#but humans beings are also mortal and social creatures who can’t expect to be strong at everything ALL THE TIME

[gch1995]

The same can be said about Belle from the 1991 Disney Beauty and the Beast animated classic. Yes, she fell in love with the Beast/Prince Adam, but she never stopped having her own aspirations, beliefs, interests, and goals. She never let the Beast get away with taking over her entire life. He had to become more deserving of he by learning to be kinder before she even was willing to interact with him.

Even Ariel’s story in 1989 Disney animated version of The Little Mermaid, wasn’t really about falling in love with a guy she saw once, and throwing away her whole life for him. It was about a 16 year old girl escaping an emotionally abusive father, and finding the ability and freedom to explore something she loved. No, I’m not saying that Triton was a malicious sort of abuser who ever intended for Ariel to get hurt. I’m not saying he didn’t love his daughter, but he was unreasonably restrictive and exceedingly cruel in his intolerance towards his daughter’s fascination with the human world above, which helped drive Ariel away. was too selfish in his pain and fear to open his mind.

Ariel was obsessed with the human world before she ever even saw Eric. He just happened to be an outlet for Ariel to turn her dreams of exploring the world above into a reality, and she fell for him. It still didn’t stop her from saving Eric’s life three times, stop her from saving Flounder’s life from the shark attack at the beginning, or stop her from standing up for what she believed in.

I’m really tired of this trend throughout the 2010s-2020s of fictional writers portraying women as these amazingly strong™️ girl bosses, who don’t ever desire and/or need to rely on anyone else for family, friendship, love, and/or support, especially not if it’s from a man. I get that it’s unhealthy to be so codependent and needy that you refuse to have any sort of independent life and/or interests of your own all the time, but the opposite extreme is also just as unhealthy. People are social creatures with limitations and weaknesses, who also do naturally seek out close family, friendship, love, and support from others to depend upon to an extent too because we instinctively know we can’t be perfectly capable, independent, and strong all the time either.

The princesses and other heroines from the animated Disney adaptations of these fairytales were never poor role models of strength and independence for young women. They felt more like real people, rather than impossibly perfect and, frankly, sexist, dark fantasy archetypes of strong™️ women written by misogynistic men in Hollywood who likely have no appreciation for real women, though.

The weird thing about Rachel Zegler playing Snow White, isn't her not being white. It's her talking as if she hates the older thing.

Also, someone please tell her (and Gal Gadot who also missed the memo) that falling in love doesn't make you any less of a powerful woman. Mulan fell in love, Tiana fell in love, Esmeralda fell in love. And they are feminist icons.

[adie-dee]

Friday Night Fights

In which Faith interviews a Vampire.

I saw this prompt by @promptsforthestrugglingauthor​ and was immediately inspired, so I knew I had to join in on this weeks round of Friday Night Fight. The prompt is also in bold below, mixed in with my own text.

__

I hadn’t expected my night to go like this.

My plan had been simple. Hit up a bar, find some random who smelled tasty and seduce them into being my dinner, then leave before anyone noticed. It had worked without drama every other time, particularly once I’d learned how to leave my meals alive so that I didn’t have to worry about disposing of the body, but this time...

I hadn’t meant to confess what I was to the tiny pink-haired woman tending the bar, only she’d been so easy to talk it had just slipped out. I certainly hadn’t expected her to believe me when I had - she wasn’t part of the magic community, I could tell that much, and there was no way she was a hunter - but to my utter mortification it seemed like she had.

“A vampire!?” She frowned. “Well you certainly don’t act like one. Give me some fancy details about the past, something so weirdly specific no one but someone who lived it would know.”

It was always the same when people found out - when they weren’t screaming that I was going to kill them, anyway - and to be honest, it was getting annoying. Everyone always assumed vampire equaled old, when the reality was most of us only had an average lifespan of 10 years past our turn date. The hunters were remarkably efficient at their jobs.

I let out a huge sigh. “I was only turned in 2011, what do you want from me? A recitation of “Party Rock Anthem?” My feelings on the first Thor movie? My horrific shame that I was living fucking Twilight while teenage girls everywhere were searching for a vampire boyfriend?”

Was it me, or did she actually look disappointed?

“I’ve got fangs though,” I told her, letting them become visible. Why I felt the need to please her I didn’t know, but I didn’t like seeing her sad. “Does dat help?” 

Her eyes widened. “That’s so cool.”

“It’s really not,” I said once they’d retracted. I hated them. Hated the weird feeling in my mouth, and the way they messed with my speech when they were out. Most of all, though, I hated the way I kept accidentally piercing my own damn tongue with them. Like biting your own tongue with normal teeth wasn’t bad enough.

“But you’re a vampire,” she breathed. “A creature of the night.” 

I groaned at that. 

��You’re going to be young forever, and strong, and mysterious and like, super rich. Why do you seem sad about it? Do you want a drink?” The realisation of what she’d said hit her immediately. “Oh my god-- gosh-- I can’t believe I said that! I mean alcohol, obviously. Not blood. Whoops.” She let out a nervous giggle.

“Look-- sorry, what’s your name?”

“Faith.”

“Faith, you’ve got nothing to worry about. I can smell the negative RH factor in your blood from here, and… ugh.” I couldn’t stop the shudder that went through my body. “I’d rather not.”

“Oh good! Does that taste bad or something?”

I picked up the coaster in front of me, spinning it between my fingers. “Would you believe I’m allergic? Didn’t think it was possibly for vampires to be allergic to blood, and yet here I am.” It had taken a while to work that one out, and longer to learn to identify the trigger. Didn’t matter how delicious Faith looked, there was no way on earth I was going anywhere near her neck.

“Yeh ok that’s def a downside.”

“Yep. Sucks.”

Faith laughed, and too late I realised what I’d said. If I’d been capable of turning red, I would have.

“You’re so funny,” she insisted. “Stay right there - I want to know everything! I just have to close up first.”

I hadn’t noticed that the bar had emptied out while we were talking, and I sat there waiting for her to collect all the empty glasses. I should have been going - I was still hungry, and getting hungrier by the minute, only I was enjoying talking to someone about all this for a change. I rarely got the chance. My social life had died the same time I had, and the other vampires in the area were so full of themselves I rarely wanted to be around them.

When Faith returned she immediately poured herself a drink. “You want one,” She asked, shaking the bottle in my direction.

“Damn I miss tequila,” I groaned, shaking my head at her offer. “There’s another downside. Can’t have human food or drink. Closest I can get is drinking from someone who’s drunk, and trust me, that is nowhere near the same.”

“Ouch, yeh, I hadn’t thought of that one. What about flying? Is that fun at least?”

“I can’t fly.”

“Lame. Can you turn into a bat?”

“Can’t do that either.”

Disappointment returned to her face. 

“It’s really not as fun as the movies make it out to be,” I groaned. “It’s not like I got turned and was handed the keys to a creepy mansion full of priceless antiques or bags of case. I still have rent to pay, which means I need to work, and my job prospects are limited by my sun allergy, yeh? I was a surf lifesaver before all of this happened, and there’s really no call for one who can only work when it’s dark.”

“What about a--”

“Please don’t say crypt.” They always said crypt. “They are cold and damp and full of religious items and I’m allowed to have standards. And electricity!”

Faith held her hands up in a defensive motion. “I didn’t mean to upset you! I’ve just never considered any of this.”

“Most people don’t.”

She had a sip of her drink, and I swore I could see the gears in her mind turning. 

“Yes, the counting compulsion is real and annoying, and if you throw anything to test it I will snap your neck. The silver allergy is real too, which sucks, because platinum is out of my budget and gold does not suit my skintone. And the thing with crosses and holy water, unfortunately.” I’d never believed in God when I’d been alive, but apparently they believed in me. “And no,” I added when she went to speak, “I can’t read minds either. I just know what you’re going to ask, because it’s what everyone asks.”

Her mouth snapped shut.

“It sounds like you don’t want to talk about any of this,” she said, rallying quickly.

“No, I do, I do… I know I’m complaining. It’s just there’s so many more downsides than upsides, and other vampires are the worst… just… ugh. Wish I was still mortal. Was so much easier and I had a better lifespan then…” I trailed off, trying not to think of everything I’d lost.

“Yeh but… you died already.” There was more sadness in her voice than anyone in my family had expressed at my funeral.

I dropped my head into my hands, letting out another groan. “And it was the dumbest death ever,” I said, looking up at her. “‘Go into the spooky mansion’, my friends said. ‘It’ll be fun,’ they insisted. And I was young enough and drunk enough that I didn’t consider the fact that I was being the white woman in a horror movie. Got turned within 10 minutes of stepping into the joint.” it had not been a pleasant experience, and was one I was determined not to do to anyone else.

“Mmm yeh, that does seem kinda dumb. I’ve got a friend who’d do the same thing though. She loves doing stupid things like that and--”

“Are you talking about me?”

I turned to see who had spoken. An attractive white-haired woman had walked in, keys to what I assumed was the bar entrance in hand. Standing close to her was a fit looking man with a scowl etched into his face. Even at this distance I could smell how delicious he was, only there was no way in hell I was going to make him my dinner. I knew who these two were, and as much as I hated being a vampire I didn’t have a death wish. 

No wonder Faith hadn’t been scared of me. If I had friends like these two, I wouldn’t have been scared of me either.

“Bee, you’re here!” Faith ran over to the woman, practically tackling her with a hug, then glared at the man she was with. 

“You have to meet my new friend,” Faith insisted to Bee, dragging her over. “This is…” she frowned again, staring at me. “I never got your name.”

“That’s not important,” I told her, standing up. I needed to get out, my fear outstripping my hunger. These two may not have been hunters, but that didn’t mean they wouldn’t take issue with me. Not if they thought I was a threat. “I should be going, anyway. Thanks for the chat.”

“No worries,” she chirped. “Come back whenever!”

I fled before they had a chance to stop me.

[argentnoelle]

Alternate Endings: Butlers & Masters in Black Butler, and how they parallel Sebastian & Ciel

read on ao3

There have been four butler/master pairs established so far: 1) Sebastian & Ciel 2) Grell & Red 3) Agni & Soma 4) Wolfram & Sieglinde Each of the other three relationships serve to parallel Sebastian & Ciel in interesting ways, and when they are introduced, how Sebastian & Ciel react to the pairs, and what happens in those parallel stories may even serve to elucidate the ambiguous nature of the relationship between the main characters.

Partners in Crime: Grell & Red

The first pair introduced is Red and Grell, alias Jack the Ripper. This is the darkest of the four pairs to be sure. The duo are on a murdering spree driven by the righteous idea (on Red's part) that she is in some way dealing out justice, motivated by an obsessive personality and a trauma that she can't get over—that of losing her family. It's a clear parallel to Ciel at his darkest; in fact it becomes even more complicated when you realize that (spoiler) among others, including the man she loved, Red lost her sister, just as Ciel lost his brother. What is established at once is that this is an unequal relationship—unequal beyond, and in a different way than, you might expect with one of them being the mistress and one the servant. In fact, their story is presented almost in the mythical way of a god becoming interested in a mortal due to some particularity of their character, or amazing talent; of course, one way or another, those stories usually don't end very well for the mortal. This is made even more explicit with the description of reapers as "death gods." At this point, with the way Grell frames his duties, he has ultimate power over the souls of those he weighs—in his words, he can decide "whether to let him live on, or to kill him" based on the assessment. Of course, this is overstating the matter on Grell's part, as in actuality, reapers are discouraged from allowing people to live. If we translate this to Sebastian, we have a parallel to when Sebastian met Ciel—what, similarly, drew him to Ciel, the connection with death as his appearance is intrinsically tied up with Real Ciel's death. Similarly, once the contract is made, Sebastian gains the ultimate power over Ciel's soul—which might even include whether to let him live, or to eat him. Grell becomes disappointed in Red when she refuses to kill Ciel; refuses, in effect, to let the game continue, to pursue her vengeance—so he kills her, saying as he does, "How disappointing, Madam Red. I am no longer interested... in an ordinary woman like you."

That this is one possible way the story could end for Sebastian and Ciel is in no doubt. In fact, it almost ended that way early on: when Ciel is recognized as Earl by the Queen, Sebastian asks him if he can be content with the life he's gained and abandon his vengeance. When he thinks that Ciel will abandon it, he starts to lose his "butler" form and reaches out to Ciel, obviously planning to eat him right then and there. When changes the story is that Ciel refuses to abandon his vengeance; and this moves Sebastian to an absurd degree. Still, you might argue that it is in that scene that Sebastian swears fealty to Ciel, that he in fact promises to play the game until the end, without messing around. Even later, during the Green Witch arc, Sebastian is driven in desperation to repeating his question, when time has run out for them to remain in the village. "Brooding over your fears and regrets, curled up in your blanket... is not what you should be doing right now. Come, get out of bed." Will Ciel abjure his vengeance, or does he still want to play the game? Ciel says, "No." "Oh? Well. You will abandon your position as the Queen's Watchdog then? Very well. You won't have to experience any hardship if you're no longer the Queen's Watchdog. No one will blame you for not wanting that forever. The servants will surely treat you well. However. Abandoning your revenge mid-way is against the contract. Ahhh. What an utterly boring end." Sebastian has turned from a human-looking butler into a darkness-tentacle-creature and starts to eat him. But even then, he doesn't stop trying to remind Ciel of his revenge, in a last-ditch effort to not end the game just yet. Sebastian asks Ciel why he actually made a contract with him, and Ciel reminds himself (or perhaps realizes for the first time?) that the reason he did it was, whatever he said or thought at the time, actually for himself. He breaks free of the cage and runs toward Sebastian. Ciel then says to Sebastian, "you... really tried to eat me just now, didn't you." Sebastian says, "No, no, I was only 90% serious." (Real reassuring, Sebastian.) He then reminds Ciel that he is both a demon and a butler. Grell compares the relationship between him and Sebastian to that of Romeo and Juliet, and that along with his comment that he is an actress, casts everything about his relationship to Red as an extended act—this is made even more clear in the anime, where Grell is introduced as a butler in an earlier episode, and plays it up to a theatrical extent. Similarly, one could see Sebastian, and his butler aesthetic, as a similar type of act, where the "play" being put on is more important than the people involved; it is all about the artifice. Grell actually replays the famous balcony scene, saying to Sebastian "you and me shall be the cast in this show," and continuing to riff off of it: "why don't you throw away the unlucky name your master gave you, and just focus your attention on me!" —wherefore (why) art thou Sebastian? Sebastian gives an answer: "all it takes is that one sentence. From the time when my master addressed me as 'Sebastian' that sentence became the newly formed contract. Since that day, I became 'Sebastian.' I made a vow to the moon." In Romeo and Juliet, Juliet says, "O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name..." continuing on to entreat Romeo to abandon the fact that he is a Montague and can therefore only ever be her enemy. Romeo answers "call me but love, and I'll be new baptized; henceforth I never will be Romeo." The way that Sebastian plays off of this exchange is clearer in the anime, and probably in the official translation too. Grell sets up the unstable dichotomy of death god/demon, who must always be natural enemies, but then positions Ciel, and Sebastian's connection to him, as what will keep them apart, and what Sebastian will have to refuse to get together with Grell. Sebastian's answer actually uses Romeo's words, saying that in meeting Ciel and in the creation of the contract, he was newly baptized as Sebastian; in other words, Grell can't be Juliet because Ciel is.   In Romeo and Juliet, Romeo begins by swearing his love on the moon, and Juliet interrupts him, saying: "O swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon, That monthly changes in her circled orb, Lest thy love prove likewise variable." So in saying that he's swearing by the moon, Sebastian is actually playing along with Grell's reenactment of Romeo and Juliet, while still refusing Grell's casting of himself as Juliet, and putting Ciel in that place instead.

Soulmates: Agni & Soma

Agni is set up from the beginning as an incredibly good butler, just as Grell was (to Sebastian's disapproval) an incredibly bad one. The usual, 'oh no the whole house has been messed up' that was set up from the very first arc is flipped around, with Agni having done all this work incredibly well... this gets on Sebastian's good side immediately. Agni is also able to get the servants to work together and not break everything, which completely baffles Sebastian, leading to one of his awesome shocked faces. Agni explains his personal philosophy to Sebastian, and then explains that before he met Prince Soma, he was a very different kind of person. "Before I met the prince, I was an idiot that can be said to be hopeless. What I owe him can never be repaid in this lifetime." He explains how he had no faith, due to seeing his father misusing his position, and how he then continued to do bad things, saying "I took advantage of my social status and committed sins every day." But just as he was about to be executed for his crimes, Prince Soma arrived to say him, saying, "I've heard you are a wild person that is as strong as an untamed beast," and choosing to take responsibility for Agni. As he cuts Agni's hair, Soma says, "the 'you' who existed before today is now dead. You're hereby reborn with a new name and life." Agni interprets this memory, saying that from that day Soma became his god. He says "that day, I definitely saw a god emitting holy light inside of the prince's body! I swerved the prince ever since that day... the prince is my king and my god!" He continues to say that he will do anything for Soma, even if it costs him his life. While Agni is set up as literally the nicest person in Black Butler, his own story places him as a reformed sinner who has found god in the man he serves. Still, even in his "reformed" state, his dedication to Soma is shown to be potentially dangerous, as his fervor leads him to do criminal acts in Soma's name. There is no unequivocal good here, it must be pointed out. Still, everything that Agni affects, day to day, seems to lead to having friends and happiness because he's just such a nice person. This seems like a pretty weird comparison to Sebastian, but he certainly is a parallel to Sebastian. Not only do they both take pride in cooking, and are incredibly good at it, not only do they both have superhuman strength, but the story of Agni meeting Soma has some interesting resonances with Sebastian's own. Going back to Sebastian's description of his meeting Ciel to Grell, earlier on, a flippant reply that takes from Romeo and Juliet and the wild overstatements made by those in love can also be interpreted through the lens of someone who has found a god. The devotion becomes religious. There is, of course, the baptism mentioned in Romeo and Juliet, and by Sebastian in relation to his own story; Agni, as well, tells the story of a baptism, in which he gained a new name and a new life. Soma's words when he first met Agni are also interesting. "I've heard you are a wild person that is as strong as an untamed beast." The connection to Agni's former existence, as an "untamed beast" is explicitly similar to Sebastian, who first appears to Ciel as a number of beasts, and is referred to as a beast multiple times, including in the Green Witch arc, when Ciel tells Sebastian that, in destroying the evidence of the laboratory, he has his permission to "feel free to go crazy like a beast." (Sebastian's reaction is notable. He thinks to himself, "My master. You're misunderstanding something. What I find most entertaining is playing the butler in my game with you. It's not behaving like a frenzied beast. However, if that's how you like me... I'll act accordingly.") Further, this sounds really similar to the meeting between Gilgamesh and Enkidu in Gilgamesh.  Gilgamesh is described as "two thirds god, one third man" and like Soma, he starts the story thinking a lot of himself; to say that he's arrogant is an understatement. Enkidu is created as someone who can temper this, basically Gilgamesh's soulmate, and spends the first part of his life as a literally "untamed beast" of a man, living with the other wild animals and having more in common with them than with humanity. But after he's shown human things through having sex with a priestess who comes to tame him, he can no longer go back to that state of innocence, wildness, or beastliness... now he is unavoidably human, and that can't change. He and Gilgamesh have a number of incredible adventures, and Gilgamesh thinks that together they can do anything, but Enkidu eventually dies, and the rest of the story deals with Gilgamesh's grief and anger at what he feels is the unfairness of death. He goes to extremes, and journeys for a long time, to try to become immortal himself, but discovers that like anyone who is mortal (even one-third mortal) death will inevitably come for him. Still, he eventually gains some measure of peace and grows as a character. Perhaps Soma is also on a similar journey. And, if Soma is a parallel for Ciel, who has been going on his own angry journey, through the manga, against the fact of death, both of his parents and of his other half—his twin brother—perhaps Ciel himself might come to some measure of peace as well. So, Agni is the epitome of a butler, and as he dies, he thinks, "Master Soma, that day, when you saved me, you were probably just acting on a whim. But from that day forward, you have always been the sun in my sky." (In Romeo and Juliet, when Juliet appears, Romeo says, "But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon...") Agni continues, "no matter the circumstance, I remained bound to you. As your orders were the light illuminating my path. What's more, just by exuding your shining confidence down from the sky, you have saved more lives than you will ever know... because you were my sun, were there for me, my days could finally begin. ... I was... your khansama was... extremely happy." Soma is, in Ciel's words, who he might have become if not for "that day". Soma's description of his life in the palace, where he as the youngest child had everything he could ever want, materially, but felt as though he was cut off from expressions of love, is what motivates him to cling so tightly to Meena, who was always there for him, though she was secretly resentful. (Oh my! Perhaps the way that Madam Red was always there for Ciel, and yet secretly resented his existence because she was jealous?) While Soma originally saved/hired Agni just because he was supposedly really good at making curry, the butler has come to mean everything to him. (This reminds me of Ciel's meeting with Klaus, where he says that one of the reasons he keeps Sebastian around is because he makes the best sweets ever. He's being flippant, it's not a serious reason by any means—and Sebastian couldn't cook when they met—but it's still interesting.) Soma says to Agni, later, "Ciel reminds me of my younger self. I would always be chasing after the love of my parents and Mina, but I never paid attention to the affection you were giving me the whole time." He says, "No, not quite the same. Even though he is aware of al the affection he is receiving, he refuses to accept any of it. It's as if he is afraid of obtaining happiness. Ciel says that he lives for the sake of revenge. That's why he lives a life of solitude." (Of course, that's the only reason Ciel is still alive instead of being eaten by Sebastian for having broken the contract.) In this iteration of butler and master, the butler dies for the master—something that Sebastian states that he finds admirable. Indeed, this has also almost happened in Sebastian and Ciel's own story. When they're on the Campania, Sebastian gets stabbed by Undertaker when he's trying to protect Ciel, and could very well have died in the process. He didn't, and so the story continues...

Parent and Child: Wolfram & Sieglinde

Sieglinde is a genius brought up believing one story—that she's the Green Witch, someone with a special duty handed down through the generations to keep her village safe—when really she's being manipulated by an old woman (her mother, though she doesn't know it) into making a gas that will cause death and destruction. This is rather interesting. If Sieglinde's story is a parallel to Ciel, just as Madam Red and Soma's stories are in a sense a parallel with Ciel, then Ciel might be believing a false story too. He, like Sieglinde, takes pride in his position—in his case, of being the Guard Dog, and keeping order in England. It's couched as a special duty, but perhaps he, too, is being manipulated by an old woman (the Queen? Hm). It's certainly made clear that the Queen has her own aims, and that she's interested in preparing for war. The idea that she might even be the one behind his parents' murders isn't so far off, and indeed, in the anime, she *was*. On an even more disturbing note, perhaps Vincent Phantomhive was more manipulative than he appeared...? Wolfram is in a similar situation as Finny. Both were used in experimentation in Germany, and both didn't have a name until they met Ciel, in Finny's case, and Sieglinde, in Wolf's case. ("For this mission, we gave you a name," he was told. "Lieutenant Wolfram Geltzer.") That's a pretty long list of people who were given new names, including every single butler—besides Grell—to date. (But, quite interesting is the recent reveal that reapers are, along with their names, which most of them use, also referred to by a number code within the organization.) (As a side-note, Wolfram is responsible for Sieglinde's crippled feet, just as Sebastian is responsible for Ciel's blind eye, but beyond that obvious similarity, I'm not sure it has any significance.) Wolfram describes his life before Sieglinde as being colorless, and that they had a duty, and acted, but without ever knowing the reason. This "patriotism" is then set against the personal loyalty he ends up having toward Sieglinde. Wolfram's past, on learning how to be a butler, is similar to Sebastian's, as he is baffled by having to deal with a child and with the idea of having to play with her and deal with her whims, instead of just killing people. He thinks, "after meeting you, for the first time... I discovered the bright colors of the world... and felt the desire to protect something. I found a reason to fight." He thinks this as he has been wounded, and reaches for Sieglinde through the haze of his memories. There is even a shot of their hands reaching out toward each other, as Sebastian and Ciel reached out to each other when Sebastian was wounded on the Campania, and he slipped into his early memories of their time together. Wolfram is saved though, and Sebastian says, gently, "Mr. Wolfram. A butler... isn't allowed to die before their master." (Agni should've listened to you!/Tanaka. But Agni, of course, is really the only one who can get away with disagreeing with Sebastian, and still change his mind.) This story isn't really told to it's end, but it's different from the others in that Wolfram was originally working at cross-purposes to Sieglinde, and was in effect on an undercover mission to use her. But instead, he ended up throwing in his lot with her, and abandoning his army. Furthermore, at least to the present moment, though he would give his life for Sieglinde, he doesn't have to. Sieglinde actually forgives him for his deception, realizing that his actions since then show his care and his regret.

read on ao3

[terraforged]

—    BASICS. ▸       IS  YOUR  MUSE  TALL  /  SHORT  /  AVERAGE ?  ARE  THEY  OKAY  WITH  THEIR  HEIGHT ?   In his humanesc form he’s short, especially given he presents as half High Elf? Even as a pure human he’s still short given I write him as 5′7″; his in game model makes him a lot taller than this given it’s a modified Nelf model but? My blog my rules! As a dragon, once fully grown, he’s gonna be goddamn massive. ▸      WHAT’S    THEIR    HAIR    LIKE ?   Thick, very wavy, and softer than you’d probably expect.  Not quite as long as his new model (I don’t entirely abide by it, it makes him look too old for my tastes) just brushing his shoulders. He tends to wear it up when he’s working on something such as research or enchantments etc, though will habitually have it down in more social settings.  ▸     DO    THEY    SPEND    A    LOT    OF    TIME    ON    THEIR    HAIR     /    GROOMING ? His mortal form is sort of an illusion, so looks however he wants it to in some capacity. Obviously things like injuries will transfer between his true form and mortal form, but if he wants his hair a certain way then it doesn’t really take him much effort. In terms of grooming/hygiene he’s fastidious with it. If he can’t directly bathe with water he will just sit and groom himself until he’s content with it. ▸      DOES  YOUR  MUSE  CARE  ABOUT  THEIR  APPEARANCE  /  WHAT  OTHERS  THINK ? He cares about his appearance, but he doesn’t remotely give a toss what other people think. He will maintain a careful appearance (well kept etc) because, obviously, there are some impressions you don’t want to cock up if you’re looking to get something out of someone.

—    PREFERENCES. ▸     INDOORS  OR  OUTDOORS  ? Outdoors. ▸     RAIN  OR  SUNSHINE  ?  Sunshine. He will just sit and soak it in if he has a free minute or two to do so. He’ll drink up any source of heat. ▸     FOREST  OR  BEACH  ? Forest. ▸     PRECIOUS  METALS  OR  GEMS  ?  Both lmao. They both come from the earth. They’re both precious to him. He works with both of them to create armaments and enchantments. ▸     FLOWERS  OR  PERFUMES  ?  Flowers. He loathes perfumes most are too strong. ▸     PERSONALITY  OR  APPEARANCE  ? Personality. All things considered he isn’t someone to judge based on appearances given a great deal of the prejudice he deals with is due to what he is and how he appears.  ▸     BEING  ALONE  OR  BEING  IN  A  CROWD  ?  Being alone. He can be in a crowd, he can work a crowd, but at that point he’s very much playing a part and acting a role which becomes exhausting after a while. ▸     ORDER  OR  ANARCHY  ?  Anarchy to obtain order. ▸     PAINFUL  TRUTHS  OR  WHITE  LIES  ? Both. He will range from being painfully blunt to wildly elusive. Saying this he wouldn’t want people to lie to him. ▸     SCIENCE  OR  MAGIC  ?  Both? Being a dragon his magic is fairly vast, but he’s also a creature of logical design and finds a balance of the two often provides the most potent of outcomes. ▸      PEACE  OR  CONFLICT  ?  Peace. He was born of conflict, has known nothing but conflict, however he desires peace more than anything. ▸     NIGHT  OR  DAY  ?   Night. Blacks are cave dwellers predominantly, and quite probably nocturnal. So! ▸     DUSK  OR  DAWN  ?   Dusk. ▸     WARMTH    OR    COLD ?  Warmth. He hates the cold with a goddamn passion. He doesn’t want to be cold, doesn’t want to be in the cold, and will do near anything to avoid being forced into it unless he has to be. ▸     MANY  ACQUAINTANCES  OR  A  FEW  CLOSE  FRIENDS  ?  One whole ass friend. ▸     READING    OR    PLAYING    A    GAME ?  Reading. He doesn’t really care for games as most involve other people, and he... uh, doesn’t like people lmfao. Between Jihui and reading though? Well!

—    QUESTIONNAIRE. ▸      WHAT    ARE    SOME    OF    YOUR    MUSE’S    BAD    HABITS ? He’s just a fucking dickhead. He actively antagonises people, actively appears worse than he is, never gives anyone a full story, guards his secrets viciously, and will just straight up lie. He’s not a nice person really if you’d call that a bad habit. He’s also prone to pretty spectacular tantrums, though these have curbed quite a bit as he’s gotten older. He will still get pretty audibly upset though haha. ▸      HAS  YOUR  MUSE  LOST  ANYONE  CLOSE  TO  THEM ?  HOW  HAS  IT  AFFECTED   THEM ? Fahrad would be the only one who might fill this role, but that relationship is incredibly complicated. Having to kill him cut Wrathion more deeply than he’d ever openly admit, and did close him off to the idea of wanting people close to him (even more so, given his entire life really has been one big ‘don’t let people close’ situation yikes). He misses Fahrad sometimes even now, and the first few weeks after his death Wrathion mourned him quite bitterly for all they’d both always known how things were going to end up. ▸      WHAT  ARE  SOME  FOND  MEMORIES  YOUR  MUSE  HAS ?  Not to be gay on main but, you know, his time with Anduin? Are absolutely his fondest memories. Even if you want to take a not gay approach (sad) for the first time he had a friend, someone disconnected to his plans, someone he clearly earnestly enjoyed the company of and wanted to be around. Anduin is his fondest memory, but ironically also his worst bc Wrathion is Wrathion and did what he did. ▸     IS  IT  EASY  FOR  YOUR  MUSE  TO  KILL ?   Harder than you’d think! He can and will, but he doesn’t enjoy it and I think this is a very important distinction to make. He will do what he has to do, will sacrifice those he thinks need to be scarified, and he won’t regret it? But again, he won’t enjoy it. Wrathion does not enjoy killing, but if you’re in his way it’s all ogre for you and he won’t hesitate.  ▸      WHAT’S  IT  LIKE  WHEN  YOUR  MUSE  BREAKS  DOWN ? It’s probably just a quiet self destruct after copious amounts of initial anger. He wouldn’t do the whole sobbing mess thing? I don’t think this boy’s ever cried in his fucking life, nor do I think he’s likely to? He does anger before anything like that, so! ▸      IS  YOUR  MUSE  CAPABLE  OF  TRUSTING  SOMEONE  WITH  THEIR  LIFE ?  I... guess? He trusts Left and Right not to let him get murdered or anything, but that’s primarily that he trusts them to do their jobs rather than specifically with his life. ▸      WHAT’S  YOUR  MUSE  LIKE  WHEN  THEY’RE  IN  LOVE  ? A big useless gay baby! I don’t think the idea of loving someone would have ever occurred to him, so it’d take him a while to actually realise what he’s feeling isn’t just friendship? I don’t think he’d really understand that there’s a difference for a while, so he’d be very much like ‘wow! what a good friend! this is friendship!’ bc, you know, social stunting really doesn’t do him an favours when it comes to literally anything ever. Once he realises what he’s feeling he’ll generally accept it? He’s not the sort to deny things about himself and wouldn’t start here, so he’d just take it for what it was. If there was no chance for anything happening he’d move on without much fuss, but if there was then big useless gay baby to maximum. Wrathion trying to court someone would just be the worst (best) goddamn thing. TAGGED  :  i stole it... TAGGING  : pls steal it 2 and tag me so i can read yours

[quothesquills]

Q U O T H E

Vague isn’t a Colour || Accepting

Q = Questions(Do they ask their s/o their opinion on things? Do they share theirs?)

Quothe can no more keep her opinion to herself than the sun can help rising and setting every day. Whether the recipient wants her to or not, it all comes spilling out of her with VERY little filter.

This should be expected because, after all, ravens are both incredibly social birds, and as a Corax, one of her Gaia-given duties is to spread as much information around as she possibly can, as quickly as she possibly can.

On the other wing, she doesn’t really ask people what their opinions are because mostly it doesn’t matter. As for her significant other…well, he’ll usually weigh in with some cryptic or zen murmur under his tongue, specifically designed to drive Quothe around the bend. And she would never, ever tell him how seriously she takes his thoughts once shared, and how she actually tries to put those opinions into practice.Why? Because it’s more fun watching his face turn that one particular shade of purple.

U = Unique (What makes them unique as a s/o?)Well, there’s that whole supernatural creature aspect, and the fact that she looks absolutely fricken fantastic in black... Having a significant other that can shape-shift, who has a plethora of little tricks and treats at her disposal when you happen to be a retriever of lost and forgotten things is pretty spectacular, especially when said extras are ideally suited for your line of work. There’s also the fact that she already knows most of his secrets so he doesn’t have to hide his real self behind carefully constructed likes. Then there’s that whole...connection to his dreams, but he doesn’t really need to know that....

O = Out of the Ordinary (What’s something they don’t normally do with/for their s/o?)

Quothe...rarely lets Luka see her in her human form. This is the brunt of his Curse that she carries. For...reasons...she’s spent most of his immortal life as his winged adviser, his friend, his shadow-partner. A laundry list of things that make up his day to day life. And while she loves him, she can rarely act on that. On the rare occasion the old wolf-fae has had enough to drink that his thoughts are hazy, that he’ll have very little coherent memory come morning, then she’s allowed to trade feathers for skin. To trade her beak for lips. She makes the most of those moments, to the best of her ability, and hides the regret at its brevity.When she’s allowed to be human, she will rub his back. Run hands through his hair. Trace his scars. Wrap her legs around his waist and hold on for dear life. There’s so much guilt later, but in the moment, there’s only enthusiasm.And when the sun rises, she lets go of it all and goes back to being the little black feathered figment of his very dear imagination.

T = Trust (How much do they trust their s/o?)

Corax are spies. Messengers. Tricksters and thieves. They have not survived as a species by trusting many, including each other. So it’s strange that Quothe finds herself putting the weight of her absolute belief in Luka. A trust so strong it’s nigh unbreakable.That doesn't mean she’s stupid about it though. She listens to his plans, to his whims, and weighs them against reason. She’ll pick at any loopholes she might spy, and she will give him the unvarnished truth, even if that’s not what he wants. She knows that he knows she has his best interests at heart and that she will always put his well-being above any thing else.And that’s where the guilt comes in, having to hide her one secret. It pains her to withhold that, but it’s for his best good. And some day, she feels Helios and the Universe will make good on their promises to her.

H = Hugs (Do they hug their s/o? How often?)

Yeah, not so much. There’s times when Luka will reach out and drag her close as if she were a stuffed animal, and it takes every bit of effort not to peck the person right off his bones. But she will put up with it. And she might sit on someone’s, anyone’s, shoulders and pat their head or neck with one wing, but on the whole Quothe hates hugs. 

E = Effort (How much effort do they put into a relationship?)

You think it’s easy, to watch the person you’ve loved for thousands of years make the same mistakes over and over? Having transient relationships with foolish mortals who can’t see him for what he is, or supernatural creatures who ultimately spread tales of his villainy? To be bid come and go by his whims, to serve another power that drags you away from where you most want to be? To never be able to explain how you feel and why, and for your significant other to look at you like you’re a glorified pet?!

You have no idea what it’s like. You can’t. The heartbreak when he hurts. The joy when he finds something that breaks through the wall he constructs around him and lets him laugh, genuinely and without bitterness. To make sure his stupid choices don’t come back to bite him, to protect him from himself and others. It’s a full time job ontop of her Gaia-Given duties as a child of Helios and Raven both, and the Universe’s Twitter Account.

But she does it. Because she has to.She hasn’t got any other way of telling him how she feels.

[junker-town]

How sports is Seven Worlds, One Planet: Episode 5?

Alfred Trunk/McPhoto/ullstein bild via Getty Images

David Attenborough’s new show is epic ... and sports.

We continue our extremely important mission to conduct a scene-by-scene review of the BBC’s new nature documentary, Seven Worlds, One Planet, in order to see how sports it is. We determined that Episode 1, which focused on Antarctica, was reasonably sports. Asia was very sports, as was South America. Australia was more drinking than sports, but that’s OK. Now it’s time for ...

Episode 5 Europe

Let’s start with a prologue: there are really only six continents, and Europe’s not one of them. I’m sorry, it just isn’t. Every other continent is separated from its neighbour by something sensible — an isthmus, perhaps, or a whole-ass ocean in the case of Australia. Europe is just a chunk of Eurasia that thinks it’s cool. You’re never going to convince me that the Ural Mountains are a sensible continental boundary. Europe’s a big, smug, densely-populated peninsula and that is all.

There is still some cool stuff going on there though.

Scene 1: Attempted Urfanticide

Europe used to be dominated by an enormous forest. Almost all of it is gone. Such progress! But some remains and in Finland there’s enough to support a small (1,500) population of brown bears. Some members of that population are adorable:

This scene isn’t all frolicking baby bears, however. Where there are bear cubs, there are also bear mothers, and where there are bear mothers there are hopeful bear-fathers in pursuit. Bear, as you may know, share an unfortunate habit with many large carnivores: if they can, big males will kill infants which they haven’t fathered.

So when a big male shows up, the cubs play it safe and scamper up a tree, while the mother responds to his catcalls by telling him to leave her family the hell alone. (I don’t speak bear, but the context makes things clear.)

The cubs then proceed to play it somewhat less than safe, coming down while the male is still in sight. They’re in mortal danger, so the mother goes full on Bear Mama and runs the male off into the woods. Good parenting. Bad childrening.

Aesthetics 9/10

I just want to squeeze their little bear cub cheeks, although, since their mother could tear me in half without trying, I would probably have to be quite drunk to actually attempt this.

Difficulty 8/10

Bear cubs are surprisingly good climbers. Conifers have straight, overly-disciplined trunks, and are therefore much harder to climb than most large deciduous trees, which are more sprawling and inviting. And yet the little dudes zip straight up them.

Competitiveness 10/10

Male brown bears average almost 500 pounds. Female brown bears are closer to 350. That’s one brave charge.

Overall 27/30

Most parenting is not a sport. Bear parenting is a sport.

Scene 2: The Hair-Cows

When my three-year-old saw this scene, he decided he was watching “hair-cows”, which is at least as good a name as “musk ox”. (He also claimed he wanted to eat “hair-cow nuggets” for dinner, a worryingly predatory request.) Hair-cows are, true to their name, very hairy cows that live up in the tundra.

The tundra is not a very nice place to live. It’s cold, there’s basically no vegetation to break up the wind, and although it’s majestic in a desolate sort of way, I don’t think I’d be able to appreciate it on account of not being able to feel my legs. The hair-cows’ shaggy coats help them stay warm in this barren environment. Their huge horns help with ... other stuff.

Hair-cow herds are run by a bull, who controls mating rights for the whole group. A bull who doesn’t run a herd essentially has to go off and live on his own, which makes them pretty enthusiastic to upgrade their living situation. And that’s where the horns come in.

When a lone male meets a herd whose leader he thinks he can handle, this happens:

Still not as bad as the hangover from last week #SevenWorldsOnePlanet pic.twitter.com/IIwSbmrU4I

— BBC Earth (@BBCEarth) November 24, 2019

Let’s review the numbers. Quoting from Wikipedia, hair-cows:

can reach speeds of up to 60 km/h (37 mph).

on average, weigh 285 kilograms (630 pounds) and range from 180 to 410 kilograms (400 to 900 pounds).

Big bulls at the top of their game will therefore weigh close to 900 pounds and charge at each other significantly faster than, say, Usian Bolt. They also have four-inch think skulls to protect each other from a battering. Well-matched males can end up charging and gouging for some time, and if the fight goes on long enough we start to get head-to-flank goring action. Which just seems unpleasant, really.

Anyway, this is a long and drawn-out hair-cow fight. Good stuff.

Aesthetics 6/10

Hair-cows aren’t the world’s most attractive creatures, but at least they have style. Demerits on account of male hair-cows smelling like they’ve coated themselves in urine, because that is in fact what they have done: “The odor of dominant rutting males is ‘strong��� and ‘rank’. It derives from the preputial gland and is distributed over the fur of the abdomen via urine.”

Cool.

Difficulty 10/10

Taking a single head-on hit from a hair-cow would send your corporeal self into next week and probably eliminate your soul altogether.

Competitiveness 10/10

This is a great fight. It’s long, hard-fought, and there are enough twists and turns to keep things interesting. Well done, hair-cows.

Overall 26/30

Definitely a sport.

Scene 3: Wolves

You don’t really expect to find wolves roaming around Europe. Well, that’s not exactly true: I played last year’s Assassin’s Creed, so I expect to find a pack of wolves roughly every four yards, including in major cities. But in real life, finding a pack of wolves on the edge of an Italian village would come as something of a surprise.

Not that you’re likely to find these wolves. They’re so elusive that the Seven Worlds team had to film them all through thermal cameras, which gives this whole scene an ethereal look:

Sirius Black? Is that you? #SevenWorldsOnePlanet pic.twitter.com/DZvtQTW8Xg

— BBC Earth (@BBCEarth) November 24, 2019

It’s mid-winter and the wolves are hungry, so they’re attempting to ambush a herd of red deer in the darkness. Their first attempt fails thanks to a combination of being too noisy and having their hunt disrupted by a passing car. Humans!

Their second is better planned out, and they manage to isolate one of the deer and herd it down the mountain. As it tries to escape, it slips on an icy road (humans!) and the hungry pack manage to bring it down.

Unfortunately, the hunt has been watched by the village sheepdogs, who flood out to chase off the wolves and claim the kill as their own. Poor wolves.

Aesthetics 7/10

The night vision gives this an air of fantasy, which is nice because one gets the feeling that these wolves would be somewhat bedraggled had they been caught on normal cameras.

Difficulty 8/10

Hunting down deer in what amounts to pitch blackness sounds very difficult indeed.

Competitiveness 8/10

The deer give the wolves a seriously hard time, and the emergence of a third party right at the end is a clever twist.

Overall 25/30

Extended hunts are almost always sports.

Scene 4: Monkeys

The presence of Barbary macaques in Gibraltar is a reminder of the planet’s habit of undergoing massive changes over relatively short timescales. There are no monkeys in Europe except these ones, and they’re here because around five million years ago, the Strait of Gibraltar was closed, and north African animals had free rein to wander over to the Iberian peninsula.

Then came the Zanclean Deluge. With the Straits closed, the Mediterranean had no access to the Atlantic and slowly evaporated. And when they re-opened, the Mediterranean re-filled in about two years, powered by what was probably the biggest waterfall the planet has ever seen. This has very little to do with the monkeys. I just think it’s interesting.

Gibraltar, right on the southern tip of the continent, is home to Europe’s only monkeys. #SevenWorldsOnePlanet pic.twitter.com/GMnBIod7Eq

— BBC Earth (@BBCEarth) November 24, 2019

Anyway, Barbary macaques spread across southern Europe, but eventually (I assume because of the Ice Age, etc.) they collapsed back into a small population at the Rock of Gibraltar. Around 300 monkeys still live there. Some of those monkeys, incidentally, have a thing for kidnapping.

A low-status female monkey (these macaques live in tiered social groups) has just had a baby, and a higher-ranking female is jealous of her. So she steals the baby and runs away. The mother is so low-ranking that she can’t approach the other monkey for fear of the rest of the troop ganging up on her.

High monkey drama ensues as the kidnapper — who clearly has no idea what she’s doing with a baby — makes her escape, climbing a cable car tower with a tiny little monkey dangling off her. Eventually the mother catches up with the baby-thief, but the gang is more than 100 feet above the ground, and any wrong move might lead to a fall and certain death ...

... so naturally, the situation is resolved by grooming. Mama monkey finds a random monkey to groom within sight of the kidnapper, who gets so jealous that she gives the baby back in exchange for a change to get in on the action.

Most of this was some action movie stuff, but the end might be difficult to translate. I’m trying to imagine Liam Neeson rasping into his phone about his “particular set of skills,” only for them to turn out to be removing parasites from the other person’s hair with his teeth.

It’d be weird, but you’d watch it.

Aesthetics 7/10

Monkeys just aren’t that cute, even baby monkeys. The tension, fortunately, is accentuated by the impressive cinematography.

Difficulty 10/10

As a parent I have found it is more or less impossible to do anything with a baby, so climbing a cable car tower while fleeing the scene of a crime, baby in tow, is impressive work. Not morally impressive, mind.

Competitiveness 10/10

The ending doesn’t take anything away from the stakes.

Overall 27/30

Kidnapping monkey babies is sports. But please do not attempt this particular sport, at home or anywhere else.

Scene 5: Grave-Robbing Hamster Battle

This is it. This is what we’ve all been waiting for. The culmination of Sir David Attenborough’s long and storied career lies here, in a Viennese graveyard, where hamsters lie in wait to feast upon the offerings left for the dead ...

... it turns out that European hamsters love flowers. LOVE them. And, as graveyards have plenty of fresh flowers for them to munch through, that makes them prime hamster territory. Prime territory, of course, does not go uncontested. And while hamsters are cute and adorable, they’re also ferocious little balls of anger when roused. Observe:

Thug life. #SevenWorldsOnePlanet pic.twitter.com/ePaxjj8Ybd

— BBC One (@BBCOne) November 24, 2019

Thwarted by the martial skills of the home hamster, the challenger has to sneak in while they’re distracted. And here, they’re more successful, creeping merrily over a tombstone and then munching happily on a bouquet before being enticed by a nice, uh, candle.

Attenborough claims that candles are full of oil and high in calories and therefore excellent hamster food, so I’ll take his word for it. The hamster certainly agrees, stuffing their face with as much wax as they can fit into their squishy little cheeks, which turns out to be a lot of wax: European hamsters can apparently fit about a quarter of their body-weight in their cheek pouches.

And now I should mention that this candle is in a jar with a slightly-tapered mouth and ... oh no.

Hello darkness, my old friend, I’ve come to talk with you again #SevenWorldsOnePlanet #wevealldoneit #chonkyboi pic.twitter.com/TDhY1YEpBd

— BBC Earth (@BBCEarth) November 24, 2019

My only regret is that Edgar Allen Poe never found out about this.

Aesthetics 30/10

COME TO ME, MY GRAVE-ROBBING HAMSTER FRIENDS. TOGETHER WE SHALL RULE THIS DISMAL PLANET.

Difficulty 10/10

WE SHALL RULE IT IN THE NAME OF PEACE.

Competitiveness 10/10

AND JUSTICE. AND COMPASSION.

Overall 50/30

AND DELICIOUS, DELICIOUS CANDLES. IT WILL BE A BETTER PLACE. ONE FULL OF HAMSTERS, WHICH ARE SPORTS.

Scene 6: Mayflies

In June, the largest of all mayflies emerge from a Hungarian river. They’ve spent three years as larvae preparing for just a few hours of adult life. The males come first, flapping to the banks to get one last molt in, and then fly back to the river to catch the females, emerging later.

There’s a terrifying amount of competition to fertilise female mayflies, accentuated by the fact the male mayflies are literally dying as they scramble to find a mate. The females have timed their emergence to within a few minutes of the males’ death, and as their corpses float past they then fly up-river, 10 million-strong. Then they die too, releasing their eggs upon impact.

Houston, that’s a lot of bugs. #SevenWorldsOnePlanet pic.twitter.com/zp5GddXM2B

— BBC Earth (@BBCEarth) November 24, 2019

Within hours of the mayflies emergence into the European summer, they’re all dead. This is the most metaphorical metaphor that has ever metaphored.

Aesthetics 3/10

After three years of feeding and growing on the riverbed, the male mayflies appear first.#SevenWorldsOnePlanet pic.twitter.com/V3bOFAv3R1

— BBC Earth (@BBCEarth) November 24, 2019

No.

Difficulty 8/10

It must be hard to try to be at the top of your game when you’re literally on the verge of death, especially in the middle of a mayfly melee.

Competitiveness 10/10

An entire generation of male mayflies fighting it out at the same time? Yeah, this is getting high marks.

Overall 21/30

Probably a sport.

Scene 7: Asshole Pelicans

Great white pelicans breed on the delta of the Danube river, one of the richest in the world. There are two things you should know about great white pelicans. The first is that they are huge. And I mean really, really huge: their wingspan can get to well over 10 feet and they can weigh as much as 30 pounds. The second thing you should know is that they’re assholes.

Flying above the delta, the pelican flock scans for food, using other birds for help

Cormorants: Come over. Pelicans: Can’t. Busy. Cormorants: We are eating delicious fish. Pelicans:

The real question here...are you a pelican? Or a pelican’t?#SevenWorldsOnePlanet pic.twitter.com/YRaphn3WUY

— BBC Earth (@BBCEarth) November 24, 2019

Do the pelicans go fishing once the cormorants have done the hard work of finding their prey? No. That’s not assholish enough for a great white pelican, and is also far too much work. Instead, they wait for the cormorants to do the fishing and then do whatever the hell this is:

K...O#SevenWorldsOnePlanet pic.twitter.com/48F9A4UDOM

— BBC Earth (@BBCEarth) November 24, 2019

The bullied cormorants quite naturally give up their spoils upon being engulfed by these horrible huge pirates. Imagine what it must be like having your head wrapped up in a penguin pouch. It’d like someone jamming your face into a yellow latex glove, and I’d rather get actually mugged.

Aesthetics 10/10

This scene is beautifully shot. All non-raptorial birds look better in large numbers, and the coordinated flight of the pelicans is gorgeous.

Difficulty 7/10

All these pelicans have to do is find and harass the people doing the real work, then enjoy their rewards. They’d do very well in the modern office. The cormorants, on the other hand, have to go fishing while being mugged by assholes, which sounds pretty difficult to me.

Competitiveness 5/10

Pick on someone your own size, pelicans.

Overall 22/30

Fishing is a sport. Piracy ... is also a sport?

Scene 8: The Offspring of the Cave Dragon

The face of Europe has been scoured by humans, turned from forests to homes and farms and roads and etc.. Under the skin, however, is a different story. Mankind’s reach doesn’t extend very effectually into caves, and nor does the sun’s, which leads to some very weird critters.

Olms, so far as I can tell, are the European equivalent of the American axolotl: blind albino cave salamanders which stay in larval form their whole lives. Unlike the axolotl, which is sort of cute, olms are very not:

Olms have feathery gills which enable them to breathe underwater, as well as on land.#SevenWorldsOnePlanet pic.twitter.com/W75pHQ8gpS

— BBC Earth (@BBCEarth) November 24, 2019

Here be dragons Well...baby ones at least.#SevenWorldsOnePlanet pic.twitter.com/MjdCQcDmxM

— BBC Earth (@BBCEarth) November 24, 2019

What they lack in cuteness they make up for in looking-like-an-eel-ness? Their weird looks and hermetic life led locals to believe that they were somehow related to more mythical beasts: 17th-century naturalist Johann Weikhard von Valvasor, upon handling an olm body, claimed that they were “baby dragons” which “resembled lizards.”

Fair enough, Johann.

Aesthetics 4/10

Weird-looking critters. Even the bonus point for being mistaken for baby dragons doesn’t net the olm very much.

Difficulty 10/10

Olms live in pitch blackness and only get a meal about once every 10 years. Even ignoring hunger, that environment would quickly reduce even the most hardened human into a gibbering wreck.

Competitiveness 0/10

Nothing happens.

Overall 14/30

Sorry, Johann, but olms aren’t sports.

Scene 9: Lynx

10/10 on the graceful fence leap, extra points for epicness.#SevenWorldsOnePlanet pic.twitter.com/rkwRWiDxZN

— BBC Earth (@BBCEarth) November 24, 2019

It is hard to be an Iberian lynx. Nearly extinct, and hemmed in on all sides by human development, their population was at one point reduced to double-figures. Their final fastness is in southern Spain, where conservation efforts are going reasonably well. We are introduced to a lynx patriarch, who has helped preserve his species by fathering ... wait ARE WE GOING TO GET KITTENS?

And the award for cutest cat family goes to…#SevenWorldsOnePlanet pic.twitter.com/cfqvVJl0Qf

— BBC Earth (@BBCEarth) November 24, 2019

KITTENS! Anyway Iberian lynxes are doing better these days, but still not well at all. Europe has been so over-developed that there’s no room for wild animals to co-exist along with humans, and so, like the lynx, large animals everywhere are under threat. Unless people make a concentrated effort to be much better neighbours, the lynx, and many other critters, won’t last long.

Aesthetics 10/10

KITTENS!

Difficulty 7/10

Imagine living your days in existential dread, suspecting that you might be close to the end of the line for your whole species. Couldn’t relate.

Good jump though.

Competition 0/10

Nothing happens.

Overall 17/30

Probably not sports, although I could be tempted to change my mind for reasons entirely related to KITTENS!

[emathevampire]

The complete portrait of Team Chaotic Good! Not to be confused with "The Good Guys," which is the band name of a company of wholly evil individuals. These are some of my favourite characters, extensive details about each of them and their party dynamic under the cut!

Kíhyué: Chaotic Good, Level 20, Male Kamatian, Asexual/Aromantic. He’s a long and lanky nerd at 175lbs, 6ft3in tall, missing his right eye and ear and heavily scarred, who fights with a style that utilizes brains over brawn to deadly effect. By far the most interesting thing about him is sword, an incredibly powerful artifact he crafted himself that contains a portion of his soul. He’s the party blacksmith and artisan, and can craft almost anything if given enough time. The second oldest member of the group at 3,370 mortal years old (or 67 by Kamatian count), he is the accidental dad of this ragtag bunch of misfits. He collected them over his many years, or rather they collected him, and no matter what he does he can’t seem to get rid of all these obnoxious children. Not that he wants to, of course. He’ll never admit it, but he hasn’t aged well and needs their help, and he cares about them too much to just let them charge off after monsters on their own. He’s seen some serious shit in his lifetime, was abused as a child, and suffers from severe PTSD and other trauma-related issues, and hopes that by adventuring with these foolish children he can protect them and prevent them from experiencing the same horrors he has.

Éomer: Chaotic Good, Level 18. A half-celestial gryphon rescued by Kíhyué as a newborn, he has been Kíhyué’s constant companion for over two millennia. They are absolutely inseparable, and it is largely thanks to Éomer’s support that Kíhyué keeps his PTSD under control. He has a fantastic sense of humour and a soothing personality, a surprising amount of wisdom, and is the light heart and calming influence of the group. Though he cannot speak, he has a telepathic and empathic bond with Kíhyué and, to a limited extent, he can use his telepathic abilities to communicate with others as well.

Arekos Aidoneus: Lawful Neutral, Level 16, Male Kamatian, Bisexual/Greyromantic with a preference for men. 1,237 years old by mortal standards, though by Kamatian count he is only 24. At 5ft3in tall and 112lbs, he is soft and kind from a distance but up close his presence feels intimidating despite his small stature. A powerful necromancer who follows the strict teachings of his deity, he is best described as “Lawful Nice” and would be Exalted if not for his dark powers. He uses his gifts for good, negating each evil spell with double the good, taking mastery over negative energy and turning it into healing for the living, and using nonlethal means to incapacitate his foes when he can. He only reanimates corpses whose owners have consented to being used, and goes to extreme measures to ensure that he helps more than he harms. In addition to being an accomplished mage, he is also an excellent cook and bakes pies when stressed (he’s always baking). Dedicated his life to the study of dragons, which are extinct in his world, and once had a host of fossilized dragon skeletons and dozens of apprentices at his disposal. But his museum, “Draconic Park,” was dissolved into chaos and destroyed by the machinations of the Goddess of Strife, so he and the team are scouring the universe for the servant of evil who stole his Rod of Undead Mastery and the only zombie dragon ever created.

Faendys: Neutral Good, Level 14, Intersex Arctic Elf (they/she), Tentatively Panromantic but still questioning. Still only about 19 by elven standards at 115 years old, they are the cinnamon roll baby of the group despite not technically being the youngest. They’re also the shortest member, at 4ft9in, weighing 130lbs, but it is unwise to underestimate them: they are a formidable opponent in melee, fast enough on their feet to disappear entirely at times, delivering furious flurries of blows infused with shadow and light. Innocent, introverted, infinitely kind and patient, and cheerful, simultaneously full of childlike wonder and immortal wisdom. Often unsettlingly intuitive, in a cryptic sort of way that gives Xadrea terrible anxiety. They are Inimicia’s ward and a member of the most elite circle of the Assassin’s Guild, and as such is only sometimes present. They’re a big fan of physical contact and hugs, though the only members of the group willing to share it are Arekos, Anaziah, and Éomer, as the others don’t like to be touched. Faendys has a massive crush on Anaziah, and is responsible for eating most of Arekos’ stress-baked goods.

Anaziah the Kind: Chaotic Good, Level 16, Female Drow, Lesbian. At 6ft2in tall and 180lbs, with ankle-length silvery hair that glows like moonlight and mithril armour, barefoot and always on the tips of her toes, she is a striking figure to behold. Believes herself to be fat, despite constant reassurances that she is just right for her height and, as Kíhyué puts it, “Simply incredibly dense.” Only considered to be in her 20s by elven standards at 144 years old, she is nonetheless a commanding presence on the battlefield, usually found taking charge and giving direction to her party in combat. Formerly known as Anaziah the Wrathful before she found the surface world and became a Paladin of Freedom, it is a concentrated effort to resist the evil in her bloodline but she determinedly pursues the exalted path she has carved out for herself. She is extroverted, excitable, exuberant, and bad at respecting the party’s personal space, most comfortable with one arm draped over Arekos, the other on Faendys, and a great big grin on her face. Faendys’ crush on her is reciprocated, though Anaziah is unsure about how she feels about her feelings for a number of reasons, mainly since she knows that a relationship between an Elf and a Drow would be frowned upon by most societies and doesn’t want Faendys to end up hurt by her selfishness.

Inimicia, Queen of the Assassins: Lawful Good, Level 20, Female Human Half-Vampire/Dark Creature. Heterosexual/Aromantic. Rarely seen, rarely heard, this intimidating 5ft8in tall, 125lb woman is a half-vampire older than everyone in this party put together who has been in Kíhyué’s position of accidental parenthood for longer than he’s been alive, though she isn’t always present in the group. She is, after all, the leader of the infamous Assassins, and has dozens of her own adopted adventurers and miscreants to take care of. Faendys is one of these adopted children, as is Kíhyué to some extent, which is why she checks in on them so frequently. Outwardly harsh, always pressing them to do better, she is inwardly incredibly proud of them. When she is around, everyone instinctively looks up to her and follows her lead, giving Kíhyué a welcome break from leadership. Arekos is always happy to have her around, as her lawful presence and immeasurable wisdom amidst the madness helps soothe his anxieties. She fights with a style somewhere between Kíhyué’s and Faendys’, having taught both of them most of what they know. Her style is based on the unity and mastery of mind and muscle, blade and body, light and shadow. She is an enigmatic figure that, after multiple millennia of fighting by her side, Kíhyué is finally beginning to understand.

Xadrea Shadowborn: Exalted Chaotic Good, Level 17, Female Centaur/Dark Creature, Asexual/Demiromantic Lesbian. If one manages to spot this stealthy pony (for she never steps out of shadows, ever), one would see her standing a little over 8ft tall, often levitating 3 inches above the ground with enchanted horseshoes, clutching a spear tightly in nervous, worrying hands, with pitch black armour and feathery angelic wings typically kept hidden by a hat of disguise and a symbiotic suit. Her eyes are dark, anxious, and overwhelmingly sad, as though containing a hundred years of horrors though she has only truly seen eight. By far the youngest member of the group, at 24 years of age she is wise far beyond her years, having seen more shit in the past 8 years than Kíhyué has in a thousand. Due to her various traumas, she is terrified of power, law, authority, devils, Aasimar, and mages. Distant, paranoid, and panicky, she is impulsive, and reckless, but above all determined to make the world a better place and ensure that the forces of good will always prevail. Strong-willed with a sense of justice and honour that doesn’t always conform to what one would expect of a heroine, her favourite hobby is stealing large and heavy things that seem impossible to steal (for instance, the alp horn of an evil bard the instant before they put their lips to it to play, or the massive bronze alarm bell from an enemy watchtower). She has achieved immortality and has incredible cosmic-scale influence through her victory in a tournament in a universe that no longer exists, though she turned down the opportunity to become an overdeity herself she is still connected mentally to Heironeous and the overdeities of this and several other universes, but keeps this a secret as best she can, preferring the appearance of madness to that of power.

Kíhyué is fiercely protective of this found family, though he is socially awkward at best and finds it difficult to show he cares. He is particularly fond of Xadrea, and she him, as they have bonded over their similar experiences and understand each other better than any of the others can. The feeling was sudden, mutual, and something neither of them fully understood: it was called friendship, and they were both terrified at the prospect of it. Xadrea, Kíhyué, and Arekos are always the voices of reason, though the latter two frequently have to counter Xadrea’s more paranoid reasonings with logic to reassure her (she eventually begrudgingly accepts their attempts, but is always prepared with an “I told you so,” just in case). Faendys is typically silent during tactical discussions besides the occasional unsettlingly intuitive remark, whereas Anaziah is impossible to silence. Whenever Faendys is present, it is almost impossible to separate them from Anaziah since they are both naturally cuddly people and seem practically magnetically attracted to one another. Arekos finds the constant chaos stressful and confusing, and often wonders how his longtime hero and friend manages to deal with the rabble. Inimicia, who has a look of permanent exhaustion about her, simply advises Arekos to just give up on peace and quiet forever. Kíhyué echoes her sentiment, much to Arekos’ dismay. Éomer is simply happy that, after all this time, his companion’s heart has finally found a home in this band of misfits and wanderers, relative peace, and a place that he feels he belongs.

[bffhreprise]

Entry 328

 Ai and Mai were nervous as we greeted the vampires.  I couldn’t blame them.  Their family had considered vampires to be their primary enemy for countless years, but I was still fascinated.  There were endless unanswered questions about ancient civilizations, and some of those gathered in this room had been there.  I could imagine a firsthand account of Cleopatra’s beauty, or a discussion of the hanging gardens of Babylon’s design.  Hmm… Had someone here met da Vinci?

 When my wives took Alma away, making excuses about a bride not being seen on her wedding day, I began talking in earnest.  Sadly, I received a great number of evasive answers at first, but the oldest three vampires seemed much more forthcoming with answers.  I certainly couldn’t complain.  Papak actually had been in Egypt thousands of years ago.  Unfortunately, Portentia arrived before I could get answers about the construction of the pyramids.

 “Portentia!  James mentioned that you’ll be tending to our needs if we find the sun too inhospitable after a time.” commented Ariadne as she approached my friend..

 Portentia smiled and nodded, saying, “Of course!  If any of you would like to get your fill in preparation, a room has already been set aside for your needs.  Mila will ensure our privacy.”

 “Mila?” questioned one of the vampires… David, if I remembered correctly.

 “Yes?” asked Mila, blatantly ignoring that he was unfamiliar with her name.  Her playfulness was charming, but there were times I felt she could be maliciously taciturn, forcing others to explain themselves when she knew quite well what they wanted for the sheer pleasure of poking at them.

 “Mila is the artificially constructed daughter of Aaliyah, my secretary.” explained James, ever the diplomat.  “She has complete control of the house and four bodies now.  Sorry that I didn’t introduce her sooner, but I was waiting till one of her bodies happened by.”

 “Oh, Master, you need only have called.” she cooed.  “I’ll be there shortly.”

 “No need, Mila.  I’m sure you’re already engaged in something important.” he insisted.

 “Nothing’s more important than you, Master.” she teased.

 “And how is she supposed to ensure privacy?” questioned David.

 In the blink of an eye, a gun was pointed at his back, having sprung out of a panel in the wall.  “I’m fully armed for minor inconveniences, and Raine is on call for anything major.” replied Mila, though she was perfectly aware that guns weren’t even guaranteed to slow down a vampire, assuming the bullets hadn’t been enchanted for that purpose.  Of course, there was a chance the ones here were all enchanted.  She’d probably know.

 “R-” started David, jumping into the gun when Raine instantly appeared in front of him, her demonic form openly on display.  Though David hadn’t shown any fear of the gun, he obviously knew enough to be nervous in Raine’s presence.

 Ever humble, Raine nervously told James “M-mila said I w-was… n-needed.  Is… s-something wrong?”

 “No.  Sorry, Raine.  Mila merely wanted a demonstration to assuage David here of his worries.” explained James with a smile.

 I was still impressed with his ability to look at her.  Just being in the same room with her in that form was enough to get my heart racing.  If I looked directly at her, I’d tremble on a good day.  The distortion of the world around her was too unnatural for human eyes, making me feel queasy.  Luckily, she disappeared just as quickly as she had arrived, leaving Papak laughing in her wake.  As monstrous as Papak’s enormous frame appeared, he fit right in with the rest of us while Raine was in the room.

 “I can also help with minor inconveniences.” announced Portentia, waving her hand as if to volunteer.

 “As the brothers can assure you, I have a formidable staff, perfectly capable of helping my guests from disrupting one another.” acknowledged James, still smiling pleasantly.

 David and I weren’t the only ones still looking a bit on edge, though I hoped to be looking more relaxed than a couple of the vampires.

 “You forget, David.  Death herself has sworn to claim anyone who would disrupt James and Alma’s wedding.  There will be no problems here.” insisted Zachary with a pleasant smile of his own.

 I wondered if he and his brothers were purposefully forcing themselves to look calm for the sake of the others or if they really were that relaxed here.  Cosette could look at Raine’s demonic form without batting an eye, but even among vampires, she seemed to be uniquely gifted at self-control.  Well, on most days.  She stared at the oldest vampires as a fan would stare at a rockstar.

 “Unlike you, I haven’t met her.” muttered David.

 “What’s she like?  James doesn’t like speaking of her.” I commented, hoping someone here would be more forthcoming.  Death’s assurance of peace here wasn’t surprising to me.  She had met James, so she was under his influence.  However, my questions about her were still endless.

 Zachary shrugged.

 “You really want to know?” asked Papak with a grin, his whole body shifting to face me as his wings opened slightly.

 “Sure!” I exclaimed, excitement overcoming the touch of fear.

 Ariadne rolled her eyes while shaking her head.  She had probably heard this story before.

 Papak’s grin faded as he looked around at all of us, his face looking like someone lost in a grave memory.  “Imagine feeling nearly invincible in a time when the wheel was rare, new tech for humanity.  You’re exploring the world, drunk on your own power, when you come across an incredibly large monster that makes me seem beautiful in comparison.  You, in your arrogance, try to fight the beast just to test your strength, certain that you can escape.  To your horror, the creature not only proves faster and stronger than you, but its touch sucks the energy out of you, allowing you no means of escape.  For the first time in years, you understand stark terror, realizing the futility of your situation.  Your dying and there’s nothing you can do to survive.  As you fail to scream due to lack of strength in mind and body, your entire body manages to seize up as you’re suddenly very aware that something far more terrifying exists.  The nightmarish terror which easily vanquished you is brushed aside as insignificant dust in a summer’s breeze.  Hours later, you might still be on the ground where you dropped, shaking uncontrollably while knowing in your heart that you certainly would have died of fear were you merely human.  That is what Death is like, an absolute fear that strips you of all rationale with her presence while somehow instilling inside you the idea that your existence is very mortal.”

 As he spoke, Papak had very gradually moved closer to me.  By the end, he had blocked out the light with his massive wings as he stood over me, knees still bent as his head brushed the ceiling.  When he finished, he was suddenly back across the room, smiling like a devil.

 I nodded and forced a smile as I said, “She must make a fortune at Halloween events.” I was certain they all could hear my heart pounding, but bravado wouldn’t hurt here.  I fully believed that Papak had experienced that brush with Death rather than making up the encounter.  Yes, he was likely a gifted liar after thousands of years to practice, but the respect he and his brothers had for Death was obvious.  Vito had been watching to see if Death would appear when Papak was speaking.

 “Oh, yes.  Screams to die for.” wryly replied Vito, his lips tightening into a thin smile.

 “Personally, I find she just needs a firm rebuke when she just goes too far.” claimed Ariadne, sounding perfectly sincere.

 “For you, that might work.  In over thirteen thousand years, my arguments have ceased to change her mind.” insisted Vito.

 “She listens to James just fine.” argued Ariadne.

 “Everyone listens to James.” I teased.

 James sighed and said, “They might listen, but not everyone agrees with me.  I am rather young, after all, so there’s much to learn.”

 “What sort of magic are you using on us?  I know why I’m here, the significance of your marriage, and next to nothing about you, but I am inordinately attracted to you.” explained Azizah, a black-haired beauty who currently lived in the Middle East.

 “Azizah, did I not say James was charming?” teased Zachary.

 “Sorry, but my body emanates a magical field of sorts, compelling people to like me.  I can’t stop it without completely depriving myself of energy.” explained James with a touch of embarrassment.  “I can show you the spell Alma uses to help reduce the effect if you like.”

 “Unfortunately, I lack any magical gifts outside what’s in my blood.” she replied.  “That being said, I accept the brother’s judgement about you, affected as they may be.”

 “Awesome.” mumbled Cosette, still looking at the oldest vampires with complete adoration.  Knowing her, she might be feigning her fawning to some extent while studying them.

 “I think I’ll take you up on that snack if you truly don’t mind.” stated David to Portentia.

 “Very, very small sips.” warned Ariadne.  “Vito and I will accompany you, just in case.  Her blood is… potent.”

 Vito nodded and followed her, Portentia, and David without complaint.  The social dynamic between Ariadne and the brothers was interesting.  She was much, much younger, but they obviously treated her as an equal.

 “When do you expect Adelmar to be arriving?” inquired Zachary, sounding mildly curious.

 “Given the plane’s current velocity, Adelmar and Anwen will be landing in just over three hours.” stated Mila immediately.  “Numerous relatives of his will be arriving sooner, so the pre-wedding entertainment will begin around eleven if you wish to socialize.”

 “Lovely.  Let’s hope Adelmar does not wish to speak with us before the wedding.  With only hours to spare, his grand speeches might delay the wedding if he does.” he teased.

 With Ai and Mai gone, I was free to laugh with the others.  Adelmar was infamously long-winded.  Like Alma, Adelmar was capable of snuffing out a city in seconds, but I got the feeling he might not be quite as strong as her, despite Slayers typically having more raw power than their descendants by significant margins.  Ai and Mai grew awfully tight-lipped at points when I had asked about their relatives.  This wedding would certainly have an interesting mix of guests.

[bornfromscarletcords]

Las Cordones De Nuestros Corazones (The Cords Of Our Hearts)

The following Is a werewolf production. It’s focus is a general observation of social sexiness, general naughtiness, the peculiarities of misusing one’s power especially in the workplace and especially-especially (twice for emphasis) in what some could consider erotic circumstances. As a disclaimer offense is not intended though most certainly imminent; werewolves are not cuddly pets, though when given some release from their restrictions, have a way knocking things off their feet, turning them this way and that, going up and down with them, then in then out, then in again until they can’t tell whether the difference between their insides and outsides. Again, your questioning and reproaching glances are entirely expected, you have been warned. Some names and circumstances have been flubbed (mildly altered), in short, we may or may not be lying; the world may never know.

Enter Alejandro Cariño, our protagonist, in a sense, though most of this story will probably revolve around the nature of antiheroes/antiheroines and or people who just sort keep skirting around the heavy hammer of justice, though with much style and passionate fire. Mr. Cariño, or as his female students, his boss the school president, and that weird janitor liked to call him “Señor Guapo” was a professor at a somewhat peculiar university. You see in this era, humans had gotten a little smarter than usual, and the members of the supernatural or preternatural, or just weird other than human categories were getting a little...well a lot dumber. Even if you’re battling a lemming carelessness can be your downfall, as so many would learn in this time. Anyway as a sort of preparation for what would be a rough transition from the shadows of mortal vigilance to potential “center stage” attention if you will, a series of insurance were pushed into motion. The most relevant, for the sake of this story, being the existence of multiple facilities of education dealing, primarily with the nurturing of weird ol’ nonhumans so that they wouldn’t hurt themselves every time they had to go buy milk from the grocery store or something. Was that not enough information, well tough nipples? This world ain’t fair. Well, anyway Alejandro sable melted in hot sexiness, melted in almond glazed muscles, dribbled on a redwood forest (for strong foundation) and then bound in debonair wolf wildness. He had flame, he had machismo, he had great curly hair he often kept pulled back in a wolf tail, no not a pony tail, you heard correctly. He was also on the slightly below average height side, but for some reason that just made woman see him as sensitive for some strange reason, like he’d be good at snuggling. Oh he was sensitive, sensitive to those choice and caressable fleshy regions of theirs. Alejandro taught some engineering, some botany, and some poetry, though he tried to limit his lyrical nature to the strumming of his guitar which always seemed to draw the ear of one pretty thing or another. He was every square inch of modern suaveness and though he didn’t look a day over twenty four, he listed himself as being something like forty-two, though Alejandro’s limitations had a way of escaping one’s attention when too inconvenient. In actuality he was probably something like a 1240, but who’s counting. How did he stay so mobile? Well he might say it was all his cardio, and his occasional enjoyment of veganism, if only for irony’s sake, though the attentive gaze would not have to look far to understand that old wolves had many tricks up their sleeves. The benefit and consequence of surviving so long when others did not.

Although much of a werewolf’s daily existence operated like a madman’s death indulging set of magical misdirection, like if a magician was giving his own eulogy while his corpse was still in the coffin; a degree of normalcy was not unattainable. In a world of miracles the impossible was eroded to nothing, though normalcy served as a shield or cloak more often than not. A bit of red smeared on your mouth around nosy neighbors? Don’t want to tell them about that annoying squirrel he was very much no longer amongst the living? Well then perhaps that red is just a lipstick malfunction and that strange odor the result of a new diet you’ve been trying. The latter being not exactly a lie.

There were many strange creatures at the university in which Alejandro served, known to the public as Cupid’s Eclipse University, in bold letters. In slightly smaller letters, almost imperceivable to most it read, School For Those Oddly Talented Few. As to where it was located, well you could say it moved around and, being honest, you were unlikely to find it anywhere near the surface. So artificial sky’s and cubed pseudo-dimensions aside, it was the picture of contemporary normalness...with magic…and an unusual amount of sexiness.

Alejandro’s students, the girls in particular, were precocious to say the least. There was a rather convoluted grading system that he still only knew in theory, and it wasn’t the strongest theory, so he could get anyone aged from 14 to 2000, though it typically capped at around 21 (as far as anyone admitted at least). He had a particular way of scooting most people below sixteen towards others professors, as he, quote “had endured enough trials in his day” unquote. You should note that he was from a different time, a very different time...though his questionable sanity aside, he seemed to meld into the modern world relatively well, at least well enough to receive a paycheck and charm sweet ladies. He got all manner of creatures whose minds he was allowed to shape, though it was their hearts and souls of which he was most passionate. From vampires to elves, gargoyles, succubi, you name it. Though to be honest, much of his attention was devoted to minding after what you might call his fan club. He did not particularly want a fan club, mind you, as too much organized attention on his activities could make simple indulgences evermore complicated. Still, with all their bouncing, growling, and maturation, he couldn’t exactly say he minded the heat that always seemed to be sparking his way. This fan club was almost entirely formed of wolf girls, which wasn’t to say he didn’t have admirers of other magical persuasions, it’s just that few creatures could band together in such an odd mixture of rivalry and friendship like a couple of werewolves.

Considering this fondness with which his students showed him, the president of the university had almost cornered him into serving as a representative for the werewolf identity group on campus. Being the wily wolf he was however he managed to escape such shackling responsibilities with a couple of flowers, candies and the sacrifice of serving as her personal chef for the evening. Few could escape a devastating blow to freedom like that one, perhaps it was because of all that time he spent with ghosts.

The regulars, so to speak comprised of Johanna, Camila, Olivia, Skylar, and Maddison. Johanna was more or less busting and blooming, her uniform barely able to contain that that soft yet supple and curvy personality of hers. Her heart beat to the rhythm of hot blooded awesome mounds of girl flesh. They were like melons Allah, forgive. She had hair falling about her frame like desert wind with a darkness to her skin which made it seem as if it too had been choicely baked with its arid heat. She was the most vocal, or at least the most physically expressive of the group, not afraid to shout down a crowd or  tackle Alejandro in the most compromising of times and places.

Camila was more reserved though no less resourceful, she had a tendency to bait him into their exchanges or wait till he was cornered and foolishly mistook himself as being alone and capable of relaxation, then she’d pounce, occasionally trying to capture him with rope or stun him with a glimpse of her half naked body bound in swimsuits, or leather and such. Her hair was frizzy and had a brownish red tint. There was a little scar just along the bridge of her nose which only made her look more charming, in a sort of well humored librarian sort of way.  She was all politeness and respectability until you let your guard down and you were bound to a chair with a now fully naked pseudo-adult covering you with all manner of moistness and steaming emotions. And her scent, oh, how she smelled so...consumable. Alejandro often prepared himself with a hand-towel to keep his manly sweat from overtaking him.

Olivia was on the short side with pleasing hips and a special sway or jiggle when she walked that always made Alejandro a little extra pleased when he dismissed her. She was prone to nervousness, a general aura of day-dreaming distractedness, and a folky sort of straightforward manner of speech which Alejandro could find endearing at the worst of times. Her hair was typically closely cropped with the occasional bang overtaking a side of her face. She comprised the majority of his least taxing interactions with his “club”. She was not one to make things particularly difficult, and though she often professed her love for him, the idea of touching him seemed to send her into a spin of heated hysterics that she often needed to sit down. This meant Alejandro’s usual gymnastics of lawsuit defying counter stalker techniques could rest a little easy as well, though he did make the pointed effort of forgetting her “dilemma” of touch with some harmless head petting or shoulder squeezing. She nearly melted, each and every time.

Although Alejandro was not unfamiliar to most werewolves, he was something of a mild legend, and had his share of horror stories, most of which involved him as the villain in question, the mysterious man, the clever old bastard, or the compromised yet fatedly risen...well hero is a bit of a stretch, but you could say ace in the hole. The last one had everything to do with the world’s unconscious need for underdogs, and few could be so thoroughly pushed under strange circumstances than Alejandro  Cariño, be it a mob of deranged humans, a castle of monsters, a pack of feral wolves, silly vampires, not so silly vampires, or ounce upon ounce of hot girl flesh. More relevantly, although many werewolves would have heard a story or two about the man, Olivia had actually been from one of the packs he could recently claim. In fact, he was almost sure she had followed him to the University just to give him grief. She had wild messy hair cut short “like a boys” as her mother used to tell her. Her reasoning for her fascination with him was shaped as if she wished to be his apprentice in all things wolf and battle. As if he were some general and not her botany teacher. Well, he had been a general a time or two in the past, but those were lifetimes ago, and he had no interest in half killing some child wolfling because she was foolish enough to request “training” from him. He was a dangerous man, which is a humorous thing to say, though it was true. He was not from the time of such pleasantries as “harmless sparring” not really, the best fighters he’d ever known acquired their skills by being tossed onto a battlefield and being able to move a couple of days later. Nothing says eye of the tiger like getting shot in the ass with an arrow and still being to able to kill your way back to base camp. She expected regimens, and diets, and push ups or something, or some hidden technique or whatever. He could have given her these things, if only to amuse himself a little, but in truth he doubted how much they’d benefit her, and such a complicated spirit such as her needn’t be prodded too much in the wrong directions, lest she make an enemy loss to the ways of forgiveness. He did not want her senseless brutalization on his hands. Still this did not stop her from trying to all but assassinate him every time he was late for class, or made the mistake of leaving the room just a tad too slovenly. He had to admit it was entertaining to move around with her a little, she was fun to spin, and flip, or pin down here or there, and she was good at grappling, but then she’d get just a little too serious, and his wolf would break out of him a little and he would scare her just a little too bad and then she’d avoid him for a couple of days. He did not like scareing her but it was better than him accidentally snapping her neck because she felt he cheated in some confrontation he’d wanted no part in anyway. Still that sad puppy dog look nearly twisted his mean ol’ heart. She was built like an athlete and looked as if she was touched by iron.

Skylar, was not a werewolf, not precisely, though she was a young woman who could become a wolf. Her mother had named her Harmony, but she preferred the middle name which had been her father’s choice. Not because she disliked her mother, mostly because she figured she’d get mocked enough for the conventional parts of being a citizen of the world without her name sounding like a new brand of body-wash. Skylar was native american, her hair was shaggy, full, and fell down to her back though she wasn’t shy to putting it into interesting braids. Instead of taking about a quarter of an hour of pain and somewhat grotesque shifting of flesh which was the price of the change for most werewolves, Harmony...I mean Skylar could become a wolf from one second to the next. She had something of a shaman’s magic, medicine woman stuff, though that had more to do with why she was so savvy with balancing spirits or interpreting dreams than it did with the speed or ease of her shift. It may have had something to do with why she found it so simple to banish or recall her clothing when turning from woman to she-wolf and back, but it was not Alejandro’s culture or expertise. She was his responsibility however. Skylar did not have as many classes with him as some of the other girls, but she was his Advisee, and he her Advisor. If they were a spy network it be more or less as if he were her handler, doling out information of importance, and steering her down paths best suited to her skillset and interest. As it was they got along relatively well, she had a bit of a sternness to her which kept most idiots from getting in her way, though she was not against congenial, yet cautious conversation. She had the aura of someone who knew there were things to be feared, and did her best to avoid interacting with them, which didn’t mean she was a coward, more like peculiarly experienced. Yes, Alejandro sensed something like an old soul within her, as well as a steady, yet intense fire in her heart. She considered him to be interesting as well, which she let him know every now and then, usually before inviting him to some private property of her parents or some restaurant out in the middle of nowhere which would undoubtedly require stopping at a hotel for the night. Somehow he didn’t doubt that she could sabotage a vehicle without so much as blinking an eye, she had top marks in his engineering classes.

Maddison was not so much his daughter, but her father, a close friend and in many ways a brother, had more or less entrusted her to him with punishment of torment, to the grave and beyond should any permanent harm befall her. Alejandro tried not to entertain the man’s nonsense too much but he knew how to make a, not so much a threat, but a spooky promise, and Alejandro was already terrified enough of airplanes, he’d been in too many aerial crashes to ever feel safe off the ground, so he didn’t want to worry about his strange friend blowing up his space heater or blaming him for some crime against some national government in which there was a good chance he was not responsible for. Like a twenty-eighty ratio, maybe forty-sixty if it got too close to rome, or the dutch. Maddison had a mane of golden locks so much that he often contented himself by buying bear themed paraphernalia for her so that she might resemble the fairy tail just a little more. She had freckles, and a cute way of scrunching up her nose when she was angry. She was also a mean little fighter like if Camilla's disturbing sense for positioning her prey met Olivia’s brutish grit. When he wasn’t proud he was scared she might try to kill him in his sleep. She had her own dorm, but she seemed to find a degree of comfort in sleeping at the spare room in Alejandro’s apartment. It was a little tense given how dominant she was but he had to admit he didn’t hate when the lil’ tike was around. It was like having a partner in crime, or a deadly teddy bear. She was only about fifteen but of the five she may have been the most dangerous. His friend had the misfortune of sexing up a witch, and so the girl inherited a bit of her mother’s magic, and witch magic was a triple edged sword on the best of days. More like a bomb of corrosives than the skeleton key many tried to pretend it to be. Her wolf seemed to balance it well, but it could only be expected to do so much; balancing her regular tides of emotions would take a swat team. Alejandro was not fool enough to ignore the tinge of possessiveness that seemed to linger in most of their interactions. She did not like the attention other women payed him and seemed to like to make it clear to the other members of the “club” that she more or less got VIP access to his more private moments. Alejandro didn’t mind this exactly as it usually distracted them from whatever plan they were making on assaulting his person instead focusing on battling each other.

Oh how beautiful they were, so radiant and dark and divine, well, Maddison was more creamy than dark but still, she held his heart just the same. They were his joys, his prides, his candles in the night, and he was sure that by the end of this they’d be his deaths.

Fariha, a vampire and one of his fellow faculty members seemed to find it particularly humorous to watch him dance around campus, avoiding one compromising collision or another. She was a vampire, and she owed her deep warm colors, pleasing voice, simple yet fashionable clothing, diversely balanced disposition to India, where she’d been born and raised. She wore her hair in long braids when her head went uncovered, though if Alejandro had to say, she looked more like a shaolin monk than a delicate wallflower, though she’d have been just as sexy either way. So many of his fantasies involved stripping her down, physically, emotionally, maybe both if his wolf was burning just right. The two had settled into something of a veiled rivalry with each trying to tempt the other with as little overt effort as possible. On hot nights he’d wear a red v-neck which all but sent her blood boiling as she crossed and uncrossed her legs trying to get some letter typed while trying not to stare in his direction, looking both pleased and pouty. She would often counter by using him as a place marker in the meal hall, claiming that he’d been saving his place in line, but before he could object or even dream about being aggravated, she’d press her curves all along the shape of his body talking about “what a crowded line” or how she “just needed to warm up a little”. For all his strength he considered forcing her then and there. Oh how he pleaded with Allah to smite whoever had made jeans such painfully restrictive clothing. He walked with a bit of an awkward hunch many of those nights.       

[existentialtheory-blog]

Review of Yuval Harari’s Sapiens

The most important intellectual revolution today is the realization that humanism is no longer a valid or reliable framework for understanding the contemporary condition. Humanism is the belief that our agency, ability to reason, communicate through language, organize into large groups, advance technology, live with dignity, and do things other animals can’t do makes us the most important species on this planet. Human-centric conceptions of life argue that plants and animals are the fuel for our advances. Yuval Harari in his book Sapiens resists human-centric explanations of the world, that is, those that explain away our success as a result of human ingenuity, or credit divine providence for placing us as the original species. He also shies away from reductionist explanations of human's as just another animal. Harari presents a view of entangled humanism, where Homo sapiens are neither masters of our Universe or are merely just another animals species, but they play an integral role in a world affected by our activities such as climate change, pollution, deforestation, and species extinction, and processes completely out of our control such as asteroid collisions, volcanoes, earthquakes, and other cosmic events.

Yuval Harari writes in his masterful work Sapiens that only about two million years ago Homo sapiens were just one of several human-like species including Homo Denisovans, Neanderthal’s, and Homo Floresiensis. He explains how we rose as the primary human species on Earth through luck and good fortune: a mutation that gave us story telling abilities, our ability to survive disease and live in colder climates, and other factors that led to the extinction of other human-like species.  This was, of course, an unexpected event 64 million years after 75% of non-avian species including Dinosaurs became extinct. Harari’s book raises several provocative questions on the development narrative of Homo Sapiens:

First, whether our success should be measured in quantity of our numbers, or based on qualitative measures such as happiness and satisfaction

Second, whether technological progress has always improved the quality of our life?

Finally, do our unique capabilities give us the right to exploit all other species?

Harari’s description of how Homo sapiens advanced from hunter and gatherers to farmers was fascinating. Harari claims that the agricultural revolution was the most significant event in increasing human population and gave us the ability to self-organize in large numbers. While the agricultural revolution allowed for the mass production of food, it had two other consequences. First, it led to the domestication of animals for milk and meat production, a practice that resulted in increasing suffering for animals, and second, it allowed people to invest in the future (grow food for the future) in hopes of not having to hunt every day. Up until the discovery of Penicillin, the agricultural revolution provided a worse quality of life than previous hunter and gatherer societies. Harari writes that childhood mortality rate was almost 30% in agricultural communities and the proximity to domestic animals gave rise to numerous infectious diseases. Most research now confirms that the life expectancy of Agricultural societies was shorter than hunter-gatherer/forager societies due to over-reliance on grain and animal milk instead of the more nutritious breast-milk.

The hunter-gatherers' diet was more varied and didn't rely on a single grain that had to be grown. Hunter-gatherers also enjoyed a better quality of life working only about 20 hours work a week, while farmers had to work longer days for less nutritious food. Agriculturalists suffered from anemia, vitamin deficiencies, spinal deformations, shorter heights, and more dental problems due to the reliance on a single grain for food. The primary objective of the agricultural revolution to store food for the future and give time for people to invent and enjoy luxuries was not achieved by most farmers as they had to work long days to grow crops, and wealthy feudal lords controlled the food supply at the expense of a majority of the population.

Today, there are over a billion cattle today, and its terms of evolutionary success they represent one of the most successful species in the animal world. However, they also suffer more than any creature in the known universe. Cattle and agricultural revolution show that survival and growth should not be the only measure of the success of a particular species. Harari writes the following about cattle,

“In many modern dairy farms, a milk cow usually lives for about five years before being slaughtered. During these five years, she is almost constantly pregnant and is fertilized within 60 to 120 days after giving birth in order to preserve maximum milk production. Her calves are separated from her shortly after birth. The females are reared to become the next generation of dairy cows, whereas the males are handed over to the care of the meat industry. The calf is locked inside a tiny cage not much bigger than the calf’s own body. There the calf spends its entire life – about four months on average. It never leaves its cage, nor is it allowed to play with other calves or even walk – all so that its muscles will not grow strong. Soft muscles mean a soft and juicy steak. The first time the calf has a chance to walk, stretch its muscles and touch other calves is on its way to the slaughterhouse.”

Harari’s description of modern factory farm system shows how little regard humans have for animal suffering. It is a fair assumption that a calf would prefer to wander in open fields as opposed to living on an industrial farm. However, we continue to subsidize and fund factory farms at a high cost to our environment, personal health, and monetary system. Today more people in America die of obesity than starvation. We can grow food much more efficiently, but it is being distributed inefficiently and consumed to the point of earlier death.

Harari argues that as humans have moved away from becoming hunters and foragers and into the agricultural era, we began using our free time differently. As foragers, we focused on maintaining strong social relationships which were necessary to hunt game and kill spare time, however, the shift to farming saw humans organize into societies and start investing for food into the future. For the first time, humans were able to wager off the present for the future. The idea was to work hard now and hoard grain for the future. The idea of investing in the future became an important feature of modern societies, which was not necessary for foragers who survived from hunting animals in their vicinity. However, investing in the future brought along its own problems. Harari writes the following about the luxury trap,

“One of history’s few iron laws is that luxuries tend to become necessities and to spawn new obligations. Once people get used to a certain luxury, they take it for granted. Then they begin to count on it. Finally, they reach a point where they can’t live without it.”

Harari writes we have invested monumentally in luxuries and time-saving devices such as washing machines, vacuum cleaners, cell phones, and computers. Has this led to people working less? No, we just spend more time doing work outside of the office. These become ‘defensive goods’: things we need just to survive the frenetic pace of post-modern life. Something that is a luxury in one generation quickly becomes a necessity for the next one. The car was a luxury that became a necessity, cell phones were a luxury for a few, but now even the lowest level employee in the organization needs a cell-phone for basic tasks. A mobile phone is a survival tool even in the slums of India. Luxuries become defensive goods, and defensive goods become expensive and a pain to maintain.

Harari challenges many beliefs in our current world system that we have taken for granted. We always assumed working 9 to 5 for decades and slaving away for a corporation is the natural way for humans to live. We concluded that exploiting animals for our benefit and living is suburbs would provide us with luxuries and happiness.  We almost always assume that technological innovation and progress will make our lives easier. We are always investing and placing faith in the future.

#Sapiens #CriticalTheory #YuvalHarari #Latestagecapitalism #animalcruelty #veganism #moraltheory #Luxury