#but hey it doesnt make much of a difference (lying to myself)

[maebyshifting]

hey, apologies if this doesnt make sense, its like 1 am and i just got done with dance lol

so, bascially, im doubting shifting. How can i know if its real? Anti-shifters call shifting schizophrenia (however you spell it) or some sort of lucid dreaming. i dont want to waste my time if something isnt real yk? and other people say its just imagination and that i’m stupid for believing that i can shift realities. how can i fully believe shifting, with the little amount of evidence there is?

im not an anti-shifter btw, just curious! also sorry if these questions dont make sense, im in middle school and my english sucks (even though its my first language, lmao)

have a good day! happy shifting <333

shifting antis are usually people who gave up shifting they never shifted or genuinely think it’s a dream and we’re making things up.

i have lucid dreamt for a bit now. while dreams feel real, once you realize you’re dreaming and go lucid, everything feels malleable. shifting doesn’t feel like that. there’s a lucid dreaming term called persistent dreams or persistent realms (something along these lines) that has been talked about for a long time that is basically describing shifting using the lucid dream method under a different name.

lucid dreaming was heavily criticized when i was a kid (and way before even that) because it seemed impossible that people could control their dreams. now there’s tons of research on it. we are a tiny speck in a vast universe that is constantly expanding. if shifting is a super realistic version of lucid dreaming? i’m okay with that! i still know the experiences that i’ll experience are real to me. doesn’t matter what other people think.

because there’s not much research it can be hard to believe. but then i remember shifters talking about their grandparents shifting and keeping it to themselves, not putting a name on it. i think about our younger selves who shifted because our imaginations were so powerful to us. i think of the relief people feel when they shift for the first time. i think of the community that’s been brought together that gains nothing from lying about this. most of all i think about how we discovered this thing for a reason.

best advice i can give is join communities that allow you to talk to other shifters. shiftblr, discord servers, etc. are places you can talk to people who are likeminded and lots of people have genuine stories. for me, i keep shifting as a private thing only for myself and don’t really talk about it with irl friends. i’m not saying you have to do that, but that’s the balance that’s worked for me. but everyone’s different! listen to peoples stories and experiences and it helps so much <3 i hope that helps a little bit? my dms are open so feel free to dm me if you need anything!

[blackvail22]

10/01/23

12:48am - i always have my hopes up... i always want the best possible outcome to happen. everything needs to go right... it just has to. i need to keep low expectations. he doesnt care, and if he wants to leave me on read on two different platforms for 7 hours, hey... who am i to judge? i knew this would happen.

im the sad girlfriend, the one that overthinks constantly. i cant help it.. its something i was taught. so many ppl around me keep lying, and im tired of it. so many things im anxious and overthinking do end up happening.

i want to be happy, but i cant let myself .. i sabotage myself, doing things i know i shouldnt, and its... killing me.

i mnew things being at a high would make my lows go even lower

at this rate ill need my counselor every 3 days after my appointments because I AM STRUGGLING

also i think i developed some sort of ... something w my science teacher last year because every time i see photos of him my heart stops and i almost start crying. i would always want to look the best esp for his class like i never wanted to be a mess near him... so thats unhealthy!

but i am struggling.... what's new!!!!

12:31pm - yesterday did have some fun parts though, and i habe to remember that. my friends visited me at work yesterday before they went to homecoming, and i had fun with my coworker. i focus on the negative a lot... its a habit i need to get rid of

2:20pm - thinking abt how my new coworker invalidated my identity like u dont have to be androgynous to go by they/them, just like u dont have to be masculine to go by he/him and feminine to go by she/her.... like...

11:50pm - im not going to lie, i really dont want to work tomorrow. that means i only have one day off this week... even though my shift tomorrow is only three hours, thats three hours i could spend in my bed after my appointment. and i have to wake up early tomorrow to do a lab that the place i went to couldnt do for my appointment tmrw... im so stressed out. oh, also, someone i went to school with and have mutual friends with said to me today they dont remmeber me at all,, and that kinda sucks! i mean, i didnt talk too much, but you still have to at least notice me... we have mutual friends... she sat behind me in lunch??? during our music department trip, we talked to each other. all well. it doesnt matter anymore, does it?

i cant stop feeling sorry for myself. if i want change with myself, i have to di it... why is it so hard? i really want to live in someone elses body... im sososo tired of mine. i want a different life and different experiences. i want to live in my ideal world, and its impossible now...

[xiaowhore]

sorry guys i won't be functional for the time being

this game has taken over my life

[solarsleepless]

Hello good sir.

Please rant to me about avian hybrid/ Lion hybrid/ enderman hybrid c!Niki headcanons and au's. I NEED MORE of your c!niki banter cs I have already read your fics 3times over and over again.

SHJHJSHJSHJSHJSH GIVE ME GENDER EUPHORIA AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE

i'll give some hcs for each

Avian Niki

niki is either a crow hybrid or an angel hybrid. on one hand crow niki is funny to me on the other hand badass angel

her feathers, ironically, stay white during her 'villain' arc because yaknow symbolism

when she was going out with puffy, she'd let puffy preen them

because she was the only other winged hybrid, quackity trusted her to preen his own wings

in return he preened hers while she was in jail

she used to fly with puffy because love <3

during her isolation arc, she takes out feathers as an unhealthy coping mechanism, reasoning to herself that there's no need to preen if she doesn't have any feathers left (yes it's morbid)

eventually tho she just. doesnt even wear clothes for her wings

she just hides them underneath, which is of course VERY uncomfortable

they get worse and worse and ache more and more and she wants to fly so badly but she can't unless she preens them and she can't because she just can't!

when she joins the syndicate, the first thing phil says during their second meeting is: "hey niki didn't you have wings? what happened to them?"

his voice is tinged with sympathy; he knows what it's like to not be able to fly

she freezes, just stops moving, then starts to cry

phil is worried he's done something wrong, but then she reveals that she's kept her wings hidden under wil's coat and cloak all that time (note the symbolism)

he immediately is like "what the FUCK" when he sees them because there are feathers falling when it's not even shedding season yet?? also there are a few in places they shouldn't be at all? there are some fucking missing?????

long story short it takes multiple hours to get them back in place

niki passes out during it because it's been so long since she hasn't been in constant pain

when she wakes up, phil insists on keeping her there to preen her wings

also the syndicate has a long discussion about what happened and they promise each other and themselves to help her get better

Lion Hybrid Niki

she purrs end tweet

no but seriously this girl will purr to end and back

she purrs louder than ranboo which is SAYING something

she loves the scritchy scratches behind the ears. like REALLY loves 'em. she'll just- once you give her scritches she just. surrenders and leans into it. her purring sounds like a fucking jet plane when she gets the scritchies

she can roar, she only uses it to intimidate people tho

her self-worth is just. deeper than bedrock. she has no self-worth

she and puffy are working on it but she still... needs help

sometimes she gets phantom pain from her declawed fingers. she's found out it hurts less when she massages it, but she can't actually reach it, so she asks puffy to do it, and puffy can't help but feel guilty each time she sees the stumps

also niki hates getting her nails trimmed. like HATES it. even if she doesn't want them growing as long as they did before, the idea of something sharp near her fingers after what happened just makes her blanch

eventually tho she does have to do it

she hugs puffy while ant cuts her nails, and puffy whispers sweet, reassuring comments to her.

like

"you're doing so good. i'm so proud of you" and "we're almost there. you okay? we're gonna get through this."

sometimes tho niki just.. can't handle it. but she doesn't want to disappoint puffy either so she tries to just get through it anyways.

puffy notices her discomfort and asks her if she wants to stop. niki hesitates before nodding.

"niki, you being comfortable is so much more important than this. we can do it tomorrow, okay?"

Enderman Hybrid Niki

makes littol enderman noises. sometimes when she's stressed, sometimes just idly, sometimes when she's happy!

she has a tail because how can i not give her one

also she has pawsies and hands like magpiebur by @/nightferns (BECAUSE I LOVE THE WAY THEY DRAW WILBUR'S PAWWWS)

can withstand water a little better than ranboo, being more human than him

it still burns though

she just has higher pain tolerance lul

also can touch snow unlike ranboo because she's half human, half enderman

her ears and tail twitch whenever she's anxious

didn't really like eye contact, and the l'manbergians respected that (esp eret who didnt like people staring at their eyes either) until schlatt came along and basically forced it, so she kinda forced herself to do it from then on

unlike ranboo however, she doesnt go into enderwalk. she actually hasn't got an enderwalk because ranboo got it from nervous habit and it 'evolved' from there (my hc anyway), she instead literally gets hurt

like it hurts her to make eye contact

ranboo sees that she makes eye contact despite being an enderman hybrid and is like: "...HOW???"

she's just like "oh i force myself to do it lul. cause everyone expects me to anyways. it hurts after a while but its fine"

he just goes completely silent after that, then tells phil and techno at the syndicate meeting (while niki is admiring steve) not to hold eye contact w/niki because it hurts her

techno: "HEHH??? she seemed fine when i visited her!!" ranboo: "yeah she's been hiding it this whole time because society expects her to do it." techno, an adhd fella: "..phil where are the adoption papers-"

niki's confused by the end. why did nobody look at her? why did nobody maintain eye contact with her??? did they not like her?

but at the end phil explains that they thought that because she was an enderman hybrid she wouldn't like it (they're lying to not throw ranboo under the bus)

niki just stares, then starts to cry because holy Shit they are so nice

"nIKI NO YOU'RE BURNING-"

used to bite her tail as a way of self-harm. techno was VERY concerned when he saw the bite marks, but niki just lied and said that it was a dog attack

he knows for a fact it wasn't a dog because he's been bitten and his furniture has bites and it didnt look like that

more like that One Time when Ranboo bit him while he was in his enderwalk state

cue him connecting the dots and being like "...WAIT"

niki also really likes blocks. like we all know her city is weird in some parts because it's built with different blocks, signifying niki's jumbled up mind while planning to kill tommy. but in the enderman hybrid niki hc, its also partly because blocks feel nice and she wanted to feel different ones

her tail curls around the legs of people she likes. so far, it's gone around: wilbur, tommy n tubbo (those two specifically during pogtopia), fundy, eret, puffy and the rest of the syndicate

whenever puffy made her flustered she'd blush either green or pink. no inbetween. puffy was very confused and thought niki was disgusted by her at first and was all :(( before niki explained her wack biology

that's all i got for now im afraid!

[scarletemeterio-thesecond]

Hello! Could i request a Sokka imagine where the reader is Tophs older sister who tries to leave her home when Toph join the Gaang? The MC is an outcast in her family, even by Toph. Toph doesnt want her to join because she claims she cant bend so shed be useless, this makes Sokka defend her and she joins along. The real reason shes an outcast in her family tho, is because shes a fire bender, and she has to hide her secret, only reavling the truth by accident after protecting Sokka in battle.

i absolutely loved this concept and i finally managed to finish this fic, i am so sorry for the long ass wait, but i'm starting to catch up on some old requests. hope you like it!

•••

Secrets (Sokka x Fem!Reader)

Warnings: none i think

Genre: Fluff i guess

Fandom: Avatar The Last Airbender

Summary: See request

Word Count: 1938

Reader uses she/her pronouns

•••

Being home was too much for (Y/N). She felt like she was invisible in her own family. The Beifongs had taken her in when she was little, but when they found out that she was a firebender, things changed completely.

When Toph was little, they were quite close, but then her parents managed to break them apart. They'd tell Toph that she was dangerous but also that she was useless because she couldn't bend.

So during the last few years, she felt like an outcast. She would go to the ring most of the time and analyze the movements of the fighters, trying to train herself. She eventually managed to improve her firebending, which had an unique style based on earthbending, but she still had a lot to learn.

She stopped going to the ring once she realized that Toph was the Blind Bandit, she didn't want to run into her outside of the house, but kept practicing on her own.

But suddenly one day the Avatar came to her home. He was looking for an earthbender teacher and she immediately knew that the person he was interested in was Toph. Dinner was a little awkward, but once everyone was ready for bed, things seemed much calmer.

(Y/N) was outside the house, enjoying the fresh air of the night when suddenly, she heard her sister talking.

''Even though I was born blind, I've never had a problem seeing. I see with earthbending. It's kind of like seeing with my feet, '' she said. ''I feel the vibrations in the earth, and I can see where everything is-- you, that tree, even those ants. And also my sister around here somewhere,'' she chuckled at her words. Even though they didn't have the best relationship, it was nice hearing Toph call her her sister. It made her feel a bit normal, even if back at the house she was still an outcast.

She stopped paying attention to the two kids and lost herself in her thoughts, but she got out of her trance when she heard an unfamiliar voice. (Y/N) went running back to the house and desperately called her parents.

''What's the meaning of this?'' Asked her father, clearly annoyed at the noise.

''Toph and the Avatar! Someone took them!''

Everyone went outside, following her, and they realized that the captors had left a note.

''If you want to see your daughter again, bring 500 gold pieces to the arena,'' read the girl from the Water Tribe. ''And it's signed 'Xin Fu and The Boulder.'''

''Master Yu, I need you to help me get my daughter back.''

''We're going with you,'' said the waterbender.

''I wanna go, too,'' said (Y/N). She was looking at her father as the words left her mouth.

''No, you can't come, (Y/N), you-.''

''I don't care. I know you've broken the relationship between me and Toph, but she's still my sister and I want to go.''

''You're not a bender, (Y/N), it would only be for the worse.''

''You know I can help,'' she muttered, knowing that her father knew what she meant.

There was a small pause while they shared a look. ''Fine, you can come, but don't try to do anything you might regret.'' He walked away from her and soon they all headed towards the arena.

Once Toph was free, her father finally saw what she was capable of. The way back to the house was awkward, to say the least.

After the conversation that Toph had with her father, there was a bigger tension in the house than usual.

A few moments later, (Y/N) heard some noise close to her room, and when she opened the door a little, she realized that her sister was escaping. She considered the idea of staying home, of being the only Beifong daughter and she couldn't think of something worse.

So as fast as she could, she changed her clothes to something more comfortable and ran quietly outside.

"Wait, guys! Please!" Said (Y/N) while running towards the group. "I wanna come too," she told them. "Please?"

She could see how Aang, Katara and Sokka all started nodding with smiles on their faces, but whem she looked at Toph, her expression was completely different.

"You can't," said the girl.

"What? Why not?"

"Yeah, Toph, what's the problem?" Asked Katara.

"Look, (Y/N), I don't mean to offend you but why would you even come with us?"

"Because I don't belong here, and you know it."

"You're not a bender, you would only be a liability to us."

"Hey! Don't be like that, Toph!" Exclaimed Sokka.

(Y/N) already had some tears on her eyes but quickly got rid of them. She didn't want the others to see her cry.

Sokka got down from Appa and stood next to (Y/N). "(Y/N) is coming with us, okay? Now let's go, we don't want to waste any time." He grabbed the girl by the arm and helped her get on top of Appa.

During their whole journey away from the Beifongs' house, Sokka and (Y/N) talked a lot.

He liked having someone like him around, it made him feel like he wasn't so alone; and she liked feeling like someone cared a little bit about her.

-

The days went by and (Y/N) could finally tell that she'd found her new family. Even her relationship with her sister had improved significantly since they'd both left home.

Still, no one knew that she was actually a firebender. She hated lying to everyone but she also didn't know how to tell them; in her head, she thought that they wouldn't want her to be with them anymore, she was afraid.

"Hey, (Y/N)," she heard someone say. She looked up and saw Sokka standing next to her. He took a seat by her side. "What are you thinking about?"

"Hi, Sokka. It's nothing, really," she tried to sound convincing but knew that she'd failed. Out of everyone in the group, Sokka was the one she was closest to. She even had a little crush on him, and the fact that she was lying to him was destroying her.

"You always say that but I never believe you."

"I already told you, Sokka, I can't talk about it." She looked at him and he gave her a sympathetic look.

"You can tell me anything, (Y/N). And I promise I won't tell your secret to anyone else."

"No, I can't. You'd hate me if I told you, trust me."

"What? I could never hate you!" He exclaimed and she smiled a little. (Y/N) knew he believed what he was saying, but would it still be true even if he found out what she really was?

Sokka took one of the maps he'd taken from the library, trying to decipher it while still enjoying (Y/N)'s company.

"Waterbending bomb!" Katara yelled from afar, and then everyone saw her get into the water, splashing everyone.

"Sure, 5.000-year-old maps from the spirit library. Just splash some water on 'em," complained Sokka.

(Y/N) couldn't help but giggle a bit at his reaction.

They had to figure out a way to finally get to Ba Sing Se, and The Serpent's Pass seemed to be the only way, but that was until they met a couple that told them about the ferries.

However, the plan was a total failure, so the only option they had left was the dangerous Serpent's Pass.

It wasn't easy, but they eventually made it to the great city of Ba Sing Se. But there was something waiting for them there: a drill with the Fire Nation insignia on it.

It was obvious who was behind that, the Fire Nation princess herself, along with her two friends. Luckily, Sokka came up with a plan, they were going to take the drill down from the inside.

"Okay, we're gonna go with Toph and then we'll get inside of it, okay?" Sokka said.

They all nodded and got ready to go, but the earthbender suddenly stopped for a second.

"(Y/N), I think that you should stay here."

"What?" She was confused. They had been getting along a lot better lately, but that comment took her by surprise.

"You could get hurt, it's not safe. Plus, well, you can't bend and you know that."

"Toph, I can take care of myself, okay? I told you a million times before!"

"I know, but-."

"She's coming with us," interrupted Sokka. "She is one of us and we won't leave anyone behind, okay? And she's not helpless, Toph."

The little girl tried to say something, but the young boy didn't let her.

When they finally reached the drill, Toph stayed outside, and the rest of them went inside.

"I need a plan of this machine. Some schematics that show what the inside looks like. Then we can find its weak points."

"Where are we gonna get something like that?" Asked Aang.

"Maybe we should break something, then some engineer would have to come to fix it," suggested (Y/N).

"Good idea," said Sokka, and he got on with it.

Once they had the map, they knew what they'd have to do, but it wasn't going to be easy.

Aang and Katara had to cut through the braces of the structure, but they turned out to be a lot thicker than they thought. They luckily realized they didn't have to cut all the way through them, instead it was enough with just cutting a little to weaken them.

All of them were focused on the braces, so the only one that noticed the three Fire Nation girls was (Y/N). She realized Azula was about to blast some fire towards Sokka, and she quickly pushed him away and instinctively threw some fire at her, too.

Everyone was shocked, even the three girls that were trying to fight them, but there was no time for explanations.

Katara, Sokka and (Y/N) escaped through the pipeline and even though the battle wasn't over, as soon as they were out of the drill Sokka started interrogating (Y/N).

"You were a firebender this whole time? Why didn't you say anything? And why doesn't Toph know? I mean, she's your sister and- Wait," he made a pause, suddenly realising something. "That was your secret, right?"

She nodded slightly, and looked away to try and hide her blushing face.

"(Y/N), how could you think we would ever hate you for that? That I would hate you?" She could see the hurt in his face, and she hated herself for it.

"The Fire Nation is the enemy, so I guess I figured you wouldn't want me in your team anymore if you found out where I'm really from."

"(Y/N), you can't change where you come from, and we would never hate you for that," said Katara in a sweet voice, still using her bending against Ty Lee.

Sokka wrapped his arms against (Y/N), which took her by surprise, but she quickly wrapped hers around his waist. "Thank you for protecting me back there. And once again, I could never hate you, okay?" They pulled away just a little to look at each other and then he kissed her forehead.

They knew they were still in the middle of a battle and that Katara was just a few meters away from them, but right there in that moment, it didn't matter. It was only (Y/N) and Sokka, wrapped around eachothers' arms, finally starting to realize their feelings for one another.

•••

TAGLIST

@talas-starlight @just-a-belgian-girl @sorrythatspussynal @siriuslyslyslytherin

[tattooyeol]

Presenting to you, Exo looks: Live in technicolor

This time I wasn't allowed to include any styles with black hair, so these are my favourite colorful looks for each member.

I'm adding commentary this time bc i feel like just presenting photos without an explanation isnt very fun and doesnt lead to much discussion

(Some of the pictures are better than others but bare with me lol, sometimes i even had to just screenshot straight from mvs)

Without further ado

Imo Junmyeon is the only one to have done the pink hair RIGHT. Look how his skin is glowing! The off-center part looks great, this look is just overall a 10/10

Continuing my "long hair Sehun supremacy" agenda lmao. Sehun has had SO many styles and I just think this would be super interesting and i would love to see it on him. The messy style also gives him a less polished looks than he usually has and it adds some masculinity Also this color makes his skin glow <3

Redhair-yeol and Peach-yeol were a close second, but I would be going against everything I've been preaching on this blog and I would be lying to myself if I didnt stick to Silveryeol. This specific look with the fluffy curls, the jewelry and tattoos is probably my favourite look of his ever!! It makes me so soft!!!!! Theres a reason i go back to this look every time i change my icon <3 Its breathtaking

Im not sure if it was simply the novelty of seeing Ksoo with something other than black hair, but this almost reddish/auburn brown hair w the freckles was such a fresh look on ksoo and it looks super cute! The dreamlike/nostalgic vibe of this photoshoot probably adds to the effect of it all.

I KNOW i came for the Hey Mama looks in my last ranking for Minseok and Jongdae but its ok bc the mv actually has my favourite Baekhyun look! The wavy sidepart with the bright red is super fun and just gives him this very charming vibe. I cant explain it - it adds to the cheekiness that Baekhyun is so known for and it elevates his look!

This was a surprise to me - Yixing hasn't had a ton of different haircolors and I really honestly believe that he is just perfect with the black hair, so i was surprised by how much i like this. I like the dark undercut and the curls - its super different on him and its interesting!

I'm pretty sure we all lost our minds when Jongdae had blonde hair for their The War comeback? He hadn't ever had this kind of look before and its GORGEOUS. This is jongdae done exactly right

I was super torn between this and the chocolate-brown curly look he had when he played Ato. In practice, I will say Jongin looks his absolute best with the chocolate-brown. However, I had to choose this look because it lives absolutely rent-free in my mind. yall cant even SPELL disneyprince

OK HEAR ME OUT i know this is like the exact same color i said was his worst look on the last one. This is a good example on how styling is SO important. Because THIS look? pure sex. you look amazing sweetie.

[doodledrawsthings]

Her Aim Was Getting Better

(Ahit ““““““Coffee Shop AU”““““““ rp log)

This is part of an RP between @displacedentities and myself detailing the meet-up between Luka and Vanessa, when she spikes his coffee with the curse. We did this a while back to get a feel for the characters and how that scene would go down, and they nailed it with how they wrote Vanessa. So I asked them if I could post it. Some of the stuff here was written before we had other things established, so some things like Hatties’s age and how long ago they split might be inconsistent with other posts I’ve made, but Enjoy!

(also forgive me for the way i write my parts, I’m not as practiced at writing rip)

(MysticDoodles) Despite the warm paper cup in her hands, Vanessa couldn't deny the chill in her bones. It had yet to go away since that day in court, biting at her skin and hovering just at the base of her brain stem. It always seemed to grow colder whenever she thought about how she got here... the things she'd said. What she almost did to that poor briefcase jockey in the courthouse.

But it didn't matter, anymore. If anything, her mom was happy she lost that case. Losing her husband and... child had stripped away all excuses she had not to throw herself into her work, and her mother was happy. 

Vanessa was not happy. 

In fact, she was seething. 

Luka took everything from her, that day. Her love, her place in their home. His adorable smile, his laugh... they weren't hers anymore. He only gave them to that- little gremlin. The parasite that took his love away from her, her precious nickname given to their daughter. 

Nobody got to be Luka's princess except Vanessa herself. Never again.

She lost the custody battle and her efforts to take Luka's obsession away from him, but she was going to make sure he lost so much more.

Vanessa waited in the autumn breeze, her fingers clenching and unclenching around the coffee cup. Chestnut-infused Columbian. His favorite. A sister cup sat opposite the table, waiting for him. If he was brave enough to show his face. .

(DeusExMakena)  He could see her from his car as he pulled into the parking space, sitting at a table by the large window at the front of the coffee shop. How long had it been now? Around five years, right? Hattie was barely a year old when they split.

He used to get so excited about meeting her, being in her presence, making her smile... and now the very thought of just getting out of his car and making eye contact with her left a pit in his stomach. As much as he'd loved this woman in the past, the way she treated their newborn daughter.... he had to stop thinking about it. Starting this meeting out in an angry mood wouldn't be a good idea.

With a sigh he finally willed himself to leave the vehicle, and just as he looked up their eyes met. The pit in his stomach deepened as he walked up to the cafe doors.

(MysticDoodles) The ice crept up her neck again. Vanessa forced it down, and put up a smile. No reason to start this off as cold as the ice in her veins. 

 Luka can see from her attire that she's doing rather well- financially, anyway. A thick coat against the autumn chill- or maybe from her heart, so closed off- and a scarf stuffed into her bookbag. Her mother must have improved her stipend, now that they split. What a beastly woman. It's pointless to ponder what-ifs at this point, but maybe if Vanessa's mother had been someone else... no. No point.

 With one hand, she gestures to the chair opposite her. Empty and waiting. "Hello, Luka. I got your favorite. You're doing well?" 

 ...the tenor isn't as friendly as it sounds, and feels more plastic than her smile appears.

(DeusExMakena) He hesitates, looking around the venue at the other tennants before wordlessly taking the seat across from her, mostly staring at the coffee cup in front of him.

Why is he having such a hard time looking at her?

"I'm... fine," he manages to force out as he takes the cup in both hands. Come on, man just get this over with and you can go home. "So uh, what brings you here?"

He wishes he could kick himself in the face for how out of place he feels, right now. What do you even say to someone you haven't seen in years, when the last time you saw them had been after an intense battle over the custody rights of the child you fought so hard to protect?

At least the warmth of the cup in his hands provides him with some reassurance.

(MysticDoodles) Something in Vanessa's smile twitches, but it's gone before he can really tell what it was.

"Oh- I just wanted to chat, catch up on old times, you know? I'm guessing the bar exam went well?"

...

Awkward silence, as Vanessa turns her smile away. She lifts her own coffee cup to her lips and takes a long drink, looking at the pavement.When she sets it down, there's a brief moment where her fingertips looked blue. It soon fades back into perfectly trimmed nails.

"...you know why I called you here, Luka. Don't make me lie to you." Her voice grows quiet, though pensive or frustrated is difficult to parse. "You were always better at lying, anyway."

(DeusExMakena) He squints slightly at that last remark and has to do enrything in his power to hold his tongue.

"I dont, actually. With the way things ended the last time we saw eachother, I was almost sure that would be it." he says, probably with a bit more venom in his tone than he should have used, but he was here for less than 10 minutes, now, and he could already feel his patience waning.

"But if you're really just here to reconnect, you'll have to forgive me" he takes a moment to swirl the cup in front of him before lifting it towards his mouth "I'm not very good at small-talk."

Chestnut-infused Columbean bean. Cream and Sugar. So nice to know that she never forgot.

(MysticDoodles) Vanessa smiles as he takes a drink. It's gone by the time he removes the cup again.

"...sorry," she says. Her stony expression shifts into a frown. This wasn't how she expected this conversation to go- but really, she had been expecting nothing, so no pain or gain thus far. "I'm not being very polite, am I? I guess I just- missed you, Luka. It's very different, going back to my mother's apartment after-... well. Being with you."

...

Another quiet sip. Vanessa runs her finger on the plastic cap.

"...do you miss the nights after we studied, when we'd just sit on the couch together and watch garbage movies?"

Before Harriet came along, she didn't say aloud.

(DeusExMakena) Of course he did, he loved her. And as much as he'd love to revisit those moments, to relive the sense of elation he felt when he got her to laugh over awkward acting and nonsensical writing... He just couldn't forgive her for what she did.

He sighs, opting to indulge in her to see where she's going with this.

"Yeah," He takes another sip, looking back down at the table "Sometimes I still wonder why that had to stop."

(MysticDoodles) There's no way he misses the way her fingers tighten on the paper coffee cup. Especially since it's accompanied by an audible pop of paper crumpling in a half inch, and liquid sloshing within.

"They did stop, Luka."

How could he be so blind?

"They stopped when you stopped spending them with me. You spent all your time with our daughter, and not with the loving wife who gave her to you. Don't you see how unfair that is? I deserved your time, too."

Vanessa sighs, her words almost chastising. It reminded of the times she shifted into 'disappointed mother' mode around Harriet. Their one year old, at the time, who didn't understand consequences for things like dropping a toy in the sink. She even had the nerve to sound hurt as she speaks those words.

(DeusExMakena) He is absolutely apalled.

"I-" he doesnt know why he cant find the words to respond. His eyes wide and his eyebrows furrow as he glares directly at her. He shouldnt be surprised by this, really, he saw this coming. Five years, and some things will just never change.

Luka pinches the bridge of his nose, he MARRIED this woman.

"I'm sorry, are we- are we really doing this again?" He sets his coffee cup on the table with a little more force than he wanted to, "You do realize you're getting jealous over a literal one-year old that we both agreed that we wanted to have. I'm her father, I'm sorry, again, for doing my job and raising our child."

(MysticDoodles) Vanessa's long-suffering expression hardens back into stone, pouting out her lip as once more, Luka shows no signs of budging on his stance. How very lawyerlike of him. To the bitter end, he would fight for his side of the case against the opposition. She wished they didn't have to be on opposite sides, anymore, yet here she was for the second time.

"Is it so wrong that I wanted to spend more time with my husband? All toddlers need to learn to share, anyway." Vanessa shrugs, as if this were no big deal. "You never spent evenings with me, anymore, Luka. Every night that you came back from graduate classes and networking with firms, you would go right to her. The honeyed words for me didn't come until dinner, if they came at all. And don't talk to me like I wasn't a good mother- I kept her out of trouble during the day, whenever I was out of rotation."

...

"How is my little Harriet doing? It's been so long since you've squirreled her away."

(DeusExMakena) No. No, no, no, he's not doing this again

"You..." He tries to hold his tongue, but peck, he doesnt want to deal with this right now. He feels his hands ball into fists "No. I'm sorry, no, you don't get to ask how my daughter is doing. You had every opportunity to join us, no one was stopping you from being happy but yourself! You wanna talk about sharing? Then why are you throwing a fit over a over a child spending time with her father?"

 ...

"She wanted a relationship with you, you know. It's... really hard having to explain to a five-year-old that she doesnt get to see her mother because she was too immature to realize 'oh hey! I could hang out with both my daughter AND my husband at the same time!'" He says that last bit in a mocking tone as he picks up his coffee and goes in for another sip, glaring straight at his ex-wife with pure exasperation.

(MysticDoodles) There he goes again. His daughter.

This time, Vanessa doesn't look away as she returns the glare. The medical graduate holds unflinching eye contact as she lifts her own cup and downs half the contents. Trying to make a statement, maybe? She always did have issues with competition.

"...so where does that leave us, then? You drink the coffee I got you, and walk away? Are you really so set on burning this bridge, Luka? Things can go back to the way they were, if you really want it that way. My stipend will get us through the rest of exams, and then we can live a good life together - high paying jobs, a comfortable apartment, as many dates and trashy movie nights as we want. Doesn't that sound wonderful?"

...she didn't say a word about five-year-old Harriet.

(DeusExMakena) Luka takes a moment to stare at her, eyes half-lidded and tired.

He picks up the cup and downs the rest of his coffee, before placing it back on the table and standing up from his seat, his eyes never leaving hers.

"Allow me to light the match for you."

With that, he turns towards the door, ready to leave. Why would he feel bad about burning a bridge that leads nowhere?

(MysticDoodles) Luka can hear the squeal of the metal chair legs as Vanessa stands abruptly from her seat. There's no click of heels on riverstone, but he knows she's got her fists clenched at her sides, watching him. She always did that when she was angry. Maybe this time she'd have some ice on her wrists, now that her abilities were public. She'd put less effort into hiding it after the court case, anyway.

"YOU'RE MAKING A MISTAKE!" Vanessa yells after him as he continues, stride unbroken. "You'll regret this! You won that case, but you'll always be my prince, and I'll always be your princess!"

But legally, she couldn't touch him, now. Luka and Harriet were no longer family. He knew that, and she knew he did.

...

Oh well.

The door closes with a crnk-ling of the bell, and the background noise of the cafe starts to fade back into her awareness. Or lack thereof. Everyone nearby was staring, not that she cared.

Stiffening her upper lip, Vanessa grabs her bag and loops it back over one shoulder. She pats the side, removing the scarf off the copy of 'Ancient Botanicals & You' she'd found at the antique bookshop, and tying the garment back around her neck. With one hand she picks up Luka's cup, and looks inside.

Empty.

A smile traces her lips as she takes it along with her own, and tosses them both into the trash can.

Now all she had to do was wait and see.

[bridgyrose]

Ruby lost herself in thought as she started looking through a few pages of her textbook to attempt to study. However, her mind kept wandering through the memories that Salem had shown her. Watching the man she loved die over and over again, that same man betraying her, the way the gods had toyed with her…

“Ruby? Ruby!” 

Ruby fell out of her chair, rubbing the back of her head as she looked up to see Weiss standing behind her. “O-oh, hey Weissy.” 

Weiss sighed and rolled her eyes and she helped Ruby up. “I’ve been trying to get your attention for nearly ten minutes now.” 

“S-sorry, I guess I didnt hear you.” Ruby closed her book and sighed. “Guess I’ve had a lot on my mind.” 

“Is that why you’re spacing out all the time?” 

“I havent been spacing out *that* much.” 

Weiss scoffed and pulled out her own notes to study. “Right, of course not. That’s why you ended up with detention for ignoring Doctor Oobleck. And Professor Goodwitch. And you didnt fall asleep in Professor Port’s class, or doodle-” 

“Alright, alright, I get it. I… just havent been feeling myself lately.” 

Weiss paused for a moment before looking at the younger girl, almost not recognizing her for a moment. “You’re not getting sick, are you?” 

“No, its not that.” Ruby sat down, hesitating for a moment as she tried to put her thoughts into words. She knew she was about to sound crazy and Weiss probably wasnt going to believe her, but she wasnt sure who else to try to talk to right now. “I’ve… been hearing a voice in my head.” 

“A voice?” 

“Yes, a voice. A… woman’s voice. She calls herself Salem and she… showed me things.” 

“And what sort of things did this “voice” show you?” asked Weiss, making air quotes with her fingers as she talked. 

“She uh… she showed me a man dying. Over and over and over again. And then the same man with a different face betrays her. I watched humanity be destroyed and rebuild itself.” 

“Are you sure you just werent imagining things? Or maybe daydreaming?” 

“It felt real!” Ruby’s hands started to shake a bit as she remembered the pain she felt through Salem’s memories. The way the flames around the castle burned her skin, the way her heart skipped a beat as she watched Ozma die in front of her, the anger building inside of her from the secrets that Ozma kept… 

Weiss hesitated for a moment as she watched her partner start to go pale, shaking hard. “You’re serious, arent you?” 

Ruby slowly nodded, her breath starting to feel shaky. “I know, you think I’m crazy-” 

“I think you need to go to the infirmary,” replied Weiss. She quickly took Ruby’s hand, slowly pulling her out of the dorm and down the hall. “We can figure out what’s going on with your head in a bit, but right now, you’re not looking so great and I refuse to let you hold me back.” 

Ruby felt her stomach start to tie up in knots as she listened to Weiss, not quite sure if she could trust Weiss’s words. For the last few weeks, all she had seen was the heiress trying to get her to drop out, or pressing her to leave. This was the first time there had ever been a hint of worry in her voice, and it was still backed by a threat of not holding her back. “I’ll be fine.” 

“And we’re going to make sure you’re fine.” 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The nurse checked the thermometer in Ruby’s mouth, noting down the numbers before taking it out. “I cant seem to find what’s wrong with you. Blood pressure is fine, your temperature is normal, you’re still just as healthy as your first day.” 

Ruby sighed and laid back on the bed. “Told you I’d be fine, Weiss.” 

Weiss rolled her eyes. “And you were paler than I was when I brought you here.” 

The nurse got up to look at a few other students. “My recommendation is to get some rest. Probably should head back to the dorm and take the next couple days off. I’ll make sure the professors know what’s going on.” 

Weiss offered a hand to Ruby. “Come on, lets get you back to the dorm.” 

“I’ll make my way there in a bit.” Ruby stood up and started walking out of the infirmary. “I just… need to be alone for a moment.” 

“You heard the nurse, you need your rest-” 

“And I’ll get it.” Ruby paused for a moment when she realized her tone sounded angrier than she was. “I… just need some fresh air.” 

Weiss sighed as she watched Ruby walk off. “Why is my partner such a dolt?” 

Ruby slowly walked through the hallways, trying to clear her head to think. She was starting to think that Salem was right, that people would only say what others wanted to hear to use them. That the only way to make it in this world was to use others-

“I’m glad you’re finally starting to see things my way.” Salem’s voice started echoing in Ruby’s mind again. “And your partner isnt the only one who’s lying to you.” 

“Weiss… isnt lying to me. I know she doesnt like me-” 

“Is it not lying that she pretends to care about you when it suits her needs? You heard her yourself. She wont let you “hold her back.” You know she only sees you as dead weight and any attempts she makes to say otherwise is just her telling you exactly what you want to hear, what you need to hear. Besides, your sister’s partner is hiding who she is herself. Or have you not noticed the way that bow twitches?" 

Ruby stopped mid step, her thoughts starting to wander to each time she spoke to Blake, the bow on her head twitching ever so slightly, easily missable if you didnt know what to look for. “I.. what does that have to do with Weiss lying?” 

“Maybe it has nothing to do with it, or maybe she’s just planning on using you the same way Weiss is. Either way, you cannot trust your team. Not your partner, not your sister, and definitely not Blake.” 

Ruby sighed and started walking outside to the courtyard, finding a secluded spot to sit down and take a few deep breaths. “Okay, so dont trust anyone and then what? I still need to graduate as a huntress and that’s not something I can do on my own. I still need my team for that.” 

“Then play their game. If they want to use you, use them back.” 

[thatsallotadamage]

Hey so I actually wrote it @queendibz

Tw: mentions of bullying and telling someone to kill themselves.

Not spell checked

"So this is kinda akward huh?" Kaminari asked his de-aged friend.

Izuku Midoriya had been hit with a villians quirk while on patrol the night prior. He felt fine before he went to bed but when he woke up he wasn't exactly himself. You see, he had been de-aged to his middleschool self with no recollection of anything past middleschool, not even meeting Allmight. Eraserhead assured the people who found him in this state that he'd be back to normal in 12 hours, but it was still bizzare to see such a short person in the UA dorms.

"I wouldn't say akward, more like I'm thoroughly freaked out" Midoriya explained as he twiddled with the tangle Kaminari had given him.in his hands. "You and...what's the blue guys name? Iida finding me scared me the most but I'm happy to know I actually made it to UA!" The younger said with a smile. No one else was in the commons area at the moment so it was just two dudes chilling.

Kaminari laughed "Course you made it to UA Deku! You're awesome!" He chimmed. Midoriya seemed to flinch at the name hut just laughed it off, he had been told that was his Hero name though he had no idea why in Gods name he would ever pick that.

"Well never in a million years would I have thought UA accepted quirkless people like me into the hero course" he said, looking down at his lap.

That confused Kaminari "What?" He asked. "You're not quirkless Mido? What about all the green sparks and breaking your fingers and arms every practice because your quirks to powerful?" He asked.

Izuku stared at him in disbelief "Thats- I'm sorry sir but that's impossible! I don't have a quirk! And even if I did my mother can make little things float and my father has fire breathing, how would I have anything like that?!" He sputtered.

Kaminari was very, very confused "Wait so Bakubro wasn't lying?" He asked.

Izuku's face contorted in fear "...K-katsuki Bakugou?" He asked. Kaminari was about to answer his question but the elevator door opened and a sea of students came flooding out.

"Kaminari! Iida told us what happened! Is he okay?!" Ochako asked, hurrying over. She looked over at her- much smaller friend and nearly squealed "Oh goodness I knew you were a cute kid Deku but I didn't think you were this cute!" She squeaked. Pretty soon everyone was gathered around asking the poor boy questions, his young with the tangle became more and more rushed and aggressive the more fearful he got.

To many people, to much, it was all to much. And every one of them was calling him some variation of Midoriya or Deku. He abruptly yelled "Stop!" And that seemed to quiet everyone. He took deep breaths as he tried to calm down and wiped his eyes "I'm sorry its just- I don't know what's going on, how did I even get into this school if I dont have a quirk?".

He was given confused looks untill the door to the elevator opened up and the one face Izuku did not want to see popped out. Katsuki Bakugou. He was so much bigger, more muscular now too! Izuku stared at him with something people weren't used to seeing in his face, pure dread.

Bakugou slowly sauntered over, taking his sweet time and just standing there, staring at the middleschool student. "Hey Deku-". The younger flinched and brought his hands up over his head in a defensive way "I'm sorry Kacchan! Please don't!" He cried out.

Katsuki filled with pure dread, all eyes were on these two and Izuku looked absolutely terrified of him. He could already hear the whispering if "Weren't they friends?" And "Oh right he bullied him didn't he?". He clicked his toung and crossed his arms "Deku I'm not going to hurt you, I'm a different person from middleschool" he said.

The green haired boy slowly lowered his hands, an angry look on his face "Just because you changed doesn't mean you don't tell me to kill myself every fucking day Katsuki" he snapped.

"I don't tell you that! When did I ever tell you that?!" The blonde became aggravated.

"Let's see! Monday when you stole my lunch you told me to go die, Tuesday when you beat me bloody you told me the world would be better off if quirkless people like me stopped existing, Wednesday you drew a tombstone on my desk with my name on it and just this morning you told me to stand on the tracks already when I was eating my breakfast at the metro station" Silence filled the room as Midoriya recounted the stuff that had happened in his timeline. "And what's with everyone calling me Deku huh?! Is this some kind of sick joke? Can't you just let me have one good thing in my life? No I bet you get everyone to pick on me here too huh?!" The younger stood up as he yelled at him aggressively.

"I'm- sorry Izuku" Bakugou said shamefully. "I'm sorry that my middleschool self is such an ass to you, and you were the one that picked Deku as your hero name, that's why everyones calling you that" he said. Sero tried his best not to laugh, seeing Bakugou say he was sorry wasn't something you got to see every day.

Midoriya didn't seem any less pissed off but he wiped his tearful eyes and started to toy with the tangle again in silence. People dispersed to give him some space and only Kaminari was left sitting with him. "Was Bakubro really that nasty?" He asked. "He does that to me sometimes- I mean he doesnt tell me to die he just calls me stupid, dunce face, idiot- stuff like that you know? But he does that to everyone here" he explained.

"Well to.me Katsuki is- well he was a bully, we were friends when we were little but the older we got the angrier he became and it just ended up being him bullying me" he explained and scratched the back of his head. "I hate him really, sometimes I daydream about stabbing him to make it all stop" he admitted his thoughts of violence. "Though I suppose if hes okay in this timeline then I'll probably stop getting picked on" he smiled "That's something I never thought would happen" he beamed at the thiught of it.

"Yeah...hes a pretty great guy now, hes one of my best friends" Kaminari admitted. "You and I aren't very close but we're bros" he explained.

"Well I'll try and remember you okay?" Midoriya asked "And when I get to UA we'll be the best of friends!".

____

The de aged Midoriya did not I fact remember Kaminari. Infact when he got back to his own timeline he remembered nothing of his little trip to UA. But Kaminari sure did and he made an effort to get closer to the green haired boy.

[thatsbucknasty]

she used to be mine (iv) waitress au

pairing: Y/N x Bucky

summary: Inspired by the broadway musical. Y/N Beck is a pie baking force to be reckoned with. She’s pregnant with her lazy ass husband, Quentin Beck’s baby. As everything around her turns upside down, Doctor James Buchanan Barnes charms his way into her life.

tags are open c:

chapter 4: it only takes a taste

Time goes by so fast and I swear my uniform shrunk in the washing machine. I’ll have to ask doctor Barnes when I’m gonna start showing cause the girls say I still look normal but my clothes disagree.

Thank god Quentin’s still clueless about the baby and I’m happy about it. I just wish he’d find a job, that way maybe I could tell him and we could save money together instead of me doing all the work while he’s out having all the fun. I don’t mind that he spends a lot of time at the bar with his friends, it actually gives me a breather from time to time. I wouldn’t complain at all if he was buying his six packs with his own money. I’m worried about him though. He comes so late every night and he’s always in a bad mood, always complaining. Let’s just hope tonight his football team wins or I won’t hear the end of it.

“Y/N, did you bring me leftovers again? You bake god knows how many pies every day for the diner but you can’t bring your husband a single one that’s actually still warm and, oh I don’t know, whole?” He puts the plate aside and moves around the table to where I’m standind. God, the nerve of this man!

“You know I’m in a bad situation right now. Being unemployed ain’t easy sugar. I stay here alone all day browsing the tv, it’s taking a toll on me mentally. The least you can do is try and cheer me up a little but you’re always so tired when you come home!”

“Well, Quentin, if I didn’t have to pick up all those extra shifts to be able to pay the bills every month, then I wouldn’t be so tired. But if I don’t do that we’d be out in the street! Just go apologize to Tony, he might give you your job back!”

“Don’t you dare even mention that son of a bitch. He’s the one who should apologize to me! He took me for granted. I gave his construction company the best years of my life. I even quit my dreams for that asshole and this is how he pays me? Hell no! I’m not going back there ever”. I’ve never seen his face so red with anger before, it was a mistake mentioning Tony Stark, he simply hates the man. I’ll just manage things myself, like I’ve been doing, I guess.

“Okay then, but don’t expect me to come home to you all giddy and excited, when I work my ass off while you watch football all day and drink beer all night with god knows who. Whatever differences you two had at work ain’t my fault, Quentin. I’m gonna go to bed now, I don’t wanna keep fighting with you”. I’ll sleep on the couch tonight, I can’t even stand to be in the same room as him.

-

It’s been four weeks since my first visit to the doctor and my next appointment’s this evening after work. Wanda really hit it off with Steve and since that day, they’ve been on several more dates. He even comes to the diner once or twice a week and he’s the perfect gentleman to her, both me and Nat are really happy for them. Right now he’s stuffing his mouth with my famous Spaghetti pie while listening to Wanda talk about the differences between disinfectant and bleach.

Nat’s acting strange though. I don’t know what’s up with her but she hasn’t been late to work this whole past month! Sometimes she’s even earlier than me, already helping Sam in the kitchen. Those two don’t seem to hate each other that much anymore, which is odd but appreciated.

-

Maria’s reception desk has sugarless lollipops in a vase and they look disgusting but I’ve been craving them since the last time I was here. This is my second appointment. I know the basics. I’ve met my doctor and nurse now. Then why does this feel like it’s the first time I’m here all over again? I even shaved my legs this morning and wore my hair down, but why? I open the camera app on my phone to use as a mirror. Is my face too plain? Should I have put some lipstick on? Jesus, it’s just a doctor’s appointment. I can’t help but hear Nat’s voice in my head say “yeah, but he’s a really cute doctor”.

“Doctor Barnes will see you now, Mrs. Beck, you know the drill. The robe’s in the chair”. Maria breaks me out of my trance and I follow her, change and wait for him.

“Hi, Y/N, it’s good to see you back, how have you been feeling?” He has a little more stubble on his face today. Good for him. Gives him an edge.

“Not too shabby. I still get morning sickness, thank god it only happens when I’m at work and not home, heh”.

“Oh, most women would want it to be the other way around”.

“Right. Um, Doctor Barnes?”

“Please call me Bucky, what is it?” He types on his computer and I bite my nails before asking.

“When do you think I’ll start showing?”

“Well, you’re only 6 weeks along, so maybe not for another three months or so. But in my opinion, women look beautiful when they show, motherhood really brings-” And here he goes. Nope. No more talk about that.

“Yeah, yeah, sure. I just, I haven’t told a lot of people and I’m not sure I want to yet. That’s all”.

“Okay, well, let’s check that tiny baby of yours, hop onto the table please”.

I do as he says and he smears some cold gel on my still normal belly, and then starts moving the scanner around.

“There’s the little peanut! You ready to listen to their heartbeat?” Bucky smiles at me softly and I nod.

I find myself feeling excited for the first time. And then I hear it. Steady and strong. And doctor Barnes disappears from my mind. For an instant I just hear that sound and I can’t wait to hold this baby in my arms. Everything feels connected and right.

“I’ll print you some pictures to keep and I made a recording of the heartbeat so you can have it too”.

“Thank you, I have another question though”.

“Shoot!”

“Did you like the pie?”

He’s blushing again. The rosy tone in his cheeks makes the blue of his eyes even brighter.

“Did I like- Oh my god! I can’t even begin to tell you how much I LOVED that pie! It only takes a taste, doesnt it?”

“What?”

“Y/N, I don’t think I’ve ever had anything as biblically good as that pie. I think I ascended into another dimension the moment I had that first taste. Did you really make it? Cause if you didn’t I need to know the store so I can get some more, now be honest!”

Wow. No one’s ever described my pies with such enthusiasm. I know they’re good but biblically good?

“I really made it”. I smile and tuck my hair behind my ear. Goodness, I’m the one who’s blushing now, but he is complimenting my work! 

“That’s amazing! You know you could win contests with those skills? I am not lying when I say I was transported to heaven”. I’ve never seen a man be so adorably excited over pie. It’s my new favorite thing.

“You know, I can bring you some more if you want? That is if you don’t mind eating more sugar, but don’t worry, I won’t tell your doctor”. His lopsided smile made my insides do a funny thing I hadn’t felt in a long time. This needs to stop.

“Ha, that’s funny. My doctor is my wife, she’s a dietician actually. But we’re getting a divorce, so maybe I’m divorcing the diet as well.”

And I made things awkward.

“I’m sorry”.

“It’s okay, hey, your pies are worth the few extra pounds”.

Sure, act like you don’t know how attractive you are.

“Well doctor, I’m glad you liked my pie. I gotta go now”.

“Oh, great, well um, here’s the recording and pictures. Tell Maria I’ll see you in three weeks. Have a nice weekend, Y/N. And please, call me Bucky”.

“Thank you, Bucky. Goodbye”.

 Something shifts when I say his name and he smiles in a way that makes his eyes light up. He opens the door for me and my stomach does a funny thing when I get a whiff of his scent again, it makes me want to stay there and smell it one more time just to keep it in my mind for later. Those pregnancy hormones must be all over the place.

-

chapter 5: you will still be mine

pls reblog if you liked it c:

[arthurflecksgirl]

Imagine giving Arthur a clown soft toy🥺

Plushie clowns and happy tears 

was a Headcanon I wrote a while back. It was one of my first I think.

I`ll copy it in here:

* When Arthur was still a little boy he had no toys at all. Penny didnt have much money and she wouldnt try to get him at least even one single toy. He knew that toys existed, though. He saw other kids on tv playing with teddy bears and plastic cars. Little Artie always looked at them with a heavy heart. He wished so much for  just one toy.

*When he would ask Penny if he could have one, she would always say that she is poor and can`t afford such unnecessary stuff. That he didnt needed toys anyway, because he was already such a happy boy.

*Arthur wasnt happy. And watching the kids in the movies playing in their bedrooms made him even sadder. He didnt had his ow bedroom eighter. He slept on a matress in the corner of the living room, right beside the radiator. He always thought it would help him a lot to have something to cuddle with while lying there. Stuffed animals were his faves. No one ever hugged him, so at least he would have something to hug and cling on.

* Sometimes he wished for a present from his mum on his birthday.  But it never happened. No one ever mentioned his birthday. Some years he even forgot his birthday himself. It was like it doesnt even existed. It was like HE doesnt even existed. He just wished Pennys boyfriend also thought he didnt existed. But he did.

*One day, when he got hurt by Pennys partner again, little Artie would run away from home. Running down the streets in Gotham city. He didnt knew where to go to. He wished he had a friend, but he was all alone in the world.He thought that  If he had a friend right now, he could go there and maybe he or she would have some toys to play with together. Maybe even a teddy bear.

*Gotham was a very ignorant city. They didnt even noticed the little kid running around without his parents. Arthur sat down on a bench. He wanted to cry but he couldn`t.  He felt the urge to cry so many times, but it was difficult for him to make the tears come. So it was just a feeling of being chocked. No one could see how he felt inside. That he was getting short of air.

* After the air came back again he would walk down the streets and find a junk market. He saw one of those markets before when Penny neeeded a new jacket. It was people seeling their old stuff for a cheap prize. Arthur walked through the pretty crowded place. Many clothes and books. Sometimes he watched people buying stuff and looked at the differents things with curiousity. But he never dared to touch or ask for something.

*After fiveteen minutes of pushing himself through the crowds he would see the most colorful tables of them all. It had stuffed animals, plastic cars, puzzles, games and other  toys all over. Arties couldnt belive his eyes. It was so beautiful. He made a stop right there, staring at the teddy bears.

*The old woman sitting behind the table looked at him and asked him if he lost his parents. He didnt answered. All his attention was focused on green hair sticking out between the different teddy bears. It chatched his attention right away.

*“I see you are looking at something?” the woman asked. Arthur pointed at it “Does that one teddy bear have green hair?”. The lady smiled “Oh no, thats not a bear.” Her hand was reaching out for it and she pulled out a small plushy clown with yellow vest over  a checkered jacket. Arthur loved the huge, curly, green hair and his painted face.

*The old lady showed him the plushy “He`s got one big, smile,huh? He was always my fave but I am getting old. I dont need him anymore.”

*Arthur kept in staring at the small clown. There was something about this toy that made him feel less sad when he was looking at it. The woman asked him one more time if he was all alone here. And Arthur told her that he ran away from home, which alarmed the woman right away. She told him that he cannot walk around Gotham all alone. That its a dangerous city for a small kid like him.

*The old lady touched the hair of the plushy clown. “Would you promise me to go back home if I give you Mr. Clown?”. Arthur nodded sadly “But I dont have any money”. “Thats okay, little boy. Just please go back to your parants,okay?” Arthur nodded one more time as she handed him the clown.

*He felt something that must have been joy when he held the clown in his hands. He touched the fabric of the clowns clothes and looked at his big smile. He looked up to the seller “My mum always tells me that I should put on a happy face”.

*“See?” the lady said “I am sure your mum is already worried about you. Hurry up!” And as litte Artie said thank you for the present and turned around to leave the place, the old lady ran after him and told him “Hey, little boy, just to let you know. His name is carnival”.

*30 years later

*Arthur was having nightmares again. He woke you up in the middle of the night, just like you told him he should if the nightmares wouldnt leave him alone. And it would happen a lot.

*You told him that its okay and turned on the lights. He was covered in sweat, his brown culs hanging heavy upon his forehead, dark bags under his eyes. He was even having trouble breathing a bit.

*You wrapped his arms around him tight as he was kneeing on the bed. Usually there were no words needed. Hugging him was enough. He just needed human connection. Something he never experienced in his childhood.

* He told you that it was memories of his childhood again. He wasnt sure which part of his nightmares were based on true memories and which ones were just stuff his mind made up while sleeping. He always had this one dream about his only toy being taken away from him. A small, plushy clown he found at a junk marked after running away from home. He didnt even remembered who it was that took th plushy away from him, but the pain of losing his one and only toy was unbearable for little kid Artie. It wouldnt even leave him alone 30 years later.

*After you managed to calm him down , he would crawl back under the sheets again, pressing the pillow against his face to build a shelter.

*The next few days you thought about his memories a lot and wondered how you could help him with that. You might not be able to change the memories but maybe there was a way to comfort him. And suddenly soemthing came to your mind. What if YOU would make him his own clown plushy all by yourself? He told you so many times how his old one looked like and you were really good in  knitting. So maybe you should give it a try?

*You started to knit a small clown the next day. You had everything you needed for it. There was just some meterial missing that you needed for his clothes,so you bought some fabric to make sure it would look like the plushy he discribed. It took you some days and you were hiding your work in the wardrobe between your sweaters to make sure he wouldnt find it before its finished.

*You were really excited about the thought that you might make him happy with the clown plushy. Knitting it for him made you happy,too. You put all your love in it. Thinking about kid Artie always made you sad but now he wasnt alone anymore. He wouldnt be alone ever again. You loved him with all your heart and you would never leave him alone ever again. He knew that.

*As the clown was finished you looked at it and felt satisfied with the result. His smile was big and bright red. You even managed to make the green hair look real puffy and curly. The jacket looked a bit big on him but you thought this would be just right.

*Early in the morning after you made some coffee, when Arthur was still asleep you tip toed back to the bed and placed the plushy right beside his pillow, so he would see him right after he wakes.

*You sat beside him on the bed, sipping your coffe, reading a book and twenty minutes later he started moving, mumbling something you couldnt understand, before he opened his sleepy eyes.

*You touched his messy bed hair “Hey, my love. Good morning”. Arthur immediately saw that there was something lying beside his head. He asked you what it is and reached out for it.

*You could never forget his face when he saw what it was. He wanted to ask you where it came from right away, but he couldnt say anything. He just looked at the small clown. And at you. And back at the plushy. His eyes watering, tears of happiness running down his cheeks, as he pressed the plushy close to his naked chest.

*You crawled up to him, laying your loving arms around his fragile shoulders “I hope it just looks like the clown from your childhood, Artie. I knitted this one for you myself. I thought you need your little friend again”.

*Arthur pressed the clown even closer to him, he was crying so hard. “I don`t know what to say” he whimpered. “This makes me so happy. YOU make me so happy. I don`t deserve it.” He smiled between the tears “Look at his big SMILE!”. He gave you a sloppy kiss on the lips. His face wet from crying.

* You kissed his salty tears away. One by one. A taste of his happiness. The happiness he deserved so much.

*Arthur took a close look to every detail of the plushy. “He is holding a sign with his name on it!” he said.

*Yes Artie, he does. Remember you told me the name of your childhood plushy? I didnt forgot.

*Arthur`s smile grew even wider than the clown`s smile. His eyes lighted up as a single tear fell on the plushy´s sign which said “MY NAME IS CARNIVAL”.

------

So yeah....

Oh my god, Arthur would be the cutest when receiving a clown soft toy or a plushie. He would be so moved. Artie is a little boy at heart and he deserves to get all the things he never got when he was a kid.

He would be in tears. Happy tears. I often imagined this. I think he would hug it all night long when you wouldnt be home.

I would definitely give him one!

[ohsofoxyclocks]

‪So, I have many thoughts about the finale ending that I haven’t even sorted out my feelings about yet BUT posts on here have helped me see the positives in the ending...Yes I’m still bothered by some of the beach conversation and the TIMING of Steve’s temporary leave and the fact of what we see last on the screen despite knowing Steve will of course return, but I’m going to put that aside to focus on OMG WE JUST GOT AN ALMOST WHOLE EPISODE STRAIGHT FROM A FANFIC THAT I ABSOLUTELY LOVED. I know much of this has been discussed so I apologize if it’s repetitive, but a bunch of my favorite McDanno fanfiction tropes just actually happened in canon and I just...still can’t believe we actually got all of it? So I wanted to make my own list, and feel free to add on or expand or share your thoughts about any of these!! Let’s take stock (warning, this is long!): ‬

‪-Danny calling Steve in distress, Steve immediately leaving his important cipher mystery meeting to get to him. Can already see Steve starting to freak out before the gunshots ring out when he looks out the window and stutters. ‬

‪-Gunshots ringing out OVER THE LINE, and Steve very obviously starting to panic. Drives like a maniac (still confused on how going INTO oncoming traffic was supposed to help but I digress). Steve yelling Danny’s name repeatedly desperate to hear his voice‬

‪-arriving at a burning camaro, screaming Danny’s name (fun tip: play this bit in slow motion!), and STICKING HIS ARM IN A BURNING CAR/catching himself on fire when he thinks Danny could be inside‬

‪-You can hear the creeping desperation/emotion in Steve’s voice as he’s giving orders to HPD (“Detective Danny Williams-MY PARTNER-you know who he is”)‬

-Steve actually mobilizing the whole island to find his Danno. (Again, something I never really expected to see outside of a fanfic). “I want every person on this island with a badge looking for Danny Williams”‬

-Steve’s face when he walks into HQ with Cole and the tears in his eyes when Tani is showing him the kidnapping footage ‬

‪-Just the whole “An enemy of Steve’s uses Danny to get to him”!!!! I always wanted it but never expected it so explicitly ‬

‪-“I HAVE THE PERSON YOU CARE ABOUT MOST IN THE WORLD.” GUYS—IT DOESNT MATTER WHATEVER ELSE HAPPENS BECAUSE THIS IS CANON BABY. We knew it, everybody knows it, but now it’s confirmed. When rewatching the series, remember this<3 also part of me is like, will all the other criminals hear about this and try to do the same when Steve comes back since Steve put up no fight in giving in to Dayui Mei’s demands? Isthiswhyheleftsoquickly‬.

-video footage of Danny strung up and bloodied...fanfic come to life. Steve’s face when he sees this....‬

‪-Steve looking like he’s gonna simultaneously collapse, panic, and murder someone when Dayiu Mei is asking him what he will do‬

‪-Steve not hesitating to give into Mrs. Wo Fat’s demands bc any risk is too risky when Danno is involved‬

‪-The team trying to get Steve to give a flying fart about the cipher when Danny’s life is on the line and Steve still not giving a flying fart. ‬

-Steve finding Danny lying helpless on the floor. His whispered “Danny” when he first sees him (you have to listen close for this because the dramatic background music is super loud at this point).‬

‪-His little stream of soft, comforting reassurances as he’s getting Danno to the car. Danny holding onto him‬

‪-CRADLING BLOODIED, STRUGGLING TO-BREATHE-DANNO TO HIS CHEST IN HIS ARMS. My mom, who doesn’t ship McDanno romantically but loves their friendship, when this happened: “whoa! That’s a little much (gay), don’t you think?” Hehe, no, it’s perfect. ‬

-More tears from Steve as he’s holding Danny on the way to the hospital.‬

-Steve’s comforting reassurances and refusing to let go of Danny on the gurney until he’s absolutely forced to. DANNY REACHING FOR HIM, Steve’s reassuring pat. Steve’s face as he looks down at him fearing how dire this is.‬

‪-Steve’s face as he collapses against the wall when they roll Danny through the double doors, closing his eyes, trying to calm his breathing as he tries to avoid thinking about the unthinkable.‬

-STEVE BARGAINING WITH GOD FOR DANNY’S LIFE. After not seeing him pray before I don’t think? His face...that emotion...omg. He very obviously can’t imagine living in a world without Danny in it, and would rather die than do so. ‬

-Side note: Imo, Steve seemed closed off to the team—physically and emotionally—when he wasn’t sure Danny would make it. Almost as if we got a glimpse of the Steve he’d be without his Danno, if that makes sense. Notice how he’s turned away from them in the waiting room/chapel, how he didn’t even look at them when Danny was wheeled away through the double doors. How he didn’t give an eff about the cipher they were trying to get him to care about. Not that he doesn’t have beautiful Ohana bonds with the other team members because of course he does, but...it’s just different with Danny and I don’t know how he would’ve made it through this one, especially considering his already struggling state at the time. I think we kind of saw a glimpse of that, is my point. They both helped each other grow since first meeting, and it was almost like that part Danny helped bring out in Steve went away with Danny when Steve thought he might lose him. If that makes sense? More on this later? ‪

‪-Steve holding unconscious Danny’s hand❤️❤️❤️ Closing his eyes and letting out a deep breath right after taking his hand (anyone want to gif this moment? ;) )-side camera view of this moment so was hard to see but it’s there. Seeming to look at the machines for reassurances that Danny is alive, healthy. Scanning him over and likely feeling guilty for the marks on his body. Holding his head in his hands by Danny’s bedside.‬

‪-the whole conversation when Danny wakes up! Danny, probably a little doped up, all sweet and reassuring and cuddly and funny. “Why’d you stop holding my hand?” and Steve immediately taking his hand back and rubbing his forearm I think (this was out of the camera angle tho so idk for sure). Steve’s voice tinged with so much emotion when he says “Buddy.” And, Steve being emotionally vulnerable/open again bc his Danno is back!! This whole scene I just fhdisksml. ‬

‪-Steve’s smiling and squeezing and wrapping his arms around Danno like an octopus when he hugs him (I wish we had some additional slightly different camera angles of this hug-as was shown in the promo for example-but I digress again). Danny closing his eyes for a moment, seeming to savor it. Steve getting Danny to look him in the eyes to tell him he loves him. To me, this scene had a very “see you again soon” rather than “goodbye” vibe even though I wish there were parts of the dialogue that were different. ‬

‪-Steve slowing down, looking unsure, and turning back to look at Danny before he leaves. Anyone wanna analyze this? Maybe just a “I know I need to do this so I can come back and be the person I need to be for both of us but fuqqit imma miss you while I’m gone” or “I need to leave so no one can use/hurt him to get to me again right now.” Or just “hey maybe this isn’t the most genius plan.” Idk, but I would LOVE to hear Scott and Alex’s take on this scene. Also they filmed this scene before the show was ended by CBS so who knows how that factored into it. If they thought there would be a possible reunion later?

‪-Telling Eddie to look after Danno, which definitely means Danny will be keeping his house/bed warm til his hubby returns.‬

‪-fleeting thought I have that I might expore later: possible acting choices in the difference in hand holding/smiles between with Danny vs. Catherine?Notthepointofthispostthosoweskipfornow‬

‪-I might post thoughts on other things later but I mainly just wanted to compile this list of straight-out-of-fanfic moments that 100% confirms Danny IS the most important person in Steve’s life and OF COURSE he will return and text/call him everyday til then. Regardless of the end, which is really so open that we can do so many beautiful things with now, most of the episode served as a beautiful culmination of what Steve and Danny have come to mean to each other throughout the last 10 years, and we can rest peaceful and happy in that. ❤️‬ (this is also me still trying to convince myself to be okay with the way things were left on the beach/the conversation, etc)

I would love to hear y’all’s thoughts about any of this!!‬ if you made it this far—I apologize again for the length but lovey boys call for lovey rambles

[nico-idc]

random vent because i'm numb rn and feel like it

This is a vent post, ill probably talk about su!cide, self h*rm, eating disorders and depression. I’ll also cuss a lot, and things will not be censored. Also, this may seem insensitive to people experiencing any of this, sorry about that.  Dont read this if youre triggered by that.

Also, this is my experience with mental health. Everyone deals with it differently. 

So, If anyone doesnt know, I have depression and anxiety. And right now, I’m feeling numb as it’s often described by people with depression. But, numb isn’t a very good description. I can still feel. I’ll still smile if you tell me a joke, or if something funny is on a video. I’ll still cry if there’s something super sad. Emotion is just watered down. I feel it, but not as much as I should. Me and my boyfriend were talking, and i couldnt tell him I loved him. It’s not becuase I dont love him, but I just cant feel much of anything, so I dont want to tell him I loved him. Becuase If i did that, I felt as though I was lying. The funniest thing is, I randomly started crying. Still felt nothing, but hey, I had tears streaming down my face. Who fucking knows why. 

I havent been doing to great for a while now, but this is the worst i’ve ever gotten. Ive never felt numb before. I mean, I’ve felt myself starting to go through the motions, but i’ve never gone completely numb before. And before this i’ve had a few mental breakdowns. Hell, I’ve sat in a corner twice in the past month or so doing nothing but sobbing and begging myself not to move so I dont grab something sharp and cut myself. (I did not relapse, don’t worry). and recently I completely broke down over simply eating a cereal bar, got through it, ate it. I’m good now. 

Figures. That does seem to be my experience. Oh no, big bad issue one time, then magically I just talk myself out of my bullshit, and im fixed. Ha ha, yet I act like I have all these issues. I mean, I didnt even attempt to starve myself, just thought “oh, friends and family wont let me” and didnt. Had a breakdown about a year later, been fine since. Cut for a few months, went to therapy for a few months, stopped cutting. had a few breakdowns about a year or two later, then was fine. was suicidal for a while, went to therapy for a bit, was happy for months. Had breakdowns every now and then, fine now.

ha ha, first time I say alot of this is online. Figures. I’ve done that a lot too. My boyfriend has found out a bit about my depression through this site. Becuase I cant talk to my boyfriend about my shit, but hey random people on the internet! hear about my problems.

So on another note, I recently found a song that describes part of depression pretty well. It’s called “i’m not dead” by boyinaband. it’s linked below, I’ll copy paste the lyrics, and explain how I relate, and what the lyrics mean to me, becuase why not? (lyrics will be in bold)

I'm not dead

I'm not fixed, but I'm not giving up yet

Basically, this means that im still here, im still depressed, but I’m still trying to fight depression. 

I'm sick of saying that I still don't have anything done

I hate telling friends I'm trying something just to give it up

I never commit to anything, I just say I’ll do something, then decide I dont want to.

I'm still unsure of my emotional state

I'm still incapable of focusing lately

I don't feel like creating

I'm tired of asking Google how to find motivation

I’ve been on break from writing for months now. tried to get back to it, lost concentration. I think this is self explanatory. 

I don't think I've ever made

Something that's as good as I'm capable of

Ha, I dont put in enough effort and commitment to make something as good as possible.

I hate not having a reason to look my best

I only ever take care of myself with the intent to show the internet

I mean, I dont try to show the internet, but I only take care of myself when other people will see me.

If what made me successful was an imposed sense of stress then

I am so so glad that I hated myself

The only thing that makes me do things is extreme stress.

I didn't luck into this position

I struggle with decisions

I mean, im not in any high position, but I do struggle with decisions. 

I wouldn't be my own friend

I'm too inconsistent

I’m inconsistent as hell. I’m in like 10 group chats, don't talk in any of them for months, then just show up like “hi, havent talked to you all in ages, but hi”. 

Without immense pressure nothing ever gets finished

If these words make it to your ears it'll be a fucking miracle.

Yep. I went on  whole rant about this on wattpad. Without pressure to do something, I don’t do it.

I'm fortunate to know more good people than most do

I wish I had more friends I could be physically close to

I dont personally have a lot of friends that dont live in my city, so the last line isnt an issue, but I do know a lot of good people”

I'm pretty good at like 20 different skill sets

At the expense of never being great at any one of them

I’m good at quite a few things. Drawing, math, even writing. But im not great at it. I’m average.

I wish this beat hit harder

I wish more syllables rhymed

I know 99 percent of people really don't mind

I dont personally relate to this, seeing as I dont make music.

I think collaborating forced me to finish things

'Cause I was terrified of wasting famous people's time

Oh yeah. Group projects would not get done if i wasnt scared of wasting my partner’s time.

I wish I could focus on what I define priority

I wish I was as grateful as I want to be

Dont really relate to these things

I wish I knew more people who were mentally stable

But if I did,

I wouldn't let them waste their time on me while I'm disabled

Oh yeah. Id love to have a friend who isnt depressed, but I wouldnt let them see that im fucked up becuase i dont wanna drag them down.

I feel alone

I know I'm not

I have a lot of friends, but I still fell alone in this world

I used to talk to lots of people.

Lately I've stopped

They didn't deserve it,

I've been a terrible friend.

But I couldn't bear to let myself become boring to them

I ignore group chats all the time. no reason. Probably shouldnt. 

I don't let myself get my hopes up.

I love people who do.

Something good happens? what could go wrong? that is my thought precess.

I never know if what I say I feel is the truth

I have no damn Idea what I think, so its so hard to know what the truth in my head is.

I wish I didn't instinctively try to be less specific

So more people could relate, when they read along with the lyrics.

Not lyrics, but if i write/explain something, I immediately generalize things so its relateable.

I can be happy in the moment

I am not when I reflect

I smile watching youtube, but then I look back and think about how I wasted time.

I distract myself with gaming, waiting to get better

I hate it

Youtube will cure depression right? /s

I wanna do the most good, and prevent the most hurt

But I've gotta put on my own oxygen mask first

This is just an important phrase I try to remember when I’m down. for people who dont do well with metaphors, he’s saying that if you want to help people, you need to help yourself first. 

I can't predict what I'll do.

I can never be sure

I am terrified of making promises any more

I can't face my work,

I feel sick from the word

I genuinely believe I'm capable of changing the world

Don’t relate much here, except for the more positive, upbeat tone the song takes on, and i feel that this part, the part above and everything below is dave fighting his depression.

I still think I can get better

I’m holding onto hope.

I still think I can create and get pleasure from it

I hope so, I want my art and writing to improve.

I'll keep aiming to make my emotion and my logic agree

The eternal stuggle. I always try to get the two to line up, it rarely works. I try to use logic more often though.

And become the best version of me

Always trying to improve myself.

I don't want to stop!

I don't want to stop!

I don't want to stop!

I don't want to stop!

There’s alot this could mean. I dont want to stop creating. I dont want to stop fighting. I dont want to stop getting better. I dont want to stop living. I relate to all these things.

I’ll expand on this more later, it’s too late now for me to continue this

[song-fox]

"You're A Dork."

.

Roman's P.O.V.

This is it, I thought gleefully to myself. I'm finally gonna know my soulmate's first words to me!

Well, at least for after I get my soulmark.

I closed my eyes excitedly as everyone began the countdown to midnight. It was my sixteenth birthday, and it was tradition for everyone to stay up until 12 o'clock for when the words appeared on the person's wrist. After years of daydreaming and wondering, I was finally about to find out what they would say to me. But even still, I had so many questions. What would he look like? How would he act? Would I already know him, or would it be a complete stranger? Would he like Disney as much as me? Would he even be a he? I desperately hoped so, otherwise all those years of denial and coming out would have been pretty useless.

"Three..."

I took in a couple of breaths, balancing on the balls of my feet.

"Two..."

I tugged at my sleeve. What would my wrist say?

"One...!"

I immediately opened my eyes and pulled down the sleeve of my red hoodie, revealing the black letters that stood out against my pale skin. My eyes scanned over them frantically.

You're a dork.

I almost laughed out loud at that. It certainly wasn't what I was expecting, but it wasn't exactly an unpleasant surprise, either.

"Ooh! What'd you get?" Patton asked, bouncing around and looking just as excited as I was, if not more. Right. He couldn't see the writing on my arm. No one could. Soulmates are supposed to be personal and should be your own choice to pursue them, so nobody can ever see the writing on someone's wrist.

Unlike me, Patton had already found his soulmate, on the same day as his birthday, in fact. Of course it had been Logan, our mutual friend who seemed to have been dropping incredibly obvious hints that he was crushing on the boy, at least by Logan's standards.

I grinned at them both. "It says You're a dork."

Logan snorted. "Fitting," he remarked, earning an elbow from me.

Patton, however, seemed ecstatic. "Aw! That's really cute!"

I put down my arm, still smiling. "Yeah, it is."

*****************

Over the next few days, I was waaayyyy too confident on finding my soulmate soon, if not right away. If Patton could do it, why not me?

"'Sup, dork!" a kid yelled out one morning on the bus. We were on our way to school, so he could have been talking to anyone, but still I pulled down my sleeves and quickly read over the words.

No match. It was probably for the best, anyway. The guy was straight, and also kind of a jerk. He wasn't even talking to me, either.

Oh well. Maybe next time.

Months later. I walked into the local bookstore, looking over the list that Patton had given me. Logan's birthday was coming up, and Patton had suggested gifting him some books and gave me a list of specific ones. Patton himself was making Logan a scarf, since it was nearly winter and the nerd got cold easily.

I walked over to the checkout counter a few minutes later with a stack of books in my arms. I placed them in front of the cashier, surprised at their weight. Those books were heavy.

The cashier hummed as he grabbed the books and scanned them, reading over their titles.

"Encyclopedia, A Brief History of Time, The Murder of Roger Ackroyd... wow, you're a nerd," he teased. I paused, then quickly glanced at my upturned wrist whilst the cashier bagged the books. No match.

Of course.

"Oh, uh, they're just for my friend. But he is a nerd. I'll tell him that you acknowledged it too," I remarked. The guy smiled, handing over the books.

"Have a nice day."

A few more months passed. I tried hard to forget that I had a soulmate and to stop constantly checking my wrist every time someone said anything similar to my soulmark. It worked, for the most part. I spent most of my time at school, anyway, and the rest of my days were mainly hanging out or talking to Logan and Patton.

I also spent a lot of my time drawing and painting, although that didn't really have much to do with the whole soulmate thing. I just really enjoyed it. I even posted a lot of it online, along with some picture of my friends and I just hanging out and goofing around.

One day while I was drawing, I heard a faint vibration from my phone, signalling a notification. I dropped my pencil and grabbed it, scrolling through all the random notifications from weird group chats until I found one from a comment on one of the pictures I had posted.

I tapped on it. The picture was one that Logan had taken, with him looking disappointedly into the camera whilst Patton and I goofed off in the background.

I kept scrolling until I found the comment.

PurpleDinosaur123: Lmao youre such a dork

For a second I felt my heart stop, and I scrambled to look at my wrist.

No match.

I sighed, instead opting to type out a reply.

Royal_arts: Lol thanks for noticing, I really do try

I put my phone on silent and tucked it away.

Almost a full year had passed since my sixteenth birthday, and although it was irrational, I was starting to lose hope. I know, it was dumb to expect a soulmate in just one year, but still. I couldn't really force myself to feel any different.

I pulled out my phone and texted to a group chat with Logan and Patton.

Me: i'm sad :(((((

DadPat: Is this about me eating the last cupcake?? if so I'm sorry <333

Me: wait you ate my last cupcake

Me: nvm it doesnt matter,, i'm just being angsty over the whole soulmate thing

DadPat: Aww, chin up kiddo, you'll meet him someday

Nerd: It's true. My parents didn't even meet until they were nearly thirty

Me: but what if i never meet him :(((

DadPat: Of course you will!! you're destined to, remember? it's basically set in stone :)

Nerd: Well, actually

Me: stfu logan i'm trying to cheer up here

Nerd: Right. My apologies

Me: s'cool

DadPat: Ah well, just get some sleep kiddo, maybe you'll feel better in the morning. love ya!! gnight!

Nerd: Indeed, perhaps some rest will benefit you. Goodnight

Me: goodnight ya nerd, ily2 patt

With that, I turned off my phone and let sleep overtake me.

I haven't seen him in a while, and it's a pleasure to see him again.

"Do you think I'll ever meet my soulmate?" I ask, staring into the dark, nightmarish atmosphere. He sits with me too, a warm and comforting presence beside me. He laughs and shakes his head, although it isn't a negative sign.

"You're a dork."

I tilt my head. "What do you mean?"

"Roman, you're a brilliant and amazing and creative person. Don't doubt yourself. Anyone would be lucky to have you."

I mull it over, before pausing. "Wait, what did you say?"

"I said that anyone would be lucky to have you."

I shake my head frantically. "No, no before that!"

"I said 'You're a dork'."

I feel like my breathing has stopped for a second. I stand up, backing away.

"No, no, no," I say breathlessly, running a hand through my hair. I nearly trip over my own feet.

"What? You don't want me?"

"No, I- I, but.." I'm stumbling over my words. Tears are threatening to spill out.

"Not you... not you... please, not you," I plead to deaf ears. The threat is now a battle with my emotions. My cheeks are wet with bitter tears and I'm gulping back breaths.

"Please..."

I jolted awake, my mouth ajar and sucking in precious oxygen. My eyes stung with fresh tears.

I grabbed my phone off the table and texted the group chat again.

Me: hey patt?? i'm gonna need a ride later

DadPat: Oh? what for?

DadPat: Are you meeting someone??

Me: kind of

DadPat: ??  ',:/

Me: i need to have breakfast, i'll just text you the location later, k?

DadPat: Okie kiddo, I'll pick you up at noon <33

Me: thx, ly

As he said, Patton was waiting outside my house by lunchtime. I stood anxiously outside my house, holding tightly onto a bouquet of flowers. Hydrangeas, hyacinths and lilacs, all varying shades of purple.

Patton waved me over, and I noticed Logan was sitting with him in the front seat.

"Hey, kiddo! I hope you don't mind that Logan came along; he saw your texts and wanted to make sure you were okay." Logan waved awkwardly at me.

I sniffed and wiped my eyes. "Thanks. It means a lot."

Logan tilted his head. "Roman, are you okay? You seem upset."

I let out a deep breath. "I met him."

They both perked up at this.

"Wait, really? Roman, that's amazing! Who is he?" Patton piped up, eyes glimmering excitedly. I kept silent and simply looked at him, watching his misty blue eyes scanning my face.

Logan realized it first. He stifled a gasp and his eyes widened, before softening sympathetically. Then it clicked for Patton. He gasped, and his hands flew to his mouth.

"Oh my gosh, Roman, I'm so sorry, that must be terrible," he rambled, his eyes shiny with unshed tears.

Logan nodded, then gestured to the flowers. "Are those...?"

"Yeah," I muttered simply. Logan stayed quiet, knowing better than to press on.

The ride was agonising. Patton had tried putting on some Disney songs, but I insisted no music. The day was beautiful, otherwise; the sunlight glinted on the morning dew of the bright, crisp grass. The trees were lush and full of life, and daisies poked out of the masses of summer foliage.

We arrived after twenty minutes of almost complete silence. The only time it was broken was whenever Patton tried to crack a joke, or when he saw a sign that said ROAD WORK AHEAD and muttered, "Yeah, I sure hope it does," under his breath.

I got out of the car, the gentle breeze stinging my watery eyes. I gripped the bouquet with both hands, as if I were scared that it might have disappeared or suddenly died.

Just like he did.

"Would you like us to accompany you?" Logan asked tentatively. I shook my head slowly, my gaze trained on the ground.

"No, I-I'd like to be alone with him. You can join me later."

Logan nodded and stepped back to join Patton.

Walking through the maze of stone slabs was painful, as it always had been. Even the grass that had been bright and lively just a few minutes before seemed limp and dull.

I kept walking, each step slower than the other, but I kept going. I needed this. I needed to see him again.

I kneeled down in front of the grey stone slab in the ground. Letters were etched neatly into the grave, chipped away with time but still legible.

Here lies Virgil Emory

2004 ~ 2019

Gone, but not forgotten.

I took one more look at the writing on my wrist. The familiar curving lines and dark ink contrasting against my skin.

You're a dork.

I placed down the bouquet, a faint smile on my lips.

"So," I said, choking back a sob. "You're my soulmate."

[nobodyfamousposts]

afters months of bullying Marinette, the class(minus Lila)finds out shes Ladybug and they're confused bc Lila said they were BFFs so why would she be so mean to Lila? then they connect the dots and "oh shit we fucked up". They dont tell anyone about it. Mari is confused and suspicious at their sudden change of hearts. Chat starts to visit her bc he knows she doesnt trusts Adrien after he sided with Lila. She's wary of Chat too bc at their last encounter he was very rude to her bc of Lila's lies

I don’t know if this is quite what you were going for, but this is what came to mind.

“Hey, Mari! How’s it going?” Chat Noir asked, nervously from his unwelcome position on her balcony after he showed up uninvited.

Marinette didn’t look happy to see him. He could see she was raising her guard, like she expected him to start yelling at her.

With good reason, he reminded himself bitterly. The last time they had seen each other—or rather the last time she had seen him as Chat, things had not been…the most pleasant.

He had been caught up in rumors and suspicion. Sinister words and talk of secret alliances between their supposed “innocent” class rep and the madman threatening their city.

He should have known better.

He DID know better.

Adrien knew that Lila was a compulsive liar and willing to make up any story. He knew that whatever came out of her mouth had to be lies. He even had some idea that Lila had some sort of grudge against Marinette—being one of the only ones to know she was lying and to be willing to call her out on it.

And yet he still fell for them anyway. Because it was strange, wasn’t it? And Lila might have been a liar, but she did have a point. Where DID Marinette disappear to during each akuma battle? She was never where she was supposed to be. She was never where she claimed she had been. No one could ever recall seeing her during any of the fights since this mess had started.

Coincidence, sure. But with Lila’s silver tongue, those coincidences added up and began to paint a picture that he couldn’t bring himself to ignore. But he should have. Because the picture may have made some sense, but it was still Lila putting it together and he knew—he KNEW her to be a vindictive manipulator with a grudge.

To think he actually believed that Marinette Dupain-Cheng was secretly working for Hawk Moth in his plots against their heroes.

Looking back, it had been stupid.

Really. Really stupid.

Even more stupid now that he knew what he did. And not a moment went by that he wasn’t kicking himself for jumping to those conclusions—and even worse, acting on them.

He still remembered the way she looked at him when he snapped at her. His accusations—at the time powered with righteous fury, only came off as ignorant and callous now. He still remembered the way she gaped at him in shock and hurt. He remembered the way she tried to deny it. He remembered how she tried to explain herself.

He remembered the way he hadn’t cared.

Chat never knew how he appeared to her in that moment. What expression he must have had as he looked down on her and coldly told her to stay out of the way for once.

He wondered if it matched the cold stare she gave him now.

“Why are you here?”

Her detached attitude hurt more than he thought it would. But he couldn’t say he didn’t deserve it.

“I just wanted to check on you.” He said, forcing a smile. “You know, make sure you were all right after that last akuma fight.”

She raised an eyebrow, incredulously. “You mean the one that was three weeks ago?”

This time, he couldn’t hide the wince. Because yeah, it had been almost a month since that last fight. And he hadn’t considered visiting her—spying on her, sure, but not actually coming by to talk to her. He hadn’t even spared Marinette so much as a concern until just a few days ago. He could make excuses. Say he’d been busy. That he’d had homework and other things to do. But nothing had prevented him from enjoying free time and outings with his other classmates. Nothing had kept him from talking to Marinette any of those times.

The simple truth was that he hadn’t seen reason to go out of his way to worry for Marinette.

Not until one week ago when, along with several other classmates amidst their self-assured attempt to find “proof” of her guilt, he discovered that their “Everyday Ladybug” was actually “THE Ladybug”.

And suddenly, he realized too late that all of the little coincidences were pointing to a much different picture he had been too blind to see.

“I’m fine. You can go.”

He couldn’t. Because this was wrong and it was his fault.

“I don’t think you are.” He spoke up before he realized it. And he cursed his stupid mouth, but couldn’t quite bring himself to take it back because Marinette was clearly not fine.

She froze, and he fought the urge to move—though whether towards her to comfort or away from her to escape the awkwardness and guilt, he didn’t know.

“If I’m not, what does it really matter to you?”

Everything! He wanted to shout.

Because you’re my partner.

Because I love you.

Because I’m an idiot and I was wrong.

And I am so, so sorry.

So much he wanted to say.

So much he was scared to say.

Their partnership was already hanging by a thread. Her anger at him after the incident when she confronted him as Ladybug for his treatment of a ‘civilian’ had been quite clear. For once, he refused to give up, so insistent he was right.

And for once, she refused to apologize. It made sense now, given it had been herself on the receiving end of his mistreatment all this time. But at the time…

He had questioned Ladybug before. But never like that. Never did he so openly insult her judgement that way.

And now that he knew…

It was only one more thing to add to the list of ways he had seriously fucked up.

As Adrien, he promised Marinette support only to abandon her.

As Chat, he promised protection only to be the one to instigate.

As himself, he had promised to love the girl behind the mask only to turn on her in both.

Wasn’t he just pitiful?

“I just…wanted to make sure you weren’t at risk. You know…with the akumas and everything.”

She gave him a flat stare, unimpressed. “I think I’ve been doing well for myself for the past couple of months, thank you.”

“Look, I know things haven’t been…easy for you lately.” And THAT was the understatement of the year. “But—”

“No. No buts.” She cut him off. “You’re right. Things haven’t been easy. But I’ve been handling it. I’ve learned to handle it on my own.”

He winced. She didn’t say it. And she may not have intended to suggest it, but the implication was there. That it was all because he—because all of them had left her alone.

“Akumas can’t get me if I don’t give them something to target, right? So I’ve been staying positive and keeping my emotions in check.” She smiled. “You don’t have to worry about me becoming an akuma or anything.”

He clenched his fists.

She smiled like a doll and he hated it. He hated how fake it looked. He hated how it reminded him of his own false smiles as Adrien when he was trying to convince others he wasn’t upset when he was.

“You shouldn’t hide away your feelings.” He told her, honestly. “You have every right to be upset. Especially after how everyone treated you…how I treated you.”

She blinked in surprise.

“I…jumped to a lot of conclusions based on coincident and faulty evidence. I didn’t give you a chance to explain. And I should have because I know you, Marinette. In all our meetings and all our times together, I’ve only ever known you to be a genuinely good person.”

He wished he could hug her. Hold her tightly until he was sure he could use whatever he had to bring back the warmth to every part of her. To simply just hold her hand and offer her reassurance she had been sorely needing but sadly lacking all this time.

“I’m sorry, Marinette.”

I’m sorry I didn’t trust you.

I’m sorry I didn’t stand by you.

I’m sorry I left you alone.

Her blank smile faltered and her expression shifted to something sad but for the first time, genuine.

“At least you’re the first one to say it.”

It wasn’t forgiveness.

But maybe it was a start.

[ccsthemovie2]

Character-Clow Reed

(avril lavingne voice) WHYD YOU HAVE TO GO AND MAKE THINGS SO CLOWMPLICATEEEED I SEE THE WAY YOURE ACTING LIKE YOURE SOMEBODY ELSE GETS ME FRUSTRATED- ok jokes aside LETS GOOOOO 

Why I like them:

for all my angry yelling and kicking and complaining you may be surprised to learn that clow(riol) is one of my favorite parts of ccs! 

i think that having the Mystery and Legend of a long-dead wizard that hangs over sakura’s head at the start get light shed on it more and more so that we can see he’s just a person makes the world of ccs feel small and personal. it really stabilizes the heart of the series, what i love most about ccs- that it’s a story about individuals and the choices they make. the magic itself all traces back to one man and the way he felt it was right to act and to treat other people. i think he’s a fascinating character and a very very good choice of central figure.

Why I don’t:

THAT SAID, AAAAAGHHHHH HE IS HORRIBLE HE IS JUST A TERRIBLE LITTLE MAN I HATE HIM I HATE HIM SOOOO MUCH. even putting aside everything he* pulls as eriol, just the things he does as clow reed make me SO upset....LYING ABOUT HIS DEATH??? ELABORATE SETUP TO PRETEND KERO AND YUE HAVE A CHOICE IN THE MATTER OF CHOOSING THE NEW CARD MASTER BUT ACTUALLY KNOWING ALL ALONG AND HAVING A SPECIAL MAGIC ITEM MADE TO SEE THAT IT GETS DONE??? BREEZING INTO A TOWN TO STEAL A FORTUNE TELLER’S BUSINESS, GETTING HER NICE AND KATE BEATON NEMESIS.PNG’D, AND THEN IGNORING HER FOREVER??? it’s bad!! *(it’s complicated,) ive said this jokingly before but i think he just doesnt even think about other people having agency, that he’s not trampling but Guiding and Helping. i think part of his controlfreakiness is also a deep fear that he’s not enough, that he can’t keep a friend on his own merits so he’s gotta get his claws sunk in as much as possible, whether by emotionally living rent free in people’s heads or magical dependance. and that’s not a uniquely horrible belief, yknow, i think it’s very human and normal, but the problem is no one can criticize him. not with the amount of control he has over the people he surrounds himself with, the fact that he can physically shut down kero and yue any time he likes, etc. it’s not that power inherently Makes You Evil, it’s that power made it harder for people to say “hey stop that”, and if no ones telling him to stop then he must be doing fine!

Favorite episode (scene if movie):

GENUINE TIE BETWEEN THE BACK TO THE PAST EP OF THE ANIME AND THE SAKURA SEES THE TRUTH SCENE IN MANGA. i think both of them are great- the tightly controlled dreamy guided tour where she sees just what he wants her to see, AND sakura outpowering him and seeing the reality of his lies. in the manga when sakura sees him gives gentle headkisses to kero and yue before putting them to bed and eriol+fujitaka-ing i go AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ....... THEY LOVE SOMEONE WHO IS TERRIBLE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUU MY HEART. i headcanon that’s when he mind-messed with them, too, i think he had to touch them to do it and that was how.

Favorite season/movie:

bold answer but im going to say the implications left behind in the clow card arc of Why Do Cards Act Like That/Have Those Specialties. what about clow made him want to make a voice-stealing card, a small-object-moving-card, a body-swap card, etc? it’s good questions.

Favorite line:

in the mokona book when they say he said dogs dont have owners they have housemates, bc that explains SOOOOO much abt him and how he treated kero and yue lololol. if you think being a pet owner and a roomate are the same you’re gonna treat your roomates, uhhhm, bad.

also if eriol counts its him in the wonderland ep like YOU DONT KNOW IF IM NOT THE KINDA PERSON TO PRETEND TO BE A CAT and I THINK YOU AND LI ARE SO DUMB I HAVE TO BITE MY TONGUE CONSTANTLY TO NOT INSULT YOU and BUT I CANT ACT LIKE THIS OR KERO AND YUE WILL KNOW IM CLOW. so like. was clow just like that then.

Favorite outfit:

uh his regular clothes are cool. theres an illustration on him in this cool coat with like a sun pin on it too. whenever i draw him in something frilly i have a huge brain. cant deny the guy has style and aesthetics. sakura’s first staff, look at it!! the style it has!!! 

OTP: 

im neutral-positive on clowyuuko cuz i havent holic’d since high school. you can refer to the answer i gave abt yue for clowyue thoughts (tl;dr: [touches ground] “something terrible happened here” ). madoushi is just kate beaton nemesis comic. 

i think it would be funny if albus dumbledore was his ex.

Brotp 

yuuko again i guess? and him and all his creations. headcanon territory even though that’s actually the next question but you asked for my thoughts so here they are: i think of him as trying to be a sort of fun camp counselor or teacher type for kero+yue and the cards- specifically a role with an authority behind it, but without the same sort of responsibility that a parent would have. or, i guess, lacking an unconditional love, always an undertone of you having to prove yourself. someone who you go to to learn from, but if he likes can also go “no no im just like you, now let’s have fun!”. it’s hard to explain, but there’s a difference. 

what i’m trying to get at here is i think it’s significant that the only creations he has that we see him truly ‘raise’, (going by the info+lack of it we have, anyway, i fill in the blank for myself that kero and yue and the cards all showed up full of knowledge, fully formed, CLAMP DO NOT INTERACT!!!!!), were the mokonas, with yuuko. it was another person’s influence that brought a parental attitude in, it’s not something he ever wanted to be. there’s also a healthy dose of “yue textually had a crush on clow and i will not, no way, let you make that any more unfortunate than that already is”, i’ll admit, but i think that’s just a puzzle piece of the whole theory here. i think it would also be funny if he knew people like tolkein (eriol’s a tolkeinverse name if i remember correctly) and c.s. lewis (side note, i find the fact that clow is an actively practicing christian really funny), but i dont want to think too deeply about that sort of realworld mix, yknow.

Head Canon: 

i think pranks were highly encouraged in his house and none of the clow cards are being intentionally destructive, just acting in ways that were totally normal at home, and are genuinely shocked to learn that people will get seriously injured without clow there to cushion their damage.

Unpopular opinion: 

evil

A wish: 

i wanna know what his pre-story days were like, his life with the cards, his life BEFORE the cards,

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: 

^ same the above but i find it out from clamp

5 words to best describe them:

did you know? clow sucks

My nickname for them: 

clown, :kingboo: (discord emoji of him with a 🚫 over it), “the bastard jester himself” (which is, or at least was, in comedian-podcaster stephen buckleys twitter bio and i think it abt clow frequently, sorry stephen buckley), king of living rent free in people’s heads