#but he's already on the way to here so. well. ig to avoid an awkward moment where someone calls me by my name

[tkbrokkoli]

={

[stupidlittlespirit]

Ekurei hcs??

Sorry for the delay anon. Okay, here we go!

♡ - Reigen talks aloud to Ekubo all the time and is a bit blind to the weird looks he gets from passers-by, so Reigen buys a bluetooth earpiece so he can play it off like he's yapping on the phone. He does not buy airpods or whatever - the guy has a flip phone, he doesn't know what a fucking airpod is. Ekubo is flattered that he'd rather go the extra length of disguising their conversations than just avoiding it altogether.

♡ - I think when Reigen is feeling overwhelmed or is struggling mentally, Ekubo offers to take over his body and pilot him for a bit so that he can get some rest/not have to stress so much. It's mostly for menial tasks, not when Reigen works or anything (unless he requires an emergency supernatural boost ofc), and the spirit just kind of.... does Reigen's self-care for him. He'll put Reigen to sleep and cook a meal so that his body gets sustenance if Reigen doesn't feel up to eating. He'll shower him and shave, tidy his apartment etc. Of course, when Reigen teases him that he totally does care, Ekubo will always deny it with a 'ugh ew no, I just can't stand seeing someone be soooo pathetic. Have some decorum, man', but he's definitely trying not to smile with every word.

♡ - Touch starved. The both of them. Guards! Give that man a hug! In a physical form (Yoshioka), Ekubo will just NOT stop touching Reigen when they're alone (and sometimes will slip up when they're in public, much to both of their embarrassment). In all the official art, they have their hands on each other- I think a lot about that one where he's behind Reigen, all up in his business, and it just confirms that idea for me personally.....

♡ - Possession sex: Ekubo can trigger all the good spots when he's in Reigen's head without Reigen ever having to touch himself anywhere. Reigen can somehow feel invisible hands on his body despite there being no one there and he loves it. It makes him feel less awkward about reciprocating.

♡ - Physical sex: Yoshioka's consent is voiced every time. Ekubo leaves his body so that it's clear to everyone that it's 100% Yoshi's decision to do anything like that. Sometimes Ekubo will relinquish control of Yoshi's body during sex so that he can share in the moment too, even though he's already present mentally. It's like a threesome ig?? I like the concept that Ekubo and Yoshi are distinctly different fucks: they each have their own preferences and styles. I know Ekubo has stated that ghosts don't feel desire, but I think he'd enjoy getting to make Reigen squirm and seeing him enjoy himself. He probably also likes having control in that way. Reigen is a bratty bottom and Ekubo and Yoshi enjoy making him submit hehe.

♡ - They butt heads alllll the time. They bicker like an old married couple constantly (it drives everyone up the wall) and compete against each other for literally no reason other than the fact that they both secretly enjoy it.

♡ - Speaking of butting heads, Ekubo teases Reigen a lot. He likes getting a rise out of him and seeing Reigen get all flustered. They have the best banter out of anyone in the show. Plus, they'd go to the ends of the Earth for each other! I mean, just look at the last episode: Reigen relies on Ekubo's support and Ekubo is willing to protect him to the end. Fuck, even the comment (which the anime took from us and I'll never forgive them for that) about how Reigen can stay with Ekubo should he die during the Minori saga is said very honestly and from a place of love.

I have more ideas (don't I always?) but I'd write a million words and no one needs that lmao.

Anyway, I can't believe Ekurei isn't more popular as a ship because they work so well together. I think a lot of the fandom reduce Ekubo to being 'the fart cloud' and it does a real disservice to his character because he's excellently developed and just has the craziest personal growth. I can't watch the episodes where he sacrifices himself for Mob because they make me sob like a baby. I feel very passionately about him as an individual character and together I think Reigen and Ekubo are better suited than other ships because of their canon relationship. They're equals and it's clear that they respect (no matter how much they pretend otherwise) each other and are grateful for the protection they offer Mob and the kids.

askjsdkahdj sorry for rambling i just love these silly little guys

[jae-is-confused]

A Little Less Talk, & A Lot More Lovin'

Jay Kelso x Male!Reader

Romantic/Platonic/Unspecified

Pronouns: He/Him

Summary: Both you an Jay skip school, leaving you both home alone in the Forman basement. A little bit of weed and a lot of kissing later, both you and Jay are as high as kites.

TW's/Disclaimers: Making out, Weed, implications/mentions of boners, y/n and Jay being horny ig.

You exhale with a slight cough as you pull the, definitely not rolled properly, joint away from your lips. The basement air was thick with the smell of sweat and weed as you passed the joint off to your boyfriend who was staring down at you, your head resting on his lap.

"How you doin' up there pretty boy?" You look at your boyfriend who has a doped up smile plastered across his face. You were always the more tame one of the group when you guys smoked. Besides Ozzie, whenever he decided to opt out.

"Amazing." He bobs his head a little after he pulls the joint away from his mouth, placing it on the ash tray on the coffee table in front of him. He looks down at you and grins like an idiot. "Hey Handsome."

"Hey Casanova." You laugh. Jay stares at you with a far away look for a moment before leaning down and placing a kiss on your forehead. The kisses then being trailed down to your temple, your nose, and all the way to your lips. You hum into the kiss as he pulls your face closer by the nape of your neck.

You pull away with a whine of complaint coming from Jay. You sit correctly on the couch and look at Jay as you grab his hand, pulling him as a sign to move and straddle your lap. Which wasn't something you did often. Every time, Jay got to embarrassed and flipped you so you were straddling him.

But you wanted to tease him.

Reluctantly, Jay swung one of his legs over your hips. He avoided eye contact with the most absurd head motions, looking anywhere but you. You laughed and moved you hand to his hips, pushing them down so he wasn't hovering. They stayed there when Jay finally looked at you.

Jay didn't like straddling you because it made him feel small. But you did like feeling small. So giving him all the control was well in your favor. As well as his. It took him a second, but after sitting there for a moment and getting comfortable with the situation, you could visibly see Jay's confidence return to his face. His demeanor becoming more cocky and confident.

Jay grabbed your face in his hands, smashing his lips with yours. It was sweet and slow, with just a bit of tongue thrown into the mix. It was as if everything had fallen into place.

You both had only started dating near the end of summer, so 5 months into your guys' relationship, and out of all the kisses you had shared, this one takes the cake. You weren't sure why but something about this one just felt different, more slow and meaningful.

The kisses get heavier the longer it goes on as you hold Jay's hips, his chest pressing against your own. Jay pulls back a second. Only to grin at you and flip you both over.

"You little bitch-"

"Babe, less talking. More kissing." Jay nuzzles his head in the crook of your neck as he sucks and presses kisses to your neck. Not knowing what to do with your hands, you place them in his hair as his hands guide your hips to fully sit down on his lap. His kisses migrate to your lips, soft lips against yours, tongues brushing, and breath heavy.

Half-way through a kiss you hear the sound of laughter and footsteps as the gang comes rushing down the stairs. Both you an Jay quickly jump to separate, each of you grabbing a pillow to place on your lap as you put as much distance between you and him. You on one side of the couch, him on the other.

The gang makes it downstairs and the chatter slowly dies down when they see you both, awkward and red faced. Nikki is the first to say something.

"How are you guys already here? School just let out." She walked over to you guys and took one look at the joint in the ashtray before gasping. "Did you guys skip!" She threw her bag down and sat on the coffee table so she was right in front of you.

"Jay, bro, you skipped without me?" Nate leaned against the couch behind Jay but both of you just sat there frozen in place. Neither removing the pillows that lay in your laps.

Ozzie stepped up and sat in between you and Jay, no shame at all. He sighed and looked at everyone in the room, giving Gwen a knowing look, making them both smile evilly. Ozzie cleared his throat and grabbed both pillows covering yours and Jays laps.

"Observe. Boners."

Nate and Nikki gasped as Gwen and Ozzie smiled wickedly at each other. Both you and Jay stood up quickly as you reach for his hand.

"You want to leave? I think we should leave, let's leave." Jay rambled as you nodded your head, Jay pulling you away and out the basement door.

I DID IT! When I tell you I RAN to make a list and find prompts for Nate and Jay when I finished the series. I remember watching "That 70s Show" with my sister when it was on Netflix and us being so upset when it was removed. :(

[itsjeongris]

We met in a Cruel Summer

It was the summer after high school when Y/n decided to go to her friend’s party only to involve herself with her school’s heartthrob, Kim Gyuvin.

Kim Gyuvin x F!Reader

A/N: This is the first story I wrote in a while so pls go easy on me sorry if it isn’t good and some things don’t make sense sorry

Word Count: 5.8k.

Warnings/Tags ig: She/Her pronouns used for reader, Angst? Fluff, Mild profanities, Mentions of food, Yelling, and ONE mildly suggestive scene, Takes place a year before boys planet got announced so gyuvin is like 17 here and the characters I write about here don’t reflect the idols in real life. (Pls msg if there’s more I haven’t added)

It was the first night of the summer, and Y/n was wearing a white long-sleeved collared shirt and black pants. She put on light makeup and then decided to make her way to her friend’s house for a party. She walked out and then went to the bus stop. While waiting she encountered her neighbor and IT boy at her school, Gyuvin. He had a promiscuous reputation, playing with girls, and things like that. He was at the top of his class every semester so his teachers couldn’t be bothered to involve themselves in high school drama. ‘I heard some nasty things about this dude from Seo-yun, it’s better to not get involved’ She thought, planning to avoid the boy. Much to her dismay, he decided to come up to her, sending her a smile that most girls swooned over. 

“Hey, Y/n!” He said as he came up to her. “Are you going to Seo-yun’s party too?” Gyuvin added. “Yeah, I actually am” She replied, not wanting to be rude to him. “Great, so am I, you wanna go together?” He asked her with a smile. “Yeah, sure. I don’t mind” She said, noticing he looked genuinely happy she didn’t wanna dishearten him by declining. “Great! Let’s go then” He said pointing to the bus that just arrived. They both got on the bus sitting next to each other then talking about random things. She found out he has a dog and he’s part of a dance studio called Yuehua.

They soon arrived at the bus stop near Seo-yun’s place and both went out of the bus. The walk there was silent but not awkward, Y/n took the chance to think about things, ‘Gyuvin seems like a polite person though, maybe Seo-yun was lying about it?’ She said while unintentionally staring at him. “You know, if you’re gonna stare at me the entire time might as well ask me out,” He said with a smirk on his face. “Jeez I was just looking at you for like a second and why would I wanna date you? I just met you” She replied, noticing the boy looking dejected. 

“Whatever let’s just go now.” It went silent and awkward for the two teens. They soon arrived at Seo-yun’s place. Knocking on the door then it opens, “Oh hey, Y/n- Woah Gyuvin you actually went?” Seo-yun asked in confusion while opening the door wider as a gesture to come in. “Yeah I mean I don’t have anything else to do so might as well.” He said letting himself in while grabbing Y/n’s hand to drag her along.

Seo-yun looked at the two suspiciously but ignored it and quickly dragged Y/n to where Sooha was waiting for them. “Girl- you got some explaining to do,” Seo-yun said to Y/n while she looked at them confusedly, “What do you mean?” After she said that she quickly realized what they meant. “First off, you came in here with THE Kim Gyuvin, Second, HE HELD YOUR HAND?” Sooha freaked out and looked disgusted. Y/n looked confused, “Listen, I only went with him because he offered to, and like- he just dragged me in? what’s wrong with it?” After Y/n said that Seo-yun made them go to a different room so they can discuss things more privately.

“We told you already okay, HE’S A FUCKING PLAYBOY HE’S JUST GONNA MANIPULATE YOUR FEELINGS LIKE HES DONE WITH ALMOST EVERYONE IN OUR SCHOOL” Seo-yun yelled out feeling frustrated, knowing she had some secret that she didn’t want to admit to her. “Can we just, enjoy the party? I don’t really wanna talk about this right now..” Y/n said nervously, trying to avoid the situation from spilling over. 

“Fine, but we’re talking about this tomorrow,” Seo-yun concluded then all of them went back to the main room. Gyuvin approached Y/n as soon as she left the room. “Hey Y/n do you wanna hang out with me for a bit?” He asked her confidently. She thought about it and noticed none of his friends he seemed to hang around him were there and she didn’t want to embarrass him. “Yeah sure, I’m free anyways.” She said hesitantly

“Great! let’s go then?” He said grabbing her wrist and then taking her to where the drinks and food were. He grabbed a bag of chips while realizing Y/n hasn’t gotten a drink or any food. “Y/n, are you not gonna get anything?” He asked her worriedly. “Nope, I already ate a bit before coming here.” She said.

“That’s good, but you should eat still,” He said. “Yeah, I will” She replied and realized that he isn’t as bad as Seo-yun and Sooha made him out to be. There weren’t many people at the party but the loud music made her cover her ears occasionally. Gyuvin noticed it and asked her “Is it too loud for you? Do you wanna stay on the balcony?” She was surprised he even noticed it.

“I mean only if you want to” She replied back, it got silent between them, the only thing being heard was the loud music blaring from the speakers and the conversations of those around them. “What are you waiting for? let’s go.” He said grabbing her hand again, ‘I swear this is like the 3rd time today’ She thought. 

They went up the stairs and soon reached the balcony. It wasn’t small and was fairly big for a balcony. It was empty except for the fake grass placed on the floor. Gyuvin sat down and Y/n followed soon after. He brought out a bag that literally came out of nowhere and brought out some more snacks. 

“You want some?” He asks Y/n, “I don’t mind” She replied back, getting a choco pie out of the mini bag he had. “How come you’re so nice to me even though we just met?” She asked curiously. “We’ve been classmates for a while and you seem so nice but you never talked to me, I haven’t found the chance to talk to you until today though” It’s true, the pair had been classmates since their freshman year and now they’re on their senior years and Y/n hadn’t approached him because of Seo-yun and Sooha, they always told her that he was a bad person.

“Wow, who knew we felt the same” She muttered under her breath hoping he wouldn’t hear her. “Then why didn’t you talk to me?” He asked her. She was contemplating telling him about Seo-yun and Sooha, “It’s because of Seo-yun and Sooha.” she ended up spilling it. “Huh? What do you mean?” He questioned her, bewildered since last he checked, Sooha and Seo-yun were completely fine with him.

“They think you’re a playboy and would just end up breaking my heart in the end so they never let me talk to you” She said quickly hoping he would change the topic already. “Well don’t listen to them, do what you want to do and if it is talking to me and being my friend then so be it. Just don’t give a fuck about what they think, live your own life, Y/n” He said with his signature smile on his face.

“So would you like to be friends?” She asked nervously, fidgeting with her fingers as she waited for his answer. He grabbed her hands and looked at her endearingly. “Obviously I would, who wouldn’t wanna be friends with you?”

She decided to change the topic so it wouldn’t be that awkward. “You dance right?” She asked him. “I told you on the bus, didn’t I?” He replied to her in a playful tone. “I was wondering if you could teach me kick it by nct 127, I love the choreography for that but I’m not really sure how to do it.” She asked him hesitantly since they were not that close yet. “Sure, I don’t mind. I already learned it a while back, Can I have your number? So we can meet up one of these days” He said bringing out his phone, She put in her number and then returned it to him.

She checked her phone and then realized it was already midnight. “Shoot, I don’t think I can catch a ride home” She panicked since she snuck out and simply couldn’t call her mom to pick her up. “I’ll call an uber, you live around the block yeah? I’ll just walk you home” He offered. “No, I can’t accept it. You’re being too nice.” She said back. “Nope, too late I already called it and we’re friends, right? Obviously, I have to make sure you’re safe.” Gyuvin said in a matter-of-fact tone. 

“Fine whatever, if you insist,” Y/n answered back. They both went down to wait outside for their uber. In the main room, it was nearly empty except for the passed-out Yiren and Minji on the couch, Y/n draped a blanket over the pair. Seeing Y/n be so caring towards her friends made Gyuvin moved by her kindness despite the fact they both tried to not make her friends with him.

“Y/n ! The uber’s here, let’s go” He said. Y/n followed Gyuvin out and they soon both got in the car. The drive back was silent and soon reached Gyuvin’s home. He paid the driver and he drove off. He followed his word and walked her back home. They both said their goodbyes and went off their own ways. Y/n tried to open the front door as quietly as possible and ended up succeeding in getting in without her parents noticing.

-------------------------------------

The duo soon got close as the weeks went by, without Y/n’s best friends knowing of course. She was now getting ready to meet Gyuvin at his house to hang out. She wore a hoodie with some leggings and a sling bag to keep her valuables. She soon heard his car pull up in front of her house. She soon finished applying her face powder and decided to go. It was a monday so her parents weren’t home. She soon got in the car.

“Hey Gyuvinnie !” She greeted him while putting on her seatbelt. “Yo Y/n, How are you?” He said. “I’m doing fine what about you?” She asked him. “Same here but I’m exhausted since I’m trying to improve my dancing skills” He replied back to her question. “Oh that’s nice.” She said while looking out the window. “Speaking of which, why did you take the bus that day? Why didn’t you just drive there yourself?” She asked, curiosity laced in her voice.

“I was grounded at that time so I couldn’t use the car so I just snuck out then took the bus.” He answered. “Then that makes two of us then !” Y/n said while smiling at him. He looked back at her then smiled back. 

It didn’t take long for him to arrive at his home and they both got out and Y/n was surprised on the size of his house. She hadn’t seen the entirety of it during the night of the party because it was dark out and she realized how rich Gyuvin was. “Damn, What the hell” She mumbled under her breath in shock. “Stop staring at my house and just go inside” He said grabbing her by her wrist which seemed to be a habit for him.

“Gyuvin are your parents home?” She asked, “Nope, they’re both out on a business trip” He said. “You wanna go to my practice room? You wanna learn kick it right?” He asked her while she followed him. “Oh yeah I almost forgot, Thanks for reminding me.” She replied back and they walked in his practice room. It looked like a practice room from a dance studio, crazy to think he’s that rich. 

“Okay let’s start” He walked over to the center of the room. “Let’s do some warmups first, shall we?” He offered. They did simple stretches and some exercises. He then brought out his phone then connected it to the speakers. “Do you want to watch the dance practice first or do you wanna go straight to it?” he asked. “I’ll just do it without watching the dance practice first” 

He played the music on his phone, She did well in the first chorus then started to get lost in the 1st verse since she hasn’t watched the dance practice in a while. ‘Shoot I just embarrassed myself, Oh my god he must think I’m terrible now’ She started to slow her movements then stopped altogether. Gyuvin noticed then stopped the music and went over to her.

“Are you okay Y/n?” He noticed that she forgot some parts of the choreography at the start then got nervous afterwards. “We can watch the dance practice first if you want? Then I’ll teach you how to do it” He offered. “Yes please I’m suffering right now” 

Gyuvin went out the room then came back with his laptop and placed it on the floor. She analyzed it and taking note of some parts she did wrong and got up after it ended. Gyuvin then went to Y/n and started showing her the steps for the first verse. 

“So first you move your arms in an inward motion then you move your right leg outwards” He said while demonstrating it. “You can do it separately first then try to do it together.” She started doing it then slowly got the hang of it. “Your making some progress already ! Let’s try first chorus + 1st verse with the music” He said happily

She noticed him looking so passionate while dancing and it made her admire him. She started to fall for him even before she befriended him, her encounters with him in the hallway, or even the way he smiles at her while giving back her test paper. Y/n fell for Gyuvin so hard, but he fell first.

Y/n was able to finish the 1st verse and decided to learn the full song (i dont wanna describe anything I am not a dancer) after practicing the full choreography at least 10 times not including the learning portion they both lay on the floor, exhausted.

“Hey, you wanna eat anything? I can cook some ramyeon if you want?” He asked her sitting up and Y/n following soon after. “Yeah sure, I’m starving right now.” They both got up and walked towards his kitchen, getting a pack of noodles on the way. While waiting they both decided to chat a bit about their hobbies, She found out Gyuvin wanted to be an idol but is unsure about it since it mean giving up his privacy. He also liked singing and playing games. He offered to play some smash bros in his room after eating and she agreed excitedly. 

They both ate silently then afterwards went to his room. He had a nice setup and a tv in his room too. He then set up his switch then booted up the game. He handed her a controller and opened the game. He chose Joker as his character and I chose Bayonetta. 

Y/n was on a losing streak so she tackled Gyuvin to distract him then ended up winning. “Y/nnn That’s just cheating” He pouted then decided to change the game to mario kart. They both chose their characters then played as normal. Y/n ended up winning a lot surprisingly so Gyuvin got revenge. While she was in 1st place he started tickling her. “STOP- hah- PLEASE-” She started saying while in a fit of laughter.

They both didn’t win because they ended up forgetting about the game and ended up fighting each other. After a while they both just laid on the floor looking at the ceiling. “Gyuvinnie, have you decided on what career you wanna do besides being an idol?” She asked him while still looking up. “Not really, being an idol is really what’s on my mind right now. What about you Y/n?” He said while turning his head to look at her. 

“I don’t really have anything in mind but maybe I’ll try to think about it more.” She replied and looked back at him. “You can be a dancer you know? With proper training you can be a great dancer” He suggested. “Hmm.. I’ll think about it when the time comes.” She was considering it ever since Gyuvin started to teach her how to dance kick it.

She got up and started looking for her bag. “Gyuvin, I’ll go now so my parents won’t worry.” She said while reaching her hand for the door knob, before she could twist it open a much bigger hand went on top of her’s and she turned around to see Gyuvin behind her. “Wait can you stay for a bit more Y/n?” he asked her. “ 

“Gyuvinnie, I can’t you know? I still have to do chor-” She got cut off by Gyuvin grabbing her shoulders then pinning her to the wall. ‘huh?’ she was confused and flustered. She started blushing furiously, “Yah, Gyuvin what are you doing? T-This isn’t funny you know...” She said nervously. 

“Y/n... Ever since you introduced yourself in our freshman class, I had a crush on you. The way you were so nice to everyone to the way your eyes would shine when you answered a question in english. That night of the party made me fall for you more, I’m sorry if I made things awkward its fine if you don’t-” 

Before he could complete his sentence, Y/n grabbed his collar then pulled him down so his lips could meet hers. He was caught off guard but after a few moments he kissed back. His lips moved perfectly against hers as he grabbed her waist to deepen it. In response she moved her arms to wrap around his neck.

They both pulled away panting and stayed in each other’s hold for awhile. Gyuvin grabbed her wrist then dragged her to his bed then hugged her. They both stayed like that for awhile until Y/n pops the question. “Gyuvin, what are we exactly?” She asks while sitting up, Gyuvin sits up too while he reached his hand out to cup her cheek. “We can be anything you wanna be, Y/n” He says endearingly while Y/n pulls him into another hug.

“Then I wanna be your girlfriend” She replies quickly. “I will but only if I’ll be your boyfriend” He says with a smirk. They ended up cuddling and falling asleep together. 

------------------------------------

The next morning Y/n woke up and tried to sit up but Gyuvin’s arm was tightly wrapped around her waist. She realized that she was still in Gyuvin’s house and she never went home. “Oh shoot” She said louder than intended and ended waking Gyuvin up. “What is it Y/n?” He asked while rubbing his eyes. “My parents are gonna kill me.” She said while looking for her bag where she kept her phone. 

“I’ll just take you there, just say you had an impromptu sleepover with Yiren or something?” He suggested. “That’s a good idea but they still might get mad but not as much” She replied, getting out of the bed and fixing her hoodie, While doing that she noticed Gyuvin spacing out and found herself staring at his dark brown irises, even though they were in a darker hue, she liked the way it shined when he does something he loved. 

“Y/n, if you keep staring might as well compliment me already” He says with impatience laced in his voice. “Well sorry, your eyes are just pretty thats why” He blushes at the compliment but regains his composure. “Well they’re pretty because you see your own reflection in them~” He flirts back, while Y/n blushes a bit. “Y-Yah can I go home now” She asks still kind of flustered by what he said earlier.

“Fine, let’s go” Gyuvin said, reaching for her hand as they went out of his room. They continued this until she went home and when she reached her front door, before Gyuvin left Y/n hugged him then asked him to text her later. 

Her parents arrived in the night then Y/n just explained that her and Yiren had a surprise sleepover and they just took her word for it.

--------------------------------

It’s been a month since Y/n and Gyuvin started dating, they went on a few dates here and there but for their monthsary, he decided to ask her out to an amusement park nearby. She accepted, eager to meet up with her boyfriend once more. 

She was once again getting ready, she put on a simple crop top (if ur uncomfy just imagine any top) and baggy jeans. She wanted to wear something special but since they’re going in an amusement parks she had little options.

She decided to not put on makeup since it would most likely get ruined when she goes on the rides. Gyuvin told her beforehand that he wanted to take the bus instead of driving there and she just agreed since it really reminded her when they first met. “Y/nnn hurry upp” She heard Gyuvin saying it impatiently while knocking. “Wait-“ she says hurriedly as she got her bag and went down the stairs to answer the door.

“Hey Y/n, you ready to go?” He asks her. “Hi Gyuvinnie, yeah I am, let’s goo” She says excitedly and reaches to hold his hand. He noticed her trying to subtly reach out her hand and held her hand first. They continued on like this as they went over to the bus stop. She was currently rambling about a group that she was currently fixated on.

“Yeah like- Ciipher is an amazing group it’s just that rain sucks-“ She continued ranting about Ciipher until the bus arrived. Gyuvin wasn’t interested on the group itself, sure it intrigued him but all he could focus on was the way your eyes reflected off the sunlight giving a bright and youthful aura. The way some of your hair strands stood up, even though it may just appear messy on everyone else’s eye but to him, it’s what made her stood out from others in her school. She was the only one who didn’t attempt to hit on him or pursue him. Hell at one point Yiren tried asking him out but that didn’t work out.

After awhile she soon got tired then tried to sleep, Gyuvin noticed and put her head on his shoulder. It remained like this throughout the whole way there.

When the bus driver stopped to announce the stop, Gyuvin woke her up by shaking her lightly. She didn’t wake up, so he just slapped her lmao. 

“What the hell gyuvin” Y/n was rubbing her arm while glaring at Gyuvin. “What? You wouldn’t wake up, let’s get off now idiot.” He said then holding her hand and dragging her out of the bus.

They walked a bit before they reached the amusement park then went through the entrance fees and lines. It was quick since they went on a week day. Y/n held Gyuvin’s hand and pointed at a big rollercoaster then looked at back at him with pleading eyes. 

“Gyuvinnn can we ride that first” She begged. “Sure let’s go” He agreed and then went there with her. They soon after started lining up for the ride. It wasn’t long and they soon got to the front of the line, “Y/n, I dare you to ride in the front row” He said with a smirk, “Fine, but only if you do too” Y/n responded.

They both got on the ride and Y/n broke her composure and started looking around nervously. She fumbled with the seat belt, struggling to put it on. Gyuvin noticed it then reached his hand out to help her put it on. 

The ride went smoothly afterwards besides the loops and drops. As the ride came to a stop, the couple got off slowly while holding onto eachother for support.

"Never again." Gyuvin stated as he draped his arm over Y/n's shoulder for support. "I regret ever suggesting that" Y/n said as she tried to support herself by doing the same thing Gyuvin was doing.

After 10 minutes of walking around the couple soon found a food stall they wanted to buy from. Y/n went to go find a seat for the two of them and Gyuvin went to buy food.

She was scrolling through instagram and felt a tap on her shoulder. She looked up and saw Seo-yun and Sooha. "Oh hey Y/n I thought my eyes were deceiving me" Yiren said rubbing her eyes. "What are you doing here in the first place?"Aisha asked.

"Oh I'm just- waiting for a friend ! That's all" She lied and voice cracked at the end. "Do you want us to wait with you?" Seo-yun asked her. "NOOO- I mean no, you guys can go on about your day, pretend you never saw me" She spoke quickly, trying to end the conversation. "Whatever you say Y/n... Just text us if they don’t come okay !" Seo-yun said while dragging Sooha away.

As soon as the two left, Gyuvin arrived with a tray of food. "I'm sorry if I took long, the line was super long" He apologized profusely. "It's okay Gyuvinnie I didn't wait long, let's eat now" She said while grabbing her utensils and handed the other set to Gyuvin.

"I saw Yiren and Aisha awhile ago." Y/n said and she noticed that Gyuvin tensed up. "Are they still here? What did they say?" He asked. "They just asked me what I was doing here, I said I was waiting for a friend and they just let me be after I told them to. I'm not sure whether or not their still here though" She replied back.

"Well, are you still comfortable with me holding your hand or hugging you?" He asked her. "I am fine with it still, I know physical affection is your whole thing and I don't wanna ruin that..." She replied back while she reached her hand out to hold his hand and she smiled at him. 

“But I still want to be careful since I don’t know if they’re still here..." Y/n stated as she looked down. Gyuvin noticed her nervous state then brought his hands to her face then started to squish her cheeks. "Forget about them for today, this day is about us right?" He said to her with a smile.

She soon felt comforted seeing his smile and they both decided to go find games as soon as they finished eating. They walked around hand-in-hand in the park. The pair soon reached the area where the games are located.

Y/n saw a white stuffed bunny and ran towards that stall and waited in line. It was soon their turn to play and Y/n tried aiming the rifle at the bunny. She was unsuccessful in her 2 tries. Gyuvin offered to try for the last attempt and ended up winning her the plush.

After the employee handed it to them Y/n quickly hugged the bunny and wouldn't let go of it. "So what are you gonna name it?" He asked. "I'm gonna name him Vinie !" Y/n said after putting the bunny on top of her head. "why would you name it that though?" Gyuvin asked curiously. "Because the bunny reminds me of you."

----------------

It soon turned night and the pair was exhausted after the long day of just going on rides, playing games and walking around. Before leaving they decided to go on the ferris wheel for last. As they enter the gondola everything went silent. Right before the gondolas reached the top, Gyuvin spoke up. “I love you, Y/n” He said while staring at her. Y/n was surprised by his sudden confession, nonetheless she replied. “I love you too Gyuvin”.

As she said that Gyuvin leaned forward then grabbed Y/n’s collar then pressed his lips against her’s. She felt butterflies in her stomach, She kissed back as their lips moved in sync. The kiss ended soon after since they realized the ride would end soon. Y/n was blushing furiously and was fidgeting with her fingers for the remainder of the ride.

When they got off Y/n was quiet the entire time. She was still in shock from the previous events, Gyuvin holding her hand brought her back from her thoughts. “Are you okay? Sorry if I made you uncomfortable” He said while rubbing his thumb over her hand. She looked back at him and spoke, “No it’s nothing I’m just- flustered? I guess...” He got what she was trying to say then hugged her for comfort.

“You wanna go?” “Can we take the train this time?” She asked him. “Yeah, I’m fine with anything as long as your here.”

-----------------

A week passed by and the start of their school year was nearing. Y//n decided to ask Gyuvin out on a date 2 weeks before school. They both met up in a cafe and ordered coffee and cinnamon rolls. They were both talking to each other and their coffee arrived soon after.“Did you hear about the new update they announced for genshin?” As Y/n brought up a conversation the bell on the cafe door chimed and she widened her eyes seeing who just walked through it.

“What the hell Y/n.” Seo-yun said while looking at Gyuvin and Y/n who intertwined their hands. “What are you doing.” Sooha spoke up and dragged the two to stand up. “We’re on a date. What else does it look like?” Gyuvin said with a snarky tone and tried hiding Y/n behind him. “Y/n after all that we told you... YOU STILL DATED THIS ASSHOLE?” Seo-yun yelled out grabbing Y/n’s wrist then dragging her out the cafe, Sooha tagging along and Gyuvin stayed in the cafe in shock. 

“SEO-YUN WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM” Y/n yelled out while Seo-yun released her wrist from her grasp.“MY PROBLEM IS THAT YOUR DATING GYUVIN”Seo-yun was furious. Anyone could tell and a few people on the street started looking in their direction “AND? I CAN DATE WHOEVER YOU WANT ITS MY LIFE” Y/n replied back. “NOT IF THAT PERSON YOUR DATING IS MY CRUSH” Seo-yun’s reply confused Y/n “What? What do you mean” She said. “I MADE UP ALL THOSE THINGS ABOUT HIM SO YOU CAN STAY AWAY BUT NO- YOU STILL DECIDED TO WHORE YOURSELF OUT TO HIM” Seo-yun yelled out while approaching Y/n. “

I DIDNT EVEN TALK TO HIM FIRST, HE APPROACHED ME SO WHAT? YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST INSULT ME LIKE THAT” “I WOULDNT HAVE INSULTED YOU IF YOU BROKE UP WITH HIM ALREADY” The air around them was starting to get heated, some of the bystanders left, realizing it was a personal matter.

“I- I thought we were friends” Y/n’s voice started to die down as her vision got clouded with tears. “WE ARE ITS JUST THAT YOU DECIDED TO GO FOR SOMEONE I HAD A CRUSH ON. NOW BREAK UP WITH HIM OR OUR FRIENDSHIP IS OVER.” Seo-yun yelled out one final time before turning her back on her and leaving along with Sooha.

---------------------

As soon as Y/n got home she burst out in tears. She went straight to her room then cried more into her pillow. She soon fell asleep for a few hours. She woke up and got her phone and texted Gyuvin.

She heard her phone ring then declined the call. She went to message her friends that she already broke up with him. Y/n started to regret her decision but she knew it was too late to take it back. Seo-yun and Sooha were her only friends and they’ve been really close since childhood and she didn’t wanna ruin her friendship because Seo-yun had a crush on her now ex-boyfriend.

--------------------

It was the start of the school year and Y/n was classmates with Seo-yun and Sooha again. Everything went smoothly in their friendship after the breakup but deep down Y/n still knew she liked Gyuvin, but she didn’t want Seo-yun to get mad at her. 

As she was talking in the classroom with Seo-yun and Sooha she noticed Gyuvin staring at her from the corner of her eye.

The bell rang and the trio went to their respective seats. Their classes ended quicker that they thought and Y/n was spacing out after the bell rang and was left sitting at her seat.

“Y/nnn Are you coming??” Sooha said, breaking Y/n out of her trance. The 3 soon went to the cafeteria and while they were eating all Y/n could think of was Gyuvin. She missed him. She regrets breaking up with him but she doesn’t wanna lose her life-long friend either.

Y/n soon felt a tap on her shoulder, She looked back and saw Gyuvin. “We need to talk. Now.” He said while grabbing her shoulder and taking her to an empty classroom. “Uhm Hi?” She said out of nervousness and confusion. “Why did you break up with me” Gyuvin asked while unintentionally pinning her against the wall by her shoulders.

“I- I just fell out of love you know” Y/n tried lying her way out of this, She feels like she can’t hold her tears anymore. “You’re lying.” He replied back firmly. “It’s true” She said while trying not to let the tears spill out but it was unsuccessful. She ended up letting it all out. “Stop lying already” “I- I’m not” She tried to stop her hiccups from being to obvious but her efforts were futile.

“If you weren’t lying then you wouldn’t be crying right now” He said while bringing her in for a hug. Oh how Y/n missed this, she felt like she could melt right now but she still had to remember. They aren’t even together anymore.

“I still love you but we just- can’t be together” Y/n said trying not to break down. “And why not? Is this because of your friends?” He asked her patting her back while trying not to cry also. “It’s not! We just aren’t meant to be together.” She said. “We both still clearly love each other, you’re just torturing me at this point, there’s nothing stopping us from being together” Gyuvin said slowly losing his calm composure. “I love you, but I just can’t be with you. You deserve better, like Seo-yun or something” She spoke, she backed up and went to reach for the door but then she looked back and saw Gyuvin’s tear stricken face.

“But if you love me then why did you leave?”

[lesbiansanemi]

11 and 16 for KnY and Chainsaw Man please?

11. number of fandom-related words you've filtered?

None of these specific fandoms, actually! There's not a specific character/ship/etc that's irritated me quite enough that isn't easy enough to avoid to get me to do that

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

Swinging a bat at a hornet's nest here, but dear god I want the kny fandom to shut the everliving fuck up about Giyuu. They can't characterize him correctly, it's all "aw, sad emo awkward boy" but then they take out the teeth. They never want to acknowledge he's literally suicidal, never want to acknowledge that, while he doesn't mean for this to happen, it's his fault no one likes him. He's all "uwu sad baby who's just misunderstood." Like yeah!!! He is misunderstood!!! By you, bitch!!!! Also???? Stop shipping him with everyone??? Esp because his most popular ships are with Sanemi and Shinobu? The two characters who.... like him the least? Like, canonically? And like, ik this is my own personal preference, but I hate the "enemies to lovers" dynamic where they're already on the same side but just argue and don't like each other. (I actually argue that's not even enemies to lovers, it shouldn't count as enemies to lovers unless they are literally trying to murder each other, on opposite sides, completely different morals, etc etc). Because it's like... They're on the same side, if they were going to like each and get along, they probably would have.... They just hate each other. That's all I can see. And like, that was a little tangent, but the point is, I just don't see Giyuu meshing well with Shinobu or Sanemi (Shinobu, ever. Sanemi in a strictly post-canon way where everyone's dead and they're latching onto each other in an unhealthy way because they don't have anyone else). But... people tend to just shove Giyuu into a relationship with one of them (or Tanjiro, that's another common one), and use that as an easy fix all to Giyuu's destructive tendencies (if they even acknowledge them at all) and it's like wow!!! You took everything even mildly interesting about this character and got rid of it for a bland ship! Congrats! Why are you doing it? Why are you entertained by this? I literally just do not fucking get it

And for Chainsaw Man.... I'm gonna be honest, I don't interact with the Chainsaw Man fandom a whole lot because I feel like I'm not gonna like how they talk about the series lmao. Most of the Chainsaw Man stuff I see is stuff reblogged/written/drawn from a very small handful of ppl I trust the opinions of lmao So I actually can't think of something that really irks me about the fandom, but that's just because I barely poke it with a ten foot pole, I know it's out there. So ig the closest thing might be that group of people who got really into Aki/Angel and are now getting pissy that Denji and Yoshida aren't "canon." Like please. Please I'm fucking begging you. Learn how to interact with media without obsessing over a m/m ship. It's really fun, and you'll probably glean a lot more meaning from it. I promise! Stop snorting the yaoi cocaine for two fucking seconds, like dear god

[whatsupwither]

#9 It.Got.Worse. :D

It's been a while but trust me when I say things didn't get better. After the whole Ian thing I actually didn't really stop talking with him. I just decided to stop starting our messages. ofc that didn't stop him. He decided to get things steamier again but this time I decided to just tell him how I feel about it. He was okay with it and I was hoping this would make him stop talking to me, well he still does for a while. I thought I should just let it be as it is. I had a meet up with an old childhood friend and decided to tell him about Ian. These were his exact words to me: "You Dumb Fucking Bitch... I'm sorry... But did you really lose your head because you're attracted to him?" I never wanted to scream before. Turns out you can actually screen record ig pictures and videos wihtout the other person finding out. He probably did and did everything I said he would. FUCK FUCK FUCKKKKK!!!!

That's when I decided to just kick him out of my life basically. I'm done with him. It doesn't help that my cat, has been with me for 11 years, is dying. I honestly would love to just call Ian and talk and vent but he can go fuck himself. I've been crying everyday now and it got to the point where people are telling me that I look very tired at practice.

Jeremy is back btw. turns out he is not away for good (which I kinda hope he will). We rolled here and then but yesterday, i was again just the two of us in the elevator and we have our usual banter and right before we go on our ways, he sort of egged on me for not being nice on the elevator, so I decided to say something nice and thought fuck it might as well tell him a bit of how I feel so I told him that I actually sometimes wanna kiss him. and I left immediately after HAHA. I regret saying it. I should've said somethign extra mean and tell him thats the nicest he's gonna get.

Well turns out its mutual because he dmed that night and told me he felt the same way. we continued talking for a bit and I told him about when he invited me over and how I wanted to kiss him then and we both sort of decided during our chat it was for the best we both dont try anything.

I'll be avoiding him for awhile now. and when we do meet, I'm definitely gonna pretend like nothing happen and just give him as much as a cold shoulder as I possibly can. It's not because I don't like him, its to keep things less awkward and more friendly ig. He had the audacity to mention how he'll break my heart and everything... cute. very cute. I'm attracted to him, sure, but I don't like him that way. I can't even imagine myself with him nor do I have the desire to have a future with him. I'm not afraid to say that yes, I wanna do more than kiss him, and I am not at all concerned about liking him but I am about being awkward right after or ruining what we already have. I don't think Im a casual relationship type of person either, I wouldn't feel comfortable moving forward like that so probably best to keep things the way it is. I do feel better now with where we are because we've talked and pretty much agreed its whats best.

Wish me luck.

[ericspinkhair]

dirty thoughts from a distance

pairing: dom!changmin x virgin!reader, best friends to lovers, college au!

synopsis: you masturbate while thinking of your best friend and he catches you moan out his name

word count: 3.8k

warnings: maybe slight angst, (getting caught) masturbating, mutual masturbation, sex in general ig

a/n: y'all are crazyy! it has barely been 19 days and I have already hit 100 followers🤧 thank you guys so much for your support and sending in requests!!! everytime I see leave me nice messages I feel so encouraged to keep on writing even though there is still a lot of room to improve and I am not always completely satisfied with what I create. I wish all of you a great day and hope that you stay happy and healthy!!

this chapter is especially dedicated to @bangcrispychannie​ and anon who requested this kind of scenario ❤️

masterlist + requests

for three years you wondered why you hadn't lost your virginity yet. it's not like you didn't have enough opportunities since you had been in two relationships so far, both lasted about five to seven months.

the feelings in your first relationship were been mostly one-sided however.

when a guy in your biology class named Minho confessed his crush for you, you thought that the only logical next step was to become a couple. you were quite flattered that he had taken such an interest in you and believed and hoped you would eventually develop feelings for him as well. the problem was you didn't. after not being able to be emotionally let alone physically intimate with him for a few months into your relationship, he finally confronted you and you confessed that you just couldn't bring yourself to see him that way. your relationship came to an end just before becoming a senior in high school.

in your last year, you got close with Seonghwa. you were seat neighbors in your english class and you'd chat all the time. he was perfectly sweet, smart and funny and you instantly got along just fine. you developed an interest in him and he seemed to feel the same way. he asked you out with a beautiful bouquet of flowers and some chocolate and you agreed to being his girlfriend without much thought. you caught yourself falling in love with this boy and didn't shy away from physical affection such as kissing and holding hands. you were convinced you were ready to give yourself to him during prom night but when it came to it you chickened out. a couple of hours before, you had found out that your best friend changmin had broken up with his girlfriend of six months.

for a long time you hadn't been able to decipher why you hadn't slept with Seonghwa then. as time passed, the unpleasant answer became clearer and clearer: you had brought up your hopes.

you had been best friends with changmin basically since you started elementary school. on the first day, he scared you with a stupid horror mask he had sneaked in from home and made you cry. he felt so guilty and was determined to make it up to you and to become friends. you had been inseparable ever since.

when he got his first girlfriend in junior year you were devastated. you convinced yourself that the reason for that was that you had been scared he was going to replace you as his best friend but in reality you had felt jealousy.

you were suppressing your feelings because if you confessed, things might become awkward. there was no way changmin could ever like you the same way.

all of this became more difficult as you moved in together for college. you were sharing an apartment now and every day, it became harder to avoid your growing and troublesome feelings. your heart would beat faster whenever he walked around shirtless (which was most of the time) and you decided to try to ignore him. this was especially difficult since you wanted to appreciate his physique. when had he become this handsome? changmin had been dancing all his life so he had always been fit but now that he was majoring in it and training most of the time, his body had developed and he had become super toned and his abs were more prominent.

he'd often make his way into your dreams and you'd let him do inappropriate things with you. you'd wake up wet and needy and even more confused. you were ashamed of seeing him this way. this was not how one normally thought about their best friend.

it was a wednesday morning and you were eating breakfast when changmin joined you in the kitchen. he flashed you a big smile, making his pretty dimples appear which you didn't see as you did not look at him.

'good morning, y/n!' he greeted you in a good mood. you just grunted in response, intensely staring at the cereal swimming in your bowl.

the fact that you couldn't even spare him a glance hurt changmin but he tried to not let it show. he wanted to get you to talk to him.

'do you want to watch a movie and play some board games today after class?' he proposed. you hadn't spent a lot of time together ever since you had become aware of your feelings.

'I have an essay due tomorrow,' you quickly made up as an excuse. the corners of changmin's mouth twitched but you didn't notice as you were too preoccupied with doing anything that didn't include looking at him.

'then maybe on the weekend. or next-' 'I'll be busy,' you interjected. 'I have lots to do.' you stressed the lots to emphasize there was absolutely no way you would be able to hang out with him any time soon.

'umm… okay. I'll be going to class.' he told you dejected. your heart sank but you didn't respond. he was wondering whether he had done anything to make you upset but he couldn't wrap his mind around it. this had been going on for a while and he was starting to become desperate.

when you first got the apartment you spent every free minute of the day together, happy that you finally moved out and could be with each other 24/7, but then you stopped talking to him completely out of nowhere. from one day to the other, you would avoid leaving your room when he was outside and barely talked to him anymore. at first, changmin thought you were just stressed and that you'd eventually warm up again when exam season came to an end but a few months had passed and, if anything, the situation was even worse than before.

you were watching the time and after ten minutes you decided to leave for classes as well. you had started doing this so you couldn't possibly catch up to him and risk having a conversation.

'hey, y/n, what's up!' your friend chanhee hugged you when you arrived on campus. you were both majoring in fashion design and were getting along on well since the beginning of the first semester.

you sighed exasperatedly. 'changmin's up.' you puffed your cheeks and pouted. chanhee nodded knowingly. he was the only person who was aware of your little secret and that was only because you had accidentally drunk confessed the whole story to him at your first college party.

'you know maybe you should tell him. this whole thing is clearly not making you happy and I saw changmin walk by a few minutes ago. if I had to guess I'd say he was in an even worse mood than you. someone accidentally ran into him and he pushed them hard and called them names. it's not like him to overreact like this. he's usually super collected. I think you finally managed to break his spirit,' chanhee reported to you.

this had never been what you intended. why did everything have to be so difficult? you didn't want to be the cause of your best friend's unhappiness.

'he must feel like I despise him. but I cannot confess to him, that would be the end of our friendship!' you were constantly torn apart by this dilemma.

'well, if you're not gonna act on your feelings, maybe try to move on? find something casual or serious with someone new? then you'd forget all about changmin and you'd be able to go back to acting normal around him' he suggested.

chanhee's advice didn't sound too bad. if you couldn't get with changmin then you had to de-crush yourself and find somebody different to focus your emotional energy on. but on who?

'is there anyone you could think of?' you ask chanhee. he had great taste in practically everything so you highly valued his opinion.

'hmm, you could potentially try younghoon hyung? I've seen him eyeing you for weeks now and he even told me thinks your gorgeous.' he wiggled his eyebrows teasingly.

younghoon was a pretty art student, whom chanhee knew from high school. you didn't talk to him often, mostly at parties and he wasn't exactly your type but you tried to remember shouldn't judge him by his first impression when you haven't even got to know him.

chanhee pulled out his phone and soon you felt yours vibrate in your back pocket. you looked at him questioningly.

'I sent you his number in case you're interested,' he explained proudly. he put his hand on your shoulder and you could see the concern in his eyes. 'you really need to get over changmin if don't want to confess,' he insisted firmly.

so you decided to text younghoon during class. he was very polite and you thought he was cute as he seemed excited to talk to you. you agreed to hang out sometime to get to know each other and decided to meet up friday for dinner.

after the end of your classes, you walked home to warm up yesterday's leftovers. to your dismay, changmin had also decided to come home for once. since you began acting all weird and refused to eat with him, he usually spent lunch time with his dance mates as they had practice after anyway. why had he decided to come here today? your question was answered when he ran up to you, smiling from ear to ear and you noticed he was hiding something behind his back.

'you know how there is a blackpink concert downtown on friday? guess what!' he held up two tickets. surely you would at least agree to spend time with him if it meant being able to see your favorite group, right?

he must have gone through so much trouble to get tickets for you and since blackpink were your favorite music artists you were actually contemplating on going but then you remembered you had made plans.

'I can't. I'm going out with younghoon friday night.'

'kim younghoon?' he raised an eyebrow skeptically.

'why would you to be spending time together? I didn't know he was even talking to you,' he questioned you. anger was boiling inside of you.

'maybe it's because you don't know everything about me,' you snapped at him. you were aware that you were being harsh but somehow his words hurt you. why did he doubt you? did he think you weren't able to get with someone as awesome and popular as younghoon? did he not consider you pretty enough?

the microwave beeped, indicating your food was ready, making you snap out of your thoughts.

'y/n, I swear, that's not what I meant.' he stepped directly in front of you so you were forced to look at him. you stared deep into his pleading eyes as you closed the microwave door, turned your back to him, stomped to your room and slammed the door shut, leaving changmin behind in the kitchen.

your whole body was tense as you listened closely to any sounds coming from outside and felt relieved when you heard the front door close. feeling sad and depressed always made you feel tired so you decided to take a nap to forget about all the negative feelings.

when you woke up you were horny af. you had a dream about changmin taking you on the kitchen counter and now your panties were completely soaked with your arousal.

desperate, you pulled them down and tossed them somewhere to the side. it didn't matter. you needed relief now.

you closed your eyes as you slowly started rubbing your clit, imagining it was changmin's slender fingers touching you instead. your imagination was running wild and you sped up the tempo.

eventually, you plunged your middle finger and then your index finger inside you, pretending that changmin was stretching your walls with his cock.

you moaned loudly and picked up the pace, chasing your high. oh, how much you wished he was the one making you come.

'yes?' you opened your eyes and gasped loudly as you saw changmin watching you from the doorway. you hecticly pulled up your blankets to your chest to cover your naked lower body. for how fucking long had he been standing there?

'oh fuck, changmin...' you cursed out loud.

to your surpise he laughed. 'oh, is this why you have been so distant? were you embarrassed about imagining doing dirty things with me?' your cheeks were burning red and you were unable to move a muscle.

'you know, if you had told me you were thinking of me while doing it then I could've helped you out already. that would have spared both of us a lot of frustration.' he stepped into the room and pulled the sheets away, his hungry eyes fixed on your desperately dripping pussy. you tried to hide it with your hands.

'n-no… what are you saying? aren't we best friends? ' you couldn't comprehend what was happening right now. the way he was acting was so unexpected that you didn't know how to react or what to say. he brushed his hand over your burning cheeks. his eyes were conveying disparity.

'but what if I told you I don't care? that I like you? that I see you as more than just my best friend?'

'wait, you like me?' you couldn't believe your ears. was he actually reciprocating your feelings?

he groaned in exasperation. 'y/n, why did you think I ended things with my ex out of the blue?' you shrugged your shoulders as you weren't sure. you had thought it was because she had lost interest in him, at least that's what changmin had told you back then.

'because I realized I was in love you, you dumbass. how could I be together with someone if I had feelings for someone else?'

'I actually ruined my chances of having sex with seonghwa for the first time for the same reason. it was just after I had found out about the breakup,' you confessed, relieved that you were finally beginning to make sense of everything.

he climbed onto the mattress and positioned his knees next to your closed legs, leaning his hands on the wall behind you so that he was hovering above you.

'I'm sorry that you lost that opportunity. let me make it up to you,' he whispered with his face mere inches from yours and then kissed you. losing all self-restraint, you immediately pulled his body closer so that he was straddling you. after all these months filled with sexual frustration and just frustration in general, you were desperate for his touch. your hands wandered under his dance shirt and you were finally able to touch those abs you had been secretly admiring for so long.

you broke the kiss to take off both of your shirts and changmin skillfully unclasped your bra.

while his tongue was exploring the insides of your mouth, his hands were kneading your breasts, occasionally rubbing and pinching your hardened nipples. you felt his hard dick press against your lower abdomen as he grinded himself into you to get friction.

after having dreamt about this moment for so long, you felt impatient. this was too good to be true and you were scared that if you didn't act quick, your bubble would bust.

without thinking twice about it, you pulled down the hem of his sweatpants and boxers just far enough so you could easily reach inside and whip out his dick. you stopped for a moment to admire his length. it looked even better than you had ever imagined in any of your wildest dreams.

he sat upright, leaning on the wall behind you, while you stroked his cock. he was sensitive to your touch and not shy to show you how well you were doing by responding with moans.

'fuck, y/n. you're doing amazing.' his praise made you eager to show him just how good you could make him feel. your lack of experience was barely noticeable as the adrenaline flowing through your veins was guiding you.

you tapped his thighs to signalize him to inch closer. that way your mouth had easier access to his dick. you hesitantly licked up his length and were fascinated by how he tasted. wanting to have more of it, you swirl your tongue around his pink tip. changmin eventually became impatient and forced more of his dick inside your mouth so you tried to take as much of him as you could but your gag reflex made it difficult for you. instead, you worked your hands where your mouth couldn't do its job.

not wanting you to feel neglected, changmin reached behind him to stimulate your clit. he skillfully started rubbing all the right places and you moaned around him, sending vibrations through his cock.

he couldn't take this stimulation for much longer before he had to force himself to pull out of your mouth.

'wow, you almost made me come there.' he panted heavily. 'but I want to be inside you first.' you got lost in his touch as he placed a long kiss on your lips but a sudden thought brought you back to reality.

'wait, I don't have a condom,' you informed him embarrassed. you hadn't planned to lose your virginity any time soon so you hadn't bought any. did that mean the end of this wonderful dream?

but changmin laughed light heartedly. 'no need to worry. hold up, let me get some from my room.' you relaxed again as he disappeared and came back shortly with a condom wrapper in his hand.

you were prepared for him to start right away and took a deep breath in preparation but he didn't do anything.

'I don't think it's a good idea to start yet since I haven't even prepared you. the last thing I would want to do is hurt you so just lay back.'

he positioned your legs over his shoulders so your hips were hovering in the air. you felt his warm breath against your vagina before he drove his tongue inside you, seeing for himself how wet he had made you and tasting your arousal. you clasped your hands over your mouth to stop yourself from releasing any sounds.

'don't do that. I want to hear how good I make you feel,' changmin complained.

when he slid two fingers inside you, you couldn't hold it in anymore and let out some kind of aroused squeal. you felt self-conscious but it seemed like changmin was only more eager to please you.

at the same time, his tongue was abusing your swollen clit and it was impossible for you to hold back the curses that were spilling out of your mouth. the pleasure he was making you feel was a whole different sensation from anything else you've experienced before.

'more please, changmin!' you begged. you wanted more. you needed more. you needed him.

he carefully lowered your hips back down. 'are you sure you want this?' he asked you, waiting for you to clearly consent to having sex with him.

'I want you. you, and only you,' you reassured him and brought his face closer to kiss him. changmin's typical bright smile formed and you felt the butterflies in your stomach go crazy.

he positioned himself at your entrance, swiping his dick between your folds like a credit card to coat it with your juices.

you gripped his arms tightly as he pushed in. he slowly continued until all of him was buried deep inside you before stopping. the feeling of a whole penis inside of you was very different from your or changmin's fingers. it filled you up to the brim and was rubbing all the good spots. while it initially caused you a bit of discomfort, it wasn't overwhelming and it also felt good in a weird way.

when your walls finished adjusting to his length, he began to steadily move his dick in and out.

changmin intensely studied your face. he couldn't believe that after all those years you were finally close to being his. he wanted to savor every single expression you made while he was inside you.

you wrapped your legs around his torso, trying to push him deeper. he slammed his cock back inside you.

'you are mine,' he declared and started going harder and faster.

'I am yours,' you confirmed and wrapped your arms around his neck to pull him in for a kiss.

because of the extensive foreplay and your own masturbation prior to this, it didn't take long until your walls were tightening around his dick and you felt an orgasm approaching.

driven wild by you clenching around his cock, he thrusted into you even faster. you rested your sweaty foreheads against each other as both of you almost came simultaneously.

changmin kissed the top of your head before he pulled out and threw away the used condom. you opened your arms and he let himself fall right into your embrace.

'I know this might be kind of weird to talk about right now but do you want to be my girlfriend?' Changmin asked you. he still wasn't too sure what all of this meant for your relationship and he desperately needed to know where your mind was at.

'after having liked you for all this time I'd be an idiot to say no.' 'you're an idiot anyway,' he teased. you slapped his arm.

'hey! I'm not the one who ignored you for a couple of months because my hormones are out of control.' you hid your face in the crook of his neck, too embarrassed face him.

'I'm really sorry for that. you just mean so much to me and I didn't want my feelings to get in the way of our friendship.' he stroked your hair.

'I do understand that. if I hadn't heard you moan my name today I wouldn't have acted on my feelings either. but all is good now, right?' 'right.' you smiled and placed a small kiss below his ear.

'there is still one thing you need to do,' changmin tried to remind you. you looked at him, puzzled.

'what do you mean?' 'younghoon,' he hinted. you immediately started looking for your phone. that date was definitely going to have to be cancelled. there was no need for you to find a distraction anymore since you had been granted your wish after all.

[stockholmdolly]

Thank you for loving ME

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x reader

Warnings: swearing? betrayal, Steve and Nat being assholes (yup, this blog is a We hate Steve&Nat blog lol) Bucky’s kind of angry at life.

Word count: 2,601

Summary: Two people with nothing in common, one is a socially awkward Y/AGE old who lives a content life, no friends and definitely no complications; the other one is a man running from his past, avoiding friendships and relationships for fear to being hurt again. They’ve been living next door to each other for 6 months and know nothing about the other, well, except her, who knows all about his sexcapades. But life has a funny way of sneaking up on you. Who would've thought, it figures.

Author’s note: Hello fanfiction world, it is me! Stockholm Dolly. Did I start a new series without finishing the previous one? Hell yeah, but I almost finished with the other one and I posted ahead of scheduled, so I’m on time. Happy reading solecitos. Face claim: my wonderful friend @majo240820​​, I didn't want to use some model of IG, but I’ll change it every new chapter.

English is my 4th language and all mistakes are my own confused mind hahaha

I. 6A & 6B

Y/N’S POV

Walking to my apartment I hear my neighbor screaming, great, another one-night stand gone wrong, by this time I don’t know how this 6B guy hasn't already slept with the whole town, I’m not judging, he can do whatever with his body, but he is so rude to them, he always throws them like they are garbage and insult them, I mind my own business but…thin walls, I hate it.

Trying to open my door I hear the next door open, still with my head down, I don’t want to drag attention to the “all mine” neighbor, when his lady friend says:

“Fuck you Bucky, you said I was the most beautiful girl you had seen in a long time and want to keep me forever”, said the girl in front of 6B’s door. 

“Come on Stacy “

“I’m not Stacy jackass, I’m Stephanie”, she snorts leaning against the door frame to put on her shoes.

“Stacy, that’s what I called you”, he rolled his eyes, obviously tired of the drama. “I'm sorry, but honestly, if you believe all the nice words all the guys tell you, you are going to be in a lot of beds with who you think is your Prince Charming”. A strong slap is sent his way. 

There’s silence and my dumb keys chose that moment to fall from my hands. I was sweating a lot feeling sorry for Stacy…Stephanie.

 “What are you looking for, 6A?” Bucky said.

“I…I’m sorry, I wasn't, I’m not looking at you” I hate how shy I can be around strangers. I’m not a people person, so I feel really awkward when I’m the center of attention.  

“You’ve something to tell me? “, he said.

My mind was torn between telling him no or finally calling him for all his absurd noises at ungodly hours of the night.

“Actually yeah", verbal vomit it is, "I think you’re an idiot and if you plan to sleep with the entire town, you could at least be polite to them, you know, and pick some decent time when your next-door neighbor, who have to work early, don’t have to spend the night hearing your moans and pointless “love confessions”.” I will pay for this moment of bravery.

“Aww Peach, are you jealous? If you want some of this", he says gesturing to his body, "you just have to ask, you know?” says the little shit biting his bottom lip.

“Oh my god, are you serious? I’m sorry Stacy I tried to defend you but I can’t deal with 6B for more than 5 minutes”, I said as I picked up my keys and opened my door.

“I’m Stepha..whatever, bye jackass, you can choke on a dick and die”, she turned around and started walking towards the stairs. 

I took that as my cue to enter the safety of my apartment, it’s been already 20 minutes since I arrived. My dad must be freaking out by now without my “I’m here” text. I closed the door before 6B could say anything else, I’m really tired, I just want to put on some nice PJ’s and pass out.

My apartment is nice, I have two bedrooms, one is my makeshift dance room and the other one is my bedroom. I have a beautiful view. The only downside is…6B. He moved 6 months ago, and that day my torture began, I believe I’m paying some cosmical karma for not helping my mom with the dishes when I was 10 y/o, but it’s been 6 months, I don’t know what else I did do to deserve this. It’s the parties on weekends. I'm not uptight but I work from 14 to 21 hours almost every day. My only day off is Wednesday, and most importantly I need 9 or more hours of sleep every day or I will have a bad migraine the next day; the moaning, panting and chanting of names through the night, almost every night, at this point, I’m more worried about him and the ladies he brings, maybe they have unknown sexual diseases, I'm always thinking about names for new STD’s when I’m awake listening to their sexcapades, maybe 6B or peaches (although I don't want to ruin peaches for everyone), I'm still thinking of names, I was still thinking about the events of the night when my phone starts ringing…my dad, I forgot to send him the message. 

“Hi dad”, I reply in the sugariest voice I have. 

“Y/N did you see the time? Why aren’t you at home? I agreed to give you your space and independence but you have to tell me whenever you are at home”, he sounds really worried, I don’t blame him, I’m a Y/AGE woman living by herself, even in this nice neighborhood you never know.

“I’m sorry dad, I had a run-in with 6B and one of his lady friends”, I said. 

“That deadbeat neighbor? Did he say something to you? I told you he’s a basket case. Hopefully after his 6 months contract the landlord kicks him out, with all the complaints about his noise, I feel hopeful”, he said.

“Come on dad, we must be nice to everyone, we don’t know what he’s going through”, I hear my dad sigh and he stays quiet for a while. 

“Monkey, you’re too good for this world, there are people who will not change no matter how good you are with them” 

“Okay, I’m going to bed. See you tomorrow dad”, I hung up before we fight about how I always see the good in people and how I love to give everyone a second chance.

I started my nightly routine, shower, dinner, skin care, reading for a bit and sleeping. That’s life, you may think it’s boring but I’m happy with it. I made peace with myself a long time ago. Working with dad is one of the simplest things, maybe I couldn’t get to finish my Uni but I’m working, I’m making my own money and living on my own, it is a simple life but I can't ask for more.

BUCKY’S POV

“Fuck”, another day, my head hurts, I feel nauseous, hate hangovers but it’s the only way I could go on with my day without thinking of them. Them, how a friendship of so many years ended this way, there’s only one word that can describe it…BETRAYAL. They both play me like their fucking toy for so many years, they both knew how I felt about them, I was always there for both, through thick and thin, heartbreaks, crushes, tutoring, available 24/7. Didn’t act on my feelings because I loved them both and it was better to have them as my friends, they both knew how bad I fell for the other…Steve knew I was in love with Natasha and vice versa; they always encouraged me to tell the other my feelings, til one day, when I was supposed to meet Steve at his house to study for our finals. His mom let me in as usual, I was like another son to her, I was about to enter Steve’s room when I heard…moaning, at first, I thought he was jerking off, typical of Steve, but then I heard a woman say “I bet you're never going to feel this with your little crush, James”, she said.

“Fuck, Nat, you’re such a bitch, my little redhead cockwhore, I’m cumming baby, where do you want it?”, Steve growled.

“Inside me daddy, fill me up”, said the voice that I now knew was Natasha.

I was in shock, but for some reason I couldn’t move, I was there, just listening to their moans, with tears in my eyes, I should have turn around and left, but I stayed there, and the final nail in the coffin was what they said when they finished their deeds, “hurry up Nat, Bucky is coming to help me with my Math test”, I clearly heard. 

“Ugh, Steven, when are you going to ditch him, he’s so annoying, I can’t stand him anymore, with her heart eyes to you and me, always following us around like a lost puppy”.

“We need him babe, without him we were never going to graduate, only these last exams and we’re free from uni and him, finally”.

“You’re right baby, just a couple of weeks, I love you Steve”, that made me move, I ran out of that house and out of their lives forever, of course they tried to contact me the first weeks, they needed me to helped them study, they missed their toy puppet, but I ignored them since that day. They took the hint, and stopped calling and texting. I graduated and left New York, the damage was already done, after that I couldn’t trust anyone anymore, not for friendship and even less for a relationship. 

My only regret is leaving my family, my parents and sister never knew why I ran away. I pushed everyone around me, I didn't want anything related to that part of my life. I needed a way out and when they accepted me at the job I currently have without as much as a zoom interview, I knew it was my excuse to leave. I came here 6 months ago. I'm working in a publishing house. I hate that job, it's not even what I studied, but I need the money to live.

The one night stands tho? They are an easy way to let out all my stress and needs, I’m still a human being you know. I started going to bars and clubs picking up willing men and women and I’m alright, I promise myself I'll never let anyone in again. I don’t need anyone to break my heart or betray me again.

” Damn, it’s already 9.30”, I hurry the hell up, no time for a shower just a quick breakfast and off we go. 

This town is quiet, I mean everything is quiet if you compare it to NYC, but I needed to leave, I don’t want to see them again. 

I arrived and my boss immediately made eye contact with me. I tried to avoid him but it was too late, after all I should have arrived at 8:00. “Barnes, can I see you in my office?”, he said.

“Sure, thing sir”, I hate him, he’s about my age and he is my boss, I walk to his office and enter, everything is well decorated and so neat, I almost envy him. 

“This is the second time this week you’ve late Barnes”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, I had an emergency”, I said while rolling my eyes.

“I don’t care, it’s the second time this week, I’ve given you too many warnings, I’m going to have to let you go”

“Alright, it’s not like I want this job anyways”, I just wanted to get out of there, if he fucking fire me, why is he giving me a lecture.

“You’re going to get paid for this month, good luck on everything Barnes”

I left his office, went to my desk and grabbed the things I had and walked the fuck out of there. Stupid job, I didn’t want it, it isn’t what I studied, ugh, I need a drink or three. After all, I don’t have to get up early tomorrow. 

NO ONE’S POV

Bucky went home, had a quick bite to eat and went to the first of many bars that night. He was a loner in general, but when he was drinking, he liked to pick up fights with everyone looking at him the wrong way. 

And that’s what happened, someone asked for him to move one seat, he didn’t want to, he pushed the guy away and shit hit the fan, they ended up kicking him out of the third bar of the night, bloodied and barely with the ability to walk.

He walked home without a girl for the first time in months, but drunk out of his ass. He stumbled all the way to his apartment, made it to his floor and that’s when this story begins, how two people with nothing in common learned to accept themselves, forgive the past and probably make a future.

But life isn’t a fairy tale…there are no always happy endings

[yesimwriting]

hi, i love all your work! could i please request headcanons for what it'd be like to go from being enemies to lovers with nikolai lantsov.

thank you:)

A/N maybe i moved this up on my request lists bc i woke up today and went 'nikolai lantsov'

--

- i'm being a little liberal with cannon bc my mind first went to 'princess! reader who hates nikolai bc they're competitive and then they have to team up together to try to get their parents to break up their arranged marriage but fall in love in the process (this might be a little undetailed but i'm thinking of writing a full fic or mini-series with this plotline so let me know if you'd be interested!! i could see a smutty ending to that fic but idk,, lmk what you thing ig lol)

- Ok so first off enemies to lovers with the loml nikolai lantsov would be SO GOOD bc he's so dramatic and obviously attractive so even though you hate him you know he's hot,, there's never a dramatic realization that he's attractive bc it's just a fact

- butttt you'd rather give up any claim you have to your family's throne than feed his already gigantic ego

- okk but lets get to the beginning of your enemies to lovers relationship

- so basically every summer your parents go and stay with Nikolai's family at this super fancy vacation home bc your parents are both royalty and your kingdoms have a very healthy relationship

- just bc it's the summer season doesn't mean it's summer vacation,, so as children for about a month you two share a tutor,, and when i tell you that created a rivalry so fast i mean it

- you're not the eldest princess and you're always trying to be the best for your parents approval, nikolai just wanted to impress the really smart girl who had a pretty laugh (poor nikolai lol,, he had no way of knowing how important being the best in school no matter what was to your self esteem)

- maybe if you two could communicate you’d like each other a little better at this point but it starts when you’re pretty young and by the time you’re like 13 it’s a solidified dynamic (and 13 year olds are the MEANEST and most insecure people in the world so that’s when your relationship turns to full enemies)

- now that you’re 13 you have more princess-y requirements, especially over the summer. So when you see that Nikolai gets to practice with swords and gets more free time while you have to practice setting tables you hate him more than ever. 

- Nikolai senses that you’re extra hostile but he has no idea why,, he tries asking once but he makes a joke about how ‘maybe you’re jealous bc youre no longer the center of my attention’ and even though he’s just trying to ease the tension you feel like he’s making fun of you

- so that’s when things get aggressive, but at that point summer is almost over so it’s whatever

- next summer comes and you’re still SO MAD at him,, so when you get to the estate you’re like ‘i’m not even talking to him idc how quiet these next three months are’ 

- and you get there all determined to hate him,, but once you get there and see him something in you cracks bc he had the audacity to spend the last year going through puberty AND LIKE HE’S ALWAYS BEEN CUTE BUT THIS IS SOMETHING ELSE 

- so youre mentally panicking bc how do you even talk to someone that looks like that now???? but then you remember that you didnt even want to talk him so in a panic youre like ‘maybe i can avoid him and he’ll just assume it’s bc i hate him bc i do,, who cares if he’s unbelievably hot now’ 

- nikolai doesn’t assume anything, he just gets to the estate and is like ‘why hasn’t she insulted me yet?? is she suddenly too good to give me attention?’ so during the lessons that you still share he gets an idea

- he decides to one-up you in everything bc that’s always gotten a reaction out of you 

- it works,, every time he corrects you or steals an answer from you, you’re ready to snap but then you look at him and take in his stupidly perfect face and  you just shut up 

- nikolai thinks it’s not working so he just tries harder

- by the end of week one you can’t take it anymore so when the tutor leaves at the end of lessons you snap, you tell him off for how often he’d repeat what you said and change a few words and get all the praise from the tutor

- on the inside he’s like ‘took long enough’ but the more you rant he’s like ‘is she okay???’ he’d be more concerned if you weren’t threatening his pride and at this point he’s still annoyed bc if you were that annoyed you should have just talked to him instead of ignoring him for a week

- he’s thinking that just bc you got really pretty over the last year doesn’t make you too good to yell at him on the daily

- the worst thing anyone can do to nikolai is ignore him LMAO (lowkey relatable)

- so he starts arguing with you and you’re so upset that you forget about how aggressively attractive he is 

- and you two are alone in this room and the more you argue the closer you two get

- the climax of the argument is when neither of you are yelling, you’re just so mad you’re beyond raising your voice and once you’re both at that point it goes like this: 

“Nikolai Lantsov, you are the most insufferable person I’ve ever met” 

“Well then, Darling, you should look in a mirror.” 

“You are so entitled, so ridiculously self obsessed that it ruins your attractiveness.” 

“...” he literally just like blinks twice. “You think I’m attractive?” 

“Uh? No--i didn’t say that at all, maybe if you didn’t have the language comprehension of a child you’d understa--” he just reaches forward, grabs the collar of your dress, and kisses you. 

- it’s your first kiss so you have no idea what you’re doing and it’s with some one you CANT STAND and you’re so mad bc you had expectations for your first kiss and he’s taken that from you--but the thing is,, 

- he’s good at it. Like really good at it. Like so good it makes you curious about what he does the nine months of the year he’s not stuck here with you bc there’s no way he hasn’t had practice. 

- but you’re also extremely confused and nervous and aware of how stupid you’re being (and a little hormonal bc being 14 isn’t easy) and then he places his hand on your cheek and that snaps some sense of reality into you bc it’s one thing to enjoy the kiss but another thing entirely to want him to escalate it

- so you place one hand on his chest and push him off of you slightly. He takes the hint, pulls away enough to look at you and then you two just stare at each other 

- your hand is still on his chest and you have absolutely no idea what comes next, but you find yourself looking at his lips

- since you haven’t slapped him or pulled away more than a few inches he thinks maybe things are okay so he leans forward slightly and kisses you again. 

- you reciprocate a little too fast, the kiss lasts two seconds before thinking about how insane you’re being so you push away entirely. 

- He lets you go,, and in the most awkward display ever you’re like ‘uh I need to go,, i can’t be late to ball preparation lessons’ and you leave that room faster than you’ve ever left a room in your entire life. 

- the next day you consider pretending to be sick to avoid him but that would only give him more power over the situation so you go,, and he’s just sitting there calmly

- youre on edge the entire day but he never even jokes about it

- a part of you is a tiny bit annoyed bc who kisses you and then pretends it never happened? but overall, you’re relieved 

- the days pass and it never comes up but now whenever you two argue you think of how quickly kissing him both shut him up and got rid of your tension 

- the summer goes by quickly, your usual dynamic has returned and you wonder if he even remembers kissing you. twice. in a row. 

- the next couple of years are normal,, even when you two no longer take lessons together you still dont like him. He’s just so assured and he takes such joy in bothering you. 

- and then one summer your parents sit you down and they’re like ‘we need to plan the future alliance of our kingdom’ 

- you’re a little confused bc you’re rarely allowed to sit in on these things bc you’re a girl and you’re basically meant to just be a royal’s bride--and then you realize why you’re there. 

- you start protesting before your father can finish announcing your engagement 

- the parents were smart bc they announced it at the end of summer so you two couldn’t drive them crazy or conspire

- the first thing you do when you get back to your castle is write to him for the first time ever 

- your letter is basically ‘pls tell me you’re doing something’ 

- the two of you talk until you come up with the plan to get your parents to break up your engagement 

- your parents dont really care about your feelings and they expect the two of you to argue with them,, but they care about the kingdoms

- so you two decide that if you act like youre so in love that you let your duties slip the engagement will end,, especially if you two are in love in a toxic way 

- so the next summer you two make sure to flirt and act like youre totally obsessed with each other and skip lessons together and just are constantly together and acting like you’re on a honeymoon

- your parents are like ?? since when 

- at one point you flirt with a random guard just so Nikolai can have a ‘jealous outburst’ while your families are strolling through the garden 

- ngl jealous nikolai had you ready to RISK IT ALL,, you were ready to drop the plan and marry him on the spot 

- he notices bc he notices everything about you and when your family walks away he gives you a quick kiss and youre stunned,, much to his delight 

- your desire to break up your engagement takes a slight backseat in your mind bc you decide to set off on a secret goal to make him flustered

- it doesn’t take much, your dresses get a little more risky, your comments get a little more suggestive

- the only problem?? he seems to have his own personal goal and it’s to make you even more flustered than he is

- soon the two of you are lost in layers of pretend and competition

- when your parents are finally thinking about delaying the engagement and keeping you two away from each other until you calm down a little (i feel bad for them,, an entire summer of being surrounded by the ULTIMATE sexual tension) 

- you’re sad and you don’t know why bc this is what you wanted, but then Nikolai stands up and says that you two planned for this and he has the letters to prove it (he was ready to drop the receipts LMAO) and youre like ??what are you doing?

- and he says he’d rather marry you then never see you again bc now all he wants is to get know you bc he has no idea how he wasted so much time arguing with you 

- and you just meltttt but your in front of your entire family and his as well so you just sit there for a minute and then you tell him you feel the same way 

- but the summer’s over

- you kiss him before leaving and he says you’ll have to visit bc he can’t go an entire year without seeing your ‘pretty face’ 

- you promise to visit him soon

- your at home for exactly a day and a half before getting an invitation to visit him 

- you laugh bc the only way that letter could get to you that fast is if he mailed it before you even left 

- you say yes obviously,, and spend some time having a really cute fall-dating vibes together until you figure out how you really feel 

- and you feel like he makes your heart STOP and that’s why you hated him,, bc you didn’t like being vulnerable 

[elliesguitarstrings]

The New Girl ~ The Date

Peter Parker x Stark!Reader

Masterlist || Series Masterlist

Warnings: a few swears, fluff ig lol

A/N: ITS FINALLY HERE!!! so the series is technically done but i thought it would be cute to do a one shot of the date since it would be hard to describe just in texts lmao. i’m so so so sorry this took me so long to write i had absolutely no free time on spring break and then i had exams so i wrote this extremely fast pls don’t judge if this is bad but i hope you enjoy anyways 🥰

this can be read without reading the series first but it might make a little more sense if you have read all the parts :)

~~~~~~~~

The last bell rings in your 7th period class, signaling the end of the school day, and you immediately jump out of your seat and make your way over to Peter's desk.

"You ready to go Parker?" you ask excitedly.

"Yeah, I have to grab some books from my locker first before we leave though," he replies, packing up his stuff.

"Okay, but this time I'm coming with you. I'm not letting you leave me waiting again."

"You're never gonna let me live that one down are you?" he smirks.

"Nope," you giggle, "now hurry up, we've got a date."

After you stop at Peter's locker you take the short walk down to Delmar’s. It isn’t awkward per se, but you can tell that Peter is nervous. So in an attempt to ease his nervousness, you take his hand and intertwine your fingers with his as you walk. Unfortunately, this only results in him completely forgetting how to function and his face turning as red as a tomato. Nonetheless, you continue to drag him to the sandwich shop and Peter quickly regains composure for the rest of the walk.

When you arrive, Peter walks up to the counter, greeting Mr. Delmar.

“Hey, Mr. Parker! The usual I presume?” the man smiles.

“Yup, and a bag of chips with that please.”

“You got it!” Mr. Delmar turns to you, “And who might this young lady be? You got a date kid?”

Peter immediately blushes, his eyes widening. Saving him from embarrassing himself, you speak up. “I’m y/n, and yes, this is a date. Peter said this is the best sandwich shop in Queens, so I thought I’d give it a try.”

“Well he’s not wrong, this is the best sandwich shop in Queens. So what’ll it be for you?”

“Oh, um, I’ll just have the same thing as Peter. Chips too please.”

“Coming right up. And don’t worry about the cost, it’s on the house today.” he winks at Peter.

“Oh, thanks.” Peter says with a sheepish smile.

After a few minutes and some small talk between you and Peter, your food is ready. Mr. Delmar hands Peter two bags and gives you both a knowing smirk. “Alright, you kids have fun on your date. Try your best not to weird her out too much Parker.”

Peter laughs, clearly embarrassed. “Yeah, um, I’ll try. Thanks Mr. Delmar.”

As you walk out of the shop, Peter hesitantly turns to you. “So, um, I was wondering if you wanted to come over to my place to eat our food? It’s not too far from here and my aunt is at work right now so we’ll have the place to ourselves.” His eyes widen, “Not that we’d be doing anything! Just because she can be a bit overbearing sometimes and I don’t want her to like, ask a bunch of questions or anything weird like that. We can just eat at a park somewhere if that’s better though. I just thought since last time we hung out at your house this time we could hang out at mine-”

You cut him off, smiling, “Peter, calm down, that would be great! Let’s go to your place.”

He lets out a relieved sigh. “Awesome, okay! Um, it’s only like ten minutes away so just follow me.”

You arrive at his apartment a few minutes later, out of breath from trying to catch up with Peter who was practically running the whole way home. He unlocks the door and you follow him inside. His apartment is quite small, but it's homely and welcoming, filled with lots of pictures and decorations.

"So, uh, this is it. Do you just want to eat on the couch? Maybe we could watch a movie or something?" Peter asks.

"Sure! Sounds good." You settle on the couch in the living room, taking out your sandwich and chips while Peter turns on the TV. He grabs the remote and makes his way back to the couch, sitting on the opposite side as you. He considers sitting right next to you, but he's afraid that it would make you uncomfortable, so he decides against it.

"What do you wanna watch?" he asks as you hand him his food.

"How about a Star Wars movie? Those are always good." you suggest.

Peter turns to you excitedly, "You like Star Wars?"

You smile, "Of course I like Star Wars! It's like, the best movie franchise ever."

Peter just stares at you, looking completely astonished. He can't believe that you, a beautiful, rich, confident girl, could like Star Wars as much as an awkward geek like him. "You good?" you giggle.

"Yeah, um, I'm fine. Does Empire Strikes Back sound good to you?"

"Sounds great! Now let's eat, I'm fucking hungry." you comment, making Peter chuckle.

You're only about twenty minutes into the movie when you both finish your food, and Peter seems tense. He's anxiously tapping his foot on the floor, seemingly too focused on the movie whenever you look his way. You can tell that he's thinking about something, but you aren't sure what. For the first time today, you start to get nervous, worried that he isn't enjoying the date. He's barely talked to you since the movie started, and he's sitting on the complete opposite end of the couch as you.

"Is everything okay Peter?" you finally speak up, your curiosity getting the best of you.

Still avoiding your gaze and staring at the TV, Peter answers, "Yeah, um, I'm good."

He's obviously lying, but you choose to ignore it for now, "Okay, just checking." Maybe he's not feeling well from his food?

After five more minutes of silence, you finally break. You reach over and grab the remote, pausing the movie, causing Peter to finally look at you. "Hey! What was that for?"

"Peter, something's obviously wrong with you, you've been glued to the TV this whole time and you haven't said a single word to me."

"I'm, uh, I just really like the movie. That's all." he responds, still avoiding your gaze.

"Come on, I know that's not true. Something's up with you Peter. If you aren't enjoying the date just tell me and I'll leave. We can just pretend this never happened and we'll be friends." you deadpan. While you seem completely indifferent on the outside, you're desperately hoping that he doesn't end the date like this. You really like Peter, and even though you just met him, you don't know if you'll ever see him as just a friend.

Peter looks up at you, frantically shaking his head. "Nonononono, that's not it at all! I'm having a great time!"

"Are you sure? Because it really doesn't seem like it to me."

"No, trust me, I am. It's just, um-" he pauses.

"It's just what?"

He looks down. "Nothing, nothing. Nevermind."

"Peter, just tell me. Please?"

"I, uhm, I'm just nervous, that's all." he whispers, feeling ashamed.

You let out a sigh of relief, your own nervousness fading. "What would you have to be nervous about Peter? We're just watching a movie," you giggle.

He begins to ramble, "Well, its just, you're really pretty and I really like you a lot and I don't want to do anything wrong since I already fucked it up the first time and I wanted to sit next to you and cuddle while we watch the movie but then I didn't want to make you uncomfortable because this is only the first date and I didn't want you to hate me because you thought I was some weird perv who just wanted to touch you and I now feel stupid because now you think I'm not having a good time even though I am having a good time so I still fucked it up even though I was trying really hard not to."

You raise your eyebrows, trying to process everything that he just threw at you. "Woah, that was a lot," you start. "But you don't have to be nervous, I don't think you fucked anything up... And also, I wouldn't think you're a perv if you came and cuddled with me while we watch the movie." you smile slightly.

Peter catches on. "Oh... so, um, do you want to cuddle now then?" he asks timidly.

"I thought you'd never ask," you laugh, crawling over to his side of the couch and sliding under his arm to snuggle into his chest. You can feel his heart practically beating out of his chest, and you look up at him. “Peter, relax. You really don’t need to be so nervous,” you giggle.

“S-sorry, I’ve just never cuddled with a girl before.” With the way he was acting, you would think you and Peter were about to have sex, or that you were at least doing something a little more dirty than just cuddling. You don’t mind though, it's actually kind of cute. Plus, to be completely honest you haven’t had much experience either, so you feel better knowing that Peter is just as nervous as you are, probably more.

You smile, cuddling closer to him. “Just turn the movie back on idiot.”

For the rest of the film, you and Peter snuggle close on the couch. He absentmindedly plays with your hair as you lay on his chest, making your heart swoon. You two could honestly stay like this forever, and neither of you would mind. But your phone dings with a notification. You groan, not wanting to get up, and slowly reach to the other side of the couch to grab it.

“It’s my dad, he wants me to come home for dinner.” you frown.

“Oh, well, um, okay. Then I guess you should probably get going. I really don’t want you to leave though.” Peter blushes.

“Neither do I, but you know how my dad gets.”

“Yeah,” he chuckles, “I’ll walk you out then.” You and Peter both get up from the couch and walk to his front door.

“I had a really good time today.” Peter grins.

“Me too.” you step closer to him and pull him into a tight hug. You pull back after a few seconds, your arms hanging around his neck and his still on your waist. You smile, “I really like you Peter.”

“I really like you too Y/N. So much.”

Without hesitation, you both lean in and close the small gap between you. The kiss is short, but it’s not awkward like everyone says first kisses are. Peter’s lips are soft against yours, and it makes you warm inside, like hot chocolate on a cold day. It’s perfect.

You pull away only when you hear the door unlock and open. “Hey Peter, what do you want for dinner- oh?”

“MAY!” Peter yells, embarrassed.

May smirks, “You didn’t tell me you had a girl over!” she turns to you, gasping “You must be Y/N! Peter has told me so much about you. Oh my god, am I interrupting something? Is this a date? You guys are using protection right-“

“May, please stop!” Peter pleads as you giggle, both of you blushing profusely.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’ll leave you two alone. I have to go to the grocery store anyway, so just pretend I was never here.” May winks.

You shake your head, “Oh, no worries, I was just leaving actually, my dad wants me home for dinner.”

“Oh, well alright then, goodbye Y/N I hope you two had fun! And I also hope I’ll be seeing you again soon!” she smiles

“I think you will.” you smile, “Bye Peter, see you at school tomorrow.”

“Bye Y/N, see you tomorrow!” he grins, still blushing.

You walk out the door, giddy and reminiscing over the kiss that you and Peter shared mere minutes ago. As you leave, you can hear May questioning Peter about the date, and you can’t help but smile knowing that May is already in support of your relationship. Although you and Peter haven't explicitly talked about it, you're almost positive that Peter would want to be your boyfriend, and you know for a fact that you want to be his girlfriend. But you don't want to pressure him into anything, so you decide to wait for him to ask you, whenever that will be. You just hope it'll be soon.

~~~~~~~~

Taglist: @justafangirlduh @spookybooisa @pure-ghost @hufflepuffzutara @marvel-ousnesss @ithoughtyouweresokovian @onewithnomightypowers @stefans-wife @liljennyx3 @perspectiive @popluckbih @ehggowo @itscaminow @so-very-asleep @herondalism @peterspideysense @bxbble-gxm0 @voilawind @allaroundtheworldme @marajillana @rafeyybabyy @ph1na @roseke @amywinehouseisgod @yasminwashere @lou-la-lou @lilliagradiewrites @bichellejones @anna-sofia @hermione-grangers-wife @hollandstanevans @peterpcrker @doctor187 @libbyeaston @305weasley @generalhugzzz @clara-licht @spicyangelx @mskatharinak @ietss @givebuckyhisplumsnow @wintersoldierslut @singerintheshower @yazzyu @sherlockmarvelharrypotter @minghaos-lines @themarvelousb @ifilwtmfc @deviljoonie @icant-hangout-imdrumming

[kikis-writing-world]

The Reason

The Reason

Summary: You can’t sleep as you near Moff Gideon’s ship, but neither can Din. He wants to tell you about what happened on Morak.

Pairing: Din Djarin x GN!Reader

Word Count: 1.9k

Rating/Warnings: SPOILERS FOR CHAPTER 15!!!! Other than the spoilers, it’s all fluff and no editing lol. But seriously, if you’re avoiding finding out what happens in Season 2, Episode 7 / Chapter 15 of The Mandalorian, don’t read this yet. It takes place after, and there’s talk of what happened during the episode.

A/N: It seems like every freaking week I watch the episode and tell myself “don’t write something. Everyone will be writing something, you don’t need to add in your silly fic too.” (Not to say I don’t enjoy reading them, but I just always feel like I won’t be adding anything new.) Well, this week I said fuck it and cranked this little ditty out this morning after the new episode. I hope y’all like it.

Edit: Follow-up drabble here

You sat silently beside Din as the ship - not the Razor Crest that had become your home over the past months, but Boba Fett’s ship Slave I - travelled through space. If the coordinates were right, you were heading into what was sure to be a hard-fought battle but it would be worth it. It was all to get Grogu back.

You willed yourself not to cry as you thought of the little green child you’d come to think of as your own. What he must be feeling right now. Alone and scared while they did unthinkable experiments to him. You’d cried several times since he’d been taken from your care, sick with worry over him. You were sick of crying. Soon would be the time for action, for getting him back.

Fennec and Dune were both sleeping on the opposite side of the bay. You tried to sleep, knowing you’d need your wits about you when you reached Moff Gideon’s ship, but sleep wouldn’t come. Sleep was hard to come by lately.

A whisper to your left surprised you. The low, modulated voice speaking your name. You had thought he was also asleep, reserving his strength for the battle to come. You should have known he’d be struggling to sleep too.

He nodded his head to the side as he unbuckled the harness keeping him secure in the seat. You nodded as you unbuckled your own and followed him to the darkened corner of the hold. You waited for him to sit in the corner, knowing he liked to have his back secured and a view of the room. Instead, he gently led you into the corner and sat with his back to the others. You were too surprised to ask, you followed his lead and slid down the wall to sit on the floor.

He hadn’t said much of what happened on Morak, but you hadn’t been expecting him to. You’d learned long ago he wasn’t one for unnecessary chatter. There were times he tried, for you and the kid, helping to fill the silences as time passed on the ship. Hearing him strain, pushing the boundaries of his usual comforts to ease the minds of you and his foundling, was one of the ways he snuck into your heart.

It wasn’t easy loving The Mandalorian. He was so used to being alone, both physically alone and having few people to trust. It took a while, but you earned that trust. You knew you had. You also knew he cared about you in his own special way. He would take your hand in his larger gloved hand to avoid losing you in a crowd. His hand would squeeze yours when you were visibly anxious. A hand on your shoulder, your back, or your hip as he passed you in tight quarters. Leaning his forehead against yours anytime the two of you parted.

To most these fleeting moments wouldn’t look like much, but you knew the stoic Mandalorian didn’t give these touches lightly. That his keldabe kiss was just as precious as any lip-to-lip contact.

You didn’t fully understand his creed. He answered questions when you asked, but a lot of it didn’t make sense to you, an outsider. Even so, you never pushed him to break it or put him in a position that made him feel like the creed was in danger.

“I know you’re worried,” his voice was quiet. The crackling of the modulator even more prominent as it tried to broadcast his hushed tone. “We’ll get him back.”

“I know.” You nodded, looking down at your crossed legs. If anyone could rescue Grogu, it was the man sitting across from you.

That large gloved hand entered your vision, resting lightly on your knee. A small smile broke through your worry at the man’s attempt at comfort. You placed your hand over his, feeling the warmth of him through the smooth leather.

“I-” He started to speak before stopping himself. While it wasn’t unusual for him to search for his words, he usually did so before starting to speak. By the time he spoke, he was confident and sure in what he had to say. That short, clipped syllable caught your attention in how different it was. He was trying to tell you something, but still wasn’t sure how.

“What is it?” You gently prompted, squeezing his hand with your own.

“On Morak…” He sighed.

“What happened on Morak?” You asked after a beat.

“I did what had to be done.”

His answer confused you. You knew that already of course, but it also sounded like he was trying to convince himself as well as you.

“I know that. You got the coordinates. We’re going to find the kid because of you and Mayfield.” You smiled at him, praising him for the success. It was easy to overlook the triumph when it was just a stepping stone to a much larger problem.

“I had to…” He looked away from you as he once again searched for the words. Your smile dropped a fraction with his unease. “I had to take off the helmet.”

You didn’t know what you were expecting him to reveal, but it hadn’t been that. You knew that he had taken the helmet off months ago, but that had been a life or death situation. No one had been around, just the IG droid who had treated his wounds and saved him. This was a mining refinery full of people. Full of imps.

“Are you okay?” You asked, moving your hand from where it was resting on top of his so you could grip his hand fully. “What happened?”

“I-I had to.” He stuttered. “The terminal had to scan my face to get the coordinates.”

“Mando,” you didn’t dare speak his name - something he had shared with you in confidence - with others around. “Are you okay?”

He nodded once. Relief filled your body. You foremost worry had been for him, and how he would have felt to have broken his life-long creed. You supposed with the explosions, anyone who would have seen his face was likely dead. Unless Mayfield had seen him.

His hand slipped from yours as he brought both of his hands up to the sides of his helmet. He started pushing it up and your eyes widened as a sliver of skin was revealed. You surged forward, covering his hands in your own to stop him.

“What are you doing?”

“I want to. To show you.” He explained. His voice came in this awkward mix of his natural timber through the bottom of his helmet and the modulator still trying to pick up his voice. You could see his chin move as he spoke. Your heart was racing. It was the most you’d ever seen of his face.

“You don’t have to.” You told him firmly.

“I think… I think there are reasons to keep it on, and reasons to take it off.” He spoke slowly, like it was something he had been thinking about. You thought of the Mandalorians on Trask who claimed the creed was outdated. You thought of Boba Fett in the cockpit, who wore his newly-polished armor with the pride of a mandalorian despite being without it for years. Thought about him revealing his face for the information needed to save his foundling.

“I want to show you my face.” He told you, his voice unwavering. It was the surety, the confidence you had grown used to from him. “I want to show who I am to the one I love.”

Your breath caught in your throat at his admission. You knew it in your heart, but he’d never said the words aloud to you before. You bit your lip as you felt the tears welling in your eyes again, this time from happiness instead of grief and worry.

“Okay.” You breathed, barely able to find your voice.

With your hands still on his, he lifted the helmet, revealing his face inch by inch. You held your breath as he was slowly revealed to you.

The scruff covering his jaw. His plush lips. The mustache over his mouth. His aquiline nose. His deep brown eyes. His shaggy dark brown hair. He set his helmet in his lap as your eyes scanned his face.

Wow.

You hadn’t realized you had said that out loud until his eyebrows furrowed. That was new. You were used to guessing his emotions through his body language, his tone of voice. Now you had facial expressions to read. He was waiting for your reaction and you hadn’t given him much to go by.

“You’re gorgeous.” You told him. It was the only way you could think to describe the ridiculously handsome man sitting in front of you. You were almost mad at him for hiding his face away for this long.

His lips quirked up in a lopsided grin, a single dimple appearing in his cheek. Maker, you thought he’d already taken your breath away and then this-

“Come here.” He ordered. His natural voice was deep. Rich. It sent a shiver down your spine.

“Huh?” Your brain wasn’t processing. It was in some kind of overloaded state. Din’s face. Din’s voice. Din’s beautiful brown eyes that you could simply drown in.

His hand was on your cheek, pulling you into him. You gasped, holding your breath as his lips brushed against yours. You had dreamed of this, but not a single one of those dreams lived up to the real thing.

He was hesitant, clumsy even as he kissed you. His lips were chapped against your own, the stubble on his cheeks tickling your skin. He smelt of sweat and blaster fire, of fresh air and leather. Maker, you could melt into the floor of the ship never to be seen again and you would have been happy with the life you had lived.

“I love you.” You whispered against his lips. You felt him smile in response.

You brought your hand up to his cheek. Feeling the lines of his face with your hand, you trailed your hand to his hair. It was damp with sweat but so soft. It felt amazing between your fingers.

“Where’s Mando?” A voice across the bay shocked both of you, the two of you shooting away from each other as if you’d been burned. You felt like a teenager who had been caught making out by your parents. You looked over Din’s shoulder as he pulled the helmet back into place - his strategic placement of the two of you making sense now. Not only did he not want them to see his face, but he trusted you to have his back. That thought made your heart speed up even more than it already was.

You saw Fennec shaking Cara awake. Luckily she hadn’t looked in this direction yet. Had Cara woken first, she likely would have seen the two of you.

“Sorry, we’re over here.” You admitted, trying to calm the heat in your face. It was dim in the hold, hopefully they couldn’t tell. “We were talking, didn’t want to wake you.”

“You should be sleeping.” Fennec told you,  leveling you with a gaze that truly did make you feel like you’d been caught doing something wrong by a parent.

“I should be sleeping.” Cara grumbled, cranky for having been woken up for no reason.

“Come on. We’re all gonna need to be at our best.” Fennec said, ignoring Cara.

“She’s right.” Din admitted, standing up and offering you his hand. You took it, letting him help you to stand. “Let’s try to get some sleep, cyar'ika.”

Tagging: @wickedfrsgrl​ @din-damn-djarin​ @thisisthe-wayson​ @insideafictionaluniverse​

[messyyythoughts]

intel gathering, a bad batch meeting you preference

30.08.2021 - I had to rewrite this due to a bug, it's back up now and all finished! :) summary: an idea on how the bad batch met you (this will be one of many lol) during the Clone Wars, and subsequently recruited you, feedback much appreciated! warnings: light descriptions of sex work (dancing, flirting, striptease), men being men ig ._. nothing crazy, enjoy my loves!

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. The Clone Wars. It hadn’t affected your little world very much at all really. You had the and routine that you’d had for years now. Wake up sometime in the afternoon, do your little daytime jobs, get ready for work later in the evening, arrive at work for the night and get down to business. You were a dancer, see, at a club in the less respectable part of Coruscant. The city-wide planet. You hadn’t been born here but you had to admit you loved it. It had an air of importance no matter who you were. Even the scummiest characters felt as if they played a part in the daily workings of Coruscant.

Even you played a part. A bigger one than someone may think at first.

You had a little secret, a hidden talent, if you will. You had a remarkable mind that allowed you to pick up on minuscule bits of information and piece it together to make a whole picture. All you needed was one look at someone and you could tell where they were born, how old they were, what they did for a living. You were like a master of people watching. Some may call it lying, or overthinking. The truth is you just knew how to be observant where others weren’t.

This skill of yours made for great fun when new prospective clients wandered into the club and you needed to figure out if they were any good. Were they going to pose a threat to you and the other dancers? Did they have enough disposable income to be paying the dancers after they’d done their work? You could garner all of this from a single look, a few seconds of eye contact. Sometimes the dancers made little competitions backstage in the dressing room on how quickly you could suss out the clientele for the night. You usually beat their estimations every time.

So, when five rather unusual clones strolled into the club one night, straight past the burly bouncers and into a VIP booth right in front of the main stage, the dancers came rushing to get you. At first, you didn’t entirely believe them, you had to be honest, the sound of five clones just waltzing in was a bit far fetched. The Clone Wars hadn’t touched your little bubble, why had it decided to pop it now? Curiouser and curiouser you became, eventually finishing your makeup for the night and getting into your outfit for the night. You were due on stage in a few minutes and needed a plan.

You sent one dancer to inform the DJ of your arrival and queue up your song of choice as another dancer helped you shimmy into a floor length flattering evening gown with elbow-length gloves to match. You were already dusted in body glitter to make you shine under the spotlights, all you needed was a smile and a wink and you were ready to go. You positioned yourself on stage as the other dancers prepared your entrance. A heavy velvet curtain was currently obscuring the crowd’s view of the main stage, allowing you to be perfectly revealed to them in spectacular fashion. Once the other dancers had given you the go ahead, the DJ began playing your song and the curtain fell away.

Once the crowd realised it was you, applause thundered across the club, men and women alike coming to watch your infamous show. The music was bumping across the club, drowning out any conversation and obscuring any that weren’t meant to be heard. There were movable steps at the front of the stage that you delicately descended, once you were clear of them, two dancers swooped in and removed the steps. Not that anyone saw it as they were all entirely transfixed on you. It was just you, the music and those five clones sat in that VIP booth that you had so swiftly avoided after coming down from the stage.

With practised elegance you walked across the floor, body in time with the music, sometimes lip-syncing the lyrics for a bit of fun. You chose tables at random and paid delicate amounts of attention to the people sitting there. One table held a group of younger men who clearly had the money to spend an entire evening with you, their suits were from a tailor in the more respectable parts of Coruscant, and they smelled of expensive cologne. You were familiar with the scents coming from them. You grew bored of them and decided to taunt a lone woman at a single table. The spotlight followed you diligently. The woman was excited at having your attention and flashed you a dazzling smile. Still, you needed to get closer to the five clones who had been following you across the floor with their eyes since you appeared.

As the song came to a close, you found your way across to them. You did one last twirl as you undid your evening gown, but in those few seconds where you faced the VIP booth, you had a closer look at the clones. The one on the very left seemed to stand out the most to you. If you saw him walking in the street you’d pin him as a strange one. His skin was a sickly pale colour, maybe he had recently recovered from an illness, he had no hair on his head. His eyebrows were brown, full and strong. His facial bone structure was very pronounced. His eyes were a light hazel, very beautiful to gaze at, you decided. He had little metal parts in his head, they glimmered in the spotlight, that’s how you’d noticed them.

‘Odd’, you thought, but then you caught sight of something beneath the table. A prosthetic arm. It made sense to you now, and as you made a millisecond of eye contact you realised that this clone was embarrassed by your attention. So, you moved it onto someone else. The next clone you laid eyes on was a timid looking creature. He had goggles over his eyes and an odd haircut, he was more awkward than uncomfortable. His hair was a soft brown colour, his eyebrows shared this colour but were less strong than the previous clone’s had been. They shared the same hazel eyes, however. He seemed completely uninterested in the entire situation and was tapping away quite contently on a datapad in his hands. Fair enough, not everyone was as sex-crazed as some could be, but he'd still chosen to accompany his group here... so maybe he was interested. His armour was also more white in comparison to the black and grey armour of his companions.

But, the clone in the middle? Oh, he was interested alright. 'Hungry for more' might describe the look in his (also) hazel eyes. Speaking of his eyes, you surmised that they probably scoured at people a lot even as they roved up and down your body, practically mesmerised by the dress. But his face told another story. A crosshair tattoo adorned one eye and a toothpick rolled between his teeth as he took you in. He had grey hair, which caught your attention. His eyebrows did not share the same colour, they were the same as his companions’. You guessed that if he could get up and leave his companions to get to know you, he would, but his own arrogance was stopping him.

Similar to this clone, the one next to him was showing a keen interest in you, his posture was entirely relaxed. One arm was slung over the back of the booth and his mouth smirked at you as you studied him. If you had to guess, you'd say he really didn't mind being here in the slightest, in fact, he was probably enjoying it the most. You'd bet credits he suggested going here tonight. His hair was a darker brown, it suited him, and his eyebrows were straighter, less harshly shaped. His eyes were hazel too, if not a bit more on the green side. Half of his face was covered in a black skull tattoo, and by the Maker did he look good with it. A red bandana kept his hair out of his face, clearly a well-loved accessory by this clone by the look of the fabric.

Finally, on the opposite end of the booth sat a rather physically impressive clone. He rivalled the bulkiest bouncer that worked at the club by far, and could barely fit in the booth, hence his position on the end. He had a scar on one side of his face that seemed to have resulted in his right eye being a different colour to his left. He shared the hazel eyes of his companions. His eyebrows were the unruliest by far but you wouldn’t have them any other way. It seemed like it suited him. The dumbfounded look in his eyes but open posture told you that he was happy to be here but unsure of what was supposed to happen. You were sure that underneath that armour he was just as muscly and able to snap the next guy that you looked at in half. He had no hair on his head, maybe due to that scar...

It had been mere seconds since you had approached the booth and you had your information, already mid-spin and undoing the dress for your grand finale on stage. With that, you winked at no clone in particular and covertly signalled the DJ to play another song so you could continue the ruse of being a dancer who was doing their job.

You picked your way back to the stage and made a show of getting up there in your tight evening gown and eventually received ‘help’ from two prepositioned dancers. They joined you in helping you ‘undress’ much to the amusement of the crowd. Finally, they left you and you undressed, finally giving the crowd what they had waited for. The other dancers watched on in awe from the wings as you captivated the club again with another performance of lip-syncing and acting. You did one last song in the newly revealed outfit that was daringly revealing but also very flattering and sensational before the curtain rose from its place on the floor and hid you from view. Whooping and whistling and clapping erupted from the club and you smiled devilishly at the awaiting dancers in the wings. “Well,” You began, walking over to them, “I think we’ve got some troublemakers on our hands.”

As you entered the dressing room the dancers that were available gathered around you to hear the information. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. "So they're clones, right?" One young dancer with recently cut hair asked. They were perched beside you on the vanity, listening intently. "They are, but they're different, they don't behave like other clones." You were getting ready to go home for the remainder of the night, the club getting less and less populated as the night went on. "Strange," Another dancer added, "they seemed to be acting like any other man to me." Agreement rose from the dressing-room and you chuckled. "That's why I am the intel gatherer, not you lot." Another wave of agreement went around the room and you all found yourselves laughing. Only you could garner so much information from a couple seconds of visual contact. As the night got later and the club closed, some dancers departed and others were still packing up. It had been only a few minutes since you stopped discussing the clones when you sensed someone lingering, and whistled to silence the dressing-room. A whistle from you meant utter silence and everything stopped. You caught movement from the hallway that made you silently slip off of the vanity, you grabbed your self-defence keychain that was on the table. Only in a robe and heels, still dusted with glitter, you entered the hallway and found the five clones waiting there. How the bouncers hadn't thrown them out yet, you weren't sure. Another whistle from you alerted the dancers that the situation had been resolved and you heard the chatter start up again. Your self-defence keychain still remained in your hand and you met eyes with the clone who had the red bandana and the skull tattoo over one half of his face. Just like you'd told the other dancers. "Can I help you?" You asked with a hint of warning in your voice. You'd had to fight off plenty of strange people walking home after work before, and you'd lived to tell the tale so far. "You're the woman who came over to our table earlier?" Bandana asked, his voice rough as gravel. "I am." You replied with arms crossed over your chest. "You were only there for a few seconds, but it proved enough to tell the entire dressing-room about us and our jobs. That's rather impressive." Goggles spoke, the datapad now nowhere to be seen. "We like to gossip." You replied with caution. They knew something, didn't they? "You're also an informer for the Jedi Council about matters to do with the war, aren't you?" Skull face said slowly, as if revealing a great secret, probably because he was. Your lips couldn't help but transform into a tight smile as the words were spoken. So, they knew about you, they were here tonight for a reason. An interesting development, to say the least. "What if I was?" You challenged, leaning against the wall. "We would benefit greatly from someone with your skillset, I've done the calculations and-" Goggles was cut off by the tall, lean and moody one. He'd had a toothpick in his mouth earlier. "Speak for yourself, Tech," He drawled, "we work just fine on our own." You suppressed an amused smile at the sniper's comment and let the others talk. "We're offering you a place with us to help the war effort on behalf of the Republic," The pale one offered, "so what do you think?" Your eyes scanned them all again and you found yourself truly torn between the decision before you. Leave the club and the family you'd found for the war which you really had no idea about the state of? It would mean you were more than just a dancer with a knack for entertaining. You'd be fighting and working for the Republic, actually doing something with your life other than being an object to a load of sad men. "Sleep on it, make arrangements or not, we leave here in three days, you can either come with us or stay here." Bandana declared before all five of them filed out of the club's back exit and said no more. You loosened the grip on your keychain and returned to an almost empty dressing-room. You searched underneath your vanity with a

hand and found a listening bug underneath, you stared at it for a moment and found yourself leaning towards the offer to join the clones. You had three days to decide, so you crushed the listening device under your heel and finished packing your things up. You had a lot of thinking to do. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. messyyythoughts © 2021 do not translate without my permission, give credit if you repost, support always welcomed <3

[doienseatee]

One with the Star

GIF IS MINE

Pairing: Doyoung x Reader

Genre: Strangers to Lovers, Fluff, College

Note: I’ve been having a hard time for the past week so it took me a while to finish this and be satisfied about it so forgive me for that matter. Writing this became an escape for me from my problems so I hope you’ll understand the delay. I didn’t proofread this yet so there might be a lot of grammatical and typographical errors ahead. Thank you so much for the likes in chapter 1 and I hope you’ll enjoy this chapter as much as you did with the previous one. Do leave a like or comment below because it really means a lot to me and your simple heart uplifts my mood. Thank you and enjoy :)  Word Count: 2.1k 

Summary: You developed a crush on the school band’s vocalist and somehow got close with him when you friend, Jungwoo, joined them. You’re too shy to make a move and so you are more than happy to be friends with a star like him. 

CHAPTER 2

previous chapter

next chapter 

It was a Monday morning when you were on your way to watch Jungwoo's 1st day of practice with NCT. You didn’t have any morning class and you accomplished everything on your to-do list so you can enjoy observing them (and listen to Doyoung's heavenly voice again and again) Suddenly, you remembered what happened last week and although you'd like to indulge yourself with the adrenaline rush when he followed you on Instagram, your notification didn't let you. 

"@do0_nct is now following you" 

was immediately succeeded by 

"@eh_ovo_nct is now following you" 

"@_jeongjaehyun is now following you"

"@onyourm_ark is now following you" 

Soon realizing that the entire band followed you and not just Doyoung. Well, as much as you were disappointed, you focused on the fact that they followed you! Isn't that great? So you followed them back immediately and you were happy and contented to be mutuals with them on IG. 

Going back, you are now in front of the university's music room and you are hesitating to knock the door for some reasons. You suddenly felt shy for being there and barging in their practice session when you're not even a part of the band. However, your train of thoughts were interrupted when the door opened revealing Doyoung inside and both of your eyes widened when you saw each other. 

"Hi!! How long have you been standing there?" he asks with his gummy smile on his face that ignited the butterflies on your stomach.

You had nothing else to reply than "not too long ago" to put up a facade in front of him that you're all good and so he proceeded to escort you to the room only to be surprised that it's just the both of you that are present. Apparently, they're all running late and not picking up his call so he was about to look for them that's why you met in the doorway. At this point, you're now shaking on the inside because you're alone with your crush but of course, he didn’t notice since you were hiding it. You were thinking about how you should’ve just arrived with Jungwoo or how you should’ve just came late to avoid being alone with Doyoung. 

It’s not that you were uncomfortable being with him but more like you didn’t want to embarrass yourself in front of your crush so you tried to calm down and be as “normal” as you can when he apologized in behalf of his bandmates for being tardy. It was nothing to you since Jungwoo was running late as well but the fact that you’re alone with him on a Monday morning does make you feel things. 

He then started calling the members one by one to let them know that the both of you are in the practice room already but Taeyong and Mark still weren’t answering for some reasons while Jaehyun suddenly cancelled because he had a make-up quiz that he totally forgot. So you called Jungwoo as well to check up on him because you haven’t heard news about him since you woke up and he was just telling you how excited he is for his 1st day of practice with NCT the night before, so his absence was making you worried. 

It took you 2 attempts before hearing Jungwoo’s morning voice so you assumed that he just woke up therefore you told him that “you’re late! I’m already here in the practice room!” and you heard him curse a little bit and start fumbling through his things to “get ready” and told you he’ll be there as soon as possible before ending the call. You just sighed and said sorry to Doyoung for your tardy friend but he just shrugged it off and said sorry as well since his friends are late as well —missing in action even. 

So now, the awkward silence (for you) was back and you didn’t know what else to do but that’s not the case for Doyoung since he offered that you can take a look around the practice room and make yourself comfortable while you wait for the others. You accepted the offer since you were itching to roam around the room the moment you entered but you were just shy to ask if you can so thank God, Doyoung suggested you to do so. 

It wasn’t a big special room unlike what you see in those dramas that are provided for the elites in the school, it’s spacious enough for the instruments and for the little lounge area for the band. It had drums, electric and acoustic guitars, bass, keyboard and synths, 5 mic stands, a 5-seater couch and a table. It also had a shelf for trophies and photos that made you curious more than anything else in the room (aside from the man observing you) so you looked at him with eyes asking for permission if you can check them out to which he nodded and to your surprise, he joined in you looking because he wants to “relive the moments” according to him. 

The first photograph you talked about was a photo of them in highschool with their original member who recently graduated college and was replaced by Jungwoo and he went by the name Taeil as per Doyoung. It was the group’s first stage performance as their school’s band and the eldest was in 11th grade followed by Taeyong in the 10th, Doyoung as a 9th grader, Jaehyun in the 2nd grade and Mark as a freshman. They all looked young but you’ll be lying if you said that  Doyoung won’t catch your attention back then because he still looked charismatic just like now (or you were just genuinely whipped for the man, who knows?) He just laughed at how young they looked and how puberty wasn’t on their side back then and although you beg to disagree, you just laughed with him to avoid being suspicious if ever you say that he still looks good even in high school. 

The 2nd photo he pointed was the group’s first time to win a championship in an inter school competition and they finished off as the first placers. They were all smiling from ear to ear with a trophy and medals and their arms were linked to one another. You could feel the happiness of that moment through the photo and you wished to see a version with Jungwoo in it in the future. You also felt butterflies in your stomach when you saw how happy Doyoung was and you just wanted to give everything that the world could offer to see that kind of smile on him again. You went back to reality when you heard the man of your dreams speak and tell you that it was such an amazing experience and you just agreed because obviously they enjoyed that moment based on their faces. 

You were about to move on to look at third photo when his phone rang and showed that Taeyong was calling and so Doyoung excused himself to take the leader’s call. You went on and took a look at the photos alone and even without Doyoung explaining the context, you could easily tell the stories behind the photos through the settings. One was in Taeil’s high school graduation, another was in Taeyong’s and then  another for Doyoung’s and then Jaehyun’s and the most recent ones were Mark’s and Taeil’s respective graduations. You then realized that the group wasn’t just a band and that they are now home considering how long their friendship has been. You then thought how it is an honor that Jungwoo is now part of the group and you just hoped that they would all click with one another and not leave your friend out.

You snapped back to reality when you heard Doyoung’s “well then, see you later i guess” and their exchange of “bye” with each other and you concluded that the morning practice is cancelled. Right after, he approached you while saying that Taeyong couldn’t make it right now because he was procrastinating a project due later that afternoon and that Mark had an emergency at home so he would be gone for the entire day. He just sighed and said “sorry” for all the troubles and something along the lines of “so much for Jungwoo’s first day” but you assured him that it was totally fine since Jungwoo himself was running late. Afterwards, you offered to message Jungwoo and notify him that the practice for today was postponed and he doesn’t need to rush anymore. All you got was a “Ok”, “Thanks”, “Sorry” and “See you later” from him. 

Disappointed wasn’t the best term to describe what you’re feeling at the moment but your excitement definitely dissolved into thin air when you grasped the situation and thinking of all the sleep you would’ve gained more if you didn’t come early but on a brighter side, at least you got to know the band’s history and most especially Doyoung. The little time you spent together made you a bit more comfortable beside him (and fell for him even more)

As you were about to say goodbye to him, he went on and asked if you would like to grab some snacks with him. You still had time before your first class and so you agreed in a heartbeat soon realizing that you’re basically having a snack date with your crush. How crazy right?  Of course, you tried to be as cool as you could while you were walking with him on your way to the cafeteria. It’s a good thing that he never runs out of topic so there was no dead air between the two of you. 

When you arrived at the cafeteria, it’s obvious that many people recognized him. Of course, he’s the school band’s main vocalist, he’s somehow well-known but unlike in the dramas, no one’s glaring at you for being with him. It’s like no one paid attention to you but in a good way and you were relieved because of that and you just thought that you were overthinking things so you went on and asked him what he will eat. It’s not like the cafeteria had a wide variation of food choices so the both of you just ended up with a big slice of pizza, fries and iced drinks. 

You spent half an hour finishing your food and it was longer than usual since you were chit chatting with Doyoung the entire time that you didn’t notice the time.From your highschool memories, to their competition stories, to academic stuff, his hobbies and your past times and all that he could ever think of were all discussed when you were munching on your foods. To say the least, you enjoyed your snack date (and watching him eat like a bunny) and you loved talking to Doyoung and you really hit it off with him — as a friend, you thought. You were blessed to discover more about him and his smile was not helping you to not fall deeper for him. It was as if your budding friendship was a way for you be fond of him even more and not that you’re complaining but you were scared at the same time. 

He’s like a star that you can’t reach the only difference was that he was an inch closer to you but still hard to obtain. So you remind yourself that you need to be wary and take care of your heart even if it’s just a crush. 

It was almost time for your first class so you started to clear the table to throw away the trash and start preparing for your class. Doyoung stood up to throw everything for you and you started to say goodbye to him since he still have an hour before his class. Before he let you go, he asked for Jungwoo’s and your phone number so that he can easily reach out to the both of you in regards with the practice schedule since they kinda forgot to exchange numbers in their own group chats (might seem funny but embarrassing for him) 

On your way to your classroom, you were pondering on how Doyoung is such an easy-going person and considerate to you even if you’re not formally a part of the band. The little snack date that you had felt surreal and will surely be one of your most memorable moment with him.  It warms your heart and made you smile unknowingly but the text message you received made your heart skip a beat. 

“Hey, it’s me Doyoung. Are you up for a snack date again tomorrow? :)” 

---------

taglist: @jungwoosnoopyyy​ @staysstrays​ :) 

---------

edit: should i include the song inspiration that i use for every chapter? well, not exactly "inspiration" that the chapter is aligned with the song's message but more like what i was listening to while I write. should i? :))

--------

CHAPTER 3

***chapter 3 is now up :)

[vaguely-concerned]

The Mandalorian Chapter 15 reactions; *nobby nobbs voice* ‘s all gone a bit percychological, sir

 - so from both chapter 6 and now this: rick famuyiwa is incredible at portraying prolonged discomfort and tension (and also at getting din’s endless love for that baby across through the stress of being separated from him. this is the very first episode with no baby in it at all, isn’t it? wow that’s a heartbreaking milestone to reach im crying)

I liked this episode SO MUCH but I had to pause it pretty often and take a breather because it all made me so viscerally uncomfortable on din’s behalf -- not just the armour and having to take the helmet off and be seen for the (almost, ilu IG-11) first time in decades, people keep touching him in this episode when he clearly doesn’t want them to but can’t stop it and it makes me want to claw my own skin off in sympathy, it’s so awful. that’s really neat film making to manage to keep that tension steady almost all the way through!!! 

honestly this episode felt a little bit like psychological horror, with the cheering storm troopers and din in the wrong armour and clearly not digging it and there’s the palpable absence of baby and that ever present dread of being Perceived when you’re not ready for it; everything’s turned upside down from how it should be. and it’s playing with that discomfort both in the main character and in us, the audience, in having the familiar be made unfamiliar and also introducing these questions that shake up everything (that feeling you get of ‘but... if it’s not the helmet, and not the armour, but there’s his face, but we’ve only seen that face once before so it’s still basically new to us, is this... is this still him. is this still Dad’ (oooh I wonder if we’re... sort of getting some of the ??? the baby would be feeling about it too?) we’ve all imprinted on that t-shaped visor like little baby birds, and this was a very clever episode to break us out of that and start to really get used to the thought of him having several faces that are real simultaneously, in a way, and not just a voice. it’s all very smart and interesting and I’m sure I’ll have a lot of incoherent thoughts about this in the weeks to come lol)    

- the actual reason din can’t take off the helmet is that if people were able to see his wide confused puppy eyes they would no longer find it in themselves to send him on long arduous side missions and would help him immediately just so he’d feel better, and that would rob us of like 80% of the content for this show 

mayfeld in this episode: clearly a casualty of this. he literally sees one glimpse of the vulnerability there and then within five seconds goes on to materialize a few redeeming character traits after being a complete jackass for an episode and a half. (I mean. he was 100% still an imperial so I’m a bit ‘hm.’ about how easily especially cara let him off the hook, but with the way it was set up I guess it would have been quite shitty of them to just throw him back in prison so I mean I GUESS. I would be endlessly grateful someone got my awkward bff out of there alive and well too I suppose)

- I actually think din’s sense/integrity of self has gotten so much stronger and more resilient (though probably still quite fragile pls handle with care precious cargo within); if this had happened in the first season I think it might honestly just have killed him (and if it weren’t for IG-11 it probably would have lol)

- can you beLIEVE din is so bad at lying that they literally should plan for contingencies over it fjkasdlhfskajdhfsdj     

- very grateful for the scene with the spear throw that’s basically there to reassure us ‘uh-huh, he absolutely knows how to use it, don’t worry about that part at least’

I want to make a whole post about that fight scene, though, it’s just so GOOD! there’s so much storytelling and characterization in it! even out of the armour din has some real hand to hand MOVES!! he clearly came out of that aching all over, he can barely get back in his seat!!!

- so what I’m mainly taking away from this is that din absolutely cuts his own hair and you know what? he does a good job considering the conditions he has to work under, I love him  

I still find it so goddamn darling that he meticulously maintains that little mustache/stubble combo under there even when there’s every reason to believe no one will ever see it 

I suppose we can also gather that he did not ask cobb about whatever insane feat of magic he’s come up with to avoid helmet hair, but I don’t care looking a bit frazzled and tousled is exactly right for him (he’s so put together when he’s in the armour and a MESS when he’s out of it and I  l o v e  it) 

- boba fett is honestly so fucking hot in this I don’t know what to do with myself haha. he’s so CALM and CALCULATED and COLLECTED in his newly painted armour and he’s GOT THIS and he made that ‘I’ve got one of those faces. one of jango’s many, many, many faces’ joke and he’s so thicc now, he looks like he could easily lift me over his head with one hand and he’s just quietly steady and undramatically supportive and sdalfhsdjhfsa 

- ...din does know who the clone troopers were, right. I mean of course he does. he has to. but does he though. I’m sure he does and just wasn’t thinking. 

- no matter how stressful it was I’m still really grateful that in the end taking the helmet off was something din got to do himself -- it’s under some duress, but it’s still his choice and for the sake of the baby, and almost in two more manageable steps between putting on the storm trooper gear for a different helmet before taking it off altogether. it’s not something done to him by gideon, for example, that would be. so much yuckier and worse. he still has that control and agency intact, even if it’s been tested really hard, and now gideon doing that doesn’t hold the exact same nightmarish power anymore because there’s already a little space opened in din’s mind for different things it can mean, if you see what I mean. I’m not sure I see what I mean actually I just have a lot of feelings haha. so I guess thank you mayfeld for being decent about it and helping him towards that realization that he can still be himself outside these really really inflexible structures he’s set up around himself for like. stability and keeping himself upright for a really long time, and that even someone halfway decent won’t disrespect the boundaries he still has about it at any given moment. man there’s a lot in this episode isn’t there

- the sigh din gave when he saw even more pirates coming and knew he had to get back up... never has a single moment in cinema better captured how I feel about being alive. most relatable man in the world din djarin

- it was really cruel of them to make me listen to din’s dead bleak voice say ‘the child is gone’ again, it wrecks my heart every goddamn time 

- again... I wish carano wasn’t Like That in real life because the cara & fennec scenes should have been everything I could ever dream. ah well fennec was still wonderful and if I just allow myself to think in-universe for a few seconds it was really touching that din would entrust cara with his entire armour, that’s some prime BrOTP energy right there

I love that we got two female characters who were just allies and working together, no competition or nothin’. listen the bar is low but it’s nice to see something actually leap gracefully over it as well lol

- this was one of those with some pretty big open plot holes (why, exactly, would a scan of a completely unknown face be helpful to get into this classified system lol), but a) I don’t care, the emotional storyline was so sound it doesn’t really matter and b) eh handwave handwave let’s say mayfeld programmed that little stick with the good shit and overrode the code saying there needed to be an identity match within the system, it’s all fine 

- I know I joke a lot about this but din really is one of the most relatable characters I’ve ever had. just watching him struggle with eye contact and going pretty much nonverbal under enough stress is like. wow a bit close to home there could we, perhaps, nOT?? (honestly though these are trauma/anxiety things I really don’t see portrayed a lot, especially in protagonists, it’s so odd but healing to see it in a character I love and who’s EXTREMELY competent in many other settings)

- din repeating gideon’s speech back to him word for word (except for the crucial detail that he calls grogu ‘him’ instead of ‘it’ 😭😭😭) and saying nothing else is truly Everything. I’ve said some stuff about din’s deliberate and thoughtful relationship to language in the past and this is such an amazing example of it; he’s remembered that pitch perfect all this time, he’s kept it around in his head and mulled it over and then redeployed it to change the meaning of it completely from dehumanization to love. can you. can you even imagine. and it’s yet another example of his hilarious wonderful petty streak and I can never get enough of it fasjhdfkjalhs    

- din always noticing the children first and foremost Y_______Y (the kids running by is the only thing you see him sort of acknowledge when he’s walking into the covert in season 1 too)  

- please... please I just need him to be able to hold that baby against his chest all safe and sound and okay again I can’t it’s........ hh

NO SEASON END CLIFF HANGER ON THIS I AM  B E G G I N G  YOU 

- I would be having some thoughts about how much space there actually is on slave 1 and what that might mean (do not kill boba again please don’t kill him again), but honestly there’s only ‘GET BABY’ hours in here now, I can’t speculate about anything

[magioftheseas]

Soft Trauma

Summary: Komaeda wakes up, runs away from Hinata, but is caught by Naegi. Among other things.

Rating: T+

Warnings: Hospitalization, severe mental illness, suicidal thoughts/tendencies, some mentions of blood, just pretty messy medical stuff all around. There’s some rough kissing too Ig.

Notes: I’m pretty sure this fic was started in like...2013. 2014. It’s very, very old. I decided to finish it for kicks. Because it’s so old, dr3 just isn’t a blimp and it uses SHSL instead of Ultimate. So old. It’s Komaegi/KomaHina and very angsty. Have fun.

***Alternate Ao3 Link***

Commission? Donate?

“Are you alright?” That person asks him, and the look Komaeda is on the end of receiving is...strange, to say the least. He wouldn’t call it particularly caring—but the concern was clear. It was...a very obscured gaze, though it almost softens when Komaeda keeps gaping at him like a lost dog. “It’s...understandable though, right? With everything that’s happened, especially to you... But it’s over now.”

“I... What?”

“I don’t know what else to say to you,” the other continues on, and the softness is gone to be replaced with his expression pinching up. Like this feeble attempt at conversation is starting to cause him pain. “I don’t know... I don’t even know if I can forgive you. Do you remember anything?”

Komaeda doesn’t immediately answer—instead staring curiously at...him. With bizarrely long locks and dull red eyes. The question he asks... Komaeda doesn’t know how to respond to it either way.

But he seems to...understand. “Right. It’s been rough. Never mind. You know what—never mind.” And annoyance sparks through his features as he almost jerks away and stops just in the middle of leaving. “You’re awake. Everyone’s awake. That’s all the matters. It’s over.”

“Over?” he echoes, and the other grits his teeth though Komaeda can’t see it.

“...Komaeda...” Komaeda flinches—because his surname sounds so dry. Like it’s something the other had been avoiding to say for a while. And though he clearly struggles with saying the rest—just Komaeda is enough to leave him near breathless—he continues. “Try and get better soon.”

Komaeda sees him walk out of the room and close the door behind him—but he doesn’t hear a thing. Was that person a ghost? With the way that person looked, it could have been a demon—but no. No, he knows that’s not what that was. Demons don’t show such care, especially for someone like him and...

--

When he remembers, he rips out his IVs and leaves the hospital room.

To where, he isn’t quite sure. He just stumbles in the direction his legs take him, holding his bandaged stump to his chest and staring at the ground all the while.

--

He’s still found, of course. But it’s not the person from before. It’s...someone else. Someone he knows but doesn’t fully remember.

“Komaeda-kun, there you are,” His sigh is relieved. Komaeda blinks the blurriness out of his eyes by the time he raises his gaze to the other approaching. Slowly. Carefully. His smile is small. Komaeda skitters back and further away. He still calls for him—but annoyance doesn’t touch his tone. Not like it would if that person—Hinata-kun—were the one to have found him. “Komaeda-kun, please. You need to get back. You’re not well.”

“How do you know that?” he asks in returns, voice too dulled to even manage surprise. “How would you know that? Who exactly are you?”

This brunet—it’s not Hinata-kun—doesn’t lose his smile for Komaeda like so many others. No, he still looks so understanding and it just makes Komaeda’s head spin more. It’s so dizzying, he might just faint and—then the other moves. And his hands are steadying Komaeda so that he doesn’t fall. Komaeda blinks a bit furiously, and for some reason, his heart is racing.

And this is familiar. He knows this feeling. He’s felt it before. He remembers that...

 “We...were in school together? We used to see each other quite a bit, right?” He remembers this—between the wretched poisonous memories of her and everything else, he remembers him. It’s fuzzy, but he recalls—though wasn’t he shorter? Softer?

He was still short. Still soft. But so bright. Was he always so bright? Wait—Komaeda picks up a few more pieces—the ones that don’t slice his fingers open and drip with his blood—and he puts them together. Back then, this person had been...

“We were almost friends,” the other says, wistfully and almost mournfully. It’s strange. He almost sounds like he regrets that almost. He shouldn’t. He really, really shouldn’t. “We were in separate classes, Komaeda-kun, but I did see you every now and then. Do you remember? You...” Here he laughs, more like chuckles a bit weakly. “You were the one who cushioned my fall when I tripped on one of the staircases. I was terrified because I thought you were seriously hurt.”

Komaeda slumps a bit and he shoves the other away, stumbling back as his hand shakily goes to the scars his hair hides. The other sees and his frown deepens as he approaches him again. Like he was approaching some scared, wounded animal. And Komaeda, really...

He wants so badly to be held.

“Naegi-kun,” he says—voice blank and empty but with trembling limbs reaching for the shorter, softer other. His voice scratches against his throat, raw and painful, but he can’t stop saying his name, “Naegi-kun.”

Naegi crosses the distance with ease and wraps his arms around him, whispering sweet condolences into his ear while he has to pretend said comfort doesn’t burn him like dabs of alcohol against his wounds.

“You don’t have to worry about that anymore,” Naegi murmurs, and Komaeda freezes when he easily puts together what that is. But Naegi holds him tighter so that his pieces don’t fall apart. “It’s done. You can move forward, just like everyone else.”

Komaeda sighs; nuzzles against him as his hand and wrist press into Naegi’s back. Naegi strokes his hair like it isn’t a knotted filthy mess thick with dust. Contrarily, Naegi smells fresh and clean—and that scent is almost suffocating.

As awkward as it is with their different heights, Komaeda buries his face in Naegi’s shoulder further. For now, the warmth is enough. For now.

--

Naegi leads him back to his room by hand—like a parent guiding their child. Komaeda keeps his head down, though every so often his eyes flicker up just enough to observe the curve of Naegi’s cheek and the shape of his slightly tilted profile. He also thinks he’d like to see Naegi turn to face him completely, and then he wonders how much he’d see if he was closer...

And he winds up so disgusted with himself his head drops back down and stares hard at the ratty shoes on his feet he used to be fond of.

“Komaeda-kun,” Naegi asks him softly as he glares down at himself. Komaeda makes a sound of acknowledgment, but he refuses to look at the other facing him. “We’re almost there.”

He hums in response, and Naegi continues. “I was thinking... I’m going to stay with you a little longer. I’d rather not leave you alone right now, honestly.”

Komaeda’s breath catches, but he only shakily nods instead of making a comment. Naegi must notice—the way his pale trembling hand tightens around his smaller, firmer one. Komaeda doesn’t have to see his face to hear the smile in his voice. “Alright then. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to tell me. And don’t worry—I’m not going to leave you unless that’s what you really need.”

You should though. You need to leave the first chance you get, Naegi-kun. I don’t need...

Komaeda can’t say that though—and the only thing keeping him from sinking is Naegi’s warm grip wrapped around him.

--

The problem isn’t the fuzzy memories of the younger SHSL Lucky Komaeda knew and then a little more... The problem is that Komaeda can’t stop thinking about Hinata.

Komaeda already tries so hard not to think about Hinata as he was in the stimulation. Hinata, who had a smile for him that disappeared as soon as it appeared—and yet he continued to approach him anyway.  Hinata tried so hard to understand even when it was clear he never would. Hinata was nothing special. Hinata was too plain, too average, and ended up far too important.

But wasn’t Naegi like that as well? Plain? Average? Far too important? But, shamefully, the main difference was...

“Komaeda-kun, I got you some water. It’s cold like you wanted.” Naegi opens the door, handing him the chilly open bottle for Komaeda’s trembling hand to take. He smiles brightly, warmly, and Komaeda wonders if the water is magnifying the blush he feels rising on his face. “Are you feeling any better?”

“Y-Yeah. Thank you, Naegi-kun.” He really is grateful, but the revelation comes as no less of a sinking feeling of dread. Naegi’s widening smile only certifies it.

Hinata-kun won’t smile like that for me anymore. But it’s not like I deserve it. Naegi-kun’s just being kind. He’s kind to everyone, no matter how awful or wretched they are. Still...

The gratitude and dread mix with something else and he begins to feel sick. Naegi responds to his thanks with a sweet comment of “it’s no problem”, but... It really is a problem. He feels sick.

He’s not going to say anything about it, though.

--

Naegi sees him and spends a lot of time with him. As much as he can. If Naegi ends up caught in something else, he still sends his wishes to Komaeda through either a letter or Kirigiri who sometimes checks up on him too. Kirigiri is nice when she relays the message but she looks at Komaeda a little too carefully—and he knows her talent far too well.

Though Kirigiri isn’t so bad to talk to—she’s good at relaying information on things Komaeda is shamefully unaware of.

“Your other classmates have been recovering well—so we don’t have to focus so much on them. Hinata-kun’s been making the process easier, too.” Komaeda nods at this, and can’t even remember if he asked for this information. Everything’s been in a blur lately. But Kirigiri continues on informingly—how his classmates have been pulling through, and how even despite the awful memories that Komaeda’s too afraid to touch, they...still manage. Somehow. Though it’s not likely going as well as it sounds.

Not that Komaeda really wants a clarification. But Kirigiri tells him anyway, and he politely listens until...

“Hinata-kun asked about you the other day.”

He freezes, one good hand clenching bone-white in the sheets as he stares down at the wrinkles bleeding through and tries to avoid looking at the bandaged stump of a wrist where his other hand used to be. After a while, he shakily asks, “W-What did he say, Kirigiri-san?”

“He asked if you would be able to leave your room anytime soon. When he should expect you to be discharged.” She reached out, smoothing the tenseness of his fist with her gloved fingers. A gesture Naegi would do. “I told him that if—when that happened, he wouldn’t have to worry. Naegi-kun would still be keeping a close eye on you, as well as the rest of the future foundation.”

Komaeda loosens his grip on the sheets, not even attempting a smile as he responds in a dull voice, “Naegi-kun really troubles himself a lot over me, as does Hinata-kun. I’d prefer it if they didn’t. But at least he won’t have to worry about it after all, right Kirigiri-san?”

“If you mean Hinata-kun, then I’m not sure about that. He still looked unsure, which makes sense. Even as I explained more thoroughly, he looked unsure.” She’s blunt in her explanations—observational and unbiased. Even if the explanation makes him feel uneasy, he appreciates that she’s so concise. “Do you want to know anything else?”

“Not really.” He’s a bit blunt himself. He gets that. “Thank you, Kirigiri-san.”

She gives him a slight smile, but it’s one that has him seize up for a moment. Because he recognizes this expression. He’s never talked to Kyouko Kirigiri before encountering her as SHSL Despair, but he knows almost instinctively that he’s seen this look. Considering who she is, it isn’t hard to figure out where.

“Is something wrong, Komaeda-kun?” The smile is gone, and she looks a little worried. Komaeda immediately shakes his head.

She’s still being kind. The last thing I should do is upset her.

“Don’t worry about it. I just... My mind went blank for a moment. Please don’t worry about it, Kirigiri-san.” He winces when he says her surname like that, and her expression doesn’t change. His heart raced with the very real possibility she saw through him anyway—but then she only nods.

“It seems we’re going to have to keep a better eye on you,” Kirigiri notes, almost sighing. “Though Naegi-kun’s optimistic about you, Komaeda-kun.”

He almost laughs at that, a smile cracking at his dry lips. “I wouldn’t expect anything less from SHSL Hope. I envy him—being able to retain such faith in someone like me...”

Kirigiri doesn’t say anything in response. But she takes the water by his stand and refills it. Then she rummages through the cabinets to find the appropriate medicine to take with it. Komaeda’s smile starts to fade.

“Here,” she offers, and he takes it immediately, swallowing down the pills with large gulps of the clean, cold water.

His stomach churns unpleasantly, but he thanks her politely all the same.

--

He ends up vomiting just as Naegi returns, and Naegi rubs soothing circles into his back and holding back his hair as he heaves over a trashcan. It helps because Naegi immediately shushes any self-deprecation that falls from his lips like further bile.

“We’ll get you something for nausea, Komaeda-kun.” Naegi says kindly, handing him some napkins to wipe his mouth off. Komaeda does so, and Naegi starts tugging him to get to the bathroom so that he can brush his teeth. Or maybe Naegi’s going to do that for him. The thought drags him down.

“You know,” Naegi murmurs as he helps him walk. “It’s alright to lean on me if you need it.”

Komaeda does. Though all it does is help him fall further.

No matter what medication they give him, the sickness never fades either way.

--

Things get worse when his dreamless nights disappear. He ends up dreaming a lot more than he wants—remembering things he really doesn’t want to think too much about.

His death in the stimulation comes up a lot—and it’s bizarre because he’d been resolute in the procedures. He wasn’t scared of dying, not if it was for a purpose. That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt—that he didn’t scream through the tape over his mouth. That he didn’t nearly choke through tears the second his lungs were filled with that poison.

That he didn’t have regrets and at the time, couldn’t stop thinking about...

...Hinata showed up in his dreams too. Hinata taking his hand as he pulled him up from the beach. Hinata fretting so much as they walked that he kept bumping shoulders with him. Hinata standing before him, looking torn with wariness and worry, and Komaeda unable to stop thinking that he might really...

Hinata with long black hair and red eyes piercing into him. Red. Red eyes. Red eyes piercing into him—red nails digging into him.

Komaeda halts his thoughts then and there and proceeds to risk overdose on sleeping pills so that he can pass out and fall into the void rather than getting dragged down there.

--

Admittedly that wasn’t the best option.

“Komaeda-kun, if you’re having trouble with sleeping, just say so!” Naegi actually looks angry—frazzled and...worried. Was he scared? It was just a few more days spent hospitalized, thankfully, and while it’s a bit disappointing, Naegi still... “Please. You have to say something when something is wrong.”

He really doesn’t understand and Naegi’s voice gets softer. “I don’t know how much you remember what happened at the academy—but I do. I don’t want it to happen again. I don’t want to see anyone go through that ever again. Especially not you—not again.”

“Naegi-kun...” His voice still sounds dead to his own ears and that just makes it worse. Naegi actually starts to shake as he reaches forward to grip Komaeda’s left wrist. His grasp is careful, wary of the bandages, and Naegi’s gaze just lowers.

“Were you having trouble with nightmares? Did you get scared?” Naegi questions these things quietly, gentle but coaxing. Komaeda feels bogged down with each soft word permeating his mind. “If you need to talk to someone, I’m here. Please. I want to help you—and I want you to want...”

I want you.

Komaeda silences him by placing a hand on his cheek, shushing him carefully, and Naegi looks eager to hear him unwind. To hear him spill everything he needs to—and Komaeda knows he’s only going to disappoint so he apologizes beforehand. “You don’t have to forgive me, Naegi-kun.”

And before Naegi can say anything else, Komaeda presses his mouth to his.

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs against Naegi’s slack, surprised lips before pulling away. “I’m really, really sorry.”

Naegi sucks in a breath, fights back the urge to bring his fingers to where he’d been kissed, and only smiles like he always does for Komaeda. It makes his heart hurt even more. “It’s fine. It’ll be alright, Komaeda-kun.”

There’s a tremor that goes through his body at those words. But Naegi’s perfectly willing to let it drop. He doesn’t say anything else and well, Komaeda won’t say anything, either.

Even though, if he remembers correctly, that was the first time he ever kissed someone. And to think, it was something he used to dream about a lot about. Having someone he would kiss—kissing Naegi in particular. Something he once accepted as an event that would never happen.

Disgusting.

--

The day Naegi insists he gets up and walks around to stretch his legs is the one he wants to stay in bed the most. But only because otherwise, he really doesn’t care as long as he doesn’t risk having to perhaps encounter his old classmates. It’s cowardly, of course, but he can’t...

He gives in but refuses to use a crutch so Naegi sticks by just a bit closer. He would have been with him anyway—no one trusts him, after all. It’s fine, as awful as it is, Komaeda likes that Naegi’s there. He’s a good stable point after all. SHSL Hope.

His lips sometimes burn with the memory of the kiss. But that was with Naegi-kun, not SHSL Hope. But Naegi-kun is...

“Careful, Komaeda-kun,” Naegi steadies him as he stumbles, sighing as Komaeda meekly apologizes. “It’s fine. I’m not mad. Just worried.”

Naegi’s always worrying about others he really should be more apprehensive of. Especially when that other is Komaeda. Considering that he still wants, no matter how much he tries to crush that yearning, Naegi really should be more uneasy than he is.

For some reason, it’s hard to say all that. So Komaeda just nods along and they keep on walking through the long, solitary corridor. The light shines in through the windows on the left side of the hall, filtering onto the tiles, and because he needs to stop looking at the ground to not look at Naegi, he glances out of them as they pass.

He stills to a dead stop in his tracks.

The first thing he notices is someone who has to be Owari, swinging her arms out and slamming them against a laughing Nidai. Even though she looked different—thinner because Komaeda remembers that she was the one who—there was no doubt it was her. They were being cheered on by Sonia, Mioda, and Souda as Tsumiki remained safely on standby tucked under the tree covers. Hanamura was given access to the grill, making what were probably lewd comments under To—the Impostor’s careful gaze. Koizumi and Saionji were chattering animatedly, and Kuzuryuu and Pekoyama were close together as well. Tanaka was more separated from them, though he wasn’t alone as he was just giving bits of food to the birds picking at the ground before him. No, not one of them was really alone.

Except. Where is...?

Souda turns to greet the upcoming presence. Long black hair was done in a braid—who did that, Komaeda wondered—and Ibuki is the first to rush up and tackle the other into a hug. He turns around to his other classmates—no, associates—and once Komaeda sees his face, his mind goes completely blank.

With his smile bright and wide and eyes shut as the rest of the group greets him and gathers around him, there’s no doubt for a moment that it’s him. Hinata-kun. He can’t hear what they’re saying or what Hinata’s saying, of course, but with Hinata’s grin on full display, he doesn’t feel like he needs to.

Hinata never was good at starting conversations, but his expressions were enough. Happy beams to let everyone know he was content—alert focus to show he was in deep thought or carefully listening. Uncertain frowns to show his worry. Gritted grimaces to challenge. Komaeda watches the emotions flicker across his face as keenly now as he did then.

That smile, though. It’s not one he’s witnessed often—mostly if not only small, almost sheepish grins accompanying shy gratitude. Ones that Komaeda could easily return back then. Back then. Now, though...

“They look like they’re having fun,” Naegi notes and it almost makes him flinch. Komaeda feels cold sweat run down his cheek as the younger gives him an easy grin that’s just like his—just like Hinata’s—and... “How about we join them?”

Hinata-kun won’t smile like that for me anymore. And it’s not like I don’t deserve it. But...

“Aren’t you going?” Hinata, looking at him warily and yet expectantly, and Komaeda could only smile. He can’t now, even as he says the same thing now as he did then.

“I’m not so unaware of my position that I can just walk out there... If I did that, I’d just ruin the mood.” The words come out easily, and he turns away from both Naegi and Hinata, staring back down at the cold tiled floor. “It’s nice that you think it’s so easy, Naegi-kun.”

“Komaeda-kun, it’s...” And because Komaeda can’t bear to hear him say how fine it is when it’s not—he just snaps.

So it ends up this way, with him pinning Naegi to the wall and desperately trying to connect their mouths together as he tries so hard to ignore the heat from the window beating down on his back.

It ends up wrong. He apologizes profusely when his chapped lips scratch against Naegi’s softer ones. But he pulls the other close when Naegi just gives his sweet, forgiving smile, and their mouths rub almost painfully together with his disgusting continuous indulgence. It’s like he’s starving and this is the only thing that fills his stomach—but the necessity is distorted into greed and at this point, Komaeda doesn’t even care if this overabundance causes his insides to collapse—he just needs.

So it’s more like a drug. A drug. Disgusting. Disgusting.

“Komaeda-kun,” Naegi sighs. Komaeda nips at his lip, teeth gently tugging at them and hands beginning to tremble as he reaches to thread his fingers through soft brown hair. “Komaeda-kun, it’s okay.”

No, it’s not. Komaeda shakes his head before pressing his mouth to his, muting anything else from coming out. Don’t. It’s not.

Naegi responds, pressing back and steadying him with hands on his shoulders. Somehow that undoes him even more—and Komaeda gives a desperate moan.

“It’s alright,” Naegi pushes him away gently when he presses into him harder, the meeting between their lips nearly suffocating even as he greedily tries to take in more. Komaeda’s breathing harshly, drinking gulps of air and trembling like an addict going through withdrawal. It’s disgusting. It must be sickening to look at.

“I-I’m...” His forehead falls into the curve of Naegi’s shoulder. His neck hurts from having to lean, but he can only pull the other closer. “I’m... I’m...”

Naegi holds him in the hallway like he did the first day, the same gentle comfort and loving condolences. He strokes his hair, careful not to get caught on any unsightly knots, and Komaeda’s shaking in his arms like a leaf. It’s too bright—the light from the window, he can’t stand looking at it.

Naegi must somehow notice because he tugs Komaeda back to his room a little later with not much else.

--

He pulls Naegi practically on top of him when he’s back on his bed, connecting their mouths and needing this far more than he needs the image of Hinata’s bright smiling face on someone with long black hair. There are other things too—how this feels like compensation for a time before all that, those memories he does have of Naegi where Hinata isn’t there. This isn’t a surprise because Hinata is not and was never an elite.

He’s nothing special. No talent. And yet.

“Komaeda-kun, enough,” Naegi parts from him, placing his fingers over Komaeda’s quivering lips. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“About what? What is there to talk about?” Komaeda asks, attempting a smile but it withers on the spot. He wants to run a hand through his hair, but doing so would require relinquishing the grip he has on Naegi’s shirt. He shakes his head at the idea, though it makes Naegi’s frown deepen a bit. “It’s impudent though, isn’t it, that I’m even doing this. It’s audacious, unthinkable, and I don’t know why I...”

“Komaeda-kun, it’s alright.”

“Why do you always say that? As much as I respect you, Naegi-kun, even I know you’ve got that wrong. It’s not alright.” Komaeda laughed, wheezy and awful and it hurt his throat. Naegi doesn’t even look afraid, not like Hinata did. “It’s not alright because I’m still here. I’m still alive. After everything I’ve done, I should be dead by now—I think I ought to be dead.”

Naegi grips his shoulders, and before he can so much open his mouth to form a denial, Komaeda continues so that he can’t. “I know what I’ve done, and...when I remembered after you found me the first time... I managed to put the pieces together. I somehow managed to piece together the full extent of what I’d done. All I ever did was play into her hands. Again. I was used by her—that person I hate more than anything...and I let her dig her nails into me and squeeze.”

She always held him so tight with silk-laced steel in her tone and hands.

And I didn’t even try to fight her—I didn’t even try. I just let her do as she wanted—helped her achieve what she wanted, I just... I just...

At some point, he just stopped struggling. He just let her do...as she wanted...

“Komaeda-kun!” Naegi exclaimed, and Komaeda was only vaguely aware of why. He was curled in on himself—arms wrapped around himself as tremors wracked his body without relent. His breathing quickened, grew heavier, and his face was wet with sweat and what might be tears. Naegi shouted his name again, and he curled in tighter, beginning to hiccup and hyperventilate.

I’m not dead. Yet he’s never felt less alive in his life. He’s choking on air, feeling like an old coat being yanked in different directions with each worn, ugly thread severing, and despite there being pain—his chest hurts, his throat hurts, his joints are starting to hurt—he’s losing more and more of himself with each passing second. Not dead. Not. I’m not dead.

He hears something. Naegi trying to get to him? But it’s dark, he’s not sure, and he doesn’t know—what’s even going on. I’m not dead. But. But... I should be. I really should be. I meant to be. I wanted...wanted...

Then he just stops thinking. It’s too dark.

--

He wakes up exhausted. The IVs are back in his arm. His body feels like lead. More than anything, he wants to fall back asleep. Never wake up again until it was better. If it got better.

But I’m not dead.

Komaeda lifted his head weakly, wiping off his forehead and blearily blinking at his bandaged stump of a wrist as it rested calmly against the sheets. There wasn’t any blood anymore—there used to be so much blood. His head really was starting to hurt. He needed to take something for that.

Oh, and something for his earlier freak-out. That probably worried Naegi. He doesn’t want to do that again: worrying Naegi...

Nae...gi.

Where’s Naegi-kun?

On cue the door opens, and Komaeda turns with an immediate smile. One that immediately falls from his lips as his jaw goes slack and curls fall before his eyes.

“Komaeda,” Hinata wets his lips, hand squeezing the knob of the door before he ultimately lets himself in, closing it with his back. “I...was told that you...”

This isn’t a joke, is it? I know you’re cruel, Luck, but this is...pushing it. I don’t like it. I’m not happy with this—this is surely bad luck and that’s not fair... But Komaeda forced a smile again, and his giggle sounded painful even to his ears. “Good morning, Kamukura-kun.”

Hinata stilled, and Komaeda saw anger flicker across his features—no, more like a kind of fury—but then Hinata steeled himself, yanking his hand through the long black locks and muttering, almost inaudibly to himself...something. Komaeda couldn’t make it out, not really. Just as he was about to comment on it though, Hinata cut him off with a snarl of his surname.

“Komaeda, just what the hell...” Hinata glared, head lowered and gaze almost glowing beneath his brow. A warning sign—one that would have been frightening considering the face. Hinata’s never made it before and, in all honesty, the actual Kamukura’s expression was threatening in a sense, sure, but more a perpetual state than anything else. Not to mention back then, Komaeda outright laughed at that face. Somehow he manages to laugh again here and it makes Hinata nearly tremble. But he doesn’t say anything, so Komaeda starts.

“You can here for something.” Even with a smile on his face, his voice sounds cold. He feels cold, too, and Hinata even froze with those crimson eyes going wide. He looked more like Hinata with that face. Komaeda’s tone grew icier. “What, exactly, was it that you wanted?”

“I...” He hesitates long enough.

“If you don’t know, then you should leave. Come back when you do, you know?” Komaeda nearly rose his arm to gesture, but stopped dead when he realized it was the wrong one. So he gives up on that and thankfully doesn’t stumble on his next words. “I’ll be here when you do. Perhaps.”

Hinata snaps out of his surprise and glowers again, and he almost reminds Komaeda of a cat in the way he puffs out with ire. It’s actually cute. Komaeda giggles into his hand and that irritates him further because of course, it would.

“I-I...” It’s strange Hinata hasn’t left yet. He usually would have at this point. Instead, it’s like his feet are still rooted to the floor, which is extra strange because Komaeda really would prefer it if he just stormed out like he always does when his tolerance for Komaeda runs low.

Perhaps he wants answers. He didn’t ask for them last time and now is the perfect opportunity. I’ll give them to him, too, if he just asks. Maybe if I make that clear, he’ll...

“Hinata-kun, if you want...”

“I was worried about you.”

Komaeda stills, expression blank with confusion. Hinata seemed to blurt that out without thinking. And before Komaeda could brush it off with an easy ‘no worries’, it was like Hinata snapped in that moment he was taken off-guard by the statement.

Because, abruptly after saying that, Hinata was shouting. “I was worried! I thought something happened when I heard about you blacking out after a panic attack and I—I got fucking scared alright?! You were out of it for days. I didn’t know if you were going to wake up! I was worried sick about you, Komaeda, and considering the shit you pulled, I really shouldn’t have been!”

Hinata spews it all in one breath and at the end of his rant, he’s panting, breathing heavily, and Komaeda can only stare at him blankly. A little bit later and Hinata chokes out an aggravated sound, covering his face with the action. He shakes a bit again, like despite allowing his outburst, that heavy weight on his shoulders remained, and if Komaeda had been in the right frame of mind, he’d be disappointed. Or would that have been wrong?

Though he does agree that, “You...really shouldn’t have been, Hinata-kun.”

“So you did know,” Hinata darkly laughs behind his hand. He really does sound tired and sick of this. It’s not an unfamiliar reaction to Komaeda—he’s seen it before in countless other people but... “You’re such a piece of work.”

Komaeda can no longer look at him. Instead he’s looked at his bandaged wrist again, lying without worry on the sheets over his lap. There’s nothing to hide anymore, he thinks. He also thinks he really needs to have these bandages replaced. “I’m...fine now, Hinata-kun. Thank you for worrying about me.”

It’s just the polite thing to say. He isn’t sure if he means it or not—not that it matters, because Hinata can’t read him anyway. He even has that much more familiar look of frustration on his face at Komaeda’s platitudes. Nothing’s really changed.

“I really don’t get you.”

But at least...

“You try,” Komaeda manages a smile, and he actually feels it’s a bit more genuine this time. “That’s more than I can ask for.”

“Just like with Naegi-kun, right?” Enoshima sing-songs. “You’re still so desperate for affection, Komaeda-kun.”

...wait.

Enoshima giggles brightly from where she was laying her head upon on his bed as Komaeda turns slowly to look at her. She smiled up at him, continuing cheerily. “Some things never change. In fact, isn’t this situation exactly the same?”

It was the same. Exactly the same.

“First Naegi-kun...” Naegi, who was nice to everyone no matter how wretched they were. Naegi still smiled for him even now.

“Now Hinata-kun...” Hinata was smiling so brightly with everyone else earlier. He’ll never smile for him like that though, never.

Enoshima’s smile widened, her index finger tracing shapes into his thigh. “Even though you went through the trouble of opening up to another person, the result is still the same. Isn’t that a shame?”

It wasn’t just random shapes actually. She was tracing letters. She was spelling it out.

“But now you have two people so I guess it isn’t all bad. Naegi-kun’s finally letting you do what you want, Hinata-kun’s even running after you... You could have it all right about now. So I guess it’s not so bad...”

She reaches for his hand—a hand that not only mirrors her own but is her own—and their fingers entwine impeccably. Enoshima held it tight, painted pink lips pulling into her brightest, loveliest beam. “But we know how this ends, don’t we Komaeda-kun? Don’t worry though, when you’re lost again after those two both end up leaving you, I’ll be there. I’ll even hold you, if you want—I’m not going to leave you, Komaeda-kun...”

It’s certain—that’s right. I trust my luck, but... “You lost.”

She lost. She’s gone—she’s dead and she’s never coming back. This is wrong—she’s wrong. I’m not dead—this is wrong. I’m not dead, I’m not... I...

I want...

“Komaeda?!”

Komaeda’s eyes shot open, and Hinata’s face was...close. Over him. Looking stricken and then relieved when he blinked several times in confusion. Held. He...was being held? Hinata’s arms are tight and warm around him, he can hear his heartbeat, and why was he on the floor in this embrace when he should be in his bed?

“Komaeda,” Hinata says, voice hushed before he lets out a heavy sigh. “You lied.”

But she lost. I’m not dead. I want...

“You’re not fine now. You said you were—you aren’t.” He’s all matter-of-fact and weirdly upset about it. But he’s still holding onto Komaeda tight like he’s worried letting him go will allow him to slip away. As if Komaeda has some other place to be other than locked up in a hospital room with only Naegi as his sole...contact.

Hinata-kun’s here though? Yes, Hinata was here holding him. Naegi. Where was Naegi?

“I... Hinata-kun?” His expression changes, from that weird upset to pity, and Komaeda’s handled more carefully than glass as he’s lifted up—almost effortlessly on Hinata’s end, when was he this strong? Surely not Kamukura—and Hinata lays him back on the bed, only flickering his uneasy glance to the unhooked tubes fluttering by the machines once before looking away in distress.  “Hinata-kun, where is Naegi-kun?”

Hinata’s gaze snaps back to him, wide-eyed surprise before hardening into something cooler. “I’ll tell you if you give me some answers first.”

Ah...huh? “Hinata-kun, you could have just asked...”

“They have to be good answers too!” What constituted as a good answer? But Hinata explained that. “I mean, I have to actually understand what you’re trying to say rather than you getting all wishy-washy like you always do...”

The frown on Komaeda’s face might have softened him a bit—making that sternness on his face fade, because Hinata adds in a much quieter voice, “Just answer me as directly as you can, please? I want to understand.”

Komaeda does nod, and the other takes a deep, deep breath.

 “Did you really want me dead?” Hinata asks, still all quiet. “Did you want us all dead? Did you really want everyone including yourself dead so badly?”

It’s strange. Strange. “I...did. I wanted...”

To eradicate despair. To spare the world from more suffering. To end it. If I could. If it was in my cards. Everything I did played into that girl’s hands.

“Got’cha,” Hinata sounds both like he expected the answer yet it still managed to disappoint him. How boring. Komaeda cracked a weak smile despite himself. “Well, you didn’t get what you wanted.”

“Not entirely true. After all,” He turned that weak smile to Hinata, managing to make it a bit wider. “That girl isn’t here, is she? She’s gone. And she’s not coming back. I don’t even have her hand anymore. Of course—I didn’t get to kill her either. I didn’t even get to see her again.”

That’s right, that’s right, that’s...

“That’s for the best.” Hinata sounded sure about that. Truly...strange. “Meeting her was an unpleasant experience. You wouldn’t have liked it anyway.”

Komaeda laughed, and oddly...Hinata didn’t look scared. He still had that look of stern certainty and...strange. Strange. Was this really Hinata? This face... Komaeda isn’t even fully sure he knows or recognizes it. “Well, it’s a shame. But that’s that. It’s not like it wasn’t a possibility I’d die first.”

“You didn’t die.”

“I didn’t, did I? I failed on that account too.” Everything I did played into that girl’s hands. But she’s not here anymore. She’s not. “I...I want to see Naegi-kun.”

“Not yet.” Hinata has the decency to look somewhat ashamed, but his expression quickly hardens. “There’s another thing I wanted to ask. Nanami. Are you aware of what happened to Nanami?”

“That was after I died, how am I supposed to know?” Komaeda whined. “Obviously, I’m aware she wasn’t actually there, but that’s it.”

“That’s it?” For whatever reason, Hinata quirked an eyebrow.

“That’s...” He swallows and nods so hard that it hurts. “That’s it.”

She wasn’t real. My efforts were utterly pointless after all. All I did was play into her hands. Are you asking me about Nanami Chiaki to make fun of me?

No—Hinata wouldn’t do that.

He must have just really cared about her.

Ha.

Haha.

Hahaha.

“I want to see Naegi-kun.” It’s funny, how he’s trying to smile and the efforts leave him shaking. “I want to see him, I want to see him, I want to see him.”

Hinata stares back at him. If his desperate face is being reflected back at him in those crimson pools—he doesn’t want to see it, so his eyes squeeze shut.

“I answered your questions,” he whispered, pitiful and childish. “Or is there something else? I would call you impudent, but given the circumstances... It’s just what I deserve, right?”

He hears Hinata’s intake of breath. He doesn’t want to think about what expression Hinata might be wearing.

“It’s not about that.”

“Why not?” He must come across as such a child. Such a stupid child. “Don’t you hate me, Hinata-kun? Surely you must. Not only did I try to get you all killed, but I was also just... I was horrible. From start to finish. I spoke of hope but I must have brought such despair. Not just to you, but to everyone, to...”

To Naegi-kun, too. I don’t have the right to be alive. Not when so many others aren’t.

Hinata just sighs. Like this outburst is nothing more than a dull annoyance. It’s enough of an insult that Komaeda opens his eyes, realizing then that his vision has gone blurry with tears. It even stings and wiping his eyes with his ruined arm surprisingly doesn’t do much.

“You weren’t horrible at first. You helped me out a lot,” Hinata mutters. He’s almost awkward about it, but shamefully, the tears won’t stop coming so Komaeda can’t look at him properly. Despite that... Despite this shameless, despicable display... Hinata places a hand on his shoulder. It’s warm to the point of searing. “I don’t hate you. Not anymore, anyway.” His hand pulls away, and Komaeda can’t catch it. “I’ll...go get Naegi.”

And because he can’t fathom having the gall to ask the other to stay, he lets his left arm fall. But... But, but, but...

“Thank you.” The blur that is and isn’t Hinata-kun pauses at the doorway. “For not...hating me. I really am sorry about everything, Hinata-kun. I’ll... I’ll try not to get in your way anymore.”

Maybe, Hinata turns to face him. Maybe he doesn’t. Komaeda can’t tell, not when he’s forcing a smile as the tears keep on running.

“P... Please take care.”

It’s funny. Hinata almost sounds choked up. That must be a mistake. It couldn’t possibly be. Couldn’t.

Let’s not think about it anymore.

--

Naegi brings with him a box of tissues. Kind, considerate Naegi. How wonderful he is—how wonderful he has always been.

If only I fell in love with you properly, Komaeda can’t help but think. He blows his nose, and there are flecks of blood in the tissue. They’re as red as Hinata’s eyes now. Before all this... I wish I had fallen for you properly, Naegi-kun.

“You’re so nice,” he can’t help but mourn. “I wonder if that’s because you’re SHSL Hope.”

“Oh, no,” Naegi laughs so easily. “I’m still as normal as I’ve always been.”

Turning her away when the rest of the world fell to her heels isn’t normal.

“Naegi-kun...” He dabs at his eyes before crumbling up the tissue in his hand. “To someone like me, you’re a superhero.”

“I’m just a guy, I swear.” He believed Naegi meant that. So, what was he supposed to think? “Komaeda-kun, I...” What was he supposed to think when Naegi looked uncomfortable, not just uncomfortable but unsure. “I want to help you not just because we were schoolmates, once, but because it’s just the right thing to do.”

What was he supposed to say to that?

Perhaps... Naegi-kun is exceptionally foolish. But...

“You wouldn’t be yourself if you abandoned anyone,” he murmured, a sardonic smile pulling at his lips. “I hate that. I hate that so much. It actually makes me feel even lower than trash.”

“S-Sorry!” Naegi really does look so apologetic. “I didn’t want to make you feel bad!”

“Of course not,” Komaeda sighed, and because Naegi was so close, because Naegi was hovering, Komaeda had the opportunity to kiss his cheek. And he took it. Inelegant and quick, a soft smack of his lips when the pressed against Naegi’s soft, round cheek. “Actually, you make me feel so good that I feel even worse. There’s no winning with someone like me. I’m just the worst, huh?”

He keeps talking, but Naegi is flushed so brilliantly. It’s funny.

He does look normal like this.

“I’m the worst,” he reiterates, and he wants to cry again but he can’t stop himself, “I like you—a lot. I love you, even.”

It’s normal to be afraid of rejection, he thinks, heart pounding so painfully. It’s normal, normal, normal, that’s why I can’t...

He can’t take it. Not here. Not like this.

Not when Naegi is smiling at him like that.

“Komaeda-kun... I...”

Not when Naegi speaks so softly, so gently, so sweetly—and takes Komaeda’s hand, squeezing. Just like how Hinata had squeezed his shoulder before.

No, exactly like that.

Just like that, he can’t bear to think about it anymore.

[howtosingit]

I haven't had a chance to fully dive into all the goodies last nights video has produced.. nor have I had a chance to read all your thoughts which you know I crave love . I was dumb and watched 3 911 episodes last night ignoring my ig notification that ronen had shared anything so then I had to go to bed bc of work and work has been crqzy. But anyways I just wanted to hear some of your thoughts and say Tarlos officially fried my brain and I really want to write in the spare time I don't have bc of work 🙈🙊 their soft smiles, kisses, possibly meeting the fam, their date (and let's be honest Carlos was hot as fuck sauntering up to the bar announcing he was tks boyfriend... you know someone got laid that night) sorry not sorry 🙈

Anyways hit me with your thoughts when you're free if you want ❤

LISTEN, LAUREN. I am always up to share my thoughts because they never end and they just keep coming and I have to unleash them somehow or I will definitely explode.

My brain was just like, ALL CAPS SCREAMING, for about 7 hours yesterday, so I’ll leave you to explore that hot mess on my blog if you want. 😅 But, in the time since, I’ve seen a lot of discourse and stuff about the moments that we’ve seen, so I’m going to use this ask as an opportunity to weigh in on everything under the cut...

FIRST, CAN I JUST SAY that at the moment that I am writing this post, we are still trending at #5 and we’ve been in the 4-7 range for at least the past, like, IDK, 18-20 hours maybe?! I LOVE THIS FANDOM AND HOW WE LOSE OUR SHIT AT THE SMALLEST THINGS

Okay, so let me go through this thing and comment on the parts, and then give some general thoughts below:

LOVE that this is a promo entirely about the LGBTQIA+ characters and characters of color. Not exactly surprised that they still tried to put as much Rob Lowe in it as possible (that’s Fox/the writers’ M.O. it seems - to squeeze Rob/Owen in whether he fits or not). Some of his comments were a little awkward, I thought (referring to Paul’s trans storyline as “stuff” makes me go 😬), but whatever. He’s not the point of all of this, so that’s the last I’m going to talk about him.

TOMMY VEGA. I AM READY TO STAN. I love Gina Torres, I already love how much heart and soul she is giving just in these quick peeks, I cannot wait to see her in action!

Also let me use this moment to say that while it’s obvious I’m not getting my Grace + Carlos friendship (that’s fine if it stays in fandom, I’ll live), I’m SO GLAD that her and Tommy are gonna be friends! One promo mentioned that Judd has known Tommy before, so it would not surprise me if they’ve been friends for awhile. LOVE THAT.

SPECULATION: This gives me a good time to just throw out a theory that I’ve been thinking about... We know Owen and Gwen are hosting Tommy at their place for a backyard dinner. I assume her husband may be there as well, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Judd and Grace are there too. 

I ALSO would not be surprised if this is when one of the nights at Carlos’s place happens, like a parallel of the two dinner parties. That at least keeps every main character involved in both locations. We shall see though.

So this gathering at the firehouse seems like it’s going to be a pretty big scene, probably for episode 1. I think everyone’s gathered so that Owen can announce he’s in remission (we’ll hear him tell TK first, which is the hug that they share earlier in the trailer, I think). 

But this gathering also includes a Tommy/Grace moment, a Tarlos moment, the others doing other things kind of moments. It’ll serve the same purpose as a lot of the season 1 bar scenes, and I’m so glad they’ve moved those to the firehouse. I want that place to really start feeling like a home this year. 

(I want all of the locations to feel a little more grounded and special, if I’m being honest. Like, I’m SO GLAD that Carlos’s place is going to be a key location this season.)

There are now two instances of Carlos being next to Gwen (standing next to her while Owen makes an announcement and now sitting next to her at the table), so we better get some dialogue between them or I WILL BE SO UPSET. I WANT GWEN TO STAN CARLOS AS MUCH AS I DO.

EVERYONE IS SO CUTE IN THIS SCENE OKAY

TARLOS TARLOS TARLOS TARLOS

Like, WTF is TK’s face in this moment?! He looks so shy and bashful but also so happy and mushy and soft and in love. And then the way that Carlos softens because of how soft TK look?!?! WHAT IS GOING ON?!?! WHY AM I CRYING.

Seriously, I have to know what they’re talking about though to make TK fucking melt like that. 

Emergency stuff blah blah blah

TARLOS KISS TARLOS KISS TARLOS KISS TARLOS KISS

IT’S SO FUCKING CASUAL AND PERFECT AND NATURAL AND LITERALLY JUST LIKE A “I came over to grab this food from you but since I’m here I might as well grab a kiss because I can’t help myself”

AND LIKE... Carlos just leans right into it?!?!?!? like it’s something that they do all the time?!?!?! WTF I LOVE THEM

Mateo watches this kiss and kind of looks like he was talking to Carlos, TK, or both of them, so I love that they’re like in the middle of conversation but still like “wait let me kiss my bf because he’s close by and so hot and I love him” SCREAMING

ALSO LET ME BE THIRSTY BUT CARLOS’S SHOULDERS AND BACK?!?!?! TK’S FUCKING ARMS?!?! I’M SO DAMN GAY

Speaking of arms: this rando bartender at the wrestling match (so Covid doesn’t last long on Lone Star, I’m assuming like 2 episodes maybe?) -- I love that they tried to put him in a tight shirt and make him look like a possible threat or something and I’m just like 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

IT’S LIKE THEY’VE NEVER SEEN CARLOS REYES BEFORE

AND THEN THE FUCKING GREEK GOD HIMSELF SAUNTERS UP WEARING A TIGHT FUCKING POLO - CHEST OUT, ARMS JACKED, HANDS IN HIS POCKETS TO DRAW ATTENTION TO HIS DICK AND I’M JUST SCREAMING AT THIS POINT

BOYFRIEND 

BOYFRIEND

BOYFRIEND

But, like, seriously, there is no comparison. Carlos is fucking Hercules over here and this no-name wannabe boyband member could be a sand-colored rock for all I care. 

YOU CANNOT COMPETE WITH CARLOS REYES, DON’T EVEN TRY IT

I do feel like these two clips (the calendar line and then Carlos’s line) are spliced together but they might not be back-to-back, and I would love to see how TK responds to the flirting before Carlos comes over

HIS FACE IS KILLING ME THOUGH WHEN CARLOS COMES UP

BLESS RONEN

I feel like I *think* I know what he’s thinking, but I also feel like I don’t. Certainly, the scene seems to end with them both smiling and happy, but I wonder if there will be a conversation about jealousy or something?! IDK BUT THEY’RE DEFINITELY GONNA TALK. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT THEY SAY.

Someone posted how happy TK is going to be to have a boyfriend who is committed enough to him to be jealous, unlike Alex who didn’t care and cheated on him. I certainly think this could be a great moment for them to establish what this new relationship means for them, and I’m excited to see what they writers have planned.

I JUST LOVE CARLOS REYES THOUGH OKAY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

How many times is Fox gonna use that clip of him holding his gun though? We get it, he raises his gun. I’ve seen it like 7 times at this point. 

I’m not complaining, really. I’ll take his face where I can get it.

LOVING the Marjan clips

LOVING the Grace/Judd clips

LOVING the Paul clips

I LOVE ALL OF MY FAVES

CANNOT WAIT TO SEE THEM DEVELOP THIS YEAR

Hearing Rafa talk about using his voice and speaking for his community just slaughters my heart, I love this man so fucking much and I’m so happy to be discovering him at the start of his career because he is going to go on to do big things and make the world a better place with his positivity and light and love and I’m so excited to follow him on that journey I just love him okay

ALSO THE MAN LOOKS SO FUCKING GOOD WHAT ARE THOSE ARMS I WANT TO DIE

THE FARMER’S MARKET SCENE

Are they shopping for food for the dinner party they’re hosting?! Maybe!

WE MEET SOME OF CARLOS’S PEOPLE

There is so much speculation surrounding who these two people could be, and I’ve heard some super interesting theories about Carlos’s backstory.

I’m gonna be basic though and stick with the fact that I think they’re his parents.

AND IF THEY ARE HIS PARENTS, THEY SEEM SO HAPPY TO MEET TK.

His dad/the man, like, shakes TK’s hand with so much gusto, a giant smile on his face

And Carlos smiles as he hugs his mom/the woman, and she’s smiling too

THEY ALL JUST SEEM SO HAPPY

I CAN’T BELIEVE WE MIGHT ACTUALLY BE AVOIDING THE HOMOPHOBIC PARENTS STORYLINE COMPLETELY

Y’ALL DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH I DO NOT WANT TO SEE THAT TRAUMA

I mean, I don’t know for sure, we’re going to have to wait for the episode. But god, do I hope for it with every fiber of my being. I want their trauma, if they have to have it, to be separate from their sexuality. They’ve done so well with TK so far, I want the same for Carlos. Let the story be fresh, let it be different, LET US HAVE DIVERSE GAY STORYLINES.

Y’ALL THE TEAM HANGING OUT AT CARLOS’S PLACE

I CANNOT

I’LL NEVER BE OVER IT

HE’S PART OF THE CREW. HE’S PART OF THE FAMILY.

IT’S EVERYTHING THAT I COULD EVER WANT FOR HIM OKAY

I’M SO FUCKING HAPPY

THEY ARE SO HAPPY

WE ARE ALL SO HAPPY

I’M CRYING

I’M DEAD

LOL that was a lot but so was this promo.

Now, some somewhat sobering thoughts...

We all know season 1 had a real diversity and inclusion problem, we’ve seen the numbers. We also know that during the promotion for season 1, we ALSO got a diversity promo focusing on the LGBTQIA+ characters and the characters of color. I love that Fox wants to highlight the incredibly talented actors and characters that they have, but all of it means nothing if they are still tokens on the show. 

I have full faith that season 2 will be better, that some of the justified anger and frustration made it back to the writers and they internalized it and then make some real changes. However, because we did get a diversity promo last year, I have to remain a little cautious. This promo doesn’t really mean anything and if, somehow, season 2 goes the way season 1 did, it will be another instance of Fox using the characters of color to draw people in without actually giving them screentime and development. Which is a HUGE PROBLEM. So... I’m very excited and very hopeful, but also slightly wary.

Similarly, I’ve seen people say that they’re worried that, while there is so much Tarlos in this promo, this might be all the Tarlos we get this season. I don’t share the same concern, but like the diversity issue, I understand where that comes from. There was a lot of Tarlos in season 1′s promos and, as we now know, they got screentime in episodes 1-3 and then virtually nothing until episode 10. 

I kind of lost track of the filming schedule, but I think before they went on the holiday/extended hiatus, they filmed the first 5-6 episodes? Maybe? And we know that we’re getting 14 total this season, which means it’s possible that they haven’t even filmed half of them. 

I think the footage that we got in this promo is from, like, 3 or 4 episodes max. Definitely episodes 1 and 2, maybe 4, possibly 5. The crossover is episode 3 and I am still expecting to barely see Carlos in it - I just think it’s going to be very fire heavy one, especially with the members of the 118 coming in to steal screentime. He could be in one scene, maybe? Idk, I’m just not expecting a lot from that episode. 

And sure, we could get a lot of Tarlos at the beginning and then nothing for a whole string of episodes, but that also just doesn’t seem possible with the way they’ve restructured the relationship dynamics. Like, it really does seem like Carlos is going to be a part of the family this year, so I think it will be easier to include him and harder to delete him entirely. (Please let him at least appear in every single episode, I don’t want to be so fucking angry like last year.)

Also, if all of these scenes stay in the episodes, we are getting AT LEAST 4 Tarlos conversations - the firehouse, the wrestling match, the farmer’s market, the flirting by the truck - and other scenes of them being in the same space as part of a group. I’m sure there will be even more that we’re just not seeing. I’m very optimistic for this season and for the Tarlos content, and I really don’t think we’ll see the front-loaded imbalance that we saw last season. I think when they get back to filming the later episodes, there will be a good amount of Tarlos content in those, too!

I will say, though, that I am worried we’ve just seen the only kiss that they’ll share in the first 5 or so episodes. I’m just so used to network TV placing a limit on gay kisses, and Idk how much that has really changed in recent years. I truly love this kiss, and I hope there are more, but I would not be surprised if we end the season having only gotten like 2-3. (PLEASE LET ME BE WRONG.)

ONLY TWO MORE WEEKS UNTIL WE FIND OUT FOR SURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!