#but he's a stupidly hopeless romantic

[salsakiyoomi]

suna is a coward.

he should've known better than to fall in love with you, he can't recall a specific time where he started making heart eyes at you, or maybe he always made heart eyes at you, maybe he was always in love with you.

but it's not something he wants to admit, not to you or himself, he's too scared to — maybe you'll reject him, or maybe you'll take him, he doesn't know actually, and maybe he doesn't want to know.

it's not like you've made any move to show that you were interested in him, yeah sure you flirt with him sometimes, but you flirt with everyone — he's known you for years to know that it's your goofy way of being friendly.

but suna was a hopeless romantic, he dropped all of the hints he could — he made playlists for the both of you, brought you flowers he picked out himself, got your chocolates for valentines and while he knew you took it as normal friendly behavior and nothing more, he still couldn't help himself.

but why did you have to take it as just normal friendly behavior? it was infuriating.

suna really was dropping all of the hints he could and the last straw was when you asked who would he marry if he had to pick anyone and he said ‘you’.

and you still didn’t pick up what he put down.

“are you stupid or something?” he blurts out after a moment of silence and you turn to look at him, eyes wide with surprise at the sudden insult.

“what?” you utter out stupidly.

“i literally just said i’d marry you.”

you blink at him, utterly confused, “okay?”

suna wants to scream.

he blinks back, and he groans, “i can’t with you anymore.”

“rin, are you —”

“no! i am not okay,” he says, cutting you off, “i like you, you dumbass!”

“i — wha —”

“i’ve been literally dropping all the hints i could to tell you that i like you and you, god you’re so stupid and now i just said that i’d literally marry you — marry you, y/n and all you do is laugh and —”

you cut him off by grabbing his face and kissing him.

suna doesn’t register it at first, then he processes the fact that your lips are against his and he can taste the cherry balm you always put on, and he can smell your overly sweet perfume and it’s completely engulfing him and god you taste so sweet and your lips are so soft and he wouldn;t mind staying like this forever and — 

you pull away.

suna is still in a shocked state as he looks at your flushed face and swollen lips as you avoid his gaze.

“i like you too, you idiot.”

[pretty-royals]

Love at First Battle

| summary : You never believed in love at first sight. You thought it was just a silly fantasy, the kind of thing hopeless romantics clung to. But then you met him—mid-battle…

Warnings : Mid-Violence, Swearing,Near-Death,Cornyyyy, The slowest “fight” ever because someone got distracted by feelings,Sanji being Sanji

The chaos of battle surrounded you. Swords clashed, gunfire rang through the salty air, and the shouts of fighting pirates filled your ears. Your captain had decided today was the day to attack the Straw Hats—an impulsive, reckless decision that left you questioning his leadership. But questioning orders wasn’t an option.

You had a role to play in this fight.

And that role currently had you standing face-to-face with a blonde man in a black suit, his cigarette hanging lazily from his lips as he blocked the path ahead. He had an easy smirk, but his stance was solid, his presence radiating confidence. He wasn’t taking you lightly.

Sanji

You knew of him, of course. The Straw Hats’ cook, the one who could destroy opponents with his legs alone. And damn, now that you were seeing him up close, you realized the rumors hadn’t done him justice.

But you didn’t have time to admire him. You had a fight to win.

Your grip on your weapon tightened, and you lunged.

And then he looked at you.

Blue eyes locked onto yours, piercing straight through you like a damn sword. There was no warning, no slow build-up—it hit you like a cannonball to the chest. Your heart stuttered, your breath caught, and your entire body froze mid-strike.

What the hell?

Your mind screamed at you to move, to swing, to do something, but all you could do was stare. It was like time itself had stopped. The battle around you faded, distant and unimportant. All that existed in that moment was him.

And oh, you were fucked.

Because it wasn’t just attraction. No, this was something deeper, something terrifyingly immediate. It was like your soul had just recognized something it had been searching for all along.

Sanji’s brows furrowed slightly at your hesitation. “Huh?”

You couldn’t speak. Couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t do anything.

Which was a problem—because the next thing you knew, a glint of silver caught your eye.

Zoro’s sword, swinging straight for your head.

You barely had time to react before a blur of black and blonde crashed into you, knocking you off balance and sending you tumbling to the ground. The impact left you breathless, but at least you weren’t dead.

“What the hell, Marimo?!” Sanji’s voice rang out above you, furious.

“She’s an enemy,” Zoro shot back, his sword still raised.

“She’s a lady! You absolute caveman!” Sanji’s weight shifted off you as he scrambled to his feet, standing between you and Zoro like a protective barrier. “You don’t just go swinging at a beautiful woman like that!”

You barely registered the words, still trying to process what had just happened. You had stopped attacking him. He had saved you. And now he was defending you?

Your face burned.

Zoro scoffed. “She was about to attack you.”

“Do you really think I’d let that happen?” Sanji exhaled, shaking his head like he was disgusted. “You wound me, Zoro. You really do.”

Meanwhile, you were still on the ground, staring up at them like an idiot. Your crew was fighting, your captain was barking orders, and you were sitting here having a crisis over some blonde man with a cigarette and a stupidly charming smile.

Sanji turned back to you, his expression softening. “Are you alright, mademoiselle?” He offered you a hand, his voice dripping with concern.

You hesitated. You shouldn’t take it. You were supposed to be enemies. This was supposed to be a fight.

But… god, you couldn’t help it.

Your fingers slipped into his, and he pulled you to your feet with effortless grace. The warmth of his skin sent electricity up your arm, and suddenly, you were hyper-aware of everything—his touch, his scent, the way he was way too close.

You had never felt so stupid in your life.

“I—uh—” Words? What were those again?

“I…I should-…have to go”

Sanji blinked, seemingly surprised. “You’re leaving?”

Yeah. Because if you stayed any longer, you were going to die of embarrassment.

You took a step back, heart hammering in your chest. This was ridiculous. You couldn’t just fall for someone in the middle of a battle. That wasn’t how this worked!

But as you turned to retreat, you couldn’t resist one last glance.

Sanji was still watching you, his expression unreadable. And maybe—just maybe—there was something in his eyes too. Something dangerous. Something too real.

You swallowed hard.

Yeah. You were definitely fucked.

[selineram3421]

Shit fuck, fucking shit fuck-FUCK!

Late Valentine's Day gift.

I Desire Your Affection

Oneshot

Alastor X Human Reader

Warning? ⚠

⚠ starring 🔥arson cat🔥, fluff, Italics = thoughts, mention of murder, implied cannibalism, heavy suggestive/implied,😳 its the Gif's fault, friends to lovers ⚠

Your friendship with the Radio Demon was...strange.

Him being the demon you accidently summoned from an entirely different universe, and you being a fan of him and the show Hazbin Hotel.

It would be stupid to try and deny that you had any romantic feelings for the Overlord. As time went on, you realized that your feelings were more complicated than you thought.

Love, affection, and desire swirled within and you didn't know what to do with it. You were sure Alastor wasn't interested in anything sexual and you didn't know if he wanted anything to do with a romantic relationship. Plus, he was real.

He was a person who had flaws, hopes, dreams, ideas, and concerns. He was beautiful.

[He was also a demon but ya know...]

In the end, you felt a little hopeless.

You liked your friendship but it felt bittersweet. After many, many thoughts, you thought that maybe it would just be better if you didn't say anything at all.

You really did value your friendship with him.

The Radio Demon.

Alastor.

.

It's been two years, now going to three since he was summoned to this other version of Earth. The human that brought him to it was kind enough to let him stay, even though they knew he was a demon.

At some point, they became friends and he was quite glad for it. As he spent his time with them, he learned that he quite liked the human, enough to kill a stalker that they didn't know about. He did enjoy the meat and learned something interesting out of it too when he showed his host. But that's a story for another time.

When they told him about the animated show, Hazbin Hotel, he was a bit shocked.

Some strong magic must have been used but they haven't told him what spell they were trying to do. The human was quite secretive about it, looking a bit shy whenever he brought it up.

Though he was curious, he let it be for now. You might have the courage to tell him at some point in time.

Or....he could learn by snooping around.

With a simple plan in motion, bribing the little arsonist of a cat the human had as a companion, Alastor was allowed to look around their bedroom for a short amount of time. At least until the furry creature was done causing chaos wherever they went.

He looked almost everywhere in the bedroom, not finding what he wanted, he turned towards one of the closed doors in the room and opened it.

A bathroom.

He moves on to the next door and opens it, finding a closet with only three empty hangers, the rest filled with clothes, and some boxes.

Is that all? Where is their altar? Room of conjuring? Or "prayer" room?

Then he stopped to think.

It must be hidden away like a prayer room..

Closing the closet door, he looks around with a little more attention. Listing off the places he's already checked around the human's home.

Even listing off his current bedroom and closet.

Somewhat given up, he walks to the door and pulls on the handle to close it. Just as he's about to leave he notices something stupidly obvious, something he's already seen once.

The wardrobe.

Not just any wardrobe but one that the human was able to stuff all of their creative tools in. Paint, colored pencils, fabric, ribbons, and more.

Looking at the clock on the bookshelf, he takes note that he has a few more minutes until the cat must return home.

Going over to the wardrobe, he opens it to find it a familiar mess of colors and doodles on the wooden doors. The drawers are filled with many random things and paint, but he ignores all of that. What he's looking for is hidden in plain sight.

Somewhere.

Curse their love of hidden rooms and puzzles..

He spends a minute or two just staring. Which annoys him more than he cares to admit.

Where? Where is it? They brought out multiple tools from somewhere. So where is it?

He knows he's running out of time, but maybe he could use that to his advantage..

Deciding to enter the hidden room another time, he closes the wardrobe and exits the room. Bringing the cat back with a snap of his fingers.

Little thing was covered in ash and soot, but it seemed to be pleased by what it had done, purring as the creature rubbed itself on the side of his leg.

"I hope you burned down something interesting.", Alastor grinned.

All the cat does in response is meow.

.

You got back from work tired.

It was around that time of year when people called out a lot, which left most of the work on other workers, one of them being you.

Something that did cheer you up was the new merch you saw on the Hazbin Hotel website. A cute Valentine's Day Alastor keychain that said "love yourself", the deer demon dressed handsomely in a suit.

You purchased it without a second thought on your phone.

"Welcome home dear!"

Looking up, you find the said Demon that occupied your current thoughts standing in the entryway with you.

"Hi Alastor.", you smiled and put down your book bag on the bench near the door. "I hope you weren't too bored today."

"Nonsense darling.", he says and helps you take off your coat. "I'm enjoying myself in your little abode. Why, I even went out and got groceries for dinner."

"You didn't kill anyone today, right?", you asked.

"No, sadly I did not.", he reassures you, hanging your coat on the hooks mounted on the wall.

"Never hurts to check.", you shrug and follow the deer towards the kitchen.

It's been a little complicated trying to get him back home. The spell you used was a type of calling, and well... It was a little embarrassing to admit, even to yourself.

It was supposed to help your "true love" find you.

But to your surprise, Alastor, The Radio Demon, showed up.

How am I going to get him home? He shouldn't be here. I've messed up everything. Sure, the show is continuing but the Alastor on the screen looks different and everyone just accepted the redesign, the new voice actors, but you're panicking, and you need to think of a way to fix everything-!

You take a breath.

Focusing back on the present, you smell the spices the deer demon is putting in, watching as he stirred the food in the pan.

"It'll be ready in no time, why don't you rest for a moment? I'm sure you'd like to lie down or sit on the couch.", he suggests and glances over at you. "Perhaps some light reading?"

That didn't sound like a bad idea at all. Maybe I could figure out or find a spell to send him back home.

"Sure, thank you Alastor. I'll come to set the table in a bit.", you nod, turning towards your bedroom.

Entering your room, you don't notice the shadow that follows close behind you as you close the door.

You change into something comfortable, a loose t-shirt and shorts before walking over to the wardrobe. You open the painted doors and lift a hand to trace over the phases of the moon painted on top, pressing down on the full moon. A familiar click is heard and you pull out the drawers by a handle, making it go further out, revealing a little passage.

Stepping through, you enter your "office" room that you turned into your personal hide away. Bookshelves stuffed with knick-knacks, old grimoires, and that one random fake skull for fun.

You named it William.

"Ok, lets find something useful today.", you mumble and walk over to the bookshelf near your desk before taking a book out. "When in doubt, try the oldest book in your collection.", you go and set it down on the desk, flipping it open to start reading.

The shadow is looking at everything, finding a board full of papers with a list of herbs, sigils, and other little things. Taking note that it's all for one spell. Alastor quickly takes the shadow's place and reads what you have before letting out a chuckle.

You jump at the sudden noise and turn to find the Radio Demon staring straight at you.

"Is this why you wouldn't share the spell you did that night?", he says walking over to you. "Too shy to reveal it was a spell for true love?"

"I-I don't know why it brought you here though.", you managed to get out. "But I promised to send you home, so as your friend that's what I plan to do."

"Friend?", he tilts his head at that. "Yes, I suppose we have grown our relationship to be as such.", he tutts as he gets closer.

You didn't know if he wanted to kill you or not. You were honestly a little scared but you just decided to trust your friend.

"Why not tell me dear? What made you hesitate?", he asked, now standing in front of you. "Tell me."

"How could I?", you answered, looking up at him with furrowed brows. "I ripped you away from your world for just wanting to meet someone who would love me completely, but I shouldn't have ripped anyone away. I didn't want that. I-", you looked down at your feet in shame. "All I could do in the end was lend a hand as a friend. I didn't want to push anything onto you."

"But you haven't pushed anything~", he lifts up your head with a finger under your chin. "That's the problem."

"What?", you looked up at him confused.

How was that a problem?

"To put it simply darling-", he took a step closer.

Too close.

You bumped into the desk behind you and you placed a hand down onto the wooden surface to keep yourself upright, his chest pressed up against yours. The book you were reading now forgotten, having been knocked off of the desk.

"I desire your affection.", his eyes softened as he lifted his hand to caress your cheek with his knuckles, then his sharp fingers before he held the side of your face with his warm hand. "I desire you."

A shiver ran down your back after he said that.

He suddenly lifted you up and sat you on top of the desk, hands now resting on your thighs.

"Wait-", your breath hitched when he leaned forward and kissed your neck. "D-Dinner is still on the stove-! The cat!", you felt yourself start to get a bit light headed at his actions.

"My shadow will take care of everything.", he murmured against your neck, rubbing has hands up and down your thighs. "What I need to know..", he pulls himself away and gently pushes you until your back meets the desk. "..is if you want this? May I, as your true love, make you mine?"

Your heart was pounding.

The Tumblr post about asking "May I?" in a relationship was right on the fucking nose. It was hot.

With shaky lips, you say what you've wanted to for a while.

"Yes."

Your eyes widened as the deer demon grew larger as he leaned over the desk, leaning over you, his hands on the wooden surface as he caged you in, his smile growing wider as he did so.

"Tell me my dear~", he started, pressing his lips against the shell of your ear. "How often have you imagined us in this position?", he asks and moves his left hand off of the desk, finger slowly gliding up your leg until it reaches the side of your knee.

Then he moves his hand under your knee, lifting your leg so that your calf touches his shoulder as he moved down.

"How many nights have you ached to have me beside you?", he leaned over slightly, his cheek touching the skin of your leg. "To touch you.", he moved closer and kissed your thigh. "To kiss you.", his nose brushed against your inner thigh as he nipped at your skin. "To devour you."

A whine left your throat, which made you blush madly once you realized what noise you made.

"I'm.. I've never done this before.", you look away and bring your hands up to cover your face. "I only read about it. I'm-"

"Come now my dear.", he takes a hand away from your face and kisses the palm of it. "We have time to learn more together. Though this isn't something I'm interested in all that much, I would like to connect with you in this way on special occasions. It's a first for me as well."

"Ok.", you nod, gathering your nerves. "Can we move somewhere more comfortable?"

Something told you that a hard surface wouldn't be so fun after everything was said and done.

"Of course.", he lifts you up and takes you to the bedroom.

As soon as you're on the bed, he's kissing you, touching you, and slowly lifting off your clothes. Being extra careful with his claws on your skin.

"That's it, relax.", he says while undressing, his scars no longer hidden. "Ignore these unsightly things-"

"No.", you quickly say and lift a hand to trace a scar on his chest with your fingers. "They are beautiful."

"Thank you.", he said softly.

You smile when noticing his flushed cheeks.

"May I kiss you?", you ask him.

"Yes, you may. You needn't ask darling."

Placing your hands on his shoulders, you pull him closer and place a soft kiss to test the waters.

His smile widens and he follows your kiss with another.

When you first cast the spell, you didn't expect things to turn out like this. You just thought that you might meet your special someone while grocery shopping or at the park. Instead you summoned them in your living room.

It didn't matter now, as both of you were together.

"Alastor..", you sighed out.

Everything was warm and fuzzy. The oxytocin in your brain was high.

"Let me love you dear."

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Arson cat burned a very important building and it was on the news.

If you know, you know.

~Seline, the person.

✨Art✨

Taglist@

@+ in the comments +

@+?

ML II Alastor🎙 | 🔥Arson Cat List🔥

The keychain that slipped through my fingers 😭

[fumiscripts]

✦ SO, BABY, HOLD MY HAND NOW

✦ one shot ,, michael kaiser x gn!reader

content:: kaiser never would've thought he'd be falling first and harder. after an inner debate, he decided he'll ask you out on valentines. he's not sure what to do, though one thing was for certain: he wants to make you happy

valentines fic ,, fluff ,, 877 words

additional:: WHIPPED loser kaiser who tries to act nonchalant, implied childhood friends if you squint, he prolly would not do allat but like c'mon man it's valentines let's have a little fluff, ts is so sappy like actually, kaiser attempts to pin after reader, ending is open heh

Kaiser believed that he was a nonchalant, male manipulator.

But, really, he could not be any more dramatic than this.

Seriously, what was wrong with him? Thinking corny, cheesy thoughts about you like he liked you. He's killing himself inside every time his mind points towards the idea of holding your hand, or whatever couples do, cringing at himself— which was a shocker, as he never seemed embarrassed from whatever bullshit he constantly does— and tweaking out violently. And not the kicking feet and giggling type of tweaking. The pulling hair, screaming into a pillow type of tweaking.

He's Michael Kaiser, for fuck's sake, not some hopeless romantic! Why was he even thinking of you? You're so mid compared to him. Seriously, you didn't deserve to be going through his head 24/7. You didn't deserve the way he feels warm whenever he sees a smile grace your face, didn't deserve how stupidly much he wanted to be the reason for it— to be the reason you're happy.

Well, you're close to him, that much he can say. To the point the two of you had witnessed each other while on their most vulnerable. Kaiser found himself sincerely caring for you—but that doesn't mean he liked liked you.

So what? He could wrap an arm around your shoulders and pull you around by your hand whenever the two of you were walking, and you could still be friends. In fact, he does lots of the latter. A lot of hand holding. He could say the weight of your hand was perfect against his–

God, he really needed to stop.

The way it’s nearing Valentines is not helping. Usually, he’d find these days boring and meaningless— but now that you’re in the picture? Yeah, no, it’s different. While crashing out over his feelings, he had come to a simple conclusion: He’s gonna ask you out. In the most extravagant way possible because he’s Michael Kaiser. Plus, if he was to ask you for a date with him, he needs to at least make it seem like you were the one desperate for him, and that he was only doing it as a favor. Really, he just wanted to take you out, though he denies it.

On the day, you were greeted by a notification from him, a short one, to not make it seem like he had been staring at his phone for minutes, debating how to write the message.

“Dress up, we're going somewhere.”

The text stated, making you wonder what the hell he’s making you get ready for so early in the morning. But you made the effort to follow along, anyway. If he was up to tomfoolery, you were in. Maybe you'll shit on couples, who knows.

You could hear him pull up an hour later, just in time when you were finished doing your morning routine. Opening the door, you were greeted with him leaning against the wall— acting all cool and composed, when he had been pacing back and forth anxiously while waiting for you to open the door— Kaiser spots you and pushes himself up, leaning on the doorframe, instead.

“Hey,” he forced the word out, trying not to let the way you looked so good get to him. His palms were sweating. Why were they sweating? He's not nervous. Totally not… was he? Kaiser forced out a smile, shoving an obnoxiously flashy bouquet of blue roses in your direction, having it from behind his back to in your arms. Seeing your puzzled expression, he rolled his eyes, shifting his position again to tilt his head, looking down at you.

This was his attempt at making a scene with close proximity, like what he had seen in those low-budget romcoms the both of you watch for shits and giggles. Really, he does not have any experience in relationships— all of this was ripped off straight out of movies and books he read, just to try and impress you.

“Happy valentines,” Kaiser greeted. Before it could seem too mushy and sweet, he followed up. “Since I just know you're lonely and all, I decided why the hell not take you out on a date? Better than being single while sappy couples are kissing all around you, hm? How lucky you are, scoring a date with me of all people.”

The surprise written on your face quickly transformed into a hint of slight annoyance. “...I never complained about being single on valentines…? Are you sure you didn't just wanna ask me out? I'm not shaming you for that,” you say, having a slightly amused grin right after. Kaiser wanted to wipe it right off your face.

“Whatever,” he scoffed, before offering you his hand. A simple, romantic gesture. “Yes, I'm asking you out.”

You stared at his hand, raising an eyebrow. To which he sighed, heat rising up to his face at the thought of being out here and doing something soft and romantic with you— wanting to see you smile and enjoy the day because of him. You weren't stupid, you saw the soft hues of red on the tips of his ears, and the way those blue eyes softened just the slightest as he muttered something out.

“Just hold my hand now.”

happy late valentines y'all 😓

taglist (ask to be added) @shrii-kk, @tired-xyra-urstruly, @fishii28, @yui2aku, @lakeside-paradise

© fumiscripts 2025. don't steal, repost, translate or modify my works without my permission.

[ma1dita]

about you

this was a request! read it here

words: 4.3k (longest one yet ohmy)

summary: james potter takes ‘easier’ for granted and finds out he now has a living reminder of that

warnings: none! sort of au, everyone lives and they win the war— angst angst angst, maybe open ended!!! groveling james and reader is a MOTHA (afab!)

a/n: guys i missed writing angst…i’m a deeply sad soul at heart so i enjoyed this a lot. I listened to ‘night shift’ by lucy dacus writing the first half, and ‘about you’ by the 1975 for the second half,,,,, both on repeat. i don’t mean to post at ungodly hours but i hope you enjoy!

posted: 11/11/23

—-

Insecurity is an ugly thing. It tugs at your frame, holding your shoulders hostage and your countenance shriveled in a scowl as you slink forward in your seat. But what should the rational reaction be when your boyfriend, the one you’ve planned out the rest of your life with— takes you out to dinner on a random Tuesday and then decidedly backtracks on everything you’ve built together? Your ears are ringing loudly, and you dumbly ask him to repeat himself when he says he wants to take a break.

“So that’s it then. You’ve made your decision and I just have to be okay with losing a year and a half of my life because you aren’t sure if you love me?” Your tone cuts through the fraying tether that holds you two together in the corner booth.

James for once, is at a loss for words. He wasn’t really sure of what to expect when he brought you here tonight, but any reaction to his admission was bound to hurt the both of you. You had to have known about his hesitations. Graduation was three weeks away, and everything was about to change, whether either of you liked it or not. Stupidly enough, James does love you, but that’s not the problem. The proximity he’s had as Head Boy working with Lily Evans makes him wonder if the life he lives is what’s meant for him. It keeps him up at night, gnawing at his resolve and comfort in being with you. He feels ungrateful to have it so easy. Loving you is easy. But the imposter syndrome sneaks into his room late at night in the form of ‘what if’.

“I…it’s just the timing of it all. We’re about to leave Hogwarts, and I don’t want to tie you down if I know I’m unsure of my—our future.”

He reaches out to grab your hand, and many a time ago, his sense of awareness was what you admired about him. You’d both get this familiar feeling of needing comfort, and within a minute, your fingers would intuitively find the other’s like it was second nature. Now, the thought of his touch might make you break his hand off to serve on a silver platter.

“Fuck your timing. If you think it’s as easy as making the decision to just quit while we’re ahead…. I love you. Don’t you…Is that not—” 

You clear your throat, the fire in your indignation being stifled by the whimpering feeling of knowing this was going to happen. The understanding of his plight, the knowing that he wants more. You could see it in the way his eyes wander when you all hang out, and you could feel it when he needs time to himself before bed, letting you back to your common room in the late hours alone. Screw your heart for appealing to his indecisiveness, his fear, when the final blow is aimed at the relationship you both once wanted together. Head Boy and Head Girl share living quarters after all. What chance did you stand against the girl he fell asleep a room away from? Maybe he dreams of her too, what you couldn’t give and what more she has to offer. 

“Tell me something James,” you choke as your body heaves with something akin to nausea. Being lovesick isn’t as romantic as it seems. The hopeless feeling in your tummy throbs as you clench your fists to keep it all down.

“Whatever you want.” 

His reply makes you laugh, desolation gripping your esophagus. Who knew feeling empty would feel like drowning? There is no more air left in your lungs that it almost incapacitates you, your last breath spilling out your final ask of him.

“Do you love me? What did I do?” 

The noise and chatter around you seems to fall silent as he zeroes in on your face, crestfallen from the words that leave your lips. It isn’t your fault, but how can he tell you that? At 18, he’s feeling stifled by the privilege of having his life all planned out for him. He knows people spend their lives searching for contentment but James can’t decipher if he’s right for all of this pressure falling upon his shoulders. The societal heir of his father’s business empire. The face of the upcoming war, bringing in a new generation of soldiers to fight. 

Deep inside, he’s a wild spirit just wanting to live, to be free. And it scares him that you’d follow him to the ends of the Earth, that there isn’t much thinking involved, just doing. The lack of autonomy stifles his soul. How does one know if they’re meant for more? James doesn’t want you to have to suffer the consequences if he can’t figure it out himself.

“I love you honey. So much it hurts me. I just wonder if it’s enough.” 

Your hands clatter onto the table, bumping your half-empty pint of butterbeer as you gather your things, shoving them into your knapsack as his final blow hits your senses. And all he does is watch you, face transfixed as if he sees nothing, like he isn’t making the biggest mistake of his life.

There’s no going back after this, you think silently as you steady your trembling hands. There’s also no way in hell you’ll let him see you cry. Fuck that. Your eyes fall over the curls that drape over the frame of his glasses, his face cradled by candlelight and dear Merlin, do you love this boy. All of him, even the parts that don’t reciprocate the feeling. This is the final snapshot in your memory of him, because this fleeting moment will have to be enough.

“I hope you get everything you ever wanted James. For my sake, I hope I never hear a thing about it.”

Perhaps having the last word will absolve you of the feeling that desecrates your entire essence as you put one foot in front of the other, pushing past the door of the Three Broomsticks and out into the unknown. But it’s not enough.

—

The break in routine absolutely shatters you, if we’re being honest. A year and a half of loving him, and three more before that of liking the slow steady burn that is James Potter…. It’s like looking at the world with new eyes and this window of opportunity with graduation nearing is your chance of starting anew. There’s also the custodial aspect after the end of a relationship, and it’s hard to separate the rest of what’s yours and his in your mind. Your friends are his, and his are yours. It makes quite a predicament to not have things so easy as they consider who to eat lunch with, or who’s dorm to hang out in. Hopefully, things get easier with time but you’re not as confident as you once were.

A part of you feels like you don’t belong anywhere anymore. James is the sun, after all; a natural leader— everyone revolves around his ingenious ideas and the light he brings. He’s the one who always has a plan, and everyone follows in his stead. Where do you fit in all of that? Where do you go?

His parents are likely the loveliest people to ever grace the wizarding world. Euphemia catches you by the arm after the graduation ceremony as you’re about to take the 7th year boat back across the Black Lake. With no family in attendance and no boyfriend to dote on, niceties were expended quick enough to want to run out of there and never look back.

“Darling, are you leaving without a goodbye?” Mrs. Potter smiles, calling her husband over both with grins made of sunlight. 

Somehow it resonates in your brain that it’s finally over, and your lip trembles when they pull you in for a hug that rivals your hunger to be loved. You think that even if your parents showed up today, it wouldn’t have felt this kind.

“Congratulations dearest! We’re so proud of you,” Fleamont rumbles, a big man with an even bigger heart as he brandishes flowers out of thin air to hand to you daintily. You’re going to miss them terribly. Is it wrong to want more of this? But you remember why it’s not as James’s cologne floods your senses and his silhouette creeps into your periphery. Your smile grows smaller as you two stare at each other and breathe the same air for the first time in almost a month. Whatever’s thrumming in your being, he holds the key to. Mr. and Mrs. Potter try to loop you into a photo together, the magical kind that moves to capture a memory so intimately but both of you stand perfectly still as his and your hesitant dismissals go unheard.

Loving hands fuss over both your caps and the way hair sticks out until you feel your shoulders jostle together for a moment and his hand lands on the small of your back. The flash goes off as you two look at each other in something that still resembles love. You can’t unlove him, not in a day, a month, or ever, you think. Not if you’ve bared your soul to him, even if he hurt you. 

You look away first, urging your heart to come back to reality. He’s not yours anymore, and you still love him. Alice told you earlier that he asked Lily out on a date for next Tuesday. What you were supposed to do with that information you’re unsure, but the feeling in your belly helps you say goodbye to the Potters, and clarify that they can keep the picture since you’re not James’ girlfriend anymore. An awkward silence settles over all four of you.

Euphemia rubs your cheek, hushed promises of keeping in touch while Fleamont looks at his son in confusion. James’ hand flexes in the absence of your body against his. He simply watches you walk away again, alone, while he’s surrounded by his friends and his family. The beating of a tiny heart matching your own as you hop onto the boat proves otherwise.

—-

A baby.

You think back to when it must’ve happened, the weekend before that Tuesday, when everything still felt right. With your last exams of your academic career finally done, both you and James were tangled in his silk sheets until dawn, an amalgamation of passionate whispers and lingering touches you could still feel in the days that followed. As you stared at the flutter of his eyelashes and relished the way he pulled you closer in his dream state, you were quite sure that he is, too, tangled within your soul to let go. That your doubts were residual anxiety from preparing for the future. For the first time in a while, you were reaffirmed that the boy sleeping next to you was your forever. Not being careful was a consequence of feeling safe in his arms, and subconsciously, you both hoped that everything would work itself out. As you walked out of the Head Students’ Lounge past noon with James’ hickeys as a necklace and donning your boyfriend’s shirt, you noticed the blush on Lily Evans’ face. You were just so sure, but that felt like forever ago.

Your parents weren’t happy when they came back from their business trip two months after graduation to find you four months along with a prominent bump and filled with so much fear. All plans of getting a job, of moving out, and joining the Order were now replaced with the startling fact that you are 18 and don’t have a single clue on what to do next. Your childhood bedroom feels smaller tonight, with both your parents standing at the door, all of you unsure of what to say. You can’t remember the last time they tucked you in, but as your dad takes a seat on the edge of your bed, it seems possible that maybe you won’t be alone in all of this.

“Whatever decision you make will be the right one, sweetie. If you love that baby, then we do too,” he sniffles, and you don’t recall having ever seen him this emotional before. One thing you are sure of, is this baby is loved, and made from love. The next is that England is not a safe place to raise your baby. 

Somewhere far away, in a hidden place guarded by some of the most experienced wizards, the Order of the Phoenix meets again to determine the future of the wizarding world. James’s eyes dart back and forth from the door to whichever adult is talking about the next mission. You didn’t show up again. All of the meetings so far where he was always the first one to arrive and the last to leave in hopes of getting a glimpse of you, and you never showed. There’s a deep worry that haunts him as the months pass by, and he knows that it would be easy to send you a letter, or to show up at your door, but he’s probably the last person you want to see. 

“We’re going out for a pint, you ready to leave James?” Lily whispers into his ear, arms curling around to his chest. But he’s not ready at all, sat on the sofa with his eyes on the door, just in case. Trying to love someone who’s still in love is a losing battle, Lily thinks, as she watches her boyfriend look like a child missing their favorite blanket. But in a war like this one, no one would be foolish enough to decline company.

“I’ll meet you there,” he smiles, leaning back to kiss her cheek. It’s cruel to both of them, the way he’s acting knowing that Lily won’t ever be you. Every chance he gets to have a moment to himself, he thinks of the despondent look on your face as you walked away from him and his parents that day. No more anger at all, no biting words or the fighting spirit that he knows and loves. Both of you just accepted what was to come.

Sirius and Remus approach him later after everyone’s left that they got word that you moved to America. He thinks of what could’ve been, and the thought of your safety is the only thing that lets his mind rest as guilt pushes and pulls at his heartstrings like waves.

He’s spent these months fighting in the war, loving and losing that he thinks this isn’t anything like the white house and picket fence fantasy you both used to cook up. As he grabs his coat to leave, James wonders if by being away from all of this you’ll get to live the life you want. 

—

“Okay honey, hold on tight to mama.” 

Your little boy was almost bouncing off the pavement with a chocolate covered grin, and it makes you laugh harder than it should. Maybe Florean Fortescue’s was not the way to start off your son’s first trip to Diagon Alley, but your new job at the Ministry starts tomorrow and you’ve been missing your favorite stationery. The town was packed with people with the war having ended and trying to start anew. You haven’t seen any familiar faces and maybe years ago that was a bad thing, but hope spreads over Diagon Alley with strangers smiling at Christopher as he skips on the cobblestone, almost tripping over his own feet at the entrance of Flourish and Blotts. 

He runs forward to explore the store as you smile at your creation, letting him wander along the aisles as you have done years before. Being back here is like walking through a memory, and though it used to be home, you know yours is walking around in tiny bright red shoes that light up like his smile. Your fingers flip through the different quills and parchment on display, and after finding everything you need, you hear your son’s laughter in the opposite corner of the shop. Motherly instincts always prevail as your feet guide you to the sound of his voice, since he’s never been one to shy away from a friendly conversation.

“Did you find everything you were looking for, honey?”

James’ head whips up from the tiny boy he was entertaining with color-changing quills to see you, and he pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose to make sure he’s seeing properly. The both of you go quiet as time stands still, with Christopher chattering at your feet. 

“Mama! Look at this one, it goes rainbow!” he says, tugging at your coat to see the quill in James’s hand. The pieces start to fit together in James’ mind, looking at your pursed lip, then to the sight of this boy smiling with the innocence he had a lifetime ago. This boy, his son, has your eyes. You shake your head rapidly as he intakes a breath of air.

“Honey?” he whispers, knowing that was his name for you.

“So what, he looks like a honey,” you say defensively, grabbing your son’s hand.

He looks like my son, his eyes say—both of you look down to the child who’s all grins and none the wiser piping up.

“My name’s Topher!” 

“Yes it is, and now it’s time to say goodbye to the nice man, okay?” Topher pouts and looks up at his father without even knowing it, handing him the quill. 

“Keep it. I’ll pay for it, and then you can write to me,” he says almost desperately, losing grip of everything that he’s been trying to convince himself for the past 7 years. 

“Don’t be weird, Potter. Don’t…” you shake your head, eyes misting over. Seeing him again brought back everything. It was already overwhelming to have a kid that’s almost the splitting image of him, to learn of a love so pure after one that’s wrecked you to your core, but being here, within arms reach… You’re 18 again and scrambling away from the corner booth trying to get away from the man you love most not wanting you in return.

“Honey, why don’t you give us a minute to talk? Go find me some cool enchanted stickers for me to bring to work tomorrow, okay?” Your baby runs off without even questioning it, his sense of adventure also inherited from his father.

“I’m…so sorry.” James moves closer to you, and you take a step back sighing humorlessly.

“For what? He’s an amazing kid. Even though… he wasn’t planned, I don’t think I could ever see my life turning out any other way.” You shift your weight to your other foot. He looks, successful, if that’s something he would be proud of. He’s wearing an impressive suit, and his eyes are a bit hardened by the past few years, but his charisma, his smile…. He’s still the boy you fell in love with all those years ago.

“I feel foolish. I was so scared to live my life and then here you are raising our child…” 

You blink softly at his words, and it reminds him of your youth, all doe-eyed and full of want. You used to want him like he still wants you. In front of him is a grown woman, a mother who’s strong and filled with memories and love that he should’ve been a part of.

“Things happen for a reason, James. We both did what we had to do.”

His hand brushes yours, and you realize you’ve been without his touch for 7 years. 7 years of being scrubbed clean of James Potter, and not a single regenerated cell in your body has been touched by him. But your son is of him, so you think that no matter how this ends, there will always be a part of you that loves James too.

You extend an olive branch to have him come to your apartment this weekend and get to talk. He knows he doesn’t deserve this kindness, but you know he deserves to meet his son.

—-

The doorbell rings and you take a deep breath as you open the front door, looking up at him holding a teddy bear for Topher.

“He’s still down for a nap. Let’s go sit in the den.” You say quietly. The hallway is filled with pictures of your boy, and of you in different stages these past few years. He stops at a portrait of your parents with Topher being swung between them.

“Your parents….”

“Were supportive; I wasn’t alone,” you muse, knowing he knows of your strained relationship with them back then.

“They actually just retired early last year. Overworked themselves and finally comfortable, so they help out when they can. What about yours?” Trying to make conversation with your ex is terribly hard, but it’s in good spirit and there’s not much to do until Topher wakes up.

“They passed, actually. Mum at the end of the war, and dad 6 months after. Never wanted to be apart, you know that.”

Your face falls at his revelation, “I’m sorry for your loss. They were amazing people. Taught me what it meant to be a parent, for sure.” Amicable silence fills the living room before you clear your throat.

“I have to be blunt, James. What do you want from this? You must be married and busy, so if Topher can’t fit into that….”

“I’m neither of those things, honey. I want to try and see where this goes,” he says scratching the back of his neck. 

Your heart stops at his endearment, catching yourself looking at him seriously. 

“You can hurt me, but I’m not letting you do that to him. Back then, you were all I ever wanted love to be. And then I had my beautiful baby, and I suddenly knew my love meant more.”

“I never wanted to hurt you. It was a mistake, because I was too proud to accept that I had it good. That what I had was meant for me.” James grabs your hands, begging for you to understand. The lost boy he was is a lifetime away from the man sitting in front of you now. Though it’s touching, you keep your heart guarded because the little boy sleeping down the hall is your biggest priority. You hope he can understand that too.

“He’s not a placeholder for your dreams of wanting a family. You have to build that, I did that myself. I’m not going to let you string him along and then once you have a family of your own, you just up and leave.” 

“I know. I was hoping the both of you could be my family, if you give me the chance.” You bite your lip as your thumb runs against his. It’s easier to forgive than to forget. But for Topher’s sake, you can try. 

“Tell me something James,” you whisper, having needed to know this for the past 7 years.

“Why did you throw it all away? Was the idea of loving me…so terrible?” He tilts your chin up, and you think that the earnest look on his face is the closure you needed to properly forgive him.

“I’ve never stopped loving you. Loving you is the best part of knowing you. Do you think I ever forgot about you?” He chuckles lowly, brushing back a strand of your hair, and you think this could be dangerous if you let yourself get too close. 

“I’ve thought about you everyday for the past 7 years, I just didn’t think I deserved you after everything I’ve done. I was so stupid, I am still. But I’m trying to be better.”

“You think of me but dreamt of her. Was it guilt?” Your hand grabs his as you move it away from your cheek, settling onto your lap. The air around you is suffocating.

“It took time for me to figure out that it was intention. Lily was a distraction. You’ve consumed me since the day I met you. My dreams, my thoughts… All of it is you. I choose to think about you as much as I can, because if I didn’t I was scared I’d forget all the good things about us back then.”

You both hear a thump from your son’s room and realize you’re wiping tears away. James stands up when you do, and both pairs of your socked feet pad closer to your son’s room. 

“We start this slow. We make decisions together, and if there’s any inkling I get that he doesn’t want this, it’s done. You understand?” Your hands are firm on the doorknob as he’s standing close behind you, hanging onto every word.

“Every word. There’s no turning back from this.” He wants to ask another question, but before he can, your hand unconsciously finds his and your grip is so comforting that he notices himself sniffle. 

“If it all goes well, and if you want, we can try again. But that’s in the far distant future, James Potter.”

“Anything you want, honey. That’s the future I’ve been dreaming of.” With you. Your lips quirk into a smile as they brush against his cheek.

Slowly opening the door to both watch your son wake up from his nap, your hand pulls James into the room behind you. Quietly, he sits on the edge of Christopher’s bed, and when his son looks up at him, you both notice the little boy beaming like the sun. 

—-

“Everything you love is very likely to be lost, but in the end, love will return in a different way.” -Franz Kafka

taglist: @jsjcue

love me some tunes! i listened to this while writing:

night shift by lucy dacus & about you by the 1975

[roosterr]

love you from afar

note: this has been in my drafts since MARCH. can't decide whether i like it or not lol. @wetsocksinbed angsty fic is up next >:)

pairing: john 'soap' mactavish x gn!reader

wc: 9.5k (oops)

summary: you receive a series of mysterious gifts from a mysterious admirer.

warnings: longing, yearning, pining, best friends to lovers trope, idiots in love, heavy on the idiots part, tooth-rotting fluff

ao3

over the last two weeks, you’ve noticed some odd things happening around you; a good kind of odd, the kind that left you thoroughly confused, but was heartwarming nonetheless.

after going back and forth with it in your mind, you've come to the conclusion that you have a secret admirer. it was odd, and a little hard to believe, but it was the only option that made any sense to you. in all honesty, it was probably just your hopeless-romantic heart clouding your mind with optimism, but one can dream.

the first incident was harmless enough, a small inconspicuous gesture that was so subtle, in fact, that you barely paid it any notice at first.

it was the dead of night, and you’d just returned from a particularly gruelling solo mission, uninjured but bone tired and desperate to collapse into your bed and finally sleep. before you could fall into the blankets, however, you noticed through the darkness of your room something strange.

resting neatly on your pillow, illuminated by the dim light of your phone screen, was a single bar of your favourite chocolate. you didn’t remember buying it, and certainly didn’t remember leaving it there, but it was exactly the kind of pick-me-up you needed after the day you’d had. at the time, you’d chalked it up to you simply being forgetful, devoured the chocolate in record time, and promptly knocked out.

over breakfast the next morning, you'd recounted to the others the mysterious appearing chocolate as a funny anecdote; the five of you had laughed about your terrible memory, and you'd moved on. but now you weren’t on the verge of blacking out, you couldn’t help but think of it as weird.

for the life of you, you couldn’t remember buying the chocolate bar, and it didn’t make sense that you would leave it on your pillow like that. what did make sense, however bizarre it may seem, was someone else leaving it for you – but you had no idea who would do that for you, or why. either way, you didn't imagine that anything else would come from it.

the next incident happened three days later.

during training that afternoon, you were in the middle of running laps around base, when you’d – stupidly – tripped over a ditch in the ground and rolled your ankle pretty badly. it hurt too much to put any weight on it, so you’d sat there in shame with no choice but to wait for a few minutes until gaz and soap caught up to you.

as they rounded the corner, you'd reluctantly waved them over with a grimace at how your ankle was throbbing in your boot. johnny was immediately crouching by your side, abandoning the idea of training to focus completely on you.

"christ, what happened?" he fussed, worry creasing his face and making your own heat up under the attention.

"i tripped…" you mumbled, dragging a hand over your embarrassed expression. it was bad enough that you'd made such a simple mistake, but now the man you were crushing on, hard, was lifting your leg so gently and untying your laces and you were certain you were moments away from cardiac arrest.

he'd ushered gaz away to continue his run, telling him he'd accompany you to the infirmary with a tone that left no room for argument. not that gaz would've, the knowing look he sent you as he jogged away told you he knew exactly what you were thinking.

after making sure nothing was broken, soap had pulled you to stand with an arm around your waist, supporting you with his solid frame when you stumbled. 

"sure y'don't want me to carry you?" he'd teased, earning a laugh from you as you wobbled in his arms. as you chuckled though, you noticed a hint of what seemed like sincerity in his eyes. you'd felt your face burning again at the implication that he really would carry you, if that's what you'd wanted, and quickly started dragging him along with you in an attempt to hide your flustered state. 

he'd kept his arm around your waist the entire way to the medical wing, only releasing you when you were sat in front of the doctor, which did absolutely nothing to calm your racing heart. to your dismay, he couldn't stay with you – you were still in the middle of training, after all. 

"you sure you'll be alright by yourself?" he'd asked as he left, and the concern in his eyes almost finished you off. you were almost glad he didn't stick around to see the effect he had on you.

luckily, after a quick inspection, the doctor concluded that you only had a minor sprain, and you'd be good as new in a couple of weeks. she'd sent you on your way with an ice pack, a crutch, and strict instructions to stay off your feet.

you would've gone back outside to watch the boys (mainly soap) finish the rest of their exercises, but honestly, the embarrassment of what happened had you wanting to curl up with a pillow over your face for the rest of the day; so that's exactly what you found yourself doing.

you must've drifted off to sleep at some point, because once you finally sat up again, the sun had painted the horizon a bright orange, and your stomach had begun to rumble.

as you went to walk out into the hall, you heard the crinkle of plastic under your boot, pausing you mid‐step. when you looked down, you were stunned to find a bundle of three beautiful white flowers – gardenias, you'd found out after googling them later. an incredibly warm feeling blossomed in your chest, and despite your best efforts, your eyes had welled up with tears. you couldn't even think of the last time someone bought you flowers. there was no note attached, meaning you had no way of knowing who had left them for you, which sent your mind back to the chocolate bar from a few days ago.

so i'm not going crazy, you'd thought to yourself, someone really did leave it for me. but still, you had no clue who this mystery gift-giver could be.

you'd carefully picked them up, being mindful of your ankle, and turned back around to put them in your room. there wasn't really anywhere to put them, so you just set them on the ledge of your windowsill and made a mental note to find a vase for them at some point.

when you eventually made it to the mess hall, there were very few people left, leaving the room unusually calm. ghost was sat by himself at one of the far tables, so you hobbled over on your crutch to sit with him while you ate.

you sat down opposite him, and he'd looked up, gave you a subtle nod, and gone back to eating with his eyes fixed on the table in front of him. the two of you ate like that for a while, sitting quietly in each others presence.

ghost had been the first to break the silence, asking you, "how's the ankle?" as he pulled his balaclava back down to cover his mouth.

"just sprained," you'd replied, looking up to meet his eyes. another beat of silence fell over you, before you continued, "did you see who left me those flowers?" you'd asked him; it was worth a shot, you figured not much gets past ghost. to your dismay, he simply shook his head, standing and mumbling a goodbye as he left.

you were only more confused now. if ghost didn't know who it was – and, granted, you wouldn't actually be able to tell if he was lying, but you trusted him – then who would know? the next day, you'd asked the other boys, but they'd all said the same thing, even the captain. so you were left with nothing to do but wonder who on earth could be leaving you these gifts.

after that, it was another four days until your secret admirer struck again.

you'd been in and out of briefings and debriefings and meetings all day, your mind was beginning to numb with all the information that had been unloaded. you were tired; not quite the same exhaustion you'd felt coming back from your mission earlier in the week, though, this time you were at the end of your rope mentally. there hadn't been a moments peace since you got out of bed, and once that excruciatingly long day was over and you were relaxing in the common room, you'd had no energy to actually engage with your friends.

you were nestled into one end of the sofa with gaz next to you, ghost on his other side, and soap in the armchair with a small book in his hands. they were all chatting, with you occasionally saying a thing or two, but you were mostly just zoned out with their conversation serving as white noise in the background.

occasionally, you'd look up and catch soap already watching you, but he'd quickly turn his gaze back down to his book. his attention caused you to be equal parts flustered and confused. if you'd been any more awake, you probably would've asked him if something was wrong, but you were already having trouble keeping your head up as it was.

once you felt your eyes slip closed one too many times, you'd decided it was time to turn in for the night. with a quick 'goodnight' to the others, you'd made a beeline straight for your room – but it was more of a hobble, since your ankle still required you to walk with a crutch.

that night you'd slept like a baby, waking up early the next morning feeling well rested, and thankfully your ankle had even started to feel better. though you still couldn't join the team's training sessions, you had other responsibilities to fulfil, so unfortinately you did have to get up at some point.

you'd just finished lacing up your boots when you noticed it; a single sheet of paper on the ground by your door, folded once in half so you can't see what's written on it. from where it lays, you conclude that whoever left it must've slipped it through the gap under your door while you slept. you'd picked it up and sat back on the edge of your bed to unfold it, your curiosity certainly piqued. it make you wonder, though, what reason someone could have for leaving you a note.

except, when you'd lifted the page it wasn't a note at all. on the slightly wrinkled paper were a number of beautiful pencil drawings – drawings of you. the surprise of seeing your own face staring back at you nearly stopped your poor heart.

the jagged edge on one side of the page indicated that it must have been torn out of a sketchbook, which had interested you even more. you couldn't think of anyone you knew who could draw, let alone who would have a sketchbook dedicated to it.

whoever made this, it was clear that art was a passion of theirs – these drawings were really good. your hair, your eyes, the subtle expression on your features, every line was expertly crafted. it was incredibly flattering, and admittedly boosted your ego a little with how good those sketches made you look.

as you sat there smiling to yourself, you'd glanced up to the three flowers blooming on your nightstand. like the gardenias, the drawings were from your secret admirer, there was no other explanation; and an admirer they were, it was abundantly clear from these sketches that this person had an appreciation for you, if only from afar.

the drawings had been your favourite so far, but unfortunately, it was almost a week until your admirer made another move.

it had been long enough for you to start walking properly on your ankle again, and so you'd been slowly easing back into your workout routine, starting with your morning run. you'd taken it slow with lots of breaks to rest your muscles, but still decided to call it early, which had you back at your locker earlier than usual. as you were rounding the corner to the locker room, you'd heard the door slam closed and a set of heavy footsteps racing down the corridor. you'd only caught a glimpse of whoever it was as they dashed around the other corner, quick enough that you weren't able to see who it was.

you'd been concerned at first, whoever it was had been in a terrible rush, but you'd quickly shaken it off – it wasn't uncommon for people to be rushing around base, especially first thing in the morning. with your own meeting to get to, you'd decided not to dwell on the strange almost-encounter, and carried on with grabbing your towel from the bench and showering.

as you opened the door to your locker to fetch your clean clothes, sitting front and centre on top of them was something you definitely hadn't left there; a bag of your favourite hard candy, unopened, in the space that had been empty not half an hour before. how did these get here? you'd asked yourself, and you stood there confused for a moment or two before the answer came to you.

of course, your secret admirer. you'd felt the familiar giddy excitement bubble up in your chest at the revelation. it had been a while since the page of drawings had been slipped under your door, and it pained you how the gardenias had begun to wilt already. honestly, you'd been slightly worried that they'd given up, or something had happened to them. thankfully though, they seemed to be doing just fine, and you were too with such a pleasant start to your day.

it wasn't until you were sat in the meeting room, munching on your sweets and waiting for the others to arrive, that you realised.

the person, the one who'd been in a hurry as you got back from your run, it was them; that person was your secret admirer. they had to be, you'd concluded, the sweets weren't in your locker when you'd been in there earlier, and you did cut your run short, so they probably hadn't expected you to return so soon – that's why they'd been in such a rush to get away.

the revelation had butterflies swarming in your stomach, the idea of being so close to finding out who it was that held such fond affection for you sparking giddy excitement in you; but at the same time, it filled you with a sickly apprehension.

the problem was that you already knew who you wanted it to be – you had from the beginning – and you worried that uncovering their identity would only lead to disappointment; because there was no possible way john mactavish could feel the same way you felt about him.

soap had always been nothing short of kind and respectful of you, never stepping over the unspoken line if being your closest friend. sometimes, you can fool yourself into thinking he treats you differently – when he checks in on you after missions, when he always saves you a seat next to him in meetings, when he'd practically carried you to the infirmary, all of it ignited a warm feeling in your chest. but then you think about it a little more, and remember that all those nice gestures, that's just who he is. he wormed his way into the heart of ghost, for fucks sake, it was almost impossible not to like him.

you'd been so lost in thought, that gaz sitting in the seat next to you had startled you back to reality.

"gonna share with the class?" he'd asked with a teasing smirk, gesturing to the sweets sitting on the table in front of you. he'd reached out to grab one, but you'd pushed his hand away and snatched the bag to your chest.

"no way," you'd said with a playful glare, sending a quick smile to soap who'd taken the seat on your other side, "these are from my secret admirer, get your own."

gaz paused. "...your fucking what?" he had an incredulous look on his face, and you'd forgotten that you never actually told the others about it. "soap, you hearin' this?"

soap looked almost panicked when you'd turned to him, but he didn't have time to respond, as that was the moment price had walked through the door and announced the start of the meeting.

"i'll explain after," you whispered to gaz, who gave you a pointed look that said 'you better' and turned his attention back to price. you'd stifled a chuckle and looked back at soap, expecting him to have a similar expression, but he was already facing forward. you'd frowned at this; you and johnny would always whisper back and forth during meetings – a way to keep eachother entertained, as well as an excuse for you to sit close to him – but today his face had an odd air of seriousness to it. oh well, you'd thought somewhat downtrodden, just have to talk to him after.

and that's what led you to the present, where you'd been explaining to the boys everything that has happened over the last two weeks. well, you were mostly telling soap and gaz, ghost honestly didn't seem that interested, though the captain did have a rather amused expression as he listened.

"so you have no idea who it could be?" gaz had turned sideways in his chair, leaning forward slightly with his eyebrows raised. he looked to be in disbelief, and you were almost inclined to feel the same.

"nope, not a clue." you sighed, turning from gaz to look at the others around the table. price was standing with his arms crossed, giving you a similar disbelieving look, and ghost had that familiar unreadable look in his eyes.

"someone went in your room while you were gone?" ghost's low voice caught your attention, "bit creepy, innit," he grumbled, his gaze darting between you and somewhere next to you. he did have a point, you supposed, it was a bit weird.

"well… maybe a little, yeah…" you trailed off. perhaps he had a point, but you found yourself not wanting to believe it; all of the mystery person's gestures had been so sweet, thoughtful, it was hard to think they had any ill intentions.

that, and your heart has already made up its mind about who it should be.

"don't be like that, lt., whoever it is meant well, didn't they?" gaz chuckled, the grin evident in his voice.

"christ…" ghost mutters, shaking his head in exasperation.

"it may be a slight invasion of privacy…" you begin; and it's true, but after the first incident, it didn't appear that anyone had been inside your room again. "but it was only once. and it was just a chocolate bar, it's harmless. besides, are you really telling me you've never been in anyone's room when they're not there?" you continued, earning only an eye roll from ghost.

"and you haven't tried to figure out who it is?" price asks from his position standing opposite you, across the table.

"no, i wouldn't even know where to start, it could be anyone…" you try to think of anyone to suspect, but your optimistic mind only draws one name; the object of your affection, who happened to be sitting directly next to you. unfortunately, the two of you were strictly friends – no matter how much you longed for something more.

"i think you should investigate," gaz's smile makes you think for a moment that he knows something that you don't, but you brush it off. he didn't even know about your admirer until you told him, how could he? it wasn't like they were leaving any hints. "whoever it is obviously really likes you."

"you think?" you unwrap another sweet and pop it into your mouth as you consider his words.

"yeah! and, we could even help you investigate," gaz gives the others a hopeful, if slightly suspicious, smirk.

"speak for yourself…" ghost leans back in his chair and folds his arms over his chest, the picture of uninterested, but there was a hint of amusement in his eyes.

"could be a good bonding exercise," price had the same entertained tone in his voice as he looked between the four of you, "any thoughts, soap?"

you hadn't realised until the captain brought attention to him, but soap had been uncharacteristically quiet during all this; since before the meeting, actually. he hadn't said a word to you yet today, which had you a little worried. usually the two of you couldn't shut up when you were together. you turn to look at him, and find him looking wide-eyed back at price.

"i don't– ah, maybe…" he stuttered, looking between price and the table rather than meeting your concerned eyes, "...they're just shy? don't want to be known yet?"

"oh, y'think, mate?" gaz fully laughed at that, sharing a look with both ghost and price that held something you couldn't understand. now you're thoroughly confused.

"well, maybe he's right," uncertainty laced your voice, their reactions throwing you for a loop. "if they wanted to be known, they probably would've shown themselves by now, right?" you turn to soap, who looks like he'd rather be anywhere else – but he meets your gaze with a tiny smile.

"so you're not going to investigate?" you look back at gaz, who has that incredulous look back on his face, and from the corner of your eye you see price and ghost both shake their heads.

"they can show themselves when they're ready, i don't want to push them." your mind was made up; if your secret admirer wanted to reveal their identity, then they would, it's as simple as that.

"but–" gaz tries to argue, but price quickly interrupts him.

"right, enough, you lot, clear out, you've all got work to be getting on with." he gestures for you all to stand, and after grabbing your sweets, you follow the others out of the room.

for the rest of the day, you endured endless amounts of teasing from gaz, and he even got some of the people from other units in on it. it had your face burning when they cooed over how romantic your 'mystery lover' was. you could only pray that they got over it soon, in the back of your mind you were slightly worried the attention might scare off your admirer, and you certainly didn't want that. but although you told the others you'd wait for them to reveal themselves in their own time, you'd be lying if you said you weren't practically dying to know who it was.

✹✹✹

"hey sarge," a voice sounds from beside you, drowning out the din of the mess hall around you. turning your head, you see it's a private; one you don't really know, but you give her a polite smile anyway. "i've got a message for you." she continues, producing a folded piece of paper from behind her back.

"a message? who from?" you ask, taking the paper from her when she holds it out to you.

she giggles, giving you a sly smile, "a secret someone," and with a suspicious wink, she turned around and left.

with the note in your hand, you look to gaz and soap, a baffled expression on your face. "does she mean my… admirer?" they both shrug at you, sharing an equally perplexed look between themselves.

"go on then," gaz says, "what does it say?"

you unfold it, and scan the neat handwriting of the message. soap and gaz watch as you read it, their curiosity overwhelmingly present in the way they leaned forward to try and see.

your face falls, and you frown. the note was signed – 'your secret admirer' – but you couldn't ignore the sinking feeling in your heart.

"what's up? what does it say?" gaz notices the change in your expression, standing up from his chair and leaning fully over the table to read the note himself. you hand it to him, your good mood from this morning completely soured.

"apparently it is from my admirer," you begin, not bothering to hide the dejection in your voice, "telling me to meet them outside in five minutes."

the pair don't say anything, too stunned to form words as they continue to frown at the words in front of them. this can't be right, it just can't be, your mind laments, if johnny is sitting here, that that means he's not–

"seriously? just like that?" gaz interrupts your thoughts. he sounded annoyed underneath his shock, and you find yourself feeling the same way. "sorry, but i find that hard to believe – they didn't even leave a card with the flowers, did they? it just doesn't feel right to me."

you look to soap, who has yet to say anything on the matter. he doesn't meet your eyes, boring holes into the table with the anger in his gaze. your frown only deepens at his expression, the look on his face so unlike him it almost has you forgetting all about the cause.

"who knows," you sigh, plucking the note back out of gaz's hand. "this probably won't take long, i'll–"

"wait, you're going?" soap interjects, the frown on his face set much deeper than your own. his sudden question caught you off guard, paired with his irritated expression, and you almost thought he was angry with you.

"yeah, i mean, what's the harm, right? might as well just get it over with." you stand as you respond, folding the note back up. even if you were setting yourself up for disappointment, you still wanted to at least hear this person out; even if it wasn't him.

"what's the harm?" johnny scoffs – at you or at very idea of all this you aren't sure – and joins you in standing up, throwing his arms out with such annoyance, it catches you off guard. he gestures sharply at the paper in your hand, "this– whoever that is, it's pure shite! you can't see that?"

now it's you who scoffs at him; where is this hostility coming from? yesterday he seemed as though he couldn't care less when you were telling everyone about it, and now all of a sudden, he thinks he has all the answers?

"how would you know?" you shove the note into your pocket, your earlier sadness quickly morphing into annoyance.

as you move to walk away, johnny looks like he wants to say something more, to stop you, and you hesitate. you want him to; whoever your admirer was, whoever that note was from, none of it meant a thing if it wasn't him. all you wanted was for him to look at you the same way you look at him. gaz is looking at him too, subtly gesturing for him to do something, but he doesn't speak, doesn't meet your eyes as your face drops again.

"exactly, you don't. i'll be back in a minute." you huff, and without another word from either of them, you turn on your heel and make your way out of the mess hall.

it's safe to say your mood had swiftly and effectively been ruined. the disillusionment of realising that your secret admirer was someone other than johnny was one thing, but his sudden attitude towards you was the final straw. your face was decidedly sour as you trudge through the corridors, still with a slight limp which was only fuelling your annoyance for how your day was going. 

the cool air of the courtyard makes your skin bristle as you push the door open, taking a moment to survey the area as you stand in the entryway. to the left stands a lone figure, and you recognise his face, but – like the private from earlier, who you assume is his friend – you can't remember ever having spoken to him. with a deep sigh, you blink away bitterness in your expression and make your way over to him.

his grin is wide as he shamelessly checks you out while you approach, and you instinctually cross your arms over your chest. you come to a stop in front of him, frowning in a look that you hope screams uninterested.

"hey, sarge." he has an overly confident air to him as he speaks, shuffling closer under your scrutinising stare. of course he wouldn't take the hint.

"so it's you, then?" you ask, your voice flat and void of any emotion. you just wanted this to be over with, but it seemed luck just wasn't on your side today.

"it's me," he confirms, the blinding grin still plastered to his face as he inches even closer, "you surprised?"

"yeah, actually. i didn't know you were an artist." you reply, voice flat, and you watch him blink once in surprise. you raise a brow at his bewilderment, your patience already wearing painfully thin. he chuckles awkwardly in an attempt to hide how you so obviously caught him off guard.

"ah, yeah i uh–" he stutters, but you cut him off before he can make too much of a fool of himself.

"in fact, i don't actually know you at all. i couldn't recall your name even if you held a gun to my head." the hiss in your voice reveals just how over this whole situation you are. he opens his mouth to spout something else you have no interest in hearing, the sleazy grin falling from his face, but you hold a hand up to silence him. "so i'd really appreciate it if you left me alone."

"but–"

"and stay out of my room, and my locker, too. if it happens again, you're getting reported." you spit the final words at him, and turn on your heel to leave. before you can take another step, he grabs your elbow and spins you back around to face him, causing your ankle to twist awkwardly, which sends a fresh jolt of pain up your leg. you hold back a groan and fix him with a deadly glare instead.

"hey, c'mon, don't be like that!" you wince as he practically demands, getting much closer to you than was necessary, even with you arching backwards to put some space between you. "at least gimme a chance,"

"just leave me alone." you hiss, pulling your arm out of his grip and before he has the chance to do or say anything else, you hurry back the way you came, your limp noticeably more pronounced than earlier. thankfully, the private – jackson, you’d just about been able to read on his jacket – didn’t follow you back to the mess hall, which proves that he has at least half a brain. you hoped that he’d take the hint to stay away from you, but somewhere in the back of your mind you were preparing yourself to be hassled by him in the coming days; he certainly seemed the type.

you were gone less than ten minutes, but in that time most of the lunch crowd had cleared out, leaving the room a lot quieter than it had been. as you shuffle towards soap and gaz, still sitting at the same table, they both turn to look at you, and you can tell by the way both their expressions drop that they sense something is off.

"what happened?" gaz asks as you take your seat across from them, trying to hold back a wince when you put too much strain on your ankle, "your face says it didn't go well."

you sigh, looking between both of them, lingering on soap who’s already watching you with an intensity that has your face heating up. "it didn’t. it was just some private who can’t take no for an answer." you grumble, resting your cheek in the palm of your hand.

"your ankle okay?" soap asks, holding your gaze until you relent and look away first. you want to tell him not to worry, but you find it's impossible to lie to him, not when he's looking at you like you're the only person in the room. "what happened?" he presses, his voice taking on a dangerous tone.

"its nothing, he just– i just twisted it a little." you trip over your words under his stare, looking to gaz for help, but you find that he has a similar – albeit less intense – look of concern on his face. the silence hangs between you for a moment as you wordlessly try to convince them, but they see through you. "alright, fine. when i was leaving, he grabbed my arm and pulled me back, and i pulled my ankle."

if johnny had been pissed before, he was furious now; his eyes were dark underneath his furrowed brow, his lips turned down in a frown that looked more like a snarl. to see someone usually so easygoing with such a threatening look on his face was almost worrying, the only reassurance being that you know it's not directed at you.

"that prick… who was it?" gaz isn't nearly as affected as soap, but he's clearly annoyed by the audacity of the private. you shake your head, urging them to just let it go; he wasn't worth the trouble, after all.

when johnny says your name in that deep, gravelly tone, your heart skips a beat and your eyes snap to meet his. "who was it." he asks, but it's not a question anymore, and every fibre of your being is telling you to just give in to him.

"jackson. i don't know his first name…" you mutter, slightly flustered by the way he's acting. the tension in the silence that follows is nearly suffocating. from where his arms rest on the table, you notice johnny repeatedly clenching his fists, seemingly having some sort of internal battle with himself.

"what a bellend…" gaz grumbles, pausing for a moment to shake the disgust from his face. "so, what about the whole 'secret admirer' thing then?" he leans back in his chair, eyes darting to soap's profile then back to you.

"i don't know…" you sigh, "didn't really seem like something he was capable of, but i guess i don't really know him, so–"

"yeah, he doesn't seem the type, does he?" gaz interjects, with a newfound energy at your words. you narrow you eyes, sensing an ulterior motive, but let him continue. "i mean, buying you flowers, sweets– seems a bit too thoughtful for such a twat."

his jab coaxed a laugh from you, "maybe; i guess i was pretty disappointed when i saw it was him, though."

"oh yeah? expecting someone else, were you?" gaz has a grin on his face, one that has you worried that he's clocked on to your true feelings.

"something like that…" you clear your throat, suddenly feeling a little too seen for your liking. "anyway, i'd better get going, desk duty is no joke," you slowly stand up, making sure to be careful of your newly irritated ankle, and adamantly avoiding eye contact with either of them.

"yeah, me too, cap said he needs my help with something." gaz stands as well, giving soap a pat on the back and a suspicious wink as he walks off, which you willfully choose to ignore.

"you gonna be okay?" johnny comes to your side as you shuffle around the table, his hand brushing over your back to support you. butterflies begin to flutter at the feeling, and you scold yourself for being so easily affected. he seems to have calmed down a lot, the anger from earlier overtaken by his concern.

"yeah, i'll be fine, i think i'll just have to grab my crutch," you smile at him and take a step forward, wincing as you shift your weight from one foot to the other.

"c'mon, lemme help you," he tilts his head to meet your eyes, his worry evident within them. his hand is warm on your back, you have to hold yourself back from leaning into him. "cannae have you hurtin' yourself any more."

"you sure? don't you have work to do too?" you have every intention of taking him up on his offer, but you couldn't help feeling guilty for needing his help like this.

"i'm sure lt. can survive a few extra minutes," johnny gives you a reassuring smile, already ushering you out of the mess hall.

"well, don't blame me when has your head," you grin back at him, relishing in the comfortable feeling of being so close to him. distracted by his proximity, you momentarily forget about your injury and without thinking, you put too much weight on it as you take a step. with a pained gasp, you wobble on your good foot and pause to give your ankle a break.

johnny moves his arm to sit securely around your waist, gently pulling you to lean fully against him. "you sure you don't want me to take you to the infirmary?" he asks, lifting your arm to wrap around his shoulders.

"no, no– they're just gonna tell me to rest, and i'll be sitting down all day anyway," you move to continue on your way to your room, but he stays put. 

"you should still get it looked at, might be–"

"johnny." you stop him with a hand on his chest, "i'm okay."

you watch his adams apple bob as he gulps, his eyes flickering to where your hand is touching him and back up to your own, almost too fast to notice.

"right, right. sorry." he dips his head, breaking eye contact. you pull him gently, and the two of you start walking again. "you know jackson well?"

you scoff, frowning as you recall the events of earlier. "what? no, before today i didn't even know his name. he seems like kind of an arsehole, to be honest."

"really? made that bad of an impression, eh?" his lopsided smile feels oddly smug, but you decide not to overthink it.

"like i said, can't take a no." you grumble, pinching the bridge of your nose with your free hand, "i doubt this is the last time i'll have to deal with him…"

"he's not gonna bother you." johnny states, with a finality that is as stunning as it is comforting.

"...if you say so." you don't press any further, wanting to simply move on and forget about the whole thing. you'd gladly never think about that arrogant private again.

before you know it, the two of you are standing in the hall outside your room. his grip around your waist loosens as you push open the door, and you're all too aware of the cold feeling left behind as he lets go.

"thank you, for helping me." you shoot him a grateful smile, grabbing your crutch from where it leant against the wall, propping it under your arm.

"course," johnny pauses, looking past you to something in your room. "you… kept the gardenias?" he asks, his voice quiet, almost disbelieving. you tilt your head, a silent question, but he's still staring at the flowers.

"yeah, they're…" you begin, but his words have you pausing too; he didn't seem like the kind of person to be interested in floristry, you'd certainly never heard him say anything about it before. but somehow, he'd identified the flowers on your end table with no problem. "...they're nice. i like them, even if they do look a little sad now."

when he finally meets your eyes again, there's a distinct redness to his face that wasn't there before, and you feel your heart beginning to race with renewed hope. it could be that he just likes flowers, but if he already knew they were gardenias, maybe he…

"right, i, uh– i should get going, or ghost might actually kill me." johnny's voice had a dazed quality to it when he spoke.

"alright, i'll see you later then," you give him a small smile as you step back into the hall next to him. the two of you look at each other for a moment before you speak again, holding back a laugh, "you gonna go, or just stand there all day?"

your words seem to snap him out of the trance he’d been in, and he shakes his head in an almost comical manner, "right! right, sorry, bye!" he sputters, waving over his shoulder as he jogs away. you chuckle to yourself as he goes, and start walking the opposite direction to get started with your own work.

✹✹✹

you didn't see soap again until the next day, considering that he was strangely absent from mealtimes both last night and today. thankfully the incident from the day before hadn't done any further damage to your ankle, so you were up and about without the need for your crutch after a good night's rest.

you'd just dropped off a folder of paperwork in price's office – which you'd completed in fairly good time, thanks to being stuck behind a desk for nearly two weeks – but as you descend the staircase, you're almost knocked over by someone flying around the corner. you caught yourself with a hand on the railing, blinking away your surprise and glaring at whoever had carelessly bumped into you.

much to your chagrin, it was jackson, and you feel your face naturally falling into a frown at the realisation. you’d been expecting him to try and change your mind about yesterday, but true to johnny’s words, he had yet to bother you about it; actually, you hadn’t seen him at all since then, not even at breakfast or lunch, but it's not as if you were complaining. 

though, as you stare down at him from the step above, you notice a deep purple bruise decorating his cheekbone that definitely wasn’t there yesterday. your frown turns from malice to confusion as you wonder how he could have gotten it in the span of less than a day, it looked like he’d taken a serious punch. you couldn’t say you felt bad for him, but it did look painful.

"listen, about yesterday… i- i lied,." jackson mutters, eyes glued to the floor to avoid your own. he was shuffling in place, as if he was preparing to bolt at any second. your eyes narrow as you process his words.

"what?"

he clears his throat. "i lied. it wasn’t me, i just said it was because one of the guys bet me i couldn’t get you to go out with me." he admits. the way he keeps avoiding your eyes, glancing around like he was waiting for someone to jump out at him has you a little suspicious, but your heart still soars when you realise what he means.

jackson wasn't your secret admirer, so your hopeless romantic heart could still dream that it was johnny. the flutter of butterflies even distracts you from the insulting notion that he only wanted to go out with you for a bet.

"seriously?" you ask, your shock evident in your voice as you stare him down. finally his eyes land on your own, an embarrassed grimace overtaking his nervous expression. it's a stark, satisfying difference to his arrogant overconfidence from before.

"yeah. i’m sorry, okay? i don’t want any trouble, it was just–" he cuts himself off, but when you give him a questioning look, he can't tear his eyes from the space behind you, and only mumbles what sounds like a ‘sorry’ before scurrying off back the way he came. you watch him go, thoroughly confused by the whole interaction, but not a moment later a voice from where he was staring brings you out of your thoughts.

"y’alright? little shit wasn’t botherin’ you, was he?" soap's voice cuts through the quiet, and you turn to see him descending the stairs to stand next to you.

you shake your head, "no, no, he just–" you hesitate, your mind going back to yesterday and the gardenias. "he lied, it wasn't him."

"really?" he asks, but his voice doesn't sound surprised at all. you're not sure if you imagined it, but for a moment his expression changes into something like satisfaction.

"yeah, he was about to say something else too, but he just ran off," you sigh, walking down the last few steps. soap follows close behind, a hand hovering near your back. "did you see that bruise on his face? wonder how he got it…"

"looked nasty, eh?" a laugh escapes him, and you admire the way his lips curve, the creases around his eyes as his smile reaches them. "maybe he finally got what was comin' to him."

his face was close to yours, a lot closer than you could reasonably handle without losing your nerve and making a fool of yourself. realising you had yet to respond, you clear your throat and start walking down the corridor, your eyes to the floor and a burning in your cheeks.

"if he never speaks to me again, it'll still be too soon…" you grumble, willing your heart to calm down as he comes up next to you in a few long strides. "anyway, what have you been up to? i haven't seen you all day." with a quick glance, you see the easy smile he has falter slightly.

"i was, ah–" he avoids your eye as he stops himself, a beat of silence passes before he continues "nevermind, i– i was… looking for you." your heart skips a beat, but you scold it for being so eager; the two of you were teammates, friends, he could be looking for you for any number of reasons.

"looking for me? what's up?" you turn your head to face him as you walk, a curious tilt to your brow.

johnny comes to a stop, and so do you a moment after. he looks at you, fidgety and shifting on his feet, with his hands stuffed in his pockets. the look on his face is unsure, uncomfortable, like he was debating running off like jackson had done a minute ago.

he's nervous, that much you can tell. but despite the slightly awkward tension, you you wait for whatever it is he's struggling to say.

"i… uh– y'know what, i actually forgot." johnny hangs his head, pulling his hands from his pockets and scratching the back of his neck.

at his words your heart sinks, and you can't help the disappointed look that takes over your expression. "oh? are you–"

before you can finish, he drops a hand on your shoulder and steps ahead of you, turning around so you're face to face. "listen, ghost is waiting for me, so i gotta run," he smiles again, but it's weaker this time, almost forced as it doesn't quite meet his eyes.

"right… better not keep him waiting."

"right," his reply is short, and the tension between you only grows every moment he avoids your eyes. "i'll see you later though, promise." he flashes you another false smile, gently patting your shoulder, before turning on his heel and swiftly escaping down the corridor.

"bye, johnny." you release a sigh, from longing or exasperation you're not sure, watching his form disappear through the doors.

✹✹✹

despite his promise, once again you don't see soap for the rest of the day. at dinner you'd questioned ghost on his whereabouts, but he only told you that he had no idea either. this time however, you got the strong feeling he was lying to you.

still though, you couldn't find it within yourself to be annoyed with him. you could see clear as day that something was going on with johnny, and if he didn't want to confide in you about whatever it is, then you certainly won't be the one to push him.

having finished today's obligations, you decided to head straight to your room once you'd finished eating. you open your door, a sigh escaping you as you prepare to collapse for the night, and stop dead in your tracks.

a folded sheet of paper lays in front of you, standing out against the emptiness of your floor, crumpled like it had been screwed up and flattened out again. a sense of déjà vù overcomes you, for last week, when you'd received the sketches of yourself in the same way. for a moment all you can do is stand there, staring at the paper, processing.

eventually, you do step into your room, shutting the door quietly behind you and picking the paper up from the floor. you keep it folded until you're sitting on the edge of your mattress, hands shaking ever so slightly with the anticipation.

you're not sure what to think, as you sit burning holes in the paper with your stare. after yesterday, you thought you were done with the idea of your secret admirer; but then again, jackson had admitted to you earlier that he'd lied when he met you yesterday, and the whole reason you weren't as interested after that was because your pipe dream of the mystery person being johnny had been shattered. but now that the identity of your admirer was once again a mystery, you couldn't help but want to dream like that again. 

with a defeated groan, you decide to just rip off the bandaid and read the note. you unfold it, immediately noticing the scratchy handwriting – the opposite of the note jackson gave you, so thankfully it couldn't be from him.

you hear your heartbeat in your ears as your eyes scan the words in front of you.

i stayed up all night trying to write this note, but nothing i came up with felt good enough, so i'm just going to say it. i'm your secret admirer. i know you probably won't believe me after that bastard yesterday, but i need you to know anyway. i used to think that love just wasn't my thing, that i'd never find someone i wanted to spend my life with, but that changed when i met you. i didn’t realise it at first, but it's always been you. you're my person, and i can't hide it anymore. i love you. maybe i'm a coward for giving you a note instead of telling you face to face. but if you don't feel the same, you can throw it away, or burn it or something, and i'll never bring it up again. your heart, johnny

the silence in your room borders on deafening as you sit completely still, reeling from what you'd just read. you didn't realise you'd stopped breathing until you release a shaky breath.

all this time, it was johnny.

every longing glance, every touch that lingered just a little too long, the racing pulse every time he says your name; it was all reciprocated.

every time you thought you could never have him as anything more than your best friend, you were wrong.

he cared enough to leave you a pick-me-up after a hard mission, buy you flowers when you got injured, draw you the way he saw you, gift you things he took the time to notice you like.

all this time… he'd felt the exact same way you do.

you set the note down next to you, bringing a shaky hand up to cover your mouth that had fallen open in shock. there was only one thing to do, in your mind, and that was to run into johnny's arms and make up for all the lost time you've spent pining over him.

in seemingly no time at all, you find yourself standing at johnny's door, your fist poised to knock. theres a moment of hesitation, but before your apprehension can cloud your mind, you let your knuckles rap on the wood once, twice, three times, and take a step back as you wait for a response. after a second or two – which felt a lot longer than it actually was – you hear the sounds of footsteps from inside.

another moment passes, and you assume johnny is standing on the other side with his heart in his throat just like you, short-lived before he finally swings the door open.

he looks at you, eyes wide and like a deer caught in headlights, the way he holds himself uncharacteristically shy as you stare each other down.

"the note," you finally murmur, and johnny almost flinches, clearly fighting the urge to look away from you. "tell me you meant it." you continue, taking a miniscule step closer to him. you hear his breath catch in his chest.

"every word." he whispers, gaze flickering down to your lips and back up to your eyes again, and your heart misses a beat.

with no hesitation this time, you hook your arms around his neck and pull him towards you, crushing his mouth against yours in a desperate kiss that's as much teeth as it is lips.

johnny groans into your mouth, his hands flying to your waist as he turns and walks you backwards into his room. the door gets kicked shut behind him once he's got you inside, neither of you breaking apart more than enough to draw a single ragged breath before meeting in the middle again. with another needy whine into you he pushes you up against the wall, caging you in with his broad shoulders and his arms around your waist.

the weight of his arms around you, the feeling of his stubble prickly against your face, the softness of his lips against yours; it's everything you've been waiting for, and now you finally have him, he tastes sweeter than you could've ever imagined.

the two of you stay like that for moments that feel like hours in each other's embrace, only pulling away when your lungs are burning and your lips are swollen. leaning your head back against the wall, his eyes meet yours with such adoration it sends your heart fluttering all over again.

"i'll take that as a good sign," he mumbles, a lopsided grin lifting his features. his joy is so infectious you can't help but mirror his expression as you drop your head to rest on his shoulder.

his chest rumbles with an airy, disbelieving laugh and he tugs you impossibly closer, resting his cheek against the side of your head. standing chest to chest now, you can feel the hammering of his heart against yours and the way his skin burns under your touch.

"you’re my person too," you murmur into him, one of your hands moving up to tangle in the strands of his mohawk, "always have been."

johnny's arms wind tighter around you as he releases a deep, content sigh. he's hugged you countless times before but somehow, this feels different while still staying exactly the same. the heat radiating from him is soothing like it always has been, the knowledge that your feelings are reciprocated only making it that much sweeter.

"why'd it take us so long, eh?" he utters, tender and loving in the way he runs his hands over your back and sides.

"we're just idiots…" you reply, "gaz is gonna have a field day with this."

johnny laughs again, pressing his lips to the side of your head so you can feel his smile. "oh, he clocked us a long time ago, bonnie."

you can't help but groan as you imagine how gaz will tease the both of you for how oblivious you've both been.

he lifts you up by his grip around your waist, carrying you over to his bed and flopping down onto his back with you on his chest. a satisfied groan escapes him as he settles, burying his face into your hair and inhaling a deep breath.

you're enveloped by the scent of him – gunpowder, and the faint smell of something burnt, but it's pleasant and familiar nonetheless.

"yer stayin' with me tonight, non negotiable." he murmurs, running a hand up and down the length of your spine.

"fine by me." you tilt your head up to meet his eyes, and find them already locked on you. "so, about jackson…"

johnny scoffs, lightheartedly frowning in response. "yer gonna bring his name up while yer in my bed?"

"he looked really spooked when he saw you earlier," you begin, smoothing your hand over his chest. his eyes widen at your words, his hand freezing as he looks away from you with a distinctly guilty expression on his face. you narrow your eyes, holding back the amused smirk pulling at your lips. "johnny… did you…"

he clears his throat, and by the way he can't hold your gaze for more than a second you can tell he knows he's been caught. there's no stopping the laugh that bubbles up from your chest at his reaction.

"...i may have, uh– potentially put some fear o'god into the little bawbag…"

"soap!"

[blackdollette]

"sobbing in my cup of coffee,

ㅤㅤㅤ'cause i fell for another loser."ᝰ r.c.

in my feelings. - lana del rey

⊹₊⋆ synopsis: "just another one of those shitty pogues" he said...

⊹₊⋆ pairing: pogue!waitress!female!reader x toxic!rafe

⊹₊⋆ word count: 1.2k

⊹₊⋆ contents: slight "enemies to lovers" (ish), a few sexual themes, obvious tension, rafe being a potential sweetheart / hopeless romantic ( finally locked the fuck back in and started writing again! )

nervousness; the single emotion which had never graced the dynamic psyche of rafe cameron.

he often flipped through the long list in his mind during the long nights he’d lay sleepless in his bed.

anger? check. regret? absolutely. extreme and often irrational hatred toward pogues? without a doubt. 

it was no secret that if he viewed someone like scum, he would sure as hell treat them like it. it was safe to say that there probably wasn’t a single pogue left in the outer banks who hadn’t gotten shit from him in one way or another. however, you were the painfully obvious outlier…

you were never an unfamiliar subject for him. you’d gotten along well with his sister, been in his father’s good graces, and were just pretty enough to earn yourself an unofficial spot in the country club. to him, you were just about the furthest thing from a pogue he’d ever seen, but your clean white converse sneakers and designer denim shorts didn’t make you any more valid in his eyes.

he’d had it in him to give you a piece of his mind long ago. to tell you to go back to your side of the island, treat you like the dirt he thought your kind was, and maybe even give you a good beating once the sun had gone down. no matter how much that pretty face of yours sent his heart to cloud nine, he hated your guts more than any other pogue on the planet. or at least, he wanted to.

but you were the one girl on the planet who smoothed out his jagged edges.

as you swiftly travelled through the cafe, a tray in your hand as you dashed to deliver miscellaneous foods, drinks, and desserts to various tables, rafe’s eyes intently followed your every move, like a timid predator watching a particularly elusive prey.

this little routine of his went as follows: him and two of his hot-headed friends would just-so-happen to stumble into the exact cafe you worked at on the exact day at the exact time and take a seat at the concealed booth at the back, he’d feign oblivious offence when you begrudgingly took his order, and spectate you for the rest of the night, not even daring to blink in fear of missing the many times your skirt would ride up your exemplary figure, revealing just enough of your thighs to make his gut churn.

kelce whistles lowly as his eyes follow you from across the cafe, painfully less subtle than ideal. “man… that ass sure is somethin’ special, i’ll tell you that much.” he mutters under his breath with a laugh, elbowing rafe in the side.

however, the laugh quickly diminishes as rafe shoots a razor-sharp glare that could cut diamonds, his voice dropping an octave as he takes his friend’s shirt by the collar and whispers in his ear.

“listen to me, and listen good. i didn’t bring you over here to gawk at my woman, you hear? utter another word about her, and i’ll skin you.”

unlike most of his words, this threat was far from empty. the possessiveness in his voice was almost laughable, especially considering the fact that the only time you even looked in his direction was when you served him a drink. his obsession with you had started when you were both young, two kids who would stupidly practice kissing each other and share tight, fearful hugs in the darkness of his bedroom whenever a storm would break.

but like everything in life, it all had to go sour eventually. he began to care too much about his image and status in society while you still wanted to spend long nights with him surfing on the waves. the differences between you two only became more prominent from that point forward.

you were too emotional, he was too apathetic. he became an asshole, you became a bitch. you were saving yourself for marriage, and he considered a girl a prude if she denied him a blowjob on the first date. it was no wonder the hatred between the two of you was so strong. 

but despite this, business was business. and if you wanted to collect your paycheck at the end of the month, you’d have to serve the elephant in the corner of the room sooner or later.

“hot coffee, no cream, no sugar.” you mutter flatly, reciting the same item he’s ordered every night for the past 6 months. you take the hot mug off your tray and set it down in front of the blonde, his eyes locked on your unamused expression.

you were even prettier up close. 

the thought passed through his mind as his gaze travelled from your bright eyes to your perfect lips, going further until they reached the forbidden territory that hid under your skimpy apron.

“that’ll be $9.99.” you say sternly, snapping his gaze away from your chest, cursing yourself for not choosing less-revealing attire.

rafe’s eyes narrowed as they rose back to your eyes, his expression conforming to a scowl. “what? a black coffee is only five dollars!”

you rolled your eyes with a scoff. “being a perv costs extra. that’s the price of not having any goddamn decency.”

you knew how to rile him up, and that was by threatening his money. normally, he’d beat the tar out of any organism that even thought of squandering money from him, but you could barely fight the smirk that tugged at your lips as he attempted to sputter out a protestant response. naturally, he couldn’t say a word with you looking down at him like that, smiling ever so slightly at the conniption he began to have.

he tutted with disapproval, shaking his head as he dug into the pocket of his designer denim jeans, pulling out his leather wallet. he fished his fingers into the largest compartment, pulling out a fresh, uncreased twenty-dollar bill. he slammed it on the table, pushing it toward you and mumbling with defiant defeat. 

“...keep the fuckin’ change.”  

a smile lit up your face as you accepted the bill, stuffing it into your bra just so you could watch his cheeks flush once more. 

you smiled sweetly as you picked up your tray from the table, speaking to the boys in a faux-submissive tone.

“if anything is not to your liking, you know who to call.”

with that, you sauntered away, leaving rafe to stare at you from behind as he sulked, his elbow resting on the table as he stared into his reflection in the dark pool of liquid that sat in front of him. “...nothing but a shitty pogue, is what she is…”

he muttered to himself, hating how much he kind of liked it when you bitched at him. he wanted to shout at you and kiss you and shut you up as he drowned you in the love that he had concealed from you for all these years. if he truly wanted to, he could’ve even followed you behind the counter and finally recite the confessional speech he had been practicing for months.

but instead, he huffed quietly, looking back at the loser who stared right back at him in his cup of coffee.

[trentsgirl]

— 🤍 ⋆⭒˚｡⋆ (part two to stupidly in love with you)

⟡ summary: after being banned from the next match, jude decided to drown his sorrows in alcohol. as you accompanied him on his way home, he shared something with you.

⟡ content: friends to lovers, very fluffy, mentions of kissing, no cliffhanger this time, around nine hundred words.

⟡ streaming: better by zayn.

⟡ masterlist, part one, part two.

escorting jude back to his home was quite tiring and draining. it felt like you had walked for ages until you finally managed to get him to bed.

jude quickly fell asleep, dozing off as soon as his head touched the pillow. you couldn’t help but smile softly at the sound of his snores, although it quickly faded as you noticed the mess in his room.

being someone who values cleanliness, you promptly began tidying up jude’s room, making sure to be as quiet as possible. you didn’t want to risk waking him, especially considering how intoxicated he was. you didn’t want him to start rambling endlessly again.

after folding the last of the numerous t-shirts strewn on the floor, you closed the closet and were just about to leave his room when jude unexpectedly grabbed your wrist as you walked by the bed.

you were taken aback as jude quietly uttered, “don’t go..”

you couldn’t fathom how jude had sensed your intention to leave, but you knew he wouldn’t provide a clear explanation as he was about to drift off to sleep again.

“uhm, jude, i need to head home. it’s really late.” you whispered, trying to gently release his hold on your wrist, but was left astonished by his strength even in his drowsy state.

jude struggled to contain his emotions and actions, but he was certain about one thing - he wanted you to stay with him. he longed for your presence, not just tonight, but every night.

“don’t leave, please..” he murmured, his eyes opening to reveal a pleading gaze that instantly melted your hopeless heart.

jude was your achhilles’ heel, and you despised the power he held over you.

typically, you wouldn’t hesitate to share a bed with jude. it had occurred a few times during your friendship, like on vacations or when he traveled for football.

however, this time was different. because this time he confessed his feelings for you.

but, seeing him so vulnerable was agonizing, and it pained you physically.

in a moment of weakness, you gave in, sighing as you slipped under the covers. thhe warmth from both the blanket and jude’s body heat enveloped you.

he wasted no time in clinging to you and you made no effort to push him away, exuding excitement like a little boy who had just been given candy. your heart started racing, and heat crept up your cheeks. there was no way you could drift off to sleep in this state.

the room fell into a brief silence before jude broke it, his voice sounding more alert. “i wasn’t lying, you know... when i said i love you.”

his voice resonated with such sincerity that it tugged at your heart. as you lay on your side, your gaze fixated on the man who held your deepest affections. the intensity in his eyes implored you to trust him, to believe in his words.

curiosity compelled you to pose a question, testing the depths of his emotions. “when did you first realize that you loved me?” you inquired.

without hesitation, jude responded with unwavering honesty. “i’ve loved you for longer than i care to admit, y/n. perhaps it was that night we spent together in greece, or the time you told me i was the one you trusted most. but i was afraid of ruining what we had, or lose you, so i kept my feelings to myself.”

his heartfelt admission crashed over you like a powerful wave, leaving you stunned and overwhelmed. your cheeks flushed, and you found it difficult to maintain eye contact, fearing that your emotions would be too transparent.

for years, you had convinced yourself that jude would never view you in a romantic light.

he had been involved with other women, introducing you to so many that you had lost all hope for a romantic connection between the two of you.

the realization that jude reciprocated your feelings brought both a sense of bliss and trepidation. it was a mix of emotions - the joy of knowing that you no longer had to conceal your love, and the fear of what this newfound vulnerability might entail.

“you won’t ruin or lose me,” you assured him, reclaiming your gaze and locking it with his. determined to convey your reciprocal feelings, you boldly caressed his cheek, bridging the distance between your lips.

a sudden hitch in his breath revealed his anticipation and exhilaration coursing through his veins.

“you’ll always have me, jude.” you whispered before finally uniting your lips with his, cherishing the electrifying sensation that passed between you.

jude’s initial surprise quickly faded as he responded with equal fervor. he settled the rhythm of the kiss into a tranquil and unhurried rhythm, as if he wanted to savor every moment. it became evident that jude had no intention of letting you slip away after this. he was determined to make you his, forever.

the sensation of his lips against yours surpassed any expectations you had. it felt like pure bliss, surpassing even your wildest imagination. in this moment, you wished that time would stand still, never allowing you to return to a time before experiencing the euphoria of his kiss.

with a gentle separation, you finally uttered the words he longed to hear:

“i love you too.”

jude’s face broke into a triumphant grin, his heart leaping with joy. he had sensed your reciprocation from the moment your lips met, but he couldn’t contain his excitement.

lovingly pressing a kiss against the tip of your nose, he responded with a tender smile, “i know, baby. i know.”

[aurae-rori]

Wanna ask if you have any headcannons for aventio modern au

( cause I am obsessed with modern aus)

hellyeah brother i'm here to serve the masses

hcs about ratio:

still a doctor still has 8 phds

knows about student debt and hates it with a burning passion

has a duck keychain that he puts on his keychain with all of his keys like the keys to his house

once crushed a soda can in his hands during his student years bcs he was that fucking mad about the homework questions not being stated in a clear manner (he just like me fr)

has several duck plushies in his bed and theyre all named after either greek philosophers or roman politicians

can speak latin fluently and mutters curse words and creative expressions in latin during the classes that he teaches because he is that pissed off

used to be a full time doctor, but decided to turn to teaching instead after some time

hyper-empathy due to childhood neglect (he just like me fr)

eyebags that he covers up with makeup, he still has those from his student years and cant fucking get them to leave no matter how many hours he sleeps for

enjoys occasionally a rum & coke

really likes lattes and london fogs

had a british accent once because he travelled to the uk and picked up on it, when he came back he was mortified

fucking loves ducks so much he has a camera roll dedicated to duck photos

he got to pet a duck once he was happy for the rest of the week thats how much he loves them

massive nerd & dork

undiagnosed autism with a side of gifted child trauma

really likes jazz and lofi it calms him down fast and makes him happy

wrings his hands when he's really happy

touch starved

makes really good soup

hopeless romantic

more mentally unstable than you think he is. he is actually suffering from burnout but doesnt want to let people around him down.

doing his best. sometimes on the weekends he just nestles into a cocoon of blankets and refuses to leave. texture....

cannot not wear socks he will die without them

cat magnet for some reason??? all neighbourhood cats are at his doorstep even when he and aven already have three. ig hes just cat dad now

aventurine hcs:

still has those glasses, his eyes are more sensitive to light too

really fucking likes fluffy stuff he loves the fluffy he loves the fluffy he-

big fan of sheep and peacocks

eternally terrified that ratio secretly hates him even when they start dating

bpd & adhd & probably autism (ALL BPD HAVERS FUCKING WIN WITH THIS ONE!!!!! I SEE YALL)

masks so often its insane

used to smoke and drink heavily, but has started to lay off ever since he met ratio

still an adrenaline junkie and still has his stupidly good good luck

really likes coffee too, coffee addict, has horrible eyebags, a shitty sleep schedule, and overworks himself half to death

cant fucking cook what the hell is a kitchen

very fond of stelle/caelus and sees them as his surrogate younger siblings. stelle taught him how to play video games and now he plays with them whenever his thoughts get really bitchy to him

horrible at relying on other people but is slowly unlearning that

can do a backflip (why? idk)

high pain tolerance

has a collection of sheep plushies that his friends bought for him

numby and him get along really well. he and topaz still have that sibling esque relationship.

i think he still works for the ipc in this au but its not as bad as it is in canon

starved of touch and does not really know what a healthy relationship is before ratio comes along

loves blankets he has like ten blankets on his bed at once idk why

once poured monster energy into coffee and then drank it. he suffered the consequences. even good luck can't save you from that

listens to generic pop (lie. he actually loves indie guitar)

MENTAL ILLNESS REP IN THIS MAN

accidentally big brothered some kids. help how does he deal with affection

buys stuff for stelle and caelus too. he buys them sheep plushies. they will defend said sheep plushies with their lives. they buy him racoon plushie in return. he does not cry.

his fingers shake so bad sometimes (PTSD goes hard)

motor skills can and will die on him occasionally

unhealthy coping mechanisms but hes getting better guys

he does relapse occasionally but hes putting in effort. finally got his ass to therapy thanks to ratio :)

second cat dad. he loves his cat children he will die for his cat children.

the cats like laying next to him as he eeps if ratio isnt there. they purr and help him with his nightmares.

(ily people w bpd you deserve this rep!!! enjoy :3)

them together hcs!!!!

ratio already had background information on bpd due to his psych degree beforehand but did more researching into it when he realized that aven had bpd because he wanted to support his partner as much as he could :)

ratio is big on physical touch but aven needed some time to get used to it and he was very big on it

aven really likes spoiling the absolute shit out of ratio and likes getting him gifts because sometimes he doesn't know how to word how much he appreciates ratio

aven likes to wash ratios hair for him and visa versa, non sexual intimacy always fucking wins

ratio still worries about aven and doesn't like him gambling all the time, aven makes an active effort to better himself for him even if it's really hard

at the start it was really fucking shitty between the two of them but eventually aven started to learn how to properly and safely communicate with ratio and ratio learned how to phrase his thoughts in a way that wouldn't trigger something, and although they both make mistakes they are doing their best for one another and generally have a good impact on one another's stages of healing (im not projecting im not projecting i-)

aven will hold ratio in his arms and tell him that he's good enough when the thoughts get really bad

they love cuddling, who's big spoon and small spoon switches regularly because they both like being held and holding the other

aven will stop by ratio after his classes and take him home when hes too tired

ratio shuts down sometimes and aven messes with his hair and just stays with him until he reboots

they kiss <33333333333

they cuddle so much they hold one another going to bed

ratio likes giving aven little headkisses and peppers his face with them

they are gay and in love and healthy actually

they were never toxic yaoi never will they be. they are healthy.

they get married <333

this is so much more than what you asked for probably but here you go.

[cecilysass]

Mulder’s Depressed Vampire Sex: Me on 3

You know, I like the episode 3. I mean, not the casefile part of 3, which is whatever whatever, but the important part: the blood fetishist lady has her way with Mulder and then he cries.

I definitely loathed the episode back when the show was airing. Back then it seemed like it was intentionally hostile to the ship—like going out of its way to be hostile, having Kristen tell Mulder shit like “I can tell you’re missing someone, but attention please: just a friend. Definitely not more!!!” I honestly kind of felt like she was looking out of the screen directly at me when she said it.

But looking back, knowing that MSR was endgame (and that fans kinda took over the narrative anyway), I definitely see the episode totally differently.

From a Mulder character arc point of view, this episode is all about him being a sad, sad boy. It is all about his depression, his hopelessness, his grief for Scully. It’s also about his drive to try to save women and girls in order to save himself. And he so often seems to fail at this when it is someone he cares about (or even when it is someone he has a fleeting connection with, like Kristen). And that’s so, so devastating for him. In that sense, this episode is a really desperate expression of his grief and frustration.

The HIV/AIDS angle to this ep is super important, too, so we have to make sure we’re getting into the full 1994 mindset on this. Mulder says in alarm to Kristen back in the club, when she’s playing fast and loose with blood: “AIDS. Aren’t you afraid?” (To which she responds that she wants to die.) Mulder knows that HIV transmission through sharing fluids is no joke in 1994 (it probably really shouldn’t be now either, but that’s not today’s lecture). Yet later, when Kristen is shaving him and he’s nicked, he allows this to be the catalyst for sex, even as he makes attempts to stop her from tasting his blood.

So his choice to have sex with Kristen is depicted as reckless, with someone who has been shown being careless about HIV. And he is doing it not just because he is turned on, but because he is being intentionally reckless with himself, clearly knowing the consequences. He shows concern for her, yes, but he’s also self destructive. He wants to fuck the hot vampire, but he also wants to fuck with death.

In other words, there’s a difference between what the episode tells us about Mulder’s relationship to Scully and what it shows us. And what the episode shows us about their relationship is that Scully is central enough in his life that everything is fundamentally affected by her abduction. He’s broken. He’s visibly depressed. He makes decisions that risk his job and his life. All the while he is actually choosing to wear her cross: a symbol that traditionally wards off vampires, as Kristen observes, but also keeps Scully’s presence in his mind constantly and in every frame of the episode he's in. And the episode ends with him looking like a hero in a romance novel mournfully casting his eyes to the hills clutching her cross in his hand.

None of this obviously communicates “I miss my work friend,” right? No objective observer would see this and say, “ah, he clearly is missing someone—most likely a friend, I would say.” But probably that’s exactly why they included Kristen’s “just a friend” line. They knew his grief in this episode was reading very powerfully, and they didn’t want it to seem overtly romantic.

I also feel like it’s kind of significant that the only time we actually see Mulder have confirmed sex with someone (besides Scully later) is when he’s depressed and Scully is gone. Linking his grief for Scully to his very-rarely-seen acting out on sexual desire like this also seems kind of psychologically sus to me, but I don’t know, I read a lot of fanfic.

Speaking of which, I did a little fanfic search for 3. And unless I am missing obvious fics (always a possibility), it was kind of difficult. Partly because this is a stupidly hard episode to look in search engines for. (No one should ever name episodes after numbers, although this one I will forgive because it’s from 1994 and they couldn’t have fully understood about Google and AO3.)

But also I just think there hasn’t been a ton of 3 fanfic, probably because this episode isn’t very well-liked. And listen, I get that Scully isn’t in it, which is often unappealing for writers, and there is Mulder/other, which people don’t like. But I feel like there are a lot of possibilities for story ideas here that don’t necessarily take place during the events of the episode. Like: how does it affect them later? Personally I like fics where Mulder and Scully discuss the events of the episode long after (actually I wrote one, which I included in my recs because I’m not that cool). I also think Mulder’s angst and depression has a lot of ways it could go—not to mention it’s the last canonically confirmed time he has sex before like 2000 or something. And it seems like AU takes on what happened to Kristen could be interesting. So what I'm saying is: maybe try writing 3 fics.

3 Fanfic Recs

Three is a Crowd - wendelah1 Mulder has sex with Kristen but can’t stop thinking of Scully.

Analgesic- settledownfrohike Mulder has sex with Kristen but can’t stop being a self-loathing, self-destructive mess. And thinking of Scully.

The Woman In His Heart - Spangle This shorter piece frames Mulder’s time with Kristen as a revelation about his feelings. Angsty and nicely observed. A 2005 Spooky winner, evidently.

False Dawn - emmbright A sharply etched portrait of how Mulder moves through his life between 3 and One Breath. For me this fills in the blanks perfectly.

Dreams - Characteristically_Exuberant This is actually a (great) post-ep for Field Trip, and the events of 3 aren’t the main focus of the fic. But I like how this author discusses what happened with Mulder in that episode and contextualizes it for both agents.

We’re Not Here To Get Involved In Personal Problems - cecily_sass This is mine, also not really a 3 post-ep; it’s an X-Cops post-ep. I feel a little silly including it. But I had them discuss the events of 3 in this fic in a way that sort of lays out my own thesis of the episode, and I thought, hey, it’s my list. Mulder and Scully walk to a gas station in Willow Park in Los Angeles the morning after X-Cops; they discuss plenty.

Any others? I feel like I probably missed some.

[heerinnie]

jay 7 please;/

𝐈’𝐥𝐥 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐦 𝐔𝐩 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐚𝐫 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐘𝐨𝐮

𝐏.𝐉𝐒.

SYNOPSIS: going on a movie date with jay was the perfect way to end your first meeting with him, minus the winter weather and missing half the movie because of the beauty next to him.

WARNINGS: gn!reader, first date, jay leaves for a minute, they are smitten for each other, nothing but pure fluff 🥹, hopeless romantics, nothing really to warn about just really cute

WC: 472

^^SFW BELOW CUT (not proofread)

The decision to go on a date during a storm may not have been the best idea, but in your defence, when you left the house, the weather was still warm. Throughout the movie at the cinema, Jay couldn't help but notice how you shivered in your seat. His attention was solely focused on you rather than the film playing on the screen. As the credits began to roll, you didn't even wait to see if there was an end credits scene. Instead, you impulsively grabbed Jay's slightly calloused hand and dashed out of the freezing room, looking like two teenagers deeply and stupidly in love.

“I’m kinda hungry you know” You absently scratched the back of your neck. You glanced at the snacks section knowing full well that they were overpriced but despite this you were more than willing to pay extra for anything to warm you up inside and out. Walking over, you turned to see if Jay was coming with but instead he handed you his card with a smile “if you don't mind could you get me a warm tea or hot chocolate if they have any?” he asked, you replied with a nod as he strolled towards the exit.

"Hey, Jay?" you called after him, watching as he turned on his heel with his hands in his pocket. "Where are you going?" "I'm just going to the car. I'll be right back!" he called over his shoulder proceeding to walk out the exit, leaving you alone standing in front of a tired barista who seemed to be counting the minutes until the end of their shift. "Hi!" you greeted them with a smile, feeling a bit unsure of what to order.

After what felt like several minutes you double scanned the tea section of the menu to see what jay would like until you decided on buying a cinnamon apple tea and a triple hot chocolate, that way Jay could choose what he'd like. Luckily he came back just a mere minute before your orders were complete. As you took your drinks from the counter he chose the tea and complimented your taste. On the way out you felt his hand wrap around yours as he led you to his car.

"Why did you go to the car?" you asked. "You were shivering all throughout the movie and I didn't bring a jacket, so I left a bit early to turn the heater on. I was thinking about how I didn't bring a jacket, and then it hit me - I'll warm up the car for you." Even though you were freezing in the parking lot, you couldn't help but stop and admire Jay's enthusiasm and kindness.

That night you realised that even with the cold surrounding you, Jay could warm you up with just his actions.

I love this request so much, the hopeless romantic in me is SCREAMING 😭💟

[vaxxildamn]

idk maybe it's the hopeless romantic stupidly hopeful part of me talking right now, but I feel like Matt has been intentionally vague when speaking as the Matron concerning Vax and his commitment to be her champion that... i think there's a possibility of him returning. or that the matron is already considering it maybe (ah that feels crazy actually, but walk with me here)

despite loving keyleth and his sister SO much that'd he give his life or accept a burden of champion-hood to save them, vax loved his goddess too, and honored his commitment to her at the end of C1, agreeing to move on from this life so early in his life.

but my mind's on the scene where the Matron spoke with Bell's Hell's about him, and she expressed being so moved by his love for keyleth, by him no longer being who he once was, and having been an onmiscient psychopomp for 30 years, and yet still loving keyleth so much he defied his agreement to the Matron to save her.

and this was the same conversation where she told them about how she once loved someone so much, she defied the laws of who could be a god, and took on an eternity of loneliness and burden by ascending, just to give him peace.

and that was the same conversation where she said she was curious to see, and would welcome, the idea of mortals deciding their own fate. even if it meant her laws and domains and existence were no longer needed. mortals should have the choice.

so when vax (or liam? i can't remember if the question was OOC) asked "did you mean I have only one night," she was like "the night is yours," which is not the same. she told him to choose where he wanted to be (even if that one was truly for one night, she gave him the choice! that means something to me idk!). and Matt said vax got the feeling that it was a gift on the precipice of everything ending. very much, 'fuck it, we ball, the rules might not even apply tomorrow, so take the night off' or fully 'it's up to you. it's your choice. i can't see your fate, it's yours alone.'

[vivievienne]

Hiii I saw you have your inbox empty and that prob means your requests are closed so i hope you don't mind my request 👉👈

If u don't mind, would u write a Toya Aoyagi x Male reader (if not male gn) decorating whatever place (like weekend garage or the reader's house or Toya's house) with Christmas decorations? Liek they put mistletoes and they realise like "oh." and then they get flustered, and like the reader is strong so he lifts Toya to reach some high places he alone can't reach (altho if Toya's uncomfortable with the heights the reader would make him reach the place and then be liek "u ok toya???" And hug and comfort Toya BRHWHDHW)

I just love the holiday vibes sooo much and I think it would be fun to write about it... tysm if u read until here pls drink water and take care

Decorating — Toya Aoyagi x Male!Reader

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: In which you and Vivid Bad Squad are decorating the Weekend Garage!

𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: HAIII POOKIEEE!!! sorry for keeping you waiting BUT i've thought it's gonna a good christmas special sooo here you are!! i hope you'll like it. i hope that the fact that i don't make it EXACTLY like you wanted won't be a problem :3 im just out of ideas 😔 but it was sooo cute!!! merry christmas and remember to take care as well!! enjoy it!

𝐓𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: you might be disappointed, might be ooc!

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 638

"Come on, Toya! I can't do this alone!", you yelled. An asked the whole Vivid Bad Squad to help her with decorating the Weekend Garage after the practice. Christmas was coming up and she has no strength to do this alone. You usually spend time with Toya during his practice, while drinking tea so you decided to help your boyfriend and his group with that. Do you have something better to do after all?

"I'm coming!", he answered with the stoic voice. An, as a captain of this action, divided roles between you. You and Toya were assigned to put the lights. "Do you need any help?"

"Not at all!", you said. You stepped out of the ladder and stood next to it with lights in your hand. "I can't reach the ceiling. Guess I'm too short", you chuckled. "Could you put it for me?", you handed him the lights.

"Uhm... Actually-"

"Yes? Thank you!", you interrupted. No, he can't protest. Not this time! You could already see this look of An's eyes that you try to "don't overwork yourself", so you must at least "pretend" that you do something.

"Oh... Okay...", he agreed. He would do it anyway. He's a hopeless romantic when it comes to his boyfriend. How could he disagree with him? He would do anything for him, no matter what it was. Even though he's scared... Just like now...

So now he's on the top of the ladder and tells himself to don't look down. He's slowly putting the lights on the ceiling, just above the windows, as you commanded him.

How good you said it's enough.

Then, he with a long sigh stepped out of the ladder.

"Toya? Something's wrong?", you asked. "You look quite pale..."

"No, no! It's nothing", he dismissed quickly. "I'm sorry for making you worry..."

"No, that's fine! But are you sure though...?", you pushed further. You knew he's gonna broke sooner or later. The question is how many time you'll have to wait.

"Ugh...", he looked away. Why do you have to be this way, when he can't say no to you...? "I'm just afraid of heights...", he finally admitted.

"Oh... I didn't know... I'm sorry...", you smiled stupidly as if it would fix anything. "I shouldn't ask you to do that." You slowly embraced your arms around him.

"No, don't say-"

"Hey! Are you going to stay there like a pole or will you help us you lovesick boys?", An yelled at you with her pretentious sight.

"Oh, right... Let's talk about it later, shall we?", you said, while rubbing your neck in confusion.

So you all continued decorating the weekend garage without a minute of "pretending to do something" and in the fact, you and Vivid Bad Squad had lots of fun as well.

But as we know, after a good work there's a good rest.

Ken, as a reward, gave you a cookie and any drink from the menu (except alcohol of course, which you jokingly complained about) for free. As you all enjoyed your time, you noticed something above you.

"Hey, isn't it mistletoe?", you pointed out to the plant.

"Yhm", Kohane nodded. "On the west, they say that if you kiss someone under this, you both will love each other till the end and will get married in the future."

"Sounds like something for you and Toya", An laughed.

"They don't need some kind of superstitious superstition. If they love each other, they'll marry sooner or later", Akito said, while shrugging his arms.

"You're just jealous, because you're the only single person in the group", An teased him, what made Akito roll his eyes.

"Come on! We won't know, if we don't try. What do you think, Toya?", you asked.

"I guess it's fine if you want that too."

And then, you kissed.

[fwoom]

space + dystopian au

and no need to cry 🙄

Mwah 😘😘 also u didn't even give me a ship but I'll assign you charcarlando. [From this ask game]

Tl;dr: I'd write an AU in which charles, carlos and lando have to travel through space in a mickey mouse rocketship and the forced proximity and basic sexual needs makes them all start hooking up with each other.

So the world is going to completely end and explode/go up in flames and since technology isn't that advanced from what it is nowadays only really rich people get to live and save themselves, bc only they can buy personal space ships to go and settle on Mars. However the rich and particularly our f1 drivers aren't very smart about it and they go to the equivalent of the ocean gate submarine that uses a steering wheel controller to navigate this rocketship.

Since there isn't a lot of space on these rocketships but still they can't pay for their private ones bc they're really expensive, charcarlando team up to go together. Which is a bad idea 😊.

You have three incompetent ppl trying to navigate this rocketship while at the same time believing they should be the ones driving it bc they're #thebetterdriver and carlos who thinks he's an engineer and can solve problems in the (stupidly simple & dangerous) rocketship yet he only keeps fucking up more and more in comedic ways.

So they basically take turns to sleep, but it's like one sleeps and two are awake, as they might need to troubleshoot some problems. But then to get to mars it's a very lengthy time...and they start...having needs.... and since they are always awake with another person and in such a close space it's not like they can secretly take care of it themselves. So they start hooking up.

First carlos & Lando hook up, and Lando's mind and feelings are going crazy bc he's had a (hopeless) crush on carlos since they first met in f1. And he's like I can't believe the world had to end for this to happen but I'm so happy. Carlos thinks the sex is good, too, but is surprised cause he never saw Lando like that.

Then charlos start hooking up. This is more chill because they were hooking up when they were teammates in f1 (this whole au happens in the 2024 season let's say) and there's nothing new, the sex is great and intimate and they're happy they can still lean on each other in this crazy ass situation even if they often bicker between them (and with lando).

But then one day lando wakes up as charlos are having sex and he has a major crash out. What do you mean carlos, whom he thought he shared something deep and romantic with, is hooking up with Charles, while Lando sleeps a meter away? (*hisses*). He tries not to show his hurt and instead turn it around and joke around in an assholeish way.

Three very long days happen like this where everything is tense, lando doesn't want to talk to carlos and is just being a jerk to charles and also has trouble sleeping as he hates that charlos might hook up.

Until finally charles & carlos device this plan to slowly pay more attention to lando and flirt with him and only him, and be sweet and understanding to him even if he lashes out -> this culminates in a threesome where they both just make lando feel good.

And then they all talk about their feelings and whatnot cause I love a happy ending. But then the ship explodes bc #oceangate so not so happy 😕

[fangirlingpuggle]

Another Cuttletavio fic prompt idea where a collection of old records are found of two unknown singers and is dated pre-turf war.

Everyone totally loves them, the songs range form upbeat to stupidly romantic sings that make it clear that the two singers are totally hopeless for each other. Journalists keep speculation and have picked apart that songs have ocotling and Inkling elements and start theorizing about a romeo and Juliet forbidden love type relationship, ( Pearl and Marina are already working on their own cover of some of the romance songs and totally added them to their playlists).

Everyone is totally excited for any new records found and when Callie Marie and agent 3 find a new one while looking around an excavation site they are so hyped and so course listen to it right away.... and it's ... familiar.... really familiar it sounds like... Calamari inkataion... but their gramps taught them that and....

WAIT!

It's not hard to put 2 and 2 together after that.ad it explains why their gramps has been especially quiet as soon as the songs started playing not commenting on them just quietly listening to them a lot and why when DJ Octavio showed up to maybe cause trouble and then heard the song noped the fuck out and yep in hindsight he was blushing.

Callie and Marie are shocked especially since Octavio helped write our signature song?! oh god Gramps loved him... HE PROBABLY STILL LOVES HIM OH MY COD.

It gets worst when some of the other agents ask if they've ever actually seen their other grandparent? Ever? at all?

Callie and Marie busting in while Craig is all melancholic listening to the old songs: GRAMPS IS DJ OCTAVIO OUR OTHER GRANDPA???

[granddaughterogg]

men of Task Force 141 (bonus: König) VS. gift giving

Captain Price: He's used to holding the reins in a relationship, so don't expect him to ask what you'd want. You'll get a set of (stupidly expensive) racy lingerie. We're talking real silk, handwoven lace, but also cutouts in ALL the fun places. He'll want to give it a test run almost immediately after you've unpacked your gift.

Gaz: He's a thoughtful lad, so he will put some thought into this. Dropping sneaky little questions amidst your everyday convos as to gauge your needs and personal taste. He's got great visual memory, too. Remember that pair of absolutely jawdropping high heels that you've gushed over while traversing the mall once? Probably not anymore, but he does - and he knows your correct shoe size, too.

Ghost: He's never been gifted anything as a child. Presents are a pain in the arse to him. He sucks at the art of gift giving and he knows that he sucks at it, which only exacerbates his frustration. Don't expect to be treated to any in the earlier stages of your relationship - apart from his favourite foods and drinks anyway. When things between the two of you get Serious, he'll ask you out front ("What do you want for Christmas?") Just go online and send him a direct link to something practical - like a new laptop or a piece of furniture. Don't worry about the price. He might be clueless when it comes to this, but he's definitely not a skinflint.

Johnny Soap McTavish: This lad loves to give (in all possible meanings of the word.) He's been leaving you little presents since you've become close, in a manner not unlike to a friendly crow. You find lovely wildflowers or a pretty stone or something like that on your windowsill every other day. He's the "babe, I saw this while out shopping and I thought of you" type of guy. He'll rise to any Big Occasion in style. Expect to get something well-thought and custom made. Like a necklace which looks a bit like his dog tags, but is made of sterling silver and has both of your blood groups and names etched into it.

König: You'll get a book of old obscure German poetry (he did miles of research to find the best English translation available.) This lad is a hopeless romantic.