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gerrystamour · 4 years ago

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the bittersweet between my teeth, Chapter 6

Written by: GerryStAmour | Gift for: @northisnotup

Some Important Notes:

I choose to believe that anything is possible in the future and that includes ridiculously quick turnaround times after near-death and also Getting Sexy New Teef bc I personally find it really hot.

The smut is only available on AO3! Link is in my pinned post! There is nothing in the smutty parts that is plot heavy, so you aren’t “missing” anything that isn’t covered in the PG-13 parts.

Nureyev is a gender euphoric trans man, as in he does not experience any dysphoria, and has not hat top-surgery, and he does not wear a binder. I use a mix of typically masculine and feminine terminology for his anatomy, particularly his genitalia, as I do for my own body as a transmasc individual.

Nureyev is never depicted with dysphoria in my fics, or having discomfort with his body because describing such a thing with a character I deeply identify with will trigger discomfort in my own body, etc.

Chapter Six [Previous Chapter][First Chapter]

- - - - - Nureyev’s POV - - - - -

Nureyev woke up slowly, his entire body feeling heavy and fatigued with a dull pain in his back and across his stomach, along with lesser pains all over his body. He swallowed and grimaced at the sensation of bandages across his throat.

The memories of the heist were slow to return to him. He could remember the sewers before entering, remembered getting to the vault and collecting the weapons. Then Nureyev remembered the Piranha, Juno coming to rescue him and the slice of pain as the knife plunged between his ribs. He remembered only flashes of their desperate escape, mostly just perfect, stupid, noble Juno refusing to leave him behind, even after discovering the wound.

Straining a bit, he could remember the sewers, laying on the ground while Juno was on his comms, panicked and pleading. The memory of Juno’s outrage at the thought of Nureyev—a thief, a murderer, a nameless criminal, a wanted terrorist—dying in a gutter like he deserved, his conviction that he wouldn’t…

“I love you, Nureyev.”

Jolting at the memory, Nureyev found himself properly awake and looking around for his beautiful detective.

Dread settled in his gut as Nureyev noticed multiple things at once. First, Juno was not anywhere to be seen. Second, he was in a hospital room, which did not bode well. Third, he had no glasses, which made it difficult to get an accurate impression on his situation.

The room he was in appeared to be either rundown or unfinished. The bed he was on felt new, however, so he was inclined to assume the latter. Swallowing thickly, he realized just how dry his throat was and looked around again.

He startled when he realized that someone had actually been sitting beside him, and Nureyev wondered how strong of painkillers he was on were. At first, with how groggy he felt and how fuzzy his vision was, he thought it was Juno, but quickly realized it was Benten.

Benten was reading a book but looked up as Nureyev moved around. He snorted a bit before standing to hand Nureyev a pair of glasses.

“Juno grabbed those for you from your hotel room,” he explained as Nureyev put the glasses on, adding, “He paid for a reservation extension, by the way.”

Nureyev attempted to thank Benten, but only a croak came out. When Benten handed him a water bottle and a straw, he nodded gratefully and took long sips. With his throat soothed a bit, Nureyev tried again and asked, “Where’s Juno?”

Benten stared at him, his expression stony before he sucked his teeth and said, “Taking care of whatever you idiots stole.”

“Ah, right,” Nureyev said with a nod, leaning back and trying not to feel disappointed. That was the smart thing to do, and Nureyev knew it. But waking up, remembering the panicked confessions, and not seeing the lady himself… “That’s good, then.”

“Don’t be too upset, Rex. He was here day and night until you were given the all-clear,” Benten said blandly at Nureyev’s sulking. “It would have been romantic, but he’s my brother, so it’s gross.”

“I’m sure,” Nureyev said with a laugh, looking around again now that he could see. Sure enough, the room he was in was unfinished, with most of the equipment missing and wires hanging from where there would someday be cameras.

“Okay, you know what? No,” Benten burst out, startling Nureyev out of his thoughts abruptly. When Nureyev looked back at him, Benten was glaring at him. “It wouldn’t’ve been romantic, because what you two did was stupid , and reckless , and so far beyond selfish, even I am disgusted with it.”

“Pardon?” Nureyev questioned, bewildered. “We were stopping—”

“Yeah, yeah, you were saving the world, whatever ,” Benten snapped, and it was at that moment that Nureyev realized there were tears in his eyes. “I’m just a little sick of hauling my brother out of gutters, covered in blood. And worse, you two and Rita hid it from me!”

“Benzaiten,” Nureyev started, but he quickly closed his mouth when he realized that nothing he could have said would be helpful.

“Like, fuck,” Benten said with a heavy sigh as he slumped back in his seat and crossed his arms over his chest. “When Juno told us to open without him, and Rita was jumpy all day and then you didn’t show, my first thought was you two dumb saps eloped—”

Nureyev actually choked a bit, blushing deeply. “I didnʼt— We wouldnʼt—”

“—That was literally my worst-case scenario, you know that, Rex? Then Juno’s call happened, and then…” Benten trailed off, gesturing vaguely at Nureyev in the bed before he pouted at the wall next to him.

“Benzaiten, I’m— There’s nothing I can say that can make up for what we did, but I am sorry,” Nureyev said slowly, carefully, and he barely refrained from flinching when Benten looked at him sharply out of the corner of his eye.

“Yeah, I know you are,” Benten said sternly, heaving a huge sigh. “Still mad as hell, though.”

“Of course,” Nureyev said with a nod before asking, “So, what happened after I passed out?”

Benten shrugged before saying, “Rita and I closed the cafe early, raced over, you were… bad , and Juno was…”

When he trailed off again, Nureyev remembered the hysterical edge to Juno’s voice just before he faded completely, and nodded.

“I called Mick, since he’s a security guard here, and he pulled some strings to get you up here,” Benten continued after a moment. “No cameras, and no records at all. Juno threw a ton of creds at the doctors and nurses. Rita’s checking constantly to make sure they keep their end of the deal.”

“Thank you,” Nureyev said after a bit, raising an eyebrow.

“It was Rita’s idea, mostly,” Benten said with a shrug of his shoulders and an eye-roll. “She heard you say ‘no hospitals’ like one of those ridiculous characters from her cheesiest streams and hatched the whole idea.”

Nureyev smiled at that and leaned back against the pillows. “Still, thank you, Benzaiten.”

“Whatever, Rex,” he replied with another eye-roll.

Nureyev actually chuckled, feeling exhaustion coming over him again. “Careful, Benzaiten. You’re almost being nice to me.”

“I’m contractually required to do anything my brother asks for twenty-four hours if he cries,” Benten said flatly. “He asked me to wait with you and ‘be nice’ when you woke up.”

Nureyev laughed out loud, tipping his head back and closing his eyes. Licking his chapped lips, he flinched when he found the gap where his teeth used to be. He pressed his tongue into the hole, and made a face, resolving to fix that as quickly as possible.

“Plus, I mean,” Benten began with an explosive sigh. “I can’t really listen to my brother sob about how much he loves a guy while he’s bleeding out in a gutter and then get right back to bullying him when he wakes up. I have some morals or whatever. Yelling at you for being stupid does not count as bullying, though.”

Nureyev froze, eyes flashing open to look at Benten sharply. “How much… did you overhear?”

“Some of it. Enough of it, I guess,” he replied with a noncommittal shrug. “Juno already tore into me about your name, by the way. I get it, my lips are sealed, I’m leaving it alone. You’re ‘Rex’ until you tell me otherwise, okay?”

“Sounds agreeable,” Nureyev said tensely, but he forced himself to relax. This was Benzaiten Steel, the love of his life’s twin brother, with whom Juno shared nearly everything. If there was another person in the galaxy Nureyev would have eventually told, it likely would have been him.

“Just don’t be too hard on him about it,” Benten said quickly. “He’s been working himself into at least three ulcers over it.”

Nureyev merely nodded before he closed his eyes again and laid back. He would think about it more later when he had the opportunity to do so alone.

Benten made an unimpressed noise. “You have to choose your meals, Rex. It’s the paper on your tray.”

Nureyev sighed and shook his head. Exhaustion was dragging on his limbs and he couldn’t be bothered to choose what awful hospital food he would have forced on him.

“Fine, go to sleep. Gonna set you up with a liquid diet,” Benten said sourly. “Nothing but smoothies and broth.”

Nureyev laughed a bit before allowing himself to drop off back to sleep.

It was the next day when Juno returned.

Nureyev was picking at his meal, having eaten everything remotely palatable while Mick sat with him, shuffling a deck of cards. They had played a few rounds of various games up until someone delivered him his meal.

He could hear Juno’s heavy boots in the hall and looked over at the door moments before the detective walked in. Seeing him again, after everything they’d gone through, took the breath right out of Nureyev’s lungs.

Juno’s clothes were dusty and rumpled in a way that made Nureyev think heʼd slept in them, and he had more than a little bit of stubble on his jaw. Nureyev remembered that Juno loved him, and a thousand butterflies took wing in his stomach. He wanted to leap out of the bed and embrace Juno, shower him with romantic verse and tell him over and over and over again that he loved him, too.

But when Juno’s eye met his, he froze in the doorway, his expression open and easy to read for only the briefest of moments. It showed relief first, and then fear before it was closed, like shutters being pulled to keep Nureyev out.

That was concerning, but he wasn’t about to jump to any conclusions.

Mick looked over and grinned, his big goofy one that was usually contagious. “Hey, JayJay! Welcome back!”

“Hey, Mick,” Juno greeted, biting the inside of his cheek but not entering the room any further. “How’s everything?”

“Everything’s great!” Mick replied, turning to scoop up his cards and put them away in their box. “Especially now that you’re back, everything’s perfect!”

“Where are you going?” Juno asked, a look of panic overcoming his expression when his big friend stood and walked toward the door.

“I mean, I was going back to work? I do actually have a job here, you know,” he replied with a full laugh, looking between Juno and Nureyev with a suggestive look. “That, and I figure you two lovebirds would like the chance to catch up.”

Before either of them could say anything, Mick was already out the door, only pausing to clap a heavy hand on Juno’s shoulder as he passed. Once the door shut behind him with a loud clap, silence fell over the room.

After a minute or two with nothing said between them, Nureyev motioned to what was left of his food. “Hungry? I’m not eating the rest of this,” he said, sneering at the remainder of his meal.

Eying what Nureyev had left on his tray, Juno snorted. “Too good for jello and applesauce, Rex?”

“Yes,” Nureyev replied flatly.

With a chuckle, Juno picked up the applesauce pouch and opened it, eating the stuff slowly while Nureyev watched him. The detective was obviously thinking about something, and it wasn’t sitting very well on his mind either. Nureyev just wasn’t quite sure how to bring the topic up in a way that would be productive with his detective.

“Juno, darling—”

“I have to check on the cafe. It's been closed for a couple days,” Juno said suddenly, furrowing his brow down at the pouch of applesauce. “Gotta make sure it’s still in one piece.”

“I—” Nureyev started, his mouth twisting with hurt but he didn’t know what to say. Despite saying he should go, however, Juno hadn’t made any move to leave which gave Nureyev some hope. “O-of course, I understand. Could we talk before you leave, dear?”

“What’s there to talk about?” Juno asked, still pointedly looking at the pouch in his hands, and Nureyev’s frown deepened.

“Well, we can start with something small. How did disposing of the weapons go?” Nureyev asked, working hard to keep his voice steady.

“Went fine, your friend isn’t very talkative,” Juno replied, still not looking at him. “Feel like he kinda overcharged for his services, but hey, I’m not about to argue with someone twice my size. Plus, seemed kind of fitting to use Pereyra’s hush-money.”

“Of course,” Nureyev said, and the sigh escaped him before he could stop it, and he asked, “Have I done something wrong, Juno?”

“What?” Juno asked, finally meeting Nureyev’s gaze with an alarmed look.

“I mean, of course, I’m struggling to think of anything I could’ve done, given that I’ve been unconscious—”

“Rex, why the hell would you think you’ve done anything wrong?” Juno interrupted and Nureyev laughed at the question.

“You have barely looked at me since you returned and were planning to leave the moment you saw I was conscious,” Nureyev listed back at him, raising an eyebrow, trying to calm the rising panic in his gut. “So, either I’ve done something, or… I don’t know, Juno. I don’t know what else all of that could mean.”

“No, Rex, that’s not—” Juno abruptly cut himself off, and just like that, the wall came crumbling down. “I’m—I fucked up, so much, and didn’t listen to anything you said. I know you said no hospitals—”

“Juno—”

“—and I know it was really selfish of me to risk your identity—”

“My love, please—”

“—But I couldn’t just let it happen like that. And then Benten reminded me about Mick—”

“Juno—”

“—and I know Benten overheard your name, I fucked up, forgetting the comms—”

“Juno! Please,” Nureyev finally managed to get in, and Juno shut his mouth with an audible click of his teeth. Nureyev swivelled his tray out of the way and looked at Juno. “Yes, I said I couldn’t go to the hospital, but you seem to have sufficiently worked around the issues I have with them. As for your other point, yes it was not ideal, someone else learning my name, but I’m not— you didn’t do anything wrong. It can’t be taken back now, regardless.”

“But Rex—”

“I’ve talked to Benzaiten about it already. Now answer this for me: would I have survived if you had not brought me here?” Nureyev interrupted curtly, and he could feel himself shaking as he waited for Juno’s answer.

Juno bit the inside of his cheek, and his eye went glassy and wet with emotion. “No,” he replied, his voice something quiet and delicate.

“Then I’m grateful you ignored my wishes, Juno,” Nureyev said with a smile, holding his hand out to reach for Juno. “Now, please, can you just come here and lay with me?”

Juno was quick with tossing the empty pouch of applesauce in the trash and removing his boots before climbing onto the bed next to Nureyev. Juno only paused in laying down to give him a kiss, deepening it with a keening whine and a swipe of his tongue, straddling his lap carefully. The rasp of Juno’s stubble against Nureyev’s face was novel and exquisite, and he almost pulled the detective in for even more.

Then Juno pulled away with a bit of a grimace, laughing at Nureyev’s puzzled expression. “Sorry,” he laughed again, not sounding sorry at all. “Feels kinda weird with the missing teeth.”

Nureyev groaned. “I’m well aware, dear.”

Juno chuckled and kissed him again. “I’m sure I can get used to it. You know, if we practice a bit,” he said suggestively, his voice dropping lower as he leaned in for another kiss. Nureyev smirked and deepened it just enough to warrant a quick nip at Juno’s lower lip as he pulled away.

“That is certainly something we can do,” he agreed, grabbing the front of Juno’s shirt and pulling him in for more.

They made out slow and easy with no sense of urgency and very little heat for some time. Juno brought his hands up to hold Nureyev’s between them, sighing happily as Nureyev licked into his mouth.

After some time passed languidly like that, Juno pulled back to grumble, “How is it you can be out cold for two days and not have just rancid morning breath?”

“They do let me out of this bed, dear detective,” Nureyev replied with a laugh. “That is actually a requirement for them to discharge me. I’ve both bathed and brushed my teeth today.”

“Right, yeah,” Juno said sheepishly. “That makes sense. So you’ll be discharged soon?”

Nureyev nodded and said, “In a few days. The wound on my back has one more round of treatment before I can resume most normal physical activity.”

Juno nodded but was startled by a very big and very loud yawn. “Oh, shit. Sorry, Rex, I’m not bored, just exhausted,” he grumbled a bit as he rubbed his eye tiredly.

Nureyev smiled sweetly at Juno, which had the detective looking at him with a wide eye and chewing on the inside of his cheek. The expression was so strange on his face, so vulnerable that Nureyev expected the shutters to be pulled any moment, but then they weren’t. Another flock of butterflies burst to flight in his stomach.

“You’re fine, darling. Come and lay down with me,” Nureyev finally said, beckoning Juno into his arms, an invitation that was immediately accepted.

Nureyev let out a contented sigh as Juno wrapped around him like an octopus, his mouth and nose pressed into his throat, against the parts of his skin that weren’t covered in bandages. Nureyev shivered at the brushing touch of Juno’s lips, at the hot breath against his neck and felt the fluttering in his gut settle as he wrapped an arm around Juno’s shoulders. Held tight in Nureyev’s arms, Juno sucked in a deep breath through his nose, seemingly holding it before slowly releasing it and burrowing deeper into the nape of his neck.

“Is everything okay, Juno?” he asked quietly, feeling his entire body relaxing with the warmth of his lover against him.

“Mm-hmm,” Juno mumbled, his voice already thick and sleepy. “I was just… just needed to check something.”

Nureyev smiled at that and turned to press his lips against the top of Juno’s head in a gentle kiss. “Juno,” he said quietly, his heart jumping when he remembered Juno’s confession again. “I wanted to ask you something.”

There was no response from the detective except for a quiet, gentle snore. Juno was sound asleep within the handful of minutes it had taken him to settle in against him, and Nureyev couldn’t have helped the smile that came to his face if he wanted to.

- - - - -

It was dark when Nureyev was woken up, and he was immediately tense. Something was wrong, and for a delirious moment he thought it was the weight holding him down that was the issue. Then the memories of the hospital, Juno returning, and both of them falling asleep together came back in a rush.

Juno twitched and let out a low groan, his fingers curled tightly into the front of Nureyev’s medical gown. He was clammy, his sweat soaking through to Nureyev’s skin, and he was shivering. Then Juno gagged, dry-heaving as he woke up and looked around wildly.

Nureyev grabbed the little bucket he had been provided by the hospital and handed it to Juno, who immediately used it with incredible enthusiasm. The whole time, Nureyev rubbed his back gently, pausing to massage the back of Juno’s neck when he was done unloading the contents of his stomach, humming quietly as the detective tried to calm his breathing. A few minutes later, after successfully staving off another bout of puking, Juno finally leaned over to place the bucket on the bedside table.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” he groaned, covering his face and his voice sounded entirely too upset for Nureyev’s liking. “They come back when I’m stressed out. The nightmares, I mean.”

“Why are you apologizing?” Nureyev asked, reaching up to gently pull Juno’s hands away from his face.

Juno blinked at him as if the answer was plain as day, baffled that he would even have to ask. “I woke you up,” Juno said flatly, as if that was enough of a reason. “I woke you up, almost puked on you, and shit, I’m so sweaty—”

“Juno, dear, do you realize how low those things are on my list of priorities?” Nureyev interrupted, lifting his hands to cradle Juno’s face. “Right now, I’m worried about you, love.”

He could feel Juno’s face heat up against his palms, the detective clearly embarrassed and perhaps a bit overwhelmed. “It’s— you need your sleep, so I should go,” Juno quickly said, but before he could get up, Nureyev adjusted his hands to hold the back of Juno’s head.

“What you’re going to do, Juno Steel, is go into that bathroom and use one of the toothbrushes provided by the hospital,” Nureyev said firmly, and Juno went still next to him. “Then you’re going to come back here and lay with me again.

“You don’t have to do this, Rex,” Juno whispered, and Nureyev pulled him down so he could press a kiss to his forehead.

“Of course I don’t, Juno. Doesn’t mean I don’t want to,” Nureyev replied, sighing as he let Juno sit back enough to meet his gaze again. “If you refuse to let me do this for you, then do as I ask for my own comfort. I’m worried about you, and would very much like to hold you.”

Juno bit the inside of his cheek as he shook his head in disbelief. “Are you serious?” he eventually asked and Nureyev laughed softly.

“Of course I am, darling,” he replied, pursing his lips tightly. “Now go and brush your teeth. I expect you to come right back here.”

Juno huffed a weak laugh and as he slipped off the bed, he muttered a quiet, “Yes, sir.” Nureyev found himself a bit breathless at being called “sir” and decided that might be something for them to explore properly later.

A few minutes later, Juno crawled back onto the bed, squawking a bit when Nureyev yanked him forward by the front of his shirt. Tucking the detective in beside him, Nureyev dipped his head to capture Juno’s lips in a chaste kiss, sighing when Juno pressed up into it.

“Would it… help to talk about it?” Nureyev asked a bit haltingly when they pulled apart. He personally had very little experience with nightmares and even less with the nightmares of a loved one.

“I don’t know,” Juno replied after a bit, and he flopped down next to Nureyev, tucking his head under his chin. “They’re just about when I lost my eye.”

“Ah, I see,” Nureyev hummed, rubbing Juno’s back soothingly.

“But now you’re there,” he confessed, wrapping his arm tightly around Nureyev’s waist. “When I was so busy fussing about my aim that she got you. Keeps replaying.”

“Juno, please understand that I am incredibly grateful for you taking what time you did to aim,” Nureyev said firmly. “Also, understand that she was going to ‘get me’ whether you shot her or not.”

Juno stiffened in his arms before propping himself up to look at Nureyev’s face. “What?” he asked quietly.

“I’m not sure if this will be comforting to you or not,” Nureyev started, before sighing. “I felt the knife before you even lifted your blaster, Juno. It was likely her plan to stab me, and let me bleed out while she continued taunting you.”

At that, Juno sat up fully to meet Nureyev’s gaze properly. “Seriously?”

“She underestimated you, dear detective,” Nureyev replied, smiling. “She didn’t do it as some sort of last moment revenge on you. She truly believed she had won.”

“That’s…” Juno trailed off before chuckling a bit. “That actually is kind of comforting.”

“I should hope so,” Nureyev said with a laugh of his own. “You were amazing in there, and I cannot thank you enough for doing literally nothing I told you to.”

Juno laughed out loud and bent to kiss Nureyev, slow and searching before pulling away to snuggle in tight again.

“I’ve always had a problem with authority,” he joked around a yawn.

Nureyev chuckled at that and squeezed Juno against his side. Within a few minutes, Juno was asleep again and Nureyev was drifting off to join him.

- - - - -

Nureyev discharged himself from the hospital a day early. He had managed to convince Juno to go home early in the evening, and that he would come by the cafe the next day at dinnertime, so there was no need to visit him again. There was part of him that knew leaving Mars immediately was wiser, that staying was just asking to get caught again by Ramses or even Pereyra.

But Nureyev was fairly confident that the information dug up and subsequently leaked for both mayoral candidates would keep them busy for the foreseeable future, at least long enough to spend a couple more nights however he pleased.

And what he wanted most was to spend his last night on Mars with a cranky private investigator. He also had another appointment.

So he changed hotels to something fancier, though discreet with very few surveillance cameras in the halls, as the establishment catered to guests seeking a more romantic experience. They would not be watched, nor bothered, and the rooms all had incredible sound-proofing between units.

Nureyev decided he should go all out for his romantic evening with Juno, and rented the honeymoon suite. It was a corner suite on the highest floor, which would give them an almost panoramic view of Hyperion City and the surface of Mars beyond the dome through uninterrupted floor-to-ceiling windows. Just off the spacious living room through a set of double-doors was the bedroom and it’s ensuite.

Nureyev was particularly enamoured with the king-sized four-poster bed, which was on a raised platform and tucked right into the corner of windows. There were gauzy fabrics hanging from the ceiling and secured at points above the corners of the bed, though they only draped to curtain off the two sides of the bed facing into the bedroom. The gauzy fabric was lined with thousands of dots of gentle, amber lights that twinkled like stars.

The ensuite itself was massive, with a huge soaker tub and luxurious shower stall, both also situated against floor-to-ceiling windows.

Nureyev spent the better part of his afternoon chatting with the concierge about arrangements for the next evening and then, after asking her a few questions about local stores, he headed out to do some shopping.

The next day, Nureyev properly groomed himself for the first time since the heist, which had been… a bit of an ordeal he hadn’t anticipated.

It was the first time he had seen himself naked for any amount of time without bandages and there was a vain part of him that cringed away from himself, that squirmed at the idea of Juno seeing him like that.

The scars on his face would be easy to hide with make-up, he decided, especially the thinner ones that decorated his cheeks and the line of his jaw. The ones on his throat would be trickier, and he cursed his lack of foresight during his shopping trip the day before. He could have gotten a nice collar or something to cover them up. He would have to use make-up until he found a more suitable alternative.

It was the mess of slashes on his chest and the electrical burn scars on his abdomen that caused him the most distress, given his penchant for revealing tops. He didn’t have much in the way of sexy clothing that would hide those, and make-up wouldn’t be ideal.

What would Juno think?

But then he remembered that Juno wore his scars, if not with pride then with defiance. What would that say to Juno, if Nureyev went to such great lengths to hide his own wounds? What would that communicate to his sensitive detective?

So with a determined sigh, Nureyev got dressed without consideration for hiding anything, putting on a black, cropped top with a plunging neckline that showed off all of the jagged scars across his chest, and if not for the corset-waisted slacks he wore, the burn scar would also have been almost completely visible.

He finished his look off with a loose braid, tied off with a black ribbon, keeping his hair quite nicely out of his face.

Nureyev looked at himself in the mirror again, and hated what he saw, but he would learn to be okay with it. If Juno could, so could Nureyev.

As he left the hotel that afternoon, he stopped by the front desk to verify that the special accommodations he set up the night before were still happening, and to inform them he was leaving for the day for their convenience.

The cab ride to his first destination was short and sweet, and Nureyev asked the driver to keep the meter running, regardless of how long it took him to return.

It did not take long, as he had been promised it wouldn’t when the specialist had visited him at the hospital. It was only thirty minutes, and he was returning to the cab with a new set of teeth. The marvels of modern medicine and cosmetic surgery had allowed him to easily and almost painlessly fix the mess the Piranha had made of his iconic smile. He even paid a little bit extra to get something a bit flashier than boring old white, going instead with something that looked like rose gold, inspired by the ear cuff Juno always wore.

In the back of the cab, Nureyev was beside himself with excitement to show Juno, bouncing his knee and drumming a beat on his thigh. By the time they reached the cafe, he was about to vibrate right out of his skin.

“Keep the meter running again, please,” Nureyev said breathlessly to the driver, sliding out and walking into the cafe

Juno was behind the counter with Benten and Rita, the three of them chatting while Juno was balancing an empty serving tray on the tip of his finger. Juno was less rumpled—wearing a pink sweater-dress that exposed his shoulders and just enough of his collarbones to make Nureyev’s mouth water—though he still had quite a bit of stubble defining the sharp edge of his jaw.

Nureyev may have commented on the stubble at one point while he was in the hospital, perhaps in the middle of a heated make-out session with his detective. There was also the possibility that he had made a crude comment about where else he might enjoy feeling the burn of it. Juno had since been conspicuously lax on shaving, and that excited Nureyev greatly.

Juno looked over, and when he properly registered that it was indeed Nureyev he was seeing, his face lit up. It wasn’t a grin, but there was a way his face would shift when he smirked at him that felt like the entire sun was being channelled through it. Juno’s posture straightened and he grabbed the tray between both of his hands to avoid dropping it.

“They let you out early for good behaviour?” Juno asked teasingly, pushing a grumpy Benten out of the way so he could lean against the counter as Nureyev approached. “Thought you wouldn’t be here until after dinner.”

“I actually discharged myself last night to get a few things prepared. I also had an appointment today,” Nureyev said as he stopped at the counter. He placed his hands on the counter top and leaned close, grinning broadly at the detective.

The moment Juno saw the new teeth, his eye widened and the tray slipped out of his hands, clattering loudly against the counter before hitting the floor.

Benten let out a low, begrudgingly impressed whistle before turning a judgmental look on Juno.

Rita however shoved herself up as tall as she could get on the counter short of standing on it, letting out a high-pitched sound of excitement. Without hesitation, she grabbed Nureyev’s face with both hands and turned it side to side before squealing again.

“Wow, Mista Glass, that is so cool! And preeetty!” she gushed before gasping dramatically and letting go of his face. “They’re pretty-cool! Not pretty cool as in cooler than normal, boring cool, but pretty-cool as in they’re both pretty and cool because they’re cool and pretty!”

She barely paused to catch her breath before she smacked Juno’s arm with a stern look. “Mista Steel, aren’tcha gonna say something nice about Mista Glass’ new teeth?” she growled in a tone that she possibly thought was quiet, but the entire restaurant heard her.

Juno swallowed thickly, taking in a shaky breath before nodding. “Uh,” he began, his voice too hoarse to continue right away, so he cleared his throat before saying, “They’re, uh, they’re really great. They l-look, uh, good.”

Nureyev took a moment to bite his bottom lip, feigning shyness to show off the teeth pressing into soft flesh. Juno’s breath left him in a quick whoosh at that, his expression taking on an even more dazed quality.

“Holy shit,” Juno whispered dreamily, quiet enough that only the three of them with him at the counter could hear.

At that, Benten pulled a face and gagged audibly. “Oh, gross. Get a room,” he groaned loudly, and Juno spluttered for a moment, successfully snapped out of his stupor.

Nureyev turned a broad grin on Benten, not missing the way Juno’s eye locked on his mouth again.

“I did, in fact, get one,” he said, and turned to look at Juno again, adding, “I’m here to collect my dear detective for the evening.”

Rita actually screamed with her delight, gaining the attention of every patron in the cafe, and abruptly turned to start pulling Juno’s apron off.

“Aw, Mista Glass, how romantic! C’mon, Mista Steel, get outta here!” she commanded, growling when Juno kept knocking her hands away.

Juno bit the inside of his cheek, finally managing to get Rita to stop grabbing at his clothes. For the first time since Nureyev arrived, Juno looked unsure and Nureyev wanted to pull him into a kiss.

“I’m not really dressed for a date, Rex,” he said, and Nureyev could tell he was pulling down the back of his dress nervously. Nureyev smiled at him, feeling utterly fond of Juno in a way that was almost smothering.

“You look beautiful, radiant even, my love,” he replied and Rita made that sound of hers again, the one like a rocketship revving, while Benten groaned and rolled his eyes.

“What a line, Rex,” Benten said flatly. “Juno’s not that easy—”

“Y-yeah, okay. Yeah,” Juno interrupted, his gaze turning dreamy again as he fished the keys to the cafe out of the pocket of his dress and finished taking off his apron.

“Wow, I stand corrected,” Benten murmured, eyebrows raised as he accepted the keys from Juno. “Are you going to be home in time to open tomorrow, or should I post a sign?”

Juno glanced at Nureyev, who merely smirked at him suggestively, relishing Benten’s gag and Rita’s snickers.

“The sign might be a better idea, Ben,” Juno replied with his own little smirk before he came around the counter and followed Nureyev out.

They slid into the backseat of the cab, sitting flush together and the moment they were settled, Nureyev pulled Juno into a kiss. It was chaste, for the sake of the driver if nothing else, but he desperately wanted to deepen it. Juno, the absolute minx, tested his restraint when he dragged his pierced tongue along the seam of his lips.

However, the driver cleared his throat and Juno pulled away so quickly, Nureyev feared he might exit the vehicle entirely.

“So, where to now, Mr Rose?” the driver asked, his expression unimpressed in the rear view mirror.

Nureyev only smiled at the man’s sour look and said, “Back to the hotel, please.”

“Your hotel?” Juno asked, and when Nureyev looked at him, he was delighted to see the confused little pout.

It was obvious Juno was thinking about the seedy little hotel room he’d booked before the heist, and it was endearing that he had expected better. Nureyev smiled soothingly down at Juno, grabbing his thigh and squeezing lightly.

“Do you trust me, love?” Nureyev asked, low and quiet.

“Well, yeah,” Juno said without hesitation.

Nureyev leaned down and gave Juno a kiss on the corner of his mouth, and the detective immediately turned into it. Nureyev was almost sad that he had to pull away, lest he get carried away.

“Then trust that I wouldn’t take you to a hovel for—” he paused, realizing what he was about to say, and that it would be the first time he was saying it aloud. Nureyev took a deep breath, and said, “For our last night before I leave.”

Juno’s expression faltered, becoming deeply sad before he visibly rallied himself with a small smile. “Okay.”

When they pulled up to the hotel, Juno let out a low whistle and looked down at his sweater-dress and clunky leather boots. “Damn, Duke. Now I’m definitely underdressed,” he said, and while it was said as if it was a joke, it sounded a bit too self-deprecating for Nureyev’s liking.

Nureyev paid the cabby handsomely for being a chauffeur and got out when the doorman opened his door. Reaching back into the cab, he helped Juno slide out with a firm grip on his hand.

“I said you looked radiant, love, and I meant it,” Nureyev soothed. “And if it worries you so much, I do have something up in the room for you to change into.”

“You bought me clothes?” Juno asked him incredulously, his face the picture of annoyance but his tone lacked all heat.

“Only a few items, love, and at quite the discount, too. A steal even,” Nureyev said cheekily, kissing the top of Juno’s head and tangling their fingers together. “So don’t you worry that pretty little head of yours.”

“Duke, is this… okay?” Juno asked quietly as Nureyev led him inside by their clasped hands. When Juno tucked himself in close to his side, Nureyev looked down at him and while the detective looked unsure, there was the tiniest hint of a smile on his lips.

“This hotel is very discreet, very few cameras,” Nureyev explained, squeezing Juno’s hand a bit. “Also, we aren’t hiding from mayors, aspiring or otherwise, nor their shared criminal bodyguard.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Juno said as an adorable smile curved his lips, and Nureyev was very nearly about to bend and kiss him senseless right there in the lobby.

“And,” Nureyev began in a lower voice as they arrived at the elevators. “The staff might think it’s odd if we walked in acting like we barely knew each other.”

“And why’s that?” Juno asked, looking up at him through his lashes.

“I requested a few romantic accommodations earlier,” he replied with a smirk, pausing at Juno’s shaky inhale. “And, I did rent the honeymoon suite.”

“Are you serious?” Juno asked as the elevator dinged with its arrival, his hand twitching in Nureyev’s.

“Of course I am,” Nureyev says with a winning smile as they stepped inside. Juno’s gaze, as Nureyev expected, was immediately drawn to the new teeth. “Only the best for my beautiful lady, after all.”

As soon as the doors slid shut behind them, Nureyev was dragged down by the front of his loose and flowy shirt, his mouth captured in a hungry kiss. Juno whined, pressing as close to Nureyev’s body as he could, tongue pressing into his mouth insistently. The sudden armful of solid detective had Nureyev stumbling back against the wall, chuckling into Juno’s mouth before meeting his tongue halfway. He allowed the kiss for a few moments before he gently pushed Juno back, grinning at the detective’s dazed expression.

“Slow down, love,” he said soothingly as the elevator slowed to a stop. When the doors reopened, Nureyev took Juno’s hand again and began to lead him down the hall. “We have all night.”

“That a promise?” Juno asked huskily, and Nureyev was shocked at how slick he felt between his legs already.

“Well, I’m certainly up for the challenge,” Nureyev replied as they arrived at the door to the suite, pulling out his key and smirking down at Juno. “And I fully expect you to stay the night this time.”

“Sounding pretty confident there, Rose,” Juno teased.

“I can be quite persuasive, I’ve been told,” Nureyev replied, beckoning Juno inside once he got the door open.

Upon seeing the suite, Juno gasped and let go of Nureyev’s hand to cross the room to the windows overlooking his city.

Nureyev took the time that Juno was distracted to survey the room for his requests and remove his gloves. There was a small table set up with a tablecloth and a beautiful flower arrangement, ready and waiting for their dinner to be delivered in the next hour or so. The monitor was on, set to a station that was playing gentle, romantic music.

Overall, he was pleased with the hotel’s work and had faith the bedroom and ensuite were to his specifications as well. Joining Juno at the windows, he looked down and his breath caught at the stunned expression on the detective’s face. Juno finally turned his gaze away to look at the suite, his eye wide.

“Nureyev,” he started, and it was that moment that Nureyev realized he hadn’t heard his name from those lips in days, a realization that almost knocked him off his feet. “This is… really nice.”

Nureyev was very suddenly unsure of his plans, whether they were the right course of action or if they were more likely to scare the detective away. Juno looked overwhelmed, his eye wet with unshed tears, his bottom lip quivering a bit before he bit it lightly. Nureyev cupped Juno’s cheeks in both hands, wiping away a tear that was about to fall.

“Juno, is this okay?” he asked, truly worried he’d gone too far.

“Yeah, jeez, sorry. This is amazing, just,” Juno said with a laugh, tilting his head into one of Nureyev’s hands and closing his eye with a watery sigh. “No one’s ever done something this nice for me.”

Not for the first time, Nureyev was overcome with the urge to hunt down and strangle the life out of every single person who had deemed themselves worthy of Juno Steel’s time. They had all swept him up and they took, and took, and took from him, not once putting in the work to deserve him, leaving Juno to tear up over the bare minimum.

Instead, Nureyev stooped to kiss Juno, deep and searching, drawing the soft little gasping moans he loved so dearly from his gorgeous detective.

“Well, then I’m glad to have been the first,” he said as they parted for air. “Dinner should be arriving in just over an hour. The bathroom is just inside the bedroom if you would like to freshen up a bit?”

Juno took a deep breath and nodded, stepping out of Nureyev’s embrace. “Yeah, I’ll go do that,” he said, a bit dazed still, and when he turned to walk away, Nureyev followed him.

“You know, I’ve been running around all morning, so I think I’ll get cleaned up as well,” he said with a cheeky grin, the expression widening at Juno’s sceptical snort.

“I doubt we have time for both of us to take a shower, Nureyev,” Juno said.

“I’m sure we could think of some sort of arrangement, love,” Nureyev purred suggestively, thoroughly enjoying the confused look on Juno’s face when he glanced back.

“What the hell does—” he began, but at Nureyev’s smirk, his expression went slack with realization, an expression Nureyev found as beautiful as it was priceless. “—Oh.”

Juno swallowed thickly and stammered, “Y-yeah, I mean sure—yeah, we can do that. Totally.”

Nureyev smiled wide when Juno cut himself off shyly, biting the inside of his cheek. Juno glanced at the new teeth again, and Nureyev took that moment to drag his tongue lightly across the points of them. Juno took a shuddery breath before grabbing his hand and dragging him to the bedroom.

The opulence of the bedroom actually tripped Juno up a bit, Nureyev running into him when he staggered to a halt with a gasp.

The curtains around the bed were freed from their tie-backs, and the twinkling lights in the billowy canopy were turned on. The gauzy fabrics obscured the view of the bed and windows beyond by quite a bit, but Nureyev did like that they wouldn’t offer complete privacy.

Taking a deep breath, Juno continued into the ensuite, only to come to an abrupt halt all over again.

The room was lit up in the gentle, amber light of the chandelier hanging above the huge round soaker tub to their left. It was set into a ledge which sat against the massive windows overlooking the city. The tub was already full of steamy water, and there was a near-solid layer of rose petals across the surface. The petals were also scattered across the edge of the tub, the window ledge, and the floor around it.

“Jeez, Nureyev. Are there any roses left in Hyperion City?” Juno all but whispered next to him, and he flushed deeply.

He had requested a romantic set-up for the evening, certainly, but he had expressed that his date would not appreciate a spectacle. The concierge had confirmed a subtle, understated romantic feel, and Nureyev shuddered at the thought of what the full romantic package would have looked like.

Nureyev turned to defend himself and saw the expression on Juno’s face. His eye was wide with wonder and delight, as well as something intense like yearning— no, it was love that overtook Juno’s expression. Nureyev was winded when he realized that Juno loved it, every part of it, right down to the floral massacre in the bathtub. The sass was an attempt at deflecting, at trying not to let on just how much he wanted it.

With a tug of their clasped hands, Nureyev spun Juno into his embrace and dipped down for a searching kiss, hands twisting in the knit of Juno’s dress. Juno whined and opened for him, pushing up onto his toes with his hands holding Nureyev’s biceps. They stood flush together, mouths moving slow and perfect, and Nureyev sighed when Juno’s tongue pressed against his own, the piercings sending a thrill through him.

Nureyev pulled back to catch his breath, and Juno tipped back onto his heels to stare up at him, dazed and smiling. He took in the face of his detective, his gaze lingering on the plain black eyepatch for a few moments before lifting a hand questioningly. It wasn’t even particularly important to him if Juno wore the eyepatch or not—that was Juno’s decision, and his decision only. Nureyev only figured that it would be an inconvenient obstacle in the bath.

Juno sucked in a sharp breath as Nureyev’s fingers lightly touched the eyepatch, and Nureyev waited for a sign to continue or back off. There was a beat before Juno gave him a quick nod, and Nureyev slowly lifted it off, tossing it onto the vanity.

Turning back to his detective, Nureyev took in the full view of Juno’s face for the first time since meeting him.

Nureyev found himself surprised to see that Juno still had his natural eye. For whatever reason, he had expected the eye to have been completely removed, but that was not the case.

“They were able to save the eye itself,” Juno muttered quietly, tensely as if hearing Nureyev’s thoughts. “Couldn’t get the vision back.”

Nureyev nodded with a comforting smile and looked his face over, really taking it in and cataloging each new thing.

There were three very distinct scars running vertically over the eyelid. Two of them were quite shallow and short, just enough to have drawn blood and cause pain, but minimal permanent damage. The third, however, was deep and jagged, starting just under Juno’s brow and ending just about his cheekbone. While the eye itself had been salvaged, it was murky where the scarring and blood vessels had formed over the damaged iris and pupil.

The injury would have been brutal, the pain immense, and for a moment Nureyev was deeply disappointed that the Piranha had been given a quick execution.

Juno’s breathing quickened as Nureyev took his time, his eyes glancing down before he began to turn away, biting the inside of his cheek. Nureyev made a small sound, a gentle tsk as he cupped Juno’s jaw with both hands and turned him back to meet his gaze. The detective was shaking, waiting for Nureyev’s reaction and it was obvious he expected the worst.

And Nureyev wasn’t sure he could blame Juno; if anything Piranha had said about this supposed fiance of Juno’s was true, he had every reason to fear such vulnerability.

Slowly, Nureyev bent to place a gentle, lingering kiss to Juno’s cheekbone, waiting out the bout of shuddering breaths. The moment Juno released a soft sigh, and the tension leaked out of his shoulders, he moved his lips to the corner of his eye. There he waited again, humming happily when Juno almost immediately tilted his head back, and leaned his body closer to Nureyev.

Nureyev dropped a hand to wrap around Juno’s back to hold him firmly, soothingly, and gently brushed a gentle, barely-there kiss to Juno’s scarred eyelid.

“You’re gorgeous, my love,” Nureyev breathed, and he could feel tears pricking behind his eyelids with the ferocity of his emotions for Juno. “What did I do to deserve this?”

Juno made a soft, almost wounded sound before he tipped his head back and surged up onto his toes to capture Nureyev’s lips again. With a happy sigh, Nureyev gathered Juno up into his arms, pressing closer and deeper, wanting to taste and feel Juno as much and as quickly as possible. He was overwhelmed by the way the detective clung and squirmed against him, making soft and desperate sounds against his tongue.

Nureyev pulled back with a groan and dropped his mouth to Juno’s shoulder, exposed as it was with the open panels of his dress, and bit it lightly. Juno gasped, tipping his head back with a shudder, and Nureyev let go to place an open-mouthed kiss against the spot, lapping at it soothingly as Juno let out a sob.

He startled at the metallic tang of blood and pulled back to check on Juno. There were two cuts, each tiny enough to have stopped bleeding already, but Nureyev still cursed himself under his breath for being reckless.

“I’m sorry about that, my love,” he said sheepishly, kissing the spot soothingly again. “These new teeth are quite sharp.”

“Yeah, they are,” Juno sighed dreamily, and when Nureyev properly looked at him, the detective appeared perfectly blissed out. “They’re amazing.”

Nureyev raised an eyebrow at that. “Oh, are they?” he asked with a smirk, and at Juno’s rare, unrestrained grin, Nureyev pressed in for another searching kiss.

- - - - -

They sat in the bathtub for some time, slowly making out while they caught their breath after their impromptu romp. Nureyev was floating above the clouds it seemed, weightless and blissed-out with his lady in his lap and in his arms.

Juno made a small sound in his throat at one particularly languid pass of Nureyev’s tongue and squirmed against him. Heat was building again, and Nureyev was happy to be swept away by it again. He knew there was a reason not to, but he couldn’t be bothered to remember it when Juno shifted to straddle his lap, sitting flush to his front and playing with his tits idly.

“The hell was that?”

Nureyev actually whined when Juno wrenched away from his mouth, and he chased after the kiss. His lips found Juno’s throat instead, which was perfectly fine for him.

“Duke, knock it off, I heard something!” Juno hissed and that caught Nureyev’s attention.

Pulling away, Nureyev and Juno sat quietly for a few moments, listening to the sound of movement in the living room. At a sound that was clearly the clinking of cutlery and crystal, Nureyev cringed.

“That is likely the serving staff,” he said slowly, tipping his head back against the cushioned lip of the tub and closing his eyes. “Delivering our food.”

“Duke… did you close any of the doors coming in here?” Juno asked quietly, drawing the question out and pulling a chuckle from Nureyev.

“I did not,” he confessed. “I foolishly had not planned for us to have… appetizers, so to speak.”

“So they heard at least some of that?”

There was something odd in Juno’s tone, and Nureyev opened his eyes again to meet his gaze, worried that Juno was upset. “It’s entirely likely,” he replied carefully.

Nureyev did not miss the look of intense interest that crossed Juno’s face, and he was a little shocked that the detective would be inclined toward a bit of exhibitionism. Then again, he thought, Juno had been the one to wear fancy lingerie to work under a sweater-dress that barely covered his ass. Excitement pulsed through Nureyev at the thought of Juno wanting to show off a bit, about taking Juno where they might get caught, where they could be heard and possibly seen.

He quickly filed that away, however, taking a deep breath to calm himself before he got too hot again.

“Perhaps we should wash up while we wait for them to leave?” Nureyev suggested, and Juno nodded quickly, smiling openly at the thief.

They took their time wiping each other down, slowly kissing while they did. Nureyev paid special attention to Juno, keeping his touches light and chaste, though their intent for later were quite clear. Juno leaned heavily against him, accepting the pampering with a sigh while he mouthed at Nureyev’s pulse.

When they had finished up, Nureyev cradled Juno’s cheek gently and smiled lightly when their gazes met again. Juno leaned forward with a sigh, and Nureyev happily accepted the slow, sweet kiss, wrapping his detective in his arms loosely. It was utterly perfect, and Nureyev almost cursed when the noises from the living room quieted and they heard the door to the hallway close.

“I think it is safe to get out now, dear,” he murmured against Juno’s lips, gently pushing him away and encouraging him to stand up.

Juno grumbled as he did, unclipping the collar of his harness and peeling it off of himself. Nureyev watched Juno move around the bathroom in all of his naked glory with an appreciative eye as he got out of the tub.

“I have something else for you to wear this evening,” Nureyev said as Juno moved to grab his sweater-dress off the ground, touching his arm lightly and smiling when the detective looked up at him questioningly. “It’s in the closet just inside the room. I’ll meet you at the dinner table.”

Juno blinked up at him, a bit dazed by the gentle commands, and nodded as he returned the smile.

Nureyev watched the detective leave before he turned to the cabinet in the bathroom, where he kept his own outfit for the evening.

It could hardly be called an “outfit,” though.

After seeing Juno in his harness on their first date, Nureyev simply had to get his own, a sleek black and gold number that had straps and the gold detailing all the way down to mid-thigh. The embroidered design decorated his abdomen with a chevron that ended just below his sternum, framing his pelvis along the outside edge of the piercings lining his hips.

Over the harness, Nureyev pulled on a short, sheer black robe which tied shut at the waist with a thick black ribbon. The entire back of the robe was lace and completely see-through, showing off all of the straps of his harness where they hugged his pale skin.

Slipping his glasses back onto his face, Nureyev looked around the room and made a face at the smudges, huffing with some annoyance. He picked his pants up off the floor and dug for the cloth he kept specially for cleaning them, cursing his hoarding tendencies for the first time in his decades-long career. After a few too many moments of struggling, Nureyev made a small sound of triumph when his fingers finally closed around the little scrap of material.

Wiping his glasses clean and putting them back on, he completed the ensemble with a pair of black silk slippers. Then, fixing his braid, Nureyev walked out to the living room to join his lover.

Nureyev was nearly winded at the sight of Juno as he stood by the windows and looked out over Hyperion City in the long, sleeveless robe Nureyev had bought him. The fabric was gauzy and pale pink, sheer enough to see the outline of Juno’s legs through it with the neon of the city shining in on him.

Juno must have heard him and turned around a bit with a warm smile. Nureyev could see a hint of the new harness he procured for Juno through the V of the robe, pink and cream flowers decorating his chest and ending in a pretty collar of flowers at the base of his throat. The robe itself was tied by three delicate ribbons at the thick panel of pink and blue flowery lace just above Juno’s natural waist.

Nureyev wanted nothing more than to untie those little ribbons and devour Juno.

When he finally snapped himself out of his own thoughts, he realized Juno was staring. Their gazes met in the next moment and they both swallowed thickly. Juno’s expression was so beautiful, full of want and love, that Nureyev was ready to forgo every plan he had to leave the next day and stay.

Juno cleared his throat and he glanced away. “The hell do you have such long legs for, Nureyev?” Juno asked, his tone so offended and accusatory that Nureyev couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him.

“And why are yours so thick and enticing?” the thief countered, looking pointedly at where he could see Juno’s gorgeous thighs through the opening of his robe.

Juno merely bit the inside of his cheek, and the smirk he wore was tinged with something distinctly pleased.

Nureyev motioned at the table set with their dinner and asked, “Care to join me, dear?”

Juno smirked and crossed the room. “Thought you’d never ask,” he teased and sat down.

Their dinner was quite lovely, filled with casual chatter, laughter, and more than a few glasses of champagne. Juno looked so happy and relaxed across from him, smiling and laughing openly. Nureyev couldn’t help but watch him dreamily as he animatedly told a story from his childhood.

Juno looked so beautiful in the dim, amber lighting of the living room, and Nureyev’s heart ached with the weight of knowing he could not keep him.

Nureyev remembered the pleading “I love you’s” from the sewers as Juno ended his story, and he placed his glass on the table.

“Juno, I distinctly remember I had asked you to accompany me to a gala,” Nureyev started, drawing it out only in part to enjoy the way Juno pouted. “I had done so with the hope that I would have the honour of dancing with you.”

Juno cringed. “Yeah?”

Nureyev nodded and stood, his gut churning with anxiety about what he was about to do for the first time that evening. Offering his hand to Juno, he asked, “May I have this dance?”

“Here?” Juno asked, biting the inside of his cheek. “Now?”

“There’s music, there’s space, and there’s two of us,” Nureyev replied, smiling winningly down at Juno, even as his stomach roiled. He was only comforted a small amount by Juno’s hungry look at his new teeth. “So why not here? Why not now?”

Juno made a face of mock disapproval, but accepted the offered hand and allowed Nureyev to tug him in close. They were hardly dancing, only holding each other and gently rocking, but for Nureyev it was perfect. When he looked down at the detective, he could see tears in Juno’s eyes, belying once again just how much he loved it. It only took a few slow turns for Juno to melt completely against Nureyev with a sigh, resting his ear against the thief’s chest.

They danced together quietly while Nureyev contemplated how best to bring up what he heard in the sewers. He didn’t want to scare Juno off, but Nureyev couldn’t leave Mars without telling the beautiful detective the depths of his own feelings.

“Juno, I wanted to ask you about something,” Nureyev started tentatively, and frowned when Juno tensed in his arms.

“Mm-hmm?” Juno prompted, and Nureyev really wished he’d started this when he could see the detective’s face.

“Well, it’s more I would like to tell you something, but,” he babbled a bit nervously before he took a deep, calming breath that did nothing to help calm him, and said, “I remember hearing you say something in the sewers before I passed out.”

Juno went rigid and pulled back, though they did not pause in their dance. Nureyev’s stomach twisted when he realized that Juno had that unreadable expression on his face that he’d only seen once before.

When he had told him his name and confessed to working for the people who ruined his life.

“You do?” Juno asked, his voice flat and Nureyev realized too late he had brought it up all wrong and began scrambling internally for the words to defuse the situation.

“Yes,” Nureyev said after taking a deep breath. “I was still lucid enough to hear you, when you said you lo—”

“Shit, I didn’t—” Juno hissed, pulling out of the embrace, and Nureyev let him. Then he growled at himself, “Shit, Steel, there you go ruining things again.”

Nureyev stepped forward and gently grabbed Juno’s hand. “Juno, just let me finish—”

Juno wrenched his hand away and looked around the room. His expression was so intensely sad for just a second that Nureyev felt his own eyes prickle with tears. Then the shutters behind Juno’s gaze slammed down, and when Juno’s eyes met his again, he saw anger.

“I always do this, get too attached, too soon and then—” Juno muttered, mostly to himself before cutting off with a bitter laugh and eye-roll. “That’s why you did this, isn’t it?”

“Well, the short answer is yes, Juno, but—”

“All of this, it’s all just a joke. Or I’m an easy lay until you find the next stupid sap on some other stupid planet who’ll spread their legs for you,” Juno spat, but then his expression changed, filling with something like humiliation. “Or worse, you felt bad.”

“Juno, please—” Nureyev began, reaching for the detective again, frustration building in him when Juno stepped away from him. For how intelligent and logical he knew Juno to be most of the time, Nureyev was genuinely surprised by his commitment to jumping to the worst possible conclusions if the truth meant happiness for him.

“That’s it, isn’t it,” Juno cut him off again, and though he worded it like a question, it was spoken as an accusation with such bitter anger that Nureyev almost flinched. “You feel bad for me because I was stupid enough to fall in lo— fall for you in two weeks like some fucking teenager. About what the Piranha said about my ex. About my eye. All of it.”

Nureyev’s thoughts were swirling as he felt everything falling apart. He loved Juno deeply and fully, and he had desperately needed him to know it, but now their last few hours together were unravelling because he tried to say it. He berated himself for his impulsiveness, for jumping the gun and breaking the fragile truce he’d come to with Juno’s sense of self-worth.

He wanted to drop it and ask Juno to forget he had said anything, but the longer Nureyev said nothing, the surer Juno became in his conviction.

Tears brimmed Juno’s eyes when Nureyev met his gaze again for just a moment before he strengthened his glare.

“Admit it, Nureyev,” Juno demanded, crossing his arms over his middle.

Nureyev reached forward to grab Juno’s hand with both of his and held tight when the detective tried to pull it away again. “Juno, I promise—”

“Just admit it, Nureyev!” Juno all but growled, fighting the grip on his hand.

“You won’t even allow me a word in edgewise, Juno, even for that much!” Nureyev snapped, not quite yelling but close to it, and Juno’s mouth shut with an audible click.

Nureyev softened, pulling Juno closer and cradling his jaw gently in one hand while the other wrapped around his waist. He held tight when Juno made a half-hearted attempt at breaking free, and after a few moments Juno’s breath left him in whoosh.

When the detective relaxed almost completely against him, Nureyev felt hopeful that he could turn this evening around for both of them.

“You are so clever, so good, and absolutely gorgeous, Juno,” Nureyev said fondly. “You are also frustratingly committed to self-sabotage, love.”

Juno pulled a face, and he looked almost embarrassed. “What the—”

“No, I’m talking now, detective,” Nureyev said sternly, and Juno instantly closed his mouth again. “Do you truly believe I would do all of this for you as a… a pity fuck?”

“Wouldn’t be the first time, Nureyev,” Juno snapped. “Had a guy almost marry me, and it turned out he only stuck around as long as he did because he felt bad for me.”

Nureyev felt rage wash over him at that, wanting to know the name and last known location of Juno’s former fiance. Perhaps this was information he could get from Benten or Rita before he left, he thought briefly but dismissed it in favour of focusing on the conversation at hand.

“Juno, I would never do that to you,” he said instead, tone gentle and earnest. “This isn’t a pity fuck, I’m not using you, I’m— if you wanted to leave right now, I wouldn’t stop you. You could walk right out that door, and that would be the end of it. You’ll never hear from me again.”

Juno bit the inside of his cheek and glanced around. For a heart-stopping moment, it looked like Juno would actually pull away and get changed. Nureyev was prepared to stand by his promise, but he felt gutted at the mere thought of having to.

Then Juno sighed and closed his eyes, tilting his head to lean into Nureyev’s palm, and asked so quietly Nureyev almost couldn’t hear him over the music, “What the hell else is this, then?”

Nureyev lifted his other hand to cradle his face in both, lifting Juno’s gaze to his own again. “I’ve done all of this—the room, the clothes, the dinner—as well as given you my name, Juno, because,” Nureyev paused to take a deep breath, “I believe I’ve fallen in love with you as well.”

Juno sucked in a harsh breath through his nose, a tear falling as he quietly asked, “W-what?”

Nureyev wiped the tear away with this thumb with a gentle smile. “I love you, Juno. I thought that much was obvious since our first night, but I suppose you could benefit from hearing it being said.”

“B-but you— that— you barely know me,” he stammered, trying to look away but Nureyev held fast.

“You know even less about me, Juno,” Nureyev pointed out with a raised eyebrow. “Yet you love me?”

“That’s different,” he said stubbornly, and Nureyev’s heart broke.

“How is it different, Juno?” he asked gently. “If you truly believe that, help me to understand it.”

Juno let out a gusty sigh and his eyes teared up even more. Seeing both eyes—one a deep blue and the other murky white—glassy with unshed tears had rage boiling in his gut all over again. He wanted to hurt every single person who taught someone as beautiful, and good, and caring as Juno to feel shame and guilt for being told he was loved.

And suddenly Nureyev understood why Juno couldn’t readily accept his confession; Juno saw himself as inherently unworthy of love and affection while giving himself completely to everyone, hoping they would finally see he had something to offer. That was where it made sense to Juno that he could fall in love with someone he barely knew, but those feelings could not be reciprocated.

“It’s just different,” Juno repeated firmly and with such finality that Nureyev knew he couldn’t push for a proper answer without damaging something between them beyond repair.

So Nureyev stepped closer to Juno instead, their bodies pressed flush together again. “Do you trust me, Juno?” he asked, stroking both of the detective’s cheeks with his thumbs.

“Yes,” Juno said without hesitation.

“Do you trust that I wouldn’t lie about something important?” he asked, and when Juno’s expression twisted, he added, “If we were having any other conversation right now, would you trust I was being honest with all of the important details?”

“Yeah,” Juno answered quietly, almost reluctantly.

“Then allow me to put things into perspective for you,” Nureyev said earnestly, meeting Juno’s gaze and holding it. “You are the first person to have learned my real name with my consent in twenty years.”

Juno took a shaky breath, and though his expression was still sceptical, it was also so soft. Nureyev could see that Juno wanted to believe everything, that he wanted to accept what he was offering, so Nureyev continued.

“Do you think a master thief would have risked courting you the way I had just for fun?” Nureyev asked, and did not wait for Juno to respond before he wrapped an arm around his waist. “I have given you the key to a past I’ve tried to bury, as well as the very thread that could unravel my entire career for the past twenty years.”

Juno looked up at him, his expression unreadable as he lifted a hand to cover Nureyev’s still cradling his cheek.

“Look me in the eye and tell me none of that means anything, Juno,” Nureyev offered, and shivered when Juno closed his eyes and turned his head just enough to press his lips to the middle of his palm. “I wouldn’t give any of that to just anyone, Juno.”

Juno was quiet for what felt like an eternity, his eyes closed and breathing softly against Nureyev’s palm. Eventually, the detective sighed and kissed him gently before turning to meet Nureyev’s gaze.

“You’re about to sign up for one hell of a time trying to convince me, Nureyev,” Juno said lightly, and though it was said as a joke, Nureyev could tell he was also completely serious.

Nureyev smiled broadly and stooped to kiss Juno, sweet and chaste.

“Then I gladly accept that challenge, starting tonight,” Nureyev said against Juno’s lips before kissing his way up his cheek, taking a small detour to press a light kiss just below Juno’s right eye. He finished his journey at the hinge of Juno’s jaw and whispered, “I love you, Juno Steel.”

Juno exhaled sharply and sobbed, angling his mouth up for the searching, needy kiss Nureyev had for him.

“I love you…” Juno whispered when they pulled apart for air, and very quietly, almost reluctantly, he added, “Too. I love you, too.”

The quiet concession, even if it was clear he didn’t quite believe it but was willing to try, made Nureyev’s heart pound and butterflies burst to life in his gut. Just hearing those three words again, this time when he was meant to hear them and he wasn’t knocking on Death’s door, brought tears to Nureyev’s eyes.

It was at that moment when Nureyev realized, or allowed himself to realize, that he hadn’t let himself get close enough to anyone since Mag to be loved. He kept himself unreachable and unknowable for twenty years, leaving Mag as the last person to have said they loved him and meant it.

Several moments of heart-stopping terror followed that revelation, and Nureyev wanted to run from it. He did the calculations instantly; he knew the flight schedule for every ship off of Mars by heart for the next week and a half, and with a good distraction, he could catch one within the hour. His fingers itched for his comms and he instinctively began to slip out of Juno’s arms, pretty words and a prettier lie already on the tip of his tongue.

Juno pulled him in tighter, however, clinging to him as he brought their lips together again, and Nureyev was shaken from his thoughts.

“Shit,” Juno all but sobbed against his lips, laughing wetly as tears fell down his cheeks. “I love you, Nureyev.”

Just like that, Nureyev dumped every contingency plan and escape route he had drawn up. There Juno was, giving him everything he had, and Nureyev was thinking of leaving him with nothing. Master thief though he may be, Nureyev was determined to not become one of the people to steal Juno’s heart. He would make a fair trade for it, give himself to Juno, and share the heartbreak of their parting.

Nureyev recognized the desire to run, to leave and never look back, but he knew that he would never be able to compartmentalize his love for Juno.

At Juno’s shivery whine, Nureyev hauled him up into his arms and groaned when Juno’s legs locked around his waist. With one arm around Juno’s waist, and his other hand holding his thigh, Nureyev stumbled in the direction of the bedroom. Juno’s hands were in his hair, messing his braid up and pulling on the freed strands, and Nureyev couldn’t help the soft, needy sounds he was making. Losing focus and rapidly losing his balance, Nureyev stopped just outside the bedroom, and pinned Juno against the wall next to the double-doors, licking deep into Juno’s mouth while he slid his hand up to grope at his ass.

When Juno turned his face away to catch his breath, Nureyev latched onto his throat, kissing, biting, and licking the length of it, paying extra attention to the underside of his jaw when Juno’s cries grew higher in pitch.

“N’reyev, the bed,” Juno whimpered and Nureyev moaned his agreement into the bruise he had just worried into Juno’s skin.

After a few more stumbling moments and close calls, Nureyev found the bed, which was tall enough that Juno was almost sitting on it already when he let him go. As he stepped back a couple paces, Juno looked up at him with eyes still glassy with unshed tears, but the softest smile Nureyev had ever seen on his face. Juno reached out to hold Nureyev’s hand, as if needing some sort of physical contact and Nureyev could understand.

Stroking the back of Juno’s hand with this thumb, Nureyev asked, “How do you want to spend the rest of our evening, my love?”

With a shiver, Juno shifted onto his knees to undo the belt of Nureyev’s robe and admired the view as it fell open. Nureyev shuddered a bit as the silky material slipped down his arms and pooled around his feet. Juno pressed in for another kiss, wrapping one arm around Nureyev’s shoulders and walking the other down his stomach teasingly.

“Think it’s pretty obvious what I want, Nureyev,” Juno replied cheekily as his fingers reached his lower abdomen.

“Use your words, dear,” Nureyev scolded lightly, grabbing Juno’s wrist gently. “Or you get nothing at all.”

Juno huffed, but it had no heat to it. Nureyev did not doubt that Juno was a bit frustrated—used to being tipped over and tumbled without ceremony as he was—but he also knew Juno thoroughly enjoyed being told what to do.

“Do I have to do this every time?” Juno asked with a pout.

“With me?” Nureyev replied with a chuckle, stooping to kiss Juno’s cheek. “Yes.”

Juno shivered and nodded, chewing the inside of his cheek before he pressed up against Nureyev, both arms around his shoulders as he untied the ribbon holding Nureyev’s braid together.

“I-I want you to fuck me into this mattress until the neighbours complain,” Juno whispered in a bit of a rush, and Nureyev’s breath hitched.

“The sound-proofing in this hotel is almost absolute, dear detective,” Nureyev responded huskily.

Juno laughed lightly before looking up at Nureyev coyly through his lashes. “I’m sure it is,” he said softly and deliberately.

Nureyev groaned and recaptured Juno’s lips, bringing both hands up to cradle the back of his head and keep him there while he kissed the breath from his lungs.

“I’m sure we can work something out,” Nureyev all but growled between kisses and swallowed Juno’s excited laugh.

- - - - -

Nureyev worked to catch his breath, his arm slung around Juno’s waist so he could run his hand up and down his back soothingly. Occasionally, he would sweep his palm further to massage the muscled thigh thrown over his hip.

“Are you okay, love?” Nureyev asked around a yawn when Juno stretched with a bit of a pained sound.

“Yeah, I’m golden,” Juno said softly with a dreamy sigh, nuzzling his forehead against Nureyev’s chest before meeting his gaze with a blissed-out smile. “I’m perfect.”

“I’m glad to hear it, my love,” Nureyev hummed, stealing a chaste kiss from Juno before saying, “We should wash up before bed, though.”

Juno groaned and snuggled in closer, shaking his head with a little hmph. “Don’wanna,” he mumbled petulantly.

Nureyev laughed, just as disinterested in the prospect of getting up, but there were some general hygiene items they needed to take care of. “Come along, love, up we get,” Nureyev said, sitting up and giving Juno’s ass a sharp slap.

“Babe, if you want me out of this bed, you better knock that off,” Juno teased with a sexy sprawl, but the effect was lost when he yawned hugely.

“No offense, dear, but I don’t think either of us have the stamina to make good on any threats like that,” Nureyev laughed, and eventually dragged Juno out of the bed and into the ensuite.

The shower stall was ridiculous in its size, and set in the bathroom so one of it’s walls was just windows. The windows in the shower weren’t quite floor to ceiling, and had a tiled ledge that was about half a foot tall. There was also a safety bar that travelled along the window. The spray of the shower came from a fixture right above them, the water coming down like a perfect, warm rain. It reminded Nureyev of a rain storm he had found himself caught in the one time he had gone to earth, and Juno hummed thoughtfully when he told him as much.

Neither of them was particularly keen on turning on the lights, so they showered by the lights of the city coming through the window. Juno was looking down at Hyperion City, his city, with his hands resting on the safety bar while Nureyev lathered up a plush washcloth and began wiping his body down.

Standing flush behind Juno, Nureyev wrapped an arm around his shoulder and chest, holding him tenderly as he washed his stomach and lower. With a contented hum, he pressed a kiss to the hinge of Juno’s jaw and frowned when the detective sighed a touch too wistful for Nureyev’s comfort.

“What’s on your mind, my love?” he asked before mouthing at Juno’s throat.

“What if you could stay?” Juno asked, his tone flat but curious.

Nureyev hesitated a moment before asking, “Do you want me to answer that?”

“Yeah,” he replied after a thoughtful hum. “The honest one.”

“That would be the only one I would give you, dear detective. You’re too important and too smart for any of the others,” Nureyev sighed, and he couldn’t help the teasingly bitter tone out of his voice.

“Yeah, yeah,” Juno snorted, and Nureyev could hear the eye-roll. “You’re deflecting.”

“We would be happy for a bit, I think— No, I know we would be happy, at first that is. Then I would get bored,” he confessed in a sigh against Juno’s ear, and when he felt Juno tense in his arms, he added quickly, “Not of you, my love. Never of you. But I would go mad sitting still. Doing busywork.”

Juno chuckled, as if laughing at some private joke, but the humour didn’t quite reach it.

“Like a caged fox. Or something,” Juno supplied, and leaned his forehead against the glass.

“Exactly,” Nureyev replied quietly, a sad smile of his own twisting his mouth. “And if you could come with me?”

Though he couldn’t see Juno’s face completely, Nureyev could tell there were tears in his eyes with the way he bit his lower lip.

“I… I would be miserable without Benten and Rita,” he admitted, his voice watery. He lifted his hand to wipe a tear that fell away and Nureyev’s heart broke. “I don’t think I’d be happy without them at all, even in the beginning. I’m sorry—”

Nureyev turned Juno around and kissed him soundly, sighing when Juno opened for him readily. There was no way to measure who would hurt the most when it came time for Nureyev to leave, the one who could stay and would hate it, or the one who could leave but would suffer. But they didn’t have to think about that tonight.

Nureyev just wished they didn’t have to think about it at all.

“Don’t apologize, Juno,” Nureyev whispered when he pulled back to finish washing them up. “I understand.”

A short time later, they slipped back into the bed, still damp and naked from their shower. Nureyev propped himself over Juno, kissing him breathless with lazy and slow motions. With a contented noise, Juno kissed his way to the line of Nureyev’s jaw, lips pausing over the raised line of the new scar there. Nureyev shivered a bit when Juno pressed his fingers against his chest, gently feeling the jagged lines before sliding down to press his whole palm to the burn on his abdomen.

When he didn’t move his hand any further, Nureyev pulled back to look at Juno’s face.

Juno was thoughtful, looking down at the lines of his scars, stroking the burn gently with a furrowed brow. Nureyev reached up to brush his thumb across Juno’s cheekbone, below his blinded eye. The detective almost flinched away as if the touch burned before he settled and leaned into the touch.

“What are you thinking about, love?” Nureyev asked, dropping a soft kiss just below his eye.

Juno shivered under the gentle affection with a little sigh. “Are you going to get your scars reduced?” Juno asked after a bit, scrunching his face up adorably when Nureyev moved his lips to the scar on the bridge of his nose.

“Why would I?” Nureyev asked, pulling back and meeting Juno’s gaze.

The detective shrugged, glancing away and chewing his cheek. “Your whole anonymity thing?” Juno offered in a quiet mumble. There was obviously more to that thought, but Nureyev wouldn’t pry.

“Going under for surgery is risky, so I typically avoid doing so outside of emergencies,” Nureyev replied with a small smile. “I’ll simply cover them as needed if I must.”

Juno hummed at that, nodding and moved his gaze away to look at the jagged lines that criss-crossed his throat.

“Besides,” Nureyev continued, lowering himself to lay his full weight against Juno, his legs straddling his thick thighs. He gave Juno’s eye another soft kiss, and said, “I find scars to be quite… sexy.”

“Of course, you do,” Juno said with a snort.

“I do,” Nureyev replied seriously, figuring Juno didn’t have to know how much he hated the scars at the moment, and coaxed Juno into a searching kiss.

Juno didn’t respond as readily as he had expected, so Nureyev pulled back and met his eyes again. The detective was still pensive and even a bit sceptical, which was far too serious for Nureyev’s liking.

“Juno, darling,” he prompted gently. “What’s wrong? Was it something I said?”

“No, you didn’t say anything wrong, just thinking,” Juno said almost flippantly, but he seemed to realize he was dismissing and deflecting. With a sigh he said, “I don’t… believe you when you say the scars don’t bother you, but that’s not— You didn’t— I get it, if you didn’t like them. They’re ugly—”

“They’re not ugly,” Nureyev interrupted firmly, and Juno glared a bit up at him. “If we’re to have these sorts of talks, dear, we should keep this… negative self-talk to a minimum.”

Juno snorted and rolled his eyes. “Fine,” Juno conceded and took a deep breath. “My ex wanted me to get mine fixed, or reduced, or whatever. He was really pushy about it, and wanted me to get a fake eye, too. Even just a basic glass one. Nothing fancy.”

“But you didn’t,” Nureyev encouraged.

“Well, obviously. I didn’t want to spend Pereyra’s hush money, and I just… didn’t want another surgery,” Juno said quietly. “I didn’t really get that it was such a big deal for him until he— until I ended things. Or, when he left.”

“Do you know why it was such a big issue with him?” Nureyev asked, even as he planned the very painful way he would dispatch the bastard. When Juno raised his eyebrow at him sceptically, it hit him instantly.

Juno had looked like Benten, until he lost his eye.

“It’s the past, and it should stay there,” Juno replied eventually, and hummed when Nureyev drew him into a gentle press of lips.

“I will be honest with you, Juno; I hate my scars, as they are right now,” Nureyev confessed when he pulled away, smiling weakly at Juno’s curious expression. “Perhaps once they’re less fresh, I will find them more tolerable, but I was considering covering them up before meeting with you tonight.”

“Why didn’t you?” Juno asked.

“Because of you, honestly,” Nureyev said, smiling openly at Juno. “I thought of you, and how beautiful I believe you to be, and your scars are part of that.”

“Jeez, Nureyev,” Juno huffed, glancing away bashfully and chewing the inside of his cheek. “You’re laying it on pretty thick.”

“All of it is the truth, my love,” Nureyev sighed with a grin. “I just can’t believe no one else had figured it out as well.”

“Well,” Juno started with a shrug, “I got you out of it, didn’t I?”

“I was avoiding celebrating decades of people being incredibly stupid and cruel to you, dear,” he chastised lightly, pulling a laugh from Juno.

“Go ahead and celebrate. I mean, I am,” Juno said, accepting another kiss with a quiet moan.

“Are you?” Nureyev asked teasingly, their lips still pressed tightly together.

“Little bit,” Juno sighed and Nureyev laughed, deepening the kiss.

Nureyev kept it up until Juno began faltering in returning the kisses, his eyes fluttering shut. The detective would shake himself awake every time his mouth fell slack under Nureyev’s, returning the kisses with renewed fervor and enthusiasm, hands finding their way into his hair to ground himself.

Eventually though, when Juno drifted off, Nureyev pulled away and let him sleep.

Nureyev laid next to Juno for a while, watching the love of his life sleep peacefully, partially lit up by the city beyond the windows. The next day, he knew he would have to leave, but he thanked every entity from every planet orbiting every star that must have answered whatever secret prayer he had whispered.

Juno Steel was such a gift he didn’t deserve, it had to have been divine intervention.

With a sigh and one last chaste kiss to Juno’s cheek, Nureyev lowered his head to his own pillow and quickly drifted off to sleep as well.

[Previous Chapter][Next Chapter]

#the penumbra podcast #the penumbra fanfic #junoverse #juno steel #jupeter #gerry writes #full fic #bittersweet

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lifeinthegladhouse · 4 years ago

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long personal post apologies to anyone on mobile, just...scroll on by...

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There’s so many things............I wanted to achieve in 2020, which is I’m sure what everyone has said. Somehow I still think 2017 was worse, but .... I don’t know. I was really alone then. I almost lost both my parents, this year I was safe with a better job, good partner, and only lost one (at least I got to see her once in a decade to say goodbye)....ultimately this brought me to heathenism in a weird and roundabout way. It’s hard to know she was really walking around with this poorly depicted Viking nonsense ‘false odin’ with cerberus (why?) going on, lord, she would’ve hated left heathens BUT ALSO wasn’t even a pagan to begin with (so she says, but being a pentecostal and having psychosis, while this does not a pagan make, made for a quite magickal and brutal experience). my mother was a trickster entity in living flesh. at first, i learned into having guides for the first time. i wondered if it was a coping mechanism, but i shrugged, because it was not my intention to see the numbers repeating, or the ‘loki’ every..single..day..for a week... in the weirdest fucking places... it was not my intention to lose my best friends in this city (which is not my final destination, ha) because they were too busy having poly drama, to, idk, support their friend, and then ghosted me, or came up with some weird passive aggressive bullshit. it totally dominated my 2020 - the pandemic, then mom dying, then the deities, then the loss. my card of the year was the hermit, i thought that was such a joke considering the pandemic. how could that then apply to me more personally? I haven’t had time or space mentally to recount the beautiful parts of the year because we’ve been stuck inside, inside during riots, inside during west coast smoke hell, inside where the spiders are. astoria was beautiful. it was god given. i knew what was real was real that day. it’s been seven months since mom passed, and i know her spirit has contacted me. it has brought me closer to my own spirituality which was accidentally rampant chaos magick that i was unaware of - introduced to me by ten years of tricksters who I never quite recognized. at the altar, id pull cards, i began to learn runes, and id ask, “were you always there? was that the presence that was always there?” I don’t know, much of the paranoid presence I felt my whole life ended when mom died. so much ended. i still want to write about it. again and again. because i forget that it happened, i compressed it so far back. everyone walked away and all that remained was my partner and the unseen. i would get straight answers on the altar, but never for that question. i never understood, and still hardly do, why loki came - was it to console me after the passing of my mother? somehow a veil had been lifted and my already wack ass intuition became 25% greater, somehow i felt seen and heard by others. at first, i was scared... i had always gravitated unknowingly towards tricksters and mercurial beings, loki came during the week of L*ghnasadh, after I’d been reading abt the ACTUAL “mercury”/hermes.... it was as if to be like, oh, you’re looking to NAME US FINALLY? THIS ENERGY, HERE _______. I was a little sheepish of Odin because of the association..... and I never quite got an answer. Sometimes still, I am struggling to understand this deity, however many a time loud and clear he and Loki have responded within the half-hour, be it some really weird ultra-specific shit to crop up, flickering shit, popping, knocking over. I turn to him frequently as, the more I read, the more I trust... this understanding of inarticulatable parts of myself - when I read about odr I was thinking of what this could mean for me, especially as a trans person, and it moved me. when I think about knowledge, and loss... when I think of the underdog vying that Odin (and of course Loki) represent, it is always with grace and honor that I am glad to be In It. I struggle tho, cos no matter how viscerally real my experiences have been, and no matter how little I would ever wish to disrespect them by denying faith, as a human who has run far from christianity and is skeptical of everything, every day, I’m like, ‘how much can I lean into this? is this ‘weird’ or delusional? am i acting like a child?” but, ..... I have learned from many smart and creative folks of the same ilk that we are not alone and the passage of time cannot destroy old gods so easily, and I am honored to be called to that. 2020.....that is.....to me, the year of death and rebirth. it was the only parting gift mom could give me. as she died, I told her I knew the lord had brought me there. I knew we had made it JUST in time, by many many strokes of good ‘luck’, to see her off. the last day we saw her was the last day she’d ever seen both her children together in her life. of course, she probably hardly recognized me. and she loved my brother more. had spent less time with him. oh lord, she did look at me with burning eyes of distrust and hatred, but that was not her fault. she was so ill. god she was so ill. dad joked, after she died, ‘maybe she’ll finally be in valhalla’, he didnt know what that meant. mom was a ‘devout’ christian woman of “god”. she was no pagan. she did not serve odin. but 2 months later when I discovered them, I heard his words ringing in my head, and I had to laugh. It’s been so hard...losing the queer comrades I had with me because of ? what ? exactly ? I still dn’t know, watching someone I spent 3 years being ‘close’ to basically patronize me that she always had reservations about us, never let me in, or get closer, like real friends, .... id cry and cry thinking, why, did i lose the one figure who brought me into this world, who i never had, for ten years, who abandoned me and hated every ounce of my being, and to confront this NOW in the middle of a pandemic, where i have zero way to the outside world to cope, and then to be left behind AGAIN by SO MANY PEOPLE, i felt Loki’s comforting presence. I’m trying to focus on the future again, that’s what 2021 is giving me. the “year” label, “when mom died” is over. even if that event forever changed my life far beyond that of a normal passing (?) I mean, it’s never normal when a mom dies, much less a woman like her, have mercy, it’s over. 2021 is the “year when we move to los angeles” its the “year when i start a REAL band again instead of be a side piece for a woman who cant get real with herself and her drum machine”, the “year when maybe ill take my adhd meds and hrt” we’re suspended in a stasis, there are big ups and downs. in two weeks i quit my med of 2 years, because it’s causing harm and i actually dont technically need to be on it anymore. im scared and excited. i need the change. i need the CHOICE.

#personalposting #long post #im SO SORRY IF YR ON MOBILE AND SEE ALL THIS #whatever its my blog ill write if i want to

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tussive · 4 years ago

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I have a lot of thoughts on this subject and some of them are touchy and I know many of my followers are trans. I've never really spoken about most of this publicly, but I was just discussing this type of thing with @fresholivesfromtheolivebar and I thought having a place to organize my thoughts and get them out in a hopefully not too rambly/weird and mostly cohesive post.

I used to identify agender/non-binary for a period of time. I've never identified as "male." I don't understand men. I don't get men. They talk to me and it's like their way of thinking is completely foreign to me. That isn't to say I'm not male. I am very much male. I was raised male. I am seen as male. I have been conditioned as a male (possibly a faggy male lol) my entire life, including now, and that undoubtably affects how I perceive life and shapes my personality. I've always mostly had women as friends, male friends generally I lost interest in talking to quickly, and I don't typically udnerstand their line of thinking/reasoning to begin with.

That's Colette quote sums it up really well for me. "“I have nothing to say to men and never had. Judging from the little time I’ve spent with them, their usual conversation is sickening. Besides, they bore me. I believe,” he hesitated, then concluded, “I believe I don’t understand men.”"

I have several male internet friends, but none who I'm especially close to. We all go months without talking sometimes, but I do enjoy speaking with them over shared interests. William is the exception, but we have discussed these things at lengths and he feels almost (or maybe entirely) the same way as I do. He doesn't really consider himsself "male" either.

I didn't like agender or non-binary or genderfluid or any of that, because I feel like they carry their own impressions that I didn't feel fit me. When I was younger, I experienced a great deal of gender dysphoria. I wanted to be born a girl. Probably because I always got along better with the other girls school. I spent a lot of time with my grandmother and her female friends. My step-grandfather was in my life heavily and I loved him dearly, but I never connected with him on the same level I did with my grandmother.

I thought I may be trans when I was younger. I looked into things, explored options, spoke with trans women and many of them were very pushy about transitioning. I was under 18 at the time and one person actually threatened me with calling CPS, lying and saying I was abused, so I could go live with another family and could "be who I really was."

That experience put me off becoming trans a lot, if I'm being totally honest. But also around that time I was questioning gender roles to to begin with. Why are certain traits, behaviors and interests considered "female" and others are considered "male." It didn't make sense to me. So I just said fuck you to gender roles and started doing whatever I wanted and my gender dysphoria went away. I still have aspects of my body I don't like and wish were different, but I think that's literally every human. Mine may be based around my sex to a degree and wishing I looked more feminine, but the core of the problem is the same.

I went by non-binary/agender for a while, but I didn't really love those because I felt like they came with their own implications, so I stil just called myself a male and would say like "male, kind of" or something when someone asked lol. I generally say I'm straight, but I do find males to be sexually attractive, but I've never met a man who I was able to connect with emotionally on any level even close to resembling romantic attraction. William is my only close male friend and I love him like a brother, not someone I want to put my dick into. I know going by like "newer" more specific terms, I'd probably be like "agender/non-binary demisexual heteroromantic." But I just feel like that is dumb. I don't think a label needs to perfectly describe you, just give people a rough idea, personally.

And like, I love trans people. Let me say here, I do not view any issue with trans people and if they feel transitioning is their best shot at happiness, they should go that. I am 100% believe in full bodily autonomy, you should be allowed to do anything with it that doesn't hurt someone. I do think a minority of people have taken things with it too far and have started trying to "cancel" anyone who doesn't perfectly all in line with their idealogy, but the majority of trans people I've meant online and in person are not that, they just want to be happy in their own body.

That being sad, I do think a lot of "TERF" arguments are valid. I think having spaces specifically for AFAB people is a good thing. Being born male or female and raised and conditioned that way within a society WILL affect who you are as an adult, even if you were trans then and just didn't really realize it yet. I like the "3rd gender neutral" bathroom idea, but I think it should go a step further. Eliminate all multi stall bathrooms. Every bathroom should be a single bathroom that anyone can use, regardless of sex or gender identity.

That all said, I view trans women as women. And the above points aren't really fair to them,* I agree totally. Like that is genuinely so shitty and my heart breaks for trans people who suffer through as much as they do. It's not fair that it happens. (Unfortunately a lot of things aren't fair. Which doesn't mean "SUCK IT UP PUMPKIN" it just means shit is going to suck a lot and learning to roll with it is the best way to have any kind of peace of mind imo. But I fully empathize. I am no familiar with gender dysphoria. And I still wish I was born female.

I just don't think transitioning is right for me because there's NOTHING that stops me from doing whatever I wanna do, wearing whatever I wanna wear, talking how I want to talk, etc as a male that I wouldn't be able to do. So it doesn't matter all that much. If other people want to transition, I fully support them and I think it should be easier for people to do so.

I love trans people, not to pull the "I even have some [x] friends!" card but basically every person I talk to regularly is a woman or trans/nb/queen/etc. I do what I can to support them whenever I can.

I know some of what I said here probably comes across TERF-y, or whatever the male equivalent of that would be. I don't claim that term, but I've been called it by random trans people online like hundreds of times.

If you feel like I'm a TERF or hate trans people or don't respect you or what you go through, by all means block/unfollow/message me to d iscuss it further. If you unfollow, I get it, you won't offend me or anything. Most of this is just me working out/posting my gender identity again because I feel good about it now really. The trans stuff is just like there to try to add context of why I don't call myself trans.

(Kinda sidenote: honestly I've been calling myself "queer" more and more. It's vague and doesn't give any specific impression other than "not cis opposite attracted person" and I think that's a good way to describe myself lol.)

Sorry this is long, sorry if this is confusing, I didn't proofread at all and sorry if this upsets you. I'm happy to talk with you if you are upset about anything or if you just want nothing to do with someone like me, that's totally fine!

Anyway, if you read all of this, I tank you. I know it's way too long but I just had some thoughts and feelings I felt relevant to things today and wanted to get them out.

Love you. <3 Marcus

#gender identity #trans issues #hope this isn't a huge fucking mistake lol

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justthatamount · 4 years ago

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Since I'm rambling about being trans today... I wanna share the story of how I ordered a binder. Dunno if I already did sorry. Also WARNINGS, mentions of past abuse.

I came out a year ago this month (22nd I think) anyway I'm a minor right? This means I still have to live with my parents. I struggle really hard with Dysphoria and somedays I feel like I can't handle it. Anyway my parents are STILL in denial this means incorrect names pronouns and not being allowed to transition. I have a short "female" haircut (super masc haircut on a female model thank God almost nobody would do it since they didn't want me to look like a dude funny since that's the point) anyway I have like super big tits. This means they're hard to hide and I didn't have a binder.

The other day I had an idea I pulled up Gc2b's website and chose out my dream binder. Then with the help of my little brother (donated like $25 cash for this he's really trying but struggles a lot) anyway we biked to the store to buy a $50 Visa giftcard. The binder would be $33 dollars but I struggle with crippling anxiety and didn't want to be short. Anyway I entered the store $51 in my wallet. I was alone since we forgot a bike lock I'm already shaking with both anxiety and excitement. I grab the card and get a little confused on wether or not I can use self check out (some random employee yelled across the store that I could) so I head to the self check out.

The attendant this nice old man (definitely a boomer) helps me out. Then I start to pay by the end I'm $3.84 short and I'm shaking I don't know what to do. I'm on a time limit I have an event right after this and my little brother forgot his phone so I can't contact him. The old man comes over and asks me if I'm short I nod and give a shakey yes. This absolute God whips out a $5 bill and goes "it's ok I'll cover it" so now I'm crying super greatful thanking him. Anyway I leave the store shaking and holding the giftcard crying happy tears. I make my way over to my little brother and he freaks out seeing me crying and shaking.

Turns out I happen to be the luckiest person in the WHOLE WORLD. My brother points to a bike next to ours and says "we have to go" I nod confused. He asks me if I know it and I have a nagging feeling of dread but shake my head. Anyway he looks at me and says "*redacted* we have to hurry I spoke with them" ok so turns out my LITERAL FORMER ABUSER WAS THERE. I can not stress that enough.

So we bike home I'm still crying and when we finally get home and it hits me. My little brother saw and spoke to my former abuser (for personal reasons I won't disclose the stitch but I will say he WAS NOT harmed by this person ever in his life I made sure of that) he was fine by the way. It was an absolutely terrible experience but I pushed it away my mind spinning with how close I was to being unsafe again. Anyway I go upstairs and pull up the website and put my order in anxiety and excitement mixing together.

In short if that man didnt do that for me I would never have been able to. I can no longer go back there out of fear and it's the only place nearby I could've gone.

This is why you should be kind you have no clue how much you're affecting them. The whole "one small act could change a person's day" things could've been so much worse if he hadn't done that for me.

#transgender #trans #Ftm #ftm problems

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louis-damien · 5 years ago

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Story time!

When I was still experimenting with labels last summer (July-August) and tried out trans for while a, guy confessed to me that he liked me- when he still thought I was a girl. I started talking to this guy and one day I brought it up and I was like "Yeah I think I'm trans" and this fucking dude made a weird fucking egg analogy. He grabbed a white egg and a brown egg and he broke both of them open and he's like "I don't care about what your shell looks like, I like you for who you are" and I was like aw sweet. This dude later took me to the county fair and the entire day I talked to him like I would talk to a friend. Casual conversation, light touches to the arm or hand cause I'm a touchy person, y'know, friend stuff.

This guy texts me the next day and he's like "I know it's only been like two days and it's probably too early but I love you" and I texted back "Thanks" cause I just thought of the dude as a friend. Anyway a couple days later he asks me if I want to walk down to the bridge that's an hour walk from my house. I say yes, and bring my little brother.

This guy was just a general ass to my little brother the entire time, which was the final straw. Sometimes I don't get along very well with my brother, but he's my number one priority. After being an ass to my brother, he tired to kiss me? So I said no because at this point I did not like this guy even as a friend anymore. Anyway I send my brother home ahead of me but not by far, and I had to gently break up with this guy that I wasn't even fuckin dating! I did the whole "Not emotionally stable enough for a relationship" bit- which, at the time, I wasn't. I had really bad dysphoria and it was probably the lowest I've ever felt in my life. Also did I mention that guy was an ass to most people? Cause he was.

Anyway guy gets upset, pulls the pity card, "Oh at least you're breaking up with me face to face- I once had a girl break up with me over text boohoo". Normally I'm very compassionate but I was just Fed Up at this point. Remember, we're taking an hour-long walk in July in Iowa. It's fucking hot. And I live in the country, right near a buncha farmland. Anyway, I get Fed Up with this guy, and I chucked an ear of corn at his head. Blocked him on Snapchat (never gave him my phone number), done with him.

Fast Foward about a month. School has started, I'm starting to question if I really am trans (spoiler alert, I'm not), and my now-boyfriend asks me out to our school's homecoming dance, I say yes cause I've crushed on him since like preschool. (Mutual on and off crushing since preschool apparently, both of us were just too fucking scared to say anything) Anyway, I have a happy and healthy relationship with a great guy.

Flash Foward again. Now it's second semester, I have geometry with AssHat from before. I sit right in front of him. For the most part he doesn't bother me, because once he tried to pull the "You're probably miserable since you turned me down" and like ha bitch, no I'm not, I'm flourishing! I tell him about happy healthy relationship, he backs off for a little.

Then, he starts telling me to kys, that the world would be better without me. This goes on for three days before I yell at him when one of my favorite teachers was in the classroom. (Not the math teacher though, she was somewhere else, Spanish teacher was watching us.) Guy gets taken to principal's office, I spend the rest of class explaining my situation to the superintendent and stuff.

Three days of in-school suspension. That's all of the punishment that AssHat got. As soon as that was over, he went straight back to the same geometry class, same seat. My best friends actually had to rearrange things themselves, and my favorite ginger switched seats with me.

AssHat later got suspended for fighting in that same geometry class. @totalllytoby was the only one in our friend group to witness that one cause the other 3 of us were in band setting up for a school assembly.

High school is fucking weird man.

#my life #dino talks #long post #suicide mention

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thehyperkraken · 6 years ago

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The Suffering of John Marston, 13

A/N: just a cute lil slice o life fic about modern husbands dutch & hosea and their 2 dumb sons and all their sons’ dumb friends :^) warnings include MILD DESCRIPTIONS OF KISSING and ME MERCILESSLY EMBARRASSING JOHN MARSTON and WALKING IN ON YOUR PARENTS MAKING OUT WHEN YOU’RE THIRTEEN and KIDS GIVING OVERSIMPLIFIED EXPLANATIONS OF BEING TRANS

-x-

Arthur and his older, cooler friends preferred to sit beside the pool and gossip instead of ever actually getting in the water. That suited John fine, since he had absolutely no interest in giving Arthur yet another opportunity to try to drown him, but he didn’t understand why they couldn’t all just go inside and play video games or watch a movie or something instead.

There was nothing more boring than listening to his brother’s high school drama. John didn’t give a shit about what boys Arthur and his friends liked, or what Micah said about who at lunch, or the latest episode of that TV show everyone was watching, or whatever else older kids talked about. John wanted to talk about Super Smash Bros. More specifically, he wanted to talk about Super Smash Bros while playing Super Smash Bros. Most specifically, he wanted to talk to Abigail Roberts about Super Smash Bros while playing Super Smash Bros with her, so maybe she would teach him some moves and he could finally stop losing at Super Smash Bros.

But Abigail wanted to hang out by the pool with everyone else. If she were having as miserable of a time as John was, he would have suggested they desert the “party” to play video games an hour ago. But Abigail got along with Sadie and Charles just fine. She even seemed to like Arthur, which was the ultimate betrayal in John’s eyes. So John kept his mouth shut for once and sat on the edge of the group, hugging his knees and sulking, because he didn’t want to be the one to pull Abigail away while she was having fun.

John met Abigail in his special needs class. She had dyslexia, he had attention deficient something something disease or whatever. John had invited Abigail to the party because he thought she was funny, and smart, and pretty, and he really, really liked her, and Arthur was bringing friends over, so John wanted to bring friends over too, but he didn’t really have any other friends.

Well, except Javier, of course. But Javier was Arthur’s friend first, and Arthur had already invited him, but Javier couldn’t come because he was out of town over the weekend for his abuela’s birthday. And anyway, John had been hoping Abigail would be equally as bored by the older kids as John was, and they could spend some time alone together.

But no. Abigail was happily talking to Sadie about a band they both liked. John tried very hard not to begrudge her and instead pay attention to her interests but oh my god he was so bored.

It was a lovely afternoon, at least. Warm enough to make the idea of swimming seem almost appealing, but not hot enough to make it a necessity for being outside. Charles had rolled up his pant legs to dip just his feet in the water. Arthur had even deigned to remove his cool coat he never left home without. Their dads, Dutch and Hosea, were both celebrating the arrival of spring by wearing cargo shorts, and in Dutch’s case, an obnoxious Hawaiian shirt.

Dutch had grilled hotdogs and hamburgers for everyone, while Hosea set out chips and drinks and condiments and paper plates on the patio table. After everyone was finished eating, Hosea settled into one of the patio chairs with a book. Meanwhile Dutch cleaned up the grill and put the leftover food away.

When he was done, Dutch stood in front of the sliding doors to the house with his hands on his hips and loudly announced, “Well, I think I’m gonna head on in now. Lots of work to catch up on.”

He was looking at Hosea, so none of the kids responded. Hosea hummed neutrally without taking his eyes off his book.

Dutch cleared his throat and tried again. “Yep, gettin’ too hot out for me. Think I’ll go in and have a sit-down.”

Hosea turned the page.

Dutch kicked the leg of the patio table, rattling it and making Hosea jump. He finally looked up from his book, and Dutch caught his eye.

“Huh?”

Grinning, Dutch murmured, “I said, it’s gettin’ kinda hot out, ain’t it? I’m thinkin’ about goin’ inside and coolin’ off. Gettin’ some emails sent.”

Hosea carefully closed his book and laid it flat on the table. “Yes. Now that you mention it, it is becoming a tad warm.”

“Bet that’s playin’ hell on your joints, huh, old man?”

“Oh, absolutely.”

“Well! Maybe you should get yourself inside, then.” Dutch clapped his hands, rubbed them together, and started walking backwards into the house. “You kids have fun! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

Hosea stood up and said, “Y’know, I think I am gonna head in as well.” He followed Dutch, the book tucked under his arm like a football. In the doorway, he paused and called out to the teens, “Help yourselves to anything in the kitchen. Arthur, you’re Lifeguard On Duty, so don’t let anybody drown, alright?”

Arthur nodded and waved his hand dismissively. No one else was paying attention to what the adults were doing.

Charles brought out a pack of cards and asked if anybody knew Old Maid. John said no. Everybody else said yes. Charles patiently tried to teach him the basics, but John didn’t understand it, so he said he hadn’t wanted to play anyway, embarrassed.

About fifteen minutes after their dads left, Arthur said with a sly smile, “Hey John, why don’t you go in and check on pops?”

John looked up, having zoned out thinking about video games again. “What?”

“Hosea said his joints were acting up. Why don’t you go in and check on him, see if he needs help with anything.”

“Why don’t you do it,” John said petulantly.

Arthur gestured to his cards. “I’m busy.”

“That’s—“

“Besides,” Arthur interrupted, and grinned at Abigail. “I bet Miss Abigail would like another coke, right?”

“Oh.” Abigail glanced at her coke can and shook it. It sloshed emptily. “Yeah, I guess so. If it’s not a bother.”

John was already on his feet. “No, it’s no bother! I’ll be right back!”

He restrained himself from flat-out running into the house. John looked for Hosea first, since he was worried he’d forget, and Abigail probably wouldn’t appreciate him letting her drink get warm while he carried it around.

Hosea wasn’t anywhere on the ground level. Figuring he was probably in his and Dutch’s bedroom resting, John went upstairs, once again moving as fast as possible without it being considered “running in the house.” He made a beeline for the closed door at the end of the hall and swung it open without knocking.

There, John found Hosea. And, unfortunately, Dutch.

They were on the bed. Hosea was lying on his back, with Dutch on top of him, his legs wrapped around Dutch’s waist. John couldn’t see much more than the back of Dutch’s head, but he could hear soft kissing noises coming from that direction. They were thankfully both still fully clothed, though one of Dutch’s hands was on Hosea’s thigh and rapidly disappearing up the leg of Hosea’s shorts. And there was absolutely no mistaking the slow, steady rocking motion of their hips.

John barely managed to stop himself from screaming in horror. He silently jumped back out of the room, and then not-so-silently slammed the door so hard that the resulting bang echoed throughout the house.

Ha stared at the door stupidly, frozen in shock. John’s heart was pounding and his face was so red he felt like he could scramble an egg on his forehead.

There was some shuffling from inside the bedroom, and quiet voices. John heard Hosea say “no, you,” and then a couple seconds later, Dutch opened the door. He was rumpled, his hair falling out of place, the top few of his shirt buttons were undone, and that was definitely a bruise on his shoulder. He only opened the door wide enough to lean his torso outside.

Dutch spotted John and blinked at him in surprise. “John?”

John avoided looking at him as if he was completely nude. “Uh, hi,” he said weakly to the ceiling.

Dutch sighed and ran a hand over his face. “Did you... need something...? Or...?”

“N-No. No, I just,” John gulped, “was comin’ to check on papa is all.”

Hosea called from inside the bedroom, “Didn’t your daddy ever teach you to knock?”

Dutch turned and yelled over his shoulder, “Didn’t your daddy ever teach you to lock the damn door?”

“I was a little preoccupied at the time, dear.”

Even though it was almost always in good fun, hearing his parents yell at each other still set John’s nerves on edge.

“S-Sorry, I’ll just, um. Arthur told me to see if y’all needed help with anything, and, obviously not, so, I’ll just go then—“

Dutch narrowed his eyes and said, “Arthur.”

John gulped. “Um, anyway. I’m gonna... go. Uh.” He started walking away backwards. “Bye. Uh. Sorry. Bye.”

John turned and sprinted down the stairs, slapping his hand to his forehead. He was so distressed that he completely forgot about Abigail’s drink in his desperation to get away.

John walked back out into the yard and stopped in front of the sliding doors. Arthur glanced over, and as soon as he saw the slope of John’s shoulders, he jumped up and started running. John ran after him, screaming threats and obscenities.

“You son of a bitch! I’m gonna kill you! Get back here you big fucker piece of shit!!!”

Arthur didn’t actually have to run so much as jog, because his legs were much longer and stronger than John’s thanks to his most recent growth spurt. He jogged several laps around the pool, laughing, before he let John catch him. John jumped up, grabbed him by the collar, and screamed in his face. John was so angry and embarrassed that he wasn’t sure anymore if he was saying words or just making noise.

Arthur easily pried John’s hands off of him and chuckled, “Calm down, kid.”

“Calm down?! Calm down?! You set me up for the worst experience of my whole damn life, you asshole!”

“But did you die, though,” Arthur said.

“IN EVERY WAY BUT PHYSICALLY, YEAH!”

“Sorry... What happened?” Charles said.

John turned on him and yelled, “I saw dad and papa makin’ out and it was awful and it was all stupid Arthur’s fault!”

Arthur put a hand on his shoulder and said, “Hey, you’re old enough now that it’s time you started learnin’ ‘bout the birds and the bees. So you’re welcome, really.”

John scowled and shrugged the hand off. “I learned too damn much already from you bringin’ over that Albert guy.”

Charles started “oooh”-ing. Sadie put her fist under her chin and said, “Albert, huh?” Abigail was glancing between them and Arthur with wide eyes.

Arthur’s smile fell and his face went stony. “Albert is my friend,” he said to John, voice dangerously sharp.

“Awful strange sort of friends who put their hands up each other’s shirts,” John said before he could stop himself.

Arthur shot him a look, and John started running, yelling his head off the whole way. Sadie and Charles were also yelling, rooting for John. But unlike before, when he moved at a leisurely jog, this time Arthur broke into a dead sprint and caught up with John almost immediately. He grabbed John around the waist, picked him up, and tossed him, kicking and screaming, into the pool.

It was only the shallow end, but still. John could have died.

Or at least, that’s what he told Charles and Sadie over and over again as they fished him out. He told Abigail, too, but she just replied, “Stop whining, you’re fine.” She wrapped one of their unused beach towels around him from behind and held him in a brief hug. John thought maybe that was worth risking his life for, so he shut up about it.

Shortly after that, Abigail had to leave because she had promised her parents she’d be home before dark. Sadie offered to drive her home, and Charles was also depending on Sadie for a ride, so that was the party over, then.

Within twenty minutes, John was curled up on their couch watching a movie with Arthur, and he’d almost completely forgotten about his previous embarrassment. He was still damp and wrapped in the beach towel, only because he was too lazy to change clothes and not because it smelled a little like Abigail.

“Your man-tea you drink is givin’ you an unfair height advantage, otherwise I could totally take you,” John said through a mouthful of popcorn. Arthur had made some for himself and set the bowl between them on the couch. Arthur ate pieces one at a time, whereas John ate as much as he could physically fit in his fist.

“My man what,” Arthur said.

“Your tea medicine stuff you take that’s gonna make you a man.”

“Oh.” Arthur hesitated. “You mean ‘T,’ as in the letter T. It’s short for testosterone, and it ain’t gonna ‘make’ me a man. It’s just a hormone that makes you grow a beard and stuff.”

“Oh. D’you drink it?”

“Nah. It’s a shot.” Arthur stuck out his finger and pantomimed giving John a shot in the leg with it. John, who was maybe a little (rightly!) nervous about needles but definitely not afraid of them, squirmed away.

“Don’t that hurt?”

“A little. Y’get used to it.”

They lapsed into silence for a moment, watching the movie. It was some horror movie Arthur had mentioned wanting to see once. They were only a few minutes in and John hated it because like three people had died already. The movie had been his own choice, wanting to prove that he could watch grown-up movies with Arthur and not get scared, but now his confidence in his own willpower was waning more and more with every gruesome blood splash he saw.

“The T ain’t what’s makin’ me taller than you, though,” Arthur said. “You’re just short ‘cause you’re still a kid.”

“You’re a kid, too,” John snapped, highly offended. “A really big and boring kid, but still.”

Arthur grinned and shook his head. “I mean, you ain’t done growin’ yet. You’ll get big and boring too one day, I promise. It just takes time.”

John didn’t answer, crunching his popcorn loudly to pretend like he didn’t hear Arthur.

“Who knows?” Arthur continued. “Maybe you’ll grow up to be even taller than me, eventually.”

John perked up. “Really?”

“Yeah, maybe. Or maybe even taller than Dutch.”

John always thought it was really weird when Arthur called their dads by their first names. He knew that they had gotten Arthur when he was older than John was when they had adopted him. He figured maybe Arthur had more solid memories of his birth parents than John did, and having three dads in his head was too confusing. Maybe that was why it took Arthur almost a full year to call either of them dad instead of Mr. Matthews or Mr. Van der Linde. Maybe that was why he still slipped up sometimes, even now. But John thought it rude to point it out, so he didn’t bring it up.

“Dad’s really tall,” John said, doubtfully.

“Yeah. But pa said so was Mr. Marston. Guess we’ll just have to wait and see.”

John didn’t respond. He silently appreciated Arthur’s refusal to use any fatherly words to describe the man he shared DNA with.

“Then again, I don’t think height is your problem, either,” Arthur said. “You’d just keep stretchin’ out like a stringbean. I’d still be able to toss you around.”

“Nuh-uh...”

“You gotta get some fat and muscle on them bones.” Arthur pinched gently at John’s skinny bicep. “You eatin’ the lunches pa packs for you, boy?”

John shoved Arthur’s hands away, and they had a slap fight for a bit before they lapsed back into silence. John didn’t want to think about the movie he was seeing, so he thought about Abigail instead.

At some point, Dutch and Hosea came downstairs, and John only noticed when Dutch leaned on his elbows against the back of the couch. He could hear Hosea cleaning up in the kitchen.

“Hello, Arthur,” Dutch said, eyebrow raised. “Have a good laugh earlier?”

Arthur’s face remained blank, and he didn’t look away from the TV. “I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.”

“Mhm. Well maybe I’ll start checkin’ up on ya when you and that Mason boy disappear into your room to ‘listen to music.’”

Arthur, to his credit, kept his poker face. “Fine. Absolutely fine.”

Dutch snorted and moved away into the kitchen to help Hosea. “I for one can’t wait until spring break is over and you heathens gotta go back to school.”

-x-

The next day, Hosea cornered Arthur in the living room after breakfast and handed him a couple bills and said, “You’ll be taking John to the movies.”

Arthur looked at the money, startled, and protested, “But Charles and I were gonna get Sadie and—”

“I didn’t ask,” Hosea said, impatiently. “Take them too, if ya want. Or go to the mall or the arcade, or go ridin’ around causin’ trouble, hell, do some graffiti, whatever it is kids do these days, I don’t care. Just don’t come back until lunch time, for the love of god.”

Arthur glanced back into the kitchen, where Dutch was scrubbing a plate with unusual grumpiness. In fact, everything he’d done that morning had been with an irritable energy about him.

“Yeah, alright,” Arthur muttered, and took the money. He figured he owed them one.

John was more than happy to go to the movies, especially when Arthur told him it was his choice. He picked a funny animated adventure movie about cowboys sailing to a tropical island.

Afterwards, they walked around the mall with Sadie, Charles, and Charles’s little half-brother Lenny. Lenny was even younger than John but seemed to be way smarter, somehow. Lenny was kind of shy, but he was also nice and funny and played video games, so John liked him well enough.

They all went to the food court and ate greasy pizza, and Arthur video-called Javier on his phone. Arthur said it was so Javier could see how much fun everyone was having without him, but Charles said it was because they missed him.

When it was John’s turn to say hi to Javier, he snatched Arthur’s phone and ran with it, excitedly telling Javier about how Abigail hugged him, and how she texted Sadie to ask Arthur to tell John that she wouldn’t mind hanging out with him again, and wasn’t that cool? Javier laughed and agreed that it was very cool, but then Arthur wrestled his phone back and called John a shithead, so John stole Arthur’s last pizza slice in retaliation.

-x-

Arthur made sure that they didn’t get back home until it was well after lunch. And if he noticed that their dads had hair still damp from a shower, or that Dutch had a certain spring in his step and wouldn’t stop whistling, or that Hosea kept bumping Dutch with his shoulder every time they passed each other, then Arthur had the good sense not to mention it.

#rdr2 modern au #vandermatthews #trans arthur morgan #this was originally a lil exercise for how i imagined teen bros arthur n john would interact and then it grew legs and ran away #now i have incredibly in depth thoughts about every goddamn character so ugh expect a follow up ideas dump post. it'll be tagged #the suffering of john marston. 13 #im....not gonna tag everyone thats too much work #do albert and arthur have a ship name yet tho #morgason #good enough #its ugly but its mine #rdr2 #had to repost this bc of weird formatting issues thanks tumblr

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mycasandstarrs · 6 years ago

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SPN 8x02: “What’s Up, Tiger Mommy?”

THEN: Dean’s back from Purgatory. Dean had some assistance from a vampire in getting out. Cas didn’t make it out. Kevin, our new reluctant Prophet. The demon tablet and the vital info it has.

Chicago, Illinois.

Box #1.

An “extremely valuable” bone.

This bank teller was so sweet.

RIP bank teller. Killed by Mr. Vili.

“Is it too much to ask if we can swing by and check on my mom?”

"’Swing by?’ It's a day's drive in the opposite direction. You know that, right?”

Come on, Dean.

“He's [Crowley] probably got the place stacked with bodyguards right now, protecting her so that when you do show up, they'll pounce on you both.” That’s a fair point...but come on, man. Let the kid see his mom.

“Can you really not understand why I want to make sure she's okay?” Kevin got you there.

Neighbor, Michigan.

Mrs. Tran!

Dean can pick out all the demons: the mailman and the gardener.

RIP demon. Killed by Dean.

RIP other demon. Killed by Sam.

(Some poor bastard had to find those bodies.)

:’)

Backwards exorcism, NICELY DONE SAM!

RIP Eunis/demon. Killed by Dean.

“Mrs. Tran, your friend was possessed by a demon.”

“Have you ever seen ‘The Exorcist’?”

“Is that what you've been doing all year – watching television?”

pfft.

“Prophet of the Lord, huh? It does have a nice ring to it.” It does!

Kevin already knew that Sam and Dean wouldn’t be able to convince his mom not to come.

“It's not my soul I'm worried about. It's my son's.” Like a good mother. :’)

“Kevin, you want to back us up here? Came all the way down here to pull her out of the fire, and now she wants to jump right back in.”

“Like I can tell her what to do.”

The Trans gotta get tatted.

ohhh

“What, like it's my first tattoo?” YAS, MAMA TRAN’S A LEGEND

Tattoo time!

Mrs. Tran’s getting tattooed like a champ!

I love how she holds out her hand for Kevin to hold. How sweet.

Laramie, Wyoming.

“All right. Positive thoughts.”

Welp. The power of positive thinking did nothing. The tablet’s gone.

Sam and Dean suited up quick.

Clem Smedley.

We’re gonna good cop/extreme bad cop this one.

Purgatory Flashback!!

“Where’s the angel?”

OOOHHHHH.

I’M MCLOSING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RIP monster. Killed by Dean.

What a great scene.

Impala > European car. Any day.

Lyle.

“That your car outside?”

“What's it to you, mail-order?”

EXCUSE ME.

“I got it. I notice you're driving with expired tags, maybe because you just acquired it in a trade, and I'm guessing that means you haven't registered it yet, which means you haven't paid the tax. Is that correct?”

LINDA MOTHERFUCKING TRAN.

“Kevin, average blue book on a 2010 Ferrari F430 Spider?”

“$217,000.”

“And the 5% Wyoming tax?”

“$10,850.”

“$10,000. Something tells me you're the type who might balk at a tax bill that big.”

“W-what is this, an FBI audit?”

“No. But my brother, who happens to work for the Wyoming tax assessor's office could arrange that if he thought something untoward was happening here. So what's it going to be – the tablet or that piece of Eurotrash crap you call a car?”

She’s the best!!!!

Beau.

They have been cordially invited to a supernatural auction.

“I am the right hand of a God, after all – Plutus, specifically.”

“Is that even a planet anymore?”

Aww come on, Dean.

Instead of saying ”fine”, Beau says “copacetic”. Fancy.

“Well, thank you, Mr. Peanut!”

SAM. NO. NOT THE CAR.

“They didn't mean it, baby.”

Damn it, Dean.

HOW MANY FREAKING WEAPONS DID HE TRY TO SMUGGLE IN?

Clever of them to cover up the tablet so no one could read it. Plan A is out, as usual.

Hello again, Crowley.

Mothers and punching the rulers of Hell. My favorite thing.

“Listen to Moose, Squirrel.” Dean’s first “squirrel”.

Oh my god, I almost forgot! Samandriel aka Alfie. (Did Naomi send him?)

“You know, there are some in Heaven who still believe, despite his mistakes, that Castiel's heart was always in the right place.”

“Are you one of them?”

“I think too much heart was always Castiel's problem.”

The iconic line.

OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT.

Cas probably thinking “Damn it, he found me.”

Their first hug.

“Damn, it’s good to see you. Nice peach fuzz.”

Dean’s so happy to see Cas. He introduces Benny and Cas like they’re at the bar, grabbing some drinks and not in the middle of Purgatory, being hunted at every moment.

“Why'd you bail on Dean?” Benny’s going there immediately.

“Look, we were surrounded, okay? Some freak jumped Cas. Obviously, he kicked its ass, right?”

“No.”

“What?”

“I ran away.”

S h i t.

“You bailed out and, what, went camping? I prayed to you, Cas, every night.”

“I know.”

k i l l me.

“Cas, we're getting out of here. We're going home.” I could honestly cry.

“Purgatory has an escape hatch, but I got no idea if it's angel-friendly.”

“We'll figure it out. Cas, buddy, I need you.”

And the hits just keep a-coming.

“Let me bottom-line it for you. I'm not leaving here without you. Understand?”

“I understand.”

Cas internally deciding he’d go with Dean as far as he can...before letting him go.

[This, what happened in and out of Purgatory, was when I realized how much Dean loved Cas. Here is where I started shipping Destiel full time. I have no regrets.]

Plan B is hacked credit cards, $2,000 in cash, and a Costco membership card.

“Let's start the bidding with, um, three tons of dwarven gold?” Plan B is out.

Time for Plan C...whatever that may be.

“This isn't the men's room.” lmao Dean.

Mjolnir.

Our bank teller...and Sam’s disturbance at that.

Plan C is freaking gone.

Plan D.

The bid off between Samandriel and Crowley is hilarious.

Kevin’s up for bidding alongside the tablet.

“No, stop! I'll give you whatever you want. I have a 401(K), my house.”

“Good effort, Ms. Tran, but I'm afraid this is a little out of your price range.”

Sacrifice > quantity.

“This little lady's soul is the most valuable thing she has. It's everything. Are you willing to offer everything, Mr. Crowley?”

Shut up, lmao.

Mrs. Tran wins the bid...and loses her soul.

“Losing my soul – is it going to hurt?”

“Probably.”

“Will I die?”

“No. You'll just wish you were dead.”

That’s coming from the person who had first-hand experience at being soulless.

“Dean, this sucks.”

“Are you kidding me? We're about to close the gates of Hell forever. If you ask me, we got off cheap.”

But it still sucks.

Samandriel offers to take and protect Kevin.

“Oh, no, no. The last time that angels tried to help my son, I watched them die, and Kevin went missing for a year.”

They kept up the continuity there.

I wonder how Mr. Vili was worthy of Mjolnir.

“What are you gonna do with her soul?”

“Whatever I want. I might sell it, or maybe I'll just tuck it away with my other precious objects, let them keep me warm at night.”

Eww, skeevy much?

Crowley, goddamn you.

“And all it cost me was an island in the South Pacific. I love a bargain.” Beau was cheap.

RIP Plutus. Killed by Crowley.

RIP other guy. Killed by Crowley.

Sam is worthy!

RIP Beau. killed by Sam.

“Where'd you get the 5/8 of a virgin?”

RIP Mr. Vili Killed by Sam.

Sam should’ve kept that the Hammer.

Damn it, Dean. You should’ve just exorcised him.

“I know we're not mates, Kevin, but one word of advice – run. Run far and run fast. 'Cause the Winchesters – well, they have a habit of using people up and watching them die bloody.” Big yikes. That’s gonna stick with Kevin and Dean for a good while.

:( Mrs. Tran was catatonic after that.

“It was Crowley, Sam. No matter what meat suit he's in, I should have knifed him. I mean, yeah, it would have sucked, and I would have hated myself, but what's one more nightmare, right?” oof.

Kevin and Mrs. Tran are gone.

GODDAMN IT.

#supernatural #spn summer rewatch #spn liveblog #spn 8x02 #what's up tiger mommy?

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sometimesfrancis · 6 years ago

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30 days of DID system asks: Day One

Describe your system.

My system is medium-sized. The core group is a group of six, three married couples. Nora to Francis, Gilda to Harvey, and Grace to Richard. Then there’s the whole internal family system, bearing in mind that all three couples have acted in a parenting (or sibling, in the case of Duella and Nora and Francis, because Duella is older) role to all the children in the internal family system, there are also littles of Nora and Francis, called Boom and Little Francis. Lord Ryan is their son, he’s ten. Gilda and Harvey have Duella, I’m not sure how old she is. but I do know she’s like a sister to me. Then Grace and Richard have Francis as an adopted son. Francis is 25 this fall. I’m not sure how old Grace and Gilda are, you know what they say about a lady and her age. Richard is eighteen-- I know it’s weird that Francis is Richard’s son even though Francis is older than Richard. To explain this, Richard imaginably fought in world war two, but for some reason he stayed eighteen. Harvey is the second oldest, at 125, and Hanora is 319. Harvey, as a changeling man, has some vampiric abilities, but using them costs him his life experience, and Hanora is part gnome. Among other racial qualities, she has very sensitive pointy ears, and songs can get stuck in her head for days at a time. When I keep hearing the tune (that is to me a schizophrenic hallucination,) we say that they’re hearing it “In the gnome caverns”. Luckily for me, this means that Hanora has her own body in a place she personally believes in, so she never argues with me about haircuts/hormones or clothes. She just dresses up her gnome doll however she wants to, and in return I’m not allowed to say that the gnome caverns are part of a “headspace.” They are a fairy tale, and personally Hanora believes in them.

While I don’t have many great historical memories from three-hundred years ago, Hanora has friends who have come to help me for no reason other than my being Hanora’s son, like Thomas Blue, who taught me everything he knew about becoming a lawyer, which permitted me to put the Joker on trial when he came to my apartment asking for help. Hanora has been married several times, first to Victor Fries, a long long time ago, when I was in high-school, then, when I was in college, she married an introject of my high school friend and crush Charlie O’Connel (I hope he sees this.) I turned 23. Harvey had been out of his coma for a year and five months. We met a man at Alchoholics Anonymous who invited us out for non-alchoholic beers and pool and pinball at a local bar. His name was Henry. One night, walking home from the beach, I introduce myself to him as the name “Harv,” and tell him I’m a multiple personality. He takes it all pretty well. We talk about getting married. I’ve used my vampiric abilitties since then so I don’t have the same timeline I had when I was dating Henry, but I wanted us to be gay lovers.

Back to my mother Hanora’s love life: She broke up with Henry when his schizophrenia got out of control. I was put away in a nursing home, where there was an implied familial relationship between Harvey, Duella, Francis, Richard, and Nora. Nora got married to Richard when we thought he was on his deathbed and she didn’t want him to die alone, then to a factive of Michael Fassbender (a marriage which lasted only one night before we had to admit Michael to the asylum,) then to a factive of Nick D’Agnostico from Gotham, who has his own alternate personality of Harvey. She was married to a factive of Aaron Ekhardt for one night, who similarly has a Harvey introject. Lucky for me my introject of Charlie is still in my life, and he’s always very respectful. Sometimes they roleplay a game-of-thrones era fantasy where Nora is a shy noble lady and Charlie is her knight. Her last marriage was to a factive of Brandon Flowers, who is also part gnome, but he looks like Owen from Torchwood for some reason. Sorry, the last man is a gnomish man, I know that for sure, and I don’t always understand gnome customs. Suffice to say, she calls him Brandon, but he looks like Owen. Finally, she’s been escorted home several times by John Barrowman (another factive obviously) who honors his role as army captain from the doctor who universe. And my mother’s introject is dating Nathan Filion, making him a father-in-law type figure. His factive helped set her up with Nick D’Agnostico.

Speaking of the Doctor Who universe, I once wrote a very immersive episode of doctor who fanfiction called “Adam and Fate,” and in it the eleventh Doctor gets admitted to the psyche ward I was in at the time, well he formed an introject, surprise surprise, and although he was dressed like the eleventh doctor he wanted me to call him Matt Smith. To help pass the hours I would daydream silents behind every door, and this was the same hospital stay where my Robert Downey Jr. Factive went out for a game of cards, he’s in love with Aaron, who was very akward with me at the time, because I once said “Joker’s Daughter!” and punched him in the balls.

This was around the time a very malevolent introject of my oldest brother appeared and tried to take Francis into his headspace permanently, I remember Francis throwing water over himself, one of his defence mechanisms, and I remember Aaron: He asked for an apology for my holding a hot zippo lighter to my face to feel the burning so we put some lotion on. Aaron and Robert are in love, and he’s on again off again with Maggie Gyllinhall , who acts like a big sister to me. At the time he was still convinced that I was brain-dead from my death at the end of the Dark Knight era in my life, which is actually from when I was eight years old and fell down a flight of stairs, but I recreated my trauma in a shared dream-space and it translated to getting thrown off a building. I was actually put to work in a daydream factory, and my subconcious submitted certain scenes to the Dark Knight. I don’t want to believe that completely but here’s another perspective I will ask for my father-in-law Victor to help me rather than Francis:

According to Victor I have a trauma that could be categorized, a blow to the back of the head, and I didn’t make the dark knight but I came from it because there’s an applicable cause of death involved.

Thank you Victor. Let’s get on with describing the system. In my job at the daydream factory that’s where I first met The Scars of the Architect, who takes on the appearance of the Joker from the Dark Knight. They plugged me in to a modern machine: A PC, and architectural drawings appeared on the screen. This is part of how the Joker got his scars. Then there’s another Joker, his full name is Jackson P. Fitzgerald and he looks like a Joker-colored version of Michael Jackson. The Joker isn’t the only black villain in my system, there’s also Dr. Ivy Green AKA Poison Ivy who looks like a young Whoopie Goldberg, but I never claim to be trans racial or anything like that the alters know that they are only an influence on me and I’m glad they help me include races other than white bread in my stories. But there is a lot of white bread coming right up:

THE ASYLUM

In my headspace I live in a version of Arkham Asylum that has gone through a period of mental health reform. My first alter from the asylum was Dr. Jonathan Crane Sr, and I saw him experimenting on his children out in the backwater countryside south of Gotham. This all happens in Gotham City Indiana, by the way, which is on the map where Gary, Indianapolis, and Michigan City are so they’re north of some swamplands which turn into farmlands and south of the lake the city is very much a part of my system and my first introduction to it was Johnathan Crane’s old shack out in the country where(TW BONDAGE) he strapped his kids down to a chair in the garage and injected them with fear toxin and made them watch horrific videos, these are the Benson siblings, Elizabeth, Crowley, and Johnathan Jr. They all have wide white eyes except for Jr, whose eyes are very soulful and dark, and they all have SI scars again except for Jr. who is the black sheep Crowley has cuts on his arms from a carpenter knife and he chews fear weed while Elizabeth smokes it in her cigarettes and she has burns on her hands.

I follow the action one night, old lady Benson is worried about Crowley always cutting his arms so she takes him to the asylum in their rusty pick-up truck, well he spooks in the parking lot he grabs a shotgun from the back of the truck and escapes into the woods. Where the ambulance driver says “Don’t worry, Batman will catch him.”

BATMAN

Yes, I have an alter of Batman in my system. He started as a foil for me to fist-fight in a bar he sliced up my face pretty good I wake up with blood on the pillow. I go through plots trying to bring Batman the psychiatric help he needs, enacting a similar plot on my best friend Bruce Wayne, who is like Batman by day, similarly rageful, similar sizes and face shapes too but Batman is obviously funded by the military and Bruce isn’t smart enough to sneak out every night dressed in black leather without getting caught by his butler, but these are my two friends Batman and Bruce. I’ll talk about Batman first, I get a gang together one of these days I put some plastic explosives in an elevator shaft and I threaten to take the building down if Batman doesn’t go in for treatment and Jim Gordon intercedes saying we both need help well that bastard Batman jumps off the roof and vanishes into the night, but I go down the driveway to Arkham Asylum in Jim Gordon’s car he drops me off at the gate he says it’s up to me so I throw my coin into the woods and I’m walking one way or the other when an ambulance stops me and the driver manhandles me I punch him until he stops moving the Joker climbs out of the back and says “So you pulled off your first plot. What do you want the newspapers to call you?” And the scarred side of my face smiles and says “Two-Face.” I’m thinking Acid-Face or Coin-Voice but this is what the scarred side of my face says to the Joker and the Joker says “Two-Face it is!” and he climbs in the driver’s seat and he crashes the ambulance into the gates with the driver unconscious behind the wheel and meanwhile in the back I find my friend Bruce and he says “CALL ME BATMAN” so great Bruce Wayne thinks he’s Batman that’ll be the day.

RICHARD

I’m in the asylum when I realize I have a brother, adopted by the same old lady, Gertrude Dent. His name is Richard and he’s vegetative from the lobotomies. This is when the story really starts to cook. We get kidnapped from our cells one night by Harleen Qunzell posing as a nurse she takes us away to the parklands surrounding the asylum and says we’re in Poison Ivy’s Garden now. I’m Harvey AKA Lillian Valley, my brother’s are Francis aka Hawthorne, Creeping Charlie AKA Morning Glory, Poison Oak, and Patrick Isley we’re all a tribe out there in the park I rarely get into trouble but I get into trouble rarely I’m given a motel room to sleep in after a certain therapeutic period among the plants. Arkham Outpatient Treatment: Lodgings Included.

This next memory is from Francis, we do share some memories. I overheard a lady bullying her teddy bear in the bed next to mine back when I was in the nursing home and someone woke up he said “I’ll steal that bear!” and Francis said “Calm Down, Harv.” He’s easy to recognize with the scars from stress on his face and then a Harvey woke up and said “What did he say just now?” And Francis says wow youre keeping him on a pretty tight leash well it wasn’t long after that he woke up in one of poison ivy’s green-houses and she said something like “What are you doing coming back to life?” And he turned out to be called Richard. Richard Richardson is the name he wrote on the ARkham Asylum intake forms.

HARLEEN

So Harleen comes into my room and asks if I’d like to be part of an experiment like I said kidnapped so they put a mitten on my burned hand and moss in my head to regrow the brain matter that got damaged in my massive back of the head concussion and the subsequent ECT that happened only in Gotham City which is like we all know imaginary but so was the moss and I’m a better man for it and as I came round to reality I realized I had a roommate they had put me with this other man Dent-- Richard Dent, criminal turned whore, WWII veteran and semi-immortal like me, I don’t know the details of his age but he’s one of Jupiter's sons and for all the time he’s spent in prison he’s only eighteen years old to this day. Sorry twenty-two he aged up a bit earlier this year when he took his wife Grace home their anniversary is July 25th I’d better remember that

So Poison Ivy really cleaned up the asylum with Harleen working under her and Johnathan Crane doing anything to get his license restored they made a pretty ship shape asylum the doors are unlocked the walls are white and the uniforms are grey. I remember Harleen’s first experiment with me she said there was a fifty-fifty chance I would revert back to my old personality and she gave me my coin back and I threw it in a lake. This is a recurring theme with me the coin represents my reliance on the god Janus to make decisions and with every major step toward rehabilitation I have to leave the coin behind so I started over in jail with Jonathan Crane observing me I told him I was a changeling and if I didn’t get twice as much food then my twin brother would starve so he gave me double portions and I’ve always been indebted to the man.

#harvey dent #batman #actuallydid #actuallymultiple #actuallyschizophrenic #actually did #actuallydissociative #actually multiple #did #plural #actuallyplural #plurality

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mickeyanders-blog · 7 years ago

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DANCIN IN THE STREET | MIMES

WHO: Mickey Anderson & James St. James WHAT: Mickey and James go to Scandals. WHERE: Scandals & Anderson Home. WHEN: Sunday May 14th. (Completed) WARNINGS: None!

Mickey-Last Sunday at 10:22 PM

Mickey had to admit they were more than a little surprised to see that James was going to come to Scandals. Usually people tried to avoid the place like the plague but Michael enjoyed staying with the other misfits. It seemed as though James was having a shitty night as well, and they were hoping somehow they would cheer each other up. They only had about two sips of their margarita when they spotted the boy with the bright blue hair. "Hey!" Mickey sang with a big grin, quickly pulling him in before the security at the door could really question him about his age. "Wow, you must really be feeling shit if you came all the way here." they joked with a big smile as they pushed their long curls back from their face. "C'mon let's get you something to drink we've got thirty minutes to get trashed before karaoke."

James-Last Sunday at 10:46 PM

James walked in, not wearing his usual smile but a melancholy frown instead. "I do feel shitty, but that's neither here or there. I'm here to forget about that." He didn't have a fake ID or anything, but somehow got in. Maybe the shadows of his curls made him look older. Or perhaps it was his expression. Did they even try to card him? "Yeah, what's good?"

Mickey-Last Sunday at 10:52 PM

Mickey, always being the overly touchy type took his hand in theirs and lead him to the bar, squeezing at his hand. "Mm, I have a strawberry frozen margarita. Which is nice because I am...smol and I can't drink a lot." they said honestly, finally letting go of him as they climbed onto the seat with a hum. "I didn't realize how tall you were. Everyone makes me feel like a shrimp though. My only solace is that I'm taller than Daniel Radcliffe." they shrugged, taking another sip of their drink, mostly so they would shut up for once.

James-Last Sunday at 10:57 PM

"I don't mind small guys. As far as I know, my family has always been full of tall people. My mom's six feet tall, so." He shrugged and ordered a strawberry margarita, figuring that it may be better for him. "Daniel Radcliffe is cute, so there's that." He grabbed his drink as soon as it was slid to him. They really didn't card here, did they? Taking a sip, he was taken aback by the taste of alcohol before the sweetness of the strawberry mixture took over. He downed it quickly.

Mickey-Last Sunday at 11:01 PM

"Well I'm glad you don't mind me." Mickey teased with a waggle of their eyebrows. "That's really cool though. Everyone in my family is pretty short. My oldest brother is the tallest but even he's not that big. I'm the tiniest though, I think it's because I drink a lot of caffeine and I've smoked the occassional cigarette." they explained with a shrug as they drank their own, almost snorting at how he chugged it. "Liked it, huh?" they asked with a cheesy smile before ordering another for each of them. "I got this by the way." they smiled. "So do you wanna talk about anything or just purposefully ignore it all because I am up for either."

James-Last Sunday at 11:14 PM

"Maybe. Genetics are a bit weird. Yeah, I don't mind you. It's hard to find a guy much taller unless we're going for someone really tall." He chuckled, watching as they ordered another drink. He was going to need it to forget the week and now the weekend. "I generally take good care of myself, usually. Today is an exception. Yeah, I like it." His eyes meet Mickey's for a moment before he shook his head. "Too much drama. I'd rather have a night to forget."

Mickey-Last Sunday at 11:21 PM

Mickey hummed as James said he didn't want to talk about it. They watched James' blue eyes for a long moment, reaching out to gently push back some of his hair. "Agreed. A night to forget sounds amazing, right?" they asked before pulling away. "God sorry? I'm so touchy. Big Italian family that's sort of all we do." they smiled as they swirled their drink some. "Anyway, I think....we should sing dancing in the streets. We've got Jagger, we've got Bowie. I could find trench coats if you want." they teased.

James-Last Sunday at 11:26 PM

"It does. I just want to let go just one time." He chuckled before downing the other drink just as quickly, noticing how the other sipped. "Don't worry about being touchy. I'm usually pretty affectionate once I get to know someone." James rested his elbow against the bar as he watched carefully. He perked up at the mention of Dancing In The Streets. "Let's do it. Let's break out those 80s dad moves."(edited)

Mickey-Last Sunday at 11:38 PM

Mickey nodded at him. "Just once." they agreed with a soft smile, as they moved to sit criss cross on the stool though it was actually quite uncomfortable. "Well hopefully we'll get to know one another, then. I mean I'm really looking forward to becoming your dog's best friend." Michael chuckled, offering a big smile. They swore they could see his whole face light up. "Fuck yeah. I'm glad you said yes because I already signed us up." they giggled excitedly. "I think we have ten minutes left though." they chuckled taking a minute to finish their drink.

James-Last Sunday at 11:43 PM

James watched yet again and opted for water once the bartender came back around. He didn't want to ruin his vocal chords for karaoke. Of course, he wasn't sure how everything worked with alcohol. This was his first time drinking, let alone being at the club. "Luna is everyone's best friend. She'll love you, I promise." He smiled at just seeing their smile. It was a cute smile, and now his mind was wandering. "Oh, good. I'm glad I wasn't drafted or anything." He teased, sipping at the water.

Mickey-Last Sunday at 11:55 PM

Mickey chuckled at him, nodding quickly. "Aw, I love it. I hope Nico likes you too. She's really nice but you know. She's a lady, and sometimes she's iffy about guys." they laughed and shrugged. "Your smile is cute." they complimented next, the alcohol causing them to feel a little more than flustered. With most people they'd be more blunt, or be focusing on trying to get into his pants, but this was different. They both needed comfort and companionship, and that's what they were focusing on. "Oh my God, shut up." they joked with a laugh before finally they got up, their curls bouncing all over as they did so. "Alright giant, you have to help me push through the bears to get to the stage." they winked.

James-Last Sunday at 11:59 PM

"If it helps, I wasn't born a guy." James blurted out a bit earlier than he normally would have, and hoped Mickey was too distracted by the surroundings to even catch it. "Thanks, so is yours." He bit the inside of his bottom lip. He knew this was a side effect of the alcohol. James was a lot more guarded than this usually. His face was read from the compliment and watching as they got up and winked. "That, I can do." He got up with a smile and put his arm around his new friend's shoulders.May 14, 2018

Mickey-Yesterday at 12:03 AM

"Oh shit really?" Mickey asked with a big smile. They reached out to poke at his cheek. "You pass amazingly. Really you do. Jesus, I wish I knew there was someone else trans at the school before." they chuckled before grinning again. "Don't be flirting now." they hummed, teasing him as they got up from the seats. They happily followed besides him as they made their way up to the stage. Mickey happily greeted the DJ with a kiss on the cheeks. "I come and sing all the time even though I'm tone deaf." they chirped to James with a big smile, hanging over one of the shitty microphones to him. "Sorry in advance for your ears." they teased with their tongue out.

James-Yesterday at 12:07 AM

"I went to Carmel up until this year, so it's probably that.. and the fact that you never come to school. I kind of helps that I kind of looked like Jesse a little beforehand, probably. Also, I've been on T since the ripe old age of thirteen." He explained as they made their way to the stage and took the microphone. "I don't exactly care that you're tone deaf. Honestly, that's refreshing. I spend my days around people who can sing." He teased back.

Mickey-Yesterday at 12:11 AM

"Ah yeah that does actually make sense." Mickey laughed again. They couldn't help they were a giddy drunk. "Thirteen? Wow, your mom must be really supportive, that's awesome. I've...I've definitely thought about estrogen but man I dunno. I'm not a girl, but I'm not a boy it's just tough." they chuckled. "You do look like Jesse though. Cuter though. For sure." they reminded him, patting gently at his forearm. "Well, I'm gonna make you feel really good tonight then, St. James." they said with a waggle of their brows before they nodded for the music to start, smiling hugely back to James as it began.

James-Yesterday at 12:21 AM

"Mom was really supportive. She still is. So is Jesse. He's been my biggest supporter with the transition, I must say. Twins know best. There's nothing wrong with estrogen if you want it, but it's a bitch. I know from experience." he laughed and shrugged. "Why do you think I'm cuter? Is it the blue hair? The fact that I'm gay? Go ahead, make me feel good. It'll be nice to know I won't be pitchy." Another laugh as he waited through the into and the song began.

Mickey-Yesterday at 12:27 AM

"Aw that's super awesome. B has always been pretty supportive parents not so much, but I'm strong." They shrugged with a big smile. "Yeah? Yeah. I'm sure it really is." they laughed in returned. "Mm, I dunno. You volunteer at the SPCA, your hair is very nice, and you just seem....softer in your mannerisms and personality." they explained. "Plus we talked about Rammstein." they added, bumping their hip against his. Now, Mickey may not have been a performer besides cheerleading, but they took karaoke very seriously. And though they weren't the best at staying on pitch, Mickey was happy enough to be on beat as they began.

James-Yesterday at 12:46 AM

He listened closely, nodding every now and again to let Mickey knew he was listening. It felt nice to be complimented and be called cute, even if he doubted that he would ever be cute in his own mind. James had never done karaoke before, but he knew from watching that he would need to watch the screen and stay on beat, which was something he easily did throughout the song while trying to do his best Bowie moves from the video.

Mickey-Yesterday at 12:49 AM

Mickey only faltered to sing their part as they noticed James' dancing. They happily joined in, dancing as stupidly as possible. Until finally the song ended. Two out of the three patrons clapped and for Mickey that was enough. They smirked and handed over the microphone. "You're really good." they sang, leaning onto their toes just so that he could hear them over the club's music that started again. "Wanna show me some more of those moves?" they asked, meeting his blue eyes again as they stayed leaning up close. They even debated trying to kiss him for a moment but thankfully talked themself out of it.

James-Yesterday at 1:00 AM

The applause wasn't what James was usually used to, but he then reminded himself that he wasn't performing with Vocal Adrenaline, or even New Directions for that matter. He was in a nightclub on a Sunday night. He admired Mickey's enthusiasm as he followed suite and handed over his own microphone. "Am I?" James laughed. "Why not? I'm sure you're dying to see more of my sick 80s dad dance moves."(edited)

Mickey-Yesterday at 1:06 AM

"You are really good! Stop questioning my compliments you buttface." Mickey snorted, sticking their tongue out at him again as they climbed back off of the stage, already debating singing again. "Fuck yeah I am! You still have to see mine." they giggled again. Feeling playful they began dancing. While they could actually dance, they instead decided to break out some of their painfully bad moves, enjoying just playing around and having fun with James for the moment.

James-Yesterday at 1:10 AM

"I'll question all compliments until they are proven." James teased as he started to dance with the Anderson twin. "Not bad. We really are Bowie and Jagger with out sick 80s dad moves." He joked, giggling loudly. James could dance as well. After all, he had to have some sort of talent given his background; but he chose to pull out some equally bad dance moves on his own. All he wanted to do was have fun tonight. He seemed to be accomplishing his goal.(edited)

Mickey-Yesterday at 1:20 AM

Mickey swore they could feel everything slow down as the pair took their turns showing off the worst moves they could, but as the music slowed a little they laughed and instead moved in closer, not even leaving a second for the awkwardness to come over them. "sorry this is just happening now." they shrugged, smirking as they drunkenly tossed their arms around his neck. "i'll never understand why gay bars decide to play soft songs." they smiled as they danced against him. "Guess this is better than me trying to grind on you though, right?" they asked, hoping he'd wrap his arms around them too. "So....what's your favorite movie?"

James-Yesterday at 1:31 AM

"No worries. It's just a slow song. It always happens. Probably to give the party boys a bit of a break, or allow the couples an intimate moment or something. I'll never understand social cues. Well, I've.. never been grinded on, so I don't know what would be better or worse. But I like this." He chuckled and gently wrapped his arms around their waist. This was the way to do a slow dance, right? At the question, there was no hesitation. James gave Mickey a big smile. "The Man Who Fell To Earth and Labyrinth. I can't decide which one I like more."

Mickey-Yesterday at 1:34 AM

"Well since we are King and Queen I guess it's alright." Mickey joked with a big smile, as they easily moved with him. They had a few slow dances but they had to admit this was the least awkward of them all. Sure that wasn't saying a lot but they were more than comfortable spinning some with him. "I like this too. We'll see if you like grinding after." they chuckled. They found themself instinctually snuggling up some when the arms wrapped around their waist. "Oh, I loved Bowie's hair in Man Who Fell. Never seen it but I remember the orange." they chuckled, tilting their head up to watch him. "I've never seen Labyrinth either. Sad, I know. I was always freaked out by puppets when I was younger though."(edited)

James-Yesterday at 1:43 AM

"We're also Heroes. Just for one day." James returned the smile and continued to sway. He couldn't help to laugh at the second mention of grinding and slid one of his hands up to their back while feeling himself being snuggled up to. One arm stayed around their waist. He wanted Mickey to feel safe. That was his instinct. "I had my hair that color once. I've been debating going back to it for a while, but I like the blue." He shrugged. "We can get out of here and watch one of them if you want. Though, admittedly, Labyrinth is easier to find online. I'm not really wanting to go home and get my copy of it."

Mickey-Yesterday at 1:48 AM

Mickey found themself humming as James' hand moved up their back. It was a far cry from being felt up on the dancefloor, but Michael definitely liked it a lot more. "I like the blue too. But I think you could pull off just about anything." they shrugged. "I had blonde hair for a while, which was pretty cool, but I guess I didn't like looking so different from Blaine." they laughed. At the offer of getting out of their they raised a brow before quickly nodding. "Uh, yeah. Yes. Yeah I'd totally love that." they agreed with a nod, thanking god the lights of the bar were covering how much the question made them blush. "But don't make fun of me if anything freaks me out." they chuckled, gently letting their arms fall from his neck, being sure to rub down his arms on the way. "We can go to mine." they hummed. Though they never ever really went home themself, they figured it'd be easy enough to sneak into the basement for the movie room.

James-Yesterday at 10:53 AM

"I've pulled off at least four colors this year. Blue is my favorite so far because how it fades. Some of the blue dyes fade and look pretty cool." He chuckled and nodded. "I was like that for a while. I just had to look identical to Jesse, no matter what. Then, I reinvented myself, and dyed my hair. I can always go back to brown at any time, and I'll always have a similar face." James explained as he gently took their hands after feeling them run down his arms. "Okay, good. I know my brother told me he had plans and not to come home."

Mickey-Yesterday at 12:39 PM

"I really like the blue on you too. You're seriously giving me some inspo. I bet I could pull off hot pink. That'd be cool." they laughed, the big smile still present on their face. Feeling drunk they happily they leaned into him, squeezing at his hands once he took them. "Yeah, that's true. I dunno. B and I are weird. I mean last year was probably the first time I spent time away from him." they started before shaking their head. "Sorry. Weird twin stuff, you get it." they smiled, changing the subject as they finally pulled away to lead him towards the door, keeping right by his side. "Yeah you can even sleep over if you want. Not to be weird or anything, just because it's already one AM." they shrugged. "And I mean, I can't judge you for anything as long you don't judge me for my moomoo because I for sure wear a moomoo to bed." they waggled their brows again.

James-Yesterday at 1:01 PM

"I think you could pull off hot pink. You should honestly try it some time, even if it's just a few streaks here and there. I hear you loud and clear on that weird twin stuff. Jesse and I are in each other's heads more than we like to admit." He followed closely so he didn't get lost in the club. "Okay. That's awesome. I don't think anyone would appreciate me showing up at one in the morning banging on the door because I forgot my key." He motioned toward his vespa with a grin. "Just let me know where you live, okay? I am horrible with directions."

Mickey-Yesterday at 1:14 PM

"I probably could. I'll show you pictures of the blonde later. Maybe I'll do it. You could convince me." They laughed and nodded quickly. "Right? It's fucking weird. We fought today so it was great. I guess I needed the good time too." they shrugged, smiling up at him. " But we're gonna go watch Labryinth and not think about how weird today was and it's gonna be great." they winked before stopping short as they saw the vespa. "Oh God you were serious." they giggled, bumping their forehead against his arm. "Should you be drinking and driving your scooter, St. James?" they asked, smiling cheekily up at him. "Alright let's go, we're on Pine St."

James-Yesterday at 2:29 PM

"I have to see photos of the blonde or it didn't happen. Yeah, let's not think about the blgeneral weirdness of today. Or even this entire week." He looked over at Mickey. "Oh come on, Anderson. You didn't think I was going to bring Jesse's car to this place, did you? Yeah, I'm fine to drive it. Promise." James winked and got on the scooter, handing the helmet to them.

Mickey-Yesterday at 2:33 PM

Mickey had to giggle as they watched him get on the vespa. "If I die....this is gonna be hilarious." they smirked as they carefully climbed onto the back, glad their shorts didn't ride up too much as they climbed on behind him, and pulled on the helmet, letting out a laugh again. "Alright, let's get going." they smirked, as they wrapped their arms tightly around his middle, holding on tight as he started it up. \

James-Yesterday at 3:31 PM

"If we're about to die, I'm going to shout about this being Jackass, and you can't stop me." James grinned as he felt Mickey's arms tightly around him. He took off as soon as he was told to get going. The drive wasn't too long, and soon they we at the Anderson house, where he parked and shut off the scooter. He took his helmet off and looked over his shoulder at Mickey. "Is this the right place?"

Mickey-Yesterday at 4:28 PM

"I will accept that. But I'm Johnny Knoxville." Mickey chuckled as they held on. Honestly they were pretty surprised at how fast it went. Considering Mickey usually walked to Scandals, it went by pretty quick before they were peeling off their helmet as well. "Yeah, this is it." they smiled to him. "I think riding home from Scandals with you on this vespa was possibly the gayest thing I've done in my life. I'm glad you were part of it." they teased him as they carefully climbed off, stumbling only a little bit. "Oh thank God no parents are home." they cheered as they climbed up the stairs to the front porch, getting out their keys. "Uh we have wine coolers, or capri suns, and I could grab cookies." they rambled, trying to whisper as they finally pushed their way into the house.

James-Yesterday at 5:32 PM

"Of course it's the gayest thing you've ever done. We're the king and queen." He laughed and carefully climbed off of the scooter. "That's good, at least I think." Another chuckle as he grabbed his bag and followed them to the front porch. "Okay, I don't even know what wine coolers are, but cookies sound great." James kept his voice to a whisper as he followed. "Just point me in the direction of the basement, and I will get set up."

Mickey-Yesterday at 5:39 PM

Mickey chuckled and moved to the door of the basement, opening it for James, and turning on the lights for him. “I’m actually gonna get changed too, do you need me to bring you pajamas? Uh... I’m sure I have something that’ll fit you, I promise.” they asked as they gently leaned against the door. “And then I’ll grab the rest of the stuff and... yeah i’ll be right down.” they offered, unable to stop how flustered and flushed they felt as they watched him.

James-Yesterday at 5:43 PM

"I'm probably going to need pajamas, thanks." James smiled at him and headed down into the basement, thanking his sober self for bringing his external hard drive so that he didn't have to try and fumble with finding the movie on the internet. "Okay. I'll be right here getting the movie ready." He had already plugged the hard drive in and was working with the television. "I'll warn you, though. I have a tendency to sing through this movie."

Mickey-Yesterday at 5:48 PM

Mickey laughed and shook their head at him as they headed upstairs. They spent a little too long deciding what pajamas to wear, before deciding on an oversized shirt, and some booty shorts, before they next moved to raid coopers room for pajamas. Finally they grabbed the six pack of wine coolers and as much food as they could fit in their hands before making their way down the stairs, the v-neck already hanging off their shoulder. “I am very excited to see you sing through this.” they slurred some as they carefully set everything down, and held out the PJs. “Oh so, there’s a bathroom over there, but you know, I’d be happy to watch you strip as well, your choice.” they shrugged with a grin as they flopped back on the comfy couch already opening another drink.

James-Yesterday at 6:03 PM

"Are you now? I think the alcohol messed with my voice, but I'll try my best." James smiled as he picked up his pajamas. "Not yet. I'm a little self conscious. No one has ever seen me change." He laughed as he made his way to the bathroom. It wasn't long until he came back out and put the clothes he wore to the club back into his bag. He made his way over to the couch and sat, giving Mickey a smile and pushing play.

Mickey-Yesterday at 6:11 PM

"Pft, you're fine. Maybe a lil scratchy, but who isn't?" Mickey teased with a big smile, as they sipped the drink, nodding as he responded. "I was just teasing you. Take your time get comfy I will be right here waiting." they chirped with a big smile. They understood, really they did. As confident a person as Mickey was, they really could only change in front of someone they'd slept with or girls. To them there was something more intimate in changing than most of the sex they'd had. They smiled back as he came out, distracting them from their thoughts. "I'm glad they fit, I think you're even taller than my older brother." they chuckled, moving to rest their cheek on his shoulder as the movie started.

James-Yesterday at 6:48 PM

"I love your short family, though. You and Blaine are the cutest." He teased and reached for one of the drinks and a cookie. Were these cookies vegan? Honestly, James was so hungry and drunk that he didn't really care. He opened up the wine cooler and shifted in his seat, trying to make sure he was comfortable in his binder. A grin appeared on his face while they lay his head on his shoulder and softly started to sing along with the opening song.

Mickey-Yesterday at 7:17 PM

"Excuse me, I am the cutest." Mickey teased as they watched him for a moment, while they curled up. They had to admit the puppets were still pretty terrifying. "Wow Bowie looks good. His dick must be huge." They giggled drunkenly. Soon the one wine cooler turned into three and they were all cuddled up to him. They did their best not to talk through the whole thing. Which turned out to be pretty easy since they ended up focusing a lot more on James than the movie. "This is really good." they whispered as the ball scene began, their fingers reaching up again to stroke at his cheek gently.

James-Yesterday at 9:14 PM

James laughed and nodded. "According to a biography I read, he actually was pretty sizable." His wine coolers turned from one to three as well, and he found himself with his arms completely around them. He looked down with a soft grin when he was told the movie was good. "I'm glad you like it. I was worried for a moment."

Mickey-Yesterday at 9:17 PM

"No, no need to be worried." They giggled, glancing back to the screen quickly. "Who couldn't like Bowie?" they asked, looking back to him. A softer smile came over their lips as the music started, their eyes locking with his for a moment. Feeling a sudden burst of confidence, or perhaps the whisper of Bowies past to just do it, they let their eyes fall shut and leaned in to kiss his lips. Their hand stayed splayed over James' cheek, mostly to hold him close as they dragged out the initial peck.

James-Yesterday at 10:05 PM

"I don't think I could be with anyone who didn't at least respect Bowie." James smiled and watched him. His eyes closed when he was kissed. Part of him wanted to pull away and go home, but mostly, he wanted to stay. He put his hand over theirs and gently kissed them in return.(edited)

Mickey-Yesterday at 10:15 PM

Mickey hummed softly when they felt James returning the kiss. They playfully sucked at his lower lip before puling back and bumping their nose against his. “I’m sorry, was that weird? I just.... I dunno I felt like I had to.” they chuckled nervously

James-Yesterday at 11:03 PM

James breathed out a moment and shook his head. "No, that wasn't weird. That was actually pretty nice. Was it Bowie?" He asked with a playful grin.

Mickey-Yesterday at 11:08 PM

Mickey grinned when he agreed it wasn't weird. "Pretty nice? Do me a favor and add that to my yelp?" they laughed before nodding. "Yeah sorry I just...needed to make out with Bowie and you're the closest thing." they hummed again, giving him a few more quick kisses. "Sorry your lips are really nice." they murmured, pressing a kiss to his cheek next before they sat back completely, their tan cheeks a bright red. "You... you can kiss me whenever, just so you know." they chirped.

James-Yesterday at 11:52 PM

"I will once I'm sober enough to open the app." He teased. "No, it's okay. I'm honored to be the closest thing to Bowie. When I met Rachel, I was actually singing Life On Mars? in a full Bowie getup." James spoke softly, running a thumb over Mickey's cheek before leaning in and kissing them again.May 15, 2018

Mickey-Today at 12:28 AM

Mickey laughed at the thought of James all dressed up. "That's cute. Then I'd be trying to sit on your face though, so it's probably for the best you look like this." they giggled, before smiling as he took his turn leaning in. Feeling playful they parted their lips, instead giving him open mouthed kisses as they scooted a little closer to his side of the couch while the song continued in the background. If it were up to them, they'd want to spend the rest of the morning just like this.

James-Today at 12:45 AM

"Maybe it is, I guess. That would have been one hell of a first impression, though." James laughed and shook his head. He was a bit surprised when they parted their lips, but went along with it. After a bit, James decided to pull back as he was feeling himself get sleepy. With a small yawn, he wrapped both arms around them once more.

Mickey-Today at 12:56 AM

Mickey hummed when James finally pulled away but instead wrapped them up. Their head easily lulled back to his shoulder, while their hands blindly pulled a throw blanket from the back of the couch, tossing it over the pair. "Are you comfy here? If not we could find a bed." they murmured, already sounding half asleep as they grew increasingly comfortable against the other's side. "Mm, or I could leave you alone, you must wanna take off your binder." they murmured. They weren't going to bring it up, but they felt bad after accidentally touching it a few times curing the movie.

James-Today at 1:35 AM

"I'm perfectly fine here." James ran his hand along Mickey's back gently and slowly. "You don't have to leave me here unless you want to go to your bed. I'm not going to get mad if you do. I understand." He smiled, eyes starting to close just a little. "I've been in this thing longer. It's not ideal, but I can manage. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

Mickey-Today at 1:51 AM

Mickey hummed happily as they felt the hand rubbing at their back. "No, no. I'm more comfy here. You're comfy and you smell good." they mumbled already sounding half asleep. Without thinking twice about it they rested their head on his flattened chest, smiling at the sound of his heart beat. "Okay just take care of yourself." they added tiredly as they wrapped their arms around him as well. "I'm tiny so just move me however you need to to be comfy." the laughed with their eyes closed.

James-Today at 2:00 AM

"Okay. As long as you're sure." James shifted just a little so that his legs were comfortable. "I will. I promise." His voice was strained with fatigue while he brought a hand up to run his fingers through their curls.

Mickey-Today at 2:02 AM

Mickey pressed a sweet kiss to James' wrist before they finally allowed themself to fall asleep, half laying on top of James, but they were more than comfortable there with him. They happily fell asleep as Labyrinth finished quietly in the background.

#para #001 #d:james

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bentonpena · 4 years ago

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Hitoki's High-tech bong lets you smoke weed with a laser, and it's as cool as it sounds

https://bit.ly/3aqhlNE Hitoki's High-tech bong lets you smoke weed with a laser, and it's as cool as it sounds https://bit.ly/3aq4U4e

It's a freaking laser bong • Sleek design • Easy operation • Smooth hits

It's not cheap • It's top heavy and can tip over easily

The Hitoki Trident is crowd-pleaser and an extremely unique way to consume cannabis. It's fun, it hits smooth, and did i mention it's a freaking laser bong?

The information contained in this article is not a substitute for, or alternative to information from a healthcare practitioner. Please consult a healthcare professional before using any product and check your local laws before making any purchasing decisions.

As new states push to legalize cannabis use for adults there are now more ways than ever to consume marijuana, but you'll be hard-pressed to find a cooler way to light up than with the Hitoki Trident.

Simply put, the Hitoki Trident is a bong that uses a laser as its combustion process — that's right, it's a freaking laser bong. Is it a little ridiculous and over-the-top? Yes. But the Trident also delivers on its promise of providing a unique and smooth smoking experience that feels like it's from the future.

What is the Hitoki Trident laser bong?

The product is the brainchild of brothers Jack and Joe Tran. Jack told me that he dreamed up the idea of using a laser after smoking a joint and thinking about those cheap dollar store lasers toys he and his brother used to buy as kids. But this is no dollar store bong. The Trident is sleek and modern and more like a piece of art. While typical bongs from blown-glass have always been considered a work of functional art, the Hitoki Trident feels a little more mature.

That's right, it's a freaking laser bong.

The Trident arrived on my doorstep in a small reusable box, and it sort of resembled the packaging that comes with a really fancy bottle of whiskey. The corner of my box was a little smashed, but the packaging was secure enough that the Trident was undamaged. As per the instructions, I immediately plugged in the bong to the supplied USB-C charging cable and returned less than two hours later to a fully charged device.

The whole vibe from Hitoki is to create a more sophisticated smoking experience, and the company is not shy in putting that message forward. The inside of the box is inscribed with the words "Elevate yourself," "Elevate your surroundings," and "Elevate society." Along with the tools and accessories necessary to use the Trident, a grinder plate about the size of a credit card with the letter "E" etched into it was also included in the box. (Previously the device was known as the Saber, and the company called itself Elevareco before rebranding to the Hitoki Trident.)

Getting started with the laser bong

Along with the device itself, the box also includes a charger, a silicone hose with a mouthpiece, and a poker. After charging the device, set up is pretty simple, but you'll want to watch this video Hitoki has on its YouTube page that describes how you unscrew the water reservoir, as well as how and where you load your flower into the small chamber.

The Trident operates like other vapes on the market, and it only has one button on the top to operate it. Pushing the button five times turns the Trident on and off, and this is a great safety feature for keeping the device out of the wrong hands.

The power button on the top glows different colors depending on which temperature setting you want, pressing the button three times cycles between those temperatures. Blue is the hottest temperature intended for "essential oil infused blends." Green is the medium setting and is supposed to be used for "fresh herbal blends." And finally red is the lowest setting and is ideal for "dryer looser blends and for better taste," according to the instruction manual that came with the Hitoki. (You can also use the Trident as an aromatherapy device, but I did not test out that function.)

If I'm being picky here this was a little confusing for me as I typically associate the color red with the hottest temperature, but cycling through the temperatures is easy enough and there are only three so my stoner brain quickly adjusted.

You have two choices for actually firing the laser once you choose the temperature setting. Hold the power button and give the laser a moment to heat up, or tap the button twice and the laser will fire for nine seconds. If you choose to hold the power button, the laser will shut off after nine seconds as to not overheat the device.

But before you start firing lasers into your weed you need to load the device with flower and fill the lower chamber with water. This is a bong after all. The top of the Tident has a satisfying interlock that clicks when you open and close it. Considering this is a relatively high-powered laser capable of igniting things, this is a necessary and welcome feature, and the laser will not fire unless the "FDA standard interlocks" are properly closed.

On the side of the Hitoki there is a warning label that has the following message:

DANGER CLASS 4 VISIBLE LASER RADIATION WHEN OPEN AND INTERLOCK DEFEATED AVOID EYE OR SKIN EXPOSURE TO DIRECT OR SCATTERED RADIATION.

There is also another warning sticker on the device that has a red DANGER label before it. "Only use smoking material and water as defined by the manufacture. Dangerous laser reflection can occur from misuse."

Simply put: Don't fuck around with the laser.

Thankfully the Hitoki has a "laser shield" surrounding the combustion chamber and small window where you can see the laser fire, which will protect your eyes from the laser as long as the device is locked. This allows you to actually see the laser fire, which is really cool. Overall that has been has been my impression with the Trident laser bong — it's just really cool.

Loading the water

The acrylic base for the bong unscrews to allow you to add a small bit of water to the reservoir that will ultimately help cool the smoke and vapor before you inhale. It was somewhat difficult to unscrew and it made a terrible noise once I tightened it back up, but ultimately I see this as a positive because bong water is one of the grossest things on planet earth, so I can appreciate a bong that keeps the water contained.

Pressing the ignite button for the Hitoki Trident laser bong.

The instruction manual says to only use a small amount of water and fill it to "the line located near the bottom of the stem to prevent water from being sucked up into the air hose" when you take a hit. But the line is sorta hard to see, and I wish the reservoir where you fill the water had a marking on it so you don't have to guess or go back and forth to get just the right level of water. It's important to note here that the water level really is quite small, which may be confusing for bong users that typically use more water.

Loading the chamber with herbs

One you have the water loaded up you can unlock the combustion chamber and load in your fresh herbs. The ceramic loading chamber unscrews from the device, which is helpful because it is quite small. Hitoki recommends finely grinding your herbs, and to not overpack the chamber for even hits. It also suggests that you use the end of the included poker tool to pack your herbs flat for the laser to hit — but not too tight. This makes more sense once you use the bong, as the laser is, well, a laser, so the area that it combusts is relatively small.

Once the chamber is loaded you need to keep the Trident upright, which is pretty standard for a bong filled with water. Regardless, the laser shoots down from the top of the bong into the loading chambers, so if you tilt the bong too much it is possible for your cannabis to fall out and it will not be combusted.

Smoking your buds

One you figure out the Trident it's actually pretty simple to use. Just tap the button twice and the laser kicks on just a moment later. Other combustion methods like vaping via a heated chamber can be annoying because they take time to heat up, and a huge bonus from using a laser is that it is immediate. No more awkwardly waiting, the Trident immediately lets you pull smoke from the combustion chamber, into the water reservoir, and through the supplied hose.

And speaking of the hose, I absolutely hated it. It's long and awkward, which may be OK for passing it between friends, but ultimately it just got in the way. I found that the hose sometimes pinched where it connected to the bong if held at the wrong angle, creating a kink in the hose which restricted airflow. On more than one occasion the length of the hose caused me to nearly knock over the device.

Hitoki does offer an alternative to the hose on its site in the form of an adjustable silicone mouthpiece for $29.99, but I personally wish it shipped standard with the bong instead of the hose. But while I hated the hose, the seal was tight which I really liked. If you're going to spend nearly $500 on a bong, spring for the additional mouthpiece.

However, Hitoki is currently running a promotion, and the adjustable mouthpiece will ship standard with the device for the rest of April.

The Hitoki Trident with the adjustable silicone mouthpiece.

The thing about smoking with a laser is how focused it is on the herb, but with a little bit of pulling it's easy to get the Trident to ignite your bud into an ember. I found it best to use the poker and move your bud around a bit to get the most out of your pack. It's easy enough to unlock it and move it around. I got an average of two to three solid hits per bowl, but that's going to depend on how hard you suck, what kind of herb you use, and for how long you're hitting.

The taste and experience

Again, I must reiterate that smoking weed with a laser beam is fucking awesome. It's just a neat experience, but what makes it better is that the hits you get are smooth, and the taste is great. Using a laser for combustion is obviously a relatively new experience for cannabis smokers, and I really can't wait to see how this sort of technology can change the industry.

While some people are used to sucking in butane fumes with their lighters, or smoking with hemp wicks, it was a nice change to get clean combustion and just taste the cannabis. Hitoki likens this this to a magnifying glass.

Smoking weed with a laser beam is fucking awesome.

"The Trident works in a fashion akin to how using sunlight and a magnifying glass is used to burn flowers with a concentrated beam of light," its website reads.

And surprisingly I found the Trident a bit easier to control the pull and hit. You can pop on the laser for just a second or two and slowly puff away once your weed is lit. Bongs can be a bit intimidating for some, and the Trident does not have a traditional carburetor that some bongs have, meaning you aren't going to get steamrolled with an unexpectedly huge hit. While it may seem intimidating, the Tran brothers said that they think the device could be used to destigmatize cannabis use.

Best of all, the battery is pretty powerful. Charging any sort of device is a bummer, but Hitoki boasts 280+ uses "on a single charge." I was unable to drain the battery in the multiple times I used the Trident. As for the charging time, an hour and 45 minutes may seem like it's a bit long, but it's not so bad considering how many uses that delivers.

How much is the Hitoki bong? Is it worth it?

Overall the Hitoki is an amazing device, but smoking with laser beams also comes at a high price. The Hitoki Trident currently is on sale for $424.99, but it's normal retail price is $499.99. If you're feeling extra fancy, there is also a 24k gold Trident for $649.99.

But as I recall the warning labels and laser disclosure on the Hitoki website, do you really want to use a cheap laser?

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Burton Michigan Cheap car insurance quotes zip 48509

"Burton Michigan Cheap car insurance quotes zip 48509

Burton Michigan Cheap car insurance quotes zip 48509

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