#but he doesnt break shit. he doesnt try to hit me or throw things at me

[kath-artic]

and you know who comes and checks on me? my dad

[sixstepsaway]

so here's the thing

i've seen a bunch of people say on twitter and stuff how... ed's behavior is very abusive and his anger is dangerous and he isn't romantic lead material because of it

and i get where they're coming from

but to me the main issue isn't putting ed in the position of a romantic lead, but not crafting the narrative around his characterization so that it allows for a spicy romantic pirates-in-love narrative instead of...whatever this is.

i'm going to try and explain this. idk if i'll do well but i'll try

the way she show presents stede is as an innocent baby who isn't really equipped for pirate life. he goes into a fugue/disassociative state whenever there's any real violence, apparently, and needs protecting by other characters when things get too rough - for example when ed is telling ned lowe not to take the poker to stede.

that's fine! it's honestly adorable to see a masc character being so soft around the edges and being protected by other characters this way.

(i'm not going to touch on stede's... eh... not great characterization this season rn)

then there's izzy, who is shown as a bit violent, a bit rough around the edges. he's more likely to draw a sword or throw a punch or hit someone with a chair or take a punch like a champ. violence is just part of life for him and that's okay, it just Is, from small things like smacking stede on the ass to bigger things like being wall slammed, it's not all that big or bad for violence to happen around and with him, he tends to give as good as he gets (there's some nuance here but i'm talking the macro themes not the micro of what izzy does vs is done to him)

and finally there's ed

ed is presented as violent (stabbing knives at guys, telling fang to use the snail fork etc) and used to a life of violence, and then in season 2 he's presented as really violent, his anger coming out in dangerous and terrifying ways

and frankly, i'd be super into it if he and izzy were the main ship and that twisted dynamic from the first two episodes of s2 was explored and fleshed out into something deeper

friends to enemies to lovers who fight and fuck. angry pirates who lay hands on each other, who break the whole ship with each other in the heat of passion.

except instead, s2 gives us... abuse. it gives us izzy cringing and lowering his head and trying to protect the kids crew from ed's angry outbursts.

so when stede comes back and he's still soft around the edges and ed headbutts him and it's deliberate, it's... not a great look, and the vibes are a bit skewed

if stede fought back, if when ed struck out at him he struck back, if they fought rather than it being one-sided, if it was friends to enemies to lovers and not presented as healthy, but maybe they can work their way there, who knows, maybe even more like anne bonnie and mary read because hey, they were doing something very similar?

except they were both into it. they were both enjoying the fighting and the fucking and the burning down the house.

stede's not enjoying it.

i cannot describe how much i hate this sequence just because of the way stede flinches

anne and mary don't!! mary jumps at the unexpected bang but she doesnt flinch, she doesn't cover her face like she thinks the vase will be coming for her not the wall and anne? looks so into it

and the thing is that in real life, no, you don't want to date someone who throws shit around, or headbutts you

but in fiction when it's two fucked up people doing this shit together like anne and mary?

that can be fun.

but instead what we've been given is stede flinching and apologizing to ed and then all of ed's...what, semi-redemption???? is done away from the other collection of people he abused, and then he spends some time on a fishing boat wearing a dog collar and everything is fine because he's good now and won't be doing anything bad ever again

and it's just... poor writing. the vibes are rancid.

i spent a really big chunk of time between s1 and s2 defending ed. i kept saying how what he did to izzy by making him eat his toe wasn't abuse, it was a one-off and abuse isn't a one-off thing it's a pattern, and then s2 made it a pattern.

explicitly. explicitly a pattern.

not just one toe but three.

jim saying "you're in an unhealthy relationship with blackbeard"

and all ed offered izzy was a "sorry about your leg" which might've been fine if izzy survived and they could work on this more, but instead that's all the apology and closure izzy will ever get

ed threw a chair and a vase and made stede flinch in fear and stede was right to do that. what part of any of this implies this will never happen again? that stede won't press the wrong button at some point and be on the receiving end? none of it

and if we'd been presented with a s2 stede bonnet who could handle himself and stand up for himself and fight back, then maybe i could imagine that turning into a weird sexy fucked up anne/mary like thing and maybe that could be why they put that episode in, but instead it feels like that episode was going, "look, see, ed's violence is fine because these two are fine with it with each other"

but stede isn't

ed and izzy or ed and stede in an unhealthy battle of a relationship could be such a fun, interesting and downright sexy thing to watch unfold on tv, and could honestly end somewhere far more down the chill end of the spectrum, but that's not what we've been given here

i cannot argue that ed isn't an abuser anymore, and not just of izzy but of the whole crew. he terrified frenchie.

it's not good writing to try and lean into the idea that ed and the pirates are violent and live a life of violence, so it's okay that ed's been violent, while simultaneously presenting his violence as traumatic and abusive, and then less than three episodes later saying oh it's fine now, he's just a little meow meow who can do no wrong, see?

especially considering they had him murdering people at the end of the season. and sure, you can say the english are just cannon fodder and they dont 'count', but they did before. ed explicitly did not kill before, and that included the english, or the spanish, or anyone else. so either they count or they don't, but flipping him on a dime makes no sense.

ALSO

having ed be the son of an abusive man who threw plates at his mother and made her cringe and then having ed kill his father to protect his mother and then a season later having ed become the kind of man who throws chairs and vases and makes his love interest cringe is, again, not bloody optimal

i want to say again i dont CARE about tv always presenting healthy relationships or tv always giving us aspirational goals. i want messy fucked up dynamics and terrible people making terrible choices, and still, to this day, i fucking love ed teach. i would honestly love to have seen them continue with ed's darkness and bring stede into it and see where they went with that, to have stede kill ned lowe and not just bury his feelings in ed but get off on it, enjoy the violence, and see where that led, but no

and so instead all we end up with is a protagonist who is being set up for a lifetime of abuse from an intimate partner, and a romantic lead who abuses his love interests (and yes. izzy is a love interest, he is set up like one and positioned like one and treated like one), frightens his love interests with his violence, is erratic and most of all inconsistently written. he was so sorry about scaring fang as though he hadn't been deliberately terrifying the whole crew for fuck knows how long? what?!

the whole fandom has spent so long saying, "no no, i know stede bonnet irl was a slave owner, but ofmd is using the names and not any real piracy, it's more disney piracy, you know? so that kind of stuff doesnt exist!" and then they flipped around and went "blackbeard is blackbeard and so he is evil and does all these horrible things" and i dont know how to rationalize the two sides of that because it feels so out of place

i'm getting rambly, this isnt a particularly well constructed thought process, i just feel like we were robbed both of a toxic, violent relationship that could be fun to see explored on tv and a soft and sweet love story between two middle aged men exploring their first loves in one fell swoop and there's no way for s3 to bring either of those things back because they got utterly torpedoed by making ed a horrible person

ugh

[i-cant-sing]

im WRITING NOTES AGAIN!!!

ok so i had to reread the ending of TTAU pt 9 cos i was confused on why y/n was crying! but im refreshed, that’s just so sad to me. it must’ve felt very dehumanizing with how the royals (specifically Miriham ) treats y/n and to have her niqab ripped off of her. and her broach stolen too, but idk if she cares for that. i’m mostly focusing on the niqab being her coverage and her way to feel closer to her religion. idk maybe im reading too into it.

AGH BALDWIN MENTION!! RAHHHH RAHHHH RAHHHHH

Ibrahim PRAYING to have y/n fall in love with him too. I FEEL SO ROMANTICAL!! that’s just too cute , it’s not forcing y/n to be with him but hoping she comes to love him aswell , RAHHH I LOVE IT

also i feel like with him wanting her…idk if he’ll actually help her get Out. maybe get out of the royal area , or something. but idk about…letting her leave him?! it makes me suspicious but then he prayed for her and now idk…his intentions just seem 🫨 to me. it’s shaking me around

mustafa bringing more broaches for y/n to wear, i wonder if he realizes that mihirmah is taking them without asking yet. or if he fr thinks y/n is still giving them away cos she doesn’t care.

im so stupid for not finishing that paragraph before writing something.

“there's no way he doesnt know Mihirmah is the one taking them when she openly flaunts them in his face.” is deadass the next sentence

“Baris asked as he looked through your closet.” i bet, he’s judging so hard. his ass is the type to throw something out cos he thinks it’s ugly.

another baldwin flashback 😭 STAWP , i’m trying to hate him in peace

"Because... I have to look for a present for Mustafa." SHE PLAYING BARIS LIKE MONOPOLY “present for Mustafa ☺️” LIAR !!!

"Have you stolen it?" RAHHHH I FEEL SOMETHING WEIRD IN MY TUMMY! DOES SHE KNOW ? DOES SULTANA KNOW SOMETHKNG SHE SHOULDNT ?

“Have you stolen what you came for? What exactly were you looking for? Mustafa's gold? His jewels?" bruh nvm. i’m stupid for thinking she’s smart.

“Just like Isabella, he will betray you every chance he gets.” that’s gotta be rough. like y/n has no one. literally no one. she’s just by herself until she can get home to her family, to her brother. i mean, y/n is clearly capable of surviving on her own, but it must be incredibly lonely and sad ! RAHHHH Y/N ! GOVE Y/N A BREAK!

“But... where did the portrait go?”

1. one of the boys has it hanging up cos “oh it looks so similar to the loml” 🤮

2. someone took it as black mail and is going to accuse y/n of witchery

3. it’s getting fixed up from where bladwin made out with it and they’ll find out it looks so similar to y/n and think y/n is related to royalty cos “why did a king 400 years ago have this portrait painted IF NOT IT BEING THE LOVE OF HIS CRAZY ASS LIFE ! AND Y/N IS A DESCENDANT AND CLEARLY NEEDS TO MARRY ONE OF THE BOYS THIS INSTANT! “

4. someone burnt it for y/n already

“ "I may not know how to hunt, but you do. So... shall we?" You asked patting the horse. “ y/n just makes herself seem like the weirdest person ever in both time periods cos she just wants to get OUTTA THERE! she does Not care if they think she’s crazy, she’ll say whatever to get where she needs to go.

“You both stared at each other, heaving and trying to catch your breath before breaking out into a laughter.” this horseback riding/chase scene is giving Anthony & Kate love story in Bridgerton. next thing we know Mustafa is gonna be going 🥴😵‍💫🤯 for how y/n smells. (this joke is gonna be lame if u haven’t seen bridgerton, i apologize)

“And somehow, you would soon hit the bullseye in his heart.” this shit corny as hell.

do it again

“…looking off into the distance as you remembered the old couple who helped you.” RAHHH I FORGOT ABOUT THAT! thats so saaaaad,

“‘…Maybe I'll see them there, just from a distance?" Mustafa nodded at your request. How could he say no to such an innocent ask?” *5 Seconds of Summer’s song Wrapped Around Your Finger starts playing *

“Those words, that praise... isnt that what he's yearned for all his life?” oh damn. this dude fell in love with a time traveling scammer. get in liiiine buddy, GET IN LINE!!!

“Doesnt he ever deserve to even delude himself that he has a chance at being the next sultan?” this whole paragraph just opened this character to me in such a naked way, it makes me FEEL REAL EMOTIONS! STOP IT! 🤮😭 also #daddyissues

“ "Wherever it'll be the most prominent." He smiled gently. “ hey, i’m just gonna jump off this cliff rq, ok? but fr tho? THIS IS TOO CUTE!! idk y/n’s plan with this is cos she doesn’t NEED to get him a gift, maybe it’s to get closer with him so he’ll have more leeway with her walking off without him? i’m under the delusion that she might be falling in love tho 🤷🏽‍♀️

“…or the way his heart warmed when your pupils dilated and he was ready to give you the world if you asked for it.” her pupils dilated ? well, she’s definitely attracted to the man 😀 right ? RIGHT?

“ "crochet your anger away, Y/n." “ I LOVE LEARNING ABOUT Y/N’s FAMILY!! THEYRE TOO CUTE !!

“…you finally sighed exaggeratively, as if this wasnt exactly what you wanted.” awe damn, mother fucking bitch. I AM DELULU! I HATE IT! i should’ve known, y/n is a scammer girl 4 lyfe 😣

“ “I do. But unfortunately, I had given it away to a Roman diplomat as goodwill." “ liar. he’s got it. i’m calling it rn. he’s got IT ! HES HIDING IT SOMEWHERE!!!!!! RAHHHH U LIAR!!! I DONT TRUST ANYONE NOW!!!!

“By the time you two left Manisa, Mustafa had decided that he was going to marry you.” damn bruh. u quick asf with that, huh? u love y/n thaaat bad ? OOOOH u wanna kiss y/n soooo baaad! he’s a little simp! simp! simp! simp!

“Mustafa doesnt have Suleiman's respect. “ oh damn that spiral was a little crazy. i like that. that’s my type of spiral.

“…he could only hope you dont mind that he lied to you about the portrait.” …i knew it 😩 I KNEW IT 😣 YOU CANT TRUST BITCHES ANYMORE ! WHAT HAPPENED TO HONEST GODLY MEN WHO DIDNT LIE 👹 AND CHEAT 👹 AND BE MEN 👹 ! RAHHHHH

“For him to stare at, to clear his mind as he peered into those eyes above the paint smudges, that looked eerily similar to yours.” hey now. let’s all chill out and not look into that, ok! let’s just stare at the portrait that was made 400 years ago, and is missing the bottom half of its face cos of no reason what so ever. don’t ever try to make a artist try to replicate it. don’t do anything crazy.

“On returning to Constantinople (present day known as Istanbul),” instantly reminded me of that scene in Umbrella Academy w/ Five fighting all those agents in a doughnut parlor. (i keep referencing things and just hoping you know one of them 😎)

“…your eyes being trained on the sad man who was busy buying vegetables.” RAHHH STOP I FEEL SO SAD ! THESE TWISTS OF EMOTIONS ARE TORTURE (i’m jk, i love being melodramatic)

“…but deep down, he knows he only stepped in to impress you.” HEADASS! this dude a simp.

“Mustafa threw a pouch of gold coins and told him that the debt is paid. Period. “ period 💅🏽

him still thinking of y/n saying she’s proud of him? HES SO INFATUATED WITH HERRRRR RAHHHHHHH

“…not knowing about the shit storm that was about to come.”

1. mihirmah is mad

2. the other lover boy (Mehmed) is mad

3. the sultana (that ISNT mustafa’s mom) is mad cos her kids are mad

“…but it seems like sweet talking didnt make a dent on you” ok? bitch tf? SAVE MY GRANDFATHER FROM GETTING HARASSED AND PAY OFF HIS DEBT! then we can talk, tf? Y/n DOESNT OWE U ANYTHING BITCH

“ "You're clearly accusing me of something, so say it." “ oh man, i just love when a women doesn’t let bitchass men walk over them. PUT HIM IN HIS PLACE GIRL ! YES BITCH!!

“…they still stay here, only leaving when the sultan takes them along." “ you saying only a lady’s baby daddy or real daddy can take them out of the house ? get the FAWK out of my face , THIS DUDE GOT ME MAD!

“Is he- did he just say you tempt men?” barf. this man is the definition of “i trust You, i just don’t trust men around u,” BITCH SHUT UUUUUUUUPPP

“…but the moment these men know that you're a woman, you're meat for them.” this sounds like projection, mother fucker. get into some therapy. BARF

“This veil that you seem so proud of?…” why did this make me feel attacked? this made me even more upset for y/n, cos ??? y/n has every right to be proud of it even if “It only makes men to want to rip it off you more”, that isn’t Why y/n wears her veil. maybe i’m not using the right words or expressing my feelings right but it just made me really mad.

“but you're wrong if you think I'm using my veil, my covered body to invite men to stare at me." “ oh beautiful. she put it into words for me.

"I AM THE NEXT SULTAN! I AM UNDER NO OBLIGATION TO MAKE SENSE TO YOU!" the gasp that i just gusped!! HOW DARE YOU!!

“His hand reached up and grabbed your niqaab, threatening to yank it off you.” i’m feeling VERY VIOLENT THOUGHTS!

“Do you think you can stop me from making your worst nightmares come to life?"” 😮.

“he found it necessary to reprimand you.” 🤢

“He patted your cheek to make you nod, and he finally backed away and left you alone in the hall.” 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

“how Mehmed had lifted up your veil and traced your skin.” that was a deadass traumatizing scene between the two and all the palace bitches got from that was “ohhhh they’re in loooooove” SHUT UUUUUUUP

“You want Mustafa to lose- you want Mahidevran to lose!” oh this bitch is crazy. her thots spirals just like her sons, apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

“..it doesnt register at first the hard smack she delivered to your face.” god damn. y/n never catches a break in this awful place. GET HER OUT ! GET HER OUT NOOOOW!!

“Hurrem turned to look at you, grimacing at your bloodied face.” oh god damn. i just hate everyone atp.

“…then that is what I will say- Mehmed did this to me.” y/n is too smart for her own good. FUCK THEM BITCHES UP WITH INTELLIGENCE GIRL!! GET THEM WITH UR UPDATED SCHOOL TEACHINGS!!

“But if you were to help me escape-" “ i hope to god this bitch helps y/n leave PLEASE GOD PLEASE

“Baris walked in with Mustafa, Mehmed and Mihirmah, all looking at the state of your injured face.” oh damn, my girl isn’t wearing her niqab 😩

“…it was Mehmed's eyes that pricked you and you quickly grabbed your veil, tying it around your face to cover it.” he’s cool for that, ig. i still hate him and want him to die and want him to fall on his face and break his nose and i want his dad to stop loving him.

“Suleiman's eyes widened at the state of your face- bruised, bloodied and swollen.” THIS ANGST IS CRAAAAAZY! DUDE ITS CRAAAAAZY !! I GET WHY Y/N WONT SNITCH BUT PLEASE ! PLEASE ! LET SOMEONE BE SMART ENOUGH TO FOGURE IT OUT ON THEIR OWN ! (i’m asking for too much ik) WHERE THEY CAN IGNORE Y/N TRYING TO LIE ABOUT HOW SHE DOESNT KNOW! PLEASE

“No. No, she couldnt have.” YES SHE COULDVE U DUMB BOY! PLEASE ! PLEASE ! JUST FIGURE OUT UR MOM IS A DUMB BITCH ‘ PLEASE

“ Suleiman's sixth sense was keeping him unsettled” NAUR BITCH ! ITS MORE LIKE A 5 1/4th OF A SENSE ! UR SO CLOSE BUT SO FAR ! PLEASE ! SOMEONE PLEASE !

“ Her hands hiding under her sleeves.” OH THANK GOD ITS A FR 6th SENSE ! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!!

“ "It’s okay, sultana. It was an accident." “ i did all this begging and for WHAT? whyyyy y/n ?! whyyyy do you have to care about the timeline and the fact that you’re literally controlling the future with what you doooo! whyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!

“ All this time, I thought she was cheating on you but Hurrem set her and me up. “ so CLOSE! YOURE SO CLOSE! Hurrem’s son is just a fucking crazy misogynistic that deserves the PLAGUE ! idk what plague, of if there is a plague at this time , but i hope he gets something bad!

“He now understands why his mother wanted him to marry you. You- you are the key to having the throne…” i like that he Just now got it! i like to think he truly likes y/n all on his own without the mission of the throne. it definitely helps his feelings, he gets the girl he likes and the throne. but he liked her fr, just for her.

“…had his blood boiling at the sight of your face uncovered as Baris applied healing balms to your wounds.” is this dude ever Not mad ? gtfo

“He corrected you before turning your face to him harshly” i just realized this dude is a real yandere. like an actual yandere. i forgot that this is what it’s all about. i’m all like “hes dehumanizing y/n!” “hes misogynistic !” like bitch look at wtf ur reading. ofc he is. he’s a yANDERE ! i’m sorry, dear author! i forgot where i was for a second!

"If you can do it yourself, then why let Baris do it? Do you enjoy his touch?" i still hate him.

“…because you dont want to stay in a place without the only sane person who had your back.” as far as we know….as far as we know.

“…besides giving him curt replies, which he doesnt notice because his head is so far up his-“ BARF BARF BARF! i hate him

“Mehmed has fucking lost it, and I need to get out of here right now.” PLEASE PLEASE GET OUT AS FAST AS YOU CAN! PLEASEEEE

"I'm saving your ass. Duh." i don’t trust ur Baris. someone def paid him to do it.

"He's having their eyes stitched up for staring at you." oh he’s CRAZY CRAZY! those poor people! y/n is going to feel so guiltyyyyy NAUUUR ! nawt more trauma ! leave my girl aloooooone!

“Keep a low profile and try not to seduce any more unhinged men.” little does Baris know…theyre in a story written by someone who will definitely have that happen :)! i’m sorry y/n ! i’m sorry for what the author with put u thru!!

“He had been paying me since the moment you set foot in the palace to keep you safe.” ibrahim! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU IBRAHIM!!

“So thats what Suleiman wanted to discuss with you.” Y/n ! LOVE IBRAHIM! PLEASE LOVE HIM! (i’m jk, but fr, i’m glad y/n is getting out)

“They're in love with me. And when they heard I was leaving, they decided to come along. “ baris, you devil man. i knew you were good this whole time…

“Maybe you just lucked out-“ i don’t want to scroll down. i don’t WANT TO MNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN! I JUST WANT TO TURN OFF MY PHONE AND DELETE TUMBLR AND LET THAH BE IT!!!

“You were struck by lightening.” god damn. just god damn. just- ohmygod! OHMYGOD! HO ! MA ! GAWD ! CAN SHE HAVE ANYTHING ? CAN SHE JUST GET A BREAK FOR A SECOND?’ CAN SHE JUST FEEL HOPE AND JOY FOR A SECOND?!

“ "I know where she is." He stood up, Mehmed following behind him. “ NAUUUR! THE GRANDPARENTS!! THEYRE GONNA DIIIIIE ! PLEASE NO! PLEASE GAWD NOOOOOOO!!!

“She killed herself the next day. She had jumped off the roof, but she didnt die instantly. She died as Hurrem watched from her balcony, and she refused to alert anyone to help the poor woman.” the old couples daughter, nooooo! just nooooooo! at least they can meet with her when they die,,,hopefully from old age!!

"BY THE ORDER OF SEHZADE MUSTAFA! OPEN THE DOOR!" it’s not gonna be from old age, they are Not dying from old age.

“ "Do it. Save Y/n." He told her, but before anyone could react, Mehmed sliced off the man's head, “ IM ACTUALLY CRYING. LIKE FR ! this isn’t faiiiiir! i mean? i know they were gonna die and i kept joking but IT WAS TO COVER THE PAIN! PLEASE NOOOOOO

“Mehmed kicked her in the back and the old lady fell to the ground. “ she died just like her daughter…kinda ? that’s so sad. i’m so upset!

"Fine." He pulled out his sword. "May the better prince win." god damn. just god damn.

“Mehmed was going to win and she needed to be there to witness it.” she’s as crazy as her damn brother. why tf did i think she was a lesbian and in love with y/n. i should’ve known 😣 i was pushing my gay agenda , the republicans r right 🫨 IM JUST FUCKING AROJND! i’m KIDDING

“ "I am better than you. In every way." Mustafa raised his sword to drop it on Mehmed's neck, just as cruelly he had done to that old woman.” SCREAMING! IM SCREAMING!!

“But that will be for another day-“ nauuur bitch. ur brother is gonna kill you! TURN AROUND BITCH ! TURN AROUND’ RAHHH NOOOO RAHHHHH

“People who more than willingly began microdosing Mehmed with poison.” i didn’t Not expect this. ho em gee

“You slammed your fists as the room began catching on fire.” y/n and fire! god damn. you’d think fire is a yandere for this poor girl. ohmygodddd

“The next moment, Mustafa's head was chopped off.” THE. GASP. I. JUST. GUSPED. NAUUUUUR I LIKED HIM THE MOST! NAUUUUR NAUUUUR NAUUUUUR

“It’s on.” oh mygod. OH MYGDOD

“Whatever time you land in, it'll be better than the one where you almost burn to death. Right?” RIGHT ?! RIGHT?! god PLEASE SOMEONE! GET THAT DAMN SCREEN FIXED ! PLEASE !

i’m feeling so many emotions. everyone died. girl when u said “ no one gets hurt “ or something like that. i was like “oh some ONE will die” bitch i didn’t think EVERYONE! the old couple! mustafa ! fuck head! like god damn bruh. i wonder how badly this will fuck with the timeline in the future.

ibrahim is at war rn and waiting to get home to his soon to be wife! the sultanas have lost both of their eldest sons! hurrem has some leftovers, so i wonder who will be in charge next.

the old couple gets to see their daughter again, and i loved how they loved y/n. i wonder why the old lady was choking y/n tho? was it to kill her so she didn’t have to go with mehmed & mustafa?

mustafa dying really upset me too. he had a genuine connection with y/n i feel like (besides ibrahim ofc) and i really liked him. you fleshed out his character so well that it shocked me when he died! he must’ve been scared, surrounded by people who wanted him dead. his mom far away. the love of his life (y/n) meeting an uncertain fate in that random castle. his brother just dying infront of him. i thot he had his army with him too, so im surprised Mehmed’s men were surrounding him. it’s just sad!

BUT SO GOOD! i’m so excited to see how this goes! how far it goes! i’ve really enjoyed annotating while i read as well, i feel like im more immersed in the story! thank you for chapter 10! it was delicious 😩

11/10 review, amazing, showstopping fabulous <3333

and yes, the old couple was killing y/n to save her from being taken advantage of by the ottomans, as their daughter was. in a way, they had good intentions for y/n.

[the-s1lly-corner]

Heyy me again so about the creepypasta thing, I just wondered if you can do Ben drowned with a gen z reader platonically? It's okay if your uncomfortable doing it ><

Ben drowned x gen z!reader (platonic!)

not uncomfortable at all! love that im getting ben drowned requests since i enjoy him a lot and kind of want to write for him more; just strictly platonic ..which reminds me, i need to draw him again soon! gonna answer this then take a break and get back to requests yipe!

admin is still sold on the idea of ben being confined to electronics most of the time so i can easily see him gaining access to your devices so he can pester you whenever he wants; though this may get a little annoying since youre... well still alive! you have a life

whether or not the reader is a creepypasta themselves or is a normal person is up to you! i think both can work, though i must say the idea of the reader being just some random person is really funny. like can you imagine? you get some haunted virus but the ghost is chill an you guys become friends

i do think ben can only mess with devices, i dont think he can mess with like. any internet browser stuff.... which segways me to my next idea; the og creepypasta came out in 2010, majoras mask came out in 2000, so putting it in the middle lets say ben died in 2005.. bro has missed a lot. youre going to have to fill him in on a lot of stuff, and boy let me tell you hes going to be going nuts

tell him about the new legend of zelda games. i think he would be hyped. throwing admins hc of ben being sick and tired of LOZ due to being trapped in the game out the window, admin needs this boy to get joyous!

he probably pesters you and asks you about the dumbest shit, does it on purpose because he thinks its funny

sometimes you guys play video games together, bro is absolutely astounded by how far games have come since he passed away. i think he would go insane over five nights at freddys. fill him in on the lore

going back on the video game stuff and playing together, just know that hes going to break the game and cheat + hes a sore loser, soooooooo...

do you think sometimes he comes and tries to spend time with you more and more over time because hes been stuck for years and hasnt really had many people to talk to? like yeah hes an angry spirit, but even angry spirits deserve friends!!!

ponders

probably messes with you by messing with your recordings if youre trying to make a video/tiktok/reel/what have you

probably interjects his own texts into your posts, never really says anything harmful, just messes with spelling or adds dumb messages

honestly its not your SM account/blog, its yalls shared account/blog now/j

stuck with old 2000s humor but i think he would absolutely love present day humor and how unhinged its gotten, though quick warning hes going to start quoting stuff

definitely quotes the sticking out your gyatt thing, hes going to drive you insane with it and hes going to laugh at you

do not play roblox tycoons with him hes going to bully small children

you guys play a horror game together on roblox and you can hear him freaking out through the speakers (likely using an old device for him so youre not fighting for control over one device)

absolutely DEVASTED when you tell him club penguin shut down

just know hes punching the metaphorical wall

on the rare chance ben is able to pull himself into the real world for a brief period of time, you guys probably do the same stuff hes just physically there for a short time!

make him touch grass while hes out, bro hasnt touched grass in nearly 20 years. this isnt even a haha "hes chronically online" joke, he hasnt actually touched grass in years due to circumstances

closing this with a hit of angst that made me go :( but imagine that it starts out as you guys being around the same age (well... close enough, since ben doesnt age anymore due to being a ghost) but overtime, you obviously grow up and have less and less time for him and :(

like owie

"what happened to us? we used to be best friends?" audio but its you two SOBS AND CRIES

[royposting]

i feel like im missing out so tell me about roy harper's abandonment issues (for educational purposes, obviously)

WELL i am glad you asked, i hope the following rant is satisfactory!! this is more ~vibes~ based than evidence based honestly so bear with me.

the thing about roy as a character when he is written well is that he is quite a subtle character; this is partially bc DC never really gave a shit about him honestly. meaning, a lot of what we can gather about him as a character (&person) comes from drawing logical conclusions from canonical events.

for example in my previous roy thesis where i discussed how logically his heroin addiction should be treated story wise compared to what we get.

so:

roy was very little when his father died (depending on which version of events you follow, he sometimes has a mother, sometimes he is a bit older, etc. i personally like devin graysons run for arsenal mini&will use that to base my canon on) and was taken in by the navajo tribe.

then, again depending on your canon, brave bow (his mentor&father figure at this point in time) either hands him off to ollie, or roy himself decides to leave. what we do know is that brave bow got sick and passed away shortly after ollie took roy in. meaning that is two father figures down before the age of 13. his time with the navajo was difficult as well, as he never really fit in, and would be told as such.

he idolised ollie; things obviously didnt turn out great in that regard for him. i dont like to consider ollie a TERRIBLE person, even back then, but he certainly wasnt looking to be the safe father figure this little boy so desperately needed and wanted more than anything.

a lot of it is, of course, that roy wasnt ever a popular character really, but looking at the older (pre new earth) canon, ollie wasnt really home a lot, didnt bring roy with him a lot, and honestly didnt seem to give many shits about him. leaving us with the image of this young boy left alone most of the time, without a proper place in the world.

he was honestly more of a teen titans character than a green arrow one, back then.

then ollie sets off with hal for a year: he doesnt even mention roy in GL/GA #1 when they decide to head out.

he starts messing with drugs around this time. like, how abandoned and lonely does a young person have to be to start shooting heroin? TT break up around this time, too, and donna breaks up with him, dick goes off to college - he is all alone, once again.

again, we have to imagine what fucked up mindset someone has to be in for all of this to happen. how insanely isolated and lonely he has to be to not call his friends and say hes struggling - he feels completely abandoned by everyone in his life.

then ollie punches him in the face and throws him to the street.

later on, left out of the roster of the NTT. we learn when we see him in NTT (vol 01 #27) that hes trying to build a life for himself. he doesnt do much vigilante stuff anymore.

he gets back into it, eventually, but until then, he keeps getting left behind: never good enough for anyone to take seriously nor stick around for. everyone always has too much other stuff, while he doesnt really.

he even fucking reconnects back with ollie like immediately before ollie dies lmao. which is honestly kind of funny in retrospect but ya know.

anyway he eventually gets back into things, becomes a dad, reconnects with his old friends. even joins the JLA. however there is always that layer of hurt over everything he does that just GETS to me ya know? like.

he is sometimes written in a way that i fucking hate where they essentially make him a chauvinist johnny bravo type dude who hits on teenage girls etc. i do not consider this canon. however we DO get a nice explanation for this in titans: secret files and origins (#1) where its essentially considered a front he puts on - similar in a way to how ollie tends to make jokes and be sarcastic when hes feeling insecure.

he tends to do this when cornered with his insecurities. he is so convinced that everyone he loves will leave him that he pushes them away first - ripping that band aid off before they get the chance to. if he acts horribly, noone will want to get close, leaving no room for him to get abandoned again.

yet he tries so, so hard to hold onto those he loves - consider, like, all of outsiders vol 03. consider how he, too, lost his best friend when donna died, but how he puts all of his own grief aside to help keep dick off that ledge. consider how part of his grief that lead to him joining slade in titans vol 02 (#26-38) is that he thought he was irredeemable after the events of rise of arsenal - he thought he had noone and nothing left.

i dont think much of his current issues are necessarily rooted in FACT - ollie (and debatably depending on your canon, brave bow) certainly did abandon him, leaving deep scars. but those are also what he bases his thoughts on his relationships on - this deep seated idea that he CANNOT be loved and wanted for himself and what he is (the romance with hawkgirl of all people certainly didnt help).

it doesnt matter that his friends and coworkers love and value him - we have to imagine the lens that he looks at his life and relationships through. personally id believe it if you said that his relationship to his daughter, lian, was the only one he ever trusted fully in his life - but he still feels like he failed her, that its his fault that she died, and he wonders constantly if he ever was good enough for her.

idk man this is a bible and SOOOO ranty but i care so so so much about him 🥺 and again this is vibes mostly - almost no writers actually give a shit about him so they dont leave space to actually sit and consider how he WOULD feel about these things. so this is just my interpretation. it shines through at times when you have a writer who is interested in him (such as judd winick, or devin grayson in the batman+arsenal mini) but usually they just pretend like his traumas wouldnt affect him at all. and i take issue with that.

[fictionfixations]

wasnt planning on making a post but im doing it now so uh

helluva boss the full moon episode (i dont remember which one it was. s2 ep8?? i think? idk)

(i just realized i said 'hazbin hotel' my bad. if i make a mistake like that uhh oops)

and yall are stolas defenders so im gonna talk about blitz (dont get me wrong i love both of them)

let me talk about it

(i dont know if i make any sense so oops)

notice how during stolas' proposal basically (cant help but see the gem as like a wedding ring ngl) blitz's eyes are shining because he cant help but hope

and then when he goes 'ohh youre just fucking with me right? this is some roleplay shit right?'

because its so incomprehensible in his mind that this is what he truly thinks it is.

anyway people have explained before about how stolas then proceeds to shut him out like being faced with blitz being in denial about it and taking it as a rejection

meanwhile blitz is like 'wait a second you were SERIOUS?'

and then hes like 'wAIT' because hes trying to understand. to comprehend that stolas was being real about it. that someone wants him. but then he doesnt have the time to think about it because stolas is leaving and he doesnt want stolas to leave

and yknow how blitz is hes kind of an asshole so then he defaults to being angry and frustrated. (i wonder if he feels like he'll only be heard by being angry and yelling. or if by being angry, by shutting people out and being the one to break it off makes blitz feel more in control. anyway-)

no but listen before this hes like 'what the fuck?' stolas leaves, blitz follows him in silence still in that confused and hella surprised state because it was so unexpected while stolas' talking about stuff

hes silent for awhile (probably trying to make sense of it while half-listening)

and then stolas is like 'thats enough to know what this is' and THEN blitz gets all angry and yelling

and inside hes just like. ..thats it? but its like. stolas is going to leave. and he doesnt want him to go. but he also doesnt know how to express that (especially with stolas having completely shut him out at this point in his own feeling, so set in the rejection without realizing that blitz hadnt actually rejected it. had been in disbelief instead of an actual no. and i get why he didnt stay to continue the conversation it just. sucks. so bad.)

("Can I get a fucking minute to think" got stuck in my head) and then blitz gets angry and blames stolas because thats whose infront of him. someone he can yell at and get angry which is so much easier then trying to decipher his feelings, or stolas' feelings. to try to understand. to be vulnerable especially in front of someone who he may like but its also complicated considering the power imbalance, or how all royals are asses so surely stolas cant be different, how its just a transactional relationship and nothing serious.

hes also saying things he doesnt necessarily mean meanwhile stolas is taking it to heart like 'this is how he really feels about me' when that isnt true (blitz is kind of just making excuses. and instead of being 'set free' as it might seem to stolas, it seems to him like stolas is just. throwing him away. getting bored of him. hes ignoring the love confession stolas just says 'i want you' PLEASE be more blunt about it oh my god theres so many wordings that i have an issue with from stolas im going to be honest.

like LISTEn he goes 'i want you'. blitz is in denial. stolas then starts to acceptance/resignment and blitz is like 'wait a fucking second'

so blitz who thought they were going to have a sexy time. suddenly gets hit with feelings out of the blue. and he doesnt do good with those. and its so incomprehensible that he doesnt believe it. and then basically stolas rejects him right after with blitz realizing 'wait you were serious?' and then gets angry like 'what? no, it can't be over. ..well fuck YOU then!' like. he kind of feels betrayed? like 'how dare you spring this feelings bullshit on me (and then LEAVE)'

also is he projecting? has he experienced something??? and i really dont think hes had the chance to properly process so he's just shoving it aside and focusing on the then and now. which is stolas leaving and dismissing him which blitz takes offence to and accuses him of being like all the other royal assholes. because he doesnt know how else to communicate. this is not to say that he isnt an asshole because he is, but id like to say that theres reasons to all of it.

ALSO ALSO. i think its less that blitz believes stolas to be like that but (besides reasoning to himself that stolas is just like all the others so he can distance himself and cut ties even if it hurts) that its because thats the position stolas has and so its what he turns to for insults. i had more to say about this part but i already forgot, oops.

and ive seen people talk about this too but stolas conversing through words while blitz converses through feelings. so its like for blitz youre not meant to listen to what hes saying but to listen to the feeling? meanwhile stolas being through words (thus probably feeling like 'i want you' is explanation enough while blitz needs more clarification then that)

and potentially with stolas being all horny around him cause haha my crush is here and hes hot and i love him and aaah making blitz think stolas just wants him because of what he can offer? (and maybe if hes never faced love that its unrecognizable? especially towards him?) a thought to go onto another time

also another thought to go down. you think after blitz realizes hes serious that hes trying to coomunicate. with the 'can i get a FUCKING moment to think'

and then his mouth goes on autopilot and starts insulting him trying to stall trying to get him to stay even if its with hurtful words because thats what hes used to thats what he does (also defaulting to anger)

just like yelling at him trying to get stolas to just stop walking. to stop turning his back on him.

and hes just running on anger at that point because he didnt get too long to process that stolas was serious so a part of him still thinks that its just. not real? and hes running off of that because again its so much easier than being vulnerable with someone

blitz has. probably been very trustful of someone, only for them to betray him and hurt him and use him so ahdishfu

also probably blitz's attempt at trying to get them to actually communicate

to get him to stop. stand still. stop leaving. stop moving. just turn around, face him, and talk. to get all their feelings out and explain. to clarify.

maybe he even wants stolas to get angry because that's what he's used to. wants him to get angry so they can get it all out there. maybe wants a part of him to feel vindicated of 'he was right, stolas was an asshole', the part of him that doesnt want to be close to anyone in fear of being hurt

..and then stolas doesn't react how blitz expects him to. (because they DONT understand each other at all! they don't interact all that much outside of sex, and stolas offering it to blitz is rejected)

blitz realizing 'wait... shit...' to wheres hes immediately brought out of his anger by stolas' words

'goodbye'

also it almost sounds like blitz is saying 'Stolas, wait I'm s-' as in 'im sorry'

realizing it wasnt going as he expected it to. that stolas really was serious. that stolas was hurt. that stolas was going to actually leave and blitz. doesnt. want that to happen. so then he. tries.

and then goes 'what the fuck' when he appears outside

and honestly sometimes a lot of relationships need space from each other to realize who they are without them. and also to realize how much they care about the other, yknow? to understand their feelings without anything else complicated thrown into the mix.

listen: blitz could go back into complete denial like 'no fuck stolas actually-'. realize he misses stolas, actually.

cause i feel like he really did try at the end only to get shut out (its a really complicated situation because ive also seen people talk about how blitz yelling could remind stolas of stella(?) i think the person he divorced)

and it could be seen as rejection of him trying to do feelings talk. which he could double down on his 'no one can love you, itll only bring you hurt' idea, or bringing other people hurt (as in his mother's death or fizz getting hurt)

but i feel like he also needs time to just realize things. to think things through instead of being faced with immediately having to respond because theyre talking face to face. immediately having to respond because stolas is leaving and if he doesnt say anything then that'll be it.

its complicated. honestly, though. i feel like its for the better for them to have this break. to rebuild their life without the transactional relationship. i just wonder how they'll get back together (daughter plotting time? maybe?)

i wonder if hell has therapy. (...but also. what if the therapists were corrupt and didnt hold any form of patient privacy???)

hh

anyway i dont know if i made sense. ive just had these thoughts stuck in my head so ive just been spewing out all the ones related to this so i could stop thinking about it

a;sp a;sp o hjavej oirhfrj

holyfuck ok

also also i have more to add

okay so you know stolas' line of 'you have no obligation to touch me or to bed me'

you know what that sounded like with loona having told blitz 'hes getting tired of you'

it sounded like stolas didnt want blitz to basically touch him anymore. which is probably blitz' interpretation of it and thus his anger of 'you think you can do this shit just because im an imp and youre a royal?' or whatever (hes not even touching the fact of the gem. its 'am i not good enough? i can do better!' because the book was the only reason in his mind why he could interact with stolas. and just. aghhh)

any more thoughts im shoving here in the future before i get more brainrot over this

[swiftfootedachilles]

*vibrating intensely* hi please tell me your autistic Mickey headcanons I'm collecting them

ohhhh i have so many thoughts

ive already talked about this ad nauseum previously but i always have time to discuss my favorites autist

his hatred of sleeves is totally an autistic thing. he just hates sleeves, specifically anything thats not long sleeved or sleeveless

he seems to prefer warm weather. he bundles up sooo much in the winter and he talks about moving back to mexico in s11. he would rather go back to prison than move any more north than chicago

i am once again mentioning that compulsory heterosexuality is absolutely part of mickeys masking. he seems to not gaf about masking about a lot of "typical" autistic things like not understanding social cues/rules or lacking conversation skills. a lot of his masking is more survival based like seeming straight and masculine and tough

^ which makes sense that when he starts unmasking, he likes patterned/hawaiian shirts :') he loves how visually simulating they are and he can tolerate the sleeves bc the fabric is very breathable and light

he really likes loud sounds specifically loud music and ambient/outside sounds like the ones he looks up in s11 to help him fall asleep :) he seems like the kinda person who can only do one thing as once, ie cant listen to music and play video games at the same time. when he does something he has to Devote Himself To It. if hes listen to music thats what hes doing. hes gonna sit there with his giant ass headphones on and stim or just cover his eyes and focus on the lyrics. hes s natural loud talker. he could yell over a jet engine if he wanted to. altho he doesnt like people raising his voice at him for obvious reasons. he cant stand pure silence it makes his skin crawl. ian loves his peace and quiet so mickey often throws on his headphones for parallel play. ian cooks or reads his book in quiet and mickey listens to deftones or doomscrolls on tiktok. parallel play becomes a huuuuge part of their bonding as a married couple :)

when he gets overwhelmed he completely shuts everything out. he acts like a cornered animal and lashes out at anything even if someone is trying to help. he needs space until he calms down or he'll have a meltdown and start throwing/breaking things or causing physical harm. sometimes he becomes too overwhelmed too quickly and completely skips the "shutting everyone out" stage and go straight to getting physical

he stims a lot by hitting or throwing stuff so ian trains him to use soft things like pillows and plushies (he absolutely has a plushie collection) when stimming. i think he also hits himself on the head sometimes. :( (totally not projecting) but be mainly sticks to his regular stims like messing with his eyebrows, chewing his nails, and biting his lip. he has an oral fixation! ian gets him a chew necklace. he likes singing and dancing with ian tho hed never admit it. he likes flapping his hands and jumping but hes still too embarrassed to ever do them. he unconsciously sways and rocks, especially if hes in the same spot for a long time

ian absolutely buys mickeys most of his sensory/stimming shit. lights, weighted blanket, spinner ring, chew jewelry, peelable clear nail polish, bike chain (which we see mickey has on his bedside table in s5 so i 1000% believe this was his first stim toy!!!) toy, tangles, different types of plushies (squishmallow, squishables, jellycat, reversible octopus (mickeys fav they both have at least one for every possible emotion), plushie dreadfuls, palm pals, different shapes and textured fabrics.) ian often steals a lot of these plushies; they are their first children. after they move back to the southside and are doing some work on their house, ian notices mickey still needs the catharsis of breaking shit, so sometimes they go on dates to the junkyard with baseball bats and destroy shit together

mickey literally cant be in the same room with ian when he eats his eggs with ketchup. the concept itself is so gross he cant tolerate it

hes very sensory seeking, again partly because of his oral fixation. he likes spicy food and LOVES sour food. obviously he loves candy and junk food. they have lamps, other small lights, and color changing led lights all over their home. eventually they both fall into a routine of communicating nonverbally using different colors of lights

mickey isnt great at communicating verbally tho he tries. sometimes he just cant, its too overwhelming and he cant think of the words to properly express himself. hes much better at conveying his thoughts thru physical means. this is part autism, part learned during childhood

he learned literally everything he knows about society thru movies. he uses a lot of old slang and makes niche references. he refuses to explain any of them to ian

sometimes he goes nonverbal and he texts only using (sometimes too many) emojis and reaction images that nobody gets except him

most people think hes weird and dont get his sense of humor but ian thinks hes the funniest person on the planet! they often make references to inside jokes in front of other people and it annoys the shit out of everyone

ok i have to stop now or im gonna go on forever thank you for the ask

[andromerot]

my pedro almodóvar marathon. thoughts, feelings, tier list

or, i spent like 50 hours on this so i better get to post about it

well, i'd be lying if i said i set out to do this with any clear goals in mind. i sort of just wanted to watch movies. this year i set out to watch through a couple of directors entire works, but ran into complications or got bored. so anyway when i finished my term i decided id try a third time with my best friend pedro. i had watched five of his films already but was mostly unaware of other things he had made. on the 22nd of november i started with matador, then went on and in exactly a month i had watched all of his feature films yayyy

so this is how i ranked them on letterboxd and this is a tier list. this doesnt really sum up my thoughts though so im leaving a little review for each below the cut, in the order i watched them in this month hope someone cares :) thank you

matador (1986): ohhhhhh my god. absolutely unexpected how insane this movie made me. many people say its not very good, i dont think that's true. transgressive, erotic, camp, necrosexual, implicit faggot tension, beautiful costuming, insanely talented cast of so many characters sick in the head. watching this one first really hyped me up to keep at it and to close out the month i rewatched it the other day and though it was less surprising than the first time i watched it its maybe my favorite now :) it has structural flaws i suppose. but i love it

¿que he hecho yo para merecer esto? (1984): pretty funny! not bad at all, i remember enjoying it as i watched it, it just wasnt very memorable. i enjoy every performance by carmen maura, chus was stellar as always and forqué was really sweet in this one too, i liked it. i literally forgot half of the plot though. did anyone remember the telepathic child or the faked hitler diaries? i didnt until i looked it up.

la ley del deseo (1987) (rewatched): showed this one to my friend, god its iconic. some of my favorite chiques almodovar. so fun to watch and so silly even though its not quite a comedy. the fact that antonio is just called antonio in this one makes me unwarrantedly happy. MAURA THE WOMAN THAT YOU ARE!! very hot all around. i think i liked it better this time than the other two i had watched it.

pepi, luci, bom y otras chicas del montón (1980): everyone talks about how sexually transgressive 80s almodovar is and i was like yeah whatever until i watched this one. straight up trilogy of trash shit. so beautiful. i wish every movie was like this. no one likes it but i adored it. erecciones generales will stay in my mind forever and i loved the musical numbers. and the piss, of course.

entre tinieblas (1983): also somewhat forgettable, though i watched it while pretty worried about something else so maybe i didnt give it the attention it deserved. its not a bad time but i wouldn't rewatch it. based on the premise you think it'd be better.

la flor de mi secreto (1995) (rewatched): OH GOD. until last month my favorite almodóvar, its been outdone but it still destroys me. its terribly underrated. i dont even know what i can say about it... marisa paredes is stunning at doing desperation. the boots, the scene at the protest, the initial meeting with ángel, the poem in the car, that moment in the hall. it's beautiful and breathtaking. lesbian film history, i promise.

todo sobre mi madre (1999): like, its good, but i dont get what people see in it that makes it so acclaimed. again paredes is great in this, but penélope is somewhat tame compared to what she does later, and this is the point in the list where i have to admit cecilia roth is not very good to me and all my compatriots start throwing rocks at me. listen i just wish she'd stop doing that stupid accent its so fucking bad cecilia sincerate seguro sos de villa crespo. anyway its fine if a bit weird about trans women, but hes always a hit or miss w that

átame (1989): took a big break between the last one and this one for some reason. anyway, pretty funny, except it really drags in the middle. shouldnt have been that long, but victoria abril always slays and the last scene is wonderful.

tacones lejanos (1991): WOAHHHHH! really cool i liked it. i love a mother daughter thing especially this mother and this daughter. really fun doppelganger story and i love how it was told, i found it both melodramatic and subtle? miguel bosé makes a really pretty girl, this will inform my every subsequent rewatch of suspiria. big fan of his gender. dance number fucked obvs

kika (1993) (rewatch): ok, i know why people don't like this one, but its so silly... cmon. it sillay. once again incredible abril performance, the costuming my god.... her character makes the whole movie i wish i was her. lesbian rossy de palma was wonderful and every forqué performance is a delight. pedro getting hitchcockian with it to slightly trick the audience is a staple of his 90s filmography, fucks.

carne trémula (1997): the title made me think it would be better! there was barely any carne. i didn't really see the point of most of it tbh, though based on how the movie starts and ends there might be some spanish historical context that im missing that makes it more interesting. strangely reminiscing of the buenos aires affair to me, but puig is better. yeah it was just pretty boring.

laberinto de pasiones (1982): YAYYYYYY i had some trouble torrenting so i watched it really out of order this but its SO FUN. obviously in the same vein as pepi luci bom but i liked it slightly more just for how unnecessarily elaborate it was. the one major role i dont mind roth being in and im a big fan of antonios gay terrorist with an ultradeveloped sense of smell character and arias is really into his very silly character too – he works well in secreto as well, i wish hed been on more almodovares, i should finally watch camila. liné was hilarious too. the problematic incest storyline was really funny to me sorryyyyy and i got a lot of gender out of the musical performances. hey can you believe that beautiful fag covered in blood is a franquista now. i can

hable con ella (2002): ehhhhhhh. some people really hate this one for the couple scenes i found most interesting, others love it for reasons i cant parse. its got parts that caught my attention a lot, but mostly it was eerie in an unenjoyable and uninteresting way and the backstories dragged on too long, especially grandinetti's. like i just don't care sorry. THE scene is quite disturbing though. i appreciated he decided to show rape in a more subtle light for once, it made it a lot more cruel and a lot more interesting.

la mala educación (2004) (rewatch): sighhhh. i really wish i liked this one. its got so many elements i am into – the colours are obviously spectacular, the unreliable multiple narrations and the disassembled timelines are always enjoyable to me, the attempt at social commentary is appreciated, some scenes are stunning (fictional ignacios head split in half is unforgettable) but quite honestly the characterization is so bad it bores me. i liked it more the first time i watched it just because of how confused i was, once i wasnt it lost its magic. maybe the worst in what is considered the "somewhat autobiographical movies about directors" trilogy (i think there's four of them but we'll discuss that later) probably because the character of enrique is so bland. i know its more but it feels that you only spend like five minutes with him. ángel/juan's motivations for anything are so puzzling, ignacio is just a caricature at this point and probably the character with the most depth is berenguer, which is ironic, i guess

volver (2006): WAHHH. its hard to talk about it honestly. it was so unexpectedly beautiful. the acting is so on point – penélope cruz and that beautiful carmen maura comeback are self evident, but blanca portillo is also stellar. it was fascinating from minute one and i couldnt keep my eyes off it. its written with such care and love. i suppose the plot itself is nothing out of this world, but the way it is handled is explosive. i really adored it.

los abrazos rotos (2009): the fourth bastard on the self insert series! cmon, its way more about himself than la mala educación. anyway, its good at some points, not very in others. the strong point is obviously the relationship between mateo, judit and diego, their refusal to be tied as a family and their desire to be tied by love is reaaaally interesting. the scene at the sea... but penélope and her millionaire and her millionaires son do nothing interesting at any point, im afraid to say. sad! surprisingly not very memorable, even though i didnt dislike it as i watched it. like i remember i liked some things but if a couple weeks later i dont remember what they were its probably the movies fault

la piel que habito (2011): AUGHHH OK. fuck. THIS ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD. it wasnt it was really mid. when it started i was like oh is pedro trying out his hand at cronenberg and i was really excited because im SURE he can do cronenberg better than cronenberg but he didnt. it was worse. how are you giving your women less agency than that guy??? honestly probably the first ever film of his where this is a noticeable problem, though penélope in the last one should give us a hint. ughh it should have been good. im mad about that. no desire to question gender or power and the unchronological storytelling does nothing for me. BAD! if anything i recognized its sexual power for if banderas character was a woman i would be throwing up and convulsing on the floor. i hope vicente and his lesbian coworker had a beautiful romance i guess. i cant believe some people call this one one of the most controversial of his work....

los amantes pasajeros (2013): hm well everyone was like THIS is the bad one and i was like i bet you guys are just being mean but no yeah this is the bad one. its not funny and it drags on so long...i can usually defend the rape scenes in his movies, even in kika or hable con ella, but this one just sucks so bad. i was prepared to defend this movie but i cant. as soon as the movie started i was trying to guess where all the threads would connect, how all the characters would be linked and they mostly... weren't? also the reference to the gazpacho scene in mujeres made me groan out loud.

julieta (2016): well i dont really know what this was supposed to be....it feels on the surface it could have been really good but something about it felt so emotionless. it was an odd experience, watching it, because i expected to be moved by so many scenes and i never was. i dont know what the point of it was.

dolor y gloria (2019): ok yeah this one was sweet! didn't blow my mind or anything but it was very cleverly made...a really more beautiful way to do the childhood-as-movie thing than in mala educación, i really enjoyed it. nostalgia bores me sometimes but i feel hes not being annoying about it. long live old man yaoi (and finally an argentinian actor i DONT hate...) and that beautiful beautiful cave and that mind gripping apartment bringing in the characteristic insane set design but in a new way...i had a good time

madres paralelas (2021): oh this could have been so good! it wasnt but honestly i dont remember exactly why i disliked it. i suppose i didnt connect to the characters and that it is a story that requires that to engage you – their motivations were really out of place and unlike other movies that bothered me. really interesting premise, didnt work out. im sad about it. could have been cool.

yeah so that's it i only realized while writing this that i forgot to rewatch mujeres but obvs that ones very good, proper classic, quote it every time i eat gazpacho and such. also extraña forma de vida is a snore i refuse to watch it again. i hope this works as a rec list for someone. and i am ready to be stoned by my wrong opinions by the rest of you

[penguinkyun]

chapter 154 review (and 153 and 152)

due to the nature of these chapters this review will contain references to canonical csa, abuse and suicidal ideation along with references to canon one sided incest. if this affects any of you please click off and I'll see you next time! your mental health matters

before i say absolutely anything else: hoshino ai get behind me

while i did want to make a review for each chapter individually but since i couldn't, I decided to combine 152, 153 and 154 in this one because they're all a continuation of the same scene anyway. this will be primarily 154 though since the other two supplement it.

anyways. aughaughauhasufghauighasugh- *continued noises of agony* i want to eat this chapter. holy shit.

i had so many questions answered with this chapter (and like. got several more LMAO) and this was so so good to read

i have to comment on hikaru's characterisation because he's so utterly resigned to being unloved like all the light left his life the moment ai did. its sort of a mirror to how ai considers herself entirely unlovable too and it just hammers in the fact that they really some part of the understanding and acceptance both of them were seeking but unfortunately the factors weren't in the cards for them.

what does this chapter breakup do to the already established timeline of the uehara-himekawa suicide taking place in the year of dome preparations and 153-154 seemingly confirming that said murder-suicide takes place wayy before the twins are even born? i am not looking at it. i do not see it. i am absolutely not thinking of what this changes about aqua's no hoshigan arc. nope. not seeing it. timeline doesnt exist to me.

sorry to hikaru, but ai immediately going “teehee! no ^V^ <3” at his marriage proposal was incredibly funny. girl there are so many things wrong with you (affectionate)

anyways when i was reading this i was actually struck by how i could just. tell ai was lying during this whole breakup. its really remniscent of her fight with nino, because ai's defense mechanism is to fawn and find the right thing to say to fix the situation to try and descalate it and she does not like confrontation. and here its like...shes trying to break it off as clean as possible, throwing out every reason because she doesn't want to but she knows she has to both because she is utterly right that the type of relationship they have is not healthy for hikaru and that adding marriage + kids to that would be incredibly difficult and would just be Bad for the both of them.

it was just so bad in the delivery ai please oh my god. its actually a little bit funny if you ignore the. the breakdowns.

and its. just really really sad that both hikaru and ai blame themselves and hate themselves for things entirely out of their control, which hikaru thinking airis abuse of him was something he did and ai filled with so much regret even when she knew she was trying to make the best decision for the both of them.

anyways. also ignoring how the movie arc kinda fails in delivering the set up that wouldve made this chapter hit much harder than it already does. moving on!

i just really really enjoy how this hammers in the fact that ai really was just. an ordinary girl. she was a lonely girl trying her hardest to be able to love and give the best possible lives to the people she cares about and even her dvd is still just trying to do that. to give herself accountability in the future so that she can't back out of it by giving the DVDs to gotanda that maybe, she along with her kids can try for a family again. it is just so ai in a way that is utterly heartbreaking to read.

also uh. kamiki's assertion he did infact give ai's address to ryousuke would be a kinda a confirmation he wasn't entirely responsible if not for the huge sixteen year old corpse of amamiya goro in the room. wonder why the two of them were there at the hospital that night. wonder how hikaru got said hospital address when ai broke it off because she considered herself the burden rather than hikaru and thus wouldnt have given the hospital address to hikaru. wonder about all of that. also wonder about miss fuyuko niinos role in all of this. so many questions really.

(also justice for katayose yura. is she STILL in those mountains.)

as for this being aqua’s revenge plan, its exactly what i expected actually! we've been told over and over that aqua would not be able to kill kamiki, not without extreme damage to himself both mentally and probably physical if he went through with his suicidal plan. this revenge is as gentle as it is cruel. it thoroughly breaks apart hikaru's world — striking directly at his heart past every single denial he has offered himself for 15 years to slam him with the plain truth: ai loved him and he killed her. And he now has to sit with that regret of time lost for the rest of his life. but it's also so gentle as it offers everyone a release from the chokehold ai’s death has had on them. it offers everyone a chance to let go of those regrets and move on with their lives in freedom. even for hikaru, he is finally given the full truth and learned that he was infact loved

but as much as i like this revenge it feels…i don't know how to say it but its sort of a disservice to the struggles aqua has faced till now because this revenge is the conclusion without the necessary setup. ever since c.10, aqua has expressed intense suicidal ideation and has been incredibly depressed and that ideation got horrifically worse during the movie arc.

there has been no resolution to this intense downslide of his mental health with basically just ruby’s “You're my oshi and I depend on you”, Kana asking him not to die (framed comedically) and Akane trying to use kana and aquas crushes to fix him. none of this is a refutation of the core issue of his suicidal ideation: that he feels such immense guilt at having failed ai, to the point he believed he had to commit murder and die, for him to atone completely. none of that refutes his belief that he is worth less than everyone around him. So him reaching this revenge without any of the emotional healing required feels a bit jarring and there's no catharsis. after over 140 chapters of aqua feeling heavily suicidal to see him looking forward to his future is nice, but i'd have liked to see his healing yknow? to have him say point blank he wants to live

SHOUTOUT TO MENGO FOR DELIVERING IN FANTASTIC ART YET AGAIN....! HAPPY HOSHINO FAMILY PANEL MENGO ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME. AUGH. AUAHG I AM IN PAIN. AUGH. That page of Hikaru absolutely breaking down at the news Ai really, truly loved him, with no lie and just the desperation with which he presses his hand, his entire self as if he could just reach across the screen and hold Ai’s hand again. laughs in agony

although theres been a recent trend of ai's importance being downplayed to roid up grsr and this chapter feels sort of...the opposite? like the twins importance to ai was being downplayed in favour of intensifying the hkai relationship (but since this dvd is aimed at asking her kids if they want to be a family with hikaru 15 years in the future i guess...?)

oh hello ruby there you are i thought you had no idea about the revenge plan. her presence is interesting because im tentatively hoping we'll finally get a resolution to the AquaRuby debacle due to the way theyre paralleled to hkai. fingers crossed.

anyways ending on aqua literally sobbing as he delivers the final sentence to hikaru - that his understanding of ai was fundamentally wrong and because of his desire to have her for himself he lost both her and any possible chance he had of a happy ending.

fuck. break next week welcome to our favourite biweekly manga

[butchdykenormallen]

okay. trying again with hunger games au.

I think 1 small change I'll make is that I dont wanna age everyone down so I'm just gonna say that the hunger games is for adults too lol.

grian lives in district 11 with his slightly younger brother, Jimmy, and his twin sister, Pearl. (I cant decide if they're fraternal twins or identical and Grian is trans)

his parents illegally hunted to keep them all fed and they taught grian and pearl to hunt too. grian now hunts with the family friend Joel, who also hunts for his small family of his own. they've had to hunt more often as of late (around the time of the reaping(the thing of picking the tributes)) because joel has recently gotten married (lizzie cameo!!)

grian himself doesnt find himself very interested in romance (hes very aromantic coded, he only had a small crush on scar when they were kids and he just has other things to focus on, much like katniss) and he doesnt really get it but hes fine with staying out in the woods later with joel if they need more food if he needs it. joel usually gives him the pelts of extra game to sell at the market so it's a good deal. joel, him, and jimmy are kind of a little friend group in the district (bad boys bad boys)

scar is a baker who the bad boys work with on occasion, mostly getting him stuff because he isn't really allowed out of the house much (its parent stuff, they wont let him move out or leave even tho hes an adult but like he just lives with it bcuz the economy n stuff is so bad that if he left to build his own life hed prolly end up on the streets for a long time)

they mostly go to the black market for him for getting like sugar and they help get baking stuff for him in return for lots of bread. this started back when he and grian were young and scar had to throw out burnt bread and his ma hit him and grian found it like a lil feral animal and paid scar back with a dead rabbit (this is based off a scene in the hunger games but tweaked a bit) and they've been trading ever since. grian wouldnt say they were friends but scar is a sweetheart. hes surprised someone could be kind in the world they live in.

anyways jimmy gets chosen as tribute, grian volunteers to replace him, and then scar is chosen. nobody volunteers for him, which breaks both of their hearts a bit.

their mentor is Martyn and their stylist is a man who goes by the name S. Major who grian swears hes met before

training montage, dressup montage, very gay denial scarian montage, and bam. the games start.

I'm not 100% on who the participants in the game will be because I wanna keep a lot of players alive to be other characters, but also I think grian should 100% group with the southlanders. but that means theyd die and. I dont wanna do that. maybe mumbo could die? maybe hes like rue. but... augh... but martyn is like the mentor so he isnt IN the games...

AUGH

this is always what gets me.

okay so blah blah blah, shit happens, scar loses one of his legs and gets all bloodthirsty about it, they almost commit a double suicide, and the game ends.

I think bigb will be kinda like plutarch? idk. I think characters wont fit super properly into the roles (like I kinda want secret soulmate crumbs but also if you think of them as Katniss and plutarch its weirrdd yk???)

and I actually have to go. so signing off. sorry I didn't finish once more.

once again savign this in my pocket for later touare so coool and i love you. i love when you infodump at me you are awesme

[szif]

i Just finished disco elysium here's my thoughts on it

[first words as the credits roll]

this was worth the 11+ hours of gametime in a row of a "itll take 3 more hours to wrap it up, i'll quickly go through it!" and here's me, nearing 6 am, about to go to sleep. haha. like holy shit just finished the game. i feel like i have played this before and i have the memories full crystal clear but the ending just feels relatable because it feels like a recollection of everything people throw at you its like... a "confession scene" like how most storygames also have them, where you have to recount all your actions and your environment decides on your fate. im just real glad i took the time to actually finish it

[actual spoilery part]

having to go with cuno is the biggest punishment in the entire game and i remember it being like that (do not ask where these memories are from. i looked it up and i apparently have, in fact, played this game before, a ... year ago? and yet i didnt notice it when i was playing it?) and just the abscence of kim hit me so hard i decided on just loading a save for it.

kim was the best fucking character ever like he was so like, cool and i wanted him to just say literally anything. kept trying to talk to him just to see if he would have a little convo with me like he was just lovely. all his reactions and how the relationship develops between our guy and him? it was amazing he really was a huge boost to my fun!!!! and i feel like all the dialogue and the setting itself was just. a huge part of it. like they knew what they were doing and kim is the biggest example of it.

for like . im sorry i am so tired icant make all these symbols you know what okay i will but it physically pains me. all these [vague gestures] stuff i actually felt like i could somewhat understand the game and what i need to do and i didnt actually feel like, über confused or felt like the game is impossible. i just did my own thing and also set out to my own adventures to have fun. i literally had fun throughout the entire game and loved every second of it until i accidentally got kim fucking shot and got locked with cuno. like that was fucking horrible. but it really surprised me like i felt like it would be stressful or i would break down crying about it at least once or twice but no. it was great.

im really just like. amazed by the game honestly. like yay videogames are actually fun. and thank you to whichever tumblr user uploaded it in a hurry then took it down for their safety again because i feel like thats how i have a copy of it? so thank you, whoever that stranger might be, because i feel like i gained some nice fun from it and i probably wouldnt have gotten the game otherwise out of my volition besides having it conveniently placed in front of me. thank you, but really!!!

oh yeah, im im sorry my brain is a bit scrambled but honestly i was super into the fact that i found that stickbug thing and didnt have to leave each other behind. i dont know if it played out once for me or not but i went with my guy kim and left our guy in there. it has been great i really liked that outcome. but thats not what i want to say actually the thing i want to say would be something like "i feel so deeply uncomfortable and theres something spiralling and warping in me, a part of myself that doesnt sit right with the fact that the ending was about some pretty much homeless guy who through a political assassination got his opposing enemy soldier when all of the stuff was unwrapping inside the town." a bunch of troubled people walling your cop ass out from them because you're trouble and they all carry their baggage and everything is more complex as they seem but the law and justice is blind almost even when we're seemingly corrupt because we are fulfilling our jobs as like, police officers and so thats how it really ends for us? for him? i feel like i need to sit down and yes i have heard this ending and his entire talk before and it made me slightly uncomfortable listening to it but i havent really paid attention to any of it i was just clearly aware that like being so lustful about a clean win is. so disgusting. but i also feel like after coming back(?)(did it exist?) to it i still havent really gotten to know how i should feel OR like if i even got any of the thing that was being said or implied. like i dont know i feel like i just have nothing going on with me that could be making me understand any of it even when the feeling is there. but ill just get a clear head and look what happened in there later like i usually am awake hours before . and im over here trying to conceptualize all my troubles in the world. it really didnt sit right with me i just got nausea from just like how unfolding everything was only to leave the most bitter fucking like. well . "Nothing" for us. after all that we've experienced?

man it was just real fun and ill probably think about it for a while and try to pick out some real fun parts of it ...

[mmunson86]

Gosh darn it Eddie Munson why are you being such a freaking stubborn ass!?! Lol not that it isnt in your nature but still sheesh let us help out we do it out of love! Lol yeah we are comfortable around Eddie if we are rolling our eyes at him😂 BB we can be stubborn to try us🙃 yup we are going to do one of these ideas so dont even think that your stubbornness is going to get you out of this one we are standing our ground MR! Gosh i love how this man is slowly giving into us like eeek! He wants us just as bad as we want him and i couldn’t be more excited!💗

Ohhh fuck Uhhh Jett honey it would never work like its nice and all and i didnt expect this at all like this hit me out of left field but yeah umm we have been hooked on Eddie the moment we saw this man outside his house, nothing against you but yeah Eddie is Eddie you cant help it the man is perfectly imperfect💗

Gosh i love all the details you have poured into what Eddie is thinking & experiencing as we are pitching ideas to him it makes my heart skip a beat because its clear as day its just taking some time but Eddie you deserve to be loved and we can do that for you🥹💗

Stop fighting the good things is right! Look Eddie know that we would never do a thing to hurt you honestly i know that you have been through hell but i can promise you that you deserve nice things you deserve a break & you are more than enough. Ohhh shoot okay i had guessed that the events he went through had something to do with the counting awee my love thats okay we got you! We dont know how to throw a hoedown either so we shall learn together🥰

It makes me smile that Donnie cares this much about Eddie & his happiness it shows that he is clearly very well loved by many! Cant wait to meet the gang💗

Woah okay Jett not freaking cool dude! Get your emotions in check my guy stop being an ass to Eddie! & Eddie my love we do not hate you trust me! Yeah Jett is being a little biiiitch sorry not sorry he is staring shit for no reason i am going to snap his neck if he doesnt stop!

Ahhh we are fucking idiots in love ISTG we are both just as stubborn and man do i want to smack the crap out of Jett thanks to him we are literally back to square one with Eddie ugh lolbit i loved this chapter & cant wait for more 💗🥹

Us & Eddie⬇️ it pains me to feel like we are back to square one after everything that happened this chapter😭🥹

Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch. 5 | Ch. 6 | Ch. 7 | Ch. 8 | Ch. 9 |

Smoke Signals

Chapter Nine - Blue Eyes

W/C: 8.4K

Eddie x Fem reader - Grumpy!Bartender!Eddie x Shy!Reader

Blue eyes never caught your attention...until they stepped into The Bourbon.

A/N: this was such a monster of a chapter to edit just because there's a lot going on...i hope y'all like it <3

Masterlist

Prev |

“Okay, well that’s not gonna work.  We can’t afford all that.” 

“What if I gather some…I dunno…donations?”  You ponder.

“Bambi, enough.”

Eddie huffs at your persistence, crossing off a few items from the list placed in front of him.  Your adorable handwriting had spelled out numerous options for fundraising ideas; something to get the bar back into a somewhat profitable margin.  He wasn’t going to lie to himself and say he wasn’t grateful for your efforts but he had proven to become more and more annoyed as your list grew throughout the week.  An impatient Jett stands next to you, rocking back and forth on his heels as he sucks in his cheeks, attempting to keep his thoughts to himself, though it was never his strong suit to remain quiet when necessary.

“Dude, just pick one!”  He blurts out.

The tiny office looked comical, three bodies crammed in a small space that would certainly run out of oxygen had the door been shut.  A displeased glare catches Jett’s attention, only offering you a shrug in response to his outburst.  You’d mentioned before even approaching Eddie for the umpteenth time this week that the key was going to be patience.  Let him come to you.  Make it seem like part of it was his idea so he doesn’t feel like you’re doing charity for him.

“No, we can’t afford to put on a…a wine tasting or a—hoedown?”  Eddie questions with furrowed brows as he underlines the words with his pointer finger.

“Eddie, if you let me–”

“I’m not letting you do anything.”  He asserts.

“Listen–”

“No.”

Eddie Munson was the most stubborn being on planet earth, that much you could attest to.  But you weren’t going to let him tackle your plans to the ground without a good fight.  

“Munson.”  Jett tries, only to be met with an inflamed scowl.

With wide eyes, you attempt to pull his attention back to you, hoping to save Jett from receiving an earful later.  “Eddie–”  

“Nope.”

“Eddie!”  You squeal, eyes squinting shut painfully as you throw a miniature tantrum.

“Bambi.”  He deadpans, leaning over his desk to stare you down.  “Leave it.”

The look that used to scare you weeks ago now only had you rolling your eyes.  He was at it again, refusing any ounce of help that was offered.  When he got like this, you could only play it up and bring out your begging eyes.  Hope for the best.  

“Jett, can you give us a minute?”  You clear your throat, an overly polite tone taking over.

“Fine.”  He sighs before leaning in to whisper.  “The hoedown…make him pick the hoedown.”

With a playful smack to his shoulder, you escort Jett out of the office–or rather you push him out and kick the door shut.  His sights were set on that hoedown ever since the two of you sat down to scrawl out a few ideas the previous week.  It was bold of him to assume that you could ‘make’ Eddie pick that option.  If you’d learned anything since moving here, it was that Eddie Munson was a force to be reckoned with.

“Alright Munson.”  You lean over his desk as he takes a seat in the squeaky office chair, you were a bit too comfortable in his space as your perfume flooded his nose.  “We are doing one of these, whether you like it or not.”

His stare should frighten you, large intimidating eyes nearly black as the patience drains from him, tongue poking the inside of his cheek as if he were contemplating a scolding remark that would force you to back off.  It only encourages you.

“Oh, we are?  I wasn’t aware we were under new management.”  He counters, seemingly deciding to choose a softer approach.

“Yes, we are.”  You bite.  “Because if not, we aren’t even a we.  There is no bar.  Will that make you happy?”  

If it seemed harsh, it still needed to be drilled into his thick skull.  

“I know that!”  Eddie raises his voice, caught up in the heat of the moment.  He didn’t allow himself a moment to think, only act.

He wishes he could punch himself for the way he made your face drop.  A hint of fear taking over your graceful features.  It wasn’t who he was—or at least that’s what he was trying to convince himself.  He didn’t yell to get his way, he was not his dad.  

“Fuck–’m sorry.  Sorry.  I didn’t mean to…get all mad and blow up on you.”  He sighs, shyly shifting his gaze toward the ground.  “I’m just…”  He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.  “I’m stressed and–that’s not an excuse, I’m just trying to–fuck I dunno.” 

“Eddie...”  Your saccharine tone pulls him out of whatever hole he was currently digging himself into.  So candied and coated in tenderness.

He doesn’t need to respond for you to continue, the look on his face telling you everything.  The wrinkles forming between his eyebrows are extra prominent, frown lines growing deeper in his anguish.  

“Let us help.”  Your words are dripping in honey.  It’s obvious that you’re buttering him up, putting on your extra sad puppy dog eyes just for him, lip puckered out extra pouty, such a pretty sight, all for him.

“We want to help.”

There’s no saying no to you, he can’t stomach it.  It was getting worse as time went on, every time he had the urge to tell you no, he couldn’t help but feel sick.  Maybe if he pulled Jett back into the equation he’d have better luck.  The kid got under his skin especially when he egged Eddie on and didn’t take a hint.  But when you’re sitting all pretty for him, your elbows propped on his desk as you stare at him like you want nothing more in the world, who is he to deny you?

“Okay.”  He exhales nervously.  “Whatya got?”

“Really?”  Your eyes twinkle, something he’d pay to see every single day, even if he was on the verge of bankruptcy.  Which he was.

“Don’t make me change my mind.”  

From just outside of the door, Jett chews on his nails, the argumentative tone of conversation just seconds ago still riddling him with anxiety.  It would do no one any favors to rile up the boss who had clearly already been under an immense amount of pressure with his inherited business crumbling around him.  Jett knew the steaks, he knew that Eddie would refuse to give up given that his grandfather had passed down everything to his only known grandson, leaving behind his legacy.  Unfortunately, it’s hard to offer help to those who refuse it.  But Jett knows that if anyone can persuade the big, bad Eddie Munson who was too stubborn for his own good, it was going to be you.

Every time you walked into the room, Jett witnessed a miserable man come to life.  Bored, tired eyes became enamored and filled to the brim with infatuation.  A bland day would instantly be cured the second you sauntered in with your tray, more often than not dropping it in the process of securing your apron around your waist.  You never learn, always opting to struggle with the tray tucked in between your arm and body while your hands fumbled with those damn strings, sending the tray straight into the floor, your pens spilling out of your apron and startling you every time as the items clanged against hardwood.  And every time, Eddie is there, watching from across the room before the inevitable happens.  Every time, he is at your feet, collecting your mess and questioning ‘got it?’ in a gentle tone that Jett doesn’t ever recall hearing before you came into the picture.  

Every time, Eddie Munson is reduced to a puddle of a man right before everyone’s eyes.  Only ever for you.

It’s infuriating. 

Jett supposes had he made his move sooner he would hold your attention like Eddie does.  He would catch your gaze from across the bar, a tiny smile gracing your lips.  The sparkle in your eyes would be for him and only for him.

Reality delivers a punishing kick and reminds him that Eddie had you from the beginning, even when he was outright rude to you.  He had your curious eyes from day one.  It wasn’t fair, Jett was so convinced at first.  It wasn’t fair that Eddie had been the biggest asshole and yet your mind seemed so made up on him, eyes never lingering on another soul as long as they did when Eddie was around. 

He was sure that he was over it, he told himself there was no chance, but something about the banter he heard muffled by the office door only stirred up every pessimistic cell in his body.  Every giggle you let out at some stupid ‘joke’ that wasn’t even funny, every fucking time Eddie called you Bambi, every time you playfully scolded him only to reel back and flatter him, all of it drove Jett nuts.  His fists were clenched at his side, knuckles threatening to split at the tension and face a raging red.

Because Eddie Munson had the very thing he desired.  And he didn’t deserve her.

–

Your negotiations intrigued Eddie, the way you had a solution for every problem he attempted to create didn’t even frustrate him anymore.  It used to aggravate him when you would offer a simple solution to a problem he deemed unsolvable.  Now it only made his pupils dilate, his breathing becoming uneven solely because he couldn’t get enough of your energy.  He thrived off of it, a different kind of high taking over him when you would voice your ideas, your eyes lighting up as he watched the gears turn in your head.  

He almost misses your offer to persuade Jett into snagging some hay bales from his family’s farm should he end up choosing the Hoedown Night from your extensive list.  Truthfully, he was lost.  Lost in swirling thoughts of the girl in front of him who nearly two months ago, he would have never given the time of day to.  And he didn’t…at first.  But now…now he would give you any time of day you wanted.  Rain or shine, day or night.  He didn’t care, he would do the impossible if it meant your face lit up like a Christmas tree every time.  He just couldn’t quite admit it to himself yet.

His lack of enthusiasm concerns you although you don’t show it as you continue ranting on about Donnie mentioning some old table cloths and picnic blankets she no longer wanted that could be used.  She even mentioned her husband having a few empty barrels out in their garage that could be great for apple bobbing.  She went as far as to ask around for different items they could use from her neighbors, already collecting an array of items they could use at their disposal.

“-and then we charge for entry.  I know it’ll probably only make a small profit but it can hold us over somewhat, right?”  

He’s thinking again.  

His bottom lip is tugged on by his teeth and his lids are heavy with that far off look.  You didn’t think your pitch was that awful in all honesty.  You would admit that Donnie’s idea of a stripper night could be taking it too far but there were so many other ideas that had such potential and if he turned every single one down, you didn’t quite have a backup plan prepared.

“Eddie?”

He blinks, twirling his pen in between his fingers as if it were a drumstick but he still remains unresponsive.  It’s not a good sign.

“I-I know it’s a lot of work and–”

“Okay.”  He breathes.

“Okay?”

Your eyes become doe-like, ironically.  You were really living up to that nickname, the one that sent goosebumps up your spine if he said it soft enough.

“Okay.”  

His agreement doesn’t feel genuine, his gaze cast somewhere far off from the tiny room.  

“Eddie.”  

Your tone goes stern.  Or at least stern enough for him to break out of his thoughts.  Within seconds, coffee colored eyes are regarding you in a way that can only be met with heated cheeks and twiddling thumbs.  He had been lost in his mind again, only returning at the mention of his name a second time through that firmness you displayed when you really cared about something.  

“Bambi.”  The word is grounding, anxieties settling where they were once fluttering around in your stomach.  You no longer worried if you had upset him in some way.  Not when his voice sounded so smooth, so satiny that it almost killed you.

That welcoming voice that felt like a tight hug echoes in your ears.  Brown sugar falling from his tongue and sweetening any further exchange of words, no matter how conflicting his mindset could be compared to yours.  As long as he kept using that tone, you would be putty in his hands.

“Um, so…we’re doing this?”  You question meekly, a contrast to the confidence you had just displayed. 

It’s quiet, though his red cheeks are louder than any words.  He’s apprehensive, his irises darting around the less than decorated room.  It’s obvious that he’s fighting an internal battle, engaged in a horrible disagreement with himself.  Harsh words are probably prodding at his brain, forcing him to be reluctant in accepting any fraction of help.  

What he doesn’t realize is that while he swears you’re staring at the biggest coward to walk the earth, you find him to be brave.  It was clear after previous nights of long talks and shared trauma, that this wasn’t easy for him.  Giving up control was the most terrifying thing he could do.  Accepting this form of help was foreign to him, people back home in Indiana never offered him such courtesy.  

So you wait.  

With a stupid amount of patience that Eddie will never understand, you soften your gaze.  All pressure is removed.  Your attention shifts to doodling some kind of a flower on the paper sitting atop the desk in between you.  You don’t await an answer from him, you only exist with him.  Nothing is required of him and somehow, you both understand that.  

He doesn’t want to be held to such requirements.  He wants you to raise your standards and he wants to meet them, exceed them.  You shouldn’t have to dull your bright personality for his shattered dignity.  He’d always been a shadow looming over those he was closest to, always a dark cloud among a sunny day reminding everyone of his detrimental existence.  

Good things did not happen to Eddie Munson.  

Not in the past, not in the present no matter how convincing life could be in coaxing him into its trap, and certainly not in the future.  Anything disguised as a saving grace would always end up being Eddie’s eternal hell.  It always has and it always will.

Either way, his fate was determined.  So why not let you take the lead?  In his eyes, it would honor him if you ruined his life and although the mere thought of you leaving him behind in the aftermath of destruction haunted him, he couldn’t help but give up his control.  

He was tired of fighting off the ‘good things’.  

Especially when he would be left to piece himself together either way.  It’s just another event he would have to endure, another lesson he wouldn’t learn from because he was too goddamn stubborn.  Another mountain he would have to climb with his bloody, bare hands.

You continue waiting, not once pestering him for confirmation.  He hates it.

He hates it, he hates it, he hates it.

You should be screaming at him, demanding an answer after his prolonged silence.  Your hands should be smacking the surface of the desk in annoyance, your eyebrows should be pinched in frustration, and they aren’t.  

There’s a comfort in the abuse.

Secretly, he begs you to lose your cool, pleads with some higher power that you snap out of it and just slap him across the face like he deserves.  He is being difficult and you aren’t reacting.  He has gone mute and you are simply okay with it.  Even in the most forgiving situations he braces for impact but you make it so hard to.  

His guard is supposed to be up, the walls are supposed to close him in and keep everything out but they’re crumbling around him, fast, exposing him.  He feels naked but you don’t stare at him with expectancy, you don’t reach out and snatch what vulnerability he has left.  

“I–”  He breaks the unforgiving silence, wincing as his voice cracks.  It’s only when you glance up at him with understanding eyes, your heart on your sleeve, that he relaxes.  

Tension still pulls at every muscle, but he breathes.  He breathes through the nausea of putting his trust into another person.  Something he swore to never do again ever since his dad dared to show his face one last time back when Eddie was in high school.  It was only the last time because he had gotten arrested, Eddie was sure he’d be stupid enough to give him several chances in hopes of fixing his deranged father.  He was only human and the six year old kid in him only wanted to see the good in people, especially his ‘pops’.

“We–we’re doing this.”  He practically demands of himself.

“Eddie we don’t have to–”

“We’re doing it.”

With glassy eyes, he nods as if he’s still convincing himself.  You can’t help but intervene.

“Seriously, I know we were coming on strong but it’s just because–”

“I know.”  

You don’t need further confirmation from him, big brown eyes doing enough of the talking as you begin to assure him he was the one calling the shots.    

“Do you?”  You ask genuinely.

Again, a part of him is pissed that you won’t just take the answer and tell him he didn’t need to be such a baby about the whole thing.  Maybe slam the door out of irritation, enough to shake the wall.  Maybe ask for a raise for all of your efforts.  People didn’t do things for him just to be nice and he was already hating himself for being so pitiful that Donnie was offering to help without any compensation.  

“Yeah.”  He whispers.

“Are you sure?”  

“Can you just–”

Eddie finds himself on the cusp of blowing up again.  Anger bubbles in the back of his throat like bile, his hands clenched into fists repeatedly as his lips trace those familiar numbers before letting anything he regrets fall from his mouth in his moment of fury.

“Can I just what?”  You question softly, hand reaching for his.

“Nothing.”  He breathes.

There’s a pause, a brief moment where he’s clearly panicked, resembling a spooked horse.  It disappears just as fast as it came, his eyes softening as he processes the situation.  You just had to go and ruin it.

“Why do you count?”  

The question spills into the air without you even thinking, your mind simply throwing it out there without fear of any consequences.  Without thinking that maybe now isn’t the time.  You regret it as his shoulders tense up, his guard up once again.  The guard you’d patiently chipped away at only to destroy any progress you’d made.

“I–”

“Sorry, sorry!  I’m sorry, I–just pretend I didn’t ask.”  You attempt to stitch the messy conversation back together.

“No, uh, I-I…”  

Stop letting her in.

You’re gonna get hurt.

You don’t expect his shoulders to untense as he sighs, you don’t anticipate how quickly his guard falls again, any hesitance he displays faltering before completely disappearing into thin air.  All that remains is sincerity, face no longer contorted in worry and eyelids drooping ever so slightly in his sudden relaxation.

“I just–I started doing it after…after everything back…back home.”  He answers before his thoughts can steer him away.  “I dunno why.”

You’re satisfied with his answer, you’d even be satisfied with no answer.  He didn’t owe you explanations and yet he kept giving them to you.  Spilling his guts out to you, practically letting them fall onto the thin, dingy carpet of the office.

“I, uh, I’ve asked my therapist about it.”  He elaborates, voice quiet and mumbled.  “She said it’s part of the PTSD.”

You didn’t expect him to reveal such a personal detail although you find yourself squeezing his hand, settling into the quiet of the bland room.  Words aren’t necessary, they never are between you.  

“I don’t even know how to throw a hoedown.”  Eddie snorts to himself, the energy shifting into something more familiar, more comfortable in the blink of an eye.

You’re willing to unpack whatever baggage he had revealed but it’s clear that he no longer is.  And that was okay.  

“Oh don’t you worry, I’m gonna get you a big bedazzled cowboy hat and everything, just let me take care of the details.”  You partially joke, deciding not to tease him over his not-so-subtle choice of Hoedown Night.

“No, nuh-uh.  Not happening.”  He protests, arms thrown up dramatically.

“C’mon, you need to look the part!”

“I don’t have to do anything.”

His smile is contained, a grin threatening to pull at his pretty lips as his thumb grazes the top of your hand.  A small gesture that nearly burns your skin.

“Well, I think you’d look cute in a cowboy hat.”  Again, your mind speaks for you without any contemplation.  

You should take it back.

You want to regret it.

You don’t.

It’s worth it when his face flushes red again, his fingers coyly pulling a curl over his face as if to hide, a sight you wanted to capture if only you had your polaroid with you.  You’d have to settle for mentally pinning this moment to the wall in your mind that was ever growing.  He doesn’t return the flirtatious banter but it doesn’t go unnoticed when he beams at you from his chair as you offer him sparkling eyes and fluttering lashes on your way out.

Two Weeks Before Thanksgiving

“Okay, Jett’s  bringing the haybales in for Friday?”

“Yep.”  Your pen glides across your messy, scribbled out checklist in a hurry.

“Did you get the apples yet?”  

“Nope, was gonna stop by Thursday so they’re fresh.”  You mumble, jotting down a few more tasks that had yet to be done.

“Alright and Nathan’s gonna have his truck all set for hay rides outside, that’s another charge right?  We can charge extra?”  Donnie questions, her scatter brain on full display.

“Yes, that would be great.”  You assure, grace in your tone.

“Alright and then, Eddie’s friends should be here on Wednesday to surprise him–”  Donnie begins to mutter.

What?”  Your eyes widen, practically bulging out of your head.

“Yeah, Steve?  And then the others–”  Realization hits Donnie like a train, her eyes nearly falling out of her skull just as yours were.  “Oh shit!  I forgot to tell you.”  She hisses.

Glancing around, she ensures the coast is clear before waving you out back.  It was a Monday, the lack of patrons allowing you to do all the planning you needed to for Knife’s Edge first ever Hoedown.  Donnie had been mapping out the place, assisting you in drawing out the layout for the event on paper.  Eddie had been managing the bar, the sluggish evening rendering him positively bored, making it a point to initiate a huge yawn every time you passed by throughout the evening.

It drove him crazy when you pretended to ignore him.

“Do you think he heard you?”  You whisper, the safety of being just around the corner not enough to convince you.

“He didn’t, that boy is nearly deaf.”  Donnie seems certain.  “God, I can’t believe I forgot to tell you.”  She throws her arms up in exasperation.

“Why didn’t you tell me!?” 

“Here’s the deal.”  Donnie pulls herself together, grabbing you by the shoulders.  “They come into town Wednesday night.  Four of them I think, I always forget their names, god it makes me feel like shit.  Anyway, they’re gonna surprise him at the bar.  They usually stay with him.”  She nearly runs out of breath in her explanation.

“Okay.”  You breathe.  

“Did I answer your questions?”

“I, uh, I think so.”  You nod.

“You cannot tell him.”  Donnie stares you down.  “They’ve never surprised him, he usually knows when they’re coming to visit.  Swear you won’t say a word.”  

Her demeanor is almost threatening although you find it sweet that she cares so much.  Eddie’s best interest had always been something she prioritized, same as you.  In your eyes he was a golden boy with a golden heart who was dealt shitty cards.  You weren’t sure if Donnie had been enlightened about any pieces of his past but you both seemed to have the same goal in mind.

His happiness.

As you continued to prepare for Friday’s events, you avoided eye contact with Eddie at all costs throughout the night, especially after you had learned about the ‘big surprise’.  You’d walk past the bar, the shaker in his hands as he prepared a drink.  He’d pause, the shaker mid air as his gaze trailed after you.  You felt awful for denying his puppy eyes but it was all for his benefit in the end.

You couldn’t lie though, holding his attention as you continued to ignore him over and over offered you an ego boost.  You’d never been looked at in such a way, you never felt so desired in your life.

–

“Have you seen the way she ignores me?”  Eddie complains, Jett only muttering nonsense in response that Eddie couldn’t decipher.

“She won’t even look at me when I talk to her!”  He almost whines.

It was getting to him, your constant neglect.  It had been a day, a whole day since you’d started avoiding his eyes, never smiling at him the way you usually did throughout your shift.  Not one little wave thrown his way.  He felt starved.  He’d never been so needy for someone’s attention, he was starting to feel like a leech.

“Dude, she’s just working.”  Jett grumbles, his hands occupied as he stacks a hay bale against the back of the building.  They’d been instructed to go out back and relocate them to make things easier come Friday night.  They’d previously been stacked near the dumpsters, a little ways away from the building and were now being hauled next to the back door for easy access.

“You don’t get it, she’s being weird.  It’s like she hates me.”  Eddie grunts as he lifts the brick of hay.

“Maybe she does.”  Jett sighs, not a single thought behind his words.

“What?”  Eddie questions, attempting to hide the panic that had begun to shock his nerves, his head snapping toward his supposed friend.

“I–I dunno.”  

“She say somethin’?”  Eddie demands, shoving the hay onto its corresponding stack as he diverts his attention to Jett fully.

Jett’s gaze only gives off that he’s hiding something, his eyes avoiding Eddie at all costs, an ongoing trend poor Eddie was beginning to find.  It only fuels a fire inside of him, embers growing angrier each moment Jett stands there dumbly.

“Did she?”  The look in Eddie’s eyes resembles that of a bear that had been poked.  Jett regrets letting his innermost thoughts fall from his lips in a moment of irritation, now he was subject to Eddie’s unforgiving inferno that was never easy to escape from.

“No.”  Jett snaps a bit too aggressively.  

“Then what?”

“I don’t know why you think she owes you attention.”

If Jett hadn’t fucked up yet, he certainly had now.  If only he could’ve kept his stupid, naive mouth shut.

“The fuck did you just say?”

Eddie’s fist clenched at his side says enough, it screams that the conversation should stop here, that Jett needs to stop egging him on but he refuses to let it end here.

“Yeah, you practically pissed on her, claiming your territory and shit.”

If looks could kill, Jett would be in for a world of pain.  Just when Eddie thinks the twerp is finally going to realize his place, he keeps going.

“She’s not your property, what if she had her sights set on someone else?  You gonna swoop in and piss on her again?”  

It feels as if someone grabbed his heart straight out of his chest and chucked it off the nearest cliff.  The blood had stopped pumping and he swears he feels his veins run cold.  He didn’t think he stood a chance with you but the thought of you becoming absolutely infatuated with Jett sickened him.  Did you really have the intention of going after Jett?  He couldn’t stomach the idea.  He might as well sell the bar and run now to save himself the heartache, the only thing he was good at.

“I–”  Eddie’s speechless, rage and sorrow clouding his vision.

“Oh, now you’re gonna shut up about–”

“I never claimed her, or pissed on her, or whatever the hell you’re saying.”  Eddie argues.

“Yes you did!  ‘Bambi’?  What kind of shit is that?”

Eddie can feel himself vibrating with anger, his blood heating up once again as he scowls.  Jett had not once expressed any interest in you and now here he was, attacking Eddie over something as stupid as a nickname.

“Go fuck yourself.”  He spits before storming inside.

No one would ever want to be on the receiving end of the absolute death glare he’d shot Jett.  It lasted seconds but some would go as far to say those seconds were torture.  Deep down Eddie knew he could punch Jett and be done with it, assert his dominance.  But that’s not what his intent was, you weren’t some prize to be won.  You had simply fallen into his life and he couldn’t help but fall in lo–

He couldn’t help but surrender to your existence.  

And now?  Now he was in his head again.  If you were going to ignore him, he was going to let you.  You didn’t owe him a thing, even after the late night talks and spilled guts of vulnerability.  Jett could have your attention for all he cares now.  Except, he does care.  And that’s what causes such an ache within him, the fact that he does care even if you don’t.

–

“Eddie, can you hand that glass to me?”  You request sweetly, tip toeing as you point toward the shelf above him.

He looks up, a wine glass tucked nicely on the top shelf within his reach but clearly outside of yours.  The frown on his face puzzles you though you keep to yourself as he garnishes a drink with orange.

“Mhm.”  He mumbles bitterly, reaching up to grab the glass and handing it to you without so much as a glance.

You should be glad, looking into his eyes would only force you to engage in conversation with him and doing so could lead you down the path of honesty.  You’d for sure give up the surprise and you only needed to last one more day, you couldn’t fuck this up.  

“You okay?”  You question, hesitantly gripping the glass in your smaller hand.

“Mhm.”  He mumbles again, sliding the cocktail across the counter to its awaiting customer.

“You sure?”  You betray yourself, attempting to catch his gaze, no longer caring that there was a chance of spoiling the surprise.

“Mhm.”  

It was the third hum in a row.  It drove you crazy, he would usually say something snarky and act like the smartass he is by now.  He’s not and it worries you.  Maybe it’s not your place to worry but you do.  

“Eddie.”  

“I’m fine.”  He huffs, chest heaving.

A warning glance has you nodding, slowly stepping away to resume your original task.  It was humbling, one day bantering and somehow falling into conversation about each other’s deepest secrets and the next being treated like a stranger.  You obey his stare, his chocolatey eyes no longer displaying any trace of affection or depth, only pure hostility.  The spark that had threatened to ignite so many times had disappeared completely, only what appeared to be ash leftover from the small fire that once burned within him.

“What’s wrong with him?”  Jett announces himself next to you, breaking down a dirty table as you go to retrieve one of The Bourbon’s most expensive bottles of wine for a snobby customer.

“I, I don’t know.”  You whisper in despair.

The rest of the night, you’re met with spiteful glares from Eddie and lingering touches from Jett.

Wednesday Night

This was it, after tonight you wouldn’t need to be so avoidant of Eddie.  You wouldn’t have to lie to his face.  It was becoming apparent however, that he had become irate.  Every second of the day.  That morning you waved to him as you got the mail and he tinkered with his truck to which he practically snarled and went right back to work.  It was like you were back to square one with him, back to when he hated you and you had disturbed his precious, quaint, little life.

It could just be that he’s in a bad mood, it was early after all and maybe his truck had given out on him again.  It was reasonable enough, it would piss you off had you been in his shoes.  You weren’t entirely sure you’d take it out on everyone but it would sour your mood.

It was hard to keep a smile on your face while he glared at you from behind the bar just as he had done the previous night.  You were trying to be the bigger person, trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.  He was just making it so difficult by purposely delivering daggers to you whenever he could.

“Hey!”  Jett greets you, emerging loudly from the kitchen.

You greet him back, a muttered ‘hi’, your eyes unable to tear themselves away from the man that seemed to suddenly hate you.  You were in no mood to be friendly anymore, not when Eddie was creating such a venomous atmosphere using only his face.

“Is everything pretty much in place for Friday?”  

“Uh huh.”  You don’t even so much as look at Jett, a head full of curls the only thing holding your attention at the moment.

“You going with anyone?”  He asks, pushing himself into your line of sight, much to your dismay.

It was as if you were trying to read Eddie’s mind from across the room and if you stared hard enough, you’d finally get through.  You had no such luck and it could potentially be because Jett kept pestering you with questions.

“I’m working.”  You state obviously, wiping down the table you had been clearing.

“Well–yeah…yeah me too.  I just—maybe after?  Once everyone’s cleared out, would you wanna…go out?” 

It takes you by surprise and for a second, you’re unsure if he’s asking you out as a friend or if he’s making a move.  As you evaluate the situation, you determine that it’s the latter with the way he shyly smiles and averts his eyes ever so slightly, his cheeks tinting a bright pink.  You’d done nothing to feed into his interest, even when you figured he was just being friendly, simply too busy working to engage in the conversation he continued to try and force.  Now it was just going to get awkward.

“I–I, Jett I’m sorry but…no, I’m not–I can’t.”  You choke out, the sheer humiliation of the situation for both parties dragging you down.

“Oh.”  Is all he says, disappointment evident in his eyes, gaze casting toward the floor as he twists a rag around in between his fingers.

“I just–we’re friends–”

“Yeah.”  He sighs bitterly, spinning on his heel to speed off toward a busy table.

There was no further conversation, he didn’t let you finish, didn’t even offer to talk privately.  It was just…done.  And now you feared you’d made an enemy simply by saying no to a date.  You were now the villain in his story.  It seemed you were becoming the villain in everyone’s story at this rate, what’s one more?

It was t-minus two hours until Eddie’s friends would be arriving to surprise him and you were already worn out.  If there was any hope of making a good impression at some point, there wasn’t a chance anymore.  They’d be met with a mess of a girl with smudged mascara and crazy hair, apron stained with melted cheese that you had leaned into earlier on one of the tables.  

They were going to hate you.

–

“Honey, what’s wrong?  You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”  Donnie ushers you toward the hallway leading to the back, only stopping just before going outside to talk in private.  

The whole night it seemed you were a brainless mess, messing up orders and forgetting in general how to do your job.  Donnie had been keeping an eye on the time, ensuring things were set up for when Eddie’s friends arrived all the while making sure he had no idea.  You’d helped set up the table for them and set aside the alcohol they liked but in all honesty you don’t even remember your entire shift.  You were right back to being a stupid girl that didn’t belong.

“I-I just–do you think Eddie is upset with me?”  Your lip wobbles pathetically.

“What!?”  Donnie gasps, as if it were the most ridiculous thing she’d ever heard.  “Why would he be mad at you?  That boy likes you better than he likes me.  Better than he likes most of us.”

That was news to you, you’d never been the favorite.  And you doubted her words, no matter how sweet they were.

“I-I dunno.  He seems–he seems really on edge and I’m just…I’m really overwhelmed and–”  You whimper, tears pricking at the corner of your eyes.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.”  She rubs your shoulder almost uncomfortably.  Physical affection was not her specialty.  “I’m gonna–I’m gonna go get him–”

“No!”

Before your protests reach her ears, she’s gone, rounding the corner straight to the bar.  You’re well aware that you should rush out the back door behind you right now, that you should just spare everyone your existence but before you can pick up your heavy feet from the ground, a mane of curls comes hurling at you, hands reaching out to grip your shoulders.  You look pathetic, tears beginning to trail down your cheeks, mascara more than likely following them, creating the most psychotic image.

“Bambi, what happened?”  He asks, sincerity creasing his forehead rather than irritation as you’d grown used to in the past day or so.

“Nothing.”  You attempt to brush past him, swallowing what pride you had left only to be firmly held in place.

“What happened.”  He demands.

Chocolatey irises refuse to look away from you, his mind made up as he pushes for an explanation.  Determination settles in his gaze, he wasn’t going to let you take the easy way out, much to your dismay.  

“It’s not like you care.”

Your words bite, pain spreading as you regard him with such fire in your eyes.  His hands remain on your shoulders, keeping you there while he continues his interrogation.  It’s all too much, everything is falling apart in a matter of seconds.  At least that’s how it feels in your mushy little brain.

“What?”  He scoffs, offense evident in his pinched eyebrows.

“You don’t need to sit here and pity me.  I’m sure you have better things to do like mad dog me all night. ”  

It’s childish, the way that you cross your arms and jut your hip out to make a statement, but you can’t help it, especially when he had been such an ass the past few days.  You’d done nothing to instigate–at least nothing you could think of and if you had, he wasn’t manning up to communicate the issue.  The ball was in his court as far as you were concerned.

“What the fuck has gotten into everyone?”  Eddie removes his hands from your shoulders to drop his arms heavily at his sides, almost as if he had given up.  You hate that you miss the tiniest bit of warmth from his hands.

“No, what the fuck has gotten into you?”  You counter meanly.

“Me!?”  He raises his voice in the slightest but it doesn’t startle you, no, it only aggravates you.

“Yeah, you!”  You match his volume.  “You’re acting like a giant baby, moping around all day!  We’re all just supposed to put up with it cause you own the place!?”  

Eddie bites his tongue…hard.  It’s useless when his stupid brain shoves his words out of his mouth, no longer a private thought that he could forget when he managed to calm down later.

“You’re the one who’s been ignoring me all week!  What, are you too busy dry humping Jett to engage in actual conversation these days?”

There are several people scattered throughout the bar but at this moment, only her and Eddie exist.  It’s not how she imagined in her daydreams.  In her daydreams they’re smiling, unable to take their eyes off each other, his eyes swallow her lovingly and his rough hands brush against her cheeks as they drink in each other’s existence.  They don’t fight, they don’t argue.  

It would be too good to be true and she knows that.  But she didn’t expect him to be like every other guy.  He wasn’t like every other guy…until now.  Until he reduced her to some other guy’s side piece the moment he disagreed with her.

“I–what?”  You breathe in disbelief.

“I didn’t mean that.”  He wishes he could turn back time and slap himself, take the words back, and apologize for his toddler-like behavior.  Real life doesn’t offer such luxuries.

“Just–”  Your words are lodged in your throat, unable to defend yourself as he pathetically dials back on his insult.

When he reaches out to place his hand on your shoulder as he had before, you wince painfully.  Because it was painful.  His touch would be enough to singe your skin except this time it would be out of malice.  You wanted nothing to do with whatever apology he was about to improvise, you just wanted him to get out of your sight so you could finish up the night, clock out and cry into your pillow at home.  

The progress you’d made with him seemed to have disintegrated like grains of sand passing through your fingers.  It was such a miniscule issue that had only become larger with each sentence exchanged, an escalating argument between immature adults who were emotionally stunted and stubborn.

“Where’s Munson!”  An unfamiliar voice calls from the front.

He ignores it, ducking his head down to catch your eyes only to be met with seething anger.  His brain was scrambling to find a solution, a quick fix to tide you over.  There wasn’t.  He made his bed and he had to lay in it.  He was in the dog house, if you even would be so kind as to provide him a dog house.  He wouldn’t blame you if you chucked him out in the freezing cold for his behavior.

“Bambi–”

“Don’t.”  You grit, pushing past him, his shoulder taking an impressive hit.

As you round the corner, it’s obvious that the four strangers lingering around the bar were Eddie’s friends.  Good.  They could be left to deal with his insufferable personality and rude comments.

“Eddie!”  One of them shouts.  He had to have been younger by a few years, maybe a college student.  His curls are tighter than Eddie’s and he has an adorable grin that you couldn’t frown at any longer as he briefly glances at you.  His attire was nerdy, some kind of polo decorated in graphics on his torso and khaki pants showcasing his unique style.  To top it off, a baseball cap with a university logo sat snugly on his head.

The others appeared to be older, their demeanor a tad more mature than the boy that had yelled for Eddie like a younger sibling.  To the right of him was a man with crazy voluminous hair, you notice how his pants fit quite tightly although it works for him.  He wore a yellow sweater that seemed so cozy, you were starting to grow jealous.  As you subtly look him over, you conclude that he has a handsome face, he was good looking, you weren’t gonna lie to yourself.  He definitely wasn’t your type but you had eyes and could admit that he was in fact cute.

To the handsome guy’s right, is a girl with striking blue eyes and freckles dotting across her face.  She sports a dirty blond bob with some messy bangs, a look that you knew would look horrendous on you but did her justice.  She wears a blue toned flannel and some blue jeans with a few tiny holes and some converse.  The grin on her face is contagious, though you really couldn’t find it in you to provide such a large smile in return, your ears still burning from your previous interaction with he who shall not be named.  

Lastly, next to flannel girl, was perhaps a supermodel?  If not she could certainly be one.  Her face was also adorned in softer freckles and her eyes were a piercing blue, but she had these brown curls that reached just the tops of her shoulders that looked so lucious and well taken care of.  Her outfit was a little bit quirky but it worked and she might as well be a trendsetter in your book.  Her skirt was plaid and pink while her sweater was lavender with several tiny flowers creating a pattern across the fabric.  She wore these boots that you’d die to have in your closet, truthfully.  

Together, as a group they were rather intimidating, especially considering you were the only individual who hadn’t met them yet.  So you idled near the bar, pretending to focus on cleaning a glass that had already been sparkling as all customers had already been served, Eddie tending to his surprise guests, leaving no room for you in the equation.

“What are you doing here?”  Eddie asks, seemingly less than happy.

Each of his friend’s faces fall, no doubt taken back by the fact that they weren’t met with an elated friend they hadn’t seen for a while, instead they were met with his wrath that was more than likely supposed to be reserved for you but happened to slip through the cracks and leak at their feet.  He didn’t have a right to be upset with you, he’s the one who took it too far.  No sympathy was spared for him in your eyes.

“To see you!”  Flannel girl exclaims, hands gesturing wildly in the air.

“Do we smell or somethin’?”  The handsome one asks playfully, a smirk displayed on his face as he pokes Eddie’s shoulder.  “What’s got you so bent outta shape?”  

Eddie sighs, visually huffing out a breath as he controls his irritation.  An apologetic expression crosses his face and you only wish he had the guts to offer you the same look moments ago.  Even if he did, it didn't fix anything.  He still practically insinuated that you had been slutting around with a coworker that you had not once even hugged.  At most, you’d awkwardly side-hugged him a few times.

“Sorry, ‘m sorry.  Just, uh, just under a lot of pressure.”  Eddie rubs the back of his neck.  “Hi, and what are you doing here?”  He asks, a tad more friendly.

“Do I get a hug?”  The younger one asks with a shit-eating grin.  You almost laugh, almost.

Eddie doesn’t hesitate, engulfing the boy in a bone-crushing hug, his palm smacking down on his back which only makes the boy grunt in protest.  Then, each of them receives a tight hug from him.

“It’s called a surprise, Munson.”  The supermodel chirps, her voice gentle and sincere.

At this, you don’t know why but you can feel your teeth grinding.  Your jaw tenses, fists balling up at your sides.  You don’t even try to pretend that you’re occupied with something, that you’re too busy to even notice the interaction.  And she notices.

“You must be Bambi.” 

You hate that she seems so kind, bright blue irises full of compassion tuning in on you.  How she knew the nickname Eddie had selected for you, you weren’t sure.  What you did know is that the name only felt right falling from his lips, no one else’s.  Politely correcting her with your actual name, you can only hope she picks up on the hint.

“Nancy Wheeler.”  She introduces herself, gingerly shaking a hand that you had extended toward her.

You could play nice.  Even as you will yourself to come down from your haze of rage, you can make nice.  These people had nothing to do with what Eddie had said minutes ago, they didn’t deserve to have your first impression of them tainted by the rotten words he spat at you.

“Steve.”  The handsome one brushes past Nancy, gracing you with warm eyes and a lopsided smile, shaking your hand gently.  You wouldn’t expect it from someone dressed so preppy.

It all becomes so overwhelming-

“I’m Robin!”  The other girl chirps in excitement, pushing Steve to the side to clasp her hand in yours.  She wore a handful of delicate rings, a contrast to the chunky ones you were used to Eddie sporting.

“Hey!”  Steve protests, offense written in every line of his face as he displays his disdain.

“Dustin Henderson!”  The younger boy shoves past both of them confidently, his hand shaking yours impressively.

“We have heard so much–”  Robin begins though she’s cut off by Steve lightly smacking a hand against her stomach.

So much personality bursts from each individual before you, not one of them the least bit shy as they continuously take over the conversation from one another.  Robin’s statement only begs the question…what have they heard?  Even further questions surface the more you think about it.  Had Eddie alerted them of your existence back when you first crashed into his peaceful life?  Maybe they’d heard all bad things, all things that painted you as some idiotic girl who cried at even the mention of a confrontation.

Among your silent panic, one question crawled to the forefront of your mind, clawing its way out of the millions of other haunting thoughts.  A question that you had no right to be asking, even if only in the solitude of your brain.

Was Nancy Eddie’s girlfriend?

~end~

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tags - @gravedigginbbydoll @ohauggieo @spicysix @lunatictardis @ali-r3n @batkin028 @mrsjellymunson @witchwolflea @emma77645 @emxxblog @eddiesxangel @angietherose @lottie-90 @sheneedsrocknroll92 @pullingattheroots @avalon-wolf @vintagehellfire @cryingglightningg @foreveranexpatsposts @winchester-angel @mmunson86 @witchwolflea @kurdtbean @micheledawn1975 @tlclick73 @erinekc @hazydespair @whenshelanded @corrodedcoffincumslut @ms1oftheboys @lma1986 @uglypastels @aysheashea

[hwangsies]

just the two of us

pairing: idol!lee minho × idol!f reader

warnings: smut as in, masturbation (f), softdom!minho (?), choking, thigh riding, somewhat denied orgasm i guess lol, swearing and bad descriptions of dancing

wc: idk maybe 2k?

enjoy <3

-

"hi guys, im on my way to the jyp building right now" you speak into the vlogging camera.

"...where i'm meeting stray kids lee know sunbaenim to study a choreography for us to perform at the upcoming awardshow" you smile into the camera, holding a thumbs up as you try to conceal your nervousness.

You know that the vlog isnt going to be released until after the show so you dont have to worry about spoiling anything.

"I'll see you guys later" you wave into the camera before handing it back to your manager who lets you know that you'll be there in about 10 minutes.

The only thing you're worried about is meeting a certain very handsome main dancer you may or may not have been biasing since his debut, which was about six months before your group had theirs.

So naturally, when your group grew big with you as their maindancer, and the organizers of the awardshow suggested that you and minho get together for a collaboration stage, you freaked.

Once you pull up to the jyp building, you can make out dispatch paparazzi and roll your eyes.

Your manager just reminds you to ignore them before getting out and opening the door for you.

Quickly you grab your bag and pull your jackets hood over your head.

They start calling your name but you and your team are quick to be inside of the building.

The nice woman behind the front desk gives your manager acsess cards as you look around to see the young camera woman on your team is already pointing the vlog camera on you so you wave into the camera.

Outside you see a crowd of fans also waving and pointing their phones at you through the large glass windows so you also wave back at them; laughing when one of them sends you a flying kiss, so you send one back.

"lets go y/n" your manager speaks to you, and you nod, waving goodbye to the fans before disappearing from their eyes as you step into an elevator.

Inside the elevator you check yourself out in the large mirror, pulling back your hood and smoothing out your hair.

"how do i look?" You ask your manager at which she grins "you look good, relax"

You sigh and nod, clearing your throat as to avoid a voice crack later.

When the elevator doors open, you see the famous dance practice rooms, that are named after big musicians on each side of the hall.

The door to the Madonna room is open and your manager leads the way.

Once you walk in you see another camera pointed at you, minho is standing in the middle of the room.

He as well has a camera pointed at him, he smiles when you lock eyes and bows.

You bow back when he walks towards you; extending his hand, you shake it.

"I'm Minho, nice to meet you" he smiles, he looks even better in person you think.

He's wearing light makeup but you can see that his skin is smooth underneath and his eyes seem even bigger and spraklier in person.

"Y/n, hi, nice to meet you" you bow again, partly to hide your blushing face.

After a minute of somewhat awkward smalltalk you hand your jacket and bag to your manager and the choreographer positions the two of you.

You had already memorized your part of the dance from the video he sent you and minho (you're assuming), now you just had to practice it together.

He makes you stretch to warm up before starting the music to see how much the two of you know of the dance.

Everything goes smoothly and the choreographer praises the both of you.

"lets go ahead and try the lift, im assuming you didnt practice that yet?" He asks.

"no" minho shakes his head, you do as well.

"okay minho, you hold her here" he takes minhos hand and places it on your waist.

"and on the inner thigh so you can spin her better" he explains, your mind starts running though.

What if he feels your inner thigh fat, or even worse, what if you sweat excessively and he slips and drops you.

Your thoughts get disrupted when minho carefully wraps his arm around you to grap onto your thigh.

"is that okay?" He asks from behind you, the little hairs on your neck rising.

"yea" you nod.

"okay, on my count" the choreographer speaks up "one, two..three and up!"

You tense your body when you feel him lifting you, your arms raise on their own accord, legs stiffening to create an aesthetic sillouette.

"very nice" the choreographer claps after minho lets you back down.

"lets take a break" one of the jyp staff members announces.

"you were great" you feel minhos hand graze your arm, your head whips around.

"oh, thank you" you smile sheepishly "so were you" earning a grin from him.

"thanks" he nods, grabbing a bottle of water before giving you one as well.

"thanks" you say, opening it and taking a few sips.

He watches you for a second before doing the same.

"hey, you guys" a young jyp staff woman comes up to you "we're gonna do a little sit down q&a moment, to give the fans some more interaction alright?" she explains, leading you guys to sitdown on the large sofa in the back of the room.

She moves back behind the cameras "so we're gonna be really casual okay? Im gonna throw in some questions and you just answer them"

You and minho nod, looking at each other before looking back at her.

"okay, so have you ever met before?"

"uh- well" you look at minho, he nods, encouraging you to talk "we've seen eachother at music shows, when we were with our members but we never talked" you say.

Minho nods.

"What did you think when you heard of this collaboration?"

Minho starts "i was excited because i think y/n has great stage presence and is a very talented dancer, so i think i could learn a thing or two from her"

"oh, thank you" you huff, surpressing a giggle as you bow slightly.

"What about you, y/n?"

"Uhm- well i was a little scared to be honest because he's really talented himself" you look over at him, so see he's smiling onto the ground "but also because i've been a fan of his since skz debuted so..."

"really?"

-

After coming back to the dorm and your members pressing you for every detail of what it was like to meet him and dance with him, you hop straight in the shower.

The warm water prickles at your face before you turn around, letting it run down your back.

You cant stop thinking about the feeling of his hands on your body, they were so strong and warm.

Or the one part of the chorepgraphy where you grind back into him and feel his muscular thighs flexed against the back of your own.

Not to mention his pretty smile and plump rosy lips, you would bet everything that he's a phenomenal kisser.

Your hand is trailing down your body as you imagine it was his, gently running over your mound before dipping into your folds.

A whimper slips past your lips out of frustration, its been way to long since someone had his way with you.

The idol life doesnt always leave time for that, but you can imagine what it would be like if you let minho have his way with you.

Your fingers start rubbing cirlces into your clit as you imagine him being the one to do it to you; kissing down your neck with his plump lips before toying at your nipples with his tongue.

You feel the way your belly tightens when you tink about how he would talk dirty; you dont know what would turn you on more, him calling you a good girl or a filthy little slut.

Would he let you cum right now or drag it out so your could cum around his cock? Damn you bet he has a gorgeous cock, everything on that man has got to be perfect.

And the way his dancer hips would snap into you would definetly be the thing to push you over the edge.

Your head rolls back and you bite your lip as to not let out a sound when your orgasm finally hits.

Your legs quiver a little when you ride out your high.

It wasnt the most earthshattering orgasm you've ever experienced but it did its job in satisfying you a little.

Clean and dry again, you let yourself fall onto your bed, sighing before you climb underneath your sheets.

Grabbing your phone from your nighstand, you see a message from an unknown number pop up.

unknown number : hey y/n -received at 9:56 pm

unknown number : its minho :) -received at 9:57 pm

Your heart skips a beat when the second one pops up, slowly you slide the message and land in the chat.

Whats a cool way to say hi back? hey?....no

sup? oh hell no

hiii....definetly not.

you: hi :) -sent at 9:58 pm

Good one, y/n.

you: how did you get my number? -sent at 9:58 pm

minho : my manager pulled a few strings lol, how are u? -received at 10:00 pm

you : im fine, a little tired ,hbu? -sent at 10:00 pm

Shit, yea go ahed y/n be the driest texter in the world no biggie, its not like this is lee minho.

minho: aww practice was to hard? lol im feeling fine -received at 10:01 pm

minho: jkjk lol the real reason im texting you is to ask if you want to meet up again -received at 10:02

Excuse me?

minho: yk, to practice but without all the cameras and people -received at 10:02

Okay, y/n calm down, dont answer yet. Dont make him think you're desperate to meet him again even though you are.

you: yea, sure. when are you free? -sent at 10:05

Very chill, nice job.

minho: im actually off the day after tomorrow, hbu? -received at 10:06 pm

you: i can make that work in the evening -sent at 10:06 pm

And there goes not looking desperate.

minho: nice, meet me here around 6 then? -received at 10:08 pm

minho has shared a location

minho: its an old dance studio, i know the owner :) -recieved at 10:08 pm

you: alright, see you then :) -sent at 10:09 pm

minho: good night y/n :) -sent at 10:09 pm

Do you send a good night back?...no, that would be too much...right?

You sigh and drop your phone next to you on your bed, your fists rubbing at your eyes.

There is no way you'll be able to sleep the next two nights.

-

It has been getting warmer recently, so you are surprised when the weather turns its back on you and suddenly blows icy wind against your face.

And you thought you had chosen wisely when only putting on a hoodie over your shirt.

You check your phone to see that you arrived at minhos sent location, yet there is no dance studio in sight.

Shivering, you turn around to search for signs on doors when you hear the door behind you opening.

"hey, in here" minho grins when you stumble around.

You look up at the building and look down at him.

"hi" you smile, somewhaþ confusedly.

"come in" he holds the door open for you.

"this building looks like its gonna get torn down soon" you say, still shivering a little as you look at minho, who's only sporting grey sweatpants and a black tshirt.

"it is" minho nods, looking around "sadly, i love coming here" he adds before looking back at you.

"still cold?" he asks, approaching you before rubbing over your arms with his hands.

"ye-huh" you interrupt yourself, gulping harshly when his cologne creeps up your nose.

He grins "better?" You nod, forcing a smile "yea, thanks"

An hour later, you are deeply immersed in the dance when you stumble at the same spot again, for the nth time.

"fuck" you aggrevatedly run your hand through your hair, angry at yourself for not getting this turn down the way it should look.

"I'm sorry, im usually not this bad i j-"

"you're not bad y/n" minho giggles, shaking his head "its alright, sometimes a move just doesnt work at first"

You huff out some air "im just nervous" you shake your head "i've never done a stage like this and i dont want to disappoint people"

"its normal to be nervous" minho stops the music before coming up behind you "just dont let it overpower the fun part"

He moves some hair from your shoulder "plus its just the two of us right now, and you cant disappoint me" he smiles softly, heat rushing to your cheeks.

"try positioning your hips..." he places his hands on your hips before gently rotating them to the left "... more like this before turning" he explains ,eyes locking in the mirror.

For a second, the only thing you can hear is your own heartbeat as his hands move up a little and linger on the exposed skin of your waist.

"okay" you breathe "lets try it from the top"

"yea?"

"yea" you nod.

The music starts again and your body takes over for you, you kick and jump and turn.

Minho lifts you like its nothing and before you know it, you do the turn exactly like you're supposed to.

The music stops and your breathing fills the silence before the euphoria of getting every single step down perfectly reaches your brain.

You squeal excitedly and clap before falling into minhos arms.

He stiffens at your touch and you immediately let go "i- i'm sorry- i dont know why-"

Suddenly, he lounges forwards and presses his plush lips against yours.

It takes you a second to register whats happening, but when his hands encase your waist, you sling your arms around his neck to pull him even closer.

An approving moan tears from minhos throat before he backs you up untill you feel the cold mirror pressed against your back.

You part your lips and let his tongue roll against yours , his hands roaming over your body.

Everything his happening so fast you cant track where they're going, first they're at your ass then one of them squeezes at your boob; and now it trails up your neck and wraps itself around it as he kisses down the other side.

You feel like your nerve endings are on fire everywhere his hands and lips wander, your eyes fluttering shut as you moan out his name.

He nips at your collarbone before coming back to your lips "i've wanted to do this since the second i saw you" his hand around your neck tightens protectively and you feel yourself clench.

"me too" you whisper before he crashes his lips to yours again, your hand tightening in his thick brown hair as the other clings to his shoulder.

A firm thigh lodges itself between your legs and you feel brave so you roll your hips into it. The ache thats building up in your clit, getting released a little.

Shamelessly you whimper against his lips.

He sucks your bottom lip inbetween his before breaking the kiss again, looking down at your ministrations.

"dirty girl" he grins, releasing your neck and placing both hands on your hips and helping you grind against his thigh.

Your head falls back against the mirror when the fabric of your cotton thong gets rubbed against your clit in just the right way. An almost pornographic moan leaves your lips, "fuck" you whine, locking eyes with minho again.

"god i wanna do so many bad things to you" he grunts, at which you swear you gushed a little more into your panties.

You see his cock straining through the flattering grey sweat material, your hand wandering towards it but he catches it.

"cum on my thigh and you'll get it" he promises, grinning when another high pitched moan spills from your pretty lips.

A sudden loud ringing makes you flinch, and minhos head whips around before removing himself from you.

"wha-?" you mumble confusedly.

He takes his phone and answers the incoming call.

"Hi, hyung" he speaks, turning around "i went for a run, yea-sorry...yea okay...okay bye" he hangs up.

"Who-?" you attempt to speak but your mind is still fuzzy as he throws his backpack over his shoulder and grabs his sweater before coming back to you.

"My manager" he says, taking your hand "i have to go"

"Oh-"

"I'm sorry" he kisses your lips "you want me to take you to your dorm?"

"No- no i dont want you to get in trouble" you shake your head.

"Sure?" He tilts his head.

"Yea, of course, im good" you nod, a smile tugging at your lips because he looks really cute with his messed up hair and puffy lips.

"Here" he gives you his sweater "im sure its colder now"

"you'll get cold though" you hold it up.

"nah, i'm hot blooded" he quips, leaning down to lock lips again.

More lingering this time, you feel you stomach churn with butterflies when he moves to your cheek.

"i'm not finished with you" he whispers into your ear, winking before walking out the door.

-

a/n: ik im supposed to be writing zephyr but this popped in my head and wrote itself so easily i was like👁👄👁 anyways hope u liked it🥰 not proofread so i just know there are thousands of spelling errors in there😍😍

[harrywritingsbyme]

Insecure

Based Off Of This Ask 

And This One Too

A/N: I had a MASSIVE brain fart once I finally started writing so i hope this one doesn’t suck...enjoy🙃

Like every other person in this world, Harry too had his moments of heightened insecurity. Even though he absolutely loved having a bit of an age gap in between the two of you, being with a younger woman tended to bring light to some of the inevitable aspects of getting older. He was as far as he could possibly be with the majority of the those things, but the main one that stuck out to Harry the most though was his graying hair. It started off with a couple of sporadic hairs throughout the thick and luscious patch of curls that covered his entire head. But after a while, and a short one at that, the gray began to invade his entire head. Now his hair was still the same in terms of being thick curly and luscious, it just changed a different color. At least, that’s the way you looked at it. Harry on the other hand took this as him getting so old that he was unattractive and ultimately undatable to you. Which was not the case at all. He considered having chocolate brown curls as an indicator of youth and now that he no longer had it, Harry tended to get a bit downhearted and insecure when he took a look into the mirror just to be met with a head of gray hair. 

But luckily for him, he had the best cheerleader in the entire world. You. 

Now you weren’t doing cartwheels and backflips. But you were spreading your legs for him at any given moment. When you first saw Harry’s gray hair, you were floored. You were literally trying to figure out how someone managed to get hotter as the got older. To you, he was the epitome of aging like fine wine. The dark gray with the perfectly placed patches of lighter more silver hair fit him perfectly. You couldn’t believe how good he looked. And you made sure to tell him that. Even before you were able to fully see that he was a bit insecure about the new hair color, you were constantly doting on him and gushing over how good he looked. You were all over him to say the least. He looked so good that you went as far as to consider skipping a little bit ahead to the baby making so that he could be a dilf. For you, the gray hair was magical. Him being older, mature, hot, and a great person was good enough for you, you’d already gotten your icing on the cake. But the gray was like an extra layer of icing plus sprinkles. And even if you weren’t an excessive fan of the color like you were, you loved Harry. Harry meant everything to you. So brown hair or not, he was still the man you fell in love with and will continue falling deeper and deeper in love with. But despite your continued, love and arousal filled efforts, Harry’s insecurity still lingered inside of him and tended to pop up from time to time. 

And today just so happened to be one of those days. 

After a mutual showering of cuddles, kisses, and amazing morning sex of course, it was time to get up. And per usual, Harry was the first one to pull back the covers and actually embrace the day ahead of him while you nuzzled yourself down into the covers and waited for him to drag you out of the bed. It was you guys’ morning routine at this point. Normally after about a couple minuets of using the bathroom and brushing his teeth, Harry’d come back into the bedroom to pull you out of bed so that you too could get started on the day. But those couple minuets ran a much longer this morning, and after a while you started to get concerned at the complete silence that was now consuming both rooms. So despite the fact that you were perfectly comfortable with being burrowed under the covers with Harry’s warm cum deep inside your tummy, you  pull yourself out of the bed and you waddle over and into the bathroom to check in on Harry.

“What’s wrong baby?” You ask him softly once fully in the bathroom. You could see him staring intently at the mirror with a bit of a downcast look on his face. When he doesnt’ reply, you simply move behind him and wrap your arms around his midsection, holding his larger body in your arms. 

“Think I might dye it.” Harry huffs, finally speaking to you about what’s made him so glum.

“You’re gonna what?!” You were completely shocked by this newfound information. And even though you were all for doing what makes you happy, you couldn’t let Harry do this. Without saying another word to him, you unwrap yourself from him and you move around so that you’re in front. You then push yourself in-between him and the counter before hoisting yourself up to be right in his face. “Now why on earth would you ever think about doing that baby?” You coo, bringing your hands up to cup his cheeks.

“Just don’t want t’look old. Plus I don’t want anything to be weird for you.” He replies, trying to articulate why exactly he wants to dye his gray locks. 

“Harry, you do not look old. And nothing is weird for me. If you think that people consider you, my delicious boyfriend, to be old and decrepit…you’re sadly mistaken!” You firmly reassure him. It was time for you to assume your role as cheerleader and become Harry’s “hypewoman” so that he can regain that confidence and own every last strand of gray hair on his head.

“S’just-“ 

“No, you listen me. You are the hottest, sexiest, most delicious man I’ve ever laid eyes on. And the gray hair intensifies that by a million.” You begin, passionately laying out all the facts for him to understand.

“Really?” He whispers doubtfully, bringing his hands up to place his hands over yours.

“Yes! You are the sexiest. Like you’re older than me, and so mature while still being incredibly sexy. It makes me so wet and needy for you.” You sigh dreamily, lifting your legs up and around his legs to tug him closer between your spread legs. “Just looking at you right now makes my mouth and pussy water baby.” You continue on. Right now, Harry was getting a major ego and confidence boost from you. He knew that you felt like this, but hearing you say it right now in this moment was hitting him on a completely different level. Not only was he starting to feel better, he was also starting to get aroused from your words. 

“Really baby? Didn’t know you liked it this much.” He replies, removing his hands from yours and bringing them down to your thighs so that he can pull you closer to the edge. 

“You’re so hot daddy.” You whisper finally, before pulling his face down so that you could smear your lips against his. And once you do, Harry’s mind is instantly in a million pieces. Like he was starting to feel a little buzz circulating through his body as you spoke. But now that he was feeling you on him, the was not only buzzing, he was on fire. As you kiss, Harry submits to  you and allows for you to pull the reigns on this one. You were on a mission to make him feel hot and confident, so if you needed to be kinda sorta aggressive and strong, so be it. Your hands had made their way up and into his hair, your legs were wrapped around him, and his hands were moving back and forth between your hips and thighs; Everything was perfect. After giving him a good makeout for a couple more minuets, you decide to throw in one last thing that would bring him back up to his normal and pretty confident self. 

“And I think that you’re especially hot when you’re between my legs eating my pussy. I love pulling on these gray curls.” You hum against his lips. 

Right now, Harry felt like he could fly. His confidence was back and he was ready to put his sexiness to use and be especially hot like you said. And the way to do that is to bury his head between your thighs and get a taste of your undoubtedly delicious cunt. When he hears the words leave your mouth, Harry wastes no time springing into action. He pulls you closer to the edge and hoists you up into his arms before making a dash back into the bedroom. Since you were clinging onto him, as he crawled back onto the bed you were right below him still moaning against his lips as the you both moved in Harry with each other. He then lifts himself up a bit from you, spreading your legs apart and breaking the kiss. 

“Now are you back to being the cocky little shit that I know and love?” You ask playfully, looking up to him in hopes of getting a yes answer.

“Mhm.” Harry mumbles through a chuckle. 

“And are you going to eat my pussy now because I feel like we’re on that track?” You question further. 

“Mhm.” Harry mumbles again in response, slowly inching his way lower and lower towards the area between your legs. 

“Yay.” You sigh happily, dropping your head down against the bed to relax and just enjoy  the ride. 

Once Harry is fully down between your legs, he only spends a second admiring your messy pussy before diving in. His mouth is open wide as he covers most of your sticky mound and begins to lap his tongue up and down your folds. And as he did this, he’d push his tongue in so that he could really go in and fully lick into you. He also swirled and sucked on the most sensitive parts of your cunt. He knows your body inside and out so when it came to really pushing his tongue up down and inside your pussy, you had no doubts that Harry was going to really give it to you. As he does, your hands are stationed in his hair as he pleasures you. You manage keep a bit of a tight grip on him, trying your hardest to keep him as close as possible to you. You just wanted his mouth and hands all over you and you never wanted it to end. 

While you were moaning your little heart out and calling out to daddy from how good it felt, Harry couldn’t have been better. He was throughly enjoying having his mouth on your cum filled pussy. He could taste a pleasant and delicious mixture of the two of you. It was so good that you could feel him sucking on your pussy to pull every last drop out, and he instructed you to push it out. He even moaned loudly against you, causing the vibrations to go right through your sensitive clit.

“Fuck daddy! Feel so good!” You out loudly to him. To get even deeper, Harry uses his hands that were scratching at and pinching your thighs to pull your cunt apart. This way, he was able to really eat you and push you to your release even quicker.  When you feel his tongue prodding at your entrance you almost lose it. You’re squirming against the bed as he pushes his tongue against your hole. 

“Like it when daddy eats this pretty cunt babydoll?” Harry asks, lifting his mouth up from you. 

“So much daddy!” You whimper, feeling one of his fingers vigorously circling your clit.

“Daddy loves eating your precious cunt too.” He replies matter of factory before spitting right down onto you and moving to lick into you again. 

As he continues on, you can feel your release getting closer and closer. Your stomach is tight and warm, and you can feel a bit of pressure down there. Your hands get even tighter in Harry’s hair as your release gets even closer. 

“M’gonna cum daddy!” You whine out to him. When you say this, you let him know to amp it up a bit. So he moves his mouth up so suck on your swollen little clit, and pushes two fingers into you. He then begins to quickly fuck them in and out of you. As he moves them, Harry also curls them up into you so that he’s hitting your sweet spot as much as possible since he’s using his fingers this time. As his sucks on your clit get harder and his fingers become faster, your release is fast approaching and you can feel yourself beginning to slip right off the edge. “Fuck!” You cry out to him, not being able to hold it any longer and slipping right over into your release. When you feel your orgasm wash over your entire being, your body immediately relaxes and practically melts into the bed. It feels so good. And because you were with an older experienced man, you were able to feel this and more on a very regular basis. Once you’ve come down from your high a little and you’ve caught your breath, you turn your attention to Harry to do one final check in. 

“Now are you feeling better baby?” You ask, moving you hand to the side of his face. 

“Yeah, thanks baby. I love you.” Harry replies sweetly, keeping his head on your thigh and giving the other a squeeze. 

“I love you too babe.” You reply happily.

“Get ready for a round 3 in the shower.” Harry announces, already getting geared for another pleasure filled round. 

Even though Harry was the older one, you were the one getting worn out.

Masterlist

[poems-of-a-lover]

WE'RE BACK BABY. I NEED TO FINISH THIS MOVIE KJAHGKJAHGKJSHLGK

alright peters. breaking in. to connors house. KJHGKJSHGKSJ house? office? office.

OH SHIT HI CONNORS jumpscare

also peters school uses tracks which i dont understand but its whatever

peters asking about lizards and reptiles which isnt obvious at all

this conversation is so. like curt is not hiding anything very well right now. and peters just not saying like anything so he doesn't lead onto anything. smart guy

police timeeee peters now at the station to talk to mr stacy

hes trying to convince this man that this scientist is changing himself into a giant lizard which is the truth cmon it sounds completely bonkers when u hear it

the way he says "he lost one arm and hes trying to grow it back" is the EXACT SAME DELIVERY STYLE as when harry says "you submitted designs for the grid and now you want them back" in the second film and it was completely unintentional and just how they read the lines or something but i make the connection every time i watch these bc theyre so similar and it makes me sad anyway back to the plot

even tho mr stacy acts like he doesnt believe peter he still runs a background check on connors just to be sure and i think thats such a good call sakjfhsjk

WHY IS CURT WORKING IN THE SEWER i know why but its just hilarious still

okay peters in the sewer to catch this lizard guy and hes in this weird intersection thing of the paths and he shot webs into each of the pipes to feel vibrations of each one and now hes chilling in the middle of his web playing bubble blaster jksdhfkjsdf me fr

TINY LIZARDS TINY LIZARDS

ive always wanted to at least like hold a gecko or something NOT THE POINT PETERS BEING KILLED BUT STILL

owwww he just sliced peters chest i have such a low pain tolerance id be sobbing my eyes out dude

peter getting beat to shit then just falling in thru gwens window is so real

this scene is EXACTLY what i mean when i say men covered in blood are attractive. i wanna look like him.

CAPTAIN STACY IS A GOOD DAD AND ILL SAY THIS FOR THE REST OF MY DAYS

"easy, bug boy" "what did you call me?" THEYRE SOOOOO

peters just. argh. the man u are, andrew garfield. he was honestly probably my gay awakening bc jesus christ

oh yeah peter says he created lizard but. all he did was give him the equation bc he thought that he was helping a man grow his arm back. agh.

"its what my father had been working on secretly. now i know why he kept it a secret. JUST U WAIT MR PARKER

okay theyre out on their date i love petergwen

ANYWAY. CONNORS IS GOING INSANE. AND HE KNOWS WHO PETER IS.

"would you give it all up after all you know you can do?" if i had a nickel for every spiderman villain who heard voices in their head encouraging them to do what they do. jesus.

oh yeah. connors shows up to the high school. to kill peter. lovely plan my guy.

peters plan to get him to stop is the whole "look into my eyes doc this isnt u ur better than this" and it is NOT working peter pls just hit the man

GWEN LEAVE GIRLYPOP WHAT ARE U D O I N G

nvm peter throws her out the window shes fine =]

like shes swinging on a web out there still so shes fine but he still threw her out the window

THIS STAN LEE CAMEO IS SO GOOD hes there in the library with headphones on and all we hear is classical music while lizard and peter fight to the death behind him

connors is goneee off he goes back to oscorp

that one shot of flash sitting outside the school alone while everyone else is being tended to makes me so sad

PETER FOUND CONNORS LITTLE SEWER LAB this can only go well

again. if i had a nickel for every time peter found a secret video diary from a man he looked up to explaining their secret works. id have two nickels. (one as of where we are chronologicaly but still. two.)

connors is at oscorp lets see how this goes

okay yeah so essentially he made this formula into a gas that hes gonna spread over the city to turn everyone in nyc into giant lizards

peter says mother hubbard and i love him for this

AND THE POLICE ARE STILL AFTER PETER. LEAVE HIM BE.

like they shot him with a tazer gun and theyre gonna arrest him this is so stupid

but guess what. skjfhksjh peter reveals himself to mr stacy and tells him that gwens at oscorp so he'll let him go (which she is i just forgot to mention that part)

AM I GONNA BE ABLE TO FINISH THIS FILM IN THIS POST. PLEASE.

oh yeah peter still gets shot in the leg either way love that

the fact that connors doesnt attack gwen or anything when shes right there is so interesting. like he just leaves her.

OH OH the guy whose kid was the boy peter saved on the bridge? he works in construction and him and his buddies use cranes to help peter get to oscorp bc hes injured its so incredibly sweet

gwen is so worried about peter that shes like almost in tears telling her dad to make sure hes safe they mean so much to me

okay peter and lizard are fighting. again. its been such a busy day for these two.

not much to say rlly its another fight scene and peters trying to put the antidote into the gas machine thing and lizards trying to stop him

"poor peter parker. no mother, no father, no uncle. all alone." "[INCREDIBLY LOUD GUN COCKING IN THE BACKGROUND FROM MR STACY] hes not alone!"

so yeah mr stacys stabbed but peter gets the antidote in the machine in like the last second so everythings fine

lizards back to being human so thats chill, everyones back to normal, all that stuff shfjksdf again not much to say

stacys dying forgot about him for like a split second sjdhfs theres no way hes getting out of this

"you're gonna make enemies. people will get hurt. sometimes, people closest to you. so i want you to promise me something, okay? leave. gwen. out of it." so guess if peter does that .

AND PETER. PETER DIDNT GET THE CHANCE TO PROMISE IT. BC HE DIED TOO FAST FOR PETER TO RESPOND. SO HE JUST SCREAMS. AGHKSJGHKJHG.

yippee everyones back to normal! also peter gets home. after a citywide evacuation and a monster attack. walks up to may without a word. and hands her a carton of eggs. bc he forgot to get them last time. then just melts into her arms and hugs her like shes all hes got. these two.

he also doesnt publicly go to mr stacys funeral bc he was told to stay away from gwen so he hides on top of a building to watch instead

FLASH WAS AT THE FUNERAL gwen shows up to peters house to ask why he didnt come and he just says that he cant do it. he cant see her anymore. doesnt say why doesnt explain anything doesnt say sorry. just pushes her away completely. bc thats easiest. and then she just "he made you promise, didnt he? to stay away from me? so that id be safe?" no response. she just leaves.

"what a pretty girl." "yeah, thats what uncle ben said." I LOOOOVE HIM AND MAY DUDE

ugh this conversation makes me sooooo emotional

"im just no good for her." "peter parker, if theres one thing you are, its good. and anyone who has a problem with that can talk to me." YESSSS QUEEN I LOVE HER

I FORGOT ABOUT THE GOD DAMN VOICEMAIL FROM BEN FUCKING CHRIST

my senior quote came from this, its "you owe the world your gifts, you just have to figure out how to use them"

PETER AND FLASH ARE FRIENDS NOWWW JSHKJGHSKGJ THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO ME

"dont make promises you cant keep, mr parker" "yeah, but those are the best kind" YIPPEE HIM AND GWEN ARE GONNA BE FINE

END OF THE MOVIEEEEEE WE DID IT. ON TO. MY FAVORITE FILM IN THE WORLD IM SO EXCITED AJKGHKJADHGKLJHALGKHALGJ

nick watches spiderman (cont.)

im gonna make another post bc i have a feeling im close to hitting the text limit on my other one but we're still on the first movie!! im gonna try and get thru this movie soon bc i HAVE to get to the second ones before my demons get me

okay where we are rn ben just died and peters in his evil era tryin to find the guy who did it

like hes just goin up to random dudes and beating them up bc he thinks its The Guy when its not

and every time i watch this movie i forget if they find him or if the plot point is abandoned bc peter has bigger problems by then KJGSHLKGJHSKH guess we'll remember together

peter falls thru a roof and these guys just let him go. like they leave him there. to be fair what were they supposed to do but still.

this is where we get the inspo to make a suit!! he sees a wrestling poster and is like "that could be me =D"

agh i wanna look like him so BAD bro i wish that were me

shoutout to him STEALING FROM OSCORP to make his web fluid thats so funny

this handstand moment is apparently judged by a lot of fans as him becoming spiderman but theyre SO wrong that doesnt happen until later in the film in my opinion

like thats just my opinion but other ppl can be wrong ig /lh

also how did he get this police radio. how do any of the spidermans get their radios. did they take them from officers. can u buy them. whats goin on here.

omggggg its captain stacyyyyy he'll be important later

like. incredibly important. GKJHSGKJSHGKJ we'll get to him in a minute.

"spandex.....spandex.......everything.......spandex......" i love peter so much

HE'S MAKIN THE SUITTTTT HES GOT THE SUIT NOW!!!!! THE SUIT OF ALL TIME!!!!!!!!!

i love this suit sooooo much its so textured and i love the logo its so fun

this car thief scene is rlly the scene of all time i love it

so many good peter lines from this scene

"seriously? u rlly think im a cop? a cop in a skin tight red and blue suit? yknow, u have got the mind of a true scholar, sir" PETER PLEASE BE NORMAL

this head tilt. the peter head tilt. in this context its kinda menacing but hes so me coded bc i also do the head tilt thing KHGSKJDHGKJ

the first time i saw this scene and for a while after i thought he told the cop "i just TOOK 80% of ur job" after he took the gun but he actually says "i just DID 80% of ur job" bc he webbed the criminal and i was so disappointed bc i rlly thought he was making a solid dig at the police force but hes just being petty KJGHSKJGHKSJ

ugh him talking to may here makes me sooooo sad. "u dont have to wait up for me, yknow" "yes i do" SHE LOVES HER NEPHEW PLEASEEEE

shes so worried for her nephew. seeing him hurt just destroys her. this boy is all she has. she lost her husband, her brother, her sister in law, and seeing her nephew come home at god knows what time just beat up and wounded must be so heartwrenching and she cant do anything bc he wont talk to her. i love tasm may shes so interesting.

"aunt may please, please go to sleep." "i cant sleep! dont u understand? i cant sleep! peter, listen to me. secrets have a cost, theyre not for free. not now, not ever." SOOOOO TRUE QUEEN. I SENSE A THEME.

AND THEN HE JUST WALKS OFF. LEAVES HER THERE. AJHGJSKGJAGFSJHF

oh yeah they're pushing curt to start human trials when they cure isnt ready, oscorp is so incredibly corrupt and its done so well in both films

"people die. even norman osborn." AKJGHKJSAGH SOOOOOO TRUE. YES. I HATE NORMAN SO MUCH.

also sorry for just quoting this movie so much it has so many good lines that i could talk about for the rest of my life

oh yeahhhhh this guy wants to start human trials??? at the veterans hospital?????

ugh theyre talking about plot that we dont learn until like the second film so its not important yet but its such a cool thing later on

PETER AND GWENNNNN I LOVE THEM

she really cares about him and it makes me so happy

shes inviting him to dinner!!!! with her family!!!!! its a family hes never met eating a meal hes never heard of but still its with the girl he really likes so hes gonna just deal with it and show up anyway

ugh normans doing things /neg

hes doing human trials. on himself. lets see how this goes HGKJSDHGKJL

oh hi peter. dinner date time.

he brought gwens mother flowers???? KWHGKSJGHSKJHGK theyre a little messed up bc they were in his bag while he was swinging but still!!! he brought flowers for this girls mom hes so sweet

"you must be peter" "dad this is. peter." thank u gwen

oh yeah i failed to mention that the captain of the police department is gwens dad if u didnt catch that from his last name

curt has his arm back!!! the cure worked!!!! hoping and praying that nothing bad happens and he just gets to live a normal life and be happy from now on

he has to go catch the one guy that i forgot the name of (edit its dr ratha) from going to the veteran hospital but the cure is backfiring so hes like. goin thru it. lizard moment.

anyway peter cant cut fish corrcctly

hes never had a fancy meal like this!! hes a little dumb!!!

uh ohhhh theyre talking about spidermannnnn yikes

this is what it feels like to talk politics with relatives

"if i wanted the car thief off the street, he wouldve been off the street" "so why wasnt he then?" PETER. CHILL. UR TRYING TO DATE HIS DAUGHTER PLS BE NICE

"its called strategy, im sure ur aware of the term strategy? maybe u learned about that in school?" MR STACY U ARE ALSO NOT HELPINGGGG

"i think he stands for what u stand for, sir. protecting innocent people from bad guys." banger line right there skajfhksjd

peter still apologized and said that he didnt mean to insult mr stacy but still ksajdfhkjsd cmon peter be nice

BIG PLOT HOLE HERE. peter webs gwen and pulls her closer and she goes "youre spiderman?" before he kisses her. HE HASNT GOTTEN THAT NAME YET. NO ONES CALLING HIM SPIDERMAN YET. WHERE DID SHE GET THAT.

ugh it gets me every time like where did that come frommmm

peter pulling away completely and turning around when her mother catches them is so funny hes trying to be respectful

uh oh crime time

HE JUST JUMPS OFF THE ROOF. BYE.

so yeah curt connors is now a giant lizard monster thing trying to find dr ratha and?? kill him???? okay yeah kill him he just threw his car off the bridge

peter has this moment of either going after lizard or helping save this mans son and he goes to save the kid and i love peter so much

hes also very very good with kids. he convinces this little boy that his mask has special powers to help the kid get out of the car safe and its so sweet

like this kid is terrified and honestly so is peter but hes staying calm and convincing this kid that this mask will make him stronger so he can save him. THIS is the moment i was talking about. this is when peter becomes spiderman.

the moment he gave that kid back to his father alive and safe is when he became a superhero. thats also when he coins the name. but this exact moment is what made him into the actual hero rather than just having the name. he gets home and he stares at his mask bc now he knows he has an immense responsibility to save peoples lives and keep them safe.

i love this movie

oh yeah mr stacy issued an arrest warrant for spiderman after the bridge attack thats so silly of him.

more petergwen lets goooo

"does it scare you? what you can do?" "no." "...youve got to lay low." "no, cant do that." "youve got to. i mean, why?" "because of last night. those people on the bridge. whatever was attacking them wouldve killed them. so i gotta go after it." "thats not your job." "maybe it is." SUCHHHHH A GOOD CONVERSATION. UGH.

OKAY IM GONNA. LEAVE THIS ONE HERE. ive finally got motivation so im gonna keep it going in a reblog like right away but im gonna stop this post here before it gets too long skjhfksjd

[machinegunbun]

Hi, can you finish that blurb? Just curious

ok ok hold your death threats everyone :)

tw:smut, obviously. throwing up and Painal too ig, but also if you saw the first part of this blurb Colson mentions “making sure it hurts.” so we’re going by implied consent in this one. Some shit may be a little morally eh (as pimping your girlfriend out to your best friend goes) but its all in the name of smut so if youre not into it then just pretend it didnt happen? If that makes sense?  okay have fun drink water

---

shutting the door behind him, you hear a faint click as he twists the lock. Your eyes go wide as you look up at him from your place on the bed, mouth propped slightly open by the shiny red ball. 

Rooks hand is already massaging his hard cock through his jeans as he admires the sight infront of him, his free hand coming up to brush a piece of hair from your face. 

You just can’t help but look, your eyes trailing down to where his hand is stroking himself through the rough confines of his jeans

Flipping you on all fours. He doesnt bother to take off your skirt, opting to flip it up and out the way. You feel the tip of his dick against your entrance, a small pain as he tries to push himself in your tight hole and the shaft of his cock as it slips. 

After a few attempts he gives in with a sigh, his thumb slipping into your ass, bending it when he reaches the hilt. A moan comes from your throat at the new and slightly intrusive feeling.

It took him putting two fingers in your tight hole, switching from his thumb to pointer and middle finger and pumping in and out for a few minutes each before he managed to fit himself inside you. 

It hurt, but in a good way. You could feel him stretching you as he pumped in and out, but you liked knowing you were making him feel good at your own expense. Plus, the noises coming from him only worked to make you wetter. Laying down a bit so your back was arched, you reach under your body and play with your clit, moaning at the release of tension that had built in the bundle of nerves.

“Fuck, has Colson ever had your ass before?” He asks, a blush coming over your face. You go to respond verbally, quickly reminded of your current handicap. You shake your head, made slightly difficult by the grip Rook had on your hair. Groaning at your response, his thrusts increase in pace, along with your whimpers, your pleas quickly silenced by the shiny red ball in your mouth.

“Tell me how much it hurts.” He demands, removing the gag from your mouth and sliding it down to your neck, using it like a leash to pull you back towards him.

“Fuck,” you gag, getting used to the feeling of your newly empty mouth “It hurts. I can feel you stretching me.” Whimpering as you make eye contact with him, his eyes full of lost as they trail down your body, grip on the gag wrapped around your neck tight as his gaze lands on your fingers playing with your clit.

“Oh, but you like it? Colson’s right, you are a dirty little slut, and you’re getting exactly what you deserve.” He hums, whispering in your ear “You know, I actually felt bad for a minute, punishing your tight little asshole, but the whole time you were getting off on it. You slut” his tone so accusatory as he releases his hold on your gag, letting you fall to the bed.

“Do you think Colson would be mad if he knew I played in your tight little hole before he got the chance? That I fucked you in your tight little asshole and you liked it. That you’re such a horny little slut you’d let me go against his wishes.” Rook moans, placing a harsh smack to your ass while he relentlessly pounds away, his middle and pointer finger hooking into your mouth and pulling back.

“He’d kill us.” He groans, his pace quickening as he chases his orgasm “M’not gonna cum in you.” he hums, choking on his words “M’not gonna cum in your ass, okay? Colson will never know. And you’re not gonna tell him, yeah? Just gonna be our little secret.” He whispers, hot breath fanning over your neck as he moves a piece of hair from your face

“Ride me.” He says, breathless and laying back in bed, his hard member standing straight. You’re ontop of him, facing the door when you feel his hand come across your ass once more.

Reaching back, you wrap your hand around his hard cock, watching as he admires your body, his hand coming up to squeeze your breast. Lining him up with your hole, you sink down slowly, a small whimper falling from your lips. Rook groans at both the feeling and your reaction to taking him in your ass, your hips lightly bouncing against him. His gaze locked on your tight asshole taking him, the way it squeezes around his cock, the way you whine everytime you take all of him.

Rooks hands come up to grip your hips, pushing and pulling you to maintain the pace, forcing you to take him again and again and again. Soon his heels are digging into the bed and he’s thrusting inside you, eager to reach his high.

“Fuck, m’gonna cum. Get off me.” He says, not strong enough to pull out himself. You gladly do as he says, slowly turning around to face him, your asshole empty and burning, completely used. You relished in the feeling, knowing that you’d have to deal with it long after he’d came. 

The thought that he had just used your asshole and didn’t even bother to cum, causing you so much pain only to pull out at the last second. Fuck, was it hot. You were completely his and there was nothing you could do about it. He could do whatever he wanted to you and you weren’t allowed to object. His toy, his fuck thing, whatever he needed to reach his high. You could cry and beg for Colson, but it didn’t matter, he wouldn’t stop until he was done with you.

Rook took a moment to catch his breath, his abs lifting up and down as he attempts to slow his heart rate.

“Get on the floor.” He says simply, breaking the silence. Doing as your told, you feel your knees hit the carpeted floor, glancing up at him for further direction.

“By the wall.” He says. You crawl over slowly, your knees dragging against the floor as you make your way. Standing on your knees, you let your back rest against the wall, staring intently as he makes his way over to you.

He pulls your arms up over your head, ripping the shirt from your body and tangling his fingers in your hair, pulling back so you’re looking up at him, watching as he strokes his cock. Pushing down on at the base, he rubs his tip across your tongue before pushing all the way in. He falls into pace quickly, throat fucking you, gagging as you feel him hit the back of your throat with nowhere to go, trapped between the wall and his hips. 

Your head bumps lightly against the wall as he thrusts into your throat. You try your best not to gag, but his thrusts are relentless. You try to warn him by tapping on his leg, but he’s too lost in his own pleasure to notice. It’s not until you have an especially loud gag that he realizes what’s happening, a smirk coming across his face as he continues his actions.

“Is that too much? Are you having trouble breathing. Huh? can’t hear you through all that gagging. Lemme see, are you touching yourself again, slut?”

It’s not long before you feel something start to come up your throat. You can’t tell if Rooks actions are purposeful or not, so once again you try to warn him

“Are you gonna throw up on my dick? Good.” he hums in response, pulling a trashcan over quickly. You bend over it, throwing up in to the plastic bag within.

“Keep fucking going.” He says, pulling you back into place, sliding back down your throat. You continue to suck his dick, shakily. The burning in your asshole from being stretched and the burning from your throat starting to take a toll on you. 

Just when you think maybe you can’t do it anymore you feel him spurting down your throat, swallowing his load hastily. Rook remains full submerged in your mouth for a moment before pulling out, his head hung back in pleasure.

“Oh shit, are you okay?” He asks, laughing a bit, his hand coming down to support your chin. The action was soft and sweet in complete contrast to the last thirty minutes.

“Yeah, im good.” You squeak

“Awh, let me go get you some water. Poor thing.” He says, throwing on a pair of pants and making his way to the kitchen. Colson must’ve seen him leave, because he made his way into the room, his eyes falling on the bed first, eyebrows furrowing when he saw you weren’t there. His eyes begin to scan the room, eventually landing on you.

“Oh, hey.” He greets softly, making his way over to you “what are you doing over here? Did you throw up?”

“Rooks a fucking freak.” You reply, wiping your mouth. Colson snorts softly at this, picking you up and carrying you to the bathroom. The bath was already all set up for you, bubbles and all. 

“Clean up real quick and then we can cuddle.” He says, placing a kiss on your cheek as he allows you to stand on your own “Need any help?”

“No, thank you.” You reply, climbing into the bath.

Eventually, you were out and dry, wrapped up in blankets next to Colson while he rubbed your back, Rook sitting at the end of the bed.

“Wait, so what all did ya’ll do.” He asks, straining his neck a bit to look over at you.

“I dunno,” you blush, burying your face in his shoulder “we fucked.” Both of the boys laugh softly

“Yeah we just like- Fucked,” Rook laughs again as he explains “she blew me for a little bit.”

“That’s it? She just, like, blew you?”

“Nah, I mean, we did anal at first.” Rook admits, Colson’s jaw dropping in shock as he looks over at you.

“You didn’t tell me you were into that.” He says softly, pouting. You glance down at Rook, who’s rubbing his eye “I’m not mad, I just didn’t know it was something you’d be into.”

“That’s okay, now that he knows he’ll be sure to use that information to his advantage.” Rook adds, smirking.

“Yeah, exactly.” Colson laughs, booping you on the nose and taking a moment to look at you before placing a kiss there aswell. 

“Alright I’ll leave you guys to that, i’m tired.” Rook says, yawning and stretching as he stands up.

“Really? It’s only 12Am, you never go to bed this early.” You say, glancing over at the digital clock next to you and colson’s shared bed.

“What can I say, you tired me out.” He winks, getting hit in the back of the head with a pillow as he goes to leave.

“Hey, watch it.” Colson jokes, “and give us our pillow back, please.” He continues, mumbling the last part.

~*~taglist~*~

@kidtheekid @cclynn88 @lonerlee @friedwangsss @rumoured-whispers @nichmeddar @sunflowerbebe107