#but good god some of you have the worst takes on her
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Oblivious
Ellie x Reader
Secret or not so secret relationship.
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Ellie paced nervously in the small cabin they had found for the night. You sat on the couch, trying to keep your expression neutral as Joel worked on cleaning his rifle across the room. Ellie had been antsy for daysâwhenever Joel was around, she seemed to forget how to act normal, fumbling over her words and making eye contact with you for a split second too long.
You werenât much better. Hiding a relationship was exhausting, but keeping it from Joel? That was an Olympic-level challenge.
âSo,â Joel said suddenly, his tone too casual as he looked up from his rifle. Ellie froze mid-step, and you could almost hear her heart stop. âY/N, I been thinkinâ.â
Ellieâs eyes darted to you, wide with silent panic. You fought to stay composed. âThinking about what?â
âYouâve been ridinâ with us for a while now. Ainât it about time you... yâknow, found yourself some company?â Joel said with a crooked smirk.
Ellie looked like she was about to combust.
You blinked, unsure if he was serious. âUh, I mean, Iâve got good company already?â You glanced at Ellie, who was staring at Joel as if she could will him to stop talking.
Joel leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. âNah, I mean... proper company. Got a guy in Jackson whoâd be perfect for you. Real nice kid, good with a bow.â
Ellieâs jaw dropped, and she barely managed to choke out, âWhat?â
Joel grinned at her reaction but didnât let up. âYeah, Ellie, donât you think Y/N and Ethan would make a great couple? Real sharp kid. Heâs got a good sense of humor, too.â
Ellie sputtered. âEthan? Are you kidding me? Heâsâheâs not even... Y/N doesnâtââ She tripped over her words, cheeks flushed crimson.
You bit your lip to keep from laughing. âI donât know, Joel. Iâm not really sure Ethanâs my type.â
Joel raised an eyebrow. âWhatâs your type, then?â
Ellie looked like she was ready to leap across the room and throttle him. âY/N doesnât need a type!â she blurted. âTheyâre fine how they are!â
Joel tilted his head, feigning ignorance. âEllie, you seem awfully invested in this. Somethinâ you wanna share?â
Ellie groaned, dragging a hand over her face. You couldnât hold it in any longer and burst out laughing.
âOh my God,â you said, shaking your head. âJoel, stop torturing her.â
âTorturinâ?â Joel asked innocently. âJust lookinâ out for my friends, is all.â
Ellie glared at him. âYouâre not looking out for anyone. Youâre being a pain in the ass.â
Joelâs grin widened. âYouâre right. I donât need to set Y/N up. Seems like theyâve already got someone in mind. Ainât that right, Ellie?â
Ellieâs mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water, and you decided to throw her a lifeline. âAlright, fine. You win, Joel. You know.â
Ellie whipped her head toward you. âWaitâwhat?â
Joel chuckled, leaning forward. âCourse I know. Been watchinâ you two tiptoe around each other like a coupleâa teenagers for weeks. Just wanted to see how long youâd keep it up.â
Ellie groaned again, burying her face in her hands. âYouâre the worst.â
Joel shrugged. âYeah, but Iâm also the one whoâs got your back. So next time, donât try so hard to keep secrets from me. Itâs exhausting watchinâ yâall fail at it.â
You laughed, standing to clap a hand on Ellieâs shoulder. âWell, at least we donât have to sneak around anymore.â
Ellie peeked out from behind her hands, her face still red. âYou suck,â she muttered to Joel.
He winked. âYouâre welcome, kid.â
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I take requestsđ
#elliexyou#ellie x fem reader#ellie x reader#ellie the last of us#ellie williams#ellie x you#ellie williams fanfic
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my reasoning:
(these rankings are based on multiple criteria, such as relatability, hotness, relevance, how interesting they are as a character, and so on and so forth).
1) Jinx: sheâs literally me. so silly and mentally unstable. needs therapy so bad and it shows. i fucking love her. please get help queen
2) Ekko: literally has never done anything wrong ever. moral compass strong as fuck. bonus points for looking cool. heâs also literally me but jinx wins over him bc sheâs more unhinged.
3) Viktor: my fucking beloved. Do I want to be him? Do I want to be with him? Realistically I want neither of these things but unrealistically I need this man in ways even the hexcore couldnât comprehend.
4) Mel: God I fucking love a powerful smart beautiful woman. AND she has mommy issues? sheâs literally perfect. iâm rotating her in my head as we speak
5) Vi: hot tragic lesbian. almost lost points for becoming a cop but then she quit so itâs all good. for now. I have knowledge about what she ends up doing bc of the video game and I am currently choosing to ignore it in favor of the show timeline. Let me dream.
6) Sevika: hot. muscles. vodka aunt. hot. emotionally unavailable. hot. did i mention hot
7) grayson: i think itâs hilarious that she ranks higher than everyone else below her on this list. she literally only gets points for being attractive. especially her voice like ugghhh. what else can i say.
8) sky: perfect angel. so fucking smart and cool. deserves better. i need to know more about her or i will actually explode. hearing her voice made me so happy yâall have no idea
9) powder: baby. deserves the world. only ranks lower bc she doesnât exactly âexistâ anymore or whatever. justice for powder AND jinx 2025
10) caitlyn: hot. but ew cop moment. the fact that her sympathy for zaunites was crushed so easily really annoys me. like girl do you even have principles. ur revenge era would be cool if it wasnât police brutality like noooo caitlyn pls donât let a dictator use you to further destabilize your country for her own gain youâre so sexyyy ahaha⌠idk man itâs complicated. she should quit her job and get a new one. and then get therapy.
11) Jayce: heâs interesting in that he is a good example of a privileged person attempting to make things better by utilizing the system, only to get sucked into said system, becoming part of it and therefore part of the problem. the road to hell is paved with good intentions. his intentions are so good and yet. he is idiot. I hope Ekko and heimydingy are able to lessen his idiocy.
12) ambessa: hooottttttttttt. so fucking hot. goddamn. have yâall SEEN the music video for blood sweat and tears. iâm fucking FERAL. unfortunately for her, looks arenât everything and sheâs the fucking worst so here we are.
13) elora: beautiful powerful wonderful woman. need more of her. what is her life like. have she and mel ever kissed. much to think about here.
14) heimerdinger: heâs annoying and he doesnât take the much needed time to explain why he makes the decisions heâs making... but heâs also right. which i hate because heâs annoying. but i also like that heâs annoying because it shows the very true fact that ppl who are annoying can in fact be right about things. also his heist with ekko was funny and endearing so he has that going for him. ekko carried tho ngl
15) vander: heâs cool cuz heâs a swag dad. a kind man and a protective guy. all around a great dude tbh. ranks lower because he doesnât have any particularly interesting character traits to me.
16) finn: he looks cool as fuck but isnât relevant and is also kind of an annoying brat. which is funny but like also bro. stop.
17) ximena: literally lost some of her fingers to frostbite to protect her baby child kid son. based. i love her.
18) cassandra: milf. the scene with the her and the gun? cool as fuck. ranks lower bc, again, not very relevant. and also dead lol
19) tobias: imma be honest idrc abt tobias at all i just didnât want to separate him from his wife. he has enough of that in the show LOL
20) claggor: sweet boy. deserved better. i wonder what he would be like now if heâd been able to grow up.
21) silco: morally i hate this guy but heâs also a fascinating character. heâs cool as fuck and a bitch. plus he does eyeball drugs. there are so many fucked up things about this dude i canât list them all. overall heâs a very well done character and an absolutely fantastic villain. what a piece of work.
22) benzo: just an all around good dude. ranks low bc heâs extremely irrelevant. sorry dude. if this was a morals contest heâd obv be ranked higher, but itâs not, so here we are.
23) jericho: had to look him up LOLLLL thanks for making food for vi i guess. people who make food for other people are the best. that being said he ranks low because, again, irrelevant.
24) mylo: cringe fail asshole. not ranked last bc he was a kid, so i can give him the benefit of the doubt, cuz maybe he wouldâve been a better person as an adult⌠but also he never got to be one so oops lol get ranked low loser
25) singed: brother euughhh. i like drugs too but not THAT much. maybe give this man some backstory and iâll care about him. as it stands rn idgaf about this guy. i rebuke thee, get AWAY
26) marcus: fucking piece of shit rat. fuck this guy. selfish coward and i hate him forever. die
Here's a fun little sorter I put together for Arcane characters! Reblog with your list!
Let the sorting commence!
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Sentinel 9.6
Well.
At least we're not as fucked as Brockton Bay.
"Ugh, how dare crime be prevented so I can't beat the shit out of the people doing the crimes for my own catharsis" - sentiments of the utterly normal
This glimpse into the inner workings of these two has not endeared me to them any further, tbh. I think the time in which they can actually turn these impressions around is starting to dwindle.
So. Here's Sophia's worldview laid plain, and it's about what I expected. Might makes right, violence and desperation and greed are the true nature of humanity, everyone can be divided between sheep and wolves and she refuses to be a sheep.
Mostly I think I'm just curious as to what, exactly, shaped her to be this way. Like obviously whatever caused her to trigger is a factor, but I don't know if any parahuman has had a complete overhaul of their personality brought about by their power coming online; I suspect that she'd followed some version of this mentality before the worst day of her life (so far) proved her right.
I can't imagine Piggot would be thrilled that Shadow Stalker thinks so highly of her, or at least the why of it.
This is cool, though. Give Wildbow credit, he can make just about any sensation of using a power sound rad as hell.
*sighs* Fucking Nazis
At least Sophia is sensible about what to do with them
Another neat fight scene, this one is a bit quicker than the Travelers tussle so I kinda like it more. That and it involves beating the shit out of Nazis.
Ruh roh Raggy
hiimdaisy_adachi_murder.mp3
Oh yeah, why eliminate the villain who you know is a particular threat to you, specifically, when you can try to torment her first?
This isn't even me saying that Sophia should try to murder Skitter, bc obviously I prefer the latter to the former, but taking the whole thing of seeing her secret identity into consideration, the response to crossing paths should be "take her down fast and hard," not "put her back against the wall and make her panic"
It's gonna fucking break her brain when she realizes Taylor is Skitter, huh?
There's something really funny about how basically every outsider POV we've gotten on Skitter involves hating her ass. Truly cursed to be unpopular.
I like the logical weaknesses of Sophia's power so far. Things getting into her shadow form, like bugs, fuck with her ability to remanifest because she has to "shove" them out of where she's going to solidify. The electricity I'm less clear on, maybe just some quirk of what she's "made" of in her altered state, but it's a good way to explain why she can't just leap through buildings willy nilly. The thing with the gas/vapor absorption that gets mentioned in a second also makes sense and is pretty neat.
Hey Sophia do you maybe regret playing with your food a little bit
Also still cool to see Skitter's powers from the outside POV
God that's so cool
...Y'know, if these two could get over their bullshit for like, a minute, they could probably have some very cathartic hate-makeouts. More blood than normal for kissing but less blood than normal for their usual interactions.
Lol
Lmao
Nuts that what threw her off in this moment was looking for a secondary murder weapon to cover up her power's tell.
Also: get fucked Sophia.
And you fell for it hook line and sinker, because you're a petty tunnel-visioned sadist.
Got the whole crew doing the group pose, love to see it
Also: hi Aisha, glad you get to join the team, sorry you had a trigger event, hope the future scenes with you are less uncomfortable than your first one
Skitter is so fucking good at playing up the villain role, she really should be proud of the work she puts into it.
Not entirely sure why they're kidnapping Shadow Stalker, but I'm sure it's going to be another photo album moment for the Undersiders and their rise to prominence.
Concluding Thoughts
Y'know, a lot of trouble could've been avoided if Sophia just ignored that impulse to play with her prey. I'm not gonna be like "oh why can't she just rein in the violence" because every parahuman we've met so far is either a participant or facilitator of violence, but the cruelty is what's gotten her in trouble here. Not only did she only get baited into this trap because she refused to make an earlier attempt at the killing blow, not only did she take the bait of hunting down a lone villain while a PRT convoy was under attack by fucking Nazis, but the hostility might have been avoided if she hadn't gotten her kicks from tormenting and assaulting Taylor. If Sophia was just Emma's friend who hung back and watched as she tormented Taylor, things might've differently all the way back in the medical tent, but alas, she was a willing and gleeful participant.
Little concerned about what the fuck they're going to do to her, but there's nothing to do but wait and see.
Also, cautiously glad that Imp has arrived, she seems fun from what I've picked up via osmosis, again fingers crossed that her continued presence in this story doesn't involve nearly as much wincing as Tangle 6.3 because holy shit.
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I just think at least 95% of you shouldnât be allowed to speak on Nancy Wheeler
#nancy wheeler#stranger things#stranger things 4#natalia dyer#nancy stranger things#st4#like freedom of speech and all that#but good god some of you have the worst takes on her#and iâm so tired of most of you villainising her#and the MISCHARACTERIZATION omg#dm me to speak on nancy
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i have to wonder what super hardcore militant vegans think should be done about obligate carnivore animals, because in all my painfully-rapidly-approaching-30-years i've literally never actually seen anyone give a clear consistent much less halfway feasible answer on that
#mostly i've just seen like âhow dare you ask questions you just want an excuse to murder you're sealioning ectâ#or worse some vague and wildly improbable nonsense about like. fake robot animals covered in beyond meat or something equally convoluted#which is a thing i did see someone suggest as a serious answer#i mean i already know they think i'm a genetically inferior hateful vampire that should starve to death for the greater good#because my exact combination of health conditions make meat basically the only semi-safe way i can get close to enough nutrients#i know this because they have repeatedly told me that i'm either evil or should be sacrificed or both#and yelled at me for asking questions by bringing up the whole disabled thing and then they're like#âa lot of vegans i know are advocates for disability!â as if that ever means jack shit in the society that results from anything#no matter what you do a vast majority of people in any given society will *not* be advocates for the disabled. i'm sorry they just won't.#and what do you think public perception of people who physically can't survive like that is going to skew towards#in a society founded on the belief that non-vegan diets are evil?#at absolute best we're looking at being a heavily marginalized class generally seen as something like vampires and our existences taboo.#(as if these type's own insistence that they should be allowed to harass and shame people doesn't disprove their assertion that we won't be#thinking it could possibly go any better than that is a fucking fairy tale. human nature doesn't work that way.#you simply cannot eliminate the human desire to designate and abuse a class of have-nots. the absolute best you can do is mitigate damage.#take it from someone who's been multiple kinds of disabled and chronically ill all my life. people will not âjustâ. ever.#i get this even from people who are otherwise very aware of and VERY GOOD at avoiding this sort of thinking#âi'm a disability advocate!â no you are not. you are a poster. my experience has taught me that what people advocate for in their free time#means precisely jack shit for how they will actually act when faced with the situations they make otherwise rational posts about#and the fact of the matter is even if you somehow really are the perfect disability advocate a majority of people WILL NOT BE YOU.#a majority of people in society will be margrat from accounting who clutches her pearls when she sees the gays and thinks autism isnt real#and who has never had a nuanced thought in her life and actively does not want to#a vast majority of people in your Vegan Utopia will not be you and your friends who march with wheelchair users and volunteer at the shelte#a vast majority of people in your Vegan Utopia will be jenny who starved 8 cats to death on broccoli because she can't be bothered#and who thinks that âcarnivoresâ are actual nazis and don't deserve healthcare because she saw someone say that online.#ALWAYS assume your society will be made up mostly of the worst kind of person it can because it WILL ALWAYS BE TRUE and you can't change it#most people seek the low-effort option. and evil is most often banal and low-effort.#i'm just so fucking tired of every single even vaguely lefty-adjacent political movement simultaneously acting like i don't fucking exist#and at the same time that i need to be sacrificed to achieve Utopia. god. at least conservative whackjobs are upfront and honest about#how they think that i'm a burden on society that needs to be Eugenics'd . rather than trying to morally gaslight me about it.
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top ten things i didnt think could happen during the aoki/bodyguard segment Aoki Actually Attacks
#snap chats#ignore the fact joon-gi's having the worst time ever ok sacrifices had to be made#GOD FINALLY I GOT THESE STUPID GIFS#the funniest bit is that aoki primarily targeted eri i just didnt wanna show her gettin dogged on twice#like father like son why the fuck do they both have problems with eri â ď¸â ď¸#BUT YEAH NO I DIDNT. I NEVER SAW HIM USE HIS GUN OR ATTACK UNTIL LAST WEEK#AND I NEVER SAW ANYONE ELSE TALK BOUT IT AND WE ALL KEPT JOKIN AOKI NEVER USES THE GUN#BUT NO HE DOES my hypothesis. right.#is that he'll only do these things when he has some bodyguards left#'snap the fuck is that top gif then' LISTEN i had JUST gotten rid of a guard before his turn#idk maybe he needs a buffer turn to use guard order idk#but i kept him alone for a solid ten turns and he just kept using guard order#thing is his goons are so easy to take out with essence of rose typhoon or something similar he's always in need of guards#this fight just goes by so fast you never expect him to use either of these- which what makes his empty gun in the followin scene hilarious#hence. why ive never seen it lmao#i can die happy now. im not crazy. im crazy but im not lying#this was so unnecessary LMAO#genuinely insane i can just upload homegrown y7 gifs and videos... wild...#unrelated to these. ive decided tendo is no longer scary ive got the timing down everyone <- two people died during the tendo fight#LISTEN FOR THE MOST PART I GOT IT I JUST FUMBLED AT THE WORST TIME LMAO its all good#at this point im more afraid of the arminator fight since that shit just hates me and kills my millenium runs more than tendo#ok bye im practicing more before my friend hangs out with me
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shoutout to cassel and lila for SUCKING!!!!! I HATE THEM!!!!!!!!!
#tzu rambles#god i could go on about why theyre terrible for each other in all the ways that make htem end up together#they feed into each others worst habits.#lila liking power over others and cassel being used to ppl taking advantage of him#ive seen ppl who dumb it down to âhe likes to be dominatedâ or whatever#i mean you do you but its pretty clear that its a result of the way his brothers have always treated him#wait yeah he listerally compares them to each other#âi was used to fast anc cruel brothers. and i worshipped herâ AUGH#she reminds him of everything hes ever known#and she likes him because he listens to her when nobody else does#and she kind of takes advantage of that and he knows she does#he lets her anyways#its so bad its so good#and like anton is just like philip and barron if not worse#but hes lila's COUSIN. so its different#bc he's more guest than family#and so she doesn't develop the habits cassel does. cassel was born into this#HES the guest#but to lila anton is some guy coming and messing with her friend#so she wants to stand her ground#and that reflects in how they are#i think its interesting that even in rejecting his brothers he still just follows lila around#still on the first book though so we'll see what he does#they make me crazy!!!!!! augh#also his relationship w his mom probably affects this too#like. u have ur mother toying with your emotions to get you to do what she wants. idk ofc ur gonna be a little strange about ppl making+#you do things#also how lila sees herself as older than she is and i think cassel thinks of her thkat way too sometimes#they just suck i hate them
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[id: a digital drawing of Faiden and Zol, two Star Wars ocs, as they hug. Faiden is a blue Theelin with a large fluffy tail and puffy orange hair, wearing a flowy top and white armor with orange paint on her hips. Zol is an orange Zabrak with a few broken horns, wearing all black with long pointed gloves. He has his face buried in Faiden's shoulder as he hugs her, hands balled in her shirt, and she hugs him back just as tightly /end id]
these siblings will be the death of me
#ash draws#star wars#oops all rebels#pov your fear and one thoughtless decision got your brother killed fifteen years ago and you carry so much shame from that day#the worst day of your life that still haunts you#and then he finds you again and he has been Changed he has been turned against your order he has been killing to survive#and he was the best of you he was the one you always looked up to and you are so glad he is alive but god at what cost#alternatively. you should have died but you didnt and you have been kept alive and honed into a weapon#you fight and you kill and you hate yourself for it because if you were truly as good as everyone said you should have died instead#but you dont. you kill the people who once would have looked up to you. all because you are so desperate to survive#and then you learn your little sister the one you helped raise the one you helped train the one you did your best to protect#she is still out there. and if you do not kill her one of your new siblings will. if you do not cut her down it will be held against you#and maybe just maybe. she will be the one to finish what she started and cut you down herself#and you fight and go through the motions like you taught her when she was a child#and you fight and you know that this is your big brother and he is still training you after all this time and he tells you to kill him#and you put down your saber and tell him that you wont fight him and if he has to kill you then do it#and his sword comes to your neck and he cant do it#your sword is at the neck of your little sister the one who should have killed you. and you cant kill her#and in your moment of weakness and indecision she knocks you out and drags you back to her new home#(and then you get put in lightning cage. ha ha whoops)#but then after all of that. you hug and you realize that your little sister is taller than you are now.#it has been fifteen years and you dont know who she has become. you dont know who you have become#this is your brother and you see what the empire you have been running from has turned him into#and after fifteen years of running and hiding and running some more. this is what makes you stand and fight#they will not be taking your brother away from you again#these two make me Explode they are soooooo special to me
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Also I canât figure out if my life genuinely does suck or Iâm just having an existential crisis because my period starts in approximately 48 hours
#it does make me worse ngl. i wish i could just yeet my uterus#i was just starting to think about how all my days are the same and itâs boring and iâm boring#and i never see anybody or meet new people or make new friends#working from home is all well and good until it makes you want to [redacted]#and you all can say âjust leave your house!â as much as you want but living in a small town and having no car is not really conducive#to getting myself out there#i mean my town literally has about a dozen businesses and half of them are sad pubs. the others are like hair salon; co-op; church; butcher#2 takeaways. and yeah thereâs parks but all of them are kind of dire#maybe i could start getting the bus places. going somewhere else. idk#i have been thinking about taking a trip but wherever i go i still take myself and itâs like iâm in this state of permanent malaise#too nervous to talk to anyone and too impatient to linger anywhere or enjoy anything#everything i do i rush through so i can do something else#and i think amongst it all iâm just reckoning with the fact that iâm never going to be remarkable. i mean neither is anyone else really#but i always thought iâd write a novel or become a college professor or something but iâm not smart enough and i donât have enough words#or ideas in me. not really. iâm not a creative iâm just an imitator. always have been#and i could live with being unremarkable because we all are in the cosmic universe but i still donât think i can live with rotting#in my hometown. but then itâs like how do i get out?#i signed up for an online course just to vary things a bit. just to get some enrichment in my enclosure#itâs this slow realisation that i thought i Wanted to work at home. i thought i liked the peace of it. just me and the computer screen#but no i like to work outside and then come back to my home as my sanctuary. i have to leave it sometimes to really appreciate it#but no one wants to hire me for an intellectual job because iâm not actually that smart. and my body is too broken to work in hospitality#anymore. or is it. i mean for godâs sake i can run three times a week but i donât trust myself to be able to stand for hours#iâm thinking about throwing myself on the mercy of my old boss like hey. i fucked up. do you have any shifts for me? iâll do weekends#i just donât want to lose my fucking mind#maybe iâll text her tomorrow. the worst thing she can say is no#personal
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.
#i think one of the things that i really enjoy being on here is the majority of us stuck around tumblr and didnt migrate#because we genuinely just love shooting the shit about her and her songs and her mythology#creating content and engaging in (sometimes) good hearted debates#and the one good thing is most people on here are at least 8/10+ year fans of hers so you're talking to people who#deeply appreciate her as an artist and a public figure#and aren't looking for attention really and in fact would loathe her return to the platform because#this atmosphere is really nice when it's this and it's mostly nice cuz she's not here#(for the most part like OBVIOUSLY some brain diseases never leave people just cuz she left and we all avoid you people)#but i think my favorite part is that this environment allows me to easily find people who are the true two feet on the ground people like m#who are ok talking about her as the business woman that she is. shrewd and calculating and#how that's not a value judgement or a character judgement. this is her JOB and it requires certain mental and emotional relationships#that she doesn't want fans to be aware of but they are the reality and duh they're hidden BECAUSE that would ruin the way the#entire machine functions like i know i know#but i didn't realize how far and few swifites who can enjoy her and see her for what she is and appreciate WHY that is are and not be#personally offended like thank god she's not here cuz idk how i would have found those people#also i'm over the moon she's (temporarily at least) done with the M&G shit cuz the wars that would have broken out between the#new tiktok fans and the tumblr old guard...... i would have perhaps left this platform entirely#i couldn't take it during rep and that was just about whether or not you deserved to be a FAN because of an album concept#swifties at their worst and most cult like loyalty that never turned me off swiftie fandom faster#and now that there is a HUGE divide.... i already know who taylor would choose for m&gs and i know WHY and it's not like evil#but the effect it would have on legacy fans....... there would be never a worse time in swiftie history so thank GOD for this#so i can keep blogging about my hot wife and her top tier songwriting and my love of pattern recognition#IN PEACE#idk what this was all about but i just like had to brain dump i guess anyway love all of you my smart normal grown up friends on here
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aaaaaaand it's starting. mom's bestie just texted me asking to come over this weekend cause it's Bad and it's probably the last chance to talk and maybe say goodbye to my mom's husband and i need to take care of her. god. i wont get through this weekend unless im high or drunk istg.
#time to slightly overdose my depression meds again ig lol#anyway. it is a little better with me these last two weeks. turns out the meds do work when you actually take em regularly#but first my best friend's break up that she's blowing up to unimaginable size#acting as if she just got divorced with the love of her life after 20 years#and not ended a few months long relationship with a guy who's been the source of most of her troubles since the moment they started dating#(ofc she's valid and id never tell her that because like. i get it. some people feel stuff more deeply. but its hard to be supportive#when you genuinely feel like this is the best possible outcome for her and that the relationship was only dragging her down all this time)#and now this. and this is gonna be infinitely worse. and then it's gonna get a million times worse when he actually does die.#and i feel like the worst most selfish person ever which like. probably am. but i did tell my cousin who actually knows my mom really well#and she said she understands and that my fears ARE valid because SHE'S terrified of how she's gonna handle my mom#and she wouldn't wanna be me in that situation cause it's gonna be so much worse for me lmao#like i feel like people who know my mother casually really dont understand just how unhinged emotionally she is#anyway. i feel so overwhelmed. i cant handle this jesus.#but im also emotionally unavailable and refuse to actually confide in another person because i dont want to be a bother <3333#god i love tumblr. i can literally type anything in those tags lol it's the perfect form of venting since you can just scroll by#but i will still have let it out of myself anyway uwu i literally dont need that therapy fr#anyway. i feel so unbelievably fucking lonely and on one hand it's my own fault for withdrawing and refusing to ask for help.#but on the other hand. i AM alone. like there's no one who can help me in this particular situation.#i have no siblings. obviously my dad isnt gonna help. it all falls down to me. good god. i wanna throw up.
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Every day I must act normal despite knowing how the contrast between Memphisâs and Sanaâs views of authority all traces back to how they see the same quasi-omniscient system exploited and by whom.
#𪪠Memphis Mylera#𪪠Sana Staravya#â second imperial civil war#===========================================#context because I have been a very poor loreposter:#M & S were raised in the same cadet center (a state orphanage that rears children to be military officers and/or sewage administrators)#(the imperial definition of âmilitaryâ is /weird/)#itâs not terrible quality-of-life-wise but it comes with there literally being eyes in the walls at all times#theyâre not always actively watching you but if you do something wrong you can bet your tail theyâll find out#discipline is handled by an impersonal system that visibly runs on paperwork#cadets are raised reciting âproverbsâ that are things like advice on how to lead and counsels on the value of loyalty#this all ingrains it into them that the government/military is omniscient and omnipotent#and Sana escapes this and gets adopted by rebels#(and more importantly by flagrantly-lawbreaking rich people who forge her an identity without a second thought)#Memphis canât and has basically the worst possible career where she falls through every crack and is chewed up by every gear in the machine#the only person she sees break the system is literally its god -- Presiding Imperator Cassius Banneker#(I swear to God that at the end of the day heâs a good person but man does he do some bad things)#their views come out almost polar opposites and /boy/ does it explode when they finally get to talk about them#----------------------------------------------------------------------#I wrote ten pages of analysis on this a few months back so I wonât spoil the rest#𪪠Cassius Banneker#(tangentially)#arguably I should also cite the Keplers but I don't explicitly namedrop them#nor do I describe them very well#Iâll have to do a post properly explaining their weird social class (that I just dismissed as ârich peopleâ here)#it has no easy earth analogy (yet; I think an approximation may develop) so that may take a while
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it is very frustrating because my mom does not know What The Deal Is but she certainly Suspects (for good reason. to be fair to her.) and she has Insinuated and she has Implied but she has not asked anything specifically. and its...not unreasonable for her to do this i guess because the last relationship i was in i didn't tell her for a year and a half. because the relationship BEFORE that was my first and it was with a girl and i asked her EXPLICITLY AND URGENTLY to not tell my dad about it because he was a massive homophobe and i knew this and saw this where she did not and she told him anyway and i have not trusted her since though, having few other options, i have continued to confide in her things that i should not confide in her that have then mysteriously made their way through all our shared coworkers back to me. and its.....its so. i don't know what to do about it. she..."stalked" is the wrong word but she followed my blog against my wishes and knowledge as a child and the more i lost trust in her and stopped talking to her the more she pried into my private life. i know my sister had similar experiences with her. and it has created this cycle where i keep trying to keep her out for my own privacy and dignity and safety and she just gets even more desperate and pathetic trying to get in after breaking my trust over and over and OVER again but i live with her and depend on her for far too many things and so it just. is this. awesomesauce
#have talked about it a bit with a few people and its...difficult?#i have always felt like i was the person standing between my parents when my dad was at his worst#and as kind of like. someone who failed to protect my family from him#and the last few months ive started recognizing patterns where 1) when my parents were united#was when there was a common threat and that common threat was ALWAYS me and my insanity. which feels. bad#and 2) my mother had no one to talk to about the horrific shit he said and so often ended up relaying#some of the worst things youve ever heard to me and my sister very conversationally#every thing he said about me that haunts me i heard when she told me and then went 'ha! isnt that so stupid he would say that?'#like. i guess its. she was a...i hate using it here but a Victim in thatsituation but im also starting to learn#that she was also a collaborator. and that she failed to protect us or take care of us often because she was scared of him#or sometimes because she agreed with him or hated/resented us or whatever. its. um#it is difficult. and every time i try to change and talk openly around her instead of being passive aggressive as i learned from her#she responds in the same guilt trippy icy way and says i am pissy or i think too black and white or do i think shes a bad person#and so i cannot...i cannot grow with her because it HURTS. every time. and ive just kind of...found it harder and harder to talk to her#at all. and her pain fills the apartment because she sees it happening. and it makes coming back here every day#even more unbearable even more crushing and i don't know what to do about it#it has been so weird. ive been trying to...change and grow. to be Real. to be truthful and to communicate well#for my friends and coworkers and family and i feel i've come so far sometimes#and then when it comes to her i just don't know how to do it because i don't trust her.#and when i try it only hurts both of us and i can't explain that to her because she WILL take it personally and she#she...everyone is capable of change. i believe that. to be alive is constant changing. but she refuses.#when she asked me if i thought she was a bad person she answered her own question going 'i dont think so.#i think you see things so much more black and white than i do and you're so easily offended and sensitive. i think im a good person'#not in a...not in a combative way but in a sincere way. and its like. i dont think i even responded i was fucking flabbergasted#where do you even GO from a statement like that lmao!!! god. its so frustrating. it is so so so fucking frustrating
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Mizu, femininity, and fallen sparrows
In my last post about Mizu and Akemi, I feel like I came across as overly critical of Mizu given that Mizu is a woman who - in her own words - has to live as a man in order to go down the path of revenge.
If she is ever discovered to be female by the wrong person, she will not only be unable to complete her quest, but there's a good chance that she'll be arrested or killed.
So it makes complete sense for Mizu to distance herself as much as possible from any behavior that she feels like would make someone question her sex.
I felt so indignant toward Mizu on my first couple watchthroughs for this moment. Why couldn't Mizu bribe the woman and her child's way into the city too? If Mizu is presenting as a man, couldn't she claim to be the woman's escort?
However, this moment makes things pretty clear. Mizu knows all too well the plight of women in her society. She knows it so well that she cannot risk ever finding herself back in their position again. She helps in what little way she can - without drawing attention to herself.
Mizu is not a hero and she is not one to make of herself a martyr - she will not set herself on fire to keep others warm. There's room to argue that Mizu shouldn't prioritize her quest over people's lives, but given the collateral damage Mizu can live with in almost every episode of season 1, Mizu is simply not operating under that kind of morality at this point. ("You don't know what I've done to reach you," Mizu tells Fowler.)
And while I still feel like Mizu has an obvious and established blind spot when it comes to Akemi because of their differences in station, such that Mizu's judgment of Akemi and actions in episode 5 are the result of prejudice rather than the result of Mizu's caution, I also want to establish that Mizu is just as caged as Akemi is, despite her technically having more freedom while living as a man.
Mizu can hide her mixed race identity some of the time, and she can hide her sex almost all of the time, but being able to operate outside of her society's strict rules for women does not mean she cannot see their plight.
It does not mean she doesn't hurt for them.
Back to Mizu and collateral damage, remember that sparrow?
While Mizu is breaking into Boss Hamata's manse, she gets startled by a bird and kills it on reflex. She then cradles it in her hands - much more tenderly than we've seen Mizu treat almost anything up to this point in the season:
She then puts it in its nest, with its unhatched eggs. Almost like she's trying to make the death look natural. Or like an accident.
You see where I'm going with this.
When Mizu kills Kinuyo, Mizu lingers in the moment, holding the body tenderly:
And btw a lot of stuff about this show hit me hard, but this remains the biggest gut punch of them all for me, Mizu holding that poor girl's body close, GOD
When Mizu arranges the "scene of the crime," Kinuyo's body is delicate, birdlike. And Mizu is so shaken afterward that she gets sloppy. She's horrified at this kill to the point that she can't bring herself to take another innocent life - the boy who rats her out.
MIZU'S ONE MOMENT OF SOFTNESS AND MERCY, COMING ON THE HEELS OF HER NEEDING TO KILL A GIRL TO SPARE HER THE WORST FATE THAT THIS RIGID SOCIETY HAS TO OFFER WOMEN, AND TO SPARE A BROTHEL FULL OF INNOCENT WOMEN WHO ARE THE CASTOFFS OF SOCIETY, NEARLY RESULTS IN ALL OF THEIR DEATHS
No wonder Mizu is as stoic and cold as she is.
And no wonder Mizu has no patience for Akemi whatsoever right before the terrible reveal and the fight breaks out:
Speaking of Akemi - guess who else is compared to a bird!
The plumage is more colorful, a bit flashier. But a bird is a bird.
And, uh
Yeah.
I like to think that Mizu killing the sparrow is not only foreshadowing for what she must do to Kinuyo, but is also a representation of the choice she makes on Akemi's behalf. She decides to cage the bird because she believes the bird is "better off." Better off caged than... dead.
But because Mizu doesn't know Akemi or her situation, she of course doesn't realize that the bird is fated to die if it is caged and sent back home.
Mizu is clearly not happy, or pleased, or satisfied by allowing Akemi to be dragged back to her father:
But softness and mercy haven't gotten Mizu anywhere good, recently.
There is so much tragedy layered into Mizu's character, and it includes the things she has to witness and the choices she makes - or believes she has to make - involving women, when she herself can skirt around a lot of what her society throws at women. Although, I do believe that it comes at the cost of a part of Mizu's soul.
After all, I'm gonna be haunted for the rest of this show by Mizu's very first prayer in episode 1:
"LET" her die. Because as Ringo points out, she doesn't "know how" to die.
Kind of like another bird in this show:
#blue eye samurai#mizu#akemi#kinuyo#bes#women are birds okay they are BIRDS#the let me die line is so SCARY AND SAD like a part of Mizu wants death but she cant? she doesnt know how?? excuse you show???#when all these other delicate birds are dying all around her#akemis character gets more and more gutwrenching upon subsequent rewatches because whenever she says her life is in danger#NO ONE BELIEVES HER - certainly not other women#because shes rich and pampered and that means shes safe and is worrying about nothing right? right?????#and it turns out that all of akemis instincts were right and she was in danger the ENTIRE TIME#also I need to make a post just for kinuyo because I am sad
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a/n: surprise! hereâs a little somethinâ while i work on my next fics. mwah mwah happy saturday!
cw: 18+ as always, minors dni. sub!ellie, dom!reader, oral sex (e receiving), choking, tribbing, someâŚcontrolling aspects, multiple orgasms
ellieâs got it bad for you.
so bad, she doesnât have it in her to be embarrassed when jesse and dina catch her staring at you in the middle of band practice, eyes glazed over, nodding along with whatever theyâre saying even when sheâs got nothing in her head but you you you.
itâs frustrating sometimes, what you do to her. sheâs less efficient as a songwriter and guitar playerâalways casting glances at you in the middle of practice, chewing her lip till it damn near bleeds because itâll keep her from making a mess of her boxer briefs. always picturing your pretty lips around her strap, you kneeling before her while she face-fucks you till you gag and choke. always tilting her head when you stand up from your seat beside her, going off to rifle through your purse for something, just praying sheâll get a glimpse at your panties when your skirt rides up.
when the rest of the band filters out and itâs just you two, she gets you in her lap, kissing you silly. youâre so perfect in her arms, smiling shyly when she pulls back and covers your face in chaste, adoring kisses.
âwe should go,â you say, glancing at the clock on the wall. she frowns and you catch it, adding, âi really need to study, finals are next week.â
âyouâre gonna kill âem, babe,â she assures you, pressing a kiss to the tip of your nose. your cheeks go pink. she could eat you whole. âsmartest girl i know. smartest person, actually.â
you giggle, a sound that makes ellieâs stomach flip. and then your expression shifts from carefree to hesitant, and she furrows her brows. âwhatâs wrong?â
ânothing, iâm sorryâi was gonna ask if you wanted to help me study? i have flash cards.â
ellie grins. âi can do flash cards.â
itâs not the first time ellieâs been at your house, but it is the first time sheâs pulled into the driveway and noticed that your parents arenât home. she casts a glance at you in the passengerâs seat while she pulls the keys from the ignition, but if you notice that sheâs wondering about the lack of two mercedes in the driveway, you donât let on. you give her one of those sickeningly sweet smiles and her heart hammers.
inside, you stop in the kitchen to fix a couple glasses of pink lemonade with twisty straws and fresh lemon slices, then lead her up the stairs to your bedroom. ellie tries (and fails) to avert her eyes from the place where your thigh-highs squish into the meat of your legs, the skin pooling out of the fabric good enough to eat. she has to think about the worst things to keep her cunt from throbbing. dead puppies, shit like that.
âiâm so stressed,â you confess as you open the door to your bedroom, ellie striding in behind you.
âwhy, princess? youâll do great.â she takes her glass of lemonade when you offer it, sips from the straw and beams at you.
your room suits you perfectly. all shades of white and pink, floral print everywhere, heart-shaped pillows, cute bunny plushies organized carefully on the bed. it smells like sugar cookies and your perfume. ellie watches you locate your study materials, then sort through them till you find the necessary flash cards. she starts looking through them while you climb onto the bed, your skirt riding up to expose a new sliver of your thighs. if there is a god, heâs got it out for ellie today.
âcome here, el,â you pout, holding out your hands for her.
âdonât be impatient, now.â she joins you on the bed despite her better judgment. looks down at the flash cards and struggles to read the first one because her blood is rushing south at a dizzying rate.
âuhâeukaryotic cells.â
âcells which have a nucleus enclosed within the nuclear membrane.â
ellie gapes at you. âokay, smarty pants, you got it. prokaryotic cells?â
you answer and she shuffles through to the next card, continuing to prompt your spot-on definitions until it becomes clear that youâre more than ready for your final. it only takes five minutes to make it through the entire stack of cards. and then youâre asking her to kiss you.
âbaby,â she mutters, leaning over the side of the bed to set the flash cards onto the floor, âiâve been waiting for you to ask.â
just like every other time, your mouth tastes like heaven. sweet from the pink lemonade, your tongue dances over hers, soft moans leaving your lips for her to swallow eagerly. the two of you have made out more times than ellie can count on both hands, but it never leads any further. something always comes upâyou have to get to bed, dinnerâs ready downstairs, things like that. more often than not, you stop because ellie feels like sheâs going to lose control of herself and scare you away.
but this time, itâs different.
your hands, soft and warm, skate up ellieâs tattooed arms. your perfectly manicured nails rake through her hair. your eyes are blown nearly black with lust when you pull away, staring up at ellie like youâre silently begging to be fucked.
âellie,â you whisper, frustrated by the sliver of mattress that separates the two of you.
âyeah, yeah, angel, iâve got you.â she closes the gap, climbing between your spread legs until sheâs hovering over you. she nudges her nose against your cheekbone. âso pretty underneath me.â
and god, you are so pretty underneath her. white off-the-shoulder top skewed from her touches, lips swollen, soft locks of hair splayed around your head. that look in your eyes that says iâm yours, please take me. she wants to hear you scream her name.
the lewd, wet sounds of your make-out sesh go right to her cunt; she doesnât even realize sheâs grinding down against you until she feels your hips move in response, in search of friction. the sensation draws a ragged moan from her, and then sheâs grabbing at your thighs with a touch that will certainly bruise. you wonât be wearing a skirt this short tomorrow.
âtake this off,â you breathe when you pull back from the heated kiss. youâre tugging at her tattered band tee. âand your pants.â
a surprised huff of laughter leaves her lips. âwhoa there, sweetheart. you sure?â
her eyes find yours. sheâs just as turned on as you are, but she can still stop while sheâs ahead. now, if you get her down to her boxers? that might not be so easy to come back from.
you stare back at her, unblinking. âiâm sure.â
sitting back on her heels, ellie keeps her eyes on you while she works her shirt up over her head. she revels in the way your eyes leave hers, only to admire the sight of her naked torso, her ample tits with dusty rose nipples. your tongue swipes over your lips. her clit twitches.
she has to get up to take her pants off, and when she does, she notices that youâre not making any efforts to undress yourself. she stops with her belt unbuckled, button undone, zipper pulled down. âwhat, i donât get to see my girl naked?â
âonly if youâre good,â you say with a wicked smile. it catches her off guard, hearing a comment like that from you, but it does encourage her to push her jeans down to her ankles.
when she gets back on the bed and kisses you again, youâre not as soft. not as pliable, like putty in her hands. no, youâre insistentâyour tongue breaches her mouth almost instantly and you lick into her until heâs nearly panting. youâre sitting up in your disheveled clothing, holding her face and kissing her like youâre going to swallow her whole. given the fact that youâre usually the one on the receiving end of kisses like this, ellieâs surprised. she breaks the kiss and gives you a look - one you feign ignorance to.
âiâmâsorry, am i reading this wrong? i thought⌠arenât you a virgin?â
you smile at her, eyes heavy-lidded. âoh, ellie, baby.â
the way you sound makes her go dizzy for a second. sultry, raspy, sexy. your voice mustâve dropped a couple octaves. youâre not a virgin, she suddenly realizes, not even close. not when youâre dipping your head into her neck and smothering her with hot, wet kisses, your hand moving to grope at the wet spot soaking through the thin fabric of her boxers, fingertips tracing heavy over the outline of her pussy. a moan leaves her lips before she can think to stifle it. worse, she bucks her hips up to chase your touch.
you suck your teeth. disapproving.
âeager, arenât you?â you move to climb off the bed, kneeling beside it. the sensation of your fingers, skating right over the waistband of her boxers, makes her whimper. she whimpers.
âbaby, youâre killing me,â she chokes out. you run a french-tipped nail over her sparse happy trail. she bites her lip.
âi know,â you respond, and your voice is still sickly sweet. âbut iâll take care of you, el. donât you want that?â
sheâs not sure what that means exactly, but she finds herself nodding quickly.
turns out that it means eating her pussy like a fucking porn star.
youâd ripped off her boxers in one swift motion, then spit a glob of saliva onto her flushed, aching clit. wasting no time at all, youâd slid your fingers through her cunt with the lubrication of your own spit, and finally, when she didnât think it could get better, youâd put your mouth on her. and thatâs what itâs been like for the past few minutes. youâre tongue-fucking her now, face buried so deep between her legs she canât imagine how youâre not gasping and sputtering for air.
âjesus christ, babe,â she gasps, involuntarily thrusting her hips up. your tongue pushes further into the constricting heat of her cunt and she throws her head back, overcome with bliss. but then youâre pulling back, mouth leaving her soaked pussy. the loss makes her whine again.
âwhâwhat happened?â sheâs dazed.
âyouâre being a fucking brat,â you respond as you rub a hand over your mouth to wipe away the wetness. âcanât just let me eat you out, huh? have to push it. god, ellie.â
you sound genuinely pissed off, so she flushes red with embarrassment and gives you an apologetic look. âiâm so sorry, i couldnâtââ
ââcouldnât control yourself?â
she stares, mouth hanging open. you laugh, a humorless chuckle. and then youâre standing up, reaching under your skirt to slide your panties down your thighs.
âlisten, baby,â you say as you step out of your underwear and move to straddle your girlfriendâs thighs. âif weâre gonna fuck, you need to learn how to control yourself. be a good girl for me. can you do that?â
in all of her daydreams about your first time having sex as a couple, sheâd never imagined this.
âyes,â she hears herself say. âi can do that.â
âdo what?â
âi canâŚâ ellieâs cunt weeps another rush of wetness. âi can be a good girl.â
satisfied, you reach down to swipe your fingers through her foldsâstill sticky and wet from your unfinished head. âwhen i ride you, i donât want to hear a sound. okay?â
âo-okay.â sheâd agree to anything at this point. sheâs under a trance. your rose-scented, strawberry-flavored hypnotism.
when you finally slide into a comfortable position, bare, soaked cunts sliding against one another, she bites her tongue so hard she swears she tastes blood. a strangled, ragged sigh leaves her nose, nostrils flaring as you lift your hips and move them back again. youâre wet, soft, and skilled with your hips. everything sheâs dreamed of and more. she wants to moan your name, but the way youâre looking at her, like a siren ready to drag her underwater, it keeps her from making a single fucking peep. she lets you take what you need, content to stare in awe as your tits bounce beneath your pristine white shirt.
âdoing so well for me,â you praise, hips circulating in a good rhythm now. âyou can talk, babyâtell me, howâs my pussy feel?â
âfuuuuck,â she practically wails, âyouâre so good, god, feels sâfucking good.â
âmm,â you hum. youâve found a rotation to hit a spot that fills you with white-hot pleasure, and each time you lift your hips and rub against her again, you feel yourself getting closer and closer to an orgasm. âyour cunt feels good, el. might come soon, would you like that?â
she nods. you can feel her hips twitch, like sheâs dying to fuck herself up against you, but youâre so close to the edge that you donât have it in you to chastise her. you do, however, have it in you to tell her, âbeg for my cum, then. be a good girl, you said youâd be a good girl.â
âplease,â she gasps, feeling your cunt twitch against hers, âplease, baby, need your cum.â
sheâs getting close too, so she doesnât feel embarrassed that youâve got her whining, desperate for you to cream all over her. itâs hot, actually, the fact that sheâs begging for you. her sweet, innocent little girlfriend, giving her the ride of her life and making her beg for you. sheâd never considered this. stupid of her.
emboldened by her impending orgasm, ellie reaches for one of your hands and moves it from her shoulder to her throat. her eyes are wide and pleading when you look down at her. relief overcomes her features when you adjust your grip and then squeeze, her pulse thudding beneath your fingertips.
this is new for her. itâs all new for her. but when you come with your hand around her throat and your cunt sliding, drenched, against hers, she canât help but scold herself internally for not doing this sooner. you donât whimper or cry when you come, but you do say her name, drawing it out in that low, gravelly voice of yours that she hadnât heard until today. and thatâs enough for her to reach her own high, coming with a ragged groan. a mistake that she doesnât process until sheâs spent, panting, still dizzy with the fading pleasure that leaves her in waves.
youâve gone still on top of her.
she looks at you and finds your expression displeased.
âiâmâshit, iâm so sorry. iâm so sorry, sweetheart, I really wasnât thinking.â
âi can tell,â you say, voice flat. she moves to lift you from her lap, intending to get up and clean you both up, but you swat her hands away. âdid i say weâre done?â
she stutters for a second before she can get out real words. âno, youâŚdidnât.â
âi can tell youâre going to be a tough one,â you sigh, âbut youâll learn.â
and with that, you start moving your hips again. the overstimulation on ellieâs still-sensitive clit makes her jolt, but one pointed look from you has her going still again. your hips form slow, narrow circles. cum seeps out of your cunt and leaks down onto hers.
after an agonizing minute or two, the pain of overstimulation melts into pleasure. you notice ellieâs expression change, a wrinkle forming between her brows again.
âthereâs a good girl.â your praise is music to her ears. her lips open to allow her to breathe as heavy as she needs to, heaving gasps that go straight to your sopping cunt. you gush even wetter.
âmmph, fuck,â ellie groans. she shoots a worried glance up at your domineering face, but when she finds that youâre gazing down at her with unbridled lust in your eyes, she relaxes again.
âyou can make as much noise as you want now, pretty girl,â you assure her. âi wanna hear how good i make you feel. even when youâveâmm, even when youâve been a bad girl. and you donât deserve it.â
if she werenât already turned on again, she is now. you start to ride her in earnest again, fucking down onto her in a rhythm that has the entire room ringing out with sounds of skin slapping against skin. she grabs your hips to hold herself steady, but then you push her shoulders until she falls back onto the mattress. your hands grab her wrists, and sheâs entirely unsurprised when you pin them above her head and ride her faster, harderâsheâs unsurprised, but it still makes her cry out in pleasure.
âbaby, i need you to apologize,â you coo down at ellie as you continue your relentless riding.
âh-huh?â
âapologize for coming without permission,â you clarify, voice just a little strained.
âoh,â ellie says. her brows are pulled together; her face is all twisted up in an absolutely sinful expression, one that makes your cunt feel impossibly wetter. âiâm sorry, babe, i already said sorry.â
âthen say it again, if i tell you to.â you lift your hips until youâre barely touching her, and when she starts to sputter pathetic, whiny apologies in an endless stream, you drop your greedy cunt back onto hers.
âyou really are a brat,â you tell her. itâs getting harder to talk to her like this, straight-faced and patronizing, because youâre getting close again. but you steel yourself and go on. âsuch a bad girl, what should i do with you, hm?â
âanything,â ellie blabbers, wrists flexing in your grasp, âiâll do anythingâiâll let you do anything to me.â
âoh?â you smile, still gasping lungfuls of air, exhausted but chasing your second climax. you lean forward and lick along the angle of ellieâs jaw, up up up to her ear. she shivers violently as you whisper, âyouâd let me fuck your tight little hole?â
you canât see her face with your mouth against her neck, kissing and sucking and biting at her sensitive skin, but you imagine that she looks shocked. and you donât blame her. youâve got your good girl act down, you have for years. and ellie fell for it, bless her heart. she probably thought this would go differently; probably imagined sheâd be the one overstimulating you and making you whine and beg and whimper, shaking like a leaf as you near another orgasm. but here you are.
and youâre glad she so obviously likes it.
âyes,â ellie hisses through her teeth. âyes, yes, iâdâyou could fuck me, whatever you want.â
âbet youâd love it,â you tell her honestly. âyouâd love having your pretty pussy stuffed with my cock, wouldnât you?â
youâre practically dripping sweat at this point from the exertion of tribbing, clothes clinging to your body with perspiration. under your skirt, ellieâs pelvis is drenched with sex.
âyessssss,â she cries out, eyes squeezing shut. âiâd l-love it, yes, fuckâŚâ
âare you gonna come for me, pretty girl? you canâyouâve already made such a mess.â
sheâs nodding, gasping. crying, even. you donât notice until she sniffles, drawing your attention to her reddened face. her cheeks shine with tears. you coo a gentle good girl at her and she lets a high moan loose.
âcome, el. come for me.â
she doesnât need much encouragement, she really doesnât, but your command pushes her over the edge. coming with a cry that nearly tears her throat apart, she shakes and shivers in your hold until you finally let up and slow your rolling hips. ellie looks so beautiful when she comes, and right after, too. dazed, pussy drunk, eyes foggy. lips chewed raw. tears still wet at the corners of her eyes.
âyou didnât come again,â she points out. she sounds so small.
âi know,â you agree. âbut you can fix that, sweet girl.â
finally releasing her wrists from your grip, you roll onto the bed beside her on your back. you reach a hand between your legs and swipe your fingers through the puffy folds of your cunt, releasing a satisfied hum when you feel how soaked you are.
youâre surprised when you look up and find her already making her way between your legs, eyes glued to your pussy.
âi can fix it,â she repeats. âcan i taste you?â
âoh, ellie,â you say, âi knew youâd be a good girl. go ahead.â
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can we see rafe with a pouge reader and they are dating. they go out to go grocery shopping and rafe sees that she has a calculator out and watches as she picks up an item then types it in the calculator and then puts it back and chooses a cheaper option and he has to tell her that she doesnât need to do that
birds of a feather - rafe cameron
word count: 2.9k belongs to this universe
The grocery store is quiet for a saturday afternoon, a rarity that makes the experience almost peaceful. Fluorescent lights buzz softly overhead as Rafe pushes a cart lazily with one hand, his other hand draped comfortably around his girl, you.Â
He catches your eye and smiles, relishing the way you always lean into him, your bodies fitting together perfectly. Dating you was like finding the missing piece of himselfâsomething he always knew he needed but never thought heâd find, let alone on the other side of the island.
Rafe grabs a box of cereal, tossing it into the cart without a second thought. âYou good on milk, babe?â he asks, scanning the shelves for anything else that might catch his eye.
You nodded absentmindedly, focusing elsewhere. He notices that you are holding your phone in one hand and have a small calculator app open. His brow furrows as he watches you pick up a box of pasta, glance at the price, and then quickly type something into the calculator. After a moment of calculation, you place the box back on the shelf and reach for a cheaper brand.
Rafe's heart clenches. He hadnât really thought about the differences between you in this way before. He knows you don't have the same privileges he doesâdidnât grow up in a life of luxury as he hadâbut itâs moments like this that make him feel like a fucking entitled douche.Â
He watches you do it again, this time with a jar of tomato sauce. You compare the prices, calculate the difference, and opt for the less expensive one.
âHey,â Rafe stops you as you reach for another item. âWhatâre you doing?â
You blink, as if coming out of a trance, and look up at him with almost embarrassed smile. âJust trying to make sure I stay within the budget. Groceries can add up, yâknow?â
He canât stand the idea of you worrying about something as basic as food. Sure, he understands budgetingâeveryone has to do it to some extentâbut this? This was different. This was a mindset.
He gently takes the phone from your hand and slips it into his back pocket, keeping your hand in his. âYou donât need to do that. Iâve got you, okay?â
âRafe, Iââ
âIâm serious,â he interrupted, âYou donât have to worry about the prices. Just get what you want. Weâre fine.â
You are gratefulâGod, you were always gratefulâbut thereâs something else, something that has kept you up at night.
You hate relying on him. Not because you donât trust him or appreciate everything he does for you, but because it reminds you of the whispers youâve been hearing ever since you started dating.Â
You can almost hear the voices now, like a nagging reminder in the back of your mind. âGold digger,â theyâd hiss. âDirty Pogue. Look at her, clinging to him for the money. Sheâs got him wrapped around her finger, totally pussy-whipped.â
The rumors had messed with your head the first time youâd heard them, and even now, they still hurt, despite knowing they werenât true. But the worst part is that a small, insecure part of you hates there might be some truth to what they said. You didnât want Rafe to feel like he had to take care of you, or that you were using him for his money. You love him too much to ever want him to think that.
You glance at him, watching as he casually tosses another item into the cart without checking the price, without even a second thought. Heâs so at ease, so unbothered by the things that you had worried about during your entire lifetime. You canât help but feel guilty, like youâre dragging him down, making him take on responsibilities that should be yours alone.Â
A you walk down another aisle, you keep your eyes on the floor, as you force the words out. âI know youâre just trying to help, and I really appreciate it, but I donât want you to feel like you have to take care of me.â
Rafe stops in his tracks, turning to face you fully. His brows knit together in concern like he genuinely can't grasp what you just said.
âI donât feel like that,â he says,âI want to take care of you because I love you. Itâs not about feeling like I have toâitâs because I want to.â
âBut I hear what people say, Rafeââ
âThey donât know shit,â he scoffs, hand wrapping tightly around the cart, âThey donât know. Anyone who says otherwise can go fuck themselves.â
You sigh, your shoulders slumping as you lean into him, âItâs not that simple, baby. But I appreciate the thought.â
His other hand tilts your chin up so youâre looking directly at him, âIt is that simple. I love you. You love me. Thatâs it.â
You know he means it, that heâs not just saying it to please you, but it doesnât make the worries disappear. You nod, giving him a small smile, but he knows your brain is working double shifts, imagining all kinds of scenarios.
He sighs, knowing this conversation is far from over, and presses a gentle peck against your temple, all while murmuring, âLetâs finish up here and get out of this place.â
You agree, and the two of you continue down the aisle. Your hands are itching to take your phone out of his back pocket, and your brain scrambling to do simple math. You hate it. You automatically reach for the off-brand items, skip over the more expensive snacks, and choose the smaller sizes of products to stretch your budget. Rafe is abnormally quiet and you know itâs taking every will power in his body not to pick you up and lock you in his truck while he finishes shopping for you.Â
He pauses in front of the snacks aisle, his eyes catching on your favorite candy. Itâs something he knows you love but rarely allow yourself to buy. Without hesitation, he grabs a couple of bags and tosses them into the cart.
âRafe, those are expensiveââ you start to protest, but he cuts you off with a playful grin.
âTheyâre my favorite too.â
You open your mouth to argue, but the way he looks at you, with so much affection, makes the words die on your lips. Instead, you shake your head huffing as he wraps his arm around your shoulders dragging you along, âYouâre so annoying.â
âDonât be mean, baby.â
You squeeze his waist in retaliation.Â
When you finally reach the checkout line, he watches as you nervously glance at the total on the screen. Itâs a small thing, for him, but itâs enough to make him realize just how much it affects you. Without saying a word, he hands over his card to the cashier, ignoring the way you try to protest.
âRafe, you donât have toââ you start, but he shakes his head, cutting you off.
âI know,â he says firmly, âBut I want to.â
You bite your lip, nodding reluctantly as he pays for the groceries. Itâs a small gesture, but it means the world to him. He wants to take care of you, to make sure you never have to worry about something as basic as food ever again. He wants to give you the life you deserve, the one you never experienced on The Cut.
He opens the trunk of his car, starting to load the groceries while you stand there, too quiet. He hates not hearing the sound of your voice.Â
âHey,â he closes the trunk and turning to face you. âWhat is it?â
âNothing.â
He steps closer, his hand finding a home in your neck, thumb caressing your pulsing point, âForget about them okay?â
You sigh, forehead touching his chin, âIâm trying. I just donât want to be a burden to you. I donât want you to feel like you have to take care of me.â
âYouâre not a burden,â he says firmly, fingers pulling your head up, his blue eyes locking onto yours with an intensity that, no matter how often it happens, still takes your breath away. âYouâre the best thing thatâs ever happened to me. Now get that fine ass inside the car.â
You canât help but laugh at the way he says it, so casually and with so much conviction that it leaves no room for you to second guess his thoughts. His confidence, his overwhelming trust in everything that he says, is one of the things you love most about him. Heâs always been like thatâbold, sure of himself, and unafraid to go after what he wants. And right now, what he wants is you.Â
âWhy?â You tease, rolling your eyes but smiling as you let him guide you toward the car âYou gonna make me if I donât?â
You wish you could photograph the grin on his face, the way his beautiful eyes seem to drink you in like heâll die if he doesnât look at you all the time.Â
âOh, you know I will,â he says as he steps closer, his hand slipping down to give your ass a firm but playful slap. The sound echoes through the quiet parking lot, and you gasp, more from surprise than anything else.
âRafe!â you scold, though your laughter makes it known thereâs no real annoyance. The smirk on his face only grows, clearly pleased with himself.
âConsider that a warning,â he leans in closer, his breath warm against your ear. âIâd hate to have to follow through.â
You try to hold back a grin, biting your lip as you tilt your head to look up at him.Â
âYou wouldnât dare.â
âWouldnât I?â His tone is a challenge.
For a moment, you consider pushing more just to see what heâd do, but the way heâs looking at youâlike heâs ready to scoop you up and take you back to his bed right then and thereâmakes you rethink it. Instead, you play along, giving him a coy smile as you turn and head for the door.
âThatâs what I thought,â he calls after you, his deep voice filled with a smug satisfaction that makes you roll your eyes again. Before you can reach for the door handle, he gently pulls it open for you. You slide into the passenger seat, and before you touch the seatbelt, Rafe is leaning in, his hands brushing over yours as he clicks the belt into place.
âSafe and sound,â he murmurs, as he pulls back slightly. Itâs something so simple, yet so endearing he has insisted on doing ever since the two of you started dating.
You smile up at him, practically oozing in your love for him as your hand reaches up to brush a stray lock of hair from his forehead.
âThank you."
His gaze softens as he leans down to press a tender kiss to your lips, âAnything for you,â he whispers, his thumb brushing lightly across your cheek before he finally steps back and closes the door.
As he rounds the front of the car to get in on his side, you canât help but watch him. It still blows your mind that this is real. The way he looks at you, the way he takes care of you without making you feel smallâitâs everything you never knew you needed. Youâre still not used to someone loving you like this, so openly. You never imagined Rafe Cameron would be that someone.Â
He starts the engine, the low hum filling the silence between you. The radio automatically tunes to a soft indie station, one of your favorites, and Rafe reaches over to lace his fingers with yours.Â
âIâm cooking tonight.â
You turn to him, even though you know his attention is on the road, âReally?â
Rafeâs thumb absentmindedly rubs circles on the back of your hand, âHmmm.â
âSo you can burn down the kitchen again?â
âBaby, that was one time.â
You snort, the image of Rafe with a fire extinguisher still fresh in your memory, âWhatâs on the menu?â
He grins, âI was thinking we could make that pasta you like, with the garlic bread.â
Your heart swells a little at the thoughtfulness behind his choice. He remembers all the little thingsâyour favorite foods, the way you like your coffee, the songs that make you smile.
âAre you trying to get laid?â
He laughs, loud and boisterous as he lifts your hand to his lips and presses a soft kiss to your knuckles, âSo you donât want desert?â
You hit his shoulder gently, all too aware youâre still in a moving vehicle, âDonât be nasty.â
His touch moves to your thighs, squeezing gently, "Can't help it when I'm around you."
The smile tugging at your lips is impossible to hide. There's something so easy about being with Rafe, despite everything. Despite the whispers, the looks, the insecurities that sometimes creep inâhe has a way of making you feel like none of it matters.Â
The city lights begin to twinkle on the horizon, the sun dipping low in the sky. It's peaceful, the kind of quiet that lets you sink into yourself. The idea of a cozy night in, just the two of you cooking dinner together, fills you with a warmth that has nothing to do with the summer heat outside.
Rafe glances over at you, a soft smile playing on his lips. "Penny for your thoughts?"
You shake your head, the smile widening on your face. "Just thinking about how lucky I am."
He quirks an eyebrow, "I think I'm the lucky one."
"Yeah, but you're also really annoying," you tease, earning a chuckle from him.
"Annoying but irresistible," he counters smoothly, pulling into the driveway of his houseÂ
He parks the car and quickly rounds the front to open your door, always the gentleman. As you step out, you look up at him, your heart swelling with a love so deep it almost overwhelms you. It's not just the grand gestures or the way he spoils youâit's the little things, the way he makes you feel cherished, the way he sees you for who you are and loves you anyway.
"Ready for our gourmet meal?" he asks as he takes your hand, leading you towards the front door.
You laugh, leaning into him as you walk. "If by gourmet you mean slightly burnt, then yes."
He chuckles, his arm slipping around your waist as he presses a kiss to the top of your head. "With you, it's always perfect."
Before you can walk through the front door, he stops all too suddenly, dragging you against him. Youâre confused for a second, looking up to see him ogle you.
âWhat?â You stutter out, âSomethingâs wrong?â
Rafe shakes his head, a smile tugging at the corners of his pink lips as he looks down at you with that same adoring expression that never fails to make your heart  stop. "No, nothingâs wrong.â
You blink up at him, still confused, âRafe...â
 âI know you worry sometimes. About what people say, about what they think. But I donât give a fuck about any of that. I only care about you, about us.â His hand moves to cup your face, his thumb moving gently along your cheekbone. âI love you, yâknow that? Right? Aways.â
Your breath hitches at the sudden emotion in his voice. Itâs random moments like this that remind you why you fell in love with him in the first placeâbeneath the confident, cocky exterior, Rafe Cameron has a heart that beats fiercely for the people he cares about, especially for you.Â
âI love you,â you whisper, feeling the words settle between you like a vow.
âI love you more,â he replies, his voice full of conviction. Then, with a small grin, he adds, âAnd Iâm gonna marry you someday. Weâre gonna have our own place, our own life. Just you and me.â
Itâs not the first time youâve talked about the future, but hearing him say it so plainly, so confidently, sends a warmth spreading through your whole body.
âIs that a proposal, Cameron?â you tease, though your voice wavers just a little, eyes burning as you pathetically attempt not to cry.
âNot yet,â he smirks, leaning down to press a peck to the corner of your lips, âBut when I do, youâll know. Itâs gonna be perfect. Just like you.â
You pull back slightly, resting your forehead against his as you take a deep breath, trying to calm the stupid fluttering in your chest. âYou mean it?â
âMore than anything,â he replies without hesitation. âI want to build a life with you, baby. The kind of life where you never have to worry about anything, where you can just be happy.â
Tears form at the corners of your eyes, but theyâre the good kind, the kind that comes from being overwhelmed with love. So different from the ones youâd experienced as a kid, growing up. You nod, not sure how to explain how youâre feeling inside, so instead, you pull him down for another kiss, letting your lips show what your voice canât.
You kiss each other like you have all the time in the world, which you have, savoring the way your lips fit perfectly against his. Thereâs no rush, no urgencyâjust you two.Â
When you pull apart, both of you slightly breathless, Rafe gives you a lopsided grin, his lips just barely grazing yours as he speaks, âSo, how about we start with dinner?â
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