#but god what i would give for a new job im so miserable

[blueblurseptember]

and if i say luo binghe and shen qingqiu / shen yuan are very miles morales and gwen stacey coded, then what?

[strayheat]

it's okay guys we just have to get through thursday and friday we're good

[dittolicous]

sighs. i have had so much free time because of my cut hours but its. still left me with nothing to do, since i have to save as much money as possible while looking for another job. so i sleep, wake up, look to see if there are any new job postings on indeed/linkedin/ziprecruit/monster/etc, dig farther into google for more sketchy job openings, think about what company sites i can check for direct jobs, check those sketchy 'surveys for money' sites,... and then i go back to sleep. because well. cant be hungry or waste money if ur asleep.

i just. im miserable. i have so much time but i cant even enjoy or use it because im going to start bleeding money i dont have soon. im fucking terrified of not being able to find a new job, of being stuck in this... dead end job. unable to get off this damn island. it makes me sick. so im bored and guilty and scared and i just gucking hate this!

im so fuckibg tired of living in this godforsaken world where you only deserve to live if you give up everything. honestly, i wish someone would just. fuckibg come beat me up. wish my parents had actually fucking hit me instead of just yelling and insults. wish i was missing limbs or brain fuction or just. anything. anything to get the world to see i cant function.

im an empty brained idiot. i dont have any passion or self. how am i suppose to live? id rather be a fucking shattered glass than an empty jar. but thats what i am.

god i just. how???? how????? how do people... live????? how do you create and make.... your brand or personality? i cant make any of that. im just here. breathing. not for any reason. thats how its always been. everytime i see jokes about what kind of 'weird kid' you were i want to cry. because ive never been fucking anything! i wasnt a horse girl or a cat girl or train person or dinosaur nut or a monster fan and never cared about Egypt or rome or didnt care for legos or cars or model building or WHATEVER. ive just! been here! with nothing! im not ANYTHING. i dont have hobbys. ive nev r had hobbies.

ive always been alone and empty. disconnected from the world. disconnected from the community. disconnected from everyone.

my life is nothing. has been nothing. just a waste of time and space. nothing to show but misery and anger. theres no escaping it. i wish i was an actual person instead of this empty sack of nothing.

get hobbies they say, thatll help, yeah surs. sure. hobbies. to store in my roach and rat infested house, where i hide away in a tiny room because its the only space i have that i can control. with the money that i dont have. alone. because im terrible at bonding with people. because why would any human wanna hang around me? and because i tire so fucking fast.

i just. i wish i was fucking dead. im tired of this stupid fucking world. thinking things might get bettrr jusy to have reality forced into my face. im a piece of garbage npc who would have been better never being born.

[just-rogi]

I’m and adult and generally desensitized to the things my students say to me (because I’m good at my job) and sure my kids have said hurtful things but I can let them go, but god there are parts of this job that are just.. I don’t know? Uniquely painful and tragic?

I’m usually pretty unperturbed by homophobia because I’m a big girl, grew up in a small town, and grew a thick skin. You can’t really do nonprofit work without hearing some insane shit from people who want you dead- and I’ve been hearing it since I started volunteering at age 17. All this is to say that I’m really unphased by general homophobia.

Im not exactly waving around rainbow flags in the classroom but if the kids ask about my life I don’t lie about it and have been casually out and an ally for the queer students who just want a teacher to talk to when they feel so isolated, just to exist as a happy queer adult living my life can be a radical act for these kids who may not be able to picture a future where they can just exist as themselves. God this post is way longer than I intended,

But this is all to say that generally shit doesn’t get to me especially at my job, but I had a little boy today who ADORED me. Like this boy followed me around like a puppy and loved to show me his drawings and his homework and would literally cheer out loud whenever he found out that I was covering his class. The kids generally like me because I’m one of the young teachers and I’m not actively trying to make them miserable (low bar I know) but I’ve got a few for who I’m a definite clear favorite and this kid was one of them. Well some of my girls were asking if I had a crush on [other young male teacher] I laughed it off and said no and another student said she heard a rumor I liked girls instead and I said that’s true ((they then proceeded to ask if I have a crush on any female techers, so o appreciate the unending dedication of 13 year old girls to setting up their adult teachers lmao))

But this one male student who’s listening to all this looks horrified, like genuinely deeply personally hurt, and gets upset saying “NO! You can’t be ! why does this happen to me I really liked you” and “I thought you were a normal teacher” and I laughed it off at first thinking he was just having a dramatic moment but he kept going, repeating that he has to tell his parents now and that he’s Christian, and I very gently told him that I’m the same teacher he’s had all year and has loved- I haven’t changed because he knows something new about me, and this boy says “yeah but now I feel different about you I see you different “ repeating that his parents are Christian’s , and it is killing me- not because I’m particularly hurt by the opinion of a middle school boy, but because someone taught my sweet kind student to hate. Someone took this boy and taught him something that, in an instant, makes him no longer like his favorite teacher.

He was clearly working through something because later in class one of the kids was listening to music on YouTube (THEY SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ON YOUTUBE BTW THAT WAS NIT THE ASSIGNMENT) and this kid points at another students computer and shouts across the classroom “SHUT THAT OFF THATS SIMMER MUSIC- IT WAS MADE BY A GAY PERSON AND IM CHRISTIAN” now he’s never done anything like that, even his classmates were shocked. I don’t know if he was trying to process his feelings or if he just wanted to try hurt me or what, but it was so out of character. Just generally I’ve been trying to understand my own feelings about this situation because I still love my students and will continue to be patient with them and give them a place to grow while I’m just existing as someone comfortable in my own skin, but it still left me with a strange feeling. There are people teaching their children to hate and I can only do so much to shape a generation of kind, empathetic, good people entering the world feeling safe and loved. I love my job but sometimes it does hurt knowing how good I am at my job it will never be enough

[antixs]

Hello

I graduated 1 month ago and I do not know what I am doing. I have this “plan” to travel but with no real plan. I felt so confident while living in my apartment before graduation about my plans to travel and now that I am back at home, I feel stuck and misguided. I felt this enormous to get a “big girl” job and join the LinkedIn bullshit workforce. I don't want this life. I would sell myself short and be a copout if I did. I have so much potential for other things and I am the ripe age of 23 and ready to figure these things out. I’ve been doing what I “should” be by updating my resume, applying for jobs, going on interviews, and I am miserable. I am so lonely living at home. I feel myself regressing. I know that God only gives their toughest battles to their strongest soldiers, but damn I want out. It’s been rough living at home, without a job, without school, without a purpose. I feel like I do not have any meaning and there is this deep urge to bring meaning to my life. I want to travel abroad. I have never left North America and I am so jealous of all those people out exploring and living their dreams. I guess my fears are being lonely...getting kidnapped...getting raped....and getting robbed. I can take being lonely and getting robbed. However, the other two I don't know about. I mean I’ve already been raped and I am still here thriving so, they can't take that away from me. I guess getting kidnapped or murdered, wouldn't be ideal, but what’s the likelihood that actually happens if im being smart. I think I need to trust myself and just do it. I will never feel ready and I also would regret bringing someone. I need to do this by myself and I need to prove to myself I can. I am so smart and capable. I think the fear holding me back is ... im realizing right now the fears I have are just excuses. I can navigate places I have never been, I can navigate public transpiration and flights, I can talk to people, I can rely on my gut intuition, I can be aware of my surroundings, I can use google translate, I can do this! The only thing holding me back is me ! I feel like im in a limbo stage with multiple directions my life could go. I think I want to go global !!! I would regret it forever if I didn't prove to myself that I can travel the world by myself. I am so friendly and kind and I think it would be a really good way to make friends, meet new people, learn new cultures and languages, experience new things, and make ever lasting memories. I’ve always hated the Orange County bubble and I refuse to stay in this bitch forever. I will be an international woman and I refuse to let anyone, including myself, hold me back. I need to plan. I need to purchase and pack. I need to earn some money. I need to handle my ticket in Utah. It would be irresponsible to base this decision before I attend court. I really hope everything works out the way it's meant to and I learn a lot from these experiences and my future. Today I am no longer going to sit still and be moody. I want to workout again and chase my passions. I want to work at another ski resort this winter. I want to chase powder. I want to work in a national forest. I want to travel the world. I want to give back. I am feeling very inspired by the YesTheory on Youtube. I wish I was friends with these guys and they would just invite me to Europe lol. I think life is about having fun, loving others, giving back, and doing what makes you happy. I refuse to let others expectations of me get in the way of what I really want to do. I think I should start a YouTube too. Ive been saying I want to start a YouTube channel since I was 12 years old. I always think it's too late or too embarrassing but fuck that! I just need to start. It's for me. I want to share with the world my experiences and my hobbies and my dreams. I dream of visiting every country and meeting all types of people, and experiencing all kinds of new experiences. I dream of touching the people I meet and I hope they touch me as well. I dream of personal growth and transformation. I dream of community and friendship. I dream of opportunities. I dream of nature and exploring the vast majority of it. I love this Earth and all the people on it. I want to see it for myself. I have lived my entire life in a bubble judging from the outside. I will not let fear stop me. I want to see how other people live, what other people eat, and how other people experience life! This rant feels amazing and I feel so inspired. I have neglected my spirituality since I moved home and it feels so nice to dive back into it! Thank you! I love you! and you will hear from me soon with adventure updates! This page will no longer be posted on just when I am sad but when I am happy, when I am inspired, when I am excited! 

[yellow-sprouts]

I want to write a story where the main charecter is one of those classic "Chosen one" archetypes. They were no one- shunned by their neighbors and abandoned by their people- then the former heros come along claiming that A is part of some grand prophecy.

They are taken to paradise - suddenly surrounded by friends and mentors - and for once in their life, they feel SEEN. But it also feels conditional - of course, they push those hesitations aside because they have a job to do in taking down BBG. They don't feel up to the task - who are they to take down BBG when they're some nobody who just so happens to be "gifted" by a God they don't believe in.

But what about when they finally meet BBG? Not in the middle of some battle - but heading back to their camp after the rest of their friends stay out partying - just saying they were tired and wanted to sleep. They run into BBG in the woods, which introduces themselves, and of course, A freaks out. But seeing BBG has no imminent incentive to hurt them, they hear them out.

The main villain wasn't born powerful. They were cunning, crafted, and forged an empire, They tell the hero this, their stories seeming all too similar.

"You're right, you know - you * aren't * some sort of secret weapon... you're just a kid. One who was targeted by these fallen heros and molded into what they wished themselves to be, you're smart, so im sure you've noticed it too.

How you always seem to be pushed towards what *they* want and expect of you

Do you really think that any of your so-called friends would even bother giving you the loose coins in their pouches if you weren't this divine chosen one? They don't care about you. They care about the person they imagine you to be, nothing more.

You're the sacrificial lamb to their agendas... be smarter than that - and don't be wasted down to some vessel they pump power into and discard once you've fulfilled your purpose"

"So that gives you three options- either you follow through with this and hope the friends you made in this short time, are as true as they present themselves to be, as if they'd pay you any mind if you were just **you** and not the chosen one

Or you could go home. You could throw in the towel and admit that this is more than you can handle - I assure you I wouldn't fault you for it- and neither should anyone else not ready to take the responsibility in your place

**Or**

You could join me.

All that power and training would be a waste to just go back to that miserable life you lived before, but with me? You will Forge your *own* destiny - not as some Chosen one - but as my right hand in the dawn of a new era"

The Villian was right - it wasn't a matter of the hero growing into what the "chosen one" was supposed to be. He could have easily been one of thousands, but here he had a chance to take fate by its reins and change the world for those thousands left behind.

"I don't expect you to choose right away - it's a lot I know - and you'd be seen as the new enemy to your friends. But you've been gifted. You have your past that shaped you, and you have the power and opportunity to demand change for the injustice these elites would rather sweep under the rug. It's easier to put one man's head on a pike than save millions from a system built against them from day one"

Anyway that's just a random dabble- but I'm very invested in the idea of the chosen one not just "getting over" their past. Knowing that fate could've just as easily picked someone else. They can either follow the "Heros" path their being nudged on, accept the new life at face value and maintain it with the condition that they prove useful enough in saving the world.

OR They can use the power they've gained and choose their own path, one far more uncertain but one that they have personal agenda in seeing played out. They've seen the suffering and know that killing BBG will just cause a rise to another.

AKA GIVE ME CUNNING HERO WHO REFUSES TO BE "BOUGHT IN" BY SUPERFICIAL FRIENDSHIPS AND LAVISH LIFESTYLES THAT HE WOULD HAVE BEEN DENIED HAD HE BEEN ANYONE ELSE.

[chososcamgirl]

HIHIHHIII HOW ARE YOUUU

i didn’t send an ask yesterday cuz i was so sleepy💔💔

ANEEWAYSSS I FINISHED SEASON 3 OF DEMON SLAYER!!!! im addicted to this show even tho it’s so sad😞

omg i sound so stupid for saying this but i’ve noticed for the past two months or smth i’ve been putting on a pimple patch EVERYDAY cuz i’d get a lot of pimples and stuff but these past two days i haven’t put on any since i haven’t been getting any pimples🥳🥳

omg is it normal for me to feel bad about disliking a girl who literally hates on my friend.. THE REASON I FEEL BAD IS CUZ THE GIRL WAS OFFERING ME FRIED CHICKEN AFTER I DIDNT GET ANY LUNCH SINCE I FIRGOT MY MONEY😭 so i just POLITELY declined.. still don’t like her tho..

AGHHH IN GONNA GO INSANE today i was doing an in class science prject and my two friends were supposed to be helping me BUT THEY WERE JUST SITTIBF THE WHOLE TIME DOING NOTHIBG and i saw friend 1 pull friend 2 away while i was doing the project and i heard friend 1 saying to friend 2 how my face looked weird😞 i’m telling you if i wasn’t friends with friend 2 she would be FAILING geography and science.. like girl idk why you’re talking abt me like that💔

i also got a new diamond nose stud for my nose piercing😋😋 i still remember the pain from when i got my nose pierced in june.. i wish i did it by needle instead cuz i did it by gun and that shit was PAINFUL like tears were coming out of my eyes.. and my other ear piercings literallt did not hurt AT ALL.

i’m trying so hard not to drop the friend group that my twin friends are in.. like i personally don’t like the people they’re friends with because of some circumstances but i just don’t like being around those people since they’re bad influences.. i’m thinking i can just keep talking to one of twins since she’s like my close friend but just not hangout with her during lunch since she’s always with her brother and that friend group IDFK WHAT TO DOOOO😫😫😫😫

anyways.. i think that’s enough of my talking.. I HIPE YOU YAVE A LOVELY DAY/NIGHT!!!🫶🏼🫶🏼

-🪼

HI 🪼 ANON!! <33

again sorry for the delay i see u i love u and i appreciate u <3 YAYYY HELLO?? that went by so fast istg you just started it… BUT ALSO i hate when a good show ends like TOP 3 BIGGEST HEARTBREAKS IDC💔💔 YAY FOR NO PIMPLES!! im so happy for u bb <3 !! looks like accutane is doing the job fr🙂‍↕️

UM NO THATS NORMAL IF ANYTHING.. like why r u hating on my friend like… that just gives off weird loser vibes i can’t stand ppl who actually like people who r hating on their friends so GOOD FOR U GIRL 🫵🫵

NO WTF THOSE ARE NOT UR FRIENDS?? on GOD if they ever do shit like that just straight up start jumping them bc why r they so obsessed with u… (don’t get me wrong i would be too) but they’re just ugly losers girl don’t even listen to them and they’re stupid and spending the rest of their lives being miserable <333 don’t let it get to u angel🙂‍↔️

OOOOOO omg i remember i used to want a nose pericing SO BAD but now i want back dermals LMFAO omg that’s so cute tho like i LOVE body jewellery like CUTEEE‼️‼️

girl if u want to drop them drop them i promise u people that actually deserve to be around u will come later 1000 percent like they’re just dragging u down and they such like such haters and bitter people like i wouldn’t want to be associated with them.. but still hang out w the twins if they’re good people bc they sound so!! :)

LMK HOS IT GOES ILY ANGEL <3

[crimsun-n-clover]

hey guys i’m evil again i’m eating dinner on the floor in the dark listening to kate bush and crying

my mother cleaned the bathroom which i’m grateful for, but her idea of cleaning is shoving everything i have in a drawer. like. even things i use daily. deodorant?? drawer. can’t let our hypothetical guests know i am in possession of it. and now i don’t know where any of my shit is because the drawer is so full it barely opens and it was really upsetting and i don’t even fully know why???

and then. as i’m trying not to cry. cammie was like hey are we still on for today. girl if i see you i will lose my MIND i can NOT put up with you telling me all the bad shit that’s happened to you recently because you don’t schedule enough therapy appointments. i care about you and your well being, you’re my friend, but i just can’t fucking do this man. we’re both miserable people with the same sense of humor but im not gonna baby you like you want me to today i’ll strangle you actually.

and so i go to the kitchen to get dinner and my fucking father is like why are you crying and when i start crying harder because i can’t make words and there’s nothing actually fucking WRONG he gets defensive like SORRY I EVEN ASKED GOD. i don’t want you up my ass and you claim “oh i worry about cha” i don’t even like you. you’re the root of like half my problems. cut the shit, i’m biding my time before i can cut you off. everything he’s worried about is just me existing. i can’t do this, i can’t do that, it’ll make him worry too much. i don’t want you around me. and as im typing this are you fuckinf KIDDING he texted me this shit and i have to gentle parent him because he thinks everything is about him.

the fucked up part that a lot of it is about him, but he has the most twisted fucking view of everything. he’s a miserable bastard and won’t even read my fucking text i’m gonna blow my brains out i would rather die than talk to you because when i DO you just find a way to make it about yourself and get mad at me and it fucking HAUNTS me. i have nightmares about it nearly every night. my friends are all “i had a funny dream” and i’m like “haha yeah me too” and it was just a manifestation of my trauma

and my plans for yesterday were to go to ulta for the UD sale (they closed early) and to target for the colourpop new release (didn’t have it on the floor yet) so i didn’t get to have what i had been looking forward to

and the day before that i had such a bad doordash shift that i tried to call support to fix something and it would only send me to the automated thing while i was crying in a pizza shop parking lot because i live in a shithole and get orders stolen regularly and they’re like “that’s suspicious and if it happens again it will effect your stats that decide whether or not you keep your job” and after that i get a five dollar order that says cash will also be given at delivery which is normal, sometimes people tip me in person but there hasn’t been a badge in the app for it. and a pop up comes up and says “customer will give 109.35 on delivery, which will be taken out of you next paycheck because you already have it” and i was like there’s no fucking WAY that has to be a typo and have a breakdown about losing 109 fucking dollars. and i get sent with this huge fucking order to the shadiest apartment complex (full on fucking empty liquor bottles on the walkways and sickly stray cats running around) and i can’t even find which one it is, and so i call the customer and they don’t speak any fucking english and i just walked around until i found them. they handed me 120 and doordash said “any additional money is yours to keep as a tip” IS THIS NOT ALREADY MY MONEY i hate it here. this has to be some kind of promotional thing where they’re gonna get it in credits or something. but yeah now i THINK i have to work until i earn 109?? i’m so confused and scared. i was gonna take a shift today but i can’t handle this right now man.

and i canceled dnd on friday bc maggie was busy but also because i hate my party. daisy makes it a nightmare. she thinks she’s funny but she’s just incompetent and destructive. i don’t want to dm for her and it’s discouraging to write a campaign that gets derailed when i have a good outline and even a twist ending and lore and shit.

yesterday cal kept texting me and i was just annoyed. i care what they have to say and want to talk to them but i’m just so sick of everything right now. i’m angry at everything and don’t want to take it out on anyone but no one will leave me alone.

i don’t take joy in things. i can’t take this shit anymore man. everything i do gets fucked up

i need to get out of here this is actually endangering me at this point

[sadistic-softie]

Sometimes I need to stop, take a step back, and ask myself, "Am I ok?" and the answer is always, "uuhh?????????"

therapy gets so repetative and exhausting. When am i gonna move on from complaining about the same problems actually get to the helping part? And how many therapists is it gonna take before I get there? I'm on number...7??? 8? 9???? and i hate that every single one of them has been like, ~most therapists go through the notes and records of the patients health conditions and past sessions with other therapists, but I don't like to do that here. I like to start clean and fresh with each patient so I can hear it from them. I have your chart and all your info here, but i just wanna hear if from you~. Because im so cool and all the other therapists suck mega penis~ Like stfu and please read my chart for the love of god i dont need to go through hours of sessions of straight miserable traumadumping every single time i get disconnected from a therapist and have to spend 5 months on the waiting list for a new one. And it's so easy to just get dropped by therapists too. I missed 2 appointments ever? gone. Therapist suddenly vanished from the establishment? We can't replace them! find a whole new place! Your new therapist sucks and just tells you to get over it? Give us a month and we'll see if we can find someone else for you. oopsies! your therapist got fired! Nothing we can do about that! Your therapist forced you into a situation that she knew would put you in danger of abuse? It was her job! FUCK. I literally get better therapy from calling 988, crisis lines, or abuse hotlines for 10 minutes and they're free. Might as well just call THEM on a weekly basis since they ACTUALLY FUCKING HELP YOU WHEN YOU ASK FOR FUCKING HELP. They give you advice, comfort, support, coping mechanisms, distractions, suggestions, resources, ideas, communities, etc etc. Seriously. Therapy, in all my years, barely ever does that shit unless you're on the brink of breakdown because "why is nothing working!?" nothing's working because it's literally nothing being put to work. They're putting nothing machines in your brain factory, and when 'NOTHING' is working, no progress gets made.

Honestly. Sometimes, I feel like maybe I'm just really unlucky with my therapists. I be spilling my soul to them and begging for help and they're just like. "Hmmm...that does seem very difficult...What do you think I can do to help you?" and i just...like..."I don't know??? im not really a mental health specialist??? Like you??????" and they fucking laugh and go, "Well, that is true...hmmmmm, let me think...you seem to be doing everything you cannnn...hmmmm" God, i never show it but tht shit pisses me off so bad. The more times i hear "What do you think i can do to help?" and "Hmmmmmmm" and overly fucking drawn out words, the more 'asshole' and ingenuine it sounds. It sounds like mockery. It sounds like they think I'm a toddler trying to figure out how to manuver their first 4 piece puzzle. They sound like when teachers say "I dunno. Can you?" when you ask if you can use the restroom. Like...Do you think I'm fucking around when I say I don't know what to do? Do you think I just ask for help for shits and giggles? Do you think, "I'm feeling suicidal" is just a quirky little catchphrase? Like, fuck. Just listen to one fucking thing I say. I pay you for this. Just fucking listen to me and hear the words coming out of my mouth and process what they actually fucking mean. I fucking have nobody else and I'm paying you to help me not fucking kill myself and you're gonna fucking sit there, eating cereal, talking about how your 'poor husband' was so shy "just like me" that he didn't make the first move on you when you first met, like this session is about comparing my socially crippling mental condition to a common case of the nerves, acting like you're my casual best friend or acting like this is me learning 2 plus fucking 2 in kindergarden math class with god damn counting blocks and you don't wanna give me too many hints that give the answer away. FUCK. OFF. No fucking wonder your other patients cuss you out. I bet they're soooo lucky to have you like you're sooo lucky that im so god damn polite and articulate. You like that im so articulate, huh? You really get what im saying? How about this next one?: QUIT YOUR JOB.

[audible--silence]

Heard abroad…

Whatever the question, the market is the answer

“Too many white people not enough markets”

“I mean i still didn’t understand any of it but i understood it was nice”

Pedophile and a dead aunt. You love to see it!

I exist to do the dumb thing and subsequently encourage everyone else to also do the dumb thing

“At least it isn’t Kevin”

“Home is the place where you keep ending up and you don’t really know why”

“Home is where you keep going back to your abuser”

Death is good business but without the repeat customers

As long as you have enough to buy linch on your first day, you have enough to figure it out

“Fucking cyrus man…” on cocktails and cacao ceremonies

It feels like im looking at the relic of a golden age that doesn’t know its past its best before date

Lots of people breeds competition in both capitalism and creativity. Capitalism also breeds racism.

Nobody gives one fuck about you here which is both amazing and kinda isolating

Its like if every city ive ever been to merged into one and did a bunch of drugs

I have fewer ideas but i have a lot of resolution so when i want one to work i just throw everything at it till it does

luck favors those who need it/rely on it in good faith

I was busy being sad and shit so I wasn’t in the mood for a heart attack

How lucky we are, to know that as long as we have charge on our phone or an internet connection, we’ll never go without

Going nowhere the long way

“Fuck you”

“What?”

“I was talking to the aircon”

Calories dont work on Mondays

Chicken is made by man, duck is made by god

Thats why i pay the rent

The only case there is is a quesadilla

It’s strangely captivating.

A city of nine million perfect strangers and nine million deranged fucking maniacs.

Everyone fits in. Because theres no such thing as “too different” out here.

Milk that mfer for every lil drop of lactation in it’s scary asymmetrical titty

Everybody be skipping to the calm down phase of life without ever experiencing the youthful fuckaround stage

The lifeline on my hand seems to doing fine.

The other two, I cant quite remember what they’re supposed to mean. Something about happiness or love.

They’re looking a little worse for wear lately.

“Look Ill extend him an olive branch but only so i can whack him over the head with it”

“After all, the universe continues to surprise, bewilder, and enchant, irrespective of our inquiries. As the tale concludes, may it inspire a subtle nod toward the dance of untamed contemplations—a dance best performed with an enigmatic grin.”

Thinking is for Jerry's (2023) - Professor Longwang

I feel glad to have an end date but miserable to end it

Scared of old reality but excited to confirm or deny it

Confused about my choices here and whether my feelings were made from genuine feelings

“How was the quality of your call?” Asks the messenger app.

To which I cannot reply.

Because to reply honestly would not do justice to the quality of the app, and instead be a comment on my experience of it.

The feeling in my gut when she said she met someone.

The thoughts back to all the times where I wanted to tell you i was yours.

All at once.

With a vengeance

Stabbing in the chest

What am i doing here

Accidentally drunk off a Manhattan i didnt want and a quarter pint of Guinness

In New York

In the rain

Trying desperately to find a job

In a field im hardly good at

It seems to me that it boils down.

When you look at the root of it all

What do you want

What do i want

How you utilize the two to make a life that brings you joy

Kill me, im french

Traveling is honestly comparable to hard drugs at this point: intense, euphoric, lands you in sketchy circumstances and often leads to living in very questionable scenarios. It also has a tendency to leave you broke as fuck and wondering where the last six months went

It do be a lil comedic,

A city of 12 million mother fuckers buzzing around packed in like a hive, and I’ve hardly made a friend.

[rrinsluvr]

february! ten— miss cupid!

it all started in eight grade, when thoma had asked you to help him with a love letter.

he wanted it to be unique and more appealing! therefore, he asked for your help since you we’re very artsy at the time and he wanted advice on how to give it.

you being in love with him and all, blindly agreed and got your heart broken the same day.

it was a success! thoma had given the letter, per your advice, and there started thoma and ayaka’s love story which ended very well

slowly people started approaching you for ‘love advice’ and guess what? it all worked out

you enjoyed playing matchmaker very much, the satisfaction in watching young love blossom was just— amazing

it was a year after that, when you started charging people for all the hard work you’ve done. after all the effort you put in it, why wouldn’t you? it was the same year you had earned the name “cupid” and the same year you met him.

tenth grade and your reputation as cupid grew even more, everyone knew you were cupid yet it was somewhat taboo to say “yn is cupid!” out loud. so your line of work was somewhat secretive and you felt like you worked at the black market because of it.

slowly, your work started piling up so much that it was overwhelming. playing cupid felt like a chore

that was when you took a break from cupid, three months to be precise. you couldn’t handle not playing matchmaker anymore, yes you were that used to it

it was also when ayaka told you to open a twitter page, to organize your priorities more. and it worked! you had learned to balance school and matchmaking once more. you had also learned that your brother made a new friend and that friend’s brother was going to play a very big role in your life sooner or later.

the year after that was the least eventful of all, everything seemed so mundane and repetitive. it was at the end of that year when you decided that cupid would finally retire

yet in contrast to the year before, your last year in high school was the most interesting one you’ve had or maybe it’s just because instead of playing cupid, your arrow had hit you instead

I told you my days as ‘cupid’ are over

please just one time! im desperate

you groaned in response, picking up your books to move elsewhere

wait!

he yelled, grabbing your wrist in the process

shhh! we’re at a library!

you whisper-shouted while pulling your wrist from his grip

just one last time!

look childe, tartaglia or whatever your name is, the twitter page is closed, cupid is tired, cupid isn’t making any more money so quit it

i’ll pay you double!

..what??

how much do you charge anyways? i’ll pay you double—triple even!!

I— i do this for my own amusement, money is just a bonus for all the effort i put in

AYAKA, ayaka’s the one i wanna confess to

god, ayaka’s my friend why do you think i would help you get with her??

doesn’t your “cupid’s rules and regulations” thingy say ‘whoever it is whatever the situation i’ll help you as long as you pay’?

do you not get it when i said I don’t wanna play cupid anymore?

you were about to leave when he suddenly got on his knees and started begging and clung on your leg

to say you were embarrassed was an understatement— THIS WOULD SURELY RUIN YOU AND YOUR CHANCES OF NOT GETTING DETENTION IN YOUR WHOLE ACADEMIC LIFE

because the way it looks to other people makes it seem like you’re making him beg on his knees and make him look miserable

ALRIGHT, alright please just get we up before we get kicked out of the library!!

yes yes!! thank you so much i swear— i’ll do whatever you say!!!

woah woah, dictating what you do isn’t part of my job im simply guiding you in the right direction and giving you advice. so stop making it seem like im making you my servant

understood!

now, if you get rejected then that’s that, it isn’t my problem anymore and you just have to move on

i got ittt, so when do we start?

just meet me at the cafe behind school tomorrow

and that’s where this messy romance, starts to blossom

masterlist! | previous! | next!

legitimately wrote this a month ago💀

amd omg yas finally a backstory⁉️

y’all probably know why childe did this already

taglist!open— @yoimiyaimpact @mirikusashes @latterina @redninjakitty14rp @nhinxsworld @thelost-in-time @kaz3yo @ntimacy @to-mi-yo @atlas-musagetes @moremilkforkags @vallzxarii @layvesenrose @estelwrld @lizzysblogsblog @catsrkool @milesluvrrad @kamiyato @pasta-warlord @hey-comrade-hold-stil @m1kotsu @queenaveryrules @valonava @kimiesstuff

note!— if ur url is highlighted, it means you cannot be tagged ++ pls inform me if u change ur url :)

[marktuansvevo]

got7 reacts to something theyve never experienced before in a relationship

warning(s); slight cursing, sexual content in bam’s part

mark; being jealous

mark understood why his past partners could be jealous of him in his line of work. as long as it didn’t get out of hand, he thought it was cute. he was never the jealous one in the relationship. he didn’t even know what jealousy felt like....

....until tonight.

you were mark’s entire world. you excited him, you built him up like no other. never before could he see himself spending his life with someone before you came along. you made the world brighter to him.

but now he was only seeing red. 

you had been a trainee and never debuted, which you weren’t too upset about, you had a boyfriend you loved and a career with less physical and time demands than being in the entertainment industry. this meant that you knew a lot of other bands, stray kids being one of them. chan was, quite frankly, your best friend during your trainee days, so when you saw him at this afterparty you were attending with mark, you threw yourself into his arms.

mark just watched you from afar.

and his blood boiled.

chan spun you around in his arms, the biggest smile on his stupid, handsome face. “yah!! y/n! mark didn’t say you’d be here.”

you giggled, trying to keep your tears at bay. you put your hands on his face, poking his dimples. mark scoffed at the blush that was forming on his friend’s face. “god, chan i missed you so much.”

“bro, you look constipated,” bam snuck up behind him. “dude, your face is so red right now.”

mark rolled his eyes. “these parties are so annoying.” he didn’t take his eyes off of you as you caught up with chan, who still had his hand around your waist.

bam followed his line of vision. “shit, you’re not constipated, you’re jealous. yugyeom, come look at him!”

mark walked away from his intoxicated friends and up to you. you smiled at him before returning to your conversation with chan. 

“y/n, we have to go,” mark said lowly, smiling a sickly fake smile at chan, who immediately dropped his hand from your waist. 

“why, baby, we just got here? are you not feeling good?” you asked. he wanted to feel bad, your voice was laced with concern.

“something like that. see you, chan.”

as you got in the car, you smiled at him, poking his cheek. “somebody’s jealous, huh?”

“huh? of chan? i don’t know what you’re talking about,” he clenched his jaw, not making eye contact with you as he steered his car out of the parking lot. you were giggling now.

“you’re cute when you’re jealous. maybe i should make more time for chan.”

“y/n!!!”

jaebeom; wearing disguises in public

jaebeom never thought he would have to dress up in a disguise to go out in public. and jae would never want to put you in such a position. it was draining, and you, as his girlfriend knew that he despised it.

but you wanted to go to a concert with him.

and you wanted to stand in the pit with him and be part of it. don’t get you wrong, you loved when he bought you suite seats or could watch his shows from backstage, but you wanted to sway to ariana grande in th pit with your boyfriend.

“cmon, jae, i think everyone is going to be paying attention to ari. we can skip the opening act?” you suggested.

“y/n, i don’t want to take a chance...im sorry,” he pouted at you. you sighed, trying to figure out what to do.

“what about disguises?” he said. “like, we could wear our halloween costumes?” you were giggling to yourself, but your boyfriend seemed like the idea.

“i could wear my jesus wig and you could paint a beard on me?” he said with serious eyes.

“jae, you hate going out in disguises.”

“true...but, babe, this will be fun. you could wear your sailor mars wig, it’d be cute,”

okay, this was a really cute idea and you were warming up to it...if it made your boyfriend more comfortable to be out in a crowd of so many people, you were down to try it out.

“this really feels like halloween in july,” you giggled as you used mascara to draw a beard on his chin.

“do I look like jesus??” he asked childishly.

“well, you don’t look like im jaebeom of got7, that’s for sure,”

“you look like an egirl,” he laughed at himself. “don’t hate, you know you love it,” you said. “we look so cute, let’s take a mirror selfie and post in later,”

“no, then people will be on to us,” your boyfriend sent a pout in your direction as he looked at his makeshift beard in the mirror. “I look sexy as fuck in a beard,”

“super sexy aegyo please?”

the two of you arrived at the arena, not be noticed by anyone, but jae was still on edge, so you held his hand tight as you made your way into the pit.

“im so excited!!” you shouted over the noise. he shook his head before leaning in to kiss you. the two of you danced the whole night away to arianas crooning, his arms around you as you swayed to her pretty, soothing voice. the two of you let the world fade away while ariana sang honeymoon ave in the background.

jackson; his significant other saying ily first.

it was no secret that jackson was stock full of love and kindness. he had had other partners before you, all with him ending up getting too attached, or scaring them away when he said “I love you” too early.

he did not want to scare you away, and honestly, he had known he loved you two months into dating, but he didn’t want to scare you away, so he never outwardly said those three little words to you.

he wasn’t expecting you to say it, first though.

you had invited him over for dinner and a movie, just wanting a chill night in with your boyfriend. he brought the wine and promised to give you a back massage, so really, what more could you want on this chilly thursday night?

“what’s been going on, honey? you know you can tell me anything,” jackson whispered into your ear as he helped you out of your clothes.

“I feel like I deserve to oversee my department at work. i have the most education of all of them, more experience than them, and generally, I am more optimistic than my superiors….,” you sighed, letting him rub just under your shoulder blades, which had been itching all week.

“mmm?”

“i think they might be scared of powerful women who like to wear hot pink fendi suits to work,” you smiled, knowing he would be offended at your joke. you could almost feel him pouting.

“so the reason you can’t get the job is because your superiors don’t like the suits your boyfriend buys you? wow, what a way to hurt a guy’s pride…,” he followed your lead on the joke, trying to make you laugh because he knew this was really getting to you. “baby, I think you should go to their boss and see if you can get a promotion…tell them everything you told me, okay? i know you’re not only the best woman for the job, but the best person for the job…period,” he said, making you feel so overwhelmed with emotion. none of your previous partners had ever revered you the way jackson had. you felt so incredibly blessed and in love, you couldn’t help yourself.

“god, jackson, I love you so much,” you whispered.

the movement of his soft hands on your back stopped abruptly at your words. ‘oh god, was it too early to say that?’

“j-jackson…im sorry-“

“ive been waiting to say that to you,” he breathed against your lips, closing the distance that was between them.

“jackson wang….you love me?” you could feel the tears building. the man of your dreams was in love with you, too.

“i love you,” he whispered reverently.

“say it again,” you begged. he said it like a mantra.

“i love you, i love you….i love you..”

jinyoung; moving in together

jinyoung thought you were so cute. you were ecstatic to move with jinyoung. you had been living in your shared apartment with your mom your whole life and we’re excited to start a new chapter of your life. jinyoung didn’t think you were taking in the fact that moving is one of the most stressful things a person can go through.

he didn’t want to rain on your parade, though.

the two of you got settled into your new apartment after a long day of unpacking. jinyoung kissed you as you laid onto your new king sized bed. “im gonna grab takeout, you want your usual?” he asked sweetly, squeezing your hand. you just nodded, squeezing his hand back.

you watched as jinyoung walked out of your shared bedroom. that’s when the dam broke. you were so overwhelmed. you didn’t know how to make warm water happen in your shower, you didn’t have your wifi set up, and you forgot your favorite teddy bear at your moms. you missed teddy and your wifi and your mom.

“hey, i ordered you two egg rolls and they gave us three - hey, baby, are you crying?”

“no,” you replied lamely. “I miss teddy,” you wailed miserably.

“teddy...the...stuffed bear?” he asked.

“i slept with him every night for the past 20 something years.”

“baby...we can get your bear in the morning...,”

“we don’t have netflix set up so how am i supposed to sleep tonight?”

“y/n...,” he chuckled. you frowned harder now that he was laughing at you. “moving isn’t as exciting as it looks. tomorrow, we will fix the wifi, okay? and we can visit your mom and rescue teddy.”

“okay...okay. im sorry, im just a bit overwhelmed,” you confessed.

“its gonna be okay, honey. it’s a lot to take in, i know. but you can hold me instead of teddy, and ill sing you to sleep,” he whispered, the takeout now long forgotten. before you could fall asleep, he pulled his iphone out of his back pocket and pulled you into his chest to take a selfie. “there. now we have a picture of us in our bed for the first time.”

“i love you, you sap.”

even though you called him the sap, the next day you went to the pharmacy to get the photo printed and frame it. when jinyoung came home from the market that day, he eyed the frame on your bed stand, smirking at you.

“oh, so im the sap, hmm?”

youngjae; picking up the tab

it was the first date the two of you had been on since youngjae had been on tour. he told you to get dressed up and that the two of you would go out for a fancy dinner and catch up on everything. this is why you loved him, because while you wanted to hear all about his stories of life and tour abroad, he always wanted to hear about everything that was going at home, to see if you were alright.

youngjae looked dazzling in a black checked suit, while you matched him with a little black dress that made him groan when you stepped out of the bathroom. “can we skip dinner?” he’d ask cheekily. you rolled your eyes at him before kissing him on the cheek. “we aren’t skipping dinner, and we definitely won’t be skipping dessert,” you winked before leading him to the car.

the two of you ate dinner together, him holding your hand and looking at you with stars in his eyes as you told him stories that had happened while he was away. you ordered appetizers, drinks, shared an entrée, and youngjae even ordered you a slice of apple pie for the two of you to share.

“baby, I’m going to go use the restroom,” youngjae said before kissing your hand. “’kay, don’t get mugged, please,” you teased him. he shook his head at your playfulness. you watched as he left before frantically waving your arms at your waitress. she ran over to you, checking if you were alright.

“I just wanted to wonder if I can pick up the cheque really quick? I wanted to pick it up for my boyfriend as a surprise,” you spoke in a hushed tone, making the waitress giggle. she nodded her head before handing it to her. you handed her your credit card, thanking her before your boyfriend had any suspicions of what you were up to.

youngjae came out of the bathroom as soon as the waitress set the cheque down. you were applying your lipstick so you couldn’t snatch it in time. you watched as his pretty brown eyes scanned the receipt, looking confused as ever. “is this a joke? what kind of waitress lets the girlfriend pay?”

“jae,” you giggled. “you don’t always have to pay for dinner. I wanted to treat you…I missed you so much,” you confided, watching his expression from anger into warmth.

“oh, thank you honey, you are so sweet and thoughtful, I love you so much,” you let him wrap his suit jacket around your arms before planting a kiss to your forehead. “but that will be the last time you ever do that.”

“shut up, i like doing nice things for you,” you pouted.

“since you paid for dinner tonight, i have to put out, right?”

he ran to the car before you could slap him in the chest.

bam; his s/o borrowing his clothes

remember how joey never shared his food? well that’s how bam was with his wardrobe. he was very particular about his clothing, not letting people borrow them at all. yugyeom used to steal his clothes just to be petty and piss his best friend off. he had never let past partners borrow his clothes, and nothing was going to change, it wasn’t his fault, it was an obsession. if you were sure of one thing, it was to not steal your boyfriends clothes.

but one day, while he was gone from work, you thought you would take pictures of yourself in only one of his blazers to tease him.

you weren’t expecting him to walk through the door while you were trying to take self timer pictures of yourself.

“baby? what are you doing?” bam asked, laughing as you let out a squeal of surprise.

“i..i wanted to surprise you...,” he tsked, pulling away to look at his blazer. “i know you don’t like me wearing your things..,” you stammered as he circled you.

“you have such pretty things, though, bam,”

“you look so sexy in this,” he purred. “you were trying to get me worked up while im trying to work?”

“u...uhhh,” you couldn’t think coherently with you boyfriend acting so domineering. you gasped as he slid his hand up to your cunt, rubbing your clit in little circles. “bam...please...,” you groaned. 

“keep the blazer on,” he said as you writhed in his grip.

“its gonna get all sweaty though and then you’ll yell at me,” you teased him as you followed him to the bed. 

bam just groaned. “baby, im sorry I haven’t let you borrow my clothes before but you look better in them than me. now, let me fuck you and i promise you can have anything you want in that closet.”

he knew exactly how to shut you up.

yugyeom; his s/o buying him flowers

yugyeom was always so stressed during comeback season. you always scolded him when he forgot to eat, or wasn’t staying hydrated enough, but you were so proud of him. seeing the smile on his face and the way he walked a little taller was so worth it.

he was still busy during comeback season, coming home late after all the videos he had to shoot for publicity.

one night, yugyeom had gotten home around midnight to a bouquet of pink roses and a handwritten note from you. it read; “I am so proud of you, my love. congrats on breath… I can always feel your love,” he blushed and giggled to himself, thinking, “isn’t the guy supposed to buy the girlfriend the flowers?” he wandered into your shared bedroom to see you sprawled into his side, with your book in your hands, a soft snore leaving your lips. he nudged you, not intending to wake you up, he could thank you in the morning. but he did accidentally. “yeom?” you whispered. 

“shh, baby go back to sleep,” he shushed, changing into his pjs. 

“did you like the flowers?” you asked, suddenly awake now. 

“theyre really pretty, baby, but aren’t I supposed to buy you the flowers?” 

you narrowed your eyes at him. “not my boyfriend being a sexist,” 

“yah! y/n stop it, I didn’t mean it that way!! I love them, you remembered I said I love roses,” he was pouting now, pulling you into his chest to spoon you. his voice got quieter now. “no one’s ever remembered my favorite flowers…much less bought them for me,” he paused, kissing the back of your neck before closing his eyes and falling fast asleep.

he was whipped.

[marvel-sluts]

please don't go.

request: Can I request prompts 3. Please don't go & 16. Enemies to lovers with Tom Holland? 😊 - @palna (sorry it won't let me tag you)

prompt list

pairing: Tom Holland x reader

warnings: swearing, emotional abuse, angst, fluff

summary: you worked with Tom on set and ever since the first day he hated you. one day he overhears a phone call between you and your Dad, making him feel horrible for how he treated you.

a/n: im planning on making a masterlist soon so look out for it! anyway, enjoy lovlies!

***********

you opened the door to your apartment after a hard day at work. flopping onto the sofa and turning on the TV, not really paying attention to the six o'clock news.

that bloody Holland kid thinks he has the right to make your life a living hell. from the moment you met him he hated you.

you walk into the room flashing a smile to the people in there. you had been chosen to play a part in the new spider man movie. having quite a few successful movies under your belt you were well known.

you went round shaking hands with people, each one of them greeting you with a small smile and a hello. that was until you reached a certain individual.

"hi, I'm y/n" you say holding out you hand.

he looked you up and down with a grimace and looked at your outstretched hand, taking it in his and shaking it roughly.

"Holland, Tom Holland."

the buzz of you phone wakes you from your trance and you looked down to see your best friends name flash on the screen.

you quickly answer the phone and her voice can be heard throughout the room.

"sorry to bother you like this y/n but can we go out tonight? I had a shit day at work and need someone to take my mind off of it." she said.

"you read my mind, where do you want to go?" you ask, relieved to have an excuse to leave the house.

"how about the bar down the road from your house?" she said.

"sure, let me get changed out of my clothes first."

"okay I will be at your house in half an hour." she said hanging up the phone.

you run up the stairs and put on a black skirt and a pink shirt, touching up your makeup from filming and pulling on a pair of boots.

a few minutes later b/f/n (best friends name) rings the doorbell of your apartment and you go to greet her.

you reached the bar and grabbed one of the only remaining tables.

"so, what made your day so shitty?" you asked taking a sip of your gin.

"just my dickhead of a manager. he has given me about 5 projects and is expecting them all done by next week." she sighs rolling her eyes at you.

you snort into your drink "like your gonna get all of that done in such a short amount of time." you say.

"I know right. anyway whats going on with you?" she asked, knowing something was up. "is it that Holland guy again? I swear to god I will punch his nose in if he's done anything to you." she said, knowing how much he bothers you.

"there is nothing that you can do. he just gets on my nerves. I don't know what his deal is with me." you say.

"what does he do?"

"glares at me alot, won't speak to me unless its to criticise what I'm doing and just overall makes my life miserable." you say with a sigh.

"and you dad...?" b/f/n asked.

"same as usual, he still hates me and continues to tell me how much of a failure I am." you say rolling your eyes. your dad was a dick, you and him had never gotten on.

"I know, you just have to ignore him. he just doesn't see how amazing you are." she said smiling at you.

"I guess..."

after a few hours of talking and forgetting your problems. b/f/n drove you home.

after getting undressed you collapsed on your bed, exhausted. falling asleep within seconds.

******

you woke up with a start and checked your phone. shit. you had slept through your alarm and you were going to be late for filming.

quickly pulling on clothes and fixing your hair and makeup you ran to your car and got to set only 15 minutes late.

"oh here she is, finally decided to show up did you?" came a chastising voice.

you sighed, knowing immediately who it was, choosing to ignore the comment you walked to your trailer.

the hair and makeup team quickly got to work on you, making you look amazing within minutes.

after throwing a quick thanks over your shoulder, you rushed to set and got told what scene they were filming and where to stand.

half an hour later you heard a "and cut, great job guys. go and get read for the next scene."

you quickly checked your script and realised that you were needed for the next scene, opting to go to your trailer and wait to be called.

suddenly your phone rang, making you jump. you picked it up before checking who it was, assuming it was b/f/n.

"oh you've finally decided to stop ignoring my calls have you?"

shit, it was your Dad. "hey dad, and for the record I wasn't ignoring them. I was working."

"yeah, what job again? that acting thing of yours? how many times y/n, thats not a job."

"okay" you whispered quietly, just wanting this to be over.

"your such a worthless bitch you know that? even your Mum thought that before she died. it was probably you who killed her. admit it y/n. you killed her." he said, trying to press your buttons.

"how many times Dad, the doctors said that she died of a heart attack. it wasn't me." you say.

"pfft, your just covering for yourself. how about you buy me a new house to make up for it?"

"Dad, I just bought you a new house, and a new car. surely you can't need anything bigger." you say, knowing he is just using you but feeling guilty for saying no nevertheless.

"well I want new house, maybe somewhere by the sea. or some big mansion." he said.

"but Dad i was planning on giving some of that money to charity and the rest was going to s/n (siblings name) school fund. so that they can go to a good school."

"fuck s/n, I want a new house. and if you don't then you really would be as fucking annoying as your mother. your no good for anything." he said, hanging up the phone.

a tear trickled down your face. you should have known all he wanted was a new house, new car. why not get a new fucking kid while he's at it. you bought him a new car last month and a new house the month before that, surely he doesn't need another one.

a knock was heard on the door of the trailer that you had accidentally left open. you spun around to see Tom, worry etched across his face. he walked into your trailer.

"hey y/n, are you okay?" he asked, putting a hand on your arm.

"get off of me" you say, shrugging him off. "why would you care anyway, you've had this grudge against me ever since I started here."

Tom's face fell. "I'm sorry y/n I didnt mean to treat you like that."

"then what did you mean to treat me like because it was pretty damn obvious that you hated me. everyone saw it." you said.

"it wasn't you." he said looking down shamefully.

"look if this is about what you overheard with my Dad, don't worry about it. don't tell anyone and continue treating me like shit." you say, turning away from him again.

"no y/n what I overheard made me feel really guilty for treating you how I did. what I did was wrong and it wasn't your fault for how I treated you." he said, grabbing you and forcing you to look at him.

"then why did you do that to me?" you asked, confused.

"just before we started filming me and my girlfriend had broken up, she was toxic and would hit me and scream at me." he said, tears clouding his vision. "the day we started filming was the day I ended it with her, so I wasn't in the best mood. but when you walked in I could of sworn it was her. your hair and eyes are similar but your face is completely different."

"so from a distance I looked like her?" you asked, beginning to put the peices together in your head.

"yes. you had such a kind personality, always caring about others and everyone else loved you. but I couldn't get it out of my head. I guess that's why I treated you so badly, because you looked so much like her."

"Tom you could have just said something, I would have understood." you say, looking at him.

"I know I'm sorry." he said. "how are you, what happened with your Dad?" he asked.

"he keeps asking for new stuff, I just bought him a new house but he wants another one, and he wants a new car when he has the newest model. but at the same time he's always telling me how worthless and stupid I am, and how this acting thing isn't a proper job." you say, "maybe I'm just being selfish."

"no y/n, your not being selfish. I heard what you wanted to put that money towards instead of buying him stuff that he doesn't need. a selfish person wouldn't give to charity and help with paying for s/n schooling."

"are you sure?" you asked, doubt seeping in.

"very sure." he said, "is there anything you need, I could say that you are ill or something, give you some time to think over what happened with your Dad?"

"no I'm okay." you say.

"how about you come round to mine after work, we could talk everything out."

"yeah okay, I'd like that."

******

after filming was over, you drove over to Tom's apartment. he answered the door quickly and let you in.

you sat down on his sofa and admired the little things he had "borrowed" from the sets of different movies.

"do you want a drink?" he called from the kitchen.

"can I have a f/d (favourite drink) please?" you call back.

"sure."

he came back in with your drink and a coke for him.

"look about what happened today with my Dad, I never meant for you to overhear that and I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone." you say, looking down at your drink.

"your secrets safe with me, and if you don't mind me saying. your Dad is a bit of a dick." he said, smiling kindly at you.

"tell me about it." you laughed. "he's been like that ever since I can remember, he's always favoured my siblings over me." you say bitterly.

"well don't tell them but I prefer you." Tom said, trying to cheer you up a bit. "and I'm glad I overheard that conversation, because it made me think about I had treated you. and I'm starting to think that there was maybe another reason I didn't like you." he said sheepishly.

"and whats that?" you ask.

"I kind of liked you. I still do. after what happened with my last relationship I was scared I guess but I don't want to fuck anything up. I really like you y/n, I never meant to treat you like I did but I was pushing you away so that I didn't fall further than I already have." he said, blushing furiously.

"well Tom, maybe I like you too. thats why it hurt so much when you were horrible to me." you say. "do you just like me because I look like her?"

"no no no, that's not it at all. I like you because you have this sort of aura around you, people love you and your so nice to people." he said. "I like you because of your personality, the fact that you look slightly like a toxic ex has nothing to do with it." he added as an afterthought.

"aura?" you asked, furrowing your eyebrows in confusion.

"yeah, people sort of want to protect the innocence you radiate. your aura makes everyone love you and it's how your smile brightens up a room and how you look when the sunlight hits your features." he said, gently placing his hand on your cheek, forcing you to look up at him.

"I'm sorry for how I treated you, and it's my fault, but maybe we can start again?" he asked.

"okay." you say smiling up at him. before pulling away from his hand and sticking out your own. "y/n y/l/n, nice to meet you." you say.

"Tom Holland, pleasure." he said shaking your hand.

you turned around as the shrill sound of your phone broke the brief silence, checking the called ID this time you saw Dad appear on the screen. you look over at Tom in fear, showing him the screen.

"answer him y/n, maybe he wants to apologise. and I'll be right here with you" Tom said, flashing you a reassuring smile.

"okay" you said picking up the phone and putting it on speaker so that Tom could hear better. motioning to him to be quiet, him nodding in response.

"hi Dad." the fear in your voice evident.

"how's the new house you were going to buy me coming along? don't forget I want a big one." he said.

"actually Dad, I've thought about it and I just bought you a new car and house. the money is going towards s/n schooling and charity. I don’t think that you need anything else." you say, smiling weakly at Tom who gave you a thumbs up. egging you on.

"I don't care what you think, I'm your parent and you should listen to me. you are such a selfish bitch I don't even know why I bothered with you." he spat down the phone. "you are just a waste of space and I don't know how you made all of this money, who would ever want to employ you?"

"Dad you're not guilt tripping me into buying anything for you like you did last time. I'm not doing it." you say, tears beginning to cloud your vision. Tom noticed this and put his hand on your leg gently. in order to calm you down.

"you're such a fucking bitch. I never want to see or hear you again." he spat, hanging up.

as soon as he had hung up the phone, tears started falling down your face. Tom reached up and wiped away some of your tears before pulling you into his chest.

"hey hey hey, it's okay calm down." he said kissing your forehead and pulling you back into his arms.

"he hates me and its all my fault." you choke out before collapsing into tears again.

"its not your fault, your Dad is just being selfish and is only using you for your money. don't listen to him." he said, stroking your hair to comfort you.

"do you want me to go and get you something? ice cream maybe?" Tom asked.

"no, please don't go. I need you." you say.

"okay, I'm right here love. don't worry I'm not going anywhere." he said.

eventually you fell asleep, with his arms around you and your head on his chest. before Tom drifted off he kissed your temple and whispered "I'm so sorry y/n, I love you."

[wickedpact]

You can't just drop that "I read Forces Multiplied" bomb on us and not give a ten page written reaction.

[cracks knuckles] if u insist

nicky cant drive hc: destroyed. rip. also i loved how andy and nile stole those sports cars and were being badass and driving off the bridge & meanwhile joe and nicky were just absolutely vibing in the van

'heres the thing about power: people who have it think they deserve it' [shot of police car] i see u greg

5 whole panels being dedicated to booker not being able to unlock his door. booker not even seeing noriko sitting RIGHT THERE in the window at first. incredible

noriko being 24/7 horny was surprising. like wow all of the stuff i saw she did out of context was 100% equally horny in context as it was out of context. love that for her

i didnt think the 'andy + slavery' thing was handled as badly as everyone made it out to be when telling me about it. tho from the way it was talked about i had kind of figured the conflict between andy and nile re: slavery would be really racially charged (esp considering nile is a black american and would obvs have Thoughts on the subject in that regard) but like,, done in a cringey 'a-white-guy-obviously-wrote-it' kind of way? but it wasnt that. i mean. it makes sense that andy would be implicit in slavery through the years

i mean, like she says, is that not what people just did to each other in the aftermath of battles for thousands of years? and i really like how its pointed out that it was what she was raised with (in the beginning when you see her put shackles on that guy after the battle) but she also accepts responsibility for it and acknowledges that it was wrong and not just 'what people did'.

i like how from her expressions you can kind of tell baby andy knew it was off but she sets those feelings aside bc she felt angry. it explains how she felt but didnt make her out to be blameless in it. plus i mean. i dont know, the fact that andy was involved in a lot of morally shady stuff for 7000 years is not that wild for me. if you live that long youre just Going to be involved in some shit, and she didnt even have other immortals with her as positive community influences, she literally just did whatever the fuck she wanted for thousands of years

'i was worshipped as a god once' i mean, yeah no shit she wouldve been involved in some seriously fucked up stuff, gods were fucking scary back in the day

tldr it could use some polish but it wasnt that bad

tho everything people said about moose being boring was unfortunately a little true. sorry king i tried to be interested in you

joe and nicky writing verbal fanfiction about nile and moose was iconic. 'you seeing that?' 'i am definitely seeing that'

it was also extremely funny bc that was like 60% of their contribution to the whole comic, besides kidnapping copley. they came, they wrote some fanfic, they left. kings. at least in tog1 they had an excuse to be useless bc they got kidnapped

joe just found out his old friend who he thought was dead is alive (and also probably wants to murder them) and instead of investigating with andy he stopped to help nile up. champ.

nicky shooting noriko through andy was cool. rip to the concept since it wont happen in tog2

wanna see mr ejiofor deliver this line

on that note imo copley was. weirdly enough, more interesting in fm than in tog1. to me at least. the fact that andy let him live and he was so haunted by what had happened that he came back and sought them out despite knowing they would likely kill him for it bc he wanted to not only make up for what hed done but also to tell them what theyd done for the world was admittedly more interesting than andy just kind of drafting him to the cause and him going 'okie'

i like how nicky was drawn in this one. in opening fire he looks like a blob man but in fm he looks more like a very nice grampa with a very good dye job

'theres no pain like a broken heart' andy 🥺

noriko implying andy's never drowned. .. .idk about that one, she musta drowned sometime

joe and nicky came, they waxed poetic about nile's love life, they waxed poetic about grog, and then they left.

sports bras being a reason humanity is good. i mean..... okay, yeah.

i mean. wild but you cant exactly tell her shes wrong

i liked how noriko telling andy that their purpose is to make people suffer coincides with joe and nicky finding out that they actually did good all those years

joenicky in opening fire: jail for booker jail for booker for 100 years

joenicky when copley tells them he knows where booker is: WE'LL KILL YOU WHERE IS HE

joenicky when copley comes back: if your vibes come off as even remotely rancid we Will destroy you

joenicky 2 minutes later when copley helped them find booker: he made up some ground :)))) <3 lov you j cops

theyre forgiving af

moose: how old are you?? a hundred??? a thousand???

nile [vine voice]: I M 2 7 ?

alright andy you got me there

joe texts like my aunt

i dont know why noriko drowning andy in that car tickled me. Bad And Naughty Andromaches Get Put In The Pear Wiggler To Atone For Their Crimes.

the drowning sequence was cool

copley trying to talk to andy while she was like o_o at him was great

ive hit the picture limit but id seen that panel where nicky goes 'forgive me' as he kills a guy out of context and it was HILARIOUSLY anticlimactic for me to discover that there was literally no context to it. nicky just apologizes to random people he kills. i thought that guy was someone he knew or something. nope its just Some Guy that nicky didnt know from adam

nile's complaint that andy was especially brutal to the guys on the boat... i mean. . , how exactly does one kill a man with an axe and not be brutal about it?

it was funny how noriko kissed andy and the only people who seemed surprised by that were nile and also andy

nicky and joe's complete non-reaction to finding out noriko is alive And Evil Now is endlesly funny. they just left her on that boat and neither cared. i get book and nile not caring but joe and nicky knew her, and they just have 0 input on the subject of what to do with her

pinstripe suit guy!

joe and nicky and booker packing up and leaving with nile

andy blowing up at nile was A Moment tho

i dont know, i get why people didnt like the ending but its. .. . it makes more sense in the comicverse. bc the squad doesnt really. .. interact outside of jobs? i mean, think of the moon landing story in ttt. that was booker and joe and nicky doing a job and andy only showed up a for a couple minutes after it was done. or the brunch in the first issue of opening fire. the squad arent as tight in the comic, and andy often seems to do her own thing outside of work, so andy saying 'i dont want to do work anymore' and the squad being like 'alright bye then' makes more sense in this universe than the movie one

also i feel like greg was Trying to set up a thing where nile becomes the Leader of The Squad after andy dies but like. its not very well done since. . . i mean, nile hasnt spoken to booker since opening fire, (and she only knew him A Day). and shes known joe and nicky all that time, but there isnt really anything that indicates that they have any relationship at all, much less one that's grown. in all the comicverse the only time nile and nicky speak is in FM, and in that scene nicky tells nile about noriko. nile goes from someone who needs to be set aside to have background knowledge explained to her to being the Leader of the group with nothing in between. it kind of... comes out of nowhere.

on the other hand tho... i felt really bad for andy thru the whole thing. well, i always felt bad for andy, but in this one she seemed so miserable, especially since it really felt like none of the others actually.... cared about her. when noriko came back no one asked andy how she was doing (big question ik, but it wouldve showed they cared at least), nobody ever expressed any concern for her, no one even really seemed to want to be around her. in opening fire everyone was more distant than in the movie of course, but there were little moments where she would joke with joe, or nicky would try and comfort her, or stuff like that, but in FM it really felt like they just didnt really care about her. & in opening fire it felt a lot like andy's relationship with nile breathed some new life into her, but in FM it felt like all they did was argue. i get theyre not *as* close in the comics but it really felt like the only person who cared about andy at all was noriko (which was probably also how andy felt) but it just seemed to come out of nowhere. honestly i was reading and i was honestly agreeing with andy that she might just be better off if she did just die. opening fire, on the other hand, never make me feel that way

tho everyone made it sound like when the squad split up it was one of those cursed 'the found family leaves each other at the end of the journey' tropes. but guys i mean,,, this is the second installment out of three. that isnt the End. theyll come back in the third one and Dramatically Reunite to fight some baddies (probably those 'others' noriko mentioned). im guessing yitzhak fits into that too somehow.

anyways it wasnt That Bad but it made me kind of sad and the only Sweet Found Family vibes in it were when they saved booker. also they shouldve beefed up that nilemoose romance, it underwhelmed me. 6.5/10

i also ABSOLUTELY understand all of greg's comments about how you couldnt make FM directly into a movie, he always said that it had no plot and. i get it now. it really didnt have a plot sdfghjkl

[movinglaciers]

lateposting oversharing to the tumblr void bc i’m sad

i’ve been sooooo down bad with dating like so bad. I’ve gone on 3 dates this year, all I thought went well. first 2 ghosted me. 3rd one lasted for EIGHT HOURS and he was SO romantic and kept telling me WHILE WE WERE ON THE DATE that he was having fun, and then the next day I texted him and said I want to hang out again soon and he said “I had fun too but I have a lot going on so I will have to pass” like bro??? at least he didn’t ghost me I guess but I feel like the way he said that was so fucking cruel like I’m actually so sad. WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT TO SOMEONE????? while we were on this fucking date he kept calling it the first date and saying other things we should do in the future and hugging me and cuddling me and kissing me like not even making out. and then we did fuck and when he left he hugged me for like a minute straight kissing my cheeks like we’re fucking dating. and then he’s like yeah actually i’ll pass. I’m actually sick like why did he ask me deep questions to open up to him and vice versa like I never want to trell anyeone important ever again. and I keep letting guys take advantage of me bc I feel like I put out and then they do this. It’s so discouraging and I’m so ugly and obviously don’t have a good personality bc all these dates fail and I’m so sick of dating apps but I’m literally going to be alone forever at this rate likeeeee it’s kind of sick !!! I also feel like I don;t have any particularly close friend connections right now either and I just feel so lonely! I hate being young in covid times its like no one is trying to actually meet new people romantic or platonically. so I just whore myself out bc it’s the onyl way I can find any sort of connection. my body count is 16 and I’m sick thinking about it. and I see “friends” with their friend groups and im like where the fuck do you find a connection like that!!! I would kill for a friend group and extended friend group and friends of friends and to not feel so god damn lonely all the time 

I also hate my job so much like i’m actually miserable and I’m a fucking senior level being paid less than some newer entry levels and it’s so sick and I can’t afford to live! one of my 2 paychecks is exactly the price of my rent and I have such bad credit card debt right now I just really cannot get ahead. and I can’t tell my parents because they will just freak out. like I barely eat 1 meal a day and I still have nothing in my savings. and I applied for new jobs and interviewed for one and got denied and I know that’s life and it happens but god damn it made me feel so bad. no one wants me! as a friend or platonic or employee! like I literally don’t know what’s wrong with me and I feel like I’m so shut off now I barely talk to people about personal things bc I don’t want to give anyone reason to not like me

I know I need to go back on my meds I just CANt force myself too. I also can’t afford the refill. I know I need a second job but not even barista or bar back jobs will hire me. I know I need to go back to therapy but I can’t afford it cuz I can’t afford to live!!! I just cannot do this anymore. not in an unalive way but god fucking dammit when will I catch a BREAK!!!! this shits never ending and I’m only 24!!!!!!!!!! I don’t even have the resources to get myself out of this hole. part of me feels like I need to move out of philly and start fresh somewhere else but like if I can’t make friends in my own city how the fuck am I going to fare somehwere completely new. liike I think I have newish friends that im close with or so I think but then they hang out together and its last minute like oh you should come! obviously they don’t want me there.

it’s 4am and I’m sobbing crying typing this and listening to folklore and I have a meeting at 8am<3

[petri808]

I1+Nalu Only one bed @thegalilea3 request

The wedding of Laxus and Mirajane Dreyar was a cozy affair attended by only close family and friends. Neither had really wanted a lavish event, so a simple morning ceremony and luncheon in a beautiful garden was perfect. The bride and groom instead funneled the majority of their budget into food, drinks, and overnight lodging for the guests at a small nearby hotel. Lucy Heartfilia was happy to see her friend finally married and settled because Mira deserved it.

Though there was one odd thing about the luncheon— assigned seating. With only 21 people including the bride and groom, it seemed unnecessary. Plus, everyone except Lucy and one other person were a couple anyways. Maybe it was to ensure everyone was accounted for, only Mira knew. As it was, it also meant Lucy was sat next to the only other single... Natsu Dragneel. It was a bit weird, but not a big deal. Natsu was her close friend after all.

The day was perfect in every regard. Clear skies, light breeze with warm sunshine, great food, and jovial company. It was a nice reprieve from Lucy’s job in the city. She missed spending time with her friends, especially Natsu and this provided a perfect couple of days to relax in the countryside. They were best friends, her unrequited high school crush until adulthood sent them onto different paths. University, then careers. The pair stayed in touch as often as possible, but both were busy in their endeavors.

“How has it been at the magazine,” Natsu questioned Lucy. “I see you’ve made it to junior editor.”

“Oh,” she laughed, “yeah, but it’s still a glorified title. I’m really just my bosses assistant.”

“It’s still a big step,” he smiled back.

“What about you?”

“They’re sending me to EMT training next month. So, I’ll be a specialized firefighter.”

“That sounds exciting.”

“I guess,” Natsu shrugged, “I prefer the action.”

Lucy chuckled, eyes crinkling in a smile, “same ‘ole Natsu.”

“Hey you two,” Mirajane waved as she walked over. “How is everything?”

“Hi Mira! Everything is perfect, you did a fantastic job planning it.”

“Aww, thanks Lucy.”

“I was surprised that Laxus finally caved.”

Lucy slapped Natsu’s chest for the comment, but if only made Mira laugh.

“I threatened to leave if he didn’t just get this over with. Anyway, the reason I came over is I just received a call from the hotel and it seems they made a mistake in my booking. Instead of 11 rooms, they only booked 10. Unfortunately... they’re also full.”

“So, what does that mean?” Natsu questioned the woman.

“Well, as singles I had booked you guys your own rooms, because the couples have theirs, which means one of you now doesn’t have one.”

“Oh. It’s okay Mira, I can try and find a room elsewhere for the night,” Lucy chimed in. “Don’t worry about it, it wasn’t your fault.”

“Why don’t we just share it?” Natsu then suggests to Lucy. “When we check in, we’ll just ask for a room with two beds.”

“Are you sure,” both Lucy and Mira questioned at the same time.

“Why not? I mean, I don’t mind.”

“Lucy would you be okay with that?” Mira questioned her friend. “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

Lucy looked at Natsu, then back to Mira. “I’ll be okay. I mean, he’s not a stranger to me.” She laughed although inside she was a bit nervous about sharing a room with him.

“I won’t bite,” Natsu put his hands up in defense. “I swear.”

“Weirdo!” Lucy laughed.

Mira laughed as well. “Great! I’ll let the hotel know the room will be a double occupancy. You guys enjoy the rest of party. Check in is anytime after 4pm.”

“Thanks Mira. And congratulations again!”

Everything will be fine, Lucy assured herself. It’s just Natsu. She knows Natsu. He’s harmless. Spending one night alone together won’t kill her. Just think of it as more time to catch up. Maybe find out why he’s still single. ‘Stop that!’ Lucy chided her mind. She is not asking him that kind of question! Even though she is curious... more so now after having spent the last 4 hours being reminded of what a great guy he was. All the reason she’d crushed on him, his warmth, oof, his smile...

“Wait what?!” Lucy shrieked at the hotel receptionist. “There’s no rooms with two beds?”

“I’m very sorry ma’am, but we only have a few of those and they’re all taken already.”

“What about a roll-away?”

Again the woman shook her head. “We’re just a small country inn. We don’t have those.”

“Oh... my god...” Lucy breathed out. She’d have to share a bed with Natsu?!

Speaking of the man, at that moment, he gently coaxed Lucy away from the receptionist. “We’ll make it work, don’t worry, she’ll be fine,” he assured the woman. “Just give us the keys and we’ll be on our way.”

Once inside of the hotel room, Lucy surveyed their predicament. It was a king sized bed. Great, at least it provided a decent amount of space between them, and it was a very nice room... a bit too nice compared to a standard hotel room. Strange, but maybe it was the only option left because of the full capacity. Well, guess it wasn’t such a bad thing. She could think of it as a sleepover, like the kind they would have when they were teenagers.

The first thing Lucy did was change out of her formal party attire into something comfortable. When she exited the bathroom, Natsu was lounging on the bed, looking through the pamphlets the hotel left on the nightstand.

“What’re you reading?” She questioned him.

“It’s a pretty small hotel, no services, but they do have a restaurant open for lunch and dinner... oh and a pool.”

Lucy hadn’t brought a swim suit, so the pool was out of the question. “What time is the restaurant open till?”

“Um... 9pm.”

“Good. I’m not hungry yet, but in a couple of hours I will be.”

For the rest of the evening Natsu was weirdly quiet. He talked as needed, but it almost felt to Lucy as if he was trying to avoid something. Or maybe it was all in her head. Maybe Natsu was just as nervous as she was about arraignment and was doing his best not to make it uncomfortable. Their conversations were pleasant enough, catching up on their lives, their families, any new interests they may have developed. They’d become functional members of the community in careers they enjoyed. For all intents and purposes, their lives were normal, happy on the surface.

Around 11pm the pair agreed it was time to get some shut eye. It had been a long and contented day, but tomorrow they’d return to their own lives. They chose their respective sides, turning off the light and settled into bed facing away from each other.

As Lucy lay there, she reflected on how things had turned out and of their day. The thoughts in her mind loud against the silence of the darkened room. It felt weird, knowing Natsu lay less then two feet away. Or maybe it was simply weird sleeping in a bed with another person. It had been a couple years since her last failed relationship, so she wasn’t used to this feeling anymore. She didn’t know how many minutes had passed by when she’d heard Natsu shift in the bed and his voice, soft and hesitant cut through the inky blackness.

“Do you ever think about... us Lucy?”

What does he mean? “Us?” She parroted.

“I do sometimes,” Natsu continued. “I think about, what our lives would be like if I’d grown some balls and asked you out years ago... where would we be today?”

Lucy’s breathing slowed as she processed his words. Had she thought of it? Moisture slowly filled her eyes. Yes— yes she had, many, many times over the years. Every time a relationship failed, she thought about it. But she never blamed him because she was just as guilty for not saying something sooner. Yet here he was posing such a question.

Her eyes closed as she spoke. “What are you trying to say Natsu?” She felt him turn over and shift again, then a hand pulling, coaxing her to face him. Once she’d switched sides, Lucy could see his shadowed face, oozing with regret.

“I’m saying...” Natsu reached out and took her hand. “I wish we were an us. I’m saying I want to lay like this every night next to you, to wake up beside you, come home to you. Im saying... I don’t want this to end.”

Lucy squeezed his hand back. “Idiot!” Tears prickling the corners of her eyes. “Why didn’t you say something sooner!”

“I was afraid! Okay?! I thought you deserved better than me and I’d just hold you back!”

“Better?! It was always better together! All these years I’d been lonely and miserable cause no one could replace you!”

“I’m sorry!!”

A few seconds after the last words are screamed, laughter broke out from the two. Unrefined laughter at their own stupidity. They’d both been pining all these years and it took being stuck in a room together for it all to come crashing out.

“Natsu...” Lucy squeezed his hand again, “I’d really love to be an us too.”

He reached over and caressed her face. “I’ve always loved you Lucy, and I wanna make up for all the years we lost. But I have a confession to make.”

Oh, god what the hell now?! “What are you, actually married? No, divorced? Secret kids?! What?!” Lucy trembled as her euphoria threatened to crash down again.

Natsu scratched the back of his head nervously. “No! Nothing like that. The hotel didn’t make a mistake. Mira and I set this up so I could confess. I’d planned to do it earlier but couldn’t work up the nerve until I realized I was running out of time again...”

“Ohhh! Is that it?!” Lucy’s head lolled as she groaned. “You damn goof! You almost gave me a heart attack!”

“Im sorry!” He chuckled. “I just didn’t want you to find out later. And don’t blame Mira, it was my idea. I’ll make it all up, I promise. I’ll make you forget about those years of loneliness. I’m gonna make you so happy you—”

Lucy sighed. “Natsu?”

“Huh, yeah?”

“Just shut up and kiss me already.”