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#but god it wasn't even that deep
winepresswrath · 2 years
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I will laugh so hard if it turns out that John is making a sincere effort at being a decent parent and it's such an awful outcome for Gideon that I feel like it's plausible. He's giving off such man who thinks of himself as a good guy confronted with oops baby vibes.
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rainbowangel110 · 2 months
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I've never been scared of a comic panel before, it's always been "Oh!" before moving on.
Castle Swimmer came in with a metal baseball bat.
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kaisollisto · 6 months
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avatrice but they're both furniture tables.....
At first Ava just thinks it's just a really good day, the sun is shining at the right angle through the window that warms 3/4s of her. Her broad oak surface preens at the attention. She's always loved the way the window casts light. The slopes and curves hypnotize her.
There's something that calls to her, (the story, the mystery, the mistakes, the process,) that she loves. The arch, Ava pores over, there's a story brimming beneath the smooth glass. It vibrates at a frequency Ava can't get out of her mind. It sings to her and sometimes it drives her insane.
She wants to answer the call, to sing back but Ava is brown oak wood. She was made from the splinters of a great tree she can no longer taste.  The memory lingers like a tender bruise, the taste of something greater, something familiar, but now all she can taste is herself.
She tastes like a forest fire, smokey and raw. It sits inside of her lungs smoldering, burning her up. And Ava has never known how to stop heaving.
Ava's favorite game is finding love in plain sight. She can't calm the forest fire but it's easy to pretend she isn't on fire when passion curls inside her.
She looks for lingering touches, worn away divots, the absence of dust. There's always more to it, a reason, a why, an answer that Ava seeks. (One that she doesn't want to know but seeks.)
It's been years but Ava can still feel her. She stands on 4 legs just like her but there is purpose in the way she holds space. She holds it like a museum (whereas Ava fills her lungs with as much air as she can hold).
The question itches at Ava, it paws at her chest and she's always loved to scratch. She can't find it at first, the love, the absence, the dust, the divot, it's hard. For once in her life Ava just sees a table.
And it eats at Ava, she permeates Ava’s brain like a fine layer of dust. No matter how much Ava wipes off, the dust still settles. Ava can't escape her, they've never held a conversation (but Ava has held the air in her lungs longer in hopes she could taste something different).
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(She radiates devotion, and what is devotion if not something akin to love Ava thinks.)
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hydrachea · 5 months
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One day Mihoyo will let Genshin have a woman who's actually morally gray. Perhaps even evil.
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californiaquail · 2 months
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was hanging out with someone today and she was talking about how she would shoot the hawks and eagles if they went after her indoor/outdoor cat and i had to struggle to keep a straight face. there is an EASY fucking solution to this problem that doesn't involve killing federally protected wildlife OR your poor damn cat. who got in a fight last night and left fur all over the place.
#by hanging out with i mean she is the owner of the quarter horse mare that was here and she wanted me to come down when the farrier came?#the farrier is cool but he did give her some stupid fucking fearmongering pamphlet written by this idiot racist ~whistleblower~ about how#“They” (?) are going to be rationing peoples water and the dude is like blaming the local tribe for it....get the fuck over yourself buddy#the entire state is in a drought. disrespectfully. go fuck yourself#trump ass county for fucking real this is why i wanted to move to the next county over or at least the next town over in this county#like. not to dox myself but i live in thee bellwether county for presidential elections and these cunts are not voting blue let me tell you#it's all these retired fucking republicans!!!! god damn it there are so manyyyyyyyyy i don't know if i can do it guys#also i was talking to this woman about biking/hiking on the olympic discovery trail and she was like oh i've had some bad shit happen to me#on that trail and i'm like oh like what? and shes like#oh well one time this guy was living in the woods and i called the cops on him but they didn't care or do anything about it.#and instead of saying “why the fuck did you call the cops on somebody who wasn't even bothering you” and “what the fuck is your problem”#and “can't believe i'm saying this but the cop was actually the correct one in this situation” i had to be like oh huh :/#anyway literally nothing bad happened to her on the odt and people are kind of just heartless about homeless people#ALSO she was talking about when she was very sick on her recent trip to hawaii (...) and “not caring” about people worrying about her havin#covid like well actually the way you say that does reveal that you Do actually have a little dust bunny of shame about your shitty behavior#somewhere deep under the laminate tile of your soul and you fucking Know that's a shitty fucking way to act but youre doing it anyway. lol!#and this is such a very standard example of almost everyone i've met here. i'm going insane none of you have basic compassion or decency#for people you don't already care about. We Live In A Fucking Society WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.#i have to stop bitching it's after midnight but this was my first real contact with another person for the last 12 days#(BECAUSE i fucking had covid and i was isolating like a normal person instead of being a dumb entitled fucking asshole about it)#and it was just soooo peppered with this selfish fucking libertarian nonsense the whole time it is SO frustrating holy shit#i have to be nice to this woman because she wants my help with her horse (who needs my help frankly) and she's lived here her whole life so#she has thee connections and has also offered to help me get a car which i can't tell how serious she is but we need to be on good terms#jesus christ. hey if anyone is reading this and you read the whole thing and you read my tag essays regularly we have to get legally marrie#you know too much. wedding in november#me
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ripplefields · 1 hour
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i think it's so funny whenever ppl were like "why can't deep cut be mean to each other on tv like oth were !" oh you mean the creative liberties ? the creative liberties NOA took to make marina meaner in english versions ? the lines that were deliberately fixed in later updates because they betrayed her character and had almost 0 resemblance to how she was in the JP versions ? THAT oth ?
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vellichorom · 3 months
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We've sort of turned into the undertale fandom at it's peak
Not in a bad way, but with our characters and plot
Underverse was completely different from Undertale plot-wise
I wouldn't call it a deterioration (not that you did), more of an evolution through time, like how pictures of Earth look different in 2012 or 2020
It's so fun to watch fandoms grow, they're like little ecosystems
- cat anon :3
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SORRY this ask came in MONTHS ago while i was having some kind of meltdown but looking back on it, all i'm reminded of is just the State of the undertale fandom circa 2016-17 with underverse & the daycare shit & sugarmelon & uhhh glitchtale & all the incest & oh my fucking god
look i'm all for people having fun, i really am & i never would want to ruin that for people. i don't even resent the undertale fandom for going to the insane degree it did beyond the more scarring shit you'd just get hit with i'm All for fandoms growing,
however, if i ever see modern day TSP even step remotely in that direction past the " narrators for everything " & selfcest, i'm going to open a twitch account, start streaming, eat myself like an ouroboros & make you people watch
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assorted-aesthetics · 3 months
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old theology-themed art post getting rb'd outside of its original context of queer theology and mostly ppl are behaving but it's gettin kinda weird considering deleting
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gale-gaze · 2 months
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[ I'm casually awake at 4:20am again, thinking about Gale not knowing how to smoke a pipe with a carb and he is too intimidated by bongs cause he is afraid he is going to slurp up bong water so he just gives you puppy eyes to shotgun him anytime you take a hit but he insists it's just cause it's hot and not because he has no idea what the fuck he is doing and is too afraid to ask for help ]
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kelvingemstone · 8 months
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a starstruck odyssey is for lovers
#more than acofaf even. the love story of the wurst is what dreams are made of#emilymurph sitting next to each other...skip straightest man ever prince of alien slugs learning to be free bc of the crew...gnosis...#best on average npcs. lucienne plug bambi leroux the butch at the space station fuckin space heiress trust fund baby bajar crunch moon jone#and this is not to say ANYTHING of how good the characters are.#they could keep making d20 seasons forever and starstruck will always be a cut above the rest because of how fucking good the setting is#like with crown of candy even tho i loved it sm i feel like some politics were discarded in favor of the others; all out war was eh to me#the build up to a war tho? now that's interesting that's where the juice is basically i wanted asoiaf book one vibes with this cast but#that's a matter of personal preference! i don't feel like acoc did the most that could've been done with a “politics” campaign#dimension 20#dropout.tv#a starstruck odyssey#because of their deep investment in the world and the genre it never feels like starstruck couldn't do anything. it feels limitless!#season two...god if they never do one that'd be such wasted capability#ik fantasy high is so beloved and it is a beautiful lasagna of time and playing style but if i could get multiple seasons w starstruck...#the thing that makes asoiaf asoiaf is that we have a similar level of insight into the minds of baddies like the lannisters as we do into#the minds of the clean jesus allegory starks. and in acoc the “worst” character we got from the heroes was lapin n even he was aligned#to the rocks' cause. saccharina WAS a rocks -- that was her whole deal -- and even then she wasn't a morally reproachable character bc#she was right! i wanted acoc to be down and dirty and when they said ravening would be i was excited but even that turned out to be them#destroying a secret cult which was going to kill the world. no really down low shenanigans!
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stellacadente · 2 months
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i realized how much it scares me that my mind will convince itself of even the ugliest things if i start thinking them often enough and it's... yeah. like i had a good session with my psychiatric rehabilitation therapist i think it was very useful but then at the end i got hit by this feeling of fear... like i'm so scared of myself and how low i can get
#like i convinced myself the only way to deal with my pain and my problems was to attempt suicide so people would know i was suffering#bc i wasn't able to tell them#and i really really for real believed it and i did exactly that and it's very scary to think my mind can get so twisted and believe these#distorted versions of reality or twisted ways to get what i need or all the negative things i think of myself#and like i guess this is just part of working on getting rid of these beliefs. that i'm realising just how deep in them i am and that it#scares me#but it's not a nice feeling. i'm really trying not to judge myself for it that's not useful. i'm still learning how to not judge myself#for every little thing but god it's hard i'm so used to thinking i'm too much or not enough or too emotional or too stupid or inadequate et#just every bad thing under the sun#but even trying my hardest to mantain like a non judgmental view of this issue... the fear is the hardest part rn#it's just... i don't even know who i am? and that's also something we're gonna work on and started to a little#but i don't know who i am and so i just believe abt myself whatever the situation leads me to believe. whatever my bpd leads me to believe#whatever others lead me to believe#and the last one especially is perhaps my biggest issue. i don't know myself and i don't like what “myself” currently is and i live for#other people i live to please others i do things so others will like me or at least not dislike me so i can hate myself less#and really that's no way to live. and this is something this therapist is making me realize and understand#but it's just seriously so.... scary all of this all of this realizing i'm just an empty vessel that i fill up depending on the person i'm#interacting with and that i am.. nothing. like not nothing but like nico is not a formed person. i have molded myself to other ppl's tastes#and needs and if i try to look beyond that there's just this void or at least this question mark#i don't think i have like no personality? but well i do have a personality disorder so that's fucked me up! and it's! aaaa!!#if i think about the things i have convinced myself of by sheer repeating thek to myself all the time in my dark moments...idk#and like it was manageable when the dark moments had reduced and i was relatively okay. but as soon as i got bad again... oh#it started being a constant bombardment of negative talk to myself abt myself and a constant telling myself#well pretty much that there is no worth to be found inside myself. so unless this pain somehow goes away by itself i'll kill myself#that was basically my train of thought every day multiple times a day for months and months#that is scary!!!!!!!! that is so!!!! i'm so#sorry this is a mess. i'm trying not to cry bc i'm at my parents' house and my father's around but. yeah. just lots of feelings#and again it's probably normal i mean talking about these things is good! but feelings are bound to arise and some are hard to deal with#suicide tw#sorry i forgot the tw in my being upset in the moment
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cuthechicane · 1 year
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also continuing the theme of being insane about narratives who is going to write about lewis being the antithesis to "everyone is a ferrari fan, even if they say they’re not, they are ferrari fans." sth sth everyone bleeds red but the red beast has no hold over someone with a heart of chrome (insane to me he's been in the sport seventeen years and still the only engine he's ever known is mercedes)
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dandyshucks · 3 months
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Guz holding me tight and Guz telling me I'm safe and Guz giving me some sort of necklace or bracelet as a physical reminder that I can keep on me of the fact that I am safe and he loves me and I will not be tossed to the curb the moment I get a little unstable. and then perhaps also a warm bath or a nice cozy movie night or something together. augh.
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lystring · 1 year
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just love that amongst all the insane pushback people have been getting lately for talking very openly about fatphobia in our society which is a serious problem people are straight up reblogging posts adding severely triggering images of extremely anorexic people as some sort of Gotcha, like fatphobia Cant be real because Look how mean people are being about this person who is clearly dying from one of the worst diseases born Out Of Our Fucking Society Being Fatphobic im losing my mind what is happening etc
#like i dont think ive ever talked about this on this blog or ever#but i used to be DEEP into proana tumblr back in the day like.#most of us didnt consider ourselves 'proana' or 'probulimia' or whatever but it was a fucking lifestyle and it was a dark hole#that i had to claw myself out of#and im sorry its extremely triggering that people are harping onto posts TALKING ABOUT A REAL ISSUE THEY DO NOT EXPERIENCE#with images of severely diseased women sayin Well Actually Your Experiences Arent That Bad Cus Look#We Also Have It Bad#yeah well#one does not detract from the other#and also Maybe. hmm. there is a correlation...if not even causation........#maybeeeee if fatphobia wasn't such a huge issue....you wouldn't feel the need to...idk avoid experiencing that...#cus like okay I know im only speaking from my own experience but#seeing the way society treated fat people growing up constantly surrounded by people on Diets all the time#trying to Avoid being fat at All Cost#miiight have contributed to my ED and wanting to be skinny#like.#honestly moving away from those spaces and being friends with and following people that experience fatphobia#has heloed me in soooo many ways to just like accept myself a bit more and also realize the enormous damage#that fatphobia does to us through media and social media like#im honestly just ranting rn but god im so mad#I saw like One Too Many posts like that but didn't wanna jump on being annoying so i made my own posr#im sorry for anyone going through it rn being stuck in proana or fitblr whatever hell#because like it wont make it better. it will feel like your only escape because People in your life wont understand#but it will just continue to pull you in until nothing else or no-one else mkes sense#and that is Not Good or okay and yeah#talk to someone outside of this site about this please#don't argue with others talking about their own experiences that you cant relate to because if you somehow#like#see that as an attack on you personally#thats a problem...you need to address that.
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apollo-zero-one · 6 months
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Man I can't believe I had the chance to go to a performing arts school up through middle school and I fuckin quit after 6 months just because I got bullied. BRO YOUR HOMEWORK WAS POETRY!! YOU HAD TO PRACTICE DANCING TO COTTON EYE JOE AS YOUR BIG UNIT TEST. GYM CLASS HAD A CIRCUS UNIT!! YOU HAD A WHOLE DAILY CLASS ON IMPROV!!! YOU FOOL!! YOU ABSOLUTE IMBICILE!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN A YOUTUBER!!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN ONE OF THOSE TWEENAGERS GETTING LOADED BY MAKING SHITTY YOUTUBE SHORTS IN 2008-14!! But noooOoooOOOoo little miss Noellie (who WANTED TO GO!! who worked SO HARD and sent in an application essay and did an INTERVIEW to get in!!) couldn't handle disruptive classmates or little scuffles and petty grudges and general Attitude of the other students and cried to mommy to put her back in public school. I am EATING MY HAIR over what Could Have Been. I COULD BE SOMEONE'S ANNOYING YOUTUBER!! I could be a DISGRACED DISNEY CHANNEL STAR!! I could be an America's Got Talent winner! A mild to moderately successful comedian! I could be making short films!! But no no no precious thin skinned baby me heard a few new cus words and watched a teacher get heckled and begged to give up The Dream in favor of?? Quiet math tests?? I am such a fucking quitter I quit everything the second it gets too hard I always take the out as soon as it's offered what's my fucking damage.....
#I had SO MUCH POTENTIAL and I SQUANDERED IT!! weak ass third grade PUSSY! Your life could have been SO SICK!!#or you could at least be addicted to cocain or something interesting like that!! Boring ass goody two shoes always just staying home doing#NOTHING bitch make a REAL FRIEND go to a God Damn PARTY live a little instead of just hiding in the closet eating saltine crackers for years#waiting for it to be quiet outside before you ever even toed the line#mentally ill self-isolating motherfucker#you could have shrugged it off you could have GROWN A PAIR and FOUGHT BACK but you just ran and cried for mommy#victim complex little bitch baby always whining and exaggerating and making shit up fucking LIAR I am you and I KNOW what you did and I know#you knew it wasn't the truth and you regretted it the moment it came out of uour mouth but once you'd said it you just swallowed it back and#doubled down incriminating or discrediting others with your lies. For why? Because you didn't like them? You could have ruined someone's#life you wouldn't have hesitated mayhe you did and don't even remember because you cant keep your mouth shut with your pants ablaze#manipulative little shit and to WHAT END? Pity? Sympathy? Attention? Entertainment?? What was even going on in your stupid ugly head?#This is a callout post for my third grade self that possessed demon ass evil nine year old. That kid drowned anthills in olive oil and#poisoned a wild animal once. That kid cut plants just to see if they oozed. That kid modified her whole ass personality on a dime for a boy#she had a crush on. INSTANTLY dropped a LIFELONG CULTURAL ALLEGIANCE (thats what football teams were like back then in our town) because he#said he had the opposite allegiance??? What the fuck? girl had NO integrity none zip zilch.#No empthy either that kid looked at everyone else on earth like they were friggin space aliens and she was the only one with Real feelings.#bitch literally thought like 'I have Feelings they just have Reactions' bitch what the fuckkkkk#that nine year old was fucked the hell up!!!#and for literally NO REASON!! No cause!! Just born fucking evil and weird. jesus fuck.#Evil ass bitch caused her autistic brother months of nightmares and then laughed about it and wrote poetry about how evil he was because he?#was a kid??? Normal sibling rivalry taken way way way too far defamatory ass statements#and this girl had NO CONSEQUENCES because she could lie and manipulate her way out of ANYTHING she had the baby eyes and the helpless charm#and played dumb soooo well . read people like some calculative evil AI scanning their faces for microexpressions and overanalyzing each word#choice like holy shit. its not That Deep. pretentious shit trying to play 5D chess on a checkers board.#Manipulating shit just to see what happens?? zero awareness?? no asking just skipping straight to testing for yourself??#'What happens if I step on this' it fucking breaks 'what does that taste like?' it's not fucking yours to mess with 'if I hit this person#how will they respond?' they'll be upset use your goddamn judgement you are NINE not TWO do you even care a little about any other person??#Are you just living in some other reality???#callout post for the fucking demon child inside of me#im so goddamn problematic I'm so so so deeply mentally disturbed and broken for no reason
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thegetdownrebooter · 1 year
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i actually feel so vindicated by tom admitting to being a gold digger because i've been saying that since day one!
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