#but getting embroiled in other people's drama then getting shocked if they get embroiled in his drama is peak lestat

[rainbowcarousels]

I got reminded that I did not in fact go into the random human AU idea I had and I'm just going to ramble. Human AU's are not my usual thing so bear with me.

Five years ago, Lestat de Lioncourt was on top of the world: his band had exploded two years ago with a breakout hit, he and his friends put on shows that were half-music half-theatre and every station seemed to be playing his songs nonstop. Then everything had imploded: bandmate and childhood sweetheart had died, he had developed an addiction to a new street substance known as the blood, he'd had an affair with the OG rock queen from Those Who Must Be Kept and had in his youthful naivite provided her with an alibi for murdering her husband and finally, a show got stormed by people looking for his blood, causing the deaths of several innocent bystanders. The band broke apart and he retreated into his own anonymity.

Now in his 20's and trying to pull his life back together, he takes a leap and ends up going to night school. He'd always struggled with literacy and having dropped out, it felt like an important step to at least make steps to move on with his life.

He's recommended a support group of other people on campus who've struggled with substance issues. This is where he meets Louis, someone who makes him double take for how much he looks like Nicolas, but he's quieter, always seems to be reading and is willing - although frequently exhasperated by doing it - to help him with his reading. This is how he finds out that he struggled with direction after his brother died suddenly and the guilt of not knowing if he could have prevented it. Well, if anyone understands that feeling...

Then there's the impossibly young looking Armand, another person who had been caught up in the rumour mill for having supposedly slept with two of his teachers and seems to swing between desperately wanting his attention and treating him like something a cat dragged in. One minute he won't even tell people his surname and the next, he drops the most disturbing trauma bombs about his background he's ever heard outside of a true crime podcast.

Speaking of, he has another kindred spirit in another burn out: a writer who seems to instantly recognise him who seems to be a little fried and easily distracted. Honestly, he might be the only person there with a normal background. Jesse grew up in a mysterious commune where people came day or night before being recruited by some shadowy group (she jokingly even refers to herself as sydney bristow), along with her friend who comes along for the ride.

Don't get him started on the faculty members that come in and either sit in or work in the room with them: the tension when the art teacher overlooks them is palpable, but it's not much better to be studied by the one that looks like a gothic cryptid. He has no idea what he teaches, but it always feels like he's paying far too close attention to them while playing with rings. There's also the strangely quiet one who just seems to sit there, almost as if she were a statue and an older looking man who just constantly seems to break the computer he's on in the rooms corner.

It's only a few nights a week, but they're as close to friends as he seems to have these days. It feels like he's being seen on his own terms for the first time in a long while and it's great, but also terrifying. Not to mention the fact he always feels like he's being stalked by someone - like they're just out of sight every time he looks around, or he glimpses a face that looks almost familiar but he can't place it.

He's just trying to move on with his life, so why does it feel like something is haunting him?

[mononijikayu]

already gone – gojo satoru.

(manga spoilers for chapter 261)

His eyes flicked to yours, a flicker of pain and understanding passing between you. In that moment, you both knew that there would be no going back to the way things were. The choices made here would haunt you, but you also knew that you would face the future together, bound by the shared weight of your decisions and the unspoken promise of support.

GENRE: shinjiku showdown arc (spoilers for chapter 261)

WARNING/S: domesticity, fluff, angst, trauma, implied death, violence, romance, hurt/comfort, character death depiction of death, depictions of loss and depression, depiction of blood, depiction of killing, depiction of suffering, depiction of anxiety, mention of death, mention of grief, profanity, family drama;

LISTEN: already gone by sleeping at last

NOTE: im mourning so hard, i haven't stopped crying. but i cried more because i can't imagine how my oc would feel considering genmei views satoru as her lifeline. im not even at that part of the story writing, but genmei would be hit hard. she wouldnt be able to move on. she wouldn't be able to stop crying either. but i needed to write this, to get the emotional brunt off my chest. i hope that this comforts you a little as it did with me. i love you all. hugs for everyone.

masterlist

u s and t h e m

THERE REALLY WAS NO GOING BACK FROM THIS. You and Satoru sat alone amidst the aftermath, the bodies of the higher-ups lying around you, a grim testament to the brutal reality you both faced. 

The silence was heavy, a suffocating weight that pressed down on your chest as you stared at the carnage. The acrid scent of blood and death hung in the air, mingling with the faint metallic tang that coated your tongue. Each breath felt like an effort, the gravity of what had transpired settling over you like a dark cloud.

Satoru, usually so carefree and unbothered, looked uncharacteristically solemn. His usually bright, mischievous eyes were shadowed with emotions embroiling into a chaotic harmony. 

He sat close to you, his hand resting on the ground beside yours, fingers almost brushing but not quite. The unspoken connection between you had always been palpable. Even when both of you were a bit younger. It was if anything, even when you both lost Suguru, a thin thread of solace in the midst of the horror.

You glanced at Satoru, seeking some form of reassurance, but his gaze was fixed on the bodies, his jaw clenched tight. The weight of the recent events bore down on you both, the decisions made, the lives taken, all swirling in a chaotic maelstrom of regret and necessity. 

There was no other choice. Not when there was such little time, when there was no way you would leave this for the kids to wrap up. It was a moment where the true cost of your responsibilities became painfully clear, the price paid in blood and sacrifice. This is all that will secure the future.

Satoru finally broke the silence, his voice low and rough. "We did what we had to." he said, more to himself than to you, as if trying to convince himself of the necessity of their actions. “Don’t think too much.”

You nodded, though your heart ached with the truth of his words. "I know." you replied, your voice barely above a whisper. "But after all this time, I thought it would be easier.”

You did think it was easier. You knew what it was like to kill human beings. The act of taking a life was not foreign to you; it had been part of your existence as a jujutsu sorcerer for as long as you could remember. The initial shock and horror of it had dulled over time, replaced by a grim acceptance of necessity. Each death was a means to an end, a way to protect the innocent, to rid the world of curses, to maintain balance. Yet, today felt different.

The bodies of the higher-ups lay sprawled around you, their lifeless eyes staring blankly at the ceiling. These were not faceless enemies or malevolent curses; these were people you had known, some for years. Their ambitions, their fears, their humanity—it all lay exposed in the finality of their deaths. You and Satoru had made a choice, one born out of desperation and the need for a new order, but the cost of that choice now weighed heavily on your soul.

You have always been able to justify your actions in the past. Each kill had been a step toward a greater good, a necessary evil in the grand scheme of things. But this? This felt like a betrayal of the very essence of what you stood for. These were your peers, your allies, albeit flawed and corrupt. The distinction between right and wrong blurred, leaving you adrift in a sea of moral ambiguity.

Satoru's hand tightened around yours, a silent anchor in the storm of your thoughts. His presence was a reminder that you were not alone in this, that he too bore the weight of what you had done. You glanced at him, searching for some semblance of solace in his expression. His face was a mask of determination, but his eyes—those piercing blue eyes—betrayed a depth of sorrow that mirrored your own.

His eyes flicked to yours, a flicker of pain and understanding passing between you. In that moment, you both knew that there would be no going back to the way things were. The choices made here would haunt you, but you also knew that you would face the future together, bound by the shared weight of your decisions and the unspoken promise of support.

“Hm, it doesn’t.”

Silence engulfs you both.

Your eyes flared downward.

A sigh passes through your lips.

"It's not in you to have liked to do this." you finally said, breaking the silence. Your voice trembled with the weight of unspoken emotions, the sorrow churning in layers unknown. “To decide the upper floors had to go.”

Satoru sighed, his gaze fixed on the horizon, a faraway look in his eyes. "We had no choice," he replied, his voice devoid of its usual lightheartedness. "We have no more time to indulge in the future."

There was so much you wanted to say, so many arguments and pleas that burned on the tip of your tongue. But the words refused to come, trapped in the maelstrom of your conflicted heart. Satoru seemed to sense your turmoil, turning to face you, his piercing blue eyes searching yours.

"Just say it," he urged gently. "Tell me how you hate me for what Yuuta and I agreed to do, should I lose to Sukuna."

You met his gaze, the pain and love in your eyes reflected in his own. "I do hate you," you whispered, the confession tearing at your soul. "Because I love you too much."

Satoru's expression softened, and he stood, walking over to you. He pulled you into his arms, his embrace warm and comforting. "The loss of me will pass," he murmured against your hair, his breath warm on your skin. “Hm? You will always move forward. You have to.”

You clung to him, the thought of losing him more than you could bear. "You say it as it is. I had to. Not because I wanted to.”

He laughs a little, echoes of guilt layered among it.. “But you will this time too.”

This is what you think you hated the most about Satoru. How settled he was in his ways, how stubborn he was with his plan. It was a means to an end. As long as it brought down the system, he didn’t care about what happened. As long as his students lived, he didn’t care. And yet you wondered, what he would leave you with. 

How much emptiness, how much grief he would let you settle for years and years — because he cared more about the world he wanted to build. In a way, you loved Satoru too much. You loved him so much you went against the world you had always known.

You had a dream of a normal life. Once when Kaiko and Namie were alive. Once with Shoko, Suguru and Satoru. When all you had left was Satoru, you were determined to live for him. 

But you never gave up on that dream That you would have that white picket fence life. That you would raise a family. That you would grow old with him. But you should have known. You should have known that he was too far gone for you to reach. 

Even with all the love that was between you, you should have known that love would not be enough to bring him back to life. Gojo Satoru had decided that love was a curse. And he lived by it. Geto Suguru had given it to him. 

And he had accepted it. And since that day, you knew that he would have never let it go. Yet, what right do you have to judge him for it? You felt the same, when Kaiko died. And you never looked back. 

“I loved you too much to let you just be a passerby in my life," you finally  said, your voice breaking. "I've lost too much already, Satoru. But…. but to lose you would break me."

He held you tighter, his voice steady and resolute. "You have to be strong, for me and for everyone, y’know that." he said. "They'll need you when I'm gone."

His words cut deep, but you knew he was right. The world would keep turning. The sun would keep moving forward. The march of time, the echo of life would not change. It will go on and on. Even without him. People would need you to be there, to fight for them, to protect them. But the thought of a world without him was a dark, hollow void in your life, in your heart. In your soul. More tears flowed in your eyes. 

Memories echoed in your head, as though they were just reels of your life in a picture show. You knew he could see it too, as though his six-eyes could see it as painfully as you could. As clearly as possible. Eleven years of life, motioned into small moments. Small  moments that encompassed your whole world. Because he was your world. He was your whole world. 

2011

You and Satoru spent a day at the beach, the sun high in the sky and the ocean waves crashing gently against the shore. He chased you along the sand, laughter bubbling up as you tried to escape his playful grasp. When he finally caught you, he lifted you up and spun you around, both of you dizzy with happiness.

You collapsed onto the sand together, breathless and smiling. "I wish we could stay here forever," you said, looking out at the endless horizon.

He squeezed your hand, his voice soft and sincere. "We can always come back. This place will always be here for us. We’ll bring Megumi and Tsumiki with us next time too.”

You smile back at him. “I’d like that, Satoru. More than you know.”

2013

One quiet night, you both lay on a blanket under a canopy of stars, the world around you silent and still. Satoru pointed out constellations, his voice a soothing murmur in the darkness.

"There's Orion," he said, tracing the outline with his finger. "And over there is Cassiopeia."

You nestled closer to him, feeling the steady rise and fall of his chest. "Do you think we'll always have moments like this?" you asked softly.

He wrapped an arm around you, his voice filled with certainty. "Always. No matter what happens, we'll always find our way back to each other."

2014

Your New Year's together that year was magical. You stood on a rooftop, watching fireworks light up the night sky. The colors exploded in brilliant patterns, reflecting in Satoru's eyes as he pulled you close.

"Happy New Year," he whispered, his lips brushing against yours in a tender kiss.

"Happy New Year," you replied, feeling a sense of hope and excitement for the future. "Let's make this year unforgettable."

He smiled, his arms wrapped securely around you. "Every year with you will be unforgettable."

“You guys make me sick.” Megumi whispered under his breath, taking a bite out of his cake. 

“Megumi, don’t say that! They’re in love.” Tsumiki says, smiling at the sight of you and Satoru.

You both could only laugh.

2017

In the quiet of the night, you and Satoru sat together, your hearts heavy with grief for the loss of Suguru. The weight of his absence hung in the air like a tangible presence, a reminder of the sacrifices made in the name of duty and honor.

Satoru's normally bright eyes were dimmed with sorrow, his shoulders slumped with the weight of the burden he carried. You reached out, gently taking his hand in yours, offering what little comfort you could in the face of such profound loss.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice choked with emotion. "I had to do it. I had no choice."

You squeezed his hand, offering silent understanding and support. "I know," you replied softly. "It wasn't easy, but you did what had to be done. Suguru understood that."

Tears welled in Satoru's eyes as he leaned into your embrace, seeking solace in the warmth of your presence. In that moment of shared sorrow, you held each other close, finding strength in your love and the knowledge that you would always be there for one another, no matter what trials lay ahead.

Satoru pulled back slightly, his eyes meeting yours with a sorrowful intensity. "Remember all the things we wanted?" he began softly. "Now all our memories, they're haunted."

Tears welled in your eyes as his words resonate deeply within you. "We were always meant to say goodbye." you whispered, your voice trembling. 

"Even with our fists held high, it never would have worked out right," he continued, his voice barely above a whisper. "We were never meant for do or die, darling."

A sob escaped your lips, and you shook your head. "I didn't want us to burn out, Satoru" you said, your voice breaking. "I didn't come here to hurt you now. I don't want to hurt you. But now I.... I can't stop."

Satoru gently cupped your face, his thumbs wiping away your tears. "I want you to know that it doesn't matter where we take this road. Someone's gotta go."

His words cut through you like a knife, the finality of it all hitting you hard. "It doesn't have to be you."

He smiles shaking his head.

"And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better," he said, his voice full of love and regret. "But I want you to move on, so I'm already gone."

“How do I do it?” You sobbed to him. “Without you?”

“You can.” He presses a kiss against your nose. “And you will.”

“You were meant to grow old with me.” You croaked to him.

"But now you’ll do it for me. For the both of us, hm? Live a long life." Satoru shakes his head, his voice gentle but firm. "Keep Gakuganji in check. You know that old geezer can’t be trusted to keep the straight line.”

“Satoru….”

“Keep the jujutsu world at peace on my behalf.”

You shake your head against his chest.

You hit your arms against his figure.

Infinity was always down when it was you.

“Live long so that you have stories to tell me."

You buried your face in his chest, your tears soaking into his shirt. "I hate you!" you repeated, the words laced with anguish. “I really really hate you.”

He laughed sadly, a bittersweet sound that echoed in the empty space around you. "I know, darling." he said softly, pressing a kiss to your temple. "I know."

In that moment, you both understood the depth of your bond, the unspoken promises and the inevitable heartache that lay ahead. But for now, you held onto each other, finding solace in the shared pain and the love that had brought you together.

When you let him go that day, you knew.

You would have to wait until you were gray.

You looked at Shoko and you shook your head.

Your eyes were too red to even look one last time..

As far as you were concerned, he was already gone.

[alteredphoenix]

You know, for all the drama the W*W community gets itself embroiled in, I’m glad - in a way - the only controversy I caused was pissing off the Sylv*ina community and bringing their wrath down on my head by making that crit - not hate - post and bringing up the succession crisis regardless of how in good faith asking that question was. Was I sort of happy about the response? Kind of, but really I was bummed out - and blindsided - by the reaction it caused; I never intended to anger and shock that many people (I still remember a comment someone made in another person’s post that, last I checked, got 100+ notes on “hey, look at this person writing up several paragraphs’ worth of a ship she doesn’t care about“ and another that read “it’s like stopping to look into the window of a restaurant you’re passing on the street and deciding on the spot you hate the food that’s inside” - and this isn’t a call-out or meant to rag on that person, it’s just something that stuck with me).

I still feel bad about making that post to this day; it’s long since been deleted (although you’ll certainly find my response on that other person’s post if you look back far enough) but with the knowledge I have now I would not have made it. I even considered writing a Sylv*ina fic as a sort of olive branch to the community for angering them so viscerally. But then I remembered thinking to myself I’d probably get bullied for trying to make amends or shit on even more and decided it wasn’t worth the hassle; if there was any ragging about it on Twitter as there was here on Tumblr, I’d understand, I deserved that. I can think of a couple certain big-name WLW writers that like that ship that certainly wouldn’t be too happy seeing my name plastered with that ship tag; I’m not always nice to the girls I write about let alone always talk nicely about them. And, you know, that’s fair.

Honestly that was the first instance where I sat back and thought ‘you know, maybe I oughta step away from the fandom’ because the whole point about shipping is having fun with stuff that doesn’t even make sense, and who’s going to want to have someone around that doesn’t like 99% of W*W’s ships? But the W*W fandom has always been volatile, and a lot of other things non-ship related happened that finally got me to back off from it, but. Yeah. I still think about this now and again. And I think it’s for the best to just keep my distance and do my own thing (and I know I’ve said this a lot in the past, but it’s true).

Not going to tag this for obvious reasons, but mainly because I have a certain streamer friend that’s notable in the community who is going through a very rough patch (if you know you know, but I’ll leave it at that) and it got me thinking about the aforementioned bit the past couple of days. That’s all.

[elenarodriiguez]

day fourteen: can’t go home | k.b. & m.l.

summary: spring break isn’t all that fun when you haven’t got a home to go to

pairing: kate bishop x maya lopez

word count: 1132

read it on ao3

It takes an embarrassingly long time for Kate to realise that she can’t go back to her mom’s apartment anymore. Between spending the rest of Christmas break with the Bartons and starting her final semester at college, it was easy for her to forget that her childhood home was no longer her own.

But when spring break rolls around, and her friends start talking about moving back home, she comes to the realisation that she no longer has anywhere that she can call home. And while she’s fairly certain that the Bartons would welcome her back into their house with open arms, she really doesn’t want to overstay her welcome.

So she does what she does best: pretend that everything is okay. When midterms are done she gets on a plane back to New York and books a hotel room for the two weeks she has off school, and for the first time since she helped get her mom arrested, she feels lonely. There wouldn’t be any early morning coffee catch ups, any late night binges of crappy procedural dramas, any warm hugs whenever they weren’t in the public eye, all of that was gone.

She spends her break oscillating between isolating herself from everyone in her hotel room and wandering around New York as if she were a tourist. That’s the one thing she loves about being back in New York, no one recognises her despite being embroiled in her mother’s scandal, and if they do, no one cares enough to ask her about it.

It seemed like all she’d done last semester was answer people’s burning questions about her mom, and frankly she was sick of talking about it (sick of the guilt that arose every time her involvement in her arrest got mentioned). So going back to New York seemed like the optimal decision for her to make. But it was also the loneliest.

Since the bell tower and all of the goings on with her mom, most of her friends at college had dropped her to save face, and it wasn’t like she could do much about it. Hence why walking around New York was the best thing she could do, because at least then she’d be around other non-judgemental people - or at least as non-judgmental as New Yorkers could be.

Kate had decided in her hotel room that she’d make her way to her favourite coffee shop near her old house, which was a good forty minute walk away. It would’ve been much quicker to take the subway, but she needed the walk to psyche herself up to going back after all of these months, and the subway journey wouldn’t be nearly long enough.

To her surprise, she only seriously considers going back to her hotel room three times, but she still manages to make it to the coffee shop when she had told herself to. Going up to the counter, she makes small talk with the barista, having gone to high school with them, and treats herself to one of the caramel brownies for successfully achieving her goal for the day. But as she turns to leave and make the journey back, she notices a vaguely familiar figure out of the corner of her eye.

When she takes a second look, she has to brace herself, instinctively going to reach for a bow that she doesn’t have on her before relaxing. Unlike the last time she saw here, she isn’t flocked with her tracksuit wearing henchmen, instead she’s alone, drinking what appears to be a caramel frappuccino, not so subtly surveilling the shop.

In what might be one of her stupidest decisions to date, Kate straightens her back, takes a deep breath that does nothing to calm her nerves before walking over and sitting at the free seat opposite Maya. Her head shoots up the moment Kate pulls the chair back, but she doesn’t try to stop her from sitting down, a knowing smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth.

“Hi Maya,” Kate signs slowly, still unsure of her limited knowledge, “how’ve you been?”

Maya doesn’t quite manage to hide her shock at her signing, but she gathers her composure quickly enough that if Kate wasn’t paying attention to her she wouldn’t have noticed the temporary lapse.

“Not too bad, family drama, although I’m sure you understand.”

Although she feels a burst of customary annoyance at the mention of her family issues, she doesn’t get angry like she does with everyone else, knowing that she doesn’t mean it in a malicious way. She’s ashamed to admit it but she’d pretty much forgotten about Fisk and Maya’s relationship in wake of everything else, and it makes her wonder what was going on with them now. Since Christmas, there hadn’t been any word on Fisk or his tracksuit mafia, but Kate can’t imagine that Maya would still be alive if he was active and mobile.

“Yeah.” Her hands hang limply by her sides as the conversation draws to an awkward halt. “Why are you here? This isn’t exactly your stomping ground.” She signs, finger spelling the last words.

“I was hoping to find you. You’re a hard woman to find, Kate Bishop.”

Kate feels a swell of pride when Maya gives her a name sign rather than just spelling it out, but tries her best not to let it show, although by the growing smirk on Maya’s face she isn’t doing a great job of it.

“I haven’t seen Clint in months, so if you’re on another murder rampage then-”

Before she can get angry on his behalf and her own, Maya grabs her hands, effectively silencing her rant. She smirks at the hot tempered brunette, whose face was flushing bright red now for a reason which neither one of them could be completely certain of.

“No, it’s not that. I just thought you might want the company. It’s lonely, isn’t it? Having no one else in your life. And from what I’ve heard, spring break is a big deal at college.”

“Oh.”

All of the fight leaves her body, and she starts breaking her brownie into bite size chunks, focusing all of her attention on the sweet treat.

“Thank you Maya. Do you want to go for a drink later? There’s this bar I know that does great cocktails and actually has decent lighting.”

Maya thinks it over for a moment before nodding, holding her phone out for Kate to add her number to.

“Sounds like a date.” She signs once Kate passes her phone back, not giving the archer a chance to get flustered or deny it as she leaves the coffee shop behind.

Maybe Kate couldn’t go home, but being with Maya isn’t too bad either. Perhaps they could find home in each other.

[retrievablememories]

the honeymooners | taemin (m)

title: the honeymooners pairing: taemin x reader genre: smut, angst, fluff request: “Taemin and his new bride get into a fight at the hotel they’re staying at in China because she saw her ex and was all touchy(not purposely) and he was jealous that other men looked at her despite she being HIS wife so he reminds her who she married after they get back to their hotel room and he shows her how much he loves her body & soul as they make love and after he apologizes for being so angry,tells her he loves her so much+is blessed to her hubby and can’t wait to have kids with her. ❤️��� word count: 4.1k warnings: oral (female receiving), exhibitionism, unprotected sex (don’t try at home 🤪), creampie

For your honeymoon, you and Taemin decided to spend a few weeks in Shanghai. Everything was planned out ahead of time to make sure you’d have the best time possible — from the hotel you were staying in to the things you were going to see around the city.

Things had been going well for the first few days — just as well as you hoped and wished they would, and you honestly couldn’t imagine asking for anything more perfect. Well, that is, up until one particular night at the hotel where you were staying at.

You and Taemin had decided to eat dinner there that night instead of going somewhere else within the city, being a little worn out from all the sightseeing and activities and not wanting to make another long trip back and forth, so you headed to the hotel’s dining room.

Partly, though, you also suspected that Taemin didn’t want to spend anymore time out in the city because he was a little incensed about all the stares you were getting. Wherever you went that day, there were at least one or two men looking your way, perhaps a little more closely than they should’ve been. It hadn’t been an unusual thing to get stares since you arrived in Shanghai—you were a foreigner in a new land—but today, it was more intense.

Taemin had enough sense not to blame it on you or what you were wearing, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t still going to be angry with the men who were looking at you. He’d held your hand a little tighter, pulled you around the waist more closely, leaned in more than necessary to hear your words whenever you spoke to him. He wanted people to know you were taken—though it was already obvious and didn’t seem to deter the glances either way.

You’d tried to laugh the lingering looks off, but Taemin didn’t find it as nearly as amusing as you did. Still, you continue to hope that you can steer his mind away from this subject once you get to the dining room and start on your meal.

“Everything is so fancy here,” you say after you’ve taken your seats at a table. “I’m glad we chose this hotel. You don’t get to see this kind of luxury everyday.’

“I’m glad, too.” Taemin scans his eyes across the room, taking in its elegance and beauty in a way that he hadn’t got to do when you’d first arrived in the city. Already, he feels a little more calm after getting away from the prying gazes of so many people out on the streets.

However, something out of the ordinary soon catches his attention. “Isn’t that…?” Taemin pauses and cocks an eyebrow when he sees a familiar face across the room—one he’d rather not recognize. Your ex-boyfriend.

“Who?” you ask, but your question is immediately answered when you also see the man standing across the other side of the room. “Jesus, is that Joseph?”

“He works as a waiter here? Of all hotels in the world?” Taemin says, instantly looking a bit disgruntled. If he’d somehow known that, he honestly never would’ve booked this place, but it’s far too late to do anything about that. Maybe that’s an extreme way to try to avoid your spouse’s ex, but Taemin didn’t want to have anything to do with the man and wasn’t interested in starting now.

You and Taemin were friends long before you began a relationship and got married, and this particular ex was one Taemin was never quite fond of. Back when you and Joseph were still together, he always liked to make a show of having you on his arm and engaging in PDA at every possible opportunity. You, thinking it was a funny and cute way of showing affection, didn’t have much to say about it at first, but it annoyed Taemin to no end. 

It seemed to Taemin that Joseph did everything he could to show you off as a trophy. Not because he genuinely felt anything for you, but because he simply liked being able to say you were his. He even liked the attention and envy that came from other women who’d wished they were his instead, even if it ended up with you being embroiled in drama.

Maybe that was just Taemin being petty back when he didn’t even realize he loved you, but he still swears there were a hundred other reasons besides those to dislike the man. Besides, he felt more justified in his theory when, after breaking up with Joseph, you told Taemin you felt your relationship was just too surface-level, no matter how hard you tried to get closer to him.

“It really is a small world,” you say, though Taemin sees more irony than humor in it. 

As if the luck couldn’t get any better, Joseph ends up being the waiter assigned to your table for the night. Taemin has to suppress the urge to roll his eyes at Joseph’s recognition of you two, complete with the overdone gasping and the shocked eyes about to pop out of his head. If there’s one thing he’ll do, he’ll put on a show.

“Wow, Y/N! It’s been a long time, I would’ve never thought I’d see you here of all places! Funny how fate works, huh?” Joseph reaches out to shake your hand, and Taemin’s eyes squint at the sight of his hand in yours.

“Aha, yeah, it’s really ironic, isn’t it?” Your smile is kind enough, but you still feel a bit awkward about the whole situation.

Joseph turns his attention to Taemin, who is sitting with a half-smile, half-grimace on his face. “Congratulations on your marriage, by the way! I’m really glad Y/N found someone who’ll take care of her.”

“Uh, thank you.” It wouldn’t have been you anyway, Taemin thinks to himself, and smirks a little.

“How ironic that her future husband was her best friend all along...you know, I still remember when you used to wear that bowl cut.” Joseph laughs good-naturedly, probably thinking he’s just making a light joke, but Taemin isn’t quite so entertained by it.

“Ah, yes! Remember when you couldn’t grow a beard?” Both men laugh, though Joseph’s chuckle is a little bit more strained at that unwelcome memory. You laugh too, but only to try to keep the mood light and avoid making the situation even weirder than it already is.

“Um well, I’m gonna see what’s available if you guys aren’t done reminiscing on old times just yet...” you say, hastily flipping through the menu for something that looks good. Joseph takes your drink orders and goes off to prepare them, leaving the two of you to silently breathe a sigh of relief at his departure.

Taemin peeks at you from over the top of his menu, shaking his head slightly. He glances to the side as he does so, as if he expects the other man to still be watching your table. “This is going to be a long night.”

“It’ll only be that way if you already believe it is,” you counter. “Everything is fine. Just enjoy the meal, and we’ll be back up to the room soon enough.”

Unfortunately, you don’t yet have the ability to predict the future, so the night ends up being more uncomfortable than you anticipated it would. You maintain a polite manner with Joseph whenever he comes over to serve you two, but he does little things that seem to edge the line of “platonic,” like touching your hand or your shoulder a little too frequently. 

Taemin bites his tongue only because he doesn’t want to start an argument with the man and make you upset on your honeymoon, but he’s also irritated with seeing him touching you almost like you’d never broken up. Like he did when he used to parade you around as if you were a state fair prize.

As always, Joseph is there when Taemin has paid the bill and you’re both ready to leave, and Taemin grits his teeth when he gives you a parting hug as you stand up from the table. In Taemin’s perspective, his eyes linger too long on your form in your evening gown, and his hands take too long to separate from where they’re holding your arms. “Don’t hesitate to reach out if you ever feel like catching up, okay?”

You nod, feeling a little embarrassed because you know Taemin is fuming beside you, but you don’t want to be rude and cause a scene. “I’ll keep it in mind.”

Joseph turns to Taemin and shakes his hand. “Nice to see you after so long, buddy. Take good care of her; you’ve gotten really lucky.”

Taemin squeezes his palm a little harder than what’s socially appropriate. If the other man notices this, he doesn’t acknowledge it. Taemin’s smile is fake and obviously doesn’t reach his eyes, but he forces one anyway.

You and Taemin leave the dining area arm-in-arm, though you feel he’s a little stiff beside you. You aren’t even sure what to say, still reeling from the situation yourself, though you do know you feel both guilty and irritated. “Look...I know that didn’t go very well. But please try to relax, Taemin. Honeymoons aren’t for being angry with each other.”

“You’re right. They aren’t. And yet...” Taemin’s tone is dry. “How can he be so bold? Hugging a married woman like that. He’s always been unbearable.”

“He was just...happy to see us! I don’t think he meant it as something deeper than that.”

“He was happy to see you,” Taemin argues. “He just wanted to get on my nerves. Do you really think it was normal for him to be touching you all night like that?”

You shake your head and sigh. “No, but what could I do? Throw a fit in the dining room and get kicked out? See, this is why I said you need to relax. Everything doesn’t need some overblown response.”

Taemin doesn’t heed your words, though; the ball is rolling now and you know it probably won’t stop. “Would you feel happy if it were the other way around?” he continues as you get on the elevator to go back to your floor. “I’m the one who’s married to you, yet I’m feeling like some kind of third wheel to all these men.”

“Okay, I get it. I wouldn’t be happy either, but none of this was my intention, Taemin.”

“I never said it was,” he sighs, and you get the sense that he’s frustrated you aren’t quite getting what he’s trying to convey. He doesn’t volunteer any more words after this, and you aren’t in the mood to try to pry further.

You’re both quiet for the rest of the ride up to your floor, with you having no clue what to say to rectify the mess and Taemin being too busy trying to sort out his own emotions.

When you get to the room, you decide to head for the shower alone—a contrast to the other times when you could barely peel Taemin off you this past week—and get ready for bed. You didn’t expect to be dealing with conflict during your honeymoon, but you guess it’s a first introduction to what married life will be like. You toss your shoes somewhere off to the side, sighing to yourself.

“Wait,” Taemin says as he sees you making a beeline for the bathroom. You glance back to him, though you keep half your body turned the other way, thinking he will try to continue arguing his point about why he’s upset. “I want to show you something.”

You hesitate for a moment, wondering what he could possibly be talking about. “Show me what?

Taemin steps closer, diminishing the space between you, and despite yourself, you're curious to see what he’s up to. You soon find out just what his plans are when he kisses you. You hesitate for a moment when you feel his lips on yours, but you eventually respond to the gesture.

Taemin’s hand goes to one strap of your dress and tugs it so it falls down your shoulder. You part from him for a moment to glance at the fallen strap. “Now you want to do this? After getting all worked up earlier?” you ask, raising your eyebrows at his action.

“I can get angry about it if I want; you’re my wife,” Taemin retorts, tugging you even closer to him by the fallen strap of your dress. You’d almost laugh at his statement in any other situation; you’re a little reminded of his normal childish antics he likes to indulge in, but he looks perfectly serious here.

“And you think I don’t know that?” you reply, looking at him with eyes that are both searching for some kind of resolution and burning with irritation.

“Of course you know it. You’ve known it everyday since I slipped the ring on your finger, since we began our honeymoon, and you’ll continue to know it for as long as we both live.” Taemin speaks in a voice that isn’t quite demanding but still firm enough to make his point crystal clear; like he’s trying to make you understand while still handling you with kindness. “You’re everything to me, and I want to be sure you understand that I love you more than any other man could.”

Though you wish you had some clever response, you don’t quite know how to reply to that, because it’s true. He’s yet to fail in reminding you of all those things, but you also know he feels like he must prove himself right now. So you simply nod and bring your hand to his neck so you can kiss him again, feeling his soft lips under yours.

As the kiss deepens, you use your free hand to slip the other strap off so you can begin sliding your dress off, but Taemin parts from you and stops your movements instead.

“Get on the bed,” he says, “on all fours.”

You do so, wondering what move Taemin will make next. He pushes your dress up a bit so he can pull your underwear off, dragging the fabric off your body slowly. You don’t know where he throws your underwear to, but he climbs up on the bed behind you after he does.

You wait in anticipation to see what he’ll do, feeling his hands ghost over your hips and ass; then there’s the drag of your dress up over your hips and to your lower back, baring you to him.

“This is all mine,” he says quietly, and you feel his breaths on your skin. You tremble at being able to sense his presence behind you but being unsure where exactly he is, and then you gasp at feeling his tongue pushing at your entrance. Taemin holds you still against his probing tongue as you moan and whimper softly, trying to keep your voice to yourself for a reason you’re not entirely sure of. Maybe because you’re still a tiny bit upset and don’t yet want him to know how good he’s making you feel.

Taemin sets out to change that easily, though. He lets go of one of your hips to add his fingers in, sliding them against your soft inner flesh and feeling you get wetter from the action. His tongue slides further down to your clit and caresses the little nub, circling it and curling around it delicately. It makes the back of your neck warm, along with the rest of your body; the heat spreads through you as if you’re catching fire internally. You dig your knees more firmly into the mattress and grip the sheets tightly, trying to keep yourself steady as Taemin works on you.

You eventually have to lower yourself to the bed a little more so you can keep yourself stable. Taemin takes advantage of the slight change in position to push his fingers into you at a different angle, drawing more weakened sounds from you.

You’re disappointed when he pulls his mouth away, though he only does it to speak. “You taste so good and look so pretty like this…all spread open for me.” When returns to eating you out, he does it with greater determination this time, succeeding in pushing you headfirst into your first orgasm of the night.

“Oh God, Taemin…” you gasp as your climax floods through you, overtaking you like an ocean wave or a strong gust of wind. He doesn’t stop there and keeps pushing you up that peak of pleasure until you’re stumbling straight into another orgasm, his fingers manipulating your body and his mouth refusing to let go.

You finally sink to the mattress when he lets you go and gives you a reprieve. And even in your muddled state, you notice how he slips his hand under your stomach, helping you lower yourself to the bed, his palm warm and firm against you.

Taemin strips your dress the rest of the way off as you shake from the aftershocks of your orgasms, and he lifts your hips up some so he can do so, as you’re a bit too boneless to cooperate at the moment. He removes his suit jacket after that and unbuttons his shirt, and that is when you finally get enough strength back to turn over and watch from him your spot on the bed.

“Look at you,” you murmur, “Do you really think I’d ever look for anyone but you?”

Taemin smirks, slipping his shirt to the floor. He unbuttons his slacks, but he doesn’t take them off just yet; instead he pulls your ankles to bring you to the edge of the bed, making you yelp in the process.

“Hmm. Doesn’t it feel good to be recognized by someone who loves you?” he responds, grasping your arms and raising you forward so he can scoop you up. You secure your legs around his waist so you can hold on, and he doesn’t seem to mind that you’re getting his pants wet by doing so. You think he might take you against the wall, but he carries you over to a chair and table within the suite’s sitting room, located beside one of the large windows. He sets you down on the table, though you’re a bit reluctant to separate from him at first.

“Recognized…” you repeat, and then realize his words might’ve had a double meaning. You watch with questioning eyes as he pulls one of the curtains back, revealing the city’s nightscape to you. “Have you lost it?” Your suite is high up enough that no one from the ground level or the buildings below will easily be able to see you, but you still feel a thrill of fear and excitement rush up your spine.

Taemin turns back to you, and his smile is mischievous. “Not at all,” he says, and pushes both his pants and underwear off without a second thought. “If you don’t want to, we can easily put the curtain back in place.” He moves as if he’s going to do just that, but you reach out to stop him.

“Uh, wait, you don’t have to…”

Taemin comes back over to you and holds your face in his hands, and his wedding ring is slightly cool against your cheek. He whispers, “How does it feel to know we’re exposed like this? No one can see us, but we can see everything below...we belong only to each other.” His member pushes against your thigh, smearing precum against your skin. He’s hot and hard against you, his cock poking ever closer against your inner thigh and teasing your lower lips but not entering yet.

“It’s…” You glance at the faint reflection of your figures in the window as he hovers over you, situating his arms so they’re braced on either side of your body. You swallow harshly, trying to find the words to describe it. “It’s...weirdly erotic.”

Taemin takes your chin between his fingertips, guiding you to look at him. “So you like being watched? Did it excite you to have so many people looking at you today? Your ex?” Taemin’s tip pushes more firmly at your entrance and slips in, making you gasp and grip the edge of the table.

You shake your head as sweat beads up on your skin. “I only want you, Taemin.” You lean back on the table to look up at him with your most sincere eyes. He groans at the sight of you looking so pliant and submissive for him.

Taemin grips your hips as he pushes the rest of the way in, and he’s gentler than you’d expect given his earlier anger. Still, his thrusts are slow but deep as he pulls your hips into his, and you tremble and sigh as he glides against your walls so smoothly. It’s like he’s marking himself inside you so you’ll never be able to get rid of him.

Your eyes drift over to the window again, eyeing the many smaller buildings beneath you and observing the shadow-like reflections of your bodies merging together. Maybe he was right, to some degree. You do like the feeling of being seen-but-not-seen like this, completely wrapped up in each other even though your activities aren’t totally private.

Taemin slides his tongue into your mouth and spreads your legs wider as if he can burrow himself within the tight grip of your body forever. You’re willing to find out if he can. Your desire is spurred on by the idea of your husband filling every space inside you and causing you both to blend into one whole being.

His hands touch you all over, flitting across your skin like butterflies. His eyes, though, settle squarely on your face, holding your gaze inside his own. Although you’ve seen his sharp expressions when he performs on stage countless times, now his stare is characterized by a certain tenderness and a soft gleam, which threatens to bleed over into you and color you with its pure affection. 

Seeing this look, you fully understand that there’s no hiding how much he loves you, no matter how mad or jealous he gets...which you already know well, but it’s always nice to have the confirmation.

Taemin comes before you do this time, filling your womb with the warmth of his release, and as lascivious as it is, it also makes you feel strangely comforted. You know he belongs to you, and you him. He gives you a tender kiss as if in apology—for coming first or for being mad, you aren’t sure—and his hand drops between your bodies to rub against your clit. Soon, you are coming too, wetting his softening length and moaning at how your body sucks him and his cum in deeper.

You are amused by his sudden change in mood after he’s satisfied and the agitation has completely left his body. He’s suddenly shy about having the curtain open and pulls it back hastily, reaching his hand backwards clumsily because he doesn’t want to pull out of you just yet. 

“Was that spur of the moment?” You giggle, looking at his pinkened face. You hold his cheeks like he did to you earlier, feeling the round lines of them shift in your palms as he grins.

“I’m sorry for acting like that earlier.” Taemin shifts his face in your hands so he can kiss your thumb.

“Oh, really?” You give him a skeptical look, but he chuckles and shakes his head.

“I’m serious.” He pauses and then says, “I love you so much. I don’t like it when we get upset with each other…the only thing I want to argue about is what color we’ll paint our future nursery, or what baby names we like best. We shouldn’t argue over things that don’t matter in the end.”

“Ah, you’re so sentimental.” But you only say this to take the edge off, not wanting to shed tears right now. Still, you wrap your legs tighter around him, overwhelmed by his declaration and feeling like your heart could burst from the excitement and love you feel at the idea of doing those things with him. “Tae...if only you knew how lucky I feel.”

Taemin grabs you by the backs of your thighs and picks you up again, and you know you’re probably making a mess of the floor with his cum dripping out of you, but you can’t be bothered with it now. His smile is nearly blinding. “Hmm, well, let’s go to the shower and you can start from the beginning…”

[ariel-seagull-wings]

@princesssarisa

I understand when people say that the original edition of the Grimm's Snow White, with the three murder attempts against Snow White by ribbons/laces/corset, hair comb and apple and the Queen's death by hot iron shoes it's hard to adapt to film, because most audiences expect film to have a "realistic" pacing and character development (when it comes to the three murder attempts) and, with exception of the 1971 German TV Movie version, most people consider the hot iron shoes death to be too violent to be filmed.

But maybe there is an other media where those elements of the original edition could work: opera. A theater media that can be from one to four (sometimes five) acts long, so it can keep the original elements, as well as expanding in some aspects, without it being called "filler" and where the more violent and shocking elements can be kept for a good drama.

I can imagine Snow White's mother singing a sweet lullaby inspired aria while she embroils while looking at the snow in her ebony window, her husband the King singing a devastating sad aria when he sees her dying at childbirth, the Evil Queen singing a duet with the magic mirror that starts fun, but becomes more dark when she hears the answer that Snow White is more beautifull than her.

The Huntsman sings a solo aria debating his dilema of killing the Princess or not, and then he has a duet with Snow White where she begs for her life and he lets her go. Snow White sings a desperate solo about the fear that the woods inspire her, then later has a merry number where she tells of her solace and joy to find the dwarfs house/cottage.

Time passes, and the disguised Evil Queen makes her three murder attempts against Snow White, and those are tense music numbers, where the Queen sings to lure Snow White to accept her gifts, while Snow White says she is at the time afrayed and fascinated by the things the Queen brings.

When she finally sucumbs to the poisoned apple, the dwarfs get to sing along mourning song alongside her coffin, until the Prince arrives, asks then to move the coffin, and Snow White spits the apple piece out, ressurecting.

And at the end, when the Queen wears the hot iron shoes, she sings a bombastic, angry area as her last words.

And it could have the element of russian variant (Tale of the Dead Princess and the Seven Knights) of the Prince already starting the story engaged to marry Snow White, and going to search for her when she goes missing.

[traeumenvonbuechern]

June Wrap-Up

1. Can't Take That Away (Steven Salvatore)

Carey Parker dreams of being a diva, and bringing the house down with song. But despite their talent, emotional scars from an incident with a homophobic classmate and their grandmother's spiraling dementia make it harder and harder for Carey to find their voice. Then Carey meets Cris, a singer/guitarist who makes Carey feel seen for the first time in their life. With the rush of a promising new romantic relationship, Carey finds the confidence to audition for the role of Elphaba, the Wicked Witch of the West, in the school musical, setting off a chain reaction of prejudice by Carey's tormentor and others in the school. It's up to Carey, Cris, and their friends to defend their rights--and they refuse to be silenced.

2. Sanditon (Jane Austen)

Written in the last months of Austen's life, Sanditon features a glorious cast of hypochondriacs and speculators in a newly established seaside resort, and shows the author contemplating a changing society with scepticism and amusement. It tells the story of Charlotte Heywood, who is transported by a chance accident from her rural hometown to Sanditon, where she is exposed to the intrigues and dalliances of a small town determined to reinvent itself - and encounters the intriguingly handsome Sidney Parker.

3. The Witch King (H.E. Edgmon)

Wyatt would give anything to forget where he came from—but a kingdom demands its king. In Asalin, fae rule and witches like Wyatt Croft…don’t. Wyatt’s betrothal to his best friend, fae prince Emyr North, was supposed to change that. But when Wyatt lost control of his magic one devastating night, he fled to the human world. Now a coldly distant Emyr has hunted him down. Despite transgender Wyatt’s newfound identity and troubling past, Emyr has no intention of dissolving their engagement. In fact, he claims they must marry now or risk losing the throne. Jaded, Wyatt strikes a deal with the enemy, hoping to escape Asalin forever. But as he gets to know Emyr, Wyatt realizes the boy he once loved may still exist. And as the witches face worsening conditions, he must decide once and for all what’s more important—his people or his freedom.

4. One Last Stop (Casey McQuiston)

For cynical twenty-three-year-old August, moving to New York City is supposed to prove her right: that things like magic and cinematic love stories don’t exist, and the only smart way to go through life is alone. She can’t imagine how waiting tables at a 24-hour pancake diner and moving in with too many weird roommates could possibly change that. And there’s certainly no chance of her subway commute being anything more than a daily trudge through boredom and electrical failures. But then, there’s this gorgeous girl on the train. Jane. Dazzling, charming, mysterious, impossible Jane. Jane with her rough edges and swoopy hair and soft smile, showing up in a leather jacket to save August’s day when she needed it most. August’s subway crush becomes the best part of her day, but pretty soon, she discovers there’s one big problem: Jane doesn’t just look like an old school punk rocker. She’s literally displaced in time from the 1970s, and August is going to have to use everything she tried to leave in her own past to help her. Maybe it’s time to start believing in some things, after all.

5. Between Perfect and Real (Ray Stoeve)

Dean Foster knows he’s a trans guy. He’s watched enough YouTube videos and done enough questioning to be sure. But everyone at his high school thinks he’s a lesbian—including his girlfriend Zoe, and his theater director, who just cast him as a “nontraditional” Romeo. He wonders if maybe it would be easier to wait until college to come out. But as he plays Romeo every day in rehearsals, Dean realizes he wants everyone to see him as he really is now––not just on the stage, but everywhere in his life. Dean knows what he needs to do. Can playing a role help Dean be his true self?

6. The Cruel Prince (Holly Black)

Jude was seven when her parents were murdered and she and her two sisters were stolen away to live in the treacherous High Court of Faerie. Ten years later, Jude wants nothing more than to belong there, despite her mortality. But many of the fey despise humans. Especially Prince Cardan, the youngest and wickedest son of the High King. To win a place at the Court, she must defy him–and face the consequences. As Jude becomes more deeply embroiled in palace intrigues and deceptions, she discovers her own capacity for trickery and bloodshed. But as betrayal threatens to drown the Courts of Faerie in violence, Jude will need to risk her life in a dangerous alliance to save her sisters, and Faerie itself.

7. Boy Queen (George Lester)

Robin Cooper’s life is falling apart. While his friends prepare to head off to university, Robin is looking at a pile of rejection letters from drama schools up and down the country, and facing a future without the people he loves the most. Everything seems like it’s ending, and Robin is scrabbling to find his feet. Unsure about what to do next and whether he has the talent to follow his dreams, he and his best friends go and drown their sorrows at a local drag show, where Robin realises there might be a different, more sequinned path for him . . . With a mother who won't stop talking, a boyfriend who won't acknowledge him and a best friend who is dying to cover him in glitter make up, there's only one thing for Robin to do: bring it to the runway.

8. Felix Ever After (Kacen Callender)

Felix Love has never been in love—and, yes, he’s painfully aware of the irony. He desperately wants to know what it’s like and why it seems so easy for everyone but him to find someone. What’s worse is that, even though he is proud of his identity, Felix also secretly fears that he’s one marginalization too many—Black, queer, and transgender—to ever get his own happily-ever-after. When an anonymous student begins sending him transphobic messages—after publicly posting Felix’s deadname alongside images of him before he transitioned—Felix comes up with a plan for revenge. What he didn’t count on: his catfish scenario landing him in a quasi–love triangle.... But as he navigates his complicated feelings, Felix begins a journey of questioning and self-discovery that helps redefine his most important relationship: how he feels about himself.

9. Wuthering Heights (Emily Brontë)

Lockwood, the new tenant of Thrushcross Grange on the bleak Yorkshire moors, is forced to seek shelter one night at Wuthering Heights, the home of his landlord. There he discovers the history of the tempestuous events that took place years before: of the intense passion between the foundling Heathcliff and Catherine Earnshaw, and her betrayal of him. As Heathcliff's bitterness and vengeance is visited upon the next generation, their innocent heirs must struggle to escape the legacy of the past.

10. Ace of Spades (Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé)

Welcome to Niveus Private Academy, where money paves the hallways, and the students are never less than perfect. Until now. Because anonymous texter, Aces, is bringing two students' dark secrets to light. Talented musician Devon buries himself in rehearsals, but he can't escape the spotlight when his private photos go public. Head girl Chiamaka isn't afraid to get what she wants, but soon everyone will know the price she has paid for power. Someone is out to get them both. Someone who holds all the aces. And they're planning much more than a high-school game...

11. The Queer Principles of Kit Webb (Cat Sebastian)

Kit Webb has left his stand-and-deliver days behind him. But dreary days at his coffee shop have begun to make him pine for the heady rush of thievery. When a handsome yet arrogant aristocrat storms into his shop, Kit quickly realizes he may be unable to deny whatever this highborn man desires. In order to save himself and a beloved friend, Percy, Lord Holland must go against every gentlemanly behavior he holds dear to gain what he needs most: a book that once belonged to his mother, a book his father never lets out of his sight and could be Percy’s savior. More comfortable in silk-filled ballrooms than coffee shops frequented by criminals, his attempts to hire the roughly hewn highwayman, formerly known as Gladhand Jack, proves equal parts frustrating and electrifying. Kit refuses to participate in the robbery but agrees to teach Percy how to do the deed. Percy knows he has little choice but to submit and as the lessons in thievery begin, he discovers thievery isn’t the only crime he’s desperate to commit with Kit. But when their careful plan goes dangerously wrong and shocking revelations threaten to tear them apart, can these stolen hearts withstand the impediments in their path?

12. Weekend Girl (Alex Powell)

Ashley Kingston is a genderfluid university student with a major crush on attractive and charming Nolan. He seems just too perfect to be true. What happens when Ash meets Nolan while dressed as both a man, and a woman? And even more confusing, what happens when Nolan seems enamoured of both versions of Ash? A twisty-turny romance filled with fun and shenanigans.

[shararsblog]

BENGALURU - INDIA'S CRIME CAPITAL.

(28/07/2021)

Greetings for the day. Here I am beginning with my first blog or post whatever you can say. To begin with let's straight away come to the point. Many blogs have been written till date, with each blogger expressing his heart and mind on various issues. So I am too putting my heart and soul into a subject, which is present throughout the world, and each country has its own law policy when it comes to dealing with i.e. crime.

Here are my experiences of living in a city based in Karnataka in India for four months. Bangalore or Bengaluru as you can call it, is considered as the IT hub of India, a city from where United States of America sources the highest number of software professionals for working in projects in its own backyard. But apart from being the Information technology hub of India, Bengaluru is also the hub for highest number of crimes, along with New Delhi.

Though I have stayed in Pune too a city in neighbouring Maharashtra state another IT hub, and visited Mumbai which is close by, but never ever had this fear psychosis of happening to see gang wars, because the law and order machinery in Pune, Pimpri - Chinchwad and Mumbai was by far very much in control by police authorities there. So why Bengaluru has become lawless? during my four months of stay there, every morning I happen to open the newspapers and the Bengaluru section showed up at least one or two murders, the result being gang wars. The killers regular criminals and their victims also history sheeter's. These gangsters or rowdies carried on with their killings on the streets of Bengaluru with so much audacity, that they never possessed any fear of law. The recent killing of Joseph Babli who himself a rowdy inside a bank in Koramangala, highlights the brazenness of killers, that Joseph was chased inside the bank, and hacked to death in broad daylight in front of scores of customers and bank employees, goes on to show complete failure of law and order machinery in Bengaluru.

Not just this, another murder of a former corporator Rekha Kadiresh that too in broad daylight in cotton pet area of Bengaluru, was an added feather in hat for an inefficient Bengaluru police. Slaying rivals in daytime in full public view, indulging in rowdism, road rage, harrasing innocent people, chain snatching gangs over bikes on prowl in every area, So where is the Bengaluru police in picture, that is the question?

And why rowdies in Bengaluru have no fear of police?

Bengaluru police and Karnataka politicians are to be blamed for this. The answer here lies in police - criminal - politician nexus. Also you may be surprised to know that Karnataka state ranks top in corruption index in whole of India. Power hungry politicians, greed for money and coupled with it the biggest major factor which has led to rise in goondaism is land deals. Bengaluru city is considered as one of hot cakes for real estate market, land grabbing is rampant and where higher acre's of land is involved for deals corrupt politicians, mafias and police are hand in glove.

Though land is very less available in Bengaluru urban areas and even if available, the prices are skyrocket and rowdies ultimately with blessings of politicians get involved. This rowdies - karnataka politicians nexus have blossomed to such an extent, that middle class families, who despite can afford to own plots at higher prices never dare to get involved. The problem begins from the bottom of organizational hierarchy in police department. The rot is so deeper that for example, say five out of every ten constabulary rank officials within Bengaluru police force, are hand in glove with the rowdies, this relates to daily hafta collection or in simple language extort money through these rowdies from hawkers, bar restaurant owners, share in commission arising out of disputed land deals and many illegal activities done by these rowdies. The buck does not stop here, the Bengaluru traffic police have a set target of collection fixed by every DCPs in their respective zones, so regular office goers either in two wheelers, four wheelers, rickshaws, commercial vehicles face the brunt of hafta collection. What an irony! Never ever in the history of Policing across the world, has there been so much rampant corruption, as has been the case with Bangalore police.

Kamal Pant Bengaluru police chief : completely clueless.

But then whose responsibility is it to discipline the Police?

Karnataka is a state, which has seen two parties struggle for power, back in 2018 Congress - JDS (Janata Dal secular) combine wrestled power from BJP (Bharatiya Janata party) headed by BS Yeddyurappa. Kumaraswamy son of former prime minister Deve Gowda became the chief minister, the BJP despite being the single largest party could not garner the numbers required to form the government. But two years later the tide turned completely in BJP's favour, the biggest drama unfolded in Karnataka, with accusations of horse trading leveled by Congress - JDS combine against BJP. The Kumaraswamy govt was reduced to a minority, and it failed to retain power. The BS Yeddyurappa led BJP stormed to power in Karnataka. Power tussles are nothing new in Indian politics, but the sad part is the lust for power has taken a huge toll on law and order machinery in Bengaluru. The Karnataka politicians already neck deep in corruption, have left the city to rot at the mercy of rowdies. Another major factor for rise in hooliganism is the patronage provided by political parties to rowdies, take any party be it the Congress, the BJP or JDS have rowdies seated at their party offices, the favour these goons do for these political class may vary, it may be anything even getting a cup of tea for the party youth leaders or district incharge, distribution of pamplets during elections many other things and obviously the favour is returned, with blessings of these political parties rowdies have a say, in every tender issued by the Karnataka government, almost 99% of contracts sourced out by the local corporation body of Bengaluru i.e. the Bruhat Bengaluru Mahanagara Palike has been handed over to rowdies, whether related to garbage collection, disposal, road repair contracts etc. When elections are round the corner, the hooliganism is at its peak, these very leaders are accompanied by these rowdies, threatening people who raise their voices, gangwars involving rowdies from rival political parties, if an in-depth analysis is done of the extent of criminals invasion into political parties, shocking as it may sound close to 80% of these so called party workers are rowdy elements. As it is said, the strong basis for students to pass with good marks in school and later to excel in life and become ideal citizens of the country, the onus lies on the principal and teachers and the education imparted in schools getting students to value good culture, respect for one another, and focus on studies. If one or two students fail in all these aspects, the blame can be put on students themselves, but just imagine if the whole class fails, then obviously the principal, the teachers are responsible. So the same applies to the police force of a state as well, the police department is a big school in itself, and the chief minister of the state is the principal and teachers his respective cabinet colleagues, so they are the torch bearers for these law enforcement agencies, and giving them guidance drafting policies is the sole responsibility of chief minister his cabinet colleagues. But here the entire Bengaluru police machinery has failed miserably and politicians governing the state are solely responsible.

BJP has been at the helm of Karnataka for almost two years now, even in these two years chief minister BS Yeddyurappa and his home minister colleague Basavraj Bommai miserably failed to bring crime rate down in Bengaluru. What can you expect from a police force, when the chief minister himself is embroiled in an illegal land deal. The bench of Karnataka high court led by justice Ravi malimath and Micheal Cunha even refused to give him any relief on the matter. Also infighting within the state BJP, and some leaders unhappy with Yeddyurappa's style of functioning has led to the CM busy trying to save his own govt, fighting his detractors, leave development of state at God's mercy and Bengaluru of course at rowdies mercy. And finally infighting within the BJP took its toll, Mr. BS Yeddyurappa resigned from the CMs post. And as usual came the drama with his resignation, an emotional Yeddyurappa in tears thanking Prime minister Modi, Amit Shah and JP Nadda for giving him an opportunity to serve the people of the state. Mr. Yeddyurappa we can understand your emotions but you should have stopped at that, your immature and misleading comment that, "Bengaluru is turning into a world class city" is the biggest Joke of the millennium. The reality is you and your predecessor Mr. Kumaraswamy have turned Bengaluru into a world class gangsters city.

Former Karnataka chief minister BS Yeddyurappa : equally responsible for lawless Bengaluru.

Corruption in police department is not something new and is prevalent across India. Also let me make it clear, not all cops are corrupt, there are a few who put their heart out and perform their duties. Even in Bengaluru police department there are officers at constabulary rank, inspectors, senior inspectors, who have excellent track record in curbing crime and have acted tough against rowdies but there are also a few with questionable track record and it is this few dark sheep within the police that has led to rowdies wrecking havoc in the city. Also this time things really aren't good in Bengaluru at all. Though police chief Pant on his behalf is doing everything thing to bring crime rate down, Bengaluru CCB has siezed a large cache of drugs, several drug peddlers have been nabbed, several rowdies homes have been raided a large cache of weopans recovered, but still the rowdies menace has been increasing in Bengaluru rapidly.

Mr Kamal Pant now you also need to bring the hammer down harder on some of your own men, women within the force, who have links with these rowdies. Cleaning must also be done at home. There was a time when Mumbai city in Maharashtra state, also known as the financial capital of India was under the grip of the underworld gangs in 90s, things had totally spiralled out of control due to gangwars, prominent builders, film personalities, small time business men became victims for refusal to pay extortion and some for links with rival gangs.

It took the combined effort of the Mumbai police who formed hit squads later on called as encounter specialists to eliminate the gangsters. And the credit for completely wiping out the underworld from Mumbai, goes to then Mumbai police commissioner Mr. MN Singh. Bengaluru is facing the same problem today, that Mumbai faced in 90s. And Bengaluru police commissioner Kamal Pant will have to take a leaf from what MN Singh did in Mumbai.

Also political interference in police working has been the biggest problem in India. That police work under political pressure is not a hidden secret. And this has been one of the reasons for rowdy explosion in Bengaluru. Rowdies enjoy political patronage, from all three the Congress, JDS and BJP. In Mumbai the police turned a deaf year to political influence, and took on underworld in a spirited way under guidance of MN Singh. Certainly Bengaluru police go weak in their knees when it comes to politicians, and none but Mr Kamal Pant will have to put his foot down on such interferences, when it comes to dealing with rowdies, even if it means confrontation with a ruling party and also take action against political leaders who are linked to these rowdies. Kamal Pant and Bengaluru police have a long long way to go if they want to rid Bengaluru from gangsters. And I have no doubt at all that things have come to a level where Bengaluru cops have to form a separate hit squad to eliminate the rowdies like Mumbai police did.

Also Bengaluru being an IT hub and one of the cities with higher number of foreign tourists visiting for trips as well as official company work, such lawlessness does not augur well for the city, the image of Bengaluru has already taken a severe beating at international level and it will have severe consequences. Foreign direct investment will be hit, if things don't improve, that day won't be far when other countries start issuing advisory or warning to its citizens to deter from visiting Bengaluru, as it has already happened in New Delhi's case, and if it happens in Bengaluru's case prime minister Narendra Modi's 'ache din' or 'good days' of his promise to citizens of India will be dented beyond repair.

[amoei]

Penny Dreadful: City of Angels

Plot:

1938 Los Angeles is a time and place deeply infused with social and political tension. When a grisly murder shocks the city, Detective Tiago Vega and his partner Lewis Michener become embroiled in an epic story that reflects the rich history of Los Angeles: from the building of the city's first freeways and its deep traditions of Mexican-American folklore, to the dangerous espionage actions of the Third Reich and the rise of radio evangelism. Before long, Tiago and his family are grappling with powerful forces that threaten to tear them apart. -Showtime

*spoilers*

The Good

The acting is superb. There are so many different speeches and conversations that are held in the film. From so many different walks of life.

There is such a depth to all the characters that makes each one more of a vast ocean.

When we see Peter Krupp/Craft talk to his fellow Germans about how Hitler is not Germany. And that he doesn't want to leave his children a legacy of bloodshed that was left to him by the first World War and that is why he doesn't embrace Hitler.

Fast forward to episode 10 and we see how his family is attacked and his boys are now traumatized and he feels no choice to embrace Nazism as way to protect him and his family.

The Speeches made by Natalie Dormer? Amazing. I am not even Mexican and it made me want to stand in solidarity.

The plot is interesting and we see how otherwise good characters are forced to make horrible decisions. No one is good here. And I love how morality is Grey. And not black and white

The Bad

Critiques.

They gave up on the storyline of Raoul (oldest brother of the Vega family) after the 2nd episode. All the other characters...

Especially even given the the nazi hitman has a duality of his character. Being gay, trying to find others to find a society where he can be who he wants to be free to love who he loves. But is still also a huge fucking bigot and kills indiscriminately and has a hatred for Jewish people and all those not white. Is given a storyline. A depth to his character.

But after Raoul gets shot. And wakes up 2nd and 3rd episode?

Nothing. We just see him sit at home wide eyed and slow. I get on the account of being shot in the head messes up your motor skills etc. But also was very lucid at the beginning of episode 10.

So there was and is potential for him to grow and have a storyline.

The writers just gave up on developing him. And there is such promise there. And I know the actor has the range to deliver. I like him.

Supernatural elements?

Given the fact I watched the original Penny Dreadful 3 seasons and Eva Green is such a phenomenal actress. There was always a state of perpetual dread, the infamous London fog, and demonic or vampirism creatures always lurking every and anywhere. With demonic pensions sprinkled in and Satan.

There was a huge let down in the supernatural elements for this show.

And I blame the mis-characterization of the writers. A person who has watched Penny Dreadful and seen how abruptly it ended so to speak, would be excited to see Penny Dreadful: City of Angels, thinking at the very least it would be in the same supernatural universe. Because this is set right before the start of World War II.

Are going to be somewhat or very much disappointed with the lack of supernatural elements.

Outside of the scenes with Santa Muerte and the Beast (Natalie Dormer). The one or two scenes Maria Vega interacting with the demonic "child" of Elsa. There is essentially nothing supernatural about this film.

If you took out the supernatural elements of Santa Muerte and The Beast.

This show would still continue greatly as a historical fiction drama.

Again I blame the mis-characterization of the title. A better one would be From the Creators of Penny Dreadful comes: City of Angels.

No fan of the show would be leaving such critiques that they are leaving on IMBD.

But it still is the first season. So there may be more supernatural elements to come.

Other critiques I have seen are from Mexican people on the portrayal of Santa Muerte. And being that I am not Mexican.

It is not my place to comment or place any opinions about the portrayal of Mexican cultures and religions.

The ugly?

For those who have watched the original Penny Dreadful and are coming in to watch the City of Angels hoping for it to be the same in the amount of supernatural suspense?

Will be sorely disappointed.

Both these storylines are set at two very different times and two very different eras and countries.

This could be ugly for those who are not looking for "political TV show".

But given the fact it is set in America during the 1920s? It will be political.

Everything about America's history is political. You can't throw a rock without landing on slavery, Jim crow, no rights for women, or a person of color being hate crimed just for the color of their skin.

In terms of gore? There is a flash here and there but nothing to serious.

Like I said prior. Very little supernatural elements.

Conclusion

Penny Dreadful: City of Angels is promising. The drama, the depth of the characters, action etc. All of its there.

Except...

For the supernatural. That's literally it. Because the title is misleading fans of the show.

For newcomers? This show will be absolutely fantastic.

But..

because the showrunners or the writers of this show have gone with this title. They have a lot to make up for with the supernatural and the gore.

If or can that can be incorporated? I truly don't know.

But it is still the 1st season. And if they are able to amp up the supernatural elements and gore in this TV show then they have a real good moneymaker on their hands.

I for one, am very excited to see what they do next and the direction they are headed.

[juniper-tree]

So I’ve been binging a certain novelist who investigates a lot of highly topical ideas: the slippery path to fascism, human decency in the face of power. People who see interpersonal resources (power, friendship, social capital, “favors”) as finite and scarce will try to hoard them as best they can. These people can’t grasp that anyone sees the world from a different perspective than their zero-sum game and its rules. 

You are useful, or you are not. You are a friend and an ally as long as you provide what they need. If you are deemed a threat to the cache of resources, your rejection will be justified in any way possible. Or not—some don’t even bother with justification. They don’t need to lie to themselves anymore. You’re not there, anymore.

Though it shares some earmarks, this is different from narcissism, which is less strategic and more prone to whims. Narcissists think everything is about them, and abusers convince you their pain is your fault, and those two go hand in hand too often... but that’s a slightly different matter.

This was portrayed so harshly in the book I just finished that it honestly shocked me. A man and a woman began an affair for the usual reasons and some only a little less usual (power, “favors”). The man found himself fascinated by a crime in the woman’s past and her quest for revenge. She became embroiled in the man’s quite frankly evil schemes and her participation consumed her. He found the person who wronged her and allowed her to fulfill her need for revenge—or, perhaps, he forced her to fulfill it. Soon after, the woman died tragically, mid-book. And the man? Did not even think of her, for another 250 or so pages, except for what she might have left behind to implicate him. 

And I was stunned. I kept re-reading pages thinking, “Hang on, did I miss something? Some regret, however small? You really didn’t care at all?” This was a man of huge feelings and yearnings, for this woman and other things, and while thoroughly awful, still very human. Yet... it wasn’t an omission. It made sense. She was of no use to him any longer. She provided him no power or favors. Only liabilities. 

Perhaps this makes me sound naive and pollyannaish, and this is “just how the world works.” I don’t know. Trump thinks this way. He can’t conceive of ethical stances or moral disagreements because those concepts are foreign to him. In his view, people make statements or espouse beliefs in public because they want attention, they want to cause problems and drama, they want to align themselves with opposition and take sides. That’s why he would do it, why would anyone else behave differently? 

But bringing Trump into the picture is becoming Godwin-esque, these days. No rational, feeling human would act like him. It’s offensive to suggest it. Okay. There are plenty of ways this thinking creeps into regular people who try to gain a little power over others. 

Demanding loyalty and privacy for your own safety, while providing none for anyone you deem unworthy of such. Loyalty and privacy are finite, non-renewable, you’d better get your share. Saying someone must move beyond their own pain to give room to someone who hurt them. Pain is a pie and there are only so many slices. Valuing those who are confrontational and direct and honest, but only if they say the things you want to hear. Anything to the contrary is a targeted attack, it’s juvenile and petty, it’s a lie. 

Sure, in some ways these are everyday hypocrisies in which we all, unfortunately, engage. I know I do, despite insistent prodding from better angels. But when these behaviors are enforced and encoded en masse, when it becomes the currency in an economy of friendship, social capital, and power... it feels like fascism, the little “f” kind. 

I’m probably thinking too much, as usual. But in the previous book in this series, my favorite character gave a speech which, at the time I read it, I kind of took for the pretentious, untested words of a too-smart young woman in over her head. (She is my favorite character because I relate!)  Now, though, as the echo of her words ring through the rest of the text, and they find their meaning in action, I take them differently:

At this moment we are charged to love and hate on a mass scale... as individuals we are thus charged to the near-impossible task of enacting love that much more ruthlessly, with a self-sacrifice that would have been unknowable had History not summoned us. At this moment, our options become do everything or do nothing. 

[blog-sliverofjade]

7: Tête Dure Minous

Pairing: Remi Denier x OFC

Summary:  Lorel Maddox just wants to live as a human, run her bakery in peace, and forget. Unfortunately, the alpha of the local leopard pack has very different ideas.

Remi Denier doesn’t know what to make of the female Changeling who wants nothing to do with him or the RainFire pack. He does know that he has a driving need to protect her. Even if it’s from herself.

While they’re embroiled in a battle of wills, there’s a war brewing on the horizon. The outside threat could not only destroy everything they hold dear, but tear apart the fragile new bonds of the Trinity Accord, plunging the world into bloodshed to rival the Territorial Wars of centuries past.

Word count: 2018

Content warning: Racist cop

Hearth Fires Masterlist

Beta read by the wonderful pandabearer

         Lorel bared her teeth at him when a wave of power washed into the shop; it tasted wild, male, and lethal.  She tore her attention away from the cop in time to see Remi stalking through the open door. Her cat went from snarling and ready to pounce to wary watchfulness in the presence of a bigger predator.  She hated that some of her anxiety eased the moment she caught his scent, but at least her cat’s homicidal urges went from screaming to a dull roar.

         And damned if she wasn’t relieved to see Denier, like he was some sort of knight in shining armour.  Or, rather, a knight in jeans and a t-shirt. Said jeans hung low on his hips, emphasizing his narrow waist in contrast to the breadth of his chest.  The black t-shirt clung to the ridges and hollows of his densely muscled chest and wide shoulders.

         “Mr. Denier, she here one of your’n?”  Shank turned square to him and jerked his head in Lorelei’s direction.

         “All changelings in Swain County are mine.”

         She opened her mouth to protest the hard, possessive statement, but Remi cut her off with a look, the cat rising in his eyes.  Although they never changed colour, her own cat recognized his and urged her to back down. The animal usually urged the opposite; the sudden shift in temperament had her scrabbling to regain her equilibrium after she’d prepared to fight for control.

         Even though the sheriff was human, some latent instincts must have sensed something because he dropped his folded arms to hook his thumbs behind his belt.  Remi’s gaze didn’t stray from Shaw’s, but she had no doubt that he was keeping careful track of the cop’s hands in relation to his weapons.

         “Ya need to get your girl in line.  Had a call she was intimidatin’ folk.”  Shank levelled him with a hard look below thick, dark brows.

         The thought that either of them believed she was under his protection soothed something within that she hadn’t even known had been stretched taut.  The relief was like setting down a burden she’d been carrying for so long she only recognized the strain once it was gone. And that set her teeth on edge.

         “The CCTV footage doesn’t corroborate the allegation.”  There was a drawl to his voice, but it lacked the thickness of the bayou it’d had when they first met.

         “Yer a big guy, what a young girl’d find intimidatin’ you’d hardly sneeze at,” he shrugged.

         “Are charges being pressed?”  Remi merely tilted his head and, somehow, she knew that his leopard was close to the surface even though his eyes continued to remain completely human.

         Some long-buried instinct in Shaw must have recognized it, too, because the hand closest to his stunner twitched.  Claws burst from Lorel’s fingertips. For once, she didn’t try to force them back in. Remi, however, kept his hands in his pockets.  Only a fool would miss the lethal threat hidden beneath the lazy demeanour. How on earth he managed to hold the alpha’s stare, full of barely restrained savagery, she had no idea.

         “Naw, I think we’ll let this’un go with a warnin’.”  Shaw shrugged and resettled his hat. “But you best show your girl how things are ‘round here.”

         Shocked speechless by the blatant paternalism, she could only gape at him.

         “Oh?  And just how are ‘things ‘round here’?”  Remi’s tone was deceptively calm, but whatever the other man saw on his face had drained the blood from his own.

         “Well, that… you see…”  His Adam’s apple bobbed as he gulped.  “You can’t just go ‘round intimidating people you don’t like!”

         “I think you should take your own advice, officer.”  The predator was present in his voice. “Cher, why don’t you make a copy of that video for Sheriff Shaw here?”  He never looked away from the cop so the silent snarl she threw his way went unnoticed.

         “Testosterone’s getting thick in here anyway,” she muttered in a volume pitched for his ears alone.

         Once Lorelei was out of the room, the red haze fogging his mind cleared a little and he could think clearly again.  Shaw, on the other hand, realized he was alone in a room with a leopard in human skin, which meant he was less likely to do something stupid to prove his masculinity in front of a third, feminine party.  Men could usually be counted on to pull supremely senseless stunts when it came to pretty women. Such as issuing premature ultimatums instead of merely taking the measure of a prospective packmate.

         “Now look here…” the sheriff licked his lips.

         “I assume the human will be charged with filing a false report?”  He leaned against the cash counter, bracing his hands against the edge, palms down.  The relaxed stance fooled Shaw into downgrading his threat level and puffed up accordingly, crowding the alpha’s space.  Remi barely avoided rolling his eyes. His leopard didn’t take it as a challenge, merely huffed and sat down to scratch behind an ear. 

         “We have to dispatch a car ‘cause if something happens, we could be held liable if we don’t.  We don’t want people to avoid callin’ if they see something suspicious.” Remi wondered if the sheriff realized just how much of a stereotype of the rural hick cop he was, despite his law degree.  When he’d decided to found RainFire, he’d compiled dossiers on the local Enforcement brass and he knew that Shaw was well-educated. Was it a deliberate good ole’ boy ruse to put the humans at ease?

         Lorelei returned with the data chip and his leopard snapped to attention, snarling a warning at the male in the room.  Neither half of him wanted the cop anywhere near the curvy redhead. Remi caught the eye of Sugiyama through the door, which was still propped open, and waved him over.  The lieutenant accepted the chip and promised it would be entered into the incident report, ignoring his superior who clearly smelled displeased. Scenting no lie from the officer, his leopard settled somewhat.

         “Now I assume that Ms. Maddox is free to resume business unless ya’ll have any further questions.”  It wasn’t so much a question as it was a threat.

         Though Shaw was pissed at the brusque dismissal, he strode out of the bakery.  Sugiyama lingered to thank Lorelei for her hospitality and cooperation. Remi crushed the urge to throw the officer bodily out of the shop.  He could probably hit Shaw like a bowling pin with the lieutenant as the ball.

         “Thank you for your concern, Mr. Denier,” she said stiffly and smoothed her apron.  Today, it was patterned with autumn leaves and edged in yellow worn over a russet dress.  He wondered what he would find if he tugged on the satin tie and parted that modest Peter Pan collar to lick at the freckles that peppered her neck.  Were there more scattered across her creamy breasts? Did they trail across her soft stomach to…

         “Mr. Denier, was there something I can help you with?”  By the sharp arch of her brow, she was repeating the question.  Unlike Shaw, she wasn’t afraid of being alone with him although she was at the other end of the hierarchy.  Even with all the training in the world, a submissive could never hope to win against an alpha leopard in a physical battle.  And yet still she defied him while maintaining all outward propriety that could never be mistaken for an actual challenge.

         “There’s no need to be so formal, please, call me Remi.”  It was an obvious ploy to keep him at arm’s length. If she thought that would work, well, she had another thing coming.  He intended to solve the mystery of this woman who played at being human, needed to figure out why his cat wanted to hunt her in the most sensual way.

         “Was there anything you require?”  Icy haughtiness that would have done those few who still clung to Silence proud.  Coaxing her out of her shell was going to be fun.

         “A ‘thank you’ would be nice.”  A slow, feline smile curved his lips.

         “For what?  Barging in here and claiming responsibility for me like I’m a child?”  That was interesting. Most submissives liked feeling safe and protected, that she found it upsetting was another facet to the puzzle of Lorelei Caine/Maddox.

         “Keeping you from assaulting a law Enforcement officer.”  It had been obvious that she wanted to go for Shaw’s throat the second he walked in.

         “Thank you, Mr. Denier, for sweeping in here uninvited and undermining my authority in my own business.  I am ever so grateful you patted me on the head and shooed me away while you menfolk postured at each other.”  Her tone was sweet enough to drizzle over one of her confections and the drama was so over the top it would have done Scarlett O’Hara proud.  Any minute now he expected her to start soliloquizing about root vegetables. “Since you’re marking your territory and all, I think the sheriff peed on that tree over there in case you feel the need to over-mark.”

         “Il y a pas de quoi.  Next time Shaw wants to cause a fuss, he’ll have to notify RainFire.”  She blinked, considering the ramifications of having a pack of predatory changelings on her side when it came to dealing with the bigoted sheriff.  “One of the benefits of pack is protection.” It was not just a case of safety in numbers. Dominants lived to defend their pack, the need to protect ingrained into the core of who they were.

         “It was one person.  Besides, you can’t be there 24/7,” she said dismissively.

         The cat didn’t like the insinuation that he couldn’t protect this stubborn woman who regarded him with eyes of cool slate ringed with Prussian blue.

         “No one messes with RainFire.”  Any and all challenges were met with swift and brutal force.  Yet the challenge of Lorelei was one that couldn’t be resolved with violence.  Not as the initial offensive, anyway.

         “You make it sound like you’re running a protection racket.  Should I pay protection money in cookies? Are you going to shake down the grocery store for milk, too?”  Cocking a hip, she braced a fist on it and gestured in the direction of the grocer with her other hand.

         “What if next time it’s someone with a gun?”  The blood drained away from her face and he bristled at the spike of doubt in her luscious sugar and spice scent.  At their first meeting, he’d thought that the smell was from her array of goods; now he knew that it was part of her.  When he’d walked in, the sweetness had been tainted with a hint of something foul that nearly left an aftertaste. That note quickly faded while he dealt with Shaw and he wasn’t yet certain whence it came.

         “Then it’s a good thing I keep a hot pot of tea going.”  She glanced at the faintly steaming kettle within arm’s reach.  As a makeshift defensive strategy, he had to admit it wasn’t half bad.  A faceful of scalding liquid would give even him pause.

         “A clever answer,” he mused.  “Do you have one for me?”

         A faint vertical line formed on her brow.  Normally she took care to avoid meeting his gaze in case his leopard took it as a provocation, she did so now with remote appraisal.

         “Are you going to kill me if I decline your offer?”  

         “Only if it’s necessary.  Why? Do you plan on hurting my people, t-minou?  You’ll find we’re not easy prey.” He knew his eyes flashed cat bright as he stalked closer to her.  Wide-eyed, she mirrored his movements until she bumped up against the counter. Bones pushed up against her skin from the grip she had on the white ashwood.  The pulse of her heart was a fluttering butterfly under the thin skin of her throat, the sound of it like the hoofbeats of a racehorse.

         “If you’re calling my bluff, cher, this is a game you won’t win.”

Tête Dure - Hardheaded

Minou(s) - Cat(s)

T - Small, shortened form of petite

[captainjonnitkessler]

Does anyone wanna hear about the absolute mess of family drama I’ve been embroiled in for the last year

(long post below the cut)

The Incident:

So last August I was at a family party, a dinner for my grandmother’s birthday. I’m hanging out in the family room with my uncle, his girlfriend, and my aunt. I’ve been trying to leave for twenty minutes but I came with my mom who’s busy showing my cousin something, so I’m waiting for her to finish when I hear my uncle say in regards to his daughter’s doctor (that he hates, because she was chosen by his daughter’s mother, which is a Whole Thing) - “No, she’s Indian. Fuckin’ terrorist, with one of those little dots on her forehead. It’ll give me something to aim at, at least.” 

And everyone else in the room just kind of nods along, and I’m like “uhh what the fuck is wrong with you?” And he looks absolutely surprised and says “what?” To which my aunt responds “Well, that wasn’t a very nice thing to say.” And I’m like “no, it’s a horrible thing to say, you can’t just call all Indian people terrorists”. 

My uncle responded “What do you think I did for five years in Iraq?” (*now we don’t have time to unpack ALL that.jpg*)

Now I was pretty fucking shocked, and I hate hate hate hate hate confrontation. At this point my adrenaline skyrocketed, I felt shaky and sick and wasn’t super sure of what I was saying. I said something along the lines of “fuck the military and fuck you”, and he said “who do you think you are to talk to me like that? I’ll kick your ass!” but by this point I was on my way out of the house. I said terse goodbyes to the rest of the family and left with my mom who followed me out. 

The general family reaction was that I way overreacted and was out of line to talk to my uncle like that. There was a lot of “well, he shouldn’t have said that, but that wasn’t the time or place to bring it up”, etc. 

And I DO wish I’d handled it a little better! But I was in absolute shock at the time and then my hatred of confrontation kicked in and I wasn’t thinking super straight so yeah, I caused a bit of a scene but like . . . he threatened to MURDER a woman for her religion. So I feel like maybe one of those is worse!!

The Aftermath:

For a week afterward, my mom and I didn’t see or speak to anyone in my extended family. Which is weird, because my mom calls my grandmothers every couple of days at minimum to check up on them, and even after over a week of radio silence not a single person called my mom to check up on HER. 

When she did finally start calling them again, she told them that we were not going to be attending any event that my uncle was also attending (i.e., all of them). They were FURIOUS. 

They told her that we were tearing the family apart, that we were overreacting, that we need to respect his right to his opinion - all that. After that, a couple of my aunts called my mom to try and talk her into reconciling with my uncle, which she staunchly refused on the grounds of my uncle has ALWAYS been violent and racist and she’s sick of the family making excuses for him. 

Worth noting: to this day, not a single goddamned person in the family has called, texted, or otherwise contacted me in any way. Not when it happened, not to get my version of events, not to check in, absolutely nothing. Everything has gone through my mom, despite the fact that she wasn’t even part of the original incident and while she was very supportive of me, it was my initial decision to leave and to not go back to other family events. 

I still haven’t spoken to anyone in the family, with the exception of going to brunch with my grandmother a couple times, wherein she tried to guilt us into sweeping it all under the rug. A lot of “Of COURSE he’s not racist, he has friends of lots of different colors! He’s not homophobic just bc he supports Trump, his best friend is a lesbian!” My mom and I both tried explaining that supporting Trump means throwing marginalized people under the bus by default but they just called us close-minded and told us we had to accept his opinion if we want them to accept ours. We refused and shortly after the pandemic started and we stopped seeing them anyway, as my great-grandmother is immunocompromised.

Now:

It’s largely been a moot point since the pandemic hit, but my great-grandmother is turning 85 and really wants the entire family there. Now, I’m not going anyway because I work in a hospital and I’m not going to a large gathering for an immunocompromised person during an ongoing pandemic (you absolute dumbasses), but I wasn’t going to go in any case because it’s almost certain my family will be talking shit about the BLM protesters and I’m gonna start another fight if I hear that. So tbh I think my family’s a little relieved I’m not going after all.

But my sister just told my other sister that she thinks we’re overreacting, that we “have to accept that people have different opinions” and we “can’t keep attacking everyone who doesn’t think exactly like us”. And I am getting so sick and fucking tired of explaining that there is not like, a base level of racism I’m gonna ignore. There’s not a line that’s like “ok after this point it’s acceptable to call someone out on their racism”. That line is set at 0, okay, it’s 2020, I’m not gonna hold their fucking hands and walk them through “and this is why we don’t threaten to murder people with a different skin color or religion”. This wasn’t “we disagreed about where the city should allocate funds in this year’s budget”, this was a violent racist talking about murdering a woman he disagreed with. 

I’m not gonna attend events with a violently racist and sexist asshole and just kind of pretend I’m cool with it. (Also I don’t know for sure if he’s transphobic but I know for a fact he doesn’t think NB identities are real. And since I just came out to my family I don’t wanna deal with that bullshit.) And I don’t know. Maybe I should go and just keep calling people out on whatever bullshit I hear. Maybe I should try harder to educate my family on why I’m mad and why that sort of thing is unacceptable. But I really, really don’t think they’re willing to hear me. 

And I feel really bad because I know family is SUPER important to my grandparents, but . . . it’s really not to me. I’d rather hang out with my friends who love and support me for real than my family who “accepts” me as long as they can ignore me. And again: not one single person has bothered to call me in the 10 months since this happened, so how much could they actually care that I’m not there? 

And so that’s all my family drama, and if anyone has read this far thank you for reading, I just really wanted to vent about All This. 

[counterspelling]

time for another angry tros post

why in the everloving fuck was kerri russell’s character codenamed MARA if she wasn’t skymom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the disrespect!!!! it’s not enough to name a random jedi kid jacen, or to name a new character in tros jannah, or a girl in the mandalorian winta........... they really went and codenamed another nobody mara????? why??? what’s the point????

luke and leia really went all that fucking time NOT telling rey about her parentage??? when they knew how important it was to her?? how desperate she was for information about her parents?? after everything THEY went through about birth family drama?? they really thought that was a good idea?? rey is more than her family name, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve to know. and HOW did they know she was palpatine’s granddaughter. like kyle, he’s a snoke acolyte, okay, so maybe at some point he’s taken into their confidence. but how the fuck do luke and leia find out

everything with leia was just. so bad. all of her scenes were so stilted, they would have been better off just cgi’ing her. and this movie isn’t technically their fault, but the fact that they’d already spent two movies completely wasting her. having her send her non-force sensitive husband to confront their murderous son, standing back and sending rey to her twin, literally never once doing anything but standing around and reacting to people around her. if leia trained as a jedi, we should have SEEN THAT. i did not wait my entire life to see jedi leia on screen and then never get it. and her death, completely unexplained except that for some reason reaching her son kills her.......... it’s fucking padme all over again. god, they just completely fucked everyone in the ot, so badly, but holy fuck does star wars hate women

still just generally really pissed off that they brought palpatine back at all. not just in the sense that they tried to fucking woobify kyle ron and stopped him from being the ultimate villain that they should have, but that disney continually shits on star wars’ legacy. anakin DESTROYED THE SITH. there was a whole prophecy. it took him 20 years, but he fucking did it. he killed palpatine. and now, like everything else disney has set up over the last few years, it means nothing, because he DIDN’T actually kill palpatine, just like everything luke and han and leia fought for is meaningless, because 30 years later everyone was still in the exact same place. a low-rent resistance without a lot of support, the jedi order slaughtered through treachery, fighting an overly powerful empire bent on slavery and destruction (also why i could never get into rebels. luke is a new hope, the presence of a jedi for the first time in 20 years is supposed to be a big fucking deal. hard to have that same shock and awe when kannan and ezra are formally joining the rebellion, meeting mon and leia and lando, prominently waving around lightsabers. if disney wanted to make stories about jedi choose literally ANY OTHER TIME PERIOD IN STAR WARS HISTORY. I AM SO DESPERATE FOR STORIES ABOUT JEDI. just in the right time, and not in this singular 50 year period where there shouldn’t be jedi, jfc)

the OTHER major problem in bringing palpatine back is yet again, they’re trying to top the “no, i am your father” moment, which is just never going to happen. that was a once in a lifetime moment. everything disney does is trying to bigger and better. it’s not just death stars that can destroy planets, it’s a million star destroyers! kyle ron and rey have a force bond unseen in generations that lets them trade items across the galaxy! force healing has always been a thing but now they can instantly heal death! star wars doesn’t have to be X-TREME to be good. its best moments have always been about its character beats. luke saying he won’t destroy his father, leia and han’s i love yous, anakin’s despair over leaving his mother behind to become a jedi. it doesn’t always have to be BIGGER and BETTER. E V E R Y T H I N G about tfa said that rey was a skywalker, that luke was her dad. the music, her dreams of an island, calling his lightsaber to her, their lonely upbringings on desert planets, their instant embroilment into a conflict much bigger than they are but that they quickly become central to. but because rian johnson is so up his own ass and so insistent on proving how clever he is, he couldn’t follow through on that. even though star wars has always been a fairy tale, and it’s never been about tricking audiences or proving them wrong or throwing out foreshadowing as a red herring. lucas is maybe the most straightforward filmmaker of all time. that’s why bad guys have names like sidious and maul and plagueis. subtle, he is not. and it’s one of my favorite things about star wars. and disney just doesn’t care

the fact that they gave us so many luke/rey parallels and STILL STUCK WITH SHITTY REY PALPATINE. rey flying in his x-wing wearing his helmet, rey leaping away to safety on the millennium falcon from an evil skywalker offering his hand asking them to join the dark side, rey’s fear of the darkness within herself.................. all of it meaningless, apparently

i am so eternally angry at the way they treated rey. removing her teeth, linking her story so inextricably with the man who tortured her, irrevocably tying her narrative to that of a man’s because apparently star wars just can’t handle a trilogy without a white man in a central role. the rey in tfa is a completely different character than the rey from tlj and tros. she couldn’t stand on her own merits? they respected her so little they had to force her to share her trilogy with a murderer who abused her, and try to call that love? to make her journey about a forced bond with him, when he only ever tried to murder her and bring about her downfall? that they would VALIDATE his gross treatment of her by having her kiss him........................... how they made a trilogy more sexist than 70s george lucas, i will never understand

the main movies are the skywalker family saga. that’s what they told us. ending the last movie with two palpatines facing off............. if they already said fuck anakin and everything about his legacy finally ending the rule of the sith, they should have at least let his GRANDDAUGHTER be the one to ultimately fulfill the prophecy. i really cannot believe they fucked anakin and all the skywalkers in this way. the final living skywalker descendant killed all of his remaining family members and THAT’S what we’re going to have to live with from now on. everything anakin and luke and leia struggled and fought for, everything they overcame, all meaningless because one fucking sociopath is such an edgy piece of shit that he’d rather build a shrine to his grandpa’s burned helmet and get stuck in teen “I HATE MY FAMILY” bullshit because...... his life was unfair, somehow??? he just really loves murder??? tyranny is cool??? who knows! not us! jaina didn’t get erased from canon for this. the skywalkers deserved better and so did we.

[nidhoggssoultrap]

Headcanon Part 3

Dress up game...one character...inspired all this...wow. But, I was able to dig up some old “flames” because of this, so it’s all good.

Previous “Headcanons”:

https://nidhoggssoultrap.tumblr.com/post/190472389157/my-headcanon-nidhogg-louie-and-yvette-mostly

https://nidhoggssoultrap.tumblr.com/post/190581277697/headcanonsvingettessnippets-part-2

1. Since I have a special fondness for Camaros, I decided that Nidhogg will be driving that. A powerful black one that is a blast to drive. >:) My biases are showing, I know.

2. My "adaptation" is a cross over with Ultima. This is a very old series that has been an inspiration for years. Want an old school RPG to play? Try the Ultima series. The NES port of Ultima IV, Quest of the Avatar is excellent. But, the PC versions are better with Ultima 7 being considered the best and unfortunately going downhill from there. Still, it is an amazing old school series that is worth checking out and they are either free or low cost. Anyway, the Blood Curse problem is solved by instituting a "Virtue System" with Louie as one of the "Avatars", a shining example of virtue. Yvette will be one too as will quite a few others. The "True King" used to be like this, but because of his curse, he lost all virtue and is no longer an Avatar.

Nidhogg had NO idea that Louie was such a thing. No one did until he revealed it after the fight. Nidhogg had been trying for another power and as stated in the second batch of headcanon, he failed. Because of this, he is hit with a second curse, one that is not only painful, but scarring. Unlike the Blood Curse, only an Avatar can alleviate the pain once it flares up and there is no way to free someone from such a curse.

The "Fail Curse" basically means that you must follow the path of the Avatar and live in service to them. Failure to do so means being burned alive. Since Nidhogg isn't stupid or interested in killing himself(he did, however, consider it), he follows that path. The scarring goes from the heart and covers the upper left side of the body, except for the neck, face, and private parts(think heart attack area and that's generally where the scarring is). Still, having such scarring puts someone at a disadvantage in styling contests. The "Scarring" is the term I will be using in my "headcanon".

3. Remember the "He can't keep getting away with this!" Yvette says about Nidhogg? She tells Louie this and he point blank says, "he's not going to." This one came up recently, but I'm going to roll with it. It's based on something that apparently happens in a new Yvette Dreamweaver. After the death of Lunar,  Louie decides to pay her a visit in Lillith due to their mutual connection to Nidhogg. She's seen Louie before in Apple(first while he was on his motorcycle and second at a restaurant bar)  and thought he was "gorgeous." She considered the woman he loved "a very lucky woman". Nidhogg was NOT happy with this, but he acted like it was "no big deal". Anyway, Yvette and Louie tell each other about themselves a bit and he reveals that not everything about the Prime Minister is false, but does confirm that the Colonel is the "genuine article".  Yvette is sorry about Lunar's death and, of course, so is Louie. They agree to work together to stop Nidhogg. This would happen while Nikki and Kimi are in Apple dealing with Reid.

4. Speaking of beach theme in the last headcanon, Nidhogg's idea of "beach theme" is a t-short and boxer shorts. That's it. He's the same way with the Pajama theme.

5. I have another bunny involving Louie taking advantage of Nidhogg's love for him. It's basically a plot to steal back the White Blossom. It's a "date" that ends in "bedtime" and well, Louie succeeds in stealing the White Blossom. Needless to say, Nidhogg is well...displeased at being so used. It does not end for either one of them as they fight at the grave of Louie's father. Yea, mean bunny. I get those sometimes.

6. Nidhogg's parents were high ranking NCOs in the military. His father(I named Liam) was a "King of Cups" sort while his mother(Madam Zosha) was a "Queen of Wands." If one had to choose, it's agreed that Nidhogg took after his father and became "The Page of Swords" and ultimately "The King of Swords." He loved his parents very much and was present when they died. Liam died the same way Micheal Collins did(shot while going between cars). Zosha died soon afterward trying to avenge him. This is quite possibly his most painful memory and won't likely be surpassed. He was eight years old.  He lived for two years on his own before being discovered in Black Rock City by Louie's father. Yea, Nidhogg knows some hardship and knows how it feels to watch someone being accused of things they did not do (Liam was falsely accused of treason) and lose everything because of it.

7. Nidhogg learned to drive when he was 13. Self-taught on a manual shift jeep. He stalled only once, decided that it would never happen again and it didn't(that is, until the very end of the chase when Yvette finally fights back). He was a few years older when he learned to fly, but was quickly surpassed by Louie. However, as stated in previous headcanons, Nidhogg is a better driver.

8. There are four "loopholes" around the Blood Curse: 1. Medicines(Regent 7), 2. Inability to feel pain. 3. The ability to feel pain and pleasure as one. 4. Immune/Highly Resistant to curses. Louie becomes the 4th one due to Avatarhood.

9. It should have gone without saying that Nidhogg is a loner(which was why he was happy that Louie was similar). In fact, Shade was shocked that he would continue desiring Louie. Shade had assumed that Nidhogg didn't need anyone. Nidhogg's response? "Who said anything about need?" A lot of my favorite characters are like this.

10. Confession Bear: While thinking of the car chase story, I kind of laughed at the fact that there are two grown men embroiled in "gay drama" in front of a young woman, two teenage girls, and a talking cat. In the end, pretty much everyone knew what went on between Louie and Nidhogg, not something either of them wanted much.

11. In Headcanon 2, I made it clear that Louie was blinded by hate/rage. Because of this, some of his actions were a bit unbecoming of an avatar(this Ultima, this happens too. The point is that things can get complicated and being virtuous doesn't always work). Like: twisting and turning Nidhogg's words until it suited his purpose, ascribing words/actions to Nidhogg that he didn't actually say/do, using Nidhogg's actual words against him, and well, subterfuge. Louie succeeds in getting a good number of people to defect, but they end up siding with ORLANDO. Either way, League Tyr suffers losses because of it. Part of the reason Louie acted the way he did was due to desperation, but also the rage he felt toward Nidhogg, but it wasn't pure rage as he still loved his elder "brother"/friend.

At the end of their final duel, Louie strips him of his cape, his medals, and his weapons. He tells the girls, "If you have any last words to say to him, say them now because it'll be awhile before you ever see him again, if ever." He also uses Nidhogg's quote about fate against him("This is your fate").   All of this was done while Nidhogg suffered greatly under the "Fail Curse." Louie could have alleviated the pain while before banishing him, but deliberately chose not to.

He's also said this(when Morrison/Grey Raven was captured): "The opinions of others mattered little to your parents. Where are they now?" Er, yea...lowblow. Nidhogg's response? A raised eyebrow and he continued his argument as if Louie had said nothing of the sort and was STILL trying to persuade him to join the Night Order.

During the "chase" he finally does get to Nidhogg when he basically says, "The freedom you will bring is false!" And even worse, "I wish you had died as a child, buried in the snow with no one to give a damn about you. Then, I would have never known you and I wouldn't be cursed with the memories of you!"

He says a lot more, but that's the gist of it. Had it been anyone else, it would have the effect of a sneeze in a tornado, but because it was Louie, it, well, got to Nidhogg in ways no one else was able to. Yvette and Nikki simply angered/irritated him. Louie...well...made him cry. Er, sort of. I mean, this is Nidhogg, after all.  At that point, Nidhogg basically says "you never understood me, you never really tried" and makes a declaration that sends Louie in tears. Soon after that, Nidhogg tells all of them that there is no use arguing anymore because "you will never agree with me and I will never agree with you, so that makes things rather moot, now doesn't it?" When Louie offers a reconciliation, Nidhogg says that it's "too late now."

In the end, Louie regrets all off of it because he knew that Nikki was right: It was needless cruelty. He was also reprimanded by the Seer of the Avatar, who said the same thing and that vengeance had no place for an Avatar. Later on, Nidhogg tells him that he would have never been so cruel had the situation been reversed.

12. Of all those in the Night Order, only Nidhogg faced any real consequences. It was decided that being "Scarred" was punishment enough. Plot twist: He was set up by Ryan all along and Ryan was the one who finally inspired Yvette to become her own White Knight. Remember Ryan?

13. That power Nidhogg so desperately wanted and needed Yvette in order to obtain it? It would have destroyed him completely as his mindset was a bit "reversed" at the time. So really, Yvette and co. saved him and his soul.

14. Nidhogg, imo, is damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. If he's poor, he's jealous. If he's rich, then he's a hypocrite. If he's straightforward, he's an asshole. If he sugercoats, then he's a liar. He learned early on not to give a damn what others think for this reason as his parents went through the same thing.

15. The issue is that there was only one way to settle disputes. So, the stylings contests were something that seemed freeing, but it wasn't. It was a sugar coated tyranny. Such a thing created internal turmoil, hence "false peace."

16. Confession Bear: My first impression of him in his uniform other than "OMG HAAAWWWWT" was "OMG FASCIST!" But, then I looked up the Iron Cross and found that it predates any thought of Fascism/Nazism by about 200 years.

17. Nidhogg KNEW that there would be chaos. "Of course there would be chaos! Did you think I wouldn't know that!? But from chaos will come a new order and it will be under my firm, guiding hand!"

18. Yvette looked at all the gifts Nidhogg had given her after all that had happened. While keeping a low profile in Lillith, she wondered how much contempt/disdain/hate he actually had for her. It wasn't the first time she had such "friends", but Nidhogg's deceit hurt her the most. She found that people being honest with where she stood with them was far more preferable.  She thought of throwing the gifts away, but Kiki told her that the gifts didn't do anything, so she shouldn't. Yvette chose not to. She also remembered the "I like me speech" and that she had true friends.

19. Liliana(this is the 'artist' in my fic) works as a cleaner/maid in the capital building. She is a friend of Bobo and ultimately Yvette. She draws all sorts of things, including designs. Nidhogg actually used one of her drawings to make Bunny Stockings ("That's not his style.") Unlike the thief, he gives her credit and thanks her for being able to look at her sketches. After the coup, she thinks that he may have been looking at her sketchbook/photo album to see what she knows.

20. Nidhogg has a "take all you want, but eat what you take" attitude when it comes to food. This is from the military.

[little-miss-sunshines-blog1]

An ex-Larrie Testimonial

I am an ex-Larrie.

So there it is. Interestingly, the walls didn’t come crashing down, the earth didn’t stop turning, and the seas didn’t turn to dust. I’m still sitting here, in front of my laptop screen, with no visible change to world around me. Well then.

It has taken over a year for me to fully transition to where I am now and to feel comfortable enough to share some of that journey. So, here goes.

Recently I have been speaking with others in the fandom about why it can be challenging for people to walk away even when they want to, and it has been fascinating. Ultimately, what I’ve found is that many Larries stay because they don’t want to lose their “community” and for those that are particularly heavily immersed in Larriedom, the leap from Larrie to ex-Larrie can be significant. Being a Larrie can impact your day-to-day life in varying ways, and in many cases, you may not even realise how deep it runs until you start the process of moving away from that environment.

There’s little value in going into the what/when/where/why scenarios that influenced my own decision to become an ex-Larrie. There was no epiphany moment and nothing I can point others to that fully explains why. The reality is that it was a series of small things that accumulated over time and being in the right headspace to look at things with a critical eye, being ready to be honest with myself, and a preparedness to admit that I had been wrong.

Perhaps this testimonial will resonate with others who are wavering, perhaps it will provide some level of comfort in knowing that what you’re feeling isn’t unique, and that maybe you’re not alone. If it serves no other purpose than that, then putting it out there will have been worthwhile.

So why does it feel so difficult to leave?

Community: A sense of community is something that most people inherently seek out, whether in real life, or in their online life. At times, being a Larrie can seem comforting and reassuring. It can feel safe and welcoming. Feeling that you are part of something bigger; part of a “team” standing side-by-side and fighting for those that you believe can’t fight for themselves can be a powerful thing. But as you start to question the validity of these beliefs, the reality of what it could mean to leave that world behind can start to settle uncomfortably.

Friends: Being a Larrie enables you to form bonds with other like-minded individuals. These friendships form fast and firm, irrespective of physical location; drawn together online and fighting the good fight in the trenches against the boys’ “teams”, the media at large, and any other person or organisation that is being focused on at that time. But what happens when you’re no longer embroiled in this imagined battle? The basis for these friendships will no longer exist and, with such opposing viewpoints, they may end.

Entertainment: As a Larrie, there is always something with which to occupy your time; whether scrolling through your timeline on various social media platforms, reblogging cute gifs or manips, chatting to your Larrie friends, catching-up on the latest drama or following along as some old conspiracy theory is dredged up and rehashed. There appears to be an almost limitless supply of things to keep you entertained. It’s easy for people to say “well, find another hobby then, study something, read a book etc”, but that kind of paradigm shift takes time and can seem overwhelming.

Online Imprint: Once you make the decision that you want to separate yourself from Larriedom, what then? If you’ve cultivated an online presence predicated on the belief that Larry is real it might be everywhere, in every corner of your online imprint. Unless you’ve been very careful, you may have also shared pieces of who you are in real life, forever linking you to this world. You can lessen the impact but can it truly be eradicated? Screen shots, as they say, are forever.

In Real Life: What happens if you’ve made your Larrie beliefs public to your friends/family/co-workers in real life? It can be a very reasonable concern for some people and you may be worried how you’re going to extract yourself from this without suffering from some level of embarrassment.

What are some of the personal impacts of being a Larrie?

Time: Time and what you do with it is an interesting concept regardless of whether you have too much or not enough. When I turned my back on being a Larrie I was suddenly presented with an abundance of time. It was a genuine shock to discover exactly how much of my precious time I had been devoting to keeping abreast of the minute-by-minute “updates”.

FOMO: There is a disturbing sense of needing to ensure you are constantly wired-in to what is happening in Larriedom. This need can become consuming. It’s unhealthy. It’s distracting. It’s disturbing.

Music: Music has always been a big part of my life. Being part of a fandom for members of a band obviously means that music is a huge part of that experience. But being a Larrie also means that many of those songs have taken on specific meanings. I hope over time this will change and I can once again appreciate these songs for what they are.

Relationships: As a Larrie, you can find yourself closing off a big part of who you are and what you spend your time doing from those around you in real life. After all, who would understand? It can limit your ability to make new connections because you feel the need to hide this part of yourself. Whether through embarrassment (which should in reality be a massive red flag in and of itself), an unwillingness to share your online persona, or the fear of being stigmatized.

Stress: Experiencing an unpleasant physical reaction when you see an alert pop on your phone for someone’s Instagram or Twitter is not healthy. Being afraid to open that notification because you’re worried you’ll see something that doesn’t fit your Larry construct is not normal. Having to steel yourself in preparation, and then force your eyes to open and actually look at your phone screen is concerning.

Goalposts: You set yourself arbitrary deadlines for things to happen. “If “it” hasn’t happened by x date then I’ll leave”, you say. But then it doesn’t happen, so you move the goalposts for some seemingly plausible and justifiable reason. You reset your expectations, but that niggling feeling telling you something is inherently wrong gets louder each time.

Exhaustion: You wait and wait, believing that one day it will all be worth it and Larry will be “free”. They’ll strut the red carpet of some movie premiere or awards show hand-in-hand. They’ll be lauded in publications as the power couple of a generation. They’ll do interviews with Ellen and Oprah and grace the pages of fashion magazines. Except they won’t. Because this isn’t a fantasy. It’s hard to live off tiny pieces of contrived “proof” waiting for something that will never, ever happen.

Disappointment: Being a Larrie can be a constant, soul-crushing disappointment. You latch onto every tenuous link about a t-shirt someone wears or the colors in the background of an Instagram video or the lyrics of a song or a follow on Twitter and, along with your Larrie counterparts, proclaim them to be secret coded messages. You cling to every shred of hope and over-analyze every minuscule detail. But there’s never anything concrete, because of course, there can’t be.

Regret: Moving on means acknowledging you were wrong, that this thing that you’ve ardently supported is a falsehood, a fantasy, and so removed from reality that it can be slightly mortifying to admit. From my perspective, I acknowledge and regret many things from my time as a Larrie and I am sorry that I perpetuated and publicized these untruths.

It’s been nearly 18 months since I started this process, from the very first time doubts started to creep into the back recesses of my mind. My journey has been long and the road has been bumpy at times, but I’m here now as a testament to the success that process can be.

I am happier, I am enjoying my fandom experience far more than I ever did as a Larrie, and my real life has changed for the better. I have made new fandom friendships by seeking out like-minded individuals and whilst that was hard at the beginning, as with most things in life, it just took time, patience, and perseverance.

If you read this and identify with any of what I’ve said, I would encourage you to reflect on whether it may also be time for you to leave Larriedom behind. Reach out to others who have gone through similar journeys or send me a message, I’ll always be happy to talk and provide you with any support I can.

At the end of the day, the more people that make the move in a considered and positive way, the softer the landing will be for those that follow.

Thanks for taking the time to read this and I hope that it can, even in some small way, help others to make the break.

[alottamoney]

Lisa anon here.You are not a cynic.Two third of the army thinks whatever they see on Tv, whatever bh says is the ultimate truth. This is the most bizarre phenomenon that maybe is as close to a cult as I have seen so far.Even nature documentaries are rearranged for giving suspense and dramatic shots.But an entertainment company that makes money by dancing,singing and putting out reality content wouldn't because they made pinky promise.Okay.

Why Jungkook chose Jimin is simple.Why Jimin filled the gap that taekook apparently left out is even simpler.It is because 1. Jimin wanted to. 2. There was an opportunity for career growth. Jimin is a clout chaser.If being bff with a goat would get him to the peak, you would see everywhere "Jimin bff with goat". In early years of bts Tae was popular.He hung out with Tae.Then he was teamed with Taekook.Then from 2017 when Tae fell out of favour with bh,Jimin was with JK.A lot can be said regarding Jimin's primary goal and how it changed with each era, how his ambition changed, and it really deserves a post on its own. Him always putting bts first no matter what,ride or die,shows he can't separate himself from bts to the point that he doesn't want other members to do it too.He will stand against them if they moved against BTS.He has mentioned he cut off close friends because they were speaking bad about the member/s.In early 2018 he and JK publicly teamed up to peer pressure Tae I think because Tae was really reconsidering renewing his contract.He knew if Tae goes,JK will go too.At the outset of that year that was supposed to happen.Tae wanted to leave.No one had any major problem.But when Kookie wanted to leave that was when everyone went mental.Only Suga supported them unconditionally.The texts that only the two got.Jin mentioned Kookie would stay in his room all day in 2018 and shut himself in.Tae left the house in 2018 February.JK has lived with Tae from 2011.I think I don't need to emphasize how big of a shock that was to JK.He grasped at anything to cope.He completely changed his persona.He was on medication probably.I say this because this sudden surge of confidence,chanting this mantra of I love myself,I am happy over and over again, these were completely,and I mean completely opposite of JK up until even January 2018.Jimin actually listened to him at that time.He in the beginning helped Tae get to JK in 2016.After that due to bh interference, jimin and JK became bff more than Vmin.That period wasn't the problem.The problem started in 2018 when V realized Jimin was tending to his interest first and JK was embroiled in it.Jikook had a symbiotic relationship without knowing.

Jungkook wants Tae like he is oxygen and this is not funny.He really can't think straight if they are not close anymore.He has found a father,lover,brother,mentor everything in Tae and this dependence got a reality check when Tae moved out.He tried to fill that with Jimin's affection for a time.He really tried moving away from that emotional dependence.This is complete conjecture but I think JK spilled secrets to Jimin that he shouldn't have about Tae and taekook because that's how introverts roll.When they are close with someone that's where all their secrets go.That's why I think it's not a Jimin problem.He is an independent agent working for his goal with whatever resource is available to him.It is a jungkook problem.If Jimin is not there to listen to him, he will look for other distractions.He needs to fill up that gaping void where Tae resides during good times.

I agree taekook is not the sort to discuss.People came in too late in the fandom.Taekook have done a lot of early relationship courting behavior in 2013- 2014 when they were very young.After 2015 they were not in the stage of figuring out if they liked each other.They knew they liked each other since 2015.People are wrong when they try to find signs of liking in 2020.They are over and done with all of that now they have hit the boring phase but they keep it exciting nevertheless.

I want to mention something interesting.There is a lot of talk about how JK's stare at Tae is not special because he stares at everyone.But this is the only pair where one involved(Tae) gestures the other(JK) to look away and stop looking.This has happened multiple times.Snowwhite Tae behind the scene,before spine breaker mv shooting,in one of the US interviews with Hoseok in between.

The memories 2020 segment that I described,and the almost kissing scene should confirm to people that Jimin does things to his own end.No he is not coming in between taekook.But he was mocking Tae. Taekook cannot act that way in public.If Jimin still did that gimmick, that means it's nothing serious to him.Which is tremendously insensitive to the lgbt causes.Knowing Tae didn't like it,he raised his brow AT TAE like saying 'What are you gonna do?'.Members are going to invite him to their wedding like 'wish you could come but you are so busy don't you have that thing on that very day so unfortunate we know you will be with us in spirit bye'. No wonder they are estranged from him.And Kookie acted like my dog when she hears 'bath time'.Pretend you are not here. Jungkook is thinking he is performing the sacred duty of holding bts together.He doesn't want them to suffer because of taekook.He doesn't want members to fight.He prioritizes bts over his own relationship because he does not want to be seen selfish.But..old habits die hard. I wouldn't have paid any extra attention to that mock kissing attempt if I hadn't seen the aftermath of it in a video at least 3 or 4 months ago.Tae was really angry in that shoot.While singing he and Jimin touched head while sitting and JK came jumping and separated them.In that video it was seen as JK getting jealous of Vmin but V doesn't hide his angry face.The whole time JK was looking at Tae.In todays's dropped memories in bts, Tae ignored JK when he was trying to catch up with him on the same day.

I have seen kookie trying fanservice with members but they are not jimin.They respect Tae.They are older and don't see why they need to do these things specially when they are getting into the next phase of their life :serious relationships. You think they see Kookie and thank him for saving bts?They see a child who is desperately trying to hold onto his favourite toy even if it means destroying himself in the process.I think JK has already started seeing how respect in relationships work by observing the members relationships.You think they are gonna let Jimin climb all up on their gf while their gf act like a statue?JK in his weverse said he doesn't think about the past,his focus is always to the future.His ego wouldn't be able to cope if he did.

There are a lot of secrets within that group.They want to stay truthful but it is not what happens.Tae and bh, their relationship is key to uncovering all of the favouring that Jimin got in the successive years.In this festa he said he believed about himself "I can make my own way". Jimin's insecurity is so deep rooted, anything to cover that up. RM said in the same festa he stopped believing that people are inherently good.

You have a nice weekend.

Lisa anon,

“Cult” would be an accurate description. "Pinky promise" lol it wouldn't be so bizarre if I didn't see adults say such naïve things.

My confusion arises because I started with the assumption that Jimin didn't have an agenda. I guess if you look at it that way both BH and Jimin's own desire for visibility could have played into it but I also think Jikook did have a genuine bond, a bond that changed from the early years independent from company and shippers narratives but Jungkook's relationship with the rest remained the same from whatever we can see. That part I don't understand. I could be wrong about this but there was quite a bit of Jikook even in the earlier content so the company always had plans for them but it didn't morph into it's current form the until 2017.

May I ask why you think Tae was the only one to move out? Couldn't they all afford their own places by then? I wasn't in the fandom back then so the personality shift in Jungkook isn't as clear to me as it would be to someone who was closely watching them in real time. Interesting thing about the staring you brought up there. Anti-Taekookers have made it their mission to convince everyone that Taekook isn't special and never was. Even if they paint him as someone who ignores Tae, I am of the opinion that Jungkook can be a bit (very) intense. So, I am somewhat in agreement with the "wanting Tae like oxygen" sentiment lol. I can definitely see them disagreeing over their friends, living arrangements and loyalty to the band but none interestingly enough seems to lead them to reconsider the whole relationship thing. If you take into account their environment and the things they have to deal with daily, the only reason they lasted so long is that one or both of them really want this unless they feed off the drama of it all.

That memories 2020 Jikook clip was quite something, I'll need more time to piece it all together but yes, it looked awkward. Some things may be obvious to us but until Jungkook himself says or does something it'll just be "Taekookers making Jimin the villain of their kdrama" type responses. The new trend is to say that Tae is the one who makes Jungkook uncomfortable whenever Jungkook doesn't respond when Tae interacts with him. It's a losing battle and I'm not interested in convincing anyone if they refuse to see.

I think the accusation against Jungkook was that he increased fanservice with the other members for attention. After the 2019 scandals Jungkook seems to have this parallel image of being the black sheep of BTS, the intentions behind his actions are over-analyzed. He’s painted as this two-faced, opportunistic person who would throw anyone under the bus for his image and solo career, using his bandmates to queerbait unsuspecting fans, and so on. Jungkook doesn’t help his case the way handles certain things which makes me think he really is unaware of how the fandom perceives him or Taekook. That would explain a lot actually and it makes sense I’d probably avoid this fandom and filter content too.

I’m probably going to annoy you but I don’t take Festa content at face value either. BTS definitely have a lot to hide, I’m impressed by how they managed to stay unscathed so far. I feel we won’t get the truth from them any time  soon. They have more reasons to be careful and they’ve become too significant for Koreans to let anything happen to them. So, only a huge scandal will take them down.

You too have a nice weekend. 💜