#but get this. TWO OF THEM HATE ARCTIC MONKEYS- so i might just lie and not mention that theyve got nothing to do with it...

[perfectly-clear-from-here]

in the process of trying to convince the lads in my band to cover little illusion machine for our next gig. wish me all the luck 🙏

[whumpster-fire]

Extremely Hot His Dark Materials Take:

The conventional wisdom that daemons’ settled forms represent who you truly are as a person and are a unique, symbolic representation of it is what’s said in-universe but it isn’t true, or at the very least isn’t the whole truth. IDC what Philip Pullman’s said is actually canon, stuff like “Servants usually have dog demons because they have a submissive/servile nature” is really not plausible fite me.

Animal symbolism is a social construct and is not universal among cultures, and just like the alethiometer symbols, an animal species can have many meanings. As a result, for any one person there are usually many species which are a “valid” representation of their soul, and which one their daemon actually settles as is not set in stone from birth. Daemons don’t consciously choose their settled form - and humans certainly don’t - but it reflects a variety of influences, including symbolic “nature” but also cultural influences, social pressures, what animals the daemon actually knows about, the nature of the relationship between the human and daemon, and what forms are physically comfortable or practical. But the common uniting factor in all of those is that a daemon’s form reflects what you want and need as much as what you are. Not superficial wants, but deep deep psychological needs and what’s important to you. And sometimes fears as well.

Factor #1: Societal Bias

Strong cultural predispositions toward settled form, combined with form stereotyping. I think it was said in the books that “most servants had dog daemons because deep down they wanted to be told what to do.” Think about this: is this likely to be true? Given that people generally wind up in jobs by luck of the draw and by what’s available, and most people even in the most socially mobile modern societies usually don’t end up in their “true calling,” and in Lyra’s world your occupation seems to very often be determined by your birth. Do you really think all the kids like Roger Parslow, who’s working as a kitchen boy because his aunt who was a servant at Jordan College raised him, are naturally subservient? Well, is everyone who works in a service industry job IRL naturally subservient? Hell no! However, this is a very, very convenient lie for a classist society that teaches people that they were born into a “station” in society to tell. If your daemon settles as a dog, obviously you were meant to be a servant all along, and you and your daemon spending your entire childhood being told that because this is the station you’re being born and raised into your daemon should be a dog or some other “appropriate” form and couldn’t possibly cause them to be biased towards canine forms by this.

But if a daemon takes a form that’s obviously unfit for their station, clearly your true calling is elsewhere and it was never truly meant to be. It’s hard to falsify as long as most daemons are settling in “expected” forms. And most do, at least to an extent. A daemon’s form is influenced by drives and desires, and while most people don’t necessarily want to be bossed around and told what to do, most people do want to fit in.

And having fairly broad categories of “expected” can help that, because that gives room for daemons to find a form within that category that genuinely fits their nature. Someone extremely independent and strong-willed but growing up always expected to be a servant might end up with a husky daemon. Someone with a leading (or even controlling) personality might have a herding breed. The same goes for Gyptians and Witches being expected to usually have bird daemons.

On the other hand people with certain daemon forms might also be actively recruited for certain jobs, based on both symbolism and the physical abilities of that form - e.g. the Tartar mercenaries and other soldiers seem to almost all have wolf daemons. These may be very common in their culture to begin with, and then there’s further selection based on the symbolism of “You’re a wolf, you’re powerful, noble, and a natural killer but you’re a loyal pack animal, you’d make a great soldier.” But then in addition to that, because of the no touching rules, people in jobs where they fight other people are at an advantage if their daemon can fight other daemons.

Factor #2: Age

Settling age is... around early-to-mid puberty it seems like. I’ve seen speculation that it would be later in more modern societies as the age of maturity drifts over, but it seems like 12-14 is fairly common. But brain development continues until around 25. Like... seriously. Daemons are settling when their humans would be middle-schoolers in our world. People mature and change a huge amount in that decade of “settled but not fully mature.” Unless daemons can presciently predict how they’ll change over time - or if the soul’s nature is fixed and people tend to change in away that approaches that over time - your daemon’s form may be based on what you were like at settling age.

Factor #3: Knowledge and Familiarity

His Dark Materials is mostly based in Europe / Northern Eurasia, and the vast, vast majority of the settled daemon forms in the novels are native to that region. Off the top of my head the exceptions are Stelmaria (a snow leopard, native to the Himalayas but that’s still an animal she and Lord Asriel could have encountered / read about as a child), Mrs. Coulter’s daemon (a monkey, I don’t think we’re ever told what species. Not native to Europe but again Marisa had the resources to travel, read about exotic species, visit zoos, etc and everything about them is weird, IIRC the African soldiers in Amber Spyglass had various african daemon forms (so, where they’re actually from), and Hester. Hester’s the most important because while she took the form of an arctic hare, which is native to North America where Lee’s from, her form is native to a completely different part of North America, that she and Lee probably wouldn’t have been familiar with, and it took years for anyone including her to even notice.

This suggests daemons may be able to take forms that are unknown to them, but we never see a raccoon or an oppossum or a bobcat or some australian animal as a daemon as far as I know, so my best guess is that they had some secondhand knowledge of the arctic and had at least seen what an Arctic Hare looked like but forgot how to tell one apart from a jackrabbit, Hester had an unconscious longing for the North that neither of them were aware of, and she had a strong and possibly less-unconscious desire to get the hell out of Texas at sometime around settling age. And they assumed she was a jackrabbit because daemons usually don’t take forms they’re not familiar with.

Factor #4: Physical Preference

A daemon is not a shadow or a heraldic crest - they’re not just an insubstantial symbolic reflection. A daemon is an integral part of a person’s being, and they are one, but at the same time the daemon are a living, breathing creature even if their physical body is unstable. One soul, two bodies, two minds, two personalities. Their form subjects them to some - although not all - of the physical abilities and limitations that animal would have, and the same sensations.

Again, a daemon’s form is often influenced by what’s important to them, and to the pair. Most daemons take on a huge number of forms throughout childhood, and there are some things about those forms that are important to them. For some daemons the freedom of movement of flight is a fun, childish thing to play around with, and perhaps tactically useful, but it isn’t torture to give it up. For others, flight and the freedom it represents are their very heart and to be bound to a grounded form forever would be unbearable. Some can’t give up the ability to take small forms that can hide and go unnoticed, but some hate the vulnerability and helplessness of small size and could never be happy in a form that can’t walk alongside their human without fear of being kicked or stepped on. Some can’t give up the joy of swimming, or climbing, and for some their humans can’t. The daemon of someone who is a mountaineer and climber in their soul won’t be a snapping turtle. And... this is complicated, because part of it’s the human’s nature, but part of it is tied up in experiences which the human can feel too, and that are important to them, but they don’t experience in quite the same way.

Sometimes it’s just too convenient. Witches’ daemons are nearly always birds because witches spend much of their time in the air and can separate from their daemons, and only with flight of their own can a daemon take advantage of this power; in a flightless form they would take far longer to travel any distance, and their witches would have to land every time they separated or reunited. Another animal, like a fox or a mink or a rabbit, might fit with a witch’s nature too, but a witch’s daemon will become a hawk or a heron or a dove instead.

And sometimes a certain from is just comfortable and it just feels right even though the symbolism might not fit the stereotypes.

Factor #5: Human-Daemon Relationships

This is something I talked about a bit in my post about autism and daemons: the form a daemon settles as is often affected by the nature of their relationship with their human.

First of all: barring severe internal conflict or mental illness, while a daemon’s settled form is not chosen by the human and does not follow their whims, they don’t take a form that makes their shared life inconvenient and miserable. Out of how many sailors, John Faa and Farder Corram knew what, one guy with a dolphin daemon? Usually sailors’ daemons would be seabirds or otters, or animals like cats and rats that aren’t technically aquatic but are well-adapted to living on a boat. Does this mean that the sea isn’t their true love? No: it means no matter how much you love the sea being trapped on a ship for their entire life (and not even the entire ship: how high in the rigging can you climb without going too far from your daemon who can’t leave the water?) sucks and is actively dangerous. Imagine your ship is wrecked and your daemon carries you to shore through the storm (because humans die of hypothermia if left in the water too long in many parts of the oceans)... except you’re literally unable to get out of reach of the crashing waves that will drown you, sweep you away, or batter you to death, without dragging your daemon up the beach and then they’re stranding and dying, and you can’t go get fresh water which your body needs because your soul is an anchor binding you to the water. How many things that are a sailor’s job are you unable to do because you can’t go more than like ten yards from water deep enough to swim in?

Daemons do not consciously choose their forms, but their subconscious is not stupid. Taking a form like a dolphin doesn’t mean the daemon is symbolically expressing their nature, it means the human is denying it to the point where their own daemon is afraid of being torn away from it and cannot trust their human. But again, this event is happening at middle-school age, so what’s likely happening is something like a 14-year-old cabin boy falling in love with a girl in town and wanting to marry her and move inland and abandon the sea forever, and his daemon being horrified by the idea and wanting to make sure it can. not. happen. ever. And then both of their lives are ruined. Meanwhile the other cabin boy on the boat had a non-dysfunctional relationship with his daemon, who settled as a seagull and trusts that when he goes to visit family a little ways inland for a couple days it won’t be permanent.

Anyway: disregarding dysfunctional people like Mrs. Coulter, some humans and daemons are more physically affectionate with their counterparts than others, and in different ways.

Some pairs are happy spending most of their time at the edge of their not-painful range. Some pairs are perfectly comfortable with the daemon taking a tiny form and hiding in their human’s coat pocket most of the time and sneaking around the rest, and with the daemon hardly ever speaking to other humans, and that closeness and the moments of being held in the palm of their human’s hand and being stroked gently with one or two fingers is perfect for them. Some pairs are content with the distance a form like a bird of prey imposes, where the daemon must perch near their human because their claws would injure them if they landed on their shoulder or arm without protective clothing.

But many people and daemons are more “touchy” with each other, for whom the physical nature of the bond between human and daemon cannot possibly be given up. Some daemons settle in the forms they took to fly, or to hide, or spy, or fight, but many settle in the forms they took to rest, to soothe and comfort, to lick wounds and let their fur or feathers be stroked, to share body heat, and sometimes to help hold their humans upright or drag them to safety. Some pairs are content with the daemon sleeping on windowsills or perched on bedposts or on nightstands, or under beds or at the feet of them, but some curl up under the covers together whenever they can.

In less poetic terms, daemons settling in fluffy, huggable forms because they and their humans have a deep-seated need to cuddle with each other is just as valid as daemons settling as birds because they need the freedom of flight.

This is often the case for children whose need for touch is not met properly by others, or those for whom it is too much, or it cannot be trusted. Parents, friends, and lovers aren’t always there, but they are always there for each other. But there’s not always trauma or neglect involved, and it’s not always people who have few or no close and intimate bounds outside themselves. Plenty of content, well-adjusted people still have relationships like this with their daemons because we’re human beings and touch is important to us, and it doesn’t really matter if you share a soul.

[nezumi-writes]

hi!! i love ur blog omg🥺 may i request a matchup for haikyuu, bsd and bnha? (haven't read any of the mangas)

personality: i'm an intp, but i'd consider myself an ambivert, it depends a lot on who i'm with. my love language is touch and quality time. i care a lot about people even though it might not seem like it. i play rpg (like dungeons and dragons) so i can kinda interpretate some stuff and i think that's cool. some people say i'm funny, i don't really think so. i'm very anxious to myself but i don't show that to most people, to those i prefer to appear more relaxed. when i get a jumpscare i try to act tough but i look stupid😼 also i love cats!!

i'm a girl, bi, and i prefer to be matched with male characters :D

appearance: 5'7, brown hair with a hidden blue, brown eyes, glasses. I'm not skinny skinny but i think i can consider that i'm "kinda" skinny. and i have really white skin

likes and dislikes: i really really really like music 'cause it calms me down, i also play ukulele, a lil bit of piano and i'm getting back at singing. i like video games and anything that can distract me from my thoughts/anxiety. i don't like people who lie a lot, sounds that are way too loud (i get scared easily and it makes me kinda nervous), and i hate to feel vulnerable, i feel like i wouldn't be able to protect myself

type of person i'd prefer: someone who i can be myself without fearing judgement. someone who would protect me would be nice too. someone who i can trust and that will trust me too (i have a lot of trust issues). also, idk but sometimes i wanna be alone but i also don't? like i want someone to be near me but i just don't wanna be talking too much, someone to be comfortable with.

i'm a very anxious person, also have mood swings and i get scared kinda easily, so someone that can calm down would be nice too, sometimes is hard to do it myself.

ideal date: staying home watching a movie or playing something, or going for a walk at the beach when it's like sunset/midnight. or just walking around of town when the sun is setting already.

fun stuff: i'm really interest in editing photos and videos! and also drawing. my mother language isn't english, i'm actually from brazil:D ur blog is international so cool 😎 lol. i also really like disney villain songs? and musical songs too idk i feel like i'm in a movie. and my favorite band are the arctic monkeys, but i also really like queen. and i like musics like hatsune miku or kikuo. my music taste varies a lot

also when i say i play video games, i play a lot but that doesn't mean i'm good at them🧍

thank u in advance!! love ur work💕

Sorry this took so long but I hope you like your matchups!

Your Haikyuu match is Kuroo

Kuroo is someone you can sit with for hours and not need to talk to

He loves to listen to you play music

His music taste is pretty erratic too so he is fully open to listening to whatever you recommend to him

Kuroo is one of the most open minded people you will ever meet, not to mention how relaxing it can be just to be around him

Will do anything to ensure you're comfortable, especially in unfamiliar situations

Your BSD match is Oda

Oda is a very calm person and is instinctively protective

He is definitely someone who knows how to deal with anxiety and anxiety attacks

He isn't very talkative so being able to sit and just relax with you is very important for him

He loves hearing you talk about the things you love, your music, whatever RPG you're playing, etc.

Will listen to you talk all day if you want

Your BNHA is Shinsou

Shinsou has a lot of experience with anxiety himself and definitely knows a lot of ways to help you cope

He is actually very encouraging and loves watching you do your hobbies or trying something new

You two would definitely adopt at least one cat together

Shinsou likes video games and is actually quite good at a select few of them and doesn't mind at all if your bad, you both can play together for hours

His love language is definitely quality time so spending as much time with you as he can is a must

We sound kinda similar so I might have given you my crushes on accident, I can redo it if you want!

[sunassweetie]

Already Gone.

Pairing: Suna x Osamu (Osasuna)

Word Count: 5.4k 

Genre: Pain haha :):

Disclaimer: Underage Smoking don't @ me 

Warning: I wrote this after I read the galaxy is endless. But also like major trigger warnings for a lot of various things, just know I didn't hold back. 

When Osamu was younger, he absolutely, and indefinitely, hated the idea of holding onto nothing. The idea that a person alone could hold themselves upright, and power through life on their own. Maybe it was because he had been surrounded by the welcoming arms of his family his entire life, hell the man shared a womb with his twin. There was never a time where Osamu had felt alone, and he couldn’t understand the want to ignore those who held their hands out to help. He couldn’t fathom not having a support system, or someone to help him get back up when he fell off the tracks. 

There was always someone there. Until of course there wasn’t, and only then did Osamu realize what he had meant when he said, “The world is unforgiving, you’ll always be alone even when you’re surrounded by millions of people.” 

-:-

Osamu met Suna in his first year at Inarizaki, shuffling into the lowest class, his twin in tow next to him as they moved down the corridor. He could hear people whisper, even through the speakers of his earbuds, unsure of whether or not he liked the attention him and Atsumu had been receiving the moment they stepped foot onto the school grounds. 

Are those the miya twins? 

They’re so attractive! 

I want to ask Osamu out! 

Do you think they are going to try out for the volleyball team? 

Duh, just look at them. 

Osamu could already feel an immense amount of pressure settling upon shoulders as he slipped into his designated classroom, leaving Atsumu’s side as different classes separated them. Idly walking down the aisles until his name tag placed on the corner of the desk seat number popped into his vision, cueing him to take a seat. 

It's uncomfortable, he thinks, I didn’t miss this. His notebook, that he didn’t really plan on using, took up space at his desk along with the small pouch that only contained two pens, a pencil, and extra lead. Leaning back in his chair, his hand fishes down into his pocket to pull out his phone, turning up the volume, as he checks the time. 

He has five minutes till class starts, not that he cared in the slightest. The only thing currently on Osamus mind besides his first high school volleyball practice (after guaranteeing a spot on the team months prior during his middle school scouting days) he was mostly worried about what seasonings he could add to his next onigiri batch. 

There's a loud thump next to him, his head craning to see the commotion. He’s only met with a lanky boy, shoulders broader than those Dorito chips he once saw his old school mate aran eating, and eyes slanted in a bored glare. His earbuds dangle from the neck hole of his shirt, but his large hands quickly come to pull the buds into his ears, leaning forward on the desk  and putting his arms out in front of him to use as a pillow against the hard wood of the tables. Osamu couldn’t describe the way the boy rendered him speechless, eyes staring into the boy wondrously.  

“Do you need something,” The boy says to him, pulling him from his daze, blinking twice as both boys stare at each other. 

“Sorry,” Osamu fumbles, turning forwards in his chair. 

-:-

“So these are the new first years?” The coach says next to a second year whos hair falls in front of their faces, amber eyes weaving in between each of the younger boys lined against the court. 

“There's one missing.” His voice is automatic, cool even to hear. 

 Osamu isn’t paying attention to the talk, his mind blankly staring at the nets, wondering what type of position would he be most effective in. Perhaps Atsumu would play as setter, and he could work alongside his brother, the only harmony that was ever brought into their never ending sibling rivalry. 

“Your late first year,” The coach booms as someone stumbles into the gym. This catches Osamus thoughts, his eyes following the commotion as someone goes to stand next to Atsumu. 

“Sorry, a teacher held me back.” 

“On the first day?”

“I fell asleep during announcements.” 

He falls silent as the coach goes on, explaining how the team would work and what was going to be on the agenda for the upcoming scrimmage game they were suppose to be playing against another school. But Osamu finds it hard to concentrate, looking between the tall brunette and the court. 

-:- 

He couldn’t pinpoint the moment he knew, it wasn’t something he had ever realized before in his life, until the confusion of his emotions finally made him realize it. Over the year, he hadn’t just grown close to Suna as you would expect of friends. No, it was much more to Osamu then he would ever admit to Suna. 

The way his heart would beat out of his chest, or the slight sheen of sweat that would slip across his hands when he spoke to the other boy. Sometimes he hated the way he felt, wishing he could return to simpler times, when all he had to worry about was volleyball, and the next snide remark he’d throw Atsumu’s way. 

He wondered endlessly if Suna ever picked up on those miniscule hints he’d leave. Like when the team would go out for ramen after a tournament went right, and he’d always take the seat next to Suna. The same applies when traveling distances, it was an unspoken agreement that Suna and Osamu would always be paired together in the bus seats. Those little gestures when Osamu would pick a pack of Chuupets to hand to Suna at the most random times, “Saw ‘em when I was grabbing some stuff for the onigiris ‘m makin’.” Possibly when Suna forgot his team jacket on cold days, Osamu would give him his extra that made home in his locker specifically for this occasion to pop up. 

-:-

The first time that Osamu ever inhaled the hazy smoke into his lungs, he was sitting next to Suna. The dark sky towering over them, the pressure of nationals coming to cause a permanent crease in their brows. 

“Wanna hit,” He asks Osamu, as they swing back and forth in slow, repetitive motions on the empty playgrounds swings. 

“I’ve never smoked before,” Osamu admitted, somewhat shyly, embarrassed at his lack of experience in front of someone who he knew had been smoking for a while now. 

“It's up to you, no pressure,” Suna would say, taking another hit, the rolled joint limply dangling from his lips, smoke emitting from his mouth with each inhale and exhale. Osamu wants to, he wants to know the high that Suna had adored so much, the pleasure that Suna would succumb to with each passing moment.

“Teach me,” He was scared he sounded desperate, or enthusiastic. He tried his best to act as if it didn’t bother him, attempting to keep a cool façade in front of Suna. Suna looks at him with a smirk, eyes slanted and red as he hands the drug to Osamu. When Suna slips him the joint, their fingers brush by slowly, lingering momentarily. It takes a few tries for Osamu to stop coughing when he takes a hit, Suna laughing each time until he gets it. 

Osamu gets it now, the feeling Suna chases each time he comes to smoke under the stars, “Does it always feel this good?” 

“Most of the time, sometimes you might have a bad trip,” He says. 

Osamu looks at Suna, wondering when they hand ended up lying in the grass together, at the most a foot apart as they gazed up at the burning balls of fire littering the sky. He always has his earbuds in, and Osamu wonders what is always playing through them, what music accompanies the man in front of him. 

“What are ya listen’ to,” Osamu asks then. Suna looks at him, and without a word, is taking the other earbud and handing it to Osamu.

Cigarettes after Sex. 

He had been listening to Cigarettes after Sex. 

-:-  

At the beginning of their third year, Osamu caught Suna in the halls, long after the bells had dismissed everyone to return home, leaving the building empty of all noise, minus the creaks the old building would create every once in a while. 

He had been kept back by his teacher, insisting to go through his bag as he, as the teacher explained, “Reeked of weed.” However Osamu mentally praised himself for leaving his stuff at home and blaming the smell on a convenience store he had been in, addressing the owner who had been smoking that morning. Of course this was a lie, but the teacher was stupid enough to believe the pitiful lie, sending Osamu on his way out. 

He was propped against the wall, head tilted upright as he crossed his arms over his body. He looked peaceful there, with his earbuds more than likely playing some form of arctic monkeys or pearl jam. Maybe he was listening to the 1975 this time, or U2, it could have been any of them. The sunlight bounced against his complexion, soaking him in a warm bath of melanin. His hair had been slightly tousled, more than likely the job of himself constantly running his hands through his hair. 

“What are ya still doing’ here,” Osamu asked him when he had finally approached him after ogling at him for a moment down the hall. 

“I heard you got called back, figured I wait around to go to practice with you.” Suna says as if it were nothing at all. Osamu would never admit it, but it meant more to him then words would even be able to begin to describe. 

“Ya coulda gon’ to practice,” Osamu mumbles, walking in sync with Suna now. 

“Got me out of warm up laps anyways.” His words are mysterious, not that getting out of warm up laps wasn’t a common occurrence for Suna, but to wait for Osamu, it just wasn’t typical of Suna. 

It surprised Osamu even more, when the next week after finishing a test late he found Suna waiting for him in the corridor, and every time after that. 

 -:-

“Do you ever think about what's going to happen when we graduate?” Suna asks quietly next to Osamu. They had been sitting at the skate park together, smoking accumulating between the two of them, as they talk quietly though they are the only ones here under the dim lights scattered around. 

“We graduate in a week and you want to start pondering what's going to happen in life?” Osamu laughs, taking another hit, lying against the cold cement. Suna doesn't say anything, staring directly in front of him. Osamu wonders what's going on inside of his head right now, though he doesn’t feel like he has the right to know. 

“Yeah,” He hums, “ I guess you're right.” 

But his words have something hidden behind them, something that Osamu can’t describe, but it twinges a wave of fear through him. The words felt cold, distant. He wants to ask, he wants to ask so badly if he’s okay, if there's something he can do if he is not. But he bites his lip and he doesn’t ask. 

He knows Suna too well at this point from the countless nights spent smoking together, the morning practices and pairings in class. He’s been to his hand more time then you’d even be able to count. He knows every little thing, like when he starts complaining more than he normally does, it's because he’s running on an empty stomach. And if his hands start shaking, it's never because he’s cold or because he’s angry, it's because he hasn’t gotten his daily dose of caffeine, and when he goes silent, it's never because he's sad, it's simply because he has nothing left to say. He hates when people talk too much, and it irritates him when people start singing for no apparent reason other than to just sing. He loves chuupet, and volleyball, and alternative music, and smoking. And he doesn’t care about much of anything else. 

But right now, as his eyes hold back the emotions he’s suppressing within himself, Osamu can see right through it, he can see the pain lingering in his grey-yellow eyes. He knows Suna will lie to him, because Suna’s thoughts were Suna’s thoughts alone. 

-:-

Osamu hated the way that the feeling never changed. It never let up, it never ceased. It only grew until the roots had entangled so deeply he could feel it crawling into his lungs branching out in a painstakingly slow ache. Suffocating him like he was ten feet under, buried beneath the surface of platonic smiles and thoughtless gestures. 

Some days he wished he would just say it. Three words, thats all it would take to assimilate this stupid feeling he couldn’t control. Three, simple, little words that hefted the weight of the world. 

In ways, it made him angry. Why couldn’t he just say it, why couldn’t he just tell the boy how he had truly felt. It was a simple feeling, and when the rejection came it would bide Osamu the time to figure himself out, to learn how to breathe again. But maybe that was it, maybe the reason he feared telling him the hardened truth of his feelings is because he knew deep down the rejection would kill him. It would make him lose any ounce of control he had built up, it would make him see red. He had already been hanging by the shreds of thread, if he exploited himself in this way there was no going back, there was going to be no more midnight smoke sessions, no more trips to the convenience store after practice, no more movie nights, no more him. 

Osamu felt constricted by the material wrapped around his body, was it hot in here? It was just him, the pouring rain against the window fogging it with each burst of coldness proving it to just be him. With a sigh, he slips the material off of his body, and throws it to the other side of the room. He’ll pick it up later, he tells himself when it hits the wall with a thud and silently falls to the ground below. 

He knows he won’t though. The pile of laundry that had been piling for the last month tells him exactly that. 

-:-

It's sticky in here, Osamu thinks. 

Its stick, and its muddy, and its hollow. It's packed to the brim with people, it's loud and annoying and they won’t shut up over the obnoxious thumping of whatever trash was blaring through the speakers set up through the house. And it's lonely. He knows Kita and Aran are over in the corner, arguing over who is going to be the designated driver, and he sees Atsumu’s talking to some boy with a mask over his face, thought Osamu notes how the boy looks out of place and uncomfortable (he feels the way this boy looks, but he wouldn’t ever voice that outloud) and he sees Suna. 

He’s sprawled against the leather couch, there's two girls, one on each arm, stuck to him like pesky little leeches, taking hits from his joint with those agonizing high pitched laughs. They were fake, he could see it from a mile a way, and he was sure Suna could see the same, but Suna wasn’t going to complain, not when later he’d mingle his way upstairs with one, if not both of them. 

It hurt Osamu to even think about it, and now the kitchen counter seemed to be pressing into his back more evidently, more uncomfortable then it had been before. He moves quietly outside, ditching the red solo cup that had been placed in his left hand, somewhere now scattered with the array of cups lining the counter. 

His hands pressed into the rail against the outside patio overlooking the backyard. Not as many people were here this time, only the couple in the corner who resembled suction cups and the scattered druggies doing harsher things than Osamu would ever even think about trying. Osamu couldn’t explain what was happening to him right now. 

Why did that suffocating feeling seem deeper, rougher now. Why did it feel like everything was breaking down. He didn’t understand why water had been leaking from his eyes, or why his breathing had picked up in pace, or why the red bleeding feeling felt like it was going to overcome his entire being. He just wanted out, but he couldn’t move. Paralyzed into holding onto that rail, knuckles burning white as he leaned over the edge slightly, rocking back and forth on his heel. 

He just wanted it to stop. He just wanted to breathe again. 

“Osamu,” He can hear the voice, but he can't make it out. It's more like white noise, like that shitty music in the background, or those girls laughing in Suna’s lap just moments ago. 

“Osamu,” He hears it again, it's louder this time, but the panic begins to trickle deeper inside of him, the rocking becoming more violent. Shaking his body in waves of unstoppable tremors, more tears relentlessly streaming down his face. 

“Osamu, hey, listen to me,” There are more words this time. He can feel someone's hand on his shoulder, he could hear the fear in their voice, as he slips further and further down this rabbit hold he can't climb out of. The world shifts for a moment however, and he feels his body slipping, he can’t tell if he’s being moved, but he feels the tugging at his wrist. The voice is yelling again, the music is louder, and Osamu can’t remember how, but somehow, someway, when he snaps from his daze, from that suffocating world of constant agony, he’s in a dimly lit room. 

Suna’s in front of him, his eyes are wide, and he has each hand on Osamu’s shaking shoulders. Atsumu is behind him, nervously biting his lip with his arms crossed against his chest in a worried manner. Kita is at the door with a glass of water, and other members of the team are hanging on at the door frame. All eyes were on him, and it made him feel even more constricted than before. 

“Make them go away,” He whispers, pulling his legs to his body, only now realizing the fetal position he had taken accustomed to on the floor. 

“Everyone out,” Suna says while standing up, pushing even his twin out the door, grumbles and groans following suit, a ‘hes my brother i should make sure he’s okay’ and a ‘he doesn’t need you to see him like this right now, it will only make him feel worse now get out’ before the room goes silent with only the bass from below shaking the floors and Suna’s shuffling from the door back over to him. 

“Are you okay,” He quietly asks, unsure of how he can help Osamu right now. 

Osamu doesn’t know how to respond, so instead he stays silent, he stays so quiet for so long he hopes that Suna will eventually get bored and take his leave. But Suna never does, he never moves from the squatted position in front of Osamu, he never takes his hand away from Osamus shoulder, he never stops the little circles he rubbing into the top of Osamu’s shoulder. 

It only hurts Osamu more, because it only makes him realize how much more in love with Suna he truly is. 

-:- 

“We did it.” Suna mumbles, kicking his feet against the wood chips surrounding the child's swing set him and Osamu had been sitting at. The sun had long since fallen, and the breeze picked up in their black graduation robes, the suits underneath the flimsy fabric enough to keep them warm. It had only been a few hours since they had been taking a plethora of pictures with family, walking across that damned stage and shaking hands with a principle they had only met enough to count on one hand alone. 

“I guess we did,” Osamu mumbles. He thinks back to only a week ago, back at the skatepark, the smoke, the atmosphere, the words that had left sunas lips that night. “Do you ever think about what's going to happen when we graduate?” 

Its only now Osamu truly understands what Suna was getting at. With one foot out the door they had their entire lives ahead of them now, bracing for impact for the true glories and misfortunes life had to offer them.

“I’m not gonna pursue Volleyball in college,” Osamu blurts, speaking softly as he watches the star twinkle in the sky. He had been thinking long and hard about this decision, fearing what the consequences may be of quitting a sport, he not only loved, but was good at. He can feel Suna’s head turn toward him. 

“Really?” 

Osamu stays quiet for a moment, “I love volleyball, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t think I like it as much as ‘tsumu does, and it just doesn’t feel like my calling.” 

“What feels like your calling then?” Suna is quiet. 

“Not sure yet, but I do love food. Maybe I’ll travel, learn different food cuisines, or I’ll start my own shop, who knows where life will take me.” 

Suna goes quiet, his eyes trained down into his laps as each finger picks at the other, his chunky silver rings twirling and twisting with each fumble, “What if life won’t take you anywhere.” 

It was Osamu’s turn to snap his head in the direction of the brunette, curiosity laced in his emotions. Suna won’t look up at him, instead focusing still on his rings, playing with them gently, in particular the snake slithering up his middle finger, whose emerald eyes glare up at him.

“What do ya mean by that.” 

“What if...what if life doesn’t have anything planned for you, what if you're just there to take up space.” 

“Everyone is here fer a reason Suna. Everyone has a purpose, a cause, an effect. One day, yer gonna find yer life heading in directions ya love, and directions ya hate. But there’s always gonna to be a path waiting for ya, there’s always gonna to be somebody there too, to keep ya standing, to keep ya breathing,” Osamu was sure these were the wisest words to ever push past his lips. 

Sunas eyes bore into his now, they’re still on the swings, not even the gusts of wind can move them at this moment. Suna breathes out for a moment before taking off his snake ring, and gently opens up Osamu’s fingers before placing it in his hand. 

“The world is unforgiving, you’ll always be alone even when you’re surrounded by millions of people.” 

-:- 

It was exactly 2:46 am when Osamu had been disrupted from his sleep, pulled out of bed by the crying sounds of his phone, blaring out that ringtone he wished he could just smash at the wall. 

It was exactly 2:46 am when he heard Suna’s shaky heavy breath on the other line. 

It was exactly 2:47 am when he was running out the door, his shoes half on, his keys in one hand, his brother yelling from down the hall. 

It was 2:59 am by the time he had reached Suna’s front door, smashing through it at the speed of light. 

It was 3:00 Am by the time Osamu found him, mopped up by his own saliva, foam trickling from his mouth, his body convulsing in panic rages surrounded by pools of blood seeping from his wrists and pills sprawled across the floor. 

-:- 

Osamu hated hospitals. He hated the smell of antiseptics that flowed down each hall, and the way people walked in almost pure silence. He hated the way he would see people crumble on their knees the moment the doctor came out with that look on his face. He hated that hospitals go be the center of positivity and the bane of someone's worst nightmare at the same time. 

“How did we not know he wer’ gonna do something’ like this,” He hears from next to him, and with the lull of his head and the most deadpan expression Osamu mutters, “Shut up ‘tsumu.” 

And the silence overtakes them, and the entire waiting room is filled with people. So many people Osamu knew from school, and others from when he’d go over to Suna’s house after school. The hardest, perhaps in Osamus opinion, was Suna’s little sister. Her hair was in two separate braids, flicked up in different directions as her eyes were puffed out in an angry red color, glossed over by the tears that had long ago stopped falling. She hadn’t released her bottom lip from the grip her teeth had on it, her hands moving in her lap, similar to the way Suna’s had once fumbled. 

It chokes Osamu, suffocating him, but this time it's not because of the emotions he felt towards Suna. This time it was at the numbness that began to over encumber him leaving him void of any expression. 

-:- 

He couldn’t leave the chair at Suna’s beside when no one else was in the room, he always held his hand too then, even if the wires got in the way of him holding his brittle cold hands. The snake wrapped around his index finger now, curled up against the pale flesh Suna had silently offered to him. 

He was afraid he wasn’t going to wake up. Osamu knew this situation too well, he knew he would drown in this. It was his fault, wasn’t it. He should have picked up on the cues that night, he should have picked up on the cues the week before, or the months before that. He should have known when it started, instead, he was selfish. Instead he only focused on himself, on the feelings he tried to hide from the male next to him. If only he admitted his feelings, if only he had seen the bigger picture, maybe he would have seen Suna. 

Osamu hadn’t cried yet, though he had probably been the closest to Suna, he hadn’t let a tear slip yet, afraid that if he were too, then he would never stop. He brings Suna’s limp hand to his lips, leaving his lips to gently lay a kiss at the spot where Suna’s thumb and index finger were conjoined. 

“Come back to me Suna, I have something to tell you.” 

-:- 

He never missed a day, every single morning he embedded it into his routine to check in on Suna during the following months. He was always still breathing, but never awake. His heart always pumping, but his brain shut off. 

He just wanted Suna to wake up, to hold his hand instead of the other way around, he wanted Suna to know the truth, he wanted to hold him, and this time he would never let him slip. It was a promise Osamu always wanted to make to him. 

“I’ll be back later tonight, you’re mom asked me to drop some things off at your house for her, don’t wait up,” he tries to joke, but it doesn’t ease the feeling inside of him. He looks at the motionless body, his eyes were trained on his lips. Osamu had always wondered what they felt like, but he was sure between the stone cold air of the hospital and the lack of vanilla Chapstick Osamu always saw peeking out of Suna’s bag, that right now his lips would feel bitterly chapped.

It doesn’t stop him from leaning in, to place his own against Suna, just slightly away from his lip however, and onto the silky smooth skin that lie at Suna’s cheek. 

He’d kiss him for real when he woke up. 

-:-

“The key is under the mat, Osamu thank you so much for doing this, I just...I can’t go into his room right now, I haven’t been able to for months,” Suna’s mothers voice was strained, cutting in and out from the sobs she was trying her best to hold back. 

“It’s okay Mrs. Rintarou, I’m glad to help.” 

And the line goes dead as Osamu hangs up with a simple click to the red button as his hand slips under the welcome mat to find the spare key awaiting him. He pushes the key in and the stagnant air hits him like a brick as he steps through the doorway, discarding his shoes at the front entryway. He looks down the hall, his memories flashing back to that moment, as if it were all in slow motion, like it had been happening all over again. 

Osamu shakes his head as he slowly steps down the hall, making a left before the sealed off bathroom, and walking into the room he hoped he’d never have to step into again. If he thought the front door had been a pile of bricks, then his room had to be the cement burning him into the earth. 

“Dude shut up, it was one time.” Suna laughs, throwing pieces of the popcorn from the round bowl in his arms at Osamu. 

“Oh yeah, just once,” He mimics in a sarcastic tone, throwing the popcorn back at Suna. Suna rolls his eyes and goes back to scrolling aimlessly at his phone. Osamu was lying stomach down on the floor, and angled that if Suna looked over, he would absolutely see the younger miya twin staring up at him, but how could he not when the sun was glowing so effortlessly against the boys skin. 

He could trace every curve along Suna’s defined face in this lighting, burning this image of him into the back of his skull. 

Osamu blinks, reality setting in around him that he now stood in the room alone, the basket of clothes Suna had arrived at the hospital now lying in the plastic bag, taking up needless space inside of his hospital room.  He just needed to set it in the corner and leave, that was his only job, nothing more, nothing less. 

But Osamu’s eyes flicker too far to the right, and an envelope neatly placed in the center of Suna’s desk fills his vision. He knows what it is, that's obvious enough from the placement of the paper. When his legs wander to the table, he wishes he had just turned on his heel and left right then. But when his vision is evoked with the letting of Suna’s familiar scribble and his name adoring the empty space of the white canvas, Osamu loses his control to stay strong, and the first tear falls. The second when his hands unseal the back of the envelope, the third when he pulls the letter from the pouch, and the fourth when he reads 

Dear Osamu.

Its not your fault. 

And I love you too, even though I should have said it allowed. 

I love you so dearly.

I’ve lost my fight, but please don’t lose yours. 

Suna. 

He didn’t know when the showers from his eyes began as he collapsed down to the floor, holding the letter closely to his chest as he screams out. For the first time in months, he screams out the pain blocking him, the pain consuming him. 

He doesn’t even have the time to process this information, because that ringtone flares up again, just like it had done that night. 

“H-hello?” Osamu says as he picks up, unsure of the caller id, he couldn't care to look at this point. 

“He woke up Sumu. He’s awake.” 

And just like his legs carried him out of the house that night, he’s sprint full force to his car and sliding into the driver's seat, turning the key into the ignition and speeding down the road recklessly past the stop sign. 

He should have stopped. 

-:- 

“Where’s Osamu,” Suna croaks out, it's the first thing he’s said, the vision of Osamu bleakly pulling into his memory. 

“He’s on his way, he’ll be here any minute,” Suna’s mother says, with joyous tears in her eyes. 

-:- 

“Where’s Osamu.” 

“There was an accident.” 

-:- 

Suna was wrapped in the navy blue sweater Osamu had given to him, tightly secure in the knitted fabric as his white collar shirt peeked out from the bottom of it, contrasting against his dark jeans. His long legs were wrapped up to his chest, his head softly laying in between his knees. 

“It would have been easier if I couldn’t remember you,” he whispers, “You were like a drug you know. You were heaven to have, a high I’ll never get back now that you're gone.” 

He stares at the stone in the grass carefully watching the flowers he had set up hours ago sway with the wind, “We’d probably be smoking right now, except we’d be closer. Sometimes I imagine the way it would feel to have you laid across my lap.” 

Suna can feel the tears now, “I wish I never woke up, I wish I had gone that night, you’d still be here, and it should have gone the way it was supposed to.” 

He can almost hear his words in the back of his mind. Everyone has a purpose, a cause, an effect. He sniffles slightly as he brushes his finger past his nose with his sweater hanging past his fingers, “You would have told me otherwise...wouldn’t you Osamu.” 

[dansiere]

FIVE SONGS

list five songs associated with your muse and its meaning to them as a character, or to you as the writer. this can be applied in-character or out-of-character. it can go as deep as looking at the song’s real-world origins or meaning along with the themes it carries to the muses’ story, values, or experiences, or as simple as if your muse would listen to this kind of music, or even if you just listen to these pieces for inspiration.

TAGGED BY: @handspoken, who kinda hates me? Just kidding I love you okay. TAGGING: @rosiqe, @citialiin, @absolutia, @huntershowl, @blossomingbeelzebug, @foxcharmed, @noirtux, @hiskniight, @ndeavor, @kissafist, @ahsterism (muse of your choice!), @carvedbones, @enshijou & @ettards. -- steal it, honestly. It is a great meme.

01. Both Sides Now - Joni Mitchell Moons and Junes and ferries wheels, the dizzy dancing way that you feel as every fairy tale comes real. I've looked at love that way. 

I have probably talked about this song so often already but BOY where do I start? I was watching “Love Actually” & Both Sides Now started playing; it’s the scene where Karen (Emma Thompson) almost breaks down & cries while realizing that her relationship is a farce, that she has been foolish & blind & delusional. It continues with her doing her absolute best to calm herself down, to not collapse but function instead; she pretends she is fine, fearing that she might ruin her family’s Christmas party otherwise. It’s a raw, emotional scene unfolding itself while Joni sings about how she came to realize that everything has two sides; the very thing we dream off, aka we imagine / how we wish things are & the harsh reality. No song could ever express Pearl’s delusion with life & love [but also realizing one’s naivity] better than this one; the aspect of pretending that she is fine in order to not ruin her family’s lives with her agony fits excruciatingly well too. -- in fact, the stanza “I have looked at love from both sides now, from give and take & still somehow it’s love’s illusions that I recall. I really don’t know love at all” has been my blog description for months & I won’t change it any time soon. Additionally, this song is about growth & personal change sung with a certain candidness that words can’t really describe  -- this song single-handedly inspired me to create this blog, ngl.

02. Dernière Danse - Indila Oh my sweet torment, no point in fighting, you start again. I'm just a worthless being, without [her] I'm troubled. I wander around alone on the subway, a last dance: To forget my great misery. I want to get away, everything to start again.

Number two on my list is a bit of an oddity; it is the song that inspired me to change my URL & bottom header quote. I have always related this song to Pearl basically because it SOUNDS cheerful, has a more upbeat melody & seems positive enough on the outside; however, upon looking at the lyrics & understanding what the artist actually sings about you may or may not get chills. It’s literally a song about losing oneself, misery & the horrid feeling of loneliness after loss all wrapped up in some funky & cheery melody. It seems rather SURREAL at first & upon translating the lyrics you might believe Google is messing with you but... no. The cheery intro fools you, just how Pearl fools everyone in believing that she is a-okay. -- the song grows more & more serious / dramatic with the melody / beat becoming “heavier” over time. While still rather peppy, you can tell that something is wrong the second the background choir kicks in. -- needless to say, I consider the lyrics to be a reference to Pearl’s extreme directionlessness, her lack of purpose, severe lethargy & how she lost herself in her misery.

03. Dark Paradise - Lana Del Rey And there's no remedy for memory your face Is like a melody, it won't leave my head. Your soul is hunting me and telling me That everything is fine, but I wish I was dead.

At first, I wanted to use this meme as an excuse to gush on & on about It’s Over, isn't it? but then I remembered that Dark Paradise is a thing. Lana Del Rey simply had to be on here due to her habit of utterly & completely romanticizing tragic romance & death to an almost unhealthy degree. Pearl is guilty of the same issue. -- glorifying things you should absolutely not glorify. Dark Paradise deals with the loss of true love & the trauma that follows; not being able to move on, not being able to let go, blind devotion, stuck in the same grief, the same melancholy, the same subtle craving for death (through drowning). It’s haunting really, but these are topics that not only fit Pearl aesthetically but also motif wise. The largest part of her season 1 - 3 arc dealt with her grief over losing Rose & her inability to overcome her trauma in that regard. Dark Paradise strikes that nerve & expresses that despair rather accurately. 

04. Blinding - Florence and the Machine And I could hear the thunder and see the lightning crack All around the world was waking, I never could go back Cause all the walls of dreaming, they were torn wide open And finally it seemed that the spell was broken.

I wanted to add a song that might describe Pearl’s mentality more; something from Sleeping At Last, Aurora or Sia maybe, but given how I have been gushing about Florence & the Machine lately, I felt like I had to include them because of their extreme Pearl-esque aesthetic alone. Blinding is massive. It shakes you to the core & drags you along, whenever you want it or not. Its heavy percussion & lyrics, the REALIZATION hit you like a truck; I have always associated this song with the moment Pearl realizes who she is. May it be before the war or after "Now We Are Only Falling Apart". It has a revolutionary feeling to it: she wakes up from her Homeworld induced trance & breaks her conditioning, she wakes up from her lethargy & takes a stand for herself. It works either way, really. 

05. The Fantasy - 30 Seconds to Mars Do you live, do you die, do you bleed for the fantasy? In your mind, through your eyes, do you see? It's the fantasy Maybe, tonight we can forget about it all: it could be, just, like heaven. I am a machine: no longer living, just a shell of what I dreamed.

I needed a renegade song; something fast & aggressive; this one had the perfect vibe. The Fantasy it is loud, emotional, gritty & chaotic; it’s fast-paced, it’s desperate. It opposes all Past Pearl is supposed to stand for. It builds up, it swells, grows more & more apoplectic over time. -- “Dying for the fantasy” is another big motif on this blog; in fact, her dream / fantasy controls most of her early life to the point where it becomes an obsession. -- this song embodies the very compulsive drive she had, once. Reaching for a Golden Future that eventually turns out to be “just a shell of what she dreamt”; the fairytale that almost cost her her life in the end.

06. Honourable Mentions songs I need to list somewhere or I will burst.

Running Up that Hill - Kate Bush, Eight & Three - Sleeping At Last, Falling Infinite & Strangelove - Black Math, Everything I wanted - Billie Eilish, Send in the Clowns - Barbra Streisand, Bird Set Free - Sia, God is a Woman (cover) & Infections of a Different Kind - Aurora, Love is a Battlefield - Pat Benata,  Beautiful Lie - 30 Seconds to Mars, Love Lockdown (Cover) & Pork Soda - Glass Animals,  One Match & Romeo - Until the Ribbon Breaks, Over the Love & Hardest of Hearts - Florence & the Machine, Beautiful Crime - Tamer, Truth Is a Beautiful Thing - London Grammar, Diary of Jane - Breaking Benjamin, Do I Wanna Know? - Arctic Monkeys, Far too Young to Die - Panic!At the Disco, Cut the Cord - Shinedown, The War - SYML  & Reborn - Talos.

[fen--harel]

50 Interesting OC Asks

TW: Kal & Victor are just terrible so things they say might be disturbing

1. What is a rumor people tell about them? 

For Asiel and Alaina it’s definitely how many people they slept with or who they slept with. For Erasmus it’s that he’s a virgin. They’re wrong but they’re also not wrong. I think Stephane would have weird rumors ?? Where people assume scary things about him like he has a sex slave dungeon or something or that he’s so immune to all types of drugs that nothing can get him high anymore and that’s why he’s a fucking savage. But in reality Stephane sits in his room and eats ice cream. 

2. How long would they last in the zombie apocalypse? 

If there was no one watching Alaina - not long. I think she would be able to sneak by but that could only last for so long. Erasmus would be fucking dead in an instant if there was no one. Asiel, Stephane, Eskandar, and Ruben are def the top contenders. Kal too !! VICTOR WOULD WANT TO FUCK THE ZOMBIES AND I AM UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THAT THOUGHT. 

 3. If they’re about to get in a fight, what song plays in their head as their ‘hype song’? 

Alaina: 7/11 - Beyonce (I love to think this is both hers and Asiel’s hype song and when this comes on they dance like a bunch of dumbasses)

Stephane: Don’t Stop - Innerpartysystem

Asiel: Everybody - Don Broco OR War Child - Hollywood Undead

Ruben: Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand 

Kal: Backmask - Mindless Self Indulgence (GOD THIS SONG IS JUST HIM)

Cesaire: I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor - Arctic Monkeys

4. How important is family to them? 

To Alaina it’s important but it’s more like...the whole idea of family ? Since she doesn’t have her own ? Like she considers the Demonios her family so they are important to her. For Stephane he didn’t give a single FUCK about family until he and Alaina had theirs, but before he despised the whole idea of family and thought it was fake. The same thing for Asiel. For Cesaire I feel like family would be a difficult and uncomfortable topic. He hated his dad and was basically forced to hate his twin brother but he got the better end of it ? I think he would be confused on what like...constitutes a good family. 

5. If they had a theme song, what would it be? 

Letha: Stripper by Sohodolls & Future Nostalgia - Dua Lipa

Ophelia: Portrait of a Female by Cruel Youth & Violence by Grimes 

Kal: House of Wolves by My Chemical Romance

Victor: The Dismemberment Song by Blue Kid (THIS IS MY ABSOLUTE FAV)

6. What’s a movie they can quote from start to finish? 

Asiel can quote dumb humor movies like Idiocracy or something and Letha can also...quote those.

Asiel: Please speak your name!

Letha: Well, i’m not sure that-

Asiel: You have entered the name, NOT SURE. Is NOT SURE correct ?

Letha: No it’s not correct-

Asiel: Thank you! NOT is correct ! Is SURE correct?

Letha: No, it’s not-

Asiel: We already confirmed your first name is NOT 

8. If they were given 1000 acres of land with no strings attached, what would they do with it? 

ALAINA WOULD HAVE A FARM !!! SHE WOULD HAVE A FARM AND SHE WOULD BE SOOOO HAPPY !! And Stephane would join her and he would’t really do anything except cheer his wife on and Alaina accepts that 

13. How did they find out Santa isn’t real?

Erasmus: Well, I was around eight or so. I thought the idea of Santa, this magical person who appeared from our chimneys who ate our cookies and delivered our gifts was absolutely absurd. There is about 7.5 billion people in the world and you expect me to believe this single man could visit all the children in a single night and do all of that? No. Impossible. I confronted my parents and they finally told me it was them.

Alaina, Asiel, Stephane, Eskandar, Kal, Letha, LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE WHO DIDN’T EVEN HAVE A CHILDHOOD @ ERASMUS: .....

14. What’s a personality trait they wish they had? 

Alaina wishes she was smarter.

Asiel wishes he was able to feel empathy. 

Erasmus (secretly and in denial) wishes he was funny. 

16. If they were arrested with no explanation, what would their friends and family think they had done? 

Alaina: Asiel got arrested ?! I told him he wasn’t allowed in that donut shop anymore !!! :’(

Asiel: Lanes is in jail ??? GOOD FOR HER !! Finally someone punched her ‘jail card’. So what was it for? Public intoxication or indecency?

Erasmus: I told Letha nudes weren’t allowed on twitter !!!!

Ophelia: Kal ?? In jail ?? You’re fucking with me. Kal never gets caught. You’re just trying to trick me into leaving so he’d be able to go “SURPRISE!” and break my other leg.

17. In 40 years, what will they be the most nostalgic about? 

Victor: Do you remember the night we all went to the strip club together? And I saw that beautiful girl, with the smoothest skin. Candi, I believe her name was, with an ‘i’. Her body was almost perfectly preserved without the help of my chemicals for almost a week! A week with that smooth skin underneath my fingertips. I wanted to cut them off after, afraid that if I didn’t nothing was ever going to feel as good underneath my skin like that ever again. She looked just like she was before I killed her. It was the best sex I've ever had, what I would give to relive that week.

Ophelia:  😟

Kal: *Zzzzzzz* 

18. How would they describe their family? 

Kal would describe his family as “boring” which would be the reason why he killed them 

I’d like to imagine that Victor’s famiy died in a v traumatic way ? Where he had to see their corpses or something which was why he turned out the way he is - so fascinated with the dead but i’ll get back to that later 

I’m kind of torn on how Asiel would react to questions about his family, since he resents them so much I don’t think he would outwardly express that because that’s Asiel’s thing, you can’t find out WHY he hates the world but I feel like he’d be too upset to lie about it so he would dodge the question but in a v sneaky way so you wouldn’t see he was bothered by the question 

20. Do they have any pets? If so, what are they? 

ALAINA HAS TWO (2) PETS !! A German Shepherd named Orpheus and a Green Anaconda named No Feet or Nofie for short

23. What’s the most important object they own? 

I’d like to think that somewhere Stephane has a picture of his family (with Ciro’s face cut out) and he even couldn’t bring himself to cut Cesaire out and he occasionally looks over it fondly when he’s feeling a certain type of way \

I feel like Asiel would have something from Natalie, his sister (I should ?? Change her name LOL) that reminds him of her, lately I have been thinking of killing her off LOL to increase Asiel’s angst and bitterness towards the world so an item that would remind him of her would be so so important to him 

24. What event in their life would make a good movie? 

EVERYONE’S LIFE IS A FUCKING MOVIE THEY’RE ALL IN THE MAFIA 

27. What makes a person beautiful to them? 

Alaina thinks everyone is beautiful in their own way and they have certain specific things about them that makes them beautiful 

Stephane would find genuine kindness beautiful, just being kind not for any other reason than you genuine want to help and you genuinely care (tbh just Alaina in generally, if you’re anything like her you’re all set) 

Erasmus is the same way with genuine kindness, but I feel like he’s moreso people being happy ? Because he’s kind of sad and grumpy and seeing people being happy and enjoying their life he finds very attractive (NOT ASIEL ENJOYING HIS LIFE THOUGH) 

Victor thinks people going into rigor mortis is beautiful so...there’s...that 

Asiel would also be attractive to genuineness but not kindness specifically, just people actually being themselves and not afraid of being themselves - but also Asiel finds everyone hot ?? so 

I think Kal is incapable of finding people beautiful or attractive because he’s so fucking egotistical but I think what would peak his interest is people who are interesting - like if you can make him think you’re worth keeping alive he might fuck you or smthing or at least not kill you so that’s a plus 

28. If they turned into their crush/significant other for a day, what would they do? 

ALAINA WOULD BE SO EXCITED TO BE STEPHANE FOR SOME REASON like I feel like she’d take it as an opportunity to understand him better and she would just be excited to view the world from his “tall perspective” 

Stephane would flip the fuck out for the first solid five minutes but then use the opportunity to take more pictures of Alaina in outfits or underwear he’d always want her to wear (with her permission ofc) god and I feel like he would love the opportunity to be mean to people while in her body just to see people’s faces of Alaina cussing them out but then he knew she’d cry so he would refrain from doing that 

36. Do they believe things happen for a reason? 

CESAIRE BELIEVES IN FATE SO FUCKING MUCH like he believes in zodiac signs and things that are written in the stars, if something is meant to happen then it would have happened is definitely his motto but he would definitely work hard to make things happen as well 

42. Do they drink/smoke/do drugs? 

Alaina is an alcoholic in Arc 1 because she believes that since her life is better now she shouldn’t be feeling sad and thinking that she has problems because her life could be so much worse so she drinks to “cope” with her problems and eventually Etienne gets her into drugs as well but after she breaks up with Etienne, Asiel helps her become sober 

Asiel used to drink and do drugs like in an excessive amount but when he ODed and scared Natalie by almost dying he quit that 

Stephane, Kal, Ruben, and Eskandar smoke but it’s all casual 

46. What is something silly they’ve been tricked into believing? 

Alaina would believe anything you tell her from fucking anyone she’s so fucking dumb and I love her so fucking much for it she’s so cute 

50. What topic could they give a 20 minute presentation on with no preparation?

Asiel: Anyways, and that’s why the Ninja Turtles are better than the Avengers, any questions ? 

Erasmus: THIS IS A PROFESSIONAL MEETING !!!!!!

[bi-bi-richie]

The Stars and the Moon, He Hung Them Just For You ( 2 / 15)

“Have any friends, Rich?” Eddie asked gently. He was resting his head on his hand that was supporting itself on his elbow.

“No…” Richie admitted trying not to sound ashamed of his answer. Eddie’s features softened, maybe with pity, but Richie wouldn’t know. Nobody ever feels bad for him, he doesn’t even know what that looks like.

“Consider me your first, okay?”

Eddie… wants to be my friend?

Playlist - Ao3

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12

“Where are you from, Richie?” Eddie asks with a polite tone, Richie assumes Eddie is only really being nice because it’s their first day.

“Uh… Maine.” Richie replied, purposely making his response dry of details. Derry wasn’t anything special anyway, slap on his past and it’s an even worse topic of discussion.

“Yeah? I lived in Maine for some time, Derry to be specific. My family moved when I had barely started my first year in high school.”

Oh. Shit, he lived in Derry once? A piece of Richie doesn’t believe it, he’s sure he would’ve met and remembered Eddie, it’s a small town after all. Maybe they had met once, there wasn’t exactly a range of options when it came to putting a kid in school in Derry unless he was homeschooled.

“Oh, yeah I’ve… been to Derry. Didn’t like it very much.” That last part was barely above a whisper. He didn’t really mean to lie about his status in Derry, but his past wasn’t something he even comfortable thinking about anymore. Plus, what kind of first impression is that giving his new coworker? He’d actually like Eddie to think he’s normal.

“As far as I remember, Derry was terrible. Everyone had something they hated, apparently, they hated my family the entire time I lived there.” Eddie’s voice was a little off at the end, something Richie wasn’t sure of, confusion? Sadness? It wasn’t much like the polite tone he had in his voice before.

“Oh… uh, sorry.” Richie added, he wasn’t really sure how to respond, and he was deathly afraid of saying the wrong thing.

“Don’t be, I ended up living in New York for a long time. My family wanted me to attend college there but I kinda wanted a change of pace, I figured California would be… more accepting.”

Eddie’s expression was unreadable again for Richie. He wasn’t exactly sure what to make of that, what it might mean. Richie didn’t ask though, he didn’t even let himself linger on the thought for too long because he’s afraid of giving into what the back of his mind is screaming at him. He’s gotta keep his mind in check, that meant nothing. Being… that was dirty, and Richie couldn’t hope that Eddie was dirty, that’s wrong.

“Have any friends, Rich?” Eddie asked gently. He was resting his head on his hand that was supporting itself on his elbow.

“No…” Richie admitted trying not to sound ashamed of his answer. Eddie’s features softened, maybe with pity, but Richie wouldn’t know. Nobody ever feels bad for him, he doesn’t even know what that looks like.

“Consider me your first, okay?”

Eddie… wants to be my friend? 

He tenses up at the mere idea of it, but looking into Eddie’s eyes, seeing something he’s never seen before, he can’t say no.

“Okay.”

…

“What’s your favorite song, Rich?” Eddie asked. It was the next day, Richie and Eddie’s second shift in a job that Richie was slowly figuring out.

Of course, he wasn’t figuring out just the job.

Turns out, Eddie doesn’t have friends either. He met someone in his apartment complex named Ben, but that’s it. Richie was actually the only person he had spoken to the whole time he lived there, which, to be fair, was only two weeks. Still, Eddie, in Richie’s mind, could be friends with anyone he wants, Richie wonders why he would even consider choosing him. Probably because they’re coworkers, right?

“My favorite song… changes very easily.” Richie says slowly. Honestly, he really wants to avoid the question altogether, he doesn’t want to be judged for his music taste. Last time Richie told anyone his favorite song, he was called a fag, and that was before he came out.

“Yeah? Mine too. What’s your current favorite song?”

Richie scratched the back of his neck, Eddie was really leaving him no option, and there’s no way he could say no to someone at this point. He really had no excuse. Richie wonders if he’d be able to say no if he was a different person, but he doesn’t dwell on it for long, Eddie is waiting.

“I… really like the song Dreaming of You… by Cigarettes After Sex.” He stumbled on that last word, he kinda forgot the band name could be distasteful to some people. But Eddie didn’t notice, his face lit up instead.

“Wait really? My favorite song is Starry Eyes by Cigarettes After Sex!”

Oh. Oh! That’s not what Richie was expecting at all. He was expecting a weird look and awkward silence, that’s what he was used to. He was so shocked, he almost didn’t respond to Eddie.

“R-Really?” Richie squeaked out, “I… nobody really knows who they are.”

Eddie shrugs, his smile still bright and apparent on his face. “Well, sometimes that makes bonding over it a little more special.”

“We’re bonding?” Richie blurted out before he could stop himself. His face went a bright pink when he realized what he said, but once again, Eddie’s giggling directed his attention elsewhere.

“I guess we are.”

They both looked down with shy, content smiles, and fell into a comfortable silence. One of the first comfortable silences Richie had ever been in.

“So, Dreaming of You, huh?” Eddie said, still looking down. “Dreaming of anyone, Rich?”  

Richie didn’t respond right away. He thought for a second, he thought about his experiences with relationships. No crushes to his history, no friends to stick around, nobody to remember. Richie hadn’t been dreaming of anyone, but looking at Eddie, being friends with Eddie, Richie thinks that maybe that will all change.

“I’m kidding, Richie.” Eddie huffs out a laugh when Richie doesn’t respond, “you don’t need to answer.”

Richie sighs and nods his head, but the fear of him actually dreaming of Eddie floats in his mind.

…

Eddie came in the next day with a smile on his face and a skip in his step, it made Richie curious, but he scolded himself in his mind for even looking at Eddie. Eddie quickly got behind the cash register and dug into the backpack he brought every day to work and pulled out a few papers with words Richie couldn’t properly see. Richie wondered if Eddie had something on his mind, in the past few days they had been working together, Eddie always came in happily. But this was extra happy, something Richie hasn’t seen before.

“Hey, Rich,” Eddie said, calling Richie out of his own head.

“Sorry…” Richie mumbled, feeling a little ashamed that he wasn’t paying attention to Eddie. Shit, that was rude, wasn’t it? Come on, good friends don’t ignore their friends. Does he think I was ignoring him? Should I ask him? No wait, don’t do that, that’s stupid-

“Don’t apologize, you were in your own little world there,” Eddie said with a lopsided smile that made Richie feel… confused. He was never allowed to get away with that with people before, they’d call him stupid and rude, he’d be lucky if they only spared a glare in his direction.

“But anyway, I made this list last night for you.” Eddie handed over the papers he had in his bag. Richie took them slowly, not really sure what exactly was going on. When he looked over the words on the lined paper, he realized they were songs.

Blackout Control - Spendtime Palace

Fluorescent Adolescent - Arctic Monkeys

Boys Got to Go - BRONCHO

Honey - III Spector Lemon Boy - Cavetown

Void - The Neighborhood

The list goes on.

Richie looks up at Eddie with shock written all over his face. He’s heard some of these songs before, but knowing that Eddie made something for him, even if it’s just a list, it does something to him. Gives him hope.

“Thank you.” Richie breathes quietly, Eddie barely catches onto what he says. How genuine his words are caught Eddie a little off guard, he sounds like he’s never been given anything in his whole life. Richie doesn’t know, but that detail breaks his heart a little.

“You’re… You’re welcome.” Eddie says, and Richie hopes he knows that one list just made Richie’s whole year. He made Richie’s whole year.

…

“You ever been in a planetarium before?” Eddie asks. He’s looking behind him at the entrance to the planetarium with a bored expression. It’s late on a Friday night, normally the two would’ve gone home by then, like the people who can actually operate the planetarium. Unfortunately, the boss man (Stan) told the two that the museum was gonna be opened later due to some interview bullshit that the mayor would be doing. The actual boss wanted at least one person from every “station” to stay behind and redirect people to the interview in case they’d wander off and get lost. Richie thought it was bullshit, but he didn’t say anything. Eddie almost did, he’s like a firecracker in Richie’s eyes, ready to pop.

“No,” Richie shakes his head. He knows he wants to explain to Eddie that there were none in his hometown, but sharing details made a red light in his mind go off. Plus, he didn’t wanna say too much and bore Eddie.

Eddie nods his head and hums, “yeah me neither, wanna check it out?”

Richie’s jaw dropped and his voice was caught in his throat. Sneak in? Is this guy crazy?

“Awe, come on, Rich!” Eddie slightly whined, “nobody has even come back here! We’d be fine, trust me.”

Richie had never done anything rebellious before as a kid. When he was young, he was always cautious not to do something that would upset his mom, but he was torn between that option and not being called a “little bitch” by his peers. He’s still caught between that now, he doesn’t wanna get in trouble, but he couldn’t stand the thought of Eddie thinking he was a little bitch. He wanted Eddie to like him, he wanted Eddie to treat him like he has this whole time.

“O-Okay…” Richie says weakly, the nerves in his voice apparent, and it didn’t go over Eddie’s head. Eddie looked at him with stern, serious eyes, and then they soften.

“Rich, we don’t have to go in. I’m just bored but if it makes you uncomfortable, we don’t have to go in.”

No! He cries out in his mind, man up Tozier! You can do this.

“It’s… it’s okay. I’ll go,” Richie mumbles, his brows knit together like he’s trying to convince himself of his own words.

Eddie doesn’t move for a straight minute. His eyes study Richie’s expression and body language, not that Richie could tell, but Eddie was concerned. Hesitantly, Eddie nods his head. “Alright, Rich, but I shit you not if you get uncomfortable I’m yanking you out of there.”

Richie doesn’t answer him then. Instead, he thinks about why Eddie is so concerned about how he feels. He’s been wondering it ever since Eddie spoke to him, why would Eddie care so much about Richie? Is this what friends do? Richie knows that he cares about Eddie, and Eddie says they’re friends, so it must be what friends do. But still, Richie doesn’t feel like he deserves it, it’s kinda hard for him to go from everyone hating his guts to someone actually being nice to him.

“Come on, Richie,” Eddie wraps his hand gently around Richie’s wrist, making him flinch. Eddie notices too because he pulls his hand back. “It’ll be okay.”

It’ll be okay. Richie likes that, he’s not sure why, but it made him feel… safe.

“Okay.”

The inside of the planetarium was dark, almost pitch black. If it wasn’t for the flashlight on Eddie’s phone, they wouldn’t be able to see a thing. Eddie led the way inside, Richie trailed behind him trying to resist the urge to grab onto any part of Eddie. He didn’t wanna touch him in a romantic way really, he wanted to touch him because being in such a dark, unfamiliar place was scaring him, and Richie didn’t do so great when he was scared.

As they walked to the controls, Richie nearly slipped on his own shoelace, which freaked him out way more than he’d care to admit. Of course, he just had to let out a cry of fear, and Eddie just had to hear it.

“Shit, Rich you okay?” Eddie asked turning around and shining his flashlight on Richie, who looked like he had seen a ghost. He was trembling and biting his lip, if he said something like “oh no I’m okay,” he’d laugh in his own face, it’s clear he’s probably gonna cry.

Oh no, no, no. I can’t cry!

“Richie, let’s go back, this was stupid, I’m sorry.” Eddie grabbed his wrist again, gentler than the last time and easy to break out of. But Eddie doesn’t realize that his simple touch was enough for Richie to halt some of his worries, it made his trembling stop. Oh shit, but he’s still trying to get us out of here.

“Eddie…” Richie whimpered quietly, “I… I wanna do it. I can do it.”

Eddie turned around and watched his expression like he did before they decided to do this in the first place. Richie tried to ignore his own thoughts of my glasses definitely make my eyes bigger, he’s probably thinking it looks weird, or am I making the wrong expression? Do I still look scared shitless?

“You’re a brave one, huh Rich?” Eddie breathes out with a comforting smile.

“W-What?” Richie squeaks out.

Eddie giggled, “come on, I know where the controls are. We’re gonna see space tonight, Rich.”

Richie nodded, still completely confused by Eddie’s previous statement. Eddie walked over to the controls, still loosely holding Richie’s wrist. Richie followed him, as expected, but with less hesitation. He watches silently as Eddie reads over the labels above the switches, figuring out which one would actually turn on the stars without the sound that goes with it. After a minute or two, Richie stares directly at Eddie’s face, he can barely see it because of the lighting, but Richie’s fascinated. He’s so focused, yet excited about the situation, his tongue is slightly poking out the side of his mouth and one eyebrow is raised in confusion. Richie doesn’t even notice he figures out the switch until the bright light of the stars flashes brighter than the sun.

“Shit!” Eddie cries out with a laugh. Richie feels the same, but he doesn’t vocalize it. He won’t lie though, the shock was thrilling, even if the entire situation was terrifying.

“That was way brighter than I thought it was gonna be,” Eddie says with the laughter still apparent in his voice. Richie wishes he could be that carefree, but he tries not to think about it at that time. Instead, he focuses on the stars displayed above.

“I… I like it,” Richie admits, not entirely sure how to express himself.

“They look nicer here than they do in the city,” Eddie states. Richie thinks it’s ironic how stars displayed on the ceiling look better than they do from the ground outside, and he wishes he could say that, but he doesn’t. He thinks Eddie would laugh though.

The stars are beautiful, he’d admit that. The galaxy displayed above comes in so many different colors, Richie doesn’t think he can name them all. The stars litter across the “sky” like the freckles on his cheeks, he thinks they’re his favorite part. The constellations are outlined and labeled, at that moment, Richie realized just how many he had never seen before. The stars are his favorite, and then he looks down at Eddie, and he isn’t looking at any of the stars.

He’s looking at Richie.

“They, uh, reflect off your glasses,” Eddie says, adding a fake cough at the end. His cheeks are tinted red, it makes Richie wanna blush too.

“Oh,” Richie nods, not sure what to say.

“Yeah,” Eddie chuckles a little, “starry eyes, huh?”

Then Richie smiles, recalling how Eddie told him that was his favorite song. They don’t speak after that, they fall into a comfortable silence and watch the stars.

And little does Richie know, Eddie is still watching him, feeling something beautiful blossom in his chest.

[orangeoctopi7]

Polar Bear Swim

@stanuary Week 2! This one doesn’t follow the theme really, but... uh, Stan had to travel to California to visit the kids! Yes! Nailed it!

Behold! Vaguely implied Pines Family Headcanons!

This is based on one of my own family traditions, just replace California with southern Arizona.

“This sure beats spendin’ the holidays in the Arctic, eh?” Stanley grinned.

“The weather certainly is more pleasant here in California.” Stanford admitted.

“And you wanted to stay on the boat.”

“I did not!”

Even though it'd been barely over a month since they saw the kids over Thanksgiving weekend, the younger twins had insisted their Grunkles come back to visit for Hanukkah and Christmas. Ford had complained for all of five minutes about having to come back to civilization just as they were getting used to life on the sea.  He'd been kidding, of course, he was ecstatic for another excuse to see his wonderful niblings again, and more importantly that their parents didn't think the elder twins were too dangerous to be around the children. But Stan just wasn't going to let him live it down.

They weren't even halfway up the walkway when their playful argument was cut short. A pair of adolescent-shaped rockets shot out the door and charged right into the old men. Luckily the blow was softened by some very puffy coats.

“You're here!!” Mabel squealed, clinging onto Ford's arm like a monkey on a vine.

“So we are.” Ford agreed, not sure how else to respond.

“What's with the coats?” Stan asked incredulously, “It's like a million degrees out here!”

“It's 63 and breezey. That's cold.” Dipper defended.

“Heh, maybe in California.” Stan scoffed. “Y'know when Soos called me earlier he said they got another six inches of snow last night. And… how cold was it when we left Reykjavic?”

“3 Celcius.” Ford answered. “That's actually warmer than it's been in Gravity Falls, it's above freezing.”

“Yeah, well, it's been way below freezing on the Stan'owar II the last few weeks. What I'm tryin’ to say is, you two're wimps.”

Dipper and Mabel giggled fondly. Typical Stan.

“Well in that case, the Polar Bear Swim should be a cakewalk for you two.” A voice called from the door. The two sets of twins turned to see Shermie standing in the doorway, grinning conspiratorially.

“What's a Polar Bear Swim?” Ford asked, his curiosity piqued.

“It's this really fun family tradition we have!” Mabel explained eagerly, “on the coldest day of winter break, we fill up the swimming pool and the hot tub! You have to jump in the pool first and go all the way under, then you get to go in the hot tub!”

“Just a few seconds in the pool and then ya jump straight into a hot tub? Easy.” Stan said confidently.

“We didn't bring swimsuits.” Ford pointed out. “I mean, I do have our wetsuits for diving, because I wanted to watch pillow lava forming while we were in Iceland, but it's insulated and

that seems to defeat the purpose.”

“Don't worry, I've got some extras.” Shermie assured them, “ I think they'll fit. Might be a little tight on Stan, but…”

“Hey!” Stan grunted.

“That's not for another two days anyway, let's get inside and have dinner!” Dipper changed the subject impatiently. He was shivering despite his puffy coat.

They all headed inside for dinner, but that wasn't the last they heard of the Polar Bear Swim.

*Line break*

The next day Shermie's son, Micha, was filling up the pool, and the elder twins were helping by setting up the hot-tub. It wasn’t particularly large and was typically empty through the winter. But as small as the pool was, the hot tub was miniscule. It was just deep enough to come up to a grown man's neck if he crouched as he sat, and barely wide enough to cram three grown men into, if you ignored any need for personal space.

Stan scratched his head as he compared the size of the hot tub he'd just inflated with the pool set into Micha’s back yard.

“Uh, I'm not the math wiz here…” he started.

“Don't sell yourself short, Stanley.” Ford chided him, “You proved to be more than proficient in math when you rebuilt--”

“I'm tryin’ to make a point here, Poindexter.” Stan rolled his eyes. “I was sayin’, we got one big pool to fill with cold water, but just one little hot tub. No way all of us are gonna fit in there. I'm sure you an’ Debbs enjoy gettin’ intimate when it's just the two of you, but I don't think you wanna get squished in there with a couple of old geezers.”

Micha gave a short evil laugh. “Ahaha, that's the trick, isn't it? Limited space in the hot tub means you've got to be fast enough and smart enough to claim your space before it runs out. And if you're too late, what will you do? Force your way in and try to crowd the others out? Bargain? Lie? Or just give up and fall victim to the elements?”

“That sounds like a good way to start a family feud.” Ford said bemusedly.

“Well, I understand if you two don't want to participate.”

“Pch, are you kiddin’ me? After the freezing cold of the Arctic, this is nothin’.”

“Did you ever jump into the ocean though?” Micha asked, “Cold water and cold air are completely different animals.”

“No, we actively avoid that.” Ford said wryly. “Although, there was a time I jumped into a frozen river to save a drowning hinterlupe pup.”

“Oh yeah? Well I’ve had to cross a river in the middle of the winter to ditch the mafia tailing me, twice!”

“Yes, well, once I was on the run from bounty hunters and had to spend an hour submerged in hyperdrive collant.”

“Well one time I was smuggling canadian bacon across Lake Superior in the worst storm of the century…”

Micha could only watch with wide eyes as his uncles continued to one-up each other with more and more ludicrous stories of how they’d survived longer and in colder conditions. The worst part was, he couldn’t be sure what was an exaggeration and what was true. For all he knew, it could all be true! They were all so caught up in it, not one of them noticed Debbs had come out to the back yard to join them.

“Boys, boys, this isn’t a suffering contest.” She scolded them playfully. “It’s just a little bit of family fun!”

“Yeah, with a fight to the death over who gets the hot tub at the finish.” Stan grunted.

“Or you could just go take a hot shower afterwards, like a sane person.” Debbs suggested.

“Aha! But there are only two showers!” Micha grinned maniacally.

“Hon, stop messing with them.” She turned to the Stans, “He used to rile the kids up like this every year, but they’re old enough now they don’t scare like they used to.”

Ford gave small, sheepish smile. “I imagine there are a lot of things that don’t scare them anymore.”

“I’d say that’s a good thing.” She replied simply. “Now let’s get to work, it’s getting late and it’ll only get colder after dark.”

*Linebreak*

“Uuuuugh, I hate the waiting part!” Mabel complained. She was already in her swimsuit. “Let’s go jump in now!”

“Mabel, it’s barely past 11.” Dipper said. “Give the sun some time to warm up the water!”

“I thought the whole point of this was to jump in while it’s cold?” Stan asked.

“Well, yeah, but, within reason.” The boy responded.

“Well what difference is one hour gonna make when it’s cloudy?” Mabel replied, “It’s already as warm as the forecast says it’s gonna get. Besides, if I go now, I get dibs on the hot tub!” With that, she got up and ran for the door to the back yard.

“Wait! Mabel, no fair!” Her brother shouted after her, dashing into his room to change.

“And they’re off!” Micha announced cheekily, bolting for his own room. Debbs was not far behind him.

“Nobody jump in until I’ve got the camera!” Shermie shouted, “I want to test my new GoPro!”

“They take this pretty seriously, don’t they?” Ford commented. When he got no response, he turned to see Stan had already left. “Hey!”

“Every man for himself, Sixer!” the old con man yelled from the guest-room.

*Linebreak*

The elder twins got to the back yard just in time to see Mabel jump in with a shriek. She swam to the other end and resurfaced. “C’mon Dipper!” She called to her brother, who was sitting on the little diving board, testing the water with his toes. “You know it’s better to jump in and get it over with!”

Dipper suddenly stood and stared at the water for a few long seconds, took a deep breath, and jumped. He screamed like a banshee when his head came back up out of the water, and he quickly swam to meet his sister at the end of the pool.

“Ok, that was great, now let’s do it again with a shot from a different angle!” Shermie called.

“Grandpa!” The two complained at his teasing, getting out of the pool and running straight for the hot tub. They both sighed loudly once they were in.

Stan was climbing onto the little diving board when Micha suddenly burst out of the house and dashed to the pool, jumping over the side like a penguin hopping into the ocean.

“One of these days,” Debbs shook her head as she just walked down the pool steps and submerged herself, “you're gonna slip and hurt yourself. And as long as you're not hurt too badly, I'm gonna laugh.”

Back on top of the diving board, Stan had noticed something. “Hey Shermie, where's your swimsuit?”

“You're wearing it.” Shermie reminded him.

“Oh, so you expect us to jump into the pool in the middle of the winter, but you're gonna stay high and dry!?”

“Well, someone's got to document this!”

“Isn't that camera waterproof?”

“Yeah, dad's a little old for this thing. He hasn't done it in a few years.” Micha explained as he climbed out of the pool and into the hot tub.

“But we're sixteen years older than he is!” Ford protested.

“Well, legally, yes, but it's actually closer to six years what with the time--” Shermie muttered.

“You both seemed so eager to prove that you were tough enough to do it.” Micha smiled innocently.

“We are tough enough!!” Stan steamed. He turned to Ford, “Ladies first.”

Ford smirked “We'd both better go, then.”

Stan chuckled and punched his brother's arm. It was very tempting to push Ford in, but he could tell by the conspiratorial glint in his brother's eye, they both had their eyes on a bigger prize.

“Get in close so you can take a good video, Shermie. I wanna show generations to come we didn't wuss out.”

“Fine, fine.” Shermie agreed, taking a step closer to the diving board.

Standing atop the diving board, the elder twins could feel a chilly breeze they hadn't noticed on the ground. Stan hesitated. The diving board was higher up than it looked, and he knew this was going to be COLD. He could feel Ford hesistate too for a fraction of a second. The tiny rational part of his brain told him to get back inside and into some propper clothes.

Stan had never paid much attention to that part of his brain.

With a whoop, the two brothers sprang into the water, carefully aiming to splash as much as possible onto Shermie. A giant wave washed over the old camera man.

It was so cold that Stan didn't really think about his prank, or anything really, except for getting out of that pool! He'd known it was going to be cold, but it seemed no matter how many times he'd had to jump into cold water, his body was never going to get used to it. He almost didn’t have the presence of mind to remember what he was going to do. Almost.

Stan and Ford surfaced right next to the edge where Shermie was standing, still gasping and spluttering from the wave that had splashed him. He didn’t notice two pairs of hands grab him and pull him into the water until it was too late.

“Hahahah! How’s that for an action shot?” Stan asked triumphantly, his teeth chattering with cold.

“Guh-gonnna drown you j-j-j-jerks!” Shermie stammered, shivering and pulling himself out of the water.

“I can’t believe you actually fell for that!” Ford chuckled.

“You three must have emptied half the pool!” Dipper cheered.

Between the lack of glasses and the dripping water, Stan could barely see, so he followed the sound of the boy's voice and blundered into the hot tub, not caring if or who he sat on. Ford was not far behind him. Shermie at least stopped to make sure his camera was ok. It was.

“Ooookay, I think I'll join your mother in the shower.” Micha decided when the old men started to crowd him out.

“Eeeew!” Mabel and Dipper cringed.

They felt instantly better once they were in the hot tub. Nobody had been in the cold pool long enough to lower their core body temperature, so they all warmed up quite nicely. Stan wiped the water out of his eyes and took a look at Shermie, who looked like nothing so much as a wet cat.

“Grandpa, I think we can all agree that qualifies you for the hot tub.” Mabel told him.

Shermie's only reply was to climb in beside her.

“You're getting in with your clothes still on!?” Dipper asked in alarm.

“They're already soaked, and I not taking the time to peel them off.”

Mabel and Dipper gave up their spots for their Grandpa. They figured they'd had enough time to warm up.

“Wasn't that fun?” Mabel asked.

The three brothers shared a bemused look. Fun was not the word they'd use to describe it.

“Y'know, Shermie, maybe we are too old for this.” Stan admitted.

[hypereactive]

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? my best friend

2. Are you outgoing or shy? shy

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? my best friend

4. Are you easy to get along with? depends. i try to be, but im also REALLY picky/have strong opinions on a lot of stuff, and im autistic..

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? yeah

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? a caring one, who listens before judging

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? yeah

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? my best friend

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? sometimes

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? probably my best friend

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “o”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? uhm. I like A LOT of songs.

billie ellish- bury a friend and you should see me in a crown

rag’n’bone man - human

rebel - black pearl (hes a pirate)

Aladdin soundtrack - Prince Ali and one jump ahead

arctic monkeys - Do I wanna know?

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? rarely

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? yea

15. What good thing happened this summer? new job, in my field of study

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? yepp

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? probs at least simple life

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? only if I run into him getting coffee (he works there)

19. Do you like bubble baths? if im in the mood

20. Do you like your neighbors? one i do, one i absolutely dont, the rest i dont interact w

21. What are you bad habits? im REALLY picky, and can come off as ungrateful (if u can’t do it right id rather u just not do it. apparently its more common to think at least you got something/they tried.)

22. Where would you like to travel? Anywhere w the right people. Nowhere without.

23. Do you have trust issues? kinda. More like I understand people wont understand me or meet my needs adequately.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? morning coffee

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? my chin/teeth

26. What do you do when you wake up? if I have ResponsibilitesTM i get up and get coffee and leave the house in less than 20 min, otherwise i lay in bed on tumblr until i have to get up due to responsibilities or hunger.

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? im good w where its at tbh

28. Who are you most comfortable around? my best friend

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? yeah. 

30. Do you ever want to get married? yeah

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? lol yesss

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? none?

33. Spell your name with your chin. bdfuds

34. Do you play sports? What sports? not really. i like frisbee and longboarding if those count.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? no. I cant keep secrets.

37. What do you say during awkward silences? i usu dont. ill just go on my phone/leave/etc

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? my best friend. 

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? hot topic

40. What do you want to do after high school? lol im not in high school

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? depends on what they did and why, and if they want to grow as a person/make it right

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? im tired/overwhelmed/content/bored

43. Do you smile at strangers? if i lock eyes with them and they smiled, i might smile back, but im pretty good at Not Looking At People

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? ocean

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? ResponsibilitiesTM

46. What are you paranoid about? having a heart attack and no one being around to help me/not noticing until its too late

47. Have you ever been high? yea

48. Have you ever been drunk? yea

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? no

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? black

51. Ever wished you were someone else? no, but i have wished my parents were

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? my chin probs. idk i like myself

53. Favourite makeup brand? i dont wear makeup

54. Favourite store? this is a duplicate question.

55. Favourite blog? uhm.

56. Favourite colour? black/grey/light pink/raspberry/celery green

57. Favourite food? cheese, cheddar brats, spinach, chocolate chip cookies, milkshakes

58. Last thing you ate? rice w beef, spinach, egg and soy sauce

59. First thing you ate this morning? coffee and nutella

60. Ever won a competition? For what? I think so but i cant remember. Oh i think I won an anti-bullying poster competition once.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? lol nopee

62. Been arrested? For what? no

63. Ever been in love? few times now

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? uh. no. cuz i didnt even like the dude.

65. Are you hungry right now? no

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? i only have one real friend so I feel like thats unfair

67. Facebook or Twitter? tumblr.

68. Twitter or Tumblr? still tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now? lol no

70. Names of your bestfriends? no, bc hed not appreciate it

71. Craving something? What? not rn

72. What colour are your towels? grey or floral w pinks and blacks and oranges

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 3

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? yes, usu. 2

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? total? uh. 8?

75. Favourite animal? birbs prob.

76. What colour is your underwear? why?

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate, unless its ice cream. then vanilla

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? berry (any) or cheesecake (also any)

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? grey

80. What colour pants? a darker grey

81. Favourite tv show? uh. i like sherlock.

82. Favourite movie? deadpool probs. or pirates of the Caribbean. or Aladdin. or detective pikachu.

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? never seen either

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? never seen either

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? n/a

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? uhm. I cant remember. Probs the black and white one w the scar, or the starfish, or the sea gull

87. First person you talked to today? my sister

88. Last person you talked to today? my best friend

89. Name a person you hate? my past roommate

90. Name a person you love? my best friend

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? my past roommate and most recent ex

92. In a fight with someone? currently? no? ever? yes.

93. How many sweatpants do you have? 5

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? 6

95. Last movie you watched? i dont know

96. Favourite actress? i dunno

97. Favourite actor? i dunno

98. Do you tan a lot? no

99. Have any pets? no

100. How are you feeling? i dont know

101. Do you type fast? yeah

102. Do you regret anything from your past? yeah, but not overly

103. Can you spell well? i think so 

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? no

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? i dont think so, but i want to (w the right people)

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? yeah, oops

107. Have you ever been on a horse? yep

108. What should you be doing? cleaning my house

109. Is something irritating you right now? no

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? yea

111. Do you have trust issues? yea

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? my best friend

113. What was your childhood nickname? B. as in, just the letter

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yea

115. Do you play the Wii? no

116. Are you listening to music right now? yea

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? not usually

118. Do you like Chinese food? i think so

119. Favourite book? uhm. sherlock (the whole series). the uglies series (scott westerfield). the secret garden. Fahrenheit 451. 1984. 

120. Are you afraid of the dark? no, but sometimes im afraid theres something in it

121. Are you mean? no

122. Is cheating ever okay? no

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? if i want to

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? no

125. Do you believe in true love? im not sure i know what this means

126. Are you currently bored? no

127. What makes you happy? i dont know

128. Would you change your name? no

129. What your zodiac sign? gemini

130. Do you like subway? i cant eat there

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? lol weve been dating for a while now

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? my best friend

133. Favourite lyrics right now? uh. I dont know.

134. Can you count to one million? that would take a month, so no.

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? i dont know. probably that i couldnt go to work bc i was “throwing up from a migraine” when i hadnt thrown up (yet).

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? it varies

137. How tall are you? i think im like. 5′8″?

138. Curly or Straight hair? curly. but not consistent

139. Brunette or Blonde? i am a brunette

140. Summer or Winter? winter. i can always wear more clothes

141. Night or Day? night. its quiet and calm

142. Favourite month? august and october

143. Are you a vegetarian? no

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? yes.

145. Tea or Coffee? yes. depends on time of day/year/mood/etc

146. Was today a good day? i dont know

147. Mars or Snickers? mars

148. What’s your favourite quote? “if you cant explain it simply, you dont understand it well enough” -einstien is one of them. but there are more

149. Do you believe in ghosts? i dont know

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “aunt lillian’s footsteps became more distant, became whispers, were gone.”

@ramblebrambleamble i got bored and answered all of them

[inbielifi1980-blog]

Herald Callers can choose what animal they summon when you spontaneously casting Summon Monster. This means you cannot spontaneously cast your highest level summon and choose to summon numerous lower level ones, which is a big problem because that their whole shtick.Edit: It unclear if not being able to choose a specific animal is a bug for Summon Monster. However, I confirmed now that Herald Callers cannot choose to their spontaneously casted Summon Monster, only the ones that they memorized, in order to summon additional minions from a lower level list.Shadys54 4 points submitted 5 months agoHello, i am totaly stuck in the game, even if i load back it doesn help me much. For several months I have had this issue with gun sounds in that unlike what I see and hear in other videos, gunshots from different distances play a different sound and have reverb or echo. But for me, all that happens is that the volume is slightly reduced and it sounds like someone put a pillow on my speaker. This is severely affecting my gameplay and I sometimes think that there shooting happening closer than it actually is.. Wait until lighting strikes. That will give us about 8MN of force acting on the two wedge pieces. Since the tensile strength of steel is 500MPa. I made a few attempts at getting jobs or money out of it, but there was no follow through in any of it. I figured that if these magazines were using my life and image to make money from advertisers, they might as well give me some of it. Of course they didn lol. We produce too many PhDs for our economy to fill. "As the annual number of doctorates awarded in science nationwide has greatly outpaced the growth in the number of faculty jobs over the last 20 years, scientists like Dr. Dugan are finding that their postdoctoral years are stretching out for a discouragingly long time. Again, I not hating on Sun. The guy proven himself and I actually all for the original point of your OP. I wanted Arctic Monkeys to happen since Vol 1 ended, as I think it be the perfect payoff to Weiss quip in the finale ("I still don know what I think of you yet!"). I like to watch tourist faces when they have a "what the fuck has happened to America" moment on the way to Universal or the shit show of Hollywood. Their reactions when the smell hits them 강릉출장샵 is priceless.For all that, it 강릉출장샵 still better than driving.jeajello 3 points submitted 11 days agoIt not just that stupid Mercedes he keeps whining about. If anyone was an avid Radio Bam listener 10 years ago like I was, ALL Novak did while he was living with Bam was steal. I'm so freaking sick of Stephanie Nicole whining about YouTube changing things and hurting her channel. Supposedly people have told her they didn't get a notice but people can lie or are stupid. She made an hour long boring ass video about sunscreen and no one watched it but she's mad because she's spent months researching it. I really don't understand your comment on that front. No product preforms the same, riding a bike is easy maybe but if the bike has half a chain, is missing a wheel and the other ones punctured sold as complete and brand new, why would you buy it instead of a easy to buy easy to use, get what you're expecting one?I literally never said I disagreed? Eyeshadow shouldn't be hard and that's the point. The fact that people are having a hard time with this one is the problem.

[benjaminjamestaylor]

My Top 10 Albums of 2018

If you know me well, you know I do this every year. It’s not in the hope that people will read it; more a sort of time capsule that I can look back on in the future and fondly remember the music that soundtracked my year. Some years, there’s a clear and obvious number one (Kendrick Lamar’s To Pimp a Butterfly in 2015, for example). Others – such as this one – are more of a close-run thing, with the top spots changing sometimes as late as the writing process.

Before I get to my top ten, I would be remiss not to mention a few albums that missed out but have nonetheless been regulars in my rotation this year. Firstly, I should tip my cap to the experimentation shown by Beach House, Ben Howard, and Low, all of whom showed a refreshing intent to break from their norm and make some greatly interesting music. I’m also acutely aware of the lack of representation for R&B and hip-hop in my top ten – I didn’t ignore these genres, it just so happened that they weren’t among my ten favourites. Kids See Ghosts and Earl Sweatshirt in particular came close, and Janelle Monáe was another that I enjoyed greatly. Here’s my honourable mentions list in full:

Beach House – 7; Ben Howard – Noonday Dream; Low – Double Negative; Janelle Monáe – Dirty Computer; Brockhampton – Iridescence; Anderson .Paak – Oxnard; Villagers – The Art of Pretending to Swim; Jeff Tweedy – WARM; Matt Maltese – Bad Contestant; Kids See Ghosts – Kids See Ghosts; Pusha T – Daytona; Earl Sweatshirt – Some Rap Songs; Parquet Courts – Wide Awake; Kurt Vile – Bottle It In; The Beths – Future Me Hates Me; Jungle – For Ever; Courtney Barnett – Tell Me How You Really Feel; Mitski – Be The Cowboy; Hop Along – Bark Your Head Off Dog; Lucy Dacus – Historian.

Also, here’s a Spotify playlist of all my favourite tracks from the year.

Now on to the top ten…

10. Blood Orange – Negro Swan

I’ve got a soft spot for a true album – one that’s greater than the sum of its parts, and should be listened to as a whole. There are actually very few tracks on Negro Swan that hit home outside the context of the album. But there’s so much to like here: the way tracks flow into each other, punctuated by regular snippets of dialogue from the likes of transgender activist Janet Mock. The word that defines this album is ‘introspection’ – there are regular references to the desire to be loved and the fear of allowing oneself to be loved completely. At times the tracks feel frustratingly unfinished, and that’s all that keeps this at the back end of my top ten.

Highlights: ‘Saint’, ‘Charcoal Baby’, ‘Nappy Wonder’

9. Snail Mail – Lush

It’s been a hell of a year for young, female indie rockers (more on that later…), and Lindsey Jordan (A.K.A. Snail Mail) is perhaps the most prodigious of them all. The teenager’s debut, Lush, is a highly impressive record that showcases her signature sound: subtle, twinkly guitar melodies and foot-tapping drum beats. It tails off a little towards the back end of the album, as the novelty of her style begins to wear off. You wonder if this was a record she rushed into making, to capitalise on the considerable hype around her. If that’s the case, it’s a shame as a few more songs to the standard of ‘Pristine’ and ‘Heat Wave’ may have pushed this album up into my top five.

Highlights: ‘Pristine’, ‘Heat Wave’, ‘Stick’

8. The 1975 – A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships

This album is getting a lot of love, and I’ll admit that on first listen I didn’t get the hype. The 1975 are a somewhat controversial band – they face lavish praise and upturned noses in seemingly equal measure. There were moments of their absurdly-titled previous record that I liked, but their overly synthetic sound and Matty Healy’s unique vocal style are occasionally grating. ABIIOR has its flaws, but there’s also much to admire. They’ve incorporated a variety of styles, from stripped-back acoustic to arena pop and even jazz. The obvious themes of life and love in a digital age are well-explored and the production is, at times, gorgeous. Stick with it – it might just grow on you.

Highlights: ‘Love It If We Made It’, ‘Inside Your Mind’, ‘I Always Wanna Die (Sometimes)’

7. U.S. Girls – In A Poem Unlimited

In many ways, this record is a better executed version of the 1975’s. Meg Remy looks at similar themes of our problematic modern world, though in her case she explores them through a lens of feminine anger. Songs like ‘Rage of Plastics’ and ‘M.A.H.’ are direct, furious tirades towards American politics in the Obama era. The instrumentation and production is staggeringly brilliant throughout, with each track demonstrating a different string from Remy’s bow. On ‘Rosebud’, she channels her inner Madonna to produce one of the finest, most listenable indie pop tunes of the year.

Highlights: ‘M.A.H.’, ‘Rosebud’, ‘L-Over’

6. Maribou State – Kingdoms In Colour

My favourite electronic album of the year, Kingdoms In Colour improves on Maribou State’s encouraging debut, 2015’s Portraits. The improvements lie in their balance between the dance-pop hits, where they utilise long-time collaborator Holly Walker on vocals, and the more experimental, sample-based pieces that make up the rest of the album. It’s the latter that leave the most lasting impression, no better than on ‘Vale’, with the sample of Melanie de Baliso’s ‘I Feel You’ dovetailing beautifully with the group’s accompanying melody. If you’re looking for an album to put on as a backing track at your next party, look no further.

Highlights: ‘Beginner’s Luck’, ‘Nervous Tics’, ‘Vale’

5. Big Red Machine – Big Red Machine

A collaboration between Bon Iver and the National was never going to be bad, was it? Big Red Machine doesn’t quite hit the heights you might expect from such a high-profile meeting of minds, but there are enough moments of genius here to make it an album worth revisiting repeatedly. For the most part, Justin Vernon leaves his trademark complex song structures at the door in favour of simpler, more lineal compositions. This leads to some tracks feeling repetitive at times, although even these feature a central hook strong enough to keep you interested. And on 'Lyla', with its polyrhythms and meandering structure, there are hints of the exciting fruits this partnership could eventually produce.

Highlights: ‘Lyla’, ‘Hymnostic’, ‘I Won’t Run From It’

4. Arctic Monkeys – Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino

Perhaps Arctic Monkeys’ most divisive album since Humbug, TBHAC is also their bravest and most ambitious. It’s essentially a concept album – tales of a futuristic hotel on the moon brought to life by Alex Turner’s controversial switch from guitar to piano. It’s no surprise that the album has alienated some of the band’s more fundamentalist fans, as there’s a blatant lack of Turner’s usual indie dancefloor hits as well as a side-lining of outstanding drummer Matt Helders. Instead, we’re treated to songs without clear structures and, aside from ‘Four Out Of Five’, catchy choruses. Turner occasionally strays too far towards self-indulgence (‘Batphone’ is a difficult listen), but he’s still a remarkable lyricist and he’s produced an album that cements their status as the band of their era.

Highlights: ‘Star Treatment’, ‘American Sports’, ‘Four Out Of Five’

3. boygenius – boygenius EP

I may be cheating a tad here by including an EP, but given that there’s as much to enjoy here as on many fine albums released this year, you’ll excuse me. boygenius are a supergroup of sorts, featuring female up-and-comers Julien Baker, Phoebe Bridgers, and Lucy Dacus. Individually, all three are well worth a listen. But their collaborative EP propels them to new heights. Each has their own songwriting moments (two each from the six-track EP), and these intertwine through stunning vocal harmonies to form a completely cohesive collection of songs. The finest moments are Bridgers’, with her soft vocal timbre particularly captivating on ‘Me And My Dog’. We can only hope the success of this experiment results in a full-length album in 2019.

Highlights: ‘Me And My Dog’, ‘Souvenir’, ‘Ketchum, ID’

2. Kacey Musgraves – Golden Hour

No album surprised me more in 2018 than this one. After a slew of out-of-this-world reviews, I decided I had to give Golden Hour at least one listen – if only to be able to confirm it as what almost all country pop albums are: ‘not for me’. The thing is, this record transcends genre, and even those who like neither country nor pop will appreciate its beauty and the quality of its songs. Everything on Golden Hour is well-executed: Musgraves sings beautifully; the instrumentation feels minimal yet rounded; the production is absolutely on-point; and the melodies are to die for. There are even psychedelic elements throughout – nods to Musgraves’ use of acid during the album’s production. Give this album a chance, leave your prejudices at the door, and you’ll be treated to a simply perfect collection of pop songs.

Highlights: ‘Slow Burn’, ‘Wonder Woman’, ‘High Horse’

1. Soccer Mommy – Clean

As I mentioned, this wasn’t a runaway number one. But the more I re-listened to my shortlist, the more it became clear that Clean was the strongest candidate for top spot. Snail Mail and boygenius have already taken spots in my top ten, demonstrating what a strong year it has been for female indie vocalists. But Soccer Mommy’s (Sophie Allison’s) album just feels like the finished product that both Snail Mail and boygenius are aiming to eventually produce.

Clean doesn’t just contain great songs with deliciously spiky lyrics (the opening line of ‘Your Dog’ is a belter), it also feels so well balanced. Laid-back, melancholy tunes like ‘Still Clean’ and ‘Blossom’ are countered by catchy indie numbers like ‘Cool’ and ‘Skin’. Allison’s voice seems refined too – perfectly able to handle those two ends of the spectrum. Considering the album centres on a feeling of teenage angst, the sound feels remarkably mature. It’s a worthy album of the year.

Highlights: ‘Cool’, ‘Skin’, ‘Blossom (Wasting All My Time)’

[inagetawaycarxo]

1-150 all of them. Every single one 😁

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

honestly can't remember, it was a girl though so... (we were friends arent anymore) 2. Are you outgoing or shy?

I pretend I'm outgoing but really I'm a shy bitch unless I get comfortable with you then I suppose I’m outgoing. 3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

my bed, cause I’m tired! kidding. 4. Are you easy to get along with?

depends but I'd like to say so unless you're a bitch to me then I will be a bitch back. 5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

I don’t get drunk anymore, lol I’m a lightweight, once I have one drink I’m tipsy. But if I do decide to get drunk then prob whoever I got drunk with, unless they get drunk, then my mum can take care of me. 6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

Varies, as long as they have a kind heart and are funny. Also a sucker for accents and blue eyes & green, as well as brown. 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

nope. 8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

Do celebs count or nah? if so then Chris Evans, Sebastian Stan + Tom Holland { not that anyone cares but we are the same age}. 9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

If it's with my mum then yeah, or family, anyone else it doesn't make me uncomfortable. 10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my mum. 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

iPhone charging cables {lol}  12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Easier- 5sos

Last Hurrah-Bebe Rexha

R U Mine- Arctic Monkeys

Suckerz- Blackbear

Break up with girlfriend, I’m bored- Ariana Grande

Ain’t My Fault-Zara Larsson 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

definitely. 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

yep. 15. What good thing happened this summer?

nothing really. 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

maybe, maybe not. 17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

yep. 18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

nope, I honestly had cringy taste in crushes in primary school and high school. 19. Do you like bubble baths?

Yass..... 20. Do you like your neighbors?

nope, he a douchebag, and all the bad names in the book. 21. What are you bad habits?

going to bed late, rolling my eyes to much. 22. Where would you like to travel?

YES! 23. Do you have trust issues?

yes. 24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

I have no clue... 25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

stomach and thighs. 26. What do you do when you wake up?

whine about how tired I am and how I should go to bed earlier. 27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

in-between. 28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my mom. 29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

yep, and honestly I don't care it's their loss. 30. Do you ever want to get married?

it’s not really on my to-do list, but maybe. 31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

yep. 32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan without a doubt.  33. Spell your name with your chin.

c lazire   (lol I did pretty well, except for the space and z ) 34. Do you play sports? What sports?

nope 35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

nope. 36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

yes. 37. What do you say during awkward silences?

I laugh nervously. 38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

*sighs* as long as they have blue or green or blue eyes, some sort of accent, are nice, funny, loyal, dreamy. 39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

book shops, clothes shops and those body shops (the ones you get body lotion and that from) and home decor shops, DVD shops. 40. What do you want to do after high school?

I’m 22, I’ve finished high school a long time ago. 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

depends, on what they have done. 42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

sad. 43. Do you smile at strangers?

sometimes. 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

can I say both, I’m going to say both. 45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

my dog literally jumps on my and barks at me. 46. What are you paranoid about?

a lot of things, someone kidnapping me, being stalked, weird creatures killing me, dying. 47. Have you ever been high?

Nah... 48. Have you ever been drunk?

yeah, plenty of times. 49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

not really. 50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

black and grey. 51. Ever wished you were someone else?

all the time. 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

 I wish I had long legs tbh. 53. Favourite makeup brand?

nude. 54. Favourite store?

ally 55. Favourite blog?

on here or somewhere else,?  56. Favourite colour?

purple, blue, grey, pink, green. 57. Favourite food? 

pasta. 58. Last thing you ate?

raspberries. 59. First thing you ate this morning?

nothing, I don't eat in the morning. 60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Nah. 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

nearly, but they found out it wasn't my fault, yet one teacher was a total bitch to me afterwards. 62. Been arrested? For what?

nope, I’m a good girl. 63. Ever been in love? 

yes, and it hurts. 64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

 it was on my thirteenth bday party and it was three guys, two of them were great the other one was sloppy and ew. 65. Are you hungry right now?

not really. 66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

yep. 67. Facebook or Twitter?

twitter. 68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr. 69. Are you watching tv right now?

Nah. 70. Names of your bestfriends? 

do dogs count, if so then Max. 71. Craving something? What?

pancakes. 72. What colour are your towels?

pink, blue, neutral colours. 72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

four. 73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

no. 74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

four I think. 75. Favourite animal?

tigers. 76. What colour is your underwear?

grey, pink, and aqua. 77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

both. 78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

cookies & cream or strawberry. 79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

pink.

80. What colour pants?

pink, with stars. 81. Favourite tv show?

The Simpsons. 82. Favourite movie?

Captain America: The Winter Soldier. 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Mean Girls. 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Mean Girls. 85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

Regina George. 86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

Dory. 87. First person you talked to today?

My brother. 88. Last person you talked to today?

My brother. 89. Name a person you hate?

my neighbour. 90. Name a person you love?

everyone, except for people I dont like. 91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

Oh definitely. 92. In a fight with someone?

mostly just words. 93. How many sweatpants do you have?

 six 94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

eight, I think. 95. Last movie you watched?

Avengers: Endgame. 96. Favourite actress?

Emilia Clarke 97. Favourite actor?

Chris Evans. 98. Do you tan a lot?

no, last time i tanned, i got badly sunburnt. 99. Have any pets?

Two dogs. 100. How are you feeling?

tired, sad, horny, unappreciated and annoyed. 101. Do you type fast?

yeah. 102. Do you regret anything from your past?

oh, so many things. 103. Can you spell well?

sometimes. 104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

yeah but no. 105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

nope. 106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

yep. 107. Have you ever been on a horse?

yes. 108. What should you be doing?

sleeping its 3AM SOMETHING 109. Is something irritating you right now?

yeah... 110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

yes. 111. Do you have trust issues?

yes. 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

my mom. 113. What was your childhood nickname?

clairebear or mousey. 114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

no. 115. Do you play the Wii?

mostly the ps4 now. 116. Are you listening to music right now?

yas, some angsty songs, might do some song fics. 117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

never had it. 118. Do you like Chinese food?

yeah. 119. Favourite book?

Looking for Alaska - John Green 120. Are you afraid of the dark?

sometimes. 121. Are you mean?

 I try not to be. 122. Is cheating ever okay?

nope. 123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

no. 124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

I’m a bit iffy on that, thats purely falling for looks, i mean sure they look hot but what if their personail;ty is shit, then their hottness just zeros down. 125. Do you believe in true love?

yeah. 126. Are you currently bored?

nah. 127. What makes you happy?

lots of things. puppies, kittens, animals, dragons, writing, reading, family and friends, you guys. 128. Would you change your name?

no. 129. What your zodiac sign?

Libra. 130. Do you like subway?

sometimes. 131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

just stare in shock for a long while, while trying to process it. 132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my mum. 133. Favourite lyrics right now?

Is it easier to stay? Is it easier to go? I don't wanna know, oh But I know that I'm never, ever gonna change And you know you don't want it any other way 134. Can you count to one million?

no. 135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

I’m sick, I can't come. 136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

sometimes opened sometimes closed. 137. How tall are you?

5′5 138. Curly or Straight hair?

both. 139. Brunette or Blonde?

both. OMBRE. 140. Summer or Winter?

Summer, cause winter is cuddling season and I don't have a boo. 141. Night or Day?

both. 142. Favourite month?

October. 143. Are you a vegetarian?

used to be, might go back to being one. 144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

both. 145. Tea or Coffee?

neither. 146. Was today a good day?

not really. 147. Mars or Snickers?

both. 148. What’s your favourite quote?

it’s a bad day, not a bad life. 149. Do you believe in ghosts?

yes. 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?  

this? they were hers! she’d gathered them, hoarded them, maybe someday planned to pass them on to me.

[aleatoryalarmalligator]

life story part something.

Before I continue, I just wanted to give a quick apology for making an error in my previous life-story post. It was brought to my attention that it was not Britney who brought hip huggers to the scene of the late 90's, but Aaliyah RIP. Also though nobody actually sent me a message regarding this exactly, it may seem like I am picking on Britney Spears, but I really am not. She's fine. Aaliyah pants are fine. I am not an avid modern pop fan so there are a lot of things I really just do not know. I would be far more likely to know about some obscure detail about some early obscure 80's twee group than I would sometimes the most notable musicians of today.

And now. To explain my first trip to Florida.

I had never boarded a plane before. I think flying might be one of my favorite things in the world. I honestly can think of nothing better than being in the clouds looking down on everything. I don't think there has ever been a situation where I got on a plane and didn't come off that plane a better more complete human being. And to this day, if the pay was better, I was a little less of a daydreamer and more of a direct kind of person who liked facts, buttons and numbers more, and my eyesight was anything close to decent I think I would have gone to flight school, I love flying so much. We stopped at the Denver Airport, which was the biggest place I had ever been. When we got to Tampa, we had to board another plane and while that was happening, I looked out at the ocean – which I had never seen before either, and there was a cyclone out there. It was pretty wild, at least for me. I am sure local Floridians look out at the ocean casually on a daily basis and see these kinds of things. It's like when people vacation to Idaho, they often get excited about jagged rocks on the sides of canyons, and to me they are pointing out the most obvious mundane thing in the whole world.

It was also really different for me because there is a lot of culture and different skin tones that you honestly just don't see in rural Idaho. Everyone here is white, with the exception of Native Americans on occasion. There was not only people of every ethnicity, color and nationality, but the default music that played in stores was often times reggae, whereas here it's always country or Nickelback, and maybe just maybe some bad butt rock from the 80's where I come from. It was kind of eye opening for me to realize that not everywhere was Idaho.

My uncle Bob lived down in Florida. He was very rich. His job was to be one of those super attendants to super attendants for a school district in Fort Lauderdale. He had a swimming pool and a fancy motorcycle and a bunch of cars. I made the mistake of swimming one night, and he turned on the light in the pool. Suddenly, cockroaches began jumping into the swimming pool from every direction. The lizards were pretty cool however.

The air made me sick though. It was thick and murky. Idaho has very dry air that I am used to. Florida's air is like warm sticky water all around you that you can't get out of. And I am allergic to mold spores, so that was a problem. My throat swelled up and my eyes watered the whole time. Also, it was here that I learned that I have some serious issues with the ocean. I cannot be in the presence of the ocean, however fascinated I am by it, or I start to feel like I have the stomach flu, and I start to feel like I am going crazy. My father and I visited the beach. It was strange to me, but ocean beaches that are open to the public are covered with people. Idaho beaches are very easy to be alone and secluded on.

I really was enjoying myself, but then I started feeling this crazed feeling. First it felt like I was moving, and then it felt like the ground beneath me was dropping. I started crying for absolutely no reason. My father tried to ask me what was wrong and I snapped at him aggressively in a way I would never ordinarily do. This wasn't one of my typical sensitive fits I get when someone has hurt my feelings either. I really just lost my mind and had no idea what I was doing. He actually had to physically haul me off the beach as I kicked and cried. The ocean makes me crazy. I don't know why. As we drove off, I suddenly realized what had happened and I apologized. It's not that much different now that I am an adult. I was visiting the Pacific last year, and though I was able to control myself, I started getting shaky and nauseated and feeling like there was no reason to be alive, and this wasn't coming from my typical morose self. There has to be some kind of scientific backing for why this happens. I suppose I could just be that much of a landlover that even looking at the ocean makes me ill.

We went to Disney World. It was a great place if you have a million dollars to spend and are somewhat patient, but you don't want to eat there because everything is a trillion dollars and tastes like it is made out of whatever Mickey Mouse's gloves are made out of. Sadly, this is the only place I have ever heard people in real life with English accents – except maybe when I saw Richard Thompson and I am not sure, but when I saw the Arctic Monkeys, I think Alex Turner said something short once during the set.

This was also a strange visit because I hung out with my aunt Marty. I didn't really understand it back then, but she is a total racist. There are several different forms of racism naturally, and I couldn't for sure say that one was better than the last, but if I were to peg her form of racism, I would just flat out say that she was a hardcore Jim Crow racist. She was actually is just this openly vile little woman who constantly spews hatred in every which direction, but for some reason that I can only conclude leads to his own racist instincts, my uncle Bob thought it was cute for some reason for her to go on this way, and my dad would just laugh and laugh as she would go on and on with her extremely atrocious little rants. It kind of gave me a precursor to understanding the 'appeal' of Donald Trump for a lot of people. He was unabashedly hateful and racist, and people liked it because they felt like he was giving them permission to say this crap. She really seemed to randomly like me, so it confused me then, but I honestly don't think me or my siblings would have agreed to stay in a place with her. I could not sit in a room with her. She's really just that bad.

On our way to Miami we got into a car accident and we never made it there. We were in the middle of this six car pile up. I remember two girls with matching tube tops were running around upset speaking in Spanish desperately in confusion. There was this old lady that had to be taken to the hospital. My father turned his head instinctively in fear I suppose that I was not wearing my seat belt – which fortunately I was, and I have never forgotten it since because if I hadn't I would have gone flying. When he turned like this though, he permanently fucked up his neck. The super fancy old vehicle was totaled.

On our way back home a few days later, there was also some very extreme turbulence that scared me to death. We were flying over the Midwest, and the plane became very jerky. I was alerted that this was perfectly normal, and I continued to drink my ginger ale and look out the window. But it started to get more extreme. Pretty soon the entire plane was shaking and free falling. My plate of food flew off the table and women and children were crying upset. I was crying. Somehow, everything was alright, though that much turbulence was not considered to be very common. We flew out of the storm, which I heard was spread out from Indiana to North Dakota.

After Florida, life just kind of went the way it always had. Vacations don't generally fix all that much, from my experience, though I am still very glad I got to leave. I think it's very important to always have a trip planned out in the next six months. It keeps you ever hopeful for the future, and it gives you these little breaks in the monotony of what you know.

One day, I decided to play sick and skip school, presumably to get some hours in on the gameboy, get a few hours extra of sleep, eat some candy, read some chapter book about knights, princesses and dragons all that good stuff. I told my father I felt achy and nauseated. I can't say I feel too badly, but my father has always had a lot of faith that I am always telling the truth. And often times, he has good reason to believe I am, I usually am honest to a fault, am prone to oversharing and I don't just lie every time I am in a bind. I will often times rather just turn myself in. I don't believe people should lie whenever it is convenient. But this isn't to say that I don't lie. Sometimes I lie for sport. Mostly I just like to see what I can get away with. I hand select when I am dishonest, and it has to meet various requirements and the lie itself has to be somewhat satisfying. I don't think it's satisfying to lie often to make people think you are cool or to always get your way, but I have always liked to play hooky. I lied A LOT about being sick growing up, and even though most of the time it was bullshit and everyone knew that, my good old dad always believed in me. I also was always buying snacks at the local grocery store on the charge account and he never looked at the purchases that were made. He always just dutifully paid off the account every so often. To be fair here, he didn't leave any food in the house, and what would you expect a hungry preteen to do if they had a charge account at their disposal?

I was sitting in the corner on this such day, and suddenly my whole body was in the most excruciating pain I have ever felt in my entire life. My lungs stopped functioning. I felt like I was breathing rocks. My head was on fire, my jaws wouldn't move. Pain was shooting down to my toes. My muscles stopped working. I tried to tell my dad what was wrong, but no words would come out. I began convulsing. I could not even scream. I was on the floor in agony. I couldn't even move my arms voluntarily. The joints had tensed up so much. I made some kind of guttural noise of some kind and had tears running down my face, and my father was trying very hard to get me to tell him what was wrong. The pain was absolutely unimaginable, and I have to this day nothing that compares to it. He picked me up off the floor, and hauled me up the stairs. I passed out from the pain, and he put me in my bed. When I woke up two hours later, I was perfectly fine somehow. My muscles worked. I could talk. I have no idea what happened. And I never found out.

My mother moved into a new home. I think she got the lump some of the divorce money at this point, and her and Germaine were starting to have disagreements. So she began renting this brand new little white house a few blocks from where Germaine lived. I had to get rid of Crom – we gave him to James's rich family. This brand new house quickly became totally disgusting and trashed. But it was here where I first got to really enjoy cable television. My dad didn't think that tv was good for kids – he's probably got a point there. It was otherwise a completely disgusting mess though, and I often had to fight and manipulate for the best places to sleep and my rights to the controller. I think after a few years of dealing with adult's bullshit, I was starting to finally figure out how to plan ahead to put myself out of harm's way and to best benefit from my situation, if even in small little ways.

My dad would always take me to my mom's very early in the morning. He had to be at work at five am, and so we had to be on the road by 4 am. He would drop me off, and the first thing I would do when I opened the door was assess just how wasted everyone had gotten while I was at my dad's. You could tell by how the place smelled, what kind of trash was in the garbage, how long the dishes had been out, along with more obvious details like what and who was sprawled over the floor. I would make a headcount of people sprawled out on the floor, and try to establish the most pleasant place for me to rest. I would find the controller. Then I would go through my mother's bedroom while she was drunk and passed out with James in the bed, and go through her pants and coats for loose change. Often times, it would be dumped all over the floor carelessly. I would also go into the bathrooms and do the same thing. If there was anyone else there I would go through their things as well, usually finding their little baggies of drugs and pipes to get to the money. I never would take anything more than a dollar bill, but the money quickly began stacking up.

I eventually had 60 dollars, and to put that into adult perspective, that's like a 1000 dollars in Renee money today. At the end of the year, I went to an arcade and I went to the circus, and completely wasted all of it – but I didn't regret it one bit. The entire experience was perfectly delightful. I took great pleasure in being able to spend carelessly. My father kept such a tight hold of his money – I one time asked him for 25 cents and he told me the family simply couldn't afford it. This coming from someone who made over 40,000 dollars a year. I wore handmedowns, and ate left overs from the worst fast food in town. I was always on the receiving end of duties and responsibilities for my younger siblings, I had no power over my life at all. The money felt even better since I had stolen it the way I had.

Everyone around me was quite unpleasant for that entire time I stayed there. It was just a gross mess, before we finally moved again. Other than watching enormous amounts of television, I remember I would spend all day waiting for the sounds of the ice cream man to come down the road. It was the point of my existence at one point in my life to lazily lay about and anticipate the sound of ice cream man music to go down my street so I could run out there and buy a plastic tasting fudgsicle.        

to be continued.

If per chance you want to know more about this project of mine, i am writing my life story down - i have never actually done this. Here are the previous parts i have written so far.

PART 7 - http://tinyurl.com/ybvo283g

PART 6 - http://tinyurl.com/kbc9dwu

PART 5 - http://tinyurl.com/msnz4am

PART 4 - http://tinyurl.com/k9x8esg

PART 3 - http://tinyurl.com/mwp9atx

PART 2 - http://tinyurl.com/lbt6xq2

PART 1 - http://tinyurl.com/l8xbvg8

[bowling-for-nerds]

couple playlist #1

otp: ＂tell me how can I put you off when you're a matter of urgency.＂

Oliver Thomas Newton/James Dean Reed glass in the park//alex turner | automatic stop//the strokes | can’t stand me now//the libertines | our perfect disease//the wombats | fire and the thud//arctic monkeys | howlin’ for you//the black keys | sick love//red hot chili peppers | the english summer//the wombats | champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends//fall out boy | so sick we’re dead//the front bottoms | i fought the law//the clash | something between us//daft punk | going away to college//blink-182 | hiding tonight//alex turner | skeleton//the front bottoms | last post on the bugle//the libertines | you really got me//the kinks | 505//arctic monkeys | it’s cold outside//modern baseball | love is a laserquest//arctic monkeys

GLASS IN THE PARK - ALEX TURNER

and when you say that you need me tonight//I caan’t keep my feelings in disguise//the white parts of my eyeballs illuminate 

and I’ll wait for you//as if I’m waiting for the storm to stop//I’ve heard them talking//about how I’m gonna put you off//tell me how can I put you off when you’re a matter of urgency?//I got a million things that I have to do but they’re all secondary//make sure you’re not followed and meet me by the death balloon

AUTOMATIC STOP - THE STROKES 

so many fish there in the sea//she wanted him, he wanted me//that’s just a phase, it’s got to pass//I was a train moving too fast//yeah I know you warned me//but this is too important//now I got a different view//it’s you

CAN’T STAND ME NOW - THE LIBERTINES

if you wanna try//if you wanna try//there’s no worse you could do//I know you lie//I know you lie//I’m still in love with you//can’t take me anywhere (I’ll take you anywhere)//can’t take me anywhere (wouldn’t take you anywhere)//I’ll take you anywhere you wanna go//oh you can’t stand me now//no you can’t stand me now

OUR PERFECT DISEASE - THE WOMBATS

let’s not talk about hate when there’s hell to pay//for my cowardice and your bad timing//we don’t admit it but we’ve never seen eye to eye and it’s not through a lack of trying 

it was the perfect disease we had//something to argue and scream about//who do I see about contracting it back//and locking it somewhere it can’t get ripped out//it was the perfect disease we had//and in its absence lies a painful fact//we all need someone to drive us mad

FIRE AND THE THUD - ARCTIC MONKEYS

if it’s true you’re gonna run away//tell me where//I’ll meet you there

the day after you stole my heart//everything I touched told m//it would be better shared with you

HOWLIN’ FOR YOU - THE BLACK KEYS

I must admit//I cannot explain//any of these thoughts//racing through my brain//it s true//that baby I’m howlin’ for you

SICK LOVE - RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS

I don’t know but it’s been said//your heart is stronger than your head//and this location is my home

rivers get connected, so much stronger than expected//well sick love comes to wash us away//prisons of perspective, how your vision gets corrected//and sick love is my modern cliché 

THE ENGLISH SUMMER - THE WOMBATS

maybe it’s the english summer//maybe it’s the atmosphere//but it’s got me seeing stars when I’m with you//maybe this is all theatrics//maybe it’s very clear//that I’m tripping over your every single move

and there’s an animal inside of me//and he’s feeding off every word you say//he pulls my hair, he coerces me//into a world where romance is just a game

maybe it’s about your future//maybe it’s about your past//but sweetheart it’s just the present that needs some glue

and this awkward feeling is getting in the way//and this awkward feeling is begging for you to stay

CHAMPAGNE FOR MY REAL FRIENDS, REAL PAIN FOR MY SHAM FRIENDS - FALL OUT BOY

the sounds of this small town make my ears hurt//oh yeah you caught me but I caught you one worse//they say you want a war, you’ve got a war//but who are you fighting for?//the tide’s out, the ship’s run aground//we drown traitors in shallow water

SO SICK WE’RE DEAD -THE FRONT BOTTOMS

and we are so dishonest//so dishonest now//so dishonest with ourselves//and we are so dishonest//so dishonest now//but this is what you’re all about

keep yourself distant and remote//unhappy and alone//distant anger mode//unhappy and alone

I FOUGHT THE LAW - THE CLASH

robbin’ people with a six-gun//I fought the law and the law won//I fought the law and the law won

I left my baby and it feels so bad//I guess my race is run//she’s the best girl that I ever had//I fought the law and the law won//I fought the law and the

SOMETHING BETWEEN US - DAFT PUNK

it might not be the right time//I might not be the right one//but there’s something about us I want to say//cause there’s something between us anyway

I need you more than anything in my life//I want you more than anything in my life//I’ll miss you more than anyone in my life//I love you more than anyone in my life

GOING AWAY TO COLLEGE - BLINK-182

why does it feel the same to fall in love or to break it off?//and if young love is just a game I must’ve missed the kickoff//don’t depend on me to ever follow through on anything but//I’d go through hell for you

I haven’t been this scared in a long time//and I’m so unprepared so here’s your valentine//bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody//this world’s an ugly place but you’re so beautiful

HIDING TONIGHT - ALEX TURNER

and I will play the coconut shy//and win a prize even if it’s rigged//I won’t know when to stop and you can leave off my lid//and I won’t even lose my fizz//I’ll be the polka dots type//I’ll know the way back if you know the way//but if you are I am quite alright//hiding today

tomorrow I’ll be stronger//running colourful no longer just in black and white//and I’m quite alright hiding tonight

SKELETON - THE FRONT BOTTOMS

I walk around like a skeleton last night//confused and alone//who was I kidding, I can’t get past you//you are the cops, you are my student loans//you are a heart shaped hole in a sheet rock wall//you are the pain I feel, you are the stud in the wall//better than nothing at all

reunited and it feels so good//it’s so much better than I thought it would//cause I feel fucked, but in a good way

I got miles to go til I ever get home//but the sound of your laugh and your voice on the phone//makes me feel like I am already there

LAST POST ON THE BUGLE - THE LIBERTINES

if I have to go//I will be thinking of your love//oh somehow you’ll know/you will know//thinking of your love

oh I was carried away//caught up in an affray//as they let him away he sang//we’ll meet again someday//oh my boy, there’s a price to pay

YOU REALLY GOT ME - THE KINKS 

yeah you really got me now//you got me so I don’t know what I’m doing now//oh yeah you really got me now//you got me so I can’t sleep at night 

see, don’t ever set me free//I always wanna be by your side

505 - ARCTIC MONKEYS

stop and wait a sec//when you look at my like that my darling what did you expect?//I’d probably still adore you with your hands around my neck//or I did last time I checked

not shy of a spark//a knife twists at the thought that I should fall short of the mark//frightened by the bite though it’s no harsher than the bark//middle of adventure, such a perfect plaxe to start

I’m going back to 505//if it’s a seven hour flight or a forty five minute drive//in my imagination you’re waiting lying on your side//with your hands between your thighs//and a smile

IT’S COLD OUTSIDE - MODERN BASEBALL

but when my freezing lower limbs approached that sly grinning little shit//I knew the truth in every vowel sound that I had admitted just two nights before//goodbye was not an option//it’s clear to you but to no one was it clearer than to me//since day one I’ve been locked in//I’m not fucking hanging up

LOVE IS A LASERQUEST - ARCTIC MONKEYS

and do you still think love is a laserquest//or do you take it all more seriously?

and do you look into the mirror to remind yourself you’re there//or have somebody’s goodnight kisses got that covered?//when I’m not being honest I pretend that you were just some lover

[transssexualheart]

All

oh boy

1. namerain

2. age14

3. three fearsnever being loved back, hurting the people i care about, and the people i love secretly hating me

4. three things i lovepokemonnice weatherthe piano

5. 4 turn onsgetting hit by a car is apparently one of themi actually dont know honestly if i’m attracted to you, because i so rarely find people attractive, everything u do will Get Me Goin and that’s all i can think

6. 4 turn offsdamn bitch idk

7. my best friendyall know who i would choose if i had to choose one do i really gotta say it again

8. sexual orientationim pan, i also think i’m demisexual but god who knows

9. my best first datei don’t even know what qualified as a date bc ive only gone on dates with one person and i don’t know what we actually considered a date or just hangin out??

10. how tall am iuhhh i cant remember exactly i think i’m 5′5

11. what do i miss?honestly?? i kinda miss the way things used to be before i confessed to liking the person i currently like. i mean nothing has actually changed between us but i still feel bad about liking her and hate that i can’t comfort her without it seeming like “oh, you just think i’m great and talented because you have a crush on me” i feel like me comforting her ends up less sincere now and i hate that and it’s also,, like god i didn’t want to feel this way i really intended on taking a break from romance but my dumbass heart was like “no” and ughh fuck

12. what time was i bornidk

13. fav colorblue

14. do i have a crushfeel like i just made that pretty clear

15. fav quote “And you know it’s not good–that there is no good–that there’s absolutely nothing that can ever come of it.But you do it anyway. And then…Well. Then you burn.”(from Carry On by Rainbow Rowell)

16. fav placethis is gross but anywhere with her

17. fav foodidk

18. do i use sarcasmof course 

19. what am i listening to rni’m being Exposed,, i’m listening to sarah smiles by p!atd

20. first thing i notice in a new personusually their clothes, like the way they dress

21. shoe size8 and a half or 9 in womens

22. eye colorbrown

23. hair colordark brown

24. fav style of clothinguhh idk

25. ever done a prank call?no

27. meaning behind my urlit’s just a pokemon lol

28. fav moviewho knows

29. fav songi really like robbers by the 1975 and rn i’m obsessed with do i wanna know by arctic monkeys 

30. fav bandgosh idk

31. how i feel right nowgay

32. someone i loveall my friends!! all of u!!

33. my current relationship statussad

34. my relationship with my parents:/

35. fav holidayeither halloween or xmas

36. tattoos and piercings i haveone piercing in each ear lobe and one tat on my ankle

37. tattoos and piercings i wanti kinda want a lip piercing but idk and i wanna be like,, covered in tats 

38. the reason i joined tumblrmemes

39. do i and my last ex hate each other?no, i dont hate any of my exes

40. do i ever get good morning or good night texts?sometimes goodnight texts

41. have i ever kissed the last person you texted?god i wish,, no tho

42. when did i last hold hands?gosh it’s been so long i don’t remember

43. how long does it take me to get ready in the morning?like an hour maybe more

44. have you shaved your legs in the last three days?idk i forgot

45. where am i right now?my bedroom

47. do i like my music loud or at a reasonable level?loud

48. do i live with my mom and dad?ya

49. am i excited for anything?excited to die

50. do i have someone of the opposite sex i can tell everything to?nah

51. how often do i wear a fake smile?i usually don’t, i just let myself look sad and my friends usually don’t say anything or they’re making me laugh and i’m distracted

52. when was the last time i hugged someone?i huged @strawberrymilk-kid when getting off the bus today

53. what if the last person i kissed was kissing someone right in front of me?i’d be like “dude!! did you get a girlfriend holy shit i’m happy for u!!”

54. is there someone i trust even though i shouldn’t?nah

55. what is something i disliked about today?um all the parts where i started being a jealous bitch 

56. if i could meet anyone on this earth who would it be?dan avidan

57. what do i think about the most?wtf do you think bitch

58. what’s my strangest talent?haha talent whats that

59. do i have any strange phobias?no not really

60. do i prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?depends

61. what was the last lie i told?this is emo but probably that i was alright hah

62. do i prefer talking on the phone or video chatting?gosh idk,, calling is less stressful bc i don’t have to worry about my disgusting face i guess

63. do i believe in ghosts? how about aliens?there are probably aliens, but idk about ghosts i mean like who knows

64. do i believe in magic?could be real, might not be, who knows

65. do i believe in luck?yeah i guess

66. what’s the weather like right now?it’s alright

67. what was the last book i read?hitchhikers guide to the galaxy

68. do i like the smell of gasoline?no

69. do i have any nicknames?my mom calls me rainbow but not really other than that but i love nicknames so someone call me by a nickname

70. what was the worse injury i’ve ever had?i sprained my arm once

71. do i spend money or save it?spend

72. can i touch my nose with my tongue?no

73. is there anything pink ten feet from me?im wearing pink so

74. fav animal?idk

75. what was i doing last night at 12am?sleeping after a long day of mental breakdown 

76. what do i think satan’s last name is?burke

77. what’s a song that always makes me happy when i hear it?uhh idk

78. how can you win my heart?be funny, love music (especially if you play it/can sing), and if you have curly hair or freckles i’m probably already in love with you so

79. what would i want written on my tombstone?“i’m gay”

80. what is my fav word?i have a few, my top three are “gentle”, “lover”, and “soft”

81. my top five blogs on tumblrman i dont know

82. if the whole world were listening to me right now, what would i say?that’s too much responsibility 

83. do i have any relatives in jail?my dad went to jail a few times, two of my uncles have been in there too, but none of them are still in there

85. what would be a question i’d be afraid to tell the truth on?i sat here trying to think of one for live five mins and i cant86. what is my current desktop pic?danny sexbang 

87. had sex?no

88. bought condoms?no

89. gotten pregnant?no

90. failed a class?not for a quarter grade or anything but there have been times where i was failing

91. kissed a boy?yeah i think so

92. kissed a girl?no sadly

93. have i ever kissed somebody in the rain?no

94. had a job?no

95. left the house without my wallet?probably

96. bullied someone on the internet?no

97. had sex in public?no

98. played on a sports team?i was on the soccer team in seventh grade

99. smoked weed?nah

100. did drugs?no

101. smoke cigarettes?no

102. drank alcohol?no 

103. am i a vegetarian/vegan?no

104. been overweight?nah

105. been underweight?idk

106. been to a wedding?ive been to two

107. been on the computer for 5 hours straight?probably

108. watched tv for five hours straight?probably

109. been outside my home country?no

110. gotten my heart broken?yep

111. been to a professional sports game?no

112. broken a bone?no

113. cut myself?no, but i’ve wanted to

114. been to prom?no

115. been in an airplane?yeah

116. fly by helicopter?no

117. what concerts have i been to?i went to one twenty one pilots concert that’s it

118. had a crush on someone of the same sex?oh yeah

119. learned another language?no

120. wore makeup?i wear it everyday

121. lost my virginity before i was 18?i’ve never had sex so no

122. had oral sex?no

123. dyed my hair?yeah

124. voted in a presidential election?nope

125. rode in an ambulance? no

126. had surgery?i had a tooth extracted but that’s it

127. met someone famous?no

128. stalked someone on a social media account?dude every time my friends are online i look through their whole blog just bc i like seein what my friends are rebloggin

 129. peed outside?a long time ago but yeah

130. been fishing?yeah

131. helped with charity?i don’t have money to donate to charities 

132. been rejected by a crush?hoooo boy i sure have been

133. broken a mirror?no 

134. what do i want for my birthday?a nude binder

thank u for asking!

[onestowatch]

Q&A: How Yacht Punk (Thankfully) Didn’t End up As YCHT PNK

I had once jokingly referred to a friend's outfit as “Yacht Rock,” which consisted of rolled up jeans, sock-less loafers and a button down shirt that had only the button under his belly button buttoned. The very next day, I got an email from a band called Yacht Punk. While I initially thought this was my friend attempting a joke, upon further review, I realized that Yacht Punk is in fact a real band--with great music.

One might assume that the word “punk” refers to the band’s sound, but for these guys, it’s not the case. Their music does not incite thoughts of yachting, nor punk rock. Once I got to know the band, I realized that this band name is quite literally the best two words to describe their personality: encompassing some sort of plaguing impossibility to take anything seriously, with a unique way of rattling off sarcastic quips that are actually honest self-aware descriptors. 

To drive the point home even further, the first conversation I had with lead singer and guitarist Graham Bockmiller was about how band names have taken a turn for the worse as of late. Since the world is quickly running out of original untaken names, musicians have been relegated to using stylistic choices like putting spaces after every letter in their name, or removing all the vowels. After hearing some of the bad and hilarious examples Bockmiller had, I knew he didn’t take himself so seriously--which is why the following Q&A is quite silly (yet still super informative).

With two singles already out on Spotify, the band has a plan to release single by single, instead of an album or EP. Graham commented, “We'd rather be constantly releasing songs than drop them all at once.” The tunes themselves are fresh and vibe-y, and the tone of Graham’s voice has a rawness like Radiohead’s Thom Yorke. Their debut single, “Radar,” has an air of teenage anthem qualities with its gritty guitar sonics.

Yacht Punk’s producing team includes rock heavyweights Matt Wignall (Cold War Kids) and Will Brierre (The Killers), but they aren’t your average serious rock band. In fact, they may only be serious about one aspect: their music.

OTW: So let’s start with the name: you say you don’t ride yachts and you don’t play punk. Was it just a random set of words that you thought sounded cool? Are you ever worried people will think you DO play punk?

Graham: It was somewhat random--a friend said it jokingly once about a group picture we were in. I was like, “Hmmm Yacht Punk, that would make a pretty good band name.” It's really hard to pick band names these days. Inevitably every name you can think of is already taken. And I was tired of seeing band names in all capital letters with all the vowels taken out and shit, like "WLF BDRM" or whatever. That’s not a real band, but I can imagine some band googling "Wolf Bedroom band" and being like dammit, some band from 2006 already has a "Wolf Bedroom" page. 

We're not too worried about people thinking we play punk. I had some people tell me not to name it that, but it’s not as if there's a bunch of smooth jazz bands that have "Smooth Jazz" in their name. More than anything I think it grabs your attention, like if I saw "Yacht Punk" on a festival lineup, I'd probably be like "I wonder what that sounds like" and be more likely to check it out. And I like the dichotomy of the two words. But most importantly, it wasn't taken. And any name that leaves vowels intact is a success.

OTW: So then why do you hate Punk music? (just kidding)

Graham: I like punk and punk derivative music, but I wouldn't lie and say I had a big "punk phase" growing up or anything. I've always liked The Clash, Iggy Pop, Rancid, etc and I like when rock acts have elements of punk mixed in. So, hopefully Yacht Punk has some elements of punk and some other influences as well. It seems like there's not a lot of actual punk music going on right now, so hopefully we won't get attacked and spit on by hard-core gutter punks for hijacking their word.

OTW: The dreaded genre question, but let’s handle it: What are you? Or what would you like to be?

Graham: I'd say that I would like us to sound different than the majority of music today, be catchy enough for most people to enjoy, but edgy enough to keep some sort of punk aesthetic. The goal is just to play stuff that we would wanna listen do that we haven't heard. No idea if we’re actually accomplishing any of that, but that’s the goal.

OTW: Biggest sonic influences? Name a few oldies and a few newbies.

Graham: Favorite oldies would be The Who, David Bowie, Pink Floyd. Newbies would be The Strokes, Foals, Arctic Monkeys, and of course our biggest inspiration Lil Yachty. He really embodies the talent, dedication, and a musical wherewithal that we strive to achieve.

OTW: What is the most interesting thing about Yacht Punk?

Graham: We're all virgins.

OTW: You guys have worked with Matt Wignall known for Cold War Kids--how exactly did you meet up with him? 

Graham: Apart from his recording/producing, he's a photographer and art director and has worked with some bands that our manager knows. I had been writing some demos, and my manager suggested we do some songs with him. So we ended up doing a good amount of the recording in his studio Tackyland in Long Beach. It's a small studio with a ton of vintage gear and has a really cool vibe. It's like stepping back in time. We learned a lot down there, and it helped bring the songs to a higher level.

OTW: You also worked with Will Brierre (The Killers)--why did you choose him to work with? What do you think he brought to the project?

Graham: Will was kind of the ying to Wignall's yang. There was a lot of stuff from the Tackyland sessions that we really liked, but also a lot of elements from our demos that I wanted to use. Will was the one that was able to Frankenstein both the sessions together. So we ended up with the rawness of Wignall's style mashed with the the more polished, big sound that Brierre brings.

OTW: The video for “Nightmare Pool” is super trippy and psychedelic — did you originally seek out to make it that way, or was it a happy accident?

Graham: The video credit goes to Matt Wignall; it was his concept. I just said "make it look weird and trippy," and the rest was him. It kind of has a weird acid-trip feel, which is always welcome round these parts. I think it made it more interesting than just a straight studio performance.

OTW: What was it like filming the video at Tackyland Studios?

Graham: We filmed it after having spent a lot of time recording in there, so by then we were pretty familiar with it. It’s definitely not your normal studio. It's a converted garage--it gets hot in there, it’s not very comfortable, but it really puts you in the mood to be creative. There's Elvis and Clint Eastwood posters, old rainbow Miller beer signs, tape machines, vintage instruments, and a bunch of other cool and tacky shit. I'm pretty sure the walls are painted with spring reverb.

OTW: You only have two songs out on Spotify--do you plan to release an EP or do the “song a month” thing that seems to be the new trend?

Graham: We still have 3 songs that were going to be releasing soon, and we're currently in the studio finishing more. I just feel like you get more milage out of each song if you release them individually. We'd rather be constantly be releasing songs than drop them all at once. But what the hell do we know?

OTW: Why should people listen to Yacht Punk?

Graham: If said people are loving popular music right now, they probably shouldn't.

OTW: If Yacht Punk were a style/fashion profile, what clothing items would it consist of?

Graham: A boat captains hat, aviator sunglasses, a leather duster with no shirt on, nipple clamps, white jeans, destroyed Converse shoes, a cigarette, driving a 1978 Trans Am down Hollywood Boulevard throwing empty wine coolers out of the T-Top.

For More on Yacht Punk:

www.yachtpunk.com

www.soundcloud.com/yachtpunk/radar

https://open.spotify.com/artist/5oG7XAHKlGNReHwrGDup2X