#but fuck it i want dolores to throw down with the handler

[in-tua-deep]

I would love to see Delores punch the Handler! Your ideas for the pride and prejudice AU are inspired! What role would the rest of the family play in this story? I just love your blog so much!

oh i am very down to detail out this au and make it one big post

SO you have Eudora Patch playing the role of our lovely Elizabeth Bennet, and Diego playing the role of Mr. Darcy, protective idiot who puts his foot in his mouth frequently. Eudora’s parents died when she was little and she was raised by her godparents alongside Dave and Dolores, who she considers her siblings - but Dave is her best friend in the world

Dave is kind of ridiculous and more than a little gay and he’s a soldier home on leave, and when Netherfield is occupied and he goes to the ball he falls head over heels for the biggest dumbass in the known universe, Klaus. So Dave is Jane Bennet and Klaus gets to be Mr. Bingley!!

Then Mr. Bingley has two sister and a brother-in-law in the book so that’s just going to be Allison, Vanya, and Luther hanging around. Allison takes Diego’s side after the absolute disaster that was Vanya falling for Leonard (ew) and agrees to help convince Klaus to leave Netherfield with Diego, so she’s taking the role of Caroline Bingley except less bitchy

So the reason the kids have all returned to Netherfield is because their father just died and they’re dividing up the estate etc. etc. and the reason Ben isn’t there is because he’s up in London dealing with the financial stuff because let’s be real there are two (2) people in the family who have the head for finances and one of them is thirteen (and also I needed a reason for Ben to not be there for the falling in love part because he would yeet Diego and Allison’s attitudes out the window)

and then there’s Five who still lives at Netherfield and is best friends with Dolores but they’re secret friends, or at least they were because now the old man is dead he can associate with whoever the fuck he wants wheyy BUT some of the debate over inheritance is also about who gets custody of Five

which is a long way of saying that Five has a vested interest in trying to get at least one of his siblings to stay in Netherfield so he can continue being bros with Dolores and doing whatever he wants because he doesn’t want to have to move

Dolores?? Sort of gets the younger Bennet sisters roles? Sort of Lydia Bennet because she does run away briefly but YEAH she’s Dave’s little sister and is mute and Five is her best friend and she taught him sign language but honestly half the time it’s like they’re reading one another’s minds anyway?? 

They met when they were younger and Five ran away and Dolores found him and was like ?? well okay and proceeded to smuggle him food and hide him in the shed for a day and a half before he ended up going back because he did miss his siblings but the two decided they had bonded and Five frequently secretly exited the manor to meet up with her and play

Dave knows that Five exists abstractly but just knows him as some kid in town that Dolores plays with so he does not put two and two together until later shenanigans when he realizes his little sister’s best friend is the love of his life’s little brother who can pull some strings

anyway

so Wickham’s role goes to the Handler who ?? tried to kidnap Five or something when he was younger? Or rather, she convinced Five that he wanted to go with her because she pretended to be his friend and Five ended up escaping, which was actually the whole ‘running away’ thing where he met Dolores (except he never told Dolores because that Handler highkey scares him and he’s actually kind of ashamed the Handler tricked him to begin with)

so yes obviously someone the whole family despises but is very manipulative and probably weaves some tragedy for Patch to sympathize with and when Diego sees them associating he’s even ruder to her and there’s that whole misunderstanding going on

So Patch is happy for Dave, who is in love, and then Klaus ends up being convinced to go to London to chill with Ben who is his favourite brother because Diego Doesn’t Trust Like That and Patch gets super pissed off about it because Dave is heartbroken and mooning around sadly and being depressed and how DARE Diego do this to her best friend/brother?? absolute fucker

meanwhile Diego is wrestling with his attraction to Patch and making every single wrong step in the book

Five and Dolores plot in the background and are up to shenanigans which involve trying to set their idiot siblings up in situations where they are forced to interact (Dolores is actually invested while Five is sort of just throwing Dave and Patch at his siblings to see what sticks because he really doesn’t want to have to leave Netherfield and Dolores) while Dolores ALSO tries to figure out The Mystery of The Handler because Five goes super pale when he sees her in town but won’t tell her why and no Patch she doesn’t care that you think the Handler is actually good there’s something weird going on here and she’s going to find it out

I’m not usually one for human Dolores aus but I’m delighted by the idea of this child who loves her pretty dresses and things that glitter but who also learned how to sew just so she could add pockets to all of her pretty dresses so she could put things like frogs in them for when she wants to Do Crime with her bestie. Dolores is 80% of the brains behind the operation while Five is 70% the ‘sneaky little shit who can get into just about anywhere’ part. He was probably the one who taught her how to pick a lock. And no, Dave does not know that Five is teaching his baby sister Crime Skills.

but yes Allison is probably still married to Patrick in this au and is kind of angry/irritated because they fight quite a bit which is probably why she was willing to project some of those bad feelings on Klaus and Dave as well

what even other character are there in Pride and Prejudice idk

Grace exists but she’s the kids stepmother or something and for whatever reason she isn’t actually a part of the inheritance?? She’s just sort of in the background waltzing around fussing over her kids and also reminding Diego to be nicer and is probably the catalyst of Diego realizing what an utter shit he’s been after Patch’s big old “Fuck you I wouldn’t marry you if you were the last man on the face of the planet and also fuck you again for good measure” speech

Vanya just really wants to be able to play cards in peace and stop being dragged into whatever the fuck is going on now but she 100% takes Klaus’s side when everything is dragged up and is like “C’mon guys for real just let Klaus go back to Netherfield and see what happens, Dave seems really nice. And also fuck you for comparing every person we want to date to my shitty ex, like, we GET it, I made some questionable choices.”

Luther is doing his level best to ignore the family drama going on and actually try and do what they came for which is, you know, dividing up the estate and figuring out custody and etc. etc. but every time he brings things up his siblings blow him off because they’re all too focused on their personal lives and drama and the love stories unfolding and Luther is suffering because it’s like herding cats but somehow worse

Dolores finds out about the Handler and decides she’s ready to throw down and runs off to pick a goddamn fight because how fucking DARE and Patch doesn’t know where she IS and her and Dave are STRESSED and Diego hears about it and ends up going and fetching this child and bringing her back which makes Patch respect him or something idk

but at the end, Dave and Klaus get together and they’re cute as FUCK. Patch and Diego get together and their terrible childish rivalry evolves into a terrible childish romance which evolves into what is sure to become a terrible childish marriage. Allison and Patrick actually speak to each other and sort out some of their issues. Ben comes back into this clusterfuck of a situation like that one pizza fire gif and ends up sorting everyone out while nursing a migraine. Vanya gets some god damn peace and quiet. Luther finally manages to sort out the estates. Dolores and Five get matching best friend necklaces or something because they’re kids and high five the fuck out of one another at the wedding because hell yeah all their plans worked (even though like 90% of their plans backfired, accomplished nothing, or were just hilarious but not actually successful)

and yeah that’s the pride and prejudice au

[ins0mnia-an0nym0us-au]

my thoughts on The Umbrella Academy S2 [spoilers ahead]

so putting all my thoughts down was really hard. i decided to do it per character instead of like per appearance/episode - sorry if this is kinda hard to follow. this is also VERY LONG... hence the keep reading but here is a small taste -

he really overestimates his ability to time-travel

she told those men that she blew their mind + their heads literally blew up - mine about did too

FIVE

he really overestimates his ability to time-travel

k - he really needs to learn to TALK to his siblings more

but also he needs to work on his talking skills...

seeing five just mass murder people is highly amusing because he’s in the body of a 13yr old

also but how soft five was with vanya - i cry

i wanted a mention of dolores but alas only klaus remembered

though i did enjoy the continued coffee obsession - even if it was subtle

ALLISON

she told those men that she blew those their mind + their heads literally blew up - mine about did too

the second she walked into that diner - i was pAniCKing

the way those women were READY to throw down when allison ran into their shop - we stan them all (one of them was wielding a piping hot curling iron)

her husband ray is the sweetest of men + just what she needed before having to go back to twentieth century/glamour

i really liked the way they showed the consequences of allison using her powers - how she quickly slips back into bad habits. how it makes her into someone she doesn’t like

i’m really glad they didn’t forget claire - i was gonna be mad if she wasn’t mentioned

LUTHER

i stan luther hargreeves + i run the luther hargreeves protection squad cuz all of you are meanies who like to blame him for everything when in reality the real problem is their father

controversial opinion that i will be making a much larger post on but i ship allison x luther - they aren’t biologically related, they were only raised as siblings, there is 0% wrong with them falling in love

luther didn’t bother me in s1 like he did all y’all but that’s cause i’m mature enough to realize all of the siblings are fucked up - so the fact they made him more likeable this season is so nice. maybe ya’ll will take a chill pill on your luther hate-train

it was very interesting seeing luther so apathetic for the first bit of the season, when he had such a hero-complex last season

listen his talk with vanya in the barn was amazing - some people might be upset about the gun but the last time any of them saw her she had just blown up the fucking moon mkay?

he apologized for failing as a brother

for not being there

and he even said he didn’t care if vanya was bullshitting him

last thing - luther underestimating his self-importance now because of how he overestimated his self-importance in s1. i love that psychological circle

DIEGO

him being in the nuthouse makes perfect sense - i won’t lie

his role-reversal with luther this season was so *chef’s kiss*

TEAM ZERO *gives diego the fist-bump he deserved*

the moment lila slapped him when he leaned in for a kiss was the funniest shit ever - ‘i don’t understand you’ - then she kisses him - i was cackling

she gave him so much shit + i love that about her

when reginald yelled at him + it made his stutter come back for the fist time since he was a kid - FEELINGS

so in that last battle when diego redirected those bullets - that’s a power of his in the comics isn’t it? or is that just his power? projectile redirection? cause that was a confusing ass way to introduce that. just saying

him interacting with grace this season was like... hard cuz it’s not really her

KLAUS

the fact he made a cult is just so... klaus

he very much so looks like a hippie jesus

i’m kinda glad they showed him relapse because in a lot of media once someone gets clean it’s all butterflies + roses + unicorns out the ass. in reality - relapses happen

the family still isn’t very nice to klaus but we can work on that - they are better than before. it’s a work in progress

klaus trying to stop dave from dying but instead moving up his enlistment date

that diner scene made me hurt

BEN

the fact he is so over getting klaus out of things -  I'M So tIrED oF YouR shIt Klaus

WE GOT KLAUS’S LEVITATING ABILITY BUT IT WAS JUST BEN AND I LOVE THIS ADLGFJGKLSDFJG

when the two of them were just fighting on the side of the road - i cackled

ben being the one to talk vanya down? what we deserved

‘hug me while i go’ - i cry

THE ENDING WITH BEN BEING THAT LITTLE SHIT HEEL BUT ALIVE

i can’t wait for jackass alive ben next season

VANYA

poor girl is awake for a whole ass 5 seconds before getting hit by a car

i really thought vanya was pretending to have amnesia

may i say that s1 vanya dressed far too gay to be heterosexual + s2 vanya did not disappoint

as a gay i appreciate the fact the writers heard all of us saying vanya is 100% gay + being like ‘ok sure’

it makes me kinda sad how happy vanya was with no memories vs s1

her connection with harlan was just so - amazing

also, i think harlan always had powers + that’s why vanya was able to pull a moses at the lake + jesus harlan back to life

i liked sissy. i also liked how she gave us a glimpse into a very realistic thing that used to happen to women who loved women. they would marry men because it was the norm. they’d also have affairs.

and her choice to stay was one made by a good mother - she was putting harlan first. every good mom puts their child first. even if they so desperately want to be selfish.

in good news - vanya now knows she likes vagina!

the fact they legit used LSD on vanya while she was being electrocuted was A LOT

seeing inside vanya’s mind was super interesting - especially when she remembered + how she was trapped inside the white violin

she wanted to die - let’s all take that in for a second

she ASKED for her siblings help + they didn’t disappoint for ONCE

her POWER at the farm... she leveled an ARMY

MISC.

i stan herb + elliot

the handler is super conniving - i wasn’t expecting to dislike her this much

ngl i was rooting for fish-man

lila had me convinced she was crazy the first half ngl - also i guessed she was one of their lost siblings when she first fought five

the three swedes weren’t as fun as hazel + cha-cha but still decent

reginald continues to be #worstDadever

anyone else a little confused why he peeled his face off? s1 flashback he was in human form on his home-planet but apparently it’s a mask???

we saw the original grace!!! she was just as perfect as the robot version too!

BABY POGO IN HIS LITTLE JAMMIES MADE ME WANT TO SNUGGLE HIM SO BADLY - that is all

[kitten-anarchy]

frenemies (TUA Fanfic)

TUA | BAD THINGS HAPPEN BINGO

PROMPT: ENEMY TURNED CARETAKER

(ao3 link)

TWS: emetophobia (vomiting), the handler is kind of creepy (not sexually!! PSA: if i see anyone tag this as ship, i’m gonna break your kneecaps :D) = Five wakes to a pounding, ear-splitting headache.

His vision is blurry, black spots dancing in his vision, and he can barely keep himself from throwing up. Instinctively, his hands go to wipe his nose, expecting the usual trail of blood that comes with overusing his powers.  His hands come back dry - not even a fleck of dried blood on them.

Did I get kidnapped?

He bites back a groan of annoyance. Of course. Five is not unfamiliar with the infamous Hargreeves family luck. It's his own fault for letting his guard down; after getting stranded for forty-five years and stopping two apocalypses, he really should know better then to expect one day off.

Rubbing his aching head, Five takes stock of the room. It's a simple thing, four smooth stone walls with only a single door across from where he's sitting. Annoyingly enough, he's attached to a monitor and an IV. Normally, Five wouldn't think twice about removing the wires and jumping out, but just the thought of it makes his head spin.

He'll have to suck it up. You're fifty-eight years old, Five. You can handle a little pain. Get over yourself.

Five swings his legs off the bed, shivering slightly as his bare feet touch the cold concrete flooring. The freezing air easily penetrates the thin white hospital gown. He slowly makes his way towards the wooden door. It's annoying, feeling this weak and vulnerable. It doesn't help that he doesn't have access to his powers. At the very least, he can take comfort in the fact that his siblings aren't-

His siblings.

Fuck, where are his siblings? Are they in here with him? Shit. Shit.

Don't panic, Five, Dolores would say. Take a deep breath. I'm sure they're fine.

Right, right. They're thirty years old, and they can hold their own in a fight. They'll be fine.

(They're thirty years old, and they can hold their own in a fight, but that didn't help them against the end of the world.)

He starts making his way quicker to the door, ignoring the way the burning taste of bile that fills his mouth. He tries the door - it's locked. Of course it is.

He doesn't have time for this.

Five dislikes blinking into unknown areas - anyone or anything could be there, and while Five is confidant he can still put up a damn good fight if need be, he doesn't want to risk it. The wood is thin, though, and Five can't hear or see anything passing by. Concentrating, he blinks into a mostly empty hallway.

He throws up on the spot.

Sinking to his knees, Five chokes, phlegm and blood littering the bile splattering the cold cement flooring. The flickering fluorescent light bulb makes his nausea worse, and his eyes squeeze shut as another heave wracks his shaky, weak body.

His head spins.

Everything spins.

It all blurs together, and Five can't tell the walls from the floor from the ceiling from the door from the floor.

Between heaves, he can faintly make out the faint sound of footsteps. His powers don't work. His throw-up cools around his fingers, sticky and gross. His powers don't work. The footsteps grow louder. His powers don't work. Cool fingers card their way through his sweaty hair.

"Oh, Five," a voice tuts. The air suddenly smells sweet, crusty and sickeningly so, a faint undercurrent of smoke reminding Five of burnt caramel. He dry-heaves again. "Look at the mess you've made. Good little boys don't throw up on the floor."

Don't fucking patronize me, he wants to hiss but the words dry up in his throat as he looks up. The Handler smiles down at him, easily picking him up bridal style. "You should go back to bed," she says. "You're not well."

He struggles in her grip, clawing at her throat as her sharp nails dig deeper into his legs and shoulders. His limbs are weak, bones shaky like jelly. "Don't fucking touch me." Five snarls, clawing and scratching but she won't put him down. How the hell is she even alive? What the fuck does he have to do to make sure she dies and stays dead?

"Relax, dear," They aren't going back to the room, instead walking down the hallway. They pass by more doors, all the same - 009, 010, 011...  it just keeps going. Where the hell is she taking him? Where the hell is she taking him? "I don't know if you've noticed, but you're covered in vomit. You need a change of clothes, mister!"

"Where am I?" He tries to sound intimidating, or at least vaguely unaffected, and fails horribly. Five's voice fails him, hoarse and barely above a whisper. The Handler is enjoying this - he can tell. There's a slight curve to her mouth whenever she glances down at Five's small and pitiful form. She's in control here, and they both know it.

The Handler stumbles suddenly, jerking Five, and he buries his face into her stomach at the sharp burst of nausea. He can practically feel her smirk. "I don't know if I should tell you, Five," she sings as they continue down the hall. "What's the magic word?"

"Fuck you," he snaps. He hates this - weak, shaky, and feverish, stuck in the arms of a monster. "Fuck you." They enter the bathroom, grey and sterile, and she sets Five down on the toilet.

"That's not very nice," The Handler hums, running the bath water. "Say that you're sorry, Five." He's not, but she's walking towards him, and his powers don't work, and she's trapping him against the cold porcelain, and his powers don't work, and her sharp nails are digging their way down his neck, and his powers don't work-

"I'm sorry." He chokes out.

"I forgive you," she says, easily. "Now, let's get you into the tub."

"What the hell are you doing?" He snaps as her fingers reach to tug at the strings of his hospital gown. Five has no idea what she's planning, but he does know that the thin, flimsy fabric is the only barrier between him and her, and he intends to keep it that way.

The Handler chuckles. "You can't take a bath with clothes on, silly!'

"I'm not taking a bath while you're in here."

"Oh, but it's for your own good! I mean, just look at you!" she says slyly. Five bats away the hand reaching to stroke his cheek. "So weak and helpless... you're covered in your own sick. You need help. I'm a mother at heart, you know." Yeah, sure. She knows as much about parenting as his own father did. "You're so stubborn, Five. Fine, fine. I'll leave to get you some new clothes. If you slip and crack your head open, it's not my fault."

True to her word, she leaves, finally leaving him alone. There's no windows in here either, unfortunately, and the only vent he sees is far too small for even this stupid prepubescent form to fit into. The door is locked from the outside, and Five really doesn't want a repeat of last time.

Sighing, he unties the gown and steps into the lukewarm water. His limbs are still shaky and weak, and for a second Five really is convinced he'll crack his head open. Though it hurts to curl his fingers, he keeps a tight grip on the sides of the tub as he lowers himself down.

Some food would help him regain his strength - if his former employer is so obsessed with her little power play over him, maybe he can play to it and get something actually substantial out of it. If he bides his time, acting weak and nauseous, she'll get overconfident.

Maybe she'll even tell him where he is, to try and break his spirit.

For now, all Five can do is get clean. He tries not to focus on it too much - waste, waste, waste - and just goes through the motions as fast as he can. The only good thing is that the sharp pain in his head has dulled down to an ache. As he's wrapping himself up in a towel and stepping out, the door opens, and Five scrambles back, keeping the towel close to his body. "What the hell? Get out!"

She has the decency to keep her eyes closed, though that doesn't stop Five from fantasizing shoving her heels down her throat. "I'm just bringing you your clothes, Five! I even went through the trouble of getting something that wasn't a flimsy old hospital gown."

"I'm not changing in front of you-"

"I would never ask you to do that, Five," she huffs, eyes still closed, placing his clothes down onto the toilet. "I'm a mother, not a pedophile."

"Could've fooled me, seeing as you wanted to give me a bath."

"What can I say? You're only a little bit bigger than Lila when she was eight, and heaven knows she didn't know how to shampoo properly until she was ten."

"Well, I'm fifty-eight, and I do know how to take a bath by myself. Now, get out."

The Handler smiles indulgently. "Of course. I'll be right outside." Great. She leaves, the door locking with a click behind her. Thank god.

His fingers tremble violently as he buttons the red flannel shirt closed. It reminds him of something Vanya would wear, which brings him a little comfort. Vanya... does she think he left again? He has no idea how long he's been stuck in here. If they think he left, they won't look for him.

They won't look for him.

So what? It's only logical - you left once. Are they supposed to magically know you've been kidnapped? Get a grip, Five.

Sucking in a breath, he continues getting changed. The Handler had left him a pair of shorts that looked incredibly similar to his academy ones, and if it weren't for the fact that he had nothing else to wear, he would've gone out there and choked her out with them. Combined with some threadbare animal socks and black flats, Five is convinced she probably grabbed these at random out of Lila's closet just to piss him off. "I'm done," he calls out, not bothering to hide the bite in his voice.

She opens the door, giving him a wide smile. "Oh Five! You look absolutely lovely," she says, her hands fingers brushing the wet strands of hair out of his face. "Smell nice too."

"Fuck off."

"You really ought to be more polite," She hums, keeping a tight grip on shoulder and leading him down the cement halls. "You do want to eat, don't you?" They're approaching the same hallway from earlier, and though Five hasn't seen a single person, the vomit from earlier has been cleaned up, leaving the floors slick and shiny. The Handler opens the door to his room, pushing him inside. He doesn't bother fighting it - until he has enough energy, trying to run out would be suicide.

Still, he won't give her any satisfaction. "I'm not," His traitorous stomach takes that moment to rumble, and his ears burn at her smug smile. "Don't."

"Teenagers," she sighs. "Always so stubborn."

"You-" The door slams shut in his face, locking with a click.

-

When he wakes up again, he can smell spices and chicken. For a moment, he can pretend he's in his room, Grace bringing up a dish of soup on a cold winter's day when they've all inevitably gotten sick. The undertones of perfume ruin it.  "What do you want." Five feels marginally better after getting some rest, but the sight of the Handler's face threatens to make him sick all over again.

"Lunch, Five." She holds up a bowl of chicken soup, waving it around almost playfully. "I'm not going to let you go hungry."

"Why are you really doing this? What do you gain from playing house?" He can't take this anymore. He's tired, and all he wants is to stay with his fucking family. Is that so much to ask?

She's silent for once, expression unusually weary. For someone who's usually so arrogant, so confident in her plans, it's... unsettling. "How about this?" She finally says. "If you let me feed you, I'll answer your questions."

"...Fine." He needs answers more than he needs his dignity. Smiling, the Handler spoons some broth and holds it up to his lips. Ears burning, Five opens his mouth. It's not laced with anything, surprisingly enough, and it actually tastes good, though he would rather die than admit that to her face. They sit in relative silence, her feeding him one spoonful at a time until the last drops are scraped from the bowl and down his throat. "I want-"

"Answers, yes, I know," she sighs, setting the bowl down. "Always straight to the point. How are your hands?" He's about to snap at her for changing the subject but... they do burn, despite looking unblemished. Now that he's regained his strength, it's worrying - he uses his hands as a conduit for his powers. His powers that still aren't working, he realizes, the little tear he's used to feeling in his chest clumsily stapled shut. With no way to release them, the familiar hum of his powers burning feels almost unbearable under his skin. "Not good, I presume?"

"Why do you care?" He snaps.

"I care, Five, because you're, unfortunately, the only hope of escaping this place." She snaps back, and the fact that she's told him anything remotely honest is chilling enough, but her next words leaves a cold pit in his stomach. "Welcome to the basement level of Hotel Oblivion, Five.”

...She's not lying.

"...Shit."

[dadsbongos]

Hargreeves Kids in Order of Their Problems (and do i have a problem?)

No secret that the Hargreeves children are all fucked up, but as I was re-watching I was like damn - what if we ranked them? So here we go, I’m ranking all the Hargreeves’ spawn by their pain; taking into account their trauma with and without Reginald (mostly for Five/Klaus) and how bad it messed them up. I’ll be sticking mostly to the first season because that’s where a lot of the meat is, but I might include a tiny peek into season two.

Also, I will be directly addressing the frequent question I ask myself “Am I attracted to trauma when it comes to characters?” by looking at my favorites and if they’re all deeply scarred.

S Tier Pain - Five Hargreeves:

Not only was he forced to endure Reginald’s abusive training regime (at least until the haha moment), but he also got stuck in the future after a miscalculated time jump. You’d think that’d be bad enough, what with no longer being able to see your family, but no. Well, technically he did see them when he found their dead bodies but that’s just more to Five’s suffering. He also got jammed into a post-Apocalyptic life where he was the sole survivor and had to live all on his own (though he had Dolores, which is a whole can of sad, loneliness worms we don’t have time for). Then to make matters worse he was taken into the Commission where he was turned into as assassin for years, to which he quit early to save his family from the Apocalypse. After the first one - yes, the first - and arriving in the 60s, Five got to see a glimpse of his siblings dying to the second one. All he ever does is for his family’s survival, even if it means his misery. In season one (and two) he makes a deal with the Handler, who he can’t stand, just to

maybe

 ensure she’ll protect his loved ones from the end of the world. He willingly works with a woman he hates and likely doesn’t trust so his family would be safe. And who could forget that redheaded lady in the bowling alley, like gosh, she really ruined his life by assuming his age like that... poor guy.

A Tier Pain - Klaus Hargreeves:

Unlike Five, he got to stick around for the entirety of Reggie’s cuck ways of abusing his kids physically/emotionally/mentally. From a young age (if that episode two lunch scene is anything), Klaus has been using drugs as a way to cope with his family life and his power. His addiction has led to a rather sad life, as evident from the first episode and some of his own dialogue - he’s not used to staying in one place, if anything his visits to rehab centers are the longest homes he really has. He’s not expected to stay sober long by the counter employee, indicating he’s been there before multiple times. When talking to Five outside of the prosthetic department, he outright admits he hasn’t been with someone for longer than about two weeks. He’s never shown to even hold down a job unless you count supplying local pawn shops - or, you know, the army. He served in war, straight up war, he likely has PTSD and to make things better, note the sarcasm, he lost his boyfriend in that war. Dave, the one person he’s described as loving more than he does himself. Klaus is constantly brushed under the rug as this crazy, attention-seeking junkie for most of season one by his family, but he’s more likely just calling for the help he clearly needs. Speaking of his family, I just wanna throw in that Klaus was kidnapped and tortured and not one person seemed to notice or even care.

B Tier Pain - Vanya Hargreeves:

Neglected by her adoptive father and siblings her entire life, Vanya was left out of the loop of even her own powers until she discovered them fucking decades later. She wrote a book trying to air out her father’s awful deeds and rather than finding solidarity with their shared agony at least a little, her siblings pushed her even further away. Quick mention, during the argument on whether or not to turn off Grace, she was immediately shut down on an opinion until she was shown to agree with Diego. Her vote didn’t matter until she sided with another sibling. Vanya grew up so starved for attention and love that when she got into her first relationship with Leonard (that bitchy murderer) she mistook it for a real love. Stayed with an abusive, gaslighting killer against all her sister’s warnings. She was betrayed by her own brother (fuck Luther, me and the homies hate Luther) after coming home, sobbing and pleading forgiveness, just wanting to help into being locked back in that vault Reginald used to keep her in. Vanya snapped, felt there was no other outlet and truly there possibly wasn’t for her, and ended the world. She was in so much pain, so angry with her life and how it was ruined by her own family that she blew up the moon. And honestly? I’m not even mad at her for it.

C Tier Pain - Diego Hargreeves:

Dude found his ex-girlfriend’s - and probably his potential love interest’s - corpse. He’s aching inside at least a bit. His spot as Number Two fueled a deep need to prove himself, whether he admits it or not, it’s why he’s a vigilante. Diego functions off of stopping crime and it’s only different from his childhood because he does it alone. He feels the need to validate what he went through, as if his suffering needs to be explained in some way. Speaking of childhoods, who gives them to us? Moms. Grace is his robo-Mom with no real sentience (well, before Cha-Cha and Hazel raided the place anyway, reboot Grace has some weird independence complex going on). She read to him, put him to bed, and fed his Mama’s Boy fixation - even going as far as to help Diego with his stutter. He put her down, in the robot sense. Diego was the first person to speak against shutting Grace down and yet he did so himself - knowing it’s what had to happen.

D Tier Pain - Ben Hargreeves:

He’s dead, so I’m not sure what he’s gone through other than having “The Horror” in his stomach and Reginald as a dad. So there’s not much to say about his trauma other than having to sit through watching people die horribly by his power’s hand. But again, he’s dead, and dying is one of the most traumatic things I can think of. That’s why he’s higher than the others but still lower than the previous four Hargreeves’ kids.

E Tier Pain - Allison Hargreeves:

She’s known as a “Daddy’s Girl” how that’s possible with Reginald, I’m not sure, but she is. Not to excuse any of the torment she got as a child or give the abuse a pass, at all. It’s just an inference that as Number Three and someone who easily got what she wanted with her power, she probably didn’t feel out-casted like Vanya. Nor was she left to survive on her own and then kill to live like Five. Allison, in all fairness, was viciously attacked by her sister after revealing she “Rumored” her memory away. Unlike Ben, she survived and went on to be the peaceful one of the family and her power didn’t directly kill, especially in ways that “The Horror” did. So I must rank her pain lower with a sad bob in my throat, nervous that all the Allison lovers will scream at/cancel me for putting her at E.

F Tier Pain - Luther Hargreeves:

Fuck Luther, me and the homies hate Luther. This little fuck found something out of proving himself to his father. So far up his dad’s ass that he was cool with being a monkey space boy for years until he realized Reginald didn’t give a shit about him. And honestly? Same. No but really, he did become a monkey man purely out of Reginald’s need for a hero to do what he said - and Luther couldn’t fill that if he was dead. I do recognize that his life was essentially wasted by his years spent on the moon, blindly following Dad’s orders but to be honest, he’s too in the background. He had nothing other than his father and therefore lost nothing other than his family, it’s hard to feel bad when you know he had no intention of doing anything other than be by Reginald. No plans unlike Klaus who had his life decimated by his drugs dependency or fuck, Five! Five had absolutely no life other than living through the Apocalypse for decades. Overall, I hate Luther but even though I can’t stand his gorilla guts, I do recognize that he has trauma.

~~~Do I Have A Problem?~~~ Considering that Five and Klaus are my favorite characters and they are the most traumatized? Yes, I am unnecessarily in love with characters in pain. I didn’t want to be a mannequin before I knew about Five, and now I crave to morph into Dolores (or at least combine with her like a Power Ranger)

[collidingxworlds]

[prompt for 5] Dean pulled up a stool, cautiously slipping a large coffee in front of kid?! Before settling enough to take a small sip of his own. He couldn't deny he was detracted, who wouldn't be with a dress up mannequin staring at him with an unnerving glance! "So ... Who's your friend?"

Unprompted asks & cues || Always Accepting !

Five’s day wasn’t proceeding smoothly, but perhaps he shouldn’t have been so surprised. Nothing had moved in the direction he had been hoping for since he had decided to exploit the opening his last job at the Commission had offered him to jump back in time and join his siblings once again.

His body had reverted back to the age he had been when he had firstly got stuck in the Apocalypse. His adoptive father was dead, and what a shitty timing for him to be. His siblings had grown into emotionally constipated adult-children who couldn’t share a room for ten minutes before starting a fight. The only lead he had, the eye, was starting to look more and more like a dead end.

And, especially, no one seemed to want to listen to him. The world was about to end in a matter of days and they were all too involved in their personal crap to give a damn. Seriously, it made him wonder why he was even trying. He wished he could have solved the issue on his own, but, clearly, that would have been impossible. Too good to be true.

Oh, and of course there was the matter of the two agents the Handler had sent after him. Hazel and Cha-Cha might have not been the brightest at times, but no one could deny that they were very skilled at what they did. Not as much as he was, but still enough to be both a bother and a problem.

“What? No, Dolores, I’m not thinking about throwing in the fucking towel. It’s billions of people we’re talking about here. And I’ve seen my family dead once already, I don’t want a rewind of that, alright?” The Boy huffed, shaking his head and shooting his companion a look. “Just...They are idiots, okay? And it gets on my nerves.”

The mannequin seemed to reply with a somewhat stern look.

“Hey! That’s not true! I did try to talk to them! And you know what that did? They got in my way when they should have not! They don’t like how I do things...among the rest.”

The gaze remained unwavering.

“Try harder? Oh, easy for you to say. Why don’t you give it a try, hn? See if you have a better luck with it.”

A heavy sigh escaped Five’s lips and he glared down at his empty cup. He should really ask for a refill. Or maybe tried to get something stronger than coffee. “Sorry, Dolores. I’m not mad at you. But all this shit is getting very, very frustrating.”

He lapsed into silence, mulling over whether he should have asked for another mug or just left, but the choice was made for him when a large cup of steaming coffee was set right in front of him without prompting or warning.

Five blinked, once and slowly. He wasn’t used to be caught off guard and he did not like it, for several, quite obvious reasons, but he couldn’t have really complained when the surprise came in the form of a drink, alcoholic or caffeine.

Lips pursing, he turned to glance at the man who had taken a seat on the stool next to the one he himself was perched on. His face didn’t ring any bell, so he was quite sure that they had never met. Also, his clothes screamed everything but “mercenary” or “Commission”, which should have been a good thing. Not that the Boy had any intention of offering him a chance to become a threat for him. He didn’t have time for more problems.

“She is the only company worth the trouble in the whole timeline,” he still replied, a hint of hostility lacing on his voice. He lifted the cup he had been brought, suspiciously sniffing it, but his eyes never left the stranger. “Do you always go around and ask about other people’s lady company, young man? Someone might consider it rude, you know? And, while I appreciated the drink, I’m currently very busy here. So, if you don’t have any business with me, you might want to kindly fuck off.”

[zontiky]

Day 8: Eyeball

@totallyevan​ has a prompt list which i am too tired to find and link right now

read it on ao3

warning for mild gore and intrusive thoughts. (which entail blood, gore, and self-harming/self-destructive thoughts). additionally, suicidal thoughts/suicidal ideation (no actual suicide). also possibly disassociation?

_____

His coffee is sitting in front of him on the table, practically untouched. Five is leaning on his elbows, twirling the glass eye in his fingers. The glazed pupil stares at him. He wants to squeeze his fist tight enough to crack the glass.

He turns the brown iris away from himself and examines the serial number on the back. He doesn't need to, not really. He's memorized the string of digits decades ago. The eye is almost as much of a comfort as Dolores, with how long he's had it for. Longer than her, even.

His feet make no sound against the ground as he stumbles to the hand sticking out of the rubble. The ash is already falling on him, flakes of dry, burnt material fluttering down on his uniform from the sky. It sets on his nose, threatening to inch into his eyes and leave him blind, gasping in pain.

The bloody and burnt hand is clenching something between its fingers. Five takes another unsteady step towards it, letting his eyes trace over the wide blunt fingernails and bloodstained skin of the limb. There is ash settling in the creases of flesh.

He pries open the literal death grip, and is left with a prosthetic eye in his hand, still wet with blood.

In a second he will find a tattoo on a body that once belonged to his brother. The ash falls.

"What's up with him?"

Five keeps twisting the eye this way and that. He throws it up into the air, barely two inches, and catches it again. He wants to rip out his own eye and put the fake into the socket, see if it'll fit.

The eye slips from his fingers and it's like everything slows down. The eye falls through the air, landing on the ground with a plink. Five screams.

He falls to his knees, shaking hands not hesitating to start looking through the infertile dirt. His fingers brush a smooth surface.

He grabs onto the eye and presses it towards his chest. Five sobs.

"Hell if I know. Five, you in there?"

He wants to set it down, but then it would roll away and disappear over the edge of the table, shattering on the floor. Five has gone to hell and back for this eye. He has endured hands on his shoulders and hands around his throat and his own hands itching grooves into his skin. He isn’t giving this up. Not now, not yet, not ever.

The Handler grins at him and gives his forearm a quick squeeze, something sinister in her gaze. The glass in his suit pocket feels warmer.

“Five.”

He could die. He could die right now, just take his neck in his hands and squeeze the life out of himself. He could take a butterknife and plunge it into the back of his head, leaving it there and adding another. He could take a gun and press it against his stomach. He could do so, so many things. There are at least three objects in his line of vision right now that he could use to kill himself with.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” says Dolores. “Don’t. Fucking- Fuck. Five, get down. Get down, right now. I swear, Five-”

He stands on the ledge a bit longer, teetering in the wind, and only after she starts crying does he climb down from the jagged cliff of architectural remains.

“Five!”

His scars itch. His mind burns.

Somebody puts a hand on his shoulder. Five flinches, squeezing his fist tight. The glass eye slips from his fingers and falls into his mug, sending coffee splattering onto his shirt.

[maevelin]

Episode 1x06 

1. Such an opening scene! 

And Klaus remembering Dave and throwing away the drugs in the toilet. OMG!

And the reason for Klaus wanting to get sober! MY HEART!

“His name was Dave...”

And my baby loved so much and so hard that fought to the first line only to lose the one he loved...he is a war hero that lost his love...Dave died in his hands...and for him it must be so raw and so soon...and now the world is ending and all he wants is to see Dave again...only that...I JUST FEEL THINKS OKAY?

Klaus’ story with Dave was so pure and beautiful. And tragic. Why? Why did it have to be tragic? I can’t take this anymore. This type of storytelling always seems to end in one endgame and it is always death and pain and I am sick of it. And especially in Klaus’ case it just...I can’t! Okay? I CANNOT!

And I know I am generally allergic to fluff but in this case...why couldn’t we get the rainbows and the unicorns and the puppies? WHY?

And then Klaus finally saw Dave again...and the timeline was erased...I just...

2. I just love Diego’s and Klaus’ scenes! Seriously and I am soaking them up like a sponge! And the fact that Klaus turned to Diego for help!

They can be funny and sad at the same time. 

It was so sad that only Ben could see him struggling with his withdrawal symptoms. 

But then Diego stepped up...out of all his siblings he is the one that is there for Klaus. He makes it seem as if he is annoyed but it is such a brotherly thing to do. And truly Diego feels that he has let his mom and Eudora down but he is not letting Klaus down too and that gets me! He truly cares. It just gets me! Precious baby!

And in return...Klaus needs to ...pee LMFAO! 

I also love Diego’s scenes with his mom. She is definitely feeling things. I would like to see more of that.

Pogo is annoying me to be honest. Supposedly he cares and is wise and is there for the siblings and is a better father figure but no...he is just as problematic as Reginald was in my eyes. He supported this toxicity, he still does and apocalypse or not that is a shitty thing to do to children.

3. Hazel was right. Boy he was right. Five is a legend! My deadly little thing! 

YEAH BABY...FIVE IS A LEGEND! A FREAKING LEGEND!

Five’s scenes are electric! And his showdown with the Handler...AWESOME!

At this point I can’t choose between who I like more, Five or Klaus? I am more sentimental for Klaus for sure and I love him all the way but Five...Five is my iconic kind of character! Badass to the bone and legendary! Not to mention a cynic with a heart and a sarcastic disposition! My bitter cinnamon roll of an assassin! My precious little hit man! Brilliant, manipulative, kicking ass taking names, lethal, a killer, so done with life but still a survivor! A pragmatist and a dreamer.,,with an unhealthy obsession for coffee, alcohol and...Dolores...WHAT IS NOT TO LIKE?

Boy oh boy it is always the same characters! 

4. Vanya’s guy is such a creeper. Every time he is in a scene I cringe. And you can see how creepy he is. It is just so sad that Vanya is unable to see it because she was treated so horribly in her life that even a shred of kindness can blind her so because she is starving for it. Her father did a number on her. If we are honest all her family did.

That book though...to keep her sedated...Vanya finding that book will definitely push her off the edge.

And her powers...with the apocalypse coming...it’s her powers that lead to it right? 

She will go out like a bomb of something? It would make sense because if the drugs were the cause of keeping her emotions on a leash and repressing them along with her powers now that the leash is gone and after all this time of repressing her powers and feeling worthless she is like a ticking bomb ready to go off. Who thought it would be a good idea to do that to her? That fucked up excuse of a father she had for sure (what an asshole indeed!) but no matter how destructive her powers can be it does not take a genius to understand that bottling up emotions and suppressing them along with powers of such scale is like just delaying the inevitable and creating the right circumstances for a freaking big bang. Those powers laying dormant for so long and Vanya building up all those negative emotions inside her that she can now feel...well shit...Why not train Vanya like her siblings? Maybe her powers were uncontrollable but this alternative does not seem much better.

5.  LOL at Luther’s revelation...we died...I said...WE DIED...LMAO

But all jokes aside...

My heart broke for him in this episode. Poor baby. To be sent to the moon. To exile. All alone. A monster hidden from the world. With no love, no support, no humanity. It is dreadful. 

I honestly don’t understand how a person can fuck up their children in so many ways each one of them individually but also collectively. 

And Luther that always looked up to his father and in the end all he wanted was for his dad to be proud of him. Despite all the abuse he trusted him. Truth is though that if he was leader material and if he wanted to be the leader of his team, a team created by his family, then he should have responded to that abuse and tried to make it stop. For him and for his siblings. He just averted his eyes and found excuses for what his father was doing both to him and his siblings and I don’t blame him because he was also an abused victim but in the end it was all coming to this. In the same way it happened with the rest of his siblings. 

“I was never good to be number one.”

That’s the thing though. I don’t think that his number means what he thought it meant. Best case scenario it was a lucky pick by a negligent asshole, or the babies were born the same day but not in the exact time so their numbers just showcase which one is the oldest....however worst case scenario for Luther anyway is that his father probably labeled the children based on the potential of their powers starting from the most basic level one in the power scale leading up to the strongest while is probably Vanya that reaches the highest and most dangerous level of power. In that case Luther was probably the weakest link.

Also let us face it. When Tom cries...boy that shit hurts. He has very expressive eyes. He is like a big sad bear that you want to hug when he gets like that.

6. Allison’s and Luther’s romance story on the other hand...Yikes...thanks NO THANKS.

That was probably the only normal fatherly reaction their dad had when he caught them....

.....and then it was because they played out of schedule..moron...

And when I said I wanted more from Allison’s storyline...this is not what I meant...and yeah it was always brewing but YUCK!

P.s” 

- “What are we? Chopped Liver?” Well Cha Cha one can hope! For you anyway! Hazel, the work bee can drive away in the sunset with the bird waitress LOL

- I loved how one of Hazel’s motivations to stop the apocalypse is to have the freedom to kill whomever he wants and not those the Commission wants LOL

- The Commission has to go!

- Side note: As much as I despise that incest thing between Allison and Luther...admittedly in their dance scene I’d be blind not to notice that Tom Hopper is hella fine! I mean...damn! 

[the-time-travelers-admirer]

Things I've seen people call Five:

Stinky

Manchild

Murdering Manchild

A baby

A child

Gremlin

Anything that draws attention to his body and patronizes him

And I've even seen people blatantly call Five a narcissist which is BLATANTLY BUCK FUCKIN WILD because he isn't and he doesn't even have narcissistic tendencies and he sure has hell doesn't manipulate people and or use them for his own personal gain, he's the one that's been used and manipulated by narcissistic people because they were disguised as people that seemed to care for him(His father and The Handler)

And people always want to call him an arrogant asshole just because his self confidence, self assurance, and his ego is in tact. And let's not talk about how there are so many people that make fun of his love for Dolores and want to call her just an unhealthy coping mechanism instead of what she actually is which is someone and something deeply meaningful.

To be honest, out of the rest of the siblings, Five has been treated the worst since he's been back and for no reason.

Since he's been back he's been kicked, punched, shot at, had his body riddled with bullets by someone he once cared for, thrown down some stairs twice, has been slammed into walls, had his face smashed into a mirror, almost stabbed, had the life almost sucked out of him twice, almost died from blood loss from the shrapnel wound in his gut, lost an arm(even though he got it back I'm sure the pain he had experienced when he lost it was blinding), been hit in the face with a cast iron pan, had a fuckton of bricks fall on him, and he's been back handed so hard by a guardian that it split his cheek open.

And then let's add how no one ever takes him seriously, patronizes him, and invalidates him because of how he looks.

And because Luther wasn't getting his way, he legit was going to throw Dolores out the damn window without a care. A shitty tactic. Five was visibly shaking and was scared in that scene and validly full of anger.

Now let's add how he's always tried to protect and keep his family alive while they never have his back and are quick to throw him under the bus and blame shift onto him for no fucking reason.

Five has been purely driven on nothing but pure hope and love all of his life and no one cares.

Five is always taken for granted and it's absolute bullshit.

I swear the only one that has ever really cared for him and takes the time to listen to him is Klaus and it shows.

He suffered close to 50 years of pure isolation and survival to get back to his family, and for what?

He's never even gotten so much as a "Are you okay...?" Or an "I missed you..."

It's fucked up. I'm tired of Five being the scapegoat. But with how Season 3 ended, I don't see that changing anytime soon.

Five is the most loving and loveable character I have ever seen and how he's treated is bullshit.

There are so many people on here that claim that they love him, but still patronize him and call him a child when they know damn well that would make him hate them.

And I've even seen people that claim they love him and think he's attractive and yet when they see his true older looking face they call him ugly...

Yeah, towards Five, a lot of people suck and are cruel towards him.

And yet, I'm over here being called biased.

It's truly maddening.

People that genuinely make fun of Five on purpose for no reason, call him a child, call him a bunch of shitty ass names, patronize and invalidate him, and blatantly infantilize him, make fuckin me queasy.

If you do any of this at all unironically, DNI.

I'm not fucking around anymore. My sweetness and patience towards people have taken too many hits lately and I'm tired.