#but fuck i wish i was getting a normal social experience

[lunarsapphism]

was trying to look for a picture of my desk at college cause i needed to remember the configuration so i can use it as a reference to look for a new desk for my room and made myself sad instead

[phagodyke]

thinking abt the touden siblings got me sniffling and weeping....

[blueish-bird]

sorry if I don’t remember your name or conversations/experiences or basic things about myself, every few weeks my brain gets factory reset and I have to relearn how to be alive

[zombholic]

I needddd more modern Abby relationship au

[your wish is my command, kinda like twisted it up so like … 😔🙌🏽]

MODERN AU — abby anderson

— 🎧　　 ◦ ✺ 　 📽　 ⟢ —

• she would definitely really be into gaming when she has free time, a couple of posters and figurines of her favorite video game characters.

• abby met you in high school but yall never spoke because of two completely different social status’, abby was the captain on her ice hockey team and you only hung out with 3 people, you were social but just never liked anyone.

• you would definitely visit the ice skating rink while there was practice whenever it was scorching hot day, it was always cool there.

• abby would notice you from time to time but mind you she was straight in high school, she thought it was normal to imagine making out with girls.

• abby thought it was completely normal staring at you in your tight shorts that were so close to being dress coded was normal, nothing else … right?

• college rolled around and you both attended the same university, she was focused on getting her degree in civil engineering ( @atomicami ) while you were there more for the college experience always switching majors because you’re very indecisive.

• you would constantly see that girl at every party you went to, she was definitely very popular while you stayed keeping to yourself and your 3 friends.

• at one party you got a little too rowdy since it was a halloween party and the music was just feeling too good not to feel cocky for once (escapism was def playing.)

• you had your drink in one hand dancing around, finally feeling yourself for once until your turned around too quickly causing you to crash into that blonde who was built like a fucking brick wall you drink falling on the both of you.

“What the fuck!” She shouted through the loud music booming throughout the house “I’m so sorry! let me help you!” You grabbed her hand and lead her to the bathroom where the music faded in the background when the door shut.

You grabbed the hand towel that was hanging by the mirror and quickly started pat her dry “I’m so sorry dude, i’ll buy you a new costume.” She couldn’t keep her eyes off of you for some reason.

“No, it’s fine. Hey didn’t we go to high school together?” She sparked up a conversation, you nodded to her response “Yeah, it’s like I saw you all the time but we never talked.” You giggled while she had a small smile creeping on her face.

• after that day she asked for you number and you guys talked to each other 24/7 she basically became your best friend.

• you two would hangout at her apartment all the time playing Minecraft together, you would give her Minecraft flowers while she was there tryna survive.

• the relationship between you two was always so flirty and touchy, you hated when anyone would touch you or even show you affection but when it was Abby you swore you melted every time.

• whenever you two went anywhere together that had a lot of people she kept her arm wrapped around your waist securely, didn’t want your little ass running off.

• one day at her apartment it was in the middle of the night and you guys had the zoomies, running around the apartment and play fighting.

“Your punches feel like pebbles being thrown at me.” Abby teased before grabbing your wrists with one hand and twisting them behind your back.

“Abby that fucking hurts you slut!” You and Abby always have been rough with each other ever since you became friends, don’t know why though?

“Slut? Did you call me a slut you weirdo.” She hollered as she threw you over her shoulder and slapped your ass so hard you almost cried but the wetness in your panties said something else. “You slap too fucking hard can you don’t you fucking buffalo built bitch.” You returned the favor and slapped her ass back.

Abby sat you down on the kitchen counter as she stood between your legs “You’re so annoying.” She teased with a stupid cocky grin that you wanted to kiss slap off her face, you rolled your eyes at her.

“What’re you doing for Valentine’s day?” You tilted your head looking up at her through your lashes, god every time you looked at her like that her stomach twisted in so many ways. “Why? tryna ask me out?” You pushed her shoulder playfully you tried to hide the little smile that was forming on your face.

“You’re gross no, I wanted to know so we can make each other baskets.” You and Abby had started this cute tradition with each other whenever a special holiday came around rather it be halloween, birthday or valentines day or even if one of you guys were feeling yall would make comfort baskets for each other.

“I wish we could hang that day but I gotta date.” You felt your whole body tense up, sitting up straight you swallowed thickly “With who? you’re like supposed to tell me everything.” You farrowed your brows, crossing your arms over your chest.

• she went on a fucking date with nora, your felt your heart ache so painfully when you saw her insta story with her and nora kissing with the caption “prettiest first date 💟”

• lets say you started avoiding her like the plague, you basically went no contact with her, didn’t block her you just muted her on everything.

• abby was genuinely so heartbroken that her best friend was avoiding her, every since valentines day she just couldn’t seem to ever see you again. even on days where she would usually see you in your spot you weren’t there, like you vanished off the face of the earth.

• god she blowed up your phone like crazy it physically pained you to avoid her but you refused to be the best friend who has feelings while shes in a relationship, you couldn’t do that to her.

— 🎧　　 ◦ ✺ 　 📽　 ⟢ —

authors note — god forbid i make a happy fucking story 😔🙌🏽

[nekropsii]

People in the Cronus v. Vriska debate will also completely ignore that Cronus. Really wants to kill people. He just says that. No obfuscation included.

He doesn’t even have any excuse for it. Vriska killing people makes sense because she grew up on Alternia and had to feed her Lusus. Cronus just wants to kill people because he wants to do murder-eugenics and is really fucking mad murder-eugenics isn’t legal and does in fact have social consequences. Cronus just wants to kill disabled people for being disabled and not get in trouble for it. He explicitly says he wishes culling “meant what it should have” on Beforus.

Vriska was born and raised on Alternia, and that’s not her fault. It is, in fact, an entirely new level of fucking deranged to want Alternian laws to be real. Growing up in a system where killing people deemed below you is okay is different from wishing you lived in a system where killing people deemed below you is okay, because growing up there inherently means that that is already normal to you, while wishing that was the case inherently means it is not normal to you, you just want more harm to befall specific out groups (the lower class, the disabled, etc.) and to hurt more people in more violent ways.

People also love to casually ignore that Cronus is a grown adult. Like, sure, he’s 19, and 19 years old is pretty young in the grand scheme of things, but he is still a grown ass man who knows better. Him knowing better and simply not caring is literally a major part of his character. He is a grown ass man who can make his own legal decisions and live on his own. He can pay taxes. He could buy a house. He could invest in the stock market. In some countries, he can legally drink. He can drive. He can drink and drive. He can go die in the military. He’s grown. He’s a grown ass man. Vriska is 13. That is a child. Like, a CHILD child. Vriska is a middle school child. This is the difference between a middle schooler and a college student. Think of how mentally developed you were at 13. You weren’t even done with puberty yet. You’re not even done growing at that age. Cronus can fucking vote. He can go to adult prison. If you spotted a kid Vriska’s age out roaming the street with no guardian in sight, you’d probably be worried.

A major part of Cronus’s character is that he is a terrible person by choice, willingly, knowingly, and does not care. He is making a decision. Him being shitty and awful is a conscious choice he is making. He knows he is hurting people, and he knows what he is doing is terrible, and he does not care. Cronus knows that trying to bang children 6 years his junior is bad. He doesn’t care. He knows he is abusing Mituna, he calls it abuse, and he knows abuse is bad. He doesn’t care. He knows sex crimes are bad. He doesn’t care. He’s too entitled to care about anyone but himself and his own gratification.

Vriska is a 13 year old anti-hero who literally gets groomed and is shown to only be Like That because she is extremely traumatized and her experience of living on Alternia has made it so her guard is up 24/7. She literally cannot put the metaphorical swords down. She thinks it’s the only thing keeping her alive.

Cronus does not have an excuse.

That is, like… The Point.

The point is that he sucks and is irredeemable. He doesn’t have a single quality that makes standing around him worthwhile. He’s a relentless, unapologetic abuser. He just doesn’t care. He’s the most entitled man to ever live. He sees people as punching bags and sex toys, and any time this notion is rejected or faces even the slightest pushback, he freaks the fuck out about it.

And the point with Vriska is that she is complicated, and a child. A really, really traumatized, really, really scared child.

I don’t know, I think there’s a party here that is objectively worse.

… And - hear me out! - I think… I think it’s the adult sex predator… And not the child.

[drdemonprince]

I was wondering if you have any thoughts on age gaps in relationships? I really struggle with basically everybody talking about this. I’ve seen a lot of grooming in my friends/community, where I can see they’ve normalized some of the abuse they’ve been through and say stuff like “age is just a number” and then also continue to take advantage of people younger than them + in disempowered situations. And this feels obviously bad and more common than at least how much we collectively acknowledge it. And then I also see people who obsess over the number 18 and legal adulthood that makes no sense to me. Like all the “age in bio!!!” 18+ nonsense on tumblr that doesn’t actually seem like it would do anything to protect or help kids in any way. Or like how consent laws often treat 18 (or some other age) as suddenly when you’re able to consent to any other age but certainly when I turned 18 and the years after that I felt exploited by people older than me. But then I also know that people have positive relationships with people much older/younger than them, you talk about this. So how do we actually talk about this stuff without falling into bad thinking?

I think people need to adopt a far richer understanding of the many dynamics of power that enter into any kind of relationship, and realize that a relationship having a power dynamic within it does not preclude it from being a kind of relationship that can and does often happen. We should be operating out of the assumption that human beings will continue to get into relationships, some of them abusive, and that we must find a means of providing for them when they wish to escape rather than restricting their autonomy or believing that there is a singular type of person who can be easily identified as abusive.

Most human relationships, romantic or not, are impacted in some way by differences in age, gender, race, access to financial resources, and other sources of power. We have to ask ourselves whether the state should ever have a role in managing the power dynamics that emerge in human relationships or in determining which kinds of relationships are permitted to exist. I do not think it should. I don't think the state can ever be trusted to manage human affairs in a way that benefits the people with less power.

There are a variety of aspects of a person's status in the world with regard to power that is often related to their age, but rarely in a straightforward way -- ability level, financial standing, sexual and romantic experience, legal personhood, education, and established social connections are *related* to age, but it's not the case that every older person has more of these things than every younger person, and indeed, as we grow older, we often lose access to many of these things and become far more disempowered.

There are also a variety of intersections such as race, gender, legal disability, and citizenship status that dramatically influence whether a person is ever even seen as "an adult human being" under the eyes of the law. Many people who are adults in age-wise do not have that legal and social standing of "full human adulthood" and that is relevant to these things.

Of course, when people ask about this they don't always care to know my views on the law (I don't think there should be an age at which you become a person, I think everybody should be a full person no matter their age), they also want to have what emotionally troubles them about the abuse of minors to be soothed. And to that I will say yeah, like a lot of people I was sexualized as a child in ways that seriously damaged me, I have seen many exploitative relationships between older people and younger people (as well as the reverse), and when I see a thirty-something dating a teenager I do think it's gross as fuck at best.

I just don't really think the state declaring that certain highly vulnerable categories of people are not people is ever going to be a strong defense against abuse. I think it makes abuse more likely and legally facilitates it in fact. I think, as troubling as it might be for us to wrap our heads around from under the current paradigm, giving all people body autonomy and full legal personhood and providing all people the resources they need to live comfortably and safely are the way that we minimize relational abuse of all kinds. Not just adults dating and abusing minors, but adult children abusing their senile parents, white partners abusing their Black loved ones, non-physically-disabled people abusing the disabled people they are supposed to be caretaking, and on and on.

[mypearlsareclutched]

If This Is All That's Real

High By The Beach | Chapter Seven

Modern!Aegon II x Original Female Character, Modern!Aemond x Original Female Character

Life is now getting better, slowly but surely, for both Mila Stark and Aegon Targaryen. Perhaps there is hope for the future, if they can continue to keep things uncomplicated. But how long can things be uncomplicated when you're fucking your ex-boyfriends older brother in their family beach house?

This feels the tiniest little bit fillery, but it's got some very steamy smut, romance and some good angsty feels. Next chapter is written and will be posted later today so you guys don't have to suffer for long <3 Enjoy!!! x

Song inspiration | High By The Beach, Lana Del Rey

CW//TW: Sexual Content (MDNI, 18+), PIV sex, catching feelings, mentions of toxic families, romantic smut, love confessions during the deed, ye olde climax, discussions of the future, Aegon is so OOC because he's just a lil sweetie pie in this, not lore accurate.

Word count | 3.5k

previous chapter // next chapter

And so they began their... relationship? Friends with benefits situationship, that sounds better.

Over the next week, life became simple. For the first time since her parents died, Mila Stark knew what it was like to feel normal. Like her life wasn't some social experiment created by the gods to see how much one girl can take.

And it seemed like Aegon felt the same.

They slept early and woke up late, wrapped up in soft sheets that cover their bare bodies. They cooked together, and ate breakfast on the beach. They spent their days occupying their time with . Aegon would draw, Mila would read, sat together on the dusty living room sofa with her legs over his. As the sun set, they wrapped themselves up in each other, basking in mind-numbing, no strings attached sex.

They were best friends who fucked like lovers. There's nothing wrong with that, right?

But when he held her gently in the mornings, pressing her back to his chest as he snored gently, his hands wrapped around her protectively, Mila wondered if there was more to their relationship.

Aemond never cuddled. The most Mila could get was an arm wrapped around her after they made love. Sometimes he would wake up holding her, but she could never bask in that. When he woke, he would rush off immediately. Like holding her would ruin the peace that they had.

'Afraid to get too close,' is what Halaena had said to her once. Aemond had her, yet he kept her at arm's length. It seemed like Aegon had the opposite problem. He knew she wasn't his, so he cherished the moments he had her in his space. Arms wrapped around her like she was his.

And as she watched his peaceful, sleeping face in the mornings, Mila truly wished she was.

Mila stands at the window, looking out at the ocean beyond. She held the pay-as-you-go phone in her hand, flipping it around as she watched the waves crash against the rocks.

She needed to talk to her brother. After Aegon's insistence the morning after their first night together, Mila sent Cregan a text message. Aegon had rolled his eyes, stating she needed to grow a pair and talk to him face to face. Cregan had yet to respond, so Mila knew she needed to actually call him.

Sighing, she switched on the phone, listening to the twinkling beeping sound as she nervously bit her thumb nail. Once the phone was on, she put in the sim card. Typing in Cregan's number, she held it to her ear listening to it ring.

"Please don't pick up, please don't pick up, please don't pick up."

"Hey, you've reached Cregan Stark. Sorry I missed your call, leave a message at the beep."

The phone beeps, and Mila takes a sharp breath, "Hey, Creg. It's, uh, it's Mila. I'm okay, I'm safe. I left Weirwood with Aegon... you know, Aemond's brother? I was having a tough time. I needed to get away. But I'm somewhere safe, please don't worry about me. I'll see you soon. I love you."

Ending the call, she takes another deep breath, exhaling sharply she presses the screen of the phone to her forehead, swallowing her nerves and guilt like a bitter pill.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Aegon's soft voice asks.

Mila turns around and sees him standing in the doorway, leaning against it casually.

"My thoughts cost more than a penny." She jokes, putting the phone down on the chest of drawers.

"I'll take out a loan." He states as he walks further into the room.

"Or you could use your dad's totally not stolen credit card." Mila chuckles, meeting him halfway.

"You called your brother?" Asks Aegon as he takes Mila's hand in his own, smoothing his thumb over her knuckles.

"I tried. Went to voicemail."

"He's a busy guy. You know, being a famous footballer and all. He's probably got a big game, or something. You know, with like... kicking and... goals? Never really liked sports, me." Aegon laughs as he pulls Mila over to the bed, sitting down as she stands in between his legs. He runs his hands over her arms, waiting for her to speak.

"Yeah..." Mila sighs, "He's probably really busy. Wish we had access to the internet in this literal abyss."

"Gwayne was a dude of the eighties he never cared for Wi-Fi. I think that's why Daeron decided to return to the modern age the second he was old enough to go to uni."

"I feel very amish."

"Hey, look on the brightside." Aegon states as he takes her hands in his, "We're completely disconnected from the modern world. No crazy articles about our every move. We're not seeing anything about..." He stops himself, his voice fading as he inadvertently reminds Mila about the reason why she's here.

Aemond was never too far from her thoughts, always lingering in the back of her mind like some kind of phantom. She can see her eyes when she wakes from a nightmare, feel his fingers on her when the autumn breeze sends a chill through her. Her love, which once felt sweet like , had now turned bitter and cold.

Mila shakes her head, as if she could rid herself of her memories and lingering feelings if she tossed her head around a little bit harder. Like bashing the bottom of a jar to loosen a stuck coin or something. Yet, Aemond remains inside her thoughts.

"It's okay, Aeg." Mila sighs, shrugging, "You're right. It's good to not hear anything about him."

Aegon stares at her, big blue eyes sad as he watches her face. His fingers play with hers, a nervous tick of his she had gotten used to. More than gotten used to, she found herself adoring it. She looks down at their hands, smiling softly to herself.

Loosening their hands, Aegon leans back on the bed. Mila furrows her eyebrows, concern evident on her features. But a cheeky grin appears on the Targaryen's full lips, as spreads his legs slightly.

"Come here and let me fuck the sad out of you." Aegon murmurs, beckoning her closer. She chuckles despite herself, following him over.

"I think you overestimate your abilities, Aegon Targaryen." Mila chuckles as she climbs on top of him, straddling his waist.

"Oh, it's gonna be like that is it?" He laughs, burying his face into her neck. Mila presses her lips to his temple, running her hands over his messy hair.

Their clothes are discarded quickly, leaving Aegon bare beneath Mila as she straddles him. As her lips descend upon his shoulders, she doesn't notice the soft, conflicted look in the Targaryen's eyes.

"Hey! Gettup, now, I found something!"

Mila groans as she is pulled out of her sleep, unceremoniously. Blinking, she sees the sun has barely risen, golden rays poking through the thin curtains. Loud footsteps surround her, a sigh coming from someone across the room.. A pillow hits her face, and she squeals, tossing the pillow away as she runs a hand over her face.

"What, Aegon? You fucking child..." She groans.

"I said, I found something!" He laughs as he rushes back out the room.

"What, a body?" Mila groans as she stands up, grabbing her discarded shirt and throwing it on. Her bare feet pad across the bedroom, heading out to the open plan of the rest of the house.

Aegon sits cross legged in the living room, searching through a water stained cardboard box.

"Whatcha got there?" Mila asks, raising her eyebrow. Aegon smiles as he looks up at her, grabbing a mug from the coffee table to offer it to her.

"Sorry I woke you up so aggressively, I got excited. Peace offering?"

"You made me coffee?" Mila took the mug, looking down at the caramel coloured liquid. A few days ago, Mila convinced him to get a coffee machine from the holy land (big Tesco). She then had the joyous experience of watching him try and fail to figure the machine out.

"I finally read the manual." Aegon says proudly, "You do take it with milk, and two and a half sugars, right? I'm gonna be so pissed at myself if I got that wrong."

"That's right." Mila chuckles, eyebrows raised, "How did you know that?"

"You told me."

"You listened?"

"You seem shocked." Aegon chuckled, shaking his head as he refocused on rifling through the box. Mila tries to bite back the wide smile at the sweet gesture, choosing to instead take a seat next to Aegon.

"What is this?" She asks as she peers into the large, withered box. It's full of old books, covered in a layer of dust. From her position, she can read a few of the titles, 'Pride and Prejudice', 'Alice in Wonderland', 'Twelfth Night', 'The Secret Garden'...

"They belonged to my grandmother." Aegon explains, "Gwayne kept them when she passed. She loved old books."

"They're lovely." Mila says wistfully as Aegon hands her an ancient copy of Mary Shelley's 'Frankenstein'. Her fingers glide across the leather cover, the bumps of the words catching against her callouses. She cradles it in her hands, smiling giddily.

"Gwayne gave them to Daeron when he came to live with him, but like the sixteen year old boy he was, he preferred comics and playboy mags."

"Classy." She chuckles, accepting more books he handed to her.

"I thought you could have them."

Mila looks at him, mouth agape, "What?"

"You can have them." Aegon smiles, piling more of the classic books into piles, "You know, because of the book shop you want to own? I know there aren't tons, but you've got to start somewhere, right?"

She stares at him, taken back. It's an unbelievably sweet gesture, and one she never expected. Her dream of a book shop seemed too distant, too unreachable in her chaotic life in the spotlight. But it was like Aegon was handing her not a bunch of old books, but hope. Hope for her dream of a simple, happy life.

As Aegon sits beside her, rambling and piling books into her arms, Mila watches his profile, feeling herself blush.

The afternoon sun beats down on the two of them as they sit on the beach, side by side like they come as a pair.

Aegon lies spread out like a starfish, alien sunglasses on. His button up floral shirt is open, revealing his pale, freckled skin to the afternoon sun. Mila sits next to him, her dark curls whipping in her face as she

A whirring, distant noise catches Mila's attention. It sounds like a bee, and she flicks her hair around trying to find the bug in question. But as she looks around, she sees the source of the disturbance is not an insect.

A speedboat floats distantly, so far that the Stark has to squint to really see it. It was not unusal for other people to walk the hidden cove beyond the Hightower summer home, but boats were a rare occurance. People usually kept to the vibrant beaches near the city, the smaller beach they were on was too far from the rest of civilisation for folks to make the

Mila watches the speedboat, a prickling sense of dread creeping up her spine when it drifts closer. It carries a singular man, tall and lithe, bald and wearing a pair of thin sunglasses. His appearence does not irk her.

It's the fact he's staring right at her and Aegon.

Said Targaryen twitches next to her, before letting out a yelp and jumpinh up. Mila's attention is diverted to him, eyebrows furrowed as he shakes his head like a dog, whipping his sunglasses off.

"What?" Mila asks, concerned.

"Crab." He shudders, pointing at the offending, orange creature who clicks its pincers and trudges along the sand.

"Jeez, Aeg, it's teeny. It's more afraid of you than you are of it."

"I guarantee you it is not."

Mila rolls her eyes, watching the crab scuttle away back to the shores. Her eyes look back at the rest of the sea.

The speedboat is gone.

As night settles over Old Town, Mila giggles as she finishes washing the dishes. Aegon presses incessant kisses to her neck from behind.

"Jeez, Aegon, give me a second." She laughs, feeling his hands wander over her hips and waist.

"Mm, no, horny." Aegon groans against her neck, biting the nape as she squirms and elbows him.

"You're insatiable." Mila rolls her eyes playfully, grabbing a rag and drying her hands as Aegon returns to running his hands over her hips. She smiles as she kisses him, melting against Aegon as he kisses her just how she likes.

Just like that, they find themselves entwined on the bed. Naked, flushed bodies moving together rhythmically. Mila moans beneath Aegon, wrapping her legs further around his torso as she takes him deeper and deeper, feeling the tip of him kissing her sweet spot.

"Right there, right there." She pleads, throwing her head back. Aegon whines, pounding into her harder just how she likes. His head hangs down, eyebrows furrowed with the effort.

Her hands grasp onto his waist, aiding his movements, her fingernails digging into his plush skin. It spurs him on, making his noises louder and breathier as they both get closer to their climaxs.

A well angled thrust makes Mila keen and gasp out Aegon's name like a prayer, sending the blonde man reeling as he presses his face into her neck.

"Fuck, I love you, I love you." Aegon murmurs breathily.

Mila's gasp gets stuck in her throat, her eyes opening as she looks up at the dark ceiling. His words shock her, startling her to her core. His face remains in her neck, his hot breath against her skin. He kisses along the place that connects her neck and her shoulder, whispering words of praise and love against her, lost in his own world.

Pleasure courses through her veins, overtaking her shock at his sudden admission. She moans low in her throat, clenching her eyes closed as she tries to push back rational thought.

He ravages her body, bringing her to the precipice of euphoria, begging her to give it to him. As she finishes, he praises her, lips ghosting the shell of her ear as her body shudders, sending him to his own end.

"I love you..." Aegon groans out as he finishes, snapping his hips repeatedly as he fucks his spend inside of her.

Mila focuses on recatching her breath, eyes fluttered closed. She can feel Aegon collapse beside her, his arms wrapping around her and his sweaty forehead pressing against her shoulder.

She runs her hands over his arms, letting sleep take her over and wash away her sudden whirlwind of emotions...

...But those emotions were waiting for her when she awoke.

Mila sits on a loveseat outside the house, biting her lip nervously as she stares out at the gentle ebbing and flowing of the ocean waves.

"Fuck, I love you, I love you..."

His words echo around her head. The feeling of his hands on her, his lips pressing to her skin, his hips pounding against hers as he fucks her relentlessly, it is all fresh on her mind. It sends shivers through her, pleasent feelings of euporia like her body had ingrained Aegon's fucking into her mind so well it could repeat it when he wasn't around.

But his admission frightened her.

Why? Because it made everything complicated.

When they met at Weirwood, she managed to seperate him from her life outside of the clinic. Aegon was just another recovering addict who helped her through her detox, sitting by her bedside and holding her hair back when she threw up into her bin.

But her trecherous body found itself drawn to him, and feelinsg she was all too familiar with appeared out of the blue. And all of sudden he was no longer just another recovering addict, but her ex-boyfriends recovering addict brother who she was attracted to.

Mila tried to run from it, tried to go back to her old life and let her harmful coping mechanisms destroy the seed of affection growing inside of her. But Aegon found her. He saved her, he helped her. She was drowning and he was offering a hand back to the surface.

When he devoured her on the beach, she let the drugs push away any lingering affections. And when she couldn't push them away any longer, she convinced herself he was only her friend. When he was deep inside her, not only her body but her soul, she told herself he was only her friend. He only saw her as a friend. All of this means nothing...

But it means something. It always did. From the very beginning, it meant something.

The way he made her head spin and her heart ache and her body blush and her smile reappaer from nowhere... that meant something. It meant everything.

But he was her ex's brother. Aemond Targaryen's brother. How could she let the

Why is everything so fucking complicated.

Footsteps interrupt her internal ramble, her head snapping to the side to see Aegon walking towards her. He's shirtless, grey joggers hanging low on his hips. She can see marks left from her fingernails left on his waist, and she looks away with a sharp intake of breath.

Aegon says nothing as he takes a seat next to her on the love seat. He runs a hand through his hair, sleepily looking out at the beach. The silence is not awkward, but it is tense as both of them are left unsure of what to say.

With a sigh, Mila decides to start.

“Did you mean it?” She asks, not turning her head to look at him.

“Yes.” Aegon says without hesitation. Mila closes her eyes, taking a deep breath as she lets his words sink in again, "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" She asks him, giving him an incredulous look.

"Because this was supposed to be simple." Aegon sighs, running his hands over his face, "You left Weirwood to escape how complicated things became. I brought you here so you could heal, but instead we shagged and I fell in love with you."

"That's not your fault."

"Maybe it is..." Aegon turns to her and reaches over to take her hand in his, "I should have been more careful. I knew... I knew from the beginning that you were special. Different, good. Better than I deserve. Every moment I spent at your side, I found myself needing to be near you. You make me feel alive, you make me feel normal. I should have been more careful when I let myself touch you on the beach, because I knew that it be so easy to fall for you."

"Aegon, stop..." Mila stands, taking a few steps away, holding her hand to her mouth.

"Em." He says softly, and she turns to him. Aegon gives her a sad smile, choosing his words carefully.

"I said it before and I'll say it again; You're the best thing that's happened to me in a while, maybe even ever." Aegon takes her hand in his own, pressing it to his chest, “I love you.”

Mila takes a shuddering breath, covering his hand with her own. He presses his forehead to hers, closing his eyes as he basks in her closeness.

They sit on the loveseat, Aegon's head resting on Mila's chest. Their fingers are intertwined, and Mila watches them with half closed eyes.

Aegon has a small tattoo on the back of his hand, of a tiny green bird in a little golden cage. Mila smoothes her thumb over it, tracing the jagged lines with a featherlight touch.

A distant noise startles her out of her daze, and she looks around for the source. Aegon lifts his head, eyebrows furrowed as he looks towards the front door.

The sound of a car can be heard driving closer, and the two share a confused look as they go back inside the house. Aegon leaves first, and Mila follows him to stand in the doorway.

A black SUV parks next to Aegon's battered ford fiesta, and Aegon freezes on the porch, his hands clenching into fists beside him.

Mila's bros furrow, wondering who on earth could be here. As the person steps out of the car, she gasps, taking a step back from the door. His pale, lone eye moves from Aegon to Mila, his blonde hair swaying in the beach breeze. No fucking way...

Aemond fucking Targaryen.

AN// Yuh! He's back! Aemond 'surprise bitch I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me' Targaryen. This is definitely only going to bring good things for Mila and Aegon, Emiliaegon if you will (please don't, that's actually awful). See y'all soon, sending love <3

Lula x

[tanoraqui]

Dungeon Meshi Liveblog: I should make a fucking...(food) web of connected concepts with panels that connect them...

I love how Kabru is just part of this friend group, now. He invited himself and no one's questioning it. Laios invited him to lunch later, and that counts.

.

I love how everyone is varying levels of "oh fuck" until we get to The Current Party, where it's:

Senshi: thinking intently, a little grimly, about how he could butcher and cook this

Marcille: a dash of 'oh fuck', but also sad, in the way of watching a friend slide down a slippery slope

Chilchuck: incredible dad energy on this line, honestly.

.

don't you give my son orders, you piece of shit. you aren't worthy of being lord of anything. you protect nothing, wish to help no one, except your own desires. (The Demon never should've been alive at all. It's not suited to it.)

.

This is gonna look sooo cool animated in color.

.

I might actually be more offended by the demon wearing Kensuke like normal than by the whole wearing of Laios's body? It's so symbolic.

.

I want to know how the ancients achieved that - binding the demon such that, while underground, it could only warp reality in service to a living being's desires. Though really, that seems to be how it's always operated - the only desire it ever expressed for itself was to eat the desires of others. Otherwise, it's only shown fulfilling wishes, before it's locked in the dungeon as well as after.

But I wonder if having a physical form gives it the ability to want more? Does it hunger and third and want to rest, now? DOes it really feel a yearning not just for the completion of its plan, but for the open sky and sight of the world which it hasn't seen in so long?

.

Needless to say, we love a visual parallel.

.

yep, this sure is the Eating Each Other Cyclically chapter! (This is the Eating Each Other Cyclically story, actually. It's called the ecosystem!)

.

oh I hate this actually. It's scary in a real way. I do not like being forced to acknowledge that Chilchuck is much, much smaller, weaker and more fragile than Laios. I do not like seeing him curled up and helpless and unable to ever reconnect with his family.

.

Freak cubed! Actually, how many times has it gone back and forth, now...?

the lion swallowed all of them

Laios ate hte lion in order to swap bodies (ish)

honestly I feel like the demon being counts as eating him in turn. Making Laios's body part of itself, you know? That's eating.

(monster!)Laios ate demon(!Laios)

demon(!Laios) is now eating (monster!)Laios

...so, Freak^5

.

The parallel to Marcille snapping at Laios to drop the plant seeds in Chapter 2... Love how every now and then people resort to yelling at this man like he's a dog. Truly, he is a beagle of all time (eats Things) ('Things' is an unlimited category of which the details are best left unknown)

.

THIS IS IT, BITCHES! THESIS TIME!! I'M GONNA USE "IF AND ONLY IF LIKE IT'S A GODDAMN MATHEMATICAL PROOF, BECAUSE THAT'S HOW THIS HAS BEEN PRESENTED THROUGHOUT!

LIVING IFF EATING IFF HUNGERING IFF WANTING.

TO DO ONE IS TO DO THEM ALL, FOR EVERY ENTITY IN EXISTENCE: EVERY RACE, EVERY CREATURE.

LIVING AND DYING, EATING AND KILLING AND BEING KILLED AND BEING EATEN, ARE ALL SIDES OF THE SAME COIN. YOU WILL DO BOTH.

IT'S CALLED THE ECOSYSTEM.

And it applies to social structures as well as biomes btw.

YOU WILL ALWAYS EAT, AND THEN YOU WILL ALWAYS HUNGER FOR THE NEXT MEAL. BECAUSE YOU ARE STILL ALIVE.

Which is why hunger(/living) is poisonous to this infinite being, btw: the cycle is infinite, sure, but specifically because any single creature within the cycle is finite. To exist as part of the cycle, the world, breaks the infinite being, even as the infinite being inevitably destroys the world.)

But most of all:

EATING (IFF BEING EATEN IFF LIVING IFF WANTING) IFF UNDERSTANDING IFF BEING CONNECTED/BEING PART OF

THE FUNDAMENTAL [DESIRE/HUNGER/LIFE EXPERIENCE/CONNECTION/SHARED UNDERSTANDING] OF BEING ALIVE IN THIS WORLD IS [EATING/LIVING/DYING/KILLING/WANTING/HUNGERING/BEING CONNECTED/UNDERSTANDING OTHERS/BEING UNDERSTOOD/WANTING TO BE UNDERSTOOD/WANTING TO UNDERSTAND/WANTING TO BE CONNECTED]

...WHICH DOES ALSO INCLUDE (MONSTERFUCKER) VORE

(This is the fucking...Theseus wrestling the Minotaur statue...of this world... People are going to make this statue of King Laios Eating the Demon... It's going to be in museums...and in the palace... The true curse here is that Marcille is going to have to see versions of this motif for her entire excruciatingly long life...)

[ivysangel]

listen, i think smut is great. i read it, i write it, i think about way more than is probably considered healthy, but i don't think it should be as readily accessible in bookstores as it is right now, and especially without warnings.

i went to barnes & noble with my friend a few weeks ago and in the front of the store was this humongous romance section that had hundreds of those booktok romance books that was trending now. i wish i had a picture to show you guys just how big it was, because there were like six or so book cases and then this big table with some "romantic summer reads".

naturally, because it's what's trending right now, so many of the books had those really cute cartoon couple drawings. you know the one's where the two mc's are standing next to each other, or back to back, or hugging or smth (ykwim) and all of them were completely innocent looking and not marked as having adult content in any way. this isn't my first rodeo or anything, so i know that a really good chunk of these books have graphic sex written in them despite having no warnings or indicators of such content. and sure enough as me and my friend are flipping through them we're seeing all of the graphic depictictions of sex that if you were just reading the blurb on the back you would not know existed in the book.

the rationale i've seen from a lot of the authors and readers of the book are that they want something "inconspicuous" that doesn't draw attention to the fact that they're reading smut in public or whatever. and while i understand the sentiment, there's got to be some kind of regulation for this kind of thing. because some kid who's just looking for a cute romance book accidentally picking up smut is actually very bad and shouldn't be normalized in the slightest.

and i always see people saying, "well their parents should be checking the stuff they read anyway" or "i read smut when i was young so i don't see what the problem is" which pisses me off so bad because:

A) i know that when i was younger my mom didn't monitor what i read because the books i was reading were never misleading. both the covers, blurbs, and warnings (if there ever were any) were in line with the content of the books i read and there was no reason to be worried. i'm almost 100% sure that when most parents go to the bookstore with their kid and their child picks up a book with a cute cover, and the info about the plot on the back says nothing about it being anything other than a cute relationship, they don't think anything of it. maybe if it was one of those harlequin novels with the shirtless guys and the ladies with their boobs spilling out of tight dresses they'd tell them to put the book down but because the covers of new age smut books are designed to decieve, that's exactly what they do. decieve. and if it works on your friends and family and everyone around you, why in god's name wouldn't it work on someone's parent.

and B) it's no secret that kids have been reading smut well before they should for ages. i read smut as a kid, some of my friends read smut as kids, lots of people have and will continue to do so, the difference is that it wasn't as mainstream and easily accessible as it is now. not that you had to scour the internet for it, a quick search on wattpad would give you a million results, but it wasn't something that wasn't so publicly advertised, and sold. in my experience, it was the kind of thing that you heard about from a friend who heard about it from another friend not fucking tiktok. the biggest social media platform rn.

i'd also like to point out that if you read smut when you were younger and grew up to not understand how harmful it is, even going as far to encourage kids to read it, you're a huge fucking weirdo. i'm only 18, still very much a "child" by some people's standards, and i get chills when i remember how young i and some of my friends were when we created our first wattpad accounts. which is probably why i care so much about this topic, i don't think children should be exposed to that kind of stuff at all, and i don't like how now anyone of any age can walk into a bookstore and either knowingly or unknowingly pick up some freak nasty sex because a bunch or horny people on tiktok can't understand how harmful it is to have these books in so many places without any warnings whatsoever.

also: this had already gotten so long but i forgot to mention that there's a rising interest in "dark themes" and those books DEFINITELY need a warning. i wrote an essay once on how unregulated darker themed media has contributed to the idealization of toxic relationships in young people, and i'd like to say that right now i think booktok is one of the biggest contributors

[soundtechrapture]

Edgelords, Fetishes, and the Long Term Effects of Cringe Culture.

This is not at all the normal content I post here. This is a much larger vent / ramble than I normally do (it's practically an essay.)

This is a bit of a subjective outlook on this situation purely because I've only really had experience in the eproctophilia community, so I'll be using incidents from it, but I'm sure other fetish communities have gone through similar incidents. Cringe Culture may be pretty much dead, and the 2016 edgelord era is over, but the aftershocks and ramifications of it are still present. I don't know if people realize how fucking isolating it is to have a fetish like this. I never asked for any of this. Why are we such a target? Is it because we're into something that's seen as taboo? Is it because it's funny that people would be into something like this? There's an artist on Twitter I've been following for a while. By the time I went ahead and followed them, they had their account set to private. Earlier today, I checked my followed accounts on Twitter, so I could port them over to Bluesky, and found that I could finally see their content again. Empty, 0 posts, everything wiped without a trace. I know the actions of someone I barely know shouldn't affect me so much, but I can't stop thinking about it. Why? Were they exposed to a hate mob? Was it fear of that outcome? This isn't the first time this community has had a creator get attacked and ridiculed. Back in 2015ish, AnimatedJames got exposed for being into eproctophilia. Now, don't get me wrong, AnimatedJames wasn't exactly a saint. But people weren't attacking him for being a pedo or a rapist. They attacked him for something that was both harmless and out of his control. 2019 comes along, and a similar incident happened to JelloApocalypse but with little long-lasting effects, aside from the odd video here or there. But for something like that to happen now, in 2024, made me realize that cringe culture isn't dead, we've just developed coping mechanisms. Some examples of cringe culture still being around include Reddit, harbouring many cringe culture Subreddits and echo chambers. Cringe compilations appearing on YouTube. And the generally aggressive, hateful mobs that still roam through social media. I'm sure you've noticed how targeted these hate mobs have become, going from TV shows and media they didn't like, to subcultures and sexualities. I don't know what I hope to gain from writing all of this. A more pleasant future for everyone, perhaps? Or maybe I just want someone to listen for a second. A few months back, someone on this account had told me that expressing kink is a form of liberation, activism, self-expression, and normalization. And that by posting, I was making the world more beautiful, queer, and happy by expressing my interests. I guess what I'm hoping to accomplish here is to make the world a little more tolerant, a little nicer, a little bit more empathetic. Maybe some day I can link this account with my main without fear of ridicule. But that feels like wishful thinking right now. Maybe some day, though.

[starburts-addict]

Aftermath

Note: I did my own aftermath version of the Shiny Jr fic. Some details were heavily inspired by Qeirxing's fic. Because I really did like how some things played out in their fic, but mine has noticeable differences. This work isn't 100% original fanfiction material, but it was just a fun thing I decided to write. Also it isn't 100% proofread.

CW: graphic recollection of choking, paranoia, PTSD-like symptoms,, obsessive behavior, threats (on the reader's side), unhealthy coping mechanisms

How long has it been? How long has it been since you arrived at what was supposed to be a wonderful and bittersweet experience? You don't know, nor do you care. Being stuck in such a cursed place that used to be your escape from reality was terrifying. Hell, you may have physically recovered from the multitude of attacks that day, but you haven't been the same. Constantly lacking sleep due to nightmares and you being paranoid if anyone who had the balls to break into your 'home away from home' would do so. You couldn't even call it your home away from home. It felt more like a prison you decided to isolate yourself in as Grim comes and goes as he pleases. You don't get mad at him for staying indifferent to what had happened. After all, he knew what these guys were like before your arrival in this game world.

Things were okay. You just had to stay inside, make sure you only go outside at certain times to get fresh air, and remove any social apps from your phone. That includes deleting any accounts it came with. It was just Magicam, you wished you could delete the calling and messaging in your phone, but all you could do was block any calls and texts that weren't from the teachers and faculty. Honestly, it was just the Teachers and Sam. You had half a mind to block Crowley as sometimes he would call you to start attending classes with Grim. Saying that the students have been rowdier with each other. Whatever that meant.

Grim still hung out with Ace and Deuce like normal, but ever since that attack, he's been more annoyed towards them. Fucking! Not just them! He's been annoyed at the entirety of the main cast!

Not only have they been badgering him with questions about your status, but they have been sending him home with stuff for the both of you. And most uncanny of all of this, they've been nicer to grim. Which, honestly? Has been very disturbing to him. Grim was so used to the hostility he's seen that seeing their desperate and futile attempts to get you to forgive them was terrifying.

Crewel, Trein, and Sam have the major staff who have come to visit you. Vargas was too busy making sure none of the boys could come to impose on your privacy. Crewel and Trein would sometimes tell you how holing yourself in the ramshackle dorm, but you reminded them that you aren't in a world that you don't belong in and have consequently received a trauma that you should have never gotten in the first place. Sam sometimes had to mediate when things almost turned into an argument. The three of you end up apologizing to each other. The only people you would ever apologize to in this game. Crowley would sometimes come visit and even try to demand you start attending classes. Saying he just wanted things to be less hostile between the students. Every single, annoying time he did, you'd end up threatening him with your departure to the rival school, saying that they will most definitely be the better school to take care of you. You knew that was a lie. You were actually unsure if the main side cast of Royal Sword Academy were any less dangerous. If you do end up running away, you'd rather stay on the island with the NPC residents of Sage Town.

It has just been another day that you have lost track of. Grim had come back from classes just like every other day. It's not like they get weekends off, Maybe in the story, but not within the actual mechanisms of the game. Once again Grim is watching videos on the phone on the couch, and this time you watched along. Usually, you'd spend your time cleaning the rundown place or even talking to the ghosts about your life in your own world. Beyond the game. You missed a lot, but today you were bored. You didn't like having that phone from the game. It only has reminders that this isn't your world. You started to get bored with the videos. It was starting to get dark, and you were tired of having Trein and Crewel open every single library book for you and find you a way home. You were tired of waiting. So you decided that right now seemed like the right time to go to the library. You stood up and looked at Grim. "Grim, I'm going to the library, want to come with?" Grim looked at you surprised, as if you just told him something shocking, well, it might as well have been because ever since you got here you haven't really gotten beyond the Ramshackle dorm ever since that day.

"Are you sure? You avoided stepping out further than the back door." He was worried, which brought you comfort. Out of everyone in the game, you could trust Grim the most. After all, he saved you from an untimely death and apparently cleared up a misunderstanding. A deadly one. Thinking about it, you nodded at Grim and gave him a simper. "Of course. I need to help find a way home." Grim exhaled. "As your protector, I must go. Just in case you get uncomfortable." You petted him as you got up from the couch.

Walking out the front door, you hesitated to open it, but in the end, you ended up opening the door. Off in the distance towards the mailbox that seems to stand barely. You see the plethora of packages and letters they have sent you after you blocked all their numbers and had Vargas fend off anyone who dares enter. It wasn't like the headmaster would fully prevent them from coming to your doorstep. Once you made sure the coast was clear you walked towards the gate where the mailbox was. Curiosity filled you as you wanted to see what the letters held. Although you had a huge idea of what they held, which held you back. As you patted the mailbox sorta to praise it for standing like this, one of the letters fell down. You picked it up and noticed it was from Malleus. The one who almost killed you.

You wanted to rip apart, cut and leave it on the mailbox to show the others what you would start doing if they didn't quit sending you things and harassing Grim about you but against your wishes, you decided to open it up. Grim looked at you with a concerned look. "You don't have ta if you don't want to." You shook your head. "It's fine." You opened up the letter carefully, tearing the wax seal off first and then tearing the flap off. The contents disturbed you, to say the least. The letter was desperate as soon as you read the beginning. You looked at the back, and that was even more disturbing.

The back had started off as a continuation of the beginning, but when the letter was supposed to stop at one sentence of 'I'm Sorry', it continued. The sentence 'I'm Sorry' continued towards the page's bottom. You couldn't tell if it was a diary entry that he decided to mail or what. There were two things that you can deduct. Grim had severely underestimated their obsessive admiration for you, it was beyond that. There were hardly any words that could describe this beyond deplorable behavior. Without a second thought, Grim swatted the card from your hand and tossed it alongside the pile of cards and packages he made without you paying attention. Before you could do anything, he burned it all. "No more of that. Besides, you're on a mission! Don't get so distracted [First]!" Grim stated, marching his way to the library. You followed behind catching up to Grim. Feeling relieved that Grim still wanted to protect you.

Eventually, you both arrive at the Library. You were actually surprised to hear from Grim that the library is open all day and night, but you are in a game, so you ended up losing that surprise. You wandered the library trying to find a starting place to even think where you could start looking. Eventually, you and Grim decide to split up. Hoping that maybe one of us can find a good starting place. As you were walking on the other side of the library, you felt a pair of eyes on you. Your paranoia was kicking in, and bad. You tried so hard to ignore it, but your feelings from being chased came back and you turned around.

To your horror, it was Malleus. He was about to approach you and you just stared at him. You couldn't move. The feeling of your throat being squeezed and the feeling of blood trickling down your throat, the pressure of the nails, and the feeling of air under your feet as you dangle up in the air all come rushing back as you hold back the urge to hold your throat. You didn't want to insult the dragon prince and face his wrath again. It was quite terrifying the first time, it will be the second time.

You couldn't squeak out anything, you seemed like a deer in headlights, but when you were about to open your mouth, Malleus spoke."How have you been?" He uttered. He seemed to be walking on a minefield, making sure that what he does is correct to not set off anything. You wanted to sneer at him for even asking that stupid question. You wanted to respond by saying, you clearly weren't doing well if they haven't seen them in a long time, but you advised yourself against it. "Okay, I guess." Malleus clearly wanted to rebuttal but didn't. "Have you received our cards, me and the others have noticed you haven't gotten the mail every time we drop something off." You almost physically cringed when he brought that up. You remember the card of his you read and how truly disturbing it was, but you don't bring it up. "I don't really leave Ramshackle itself." You shrugged. "I just saw the letters today, I'll read them when I get back." You said. It was a lie, of course. Grim had burned everything to a crisp after seeing you look terrified again. You couldn't tell him that though, you don't know what would happen to Grim if he found out.

There was a pause of silence. Both of you glanced away from each other to avoid awkward staring. It was annoying to you how Malleus so far has been pretending as if he didn't almost kill you. That was until Malleus spoke. "I really want you to know how sorry we are for hurting you. How sorry I am for hurting you and causing physical pain." To you, he looked absolutely pathetic for even trying to apologize. You wanted to humiliate Malleus for almost killing you, but you held back. That would make you as bad as the main cast. "… Don't worry about it. Just drop it." You ended up insisting. The fae prince seemed saddened by your response but didn't say anything. After all, he isn't the type to beg from what you gathered from his character when you played the game in the comfort of your room.

More silence ensued, but instead of Malleus breaking the silence, you did. "What brings you to the library?" Malleus seemed surprised that you asked him something about him, even if it was to ask about the purpose of his arrival. Just for a second, he seemed a little too happy for your taste. "I'm here on club activities, I would like to see the architecture of the library." He sounded a little too desperate. That caused you suspicion, instead of egging on, you thought it was best if you didn't.

Then you heard more voices coming in through the library, they sounded loud. Well, at least one of them did. The other one tried to shush the loud voice. You knew who they were. It sounded exactly like Silver and Sebek. "It sounds as if Silver and Sebek are here, I'll leave." You bluntly stated. Before you could turn around, you heard loud footsteps coming closer and almost at a running speed and then you heard him. "MY LO-" Sebek had cut himself off as he saw you. You recoiled at his voice, which was the loudest thing in the library. Then Silver and Grim came along. You weren't as scared of Silver as you were of Sebek and Malleus, but you were terrified of him nonetheless. You took a small step back and Grim took the initiative to stand in front of you just in case.

You were surprised to see Sebek kneel in front of you. Before Silver could say anything to prevent him from saying anything, Sebek yelled his apology. "Player, please forgive me for my insolence! Punish me as you see fit!" Malleus was left stunned and Silver grabbed Sebek and pulled him up and covered his mouth. It seemed out of character to you, Silver isn't really the type to get physical unless he has to. Grim was stunned at Sebek, dumbfounded even. The sleepy knight turned to Malleus and tried to hold himself back from scolding his lord. "My Lord, please stop trying to run off like that. We're lucky that Sebek has a good eye and saw where you ran off to." Malleus cringed when he said that. You looked at Malleus suspiciously. "I thought you said you were here for club activities." Silver looked at you and Malleus, he seemed to have had the color of his face drained as he still held Sebek who sounded muffled and tried to shake Silver off. Malleus couldn't even look you in the eye and turned his head in shame.

Grim shook his head in disappointment. "You guys keep making things worse for yourselves." You looked at Grim and then at the three Diasomnia members before speaking. "We'll take our leave, let's go Grim." You walked off towards the end of the row of books to avoid going through the three men who tried to bring harm to you once. Grim followed behind you and three other men seemed like they wanted to protest your departure, but they walked in the opposite direction.

The way back to Ramshackle was quiet, but you were busy thinking about that interaction. Maybe it would be best if you visit the library later in the night whenever you want to do research.

[semi-imaginary-place]

Story is identical twins got circumcisions and one of them was messed up so badly there'd never be a "normal" penis. Fuckwad psychologist (why is it always these old cis white men psychologists that are the worst) decided to use this chance to prove his hypothesis that gender identity is entirely learned through social conditioned and tried various abusive and medical ways to make David a girl including reproductive surgeries, feminizing hormones, socialization, and whatever the fuck this is:

"Money theorized that reproductive behaviour formed the foundation of gender, and that "play at thrusting movements and copulation" was a key aspect of gender development in all primates. Starting at age six, according to Brian, the twins were forced to act out sexual acts, with David playing the female role—Money made David get down on all fours, and Brian was forced to "come up behind [him] and place his crotch against [his] buttocks". Money also forced David, in another sexual position, to have his "legs spread" with Brian on top. On "at least one occasion" Money took a photograph of the two children doing these activities.[24]

When either child resisted these activities, Money would get angry. Both David and Brian recall that Money was mild-mannered around their parents, but ill-tempered when alone with them. When they resisted inspecting each other's genitals, Money got very aggressive. David says, "He told me to take my clothes off, and I just did not do it. I just stood there. And he screamed, 'Now!' Louder than that. I thought he was going to give me a whupping. So I took my clothes off and stood there shaking."[24]"

"Both David and Brian were traumatized" no shit.

Anyways it failed. And the psychologist went on for years touting this case as proof that he was right despite every bit of evidence point to him being wrong. David continuously insisted in childhood that he was male and lived as male in adulthood after being suicidally depressed because yeah between the everyone telling him he's a girl, the forced body modification, and the sexual abuse by dr. ego. And the trauma carried through into adulthood he killed himself at age 38.

Now this is just one case if this happened to 1000 identical twin pairs maybe some of them would have identified as female what's more important is how even though David was not intersex his case highlights many of the struggles of intersex and transgender people. I mean he was assigned a gender shortly after birth and raised as that gender but always felt it was wrong and the people around him did everything to make him female. Is that not the trans experience. Gender is complicated and this case rejects dr. fuckwad's single souce explanation. Gender arises from the interplay of internally derived gender identity, gender presentation and performance, and social interplay. Gender is complicated and it's components and relationship with a person are unique to everyone. There's a lesson here too on forcing unnecessary medical procedures on intersex infants and children without their consent or sometimes against their wishes all to better conform them to a binary when even among non intersex people there is amazing diversity among bodies. And it's important that those same procedures forced on intersex infants from gonad removal, to genital reconstruction (making genitals and sticking them on), masculinizing or feminizing hormones, are the exact ones often denied to transgender teenagers who want them. Even as adults it's hard and sometimes practically impossible to get gender affirming medical care. But the right has never cared about being hypocrites only about making the world worse for the greatest number of people.

[faceeeeee]

I wonder if you made backstories for the tadc employees or smh-

(I wanna know Gangle's :3)

I have some concepts and ideas in my mind but it's all very vague and I haven't written anything down so forgive me for any incoherent sentences or messy writting:

Pam:

Ever since she left for college she cut all contact with her family and "friends" (she calls them acquaintances/contacts) and put all of her attention in her studies. She graduated at the top of her class in computer sciences and got hired at C&A almost immediately. The moment she left college she noticed a sudden shift in her routine. She dedicated her entire life into her studies and grades and completely disregarded any social interactions, hobbies.... She excepted that when she got a job, all of her problems would've been solved but she found out that she was wrong. Her first few months at the company were okay to say the least but as time went by she felt more and more empty and depressed. Her lack of social skills and pride didn't help either and rejected all of her coworker's attempts to befriend her. So she spent her time either overworking herself, drinking or sleeping. She worked in that company for 5 whole years: Her sleep schedule was a mess, her salary wasn't exactly ideal and she started taking anti-depresants and a hunch of other stuff and Reggie's disappearance (or "temporary departure") took a toll on her. Not only because her boss decided to make her the head of her department but also because he was the only one who was still willing to talk to her. So now she was left with a bunch of deadlines and work and the only one who even looked at her and said hello every morning was now gone. Her life was shit, basically, so why not try again in a new life, a new world and with new memories?

Reggie:

Good ol' Reggie has been working in the company for 18 years now and he couldn't be happier. He had a decent childhood, a loving wife and a decent job that keeps the both of them stable! And a father-daughter relationship with Genevieve, so he couldn't be more happy with life! The only thing he wishes is that he could have more time to spend with his family and his hobbies (he keeps and collects cool bugs, obviously :) ) and that the company wasn't so strict with deadlines and such. He is the head of the programming department so he has a lot of work on his plate...but it's all for a good cause: the digital circus! In his eyes, it's a magical place that helps people to to distract themselves for a while and to have a little fun before they return to their normal lives! So you can imagine his excitement once his boss told him that they were going to let the staff be actual play testers! He was ECSTATIC! he spent YEARS fixing and refining the digital plains so of course he decided to be one of the first playtesters. Queenie was a little hesitant at first but he told her not to worry! He knew that the code was a little finicky at times but that's okay! He has Pam and the rest of the staff to take care of it if anything goes wrong, after all he wholeheartedly trusts them :) nothing could possibly go wrong right?

Jack:

Dear Jack....the C.E.O's son. He has been wandering around the company for a few years now, working in some low paying positions to earn a little pocket money from his parent. He's known as the office's little miscreant as he just goofs around all day and nobody can touch him or say anything cause if they do they're gonna get fired! Ain't that fun? But his luck runs out when even the C.E.O has had enough of his bullshit and offers him to take a little time off from his studies and work to go and be a beta testers for his folks vr experience. Ain't that idea fun? Just log in, fuck around and then come back for dinner, right?

Agatha:

Agatha, a hard working gal with lots of siblings to take care off. Her folks aren't around to help her so she takes care of em all throughout college until she gets the position in the robotics department! She goes up the ranks and even becomes the head of her department :). She mainly works with the headset design and with the new technology that the company has introduced. She has never seen anything like it: with it you can feel and hear your surroundings whilst hooked to the digital plains. So when she heard that they were offering people to beta test the digital world she couldn't help but to want to experience all of those things herself! She does wonder why they have to have her sign a contract but she trusts the company. She has been with them for some time now and the staff and boss have been nice to her so far, so why wouldn't she trust them?

Genevieve:

Dear Genevieve has had a sort of rocky life. Her mother has been very overprotective over her and that has left her with no real life experiences. She was homeschooled almost her entire life so when she entered college she had a hard time adjusting to her new routines. She's very explosive emotionally and very finicky over her personal space so she couldn't (or didn't want to) make acquaintances and so, she made it to the company with no connections apart from her obsessive mother, just like Pam. She worked a year and a half in the company, and that was enough time to meet and befriend Reggie. At first she was very wary of him and very hostile to him. But good ol' Reggie just keeps saying hi to her every morning, just like he does with every employee he sees. One day, when they were both on break, Reggie tried to break the ice and tried to start some small talk with her. She got scared and basically yelled all sorts of barbaric things to him and he just gave her a warm smile. Nothing can hurt this man, god. Genevieve was surprised that he hadn't yelled back at her or left and stared at him for a while. Then guilt overcame her and she started sobbing. Reggie comforted her as best as he could and since then they formed a bond. So when she learned that he had left to be a beta tester she was again left alone in the office. Desperate for his comfort and precense she decided to follow him to the digital circus...

Zephyr:

They had a relatively normal life (apart from an accident that left them without a bloody leg but it's alright), graduated from art school and started working at C&A. They overestimated the pressure and stress that came with working at the company to the point that they were exhausted. They would've left if it wasn't for the fact that getting a job with their degree was extremely difficult and the chances for getting hired were very slim. So they kept on working. They worked day and night. A million coffee cups had started to pile up on their desk and they had severe bags under their eyes. They were tired, so very fucking tired. Why wouldn't they try to escape reality for a bit? Goof around in the digital plains, maybe use it as some sort of rage room. Maybe they could do all of the things that they had thought of without any consequences. Yeah, just for a little bit....it couldn't hurt, right?

[drdemonprince]

spiraling slightly about finally applying to grad school with a low gpa. I’m proud bc even getting to this point took a lot of work facing shame and I know my essay is strong but it might not even get read. I have an idea of what I’ll do if I don’t get in anywhere this first round but the whole thing is just so frustrating 😖 wish I could just pluck out the menty-b year from my transcript

Here's a little reassurance that's also very grounded in stastical reality and academic process, for what it's worth:

Depending on the graduate program, you're looking at about a 10% rate of acceptance on average. So receiving some rejections is normal -- it's typical to expect 90% of the schools you apply to to ultimately reject you. So if you get some rejection letters, know that it's not a reflection that you have failed, or that you're not graduate school material, it's a built-in part of the experience.

Additionally, *most* graduate programs have a GPA and standardized test score cut off, and all applications that fall below that cut-off are not even examined. For example, I applied to my undregrad alma mater, OSU, for graduate school, but my test scores were *one point below* the threshold they require, and so it didn't matter that I had been working for three years in two different social psychology labs for like 20 hours a week and had stellar recommendations from the school's own faculty. They didn't even look at that stuff. So, if you get some rejections, know that it's often nothing to do with your application materials at all. Yes this is fucked up. I think it's good to know that it's due to a built-in discrimination that THEY are doing, not anything you did.

Most people have to apply to multiple programs or apply multiple times over the course of a couple of years to find an acceptance at a school that is a good fit. It sounds like you have a back-up plan, which is definitely wise of you, but if you know in your heart that this is the path you want to pursue, don't let some rejections get you down on yourself. You can dust yourself off and apply again. I applied to I think 15? programs and got rejected by like 10 or 11 of them. That's par for the course.

The last thing I'll say is that graduate schools are exploitative, ableist environments that cause immense trauma to nearly every neurodivergent person who goes through them, so make sure you know what you are in for and have a really robust support system in place should you choose to pursue it.

It also *rarely* leads to any career prospects. To put it in perspective, blogging on tumblr helped my career more than 5 years of graduate study did. The blog The Professor is In by Karen Kelskey is a must read if you want a gut check for all the labor exploitation and poor preparation for the job market that happens in academia. you know your life, your values, and what excites and motivates you best, but graduate school is never an experience i proactively recommend to people.

ultimately i got very, very, very lucky as far as PhD's go, and even with that being the case in the end, graduate school still ruined my life and physical health.

[sparkling-pink-lemonade]

Whenever I see a post while looking through the proship tag that says "Not proship, not an anti, but a secret third thing, a person with a job", or otherwise talks about how they thing the debate is stupid and "chronically online" when there are "real problems" in the world. It's so often just a block on sight.

We know it's stupid, that's why it's so important to us. Right now people are fighting against the censorship of queer media, plus the demonizing of consensual self exploration that isn't considered "normal". Do these people think that the struggle will stop and conclude peacefully if we try to compromise?

"This media that focuses on socially deviant topics (queer people/drag/kink) is important and should be allowed to exist with fair and proper maturity ratings that aren't held to a double standard for being 'taboo', allowing people to determine for themselves if this is a topic they wish to engage with. But this media that focuses on socially deviant topics (underage/incest/any abuse with an unreliable narrator pov) is evil, and will corrupt your children by merely existing. So it's alright to not allow anyone, not even adults, access to this material, or even the resources to create said fiction, because we know what topics they are mentally equipped to engage with better than they do."

The people censoring queer media don't give a fuck if you present yourself as 'morally' pure and good by trying to seem separated and 'better' than the evil enemy they're 'actually' against. They just see you're against 'evil deviancy', and view that as reasoning as to why queer media counts as 'evil' and should be banned. So unless people stop fighting with hypocrisy, we'll get nowhere.

All this anti-ship stuff started with fandom, but continued to gain traction and now runs rampant. Thanks to it, purity culture has been more severe than it ever has been, and even if someone has never heard the word proship in their life, they HAVE had experience with anti ideology and behavior. And if you want to fix this shit, you have to start at the roots.

I am proship because I DO have a life/touch grass/have a full time occupation/whatever you want to call it, and I'm sick and tired of slowly losing the freedom of expression as the rest of the world fights about what kind of media I'M allowed to enjoy. And that's not stupid or insignificant.

[starleska]

important message: if you're a Twitter user, please hop on over to Bluesky 💙

as you may know, Elon is making yet another fuck-stupid decision: to alter Twitter's block feature, allowing people you've blocked to still not be able to reply to/interact with your posts, but they can see what you've posted. obviously this is a horrible, terrifying idea, and possibly the nail in the coffin for a lot of people who've been growing increasingly frustrated, angered and upset with the way Twitter is as a social media. Bluesky is an open-network Twitter alternative which is very similar to Twitter, but without an engagement-based algorithm: the only algorithms at play are ones you have control over, by voting to see more or less of posts. it has a Tumblr-like tagging system and doesn't shove unrelated, rage-baiting content into your face: you can actually search the tags properly, including what people have tagged on their own account.

i'm one of those people who has been vocal about how bad Twitter has been for my mental health. every day, despite my efforts to make it a lovely, fun place to be, i'd still get posts talking about horrible, untagged, triggering topics, whether that be accusations of abuse or photographs of individuals who've been severely harmed or killed. it was pushing me towards a breakdown. i conducted an experiment to see how long it took scrolling down my Twitter feed to see something that made me angry, upset, or anxious, and every time, it was within ten minutes. i've been wanting to leave Twitter for so long, but didn't feel there was another option besides here. now, there is. Bluesky has gained half a million people in the last day, and that number keeps going up. people are realising what an absolute fucking hellscape Twitter has become, and how sick it's been making everyone. on Twitter, nothing is private, or sacred: everyone is furious and upset and paranoid all of the time, and you aren't allowed to escape it. you physically can't. and that is not healthy or normal. i have not heard a single favourable thing about Twitter in two years. every conversation i have with someone about it, is always, 'i wish i could quit Twitter because it's making me sick, but it's really hard.'

so far, Bluesky has been like a breath of fresh air. it feels so...unburdened. the utter lack of charged, political, aggressive tweets has me feeling off-balance. all i'm seeing is lovely art from friends, and silly posts about how much nicer it is there!! yes, Bluesky is early days and it doesn't have as many bells and whistles as Twitter, but my God the people behind it are listening to its userbase. it is a functional, clean, relaxed type of social media that i think so, so many of you would benefit from joining. so please...if you've been feeling exhausted and infuriated by the standard Musk-era Twitter has set for social media, give Bluesky a shot. you can use the Sky Follower Bridge extension to find all your pals from Twitter who are already on Bluesky! and if you want to give me a follow, i'm @starleska.bsky.social - i'd love to see you there 🥰