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felassan · 4 years ago

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Dragon Age development insights and highlights from Bioware: Stories and Secrets from 25 Years of Game Development

Some really tasty factoids here.

Cut for length.

Dragon Age: Origins

The continent of Thedas was at one point going to be named Pelledia, a name initially floated by James Ohlen

“Qunari” was a temporary name that ended up unintentionally sticking, much like “Thedas”

Mary Kirby wrote the Landsmeet. To this day, nobody understands how it works, except possibly her. If she’s “really really drunk” she can explain how it works. There’s as many words in it as Sten’s entire conversations put together

Concept art for Thedosian art - as in in-world art - draws heavily on Renaissance-era portraiture, the Art Nouveau movement, religious styles and media like stained glass, and favorite pieces from the golden age of illustrations in the early 20th century

Andrastianism in-world (art-wise) is depicted in wildly different methods depending on who in-world made the art in question. “One religion, 3 different lenses”. There’s the Chantry take, the Orlesian take and the Fereldan take; each with its own different interpretations, different mediums and different stories

The stained glass images were drawn by Nick Thornborrow for DAI, to decorate religious spaces in that game “and beyond”

irl Viking art influenced Ferelden

Greek and Italian art influenced Orlais

The book also had other insights into and anecdotes from the development of DAO, but I’ve transcribed them recently as they’re essentially the stories DG has recently been relating on the awesome Summerfall Studios DAO playthrough Twitch streams. (On those streams he provides dev commentary while Liam Esler plays through DA. The ones with DG are currently once every two weeks. Check them out! Here’s a calendar where you can check when the next one is) Instead of repeating myself I’ll just provide the link to the first transcript. From there you can navigate to the subsequent parts. Note these streams are ongoing. At this point I will also point you to a related post which is cliff notes of the Dragon Age chapter in Jason Schreier’s book Blood Sweat and Pixels.

Dragon Age II

DAO had the longest development period in BioWare history. In contrast DA2 had the shortest

Initially DA2 was going to be an expansion to DAO. A few months in EA said “Yeah, expansions like these don’t sell very well, so let’s make it a sequel.” So it suddenly became DA2 and they had to make it even bigger, although they still only had 1.5 years of time in which to do this

Production of DA2 officially lasted only 9 months, and at the time the team was still supporting live content for DAO! They finished development that January after the design team crunched all the way through the holiday period that year. Then it went to cert 9 times

The limited time they had is why the story takes place mostly in and around 1 city, and over 7 years (so it was temporal, rather than over physical distance, because a more expansive world would have taken more irl time to make)

They had no time to review even the main plot. Mike Laidlaw pitched the idea of 3 stories taking place at different points in the PC’s life, tied together by Varric’s recollections of events. DG rolled with this and made 1 presentation on the idea. This presentation was then approved and off they went

As they were writing DG realized that there was going to be no oversight and that everything was going to be a ‘first draft’. “Because nobody had time.” He sat down with the writers and said “Look, here’s the conditions we’re working under. A lot of what we’re putting out is gonna be raw. We’re not going to get the editing we need. We’re not going to get the kind of iteration we need. So I’m going to trust you all to do your best work.”

Looking back, DG has mixed feelings on DA2. “A lot of corners were cut. The public perception was that it was smaller than DAO. That’s a sin on its own.”

Despite this he thinks DA2 has some of the best writing in the series, especially character-wise. The DA2 chars are his favorite

The pace with which production progressed may in some ways have helped. “When we do a lot of revision, we often file away [as in buff off] some of the good writing as well. Somehow DA2′s whirlwind process resulted in some really good writing”

The pace meant chars landed on the writers in various stages of completion. For example Isabela was fairly defined due to appearing in DAO. In contrast Varric at the start was just that single piece of widely-shown concept art

Varric was conceived as a storyteller not a fighter. His skills are talking and bullshitting. Hence the question became, so what does this guy do in combat? The direction was to make him as different as possible to Oghren, so not a warrior. He couldn’t be a dual-wielding rogue in order to differentiate him from Bela. But you can’t really picture this guy with a bow. “For a dwarf, it would probably be a crossbow. We didn’t have crossbows, or we only had crossbows for the darkspawn. And they were part of the models. We didn’t have a separate crossbow that was equip-able by the chars. They had to like, crop one off a darkspawn and remodel it. And that became Bianca” (quote: Mary Kirby)

“Dwarven mages are exceedingly rare.” [???]

If DAO was a classic fantasy painting, DA2 was a screenshot from a Kurosawa film or a northern Renaissance painting. (Here Matt Rhodes was commenting on art style)

John Epler: “In any one of our games, there’s a 95% chance that if you turn the camera away from what it’s looking at, you’ll see all kinds of janky stuff. The moment we know the camera is no longer facing someone, we no longer care what happens to them. We will teleport people around. We will jump people around. We will literally have someone walk off screen and then we will shift them 1000 meters down, because we’re fixing some bug.” John also talked about this camera stuff in a recent charity Twitch stream for Gamers For Groceries. There’s a writeup of that stream here

Designing Kirkwall pushed concept artists to the limits of visual storytelling, because it has a long history that they wanted to be present. It was once the hub of Tevinter’s slave empire, so it needed to look brutal and harsh, but it also then needed to feel reclaimed, evolved, and with elements of contemporary Free Marches culture

The initial plan was for DA titles to be distinguished by subtitles not numbers, so that each experience could stand on its own rather than feel like a sequel or continuation. (My note: New PCs in each entry make sense then when you consider this and other factoids we know like how DA is the story of the world not of any one PC). Later, DA2′s name was made DA2 in a bid to more clearly connect the game to its predecessor. For DAI they returned to the original naming convention. (My note: so I’d reckon they’d be continuing the subtitle naming convention for DA4)

DA2 was initially code-named “Nug Storm”, strictly internally

The Cancelled DA2 Expansion - Exalted March

This was a precursor to DAI

It was meant to bridge the gap between DA2 and DAI

It focused on the fallout from Kirkwall’s explosion, with Cory serving as the villain

Meredith’s red lyrium statue was basically going to infest Kirkwall and it would end up [with what would end up] the red templars taking over Kirkwall and essentially being Cory’s army

To stop him Hawke would have recruited various factions, including Bela’s Felicisima Armada and the Qunari at Estwatch, forcing Hawke to split loyalties and risk relationships in the process

It was meant to bring DA2′s story to an end and end in Varric’s death. DG was very happy with this because all of DA2 is Varric’s tale. The expansion was supposed to start at the moment Cassandra’s interrogation of him ended in the present. “And we finished off the story with Varric having this heroic death.” It tied things up and would have broken many fan hearts, something BioWare writers notoriously enjoy. But between a transition to the new Frostbite engine and the scope of DAI, the decision was made to cancel EM, work any hard-to-lose concepts into DAI, and in the process save Varric’s life. DG has talked about the Varric dying thing before

Concept art for EM explored new areas previously not depicted in the DA universe, with costumes that reflected next steps for familiar chars. Varric was going to war, what would he have worn? With Anders, if he survived DA2, the plan was to present a redeemed Warden

A char that vaguely resembled Sera in DAI was first concepted for EM. This fact was mentioned near this concept art (see the female elf) and this concept art of Bethany with the blond bob

The writers sketched out plans to end it with Hawke having the option to marry their LI. This included alternate ceremonies for party members like Bethany and Sebastian if the player opted not to wed. There was even a wedding dress made for Hawke. This asset made it into DAI (Sera and Cullen’s weddings in Trespasser). The dress can also be seen in DAI during an ambient NPC wedding after completing a chain of war table missions

The destruction of a Chantry was explored in concept art as it might have happened in EM. This idea ended up carrying over to the beginning of DAI. (My note: Lol, the idea that DA2 could have had 2 Chantries being destroyed in it 😆)

World of Thedas

Sheryl Chee and Mary Kirby started with “a disgusting little dish called fluffy mackerel pudding”. In the middle of DAO’s busy dev period one of them (they can’t remember who) found a recipe online for this, scanned in from a 70s cookbook. “I don’t understand why it was fluffy. Why would you want fluffy mackerel pudding?” MK says. “We loved it so much we included it in a DAO codex.”

This led them to create more food for Thedas, full recipes included, like a Fereldan turnip and barley stew from MK and SC’s Starkhaven fish and egg pie. The fish pie became Sebastian’s favorite. “To me it made sense for it to be fish pie because a lot of the Free Marches are on the coast”, SC says, “It was something that was popular in medieval times, so I thought, let’s make a fish pie! I looked at medieval recipes and I concocted a fish pie which I fed to my partner, and he was like ‘This is not terrible’”

For WoT the whole studio was asked to contribute family recipes which might have a place in Thedas. SC adapted these to fit in one Thedosian culture or another, including a beloved banana bread that localization producer Melanie Fleming would regularly bake to keep the DA team motivated. “Melanie’s banana bread got us through Inquisition”

DAI

It says part of DAI takes place in or near the border with Nevarra [???]

This game was aimed to be bigger than DA2 and even DAO in every conceivable way

The first hour had to do a lot of heavy lifting, tying together the events of DAO and DA2 while introducing a new PC, new followers etc in the aftermath of the big attack. DG rewrote it 7 times then Lukas Kristjanson did 2 more passes

DG: “Our problem is always that our endings are so important, but we leave them to last, when we have no time. I kept pushing on DAI: ‘Can we work on the ending now? Can we work on the ending now? Can we do it early on?’ Because I knew exactly what it was going to be. But despite the fact that it kept getting scheduled, whenever the schedule started falling behind, it kept getting pushed back... so, of course, it got left til last again.”

“The reveal of the story’s real antagonist, Solas, a follower until the end, when he betrayed the player”. “Solas’ story remains a main thread in Inquisition’s long-awaited follow-up” [these aren’t DG quotes, just bits of general text]

Over the course of development they had 8 full-time writers and 4 editors working on it. Other writers joined later to help wrangle what ended up being close to 1 million words of dialogue and unspoken text. While many teams moved to a more open concept style of work for DAI, the writers remained tucked away in their own room, a choice DG says was necessary, given how much they talked. All the talking had a purpose ofc as if someone hit a bump or wall in their writing they would open the problem up to the room

As writing on a project like DAI progresses, the writers grow punchier and weirder things make it into the game. This is especially the case towards the end of a project (they get tired, burned out)

Banter and codexes require less ‘buy-in’ (DG has talked about this concept a few times on the Twitch streams) from other designers. DG liked to leave banter for last as a reward because it was fun. Banter begins as lists of topics for 2 followers to discuss. These may progress over time or be one off exchanges. One banter script can balloon to well over 10k words. “The banter was always huge because we were always like, laughing, and really at that point, our fields of fucks were rather barren, so we would just do whatever”

The bog unicorn happened pretty much by accident. It was designed by Matt Rhodes and was one of his fav things to design. They needed horse variations and he had already designed an undead variant which was a bog mummy [bog body]. irl these are preserved in a much different way to traditional mummies. When someone dies in a bog their skin turns black and raisin-like. The examples we know of tend to have bright red hair for whatever reason. It’s a very striking look and MR wanted to do a horse version of this as he thought it’d be neat. 5 mins before the review meeting for it he had a big ‘Aha!’ moment, quickly looked up a rusty old Viking sword, and photoshopped it through its skull like that was how it died. “And I was like, ‘I just made a unicorn. Alright, in it goes!’” It got approved. “So we built the thing. It fit. It told a little story”

With the irl Inquisition longsword, one of the objects they tested its cleaving ability on was a plush version of Leliana’s nug Schmooples

The concept art team explored a wide variety of visuals for the Inquisitor’s signature mark. It needed to look powerful and raw but couldn’t look like a horrific wound. In some cases, as cool as the idea looked on paper, they just weren’t technically feasible, especially as they had to be able to fit on any number of different bodies

Bug report: “Endlessly spawning mounts! At one point during development, Inquisitors could summon a new horse every time they whistled, allowing them to amass a near infinite number of eager steeds that faithfully followed them across Thedas. “You could go charging across levels and they’d all gallop behind you,” Jen Cheverie says, “It was beautiful.” Trotting into town became an epic horse siege as a tidal wave of mounts enveloped the streets. Jen called it her Army of Ponies”

The giants came from DA Week, an internal period when devs can pursue different individual creative projects that in some way benefit DA. They also had a board game from one of these that they were going to put in but they didn’t have time. It’s referenced though. It was dwarven chess

Josie’s outfit is made of gold silk and patterned velvet, with leather at her waist. She carries “an ornate ledger” and she has “an ornamented collar sitting around her neck, finished by a brilliant red ruby, like a drop of Antivan wine in a sunbeam”

Iron Bull’s armor is leather. His loose pantaloons and leather boots give him agility to charge

On DAI in particular, concept artists took special care to make sure costumes would be realistic, at least in a practical ‘this obeys the laws of physics and textiles’ sense. “While on Inquisition, we thought about cosplay from a concept art perspective. Given how incredible a lot of [cosplays] are, I now am not worried about them. In fact in some cases in the future I want to throw them curveballs like, ‘All right, you clever bastards. Let’s see if you can do this!’”

2 geese that nested on the office building and had chicks were named Ganders and Arishonk (it wasn’t known who was the mom or the dad). Other possible names were Carver Honke, Bethany Honke, Urdnot Pecks, Quackwall, Cassandra Pentagoose, the Iron Bill, Shepbird, Garroose, Admiral Quackett, Scout Honking, HChick-47 and Darth Malgoose

Bug report: “The surprising adventures of Ser Noodles!” DAI was the first time the series had a mount feature, meaning this had a lot of bugs. A lot of the teams’ favorite bugs were to do with the mounts. There was a period of time where the Inquisitor’s horse seemed to lose all bone and muscle in its legs. They had a week or so where all quadruped legs were broken. It was a bit noticeable in things like nugs and other small beasties but the horse was insanely obvious. “The first time we summoned the horse [for this] and started running around, the entire QA exploration room just exploded with laughter.” Its legs flapped around like cooked fettucine, leading testers to lovingly nickname it Ser Noodles. At galloping speeds the legs almost looked like helicopter blades, especially when footage was set to classic pieces such as Wagner’s Flight of the Valkyries

For DAI the artists were asked questions like “What would Morrigan wear to a formal ball? Can Cassandra pull off a jaunty hat?”

On DAI storyboarding became the norm. John Epler: “Cinematic design for the longest time was the Wild West. It was ‘here’s a bunch of content, now do it however you want’, which resulted in some successes and some failures.” Storyboarding gave designers a consistent visual blueprint based on ideas from designers, writers and concept artists

Quote from a storyboard by Nick Thornborrow (the Inquisitor going into the party at the end of basegame sequence): “Until Corypheus revealed himself they could not see the single hand behind the chaos. A magister and a darkspawn combined. The ultimate evil. So evil. Eviler than puppy-killers and egg farts combined.”

A general note on concept art:

In the early stages of any project, before the concept artists are aware of any writing, they like to just draw what they think cool story moments could be. It’s not unusual for the team to then be inspired by these and fold them into the game as the project progresses

– From Bioware: Stories and Secrets from 25 Years of Game Development

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writingbywatson · 3 years ago

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Genshin Boys With A Dense Crush (Part 2)

Here is part 2~ so, the reason why I didn't include Bennett and Razor is the fact that I can never write for them, like IDK why but its just very hard for me. So yeah, sorry about that. Part 1 (Albedo, Childe and Diluc)

Chongyun

Dense + Dense = more dense

It was painfully obvious that Chongyun likes you but for some reason, he can’t quite figure that out for himself

But everyone around them knows

Xingqiu is actually on the road to writing a book about the two of you

Xiangling, Xinyan, Hu Tao, and Yan Fei are betting on how long until Chongyun realizes his feelings

Chongyun doesn’t know why he likes to see you every day, wants to have meals with you, and why he gets uncomfortable when he sees you with another person and smiling at them

Maybe it was the work of g-

“Oh I like them” -Chongyun one day when he woke up

He consulted his best friend Xingqiu about this and Xingqiu just placed his books down and said “dear archons finally, it was getting very painful to watch”

So the two started planning a cute little confession scenario

Somewhere Xinyan and Yan Fei are crying because they lost the best but Yan Fei is arguing that betting was illegal and has no ground in the law… Yan Fei, you betted with your conscience please stop

Anyway!

The pair of best friends decided to go with a simple type of confession because less is more in Xingqiu’s books

It was going so well, a cute dinner and all of that

“I like you Y/N, can we be more than that?”

Oh is that Xingqiu, Xiangling, Xinyan, Hu Tao, and Yan Fei spying on both of you from the bushes? Why, yes indeed.

“You want to be best friends Chongyun? But don’t you have Xingqiu as your best friend already?” - you with your ever so innocent voice and expression

Chongyun is frozen in place

Xingqiu, Xiangling, Xinyan, Hu Tao and Yan Fei are betting again this time how many times will Chongyun get a friendzone

Kaeya

Someone revive him

He can’t take your dense nature anymore

This is Kaeya after all everything he does allude to something so WHY WON'T YOU GET IT STILL

“Oh, Kaeya? You like someone!? Can you introduce me to them?” - you asking excitedly upon hearing his and Rosaria’s conversation

Kaeya was pretty sure he was describing you

Rosaria is holding back her laugh, she can't breathe… SOMEONE SAVE HER

“I love them but this dense attitude is too much!” - Kaeya as he slams his fist on top of Diluc’s bar

“Have you tried wooing them?” - Diluc as his wiping a glass down, he's so nonchalant about this situation LMAO

“HAVE I TRIED?” - Kaeya sounding very offended

“How about getting a white bed sheet and painting “will you marry me Y/N” on it?” - Rosaria

“Yeah, they leave me no ch-”

“Sit down, don’t embarrass yourself like a child” - Diluc pushing his brother down to sit

“HOW WILL I GET MY FEELINGS ACROSS THOUGH!”

“Just confess, normally… like… a normal person” - Diluc

Kaeya decided that in two days time he was going to confess to you, two days because he needed to make sure it was perfect

But the moment he saw you laughing with some random guy all the planning was thrown out the window

“Meet me in front of the church when the sun rises” - Kaeya to you when he passes by you at the corridor of the headquarters

When you arrived, he made you stand at the flight of stairs in front of the church while he went down

He kneeled with his right knee touching the ground and he pulled a very neatly folded white sheet from his pocket

He unraveled it and wrote, “WILL YOU MARRY ME Y/N?”

But even before you can react a thunderous shouting can be heard and a chuckle

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!? I SAID CONFESS NORMALLY!” -Diluc

Thoma

I’m going to try but still little info on this new pyro husband

Thoma is a very understanding boy

He likes you so much that he's willing to wait

But damn has he been waiting long

He decided he was going to confess to you today as well!

“Y/N! I like you!” - Thoma

“I like you too! You are like my best friend!” - you

Every time this happens Thoma stress eats.

Ayaka is giggling because he has never seen her friend like this

He's trying his best for you to like him, he cooks for you, takes care of you, guards you, protects you…

WHAT IS HE DOING WRONG!?

“You know the festival is ongoing” -Ayato as he watches his sister’s friend mop around like a puppy who has been kicked. “Why don’t you try confessing properly and straight-forwardly there?”

That gave him an idea

He dragged to the talisman-wishing thing and told you that you two should make one

When the both of you were done, you should each other what you made and to your surprise, Thoma made a drawing of the both of you holding hands

“It’s not us being best friends forever” - he clarified

“It’s me hoping to spend many more years beside you as your lover.”

Venti

Barbatos aka Venti the Bard has been singing a lot of love songs lately

Especially when you were in the audience watching

He always likes your smile especially when you were watching him

So when the two of you were strolling around near the church of Monstad

He decided that he was going to confess today

Years of being alone and he finally get what Vanessa told him about meeting the right person

“Y/N, I love you-”

“Aww, Venti, I love you too!”

“Really?!” - Venti very excitedly

“Yeah! I love you as a friend! We’re like besties!”

Dvalin felt that

Andrius felt that

Hell even Vanessa felt that from Celestia

“Oh I got to go, bestie, I have something to do! See you tomorrow!”

Lately, the winds of Monstad have been depressing?

“I don’t understand! I thought they liked me back!” Venti his chugging his alcohol while Diluc looked at him in irritation

Diluc wants to kick him out but Venti is Monstad’s archon so he decided against it

“Venti! There you are!” - you

Venti hears your voice and because his drunk his happy instead of upset

He throws himself at you in an attempt of a sloppy hug

“Y/N! I love you~”

“I love you too, we are fr-”

“NO! I LOVE YOU LIKE A SIGNIFICANT OTHER I LOVE YOU! THAT TYPE OF LOVE THAT IF YOU ASK ME TO FIGHT MORAX I WOULD!”

Xiao

When Xiao first had these feelings he was confused

He lived a long life and this was the first time in his life where when he sees someone his chest becomes constricted and warm

“Xiao! Do you like traveler!?” - you excitedly

Xiao felt a tightening in his chest not that good type but am i being stab right now type of tightening

His answer would usually be along the lines of no and he can’t have relationships with mortals

He usually has a lot more patience with you compared to others but hearing you say that he looks good with someone else just made something in him snap

He didn’t mean to shout at you nor did he mean it when he said you should leave him alone

That’s why he's waiting for you at Wangshun Inn, his loneliness grew into worry when after 2 days you weren’t back yet

Upon eavesdropping around he also found out that no one has seen you and your last known location was Mt. Hulao and he immediately began to worry because that place was prohibited to humans

“Are you looking for someone?” - Mountain Sharper appeared behind Xiao as he reached the top of Mt. Hulao. “Are you looking for a mortal perhaps?”

“How did-”

“-That mortal is pretty noisy, they don’t stop talking and they know you.”

Oh, the warm feeling in his chest is back because they were talking about him which means that they weren’t angry at him!

“Where are they!?” Xiao would realize and I swear to you his ready to break every amber rock around Mt.Hulao

“Calm down, they are currently collecting Qingxin flowers”

Right on cue, “XIAO!? IS THAT YOU!?” he heard your voice from behind him, when he saw you, he immediately rushes to you and hugs you

“What are you doing here!?” Xiao would ask, his voice was raised only because of relief

“Oh, I got lost! And Moon Sharper here saw me, we ended up chatting and I guess I forgot the time, he shared so many stories about y- WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE THAT ARE YOU HURT!?”

“I’m alright… I just… I m-miss…”

Moon Sharper is just looking at this scene and he knows he's about to spill the hottest tea next time the adeptus (idk plural form okay) have a dinner party

Xingqiu

At first glance, it might look like that he isn’t affected at all

But internal his boiling

WHY WERE YOU SO DENSE

IF IT WEREN’T FOR HIS CLAN'S TEACHING AND WHAT NOT HIS PROBABLY ABOUT TO ASK YOU FOR A FIGHT

“You’ll make a great husband someday Xingqiu, I know it! Your future wife would be so happy!”

“I want you to be my wife though”

“What was that?”

“NOTHING!”

He knows he needs to move so he can win your heart but how can he when you were dodging every advance he makes

What is more frustrating is that YOU ARE NOT EVEN DOING IT ON PURPOSE

As an author he wants to experience romance first hand, so he tries to be romantic about it but this was frustrating

He decided to pull his last technique from his sleeves

He lent you a very romantic book and between one of the pages he inserted a paper that read “I wish for you to be my muse.”

If that doesn’t work Xingqiu is going to ask you to fight him

Zhongli

Zhongli, Rex Lapis aka Morax has lived thousands of years

Yet this is the first time he encountered someone so dense at first he taught you were just kidding and pretending but when he described what he likes in someone which was pertaining to you

You simply said “WOW THEY SOUND WONDERFUL AND YOU MUST REALLY LIKE THEM BECAUSE YOU SOUND SO IN LOVE” at his face with genuine awe, there was no sign of you being flustered and whatnot

Hu Tao was there to witness this and the younger female had a good laugh when she witnessed this

Zhongli is now praying to Guizhong for help and patience

He first wondered if the reason for such behavior was because you dislike him but it wasn’t the case because you would always smile when you see him

Which makes his knees very weak

In heaven, all the dead gods are laughing at him

He has lived for so many years and yet he doesn’t know what to do because he wants to spend years with you

But a part of him says this isn’t right because his an immortal and you were a mortal, someday him being a former god would drive an enigma in the future

That’s why he was also hesitating on his part

“Zhongli, look-look! A merchant from Monstad gave me a Cecilia!” - you snapping him from his thought, he's a tall man so you had to tip-toe to put the flower in his hair

“There you look even prettier now!” - you smiling up to him

As you were withdrawing your hand, Zhongli grabs it and places it in front of his lips

“I love you Y/N”

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dramarising-replacement · 4 years ago

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Hey! It seems like there’s been a Lot of Confusion about the crow subspecies. The subspecies creator wrote a blog post off dr a while back clearing up some of that misinformation. It didn’t get seen by many people since it was in a reblog to one of the many crow drama posts here. I’ve reposted the relevant parts here: to read the rest or doublecheck that I didn’t make it up, just find the original post. Like the author or hate the author: those with firsthand knowledge of the subspecies can agree on all the parts reposted here. Several sections of the original post have been snipped as it speculated on the reasons behind the confusion. That section was removed because this post is not about who did what, it’s about keeping more people like T from Ice from being caught in the crossfire. From their replies on DR, the subject of that speculation seems to have that same goal as me and has been defending 99.9% of crow owners in their DR replies. That makes them no enemy of mine. Full disclosure: Like some other anons here, I own crows and the idea of getting caught in the drama crossfire (unless it’s from my own mistakes!) is exhausting. I don’t want to break any rules by saying my name so: I’m that person with the crow lineage project threads who used to raffle off lore hatchlings. Even though I don’t use Chinese inspired lore, I’ve been revamping my own projects based on some comments from the poc commenters here so thanks for your wisdom. tl;dr for long post: The asian crow subspecies actually has no connection to any Asian cultures. Some people in it make personal lore that’s inspired by fantasy genres, real life cultures, or even cowboys: but it is not an ‘Asian’ subspecies. All known allegations (and anyone with allegations to levy pls correct me if I am wrong) are against 2-3 people and don’t reflect the many many more with the subspecies in their dens. ————————— Hello, I am the creator of the Crow subspecies that is currently being discussed. I want to clear up some of the confusion that has been surfacing over it due to the overwhelming number of misunderstandings arising from the subject. Regarding Subspecies Owner: There is one subspecies creator and that is myself. Neither T from Ice nor C from Earth (anon note: nor FJ from Fire or me for that matter) are creators of the subspecies. Any mentioned excluding myself have played no part in the creation of the subspecies lore. Any other user’s personal lore likewise has had no involvement in the subspecies lore itself, and are separate entities. Regarding Subspecies + Racism/Other: There seems to be misinformation saying that the subspecies is inspired by one or multiple Asian cultures. The subspecies itself is a blank slate that has no cultural inspiration and is meant as a springboard for other people to develop their lore with. There is no real-world culture involved nor even humans in the subspecies lore. Some members enjoy gijinka art and that is their personal choice: humanizations which occur due to personal lore preference is entirely separate from the subspecies lore as a whole. The subspecies lore itself focuses solely on dragons as reflected in their representations on-site on Flight Rising, following theming from the Plague Flight. The subspecies lore has been used as a starting block for users to write their own lore, taking inspiration from a combination of their own cultures and experiences, fantasy genres and historical novels that they've enjoyed, and more often from their imaginations. In my awareness, no one is looking to recreate much less condense a culture more than it is a few members taking respectful inspiration from real-world cultures. Some of the accusations of racism may be the result of misconceptions about the naming theme that I use with my personal dragons. Most users have a common theme for how they choose their dragon names. Mine are named after various types of fictional and real weapons. Some of these weapons have English-specific names like the scythe or the sickle. Some weapons don't have an English-specific version of their names like the kukri or the kujang. And some of my dragons depart from this naming system and are named after the naming systems of the FR users who gave them to me/whose lore stories they participate in. If this naming system has caused any confusion then I hope this provides further clarification. As for dark/disease themes: Nothing about the subspecies lore requires dark themes. The subspecies lore itself only mentions a viral as a result of being inspired by the Plague Flight, with no attribution to people. The subspecies dragons themselves are exceptionally healthy and while their claws have different “venom types,” this is not meant as an allegory for people spreading diseases or plagues. The original abilities are based on the “Contaminate” battle stone and its description. (anon note: The subspecies was created in early 2019 and is not a reference to recent real life events. That would be abominable. The disease-spreading element is based entirely on the Plague Flight and that battle stone.) Regarding Personal Clan Lore: The FR users involved in the subspecies are as varied as any other group of FR users. Some users don't write lore and just like the look of the dragons. Others write their subspecies lore based on fairytales they read as a child, after famous novels or popular games. A few of the users who like the subspecies happen to draw inspiration from real-life cultures. As stated above, this isn't unusual for FR users. I've found that many of these users do their best to draw from personal experiences, cultural studies, and books or movies created by those cultures. If someone finds something offensive with the writings of those who use my subspecies lore, I encourage you to contact them over FR and discuss it with them. Likewise, if anything in my lore is offensive then I would be more than happy for you to contact me over PMs to talk about it. But before doing so, I suggest reading it for yourself over making any judgments based on secondhand information. (anon notes: A section here was removed because it called out a former discord member.) Other minor clarifications: Unfortunately, there’s a lot of misinformation that seems to have led to misunderstandings which have resulted in innocent people being accused or made needlessly uncomfortable. If there are any continued concerns about racism/fetishism, I encourage you to read through the subspecies lore and people’s contributions to it. It’s less exciting than secondhand rumors but the truth usually is. If there remain any grievances outside of this, I still welcome you to contact me privately over PM to discuss. ————————— anon notes: If you made it this far: wow you have a lot of patience! All words left in the reposting of V’s post reflect my own experiences as well. I might make a tumblr to respond to any questions that people might have: but as the main people bringing up allegations against members of the crow subspecies have firsthand experience with the subspecies, maybe they can help confirm that this information is true too. tl;dr is at top of post

#Drama #Rant #Flight Rising #Lore #Long post #submission

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prince-of-elsinore · 4 years ago

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On Gunslingers, the "March of Progress," and Leaving a Legacy

An analysis of themes in Supernatural Season 12

In a previous post rambling about season 12, I stumbled onto the idea of American Hunters vs. the British Men of Letters as a classic Western set-up: the lone gunslinger who lives by his wits, skill, grit, and personal moral code, vs. the advance of "civilization" colonizing and "taming" the West, effectively pushing out the gunslinger and making him obsolete. The land becomes a more inhabitable place (for white settlers), but with the comforts and safety of civil society come society's norms and mores, which leave no space for the shades of gray in which the vigilante gunslinger operates. If we take the BMOL mission at face value, they are attempting the same sort of colonization of "wild" (monster-infested) America. Britain is "civilized" (monster-free) thanks to the BMOL, whereas in the US, lone operator hunters (gunslingers) rove the country, sometimes saving people, but not all the people, and always operating according to their personal judgment, faulty as it may be (see Gordon, Roy and Walt, Martin, to name a few). Leaving aside the question of whether the BMOL's goal of ridding the country of monsters is realistic (the US in not an island like Britain), their aim, if achieved, would undoubtedly make the US a safer country for its human residents.

(I'm aware that this analogy is problematic for equating monsters with native inhabitants who must be wiped out or assimilated, and humans with white colonizers. This is an implication that the show itself makes. This post isn't about the problematic and ethically inconsistent portrayal of monsters in Supernatural, though, which is a huge topic in and of itself, so I acknowledge that it is an issue, but one I don't aim to address here.)

What the US would lose if the BMOL succeeded is the "rugged individualism" of the hunter ethos, and the nuances that their personal codes allow--a second chance for the psychic Magdas and werewolf Claire Novaks of the world. The show, of course, wants us to side with the hunters, the good ol' fashioned gunslingers. It makes it easy (too easy) for us to do by presenting the BMOL as caricaturish villains with a cruelly rigid code. This has the effect of aligning the audience against the "march of progress" (just as many Westerns implicitly do--therein lies the genre's subversive potential).

Let's take a closer look at 12x14 "The Raid" in this light. The Alpha vampire has been drawn out of retirement by the BMOL's meddling:

Alpha: I'm old. I like living quietly. You've been making my life awfully noisy lately. You've killed so many of my children. I've seen your work. In England, I didn't get involved because, well, it's England. But America, yes. America is my home. And it's time that you get off my lawn.

Clearly, America holds a privileged position in monsters' minds, or at least in this particular very, very old monster's mind. It is still the "Wild West," and it is "home" for monsters. No reason is given for this; it's safe to say it's a purely ideological impulse on the part of the show.

This exchange between Sam and the Alpha follows:

Sam: My family and I, we kill vamps when they get out of line. And you've let us. Alpha: I have many children, Sam. What's one, two, here or there? Sam: Exactly. So? Let my mom and me go. We'll walk away, go back to the way things were, to the way things are supposed to be. Hunters and vampires, cops and robbers, a fair fight.

"Cowboys and Indians" could just as easily fill in for "cops and robbers" there--in fact, the obvious absence of that analogy is a ringing silence. The show is skirting dangerously close around the edges of its uncomfortable premise.

What I want to draw attention to, though, is Sam's assertion that this is a "fair fight." What he's proposing is a return to the status quo, where some people, by default, will die. Of course, Sam is bluffing--he does plan to kill the Alpha here and now, hardly "fighting fair" (hm, just as European settlers made so many underhanded deals with Native Americans)--and at the end of the episode he does team up with the BMOL. By the end of the season, though, with the hunters uniting to drive out the British invaders, this is precisely the status quo the Americans are fighting for: one where many people who don't deserve will die at the hands of monsters, but perhaps a few others will live whom the BMOL would have killed. The protracted struggle between humans and monsters is thereby positioned as a sort of natural symbiosis, part of the circle of life. This allows for the perpetuation of the mythic "Wild West," which is necessary for the very existence of the show, and especially for the hunters to be seen as the "good guys." The show convinces us to reject "civilization" and embrace vigilantism as better than the alternative. It's impossible to pinpoint this ideology as exclusively conservative or progressive; it has implications in either direction. The world of hunters and monsters was never a perfect metaphor, after all, but one thing is clear in season 12: hunters are the heroes.

This brings me to another central theme of the season: legacy. After season 11, it seems that the show wanted to "correct course." Season 11 is entirely about Sam and Dean cleaning up a mess (the Darkness) they directly caused, after all, and after that narrowly-averted apocalypse, it's fair to ask the question, "do Sam and Dean really do more good than harm"? Season 12 gives us a resounding "yes," over and over again. The message is that hunting, for all its hardships and messiness, is worth it.

In 12x06 "Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox" (which I've written about previously) we get a taste of the sort of legacy Sam and Dean are making for themselves. It might come as a surprise, after seeing hunters hunt down Sam and Dean in previous seasons (Gordon and Kubrick in season 2, Roy and Walt in season 5), that other hunters now welcome Sam and Dean in their midsts and even revere them. One might rightfully ask, what would they do if they knew Sam and Dean and their codependency nearly caused another apocalypse not too long ago? Inconsistencies aside, it's apparent that Sam and Dean are appreciated as something like heroes in their own world. In the episode, they share this exchange:

Sam: Did you know people tell stories about us? Dean: Yeah. Apparently we’re a little bit legendary. Sam: Yeah, but, I mean, so was Asa. Then a hunt went bad, and he ended up hanging from a tree, alone in the woods.

Sam still wonders, characteristically, if the heroism is worth it. But in 12x09 "First Blood," he's the one with this iconic line:

SAM: We’re the guys that save the world.

This is a statement of identity, in response to the question "who are you?" Sam might as well say, "we're the heroes."

In 12x11 "Regarding Dean," Dean has his moment to affirm that their line of work is worth its toll. Talking about the curse that made Dean lose his memory, Sam makes this comment:

Sam: Some of the things we've done, we've had this weight for... forever. And seeing it gone, uh, you looked happy. Dean: Huh. Well, look, was it nice to drop our baggage? Yeah, maybe. Hell, probably. But it wasn't just the crap that got lost. I mean, it was everything. It was us, it was what we do, you know? All of it. So... that's what being happy looks like? I think I'll pass.

Again, Dean is making a statement of identity. The Winchesters are what they do, and what they do is the right thing, and that is worth giving up happiness for.

One common complaint about season 12 is that it heroizes Sam and Dean too much. They were never meant to be the Big Damn Heroes, the "guys who save the world," as if it's a day job--they're meant to be the underdogs, the messy humans doing their best, sometimes failing, but rising to the occasion when it counts most, despite the terrible costs. Perhaps this is true, and perhaps this season does go overboard in trying to smooth over the messy cracks in the heroic facade. The show could have done better than to make the heroes and villains so black and white, certainly. Perhaps the show does lose some of its identity in erasing the moral ambiguities that always made it so intriguing.

There are moments, however, that are still thematically resonant with the show as a whole--more understated moments that remember the bigger picture. One such moment is when legacy is explicitly addressed in 12x18 "The Memory Remains":

Dean: What do you think our legacy's gonna be? When we're gone, I mean, after all the stuff we've done, you think folks will remember us? You know, like, a hundred years from now? Sam: No. Dean: Oh, that's nice. Sam: Well, I mean... Guys like us, we're not exactly the type of people they write about in history books, you know? Dean: Mm. Sam: But the people we saved, they're our legacy. And they'll remember us and then I guess... We'll eventually fade away, too. That's fine, because we left the world better than we found it, you know.

This exchange presents Sam and Dean's heroism on a human scale. They're not the guys that save the whole world--even if they did do that, a few times. They're the guys that save individual human lives, time and again. That's who they are, and it's what matters most. Sam's right: in the world of Supernatural, few people 100 years on will know the names of Sam and Dean Winchester. Perhaps a few hunter stories will still be passed around, and maybe a new resident of the bunker will piece together some old information. But everyone that the Winchesters saved will remember them for the rest of their lives, and those very lives they get to live are the Winchesters' legacy. Once those people pass away, Sam and Dean will fade from memory, but for them, it was never about being remembered; it was always about doing good--a common aim to which they are equally committed, at this point. Sam and Dean's greatest redemption has never been in saving the world (often from problems they themselves caused), but in saving people, and this holds true to the very end of the show.

#spn meta #spn season 12 #spn episode the memory remains #spn episode the raid #season 12 meta #i could go on forever about hunters as gunslingers. shouldering the burden of solitude. their complex relationship with society #from which they are forever barred and yet which they inevitably long for even if it means their own obsolescence #BUT that's not entirely relevant to the post ha #my meta #spn #spn and legacy

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yououghtaknow · 4 years ago

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18 and 20 for the meta asks? also I already commented on clip 3 but fr this clip was so good that was such a good execution of that scene and s5 has been so good and literally brightens my day thank u 💛 i hope you’re doing well

hi, thank you so much!!!!!!!! i hope you’re doing well too <3 <3

i am putting a read more because i am a rambley person, but underneath you will find talks of unused plot points, the parallels between the girl squad and the lad squad, and what taylor swift album(s) i believe each season has the vibe of.

tw for discussion of abuse, mental health problems, addiction and eating disorders

18. Do any of your stories have alternative versions? (plotlines that you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterisations?) Tell us about them.

skam brighton has. so many aus. because it itself is an au of an original work. me and two of my great writing friends have written a great numbers of aus including but not limited to riordian-verse, glee, doctor who, rwrb, trc, a murder mystery au, and many aus based on comfort media of mine that i started on never finished (house of anubis, barbie movies, etc.). and many of them are unironically so good???? @fingersmithbysarahwaters and @nightwing642 are incredibly talented screenwriters. but also i did write a screenplay adaptations of the first two books in the raven cycle series and 2/3s of rwrb for no reason other than fun and autism.

as for skam brighton. oh boy. not many plot points have been changed, but some certain scenes/character moments were changed. for example, the scene in season 2 episode 8 where liz has a meltdown at the shopping centre and she has a heart to heart with mary was originally liz having a meltdown and running into al in the sensory room. but i wanted to hold back on revealing al as a main character until season 3.

also in the og season 3, jake and al didn’t break up. as i was finishing the season, i was getting ideas for how i wanted the series to develop (james’s crush on al namely) so i thought it would be good for both of their developments for them not to end up together. also in season 3 i hadn’t planned for jake to move house originally, so there was a scene in the finale episode of the lad squad hanging out, but it got cut because it just didn’t make sense.

in season 4, al and bree were a lot meaner to each other originally, because i love it when it gets busy at the brighton and the gay people get mean, but then i thought about it and decided it was out of character for both of them to be downright cruel. al and bree also had a scene in season 4 that was cut due to just not making sense.

also, in season 5, the “inner white girl” scene originally wasn’t in the show at all, but one day i was listening to the song, and about a week before the episode came out, i wrote it. also, bree wasn’t written to be a she/they until literally the day of putting the clip out because i thought it would be cool. that’s it :)

also the way i write is that i write the full clip out in a google doc and then edit it in ao3 about an hour before i put it out, so a lot of changes happen there. just small things, like making dialogue flow better, changing certain songs because i just want to, and sometimes adding in new sequences that i just thought of.

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

oh!!!! there!!!!! is!!!!!

personally, my favourite thing to write is little symbolic moments that make me happy because i play 4d chess in my head with myself every time i write.

before i go off, i must say, so many hints and clues have been dropped for season six so far. season six has been my favourite season to write and i’m already planning a spin-off project based on it to write, and it’s gonna be starting sooner than you think.

so a piece of writing i’ve been thinking about lately is the parallels between the girl squad and the lad squad. before i begin to go off, these are the characters i think parallel each other the most.

jake - sandy james - bree nick - rori theo - esther al - liz

jake and sandy is quite an obvious parallel to draw - both are football players, both begin the series closeted and having a close relationship with bryan - but their personalities are quite similar. both of them are closer with their mother than their father, both use their relationships as a method of protection, and both are afraid of of societal rejection at the beginning of the series. they also both discovered their sexualities and mental health issues over the course of their seasons, and both of their love interests are more outgoing theatre kids. jake and sandy’s relationship is also so interesting to me - because they start as very awkward friends, and jake tries to help sandy by making bryan break up with her, but outs her in the process, and sandy doesn’t want to forgive him. she takes her time and comes to terms with it on her own and decides to forgive him because sandy’s just a sweetheart - and this also parallels the way jake takes his time to forgive his mother. also, in their friend groups, they’re both the newcomer to them, and we get the introductions to the group dynamics in their seasons, and in the later seasons, they’re both a lot more relaxed as they’re in recovery <3

james and bree are also very similar characters. both have problems with substance abuse, both have promiscuous reputations, both have both mommy and daddy issues. they are both dean girls, to put it in spn terms. they’re both very funny, and use humour to cover up their struggles. both are dealing with a lot of mental illness and, throughout the series, it becomes more and more clear. they’re also both seen as “the hot ones” of their groups, with a lot of the characters canonically having small crushes on them (liz, rori and nick with james; rori, esther and annabell with bree). they’ve also both canonically hooked up with sophie. which i just think is fun. they also played mimi and roger together, which i think shows their parallels as addicts and people (with roger struggling with recovery and depression until the end, when he begins to get help, and mimi living the high life until it all crumbles down around her). they also share a want for independence and both are very sana-esque characters (james being middle eastern and religious, bree being the cool rebel girl in season 1).

nick and rori are both the “fun friend”. they’re both comedic relief in the early seasons, but we do get in depth with them as the show goes on. in grease, they play james and bree’s love interests (which is ironic, as rori and bree get together and nick is in love with james), and in rent, they play angel and maureen, the two main comedic relief characters. both of them struggle to connect their asian identity with their british identity, and both struggle with how the world perceives them (nick with their gender presentation and rori with her eating disorder). they both struggle with toxic masculinity and toxic femininity and use humour to cover up their struggles.

theo and esther are similar in the fact that they’re the squad members we know the least about. they’re both jewish, they’re both the mum friend of their respective groups, they’re both autistic and they’re both quite nerdy. they’re the most grounded member of their respective groups and tend to take charge and help make decisions. they’re also both quite sarcastic and very firm in their opinions.

al and liz are parallels simply because they are both nooras and vildes. they’r eboth autistic, they’re both the odd one out in their friend groups - liz being a lot more serious than the girl squad, al being a lot more in his own little world than the lad squad. they’re both very blunt and straight forward and say whatever they’re thinking.

also just some of my favourite bits of foreshadowing: nick being bitchy to liz throughout season 2 because they’re in love with james….. al talking about his sister to jake in season 3 and whenever al talks to the girl squad, bree insults him or walks away…… in season 4 episode 1, audrey mentions bree’s cousin is pregnant and then when bree finds out the results of her pregnancy test, oh no by marina plays (i’m now becoming my own self fulfilling prophecy)....... nick and all of his gender stuff throughout the series……. just all of the character stuff with grease and rent….. also just bree and rori’s whole relationship arc because it has everything. queerbaiting. subverting expectations. musical homoeroticism. a little cheating for fun. and they were best friends. honestly bree and rori season 3 is very august by taylor swift…… you weren’t mine to lose……..

speaking of, no one asked by here’s each season of skambr and the taylor swift albums they’re most like.

season 1 - debut/fearless

bro sandy is just such a debut/fearless era person. she’s looking for her place in this world!!!!!! she has the teardrops on my guitar energy (quite literally sandy pre-canon voice i bet he’s beautiful that boy she talks about and he has everything that i have to live without about bryan and sophie)..... the fun giggly crush songs that are deeply homoerotic….. esther season 1 voice the entirety of you belong with me. like esther really made a deeper connection with sandy in one month that bryan did in years of knowing her. sandy also is the type of person to stan love story, she just thinks it’s such a fun song and she does yell the key change every time it comes on.

season 2 - speak now/lover

elizabeth!!!!! liz is the type of person who only liked old taylor and then got internalised misogyny and then got over it and loves taylor again. the story of us is canonically a liz/rori song…. yes i am still a liz/rori subtext warrior….. liz is very never grow up and dear john is a very her and james song in the fact that they both relate to it……. when they bonded over their trauma “don’t you think i was too young”...... also lover is a liz season 2 album because it’s about liz learning that love is the most important thing in the world….. liz voice i want to be defined by the things that i love. also the archer is just a skam brighton song because it is an isaac song. also i’m just gonna say it. i like me! it’s a good song when brendon urie isn’t in it, you all are just afraid of having fun. also though liz in season 5 is very better than revenge because, while her season is about unlearning your internalised prejudices, i believe she deserves to be misogynistic for 3 minutes 37 seconds.

season 3 - red

now this is controversial. this season is about depression, grief and anger, and these feelings are red. literally jake voice so you were never a saint and i loved in shades of wrong we learn to live with the pain mosaic broken hearts….. like treacherous….. holy ground….. the whole country pop vibe….. the bitchy songs mocking people’s perceptions of the singer….. 22 is a lad squad song…. also jake voice i remember it all too well but it’s about his father’s abuse and his mother’s neglect…… like the whole season is just jake getting to the point where he is at “begin again”. also i feel like jake would like red because he spent a lot of time watching taylor swift music videos as a youth both because he liked the music and had crushes on the guys in them, and he feels red is the perfect middle between the country and the pop and the indie and he just really likes being sad.

season 4 - reputation

bree big reputation holland!!!!!!!!! she has it all - the romantic drama, the hatred of men, the fucking homoeroticism. bree stans the reputation tour and they have made the entire holland-fletcher family watch it on their netflix (al fucking loved it because he’s a canon swiftie, audrey had a fun time, patrick was a little confused, but has the spirit). listen bree “i did something bad”. bree “look what you made me do”. bree and rori “new year’s day”. bree voice i swear i don’t love the drama, it loves me!!!!!!!!! like the reason the season has a lot of reputation songs and ends with daylight from lover is a metaphor for bree leaving their reputation era…. also reputation has she/they vibes

season 5 - 1989

1989 my best friend 1989!!!!!!! i am coming out here as a 1989 (deluxe) stan. it’s just a serotonin album for me and it is just so nick. the mocking songs about their reputation…… the genuinely deeply depressing homoerotic songs that have fun upbeat music…… the cars….. also clean is just such a nick song. he is in recovery, he is just so personal to me. also nick voice one night he wakes strange look on his face pauses then says you’re my best friend and you knew what it was he is in love!!!!!!! nick canonically in love with all of their best friends braxton!!!!! also nick feels like a 1989 stan because they just have those fun energies. nick WILL scream the spoken part of shake it off at the top of his lungs. also new romantic is just a skamverse song in general. also just. out of the woods. no reason for me to say it other than it’s one of my favourite songs of all time.

season 6 - folklore/evermore

no evermore is not out yet. yes i am claiming it for season 6. see taylor has said that these albums are all about telling stories/fairy tales and that’s what season 6 is about. i cannot wait until next friday when the main and my plans for the hiatus are revealed…….. genuinely i do not know how anyone perceives skam brighton so i don’t know who people think the next main is, but…… i can only describe the state of me writing this season as the various ambiguous disorder gifs.

#skam brighton #skam brighton spoilers #what's up i've been a swiftie since i was 3 fucking years old and i will be loud about it!!!!!!!!#also i do love my funny little people i play with in my head (the skambr main squad) they are my dearest friends i would do anything for the #them

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probablydaydreamingg · 5 years ago

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11 questions asked and answered (SKAM edition)

Thank’s for tagging me @ciaoragno and for coming up with this idea ;) I’ll try to ask good questions but it’s not my forte haha.

1. Always repost the rules!

2. Answer the questions given to you by the one who tagged you!

3. Give 11 questions!

4. Tag 11 people!

Questions answered:

1. You’re trying to convince a friend to watch skam, what’s your opening line?

“It’s the most realistic and enjoyable tv show about teens for teens, but not only. It touches upon important topics like sexuality, mental illness, sexual assault, religion... The way they integrate those topics without making it a pretext for drama, as well as the innovative format of the series make it near revolutionnary.”

2. Follow up: your friend is still unimpressed, which scene do you show them?

Ahhh... I have to say one from OG as it’s the start of everything so, probably the first scene of episode 5 season 3 as it’s the one that got me into Skam :) It remains one my fave scenes ever in the Skam universe (the tenderness uwu).

3. For those who don’t have remakes in their country, what “opening speech/essay” theme would you wanna hear if you were to have one? / for those who do, did you relate at all to the theme they chose to talk about?

Well ahah, Skam France... I can’t even remember what the opening speech was about honestly ! Probably very similar to OG as season 1 (and 2) is basically a copy paste of OG writting wise. So.. not memorable to say the least.

4. Which character would you wanna be stuck in an island with?

Interesting question ! Hmmm... I want to say Nico !! I just love him sm, and I feel like he would have a lot of insightful / philosophical thoughts about being stuck in an island (probably citing one of his favorite poems from time to time, and drawing with whatever he can find), and also I feel like he’s resourceful which is a must for surviving in the wild lol. I'd gladly listen to him babbling about the things he enjoys for hours (98% of it being Marti). I'm afraid he wouldn't like the idea so much though, reminding him of the last men on earth and all.

5. Set you wanna visit?

I would have said OG but I’ve kinda already visited some of the shooting locations since I lived in Oslo for 6 months (before I knew of Skam though). I didn’t see the school, but it doesn’t interesting me that much. So I’ll say Skam Italia !! as it’s my fave remake and I can’t stop thinking of visiting Rome asap! Skamit has some of the best shots ever and is very intelligent with the way they incorporate landmarks. There’s a viewpoint over Rome that they used in season 2 episode 3, first clip (I believe), which I’d love to go to, the streetview on San Pietro but that’s a given, the empty pool from season 1, Martino’s neighborhood / the tags shown in season 1, the spot where incantava have their argument in s3, and obviously.... Bracciano !!!!! ... and Milan !!! (all the spots from Tu Non Sei di Milano).. urghh so many I’m sorry lol.

6. You’re hosting an exclusive dinner party, which 15 characters from across all remakes and og will you invite?

Ooofff that’s a tough one !! i'll try to include at least one character per show (apart from wtfock because I never watched it). So: Isak, Even, OG Sana, Eskild, Martino, Niccolò, Italian Eva, Gio, David, Mia, Isa, Janna (NL), Imane (fr), Joana, Shay.

Damn that was hard ! My original list had at least 5 more people. I'm sorry you didn't make the official list, we'll let you in through the back door ;)

7. What/who was the scene/line/character that made you actually want to watch the whole series?

I already mentioned it, but it was the first clip of episode 5 season 3 of the OG (like many people). I saw gifs here on tumblr and binge watched the series in a couple of days ! As for remakes well, I thought I'd give it a chance and became obsessed (story of my life).

8. Which two remakes would you wanna see do a crossover?

Hmm all of them ?? I'd say Skamnl and Druck because I feel like the characters would get along well. Or Skamit and Skamnl but I feel like it would clash a bit haha.

9. One character you wanna hug?

All of them really, well except for Willhells and pChris who I don't like. If I have to choose ONE, Niccolò once again hihi. I LOVE him you don't understand. And I feel like he gives really warm, soft hugs, because he's so soft himself 😪💕.

10. Most iconic line?

isak's speech from the end of S3 (life is now), and it's rendition in Skamit (sono io). Also special mention to the speech at the end of OG season 4 (i'm emotional just thinking about it), and the family speech from Eleonora / Edoardo in Skamit season 3. Also the davenzi reunion scene has some major iconic lines that made me cry like "stop acting like you're a vampire" (I don't remember exactly). Damnit i'm so bad at this game sorry.

11. What’s one advice you wanna give your favorite character?

Again if I have to choose only one, Niccolò ! I'd give him an advice inspired by Rocco's latest IG caption (his captions are out of this world wtf) about frailty / vulnerability, to say that being sensitive, vulnerable, is not a curse but a gift, it can sometimes be your biggest strength. Because, if on some days it makes you feel weak and incapable of acting, it's also what drives you to step up and "fight" for the things you care the most about. So my advice is for him to not be too harsh on himself, and cherish his vulnerability because it's a quality.

My questions:

If we could have a season set in university, which remake would you want to do it?

If you could steal one object / piece of clothing from og and remakes, what would it be?

Name two characters across the Skam universe that you feel would get along well.

Favorite musical moment in OG and remakes (one scene that features music)

Among OG and remakes, which show made you fall in love with the country / city it's set in the most ? Alternatively, which one made you discover the most about a country and its culture ?

One character you'd want to be best friends with.

Do you think you'll show og and remakes to your children 😅, if so in what order?

Do you consider Skam to be your "little secret", a world you're able to freely be yourself in without real world interference, or you do openly talk / watch it with family and friends ?

If you could watch only one episode from og and remakes for the rest of your life, which one would it be?

Is there a character you didn't like in og and ended up liking in one or several remakes ?

If you could write your own Skam season, on which character would it be centered and on what topic ?

I'm tagging @ciaoragno @free-as-abird @happystrawberry1998 @lovely-things3 @pvnkiwi @isakvaltrsen @that-damn-french-kid @matteoluigiflorenzi @nochoicebuttostan @soon--soon @nerdiepandas and anyone else who wants to do it! ✨

#it was hard but fun #skam #skam italia #skam france #druck #skam espãna #skam austin #skamnl #11 questions game #skam game #tag game #skam remakes

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scarlettlawyer · 5 years ago

Text

Part 9 of my reaction/commentary to the Phantoms & Mirages fanfic series by @renegadewangs

(Chasing Phantoms): Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

(Haunted Specters): Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

(Vanquishing Mirages): Part 7 | Part 8

Welp. This is gonna be very painful for me on sooo many levels.

Hooo I kinda feel like I’m playing directly with fire in this post.

Now, it’s worth calling attention to the fact that these reaction/commentary posts are, first and foremost, built on my reactions to the source material. They are recounting the journey I, personally, went through as I read this series – that’s why I focus so much on my feelings and what I thought. There is more objective analysis at times, but it’s not the primary focus. Just in case you’re wondering why I’m focusing on myself so much and might get a little “omg can u shut up about urself and just get back to the story already???” pff. (And besides, more objective analysis is always inevitably filtered through the individual’s thoughts/mindset/perspective/preferences/etc anyway. So I’m basically just not even trying to tune any of that stuff out, as one would inevitably have to for a more proper series of reviews.) Ah… I hope reading in such depth about my personal rollercoaster journey is at least somewhat interesting. And not too boring.

…Yes, at the very least, I hope this post makes for a SOMEWHAT entertaining read.

That was part of my goal. Other than honesty to the point of self-sabotage.

Vanquishing Mirages, Chapter 18

There’s a whole bunch of small things I could comment on in this chapter but I’m going to gloss over them instead. I… can’t bring myself to dwell too much on the “side-things” in this post, really.

So. The image of the phantom, sitting with his head in his hands as Bobby and Palaeno dote over him while the phantom just irritably tries to wave them off is just, everything to me. xDDDD One of my faaaaavourite things. And then the phantom just leaping to his feet like that… The entire scene I could just go on and on about it at length… But I won’t. xDDDD The best game of “how much of an uncomfortable situation and awkwardness can we possibly apply to our dear spy – having other characters dote to the point of it being outright patronising – and how will this near-emotionless man respond to such outside forces?”

Okay actually, I will ramble just a Little. “Bobby and phantom = mother and child” is one of my favourite dynamics in this whole series. Bobby in this scene is just No. 1 Mum and it’s aaaall of my yes. So the phantom is forced to play the role of the child once more at this point in the chapter. The reality is that he’s a convicted criminal and therefore cannot be trusted on his own, hence requiring a bathroom escort. But he might as well be a helpless little child who requires adult supervision, as is the norm with children – this is the other amusing lens through which you can joke about Blackquill needing to lead the way there for him.

With that, Simon turned and led the way towards the door. The Phantom followed, as obedient as could be, and Fulbright looked like he was about to do the same.

The “as obedient as could be” gets me every damn time, ahahaha. Because it really feels to slot him firmly into that “child” role. Being a good little child. For now. His major modes seem to be “obedient child” (e.g. “Sam Specter” doing the dishes in Haunted Specters if you wanted to push it) and of course the classic “petulant child”.

“Am I still meant to thank you for saving my life?” “Would it have even the slightest shred of sincerity to it?” Simon questioned. “Of course not.” “Then, no.”

THIS IS RIGHT UP THERE WITH SOME OF MY FAVOURITE PHANTOM EXCHANGES IN THIS SERIES.

“A fool, but not worthy of the title Fool Bright. Isn’t that right?” The Phantom managed some sort of failed echo of a smile. A smile that wouldn’t convince anyone who saw it. The words struck Simon as odd. Before the Phantom regained his memories, he would choose Fulbright’s side and use an almost defensive attitude to protect the man. Now that the lost year had returned to him, things seemed different.

Just. Shoot me. Please.

So I guess. Maybe he’s still trying to determine if Simon might be hurt the same way he’s sure Bobby will be?? I guess??? Perhaps… his words aren’t so much about how the name “Fool Bright” impacts him personally, but from his perspective… Simon calling him “Fool Bright” could imply that capacity for him to get deeply hurt by the phantom’s death, that Simon might also have some kind of attachment to him like Bobby does but is less obvious about it, and the phantom obviously doesn’t want that. So I guess his goal here… is possibly trying to determine if Simon has any sentimentality towards him that also needs to be stomped out for Simon’s own sake??

“You need to watch your tongue, Phantom. One might almost accuse you of being jealous.”

Me: um dude did he just. Go there? Did Simon really just- nah that can’t be right, I’m just reading things into his words that aren’t there you know-

“Your relationship? You believe I hold romantic or even sexual interest in you?”

Me: OH. OH OKAY. SO I GUESS WE’RE JUST? I GUESS SIMON REALLY WENT THERE HUH AND THE BOTH OF THEM ARE JUST NOT SHYING AWAY FROM THIS TOPIC OF CONVERSATION. THEY’RE JUST MEETING THIS TOPIC HEAD-ON. WELL. OKAY THEN!

The sheer level of whiplash that this turn in their conversation had on me- I had literally only just been joking with my friend about the parent-child dynamics present among the trio from EARLIER ON IN THE SAME CHAPTER as I’d been reading through it.

The scene just. Ends on that line. Wild enough on its own.

And then it. Bobby. The next scene. H. And then the ffffffffffffff

Chapter end.

Me:

“DOES ANYBODY WANNA TELL ME WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED???????”

And on that absolutely wild note, Vanquishing Mirages draws to a firm close. It was a little bit strange that this scene never gets revisited or expanded upon moving forward, but that’s no matter. I’m sure it was an innocent writing oversight. At least this fic managed to go out with a huge bang! Turns out that thanks to Simon, the phantom had been saddled with unnecessary feelings! Hahaha, what do you know! Sooo, that about wraps it up for me and my reaction/commentary/review for this post folks, I wish anyone reading this all the best! So next up, we have Lifting Spirits! Going into Lifting Spirits, the title already has a positive touch to it, and well, we’ll just have to see what else it has in store. Cya!

Ah… I guess this post is a little short to just leave it at that then, isn’t it? Very well. Continuing on with the very next chapter that happens immediately after this one, as we begin the new fic:

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 1

He was just watching a documentary on the Tasmanian masked owl when the doorbell rang.

Hahaha omg that is such a Simon thing to do

A bit irksome, but then again, he was fairly sure he’d already seen this footage before.

Dfkjsfjksdf BIG NERD. BIRD NERD.

THE WHIPPED CREAM AND CHOCOLATE SAUCE COMMENT FROM BOBBY djdjnk GOODNESS ME. I wonder if we’ll get any further allusions to what his relationship with Domestique was, ahem, possibly like in future!

And there’s also th

OKAY FINE.

[sigh] FIIIIINE.

Finishing the Chapter 18 review then.

Well my first incredulous reaction was something like, “Are you… serious. Did we not just spend like… Two entire fics playing around with the notion that “Blackquill is Basically the phantom’s dad”???? And then you turn around and do this? HOW IS THE READER SUPPOSED TO FEEL ABOUT THIS? NARRATIVE CAN YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIIIIND? ARE YA REALLY GONNA MAKE A PLAY AT THIS AFTER ALL THE PARENTAL DYNAMICS THAT WERE INTRODUCED?

It’s… Oh my god.

But then again.

It wasn’t like these themes hadn’t been introduced before. The first fic in the series felt so far away, out of reach, and from so long ago (and I’ve already gone over how separated it felt from the rest of the story on first readthrough so I needn’t do so again)… But I had some vague recollections you know. The main thing that stood out to me was Blackquill’s confrontation with the phantom before the phantom allowed himself to fall from the apartment window. Where Blackquill basically Trump Cards the phantom with “Ha! You’re totally into me!” and the phantom went “oh god you’re right” and was soooo ruined over the idea that he was apparently ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE that he was like whew! Think I’ll be taking my leave now and never seeing or needing to speak to you or anyone else again, so great is my mortification! And then he went BYE BYE out the window, the end. That’s Totally what happened, right? And even if that’s not exactly how the scene went, I knew, for some reason(s) that I couldn’t quite remember at the time, that the phantom having a Thing for Simon during the first fic was indisputable. (WE WILL GET TO THAT).

And the thing that’s been preventing this being brought up this entire time? The memory loss. And what’s no longer an issue? The memory loss. It was paaaaainfully obvious that things were different once the phantom regained those memories. The entire parental dynamic wherein the phantom was positioned as being Simon’s son was all set up purely in Haunted Specters, during the memory loss phase. But if I looked at it this way, I took it as “fact” that phantom was into Simon in some way or another prior to the memory loss. All of the weird parental projection stuff seemed to only come after that, while the memories of the missing year were gone. And IF THOSE MEMORIES HAD NOW RETURNED… It makes sense that……………………………

There would be some kind of reversion back to…………

So could this fic compartmentalise it like that, then? And we are to leap from the parental realm now that the memories are returned, and straight into… this? Hmm. But this alone was not enough. There were a couple of other things, too.

See, I’ve already alluded to/essentially stated this previously, but… That scene just before the phantom allows himself to fall from the window? On first readthrough, at the time, I didn’t even particularly like it or truly appreciate it. And then, we come full circle, back to when I had all my pesky little “doubts” about how the phantom’s character was handled in the first fic, finally catching up to me for my full re-evaluation.

I hadn’t really bought the one-sided phantomquill during fic 1. It was one of those doubts from back then. It just hadn’t stuck at the time.

Would it stick now?

Let’s talk a bit about phantomquill.

Well, phantomquill has never been my primary focus. My primary focus has always been the phantom (in Dual Destinies content, anyway). If given the choice, I’d prefer to just have content that has the phantom in it. Not really phantomquill stuff, although phantomquill can certainly be interesting to think about, it was never really a priority or a preference for me.

Except… Almost all phantom-focused content usually seems to be inherently phantomquill in nature. Which is fine! It would be nice to just have some neutral phantom stuff, but it looked like phantomquill was the default. The prerequisite, almost, if someone was gonna have a focus on the phantom in their story. And I didn’t mind. But I’d probably equally enjoy said stories regardless of whether the phantomquill was there or not.

So I guess I’m always kinda inclined to just shrug and go “I GUESS?” when phantomquill comes along. But I had, however, become waaay more fond of phantomquill over the years. It still wasn’t much of a preference but I’d certainly gained an appreciation for it and quite enjoyed thinking about it at times.

And obviously, obviously, from how the last two scenes are set-up – the suspiciously sudden jumpcut between them, I knew there had to be more to what was going on. I knew there probably had to be missing lines that got exchanged that the audience hadn’t seen yet, leading up to/into what Bobby walks in on.

But regardless of what those lines were… The outcome would be the same, wouldn’t it? So what difference could the conversation’s direction possibly make? Things, in one way or another, from how their conversation continues, must have gotten out of h- well. Spiralled into what Bobby sees the phantom doing!!

And I was also amused because HMM… THIS WHOLE SCENARIO… WHEREIN A BLOND PHANTOM… KISSES SIMON, COMMITTING A TERRIBLE MISTAKE IN THE PROCESS OF DOING SO… ALMOST SEEMS FAMILIAR, SOMEHOW.

But actually, there’s really no harm in that. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with fanfics containing similar scenarios playing out with their own differences added into the mix. It’s FUN and EXCITING to see different authors handle somewhat similar situations in their own ways. If anything, it should be encouraged.

So could I really accept this scene playing out in THIS fic in all its terrific absurdity? One of the important questions for that was, did it feel “earned” in any way?

I found myself thinking back to previous Vanquishing Mirages chapters, as covered in the last post. About how, back then, I was thinking how this was “peak phantomquill” and how if there’s any way phantomquill should be, it was this. Even back then, I inadvertently found myself glancing at the fic’s tags. “No phantomquill tag? No phantomquill tag? Huh… well okay then. I guess the author doesn’t think it’s phantomquill if it’s not “romantic” in nature and/or only remains subtext. That’s fair enough.” To look at those scenes… To think back to the first fic… And look at it all through a phantomquill lens…… It did feel kinda earned to me.

And you even warned me, in your own way. “Originally planned to have one-sided phantomquill.” ORIGINALLY. That’s essentially what you told me, isn’t it? Aaaand that confused me for the longest time. Honestly. I read through Chasing Phantoms like “???? “Originally” how? This one-sided phantomquill is uh, PRETTY SOLIDLY CANON IMO.” I just figured you meant “one-sided phantomquill that wasn’t just subtext” or “way more obvious”. Figured that in your opinion, if it only ever remained subtext yet still clearly there, well it wasn’t proper phantomquill then was it?

And then when I read this chapter, I was just like… (AND EVEN MESSAGED MY FRIEND BASICALLY SAYING THIS):

“THIS FIC ISN’T EVEN TAGGED AS PHANTOMQUILL W H A T”

(HOOTY HOOO PAST ME THERE’S A REASON FOR THAT).

But it just made me think, “Oh, well. I guess the only reason the author would tag something as “phantomquill” ever is if the pairing becomes canon then? Which it obviously never will here. Therefore there’s no tag for it.”

Now, I’d like to draw your attention to something I wrote in a recent reply of mine to you:

“Not to mention that I loved the courtroom jokes bit so much that, once I decided to let myself enjoy it and accept it, my Willing Suspension of Disbelief was strengthened tenfold and was ready to take just about anything you would throw at it. (And you sure were ready to throw stuff at me and had more up your sleeve!). I gave the story even more leeway to work with willingly, because everything was so perfect and I wanted my suspension of disbelief to have plenty of leeway to fully enjoy EVERYTHING. NO MORE INNER KILLJOY. I knew I could trust in the narrative because it was so strong.”

I guess this was a huge part of my downfall.

I looked at this set-up the chapter left us with – one-sided, inevitably angsty phantomquill, thought back on everything and what it came down to was… couldn’t I just accept it, just like I’d accepted things like the joke-telling? Did I want to? Did I enjoy this scenario?

…Yeah. Yeah, I realised with a bit of surprise that I did. I REALLY, REALLY DID, ACTUALLY. And I wanted to accept it. My inner killjoy was cast aside. It was tiiiime to just enjoy this perfect “angst” or whatever youd call it.

It didn’t matter how ridiculous it may be. When it comes to fanfiction… the sky tends to be the limit. It’s precisely where you can see little fantasies like this one played out. It’s… It’s… If there’s any place this kind of scenario could happen, for sure. This was it. The best thing to do is just… enjoy it for what it is.

Almost everything had primed me to thinking that… This was indisputable one-sided phantomquill, was it not? And if just about every phantom-heavy fic out there seems to have some phantomquill in it, it’s only natural that this one would too, right? There was nothing driving me to question it. And accepting it just made me ridiculously happy and excited. Yeah, it’s “angsty” and one-sided, but it made me so dang happy nonetheless.

And if this wasn’t bad enough.

I went on to make a number of other mistakes that proved to be very, very fatal.

I read this chapter after midnight. And it was sooo much to process, and I wanted to be fully awake to process whatever was coming next… And it was just way too late at night. I figured, I wouldn’t be able to handle whatever was coming next… I needed to sleep. I needed to… save it for tomorrow. And it was too late to read another chapter anyway.

…Oh, if only I had read on… I could have spared myself so much. If I had just gone straight from this chapter into the next one… I would’ve been mostly fine. Nothing would have truly had a chance to sink in and my misconception would have been quickly cleared up. I would’ve been pretty much fine, I’m sure. I would have likely suspended judgement and saved myself…

It really is the kiss itself that was the killing blow, too. If the chapter had only, if it had only ended at the phantom’s last line, and Bobby’s segment saved for the next chapter, I would have EASILY maintained plausible deniability and would have been spared. Even when Blackquill and phantom’s conversation turned in that direction, I had NOT made ANY concrete assumptions.

But what actually happened was.

I turned my computer off,

And went to sleep.

And ohhhhhh boy.

I was very excited to find out how the narrative would continue in the next chapter. Especially how the prose of the text itself would approach it. Naturally, there was going to be immediate fallout.

But the narrative patterns of this series so far also fooled me. One thing was clear: the audience was to find out what happened during the jumpcut from Blackquill’s to Bobby’s POV in the next chapter.

And WHOSE perspective is missing, that is normally left until last? Was it not evident…?

So it seems like my mind couldn’t help brainstorming, and seems my dreams were like, “Oh, what if the prose was like this, starting with this sentence, and then…”

Haah.

So you see, when I woke up the next morning, I had these lines of prose fresh in my mind! And I really liked them, actually! I couldn’t let them go to waste! I had to write them down…!

Yep. It’s terribly embarrassing to admit. But I wrote my own little snippet of a sequel before reading the next chapter. “I can compare, see how the next chapter actually goes…!” I thought to myself naively.

Which brings us to…

Vanquishing Mirages, Chapter 19

Finally, I eagerly open the next chapter to read and it was just…

I don’t think I’ve ever been more thoroughly played by a piece of fiction in my entire life.

There was that time I was reading a book and one of the beloved characters that I was deeply attached to was very clearly dying. Their death had been one of the possibilities I had been DREADING even before starting the book. It’s a little bit hard to stay alive when there’s a sword lodged in you like that, you know? Their consciousness was slipping away by the moment. I couldn’t read on through my tears. I had to pause reading and pull myself together to push on.

…And when I did? The character suddenly, recovered on the next page. And was fine. Because here’s the thing: said character was a zombie. But like, a weird kind of “alive” zombie which could still die I guess. Had the sword remained firmly lodged in him, chances are he would have actually died. But another character – devastated over this character’s impending death, 100% sure it was about to happen, pulled the sword out. And then, what do you know? The character sat up again and was like “lol wait I’m actually feeling a lot better now lol… well I guess that’s being a zombie for you huh.”

Hah. Well. That’s one example that comes to mind and at least, in this case… the bait and switch was actually going from one thing I desperately didn’t want – to something I actually desperately wanted. For the character to live, or “live” as a perfectly conscious zombie.

There is another example that comes to mind, a little bit closer to home, which involves… ship baiting.

I like to think that it is very hard to make me fall for ship baiting. Sure, I ship things that aren’t canon in media. And I do so with the full knowledge that they aren’t canon and will most likely never be canon. I keep those two realms nice and separate and therefore my feelings never get hurt. I never get too invested to the point of becoming upset… And I can tell, usually, what is sheer shipbaiting and what constitutes actual, canon evidence.

So there was one piece of media I was into, where two male characters were shipped with each other from the very start by the fandom, even before they ever interacted with each other. Then they actually started interacting and their dynamic was awesome, they cared for and were looking out for each other. So the shipping of the two characters only heightened dramatically in the fandom, naturally. Now, everyone was getting invested, but I looked at these two characters and went… “yeah, sure, I would love to see them get together, so I ship it.” But I figured, you know, it was never gonna actually happen, so I didn’t get too invested. I thought, yeah… the writers are deeefinitely throwing in some intentional bait with those two that they will never actually follow through on. So I didn’t get invested.

But then something happened that changed everything for me… One of those two characters got 100% confirmed, beyond a shadow of any doubt, to be canonically in love with the other, in the media itself, undeniably. I always usually look for plausible deniability to cover my bases. That’s what ship baiting relies on. But there was no way around the concrete fact that this character was in love with the other.

And in that piece of media, there was no canon reason, absolutely none, why those two characters couldn’t get together. And if Character A’s canonically in love with Character B… there were MOUNTAINS of evidence that Character B felt the same way. If anything, if I had to take a blind guess at who was in love with who, I would have figured it was Character B way more than Character A.

Well, the writers messed up and stuffed around and played with its audience. They wanted to keep baiting this ship, they introduced very transparent & pointless roadblocks as to why they couldn’t be together only after the fact of one of the character’s feelings revealed, and yeah, turns out the other character doesn’t feel the same way back. They employed just plain bad writing to introduce pointless drama and turned the previously inseparable pair against each other.

Nooow that hurt a lot because I was shipping something that, for all intents and purposes canonically speaking, could've been on the verge of becoming a reality. Before the writers decided to add unnecessary complications and reveal that the other character never felt that way. I got really invested and it turned out to be blatant baiting and, yeah.

Well the example in your fic is obviously very different from that one on a number of fronts. The example just provided was baiting the ship becoming canon. The example in your series is merely baiting the notion that a character had a specific type of feeling(s) for another. In some ways that made it all the more crushing.

Suffice it to say, I felt like the BIGGEST, STUPIDEST idiot EVER when I read the next chapter. I still do. The pain never truly went away sdklsd;madl;dfkj

Well, let’s start on the chapter itself, shall we?

With the chapter summary:

The Phantom’s crazy way of thinking turns the situation into a bit of a soap opera. How does he really feel about Simon Blackquill, as far as feeling goes with him?

Stupid, stupid me, leaning into a microphone: um. Do you even have to ask. This chapter summary alone was one of my favourite things in the world… before reading on.

”My actions were Bobby Fulbright’s actions, not a reflection of my own desires.”

Okay so. I had not actually remembered this line until this second readthrough, and I absolutely have to call bull on this. We know that prior to the phantom stealing Bobby’s life, Bobby never acted on his sexuality. FURTHERMORE, EVEN IF HE HAD, I’m calling bull once AGAIN and am gonna say that the real Bobby Fulbright would never have abused his role as parole officer to cross a line that should not have been crossed WITH A PRISONER THAT HE IS PERSONALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR. Unavoidable power balance. The Bobby I know would not, end of story. Even if the real Bobby was attracted to Simon. He wouldn’t have acted on it if he was Simon’s parole officer. AND THIS ENTIRE SPIEL IS MOOT ANYWAY BECAUSE THE PHANTOM WOULD HAVE NO WAY TO TELL WHO BOBBY WOULD BE ATTRACTED TO AND I SOMEHOW DOUBT HE GETS THAT INVESTED IN HIS ROLES TO FOLLOW THROUGH TO THIS EXTENT. I guess what it comes down to is how he later basically says “seeking acknowledgement is one thing, seeking a relationship is entirely another”. So part of the driving force was the seeking acknowledgement…? BUT IN A WEIRD NON-PHANTOMQUILL WAY…? And there’s also the fact that the identity of “Bobby Fulbright” and the nameless spy known as the phantom were blurring together. But IF the identity blurring actually played a role, that would make it phantomquill, so I kind of doubt that’s part of the explanation.

And like, sure, I get it. Pretty sure “Bobby Fulbright” behaved that way immediately after Simon mentioned “the phantom” to him. So his goal was to manipulate Simon, a little bit of that “seeking acknowledgement” in there too (BUT NOT ACTUAL PHANTOMQUILL-STYLE “SEEKING ACKNOWLEDGEMENT” APPARENTLY????) and who knows. Maybe he was searching for the damn profile. Maybe he thought it might be hidden in Simon’s clothes. WHO KNOWS. But like, I get it, it was “not a reflection of his own desires”, APPARENTLY.

fffffffffffffff

”I am what one might call aromantic and asexual,”

So as a quick aside, worth noting that on the first readthrough… Like… I knew the kiss was still coming so at the start when he’s saying this stuff, it felt more like him denying it, only for ya know… the kiss to happen and all. It was only after it fully played out that I came back to this line all like “Oh my god… he was right… he wasn’t kidding…” BUT WE’LL GET TO THERE. WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY THOUGH-

My goodness. Reading this sent me into another realm. It just like? Astral projected me to some other planet because heLLOOOO I WOULD LIKE TO DISSECT THIS A LITTLE BIT:

Firstly, the word “asexual”? Okay, that’s commonly used outside of the context of people being ace. So it would not be too surprising for him to say something about being asexual because, that’s already a commonly-used English word, even if that “common definition” (see: plants and whatever) is not the definition he is using here, he could easily use this word in this context without knowing that plenty of people actually do use it in this context as a label for themselves.

BUT “AROMANTIC” … NOW THAT’S INTERESTING. “Aromantic” is a very specific word with a specific definition! It is not a commonly-known English word in day-to-day life among the average person and it is not used outside of people using it as a label to identify themselves with!

ALL OF THIS TO SAY… FOR HIM TO USE BOTH WORDS? IMPLIES HE KNOWS HIS STUFF.

IF the phantom had been randomly pulling out the word “asexual” because it would be “obvious what it means in this context” without knowing that asexuality is A Fairly Common Thing, he would have just called himself asexual and nothing else. Because for people who aren’t particularly knowledgeable on the subject, they often conflate asexuality and aromanticism together!

With that being said, there is still the possibility that he isn’t aware of the communities that have been formed around those labels. That he was doing a simple equation here and putting “a-“ in front of “sexuality” and “romantic” to demonstrate that he’s “none” in both.

BUT I’M STILL INCLINED TO SAY THAT THE FACT THAT HE SPECIFICALLY SAYS “AROMANTIC” MEANS HE’S KINDA KNOWLEDGEABLE ABT IT…

And I just CANNOT get over this and the implications attached to it. The phantom knows about asexuality and aromanticism and self-identifies as aroace? THE PHANTOM KNOWS ABOUT THE SPLIT ATTRACTION MODEL? DSDFKLMLKDF;LDSL;-

Ohhh my god.

And yes, in this year 2019 these terms and communities are becoming more and more widespread, but they’re still not particularly mainstream. I know also that this fic is set in 2028, but… I’m more primed to think about when this fic was written – a few years back – when these terms and communities would have been a little bit more obscure. That’s the primary background I think of RE: the phantom actually knowing this stuff.

Also, hah, it’s so many layers because WOW… Talk about absolutely awful aroace representation in a sense right here. You get this character in your canon calling themselves aroace and they’re… the despicable, emotionless murderer & VILLAIN. Feels like it falls directly into the “bad representation” trap, HOWEVER. I do feel that the situation is much more nuanced in this case.

Like yeah, he might be an emotionless murderer, and on the surface that looks bad, BUT! He’s also a major protagonist that we have come to sympathise with at times and feel bad for… The story has followed and focused on him so much. It has shown him in so many different lights, somehow managing to make him such an extremely well-rounded character with depth. Therefore, at least to me… It doesn’t necessarily feel like bad representation at all. He’s not limited to being the bad guy. He’s so much more than that. This is nothing but another aspect to his character. And being aroace is not necessarily directly linked to his villainy. So much about him has been broken down and deconstructed. So somehow… by some miracle… In the context of this fic, the fact that the emotionless murderer is aroace could almost circle back around into being almost good representation, amazingly enough. Or… well, that’s the thing. Whether it’s “good” or “bad” representation most likely ultimately isn’t your primary concern anyway. Neither is “representation”, for that matter. What matters is a good story with good characters that make sense. So there may be no point talking about the representation angle anyway: it’s not necessarily “representation”. It’s just a character with a certain identity that happens to neutrally exist in the plot, whoever that character may be and whatever that character may happen to be.

And I also have happened to see you mention that you yourself are ace!

But I’m merely analysing the text as I would with any piece of fiction – and will continue to do so. Being aware that you’re ace yourself gives me a little bit more perspective on things, but I wouldn’t have necessarily been aware of that in different circumstances and therefore wish to look at the text as its own entity and how it comes across to me as the reader.

As for the rest of what he says…

Ohhh geez. Now it’s time to talk about something else. Another little fatal mistake I made in my approach to reading this series. We must once again return ourselves to when I read Chasing Phantoms.

Now I myself am asexual, of the repulsed kind… xD

So when I came across That phantomquill scene in Chasing Phantoms, my response was basically just, “oh GEEZ that is NOT a mental image I want thankyouverymuch nope nope nope nope.” And just – kept reading on and did my best to forget about that scene. Juuust bury it away and not think about it. :P Ignore it! Pretend it didn’t happen. And this alone created some “distance” between myself and the narrative at the time, that my instinct already was to reject something connected back to that version of the phantom.

Looks like I did a little too good of a job forgetting about it. And with it out of mind, well, I’d become sooo heavily entrenched in the series by this point and really was clinging to everything that was canon.

I read this chapter and it was just like… oh dear. Oh DEAR. That was a thing. That happened in this series!!!

It was just SHOVED in my face undeniably in this chapter, as if I could not have possibly received a nastier slap in the face with the reminder of that incident’s existence. xDDDD

My distance when reading Chasing Phantoms had just come back to bite me in the biggest way… I’d gotten so heavily attached to the canon of this series by this point. But I’d conveniently forgotten the canon that I didn’t want to acknowledge, and hadn’t fully acknowledged back then. Suddenly! I was well and truly being forced to acknowledge EVERYTHING! Ahaha.

The spy pushed away from the sink to take a few steps towards Simon. The look on his face was harder than it’d ever been before. The closest thing to fierce determination the man could muster, perhaps.

THIS must be when he gets the STUPID idea to, I DON’T KNOW, SHIPBAIT ME INTO OBLIVION? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

There was nothing heartfelt or affectionate about it.

NOTHING????? NOTHING?????????

“Awww… Busted.” The Phantom ran a hand past his mouth, but he was still grinning. It was a grin that Simon remembered from those first visits to solitary confinement. A grin that’d been coupled with purposeful jabs below the belt. “Isn’t that a damn shame?”

In spite of everything…………. I love this line. I just love the “aw busted” it’s sdjdfnkljdlnk I LOVE IT. HE IS THE WORRRRRRRST.

“Don’t be like that. I was only attempting to relive that pleasant night we had last year before it’s too late.”

Me: OH MY GOD SOMEONE SHUT HIM UP SOMEONE SHUT HIM UP RIGHT NOW I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ANY OF THIS SHUT IT DOWN.

Phantom: [opens mouth to speak]

Me:

Oh I can’t. I cannot.

Me: “I am BEGGING you to shut up. For once in your miserable life, in your whole pathetic existence… SHUT UP.”

This narrative had given me so much Suffering & Sympathetic Phantom and a whole manner of like… “Nice” Phantom and this is just…………… W O W. The narrative primed me so much on things like Sympathetic Phantom and “hahahaaaa he’s a child just look at him!” and this is just like! A harsh, merciless jolt! -OH ONE LIKE HE’S ABOUT TO RECEIVE ACTUALLY, WASN’T THINKING OF THAT WHEN I TYPED THAT BUT HAHAA…

BUT HIM SAYING THESE THINGS HAD SUCH ENTERTAINING SHOCK VALUE TOO. THE FLIPPANCY!

The Phantom stirred and pushed himself into a sitting position. He was still trembling, though at the very least that detestable grin had been washed off his face. “You’re welcome.”

Goooo to hell. Go to hell.

He briefly considered retrieving his feather from the ground as well, then thought better of himself. Five second rule aside, the fact that it was lying on the bathroom floor of a hospital instantly rendered it trash for the janitors to do away with.

SDKJBSDKJB SIMON.

“Understood.” The Phantom pushed himself to his feet, though he seemed to be having some trouble keeping his balance. Perhaps the electric currents had left a stronger impact on his body than was evident. To think this incident took place right before a jarring surgery…

HE IS SUCH A MORON. YOU IDIOT.

Perhaps this would be their final conversation, Simon realized with a sudden jolt. …No, the surgery would be harmless. It was an easy procedure. That was what the doctor had claimed.

This I had a small bit of trouble with, because something like brain surgery hardly seems like an “easy” and “harmless” procedure, but the dangers were actually touched on as I pointed out in my previous post… I just guess I would have emphasised the dangers a little more. But perhaps you did research and were able to determine that such a hypothetical procedure… would be “harmless”…?

The Phantom closed his eyes for a few seconds and Simon could see the corners of his mouth twitch. “I am… glad that we got to be partners one last time. Trust or no trust, I think that we make a favorable team.”

Look my soul had already well and truly left my body by this point of the chapter so I did not remember this line at all. I don’t really know what the hell’s it ‘sposed to mean or what’s going on. I guess it doesn’t matter. I have already been DESTROYED.

Dear Phantom,

Yours Sincerely,

-One of your biggest fans.

Sooo I was devastated. And felt deeply humiliated. And then that devastation turned to pure desperation. Even if things turned out this way… There had to still be hidden actual one-sided phantomquill nonetheless, right? I needed this. I needed this so badly, I’d staked everything on one-sided phantomquill’s reality here, something I had never truly done in any other phantom fic I’d ever read – fics that would willingly offer up phantomquill to me on a silver platter.

But every last bit of “phantomquill” that I’d been assuming and hadn’t even cared for prior to this point turned out not to be phantomquill at all…? It faded away, just when I needed it most. At which point, a second wave of devastation hit me. At the fact that not only had the chapter gone horribly, horribly awry from what my fantasies had played out in my mind, but that there had apparently never been any one-sided phantomquill. Heightening my sense of my own idiocy tenfold.

And this second wave was exacerbated by another realisation: Even if there were traces of genuine phantomquill to be found in other parts of the series, it hardly made any difference in the end. My feelings were hurt by chapter 19. Everything had been banked on that. And nothing could change how it actually played out.

And I thought it over countless times, because I usually like to pride myself on understanding and siding with authorial intent, you know? Or at least striving to most of the time. Was I truly just unbelievably stupid? What was I supposed to expect from the chapter? What about the other “phantomquill” scenes and implications that took place, dotted all throughout the series, that can be viewed through different lenses? It was clear that some baiting had been at play, but how much of it had been intentional and how much was me just an idiot reading the text incorrectly? (The fact that you were gunning for it in the beginning makes it seem like such a deep-rooted, ridiculously long-running con-job… my goodness… Even if it wasn’t intended to be a con from the start… That means the audience… Can you really say the audience is not being conned way back in Chasing Phantoms? How else were they supposed to interpret the phantom’s characterisation back then…?! How were they supposed to know…! And if actual phantomquill had been what you intended at the time of writing it…!) Oh I was ruined and driven into doubting myself so much and KICKING myself over this.

There was… No justice in any of this, it seemed. And I could not even feel “righteous” in any way. I just felt pathetic.

Because I’d only been asking for something one-sided… I’d wanted to see my favourite character suffer even more. It’s not the “normal” “I just want character to be happy” type angle. So it felt like such a weird thing to beg for. But beeeeeg for it I did anyway, huh.

I just! Wanted! To see some more Vulnerable Phantom! Maybe with just a little bit of genuine emotions leaking through! What would have made it so wonderful… Is that it takes place JUST before the surgery! Therefore it would demonstrate that even with his severely limited emotional state! He still…! THAT’S WHAT I WANTED OK IS THAT SO WRONG?!

No it isn’t and meet me out back I’ve got sources come prepared I’ll present my ten page essay on why you wrote your own fic wrong and sjsdjsdkj

^Me, in all-out confrontation & idiot mode, arguing at you over this, well and truly willing to go down with this one-sided ship

And when some of the devastation subsided, I went into Bitter Mode. Ohhhhhhh the saltiness. Ohhhhhhh I got salty, veeeeery salty. STILL not entirely sure if I’m done being salty. Or will ever be done being salty & bitter over this, played up intentionally to my friend to reap all of its comedic potential. :P I’d been burrrrrrrrrned.

So there you have it. Since you like irony so damn much…

I took the “phantomquill” in this series for granted at first. “Phantomquill” that I later practically begged for.

I didn’t care a whole lot for the initial scene where the phantom lets himself fall from that window in Chasing Phantoms (of course, I later realised how good it was on its own). A scene that was directly tied to and paralleled one of the extreme heights of my enjoyment in Vanquishing Mirages, also helping me to gain a far deeper appreciation of said earlier scene.

And the one time where I got super invested in phantomquill and wanted it, really wanted it, was with one of the very few fics that would flatly refuse to provide it.

Oh wait, one more thing too. The aro ace thing. Lol if he was agender too in this, he’d be triple-A hahaha

That was another thing when I came across the phantomquill in Chasing Phantoms initially. I was just like, “mmmm, no, nah. If anything, going by the “canon” of the game, if you absolutely had to put a label on the phantom, he’d be aro ace.”

Well. Turns out…

And, under just about any other circumstance, it would make me pleased to see the phantom call himself aro ace, and yet… The circumstances couldn’t be more… :T

So when it finally sunk in that, yea he is?

I was just like…

“No… no no no no no no… This is not happening… This cannot be happening…! MY OWN LOGIC IS BEING USED AGAINST MEEEEEE……………………”

: (

But yes. The ironies that can be listed of this situation do go on and on.

That was it. The last Simon saw or heard of the entity known as the Phantom.

Me, who in spite of everything, actually does still love the phantom very much and does not want to see him now promptly vanish from this really well-written series in his really well-written form, and has noooo idea how this is gonna go and what the result of this surgery is gonna be and is therefore very nervous about how “the phantom” will transform after this point:

If the doctors were successful, an intangible spirit would take the form of a true human, rather like a phoenix being reborn from its own ashes.

“I’ve literally just been brutally left in the dust I am hardly in any state to appreciate the beauty of sentences like this one. GO AHEAD, SHOW ME YOUR PRETTY PROSE, BUT IT’S A LITTLE LATE NOW ISN’T IT. IT WON’T WORRRRRRK I’M TOO BUSY HAVING BEEN SO THOROUGHLY OWNED BY A BAIT AND SWITCH THAT I’M LYING ON THE GROUND IN TINY PIECES”

To prove once and for all whether or not there was a true identity hidden inside him.

That’s nice but I literally just could not bring myself to care anymore. I was done. The fic ended in the last chapter. It was finished. “My version’s canon to me now.” That’s one way I could try to cope and pretend my heart & dignity can remain intact. Whatever is going on now it’s just an interesting au. My little self-indulgent version is what obviously happened.

This fic could do whatever the hell it wanted because nothing about it mattered anymore, I didn’t care, it’d lost me. I pettily decided at the time that Anything after Chapter 18 is the Wrong Timeline so It’s all meaningless as far as I was concerned!

Fulbright… Was he truly so angry that he would miss the moment of the Phantom’s awakening?

It’s kinda funny because in a sense, I was Bobby at this point of the chapter. Absent : ) Yeah, ok, I was reading on through my pain… But I was very. Emotionally absent, disconnected, or whatever you’d like to call it. In Chasing Phantoms I wasn’t particularly invested because of all the doubts I’d had. And here, my investment in however the series would continue dropped DRAMATICALLY because I’d been too invested in it. It was just like… “Ok. Might as well see whatever the hell happens. But nothing in this series can ever truly make me happy again as it did before. The line’s been crossed. Sayonara.”

…Yeah, rather bold words to utter just prior to Lifting Spirits.

But you baked the most perfect, beautiful and tantalising-looking phantomquill cake to me… and then you just… IMMEDIATELY destroyed it. You took a hammer to that cake. Threw it in the bin, leaving me desperately, brokenly reaching for the icing still smeared messily on the table, and when I did, YOU SLAPPED MY HAND AWAY. No siree I could not even have some of that icing. Ya blew it. I was done. UNFORGIVABLE. Line crossed. Your rights to the work were forfeit as far as I was concerned. It was all mine now.

Was he consulting with his trusted therapist, perhaps?

HOHOOH what if he did though. I can’t remember if that gets confirmed either way. PFFF WELL YOU CAN ADD THIS MESS TO THE LIST OF THINGS BENNY MIGHT KNOW ABOUT THEN???? HOW… INTERESTING!

Ok but also:

I SWEAR TO GOOOOOOOD THIS LINE ACTUALLY MADE ME SO? CONFUSED AND BORDERLINE, IF NOT OUTRIGHT SUSPICIOUS ON FIRST READ BECAUSE LIKE.

Okay, there was another much more direct Benny reference earlier this same fic. He’s actually NAMEDROPPED. I didn’t point it out at the time because I didn’t want to be too tedious about it and waited until the next reference like this, which I figured there would be, so that I could comment on MY THOUGHTS.

So waaay back earlier in the fic, when Benny actually gets namedropped for the first time:

What sort of advice would his therapist offer? He wished he could call the man and explain his situation, because Benny always had just the right answer to any problem.

Me at the time: wow, even the offscreen therapist gets a name? What a series! Is this series fleshed out or what?!

But even back then.

There’d just been. Such a handful of references to this guy.

Like, when the therapist first started being referenced it was all like “oh I’m so glad Bobby’s getting the counselling and help that he needs”.

And then he just

Kept being referenced after that

And with each iteration I just got a tiny bit more and more like

“O-okay…? We know Bobby is getting help… We are aware of it. And that’s great. I’m really glad. Not sure why the therapist matters though… weird focus on the therapist since it’s Bobby’s recovery that is paramount here, not the therapist helping him. Just not relevant.”

Like I was deeply impressed that such an unimportant character got named, yet at the same time it was like. Aaaaalright. He’s really not warranting this much focus. But okay then.

And now it’s Blackquill bringing him up, not Bobby. And SURE I guess the mention KINDA makes sense from him but the focus felt so fishy to me… “TRUSTED therapist”… why the emphasis on how great this guy supposedly is. C’mooon. It REALLY made me go HMMMM. I was just like… who cares though. There’s literally no reason to bring the therapist up he’s not connected to any of this or the plot at ALLL… He serves ONE purpose and that is to be the unseen background force helping Bobby to work through his issues. That’s it!

Vanquishing Mirages, Chapter 20

Oh… This chapter… is so good. Wow… Wow. Not much else I can say rn.

He’d never appreciated her. Now it was too late.

Simon saw no need to keep the truth from him. This plan had been the Phantom’s, not his own. He’d merely been roped into it as an unwilling accomplice, yet he refused to cover the spy’s tracks.

Ffffffffffffff

Yeah I was gonna go off about “idiot spy” again at this point but I’ve tired myself out from all the salt I’ve overloaded into this post so that my past pain can serve at least some kind of fun… But god. God. The phantom’s plan was PAPER thin just, ridiculously flimsy, yeah sure he came up with it on the fly whatever I guess but it like. Depends on Blackquill playing along and ffffffffffffff. Alright I guess maybe he figured Simon would play along if Simon was interested in shielding Bobby from grief as the phantom explained was his intent but god. Ghhhhhh. It just feels like insult to injury too cause he has this Grand Plan to protect Bobby which immediately proceeds to fail.

And it was enough to fuel his loathing further. He shook his head so violently that it made him dizzy, yet he managed to stop himself from raising his voice again. Shouting wouldn’t make his point any clearer. Instead, he stepped forward and crouched down before Fulbright’s chair. He grabbed the man’s nearest hand with both of his own. He was lousy with words and he knew that much, but he needed to at least try to communicate his thoughts- his feelings- before this misunderstanding was allowed to spread any more. “Do you truly not remember what I’ve told you from the day I first met you?” he demanded, his tone of voice more fierce than he’d intended but lacking in volume nonetheless. “You are nothing like the man who played the part of my chaperone. I would sooner take my own life than return to those days. You, on the other hand, give me another reason to live. I can tell the difference between the two of you and that makes all the difference in the world.”

[…]

“I love you, Bobby Fulbright, not the fallacy that pretended to be you. However, if you dare to call my feelings into question again, I will not hesitate to tear you to shreds myself.”

This is a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming for Blackbright right here. This is SOO good. I really admired and appreciated this shining Blackbright moment even amidst the whirl of everything else I was busy reacting to.

And… On that uplifting note, I’ll finish this otherwise ridiculously salty mess of a post. XD I’ll tackle the rest of this chapter & more beyond next time. This is already waaaaay too long anyway. But I knew that this post would inevitably be a massive one, and I had to essentially say Stuff You to the very notion of any self-imposed word-limits.

#riskiest post yet?#I've been kinda dreading this #AND Y E T #Oh I forgot to add 'long post' to help avoid clogging peoples dashboards if the readmore fails so:#long post

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flandesuka · 6 years ago

Note

Yo you should answer all of these scene questions👀👀

:OOO

you think so lad???? shit dawg i was thinkin just a few at a time but if that what u want my dear nonnie i will supply

1. wats ur scene name?

i was thinkin maybe ‘gods mistake’ would be a good one but then. i found a way to make it both danganronpa related, and, even better, a fucking pun as well. ‘kamukura kamukura jasqueen’, or just ‘kamukura jasqueen’ for short is good k thxxx

2. describe ur dream outfit!

oooo gosh this ones trickyy!! there are so many good outfits out there, especially in the scene community!! but it’d have to have a few tiny elements of dr cosplay to add a lil of my dangan-weeb culture in there ofc! more specifically, id really love to get one of kazuichis jumpsuit and just wig out and add shit like this just because i could:

(id just rlly love going out in all those glowy/shiny things at night like all that haha..and yes the shoes would probably kill me/my fuckin feet if i tried to walk in them but shut up i love them theyre cute as fuck)

3. describe ur dream haircut!

oo another tricky one!! i do like my regular hair, and honestly id be lying if i said i didnt love ibuki’s hairdo too but id defs have to go with something like this!!

yaaaassss, so pretty and spikeeeey! maybe id dye my natural hair colour black and/or add some funky colours if i ever actually got this style down!

4. describe ur dream room!

i have a lot of ideas for dream bedrooms actually, but heres a visual image of one of them i found!!!

MIKU ROOM MIKU ROOM MIKU ROOM MIKU ROOM

(this specific idea arose mainly just for the aesthetic but i also find it super cute and a good environment to be in general hhhnnggg)

5. if u could make anything out of kandi, wat would u make?

oh you mean those colourful beads and bracelet things??? i love those man!!! theyre so visually appealing to me aaaaa…id probably just make a fuck-ton of those and most probably use the little letter beads to say random words/phrases like ‘aubergine’ and ‘despacito’ knowing my shitposter self lmaooo! id definitely make a sansmaeda themed one too thoo fr

6. wat would u write on ur shoez?

it’d probably range from things like a simple kaomoji doodle to something randum and stupid like ‘seesaw’ bc yes asjnd

7. wat kinda piercingz/tattooz do u hav/want?

i dont think i rlly want any real piercings (at least not atm) but id totally go for those fake stick-on gemstone lookin’ ones! and as for tattoos, i cant rlly see myself gettin one of those rn either, but id want something like a mario power-up, preferably the bell one/cat suit powerup!!! its my favorite powerup and its sooo cute!!!

8. fave genrez?

i dont rlly have a specific genre, i like most kinds of music, but i rlly like energetic music that i can dance tooo!!! >w

9. fave bandz?

im a big fan of gorillaz and botdf!!! i like p!atd as well but havent listened to it in a while.. gatta catch up loool

10. fave songz?

my favs alternate a lot, but atm im super into ‘slow dancing in the dark’ by joji!!! so much emotiooon quq…also rlly hooked on botdf and jefree star’s ‘sexting’ tooo lmaooo

11. fave lyricz?

‘The world keeps spinning Among this sinning Oh what a cruel and disgusting place The purest moonlight Is bloodied by plight And screaming resonants But somehow I know That it’s all for show The world will reveal it’s true beauty soon And we’ll all reach towards the moon ‘

its so deep but its from a fucking kaito momota fansong and i love that asnkjdnefe

12. hav u evr been to a concert?

not in a damn long while my lad,, rip australians not havin many artists they like from other countries tour there ;-;

13. do u wanna be in a band?

ive always thought thatd be pretty cool ngl!!! tourin around with ur bandmate friends, makin awesome fuckin tunes, people lovin u and ur music, just livin the dream in general,, nice

14. wats da best soda/energy drink flavour?

havent rlly had any as of rn my lad so i wouldnt know :/

15. wat do u miss most abt old internet?

i loved that we could all just be ourselves and act like the kids we are inside without bein reprimanded at all.. it aint rlly that much of an issue for me but i still think itd be a lot nicer if it was like that again sometimes,,

16. wats da best old meme?

ooohhh there are so many i still miss man! numa numa ermagerd and doge still remind me of the glory days…when old animeme was good and you could still haz ur cheezburgers in peace. also rage comics! rage comics were good what happened

17. best place 2 buy clothez?

i dont think theres any hot topics in australia but if there is. i will hunt it down you hear me

18. wat r ur fave accessoriez?

OH THERES SO MANY GOOD ONES??? as i stated b4 i rly love kandi bracelets and other glowy/led things!!! also rlly love ties with cute and fun patterns and long colourful and/or ripped socks like ibuki’s too hehe

19. wats ur best tip fr ppl that just got into scenecore?

im not rlly the best at advice, but my main point would be-just hav fun here dudes!!! dont let anyone else bulli u abt it, we’re supportive people, u can talk to me or anyone else whos willin to listen an/or help for reassurance ofc

20. opinion on furbiez?

oOH MY GOD YES. FURBIES. MY BABIES I WANT 10 OF THESE CHILDREN…I ACTUALLY HAVE A FURBY HE LIKES SLEEPING IN HIS SPECIAL DRAWER AND HIS NAME IS TINGLE I ADORE HIM I’LL POST A OF PICTURE LATER MAYBE

21. opinion on funko popz?

i like em and ive seen lots at eb games, but i dont buy em much..i do have a megaman pop with a broken arm tho loool

22. wats ur fave pattern? (zebra/leopard print etc)

i looove a lot of patterns but not gonna lie im always a sucker for rainbow checkerboard patterns yknow hehe!

23. fave color combo?

i dont have one rlly…soooo many possible comboooos…cx

24. sumthing u liked as a kid dat u still like?

im still going on girlsgogames and recently, ive finally mastered sues beauty machine!!!! its so good and fun all of ya’ll should try it my dudeeees

25. wats ur most used emoticon? 0w0

as most of ya’ll probs alredy know i spam ‘:O’ a lot, but one of my bigger favs is actually ‘x3′ and my fav kaomoji is ‘ଘ(੭ˊ꒳ˋ)੭✧’ (both of them are so kyooot >w

26. wats ur fav typin quirk?

i luv talkin like dis, but i dont rly do it that often loool…i awso wuv tawking in ‘owo’ speak wike dis >//w//>

27. do u wish ur fllwrz talked 2 u moar?

hellz yeaaa!!! i luv followr interaction my dudee! it makes me super happi when u all talk to me heehee! x3c

28. tag ur fave scene blawgz!

:O !!! oh gawd!!! i dont know many atm but heeereee!

@xxadam-antidotexx (op of the ask meme)

@glitchkichi (not sure if this counts but their stuff’s rlly cool >v

@otonashi-banana (scene boyf…wuv im more than anythin >///w///>

29. wat got u into scenecore?

i dont remember exactly how it happened but i’d always sorta wanted to go back to the glory days that was the old web and the scene era, and that, coupled with a bright, colourful aesthetic that i could really enjoy, drew me in like a moth to a neon colored flame ig looollll

30. how long hav u been scene?

i’ve only been officially apart of the community for about a few months now (at time of writing) i reckon so some things are still a lil new to me ig ^^;;

31. wats da best thing abt being scene?

the freedom of bein able to express myself 4 one thing, and its just so fun being so ‘out-there’ yknow???? it feels so great really

32. do u hav a fursona?

i…actually used to but ive moved on from the furry fandom and ive grown more attached to my human sona anyway sooo :/

33. r u in sum “cringy” fandomz?

YEA man!! i dont rlly think dr is inherently considered ‘cringey’ but undertale is and im in that one for sure!!! i also kinda technically never left the skylanders fandom(?) so theres that too ig??? oh yeah and who wants to let me draw my old moshi monsters characters COWARDS

34. do u liek plushiez?

YASSSS QUEEEN!!!! i have HEAPS of them in my room on my desk with my gonta shrine

35. do u liek stickerz?

also a big yaaassss from me dawggg!!! i love them and i love those ones that you stick on your fase like this!

its so cuuute!!!

36. do u hav a friendproject?

i dont, not at the moment a least, actually! didnt even know what it was til recently but it looks kewl haha

37. do u hav any other scene account?

well, i haz this one, and i also have an emowire account for shuichi if that counts!!

38. do u make art? (drawingz, blingeez, etc.)

YES!!! i love to draw and i also make blingee edits sometimes!!! ITS SO FUN XD !!!

39. wats da most scene thing? (anything!)

hmmm, weeell…i think the most stereotyped thing would be that kewl, suuuper big hair like this;

its really prettyyyy, and i love all that colouuur!!!

40. ask ur own randum question!!

hm, oh wowie, since the anon didnt specifically ask this one…POTATOES!!! X3

phew, finally done, that was a lot of typing! this was so fun to do though, so thank u nonnie!!! :3

#ask #ask meme #scene revival #scenecore #scene kid #scene #anon #oh god what now jasu

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exid-though · 7 years ago

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An ask turned into an essay/presentation and I’m hoping MBTI blogs don’t block me for this here’s EXID’s possible MBTI types!

Before anyone who actually knows about MBTI types more in depth jumps on me for how poorly done this is, I’d like to request you do better. That sounds hella sarcastic but like legit I’m curious about what someone else would think about this especially someone who knows a lot bit more so like actually correct me on something or give your opinion like fr I’d enjoy it. I don’t word things well, I don’t say things well. But like?? power through? you can figure it out it’s not a puzzle it’s just poorly written so play English teacher and work through it.

Solji- ESTJ

The first thing that we (we being @lencoexid and I thank you for helping me/co writing this basically) decided was that Solji has a higher Te (look at me picking up the lingo?). The girl was voted the scariest member just because she’s very about her business I guess you could say? That’s not the best way to put it but anyway, she comes off as “scary” because she’s very quick to remind the girls that she’s not only the leader but also the oldest and she knows best, not because she’s actually being mean or anything but just because she wants to help and keep them doing what they’re supposed to be doing. But also Jeonghwa helps. She’s later. Anyway.

One website says

“Dominant Te types may come across as bossy or know-it-all-ish, even when they genuinely mean well.“

and another says:

“Te involves the outward expression of rational judgments and opinions; TJs literally think (i.e., make judgments, conclusions, and decisions) aloud. Te is more fact-oriented than Ti is. STJs, in particular, see the world as composed of discrete, black-and-white parts. This allows them to institute clear definitions, objective standards, and measurable goals. While Ti is forever backtracking to question and clarify underlying ideas and assumptions, Te is more positivistic and forward-moving, working to improve definitions, plans, policies, classifications, procedures, etc. It carefully spells out how to get from here to there, using as many maps, labels, and instructions as necessary.”

Solji is very sweet of course we love her whatever but she also comes across as bossy sometimes and as lenco pointed out, even Heeyeon said she also likes to do things her own way. She made Jeonghwa mad in that infamous Showtime fight because she kept teasing Jeonghwa about how slow she was washing the food and telling her to do it faster. She, like the true mom of EXID that she is, took the knife from her and showed her how to cut the food faster, too. Like literally just showed her “you can cut two at a time, see?” and Jjong was just like -_-. To Solji, this wasn’t being bossy or anything, she just had a better way to do it that was more efficient and she wanted to show her younger friend who was wasting time, but Jeonghwa was young and sensitive so she got angry lmao

Then we had to decide if she was more of a secondary Si user or Ni and Si seems to fit better.

“SJs do not venture out seeking novel sensations, experiences, or material goods. Instead, they prefer a more routinized and predictable lifestyle, functioning more as “homebodies.” ISJs may also fail to notice external details to the degree exhibited among ESPs. Unlike SPs, who are oriented to the present moment and the current trends, SJs rely on information from the past to inform the present. They grow attached to past ways of doing things, compelling them to conserve and protect traditions or conventions. Because of their concern for the remembered past, Si might be considered more abstract and less concrete than Se is.”

Solji also has moments where she goes on about things and she gets very excited when thinking about possibilities of what she could be doing, even when it’s small and just a game EXID are playing, she really seems to enjoy banter and clever thinking like an Ne might?

“When orating, NPs may not always seem to “have a point” as they haphazardly move from one idea to the next. Ne is more divergent and expansive in nature than its introverted cousin, Ni. NPs feel compelled to outwardly explore all the options and possibilities, making it difficult for them to draw firm conclusions or make confident decisions.”

In romantic relationships, Solji says she actually prefers someone who will lead her and someone who’s cold on the outside and warm on the inside. If that means anything to you mbti smart people.

"I like the manly types. Rather than a man who affectionately takes care of me well, I like the type who will lead me."

"You must like the 'tsundere (cold on the outside, soft on the inside)' types. A blood type-B man (stereotyped to be coarse and bad-tempered)." Solji said that was correct.

LE - ISFP

This woman... her and Solji. Elly is almost definitely an IXXP to me because idk just her general self. She’s very “free” ig, she doesn’t like schedules, she likes to do whatever more on a whim but less so than Hyelin I think. But she has said specifically that she doesn’t like to go by schedules and prefers to be more in the moment.

She has multiple interests but she only goes into them a little bit? The members said (on NCT night night I believe there is a thing in my drafts anyway also it was technically 2 votes for Elly and 2 votes for Heeyeon actually) that she knows a lot and it’s almost weird that she knows the things she knows and Jeonghwa explained that Elly knows about a lot but she knows things in the way that she “knows a little about everything” so like she’s smart in the way that she has a broad range of general/fundamental knowledge on random things. Jeonghwa also said she’s the type that keeps up with trends like in fashion and also just regular trends like slang and other internet things. She’s into fashion. She isn’t the most empathetic member but she did once say that when she isn’t writing songs about her own experience she’s writing about others so that might be something? She’s very blunt and she thinks it’s easier and better to just be open about what you’re thinking and feeling so time isn’t wasted.

“I hate complicated things. That's such a waste of time."When asked what kind of love she wants to try, LE said, "A both placid and raging love," then added to everyone's amusement, "I like skinship,"

then she also said:

“It’s been a long time since I’ve had a boyfriend so I can’t remember, but I don’t get nervous around guys that I like. I like to play hard to get and make them chase me instead. That makes me feel a sense of achievement.”

I think she’s more Se than Si because she definitely seems to be more of an outward sensations type of person, with trends and fashion yeah but also she said she likes skinship and she’s pretty physical even if she’s not athletic. Like she doesn’t like working out but she likes the idea of extreme sports (note the “idea of” part lmao thank you @lencoexid) she likes video games, she likes to think about the way things physically feel like she’s a very Se person to me.

I was having a hard time figuring out if she was more Fi or Ti but we do really think that she’s more Fi after thinking about how she is towards her friends and her relationships more. Ti would be too logical in her judgements of things and she seems more like a feeler when it comes to things around her. SO I’m going with ISFP.

Hani - INTJ

idc what anyone says (I say that now but like it’s so easy to change my mind you could literally just be like “well what if Hani is this because of this” and I’ll be like shoot you’re right) but anyway I could see Heeyeon being a dominant Ni user and also she’s not an extrovert like Heeyeon would be the last member I’d believe is an extrovert I’m serious e to i in EXID goes Jeonghwa/Solji/Hyelin>LE>Hani don’t argue with me. Or do idc but like I’m not wrong on Jeonghwa and Heeyeon. (like I once saw someone call Ahn Heeyeon an ENFP? nahh) but also idk

I think she shows more of a Te then Fi than the opposite (Fe then Ti) so I’m going with INTJ I think.

Anyway, Heeyeon is super logical and detailed. Think about what made EXID so famous in the first place, Heeyeon literally taking actual written notes of what exact angles make her look best while performing. Her selfies are really popular (because she’s gorgeous?duh) and when she talks about her selfies she says they’re great because she took note of how she looks prettiest when her head is tilted at a 45 degree angle. Who measures that? Who? Nerds. That’s who. Hot nerds. Nerds trying to make sure their popularity stays up and they have no weaknesses. Scary hot nerds.

She takes notes in her notebook (which they all call her death note) of like everything she possibly can? Her calories, her workouts, any new findings in her selfie angles, and when people make her angry. She literally writes down the date and what they did and everything. She’s like the scary anime kid that comes out of the shadows and pushes their glasses up and says something weird then writes in their notebook. Kyoya Ootori she’s Kyoya from Ouran High School Host Club. My husband and my wife I have a type.

But then here’s the thing, she also really feels the need to have people like her? Like she used to diet and gain and lose weight (she’s not anymore thank God) and she got in trouble and was criticized by netizens for “just saying what she thinks will make people happy in that moment” which is honestly pretty true but I think it might’ve only really been true for that time. That was back when she had just gotten popular and she was still getting used to it and she was on so many shows right after doing nothing but eating ramen all day basically so I honestly think she could’ve just been worried about EXID’s fame and her image and everything because lately especially now she’s more like she was back when they were promoting Every Night like she’s very openly braggy and less anxious so I think it could’ve just been a stress and anxiety thing? Because now especially with the other girls she seems much more open about the other sides to her personality so I still think she could be an Fi not an Fe.

She also said when talking about what she’s like in love and all:

“I would say I’m a stronger type. I have charisma. I hear that a lot actually haha.”

She also seems more Se than Si but I can’t place exactly why. @fizzybubblespop also said that they’d say she was an INFJ but she seems so “present” that having Se as her last function doesn’t seem right.

I kinda agree but I also think it makes sense since she is a bit wired and outward and everything but she’s much more of a person who needs to sit and think about things a bit, spacing out sometimes and stuff. I could see Se over Si for sure but like lower than things like Ni and Te to me.

Hyelin - ESTP or ESXP

Hyelini hea lini hey lini hey jenny idk umm I think she has a higher F something and she’s a perceiver but I’m not sure on much else. She’s probably an extrovert to me but I also could possibly see her as a social introvert? She said on Showtime that after spending a lot of time with people she needs to spend time alone to relax for a few hours. But @lencoexid did point out that it’s more likely that it’s her attention shifting and her getting bored or tired of that situation and wanting something else.

I had never even thought of Hyelin as an ESFP before until lencoexid brought it up and I was like hmm? and when you think about it it could actually work well.

So, ESFP starts with Se, the extroverted sensing function. On this website they explained Se like this:

“Extroverted sensing is focused on taking in the world as it exists in the present moment. It is highly in tune with the sights, smells, sounds and general physical stimulus that surrounds it. Extroverted sensing lives and thrives in the moment, more so than any other function.”

Hyelin is someone who is a regular at bars and actually said she drinks for the feeling of being drunk. She said she doesn’t see the point of drinking if you’re not going to get drunk. She also traveled all the way to Jeonju randomly just to go to a specific restaurant there that she likes.

The problem here though comes when you get to the 2nd function which is Fi. To me, she seems more Fe. She had a secret job when EXID was broke, she was actually kinda uncomfortable when Solji and Jeonghwa had that argument in Showtime and she tried to make jokes about it and diffuse the situation it seemed.

She said when she’s in a relationship:

“I am really the submissive type, when I am in the wrong I bow down to my boyfriend and apologize right away, (hehe) but when I know that he is lying then I become more of a strong unni style.”

And so she seems pretty Fe when I think about it compared to Fi, she seems more about group harmony than her own inner feelings even if she is blunt and everything, at the end of the day she has many friends who all are very different (Shinsadong Tiger said in an interview once that Hyelin is friends with everyone and is even friends with a politician), she works to keep her friendships with people from her childhood and she doesn’t like when things mess with that. Remember when she just grabbed a mic and said “Minhyuk and I aren’t dating” because she wanted to end rumors before they got big? She’s very blunt and “crazy” and wild and she’s very into being the humorous one of the group that makes everyone laugh but she’s also very open and straight-forward when she doesn’t like something or when something is messing with the dynamic, you know?

Now, ESTP has Se>Ti>Fe>Ni and lencoexid and I both agree that between the two, Hyelin seems more Ti than Te (Te is more Solji’s thing lbr).

Jeonghwa - ISFJ or XSFJ

I think she has high Fe and probably dominant Fe because the girls are always saying she’s so empathetic and she’s so good at relating to people’s feelings, etc. Heeyeon said she was jealous of how empathetic Jeonghwa is, when Heeyeon was trying to explain herself Jeonghwa jumped in and helped her out (I can’t remember what it was but it was on a radio show and she kinda explained for Heeyeon), she’s very open about how she feels about things and what she thinks of things (all of EXID are pretty blunt but especially Hyelin>LE>Jeonghwa), she’s also the one that takes charge even though she’s the youngest to try to keep things under control just a little but she’s still kinda sensitive? She also likes planning things and sticking to a schedule as she said on NCT night night, her and Heeyeon like sticking to plans and Elly and and Hyelin like to go with the flow. And with ISFJ and ESFJ Si is high (1st or 2nd) and this website says this about higher Si users:

“SJs do not venture out seeking novel sensations, experiences, or material goods. Instead, they prefer a more routinized and predictable lifestyle, functioning more as “homebodies.””

Then it says this about high Fe users:

“FJs, especially EFJs, are quick to outwardly express their feelings, opinions, and grievances. Fe plays a prominent role in attuning to and empathizing with others’ emotions. It allows FJs to recreate another’s emotion state within themselves, allowing them to literally feel what the other person is feeling. FJs also work to meet others’ needs and to maintain harmony in the external environment. They ensure that everyone is getting along and is well cared for. At the same time, since Fe is an Extraverted Judging function, there are times when FJs are compelled to sacrifice external harmony for the sake of asserting their judgments. FJs also enjoy giving counsel and advice, especially with regard to people-related matters.“

She’s the most social and empathetic but she also prefers staying at her house and reading and her favorite author is Alain de Botton (which I think she said on Weekly Idol?) and that guy is a philosopher.

“de Botton deals with the process of falling in and out of love. De Botton wrote a sequel to Essays in Love, published in 2016, titled The Course of Love.”

“In The Consolations of Philosophy, de Botton attempts to demonstrate how the teachings of philosophers such as Epicurus, Montaigne, Nietzsche, Schopenhauer, Seneca, and Socrates can be applied to modern everyday woes. The book has been both praised and criticized for its therapeutic approach to philosophy.”

In The Architecture of Happiness[11] (2006), he discusses the nature of beauty in architecture and how it is related to the well-being and general contentment of the individual and society. He describes how architecture affects people every day, though people rarely pay particular attention to it. A good portion of the book discusses how human personality traits are reflected in architecture.

etc.

So this girl loves people, is social, also prefers to stay in and read (philosophy), is empathetic, blunt, likes schedules, mischievous, studies English and Chinese just cause she wants to improve in those things (she’s also an idol so there is a bit of a responsibility to do that but she doesn’t have to), etc. Like. Someone who knows MBTI well come type her instead cause idk. To me she’s either ISFJ or ESFJ and she seems more extroverted to me it just seems like she’s got a higher Fe than Si and so on than the other way around, but I think that’s more up to just how you perceive her I mean she is an idol and I forget a lot so ISFJ or ESFJ.

I’ve learned a lot. Thank you for your time. Also Solji’s was the hardest and the mystery woman needs to come back so we can look into this more, agreed? Agreed. @solji when did you become so hard to figure out you’re louder than Jeonghwa sometimes

#but it'd be better if someone who actually knows more on this stuff did this #it was just an ask that turned into an essay that isn't that great but is decent enough ig #if you think so #could be better worded but I'm not a writer #**clearly**#lencoexid helped a lot though #so thank you #Solji's is the one I'm less sure on like idk why but the others I see a lot more #but ik this isn't well done but like here's my (and lencoexids) opinions?#should I make little edits #I'm bad at that stuff so like I shouldn't but I kinda want to now that it's in my head #it's lencos fault #maybe i should #they'd be kinda ugly but like maybe I should just for fun #I'm bored and it'd be something to do #exid

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smireyac · 4 years ago

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fuck this year man u dont even get cute emojis in the title this time

so lemme just start by saying fuck 2020

now that we’re on the same page, lets get into it

so i dont have to explain all the reasons why this year sucked bc u just need to google 2020 and there will be a million reasons why it was TOTAL FUCKING GARBAGE...... usually when so many people collectively say a year sucked ass, i can be like “oh it wasnt *all* bad for me, personally” haha not this year!!!

its super fucking depressing to look at how hopeful and positive i was about 2020 a year ago..... ofc there was no way for me to have known it would all go to shit but i still really appreciate the tone i had set... reading over the previous reflections and seeing how harsh and negative i was @ myself made the softness of last years post super refreshing....

now i said i dont *have* to explain all the ways 2020 was shitty, but i am gonna explain the biggest reason this year was shitty for me, personally..... it might seem really small in comparison to the ways 2020 was shitty as a whole on like a global scale? but really the biggest reason 2020 sucked ass was i didnt get to really hang out with any of my friends in real life for 9 out of the 12 months of the year.... and really it was like the first week of march that shit hit the fan so like really it was only 2 months that we got to see each other....... if u rmbr p much every previous retrospective post ive made, there was a big emphasis on friends..... ive come to realize that im actually a very *extra*verted person??? despite my overall shyness and homebody attitude, i would always choose to hang out with people over being alone so stay-at-home orders FUCKING SUCKED??? when we all thought it would be over in a couple weeks, maybe a month it was fine?? hey its a good time to draw or catch up on that reading and/or writing i said i was gonna do maybe even start learning to drive?? it’ll be no big deal THEN it wasn’t over in a month and it wasnt gonna BE over anytime soon and no one important was doing anything about it and its an election year and black lives have always mattered and yet everything is so uncertain and

[inhale]

[exhale]

this year was..... a lot...... too much in fact

in 2018, i had said that i watched vox’s video on the year in 5 mins and cried... if i watched this year in five minutes, i dont think i would be able to breathe......

SO instead of making myself CRY..... lets try to think about any GOOD things that happened and think about what we can do to make 2021 good for ourselves:

GOOD THINGS THAT HAPPENED:

-i *didn’t* lose my job!! sad that so many others cannot say the same but im trying to make myself feel *better* not WORSE so i got to keep my job and i actually work more hours than before so!!

-i actually *did* learn to drive this year!!!! and im pretty good at it??? for someone that just started this year anyway?? i probably *would* have my DRIVER’S LICENSE right now if it weren’t for a surge in cases in a certain STATE that i happen to live in......... but w/e its fine i get more time to practice and im ~~**DEFINITELY**~~ going pass my test and get my license ~whenever it is that i can reschedule my dmv appt~

lmfao its so funny that last year, i was absolutely *dreading* learning to drive but i so fucking get why everyone was like ‘you need to learn how to drive’ i legit love it so much???? ive always been a car person but that was like purely for the aesthetic but now that i can drive im just....... WOOOW this really is what freedom feels like.... like ik that public transportation is amazing and i will always champion it but nothing beats being purely in control of your destination.... i also wanted to buy myself a car for my birthday even tho i couldnt really drive yet but then sien had to fix smthg on her car and it was EXPENSIVE AF and my mom was like “u dont need to buy a car yet” so i put the brakes [haha] on that... but soon... once i get my license,,, then i will have u my love................. so with that being “my most serious goal of 2020″ im glad i did it

-i was one of lucky ones and got unemployment when i couldn’t work so i have a lot of money saved in the bank??? pls no one steal my identity i wanna use that money to buy myself a car and/or for when we move out 🤞🤞 we’ll just have to wait and seeeeee....................

-i had mentioned playing dnd last year too and thats been going STRONG as hell thank goodness....... we couldnt keep playing in person but when we moved it to online, not only did we actually get to hang out a lot more, we made more friends??? introduced new people to the group?? its so good and in fact probably the only thing that kept me even a little bit sane this year......

-this is more of an honorable mention than an accomplishment but im this 🤏close to catching up with critical role and thats partially thanks to the pandemic lmao sooooo ???

aaaaaaand thats p much it lol i didnt really accomplish any of my other goals bc reasons................. but!!! as cliche as it sounds, with a light at the end of the tunnel, im confident that i can turn that all around this year.... so if 2016 was the year of change, 2017 was the year of getting used to shit, 2018 was the year of getting *too* used to shit and 2019 ended up being the year of friends, 2020 was the year of absolute shit and it doesn’t fucking count....... i learned a lot this year, biggest lesson of all is that life is short and if i were to have died at any point last year, what the fuck would i have to show for it??? so usually i end up giving a theme or name to a year after its done but this time im determined to make 2021 into what i want it to be SO i am declaring this year, the year of our lord 2021, the year of new experiences!!!! what the fuck does that mean you ask? well ill tell you!!! im gonna try new things this year!! make a very pointed effort to do things outside my comfort zone?? and for my goals this year, im going back to my old way of making a huge list of stuff u wanna do and seeing how much i can actuallly accomplish!! now i said theres a light but we really dont know when all this shit will end and life will go “bAcK tO nOrMaL” so whos to say ill get to accomplish any of it? at the same time, there are plenty of stuff on the list that i can do within the pandemic set parameters so!! lets see this list!!

2021 GOALS:

[check boxes bc there is no plain box emoji lmao]

☑️ read new books!! i’ll keep last years goal bc i didnt meet it and i have good reads now which tells me i just need to read 1.5 books a month to reach that goal!! huzzah!

☑️ watch new shows and new movies b4 u end up watching shit you’ve already seen a million times... i bought an old planner for 2020 instead of 2021 by accident but i hope it will help keep track of the movies/shows along with the books too!

☑️ listen to new music!! this years spotify wrapped was garbo it only had like 3 albums and a bunch of other shit i always listen to so i gotta fix that lmfao

☑️ write new stories!! i am comforted by the shit ive been writing for the past like 7 years but if my screenplay class taught me anything its that there are a lot of stories to tell and i got so many ideas floating around in this noggin!! instead of an arbitrary word count, why dont i say write idk 3 new stories, start to finish, in whatever medium idc screenplay, short story, comic, twine WHATEVER!! do it!

☑️ eat new food!! lmao this one seems the most silly to me but ive never had indian food, ive never had [not really anyway] korean food, i want to find new restaurants and eat new food!!! yum!

☑️ go on a road trip!!

☑️ visit some place ive never been before!!

☑️ go on a hike??

☑️ go to mexico again

☑️ ride a scary rollercoaster you previously wouldnt have

☑️ go to a club

☑️ get silly drunk fr

☑️ FUCK IT go on dates!! self date friend dates sister date cousin dates R- Romantic... dates ??? FUCK IT!!! YEAH!! DATE ALL UP IN THIS BITCH!!

☑️ learn to use blender

☑️ animate something

☑️ make a big painting

☑️ cosplay ???? AHH

☑️ learn to roller skate lmao u bought the skates and were so excited for them!!

☑️ go somewhere SUPER DARK and go see some real stars!!!!

☑️ and to top it all off, throw the airbnb house party that we’ve been talking about for MONTHS lmao

hmmmm,, i think thats a good enough list for now ?? another thing i wanted to accomplish.... that im scared to speak into existence bc then i cant back out of doing it...........and it doesnt align with the whole “new” spirit of 2021 but.......... i want to like start making apartments for rent????? like i want to have something of it to show by, if not the 8th anniversary then by the end of the year HHUFF THERE I SAID IT......... no turning back now..........

alright its almost midnight on.... whats this? its already jan. 1st??? lmao yeah fuck it i didnt keep up with anything i normally did this year who cares i made up the rules i can break them too lol

so yeah

we’ll see what this year brings us,,,,

hoo boy

#omg i talk #happy new year

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abcdosaka · 4 years ago

Text

life update

i’ve been making a lot of random textposts lately but they’re all kinda vague and complainy so i thought i’d write about stuff i’ve done recently

i dyed my hair tips red finally...and it looks really good like better than green actually. i feel like the dye i used will fade fast but i think it will fade to a coral colour which i don’t hate ^^ ill bleach my bangs soon enough but i need to do the math and figure out the ratio of bleach powder to developer

lately i’ve been using twitter through a separate account from my main and i don’t interact with anybody but i like to read threads and whatever its pretty interesting but...there’s so much drama and even though i’m not even involved im already tired of it. i’m pretty much done with tumblr except for this blog but not using twitter anymore either would be really nice...and i never use ig either. one day the only social media apps ill use are texting apps and im looking forward to that. but also how am i gonna get my daily dose of jhope fr my life is kinda lame rn and he makes me happy

i turned my old old 2012 laptop back on so i could play skyrim and its so slow and combat is really hard bc it lags so much which is really unfortunate...but i don’t want to download skyrim onto my new laptop so ill just have to figure out a way to make it faster. i did disk cleanup and defragmenter and hopefully that helps. i think if i allocate more ram to graphics it might be better (or something like that i dont rly remember but ik ur supposed to do it in bios). anyway the laptop is old as fuck and i only used it for games which i barely even play nowadays...although i want to spend my time playing video games instead of social media. i should try to get back into minecraft bc i literally spent like $40 on it... and ttr (i didnt spend money on it but i made a friend like 2 months ago and havent talked to her since....@ her im sorry...)... and i said i wanted to replay portal 2 right

i actually have a shitton of games i own that ive never played. like fucking fez... apparently that game is really good and ive owned it for like 6 years now and i just never played it

also im trying to write a story. ive had the whole story plotted out for like 3 months but ive only started writing it now and i think i have ~800 words? still on chapter 1 or whatever. writing is really hard bc even starting i felt like “oh this is so cringy wow i’m really writing? a FANTASY story??” but tbh so many ppl write fantasy and its fun seeing people with cool powers doing crazy shit. anyways theres hoes out there writing about the most disgusting shit imaginable so i’m trying to convince myself im not cringe and having a hobby like this is a good thing

im not as terrible at it as i thought maybe bc ive been reading a bit lately but idk how to get the patience for it. i just wish i could mentally transfer my ideas onto the page without having to type..like in that saiki k ep where he uses his powers to transfer the manga writer’s idea onto paper without waiting for him to draw it.

i havent really talked to my friends for a while... i guess in actuality its been like a week and a half which is not as bad as it could be but i miss hanging out with my friends in person

i watched the first ep of s2 of bon voyage where they go to hawaii and it made me miss sri lanka so much. like when they landed and walked off the plane i felt so much nostalgia for the air there and just the whole vibe. sri lanka is obvs not the best place in the world but something abt it just hits different. like its just refreshing. i still like toronto tho

id like to go to hawaii one day. and new zealand too. they both seem like really cool places

oh and i made 2 tiktoks that was just like me restoring old white shoes lol. i’m not done there’s still more to do but making tiktoks is so hard and annoying to edit. it makes me not want to continue restoring my shoes since ik im gonna have to film it...

honestly i dont think ive done much else other than study bio and do the pd course... i feel a bit better bc i wrote so much even tho its only technically like 5 things that are notable but still it makes me feel like ive done something lately.

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keencollectivezombie · 7 years ago

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Midoriya Kou - character details

For a few weeks now, I was thinking about making posts in which I will describe my OCs and will add other interesting information about them. I mean, I am pretty sure that from my writing, most people didn’t gather much... so this way I want to disclose my characters to my readers. Charts will be gradually updated as I’ll write next chapters so be prepared for spoilers.

I will sometimes use links to pictures or I will mention other anime characters for you to get better idea of what I have in mind. I don’t want to post directly what people made without their consent and I am too shy to ask them for it.

Now, let’s start by my most successful OC so far: Kou from Abyss!

Introduction

Midoriya Kou is main character of my Boku no Hero Academia fanfiction named Abyss. From the name most can already guess that she is relative of protagonist from BnHA - more precisely she is his twin sister. As such they are the same age and until the end of Primary school they were always together. Before starting Junior High she moved away to their grandparent’s house and started to attend different school than her twin. However, she came back to live with her mother and twin once she finished her Junior High school.

The meaning of the name Kou I use in this fanfiction is ‘light’ and I actually do have a reason why I used this meaning (I actually have more than one, but that would spoil more than I am okay with). It is supposed to represent that in her second life she was given chance to live in ‘light’ while most of her past life was spent in ‘dark'. If she actually takes this chance fully and stays in light or if she gazed into abyss for too long to be able to stay, remains a mystery for now~.

Past life

Kou is reincarnated OC and remembers most of her past life, but as she never saw anime or read manga, she doesn’t know that she was reincarnated into anime world.

There is not much to say about her past family as she was unplanned/unwanted child and her parents didn’t really like her, but they at least took care of her basic necessities. Though they, along with other people she sometimes interacted with, cut all ties with her after she ended up in prison.

When she was 10 years old, she met Theo. Who, after short while, became her best friend and at the same time the most important person to her. She spent her next eight years pulling him out of troubles that he got himself into because of his kind and virtuous personality. However, few weeks after she turned eighteen, Theo died in her arms. Losing all her reason, she tried to kill the one responsible, only to end in jail.

Once she got out, she firstly gathered money, experience and information, moving around in darker side of the world. Once she was sure she was prepared enough, she successfully killed the person responsible for Theo’s death and then... well she just did whatever. Not really happy about living, but not wanting to die either. She worked as courier, transporting various things that are best not to be specified.

Then, she died when she was thirty after making a novice mistake and ended up being reborn. Her second chance as Midoriya Kou started!

Appearance

Because she is twin of Izuku, she is very similar to him in appearance. However, there are several differences between this pair of twins.

The first being their hair. While Kou’s hair is very curled, it isn’t to the point where it can’t be tamed. She usually makes one or two braids out of it, because she doesn’t have patience with long hair (she only let her hair grow because her mother liked it that way), but when she does let it free, it is just ‘curly’ and it doesn’t stand into all directions like her brother’s tends to. However when she combs it... she ends up resembling a poodle (she is still unaware that all she has to do, to not resemble this dog, is not comb her hair, thus she stays with braiding). Anyway, her hair is lighter than her brother’s but not by much. I’d say the color would be something like this. That’s probably all for hair. (If you can’t visualize how she looks with braids, this is pretty close to my image).

The next is that while Izuku has few freckles under his eyes, Kou’s cheeks and nose are completely sprayed with them. Her mother thinks it look cute and Kou is like ‘Meh’.

She is taller than Izuku by quite a lot in their early teen years, but by the time of High school the difference evens up a little, because of his growth spurt, however she is still taller than him by few inches.

Their face shapes and eyes are similar, though Kou looks more ‘harsh’, probably because of her ever present scowl and glare.

Personality

Calling Kou antisocial would be an understatement of a millennium. She doesn’t do ‘friendly’ stuff and for most cases she doesn’t even do ‘civil’ stuff. But to not be so harsh on her, if she is in a good mood and if the person in question didn’t offend her in any way, she can be fairly mild towards them.

However, mostly, she is just rude person who glares at everyone that aren’t part of her ‘okay group’ - into which is nearly impossible to get as that person either had to be very persistent or they have to strike her weak points (one of them being sweets).

Thus she is considered unapproachable and ‘run on sight’ person. The rumors that circulate around, labeling her as delinquent certainly don’t help with this image. She does nothing about them as; 1) she doesn’t care and 2) they are kind of true... She can’t help that she likes to fight, okay??

Her bad points don’t end here, too. She can be easily angered and is very hot-tempered when It comes to her brother. Her morals are also a little screwed because of her past life. And she sometimes seems to think very lowly of herself even if she denies such a fact.

But, in the core, she isn’t a bad person. If she sees someone in need and it won’t bring her much trouble, she is willing to help them. She would never kill a person without reason. And when she considers somebody family or friend, if someone hurts him/her, they’ll have her hot on their heels, roaring and fuming for revenge.

She can also be quite reasonable and is able to think things through if situation calls for it (and if the situation in question doesn’t involve her brother). Her realist part sometimes brings her more trouble than anything as she is easily confused when someone behaves in a way she wasn’t expecting and can even freak out if the situation suddenly goes beyond her understanding and control.

She has soft spots for animals and sometimes for kids, if they aren’t annoying brats and can do killing puppy-dog eyes.

Kou can also be pretty stubborn when she sets her mind onto something - it can be viewed as good trait in some cases.

Relationships

Family Her family consists of her, her twin brother and mother. Father isn’t around for most of time because of ‘mysterious reasons’. After twins reached one year this little family was extended after their grandparents were introduced. Her mother is supposed to have an older sister, but her aunty still didn’t make an appearance.

Midoriya Izuku (Kou either calls him Izuku or otouto) She has best relationship with her brother as she decided early on that he will be her most important person in this new life. However, still remembering what happened to Theo (and seeing so much of him in Izuku), she ended up doting on her brother and being very protective of him. To the point where it was unbearable for him and he ended up ‘blowing up’ after bottling everything for some time. Even if she decided to move away for Junior High, their relationship didn’t worsen and she is still in ‘doting’ mode whenever they call/text each other. She tries to restrain herself a bit, however.

Midoriya Inko (called mom) Her relationship with her mom is very easy-going and pleasant. She loves her mother very much, but while she does see Inko as her mother, she can’t bring herself to depend on her the way child should, because she is mentally older than her. Inko is aware that the older of twins is different in many ways, but is very understanding and doesn’t force her to behave like normal kid, instead she accepts that her daughter is just special. She is sometimes sad that she isn’t depended on more, but all the more she treasures those rare times she can help her with something (for example how to use quirk).

Midoriya Aihi (called granny) Their start was pretty rocky as granny was mean to Inko and that wasn’t something Kou could stand. In the end, it turns out that Aihi is even more socially inept than Kou (and that’s quite a feat). Their relationship now is quite good as they share their love for drawing and as fellow unsociable individual, Aihi could be quite understanding at times. However Kou’s grandma is also very traditional woman and is easily displeased when Kou behaves ’unlady-like’. She started to teach proper manners to Kou from very young age to nurture a proper lady out of her, but as of now she gave up. Instead she changed her lessons as is now trying to make a good housewife out of Kou.

Midoriya Manabu (called grandpa) Not much I can really say about their relationship as he spends most of time with Izuku (he always wanted a son). He is kind to her and doesn’t ignore her and when they talk with each other it’s enjoyable for both, but they don’t have any need to seek each other all the time when they are in the same house.

Midoriya Hisashi (called father) He dosn’t spent a lot of time with his family as his work is pretty time consuming and also if his relation to them were to be known, they could be put into danger. Kou has neutral feelings towards him (though she is pretty peeved that he left his wife like that) as she can’t really guess his reason for not being with his family (and still sending money). She always have near her bed the cat keychain he gave her (Izuku got one, too), though.

Friends As I said before, Kou isn’t very friendly individual. One can even wonder why would someone want to be her friend, but surprisingly she has quite a lot of friends??? As of now, her friends include: Akaguro Chizome, Bakugo Katsuki, Ashido Mina, Shiozaki Ibara. And next chapter one other person will appear...

Akaguro Chizome (usually rudely called ‘Chizome’) More known to readers as ‘Stain’. Yes, I did this. Anyway what I want people to know first, is the fact that they met each other when Chizome was still very young and ‘unstained’ (heh... unstained... stain... get it?) by killing. In canon he would have already started to train his body few months before his parents died and their deaths would only cement the idea of killing (at least I am going with this reasoning, his past is very vague). But, he is different in this FF. He met Kou and while some may see what she did for him as ‘small things’, even those small things could make big differences. Anyway, so, he sees her like weird little girl that he can’t help but to be fond of and I suppose he sees her sorta like his little sister. And Kou? Well she is just like ‘Meh, I suppose now it’s too late to erase him completely from my life. He is here to stay I guess.’ But secretly she totally likes him (not in romantic way, mind you).

Bakugo Katsuki (nicknamed ‘shorty’ by Kou, sometimes called Katsuki) Hah. I personally very enjoy their relationship. They started as enemies/rivals/nemesis whatever you want to call them. They fought each other every time they met and Izuku was just standing there, in the middle (as Katsuki’s best friend and Kou’s twin), slowly developing a ‘totally done with your sh*t’ attitude. As time went, they somehow became friends and the number of fights lessened (mainly because Katsuki interacted with too much damn brats in kindergarten and she would never go near those kinds of crowds. Never again). As Kou took it upon her to reduce Katsuki’s ego every time she met him, he grew up to be different from canon. He is more closer to Izuku than he was in anime/manga and he is also a lot calmer (though with Kou being away from three years, he will probably become a little wild). He is more like the Katsuki in later chapters of manga. More serious, mature and well... certainly not a bully. Doesn’t mean he isn’t loud, arrogant, swearing brat, though - I don’t want to take this from him, he is very interesting character in canon, if he just wasn’t such a bully... Well anyway. Some people (read most) think that just because Kou won’t be here for a while, he will start to bully Izuku and be overall shit he was in canon. Nope. Not happening. I love Katsuki I made in my fanfiction, thank you very much. He will become even more violent and loud, though...

Ashido Mina (called Mina) The newest addition into a gang and simultaneously the strangest one. She abruptly appeared, confused the hell out of our poor Kou, somehow managed to push her into socializing and then squeezed out a promise of meeting everyday during lunch break out of Kou. All of this in only few minutes. Scary girl. Even I, as an author, was surprised by her sudden appearance. She just pushed herself into my fanfiction. Very scary girl indeed. Ah well, anyway, her actions remains a mystery to all residents of Earth. She is future BFF of Kou.

Shiozaki Ibara (called Ibara) I needed someone to pair up with Kou for school things in Primary school and also for Kou to not look so unsociable... heh. And well, Ibara just happened to be that person. I don’t have their relationship fleshed enough as I came over the primary days pretty fast. I can only say that while they are sort of friends, they aren’t close... The both have more important friends.

Kirishima Eijiro (called Eijiro) Their relationship is difficult to explain as she doesn’t want to do anything with him as she thinks of him as ‘weird’ and all he wants is to be friends with this ‘girl with manly heart’. Also he kind of has a small crush on her which creeps Kou out even more and makes Mina laugh her ass off.

Love interests Ah well, this is added because I know some will want to know this in the future (or already want). So just saying this now: This fanfiction will probably be without any romance. I can make small ‘teases’ or crack pairings and probably some fluff, but there will be no actual romance. The thing is, I see Kou as aromantic person as while she can have platonic feelings. she can’t be romantically interested in anyone. There is also this thing that she is mostly 30+ years older than her peers (or at least her mind is) and is very much aware of it. So yeah, probably no romance.

Special traits

Quirk Kou inherited her mom’s quirk - attraction. However while Inko can only attract smaller, lighter object, Kou is capable to attract heavier objects. As long as they are lighter than her she is able to attract them towards her (though heavier object are harder to attract). Also, when the object is heavier than her, she is instead the one pulled towards it, though the landing is very uncomfortable and she has problems landing on her legs. Kou likes to experiment with her quirk, so she is capable to do a lot of things with it now - she can attract things to her so fast untrained eye can’t catch it or on the other side she can make it go to her so slowly that it nearly looks like it isn’t moving. She can also pull people towards her, but only if they are lighter than her (it’s the reason why she makes sure to weight more than Izuku - she wants to always have the possibility of having him near her). She never tried to attract towards heavier people - the collision would surely be painful. She also likes to attract pointy things to her randomly - certainly doesn’t help her image, as anyone can guess.

Fighting style In her past life Kou used to fight a lot and she still retails memories of her fighting style, though she had to alter it a little because her current body doesn’t have and probably would never have, as much strength as her past had. She usually hits the most vulnerable and painful areas to quickly immobilize the person she fights, using her smaller and usually more flexible body to attack from directions other party isn’t expecting. This style requires her to know human body quite well - she doesn’t regret all those long weeks spent on remembering each part of a body, it was quite satisfying to know more about one subject than most people. She is currently trying to incorporate her quirk into her style, too, and it is going quite well - others don’t expect things to fly at them from different directions when they fight someone. She also doesn’t mind playing dirty - spitting, biting, targeting crotch isn’t above her. Both Katsuki and Chizome were unfortunate enough to learn this first hand. While she was quite skilled in using knifes in past - she didn’t really had any chance to use knife in her new life as for her, using knife means she wants to kill the other person. She, however, always has pocket knife on her. Just in case.

Likes & Dislikes & Hobbies

Likes She likes to eat sweet things. A lot. It’s practically the only thing she spends her pocket money on. Strawberry flavored ones are best, but others are cool, too. She likes every person in her ‘okay group’, her family and her cat named ‘Miss Cat’ (Did I already mentioned that she has the worst naming sense? No? Well then, I am saying it now). Her new homeroom teacher is okay. Every type of vehicle is cool to her, but cars and motorcycles the most. She enjoys driving, but altering them and rummaging through them is fun too. Her favorite subjects in school are English, Physical Education, Art and Physic. She surprisingly finds Math okay in this life, maybe because she never paid proper attention to it in past life. She likes to wear comfortable clothes, that don't restrict her movements.

Dislikes She dislikes vegetables, but she eats them without protesting. Though she very much refuses to even touch broccoli. She doesn’t like practically everyone that aren’t in her ‘okay group’. But there are some specific groups of people she very much dislike with all her being. Those being bullies, people who annoy her deliberately, people who make fun of her brother and... her Primary homeroom teacher - she deserves her own group. Her most hated school subjects are Japanese language, Biology (only because of her Primary homeroom teacher), History and Geography. And school in general is a pain in the ass for her. She refuses to wear frilly clothes and hates school uniforms with passion. Her biggest fears are angering granny and bugs. Also she isn’t a biggest fan of Grandma’s lessons.

Hobbies At the moment her hobbies include drawing (she enjoys drawing mangas), teasing Katsuki, fighting with random thugs, thinking up the most vicious revenges, hiding in a restroom and talking with her brother. Also as of last chapter her hobbies include engineering.

#bnha #boku no hero academia #boku no hero oc #SIOC #Midoriya Kou #abyss #fanfiction #my hero academia #bnha fanfiction #my OC #my fanfiction #characters details

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