#but for this campaign a weird mix of 1 + 2 that turns into 3 is whats happening. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

witchofthesouls · 2 months ago

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Ayoooooo, Primeval Anon here, to respond to your response (don't worry too much about how long you took to answer, it was worth the wait)!

Omfg, you had me hooked in when you mentioned Bloodborne-influenced lore. I love the hell out of Bloodborne, and just in general From Software's Dark Fantasy settings. And I love that premise. It definitely fits in with the Quintessons clearly aquatically-influenced nature.

I also enjoy the idea of the Primes balancing each other out with their different natures. As well as the idea that the Quintessons kinda... cannibalized him... fucking gnarly lol.

Just imagine, post-occupation, there's these series skirmishes, perhaps even smaller-scale wars, between the og Prime worshipping groups and the the emerging sects of Quintesson-influenced cultists. Something like

Priest from Kaon: For it is said that in his wisdom, Megatronus- Priest from [SETTLEMENT NAME REDACTED]: You mean Mortilus? Priest from Kaon: :| *The settlement of [NAME REDACTED] was procedurally, systematically decimated in their war with the Kaonites*

Now, I don't know about other continuities they've featured in, like Aligned, but in G1 they definitely had some sort of caste system. Only ranking I can immediately think of are the "Judges", which would be the ones people generally think of when it comes to the Quintessons, there were a few other variants if I'm remembering it right. There was a video that I saw that talked about this, I'll have to go and re-watch it.

Anyways yeah, maybe the castes are made up of different sub-species within the Quintessons genus? And then under them come the Sharkticons and Allicons (Those weird croc-like dudes who nab Kup and Hotrod after they end up on Quintessa). Maybe they were at one point Cybertronian Wilders who were abducted by the Quintessons during the occupation and, through a mix of selective breeding and genetic modification, were able to turn them in their own obedient, self-replenishing army, that whenever the Quintessons aren't enacting some campaign of destruction or conquest, just kinda vibe in the oceans of Quintessa alongside the local fauna of the planet.

Y'know... now that I think about it, since the Quintessons would clearly inherit Quintus' unhinged daydreamer work ethic, do you think they'd also fuck with the wildlife of their homeworld, perhaps even the planet itself??? Gods, I hate how the Quintessons are so underdeveloped because they exist in the same universe as the Transformers.

Yeah, I'm really disappointed how the Quintessons as a whole are really underutilized as characters and background lore.

I mean, the shit is right there!

Me, if given the chance to sit down with a new Transformers team to talk about leveraging the connection between Cybertron, Earth, and Quintessa with supernatural elements:

Personally, I'm more of the "Quintessons fucked with their own planet" camp. Don't get me wrong, the Quintessons had established a massive empire to command resources, including bodies, but the Allicons and Sharkticons seem to be directly from Quintessa. Both fit the aquatic theme going on. Plus, sharks are natural predators of cephalopods and attack injured or sick whales (another predator of squids). While alligators don't usually eat cephalopods, they are an apex predator that does go on land and will eat just about anything. Soooo, easy clean up as well as population control on campaign?

I totally believe it's within character for the highest castes of Quintessons to be cyborgs/techno-organic instead of full mechanoid because of certain kinds of resistances and the way they control their fully mechanical populations. And they would totally be in genetic modification, selective breeding, and terraforming as a whole because 1) absolute control, 2) meshes Quintus' own special interests with the Quintessons' military and economic might, and 3) sustainability, what's that!?

The last point is the kicker because it's what really cements their own origins via Quintus Prime. That particular Prime truly believed that life should flourish at all costs. The problem? Environments can only support so much before nature sets up its own checks and balances, or the entire thing ends up collapsing.

Well, Quintus bypassed nature's complex and fragile systems and would have shown his organic creations how to overcome their own limitations: biological, physical, and environmental. He's like the guy that would successfully crossbreed potato and kudzu because the resulting crop would feed millions upon millions... at the astronomical cost of arable land, soil health, decline of biodiversity, and property management due to accumulated damages.

Quintus doesn't worry about that because it's part of the process! He's collecting data for future reference and starts working on fertilizers to support the crossbreeds immense nutritional demands, animal husbandry so herbivores can chomp down on the remains, and construction materials/architectural designs resistant to plant growth damage.

Quintus, you crazy scientist of a dreamer, that's not the fucking point!

So yeah, because Quintus didn't have his siblings to kick his ass about sustainable measures (because everything from medicinal to food to construction had to come some somewhere), Quintessa got overharvested or destroyed. Because of the immense deprivation, Quintessons went colonial on their planetary neighbors. Because they succeeded with their neighbors and never thought to change their way of life because of yummy resources, they went on campaign into distant systems where they cut their teeth against mechanical species and subjugated them.

And because the If You Give a Mouse a Cookie pattern would take way too long to get to my point: the Quintessons literally built their way to conquered Cybertron, fuck that planet and its indigenous people and fauna over in the spectacular fashion they did to Quintessa, got kicked off as their empire almost collapsed, but literally had a direct hand to the civil war between Autobots and Decepticons that lead to the final stand off on Earth.

(Funny enough, the civil war was on a scale so massive that it encompassed galaxies and disrupted the current rendition of the Quintesson Pan Galactic Co-Prosperity Sphere. They literally built the greatest threats to their own empires. Who would have thought?!)

Religious tensions after the Quintessons been kicked off would have been an interesting direction to explore. Even life during the occupation as the Thirteen would have been symbols of rebellion versus the Quintessons' rabid methods to obfuscate their own origins as well as tactics to break the cultural roots and ties of new subjugated planets.

Because old names become illegal, new epitaphs or names are given to undermine the regime and eventually become the new cultural practice. Then, there's the cultural blend between the natives and the colonial powers as well as the generations purposely raised in a certain cultural mindset. Since the Quintessons took control of the Well, it's a safe bet that they also took control of the institutional pillars of the society: religion, science, and law.

Primes are still titanic figures on post-occupation Cybertron, so perhaps Quintessons had only limited success in destroying mythic tales and religious traditions. Because the newer generations took on the Quintessons' distaste towards beasts and untouched nature as well as kept Quintessons' way of social hierarchy that they knew.

Quintessons emphasized function as Cybertronians (and other mechanoids) are machines compared to them. All machines have certain functions, no? Some machines are meant for certain roles, no? Machines are only capable as much as programmed, but Quintessons are far more advanced because they overcame their limitations with their own creative endeavors!

Quintessons basically treated Cybertronians as living appliances, gadgets, and animals. To them, a Cybertronian was a more fun and dynamic Siri or Alexa than a real person. Sure, a Quint could bond and form an emotional attachment, but it's still not truly 'alive.' And they codified that into their own laws.

Basically, Quintessons would have been okay with Prima and his Guiding Hand. They would have propped up his specific actions on how civilization should be (cement more tensions between city-states and Wilder tribes and unregulated environmental policies), switch up or change key mythology (Prima and Megatronus being split-spark twins that rule together into Prima being the sole Sun and Megatronus becoming a late brother that became the Great Evil that became jealous of the Sun and destroyed Life.), and straight up destroyed or damaged historic and culturally significant items and practices that deem it otherwise (the Well of Allsparks; removing the golden horns of fully-trained doctors that pay tribute to Liege Maximo's ties to medicine; the removal of various sigils of specific Primes and associated groupings, Onyx's Mask removed from stages as it functioned as Comedy and Tragedy masks).

#ask #primeval anon #cybertronian culture #transformers #transformers prime #tfp #quintessons #quintus prime #gods and goddesses #tf headcanons #my thoughts #my writing #maccadam #research is a really fascinating because of the power dynamics between individuals and investors; institutions and governments #as well as the careful balance between the benefits to a whole versus ethnics #just because we hypothetical could that doesnt mean we should #otherwise it will be another starring episode of the Twilight Zone #basically all im saying the immense economic power the Quintessons had goes hand in hand with really unethical science #think of the Quintessons of Renaissance meeting Enlightenment meeting Social Darwinism #im really emphasizing roles and functions because the canon bots really brought that up #plus “Primes dont party” line strikes me as that Optimus is careful to behave a certain kind of way #which is a sad and natural extension of his precarious position in the Archives

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bad268 · 1 year ago

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Dream (Sebastian Montoya X Reader)

Fandom: RPF/Formula 2/3

Requested: Day 1 of Writing Inktober prompts instead of drawing!

Warnings: none.

Pronouns: First person (I/me)

W.C. 386

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

Writing Inktober 2023 Materlist

~~(^Google/Redbull announcement)

It’s been years since I was in the paddock. It was weird being back after so long. I almost missed it, but it also brought back a lot of memories.

The promotion videos I made with Gabriele, stupid challenges with Gabriel, pranking the engineers with Dino, and antagonizing other drivers with Sebas. It was so fun racing with Sebas in F4 since I raced him in karts. We practically grew up together and we were the best tag team. All of those memories brought a smile to my face.

And then I remembered why I couldn’t be with him anymore. The last time I was on any track was at Valleluga 2020 during my Italian F4 campaign. That race, unfortunately, led to my immediate and untimely retirement from motorsports. The rain mixed with the need to finish in the points was not a good mix, and I was paying the price.

Now, I got a position with my old racing team, Prema, as a photographer, and today was my first day back on a track since the accident.

I had just finished up taking promotional pictures of Ollie and Fred after their qualifying session, and I was on my way to the F3 paddock to do the same with Dino, Paul, and Zak. I did not make it that far into the pitlane before someone was shouting my name.

“Y/n?” They yelled from one of the garages. I turned around to see who it was, and I was met with a Redbull race suit. He hadn’t changed a bit. “This is a dream. There’s no way you’d be back on the track.”

“No, you’re not dreaming! I’m here in the flesh. I gotta pay for my medical bills somehow, Sebas,” I laughed, pulling him in for a hug. I immediately retracted, feeling the coldness of the suit. “Why are you still in your suit and why is it wet?”

“I’m taking pictures with Dino and Gabriele since we qualified together,” He started explaining. “It’s wet because the team dumped water on Gabriele and me.”

“Ah, I’m so happy you guys are all doing good!” I exclaimed. “I saw that Gabriel is winning the championship now too. I’m glad you guys are fulfilling your dreams.”

“And now, you’re here with us! You’re not leaving anytime soon.”

~~~~~

#sebastian montoya x reader #writing inktober 2023 #bad268 #sebastian montoya #formula 3 #f3 #thing268 #ship268

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saltylittlecreature · 4 months ago

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Dc20 Homebrew

So, I noticed a distinct lack of homebrew monsters for Dc20. As a result, I have decided to post some of the state blocks I've made for my campaign (If one of my players is reading this, Be GONE and please don't read this, less ye get spoiled). There will also be some flavor text for all of them. So keep this in mind.

GOBLINS

Goblin tactics: Due to them often being the most acceptable humanoids to do weird genetic and magic experiments on, they have a lot of weird neashes. However, they are shockingly adaptable as a result. Some goblins develop new features in a matter of weeks if the pressure is great enough (And they survive said presser). So, they often try to work together and play off one another. “A goblin alone is a goblin who’s boned” is a saying of theirs that sums up their mentality well enough.

Goblin Loot: Although you can find the normal loot of gear and clothes, if you’re willing to ignore the moral implications of chopping up a sentient creature, there’s plenty you can do with them. For example, their body parts and organs can replace any alchemy ingredient that would be from another humanoid, along with fermenting them you can get some special properties. Like the heart added to a healing potion and enhances it, their bones can be used to help make buffs last longer, the stomach and intestines can lengthen the effect of the ingredients, the brain can even help increase manna reserves. All this, with the catch that all goblins have become slightly poisonous to eat, which can cause hallucinations if eaten in large amounts. Although, others can cook up goblin meat in a grill to craft a delectable goblin flayed stack, tasting like steak mixed with parsley and pork. This is also the excuse of why some countries are classified as plants (Mostly so they can still be harvested). Other goblins have more specialized objects though.

State blocks are listed below.

Goblin (Small)

3 HP | 5 PD | 0 MD | 5 MS

Mig 0 | Agi 4 | Int -1 | Cha 0

4 Space Jump

Actions: 2

•(1) battle scratch: The goblin chooses a target and can deal +1 extra damage to.

•(1) Claw: +3 to hit (deals 1 slashing damage)

•(1) Acid bite: deal 2 acid damage when biting people (Range of 1 squats)

•(2) run away: 4 spaces away, but all damage dealt to you is doubled.

•(2) Gracious gratitude: They have advantage on dodging attacks directed at it, by giving rolling Agility to use another nearby Parachute Goblin as a meat shield (A Agility check is made on their part, a 10 or higher and they split the damage with the goblin they pulled in front of them).

Cannonball Goblin (Small)

Goblins are strange beings often experimented on in the early days, with these goblins being known to produce an armadillo-like shell along their back. These plates give it extra natural armor and can be used as a bowl if scalped off of them. Alongside that, their interior gas bladder can act as a large-term gas grenade, alongside that gas being able to adapt to any element. Meaning they can be repurposed with fire, frost, electric, poison, holy/unholy, and if you have the right additives, good old-fashioned suffocation damage. Without these additives, these organs act as grenades that deal force damage.

4 HP | 10 PD | 0 MD | 5 MS

Mig 0 | Agi 4 | Int -1 | Cha 0

4 Space Jump

Actions: 3

•(0) Flammable cargo: they take double damage from fire, and will explode 1 tile around this goblin’s surrounding it, dealing 3 force damage.

•(1) battle yelp: The goblin chooses a target and can deal +1 extra damage to that creature when they’re thrown at that creature.

•(1) Claw: +2 to hit (deals 1 slashing damage)

•(1) Acid bite: deal 2 acid damage when biting people (Range of 1 squats)

•(1) ball form: this form allows them to go from a medium to a small creature. Able to roll 8 squats per turn, and receive a +5 to their PD. They can’t attack in this form, but can exit it using an action.

•(1) yeet: They can immediately shift into ball form, and be picked up and thrown by another creature ( 5+Might spaces away,). If it hits a player, it deals 2 blunt damage.

Extremely Bloodied actions

•(0) bomb body: They can choose to explode, dealing 1 force damage to those one space away from them.

Gunpowder Goblin (Small)

Regular goblins armed with the power of gunpowder and explosives. Often developing after the goblins find explosive materials, often signified by a period of explosions.

3 HP | 5 PD | 0 MD | 5 MS

Mig 0 | Agi 4 | Int -1 | Cha 0

5 Space Jump

Actions: 2

•(0) Flammable cargo: they take double damage from fire, and will explode all surrounding tiles around it, dealing 3 force damage.

•(1) battle scratch: The goblin chooses a target and can deal +1 extra damage to.

•(1) Claw: +3 to hit (deals 1 slashing damage)

•(1) Acid bite: deal 2 acid damage when biting people (Range of 1 squats)

•(2) run toward the danger: 12 spaces towards any hostile target.

•(2) Gunpowder lads: 3 times a day, these goblins can have the ability to either throw an explosive 2+might spaces away from them, or give a willing creature that ability to use once. The explosive will deal 2 force damage

Parachute Goblin.(Small)

Goblins who've gotten an idea of how to fall slower without using spells. This has caused them to be fairly reliable for harvesting cloth, or the average goblin loot.

3 HP | 5 PD | 0 MD | 5 MS

Mig 0 | Agi 4 | Int -1 | Cha 0

4 Space Jump

Actions: 2

•(1) battle scratch: The goblin chooses a target and can deal +1 extra damage to.

•(1) Claw: +3 to hit (deals 1 slashing damage)

•(1) Acid bite: deal 2 acid damage when biting people (Range of 1 squats)

•(1) Viva la Parachute: They can be picked up and thrown by another creature ( 6+Might spaces away, or a catapult, or being launched out of a cannon at the cost of 1 force damage). They glide in the direction of where they were launched, veering off if there is wind or some other factor. They could end up in an optimal position, but are more likely to be blown off into the ocean or caught in a tree.

Bloody effect

Windcaller Goblin.(Small)

Traditional roles in the goblin societies. They’re experts in their magics and very much seen as helpful for keeping certain meats and materials cold and assisting in hunting. Their bones seem to have bits of that magic within them, their eyes and finger bones specifically. Able to even keep potions longer.

3 HP | 5 PD | 0 MD | 5 MS

Mig 0 | Agi 4 | Int -1 | Cha 0

4 Space Jump

Manna points:12

Ammo: 12 crossbow bolts

Actions: 3

•(1) battle scratch: The goblin chooses a target and can deal +1 extra damage to.

•(1) Claw: +3 to hit (deals 1 slashing damage)

1) Acid bite: deal 2 acid damage when biting people (Range of 1 squats)

•(•(1) Crossbow: The windcaller can fire a cross bolt out of their crossbow for 12 squares, dealing 3 piercing damage.

•(2) run away: 6 spaces away, but all damage dealt to you is doubled.

Magic stuff

•(1) Wind caller: for 1 Ap and 1 MP, the windcaller goblin controls the winds and the direction. If a creature is caught in the gust, they must make an Agility saving throw of 16 or higher. If they fail, they move 4 spaces in a direction of this goblin’s choosing.

•(1) Wind rush: At the cost of 1 Ap and 2 Mp, the windcaller goblin can choose a willing friendly creature (Including themself) to be able to move 2 spaces every movement, until the windcaller’s next turn. This sprint can let creatures run across and over gaps, unless the creature ends its movement on a gap, then they’ll fall through it.

•(1) Wind lift: At the cost of 1 Ap and 3 Mp, this creature can make willing creatures to fly at the cost of concentration on the part of the windcaller.

•(1) Wind arrow: At the cost of 1Ap and 1Mp, The windcaller goblin can add a +1 to a hit. It can spend 1Mp, they can add another +1 to that hit.

Flock Master Goblin (Small)

A traditional role in goblin society, who often to take care of hunting birds and occasionally a keeper of domestic birds. They’re actually known to be rather friendly when out of combat. With them frequently doubling as scouts for their clan

4 HP | 4 PD | 0 MD | 5 MS

Mig 0 | Agi 4 | Int -1 | Cha 0

4 Space Jump

Stamina: 4

Actions: 3

•(0) FLock tactics: The flock master goblin regain 1 SP when they Hit a Flanked target or one that is

affected by a Condition.

•(1) Maneuver the flock: decrease a target’s PD by -2 at the cost of 1 Sp. Increase this effect by -1 PD at the cost of another 1 Sp.

•(1) battle scratch: The goblin chooses a target and can deal +1 extra damage to.

•(1) Claw: +3 to hit (deals 1 slashing damage).

•(1) Acid bite: deal 2 acid damage when biting people (Range of 1 squats).

•(1) Flock of fellows: Making use of a swarm of birds to attack and defend, Using a flock of birds, this goblin can use the trained flock of birds to do many actions:

• To the skies: At the cost of 1Ap and 1Sp, hover 5 ft off the ground using the flock

•Defend the Flock Master: At the cost of 1Ap and 2Sp, As a reaction, they can demand the flock to defend them. Letting the goblin flock master gain +2 to PD. Along with dealing 1 piercing damage to those who fail to make a malay hit.

•Wrath of the flock: At the cost of 1Ap and 3Sp, reach 5 squares from the flock master, dealing up to 4 damage, which they can distribute amongst the area as they see fit.

•Regather flock: At the cost of 2 Ap, regain 1 Sp to your stamina pool.

Mineral Juggernaut Goblin (Small)

Goblins who’ve grown massive pillars of ores over their hands and elbows. Often losing some marbles along the way. They are strong and dangerous enough to be considered outcasts by many clans. Others consider them more of a twisted blessing. As for their harvest from them. Their arms make incredible war hammerheads or just supplies of easily enchantable minerals. Alongside their meat and bones have special reinforcing properties that relate to enchanting armor.

8 HP | 7 PD | 0 MD | 5 MS

Mig +4 | Agi 0 | Int -1 | Cha -1

4 Space Jump

Stamina: 4

Actions: 3

•(0) Earthy gob: When they’re used as a meat shield against piercing or slashing attacks, the goblins have +2 to their physical defense, however, the attacker has an advantage on attacks if they’re using bludgeoning damage.

•(0) Juggernaut: When you score a Heavy Hit or Critical Hit against a creature, or one is scored against you, you regain 1 SP.

•(1) Rage: You can spend 1 AP and 1 SP to enter a Rage for 1 minute. While Raging you gain Resistance to Physical damage but your Physical Defense is decreased by 5. Additionally, you deal an additional +1 damage with all Melee Martial Attacks and have ADV on all Might Checks and Saves.

•(1) battle Rawr: The goblin can rawr to make all nearby goblins have advantage on hits.

•(1) Club hands: Reach of 2 squats, and deals 2 bludgeoning damage

•(1) Acid bite: deal 2 acid damage when biting people (Range of 1 squats)

•(2) run away: 4 spaces away, but all damage dealt to you is doubled.

•(3) Lung attack: at the cost of 3Ap and 1Sp, Any direction in three spaces, the Mineral Juggernaut Goblin can leap towards a target. Dealing 3 damage to anyone they hit along the way.

•(3)Ground pound: At the cost of 3Ap and 1Sp, The Mineral Juggernaut goblin makes a lunge attack, when they land, any creature within 2 squats must make an Agility check of 10 or higher, if they fail, they’re knocked prone and take 3 damage. If they succeed, they can choose whether to take the damage or fall prone.

Pyrotechnik Goblin (Small)

Armed with explosives, fire, and a knack for leaving things in more pieces than they found it. With their landmines are 100% lootable off their bodies. As long as they don’t use them all that is.

4 HP | 5 PD | 8 MD | 5 MS

Mig 0 | Agi 4 | Int -1 | Cha 0

Mines:10

Actions: 3

•(0) Gracious fire-shield: If they’re used as a meat shield by another creature against a fire or force attack, they’ll take half damage from the fore attack.

•(0) Fiery cargo: they take double damage from fire, and will explode all surrounding tiles around it, dealing 3 Fire damage.

•(1) battle scratch: The goblin chooses a target and can deal +1 extra damage to.

•(1) Claw: +3 to hit (deals 1 slashing damage)

•(1) Acid bite: deal 2 acid damage when biting people (Range of 1 squats)

•(1) Mine work: At the cost of 1Ap and 1 mine, they can do one of the following:

•Through: A range of 4 spaces, and deal 2 fire damage to whoever they hit

•Bomb bounce: Throw down a mine and use it to bounce up, up to 6 squares, at the cost of taking 1 fire damage.

•Bomb trape: Lay a mine down as a trape, and can remote detonate them from 10 squares away using 1 action point. The exploding mine deals 2 fire damage.

•(2) run away: 4 spaces away, but all damage dealt to you is doubled.

Bloody abilities

•(0) Out for fire and blood: Anyone on fire or being bloody can take extra damage from attacks against Pyromaniacs

•(2) Fire and fear: Using 2 Ap, 1hp and 3 Mines, the pyromaniac goblin can choose to make another creature be treated as if they were bloody.

•(3) Out on their terms: They can choose to explode, dealing 2 fire damage to those 2 spaces away from them. Each mine they have remaining will increase the distance by 1 space. Those who somehow survive it, may gain the attention and become a Scorched Goblin priest after “a bit”.

Earth-shaper Goblin. (Small)

A goblin whose upbringing gave it the advantage of Magicly being able to control stone. Along with being a traditional role in goblin societies. They are known to help with the construction of walls and structures. Their bones are valuable for enhancing rocks and can actually repair anything made of rocks. Along with restoring metals. Any earth-related spells can be cast using these bones instead of manna points. Their staff also has some special properties, mostly if someone uses many with it, they can use the earth goblin’s spells with an extra 1 Mp cost to all spells. This will last for 2 days before it just becomes a regular stick (Unless an earth-shaper goblin refreshes it by holding it for six hours).

4 HP | 8 PD | 0 MD | 5 MS

Mig 0 | Agi 4 | Int -1 | Cha 0

4 Space Jump

Manna: 7

Actions: 2

•(0) Tasty rock: They can eat ores and rocks to regain health, and for nourishment in general.

•(1) battle scratch: The goblin chooses a target and can deal +1 extra damage to.

•(1) Claw: +3 to hit (deals 1 slashing damage)

•(1) Acid bite: deal 2 acid damage when biting people (Range of 1 squats)

•(1) Earthy wall: At the cost of 1Ap and 2Mp, they can choose a row of five connected spaces to create a wall of earth. Often being used to block off areas, make cover for themselves and allies, or create corners.

•(1) Earthy bomb piller: At the cost of 1Ap and 2Mp, They can raise a piller of stone that vibrates and has a faint orange glow. After one turn, it explodes dealing 2 bludgeoning damage to anyone in 2 spaces of it. Freeing that space.

•(1) Rock up: At the cost of 1 Ap and 1 Mp, the earth shaper can raise some earth from the ground, and fire a stone up to 12 squats to deal 2 bludgeoning damage.

•(2) run away: 4 spaces away, but all damage dealt to you is doubled.

•(2) Gracious gratitude: They have an advantage on dodging attacks directed at it, by giving rolling Agility to use another nearby Parachute Goblin as a meat shield (A Agility check is made on their part, a 10 or higher and they split the damage with the goblin they pulled in front of them).

Scorched Goblin priest. (Small)

Goblins on the edge of zealotry armed with explosives, fire, and a knack for leaving things in more pieces than they found it. Often the survivors of great burns, they have special abilities based off of what fire god they’re obsessing over (Damon grants their flame the ability to raise corpses lit on fire and treat them like their mines, including making them explode. The one to the “phoenix of destruction” grants them wings and the ability to carpet bomb rows of spaces, and those who follow a certain sun god start throwing fisticuffs and get some stat boats and are more aggressive. These are only some examples). As for what can be harvested by them, it’s some of the more special items you can collect from a humanoid creature. Their bones, when grounded down, can be incredibly useful in replacement for Mp for fire or holy/unholy spells. Alongside some followers of the gods consider their body parts as holy relics. Next is their skin, which when turned to leather can be resistant to holy/unholy damage. Meanwhile, their blood is known to be really good for paints. Regular paintings, they allow for very fire-resistant paint, alongside some using it as war paints that grant its wearer resistance against the fire the blood once produced.

10 HP | 8 PD | 5 MD | 5 MS

Mig 0 | Agi 4 | Int +1 | Cha +2

Mines:15

Manna points:10

Actions: 4

•(0) Out for fire and blood: Anyone on fire or being bloody can take extra damage from attacks against Pyromaniacs

•(0) fire in the blood: They are immune to fire damage from their own attacks

•(0) Gracious fireshield: If they’re used as a meat shield by another creature against a fire or force attack, they’ll take half damage from the fore attack.

•(0) Fiery cargo: they take double damage from fire, and will explode all surrounding tiles around it, dealing 3 Fire damage.

•(1) Zealot’s scratch: The goblin chooses a target and can deal +2 extra damage to. And enemies who hear it have disadvantage on saves against fire bassed attacks

•(1) Claw: +3 to hit (deals 1 slashing damage)

•(1) Acid bite: deal 2 acid damage when biting people (Range of 1 squats)

•(1) Mine work: At the cost of 1Ap and 1 mine, they can do one of the following:

•Through: A range of 4 spaces, and deal 2 fire damage to whoever they hit

•Bomb bounce: Throw down a mine and use it to bounce up, up to 6 squares, at the cost of taking 1 fire damage.

•Bomb trape: Lay a mine down as a trape, and can remote detonate them from 10 squares away using 1 action point. The exploding mine deals 2 fire damage.

•Bomb tapper: At the cost of 1Ap and 1 mine, the scorched goblin priest can take 1 damage to cause an explosion around themself for 2 spaces.

•Bomb of faith: At the cost of 1AP, 1 mine, and 2Mp, you can convert you’r fire damage into holy or unholy damage across the field.

•Bomb of taste:At the cost of 1 Ap and 3 Mines, the scorched goblin priest can seemingly drink the innards of the bomb to regain 1Mp.

•(2) Out of the pan: run 6 spaces into any fire.

Magic options:

•(1) bolt of fire: At the cost of 1Ap and 1Mp, shoot a fire bolt with a rang of 12 spaces, and deals 1 fire damage.

•(2) Fire and fury: At the cost of 2 Ap and 2Mo, in 3 spaces from the scorched goblin priest, all alie deal 1 extra fire damage to their attacks till their next turn. The Scorched goblin priest can keep this effect up, it costs 1Ap and 1Mp to keep it up.

•(3) Ring of fire: at the cost of 3Ap and 4Mp, create a 6 space wall of fire. This is often used to separate individuals. Those who pass through the fire must make an agility save. On a failure, they take 3 fire damage, on a sucksess, they take 1 fire damage. If they end their turn in a fire space, the creature takes 4 fire damage. This effect ends at the end of the scorch goblin priest’s next turn, unless they spend another 3Mp and 1Ap to keep up the effect. To increase the wall by 1 space, they must sacrifice +1Mp, this is also put on the cost of maintaining the wall.

Bloody abilities

•(0) Flesh of fire: Fire begins to escape the skin and scars of the scorched goblin priest, any creature in the same space as the scorched goblin priest will take 2 fire damage. They also may have the face of their god occasionally shift over the flames of their face.

•(1) Bound by flame: Force another creature to make a disadvantage check when near fire.

•(2) Fire and fear: Using 2 Ap, 1hp and 3 Mines, the pyromaniac goblin can choose to make another creature be treated as if they were bloody.

•(3) Out on their terms: They can choose to explode, dealing 2 fire damage to those 2 spaces away from them. Each mine they have remaining will increase the distance by 1 space. No Scorched priest has come back from this.

#Dc20 #homebrew #Goblin #State blocks

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kudamono94 · 1 year ago

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Hello everyone! As promised in my last post I made prior to the premiere of the 1st episode of the new Futurama revival, I have decided to share some of my favorite screenshots I took since watching it myself~ That said, I have seen some of these scenes already shared but I still wanted to post all of what I had taken in one place for myself just for fun, so if you see something in this post that you’ve already seen 1000 times by this point feel free to ignore lol

Tbh I’ve never tried live blogging anything before, let alone tried to edit and share screenshots I didn’t plan on keeping for myself, so I hope these turned out okay! I did my best to clean them up and crop to what I wanted, so if they don’t show up well I apologize in advance ^^;

Otherwise, if you’re interested in reading past this point, I hope you enjoy what I have to share as well as what little commentary I have to accompany my pictures :3

Okay, so just to get this out of the way first and foremost, while I have seen mixed reviews in regards to the first episode, imo I honestly thought it was pretty good! A lot of the jokes definitely landed and even had me laughing out loud, and with the easter eggs scattered throughout combined with seeing all of these characters once again, I couldn’t stop smiling at several points just because I was so happy lol

That said, while I wouldn’t say this is up there as one of my fav episodes of all time in the series overall, I say it definitely did what it set out to accomplish as far as bringing the series back after 10 years off the air in terms of animation, voice acting, etc. So to anyone that felt as if The Impossible Stream was a let down, I would recommend giving it a few episodes into the new season before coming to a solid conclusion on whether the revival lives up to the hype or not/forming a firm opinion on the new season as a whole. Again, as far as plots are concerned, this episode isn’t anywhere in my top 10 list, but at the same time, it was pretty good and served as a nice welcome back to long time fans since 2013 when Meanwhile aired, so I want to believe things will only get better from here~

Any who, with all of that out of the way, on to the screenshots:

1. First, Idk if this has been pointed out already, but since I haven’t seen anyone else post this, I thought I’d do it myself~ I honestly thought this was pretty cute lol, and considering that the new season is on a streaming service as opposed to tv (meaning that they most likely can have both the OP and ED be as long as they want without it being cut off by ad time), I hope they include new stuff like this in the OP in addition to the cartoons being displayed on the jumbo tv Leela always crashes into again :)

2. This scene right here was too cute for me~ I love these two so much, and I’m so happy to see them again :3 They just want each other to be happy, and it’s precious :3

Also Fry looks so adorable here (´◡`) Look at him!

3. I know this scene speaks for itself, but still enjoy this quote none the less :3

4. If I had a nickle for every time one of my special interests was cancelled because of corporate incompetence/bad judgement, I’d have at least 2 but it’s weird it happened twice - let alone that it happened to two shows that technically aired on the same block (I.E. adult swim, Metalocalypse I’m looking at you :( ).

And yes, I know this is prob a jab at streaming services like Netflix but I think my point still stands, you know? I wish things were different but...

5. Hey, at least we’re getting Futurama AND Metalocalypse back this year, right? I guess that’s a small victory, at least for me? Idk, the fact both these series ended back in 2013 just to be revived in the ye old year of 2023 seems like fate to me tbh, so if the latter’s direct-to-dvd film does well, here’s hoping it can get picked up on Hulu alongside Futurama so I can get back into my high school era~ In the meantime, have this which reminded me of the revival campaigns I have seen over the years dedicated to bringing these 2 wonderful shows back:

Too bad Leela’s not a Dethklok fan :(

6. I figured we’d see Calculon come back sooner or later, but I sure as hell wasn’t expecting him to return like this in the first episode no less XD That said, I’m not a huge fan of either him or the Robot Devil, but this scene was gold~

And last but not least:

Once I learn how to make good quality GIFS, this is the first scene I’m uploading as a GIF ｡^‿^｡

7. Oh! Speaking of Calculon, over these past 15+ years of my life, I had always figured he was either Bi or Pan, so alongside my ship with him and Bender potentially being given more fuel, it was nice to see the writers had the same idea :3 In this house we stan a Bi and/or Pan Calculon~

And let’s not forget about this:

Idk man, I think I might reconsider my Calculon dislike if this continues O////O Never thought I’d say that after reaching my 20s but ye, this was pretty good

Also, this scene was another gem in my opinion:

Technically, yes

Bender x Fry x Leela parallels aside, it’s always nice to see this as a multi shipper~ Keep in mind, as well, that this was originally also written BY BENDER HIMSELF, so ye, a lot to talk about another day

8. I almost choked on my drink watching this lol Looks like the old man yaoi group of Farnsworth, Hermes, and Zoidberg has trouble in paradise (this is a JOKE, pls don’t take this seriously!)

His face is priceless XD

9. Finally, I know this last scene was prob meant to be a tongue-in-cheek joke about both reboots and the writers, but at the same time all I could think of was that one quote from Fry in When Aliens Attack when Leela asked him about his script writing? Idk if it was mean to be a call back to this scene too, but was I the only one reminded of this during the end? Also, Bender sure is one to call the kettle black XD

Compare these exchanges and see what I mean:

And that’s about it tbh, so if you’ve read this far, thank you so much! As thanks, here’s some bonus screenshots of Leela and Fry being cute, and I can’t wait to post again about next week’s episode :3 Have a great day and good night~

#Futurama #Kudamono94's Texts #To everyone who decided to read this through all the way thank you so much!#I'm hoping that I will get better at this as we go along with the season #so pls bare with me lol #Also please feel free to use any of these photos if you want! Again like I said before I'm still not 100% these are all good quality but I #tried so if you see anything you like go right ahead and feel free to use as you like! Just pls give me credit if possible is all I ask ^^;#See everyone next week~

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fadebolt · 6 months ago

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Personal room ranking:

1 - Icy Monument: C01 (9/10) 2 - Five Pebbles: E07 (9/10) 3 - Shaded Citadel: GOR01 (8/10) 4 - Five Pebbles: F02 (6/10) 5 - Metropolis: station01 (6/10) 6 - Industrial Complex: B06 (6/10) 7 - Industrial Complex: B14 (6/10) 8 - Looks to the Moon: O01 (5/10) 9 - Windswept Spires: A28 (4/10) 10 - Garbage Wastes: TOWER10 (3/10)

Extra comment: Dang, E07 is not at the top? That is definitely a major surprise, if I've even seen one. While it isn't the room that leads directly into Five Pebbles' puppet chamber, it is the one where Random Gods, as well as the accompanying visuals reach their maximum intensity. This is the big overwhelming moment where the awful mental state of this iterator really hits you for the first time, the moment that most Rain World fans would consider their favorite. But I suppose most people would associate it with L01 instead, which is kind of fair, but also not quite. Thankfully, this room still racked up more than enough votes to progress, I just didn't expect it to end up second place after the somewhat frustrating (but still extremely cool and memorable) B06.

Now, what other rooms do we have to cover for this one? Well, there's a couple, starting off with the very worst TOWER10. This is definitely more on the personal, and less on the objective side of things, as the room does have a unique concept, and there really are no other rooms like it in Past Garbage Wastes. However, I also just don't find it that fun, or cohesive with the idea of what this region is supposed to be. It's kind of just an inferior Wall, with an annoyingly placed Arena unlockable that I doubt anyone will actually prioritize over the alternate placement on the other campaigns (though that is also a rather questionable one, sooo people going for the TOWER10 one might not be as unlikely as I thought).

Next there's F02, which is difficult to place, because pre-Hunter, it's great, but post-Hunter, it decides to ruin things by spawning a DLL right next to your shelter. This makes cycle starts here very frustrating as Gourmand, Survivor and Monk, as often, you'll have to wait for minutes before the Cancer Octopus decides to finally move away, so you can finally starting playing the game. On those characters, this would be a 4/10, but on Hunter/Artificer/Spearmaster, it's an 8/10, so this is a bit of a compromise ranking with some positive bias, because I love the look and layout of this place.

Finally, we have B14, which I'm somewhat mixed on, mainly because it does have an interesting and unique design, but just like with TOWER10, I don't particularly find it fun. Though I don't find it overly frustrating either, as this room hasn't given me many unfair/unavoidable deaths, thanks to the Blue Fruit section not being too enormous. I can't think of anything more to say about this place, other than how it's nice that it doesn't have spawns, and it's weird how frequently creatures end up going here anyway. But yeah, it has a cool job that it gets done relatively well, without too much fanfare.

And to close things off with a fun bonus, I couldn't just not include a Saint room, so we've got one that connects to my lovely C01, B02!

It probably wouldn't surprise you if I said that I don't find this particularly interesting, however, the idea of taking a room that has the role of 'unimportant filler', and turning it big through the usage of pipes… that's actually pretty neat, I will admit it. But the default version really doesn't have much going for it, and Saint doesn't exactly add anything either, except the option to use your grapple instead of the pipes, if you so desire. I'll give it 5/10, cus it's technically a little different, but really not in any exciting ways.

Pick Your Favorite Rain World Room, Day 236.2 R2

This is not single elimination! Every room with at least 15.0% vote will move on to the next round.

There is a hidden slugcat in one of the rooms (they can be in any color). If u can see it comment or reblog with where they are and if u are first, u get a cookie!

Credit for game screenshots goes to: Rain World Interactive Map, Rain World Wiki and me

#rain world room ranking #rain world opinions

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theregoesmylurkerstatus · 3 years ago

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SPOILERS AND ASSUMPTIONS FOR CAMPAIGN 1!

OKAY, let me start by categorising what spoilers I know as best I can, going (mostly) in chronological order AFAIK:

Clarota betrays them (VERY sad, when I first watched those first 10-ish episodes I was fully behind Keyleth’s ‘trust him’ train)

Vax loses a foot to lava and also his snake belt rip

Kima and Allura are the cool, trustworthy PCs, as is everyone’s favourite, Gilmore, a shopkeep with a black belt in karate

The dragonborn guy’s homeland gets dunked on and then later he dies offscreen

Percy’s sister is alive and betrays them but only kind of? I think? She was held captive by the Briarwoods for years and Percy thought she was dead, but she was blackmailed/brainwashed/tortured?

Vax gets cornered by the Briarwoods alone by accident (classic)

There’s a chick called Ripley who makes guns A Thing for the wider world

Something about a sun tree? It’s a creepy tree? They hallucinate their own corpses on it? Or something?

They probably kill one of the hottie vampires at the end of Percy’s arc, I think the male one? Because the lady vampire shows up later?

Percy dies in his arc and it’s the second res ritual they do, after Pike’s one pre-stream

“Take off the mask, darling.” I still don’t care about romance but I feel obligated to mention that I know that famous line

I also know the equally famous “I thought he’d never leave” bubble bath bit, ah Laura

There’s a CHROMA CONCLAVE attack right at the end of Percy’s arc, somewhere

Rashian is a dragon or something, everyone laughs at Liam for not knowing this. I know nothing else about who the Chroma conclave is (3-5 chromatic dragons??? One of each colour????) or what they want, except Vax levels up in the middle of fighting one and Keyleth yells at one

There are communication earrings. There is also a weird black powder man. Victor?

They actually have a permanent home/keep unlike the Mighty Nein?

Vex dies because Percy didn’t check for traps, this is the start of some deal of Vax’s with the Raven Queen which means he multiclasses into paladin?

Vax can fly, he can fly, he can fly!

Uhhhh there’s a couple cursed swords or something in there lol

Percy sells his soul briefly? Genius move Smart Guy lmao

Feywild??? Somehow????? They meet Artagan and make a deal with him for a doorway, and they spend an episode as cows somewhere in here?

Keyleth has Mom Trauma, I don’t know how much this will feature in the campaign

Vax and Vex’s dad suxxx or something, mother is dead

Scanlan hits on his surprise daughter and everyone screams

They have some kind of year long adventuring group break for some reason?

Keyleth makes a storm on an airship (???) and this is cool. Also she turns into a fire elemental a lot and this is also cool.

There’s a kraken fight? It goes really badly, like LEGENDARILY badly, and ngl I’m kind of looking forward to it

Scanlan #LOSESIT and has his legendary ‘what’s my mother’s name?’ rant, after which he leaves for an undetermined number of episodes and is replaced by Tary

This leads to Grog spelling C-A-T for some reason and this???? Makes people cry???????? Truly something you had to be there for

Pike tries to commission drawings of VM for Tary (who calls Vex “little elf girl” and braces for impact when Laura’s nostrils flare) and this goes Very Wrong in a funny way

Tary’s dad sucks

He writes a book

Some NPC reads said book in campaign 2, hence why I know about it

Grog has an arc to do with the other Goliaths who beat him up for defending Pike’s dad?

When Scanlan comes back he tries to sneak in, Vex chases him and he panics and casts modify memory on Vex, it fails several times, an angsty moment becomes comedic very fast

He is received with Mixed Emotions lmao

Keyleth turns into a goldfish and kills herself, this is both apparently extremely painful and extremely funny

Vax gets disintegrated and dies in a beholder fight (rip)

Gilmore is not a dragon but everyone was fully convinced he was. He also gets bodysnatched or something at some point to freak out VM, but they figure out very quickly it’s not him

Scanlan is Ioun’s chosen? Whatever that means, something to help fight Vecna I think

“It was an honour knowing you” sad! Sad! Sad line! Gilmore doesn’t understand, cheekily responds, and leaves!!!! Liam looks on the verge of tears!!!!!! SAD!!!!!

There are so many true love nat 20s. I don’t know what any of them are except that Pike has one and Ashley looks like she’s about to cry

They win the Vecna fight and Keyleth gets the HDYWDT, Scanlan wanted to save a Wish spell for Vax but couldn’t, so he stays dead

Everyone cries here but at least the rest of the party is okay

Keyleth is the last woman standing and everyone cries at this too

And then Grog uses the deck of many things, spawning two oneshots to clean up his mess

Also somewhere in here Vex steals a broom from a guest (lol)

Assumptions!!!!!

More tears than campaign 2 I think, since there are at least two resurrection rituals we see on screen that I know of

The fights might be more stressful since they’re higher level?

Scanlan is going to be the most sexual and lewd character because he is played by Sam

Vex is going to be the second most sexual and lewd character because she is played by Laura

Vax will still instigate most of the one-on-ones so Liam can have as many heavy conversations as his theatre kid’s heart desires

Keyleth will try and fail to make the group more moral

Pike will not try to be moral at all despite being four feet of blessed armour and adorable hair

I think other characters try to make Percy feel remorse for Murder Reasons, but I suspect he’s not going to feel that guilty (I will likely support him in murderous endeavours unless they are FAR more messed up than I currently believe)

From what I understand Grog is Loveable but not hugely layered or complex, and I know Travis was proud he didn’t cry this campaign. I suspect I may be surprised at the character depth Travis gives him, however.

Keyleth also thinks the gods are overrated and I AGREE

Percy is three feral and eldritch raccoons in a trench coat, held together only by sheer force of will and the fragile shell of a posh accent. No one notices because it’s a really cool accent.

There will be a lot more money/shopping/drinking elements than in campaign 2, since I know Vex is a haggler, Percy is a Lord, and Keyleth is a day-drinker? As are Grog and Scanlan

It will be funny for me to see Taliesin play a smart character and Travis a dumb one, though I know that the whiplash went the other way for most people lmao

Vox Machina will be less team-heavy than the Mighty Nein? I gather they’re more of an ‘individual hero’ makeup than an ‘everyone has support abilities’ makeup

It will be more fast-paced than campaign 2? It seems like a lot of the arcs lead directly into each other, with only the occasional shopping episode break

It feels like it might be less friendship heavy than the Mighty Nein? Like they seem more like ‘we’d die for each other’ pals who otherwise spend all their time trying to draw dicks on each other’s faces

They have a more clear “party leader” than the Mighty Nein, who might be Percy and/or Keyleth

I think most PCs and NPCs are more morally clear cut than in campaign 2, like most towns and people in positions of power are either “cool guy who can pitch in” or “get rid of this abomination immediately” territory

I think my favourite character will be Vex, Percy or Keyleth. I just feel it in my bones.

I think I may also get an extreme soft spot for Grog and Pike, however

My main sources of surprise will be, I think, how things fit together? Like I have no idea WHY they’re in the Feywild, or most other places really, or what any villains’ motivations and backstories and personality traits are, and how they end up fighting any of them in any particular place for any particular reason. I don’t even really know characters’ abilities or literally anything done in any of the fights, aside from “they win/nearly die” and “Scanlan uses Wish and Bigby’s Hand against Vecna”

I assume most plot threads all lead into each other fairly solidly and that they don’t actually seek most of their stuff out?

This assumption will either be fairly right or hilariously wrong, but -- I assume that I already know almost everything important or shocking? I tried really hard to avoid it but being active in campaign 2 meant that over time I got exposed to more and more of campaign 1, and I genuinely believe that I have almost everything down, if not details or order. I don’t think I’ve missed any big moment or impactful arc

Let’s see if I’m right

#critical role #campaign 1 #ramblings #Vox Machina #campaign 1 spoilers #c1e01 #c2e114 #c1e115 #will start rewatch (just first episode) either today or tomorrow

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brightwaterforarainyday · 2 years ago

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What's Echo Reading

Previously:

All of the novels of Guy Gavriel Kay. Yes every single one.

This Census-Taker, by China Mieville (I have an immense respect for a story that absolutely refuses to concretely answer a single one of the questions it raises. Figure it out yourself.)

House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski (7/22/2022 yea ok I already wasn't exactly Normal about Houses as like A Concept Im gonna be Dealing with that for a while)

New Cthulu: The Recent Weird, edited by Paula Guran (9/12/2022) what can I say I like 'em weird. These were all very much up my alley I would read ten more volumes if they existed)

The Labyrinth of Dreaming Books by Walter Moers (4/9/23) A sequel to one of my favorites, The City of Dreaming Books. Very well illustrated and does some fun things with type and diagetic texts which i appreciated. The longest central section is devoted to the narrator attending a puppet performance following the action of the previous book, described in meticulous detail, so not exactly what I'd call a gripping read. Always nice to spend some time in Bookholm tho.

The Dream Cycle of H.P Lovecraft: Dreams of Terror and Death (4/17/23) aka Randolph Carter's Bigtime Adventure Roadtrips. Mostly just made me want to reread my other Lovecraft collection tbh

Numbers in the Dark and Other Stories by Italo Calvino (translated by Tim Parks) My last big Book Arts assignment back at OCAC was based off a selection from Invisible Cities so I thought I'd check out some of the rest of his work. The tone of his writing reminds me a bit of my favorite short story collection: Stories for Night Time and Some for the Day so that seems like a good sign Returning to the library for now, may check it out again at a later date

The Haunting of Hill House, Shirley Jackson (10/23/2023)

Shadows of the Dark Crystal, JM Lee (11/27/2023) My Dark Crystal ttrpg campaign gave me brainworms so bad I'm reading YA about it. If I had read this when I was an actual child I would have been insufferable. I would have been obsessed there would have been no helping me.

Injection vol. 1 & 2, Warren Ellis (11/29/2023) My volume 3 was supposed to arrive today where IS it :(

Leech, Hiron Ennes (12/7/23) Ough I've never had such mixed feelings about a book ever. A very good book to be sure, amazing atmosphere, really nailed the gothic horror part of the gothic horror scifi soup. But I was so disapointed in how the Institute was handled and the direction the protagonist ended up growing in so the back half of it was... difficult.

So it turns out that when you actually have to make decisions about what you're gonna read it makes it much more difficult to actually, you know. Do that. That being said:

Currently Reading:

Fly by Night, Francis Hardinge - An old old favorite of mine. Gotta revisit the classics every few years y'know? (1/19/24)

Up Next (Possibly)

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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bansheeoftheforest · 3 years ago

Note

Us telling each other to go to sleep while simultaneously not sleeping

1) You can just stop writing the au if you hate it so much, or just take a hiatus. I know people like it but you shouldn't burn yourself out!

2) Have you ever heard of the Lykoi cat? Please search them up if you haven't

3) Diphylleia Grayi, is a type of flower that looks turns "invisible" when it touches water

4) Do you have a favorite spider?

5) Help I keep drawing porcelain Jekylls that I'll never post </3 /lh

6) hsjsvdjsgh I cant think of anything. Uhhh. The Wulver is a scottish creature that's a furry person with the head of a wolf and shares fish with locals. Honestly most drawings look like furries I've just noticed, why is no one drawing em with proper clothes

7) Similar questions to my last(?) ask. Do you have any thoughts on what supernatural/mythical creatures tgs characters would be if they were one? And what would your latest oc that I keep forgetting how to spell the name of be?

...The fact that that is accurate scares me-- I'm also going to save that meme for future references everytime either of us catch the other up late sdfds

1) THEORETICALLY YES... But I know that if I take a hiatus I will never finish it, and I know how guilty I would feel for not continuing it... Plus, most of my complaining is just dramatic but I'm not used to make chaptered fics and never will ever again. I guess it's just a mix between constantly having to worry about how the fic is perceived (especially since we are entering the more controversial/angsty chapters rn) combined with the deadline that makes... Me sad :'3

2) *frantic googling* OH MY GOD THEY LOOk LIKE THE DEFINITON OF A TRASH GOBLIN I WANT FIVE OF THEM IMMEDIATELY SFSDFSDF

3) oo h h m y god... It looks like ice... Are they edible? My brain is telling me to go absolutely bonkers on them. O o h h m y god

4) I had a very weird phase as a kid, who was also very afraid of spiders, where I tried to convince my parents to give me a tarantula because I saw that they were fluffy. I'm still massively afraid of spiders but otherwise I'd say redkneed birdspider (is that the english name???)

5) Bestie I know how it feels my entire sketch book is just drawings of my ocs that will never grace tumblr </3

6) Oh man. I love Wulvers. I know jack shit about them but I had planned to have Henry meet a wulver in the Irrbloos Au at some point, since they were benevolent and helpful I had planned to have a wulver lead him back and get him back to the real world at some point but I never got so far into that plotline. But honestly... All pictures of werewolves of all kinds look like furries. Did you know that they have werehyenas in africa, which is basically just reverse werewolves (i.e a hyena that turns into a human instead of the other way around)?

7) I'm going to start off by saying that Cederic definitely would be some kind of nymph-like creature like an incubus of some kind or just a straight up male nymph/siren, something very pretty and very seductive because, I don't know if anyone read his part of the updated OC masterlist post, he was originally a prostitute and very much uses that to his advantage to get what he wants. Something cat-like would also make sense, as his mother (in the actual DND campaign) is the egyptian cat goddess Bastet, but regardless, he still has his cat so it would fit no matter.

*cracks knuckles* alright here we go. Not going to go into a lot of context i'm just going to spew shit out.

Jekyll - Werewolf, really, that's no surprise but a werewolf fits so good. Having a monstrous side he tries to hide that only comes out at night? *chef's kiss*

Hyde - Imp or poltergeist.

Robert - Vampire.

Rachel - Selkie

Jasper - since he already is a werewolf, he would just be Some Dude

Frankenstein - Dwarf, or Baba Yaga.

Griffin - Ghost that does not want to be a ghost

Emma - A Huldra, maybe? A benevolent nymph? A banshee? I just love her and I wanted to add her to the list somehow.

Maijabi - a ghost who is totally chill with being dead. Maybe one of those spirits who like to fuck with humans (metaphorically speaking) by hailing cabs and then ditching them in the middle of the ride.

Lavender/Ito - those centaurs that are deer instead of horses I forgot the name sdsdfs

thats all i can come up w at the moment sdfsdf

#ask #darling-dolly-darlene

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rvspberry · 4 years ago

Note

Cat boy Steve trying to cook/ BAKE??? something as a Christmas surprise???

(THIS WAS AN AMAZING ASK!!! And it ended up becoming a modern Catboy AU. And ended up longer than I expected. Anon, I hope you enjoy.)

Steve’s never baked cookies before. He’s never baked *anything* before, to be honest, and he’s never really thought about trying his hand at doing things in the kitchen until now. Billy cooks for them, mostly because Steve can burn water because he gets so easily distracted, ears twitching at every little noise and tail flicking with each new interest that catches his attention.

But the thing is… the thing is, Steve turns on the Hallmark channel the second week of December and watches romcom after romcom with people baking cakes and pies and whole Christmas dinners to show their love. Steve could maybe try cookies. They seem easy enough.

And, like, it sounds cool. Making cookies for Billy. Showing his love through something homemade. Like, he works part-time at Family Video, and he already bought Billy something small, something he could afford. But giving Billy something he put his heart into? Something made with love and care? Something he made with his own two hands?

The way the movies make it out, that’s the best thing he could ever offer to Billy, cookies worth their weight in gold.

It can’t be that hard, right?

So Steve turns to his first source of knowledge anytime he needs to find out how to do something new.

YouTube.

He’s a visual learner, okay? He likes being able to see the steps laid out in real time.

His attention span shoots for the sixty-second video where they do a run-through of the steps to making the perfect chocolate chip cookies. It’s long enough to hold his attention, short enough to keep him focused, and he feels so confident watching it that he goes out and buys all the ingredients he needs. He’s whistling to himself through the grocery store, smiles at the cashier, and when he gets home, he still feels utterly confident.

Until the batter comes out a lot more liquid than solid. The chocolate chips fall off the spoon before he can even scoop them up. Steve winces, but he followed the directions. Even if the directions didn’t have anything like measurements. He kind of eyeballs each ingredient. Two sticks of butter, two eggs, a cup each of flour and sugar, a hefty scoop of baking powder - and then the chocolate chips. But…

It looks weird.

It’s not right.

Steve dips his pinky into the batter and tastes it. It’s bitter, and not sweet enough. He still goes through with it, spooning the liquidy mixture onto the cookie sheet and popping it into the oven.

The oven is a whole other experience entirely, because Steve doesn’t know what the numbers really mean. He pushes a few until the numbers read 2-0-0. That seems like a long time, right? Or is it temperature? Whatever. It works.

...Except the video says to leave the cookies in the oven for 10-15 minutes, and when he pulls them out, they’re still raw. So he pops them back in for 20 minutes. 30 minutes. An hour passes, and they seem to grow more disgusting with every minute that passes.

When he finally pulls them out, somehow raw on top and burnt on the bottom and sides, Steve tosses the whole thing - cookies, tray, and all.

Billy comes home later and crinkles his nose. “Did you burn something, babe?”

“No!” Steve is quick to reply, eyes wide when he looks up at Billy from his spot on the couch where he’d been laying in the sun earlier. “Nope. Not at all.”

“Okay…” Billy drawls, his eyes gazing over at Steve with confusion until he spots something and smiles. Strutting over to Steve, Billy reaches out and rubs his thumb over Steve’s cheek. “You got some flour on you.”

Steve lets out a yelp and flies to the bathroom to wash up properly, Billy snickering behind him.

Steve tries again the next week, the week before Christmas. Surely he can master it if he tries to follow a longer video, right? Something with measurements. Something that’s foolproof. And when the batter is finished, with Steve’s focus narrowing enough for him to measure every little ingredient out, it looks just like the video. He pulls it up on his phone, ears twitching as he listens intently.

He follows every step to the T, to the dotted ‘i.’ The sets the “bake” thing to 3-7-5 and puts the sheet inside to begin with. Even waits as the numbers turn from 1-0-0 to 1-2-0, thinking that he must wait 120 minutes for the oven to hear up. He groans when the 1-0-0 turns to 1-2-0… Really? That long? That’s how long it takes to heat the oven?

By the time the oven beeps and the numbers read ‘3-7-5,’ Steve has gotten distracted licking his paws and visibly startles into action.

He places the tray into the oven and even turns on the timer somehow for ten minutes.

But then Steve goes to the living room and lays down on the couch in the sun and starts cleaning his tail, licking the backs of his hands to clean his ears. He doesn’t want Billy to know he’s made cookies until he steps into the kitchen and sees the beautiful pile of them on a plate on the counter. Wouldn’t that be something?

So, ten minutes turn into twenty, and the smell of smoke tinges the air.

Steve crinkles his nose at the scent, his senses more sensitive than a human’s, and then his eyes widen comically in fear.

“No, no, no! Not my cookies!!”

Steve rushes to the kitchen to drag the cookies out of the oven with a mitted-hand and lays them on the stove. Confusion tinges his expression - it curls at the edges of his mouth, curls his eyebrows up, makes him completely disinterested and distrustful of the process. These were going to be fool-proof. Steve-proof.

And he messed it up again.

He scrapes the burnt cookies off the tray into the trash can and soaks the tray in the sink as best as he can, given how tiny it is.

Steve’s tail twitches. How did he screw this batch so badly? How did he not hear the timer?

He realizes that only one person can really help him right now, and resolves to call Joyce Byers.

Steve is still smarting from his last attempt, so it takes him another few days to get around to calling her. By the time he does, it’s Christmas Eve.

But Joyce seems happy to help, one catperson to another, and offers up the recipe for her homemade snickerdoodles.

“Could you- could you tell me how to make them? All the ones I’ve tried end up terrible,” he says, wincing at the admission.

“Of course, Steve. Just stay on the phone with me. Put me on speaker so you can use both of your hands. And don’t hesitate to ask me any questions, okay?”

“Okay…”

So, Joyce talks him through properly measuring the ingredients, leveling them off with a knife.

She describes adding the sugar and butter together and calls it “creaming” which makes him fight back a snicker.

He adds the eggs carefully, once at a time, fishing out tiny pieces of eggshell to make sure no one gets that unpleasant surprise. He adds the vanilla, the dry ingredients, rolls them into little balls in a mix of cinnamon sugar, and places them carefully on a baking sheet.

Steve thinks to ask her about the oven numbers and feels like an idiot when she tells him it’s not the time left for preheating but the temperature climbing up to 350’.

Joyce even keeps him on the phone while the cookies bake, both of them sharing information about the latest campaigns of the party. Steve doesn’t have the attention to stay interested in a campaign for as long as they take to trudge through, everyone rolling, everyone making a decision, the boys fighting about what is and isn’t allowed… It’s a lot, and he feels a little better when Joyce agrees with him, both of them dissolving into laughter.

His tail flicks back and forth, casual and easy and contented, and when the timer goes off in the background, Steve actually hears it and Joyce reminds him to take the cookies out to let them cool.

When Billy gets home that night, Steve can’t help the smug smile on his face.

“Damn, I think the neighbor was baking cookies or something, it smells so good in the hallway!” Billy says, toeing off his boots. He stops in the doorway and sniffs the air curiously. His blue eyes turn on Steve, who can’t even pretend to be innocent as his ears are flicked ahead, alert, and his tail whips back and forth with anticipation. “Baby… did *you* bake cookies today?”

The slow smile that steals across Steve’s lips is no less smug, and his tail flicks excitedly. He perks up, licking his lips.

“Do you want to try one?” Steve asks, affecting a shy look right up until Billy nods. Then, Steve stands quickly, shoots his hand out to curl around Billy’s wrist and drags him into the kitchen.

There, on a simple paper plate, are the snickerdoodles Joyce helped him make. Completely harmless, and yet they hold a weight to them that Steve cannot describe.

Steve’s eyes are wide as he watches Billy pick one up, can practically feed his pupils dilating as Billy raises the cookie to his mouth and he takes a bite.

Billy tuns to face him suddenly and Steve’s ears flatten in preparation to be told that they’re terrible. For Billy to spit them out, or- or whatever. To do something that shows that Steve’s efforts were all for naught.

“Steve, these are *delicious*!” Billy exclaims, then shoves the rest of the cookie into his mouth.

“Really?” Steve asks. He looks at Billy through his lashes with his biggest, roundest eyes, a little pout on his lips.

“Baby, yes. Yes, they’re so fucking good,” Billy mumbles through a mouthful of cookie, chewing and swallowing what he had in his mouth. He pulls Steve into his arms and gives him a sweet kiss, the buttery-sugar-and-cinnamon flavor clinging to Billy’s lips. “Did you make these for me…?”

“Yeah,” Steve breathes out, the weight on his shoulders lifting immediately. He ducks his head, trying to hide his grin.

Billy crowds him back against the counter, a hand on either side of Steve caging him in. Steve picks his chin up to lock eyes with Billy, who smiles warmly at him.

“Thank you,” Billy murmurs and turns his head to lean in and press their lips together. “They’re amazing. *You’re* amazing.”

Steve laughs softly and kisses Billy back, his hands moving up to slide into Billy’s hair. “You’re amazing, too. That’s why I made them for you. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, babe,” Billy whispers, and kisses Steve again.

#catboy steve harrington #harringrove #catboy content #catboy steve

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quasieli · 4 years ago

Note

top six: fictional characters that give you gender envy, flowers, little things that make you happy and d&d moments :D

Ooh lotsa questions!

Gender Envy:

1) Bow from She-Ra (2018). Something about buff athletic dude who wears crop tops and is soft as hell is very Gender to me.

2) Vax from Critical Role. Pretty boy, kinda goth rogue? That’s sexy as hell and I wish that was me.

3) In a wildly different idea of gender envy, I’ve been thinking about it lately and @quantum-lesbian’s character in the Frostmaiden game I’m in with them, Ambrose, is Big Gender. Beautiful non-binary drow with a starry and kinda witchy aesthetic that dresses super grandly and ostentatiously no matter the occasion? Yes please.

4) Pete from The Unsleeping City, specifically season two. I adore season one Pete but season two Pete that works in a queer bookshop and has a teapot arcane focus, is artsy and is unapologetically a trans man who doesn’t give a shit about gender roles? Sign me the fuck up.

5) Beau from Critical Role. Buff GNC lesbian mixed with academia, but like academia from the prospective of a grad student with ADHD trying to learn everything about their special interests? A+, I love her and I’m jealous.

6) I’m gonna cheat a lil bit for this last one. I know the prompt is fictional characters, but Julia Lepetit and Jacob Andrews in their Hitman streams? Simultaneously both of them were Gender for me. Jacob esp felt like that for me, which is weird cause dresses can make me dysphoric, but I am also slightly envious of the Dude in a Dress type of gender presentation.

Can you tell that I’m a confused trans masc enby

Gonna put it under the cut from here cause oof, there’s still a lot more.

Flowers:

1) Big slut for Sunflowers, always have been, always will be.

2) Fun fact, my dad’s family used to own a flower shop (in like the 70s, so I never got to see it :(), and one of their big things was hydrangeas. My dad has always loved them and now I love the snowballs too!

3) A recent favorite, the Baker’s Globe Mallow. It’s a type of flower that only grows from the soils of forests that have been affected by wildfires. It’s a simple little flower but I love the idea of something beautiful rising from the ashes after tragedy. A little dramatic, but I’m queer, ofc I’m dramatic.

4) Roses are another important flower to my family (Rose was a family name for a couple generations), and ya know, they’re a classic.

5) There’s this beautiful magnolia tree in front of my house that blooms with the most beautiful white and pink flowers every spring, and it’s one of my favorite things to see every year.

6) There’s so many different types of Lillies and they’re all very pretty, but the Purple Stargazer is prob my favorite.

Little Things That Make Me Happy:

1) My cat, Maddie. She may be a cranky girl at times, but she is also very sweet and will always be my baby (even though she is 12).

2) Not a little thing really, but my best friend. Just getting a sweet/silly text from her or the two of us chilling in a room, sitting in a comfortable silence because we just like being together, nothing better.

3) Baking, esp if I’m doing it for others. I’m not much of a sweets person myself, a little treat every once in a while type person, but I love baking. It’s a very relaxing process for me, even when it can sometimes get stressful, but seeing people enjoying something I made, especially something that brought me great joy to make, is simply the best.

4) In the same sorta vein, crafting and other art, but that’s a bit more personal. I love making things for others, but art, particularly drawing, is something I do more for me. It’s such a great feeling when you can get into a really good art mood and just sink yourself into a project. I love it.

5) My plush toys. Yes, I am a 23 year old, no I will not stop loving my plushies. I just got a few new friends, which I made a post about recently, and they such good cuddle buddies. However, there is one king amongst them all. I have this old, beat up christmas puppy beanie baby, on his tag named Jingle Pup, but I just call him Jingle. I had one version of him since I was like 6, but he currently lives on a shelf cause he is very beaten up and fragile, but his “brother”, who I got when I was 8, is still in kinda good shape and is currently chilling on my chest as I type this lol.

6) Again, not a little thing, but it’s important to mention; D&D. The game itself is such a joy, but truly the best part of it is the people. I love creating stories and memories with people through this weird little game. Truly one of my favorite things to do.

D&D Moments:

These are all gonna be personal moments, rather than anything from actual play shows/podcasts. RC is Reforged Campaign, where I play Saube, and FM is Frostmaiden, where I play Sparks.

1) RC - Meeting Mahety, Saube’s girlfriend. We met her way back in session 12 and we are now up to like session 73. Saube saw her and was immediately big heart eyes at her but also felt a bit awkward and shy. So, being a game a dice, I decided to roll. 10 or higher, Saube would talk to her, 9 or lower, she’d stay put. I rolled a 17, 17 is now a lucky number for me. I love Mahety and I’d die for her.

2) FM - This was an insane fight that should not have been so crazy, but in a fairly early session, my group went up against an angry druid and her awakened animals. So much batshit stuff happened in that fight, and we unfortunately lost our bread loving bard (RIP Agneyis), but one of my favorite combat turns happened in this fight. Our artificer, Omaren, has a robe of useful items and one of the patches on it creates a large pit. Thinking quickly, Omaren tore off the patch, slid it under one of the dire wolves we were fighting and created a looney tunes style pit under it, allowing us to take it out easily via pot shots. Such a clutch move and such a funny visual, especially because the dire wolf kept failing the checks to get out of the pit.

3) RC - Saube’s Zebrith (I will never remember how this actually spelled RIP). So, for context, Saube ended up with a death curse (long story) that mechanically meant they had disadvantage on any death saving throws. Scary as hell, need to get that fixed! So, Saube and their party had to be smuggled into another country to talk with some religious leaders of a goddess known as The First, the goddess of death. They were told that Saube would have to go through the aforementioned ritual, which included her soul leaving her body for a short period of time. During this ritual, her friends had to call back to her, to say things that would bring her back to her body and I still cry thinking about that game. That ritual was not only important for Saube bodily, but spiritually as well. After that ritual, Saube officially became a cleric of The First!

4) A real sappy one, RC - Saube meeting all of her friends. Anyone who follows along with the rantings on my blog probably knows how important this game is to me. I met this random group of strangers on tumblr and formed a D&D party with them and now, a year and a half later, I honestly think it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I know that sounds silly and dramatic but not only has this game brought me so much joy and comfort, but I also gained a group of really amazing friends who have been nothing but amazing since day one. As much as Saube knows she can depend on SICL, I know I can depend on my group of weirdos lol. We both love our friends very much and even though we’ve all been through some crazy shit, we wouldn’t change it for the world.

5) RC - Just playing Saube in general. I really didn’t intend for it to be this way, but Saube is very much a reflection of myself. She is the first long term character I have ever played and so much of me is in her. I try not to treat D&D like therapy, because that’s unfair to my DM and fellow party members, but playing Saube has allowed me to work through some of my own problems, especially social anxiety, in a lot safer of an environment. It isn’t so much that I’m asking this game to help me fix my life, but playing out these scenarios that, in the real world, would make me anxious or make me freak out, I can stop, take a moment to breathe and work out these issues in a way that makes sense to me. Playing her has led me to understanding myself a bit better, as well, and that’s truly such a wonderfully unexpected gift from this whole experience.

6) Lastly, a silly one: RC - Getting a crit 6. The last session of this game got real interesting. Saube’s party ended up in the ethereal plane and magic got real fucky there. So, any time any of us tried to cast a spell, we’d roll a d20, not look at the result, and then try to guess what number rolled. The closer to the number, the better the result. A few times, a few people managed to get within like 3 or 4 of their roll, but oh the power I felt when I rolled a 6 (on Saube’s die!) and guessed it correctly! So, not only did the spell (Bless) work, but it worked super well. So instead of getting +1d4 to attack rolls and saving throws, Saube and two other party members got +2d4 to attacks, saving throws and skill checks. So powerful I broke the rules of D&D lmao.

#asks #ask games #floralprintshark #D&D #Flowers #Saube #Sauhety #SICL #Sparks #long post #thanks <3 <3

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kisskissbanggang · 5 years ago

Text

The Sabotage of Simkung House - Part 3

[Stray Kids Multi Fic - 20Min Read/5.8K Words - Hyunjin x Female Reader - Non-Idol!au, Variety!au - NSFW/Smut, Plot - Reverse Harems, Variety Shows, Unfolding Plot, Panty Stealing, Noona Kink, Femdom, Brat Taming, Dom/Sub Elements, Secret Hook-Ups]

Hyunjin was a troublemaker. You hadn’t noticed it before, but it was abundantly clear now that you were finally taking a morning to make up the beds. The boys were expectedly possessive of their rooms as they were their only “private” spaces on set, but with each passing day you could tell at least two of the three bedrooms were growing musky, the worst of which belonged to the two youngest cast members. They clearly weren’t cleaning, and they clearly weren't giving you all their laundry. In fact, only a couple of the cast were giving you everything. Minho and Changbin were currently taking turns setting their laundry downstairs for you from their shared room, and those were the only pairs of socks and underwear you’d seen since filming began. Clearly, the other boys were doing half their own laundry. Whether from pride or privacy, you have no clue, but, nonetheless, this allowed an opportunity for Hyunjin to account for one pair of your missing panties, laid out perfectly flat under his pillow.

It was suspicious. The panties were still clean, still smelling of laundry soap with no hints of debauchery other than the fact that they currently weren’t in your own room. In fact, you’d found them solely because a hint of lace had peeked out from under Hyunjin’s pillow. You were meant to see this. So what were you to do? You set about cleaning the rest of the room, the lion’s share of the mess belonging to Jisung, and set about formulating your game plan.

You tugged and patted the sheets on Jisung's bed flat, instantly satisfied as the room looked better overall, even with just the beds made, when you nearly tripped on a pile of clothes at the foot of the bed. Another peek of lace was barely noticeable in the tangle of clothes. You gently pried the rest of the pile up, not wanting to disturb where the panties had been left, just like you left the pair Hyunjin stole supposedly untouched under his pillow. These, however, were decidedly used. You weren’t disgusted -- it wasn’t like the entire pair was a solidified mess -- but the delicate fabric was clearly crumpled and hidden after Jisung had finished being “inspired” by them. Unlike Hyunjin, he absolutely did not want you to find these.

So the wheels in your head turned a little differently now, perhaps a little more efficiently. Both boys had stolen your panties, but were they working together? You doubted it, considering the two seemed to only tolerate each other's presence on set. The duo constantly bickered, hardly ever studying together or working together for challenges. They only ended up as roommates because Chan got his own room and Minho and Changbin “chose” to room together because they were the next oldest. Otherwise, Jisung detested Hyunjin’s prim and snobbish persona, while Hyunjin constantly picked over Jisung’s perfectionist streak and clumsy tendencies. Nevertheless, yet more reconnaissance needed to be done.

You headed downstairs, looking busy with your duster and sprucing up as you surreptitiously looked for the boys. They were once again mysteriously missing, before you caught noise down the hall in the study. You neared the door, surprised as it opened almost right into your face. Chan and the other boys stared at you from behind him.

“Secret meeting?” You chuckled lightly.

“Studying,” Chan clarified, shrugging past you and into the hall. The boys followed suit, and as Hyunjin passed you, you noticed just how tall he was, but maybe that was because of how he looked right down at you. You looked up through your eyelashes at him in time to catch his smirk. That energy felt dangerous -- if everything was going to go your way, you had to be in control. That's why Chan wasn't even on your radar aside from avoiding him, and that was definitely why you needed to take your time and be careful around Hyunjin for now. You turned to leave, pausing as you noticed Jisung still inside, still sitting in the large easy chair by the tall shelves lining the walls.

Really, you hadn't been able to get much of a read on Jisung. He'd been quiet the first couple days of filming, but once he warmed up to the cast he wouldn't shut up. That is, except for you and the other staff cast and even a good chunk of the crew. Jisung barely looked up from the book he was holding as he continued to scribble notes in his lap, eyeing you carefully as you casually entered the room and went about dusting and sprucing up. You tried to think of something, anything to break the ice, when you finally noticed what he was reading. The wheels cranked in your head.

“Is that… Is that 3.5 edition?” You asked curiously, tilting your head to see the cover better. Jisung jolted, surprised at your attention and drawing his knees up just the smallest bit, as if he was covering up from your prying eyes. You chuckled apologetically. “Sorry, I couldn't help but notice. Why not 5th edition? Don't you like the balancing?”

“You play, noona?” He asked warily. He adjusted his glasses on his nose before pulling them off altogether and habitually nibbling on the end of the plastic arm. You shrugged, as if establishing any sort of familiarity with him wasn't imperative to make your plan happen.

“Sure. It's been a long time, but I play.”

You didn't. You'd had a short-lived stint with a DM just after college, back when you used to hustle for spare cash, who allowed you to sit in on his planning and play sessions, but you'd learned he was frankly terrible at it when you consulted his manuals yourself. Your friend Duckie had teased you relentlessly for days for letting a neckbeard relegate you to arm candy, and you frankly never lived it down between the two of you.

Jisung sighed and set the manual closed on his lap. It looked like you'd been granted an answer. “Somehow, I mentioned tabletop gaming once and the guys all pushed it because none of them have tried it, and I said no, so the producers told me this morning that we're doing it, so we're doing it. Setting up a one-shot on short notice is a nightmare, so I grabbed my manual. I only brought it because I'm developing my campaign to pick back up when filming is over.”

You smiled sympathetically as you continued dusting. “Are they doing their own character sheets?”

“Oh, god, no,”Jisung laughed, shaking his head. He really was cute. You just wished you didn't also know his room was a damn mess and that he was a panty thief. “I'm doing it for them and I'm trying to make this whole thing easy.”

“That's really cool,” you said sincerely as you continued cleaning, silently applauding the bashful blush in his cheeks, “it sounds like you really know what you're doing.”

“Thanks, noona,” he replied meekly. Jisung watched as you accidentally flung a cloud of dust off a high shelf and you looked up, sputtering and coughing as you caught a glimpse of the offender: a large vase, its gleam dulled by dust. You hopped at it, trying to reach the vase with your duster.

“Jisung,” you called over your shoulder, “can you please help me reach this?” Jisung nodded, setting his book and notes down as he got up. He strode over, sizing you up against the bookshelves before he simply grabbed your duster from your hands and did it himself. You leaned against the bookshelf, between the hardwood and him, watching him and deciding now was as good a time as any to plant a seed.

“Jisung,” you began, catching his eyes comically widening as he noticed how close you were, “be careful when you take care of your own laundry, alright? I noticed I was missing some things so I'd hate to think you boys are getting all your laundry mixed up.”

His hand wavered where he was intently dusting, almost damn near knocking over the vase. You scanned the room: there were three more vases just like this. “You're missing some things, noona?”

You nodded. “Weird, right? I'd die if something of mine ended up in one of your baskets by accident,” you laughed, startled as Jisung quickly finished and handed you back your duster.

“Really weird, noona, I hope you find your stuff,” he babbled as he scrambled back to the other side of the room and grabbed his things from his chair, “wouldn’t it be easier for you to reach if you had a stepstool? I swear I saw one in the hall closet. I’ll just go get it for you--”

And he was out the door, walking more like a sprint down the hallway. You stared, your developing plans dashed. Jisung didn't return. It wasn't like you waited a crazy amount of time, but more than enough that you knew you'd scared him off instead of inviting him. Nevertheless, a plan was still forming -- Jisung was more nervous than he let on, but that didn't mean he couldn't be encouraged.

You worked your way through the house, cleaning and taking care of chores when you noticed some dishes outside on the patio table. Sliding open the glass door, you set about picking up dishes when you heard a quiet snicker behind you. You were so wrapped up in your own thoughts that a surprised gasp escaped you before you could even whip around and promptly land on your ass, unaware that you hadn't been alone. Even though you hadn't seen anyone out here at first, the large house opened up to its patio from the living room, the dining room, and the kitchen, but each door and window seemed to have their own blind spots, apparently. You looked up to see Hyunjin smirking to himself as he read a book, reclined on a lounge chair in the warm afternoon sun. He looked up, an amused grin spread on his face as he set his book down and trotted over to offer you a hand up.

“I'm sorry, noona, did I surprise you?”

You sighed with a laugh as you dusted yourself off. “A little, Hyunjin, but I'm alright.”

“I'm glad. Actually, noona, while I have you here, can I ask you a question?” It wasn't surprising that Hyunjin was so cordial and charming -- dashing, even -- but you didn't trust it at this moment. Something in his smile was mischievous. Nonetheless, you nodded. “What did you study in school?”

“Who says I went to school?” You smirked.

“Chan-hyung,” he shrugged nonchalantly. “He mentioned you seemed much smarter than you let on. I figured you’ve just been modest.”

Holy shit, you pondered, hoping Hyunjin wasn’t noticing your hard blink, what kind of conspiracy has he been building? By now it felt apparent that Chan wasn’t just concerned with you trying to sleep with him or any of the cast for that matter. This wasn’t just playing aloof or hard to get, he actively appeared to despise you.

“I’m just wondering because I was curious how your family feels about your acting.” Hyunjin continued, pulling you out of your plotting.

“Well then, yes,” you sighed, “I went to school. And not for acting. And my family doesn’t know. I mean, they know I'm interested and enjoy it, but they don’t know everything.” That was true. Your family knew you’d taken bit parts in dramas and commercials, but they had no idea about the show and certainly no idea about your more known acting credits. Why should they fall victim to that inevitable disappointment?

“Ah,” Hyunjin shook his head with a reluctant laugh, “then maybe there’s no hope for me.”

“So your parents don’t know?”

“Of course not!” He chuckled. “My father is a lawyer and my mother is an architect. Guess how I disappointed both of them?” He waited for your patient shrug. “Studying statistical psychology. I loved it, and they hated that I loved it. So I joined the theatre club at school on a whim to start taking my mind off switching majors, try something new, and now I love this. So they definitely can’t know about that either, or they’ll take it away, too.”

“I’m sorry you have to hide this special thing from your parents,” you sympathized as you resumed stacking dishes on the patio table. In your own way, you truly did understand where Hyunjin was coming from -- it was exciting to be proud of your path, but it always hurt to hide it from people you loved.

“It’s alright,” Hyunjin sighed with a small smile. “If I can be candid, noona, that’s what sort of drew me to you. I was thinking of school and home, and you reminded me of someone, a mentor I had back in the theatre club.”

“Oh yeah?” You humored him, eyeing his feet when he stepped closer. You took a cautious step back.

“Definitely,” he nodded, stepping forward again. “She had this quiet air that she knew plenty more than she let on.”

“Must’ve been a great teacher,” you placated, taking another step back with your stack of dishes. Hyunjin pressed forward once again, his toes only inches from yours.

“She was,” he smirked, “She taught me everything I know.”

You took a firm step back towards the door and Hyunjin stopped in his tracks the moment your fingers touched the handle. “I’m sorry I interrupted you,” you smiled demurely, “I should get back to work.”

“Noona,” he called after you, his playful tone making you stop in the middle of you turning into the opened door, “I meant to tell you something. Be mindful of the laundry, please; I noticed some things in my basket that don't belong to me.”

You stepped through the door and briskly rushed into the kitchen to tend to the dishes, thrusting your hands under the hot water as you vigorously scrubbed. That tricky little pervert.

The fact that Hyunjin could knock you off center like that was troubling. You would never feel confident about your progress if you let him take control like that again.

You began your next morning with a fire in you, ready to make the progress you were too off-kilter to make the previous day. This meant, of course, fetching something from Hyunjin’s room.

The hall to the boys’ rooms was silent as you neared Hyunjin’s door, the cast all outside working out and doing yoga, so you simply turned the knob and walked inside.

Your sharp gasp matched Jisung’s as he promptly fell off the bed, cocooned in his blanket.

“Jisung, I'm so sorry!” You blurted from under your hands covering your eyes, “I thought you were outside with the others!”

“Noona!” Jisung groaned as he unfolded himself from the floor. A cursory glance through your fingers let you notice the pile of clothes at the foot of his bed had been dismantled. “I was still sleeping! I thought the others were still getting ready.” Sure enough, Jisung freed himself from his blanket but deftly snuck his hand underneath to adjust himself as you finally released your eyes. “What are you doing here, anyway?”

“I've been making the beds and grabbing your laundry in the morning now,” you sighed, “some of you boys are pretty messy.”

Jisung looked at his half of the room, littered in socks and books and notes, and his cheeks reddened even more. He watched as you helped yourself to fixing Hyunjin’s bed, surreptitiously snatching your panties from under his pillow and shoving them in your apron as you patted the sheets flat. You whirled around, trying to match Jisung’s level of flustered as you apologized.

“I'm sorry for waking you up,” you said sheepishly, “I'll let the others know you’re coming.”

You rushed out of the room just as he did from the study the day before and set about the rest of your day once you were out of sight before Seungmin caught up with you. “Not working out today, noona?”

“Afraid not, Min,” you smiled warmly, “lots to do.”

“Are you making the beds now, too? Hyunjin mentioned it this morning.”

You nodded as you continued down the hall. “Why not? Their rooms could use some tidying. It’s small but it’s helpful.”

“That’s very considerate of you noona, let me know if you need anything.” Seungmin smiled and waved goodbye as he headed back up one more level to the attic.

Your plan was exceedingly simple: you would ignore Hyunjin for a whole day -- and more, if he could manage -- before making any forward moves, except for one. He'd been so readily forward with you that it seemed reasonable to predict that this was Hyunjin’s usual tactic, to be handsome and dashing and silver-tongued enough to easily land any of his conquests. Really, that was probably why he turned to AV’s in the first place. With how he looked at you, he thought you were putty in his hands and, frankly, the assumption drove you crazy.

What you didn't expect, however, was for your simple plan to be instantly effective. After scampering away to tell the boys Jisung was on his way downstairs, it was easy to pay more attention to Changbin and Minho -- who easily smiled and joked and socialized with you whenever you were around now -- even with Chan eyeing you suspiciously in the corner. You barely regarded Hyunjin’s attempt to give you a knowing look. It wasn’t like you could flat-out ignore him right off the bat. He had to notice. You were careful to not look sheepish or bashful when you did make eye contact, wanting to be sure to make him feel more conflicted about his previous perception of you.

That afternoon, while you waited off to the side during filming, you brushed right past Hyunjin’s sly smile and sauntered up to Changbin again, playfully patting down a strand of hair that had fallen out of place. Hyunjin’s attention was piqued as you doled out all this personal attention to almost anyone except him over the course of the day, and you applauded yourself as you saw him try more and more to get in your eyeline. Later, during a break, he caught you hanging out with Minho in the kitchen, fiddling with his earrings.

“I didn’t know your ears were pierced,” you cutely prodded, dutifully ignoring Hyunjin as he hung out near the fridge and close to your conversation. Minho jumped and grabbed at them.

“I forgot I had them on!” He jovially whined. “Oh my god I've had them on all day, I'm surprised I didn't get reamed for this.”

“I do, too. Almost all of us have our ears pierced,” Hyunjin interjected, “Chan-hyung isn’t even--”

“You hide your earrings?” You asked Minho curiously. Hyunjin silently steamed on the other side of the kitchen.

“Of course,” Minho nodded, “they signed us to look studious. None of us are supposed to look super cool or anything.”

“That’s too bad,” you pouted, “they look good on you.” You checked the time on your phone and stretched out a little. “Shouldn’t we be getting back?” The boys both nodded, but you still only looked at Minho and followed him out, passing by Hyunjin looking almost offended at how you could dare ignore him. You brushed past, surreptitiously slipping the reclaimed pair of panties out of your apron and into Hyunjin’s blazer pocket on your way out the door and down the hall.

Finally, at the end of formal filming for the day, you headed upstairs to return your pages once the crew cleared out. You made sure your mic was unclipped and back in its cradle, and checked the big calendar hung on the wall for any big developments in the daytime show for the week when a creak on the stairs startled you. Looking up, you were faced with Chan staring at you from the door.

“Looking for something?” You asked casually.

“No, just you,” he said as he stepped into the room. “What’s your angle here?”

“Angle?”

“Don’t be dumb,” Chan shook his head, “what are you trying to do here? I've been watching you all day, all week -- you’re doing something more than just the show.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” you carefully fired back, “so I’d appreciate it if you’d care to explain where you got these big presumptions from.”

“Come on! All this extra screentime?” Chan reeled as he quietly shut the attic door behind him. “Look, I don’t know how many of the guys recognize you, but I do, alright? I didn’t think you were taking a break to try and make it big, and if I had thought you were then I definitely wouldn't have expected to see you here. What are you doing? Are you trying to get attention from other producers watching the show?”

You stared back, arms folded indignantly. “What, am I not good enough?”

“No, it’s not that,” he babbled, “I just know--”

“Frankly, I don’t give a shit what you know,” you snapped, “and I definitely don't appreciate you trying to accuse me of trying to get anything more than what I signed for. Sorry if it seems like I'm fighting for more screentime.” You turned your nose up, bumping past Chan on your way back downstairs. Honestly, getting him was going to be the most grueling part of this whole concept. You quickly texted Felix when you escaped to your room.

> How many of the guys know who I am?

>> None, but who doesn’t lie about watching porn?

>Can I get a meeting? I'm feeling pretty antsy.

>>Sorry Shining Star, emergencies only. Gotta preserve the atmosphere. But I'll let the Big Boss know how you’re feeling. You got this.

You sighed, feeling a bit ruffled with how weird this was getting. Would tonight be a good night for a break? You figured if there would be any, then it would be tonight, just trying to get your head back in order and ready to tackle everything the next day. Some dinner and then bed and you would be good to go.

Passing through the main floor to the kitchen, you heard a commotion coming from the study. Thinking back, this was probably the night of Jisung’s campaign. In a small way, you were excited for him, hoping all the guys were being open and receptive and having fun. A hand shot out from around the corner, startling you and pulling you into the alcove of the dining room door. Hyunjin’s lips were on yours the moment he pulled you against him where he was pressed against the wall, his tongue hot in your mouth and his exhales almost resembling low groans as he kissed you. Your fists beat against his chest to push him back.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” You demanded, your hushed tone still sharp against his mischievous grin.

“You know, beautiful, I loved my surprise but it's not a present if I stole them in the first place. Maybe I can get a replacement?”

“You mean ‘noona,’” you growled, “and is that supposed to work on me?” The quixotic sparkle in Hyunjin’s eye disappeared.

“You're a bit of a bitch, noona, you know that?”

His glare shattered as you laughed meanly at him. “And you're a bit of a brat. Boys like you only call women bitches when they can't get what they want.”

“Well, as a big fan, maybe I just wanted what I've been fantasizing about.” Hyunjin stared hard at you, challenging you with his admission, the hungry edge to his look remaining even as he was surprised to see you relax in his grip. His eyes widened for just a moment as you gently cupped his face, but both your expressions changed when you pinched his pierced earlobe and tugged him close. You smiled at his shock as you punted open the swinging dining room door and dragged Hyunjin inside like a guilty schoolboy. Approaching the handsome dining table, you yanked him down to bend over it as you searched his blazer pockets, savoring his struggling grunts.

“So you recognized me on the first day?” You interrogated.

“Yes,” Hyunjin laughed against the table, “I couldn't believe I was so lucky.”

“Then what exactly have you been fantasizing about?”

“I just want to see for myself,” he smirked, “see if you're as sexy in real life. I want to see if you really cum like that. Didn't expect you to be so rough.”

“I'm only rough with brats who think they can just take me,” you reviled as you found what you were looking for. You reached a foot over to slide out a chair before twisting him around to push him onto it. Hyunjin looked up at you expectantly as you stood, the panties you grabbed balled in one fist on your hip, your other hand reaching to play with his earrings again. “You didn't tell me you had pierced ears,” you provokingly laughed as he agitatedly tried to smack your hand away. “Why didn't you tell me?”

“God, you really are such a bitch,” Hyunjin grimaced.

“Not much of a prince off-camera, are you?” You sneered, tugging on his ear again and taking notice that even while Hyunjin tried to stop that, he hadn't made any other attempts to make you leave him alone or stop you. He still looked up at you, anticipating your next move.

“Come on, baby,” he laughed breathlessly, “you don’t -- hey!”

Hyunjin gasped as you tugged on the collar of his shirt, slung the panties in your hand over his head, and down around his neck. Twisting the fabric in your fist as you pulled him close, you had a chance to tangle your fingers into his hair, firmly yanking him back against your hold. He watched, eyes glued to you as you manhandled him to sit up straight in the chair.

“Manners, brat,” you smirked, “you're supposed to respect your elders.”

“Noona, I --” Hyunjin yelped as you stepped between his feet, one of your knees raised to rest on his cock, hard in his slacks.

“So close, but you're still so dumb. Apologize first.”

“I’m sorry, noona,” he gulped, his quiet plea dry and cautious. “I want you so much.”

“Is that why you ambushed me like a little pervert?” You scolded him, only pulling back on the attitude once you saw a shine of intimidation in his eyes. “Hyunjin,” you soothed, letting go of your improvised hold around his neck to cup his face, “I can stop.”

And Hyunjin smirked as he shook his head, the saccharine smile coming right back. Atta boy. “No, noona, I ‘ambushed’ you because I knew I could.”

“Disgusting,” you grinned, “I bet you wouldn’t even know what to do with me if you had me.”

Hyunjin got up now, pushing you back and standing over you as he herded you onto the dinner table.

“You think so?” He challenged arrogantly as his eager hands shoved your skirt up around your hips.

“I know so, brat,” you laughed as you smacked his hands off of you. He gasped out a moan as you groped his erection through his slacks. “I bet you don't even know how to use this. Any trust fund baby you’ve fucked has probably worshipped it without knowing any better.”

“Then let me show you,” he insisted through gritted teeth, quickly unzipping and exposing his long cock in his grip. You hazarded a glance -- an open mistake, judging by Hyunjin’s valiantly cocky grin. “Don’t you like it? Don’t you want it, noona?”

“God, you’re so insufferable,” you rolled your eyes as you watched him brazenly stroke his length, “you’ve never had someone refuse you, have you?”

“Never,” he smiled, “and I'm not about to start.” Hyunjin made a boldly stupid move as he got his hands under your thighs to pull you against him where you sat back on the table, only apparent to him once you shoved a foot in his way to hold him off of you.

“You think you deserve it?” You raised a dubious eyebrow at him, catching his eyes glued to your breasts as you slowly unbuttoned your blouse and revealed the lace bra underneath. He gulped, barely nodding as you raised the hem of your skirt just a little more, showing off the matching panties barely covering your damp pussy. “Say it, stupid, if you’re so sure of yourself.”

“I deserve it, noona,” Hyunjin breathed, pushing against your foot digging into his hip. He watched as you slowly let him fall against you, a deep groan erupting from his throat as the head of his cock prodded against your entrance.

“Prove it,” you demanded, and let Hyunjin sink into you as you gripped onto the panties around his neck once again. Hyunjin exhaled hard at the sensation of your depths squeezing his length, and you held back from reacting for him with every fiber of your being.

In truth, Hyunjin's cock felt amazing, and his moans sounded so sweet in your ear as he fucked you on the dinner table. That was the real difference you were noticing -- Hyunjin had almost no inhibitions about his own moans, they were nearly unabashed as he thrust into you, and you could feel every nuance in tandem with his wandering hands on your breasts or in your hair or gripping onto your ass. Honestly, if he wanted to pursue this, he could probably make a decent living with AV’s. You admired the way he could enter this headspace on camera, could be this vulnerable even when you weren’t truly alone.

“How is it?” You purred, forcing yourself out of your reverie.

“It's perfect,” Hyunjin spat, his hips still thrusting hard enough against you to make the dining table rock and creak. “Isn't it?”

“Well, I'm not too sure,” you teasingly sighed.

“What?! Why the fuck not?”

“All this work and no extra effort to make me cum,” you shrugged with a smile, “you are convincing me to look into selling sex toys, though.”

“You're a rotten bitch,” Hyunjin growled under his breath.

“And you're a spoiled brat,” you smirked as you leaned up to kiss his lips, noting when he did nothing but kiss back and take your continuous bait. “You said you deserve it but you haven't proven it yet.”

Hyunjin scoffed and dragged his lips to your neck, to the crook of your shoulder exposed by your open blouse, his teeth finding purchase and clamping down. His cock surged within you as you finally let out a tepid moan. He stood up straight, looking renewed at the small reward you supplied. The wheels in his head visibly turned as he started looking for more ways to make you moan and gasp for him, finally leaning you back on the table to stroke your clit with the pad of his thumb with one of your ankles slung over his shoulder. His moans grew more ragged as yours grew more intense, and your fingers gripped on the panties wrapped around Hyunjin’s neck like a leash. “Say it,” he pleaded.

“Say what, brat?” You mewled.

“Tell me I deserve it. Tell me I'm going to make you cum.”

“Hyunjin,” you nodded desperately, catching his attention and making him buck harder into you, “you’re going to make me cum.”

“And I deserve it?”

“Yes,” you gasped, “you deserve it.”

And just at the utterance of those words, Hyunjin gripped your hips hard as he came, beating you by just a second as you cried out and clutched onto his hands.

Hyunjin collapsed onto you, breathing hard, his hair smelling of conditioner and sweat as he recovered, and you absently caught yourself rubbing his back before you snatched your hand back. You eased him out of you and pushed him back onto the chair you’d pulled out and he slouched, boneless and dazed. He barely noticed as you sat up and tugged off your scant panties.

“What a lucky fan,” you simpered as you got up, setting these around his neck before plucking off the stolen pair. You leaned down, pressing your lips to his temple as you slipped on the clean panties under your skirt and smoothed it out. “Did your mentor teach you that?”

Hyunjin shook his head with a breathless smile. “No, but I'm a quick learner.” He squeezed your hand that had somehow landed on his shoulder as he glanced down at the garment strung around his neck. “What’re these for?”

“You deserve them,” you laughed, “now don’t make things weird around set.”

“Or what? We’ll have to do this again?” Hyunjin playfully challenged as you pushed open the swinging door. “Who knows, maybe I'll quit acting and start doing what you do. Maybe teach you a thing or two.”

You left, but something about Hyunjin’s comment ate at you as you descended the stairs. That is, until you noticed Chan poking his head into the laundry room. You quietly approached before giving a polite cough behind him, making him jump.

“Noona!” Chan exclaimed, a small bundle of laundry in his arms. “I was, er, looking for you. I was wondering if you’d seen Hyunjin. He left to get something to eat after he got killed off in Jisung’s campaign.”

“Hyunjin was feeling a bit worn out,” you improvised. “He’s upstairs sleeping. Didn’t you check up there?”

Chan shifted uncomfortably, “Of course. The lights were off, though, so I must not have seen him.”

“Right,” you nodded dubiously, eyeing the small bundle of laundry in Chan’s hands, “is that for me?”

“What, this? Uh, of course, that’s why I was looking for you.”

You bluntly grabbed the clothes out of Chan’s hands and stepped around him into the laundry room. “Thank you for bringing your clothes down. Goodnight, Chan,” you nodded tersely.

“Goodnight, noona.”

You sighed as you listened for Chan’s footsteps to ascend the stairs before you relaxed onto a footstool in the corner of the small room. Something felt weird. Minho’s comment. Changbin’s comment. Now Hyunjin's comment. Tiny little weird comments were building up and squeezing your stomach into knots. You couldn't talk to the producer, you couldn't talk to Felix, so who could knock some sense into you? Finally, you pulled your phone out of your apron and opened your DM’s, scrolling down to Duckie’s name. His profile picture was new: another in a long line of faceless shots, only now with his defined chest peeking out from an open hoodie and your necklace in plain view. Your stomach squeezed again. It'd been weeks since you talked by now.

>Hey, you free right now?

>>Hey! I was wondering where you are. I'm free I'm just relaxing after work.

>You ever get a really weird feeling on a set?

>>Weird like what?

[To be continued.]

#skzsmutnet #kprose-net #hwang hyunjin #hyunjin x you #hyunjin x reader #stray kids fanfiction #stray kids fanfic #kpop fanfiction #kpop fanfic #please read description

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shadyb00ts · 4 years ago

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A Chromatica Review

So I never really use Tumblr, but when I do go on here, it’s pretty much to review something long-form. As you can tell from my profile picture here, and from my glowing review of ARTPOP from 7 years ago, I am and have always been a Gaga stan. Just read the melodramatic first paragraph of my ARTPOP review and you’ll get the gist of how much I idolize this woman. Well, idolized. Past tense.

That’s not to say I suddenly hate Gaga–I’m still going to follow her career and listen to whatever she puts out. There have just been several factors this past year that have changed my perspective on how I view her, this album being one of those factors. But I’ll get to those later. First I just need to lay out all my issues with this album.

Yes, this is going to be that type of review, so if you’re a fellow Gaga stan that isn’t able to criticize her work, this probably isn’t for you. Otherwise please read to the end if you can, because this is honestly about more than just the album.

Issue #1: The Mismatch Between Music & Aesthetic

When the cover of the album came out, I was so gagged. Like, just look at it! It’s striking, and Gaga has rarely ever disappointed me when it came to visuals. Actually, I can’t even think of any visual choices she made in previous eras that disappointed me. Even in the Joanne era, the pink cowboy hat became iconic and all of her aesthetic choices fit with the overall vibe of that album cycle.

So naturally, when she revealed to us the new visual direction she was taking for Chromatica, I assumed it would give us some insight into how the music would sound. The aesthetic of this era always gave me grungy cyberpunk and heavy machinery tease. When I look at the album cover for example, I can hear a song produced by SOPHIE in my head, the clink-clank queen herself. (There were rumors that Gaga was going to or did work with SOPHIE but that was never confirmed, unfortunately for us.)

For those unfamiliar with SOPHIE, here’s Ponyboy, which was most recently used in the ad campaign for Beyoncé’s Ivy Park clothing line.

youtube

That was the kind of production I was more or less expecting when taking the visuals into account; dark, metallic, basically similar to ARTPOP’s production (to be honest ARTPOP sonically fits better with the Chromatica aesthetic; think about it).

But what did we get? Light, garden variety dance pop, a stark contrast to what the album cover and the promo images teased us with.

In the album, we get these orchestral interludes that are beautiful but don't really mesh that well with the actual tracks. The songs don't have any orchestral elements by themselves, so the interludes felt a bit misplaced to me. I wish they'd incorporated more of that into the individual songs, so that there could be an orchestral through-line to give more cohesion, like what Ariana did in her album positions by using strings. However I will say, the transition from Chromatica II into 911 remains unmatched.

I get that the album is supposed to sound happy, that it was her returning to her “dance pop roots” and singing about serious topics like mental health over happy-sounding beats, because it’s supposed to reflect her current mental state. I get all that. But if that was the case, I think she should’ve gone with a different visual direction to match. Personally I wish she went a different direction musically instead, but even if it was just the other way around and she changed the aesthetic of this era, my opinion of the album would probably improve slightly, cause at least there would be cohesion between the visuals and the sonics.

I look at that album cover, and promo images like the one below, and then I listen to songs like Fun Tonight or Plastic Doll for example, and there’s a noticeable dissonance there.

You might be thinking “why are you so hard on her for this?” and I guess it’s because I’ve always held Gaga to a high standard when it comes to how she links those two elements. Think of every era she’s had in the past, and you remember how the visuals always just worked with their respective albums.

And that’s before I’ve even talked about the videos. Oh lord, the videos.

Issue #2: The Videos Are Lackluster (Except For 911)

It started with Stupid Love, the lead single. I had mixed feelings about that song in the beginning, but because I was so thirsty for new music from Gaga at the time, I played that song like hell when it leaked and it was on rotation for a good while. But when Gaga premiered the Stupid Love video, I’m not going to lie; I really didn’t like it.

The whole “shot entirely on iPhone” schtick really did the video a disservice. I’m sorry but it had to be said. If I imagined the video with a higher budget and more of a plotline as opposed to just being a dance video, I think it could’ve worked a lot better and been a decent introduction to not only Chromatica the album, but this fictional world/planet that she’s created. Which by the way, she didn’t really deliver in that regard either.

The concept of Chromatica being a fictional world could have been expanded on further; she could’ve showcased all of the different factions (I know they were called “tribes” at first but that’s appropriative so I’ll call them factions) and perhaps had an overarching storyline about how these factions are at war, and it’s Gaga’s job as one of the “Kindness Punks”, as she calls it, to bring everyone together for a rave.

This is why I will always say it: Chromatica needed to be a visual album. Just imagine the storyline I mentioned just now being turned into a full-length feature, and now imagine the album’s orchestral intro playing as they’re essentially opening the gates to Chromatica and Gaga discovers this world for the first time, and then it goes into the first song Alice where she’s meeting all the factions and getting acclimated to her surroundings.

Honestly I could go on and on cause I have thought about this for SO LONG now and I’ll never shut up about it. It’s just such a missed opportunity cause the concept was just begging for a visual album. Anyway sorry for my tangent: back to the Stupid Love video.

The whole “shot on iPhone” gimmick really was unfortunate. Like she really ruined the quality of a music video because she wanted that Apple check??? Come on, Gaga, there could’ve been some other way to secure that check.

And then there was the Rain On Me video, which definitely have visuals that are a massive improvement from Stupid Love because it was professionally shot and cinematic. But even that was another purely dance video with not much in the way of storyline. Not that storyline is always required for music videos, but I think specifically when it comes to Chromatica, not having storylines in the M/Vs does a disservice to the overall concept.

I guess my issue with these two music videos, but mostly Stupid Love, is that Gaga isn't fully utilizing her COIN. Like she's successful enough to the point where she has budgets for these videos and can go all out, but doesn't. She has the capacity for extremely high production value, but up until 911, the last video she did that had that level of extraness was G.U.Y. I miss the days when her music videos were an event. I still remember where I was and what I was doing the exact moment the Telephone video came out. That's impact.

Taylor Swift I think is somebody who really knows how to blow her budget on a video. Look What You Made Me Do may have been a terrible song, but I always thought the video was sickening.

Anyway, I have no notes on 911. She's a masterpiece. If there was a music video category at the Oscars, I'd be campaigning for it right now.

Issue #3: Any Other Girly Can Do This

The thing I always loved the most about Gaga's music was that nobody was doing it like her. Everything she put out always felt like it was distinctly hers and hers alone, it's unmistakable. Even in Joanne, despite that album being a major departure from what she normally did.

I know Joanne is a very polarizing album, even for Little Monsters, but personally I've always loved it. Joanne was an album that I always knew she would make and I thought was essential to her career and body of work. Despite her straying away from pop for a more earthy, grass roots sound, it still sounded very much like her music. Even from the first track, Diamond Heart, her DNA is all over that.

It's difficult to explain what exactly I mean when I say there's a certain signature "Gaga-ness" or that she has a very specific DNA injected into her songs. If you've been a fan of hers for a long time or followed her career, you probably understand what I'm referring to. It's the way she laughs maniacally in the beginning of ARTPOP on Aura, how she says "I don't speak German but I can if you like, OW!" and proceeds to recite broken German on Scheiße, how she invented the phrase "disco stick", literally the ENTIRETY of The Fame Monster.

These examples probably give you the gist of what I'm trying to convey. Gaga is fucking weird. She has always been fucking weird and I love that so much about her. And her brand of weirdness was so specific that if any of the other pop girls tried to do what she did, it would have been cringey as hell. To me, the most disappointing thing of all with this album was that this weirdness that was so uniquely hers was missing.

It's there in brief moments, in tracks like Sour Candy, 911 and Babylon, but most of the album doesn't really sound like her music. It sounds like songs that she wrote for other people, like her old unreleased stuff. OG Little Monsters probably remember songs like Second Time Around and No Way. These were leaked unreleased songs that Gaga had written for other artists, and even though they were absolute bops, they didn't sound like her. They weren't supposed to.

A similar feeling I had was when her song The Cure came out a few years ago. I genuinely thought that was something she wrote for someone else, cause even though it was a solid pop song, it absolutely had zero Gaga-ness and any current pop girl could sing it. This pretty much encapsulates how I feel about the majority of Chromatica.

I was gonna say it sounded like songs that were written for Ally, her Star is Born character, but I think even those pop songs from the soundtrack sounded more Gaga than Chromatica does. 💀 I can easily imagine Hair Body Face being on The Fame.

Final Thoughts

It's funny that the last review I had posted on here before this was my review of Kingdom Hearts III. The Kingdom Hearts game series is something that's very near and dear to my heart, and I waited a wholeass decade for the third game to come out. And then it did, and I was so disappointed.

So you know what happened after that? What helped me deal with my disappointment of that game was my anticipation for Chromatica, or at the time it was still called LG6. I had no idea I would feel the same exact way about this album the way I do about KH3. Now when I think of both of these things, I'm mostly frustrated by all of the potential and the missed opportunities, but I also look at them with a certain fondness. I had fun playing KH3, and I also had fun listening to Chromatica, despite both of them disappointing me overall.

In the beginning of this review I said that there were certain factors that have stopped me from idealizing Gaga too much. Firstly it's because I'm much older now, and secondly it's due to the sheer state of the world this past year. The pandemic really precipitated the fall of celebrity culture, and all of that made me really examine how putting someone on such a high pedestal can be damaging in the long run.

Gaga is a human being and I haven't agreed with everything she's done, particularly how she handled the whole R. Kelly situation back in 2013. And also the simple fact that she's a white woman, we know how a lot of the time they can't help but show their asses and are bound to disappoint us in some way. I'm forever grateful for her artistry and how she saved my life when I was a suicidal little eighth grader, but I'm also going to hold her accountable for any of her mistakes, and I'd be ready to stop supporting her entirely if anything she does ever goes too far.

Now I stan artists for fun. It's not healthy to idolize them to the point of revering them. I mean, I like to make jokes like that about Beyoncé, like "no way on Beyoncé's green earth", etc. But even she is just a person that we shouldn't deify for real.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that Chromatica being a lackluster album and era ended up being a good thing, because it helped me grow out of idolizing celebrities too intensely. Chromatica was pretty much the best disappointment I've ever listened to.

If you've read all the way to the end, thank you! Writing this was very therapeutic but also stressful; this is a second draft cause Tumblr fucked up my first post. 😭

Anyway, SAWAYAMA & Ungodly Hour are albums of the year. Argue with the wall.

#album review #gaga #lady gaga #chromatica #pop music #review #music

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joecial-distancing · 4 years ago

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2019 in review in review:

A few years ago I started tracking yearly goals, books read, movies watched etc in a year, along with overview blurbs, in private posts. End of 2019/beginning of 2020 I was really frazzled/burned out about a lot of stuff and just never finished up making the thing. 8 months later, got the urge to read back what I’d got done, then figured I’d maybe go ahead and see about finishing.

Media tracking below the break. thoughts/blurbs written in 2020 italicized, 2019 not.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_____________________________~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Didn’t do so hot on explicit personal goals, but had a lot of stuff go ok around them this year.

School’s been fine/better than fine.

Job’s probably the biggest failing. Still with same job, haven’t made the firm moves to jump off, dragging my feet too much on exploring stuff w/ Columbia/NASA GISS.

Did not get better with covid, lol

Dating life still non-existent, but I’ve registered on apps, gotten more comfortable with selfies, improved general social life dramatically, been flirted with, updated my wardrobe, and generally started to get comfortable accepting that I’m a hot person.

Somehow got extremely better during covid.

Books

Grant (finished)

We stan a taurus legend

Guy was good at exactly one job, and was fortunate enough to have been in the right place/right time to get to do it.

Mort (discworld)

Definitely best discworld I’ve gotten to so far.

Don Quixote p. II

Really entertaining in a way that part 1 wasn’t; I was shocked how much the meta element landed for me.

Consider the Lobster (DFW collection)

had zero context on who DFW is/was when I read, and still don’t exactly tbh. Wanted to wait for a pause in The Discourse before diving into more of him, but dunno if I’m ever going to get that.

Crime and Punishment (revisited)

Weirdly didn’t get much more out of this than I did the first time I’d read it

Better Than Sex (HST Gonzo papers)

Xerox/widespread fax accessibility opening citizen access to mass media in a manner really reminiscent of what social media would go on to do at a much larger scale. Has a much more deliberate narrative arc than the other gonzo papers collections, also has that excellent HST richard nixon eulogy

The Brothers Karamazov

SPQR

Slouching Towards Bethlehem (Didion collection)

Pet Sematary

Not my favorite King, but not bad

Sourcery (discworld)

still funny/charming, but Mort really made clear/reminded me how much the hapless sadsack Rincewind mold of protagonist wears on me after a while.

The Devil's Teeth

My Year of Rest and Relaxation

Liked it a lot more once I realized it was doing a Fear and Loathing thing.

Homage to Catalonia

This should be the Orwell that gets taught in schools. Make it a followup to All Quiet on the Western Front or something, jeez.

Lyndon Johnson I

Having now finished all of them, this one’s probably the least-interesting but sets up a bunch of important context that the others still then feel the need to retread.

The Razor's Edge

Recommended to me as a “white guy discovers eastern mysticism” book, but also is more interesting in its treatment of that than I’d expected (helps it was written in the 40s).

Cat's Cradle

There’s a part in this where Vonnegut’s making fun of people who try to bond with strangers over being Hoosiers, and my dumbass immediate thought was “ooh, Vonnegut’s a hoosier? Me too!”

Lyndon Johnson II

Robert Caro felt compelled to apologize for spending so much words lionizing Coke Stevens, segregationist opponent to Johnson’s senate run. His goal was pretty clearly to show lbj’s lack of campaign charisma by contrast, definitely definitely overcommitted in his own narrativising.

Libra

I want to go back to this after reading some more De Lillo.

Gravity's Rainbow

This book absolutely kicked my ass

Overstuffed and referential in a specific way that really keeps me hooked in instead of put off. When I learn about some piece of cultural context that I retroactively recognize as being referenced in this, I want to go back and reread the entire thing.

From Caligari to Hitler

Kind of fails both as film criticism and cultural analysis, but absolutely made me want to run for the hills when considering current relationship between mainstream movies and demands of pop culture.

I took a class on Weimar cinema in undergrad that I now realize was probably biting pretty heavily from this and never once referenced it.

Movies

Venom

Movie itself is not as fun as the Tom Hardy hype coverage. PG13 was the absolute worst space to aim for, PG- or R- versions of this could have been a blast.

Harryhauser Argonauts

Was tripping when I put this on, and it was all kinds of fun.

2001: a Space Oddyssey

First time seeing this, all-time classic for a reason!

A Good American (the NSA doc)

Dr. Strangelove

Mel Brooks History of the World p. I

Not my favorite Brooks, best joke was at the beginning.

In Bruges

Had been a while since I saw a proper dark comedy.

Spiderverse

Fukkin awesome!

Visually great, and extremely better than usual superhero stuff for being aimed at PG instead of PG-13.

You Only Live Twice

Highlander (Revisited)

I watched The Old Guard on netflix recently and it mostly just made me wish I was watching Highlander instead, because at least Highlander knows exactly how goofy it is

Moonraker

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Much like The Shining, I though this would have been 100% spoiled for me by cultural osmosis, but turns out it wasn’t, and even the scenes I had seen *totally landed* in-context still.

Kung Fu Hustle

Ichi the Killer

Really gross, really fun

Matrix Reloaded (watched thru highway scene) (Revisited)

The highway scene was not nearly as cool as I remembered it being.

John Wick 3*

Probably dumbest plot of all of them, best choreography. I like how every single fight had its own distinct flavor. “Knife museum fight” “horse fight” “halle berry dogs fight”

Akira

A classic

Pet Sematary * (ugh, bad)

Why can’t john lithgow be in good movies anymore

The Revenant

MCU Spiderman

Fuck this was awful.

MCU Spiderman 2*

Really weird, complete Rorschach Test of a movie: it’d be totally valid to read into this that global warming is Fake News, for instance.

Lmao this was completely awful

Rites

Dredd (non-stallone)

oh hey Lena Headey’s in this

For All Mankind!

Watched in honor of moon landing anniversary

Lion King *

Watched it way too stoned, was like dark side of the moon + wizard of oz except instead it’s a lion king script reading + nature footage edited for lip syncing.

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood *

Many scenes of very long setups for really stupid shaggy dog jokes, which sometimes worked and sometimes didn’t. I do kinda want to rewatch now knowing more about manson, which I knew pretty much nothing about beforehand

Blowout

A good john lithgow movie

also I think I like travolta in things.

Lord of War

A Good cage movie

I like when Eamon Walker shows up in stuff.

Taxi Driver

A classic

Snowpiercer

Watched in a bar with only one speaker working, which is the correct way to watch. Weirder and funnier than I thought it was going to be, which still doesn’t make it good, but,

dbz big green dub

Exorcist III

Brad Dourif just tearing it apart

Deep Red (argento)

Suspiria (1977)

Watched the remake in 2020, which was ok, but nothing tops the Goblin score.

Elf Bowling

Thanks, Gnome

Parasite *

Interesting to me that this one seems poised to hang around people’s good esteem for a while

FMA: B

Rick & Morty

Saw some episodes, generally pretty funny, some misanthropy that’s probably appealing to a certain type of teen al a something like House, but ultimately I don’t totally Get the intensity of discourse about it.

Leterkenny

Mob Psycho 100

One Punch Man

Deadwood

Watchmen

Only watched like half of it. Was playing around with a lot of hefty imagery/thematics, but didn’t really seem ready to rise above playing (tho also I feel like it’s weird on some level to *expect* them to rise above that in the first place)

Music

New Avantasia

HEALTH/ show

lol remember concerts

King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard/ show

Just learned about King Gizz in 2019 and got completely obsessed with them. I don’t tend to expand my music selection very readily, and a lot of what I currently *do* know is old/inactive stuff, so it was/is incredibly exciting to have an active group with good momentum just immediately win me over like that.

Mistimed the edibles and ended up with a really good finale and a really long subway ride home.

New Yeasayer

Sad they split up

Steve Wilson Tull remixes

Aqualung’s a good album and the sound mixing’s kinda bad, so I liked this project.

Stonefield

Opened for Gizzard. Really good as studying music

Video Games

Civ VI: Gathering Storm

Hades

Turns out Supergiant’s design proclivities all work *extremely well* on a roguelike

Baba is You

Untitled Goose Game

Cute, if maybe a bit overhyped

finally fucking finished Pillars of Eternity

Had fun with it, but too long, and really dour for how long it is.

Pillars II

Kinda drifted off it eventually, but I do genuinely like that the flavor of the fantasy is colonial era rather than medieval.

There’s a Balancing Bastard Factions element where it’s like the writers are just being smartasses after a while. Having to go extremely out of their way to make siding with colonizers seem like a competitive option.

Pokemon shield

Cuphead

pisses me off, which was a nice outlet when I was stranded by flight cancellations during thanksgiving

Celeste

Also very difficult, but really easy to stay patient with, which is nice.

Disco Elysium

None of the discourse made me want to play this, but people talking about the mechanical stuff it did got me extremely interested. Mostly Delivered IMO.

Breath of the Wild

You can approach the nodes of the main quest in the order you choose, and the second one I chose made ninjas start fucking spawning everywhere when I’m just trying to explore, and there’s no way to make it stop. May go back to it one day.

Podcasts

Relentless Picnic Patreon feed

The treats really helped me start distinguishing individual personalities, compared to the regular eps.

Picnic Discord!

FatT Counterweight

Fun, but also I think Mechs are not my shit.

FatT Spring in Hieron/ end of that particular world

8 months since I’ve last tuned into FatT. ah well.

Law School

He’s in everythiiiing!

You Must Remember This: Manson family

*There’s* the context