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sabraeal · 7 months

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in a world of locked doors, she's an open window; Part 1

[Read on AO3]

There are few things Gojo could say he is unequivocally— naturally— good at. There's school— that’s what Kitagawa-san would tell him, pointing at his middling scores, ones that always make the board but never quite the top. But that isn’t natural talent; no, that is the result of weeks of study, of all the small bites he takes each night to help digest the whole.

And sewing too— that’s what Ji-chan would say. Or rather, you make a fine mebina, Wakana, accompanied by an affectionate pat on the shoulder— if he could still reach— but what he means is the clothes they wear. And he might be right, but…

But Gojo remembers the pile of small kimono he had to remake those first few months while he struggled to understand ‘cutting on the bias.’ Or how the first pattern he drafted refused to fit together at the shoulder, mismeasured so badly that Ji-chan had sat at his elbow for his next attempt, gently reminding him to mind both size and proportion. Not to mention those first costumes he made Kitagawa-san— forgetting that unlike dolls, humans needed to move in their clothes, needed to breathe, and…

And sometimes he simply wonders if, unlike everyone else, he doesn’t have talents so much as struggles he simply got better at handling. Or didn’t, considering how half a year away from graduation he still can’t get the eyebrows to sit right on this kashira.

“It’s good, Wakana,” Ji-chan grunts, shuffling behind him. “I’d be proud to put a doll like that on display.”

Gojo squints, tracing the curve of his brush. “It’s not like yours.”

Laughs do not so much bubble up from Ji-chan as they do burble, like a stream squeezing itself through the gravel in his throat. “And why would it be? Don’t you know how long have I been at this?”

“Forty—?”

“Fifty!” Ji-chan barks, setting a stack of loose-bound books on the table before he settles under it. “It’s fifty this year. And even if I didn’t have all those years on you…”

No kashira painter holds the brush the same way. A fair point, if Gojo didn’t objectively hold his worse. “What are those?”

Ji-chan blinks, staring down at those books as if he hadn’t seen them before. “What? These? They’re the accounts. Sales, purchases, that sort of things. You’ve seen them around, haven’t you?”

Once, when he was still able to wriggle into Ji-chan’s lap. He’d let him flip through it, marveling at the endless pages of cramped characters— and closed it when Gojo had squinted at a few strokes and tried to stumble through the words. They’re notes for me, he’d sniffed, dust whuffing up from the pages, not everyone has to be able to work them out.

“I though you would have switched to, er…” Gojo clamps his teeth around the word, digital. The shop might have a website— one designed by his uncle nearly fifteen years ago now, when he insisted that any legitimate business needed an online presence— but Ji-chan still wouldn’t get an email address. “I didn’t realize you still had, um, physical copies.”

“There’s nothing wrong with doing it by hand,” he huffs, hunching over his arms. “And now when that accountant comes, I can just hand him the whole thing. No fuss at all! Not like with those file things.”

Gojo can’t bring himself to mention that using 'one of those file things' would mean the accountant didn’t have to come to them. Then again, knowing Ji-chan, that would be yet another tally in the ‘con’ category— much as he might like to say that he preferred to stay at the studio, surrounded by familiar faces, Ji-chan could spend hours on quick trips to the corner store, coming back not only with the ingredient for dinner, but whose grandson just went to medical school, or which neighbor's daughter is having yet another bundle of joy.

Instead, he manages, “We have an accountant?”

“Of course! You don’t think I do all this math myself, do you?” Ji-chan laughs, shaking his head. “You’re a smart kid, Wakana, but you got that from your grandmother. I might have done all the work, but she was the one who kept the lights on.”

His hand sweeps over a hard cover, a fond smile chasing on its heels. Gojo’s tongue twists, useless in his mouth, and— and it’s not often that they talk about it, about what it was like before. Before it was just them, trying to make the empty space feel like home. He wants to say something, should say something, but he’s never known how to put this sort of thing into words— how to say, I miss them too and I’m glad it was you all at once.

“And now I have to pay someone else to make sure I don’t muck it up.” Ji-chan pats the cover with a rueful chuckle. “Costs a pretty penny too!”

Gojo frowns, setting the kashira aside in its canisters. “Can I see one of those?”

Ji-chan blinks. “If you’d like.”

“I would.” He slides the ledger across the table, hefting the cover open. Ji-chan’s spiky scrawl stretches across every page, too much at first, too messy, but then--

Then they setting in into neat columns, numbers running up one side of the page and labels down the other.

There may not be much that comes naturally to him, but holding this ledger in his hands, seeing how the rows tally and the columns coalesce into concrete answers— this decision finally does. “I think I could do this.”

Ji-chan glances up from across the table. “Wakana?”

“For—for the shop,” he clarifies, tongue tripping over itself to keep up with his thoughts. “I think I could learn to do this.”

It’s silent for a moment, both of them sitting utterly still, Ji-chan’s wide eyes not even blinking.

“Well,” he creaks, after a moment. “Do you think that’s something that needs a degree?”

It all falls together quite quickly, after that. There’s relief on his homeroom teacher’s face when he stops by the office, the fabric of his uniform pants scratching his palms as he tells her he’s changed his mind about university. There’s the exams of course— and a round of cram school in the fall, expensive enough that Gojo feels balanced on a knife’s edge, wondering if the money they might save will ever equal what he’s spent trying to learn.

Kitagawa-san only laughs when he worries.

“I guess I’ll just have to cosplay twice as much.” It’s hard to take her seriously when she’s taking bites from a burger the size of her own head; a promotional item she’d dragged him into the heart of Saitama to try. “Then you’ll break even like nothing!”

“I only charge you for materials, Kitagawa-san,” he reminds her. Expensive ones, sometimes, but it’s worth it to see the way she lights up, looking at herself and seeing someone she loves.

“Well, you should let me pay you for your labor or whatever, my dude!” Her hand whips across the table, smacking his shoulder hard enough to make him jump. “Maybe then Juju-chan won’t say I’m a total mooch.”

Freeloader, that’s the word Inui-san uses. And once, more memorably, deadbeat. “I couldn’t…”

“Whaaat?” Kitagawa-san nearly launches herself over the table to stare at him, a smear of some condiment at the corner of her mouth. He tries— uselessly— not to stare. “Why not?”

“Ah…” His mouth works, trying to wrap itself around a reason. Because you were my first customer— too sterile, not a lie but dodging the truth enough to make his shoulders itch. Because you’re my friend— but he has others now, ones that do pay him in full, and she knows it. Because you were my first friend— still not quite true.

Because there’s no better payment than to see you happy. Ah, that’s— that’s not something he can say either. Maybe Amano-san could; he was charming, able to say the most heartfelt words like a performance. But Gojo— Gojo could only sound earnest, and she would be able to hear it, all the other words he can never say, and—

“Oh,” he murmurs, holding up the menu between them. “Did you see they have desserts?”

For so long— maybe even earlier than primary school, earlier than the day his only friend ran out the door with tears in her eyes— it felt as if every door had been locked against him. As if even asking to open a window in this room he’d made for himself was an imposition, a burden that could only be begrudgingly carried, and never for long. And then Kitagawa-san had come, dragging him out into the light of day, showing him how to do more than ask for some elbow room, but take up space, and—

And so it’s strange now to watch how the very stars align to make all this happen. A few extra commissions roll in just in time to make cram school not only break even but put him in the black again. He only sits in three exams— all of them to colleges either in or near enough to Saitama to allow him to still stay with Ji-chan— sweating through each one only to find himself posted on every acceptance list. He chooses the closest, and—

And now he’s here, seated toward the back of the lecture hall, squinting at the screen, trying to discern whether that's some new mathematical symbol on the teacher's notes or a flaw in the screen.

“Gojo-kun. Gojo-kun.” He glances sternly from the corner of his eyes, sighing at big dark ones staring back, half-black, half-red ponytails bobbing. “Do you have an eraser?”

Darting a glance toward the front of the hall— the professor is still elbow deep in his explanation— he fishes one out from his bag.

“Thanks,” Sugaya-san chirps. “Hey, this lecture hall is pretty full, huh? Weird.”

It’s the beginning of the semester, he wants to tell her—would, if they weren’t supposed to be in class. Most of these diligent academics will peel away over the next few weeks, until only he and a handful of other students scattered across the seats in the hall. Something Sugaya-san might know, if she hadn’t spent last year doing the same thing. Or at least she had in the classes they shared, taking shifts at her family’s restaurant and begging notes off him instead.

“You know what?” Her head tilts, thoughtful. “I think I gotta pee. Watch my stuff?”

“Sugaya-san!” he hisses, whipping toward her. “Class is almost—!”

It’s no good, her chair is already empty— aside from the bag slung over its back— the door to the classroom snicking shut at her heels. Gojo sighs, shaking his head. No wonder she and Kitagawa-san are friends; neither of them can sit still for a minute.

“If you have any questions” —Gojo’s head snaps to the front of the class, watching as the professor turns off the display, a handful of students already on their feet— “Please comes to the front. These problems will be on your exam.”

There’s only a trickle of his classmates that wind their way to the professor’s desk, most of them preferring to hurry out the door. Gojo’s tempted to join them; there’s only an hour until his next class, his only opportunity to eat before he gets home this evening. Enough time for a leisurely lunch, if he brought a bento or ran out to get one from the konbini around the corner, but—

But it’s the longest break in his whole schedule, and the only one that coincides with one in Kitagawa-san’s. Kitagawa-san, whose break is one and a half hours and likes to try something new each day. He just has to hope his meal comes quick enough that he can sit and eat.

Gojo glances down at Sugaya-san’s bag, slung over the seat. He can’t just leave her things here. But maybe he could take it with him-- she' eats with them after all, and he'd be saving her the trouble of carrying it to the restaurant--

“Wacchan?”

His muscles seize so quickly he nearly chokes. He’s…he’s hearing things. He must be.

His knuckle blanch where he grips his bag, bone white against navy blue. Maybe, it’s for someone else. Yes, someone else. No one’s called him that since—

“Wacchan?” There’s a laugh— not familiar, not as a woman’s voice, but he recognizes it anyway. Would have recognized it anywhere, even in a crowd, since it had been his favorite sound when— “Sorry, no one probably calls you that anymore. Maybe…Wakana-kun?”

Gojo’s head jerks up, and he— he must be mistaken. There’s no way that he— that she— that those eyes could be so familiar, not even if it’s her. Not when…when it’s been so long…?

“E-excuse me. Do I…?” Know you feels…abrupt. Terse. Curt, even. But he’s not sure what else he can say, not when his eyes keep trying to add a small side tail to the side of her bob, when what keeps echoing in his head is—

Why do you like girls’ dolls, Wacchan? You’re a boy. His breath comes barbed now, sticking spines into his chest each time takes one in. I hate you, Wacchan!

“Ah…” He clears his throat, a half dozen of those little spikes clattering down his windpipe. “Have we…met?”

Her head cocks, the once too-short bangs now perfectly cut to slip across her forehead. “Have I really changed that much?” Her mouth curves, mischievous. “You wouldn’t forget your best friend, would you?”

“N-n”— it’s terrible how easy the shape comes to his mouth, like it’s been waiting— “Non-chan?”

Her mouth rounds, matching the wide shape of her eyes, and he claps a hand over his own. “Sorry. I mean…Mizuno-san. It’s…nice to see you again.”

He says it politely-- friendly even. The way Ji-chan does when he can’t quite place a customer. But her forehead scrunches up, and— what if she cries? Right here, where anyone might hear, calling him a freak or a— a degenerate, or even—

“Mizuno-san?” she sighs instead, disappointed. “Are you really going to call me that?”

“I c-can’t just call you, N-n” —his voice drops to a whisper— “Non-chan. You’re not…we’re not little kids. It wouldn’t be…appropriate.”

Her lip juts out, just the way it used to. “Well…you don’t have to be so formal, do you?”

He makes an uncertain noise, more cornered animal than grown man, but she only stares up at him, eyes so wide, so expectant, he blurts out, “A-are you in this class? I haven’t…um…seen you…”

“I hadn’t either until today. I usually sit a little further back.” She gestures vaguely toward the other end of the room. “But I saw you sit down— you’re really tall, you know? Way bigger than most guys— and I was sure I recognized you. I worried that it might be too weird to say something— it’s been a long time right? And guys’ faces change so much— but then I saw, well…”

Her chin jerks to the open flap on his back, right where black hair and an enigmatic smile peer out from the pocket— his latest kashira, not the least bit hidden. “Ah! Oh…I…haah…”

“Your grandfather still runs that place, doesn’t he?”

“Um…” Gojo clears his throat, fists clenching tight around the back’s strap. “Yes. He does.”

Mizuno-san lets out the lightest laugh, eyes crinkling up at the corner, and all at once, it’s real. It’s her. Non-chan. Only older now, grown up in a way he’s not sure he’s achieved. “I guess that means you really are going to get saddled with that place, huh?”

“I…” It’s true; the shop will be his when Ji-chan retires— if he ever does— but there’s something about how she says that— saddled— that doesn’t sit right. That feels less like an honor but an obligation. “I don’t—”

“Ah, hey, Gojo-kun!” A small hand smack him in the vicinity of his shoulder, falling a few inches short of the goal. “Thanks for watch my stuff, bro. Want to…”

Sugaya-san trails off, eyes darting to where Mizuno-san stands, smile wide but eyes tight. “You…uh…good, my man?”

“Yes,” he lies. “Ah, I just…Mizuno-san, er…we…uh…”

“Didn’t I just say you didn’t need to call me that?” she laughs, not as bright as before. “I’m Mizuno Nobara. Wacchan and I went to elementary school together.”

Sugaya-san’s perfectly plucked eyebrows disappear behind the sharp horizon of her bangs. “You did.”

“Yes,” Mizuno-san says tightly. “You must be…one of his friends?”

“Sugaya.” She glances at him, too quick, before adding, “Sugaya Nowa. We met in high school. Through Marin-chan! Who, uh, just texted.”

Gojo blinks, fumbling with his pockets. He hadn’t even thought to look, not even when class got out. “She did?”

“Yeah, while I was peeing.” She flicks on her phone, squinting down at the screen. “She says there’s some place she’s been dying to try out around the corner. We can meet her there.”

“Oh.” He glances up at the classroom clock, wincing at the time. “We should hurry if we don’t want to be last for ethics.”

“Ethics,” she groans, throwing back her head. “Last thing I want to talk about after lunch is like, hostile takeover stuff. We shoulda taken the morning one.”

With infinite patience, he reminds her, “It was at eight o’clock.”

“Ugh, gross.”

“Oh, you have plans?” Mizuno-san asks, mouth settling into a grimace. “I thought if you were free we might go catch up, but…?”

“Yep yep.” Sugaya seizes his arm like pet birds take to a perch, fingernails digging in hard enough to turn his half-started sentence into a squeak. “Super set. Like, written in stone kinda can’t-move-it. Ritual disembowelment type thing.”

“Oh.” Mizuno-san’s wide eyes linger on him, wistful. “Some other time, I guess.”

“Y-yes! Definitely.” He tries a smile, but by Sugaya-san’s grimace, he’s wide of the mark. “That would be…nice?”

“Okie dokie time to go,” she sing-songs, dragging him out by the arm. “Nice to meetcha, childhood friend-chan. Seeya next time!”

There's a strange taste in his mouth as they leave the lecture hall, a nagging feeling that he has somehow missed something important. He means to ask Sugaya-san once they've gotten outside, but--

But Gojo’s barely put a whole foot into the hallway when there’s a squeal of sneakers against polished floor; his only warning before arms wrap right around his middle, fake nails catching on the fabric at his stomach. “Gojo-senpai!”

“K-kitagawa-san!” His hands hover useless over her cross arms, uncertain of how to untangle himself from her. “I-I told you that you don’t have to c-call me that.”

“Awww, but it’s true, my dude!” Her whole weight slumps against his back, warm and wiggling, like an overexcited puppy. Which he wouldn’t mind, not at all, except— except her underwire digs into his spine, a firm reminder of just what is pressed against him, and well…

Well, he’d like to be able to think for the duration of this conversation, that’s all. Not lose track of every word she says two syllables in as his brain forced him to imagine what it might look like if he had the neck flexibility to appreciate it. “I appreciate that, Kitagawa-san, but—”

“But I’m your kouhai,” she pouts, chin hooking around his elbow. “And you’re my senpai. Omigod, does that mean you should be taking care of me? Wait, that sounds so funny right? ‘Gojo-senpai, please take care of—’”

“We’re the same age!” Heat licks up his neck, stained pink as a shrimp’s shell. “I don’t think the same rules apply just because you, er…”

Started late. That’s what he meant to say. But it feels…rude, the way late bloomer had felt when his teachers had whispered it between their desks. Like somehow she’s behind because she’d spent a whole year flying around, doing exactly what she loved and getting paid for it.

“Huh? Why not?” Her head cocks, the grip she has on him loosening. Physically, at least. “You’re still my senior, aren’t you? I mean like, if we didn’t know each other, I’d totally call you senpai, and everyone would think that was like, super normal and stuff, so—”

“Marin-chan,” Sugaya-san sighs, pigtails tilting over her shoulders. “You’re torturing him again.”

“Whaaat?” He shivers when she steps back, hands hooked around her hips, a chill seeping up his spine. “I’m not! Totes not. Right, Gojo-senpai? Not torture at all, nu-uh.”

“Ah…” She turns huge eyes on him, so hopeful, and all he can manage is a half-hearted, “K-kitagawa-san…”

“Mah-ri-ne.” Sugaya-san pulls out each syllable, impatient. “Are we going to eat or what?”

“Uh, yes? I’m starving, my dude!” Kitagawa-san prances around him, sneaker squeaking as she twirls to his front. “You’re starving too, right, Gojo-kun?”

Gojo clear his throat. That’s better at least. “I…could eat.”

“Then let’s bounce!” She claps, smile blinding over her steepled fingers. “Where should we go? I just saw a guy like two days ago selling those meat-wrapped onigiri across from the student center or whatever, so maybe—”

“Ah!” Panic grips him at the thought of her cholesterol. “I thought…didn’t Sugaya-san say you had a place in mind?”

Kitagawa-san blinks. “I did?”

“Didn’t you?” His gaze darts to where Sugaya-san stands, too innocent.

“Sorry, bro.” Neither her words nor her shrug are the least bit contrite. “Thought it looked like you needed a rescue, so I did what I had to do, you know.”

He, in fact, does not know, but before he can inform her of the fact, Kitagawa-san’s eyes go huge in her face. “Rescue?” She’s practically starry-eyed, glancing between the two of them. “You needed to be rescued?”

“N-not as—”

“Sure looked like it,” Sugaya-san tosses over her shoulder, ambling down the hall. Her stride is two steps to Kitagawa-san’s one, and with hers one to his two, well— it doesn’t take long to catch up. Not when Kitagawa-san is so interested, at least. “Some girl came up to him after class. Said she was his childhood friend and then tried to get him to a secondary location and everything.”

“I-I don’t think you need to say it l-like that—”

“Secondary location?” Kitagawa-san breathes. “Childhood friend?”

“You looked uncomfortable,” she drawls, unconvinced. “So I did what anyone would do: lie a whole bunch and hope it works. Which it did! You can thank me any time.”

He nearly does, mouth already halfway wrapped around the word before he stops himself. “Mizuno-san wasn’t—”

“She was.”

“I don’t—”

It’s too much for Kitagawa-san; a squeal is his only warning before she bursts out with a shrill, “Oh-em-gee!”

Her hands clap over her mouth. “A friend? From when you were kids? That’s unreal, Gojo-kun!”

He can’t quite guess how; it always seemed as if everyone had one but him, as if he were the odd one out for not having a group of friends from middle school he struggled to keep up with, but—

“Omigod, you should invite her! To lunch I mean!” Kitagawa-san bounces on her toes, not so much walking as skipping beside him. “We’d get to hear all about what you were like in school? Ahhh, how fun would that be, right?”

Her cheeks are flushed, eyes shining, and yet his stomach twists, even though he can’t account for why. “I-I don’t know…”

“Come on, please?” Her nails snag on the placard of his button down, pulling him toward the orbit of her eyes. “I promise I’ll be totes normal about it. Even if she tells us about your cute baby cheeks. Omigod, or has pictures? Do you think she has pictures?”

He grimaces. There's a horrifying thought. “I don’t….think so.”

Her shoulders hunch, defeated. “Aww, well, still. You should invite her! I bet we’d have a great time.”

Sugaya-san shakes her head. “I dunno, seems like a bad idea.”

“Really?” Kitagawa-san blinks over at her. “How?”

One small hand juts out, giving a uncertain shake. “Vibes.”

“Well, that seems like a silly reason not to try.” She swings back to Gojo, all smiles. “You’ll ask her won’t you? I promise I won’t ask for anything else all week.”

“Er…” He doubts that promise will last the walk. “If you really want to.”

She nods. “I do.”

Sugaya-san snorts. “Your funeral.”

#my dress up darling #sono bisque doll wa koi wo suru #gojo/marin #my fic #future fic #a world of locked doors #kisekoi #1000 followers #listen i have always wondered when we were going to see the childhood friend again #because it's so obvious that her freak out comes from this big kiddo crush #like we're missing such big context for how this all comes about #and the anime really plays this as like. little kid jealousy #and all i could think is. this girl is going to grow up. what does this sort of jealousy look like #especially when the boy you liked got So Cute. and hangs out with literal models #Gojo considers himself so on the outside right now. or well less so post that idol arc #but it would never occur to him that someone could look at him NOW with all these beautiful women #and think he was anything but a friend

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