#but fandoms these days are so fucking toxic it's unbearable

[angelofsmalldeath-codeine]

What we lose in art when blogs leave the platform

Last night I was working on my fics database (I’m the spreadsheet kinda autistic) and checking if the links I had were still working and trying to fetch links for the ones I had recently added. I was upset about the number of blogs gone (some might have changed name and I haven't kept up and that one is on me). Some really amazing stories, art and overall fun is all gone. Precious interactions that help build the community totally vanished.

The vitriol and unjustified hate I see spewed everywhere has gotten to unbearable levels. I’ve been in fandoms and fanfic communities since the days of printed zines and yahoo/geocities groups that were uber hard to get into. I have survived all the websites that shutdown leading us to mourn the loss of that work. Fanfic was akin to contraband and harshly judged. We know we are weirdos, hence why we find community in alternative spaces away from the mainstream.

It feels like people want us to go underground again. Cool, we can do that, but we gonna be gatekeeping the hell outta these spaces then.

What peeves me the most is the puritanical take that has been recently brought into the space and how that’s used to measure others and judge them on some standards they are not even aware of until they start getting hate. Said hate is usually delivered via anon asks, of course, because god forbid them having the decency of defending their shitty takes, right?

Still on the puritanical take, the goalpost seems to change often too. It is self-serving. Kink shaming/topic judging is the default mode until someone decides they like that particular thing and it is no longer controversial. Why are you censoring your peers? Why do you assume that everyone subscribes to your beliefs, tastes, preferred topics and tropes? The performative activism isn't a good look either.

Sometimes this fandom feels like the mormons who do the soaking thing so they can get off before marriage without actually fucking. If the cock goes in because my friend is jumping on the mattress, that is on the mattress, not on me. I digress but y'all get the gist.

I have been on this hellsite since its launch and have seen many fandoms come and go. The assholes eventually fuck off to be toxic somewhere else, but they do tend to jump from fandom to fandom for a while until their reputation and toxicity catches up with them. It takes too long and the damage they cause is often quite extensive.

We are not in competition with each other here. I have said it so many times... Tumblr isn't a monetised platform and fanfic is a gift economy. Leave your fucking TikTok and Instagram cut throat mentality at the door. We don't tear each other down trying to build ourselves up in this house.

During the pandemic fanfic came into the mainstream mostly because of people on TikTok. Great! We are a welcoming bunch and it makes us happy that more people can find joy in consuming fan made art of their favourite shows and ships in whatever form they choose.

It is not because we've opened the door that we will let y'all trash the room. I'm sure you were raised better than that.

Can you not be assholes? Much appreciated.

P.S.: I am too old to care and have zero fucks left to give about anyone's feelings getting offended over this. Fuck you very much.

[ilikekidsshows]

I'll never forgive this show for how outright emotionally toxic they made Marinette. She's like an abusive boyfriend who tells his girlfriend to always tell him if something is wrong and then makes everything about herself and tells the gf what to "truly" feel because HE is so "mature and experienced" unlike the gf

Didn't Marinette do exactly that with Shadybug when she dared to say that Marinette has a great life in comparison to her? Marinette outright told her "you're wrong" and acted as if she's kind for invalidating her opinion and feelings because she thinks SHE KNOWS BETTER and doesn't have anything good in her life

Anyone who thinks they know pain thats bigger than Marinette's is "wrong" and Marinette a kind martyr for telling people how to be and what to feel to be "correct like her". I despise how Marinette treated Shadybug, but no one talks about that. Marinette as good as bullied Shadybug into giving in jn shame and do whatever Marinette says is the next right thing for her to do and be to be "better". Marinette should have a restraining order against her, she treats people like playdoo in her hands to validate her hero and victim complex.

That's all Marinette ever does in s4 Ladynoir too. When Chat speaks up about not liking something Ladybug "teaches" him that his feelings and perspective are wrong and petty and that he has to get over it cause she's right and a benevolent goddess and he's just some pathetic cat who needs to be taught how to exist "right" cause she cant ever be truly in the wrong. Didn't she scream in his face in Glaciator 2 as Marinette that HIS feelings don't exist, and it's all about her? That's textbook definition of emotionally abusive. Telling others their feelings and perspective doesn't exist and it's all about you. It's crazy that Marinette is being supported for this by the fandom, I hope her fans aren't in relationships...

Or in Revelation, Marinette decides for the whole class that Chloe doesn't get to have a chance and effort anymore because SHE says so due to HER experience. And the others were made out to be naive backstabbers for not instantly falling in line with Marinette making it her class president speech to make support now conditional on HER opinion of the person. Cause that's not fucked up at all, no no no. Let's hope she's never truly angry with a friend cause she might just decide that they're unworthy of the whole support system she rules "cause she says so" (funny, isn't that what she did to Chat?)

She did not ask anyone WHY they think Chloe still deserve a chance, she just decided that SHE knows better and must teach everyone what to feel and think again.

And then she was pissed when that didn't work.

---

It all boils down to the same thing I keep saying: Marinette is always the one whose problems are the most important, and her minor grievances are more important than whether or not other people die. Of course she's going to tell Shadybug she has it just as bad as her, if not worse, just because she doesn't instantly get everything she wants every day of the week and sometimes some ineffectual mean girl says bad things about her. The most popular girl in school with all the local super celebrities as her friends and a loving, well-off family, who's also a superhero with a 100% approval rating sometimes has to be inconvenienced and she isn't constantly macking on her desired boytoy, so she's just suffering so much, it's unbearable for her. We should feel sorry for her.

Marinette is the icon of any dissatisfied little girl with no real problems who's just frustrated at still being a kid with little freedom and takes it out on her friends by giving them the silent treatment because they didn't agree with her over something. Marinette is the fantasy of being the single most special and important person in the universe, where everyone else is little more than an NPC that exists to praise you or serve as a minor obstacle that you can easily overcome in order to feel good about yourself. The thing about this kind of fantasy is that you have to be completely uncritical in order to enjoy it, the instant you start to wonder if perhaps someone else deserves some glory too or if the other characters should get to have priorities outside of the protagonist's wants, the game is lost. That's why Marinette stans only think about her actions in terms of how they can excuse them. It's about enjoying the power fantasy.

A lot of power fantasies get defended with the claim that such protagonists aren't meant to be emulated, that it's purely cathartic. But kids try to emulate everything they see on TV, sometimes even when it's something they “should know” shouldn't be applied in real life. This is why you don't see punches connect in children's cartoons, the impact shot instead gets cut away with a jump cut or replaced with an impact graphic or flash. Kids will see the characters they relate to punch people and it being a good thing, and the next thing you know they'll be punching someone for real as part of a game of make belief. There's a reason kids' power fantasy media usually involves harmless scenarios like your belief in the Easter Bunny and Jack Frost saving the world from the Boogeyman and not the kind of stuff you see in an isekai harem anime or the stuff you'd expect from the villain of a school story.

Marinette constantly treats the people around her as unimportant, and she really does act and talk like she thinks their concerns are nonexistent in comparison to hers. The one time Marinette can be bothered to think about others it's when she has nothing going on first, and even then she just forces her ideas on what others need on them like, you know, a power fantasy isekai protagonist. She also does act as the leader of the friend group. I know she's the class representative, but that doesn't mean she should be giving orders to her friends and telling them what to think, but, as of the retool, that's exactly what she's doing. She's literally the Queen Bee archetype, and it shows in how she gets away with committing a literal crime at school in 'Confrontation'.

I don't think a protagonist for a kids' show should be shown consistently treating the people around her like shit, simply because showing and addressing such a storyline over several seasons takes so much time that it makes it harder to connect cause and effect. It's just a hard lesson to teach in such a format. Kids would see something being shown uncritically/as not that bad for potentially years before the show turns around and says it’s bad, actually. The fact that the narrative doesn't even go for this, but instead expects us to side with Marinette is more annoying, though, than if they’d just been that incompetent. Now the actual point is to be uncritical of Marinette’s self-centeredness.

This is why the target audience for Miraculous being so unclear annoys me so much. Do they expect the audience to see Marinette as a role model or is the audience meant to see that what she's doing is actually bad in real life but to also enjoy it as a fictional fantasy of being the most important, specialest person ever? You can expect the latter kind of more complex thinking from teenagers, who enjoy power fantasies possibly the most out of any demographic, but that means that Miraculous’ target audience jumped from preschoolers to middle schoolers because they decided they’d rather be uncritical of Marinette’s personality flaws. But the biggest part of merchandising for this show is still toys aimed at preteens, and even the toys reflect the new “The New Adventures of Ladybug and Ladybug Alone” approach of the show with the latest, insanely overpriced, Magic Heroez Transformation Surprise toy line being nothing but Marinette with the other characters’ Miraculouses. “If you like any hero other than Marinette, fuck you, you stupid kids!”

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

TL;DR: I am massively over sharing, but not going anywhere. This will be long, but I am enjoying the freedom that openness is affording me. TW: baby loss.

You might remember a couple of weeks ago I mentioned I thought I had norovirus or food poisoning, it turns out it was the onset of a miscarriage. I didn’t know I was pregnant, but once the vomiting, etc. had passed I felt a heaviness in my lower abdomen, coupled with heavy bleeding. I wasn’t due on yet and something just didn’t feel right. Max drove me to A&E and in the four hours it took for me to be seen, I’d passed most of it on the waiting room floor.

I don’t want kids and, owing to fertility issues, I can’t carry to full term anyway. I didn’t feel like I had a right to grieve, to be sad over something I didn’t want, so I didn’t tell anyone. The only person that knew was Max.

Over the last couple of weeks I’ve shut myself off from everyone and been unbearable to be around. I tell Max to leave me alone when he tries to talk to me. We tried to go on a lunch date together last weekend and ended up going home early because we both felt miserable. He bought me flowers - he always does when I am sad - and they usually always cheer me up. I hated these flowers. They felt like they served as a reminder of my lack of control, a reward for something I hadn’t earned. When they died and I could finally throw them away I felt relieved.

I’ve poured myself into fandom, hoping for a distraction. You may have noticed my last two Aemond fics were angsty ones (Anhedonia and Careless Words) - I think that was my way of attempting to release whatever it was that I’d bottled up.

Then the drama started - I defended a friend and for 48 hours I was publicly torn apart on another user’s page. Old issues were dragged into it and once more resurfaced. It’s hit me a lot harder than it usually would because I just don’t have the capacity to deal with it.

But it did give me the shove I finally needed to open up and talk about what has happened to me. I’ve talked through my feelings with Max, we went on a cinema date together and it was nice, so nice. We told each other we’d missed each other.

It’s like a weight has been lifted, and has given me some much needed clarity on the situation here in fandom. I am not prepared to walk away from fandom, I adore writing too much. However, I can admit that both parties involved in what has transpired over the last few days, weeks, months, have acted appallingly. I hold my hands up to the part I have played and I apologise. I will be better, do better.

With that in mind, I will be Marie Kondo-ing my space and removing anyone that does not bring me joy. I suggest you all do the same. Don’t follow people out of obligation, don’t be nice publicly then slander them in private. If you don’t like me, don’t follow me. I want nothing in my little corner of the web that I don’t enjoy. I don’t want to put out anything that has the potential to sour people’s fandom experience or make it a toxic experience for them.

I can’t be best buddies with everyone, but I refuse to be anyone’s enemy either. I will choose to be kind, because over the last couple of weeks I have not been kind to myself or others. And it has fucking sucked. No more.

I don’t want anyone’s sympathy, so please spare me. I just wanted to be fully transparent. It’s nice not to bottle this up anymore.

[lets-ignore-that]

Could you provide an I’d for the da fnaf rant please. The text is tiny.

of course!

incoming wall of text btw, this is the first part

NO OFFENSE TO THE FNAF FANDOM BUT YOU GUYS ARE INSUPPORTABLE

AND I CAN'T STAND BEING INVOLVED IN A TOXIC COMMUNITY EV I LOVE FNAF BUT YOU GUYS ARE UNBEARABLE

PLEASE! DON'T FORCE ME TO BELIEVE IN FREAKING AND STUPID THEORIES BECAUSE ONLY STUPID PEOPLE BELIEVE THEM, BALLORA BEING MRS. AFTON DOESN'T MAKE SENSE THAT STAFF BOT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH BALLORA SHE MAY HAVE BLUE HAIR BUT HER EYES ARE NOT CLOSED AND THE STAFF BOT'S HAIR IS NOT THE SAME AS BALLORA'S

BALLORA NOT MRS, AFTON, LIKE CASSIDY THE SOUL OF GOLDEN FREDDY IMPRISONED WILLIAM AFTON IN THE UCN AND TORTURED HIM FOR YEARS, THE ANIMATRONIC THAT CASSIDY POSSESSES IN THE CASE OF GOLDEN FREDDY IS PART OF THE SOUL OF CRYING CHILD THE BOY WHO IS THE PROTAGONIST OF FNAF 4 AND THE SON OF AFTONS AND BECAUSE OF THAT HE HAS MEMORIES AND RECOLLECTIONS THAT LATER WENT TO THE GLITCH TRAP AND THEN WENT TO VANNY'S MIND WHO LIED TO THE THERAPIST THAT HIS FATHER WAS BAD AND DIVORCED HIS MOTHER AND FROM THIS WE CAN IMAGINE THAT WILLIAM'S RELATIONSHIP WITH MRS. AFTON WAS NOT GOOD, AFTER ALL SHE WAS ASKING FOR A DIVORCE AND AS WILLIAM WAS ALREADY A PERSON

HORRIBLE EVEN WITH HIS FAMILY, NOW UNDERSTAND WHO ALWAYS TOOK CARE OF THE CHILDREN WAS WILLIAM RIO AFTON ALONE!

YOU RUINED MCU LOVE LOR ENAF WHEN I WAS DISAPPOINTED TO MY ART COURSE CLOSED IN 2024 ON THE OVIFO DAY THERE WAS A THING ABOUT BALLORA ANTONI WHEN I WAS HOSPITALIZED FOR A STOMACH I VOMITED ON THE NEXT DAY A THING ABOUT PALLORA AFTON, IT WILL ANGRY ME ALREADY YOU FNAF FANS YOU FEEL SORRY FOR ME SHUT UP ABOUT THIS THEORY AND YOU ARE KILLING FNAF I HOPE SCOTT HEARS THIS! Ev I did it FROM MEV JLITO SO YOU FANBOYS THE WHOLE FANDOM, SCOTT, МАТРAT EVEN STELL WOLF EXPLODE YOURSELVES DIE AND GO TO HELL YOU ARE MACHISTS, TOXIC AND UNBEARABLE I WORSE DISGUSTING LIKE FOL SONARO DONOLD TRUMP BOLSONAROF I FUCK YOU THINK HITLER EV I'M NOT FROM FNAF FNAF EV I LIKE FNAF BUT YOU TREAT FNAF AS IF YOU WERE THE OWNERS NOT SCOTT AS IF ONLY YOU WERE RIGHT WITH BAD TLORIANS AND BIZARRE SHIPPS DO YOU WANT A WORK WITHOUT THE FA TO DO IT THE SLU WAY!? AND BEFORE YOU CRITICIZE ME THAT I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT FNAF, KNOW THAT I'VE ALREADY SEEN VIDEOS OF THE HISTORY OF FNAF, I MEMORIZED THE BOOKS AND THE GAMES, AND THE BEST DUMB A BUNCH OF IDIOTS ARE YOU, THE ENTIRE FNAF TANDOM, SCOTT AND MATPAT, WHO ARE LAZY AND UNCONSCIOUS THEORISTS LIKE YOUR WHOLE FAMILY! YOU'RE GOING TO FUCK YOURSELVES BECAUSE YOU ARE VERY SAD! I HEARD YOU ARE VERY TOXIC

AND WHOEVER SAYS THAT I SPEAK LITTLE, KNOW THAT I HAVE SPOKEN A LOT TO YOUR FACE!

C GIME FUPRA YOU ARE A BUNCH OF STUPID CHILDREN WHO HAVE NEVER STUDIED IN A VERVATE SCHOOL IN MPO. FON HAS IMPORTANCE IN THE STORY PLENAP 56 WILLIAM HIS THREE SONS ELO HERNY + IN THE BOOKS F IN THE FNAF GAMES

THE LACK OF MES ALTON SCREAMING THERE IS NO NAME, NOT EVEN A PAAPENGA A MINIGAME OF HER DEATH AND A THING THAT DM EXAGGERATES THAT SEVERAL FANS Pom HER NAME AS AFLON SINDOO PISENHO HO SISTER LOCATION ITAZI

SO VMI PARALLEL NAP MEANS THAT HER NAME IS DIRECTLY CLEAR BECAUSE THE VAMPIRE IS CALLED VIAD THEN WILLIAM WILL BE CALLED VIAR AFTON NOW NÄR IF WILLIAM IS NOT CALLED VLAD THE MPS. AFTON'S NAME IS NOT CLARA AND

IF BALLORA HAD A WIFE SHE SHOULD HAVE IMPORTANCE IN THE STORY AND SHE HAS NO RELEVANCE OR IMPORTANCE SO WHY IS THE WIFE OF THE MAN BEHIND THE BAD THERE IN THE MIDDLE OF EVERYTHING DOING NOTHING BECAUSE

SHE HAS HER EYES CLOSED NAD SHE, JUST LIKE PUPPET WOULD DO SOMETHING AGAINST WILLIAM MORE SEVERAL BEHAVIORS OF BALLORA HERSELF IN FNAF SL AND IN THE UCN CAN BE EXPLAINED IF YOU TAKE INTO ACCOUNT THAT THE

OTHER FUNTIMES EXCEPT FOR BABY (ELIZABETH) DO NOT LIKE WILLIAM BECAUSE SHE WOULD GIVE HIM SHOCK CONTROLS AND IT IS MADE CLEAR BY HENAY THAT MOLTEN FRIDDY ONLY HAS REMNANTS, NOT A SOUL (tilibra) FROM

SOMEONE INSIDE AND THE CANDY CADET

DO WHAT YOU WANT & ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO TRY TO DISMISS FNAF THEORIES HARSHLY CRITICIZED OV IF YOU DARE TO SAY THAT YOU HATE FNAF FNAF DON'T NAF AND SAY IT'S A GOOD GAME AND THAT IT HAS A VERY BAD STORY AND THAT

THERE ARE BETTER HORROR GAMES THAN FNAF THEN YOU WILL BE CRITICIZED BY TOXIC HATERS. AND UNBEARABLE AND FANS HAVE FREEDOM FOR EVERYTHING THEY LOVE WITH THE ABUSE OF MANY FANSERVICES IS SOMETHING VERY

MUCH FOR US AND FOR FICTIONAL THINGS LIKE, ANIMATIONS, MOVIES AND GAMES AND FNAF TRY TO ABUSE THESE FAN SERVICES THAT INVOLVE THEORIES CHARACTERS BY FANS AND SEVERAL FANS ARE LIKE THIS DV YOU DID, EVERYTHING

THE FANS WANTED OR YOU RECEIVED SEVERAL DEATH THREATS BECAUSE MOST OF THE FNAF COMMUNITY WAS COMPOSED OF CHILDREN AND TEENAGERS AND JUST AS PARENTS SAY "SPOILED CHILDREN WHEN THEY ARE BORN ARE A BUNCH

OF IDIOTS" I HAVE TO SAY ONE THING WHO HAS IT'S SCOTT'S FAULT FOR GIVING FNAF FANS FREEDOM TO DO WHATEVER THEY WANT. IF ZV WAS THE CREATOR OF FNAF, EV WOULD BE DRIGINAL AND WOULDN'T GIVE FREEDOM TO FANS, AND

MORE FNAF FANS GO FUCK YOURSELVES EV I HATE THE BALLORA AFTON THEORY, BALLORA IS NOT LADY AFTON! MAT PAT IS 100% WRONG ABOUT THIS THEORY AND YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED FOR APPROVING THIS THEORY AND ALSO FOR MAKING BALLORA AND SPRINGTRAP A COUPLE, KNOW THAT YOU

C GIME FUPRA YOU ARE A BUNCH OF STUPID CHILDREN WHO HAVE NEVER STUDIED IN A VERVATE SCHOOL

IN MPO. FON HAS IMPORTANCE IN THE STORY PLENAP 56 WILLIAM HIS THREE SONS ELO HERNY + IN THE BOOKS F IN THE FNAF GAMES

THE LACK OF MES ALTON SCREAMING THERE IS NO NAME, NOT EVEN A PAAPENGA A MINIGAME OF HER DEATH AND A THING THAT DM EXAGGERATES THAT SEVERAL FANS Pom HER NAME AS AFLON SINDOO PISENHO HO SISTER LOCATION ITAZI SO VMI PARALLEL NAP MEANS THAT HER NAME IS DIRECTLY CLEAR BECAUSE THE VAMPIRE IS CALLED VIAD THEN WILLIAM WILL BE CALLED VIAR AFTON NOW NÄR IF WILLIAM IS NOT CALLED VLAD THE MPS. AFTON'S NAME IS NOT CLARA AND IF BALLORA HAD A WIFE SHE SHOULD HAVE IMPORTANCE IN THE STORY AND SHE HAS NO RELEVANCE OR IMPORTANCE SO WHY IS THE WIFE OF THE MAN BEHIND THE BAD THERE IN THE MIDDLE OF EVERYTHING DOING NOTHING BECAUSE

SHE HAS HER EYES CLOSED NAD SHE, JUST LIKE PUPPET WOULD DO SOMETHING AGAINST WILLIAM MORE SEVERAL BEHAVIORS OF BALLORA HERSELF IN FNAF SL AND IN THE UCN CAN BE EXPLAINED IF YOU TAKE INTO ACCOUNT THAT THE

OTHER FUNTIMES EXCEPT FOR BABY (ELIZABETH) DO NOT LIKE WILLIAM BECAUSE SHE WOULD GIVE HIM SHOCK CONTROLS AND IT IS MADE CLEAR BY HENAY THAT MOLTEN FRIDDY ONLY HAS REMNANTS, NOT A SOUL (tilibra) FROM

SOMEONE INSIDE AND THE CANDY CADET

CD YOU FNAF FANS ARE. SO TOXIC AND SICK IN RELATION TO FANARTS, SHIPPS, ANIMATION AND POSTS THAT YOU MUST KEEP VERY CHILD PORNOGRAPHIC THINGS SO YOU SEXISTS ACCEPT WHAT I SAID AND IMAGINE SCOTT AND THE

DEVELOPERS WHO MUST BE THE SICK FACE OF YOU YOU CLUELESS TOXIC BEASTS!" SO GROW UP!

this is the second part

Well let's start with what this theory is, so this theory says that the soul of William Afton/Purple Guy/Springtrap's Wife is in Ballora and that was because of a song that his voice actor sang and that is in the Five Nights game files at Freddy Sister Location saying as if he had lost a child

and in FNaF 4 the Crying Child "But it's wrong, it's not a tomb, it's music" and this song wasn't Scott who planned it, it was Ballora's voice actress who made it and why does a soap opera that makes a parallel with the Afton family and the character Clara makes a parallel

with William's wife (One thing that I think is an exaggeration and I don't like is that they already call William's wife "Clara Afton" and she is just making a representation of William's wife and a parallel and not saying that she is directly William's wife because the Vampire's name is called Vlad so William Afton is called Vlad now?? Clara) and then the YOUTUBE Channel called Game Theories made this theory and then many fans started supporting this theory, and then after years we had Five Nights at Freddy's Security Breach, and in a room we have several Staff Bots making reference to the Afton Family and one of them is a woman with blue hair and so, many people automatically started to believe in this theory more, but if you believe in this theory you didn't delve into other Five Nights at Freddy's. media like books and the Log Books, because it contradicts all of Vanessa's statements influenced by Glitchtrap with to the Crying Child and all this happened maybe before William killed Charlotte, Henry's daughter, Emily, her

her therapist who talks about her family, Vanessa comments about her father being a bad person and her mother having died "And something like Glitchtrap messed with Vanessa's life, he implanted memories of everything about William Afton and his family and just like Golden Freddy, he imprisoned William's soul, torturing him for years, he still has part of Crying Child's soul and because of that she had these memories and made a replica of the Afton Family and From this we can see that William's relationship with his wife was not very good, because after all she was asking for a divorce because William is already a horrible person even with his own family so we understand the reasons, And the one who always took care of the

children was William himself, and maybe they fought a lot, wife couldn't take it and killed herself, so where does Ballora come from being William Afton's wife, like what's the point if she's already dead? Why is William going to put her body inside Ballora? Because one thing that times saying that the Son wasn't his (This is the parallel to the cartoon Sister Location) and as Micheal is the oldest they fought many times. they were already a problematic couple and just as he had already killed Charllote's children in the 80s, he had already created a lot of sister location stuff, the woman leaves but wants custody of the children, but William invents a story proving that she is crazy and burning in her own children's heads (and it was because of the divorce that Micheal became a terrible brother

friend who became the Puppet and the bite in 83 where her son died) so she loses custody of her children and kills herself, because in the minigame of the pizzeria simulator FNaF 6, the one who always took care of the children was William, in the Midnight Minigame, the driver who took care of the children was William Afton with the children, his wife already filed for divorce, that is, William got custody of the children and

fans don't understand is that William Afton hates him and did several things and they fought in court, William always wanted his project which is to have eternal life

hid the bodies of his victims so he wouldn't get caught, and besides, in the books he used animatronics to do research, so what William is going to put on Ballora doesn't make sense, and others will say he wanted his wife to be perfect, seriously, he wants to marry a

robot who is also a dancer! William used animatronics to research and study the remains of the souls of the 5 children he killed in 1985, and he was a remnant or a child in Ballora along with the animatronics from Sister's location! In other words, he automatically put a child inside Ballora, and another in the FNaF books William never cared about his family or his children, Micheal, he denied being her father and on top of that he slapped Elizabeth in the face! Then

why would he want to bring his wife back to life if he doesn't care about her and on top of that she hates him and did several things and they fought in court, William was always passionate about his project which is to have eternal life so what William will say that Ballora doesn't make sense, and others will say that he wanted his wife to be perfect, seriously he wants to marry a robot who is also a ballerina! William used animatronics to research and study the remains of the souls of the 5 children he killed in 1985 which were Gabriel, Susie, Jeremy, Fritz and Cassidy! and he was a remnant or a child on Ballora along with the animatronics from Sister's location! In other words, he automatically put a child inside Ballora already, and another in the FNaF books William never cared about his

family or his children, Micheal, he denied being her father and on top of that he slapped Elizabeth in the face! So why would he want to bring his wife back to life if he doesn't care about her and what's more she him and did several things and they fought in court, William was always passionate about his project which is to have eternal life so what William is going to put on Ballora doesn't make sense, and others will say that he wanted his wife to be perfect, seriously he

hates He wants to marry a robot who is also a ballerina! William used animatronics to research and study the remains of the souls of the 5 children he killed in 1985 and he consequently placed a patch on Ballora along with the SL animatronics! and in the FNaF books

William never cared about his family or his children, Micheal, he denied being her father and on top of that he slapped Elizabeth in the face! So why would he want to bring his wife back to life if he doesn't care about her and what's more she

1- I don't believe in this theory because the lack of Mrs Afton in the game is glaring, not a name for her, an appearance, or minigame of death, since the events until FNAF 6, we have discovered a possible ending for this character now, and which only reveals this one ending.

2- If you stop to think about it, there isn't currently a Mrs Afton, since since the Frazbear frights a possible divorce between the two has already been made clear, which is confirmed in SB.

3- Her irrelevance in the story, whether she is Ballora or not, is still not of any importance in the story, Ballora herself has no relevance. The two have been with God since FNAF 6.

4- Ballora's eyes do not show signs of possession, Ballora's eyes are pink, and after Elizabeth possesses baby her blue eyes turn green, and throughout Fnaf SL, in parallel with the soap opera that Mike watches and it is made clear that Elizabeth took after his mother, Mrs Afton has green eyes, but Ballora has pink eyes. in UCN they

5- Many of Ballora's behavior in fnaf SL and

can be explained if you take into consideration that she, like the other funtimes, don't like Afton, he gave controlled shock controls.

6- Molten Freddy, he is made clear to have remnants, not souls, at the end of the game Henry doesn't even mention there being anyone inside.

7- That Egg Ester from Staff Bott (Nanny) is similar to Ballora, for me it is precisely fanservice in relation to this theory.

8- And another proof is that if Baby recognized Micheal as her brother and Scraptrap as her father, then why didn't she recognize Ballora or Molten Freddy as her mother or how did Ballora not recognize Baby and Micheal as her children and Scraptrap as her husband and in the

process she wouldn't let Funtime Freddy or Funtime Foxy expel Baby from Ennard, she would stop it at any cost because after all, is it a mother's love?

10- If William's supposed wife hasn't done anything until now, she doesn't even notice any of this, because until now she hasn't shown herself to be important to the story, she must just be blind/with her eyes closed (a metaphor) Even when I saw that room where the Afton Family is gathered and everyone thought that the 'girl, at the end of the table was Ballora, I thought: doesn't it look like she doesn't have her eyes

closed... I don't think Scott would put a wife for William now in the story, because it doesn't matter, a mother for the three brothers nor a wife for the villain, there was never that importance, because the only characters that matter are Henry Emily, William Afton and

your children, whether there is a wife, uncle, grandfather, cousin, it doesn't matter now. Neither William nor Henry had images of wives or anyone else in the family that mattered much to the story. This story about Afton's ex-wife also explains a little about why Michael is an asshole, the crying boy's anxiety and why Elizabeth is so attached to William. They tragically lost their mother when they were young and had to stay with a bad father.

and the biggest proof of this theory is to keep shipping her with Springtrap (That's why I hate the FNaF community) These are my words and I've seen videos on YouTube, I've seen books, novels and even the help wanted and air archives.

[sissytobitch10seconds]

Please, Please, Please

Fandom: Helluva Boss Summary: Blitz carefully folded up the last envelope and set it down on top of all the paperwork he had done over the last few days. The others hung heavy in his pocket as he prepared to deliver them and then make it to his final destination. He hoped the words didn't ring as hollow to the recipient as they did in his mind, that they brought some comfort and closure for the horrible things he had done. Warnings: Suicide attempt, heavy angst, rape mentions, abuse mentions, mental health crisis, and suicide notes Word Count: 18,452 Ship(s): Blitzo Buckzo/Verosika Mayday

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A/N: Just like with all of my more recent Helluva fics, this is not Stolas Goetia friendly! I am of the opinion that he is an entitled, spoiled, racist raping abuser and has damaged Blitz unforgivably. This fic will represent those opinions, so if that's not your jam then you should just move on and let me have my fun. I hope that those of you who want to read this have a good time! I also love this song for Verosika and Blitz, it's so them and their toxicness. I want them to hurt each other into getting better lol. Thank you all so much for reading! Stay sissy and bitchy everyone <3

1. Moxxie and Millie

 It was clear that an argument had been happening between the spouses about something serious before they had entered into their office, but the hostile attitude was towards the topic at hand and not each other.

“I don’t know, Mox, it’s not normal for the boss to just disappear and not answer his phone when it comes to work,” Millie huffed. She had her hands on her hips as she talked, mimicking the way that her sister moved when she was sassing someone. The two of them had been spending a lot more time together, and it was honestly interesting for her husband to see the way that they were becoming a cohesive being instead of two entirely separate people. He wondered how unbearable they were when they went to school together if this was how close they were when they were adults. 

“He just left us waiting on the fucking street for an hour, Millie,” Moxxie countered. He was upset and his voice was risen just a bit, but that was mostly because of the tone. He would never, ever yell at his wife no matter what.

“If this was a hang out or something then yeah, I would agree. It’s just strange for Blitz to abandon his business after all the work that he put into it,” Millie said.

“Blitz is completely irresponsible! You remember the massive load of paperwork that he gave me to do? Half of it was unintelligible and I found at least six different drawings of horses on it!” Moxxie rambled. 

“He does the important paperwork,” she said as she waved her hand dismissively at her husband. When she saw the way that his bottom lip was pouting out at her, she leaned over and gave his cheek a gentle kiss. “I’m sure that the two of you will work it out, you always do. You’re basically brothers anyway.”

“I don’t think that I want to be Blitz’s brother, things with his sister apparently didn’t go well at all,” Moxxie commented as he took the bag from his wife. He set it down on his desk and then began to unpack his things before he handed it back over to her.

“Thank you, baby,” she said. She began to do the same thing that her husband had done so that she had her waterbottle and all the other tools she would need for the day laid out in front of her. She then tilted her head to the side and asked, “Baby, was that letter on your desk before? I don’t think that we usually have to deal with the junk mail that the office gets.

Moxxie looked to what she was referring to and then jerked back like it was some kind of loaded gun or python. “He’s making me deal with the junk mail too?” he shouted. He reached for the letter and flipped it around. Part of him thought that it was definitely the junk mail that Millie had suggested that it was but some other part of him thought that there was a chance it wasn’t. If it turned out that his father had sent someone to their office to threaten him through letter then he didn’t want to throw it away. He had to know what his father was planning at all times so that he would be able to protect himself and his wife.

He flipped the letter back over so that he was looking at the envelope part instead of the names scrawled onto the front. The handwriting looked familiar, the letters different sizes and some of them obviously erased and rewritten so that they would be just a bit more legible. Immediately, Moxxie was able to identify that it wasn’t his father’s handwriting. That didn’t mean that Crimson hadn’t asked someone in his gang to write it for him before they stashed it in the office.

He leaned around the side of his wife and grabbed the knife that she always kept tucked into her belt. He hadn’t understood why she did that until he went down to Wrath and saw the difference in the respect towards women. Even in the Greed Ring mafia it was expected that women were to be respected for the power that they held above someone else. Gender was secondary to their station and connections. In Wrath, women were apparently considered to be secondary to men simply because of their gender and were often harassed for it. Millie had taken to carrying a knife with her at all times to protect herself from wild animals and concealing it so that she would have the upper hand against any man that decided to be a little too handsy with her.

He used the little knife to open the letter so that he didn’t mutilate the envelope like he always managed to do when he was opening their bills at home. He set the envelope back down on his desk and then flipped open the letter so that he could read what it said. Millie wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her nose into his shoulder so that she could read it at the same time as him.

Dear Millie and Moxxie,

I originally wanted to write you both different letters but a lot of the things I have to say are the same, so this letter is going to be in three parts. One for both of you, then one each for you both respectively.

Part 1: I’m sorry for being such a shitty boss to you guys. I know that I was the one to find you both in your shit situations and then get you somewhere better, and also the one to introduce you both, but that doesn’t mean I get to fuck around with your lives anymore. I should have learned to leave you both the fuck alone when you got married and I wasn’t trying to push you to date anymore. I honestly shouldn’t have done that in the first place and I feel really bad for it now. I hope that you guys did actually like each other and it wasn’t just me picking up on something that didn’t even exist in the first place. You two are my best friends and I was happiest when I dated (sort of) my best friend, so I thought that you would too.

That doesn’t mean that what I did was justified though. I know that I’m a total asshole and the stalking was a lot for you both. I can tell that a couple times I almost tore you apart with this job and the way that I bossed you both around. I hope that you can either continue doing this if you actually like it or go find something else if that would bring you more joy. I just wanted you guys to be happy and I went about doing it entirely the wrong way. I know that now, and I’m really fucking sorry.

Part 2: Moxxie, I’m sorry for the way that I talked to you. You’re really good at a lot of what you do and I had to bring you down because I felt insecure that I wasn’t as good as you even though I had been doing it for longer. I know that shit went to your head and made you feel like you were totally incapable of doing anything and that is abso-fucking-lutely not what I intended. You’re the best sharpshooter that I’ve ever met, you handle guns like they’re literally your fucking arms. You have compassion and intelligence that surpasses anyone else that I’ve ever met, which is really fucking impressive considering the dad that you came from.

I know that you were pissed about the huge stacks of paperwork that I gave you whenever I had to go fuck Stolas for the book, but you better get used to it because I’m leaving the business entirely to you. I’ve seen the way that you do it and your handwriting is way better than mine. Maybe the stupid bitches that own our building will finally close their yaps when they see your neat filing of the paperwork and shit. You’re smart enough that you can figure out how to get people to come and get more business without even breaking a sweat. Don’t worry about turning out like your dad when you’re running a business either, there’s no way that you could turn out like him. You’re too much like your mom.

Part 3: Millie, you’re the best fucking person that I’ve ever met in my entire life. You’re smart, funny, and strong as fuck. I’ve seen the way that people have reduced you down to either being Moxxie’s wife or angry, and that’s not who you are. The way that people ignore you in favor of me and Mox is the reason that I thought about making a whole letter for you in the first place. I know that I used to boss you around a lot and make you uncomfortable with some of my comments or by ignoring you when we were all hanging out as a group, but I never meant anything malicious by it.

While I want Moxxie to handle the paperwork, I know that you’re going to be best with the field work. He’s got good ideas when it comes to tracking down people and trying to figure out who they are, but you’re so much better at it. You can hunt someone down like it’s turning around in a circle. You’re fucking brilliant and you’re so good at your job. You also make a mean sister, so make sure that you hire on that Sally-Mae so that she can help you.

I hope that you can both forgive me for dumping all of this on you and making your lives more complicated for a while. I know that you’ll both adapt since that’s what you’re both good at. You don’t have to forgive me for any of this, by the way, that’s not the purpose of me writing these letters. I just wanted you all to know how I felt in a way that you could come back to as often as you wanted. I guess this is goodbye to both of you. Love you both, you’re the siblings I never deserved.

-Blitzo Buckzo

While she was reading, Millie tightened up and her breath quickened in her chest. When she got to the bottom she let out a twisted laugh that was half chuckle and half sob. She said, “Oh man, B sure knows how to make a joke, doesn’t he?”

“I’m not so sure that this is a joke, Mills,” Moxxie replied. He took her hand gently in his, threading their fingers together as he always did. He brought her across the floor so that they were standing in front of the office that Blitz had always used for himself. The front placard that had said his name with the ‘o’ crossed out in obnoxious red marker was gone, replaced instead with Moxxie’s name.

“He managed to find out your last name,” Millie whispered. Moxxie hardly ever used it because it reminded him too much of his father and where he had come from, but on the plaque it was hyphenated with his mother’s last name. It was what he had wanted when he was contemplating changing his name entirely so it was harder for the mafia to find him.

“Yeah, he did,” Moxxie whispered. He had always felt as though Blitz didn’t listen to him and just did whatever he wanted regardless of the consequences. After all, their boss and friend had brushed off every time that Moxxie had revoked consent for certain jokes or actions, like when Blitz had invited himself onto their anniversary date. It didn’t feel right that he had suddenly processed everything at once and was now acting like they had wanted him to so many times before. 

Now that he had it though, he knew that this wasn’t really what he had wanted. Of course he had wanted the jokes and the stalking and the inviting himself to places he was explicitly told he wasn’t wanted to stop, but he hadn’t wanted this. He had wanted Blitz to turn back into the person that he had first met, brash and a little rude but wholeheartedly himself.

“Is this fucking real? Why would Blitz just leave all of this to us?” Moxxie asked, even he could hear the way that his voice was shaking.

Millie took the letter off the desk and then read it two more times before she flipped it over to see if there was anything else. On the back was a picture of the three of them standing next to each other, crudely drawn as everything that Blitz drew was. She placed her hand over her mouth as tears began to well in her eyes and run down her face. “This- this doesn’t mean that he’s totally gone! Maybe Stolas offered him a job or something that sounded way more interesting than what he had been doing.”

“He and Stolas broke up over the crystal,” Moxxie reminded her softly. He walked over to his wife and wrapped his arms around her. The two of them stood there in shock and silence. Millie was praying to anything and anybody that would listen to her that her friend would come back. She didn’t even care if Blitz was still just as obnoxious and cruel as he had been before, she just wanted to make sure that she wasn’t losing another friend without anything to do about it.

2. Loona

Loona woke up when the sun began to creep through her blinds and heavy curtains. Blitz had installed both of them for her despite the fact that it meant they wouldn’t get the security deposit when they moved. He had told her that he wanted to make sure that she slept well, something that she had rolled her eyes about at the time. She thanked him for it internally every time she woke up because she was allowed to sleep as long as she needed to and only realized what time it was after she had risen. As a hellhound, her body tended to work with the daylight cycles of Hell, which meant that if she had a late night she would wake up as soon as the sun was up unless she had something else to stop it, like the blinds.

She rolled out of bed and grabbed her phone before she felt her heart stop in her chest. She had overslept by almost three hours, which meant that the others had all gone to work while she had been snoozing away the remnants of a hangover. She flipped out of bed and began the mad scramble that everyone did when they realized that they were late for work.

“He won’t fire you, he’s tried in the past and then decided that he couldn’t do it,” she reminded herself gently. It was hard to get rid of the panic and anger that came whenever she did something wrong, a remnant of having grown up in the pound. One day she was going to get close enough to Queen Bee that she could let her know how abusive and horrible those places were so that no puppy ever had to go through what Loona had.

She didn’t bother with a shower that morning, she brushed her fur down so that it was laying comfortably against her skin. She shed her night clothes and dressed instead like she always did for work, finally ditching the ripped baggy shirts that she usually donned and putting something more presentable onto her body. She had just clipped her hair back out of her eye so that she could do her makeup while she was on the bus when she stepped out into the main living space of her home. 

On the island, where Blitz usually left her breakfast on the days where she woke up on time, was a thick stack of papers. She walked over and picked up the one on top, which was a letter in an envelope with her name scrawled on the front in her dad’s handwriting. She had seen him write like that only when he was trying to make himself presentable, like when he had made his plea to their last landlord to not kick him out for being a hybrid. She had never expected that scrawl to be for her.

She carefully slit the paper open and then removed the letter inside. Her hands were shaking as she saw the careful handwriting and proper spelling on the other side. It took her a second to calm her panic down and start reading the letter properly.

Dear Loona,

I know that this letter is probably going to upset you and I wish that it wouldn’t because I love you so much. All I seem to do is upset you, though. That’s not your fault, it’s something that I’m really good at and have been my entire life. 

I always wanted to be there to make you happy and support you in all of your endeavors, but I can see now how badly I fucked that up. I should have let you age out of the system like you said that you wanted to instead of adopting you and then roping you into my shit life. You would have been happier if you had the chance to make your way in the world the way that you had always dreamed of. I just saw a lot of myself in you, the child that no one wanted and desperately needed a bit of love. I get how that sounds and I’m not expecting you to pity me, I just thought that a bit of explanation might give you some closure.

I should have known that you didn’t like the way that I was trying to parent you when you got me that first time. I know that you never meant to hurt me, you were just scared and the people at the pound treated you so badly that was the only way that you could properly handle your emotions. I don’t blame you for the way you acted or the times that you hurt me, because you were trying to protect yourself. All the gods know that I’ve done way worse to try and protect myself.

I just want you to know that I was trying my best to be good for you. I always had this dream of adopting a Hellhound because I know that they’re very undesirable when it comes to potential family members, and I was too. I didn’t expect to get someone that was almost an adult when I went to the pound that day, but I’m really glad that I chose you to be my daughter. You don’t have to define yourself as that if you don’t want to, I know that I can never be your actual dad despite what the piece of paper that got you out of the pound says.

Damn, everything I’m saying sounds like I’m blaming you. I promise that I’m not, I’m just so shit at this whole feelings thing. The main point is: I wanted a family and I didn’t ask you if you wanted one, I should have just acted like your roommate and boss. It would have been better for you because then you could have gone out in the world and found your real pack.

Well, now you can do that. I’m gonna be long gone by the time that you wake up today, but don’t worry about it. I rescheduled all the appointments that we had for today so that Moxxie and Millie can figure things out with the business and get some paperwork under their belts. I know that you never really liked working at IMP anyways, so I figured that it would be extra nice to not have to deal with me or work today.

The next part of this shit is probably the meanest thing I’ve ever done to you. I’ve written up a resume for you and a couple of fillable cover letters so that you can apply for other jobs. I don’t know what your aspirations are in life (which proves just how much of a shit father I am, ha) but you have some experience as a secretary and in magic which should get you an entry level position anywhere you like. I’ve given you some instructions on how best to find jobs and what to look out for when it comes to getting into shitty situations. The apartment is also paid off for an additional six months of rent, so you can either withdraw that when you move or stay until you get a job without having to worry.

I promise that I really did love you, Loonie. I’m sorry that I was too in my own way to see what you really wanted and give it to you.

-Blitzo Buckzo

She had only seen her adoptive father sign something with that name once before, so reading it at the bottom of her letter felt like a massive slap to the face. She turned around and saw that her adoption certificate had been taken off the wall and there was another envelope taped to the empty picture frame instead. When she opened that envelope, she found that it contained her birth certificate, personal identification card, and the adoption certificate on top of a lot of other important personal information. The papers on the table were exactly what Blitz had promised they would be, resumes and cover letters and instructions on how to make her favorite food.

Loona’s first instinct was anger. She picked up the envelope her letter had come out of and then shredded it. Even with rage blinding her eyes she wasn’t able to destroy the documents that Blitz had so carefully made for her, nor the letters that he had written her. She kicked over the stool next to the bar and then shouted as she cupped her toe.

The next thing that came was tears, pouring down her face and soaking through her fur so that she could feel them on her cheeks. She was glad that she hadn’t yet put on her makeup because it would be caked to her face uncomfortably. “They were gonna put me down, Dad. You don’t fucking age out of the pound, you die. You saved me from dying and now you’re gone. I thought you were always gonna be here for me, I thought that I was safe with you,” she whispered to no one.

Slowly, Loona pulled herself up from the ground and walked over to the couch. The horse blanket was folded tidily on top of a box that was marked ‘Blitz’s things’ instead of being over the back of the couch here he had slept since he had adopted her. She had always felt bad that he had given up the one room in the apartments that they shared for her. When she was a pup and with her first foster family, they had tried to crate train her in the living room. While that was scary, she knew that she would have been okay sleeping out on the couch when it was with Blitz. He had an air of calm compassion to him when he was with her, even if he got a little smothering sometimes.

She walked over to the blanket and then picked it up, wrapping it around her shoulders. It smelled like cigarette smoke and Blitz’s body wash and night sweat. It would have been repulsive to her sensitive nose if she hadn’t been desperate for her father in any way that she could get him. 

Eventually, she was going to have to text Moxxie and Millie to see if they knew anything about where Blitz had gone. He obviously didn’t want her to follow him, but she was sick of losing family members. He was part of her pack, even if she had never treated him like it. She was going to change that, now that she knew there was a limit to what she could do to Blitz with him staying. That was the only reason she had treated him so badly before, because she knew that he wouldn’t leave her even though she was cruel and unfair.

Misery and guilt for her actions washed over her. He had always just been trying to look out for her, that was why he had adopted her in the first place. Even now, when she had terrorized him out of his own home, he had still gone through so much trouble just to make sure that she was happy and comfortable without him. “I’m sorry, Dad,” she whispered as she wrapped the blanket a bit tighter around her body.

3. Fizz and Ozzie

Fizz sat perched on the top of Ozzie’s desk, dangling his legs in front of him. He was humming softly to himself as he wrote and rewrote the same email a dozen times, trying to figure out the best way to put into words the thoughts that were rattling around in his head. He had been helping Ozzie out a lot more than before, now that it was known that they were together, so he assumed that he should have been better at this than he currently was.

He was upset at Blitz again, which wasn’t really a surprise given that was how their dynamic seemed to work. He would make up with his best friend and they would grow even closer than they had been before, then they would get in some fight or argument that drove them back to where they had been at the beginning. He knew that each falling out had a different set of time on it, which was why the fire had taken him fifteen years to reconcile with Blitz about. This time it felt petty and weird, which might have been because it was the first fight that they’d had since the one where he’d been disfigured.

As Fizz had told Ozzie the night before, it wasn’t really a fight yet. Fizz was upset that he had given Blitz all their prototypes and top of the line sex toys for the night that he was going to spend with his sort-of boyfriend only to hear nothing in response from him. It was pretty standard for friends to tell each other details about their sex lives, especially when plans had been made with those friends for said sex lives. Fizz mostly just wanted to be back in Blitz’s life, between the business that he was now running at the daughter he’d adopted he felt like he had missed so much.

The imp let out a long sigh and then set his phoned down next to him so that he could find something more interesting to do. A pile of papers and envelopes sat next to him, beside the computer where Ozzie was typing away as he chatted with his employees. He scooped them up after placing his comical 3D glasses on and began to search for something entertaining. He was also being useful, he placed the reports down on the top of the monitor that Ozzie was using, which made them fall over the screen and onto the keyboard as he tried to type. The personal letters were tossed onto the floor so they could be walked on, which is what the creepy sinners deserved for trying to get personal favors from the Sin of Lust himself. One of said personal letters made him stop, though, as he saw that his name was also on it.

It was a handwriting that he barely recognized, something that drew up a memory from the time before he had been in the accident. He flipped it over and sliced the paper open with his finger so that he could pull the letter out from inside. His eyes widened when he caught sight of the name at the bottom and he began to read over it as quickly as he could.

Dear Fizz,

If you’re reading this letter than I am officially not your problem, though if you never read this letter then I’m still not your problem.

I know that I said I wanted to be friends again, and I wasn’t lying. I missed you so fucking much, I didn’t feel like a person without you. It was impossible for me to connect with anyone the way that I connected with you and that may have been because we met as kids, but I chose to believe that it’s because we’re soulmates. In a manner of speaking, of course.

I have a lot to tell you in this letter, but I wanted to start the whole thing off by thanking you and Ozzie for everything that you’ve done for me. You guys were the ones to try and save the bullshit deal I had with Stolas so that I could keep my business going and Ozzie was the one that sent me the crystal that’s going to allow Moxxie and Millie to keep the business running long enough for them to find their true passions in life. You both have done so fucking much for me and I didn’t deserve any of it, so hopefully it’ll trickle down to the right people who deserve it more than anyone else in the entire world.

I’m sorry for what happened to you in the circus. I’m sorry for not being more supportive of you and instead just beating myself up about it. I promise that I was never really jealous of you, even if I did have moments where I wished that I was as good as you at something or wanted my dad to be giving me the attention that he was giving to you. The real reason that I was being so weird in the last couple of months that we were together was because I was in love with you.

I know that’s a massive fucking bombshell to drop on you in a goddamn letter, but it’s the only way that I could do it even back then. For your birthday I was going to confess to you, but I was too worried that I wasn’t the type of person that you wanted to be with. I backed out after writing that stupid letter and even finding you a flower, the kind that you liked with all the petals still on.

I remember it so vividly too, because it turned out so shit in the end. I came to the gap in the tent where we always went on stage and I just looked at you. You were surrounded by all your friends and the elders of the circus and you were smiling. You looked so happy without me there and I couldn’t ruin that. Dad had just told me how annoying I was to be around and I didn’t want to ruin your joy. So I turned around and tried to get away as quickly as I could and I hoped that you hadn’t seen me. I pushed the idiot carrying your cake and I guess it fell to the ground and lit everything on fire, because the horses got out. The fireworks were really what did it, but I was the reason that the fire started in the first place.

I’m so fucking sorry that you had to go through all of that pain because of some bullshit that I did. If I had just been bold enough to get rejected or laughed at, like a real man, then none of this would have ever happened. 

I don’t know how to make it up to you Fizz.

With other people I can offer them money to at least make up from what I stole from them, but what I took from you can’t be replaced. You obviously don’t need any money for medical bills given the partner that you have, so I can’t cover that. The only thing that I can do is say that I’m sorry. A lot of things that I’ve done have kept me up at night but nothing has done so more than what I did to you.

I’m glad that you were able to get some new limbs that suit you well and I hope that they don’t cause you too much pain. I’m glad that you found a partner that loves you and respects you for who you are, on top of being able to stick up for you the way that you need. No offense, Fizz, but you’re kind of shit at telling people that they’re overstepping your boundaries. I know that it’s probably my dad’s fault and I’m sorry for that too.

I’m glad that I was able to be back in your life for a little bit even though I really didn’t fucking deserve it. I put you through so much when we were kids and you were always so patient with me, something I also didn’t deserve. I literally stole your horns and all your limbs, and yet you still let me back into your life and tried to save me when I was ass deep in the worst deal that I ever made.

If there’s anything that you want of mine then just reach out to Moxxie and Millie, they’ll be running IMP in my stead since I won’t be around to do it anymore. Loona might also have some of my stuff but anything that she takes I want her to keep. We were never really all that close since she was an adult when I adopted her (basically) so I doubt that she will take anything.

Thank you, Fizz. Thank you for being my best friend and my first love and so much more shit that I can’t figure out right now.

-Blitzo Buckzo

Fizz’s hands were shaking when he got to the bottom of the letter. His entire body was shaking, in fact, which was the only way that the tremors were able to get all the way down into his fake appendages. He could feel tears welling in his eyes as he remembered the last time that Blitz had said things like this to him. His voice was shouting as he called for his partner, “OZZIE! OZ! HELP!”

The Sin flinched away from his computer in a split second and rushed over to his partner. He scooped Fizz off the table and then cradled him close. Ram and Bull were pushing against the confines of the flames on Ozzie’s head as they tried to get closer to the one that they loved but were unable to. “Fizzy, what’s wrong?”

“I think that something went really wrong with Blitz when he tried to romance Stolas,” Fizz said. “He wrote me this big long letter about how he wasn’t going to be bothering me anymore and apologizing for everything that went wrong in our relationship. Oz! The last time that he said things like this to me he ended up sick for a week and almost fucking dying.”

“You don’t mean…” Ozzie whispered, his eyes going wide with shock. He took the paper from Fizz and then his eyes began to glance over it all to take the words in.

Fizz nodded his head as quickly as he could. “Shit, Oz, I don’t know his employee’s numbers or even who his daughter is! Were we really friends? Do you think that he would keep this kind of information from someone that he was actually friends with? He said that he felt really lucky to be back in my life in the letter that he wrote me, but that could just be something that he was making up to make me feel better about his death. Oh my Lucifer, I really don’t want him to die,” he was babbling almost incoherently at this point, but there was no way for him to stop.

Ozzie reached out with one hand and took hold of Fizz so that he was forced to be a bit calmer. It wasn’t something that he did very often, but he knew that when his lover was in a blind panic it was the only thing that would affectively get him to settle. “Fizz, I can call Stolas. All the royalty have each other programmed into their phones for emergencies so it’s not going to be an issue to be able to contact him. I’m sure that we’ll get his half of the story and be able to piece some things together. Surely Blitz is just being a little dramatic about the stone or something,” he reasoned. He wasn’t sure that even he believed himself when he said it like that, but it was the only thing that he could come up with that wasn’t the bleakest of realities.

Fizz nodded, “I would really like that.”

The two of them sat next to Ozzie’s desk, down on the ground in forms that were almost the same size. It wasn’t often that the Sin shrunk down now that he didn’t go into his public anymore, it was too dangerous to show something so vulnerable to the Sinners that populated his ring. He reached over and took Fizz’s hand so that their fingers were woven together in a show of physical support for the other. He scrolled through the contacts on his phone until he found one for the aforementioned Goetia and then dialed it.

It rang for a few minutes before Stolas answered, smiling widely. “You Majesty, what an honor it is to get a call from the Sin of Lust himself! What can I help you with?”

“We have a couple of questions for you, Stolas,” Ozzie said. He had been wracking his mind about the meeting that the two of them had about the crystal, before it was derailed by Fizz getting kidnapped. He had a lot of questions that he wanted to ask and now was the perfect time, it would get him even more information about Blitz and his whereabouts.

“Of course, I would love to answer any questions that you have about myself and my abilities,” Stolas answered immediately.

The sucking up that other demons usually did towards Ozzie had gotten old after he stopped being a teenager. It was rather annoying to have someone that had so much power at the tip of one of his feathers fawning over him like some kind of lovesick schoolgirl hoping to get her clit sucked. “When you and I were talking, you mentioned that you were in a relationship with someone that you loved but didn’t love you back. Would this happen to be Blitz?”

“Uh… Sire, I’m not sure why you need to know this information,” Stolas said. He had set down the book in his hand and was now pacing around his desk with the cord for his phone wrapped around his feather-fingers. It was eery to watch the way that he changed from the cool fawning persona to something so panicked and diverting around the question that had been asked.

“Please just answer me. Was the person that you were in a relationship with that ‘wasn’t right’ Blitzo Buckzo?” Ozzie asked. He could feel the grip of Fizz’s prosthetic on his hand tightening as the imp began to get more and more worried for his on-again-off-again best friend.

“I’m not sure what his last name was! But, uh, yes. I was in a relationship with an imp named Blitzy,” Stolas answered.

“Blitz, and he’s a hybrid,” Fizz corrected him.

“It’s okay, baby, I got this,” Ozzie said softly to his partner. He was able to see the way that the imp was becoming more and more distressed as time went on. If his suspicion was true and Blitz was going to commit suicide, then every single second that they wasted was a second that they could be helping him. Ozzie knew that it was stressful not knowing how long the letter had been there nor when Blitz was planning the end, if he really was. “Stolas, you mentioned something about your relationship not being right? What was that, why did you need my crystal?”

The Goetia stuttered through a couple of non-sentences before Ozzie repeated the questions, implying that he was getting sick of waiting and was going to become upset if he was not given a proper answer soon. “Well, it’s rather complicated. I don’t want to get either of us in trouble, Sire, but I know that I have to answer you because you asked me a direct question. The imp stole my grimoire from me so that he could have the ability to travel to the human world, for hits that would get him more money and keep his company afloat. I didn’t want to just report him to the police because the night after he took my book he showed me the best time that I’ve ever had.”

“What did you do?” Ozzie asked. Even across the phone, he was able to tell when someone had true intentions about things like lust and sex. It was a common misconception with people that rape was something driven by lust, but instead it was more in the domain of greed or envy. Someone had something that someone else wanted, so instead of fostering strong emotions between two people and bringing them down into the depths of his Sin, they would simply take it and bastardize the art of seduction. He was getting that feeling now, the sourness of someone taking what they wanted while the other person was staunchly against it.

“So I struck up a deal.” 

“What kind of deal?” Ozzie immediately asked.

“Well, I thought that it would be nice to actually have someone that appeared to care for me servicing me, sexually. I said that I would lend him my book outside of the full moon and the days that I needed it for work, like the Harvest Moon festival, if he would come and ravage me like he did the first night that we were together,” Stolas explained. “But-but after the night that we spent together at your club, I realized that it was wrong to try and ask that of him so I decided that I was going to end the deal. It was why I asked for one of the crystals, sire. I wanted him to be able to choose to come to me.”

Ozzie and Fizz turned to each other, eyes wide and horrified. Ozzie hated forced sex, it ruined the art of seduction and lust. He had made that explicitly clear when he was loaning out the crystal and when the Goetia had come to him. Stolas had even assured him that he would never do something like use a love potion when he was actively in the process of coercing a being of lesser magic and status than himself into sex on a monthly basis.

Taking the silence as an invitation to share his feelings instead of abject horror, Stolas continued, “The cruel man barely even considered the thought that I loved him, though. I poured my heart out to him and I was so vulnerable! For the first time in my entire life I let myself show who I really was. He was my best friend and the first person to make me feel special and yet he thought that I was trying to make it a sex thing! Then he wouldn’t even apologize to me and accused me of looking down on him. I have done no such thing, I hold him such high regard and that was why I hired him to be my sexy, sexy bodyguard. Can you believe that he would do something like that to me? At least Verosika seems to be on my side, I think that’s why she’s been spending more time with Blitzy. As a way to try and get him to see that I was just trying to help him so he’ll come crawling back to me.”

The conversation quickly tilted into what Stolas was going to do with the hybrid once they were back together. It was all deranged, sexual acts that would take at least two hours of negotiation to do safely with a strong safeword and boundaries already set up. By the way that the Goetia had described the relationship beforehand, Ozzie knew that they didn’t have the precedent to do what needed to be done.

He slammed the phone down next to him so that the call was ended and the room rang with eery silence. Fizz had the one hand that Ozzie wasn’t holding pressed over his mouth as his eyes swam with tears. “I can’t believe I encouraged him to do things to that bird when he didn’t want to. I gave him items to try and save his fucking company instead of telling him that you had offered a crystal through Stolas. Shit, we really should have asked more questions about that.”

“We were trying to do the right thing, Froggy. Unlike Stolas, we actually respect people’s boundaries. Now, I’m going to call Verosika while you call Barbie. Maybe with the four of us combined we’ll be able to get to the people closest to him and figure out where he is,” Ozzie said as he began to fish around for his personal phone instead of his Sin one. They would get this figured out, they would find him before he did anything that couldn’t be undone.

4. Barbie

Barbie shook herself as she stepped through the portal that her crystal made and back into Hell. She shook herself off to try and rid her hair of the dusting of snow that she had gotten while outside. She liked her new job more than she liked the one before, when she had been abusing young humans to try and pedal heroin. The drugs that she encountered in the human world had barely any affect on her, but they did remind her of what it had been like to be happy and high instead of having to deal with her emotions. It was a lot easier to seduce people into giving in to their wanton desires than it was to watch them do what she wanted to be doing.

“Welcome back,” one of her coworkers called with a small wave of her hand.

Barbie was now working with the concubus court as a sex worker. She had a crystal that she used to go up to the human world and seduce potential future sinners, but she also serviced hellborns and sinners that had enough money to pay for it. That meant that she had her own room where she could service people, both those whom wanted the company of a pretty girl such as herself and those that wanted sex. She had her own studio apartment in the upper levels that allowed her to have some privacy without being totally alone. 

“Thank you,” she smiled. She walked up to the desk in the front foyer of the building and then took her key off the wall, handing the Asmodean crystal to the attendant so that it could be locked away in the vault on the lowermost floor.

“You have a letter, dropped off by someone that looked like a more impish version of you,” the woman said as she began to dig through the pile of mail and papers on the desk. She finally located it and then handed it over to the hybrid before she returned to her work.

Barbie assumed that it was a piece of junk mail or more of the borderline creepy letters that she got from previous clients thanking her for what she had given them. They were sweet sentiments, usually from beings that had been alive back when the world was a very prudish place, but it had always freaked her out. Part of that was because of the letters and notes that she would find in her costume, dressing room, and tent back when she was part of a circus. She had been a child and teenager back then, so it was really upsetting to know that full grown adults were sneaking around her things to give her something that she hadn’t consented to receiving. Now that she was an adult, she found it kind of creepy to get those notes and letters because these people were quite literally paying her for her services. She wasn’t going out of her way to do something nice for them, they were paying her to do something that she had offered down on the big blackboard in the foyer.

She road the elevator up to her apartment and then opened it up. She shut and locked the door behind her, setting her key down on the hanger beside where she placed her coat. She removed the letter from the pocket as she turned her music on and let the sound float through her little apartment. It was so nice to be able to have her own space after so long of having to share with other people, it made her feel like her own individual instead of part of a twin set.

Barbie jumped up on the counter as she flipped the letter around to the front. She felt her heart drop down into her stomach as she saw that her name was written in Impish, something that she hadn’t seen since she was in the circus. She knew that this was Blitz’s handwriting, she had seen it over and over again when he had been forced to do the call sheets and chore lists by their father. She had no idea how he had managed to find where she was living this time, other than being the most competent, annoying stalker that she had ever met in her life.

“Fucking dickhead,” she mumbled as she prepared to throw the letter away. Part of her still doubted that it was her brother in the first place, though. She knew that he wrote more legibly in Impish than he ever would in English or the other languages that the humans spoke. They had both been taught how to write and read in that language thanks to their mother’s heavy ties to the tribal ways that their father had never bothered with.

There weren’t a lot of people that knew that she was a hybrid. She had always looked more like her mother, a succubus, than her father, so it was hard for people to tell that she was an imp when she wasn’t twirling around with one. She had used that to her advantage when she had started her new life in the Lust ring, and it was one of the reasons that she was able to apply for the job and a crystal in the first place.

If someone had figured out that she was an imp, then it could put her job in jeopardy. There was always a small chance that it wasn’t her brother who had written her the letter, or that he had gone entirely off the deep end and was threatening the life that she had made for herself again. She couldn't let that happen, she couldn’t let him ruin everything that she had worked so hard to get. She was clean, she had a place to live, she had steady work that brought her a lot of fulfillment. 

She took the letter back into her hands and then looked it over again. She had to read it, she knew that her mind wouldn’t let the topic drop until she had found out what lay inside of those damned pages. So she slit the top of the letter open with one of her paring knife attached to the magnets in her kitchen counter. She pulled the letter from the envelope and then stared at it like it was somehow going to immediately disappear because she wished it.

She then opened it up and let her eyes scan down to the bottom of the page. It was definitely Blitz writing her, which made her have the impulse to throw it away again.

Something about being in a more stable environment, with friends that understood her issues with substance abuse and supported her journey in recovering from it, made her pause. She had loved her brother like she loved herself at one point, he had been her right hand and her best friend. He had always come to check on her when she was in rehab and he had tracked her all the way to the human world so that he could check on her and make sure that she was still healthy.

He had ruined her life, twice, but he cared about her. She knew how badly their father had treated him, so the least she could do was give him a chance by reading his letter.

Dear Barbie,

I feel like I should have sent you this letter a long time ago, but I kept clinging to the idea that things were going to go back to the way that they were before the fire for some reason. I totally understand that’s never going to happen, you made that really clear before and I should have listened.

I know that the blame for that still lays heavy on my shoulders, but I promise that it was an accident. I didn’t mean to push the cake over or startle the horses. I never would have done that, but I regret it so much more because I know that the fire was the thing that killed our mother. I know that you will never forgive me for that and it’s entirely in your right to hold that against me because, honestly, I still hold it against myself as well. 

I totally understand your reasoning for wanting nothing to do with me and I should have respected that a lot sooner than I did. All you wanted was to be able to make a new life for yourself and I kept ruining it. I ruined your life the first time when I caused the fire and then you got more into your drug habits. I stalled your life way too fucking hard by continuing to visit you in rehab even after the nurses banned me and I had to start climbing through the stupid fucking windows. I ruined your life when my business intersected with yours and we killed the client that you were using to pedal heroin. I’m probably going to ruin it again just by sending this letter to you and for that I’m really, really fucking sorry.

The only thing that I ever wanted for you was for you to be happy. You’re my sister, my twin, and I love you so much. I know that you never really liked being my twin because it meant that we were a set instead of you being your own person. Back when we were in the circus, I used to ignore that because it really hurt my feelings. It was so much easier to pretend that it didn’t exist and still hold it against you than it was to look at why I felt like that and break it down properly.

I’m sorry that I made your life so shit, Barbie. I promise that I did love you.

The only reason that I’m writing this letter is to tell you that I’m not going to be your problem (or anyone’s for that matter) any longer. I’ve decided to take myself entirely out of your life and the equation of Hell. 

I know that probably sounds really scary, but I promise that it’s going to be easier for you to deal with that you think of. The elders in our circus always said that having a twin was like being half of a coin, having an opposite and a whole somewhere out in the world. I don’t think that we were ever really like that, you only ever wanted to hang out with me when your friends weren’t around or when you thought that Fizz and I were getting too close. You also made it really evident the last time that we saw each other how little you want to do with me, so when I’m dead you’re barely going to have to worry about anything anymore. You might be thinking that death sounds like a really permanent solution to just having my sister not want to see me, but there’s more reason for it.

I recently found out about a party that one of my exes was holding because I totally destroyed her life, you probably met her when you were in rehab together. I realized that I can’t keep doing this to people. Everyone that I meet gets hurt in some way because I am fundamentally a bad person. I can see now how badly I hurt you, and Verosika, and my daughter, and my employees (they’re my only friends, which tells you how fucking pathetic I am) and the last partner that I had. I feel bad for the last one, he said that I made him feel even worse than his abusive ex and I thought that I was only doing what he had done to me. I don’t know, I just know that I’m shit at being a person and everyone that I come across ends up getting hurt.

I already sent a letter to Fizz, so you don’t have to worry about telling him what’s going to happen. I just wanted to let you know that you don’t have to worry about me coming into your life and messing everything up again. I’m not your problem anymore, I’ll be some other realms problem. I’m sorry that I overshared so much in this letter, I guess the old habit of being your twin is going to have to die with me because I just couldn’t stamp the little fucker out. 

I hope that whatever your life turns out to be brings you happiness and you are as happy as you want to be. I love you so much, Barb.

-Blitzo Buckzo

Barbie screamed as she dropped the letter down. Her hands were shaking as she scrambled for her phone or her keys or something. She had to do something, to find her brother and stop whatever stupid plan he had come up with. She had lost her mother to the fire that had sent her life on this downwards spiral and her father to liver Cancer not long after. She didn’t know what she would do if she ended up losing her brother, her twin, too.

Before she had time to decide what she was going to do, her phone rang and she scrambled to answer it. “Blitzo?” she asked, not even checking the caller ID before she accepted the incoming call.

“You got a letter too? Barb, this is really bad!” Fizz replied instead of greeting her like he normally did. “If he managed to find you and wrote you a letter then this means that it isn’t a joke.”

“Do you know where he is or how to get in contact with someone closer to him?” Barbie asked. She had pushed him away from her so hard when they had last been together and yet her heart still ached when she thought about the fact that she was no longer in the innermost circle of his life.

“We were hoping that you had contact with someone that was closer to him than we are. I mean, the two of you are twins so I guess I assumed that you would have met his daughter or friends or something,” Fizz explained. She could hear the panic that was settling into his voice and almost felt it resonate through her bones. If she didn’t have the key that he needed to get to Blitz then it was possible that there was no way to reach out to him before he did something that couldn’t be undone. 

They had been in this position before, back when they were teenagers. Their life felt so endlessly complicated and difficult back then even though they didn’t know the half of what it would become in just a few months. She could still remember the sheer panic that had run through her when she had saw her brother drenched in the black blood from the cuts on his arms, his face still bruised from where their father had taken out his drunken anger on him. She remembered what it was like begging her mother to get up so that they could get him to a clinic in the nearest town and save his life before he bled out. Fizz had been there with her during that time too, which certainly wasn’t helping with giving her the feeling that she had already walked this path once before.

“I… I never forgave him for the fire. My therapist said that it would be good for me to cut out everything in my life that brought me pain, back when I was in rehab, so I had to make him leave me alone. Fizz, I think I helped cause this. I was the only thing that tied him back to his old life and now he’s going to be gone too. I can’t lose another family member!” she cried. She didn’t realize how desperately she had missed her brother until she was thinking about the reality of never being able to see him again. Cutting him out of her life was one thing, it allowed her to have the ability to go back and see him if she changed her mind. If he was able to go through with this, then it was going to mean that she had lost her entire family because she simply hadn’t reached out to them when she should have.

She could barely hear the words that were coming in from the other line of the phone as she tried to quiet her breathing. She didn’t want to lose the rest of her family, even if they weren’t the closest anymore. Fizz’s shout of her name brought her back so that he could hear him repeat himself, “That’s not going to happen! Ozzie is calling one of his exes, the one that he spoke to most recently that hasn’t been sexually exploiting him. We’re going to find him before he manages to do anything and then we’ll prove to him that while he does need to work on his fucked up parts, we still want him to be around so that he can actually do that.”

“You’re right! This is Blitz we’re talking about. All we have to do is challenge him into actually doing this and then we’ll be golden, he’s so stubborn that there’s no way that he could forgo a challenge like this,” Barbie nodded. She was quiet for a moment before she asked, “Fizz? Do you think that I could come stay with you until we find him? I don’t feel safe right now and I want to be able to present him with something to be proud of when we do find him.”

“Yeah, I’ll have one of the drivers pick you up and we can wait this out together,” Fizz immediately replied.

Barbie felt her shoulders immediately sag when she knew that she had him to lean on in some form or another. Perhaps her therapist had been wrong when telling her to cut pain from her life before it had the chance to tempt her, because Fizz had the chance to hurt her really badly and yet he was helping her more than not seeing Blitz ever did. She hung up the phone so that they could text while waiting anxiously for any change in the case.

5. Verosika

After a long night of performing at Ozzie’s, the only thing that she wanted to do when she got home was sleep for several hours. She knew that she had to find a healthier lifestyle, but the one that she had was fun and inspiring and exciting. She got very little sleep and used to have to drink herself into a stupor to forget the horrors that had come from her previous recording studio, but she was somewhere safer now. Ozzie was sponsoring her so that she could get properly clean and she had people around her that truly loved her.

She drove through the high metal gates of her community and then down the long, pink driveway to her home. It was massive, made of mostly windows so that she could see the gorgeous views that her hilltop abode afforded her. After clawing her way out of poverty to get to the place that she was now, and fighting alcoholism the entire way, she knew that she deserved this. Her home was what she had made of it with her own money, time, and effort.

Verosika stepped out of the car and walked into her home with her Hellhound following behind her. She wasn’t the type of demon that had hired him on while thinking that he was going to be a literal dog, she was far too smart for that. She had hired him as security after someone had broken into her house and tried to rape her. Apparently being a part of the concubus court meant that she had to deal with even more sexualization and a stronger expectation that she would ‘like it’ because she was an inherently sexual being. She shuddered at the memory and reminded herself that wasn’t going to happen.

She had Vortex to help keep her safe and she was now somewhat friends with Prince Stolas after helping him get over their shared ex. She had done that to a lot of other people before, but part of her knew that most of the floosies and idiots that she heard had some dealings with her ex were just coming to her parties for fun. They didn’t need the help that she was offering, they barely knew Blitz and so they hadn’t had their hearts broken by him the way that she and a few others had.

For the most part, he was good at making sure that he kept his distance from people so that they wouldn’t get hurt when he got bored and then chose to move on. She was one of the few acceptions to that, he had told her that she was special and he had laughed at her jokes. He had even sung with her when she had created the song that she had wanted to give to him for their one year anniversary. She supposed that telling him she loved him was just too much for him to handle, because when she woke up the next morning he had gone with her credit card, car, and heart.

Despite the heartbreak that followed her like death followed Sinners, she was doing pretty well for herself. Ozzie’s was a stable place to work and that allowed her to have the routine that she needed to avoid drinking because she was just too bored not to. She had stable income that allowed her to have the pleasurable things in life that she had always lusted after. She had a stable mind that wasn’t constantly yearning after a man that had turned her down years and years ago.

She paused when she heard Tex come back into the house. “Apparently someone brought some mail to you and knew the detail that they asked to make sure that it wasn’t stalkers,” he said as he approached her.

She felt her stomach do a flip about that. She had been getting way too many creepy letters and packages to feel completely safe in her own home, despite the security on the outside and inside, thanks to Tex and the compound, being really good. She had begun to set a sort of password system that would prevent anyone that didn’t know the answer from leaving her anything. It had ended up being a secret that she had shared with the aforementioned hybrid back when they were together.

“May I see it?” she asked as she held out her hand. Tex nodded and handed the letter over to her, placing the rest of the bills down on the pile in the corner. That was what she was planning on doing that night when she woke up from sleeping but wasn’t ready to go to work yet. It appeared like her nap was going to be delayed to the point where she wouldn’t be able to get to it.

She slit the envelope open and then began to read the letter, immediately recognizing Blitz’s handwriting. It was simply a neater version of the note that he had left her when he had taken all of her things and run down to Wrath.

Dear Verosika,

You’re probably really scared and confused about why I left this letter for you. To put it shortly: I’m going to kill myself.

I know that feels like a really harsh way to begin a letter, but I thought that it was a good way to get the message across as succinctly as possible. You’re the first person that I’ve told that to deliberately. I told Fizz and Barbie that I wasn’t going to be their problem anymore. I told Loona, my daughter, that I was letting her have the freedom to do whatever she wanted without me hovering around her anymore. I told my employees that they were taking over the company for me. You were always different than the other people in my life, though, you had this way of drawing the truth out of me even if I didn’t know that it was the truth at the time. I trust you with this information and I know that I can’t lie to you anyway.

I’m sorry for all the shit that I put you through when we were together. It doesn’t excuse anything, but I did want to tell you why it was so hard for me to believe that you did actually love me and why I panicked so hard.

When I was younger, I was part of a circus. You already know that, as well as the fact that my twin hated me for something that I did when I was in it. The thing is, I was best friends with Fizzarolli because he was also a member of that same circus. I was in love with him, though. I was going to tell him how I felt on his birthday but my dad had just terrorized me again, to the point where I didn’t feel like I was even worthy to be Fizz’s friend let alone be in a relationship with him. I ended up causing a big fire through a lot of accidents and incidents, but it left Fizz completely fucking scarred. He lost his horns and his limbs and would have ruined his career if it weren’t for Mammon and Ozzie.

I had seen what my love did to other people and that made me scared to give it to people that I really, really loved. A few had managed to squirm their way underneath the walls that I put up, you and Loona mostly. I managed to get over the whole anti-love thing with Loona because she was my daughter and not a romantic partner, but unfortunately I can’t say the same for you.

I did love you, and that was what had scared me about our relationship so much that I had to go and wreck it all. You were more beautiful than any of the legends about concubus say, you were funny and witty and snarky in a way that actually meshed with mine instead of competing against it. You held me in all the right ways, so that I could actually sleep. You made me feel important and like I was worthy of something.

I guess that’s why I panicked and decided that it was impossible for you to actually feel that way about me. I’ve been told my entire life that I’m a piece of shit so it’s a little hard to believe that other people believe I have the capacity to not be exactly that. I hope that this made any sense, I’ve been crying for hours so my brain is a little fucking fried.

Apologies don’t mean shit, I learned that at the party that you threw. By the way, there’s a check in the envelope for the money that I stole from you, the hotel room, and your car. I was trying to make shit up to a lot of the other exes that I had, but I’m going to be totally honest with you. I didn’t think that I needed to apologize to a lot of those people. They got too attached to me or decided that there was something there that I had explicitly stated I didn’t want.

Do you wanna know something weird? Stolas tried to make my apologize to him even though the only thing I did was get upset at something that he did that triggered me. We weren’t even in a real relationship, I was having sex with him so that he wouldn’t throw me in jail.

Shit, that sounds a lot worse than I thought it would. Basically, I stole a book from him so that I could travel up to the human world for higher paying assassin jobs, trying to give my daughter a better life and all that shit, but he found out about it. Dickhead called me while I was on a job and then started going on and on about how he didn’t want me to get in trouble so he was going to do me a favor by offering me a deal. I ended up screwing his brains out once a month for almost a year despite the fact that I prefer to be on the bottom, but I think that you’re one of the only people that knows that.

He ended it by giving me a crystal and saying that he wanted to end things. I didn’t know how the crystal worked at first, it found out by looking up some concubus tutorials online. I thought that he was going to end my business and negate my ability to take care of my daughter in one swoop, so I panicked. You know what I do when I panic. I beg, then I insult, then I get mad. I didn’t really feel like I was insulting him this time, I was mostly just telling him what I actually thought about him because I was finally allowed to. He got pissed and then threw me out.

Some weird part of me wanted him back, though. I guess it was the part of me that didn’t want to be alone. I would rather be with someone that has no interest in me outside of my dick and his fetish than be totally on my own. I’ve always known that my friends are really just my coworkers and my daughter resents me for adopting her when she could have aged out of the system. I guess all the hate and hurt that I’ve caused really slapped me across the fact after that party that you threw.

I think it’s going to be better for everyone overall if I’m just not here anymore. I killed my own mom by being stupid, I turned my friend into a quadruple amputee, I drove away everyone else that could have ever loved me. I regret doing that to you the most, I think. Everyone else already hated me before I forced myself into their lives, but you never did. 

I love you so much, V.

I guess that’s why you got the full scoop, I still love you like we’re together even though it’s been years since we broke up. I hope that you can find love and peace again. I’m gonna do it at our spot, so that you can’t go there with someone else. It’s the most selfish thing that I’m going to do in my life, kill myself in the place that was special to us when we were together. I guess I haven’t really changed all that much.

-Blitzo Buckzo

Verosika threw the letter down on the table and grabbed her keys. Blitz had sent her the letter at some point that day, because the office was closed at night when she had been working. “Don’t follow me!” she shouted after Tex as she opened the door to her garage and then rushed inside. She could barely get out of her compound quick enough to sate the adrenaline that was rushing through her. 

When her phone began to ring with a call from her boss, she removed it and answered it. Her shoulder kept the device pinned to her ear so that she could focus on weaving around the sparse traffic of the early morning. “I’m not going to be able to perform for a while, sorry.”

“It’s actually not about that. I wanted to ask if you knew anything about Blitz’s whereabouts. I know that he’s your ex and the two of you don’t really get along anymore, but Fizz and I aren’t in contact with anyone in his life that’s any closer. We received a rather concerning letter and we wanted to check on him to make sure that he was alright,” Ozzie explained hurriedly.

“I guess he was telling the truth when he told me that I was the only person that he told about his full plan. I got a letter too, one that told me he was going to kill himself in our special place so that I couldn’t make memories with someone new there,” she explained. She was gripping the steering wheel so hard that her pink knuckles had turned gray with the blood that was being forced around them. She was sucking in her breaths as she tried to focus on simply driving and not panicking.

“Are you already on your way? If you tell us the spot then we can come after him and help you if things are worse than you’re anticipating,” Ozzie said. She was having a bit of trouble hearing him over the blowing wind that was tossing her hair from side to side. Despite that, she was able to make out the sounds of another person talking in the background and items rustling around while they got ready to leave.

Verosika immediately replied, “No! The worst thing for him right now is being made to feel like he’s a spectacle. He’s going through something really rough right now and he needs to be supported.”

“Do you think that you’re the right person for the job?” Fizz asked. 

“What’s that supposed to mean, frog face?” she demanded. She usually wouldn’t snap at Fizz like that, the two of them had become fast friends with each other and got along thick as thieves. The only reason that she was being so testy and borderline cruel to him was because of how worried she was for Blitz. She knew that he struggled with things like depression, but this was something else entirely.

“I just meant that you hold that annual hate party for him and I don’t think that someone that’s willing to go that far over their ex is the best to talk them down when they have a bullet pressed against their head,” Fizz replied quickly. It was a reasonable assumption, in all honesty, since she had forgotten to explain herself to them properly.

She huffed as she continued to speed towards the place where she always met her love. “Do you really think that someone that earnestly hated another person would throw a party dedicated to them every year? I like partying, but not that much. I’m still very much in love with Blitz, Fizz. I’m going to find him and I’m going to bring him home safe and sound. Promise.”

The other end of the phone was silent for an achingly long time, to the point where she began to wonder if she had driven through a dead spot. Finally, Fizz said, “You better. If I never end up seeing my best friend again then I will never forgive you, Mayday.”

She let out a breath as she let her phone drop down next to her and focused entirely on driving. She didn’t even care of the expensive custom case that she had just purchased for it survived the trip it made down to the floor. She wanted to see Blitz and she wanted to see him now, so that was the only thing that she could focus on.

Verosika only stopped when she got to the little outcrop that would lead them down to their spot. They had been young when they had dated each other, barely out of teenagerhood with the stupidity still clinging to them like sweat on the highest summer day. That meant that they often just drove around until they found a place in the woods where they could make out, maybe fuck, or just be alone together so that they didn’t have tow worry about other demons judging them for what they did. They had found their spot by brushing off of the main path onto a social path, and then going through a small splitting in the clover. It was a beautiful location, bright ever-present cherry blossoms circling the greenest sorrel that she had ever seen in her life. Flowers and wild berry bushes surrounded the outside as well. A very powerful Overlord had come through into Lust there, which was why it was such a unique place. The Overlord had fallen a couple of exterminations ago, which meant that it was left abandoned for them to find.

She was trying to remember every single twist and turn until she finally happened across it again. Her heart was pounding in her chest and her blood was rushing in her ears when she saw the slumped over figure of the hybrid that she had loved so dearly. She knew that her life would be so much less without him, despite what she had told him over and over again.

“Blitz!” she cried. She didn’t know why he had dropped the last letter of his name, but if that was what he wanted to be called when she was going to do it. Verosika took off through their meadow and then dropped down next to him, relief flooding through her when she saw no sign of black blood amongst the beauty. All she saw was the tears stained cheeks of her ex-boyfriend and a quivering body that needed to be soothed.

“How much of a fucking coward am I?” he asked, dropping the gun down by his side. “I prepared all of this for a fucking month and then I couldn’t even go through with it. Gave everyone these stupid letters and drew up all this paperwork, only for my damned finger to get stuck on the trigger.”

“I’m so glad that you didn’t,” she whispered. She picked up the gun and then emptied the bullets out of it, tucking them into her pocket. She flicked the safety back on as she let the gun itself drop back down into the sorrel. She had never been one for weapons, not when she was the weapon herself. She didn’t know how to disarm it properly.

“Why?” Blitz asked, tilting his head back so that he could look at her properly.

Verosika knew that it was a tender situation and she was sober enough to know what that meant, that she should be treating Blitz kindly. She was unable to stop the hysterical giggle that burst through her mouth and into the air between them. She slapped a hand over her lips and immediately said, “I didn’t mean to do that.”

Blitz inched away from her so that he was sitting underneath one of the cherry trees, staring at the never-ripe fruit. “I guess it was pretty selfish of me to tell you that I wanted you to move on and find someone that really loved you before I tried to kill myself in our spot. I can do it somewhere else, if you want.”

The manic feeling that she had been battling was suddenly gone, all at once. The seriousness of the situation returned to her as she reached out and took his hand. She rubbed her fingers over his knuckles using her other hand, just how she knew that she liked it. “Blitz, I don’t want you to kill yourself at all. I know that I throw that stupid party every year, but it’s not because I actually hate you. I love you more than I should, given all the horrible things that you’ve called me over the years. I make that the theme of my Halloween party every year to try and trick myself into actually hating you when I know that’s impossible. I’ll never be able to hate you.”

“You’re joking, right?” Blitz asked. His expressive eyes were numb and dead, like he didn’t even have the energy to fake a reaction for her.

“Of course I’m not joking! This isn’t really the type of situation for it,” she shook her head. “Blitz, there’s a reason that I’ve never had another partner other than the fucks I do to keep my magic going. You completely fucking ruined my ability to love anyone else because of how charming and quick witted and smart you are.”

“I don’t believe that,” Blitz said as he turned his head away from her.

“Why not?” she demanded.

“I’m fucking impossible to love! Okay?” he shouted.

She flinched back but didn’t get up and leave. She’d had enough fights with him and talked to enough people to know that this was what he did. When he knew that things were getting rough in his head, he pushed people’s buttons and specifically did things that he knew would make them leave. He was looking for someone that would stay when things got to their worst, when he was at his worst. He had never been able to find someone that had done that, everyone that he had ever gotten intertwined with was so self-centered that they had done what he wanted and abandoned him because they didn’t care enough to put in the work. She hadn’t, of course, she had been left in a motel with no way to get him. She wasn’t going to leave him now either, not when it could mean losing him forever instead of just for years.

“Why do you think that?” she asked.

“Stolas,” he mumbled. When she didn’t reply, he took it as she had wanted him to and began to rant about what the Goetia had done. “I snuck into that party you threw, right? I found him because he was the last person on my list to apologize to when I was trying to prove a point to him. I don’t fucking know how but we ended up getting to the topic of our relationship and I asked him what he would even see in me, why he wanted to change what we had from transactional sex into a romantic relationship.”

“What did he say?” she pried. She had remembered what Blitz had written in her letter and suddenly her stomach turned. Concubus were above imps in the rankings, but Blitz’s hybrid status was very unknown by those he worked with. Stolas’ song, the one that he had sung when she had offered him the mic at her party, was now leaving a bad taste in her mouth. How dare he ask those questions of someone that he had coerced into sex and how dare she call Blitz a motherfucker for not loving him back?

“He said that he wanted someone that cared for him and wanted him around. It was soap opera bullshit, it had nothing to do with me. Why would it? I was a novelty to him, something new and exciting. He didn’t give a shit that I was a whole person with my own thoughts and feelings, I was just the person that awakened his sexual drive. I wasn’t anything more to him than an animated doll that was at his beck and call. He didn’t want me, he wanted someone to love him like he was in a soap opera. If some brand new person had walked up to him and confessed their love then he would have accepted it. This guy got me a fucking crystal to do my job with and made a deal with me so that he could see me more often and it didn’t even have to be me, he just wanted anyone to be there.”

Verosika fell to her side so that she was sitting beside Blitz, closer than she had been before. She felt shock and horror rushing through her, creating a maddening cocktail that made her head hurt. She asked, “He really said all of that?”

“I’m not creative enough to think up that kind of plot, V,” he huffed.

She shook her head and said, “You’re right, that was a stupid question. I’m so fucking sorry that happened to you, baby. I should have gotten your side of the story in the breakup. I should have done that with a lot of your exes, so many fucking stories came out at later parties that put them in the wrong.”

He gave her an unsure look but still leaned into her side when she placed her arm around his shoulders and brought him closer to her. It was easy for them to fall back into the dynamic that they’d had when they were together, she didn’t expect anything different. She brushed her fingers over the place where his horns protruded from his skull and got him to let out a lazy, relaxed purr.

She didn’t want to break the silence that they had fallen into. His warmth and breathing against her side was reassuring to her in a way that she wasn’t quite sure how to explain. She had always adored the shorter hybrid, but she had never realized how truly terrifying it was to her until it was staring her right in the face. The longer that she dragged out the silence, the longer that she sat in the moment of peace that she had created, the longer that she didn’t have to think about the alternate ending to her arrival at their spot. She took a deep breath as she prepared to break that moment and face the music. 

“Blitz, you were right when you said that we were in Hell.”

“Oh?” he asked, that shit-eating grin that always made her what to kiss him covered his face and she almost rolled her eyes. A smile pulled at her own lips as she continued the motions that had made him relax in the first place. 

“The shit that you wrote about Stolas in that letter, it’s what convinces me that the people down here are crappy. The royals are too close to all the Sinners that are sent down here by God, they get tainted. They don’t spend enough time around the Hellborn to learn about why we were here first or why we’re more important than them. Stolas never should have done any of that to you and I’m so sorry that he did,” she said.

“I probably deserved it, the forces of the universe likely sent me down that route so that I would end up removing myself from the world and stop hurting people,” Blitz mumbled. It was a better explanation that what she thought that he was going to try and throw at her, but it still made her blood boil to think about the person that had made him think that way. She hated herself for encouraging Stolas to sing that awful song about how he hadn’t been in the wrong and Blitz was always in the right. If only she had kept her head on straight and let go of the hate that she had for the first boy to ever actually break her heart.

“You didn’t deserve shit, he took advantage of you like all shitty people do,” she shook her head. “I want you to stick around, I love you.”

“You don’t mean that,” Blitz whispered. He turned his head towards her to tuck his face away into the sweater that she was wearing from her recording session early that morning. She took the opportunity to wrap her arms around him and hold him close, like she was going to be able to save him from the wrath of the world with nothing more than sheer force of will.

“I mean that more than I’ve ever meant anything in my entire life. If you had been in my apartment when I found out that you were going to kill yourself then you wouldn’t doubt me for even a second,” she whispered against the side of his head. “I love you and I want you to stick around. I’m not going to be able to do the work for you when it comes to getting that head of yours figured out, but I can support you and encourage you. Like how you tried to get me sober when we were together,” she suggested.

He tilted his head up so that he could look at her and then asked, “Promise?”

“I promise,” she nodded. He sniffled and buried his head back where it had been before. She allowed him to cry into her sweater, even though she was going to have to get it dry cleaned when they got back to her home. She didn’t care, twenty dollars for dry cleaning felt like nothing compared to the comfort that her beloved needed to derive from her so that he felt as though he could actually live through this bout of pain.

When he had finished crying, she took his hand and led him back to the car. Blitz had to be buckled into his seat and was basically catatonic as they drove all the way back to his home in Pride. She had seen him like this before, but usually substances or a massive fight had happened before. She kept the music of the car off and chose to just sing along with the wind, she knew that her voice had a lulling affect on him.

They reached his apartment and he took her hand almost as if it was a subconscious action, like he couldn’t imagine a world in which they weren’t fighting and he wasn’t holding onto her. She felt reassured by the motion, like she had given him something more to fight for.

She walked him up the stairs to his apartments and then opened the door to reveal two imps and a hellhound sitting around the kitchen island while looking very somber. The imp with black hair immediately reached down to her waist and grabbed a knife, while the hellhound pinned her ears back and growled. Blitz flinched back into Verosika and for a moment she worried that they had come into the wrong apartment, before she remembered that these were the employees that had been with him while they were having their Demon Duel.

She was worried that she was going to have to put herself in the middle of them and then drag Blitz to her home, which would make it a lot harder to watch him and make him comfortable. When he was going through such a traumatic event, he should be in the place where he knew that he was safe. He had made his apartment into a safe place, even if he had no real bed and all of his things had been packed up so that they could be disposed of after his impending death.

The girl with the black hair set her knife down on the table and then rushed to him, flinging her arms around the hybrid. “Boss, I thought that you were really gone for good! I kept telling Mox that we had to look for you, that this wasn’t something that you would just do because you got bored. It wasn’t until we came back here and saw the letter that you have given to Loona that we knew something was really up. I’m so fucking relieved that you’re okay!”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m okay,” Blitz replied. 

The way that he said it made it sound like he was trying to convince himself that it was true as well. Verosika felt her heart breaking in her chest all over again. If she had put her emotions to the side for a single second and asked him about why he had done those things to her, she might have been able to see what was wrong with him before it had actually happened. She longed to reach out to him and wrap him up in her own arms, instead of watching someone else do it, but these were people that were just as close to him as she once had been. They were worried for him and they deserved to have a chance to love on him like she’d had when she was bringing him back to safety.

“Sir, I promise that I wasn’t trying to imply that you would just get bored of the company! I think I was just in shock because this doesn’t really seem like something that you would do unless you were in a lot of trouble. When I said that this seemed like something that you would do, it’s because whenever your past comes back it seems like that past wants to kill us,” Moxxie rambled.

“Or steal our parking space,” Blitz nodded as he glanced back at Verosika.

“You deserved it at the time. And you ended up winning fair and square,” she shrugged. She pressed a kiss to the base of his horn and then went to the living room so that she could tidy up some of the things around the apartment. She had never been a very clean person in general, but she was itching for a drink to make her emotions quieter and knew that cleaning would be able to distract her hands from impatient searching.

“Is there something going on between the two of you?” Moxxie asked as he pulled back from where his wife had brought him into a hug with Blitz. 

“Kind of? It’s complicated and I’m fucking wiped, so I don’t really have the energy to get into it tonight,” he answered with a shrug. He looked up from his employees and then looked towards his daughter, which made Verosika stop and turn towards him so that she could watch what was going to happen. “Hey kiddo. I’m sorry if I worried you, but if you don’t want me here then I can pick up my things and go home with V for the evening. She said that she was willing to give me her spare room for a month or two if I needed it.”

“You… You stupid fucking idiot,” Loona replied. She hadn’t looked up from the kitchen island, her fingers playing with the knife that was laying there from Millie earlier. She brought both of her hands up to her eyes as she released a long whine and then something that sounded very similar to a sob. “I thought that you had left me too! I thought that you had abandoned me when things got tough like everyone does even though you fucking promised me that you were never going to do that.”

“Oh, Loona,” Blitz whispered. He pushed past the two imps that were standing around him and then walked over to her with his arms open. He paused when he got close to her and then took a step back, like he wasn’t entirely sure that his advances were wanted. 

She turned to him and launched herself at him. She buried her face into his neck and then began to heave massive, wet sobs into his shirt. He brought his hand up and rubbed her back, before using the other one to pet her hair so that it wasn’t getting snot and tears into it. It was sweet, even though their massive height difference honestly made the entire scene a bit comical. 

Verosika returned back to setting things away so that the apartment was more tidy. Soon, Moxxie and Millie had joined her as they unpacked the carefully stuffed boxes so that books were back on their shelves and clothes were in tidy stacks in the hamper in the corner. She was definitely going to help the duo look for a two bedroom apartment or buy Blitz some furniture once this was over. Sleeping on the couch wasn’t too bad when it was a fold out, but the item that he currently had looked like it would be more fitting in the back of a dumpster somewhere.

Eventually, the two stopped hugging and fawning over each other. Moxxie and Millie left so that they could get some food, as it was apparently the Wrathian thing to do when someone was upset. Loona helped get the coach set back up with all the pillows and blankets that had been on it before. Meanwhile, Blitz went to shower and change into something comfortable. Verosika texted Fizz and Ozzie to let them know everything that had happened and only put her phone away when she got a promise from them both that they would wait a day or two before they lectured Blitz about scaring them like that. 

Instead, they just messaged him and let him know that they loved him. Barbie did the same thing, Verosika saw the notification of the text on Blitz’s phone while he was getting food in the kitchen with the others. Things were far from over, but Blitz was safe right now an that was what had mattered most.

+1 Stolas

Things had been better for Blitz, recently.

He had gotten into therapy with someone that actually cared about his mental well being instead of just his dollar contribution to their company. It was nice to be able to talk to someone about how he felt without the fear of them telling him how disgusting and degenerate he was because of it. He was able to work through a lot of his self loathing with the help of a trained professional, getting to the point where he was able to objectively find things that were bad and fix them without trying to disintegrate every part of what made him himself in the process.

Verosika was helping a lot too. She picked him up and drove him to every appointment that he had, both to make sure that he would go and so that he had someone to take care of him afterwards. The post-therapy time that they spent together eventually warped back into date nights. She would take him to nice movie theaters and fancy restaurants, spoiling him with the money that she had gotten during her time as a famous pop star. He would take her out to the greasy diners that he loved and walk around parks with her. 

He couldn’t afford much, not since she had helped him get a two bedroom apartment just outside of Imp City. She had a lot of money to throw around when it came to getting furniture for him, but it was easier to accept those things as gifts rather than depending on another person to pay his rent. Loona didn’t seem to mind the girlier things that filled up their apartment as Verosika put her own decorative spin on things, she mostly just liked having her own space while also knowing that her dad was being taken care of.

The business was going really well too. Blitz had stepped back in as the boss once he got to a place where he felt stable enough to do actual paperwork. He took more input from Moxxie and the two of them worked together so that they could draw in the highest amount of clientele. It was a little harder to run multiple hits when they only had one opening to the human world, but they made it work regardless. Moxxie stopped overthinking things when he was working with Blitz and just got down to the basics of what they needed to do, which allowed them to carry out their hits as cleanly and precisely as they needed to.

On top of spending actual quality time with his friends, the people that he viewed as the family that he had lost, he was also spending time with people from his past. Barbie came to a therapy session with Blitz once a month and the two of them talked about what had happened to them when they were kids and then the problems that they faced when they were adults. Fizz and Ozzie invited Blitz and Verosika over for game nights every other week, and Blitz invited them to the family movie nights that he had with the rest of IMP.

He had just returned home late one Friday night. Loona was out with her hellhound friends, something that she had expressed she really wanted during a therapy session that he had with her so that they could get their boundaries properly sorted out. He was still worried about her being hurt the way that he so often had been when he was her age, but he also understood that he needed to let her make her own bad decisions. Mille and Moxxie had just taken Blitz out to dinner so that they could celebrate getting a massive swarm of clients that paid very handsomely, so much so that they could afford to buy a car that ran nicer than the van did and give it specifically to their company instead of relying on Blitz to use his personal vehicle.

He sighed as he sat his keys and wallet down in the basket that Verosika had put on the sorter next to the door. He then slipped off his boots and put them where they belonged. He felt more like he had an actual place in the apartment now, somewhere that his things belonged in. It was better than what he’d had before, like his things were simply dumped on top of furniture that didn’t belong to him and thus making him exist in a space that was not truly his own.

He then bent down and picked up the mail that Loona had placed on the sorter from when she had popped back home to change and redo her makeup. He sorted the things that were supposed to go to the company and had somehow ended up with him, leaving them by the sorter so that he would pick them up when he went to work the next time. He tossed the junk mail into the recycling bin and then paused when he saw the overly loopy handwriting on the front of an ornate letter addressed to him.

He sat down on the couch in his living room as he contemplated opening it. He hadn’t actually gotten around to talking about Stolas in total detail to his therapist yet, there was so much that he had to unpack about his life that it was still sitting on the back burner. He wasn’t sure that he wanted to hear what the Goetia had to say, not when it had totally torn his life apart the last time that he had thrown caution to the wind for him.

Blitz didn’t know how long he sat there with the letter clutched in his fingers, staring down at the words like they were suddenly going to come to life and coerce him back into sex. He knew that was what had happened to him now, he had talked to Verosika about it and she had let him know exactly what words went with what had happened to him and his feelings. Apparently it was pretty common in the show world and the concubus court for someone with power to extort their prey so that they could get sex while pretending like they were helping the victim out. It was exactly what Stolas had done to him, but extra scummy because of the level of power imbalance at play being even more massive than the differences within the concubus court.

He could almost hear the words that Stolas had said to him, the words that made his skin crawl and his stomach roil with disbelief.

When have I ever looked down on you?

I can’t believe you think so low of me.

You’ve come to ravage me.

You didn’t even come when that Striker friend of yours tried to kill me!

Have you come to seduce me?

You are so cute when you are serious.

I have more wine in the house.

Not a single one of their interactions had ever made Blitz happy. He had thought that he needed to feel guilty for using Stolas so that he could spy on his employees at Ozzie’s, but that action paled in comparison to what Stolas had done to him. He had felt guilty and wrong for breaking the deal and stopping the fight for it to continue. He hadn’t even been the one to say that they should change things or that he didn’t want it anymore, even though he hated every minute of it that he had suffered through. Somehow, Stolas had made him feel as though it were his fault that the prince had chosen to alter things and then hadn’t liked how it had turned out. Everything was always Blitz’s fault in that particular relationship, and he now knew that shouldn’t have been the case.

Blitz stood up and threw the letter into the recycling bin with the junk mail. As far as he was concerned, it was.

[autistichalsin]

Twitter is incredibly fucking toxic place to partake in a fandom in, and I'm so sorry you've had to discover that firsthand. the irony is that Tumblr used to be like that, until the people who complained about "toxic/problematic fandoms" did a mass migration to Twitter in the 2010s, and since then Twitter became super toxic and Tumblr has honestly been so much nicer (not perfect, there's assholes everywhere, but the improvement has been insane). it's almost as if the issue wasn't the fictional incest ships but the people who would attack other real people over them, and those people taking the trash (themselves) out cleaned the air. who would've thunkt lmao.

Twitter is a breeding ground for antis like they're the bacteria in a petri dish. their version of fandom is polished and performative, because they need to clean it up so it's acceptable when they @ the actual people working on and creating that media they like. the beauty of Tumblr is that with none of the creators on the platform, the fandom here is aimed at other fans. we create content to connect with each other, rather than to compete and win the attention of the creators.

I'm sorry for what you've had to deal with lately, but I do really hope that you can continue to partake in the fandom here with us and keep creating HCs and fics and everything that you do. your contributions are genuinely appreciated here, by myself and clearly by many others too :) take care ♡

That's the funny part- I was here in the Superwholock days, watched it get unbearably toxic, switched to Twitter, watched a wave of people come in from the porn ban... and watched it become more toxic than I ever imagined. Elon taking over only made it worse.

I plan to keep on making the HCs. Almost everyone I enjoyed talking to on Twitter is on either Discord or Tumblr, so I can't say I'll miss it all that much, since the people I love are here. <3 Thank you so much for your message.

[silvysartfulness]

You know why I (and a lot of people I know) almost exclusively use discord these days?

It's because most public forums and social media platforms have become so fucking toxic, they've become unbearable and unusuable for a lot of people.

Dogpiling, harassing, callout posts for the stupidest and most childish made-up things, doxxing or threats thereof and just a ton of entitled assholes with no sense of netiquette or simple common courtesy - from fandom spaces to social media to creative forums, a lot of people just don't know when to stay in their own lane and behave like normal civilized people anymore.

Discord is reminiscent of the early internet because it offers a curated space, where the people who ruin the experience for others get booted.

I miss the forums of old, too, and it is a problem that the treasure trove of public information they provided just isn't a thing anymore...

But rather than blaming the existence of platforms like discord, we need to take a closer look at the dynamics that have made so many people online prefer closed, vetted spaces in the first place.

[absurdthirst]

Hey Keri, I hope you're doing ok!

I need some advice but I don't want to bring more drama to your ask...

Pedro fandom has gotten a bit unbearable these days and I'm feeling kinda lost. I still love him and his work but I don't like being in the fandom space anymore. There's too much discourse and it's starting to make me lose interest in him.

I'm torn between flat-out leaving or stepping back (until we get new content) because I have made friends in the fandom too.

It's weird because I've been in some way worse toxic fandoms before and managed. For some reason, now I can't bare it here.

I completely understand and this isn't bringing more drama my way, so please don't worry about that.

It's amazing to me how toxic this fandom has gotten. Especially for a man who is by all accounts a fucking sweetheart and literally said that if he could everyone one thing it would be to 'be kind'. This fandom is definitely not living up to those words and I hate it here sometimes. He deserves the best we can give him and for some reason, it's like the worst is coming out in people.

If you need to step back, that can be both healthy and great for you. You can always create a discord to continue to chat with the friends you have made here if you need to log off Tumblr.

If you leave the fandom completely, I'm sure that you will be missed by tons of people, but you have to do what is best for you. We have lost so many people, good people, due to the toxic bullshit and I can only hope that people finally start getting it through their heads that being jackasses is not the way.

You do what is best for you, honey. If that's logging off for a little bit, great. If it's bidding adieu to the fandom, I wish you all the best wherever you land! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[sunsetcurveofficial]

You know, this might be the quickest I’ve seen a fandom turn toxic. I love jatp and desperately want there to be more seasons, but there’s a part of me that is hoping for this fandom to dissolve because of how awful it’s becoming. According to the pearl clutching fandom police crew, Charlie is now “openly racist” because he hasn’t posted about BLM. And naturally they’re singling out only Charlie. 1 of 2

2 of 2 Are these people just jealous that Charlie ended up being the most popular cast member and not their favorite and are so immature that they’re manufacturing any reason they can possibly think of to hate on him? Because that’s sure what it seems like.

okay, so. i know you already sent this on friday and i really wasn’t in the right headspace to get into this drama over the weekend, but i keep seeing a lot of bs about this and i see people getting harassed and bullied, and i see kenny being dragged into it and it just makes me irrationally angry because it’s so irritating. especially when people are attacked over something like this. some of those people act like charlie is the most horrible person on the entire planet. dude cares about sea life and the environment. that’s what he’s most passionate about, that’s what he feels confident in sharing information about, so that’s what he focuses on. there is literally nothing wrong with that.

like. yeah, i get it. i absolutely understand why people feel a little disappointed or hurt that he hasn’t explicitly posted anything about it. especially when you’re personally affected by an issue, you want the people you look up to or are a fan of to care just as much as you do. and he probably does. but here’s the thing. social media “activism” isn’t actually activism. it’s often highly performative - especially when you don’t feel informed or not educated enough to present your own helpful take. sharing a post on instagram will not save the world. it won’t do anything. charlie isn’t even the biggest account out there who hasn’t said anything. BY FAR. and most of his followers are already aware anyway. his bubble is filled with people who want a better world for poc—amongst other groups who need it. like lgbtq+. it’s so much more important what he does off social media. that’s where the real difference is made.

this demand of him to say something also poses the question, where does it end? if the mentions this issue, doesn’t he also have to address all the other issues? who makes the rules on that? the world is a horrible place right now. there is racism, sexism, ableism, there are homophobes, lgbt people are still being prosecuted in some countries, there are wars, there is human trafficking, india is dying from covid, children are starving, the planet is dying—you get the gist. so if he addresses one of those issues, doesn’t he have to address all of them? don’t we all, then? people are dying after all, right? who decides what issues are required to be shared by a celebrity and which aren’t?

the human mind isn’t made to process trauma on such a large scale every day. and yeah, charlie is also just a dude. there is no difference between him and us - except that he has some more followers on the internet. that doesn’t mean he’s obligated to sacrifice his mental health just to fulfill his performative role in social media activism. isn’t it much better if he focusses on one issue he’s well informed about and doesn’t just post about it because he’s guilt tripped into it?

people aren’t their social media account. what happens offline is what really matters. i wish people were less harsh with each other about this. i get it, i get that it’s hard. it’s so fucking hard. but it’s not charlie’s fault. there is so much better use for all this angry energy. to go out and really make a difference, for example.

that being said, i sadly have to agree that parts of this fandom are turning quite unbearably horrible lately.

[forbiddenship]

just a disclaimer to my fellow portwell shippers, this post has basically just turned into a rant about you know what. it’s just something i needed to get off my chest. not my usual content and a little heavy in negativity so please please please keep scrolling if you don’t want to see that. trust me, there are some days when reading a post like this is the last thing i need.

whew okay. i will say this once, and i’ll say it loud and clear. i don’t wanna hear any more r*nas complaining about what we discuss over here. first of all, the portwell fandom likes to use tumblr to communicate our thoughts and post our analyses because y’all have turned hsmtmts twitter into no man’s land. ever wonder why that app - particularly stan twitter - has such a reputation for being toxic? it’s because things like ship wars get out of control to the point where sometimes people stop wanting to even associate with the fandom. because, as unfortunate as it is, the rina fandom phenomenon isn’t one that occurs in isolation. many fandoms have that one subsection of the fandom that tries their damndest to make the experience unbearable for everyone else. portwell shippers have seen it, we’ve accepted it, and we honestly don’t give a fuck anymore. we just stay in our lanes - be that on instagram, tumblr, tiktok, wherever.

not to mention that portwell shippers are - generally speaking - very polite and respectful in the way that they address the other ship. and notice another thing: when we talk about our theories and give our takes on the storylines, we do just that. we stick to what’s happening on the show. we don’t make posts slandering the ship, and definitely not its shippers.

meanwhile, a quick glance through the ‘portwell’ search on twitter will tell you that rina shippers do not extend the same courtesy to us. not only do you “refuse to keep our names out of your mouths,” as you all love to put it, but you literally take content from another platform and transport it over to twitter so you can start discourse about it. because the portwell shippers aren’t willing to engage with you on twitter. and why is that, again? oh, right. because you shit on anyone who disagrees with the great rina dogma. because you say things like an 18 year old boy deserves to go to jail, or an actor deserves to lose his job for supporting a fictional ship. because you started acting like the moral police just because you couldn’t stand that your ship was losing traction - which is a very generous way to put it. you’re not the moral police, by the way. and even if you wanted to be, putting out statements like “everyone in xyz fandom is nasty and sick in the head” is not a good way to go about that. it says a lot more about you guys as people than it does about us or our ship.

as for the whole “portwells mention rina unprovoked” thing - talking shit about portwell is literally the only thing that has kept the rina fandom alive on twitter. i’m pretty active on twitter, and whenever i type ‘portwell’ or even ‘ej’ and ‘gina’ into the search bar, the same things come up every time. there is a small but very vocal part of the fandom over there that literally does nothing with their accounts but talk about a ship they don’t like. this is a just a tiny, tiny slice of representation of what goes down on twitter.

so don’t come at us for talking about rina within the context of the show’s storylines when you haven’t been able to shut up about portwell since june. god, the hypocrisy is insane.

[comedicreliefonlyworkswhenfunny]

I'm gonna just say this because we've all thought it at some point or another:

People in this fandom will get mad at fucking anything.

It makes sense at a glance because the fandom is very large (especially considering a big chunk of it is inexperienced, seeing as this is one of- if not- their first fandom), so not everyone is going ro be happy with every decision that the creator makes ((not to mention, fandoms these days are getting WAY too fucking comfortable heckling and harassing creators))

When Midoriya cries, he's seen as weak hearted.

When he doesn't cry, he doesn't care.

Like, to hijack this post a bit, the hospital scene where Bakugou woke up from /literally saving Midoriya's life/ he was eccentric to say the least, running off of adrenaline and fear. People with reading comprehension skills recognized that he was worried for Midoriya's safety. People without reading comprehension skills claimed that he was 'just being his typical self' (not stopping to think that maybe 'his typical self' is actually a coping mechanism?? and he uses it to pretend he's okay).

But imagine, if you will, that he hadn't leaped out of bed, fought through his classmates, and tried his damndest to make sure Midoriya was okay. Guess what? Then "he doesn't even care."

No matter what, he loses.

Of course, there are also a myriad of people leaping at Bakugou's throat in hopes of gaining moral superiority (which is veeery hypocritical of them, especially considering they often view themselves as 'better' than the people who like him and often even harass others for liking him... you know... just like the very person they condemn) (that's also another good indicator that a lot of the fans are new, because the 'asshole rival' is literally a trope in so many Shounen anime and often goes as far as trying to actively kill the mc, buuut that's a different discussion).

((The girls are a great example of this, too, but they're also so poorly written- as in they are completely underutilized, so most arguments are valid))

The Class 1-A versus Class 1-B tournament! (Excluding the fandom's disdain towards Bakugou) Is also a good example of this.

If Class A had won by a landslide, it would have been unfair, since Class B doesn't have literally any spotlight and has somehow been exempt from the plot all year.

If Class B had won by a landslide, it would have still been unfair, because they haven't had the real time experience that Class A has had.

Back to characters, though, Miruko! She got injured during her big fight with the ugly ass Doctor bitch. She fought like a goddamned beast, but she got hurt! Her getting injured feeds into every other, "Horikoshi is a misogynist" meta that's being put up.

But, if she had made it out unscathed, then she'd be labeled a 'too perfect' and shitty attempt at writing a strong female character.

The thing is, you can't please everyone- especially not when there are so, so many people who enjoy this peice of media. People are always going to have shit takes or 'eh,,, I mean...' opinions, and there are always going to be debates.

But if assholes out there are getting annoyed/upset about a sixteen year old boy showing his feelings, regardless of the fact that his entire fucking world is crumbling around him, they need to take a step back from their bullshit fucking soapbox and snap the fuck out of it.

Anyway, there's no real point, but it's getting really fucking annoying that the generation if people up their own ass about "be critical of the media you consume" can't even take two fucking seconds to realize the shit they're spewing is so undeniably hypocritical and fucking stupid.

Who wins vs who loses is always up for debate.

How injured a character gets and whether or not they keep fighting is typically heavily exaggerated in Shounen anime (and so many other medias).

Representation is always a difficult, two sided battle. (This is about the girls, but also about Magne and Tora- both a discussion for another time).

But kids? Fucking children? Showing their emotions? Should not be this fucking dragged.

Let characters realize the errors of their ways.

Let characters try and do better.

Let characters be human- in anger, in sorrow, in heavily conflicting emotions that they can't convey (if a character always reacts "the right way," guess what? They're poorly fucking written.)

Let

Characters

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Let characters cry.

Let characters act fucking stupid because guess what??? Humans act fucking stupid all the fucking time.

Teenage boys, especially, have such a stigma around showing their emotions- if they're upset, they're weak; if they're angry, they're scary; if they're happy, they're being weird- let them work out their own goddamned feelings.

Let them regret their actions.

Horikoshi kinda sucks ass at showing long term trauma (and he definitely has too many ideas for the world and not enough time or space to impliment them), but this is one of the few things he's starting to get right!

Also for a generation that won't shut up about 'critical consumption,' there are a shit ton of people who refuse to look any fucking deeper than the surface level of actions and it's absolutely infuriating.

So apparently people are annoyed that Deku is crying?

He’s sleep deprived, hasn’t eaten, and is in a terrible mental state. The fate of the world is weighing on him and everyone he’s ever known and loved is going to die unless he’s able to stop AFO. If he accepts help he risks putting them in direct danger. If he doesn’t and does this alone, he’s going to destroy himself in the process… Not to mention he’s literally a 16-year-old child.

He just wants to save everyone.

[iloveyoumcyt]

Ok, literally what happened? When the HermitCraft fandom was like unbearably toxic, what happened.

Harassment? Nothing new. Racism? We hear and see it every day outside of fandom. I was in the Voltron fandom. Some crazy fan give a creator a cupcake full of glass? I'll have two nickels if so. Some part of the fandom hate a certain person? I'm in DSMP, some people genuinely fucking hate Tommyinnit. Some fallout? Unfortunate, it happens.

What happened?

[autisticandroids]

what do you think of wincest? you seem pretty pro ship

my opinion of wincest is as follows:

- personally, i dislike it. i think it’s gross and don’t want to see it, because incest squicks me out like it does most people. there are actually parts of spn, especially the early seasons, which i find difficult to watch because the incest subtext is so strong. this is one of the reasons i’m not as big a fan of 1-3: just HUGE amounts of incest subtext. like, it’s yucky to me. even 4-5 have it, though not as much since cas and to a lesser extent ruby are there to like, break up the pair, which is a real relief. it calms down significantly in the later seasons, though it still pops up occasionally in an unpleasant way. this is why you cannot base your show on the xfiles and then make your two main characters related.

- theoretically, i don’t think there’s anything wrong with finding a fictional dynamic compelling. hell, the writers of supernatural sure seem to find it compelling! the subtext is unbearable, and imo, there’s a reasonable argument to be made that the winchester brothers’ relationship is textually emotionally incestuous, which is like. yeah add that on the pile of ways that their dynamic is abusive and toxic. 

and more specifically, i find it hysterical when destiel shippers get on their moral high horse about ethics in shipping. like, my friends, destiel is perhaps the glassest house there is when it comes to ethics in shipping. in ANY OTHER FANDOM we would be the problematic pairing that only freaks ship. it’s just that supernatural has so much incest subtext that the non-incest ship gets to be the unproblematic one by default. like destiel is a comparatively healthy fish in an unbelievably toxic pond. in any other pond destiel would be the toxic fish.

- practically, i dislike wincest shippers because they are mostly assholes. i’m sure there’s a few okay ones, but on the whole they tend to suck. this is true for several reasons.

supernatural has a large conservative fandom, including conservative transformative fans. like, specifically, the show is very appealing to homophobes because of like. the way that it is. you know. so wincest appeals specifically to homophobic fans for whom the incest taboo and the gay taboo are of about equal strength - they see being gay as so immoral that you might as well be fucking your sibling. this is i think why wincest shippers tend to be conservative, and it’s DEFINITELY part of the reason why it’s so common to find wincest shippers who also insist that dean is straight. my friend hannah has some things to say on this topic here.

if i was a samgirl i would wake up every single day mad about wincest and go to sleep every single day mad about wincest, because it must be INESCAPABLE in sam content. like, most fandom content is tied to ships in some manner, and the biggest ship for sam is wincest. and that has gotta suck.

related to my last point, in order for a “ship and let ship” mindset to be reasonable, the objectionable content in question must be made easy to avoid. and wincest isn’t, it’s everywhere. it’s easier these days because there are fewer wincest shippers, but back in the day it was just constant. and even now, like. the other day somebody wrote a destiel fic on my destiel post, but it was destiel and implies wincest. on my destiel and only destiel post. like, that’s like putting rape porn on someone else’s post about sex. like, i think it’s important that people be allowed to write rape porn, because if they’re not allowed to write rape porn, they’ll do it anyway (rape fantasy is one of the five most common sexual fantasies among women, iirc) but since they’re not allowed to write it, they’ll 1) not warn for it and 2) come up with justifications as to why it’s not really rape. which are both worse than just acknowledging it and slapping warnings on it. but you shouldn’t basically send people rape porn unprompted, that’s what they call a dick move. like that crosses a line. in the case of the person who put wincest on my post, i messaged her about it and she apologized and explained that she hadn’t participated in fandom in ten years, and had only gotten back in after the destiel confession, which is like. that’s reasonable. social etiquette re:wincest is different now. but there are plenty of wincest shippers who DON’T have that excuse and who make themselves inescapable anyway.

to quote my friend hannah again, “my grand unified theory is that whatever it is that makes wincest shippers act like That is also shared by jaime/cersei shippers. it’s the narcissistic, misanthropic fantasy of a tiny closed world containing only two siblings who don’t need or care about anyone else and have absolutely no boundaries with each other”

there is a real serious difference between liking wincest in 2005 and liking it in 2021. destiel is such a juggernaut, and fandom culture has changed so much in regards to “problematic” content, that anyone who is still a wincest shipper in 2021 is either 1) just a complete stubborn asshole or 2) living in a fandom time capsule, and both of those things are not necessarily inherently bad, but (1) can lead to just having a rather unpleasant personality, and (2) can lead to being surrounded by levels of homophobia, misogyny, and racism that aren’t usually tolerated by modern fandom

anyway. i’m not “pro-ship” because calling yourself a proshipper or an antishipper is an annoying habit for whiny babies and i refuse to participate.

[happyandticklish]

I Want To See You Smile - Part One

Notes: I decided to write something for the Gorillaz fandom, because I have fallen suddenly back into obsession over the band and needed to get it out of my system. I also would like to add that the fic holds some problematic themes concerning abuse, and that I am both aware of these themes and am working through them carefully. That being said, I hope you all enjoy! 

Summary: After a fateful encounter one day, Murdoc finds himself addicted to tickling his bandmate and doesn’t know why. 2D’s adorable reactions certainly aren’t helping. 

Murdoc wasn’t sure what was wrong with him. His face was flushed, his head was spinning, his heart was jackhammering wildly in his chest; all this from a chance encounter in the living room.

Maybe he was dying. He would have preferred that, honestly, to whatever the fuck this was.

He had discovered 2D’s body sprawled out lazily on their beaten up couch, gangly limbs thrown haphazard over its surface. In one of Murdoc’s hands was a bottle of something toxic he had just conjured up in the kitchen and in the other a journal in which he had planned to write either lyrics or obscene drawings in—he hadn’t quite decided which. Still, he couldn’t do either with the blue-haired idiot dozing off and claiming all the available seating space.

“Hey,” he said, slanting his eyes down in annoyance. “Dents. Move it.”

2D mumbled something indistinguishable in his sleep, but otherwise didn’t move. Murdoc frowned. He must really be out of it. Still, Murdoc had a mission and he wasn’t about to give up on it now. He leaned down, gripping his sides for a handhold as he attempted to shove him off. As he did, however, 2D shifted and squirmed under his touch, one hand unconsciously coming down to shove his hand away. Murdoc ignored him, readjusting his grip and tugging at his limp form. This time 2D let out a sleepy giggle, swatting at his hands once more.

“Stop,” he muttered incoherently. “It tickles.”

Murdoc’s eyes widened with realization. Ah. So that’s why he’d been acting so weird. He started to move his hands away, when an idea occurred to him—another way to get him to move. He smirked, keeping his hands on hips and squeezing with more purpose this time.

“C’mon 2D,” he teased in a low whisper. “I need to get on this couch.”

2D was moving more now, soft, breathy laughs echoing from his vocal chords, still not fully awake yet. If he was this ticklish asleep, Murdoc couldn’t imagine what he would be like awake. He squeezed again and again, poking and prodding at this one spot on his hips that had 2D spazzing. Finally, 2D’s eyes fluttered open and his frown of confusion quickly turned into a silly grin at the sensations dancing upon his skin.

“M-Muhuds?” he asked, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion. “W-Whahat are yohou d-dohoing?”

“Getting you to move.”

“C-Cohouldn’t yohou h-hahave juhuhust ahahasked mehehe?”

“Eh. This was more fun.”

2D groaned sleepily, tired giggles slipping out unwarranted. That one spot on his hips, pursued relentlessly, was quickly becoming unbearable and his hands came down again to shove Murdoc off. Unfortunately, his grip wasn’t strong enough and he held onto Murdoc’s wrists uselessly. “Hehehe, ahaha, muhuhuds!”

“Hmm?”

“Ihihit—” 2D broke off, the tickling spiking suddenly and prompting a squeak from the man. “Ihihit tihihickles!”

“Does it now?” Murdoc teased, scratching his nails against the soft divot of skin contained there. “Well that’s quite an unfortunate situation, isn’t it?”

“Ah! Ohohohokay, ohohokay, I’ll mohohove!” 2D agreed eagerly, shoving desperately at his hands.

“Nah, I think it’s a bit too late for that now.” Murdoc hoisted a leg over him on the couch so he was no effectively straddling the other. “I’m having too much fun to stop now, and I think you need to learn your lesson about listening right away.”

 “Buhuhut yohou dihihidn’t ahahask—ahaha, nohohoho, ehehe, stahahap!”

2D fell into quick hysterics as Murdoc began ruthlessly pursuing his hips now, one hand on either side. 2D scrabbled fruitlessly to shove his hands off and when that failed he resorted to frantic squirming and writhing underneath him instead. “Wow, dents,” he muttered with a sarcastic leer. “I didn’t realize you were this sensitive. I’ll have to remember this for the future.”

“Stahaha—ahaha, ehehe, nohoho! Ihihi tihihickles tohohoo muhuhuch!” 2D’s laughter soon became a breathless stream of giggles, interspersed with hiccups here and there as he fought to control his body’s reactions. As Murdoc watched him, a strange flush began to creep its way up his neck and his stomach writhed with unexplained nerves. This was different from all those times he had tormented 2D in the past. This was something new and altogether unnerving, and Murdoc didn’t like it one bit. But even as he was tempted to stop, the sight of 2D begging and laughing under him was too appealing to quit now.

“You know, I distinctly remember Noodle being veeeery ticklish here when she was younger.” Murdoc secured one of his wrists in his hands, dragging it far above his head. “I wonder if it’s the same for you.” 

2D’s eyes widened and his struggling increased, giggling apprehensively as Murdoc’s fingers wiggled towards his defenseless pit.

“No, no, please, wait, no mohoHOHOHohore!”

2D shrieked when his fingers finally made contact, tugging frantically at his trapped arm. The other arm did its best to try to fend Murdoc off, but he would simply switch to a different spot until 2D moved to protect there instead; the second he did, however, Murdoc would simply move back to his underarms and the cycle would repeat once more.

Red-faced, writhing and babbling out incoherent pleas, 2D was quite a sight. Murdoc found himself so caught up in it that he hadn’t realized how intense he had gotten until 2D let out a frantic shriek and finally pulled his arm free. The sound snapped Murdoc out of his haze and he quickly rolled off the other, head spinning.

2D curled up on the couch, residual laughter spilling from his lips as he fought to regain some semblance of coherency. He gripped his torso protectively, skin tingling from the overload of sensation. “Hah… ha… ehehe… w-whahat was that?”

Murdoc had no answer, only that he needed to leave for fear of tickle jumping the poor man again. So instead he merely grunted, snatching up his alcohol and journal and stalking out the doorway, trying with everything in him to get the image of 2D in that helpless, strangely appealing state out of his head. 2D watched him go, confusion and leftover bliss swirling over his features.

Murdoc would have been happy to write that moment off as a one-off mess-up, a momentary lapse in judgement, had it not happened again after that. And again. And again. Every time he saw 2D, which was often when the band was squished together as it was, all he could think about was digging his fingers into his sides if only to hear that adorable yelp again.

His excuses were getting weaker as time went on, as well. “Wait, no, please!” 2D pleaded, noticing the fateful smirk on the other’s face as he backed him up against the wall. He had messed up some lyric or another during rehearsal, which at this point was all the justification Murdoc needed. The others looked on in confusion as 2d quickly fell into hysterics, Murdoc pinning him against the wall with his onslaught of tickling.

“Guhuhuys!” 2d cried, giggling wildly as Murdoc poked fingers rapid-fire into his sides. “Hehehelp m-mehehe!”

“Hey Murdoc, don’t you think we should leave him alone now?” Noodle asked hesitantly. “It wasn’t really his fault—we all mess up lyrics from time to time.”

“Lyrics?” Murdoc snapped, before remembering his original reasoning for the attack. “Yeah, well, this way he’ll learn not to do it again.”

Noodle frowned but otherwise did little to help him. It wasn’t until Russel placed a hand on his shoulder that Murdoc finally backed off. “We should probably get back to practice,” he said firmly, a warning note to his voice. Murdoc scoffed, releasing the other and letting 2D crumple to the ground in a trembling ball of nerves.

“Yeah, whatever,” he muttered, sitting back down and picking up the bass. “Let’s just get this damn song over with already.”

For every grievance imaginable, throughout the course of that strange and confusing month, 2D would find himself reduced to a squirming mess of limbs at the hands of none other than Murdoc Niccals—spent too long in the shower, called him a name, wasn’t fast enough when Murdoc asked him to get out of the way, finished the last of the potato crisps. Small, unpreventable things that ultimately Murdoc only cared about because it provided such ample excuse to wreck the other.

Over the course of that month, Murdoc also spent sufficient time trying to figure out the reason for his growing obsession. Each time he thought about it, however, a hot blush crept up his neck and a world of voices screamed at him inwardly what are you doing? He didn’t know. He didn’t know what it meant, nor why it was only tickling 2D in this way that made him feel like this. He hadn’t ever experienced anything like this in the past. Sure, he had teased and poked a couple of the girls and guys he’d dated in the past, but it was always quick, fleeting touches that ended almost instantly—just something to get a reaction. Now though, it was clearly something different. The sight of 2D shrieking and writhing under him made his body react in a way that was altogether different from how you would with your platonic bandmate whom you despised.

One night he got so fed up thinking about it that he decided to give up on sleep and head out to the kitchen to make himself something to take the edge off.

Who should he find but the man of the hour himself, the blue-haired bean pole, standing at the sink and pouring himself a glass of water.

As soon as he noticed Murdoc’s presence behind him 2D startled, quickly shutting off the faucet and edging away from him. “Oh hey, muds,” he greeted, that nervous, finnicky smile already taking over his features. Murdoc jammed his hands in his pockets so he wouldn’t do anything.

“What are you doing up so late?” he grumbled, shoving past him and reaching for the various bottles of liquor littered over their countertop.

“Just getting a glass of water,” he replied cautiously. Murdoc simply grunted in response. Watching him cautiously, 2D continued to slink towards the doorway. He paused at the exit, however, hand on the doorframe. He curled his fingers in hesitation, before quickly whirling around to face the other once more.

“Aren’t you gonna…” 2D started before breaking off his sentence, clearly embarrassed.

Murdoc turned to face him, tossing back a glass of tequila—definitely not midnight appropriate, especially when he had to be up at the crack of dawn tomorrow for rehearsal. “Aren’t I gonna what?”

“You know…” 2D trailed off, blushing, before awkwardly wiggling his fingers a little as a demonstration.

That same, creeping red returned to his face and Murdoc stiffened. Still, he wasn’t about to let the little upstart get the upper hand, so he said, leaning back on the counter with fake confidence, “Why? Do you want me to?”

“No, but, I mean, not entirely—” 2D stopped himself, clearly thrown for a loop. “I just meant that usually you… you know, do that. Are you… not going to anymore?”

For some reason it hadn’t occurred to Murdoc that 2D would pick up on this recurring habit of his. To have it stated so bluntly was certainly a shock to his system. The two stood in that tiny kitchen, an uncomfortable energy in the air as the silence between them increased. Murdoc tongued the inside of his cheek, debating how to phrase his next sentence.

Before he could, 2D spoke up for him. “I don’t… uh, I don’t mind, that is.” He spoke cautiously, waiting for Murdoc to snap at him or throw something. When he did neither, 2d continued, “I prefer it, over the other stuff. Also it’s… it’s sort of fun, in a way.”

Murdoc slowly sat down his liquor bottle, narrowing his eyes at the other. “Are you saying you like it when I tickle you?”

2D shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “Sort of? I mean, it gets sort of intense sometimes, but even that’s, uh—” He pressed his lips together, evidently deciding that whatever he would have said next would only make the situation worse. “I liked it, yeah. Whenever you’re, you know, tickling me, I sort of get the feeling that you like doing it. Which in a way makes it feel like you enjoy spending time with me and that’s… nice.”

Murdoc stared at him. The confession was so brutally honest in a way that only 2D could ever pull off. For some reason, that made him angry. He took a couple steps forward and 2D instinctively scuttled backwards. “Listen. I don’t tickle you because I ‘like spending time with you’, or whatever it is you’re going on about. I was doing it because—” he broke off, sneering at his own verbal incompetence. The real reason, the reason why he couldn’t get the image of 2D laughing, 2D happy, out of his head for weeks on end, floated at the edges of his consciousness. He chose to ignore it, as he did most things that made him uncomfortable. “I did it because I fucking wanted to, alright? And it has nothing to do with you or any kind of bond you think we’ve built. I do what I like, and your job is to shut the fuck up and leave me be, got it?”

2D matched his intense glare, face darkening. Where before there had been fear in his face, now there was only resignation. “Yeah. Got it.”

He snatched his water off the table, nearly fumbling and dropping it. Luckily, he managed to catch it just in time, though not without some leftover embarrassment. His drink retrieved and his smooth exit ruined, he proceeded to stalk moodily out of the kitchen.

The second he was gone Murdoc exhaled shakily, all the fight going out of his limbs. He leaned back against the counter for support, slowly sinking down to the ground. The cold linoleum felt good against his bare skin, and he chose in that moment to forget about all the crumbs and grime most likely littering the floor.

He rubbed his heels against his temples, replaying the conversation over and over again in his head like some kind of broken record player. Which in a way makes it feel like you enjoy spending time with me… It was stupid. Murdoc had never cared about the other man’s opinion before.

So why did those words make him feel like crying?

[permian-tropos]

so one of the things that kind of drives me up the wall about fandom “discourse” is that there are so many meta level topics that don’t get talked about bc the big debates are about the subject matter of fiction, not… what it means to be fannish.

in fandom, we are all trying to play this collective game where the fiction matters — so that it does something for us. makes us happy, makes us feel things, helps us socialize, inspires us. and the way to make it matter is to invent rules, invent concepts, play out social hierarchy struggles.

but in order to not cause actual harm to people over meaningless bullshit, we need to be able to pause the game. some people find that really easy because “yeah duh it’s just fiction” and then other people seem to find it impossible because it would take away the socially constructed significance of fandom itself.

but as someone who does fit better into the latter category despite thinking people need to chill the fuck out about fiction… I have thought a lot about the weird and intricate details of caring far too much about fiction!

like sometimes I wonder why I have never heard it said that ship wars are born from vicarious romantic jealousy. is it too obvious to say directly or not obvious enough? we say that shippers hate threats and rivals to their ship, but do we ever say — that’s because the flip side to romantic attachment is romantic rejection and jealousy. because if a fictional ship activates the euphoria in your brain associated with romantic love, it can also activate the famously unbearable dysphoria of not getting that love the way you want it.

and is vicarious jealousy actually a bad thing? I don’t think so! it’s just that fandom currently doesn’t seem to aestheticize that experience as much. but step outside of fandom and literally half of all songs you know are about heartbreak, about love that doesn’t work like you wanted it to. people crave art that lets them cope with those feelings. the worldwide and timeless popularity of art about crimes of passion and wanting to die for love is not just indicative of how relatable those feelings are, but the universal need to mitigate and cope.

so if you’re in a fandom and you don’t seem to have an artistic, aestheticized, nonconfrontational way to cope with romantic anxiety… that’s a little strange since it’s widespread elsewhere. and it’s not like fannish people never have relationship troubles. we do… and yet… we sort of pretend we don’t? or we don’t talk about it as honestly with our art. we don’t explore jealousy. these days in fiction relationships are deemed either healthy or unhealthy. and the idea of a relationship making you feel like you want to kill or die has been relegated to it being taboo or disgusting… but that’s not emotionally honest, is it? jealousy isn’t always moral. a relationship that makes you feel so bad it’s like the world is ending isn’t necessarily abusive or toxic. that only counts if it’s your relationship. but if it’s somebody else’s…

so what are healthy ways to vent jealous feelings in ship communities? off the top of my head I can imagine being appeased by a spotify playlist themed around my otp not being together, but my notp is, and the rejected loser is very sad about it. cause that’s not hating on rival shippers, it’s just letting the negative feelings become something appealing and cathartic. and it doesn’t suggest that other people in fandom are doing anything wrong

this is such a weird long ramble of a post but basically my point is that we don’t tend to have these kinds of discussions. and… we should?

[seyaryminamoto]

I'm so hype about the overwatch deathlock rebels, finally my gurl Ashe gets a more clear background story but I sad at the same time because it seems like many hate ashe for unreasonable causes. They hate Ashe just because she gets in the way of a their ship. These are the same people who said they're not in the overwatch fandom because of ships, but throws rock just because McAshe is hinted to crush/smth. Btw I'm a McGenji shipper but I do like McAshe stuffs too and I see its potential as canon

Oh, mad respect to you, McGenji anon, mad respect. I've been so out of things lately because I'm still REELING from that book, I swear I have never known a feeling quite like this one? xD I was afraid the book might end up validating a lot of toxic ideas people had about Ashe, but instead I feel it completely outruled them and showed that, whether people like it or not, she and McCree had a pretty good relationship (whether you wanna see it as romantic or not) back in the day. The minute these two were face to face in Reunion my shipper senses just went BONKERS, and I already thought that Reunion was all they'd ever give us, canon-wise... but nope, they just went all out with this book and now there's so much more context to so many little things in Reunion too *sobs* I am completely overtaken by these cowboy renegades, my head's cowboy brainrot 24/7 since June 1st xD

But yep, people are really unbearable with their mindless Ashe hate. I keep thinking that, if she were a guy, everyone trashing her would jump at the opportunity to ship her with just every possible male character they could find, not only McCree. I don't even know, honestly, just how difficult can it be to ship what you ship without turning any characters into boogeymen because "they get in the way of the ship"? It's a childish, dumbass thing I've seen in fandoms since I was a kid and I can't believe I'm still seeing it happen in this godforsaken year of 2021. Ashe and McCree are absolutely at odds in the latest events in Overwatch's timeline: I love the idea of them slowly regaining their trust in each other while working together to stop Null Sector, Talon or whatever they'll be fighting in OW2. But anyone who DOESN'T ship them? They can easily imagine whatever else they want to imagine for their future and move on just fine. McAshe absolutely can be seen as a past relationship, or even as a past friendship with unresolved feelings, when making content for any other ship with McCree or Ashe, if they even feel the need to acknowledge it altogether. It's not even challenging to do this.

Heck, as someone who has spent ages creating content for a ship that, however much traction it has gained lately, isn't likely to become canon, where one half of the ship has been in a canon, confirmed, actual relationship since the show ended (even if it's still not confirmed as his endgame relationship), this hissy fit by the Ashe haters, mainly from the-ship-that's-better-off-not-named, is beyond ridiculous. I've written stories where a canon relationship ends, giving way to my OTP, WITHOUT trashing the other character in the canon relationship, and without turning her into a monster just to justify my ship's existence. If I can do that without a hitch, I don't see how they can't? It makes no sense to me, honestly.

There's also an apparent uproar because McCree and Ashe are "het" now? There's no canon confirmed sexuality for either of them to this moment, no matter if there were definite sparks flying in Deadlock Rebels, just as there was no confirmed sexuality before the book. A lot of people think of McCree as bi, and that headcanon wasn't killed somehow by the contents of this book, was it? Heck, I'm even thinking of games like Dragon Age, where straight characters have deliberately been written to reject advances from any same-sex MCs, and players have made mods to romance them with same-sex MCs anyway because they don't give a flying fuck about canon sexuality if it's straight. In my experience? That's how fandom always works. Typically, it's when characters are confirmed gay that anyone who shipped them in straight relationships have to back off, since it's highly frowned upon to alter the sexuality of any gay characters. But even if a character has nothing but opposite-sex love interests in canon, the fandom always does whatever it wants. Why the heck is it different here, to the point of spewing that much vitriol at Ashe just because she exists and McCree is/was into her?

Oof, I just say live and let die, man. Frankly, I am living the dream with this book, I've loved every new tidbit of lore it offered, especially those recontextualized hints of Reunion content (hell, even the "plothole" with the Est. 1976 in the Deadlock logo was addressed, it's amazing xD). Apparently, McAshe shippers aren't entitled to "canon status" thanks to the cinematic, or through all the history these two characters share, history that's been expanded through this book... I find that fair and valid, but just so, no other ship is entitled to demand for canon status, not in this franchise, not in anything else, as far as I'm concerned. Blizzard has made a bunch of bad choices in the last years, there's no denying that, but as far as I can tell, caving in to what a certain cluster of fans demand just because their ship is "popular" has NEVER resulted in anything good. If anything, every time I've seen big media give in to whatever their loudest fans want, the quality of their content tends to spiral downwards at ridiculously rapid speed, because that isn't what their creative vision used to be, and it's not an organic choice but a forced one, done just to sell more (and typically, they don't achieve that goal at all). Could list a few examples of that, but I'd be here all day, I suspect x'D

At any rate, thank you for being such a good sport, McGenji Anon :D shippers who respect other ships are the absolute best and I'm really happy to know there's people like you out there in the OW fandom. I'm not crazy active in the OW fandom myself, partly because I can't even play the game, only watch friends play it, and because I have signed my life off to Sokkla, as everyone knows... but I gotta say, the ideas, the THOUGHTS that have come to mind over this unbelievable book... I've already doodled a couple of them and if I had enough time to go all out, I absolutely would xD Now, I just need to see how to buy myself an Ashe keychain and then I'll be set to cry about these two for life. I've been doing plenty of progress on that front as it is... X'D