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marvelyhp · 3 years ago

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Still you

Chapter one: Lion's den

Sypnosis: Y/n decides to help the avengers despite their betrayal two years prior and her life makes a big shift once again.

pairing: Y/n x Bucky Barnes and some Y/n x Sam Wilson

word count: 3,452

warning: slight mention of sex, cursing.

note: I have this idea for a mini-series but I'm not sure if it will be liked so I guess I'll see where it goes. constructive criticism welcomed :)

Side note: if anyone wants to be tagged, you can leave a comment or message me :)

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My knife pierced the air. A hand grabbed my wrist before I could strike the skin with the blade. The attacker threw me aside, spiraling me around. With my hand still in his grip, my left hand shot out to hit him on the temple. A grunt was heard from what I knew to be a man.

A hand collided with my ribs as they released my right hand. The air in my lungs was momentarily thin when there was pressure behind my knees, causing them to buckle. I refused to go down alone. My hand shot out to grab his neck in the dark, a small smile of triumph emerged on my face as I grabbed it. A mess of grunting and shortness of breath mixed with the sound of our bodies landing heavily on the ground. Rolling over while holding him tightly, I managed to get on top of his heavy build. My legs were spread beside his hips, sighing against the floor as my left hand pressed against his chest to prop myself up. I quickly pressed the kitchen knife in my right hand against his throat. I narrowed my eyes, trying to focus on my attacker's face despite the lack of light in the living room.

I was panting when I could place the color on his eyes. Steely blue orbs stared back at me, an emotion I couldn't decipher was shining deep. Sweat ran down his eyebrows and perspiration glistened on his forehead. There I was, staring at the man I'd thought of for two years. I held his gaze, unable to look away and so did he. However, I was the first to break eye contact as my eyes roamed over his face, finally pausing on the lush curve of his lips. They were slightly open, breathing heavily. I hoped to hide how my breath caught, looking away when the images of his mouth doing more than breathing interrupted my mind. I tried to think about everything that had happened to recapture the initial hatred and disdain I felt for the man in front of me two years ago.

I noticed the way his hand was bent in front of our bodies, a clear sign of defeat as he breathed rapidly from the struggle, just like me. I looked into his eyes once more as I thought about the precarious position we were both in. However, I did not move. The trust between him and I had been broken a long time ago, something my body would have to understand. I couldn’t trust him and I would never do so again. Just when I thought we were alone, another voice came from the apartment's voice.

"That's why I told you to go first, Manchurian Candidate. She always had a soft spot for you. See, Romanoff?" Tony Stark's irritating voice invaded my living room. The sound of his voice interrupting the fantasies I was engaging in my head. Annoyance coated my mood knowing who was in the house and the fact that someone else was on the line, listening and probably seeing everything. I so didn't miss this. I flatly ignored any kind of indication that he was standing near me while still staring at Bucky's face. Taking him in for the first time in two years.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, confusion and irritation filling my tone. It was mostly irritation since they broke into my apartment, in the middle of the night during the best sleep I've had in a while. Yes, I was definitely annoyed. I looked at James, who was still pinned under the weight of my body. A weight I was sure he could flip at any time if he wanted. I resisted the urge to snarl.

"We came because we need your help." Of course, they did. Why else would they come? I fought the unpleasant feelings that threatened to resurface and just stared at him. His breathing had slowed down from the strain earlier. So did mine. I noticed that our chests were moving at the same rhythm and part of me asked if it had anything to do with us, with how well our bodies knew each other. If they remembered what I thought had happened. I tried to focus on his responses rather than the way his warmth felt against my core, the skin of my thighs, and my hand pressing against his chest. Instead of the way the curve of his body felt against mine. Instead of his lips and the way they felt on my skin, tracing every inch of me. My right hand pressed against his stomach, the feel of his hard muscles and the heat seeping through my skin made me hyper-aware of our position. I mentally slapped myself before letting a humorless laugh escape my lips. I noticed the way his eyes focused on me.

"Why didn't you knock?" I cussed myself. After all this time they come looking for me, just for help and the first thing I tell them is to knock on the door. It was a ridiculous remark because even if they had, I wouldn't have opened the door. I had to give them credit. They remembered quite well how angry I left the compound. On top of that, they remembered enough about me to know that I didn't trust anyone enough to open any damn doors. Well, if I was giving away credits, some could be given to Stark. It was a smart move to put Bucky in the lead because as much as he hurt me, I could never hurt him. Oh, and how I tried that day. I had two years to think about what occurred, to think about everything. I tried to hate him and I failed miserably. I tried to forget it and it never worked. I could never forget that he had been the only one who had not treated me as a threat or maybe he only thought so. He knew what I had been getting off from. Either way, it didn’t matter. Stark would’ve been stabbed for sure.

"Would you have opened it?" The question came in a mocking tone. I became alert when his right hand took mine, pulling the dagger away from his neck. I forbid myself to feel any kind of sympathy when I saw a thin red cut where my dagger had been, a single drop draping at the end. I was ripped out of my thoughts when my breathing hitched. His left hand brushed the bottom of my thigh, hidden out of Tony's sight. My breath caught in my throat as his hand settled on my smooth skin, his fingertips digging into my thigh.

"No, probably not." My voice came calmer than I thought. Even then, I realized that he was out of breath and I hated myself for it. how conscious I was of him. The skin under his palm was burning, a blazing trail following his every move, every touch. The hotness was beginning to spread the more he gripped my skin. My breathing became more and more erratic once his hand started rubbing the outer part.

"Well, that's enough lovebirds." Tony's voice shifted me back to where I was and the situation surrounding us. So, I did what I should have done a while ago. I sprung up from his body, welcoming the cold rush of air I felt cooling the hotness of my skin. The hand he used to rub me was now rubbing the cut on his neck gently. I turned to flick the light, the brightness stinging my eyes for a second before I turned my head towards Bucky.

In a swift movement, he was standing beside me. The ocean of his eyes looking straight into me. Memories of us invaded my brain before a deep disdain grew in my chest. I ignored every emotion that I didn’t understand —neither cared to— swimming in his eyes. I cursed myself as my body still felt flushed with the way he looked at me. A warm sensation pooling in my lower abdomen. I looked away, a scowl creeping onto my face as I laid eyes on Stark´s form. Everything I felt and desired to forget was whisked away by it, my hate for Stark coming in full bloom.

I couldn't help but distort my face in a frown. He had undervalued and underestimated me so many times before I had no more sympathy for the mortal. I never pondered why I had faith he would ever consider me part of his team, of his family. I clearly tried giving too much compassion to the human race.

“You want my help? You?” my finger pointed towards the red and gold suit standing in the corner of my dining space. A snort flew past my lips as a humorless laugh came deep from within my chest. This definitely had to be an emergency. That, or the man was a masochist and he finally discovered what makes him tick after two years.

“Believe me, failed human, I’m not happy about this. However, I do accept you’re the only one, besides Wanda, able to kill enemies with a wider range.” He looked physically hurt to be saying the last part. He had never been good at admitting things about people he never liked.

I kept my face impassive but the truth of how I felt when I heard those words was different. I was suddenly taken back to the times where this was a daily occurrence. Where I was shunned, verbally abused, and not wanted every day. Not only by Tony but by Hydra and just about everyone. I thought about my so-called family back home. About all those times I- I couldn’t even continue. My resentment and hatred for Stark erupted in me, bringing back years of unsaid words and silent tears in the corners. I tried to calm my rapid breathing and the itching in my hands to stab him.

“You can go to hell, Stark.” I stalked off towards the kitchen, knowing if I stood there any longer this would result in a bloodbath. something to create space between us was needed. I let the knife drop with a clank on the sink. I allowed my body to rest against the counter, my hands gripping the edges. Exhaustion made its way quickly through my body though not as heavily as before these days. The alertness and adrenaline in my body numbing the feeling.

“Unfortunately, that’s where we’ll all go if you don’t help us. We need your powers to save the world, falsie. Your time to shine,” his smile was forced and the trust he wanted me to feel was nonexistent. “Oh, and has anyone hinted you look like shit over here? What have you been doing these past two years? Not a glow-up I presume.” The last words were muttered but he knew I would hear because of my god-like abilities.

I was hurt at every word he said but I was mad at myself for letting him affect me. Both feelings moved lively inside me, both wanting attention right this moment. I couldn’t let him see how hurt I was by his words because I knew that was what he wanted. I wondered how his life with Pepper Potts was. But a part of me thought that was irrelevant since he hadn’t liked me since the moment he saw me. His distaste and distrust had been clear since the beginning. He thought he was better, more morally right. Even then, I had never put cared ones in danger, but he had.

As mad as I was, he was right. The bags under my eyes were dark and prominent and they were sign enough of my lack of sleep. Exhaustion had taken a toll on my body. Getting two or four hours of sleep was becoming more and more difficult to withstand. I was aware of how much weight I had lost since I saw them but paranoia wasn't exactly your friend if you were hiding from killers and triggers for your mind. Having to run every few months and hide was becoming tiring. I was mentally and physically exhausted. The desire to tamper with my memories and make me forget became increasingly stronger as days went by but I knew I couldn't. I needed to remember every deed I had done and I needed to remember how I felt while I did it. I felt obliged to suffer for them.

“Fuck you.”

“So touchy,” he sat in the gray chair of the black dining table beside the door. His fingertips stroke the tip of the snake plant in the center of it. I just stared. Hostility irradiated from my person and expanded across the room. The tension in the air strong as a chokehold. “I have deprecating nicknames for everyone. Don’t feel special.” I wanted to punch that fucking denigrating smile right out of his face. He knew what bothered me the most. He knew my insecurities and I felt an instant disdain flare-up in my body towards James. I wanted to punch them but I opted to be more civilized and not act like exactly what he thought I was.

“I didn’t escape Hydra after 60 years so some asshole with an overinflated sense of self-worth could treat me like the scum of the earth. Sorry, metal can but you’ll have to shove your world-saving mission up your ass.” I snapped. So much for acting civilized.

“The kitty’s got claws. Was wondering when they would say hello.” He puckered his lips, a mocking gesture soon followed by the rise of his eyebrows. He looked towards Bucky, wiggling his brows. A whistle interrupted the sudden silence filling the room. Before I could even register, the desire to climb across the counter and smash his face against it flourished in me like poisoned vines. Before I could complete the action, Bucky’s voice reached my ears.

"Y/n, please. Thousands we’ll die if we don’t fight this war. If you don’t help us, we will die.” Bucky stepped closer to the counter, hands resting against the edge.

“What makes you think I will prevent that?”

“Even if we don’t win it, it will lessen the casualties,” his eyes bored straight into mine. “We need you.”

I need you.

The sincerity in his voice and the pleas of help smudged all over his voice softened the raging anger inside my heart. Unsaid words hanged around us like leaves falling from trees, already softening the walls I had built around my heart. Doubts surfaced.

My wish to leave Tony fend for himself battled with the faces of those who defended me at some point in my stay in the Avenger’s tower and while I was on the run with both Steve and Bucky. Steve and Natasha had been weary of me, as I expected they would but they warmed up to me. We were not exactly brothers and sisters but they tried to help. I had thought of them to be friends or something close before I found everything out. Wanda had tried to understand me and be there. She had not been involved in anything. And Vision, he had always been an ally and never doubted my loyalty. He never knew of the plan either. Banner didn’t talk much and T’challa was a friend. Tony was the person that made my life a living hell and turned everyone against me.

I tried to understand him, at first. I thought he was trying to protect his team, his people. I was a potential threat and I understood that but I never implied or acted as though I wanted to hurt them like he made everyone think. Every time he had a chance, he would mention disloyalty or my so-called shady behavior. Yes, I had problems trusting my own mind after Hydra, but I never wanted to hurt the people my brother trusted and the people who gave me a home. I knew what triggered the memories and the episodes of countless tortures, experiments, and missions made for and by Hydra. I was also aware of who I killed and T’challa helped with the rest. He thought my actions to protect myself -and them indirectly- made me a menace.

After some time, I knew I would never win his favor and change what he thought about me. How he saw me. So, I stopped trying too.

A war raged inside me. I felt conflicted. For one, I didn’t know how everyone would react to seeing me after two years, especially when I didn’t leave on the best terms. Two years in which they knew nothing about me and never tried to. It had stung that none of them tried to find me or followed me after I left devastated that night. But Bucky, Bucky hurt the most. I thought he felt towards me or at least cared for me but I was mistaken. I had left hope brew inside me when I shouldn’t have. We all know hope is a dangerous and deadly thing to feel.

I still got over it or concealed it with everything else to forget. I was used to being treated as means to an end since I was born and survived it all. I was not about to let my world crash and burn for a man and some people I lived with. Even then, I didn’t want to return. But if what Bucky said was true, millions of people would die. The Avengers could die and the world needed them. This was bigger than me and everything that had happened with us.

“I have one condition.” My jaw was set and my tone firm, regret already pulsating through me.

“Absolutely not!” Tony’s reply came fast and clashed with a serious “You name it.” coming from Bucky. I looked between them, trying to decide who I wanted to pay attention to first but decide Tony wasn't worth a damn minute of my time. My eyes settled on Bucky’s blue ones, my voice dead serious.

“I don’t ask for trust because I know I will not give any of you the same but I ask to not be doubted,” My voice took a cutting edge but we all ignored it. “I want to be informed of every detail regarding the situation and the mission, just like everyone else. The moment you all know something I don’t. I’m out.” They both knew how serious I was about this. I promised myself I would never subject myself again to what happened two years prior. The feelings of emptiness and low self-esteem I felt were not something I wanted to deal with. Not from people, I swore would never affect me once again. I could very well torture myself but I was not going to let a team led by a buffoon that thought he had me pegged since he saw me make me think I was nothing.

Bucky knew exactly why I asked for this. He knew how I felt and what led to this as he was just as much in the spotlight as I was. I didn’t trust him, not after everything but I knew he wanted to help and right his wrongs so he would keep his word.

“Now wait a minu-“

“You’re right. If you are going to risk your life for us, you have the right to know.” He lowered his gaze. His words felt heavy with something a feeling I didn’t recognize nor wanted to.

“You can’t be serious about this, Cyborg.”

“She’s right, Stark. I’m sure the team will agree.” He looked at Tony sideways, irritation stretched across his face. Bucky’s voice was definitive. The sharp edge in his voice shut Tony up, who rolled his eyes and cursed under his breath. I ignored him as I muttered a quick ‘one minute’ and walked to my room. After changing into a black t-shirt and some jeans, I slid on my leather jacket and put on some boots. A bag of clothes and essentials was made quickly before I stepped out of the room.

When I emerged, Tony was sulking like a five-year-old boy beside Bucky while the man shook his head repeatedly towards him. A sigh escaped Bucky as he pressed his finger to the bridge of his nose. I repressed my urge to laugh at the scene in front of me. Once they saw me, both their face recovered and their postures composed.

“Let’s go.” I said nonchalantly, grabbing my keys.

And just like that, I was walking into the lion’s den once more.

#bucky x female reader #bucky fic #bucky x y/n #bucky x you #james buchanan barnes #the winter soldier #marvel #bucky barnes x reader #mcu fanfiction #marvel fic #james barnes #marvel fanfiction #bucky x oc #romance fanfiction #angst fanfic

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windcalling · 3 years ago

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nie huaisang playlist | a harrier hawk, a wild flock

on spotify | tweet | ao3

track notes under the cut:

Elle me dit - MIKA Pourquoi tu gâches ta vie ? (×3) Danse, danse, danse Elle me dit danse Pourquoi tu gâches ta vie ? (×3) Danse, danse, danse

Elle me dit Fais comme les autres garçons Vas taper dans un ballon Tu deviendras populaire

Why waste your life away ? (x3) Dance, dance, dance Why waste your life away ? (x3) Dance, dance, dance

She tells me "Act like the others boys Go and play football You'll become popular"

Do Less - San Fermin You’re boring me to death Tell me lies or tell me none Honestly, do less

Teen Idle - MARINA I wanna stay inside all day I want the world to go away I want blood, guts, and chocolate cake I wanna be a real fake

Adulthood - Jukebox the Ghost And I dare you to survive Being grown for the rest of your life From adulthood no one survives

Children’s Work - Dessa Some nights I still can’t sleep The past rolls back, I can see us still

Eleven - yMusic [instrumental]

Dyin’ Day - Anais Mitchell We come to make a sacrifice every day a dying day

In the Backseat - Arcade Fire My family tree’s losing all its leaves

Small Red Boy - AJJ When I learned about the tragedy of all of us, I lost it

Start a War - Klergy If history is dead and gone, then how did we get here, my god

You Are A Runner & I Am My Father’s Son - Wolf Parade One of them will be me as a boy, one of them will be me and one of them will be me watching you run

Garden Song - Phoebe Bridgers She told me my resentment’s getting smaller No, I’m not afraid of hard work -- I got everything i wanted

The King of All Birds - Aoife O’Donovan Get it together and climb on up To the top of the tree I'm an owl now, a lonely owl Who, who, where, what, why, when? How the hell did I get this far without you?

Stonewall, Stone Fence - Gregory & the Hawk the things that you know are making you a stone wall

Crows 1 - Aesop Rock Everything you think you're hiding shows In the way you view the graves like a string of tiny thrones Messages you'd tucked away for keeps have resurfaced to be heard amidst the butchery and beaks

Paint’s Peeling - Rilo Kiley I feel nothing, not brave It’s a hard day for dreaming again

Forget - MARINA Sometimes I think I'm not as strong But there's a force that carries me on Sick of my small heart, made of steel Sick of the wounds that never heal (never heal) 'Cause I have lived my life in debt, I've spent my days in deep regret Yeah, I been living in the red Oh, 'cause I can't forgive and I can't forget

#nie huaisang #playlist #fsts #mdzs #the untamed #mdzs tag #feelings about nie huaisang

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midautumnnightdream · 3 years ago

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Family

For Cosette Appreciation Week

Cosette doesn’t remember much of the day her father died.

She has no idea how long she spent kneeling on the bare floor, her cheek pressed against the rough fabric, her hands clasping a larger one, that only recently had been stroking her head. She vaguely recalls Marius speaking to the portress. The doctor had been called back, though for what purpose, she couldn’t say. When Marius helped her to her feet, she could hardly stand without support.

Upon re-entering No. 6 Rue des Filles-du-Calvaire, she had gone straight to her chambers, leaving Marius to explain matters to his aunt and grandfather. He had followed her soon, in a state of great agitation: Cosette had watched him marching back and forth, filling the air with rambling, disjointed explanations that she barely listened to, and understood even less. The flood of broken self-recriminations surrounded her like an ocean, and she knew that she should care, but her papa was gone, and she felt cold and helpless and so very alone.

At some point, Marius had turned to her, and whatever he had seen in her face had stopped him short. There was something indescribable in his expression, an odd mix of realisation and dismay. He had reached out his hand, as if to touch her, and glanced at the door, as if to flee. In the end he had done neither, instead perching on the edge of the bed, several feet away from her. They sat together in silence for a long time.

Grandfather Gillenormand had been full of effusive sympathy and condolences. He had offered to take care of the funeral arrangements, but Marius had corralled him with great care, and had cited the wishes of the deceased, that a minimal fuss should be made. In the end, the funeral party had consisted only of the four members of the household, joined by Toussaint, whom Marius had invited on Cosette's behalf. It had also been Marius, who encouraged the rest of their party to say their farewells after the church service, leaving the young couple in their privacy at the graveside; and it was Marius, who had penned the odd little verse on the otherwise unmarked gravestone. Cosette had stood silent and numb, all the words she wished she could say threatened to choke her. Only tears flowed.

The morning after the funeral, Marius had finally explained it all; slow and hesitant in a way that carried nothing of his earlier agitation. In brief words he had explained the nature of her papa’s best kept secret, the confession he had made and the facts he had left out. Without sparing a single detail, he had described Jean Valjean's actions in saving his life, and his own actions in driving him away. At times, the familiar tone of self-recrimination would seep into his voice again, but then he would break off mid-sentence, seeming more ashamed of that bitter flood of guilt than the actions themselves. Cosette couldn’t say she wasn’t relieved: she was quite sure she didn’t have it in her to reassure him.

She should be angry, she knew. At Marius, certainly, probably even at papa. Marius certainly seemed to expect it from her, but she didn’t have it in her to conform to his expectations either. Perhaps she was angry, but her heart was heavy with exhaustion and grief, and she desperately didn’t want to be alone. When Marius placed a tentative hand on her wrist, she turned, wrapped her arms around him and wept.

Marius walks on eggshells around her after that day. Where before he would declaim expansively on any and all topics with an air of authority, he now seems to hesitate on every word, his eyes searching hers for approval. He’s attentive to her every mood, fidgeting around her like a great dark guardian, and yet disappearing instantly when she gives the slightest indication of wanting to be alone. She has no idea where he goes when he leaves her. He seems lost. It is both a relief and a concern.

Right at this moment, he’s doing a poor job of pretending to read a newspaper, his gaze flickering over to Cosette in her window seat and to the long forgotten needlework in her lap. Cosette can feel the weight of his eyes on her, distracting her from her reverie.

“What are you thinking about?” he asks eventually, his voice painfully hesitant. Cosette sighs and tears her gaze away from the window.

“My mother,” she answers honestly.

“Oh?” Cautious, encouraging.

“Papa used to talk to me about her when I was little. Then he stopped. I suppose he thought once I was older, I might start asking questions he couldn’t answer.”

“Do you remember her at all?” Marius asks.

Cosette shakes her head. “I don’t remember much of my childhood. I think I remember being held and I know it must have been my mother, who sang to me and rocked me to sleep. After...” She hesitates. “I was fostered, I think, or maybe just left behind. I was terribly unhappy there. Then papa came and took me away.” It was so strange and dark and confusing, that part of her life, filled with bizarre recollections, many of which must have surely been just nightmares of her childish mind. She had never liked thinking about it and papa hadn’t liked talking about it. Now, she supposes she will never know.

“I don’t remember my mother either,” Marius says suddenly. “At least not well. I remember what she looked like, but that might be just her picture on grandfather’s mantelpiece.” He’s lost in thought for several moments, before continuing. “I remember her illness, and being taken to her bedchamber to say goodbye. We were staying with grandfather then; my father was away in the war. Afterwards, grandfather wouldn’t let him see me, and told me he had abandoned me. And then he died. My father died alone, because my grandfather lied to me and kept me away. I hated him for this. I walked out of his house, left him behind and hated him for many years. And now I’ve done the same –” His jaw snaps shut. “But this isn’t about me.”

Cosette would like nothing more than to close the subject, to turn away and let their wounds heal in peace, until such time would come when she is ready to soothe them away. She had done the same with her papa, countless times – and look how that had turned out. Every instinct tells her they are on the cusp of something that may yet define the rest of their life together. She suppresses her fear.

“Marius. What are you saying?”

The look in Marius’ eyes is full of anguish and uncertainty. “This isn’t about me,” he repeats, his voice holding a cadence of a mantra. “Your grief for your father, the relationship the two of you shared, the memories you still hold dear – none of this has anything to do with me at all, does it? My guilt and my fervent regret for how things turned out are superfluous to the issue at hand.” He hesitates, as if trying to explain some great revelation he doesn’t quite have the words for. “Your grief matters more than my experience of it. I’ve been in your place, but now I’m not. What matters is how you feel.”

Cosette doesn’t reply, unsure of what to say. She’s never heard Marius speak like that, isn’t quite sure she understands all that he’s trying to communicate.

He does that sometimes, thinking and brooding about an issue for so long that when he resurfaces, he’s bringing with him conclusions that are so profoundly simple as to be self-evident at the first glance, despite the layers of meaning visible only to him. Yet his usual ruminations tend towards the greater social questions and his own views on them. This? This feels different.

Something of her thoughts must have reflected on her face, for Marius expression grows rueful. “I suppose what I am trying to say is that I've never been very good at listening, at paying attention. I see what I expect to see, hear what I expect to hear and discard the rest. But bemoaning my foibles doesn’t help – the important thing is to do better. I will do better, for you.”

Cosette takes a deep breath. “Do you promise not to lie to me any more?”

“I promise!” Marius answers instantly, then hesitates. “I gave him my word to keep his secret before I even knew what it was.”

“You also promised he could visit,” Cosette replies quietly. “Why keep one promise and not the other?”

Marius has no reply to that.

“I swear I will not lie to you again,” is all he says.

“And you will not keep from me anything that has to do with me?”

“I swear,” Marius says. After a moment he adds. “I know it is a paltry excuse, but hurting you was the last thing that either of us wished to do. We were trying to protect you from suffering, and in doing that, we made the wrong choices. I made the wrong choices, because I failed to keep your feelings in mind, and that is something I can never make up for.”

For a long moment, the young couple sits in silence.

“Perhaps,” Cosette says eventually. “There was no good choice you could have made, because the choice wasn’t yours to make in the first place.”

“I’m your husband,” Marius says, grieved. “If I cannot do right by you, what’s the use of me?”

“Marius,” says Cosette. “Do we not, in this house, live in a republic?”

Marius huffs out a laugh. “I believe Monsieur Louis-Philippe would have something to say about that.”

“Do we not agree that it is no good, one person making all the decisions?” Cosette continues, unperturbed. “Your grandfather has made some terrible choices, both for you and for your aunt. My papa chose badly, in leaving me. I do not wish for any children of ours to live like we did, alone in their grief and helpless in their ignorance.”

“Never,” Marius assures vehemently. Cosette doesn’t meet his gaze, but she can see his expression growing horrified. “You do not believe me.”

“Marius,” Cosette answers, equal parts fond and exasperated, and perhaps just a bit resentful. “I think I need you to know, that before anything else, you are my family. The only family I have left. Do you know what that means to me, an orphan several times over, registered in my marriage documents under the surname given to me through kindness of strangers? I love you.”

“You say that you love me and I believe you,” Marius replies quietly. “But you won’t say that you trust me.”

“Marius,” Cosette says. “Do you trust me?”

“Always,” Marius replies instantly, the grows quiet under the weight of the promise.

Cosette takes his hand in hers. “Then, as long as you keep trusting me, I endeavour to trust you. How does that sound?”

Marius remains quiet and pensive for a long minute. Then, for the first time in weeks, he smiles.

“That, I believe, is what my friend Bahorel would have called a treaty.”

#Les Miserables #Les Mis #Les Mis fanfiction #Cosette Week #Cosette #Marius Pontmercy #Jean Valjean #(is not really there)#character death #post canon #The One In Which Marius Considers Someone Else's Perspective For The First Time Ever #(he's terribly unnerved by the experience)#Cosette deals

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pastpatientlywaitingforimagines · 4 years ago

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Constellation | Spencer Reid x Reader Platonic

WC: 2547

A/N: A cheeky little Galaxy post :)

WARNINGS: SPOILERS FOR 13x01, hospitals, general CM stuff, descriptions of panic attacks and PTSD (fictional so possibly not accurate and DEFINITELY not how everyone might experience it)

This is part of my GALAXY universe! If you liked this relationship, check out the MASTERLIST for more content!

You had only just been allowed to resume field work after an extended medical leave when Cat Adams resurfaced, leading Emily to sideline you once again.

“I’m not having this fight with you, (y/n).”

“I’m cleared for field work.”

“I know, but you’ve been cleared for less than a week and I don’t want your first case back to be this one.”

“Why, because it’s Cat Adams? I’m not afraid of her.”

“Because you’re not afraid of her, that’s why.”

“Emily-“

“I told you, I’m not having this fight. You’re going to stay here and work the case with us. JJ will go with Reid.”

As much as you resented Emily for not letting you go to the prison with Spencer, you were glad she was at least sending JJ. At least he wouldn’t be alone. It was enough to keep your head on straight, and Emily even let you go with the team to collect Diana. It made you feel more useful, especially when Spencer’s mom recognized you among the team.

When you got back to the BAU, you planned to make sure Spencer and his mom had everything they needed to resume normal life. Instead, you were greeted by Morgan, who had a lead on Scratch.

You expected Emily to tell you to stay, Scratch was just as big of a threat as Cat Adams, but she handed you a kevlar vest and didn’t say anything about it when you joined the team in the SUV’s.

It was thrilling, being back in the field. You understood why you hadn’t been allowed to be there in so long, your mind kept flickering to Spencer and his wellbeing. For the past three months, the thought was loaded and often lead to panic attacks. Now that he was released, you had to keep reminding yourself that he was safe before your worries got that far.

The speed of the drive was enough to fuel your adrenaline, but it was amped up quickly when the spikes took out your small caravan.

The truck came out of nowhere, smashing into your vehicle and immediately disorienting you more than you already were. When you finally came to, the first thing you noticed was the pain in your left arm. There was a woman next to you, she didn’t look physically injured but her behavior told you otherwise. She clearly had something internal going on.

You tried to exit the vehicle, but the side was smashed into your leg. While you didn’t think your leg was broken, you surely wouldn't be able to get it out on your own. Your hands found your gun instead, and on autopilot you double checked that it was loaded. You couldn't figure out where the rest of your gear was, or your platoon. You started whispering their names, trying to locate them.

“Smith… sound off. Marcos… sound off… Taylor… sound off. Taylor… sound off.”

“(y/n)?” a strangely familiar voice called. You tried to melt into the seat as much as you could, keeping your gun drawn towards the door on the other side of the woman. It opened, revealing a man you felt like you knew in another life.

“(y/n), it’s Matt Simmons. Are you hurt?”

“I don’t know who you are,” you kept your gun trained on his forehead. He paused for a moment, noticing the state that the woman next to you was in.

“Ok, ok. I’m going to take Tara, you stay where you are and I’ll help you next.”

“Where’s my platoon?” you asked. The flicker of realization that briefly crossed his face confused you, but instead of acting on it he took the woman he called Tara out of the SUV and started calling for someone named Luke.

“Sergeant (y/l/n), I’m Luke Alvez with the 75th Rangers. I’m going to help you get out, ok?” A new voice, also familiar, said to you calmly, “can you put the gun down?”

“Where's my platoon, Alvez?” you asked again.

“You were in an accident,” he slid onto the seat next to you when you lowered your weapon, though you kept your finger on the trigger.

“They ambushed us,” you whispered quietly when he got to working on freeing your leg.

“I know. Do you know where you are?”

“Afghanistan,” you answered incredulously, “where are the helicopters? How are you going to extract us without helicopters?” You were starting to panic more than you already had been, breathing increasing rapidly. You held your arm at a funny angle, trying to keep it where it would hurt the least. Your best guess was at least one broken bone in your arm and also a broken collarbone on that side.

“Hey, hey, it’s ok. You’re having a flashback. I can’t get your leg out from here. The first responders are going to have to help, but I can’t have you shooting them.”

“No,” you pushed back on him with your good arm, “If I can’t move you need to find Taylor first.”

“Who is Taylor?”

“You’re no help to me,” your hand flew to your left wrist, fiddling with the bracelet you wore.

“Ok, I’ll be right back,” he stepped out of the SUV and back to Simmons. Despite the clamor of first responders around you, you could still hear what the two men were saying.

“They’re deep in a flashback. We can’t get power tools in here until they’ve calmed down or they will start fighting and hurt a lot of people including themselves,” Luke said.

“So how do we do that?”

“They keep asking about their platoon, about someone named Taylor. I know (y/n) got into a humvee accident while they were overseas, I think they’re reliving it. I don’t know all the details though.”

“Who does? Does (y/n) have a therapist we can call?”

“Yeah, but it’s three in the morning,” Luke fell silent for a minute before speaking again, “I’ll call Reid. He might know something.

You had an inkling that those words were supposed to mean something to you, and it only frustrated you more when they didn’t. Alvez announced that he was rejoining you in the SUV, then pulled out his cell phone, a move that confused you because phones like that didn’t work in the desert.

It confused you even more when the call seemingly connected, Alvez giving the person on the other line information about being ambushed by Scratch, Steven being dead, and Emily missing. Though familiar, none of those names made sense to you, or your situation.

“No,” you hissed, “Taylor. I can’t find Taylor.”

“(y/n) is ok. Their arm is broken, and they're deep in a flashback. They keep asking about someone named Taylor. They never talked about a Taylor in group, what can I do to help them?” Alvez listened for a minute, then handed you the phone, “it’s for you.”

“Where did you take Taylor,” you asked harshly as soon as you had the phone in your hand.

“Listen to me, (y/n). It’s Spencer. Your mind is playing tricks on you, you’re not in Afghanistan anymore. Look around,” you finally took a minute to observe your surroundings. There were too many trees for you to be in the desert, he was right. Of all the things that weren’t making sense to you right now, he was the most familiar. He had the answers you were looking for.

“Where am I? What is happening to me?"

“You’re with the FBI in Virginia. You can trust Luke, he’s going to make sure they take you to the hospital and I’ll meet you there.”

“Is Taylor ok?”

“Yes. I’ll tell you where Taylor is when I see you at the hospital, ok? I know you’re scared and hurt, (y/n), but listen to me. It’s only rain. Can you picture the rain for me?”

A single memory jumped to the forefront of your mind, standing in the rain with a curly-headed man you were certain was Spencer. You could feel the way the droplets hit your skin, you could feel the comfort you had with the man you knew was your best friend. You could feel your lungs opening up and your breathing get easier.

“Spencer,” you exhaled, finally finding footing in your brain, “it’s only rain.”

“Keep breathing, Luke is going to get you out and I’ll meet you at the hospital, ok?”

“Yeah,” you fought to keep your breathing steady, “I’ll meet you at the hospital.”

You hung up and handed the phone back to Luke, counting your breaths.

“Give me another minute, Luke,” you could still feel your heart racing, though your mind was fighting to come back to reality. Once you felt like you had a better grip on it, you gave Luke the go-ahead and braced yourself while the crushed door of the SUV was cut off of the vehicle. It took every grounding technique you had to keep your head in the right place, and more than once you felt yourself start to panic about where Taylor was.

Luke rode in the ambulance with you, reassuring you multiple times that it was ok when you apologized for pointing a gun at him and Matt. You could feel your body crashing from the loss of adrenaline, the usual post-episode exhaustion coupled with the almost excruciating pain coming from your left side.

When Spencer arrived at the hospital, your brain was still cloudy from the exhaustion and various pain meds you had been given when the orthopedist had set your arm.

“How are you feeling?” he took a quick glance at your medical chart before actually making eye contact.

“Just tired, and still not… still not all the way here. Taylor… I still can’t figure out what happened to Taylor…”

Spencer sat down on the edge of the hospital bed, eyes soft, “Taylor was killed in the accident ten years ago. Your humvee was ambushed, do you remember?”

“Yeah,” you breathed, “I remember. Ten years ago when I was in the military. Now I’m a Supervisory Special Agent for the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI. We were chasing a lead when we were ambushed by Mr. Scratch, Peter Lewis,” Spencer nodded, “is the rest of the team ok? I haven’t seen them.”

“I haven’t seen anyone yet either,” he hesitated, and your knowledge of the man clued you in to the fact that he was calculating the probability of declining your condition if he told you everything he knew. The odds were in your favor, because after a moment he spoke again, “but Steven is dead and Emily is missing.”

“Emily’s missing?”

“I don’t know much about it, I have to talk to everyone else.”

“Then go talk to them, I promise I won’t go anywhere until you come back,” you reassured him. He made his rounds to JJ and Rossi in their rooms, then returned to yours with Luke on his heels. The other man stopped at the doorway when Spencer re-entered your room.

“I have to go take care of something for Rossi. You’re going to be ok here,” he said quickly before you could protest.

“I’m coming with you,” you started to get up. Spencer caught you gingerly when you practically fell into his grasp, still fatigued from your earlier episode.

“You can’t, not like this,” he whispered, lowering you back down onto the bed, “stay here a little longer. Will is in the next room with JJ, he said he’d take you home when they discharge you.”

“I don’t want to go home, Spence. I want to help find Emily.”

“I know, you can’t go into the field like this though. Tell me you’ll be good for the doctors so I can leave here without worrying more about you.”

You couldn't say no to this man you cared so much about, not when he was looking at you with the biggest puppy dog eyes you had ever seen from him.

"I'll try my best," you sighed, leaning back onto the pillow.

"Thank you," he gave your good hand a squeeze before heading back towards the door where Luke was waiting.

"Luke," you called before they could leave. He stopped in his tracks, inquisitively making eye contact with you to show you he was listening, "don't let him get lost in that big brain of his, ok?"

"I won't. Rest up, we need you back at full strength as soon as possible."

"Thank you," you whispered after him as he followed Spencer out of the hospital. You tried to get some sleep, but it didn't come easy as your brain tried to make sense of the events that had transpired the past few days. First Spencer's mom was taken, Spencer was released from prison, then Cat Adams showed up claiming to be pregnant with his baby, and now Scratch had literally ran a truck into your team- your family. It was a lot for one person to process, especially since your brain had taken an unwanted break from reality earlier in the evening.

You managed to doze off for a little bit, flitting in and out of sleep until exhaustion finally took over and pulled you deeper into its throws.

You were woken by a nurse who cheerfully informed you that you could go home. Will came to collect you and held your bag of belongings for you when he walked you out to his car.

He answered all of your questions to the best of his ability and even offered to bring you back to his home when you expressed how much you didn’t want to go back to your apartment.

Henry and Michael were enough to distract you from your reeling worries and keep you grounded while you waited to hear from the rest of the team. You let the boys draw on your cast, leaving the hard plaster full of colorful artwork.

As you were eating breakfast that Will had made, your phone finally rang.

“Emily is safe, Scratch is dead,” Spencer said when you answered.

“Thank goodness,” you sighed.

“Are you at home?” He asked next.

“No, I’m at JJ and Will’s. I wasn’t ready to be alone just yet,” you told him honestly.

“How’s your head?”

“Clearer now that I’ve gotten some sleep and some food. How’s yours?”

“Still getting back up to speed. Why don’t I pick you up and we can have a quiet day with my mom? We could all use the rest.”

“Sure, Spence. I’d love to spend some time with your mom.”

When Spencer came to pick you up, you noticed a soft smile playing on his lips when he saw the way you were curled up on the couch watching tv with the boys tucked into your side.

You let them greet him first, they hadn’t seen him since before he had gone to prison. Once they released him he finally wrapped his arms around you tightly.

Your relationship had never been very physical. In fact, you could count the number of times you had hugged Spencer Reid on one hand. Standing in Will and JJ’s entryway, though, embracing him for the first time since he had been arrested, you didn’t want to let go.

Galaxy Taglist: @kermitsaysgayrights @niallthedancingharry @shadyladyperfection @thatsonezesty13 @lexshead @ceeellewrites @howdycharlie @girlycakepops @fantastic-fans @canimarrypizzaornah @daisyflower138 @dyingrexx @taylormobley @bazzleslynn @tj-drinks-tea @willa-wonky @eddiesbifocals @tee-mbrown @reniescarlett @bone-hurty-bitch

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #Criminal Minds #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #platonic imagine #platonic soulmates

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tamagochiie · 4 years ago

Text

late night escapades with hq boys + a song that goes along with it

genre: fluff! oneshots! character roster: bokuto koutaro, atsumu miya, sugawara koushi, kuroo tetsuro, oikawa toru a/n: i haven't been able to write in a while, and i'm really happy with these one shots. i kinda started this because i miss my friends and all the dumb things we used to do pre-quarantine. anyway, i hope you enjoy! oh, and happy kuroo day! 😌✨

— bokuto koutaro [the way you remember me by st. lucia]

Without a doubt he's always been your number one go-to for a pick-me-up.

So, when you call him in the middle of night, without needing to finish your thought, he'll tell you he's on his way and hangs up the phone; and he'd be there in less than an hour.

You've got a lot of pent up emotions waiting to burst, so where does Bokuto take you? He'll drive you through the tunnels.

Bokuto glances over to you, one hand on the wheel and the other on the stick shift; his back relaxing against the cool leather of his seat. He coyly smirks at you as your weary eyes meets his; mischief twinkling in his golden irises. You hear a whirling above your head, and you look up to see the sunroof sliding open.

You raise a brow, tilting your head. "Koutaro, what are you—"

"In about 2 minutes we'll be in the tunnels," He cuts you off, his attention flickering from the road ahead to you ever so often, "and when we get there, you're gonna poke yourself through that sunroof, and you're gonna let everything out."

"I—I don't understand—"

He sighs,"Look dude, you've taken a lot of L's this month, and I love that you call me whenever you're about to bust, but I just don't think it's enough for you anymore. So, I'm just tellin' you to scream it all out."

You pout, still looking at him quizzically.Though odd in nature, Bokuto usually means well...most of the time he means well.

You shrug your shoulders and give to it, unbuckling your seat belt as you draw nearer to the tunnels. You rise from your seat and try to balance your weight on the cushion as you poke your head out the sunroof.

"You ready?!" Bokuto yells to you, tugging on the cuff of your sweats. "Yeah!" You reply as you start to pull yourself up.

The cool wind meets your cheeks and sends a euphoric feeling down your spine. There's a persistent white noise ringing in your ear as your heart begins to float away form your chest. Even if you don't scream, you already feel lighter than you had earlier.

Bokuto rolls down his window, sticking his head out like a dog as he continues to drive. "Raise your arms!" He shouts, the sound of his voice pulling you out of your daze.

You do as he says, but you close your eyes to let the feeling wash over you. You scream, you shout, and you even sing a little as the excitement thrums in your chest.

Bokuto closes his eyes for just a moment, shouting along with you as he smiles to himself; the wind rushing against his face.

Your voices echo, intertwining with each other's as you continue with your "woo-ing" and "cooing". You ride your high to its fullest, screaming to the top of your lungs as the weight that's made a home on your shoulders disappears.

Even when you're free from the bright lights of the tunnels and engulfed by the darkness of the night, you don't come down from your high. With your arms still raised and the wind in your face, you let yourself get lost in the moment, hoping to stretch it a little longer.

--atsumu miya [as we ran by the national parks]

Signing up to be Atsumu's friend was basically signing up for nothing but life long surprises.

He's unpredictable, coming and going into your life through a revolving door full of stories. He'll disappear for a little while, and when he feels like it, he'll resurface.

He's kind of like confetti; he'll go out with a bang, but he'll make sure to leave glimmering traces of himself behind for you to remember him by until he comes back;

And when he does, he'll immediately coming running to you like a boat towards a lighthouse.

He won't tell you he's on his way to pick you up, he'll already be there and call you out of your house to drag you somewhere while you're half asleep, still processing what's going on.

But no matter how much of an inconvenience it is for you, you can't help but give in anyway.

The winter air is thick; your knees begin to shake and your breaths grow ragged. You groan in pain, images of you shoving your foot up Atsumu's ass flash across your mind. If it wasn't for your lack of athletic abilities, you would've thrown your shoe at the back of his head by now.

"We're almost there!" He calls out to you, twisting his head to find you hunched over, finding support in your knees as you catch whatever oxygen that's still in you. "C'mon, don't give up on me now." His tone is playful, not a single sign of struggling from the twenty minute jog uphill you've just made.

The fallen leaves crunch beneath his feet as he walks back to you.

"You know, 'Tsumu," You gasp, trying set your pulse back to its resting rate, "I'm so close to killing you...I really am."

He takes your words lightly, disregarding the resentment laced in your words as he laughs heartily. "Ya don't mean that! Ya'd miss me too much, I know that for a fact."

There's a ringing in your ears that cuts Atsumu off mid-sentence; it dangerously nears to a C sharp. Your vision blurry ever so often as you train your eyes down to your bunny slippers.

The asshat didn't even let you change out of your shoes, let alone your clothes. He just showed up unannounced (as per usual), and dragged you out of the house because he had "something cool to show you".

"I—I don't think I can keep running." You huff.

"S'okay," He replies, "we can walk the rest of the way since we're close anyway...Here, gimme yer hand; I'll pull ya the rest of the way."

You raise your head; though he's sweating profusely, there isn't a single trace to tell you he's had a hard time as much as you have, or at least a little.

You narrow your eyes, glaring at him for his lax disposition. He's smiling down at you, eyes glimmering beneath the florescent light post as he waits for you to take your hand in his. You want to swat it away, but against your better judgement and sheer desperation, you take it anyway.

"Atta girl!" Atsumu cheers, still holding that damn smile.

You grumble the whole way through, whining about your feet aching and how dizzy you feel. Though it should've annoyed him or at least got a small rise out of him, but he only draws circles over your hand with his thumb, humming in response every now and then to let you know he's still listening.

Luckily for you, it only takes you both five minutes to reach...the very deserted destination.

"Oh my God, 'Tsumu," You groaned, throwing your head back as you try to pull yourself out of Atsumu's hold, but he only tightens his grip, "you pulled me out of bed for dirt?"

"I—What? No!" He rolls his eyes and pulls you close so you're standing next to him. "Why ya gotta be like that? I dragged yer ass outta bed for this!"

Your gaze follows to where he points, and the moment you see the view of the city before you, your eyes widen and your breath hitches in your throat.

The city lights twinkling, outshining the stars. You can hear the echoes of life from where you both stand, and all you can manage to say is, "Wow."

In all of your five years living in here, you never thought a sight like this was only a twenty-five minute walk away.

"Told ya it was worth it..." Atsumu slings he's arm around your neck and pecks a kiss on the crown of your head. "Ain't it cool havin' a friend like me?"

You shift beneath his arm, finding a more comfortable position in his hold as you pat his chest. "Yeah, you're alright..."

He squints at you, furrowing his brows at your poor choice of words and lack of excitment. You laugh at him, his crinkled nose and the deep frown lines on his forehead make him look like a child.

"Whatever," He sighs, pulling you close. "I know ya love me, ya don't even gotta say it."

"Shut up, 'Tsumu." You tease, burying your head into the dip of his neck. "All your talking's ruining the view."

—sugawara koushi [like real people do by hozier]

Just like Bokuto, Sugawara's your number one go-to except instead of having you screech into a tunnel, he'll be your soundboard.

Though he doesn't have a specific place he'll bring you to, Sugawara will definitely drive you around for hours and hours on end—anything that'll help calm your nerves or help you fall asleep.

He'll listen to your laughs, your cries, and even the quiet hum of your snores. He wants to be there for you in every moment you need him, hoping that one day you'll see him in a different kind of light.

But on the one night it rains, he thinks of something better for you to do to relieve your stress.

"You can't be serious..." A nervous laugh escapes you when Suga parks the car on the side of the empty highway, unbuckling his seatbelt before switching off the engine. "Ko-Koushi you can't be serious?"

"Live a little," Your name falls off the tip of his tongue so effortlessly, it completely escapes you that he's already getting out the car; and within seconds, he's completely drenched by the rain. He calls to you, motioning you to join him.

"You're crazy!" You shout through the glass, shaking you head as you laugh at him. "We'll get hit by a car!"

"No one's out here but us!" He argues. Suga begins to jump and down, dancing beneath the rain regardless of the lack of music playing in the background.

This is so stupid, you think to yourself, slumping into your seat. You sit there and watch as your best friend continues to dance in rain, smiling to himself as he spreads his arms open as if he's waiting for the sky to hug him back.

When he notices you still glued to your seat, he marches over to you with a devious grin painting across his lips. You rush to try and lock your door, but you're left betrayed by his car when he swings it open.

"Get out of the car," He sing-songs. "Get out of the car while I'm still asking nicely."

You widen your eyes, lips falling into an 'o'.

You think its best not to get out, fearing you might get hit by a car or something worse like catching a cold. But when Suga looks at you with a warm, comforting smile, holding his hand out to you, how could you possibly resist?

Kicking off your shoes, you slip your hand in his and step out of the car.

Slamming the door behind you, he slips one arm around your waist before bending down to swing the other beneath your knees, carrying you back to where he stood.

He spins you around, and you snake your arms around his neck tightly as you scream. Even in his recklessness he's careful with you, making sure his grip is tight on you. But when he feels you slipping from his hold, he carefully sets you down.

Your arms still around his neck. Suga cranes his neck just a little to meet your eyes; his smile charms you and you can't help but smile as well.

"Are you having fun?!" He shouts over the rai to make sure you can hear him. You nod your head as you wipe away the hair sticking to his face. "Yes I am!"

"Do you still feel like crying?!" He asks, still shouting.

"Not at all!" You reply. "I'm too busy worrying over the fact we might get run over! This is still crazy, Koushi!"

"Well, then you're just as crazy for joining me!"

"It's not like I had a choice, you jerk!"

Suga dismisses your last words as he flutters his eyes shut, pressing his forehead against yours . You stiffen at the sudden closeness, but oddly enough you don't mind it. You try not to choke on your own breaths, swallowing down a cough to keep you in this intimate moment you didn't know you were longing for.

Through your glossy vision, you take notice of his eyelashes. Was it always this long? Was he always this pretty?

You study his face; his clear skin, thick browns, cute little dimples in the corners of his mouth. He's so beautiful, you think. Was he always this beautiful?

You shut your eyes when you notice him blinking away the raindrops from his lashes.

"I like you," The rain is loud and thunderous, yet you can hear Suga's faint confession between the howling of the wind and the rhythm of the rainfall. Its as if for a moment, the rain died down just enough so you could hear his words as well as his nervous heart.

You bite your lips, keeping your eyes shut as you smile at his words; and he can see it. He can see your eyes moving beneath your eyelids; he cans see your lips quivering to smile, and he can feel you shaking between his arms.

It could be because you're cold, or it could be the because since the start of the year, you've had it rough and this was the first time in a long while you had something to be genuinely happy about without having to doubt it or worry that just like the storm, it'll eventually pass.

The moment you open your eyes, Suga's looking right at you, peering into your gaze as he waits for your response.

"How cheesy of you," You tease, "confessing to me in the rain."

"I thought you'd like it."

"Well, I like you, so I guess that's enough, isn't it?"

—tetsuro kuroo [real estate by adam melchor]

A bit random, but I'm a firm believer that Kuroo definitely likes to buy food from anywhere and park the car in an empty parking lot in the middle of the night to talk about whatever with you.

He'll call this adventurous, but you'll call it lazy.

It became a thing when you were both in high school; he'd come over in the middle of the night after you called and told him you weren't feeling your best.

he'd get you out of the house, not minding the time because he is a firm believer in physically getting out of the negative energy.

he'd bring you to convenience store because it was the only place open in your village, and share a meal with you that he bought as you both sit on the edge of the sidewalk and talked.

"How's my girl doing now?" The car circles around the parking lot once more before it comes to a slow stop. Kuroo rests his arm behind the headrest of your chair, looking at you intently as you wipe away a stray tear. "Still not-so great, huh?"

You shake your head as it hangs low. You don't want to meet his eyes, too embarrassed of yourself, but you must've forgotten that he's seen worse.

One of the many plastic bags Kuroo's got settled on his lap rustles as he digs a hand through the many snacks he bought at the convenience store. He pulls out an onigiri from the bag and sets it in one of the cupholders that's sitting just below the heater.

Turning the air up he says, "Food's just cookin', it'll be ready when you are." You can only mutter a soft 'thank you' in between your sniffling.

He sits in the silence with you, nudging your arm and patting your head ever so often, waiting till you ride out your crying to the fullest. He'll even wipe away the river of tears pooling at the tip of your chin.

You didn't feel like crying when you had first called Kuroo; you just wanted to use him as a soundboard to let all your pent up stress you've been trying to anchor through the week. But the moment you found yourself in his presence, you couldn't help but break. Its as if Kuroo was the comfort you were looking for in the pillow fort you made at home, or the warmth you were missing when you made yourself into a burrito blanket.

"I'm just tired," Your voice croaks as you whine to him. You lift your head to lean it against the headrest, flickering your eyes to Kuroo who looks at you intently, leaning in closely as if nothing else mattered but you."I'm so tired, and I don't know what to do...I-I feel so pathetic! Like, everything that I do doesn't measure up to how I want things to be—like—does that even make sense?"

"Plenty of sense," He hums. A soft smirk plays across his lips and you can already feel yourself healing.

You wipe away the stray tears. "You probably think I'm silly...I've cried over so many things so many times, you'd think I'd go dry by now, huh?"

He shakes his head, reaching out to you to cup your cheek. He softly grazes his thumb against your skin, and you can help but sink into his touch. "I think you're just perfect."

A laugh escapes you, but you don't tear your eyes away from him. "Thanks, Kuroo...You're always listening to me go on and on—you're a great friend."

His gaze lingers a little longer than usual, and you swallow the panic hitched in your throat when you notice him inching towards you. You close your eyes as the space between you lessens; you feel him hovering over you lips, his breath fanning against your skin.

"I also think I might be in love with you..." He whispers, his eyes flicking from your lips to your eyelids.

Your breath stays hitched in your throat and it takes all the energy you have left to quietly say, "Well, kiss me so you can find out."

—oikawa tooru [tell me by jonny jewel ft. saorise ronan]

oikawa's extraordinary efforts to make his life reflect in the same manner was one of many reasons you fell in love with him.

he was a bit dramatic in nature, so just like atsumu, he'd show up at your doorstep without a single warning to whisk you away at the dead of night.

in every visit, he'd always take you somewhere new. This always left you looking forward to the next time he'd come knocking on your door.

You giggle as he peppers kisses over your hand, intertwining your fingers together so effortlessly like the many times he's done before. With his eyes etched onto the softly lit road ahead, the florescent lights twinkle past you as Oikawa continues to drive.

You coil your hold around his toned arm, pulling the bed sheet you clung with you when he whisked you away. His lips curve into a soft smile just as he's about to kiss the top of your head.

"How much longer you?" You asked, your voice taut as its strained, fresh from slumber. He hums in response, cooing your name as he tells you its not much longer till you're there.

You wonder where he'll bring you next. At the top of a hill overlooking the city? A weird shop that had an underground bar? Though you aren't really dressed for the occasion, so maybe not.

You didn't mean to drift away so easily, but the sudden yet smooth halt jolts you back to your senses. Oikawa cups your face and draws circles over your skin, waiting for you to completely wake up.

When your eyes flutter open, a rather large neon sign greets you, reflecting onto the windshield, "The Neon Graveyard".

You squint your eyes before craning your neck back to look at Oikawa. "Toru, where are we?"

He does nothing but smile, leaving your question unanswered as he gently steps on the gas and begins to drive forward. He cranks the volume of the radio a little higher, setting the mood.

The place is canvased in old bright signs in different shapes and sizes, twinkling fairy lights, and everything other glowing thing you can possibly think of. Signs from buildings long forgotten and a string of lights that no longer gleamed for anyone.

The car once again comes to a halt and you feel Oikawa peeling away from you, making you frown. He only smiles, cupping your face to leave a kiss on your forehead before to tell you to get out of the car. You're reluctant, but you do so anyway.

Wrapped like a California Maki, you step out of the car and take in the sight before you. It isn't long till you feel a familiar pair of arms caging you in, swaying you back and forth to the beat of the radio faintly playing in the background.

"D'you like it?" Oikawa asks, his breath fanning across your ear. It sends a hot flash across you cheeks and all you can manage to do is nod. "I knew you would...A friend told me about it and I knew I just had to bring you here."

You rest against his back, leaning your head on his shoulder as he continues to sway you back and forth. Only until you manage to twist yourself around to come face to face with his eyes—eyes sparkling beneath the colorful lights.

"Tell me that you'll never leave me," He presses his forehead onto yours, his sigh warms your cheeks. His hands fall to your waist, weaving his fingers into a tight hold to pull your closer."I love you so much..."

You lean in to kiss him; the warmth of his cheeks meets the coolness of the palm of your hands. "I'll love you forever, Toru."

196 notes · View notes

starsinmylatte · 4 years ago

Text

A Song Among the Stars

Chapter count: 2/?

Rating: Mature 🔞

Relationships: Grand Admiral Thrawn/Original Female Character

Tags:

Space Opera (literally)

Slow Burn

Slow Romance

Other Additional Tags to Be Added

Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con

Never by thrawn

Sexual Tension

Mix of Legends and Canon

Art Enthusiast Thrawn | Mitth'raw'nuruodo

Thrawn | Mitth'raw'nuruodo is protective of his muse

Ballroom Dancing

Imperial Star Destroyers (Star Wars)

Imperial Officers (Star Wars)

Angst and Romance

Canon-Typical Violence

Chiss (Star Wars)

Chiss Ascendancy (Star Wars)

Masquerade

The Empire shows off

Imperial style

Phantom of the Opera AU if you squint

Thrawn finds his muse

Total word count: 5,506

Chapter 1: Overture

Song suggestion: Reflections- Toshifumi Hinata

I lingered in the bath, fully understanding that I was only delaying the inevitable. The warm, aromatic water swirled around me as I began to dread the next few hours. Soon, the handmaidens assigned to prepare me for tonight would arrive to ensure my compliance.

At an earlier point in my life, I would have resisted all of their attempts to shove me into the various gowns, gems, and the absolutely appalling shoes that had been chosen for me. I had actually bitten the first girl that tried to change my outfit forcibly.

The handmaidens were all extremely wary of me after that incident, but, somehow, three of them had managed to become my only true friends on Coruscant. Despite my best intentions to hate everyone, Talle, Kaia, and Ahni were the only ones who bothered to understand my story.

Though each of us was from a different planet, we had all been taken from our homes by the Empire. We all served high-ranking Imperials, but my main role was different. I was a piece of Imperial propaganda. I was painted as the poor girl from the Outer Rim whose singing talent was discovered by the Empire and given a place to shine for the whole galaxy to see.

My train of thought was immediately interrupted by the sound of three very familiar sets of footsteps entering my room and a sing-song voice that rang out, “Oh Lyra! It seems that you’re stuck with us yet again.”

I let out a genuine snort before retaliating. “Kaia, you know nobody else wants to be anywhere near biting distance of me. You’d have to be personally requested by Lady Tarkin before anyone would consider switching jobs with you, and that’s saying something.”

I suddenly shuddered as I remembered my last encounter with her. Thankfully it had been brief, but it had still felt like an eternity. “That woman is so unpleasant.”

The second voice jokingly mused, “I don’t know, sometimes you can be almost as miserable as her. Now come on out of the bath. We have to start getting you ready.”

“Just five more minutes Talle.” I groaned, “I can just feel that tonight will be particularly long.”

Kaia laughed as she poked her head into the refresher and handed me a mug. “Somehow, I knew you’d say that, and that’s why we’re here ten minutes early.” Her eyes sparkled with mischief. “Before you even begin to ask about it, here’s your shig.”

I shot Kaia a friendly scowl before immediately perking up at the mention of my favorite tea. I had always been partial to caf, but there was nothing better than a steaming cup of herbal tea before a performance. The citrusy scent of the behot immediately filled the small room, and holding the warm mug in my hands was instantly comforting. I let out a sigh of pure bliss, “Stars, you are a wonderful friend.”

Kaia winked before exiting the refresher. “Oh, I know.”

As I enjoyed the last few minutes of my bath, the tea brought back memories of my home. Before the Empire had taken me, a cup of shig and a hot bath would have been considerably rare, and the chances of both happening on the same day, even rarer.

Back on Ero, life was more mundane. My father always had quality goods on hand, but as a trader, he couldn’t just let his daughter drink all of his products. There were also no fancy bathtubs because they were a waste of precious drinking water, so almost everyone used sonic showers instead. I could resent the Empire all I wanted to, but there was no denying that I was at least well provided for. Somehow that made me hate my captivity even more.

I gripped my mug as I fought the other memories that tried to resurface. It had gotten easier to push them down as the years passed, but the pain was still there. Flashes of my capture, my time spent held on a Star Destroyer, the captain that had trapped me in his quarters…... The last thing I needed was to slip back into these memories.

Then there was a gentle hand on my shoulder. The sudden presence made me jump, but I saw Ahni’s smiling face when I looked up. Her face was both a comfort and a constant reminder that the Empire had hurt many people besides me. She had a beautiful deep green complexion marred by the scars from her capture that ran across her face and entire body. Ahni rarely spoke, but she was still extraordinarily expressive and always had ways to make her emotions known. Realization flashed across her face before she bent down and hugged me.

We shared an understanding moment of silence before Kaia yelled in from the other room. “Come on, Ly! We have to get you into all this kriffing fabric sometime today. I heard that we managed to get one of the better options, but tonight everything is special, so there’s more to do than usual.”

Stars, I almost forgot, I mentally berated myself. Tonight’s not only the biggest party I’ve been expected to perform at so far, but it’s the kriffing Masquerade too.

I immediately began cursing under my breath in every trade language I knew as I leapt from the bathtub, wrapped a robe around myself, and ran out of the refresher, closely followed by a very amused Ahni.

My apartment was quite lovely for basically being a prison. I had a plush bed with privacy curtains, a small vanity, a bedside table, a closet filled with outfits, and a tiny enclosed balcony. Having a private refresher made it very close to luxury.

I walked over to the vanity and had a seat. I had been prepared for Imperial events far too many times and knew the procedure that was about to happen by heart. I used to protest that I could get ready myself, but preparing for an Imperial ball required way more thought and perfection than anything else and by now, I put my trust in Kaia, Talle, and Ahni.

Tonight demanded absolute perfection.

The Masquerade was a collection and celebration of the Empire’s most significant members, and my role was to be the sparkling gem in the center of everything. I knew my true purpose tonight involved way more than my renowned singing ability. My presence tonight was pure propaganda. I was a message to every person on every planet in the Empire. This could be you. The Empire is generous. If this insignificant girl from the Outer Rim could be here, you could be here too.

I had already been warned about the consequences if I fell short of what was required tonight.

Hours later, the process was finally complete. Talle had powdered, colored, and shaded my face to her precise standards. She had even filled my lips in with a deep red pigment and darkened my eyelashes to complement my icy blue eyes. Not to be outdone, Kaia had coaxed my long blonde hair into an elegant, intricate updo inlaid with black and white quartz.

The dress came last, and it was stunning. When Ahni opened my closet, I almost couldn’t believe my eyes. Whoever had selected it had undoubtedly wanted me to stand out. There would be no shortage of finery tonight, but I was to be resplendent.

Talle was completely astonished for a long moment before she spoke, “I do believe this is the least horrid thing they’ve picked out for you.”

Ahni nodded vigorously in agreement while Kaia and I remained utterly speechless. The dress was breathtaking, even just on the mannequin.

Getting into the dress was a three-person endeavor, but the struggle was utterly worth it. The long, form-fitting black dress perfectly hugged every curve from the floor up before tapering just slightly above my cleavage. There, the material shifted to the left, wrapped behind my neck, and then formed a sleeve that draped down my entire right arm. However, the most remarkable thing about the dress was the fabric. Any and every way that I moved caused the material to shimmer like the thousands of stars twinkling in the night sky.

I was provided a single thick, gold cuff for my left wrist, and even though the hem of the dress would cover them, heeled slippers made out of the same fabric as the dress.

Talle smiled and carefully handed me the final missing piece. “Now, now,” she jested, “you can’t go to a masquerade without this.”

The mask she handed me was so intricately ornate that it easily could have been mistaken for black lace, but it was actually made from a lightweight metal inlaid with dozens of sparkling diamonds. When I put it on, it rested just above my nose to conceal the upper half of my face beautifully.

As Kaia secured the whole thing in my hair with more pins and gemstones, Ahni produced a floor-length mirror from the closet. In my performances on Eros, I had worn dresses that were considered elegant in the Outer Rim, but there was no way they could ever compare to this. For the first time in my life, I was stunned at my appearance. I had never been overly confident, but now I felt absolutely beautiful.

Talle laughed, “Just try not to stop any hearts tonight. The Empire might lose important officers, and then we’d all be in trouble for making you look this good.”

Kaia placed a hand over her mouth to stifle her snickering, and Ahni looked highly amused by the thought.

I just rolled my eyes, “I think their partners would probably get to me first.”

That sent everyone over the edge, and we all laughed to the point of tearing up. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Ahni went over to open it, and two officers decked out in their Imperial best stepped into the room. The shorter officer locked eyes with me and blushed furiously before looking away.

The taller one finally spoke, “Good evening Miss. We will be your escorts for the night. If you wouldn’t mind following us, we have a speeder waiting to take us to the venue.”

I smiled at the officer, “Thank you, I appreciate it. If you wouldn’t mind waiting outside, I’ll finish up and be out in a second.”

He nodded and signaled to the other man. They stepped outside, and I immediately pulled Ahni, Talle, and Kaia into a big hug. “Thank you all for your help and for being my friends; you make this so much more bearable. I’ll see you when I get back tonight.”

After a few seconds, we broke apart and finished our goodbyes. I smiled at my friends one last time before walking out of the room to join the officers.

________________________________________________

Chapter 2: Aria

Orchestra tuning: The Imperial March (Glory of the Empire)

Lyra’s final song: Roméo et Juliette, CG 9 Act 1: “Ah, je veux vivre danse ce rève” sung by Aida Garifullina

*TW* brief Attempted assault/non-con towards the end of the chapter

The officers outside of my door stood so close that I almost ran headfirst into the taller one when I stepped out.

“Apologies, Miss, we thought you’d be a little longer,” the man managed as he smoothly sidestepped me before acknowledging his previous blunder, “It also seems like we’ve forgotten to introduce ourselves.”

He briefly paused to take his place beside his partner before continuing. “My name is Captain Dreycolt, and this is Lieutenant Arkmad. It’s an absolute pleasure to make your acquaintance and we both actually have you to thank for our presence at the Masquerade tonight.”

Arkmad, who was still noticeably red in the face, nodded sagely. “None of the higher-ranking officers wanted to be stuck with a job at the party; however, the rest of us were fighting to even be included. We happened to fall at the perfect place on the pecking order,” he smiled slyly.

I raised a single eyebrow at Arkmad and gave him my most saccharine smile, “Well, I’m glad that this will be an enjoyable job for you, even though you’re stuck with me.”

His face flushed several shades deeper, and he started to stammer. “M-My apologies M-Miss. I n-never meant to imply….”

Dreycolt promptly tapped him on the shoulder to cut him off before turning back to me and smoothly taking my hand. In one fluid motion, he leaned forward, slowly raised it to his lips, and gallantly kissed the top of my hand. He smiled up at me through lowered lashes, “However, any job that is this beautiful couldn’t possibly be so bad.”

Now it was my turn to blush and I prayed the mask hid most of it because Dreycolt was definitely an attractive man. His caramel-colored hair was neatly trimmed with darker eyebrows and eyelashes framing his warm amber eyes. The uniform he wore fit him exceptionally well, and the slight stubble on his chin tickled my hand as he pressed his lips to it. After what felt like an eternity, he released his grip, and my hand returned to my side.

There was no doubt Dreycolt’s distraction from his lieutenant’s blunder had worked as intended. I could tell he knew as much from the slight smile that tugged at the corner of his lips.

“You flatter me, Captain. If all Imperial officers are as pleasant as you, perhaps tonight will be more enjoyable than I expected.”

Of course, all officers aren’t as kind or practiced in flattery, I thought darkly. These two seem bearable enough to talk to, so I’m at least grateful for that. After all, they’ll be keeping me company for most of the night when I’m not on the stage.

His annoyance at the situation briefly flashed in Arkmad’s eyes before he cleared his throat. He did not seem to enjoy being sidelined for his misstep.

“We should be on our way by now,” he chided. “The airspeeder has priority clearance to travel outside of normal traffic lanes, but I don’t want to explain why the Empire’s star performer is late for her practice time with the orchestra.”

He was, of course, right. Dreycolt jokingly bowed and gestured out into the hallway. “Lead the way, Miss.”

With the Captain and Lieutenant flanking me, I walked through the twisting hallways of the building towards the balcony where our airspeeder was docked.

I was still somewhat dreading the Masquerade, but at least the ride would be pleasant and I would even get to see the sky again. It sounded like such a small thing to enjoy, but coming from Ero to Coruscant was a massive shock in so many ways. I could always see the sky and the stars glittering at night in the Outer Rim but Coruscant was a completely different story.

Though my apartment was beautiful, it was nowhere near the skyline. I played an important role, but it was definitely not important enough for me to live among the rich and powerful. The towering buildings above me kept all traces of natural light from finding my little room, and while artificial light was better than living in the dark, it held no comparison to the real thing.

When we reached the airspeeder, Dreycolt jumped into the driver’s seat, and Arkmad helped me into the back before taking his place in the seat beside him. At the press of a button, a smooth, clear dome slid overhead and enclosed the craft.

I couldn’t resist making a joke. “For both your sakes, I’m glad there’s a roof. You would have to deal with my very unhappy hairstylist if her work was ruined.”

Dreycolt let out a deep-chested laugh, and even Arkmad’s stormy facade cracked into a smile before the airspeeder pulled away from the building, and we were finally on our way.

Since I was expected to be at the venue early to rehearse, night had not yet taken over the cityscape. The sky was cloudy as usual, but light still fell to glisten and reflect across the tops of the tallest buildings. The view was absolutely breathtaking.

I all but shoved my face against the clear dome to take in all of the incredible scenes spread out below. Thousands of speeders, taxis, and transports wove around the many buildings, each with a different purpose and destination. I was beyond captivated by all the people and their freedom to go wherever they pleased, whenever they wanted to.

Before I knew it, we had arrived at one of the most palatial homes on the highest level I had ever seen. Dreycolt stopped the speeder at the balcony, although calling it a balcony was a massive understatement, and Arkmad helped me out onto the landing. I had become accustomed to the splendor displayed by the most influential Imperials, but this was on another level entirely.

An enormous garden lay spread out beyond the balcony’s opulent landing pad. The path we walked down extended its way throughout the entirety of the grounds and wrapped around a massive central fountain before it continued up into a set of stairs that I could only guess led to the main ballroom.

Statues depicting the most famous Imperial victories lined both sides of the walkway, which eventually branched off to different garden sections on each side. Upon closer inspection, the central fountain proudly displayed the Imperial Crest carved into stone so dark it could’ve been mistaken for a solid shadow.

Every single hedge, bush, or flower we could see was maintained to standards of perfection that would impress even the Admiralty of the Imperial Navy. The sweet scent of the many exotic flowers lingered in the air, and the sounds of water trickling from the fountain made the garden almost seem peaceful.

Dreycolt let out a low whistle that made both the lieutenant and I jump. Evidently, he had passed the speeder off to another officer while we were distracted. “Stars. I had heard the constant squabbling over who would get to host led to an amazing result, but this is insane.”

Arkmad nodded, “Someone told me the Emperor personally picked the host and venue. I have no idea who was picked, but they certainly did an outstanding job with the preparations.”

“I wish I were able to walk around,” I sighed wistfully. “It’s been years since I’ve been in a real garden.”

Dreycolt smiled, “Well, Miss, perhaps after your performance, we can arrange that.”

The grin that crept across my face was hard to hide as that simple thought became all of the encouragement I needed to get through the night. As the three of us began the walk to the ballroom, I realized that whoever had designed the path had done so with women’s shoes in mind, as it was completely smooth and comfortable to walk on. Kriffing hell, they really thought of it all.

Before long, we reached the top of the stairs and entered the ballroom. I didn’t think anything would outshine the garden, but I was so very very wrong. The garden was the pinnacle of control and order, but the ballroom exuded absolute elegance.

As we reached the top of the stairs, another officer was waiting to announce our arrival, but I was so captivated by my surroundings that I barely heard what he said. Beyond him was the main dance floor. It looked to be made out of the same dark stone as the fountain, but it was polished so thoroughly you could easily see your reflection looking back at you if you looked down. At the far end of the room, a small but wide set of stairs led up to the stage where the orchestra was busily setting up. More stairs just inside the entrance led to the upper floor, which was filled with tables draped in brilliant white cloths for people to sit and enjoy the spectacle of the dancing below them. A massive, crystalline chandelier hung over the ballroom and blood-red sashes decorated the balconies.

There was so much more to see, but, unfortunately, I wasn’t there to spectate.

As I walked up to the stage, I stopped to greet the conductor of the orchestra; Skath Farri was an old friend from the conservatory where I had trained. He was invited to Coruscant for his considerable talents and was never permitted to leave. Now, he conducted the Imperial Orchestra. No one could know our relationship was anything more than professional, or we’d never see each other again.

“Ly! You look gorgeous, my dear.” He greeted me with the usual platonic kiss on the cheek and inconspicuous wink. “Are you ready to shine tonight?”

That was his unique way of checking in on me. He was very aware that I had never entirely given my voice, or heart, to the Empire. I followed orders and sang the songs they wanted, but the emotion that drove my greatest performances was still in the Outer Rim. There was a marked difference between my performances here and Ero, but only someone like Skath would ever notice. I still played my part of the obedient songbird, but I refused to give them all of me.

I smiled back at him. “Just about as ready as I’ll ever be. They sent me a rather impressive list of everything I’m to perform tonight. At the very least, I came prepared.”

Skath just smiled knowingly before he shooed me onto the stage to begin warming up with the orchestra. Time seemed to stop as I rehearsed, but before long, the guests started to arrive and I was sent over to wait in my spot in the backstage wings until it was time to perform.

I could only see the stage, but I heard names, both familiar and not, being announced upon their entrance. The ballroom began to fill with voices as the guests trickled in. All of a sudden, a musical cue played, and the room went deathly silent. A ghostly hologram flickered to life in the center of the stage, and the shadowy form of the Emperor appeared.

“Welcome, my friends. I trust you will all enjoy tonight as a celebration worthy of our great Empire.” He paused for applause before continuing. “Now, it is my wish that you use this time to reflect on the victories that brought us to this moment. I assure you there will be many more in the future.”

The Emperor stood for even more cheering before holding up his hand to silence the crowd. “Now, let my Masquerade begin!”

His hologram flickered slightly before disappearing altogether as the lights dimmed, cuing me to get on stage. I walked out to stand in the center of the stage, and as soon as I reached my place, the lights slowly returned to their former brilliance.

I was no stranger to performing, but having every single Imperial in the room staring at me was enough to give me butterflies in my stomach. Thankfully, before they could settle in, Skath cued the orchestra to begin with a flick of his baton. The opening notes of the first piece, a current favorite on Coruscant, swelled to life, and I began to sing.

Almost immediately, the officers and politicians turned to their spouses or began to venture off in search of a dance partner. The crowded dance floor began to clear slightly, as others had no interest in dancing and were only there to make connections. The first song ended with tremendous applause, and I began the second. You can do this. Just take it one piece at a time.

By now, I was calm enough to enjoy myself and to watch the dancing and it quickly became apparent that everyone in attendance had tried their best to impress. The ladies wore beautiful, elaborate dresses made out of the best materials and representing the latest fashions from every corner of the Empire. Politicians displayed the most richly colored and finely tailored clothing they owned and Imperial officers were in their usual dress uniforms, but no one was seen without a mask.

There were all kinds of masks on display. Some were crafted entirely from gems or precious materials to show off resources from their home planet. Others pulled designs from legendary animals or myths. There were even some covered in exotic feathers or flowers, but every mask was distinctive in its own way.

Hours passed as I continued to sing. Slowly but surely, I made my way through the extensive list of songs on the program until only one remained. The last song required using a specialized instrument, so I retreated to the wings for some water while it was being set up.

Suddenly, Skath appeared and sprinted towards me. He spun me around to face him fully, and I was in shock at how frazzled he looked. Even his voice was strained. “Lyra, you have to trust me. I have no idea who asked for this, but they were important enough to change the final song we planned. Every member of the orchestra was given the new sheet music, and a stand was set out for you.”

“They want me to sight-read a piece on a night as important as this?!” I gasped indignantly at the thought.

Skath’s face was grim. “No. You’ll know it, but you won’t be happy about it. We don’t have any time left, so we’ve got to get back on stage. For what it’s worth….. I’m so sorry.”

My stomach sank. If he was this upset… I had no idea what to expect. However, there was no choice but to walk back to my place on stage and pretend nothing had even happened. With every step, the sinking feeling in my stomach grew.

It was so much worse than I ever could’ve expected. There was no way anyone here besides Skath should know about this song, but here it was in front of me. It was my favorite piece of music and the only one I’d sworn to keep from the Empire forever. The piece that had been the star of my first major performance on Ero after I left the conservatory.

Before I could even finish my thought, the orchestra cued up. The first few notes began, and every single one of them felt like a knife to the heart. My muscle memory kicked in, and before I even knew it, I was singing.

Thoughts flew through my head while I choked my way through the opening verse. What would I do? Do I keep my promise and hold back, or do I seize the chance I was forced into and truly sing from my heart? Memories of Ero, my family, and my friends all returned as the song continued. My voice began to flow over the music as I made it my own. I remembered my father’s smile and how proud he’d been of me for my music.

Courage suddenly coursed through me like liquid fire. I’d show every kriffing Imperial here what a daughter of the Outer Rim was truly capable of! I was wrong to hold back my emotions before. They could take me, bring me to this place, and shove me on a stage, but they could never control my voice. The Empire wanted me to be their emotionless puppet. My voice wasn’t exactly quiet before, but now it rose to fill the entire ballroom. I was going to burn myself into the mind of every Imperial present. Whoever requested this song would not see me subdued; they would see me triumphant. I poured every ounce of bottled-up emotion into my music, and my voice soared. Then, I had sung the final note, and it was all over.

You could’ve heard a code cylinder drop in the ballroom after the orchestra finished. The dancing had all but stopped, and people were leaning over the balcony to watch me. I curtsied, preparing to exit the stage and receive whatever punishment was in store for kriffing up the Masquerade, but then the thunderous applause began.

I kept my curtsy for as long as possible before my knees started to buckle. Everything left in me had gone into the song, and I barely made it into the wings before I collapsed. Fortunately, Captain Dreycolt was there to catch me before I hit the floor.

I smiled weakly at him. “Since the orchestra is taking it from here, now might be a good time for me to get some fresh air.”

He grabbed Arkmad, and together they helped me out one of the side doors into the garden. I didn’t want to be seen in my weakened state, but thankfully the garden was empty. Most people seemed to be still dancing or otherwise occupied. Those that were in the garden didn’t appear to have ventured this far.

Dreycolt stopped and pointed at the hedge maze, “There’s a small sitting area in the middle. The only way in or out is through the maze. Why don’t we take you to it so you can rest? Arkmad and I will stand at the entrance and exit to make sure you aren’t bothered.”

I had no complaints; the idea sounded fantastic. We made our way through the maze until we reached the center. It was small and only had enough room for a bench, but it was paradise to me. Arkmad helped me onto the bench before making his way to the exit. Dreycolt gave me one last worried glance, turned around, and headed back towards the entrance. The crisp night air felt wonderful on my face, and I began to relax. I closed my eyes, took deep breaths, and started to feel normal again.

The sudden sound of footsteps startled me. Assuming it was Dreycolt or Arkmad, I rose to meet them. For the second time that night, I was profoundly incorrect. A cold, sly voice broke the silence as the face that haunted my dreams stepped into the area. “Hello, Lyra. I bet you thought you’d never see me again.”

Icy fear washed over me as I was thrown into complete shock. Standing in front of me was Girerd Bost, the captain that took me from my home and attempted to violate me in every way possible. The starlight shone on his face, illuminating his narrow, glacial eyes and the nasty scar to the right of them. I hissed at him, “Captain Bost, what an unpleasant surprise.” I gestured to his scar, “It’s a real shame that didn’t heal better.”

He had the decency to look hurt by my cutting words as he moved his pale hair to the side and softly traced the scar. “Unfortunately for you, it’s Commodore Bost now.”

Before I could even blink, he lunged at me, grabbed me by the throat, and shoved me down onto the bench. Bost leaned forward and whispered into my ear. “Those two boys waiting for you were certainly brave. They tried to argue with me, but they couldn’t disobey a direct order from a Commodore no matter how much they wanted to.”

He paused briefly to trace his other gloved hand over my face. His touch revolted me and made my skin crawl; he seemed to take pleasure in my discomfort before continuing, “Now, there’s no one nearby to interrupt us…”

At that moment, he made the mistake of stroking my lips. It was my turn to lunge forward, and I bit down on his hand hard. Bost screamed and released my throat to grab his bleeding fingers. I leapt up from the bench and bolted past him, sprinting as fast as possible towards the maze’s entrance and praying that I wouldn’t hit a dead end. He was chasing me by this point, screaming obscenities and threats of what he would do to me. Finally, an opening in the hedges appeared. I glanced behind me to see if Bost was close behind, but as soon as I turned my head, I suddenly collided with a very large, solid thing.

The hedges made it way too dark for me to see, but from the soft grunt I heard during the collision, it was another man. I recoiled backward defensively as Bost rounded the corner. The mysterious man glanced at him, looked back at me, and seemed to judge the situation quickly. He swiftly stepped in front of me to block Bost’s path. At this point, all my dignity flew out the window, and I hid behind his tall figure. I just had to trust fate that I was better off with him than with the Commodore. In contrast to Bost’s loud cursing, the other man’s voice was impossibly soft and collected when he spoke. “Commodore, I believe this woman would like to be left alone.”

Still distracted by his hand, Bost howled, “Just who do you think you…..”. He looked up at the man and abruptly shut his mouth. Before he could re-open it, my unknown hero spoke again. This time his voice had a definite edge, and an unrecognizable accent slightly marred his words.

“I am Grand Admiral Thrawn of the Seventh Fleet. I trust you will have no further issues with me asking you to leave.”

#grand admiral thrawn #thrawn #thrawn fanfic #fanfic #ao3 #also on ao3 #star wars rebels #star wars the clone wars #star wars legends #Thrawn x oc #mitt'raw'nuruodo

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percywinchester27 · 4 years ago

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A lot like ‘Us’ (Part-24)

Word count: 3.5K

Pairing: Sam X Reader AU

Warnings: Feels, angst, the usual

Series Summary: Y/N Y/L/N is eager and honestly, still in awe that she managed to get herself an acceptance from Stanford Law School. On the face of it, her life seems as put together, mysterious and independent as one might hope for. On the insides, she carries the burden of past that haunts her till date. Seemingly, she’d left it all behind; that is until she sets foot in the class of the Law School’s youngest, most promising professor.

A/N: Thank you for all the love, guys <3

The story employs two different timelines. The present timeline for the story takes place in 2014. Please let me know what you guys think :)

Beta: @deanssweetheart23. I love you <3

A lot like ‘Us’ masterlist

You stumbled on to the sofa in a bit of a daze, drawing the rug over you to keep the chill at bay. Your mind was screaming out in a dissonance of voices, all telling you different things at the same time, pushing you to go back to him, to ask him why didn’t he rid himself of a relationship that must have brought him nothing but hurt and pain? Why had he dragged this marriage all by himself for so long?

It was clear as day now- there was no other girl in Sam’s life. Only you. For all your incessant speculation, it had only ever been you.

“Y/N, you okay?”

Meg was next to you, her hand on your arm. “What happened?”

“I’m still married to him,” you whispered. “I’m still married to Sam. Meg-” you turned to her- “I thought he would’ve annulled the marriage. He had no reason to be bound to it. I left him high and dry. It’s the first thing he should’ve done- free himself… but… I saw his wedding ring. I can’t believe…”

Meg got up and walked to the fridge. You watched as she pulled out two beer bottles, opened them with her teeth and handed you one. She took a seat next to you, swinging her arm around your shoulder.

Slowly, you brought the bottle to your lips and took a swig. The cold bitterness of the beer was strangely comforting next to the warmth of your friend’s body. Meg didn’t utter a word. She drank from her own bottle, not easing the grip on your shoulder.

It was going to be a whole new challenge to face Sam now. Up until today you were simply happy that in Sam’s friendship, you were getting back crumbs of what you used to have. To know that he was still very much yours and yet not yours at all was very very painful. Wouldn’t you want to fling yourself at him the next time you saw him?

You wanted to ask Sam why he hadn’t severed the ties legally, but you didn’t think you had it in you. What would you say? So hey, Sam… remember when you loved me so much, but I left you anyway? Yeah, so why are we still married?

He’d kept his every promise, been faithful to you all along. You realised with a shock that you and Sam had been looking at the whole situation from two completely different angles. When you’d seen him in the lecture hall, a part of your past- one which you’d tried to bury very deep had resurfaced again. For him, he’d stepped into a generic lecture and found his wife staring down at him. It explained so much- Why he’d never been as lost to himself as you had been to yourself. You had resented his ability to smile, to be himself while you’d been a wreck all these years. Only now did you understand that the reason he had held on to himself was because he had never let go of you.

Silent tears rolled down cheeks as anger and disgust for yourself weighed you down.

“It’ll be alright,” Meg said in a low voice.

You took another swig, wondering if Sam will ever stop surprising you and knowing once again that you never deserved him.

*********************

“Bad night?” Madison was sympathetic.

You answered honestly, “It was my doing, I had it coming.”

“We’re almost to the end. You can sleep the exhaustion off.”

The two of you were sitting in the front row, waiting to be called up on the stage for the vote of thanks. It was relieving that the Induction fair had come to an end without any incidence- everything had gone as smoothly as you had planned and a lot of the alumni had come up to you to congratulate you for planning and managing it so well. You even had a couple of contact cards tucked in the pocket of your jacket, asking you to give them a call for the summer internship.

Madison was really impressed that you had offers. Summer internships were rare for first years, especially so without recommendations. She was sad for herself that Acton Griswold never broke the first year rule. You encouraged her to use her dad’s influence if it helped. It wasn’t like she would be taking someone else's place. She would only be creating one for herself. To be a good lawyer, one had to be pragmatic, you understood that very well and didn’t judge Madison for wanting to use all the resources at her disposal.

When it was time for the vote of thanks, you made it a point to thank all the speakers and hosts and then your team- each of the members individually for having your back. There had been some wonderful lectures and discussions. You might have been biased, but Sam’s had been the best- it was hopeful and inspiring. He’d looked great on the stage.

Afterwards, the committee had arranged a small lunch for the alumni still left, in one of the campus eateries. There was expensive alcohol and enticing music. A lot of people made their way to the center of the room and began dancing again, trying to revive the mood from last night. On your part, you were simply trying to avoid Sam. You could sense that he was trying to catch your eyes- probably to ask you why you had left so suddenly last evening. Luckily, he was a popular target and people kept going up to him to strike conversations.

You felt a hand on your shoulder, then another at your waist, making you jump back a step.

“Hey, it’s me!” Brad said with his usual arrogant grin.

“What’re you doing?”

“You promised me a dance, remember?”

You wanted to slap yourself for agreeing to it. “I didn’t promise anything.”

“Aw, don’t be like that,” he smirked. “You said one dance. Yesterday your guy didn’t leave you for a second and then you disappeared. At least, let me have one dance now?”

You knew from experience that he wouldn’t budge, so as annoying as it was, you put your hand on his shoulder- not to draw yourself closer to him, but to maintain a firm distance. If you were going to dance, it would be at your terms.

“Gee, I’m feeling very lucky today!”

“I can’t even dance.”

“That’s fine.” There it was again, the overconfidence. “Hey, listen. Me and the guys and some people from class are having a pool party this weekend. I’ll see you there, right?”

“I can’t. I’ll be working this weekend.”

He rolled his eyes. “I know you aren’t working. I checked the schedule at the library. So don’t even try to wiggle out of this one.”

“I don’t know why you won’t give up, Brad,” you sighed as you moved from side to side.

“Because I know one day you’ll say yes. No one’s ever said no to me… except you.”

“So this is about your ego?”

He snorted. “It’s because I really like you. At least, give it a shot. What’s stopping you?”

The fact that I don’t like you. At all. And oh, apparently, I’m married.

“I’m not interested in dating anyone,” you told him flatly.

Something in his eyes changed, they became darker, his jaw tensed. “Let me change your mind.” His hand pressed against the small of your back, bunching up in the fabric of your dress. The fingers resting against your shoulders dug into the skin. He leaned in quickly- before you could react- far too quickly.

Just as you braced yourself to push him away, another hand landed on your shoulder, right above Brad’s, yanking his fingers away none too gently.

“Y/N!” A cheerful voice exclaimed, pulling you right from Brad’s arms into his own.

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” said Chase Lincoln, with the sort of jovial outrage that comes only after years and years of friendship. “How dare you evade me like this, you frivolous wench!”

You were absolutely baffled; next to you, so was Brad.

Chase turned to give him a dismissive look. “I’m sorry, mate,” he said, not sounding sorry at all. “I have some business to settle with this girl, here. If you’ll excuse us.”

Without waiting for Brad to react, Chase whirled you away, single handedly managing to keep the both of you upright.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what you mean,” you stuttered, as he spun you. His hands were light on your waist and in your hand- very respectable.

“Don’t say sorry,” he grinned. “I thought you were in a bit of a tight spot over there.”

“I was,” you breathed, still trying to keep up with his pace of dancing. You wanted to thank him for saving you from that, at the same time you didn't want to utter the words because you barely knew the man.

“Look-”

“Don’t thank me,” he cut you off. “It was the decent thing to do. Besides, my friend over there would have snapped a tendon or two, if I hadn’t.”

Chase jerked his head in the direction and you followed with your gaze to see Sam standing ramrod straight, hands balled into fists, jaw clenched. Even from this far away you could see he was coiled like a tight wire about to snap.

“He couldn’t intercede,” Chase said in a low voice. “And I couldn’t help but. Then there’s also the matter that I’ve been dying to get in a word with the lovely Mrs. Winchester. It’s not like Sam can come break us up either.”

Mrs. Winchester. The name resonated in your ears. If you hadn’t had all of the last miserable night to accept that fact, your legs might have just given out now.”

Chase laughed all of a sudden, the sound apologetic. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you or anything. You can ask me to get the hell lost and that would be that.”

“I don’t know what you want.”

At least, Chase wasn’t hurling abuses at her for ditching Sam.

“It’s nothing to do with Sam, actually,” he said. You noticed for the first time just how sharp his green eyes were. They gave you the feeling of being Xrayed. Not many people must be able to lie to him. “I have an offer for you.”

“An offer?”

“Yep. How would you like to come and work at Acton Griswold? It’s a great place to work in.”

You stared at him. “You’re kidding, right?”

“Wouldn’t dare.”

“I know Acton Gris doesn’t take first year interns.” Not even with recommendations.

Chase grinned. “Who’s talking about internships? Hell, no. You’ll be left with photo-copying and standing in café lines all day. I’m talking about actual work. I had the chance to go through your CV for the committee selection. Come work there as a part-time paralegal.”

“I wouldn’t fit in,” you mumbled. Chase’s words did not make any sense. You had no backing, neither were you naïve. You knew jobs like that had hundreds and hundreds of applications every week.

His eyes twinkled. “Trust me, you would. I could recommend you. I’m sure after more than two years of working there, I have enough pull.”

“Please, don’t.” Despite having asked Madison to use all the pull, you couldn’t bear the idea of someone doing it for you.

“Look, Sam told me that you helped him out with James’s case. I feel terrible about being swamped that day and not being there for him. Even his assistant, Stacey was on a leave. You saved that poor kid from jail.”

You hadn’t really done anything, and you told Chase that. His answering smile looked peaceful, like you had cleared some unknown test.

“Will you, at least, apply? I swear I won’t do anything to further your application. If you get in, it’ll be all you.” He hesitated before adding. “I won’t tell Sam if you don’t want me to.”

“Oh, no… it’s nothing like that. I don’t want to keep anything from him.” Not anymore.

Chase smiled. “Don’t worry, he’s too high up to be involved with the paralegals anyway. Word around the block is, they’re considering him for senior partner. He’d be the youngest in their history.”

You dropped your hands from around his shoulder, clapping them. “My God, that’s wonderful!” The grin spreading on your lips threatened to split your face. “I can’t think of anyone who would deserve it more.”

“That makes two of us.” Chase let go of you completely. “I’m glad he has someone who would be happy about his successes.”

That wiped the grin off of your face completely.

“He’s not the sort of guy who leaves people behind. When he left Johnson’s, he didn’t ditch Stacey, he brought her along… and me. I don’t think he has the ability to move on.”

The words felt heavy in the air between the two of you, and with Chase’s eyes boring into yours it was impossible to look away. He was imploring you to believe him.

He gave you his patented grin, one that said he was up to no good. “And unlike your college here, Acton Gris has no policy against fraternizing. I’ll see you around, Y/N!” Chase nodded and backed away, leaving you standing there wondering what the hell had just happened.

*********************

Sam hurriedly cleared his desk, in an effort to get out soon. Sundays were strictly reserved for Max… It’s a rule he didn’t break, Induction fairs notwithstanding. Those were mandatory for him as a faculty member.

So much for him dreading the Induction fair because it would be boring. Sam should have known nothing with Y/N could be even remotely disinteresting. In the past weekend, he’d oscillated from the nervousness of a teenager to a piercing hope. Today, he’d almost had a coronary.

Sam knew it was wrong. God, he knew it was wrong to want to punch a guy- especially a student! But he’d been touching Y/N… when she didn’t want to be touched. Sam could have sworn, that guy had leaned in with the intention of kissing her. He was almost sure. God bless Chase’s soul for jumping in when he did.

Chase had drawn her in his arms gently, and then turned to throw Sam a wink. Chase was the best wingman when he wanted to be one.

Then there was the new anxiety of having Chase with her. Y/N- she wasn’t like other people. She felt things too deeply and Chase didn’t know that. What if he said anything that unconsciously hurt her… or accidentally mentioned Max or something from Sam’s past? As it is the way she’d left yesterday had Sam on edge.

Abruptly Y/N grinned and Chased bowed just a bit. Sam’s whole body relaxed.

He turned around and headed back to his office in the Law building. Standing there, watching Y/N was only drawing him thin. There were still a few papers he needed to grade and then get back to Max as soon as possible.

Not for the first time, Sam was grateful for Max. In all this mess, his kid kept him tethered. Sam would have gone off the orbit and done something stupid regarding Y/N. But one thought of Max and he was grounded back to reality. Max was his first priority… not that the kid was making it any easy for him lately.

Sam had seen him looking at Y/N’s photo again last night. The picture, one of her standing by the balcony, was taken a few days after her first acceptance. She was smiling down at Dean who was mowing the lawn and Sam had clicked the moment unbeknownst to her. She looked gorgeous. Sam couldn’t bear to see it everyday, so the picture had remained in the first drawer of his bedside table. In his moments of weakness, he could hold on to it and remind himself, something that pure had been his once.

A flimsy material caught Sam’s attention as he shut his desk drawer. Y/N’s scarf from last night. He hadn’t taken it home with him, choosing to leave it.

Maybe he could drop it at her place on his way home. That would be an innocent reason, right? He could ask her what was up with her yesterday. Y/N had been miffed at Sam for not seeing her in the library often. That meant not meeting him must be a bad thing for her. Sam was more excited about the prospect of returning her scarf than he was about most things in his life.

The door to Sam’s office sprang open, making him look up in surprise.

Y/N’s roommate, Meg, was standing at the door, her face a mask of contempt.

“Meg,” he said, surprised.

“Didn’t expect me, did you?”

Her hostile sneer would have tipped him off, had Sam not been riding the high if getting to see Y/N.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t,” he said. “Please, take a seat.”

“Cut out your bullshit, Winchester,” she spat, coming up to him. “What do you think you’re doing making Y/N’s life miserable like that?”

Sam couldn’t understand. “What… what do you mean?”

“Don’t,” she hissed. “Don’t you dare act like you don’t know anything. Every time she meets you, Y/N’s a wreck. When she found out you were the one who got her home that night… she was besides herself. I’ve never seen her so terrified or more out of her element. And I don’t know what the fuck you did to her last night, but she couldn’t stop crying.”

Meg took another step forward. “You think it’s so cool dragging her along with you like this? Why don’t you set her free? Or are you that much of a sadist to see her suffer day in and day out?”

“Suffer?” He repeated dully.

“When I first saw her, Y/N looked dead,” Meg said, fury in each word. “Her eyes were sunken and her cheeks were hollowed. When she laughed for the first time, it sounded hysterical, like she’d forgotten how to do it. Hell, her skin stretched over her bones even when she smiled. I’ve seen her struggle day after day trying to get a hold on herself, learn how to be happy again… and if you mess that up, Winchester, I swear I’ll smash your face in.”

Sam knew he should say something back, anything, but the picture that Meg had painted was too painful… a hollow Y/N, the one that had left him in the hospital. If she’d been the same when she moved in with Meg, how many years had she suffered at the stake of such mind numbing agony? And yet, he had seen life behind her eyes… he’d seen her happy, smiling…

“I don’t know what you did to her all those years ago,” she continued, her voice like ice. “Y/N wouldn’t say, but I know it was enough to kill a part of her. And I know somehow it was your fault.”

“Did she say that? Did Y/N say it was because of me?”

“No!” She spat, frustrated. “I don’t know why she can’t see what you’re doing to her. I can. You’re a slow seeping poison. Just leave her alone. Y/N was happy before you decided to come back and wreck her life again. Set her free.”

Something was choking Sam’s breath, words just wouldn’t come out. Was he keeping her from happiness? Was that why she had fled last night?

Meg jabbed a finger in his direction. “Remember.”

She turned on her heel and was almost out of the door when Sam managed to croak, “Meg-”

Meg looked over her shoulder.

With numb legs Sam made his way to her. “Take this with you,” he said, handing her the scarf with shaking hands. “It’s Y/N’s. She gave it to me yesterday. It would be best if you give it back to her.”

Meg snatched the scarf from him and then with one last look of derision, stormed out.

All Sam could do was fall in his chair, hands raking through his hair. What had he been thinking? What had been playing at? As if there was any chance in the world that he wouldn’t remind Y/N of what she had lost. Of course she was hurting and it was his damn fault, because he thought they could be friends again, because he hoped it could ever lead to anything more.

And there was always Max to think of. Right in front of his eyes the flimsy dream he had brought to life collapsed in a heap of shattered glass. Maybe in a parallel reality somewhere, Y/N would be in his life, Max would be their son and everything would be perfect. This was not that world. Here, Sam was sentenced to live out his life by himself and he’d be damned if let Y/N get hurt because of him again.

*********************

A/N 2: Okay... I’m sorry? *hides face* At least the reader has a playdate with Max!

Thank you for all the reblogs and comments! You guys are AWESOME! I LOVE you <3

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xo-phile · 4 years ago

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Tides (M!Mer x Fem!Reader) p2

╔═════ ∘◦ ☟ ◦∘ ══════╗

Excerpt: “Why are you telling me this now, Willow?” you asked, chewing on your straw.

“I can’t keep my nose out of other people’s business.”

You glared at your friend and she snickered under breath, elegantly swirling her drink with a perfectly manicured hand.

“I just want you to be happy. And I don’t want to see you missing out on a good thing.”

Word Count: 4.7k

Warnings: thalassaphobia, situational anxiety, some spice

Author’s Note: To the readers who left such sweet messages, liked, followed, reblogged, and to the person who sent me my first ko-fi ever... YOU LIVE IN MY HEAD RENT FREE ಥωಥ. Life has been crazy with job interviews and school starting soon, so I appreciate your patience! If you would like to be tagged so you get notified for the next update please let me know!

Part 1 ✦ Part 3 🍋

╚═════ ∘◦ ☝︎ ◦∘ ══════╝

༻✦༺　༻✧༺　༻✦༺

Ancient skeletons of long dead trees haunted the sands of Driftwood Beach. Petrified branches bent in all directions, reaching toward the sky, celebrating that even in death, their bodies served as an organic playground and haven for the living. Children and adults alike climbed along the writhing branches of trees fallen centuries before. Even in death, the haunted were kept loving company by the living.

You stood at the edge of the water, relishing in the way your toes pressed further into the sand as the cool water rushed past your ankles. The sun was low, coloring the skies a soft sorbet pink and orange. Out of the corner of your eye, you watched as Teddy victimized the seagulls making their way inland for the night.Your eyes drifted toward the open water of Lake Obsidian, its deep blue darkening as they day neared its end. From your point of view on the beach, the water was calm. Inside, you felt a tumult in your stomach, churning at what Dresden could possibly have planned when he asked to meet you.

Suddenly, Teddy was yapping at the water and in the distance you saw a familiar, finned form waving in the distance.

"You gonna stand there all day? We're gonna lose sunlight!"

You shuffled your feet in the sand.

"I was thinking we could start small! Here seems like really good progress already!"

Even from yards away you could see the exasperation on Dresden's face. You turned to see Teddy run head-long into the crashing waves, doggy-paddling toward Dresden, big brown head bobbing happily in the water.

"You're really gonna let your beast show you up like that?" the merman chided.

Show off, you thought ruefully. You stripped yourself of your jean shorts and jacket, down to bikini bottoms and rash guard. Despite the buzz of anxiety in your stomach, you picked up your paddle board and made your way out into waves. With every step you took the water rose higher and higher, until you stopped in your tracks. Waist deep in the water, your body refused to take a step further, muscles locking up in place.

"You're doing great! Keep coming towards me!" You looked up to see Dresden’s lopsided grin cheering you on.

"Dresden, I can't do this," you blurted clutching desperately at your floating paddle board, "I want to go back."

The water around you ebbed and flowed, swaying you with a force you weren’t familiar with and there was a gentle push at your back that you resisted. If it weren't for the death-grip on your board, your hands would have no doubt been shaking. Even when you were a kid, there was not enough candy or promises of gifts in the world that would have cajoled you into swimming in deep water. This was the farthest you had ever been and the newfound sensations were overwhelming.

"Wait wait wait! Just wait for me! I'll come to you, don't move!" He dove below the surface of the water, his flukes flashing before disappearing completely. Moments later, his head resurfaced in front of you.

"How're you feeling?" Dresden asked, eyeing the no-doubt panicky expression on your face.

"Like I'm about to crawl out of my skin."

He let out a little chuff at which you glared at.

"You're making jokes. That's good," he laughed. You held his gaze, trying to ignore the vast expanse of water around you. But also out of sheer resentment.

"I feel like if I say anything else, we won't be friends anymore," you ground out through gritted teeth. A stray current, made another push at your back and you clenched even tighter to your board for what little semblance of stability it could find.

"Okay, well I swear on our friendship that I won't make you go out any farther today. Climb on your board."

Your brows furrowed in confusion, but you still clambered on, lying on your stomach like a surfer would. With your body out of the water, the overwhelming apprehension subsided. The board still rocked as it floated in the gentle water and your body tensed nervously. Dresden was beside you now, a large hand on the nose of the paddle board keeping you from floating away.

“Good, now take a deep breath and close your eyes," he said. You looked at him, aghast.

"I'm not gonna let anything happen to you," he promised.

"Dres, I don't know about this," you faltered. He considered your expression for a moment and instead of acquiescing, his bigger hand took yours and wrapped around it tight.

"The worst that will happen, is that you feel a little stupid.”

You looked at him once more with doubt but promptly shut your eyes, laying your forehead down on your arms. The board's unstable rocking made your stomach turn and the occasional wash of water sent shivers up your spine.

"Okay, now tell me everything you're feeling right now," came Dresden's calm voice. You gripped his hand tighter, the only source of stability you could feel.

"Scared. I'm really scared. I don’t like that everything’s moving.”

"Okay, that's okay. Tell me why."

“I-I feel like, I’m gonna get washed away. Or that I’m gonna get pulled under.” At your words, Dresden’s hand tightened in yours and you let out a breath that you didn’t realize you were holding. Self-consciousness washed over you at your admission. Dresden was right, you did feel stupid. You felt stupid for your irrational fear, for coming out onto the water. You should have stayed on land where things didn’t move beneath your body and the world wouldn’t threaten to swallow you up.

How lame.

“You know it’s okay to be scared right? There’s nothing wrong with how you’re feeling right now.” Dresden’s voice was much closer now, his breath ghosting your ear and calming your unwelcome thoughts. Now all you could hear was the crash of the waves on the shores behind you and your heart thumping in your throat.

“Okay, now take a deep breath in. Three-two-one.” You inhaled through your nose, the rush of cold air of the dusk filling your lungs.

“Deep breath out. Four-three-two-one.” You pushed out a controlled breath, your diaphragm straining. Your heart was not not so loud but there was still a pit in your stomach.

"Now I want you to name three things you can smell."

You hesitated at his words for a moment but focused on finding any scents you can trace. With your head buried arm, you smelled the faint coconut scent of your sunscreen. In the air, a soft sharpness of pine wafted through the breeze. Finally a scent of clean, crisp water filled your senses.

"Sunscreen, Pine Trees, and Water."

"Okay, now what can you hear."

Blood was rushing through your head and your heart was still loud, but you pushed past the sounds of your anxiety to listen to the sounds of Driftwood Beach. Beneath you, water lapped against your board, causing a soft hollow knock against plexiglass to echo under you. Above, you birds called out to each other as they soared overhead, crying into the open sky.

"Water under my board and birds."

Despite the darkness behind your lids, the world around you came into clear perception through your senses. You lifted your head and opened your eyes to find Dresden watching you intensely, mossy green of his eyes darkening faintly.

The moment between you twisted like a knot tightening with every quiet second that passed.

“You’re not gonna ask me what I see?” you murmured softly. Dresden’s hazel eyes went and wide blinked, snapping out of his reverie. He let go of your hand, and for a moment, you mourned its warmth.

“No-no, I think that works,” he stuttered, a faint blush warming his sharp features. “How are you feeling?”

The sky above you both was now fiery orange set behind the darkening green of sequoias. The water around you moved with calm purpose, still but teeming with a quiet life. A faint sense of calm overtook you and you allowed your body to feel the gentle rocking of the water with the board between you.

“Better. A lot better.“

A comfortable silence settled and you sat up on your board, admiring the white moon in the sorbet sky. The idea of leaving your board still terrified you but your gorgeous surroundings were a welcome distraction and made a mental note to come back with your camera and a sketchpad.

From the shore, you heard aggravated squawks and a sudden burst of flapping wings. You and Dresden turned to see a sopping wet Teddy, galloping across the sand chasing a flock of irate seagulls.

"I better get back. If I don't feed Teddy soon, one of those seagulls might turn into dinner."

"Right, we wouldn't want that…” the merman averted his eyes, nervous to look you in the eye. “This was probably a lot for today, so I was thinking we could meet up again in a couple days? Whatever works-"

"No let's meet again tomorrow," you blurted, "This really helped a lot." Your face reddened. Your mouth had spoken before your mind had a chance to process what you were volunteering to do. Still, Dresden’s face lit up in a big grin.

"Okay, great. I'll see you tomorrow."

The two of you said your goodbyes and you made your way back to the shore. You could feel Dresden's eyes on you as you paddled towards land. It wasn't until you were standing on the solid shore did you see him wave from a distance and then disappear under the water.

You replayed the last half hour in your head. You had always known Dresden to joke and laugh at the expense of other people and you weren’t used to the care that he took with you and the warmth of his large hand in yours.

As you walked to your car, with Teddy in tow, you wondered how you never noticed that the soft curves of his boyish face turned into angles and edges.

༻✦༺　༻✧༺　༻✦༺

Despite every ounce of fear screaming at you, you spent each sunset with Dresden, wading out into the water, pushing yourself farther and farther from the shore. And like the tides, your fear ebbed and flowed. On bad days, you would be paralyzed, muscles stiffened as you lay on your paddle board. Dresden would always hold your hand, his grip firm and solid with a silent pledge to keep you safe. His voice, coaching you through the worst of your panic, would be uncharacteristically gentle.

On the better days, you two would work through the breathing exercises and then spend time reminiscing on childhood memories or talk about your respective work. You would sit on your board, mindfully allowing yourself to drift on the water, and talk about your growing frustration with your paintings and the inescapable deadline of the gallery opening. Dresden would then tell you about how his work mapping the underwater caves of Lake Obsidian was going with the local university, complaining about one particularly grumpy selkie lead researcher and the various ineptitudes of the doctoral students.

"Wait, wait so even the mer don't know how deep the lake is?"

"Nope, at some point it gets too dark to even see. Makes it dangerous. You lose your sense of direction." The thought of endless darkness and thousands of pounds of pressure on your head gave you a full-body shiver. Dresden laughed.

"Still it's not a bad gig. Helps with relations with the land folk and sometimes, you find cool stuff you can keep for yourself."

You thought about the fossilized ammonite that sat on the mantelpiece in your living room. The opalised fossil shimmered in the light when the sun beamed through your curtains, and you would stop to admire it when the stress of emails and showing dates overwhelmed you.

You tried not to think too much about how Dresden saved something that special just to give it to you.

༻✦༺　༻✧༺　༻✦༺

It was an early Sunday morning, a misty fog was just dispersing as the yellow morning sun warmed the chill in the air. You were wandering through the stalls of Talon Point's farmers market, admiring the vast variety of produce. Some you recognized: bright red and orange tomatoes, plump as a baby's cheek, broccoli and sprouts green and freshly picked, but there were also other varieties you didn't recognize, bright purple and magenta spices that sat in a pile as tall as you were and some sort of blue fruit perfectly cubed and shiny.

Even with your giant grocery tote filled to the brim with your usual fare, you still liked to wander through aisles, admiring the strange sights and shiny crafts of the local artisans. With a sudden pull, Teddy tugged you by his leash towards the specialty bakery that made treats for humans and non-humans alike. Warm smells of fresh croissants and chocolate eclairs wafted through the air and he made a dead stop just outside the door plopping his giant behind in an obedient sit, knowing better than to barge into a doorway without your express permission. You had to chuckle lightly at his polite adamance.

"Alright, but only one today. You're starting to look a little fluffy and I don't mean the fur," he seemed to harumph in protest but stood his ground. Inside the bakery, you saw a vast array of baked goods: doughnuts, croissants, tiny cakes, and even dainty cake pops. Behind the glass counter was an orc with an immense frame, balancing two gigantic trays of honey buns in both big arms.

"I'll be with you in a moment, miss," he gruffed, sidling his way through what looked like tiny walkways.

"That's okay, take your time. Just browsing." The orc let out a soft grunt in response and made his way to the back kitchen. As you made your way down the aisles, you started to realize the variety of baked goods was immense: green pandan waffles, taro puff pastries, and Mexican conchas in a variety of colors lined the trays in the glass case. Finally, you came upon some pastries in the shape of fish with ogling eyes.

"Any questions, miss?" You looked up to see that the orc had returned and was waiting patiently behind the register for you to make a decision.

"What are in these fish pastries?" you asked, shyly. He made his way over to you to check the display.

"Ah, those are taiyaki. Normally made with red bean paste inside, but this batch has Nutella." You smiled to yourself, wondering if Dresden had ever tried chocolate before.

Can merfolk even eat chocolate? you wondered, absently, already coming up with ways to make fun of him for having the hazelnut paste stuck on his teeth.

"Can I get two of those and one dog treat, please?"

You watched the gigantic orc as he packaged your pastries, large chords of muscle sliding under smooth green skin, delicately placing your order in a crisp paper bag.

Behind you, you heard a familiar voice call your name and you turned to see Willow dressed in a baby blue sundress and gigantic sunhat.

"Fancy seeing you out and about, stranger," she smiled and pulled you into a hug. Before you two could even make conversation the orc behind the counter cleared his throat and you turned sheepishly to pay for your order. Willow smiled up at the orc coquettishly, and requested an order of a dozen cheese croissants, and then proceeded to brazenly leer at his admittedly toned behind when he bent over to pick out a cardboard box.

"Thanks, Gil," she winked as you two exited the shop. The aforementioned orc rolled his eyes at Willow and gave another huff before making his way to help out another customer. Your ears warmed and you hid your face as you exited the store.

"Excuse me, I seem to recall that you have a whole-ass husband," you chided, teasing her as you made your way through the main street, passing shop displays filled with antiques and other handcrafted arts.

"I'll have you know Romero and I have a mutually agreeable 'look don't touch policy'. Like window shopping!"

You rolled your eyes but smiled at her antics. “Is that what we’re calling it now?” You chuckled softly when her lips formed a pout at your chiding.

“Maybe you ought to consider shopping around, yourself.”

“I really don’t think I need more clothes.”

“Okay, now you’re being obtuse on purpose,” Willow huffed exasperatedly and you couldn’t stop the smug smile from tugging at your lips.

“Will, I already have the exhibition breathing down my neck. I don’t really have time to entertain any gentlemen suitors,” you sighed, stretching the tell-tale tingle of anxiety out of your neck.

“Who said anything about dating though? A fun little romp does the body and mind wonders. It’s a wonder how you stay sane when you never leave the house.”

“I leave the house! I walk Teddy all the time and me and Dresden-”

You clapped your hand over your mouth before the last of your words could tumble out. But it was too late. Willow didn’t miss your words and she honed in on you like a hawk.

“You and Dresden? You two have been hanging out? How?” Willow probed, a wickedly gleeful expression on her face.

“Oh my god, Willow it’s nothing like that. He’s been…” you sighed, trying to find your words, “We’ve been doing exposure therapy out on the water. He’s been helping me after the accident.”

Willow studied your face thoughtfully and smiled like she knew something you didn’t. You grabbed her by the elbow to look her in the face.

“Willow, what?”

“Nothing! I just didn’t think he had it in him to make a move.”

You sputtered, ears warming again with embarrassment.

“He’s not trying to make a move!” you cried indignantly. Willow smiled at you like a child who still believed in Santa.

“He looks at you like you put the freaking sun in the sky. Like, he’s literally had a crush on you since we were children.”

She smiled wickedly at your stunned silence. Despite her deceptively air-headed appearance, you knew Willow to be highly perceptive. And blunt. Willow pulled you by your wrist to the nearest cafe and sat you down in a chair of a patio table. A young tiefling waiter rushed out with menus and a water bowl for Teddy and Willow ordered two iced coffees while she waited for your brain to reboot.

“I feel like I would have noticed,” you quavered, still processing this revelation.

“You’ve been hung up on Micah for years. We didn’t think it would matter.”

The young tiefling came out with your orders, setting the sweltering cups on the table before, making his way back into the cafe. You and Willow took several silent sips.

“Why are you telling me this now, Willow?” you asked, chewing on your straw.

“I can’t keep my nose out of other people’s business.”

You glared at your friend and she snickered under breath, elegantly swirling her drink with a perfectly manicured hand.

“I just want you to be happy. And I don’t want to see you missing out on a good thing.”

You looked her in her icy blue eyes, earnestness shining through.

༻✦༺　༻✧༺　༻✦༺

All through the ferry ride back, all you could think about were Willow’s words. How could you have possibly missed something so huge? Your relationship had always seemed so simple and easy…

Or so you thought. Your mind wandered to all the sunsets you two spent together out on the water and the soft looks of concern he gave you on your worst days, when you couldn’t handle the anxiety.

You thought about the day of the accident, when he pulled you out of the water and held you shivering and wet, murmuring reassurances that you were safe. And then you thought about how angry he got at Micah, his oldest friend.

“Why else would he have gone ballistic like that?”

Willow’s words echoed in the back of your mind as you unlocked your door and made your way into the kitchen to put away your groceries. As you put away the produce you’d found the white paper pastry bag holding the Nutella taiyaki you had bought for Dresden and you eyed the crumpled paper bag cautiously.

Dresden would probably laugh when he saw the funny looking pastry. Maybe his dimples would show and the coppery fins that framed his face would twitch as he tried it.

Your thoughts halted to a stop. Why were you daydreaming about your friend? Instead of letting your thoughts whir along, you decided to do what you did when you couldn’t feel at home in your own head: you painted.

You padded to the art studio and rifled through your things for an empty canvas and acrylic paints. Instead of your usual set-up with an easel and a stool, you set the 18x24 on the ground and squirted paint onto a plastic palette. You started with a soft sand color, not unlike the sands of Driftwood Beach at sunset, and let your arm guide itself across the blank canvas. Lately, you rarely ever let yourself waste paint and a canvas without a plan, but right now you didn’t feel like thinking anything through.

You added purple shadows, painting in subtle planes of an angular face, detailing in soft cheekbones and an elegant jawline. Blues showed soft shadows cast by dark curly brown hair and a proud nose, while reds added depth and dimension to a clever face. For a playful arch of dark brows, you added grayish black to brown and touched up the curve of a playful smirk with pink an white.

When you started work on the eyes, your mind wandered to strong hands gripping tightly at your hips and back, keeping you from getting swept away. You remembered how warm hazels watched you, dark with concern and then intense with yearning.

A pleasant shiver ran down your spine at the memory. His inner irises were a rusty brown that glittered when he laughed and outer irises flashed a brilliant coppery green when serious.

You painted his facial fins to match with eyes, a uniquely striking coloring.

By the time you finished the piece hours had passed and the sun was lowering in the sky and you cursed to yourself before changing quickly and rushing out the door.

༻✦༺　༻✧༺　༻✦༺

You made your way out into the lake, this time paddling out on your knees, carefully balancing the bag of pastries on the tail of your board. It had been a few weeks and you weren’t scared to navigate your way farther and farther from shore anymore. Still, fear overtook you whenever you tried to swim out so you settled for adventuring through the water safely on your board. As you waited for Dresden, you straddled your board, letting your feet kick gently in the water, an accomplishment won once Dresden convinced you that plesiosaurs didn’t survive past the Cretaceous Period and wouldn’t try to take a bite out of your calf.

You watched as idly as the soft clouds rolled through the pink sky, noticing how the breeze shook the tips of gigantic redwoods. The final days of summer were flying by and soon Autumn would be upon Lake Obsidian. As you mused quietly about another year passed in this bustling little town, you saw a flash of a shimmering tale and a hand ghost up your ankle and calf. A surprised yip escaped your mouth as you flinched. Dresden popped up on the other side of your board shaking water out of drenched curls.

“Jesus Christ, Dresden, give me a heart attack why don’t you?”

“Sorry, couldn’t resist. You didn’t faint. I’d take that as a win.”

The merman smiled up at you with a big lopsided grin and you couldn’t help but notice the soft divot of dimples in his cheek. You looked away before you could get flustered, remembering your earlier conversation with Willow.

“I was in town earlier today and I saw something you might like.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed the way the merman lit up and your ears warmed at his adorable expression. You reached behind you to grab the white pastry bag and reached in to hand your friend the little fish pastry, “It has chocolate in it though. I wasn’t sure if mer can even eat hazelnut spread.”

He hung onto your board while he observed the fish-shaped confection, turning it every which way before taking an eager bite.

“It’s wonderful,” he moaned, mouth full. You giggled as you ate yours, enjoying the crisp outside and gooey inside. You two munched in comfortable silence and you folded up the white paper bag and tucked it into the shoulder strap of your bikini under your rash guard to throw away when you got home.

“You humans are creative, I’ll give you that. Bring me more of those. I’ll consider it compensation for my services,” licking the remnants of chocolate off his lips.

“Excuse me?! This was your idea!” you cried, indignantly.

“And yet, you reap the benefits and get to enjoy the pleasure of my company,” he smiled up at you cheekily. Like you predicted, chocolate had dripped down onto his chin and you let out a soft snort.

“Pleasurable company with questionable table manners. Dres, you have something here,” you pointed on your own face where his face was dirtied and Dreden swiped on the wrong side of his own. You let out a little giggle at his confused expression.

“No, other side,” you tried again, laughing even harder when he wiped his arm across his jaw and made an even bigger mess. Dresden pouted but smiled nonetheless at your laughter.

“Why don’t you come down from there and help me,” he teased, splashing some water up at you making you shriek indignantly.

“Catch me then!” Before you realized what you were doing, you swung a leg over your board and pushed yourself off, awkwardly hopping into Dresden’s surprised arms with a big splash. Your hands found purchase on his broad shoulders as you got used to the chill of the water, and you enjoyed the way his arms instinctually wrapped around your waist and under your ass to keep you from sinking in the still waters. Your legs wrapped around his waist, steadying you in the gentle current.

“Good catch,” you joked teasingly, although you felt your heart rabbit in your chest a mile a minute. Still, you couldn’t help but grin at the dazed expression on Dresden’s handsome face, eyes wide in confusion and mouth agape. You reached up to his face with a wet hand and wiped at the chocolate staining his chin until it was clean.

“Thanks,” he murmured softly. You looked up to see his hazel gaze locked on yours, waiting in anticipation for your next move. Your fingers moved on their own, tracing the sinewy muscles under the smooth, tanned skin of his shoulders and you found them making their way up to a strong neck where they traced the delicate slits of flattened gills. At your soft touch, the merman let out a low moan that sent molten heat straight between your legs. His arms tightened around you, pulling you flush against a hard torso in an iron brace. You gasped softly, a whimper threatening to escape your throat.

Dresden dropped his head onto your shoulder and let out a deep shuddering breath. With strong, wide hands gripping your hips, he gently hoisted you back on your paddle board and pushed you to arms distance.

Embarrassment and self-consciousness crashed down around you, shocking you out of your haze.

Was Willow wrong? Did you make a mistake? He doesn’t actually want you like that.

“Oh god, Dresden, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have…” you tried, but the merman was already shaking his head, a warm flush flooding his face.

“We should take a break for a couple days,” he ground out firmly. Your heart dropped to your stomach at his words.

“O-okay… Dresden, I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“It’s okay. I’ll see you around,” he blurted, before diving under the water and swiftly swimming away.

You didn’t remember paddling back to shore or making your way back to your car. All you felt was the sting of rejection and the burn of tears as they filled your eyes.

༻✦༺��༻✧༺　༻✦༺

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lady-of-the-lotus · 3 years ago

Text

Looking through a paperman's eyes, Xiao Xingchen can suddenly see again.

See Chengmei's face.

Xue Yang's face...

His mind split between multiple papermen, Xingchen fractures.

Xue Yang breaks with him.

E - Xuexiao - Read on AO3! - Head the tags! ; ) The art here is only tonally appropriate for this chapter... Chapter 2

Chapter 1 of 2

They walk for an hour and a half, cross-country. Rumor of a new threat had found its way to their corner of Yi City. Disappearing people, strange sightings, the usual, except there have been none of the normal signs of demonic activity.

Chengmei, impatient as always, had wanted to fly, but Xiao Xingchen had insisted they get some exercise.

“The weather is nice, and there’s no need to rush home,” he says. “A-Qing has gone off again.” Every few months, A-Qing’s restlessness resurfaces and she disappears for a few days, making Xiao Xingchen worry until he hears the tap-tap-tap of her stick on the stone of the courtyard.

“She’ll be fine,” Chengmei says. “She was on her own her whole life.”

“I know, but…”

“She was doing better than you were, my friend.” Chengmei laughs, touching his elbow, sending a little spark up Xingchen’s arm. “I still can’t believe you gave her your coin purse.”

“What was I supposed to do?”

“Well, if you’d asked me—”

Xiao Xingchen smiles in anticipation of whatever he’s going to say, but Chengmei breaks off abruptly with a low whistle.

“We’re here. A burial mound. Or rather, a mass grave.”

Xiao Xingchen’s sword is already out. “The resentful energy is quite strong.”

Chengmei snorts, something Xiao Xingchen has learned is his way of rolling his eyes so Xiao Xingchen can hear. Xingchen smiles to himself. He does this on purpose sometimes, winds Chengmei up, ruffles him. He delights in how expressive Chengmei’s voice is, how he wears his emotions on his sleeve, good or bad.

“‘Quite strong’?” Chengmei teases. “It almost bowled me the fu—the hell—no that doesn’t work—”

Now Xiao Xingchen does laugh. He can’t see Chengmei’s face, but hears the smile in his voice.

“Bowled me the fig over,” Chengmei finishes.

“A good save.”

“I know, right?” A creak of leather as Chengmei crouches. “There’s a stone headstone type thing here. I can’t quite make it out in this light.” Another creak as he seats himself on what seems to be a small cenotaph. "Probably from the war."

Xiao Xingchen frowns at him.

“How did you know I sat on it?” Chengmei shuffles his feet in the grass as if he’s risen, but he remains seated on the cenotaph.

“I know you too well, I suppose.”

Chengmei laughs. “You really are something else, daozhang.”

Xiao Xingchen waits for him to expand on that. He’s long since learned that Chengmei does that sometimes, throws out a non sequitur or random statement, sometimes to get a reaction, sometimes to change the subject, without really thinking it through.

Xiao Xingchen likes it, usually. Keeps things interesting. Often just by his remaining silent, as if uninterested, Chengmei will immediately follow up with something even wilder.

Tonight, however, his companion is silent, as if lost in thought.

“Get up, Chengmei, please. Let’s at least try not to anger malevolent spirits this time.”

A creak as Chengmei rises. “Still mad about what happened last week, I see.”

“That ghost almost killed you, all because you had to make fun of her fingernails, of all things!”

“You should have seen them. Just because you’re dead doesn’t mean you can’t be well-groomed.”

“Chengmei…” He sighs, but he can’t contain a smile. “Describe what’s around us. What are we looking at? …You looking at,” he corrects himself before Chengmei can.

“Bones, all over the place. Scattered over the burial mound. Rather homey.”

“Human bones?”

“Human and animal, by the look of things. This reminds me of the time at this little inn in Bianzhuang, where the soup had the most suspicious-looking pieces of—”

A bellowing sound cuts him off. “On your left!” he hisses, but Shuanghua is already up.

A crashing of underbrush, a foul stench of rotting meat, a rattle of displaced bones. The earth shakes beneath the creature’s hooves, he hears the rush of air around a supernaturally huge monster, but there’s not a hint of demonic energy, and for the first time since he lost his eyes, Xiao Xingchen is afraid.

Chengmei is reckless—

He lashes out, aiming at the sound. He hits something solid, and the beast roars, enraged. A cry from Chengmei and Xingchen is flung out of the way, tumbling to the rocky ground, out of the path of the charging beast.

The all-too-familiar sound of something piercing flesh. The scent of blood.

Xiao Xingchen slashes at the smell, aiming far enough away from the sound to avoid striking Chengmei. Shuanghua strikes flesh, hits bone, and is almost jerked out of his hands by the bucking creature. It turns and charges at him, dragging Chengmei along with it, by the sound of his tangled curses—

He ducks out of the way at the last moment. A crash as it thunders through the underbrush, turns again—

Chengmei’s voice, raised, half-choked: “Fuck you, stay away from him—” A stabbing sound, an angry cry, and something strikes him hard in the midriff, sending him slamming into a rock.

Blood again

His blood—

A bellow of pain. Distant, echoing. Chengmei’s shout, the whistle of a blade through the air.

A stabbing sound.

More blood, blooming thickly on the warm night air.

Xiao Xingchen passes out.

* * * *

At first, the only way he knows he’s alive is the blinding pain in his skull.

Blinding pain. Ha. That’s funny. Something Chengmei would have teased him for saying—

Memory rushes back to him. Patting around for his sword, he tries to get up but falls out of bed.

He’s safe at home in the Coffin House, on the floor beside Chengmei’s bed. He recognizes the creak of floorboard, the scent of the drying herbs strung from the rafters, the melancholy whistle of wind through the gaps in the walls.

“Daozhang!” A hand at his elbow, guiding him back into bed. “You’re awake!”

“What happened?”

“You saved my life. The usual.”

“What was it?”

“Hell if I know. Some kind of boar monster. Take more than some pig to kill me, though.”

“What time is it?”

“Still night.”

Xiao Xingchen struggles to marshal his thoughts. “You almost died.”

He can almost feel Chengmei’s shrug. “Not the first time, and it won’t be the last time. Well, the ‘almost’ part might be the last time; I might actually bite it next time.”

Xiao Xingchen doesn’t bother trying to parse that one out. “Are you hurt?”

“Nothing serious.”

Xiao Xingchen frowns. “Come here.”

“Come…”

“I can’t get up. Come here.”

Hesitating, Chengmei crawls into bed beside him.

“Take off your clothes.”

Normally this would elicit an off-color joke that would have Xiao Xingchen frowning at him and blushing, but now Chengmei hesitates again.

“I…well…”

“You are hurt!” Xiao Xingchen pats him down, forgetting his headache in the sudden flurry of panic. He should have reacted faster last night, should have killed the beast with his first blow, should have protected Chengmei—

Bandages beneath his fingertips, bare skin, a slight stickiness.

“The tusks!”

“Ruined a good robe, having to cut it off,” Chengmei says, back to his usual casual, flippant self. “Not sure even you can sew it back up. The robes, I mean, not my side.”

Xiao Xingchen’s heart is beating so fast he feels dizzy. “You almost died, Chengmei—”

“So did you.”

Xiao Xingchen pinches his temples. “You shouldn’t have shoved me out of the way. The boar—the boar gored you—”

“Just a flesh wound.”

“We—we should go back to its lair when we’re better, bury the bones—”

Chengmei snickers. “ ‘Lair’?”

“As soon as you’re stronger, we’ll go back.”

“I’m fine now.”

“How many stitches did you need?” An inane question, but something simple he can use to ground himself. It’s starting to sink in now, his mind fully clearing: his blindness in the face of the beast, the boar’s agonized bellow, the fear in Chengmei’s voice—

He had almost lost him tonight. All because Xingchen had insisted on going night-hunting, continuing to push his own egotistical agenda on Chengmei despite the fact that he couldn’t see, selfishly endangering everyone around him. What had he expected to happen?

“Didn’t exactly stitch myself up,” Chengmei says. Lost in his own thoughts, Xingchen had almost forgotten his own question. “I sealed up my meridians, so it’s just pain, and I can handle pain.”

Xiao Xingchen reaches out again, touching Chengmei’s arm, and Chengmei inhales sharply.

“Your arm!”

He imagines Chengmei wrinkling his nose. “Well, the boar did a poor job of killing me, but an excellent job of shattering my arm. You know how it is.”

“I certainly don’t know how it is!”

“Left arm,” says Chengmei, as if that makes it better.

Xiao Xingchen is not a hugger, but he has a sudden overwhelming urge to fold Chengmei in his arms, hold him till Chengmei understands that this is not a normal way to react to grievous bodily injury.

“Not the first time it’s happened, and not the last,” Chengmei says, and Xiao Xingchen reaches out to take his good hand.

“I’m going to set your arm and stitch you up,” he says, “and then you are going to eat and go to sleep.”

“Fine, have it your way,” says Chengmei, teasing, but Xiao Xingchen does not smile.

He does not smile as he fashions a splint for Chengmei’s arm, or mops the blood from Chengmei’s torso, stitches the deep gashes in Chengmei’s side, or as he fastens the bandages around Chengmei’s middle.

“—nasty-looking bugger; I think it was some kind of boar crossed with a wolf, twisted and bloated by some kind of magic—it was powerful enough to mask its energy; that’s probably why Shuanghua didn’t sense it—”

Xiao Xingchen barely hears him. His heart is beating fast, and he’s so distracted by the fact that Chengmei almost died trying to save his life that he reaches up to adjust his blindfold and leaves a smear of wetness across his cheek.

The last of his clean blindfolds.

Another inane thought.

He’ll have to wash it out in the morning—

“All done? It was nothing, really.” Chengmei’s hand is on his arm. He’s very close to Xiao Xingchen as they sit on the edge of the bed, so close Xiao Xingchen can feel the brush of his shoulder against his. He radiates warmth, and Xiao Xingchen, perpetually cold, is seized again by a fierce desire to wrap him in his arms, curl into his heat, whisper to him that of course it matters if his arm is broken—

“You need to be more careful,” is all that comes out.

“I give you my solemn word that next time we go night-hunting, I won’t let you get knocked out again.”

Xiao Xingchen isn’t sure if he’s baiting him on purpose or if he genuinely means it. “I mean you need to take care of yourself.”

“Bathe more often. Got it.”

“Can’t you be serious for once?” Xiao Xingchen's voice is sharper than he intends, but it’s too late to take that back now. “If you were to be killed, I—”

“—would have one less mouth to feed.”

Xiao Xingchen grips Chengmei’s good wrist. “Chengmei—”

Chengmei laughs, bending his head slightly, his silky hair sliding over the gap in Xiao Xingchen’s open inner robe, tickling his chest.

“Chengmei, please be serious for once. If you were to be—”

“You look so pretty with blood on your face,” Chengmei interrupts, and that does something to Xingchen, sends a quivery rush of heat through his body. Chengmei slides to the floor, kneeling before him, trembling good hand resting lightly on his knee.

“I—”

Cheingmei's hand moves up his leg, finds Xingchen's hand gripping the blankets on the edge of the bed, strokes it gently, fingertip sliding over the sensitive skin between his fingers, over his palm.

Xiao Xingchen swallows hard. He’s trembling too now, heart pounding, the warmth flowing through his limbs gathering to pulse gently in one confusing, embarrassing place.

“Ever done this before?” Chengmei asks, almost murmurs. His voice is a mere shadow of its usual blunt, teasing self.

Xingchen twists at the sheets with his free hand, trying to keep his voice steady. He must be mistaken. Concussed, perhaps. Hallucinating. The pulse between his legs has become a throb, and that’s not helping his perception of things, either. “No, it’s not something I…get…get up, Chengmei, we were having a serious conversation. If you were to be seriously hurt, I don’t know what I’d—”

Again Chengmei cuts him off before he can finish. “You almost died tonight, daozhang. Let me take care of you.”

“That’s not what—” He gasps slightly as Chengmei’s hand moves back to his leg, creeps over his inner thigh, just grazing the half-hard flesh he wishes he could somehow hide.

Heat rises in his cheeks. He wants to pull away, cover it before Chengmei notices, but there’s a brush of fabric, a whisper of warmth breath, and then his half-hard—his half-hard cock is plunged in wet heat.

“I’m—I’m not—”

The wet heat disappears. “Is that a no?”

“It’s—” And suddenly all he wants is a return of the wet heat. Proof that Chengmei is still alive, still warm. “I’ll tell you when to stop,” he says. Trying to compensate for his inexperience, it comes out more commandingly than intended, but Chengmei gives a little whine and eases Xiao Xingchen’s knees farther apart, his bad arm wrapped around one leg, good hand wandering, slipping underneath him, brushing the soft, sensitive spot he’s never thought of touching before, fondling his—

“Not there,” he wants to say, but all that comes out is a little whimper that sets a flush of shame rising in his already-hot cheeks. Reflexively he digs his fingers in Chengmei’s hair, tugging it slightly, and Chengmei gives a little moan that sends vibrations over his painfully hard cock.

Chengmei’s head is moving now, up and down, tongue gliding along the sides of his cock, sucking hard on the sensitive nerve bundle beneath the tip, taking him deep into his throat. Xiao Xingchen forgets to breathe as he digs his finger deeper in his hair, tugging it again, and Chengmei full-on gasps, throat clenching around Xiao Xingchen in rhythmic convulsions.

Xiao Xingchen comes, spilling deep into Chengmei’s throat. Chengmei swallows, an embarrassingly filthy wet choking sound, and Xiao Xingchen pulls his head off of his cock.

“I’m so sorry—” he starts, but then he’s on his back on the bed, and Chengmei is kissing a string of bruises into his throat, branding Xiao Xingchen.

“Good thing A-Qing isn’t home,” Chengmei whispers, and Xiao Xingchen laughs, shame gone.

“Let me try it,” he whispers. He feels like his bones have been ripped out, limbs calm and relaxed, but his heart is still fluttering.

The kisses stop. “Try what?”

“Lie down.”

“You don’t have to—”

“I want to.”

“You want to?”

Xiao Xingchen’s heart thuds against his bruised ribcage. His hands are shaking slightly, and he hopes Chengmei doesn’t notice. “Yes.”

“I…”

“Let me try.”

And then Chengmei is on his back, and Xiao Xingchen is trailing his lips down his bruised chest, down his naval, working himself up to do the thing he’s afraid of wanting as much as he does.

A tinge of shame returns. To want to do something like this—

But Chengmei is warm, Chengmei is alive, Chengmei is his.

He takes Chengmei’s cock in his hand, squeezing it gently, examining it with his fingers, rubbing his fingers along the hot, firm sides, smearing it with the little pearls of moisture leaking from the tip. He’s never been so close to another man’s cock before. A new pulse rises between his legs, prickles over his legs, clouds his thoughts with renewed need—

And then Chengmei’s cock is in Xiao Xingchen’s mouth, a living thing, silk-smooth and pulsing with life.

It fills more of his mouth than he’d expected. Thicker, hotter. Heavy on his tongue, pressing up against the back of his throat, making his eyes tear up and jaws ache.

“You don’t have to—” Chengmei whispers, fingers of his good hand tracing the top of Xiao Xingchen’s blindfold, thumb stroking the bridge of his nose, and Xiao Xingchen makes a little humming sound to let him know that it’s all right, that he wants to do this—

Chengmei pulls him off his cock moments before he comes, ejaculating into his own hand.

A flash of disappointment, as if he’d wanted to take Chengmei deeper into him, swallow him down, ingest him, absorb him.

Bind him to him.

He bends down to lap at the wetness slicking Chengmei’s cock, cleaning it with his tongue. Chengmei gives a little whimper but doesn’t push him away. Xiao Xingchen licks at the cum, thoroughly cleaning him before turning to Chengmei’s hand.

Chengmei, who has been lying very still, breath coming in soft little starts, suddenly comes to life. “Don’t—”

“It’s fine.”

“But—”

“Shhh. I want to.”

Carefully, Xiao Xingchen runs his tongue over Chengmei’s palm. It tastes of blood and the salty tang of his cum. He cleans the palm, between the fingers, taking two fingers into his mouth when he’s done. He likes the feel of having Chengmei inside him again, even just his fingers. Warm, alive —

Chengmei raises his legs slightly, framing Xiao Xingchen between his thighs. He tilts his knee, sliding his foot under Xiao Xingchen’s groin. He moves his finger inside Xingchen’s mouth, sliding over Xiao Xingchen’s tongue, soft and slow. Xiao Xingchen sucks harder, rolling his hips into Chengmei’s ankle, one hand on his knee, the other on his hip.

He doesn’t quite come, not so soon after his last climax, but the friction feels good against his groin, Chengmei’s legs solid against his sides, the pain of his bruises reminding him of how fortunate he is to have Chengmei here, Chengmei beneath him.

He releases Chengmei’s finger and inches up to lie beside him. Chengmei rolls into him, nuzzling his throat with his nose.

“If your body is shattered in six places, we can’t do that again,” Xiao Xingchen murmurs into his hair. Chengmei’s heart, pounding against his chest, beats faster, but Chengmei’s tone is his usual flippant one as he asks, “Again?”

“If you promise to take better care of yourself. No more stunts.”

“I promise. Word of honor.”

“That’s what you said when you swore you’d stop teasing A-Qing.”

Chengmei laughs, the vibrations soothing Xiao Xingchen’s aching ribs. “Yeah, but I actually mean it this time.”

Shaking his head, but smiling to himself, Xiao Xingchen pulls him closer.

* * * *

Chengmei is up before him that afternoon. He’s prepared a meal of eggplant and rice he just saves from scorching, something he only manages about half the time. Xiao Xingchen isn’t sure what there is in the Coffin House to get diverted by, but Chengmei is easily distracted.

“And then I have a surprise for you,” he tells Xiao Xingchen. He rocks back and forth on his chair the whole meal—he’s never been good at sitting still—and jumps up to clear the dishes when Xiao Xingchen has finished eating.

Xiao Xingchen sits and lets him despite Chengmei’s broken arm, afraid of mentioning the injury and bringing up what had happened the night before. Everything is all so—so normal, and he’s afraid that if he so much as asks Chengmei how he’s feeling, the spell will break, or worse yet, last night will have been revealed to have been a dream.

“I brought you this,” Chengmei says when he’s finished, setting something down on the table. He takes Xiao Xingchen’s hand and lays it on the pouch set down on the table, then pulls his hand away quickly, as if the touch of Xingchen’s skin is something forbidden.

An awkward silence. The warmth of Chengmei’s touch lingers on Xiao Xingchen’s hand—

Xiao Xingchen reaches up, lays the hand on Chengmei’s elbow, and the awkwardness is dispelled as if it had never been there. Chengmei leans over his shoulder, reaching around him. His cheek grazes Xingchen’s, as warm as his hand had been.

“I removed the beast’s core last night,” he says. “It was a spirit beast, the first I’ve seen in years. The core is strong. You can—you know, take it, use it to make spiritual tools or whatever…” He pulls away, and Xiao Xingchen quickly turns to glance sightlessly up at him over his shoulder.

"A real core?"

"As real as they come."

It’s an impressive gift, the core. The spirit beast’s magical essence, it can be used in elixirs and spiritual tools. Xingchen has never encountered a beast with a core potent enough to do more than make healing draughts and powders, but he can sense the thrum of power clean through the containing pouch.

Instinctively he knows that this is more than a mere gift. That for someone like Chengmei—a survivor, a forager, a scrounger, a child of the streets—to give up such an advantage, something that he could use—

He rises, pouch in hand, and lays the other on Chengmei’s shoulder.

“Thank you, A-Mei,” he says.

He has nothing to give Chengmei in return except for that—“A-Mei”—but it seems to be enough.

Silence. And then, “Well, I’d best be letting you play with your new toy,” says Chengmei. “Be careful with it. It’s got more malevolent energy than I’ve seen anywhere for a while. You wouldn’t want a corrupted spiritual tool killing you in your sleep, would you?”

“Could that actually happen?”

“I wouldn’t let it happen,” says Chengmei, a bit too emphatically, and he slips out of the house as if he’s said too much.

Xiao Xingchen sits back down. He wants to rush out after Chengmei, plead with him to be careful, to not exert himself with his wounded side and broken arm, but instead he smiles fondly after him, hoping he’s looking over his shoulder, and turns to the pouch.

After a moment he rises, rummages through Chengmei’s small store of things. Normally he would never look through his things—(“Look.” Ha. What would Chengmei have to say to that?) but this is going to be a gift for Chengmei, as he’s not so presumptuous to think a pet name is much of a gift.

But this will help him keep Chengmei safe, and he would do anything to keep Chengmei safe.

Carefully, he cuts a paperman out of Chengmei’s talisman paper and lays it flat on his hand.

He’d only done this once before, under Shifu’s supervision, and it had drained his spiritual powers for a week afterward.

He’s stronger now than he was then, but he still knows the dangers of being trapped outside his body, of fracturing his mind between two loci, of the damage to his psyche if the paperman is harmed while he’s still in it.

He hasn’t dared risk anything like this since losing his eyes. He’s relied too heavily on his spiritual energy to find his way around and defend himself to risk losing it for a week. Had no one to protect his body while he was in the paperman, keep him from the thousand dangers of the road.

But he has a home now, and he can rely on Chengmei to look after him if he drains his powers for a few days. And he doesn’t think he will drain them—the beauty of the core is that it will provide an alternate source of power for the consciousness transfer.

Or rather, consciousness splitting.

If all goes well, he can split his consciousness between his body and the paperman on night-hunts, seeing through the paperman’s eyes, being able to see threats, monsters, demons, beasts, defend himself and Chengmei, so that last night’s events will never be repeated.

And—he can’t help but blush at the thought—he’ll finally get to see what Chengmei looks like. It’s not as if it matters to him. Chengmei is Chengmei. He’s his, no matter what. He already knows he’s good looking, going by overheard scraps of conversation, but that had meant nothing to him as a blind man, and he knows it will mean nothing even after he sees his face.

But to be able to gaze upon his face as he lies next to him in bed, look across the table at him at dinner, see the light catching in his eye as he laughs, finally see the smile that sounds so very infectious—

It’s worth the risk involved in splitting his consciousness between his body and the paperman.

And the risk in using the malevolent core. Chengmei was right—there’s a strong dark energy in the deceptively bright and golden core.

But he can handle it. Use the light, leave the darkness in the pouch.

He wonders how long he has till Chengmei returns. He checks the shelf—so he took a basket with him, that must mean he was going to the market. Not something he should be doing in his state, but at least it gives Xiao Xingchen a bit more time before he’s expected back.

He sits cross-legged on the mediation mat beside his old coffin—they really ought to move that out, make more room in the house—what will they tell A-Qing?—he’ll leave that up to Chengmei—he doesn’t think she’ll care much, but they’ll have to swear to secrecy; he can’t imagine the neighbors will like having two cut-sleeves in their town—

He takes a deep breath, trying to order his thoughts, but for once they refuse to be calmed.

Is he a cut-sleeve? Is that what this is? Outside friendship, he'd never had so much as a flicker of interest in anyone before, man or woman, but he’d taken an innate interest in women for granted. He should go back and examine the last ten years of his life, recontextualize the last fifteen years of his life, see if there were signs, revisit his time with Song Lan—

Another deep breath. None of this matters now. What matters is that Chengmei will be home soon, and Xiao Xingchen wants to surprise him. And how now Xingchen willl be able to examine last night’s stitches, make sure the splint is in correctly place, ensure that Chengmei heals properly.

Eat dinner on the porch, watching the sunset together.

See the moon.

Lie on his back, looking up at the stars....

Best not think about that. Best not get his hopes up in case he fails—

He does not fail.

It’s like a red-hot razor is slicing slivers from his brain, carving it in half. He’s about to cry out when the agonizing pain is gone and only the heat remains.

His own face looks down at him, its wide mouth hanging open slightly, eyebrows raised above the blood-streaked blindfold.

He drops the paperman in shock, and the room dips and whirls around him. Dizzied by the sense of motion despite being still, he immediately bends down to snatch at the fluttering paperman, stop its fall. It eludes him as, nausesous, he watches his giant hand snatch at his paperman face like an enormous white hawk grasping at its prey—

He slams his head into the table and falls off his chair.

Sitting on the floor with the paperman tucked safely in his robe, queasy with motion sickness, he laughs to himself at his own clumsiness.

He can see.

Xingchen is about to rise, look around, examine every nook and cranny of his suddenly-new home, when he hears off-key whistling from outside.

His pulse quickens. Chengmei is home, sooner than expected—

Chengmei steps over the threshold.

“I’m back, daozhang!” he calls. “Where are you hiding? I bought you some fresh apples; I thought we could cook them in honey or something, maybe add some sweet wine—”

Xiao Xingchen gazes at him in mute horror through the paperman’s eyes.

It’s him.

That’s Chengmei’s voice. His familiar cheerful, irreverent voice.

But the face—

Xiao Xingchen leaps to his feet, stumbling backwards over the chair and falling in a tangle of limbs to the floor.

Chengmei—not Chengmei—the imposter—is beside him in a moment, apples rolling across the floor and smashed egg oozing from the dropped basket.

“Daozhang!” He lifts him to his feet with his customary combination of gentleness and roughness. “I knew I shouldn’t leave you alone with your head injury!”

Xiao Xingchen’s knees give way. “I’m—I’m—you—”

Chengmei—the imposter—Xue Yang’s—eyes are wide. “What is it?”

“I—you—”

“Lean on me, daozhang. I’ll help you to bed.” Looping Xiao Xingchen’s arm over his shoulder, Xue Yang half-carries him to bed. The paperman is nestled inside Xingchen’s robe, vibrating against his skin. “You just lie there, and I’ll peel you some apples. Perk you up a little. Maybe don’t go to sleep for a bit, I once half-cracked my skull, and I passed out in a ditch, and when I woke up I—”

Xiao Xingchen doesn’t hear the rest of his story. Weak with horror, he stares at Xue Yang as he slices apples at the table, holding the fruit steady with the elbow of his bad arm.

Bad arm. The arm with the hand that—that—

He hadn’t felt the glove the night before. Xue Yang must have taken it off.

Taken it off when they had—

He rolls over on his side and vomits into the water jug.

* * *

Like it? AO3

#xiao xingchen #xue yang #xuexiao #yi city #you look so pretty with blood on your face #lotus writes #mdzs fanfiction #cql fanfic

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bridgyrose · 4 years ago

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Hi, I hope you're having a nice day :)

Snowfall prompt?

Cinder leaves Salem and starts working with the good guys but they are all, understandably, still suspicious of her and she's also very cold and reserved. She goes on a mission with Winter and is forced (by Salem or maybe someone else) to remember her past in Atlas, revealing it to Winter in the process.

After they finish their mission they go back to the place where they're currently staying (hotel room, one bed situation maybe) and Cinder can't hide all her feelings of hurt resurfacing after remembering such a traumatic event in her life. Winter, although still resenting Cinder for all she had done to her and the people she cared about, decides to put that aside for the moment and comfort her the best she can because she understands how such an unfair treatment could have caused Cinder to be the way is today and how much strength it must take Cinder to try to overcome her past and do the right thing.

Cinder sighed and sat down on her bed, wiping tears from her eyes. The mission was supposed to be a simple one: go into Beacon and search for the relic. With Winter helping her, clearing out the grimm was supposed to go easy. But nothing could’ve prepared her to face… that.

Winter sat down next to her and put a hand on her shoulder. “Everything okay?”

“They… they still hate me…”

“They dont hate you. Worried you’re still going to hurt them, but they dont hate you.”

Cinder nodded, shaking a bit as she wiped a few more tears from her eyes. “R-right…”

Winter went silent, awkwardly sitting next to Cinder for a few minutes. “There’s… something else, isnt there?”

Cinder didnt answer at first, trying to hold back her emotions. But that grimm they faced and the gas it let out, those visions of what happened to her… all of it became too much. Tears streamed down her face as she broke down into sobs, unable to hold anything back. She had thought she was over her past. That she could no longer be hurt by it. But seeing it all happen again, watching herself get shocked while Rhodes stood by doing nothing, the Madame and the look she had every time she punished Cinder, even her step sisters… all of it hurt to see again. The scarring around her neck burned as if someone was shocking her all over again.

Winter sighed and awkwardly pulled Cinder into a hug, rubbing her back. “It’ll be okay. We’re safe here. I’m… I’m not sure what you saw while fighting that grimm, but whatever it was, its not real.”

“It… was though…” Cinder wiped away a few tears, moving the collar of her shirt to show the scarring around her neck. “I… I was used as a slave when I was younger. Abused for the littlest of mistakes. One day after being shocked, I hid away and stole a hunter’s weapons. For a moment, I thought I had finally found my way out of there, at least until he caught me. But then, he started training me. I wanted to be a hunter like him one day so I could never feel powerless. But one day… I just… I couldnt take it anymore and snapped.”

Winter hesitated as she listened to Cinder, realizing her upbringing wasnt all that different from her own. “Just couldnt take it anymore, could you?”

Cinder shook her head. “The madame and my step sisters found the swords my mentor gave to me. And then she punished me for what felt like hours. When I couldnt take it anymore, I… I just…” The memories of that night started running through her mind again, the way it felt to break the necks of her family, the pain she felt from the repeated shocking even after she put up her aura, how good it felt to finally have the power for a little freedom. “I killed them. My mentor walked in as I killed the madame and he… he was so disappointed in me. Instead of trying to help me, he drew his swords and then told me all I’d ever do is run now.” Cinder took a few deep breaths, trying to keep herself calm, her hand starting to heat up. “I ended up killing him too. I didnt… I didnt want to, but I was afraid and angry and… and I… I couldnt-”

“You did what you had to after he didnt give you a chance.” Winter sighed and looked over to Cinder, feeling torn between hating her and feeling sorry for her. “As a huntsman, he should’ve tried to get you out, although I know the laws for Atlas dont exactly make that easy. I think I understand now why you’ve been with Salem for so long. The power she promised to you, it was for your freedom, wasnt it?”

Cinder nodded, looking at her prosthetic and creating a small fireball in her hand, cooling it off into ice. “She found me a couple years after all of that, offering to train me as long as I helped her bring about a new world order. That there was power I could have that would make sure I could never fear losing my freedom. What I didnt realize was that she was basically the same as the madame. All I did was trade one mistress for another, being punished the same way unless she needed me. And I kept trying to justify every reason I had to stay with her.”

“Until she abandoned you.”

Cinder nodded, looking back down to the ground and dropping her ice ball, letting it shatter. “Until she abandoned me, left for dead at your mercy.”

“Then we’ll try to make things right.” Winter took Cinder’s hand and held it tightly. “I can only judge you from what I’ve seen, and Ruby’s made it clear that you will have to atone for what you’ve done. And to start, I’m going to give you the chance you were denied before. To let you prove yourself.”

Cinder looked over to Winter, slightly confused by why she’d do that for her. “You… You really mean it?”

“I do. Everyone deserves a second chance. Especially someone who was denied a first.”

Cinder immediately hugged Winter, starting to sob into her shoulder. “Thank you. I… thank you.”

Winter smiled softly, rubbing Cinder’s back. “Just dont make me regret this.”

#rwby #cinder fall #winter schnee #drabbles #cinwin #snowfall #hurt/comfort

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rosierocks30 · 4 years ago

Text

Chapter 11: The Coup D'état

Reiner hasn’t seen Mikasa for a week since their unexpected encounter. All he could think about was the way her soft lips crashed into his. As a Marleyan warrior, he shouldn’t have these thoughts towards his enemy, but as a man, it’s so tempting to expand his forbidden thoughts about the female Ackerman. He remembers when he and his comrades went on their mission to retrieve the Founding Titan from the Paradis Eldians, he met Mikasa at a military academy and his crush for her grew when she spared him and took him down. He admired her strength and talents from being an excellent soldier. He felt she had so much potential, but with Eren it was hard for her to focus on her priorities.

Sure he was jealous a little bit, but he believed Mikasa could grow to her full potential which a week ago, Reiner saw what she was capable of doing. He saw another side of her personality that she rarely shows to anyone.

Right now, he kept replaying on that day when Mikasa kissed him. Just thinking of the way they kissed was very enjoyable and passionate, especially for two former comrades now enemies.

The Armored Titan holder was lost in his thoughts as he’s with his family having a late lunch. Gabi, his cousin telling interesting tales during her training. His other relatives praised her while his mother was staring at him with concern.

“Reiner? Are you alright?” His mother interrupted his daydream. Reiner’s cheeks were now flushed embarrassedly.

“Yes, mother. I’m alright. I just had a lot of things on my mind.” He tried to stay cool. The rest of his family gave an ‘are you sure’ look.

“Are you sure, son? You just have that look that I used to do that when I thought about your father.” Ms. Braun's voice was low. Reiner glanced up at his mother then sighed as he got up from his chair.

“I’m fine, mother. I had a lot on my mind because we’re going to the shoreline tomorrow to prepare for the invasion soon.” He said.

Ms. Braun seems not convinced, but she lets him off as he gets up from his seat. “Are you heading back to the base?”

“Yes, I need to prepare for tomorrow. Gabi, you can enjoy a little more time here before you have to come back soon for tomorrow.” The titan shifter looked at his cousin who nodded.

“Well, thank you for the lovely meal mother. I will definitely miss your home cooked meal and uncle and auntie, it’s good to see you both again.” He smiles at each of them.

“Wait son, let me pack you up some leftovers so you can enjoy it on the trip to the shoreline.” Ms. Braun gets up quickly to go pack up some leftovers for his son, but add more to share with his close comrades. His soldiers always praised how good his mother’s home cooked meals were.

The blonde haired man goes towards the kitchen where his mother is packing up some food for him. “Reiner, I know you have a lot of plate in you, but I’m asking a favor from you to find a girl. I don’t care...where she’s from as long, she makes you happy.”

Reiner was surprised by his mother’s words. Usually, she always told him to find a good respectable Eldian girl even though she prefers a Marleyan girl, but that sounds too far fetched for him to be with. With years passed, his time is running out. Soon in a year, he will be dead by the titan's curse and have to pass it on to his successor.

“Mother, what are you trying to say?” He finally broke his silence.

“I want a grandchild. I understand this will be unfair for you and the potential mother of your child, but hear me out my son. I may push you to be in the warriors program so our family can be citizens. I want to say, I’m sorry, Reiner …for letting my ambition put on you. I was so hurt and in denial when your father stopped this secret affair. I thought being citizens will make him come back to me and be a family like I’ve dreamed. Every time I count the days when you’re about to die, I cry...from the guilty making my only child go through hell. I’m sorry for causing you pain, my precious son. I love you so much. Please, if you can make time, find a girl that makes you happy and have a child. I promise you that I will accept the mother of your child with open arms and treat her as my daughter. Your child will be raised with love and knowing its father died as a hero.” She cupped her son’s face to stare into his eyes.

Reiner scoffs that his mother mentions him as a hero. He didn’t feel like a hero when reality had hit him hard during the time of the Trost District invasion of the Titans. He started to have nightmares. At first it was the loss of his comrades Marcel Gaillard, Porco Gaillard’s older brother, the last holder of the Jaw Titan before Ymir ate him and stole the Jaw titan from him on the island. Porco had resented him because of his brother’s death.

“Reiner, you may not think you’re a hero but you are. Your loyalty to our Motherland Marley proves you will sacrifice for your country, comrades, our people and the Marleyan who had discriminated against us for years. With you, you have shown there are good Eldians; not the devils from Paradis.” Ms Braun’s tone brings some comfort in Reiner from the deeds he had done in the past.

“Mother, if I already had in mind who has my heart, will you keep your promise once I die?” He said

His mother smiled in joy from hearing this. “Oh son, so there is a girl in your life. Yes, I will keep my promise.”

“Even if it’s an enemy?” He dropped the news on to her. Now, his mother became quiet. He knew it that she would not keep her promise.

“Is she with a child?” She finally answered.

“No, we...I just saw her a week ago and….my old feelings for her had resurfaced. I thought I would grow out of it once I got back home. Instead I deeply buried these feelings since she’s an enemy and also her heart belonged to someone else at that time. I can’t keep her out of my mind. I tried mother, but if you knew her; she’s compassionate, fierce, strong, loyal, kind and also protective. Did you know she saved Gabi from getting killed by one of her comrades when Eren Jaeger attacked Liberio? She doesn’t see us, not even Marleyans as enemies. She fights to protect. I’m tired of denying my feelings for her. I want my last year on earth to have that small happiness. With that I see Mikasa Ackerman as my happiness.” he took a deep breath after his passionate speech.

“I see...this Mikasa is related to that Ackerman monster?” Reiner was confused about what his mother meant, but remember Zeke mentioned to the higher ups that they all need to beware Captain Levi Ackerman who is a monster when it comes to fighting. He agrees with Zeke that the Captain of the Survey Corps is a bloodlust killing machine. Heck, he had nightmares because of the captain.

“Yes, she is his distant relative, but how do you know about the Ackermans?” He questioned his mother.

“Let’s just say, I know how to retain information from the military when it’s necessary.” She said.

“Mother, that’s treason.” He whispered.

“And you falling for the enemy isn’t not treason? I did it because you had me worried the way you scream at night from terrors and I read on your report that you attempt to shoot yourself. I am scared for you, but like I said. I take mostly blame on myself for making you lead that path. I will do what it takes for you. It won’t make up completely what i made you do but it’s a start. Now, about that Mikasa girl. If you believe she will make you happy then you have my blessing. Just please both of you be careful ok. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you, son.” Her hand caressing her son’s cheek.

“I will be careful, but first I need to confront her about my old feelings for her.” He said.

“Well, you better because I still want a grandchild. Here, I pack enough for your friends and some extra if you meet up with the girl again.” She said with a smile then gave a paper bag with containers of leftovers to him.

“Oh god mother.” He blushed and took the big brown paper bag.

“I love you mother. I promise I will come back home alive to spend my last moments with you guys.” He smiled and hugged her.

“ I love you sweetheart. Please take care and take care of Gabi. She’s still a child.” She said.

“Of course I will. Goodbye...mom.” He whispered then exited through the back door and walked around to walk through the sidewalk.

Reiner enjoyed walking down the streets whether it’s empty or crowded. The nostalgia feeling rushed in when he glanced at all the spots he had hung out with his old friends and new. He will miss home and the people who were busy with their daily lives. There are some destroyed buildings from the surprise attack by Eren that haven't been reconstructed yet.

The Eldian blonde man was now glancing up at the blue sky until he saw a very familiar figure up at the roof jumping from roof to roof. Seriously, why isn’t Mikasa being decree? Is she trying to get herself spotted? He stopped to see her staring down at him. He doesn’t know whether he should ignore her for now. Well, his mother did pack some for Mikasa, maybe having lunch with her will get her to lose her guard with him. He goes to find a ladder that's connected to the roof where Mikasa is staring down at him. Her eyes kind of glow silver which scares him a bit, but also feels intrigued.

Finally he reaches to the top of the roof and sees Mikasa a bit far distant with her hoodie covering the top half of face. Her jet black bangs flow delicately from the breeze. His mind definitely wasn’t playing tricks when he stared at her silver glowing eyes. Reiner began to walk towards her. At first, she was about to spring off from him; but he gently used his hands to make a surrender gesture for her.

“Hey I'm not here to chase after you. I’m here for a peace offer.” He waved the big brown paper bag at her.

When the smell of a home cooked meal reached to her nostrils, her stomach growled from hunger. She blushed from feeling hungry. Mikasa pulled off her hoodie to reveal her face towards him. “This isn’t a trick right? Because i won’t hesitate to kill you this time if you do.” She warned him.

“I swear on my honor, this is not a trick. I just thought two adults having lunch on a nice clear day.” He said truthfully.

Mikasa contemplates whether to risk it and take his offer or just run away. “Fine I guess having lunch with an old friend is acceptable, but can I trust you if I show you my hideout?”

Reiner sighed. “Yes, you can trust me. I would have already tried to capture you by now.”

“Hmm fair point. Just don’t make me regret it ok. Follow me. I’ll show you my little temporary place.” Mikasa began to hop on the other rooftop which Reiner groaned but thank goodness with his titan strength he managed to catch up with her.

Finally they reached their destination. An old abandoned building was far apart from the city limit. Reiner felt they passed the internment zone where they segregated Eldians like him from the Marleyan citizens. It felt like no man's land.

“This is a good hideout.” He said.

“Yeah, I need a good place not to be seen.” She made a scoff sound then used her strength to move the heavy cemented flat block to reveal a hole enough for them to get through. Both entered into the hole then Mikasa once again closed the entrance and used candle lights to brighten the room. It's dark here, but there’s a stairway which Mikasa leads him upstairs until there is brightness from the daylight. He saw a bed and a small desk with a little feminine touch. The view was beautiful since he can see the rest of the city far away. Mikasa blows her candle light which he does the same.

She took off her boots and sat on her bed. “Sorry I don’t have a table for us to eat. Just take off your shoes and join me on the bed.” the way she said it made Reiner blushed.

He took off his shoes and went to bed. Reiner placed the bag on the bed and opened it which the aroma of the food spread around the room. “So, what did your family cook? Because it smells good.” She said.

He took out containers of the different kinds of dishes his mother made. “My mother made a feast like lunch since Gabi and I are being shipped off to the shoreline soon.”

“Yes, I’m aware your armies are preparing to invade my home.” She said with a bit of a dark tone.

“Mikasa...I know this is too late but I’m sorry for what I did in the past. I was naïve and eager to please my superiors especially I made a promise to my mother that our family will be rewarded to become citizens. This war had opened up my eyes and the consequence. I hate the mindset the Eldians were taught to hate their own people across the sea. We are all the same. It's just a fucked up world that my people have to hate your people just to live.” While speaking his thoughts out, he prepared the right amount of food in one bowl his mother placed into the bag. Then he handed the bowl filled with food to Mikasa.

“Thank you.” She mumbled gratefully then took a bite. “Reiner, maybe the younger me would accept an apology, but you don’t need to because like you said, you were a child being upbrought with my people being the devils and your people just happened to carry the blood of the devils. You thought it was justifiable of what you, Annie, and Bertholdt did the day you and him broke into the Wall of Shiganshina. After that, that hatred infected my people in wanting to destroy all titans. So, I understand what you did was necessary and naïve if I would have been in your shoes. Now, I see a man with remorse and pain from the guilt you caused during that time. But if you need my forgiveness then you are forgiven. I believe us Eldians and against the world aren’t the real villains since the real ones cause this long history of bloodshed and pain. This is one of the reasons why I joined the Brotherhood of the Creed. I learnt the truth of the history both sides were lied to.”

Reiner already had his bowl with food in it while Mikasa was speaking. He glanced up in confusion. “What do you mean, Mikasa?”

“What I mean is the history we both know is not what it seems.” Mikasa gets up while holding on to her half empty bowl. She placed it on her desk then grabbed old artifact documents and placed it in front of Reiner.

“Huh? What’s this?” He stared down old documents on the bed.

“This is evidence that our history was lied to. Everything we knew was nothing but a lie.” Her tone became dark. “I didn’t want to believe it at first either but the facts never lie.”

Reiner stopped eating and placed his bowl on the ground. He grabbed one of the papers and read. He was surprised that he kept reading each paper to process this revelation in his mind.

“What did I just read, Mikasa? Don’t tell me that all the pain, blood, tears, and fears we Eldians and Marleyans endured was all just for these sick people’s ambition to rule the world? Who do these templars think they are?” His body was shaking from the anger building.

“They planted the seed of hate and fear on both the Fritz king and his concubine, Ymir the Founding Titan. You know how the legend goes when Ymir made a deal with the Earth Devil to receive the power of the titan?” She glanced at him.

“Well, the real lore was she went to the forest to get fresh berries and herbal plants like she would usually do then one day, Ymir was gathering more until she came across a device that’s not from this world. She touched it to see strange imaging in her mind and there was an object next to it. Ymir hears voices in her head whispering the promise of endless power and immortality. Of course, she was a slave to the king; she desperately made the deal without knowing the curse. Ymir had the power to have the world under her feet instead she let the king use her as a weapon to just protect from neighboring enemies. The templars heard stories of a woman turning a giant so they came here and that’s where they whisper to the king to conquer and the world will bow to him.”

Reiner listened to Mikasa. “So in order to take over the world they need to let chaos spread to manipulate how they see it fit?” he was trying to understand what he just found out.

“Yeah pretty much. Yet their ideology and the Order are still alive today. Some are disgusting as Paradisan citizens and some are very close to your military ranks.” She stared into him.

He gasped and grunted his teeth. “Fuck, this is too much.”

“It explains why this part of the world hasn’t advanced a lot for years. The other half of the world already have this device called cell phones.” She pulled out from her pocket a phone and let Reiner hold it.

He looked at it with curiosity and intrigue. “What does it do?”

“You can communicate from a very long distance but it needs satellites and the internet. I use this flat round device to recharge it. It’s how I keep my contact with my higher rank.” Mikasa said while watching Reiner touching the screen and his eyes lit up like a child. Low key a smile appears on her lips as she finds it cute.

“Why are you telling me all this?” He stopped and became serious.

“Because I feel you should know the truth. My gut feeling tells me to trust you so I did, plus you’re the only person I know in this place who will listen and consider. You did have the right to inform your superior about my appearance here, but you didn’t...why?” The titan shifter couldn’t help staring into her dark eyes. They are full of mystery. Reiner knew he'd get lost into them if he kept staring at them. No matter how she looked, he would always see her as a beautiful warrior.

“Because I don’t want anything bad to happen to you...I guess you can say; my old boy crush had resurfaced when I saw you again a week ago.” He was blushing from his confession.

Mikasa was surprised by this. Her cheeks were blushing too. “How long have you had this crush?”

“The first time we met when we became partners to spar. I had admired your strength. You made things look so effortless. I haven’t seen that since Captain Levi.” his tone became soft.

“Yeah, you might be surprised but captain midget and I are actually related. Apparently, when he found out his surname is also Ackerman; Commander Hange began to research our family genealogy. So, he’s my second cousin. We’re the only blood family we have. Well, I will be an auntie soon.” She brushed her bang to the side to see him better.

“Wow, that explains so much the way you both have this similar intimidating look and your fighting style is very similar also.” Reiner carefully gathered the papers to place them on the ground.

“Pfft, first off, I’m better than him.” She mumbled.

“Already having a family rivalry going on?” he chuckled.

“I just hate to always be compared by him. I don’t want to be his shadow. I want to be just Mikasa.” She whispered.

“Hey, you two may have similarities but you are way different from him. He is always alone and you surround yourself with friends. You’re passionate, kind to others, but fierce in battle. You are protective of those you care about. You’ll be a wonderful badass mother one day.” Just the thought of her being a mother made his stomach flutter. Maybe only in his dreams, she would be round with his child.

“I….I mean being a mom would be something I always wanted to be if I survived this war.” Mikasa thought about motherhood for years. She thought once this hell is over maybe Eren would realize how much she loved him, but that idea died when her comrades recused Queen Historia from him and his older brother.

“You would look beautiful… even though you will always look beautiful no matter how you looked.” Again he blushed as he looked away.

“Reiner, are you proposing for me to have your child; it seems that way?” The dark haired beauty smirked teasingly.

“I- what? No! I mean I don’t want to put you in a situation where you will be alone with a child once I...passed away from the curse.” He became nervous.

“How long do you have until you're dead..?” Mikasa felt her heart squeeze from thinking about him already dying.

“A year.” He said in a low tone.

The Asian woman nodded from his response. “This probably shouldn’t be a good idea but we can try...if faith allows us to have a child then so be it. I want to be with a man who will love me for me and just make me feel I'm the only woman in this cruel world.” The assassin gently placed her hand on his lap.

The blonde man felt his heartbeat pound loudly. He can feel her hand gently slide up his thigh. His manhood woke up excitedly as it throb to be free from his trouser which it was getting tighter. “W-will you let me be that man?” His tone became husky.

As his tone got deep and raspy, Mikasa felt the warmth feeling below where her core pulsed with excitement. Now, her tone became seductive. “Yes, I can’t stop thinking about you since our encounter on the rooftop. Honestly, I wasn’t expecting the kiss to make me feel alive. Since then, just thinking of you made me feel a woman for once. I haven’t felt like this with anyone; not even with Eren.”

Reiner didn’t know what possessed him, but he boldly captured her lips with his passionately kissing Mikasa. The Paradisian woman was a bit startled, but adjusting the deep kiss quickly. Her hands cupped his cheeks while their tongue fought for domination. Mikasa shifted her body to sit on his lap while Reiner placed his hands on her waist. She could feel how his hands moved up and down her sides. Mikasa slowly begins to rock her body to grind on him. Reiner felt his cock throbbing hard. He let out a groan. They broke free from their kiss, but Renier hovers his lips on her neck.

Mikasa whimpered from the tease of his hot breath hitting on her skin. Her body started getting hotter so quickly she began to remove her assassin outfit. Reiner happily helped her. He now kisses and bites her neck as her outfit was discarded on the floor. Only her undergarment was still on.

“Am I the only man to make you feel this needy?” He growled low close to her ear.

“Mmm y-yes, you make me touch myself when I'm alone here.” Her moan was the most sexiest sound he ever heard.

“What a naughty girl you are?” He chuckled and let his finger hooked the hem of her panties to slide them off slowly. His other hand unhooked her bra as it fell off from her. Her breasts were exposed. He could see her nipples hard. Reiner let his hand gently massage both of her breasts.

Mikasa moaning increased. She closed her eyes to enjoy the pleasure of the way he touched her breasts. Slowly, her legs spread apart as her pussy produced more slick and the throb of her clitoris made it eager for her wanting attention down below.

Reiner other hand slides to grope her thigh then travels up to between her legs. His finger rubbed her clitoris which a wave of ecstasy spread in her body.

“Ohhhh yes Reiner….d-don’t s-stop p-please.” She kept moaning.

The blonde man is already busy suckling and licking both of her nipples one at a time. He took his time to taste her soft skin. He can’t believe it that he’s actually doing this with the woman he had a crush with. He enjoys her moans become louder while his fingering goes at a fast pace. Mikasa begins to rock her hips against her finger. He added two more into her hole. This drove her on the edge.

Mikasa may be high on getting finger fucked, but she glanced at him to see his clothes are not off. She let out an animalistic growl and undo clothes aggressively. Something deep in her subconscious awakened. A familiar voice whispered.

Claim him...claim mate now…

Reiner felt how she undo his clothes and removed them. Now equally, his body was exposed as Mikasa’s. His vision became clear from the pleasure he was giving to her. He noticed Mikasa’s eyes glowing silver. The titan shifter was hypnotized. His eyes glowed amber. Like animals, they wrestled for domination again.

There were biting, sucking, and scratching. Their moans and growls echoed in the abandonment building. Finally, Reiner had her on her hands and knees bend over. His grip was on her hips. Mikasa pressed her ass on his cock grinding to feel his precum pulsing shaft on her entrance.

“Fuck Mikasa, let me try to be gentle with you.” He groans.

Her head shook. “N-no, I don’t want you to be gentle...I want rough. I need your f-fucking thick meaty cock inside me!” She begged with a demanding tone.

“This is the first time you are becoming demanding.” He mumbled. “But…this is your first time? I don’t want to hurt you.” he said.

“I’m an Ackerman, pain is the least of my concerns. Please Reiner just fuck me. I have been wanting you all this week.” Her whimpers were visible.

He stopped her then spread her bottom cheeks to see how wet she was for him. He felt pride in what he had done to her. Already with his hard cock, he thrusted into her pussy.

Mikasa cried with joy and bliss from feeling his thick meaty cock stretching inside her walls. Her body shakes from the pleasure and an electric familiar feeling spread every inch of her body. She hasn’t felt this since her awakening when she lost her biological family.

Reiner growls and keeps thrusting into her harder. His body leaned on hers while fucking her as she demanded. The sound of slapping skins echoing the room. His lips kissed ferociously on her neck. He whispered sweet words and promises in her ear.

Mikasa sobbing with bliss as she listens to Reiner’s sweet words. She wants it all. She wants love, happiness, family, marriage, and him. Mostly him. Even though it's going to be for a year, she doesn’t care. As long she gets to be with him in those 12 months. Mikasa knows she’ll be ok if faith blesses her having his child.

(Somewhere in Wall Sina, Paradis Isle)

Levi was riding his horse back to the Orphanage. He had finished all his assassin’s duties to finally come home to Historia. As he got closer to the familiar roads, far in the horizon; Levi saw black smoke in the sky. His sense started to pick up the burning scent. His heart dropped when the location was where the Orphanage is. The raven haired man kicked his horse to gallop faster to the smoke location.

When the view of the property became near, he saw it was the building along the cottage that both him and Historia put time and enough. He got off his horse and ran toward the heated area.

“Historia! Historia!” Levi screamed desperately for his wife. Maybe she hid herself along with the kids and the caretakers. Whoever does this they will pay with their lives? The place was black like charcoal. There were some small fires but it’s dying down. The captain walked through the Orphanage first. God, he hopes there’s no bodies here.

He saw the second floor gone. The rumbles of burnt wood and other materials laid on the ground. Levi carefully removes the things to spot anything who has done this. He lifts a pile and sees what he fears. Few burnt bodies. Most of them were adults, but one child lay crouching. For almost nine months, Levi had begun feeling fatherly. It angered him that probably a group or one person did this sinister act. He saw a shiny silver that caught his attention. Levi picked it up and brushed off the ashes to see it was the Templar cross.

“Those fucking bastards!” He gripped tightly the cross. As he glanced at it, the cross was dented from his strength. He placed it into his pocket to have as evidence. If there were only a few that died, where are the rest of them? He goes to the stables.

Levi reached to the stables to see it was untouched. He walked in and heard noises from under.

“Come out now.” He said sternly.

A tiny head pops out from the stack of hays. “Captain Levi you’re back!”

The little girl Kathy ran towards him to hug him tightly while sobbing. “Where are the others?” He changed his tone a bit softer for the crying child.

The child glanced at the captain when he kneel down to eye level her. “S-some were burnt...others were shot and thrown into the lake. Only us hid in the hays. Historia was taken by the bad men...one of them called Zeke.”

That fucking piece of shit Zeke. He was behind on all this. Levi tried to remain calm since he doesn’t want to scare the kid.

He heard shuffle from the hays and the rest of the children came out. Thank fucking Walls the children survived. They probably killed the adults. This time he won’t fail both Erwin and Historia. Zeke Jaeger will die by his blades.

“Come kids, let’s head to town. I’ll make sure you’re all safe.” The assassin had bottled up his bloodlust rage. He can’t go on the rampage yet. The kids need to be safe first. His titan wanted to come out.

Those fuckers. They will meet their death. How dare they kidnap our queen. We must go after her to protect her and our offspring.

“We will but let's take the kids first.” He whispers which only Iapetus heard in his subconscious.

“Captain? Who are you talking to?” Kathy looked at Levi curiously.

“No one, kiddo.” His eyes reflect silver which Kathy felt a bit frightened, but she knows the captain won’t harm her and the kids. He’s a good guy. A hero. A knight especially to Historia.

He gathered the surviving children. Levi noticed there are still two horses in the stable. He goes to the animals and takes them out to prepare the saddles. Once the horses are ready, he leads both the children and the horses where his horse awaits for him.

“OK only some of you will ride on the horses. The little ones will go on them including mine. The oldest I’m sure you guys can walk until we reach the next town.” He stared at the kids. Some were still shaken up from the event earlier.

He helped the smallest kids into threes on all the three horses. Only a few kids are a bit older from 7 to 13. The thirteen year old was holding a baby. She’s probably around 6 months.

“Here I’ll carry her. You’ll need your strength right now.” He said to the girl holding the baby.

She nodded and gave the baby to Levi. Might as well get used to it. He’ll be carrying his own brat soon. God, he hopes his and Historia’s kid will survive. Finally everything is ready and they all walked or rode on the road to the closest town.

They reached into town by late afternoon. The kids whined from being tired and hungry. Even the baby cried from missing her meal time. Luckily, he saw a very familiar Commander.

“Oi Dok.” He called out. The other man glanced to see it was Levi with the rest of the children. Something must have happened.

“Why do you have the orphans with you? Where is the queen?” Commander Dok of the Military Police began to question Levi.

Levi was getting annoyed. He glared at the commander. “I just got back from the capitol to find the property burnt to the ground. Some bodies were burnt too. The kids say the rest adults were killed and thrown to the lake. Historia….the queen was kidnapped. They fucking took her. They took my pregnant wife, Nile.” His voice was shaking with anger and fear. He fears if he doesn’t find her; there is a chance both could be dead.

“Wait what? Who? We need to alert the Premier.” Nile said.

“Come let’s go to the station and I’m sure these kids want to eat and rest.” Nile looked at the kids and felt sorry for them. They must have seen awful things.

Some of the MPs help out the kids that are on the horses off. The horses were sent to the stables to rest and be fed. Once they all entered the headquarters, one of the female MPs attended the kids. The baby that Levi is carrying didn’t want to leave his arms.

“Hey kiddo, she won’t hurt you.” He is trying to calm her down. The thirteenth year old took the baby from Levi which he was gladly that helped. The baby nuzzled onto the girl. The captain watched the kids leaving to the mess hall for food.

“Bye Levi. Promise you will save her.” Kathy ran to hug him tightly.

“Don’t worry I will.” He said. Then he let go of her as she catch up with the group.

Now it was him and Dok. They headed to the office and sat down.

“We need to act fast. Especially the condition her Majesty is in.” Nile said as he started writing the letter.

“I know. Last week she began getting cramps. Very soon my kid will be born.” Levi said.

“I’m still not used to the idea, but I’m sorry what you are going through, Captain. This is every husband and father's worst nightmare.” The MP commander sympathizes with Levi.

The captain was quiet but nodded. “It was the fucking Templars and the Jeagerists. They became allies.” He grabbed the dented cross and aggressively placed it on Nile’s desk. Nile was disturbed of this news. The queen is in grave danger.

“What will you do now?” Nile asked.

“I’m going to pass the message to Hange and my grandfather what had happened then go find those bastards and slaughter them especially Zeke. He is mine.” His tone became dark and sinister.

Dok never saw the captain like this. He had heard his notorious bloodlust when it came to titans. The middle aged man took a glimpse of files about the Ackerman clan. They are the product of titan genes to make them the perfect warriors to protect the royal family and slay titans. They are titans in their human forms. At first, he doesn’t believe it, but seeing Levi’s eyes glowing silver ready to unleash chaos. This gave him chills.

Levi had his hoodie up to cover him. “Will the kids be fine here? I’m putting their lives into your own hands, Commander.” He said as he turned around.

“Of course, we’ll keep an eye on them.” Dok said.

“Good. I gotta go. See you around and thanks.” Levi walked out the room and the chills disappeared from the room. Dok gasped since he didn’t realize he was holding his breath.

Levi got on his horse and rode away to the Capitol. War had been declared. Levi Ackerman and Iapetus are eager to shed blood on the enemies.

They will be praying to their god for mercy.

(unknown location in Wall Sina)

Historia was dragged to a beautiful luxurious bedroom. Her labor has calmed down. She was too weak to fight. Her kidnappers place her on the bed. She sees maids running around preparing for the birth.

“Where is this so called King?” Her voice was weak but still held a stern tone.

“Oh I’m here, my queen.” No, it can’t be true? It’s him.

“You.” Her tone spewed it like acid when she saw Lord Evans.

“Yes, it’s me. The mastermind of all this. Here’s what you will do. You deliver your spawn then get ready for our wedding. I’m already crowned by the High Priest Of the Walls. I have the rightful claim then you. You’re nothing but a bastard borned from sins and lust. But the people adorns you so I’m merciful to make you my queen consort. Your child will have no rights to the throne as it will be a bastard like it’s parents.” He smirked.

“You! YOU’RE A TRAITOR.” Historia’s blue eyes glared at the man.

“My darling, I think it is you that’s the traitor. You being a bastard taking the throne. You have changed what our ancestor King Karl Fritz had worked hard to make sure our kingdom stayed isolated and ignorant from the outside world. And the worst of all, you whore yourself with an Ackerman. Once we get married, I will install the old laws which include prosecuting the last Ackerman line forever. Don’t worry, I will only let your child live for now.” He laughed and walked away.

Historia screamed in fury. This isn’t happening. This is becoming too much. She wants Levi here to comfort her.

“You’re Majesty, I’ll be your head midwife to safely deliver your heir.” The woman who’s in her mid 50’s whispered to the queen.

“Huh? Aren’t you working for Lord Evans? How can I know you will try to fish me out of information for that asshole?” Historia grunted from the pain but her tone was cold. Right now, how can she trust? It seems enemies are everywhere for her.

“My queen, I may work for him, but my loyalty lies with you. You are our queen. The Walls had blessed you to rule this kingdom. It was you who slayed the enormous titan. It was you who protected the people. And it was you who care and listen to the people. You are the People's queen. Now, let’s welcome the crowned princess or prince to this world.” The midwife smiled at Historia then called in her apprentices for assistance.

“These fine ladies are my assistance who are under apprenticeships to study to be a midwife.” Historia glanced to see girls from 13- 20 years of age lined up and pay respect to her with a courtesy. “Your Majesty.” All of the girls greeted her.

Historia was about to say something, but another major contraction appeared. “Ahhh!”

“Alright, girls you know what to do. Have the bowl of cold water ready and drench the towel to cool off her body.” The senior midwife ordered her apprentices as they rushed to prepare. The midwife had Historia get comfortable on the bed laying down. She lifts up Historia’s nightgown to have her legs spread.

The old woman sees the entrance already widen open and barely sees the baby’s head. “Alright, your majesty. On the count of three, you will make a big push. Ready? Now, push.”

Historia lifted her head up as she pushed hard. The pain was unbearable. It felt her back was split in two. The queen screamed in agony. “Ahhhhhh. It hurts! I don’t think I can’t do this.” She pleaded from this awful pain. Is this what her mother endured when she gave birth to her? Maybe that’s why she hated her. Oh god, she doesn’t want to become like her mother and hate her own child.

“Your majesty, you must keep pushing. The head is not out. Your child will die if it's not out to breathe.” The midwife trying to reason with her. One of the girls damped the wet cool towel on Historia’s forehead.

“I-I can’t...I need him here. He’s supposed to be here with me.” the queen began to sob.

“Who? Lord Evans?” another girl asked.

“No, you ignorant child. The father of her majesty’s heir.” The oldest girl said.

Historia felt exhausted but the baby was trying to come out. She feels scared like when Historia was Krista in her Survey Corps years. Those were happy times even if they put their lives in danger from titans.

“L-levi where are you?” The queen whimpered then another pain consumed her.

“Levi? As the Captain Levi Ackerman of the Survey Corps? You’re carrying his child.” The girls gasped from this information.

“Girls! Focus. Worry about chatting later.” The old woman scolded at them.

Historia tried again to push. “Grrrrr-ahhhhh!”

“I see the head is out. You’re doing a good job, my queen.” The midwife said.

As the blonde haired woman paintings, her sight was getting blurring from the dizziness and exhaustion. She breathed in and out. Her face was pale like white sheets covered with swears. Her golden hair was expanded on the pillows but looked dampen. Historia feels like dying from this hellish torture called childbirth.

“Just three more pushes and the baby is out. Promise you.” The old woman said.

Historia gained more strength to make the last three pushes. Her scream had echoed the whole place that Lord Evans and his allies could hear her agony screams.

“The baby is out. You did it, your majesty.” The midwife holds the baby, but the newborn hasn’t made a sound. The midwife was worried. She slapped the newborn’s bottom which finally a crying noise was heard. It was not loud but it’s better than no sound.

“Congratulations to your majesty, he is alive and healthy. Let us clean him and you’ll meet your son.” The old midwife said with a smile. She passed the baby boy to one of her girls as some helped clean up the baby while the rest cleaned up after Historia.

The queen let out a cry of joy from hearing her son’s cries. She did it. She gave birth to Levi’s son. Historia was too weak and distorted. She felt something heavy on her arms and looked down to her it was her baby. “My little miracle. You’re finally here. I’m your mother and I love you so much already.” She whispered to the baby.

The baby opened his eyes to show it’s blue like hers. He inherited Levi’s raven hair and nose. Most of his features are Levi’s only her colored eyes are on him. “Welcome to the world, Atticus Ackerman-Reiss.”

Her son looked at her curiously, but already formed a smile for his mother. This brings Historia with joy. How did her and Levi make this pure angel? He is her everything along with Levi. Then she thought about something that will keep her son safe from Lord Evans, the Jeagerists, and the templars.

“Mrs. Goodman, you said you’re loyal to me right? Please, take my son to the Commander Hange secretly. Lord Evans and his allies will kill him if they see how my boy resembles his father. I beg of you...please.” Historia stared at the woman with pleading eyes.

“You’re majesty, his lordship promises he won’t hurt the prince.” The old woman is trying to reassure her.

Historia shaking her head in disagreement. “No, I don’t trust his promises especially allying with Zeke and his followers and the templars. They burnt the Orphanage down. Children and caretakers died from there. So please take him before they do god knows what awful things they have plans.”

“Your Majesty, I don’t mind taking the baby safely to the Survey Commander.” The eldest girl volunteered. The midwife stared at her. “Are you prepared? You can’t be caught by anyone until you reach there. Do you understand, girl?”

The 20 year old nodded. “Yes, I’m prepared. I will make sure the prince is in safe hands.” She was determined.

“Already child, let’s quickly prepare the child and you to leave. We’ll say the baby struggled to breathe and died within minutes. My queen you must act like a grieving mother to fool them. Can you do that?” The midwife said. Historia nodded.

The apprentices and the midwife begin to get the baby ready which he wraps warmly with a clean blanket. At first, Historia had a hard time to let go of her son; but it’s necessary to do this. She kissed him on his tiny forehead. “Gods...the Walls please as a mother protect him. Protect my only child from harm. I can’t lose him.” her tears stream down. She gave Atticus to the girl who was placed in a basket. Before leaving, Historia asked for a paper and pen to write a note for Hange. Finally, place the note on the basket and watch the girl sneaking away with Atticus to safety.

Historia placed her hands on her face as she sobbed. Already being away from her son is breaking her heart. She feels alone. Soon, she will be forced to marry that despicable asshole. All he would do was to breed her into having more kids than probably kill her off. The queen silently prayed for her warrior to come take her away.

The young apprentice walked hastily on the dark cold road. Lord Nathaniel Evans’ property was far away from the capitol. She covered her head with a blue hood and held the basket carefully. She took a glimpse of the newborn prince who whimpered from feeling not being around his mother. Poor little one, he will be separated from his mother. The girl glanced back at the lights from the estate to see guards patrolling the area. Quickly, she entered the forest to hide from their sight. It’s a good thing, she knows the way through the forest.

Meanwhile back at the Evans estates, Lord Nathaniel barged into the room where Historia had given birth earlier. “What happened? Why is my bride crying like a banshee?” He glared at the blonde petite woman who was on the bed crying hysterical.

“I’m sorry Lord Evans but the child died. He only lasted a few minutes before he was gone.” The midwife made a sad expression. She understands the heartbreak the queen feels.

“A son? And you sure he died?” The nobleman was surprised. Looks like Ackerman’s seed wasn’t that strong as they claim. This is perfect. One Ackerman down. Two more to go.

“Where’s the corpse?” He asked while trying to ignore the wailing sound of Historia grieving.

“We have to cremate the smell that is already getting bad from the decompose.” The midwife continued explaining.

“Do you have the ashes at least?” He kept interrogating the older woman.

“Of course, we put it in a tiny container for her to keep it. A mother’s loss is something not easily forgotten.” She goes to grab the metal container and hands it to him. Nathaniel took it to open the lid to see ashes in it. Then handed back to the midwife.

“Very well, she may keep it as a wedding present.” He glimpsed at Historia who now glared with hatred in her cold blue eyes.

“Don’t give me that look. You will soon forget your dead son. You’ll have plenty of children once we are married. This is a sign of your union with that low level criminal was unbalanced and invalid.” Nathaniel gave a pouch of golden coins to the midwife. “Here, for your service. You may leave. Historia will need to get ready for her wedding.”

The midwife caught the pouch and frowned. “My king, I implore you to let your bride rest. She just gave birth and lost a child. I suggest you postpone the wedding for her health sake.”

“She will be fine. Historia had gone through much worse than losing a half-breed.” He said.

Historia growls in anger. “Fuck you! You don’t get to assume what was the worst I endured! You took everything from me. My orphanage that I worked so hard to have a home for unwanted children. My home where my husband and I built together! And now my child. My son...he only get to fucking live minutes. I hope Levi will come after you and torture you. I will gladly watch while sipping my tea and decorate your head on a spike. That’s my wedding gift to you, oh my dear darling.” The queen felt a slap on her cheek.

“Whore you have no authority towards your true king!” He said with rage. The usurper quickly glared at the midwife and the apprentice which they were terrified for their queen.

“Why haven’t you left? You did your duties and I paid. Leave now!” He yelled at them which they gladly left.

Now it’s him and Historia. The nobleman grabbed her hair to drag her out of the room while Historia began kicking and screaming. He entered another room and there were the maids waiting for their lord’s orders.

“Maids, prepare this bitch for the wedding within a couple hours. I want her in the wedding dress I bought for her. Then escort her on the vehicle so it will take her to the main citadel in the capitol for our wedding and the coronation. By morning the whole island will wake up with a true king and his royal consort. So, be ready Historia, the templars will rule this island and Marley.” He chuckled darkly and shoveled her, Historia fell on the ground. He walked away to go get ready. Behind him, fainted whimpers from Historia were heard as the double doors closed.

(The capitol, Mitras)

One by one templars assassinated higher ups and a personal army from Lord Evans marched into the city. The MPs begin to shoot their rifles. Chaos had started. Civilians woke up from the bloodshed nightmare. Some hid, but others ran for safety.

Meanwhile at the Survey Corps headquarters, the girl finally reached there and knocked the door loud. Quickly, ran away from the building when it opened to see Sasha looked down where the basket was.

“Aww what a cutie?!” Sasha is cooing the baby. Little Atticus began to cry. The soldier freaked out and picked up the basket since the noise of rifles and screams was heard away in the main plaza.

“Let’s get you somewhere safe.” Sasha said and walked to see a note there. She picked it up to read it. Then gasped to know whose child it is. As she holded the basket, Sasha ran to the Commander’s office and pounded the door.

“Commander Hange!” She shouted out then the door opened to see both Hange and William were interrupted in their nightly activity.

“Why do you have a baby with you, Sasha? Remember what we tackled about they are not pets where you can take home.” Hange said.

“Commander please read this note. This is Queen Historia and Captain Levi’s baby.” The soldier gave the note to her higher up. William read from over his girlfriend’s shoulder.

“So the queen had given birth and sent someone to bring the baby here. Lord Evans was behind all this chaos that’s happening now.” Hange frowned.

“We need to find a different location. The templars will come after us and find the baby. They think he died.” Williams said with concern. He picked up his great grandson who stopped crying.

“He needs to be fed.” Bill goes to find baby formula since they have an emergency in case an orphan child is needed.

“We need to leave now, I’ll send a message to Levi that we’re relocating to our secret hideout.” Hange said.

“What about helping the Mps?” Sasha said.

“I will lean some of the scouts for Commander Dok to help out. But I will need my best soldiers to protect the crown prince. He is our hope along Queen Historia. Thank goodness she is still alive, but we need a better plan to get her out. Right now we relocate for his highness’s safety. Plus, Levi will go batshit crazy once he finds out what had happened to Historia.” The Commander already got ready to lead her regiment.

Once she gave the order what was happening, everyone packed up necessary things. The assassins took their best weapons while the soldiers filled up their tanks for their OMD gears. After everything was ready, they left the building abandonment. Some of the soldiers and assassin head to the destruction while the rest leave the city.

(Marley)

Both Mikasa and Reiner were enjoying each other's company when far away they heard guns and screams. They looked at the view to see chaos.

“What the hell is going on? Mikasa please don’t tell me it’s you guys?’ Reiner said.

“What? No, it’s definitely not us. We don’t have firearms.” Mikasa frowned. She goes to grab her clothes to put them back on. “I need to go.”

She felt her arm being grabbed. “Wait, Mikasa...I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to jump into conclusions.” His expression felt guilty.

“It’s fine….I’m just as shocked as you.” She said.

“Will I see you before you leave the island?” He said with hope.

“Yeah, just be careful out there. Meet me at the edge of the city in the south.” She leans to kiss him. “I’ll see you later.” She smiled then stepped back to turn around and leave.

Reiner quickly dressed up and headed out to go to the base first. He hopes everyone is ok and defends their home. It can’t be Paradis. His comrades had been keeping an eye on them for a while. Who could it be that’s invading his home? Maybe it’s those Templars that Mikasa mentioned.

The titan shifter ran fast pace while avoiding getting shot. When he entered the internment zone, he saw his comrade squads already fighting. An enemy stopped him. The blonde man noticed the cross symbol on the other. So it is the templars that Mikasa warned about. Shit, they are fucked.

“Why are you doing this?” He yelled at the templar.

“For the peace and dream of the Templar’s Order.” The man said with pride.

The templar began to attack Reiner which the titan shifter dodged his attack. He’s glad the power of being a titan shifter, his strength and speed are abnormal than an average strong human.

The other man growls in annoyance and charges at him again. Reiner uses his leg to kick the shin of the knee and disarm the firearm to point at the enemy. Without hesitation he shot the templar between his eyes. The blonde Eldian ran towards his comrades.

“Guys, what’s going on? Where’s Gabi and the young candidates?” He asked.

Porco and Pieck turned around to see their Deputy Chief already here. “Our military and government had gone coup d’etat. Most of our higher officials were assassinated. Those devils outsmarted us.” Porco was busy aiming his gun at the enemies. The armies from the shoreline were bombed and not a lot of them survived. Our soldiers are small now.”

“I don’t think it’s the Paradis devils. You know they are not that advanced in technology as we do. The only thing they have is the titans. Eren had most of them. And Zeke will betray us. The colossal titan belonged to another Paradisan named, Armin Arlet. So it’s just us three and a small number of soldiers.” Reiner explained. “We need to go to the base to check to find the rest.”

All three begin to run to the main base. They stopped when on the other side their comrades were shooting at the enemies while vice versa. The templar’s armies had a big machine weapon that shoots ammunition with fast speed.

“Shit, we gotta shift to help our comrades.” Porco was distressed from seeing the bloody sight. Suddenly, Pieck screamed when a bullet shot on her shoulder. She fell from the pain.

“Pieck!” Both men turned to help their fellow female soldier up. Some of the enemies spotted them and aimed their weapons at them. So both Reiner and Porco dragged their friend and comrade to a safer area to be shield from the attack.

“One of us has to distract them. Porco you go take Pieck to the base where they will treat her at the base hospital.” Reiner said.

They were about to protest until they heard two gear sounds and screams from the enemies. Reiner looked around to see it was their lost long comrade, Annie Leonhart.

“A-annie?” Reiner was shook seeing her. He thought she was still a prisoner.

The Female Titan landed in front of them. “It’s been a while guys.”

All three were so happy one of their own had made it home. But they see another blonde figure landed beside her.

“Wait, What the hell what is he doing here? Why do you have our enemy beside you.” Porco frowned as he stared at Armin Arlet.

“Touch him and I wouldn’t hesitate to chop your legs and arms. He’s here to help everyone out against these Templars and their soldiers.” Annie glared at Porco. She will not let anyone harm her boyfriend.

Reiner may have an idea that these two were with Mikasa the whole time for some mission. He can’t judge Annie being involved with their supposed enemy since he is after all with Mikasa earlier.

“Alright, let’s calm down and not jump to conclusions. We have a bigger problem right now.” Reiner used his leadership tone.

“He is right. We need to work together. Forget our past of hatred with each other. This war is us against templars. If they win, we’ll be all screwed. I mean the whole world screw. We all want peace so let’s make it happen together.” Armin's inspirational monologue made them contemplated.

“We’ll have to get to the base quick then.” Reiner said.

“Wait, if we go; they will shoot Armin since he’s a Paradisan.” Porco said while carrying a wounded Pieck.

“I won’t let that happen.” Annie said darkly. Armin felt a hint of a blush from how protective Annie is towards him. They both confessed their feelings when Annie used to be a prisoner and he visited her often.

“Pfft I can’t believe you're fornicating with the enemy.” Porco mumbled.

Annie rolled her eyes at him. “Oh I’m not the only one who had fornicated with an ‘enemy’. Isn’t that right, Reiner?” She glanced at her old friend and comrade. Reiner was flushed from her comment. He coughed. “This isn’t the time to gossip our sex life.” He said in a cool tone. Now, Porco was a bit stunned that his deputy chief also slept with an enemy before, but he is right they have no time for whatever this conversation was. Pieck needs medical attention soon.

“Let’s go. She is losing a lot of blood.” Porco was worried for her. She groaned in pain. All five of them make their way to the war zone between the base and the enemies.

A/N: For those waiting for Annie's appearance. She’s finally here! I was contemplating where to have her appear. So a lot of crazy things had happened in this chapter. Yes, the baby is finally born and his name is Atticus Ackerman-Reiss uwu. He looks like his papa Levi but with Historia’s blue eyes. Tell me what you guys think of this interesting chapter? Yes, there were dark scenes. Also there will be a more dark scene in the next chapter with Historia. War can bring out the darkness in you especially trying to protect your loved ones. Ok, enjoy this chapter guys! Love you all. Until next time.

#rivahisu #levihisu #levi ackerman #historia reiss #reiner braun #mikasa ackerman #reikasa #pieck finger #porco galliard #annie leonhart #armin arlet #crossover #fanfic #attack on titan #snk #aot #assassin's creed

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fookinfandoms · 4 years ago

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This is Us P8 | Joel Miller

Part 8 of my Joel fic!

Warnings: Language and mentions of violence.

Part Seven | Part Eight | Part Nine

_____________________________________________

She was lost.

Jackson looked the same at night. It was dimly lit with only a few street lamps, and a large majority of people had already retired for the night. Evie knew she was a few blocks away from the meeting hall, but with every house looking the same she didn’t want to risk knocking on the wrong door.

The snow didn’t help, and Evie cursed herself for not taking the weather into account as she realised the landmarks she focused on during her tour had been covered. She was slacking already, and she hadn’t even been in Jackson for a day. Her arms wound around her in an attempt to keep warm, her denim jacket only providing minimal relief from the snow falling around her.

Why did everything have to look the same?

She was still angry from the conversation earlier. It wasn’t Maria nor Tommy’s fault, but what kind of questions were those? Killing was the way of life now and like she had said to Seth before, if you hadn’t killed somebody in this world, you were either a liar or coward. It wasn’t a pretty thing nor something she insisted everybody try, but any adult that criticised another persons suffering, well they weren’t in Evie’s good books.

“Why did you give Tommy your gun,” She mumbled to herself, walking further into the streets. “Fucking idiot.”

“Thought you were supposed to be a tracker?” A voice calls out from behind her, and Evie turns around, shock evident in her features.

Joel stands there amused, hands in his pockets. As quick as it appeared though, Evie’s shock is gone and replaced with a frown.

“Can’t track a fucking house now can I?” She turns around again, continuing her journey. “Dumb ass.”

Joel chuckles, jogging forward to catch up to the woman. Evie had more to say to him but focused on her walking, she didn't exactly fancy falling over flat on her ass in front of the man. He walks by her side, ignoring the disgruntled look she threw his way. “You lost your way?”

“We friends now?” Evie cuts straight to the chase. “Not even an hour ago you were ready to throw me on my ass, now you’re followin’ after me?”

She had a point, and even Joel himself was confused over his actions. He tries to blame it on just looking after his baby brother, but he knew that would be a lie. Evelyn reminded him of himself, and it worried him. He knew adjusting to life behind large walls wasn’t easy, and the first week, let alone day, was difficult. He knew too that Evie wasn't staying, but that didn't mean he couldn't get as much information out of her as he could before she left.

“Just makin’ sure you’re not out here shootin’ somebody.” He jokes, partially, and Evie just scoffs.

“How can I? I gave my gun to your brother, which,” She holds a finger out, wiggling it at the older man. “I’d like back by the way.”

He had forgotten that she had given away her firearm, but if she was as smart as he assumed, he knew she would have a blade or two hiding beneath her clothes. She continues walking, and considering she had walked past her street, Joel knew she was definitely lost. He chose not say something just yet however, wanting more time to ask the girl the questions he couldn’t ask in front of his brother.

"They're stupid questions," Joel says, thinking back to the meeting just before. "But they gotta' ask."

"I know, doesn't mean I have to like it though." She replies, sighing to herself.

Joel of all people probably had the same amount of bodies on him as her, and Evie assumed that he had only been let into Jackson because of Tommy and the fact he had Ellie. He had his reputation in Boston for a reason, and she wonders just how much the community knew about the older Miller as he walked the streets.

He was a survivor no doubt, but even Evie knew he had done somethings that were unforgivable. Nobody got this far in life without getting dirty.

“What you were sayin’ about Marcy back there,” Joel asks, keeping his gaze forward. “Did she suffer?”

Evie stops in her tracks, her feet slowly sinking into the snow. She thinks over his words with a blank expression, and Joel almost regrets asking. A part of him felt that he had a right to know, seeing that Marceline was the closest person in Tess’ life even before they had parted ways.

“I can’t say.” Evie bites her lip, and Joel is about to protest her answer when she exhales, a cloud of air coming out with the cold. “We were neck deep in water and she got dragged under.”

“And the husband?”

“Dived in after her, I waited on the roof of some van but neither resurfaced,” She looks around her surroundings as she recalls the memory. “I couldn’t stay so I waited at our spot for a few days, but they didn’t show.”

“Where’d you go after that?” Evie was shocked at all the questions, and was shocked more at herself for not feeling any resentment towards Joel. The man must have had a close relationship with Tess to remember as much as he did about Marcy.

“Headed straight to Boston like planned, I was going to find Tess to break the news,” Evie kicks at the snow piling on her shoes. “Felt she had a right to know.”

How noble, Joel thought to himself. It was a rare trait, somebody putting their life on the line for another. Evelyn had already proved herself to be a decent person by the way she had saved and looked after Tommy. If Joel had let himself not be blinded by anger towards the ghost part of the woman in front of him, he would’ve commented on it sooner.

Joel just nods, not really knowing what to say. As far as he could remember, Marceline was a good kid, and it just made him curse at the world.

“How did Tess die?” She asks, and Joel immediately tenses, wondering how he could answer without bringing Ellie into it.

Seeing his reaction, Evie raises her hands in defence. “You don’t have to tell me, I can tell she meant a lot to you.”

It was clear though that the loss of Marcy and Louis weighed heavy on Evie too, and Joel felt it was only fair seeing as he made Evie return to that memory.

“Infected,” Joel forces out, and Evie closes her eyes at the news. “By the sounds of it, not too long after her sister.” Evie nods, knowing he was right. When she had arrived in Boston, nobody had heard from a Tess, and Joel was nowhere to be found.

She assumed they all had a job, but now after knowing Tess was actually Joel’s partner, she must have gotten infected whilst they were together.

“What a world we live in huh?” Evie jokes before starting walking again. “A whole family, just like that.”

“Just like that.” Joel echoes, following after her.

The two walk in a comfortable silence before Joel realises he hadn’t told Evie where she should be walking. He was surprised she hadn’t, but if she were as stubborn as Tommy had mentioned, he knew she wouldn’t say anything. He takes the lead, hoping she would appreciate the gesture rather than try embarrass herself further. Evie takes notice of her surroundings, seeing houses with children’s play equipment at the front.

“They really got it somethin’ good going here, don’t they?” She remarks, smiling to herself as Joel nods. “It’s… Nice.”

She had more to say, but she didn’t want to give Joel the wrong idea. Her mind was made up, and as much as Jackson seemed to be the real deal, it was better for everybody if she left. She wasn’t a community type of person, and it seemed that some people of Jackson had already figured that out for themselves.

As much as the idea of having a safe place to sleep at night intrigued her, Evie had spent far too much time in places that didn't survive. Communities like Jackson never lasted, and they were a big hotspot for hunters and bandits. They attracted the wrong kinds of people, and she didn't want to involve herself in a fight that wasn't hers.

She hadn't made it this far in life by being stupid.

Tommy had his people to worry about first, not some stranger he picked up from outside. Or more so, picked him up from outside and dragged him home. She hoped he would understand that after her bags were filled, she would be out and on the road before he or anybody of Jackson were awake. She was a professional at leaving before sun up, and she chuckled to herself as she thinks about the men she had left behind after a night together.

Joel looks back at the woman as she laughs, and raises his eyebrow, wondering what she was thinking about. He thought back todays events, thankful that the woman hadn’t yet brought up what he had walked in on, especially in front of his brother.

Tommy would never let him live it down.

He was embarrassed. Joel was a grown man who had acted like a teenage boy who had just gotten his first porno mag. He had never acted that way before, and he blamed it on the fact it had been so long since he had seen a woman in her next to nothings. His ears turned red again at the memory, and he hoped Evie wouldn’t notice or better yet, blame it on the cold.

“So why the change?” Evie asked, catching up to Joel’s pace.

He gives her a confused look before realising what she meant. How could he answer that? All of her questions revolved around Ellie one way or another, and he had to protect his girl. His mouth opens to speak, but no words come out.

“Hey, again you don’t gotta’ say,” She nudges him in the stomach. “Just passing the time.”

Joel is taken back by her actions, and his hand comes out of his pocket as he rubs at the spot she elbowed. She was strong, and in more ways than one. “Ellie.” He mumbles, and Evie just smiles.

“Had a feeling, she’s a good kid, real bright,” Evie chuckles as she remembers her deep and meaningful conversation with the teen. “Swears like a soldier though.”

Joel chuckles before he stops, head tilting at the woman. “How would you know she swears a lot?”

Evie puckers her lips as she realises she’s caught out, smiling sheepishly at the Texan. “She may or may not have come over after you left today.”Joel just stands there in disbelief, mad that Ellie deliberately went against his wishes. “I locked the door.”

“Girl knows how to climb, do I blame you for that?” She chuckles once more, knowing the girl had climbed through the top floor.

“And what did you two talk about?” He knew Ellie wouldn’t bring up her immunity, she was a smart girl, but it didn’t stop him from worrying about who she chose to open up too.

Her arm was bandaged up, and Tommy had the idea of telling people that her bite was a chemical burn. Maria had done her part in telling people that it was a burn from a childhood injury, and Joel was more than grateful.

“Just girl stuff,” She grins at him as his frown deepens. “Infected, guts galore, the usual.”

“I hope you’re jokin’.” Joel looks down at Evie as she shrugs, smiling a little as she does so.

“Like I said old man, girl stuff, none of your concern.” Evie skips ahead quickly to avoid Joel as he rolls his eyes.

He wasn’t too concerned now at the idea of Ellie being near the newcomer, but that didn’t mean he trusted Evelyn. At the end of the day, he didn’t know her and as grateful as he was that she had saved Tommy, she was a stranger.

“Old man?” He quips, raising his eyebrow. “You’re how old?”

“Younger than you and that’s all that matters.” She turns around, giving him a mock salute before turning around again.

He rolls his eyes at her. “You always got somethin’ funny to say?”

“Only when people say dumb shit, that a problem for you?”

“No ma’am.” She was quick, and it made him release a deep chuckle this time, a proper one. People weren’t usually this vocal nor as witty, and Joel find it more refreshing than annoying.

He’ll admit he found it irritating that morning, but seeing as this was actually her personality and not some front she put on, it no longer bothered him.

If the scars on her body had been any indication, she had been through a lot and came out on top. If humour was her coping, than so be it. Evie had soon recognised the street that her borrowed house resided on, remembering the broken mailbox that lay out the front. It had a name on it that was incredibly faded, and she fought the urge to ask who the house had belonged to before.

Evie thought Joel would leave her by the driveway, but surprised her as he continued walking her to the porch, lagging behind a little to give her space. She didn’t comment on it, and as she pulled out the key Tommy had given her earlier, she turned to the man that stood on the porch steps.

“I uh,” She cleared her throat. “I just want to say that as much as I’m not sorry for taking jobs away from you, I’m sorry for being an inconvenience.”

Joel just nodded at her, accepting her somewhat-apology. Apologies were clearly not apart of her vocabulary, and Joel knew this was as good as it was going to get.

“It kept me alive and I’ll never apologise for that, but I am sorry about Tess and whatever role I played in it but taking your shit.”

“Wasn’t your fault,” Joel pointed out. “That had nothin’ to do with you.”

Evie relaxed a little at the knowledge, having felt guilty at the news. She mumbled a small okay before opening the door, stepping one foot indoors. Joel bid her a goodnight, she waved him off as she went inside.

Joel had already made his way past the driveway when he heard the door open again, and he turned around when he heard Evelyn call out his name. He stares at the woman as she stands at the door, her head poked out from the small opening.

“You good?” He yells out, and she just smirks at him.

What the hell is this girl on? Joel thinks to himself, but his cheeks heat up at the following words.

“Next time you want to peep on a girl when she’s naked, give her a heads up yeah?” She calls out, and Joel instantly looks around, hoping nobody was around to hear. His throat feels like its closed up as Evie laughs, embarrassment being an understatement.

“Maybe next time she’ll let you stay.” Evie yells again, continuing to laugh even after she’s shut the door, leaving Joel standing there with an egg on his face as she walks up the stairs.

The man just shakes his head, feeling heat everywhere. He kicks at the snow before making his way back to his house, chuckling at the girls words as the ring through his ear.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller fic #joel x reader #joel miller #Joel Miller x oc #tlou x reader #reader insert #fookinfandoms #this is us

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whentommymetalfie · 4 years ago

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Breathe Again -Chapter thirteen

-The trouble with wanting-

prologue//one//two//three//four//five//six//seven//eight//nine//ten//eleven/twelve

Chapter Summary: Things change. Tommy doesn’t cope well.

Warnings: disordered eating, hallucinations, panic attacks

Sometimes, Tommy has to be dragged out of the nightmares, as if they’re clinging to his mind with sharp claws dug deep into every crevice of it. And only the arms around him and the soft mutters of: ‘ ‘s only a dream, Tommy, fucks sake...’ can pull him out of it and back into the dimly lit bedroom where Alfie is waiting, bleary eyed and voice gravel-thick but there and awake all the same. And keeps him from scrambling out of the bed, tucks him into his side and just holds him there until the mud has cleared out of his lungs and the voices have gone quiet enough for the worst of the panic to fade.

And then some nights, waking up is like being pushed off a cliff and bolting upright just as he’s about to hit the ground, heart pounding and with terror licking down his spine. Tonight is one of those nights.

He wakes already sitting ramrod straight in the bed, choking on his own frantic breaths and shirt clinging to his back, soaked in cold sweat. Wet cheeks and with the last sobs still lodged in his throat. He reaches blindly across the mattress for Alfie.

But he’s not there. He’s- he’s-

Breaths catching in his throat again, he looks towards Alfie’s chair, not there, he’s not there either.

Maybe he’s just gone to the bathroom? He’ll be back soon, really soon, won’t leave him alone, Tommy just has to wait and he will, he’ll wait and-

But he needs Alfie to be here now. The door is closed and seems very far away, but if he just-

“You shouldn’t be out of bed, Tommy,” Lizzie chastises him, eyes tired. “It’s not safe for you to wander around all on your own.”

As if the floorboards burnt him, he quickly pulls his feet back up onto the bed. It’s not safe, he has to stay here. He shakes his head. Reminds himself that Lizzie isn’t here, that it’s just a memory resurfacing, not here, not real.

But it’s still impossible to go out in the dark and search for Alfie. He’ll stay, wait.

He pulls the blanket tightly around his shoulders and sets his eyes on the door. Alfie will come back, he will, he wouldn’t leave him alone at night, he- he wouldn’t

Tommy waits.

…

“Oh, you’re already up!”

He blinks, trying to make his stinging eyes focus. The fog that seems to have settled around him clears a little and reveals a room is bathed in greyish morning light that streams in through the curtains.

When did the sun rise?

Esther is standing in the doorway, arms full of clothes. “I was just going to put out some clean things for you,” she says and holds them up, her forehead creasing as she comes into the room and approaches the bed. “Have you been up for a long time?”

The question seeps through his head like a slow trickle of water and it takes a while before he’s processed it. He looks around for answers.

The spot next to him on the bed is empty and cold.

Alfie didn’t come back.

He woke up and he was gone and he didn’t come back and now it’s morning…

Finally he shakes his head, because Esther looks so worried, and it feels like it’s full of lead, lead or maybe mud that sloshes around in there, tumbling against his skull and making it throb dully. Esther nods, the wrinkle on her brow smoothing out a bit.

“Good. It’s awfully early to be up;” she says and puts the clothes on the empty chair. “Perhaps you should try to sleep some more?”

This time he only shakes his head a tiny bit but it still aches.

Esther doesn’t push, just smiles and says, “Alright, maybe you’d like to come with me to the kitchen, then?”

Tommy wants to lie down, rest his head against the soft pillow and he wants Alfie to sit there and run his fingers through his hair and read to him…

But Alfie isn’t here. And he doesn’t want to be alone.

He brings his blanket along with him to the kitchen, wrapping it tightly around himself, pulls it all the way up to his nose and hopes the familiar scent will settle his frayed nerves. The chestnut sits there on his nightstand, but he leaves it, the blanket has to be enough. Can’t be doing all these strange things it’s-

“Not sane, clinging to things like that. No one in their right mind would-“

He leaves it.

In the kitchen, Esther goes about the usual morning routine, puts the kettle on and starts chopping an apple up into tiny pieces. The sound of the knife against the cutting board echoes in his head. Seeps in between the edges of the long scar and flares inwards. Even when the apples are all chopped and in a bowl in front of him it’s there, this persistent, gnawing ache. He can only sit there by the table and try to breathe through it, resist the urge to claw at the scar. Instead he picks up the fork and occupies himself with the apples, getting through the contents of the bowl one tiny bite at a time.

When he has to pause he looks up to find Esther watching him, clearly waiting for a response to something she’s said.

“It seems like mister Solomons is sleeping in today,” she repeats. “I can light a fire for you in the living room if you’d like. Or would you prefer to just stay here? I’m going to do some baking.”

“Can I stay?” he asks and feels stupid because she just told him he could, but Esther just smiles.

“Of course.”

Alfie doesn’t appear in the kitchen until Esther is taking the bread out of the oven. There are dark circles under his eyes, his hair is sticking out at odd angles and his forehead is folded into deep creases. He only grumbles a clipped ‘morning’ to her sunny greeting and then goes to sit opposite Tommy by the table, opening the paper without sparing him a glance.

His stomach ties into such tight nots that it almost makes the meagre breakfast come back up his throat.

See, didn’t I tell you this would happen? In the end, everyone tires of you-”

“I don’t know how long I can keep doing this.” Lizzie is far away, whispering. “It’s not getting better. Nothing is getting better.”

He tries to shake the voices out of his head but it makes the pain flare back up and he presses the heel of his hand against the scar.

“I was only trying to protect you,” Grace tells him softly. “You shouldn’t have gotten so attached.”

“God, Tommy, fucking stop that,” Alfie grunts and shoots him a glare. But it hurts and he can’t help himself, rubbing at the scar and curling inwards on himself.

“You gone deaf or something? Stop fucking fidgeting.” He receives a kick under the table and feels himself flinch.

“Mister Solomons! What on earth has gotten into you today?” Esther exclaims and pins Alfie with a furious look. With nothing but a glare in response, Alfie gets up from the table with the paper in hand and stomps off, slamming the door behind him.

Tommy claws at the scar.

Crossing the room in two long strides, Esther sits down next to him, takes his hand away from his head and places it in his lap where she holds it still.

“Don’t mind him, he’s just in a strange mood today,” she says softly. “Could be his back causing trouble again. Always makes him act like a bit of an arse. Alright? It’s nothing to do with you.”

But it has. He knows.

…

He stays with Esther all day. She asks him to come along when she leaves the kitchen and he follows like a shadow.

Everything is bad and strange. He can’t put his finger on why, and knows that he could have, before. But now his head is the way it is and all he knows is that it’s bad. That he must’ve done something wrong. Grace tells him Alfie’s tired of him and that does make sense but he must’ve donesomething too, but there are so many things to pick from that he can’t figure out what to change.

Until he has it’s better if he leaves Alfie alone.

He spends the afternoon curled up in a corner of the laundry room watching Esther hang rows and rows of sheets up to dry.

When Alfie comes in to read to him that night, he sits in the chair. Not the way it’s supposed to be, but at least he came. And listening to his voice finally makes all the others go quiet. They’ve been so loud all day. Tommy closes his eyes and just listens, can slowly feel some of the tension that’s been wrapped around his spine melt away, feel his limbs growing heavy and how he almost sinks into the mattress. The stubborn ache in his head seems to fade.

But then Alfie goes quiet and the chair creaks as he gets up. The dread in the pit of his stomach grows with every step across the floor.

He curls up under the blanket and clenches it tightly between his fingers.

He wants to say something, wants to ask Alfie to stay, beg him not to leave him alone again but he can’t get a single word out.

The door closes, and he’s alone.

He keeps his eyes firmly fixed on the wall opposite the bed, doing anything to avoid looking over to the corner and catch a glimpse of white fabric. And his eyelids feel so heavy but he can’t close them, can’t close them and fall asleep and wake up alone again. But the thought of being all alone in the dark all night is just as unbearable…

He pulls the blanket up over his head and waits for dawn.

…

The day that follows is bad. Worse. Things are slipping away again already, memories, thoughts and words falling out of his head like wet sand or mud, making it hard to understand when Esther speaks. Even more difficult with Alfie, the few things he does say. And they’re all so loud today, everyone, all talking at once.

He walks around in a daze, goes where he’s told to go, sits where he’s told to sit, tries and fails to eat when food is put in front of him.

Esther tells him he’s looking pale, a bit ill even, thinks that he should rest instead of going out in the cold, but Alfie doesn’t offer to take him for a walk so it doesn’t matter.

Alfie still comes in to read to him that evening. Which doesn’t make any sense, doesn’t make any sense nothing make sense- Alfie is angry, resents him, why wouldn’t he? Look at that scar, the ruined eye-

He listens even if it’s hard to keep up. Just to have Alfie close, to not be alone.

When Alfie closes the book and goes to leave, he can’t help himself.

“Stay.”

Alfie stops halfway across the floor. Sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose.

He answers without turning to face him: “Just… close your eyes and go to sleep, alright?”

Then he makes for the door and Tommy gets out of bed on unsteady legs, hurries over and grabs his shirtsleeve.

“Please.”

“Fuck, Tommy, I need a good night’s sleep,” Alfie grunts, pulling his arm away and backing off. “It’s absolutely bloody impossible under these circumstances, with you waking up screaming every other minute.”

What did he do wrong? He tries to comb through his memories, find whatever he did but it’s everything, isn’t it? It’s everything and now he’s pushed Alfie away and he’s going to be alone, all alone.

Alfie shuts the door in his face. And he knows there’s nothing but an empty cavity in his chest, but something still breaks in there.

…

It’s safer out in the living room, so he goes there, his chestnut clenched tightly in one hand and the blanket in the other. Alfie’s crow is back. It’s sitting on its usual place on the shelf, looking at him with bright, curious eyes.

He tells the crow it can’t disappear like that. Apologizes for scaring it that time, by the window. Then he shows it the chestnut, because it’s very pretty and since the crow lives mostly indoors perhaps it’s never seen one like it? The crow looks very interested in the chestnut, cocking its head and blinking, so he makes sure not to hold it too close. It’s his, so the crow can’t have it. Alfie gave it to him. It’s a gift, see? A very nice gift too. The crow seems to understand when he explains that and makes no move to take the chestnut. He tries very hard to ignore everyone else. The room is crowded, and they’re all being awfully loud. That’s not good. They’ll wake Alfie up and Alfie won’t like that, all these people in his living room in the middle of the night. John is sitting in one of the armchairs, feet propped on the table, and the gaping holes in his chest are leaking blood everywhere. It’s pooling all over the floor. That’s going to be hard to clean up and Esther already has enough to deal with.

When a hand lands on his shoulder he flinches, because they can’t usually touch him.

It’s Esther standing there, hair gathered into a long braid and with a knitted cardigan pulled tautly around her.

Her mouth moves but he can’t hear what she’s saying, there’s too much noise.

She looks so worried and it’s his fault.

The crow’s shelf is empty again. That’s not good, why can’t it just stay put? Then again birds are like that, aren’t they? Flighty… And it’s nice outdoors too, with the pretty trees and the grass-

“ -back to bed, alright?”

Esther wraps an arm around his shoulders and leads him out of the room. If all the blood on the floor bothers her she doesn’t let it show.

He obediently gets back into bed and lets Esther pile several blankets on him. Grace watches from the corner of the room, silent, head tilted ever so slightly. A bit like the crow.

“Try to sleep a little,” Esther says and smooths his hair back. “It’ll get better if you sleep.”

Yes, better, he’ll sleep and get better and tomorrow he’ll show Alfie that he can be better so Alfie won’t be angry anymore and stay with him at night and tell him stories and take him to look at the trees and the grass. And smile at him again.

…

It’s too hard to get out of bed the next morning. Esther comes in with breakfast but his muscles have all withered away to nothing and he can’t sit up. When she talks he can barely puzzle the words together, can only manage a few at a time. Try to eat. Are you feeling sick? Do you need anything?

Is there anything I can do to help?

Alfie doesn’t come in. Esther is angry with him. He can hear them arguing, among all the other voices. He should get out of bed -stay in bed- go out and tell them it’s okay. He’s all better now. Eat something, go for a walk, even if he has to go on his own. But he’s just very tired. It’s strange, being so tired but unable to sleep.

When it gets dark, Esther comes in to read to him. Alfie’s got a headache, she tells him. But tomorrow he’ll read an extra chapter and it’s nice to think of that. For a little while, Tommy pretends it’s true.

…

The hours are melting together. Bleeding into another night and another grey morning, it’s all the same. The way it was in the beginning. Maybe it was a dream, that space in between, the walks and Alfie reading and smiling at him and talking about flowers in the sunlight, it does sound like a dream. A nice one. But the chestnut is still in his hand, he hasn’t let it go, that way he can feel that it’s real. Remember that Alfie gave it to him.

It doesn’t really matter. Alfie is sick of him now.

Far away, he hears someone talking. Hard to know who.

“Alright, that’s fucking it, you’ve sulked enough.”

The voice is angry. Alfie is angry. He doesn’t want him to be angry and if he could sit up and eat and start talking again maybe he wouldn’t be so angry, but it’s too late for that, too little too late Alfie’s got a scar to remind him-

“Been four fucking days you’ve been lying here feeling sorry for yourself.”

He can only see Alfie’s legs, but he can picture him, arms crossed, eyebrows furrowed. He closes his eyes, tries to shut the image out.

“Go on, get up.”

Maybe he’s already dead and buried, far, far underneath the ground. That’s why everything is so far away, why he can’t move.

Why is Alfie here?

Alfie curses. Strong fingers wrap around his wrists. It hurts. It’s the first thing he truly feels in days but it hurts and he doesn’t want Alfie touching him that way, wants him to stroke his hair and hold him and be gentle and-

“For fuck’s sake Tommy, sit the fuck up,” Alfie snaps. Pulls him upright, but he’s got no strength to stay that way. And he tries to tell Alfie but he can’t. “You’re getting out of this bed whether you like it or not.”

An arm wraps around his back. Numb feet on cold floorboards and he all but falls into Alfie. Just wants to feel safe again, feel something, anything.

“For fuck’s sake, you’ll have to at least stand up on your own! Fucking ridiculous-“

Alfie’s arms disappear and he grapples for support but gets a hard shove.

The floor knocks the air out of his lungs. He falls through it, through the surface of the muddy field and into the cold darkness, dirt and mud and rocks fall over him. He curls up, arms around his head.

“Fuckin’ ell it’s just one thing after another today, innit? Come on Tommy, get off the bloody floor.”

Alfie’s voice is far away, far above him it’s hard to hear through all the dirt and he wants to scream and beg for help, but he can’t make a sound.

“What is happening in here?” Esther’s voice joins Alfie’s and her steps vibrate through the floorboards, thud against the packed dirt crushing his head.

Then they’re yelling, Alfie and Esther. At each other. He’s never heard Esther yell like that.

“Get out! Get out right now or so help me God I’m going to do something I’ll regret.”

His lungs are screaming for air but there’s no air here and a loud ringing fills his ears, drowning out what little he can hear of the voices. He grasps his head tighter, feeling the bullet move in there. Lodged in between the cracked bone and all those torn nerves

Then Esther grabs him and pulls him out of the mud, must’ve stuck her hands all the way through the ground because there were no shovels. Cradles him against her chest and holds him tightly.

“Oh, it’s alright love, you’re okay, everything will be okay.”

Then she rocks him back and forth as he gasps for air

“Let’s get you back to bed.

I can’t, he tries to say, but his throat and chest are full of dirt so it only turns into a feeble little whine. But Esther is strong, and his bones are hollow so she just lifts him.

He’s in bed again when he finally opens his eyes. Esther is sitting on the edge of the mattress, pulling all the blankets up around him. Her eyes are wide and sad, her mouth a tight, worried line.

“There we go,” she says and tries to smile, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “Safe and sound.”

“Do you see this? See what you’ve done?”

He closes his eyes again, can’t bear this.

And Esther runs her finger through his hair and it reminds him of Alfie, how for a moment he’d made him feel like something more than a burden or an obligation and now he’ll never-

“It’ll get better,” Esther whispers. “I know that everything feels pitch black right now, but it’ll get better.”

The tears come before he can stop them. Hot and wet as they trail down his cheeks.

…

Esther sits with him the rest of the day. She’s got a deep, worried wrinkle between her eyebrows that doesn’t go away, even though she tries to smile encouragingly when she brings him soup, then tea when he can’t eat. And then water when even the tea is too much. Sits him up and holds the cup to his mouth to help him drink. Lights a cigarette for him, but puts it out with a sigh when he only stares at it.

Already withered away, rotting in the ground, maybe his lungs have stopped working? Hard to smoke then.

Grace waits patiently in the corner. She won’t tire, even if Alfie has. Even if Esther is about to. She’ll be there.

“I promised, didn’t I?”

When the sun sets, Esther is still by his bedside. She’s reading, he can tell because her mouth is moving, but the words don’t make any sense. The letters are falling out, switching place. She looks pale and almost grey despite the light from the lamp, the way Lizzie’s face looks, the way they all look and it’s not fair to her.

“There’s no place for you here.”

He knows that. Maybe there’s never been, really, but it was easier to pretend when Alfie-

He closes his eyes and tries to stay still. It’s hard because he’s wracked with these faint tremors that won’t stop. But eventually he feels the featherlight touch of a hand over his hair, and then soft footsteps creak over the floorboards. Esther doesn’t close the door all the way, she never does.

Tommy waits until the whole house has gone quiet and still that way a house only is when everyone is asleep.

It’s hard to get out of bed, very hard. He leaves the blanket there on the bed, it doesn’t belong to him after all and maybe he should find his old clothes? These aren’t his, but he’s not sure where Esther put his… But he pulls off the thick, knitted sweater and the socks, he’ll take as little as possible, so things can be just like they were before and Esther will go back to smiling with dimples in her cheeks and Alfie can have some peace and quiet, it’ll be as if he were never here at all-

He brings the chestnut, because that was a gift and it’s alright to keep gifts isn’t it?

“This is for the best, Tommy,” Grace’s voice is soft. She’s pleased now that he’s finally listening. “You’ll get to rest now.”

The animals are gone from the hallway and that’s strange but maybe the they went outside? It can’t be nice for them to be indoors. The moon is shining in through the glass doors in the living room, casting a square of light onto the corridor floor. Better to leave through that door, the front door always creaks.

Maybe he should say thank you and apologize for everything before he leaves? No, it’s better to leave a note, he’ll do that, he’ll leave a note so they don’t have to wonder, so Esther knows, he can put it on the kitchen table and she’ll see it first thing in the morning before she even makes tea, she doesn’t have to look after him anymore… But he doesn’t know where Alfie keeps his pencils and maybe it’ll make Alfie angry, he doesn’t know if he’s allowed to use them-

It’s taken a lot out of him to just get out of bed and walk those steps out into the hallway because his knees, legs, all of him feel very weak. Maybe that’s why he ends up leaned against the wall opposite Alfie’s bedroom door.

“Tommy, you have to go now.”

He just needs to rest just-

“Tommy-“

-just wants to see him before he goes.

The door swings open quietly

He can just barely make out the outline of Alfie’s body in the dark, but he can hear his deep breaths. The familiar sound ignites an ache in his chest, and he’s so tired, so tired. Maybe he can rest for just a moment? And then he’ll go. Just a moment. Grace tells him no, but it’s easier to ignore her when he can listen to Alfie breathing in the dark.

It’s cold on the floor, but it’s not too bad.

And he’s just going to stay for a short while.

…

“Bloody hell, Tommy, what are you doing here?” the voice is raspy and quiet. Maybe it’s the doctor, but the doctor doesn’t curse.

A pair of feet land on the hardwood floor in front of him. That’s strange, why is he on the floor?

“Fuck,” the voice curses again. “You’re bloody freezing. How long have you been here, hm? Floors really aren’t meant to be slept on… Tommy, go on, look at me.” He is looking, but everything is dark and blurry and he can’t focus.

“What have we said about this, Tommy, you can’t be sitting in places like this. You’ll get cold.”

“Tommy, come on.” Someone shakes him. He blinks, tries to see who it is. Lizzie’s face appears in front of him, fades into Grace’s, his mother’s- father’s. That seems right. But he can’t remember his father having a scar like that… “For fucks sake why do you have to fucking be like this-“ A long string of words he doesn’t understand but that could be curses the way he spits them. “Fine, fucking stay there, see if I care, alright? Plenty of other fucking rooms to sleep in.”

Heavy footsteps and more grunted curses. The door slams. Dad always slams doors. Always has to be loud. The sound cuts through his head and he wraps his arms around it to somehow shield it from the white hot pain.

The room goes oddly quiet now when he’s left. As if everyone else left too.

Then the footsteps come back. More curses.

“Okay, yeah, yeah I know, I’ve gone all soft, haven’t I? Come on, up you go.” More shaking, he wishes it’d stop, tries to say something but all that comes out is a choked sob. A light flickers on and he squeezes his eyes shut. It’s too bright, too much. “Fuck, Tommy, I- come here-” there’s a twinge of worry in the voice now, and the hands finally stop shaking him. Instead he finds himself being pulled upright and held against a warm chest. “It’s alright, I’ve got you now. You’ll be okay, you’ll be fine…”

Alfie- Alfie, he has to apologize, make things right, he’ll be good, he’ll be so good and if Alfie just tells him what he’s done wrong he can promise never to do it again. And he wants to apologize but the air gets stuck in his throat and his teeth chatter together too hard. Alfie’s arms wrap tightly around him -safe, safe, safe -

He tries to move and Tommy clings to his shirt “Shh, shh, I’ll just go fetch that hot water bottle to warm you up a little. I know you like that-“

Don’t leave, please don’t leave please- All that comes out is this broken, guttural noise. Alfie hushes him again, laying a hand on the back of his head.

“Okay, okay message received, not going anywhere. How about we just, we just lie down then for a little bit? Yeah?”

Alfie’s bed is warm and soft and full of blankets and pillows but it feels like he’s about to lose a limb when Alfie sets him down

“It’s okay, I’m not going anywhere, you’ll be okay.” Alfie lays down, covers them both with the blankets and pulls him close, rubbing circles over his back. “There we go. That’s better, innit? Yeah. You just need a bit of rest, don’t you?”

“I did something wrong I’m sorry, I- please-“ The words jumble together because he’s got too many to get out at once and it’s so hard to explain anything at all. Alfie continues hushing.

“Shh, shh now, you haven’t… done anything, alright? This is all on me. I’m just a fucking idiot. Got all up in my own head and fucked things up, didn’t I?”

He doesn’t understand and tries to ask but Alfie just keeps stroking his hair and hushing. “Doesn’t matter. You did nothing wrong. Well, you are more difficult to take care of than feral kitten but we’re managing just fine I reckon. Well, at least Esther is. But you’ve got nothing to worry about. Okay? Just sleep.” Alfie mutters into his hair. “And tomorrow I promise we’ll go for a walk and we’ll read and everything will be just fine.”

It doesn’t sound real. But the voices usually don’t tell him things he wants to hear, so maybe it is after all?

“This bed is more comfortable, innit? Granted it’s hard to find something worse than a hardwood floor to sleep on. Gravel would be a contender though-” Alfie talks and talks. Holds him so close that Tommy can hear the heartbeat in his chest. Feel his own heart mimic Alfie’s, finally slowing down. He tries to stay awake now, doesn’t want to wake up and realise it was all a dream, but finally his eyelids are too heavy and Alfie’s voice too soothing.

“Stay,” he whispers.

“I’m right here aren’t I?”

Tommy tugs at his shirt.

“Stay.”

Alfie sighs. Squeezes him tightly. “Yeah. I’m staying.”

Tommy lets his eyes fall shut.

#alfie x tommy #Tommy Shelby #Alfie Solomons #peaky blinder fanfic #breathe again

44 notes · View notes

ichor-and-symbiosis · 5 years ago

Note

(1/3) Hear me out (Tenko and Hero!GF) imagine this, Kotaro force Tenko to breakup with you by telling him he’ll ruin your reputation. Because your reputation shouldn’t be tinted because of his father, Tenko did. You’re is left heart broken and sobbing without a proper reason. Tenko fell into depression, which mean Kotaro can manipulate Tenko into doing what he wants: marry a girl from a well off family/non-hero. Tenko did. He doesn’t love that girl. But he did to keep his father happy. - 🌹

i am an absolute RAT for neglecting these beautiful asks for so long, especially considering this is my favorite au!! i’m sorry anon, i had this written a while ago and had no energy to finish it until now ;-;

- there were many clever tactics kotarou thought of to break this relationship apart. he could have told tenko that his villainous quirk will only cast judgement upon you simply by association, or perhaps you had some secret that you did not want the world to know. either way, kotarou stops at nothing to convince tenko to break up with you, because in his mind, he believes he is doing this with tenko’s best interests at heart. this, to him, is not pettiness. this is a father trying to protect his son. - no signs indicated that your relationship would ever come to an end. if anything, you were both certain that you would marry each other soon, because you were madly in love. so when tenko breaks it off with you, you are left blind sighted and completely devastated. you hadn’t even imagined a life without him since you first started dating. and likewise, this was the hardest thing tenko has ever had to do. seeing you cry made him sick with guilt, but he only wanted to protect you from his father. this was a necessary evil. no matter how much you begged him to reconsider, tenko was convinced that you would be happier without him in your life, if only so that kotarou would not bother you. - you both fall into a deep depression after the breakup. tenko was always a bit withdrawn, but he had warmed up considerably when you entered his life. now, he was worse than ever, neglecting his health and personal life and not giving a damn about it. kotarou expected this, so he let his son grieve for some time. but when he notices that tenko isn’t getting any better, he takes matters into his own hands to help him forget about you. resigned to a life without you, tenko agrees to meet the girl kotarou wanted to set him up with. he may as well — they would all be subpar compared to you, so he may as well get it over with.

- the young woman was born into a wealthy family and reaped the benefits of her heritage tenfold. she is vivacious and larger than life, older than tomura and upholds some of kotarou’s ignorant ideas, and is the perfect trust fund kid who has grandiose visions for useless ideas and far too much money to funnel into her projects. but it keeps her busy, and she is fairly nice to his family, so tenko goes with it. the hardest moments are when he starts to actually enjoy her presence, because his mind would immediately think about you. but those moments come as quick as they go. this woman always found some way to grate his nerves at least a little. - while tenko struggles to regain a sense of normalcy in his life, you were at a crossroads. as if the breakup hadn’t been bad enough, you discover that you are pregnant. what the hell could you possibly do? should you confront tenko and fight to get him back? kotarou would only think of you as a gold digger trying to use your pregnancy to worm your way into his family. initially, you settle on simply telling tenko about it. no strings attached. you knew him, you knew that he wanted to start a family of his own. besides, this child was the fruit of your love, so how could he not love this child? - you feel invigorated. slowly but surely, tenko would come back into your life. except you stumble upon him with that woman, and all of your hopes and dreams come crashing down. you don’t know what hurts more: the fact that he moved on far quicker than you had, or that you were gullible enough to think he would still pine for you. - you carry through with the pregnancy all on your own. kotarou’s biased logic filtered through your head whenever you headed to work, reminding you that your career put you in danger and increased your chances of not living long enough to see your child grow. children, you had to remind yourself. you were carrying twins. - you decide to retire from the front lines to use your skill set in a safer setting. a simple office job. it was ideal for you and your new little family. the twins already lacked a father; you couldn’t bear the thought of them losing their mother, too. - the moment you see your newborn children for the first time, you break down into tears. they have dark hair just like him. and when their eye color sets in, it is that same crimson shade you loved so much. - it is difficult. motherhood is new territory for you, especially with two babies and a full-time job to juggle. but you make it work, because every time you come home to those sweet little faces, you feel so indescribably happy, even when a part of you still suffered from the loss of your lover. - four years later, tenko is in a hell of a rut. his life is mundane and he is constantly reminded of the fact that he married someone entirely incompatible with him. it had been easy to tolerate in the beginning, but once the honeymoon period wore off, the fighting began. his wife keeps pestering him to finally give her a child, and he dreads the inevitable. worst of all, he had managed to hear by word of mouth that you were no longer a hero, for whatever reason. you were no longer the thing that his father hated, and yet here tenko was, stuck in a loveless marriage when he could have been with you all these years. the thought makes him unspeakably angry at times, and unfortunately he lets it out on his wife. it is not a healthy relationship. - you, however, have moved on for the most part. there simply hasn’t been time to prolong your sadness when you had two hungry mouths to feed. tenko may not be in your life anymore, but you had your beautiful children and that was good enough for you. - you cross paths one day, completely by chance. who could ever think that a boring shopping trip would lead to tenko seeing you for the first time in years. and you looked just as beautiful as you always had. his heart clenched tightly in his chest and he felt his knees go weak at the sight of you. you hadn’t noticed him yet, and he took the opportunity to watch you for a little while longer. he didn’t know if he should go talk to you or not, and while his indecisiveness rooted him to the spot, his attention suddenly shifted to a little boy that tugged at your arm asking for sweets. tenko furrowed his brows in confusion, anxiety welling up within him as his suspicions were about to be confirmed. and then he sees the little girl holding your hand.- and he sees the dark hair. the red eyes. - he nearly throws up from the onslaught of emotions that overtake him. it couldn’t be. it just couldn’t be. - the little girl notices tenko staring at you and shyly whispers to you about the strange man hiding behind a stack of canned food. you lock eyes as the little boy demands tenko to stop being a creep, and you are both rendered silent, too shocked to do anything other than simply look at each other. old feelings resurface in an instant. you both feel a magnetic pull, and tenko nearly succumbs to it. you are the first to regain your senses, because you have children to take care of, and you could not afford to rouse their suspicion. with a brisk nod to tenko you usher the twins forward as you walk away. tenko is left standing there, numb and overcome with feelings.- he wants to go straight to his father’s house and kill him. his hands are practically itching from restraint, and he goes back to his old habit of scratching at his neck, even though you helped him get over this coping mechanism a while ago. tenko goes on a long walk instead, so long that his wife has been bombarding his phone well into the night, but he doesn’t care. he needs to think. he needs to understand what he saw. - one way or another, you both find each other again at the grocery store. tenko had been waiting for you for days in that store in hopes of seeing you, and you knew him well enough to know that he would do something dramatic like this. so you appear one day without the children, distant and polite as you finally muster up the mental fortitude to speak with him. - this conversation warranted a more serious setting, but tenko didn’t want to risk his wife seeing you, and you did not want him in your house. so you go to a large park and find a secluded area to talk. and talk you did, for a very long time. tenko is practically choking with guilt and resentment towards everyone in his life for putting you both in this ridiculous circumstance. if only things had been a little different, if only you two had a little more time together, then none of this would have happened. all of these years, wasted. worst of all, his suspicions were confirmed - those two children were his, and he missed out on so many important milestones. - he wants you back immediately. he wants you so, so fucking much, he’s never stopped loving you. and he tells you this, as selfish as it is. he hates himself for hurting you like this, because you had already moved on, but you are the mother of his children, damn it. you were his real family, not the woman he grew to resent. - you are too afraid to start a relationship just yet, but you do agree to introduce him to the children. tenko pulls you in for a bone crushing hug when you say that. he nearly kisses you, with how close your beautiful face is to his, but he restrains himself. there will be time for that later. he’s going to win you back, and he will never let you go. - for once, his life was starting to get better. tenko finally feels like he has a purpose, a direction in life. but he needs to settle a score. this time, he goes to his father’s house. and as soon as he sees him, he punches the bastard right in his face. the argument that ensues is perhaps the most severe they’ve ever had, even worse than when kotarou had to convince tenko to leave you. - when he tells kotarou about the children, he feels a sick satisfaction when kotarou falls silent, and his family is left in various stages of shock. he forbids them from talking to him, or trying to contact you. he wants nothing to do with his family, even his mother and sister. they may not have had any part in kotarou’s schemes, but they were always ultimately on his side, and he hates them now more than ever. hana of course does not allow this negativity to brew between them. she is team tenko for life from now on and is resolved to help him. his mother is devastated by how everything had fallen apart, how she had grandchildren she never knew about. she cries over this for days and doesn’t speak to kotarou. - when the initial shock of everything settles down, tenko is there for his children every step of the way. he fights hard to win their trust and friendship, which is relatively easy, because he already loves them so much and they can sense his joy when they want to be with him. - and how could your relationship with tenko not prosper? despite everything, you can’t resist falling back into deep friendship. but you can’t bring yourself to enter a physical relationship with him, no matter how horribly tempting it is, because tenko is still married and you can’t condone cheating. you don’t want to be the side chick, no matter how in love you two were. - tenko calls up his lawyer that night, gets those divorce papers, and hands them to his wife as soon as he sees her. and we all know he’s in for a hell of a fight. every excuse he offers is swiftly shut down. he’s fallen out of love with her? tough shit, that’s marriage. he’s cheating on her? now she’s not divorcing him out of spite. it’s only when he confesses that he has children that she becomes genuinely heartbroken. she’s always wanted children, and tenko always made excuses. now that she knows about you, about the history you two shared, she is so overcome with jealousy that she doubles down on her refusal to divorce him. - no problem. enter kotarou, properly whipped to hell and back by his family and eager to get on their good side again. he’s too damn old and tired to keep up the drama, especially now that you aren’t a hero. there just isn’t any point to all of this. his powerful business connections allow him to put pressure on the wife’s family to convince her to take a settlement and sign the papers. to tenko’s endless relief, she relents in the end. - with nothing standing in the way of your happiness, tenko moves in with you and you become a proper family. you get married as soon as you feel confident in his love for you again, and you conceive on your wedding night. tenko loves his children very much, but he is also ecstatic about the chance to be there for your third child, to feel like a proper father and support you like he’s always wanted to. - you better believe ya’ll live happily ever after.

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