#but even platonically . adorable. he's rooting for her always <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[zestials-archive]

pre - established relationship meme / not accepting.

send a ♡ and i’ll fill this out for our muses !  i’ll bold what i want for their relationship, italic what i could see and strike out what i don’t .

@vanaglcria sent ── ♡ for Carmilla?

FRIENDS.   childhood friends  /  work friends  /  family friends  /  recently friends  /  turning antagonistic  /  turning into something romantic  /  stable  /  falling apart  /  friendship of need  /  friendship of circumstance  pen - pals or internet friends  /  coworkers  /  partners  /  other .

ROMANCE.   childhood sweethearts  /  newly entered  /  soulmates  /  skinny love  /  unrequited from my muses side  /  unrequited from your muses side  /  friends with benefits  /  awkward  /  fading  /  turning  toxic  /  toxic  and  destructive  /  other .

FAMILIAL BOND.   sibling bond  /  older sibling figure to your muse  /  younger sibling figure to your muse  /  parental figure to your muse  /  parental figure to your muse  /  guardian figure  /  legal  guardian  /  other .

ENEMIES.   dangerous to themselves  /  dangerous to others  /  unpredictable  /  passionate  /  rivals  /  petty  /  developing into a sexual tension  /  developing into a romantic tension  /  based off family matters  /  based of circumstance  /  based of professional matters  /  based of misunderstandings or lies  /  other .

[k-eilonwy]

decided to get back to my roots for a bit and tackle redesigns of my all-time favourite mlp G3 dream team : 3 these five have shaped my early 2010s and helped me to grow both as an artist and storyteller (i started writing silly little fanfics and my own take on the then-hypothetical G5 based on G3 and these five characters in particular), so they have, and always will have my entire heart.

i came up my own kind of au version of G3 and here are some of my small headcanons for each character!!

Rainbow Dash:

her parents are Parasol (G1 pony) and Barnacle (G1).

she is the oldest (and the tallest!) of the five.

she is a major fashionista and diva, but with a hint of adventurousness and even ferocity behind those eyes. Dash is a fan of all things beautiful, be it bright colours, grand celebrations, and more down-to-earth values.

naturally, her craft is related to rainbows - she draws them with the special paint she makes herself, and it's a very rare knowledge among the Ponyville citizens (Unicornia's rainbow-creating magic works on the same basis as Dash's paint, she just makes it without the unicornian magic involved).

oftentimes she is the voice of reason for her friends.

in her free time she designs clothing in collaboration with Sew-and-So and funds/runs fashion shows.

isn't the biggest fan of sweets (thinks it spoils her figure and coat).

absolutely adores rainy weather (cause rainbows).

is a sap for romance and cheep romantic novels.

Spike:

was born in a dragon tribe living far from pony societies.

was born wingless and with water-based powers, while most dragons breathed fire and had wings, so he's an oddball amongst the common dragons.

the dragons were supposed to work with pony royalty/leaders and protect them. The way the dragons chose did it was passing a test of obtaining a very rare flower only meant to be gifted to the royalty - the Royal Everbloom, a flower which was near impossible to maintain/grow but could bloom for forever.

Spike failed to pass his test of safely delivering the Royal Everbloom back to the tribe, failing to protect the flower from a bad storm so it withered under hard rain. However, Wysteria noticed Spike struggling to keep the flower safe just outside her cottage and brought them both inside - nursing the poor dragon and the flower back to health. It suddenly bloomed under her care, so by the old tradition, it meant that Wysteria belonged to royalty.

cue the events of Princess Promenade pretty much the same as they went down in the original as Spike played the role of mentor and royal advisor to Wysteria. She still rejected the title in the end, proclaiming that Ponyville didn't need royalty to govern over them and that she was no more special than any other.

Spike is humbled (and charmed) by her worldview and decides that he rather enjoys the simple life of local ponies - besides, he has grown deeply devoted to Wysteria and doesn't want their friendship to end, so he parts with his tribe and lives with the purple gardener in her little cottage.

he greatly helps Wystie with gardening - his water-breathing powers come in handy while working with plants! He finds that even if he doesn't breathe fire like "normal" dragons, he still can make his abilities work in other fields.

he is often the brains of the group - his exotic dragonic upbringing is a great contrast to the ponies' more down-to-earth worldviews.

is a vegetarian (idk if all dragons in this universe are or it's just him, but-).

is a big fan of literature of all kinds, especially poetry.

generally is a huge nerd and is prone to rambling about his favourite subjects. Not the most outgoing person, more of an introvert, especially in contrast to most ponies (that's why they match their energies with Wysteria so well).

absolutely adores Wysteria, they are something of platonic soulmates/life-partners. Can be very protective of her, even though he is usually non-threatening/pretty chill (he is her personal dragon guardian!)

Wysteria:

her parents are Blossom (G1) and Salty (G1).

Petal Blossom (G2) is her maternal older cousin.

Wysteria took to gardening and flower arrangement since early years from her mother. Participated in a lot of local fair gardening competitions through her fillyhood and won the majority of them (the trophies are kept at her parents’ house). 

moved out from her parents’ house once she had managed to save up enough money to purchase a small but neat cottage at the edge of the woods; it is located near Ponyville, but quite far from its centre. Pinkie, Minty and Dash like to visit their bestie and her dragon friend on weekends and each time together they plan some really fun activities. 

during spring and summer seasons, Wysteria lives off selling flowers and bouquets at Ponyville’s biggest market. Once autumn hits however, she and Spike stay at one of their three closest friends’, Pinkie, Minty or Dash’s, house until next spring - each year they stay at a different pony’s house. Wysteria and Spike help out with chores and share household duties during their stays, but even regardless of that their friends are simply happy to let the two live with them.  

Wysteria is socially anxious and quite solitary, content with keeping a limited circle of friends to spend time with. Akin to Snufkin she requires a lot of “alone” time away from others, that’s why she likes living so far from the town. However she is very dependable and very very kind, so a lot of ponies confide in her.

hates. weeds. so. much.

often feeds stray and forest animals coming to her cottage. Is fond of bunnies and birds the most.

Pinkie Pie:

her parents are Cotton Candy Snr. (G1) and Slugger (G1). Is a twin sister to Cotton Candy Jr (G3).

Pinkie runs a gift shop along with Minty, her bestie since fillyhood and a life-partner.

works as a party planner as her second job - generally just love celebrations and organising events.

she is a natural leader and is able to make even opposing groups come and work together. Sociable and easy-going, pretty chill to be around.

isn't easily scared and usually doesn't believe things she can't see with her own eyes or try out.

has a MAJOR sweet-tooth: her sister runs an ice-cream cafe, so there's that.

has a "supernatural" ability to come up with a solution to almost anything, - using Pinkie's squink (basically just squeezing her eyes tight and thinking long enough).

is drawn to photography and films.

Minty:

her parents are Minty Snr. (G1) and Steamer (G1). Ice Crystal (G1) is her maternal uncle.

everyone's favourite disaster-monger.

works in a gift shop alongside Pinkie. Generally can't function well without her supervision lol.

Clutzy and socially anxious, but in a different way than Wysteria, Minty is obsessive, hyperactive and makes up for her awkwardness with her pony-pleasing attitude. Enjoys helping others out, it makes her feel important.

can't sit still for long period of time, needs an outlet for her excessive energy.

collects SOCKS.

winter is her favourite season; it reminds her of warmth and companionship of her friends huddled close by the fireplace. Exchanging gifts and stories. Making others smile.

is surprisingly good at checkers.

is claustrophobic, hates being limited.

doesn't enjoy reading that much, but rather likes picture-book illustrations.

[eddiethehunted]

i want you to touch it softly (ao3)

believe it or not, this one isn't a wip, it's COMPLETE! rated: m (to be safe, tbh could probably be rated t) | cw: drug use, horny discussion, eddie has a thing for his hair getting pulled (implied) | wc: 1.6k | robin/vickie mentioned, platonic stobin, mutual pining, steve being into hair care and skincare, idiot4idiot, the usual <3 title from ariana grande 'my hair'

—————

Steve’s curled into a corner of the couch, watching the movie with glazed eyes, his knees drawn up to his chest. Robin’s feeling a little buzzed herself, laying on her side on the other end of the couch, with Eddie sat cross legged on the floor in front of her, scribbling away in a notebook.

Without really thinking much about it, she reaches forward and starts playing with Eddie’s hair. He startles at first, glancing over his shoulder, but she just smiles at him and twirls a curl around her finger and he relaxes, so she doesn’t stop.

“Okay, I have to know,” she says, because really, Eddie’s curls are beautiful, just really dry and frizzy and she’s stoned and nosy and curious. “Is this a perm? Or is it natural?”

Eddie looks offended, shooting her a reproachful look over his shoulder and saying, “It’s natural.”

She nods, twirling a piece around her finger again. She can see Steve on the other end of the couch looking over sulkily. Jealous. She thinks it’s adorable, the way Steve quickly looks away when she glances over at him.

“It’s so crunchy,” Robin says, “how much hairspray do you have in here?”

Another affronted look. “None! I just washed my hair before I came here.”

It’s still a bit damp around the roots, so she knows he’s not lying. She gets her fingers really in it, pulls his head back a little bit, and he makes this weird sound in the back of his throat. It’s something between pleased and irritated, like when you pet a cat that can’t decide if it wants to purr or claw at your hand.

Steve huffs and pretends he’s still watching the movie, but Robin bets he’s jealous as hell right now. He has expressed to Robin several times how badly he wants to be allowed to play with Eddie’s hair but he can’t because that’s weird and guy friends don’t do that and he doesn’t want to make Eddie uncomfortable.

As if Eddie doesn’t melt into a puddle of horny lovesick goo the second Steve so much as brushes against him.

It’s not really her place to tell him how many times Eddie has complained to her about his own pathetic crush, though, so she never does. Just lets them both lament and pine and complain to her about how badly they want each other, and how sad and tragic and woeful their lives are that it’ll never be requited love. Pats Eddie’s shoulder when he covers his face and whisper screams into his hands when Steve walks by wearing those stupid jock shorts and lets Steve lay his head in her lap and whine about Eddie’s arms and his hands and his mouth and—kinda just everything.

(It’s only fair, though. They’ve both heard enough of her salivating over the short skirts Vickie always wears on their dates. And that one low cut shirt she wears that shows off her cute tits. The least she can do is listen, even if it kinda makes her want to bash her head into the wall sometimes.)

Steve likes hair, she knows. Skincare too. He likes products and he understands skin types and hair textures pretty well, considering she’s sure he’s never learnt anything cosmetic-related, at least not formally. He put her on some new shampoo a few months ago and her hair’s never been so soft and healthy and wavy before.

Eddie’s hair is dry. It’s kinda fried, even. It’s brittle and tangled and not really rough to the touch, but definitely not as soft as it could be, and she knows it drives Steve insane. Like, Steve likes Eddie’s hair like it is—she’s sat through way too many sexually frustrated rants about how badly he wants to mess it up—but he knows how to help it, and he wants to, because it’s like, his love language or something.

“Damn. Your hair is dry.” Robin glances sidelong at Steve again, trying to project her thoughts into his mind. “You should use a hair mask or something.”

“Some of us are poor,” Eddie says indignantly, jerking his head away. He scoots closer to Steve’s side of the couch, out of her reach, and glowers at her as he pulls his notes to the other side of the coffee table. “My hair’s fine, thank you very fucking much.”

“I’m poor too, dumbass,” Robin points out. “I just steal Steve’s stuff.”

Steve snorts, letting his head loll back against the back of the couch, his eyelids heavy. He’s been quiet all night—he gets that way sometime when he’s high, just stops talking and sits there, quietly listening to whatever’s going on around him—but he speaks up for the first time in over an hour to mumble, “Not stealing if I’m givin’ it to you.”

“Whatever,” Robin says, waving a hand. “Touch Eddie‘s hair, dude. It’s crispy.”

Eddie shoots a desperate, betrayed look at her, then says to Steve, “I will bite your hand off, Steve.”

“Mhm, bet you will,” Steve says, ignoring the warning, because Eddie is all cozy in his plaid PJ pants and Steve’s old hoodie and therefore about as threatening as a small gerbil, “lemme see.”

He reaches out to touch with only the faintest flush on his cheeks. It could easily be blamed on his high, but Robin knows him as well as she knows the back of her own hand. Steve is absolutely losing his shit right now. He’s just really good at hiding it.

“Dry,” he confirms. His hand lingers in Eddie’s hair and Robin notices that Eddie doesn’t bristle nearly as much when Steve’s the one with his hand all wrapped up in it.

Rude. But understandable.

“What the hell,” Eddie complains, but he sounds decidedly less irritated and a whole lot more flustered now. He’s nowhere near as good at hiding it as Steve.

Robin hides a smile when she notices how he’s not doodling in the margins of his paper anymore, but instead twisting a ring around his finger and staring hard at the wall.

Okay, she's more than aware of the fact that she started this, but she’s starting to think that maybe she should, like, go. Give them some privacy or whatever. Save herself of having to experience this.

“Th’s’not a bad thing,” Steve murmurs in his soupy, slow, stoned voice. Robin might not be into guys at all—especially not Steve, he’s like, Steve—but she’s not an idiot, she can tell in a purely observational way how the gravely sound of it could be sexy. She’s not completely oblivious.

Neither is Eddie, apparently, because there’s a strange glazed look in his eyes that Robin is sure has nothing to do with the weed in his system. His adam’s apple bobs as Steve runs his fingers through his hair, tugging a bit near the roots to pull Eddie’s head closer.

Eddie goes willingly. Quietly. Steve looks delighted, a big stupid smile on his face.

She is seriously such a genius. Steve owes her, seriously.

“Not a bad thing,” Eddie echoes.

“No, s’nice like this anyway.” Steve gathers it all into one hand, like a ponytail, before letting it fall slowly, playing with it like that over and over as goosebumps break out over Eddie’s neck.

“How do I—” Eddie sounds like he’s choking, the back of his ears and neck bright red. “Uh—make it better?”

“A hair mask might help,” Steve says, rolling onto his side so he can get both hands in Eddie’s hair. He’s too out of it to notice the violent shudder that tears through Eddie’s body. “You should do a porosity test.”

“Uh huh,” Eddie says blankly. Robin nearly cackles. Eddie has no fucking clue what’s going on. He checked out the second Steve got his hands in his hair.

“That’s the one where you see if your hair floats?” she prompts, when it’s clear Eddie isn’t going to say anything else, too dumbfounded to process anything that Steve’s saying to him.

“Mmmhm.” Steve gives a little smile, pleased that she remembers, and of course she does.

Eddie’s eyes shut and he presses his lips into a firm line at the sound of Steve’s agreement, like he’s fighting some kind of demons inside. Steve’s still got his hands buried in Eddie’s hair, eyes glassy as he watches the frizzy strands run through his fingers.

“Maybe high porosity. Feels rough.” He tugs a little, maybe on accident, or maybe he’s too stoned to think better of it. “Wanna try a hair mask?”

“Uh,” Eddie says.

Robin kicks him, not at all subtly, and he coughs, straightening up a little bit.

“Uh, yeah,” he chokes out. “Um… if you think it’ll help, I guess. Why not.”

God, Eddie owes her too. She’s such a good friend.

Steve’s hands fall from Eddie’s hair as he pushes himself up to a sitting position, somewhat clumsily. He catches Robin’s eye, biting his lip in an excited smile, and she grins back, giving him a thumbs up.

“If the pizza shows up there’s cash in my wallet,” Steve tells her, getting to his feet and offering his hand to an absolutely flustered-looking Eddie. “C’mon, gonna show you how to take care of those pretty curls.”

Eddie’s mouth falls open, gaping like a fish out of water. Robin can’t help but snicker, grinning wider when he shoots her a bewildered, panicked look over his shoulder as Steve tugs him towards the stairs.

She curls into her corner of the couch, pulling the blanket closer to her chin and putting her focus back onto the movie as she waits for the doorbell to ring. Grease is always a classic, and, well, whatever happens between her two favourite idiots next is really none of her business.

She does turns up the volume, though. Just in case.

[lunar-rcp]

Shipping thingy, go ig? (Also kinda ranting about my ships)

(Romantic and idk of sexual can be applied here (points to my aspec headcanons)

Now I may or may not be the one behind the term "poliamroy", now known to show Poli, Roy and Amber in a polyamorous relationshio, but I just adore these gals.

Although I do like Polroy, whatever ship name will Mark × Bucky have, and Sandber, although Sanber is so far the only one not canon in most of my AUs so far (maybe in (In)Security? And yes, that parenthesis is important)

My crack ships, however, are Carry/Keaton, Truck X/C4L4M17Y (aka a psychopatic and monstrous vehicle...thing...she'll be seen soon on WTPB/P.O.L.I.), and Poli/Amnesia (WTPB/P.O.L.I. is not the only AU of mine that have that ship...shhhh)

For kiddos (mostly Daily Life, but I'm comin' to get the ones shown in the main show like Annie and Jessie...I'm coming to yeet angst and lore at Mach 88 at those who I find >:) /j) I got something going on for the Modfall versions. But so far, the only thing I can tell you is Jenny/Mary because it's both obvious in my designs of them and any interaction I'll show about the AU. Don't worry, none of the ships are sexual, just crushes that can work it out, and the Modfall kids are also teens.

(Platonic)

Now don't get me started on this one, especially for Helly. Bro will get all the bitches because of his personality but instead of starting a harem, he just starts a breakfast club that may or may not be plotting the end of the world. /hj

Mostly, it's just gotta be Jin&that gas station girl (using the & and / system of AO3 identifying ships, &=familial/platonic and /=romantic/sexual), the rest of the Rescue Teams unmentioned, also Helly & anyone from outside of RCP, most of the Daily Life kids, and I haven't got into this part well yet.

(Familial)

Oh boy, this is where the lore fuck-ups happen. Depending on AU, it varies A FUCKING LOT, but what is consistent are 1) Helly treating the older RTs as his parents, 2) Poli getting uncle status on any young RT member, 3) and Roy always vibing with any Jin AU's mother.

For WTPB/P.O.L.I., there are a lot of adoptions, and even there will be a future plot point surrounding it. This one is highly confidential, but as I can say here...Jin knows Poli more than Poli knows himself, Helly still have connections to someone in the military he calls bro, and Roy is adopted by a WW2 veteran when he was a juvenile.

For (In)Security, Amber is Helly's foster mother, Helly's bro is...dead, Poli/Price's parents are fucking homophobic cray-cray, and Roy/Rhode got a bad relationship with his father. Jin has a similar role to Tessa, but her parent is still Steve Harrison (also WTPB!Jin's dad).

As for Modfall...shh......

And for that new AU, "Poli"/Mr. Robinson is Harley/Helly's godfather.

That is all...Dave away from this bullshit!

*screams in ace*

woah, thats a LOT of relationship hcs you have there!

youre so creative!! to think you can make so many relationships and write so much amazes me, love your aus! they're great

rooting for your aus honestly!!

[murfpersonalblog]

Okay so on GOT the only thing I ship is Braime (not sure if I prefer it platonically or romantically but I'm their certified trash). In terms of chemistry, I believe Sam with Gilly, Jon with Ygritte, Sansa with Theon/Myranda/Margaery had chemistry (tbh I think Sansa and Margaery just felt fruity whenever they interacted with women lol), and Daenerys with Drogo. I don't ship them because the writing didn't move me in that sense, but I could definitely see the actors playing couples elsewhere. That said, I did root for Sam and Gilly, Jon and Ygritte and Tyrion and Shae (before they were ruined) because they made sense to me, but they didn't make me explode to be like OH I SHIP IT THEY'RE OTP. I didn't think Tyrion and Shae had chemistry, but they weren't awkward either, just nothing special. Still, their relationship had enough development for me to enjoy it while it lasted. Cersei and Jaime piss me off in every shape or form. It's bad, lacks spark and isn't even a problem that develops them as characters. Like, I don't ship or see love on Lestat and Gabrielle, but their actions convinced me on the books. Cersei and Jaime are just annoying. They may be important in the way they show up a lot and it causes some big events, with Bran, the church etc, but their interactions themselves add nothing to me. I wish they had just been a thing that happened in the past to lead up to those and then they'd gotten it over with. Like keep it to the minimum, off camera/off book canon as possible and an already great story would get BETTER. They're the weakest link for sure.

Cersei & Jaime are the most irritating thing on god's green earth. I hate that woman so effing much, it's insane. She ruins everything she touches, that's why Tywin was like STFU you stupid drunken bimbo. XD

I only like Jaime with Brienne--she humanized him. Otherwise, he's always just thinking about Cersei, and how to please Cersei and be her stooge, so everything he does is loaded with chaotic energy that makes him get on my nerves, except when he's working with Brienne for The Greater Good. But alas. In the end he chose to be with his stupid sister. U_U Men are so dumb--VALAR MORGHULIS FRFRFR.

Call me crazy, but I had such high hopes for Margaery & Jeoffrey. If Cersei wasn't a canker sore on the arse of Westeros, I think in time Margery could've maybe made him slightly more human? We'll never know, cuz Lady Olenna was like Not MY Granddaughter! But yeah.

Sam & Gilly are so dang adorable, ugh, I can't stand it, *squee~!* Them, and Missandei & Greyworm, and Oberyn & Ellaria Sand are IMO the Top 3 Most Wholesome ships in GoT. That's MARRIAGE. 🤌

Naturally, the goated ship is Danny & Drogo. GOD. Nothing ever came close. OK I'm lying, Oberyn & Ellaria came pretty dang close. Why do all the super sexy guys have to die so soon, meanwhile Tywin got to live to a ripe old age having all these troublesome kids?

I also LOVELOVELOVE the frenemy bond Clegane had with Arya & Sansa--he always looked out for the Stark girls, he's a big softie.

Tyrion and Shae, IKR?! SAME! 😩 Messy boots.

NGL I could care less about Jon with anyone, LOL. In the books I was more interested with his politicking than his romance. On the show he rapidly started to bore me. And I literally vomited in my mouth when his incest arc started, like omfg, ANOTHER one!? 🤦

@thecourtoflionsandwolves

[skayafair]

Episode 40

Live reaction below

Silas the whole episode:

If they get out of it alive in the end, he should think of a therapist career. He'd make a fortune out of it :D

This episode is the first one after season 3 that made me listen to it smiling again, like the previous 2.5 seasons used to, I think ^_^

THEY ARE DISCUSSING THINGS CALMLY FOR ONCE YAAAY where's my champagne

That talk between Lizzy and Cass last episode really helped huh. Plus I thought Lizzy just wanted to put the blame onto someone, get at least some load off her chest by taking it out on Silas in previous episodes but turned out that OF COURSE she had a perfectly sensible reason (well, I believe it's both in equal measure BUT anyway) and Silas arrived to the same conclusion. And "the martians", you're kidding me XD Gods I love it when they get along, they make a very good dynamic duo. So now everyone's on pretty good terms, such a balm to my soul.

...aaaand there we go again, jinxed it :')))

Yep, Cass really did it this time.

...Alyx? O____O ok I DIDN'T expect this at all

oooof course they charge *head in hands*

Ok I like happy endings for everyone so I'm lowkey rooting for a polycule of three... in a way... I don't really care romantic, platonic/friendship, qpr or whatever, these three just make sense to me all together - not the same relationship for everyone, but they just. Ugh. Make sense. As a unit. The words aren't wording tonight because I've been awake for 16 hours by now but you get the gist I hope. So I also hope it gets across if I say how much I enjoy hearing Silas just. Asking Elizabeth to go after Cass instead of him. Trusting her with it. Just. (✧ω✧) Buddies route go-go! ☆\(≧▽≦)/☆

Niko is the perfect depiction of a fangirl i swear

Poor Alyx Q_Q She's really spiraling. It's the worst thing to get a confirmation that you're as bad as you thought you were, even if it's subjective, too.

oh wow SIlas snapping- O_O that's something

Noooo not running awaayyy

Poor Si(((((((((

Aaaand poor Cass :<

Erm- Might be a controversial opinion but I guess I see who Cass took after with their charisma- yes I like Nicholas Thatcher by the way he sounds there I said it

Why am I not surprised he likes Lizzy. Yeah, no surprises here  👍

Cassius is at loss of insults? What? Wow, impressive. The fact that they are still talking is even more impressive.

"HUGS AND KISSES" HELP HE'S HILARIOUS the best addition so far 😂

Poor Cassius [2] Somehow I can see the picture so clearly xD

"Ouch" Lizzy XD

"Like always, I was right-" LIZZY XDDD

Oh a heart to heart <333 Love seeing them getting along <333

WE'RE FINALLY FINDING OUT WHAT WAS UP WITH VAUX WHAAA-

LI-I-I-ZZY-Y-Y-Y you tease! I'm starving for the revelations here no less than Cassius!

"I listen to the sad story - I get a little treat, them's the rules" Cass is as adorable as ever :D

They're getting along they're getting along- ╰(✧ω✧)╯

The queen keeps queening <333

oooh someone's spiralling real good and to the deep end

C'mon Cass, how can you resist that "pleeease" :3

they both are insufferable XDDD

SILAS FINALLY

OH smooth (￢‿￢ )

they both are insufferable [2] and Lizzy deserves to be paid extra for putting up with them!

OH AND THERE'S MY FAVOURITE SLOGAN <333

-------------------

I have to say seeing Cassius now (and Lizzy before) to royally fuck up like that feels... liberating. I really enjoy observing it.

Partly because it's a part of my "learning people aren't only good OR bad" curriculum (hello black and white thinking I've been unlearning, pretty sucessfully btw). Did they do something... REALLY bad? Oh yes. I mean - I understand attacking with words. Still bad but. Uh. More managable. Usually. But full on charging at a person, even if the reason is betrayal? The physical violence is a serious no-go in my book unless it's self-defence or... well, NOT on your friend anyway?! Not just by acting on emotions? So that made me pause.

I like complicated characters exactly because they make me rotate them in my mind and change opinion on them along with their developement, but... I thought I had a grip on Cass' personality more or less, and that attack of theirs was unexpected and honestly disappointing. I mean yes there was that one occasion with Vaux but that was different. Vaux was actually more of an enemy back then, she's been intentionally nagging Cassius for a long time, so it felt pretty natural that they'd blow up eventually. Charging on Alyx out of pure rage is not like that.

However - I think it's a lot like with John from Malevolent? He messes up regularly and just as royally but it's also very understandable, so I just can't judge him. Objectively, maybe, but not from the heart.

And probably what helped the most was the way Cass reacted to this recording. They didn't try to find excuses, didn't seem to be angry at Alyx anymore, they went straight up to "it was all my fault dammit!". They feel guilty and see their past reaction as a huge mistake, too. Looks like they cooled off soon enough even when the events were taking place.

I have a history of forgiving things that shouldn't have been forgiven to a person who wasn't very sorry about those things - or at least not because they actually saw those as bad. I feel disgusted with myself recalling that. So now I'm sort of sensitive to this whole thing and that's why making up my mind on how to feel about Cass' violence as clear as possible was important. Sure it's not real life, but close enough. A good exercise.

And I think their attitude to it was what made it clear. They see their anger burst as a huge mistake and regret it, but more than that - after listening to how they used to be they try to make up for it, like with Lizzy by telling her how they really appreciate her as a friend. This is important - not just to recognize "oh I fucked up again", but to genuinely do one's best to do better, to change. From the bettom of their heart.

So this is why, while it was a royal fuck up, it only added pieces to Cass' character, not shattered the picture. Hence why I enjoy following it. People are complicated, and that's a beautiful thing. And also upon some more thinking I can see how that outburst was building up for a long time. Once again this podcast brings perfectly grounded surprises <3

And another reason is that by observing others coping with their mistakes I learn to be easier on myself, too. Even if the others in question are fictional, they still reflect living people experiences one way or another.

I'm so glad Syntax is back <3

[deathmetalunicorn1]

Hello, I am the anonymous person who requested Dr. Stone's request, I am a little embarrassed to say who I am, but I seriously adore you, dear author, you are always considerate.

I would still like a request for both Nikola and Beelzebub, and Adam but still platonic. This time with a y/n in her 20s, who works on the alchemy of pixie dust (I don't know if she's seen the Tinker Bell movies).

Basically, y/n was the granddaughter of a scientist and whenever she visited her grandfather he also told her about the fairies and the strange dust that arose from the Blue Moon and a special stone, so as an adult she looked for the stone and recreated her own blue pixie dust and begin the study of this substance. Having her a little assistant fairy that she rescued once in a search for materials. Let's say y/n met her boyfriend during some tests with a plant growth enhancing pixie dust and a large root burst and she ended up landing on the man in question.

For Adam, the same thing happened to him but he began to stay close to her to take care that her daughter does not end up catapulting herself out of Valhalla.

(○｀ 3′○)

My sweet love, you never have to be embarrassed with me. I don’t judge others, unless if you’re mean to me or others then yes I will judge, but other than that, I adore each one of you.

-You sighed softly, looking down at your grandfather’s research notes, he had been long gone from you by the time you died and ascended to Valhalla, learning that he didn’t come to the same place, but you were able to keep his research notes, as well as your best friend and assistant, Luna, a tiny, light blue fairy.

-You had met Luna only a year after the death of your grandfather, saving her from a cat and tended to her wounds, a couple of scratches on her legs and arms.

-After she realized that you, being an adult, could see her, as before only children could see her, she knew you had an affinity for fairies, she knew you were a good person.

-The two of you traveled together, safely, so she wouldn’t be seen by anyone else and taken from you, researching and exploring the world in search of the Blue Moon Stone.

-After confirming with both Luna and the notes of your grandfather, this special stone, that only appears during a Blue Moon, had magical properties, ones that were insanely strong, even by fairy standards, and you wanted to research it and learn everything you could about it.

-This same drive for research is what led to your untimely death, slipping off a cliff and plunging into the ocean far below.

-When you awoke in Valhalla, you were amazed by everything around you, before you cried, hugging Luna close, seeing that she had also died, coming with you but she didn’t care, she wanted to stay by your side.

-You were given a small lab for your research, as Valhalla was able to get Blue Moon Stones easily for you, you didn’t mind the size of the lab, it was perfect for you and Luna, spending your days exploring Valhalla and researching the stones, researching the powers it had.

-Your research was fruitful, finding the stone had properties that worked on plants the best, while other organics, such as people or animals, only worked a small fraction as well.

-Luna and you were working hard, getting this new super fertilizer created, as some gods had approached you, mainly nature gods, who were interested in the results, offering rewards if your elixir would work to help their own plants and trees, and help the nature down on earth.

-You swallowed hard, holding a pipette with some of the liquid concentrated elixir, using a plant you had been given from Demeter.

-You dropped the first drop in and instantly the roots shot out, destroying a portion of your lab and sending you flying out the window.

-Good thing you had a soft-ish landing!

-Nikola- You squealed, realizing you had landed on a person, scrambling off of him as you were quick to cradle his head, “Are you all right?!” he was a bit dazed for a moment or two before he grinned brightly, “Thank you for your concern young lady! I am quite all right? I heard the explosion, were you working on an experiment?” you nodded, and his eyes sparkled brightly, immediately sitting up to cup your hands between your own, begging to see your research. You were stunned that this man, once introduced, was Nikola Tesla!! Luna was returning the roots to normal, using her own magic and Nikola was in awe, immediately greeting her kindly before asking you both tons of questions. He was a bit intimidating at first, as he was very enthusiastic, but he was quick to grow on both you and Luna as he had been looking for something new to research and fairy magic was something so new and unique that he couldn’t pass it up! The more he came around, the more you both grew used to him, and Luna could see the affection you had for him, thinking it was rather cute that you were so shy, choosing instead to approach Nikola first, telling him of your affections as she knew he would take the first step, and he did without any hesitation!

-Beelzebub- Your soft landing had been a person that you knocked out, instantly panicking as you crawled off him, checking him carefully for injuries before you hauled him up and dragged him to you lab so you could tend to him. Beelzebub woke up about an hour later, expecting a headache, but was surprised when he had no pain, as he remembered someone getting blown out of the lab he had been walking by and that person landing on top of him. The first one he saw was Luna, an actual fairy and she was quick to fly off his chest, where she had been watching him, her magic helping take some of the hurt away, flying to you to hide behind your hair. You touched her, feeling her tug your hair and you turned, immediately smiling, “Oh I’m so glad you’re awake! I’m sorry for knocking you out!” you came over as he sat up, rubbing the back of his head lightly, “What exploded?” you scratched your cheek lightly, turning your head and he saw a plant with monstrous sized roots, “When the roots shot out it blew me through the window.” He nodded softly before he inquired about what you were working on which immediately made you beam, surprising him as you gave him a tour, showing him the fruits of your research, including your newest failure, but with it, came more research, as you were able to adjust the dosage. Beelzebub became a frequent visitor to your lab, curious about your work and he wasn’t going to lie, he liked seeing you, your bright smiling face, so full of joy, made him feel so at ease, as he sat with you, helping you.

-Adam- You were quick to scrambling off the man, who was only wearing a fig leaf and you instantly panicked, knowing who this was, a mantra of apologies leaving your lips as you were near tears, helping him up. Adam wasn’t hurt, but he surprised you when he cupped your cheeks, seeing you in tears, “Are you okay? Any injuries?” his concern for you reminded you of your grandpa and you instantly sniffled, tears flying out the sides like geysers, comically, while Adam panicked, trying to find where you were hurt. Adam and Eve both came into your lab, after he called Eve, needing her help to calm you down, and they were surprised you were researching magic to help plants, with the help of Luna. Your fairy friend loved Eve, sitting in her hands and chatting warmly, but was shy with Adam, hiding in your hair as you showed them the results of your research, with the giant roots that had thrown you out of the lab, which Luna and you were now working on reversing so you could try again. Eve praised your hard work, enjoying the idea of this elixir helping plants, as was Adam, feeling proud of your hard work, but he said he wanted to stay around, to make sure you didn’t get blown out a window again, which just made you laugh lightly, but he was serious, not wanting to risk your safety.

[siesporamor]

What are your opinions on all of the main couples in SL?

LMAO, it took me so long to answer this ask, but I just have so many thoughts. I'm not sure if the question is about endgame couples, so I'll just talk about whatever I want.

Putting this under a cut because I'm not a monster.

Lutteo is... fine. I don't hate them, but I also don't like them. Leaving aside my own headcanons for the characters, they just don't work for most of the show. Matteo in seasons 1 and 2 is a complete asshole who doesn't deserve Luna. Just to list some of the shit he does: flirts with her while he's still with Ámbar, kisses her without her consent, sometimes borderline harasses her, is a dick to her best friend, prioritises his career over their relationship even when he ends up hurting her, never listens to her perspective and assumes all of her criticism is in bad faith. I especially can't get behind the s2 storyline, where Luna is incredibly upset by Matteo's behavior—saying he doesn't have a girlfriend during an interview and staging PR relationships, or insulting Simón live—, but he brushes it all off with the excuse that it's essential to his career and tells her she's envious of his success. And he's somehow surprised that Luna would defend her childhood best friend when her boyfriend publicly humiliates him online?

That being said, when Matteo finally becomes a decent person in s3, I think they mostly work as a couple (still don't ship them). At that point, though, does it really matter? I'm not going to forget the first two seasons. If Luna absolutely needed to end up with somebody, because amatonormativity, she deserved someone better.

Lumón is objectively the best Luna ship. They're childhood best friends and know and take care of each other like nobody else. Still, when I see such an adorable m/f friendship, I grab onto it and would rather it stayed platonic, because there's enough romance in medias.

Simbar gives me life. I'm honestly obsessed and, as I've already said, they're one of my OTPs and the reason why I started watching Soy Luna. Ámbar and Simón are characters I already love on their own and they complement each other so well. They have a great premise (dating-someone-for-a-revenge-plan trope, my beloved <3), a believable enemies to friends to lovers arc (also a favorite trope of mine), fluffy banter, delicious angst and tension, domestic scenes to balance it out, great chemistry, and the actors work their asses off in emotional scenes. They communicate, support and respect each other like a healthy couple would do. Simón is the first person to see the good in Ámbar and push her to be the better version of herself. Ámbar also challenges Simón and his perspective. While a bit dramatised for narrative purpose (don't date people to fix them), that's what a relationship should do (says the aro who's never even had a date in her life).

Gastina may not be endgame, but they are in my heart. They're adorable, have excellent chemistry, and them bonding over shared interests is both realistic and cute. While cliché, I like the FelicityForNow plotline and I think it gave Gastina a solid basis that makes it impossible not to root for them. Forever mad about the route s3 took, especially because it didn't have to? They had Gastón's actor available for a couple scenes, they could've filmed the finale with him or just slapped a clip of him onto a tablet screen, then keep his and Nina's relationship going through texts, it really wasn't that hard. To me Nina goes to college in Oxford and they get back together again, I will accept no other option.

Pelfi is such a sweet ship! It's a bit of a Simbar 1.0, in the sense that Pedro formed a genuine friendship with Delfi and helped her become a better version of herself. Even if Delfi back pedalling in s2 was random and made their relationship arc a bit weird, narratively speaking, I always enjoy these two. They're such cuties and them staring at each other with heart eyes in s3 >>>

Yamiro is considered a main couple, I guess? They can be cute, but I'm not particularly fond of either Yam or Ramiro and I also headcanon them both as gay, not to mention they hurt each other and argue a bit too much for my taste.

Thanks for the ask, I hope I interpreted the question correctly!

[tenderhooked]

Ted Lasso for the fandom asks ❤️

the character i least understand: ooh this is a hard one!! i genuinely feel that most of the characters are so fleshed out and fascinating that i can understand them to some extent. maybe i'll have to go with james tartt sr. bc i have no interest in attempting to understand him.

interactions i enjoyed the most: soooo many!! keeley and rebecca is a perennial fave bc i see so much of my real-life friendships in theirs, and then of course jamie and roy is a genuine delight whether i choose to interpret them platonically or romantically. specific interactions i loved were ted's "be a goldfish" advice to sam, the whole team fixing sam's restaurant, any background jamie & sam moment, the jamie teaching roy to ride a bike scene, the Boot Room Breakdown, and any Team Himbo moment. also jamie and his mum (& simon!) is, probably, one of the unexpected absolute HIGHLIGHTS of season 3. give me more of them now.

the character who scares me the most: james tartt sr. i don't think this needs to be explained. rupert doesn't really scare me, but the general type of person that his character is based on, and how often those people in real life are allowed to get away with the behaviors he exhibits in the show, certainly does.

the character who is mostly like me: oh gosh! this is a tricky one. i think i have a bit of various characters in me -- i am very much like ted in that i use humor/positivity as a shield against, um. worse emotions. i also deeply relate to keeley in regards to her specific brand of agency; she's powerful yet silly and that's so important to me bc that IS me. and then sam, my beloved. i see a lot of my own general outlook on life in him, and i also get him so hard in the scenes where he doesn't handle his emotions too well and just. breaks down. soooo relatable ! (ditto for jamie's boot room breakdown).

hottest looks character: is this a contest? if so, keeley and jamie are WINNING. the competition does not even EXIST.

one thing i dislike about my fave character: jamie my love, the you of s1 will forever and always be a twat. i adore that boy but good god, his early behavior was horrible, particularly towards sam. insert lookhowfartheyvecome.png.

one thing i like about my hated character: technically my most hated character is james tartt sr. but i have nothing good to say about him so. rupert: your darth vader pinterest inspo board will always be fascinating to me.

a quote or scene that haunts me: "jesus. must've been traumatizing." "no, she loved it. oh, for me -- sorry, me, you mean. no. i don't know. i don't remember." // the wembley locker room scene // "thank you. and fuck you." // "you're not lost, my sexy little baby. you just aren't sure what direction you're going in. yet."

a death that left me indifferent: thankfully this is not that kind of show! i guess rebecca's dad's death didn't really affect me bc we didn't ever know him -- but god, rebecca herself destroyed me in that ep.

a character i wish died but didn’t: james tartt sr. i maintain that it would have been fascinating if jamie had received news his dad had died just before they played man city, kicking off his mental spiral bc do i have to plan a funeral for him? does he deserve that? do i deserve that? and essentially grappling with the fact that he isn't sure exactly what he should feel in regards to his father's death. ofc this would have ended with a rejection of the 'forgive him <3' mentality and allowed jamie to fully and truly just. let go of his dad. forever. without guilt. (@ ted lasso writers room: LET ME IN!!! LET ME INNNNN!!!!!!)

my ship that never sailed: honestly? i know this fandom is very tied to its ships, and i get that -- i was truly rooting for keeley and roy to get back together, and i can see the appeal of royjamie or royjamiekeeley. HOWEVER. i am, in the end, grateful that the show prioritized its platonic relationships over its romantic ones. for me, platonic friendships/queerplatonic relationships are never given the attention or respect they deserve and i adore them. they're so much more fascinating to me! i appreciate that the show left most of its romantic/potentially romantic relationships ambiguously defined bc it gives us, as fans, the ability to interpret the characters and their dynamics how we choose.

thank you for the ask! 💗💗💗

[mingying]

[spoilers] hospital playlist s2 finale; ikjun/songhwa

We have reached the finale and I am honestly going through a whole lot of emotions right now. But there are definitely a few things I really want to talk about this beautiful ship of mine so please allow me to.

TL;DR: IkSong stays true to the fact that their relationship is firmly rooted in friendship, only that now there are no more lines to worry about and they are able to do things a tad bit more with each other.

I absolutely loved the IkSong scenes we got in E12. 

While I was perhaps a bit sad we didn’t get more of them showing skinship, such as say holding hands or even hugging or kissing, I realise that the beauty of their relationship does not lie in physical intimacy. Instead, their relationship is rooted in a love so quiet and mundane that you may not even realise it if you don’t know them well enough.

And well, in my opinion, that kind of love is honestly beautiful in their own way.

I loved how even though they’re with labels now, their interaction with each other is generally still the same. There’s no jarring change that is in your face, but things that they’ve usually done with each other but just packed with a little something extra that makes me as a viewer swoon.

1) Ikjun buys coffee for everyone and leaves one for Songhwa, but not before writing on the sleeve with a little heart -- this is indirectly to show that he was indeed the one to leave her two coffees at the end of Epi 2 and I simply love it.

2) Songhwa telling the boys that she is going on a date with Ikjun, that they really are dating -- only to be met with laughs and a complete disbelief that Junwan even bet his entire fortune. I laughed so hard, and I really hope Songhwa managed to get them to repeat what they had said because girlie, you and Ikjun are about to be the richest couple in Yulje.

3) Ikjun and Songhwa’s first date, which I noticed that Songhwa had first filled a plate of tangsuyuk for Ikjun first before herself. Even though she is generally impatient when it comes to food, being the food goblin she is, this small gesture she does to Ikjun is so heartwarming. It’s like she wants him to share a bit of her happiness (food) with him too, and that she is looking out for him as he always does to her. 

4) Songhwa singing a love song about a man she loves being right beside her and hoping he will always love her, to Ikjun, is something I truly loved to witness. And the best part was that Mido sang it in her natural, beautiful voice, because that scene was told through Ikjun’s POV and to him, she sounds perfect. His face honestly, at that moment, dear lord. He is truly so in love with her. (++ Iksun’s reactions are hilarious HAHA)

5) Seokhyung’s “I’m so happy for you guys, you really care for each other, you made the right decision, Songhwa-ya” will always live in my mind rent free. This feels really like how it all came to a full circle, right? How poetic it is that they had both IkSong and GomGom endgame in the same episode considering the circumstances in the 99z, and then have Songhwa finding out about Minha first, and then Seokhyung about IkSong? I truly, truly loved this scene so much.

6) That little shot of Songhwa staring at Ikjun with that smile on her face as she watches her sleep -- this is it. This is definitely her look of “I can now love this man however much I want because he is mine”. 

7) The sushi scene still makes me smile every time I think about it. They cringed at how they had to act all lovey dovey and it was so adorable to watch. A really realistic depiction of friends to lovers, too, don’t you think so? I mean, Songhwa has fed Junwan before and they are completely platonic so her not being able to do this to Ikjun just shows that it’s because she’s hyper aware this is supposed to be a couple gesture to do.Trust me, soon, you will be feeding each other without much thought and care once you get over this transitional phase. 

8) When Songhwa has had a rough day with her patient not going well, she went back to her room and found Ikjun resting there. Them lying side by side with the camera shot from above seems to give an illusion that they are lying on a bed so I’m going to take it as that haha. I loved that in this scene, they first start by asking about their surgery/patient. And then Songhwa shared with Ikjun that they have no choice but to declare the patient to be brain dead - and Ikjun was clearly distressed to hear that. I’m glad that as lovers, they are able to confide with each other their days and share their troubles and worries. To just be there for each other. This couple truly has reached that level of maturity and I’m so happy that from now on, they won’t have to hold back in sharing things with each other even more.

9) The camping scene was a surprise as I did not see it coming even though I did express my wish of another camping scene. Songhwa tried to stay awake just to continue talking to Ikjun but he realised she was sleepy - how cute? We then got a parallel of him contemplating in that brief moment about life but this time, he is smiling happily instead of forlornly/longingly. 

And the best part? They are sharing a tent together. To be that comfortable to sleep in the same tent together, well, my shipper self is obviously going to clown and say that they’ve probably already done more than just kissing.

Lord. Brb. I’m drawing up my gdoc as we speak ;)

[infjparadox]

The types I know in real life - as an INFJ

The ISFJ father.  Growing up, he was a bit of a micro-manager, and both of us were so stubborn that our J clashed pretty hard, especially when he pushed me to complete scholarships and laborious things that would benefit my future.  He ALWAYS wanted to do some activity together (sports, outings, family gatherings, etc), and in my teen years, I just valued creative, independent pursuits (he didn’t understand the value in those hobbies at the time - now he’s my cheerleader).  Since graduating college, we’ve become good friends, although he still over-does and over-plans everything.  We share similar values regarding our interpersonal relationships and work, as well as a similar sense of humor, and I can get that intuitive conversation out of him by asking him to tell me stories about his childhood.   He’s a fantastic storyteller. 

The INFP mother.  My mother is a kind (but anxious) woman and a fantastic role model. She’s super creative, but also incredibly introverted.  I remember she’d often tell me to find a way to entertain myself growing up (probably driven mad by my intuitive inquisitions), and that led me to many of my independent hobbies, like drawing, music, and film. (And possibly resulted in a love language of quality time, lol I love attention).  As an adult, I can now claim her as my best friend.  We can talk for hours about the abstract, ideals, and emotions.  I tease her constantly, and we laugh ourselves to tears.  

The ENFJ sister.  Confident, idealistic, and a blogger type.  We don’t get along very well, but I blame it on her not being a very matured or healthy ENFJ (and she’s been diagnosed with OCD, so there’s that).  When she’s in a positive place, we joke that we have ESP because we always have similar thoughts / reactions to interactions (Ni) and we both enjoy a lot of the same hobbies and creative pursuits, but we value those experiences differently.  For example, she loves movies for the emotions and her ability to relate to the characters, while I love them for the storytelling, the script, the cinematography, the character arcs, etc.  She loves people and organizing parties / social events.  She’s also that person on Instagram sharing all the inspirational quotes.   

The ISFP boyfriend.  Charming, easygoing, and well-rounded. Appears as an extrovert to an outsider, but in reality, he just enjoys activities that engage the five senses and his close circle of friends. He’s the absolute best at living in the moment, and he knows how to pull me back to earth and to see the more rational, objective side of things.  Loves working with his hands, and has about 3 million hobbies, from skiing to biking to working on cars to making music to photography.  Sensitive to criticism, but loves playing the devil’s advocate.  Sometimes he can be incredibly impulsive, and other times, he’s hesitant to commit to future plans or big decisions (depends on what his Fi is telling him).  Values authenticity and independence above anything else.  Very capable of deep and stimulating conversation, but does better on lower rungs of the abstract ladder that are rooted in science, physics, conspiracy theories, politics, or something he can contribute facts and real world experience to.  Dislikes conflict and being put in a box.  Other than the INFP, the only other type who does not drain my energy tank.  I’m confident that we’ll be lifelong friends and soulmates, come what may.

The INFP friend.  We clicked instantly while studying abroad, and we were able to talk for hours about anything and everything, while respecting one another’s feelings.  Super easygoing.  He’s one of the best listeners I’ve ever met, and he always asks me questions that feed the conversation.  Musically inclined, authentic, and frustratingly neutral about some of the topics I care about so passionately.  He’s also one of the most aloof people I know -- and he absolutely sucks at communication.  But even though I haven’t talked to him in 7 months, I still consider him one of my platonic soulmates.  

The ENFP bff.  Another soulmate.  A total goofball, selfish at times, but also a martyr when it comes to those she loves.  She’s one of the few people who have truly attempted to understand everything about me and pry me open -- almost to the point that it’s uncomfortable.  Loves talking about emotions (extensively). Judges people based on their zodiac sign, but she’s also incredibly insightful, perceptive, and “street” wise (she learns a LOT from her experiences / mistakes).  She can be flighty though, and her goals change as swiftly as her attention span.  Gotta love her.

The ENTP bff.  A witty friend who will always offer me a stimulating conversation - whether it’s teaching me about historical fashion or exposing me to new concepts and ideas and political theories.  We can talk for three hours straight, but by then I’m incredibly brain-fried (and she could just keep going?!).  Up for a good natured debate whenever - less good natured when someone pisses her off.  I’m fairly certain I’m the only person she is completely honest with about her feelings (she struggles SO hard to open up).  She loves to travel and experience new things, as well as host parties and game nights.  She’s both a planner and a completely "in the spur of the moment” human being.  Hates willful ignorance and stupidity, and does not care about keeping the peace. I disliked her at first for her bluntness and arrogance, but now I love her to pieces.  Soulmate, for sure.

INTJ friend (long distance).  Very, very prickly to others, but warmed up to me instantly.  Arrogant, albeit extremely logical and intelligent.  Loves memes, biology, and good television.  Adores her girlfriend and gushes about her often (one of the rare instances where she’s a total fluff ball).  Kind of a dick, but also very funny and 100% there for companionable silence or intellectual conversation.  Enjoys being in a group of outcasts and detests most people.  We had a lot of weird things in common and joked about being long lost sisters, and I valued her promptness / dependability!  Her negativity kind of wore me out though (we were studying abroad, and she was homesick for most of it). 

The ENTJ boss.  I no longer work for her, but man, what a powerhouse.  Direct and blunt to a fault, but incredibly motivated and ambitious.  Will get things done, no matter what.  Big idea woman, not so great with the details and how her plans will actually (realistically) be implemented.  SO, so organized and anal, and yet somehow kind of a mess.  Surprises me when she’s emotionally vulnerable because she’s incredibly intimidating and intense.  Loves hosting parties and cooking for her coworkers / neighbors.  Those who are close to her know she has a good heart, but she can seem like a total b** to an outsider.

ISTP coworker.  She’s good at multitasking, and yet she runs late constantly.  Intelligent in the way she asks questions for clarity and a better understanding of a concept.  Calm, collected, and logical.  Creative and impressive in her projects (home remodel, upcycling crafts, etc).  Conversation is a bit surface-level at times and mostly centers around her day to day life experiences or family drama.  She’ll often ask me about my life and then tune me out because she quickly grows bored, as do many other sensors, rip T_T.  We’re a good team, though.

These are my personal experiences with / observations of particular individuals whose type I’m confident about, but they do not represent everyone of the same type.  If anything, I think this goes to show the range of personalities within a function stack.

[magicofthepen]

for the character ask: Rayo? I know he’s not super well-developed in canon, but I always love hearing your thoughts on any of the Unity Fam because you‘ve clearly spent a lot of time considering them and seem to understand them really well! :)

ahhh yes thank you for letting me talk more about the Unity family!! I do love them, and I’m very excited that you like hearing about them! <33

favorite thing about them: he’s so clearly Leela and Veega’s kid? when he wants to go to the city despite the danger because it might save his mum, when he’s desperate to take part in the war – to fight, to save people – it’s such a reflection of Leela’s protectiveness and care, the burning spark to defend. when he bonds with the strangers who show up on his doorstep in Unity, when he chooses to stay on the Patrex retreat to learn to be a healer, to make that place a safe haven – you can see echoes of the way Veega cares for people in soft, quiet ways (feeding, giving shelter), welcoming people in when they have nowhere else to go, daring to build a home even in the darkest of times. Rayo has such a good heart and that’s lovely to hear on its own, but I specifically adore how you can tell how his particular brands of need to help come from the people who raised him.

least favorite thing about them: .....how time war 4 sidelines his relationship with Leela. from having Leela’s fear vision be about losing Sholan rather than y’know, the kid she actually spent years raising and just got separated from, to not letting them have any sort of meaningful goodbye.....I like that Rayo stays on the retreat, but I don’t like how this means he never sees Leela again and this is just. glossed over. if they didn’t have time to address this meaningful family relationship in time war 4, they shouldn’t have introduced it in time war 3.

(skipping favorite line again bc I’m so bad at picking)

brOTP: brOTP isn’t quite the right term, but my favorite platonic relationships of Rayo’s are absolutely his familial ones with Veega and Leela. you can tell how much he loves them both, and how important family is to him (they are living on this rough world on the edge of a war, he’s lived his whole life with some kind of danger in the background, but with his family he’s happy. they’ve always kept him safe, and he wants to keep them safe, too.) the scene when he’s with Veega as she dies is just so heartbreaking, and the desperation in his voice when he thinks he might lose Leela too (I can’t lose you and mum on the same day), and he’s struggling so much with the grief of losing his family in dissolution. his relationships with them are the most important ones in his life. and we can also see the value he places on family in Dissolution when Narvin talks about his relationship with Romana – Rayo’s immediate response is Doesn’t that make her your family, then? because to Rayo, family is the Most Important kind of relationship.

OTP: none. but okay while I don’t really have any ships for Rayo, if I had to pick a Rayo ship that I could get behind....I do vibe with Rayo/Eris when Rayo’s older (technically we don’t know how old he is? (I’m pretty sure) but I think I keep imagining him as like. seventeen-ish. although now I’m curious about how old other people think he is?). anyways: I like the dynamic of healer and fighter, both swept up in the war and driven by the urge to help people (but doing it in different ways), their paths crossing as the resistance funnels people who want to escape the war to the safe haven Rayo’s trying to build....yeah there could be a story there!

nOTP: I’m sure I could think of several ships that would ick me out, but nothing that I’ve actually seen? 

random headcanon: he finds, on the retreat planet, that he loves gardening. (this headcanon comes from his awe in dissolution over a ground that’s not contaminated/the fact that you can just eat things you pick and know it’s safe.) he finds peace in digging into the earth, growing food that can feed people, being alone in the quiet beauty of this world. I also have this headcanon about him planting a tree as a memorial for Veega – he never got to bury her, but this is the closest he can get to a grave. and it helps, to remember her through something with steady roots, something that grows and lives and shelters. (he doesn’t plant a tree for Leela – at least not for a long time. he wants to believe she’s still alive.)

unpopular opinion: I don’t think I have one? (maybe just the fact that I care about Rayo and Veega a lot, because the Unity family-obsessed corner of the fandom is quite small – but apparently there are people enjoying our ramblings 😄 so idk)

song i associate with them: *checks unity family playlist* hmm I....don’t actually have any songs on the playlist that focus on Rayo as an individual, or how he feels about his family – the songs that I have in reference to Rayo are from Leela and Veega’s perspective. but those are (currently): Lullaby for a Stormy Night by Vienna Teng, Light by Sleeping at Last, Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift.

favorite picture of them: there aren’t any in-character photos of Rayo, we do have this lovely art of Rayo and Narvin by @alyona11!

[lady-griffin]

I'm curious, who do you ship in Otome Game no Hametsu Flag?

Oh Boy, get ready for a lengthy answer, that’s a lot longer than you ever wanted. 

I pretty much ship Katarina with everyone in the harem, except Keith and Sophia.

Even though Keith is in love with Katarina, they have such a pure sibling dynamic. I would hate for Katarina and Keith to lose their sibling, even if they gained a romantic partner out of it.

Sophia and Katarina have such a wonderful platonic relationship that I just adore. I know Sophia loves Katarina like the rest, but their whole dynamic is the most friendship based, especially for a certain big reason. I prefer their friendship with one another than a romance.

Here’s who I ship and in what order.

1. Katarina x Geordo

I love their dynamic and relationship and just everything about them. The setup for these two works for me on every level. Their scenes are my favorite and I’m always looking forward to seeing them interact with one another.

The juxtaposition of Geordo clearly being in love with Katarina and her having contingency plans in case he exiles or attacks her is just amazing. It’s so goddamn funny.

Plus, that juxtaposition provides such wonderful tension between the two, which is very enjoyable to see and explore.

It’s also interesting that their dynamic was established first, which makes me think that the rule of first guy/girl might apply to the story. Especially, since their engagement is a factor to a lot of the other love-interests’ feeling towards Katarina.

While it hasn’t been developed that much (at least in the Manga) something about Geordo being a black-hearted prince and not the fairytale prince he presents himself as is, for me, a very rich mine that has yet to be explored. The fact that Katarina is also very aware of that side of him, because of her secret knowledge, makes it all the more intriguing.

There are just so many possibilities for these two.

While this might ruin the harem aspect of it all, I think there could be a very interesting new dynamic if Katarina returned Geordo’s feelings –

(1) But she was completely unaware of her own feelings.

(2) If she were aware, would completely think Geordo is not in love with her.

(3) Katarina wonders and panics if her wanting to be with Geordo confirms that she is the villainess. Is she getting in the way of him and Maria or him and someone else? Is she just sealing her own doomed ending by being in love with him?

OR what if Geordo did break off his engagement with Katarina, because he has to be engaged to someone else (or thinks he does). And Katarina, to her own surprise, became sad.

Because then I can imagine a whole Ouran Highschool Host Club like-scenario, with Katarina going after Geordo but some other group or force tries to stop her.

Then whole harem helps her get to him, each letting her go in the process, because of their feelings (not despite) they all want Katarina to be happy.

There are so many possibilities for these two, so even if it’s not what I imagine, I’m just excited to see what is to come for these two. 

They just won over my little shipper heart.

2.  Katarina x Mary

I greatly enjoy Mary and Katarina’s friendship and whole dynamic. I love their scenes together. Seeing them together as friends, an unrequited love, a couple – is perfection for me.

They have such wonderful chemistry together and I’m always hungry for more. 

I love Mary having that bit of an edge to her (apparently more so in the Light Novels). And combined with Katarina’s density you have the makings of a great comedic dynamic.

In the game it seems like Mary was just the perfect lady – outside and inside. There wasn’t a darker shade or ulterior aspect to her (though that could just be the game’s limited view of the world).

But our Mary, she is more than willing to fight for Katarina.

That girl has an extensive profile on all of her rivals and is closely monitoring all their relationships with Katarina. Mary would cut a bitch is what I’m saying.

Which is very similar to Geordo, which is why I think Mary is so appealing to me as a love interest for Katarina. What I like about Geordo and Katarina, Mary and Katarina also have that factor.

Also, since Katarina is best girl and Mary is also best girl then clearly the two should be together (I’m sorry, Sophia and Maria – I love you two as well).

If Mary got the girl in the end, I would be over the moon.  And that’s what shipping is all about.

3. Katarina x Maria

I enjoy their relationship, whether it be platonic or romantic.

I was curious when I began to read the Manga if Maria was going to become the villain, since Katarina became the heroine. I was pleased that was not the case – hell, far from it as Katarina romanced her too.

They’re just so cute and sweet. And I love that when everyone else is exasperated with Katarina, Maria is just smiling all lovey-dovey, not even bothered. That’s great.

It also seems like Katarina saved Maria from her loneliness in a way that the game never really explored with the four main love-interests, so there’s that whole aspect to their relationship, which I am intrigued by and really like. 

If I’m being honest, though, I do think they are missing that good romantic tension that I think all good romances need. I want more of a bite to them and their relationship. So, they’re not quite there for me as a couple, at least not yet. 

Nonetheless, Katarina is lovely and wonderful. Maria is lovely and wonderful. So, the two of them together would be lovely and wonderful. 

4. Katarina x Alan

I guess with the kind of character Alan is, I thought we would have gotten more of his relationship with Katarina than what we actually get (in the Manga so far).

When I started reading the manga, I just assumed he was going to be the main rival to Geordo. So, when that didn’t happen, I was surprised. A part of me feels like there’s something missing with these two that I’m not being shown, which piques my imagination.

I like that the anime has elaborated on Alan and Katarina’s relationship, with what we’ve been given so far, because their relationship was lacking.

I love the drama of Alan falling in love with his brother’s fiancée and all that jazz. They also have a unique dynamic as friends and once rivals which is nice.

While Katarina is dense as all hell, Alan is not too far behind – especially when it comes to feelings and how to act on them. So, their combined density might just kill everyone else if combined– which would be a lot of fun.  

Overall, I do ship them less because of what we’ve been given so far, but more because of their potential.

5. Katarina x Nicol

Unfortunately, for Nicol there’s not all that much of him in comparison to the others.

I like his and Katarina’s relationship from his side - he’s cool and reserved to pretty much everyone (except Sophia), but quickly loses all that calm when it comes to Katarina. 

I do love his whole I’m prepared to walk an appropriate distance behind you, while you become the wife of my dear friend and prince and maybe my future King. That’s just some good romantic angst there.

It’s also nice how they both love Sophia and that is the basis of their entire foundation. 

There is something so underrated about a person falling for another, because of how they interact with their family. 

Oh, and Sophia rooting for these two, is just too cute.

6. Katarina x Raphael

Honestly, these two just comes across as though Katarina adopted a new little brother – even though he’s older. But I’m not opposed to their dynamic if it got more development. I’m really more in love with their friendship than anything else, though. 

Non-Katarina Ships (Gasp, can it be?)

7. Alan x Mary

I really like their dynamic as it currently is – and it would hilarious to me that while these two are engaged and both in love with Katarina – that somehow amongst all of that mess they started to develop feelings for one another.

In the game, Alan didn’t have any feelings for Mary (which how is that even possible - she’s Mary).

But, boy did he get jealous in this timeline when he thought Katarina was stealing away his fiancée when they were kids (which, yeah, that was 100% the case).

It feels like there could definitely be something between these two, which I’m not oppose to, as long as it feels organic and not just them being paired off together to tie up loose ends. 

8. Maria x Raphael 

I don’t know why, but I just really like the idea of these two together. Maybe because it feels like opposites coming together with their magic.

I think it would be fun if one of Maria’s romance-targets became a romantic possibility for her in this time-line. I just like them - romantic or not.

9. Keith x Maria

I think they would be sweet. Out of the four main romance-targets these two just work the best with how they are in the current timeline, in my opinion.  

10. Keith x Nicol

I saw a fan comic of these two and I liked it…

Keith being charmed by Nicol (as we have seen men are also affected) is nice. They also have the whole, I will do anything to protect my sister thing, going for them.

So, that’s some nice shared ground between the two of them. 

11. Keith x Sophia

They’re both very sweet and adorable younger siblings. It would be cute.

12. Mary x Maria

Honestly, why not. There’s not a real reason here, other than – why the hell not?

 --

And that’s who I ship in Otome Game No Hametsu Flag. 

This is just my personal opinion of who I ship. No judgement on anyone else or what they ship or who their favorite ship is. 

Also, sorry for the length. I have a lot of feelings and opinions on Hamefura. 

[m-oana-archive]

A Love Too Heavy (For Just One to Hold) pt. 3

catch up on pt. 1 | pt 2. 

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader x Remus Lupin

Words: 3629 

Summary: After pining after Y/N for years, Sirius finally gets the girl: the happy ending the story is supposed to end with.  The only problem is the fact Sirius’ feelings for Remus still haven’t seemed to go away.  But he isn’t the only one starting to question their ability to love two people at the same time.

A/N: This is the last part, and includes too many italicized words and usages of “oh” (which are almost always italicized). 

requestor: @shinysilverunicorn-blog  | read on AO3 | Masterlist

Y/N’s POV 

How to describe Sirius and Remus?  Y/N could do so simply, stating they were her closest friends, easily the two most important people in her life.  But that wouldn’t include the whole of it.  The way each of them were so different that both were essential to the functions of her heart. 

Sirius was like a catchy tune: people got drawn to him.  Even if he got annoying and overbearing, there was something that made him impossible to distance yourself from fully.  And like a catchy tune, you wouldn’t expect there to be more than one layer to him, but that was wrong entirely.  He wore leather and confidence, but only because he knew what it did for him, not because it matched what was held underneath.  He knew about himself—his fears, hopes, failures, self-destructive tendencies—well enough to know how to look like he had none of them.  Then there was Remus.  The opposite.  There was nothing about him that didn’t suggest introspection, from books to sweaters to tea to somehow swerving away from the Marauder reputation by being difficult to associate with petty pranks.  But, while it seemed to be easy for him to dive deep into the depths of his soul, he always stood shivering at the shore before turning away, afraid of what he’d find under cold water.  But with terror came beauty, and Remus couldn’t see past the first part to understand how gorgeous he was. 

They were both wonderful in different ways: if Sirius was the sun, Remus was the shade that protected you.  If Remus was a cup of tea, Sirius was the sugar that made it palatable.  It was hard not to love one and not the other because it seemed as if both were necessary to survive.  

Or, at least, that was the problem Y/N was facing. 

Y/N remembered the first time she saw both.  It was hard to look away from Sirius; sometimes, Y/N swore that his purpose was to be admired.  But, in a similar vein, it was hard to ignore Remus.  While, out of the rest of them, James was too earnest to be captivating and Peter too unsure of himself to be found attractive, Remus was quiet in the way he knew he didn’t have to give himself up to gain attention.  Remus was identical to the pages he read: once you finished one, you couldn’t help flipping to the next.  

She hadn’t meant, or expected, either adorations to turn into crushes.  Instantly, she had wanted to be friends with the whole lot of them.  Not even the cold blood was enough to turn her away; in fact, with her Slytherin ambition, showing her ability to make friendships despite the rivalry became part of the appeal.  But, unbeknownst to her, feelings had started.  With Remus, they were the moments he was loud and obnoxious and so bloody smart it was hard to be anything except amazed.  Similarly, Sirius was at his easiest to fall in love with when he was without facades, wearing some torn-up jumper that belonged to one of “his lads”—almost always Remus—and speaking very quietly of whatever came to his mind first.  They were two sides of the same coin, one that Y/N wished she could hold between her fingers, that Y/N wished she could keep. 

At first, because of her platonic intention, Sirius’ obvious interest was overwhelming, like lights being flashed on in a room right after darkness, not giving eyes time to adjust.  But once her eyes had adjusted, they could barely look at anyone else, envision anyone else kissing her; holding her hand; laying on her bed with her, bodies forming shapes that fit one another perfectly.  

Remus was chillingly indifferent.  When Y/N stated her wishes that someone would ask her to Hogsmeade—subconsciously, this was a complaint that Remus wasn’t doing so—Remus brushed it off casually, saying that someday someone would come along who would treat her right.  The heartbreak of it made her realize how deep her emotions were for him; she was willing to waste her life trying to catch an unreachable moon just so Remus wouldn’t have to endure being transformed by it every month.  And, when she inevitably failed, at least he’d know he was worth a whole lifetime. 

So she picked Sirius, not through a choice, but through a lack of one.  Because, if Y/N truly had her way, she would choose both. 

But apparently, Remus wouldn’t.  Not based on what he had just said to her, moments after some stupid, hopeful part of Y/N thought they might have kissed.   

The sounds of the words Remus had said were gone, but the weight pulled the room down, including everything inside of Y/N.  Her soul felt like the library: all the brightness was sucked out except for two small lights that weren’t enough to make her feel alive anymore. 

“Oh.”  She meant to say it, but she whispered it instead.  Or sighed it.  

For the first time in a long time since meeting and getting to know Remus, her eyes did not want to meet his face.

Silence followed.  A long one; so long that it transcended tension and peace to turn into an overwhelming shallowness, the same kind Y/N felt inside of her chest as she stood waiting.  She knew instinctively that Remus’ mouth was opening and closing above her, trying sentences in his head before realizing he didn’t want to say them out loud.  Y/N wished he would have planned the sentence he had said before with that kind of carefulness.  Since when was Remus so spontaneous, anyway?  When did he make the decision to abandon so much of what made him him, even if it was in the name of honesty? 

The first sound was Remus’ swallow.  Then, his hand brushing through his hair.  Then, his voice, saying, “I didn’t mean that to say I don’t want you to be with him.  I’ve never seen him happier.”  There was such sadness in the admission, the kind of sadness that is made of happiness.  The  kind of sadness that is made of love.

Instantly, something within Y/N shifted.  Anger disappeared.  She looked up to Remus and she could see it on his face, on the purse of his lips and twisting of his eyes and lock of his jaw: Remus really was in love with Sirius.  Or at least could love him.  If given the chance. 

“I can’t just…” Y/N started, drifting, struggling to say anything because words felt so loud.  “You’re… you’re my best friend.  How am I supposed to just sit around dating him in front of you in good conscience?  You’ve put me in quite a position here.  Either I hurt you until you get over him, or I hurt him to spare you.” 

“Please, don’t do anything for me,” Remus automatically replied.  “Really, that wasn’t a cry for pity—” 

“Then why the hell did you tell me that?” 

Remus tugged on his hair.  “I don’t know!  I just couldn’t bear lying to you anymore!” 

“Then want to know something else true?” Y?N said, despite her stomach telling her to stop talking, saying that this was a terrible idea, one rooted out of nothing except anger and childishness.  “I fucking, I fucking had feelings for you, Remus.  But you were so fucking indifferent, always brushing me aside, making me feel like I was just another person to you, no one special.  I stayed in.  I stayed for you.  Struggled silently, hurting every damn day, just because I knew you didn’t mean it.  Why couldn’t you have just waited until… until…” 

Her words faded into a tense silence.  Remus lifted an eyebrow at her.  “Until what?  Until I got over him?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Why didn’t you just say it?  I don’t…” 

Remus was looking at her, and she was doing everything to collapse into herself, to not let her red cheeks be noticed, to make them disappear.  “Oh.”  He paused.  A single moment encapsulating a thousand different ones.  “Y/N, do you still have feelings for me?” 

Y/N laid her hands out in front of her, her body ready to express a logical counter argument her mind could not provide.  Her stature sunk.

“What does it matter?” 

“It matters because…” Remus hesitated, hands still in his hair, running through it desperately.  “Okay, if we’re being very honest here, which we are, I need you to know that, um, a lot of the reason I’m not dating Sirius is because I’m conflicted between him and someone else, someone else who is also in a relationship… and it could work, but I… I’m not sure…” 

“How to politely ask me to remove myself from my own relationship?” Y/N offered. 

Remus’ face hardened.  “No,” he said.  It was stern, absolute.  All at once, Y/N understood.  

Just as suddenly, there was a gasp of wood from the side.  Y/N turned to the door, finding Sirius there.  He had a look of confusion nearing pain on his face and Remus’ jumper on. 

Oh, Y/N realized.  Oh.

If the rumors and legends were true, this could have been the last moment of her life: everything was coming back in flashes.  There were fuzzy, alcohol-smudged scenes of parties, where, in something she misnamed as drunken dumbfuckery, Remus and Sirius were dancing with bodies close together, laughter taking up every part of their mouths.  Times that she would see Sirius leaning in close to whisper something in Remus’ ear, Remus’ ears turning pink regardless of how many times it must have been done before.  There were all the times that Y/N turned around in class to meet Remus’ eyes, just to find they were already on her.  When she would borrow Remus’ jumper from Sirius and Remus wouldn’t protest; “It fits you,” he had said, which she had taken far too literally.  The fact that Sirius wore that jumper more than Remus, yet Remus would never protest.  The late nights of crying herself to sleep, afraid that she had made the wrong choice, because she wanted not one, but both of them. 

She looked back to Remus first.  He was already looking at her.  “Wait here,” she whispered, fighting the urge to kiss him on the cheek nonchalantly before turning and walking towards Sirius. 

This was it.  This had to be it.  

Y/N got to Sirius faster than she had meant too, but had no time to feel self-conscious about it.  “I need you alone for a second,” she said.  Her hands were on his arm, redirecting him out into the corridor before he had time to protest. 

Once they were alone, door closed, Sirius’ body instinctively adjusted into an argument stance: there was a rolling back of his shoulders, a cocking of his chin, a tense spot in his jaw, a crossing of his arms.  “You were real fucking close in there, Y/N.  In dim light, after six hours together… he’s not your boyfriend!  I am!  I barely even see you today and when I finally find you you’re almost kissing him.” 

Y/N waited, trying to cover the ache in her chest with an unbothered expression.  She knew she needed  to apologize, but had to wait: they didn’t have time for this argument right then.  They might never have to have it again, too, if she was right.  She hoped she was right. 

“You have a right to be jealous of him,” she admitted.  “But, let me ask you something: are you jealous of me?” 

Sirius’ muscles softened, or, maybe, they buckled under the pressure of him having been uncovered.  It was too soon to know, too similar to tell.  He opened his mouth, then closed it.  The anger in his eyes was transformed into pain.

Y/N reached to touch his face.  The way he melted into her touch was enough to break her heart, again.  “Sirius.  I’m not asking about what this means for us right now.  I just need to know, honestly, how you feel about Remus.” 

“It’s complicated,” he frowned. 

“It might complicate, but it’s not complicated.  Even if things change because of how you feel, I will always love you so much.  It would be unfair to ask you to tell me the truth and then get mad at you for doing it.” 

With a deep exhale underneath Remus’ jumper and his lips, warm, against the side of Y/N’s hand, Sirius said, “I have feelings for him.  So many.  It’s painful.”   

I know.  God, I know, Y/N thought to herself.  How could anyone meet Remus and not be madly, irresistibly, unforgivably in love with him?  It was foolish of her to think she could not love him; it was nice to know that someone else had also been equally mindless.  Perhaps this was something that made Sirius and Y/N so compatible. 

“It’s okay,” Y/N decided upon saying.  She brushed her thumb against his stubbled cheek.  “I just need to know, does this change how you feel about me?  What dating me means?” 

Sirius’ eyes met hers instantly.  “Merlin, no.  I’m still so ridiculously into you, too, which is why I never told you about Remus—because I usually tell you about everything—because I didn’t know what it meant.  I was so confused.  I still am.” 

“Sirius.”  She stepped closer to him, feeling her eyes fill with tears, either from understanding his sadness or from realizing both of them were helping create it for so long.  “I know.” 

His eyes were angry again, despite the fact hers were wet. 

“I know.  I understand.  God, Sirius, I have feelings for him too!  And I hid it for so long, because I thought he didn’t feel the same, and I liked you so much, and I didn’t know I didn’t have to choose between the two of you.” 

“You didn’t?  You don’t?”  Sirius asked with such shock, it came out as a scream. 

A relief, golden as sunlight, filled Y/N so deeply that she could only shake her head in response, too overwhelmed to do anything else.  The tension that was held inside of her for so long was finally undone and all she could see was how possible everything was now.

“He told me he feels like we do about him.  It’s been so simple!  All of this time, Sirius.  It’s absolutely ridiculous.” 

Sirius layered his hand on top of Y/N’s, tracing the curvature of her knuckles.  “I want to barge in there and kiss that fucker right now,” he admitted, a laugh blossoming out of Y/N’s mouth.  “But I want to ask: are you 100 percent on this?  I know we just started dating, and I always felt like I was so much more eager than you, but you met me there.  But this seems a lot… bigger.   I don’t want you to go beyond what you can handle for me.  You can still have me.  No matter what you say.  I promised I’d stick by you.” 

Y/N pulled herself up to Sirius, kissing him, mouth absorbing the weight of the words he just said, but knowing this was something good.  She pulled away sooner than she wanted to.  Sirius looked both more rooted and more disheveled.  “I know, Sirius.  That’s why I’m okay with this.  I trust you.  I know you won’t push me aside.  And I won’t leave you, either.  I love you, and this is about all three of us, not any two of us.” 

“As long as Remus is comfortable,” Sirius piped up. 

“As long as Remus is comfortable,” Y/N agreed. 

They both looked over at the closed library door.  Something that was keeping Remus outside all of this.  A threshold he’d have to be invited to cross, and would want to.  

Sirius was the first to ask the looming question.  “How do we…” 

“You go,” Y/N offered, automatically getting his eyes on her for the demand of it.  “This has been forever for you, hasn’t it?  Since you met.” 

“Yeah.”  It was soft.  He was flustered, a blush creeping up his neck, as if Y/N hadn’t seen him do much more embarrassing things.  Loving Remus Lupin was not something to be embarrassed about. 

“Then you deserve to be the one.  Plus, he’s your best mate.  And I’ve had to deal with him for six bloody hours.” 

Sirius laughed, and everything felt better.  “Okay,” he breathed.  “Wish me luck?” 

Y/N wanted to yell at him, knock some sense into him.  He’s bloody in love with you! she wanted to shout.  But it was too true to be cocky.  Something struck her here: the fact that, while deeply in love with the both of them and utterly confused, Remus had to hear Sirius say this before asking Y/N out.  Sadness kept finding its way in, as much as it felt wrong, as much as Y/N refused it. 

“Good luck, love,” Y/N said.  He released her hand, slid away from her, slipped between the doors, and was gone. 

It was difficult, those minutes that felt like years, spent waiting for Sirius to explain himself to Remus.  But it felt right.  She had so much time with both of them separately that it was their time to come to terms for what this meant for them.  There was also something so private in the intimacy of a first kiss; if they wanted to share theirs now, Y/N felt as though they should have the room to do so.  And what place is better than a dark, musty library, as secret in the night as their love for one another, filled with as much logic as Remus and as much mystery as Sirius?  

When the door finally opened, only one body emerged.  It was Remus.  He looked different, like something that was knocked over and finally set upright.  He was smiling in a devilish way.  Y/N knew instantly that they had kissed; it was the implantation of Sirius’ lips on his that had left his mouth hanging in the same crooked way that Sirius’ always does. 

“Hi,” she offered, lamely.  The result was rather surprising: Remus' smile straightened and softened.  It was so true she almost had to look away from him.  Again. 

Remus came up to her, close enough to do so much—her mind was raking through possibilities—but failing to; she knew from six years of knowing him that this wasn’t due to anything except respect for her.  She loved him more for it.  Somehow. 

“Sirius told me everything,” he said.  “And I’d be the happiest person in the entire world if I got to have both of you.” 

Y/N understood Sirius’ earlier sudden shyness: hearing Remus say that made her knees weaken and the words she had planned to say jumbled up inside of her head.  The only thing she could think to respond with was, “How was the kiss?” 

Remus’ smirk was back.  “How’d you know?” 

“You looked triumphant and cocky.  It was obvious.”  Remus laughed, hand finding the back of his neck to rub it.  She felt the need to add, “It makes sense, considering how long you waited for that kiss.” 

“Well…” he took a step in, close enough his mouth was almost touching Y/N’s, but still failing to.  “There’s still one more I’m waiting for.  If you’ll have me.”

“Yeah,” she said, already breathless.  “Of course I will.” 

Y/N’s heart was beating impossibly fast as Remus stepped close, cupped her cheek, and led his mouth onto hers.  She thought she’d have the ability to compare his kiss to Sirius’.  She thought wrong; it was too consuming—not in the intensity but the depth of it, the realness of it—it was impossible for her to think about anything except the fact she was kissing Remus Lupin.  She was kissing Remus Lupin.  It had worked.  It had all worked out.  She had Remus’ right hand on her cheek, the left trailing up the back of her head.  She had his sweater in the clutches of her fists, a silent ask for more.  She had Remus’ tongue in her mouth—she had Remus’ goddamned tongue in her mouth—turning her stomach into a night sky riddled with fireworks.  It was too surreal to be real.  But it was. 

When they parted, they were both breathless.  Y/N released her fists to allow her fingers to instead draw random shapes across Remus’ sturdy chest.  She felt happy, at peace.  Yet there was still something missing. 

“Sirius,” she called from over Remus’ shoulder.  “Open that damn door and get over here!” 

He appeared instantaneously.  Without explanation, he spelled the lights off inside of the library, and produced a key from his pocket which he then used to lock the door. 

Sirius came up to them, attaching himself to Remus’ side in the same way he always had, but leaning into him more than usual, as if to say this is how I always have felt, but now I can show it.  Y/N scanned both of their faces, two beautiful boys, scarred and wonderful in their own ways, and hers. 

“Walk me home?” she asked.  They both nodded, starting off into the night.  A natural formation befell the three of them: Remus standing in the center, Sirius leaning into him in a way that demanded Remus to wrap his arm around his waist, and Y/N holding Remus’ hand, his thumb stroking her palm.  All around them, evening was whispering, with cricket chirps, light breezes, and clouds shifting the moonlight from above.  It was soft and calm and real, real, real.  Somehow.  It was real.  

⬥  ⬥  ⬥  ⬥  ⬥  ⬥  ⬥  ⬥

Taglist (let me know if you want to be added): @astertist @beskarjedi @bluemadcnna @boring-viola @carolinesbookworld @finnofamerica @fortisfiliae @gabriel-r3ap3r-reyes @gryffndor @jamcspotters @just-some-nerd @lonelyheart-jadedsoul @neewtmas @portkeys-and-prose @siriusement @siriuslyimmoony @sly-vixen-up2nogood @swellwriting @the-apple-princess @theboywhocriedlupin @who-cares-unknown @woakiees @wzardings @samcycle @luckygirl144

[ellaenchanting]

Hypnovember 2019 Master List

Jesus. Jesus Christ, that’s a lot of writing. I don’t really consider myself a writer generally and this is definitely the first time I’ve written this much this quickly. I’m going to look at my word count soon, but- I think I may have written a novel’s length of words? Wow.Thanks to everyone who encouraged me during this or provided support/ideas: thinking of @daja-the-hypnokitten , @liminal-wanderings , @mr-ackerman , @spiralturquoise , @wellgnawed , @sex-obsessed-lesbian , and @hypno-sandwich especially here but there were lots of y’all who reblogged or made kind comments. I appreciate every one of them. :)

Here’s a catch up of everything I’ve written so far this month. In honor of @jukeboxemcsa, I’ve also included a HypnoBS rating where 1 is absolute bullshit and 5 is normal Tuesday night.

Icons- 📰- story. 🔊- audio 💻- technology 😍- romantic 🌈- queer 😴- regular ole’ hypnosis 🛀- brainwashing and/or hypnotist in a tub 👻- spooky 🐈- at least one happy pussy ❓- bad or reeeally questionable consent ✝️- author's weird religious feels that somehow kept coming up

Day 1: Base Character-F/f 📰😍🌈🛀🐈 

Choice quote: ”Or maybe it was the ship of Theseus- Janine seeing how many little pieces of her she could replace until she fundamentally just wasn’t the same person anymore.”

HypnoBS- I haven’t done this kind of play and have no first hand experience. Let’s say 3.

Newly added 11/18: @undersleeper requested some extra information on how the brainwashing was actually done in this story so I added this non-canon sequel. (I think the sequel boosts the BS score to a 4.)

Day 2: Colors- F/nb 📰😴 🌈

Choice quote: “Bri used to consider themselves a bad hypnotic subject.”

HypnoBS- 4. I haven’t done this induction specifically but love doing these kinds of overloads

Day 3: Dizzy- no gender specified🔊😴

Choice quote: “When you take deep breaths, you feel like you’re getting more oxygen, but actually the opposite is true.”

HypnoBS-5. Should get you in trance, we’re not ranking the accuracy of all the science herein.

Day 4: Sing- m/f kinda I guess? 📰👻❓

Choice quote:  “Tonight wasn’t the night to give in, he told himself. Not yet.”

HypnoBS- 1. Thank God.

Day 5: Poison- M/f 📰😍🛀🐈

Choice quote: “Lila could admit it. She was kind of a brat.But Sean? He was worse. He was a fucking troll.“

HypnoBS- 4? Haven’t done it, could probably make something in this realm work with the right person.

Day 6: Summon- F/f 📰😍😴🌈🐈

Choice quote: “Number one, there is no butch street cred. And number two- if there was such a thing, you and I both know that being seduced by a beautiful woman would only increase it.”

HypnoBS- 3 or 4. It’s quick and there would need to be a lot more talking generally. But sure.

Day 7: Underwear- F/f 📰😴🌈

Choice quote: “Under….where”, Destiny tested the word out loud. It sounded like a portmanteau of some sort. She understood the word “under” and the word “where” (or “wear”? “where are” maybe? maybe it was German?) but those two words together didn’t form much of a picture.”

HypnoBS- 5. Although have only done this as a hypnotist so I can’t speak to subject POV. This kind of thing is adorable to watch, though.

Day 8: Neighbor- F/f📰😍🌈 ❓

Choice quote: “When Jiyeon tapped her pencil, Alyssa tapped her pencil lightly to match.”

HypnoBS- 1. Maybe 1.5 since there are no monsters or demons.

Day 9: Idiotic- no gender specified📰😴

Choice quote: “Because Id-iotic. It’s literally what you want deep down”

HypnoBS-4. Not my thing but with the right people- sure.

Day 10: Smell- F/m 📰😴😍🛀🐈

Choice quote: “Belinda had also woken up from sexy dreams at night to the feeling of Ray’s head buried in her cunt.”

HypnoBS- 3 on the details. Some parts are more plausible than others. We’re outside my realm of experience here so others could probably rank more accurately.

Day 11: Broadcast- Hypnovirus/f 📰💻🛀✝️

Choice quote: “It felt important to present herself to the screen in a way that demonstrated her vulnerability and openness to instruction.”

HypnoBS- 4. Probably not likely, but I could see this kind of symbolic bleed with the right person pretty easily.

Day 12: Stage- M/m 📰😍🌈😴

Choice quote: “Brandon had not mentioned the hypnosis thing to Scott- it felt weird and personal and he had already half-convinced himself that he was being creepy in response to Scott’s platonic friendliness. He didn’t want to scare him off. He had never expected to see him here.”

HypnoBS- 5. At least as far as the hypnosis goes

Day 13: Bath- no gender specified 🔊🛀😴

Choice quote: *insert rambling about Pat Collins here*

HypnoBS- 5. But also a high general BS score. I was tired and needed to finish a thing. I am surprised but grateful people liked this one. :P

Day 14: Machine- M/f 📰😴💻😍✝️

Choice quote: “For as long as she could remember, Deidre had longed for self-annhilation.”

HypnoBS- 1. That’s not how brains work.

Day 15: Ooze- there’s a m and a f 📰😴🛀❓

Choice quote: “For example, your badge- did you know that putting all the stickers on the top of your badge like that usually means that you’re a hypnotist?”

Amy’s eyes widened a bit. “It does?”

HypnoBS- 2. Sadly.

Day 16: Wedding- something/f 📰👻❓

Choice quote: “She knew then that she was alone. No one could help her. No one could even see her.”

HypnoBS- 1.

Day 17: Gentle- a different something/f  📰 kinda 🐈❓✝️

Choice quote: “As long as she didn’t focus on it, it would write the story for her.”

HypnoBS- 1. I think. :P

Day 18: Infection- not stated/m 📰 🛀❓

Choice quote: “If he could just get the song out of his head, maybe he’d have a chance.”

HypnoBS- 2. 

Day 19: Hideout- F/f 📰  🐈 😍😴🛀🌈

Choice quote: “’Come to me, pet. Come to me.’ 

Mesmera.

 She could always sense when Galaxy Girl was weak. She consistently picked the perfect time to strike.

And now, she had found her apartment.”

HypnoBS-4.5

Day 20: Watch- no gender specified 🔊 😴

Choice quote: “Feel your thoughts just tick tick tick tick ticking gone”

HypnoBS-5

Day 21: Fighting- F/m 📰 😴

Choice quote: “His mistress loved resistance play. She delighted in watching him struggle and strain against an irresistible impulse.”

HypnoBS-5 Mmmm :)

Day 22: Mistaken- F/an entire hypnocon  📰  😴

Choice quote: “Ginger- submissive, wide-eyed, bottomy Ginger- was holding a crowd of 8 people in her hypnotic thrall. Some had their eyes closed already, while others were staring at her with the rapt look of early trance.“

HypnoBS- 4. But only because I haven't seen it yet. :P

Day 23: Heist- F/m  📰  🛀❓(😍 but it’s pretty messed up)

Choice quote: “The inside of the vault had gotten somewhat sparse-looking- David had been cleaning out the bank out at a much quicker pace recently- but there were still plenty of treasures here to bring to his mistress.”

HypnoBS- 3, maybe 2

Day 24: Business F/f 📰 😴😍🌈

Choice quote: “Summer was a well-mannered southern girl at heart. She knew that if something was none of her business, it was impolite and rude to know it. Best not to think about it too much. She didn’t want to be nosey.”

HypnoBS- 4

Day 25: Babble F/m📰 😴 🛀 (💻 kinda)

Choice quote: “You can feel your access to language lessening….and lessening. Feeling those parts of your brain losing blood, quieting, going to sleep. Imagine what that might look like on the fMRI- the color draining, darkening, going black. Your ability to use language can be almost completely gone.”

HypnoBS- 5 (Neuroscience BS- closer to 3)

Day 26: Enemy M/f 📰 😴😍🐈 

Choice quote: “When she was denied for long periods of time, everything became sexual.”

HypnoBS- 5. Unf.

Day 27: Confidence F/m 📰 😴❓

Choice quote: “Dr Eleanor had been recommended to Richard by his friend Jon who had seen her previously. “She won’t bullshit you,” he had said, “she just gets right to the roots of your issues and helps you solve them.” He must have known what he was talking about- a year after visiting Dr Eleanor, Jon had recently married a wonderful woman. He was also running marathons and succeeding professionally. There were worse people to listen to, Richard thought.”

HypnoBS- 3 (although this kind of gaslighting is real and can be effective)

Day 28: Abduction F/f M/f background m/m 📰 😴😍🌈

Choice quote: “’And so she….’ Lilliana stopped. She stared for a moment in surprise at the space between Cirie’s fingers. Cirie looked like she was holding a small, invisible ball. Liliana tried to recall her train of thought (something about work?) but found herself strangely blank.

She looked at Cirie in astonishment. 

‘You took it!’ she accused.”

HypnoBS- 5

Day 29: Doctor Doctor/Master (from Dr Who) 📰 😴🌈💻

Choice quote: “The doors in the Master’s mind all appeared to be open. The Doctor quickly scanned for malicious intent but-

Oh.

Oh my.

So that’s why.”

HypnoBS- I...uh...1?

Day 30: Kink The author/her self-indulgent whims 📰 🌈

Choice quote: “Ultimately, she really just  liked her friends- and she especially loved hearing all of their stories.”

HypnoBS- Cake. Imma eat a cake.

Thank you all for reading these! I know this is a long post, but I’d really appreciate reblogs of it. If you’ve liked my stories, please consider leaving me a tip on Ko-fi! Also I’d be happy to give extra information on any of the characters or a bit of what happens next if you want to send me an ask about any of these stories. I’m finding myself with a strange craving to write. Funny how that works. :P

[neighborhoodmoonchild]

Every Part.

Prompt(s):

84. “Yeah, well, I shut everybody out. Don’t take it personally, it’s just easier that way.”

Pairing(s): BestFriend!Namjoon x Reader

Genre(s): Angst, Fluff (maybe just a little)

Summary: Joon hasn’t seen his best friend Y/N in a while, even skipping their daily morning coffee dates. Deciding to check on her, he finds there may be more than a supposed ‘cold’ keeping them apart. How do you love someone that’s too afraid to be loved?

Warning(s): some allusion to toxic relationships (romantic and platonic), fear of being vulnerable, depression, ptsd

Word Count: 3k

It wasn’t like you to skip out on daily morning coffee. In fact, you had been quite vocal about it being the only thing to get you through the day; the dismal clouds parting above your head as the caffeine descends your throat and warms your veins in a way that can only be described as pure euphoria. Then, there was also Namjoon’s more than satisfactory company, to which he would counter is better than any warm drink could ever be and you didn’t have the heart to convince him otherwise.

These were two things, two whole things, that gave you reason to get up in the morning despite the ache in your soul and the dull stab in your heart. So why were you making yourself more miserable by denying yourself even that smallest bit of sanctuary?

It’s an easy question to ask and a frustratingly difficult one to answer. In retrospect, shouldn’t you be elated to have a wonderful escape, though minute as it was, from the never ending war of thoughts in your mind? Namjoon is your best friend, admittedly only friend, and he’d never wronged you in any way, shape, or form. In fact, he always understands your silent breakdowns and internal battles, never once questioning or judging. And yet, here you are, not only punishing yourself, but punishing him as well.

A light buzz interrupted your thoughts, pressing pause on the inner monologue to turn over in your disheveled bed. Pushing the covers away from your face, you grab the device discarded on the bedside table. Thinking back, you should’ve just turned the thing off if you didn’t want to talk to him, but even after ignoring him for the last six calls and messages, you couldn’t find it in yourself to completely cut him off.

Even in the darkest recesses of your mind, tainted by evil thoughts, a piece of you reached forward, searching for the tiny light of Namjoon despite the protests from the negative space. He is reminiscent the sun, whether you hate or love it each day, it’s always there, just like him.

Joonie💜:

-I know you don’t feel up to anything today, but please take care of yourself. I’m a call or text away if you need anything❤️

In spite of yourself, you crack the slightest smile at the message. Being the first one you’d opened in the last 3 hours, you were both relieved and regretful. You know Joon would never impose or push you to share the thoughts and feelings that plague your soul. You’d simply waved his concern off with a small fib of a cold keeping you from your daily routine.

A part of you knows his earlier messages may convey his suspicions of the sudden ailment, but seeing this last one, he’s either finally accepted it or just doesn’t want to pry. It’s the knowledge of the false truth, as simple as it may seem, that sends a swirl of upset through your gut.

You and Joon are as close as close can be and one thing you promised each other was to always be honest. Truth is incredibly important to Joon, important to you as well, and yet, the urge to indulge in this cardinal sin of your friendship won over.

It felt like an awful pattern, one you have been desperate to be free from. No matter how hard you try move on from the past, the negative thoughts, the toxicity of it all, it seems like it always follows, attracted as if centered in your own gravitational pull.

It was the smallest thing that set it off, a grain of sand in a vast ocean that sent tidal waves the size of skyscrapers crashing into your resolve. A simple brush of a hand pulling forth images of past events once thought forgotten. A black and white silent film of horrors replaying over and over again no matter how many times you tried to turn it off.

A glimpse of your father leaving you and your mother in tears, a flash of your first real boyfriend breaking your heart, a shot of your once best friend using those darkest secrets against you. Every person you’d ever been close to in life had found a way to inflict pain. The constant sting of the knife as you let your walls down only made them rebuild higher each time.

It was pure accident you’d managed to let Namjoon in in the first place, and he rooted so well behind those walls you’d thought it would all be different this time. No one had ever stayed this long, been real and honest this long, made you truly happy this long.

And no matter how many times you told the monster in your head that ‘he’s different,’ ‘he’d never do that to you,’ ‘he really cares,’ it reminded you just how many times those same things had been uttered of others. A father would never do that, yet he did. The seemingly love of your life was different from him, and yet he wasn’t. Your best friend truly cares, but she really didn’t. You’ve always been proven wrong; painfully and wholly wrong.

Instead of waiting around for Namjoon to prove himself just like them, deciding to cut your losses before the blow could build felt like the better alternative. To see him turn into the mold of everyone who hurt you before, you decided, would be worse than pushing away and cutting all ties. Instead of waiting for the impending heartbreak to crash into you, you’d drive into it head on and get it over with.

The worst part is the lie. Not the little white lie of a cold, but the lie that he believes you’ll come back to him. That this ‘cold’ will run it’s course and you’ll both be back to the way it was. You’d meet at the coffee shop on Main and he’d walk you home and spend the rest of the day chatting and laughing like normal; everything would be okay. He was none the wiser that those days were over; that you’d be gone from his life without any explanation.

It hurt. More than anything you’d ever felt before.

The last rays of sunshine filtered through the blinds hanging dully in the windows for mere seconds before disappearing behind the dark cast of the night sky.

You still hadn’t left the bed.

Just as you were about to close your eyes and give in to the sweet release of sleep, a knock reverberated throughout the tiny apartment. Your phone had long since died and you felt no urge to revive it, the forewarning of a late night visit unbeknownst to you. Eyes focused on the ceiling, you waited for the silence to span enough time to signal their leave, but the knocks only repeated, almost urgent this time.

The lack of food, water, and movement from the day spent wallowing in bed hazed your mind, and after what felt like the hundredth knock, you rose stiffly from the covers. Joints hissing and cracking as you engaged in the first bit of physical activity in the past 24 hours, you almost tipped over as the blood quickly rushed to your head, making it spin.

Not being able to form any fluent or cohesive thoughts, you wandered aimlessly through the dark apartment until reaching the door handle. You didn’t even bother peeking through the peephole, simply pulling the door until it jerked back from the still-latched chain and squinted out into the bright hallway.

Your eyes immediately adjusted to stare into the dark pair of eyes of the person you’d vowed to quit cold turkey. As he took you in, his face paled, features dropping as if he was staring into the face of death.

“I know you want to be alone right now, but please, don’t shut me out.”

His voice was hoarse, choked with emotions your fogged brain couldn’t comprehend. Refusing to lift the latch and allow him entrance, you stood still, not sure how to react, as your brain slowly processed what was happening.

Namjoon didn’t make any move to force himself inside, to push you to let him in. Instead, he kept your gaze focused on him as he assessed you. Wrinkled sweats and a hoodie that looked like they’d been slept in for multiple days wrapped messily around your small frame. Your hair a tangled, matted nest told him you hadn’t had a proper shower in a while. The skin around your eyes dark purple and sunken in, flesh a pale, sickly hue that scared him.

Namjoon was no fool, he knew what a cold looked like on you, and this was not right. In his gut, he knew since that day, that something had snapped within you.

It started out innocent enough, as he walked you home from the bookstore you’d frequented together. He had carefully brushed his hand against yours, heart aching to slip your fingers into his and hold on tight. Joon hadn’t truly realized his feelings had crossed from platonic to romantic until it hit like a freight train an hour prior.

Standing in the window of the store reaching skywards for a book that caught your eye, he’d graciously grabbed the book for you with a laugh, admiring your effort even though it was much too high. When he chanced a look down at you as he handed off the object of your struggle, he caught that gleam in your eye as you smirked at him. The light of the setting sun formed a soft orange halo that enveloped every curve and dip of your body in a radiant glow. 

He was entranced, watching your fingers flip through the pages cautiously, face warmed by the sun, cheeks tinged an adorable light pink. You looked like an angel sent directly from the heavens above and it stole his breath away.

Namjoon’s friendship with you is his most prized possession. In that moment his heart yearned for more, but his mind told him that if he pushed too hard, he’d lose you. In the simplest of hand brushes, he thought he’d be able to convey to you in a subtle, careful way what he was feeling in that moment, hoping and praying deep down you felt the same.

It all shattered when he saw that gleam in your eyes dim, flushed cheeks devoid of their once healthy glow, as if you’d been touched by a ghost. His heart broke into a million little pieces, sensing deep down he had likely dismantled everything you’d ever built together with the most innocent of gestures.

A needle brought down the entire haystack.

At first, your excuse of illness didn’t perturb him. It wasn’t until day three that he knew his instincts were right; that something more serious was going on. When you ghosted him all day, he thought, for a brief moment, you might be gone. It sent him into a frenzy that led to racing up the steps of your building panicked, pounding harshly on your door until he could confirm with his own eyes you were here. That you were okay.

Only, that wasn’t what was confirmed to him at all once he saw you. Your body may physically be here, but it looked like your soul, your whole being, had dissipated and left nothing but a walking husk in its wake. If anything, seeing you right now only made him all the more terrified.

Namjoon may be your closest friend, but that did not make him privy to your darkest thoughts. One didn’t, however, need to be explicitly told of the sorrows you’d endured, but need only to experience how you interacted with the world around you.

He saw it in the little things, like how you’d shut down after seeing a happy family in public.

Or how the mentions of finding a boyfriend from his friends when he’d managed to get you to hang out would cause you to excuse yourself and avoid contact afterwards.

Most importantly, it was in the way that no matter how close the two of you seemed to get, he was never allowed into the deepest parts of your mind, to let him share the burden or see the truth that lay inside of you.

He had all the warning signs, yet his heart was selfish and greedy, wanting a piece of you he knew you kept locked away, and it was that longing for more that took it all away.

Namjoon would take it back if he could.

“Yeah, well, I shut everybody out. Don’t take it personally, it’s just easier that way.” 

The words slipped out before you had the mind to just shut the door and pretend it never happened. Your throat was dry, coarse, and it translated into the rough tone of your voice. You didn’t even recognize it as your own as it rang through the still air.

Eyes glued to the dirty carpeting of the landing, you couldn’t find the strength to look him in the eyes again. The longer you stood there, mere inches of wood separating you, the harder it got to hold your resolve. It was easy to keep away when he wasn’t there to remind you of all of the reasons to stay and fight.

The silence was deafening, neither party knowing the right thing to say, if there even was anything ‘right’ to say in the first place. If you couldn’t be honest with yourself, how could you ever expect to be honest with Namjoon?

Running away, leaving, abandoning things. That was the only course of action you’d ever bore witness to when it came to relationships. If it was so easy for your father, your boyfriend, your best friend, to leave you, why was it so difficult for you to leave Namjoon?

The salty taste in your mouth gave way to the tears that flowed freely down your face, even though you hadn’t given them consent to do so. You didn’t want him to see you like this, so broken at your own undoing. 

As much as a part of you wanted to blame Joon, to say that this was his fault, you knew it wasn’t. As much as you wanted to blame the past, the monstrous characters that shaped your negative outlook on the world, you didn’t.

It must have been, and always will be, your fault.

If everyone in your life leaves, the only constant factor, is you. There must be something wrong with you that forces people out, makes it easier for them to walk away. 

Like the second a bomb goes off, the realization that all the pain you’d endured: the wars waged in your mind, the destruction of yourself and the life you tried to salvage, could all be self-inflicted tore apart every fiber of your being with the initial blast.

For so long you’d chalked the misfortune up to bad luck; ill-fate. You were a victim of circumstance. Yet now all you could see was yourself at the root of every disaster. 

Suddenly drowning a the sea of self-deprecating thoughts, the weight of your body felt like a ton of bricks with which you no longer had the strength to support. 

Falling to your knees, you didn’t realize you had, at some point, subconsciously unlatched the door, until warm, strong arms caught you in your dissent. 

They held you as you cried; a loud, ugly cry, that had your inner-self cringing. It couldn’t be helped, though, and you no longer cared as you let the sobs wrack every part of you. The only thing anchoring you being the man you tried so desperately to push away.

His soft ‘shs’ combined with the soft glide of his hand in your hair calmed you despite the circumstances. You were a complete and utter mess.

And yet, Namjoon was still here.

After the stress you’d put him through, the lies, the ghosting, the cold shoulder, he remained constant, steady throughout the storm. He didn’t walk away when things got difficult, he didn’t blame you, he didn’t hurt you.

He is here, holding you, telling you it’s going to be okay.

The small part of you, the dark piece tainted by the negativity, had quietly retreated within you. The tiny hand reaching out for Namjoon’s light had prevailed. That film inside your brain burned away like acid as a new one began production. One in bright, saturated color; full of all the wonderful things you’ve experienced life with Namjoon.

Coffee dates, movie nights, grocery runs at 3 a.m.

Bad jokes, boisterous laughter, warm blankets.

Tight hugs, pinky promises, your best friend.

“I’m right here. I’ll always be right here,” he whispers through tears. He’s holding you tightly, despite the part of his mind screaming at him that this is what got him into trouble in the first place. His deep, innate need to protect you, to hold you, won over any worries he had of pushing you further away. When he felt your arms wrap tightly around him, face nuzzling into his chest, he knew he’d made the right choice.

In the end, it wasn’t space that would heal your heart, but closeness. You’d been so scared of him leaving, you tried to force him away, when he wanted nothing more than to keep you close. 

Finally, you realized that Namjoon was the only person who has ever stayed. He’d had plenty of time to walk away, been given a multitude of opportunities to excuse himself from your life, yet he never did. 

He rode out everything you’d thrown at him. 

As you both sat there, tear-streaked messes holding each other as if your lives depended on it, you knew that this storm had passed. Despite any damage it had caused, with Namjoon by your side, it wasn’t anything that couldn’t be repaired.

Letting a person in when you’ve been broken so many times is not easy and it never will be. A part of you will always be wary that one day something will change, that you might eventually wake up and be on your own again. It is a part of dealing with the trauma you’ve faced.

While Namjoon can never ‘fix’ the ‘broken’ parts of you, he will be there to show you new, beautiful parts of yourself that have long gone overlooked. To be the shoulder you can cry on, the ear you can confide to, the heart you can someday love without reserve.

It’s never been about putting the pieces back together, tearing the walls down, or proving the past wrong.

Namjoon’s only wish is to be there for you in any way you let him, to be himself, and live life with the person he cares about the most. 

So, he’ll be there through every pitfall, every tear, every laugh, every smile, because to Namjoon, every part of you is worth sticking around for. Always. 

“Thanks for not leaving.”