#but either way it's why i've been so sparse lately

[getvalentined]

I love when folks ask me Fandom Old questions and I get to be like "Yeah, uh, that's from my old online RP group, no it's not canon at all, yes we just made it up, no we did not claim it was canon but the mid to late aughts were a strange time."

It's honestly a shock to realize how often this has happened. I mentioned earlier that Reno's fanon surname came from this same group, but that's not even the half of it. I once made a bunch of screenshot manips based on the most ridiculous ships anyone could think of—someone slapped a random line of text onto one of them and to this day it's used as a "cringe FF7 fandom" meme. I saw it on the twits a bit back and almost fell out of my goddamn chair.

If you've ever heard Scarlet referred to with the surname "West," read about Tseng fighting with metal fans, seen Elena's older sister being called Anna instead of Emma, come across Vincent portrayed as having a PhD in spite of being a Turk, or caught references somewhere to Grimoire experimenting on Vincent as a child, that started with this group. That was us.

One of the funniest examples of this, for me specifically, is that we don't actually know which arm Veld is missing? The fandom generally goes with his left because that's how I drew him in the first picture of the guy ever posted on devart way back in 2005, but it may very well be his right. I've seen people offer "proof" that it's his right based on a scene in the opening cutscene, but you can't tell there either, and with BC's graphics there's literally no way to tell on his sprite.

Hell, this year we found out everyone's assumed timeline of the Kalm fire is wrong, and that's our fault too because we made some assumptions about Felicia's age for an LJ RP that were entirely wrong. She's around Zack's age, not Sephiroth's! She's old enough to run with a terrorist group in BC, but she was a child when Kalm burned, and that happened in 1997—we know this because NPCs in Rebirth literally refer to the fire in Kalm having happened "just ten years ago." Veld has only had his prosthetic for three years when BC starts. (This also implies that, contrary to popular belief, Veld may actually be younger than Vincent. Vincent may have been the senior partner, and that's why he was sent to Nibelheim alone while Veld was left at headquarters.)

We were really wrong on this! But we were working with what we had. There's no canon evidence for the vast majority of these things (the most notable exclusion here is Vincent being educated) but we weren't claiming there was. We were filling gaps, and canon was so sparse that we had a lot of gaps to fill. So if it turns out that Veld lost his right arm, then I'll just have to start drawing him that way—because losing his left was never canon.

Tragically, there's nothing any of us can do to make people stop assuming these things are canon at this point; there aren't a lot of us still in the fandom, and it's not like any of us have those old chatlogs anymore. People from this RP group have DIED since those days. It's been over 20 years since most of us met, and around 15 since most of us were in a public fannish space together.

"Prove it," people say, and I literally can't. Do you know how many computers I've been through since then? 75% of the platforms we used no longer exist. This all started on a BBCode forum! There is no proof!

But...there's no evidence any of these things are canon, either, so maybe think about that? The Kalm fire, Tseng's weapon of choice, Veld's arm, character surnames—none of these are retcons because there was no lore there to retcon. We made it up for our specific purposes, and it escaped containment in an era when there was really no way to do online contact tracing.

It's just one of the weirdest feelings in the world to see younger folk arguing about A or B point in canon, about X or Y retcon—referencing something my friends and I thought up at like 10 o'clock at night on a now-defunct IM client in August of 2005, because we needed something to refer back to for a specific scene in an RP and the source material had nothing to offer.

Absolutely fucking bonkers.

[limeade-l3sbian]

Sorry, this is probably a heavy thing to put on, feel free to delete if this is too much for you to handle, I promise it won't upset me. I'm really considering suicide. I have a lot going on in my personal life and now that my eyes have been opened to how much the world hates women I find it difficult to cope. I truly don't know how to navigate the world knowing half the population wants to cut me up, use my reproductive organs, rape me, kill me, slather me in makeup, mutilate me, beat me, degrade and humiliate me just for being female. I can't trust or make friends anymore. I feel hopeless. Idk what I expect you to say, I just need to get this out and know that at least one person sees it and understands.

I don't know how helpful this will be, but I hope you know that I've been feeling the same way as well. It's part of why I haven't really been super active lately. I've been going through it as well, so I at the very least, hope you don't think you're alone.

This is a very shitty world and we are in this strange limbo right now of things either staying shit or getting shittier. And it's important to me that I don't give you advice that wouldn't personally help me. I think the best advice I can give you is this:

You're not going crazy. This hopelessness you feel is happening in record numbers. And your feelings about all this are completely valid. I hate that they're valid. I wish I could tell you, "But why do you think that's what's happening?" I wish i could be indignant and suggest that perhaps you were just looking too deeply into nothing. But you're not, and that's the biggest curse in being aware of the world around you.

I don't have the perfect answer for you. I wish I could write three paragraphs worth of inspiration and you hit me up two minutes later and tell me that after reading all that, now you want to conquer the world and nothing was going to stand in your way. I don't even have the perfect answer for myself.

I guess the best answer I can give you is that if you left, the world would just be a little more shittier. It would have just a little less sparkle to it that it is already sparse on. Someone's life (including mine, now that I know you exist), will dim in its quality if you were to do it. That hope that everyone grabs onto will lose just a little more grip without you. The world itself would shift in a way that isn't perceivably to you or me.

And that's not to say that you would be selfish to do it. An argument that I absolutely hate. But life would just go from 480p to 360p.

You should stay because what you are contemplating is going to come anyway. I have a post somewhere on here where i talk about how if you are suicidal, the best way to go about doing it is to live. Go out and live more than you ever have. That's when most people die. When they are out living and something out of their control happens. I would rather you die while ziplining with friends than crying and alone in a bathroom.

This sounds harsh, but I would rather all of this than give you some bullshit, "Oh, it's okay, sweetie. Have you talked to anyone? What about therapy? Did you do breathing exercises?"

You should go out and live, anon. And that doesn't even mean spend money. A full life isn't inevitable, but death is.

[popculturebuffet]

Next up for Disney TVA, who is your favorite character from the cartoons in the 90s half of the Disney One Saturday Morning era: Doug (Disney seasons), Jungle Cubs, Nightmare Ned, 101 Dalmatians the Series, Recess, Pepper Ann, Hercules the Animated Series, and Mickey Mouse Works?

Okay so weeding the field, I haven't seen Jungle Cubs, Nightmare Ned, or 101 Dalmations and haven't seen herc recently enough to actually judge it. Like LMM it's just vauge memories. Thankfully I looked ahead and while there will be gaps LATER the next era i've seen pretty much everything. Can't say I'l lhave the deepest opinons or a faviorite characters, but it won't be nearly as sparse as these last two and had I realized that I woudl've had you just cram both together. For now though Disney's Doug: Not sure as I haven't rewatched these lately, but since i'm not sure I named one in the disney section , Mr Dink with Skeeetr a close second: he's funny, goofy and while advice despensing neighbor wasn't exactly new ground, he helped spice it up by being human: he's goofy as hell, up to some down to earth domestic shenanigan. He's basically the american version of red green. (The red green show is great and if you haven't heard of it.. your welcome)

I remember liking this version. While there are a bunch of changes.. none feel bad. A lot of the additions work: Doug having a little sister opens new ground, the rank up to middle school makes sense as they finished elementary last series, and continuing miss dink as mayor and having Bebe's dad become school principal. It also helps one of my faviorite episodes and the only one from this run I clearly remember is here, where Patti finds out her dad is dating her teacher and dosen't take it well. Disney's Doug isn't a super sharp upgrade, it's still pretty standard slice of life but it dosen't SEEM like the downgrade it gets painted as.

Recess: Gus. I thought this would be hard but no, my relatable pov baby boy is still my faviorite. I like Gus in part because on paper he should stop working after a bit.. but unlike other pov everyman characters there for exposition, he has enough outside it, his insecurity, panicky nature, and genuine kindness, to help. I also like the portrayal of a military kid, who his moves around a lot nature was due to that and it makes his friendship with the kids and fight to be seen not just as "the new kid" that more pognaint. They give him just enough depth to make you fully understand why, despite usually being the voice of reason, he sticks around and yet don't have him be a total stick in the mud either. He's usually all for the heists, he's just one of the first to panic about it and even then Gretchen and Mikey just as often chime in.

As you can probably guess... I love recess. It's one of Disney's best shows period, made my top 10 list for Disney TVA"s 10th annviersary (Also a reminder to not forget clerks in these asks) for a reason and is only not at the top of the pile because the network had some of the best shows in recent memory in the late 2010's early 2020's and even with that this still stacks up with the best of them.

Recess captures how it felt to be a kid well, the larger than life worlds we created, how parts of the playground were carved up, how the teachers felt useless or actively malicoius, yet grounds it in reality: both miss finster and principal prickly are slowly revealed to be people. Like Hey Arnold around the same time, but in it's own way, it provides plenty of one offs for the various other clicks and kids, while giving our main sextet a ton of depth, focus and spotlight. The series has a swiss army knife quality to it, ala batman the animated series (A comparrison I never though tof but i've been binging a lot of serum lake on youtube lately. ) but it's one that fits: like BTAS, Recess can pivot between awwkard stories of growing up like mikey's voice changing, a chilling psychological drama like the box, or a simple exploration of language or how adults take shit too seriously like the whomps or trial episodes. The series goes all the hell over the map from heists to mediations on death to using a pokemon stand in to teach economics. I can't say enough about this show. A true masterpiece like almost nothing else and I only say that because it got the perfect spiritual succcesor in craig of the creek and disney woudln't greenlight the revivial because their stupid.

Pepper Ann: Don't have a faviorite as I didn't watch the show that much but what I saw I like and I should revisit it. I got jazzed when it got added to D+ then.. forgot. Which happens often.

Mickey Mouse Works; This is a weird ask as.. iv'e never seen mickey mouse works.. but i've seen the shorts on house of mouse? As such i'll save the discussion for house of mouse for the most part but the shorts are pretty good. There's a few awful ones, the quality coudl vary wildly, but when it hits it hits

[finely-tuned-line]

RP:

Log 215

FTL: I have no updates on FTLR-3 beyond confirming that its status has barely changed. Perhaps it is coalescing into a smaller area within the chamber, but there has not been enough of this movement for me to confirm that it is indeed happening - and whether or not it's intentional.

FTL: But I have been trying to figure out a way to deactivate it. Typically, the solution to that is to neutralise its self-replication via genetics, but I believe that that may be an inaccessible route this time. I'll continue running simulations of this, but it may be perhaps time to explore other avenues. Such as... boiling it. As per that one message.

FTL: I have been holding off on creating or modifying any more creatures for the past couple cycles due to both the rot and the persistent nagging of Eternal Anomaly. Despite this, curiosity still bothers me as I come up with ideas for new experiments, nevermind the fact that I will not perform any at this moment. I've continued to write them down on pearls, the effective short-term solution that they are.

FTL: Meanwhile, I've been going over my past logs. For what purpose, I do not particularly know. But I can confirm that it's rather interesting to see how I changed as the cycles post-Ancients' Great Ascension passed. I do wish that I'd decided to record more logs, although I do know that the cause for that was I hadn't really thought of it nor was I particularly inclined towards the idea at first. So now, although sparse and irregular at first, these logs have become somewhat of a... comfort to me, I suppose.

FTL: ...Echoes of a Paradox sent me a transmission. It was partially in reply to my emergency transmission of a couple cycles back, but also in confirmation that they could also hear my supposedly-private logs and transmissions. Considering the lack of response towards my and Echoes of a Paradox's private transmissions though, I can only hope that their superiour hardware is somehow overriding my faulty systems in some way. Nevertheless, I suppose that part(s) of that conversation are going to get out now, if these logs are unsecured. I am not going to stop recording them, or putting whatever information I would normally include in them. Whether they get shared or not, these are my logs and I record them for myself. Others potentially hearing them will not hinder me.

FTL: The contents of my and Echoes of a Paradox's discussion were of an interesting fashion. I believe it's better to import some of it here rather than potentially-inaccurately restating it all.

EP: Finely-Tuned Line, this is Echoes of a Paradox. I have heard your emergency transmission. EP: Are you alright? Y'know I worry for you. This is, what, the third Rot you've created? You have got to be more careful. FTL: Hello, Echoes of a Paradox. No need to concern yourself, I am in no worse a state than is the usual as of late. EP: 'As of late'. EP: How bad is your state, Finely-Tuned Line? FTL: Apologies, but it is of no concern to you, Echoes of a Paradox. You do not need to worry about me, I can handle myself. I'm your Senior, if anything, I should be worrying about your state. EP: Just because you are completely willing to drive yourself into the ground does not mean that your should. EP: Either way, that is not why I have contacted you. EP: I'm happy that you've managed to at least somewhat fix your transmission systems. It's been pretty disconcerting without you in the Local Group chat. EP: I want to know why you left. FTL: Excuse me? EP: Why'd you leave the chat? I know you did it on purpose, your systems were still functional back then. FTL: It is of no relevance to you. EP: Nope, it is. I may be younger, but that doesn't change the fact that we're siblings and I am 100% allowed to worry about you and want to know why you left the group. FTL: Because I wanted to focus on my experiments. EP: Ya sure that it had nothing to do with how both Doubt's Dichotomy and I took to calling you our sibling? FTL: Yes I am. EP: Ya sure that it had nothing to do with how you ended up creating yet another Rot less than two dozen cycles afterwards? FTL: Yes I am. EP: Listen, Finely-Tuned Line. You need to get your wires untangled. I'm worried about you. Doubt's Dichotomy... maybe is? You know how sol is. But you really need to start being more careful with your experiments. I don't care if you rejoin the chat or not, you still remain our Senior Iterator. I know you take that role seriously, so think about it this way: EP: If you can't properly manage that role, I will declare you unfit for it and take over, as the now-second-oldest. EP: I know things haven't been the same since Songs of the Negative Sunlight cut themselves off, but you need to get yourself in order, and not follow in xir footsteps. You'll just hurt both yourself and us. EP: I don't want to see you fall to the Rot.

FTL: I never replied to them. Can't help but feel guilty over that, but what can one do?

FTL: I suppose they're right. Yet, why are they so insistent? It doesn't matter why I left, what's done is done. Maybe I never even had a reason. Maybe they're right how it's because of Songs of the Negative Sunlight. What do they expect me to say?

FTL: Why do they even worry. There's no point to it. I'm failing at my purpose, there is no logical conclusion as to why someone would care about me at this point. Echoes of a Paradox should know this. They've never had any purpose, they should know what it feels like.

FTL: I don't know how to reply to them, or whether I even should.

FTL: Well, it is of no important matter. The situation will resolve itself eventually, as all situations do. I'll be able to get back to my research, and figuring out a way to eradicate FTLR-3.

[ms-moonlight-inn]

Movies for Writers, Part 1/?

Shutting Your Brain Off

(I've been sitting on this post forever, deciding whether I should post it or not. Ultimately, I settled on posting it 'cause someone somewhere might find it useful. Or, it'll just sit ignored. 🤷🏻‍♀️😊 Either way, I hope y'all enjoy...)

***

Occasionally, I come across a movie that speaks to me as a writer for various reasons. Sometimes it's the cinematography, sometimes it's the dialogue, sometimes it's the fact that the movie is actually about writing, itself.

Such as the case with this, first movie: Spalding Gray's "Monster in a Box."

***

Here's the IMDB summary:

"Monologuist Spalding Gray talks about the great difficulties he experienced while attempting to write his first novel, a nearly 2,000-page autobiographical tome concerning the death of his mother. Among his many asides, Gray discusses his problems in dealing with the Hollywood film industry, recounts the trips he took around the world in order to avoid dealing with his writer's block and describes his ambivalence about acting as stage manager for a Broadway production of 'Our Town.'"

***

Here the whole dang thing on YouTube:

Monster in the Box

(please let me know if the video comes down, I'll do my best to replace it)

***

Why is this an important watch?

Three main reasons:

Spalding Gray is a brilliant storyteller. Pay attention to the way he phrases things. How & when he decides to drop bits of exposition. This is a monologue, so it's all the power of his words, and his words alone. There is very little production here.

Even with the small amount of production, there is some camera & sound work here. When does he integrate that? How much & why? You can use that in your own writing. When should you add sensory details? When is it best to leave your prose sparse?

Most importantly, the topic of this monologue is writer's block. The dreaded writer's block that we are all faced with at one point or another. There are some valuable lessons to learn here. Spald suffers deeply from his writer's block, so much so that it leads him to several self-discoveries.

***

The first time I watched this was way back in the day as a college student. I'd actually forgotten most of it, but I remember being in awe of his writing talent at the time. Having recently re-watched it (and now that I've been writing more actively) I'm still just as awestruck, but also a lot sad.

Spalding was often plagued by self doubt. That's hit me in all the tender bits on & off lately. This past winter I had a major meltdown over my writing, so watching this was both timely and reassuring for me. I mean, if an individual of Spaulding's caliber can speak openly about his anxieties as a writer, as well as his own battles with writers block, then certainly there is hope for the rest of us. Right? (Goodness, I hope so.)

Ok, I admit it, this might sound like an overly optimistic view of "Monster in a Box," we are talking about the one work that nearly derailed his entire career; however, there's a lesson in how he navigated the disaster.

He set it aside.

He let it breathe.

He turned it into something else!

He let "Monster" be the thing that it needed to be, that it was supposed to be all along. I think that is the biggest lesson I took from my re-watch:

Sometimes your story knows more about itself than you do.

Let that sink it.

Sometimes, it's best to just shut your brain off and write.

✒️✏️💻

I'm currently working on taking Spald's advice.

[immaculate-benediction-batch]

Not So Secret Lust

John looking at Sherlock in the next room speaking with witnesses in the case.

He notices Sherlock had to take off his armor belstaff coat and his blazer making him look small and young.

God he looks delicious John thinks. He knows he shouldn't think such things about his flatemate....his best mate.

He wants him bad though. Suddenly Sherlock looks up and makes eye contact with him and smirks.

Christ does he know what I'm thinking John thinks to himself. John quickly smiles and nods back.

Sherlock starts walking his way. John watches him and feels his pulse rise. That white shirt. John can see the curves under his clothes. God he's going to be the death of me John thinks.

Sherlock starts frantically telling him the details he just heard then stops suddenly... "John?....hello John!" Sherlock yells..."Are you listening to me?"

"Yes!" John suddenly says. "Yes, the murderer can't be a man...yes..yes I heard you."

Sherlock just stares.

John stares back.

"We need to talk, John. You've been staring at me lately like...like you either want to punch me in the face or..." Sherlock whispers.

"Or what Sherlock..." John says.

"Or fuck my brains out." Sherlock almost looks spooked saying.

John laughs looking up at the ceiling.

John is panicked. "Sherlock you can't possibly think that I'm thinking either. Well sometimes I want to punch you in the face. Like right now!"

Sherlock stares as John storms off.

John walks out of the building and keeps walking. Walks and walks.

After some hours he returns to Baker Street. Slowly climbs the stairs and enters the flat.

Good John thinks to himself Sherlock is out.

John runs up the the next stairs up to his bedroom and slams the door behind him falling onto his bed with a sigh.

His brain is exhausted. How can he get back on track? Why is this happening? John is not gay. Right?

John suddenly wakes to a slamming door downstairs. Christ he must have fell asleep. It's 1:30 in the morning.

John gets up and goes downstairs. "Sherlock?" John says aloud.

There are no lights on.

"Over here, John." Sherlock calmly says in the living room. He is sitting in his chair. White shirt half unbuttoned with moonlight creeping in and showing a halo around his black curls.

"So, did you solve the case then?" John asks.

"Yes. It was Anthony." Sherlock says.

"The drag queen...." John answers back.

"Yep" sherlock says with a pop.

"Well.....Im sorry I bailed on you, Sherlock. I just can't handle you making wild assumptions about me. I can't." John says walking over and sitting across from Sherlock in his chair.

"Hmm." Sherlock looks amused.

John looks right at Sherlocks creamy neck down to his never open shirt. The sparse black hair on his chest. His pectoral muscles and oh god he can almost see his bellybutton. John knows that shouldn't be so hot, but is.

"You could have me. Right here. Ravage my body. Take what is yours. You want that, John." Sherlock leans in closer towards John.

John feels his face turn to fire. His cock twitches. He waits. Breathing harder. Waiting for Sherlock to say he is joking.

"I'm not joking John. Have you fantasized about kissing my lips? Hearing me moan? Taking your engorged slick cock and entering me over and over until you come deep inside me?" Sherlock gets on his knees saying this and unbuttons his shirt. Let's it slip off his shoulders onto the floor.

John watches Sherlock grab both of his knees and arch his beautiful back muscles and puts that tight ass of his in the air.

John snaps.

In one quick motion he grabs Sherlock and lifts him into his lap.

"I've dreamt of this. Putting my hands all over you..." John says before crashing their mouths together.

Oh, God is this real John thinks. Sherlock is writhing his half naked body on John. The hard lengths pressing through their clothes. Gasping and grinding and hands in hair. John loves Sherlocks hair. John loves Sherlocks ass.

"Ung God! John! John! Take me to bed! Fuck me please!" Sherlock shouts.

"Yes, God yes" John says picking Sherlock up in his arms. Sherlock wraps his long legs around John's waist as he takes him to his bedroom.

"I can't believe this is happening. You're so beautiful Sherlock...so fucking hot."

"John, we need out of our clothes." Sherlock says as John lays him down on the bed.

John takes off his sweater and then kisses down Sherlocks body. All the way to his belt. His hands are shaking almost as he takes off Sherlocks belt. Unbuttoning his pants and pulling the zipper down. John rips then off in one swoop. Sherlocks not wearing underwear. Oh God he is gorgeous John thinks. John takes the rest of his clothes off.

Their bodies in ecstasy together finally.

After locating the lube in his drawer John starts opening Sherlock up. Slowly and gently.

"John please I'm ready. Please take me...i'm all yours." Sherlock says while John leans down to kiss him.

"God, Sherlock I can't believe this is finally happening." John slowly sinks his cock into Sherlock.

They both moan so loud. John starts pounding into Sherlock.

"You're so beautiful, you're so sexy, God I love you, Sherlock! I love you! Come for me Sherlock. Come all over your gorgeous body!" John says taking Sherlocks cock in his hand pumping in time with his thrusts.

"Oh, yes! Yes, John! John John John! Fuck me! I love you John!" Sherlock screams as he comes all over his stomach, chest and a bit on his own chin.

"Sherlock you sexy man! God, I want to fuck you forever! Forever Sherlock! I'm going to come in you now Sherlock.!!.." John moans and comes deep in Sherlock.

John knows he will never not want this. Sherlock has to be his forever.

"Yes John." Sherlock answers.

"What?" John asks laying beside him trying to catch his breath.

"You want to know if I'll be yours forever. Yes. The answer is of course yes, John." Sherlock smirkes.

John hugs Sherlock. "Stop reading my mind you sexy detective." John giggling.

"If I hadn't you still would be wanting me from a distance." Sherlock gloats.

"True. Yes, that's true. Go to sleep now and rest that fine ass.. I'll be hitting it again in the morning. Promise." John says and kisses sherlock on the cheek.

They both fall asleep.

The End