#but didnt want to move forward

[oetscop]

more random childhood neglect thoughts. within the last month ive been (re???) diagnosed with ocd and also crohns. i originally wasnt going to go through with an autism diagnosis because its damn near impossible when youre an adult and also (technically) a woman. and id have to seek out another specialist and i just. frankly dont want to do that lmao

but after talking with my pcp (who heard me talking abt ibs and was like thats absolutely not fucking ibs) shes like pretty convinced i have dyspraxia. which makes sense i mean i have adhd and im probably on the spectrum

but i never considered it. i didnt learn how to tie my shoes until i was like. 8. and its not even like..the normal way. and it always takes me a fucking long time. and i never thought anything of it. bc nobody fucking taught me how. everyone around me just KNEW. and i was keeping mine tied and just slipping my shoes on. literally a teacher taught me when i tied my shoes together one time and like was shocked that i didnt know how to fix it.

so like. who even knows. like what if thats something i wouldnt have struggled with if someone just told me how to do it? i dont fucking know.

the older i get the more resentful i am.

[jewreallythinkthat]

Something I really don't understand is this obsession the anti-Israel crowd (in the West) have with death and martyrdom. All they care about is dying, and often killing for their cause; I see nothing about building a better future that isn't based on the murder of 9 million Israelis.

It's easy to die for a cause. The challenge is living to make a better tomorrow.

[nibbelraz]

Ooh, if we're discussing wild sqh theories I'd like to add mine! The reason why we never find out sqh's real world name is bc it's shang qinghua. And not bc he named the character after himself, but bc he has always been sqh. In pidw he was doing what he the character was supposed to, in svsss he doing what he can to save his life. Why else would he be transmirgated all the way back to his birth? Bc sqh is sqh. Idk if this is making sense Lol

I just mean that there was no one for him to replace. It's not like with shen jiu who had a life and story. There was no "other" sqh. I guess like a self insert? Like "if I lived in this world I would do xyz to influence the plot"? That's why there's no body for him to steal. It was always himself.

I think I understand what you mean! That's actually a really cool theory, and I'm totally on board because that would be a really nice thought especially when it aligns with the fact that why did Shang Qinghua have to go through from birth and not Shen Yuan

It also makes me think of like how Shang Qinghua assumed he would be acting like how he would in PIDW and of course he had to switch gears to survive but it makes me think of like when you think of how yourself will act in a certain scenario but then you're in that scenario and you react TOTALLY DIFFERENT

I think he might've overestimated how he would act when when actually faced with some plot points in svsss and underestimated some other elements, which is pretty interesting to think about!

They are one and the same

[habeascorpseus]

"just dont lose yourself, okay?"

"i cant. i've tried to."

"Don't forget to enjoy this, today. Cuz if you lose yourself in trying to hurt the people who took it, you might....just don't forget the good stuff, okay?"

"i cant. i've tried."

godddd cellbits recurring motif of "i cant. ive tried." whenever someone tells him not to lose himself, both the bad and the good is so.. the implication of a perpetual fruitless spiral of turning man to monster and monster to man, and failing at both because loves too deeply and instinct is ingrained into him deeper than the carvings in his knife. he cant fucking stand himself. he can't stand how he can't be normal and has to rely on drinking copius amounts of coffee to stay awake enough to not lose it. he can't stand how even in the depths of his desire for vengeance, he hears the pain in his loved ones' voices and still stops to listen. these two parts of him have to be incongruous, because he knows he was happier when he was one without the other. and yet, time and time again the people who care about him tell him not to lose himself like they view him as whole. and again and again, he tells them that he can't. because he's tried to break himself in half and it doesnt fucking work like that. and he'll continue until he destroys himself because hes fucking Tired of being whole.

[alicenpai]

2021 re2 and re4 doodles i unearthed, 2020-2021 were the years of art block for me - i drew a lot, but not too many of my drawings felt quite right. anyways... sherry finally got that puppy (big puppy...) and parrot she always wanted! im a big fan of taking a single obscure piece of dialogue/game mechanic/inventory item etc and then drawing it

[swagstar]

dispencer talk

[good-beansdraws]

In echoes, witches are made by sacrificing someone to the Mad God, and one of the final bosses involves a character we've seen turned into a unique fire-elemental witch. Her fight is more sad than scary, since she's just a silent, soulless echo of the kind woman we saw before.

I really liked combining this idea with the witch-hunt vibes in Bring it On. In my fantasy au, Fuuta wrongfully leads his band of knights against a village girl, resulting in the townspeople burning her before all the facts were laid out. She was using magic, which is what Fuuta called her out for, but she wasn't using it for any malicious or witchy purposes. When she dies, the bit of magic in her flares up with her emotion and she returns as this type of fire spirit. As well as Fuuta's abstract haunting guilt, he now has a silent, destruction-bringing ghost haunting him each time he tries to run away from what he did.

[dangaer]

shi.n's amnesia later route is such an out of character experience bc wdym someone this cute shows me all the love they have for me and i dont healthily communicate with him that im feeling overwhelmed by it.

[yo9urt]

Pokémon Fushigi no Motherfucking Dungeon !!!!

(i would put a screenshot here but my deck couldn't upload them for some reason.)

thoughts & comments on pmd in japanese below (VERY LONG)

28 new flashcards!!

uncountable new words that i did not add for various reasons!!

observations:

blessedly, the game is so far not using a lot of formal language. the personality quiz did use formal language but the actual characters themselves are speaking very casually (i’m actually really excited to see how the npcs speak in the future, i want to see how they’re characterized via their speaking styles)

one thing that really interests me in japanese is the 2nd person pronoun system and how people (or characters) choose to refer to each other and this was super fun to watch for in the game. in the first chapter, i counted 1 use of あなた (only in the “what’s your name?” menu input), several uses of きみ (most of which occurred during the personality quiz, but some of which were used by the partner pokemon prior to learning MC’s name; every time, it was written in katakana), 1 or 2 uses of おまえ (used by zubat towards the partner), and i noticed that after learning MC’s name partner exclusively refers to them by their name and does not use any kind of suffix. my guess is that this is either 1. because they are not human / this is standard practice in the pokemon world or 2. hinting at the fact that they end up having a very close relationship and that partner trusts leader immediately. i’m half expecting wigglytuff and/or chatot to be referred to as 先生 or something like that so we’ll see in chapter 2!!

speaking of expectations, i had a couple going in: 1. that there would be a lot of onomatopoeias, because they seem to have a huge amount of use in creative writing, & 2. that i would see a lot of the little stylistic bits & bobs i’m already familiar with in japanese that tell you more about a character. both of these came true! i’ve already added some new onomatos to my flashcards AND i noticed some fun things about the characters:

male partner uses ぼく (sensible - it’s either that or おれ, and he is NOT an おれ character at all) (funnily enough and perhaps somewhat embarrassingly i did name the partner in this game majima and in hindsight i’m thinking wow they are literally not like each other at all but it’s ok i’m just choosing to ignore it i cba to redo the entire save anyway. plus i customized it so he's gastly and i'm clefairy which is already the cutest duo ever and i don't want to change that especially because i also had to give them custom stats and movesets so WHATEVER majima is just going to be different in this universe and he can handle that. also the partner is written very cutely and giving him that name made him even cuter to me so its no big deal really)

speaking of cutely i literally can’t explain this because i don’t remember it being the case in the english version but genuinely there is something REALLY endearing about how the partner talks in the japanese version. i guess thats another reminder that things really do get lost in translation like im sure the TL team did the best they could but english partner and japanese partner already feel different from each other and the latter is so cute, in a way it does feel like he has a fuller range of expression here

i think male MC also uses ぼく? i swear i remember a “ぼくじしん” in there but who knows

ぼく and ほんとう (spelled ほんと by the partner but ほんとう in MC’s thoughts) were almost entirely in katakana (i think ほんとう might have been hiragana), also for some reason なぞ (“riddle” or “enigma”) was in katakana too???? just for artistic flair, maybe? おまえ was as well but that makes sense

zubat and koffing (zubat in particular) both had a rougher, more masculine speaking style, which is exactly what i expected from them. lots of sentence-ending ぜ and ぞ (male partner uses さ from time to time, but not ぜ/ぞ), and they called partner 弱虫くん which made me so mad on his behalf! so rude!!!!!!!

other thoughts:

i was worried about the lack of kanji but honestly it’s not impeding my reading at all. a lot of the words are words that don’t need kanji, and if they are kanji-based words then they’re either ones i’ve never seen before (and i can just look them up online) OR they’re ones i can recognize by their reading/the context/just generally being familiar with them after seeing them a bunch in other places. i definitely feel like my intuition for like…word boundaries and that kind of thing has already gotten stronger and will probably improve from playing this game lol

HOLY FUCK, READING PRACTICE. you would not believe the amount of reading i did. when i got to beach cave (literal very first dungeon in the game) i sat in the menu for maybe at least half an hour just straight up muddling through the 700000 words the game was putting in front of me. some of them i looked up, some i grasped from context, some i gave up on (but the last category was pretty small)

i was reading the entire menu and i got to the “hints” section and it was so long that i just gave up. a treat for future me

speaking of context, playing a game i know by heart was ABSOLUTELY the right decision. i could largely figure out what moves my boys have without knowing what the names of the moves meant by reading the descriptions and going “hmm…ghost…physical…low power…this is astonish!!!!!” or “normal…no damage…always lands…YAWN!!!” etc.

i also think i’m playing this at the right stage of my learning. just beginner enough to heavily benefit from the mass exposure/immersion aspect of it, but learnéd enough to recognize a great deal of what’s put in front of me, and already knowing the game really well makes it SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (X1000000000) much easier to bridge the gap between what i do and don’t know. i got a tiny bit mentally exhausted from all the reading lol but it was soooooo worth it, most of my studying right now comes in the form of kanji/vocab + grammar/structure + listening to music so i’ve been sorely lacking in the “just straight up reading things normally” department and this game really fixes that up for me :)

keeping it real my speaking is definitely shit because i never practice (unless you count singing…) but i found myself reading out loud as i played to help figure things out and i do feel like i improved a tiny bit by the end. the partner pokemon in particular was really fun to read for because they gave him a fairly emotional/heart-on-his-sleeve speaking style (not dissimilar to the english version, but it feels much stronger here as previously noted) so i got to have fun reading his lines :P i definitely felt like i was hitting the consonants much better and keeping everything flowing well

im trying to upload screenshots but it wont work, so for personal recordkeeping: SENTENCES THAT I READ AND UNDERSTOOD ALL BY MYSELF AND AM REALLY PROUD OF

いちどきめたことはさいごまでやりとおす？ roughly = “once you’ve decided to do something, do you see it through to the end/do you stick with it?” (lit. “one time decided thing TOPIC end until carry through?”)

「はどう」とは　きみのからだがはっするみえないエネルギーのことだ roughly = “[aura] is the energy your body gives off” (lit. “[wave motion] QUOTE TOPIC you POSS body SUBJ emit energy NOM thing is”)

オレンのもをたベると　HPがかいふくするぞ！Xボタンでメニューをひらき　「どうぐ」コマンドからたべてみよう！ roughly = “if you eat an oran berry, your HP will restore! try eating it using the ‘item’ command after opening the menu with the X button!” (lit. “oren NOM/CLASS fruit OBJ eat.NP IF ‘HP’ SBJ restore do EMPHATIC! ‘X’ button MEANS menu OBJ open(NOUN) [tool] command from eat-and-see-VOL!”)

why is the tutorial using ぞ???

is it because i picked boy during the quiz? is it trying to be manly with me??? am i reading too deeply into this? (probably)

i was surprised to see 道具 here because i just recently learned it and i was like “tool? there’s no tools in this game…” but i could tell from its menu position that it was item/inventory so i was like, huh, interesting use of the word…

この　かけらが　はまる　ばしょを　いつか　はっけんしたい！ roughly = “someday, i want to discover the place that this fragment fits into!” (lit. “this fragment SBJ fit place OBJ someday discovery do-want!”)

i did have to look up はまる but i knew all the other words on my own!!!!

it was so fun seeing words i recognized especially higher level (higher relative to where i am, at least, i.e. more recently learned) kanji words like 場所 ＆ 発見。noticing them in kana felt kind of like seeing your friend at a costume party and knowing it’s them without them telling you or something lol and i always get so excited seeing vocab words i know in the wild!! it feels great to recognize them naturally like that :)

[cosmicrhetoric]

i don't know if fishman island era sanji is genuine flanderization or im somehow giving him too much and too little credit at the same time. and maybe i was just frustrated that he regressed so bad after two years on Gender Island when i erroneously assumed (after watching iva + co at impel down express that queerness is as close to the ultimate ideal of freedom that one piece is about as you can get) that he would be better for the experience. and i know im going to turn around on him by the time i get to whole cake island but literally brother can we cut this shit out lmao

[kerizaret]

Was talking with a friend abt the drawing and man sometimes I don't realise how much I overthink every single drawing

[k8felge]

nothing hurts more than seeing ur fave character depicted in an official au story or elseworld where details ab them r different but it explores the character in a new way -- its good in a vacuum, but u know it isn't the Definitive Version of that character. Just a new exploration (cool!). but because the adaptation brought in so many new fans and/or was a huge success it ends up being treated like its the Definitive Version and all discussions of prev versions are overshadowed bc of it... even worse when studios / execs see the success and try to pivot to this New Version only and never try to explore new routes for the character ever again (can you tell this is about comics yet)

[dallonwrites]

the first chapter of lover boy is really intense on an emotional level because So Many Things happen in quick succession it's like beau barely gets a chance to breathe and process it. meanwhile RR opening chapter is just felix and dorothy arguing in a laundromat.

[dewgongs]

ha

[strawbubbysugar]

I hope I’m not annoying ya with my little random asks, but I gotta say that I LOVE your characterizations of all the animatronics! The DCA boyos are delightful blorbos, DJ is absolutely adorable, and Freddy is so sweet!

And Monty? Wonderful boy. Chef’s kiss. Making me have exceedingly flustered thoughts. Why am I feeling like this when the jester boys are right there? 13/10

Can’t wait to see what Chica and Roxy are like!

Youre not annoying in the slightest!!! <3<3<3 I adore asks like these, they fuel me!! Im so glad you like it!! I try to keep them as close as possible to what I imagine canon to be, while at the same time letting them have the wiggle room of fanon- im so glad it comes across! Also hehe >:3c

[sxnctxxry]

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