#but dealing with children and seeing that its like. Not Hard to at least pretend. is so crazy.

[skunkes]

had to babysit nephews for 4 hours and at the end i had them saying Yay and Yippee and things of this nature

[meo-eiru]

I'm thinking a bit about Silas and a more artistic reader, and how he'd try keeping us entertained in the house.

Obviously, babies need some form of toys and play. But even in his worst babifying of us it's a touch difficult to ignore that we're past colorful letter blocks.

And it's increasingly obvious the lack of things to do is straight up bad for us, even excluding the increasing deranged fervor towards escape attempts.

(Did you know, that ripping your own hair out is a real action liable to be taken in stress, even if it's accidental tugging too hard? Silas may well find out, depending on our temper throughout. Boredom in the extreme is objectively stressful)

But there's only so much at the market that he isn't worried can be pointed at him, certain locks in the house, or even our-self. In increasing order of priority to not have happen.

Still, he's bringing things home. Trinkets mostly, some do-dads that can at least make interesting ticking noises or other responses. This is better than nothing, he reasons.

Recently there's a set of charcoals for drawing, and some loose paper. It wasn't for you though. Locked in a drawer behind one of the locks you're not supposed to get behind, to be fished out when a friend of a friends friend (provided the first 'friend' could be considered one) finally started seeing people after the baby.

There's some actual baby stuff in that drawer for it too, because goodness knows he's been so busy since you. Something that young, and small... No time for the parents, and he knows the parents are pretty artsy as hobbies.

He was really trying. Don't be envious (don't... don't... don't.), be nice, get something for the parents to be kind.

But they're keeping it close friends only for much longer, they'd decided.

Perfectly reasonable, there's a whole list of reasons they were ready to spew at him.

But being told "Go away" wasn't new, so the preparation to make him leave was deeply unnecessary. Even as he eyed who was being let though, people arguably less acquainted with them than he, it just wasn't new.

it was tempting to toss the whole lot through the kitchen window into the garden and deal with it the evening after, but you'd started up again and after a hasty slam on the kitchen counter it was forgotten.

The morning after there was no garden mess to clean, and he'd had plans for the weeks food shopping. it just wasn't important to think about and remove.

It's a nice day out, but as always its best to be fast to get back.

And then you're in the kitchen with the box contents strewn out.

A moment of processing. You got into the box, not for you. Does he punish? Such things do need to happen in raising children, but...

Well, it's not like the box was for anyone now, so worthless he'd' have tossed it through the window if not for a quirk in events. So no, you didn't ruin others things.

And you're quiet, you're relaxed. You haven't seen him yet as you're trying to get the lines down on a morning glory.

It's another moment before he backs up some and pretends he only just got in. Whatever your reaction is, he knows some paints are probably on the lookout list now... do you even like paints? Well, he'll find out. Eventually.

I loved it! Silas' struggles with motherhood are always a joy to read🥹🥹

[earthstellar]

love the canonical implication that Earthspark Bumblebee's current alt-mode is possibly just a mid life crisis sports car phase

I mean I'm in my 30s, I'm not shitting on him, it's relatable primarily because most of my friends are at least slightly younger than I am

the "Bee hanging out with the Terrans" vibe is very real

but I also like that we're seeing a slightly older version of Bee here. usually he's the youngest of the Autobots (in most TF shows, anyway), but here he's roughly equivalent to middle aged

The Terrans are the youngest, so we get to see a more mature Bee stepping up into a carer/educator role

Bee has never really been one of my favourite TF characters (which I mostly attribute to burn out caused by all the marketing which solely fixates on him lmao), but I like him in Earthspark for the most part!

He's still a little on the "still learning" side of things coming into his current role, but that's what allows for further character development, and we've already seen him build some good skills for dealing with/training the kiddo bots

IDK it's nice.

would be interesting if there's ever an episode where Alex and Dot are unavailable for a not-necessarily-bad reason (maybe one of them is accepting a professional award or something so both of them go together as a Nice Thing)

and suddenly Bumblebee is Parent of Many Sparklings (Plus Two Human Ones) for the weekend LMAO

how long until he gives in and calls someone for help? because that is a LOT of children

eventually he calls everyone but they're all busy, Arcee just laughs at him lol she's having Fun Battle Time with Elita-1 so neither of them can do it, finally Megatron shows up and instantly all the kids are like "yeah STORY TIME" and Bee gets a 10 min nap in until a perimeter alarm goes off or something (it was just a cow but now he is Stressed)

Optimus gradually shows up like ha ha! outdoors enrichment for the children is a great idea and Bee is just like "have you ever actually raised sparklings, you had troops but you don't have SPARKLINGS"

meanwhile in the background Hashtag is trying to explain the differences between various social media sites to Megatron, who is trying so hard to pretend like he cares, but is also busy trying to keep at least two of the others from putting their hands a little too deep in his transformation seams so they can climb on him (they just want to be Large)

idk I think a Single Parent Bee episode feat. Grandpa Megatron towards the end at one point would be fun, arguably they did this kind of vibe in the first half of S1 a bit already

but it would be interesting to see how Bumblebee would manage without any other adults for support for like a weekend in its entirety (save for maybe Megs at the end taking pity on him lmao)

there aren't many bots in what seems to be Bumblebee's general age range, except maybe Arcee but she gives the vibe of being a little older than he is, so real talk he'd probably feel a little more isolated and overtaxed than usual :(

but the kiddos would likely pick up on this and they could plot with Megs to try to do something nice for him!!! it would go poorly but that's OK!!!!

just thinkin' out loud

[emmatriarchy]

Scene from canon from Emma's perspective: tricking Cassandra Nova into Stuff's body.

The situation was dire - to say the least. Present at Westchester despite her better judgment, Emma watched from a safe distance the situation with Cassandra unfold. Her only concern were the girls. Her girls. Made from her ova without her knowledge, the five girls stirred something inside of the cold White Queen.

An instinct even the Hellions didn't manage to fully awaken in her. The seeds of her caring for the children was there from the moment she started teaching her dear Hellions, however they had been students and not her actual children. She felt similarly towards the students Sean and herself taught together.

The Cuckoos. She missed years of the girls' lives, and she intended to not miss another minute. The growing threat to the school was a headache she could do without.

When she was presented with Stuff - and scanned its primitive, wired for learning brain - a plan started to form in the darkest, deepest recesses of her mind. Could not risk the Mummudrai occupying the brain of Charles catching a stray thought from the highly guarded White Queen, so she locked the plan in the mental safe with her most protected memories.

A few stern words of warning to the girls (stay out of trouble, if I don't come back, do not come for me or any of the other teachers) and she set off to present Stuff to Cassandra's genetic material so it could take her shape, mimic her cells perfectly.

The safe of her mind got reinforced when she turned into her diamond form. She couldn't feel emotions but she should not be vulnerable to psychic attacks in this form. Furthermore, her diamond form was stronger than her flesh-and-bones form, and she could argue, if asked, that carrying a grown woman was easier without muscle fatigue. A likely excuse for her use of her secondary mutation.

Arguing with Cassandra, presenting her with honeyed lies that the parasite wanted to believe, and ultimately tricking her was easier than Emma anticipated.

People saw Emma through the lens of the past - even though she had started her uphill battle against her own selfish instincts years before right after the Hellions were annihilated by Fitzroy - and not through her actions of the present.

She expected that and played with it. Pretending to betray her new associates was easy when they already expected her to. It stung her ego and spat in the face of all her efforts, but she focused on the usefulness of Hank's reaction in selling her lies to the bald cunt.

Hopefully what came next would help the X-Men see beyond their own prejudices and biases. It would be the least they could do as people actively fighting against the prejudices mutantkind faced every day.

Cassandra's essence slipped into the body in her arm, and she sighed a breath of relief. A split second of vertigo, which Emma dismissed as a sign of the pressure and anxiety easing up (little did she know that Cassandra used that split second to implant fake memories of Genosha into her brain, the conniving cur) and she set the body of Stuff, now trapping Cassandra, down onto the first available surface.

Charles stepped on his own two legs - and Emma lost all interest in the situation. Her girls were safe. She protected the children. Diamond turned to flesh, and high, expensive heels clicked on the hard floors as she walked away. Let Jean and Charles deal with the aftermath, she did what she set out to do.

She didn't care if anyone called out after her. She was going to see her girls, and reassure them that the coast was now clear. The ghost of a smile floated on her lips - she may be mother material after all. If only she could find someone (Scott?) who would let her in, and make her want to settle. But those were idle thoughts better explored at a later time.

[confessions-official]

i’ve tried to start crocheting recently and i CANNOT do a chain stitch. i just can’t. i’ve looked up multiple different ways, i’ve tried each of them many times but my hands are just. Not doing it right??? i am actually on the verge of a meltdown because What the Fuck i have spent an HOUR trying to do an allegedly easy thing. specifically it’s the yarning over thats fucking everything up for me. i am trying so so hard but i am ass at anything to do with coordination and i would like to have another body please. i would like a refund on my flesh suit or at least my brain because it’s really amazingly shitty at working like it’s supposed to. i am genuinely considering staying home sick from school for the rest of the week so i can keep trying to make this goddamn motherfucking chain stitch.

and i can’t talk to anyone about this or anything coordination-related that i struggle with because they’ll say “its fine, practice makes perfect, nobody gets it on their first try” and its like. okay but YOU are not experiencing this. YOU do not have to deal with being disabled even though 1) your disability isn’t recognized as a disability even though it is extremely fucking disabling which sucks because 2) i am diagnosed with this, i was diagnosed with it at a young age i will be dealing with this for the rest of my fucking life it impacts literally every facet of everything which makes it more infuriating that 3) mostly people don’t fucking know what it is. which makes it very tiring whenever i talk about it because i have to preface the conversation with an explanation of what it is. and whenever i’m explaining this to someone as a reason for why i can’t do a thing or will do badly at a thing they’ll be like “ok well you shouldnt let that impact you so much, stop using it as an excuse” because 4) most people do not consider it a physical disability. they just don’t! which is. kind of wild to me. because like. yeah the disorder that makes everything involving coordination 100 times more difficult DO interfere with my daily life, actually. nobody gets that. it’s not that i’m clumsy, my legs just don’t work like they should. i can’t even run for longer than a couple seconds without needing to lay down for a couple minutes.

my body doesn’t work right. thats it. thats the whole thing. it doesnt work how it should and that’s fucked up every single part of my life. “dyspraxic children may be more vulnerable to bullying and social rejection” YEAH NO SHIT! even as a kid in PE classes i could see everybody else doing things that my body just wouldn’t. i tried for years but i am simply not built for that. and of fucking course thats going to get you othered, rejected and bullied, which if it happens enough times will fuck up your social skills for A While. i’m not trying to mope around about it because i understand that it’s not that bad a disorder, it is disabling but other disabilities are more disabling and i can mostly pretend i don’t need any accommodations. thats fine. i can do that. its just that the fucking chain stitch made me realize “oh, fuck. i know why my life is like this.” and maybe i am having a very strong reaction about not being able to do a chain stitch but i don’t know. it was the straw that broke the camel’s back, i guess. like, i can’t do any sports or most art, i don’t have any friends, i don’t go out and do things and i can’t even do a fucking chain stitch? i can’t even do that? i probably will end up getting it in a while but idk. i just want to crochet, man. i don’t know why this is so difficult for me. i wish i wasn’t like this. i wish i was better. like, just in general i want to be better. i’ve tried but i can’t. i just want a body and brain that work how they’re supposed to. i don’t see why i have to work twice as hard as everyone for the same results. i know nothing in life is fair but jesus christ this is ridiculous. i’m very “sad, down on his luck protagonist who gets sucked into a whirlwind adventure” coded. i am. going to start crying

.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

HA! GOTCHA! 3, 11 and 18

Ooo, good choices, these options are really going to necessitate some thought on definitions for me.

3- Childhood Sweethearts

Okay so for me the first question is, what counts as childhood? Did they have to have declared some type of romantic feelings for each other when they were kids? Do we consider any couple that came together in high school to be childhood sweethearts, because that’s normally how I see that terminology utilized in real life? Do we count childhood sweethearts to be people in adult relationships where we find out later that they met as children (lol, no.)

I regret to inform you that I might just have to give this to

Cutie Pie

I am thinking about the shows I have seen where the couples met as kids but are adults now, and there really aren’t that many. I won’t consider high school BLs in the childhood sweethearts category because I am a happy for now kind of person and getting together in high school does not equate to being together forever. That leaves me only a handful: I Can’t Reach You, My Only 12%, Bad Buddy, I Told Sunset About You, and Cutie Pie that really give me an established childhood relationship and then some level of time skip to an older period in their lives. Of that list I feel like I Can’t Reach You and My Only 12% are much more in the friends to lovers camp, ITSAY is a friends to enemies to lovers kind of deal, and Bad Buddy is it’s own special brand of enemies to lovers. And in all of those cases there is one character that is aware of their feelings for much longer than the other. 

So it is Cutie Pie for me because Lian and Kuea both loved each other their entire lives. They’ve been engaged since they were children, and even though Kuea is constantly searching for where he left his last brain cell and that gets in the way of him seeing how much Lian loves him, it cannot be denied from an outsider perspective that those two have been in love their entire lives. And honestly, I don’t think Yi and KonDiao are any different in that regard. The love for both couples has existed forever, the tops just have to learn to use their words. 

11- Forbidden Love

If I were to go obvious for the Forbidden Love trope, the answer would be Bad Buddy absolutely no contest, but I AM GONNA GO NONTRADITIONAL HERE MUAHAHAHA

He’s Coming to Me

He’s Coming to Me is one of the strongest BLs I’ve seen. It makes me sad to no end that this show gets so little attention and that its distribution got fucked with because I think everyone who hasn’t seen this show should watch it and everyone who has seen this show should watch it again. I consider this a (non-traditional) forbidden love because by all accounts it should not happen. Med is dead and Thun is alive, and they spend the entirety of the show trying to help Med move on, and for most of the show Med and Thun literally cannot touch. I consider He’s Coming to Me a subversion of the standard forbidden love trope because of how incredibly queer I consider the show to be. Thun spends years hiding his powers, pretending that he can’t see Med, pretending to be normal for years, until one day he has had enough. But once he stops giving a shit, once he starts interacting with Med in public? I cannot for the life of me get the image of all those other people’s face out of my head. I think probably too often about that scene where everyone is looking at Thun with the utmost judgment and I just can’t think about it as anything other than two people who are not supposed to be together, choosing to be together anyway, for however long they can, until reality catches up to them.   

18- Slow Burn

Hmmmm. This is hard because I feel like all of the BLs I’ve seen are too short for a real slow burn. So for the sake of this game, I am considering my slow burn to be whatever show drove me fucking crazy yelling at the screen and wanting at least one character to get their fucking shit together. So I am giving it to 

I Told Sunset About You

This would probably constitute as a non-traditional option as well, but holy fucking shit the way I needed Teh to figure his shit out, stop being a coward, and just commit. My favorite type of slow burn is the one where the characters are generally aware of what is going on but they have to fight with themselves to get to the end goal. I think that has a tendency to play better than some late in the game romantic realization. The tension that keeps building and building and building only to shatter right before its crescendo is really what does me in. Oh has known he has feeling for Teh for fucking ever and Teh wakes up decently early to the fact that he has feelings for Oh, but then it is still like pulling fucking teeth, while walking through fucking molasses, to get to the finish line where Teh finally asks Oh to be his boyfriend. This show is such a slow burn for me personally that not even the little admission of Teh’s feelings in the hammock, nor the kiss in episode 4 is enough for me to feel like we have reached the end of the slow burn. I think it is my favorite slow burn because where normally an admission or a kiss from the more hesitant person would mark the end of the burn, Teh saying he has feelings for Oh, Teh rubbing up on Oh in episode 3, Teh making out with Oh in episode four, none of those feel like the resolution point in their quest to get together.

BL Romance Trope Ask Game

[vixen525noms]

Defying Certain Death Part 18

Copied from my DeviantArt account, a non-sexual G/T vore story featuring adults along the lines of the lion and the thorn fable. There will be tons of hurt/comfort aspects, lots of safe vore. That is the primary focus in this.

Barrett is an adult giant standing 85ft tall and Hope is an adult human at 5ft 6. Barrett does not eat children at any point.

Warnings: Unwilling Prey; Fatal Mention; Characters in Distress

Future: While this part is relatively tame, future and previous parts include fatal vore and violence. Barrett, the giant, is not a good guy, so will be doing some occasional bad things.

Editor: @vore-scientist

Picture | First | Previous

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Barrett sat with Hope on his chest, his hand over her. He was glad he got a tent and cot while staying here... but going back to the Syor town to his house for more money was going to be a necessity soon. They would not treat Hope well. First assumption would be that she was a minion, one who helps trick small folks into the waiting jaws of hungry Syor. But Hope did not have the personality of one, and he didn’t think she could pretend to be one. She would be too nervous. But he couldn’t leave her here. She’d be too vulnerable. Thinking of how to deal with this was hard. Maybe he’d think better if there was something in his belly.

“Mmm... you felt really good in my belly when I was freed from the rocks. And the protection spell did work when I used it.” He felt the human resting on his chest jolt slightly. His ear flicked. “As I’ve said before, I’d never hurt you. You saved my life and were very nice to me. You have no reason to be afraid. I would only swallow you with protection magic.” He heard her say something, but it was very soft. Barrett picked her up from his chest, holding her near his face, “I didn’t hear that. Speak up.” Hope shuddered, but spoke a bit louder, “I... saw you kill my father... that same way... it is... terrifying. Can’t I just lay on your chest again? That’s not nearly as scary...” “Protection spell means you are safe and don’t need to be scared. I’ll even say the spell first.” He speaks the protection spell, grinning as he feels a bit of his own magic weave into her. “There!” And he immediately puts her in his mouth.

Barrett purred as she squirmed on his tongue, enjoying the feel and taste. She tasted a little different from most humans he encountered... He had seen her growing plants, was it because of that? Maybe he would have to see if he could catch farming humans at some point to compare the taste. Whatever it was, he liked it. He savored her flavor, even when she stopped squirming and curled up. It was unfortunate she stopped squirming so quickly. He enjoyed a bit of struggle. With another deep purr he swallowed the little morsel, resting a hand over his belly, “You are tasty, little one. I’m so glad I know that spell to keep you nice and safe in there... Hey! That gives me an idea! In there you are safe! Which means if I went to the Syor town for more of my money, none of them could touch you!”

-----

Hope gave up trying to get him to open his mouth pretty quickly. What was the point? She was helpless whether in his grasp, in his jaws, or even left at the campsite. Regardless, she had no energy too. Perhaps she was putting too much into maintaining some of those rarer plants she was desperately trying to keep alive. She suspected her hope of someday establishing at least a small garden again was foolish. Perhaps it should be just the tree she maintained. She almost felt like crying when she thought of it. Her pride and joy, reduced from its previous massive size to a mere sapling so she could safely take it with her. Her eyes felt warm, puffy... had she shed tears, or was she just fighting them? How could she even pretend she could restore it... surely it would be impossible so long as she remained prisoner to this terrifying giant.

Oh gosh that loud noise beneath her never stopped. She had heard him growl at times, but this wasn’t quite the same... But what else could it be? This line of thinking was distracting her from where she was so her mind latched onto it in a desperate bid to forget what was currently happening.

What did she know about giants... Before a couple months ago, she had never even seen a Syor before, only Syorian, friendly giants, the ones who regularly visited her farm back when it still existed. They paid well to get her quality potions. As with anyone, she was aware of Syor, no human, nemeran, or other small folk that she knew of hadn’t heard of their existence; everyone knew the stories of the terrible man-eating monsters. However, she lived far enough into the country of Naterhu, what many call the human country, that Syor never reached that area. At times they felt like a bedtime story meant to keep kids from venturing too far. She never expected things to go so wrong! And now it felt like she was being punished for believing no living thing should suffer such a miserable end as being trapped to slowly starve.

Hope tensed as the tongue moved beneath her, toying with her as the giant savored her taste. She curled up tight, trying to ignore the feel of the warm, wet tongue rolling over her. She needed to focus on something else. Plants. Think about her plants. Think about her tree. That was a nice thought. The only plant mage to successfully raise one away from the arctic... She wanted to hear it speak to her. It would be so much more comforting. She reached out with her magic... but nothing. It was still too weak while in this restricted form. But in her desperation she tried again, and again.

Oh no no no no.... she can’t ignore it. She can’t focus on better thoughts. The giant licking and tasting her. The monster is savoring her like one of those honey candies she made for local kids...

That rumble still seemed to vibrate through her very bones... it never ceased! At least it seemed to die down some when she stopped moving. Then... A change... A different movement. Fuck! She had been so focused on what was happening she hadn’t thought about what comes next! But... What was the point of protesting? Of resisting? She knew she was helpless. Completely helpless. And she closed her eyes as the muscles pulled her down to the same place that had no doubt killed many others. That HAD killed her father.

Hitting the bottom was soft, and she felt no pain or discomfort from it or the fluids. Yet  it was still so terrifying. For a long while she didn’t even move. Try as she might she could not shut out the deep rumble of that sound. It was all around her. She could hear that loud, terrifying voice. Between  that and the deep rumble... as well as own stress she could only make out occasional words. She was sure she heard him say the word ‘tasty’, which she more or less expected... and something about an idea... that couldn’t be good. Most of his ideas seemed to be about hunting.

Maybe she should pay closer attention... but as she thought that, all the noises paused.... and he started moving. Oh no... Would she end up watching a deer bitten in half slowly dissolve? What if he wanted to just keep her in here indefinitely? That would be even worse! Surely the spell wouldn’t last forever! What if he fell asleep and it wore off? What if he kept renewing the spell until she died of dehydration or starvation? Wait, he’s talking again... She needed to listen... but that rumbling sound was so loud! She couldn’t understand! Something about... clothes? Had he seen a trader he was going to kill to get her more supplies from? That would be so much worse than a deer. She wished she had some idea what was going on... but she was alone with her thoughts and barely understandable speech from the great monster keeping her prisoner.

Picture | First | Previous

[keicordelle]

The Daily Inconveniences of an Au Ra: Recognizability

Being an Au Ra in Eorzea meant that, by definition, he had no anonymity. Oh, people feigned not recognizing him sometimes, offering him half-hearted comments like, "You don't look like you're from around here," or "Do you happen to know anyone who might be strong enough to...". But, as he'd encountered only a handful of other Au Ra in his time in Eorzea, and most of them living as discretely as possible, he really doubted that anyone on the continent hadn't heard his description. "Seven fulms tall with horns and a tail" was rather hard to miss, he judged, no matter the polite games strangers played.

Sometimes it worked to his advantage. He hadn't had to pay for an ale in many moons, and he was pretty well guaranteed work any time he needed it just by showing up somewhere. But most of the time... Most of the time his uniqueness was a burden.

Most problematic as an adventurer was that it made espionage and subtlety absolutely impossible. He couldn't blend in with a crowd if his life depended on it - and occasionally it did. Any enemies could pick him out a mile away, and forget trying to surreptitiously inquire about anything. No one was likely to forget that a giant lizard had come to ask about their boss's comings and goings, and it wasn't like he could pretend to be an inhabitant of any city on this continent. He could maybe have gotten away with it back in Othard, where at least Au Ra were relatively common, so long as no one thought too hard about the fact that his horns were black, not white.

At least it let him pretend that people were afraid of his reputation and not his alien appearance when they shrank from him at first meeting. The wide-eyed stares and pointing fingers of children in the streets were obviously because he was a great adventurer and not just because he was big and pointy and scaled. No matter that after years of relative isolation on the Steppe, several of the other races were equally unusual to him (what even was the deal with Miqo'te? Why did their tails have fur, but nowhere else on their bodies seemed to? And Viera, who had the ears of a rabbit but no other shared traits that he could see. Did they have little cottontails tucked into their pants?). At the very least, it made him far more willing to work with the so-called 'beast tribes' than any Eorzean he'd ever met. So what if they looked and acted a little different? Everything over here was bizarre anyway, and most would say the same about him. The main difference between Xaela and Amalj'aa that he could see what's the number of scales on their bodies - and that the latter had an even worse time blending in than he did. At least his stature was still within the realm of reasonability in a land where Roegadyn also flourished.

"Keshet?"

The sound of his name in the middle of a bustling street in Ul'dah should not have surprised him, but he still jumped. Sighing, he tugged off the hood that he'd pulled down over his face in an attempt to achieve anonymity and twisted to face the white haired Elezen who'd called out to him. "Hello Alphinaud."

The boy took in the cloak that covered his usual outfit and the tail Keshet had tucked under its folds and winced apologetically. "My apologies, were you attempting to disguise yourself?"

"Attempting and failing, it would seem," he responded wryly.

Alphinaud offered him a sympathetic smile. "Your horns leave quite an imprint against the hood, and the base of your tail juts out against the fabric. And I'm sorry to say that even without any of that, your gait will always give you away to those who are familiar with you." He cocked his head. "Why were you trying to hide your identity anyway?"

Cheeks heating, Keshet looked away. "I didn't want to be recognized while standing in line for the release of the new Wind-Up Scions toys," he mumbled. "I'm still missing Urianger."

Alphinaud coughed to cover the bark of laughter the admission elicited. "You- Ah. That is. Understandable. However, I think your disguise unlikely to succeed."

Taking a deep breath, Keshet rolled his shoulders and stripped off the cloak. "Then if I cannot hide, I shall simply have to be so unabashedly confident that none would think to question my presence." Ah well. In truth, hiding and subterfuge never became him anyway. And maybe his reputation would be enough to let him skip the line and finish off his collection.

Read the rest of the series on Ao3!

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[starsbegantofall]

I see complaints that Barbie wasn't a great feminist movie and they're right. Barbie is instead a movie about a doll's relation to the meaning of being human. To go into the movie expecting a call to action for feminism meant you did not watch the trailers. Or the movie lol

This is actually my tweet (or... xeet), but I kinda wanted to expand on it here instead of on... xitter...

The reason being, Barbie is imperfect as a feminist movie. Its female empowerment message is brief, not very clear or logical or offering any real solutions that could work in the real world, and treating a serious subject so lightheartedly isn't effective or sensitive. What Barbie is about, from the trailer and from the very first scene, is a doll that represents to girls all of the exciting possibilities of their future.

Feminism follows behind Barbie, because Barbie is marketed to be an independent adult and not a baby to be taken care of, and Ken is an afterthought, and Barbie doesn't have kids, although she does take care of her sisters and other kids. But feminism isn't what Barbie is solely about and definitely not what the movie is solely about.

Cut below for vague spoilers

Barbie the movie is about how a doll experiences the sorrows and joys of humanity for the first time and how they deal with the question of identity, and to a lesser extent, how humans are able to rediscover themselves through the world of dolls and play pretend. Barbie represents imagination and dreams and possibilities to a girl (child), but once a girl (child) grows up and has a job and family and relationships and responsibilities, what happens to those dreams? Can dreams and reality coexist? Barbie doesn't want to change or become human, but she decides to enter reality anyway because the dream world isn't enough to contain the humanity she gained; is that what adolescence is about? Ken and CEO Will Ferrell represent the patriarchy's toxicity to uhh America Ferrera's character and her daughter, but even there, there is more to Ken and the humans- finding out what they really want to do in life, defining their relationship to others, forging a new identity, learning from past mistakes, being honest with their feelings and expressing them.

As a movie about a toy, an unwilling Pinocchio, a combination of Woody and Buzz Lightyear, that movie about androids, it's a very relatable story that speaks to girls and women much more than Pinocchio or Woody or Buzz Lightyear or creepy android children could. There are real questions and dilemmas within the humor and parody, and the conclusion is as honest and uncertain as real life is. As any other type of movie... it would require like another hour of exposition to hold up to scrutiny, and my bladder is not that strong. That's what I meant when I said the bad parts of the movie come back around as good. The silliness of the characters' actions, doll and human, the self-awareness that the writers have that this is a very nonsense plot, somehow makes the movie more relatable, at least to me. I think if they tried to overexplain or make the moral of the story extra clear and super serious, it would feel try-hard and preachy and take away from the production and acting and the essence of Barbie.

[lewdestconcubine]

The Szayel Compendium (Part 7 - Relationships)

RELATIONSHIPS.

FAMILY: [Who, if anyone, does the character consider their family? Are these blood relatives? And do they have a good relationship with their family?]

Szayel has one fraternal twin brother, Yylfordt, who as a hollow, he has a complicated relationship with.  He very much loves him, but he resents that he spends his time with someone else, and that he’s essentially the physical manifestation of all of the ‘weaknesses’ and ‘impurities’ that he pulled out of himself.  He’s not sure what to do about it sometimes, and after Yyl’s death, sometimes things get complicated.  Verse dependent he sometimes will have a partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife and/or children.  Those relationships are things that sustain him when they happen.

FRIENDSHIPS: [Do they have lots of friends, or just one or two close friends? What do they look for in a friend?] Szayel has lots of acquaintances.  There are a couple of hollows he considers his friends, and of course in RP, he has plenty of verses where he counts different muses as friends.  But canonically he suffers deeply from isolation and loneliness and does rather desperate things to change that fact, through much of it doesn’t work and isolates him further.

FRIENDS IN NEED: [How do they help a friend who is going through hard times? Do they offer advice and support, or do they feel uncomfortable, not knowing what to say?] It’s best to explain things in a way that Szayel can ‘solve’.  If he can invent something. give you a medicine or a treatment, share his knowledge, etc., he is more than willing to help a friend.  If you need to vent, its best to tell him so, and he’ll listen and support, and if it would make his friend more comfortable, or if they want a distraction, he’s more than happy to share himself physically, whether just by giving affection or by doing something sexual/sensual.  But sometimes, he just doesn’t really get what’s needed from him, so if you don’t spell things out and just expect him to be sensitive to your problems…you may end up not liking what he does.  It’s best to explain to Szayel how he can help, otherwise there may be some wild misunderstandings.

NEEDING A FRIEND: [Do they tend to go to friends when they need help and support? Or do they deal with their problems on their own? Do their friends ever worry about them?] Canonically Szayel will generally withdraw and become more paranoid or hostile.  But, in different verses, if you connect with him well enough, he’ll come by for reassurance, whether its nice words, a hug, some good food, or just being acknowledged.  If you’re the type of ‘friend’ he tends to prefer, if you can fuck him well enough that he forgets feeling terrible, it’s a bonus, and you will likely see him often.  He is not at all subtle about this, smh.

ANNOYANCES: [How do they deal with arguments and disagreements with friends or partner?] He tends to fall apart.  Finding a companion is something he stresses over.  If there’s a rift forming for any reason, he doesn’t take it well, will isolate, and just continue down an unhealthy path until he’s either asked to stop, or forced to.  Szayel is rather fragile at heart, even if he pretends that this isn’t so.

ROMANCE: [If applicable: how do they woo a potential partner? What do they look for in a potential partner?] Szayel is demiromantic, and thus really only develops romantic desires towards friends that he has, that he’s also already pursued a sexual relationship with to some degree, or at least has been able to feel physical chemistry with as far as things like..you smell good to him, your touch is comforting to him, and your presence is settling.  He looks for those who can handle his mood lability and who have a complimentary type of strength both physically and/or mentally.  As he’s essentially pan, this could be a person of any gender.

MARITAL PROBLEMS: [How do they deal with problems in their love life? Do they talk it through with their partner? Or do they bury their head in the sand?] Szayel tends to ignore problems in his relationships when he feels that everything for the most part is going well.  He’d rather swallow his own issues or secretly try and fix himself.  He’s conflict avoidant when it comes to things in his private life.  He’s terrified of being alone and will actually take very large amounts of abuse for the sake of not losing a partner.  Unless his partner can pick up on the fact that he’s unhappy and change their approaches to the problems without saying anything…you’re going to have to back Szayel into a corner to even acknowledge that there’s something wrong I the first place.  He tends to self harm and disassociate rather than tell a partner that there’s a problem, as he figures that just as anything that’s mind over matter, if he continuously works to accept a lie, eventually it will be true. 

ADVERSARIES: [What would turn them off a friendship or romance?] Being ignored.  Trying to force other ideologies on him.  Treating him as something below you, when it’s not consensual degradation.

ENEMIES: [What would make them hate someone enough to call them an enemy?] Actively working to undermine him and his accomplishments.  Otherwise, an ‘enemy’ is just the person on the other side of the fight he’s been made to fight because he’s in an army.

STRANGERS: [Do they tend to be respectful to strangers, or are they careless towards anyone who they don’t consider a friend?] Szayel tries to be courteous to those he first meets as he’d rather make a good first impression.  But he will not lie about the fact that he won’t necessarily stick his neck out for you unless you’ve shown him that you can be trusted to have his support.

FUN STUFF: [What kind of things do they like doing with a friend?] Szayel’s very much adventure and pleasure minded.  He likes experiencing fine things like art and music and good food.  He likes dressing people up and making things for them.  He enjoys traveling to unfamiliar places with a familiar person by his side.  And of course anything of a uhhh..physical nature. Szayel loves getting to know someone in the biblical sense...as merger of mind, soul, and body is deeply intertwined with the alchemical symbolism tied up in his character.

DATING: [What kind of things to they like doing with a romantic partner?] Everything listed above.  His friendships often don’t look al that different from his romances.  Sometimes there’s just as much sex.  XD  But in romance you can actually get him to more or less commit to you, and he’s unafraid to plan a future life.  Szayel has a weird purity of connection to him that makes it kind of hard to split hairs between friendship and romance, and often he’ll put a label on it to make the other person feel better.  But that’s not to say that it’s less passionate.  It just means that you have the right to tell him what makes you comfortable in his behaviors, like if you don’t approve of him being openly sexual towards good friends.  He’ll never stop dropping innuendos or flirting however, he’s not really capable of it.  Just tell him where boundaries lie.

BEST FRIEND: [If applicable - who do they consider their best friend?] This is very verse dependent.  Canonically, he’s not really shown to have very close bonds with people.

LOVE: [If applicable - who do they consider to be the love of their life?] This too is very verse dependent.  He clearly lusts over others, but that’s not the same thing. But he does form ships easily if approached the right way.

WORST ENEMY: [If applicable - who do they consider to be their worst enemy?] Canoically, he considers shinigami as the enemy, who are essentially carrying out genocide.  He also sometimes has conflicts with Aizen and with the other Espada.  He fights with Renji and Uryuu, and of course dies by Mayuri’s hand…but they’re more or less opponents, rather than enemies, if that makes sense.  After all, he’s a soldier in a war.  He doesn’t really get how certain characters were introduced to him, so depending on different AU concepts…I feel that he may be incredibly open to meeting some characters, given that they have things in common, but were forced to be on different sides because of the world they live in, rather than any conscious choice.

RESPECT: [Do they respect their enemies, even if they don’t like them? Is there anyone they disrespect? Why?] Sometimes?  I mean, for Szayel, he views it as a great honor for him to be interested in you enough to study you, experiment on you, fight you, or command his attention in any way.  To flat out ignore someone is to disrespect them, as he feels deeply disrespected when ignored.  So, take this as you will.  He’s not exactly normal, nor was his canonical ultimate opponent. 

[hungerun]

under the cut is my hc abt the maw (plus, six’s backstory bc its kinda intertwined), the signal tower, and how both of them function. along with what kinda world would create both of them in the first place.

(the maw, ft six’s backstory)

>six’s mother was the lady of the maw, and her father was a visitor who had been just ‘passing through’, but ended up staying a lot longer then intended. what he didn’t realize, was the fate he doomed his daughter with that decision. >there was a familial curse that clung to the fujioka bloodline, the side effects of a deal taken god knows how many years ago. an exchange of power, for sustenance. the lady got powerful dark magic, and the entity that was now attached to her acted much like a parasite, being passed from host to host.

>the maw was, originally, created with good intentions. it’s hard to believe now, but. once upon a time, it was supposed to be a sort of safehouse, protecting people from the confusing world outside, among other things. >but, even it eventually succumbed to greed, and fell into the state of disrepair we know it to be today, cannibalism and death now rampant. >problem children and attempted runaways are turned to nomes by the lady’s dark magic, and are then left to try and keep the dying ship running. >the lady of the maw’s first born child with always fall ill soon after birth, the most concerning of the symptoms? a growing hunger. it’ll start out subtle, and then become uncomfortable, but bearable. it only gets worse from there. eventually, it’ll be so overwhelming, the child has no choice but to lunge out!– >they then become the next ruler of the maw, taking their parents place, and the cycle continues. the beast is settled for now, but it’ll want to feed again, eventually.

>the visitor was kept in the dark of this inevitably, of course. that is, until he heard the strangely dark lullaby his new wife lulled their child to sleep with from the next room. it was a bit too detailed, a bit too… real, maybe? soon, he came to wish that wasn’t the case. >though the visitor was to quick to placate his wife, soothing her fears of him ‘getting in the way of fate’. he, of course, was already making a plan to get himself, and their kid, out of the situation. though he still loved the lady, or loved at least what he thought he knew, he wouldn’t, couldn’t, put his daughter through all of that.

>on the same day, every year, the maw resurfaces for a short period, boats from near and far come bellowing with the hungry chants of the guests eager to get aboard. the visitor simply kept his head down, blending into the noisy sea of flesh, he managed to slip onto one of the visiting ships, and hitches a ride back to the mainlands, with his now almost year old daughter in tow. >he settled down, finding himself a job as a lighthouse keeper. when running from something that stalks the seas, most people would assume the smartest course of action would be to move somewhere inland. runaway as far as possible, forget the smell of the ocean breeze all together, but… >he just thought that maybe, maybe, with the lighthouse, he could see fate when it came for them. that wasn’t the case, unfortunately.

(the mainlands/the tower)

>the tower’s general purpose is to keep it’s citizens in a happy, totally unaware state, allowing the ‘worldly horrors’, (the north wind, the man in the mirror, etc etc), to feed off their hope. which in turn, makes them leave the quote unquote, 'more important people’ alone. (these being people like the pretender, the hunter, the teacher, the doctor, etc etc.)

>the signal itself is powered by children’s dreams, hence it’s effect, as it plays off adult’s nostalgia and ache for their past. simpler times, y'know? to get these dreams, normal children are kidnapped from their homes, being replaced with a doll-child. their parents are usually so out of it, they can’t tell the difference. >these doll-children are created and educated at the schoolhouse by it’s strict teacher. it was a normal school at some point, but that’s not the case anymore. >once the children have been captured, they are brought to the tower, and put to sleep. any dreams they have are stolen from them, which leaves them with only a enteral nightmare. they don’t age once asleep, some of those kids have been trapped for many, many, many years. >the only person able to free them and wake them from their slumber is mono/the thinman himself, bc he’s able to see the what’s left behind of those kids, the static phantoms that silently haunt the airwaves.

>there’s an even more unfortune side effect to all this. the signal is made up of mostly good dreams, of course, but. those nightmares? they affect it too, albeit more subtly, and slow. they’ve been leaking into reality itself, distorting the world and its inhabitants, more and more. adults tower over children with horrifying faces, terrible things lurk in the dark and under the bed, and they’re left to defend for themselves. and, the 'important people’ either aren’t paying attention, or. if they do see it, but they just don’t care. >as for the thinman himself, he acts as a sort of 'ghost in the machine’, simply pulling the strings from behind the scenes. he’s apart of the signal itself, that is, until someone with a similar gift, can reach and free him, like mono unknowingly does in-game. this cycle is similar to the lady’s, as once defeated, the child is destined to become the new thin-man, so forth so on.

[cmlmrbl]

angsty pevencest hc

this is right after they come back in the first movie, just bc that's gotta be the most harrowing and difficult transition to deal with imo, so all the better for angst!

i'm working off the idea that peter was 13, susan was 12, edmund was 10, and lucy was 8 in the first movie.

so they get a bit of time on the throne to learn the ropes and strengthen narnia after the 100 year winter, but sometime after peter's 14th bday there's betrothal offers and dowries presented from neighbouring lands, just because he is the high king and its seen as more auspicious to get in sooner rather than later. ofc the pevensies are all scandalised, susan and lucy think he's definitely too young to be wed, but edmund has now become familiar with the laws and customs and knew this was coming.

still, for a while they're able to avoid it by peter just not accepting the betrothals, seeing as they've only ruled for a year at this point anyway.

when susan turns 14 tho, there are double the amount of betrothal offers and it only gets more and more worrisome the older they get. by the time she's 16 it's pretty much unavoidable, and even the animals advise that she get married, if not to stop the influx at least.

ofc at this point I'd like to believe her and peter have discovered their feelings for each other, so to make things easier (and to celebrate their love ofc) they have a grand wedding.

the same thing happens when ed turns 14 but he's seen what happened to his older siblings and he's decided on himself already.

edmund turns down all marriage proposals, saying he's still waiting for his queen.

and when lucy turns 14 too, they tie the knot!

this means when the four of them are expelled from the wardrobe and returned to England at the end, it's much worse than just losing their thrones. for at least a decade, they've all been married to each other. and that's not easy to forget.

when they get back to the professor's it's clear to everyone that the pevensies have changed. where before it was peter and susan clearly being the older children, with little infighting between them, now there's definitely more arguing and petty gripes.

they had children in narnia, and they had always been a team in raising them, but now they both feel they've failed their children and each other in losing them.

susan can't take it, she just wants to forget everything like it was some horrible dream - but peter can't let her, and so they fight.

he'll do something like tell edmund and lucy not to forget their greens at the dinner table and susan will get whiplash from the reminder of how he used to remind their actual children the same thing.

she'll get so angry with him and she'll remind him they're not his children but when night comes, she still finds herself going to his bed because they never slept a night away from each other for a decade.

when they get back to london and go to school peter has to grit his teeth every time some new boy chats up his sister because he's not her husband anymore and he has no right to feel jealous.

but when girls show interest in him, he coldly rejects them as well, for he could never consider anyone but his queen.

susan sees all this but pretends not to, she wants to move on and she wants peter to as well. she doesn't see how they could be happy with each other in this judgemental world, so she'll settle for being unhappy if it means peter won't have to get the judgement.

it only gets better when they get back from narnia the second and final time, susan being convinced no one can measure up to her brother and peter being infinitely grateful at a second chance, both with narnia, and with his queen.

for edmund and lucy things aren't as hard thankfully.

getting back to England is only difficult because they're not children anymore, but they are back to being treated like so.

still they become closer than ever and they promise each other that nothings changed and when they get older and can actually do something about their feelings then they will.

they become so close that for a while in London, people mistake them for twins - having close ages and such a deep bond.

it's rumoured that they can speak into each other's minds.

[hungerun-a]

under the cut is my hc abt the maw (plus, six’s backstory bc its kinda intertwined), the signal tower, and how both of them function. along with what kinda world would create both of them in the first place.

(the maw, ft six’s backstory)

>six’s mother was the lady of the maw, and her father was a visitor who had been just ‘passing through’, but ended up staying a lot longer then intended. what he didn’t realize, was the fate he doomed his daughter with that decision. >there was a familial curse that clung to the fujioka bloodline, the side effects of a deal taken god knows how many years ago. an exchange of power, for sustenance. the lady got powerful dark magic, and the entity that was now attached to her acted much like a parasite, being passed from host to host.

>the maw was, originally, created with good intentions. it’s hard to believe now, but. once upon a time, it was supposed to be a sort of safehouse, protecting people from the confusing world outside, among other things. >but, even it eventually succumbed to greed, and fell into the state of disrepair we know it to be today, cannibalism and death now rampant. >problem children and attempted runaways are turned to nomes by the lady’s dark magic, and are then left to try and keep the dying ship running.

>the lady of the maw’s first born child with always fall ill soon after birth, the most concerning of the symptoms? a growing hunger. it’ll start out subtle, and then become uncomfortable, but bearable. it only gets worse from there. eventually, it’ll be so overwhelming, the child has no choice but to lunge out, and!– >they then become the next ruler of the maw, taking their parents place, and the cycle continues. the beast is settled for now, but it’ll want to feed again, eventually.

>the visitor was kept in the dark of this inevitably, of course. that is, until he heard the strangely dark lullaby his new wife lulled their child to sleep with from the next room. it was a bit too detailed, a bit too… real, maybe? soon, he came to wish that wasn’t the case. >though the visitor was to quick to placate his wife, soothing her fears of him ‘getting in the way of fate’. he, of course, was already making a plan to get himself, and their kid, out of the situation. though he still loved the lady, or loved at least what he thought he knew, he wouldn’t, couldn’t, put his daughter through all of that.

>on the same day, every year, the maw resurfaces for a short period, boats from near and far come bellowing with the hungry chants of the guests eager to get aboard. the visitor simply kept his head down, blending into the noisy sea of flesh, he managed to slip onto one of the visiting ships, and hitches a ride back to the mainlands, with his now almost year old daughter in tow. >he settled down, finding himself a job as a lighthouse keeper. when running from something that stalks the seas, most people would assume the smartest course of action would be to move somewhere inland. runaway as far as possible, forget the smell of the ocean breeze all together, but… >he just thought that maybe, maybe, with the lighthouse, he could see fate when it came for them. that wasn’t the case, unfortunately.

(the mainlands/the tower)

>the tower’s general purpose is to keep it’s citizens in a happy, totally unaware state, allowing the ‘worldly horrors’, (the north wind, the man in the mirror, etc etc), to feed off their hope. which in turn, makes them leave the quote unquote, 'more important people’ alone. (these being people like the pretender, the hunter, the teacher, the doctor, etc etc.)

>the signal itself is powered by children’s dreams, hence it’s effect, as it plays off adult’s nostalgia and ache for their past. simpler times, y'know? to get these dreams, normal children are kidnapped from their homes, being replaced with a doll-child. their parents are usually so out of it, they can’t tell the difference. >these doll-children are created and educated at the schoolhouse by it’s strict teacher. it was a normal school at some point, but that’s not the case anymore.

>once the children have been captured, they are brought to the tower, and put to sleep. any dreams they have are stolen from them, which leaves them with only a enteral nightmare. they don’t age once asleep, some of those kids have been trapped for many, many, many years. >the only person able to free them and wake them from their slumber is dolly/the thinman himself, bc he’s able to see the what’s left behind of those kids, the static phantoms that silently haunt the airwaves.

>there’s an even more unfortune side effect to all this. the signal is made up of mostly good dreams, of course, but. those nightmares? they affect it too, albeit more subtly, and slow. they’ve been leaking into reality itself, distorting the world and its inhabitants, more and more. adults tower over children with horrifying faces, terrible things lurk in the dark and under the bed, and they’re left to defend for themselves. and, the 'important people’ either aren’t paying attention, or. if they do see it, but they just don’t care.

>as for the thinman himself, he acts as a sort of 'ghost in the machine’, simply pulling the strings from behind the scenes. he’s apart of the signal itself, that is, until someone with a similar gift, can reach and free him, like dolly unknowingly does in-game. this cycle is similar to the lady’s, as once defeated, the child is destined to become the new thin-man, so forth so on.

[anthrodynia]

hate hate hate hate

I’m so viscerally angry just, fucking. Sitting here and watching people do stupid shit. Something something “don’t feed the trolls”, good thing I don’t have to feed the trolls to be fucking pissed, huh?

The internet is a fucking shithole, Twitter’s a goddamn battleground and every breath you take on there is an expulsion of hatred and sorrow. Every single fucking thing you see is either thinly veiled agony or agony in its rawest, least distilled form. The pathetic use cruelty as a personality because it’s the only thing that they can think to do. They have nothing behind those eyes but hatred and scorn for a world that could offer everything to them.

I wake up and I am immediately just, turning on every single part of myself that worries about stupid shit like whether or not I’ll look cringe or stupid, or whether I’ll be too weird in front of my friends, everything that confines me and makes me a slave to others’ standards. It’s so fucking stupid. I’m so envious of people who can actually just live their fucking lives and love who they love and love the things they love and actually get to engage in the fandoms they’re in openly and honestly.

Like you say you’re a furry and it’s “Ah, you’re a freak.” Instantly, subconsciously, no room for getting to know another person. It’s easy, because the weirdest are the loudest and why try to get perspective from anyone else, right?

I LOVE going online and being hit with an unrelenting tidal wave of just how desperate everyone is to be able to bully other people! I know how hard it is to hold oneself back from the satisfaction of crushing someone else beneath your goddamn feet, it must fucking SUCK to have to go through your daily life being a functional fucking human, so it must be a really big relief that - after pretending to be a worthwhile person - you come online to target people who were minding their own goddamn business!

I cannot begin to fathom a more pathetic person than someone who hacks a community website trying to gain the admiration and attention of fucking KiwiFarms of all people - a ‘neutral’ website for the purposes of internet archiving (harassment, lolcow mentality, stalking, you-fucking-name-it). I ESPECIALLY cannot fathom doing all that and then having KiwiFarms disown you. You are the shit beneath my fucking shoe.

I live and breathe being on the fucking internet as a form of escapism from a life that demands I’m a soulless, loveless fucking machine all of the goddamn time. I’m the type of person who thinks working at OnlyFans would be leagues above because I’d at least have my own fucking money and people willing to kill for me. At least I’d tap into some fucking niche where people wanna fuck ugly girls actually. If I can’t go on the internet and think “Man, it’d be so much fun if I could just be a nonhuman animal so I don’t have to deal with all the shit in my life”, and think about that whenever I’m stressed out, I might as well just fucking axe myself.

But that’s the thing, isn’t it? People like this think ‘survival of the fittest’ still applies to human beings. They probably think eugenics is a legitimate field of study and not a laughable fucking crock of shit. I bet these people think if your teeth aren’t formed the day you’re born you ought to be crushed on the goddamn spot. I bet that’s what they’d want the world to be like! Killing children for not fitting how their world should work.

People like them are pathetic. People who can’t even begin to examine their worldview and how it effects other people are fucking jackasses, there’s so much room for improvement but so many people don’t have the drive to try.

You ever notice that some of the most bloody, horrific, detestable murders are done by people convinced they’re normal and give a shit? Yeah, there’s crimes by socio- and psychopaths but at the very least they don’t go around acting like they’re on this glorious crusade to help the world at large. Usually they just have a singular goal in mind and go for it. Meanwhile some fucks think they have a point behind murder. Goddamn fucking pathetic.

You could not torture out of me the levels of pathetic whinging that comes out of the people who can’t fathom a different interest than theirs. I’ve seen some of all of it, I’ve been on the internet long enough to notice the patterns. All the same signs, all the puritanism disguised as ‘concern’, trying to alleviate their discomfort by saying “I’m uncomfortable so this is bad actually!”

I don’t want to be a human being, human beings are fucking stupid. I’d take being a dog or a cat or a fucking mouse over being a person. It’s not a difficult fucking concept, being a human has been nothing but trouble my whole life and all the animals that make me laugh are cute and protected and loved. I just want people to love me, I want to be loved, I want people to look at me and think, “The poor thing, she deserves so much more in life than what she’s got, I’ll help her, I’ll protect her, I’ll make sure she’s happy and safe.”

Because dogs get that and I don’t. Dogs are scary when they’re mad but they still get love. Dogs can smell bad and somebody’ll still hug them. Dogs are man’s best friend - I wanna be man’s best friend too. I wanna mean something to people, I want people to want me to be safe and happy just like any one of their pets. I’m a good person, I always do my best, and I want people to be happy that I do my best because I just hate how much people want to hurt others and I hate getting hurt all the time.

Do you know how ridiculous being a person is? You wake up in the morning and everybody around you is speaking a language that was invented and continues to be invented to this very day. Neologisms find their way into speech popularly and end up in the dictionary because it’s been said enough times to become part of culture. You wear clothes people tell you are pretty or not because that apparently matters and not whether or not they get the job done. You have to have all your clothes match, you have to brush your teeth, you have to make your hair all nice, you have to be stylish and pretty and warm and sunshine. You have to like being a woman but also we’ll treat women like shit. You have to like being a woman but you have been left with the original sin on your fingertips and every month you have to deal with the consequences. You have to like being a woman but everyone around you makes up new rules for being a woman every day. You have to like being a human but not too much because that’s weird. You have to like animals but not enough to wish you were one because what are you, some kind of freak? You have to like being alive but not enough to smile all the time because that’s weird and off-putting and if you laugh at your own jokes you just look retarded. You have to be strong, but if you’re too strong you’re a sociopath and you don’t cry when people die and what the fuck is the matter with you? You have to be soft, but not too soft because then people will take advantage of you and you know they’re all too eager to do that. You have to be smart, but not too smart or else you’re a jackass. You have to be dumb, but not too dumb or else you’re unbearable. Positive, but not too positive or else you’re annoying. Negative, but not too positive or else you’re STILL annoying.

I hate the tightrope so fucking much, let me fall off already. At least the lolcows can be their authentic selves still, at least they don’t have to deal with some ridiculous ratrace where you think you have everything figured out, but then everyone in the room looks at you like you’ve said something absolutely unbearable because you are unconsciously expected to always, always, always be micro-analyzing every single little thing and movement you do, because if you don’t you’re rude or awkward or goofy or unbearable or fucking annoying.

Sure, I can count the amount of times someone’s called me ‘annoying’ on both of my hands, but each time still fucking sucked because what the fuck am I supposed to do about that? I actively try to avoid interrupting people and I still fucking do, I can’t help myself, I don’t know when I’m supposed to fucking talk.

[tcapc]

Understanding The Psychological Impact Of Trauma

For a long time, trauma and its psychological impact on human behavior were pushed aside. Most of us found it hard to believe that the negative incidents we had experienced at certain times in our lives, and brushed them aside, could find their way back to disrupt our progress. You would say, ‘Yes, I was called Twinkle Toe as a university freshman, but it does not mean anything,’ yet, you would rather sulk in your pajamas than walk barefoot on the beach with friends.

We all process trauma differently, but to heal, we have to understand its roots, how, and why it has affected us.

Reflecting on the Past: Understanding the Emotional Impact of Trauma (tCaPC)

What is trauma?

Trauma is a dominant and consistent emotional response to a painful or negative event. It is not just about the shock immediately after the event. If not properly dealt with or managed, the effects can influence our behavior for years, even if the event does not happen again. The most paraded forms of trauma like wars, sexual assault, and natural disasters can not be over-emphasized, however, we can also have traumatic experiences in our relationships, with our health, and even in our social interactions. For Ethan, it was his relationship.

The Genesis

Ethan was a sweet boy. He loved his mum and dad together, or at least he loved what they showed him when they were together. He always thought his parents loved each other. They slept in the same house and they put on a great show in front of him. So, he assumed that they were in a great space. One day, Ethan came back from school and his mom was not at home. He got to the kitchen, served himself some freshly cooked food, and waited for his mum. Some hours later, his dad walked into the house. The sky was dark already and Ethan was yet to see his mum. So he asks his dad about her.

Sighing, his Dad sat him down and told him his mum would no longer be living with them. She had moved to Ohio, but he could visit anytime he wanted. No, Ethan screamed. Why did she go? His dad explained to him that they were getting a divorce as they were not doing well together. Ethan wanted his mum and dad together. He wondered why they would pretend that they were good when nothing was going right. He reminisced the smiles on their faces when they talked to him and he could instantly see the facade. He was hurt, broken, and confused, and he ran into his room.

While divorce can take a huge toll on children, Ethan took it pretty hard. He began to wonder if everyone was living a facade like his parents. He was in shock and denial. Sometimes, he would come home from school, expecting to meet his mum, but he would not meet anybody. It was an overwhelming situation. Ethan's dad did not know how to help his son, however, he assumed Ethan would get over it after some time.

Childhood Trauma: The Silent Struggle (tCaPC).

The Long-term effects

Ethan went through loads of transitions during this period. He went from being a sweet happy boy to a sad and angry teenager. After about 18 months, Ethan began to accept that his dad and mum, two people who claimed to be in love, may never be together again. So, he moved on, but did he move on?

Deep into his teenage years, Ethan began to notice something. If he made plans with his friends and they did not come at the exact time, he would get anxious. He was overwhelmed with fear and was obsessively time-conscious. When his friends come, they end up arguing and everyone goes back home angry.

While he tried everything possible to satisfy his feelings, he fell in love with his beautiful project partner, Maria, in high school. However, Ethan could not shake the feeling that she would one day walk straight out of his life and never love him again. Maria loved him but hated that he could not trust her. When Ethan was alone, he could not help but wonder if his mum ever loved him, or if Maria hated that they were together. He was dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder and was almost always in a bad mood.

Maria knew about Ethan's parents' divorce, but she also knew about how it affected him. However, she also wanted to be happy and Ethan was not giving her that. She decided to talk to him.

READ MORE: https://www.tcapc.ca/blog/understanding-the-psychological-impact-of-trauma

[thedyingtimelady]

A Crush on someone isnt that simple

Prolog 2/2 Hogwarts (1880-1887)

After the work was done, they walked in his little "Apartment", next to the Barns and he gave her a cup of tea.

"Take some biscuits too Ms. Stone. You worked really hard. That must be rewarded.", he told her, drinking his own tea.

For a while, they sat in silents.

But then, Violet got up and looked Mr. Moon in his eyes.

"Please marry me!", she shouted out loud.

Mr. Moon spit his tea, coughs and let go of his cup, what broke on the floor.

"Oh.", Violet made a sound, taking her wand and said. "Reparo."

The cup was whole again and Mr Moon picked it up.

"What?", he was confused.

"Please Marry me! Right after I finished school! I want to be your wife! Lets get engaged!", she said again, blushing deeply.

"Never!" , he shouted at her, getting up himself, looking furious at her.

But as her heart sank, he kept talking: "You are way too young! Did you lost your mind? I am 31!! You are 16! A minor!",

"But Peri Bluefeather is already engagent to a man, who is 10 years older than her! And thats okay! Its normal!", she said.

"ITS NOT NORMAL TO MARRY A CHILD!", he screamed. Her eyes widen and she stepped back.

She wasnt a child... She was almost a woman. Everyone told her, she became a woman as she had her first period.

"But.... my...", she stopped. She couldnt talk with him about her period! How scandelous!

"I dont care what everyone says! Until you are 18 years old, you are still a child! And even 18 is way too young to marry! At least be 20! This sick world lets grown men marry children! Disguisting!", he growl, putting the dishes away.

As he turned again to her, he froze.

Violet was crying in silent. "But... I love you...", she whispers.

He sigh, walking up to her.

"You are not loving me. You having a crush, what is weird for me, because I am a caretaker. I mean... didnt you see any handsome, young man walking around in your school? Or at least... I dont know... Professor Sharp? He is younger than me! At least have a crush on him!", he tried to make her laugh, but it wasnt working.

"But I want you... my heart wants you."

He gently put his hands on her shoulder.

"You are very young Ms. Stone. You dont know anything, what is going on in this world. I wont push you away now. We just pretend, this never happened. You still can help me out, visit me, drink a tea with me, talk to me, alright? You are a very kind person and I like having you around. You not killing all my nerves like the other students do."

Now she giggles a bit.

He gave her his handkerchief and she cleaned her face with it.

"Keep it. So you have something from me. And when you are realizing, you dont love me anymore, you can give it back to me. Deal?", he asked.

She nod.

 Two years Later

Violet Stone gratuated at the age of 18, in the year 1887. As a Slytherin, she made her house proud with all the work she had done.

Before leaving her beloved school forever, she went to Mr. Moon, who was preparing something for the next school year.

Violet held tight on his handkerchief he gave her two years ago.

"Hello Mr. Moon. I wanted to see you, before I leave the school forever.", she said, with a sad tone in her voice. 

Mr. Moon looked at her, seeing the handkerchief in her hands.

He gave her a light smile.

"Now the time came, hm? I will miss you and your kindness towards me. But I am happy, that your heart moved on.

He stretched out his hand to get the handkerchief.

She shook her head and put the handkerchief away, taking out another one. It was stitched with her name on.

"No. I will keep it, because my heart still loves you dearly. Please take this gift. I will get it back, when I return.", she start to smile bright, her grey eyes shimmer in the sunlight.

Mr. Moon stared at her.

"What? Your Return?"

"Yes! I will return! Give me 5 years! Than I will be a mature adult and we can marry. And I will work here as your assistent, until we get married!", she grin brighter, giggling.

Mr. Moon shook his head.

She was a very pretty girl, he admit. And she was charming and kind to him. And her grey eyes made his heart sometimes easier. She just had to smile at him and all the frustration in his mind was gone. But it was wrong to think like this. He was true to his words.

„You will be 23 when we meet again?“, he asked.

„Yes! So you have more time to prepare and I will be a bit older, so we can marry without you worrying about anything!“, she said determaned.

She hands him her handkerchief. He took it with a smile.

„Thank you my dear. I dont think, you will rememeber me, when the years away from Hogwarts will start, but I think it is a lovely thought, that your love with stay strong, until you return to me.“

She came closer. His heart skipped a beat. „Please give me a kiss. Please. I want you to have a lovely memory of me. Maybe your feelings will grow with the years.“, she asked him gently.

She closed her eyes, waiting for him.

Now he became nervous. Gladwin Moon was looking around. Someone could see them! What will they think of him?

But he couldnt let her stay like this… right?

He put the handkerchief in his Pocket and gently took her face in his hands.

He gave her a small kiss on the forehead and then stepped back.

Violet open her eyes in surprise, but smiled at him.

„I love you Mr. Moon! Until we meet again, my Darling!“, she shouted in happiness and ran off.

He chuckled, while looking after her.

He stayed in his home, hearing the train drive off.

Now he will never see her again.

He took at her Handkerchief and open a drawer.

Gladwin stand there for a while, looking at it.

Then he sigh, closing the drawer and putting it in his Pocket.

He laughs silently.

„Until we meet again, you wonderful kind soul.“