#but dave will always rank superior

[dave-me0wstaine]

hello!! sorry for the lack of updates but i am alive! i still love davie but ngl i’ve begun to get hyper fixated on other things, so updates may be a little slow!

[vexwerewolf]

Currently, it's set out like this:

John "TRICKSTER" Egbert pilots an IPS-N Tortuga called Prankster's Gambit. It has the ISP-N Raleigh's Kinetic Hammer. I chose this mech largely because John has absurd levels of MANGRIT and is very protective of his friends.

Rose "THERAPIST" Lalonde pilots a HORUS Pegasus called Thorn of Oglogoth. It is the only one currently installed with an NHP, a SISYPHUS-class named Jasper. I chose this mech for largely the same reasons you did.

Dave "GODHEAD" Strider pilots a HA Tokugawa called Ill Beats To Study To. This is my least favourite choice, but it was basically the default choice after all the others I'd chosen. I'll go into more detail down the page.

Jade "GNOSTIC" Harley pilots an SSC Death's Head called Dreaming Dark. I chose this largely because Jade's Strife Specibus for the vast majority of Homestuck is RIFLEKIND and it makes sense as a pure sniper build.

So Homestuck is very heavy on 2-fold and 4-fold fold numeric categorization of sburb session players.

There's 2-fold numeric categorizations - male/female, Prospit/Derse, red/blue (troll session), red/green (Cherub session), active class/passive class etc. and also dualisms such as Time/Space, Light/Void, Heart/Mind etc.

There's additionally what I would pretentiously describe as dualistic parallelism between scratched timelines: John (GT) and Jade (GG) become Jane (GG) and Jake (GT), exchanging both abbreviations and genders, while Rose (TT) and Dave (TG) become Roxy (TG) and Dirk (TT), exchanging abbreviations but not genders. We can speculate a similar thing may have happened with the pre-Scratch trolls but Hussie never bothered to tell us what their trollhandles were.

There's 4-fold numeric categorizations, such as classical element (Earth/Air/Fire/Water), noble gas (Helium/Neon/Xenon/Krypton), exile (WV/AR/PM/WQ and CD/HB/SS/DD), consort type (turtle, salamander, crocodile, iguana, etc.)

(The trolls also had 12-fold numeric categorizations but fuck that it's too complicated to categorize and not relevant right now)

Lancer conveniently has a couple of very useful 4-fold numeric categorizations: manufacturer and HASE (and it's nested, because the manufacturers themselves divided by HASE). It follows that I should divide the four original Homestuck kids one-per-manufacturer.

I had to give John the giant hammer and a big strong mech. If we're assuming that he's LL6, I reckon he has two levels in Tortuga, three in the Raleigh and a single LL-splash in Blackbeard for Synthetic Muscle Netting, to make his Tortuga e%tra STRONG. For core bonuses, I'm pretty sure he has Gyges Frame (more Threat with his hammer!) and Improved Armament.

Rose has all three levels of Pegasus, a level of Swallowtail for Lotus Projector and I'm not sure where her other two levels are. Her Core Bonuses are Lesson of the Held Image and Universal Compatibility, which she uses SISYPHUS dice-manipulation to rig so she always gets her Core Power back.

Jade has all three levels of Death's Head, two levels of Mourning Cloak for Singularity Motivator and one level in the Sunzi for obvious reasons. Her core bonuses are Auto-Stabilizing Hardpoints (on her Railgun) and Overpower Caliber (also on her Railgun).

Dave got stuck with a Harrison Armory mech mostly to maintain Homestuck's numerology. While the Blackbeard, the Atlas and the Metalmark all fit him, it would not be in keeping with Homestuckian numerology to give him a mech from a manufacturer that someone else had. Also, giving him the Tokugawa and making Engineering his highest stat at least let me keep his fire motif intact.

I reckon Dave has all three ranks in Tokugawa and three ranks in the Sherman for Redundant Systems Upgrade and potentially ASURA. His core bonuses are Superior by Design and Heatfall Coolant System because he stays chill 24/7.

TG: yeah dont worry i fully acknowledge superior by design is a hella fashy name TG: but ill burn in the fires of unironic double hell before i spend a single turn impaired

Homestuck and Lancer fans bout to go wild when I hit em with the

[chaoticgeminate]

Where it all Began

Part of the Iridescence Fictional Universe

Locked & Loaded Series

Dave York x Psychic f!Reader

Rating: E (EXPLICIT, minors DNI)

Word Count: 3.9K

Series Summary: Dave York, retired military sniper and FBMI analyst, is tasked to join and co-lead a new field team with his psychic boss dedicated to combatting the rising threat of undead threats in the outer rim of Se'Kvia. The team defies orders to find and eliminate the source of the threat and must run from their enemies and the agency to see their mission through.

Chapter Summary: You had always known you never saw the real Dave York, until now.

Notes: This is for @writer-wednesday week 3 and a bit of a prequel to Locked & Loaded. Big thanks to @writeforfandoms for doing a quick read of this pre-release. Jen is the best 💙

[AO3]

Word about the divorce had gone rippling through the leyline of gossip within what seemed like minutes after it was finalized. If David knew he was the center of the current hot-topic around the office he certainly didn’t act like it, coming in and sitting at his desk like always with the ‘World’s #1 Dad’ coffee mug just like always, and you found yourself irate on his behalf whenever you spotted anyone lingering around the hallways or whispering and shooting him glances.

Theories had been bouncing between infidelity to abuse, not one person seemed to have any sort of faith that it was an amicable separation. Even now, almost eight weeks after the gossip mill started, people were quick to assume he was at fault for what happened.

Your steps were mostly muted due to the carpet as you got up to refill your drink, the break-room was pretty much a full kitchen for which you were grateful, and as you slipped into the small space irritation bubbled up in your chest. The three main office gossips were huddled together, pointing at something on Olivia’s phone screen, and all you had to hear was “York” to know what they were doing.

“Are you three so ready to toss your jobs away over gossip? I’m fed up with seeing all of you slack off in favor of spreading lies and rumors.” All of them looked up at your sharp tone, it was easy for everyone to forget you were their superior since there was rarely a reason to pull rank, and since David hadn’t come to you personally to ask your intervention there wasn’t really much you could have done until it reached this point. Olivia’s jaw worked slowly like she was about to argue and your response was to furrow your brows, a reminder and a threat as your jaw tightened.

“No ma’am, won’t happen again.” Tristan broke away from the pair of women and fled, one of the youngest in the department and still a rookie FBMI analyst with a lot on the line if he were to lose his career, and Sayo quickly uttered her apologies before scampering back to her desk too. Olivia met your gaze head on before her eyes lowered and she nodded, locking her phone screen and skulking by you, and as you turned to to watch her go there was a minute bubble of delight in your chest seeing David standing there in front of her frozen form.

He said nothing to her she scampered by, clearly shaken if the tremble of her hands was an indication, and you sighed heavily before walking over to refill your own drink and get back to work. Silence hung between you and after a little bit of internal debate at the guilt sitting in your chest you glanced at him, watching David pour more coffee into his mug wearing a carefully blank expression.

“I’m sorry I didn’t intervene sooner, David.” He paused after he set down the coffee pot to look at you, eyes searching your face, and you could recognize the moment he registered the very real guilt you felt for not doing something earlier. His lips twitched into a frown before he rolled his shoulders, facing you full on and leaning against the counter.

“I never asked you to, it wasn’t like you had an obligation, ma’am.” Unlike the rest of the department he kept a formal rapport with you, preferring to set that boundary, and for some reason it upset you that he did. Out of everyone you were the closest to him in age so it was habit to gravitate his way during larger agency events, sharing in a comfortable quiet in some side corner of the room until you had to go do a speech. His formal remark here solidified that David would probably never be a friend at work.

“Even still, I try not to pry where I’m not wanted but I should have considered that you felt something like this wasn’t worth bringing to my attention. It was an oversight on my part and for that I apologize, I’ll do better from here on out.” He studied you and for the barest of moments his lips lifted into a slight smile, his eyes wrinkling at the corners as he nodded, and for the barest of seconds you got to see the face of the David York in the photos on his desk with his girls. Happier, looser, and it was good to know he was still there under the blanket of hard emotions.

“If I may ask, ma’am, you didn’t- aren’t you a psychic?” It was almost an immediate reaction for you to nod, so very used to being asked, but when no follow-up question came you noticed the way David’s head tilted. Studying you.

“Yes but I’m not empathic, I can’t read emotions, I’m telepathic. I can read minds and, if I focus hard enough, hear the whispers of lingering spirits. It’s why I wear these, they act as a barrier to prevent me from hearing everyone’s thoughts all the time.” You showed him the pyrite tragus rings on each ear, the metal was decorated with small hematite crystals and you’d gotten the ones that looked like the leaves of an ash tree, and David stepped closer to look at them before nodding.

“I never realized, I apologize for making presumptions about how you use your gift.” He had a genuinely apologetic look, one you almost never had gotten to see on him, and you waved off his apology with a hum. He wasn’t the first, nor would he be the last, to make any sort of assumptions of your power use; accusations of power misuse were prevalent among psychics and it was the fact that you worked for the FBMI that saved you from constant reports since they knew the precautions you took daily not to misuse your abilities.

“If you need anything David, even if it’s just someone to sit with or you need me to stop the chatter.” He nodded and returned to his desk, leaving you in the break room, and you clicked your tongue before actually focusing on your powers. You hadn’t before had a reason to check-in like this with anyone that worked for you so it was a touch jarring, to go from silence to sound, but you did get some amusement out of the range of emotions from the others.

Tristan stepping up to apologize to David was a pleasant surprise, genuinely trying to keep his job here due to the baby his wife was due to have any week now, and David was kind enough to give the young man another chance. It was Olivia and Sayo that were still upset, at you of course, for being called out; but they valued their careers more than the continued act of spreading rumors. You walked by David’s desk and noticed that he seemed to be sitting a bit higher, shoulders much more lax, and it was hard to stop the guilt from coming back for not stepping in sooner.

“You’re ex-military.” David’s remark prompted you to look up from your work, the place was quiet and you realized that it was due to lunch hour, but you sat back in your chair slowly as you nodded. The man sat down and slid a sandwich from the deli across the street to you, along with a small container of zesty pickled veggies and a bag of chips, the fact that he knew your order made you study him for a moment before thanking the man.

“Former executioner.” Your remark had his hands going still, the bloody line of assassin work was not for the faint of heart and you had the kill count tattoos on the back of your neck to prove what you’d done, and after the barest of moments he made a sound of understanding before the faint illusion charm faded as he removed the silver band on his right hand. The bullseye indication a marksman, a special operations sniper, was there in ink and you could only offer your own noise of understanding.

You spent lunch discussing the shift in his life, with David opening up to you about Carol’s reason for leaving him, and you could see the relief in his eyes that he felt understood at last. People like the pair of you didn’t just get to retire happily, not when you’d proven your capabilities to the Ostrean governing bodies, and like you he had his own messy field work to do whenever his skill as a sniper was called on.

His ledger was nearly as red as your own, the lives winked out of existence at the command of others haunting each of you, and finally the pair of you could see that bit of each other you’d so carefully hidden away.

Carol had gotten fed up with his constant barrage of bloody homecomings, with hiding the fact that he’d nearly died several times over from their kids, and since David couldn’t walk away from it she had.

“What about you? Anyone you leave behind?” David was genuinely curious and you found yourself exhaling heavily, the weighty reminder hanging over you like a shroud.

“No, I was the ideal executioner and never let anyone close enough. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing anymore.” Making friends wasn’t too difficult but relationships were a lost cause, especially being over the age of twenty-one, and David finished off his food with a rueful noise. Pausing at the door to your office for several moments to just look at you, and his expression was painted with self-loathing.

“We’re a fucking mess, aren’t we?” You could only agree, accepting his offer for drinks after work tonight, and it wasn’t until hours later when the pair of you were leaving the bar and he invited you to his apartment so you didn’t have to pay for a cab that you realized David was just emotionally lost. A man with no purpose, nothing to go home to anymore, and probably without anyone supporting him through this.

The slow rainfall that started didn’t hurry him along and you kept close to his side, quiet and steady, just letting the water drench the pair of you as others scampered by or used spells to keep themselves safe. His apartment building wasn’t too far and you almost laughed at the long line of floor-to-ceiling windows that made up the corner of the building since that seemed like such a poor design choice, but it was the only way to fit the building with the sharp angle that the street turned on around it.

His place was small and on a hexagonal shaped corner, the floor to ceiling window of the studio style apartment was where he had put out a blanket and two pillows in the dark rather than any bed, and there wasn’t any other sign of furniture. You stared at one another as he unbuttoned his drenched shirt, his coat hanging on the hooks by the door, and steadily you began removing your own layers when you saw the expression on his face.

The wanting, the desire, the need were painted there in his eyes through the dark and cut sharp into your own lonely life. Rather than ignoring it you surrendered, you decided to let this man take from you whatever it was he felt would keep him grounded.

His eyes followed each little bit of skin revealed to him, leaving you shaking in the chill of the dark, and David captured your hand in his when you moved to hug your arms around yourself. He pulled you close, bare and warm and exposed, and as he tugged you to the blankets you pushed him back to straddle him instead.

“What do you need from me, David?” His throat bobbed in the dark and when you captured his jaw with one hand a low whine was breathed into the space between you, his hands still at his sides, and the lost look on his face was enough. Your hand moved down his jaw, thumb stroking gently before your palm settled against his throat, and David nodded so slightly before you allowed yourself to put any pressure against his skin.

“I’m not going to ask again, David, what do you need from me?”

“Use me.”

“Ask me nicely, David.”

“Please, use me, ma’am.”

His voice was breathy and desperate, pitching high, and you put just enough force against his throat to reward without hurting. Then you let yourself explore, fingertips trailing down the length of skin bared and exposed to you, and David’s chest heaved at the very faint contact.

“You poor thing, have you ever trusted anyone enough to surrender to before?” He shook his head immediately, not trying to speak against the slight force you had on him, and seeing the glistening in the corner of his eyes made you loosen your hold. David inhaled and one hand came up immediately, pushing your palm harder into his skin, but when your expression tightened he moved his hands back.

“No, ma’am, I haven’t. I’m sorry, I won’t-“

“Hush now, needy boy, I’ll take care of you if you behave yourself. What are your words?”

His chest lurched as you pressed your fingertips harder into the softness of his abdomen hiding the muscle beneath, age had made his appearance grow softer but that belied the true power hidden away, and his pulse jumped against your palm.

“Stop-stoplights, ma’am. Green, yellow, and red.” You leaned down over him, bracing your hand against the blanket to press a kiss against the curve of his ear, and David was trembling beneath you.

“Such a good boy, I’ll forgive your little mistake earlier. You don’t touch me until I tell you to, you don’t move unless I tell you to, do you understand?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Tell me the rules, my needy boy.”

You leaned up to run your hand through his hair, core and adductor muscles holding you in place over him, and David titled his head back with the motion.

“I don’t touch you until you tell me to and I don’t move unless you tell me to, ma’am.” His eyes were wide and soft and wet and he looked so close to being overwhelmed, the constant control and blankness he held himself with fraying, and you felt that slow heat begin to build at the knowledge that out of everyone he trusted you with this.

“Keep being a good boy for me, David. I know you can do it, you’ve always been a good boy for me haven’t you?” He whined louder as he nodded and after a beat of taking him in you slid back to rest the cradle of your hips down against his skin, watching his throat jump and his jaw clench, the feeling of his steadily hardening cock against the curve of your ass a very clear indicator that he was still into this.

Moving your hand slowly from his throat to rest both of your palms against his chest, to begin rocking against the softness of his stomach and the coarse hairs at the base of his shaft, you were excited at the surrender. David’s fingers pressed into the blankets, grabbing and twisting as he trembled against his body’s desire to move, and you couldn’t help but grin as you worked one hand into his hair and your own body throbbed with a flood of desire when he didn���t let you move his head by tugging his hair.

“Oh, was a firm hand all you needed to behave? Tilt your head back for me, pretty boy? I want to sink my teeth into your neck, do you like that idea?” His head tipped back and you could feel the way his cock jumped against you, the slight dig of your nails into his skin earning you a gasp, and David sounded utterly wrecked when you dragged your tongue up the prominent vein in his neck before doing just what you’d said and sinking your teeth into him.

His thighs tensed under you, his hands fisting the blanket, and you kept your motions languid as you let yourself enjoy feeling his warm body beneath you. Releasing your jaw to suck and lick at the indents you’d set into his skin, feeling him struggle to obey, all of it was a heady sensation that had you dripping for him. The smooth glide of your pussy against his skin, against the now wet pubic hair, was addictive and having him waiting for you to make the next move set your skin tingling.

Carefully you moved your hips, lifting enough off him and watching his cock spring up to bob against the glistening skin of his lower belly, and the droplets pooling at the tip made your confidence soar.

“Color?”

“Green, ma’am.”

He looked desperate, your hand holding his head angled back by the hair and his eyes wet with tears, but he wasn’t showing any visible signs of discomfort. Gently you lowered your hips again and slid your slick lips against the length of him, watching his eyelids flutter closed, and you knew it was maybe a little mean but you made sure to catch the head of him right as you breathed against his ear.

“You’re doing so well, pretty boy.” He groaned and you felt the way his hips locked, the way he struggled not to move, and Dave whimpered when you looked up at the rain drops on the foggy window serving as the only light between the pair of you. The grip on his hair tightening just a little bit as you realized there was an enchantment on the window.

“What spell is on your window?”

“Shie-shield spell, ma’am, and a cloaking spell. So I can leave the- the curtains open ma’am.”

He was groaning now, the slick sounds and the sensation of your heat rocking against him slowly pushing his limits, and you knew that you were close. His surrender was probably the largest of turn ons for you, the fact that he’d given up control and you were the only one to see him like this, and as much as you wanted to sink yourself down on him it wasn’t going to be on the menu for tonight.

“I want you to put your thumb on my clit, David, and after I cum I want you to get up onto your knees with your hands on the window.”

He slowly moved one hand down and you felt the press of his thumb against you, your hips jumping at the feeling, and the very idea of what you were about to do to him set your blood on fire and had you throbbing hard. Your orgasm wasn’t a surprise, it built and built before ripping through you, soaking the shaft of his cock and his pubes as David whimpered beneath you. Watching your face as you fell apart, watching the way your throat bobbed and your chest heaved.

When you let him go he did as ordered, kneeling over his pillows and pressing his hands to the glass, and you come up behind him before pressing a gentle kiss to his shoulder and looping one arm around his waist while the other came up to rest against the base of his throat.

“I’m going to reward you for being a good boy, David, okay? I’m going to help you cum right here, is this okay? Still green?”

“Y-yes ma’am, still green, pl-please-“ As soon as you grabbed his slick cock David’s head fell forward, pressing into your hand, and his hips jumped as you began pumping his shaft and looking out over the street.

“Do you see all those people, everyone below us going about their day? Just think, David, if your window wasn’t enchanted they could look up and see you like this at my mercy. See you beg so sweetly for me to help you cum.” David cursed softly under his breath and you squeezed his throat just slightly, a warning, before rubbing your thumb across the tip of him to smear his precum and your slick together. Hearing him pant out soft noises, watching the condensation on his window form from his breath, made you desperate to know what he sounded like when he came.

His reflection stared at you in the glass, tears now leaking down his face, and you pressed another gentle kiss to his neck.

“You’re a good man, David. You’re obedient and strong, so very strong, and you’re such a good boy for me like this. Let me take this from you, be good and come for me. I’m here for you, you’re safe with me, pretty boy.” David let out a sob and you felt his shaft pulse as he came hard, what you couldn’t catch in your hand hit the glass window, and he fell back against you shaking.

“Talk to me, David, are you okay? Was that too much?” He shook his head, turning to wrap his arms around you, and you let him drag you down onto the blankets. Neither of you cared about the cum you smeared across his back, or the drag of his slick cock against your body, and you let him cry into your shoulder while gently stroking his back.

“Thank you. Thank you.” The whispers were soft, you almost didn’t hear them, and you felt your own sympathy swell for him. Gently you moved him, flipping the pillows over since there were definitely cum drops on the fabric, and David whined when you got up.

“I’m going to get you water and something to clean you up, stay here pretty boy.” He relented and you fumbled around the dark, finding the pack of plastic cups and filling one before giving it to him.

“Slow sips, okay, don’t drink too much at once.” He watched you walk around, finding his bathroom and the wash cloth in his shower, and after washing your hands and the smear of cum and slick on your skin you returned to him and began the process of cleaning him up. His cock twitched with interest but you shook your head, returning the rag to the bathroom sink after doing a cursory wipe of the smears sliding down the window, and after going to the bathroom you paused at the sight of him on his blankets.

“Do you want me to stay, David, or would that be too much?”

“Stay, please.”

You nodded and got down to lay beside him, he finished off the water and you opened your arms for him to lay with his head resting against your chest, tucking himself against the side of you; it wasn’t the most comfortable but it would be fine for tonight. He whispered his gratitude one more time before sleep took him, breathing evening out, and you took advantage to study his face in the glow of the city ambiance.

“You’re safe with me, David.” You whispered that reassurance, eyes closing, and you let the sound of the rain and the cars below drag you into Morpheus’ arms. Tomorrow there’d be time to talk, time to figure out what this was, but for now you’d let David find his peace even for a small fraction of time.

[thefandomlesbian]

okay I DEFINITELY want to see you rank your favorite BAU characters

oh boy oh boy oh boy i’m TOAST--

1.) Emily Prentiss: This woman was my gay awakening and I’m still madly in love with her. All of my original works when I was in middle school featured a character who was basically Emily Prentiss under a different name, and she still is easily in my second favorite fictional character of all time. 

2.) Spencer Reid: Spencer was the first character I ever saw on screen who loved learning as much as I did and made me realize there’s no shame in being intelligent or in craving knowledge. I’ve been compared to Spencer since my family first started watching the show when I was a kid, and we share a name, so that’s that.

3.) Aaron Hotchner: I projected all of my insecurities onto Hotch when I was a kid. When I watched his relationship with Haley fall apart on screen, I felt that in my very bones. I cried with him upon her death and raised Jack with him and even though I was long out of the fandom when TG was fired, I was still devastated to hear that he was being forced to leave. His ship with Reid was the first gay ship I ever connected to, and together, they were the first characters to ever teach me that people are gay and it’s okay. The one thing I do dislike about Hotch is how he’s implied to be wickedly intelligent, but it never gets, like, followed through with? The implication that he graduated law school at nineteen or twenty asserts that this man graduated high school when he was sixteen or younger, that he sped through undergrad and was able to get accepted into one of the most prestigious law schools in the country and graduated early and was an incredibly successful lawyer and prosecutor. He worked personal security, SWAT, he did a stent in Seattle, before he became leader of the BAU at twenty-seven years old. Hotch is, in all likelihood, a child prodigy of his own right, and it never gets mentioned because Spencer’s academic accomplishments are more impressive (and I could take this space to do a whole character study on why I think Hotch stopped his pursuit of academia, but I won’t waste my own time, lol). 

4.) Elle Greenaway/Alex Blake: I love both of these ladies so I had to include them. Elle was done dirty by the canon and I adored her work in season one and the unique sensitivity she brought to the field when the BAU was still, as one unsub described it, “a boy’s club.” Alex took a little longer to grow on me (mostly because I was super bitter about Emily being gone that I didn’t want to like her), but the relationship she nurtured with Spencer was like no other, and her submitting her resignation to him instead of her direct superior gets me in the feels every time I watch it. 

5.) Erin Strauss: Strauss is another character done wrong by the canon, and I’m so furious and bitter for her still. I loved watching her grow from a stern politician into someone who genuinely cared about the BAU as part of her family and would do anything to protect them. It was true character development that she went from trying to come for Hotch’s job in season two to deliberately fabricating paperwork to try to catch the Replicator in season eight, the latter which she did without informing anyone because she knew it could put them in danger. Watching her grow close to the team, watching Alex forgive her for her transgressions and become bonded with Rossi and Hotch, I really thought we were going to have an awesome thing going in later seasons, and I was devastated when I saw that it was all poorly written build up just so the writers could snatch the rug out from under us when they killed her off. She gave her life to protect the BAU and I’m going to work to redeem her character in my pieces. (This is an Erin Strauss AND Haley Hotchner defense blog, leave my ladies alone.) 

6.) Dave Rossi: I sometimes take issue with Rossi’s character because he can be so damn arrogant and in early seasons seems to think he’s God’s gift to profiling, but I’m so fond of him for his nurturing relationship with the other characters. He doesn’t believe himself to have any family (of course we find out later he has a daughter, but besides that) so he takes it upon himself to make himself the father of the team. We see this dynamic with Emily and Spencer the most, with Morgan to some degree, with Ashley Seaver a lot (one of the only things I loved about Seaver’s presence in S6), and even with Jack’s little league team. Rossi who will do anything and everything for his team because those are his kids, dammit. 

7.) Penelope Garcia: Penelope is my little ray of sunshine! I love sweet and special headcanons about her and how she keeps up with the team and brings joy to their lives. We share a love for cats, and her origin story always makes me chuckle, especially the opening scene where she says, “I am a psychopath,” and Hotch says, “No, you’re not.” Her relationship with Morgan brings me joy, though I’m still frustrated with the canon for not following through on that and making it “just talk.” I also disliked how canon handled her relationship with Kevin. I love Penelope as a character, but there were some moments that I thought were not written very well for her which is why she isn’t higher up on the list.

8.) Jason Gideon: I know it’s popular to drag Gideon in this fandom, but I like him a lot, and I think his downfall played into the team very well in the end when it led to Rossi’s joining the team. He had some of my favorite moments, especially when he chose to save the school children rather than apprehend Frank (I like to imagine what the other characters would have done in his shoes if Frank had fixated on them instead) and when he saved Billie Copeland while everyone else was prepared to throw in the towel. I like his dynamic with the team and how they (other than Spencer) lose faith in him from the pilot and then gain it back slowly. I enjoy how he interacts with Spencer and teaches him things on screen. I do take issue with his allowing Spencer to view him as a father figure when he knows that that is what Spencer desperately needs and I think Gideon, as compassionate as he is, can be unintentionally manipulative and quite harmful. Still, I think he’s a very intriguing character and I regret we didn’t get more of him. 

9.) JJ: It’s not that I dislike JJ actively (though if you had asked me ten years ago, I probably would’ve said I did). I find JJ’s character incredibly difficult to relate to because, much like I mentioned with Penelope above, she is a victim of bad writing. Unlike Penelope, JJ’s bad writing is damn near ubiquitous from the time Henry is born until the end of the show. She can’t be in a scene with a victim or a family member without bringing up her family, and every time she shows her actual personality, it gets followed up with, “I’m also a mom!” I don’t relate to women whose entire lives revolve around their children, so finding any common ground with me and JJ is extraordinarily difficult. More than that, I abhor her relationship with Will and how Will was allowed to treat her so incredibly poorly and not only does the fandom worship him and never call him out--the writers acted like JJ was in the wrong. It drives me absolutely insane that Will and Haley treated their partners in the exact same way, their character arcs line up almost perfectly, but Will winds up happily married to JJ with two kids and Haley gets to bleed out on the floor of her own home while her husband clutches her dead body and weeps. This storyline is just part of the misogyny in the Criminal Minds canon, and though I like JJ, I have a hard time seeing past all of it to form a good bond with her. Fanon JJ > Canon JJ. 

10.) Derek Morgan: Derek is a character who I think had a lot of wasted potential. He’s the expert on obsessional crimes--never mentioned again. He’s the expert on explosives--mentioned two or three times. Chicago PD? We never get any information as to how he went from PD to FBI. Derek is such a wildly intelligent man, we know that, but much like Hotch, his intelligent gets forgotten in exchange for Spencer to exposit at random, except his is even more pronounced than Hotch’s. After the first few seasons, the writers just treated him like the brawn of the BAU with no other expertise or presence, and I hate that for him--it was such a criminal injustice against his character. Unlike JJ, I do love Derek (my feelings for JJ are generally neutral leaning toward positive--I adore Derek Morgan) but the writers did him so dirty. I don’t like his relationship with Savannah at all. As a CSA survivor, his whole CSA storyline generally bugs the hell out of me because it only gets mentioned when the writers want to go boohoo Derek has trust issues or have an excuse to say “hurrdurr buff guy hates pedophiles” and he’s never shown having any meaningful struggle with his trauma (can be said of most of the trauma in the show) or having any character development (he’s often criticized for not trusting the team as much as he should but he never grows from it). Derek is a character I’m very protective of, but as much as I love his relationships with Spencer, Penelope, and Emily, I just can’t defend the ways the writers let him down so grievously. 

[mel0nbr3ad]

Wanted Man 1+2

(discontinued but it should still be an interesting read)

SUMMARY: Bed, a member of the notorious upcoming gang known as Sideshow, decides to spice his life up a bit, to the dismay of his co-workers. And if there’s one thing worse than a normal Bed, then it was a bored Bed. 

AN: a discontinued fic, that I decided to share anyway! I spliced together two big pieces of it, and hope the fic is somewhat coherent in it’s unfinished state, because if I don’t post it then it’d never see the light of day (I have no plans to actually continue it). Enjoy!

The City of Los Santos, notorious for its gang violence and frequent assassination attempts on important political figures (usually the governors, as the newest one had been imprisoned for actually hiring assassins to take out her rivals), was a feeding ground for criminals. To the point that seeing people on the street wearing gang colours was a common occurrence, though it often led to kidnapping and a shoot-out.  Robberies were a common spectacle, and as were car chases in the street which often led to civilians getting hit and run over by both robber, and cop alike.

A gang known as Sideshow was new on the scene, but had quite a reputation due to how successful their crimes usually were, to the point that the three founders (Bed, Tomato, and Criken) had never been caught and arrested once. After its formation, the gang grew in members fast, flying up the ranks, and now was just as notorious as other well-known gangs like the Stripp Club, and the OutLawls. The head of the OutLawls, Lawlman, had originally been in Sideshow, and ended up going off and doing his own thing, though he still had a good relationship with them. He also ran a successful radio show called ‘Lawlman In the Morning’, which was popular among most criminals due to its chill selection of music and helpful tips on what banks weren’t occupied.

The Stripp Club had an oddly strained relationship with Sideshow, however, as the head of it, Strippin, saw Criken as a rival and thus, the two gangs were competing for superiority with mixed results. The gang had been around far longer than Sideshow, yet the two seemed to be neck in neck with the profit they were making. Despite the strained relationship, Strippin and Criken never sent their boys after each other, keeping it far more civil than other gangs (who would often have shoot-outs instead and start little wars).

The Bitches, a small-scale gang, were friendly with Sideshow and even got to use their base to store their equipment (mainly to store the head bitch, Chief’s, cars). Buck, Charborg, and Zuthar were the other three that made up the gang. Zuthar seemed to have another gang, the Axis of Evil, though they weren’t often in the city and thus, he was usually just a bitch.

Ruby was the underground doctor for Sideshow and often chastised the boys on wasting her supplies, but she was always happy to help despite her grievances (and far too happy about using needles, to the fear of everyone).

Perc, Dave, Boon, Joe, and Sput were all new to Sideshow, and were all brilliant smugglers. Often they handled acquiring vehicles and firearms and making deals. Perc had so many connections to dealers. Boon, Joe, and Sput were amazing talkers when they weren’t trying to start shit, to the point that they could be amazing lawyers, if not for their thirst of committing crimes like everyone else. And Dave just seemed to be happy to help out, and didn’t seem much like a criminal, but did help with the gang’s morale.

There were other members of Sideshow as well, but those were all the important ones that made the gang tick. And last but not least, there were the founders.

There was Criken, the first founder who had thought up the gang. He was a brilliant hacker and the leader of Sideshow, as the other two hadn’t wanted to role. When the gang had grown, so had his confidence, and now he was a smooth talker, full of charisma and charm. He often attended meetings with other gang members, and it was so easy for him to get people to like and trust him with his friendly disposition. But all that fell away when his gang, his friends, were under threat.

There was Tomato, the second founder who had used to rob banks solo. He could hack as well but was more of the brawn in the field. But unlike most he also had the brains, which had helped him resist arrest time and time again. He wasn’t one for meetings, often leaving that to Criken, and preferred action over talking things over.

And then there was Bed, the third founder who was an efficient fighter. While he lacked in strength, he made up for that with his speed and skill, often using his lithe size to his advantage. He also happened to be a great shot with a gun, to the point that some of his associates had never seen him miss a shot. Unlike Tomato, who was more of a brawler, Bed seemed to be something else entirely. Though he had never spoken of where he had learnt how to fight.

Recently Sideshow had been decorating their new base, as their old one had burnt down to the ground. This new one, unlike the last, had a high-tech security system and was basically a bunker disguised as an abandoned office building. It also had a large garage full of Chief’s cars that could open electronically and allow gang members to race out and in easily with no obstacles in the way. It couldn’t be pried open easily, with the doors being made of metal, so no one had to worry about their base getting broken into, especially as it was mostly below ground under the building above.

Bed, who had been sitting on one of the said cars in the garage, mindlessly watched as Chief repaired his SUV which had recently been used in a robbery and had been dented so badly that the engine had been smoking. Buck helped pass over tools, while Charborg flipped through a magazine all about the latest clothing trends in the city (his Gucci flip-flops were all the rage, apparently). Zuthar was on the phone yelling at someone, who was probably an Axis of Evil member.

Bzzt! Bzzt! Bzzt!

Bed checked his phone, then left the room before answering.

When he returned, Chief was swearing and the engine seemed to be smoking more. “FUCK!” Nobody else seemed too concerned, and Buck was fiddling with the tools as if they were interesting and kept passing Chief the wrong ones, distracted.

Bed sat back on the car and sighed, feeling tense, yet thrilled. Anxious, too, all at the same time.

Eventually, Tomato sauntered into the room looking as grumpy as ever, and sat down next to Bed, watching the chaos. “You feeling like yourself?” he asked, though he didn’t even look at Bed.

“Huh?”

“It’s just that you’ve been quiet lately. Less like your crazy chaotic self. You’re never so quiet.”

“Just been doing a lot of thinking.”

“About?” And this time Tomato did look at him with an eyebrow quirked. He added, lowly, “Thinking of going rouge?”

Bed laughed and shook his head before elbowing him. “Oh, Tamto, you say the silliest things sometimes! Just been thinking about what crimes to do next. I’m so bored of robberies. Like c’mon, I want to do something flashier!”

“Well you could attend a meeting with Criken.”

“Argh, boring! He’d have to drag me to one of those kicking and screaming.”

Tomato grinned. “The feeling is mutual. But there’s many other things you could do, like smuggling or being the driver in a chase.”

“Nah, I’ll just stick to what I know. Besides, I’d rather drive my bike than a car full of people and money. I’d probably crash it as badly as Chief does.”

“I heard that!” Chief exclaimed. “And I’ll have you know that I don’t crash, I perform stunts!”

“But we do crash, sometimes,” Charborg added as he thumbed through his magazine.

“Hey! Whose side are you on?”

“Yeah, bitch,” said Buck. “Whose bitch even are you again? You’re Chief’s bitch! You’re a side bitch! I’m the head fucking bitch!”

Charborg smiled and shook his head, not bothered by the aggression in Buck’s tone at all. “Uh huh.”

Chief swore as more smoke poured out of the engine. “God. Damn. It!”

“That doesn’t look good,” Zuthar said, still on the phone. “Huh? Yeah, so, if you don’t hear back from me then I was killed in an explosion.”

“How are you making it worse?” Tomato asked.

“I’m not!” denied Chief, as he did indeed make it so much worse.

Tomato groaned before getting up and walking over. “Let me help before you blow us all the fuck up.”

As Tomato and Chief argued, Bed slipped away, making his way out of the garage and into the base. He checked his phone, attention lingering on it for quite some time, before putting it back in his pocket.

Heh, Tomato is way too sharp for his own good. It’s too bad, really…

Bed passed by Sput in the hallway, who was heading to the garage and whistling a tune. Sput gave him a friendly wave, which he returned, not stopping to chat. Bed headed to the control room where all the computers were located, along with monitors that showed the feed of all the cameras around the base. This was Criken’s domain, but he wasn’t sitting in his usual chair, momentarily away from his post. Just as predicted.

It was time for Bed to make his exit out of Sideshow, and make it as flashy and destructive as possible. He was under orders, after all, and couldn’t defy them. He had always known deep down that he’d end up betraying Sideshow one day. He just never thought it’d hurt so much.

AN: From here on, the fic was meant to be about Bed’s betrayal, but of course I never got to that stage in writing. I did, however, start what was meant to be the prologue of the sequel, and it’s more lengthy than you would expect.

Wanted Man 2: Election

Summary: A year after the events of when one transporter decided to shake up an entire city, the city has changed drastically. Sideshow is no longer some small-scale gang, and constantly at war with the Stripp Club, a rival gang. And Brett, the elected governor of the city, wants to put a stop to all the fighter—with a new body-guard at his side.

*

Unlike most hitmen, Bed hadn’t gotten into the line of work just because he had become bored of an ordinary everyday life—no, it’s something he had been born into. Or rather, adopted into. The life of a hitman had been chosen for him by events out of his control, as he had only been a child at the time. And, curious about his own origins, he had stolen his organisation’s file on himself and read about where he had come from.

It all started when a man, known only as Agent 47 in the file, had been carrying out a mission. The mission had been a long one, as in order to complete it he had to gain the trust of his target, as she had information that couldn’t be tortured out of her as her health was too fragile for torture. So, he had to make her fall in love with him and trust him, and that’s what he did. It had been easy, as the woman had taken kindly to his appearance and had figured he had been a wealthy man. And she had sort of been right, though Agent 47 had little need for money asides from purchasing murder weapons of varying degrees, he definitely could be described as rich.

Not long into their relationship (barely two months, amazingly), the woman had insisted that they adopt a son, as her health was too poor for her to have a child of her own blood. And, not caring for the consequences of that, Agent 47 could only agree as his mission was far more important than a single drooling baby.

Nowhere in the file did it say the baby’s name. Bed didn’t much mind, as he had named himself, and knew it wasn’t uncommon for hitmen to be indifferent to all forms of life, even babies.

So, Agent 47 and the woman adopted the baby, and had cared for him for four months, while Agent 47 had painstakingly tried to weasel the information out of the woman. And finally, finally, she cracked and gave up the information. And Agent 47 ceased having a need for her anymore, and planned to either fake his own death or kill her to tie up any loose ends. There wasn’t a need to kill the baby.

Somehow, someday, the baby had climbed out of his cot while the woman and Agent 47 had been distracted elsewhere, and had crawled into the kitchen, and had used the drawers to get up onto the countertop and had dug through the upper cabinets. Then Agent 47 had walked into the room only to find the baby holding a vial of deadly fast-acting poison and had, somehow, gotten the childproof lid off. Rather than drink the liquid, the baby, after fiddling with the vial, poured the liquid into a bowl containing cake-mix, that the woman had been whisking.

Agent 47, hearing the click of the woman’s heels nearing, then took the vial off of the baby and hid it in his pocket, before picking up the baby and cradling him as the woman walked in. She suspected nothing as she went back to whisking the cake-mix, too distracted to notice the extra liquid added. And she cooked the cake, served it, and died that night.

And suddenly Agent 47 had a once again orphaned baby, who had just committed his first murder at age two. And who had gotten away with it without the woman suspecting a single thing. And so, of course, like any logical person would do, Agent 47 decided to hand the baby off to a hitman organisation who took in kids because obviously murder was the baby’s calling. And it wasn’t like Agent 47 could care for the baby himself and bring him along on missions. And perhaps, Bed suspected, Agent 47 had been afraid that the baby had not accidentally killed that woman at all and that somehow a two-year-old baby had planned it. But, that was up to speculation. Who could know for sure?

So, Bed grew up within an organisation of hitmen alongside only a handful of other kids. For him, murder wasn’t such a big deal. It was his own version of ‘normal’. Although, he only murdered his targets, or those in the way, and didn’t murder during his free time. And what he was known best for was how he could cause chaos, and use it to his advantage to take out targets, and finish his missions undetected. But the thing is, being a hitman was actually extremely boring after a few years. Boring, because he was so good at it. It started feeling like a chore. Even when he tried to spice it up a bit, his boredom never ceased.

He left that organisation, though ‘left’ wasn’t exactly the right word as leaving his roots behind wasn’t that easy. More or less he had gone on vacation, to be an assassin for hire. And then he had been employed, rather swiftly, by a wealthy man named Brett. And again, Bed was killing his targets left and right. For two years he served Brett, singlehandedly dismantling a notorious biker gang that had been plaguing the city of Los Santos, which Brett had disliked purely because of the noise of their bikes. And not a soul had been able to identify who had taken them all out—not a living soul, anyway.

And then Brett, pleased with Bed’s work, had cut him loose, though he had told Bed to stay within the city for future work. And he had told Bed, “Go make a name for yourself, cause some shit, or go make some friends. I don’t care what you do, as long as you never breathe a word about what you did for me and if we ever cross paths on the street, make sure you act as if you don’t know me. But know that one day I’ll have another job for you.”

Suddenly Bed had a strange taste of freedom in a city he hadn’t grown up in. Though he was always away of the collar around his neck, and the chain that would one day pull him back, not allowing him to wander off. But after days of no calls for Brett, then weeks, it felt as if Bed had to find a way to occupy himself with all his free time.

In the dark of night, bathed under streetlights, Bed met Criken. At that time, Criken hadn’t been the now notorious leader of Sideshow. Instead he had been a wannabee criminal who had hacked ATMs and hadn’t done much else. And on that fateful night, he had hacked yet another ATM only to have been spotted by a gang who acted as if they owned the area, and all of the property, even the ATMs. In short, they tried to rob Criken who, fearfully, had called out for help, too afraid to fight the swarm of men, lacking combat experience.

And Bed, having had nothing better to do, had intervened. He hadn’t had much action and had itched for violence, so the decision had been easy and he had grinned madly when he kicked a guy’s knee from behind with so much force that they buckled forward with a scream of pain. And the rest of the guys lost interest in Criken and went for Bed, who downed half of them within seconds, forgetting to hold back.

Suddenly, a guy with red hair jumped into the fray and punched one of the goons in the jaw, and upper-cut another in the stomach with his other hand. “Hey,” he had said, in greeting. “I thought I told you not to go off by yourself and do crime, Criken.”

Criken, who had been huddling behind a streetlight, had laughed nervously. “Tomato, hi! And sorry… I’m not used to this stuff yet.”

“No shit! I could tell that when I tried hitting the bank you happened to be hacking at, and you nearly pissed yourself when I pointed my gun at you.”

“Yeah, well, that worked out didn’t it? ‘Cause now we’re best buds!”

“Ha! That’s one way to phrase it I guess.”

When the last gang member had hit the ground, Tomato had locked his gaze on Bed and something about him had screamed to not fuck with him. It had been easy to tell, considering how powerful his punches had been. His fighting style hadn’t been like Bed’s, with precise attacks to down opponents as quickly as possible. No, his fighting style was more like a streetfighter who, despite having no training, was scarily good at what he did, used to dealing with thugs.

Criken, perhaps having noticed Tomato’s glare, had been quick to rush in between them, putting his back to Tomato but his front to Bed. It was an easy way to get stabbed, and Bed always carried knives on him and, out of reflex, had reached into his pocket subtly and kept his hand on the knife’s handle. Because he had expected Criken to attack him, but instead Criken clapped, applauding him.

“That was awesome, what you did!” he had cheered, his eyes practically sparkling, all his fear from earlier completely gone. “Where did you learn to fight like that?”

“Yeah, where?” Tomato had asked, suspicion in his tone and malice dripping off of his words.

“Uh…” He could have stabbed Criken. No witnesses. And even a brawler like Tomato wasn’t much of a threat. It could have been so easy. “I’ve…been a criminal for a while. I just sort of picked it up as I went. I’m used to getting in fights.” And he had smiled with ease, used to charming people.

“Woah, seriously? I wonder if I’ll ever get that good? I’m not much of a fighter…as hacking is more my thing. I’m super good at it, though! I only sometimes trigger alarms!”

“Wow, hacking is super cool. I can’t do that stuff,” Bed had lied. Though, it had only partly been a lie, as he could hack but only on a basic level. He had never gotten much time to learn it outside of assassinations and combat training.

And Criken, perhaps having not been used to praise, had been won over. “You should join our gang! Oh, but only if you’re not in one yourself. I guess considering how amazing you are at fighting, you’re probably already with someone else.” At the thought, Criken had seemed so crestfallen.

“Hold on, I didn’t agree to this!” Tomato had complained.

“Shh, we need more members! Besides, I’m the leader so what I say goes!”

Tomato had rolled up his sleeves and cracked his fists. “Oh yeah? We didn’t agree to that either. So if you think you can just—”

“Don’t mind him,” Criken had interrupted easily, having not even reacted to the threat of violence. “He acts all tough but he’s a big softy.”

“I swear to God, I’m going to—”

“Anyway, so how about it? Maybe you can leave your gang and join ours.”

“Alright, sure.” It had been an impulsive decision, but one born out of a need to get a hobby. And he had never been in a gang before.

Criken had gasped before pulling Bed into his arms and hugging the shit out of him, and Bed had gone rigid, not used to human contact at all. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! Now Sideshow is at three members! You know, Tomato and I only met last week and suddenly I met you and now our gang is growing and oh my God we should design t-shirts and get a base and oh my God this is so exciting guys!”

And over Criken’s shoulder, Bed had been able to see Tomato’s death-glare, and the absolute distrust and promise of violence in his eyes. And Bed had smiled widely, showing teeth, as if asking for trouble.

From there, Sideshow had grown to three members. And they had robbed banks together, successfully, even with Bed and Tomato having outbreaks of trying to choke each other out. Criken had always been the one to break them up, quite easily too. Tomato never attacked Criken, so all his thirst for blood would disappear if Criken got in the way, and Bed hadn’t wanted to injure Criken, as Criken was the leader and so he was a source of entertainment for Bed.

Bed quickly learned that it was easy to get on Tomato’s nerves, and so much fun that it became a game for him. Like pulling faces at him when Criken wasn’t looking, and ordering a delivery of vegetables to Tomato’s apartment, and interrupting Tomato’s words. It was the most fun when Criken wasn’t around to stop the harassment, but he always ended up showing up just in time to ensure that Bed didn’t shank Tomato with a knife, defending himself when Tomato turned to violence.

Soon, there was a feud of malicious harassment on both sides, and it turned ugly real quick. So much so that a bank heist went so bad due to Bed and Tomato being so distracted, that Criken ended up being shot by cops who had seen Tomato pulling a gun on Bed (he wouldn’t have fired it, probably). And somehow, the three had gotten away, with Tomato driving the getaway car and Bed looking after a bleeding Criken in the backseat.

“What the fuck was that?” Criken had asked, days later, patched up and pacing around his own apartment as Bed and Tomato had been seated on the couch, on opposite ends, a huge gap between them. “This has to stop, guys. Because getting shot, amazingly, isn’t fun! You can fight when we’re not doing any crime shit but even then, what the hell is your problem? To be the top gang, we have to work together. We can’t afford to make mistakes like this. I could have died!”

“Top gang? We’re just a gang of three. I dunno what the fuck you’re on, but we’re never exactly going to be on top. You know that, right?” Tomato had said bluntly.

And Criken’s face had darkened. “Avoiding the issue like always! You know what? Fuck you, get out of my apartment and don’t come back until you change your attitude. Both of you fuck off, I don’t want to see either of you right now.”

It hadn’t felt good, being kicked out so abruptly. Criken had always been so polite, despite being a criminal, which just showed how angry he had been. The anger had been justified, sure, but the feud went both ways. It hadn’t just been Bed fuelling it.

“Want to fight?” Bed had asked, as the two exited the apartment building together.

“Not really, as tempting as punching your pretty face would be.”

“’Pretty’, am I?”

“’Pretty’, as in pretty revolting.”

“Nice, Tamto.”

Tomato stopped walking and whirled around to face Bed, so close that Bed leapt back, instinctively creating a gap away from the sudden closeness. “Don’t call me that,” Tomato warned, an edge to his tone.

Bed had grinned the usual grin, the one that Tomato hated. “But Criken calls you that.”

“You’re not Criken.”

“But you guys only met each other about a week before meeting me. How is it fair that he gets to use the nickname but I can’t?”

“Because the difference between you and him is that at least I can trust him not to stab me in the back. Guys like him aren’t good at lying, and he’s way too trusting and honest. But you? Well you just scream trouble. You don’t fight like a normal criminal, and don’t think I haven’t noticed. Plus your aiming is deadly accurate, so you’ve been using guns for a long time. And don’t even get me started on your proficiency with knives. It’s like nothing I’ve seen before—not on these streets, anyway.”

Men like Tomato were dangerous. At first Bed had assumed he had just been some brawler, but the guy was as sharp as a blade. If he had wanted to, then he could become a great gang leader someday. Maybe even greater than Criken, but something seemed to have always caused Tomato to hang back.

“Maybe I’m just lucky,” Bed suggested.

“Or maybe you’re just a wolf, poorly trying to disguise himself as a sheep. What do you get out of being a part of this gang of three, Bed? You’re skilled enough that you could join a bigger gang, or make a name for yourself solo. So what is it that you want?”

What do I want? Bed had wondered. A purpose? To waste time before the next big job?

He hadn’t even been so sure back then.

“Well what about you? What do you even get out of working for Criken when you could be a leader yourself?” Bed had asked, flinging the question back.

“I was a leader of a gang,” Tomato replied easily, not caring to hide it. “It didn’t really work out. From the inside it sort of crashed and burned with everyone becoming more obsessed with money than morals. They did things that I didn’t approve of, and only found out about later. So I dismantled what I had built. I went solo, and that seemed to be working, then as you know I met Criken and the guy had been way too friendly to me, while I had a gun pointed at his face and then took him hostage to get the cops to back off. Then, like a madman, he asked if I wanted to be a part of his gang when we got to safety. You know, as if it had been a normal thing to ask after I had used him as a hostage.”

“And what made you agree?”

Tomato sighed. “Well, the guy had guts for asking me, that was for sure. He seemed to believe in his dream of becoming this great big gang boss and I guess…he sort of reminded me of myself and what I had wanted. So I agreed, as long as he made all the big decisions and didn’t put too much responsibility on me to look out for others. I ain’t about all that buddy-buddy shit. We’re criminals, not friends. We ain’t a fucking family, that’s for sure. Even so, I don’t like or fucking trust you one bit.”

“Jealous?”

“Nope. It’s just that something about you makes my skin crawl, as if isn’t as real for you as it is for Criken and I. As if you think you’re immortal or something, and nothing that happens matters. Got any emotions behind that fake smile of yours?”

Subconsciously, Bed brought a hand up to his own face. “What do you mean?”

“All I’m saying is that I’m expecting your betrayal any day now. Criken might not see what you are, but I do. Good luck on playing pretend for a bit longer.”

With that, Tomato left Bed to his thoughts. Like, who in the hell was Tomato and how was he so perceptive? But no matter what Bed tried to dig up about him, all that Bed found was records on his gang activities and not much else. As if his tracks had been erased long ago. And, for the first time, Bed had felt uneasy.

He stopped stepping on Tomato’s toes too much in missions, even cutting back on his remarks and little pranks. And of course Tomato never said anything, but Criken noticed and seemed to interpret it as if the two were finally getting along (far from it, they were just so paranoid of each other and what they could do and knew). Criken, having to be the getaway driver due to his injury, complimented them both as they raced away with bags full of money and treated them to dinner.

And as the days passed without conflict, Bed and Tomato spoke less to each other. Bed kept on trying to dig, of course, and he had been sure that Tomato had been doing the same in his own spare time. Neither spoke about it, and of course Criken never had a clue about it.

“Maybe we should start recruiting new members!” Criken had suggested one night, while they had planned the next big bank heist. “With just three guys, there’s only so much loot we can steal. And we’re already earning a reputation! And we have a rival now!”

Their rival was known as The Bitches, who were a gang consisting of four members, known for their unorthodox methods of distraction and robbery. The Bitches had exchanged a slew of curses with Sideshow, when Sideshow had taken the bank they had wanted to rob. And The Bitches certainly did hold grudges. Bed didn’t see them as a threat though, as they were often purposefully attracting the attention of the police just to get in a car-chase, rather than caring for being stealthy like Sideshow.

“The Bitches ain’t nothing,” Tomato said, shaking his head. “I looked them up, and none of them seem competent.”

“Hey, we weren’t competent not long ago, but now we’re working together just fine!” pointed out Criken, completely missing the constant unease and distrust Bed and Tomato held for each other. “And maybe we can recruit them! As fun as having a rival is, to gain the attention of the press, new recruits sounds so much better. Or we can just form an alliance. Or we can…”

Bed had tuned Criken’s excited ramblings out, not caring what he decided. Because whatever happened, he knew it would be interesting.

Surely enough, the Bitches did agree to an alliance. And suddenly Chief (the leader of the Bitches), Charborg (the fashionista of the Bitches with his great/poor taste in clothing), Zuthar (the muscle, constantly in riot gear and with a baseball bat), and Buck (the most chaotic Bitch, and loudest, and sometimes the most dangerous depending on his mood) were working with Sideshow. Due to Chief’s addiction to chases, he had agreed so that when the cops showed up to a Sideshow robbery, Criken called him, and the Bitches would smash their car into the cops and distract them, as all of the Bitches had active warrants out for their arrests. And of course Criken would give them a cut of the money earned from selling the stolen goods.

Soon they could rob bigger banks, with the Bitches helping out. And Sideshow really did get their name spread around due to all their successes, and lack of being arrested. Somehow, they always managed to get away (though it helped that Bed was a great shot with his pistol, and Criken was better at hacking, and Tomato could knock the wind out of cops no problem, especially when he took a bat with him to robberies, taking a page out of Zuthar’s book).

And then suddenly, Sideshow had new members. There was Ruby, who was a very skilled underground doctor, often giving medical supplies and who seemed to go way back with Criken. There was Dave, who was as kind as anything, whose kind exterior hid the fact he was a criminal deep down and great at smuggling illegal weaponry. There was Boon, who helped supply vehicles to Sideshow and would also help in smuggling them some illegal weaponry. There had been Lawlman, for a short time, before he had gone off to make a living off of being a radio host on his hit radio show, Lawlman in the Morning (though he often gave tips to Sideshow, alerting them on good places to hit). And there was Sput, who owned a police radio for whatever reason which gave Sideshow a huge advantage knowing where they would patrol.

As the gang grew, they could afford better equipment, and built their own warehouse as their secret base.

Tomato never stopped being suspicious of Bed, though, and it was mutual. Criken didn’t understand when the two stopped going on missions together, despite how much success they had had in the past. Both had reasoned that with more members, there was no need for the original three to keep on working together like before. And that seemed to have made Criken disappointed.

So they would do their own thing, and not cross paths for days sometimes. And Criken had been too busy running the expanding gang to intervene, as much as he so obviously wanted to smooth things over (never knowing that nothing had been smoothed over in the first place, just hidden from his sight).

Then one day, while most of the gang had been out of the base doing their own things, a rival gang had hit the warehouse hard. They had driven in, shooting from their open windows of their fancy sports cars, and shot up the place as much as possible, destroying whatever they could and lobbing grenades, too, hoping to earn some kills. Hoping to stamp out a gang on the rise, that had been leaving them in the dust.

Bed had been inside the base at the time, and had been surprised when there had been the sounds of gunshots and then an explosion that rocked the warehouse right before the roof had crumpled downwards, from the impact of a rocket-launcher. And rather than having been crushed, Bed had ducked under a computer desk at just the right time, glad that the desk had been sturdy and existed at all as convenient shelter. And with Criken being a hacker, the base had so many desks and computers just lying around (which had sadly been crushed in the destruction).

“BED?” a distant shout had cried out.

Bed, unscathed, had crawled out underneath the desk, and had pushed some debris aside, aware that not all the roof had collapsed, but it looked like it would at any second. So he had acted fast, rushing over to where he had heard the voice, and stopped when he spotted Tomato, pinned under a beam, but alive and breathing as he bled out from all the cuts on his body from the crash. And a man, not from Sideshow, stood over Tomato, a shotgun pointed at his face.

“Hey boss,” the man had spat out. “Guess who rebuilt your crumbled empire? Honestly, I had always hated serving under you as you let our gang fall into shambles.”

“F-Fuck off,” Tomato had replied with a glare, not afraid of the gun barrel. And he had subtly glanced at Bed, but with little hope in his eyes, not expecting him to act, as if he had accepted his fate at the hands of an old underling.

“And then you went off to be a part of another gang, run by some nobody… Honestly, kind of pathetic, isn’t it? Oh how far you have fallen. But don’t worry. After me and my boys exterminate everyone here, we’ll chase down the others. It’d be just like the old days, minus you I guess. Don’t you miss the old days when you ran a gang that people feared? And now you’re nothing more than a side character in someone else’s sad little story.”

As the man had went on and on, Bed had moved closer and closer behind his back, only to have noticed the sudden tension on Tomato’s face, right before Bed had been grabbed from behind, his neck locked in an elbow by someone strong, making it hard to breathe, but he had quickly decided not to struggle, but to freeze up and make himself shake as if in fear.

“Boss, I found one!” the capturer had announced gleefully.

The gunshot wielder had spun around, looking delighted. “Oh, Tomato, I decided that we’ll torture this one right in front of you. Then I’ll kill you!”

“D-Don’t,” Tomato had gasped out, struggling but unable to get out underneath the beam by himself.

“Friend of yours, is he? I’ve seen you two robbing banks together before. Would be a shame to kill someone so skilled but honestly I think a lot of what people say about you guys is make-believe bullshit.”

“P-Please don’t kill me!” Bed had cried out, crying crocodile tears and acting as pathetic as he could with ease. His acting was a bit rusty due to disuse, but he could still cry on command. “I’ll do anything! P-Please!”

Another gang member showed up, holding a bazooka, which Bed never failed to miss. “What’s taking so long, boss?”

“Hmm, how about this, Tomato? We’ll take you both with us, and torture your friend real slow. You never approved of torture, but I found that I quite like it. Nothing’s better than hearing a man to beg for their life, only to kill them anyway. Maybe I’ll make you torture him yourself, and break you both in mind, and body.”

“D-Don’t!” Bed exclaimed, sobbing more, but not loudly.

And the man had laughed. “Oh, I will enjoy breaking you.”

Soon, the beam had been lifted off of Tomato, and both he and Bed were shoved towards one of the sports cars as their base crumbled and burned. It burned brighter when petrel was added to the flames, making them roar. It was a good thing that no other Sideshow member had actually been around, unlike both Bed and Tomato who had both been brooding, unaware of each other both staying behind on the same day at the same time until the attack.

Tomato had to be supported, hardly able to walk, and right before the door to the car had been opened, Bed purposefully made himself trip and fall to the ground, out of his capturer’s grip, and Bed made his own body slacken and lay limp.

“I think he passed out from fright, boss.”

“…Bed?” Tomato had asked, concerned about him, for the first time ever. And that had been the most surprising thing of all that day, not the sudden attack.

“Oh, I can’t wait to show him what true fear really is.”

And as Bed felt a hand grab onto him to pull him up, Bed had instantly reacted, snapping his eyes open and pulling a knife out of his sleeve, glad that the gang of idiots hadn’t checked him for weapons, falling for his innocent act. And within seconds he had the blade plunged in his capturer’s throat, grinning as blood poured out freely and thickly in a spray. And with the kind of swiftness that only a trained hitman could have, he had the knife freed within an instant, and was on the bazooka-wielder within a heartbeat, slashing his throat out too.

BANG!

Uninjured and confused, Bed had spun around to find Tomato, on the ground, with a smoking pistol in his hands, and watched as Tomato’s old underling fell to the ground, bleeding from the chest and unmoving.

“…Thanks for the assist,” Bed had said, surprised.

“Yeah… Thanks for…what you did. I didn’t think… I guess I misjudged you.”

You didn’t. You’re right to suspect me. “I was just doing my job. Sideshow wouldn’t be the same without you.” And that was true, at least. “Now let’s deal with the rest.”

When help finally arrived, the remnants of Tomato’s old gang had been dealt with, and Sideshow’s base had been completely ruined. And even so, Criken had been relieved to see that both Bed and Tomato had survived, despite the odds, and despite Tomato’s injuries (it had helped that Bed had shot up the other cars with the only bazooka, with Tomato firing from his position on the ground, easily taking out stragglers).

“We can rebuild,” Criken had said. “But we can’t replace you guys. You’re the core of this gang.”

Bed never mentioned that the attack had been due to an old grudge against Tomato, and Tomato never admitted it to Criken either. So both of them shared their secret, and that still held true to this day.

After that, Bed and Tomato actually started working together again. And it felt different. Rather than judge Bed on his skills, instead Tomato had started complimenting them, even asking for tips. And Bed had been more than happy to show him a few tricks, though Tomato could never match his speed and skill, but he made up for that with his brute force alone.

Soon, there was no more feud.

And Bed, forgetting why he had joined Sideshow, started having so much fun that he truly felt like he was a part of the gang, and not just a temporary member. He even accepted being called one of the founders of it, and his life had been great.

But then one day he had gotten a call, caller ID unknown.

“Agent 22, I have a job for you.”

From there, Bed’s newfound life had crashed and burned to the ground. And the collar around his neck had tightened once again, pulled back into a life he had never chosen, because he couldn’t escape what kind of person he was, and had been raised to be from the start.

“I want you to cause some chaos and start a war between Sideshow and the Stripp Club. Both gangs need to be brought back down a few pegs, and are flying too close to the sun. Now, I can’t have that. If I’m going to become the governor for this city one day, then I need to get the general population so afraid of all the gang violence and chaos that you cause that they’ll elect someone that they trust can bring peace. And as I have a friendly relationship with Criken and Strippin, in time it’d all fall into place. Now, here’s what I need you to do…”

He hadn’t wanted to do it. But how could he refuse?

“Remember, these people were never your friends. They’re all just criminals. I hope you’re not having second thoughts. No one has to get hurt but…”

“I won’t let you down.”

“Good. So we’re in agreement?”

“Yes. Job accepted. I’ll…betray Sideshow and join the Stripp Club. That’d cause more than a few issues, and I’ll make my exit as explosive and flashy as possible.”

And he hadn’t gone back on his word. But that didn’t mean it hadn’t hurt.

 *

 And here Bed stood, back in the city that he had run from just a year ago. He had indeed pitted Sideshow and the Stripp Club against each other and all the while Brett had been gaining trust of the wealthy, campaigning on the down-low while Bed had been out on the streets causing a war.

Today, Bed stood behind Brett as Brett stood at a podium in front of the courthouse, giving out a speech to the people of Los Santos.

“I’m happy to announce that I’ll be running for governor in the next election. As you know, all I want is for the general public to feel safe within their own city. Last year was a tragedy, as the city fell into chaos with gangs waring on the streets, fighting for their spot at the top. And I promise that I can form peace with them, and I’m sure you’ve all noticed the drop in crime lately. That’s because I’ve been reaching out to gangs across the city, with the hope of making this city far more peaceful for everyone. But I can’t achieve my dream without your votes, so I hope that you’ll consider me to be the next governor. All I want is peace.”

As Brett stepped down from the podium, he stood behind Bed, who was clad in black, wearing a sleek black biker helmet to match, despite Brett’s dislike for bikers. And Bed, assigned as Brett’s bodyguard during his campaign, couldn’t help but feel apprehensive about the idea of the city being run by someone who had purposefully tried to destroy it, all to act as the only glimmer of hope in a city plagued by gang violence, just to gain votes and people indeed cheered for Brett, and held up signs promoting him.

But Bed played his part of the silent yet intimidating bodyguard. Because he couldn’t fail his mission. Nothing else mattered. Not even ghosts from the past or an old gang he used to be a part of.

[largestliar]

omg pardner tagged me ❤️❤️❤️

1. Last Song - Receive and Bite You from the Yakuza 4 ost. Probably my favorite iterarion of receive you from the Yakuza series that I've played so far. My kind of music, very intense with lots of sounds I like and the intro is very excitng. Faded vocals that play throughout are a sound I thoroughly enjoy. This song also plays during a very climatic moment of the game, as well as being a remix of one of my fav characters themes. A banger, I do declare

2. Last Show - The Last of Us. I do admit I was a bit hesitant about the show, believing that if the game existed and already told the story in a brilliant way in a medium I believe to be superior than simply watching then the show was going to be a lackluster adaptation. The show is different however, adapting the wider story but shifting the details, making it some kind of alternate universe version that closely follows the event of the original. The changes it makes are solid, being dramatically different but leading to the same outcomes so if you were to play the game after you'd still kind of know what you were getting into but would still be shocked by certain things.

3. Currently Watching - South Park. Buddy puts it on sometimes, pretty funny.

4. Currently Reading - Homestuck. Recently got into it cause a bud was pestering me about it and I've really gotten into it. It fell of a bit a ways into all the kids entering SBurb and I don't find most of the trolls as interesting but I still really enjoy it. Plus I'm in post scratch territory now and all the new kids are a really neat but honestly not particularly looking forward to the new trolls. But yeah, homestucks really cool. Using music, animations, storytelling, lil minigames, art, all really cool stuff, honestly kind of like a video game in the way it takes a bunch of artistic mediums and wraps it into a single project. The flashes are all really fun to look forward to.

5. Current obsession - I LOVE THE STRIDERS!!!!!! They're my fav characters and I rewatch the flashes they show up in all the time. Musics always cool and stuff they do is awesome. Dave was my favorite of the beta kids and Dirk is catching up in cool factor with "Prince of Heart: Rise Up". I watch "Dave: Ascend", his strifes with bro, "Descend", "Dave: Accelrate" and "Jade: Enter" like every day cause the musics awesome and Dave and Bro do so much cool stuff. Hope Dave will show up again and do more cool stuff and Dirk will continue to be cool as hell too.

6. Unrelated Obsession - I fucking love when leitmotifs are used for a character. Homestuck does this a lot but another example I absolutely adore is NMH from No More Heroes. Shows up everywhere and really fun finding it. Ultrakill also does it for Versus and Duel for V2, my fav character from the game. Rank jingle for Pizza Tower. Stuff like that, where it's the same tune but different.

6 Questions

RULES: answer the questions then tag some folx you want to get to know better/catch up with.

thank you @thana-topsy for tagging me in this <3 <3

1. Last Song: Drive Off A Bridge by Jakey. this entire album is bangers only no skips but this one is so easy to listen to over and over. When i write i tend to find one song that fits the vibe i want and listen to it on repeat. 2. Last Show: Black Butler lmao. my husband had never seen it so we watched it all over the last few weeks 3. Currently Watching: Cunk on Earth it's short but very funny 4. Currently Reading: i am constantly reading shitty ebooks. i'm on book ten of the Guardians of Hades series. it's like a guilty pleasure, bad but indulgent. 5. Current Obsession: CallofDutyModernWarfare. i'm done fighting the hyperfixation i'm just gonna let it happen. Specifically Ghost and Konig because who doesn't love a masked man with emotional issues, right? 6. Unrelated Obsession: I love to bake a lot, i've been trying to make good gluten free bread for ages. I've gotten into podcasts lately - specifically Sad Boyz. the funnies mixed with emotional vulnerability and truthful exploration of mental health gets me good. also dabbled in kpop because there's some bangers in there but holy shit i'll never get into that fandom.

i'll tag some friends: @somethingscarlet13 @miraakswhore @singleteapot @sharkfund @sanguineroses @tyltos @pav0-ocellus @galair

[unibrowzz]

Mod (finally) reviews all 67 winners of the Eurovision Song Contest Part VI: The 00s

So I gave the 2000s a lot of shit back when I was rewatching them, mainly because the contests became much longer now with the introductions of so many more participants that semi finals had to be introduced, and also because the song quality nosedived. With the televote now in full control of who won, all you really needed to do to get a good result was either send somebody well known in your geographical area, and/or send something weird that would stand out amongst 40+ participants.

This is where the illusion of “bloc voting” came from.

So song, quality for the most part, was compromised in favour of either sending an attention-grabbing vote trap or just somebody famous. But that’s enough about the contests overall, how’s about them winners?

2000- Fly on the Wings of Love

Country: Denmark

Artist: Olsen Brothers

Language: English

Thoughts: I wonder how it feels to wait nearly 40 years to win again only to win as a complete surprise with a song 100/1 in the odds. Must be weird. My feelings towards this song are… kinda mixed. It sounds like the kind of song you swear you’ve heard before over a million times, be it in advertisements, on the radio, being played by buskers or bored guitar kids at parties. But at the same time it feels so completely different compared to other winners and, Hell, even other Eurovision songs at the time. It’s a very striking and recognisable song when talking about Eurovision music, sure. It’s very chill, and relaxed, and the singer has a bizarre voice which somehow sounds heavily autotuned even when he’s performing live.

Is this my personal winner for this year? Not really

If no, what is? Sweden- Roger Pontare- “When Spirits are Calling my Name”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 46th

2001- Everybody

Country: Estonia

Artist: Tanel Padar & Dave Benton

Language: English

Thoughts: And this folks, is what you call a guilty pleasure. I avoided this song for a while because I just knew it was objectively terrible. I knew this barely qualified as a song, that most of it was just two mismatched dudes shouting at each other over a disco track, that the lyrics aren’t that great at all… Et cetera. And yet, trashy as it is, I still really like this song. I don’t really know why, maybe it’s my barely-hidden desire to be an obnoxious contrarian, maybe it’s because the chorus has some fairly decent lyrics (especially for an eastern European entry), maybe it’s because it’s catchy… Or maybe because it’s fun, I dunno.

Is this my personal winner for this year? 2001 really sucked tbh

If no, what is? Honestly yeah, this song shreds

Personal ranking (out of 67):  13th

2002: I Wanna

Country: Latvia

Artist: Marie N (Or, Maria Naumova)

Language: English (I think…?)

Thoughts: You want a song which hasn’t aged well? Well here you go.  I’m sure this song was MUCH more bearable back in 2002, but listening to it now is just... What on Earth is she even saying?? I don’t think I’ve heard a song with such garbled lyrics before. On my first listen, I couldn’t even distinguish what language this song was in, and when I finally realised it was in English… good Lord, the lyrics are complete nonsense. And the rhyming? It’s non-existent. The funny thing is Marie herself speaks really good English, so why this song sounds like it was run through Google Translate five times and sung by someone who only started learning English 5 minutes ago is beyond me. But enough about the terrible singing, lyrics and butchery of the English language, does this song have anything else going for it? Not really. I’d put this song into the same category as “Diva”, in that it’s trying desperately to be the next big disco track of its decade, but it just never reaches the crescendo it sets out to achieve. It just drunkenly fumbles around until it ends. What a graceful entry.

Is this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what is? United Kingdom- Jessica Garlick- "Come Back"

Personal ranking (out of 67):  59th

2003- Every Way that I Can

Country: Turkey

Artist: Sertab Erener

Language: English

Thoughts: Ah yes, the original ethnopop winner. I’m still not 100% sure what ethnopop is, but I’m guessing it’s just slang for the kind of music you’d hear in a gay bar whilst on your holidays. Not that I would know. This is yet another winner where it took me a good few listens to properly enjoy it since I thought the lyrics were a bit… bad. But unlike those other songs, I got into this one way back in (checks playlist) 2014, and I still haven’t managed to fall out of love with it, so to speak. I still really like this song, I’d go as far as to say it’s in my top ten favourite winners in fact. A statement which still hasn’t changed after I watched the 2003 contest recently in July of 2020, so hooray for that. And ethnopop isn’t really a genre I tend to gravitate towards, but I think what makes this song stand out to me at least is how heavy it is. This is a very slow song when you look at its BPM, and the beat just pounds loud and clear all throughout it. It’s not as obnoxious or in-your-face as other songs of its genre, it’s its own thing and that’s what makes it a cut above the rest for me.

Is this my personal winner for this year? Yes

If no, what is? N/A

Personal ranking (out of 67):  5th

2004- Wild Dances

Country: Ukraine

Artist: Ruslana

Language: English

Thoughts: Ah yes, the superior Ukrainian winner. This song is kind of similar to the one above, in that just like “Every Way that I Can” this is a big, stampy dance number, only this time with the distinction that the lyrics were written in 30 seconds rather than a few minutes. It doesn't get lazier than this folks. But I'm willing to forgive lazy lyrics if the song can distract me from them, and thankfully this song can. Plus it’s not like this song needs good lyrics anyway, I get the feeling the focus is more on the beat and instrumental more than anything. And luckily I’m a sucker for that.

Is this my personal winner for this year? Yes

If no, what is? N/A

Personal ranking (out of 67):  7th

2005- My Number One

Country: Greece

Artist: Helena Paparizou

Language: English

Thoughts: I’ll give you “My Number One crawled so Fuego could run”, more like My Number One won so Fuego could pull up the rear in second place behind a song full of chicken noises. But I’m getting ahead of myself. This song I feel is the one which really popularised that… certain brand of Eurovision song. The female-led, east Meditteranean origin, “Yas queen slay” brand of Eurovision song. Yanno. The true gay bar song. Which is, as I said earlier, not really a genre I like nor care for. Do I like this song? Eh. Kinda. I can’t really bring myself to hate it, since I have some good memories associated with it, but... … Well, I wouldn’t go out of my way to listen to it, put it that way. It feels kind of aggressive, and not in a way I’m all that comfortable with. The way she snarls that she’ll “get vicious” if her love isn’t reciprocated especially doesn’t sit right with me. Like I don’t want to be a That Guy™ who says people would get offended if a man sang that line, but it still puts me off a bit.

Is this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what is? Hungary- NOX- “Forogj, Viláj!”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 36th

2006- Hard Rock Hallelujah

Country: Finland

Artist: Lordi

Language: English

Thoughts: My mother always asks me “how did this win?” And I always tell her, “Well it’s been nearly 15 years since it won and you still remember it, so clearly it left an impact on people.” So, obviously, this is a gimmicky entry; without the giant monster costumes I highly doubt this would’ve even qualified, let alone won with what was then a record-breaking score. After all, rock/metal songs don’t tend to fare well at this contest. Even with the drunk European public in full control of the vote, most of them are lucky to even make it onto the left side of the scoreboard, and getting into the top ten? Forget it. It's too niche of a genre for it to have broad appeal, especially given how a lot of viewers (in my experience at least) DO tend to be older and more conservative, shall we say.  Now, I'm not an expert on rock or metal myself, so I can't really say whether this is a good representation of the genre or whether this is what outsiders THINK it's like, but even to my untrained ear this does sound very tongue-in-cheek. Like I don’t want to go so far as to say this is a parody of metal music, but it definitely doesn’t seem to take itself too seriously. The song, I mean. Apparently the band is very serious about their monster aesthetic; but I digress. That said, I do have a soft spot for whatever sub-genre of metal this is, so I don’t mind this one in the slightest. 

Is this my personal winner for this year? This or Croatia

If no, what is? Croatia- Séverina- “Moja Stikla”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 30th

2007: Molitva

Country: Serbia

Artist: Marija Serifovic

Language: Serbian (Translation: “Prayer”)

Thoughts: Ah, this one takes me back. This was one of the first Eurovision songs I remember truly falling in love with way back in 2013. I must’ve been about 16 or 17 at the time, heavily into dark, edgy music, and this song was just pure heaven for me. Ticked all the right boxes. It’s dark, it’s brooding, it’s sultry, the vocals are stellar, the lyrics are incredible; like, I wanted the title of this song tattooed on my wrist, I loved it so damn much, I just wanted to declare to the world that I loved this song. But that was then, how do I feel about it today? Obviously not the same, tastes evolve over time and after a while I wasn’t so easily suckered into this song’s spell like I used to be. But at the same time, I can’t deny that this is a fantastic song across the board, and one I still like despite it being my edgy favourite from back when my taste in music was terrible. Plus this is also the best-sung song of the 2000s, but that’s like being the tallest person in a room full of toddlers.

Is this my personal winner for this year? Yes

If no, what is? N/A

Personal Ranking (out of 67): 3rd

2008: Believe

Country: Russia

Artist: Dima Bilan

Language: English

Thoughts: Ah yes. The song that finally made Terry Wogan quit after 30 years of “commentating”. The song that proved to the people of the UK once and for all that the contest was rigged to favour certain countries and that countries in western Europe would never win again. Was it worth it? Not really, but I’m not complaining.  Now, I don't like Wogan's commentary at all, but really? This song? This is the straw that broke the camel’s back? This song isn’t bad per se, it’s just… Very underwhelming. And outdated. Like I can smell the 2000s off this one and it smells like Lynx body spray and hair gel. It's stuck in that awkward phase where it's too old to be cool, but not old enough to be retro, and it’s forever doomed to be a product of its time. It’s just an average, generic, “I have a dream and I can achieve it” pseudo-ballad; nothing outstanding or special. The performance feels very stale and formulaic too. The only way to describe it is it’s what I imagine an American person would THINK a winning Eurovision song would be like based on what they get told by their European pen pals. Dated music, hot Russian men, over the top presentation, like this just reeks of what outsiders (or British people, for that matter) think Eurovision is made of. On a different note, mediocre and dated as this song may be, I can still kinda see how it won (and no, it has nothing to do with Russia’s international relationships). Dima himself is a very… unique performer; one who performs with the questionable energy of an overexcitable children’s YouTuber, and his dramatic and exaggerated movements make this whole performance a bit of a blast to watch. But that doesn’t really save how painfully bland the song is.

Is this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what is? Latvia- Pirates- "Wolves of the Sea"

Personal ranking (out of 67): 48th

2009: Fairytale

Country: Norway

Artist: Alexander Rybak

Language: English

Thoughts: I’m not going to lie, my feelings towards this song are incredibly mixed. There’s a lot of appeal here, with wild violin solos, swooping vocals and a pounding beat, as well as a very singalongable chorus; like, this is a good, solid song. But… something here just doesn’t gel with me. This, to me, is one of those “good by default” songs that’s a solid ‘A’ across the board, but something’s just… missing for me. There’s not enough here for me to go out of my way to download and listen to this on a regular basis. It's in the same boat as “Waterloo” in that I don't dislike it, because it’s still a good song, but I can't say I like it either, because it’s such a default "best Eurovision song”, so I can’t sincerely say I like it. Am I making sense? Probably not. But basically my thoughts are “it’s good, but it’s not my kind of good.”

Is this my personal winner for this year? Ehhhhhh

If no, what is? Germany- Alex Swings, Oscar Sings- “Miss Kiss Kiss Bang”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 29th

[your-dietician]

MLB & the Dodgers needlessly delayed an obvious Trevor Bauer decision

New Post has been published on https://tattlepress.com/mlb/mlb-the-dodgers-needlessly-delayed-an-obvious-trevor-bauer-decision/

MLB & the Dodgers needlessly delayed an obvious Trevor Bauer decision

Trevor Bauer is not starting for the Dodgers on Sunday. That was the obvious decision from the moment a temporary restraining order against the pitcher was filed on Tuesday, and even more so when the graphic and disturbing details were revealed on Wednesday. That the decision for Bauer not to pitch didn’t come until Friday is the infuriating part, emblematic of a sport that pays lip service to caring about women but always seems slow to demonstrate this support in practice.

Major League Baseball placed Bauer on paid administrative leave on Friday, the mechanism by which Bauer is removed from the roster for seven days while an investigation is ongoing. MLB can extend the administrative leave, which is not yet considered discipline (but can later be applied as time served against a future suspension), by asking the Players Association for a seven-day extension.

Since the joint Domestic Violence, Sexual Assault and Child Abuse Policy was instituted in 2015, seven players before Bauer were first placed on administrative leave. Five had their administrative leave extended at least once, agreed to by the MLBPA as an investigation was ongoing.

A sixth — Jose Reyes in 2016 — had his leave converted to a paid suspension until the completion of his legal proceedings. The collective bargaining agreement gives the commissioner the power to do this if he feels that “allowing the Player to play during the pendency of the criminal or legal proceeding would result in substantial and irreparable harm to either the Club or Major League Baseball.”

MLB in-season domestic violence investigations

Since the start of the Joint Domestic   Violence , Sexual Assault and Child Abuse Policy, agreed to by MLB and the MLBPA, started on August 21, 2015.

Bauer’s hearing to respond to the restraining order is July 23, so it’s reasonable that his administrative leave could last until at least then.

Reyes had already been arrested in Hawaii and had a trial date set for April when he was placed on paid suspension five years ago. Charges were eventually dropped because Reyes’ wife did not cooperate with prosecutors. To date, Bauer has not yet been arrested or charged by the Pasadena police, though an investigation remains ongoing, and per Bob Nightengale at USA Today, is increasing in scope:

“We were looking into some things and we thought we were nearing the end,’’ Lt. Carolyn Gordon, who is overseeing the investigation, told USA TODAY Sports Friday. “We are not close to the end.

“This investigation is bigger than we thought. So we have to look a few more places. We want to try to uncover as much stuff as we can.’’

Gordon said the police department has received new leads in the investigation that began about six weeks ago.

The restraining order obtained filed in Los Angeles Superior Court on Tuesday, as described by Katie Strang and Brittany Ghiroli at The Athletic, as well as Jeff Passan and Alden Gonzalez at ESPN, detailed sexual encounters with Bauer on April 21 and May 16:

On May 17, the day after the alleged assault, the woman went to the emergency room and was diagnosed with “acute head injury” and “assault by manual strangulation.” San Diego police spoke with her. The woman said she “attempted to downplay what occurred out of concern for my privacy and what my statements might lead to.” She told police she didn’t want to file charges.

Bauer’s representatives sent along screenshots of texts between Bauer and the woman who filed the restraining order, along with a statement from one of Bauer’s agents, Jon Fetterolf, which includes, “We have messages that show [the woman] repeatedly asking for ‘rough’ sexual encounters involving requests to be ‘choked out’ and slapped in the face. In both of their encounters, [the woman] drove from San Diego to Mr. Bauer’s residence in Pasadena, Calif. where she went on to dictate what she wanted from him sexually and he did what was asked.”

At Beyond the Box Score, Sheryl Ring outlined the legalities of consent, specifically how it relates to Bauer:

With this background, you probably now see what the problem is with the text messages released by Bauer’s team…and why they haven’t yet used them in a court proceeding. First, the messages essentially confirm that some sort of encounter occurred and that violence was involved. Second, they do not, in and of themselves, constitute consent for either encounter; at best, they constitute ratification of the first encounter only. Flirtation, in and of itself, is never consent. Third, nowhere do the messages mention punches or concussions, which means that even if Bauer’s victim consented to rough sex and choking, those messages don’t excuse the concussive blows. And fourth, Bauer admitted to performing sex acts on his victim without her knowledge whilst she was unconscious, and she cannot legally consent to those acts.

Bauer hasn’t yet been charged with a crime. It doesn’t mean he won’t be, and it certainly doesn’t mean he won’t be suspended by MLB. The seven previous players who were placed on administrative leave were all suspended, for an average of 62 games. The fewest was 20 games for Julio Urías in 2019, who spent the minimum of seven days on administrative leave after getting arrested on suspicion of domestic battery for reportedly shoving his girlfriend in a parking lot.

From Jorge Castillo at the Los Angeles Times in August 2019:

In June, city prosecutors announced they would not file charges against Urias and no action would be taken in connection with the report, as long as he is not arrested again for violent criminal behavior in the next year and he participated in a 52-week domestic violence counseling program in person.

Which brings us back to the timing of all this.

Of the six MLB domestic violence suspensions in which the incidents took place in season, five players were placed on administrative leave within 24 hours of either the incident itself or news of the incident. Domingo German’s incident in question came on September 16, 2019, but pitched two days later for the Yankees, who said they didn’t know about the incident until he was placed on administrative leave on September 19.

With Bauer, the restraining order was filed on Tuesday. Even if MLB and the Dodgers didn’t know of the severity right away, those details were widely reported on Wednesday.

But we had to go through the charade on Thursday, before the Dodgers’ series opener in Washington D.C., during which manager Dave Roberts said that Bauer was going to start on Sunday and that the team was simply following the direction of MLB.

“Regardless of what the organization wanted to do, this is what has to happen,” Roberts said. “It’s out of our hands.”

While technically true that the CBA gives the commissioner sole authority to impose discipline for violations of the domestic violence policy, there’s also the common sense of not wanting a player who is accused of felony assault to represent your team right now.

The Dodgers have made roster moves with ulterior motives before.

Ross Stripling was sent to Arizona for a month while on the minor league injured list for “lower body fatigue” in 2016, which was really just to limit his innings not yet two years removed from Tommy John surgery.

Walker Buehler was optioned during the All-Star break in 2018, which just so happened to deny him enough service time to fall four days shy of a full year, which assured he’ll be a free agent after 2024 instead of 2023. “It’s workload, it’s roster management,” Roberts said at the time.

The Dodgers could have sat Bauer themselves by saying the decision was related to the long-term health of the roster. But please spare us the line, “It’s out of our hands.” That was insulting, and it’s ridiculous Roberts was even in the position of having to say it.

MLB might not have been too concerned about acting promptly, perhaps wanting to wait until the morning of Bauer’s start, to start the seven-day clock as late as possible. Maybe their timeline was accelerated by the terrible optics — and resulting bad press — of having Roberts go through the motions, not realizing the harm it inflicted.

Or maybe the league didn’t care.

This is an industry that saw Jared Porter rise through the executive ranks, receiving nothing but glowing reports about what a great guy he was. Only to have it all come crashing down within days after being named general manager of the Mets, for sending unsolicited, lewd texts to a female reporter years earlier. When Hannah Keyser at Yahoo Sports asked Mets president Sandy Alderson how many women were interviewed about Porter’s character before getting hired as GM, he said none.

MLB is an institution in which Mickey Callaway’s lewd behavior to women was called, in a report from The Athletic, “the worst-kept secret in sports.” Yet he was hired by the Mets and Angels after his time in Cleveland despite this reportedly notorious past, before getting suspended this year.

Callaway and Porter were both placed on MLB’s ineligible list through at least 2022, but they are by no means alone. MLB as an industry has fostered this abhorrent behavior towards and treatment of women for decades.

When Addison Russell was placed on administrative leave by the Cubs in September 2019, that same day, as chronicled by Sara Sanchez at Bleed Cubbie Blue, owner Tom Ricketts and president of baseball operations Theo Epstein answered questions from the media.

On Friday, with Dodgers team owners, team CEO and president Stan Kasten, and head of baseball operations Andrew Friedman all in Washington D.C. to visit the White House for winning the 2020 World Series, only Kasten spoke to reporters.

Kasten said some substantive things, including, per Bill Plunkett at the Orange County Register, “We’ll have things to say about questions like that when this is over. But it isn’t over, and to say anything while it’s ongoing would not be proper. I don’t want to do that.”

But it was this, in Dylan Hernandez’s column at the Los Angeles Times, that is enraging:

While Kasten offered lip service about being “mindful” and “sensitive” to the opinions others have on Bauer’s situation, he sounded as if he failed to grasp the seriousness of the problem.

He greeted reporters on Friday by joking about the advice he offered manager Dave Roberts the previous day before his daily pregame videoconference.

“I told him, ‘They’re going to talk about Trevor Bauer,’” Kasten said. “Just say, “Can we please talk about foreign substances?””

He laughed.

As an organization, you can’t puff out your chest after backing out of a deal for Aroldis Chapman in December 2015 after news of his domestic violence — for which he was later suspended for 30 games — came to light; and you can’t boast about how acquiring someone like Roberto Osuna, as his 75-game suspension was ending, was not for you, only to turn your head now.

When the Dodgers signed Bauer to a three-year, $102 million contract in February, a good chunk of the introductory press conference featured questions about Bauer’s past online harassment of women — I talked about this at the time on two different podcasts — which persisted mostly because he kept giving non-substantive answers.

“There’s some stuff that’s more public with Trevor that definitely was something that we wanted to dig into. We had multiple conversations with Trevor. Stan and I talked to Trevor,” Friedman said on February 11. “From our standpoint, it was important to have that conversation. We came away from it feeling good about it. Obviously, time will tell, but I feel like he is going to be a tremendous add, not just on the field, but in the clubhouse in the community. That’s obviously why we’re sitting here.”

The Dodgers bet heavily that Bauer’s pitching would outweigh all the baggage. Right now those odds aren’t looking so good.

Source link

[junker-town]

Western Illinois, Year 29, 2035-2036

The Leathernecks shoot for back-to-back national titles in our College Hoops 2K8 simulated series.

Welcome back to our simulated dynasty with the Western Illinois Leathernecks in College Hoops 2K8. You can find a full explanation of this project + spoiler-free links to previous seasons here. Check out the introduction to this series from early April for full context. As a reminder, we simulate every game in this series and only control the recruiting and coaching strategies.

Before we pick up with the Leathernecks at the start of Year 29, here’s a recap of everything that happened last season:

The Leathernecks returned four starters from an Elite Eight team the previous year. We were unranked in the preseason polls but started the new campaign rated as a 97 overall.

We had an impressive non-conference season, but lost another game during Summit League play, our third conference loss in the last two years after a long undefeated streak. After winning the conference tournament, we were given a No. 7 seed heading into March Madness.

We beat Michigan in the first round, defeated Xavier in the second round, beat Duke in the Sweet 16, defeated Indiana in the Elite Eight, beat Ole Miss in the Final Four, and took out Clemson in the national championship game to win our seventh national championship in program history.

We recruited for three scholarships and landed two players: No. 9 center prospect Vinnie Harmon and No. 92 overall small forward Spanky Fanning.

Here’s a look at our roster as we begin Year 29:

We only lost two players from our last year’s national championship team: superstar small forward Nic Cummings (the highest rated player in program history at 97 overall) and guard Goran Kent. Everyone else is back. While our stacked front court should again serve as the foundation of the team, I’m also excited to see what our new tandem of starting wings can do.

Let’s meet the starters:

PG Duncan Martinez, 89 overall, redshirt junior: Martinez is the highest-rated three-point shooter in program history, entering the season with a 92 rating from behind the arc. He’s not the most polished ball handler or passer, but it sure feels nice knowing we have a knockdown shooter on the perimeter. He had a solid but unspectacular debut as a starter last season, but we feel like he could be in a for a big year as a junior. Former No. 69 overall recruit out of Chicago with C potential.

SG Sammy Yan, 89 overall, true junior: Yan is the highest rated recruit in program history as the former No. 10 prospect in his class, but he’s been decidedly average in his first two years coming off the bench. Let’s see if he’s more comfortable in the starting lineup. Yan is an elite finisher, a mediocre three-point shooter, a great defensive rebounder, and a solid ball handler and passer. He’ll have to prove himself come tournament time. Bay Area native with B- potential.

SF Warren Schultz, 88 overall, redshirt junior: I’m super excited about Schultz finally getting an opportunity to be a starter as a junior. Coming off a strong tournament run as a reserve, Schultz gives us a 6’9 wing with elite shooting ability (89 three-point rating). He’s also one of the best dunkers we’ve ever had with a 95 rating. Former No. 107 overall recruit from Jacksonville with C potential.

PF C.J. Cesar, 93 overall, redshirt senior: Cesar dominated the paint on both ends of the floor during our run to the national championship last season. A converted center, Cesar doesn’t give us much shooting at the four but he’s as reliable as they came as a rebounder, interior scorer, and shot blocker. He can out-muscle pretty much any opponent with a 95 rating in strength. Former No. 9 center recruit out of Cincinnati with B- potential. Projected lottery pick pick.

C Elvin King, 90 overall, true junior: Both King and senior Daron Coulter are starting the year at 90 overall, which is a great problem to have. We’re going with King as the starter for two reasons: a) he has a higher potential rating (B grade) and will likely end the season as the superior player, b) Coulter has greater positional versatility because of his impressive outside shooting, which makes him more valuable off the bench. King was the former No. 2 center recruit in the country and was super impressive in last year’s tournament run. Feels like he could be an all-timer with a big season. Projected top pick in the draft.

We’re bringing the 7’3 Coulter off the bench as sixth man, where he’ll be flanked by three redshirt freshmen: power forward Mitch Hunter, Kiwi shooting guard Dave French, and 5’10 point guard Rashaun Diggs. Center Thom Towe, who might be the most impressive redshirt freshman of the bunch, will only play mop up duty on the bench just because we already have so much front court depth.

We are also redshirting both of our true freshmen. Center Vinnie Harmon and small forward Spanky Fanning — yes, that’s his real name — are each rated as a 74 overall with B- potential.

Recruiting

We have three scholarships to recruit for this season. We want two guards and a power forward. We decide to offer the following players:

SG Rodrigo Milton, No. 42 overall and No. 13 at his position

PG Deon Bro, No. 39 overall and No. 19 at his position

PF Kody Douby, No. 56 overall and No. 3 at his position

Are we swinging for the fences a little bit? Yeah, but if we land even one of them it should be a dope class because there are some quality backup options on the board.

We also have a character to create from the winner of our bracket contest, reader Tim. Here’s what he hit me with:

Ay yo Coach, long time reader, first time Bracket Challenge Winner.

This game loves bigs, and the world needs DEKE VAN JR. now more than ever.

How about 7’ tall to honor our 7th Title? A Center like his father. And his father’s father (probably).

Seattle, WA after his pops lead the new SuperSonics to a few titles.

Those who have been following the series since the beginning will remember Deke Van as the senior leader on our first ever national title team in Year 8. This is everything I ever wanted out of a created character.

We’re ranked No. 10 in the preseason polls to begin the new year. Let’s go!

Regular season

This ended up as our strongest regular season in a long time. We stayed in the top-25 for the majority of the year and only had three losses before conference play. We lost a rivalry game to Illinois, fell to a Stanford team that was ranked No. 3 in the polls at the time, and lost to unranked Arizona.

Other than that, we cleaned up. Our best wins were beating No. 4 UCLA and winning a rivalry game against DePaul. If we can go undefeated in Summit season again and win the conference tournament, we’re likely going to get a great seed.

Summit League play

Can we go 18-0 in league play? Yes we can.

Along the way, I pick up career win No. 800. That earns us our first coaching point in like 15 years. We’re entering the Summit League tournament at 24-3 overall, ranked No. 23 in the polls. Can we add three more wins in the Summit League tournament to lock in the automatic bid?

Yes we can. We’re going to the NCAA tournament once again at 27-3 overall. Outstanding year so far. Before we sim to Selection Sunday, let’s check out the end of season stats:

The decision to start King could not have gone any better. He joins an elite group of ‘Necks to have 20 points per game, and he did it in only his third year on campus. As far as pure talents go, he’s clearly the best on the team and might be one of our best ever. I also love how Coulter gravitated towards his sixth man role to finish second on the team in scoring. I really thought Schultz and Martinez would level up this year, which didn’t really happen.

Good thing we all know legends are made in March.

How did recruiting go?

We targeted three top-60 prospects during the in-season recruiting period. Guess what? We didn’t land any of them. Fortunately, we are poised to land one prospect on the first day of the spring signing period:

SG 6’5 Scott Doornekamp, No. 111 overall and No. 22 at his position

We also have offers out to 6’5 point guard Randolph Pompey (rated No. 138 overall) and 6’7 power forward Ernesto Mack (No. 104 overall, No. 8 at his position). We’ll have to outlast high-major programs to get either of them after this season ends.

We also have some news on our created recruit for the year, Deke Van Jr.

The Deke legacy continues at South Florida. We’re super excited to see how he develops. As always, we create a recruit every year for the winner of the bracket contest, but don’t offer them at Western Illinois to maintain the integrity of the sim.

Time for Selection Sunday. What seed will we end up with?

2036 NCAA tournament

We enter the tournament as a No. 7 seed. Our opponent in the first round is No. 10 Arizona State. The Sun Devils are rated as a 94 overall. We’re rated as a 100 overall.

Here’s a look at our roster heading into the tournament:

This team is going to have to win in the front court. King, Cesar, and Coulter are all true centers with elite size/strength combinations that should be a matchup nightmare for whoever we play. I’d love to see Yan finally live up to his recruiting ranking. This is also a huge opportunity for Schultz and Martinez to join the pantheon of the great Leathernecks at their position.

The start of our tournament run is here. As a reminder, we’re watching a simulated game — I’m not controlling the Leathernecks.

Let’s go!

***

***

***

***

***

***

Win, 97-70. Blew ‘em out to start the second half and it was a wrap from there.

Really promising start to this tournament run from Schultz. We love a big wing who can shoot and Schultz — at 6’9, 228 pounds — certainly fits the bill. He’s a pure shooter who has all the tools to go on a Wilky Henry-like run through March.

I also like what Rashaun Diggs showed on the bench. He’s so tiny at 5’10 and like 160 pounds, but he’s tracking to be one of the better shooters we’ve had. Good to see him knock down a couple triples.

The win sets up a matchup with No. 2 seed BYU in the round of 32

BYU is rated as a 94 overall. This is a talented roster that could give us some trouble.

A Sweet 16 berth is on the line. Let’s go!

***

***

***

***

***

***

Win, 84-77! We’re going to the Sweet 16!

Oh my, that was close. BYU had the lead with under seven minutes left in the second half when I decided to make some manual subs. We went with the jumbo package: King at center, Cesar at the four, and 7’3 marksman Daron Coulter at small forward. It paid off in a big way:

Coulter added another bucket late to finish with 11 points. King added 17 points and 13 rebounds for good measure. Our front court is coming to play right now. I also love what I saw out of our redshirt junior point guard Duncan Martinez, who finished with 17 points, seven assists, and four steals. He’s more of a bucket getter than a pure point, but we’ll take all the buckets we can get right now.

The win sets up a matchup with Seton Hall in the Sweet 16

We’re in the Sweet 16. Can this charmed tournament run continue?

Win, 118-78! We ran them off the floor from the opening tip. We had a 23 point lead going into halftime and kept running up the score from there.

We’re onto the Elite Eight!

The win sets up a game against Xavier in the Elite Eight

Xavier has been a powerhouse throughout this sim. We’ve seen them so many times in big games. Add another one to the list.

Final Four trip on the line. Let’s go!

Win, 105-92. Now back in the Final Four!

Great balance throughout the starting lineup in this one. The redshirt juniors Martinez and Schultz carried us from the perimeter, each scoring 21 points. How about the redshirt freshmen Mitch Hunter (6’9 power forward) and Dave French (6’4 two guard) each hitting double-figures in scoring off the bench? We were in control pretty much the entire way.

I never thought we’d be back on college basketball’s biggest stage after losing a superstar like Nic Cummings to graduation, but here we are.

Western Illinois vs. West Virginia, Final Four, 2036 NCAA tournament

The Mountaineers are rated as a 99 overall. They’re the highest rated team we’ve faced on this tournament run so far. WVU is a No. 2 seed, we’re a No. 7 seed.

National championship No. 8 is within sight, but we need a win this game to have a chance at it. Let’s go!

***

***

***

***

***

***

Loss, 112-110 in overtime. I think that’s the wildest game in program history.

We were down 10 points with 10 minutes left. We were down 16 points with just over six minutes left. We were down 20 with 3:45 left! That’s when we turned up the defensive pressure and started getting steal after steal to stake our comeback.

Things started getting real weird once the clock ticked under two minutes. Just watch this sequence:

Halfcourt alley-oop and-one followed immediately by a steal for a bucket? I was shaking. We still had some work to do to send this one to overtime.

It happened on the weirdest play possible.

“WHAT!!!!!!” — me watching that live. Holy cow, still can’t believe that happened.

West Virginia would miss a shot at the end of regulation and we headed to OT. After an ending like that, we have to win, right? Obviously not. WVU cut through our defense like it wasn’t even there, and we couldn’t hit enough shots to keep up.

What a game, and what a way to lose. 20-point comeback in three and half minutes and we still drop it in overtime. Ugh.

The dream of another national title is deferred to next year. Let’s get to the offseason.

Offseason

West Virginia wins the national championship over Wisconsin

Elvin King wins conference player of the year

King leaves for the draft as a true junior. He’s the third player in program history to stay only three years. Coulter and Cesar also got drafted. Our front court is going to look totally different next year.

We put our coaching point into discipline, which is now a B+. Just please don’t call me Ricky Discipline.

We lose an assistant coach, and replace him with someone with an A teaching rating, B scouting rating, and C ratings in offense and defense.

I get offered a bunch of jobs at bigger schools and turn them down.

Recruiting

Doornekamp commits on day one. He didn’t play AAU so we don’t have much data on him, but he’s a 6’5 shooting guard ranked No. 111 overall. I’m thinking he’ll be able to play both wing spots and (hopefully) give us more shooting true freshman Spanky Fanning provides.

Two more scholarships left to recruit for. We’ve had offers out to Ernesto Mack and Randolph Pompey. We end up landing them both:

Pompey (No. 134 overall) enters the program as a 6’5 point guard, but should have the size to play all three perimeter positions if he grows another inch or two while he’s in school. I’m also hoping for a growth spurt out of the 6’7 Mack (No. 104 overall), who showed nice shot-blocking ability and is ranked No. 8 at his position.

Solid three-man class. Probably not a superstar in the mix, but each should be a foundational piece for us moving forward.

Now it’s time to set our schedule for next year.

This is what we’re going with:

Vs. Northwestern, @ Notre Dame, @ DePaul, Great Alaskan Shootout, vs. Valpo, vs. UIC, @ Washington State, @ South Florida, @ Marquette

Year 30

Here’s a first look at our roster:

One thing you’ll notice about this roster: we swapped the position of our guards. Martinez is moving from point to shooting guard, where he goes up two points to 96 overall. The program record for overall rating is Nic Cummings at 97 overall — will D-Mart match it or surpass in-season? We’re moving Yan to the point in his place because we think it’s a better fit for his skillset despite lowering his overall rating two points. Yan is a really solid ball handler and passer, and has never been a takeover scorer. We’re thinking Martinez will get more scoring opportunities on the wing.

Here’s where our true freshmen came in:

SG Scott Doorenkamp: 77 overall with C+ potential

PF Ernesto Mack, 76 overall with C potential

PG Randolph Pompey, 76 overall with D potential

All three players have already grown an inch. Doornekamp and Pompey are now 6’6 while Mack is 6’8.

The next stream will be Monday, Jan. 11 at 8 p.m. ET on Twitch. For email updates to this series, subscribe here.

[sirchrisjaxon]

How Our Standard for “Bad” Rappers Has Changed

I remember when I was a kid, I thought Lil Wayne was trash. Many traditionalists thought of him as the death of good rap. His commercial success was seen as a bastardization of the style that rappers like Jay-Z and Eminem created before him. His voice was annoying, his subject matter was crude, and he used the forbidden tool: autotune. But the youth is always on the right side of history, and they embraced the new wave he was creating. Now, he is one of the most successful artists of all time. He kickstarted the careers of Drake, Nicki Minaj, 2 Chainz, and more. His prolific work ethic has influenced rappers like Future, Young Thug, and Gucci Mane. His use of autotune has made it a staple in most commercial hip-hop we hear today. I will never call Lil Wayne one of the best rappers, but I will always defend him as being one of the most important. Today, if anyone says that Lil Wayne is wack, they just sound like a fool. Since his rise, there have been so many rappers so much worse than him that have received the same amount of hype and success that he did (although they might not have lasted as long). I don’t think that every generation of rap is getting worse, but I do think that each generation of consumers if lowering the standard of what it takes to be successful as a rapper. But maybe I’m being unfair. Maybe Lil Pump really is as legitimate as J. Cole. and even though nobody can argue that he is as good of a lyricist as Cole, most people don’t care. 

I think this phenomenon is most obvious when looking at the history of the XXL Magazine Freshman Class. Now, I don’t think anyone should expect XXL to choose the best rappers from each year. Instead, they choose the hottest rappers of the last year, and it’s pretty objective. When looking at all of the Freshman covers, there is a very gradual trend of “wacker” MCs being chosen each year. Of course, there are great and trash rappers each year, but the proportion of good to bad becomes more offset on each cover. I’m sure a lot of old heads in 2009 cringed when they saw Asher Roth on the same cover as Wale and Curren$y. People probably laughed in 2011 when Lil B was with Kendrick Lamar and Yelawolf. Same with Iggy Azalea, Chief Keef, and Fetty Wap in their respective years. Then 2016′s cover came out, and there was outrage. “Lil Yachty? Lil Uzi Vert? Desiigner? Kodak Black?? 21 Savage??? How the fuck are you going to put these dudes on the same page as Dave East?” I would imagine many people exclaimed as they slammed their canes on the ground and tore the grey beards off their face. Look, lyrically speaking, Lil B is pretty bad. But if you look back to his cypher, he is LIGHTYEARS ahead of most of the rappers on the 2016 list. But as per usual, XXL was right. All of the “bad” rappers from that year had proven to be the most successful rappers of the next year. I predict the same will be true for this year’s class, with rappers like  Playboi Carti, Ugly God, and MadeinTYO having the most impact this year. But if this is anyone’s fault, it is ours, not XXL’s.

Like Lil Wayne, a lot of people hated these “mumble rappers” at first. But artists like Future, Migos, Lil Yachty, and Young Thug are dominating the scene, and are giving way to more and more rappers who (for the most part) don’t really have anything meaningful to say. Even Iggy Azalea had a message (sometimes) and had a flow of a traditional rapper. Now we have lyrics like this, courtesy of Lil Pump:

“100 on my wrist, 80 on my wrist (what?) 100 on my wrist, 80 on my wrist (brr) 100 on my wrist, 80 on my wrist (ooh) 100 on my wrist, 80 on my wrist D Rose, D Rose, D Rose, D Rose D Rose, D Rose, D Rose, D Rose D Rose, D Rose, D Rose, D Rose D Rose, D Rose, D Rose, D Rose”

Wow, what a chorus. Just looking at this, you would think this song is terrible, but it’s pretty lit. And THAT is what is becoming more and more important today. The younger generation does not seem to have as much interest in listening to songs about the struggles of life. They want feel-good, drug-induced party music, which is where these new artists thrive. To be totally fair, Most of these “bad” rappers of today are not making the radio like Lil Wayne and Iggy did. That is a platform still mostly-dominated by great lyricists like Kendrick Lamar and Big Sean. But more of them are making their way into the airways than usual. After reading this, you probably think I don’t like this change. But I really just find it interesting. I listened to Lil Yachty’s “Lil Boat” mixtape almost every day last summer. I knew he wasn’t a great lyricist, but he has had so much influence on me as an artist melodically and production-wise. I would say Eminem is my favorite rapper, but I listen to Yachty and Uzi way more. Why? Because it’s modern and more relatable to my generation. Part of the reason why Eminem was so successful at his time (besides simply being the best) was the amount he created around himself. But the same things about him that the older generation hated were the parts the kids related to the most. But the difference still remains: Eminem is a far superior lyricist to any of the “bad” rappers that I mentioned. I don’t really know why this change is happening, and I certainly don’t want to assume that kids simply don’t want to think that hard. But like the trash rappers before them, I predict they will prove to be on the right side of hip-hop history. 

My last note on this change is that most of these new mumble rappers are blowing up way earlier in their career than generations before them. While rappers like 50 cent had to put out a ton of mixtapes before he got famous, a lot of these rappers are going viral from a couple of songs at the age of 17. Perhaps the poor lyrical skill of these rappers is in part because they have not had any time to develop themselves. Maybe in 2023 Lil Pump will be the new Logic. Only time will tell. 

EDIT: Which brings me to the biggest question of all (thanks to my friend Tyler Goss for helping with this thought) and that is WILL THEY LAST? It’s safe to say that the old heads have pretty much given up on expecting these rappers to be able to freestyle (except XXL, but thats more for the sake of tradition) so there is no one really trying to weed them out. In addition, all these mumble rappers have highly dedicated fans, most of which are the same age as them. These artists make it extremely easy to stay this dedicated because they release music so often and are so involved on social media that it is hard to forget about them, a method taken from Drake. However, what will happen when these fans grow up? Like I said, these rappers may mature into deeper lyricism and a wider subject matter as time goes on, but what if they don’t? 30 year old rap fans (hopefully) are not going to have much interest  in “YEAH I got that ice on my wrist! YEAH I got your bitch on my dick!”. And the newer generation might still be into that, however at that point the artist will be too old for them to really relate to. I think that the best thing that these rappers can do is to grow up WITH their current fans. Trying to act younger than you are (*cough* Jamie Foxx) doesn’t really go well, but showing your fans that you are in the same place in life as them is what keeps them fucking with you. I have no idea if this is the answer, but I know that these rappers are at least living the dream right now.

Check out my ranking of this year’s XXL Freshman Cyphers http://sir-chris-jaxon.tumblr.com/post/162986681526/every-2017-xxl-freshman-cypher-ranked

[chucklestheechidona]

Red Dwarf: Skipper [Spoilers]

Big spoilers, so don’t read too much into this if you haven’t watched it yet.

Have a picture of Dave, a man so popular on Earth they named a T.V. channel after him.

Spoiler territory, you were warned.

So, Rimmer goes skipping across different dimensions to find a place where he’s not so much of a loser.

Something that Red Dwarf has done since Ace Rimmer and hinted at before is that every action you do, a new reality is made for the action you didn’t, which Rimmer finds out when Ace lands in his life, the same person who went through more hardships and came out on top, a decorated member of the Space Corps who is respected and liked.

This episode plays with that, and as Rimmer goes dimension skipping (after an amazing first half with the machine going wrong on ship) he finds himself in realities that could have been.

One of them is (If you complain after all the warnings I’ll complain back) a Red Dwarf where the crew are all older, Rimmer is still dead (Macintire I assume didn’t die or light bee fizzled out I suppose in this one) and Lister is locked in stasis. This brings us back Holly. After all these years, after not being in the show for this long, the audience cheer went on for easily 5-10 minutes according to Craig. That wasn’t the bit that got me though.

Hollister being back, that was close, but fucking hell, he’s aged pretty well. I’ll forgive him for being cowardly, this is after all an alternate dimension Hollister, although it’s not hard to imagine a Hollister who got old and comfortable and suddenly didn’t want to die at all feasible. It was nice to see him though, and he played it well.

Anyway, the radiation leak happens anyway and Rimmer legs it.

Rimmer carries on jumping through weird and wonderful dimensions where it goes from being horror filled to Lister and The Rat, which a lot of people think is over the top, but I think that’s what they were going for.

Rimmer finds himself a posh Lister who is as boring as he is, and is still lower than him in ranking to get that superiority going, and suddenly there’s a huge fucking rat who’s loud and insufferable and there’s thousands of them and they like to snuggle. Sod’s law eh Arnold.

Anyway, here’s the bit that gets me, it’s why I started writing this.

Rimmer finds himself in a reality where he’s alive. Where he’s an officer. He has a wife, kids, his dream upon Red Dwarf has been fulfilled.

He’s called into the Captain’s office which is a perfect recreation of Hollister’s office from the first damn episode, which sent chills up my spine.

Anyway, Lister is the Captain, and in this universe, a sleazeball without many morals. He spotted the faulty drive plate in this reality and as such became promoted and kept on doing so. Instead of having a dream of getting with Krissy and moving to Fiji, this Lister bought shares in the company just before Red Dwarf hit it big, and lived a sleazy rich captain’s life, marrying a stripper with a similar name (Kris for Crystal) and drinking and eating all day.

[Redacted: A picture of Lister’s moustache: Just in case someone was scrolling through. Everyone knew of Holly anyway thanks to trailers]

Craig Charles with a moustache, ladies and gentlemen.

It’s obvious from here on that Rimmer won’t be staying, he can’t have this Lister be better than him, however Lister tells Rimmer he’ll take him to his quarters, and this fucking part.

The walk to the room has episode 1 style drum bangs, it’s all grey, it’s proper walled unlike the previous scene where they just greyed up the red walls before, and IT’S THE ORIGINAL BUNKROOM.

From 1989, it was fucking back.

Rimmer and Lister in their series 1 clothes, looking around the room of a series 1 set. 

I used to watch this show on vhs when I was a kid, and I always loved this room. It was the goddamn classic. 

You know when you hear people going “Oh, it’s the first Doctor’s tardis!” like that isn’t being milked for all it’s worth these days, it’s the goddamn original set that launched the most important sitcom I’ve ever watched. 

It was recreated beautifully.

There was a huge cheer when Holly was back, Hollister got a big one when they saw him, with the bunkroom, the audience just took on a state of awe and you can audibly hear it when the original set pans into view.

If you ignore the fact that Rimmer and Lister are aged, you could have mistook it for series 1.

Going back to the Series XII set after was kind of depressing in all actuality.

Either way, I enjoyed the episode. This episode might have just been nods to the past, but I think series XII with the exception of TimeWave can stand on it’s own with the best of them.

I hope to god it gets some more seasons though. It might have stumbled on Series X a bit. It might have walked off the line a few times on XI. It might have fucking died for 30 minutes on TimeWave. But Dave and Doug have it it’s stride.

Let the goddamn slime come home.

[magzoso-tech]

New Post has been published on https://magzoso.com/tech/building-success-insights-from-7-leading-saas-companies/

Building Success: Insights from 7 Leading SaaS Companies

SaaS businesses feature all sorts of advantages and unique hurdles. What separates the winners form the losers?

November 21, 2019 5 min read

Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

Software as a Service (SaaS) is vital to the way that countless modern businesses operate. In fact, predictions indicate that by 2020, 73 percent of enterprises will run almost entirely on SaaS. So, what is SaaS? It’s a business model in which providers host software online and customers pay to access it. The software is accessed on a subscription basis using cloud computing. Customers benefit from device and location independence, fast access to functionality, lower costs and ease of use. SaaS comes in many forms, including customer Relationship Management (CRM); email and collaboration services; sales management; document management; and editing and creation software.

The SaaS industry’s prevalence has been skyrocketing since the 1960s, and behind this impressive success lies the ongoing hard work of a dazzling range of companies, from Google to Zendesk. Game-changers like this boast diverse cultures, strategies and values that have contributed to their achievements. This article is going to examine seven SaaS trailblazers and investigate what gives them that unique edge.

Related: How SaaS Is Changing the Way We Work

Slack

Slack is a cloud-based instant messaging platform, and so much more. With the ability to send and store files, make video calls and create organized work channels, this SaaS company has revolutionized many a startup. Their secret to success? Fiendishly good design. Many users find themselves addicted to Slack, genuinely enjoying using the software on a daily basis. Instead of operating as a traditional enterprise chat tool, Slack aims to be a robot sidekick, helping customers through their day. And it works. Slack has more than 10 million users and only continues to grow. The secret to success is all about the product; create a well-designed software, and you’ll have a service that people truly want to pay for.

Google

Google offers 137 different SaaS products. This ranges from productivity software like Google Docs to advertising tools such as Google Adwords. With an estimated net worth of $300 billion, they’re certainly a source worth taking notes from. Google’s standout quality is innovation. This is a key element of the company’s mission. For many people, a world without autocomplete search results, targeted advertising and ranked content is unimaginable. However, these innovations were first pioneered by Google. Innovation means staying ahead of the curve, taking risks and thinking in ways that aren’t just out of the box, but straight out of the future.

Zendesk

This CRM tool offers users the ability to create and track tickets while also managing billing, shipping and customer data. For Zendesk, creativity is key when it comes to business achievement. They don’t just expect creativity from their marketing teams, either. Engineers are seen as builders, creators and free thinkers. Zendesk aims to give them the freedom to work on what they think is best. This has allowed the engineers to create a huge variety of unprecedented products and apps for clients, ranging from agents to managers and end customers. 

Shopify

Shopify is an ecommerce solution company that allows users to start, grow and manage their own online store. Everything from products and inventory to payment and shipping can be managed via Shopify’s software. They’re the third-most visited website in the world.

An element of Shopify’s business that works incredibly well is its multi-channel content. This ensures Shopify sites receive millions of views each month. Dominating in your chosen area of expertise means creating deliverables and resources that generate real engagement. This leads to a high-ranking site on Google. Real, accessible, relevant content for your customers is key.

SurveyMonkey

Offering access to superior survey design and management, SurveyMonkey is likely behind a significant number of any surveys you’ve taken recently. SurveyMonkey experiences 17 percent annual revenue growth and works on a freemium business model.

Former SurveyMonkey CEO Dave Goldberg offered a variety of tips for success. Most striking is that a company absolutely must have vision. It’s vital to have a roadmap of your strategy and mission. He stated, “Figure out why you’re doing what you’re doing and why it’s important, and then sell everyone on that deep belief.” Outstanding business achievements are based on planned actions and clear vision.

Microsoft

Microsoft has remained ahead of the curve by innovating and moving its desktop productivity suites to the cloud. Their Office 365 package is accessible as a service online and by download via online subscription. The Microsoft SaaS business is hugely successful, growing at around 45 percent a year.  

Adapting to change in novel ways is a key ingredient to Microsoft’s success. Faced with competitors like Apple, Microsoft made its products and service offerings available on their own competitors’s devices. Instead of trying to dominate one market, Microsoft ensured that it had a steady foothold in multiple. Sometimes the smartest strategy is not the most obvious one.

Adobe

Adobe was not always a SaaS provider. A traditional software retailer, they recognized that the rapidly transforming software landscape required them to change in order to stay relevant. So, the company transformed in 2012. Adobe has now migrated to subscription-based SaaS plans that allow users to access their services via Adobe Creative Cloud. What is Adobe’s key ingredient for success? Conducting data-driven ROI analysis in every vertical, rationalizing paths to market and strategy. 

Related: 7 Rising SaaS Startups Delivering Stellar Content

Overall, success is the product of intelligent leadership, skillful teams and solid vision. There’s much to learn from the SaaS industry. Keeping a close eye on the companies at the top of the pile will help any SaaS startup evolve with the ever-shifting landscape. 

[hotelcookieguy]

The following article was written by the Campbell County Economic Development Department and is currently featured in “Campbell County Works” website which highlights local businesses that make an impact on our community.  

Local Comfort Inn and Suites Recognized for Outstanding Service; Wins 3rd Consecutive Platinum Award 2017 – 2019 

In speaking with Brian Knopp of COMFORT INN & SUITES (located on Route 29 in Campbell County near Lynchburg Airport), it is soon apparent that hospitality services to him and his staff embodies more than managing a hotel – it is an expression of their passion to care for others and a dedication to making each guest feel like family.

“We take the time to get to know our guests personally,” said Knopp. “Our brand says ‘comfort’, but it’s more than that. It’s sincerely caring for each guest and going above and beyond to make that connection with them.”

Serving in tourism and the hospitality industry for decades, Knopp approaches hotel management from the perspective of supportive leadership, humble service as well as seeking and developing the natural gifts and talents of his team. Their collective efforts have secured the Comfort Inn & Suites the prestigious “2019 Platinum Award” from Choice Hotels International, Inc., (NYSE: CHH), franchisor of the Comfort brand. The “Platinum Award” designation goes only to the top hotels within the brand and the Comfort Inn & Suites – Lynchburg is the only hotel in Virginia to be recognized with this honor.

“This is a tremendous accomplishment for us and is a tribute to our staff,” said Dave and Susan Francis, owners of the Comfort Inn & Suites. “As one of the top-tier properties operating under the Comfort Inn flag, the hotel’s staff has demonstrated an exceptional focus on guest satisfaction and dedication to superior service.”

This is the third consecutive year that the Comfort Inn & Suites has received this honor. In addition, the hotel has been ranked as the #1 Hotel in Lynchburg (out of 25 hotels) on TripAdvisor, the world’s leading travel site, receiving the “TripAdvisor Certificate of Excellence”. The hotel was also recently recognized as the “Best Hotel in Virginia under $200” by msn.com.

“We focus continually on the three C’s – Caring, Cleanliness, and Comfort, – these are at the core of our success,” said Knopp. “Even beyond those fundamentals, we also have a strong desire to support our community and our fellow co-workers.” The Comfort Inn and Suites team dedicated their time and efforts toward honoring veterans, recognizing local law enforcement with a Waffle Day breakfast, and assisting with veterinary care and safe relocation of animals stranded along the Route 29 corridor. “It’s about being a part of this community and helping others that really sets us apart.”

Even with a positive leadership philosophy and a focused customer-service approach, the hospitality industry, like any other, faces challenges and changing trends. “There is always a need for workers trained in hospitality services,” said Knopp. “We have a great team, but it’s always hard to replace good staff when they move on to other opportunities. We also have a lot of local competition for staffing as well as seasonal occupancy.” Knopp encourages those entering the workforce to consider community college programs in hospitality as a good place to start.

“There’s tremendous job satisfaction in making others feels at home in our community. We’re proud to offer that experience and make it the best it can possibly be for our guests and employees.”

For more information on the COMFORT INN & SUITES in Lynchburg, Virginia please visit www.comfortiscariing.com

  THE COMFORT OF HOME The following article was written by the Campbell County Economic Development Department and is currently featured in…

[junker-town]

LSU ends UCF’s winning streak in the Narratives, er, Fiesta Bowl

In a game loaded with Group of 5 vs. Power 5 story lines, the banged-up Tigers were too much for UCF and its backup QB.

Sometimes you just run out of magic tricks. Two years after UCF’s last loss, and in a Fiesta Bowl more noteworthy for who wasn’t playing as for who was, the Knights finally got a taste of defeat, falling 40-32 to LSU in a testy game.

UCF lost star quarterback McKenzie Milton to a severe leg injury in the Knights’ regular season finale against USF, but they kept chugging along, putting away their rivals, and then — after spotting Memphis a 17-point lead in the AAC title game — going on a 35-3 run to extend their winning streak to 25 games and qualify for another New Year’s Six bowl.

Freshman Darriel Mack Jr., Milton’s replacement, was able to put up big numbers against Memphis, but facing LSU ended up too tall a task.

By the second quarter of the Fiesta Bowl, LSU was missing basically its entire regular defensive backfield due to injury, planned absence, and a couple of targeting penalties. But the Tigers, who ranked 14th in Def. S&P+ in the regular season, still had a prepared coordinator in Dave Aranda, and their defensive front (also missing some players) overwhelmed UCF in a way that Auburn’s couldn’t in last year’s Peach Bowl.

The result: UCF gained only 250 total yards, its lowest total since 2016, and LSU put up 555. The Tigers’ offense came ready for a shootout — Joe Burrow passed for a career-high 394 yards and four touchdowns — but unlike most of the last two seasons, UCF couldn’t keep up.

Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

LSU head coach Ed Orgeron

Winning streaks always end, but despite getting dominated statistically, UCF didn’t go down without a fight.

The Knights gave themselves a shot with a gorgeous touchdown pass from Mack to Gabriel Davis late in the first half, and Davis dropped another sure score in the third quarter that would have made it a three-point game.

Because of pressure, Mack didn’t have enough time to consistently punish LSU’s patchwork secondary, but even with a 2-to-1 yardage disadvantage, UCF scored with 2:24 left to make it a 40-32 game. They came within inches of recovering a gorgeous onside kick as well.

In the end, the superior team won. Of that, there was no doubt. LSU had too much for the Knights up front, and LSU receivers had a field day with UCF’s secondary. UCF might have pulled out a win with Milton playing, sure, but LSU would have likely dominated even further had its actual starting defense been available.

This game was a Narratives Bowl of sorts.

UCF has spent the last 12 months yelling about an unfair playoff system, going so far as to claim a share of last year’s national title after not getting a CFP invitation. And let’s be honest: if winning 25 games in a row — including a 2017 win over an Auburn team that had beaten both Alabama and Georgia, plus a 31-point win over 2018 ACC coastal champion Pitt — doesn’t get you anywhere close to the College Football Playoff, the system probably does need to be tweaked (or in this case, expanded) a bit.

Still, with a chance to further prove themselves equal to a meaty, athletic SEC foe, the Knights fell short, at least briefly proving naysayers right about their worthiness.

And to say the least, when you yell as loudly and as frequently as UCF and its fans have over the last year, folks are going to enjoy it when you finally lose.

It was a matter of time for this #LSU #UCF pic.twitter.com/VGSXAlTQ0D

— Brody Miller (@BrodyAMiller) January 1, 2019

Narratives aside, though, both teams acquitted themselves well.

LSU learned about quite a few young defenders. Sophomore Patrick Queen had a pair of tackles for loss to complement junior end Rashard Lawrence’s huge day, and safety JaCoby Stevens, asked to take on a huge role, had 7.5 tackles, a half-sack, and the game-sealing interception.

The Tigers also built a little bit of confidence for Burrow and a receiving corps that struggled with inconsistency in 2018. Freshman Ja’Marr Chase caught six balls for 93 yards and a touchdown, sophomore Justin Jefferson had four for 87 and two scores, and juniors Stephen Sullivan and Derrick Dillon each had catches of 40-plus yards.

LSU boasted the athleticism advantage they should have had against a team with talent but obvious recruiting disadvantages, and now they have a 10th win for 2018 as well.

UCF, meanwhile, held LSU backs Nick Brossette and Clyde Edwards-Helaire to just 3.8 yards per carry and forced quarterback Joe Burrow to beat them with his arm, and Burrow obliged. LSU consistently harassed Mack, sacking him five times in 35 pass attempts, but Mack kept his head and made plays late in both halves to keep the Knights within shouting distance.

Mack’s poise and UCF’s obvious team speed suggest that UCF will likely remain the class of the AAC (and therefore one of the favorites for another NY6 bid) in 2019, even if or when Milton redshirts to further recover. Meaning we could have a whole new batch of narratives later on.

[soyoureviewhiphoptoo]

Discography Power Ranking: 2Pac

Simply put, Tupac Amaru Shakur is an icon. In a career lasting just nine years, 2Pac was able to become one of the most influential and most loved men, not just in the world of hip-hop but in the world period. The man made such an impact that people jump whenever his name is mentioned, prompting conspiracy theories that he is still alive in a Cuban bunker, Performances at festivals that were not around during his lifetime or appearing on songs with people he had never met.  

From a backup dancer in the Hip-Hop group, Digital Underground, all the way to going selling millions of records as a part of Death Row Records, 2Pac was able to amass one of the strongest discographies in the industry. But how do they rank in my books?

The difference a few years can make...

I will rank his five solo studio albums, worst to best (That’s right, only the five albums released with his creative input and not with the collaborative efforts of the groups Thug Life or The Outlawz, not five posthumous studio albums or the fourteen posthumous compilation albums. Like bruh…of the projects I just mentioned, only Thug Life Volume 1 was released in his lifetime…why so many albums???). So without further ado, I am Ayo and in commemoration of 2Pac’s 46th Birthday and the release of his biopic film, this is the first Album Power Ranking.

5. Strictly 4 My N.I.G.G.A.Z... Released: February 16 1993 Label: Amaru Entertainment, Interscope Records, T.N.T Recordings Certifications: Platinum Peak Chart Position: 24 (US Billboard 200), 4 (US Top RnB/ Hip Hop Albums)

The album that has been regarded as 2Pac’s breakout album. On this album, he implements a more mainstream sound and has an all-star list of features. As well as hit songs “I Get Around” and “Keep Ya Head Up”, the album has spawned a few underrated songs in 2Pac’s discography such as “Papa’z Song”, “Last Wordz” (featuring Ice Cube and Ice T) and the titular track “Strictly 4 My N.I.G.G.A.Z...”

2Pac- I Get Around Featuring Shock G and Money-B (of Digital Underground)

There is one very strong issue with this album…the production. In my opinion, I believe this album has the worst production of the five total studio albums. The booming, over-the-top instrumentation that is present on a majority of the songs is overbearing and often overshadows the artists when they rap (which is a big no-no). Aside from their superior lyrical content, the reason why the songs I mentioned earlier were able to shine was because the production was more understated and you could actually hear the artists clearly. Also, unlike other albums on this list, the production is a victim of the times; the album ultimately sounds old and dated. If you were to try and introduce someone to Pac for the first time and you were to play songs from this album, it might switch them off completely.

While the lyrical content remains consistent with a 2Pac project, the dated production ruins the overall aesthetic of the album.

Rating: 3/5

4. 2Pacalypse Now Released: November 12, 1991 Label: Amaru Entertainment, Interscope Records, T.N.T Recordings, Jive Records Certifications: Gold Peak Chart Position: 64 (US Billboard 200), 13 (US Top RnB/ Hip Hop Albums)

This is where it all began. 2Pac’s debut album (and one of his most impactful albums imo).  It is his earliest showing of his wide scope of social commentary regarding the plight of those in America’s lower social classes (more specifically, black people) while showing his poetic delivery and his impressive story-telling abilities. It is very hard to overlook any of the songs on this album yet there are a few standout tracks such as “Brenda’s Got a Baby”, the iconic yet tragic story of the teenage Brenda, “Violent”, the story of two black males fighting back against the police and “Words of Wisdom”, a song addressing his fellow black people while discussing the issues of America and criticising the American system. (coining his famous acronym for the word nigga, “Never Ignorant, Getting Goals Accomplished)

2Pac- Brenda’s Got a Baby Featuring Dave Hollister

As much as I love this album, it is not without its flaws. With the underground hip hop style of the rapping and production, it is hard for it to have a wider reach in mass appeal. If 2Pac’s name wasn’t attached to it, could we say that would have even reached Gold, selling just over 900,000 copies? While Strictly 4 My N.I.G.G.A.Z... went over the top with the production, 2Pacalypse Now was very simple, possibly too simple; it does not have instrumentation that grips you instantly. While it could be argued that is places more focus on 2Pac’s lyrics, it does take a while to grip you.

Despite its rather understated delivery, 2Pacalypse Now was a strong debut that displays the strengths of 2Pac immediately.

Rating 4/5

3. Killuminati: The 7 Day Theory Released: November 5, 1996 Label: Amaru Entertainment, Interscope Records, T.N.T Recordings, Jive Records Certifications: 4x Platinum Peak Chart Position: 1 (US Billboard 200), 1 (US Top RnB/ Hip Hop Albums)

The first album released after 2Pac’s sudden death in late 1996, KIlluminati: The 7 Day Theory is an interesting album. For starters, while it is a posthumous release, it still counts as one of his studio albums as the lyric writing, recording, and mixing of the entire album was all completed in the first week of August 1996 (one month before the fatal drive-by shooting). The naming of the album was completely screwed up. It was supposed to be “The Don Makaveli- Killuminati: The 7 Day Theory” (according to Outlaw member E.D.I. Mean and cover artist Ronald "Riskie" Brent in an August 2014 interview) and frankly, it makes more sense than the eventual name of “The Don Killuminati”. It has the very best album cover in his discography and one of the more controversial covers in hip-hop history. It does not have a star-studded feature list or big-name producers yet Killuminati delivers one of the rawest sounds of any 2Pac record, predominantly featuring fellow members of the Outlawz and production by QD3, Hurt-M-Badd and Darryl “Big D” Harper (Fun fact, Demetrius Shipp, one of the producers on the single “Toss it up” is the father of Demetrius Shipp Jr, the actor portraying 2Pac in the biopic “All Eyez on Me”).

Contrary to previous albums, this album has a different kind of sound in his voice. With songs like “Hail Mary”, “Bomb First” and “Life of an Outlaw”, 2Pac raps with an angry passion, a true reflection of his increased paranoia of the people around him and the industry he was a part of. Songs like “Krazy” and “Hold Ya Head” switch up the style and offer the introspective and vulnerable style he had become known for however this time, he speaks in a way that shows he was ready to die and was not afraid about his fate. With songs like “Live or Die in LA” and “Toss it Up”, he tries to recapture the party feeling captured in his previous album, All Eyez On Me but it misses the mark and feels out of place for this album. 

2Pac- Hail Mary Featuring The Outlawz & Prince Ital Joe

Finally, this album has 2Pac dissing EVERYONE. Nas, Notorious B.I.G, Puff Daddy and Bad Boy Entertainment, Jay-Z, Mobb Deep, Dr. Dre, Jimmy Henchman…just to name “a few”. He completely goes off on this album, wrapping it all up in the outro diss track “Against All Odds” (which is his very best diss track. It is superior to “Hit ‘em up” in every way…don’t @ me). While it is cool to hear Pac insult everyone and spill the tea, Killuminati does not leave Pac in a good light, especially since it was released after his death. How many of us want to think about him spending a majority of his final album dissing people?

Despite the possibility of leaving a sour taste in the mouths of listeners, 2Pac rides off into the sunset in a passionate and angry blaze of glory.

Rating: 4/5

2. Me Against the World Released: March 14, 1995 Label: Out Da Gutta Records, Interscope Records, Atlantic Records Certifications: 2x Platinum Peak Chart Position: 1 (US Billboard 200), 1 (US Top RnB/ Hip Hop Albums)

Two gold singles, one platinum album, assault charges in the summer of 1993, charges for shooting off-duty police officers and sexual assault in the autumn of the same year, a subsequent sentencing of 1.5 to 4.5 years in prison, robbed and shot five times the day before this verdict is even reached…needless to say that life was a rollercoaster for the young Tupac Shakur. Despite the pitfalls, things were about to raise for Mr. Shakur. While incarcerated, his third studio album, “Me Against the World” is released to critical acclaim and huge commercial success (this would become his first album to debut at the number 1 spot and the first album to debut at number 1 while the artist was imprisoned). The idea of him losing popularity while locked up was unheard of as more people flocked to him than ever before…this album was one of the reasons.

At the time, Me Against the World was regarded as the best album he had released. While 2Pacalypse Now displayed his social consciousness and Strictly 4 My N.I.G.G.A.Z… showed his ability to generate mainstream appeal, Me Against the World was able to show one of the most important qualities a musician needs when making music; emotional vulnerability. Unlike the anger showed in Killuminati or the discontent in 2Pacalypse Now, this album is bleak. It is sad. It is sensitive. One thing to consider is that this was released at a time where rappers were portraying themselves as untouchable gangstas. This album switches that perspective, humanising these gangstas and making them more relatable to ourselves, the listeners. One song that everyone remembers from this album is “Dear Mama” and this is within good reason. One of the easiest, yet effective ways of humanising gangsta rappers, showing that despite every wrong-doing that they have done in life, they are eternally grateful for their mothers and always have their best interests at heart. Many have tried to capture the magic 2Pac created with this song but no other rap song dedicated to mothers have been able to overtake.

2Pac- Dear Mama

Mother love aside, this album shows so much more. His paranoia of the people around him is on full blast on this album, with songs such as “Death Around the Corner” and “If I Die 2nite”. With death being a constant fear in 2Pac’s mind, it is only a matter of time until depression grips him, which is evidently clear on songs like “So Many Tears” and “Lord Knows”. Even on more positive songs like “Can U Get Away” and “Old School”, he is able to show a type of vulnerability not commonly seen, with the former having him talking to a woman who he is in love with but she is already in an [abusive] relationship, trying to get her to leave while the latter shows him reminiscing over all the rappers that he looked up to growing up. With some of the very best songs 2Pac has ever created, this album is an absolute classic that deserves to be listened to.

Rating: 4.75/5

1. All Eyez On Me Released: February 13, 1996 Label: Deathrow Records, Interscope Records Certifications: Diamond (10x Platinum) Peak Chart Position: 1 (US Billboard 200), 1 (US Top RnB/ Hip Hop Albums)

After being bailed out by Suge Knight and Jimmy Iovine in October of 1995, 2Pac had become a changed man. Months spent wrongfully imprisoned and time spent studying philosophy of war and military strategy (amongst other things, no doubt) had transformed Tupac Shakur into a more dark and menacing individual. It was this new-found attitude that helped fuel something truly special.

Me Against the World is one of the greatest albums in hip hop’s history and it is one of the very best of 2Pac yet there is only one project in his discography (at least in my mind) that is better. It was released just under a year later, with a titular phrase that has become synonymous with 2Pac…” All Eyez on Me” Where Me Against the World plays highly upon the emotional vulnerability the lifestyle he lives has created, All Eyez on Me has the complete opposite effect. No longer does 2Pac live in fear or paranoia over the possible events that could happen to him but instead he lives for the present, embracing the thug culture and welcoming everything: the police, rival rappers, people who wish him ill, with open arms. Even if it was for a short time, 2Pac showed with this album that he had become fearless and frankly, it can be liberating for the listener.

All Eyez on Me is a double album consisting of fourteen tracks for Book 1 and thirteen tracks for Book 2, comprising a total of twenty-seven tracks. I am someone who is very particular about the length of a project, anything longer than an hour (so about 14-16 tracks total) begins to bug me. Yet, All Eyez on Me is one of the few projects over twenty tracks (and one of the few double disc albums to add) that is able to work through and through. Nearly everything on the album fits in so well, allowing it to play seamlessly, with very few skippable tracks (but they are there *Cough* “What’z Ya Phone #” *Cough*). But what is even better is that the two sides of the album are different enough for them to be considered as two different projects. Either way, the listening experience of the album is not compromised.

This album has that definitive 2Pac sound that is recognised the world over. If you ask someone to name a 2Pac song, there is a very strong chance that it would be on this album. Whether it is iconic songs such as “Ambitionz Az a Ridah”, “California Love”, “All Eyez on Me”, “How Do You Want It”, “I Ain’t Mad at Cha” or “2 Of Amerikaz Most Wanted” (featuring Snoop Dogg!) or even underrated tracks like “Only God Can Judge Me”, “No More Pain”, “Got My Mind Made Up” (This song has Tha Dogg Pound and Method Man and Redman featured, that’s 2 of the most iconic rap duos right there), “When We Ride” or “Picture Me Rollin’”, there is a chance you have heard it and there is a chance (at least I hope) that you enjoyed it.

2Pac- California Love (Remix) Featuring Dr. Dre & Roger Troutman

The production on this is timeless, it has some of the best sounding list of features I have ever heard on any rap album, 2Pac is able to lyrically bounce back and forth between serious topics and party lyrics and overall, he solidified himself as an icon with this project.

I believe All Eyez on Me is the very best project released by Tupac Shakur and if you’ve never heard it…go and listen…please?

Rating: 5/5

[book-picks-for-pride]

PRIDE MONTH SUPERHERO PICKS FOR YA

Superior by Jessica Lack

A superhero's intern falls in love with a supervillain's apprentice in this star-crossed LGBT YA story from The Book Smugglers.

Here's the thing about being a superhero intern: there's a lot less crime fighting than you think there will be, what with the whole liability issue and the administrative headache of constantly monitoring the Heroic Help Hotline. The most action that Jamie sees happens when he is kidnapped by the supervillain of the week--and then waits for his boss, Captain Superior, to show up and rescue him. Again.

On his most recent nabbing, Jamie gets to meet Tad, Terrorantula's new villainous apprentice. Even though they are supposed to be on opposite sides (or are they?), sparks fly almost immediately. So, when Tad offers to give Jamie much-needed self-defense classes, how could Jamie pass the opportunity to hang out with the coolest (and hottest) guy he knows?

But Tad has a secret--one that threatens the budding relationship between the two teenage sidekicks, and could destroy Captain Superior forever.

Young Avengers, Volume 1: Sidekicks(Young Avengers #1) by Allan Heinberg (Writer), Jim Cheung

In the wake of Avengers Disassembled, a mysterious new group of teen super heroes appears. But who are they? Where did they come from? And what right do they have to call themselves the Young Avengers?

Hero by Perry Moore

The last thing in the world Thom Creed wants is to add to his father's pain, so he keeps secrets. Like that he has special powers. And that he's been asked to join the League - the very organization of superheroes that spurned his dad. But the most painful secret of all is one Thom can barely face himself: he's gay.

But becoming a member of the League opens up a new world to Thom. There, he connects with a misfit group of aspiring heroes, including Scarlett, who can control fire but not her anger; Typhoid Larry, who can make anyone sick with his touch; and Ruth, a wise old broad who can see the future. Like Thom, these heroes have things to hide; but they will have to learn to trust one another when they uncover a deadly conspiracy within the League.

To survive, Thom will face challenges he never imagined. To find happiness, he'll have to come to terms with his father's past and discover the kind of hero he really wants to be.

Batwoman, Vol. 1: Hydrology (Batwoman #1) by J.H. Williams III (Writer, Illustrator), W. Haden Blackman (Writer), Amy Reeder (Illustrator), Richard Friend (Illustrator), Dave Stewart (Colourist)

A NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER

As a part of the acclaimed DC Comics—The New 52 event of September 2011, Batwoman's new series finally begins! The creative team of J.H. Williams III and W. Haden Blackman launch the ongoing Batwoman series, as Batwoman (a.ka. Kate Kane) faces deadly new challenges in her war against Gotham City's underworld–and new trials in her personal life.Who or what is stealing children from the barrio, and for what vile purpose? Will Kate train her cousin, Bette Kane (a.k.a. Flamebird), as her new sidekick? How will she handle unsettling revelations about her father, Colonel Jacob Kane? And why is a certain government agency suddenly taking an interest in her? These are some of the questions that will be answered in this long-awaited series.

Runaways Deluxe, Vol. 1 (Runaways Deluxe #1) by Brian K. Vaughan, Adrian Alphona (Illustrator), Takeshi Miyazawa(Illustrations)

In Pride & Joy, six young friends discover their parents are all secretly super-powered villains Finding strength in one another, the shocked teens run away from home and straight into the adventure of their lives - vowing to turn the tables on their evil legacy. In Teenage Wasteland, the Runaways find a kindred spirit in a daring young stranger and welcome him into their fold. But will this dashing young man help the teenagers defeat their villainous parents... or tear them apart? Plus: who do you send to catch a group of missing, runaway teenage super-heroes? Marvel's original teen runaway crimefighters, Cloak and Dagger, make their first major appearance in years In The Good Die Young, the world as we know it is about to end, and the Runaways are the only hope to prevent it Our fledgling teenage heroes have learned how their parents' criminal organization began, and now they must decide how it should end. As the Runaways' epic battle against their evil parents reaches its shocking conclusion, the team's mole stands revealed, and blood must be shed. Which kids will still be standing when the smoke finally clears? Collects Runaways (Vol.1) #1-18.

Not Your Sidekick (Sidekick Squad #1) by C.B. Lee

Welcome to Andover… where superpowers are common, but internships are complicated. Just ask high school nobody, Jessica Tran. Despite her heroic lineage, Jess is resigned to a life without superpowers and is merely looking to beef-up her college applications when she stumbles upon the perfect (paid!) internship—only it turns out to be for the town’s most heinous supervillain. On the upside, she gets to work with her longtime secret crush, Abby, who Jess thinks may have a secret of her own. Then there’s the budding attraction to her fellow intern, the mysterious “M,” who never seems to be in the same place as Abby. But what starts as a fun way to spite her superhero parents takes a sudden and dangerous turn when she uncovers a plot larger than heroes and villains altogether.

Dreadnought (Nemesis #1) by April Daniels

Danny Tozer has a problem: she just inherited the powers of Dreadnought, the world’s greatest superhero.

Until Dreadnought fell out of the sky and died right in front of her, Danny was trying to keep people from finding out she’s transgender. But before he expired, Dreadnought passed his mantle to her, and those secondhand superpowers transformed Danny’s body into what she’s always thought it should be. Now there’s no hiding that she’s a girl.

It should be the happiest time of her life, but Danny’s first weeks finally living in a body that fits her are more difficult and complicated than she could have imagined. Between her father’s dangerous obsession with “curing” her girlhood, her best friend suddenly acting like he’s entitled to date her, and her fellow superheroes arguing over her place in their ranks, Danny feels like she’s in over her head.

She doesn’t have much time to adjust. Dreadnought’s murderer—a cyborg named Utopia—still haunts the streets of New Port City, threatening destruction. If Danny can’t sort through the confusion of coming out, master her powers, and stop Utopia in time, humanity faces extinction.

Junior Hero Blues by J.K. Pendragon

Last year, Javier Medina was your average socially awkward gay high schooler with a chip on his shoulder. This year, he's . . . well, pretty much the same, but with bonus superpowers, a costume with an ab window to show off his new goods, and a secret identity as the high-flying, wise-cracking superhero Blue Spark.

But being a Junior Hero means that Javier gets all the responsibility and none of the cool gadgets. It's hard enough working for the Legion of Liberty and fighting against the evil Organization, all while trying to keep on top of schoolwork and suspicious parents. Add in a hunky boyfriend who's way out of Javier's league, and an even hunkier villain who keeps appearing every time said boyfriend mysteriously disappears, and Blue Spark is in for one big dollop of teenage angst. All while engaging in some epic superhero action and, oh yeah, an all-out battle to protect Liberty City from the forces of evil.

Welcome to the 100% true and totally unbiased account of life as a teenage superhero.

America, Vol. 1 (America (Single Issues) (2017 - ) #1–6) by Gabby Rivera (Writer), Joe Quinones (Illustrator)

At last! Everyone's favorite no-nonsense powerhouse, America Chavez, gets her own series! Critically acclaimed young-adult novelist Gabby Rivera and all-star artist Joe Quinones unite to shine a solo spotlight on America's high-octane and hard-hitting adventures! She was a Young Avenger. She leads the Ultimates. And now she officially claims her place as the preeminent butt-kicker of the entire Marvel Universe! But what's a super-powered teenager to do when she's looking for a little personal fulfi llment? She goes to college! America just has to stop an interdimensional monster or two first and shut down a pesky alien cult that's begun worshipping her exploits before work can begin. Then she can get on with her first assignment: a field trip to the front lines of World War II - with Captain America as her wingman!

Stranger (The Change #1) by Rachel Manija Brown (Goodreads Author), Sherwood Smith

Many generations ago, a mysterious cataclysm struck the world. Governments collapsed and people scattered, to rebuild where they could. A mutation, "the Change,” arose, granting some people unique powers. Though the area once called Los Angeles retains its cultural diversity, its technological marvels have faded into legend. "Las Anclas" now resembles a Wild West frontier town… where the Sheriff possesses superhuman strength, the doctor can warp time to heal his patients, and the distant ruins of an ancient city bristle with deadly crystalline trees that take their jewel-like colors from the clothes of the people they killed.

Teenage prospector Ross Juarez’s best find ever – an ancient book he doesn’t know how to read – nearly costs him his life when a bounty hunter is set on him to kill him and steal the book. Ross barely makes it to Las Anclas, bringing with him a precious artifact, a power no one has ever had before, and a whole lot of trouble.