#but clearly i dont bc i keep doing things that make me attached to things/people so i need to get over myself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pinkseas · 1 year ago

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[parasocial bestie] its ok anon's with me (a lie, but we are in this together) now i Want it too give us the agenda

KJDSGHKJHSDGSDHLKIUHG omg hiiiiii bestie hope ur having a good night <333

i am seeing this 30 minutes before i have to go to work Hopefully That Is Enough Time. okay. okay. actually im probably gonna go between copy&pasting and paraphrasing

no bc i accidentally had the thought of "how would scaramouche and diluc even interact" bc. my fave who i am insane abt & asters fave who he is insane abt and i got curious. and suddenly.

slaughtering fatui together. hunting down harbingers one by one together. not even fucking SPEAKING to each other while they're spending time together but instinctively watching each others backs (and their own, of course, but the longer it goes on and the more they get used to it the more they realize that they trust). scaramouche's back aches where the tubes were attached and dilucs hand and arm ache too and they get it they understand. scaramouche would wrap diluc's arm just enough to keep it compressed and diluc would keep a hand warm enough to feel even through the many layers on scaramouche's back and they'd pretend not to see the other flinching at every strike of lightning, relaxing with every boom of thunder.

if anyone who was rude or arrogant or had any kind of power tried to speak over them or turned their attention on them. they would both be So Fucking Disrespectful. expressions like stone and so clearly looking so far down on them, scaramouche sneers and diluc scoffs their eyes roll their arms are crossed neither of them could care less if they tried and they'd be so cold about it, they match each other's energy so well in that regard.

they wear the same frozen expression staring down at a fatui member pleading for their life. share the same silent mercy on the occasion that a child gets wrapped up in everything. feel the same all-consuming fury towards the fatui tamed and tempered only by the fact that it doesnt make either of them feel any less empty, any less cold.

scaramouche recognizes the scars. he's seen countless people lose parts of themselves, if not everything, to delusions. he doesnt say anything. doesnt know what he could say even if he wanted to. whats the point? but he remembers where delusions are being produced, and those facilities are prioritized above all else. diluc doesnt ask any questions. they both pretend not to know.

and they dont consider themselves friends. they're colleagues, maybe. they will not ever Be anything more than colleagues. even as they learn to fight together effortlessly, even as they watch out for one another as well as they do themselves, even as they become a storm that devastates so much of snezhnaya. even as they treat each other's wounds and recognize each other's scars and feel the same fury and the same coldness and the same deep, all-encompassing regret. even as they grieve. they barely talk, they dont banter, they have no inside jokes. every shared touch is one born of violence, whether in the midst of the fight or the aftermath. even as sometimes one of them gets a little Too far into their own head and the other spends god knows how much time ever so slowly coaxing them back to reality. even as they share meals and advice on all sorts of things, from dealing with the snow to how to improve the way they kill. they aren't friends. they will never be friends. but they'll be colleagues and they'll be shattered reflections of each other and they'll be bloodied, broken pieces of defenses that rise to hurt everyone around them but most of all themselves in the process. they'll recognize the light in each other's eyes and the rare softness when mentioning a certain name, will know that both of them would do anything to kill for this person but are torturously, furiously, brokenly trying so fucking hard to teach themselves how to live, instead, because that's what that person would want for them above all else.

they both agree that violence is so much easier than love.

wanderer barely speaks when he's with diluc and they head to sumeru at somepoint just because he has to or wants to check in, maybe because the fatui are trying to stir something up there again, and diluc watches the way he and nahida bicker and banter and how animated and dramatic wanderer can get when he's with someone he really loves. and another time they end up in mondstadt and kaeya visits and diluc has never been soft, never been tender, even when dressing wounds he's fast, he's efficient, neither he nor scaramouche care or flinch when it hurts. but now diluc is gentle, just barely, hidden concern laced in his tone rolling his eyes, scoffing, trying not to smile, asking questions where the true meaning is always are you okay and how are you doing and do you need me here for you. both of them outsiders witnessing the kind of care from the other that they will never know firsthand.

and at the same time, the others dont know, do they? no one can watch the other's back like they can, no one can fight with the other like they can, no one has that deeply ingrained trust and knowing they've both built with each other. the understanding is enough. the quiet is enough. no one else can look at them and see what they see when they're looking at each other. no one else can recognize it. a handful of tiny parts of themselves, reserved solely for the other. it is not love. it is not care. it just is.

they devastate snezhnaya and go their separate ways and a few years later they run into each other again and fresh wounds have turned to scar tissue and they're living for themselves or at least learning how to, trying so hard to, and what the fuck are they supposed to do? supposed to say? every moment they spend knowing each other was born of violence and hatred and revenge and despair, desperation and grief and every ugly thing they've since so carefully untangled and tried to lay to rest. the things that had brought them together don't hurt the way they used to.

someone bumps into diluc. he did just all but freeze in the middle of the street, after all, and scaramouche scowls, weaves his way through people and grabs dilucs wrist to drag him away because god, get out of the fucking way, what, never been to a real city before? and diluc scowls and yanks his hand away but he still follows, he's not used to this many people being around and navigating such crowds, sue him. and scaramouche asks what he's even doing there and diluc explains and then they're falling into step, matching each other's strides instinctively, and then they're meeting up while diluc is in the city and then scaramouche is finding excuses to visit mondstadt and they're bickering and bantering and arguing over the stupidest shit, and its kind.

its kind.

sometimes they look at each other for a little too long and the emptiness begins to ache and the fire begins to burn only to be snuffed out again as the other makes some stupid comment and they fall right back into place. both of them feeling absolutely Horrified with themselves as they realize, separately, that when they think of their friends he of all people comes to mind. what the fuck? when did that happen? but at the same time, itd been... different, going on without the trust they had between them. and now that that trust is back with far more stable foundation, neither of them is entirely willing to let it go.

so different but with this deep and profound understanding of each other in ways that no one else knows of or could understand. mirrors shaped so differently still reflecting one another.

scaramouche knowing diluc as a murderer and a ruthless bastard who'll fight as dirty as he needs to to get shit done, the man who spits blood from his mouth and keeps going the man who's cold and stoic and couldnt care less about his reputation beyond making it as horrific as possible. and Then going to mond after it all and hearing about master diluc. the insane respect with which everyone refers to him with. the Praise everyone seems to have for him. diluc HATES alcohol. scaramouche knows that diluc hates alcohol. why the FUCK is everyone who mentions his name talking about alcohol. first hearing tales of the darknight hero and Squinting.

scaramouche not wearing his usual hat in snezhnaya because its unfortunately his most identifiable feature and he doesnt want anything he does here to get tied back to sumeru or nahida in any way. better to blend in, to appear unassuming, to have eyes roam over him rather than linger. diluc entering sumeru. vendors at stalls, people at the harbor, akademiya students- hat guy this, hat guy that. did you read hat guys new paper? have you seen hat guy around? its been a few weeks, im starting to miss the bastard. i asked hat guy for help with one of my research projects and he was a fucking jackass but he also pointed out books i hadn't realized i could use for information, it was so worth it. why hasnt hat guy been around? did you manage to trick him into trying something sweet again? you know how much he sulked about it last time.

this hat guy is pretty well known, huh. wonder what the deal is with him.

ummmm and then we also made lots of silly little jokes and images and sent lyrics back and forth abt it <3 aster pyre diluculums my Everything im so srs i owe him my life.......... none of this would be possible without him OR without us constantly enabling each other amen <3

#parasocial bestie tag #boy best friends #<- so i can find this again if need be LMAO

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cassie-moore · 1 month ago

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I just see Jo on the street sign and realize a sting as i watch him w his pasta. I try to remind myself he said to lean into feelings - i dont know what else to do but write them and let go of them on the page

Feelings - get them out on page. Leave them there

My heart dropped…just noticed..why is he repping the ring again, the heart (symbolic of her heart obviously)…its already ended and then back again, and over and back again…its already tainted w her, the “heart” of that girl? And he reps it? I dont understand what is going on…this cannot be real. Where is Gerald? The guy that sees all of it clearly. Someone wake me up from this surrealistic nightmare. How can everything else in life be so quality and then theres this self-absorbed girl who’s focused on having it handed to her, passive aggressively puppeting a man that stands firm on his feet without her. Puppeting prob w her texts. She prob sends him pictures nonstop. Her behavior is the kind i cant take. Think again bout Vegas and how was just “jesus” after five min.

Its like all of us are all advancing and making strides and shes just stagnant. Get it out cass…get it on the page and leave it there.

I have no other nicer way of saying shes lazy. Because she just is. Different approach my ass or whatever she wrote the girl in his group…i dont even remember, because she’s irrelevant to it all. Which is prob why i get so flustered … bc i dont want him attached to that irrelevancy when he’s the epitome of relevant to my core

And the heart. After its already been tainted

I guess hes back sleeping w her? Is that why hes wearing it again. What stings my heart are the thoughts that Im probably better in bed than her too. Her whole persona seems ick, drab. Just get it out on the page cass, get it out and leave because as true as it all is, you are too quality to say any of it. Keep it classy.

How does he not see the mid that others do.. even hate typing mid but my brain cant even think her name, let alone write it, without breaking it into two syllables like forrest gump

And who wants to feel like forrest gump

And name.. cant tell but at the quick glance it looks like he was in the YSL store. My favorite designer for yearrrs. He doesnt even know the handbag collection i sketched for a proposed Cassandra collection-a dream board item tucked away. He prob doesnt know my name is Cassandra. I assume he knows the story behind the insignia name the Cassandre…after Cassandre himself. I just write my fluster on the page bc i see womens clothes behind him, gorgeous stuff, and he’s prob buying them for her. Just like her dinners. Just like that pasta theyre eating that i would have cooked for him if he wanted me to. Just like all her trips he took her on or sent her to relax.. relax from what i have no idea…on trips to places i wanted to see and would have loved to bond w him. He prob paid for her apartment. The amount of money hes prob spent on a girl that doesnt work (i mean boss bitches who are queens work even when they have a baby or child at home)…i mean his exes worked and were accomplished…shed prob try to use having babies as an excuse not to work. She seems like that type. Thats not me. And shes def not any boss babe. I dont see her as a “queen” thats fsure. And she def doesnt inspire people. I mean sure id love to just sit and produce music all day bc thats my art, but how would my bills get paid? Im certainly not out there trying to figure out what guy is going to pay for me next. I have created something profound to bring to the table. Girls who sit at home and walk around all day waiting for guys to pay for their things go from a ten to a six.

I feel like ive typed all this before. About her. And all this redrumming bc hes back to repping “her heart” on his finger. I cant even watch the video of him on stage at 11 - i want to - but that damn silver heart is all i see. She prob asked him to wear it, or suggested, or made him - even worse🙄. He looks at her and must see a “supermodel” (which she is not…because supermodels are driven and dont need a man to tell them to be driven). She just feels gross forever that night in vegas to me.. yet he chooses to re *her heart…. Over someone like mine.

“All i can control is my work.”

Thoughts back to my Cassandra YSL… him buying her things (or getting things for her to rep even worse) from my favorite designer is just such a knife in my heart. Especially when i cant even remember the last time i shopped for myself…it had to have been like 9 years ago. I invested all of my money in investments or music

Music, Producing, Cassandra YSL, Cooking, Touring, Shows, i am realizing what my dreams are now

Speakng of shows ft w jenn before they leave in ten. Theyve been working hard on the lineups

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maybemountains · 3 years ago

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Reasons Why Everyone Should Watch Drawtectives:

(aka - a passing thought kickstarted my brainrot for drawtectives again and i just needed to yell abt it someone else please go here with me)

(no cut bc im on mobile and sont understand how tumblr work! Apologies!)

1. If you know drawfee that should already be a sign that drawtectives is just /so fun/ and /very/ funny and chaotic and already that should be enough tbh

2. Julia has so clearly put so much care into this show and like?? the art??? everything, (especially from the new season bc that's fresher in my mind) that she'll prep and then just Not Use bc the others just ignore it??? Yall its so good and there's so much xare put into it and just-

3. It is truly one of the only shows ive ever watched that has me in tears from laughter during like, most of the episodes. Its genuinely so funny and good yall

4. Have i mentioned that i love all the PCs? Please theyre so good yall. Like i just,,,,, i live grandma and york and rose all so much theyre just /so/ good.

5. York Lore. That's it. If youve ever improvised lore for a character and then had to stick with it? That. Its so good.

5.5. Jacob starting to read smth and then going "I CANT FUCKING READ" bc he decided once that york cant read and now has to stick with it & its truly one of the funniest things ever i love it so much

6. Eugene is literally the prettiest boy ive ever seen amd also I love him and yall do you know how hard it is to get me to have brain rot over male characters???

6.5. I was never really an art person so i dont really draw HOWEVER, the Two Men i would like to get good enough to draw are Apollo Justice of Ace Attorney Fame and Eugene Drawtectives. I cannot understate how rare it is to get me attached to make characters and YET Julia has managed to do exactly that with her wonderful son

7. Have I mentioned how much effort and love goes into this show?? Genuinely, every episode I watch I'm like "god I hope Julia knows how much I adore this" like just- YALL. Its so good and so much work goes into and every episode has me in literal awe? Like,,, Do you ever watch a show and it leaves you with the feeling of like, if you werent terrified of the internet/people that you would find a way to @ the creator(s) and just tell them how much you love their show bc it makes you happy and it has you going feral every new episode and you just want them to know that their effort and work on the show is extremely appreciated? Yeah, Drawtectives makes me feel that literally every episode.

8. Jancy!! I love her. I miss her. Drawtectives is worth to watch just for her tbh

9. Have I mentioned that the PCs are all basically in a qpr/relationship/something and that theyve all adopted Eugene as their son yet? yall i dunno how to describe it but it's good shit. They're best friends and they're in love and I love them & will absolutely die on this hill okay? They're a FAMILY and I love them

10. I am not someone who rewatches media easily. I have considered rewatching drawtectives more than once.

11. I keep coming back to this but yall its the amount of work and effort put into this show that really gets me. Bc its like, its like watching an actual play, so already y'know there's work going in there. But then you have the fact that this isnt just dnd and a podcast or dnd and its recorded with cameras like there's art and assets and the mouths are animated to move and the faces change and- like there's little animations done to match the vibe visually and its so good and i can only imagine it takes like forever and it's just. I keep coming back to the work that goes into it bc thats genuinely part of what i appreciate? Like its a good show and i love it and I'd love it regardless, but theres smth abt all the effort that goes into it that just makes me more *gently holds* abt the show, yk?

Just,,,, yall this show is so fun and it makes me happy and i have had so much brainrot for the show recently like very "I'll have one passing thought and think abt it again" and i just,,,, it's so good. I need more people to go here so i can subject people to my stupid headcanons more often,,, please,,,

(also! If it sweetens the deal at all, drawtectives s2 (current ongoing season) can be watched without s1! you may miss a couple of references here and there but thats abt it!)

#buttercup subjects themself to the mortifying ordeal of being known #drawtectives #it feels weird to tag it but like #it is like Technically Relevant dhdhdhdjf #i love this show so much #like it makes me /lose my mind/#everyone please watch drawtectives #like genuinely #like i can not word how much i loce fhis show #its lived rent free in my mind for MONTHS #like yall #i feel like that scene in the grinch where his heart grows like five times or whatever #except its my heart swellimg with love for drawtectives every new episode #this show has truly been making my brain go !!!!!!!! for the past like? /while/#its v fun and v good #i just want more people to enjoy it too !!#i also hope julia knows just how much folks love her show #like genuinely there is so much work that goes into this show and i just- im so?? excited every ep?? and like #just knowing how much thought/work/prep must go into these episodes and we only see what's prolly like a really small portion of it all???#its so /neat/ and /impressive/ and i just-#drawtectives good y'all #its so good

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yourmidnightlover · 3 years ago

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all my fault

Request: spencer and y/n are married, and they’ve been trying to have kids, and then she finds out she’s pregnant. a few weeks into the pregnancy, she has a miscarriage, and at the hospital the doctor said it’s bc she had an abortion as a teenager, and it fucked up her it yet us. spencer didn’t know she had an abortion, and blames her for the death of the baby, and they end up sleeping separately for a while and they have to grieve by themselves. spencer ends up talking to emily about it bc of her experience and it has a comforting ending!

Summary: when reader has a miscarriage after trying to have a baby with spencer, and things about her past are revealed and leaves things rocky within their relationship.

CW: miscarriage, pregnancy, mention of abortion, spencer’s rly harsh at first, teenage pregnancy, mentions of surgery, a cervix condition that i kinda made up, depressive thoughts, negative self-worth, HAPPY ENDING. *please let me know if i’ve missed anything*

A/N: i’ve been working on coming up with a series, which i posted last thursday! i’m sorry i haven’t been as consistent with my schedule, this summer has really taken a toll on my mental health and school is about to start back up. i promise i’m not quitting writing, but my writing might become a bit more sporadic in terms of my posting schedule. i’m still not sure if i like how i’ve executed this piece, so please let me know what you think!

IMPORTANT A/N: this contains serious topics centered around pregnancy and abortion. reader end up blaming herself and it is a very triggering subject to some. if you aren’t comfortable with those kinds of depressive thoughts PLEASE DONT READ. i don’t want anyone to be triggered by my writing. your mental health matters. you matter. do not read if your sensitive to the subject matter, please!

———————————————————————

when you and spencer checked the third pregnancy test and saw those two, very clear lines on the stick, you felt an unbelievable amount of joy.

“oh my god,” you clamped your hand over your mouth, your eyes welling with tears.

“y/n…” he held his breath, holding your free hand with both of his own.

“you’re gonna be a dad,” you huffed out a laugh as his arms flew around you.

“and you’re gonna be a mom! we’re gonna have our own little family,” he cheered as he breathed in your scent, elated from the news he had hoped for since you said ‘i do.’

spencer had wanted to be a father since he met henry, you remember how attached he was to the child who wasn’t even his own. you hadn’t always wanted children, only when you were absolutely ready for them. now, you were more than ready.

your arms flew around spencer’s neck as his went around your waist. he dropped to his knees and began pressing kisses against a bump that wasn’t even visible yet, praising you and your body for carrying his child.

because it was so hard for you to get pregnant, spencer decided to baby you every chance he got. you didn’t do the dishes or sweep, you weren’t allowed to reach for high shelves or even step on a chair to do so. he was worried about you and the baby, so you let him. you found it endearing.

the perfect man that you married was so worried about the little bean inside of you, worried for your safety, that it drove him a bit mad. who were you to complain? each time he’d do one of the new little quirks like not letting you lift anything above 10 pounds, you just smiled to yourself and brushed it off.

being pregnant was something that you had lost hope for, in all honesty. spencer had been talking to a few friends who had adopted children prior to finding out you were pregnant. if this hadn’t worked out, the two of you were going to look into adoption.

spencer had planned your doctors appointment for 6 weeks after your last period. the appointment was in three days. and then the perfect outline you had for your future went down in crumbles.

you had been having pains in your lower abdomen, and you figured it was just because you were pregnant. you went to the bathroom like you normally would when you felt queasy, kneeling by the toilet in preparation for what was to come. only nothing came.

you decided to just go pee and get back to bed. there was a pain that wasn’t like you’d felt before when you were peeing, like someone had been pulling your intestines out of your body. when you looked down, you felt your stomach drop.

“spencer!” you cried out. “spencer, hurry!” you felt tears well in your eyes until he ran up beside you. his hand was on your thigh as the other one was trying to steady your shaking hand.

“what is… oh,” he looked in the toilet to see blood inside of it.

“spencer… what happened? i don’t know what happened. everything was doing so well and the baby-we just found out and now they’re-wh-what’s gonna happen?” you rambled out, unsure of how something this horrific happened so quickly.

“i-i don’t know, my love,” he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “i don’t know. but we’ll go to the hospital right now, okay? we’ll get answers.”

you just nodded. you couldn’t speak anymore. you felt your throat closing in on yourself. you cleaned yourself up and got dressed. even looking in the mirror with spencer’s arms around you, you didn’t feel anything but guilt and worry.

spencer’s touch would usually be something to ease your mind and take away the thoughts of everything else around you. only this was something wrong inside of you. you were the problem this time. and you didn’t think anything could fix this feeling.

“let’s get to the hospital, yea?” you nodded as he held onto your hand, trying to ground you to himself as he guided you to the car.

you were silent the entire drive to the doctor. there was nothing to say. there was nothing to do. there was just… nothing. you were numb.

“hey,” he spoke up, “we don’t know what happened yet. there’s a chance it’s just a fluke, right? the baby might be okay.”

“what’re the statistics, spencer? tell them to me,” you ordered as tears flowed from your eyes.

“y/n…”

“tell me! why don’t you want me to know?!” you accused him, looking over at the man driving as he but his lower lip. “1 in 4 women who experience bleeding during a pregnancy are fine. 25 percent. the other 75 percent of people have either a miscarriage or serious complications. those are the statistics.”

“y/n…” he sighed, “it’s not your fault. you didn’t want this to happen. besides, there’s still a 25 percent chance that nothings wrong.”

“whatever,” you rolled your eyes and opted to look out of the window for the remainder of the drive to the hospital.

“alright,” the doctor entered the room. “we have the results from the test and we’ve examined the ultrasound pictures. i’m so sorry, but you’ve had a miscarriage.”

what were you supposed to feel? an overwhelming sense of sorrow? like a failure? like the one thing you wanted most in the world fell through?

“how-how did this happen?” you spoke through the tears. “we were so-we were careful. i didn’t lift heavy objects, i didn’t do repetitive motions, i just… we tried so hard to make this work,” you shook your head in disapproval, as if you wouldn’t accept the answer that had already been proven to you.

“there’s proof of an abortion when you were a teenager. there was severe damage done to your cervix that wasn’t assessed pre-pregnancy. now, we can repair the damage within the next two months, but it will still be difficult to become pregnant after the surgery,” the female informed you.

“then what’s the point of getting the surgery?” you scoffed, looking at spencer who was just staring off in space.

“while getting pregnant will still be difficult, maintaining the pregnancy is much more likely. the fetus would be more protected and secure after the surgery,” she explained with a pitiful smile, you couldn’t help but wonder how she could smile after giving you the worst news of your life.

“right,” you nodded curtly, allowing her to sense the mood of the conversation.

“i’ll leave you two be. i’m so sorry for your loss,” she gave the both of you a pitiful smile before exiting the room, the only sound audible being the closing of the door.

it didn’t feel real. it felt as though you were in a nightmare. only this time, you wouldn’t wake in spencer’s comforting arms. you wouldn’t hear the soft soothing voice of the man you love trying to calm you down. you wouldn’t feel the solace he would provide by merely being himself in your proximity.

the drive home was eerily quiet. there was an inkling of animosity between you. looking over at spencer in the driver’s seat, he had a dead look on his face, the only sign of previous emotion being his red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks. he didn’t even look like your spencer. he looked like a stranger in the drivers seat with a cold expression that you could barely read.

you knew this was something you should talk about. when the nurse came back in the room it was only to offer a few referrals go therapists that specialized in this kind of grief. clearly, any couple should talk about losing an unborn baby. but you knew that’s not what spencer was truly upset about.

you waited until you shut the door to your apartment before saying anything.

“maybe we should talk about it?” you whispered, not knowing how he’d react.

“about what? the fact that you’ve lied to me for our entire relationship?!” he wouldn’t even turn around to face you. “i thought we were in this together, y/n. we aren’t supposed to keep secrets from each other - especially not any that just killed our child!”

“hey…” you winced at his words. “why would you say that?”

“that’s the truth! your choices when you were a teenager just killed our child! my child!” he finally turned to face you, and you wished he hadn’t.

“do you think i knew they would botch my abortion, spencer?! do you think that’s what i wanted?!” you stepped closer to him, he sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“i don’t know what you want anymore, y/n,” he shook his head, clearly exasperated.

“i want you. i want to get the surgery to fix my cervix. i want to grieve our child. i still want kids… with you, spencer,” you tried to ease the mood, calm him down. you reached your hand out to cup his cheek before he dodged your touch, afraid of touching you. “but you don’t want that?” you whispered so quiet, too afraid of the answer to raise your voice.

“i-“ he sighed and bit his lower lip. “i don’t know.”

“right. of course you don’t,” you shook your head before sitting on the couch, dropping your face in your hands.

“what’s that supposed to mean?” he scoffed as he took off his coat.

“it means that: of course, you’re making this about you! it can’t be about us grieving our loss together like the doctor recommended?!” you peeked between your hands at the man you still didn’t recognize.

“maybe we shouldn’t grieve together since we can’t even have a conversation without getting angry at one another,” he tried to reason.

“the only reason i’m getting mad is because you’re blaming me for my baby’s death,” you spat back at the doctor before you.

“because it’s your fault!” he stood strong in his belief. “when you were a teenager, did you or did you not have an abortion?”

“i did,” you admitted.

“and the nurse said that in said abortion, they screwed your cervix up! if you didn’t have that abortion, our child would still be alive! we would be on our way to become happy parents!” he accused, rubbing salt in the already stinging wound. “it’s your fucking fault!”

“stop saying that,” you shook your head and dropped it back in your hands, trying to hide the tears that began to flow down your face.

“it is, y/n! i can’t believe you’re even trying to say this isn’t!” he chuckled, clearly getting under your skin.

“shut up, spencer!”

“i can’t, y/n!” he sat in the chair across from you before standing back up, too hyper to sit. “no wonder it was so hard for you to get pregnant.”

“spencer,” you begged him to stop, meeting his face with your teary eyes.

“y/n,” he stared you in the eyes, and you saw a glimpse of the man you loved for a second before he retreated to the bedroom.

you sat on the couch in confusion of what had just occurred.

when you were 15, you’re boyfriend was adamant about taking your relationship “to the next step.” you didn’t think you were ready to have sex, but you wanted him to stay with you. so, you gave in. it just so happened to be that you were one of the lucky girls that ends up getting pregnant her first time in spite of birth control and a condom. you couldn’t tell your mom about your pregnancy, she’d have your head on a pole.

so, you earned enough money from your job to get an abortion yourself. you went to a clinic and had your boyfriend’s mom come with you to sign as your guardian. was it smart to get an abortion that cheap? probably not. but you had no other choice. your mom had made it abundantly clear that if she caught you fooling around with him that she’d kick you out.

you were 15. you were young and still had to finish high school. there was no support system for you. you would’ve been on the streets with a little baby - not to mention the amount of debt you’d go into for just giving birth to a child in a hospital. it was the only choice.

and now you were being berated for making the only choice you even had - and by the person you loved most in the world.

you curled into yourself on the couch, laying your head on the arm and crying into the fabric. you released all of the tension and turmoil. you held onto the cushions as if it were the man that you wanted - no, needed to comfort you. because as much as you’d hate to admit it and try to fight those thoughts, part of you thought that spencer was right. it was your fault.

you fell asleep on the couch that night. you didn’t have the strength to get up to grab a blanket so you just sucked it up.

spencer didn’t sleep at all. he was used to having you curled into his chest, or himself on yours. he felt terrible about how he had talked to you, but he was too stubborn to admit anything just yet.

in the middle of the night he went out of the room to grab a glass of water. he saw you curled up in a ball, you head resting on the arm of the couch as you slept. it was the most peaceful you looked in the past 24 hours. but you began shivering as you slept. you were probably too exhausted to get up to do anything.

he went to the hall closet on a detour and grabbed your favorite, soft blanket and laid it on top of your body. after placing a soft kiss on your forehead, he went into the kitchen and made his glass of water before taking one more glance at you. you had snuggled into the blanket, pulling it up to your chin with a gentle smile that always appeared when he kissed your forehead as you slept.

maybe he didn’t screw up too badly, after all.

the next few days were spent avoiding one another. spencer couldn’t face you after knowing you had kept something so dire from him for the entirety of your relationship. you couldn’t face him after he made you feel as though it was your fault you lost your baby.

you would stay on the couch all day, barely eating or drinking anything while spencer would go out - only mentioning the library or the office to do more paperwork. eventually he just started sleeping at morgan’s house - probably because he couldn’t stand being around you.

you didn’t know how to grieve your baby, you were hoping that spencer might help, but that clearly won’t be happening. on top of that, you were worrying about your marriage. he couldn’t even look at you, how was he supposed to talk to you and sleep beside you?

a lot of times, it’s perceived that the only reason women were put on this planet were to have children - of course that’s a false notion, but it didn’t make it sting any less. your body had betrayed you. you had betrayed yourself.

it was only 12 days after spencer left when he came back home, if he could call it that anymore. once he walked into the living room, he saw you curled up in that same position on the couch. you had a blank stare that was directed towards the black tv. the only evidence that you were doing something was the empty water bottles surrounding you - certainly not enough considering he’d been gone for over a week.

when he entered you didn’t even flinch. your gaze stayed on the empty screen and your face remained vacant of any emotion.

in all honesty, morgan was the one to tell spencer he should check on you. spencer hadn’t told him everything about your argument, he knew he was in the wrong. but he was just so angry. regardless, he was here now, and it’s a good thing he was.

you hadn’t been taking care of yourself. spencer had morgan and savannah checking on him, but you had nobody. he only realized this when morgan pointed it out. and as upset as he was, spencer would always love you. your expressionless face only worried him more. your clothes had been changed from when he last saw you, but he doubts you’ve had a shower.

he stayed silent as he began picking up the empty water bottles from around the table and couch. you looked at him quizzically with furrowed brows.

“what’re you doing?” you asked, your chin already quivering as tears threatened to stream down your face.

“i’m trying to help,” he whispered as sensitively as he could, making eye contact with the most pitiful face you’d ever seen.

“i think you’ve helped enough,” you rolled your eyes before resuming your serious stare-down with the television. “you can leave.”

“no, i can’t,” he replied, sitting down on the opposite end of the couch while being sure not to touch you - he didn’t know if you were ready for that.

“you already did,” you brought to his attention, briefly looking at him. “just go.”

“y/n, i-“

“i don’t want to hear it! what’re you gonna say that could make me feel worse, spencer?!” you let the tears fall past your waterline. “i know it’s my fault. i know i screwed up! and i’m sorry! i’m so sorry!” you replied with far too much sincerity, the tears streaming down your face before he scooted closer to you, planning on wrapping his arms around you. “stop! don’t come near me!” you pushed his shoulders away. “it’s my fault,” you lowered your voice significantly before wrapping your arms around yourself.

he had called emily as soon as he got back into the bedroom. he knew she had previously had an abortion when she was a teenager, and he just needed to hear her side of it. part of him didn’t even expect her to pick up the phone.

“reid, what’s wrong?” she immediately answered.

“i-i think i need to talk to you,” he whispered in a hushed tone.

“right now?” she asked in a mildly concerned tone.

“if you can? the sooner the better,” he answered honestly.

“alright. you want to meet somewhere or just come over?”

“can i just come over? it’s really personal and i wasn’t sure who else to go to,” he began tying his shoes and hoping she’d agree.

“of course, come on over,” she replied in a worried voice.

“ok. i’ll be there in twenty.”

he quietly left the apartment, not before sparing you a regretful glance. he lost his child, but you also lost your child as well. he just couldn’t control his anger. and partially, he thought he was right.

how could you not have told him about something so serious? the second you had began having issues getting pregnant, maybe you should’ve been open about previous pregnancies.

“hey,” emily greeted before giving him a hug after seeing his teary eyes. “come inside.”

“thanks,” he sniffled before stepping into her apartment.

she guided him into her living room and sat down on the couch beside him. they sat there for a few silent minutes before he was able to work up enough courage.

“y/n was pregnant,” he whispered, barely audible if she weren’t right beside him.

“was,” she pointed out, already feeling as though she knew the rest of the story.

“she uhm-she miscarried two weeks ago,” he somberly admitted for the first time to someone else. “the doctor said it was because she had an abortion when she was a teenager that somehow ruined her cervix.”

“and that’s why you felt like you needed to talk to me?” she gathered, she was a great profiler for a reason but this was far more obvious.

“i was pretty harsh. i-i told her it was her fault,” he bit his lower lip as he grimaced. “i really rubbed it in, too.”

“spencer… “ she sighed, taking a deep breath before continuing. “you’re mourning a life, right now. obviously, that would raise tensions and emotions would be heightened. but… have you apologized? for telling her it was her fault?”

“no?” he replied after thinking about it. “i was going to do that today but she’s… she’s not in good shape. i’m not saying she needs to be perfect, but while i was at derek’s i can tell she didn’t take care of herself. she barely drank any water.”

“did you ask her why she had an abortion? why she didn’t tell you? did you ask her anything about how she’s feeling?” emily asked once more.

“no,” he cowered down, feeling even worse about the truthful answer. “i was just… selfish. i didn’t think about how she’s feeling. i just-i feel so bad now, seeing what state she’s in.”

“when i got an abortion it was because i wasn’t ready for a child,” she began to inform him. “i was a child, myself. how was a child supposed to take care of another one? my mother would’ve been disgraced. i basically had nobody there for me. i kept it a secret because having an abortion is so controversial. i knew people would look at me differently for making a responsible decision for my future.”

“god, i feel so bad,” he began to tear up himself. “i love her so much and i told her these horrible things.”

“make it right, spencer,” she gave him a supportive smile and pat his thigh before he stood up.

“i-i have to go,” he wiped the tears from his face before giving emily a hug, grateful she would listen to him at such an ungodly hour.

he quickly drove back home, where he decidedly belonged in the first place. he never should’ve left home. he never should’ve left you. you were his home, and he didn’t know how he could possibly lose sight of that.

“y/n,” he cooed as he entered the apartment once more. it was noticeably a bit more clean. the trash was taken out, the dishes were done, and your hair was wet from a shower - he assumed. “hey,” he smiled when he saw you sitting on the bed, cheeks still red and tear-stained with red, puffy eyes.

“hi,” you sighed as you brushed your hair, spencer sat down beside you.

“how’re you feeling?” you shrugged. “i need to apologize to you,” he admitted, placing a hand on your thigh. “i’m so, so sorry for what i said. telling you that it’s your fault that we lost our child… i-there’s no excuse. i was clearly upset, but so were you. what i said was so out of line, and i’ll never be able to express how sorry i am to you.”

“you’re right,” you shrugged. “it was my fault.”

“no,” he rubbed his thumb on your skin. “it was not your fault. i’m so sorry i made you believe that.”

“when i was 15 my boyfriend at the time pressured me to have sex. we used a condom and i was in birth control but i still-i still ended up pregnant,” you began, taking a deep breath before continuing. “i couldn’t tell my mom because she would’ve kicked me out, so i saved up some money and had his mom take me to a cheap clinic. she signed as my mom and i got the procedure done. that was the end of it,” you finished tears streaming down your face. “a few weeks after the procedure i started having pains in like my lower back, but i didn’t think anything of it. so… it is my fault. i shouldn’t have gone to a cheap clinic, but i couldn’t live on the streets with a baby and no way to clothe or feed them.”

“y/n,” he got your attention, wiping the tears from your cheeks. “you were a teenager who had no other choice, love. it’s not your fault, it’s the clinic’s.”

“i just… it hurts so bad, spencer,” you shook your head in defeat before he wrapped his arms around you. “not even just emotionally, my body physically hurts so bad. i don’t know what to do and i thought i lost you and i didn’t know what i would do without you because i didn’t think you loved me anymore because it’s my fault,” you ranted out, sobbing into his shoulder before he moved the two of you around the bed to lay down, you on his chest.

“i’m so sorry you had to go through that, and that you’re still dealing with the repercussions,” he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “but know that i’m not leaving you. i love you and nothing will ever change that.”

“there’s nothing we can do now,” you whined, clutching to his shirt as if he’d disappear once more.

“we can go to the recommended therapy. we can get that surgery to fix your cervix,” he reminded you, rubbing circles onto your back as you sniffled. “then, if you’d like, we could try again for a baby.”

“so you still want to be with me?” you whispered by his ear, clearly worried of the answer.

“of course i do,” he said as if there were no other option; there wasn’t. “i’m so, so sorry, love.”

“the reason i didn’t tell you is because,” you sighed as you shuffled on top of spencer, now sitting on his lap and facing him. “because there’s this stigma that comes with having an abortion - and i didn’t know how you’d react. i also didn’t know it didn’t go well in the first place, but that’s a different story,” you chuckled. “i’m sorry. i should’ve told you about something so serious.”

“you don’t have to apologize,” he brushed a strand of hair from your face. “that was from your past. this is our future, we shouldn’t get caught up on it and allow it to ruin this.”

you nodded, “you’re right. are-are you staying here, now? or are you going back to derek’s?” there was an obvious look of hope in your eye that spencer never planned on squashing.

“i’m staying here,” he smiled. “home. you’re my home.”

“you’re so cheesy,” you rolled your eyes as a laugh left your lips.

“i’ve missed your smile,” he pressed a kiss to those very lips, your smile not going away but growing even bigger.

“i’ve missed you,” you pointed at his chest. “please don’t leave again.”

“i won’t. ever again,” you held your pinky out, he smiled and wrapped his own around it. “i’m so sorry.”

“we’ll work at it,” you sighed. “we’ll build back the trust and fix my stupid cervix and then maybe try again for a baby.”

over the next few months spencer and you had been going to therapy once a week, mourning the loss of your baby and working through your other issues.

five months after you found out about the miscarriage, you had the surgery to fix your cervix.

one year after you fixed your cervix you and spencer began talking about having a child. you were extremely nervous, rightfully so. you voiced your concerns to spencer about what if the surgery didn’t work? what if your cervix wasn’t the only issue? and he replied by reminding you that you would both take this one step at a time.

seven months after having the conversation with spencer about having children, a miracle had caught up to you.

you were pregnant.

taglist:

@averyhotchner

@greenprisca

@muffin-cup

@spenxerslut

@spencerreid9

@spencyreidpls

@spencerreid9

@spencersmagic

@calm-and-doctor

@the-local-pendeja

@spencersrose

@spencersmagic

@shemarmooresfedora

@pastelbabygirl19

if you’d like to be added to the taglist, please don’t hesitate to message me or leave a comment!

#tw pregnancy #tw miscarriage #tw abortion #tw abortion mention #tw depressive thoughts #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer #spencer reid angst #spencer reid comfort

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mortuarybees · 4 years ago

Text

anyways

get a vpn i use mullvad it’s p cheap and just gives you an account number set it to switzerland theyve got nice solid privacy laws and arent part of the main surveillance agreements between the us and its allies (5 eyes, 9 eyes, or 14 eyes) opt out of everything the websites you visit give you the option to opt out of (bc of eu and swiss privacy laws p much every website will give you that option and breakdown clearly what info they wont let you opt out of and what theyll do with it) and install it on both your phone and computer

follow these instructions to keep google from harvesting and keeping your data. altho honestly they probably still keep that data so just avoid google when possible. on that note the google search alternative i use is startpage it uses google results but anonymizes your search bc lets be honest duck duck go kind of sucks and if a service is subpar youll probably just revert to the better one so. startpage.

use firefox google chrome is the devil why are you using google chrome. it’s terrible and you can easily import everything to firefox. clear your cookies frequently.

get rid of your alexa or google home or whatever you do not need it and dont buy one if you dont already have one. dont buy a doorbell cam and if you really need or want one definitely do not buy a Ring doorbell cam. dont buy anything you can avoid thats attached to the Internet Of Things. invite tech companies into your home as little as you possibly can

install ublock origin and privacy badger theyll block a lot of ads and trackers. also install the google analytics opt out extension which will prevent some of your activity from being reported back to google (it doesnt opt out of all google analytics functions tho)

install facebook container, twitter container, and amazon container. this will help prevent them from following you around the web at least a little. also stop visiting those sites as much as you can and uninstall their apps. this includes instagram which is rife with privacy issues. disable or uninstall as many google apps as you can and your phone will allow.

use signal for messaging (available on desktop and mobile and can be used for video, voice, and text/photo chat) and protonmail (choose the .ch domain name) for email. bc i am.....broke and dont really want to have another subscription so i can have two protonmail aliases i use a tutanota account (based in germany which is part of the 9 eyes) for random stuff i want to sign up for and protonmail for personal email.

stop using google news and flipboard they store everything you read and tailor your feed. i use inoreader for now which is an rss feed so you just subscribe to the news sources you trust but i am also searching for a better rss feed app with a good ui to use instead bc inoreader still collects user data, but they dont tailor your content at least.

theres not really a good alternative i know of for youtube but the best thing you can do there is remain aware of past and the latest right-wing dog-whistles so if you accidentally stumble on a shitty covertly alt-right video bc youtube is constantly pushing them, you can avoid that.

do not submit your dna to ancestry websites and vocally encourage your family members not to as much as you can.

im not a Tech person at all so all this is just the best i can do as a random person who doesnt want companies esp companies that notoriously cooperate with the us government given what we’re headed towards to have every tiny piece of my info.

read this article by a Tech Guy telling you all the information google and facebook have on you and some tips he has on how to delete or prevent it i might have forgotten which was the first thing to really properly scare the shit out of me about tech companies a couple years back. also this series about a journalist’s experience trying to avoid the big five tech companies for a week each and how mindblowingly difficult that was. in terms of documentaries lately ive watched the social dilemma (which was infuriating but had lots of interviews with Tech Guys who were formerly high up in many tech companies completely avoiding responsibility for their actions but also telling you all the shit they do) and the great hack about cambridge analytica. also thank you to user @crowleyraejepsen for being your friendly neighborhood librarian helping me do my bare minimum to protect my privacy

i know if anyone reads this massive rambling post theres gonna be a million people in my inbox with “well what if i NEED to do this or CANT avoid them for THIS REASON” and my answer is: then do it! why do you care about or want my approval! i know there are plenty of scenarios where these services are basically essential or unavoidable so just use them when you have to and avoid them when you dont. or do nothing! but be aware of the choice youre making at least

#henry speaks #technology #long post

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kkusuka · 3 years ago

Note

congrats on 3k!! i hope im not too late but here are my hcs for osamu (she/her if you dont mind)

-osamu doesn’t realize whenever some girls tries to flirt with him at onigiri miya, he’s just friendly

-whenever you get bitter about it (either on purpose or not) he’d find it cute and tease you about it bc its a miya thing to be annoying

-and when you get riled up enough he’d have to show you how you’re his only one and how no one else can get him off like you do

Broken Chopsticks

Husband!Osamu x Wife!Reader

Synopsis: osamu likes watching you stake your claim just a bit to much

words: 1.1k

Cw: smut (cunilingus), jealousy, very tiny angst if you squint, some bad language

a/n: thank you so much!! i love me a good Osamu moment too

“Well, I happen to think you’re the better twin Mr. Osamu!” “You just seem to get more handsome every day, Miya-san!” “It’s just too bad you’re married.”

Snap. Suddenly all eyes were on you, namely the broken chopstick in your hand. Shooting your husband, who resides at the counter as normal, with a tight smile you make your way to the kitchen pondering just where these women get their audacity.

‘Oh Miya-san, you’re so good with your hands!’, yeah he was, it’s just too bad he’s married. It enraged you, they not only flirted with a clearly taken man but right in front of you? It’s downright shameless. What’s worse is that ‘Samu either didn't realize it was happening, years of high school pining over him and his twin would do that. Or he just doesn't care. And you can only hope it’s not the latter.

You can't even remember a time when women wouldn't flirt with him, even when he was still only your boyfriend. Horrid memories of waitresses slipping him their number as they blatantly ignore your plea for another cup of water. Or women asking for selfies with the famous owner of Onigiri Miya and brother of the “best” setter in Japan, Atsumu, another pain in your side.

But- through all the years- the worst of all are the times when you’re working the counter. You could deal with them questioning who you were and how long you had been working there (really asking about just who you were), it the biggest ego boost when you reveal that not only did you help build the business, but you fuck the owner almost daily- and he loves it. (of course, you don't say that but you explain your marriage and how happy you are to help Osamu with his dream)

You are happy to deal with them, whether or not they buy something is irrelevant, and if you see them again they order and silently leave. It's the, and excuse your language, homewrecking whores that you can’t stand. The ones that look you in the eye and ask where the ‘hunk’ that’s usually there is. You try to explain that you’re working the counter- they roll their eyes and get a piece of onigiri.

The same women you glare at through the small window above the stove where you make dinner for you and… the guy who’s letting some wench squeeze his-your-biceps.

It's only when they leave before Osamu closes for the night, do you walk out of the back, hands full of rice and Thai-style chicken for you and… that man. Being your husband of five years, as soon as you walked out he knew you were upset. Even when you placed his food down and started some random small talk that he currently had no care for. He could almost smile, the act bringing him back to high school when you would act like all the girls that came up to him meant nothing. No matter how high you may have your chin, he knew that the women did in fact matter to you- it was cute. He almost felt bad but feeling your stare burning his back while some rando tries to flirt with him was all too adorable. Your nose scrunches and your cheeks puffy out, lips falling into a cute little pout, sometimes you cross your arms and wait for him to be finished only to wrap yourself around him, still in plain view of anyone trying to ogle him. It’s similar to the face you make now, only you’re trying to act like you aren't making the face. “What’s the matter, Baby? Yer makin that pouty face.” Geez, he always knew didn’t he. “If you’re asking, you already know the answer.” You knew he did, by the way he put his chopsticks down, rose from his chair, taking your hands in his as some random song playing on your radio- some Ed Sheeran song from an American station. “You’re so cute when yer jealous. Makes me feel special.” “M’not jealous, ‘Sumu.” That gave him a good laugh, firstly the tens of chopsticks you split today are still peeking out of the trash, and don't think he didn't notice the intellectual brushes against him whole people were ordering. Simple daily activities laced with possessiveness. “Oh I’m sure ya aren’t,” your feet started to sway, moving through the rows of tables and chairs, “I do have to say, whatever this is, I like it. You should stake your claim more often.” As you move, his mouth attaches itself to your neck. His hands pressing you down to sit on the same counter you’d been so angry with. One hand moving to settle on your thigh and the other playing with the hem of your shirt, pulling the fabric over your head., at the same time tugging your shorts down in one go. “We didn’t finish dinner.” He deliberately ignored the comment, instead, kneeling between your legs, pulling you to sit on the very edge of the marble. Your thighs resting on his buff shoulders, face pressed to your panties. “I’m about to eat mine.” With that he pressed his tongue flat against your covered folds, sucking your juices through the red lace. His tongue sought out your clit, swirling over it as your hands laced through his dark locks. “‘Sumu, I-” “You what? Gotta say something, I’m hungry.” He waited for no response as he pushed your panties to the side, taking a moment to commit your creamy pussy to memory. “Yer always so wet, I think ya get off on other girls bein’ near me.” His tongue ran between your lips, gathering the slick on them- the sleeping noise enough to make you cum that second. He moved the hand on your waist to your mound, his thumb attaching to your clit. Letting out an almost pornographic moan his eyes connect to yours, lips curling into a smirk as his tongue and fingers move faster on your cunt. “Feeling good?” “Yes-yes! I just, please! Really wanna cum!” “Well, if you wanna so badly, I guess I'll help ya out.” His finger moves faster around your bud, using his forearm to keep your hips in place. He delved in your dripping hole, thrusting his tongue in and out of your cavern. He can feel you getting close to your thighs encasing his head, a favorite for him. Replacing his tongue with two fingers he focuses on sucking your clit, the action that brings your orgasm crashing over you with a screech of his name. “So pretty, but ‘m not full yet.”

tags: @diamond-3 @rinsangel @heyheyitsne @angelalje @monisi @crystal-lilac @sadpotato10

#osamu x reader #osamu smut #osamu miya x reader smut #osamu miya x reader #osamu x reader smut #osamu angst #haikyuu angst #haikyuu smut #haikyuu x reader smut #haikyuu x reader #osamu miya x reader angst #osamu miya #osamu #hq osamu #hq smut #hq x reader

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kidfoundonstreets · 2 years ago

Text

uhm AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA last post spopilers everywgewre................

now you may be wondering

how did i get here after staring at this while eating i realized that his braid was specifically cut off......its funny bc 1. that means the braid is a whole other being than his head 2. i threatened to do the exact same thing that aside i feel absolutely deathy destroyed. this is my story. witch’s hea | ok enough this actually sucks ass WHO DID THIS?? WAS IT EVEN ONE OF US?? AND THE WRITING TOO TOTAL BULLSHIT IT SAYS HIS HEAD WAS SEVERED OFF WITH A KNIFE that is not lady dorothy ik we dont know her but i dont feel like she’d do that i know that ashe probably wouldve killed the others but damn. okay also why was ashe in noel’s room? it doesn’t make sense ok so we stole his key and went into his room. took the newspaper walked around a bit and wnet into wilardo’s hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh why was ashe even interested in witches in the first place like what made him become a researcher how did this all start when did he become so desperate oh well sirius’s dead rip “ill tell you tomorrow” it never works the guy didnt deserve that at all. literally what did he do to you this ??? guy i really really hope isnt noel (im saying this bc my brother keeps saying its noel when it probably isnt but still) it could be something the demons planned but i dont think theyd interfere or would they ighhhjhkhuuhhg noel after waking up always too late: well shit lime i feel sorry but stop

this is too far “the killer is clearly dorothy” claire i love you but somebody bonk her i honestly have no idea who did it. it might just be someone outside the cast so that guy is noel’s father,, but it seems that he might’ve not been too attached to admit it was best so easily or he could just be repressing his feelings also patricia millers....................................mom istg alright i found zizel and talked to her,, what do they mean first time have they been repeating stories?? like i hate to compare but the ai simulations?? how is that even possible???? do they just make these groups of people go through this over and over to see what happens and this is one of the things that interests them claire and noel being closer

so noel’s basically chained to this mansion if he wants everybody else to go free thats so messed up

THE GOSSPIERS. WORSTIES but “always” so it really is

WHAT THE HELLITY HELL ITS AGAINST THE RULES TO KILL HUMANS LIKE THAT THOUGH SO IM NOT WORRIED BUT UGHGHHGRGHKRH claire affects noel’s actions so much and they know that THEY KNEW THE GAME CREAOTDS ACTUALLY KNEW THEYRE HERE TO TORTURE ME ITS REAL THEY KNOW I CANT DO THOSE CAREFUL STAY IN LINE PUZZLES GODMDNAIIT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I DID IT WITH 32 SECONDS WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

unrequited love real

OF COURSE IT WAS A DUMMY DOLL AFGHH HOW DID I NOT THINK OF IT IT WAS FUNNY BUT STOP ANYWAY also about lime basically wanting to do all of these things. damn youre really desperate for that “love” youre never gonna get

SADLY THIS IS A QUEEN MOMENT

#kid's heart #im suffering #next post #i promise just let me die first

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iwaisuke · 4 years ago

Text

confessions; but not remembering it

ft. kita shinsuke, sakusa kiyoomi x sick fem!reader

genre: fluff

masterlist

a/n: this has been sitting in my drafts for a while and then i rushed bc i was getting tired 🙃 also. sakusa's is a little ooc. sorry ab that

-» ˚⸙͎۪۫⋆

» the clean yet musty smell of rain filled the gym as the boys practiced. it was a surprisingly humid and rainy spring day today here in the country side of hyogo

» "achoo" you had been sneezing and coughing all day. you also had a terrible headache but took some medicine to see if it would help. the spring allergies really getting to you

» you didnt reay have the time to be worrying about yourself. As a 2nd year manager of the inarizaki team, (recommend by suna) and the boys working so hard practicing for nationals there was no way you'd let this little cold get in the way. you had to work just as hard as everyone else!

» "hold on, im about to hang up your jerseys to dry"

» "i got you guys some fresh towels!"

» "i can run and grab that coach. im headed that way anyways"

» the coach called for a short break to rest up for a bit. everyone was sore and exhausted from practicing every day. "here. i filled your water bottles up!" handing them to all the boys. "y/n you're all wet" akagi sounded concerned.

» "hm? oh its alright. I'll dry off in a minute. i took the shortcut to the drinking fountain to refill your waterbottles instead of taking the long way" you nonchalantly said. "so you ran through the rain like an idiot?" suna threw a clean towel over your damp hair and ruffled it. "suna!! stop!! you're gonna ruin my hair"

» "like i said. its alright" you reassured the boys.

» kita, on the other hand had noticed your fatigue. although he wasnt as perceptive on peoples feeling and thoughts as well as others, he could easily pick up signs like yours. he admired you dearly for how hard you always work for the team. how you willingly did anything to make them smile. how you always put others first before yours. needless to say, he had a bit of a crush on you.

» "l/n san. i think you should take a break too. there's no need for you to be running around for us while we're resting" kita assured you. "i still have a few things left on my list to do.. but afterwards I'll take a break!" kita let out a sigh. you were stubborn sometimes and kita knew you were the kind of person to not stop until you're finished.

» "I'll be right back. i gotta grab the laundry"

» making an excuse to leave, your heart was beating fast. you knew kita's words were the kind he'd say to anyone, but it made your heart feel fuzzy when he'd look out for you.

» the stone cold captain who you thought he was, actually was so kind. he was just a little awkward like you, and a little blunt with what he said sometimes. but you learned the great qualities he carries and how much he actually cares about others well being. he was a hard worker and you couldnt help but absentmindedly fall for the captain.

» running up the stairs to the second floor of the gym, you felt a shift in your step. head becoming dizzier than it was just 5 minutes ago. legs trembling, you started falling before feeling a presence behind.

» kita's arm wrapped around your waist, supporting you in efforts to not letting you fall over. "i told you to rest l/n san" kita said sternly. "you wont benefit anyone if you keep overworking like this."

» you knew kita was right, but you really didnt want to rest knowing you'll be letting the team down by not working hard.

» "i promise I'll rest as soon as im done with this one thing" pleading with kita. he let out a sigh, knowing you really wouldnt until you did finish so he allowed you to do so.

» finishing grabbing all of the dry jerseys and bringing them downstairs to pass out to everyone, you didnt really notice atsumu and osamu spiking volleyballs at each other until aran yelled

» "y/n! watch out!" honestly, you were too tired to move out of the way so you figured, it do be like that sometimes, and allowed the ball to hit you.

» or... so you had planned the ball to hit you.

» kita stood in front, blocking the impact of the spike that you had prepared yourself for. there was agitation in kita's eyes. more than you usually noticed when then twins were miss behaving. concern washing over, he looked you straight in the eyes

» "... is there something wrong kita san?" lifting up his hand to your forehead, he let out a sigh. "why didnt you tell me earlier you had a fever", then walking over to the coach meanwhile atsumu and osamu come over to apologise for being reckless.

» "get your stuff. we're going home" kita said bluntly.

» "huh? but practice is-"

» "please l/n san. for me"

» kita would only take yes for an answer this time. no if's ands or buts. so here you were, walking home with kita. only the sound of raindrops hitting your shared umbrella being heard.

» muscles starting to ache a little more and your legs becoming more tired than they were when you left the gym, you began to walk a little slower every step

» "get on my back l/n" "its ok kita san, i can walk. its already enough that you're walking me home" "i didnt ask if you wanted to. im telling you to"

» you couldnt tell if it was the fever that made your face warmer or if it was kita's words. nonetheless, you got on kita's back. he was a lot stronger than he looked and you couldnt help but stifen at being so close to your own crush like this.

» "relax. I'll make sure you get home." he reassured. you leaned into his back, warmth seeping in, your eyes began to feel heavy.

» "kita san" "yes?" "thank you for always watching out for me"

» a comfortable silence was met as the sound of rain filled your ears.

» "kita san" "hm?" "did you know..." your voice softened "i like you a lot kita san"

» did he hear you correctly? if he wasnt paying attention he wouldve missed what you had said, being drowed out through the pitter patter of water. now his heart thumping louder than ever before.

» "l/n san-" he was about to go on but was met with the gentle rise and fall of your chest and the soft snores of you on his back, knocked out from exertion. kita let out a light chuckle, finally relieved you were resting.

» you had missed the next day of school, but when you came back the whole volleyball team bombarded you with love.

» "WE'RE A FAILURE TO NOT NOTICE YOU FEELING SICK" atsumu cried. "how could we let our one and only precious manager get ill for taking care of us" akagi, clearly dissapointed in himself. "please let us know when we can take care of you too y/n" aran said.

» "its no big deal. really!" waving your hands in defense. "it was just a small cold. but i do have a question though"

» all the boys gathered around to hear what you had to say

» "how did i get home?? i really dont remember what happened after i almost got hit by atsumu"

» it shocked the guys honestly. you genuinely didnt remember a single thing due to your fever. "wait? you don't remember kita taking you home?" suna replied, your face becoming red. "k-kita san took me home-?" "yah. he left in the middle of practice to do so" osamu added.

» immediately, you got up to find the captain that apparently took you home the other day. he was in the storage closet cleaning and grabbing the equipment for todays practice.

» "kita san" "oh. l/n. glad you're feeling better" his smile brightened the musty closet. "about that, im sorry for troubling you and having you take me home the other day. i honestly dont remember what happened after i almost got hit by atsumu. my mind was really fuzzy that day, but im truly thankful for you going out of your way for me. it really means a lot"

» kita was dumbfounded. you really dont remember? "no need to apologize l/n. it was my responsibility as a captain. and afterall, what good would i be if i couldnt even take care of the person who means the most to me"

» your heart raced. 'person who means the most to me' ? cheeks blushing a rosy pink, you were internally thanking the musty store room from being dim.

» with arms full of equipment, kita walked by you and stopped.

» "by the way l/n san. did you know?"

» ears perking up at the vague yet familiar line

» "i like you a lot too l/n san"

» now we all know sakusa HATES germs and for the past week and a half, he's been telling you to keep up with washing your hands, wearing a mask at all times even when you eat omi it doesnt work like that. pls especially since you are prone to getting sick easily no matter how hygenic you are. your immune system just hated you. PERIODT

» you remembered sakusa scolding you for running out of hand sanitizer and then the next day you were out of commission. bed ridden with laryngitis, cough, slight fever, the whole works. it was like your body was making fun of you or something

» you texted komori, asking him to take notes in class for you and relay homework information while you were at home resting up. but there was one request you had and made komori PROMISE.

» DO NOT TELL SAKUSA YOU GOT SICK

» "he's probably gonna notice your absence y/n. he'll find out about it either way"

» "well if you dont tell him then he wont know. its not like he even cares about where i am like that"

» "thats what you might think. but i know he's gonna say something i can garuntee it"

» the next day at school, sakusa did notice your presence missing. it was quieter not having a 3rd person in the group of friends. not having you around to talk to him when komori was gone.

» pulling out his phone to text you, he asked where you were that day.

» "on a family trip :D !!! forgot to tell you, but I'll tell you all about it when i come back!" you wrote, attaching an old selfie of a different trip you went on to make it more believable.

» you had hoped this silly cold would get better in a day, but soon that day turned into 2 and then 3 and then 4... you pretty much missed the whole week of school at that point

» Friday rolled around and komori was on his phone all day. sakusa noticed his cousin fidget in his chair more than usual and it irked him to see him like that

» "what's with you today?" one eye raised, sakusa finally asked. "uhhh nothing really" komori wasnt very good at keeping secrets lets just start off with that, but he was trying his best.

» "well clearly somethings wrong. you're fidgeting." "well haven't you noticed somethings been different all week?" komori hinted

» sakusa sat there in thought. nothing's been different? he ate the same breakfast he usually does every morning. all his studies have been well. there were no tests this week so there was no reason to be anxious like komori was and even if there was, he would've done well anyways.

» "just tell me what it is." sakusa was starting to get annoyed. "y/n..." komori started. "y/n?" "do you know where she's been this week?"

» did you not tell komori about your family trip? you usually told komori everything, but then again you didn't tell him either until he asked you about it.

» "she said shes on a trip?" he nonchalantly said. komori's eyes started watering. "A TRIP TO THE HOSPITAL THATS WHAT IT IS" he blurted out. komori didnt mean to let it slip , he was just so worried about your well being.

» "hospital?? what are you talking about. did she get injured on her trip?" "no omi. shes been sick all week and her mom just texted me saying she went to the hospital today because shes had a fever for 3 days straight. there is no family trip"

» sakusa's heart shattered. you were sick and didnt even tell him?

» before both he and komori knew it, his legs were running faster to get to the hospital than he had ever imagined he could ever run.

» and there you were. fast asleep in a bed with an IV drip. your face flushed, forehead sweaty and shallow breaths escaping your chapped lips. you were a hot mess but sakusa didnt care. stepping to your bedside to greet your mother she explained to him that she had to go to work and asked if he could watch over you until she gets back.

» sakusa said yes without even hearing the whole thing. his heart and mind saying yes to whatever it took to get you to feel better.

» gosh how he hated hospitals, but what he hated even more was the fact that you were in the hospital and he didnt even know.

» the doctor came in for their evening round and ensured sakusa that you were indeed getting better! your fever had broken not too long ago and your body was working extra hard to heal itself up!

» "is there anything i can do to help?" sakusa asked. he felt helpless in this situation just watching your face distort in uncomfort every now and then, and coughing your lungs out.

» patting sakusa's shoulder, the doctor told him that just being here for you is enough. "you gotta be a strong boyfriend for her alright son? she'll be able to go home tomorrow first thing in the morning if her fever doesnt come back"

» sakusa slumped in his chair at your bedside, the doctors words ringing through his head. 'boyfriend huh?' he thought to himself. "if i was her boyfriend..." he whispered to himself, "i would be a failure for not even knowing my girl was sick..."

» to kiyoomi, you were beautiful. even now in this sad state you were in. deep down he locked these growing feelings he had for you inside of him because he always felt like you were a better match with someone else and after this stunt you pulled of lying to him about going on a family trip, it only made him feel worse.

» it was now night time and you finally began to stir in your sleep, the fever finally gone. sakusa reached out to move some hair that was stuck to your face, fingers tracing the outline of your jaw. your eyes slowly opened and met with his dark orbs.

» "y/n?" "saku- wait this is just a dream. omi wouldn't be here. he hates hospitals" you let out a forced laugh and then a sigh through your sore throat.

» you reached out to sakusa's hands that were resting on the side of your bed. "omi would never let me hold his hand because he'd say im passing germs to him so hopefully dream omi wont be the same" you were aimlessly talking to yourself, not even realizing that this really wasnt a dream.

» he squeezed your hand in return. hoping that you wouldnt let go any time soon. a funny smile appeared on your face just at the thought of him. "even if you're stupid for not realizing how much i like you... i cant wait to see you again omi" you whispered before falling asleep again.

» sakusa didnt know what to do. he sat there frozen in his chair. it was his first time hearing you call him omi. heck. you literally just confessed to the boy. his brain was running wild. groaning in distress he let go of your hand to step out for a breath of fresh air now that you were back asleep.

» it was 5am and your mother came back to the hospital and thanked sakusa for staying by your side. He left in a hurry to make sure you didnt see him there.

» Monday rolled around and sakusa was waiting outside of the school gates for you. he had planned on asking you about your "trip"

» "good morning sakusa!!" your bright and cheery voice rang through his ears. honestly he was trembling inside. the memory of you confessing to him still fresh in his mind.

» "how was your trip?" you stopped dead in your tracks. "haha... it was good !! sorry i forgot to get you a souvenir" you were trying to play it cool but sakusa could tell you were forcing yourself. "i wouldnt want a souvenir from where you came from so its fine" sakusa's words threw you off. "i - im not sure im understanding what you're saying sakusa?"

» you felt a tug on your hand. "dont you mean omi?" his voice husky as he whispered into your ear. cheeks flushed, your brain felt like it short circuted. you've always tried your hardest to not let it slip that you want to call him omi since he hated when people called him that.

» sakusa smirked at your cute reaction he got out of you. letting go of your hand he began to walk into the school leaving you at the gate dumbfounded. "and by the way. you're just as stupid for not realizing how long ive liked you too"

-» ˚⸙͎۪۫⋆

thank you for your order! enjoy~!

#haikyuu x reader #hq fluff #haikyuu fluff #yinny!drabbles #sakusa kiyoomi #sakusa fluff #kita shinsuke #kita x reader #kita fluff

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angelthebedsheet · 4 years ago

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Can you do a zuko x male reader or gender neutral. It could be about the reader witnessing the agni Kai and watching zuko get banished. The reader tries to go with zuko but zuko doesn’t want the reader to get hurt. Years later they meet at the boiling rock. You can take it from there. I love your writings and I’ll keep supporting you 💕

a/n: oooooh! thank you anonnie!! i appreciate your requests!!!

lets get it!

okay so you and zuko were TURTLEDUCK BUDDIES

attached to the hip basically

azula HATED how close you two were bc hello she’s right here???

i mean you and zuko trained together

fed ducks together

best buds

you knew you liked zuko alot but you didn’t understand?

like you started to get flustered around him

same with zuko

and azula was PLOTTING NOW

she doing a think rn with one of her BRILLIANT ideas 😐

“oh n/n! zuzu! come play a game with us!”

zuko’s flight or fight reflexes are triggered and he’s ready to DIP

but you r unfortunately intrigued

“oh okay ‘zula! cmon zu!”

cue azula’s smug lil grin

she puts an apple on your head and makes you stand in front of the fountain

you’re like ???? is this the game?

azula’s like it is n/n it’ll be fine

it was NOT fine

she damn near burnt you to a crisp if it wasnt for zuko tackling you into the fountain

now azula, ty lee and mai are LAUGHIN

but we all know mai lwk a lil jelly

you and zuko are embarrassed as fuck

you both are soaked and he’s hovering over you

mr zuzu looking real pretty

he just turns red and pulls you up before running away

zuko is like ???? boys are cute especially this one???

you two still remained close after this incident

two lil gays boys who are trying to not crush on e/o

(im sorry the only thing i can think about when i think of zuko is his gay ass lil scream in the prototype pilot episode)

(nigga said wwAHHH)

anyways

azula teased you about zuko speaking out against a general and their dad is angry and you’re like oh shit

suddenly you arent allowed to visit zuko anymore

and you’re like wtf no no let me in

the guards said no

you’re so paranoid too

is he okay?

what fully happened?

soon the agni kai is announced to happen

and you are seated next to iroh and azula

you’re clutching onto your pants as you watch zuko walk into the arena

you really dont want him to get hurt

your eyes widened as you watched zuko’s father walk into the arena and your heart drops

zuko is clearly surprised and frightened

tears are rolling down your cheeks bc you are so so so scared for him

iroh covers your eyes as he looks away when zuko got burned and you could feel your heart break as you listened to his cries of pain

you cried out as iroh pulled you into a hug

you and iroh immediately rushed to the infirmary to get to zuko

you push past those guards and nurses bc you are on a MISSION

aint nobody getting in your way like this bc you will STOMP they asses out

you are not leaving his side

“z-zu are you okay? can you hear me?”

“m-m/n? where are you? i cant see”

zuko is starting to panic due to the fact his left eye is patched close

you hold his hand “i’m right here zu. shh im here”

he’s so overwhelmed too poor baby

“u-uncle? w-where is he?”

“right here zuko.”

you help him sit up and he grabs a mirror immediately

he frowns at his reflection

“you’re still handsome zuko.” you said

iroh pretended to not see that blush that sat on zuko’s cheeks

“i-i’ve been banished, m/n.”

“what?”

“i’m banished from here. the only way i can come back is if i capture the avatar.”

“but he’s been gone for years zuko! let me come with you”

“no! it’ll be too dangerous”

“how? we trained together! grew up together? how is it too dangerous?”

“no m/n! i dont want to lose you!”

“you wont lose me zuko.”

“you dont know that. you arent coming with me.”

you and him went back and forth

after he shaved his hair and was about to board his boat you pulled him away

then you confessed right then and there

i mean you didnt know when you’ll see him again

“i like you zuko. more than a friend”

“what?”

“i like you.”

“are you for real? this isnt a joke right? like azula didn’t put you up to this?”

“no she didnt.”

“oh thank the spirits. i like you too.”

and yall have this lil awkward ass kiss

just a short lil peck?

i mean yall are 12/13 and two boys you think they gonna go all out tonguing niggas? lmao

you two hug before iroh calls him over

“i’ll wait for you zuko”

“i’ll try my best.”

and he’s gone

over the years zuko was gone he was so sad

“if i capture the avatar i can come back to the fire nation and m/n”

but clearly the whole LeMmE cAtCh tHe AvAtAr thing was dropped when he got that glow up

(neya said 🦋🦋🦋🦋 whenever they look at zuko cmon NOW.)

now they’re otw to boiling rock

“my first girlfriend turned into the moon.”

“that’s rough buddy.”

and sokka’s like you ever dated someone before?

zuko’s like..... two people?

“that knife throwing girl?”

“her and m/n. though we never got to date bc at the time i was literally banished. i miss him alot though.”

bi king ✨

“what if he’s at the boiling rock?”

“then i’ll find him.”

sokka’s like yes my man get your MANS

“okay so we look for my dad, suki and your husband”

“he’s not my husband sokka.”

“..... my dad, suki and your husband”

“omfg shut your trap.”

these pair of himbos finally get inside and are on a MISSION

sokka’s like heheheeh suki time

KAJDJAJDJJSKDJF

zuko’s hopeful that you’re here or at least alive

after sokka and suki have their lil reunion zuko wanders off and asks around

“do you have a prisoner by the name of m/n?”

“why do you ask, newbie?”

“uhhh the warden sent me to him.”

“oh. there.” pointing to a door

zuko has to CONTAIN the excitement and nods before speed walking off

he throws open that door so quickly

you on the other hand is ready to rumble “i TOLD YOU I DONT FUCKING HAVE IT”

zuko just closes the door behind him and takes off his helmet

you’re like hol up wait wait zuko????

and he nods with a big ol grin on his face

you just hug him so fucking tight

maybe there were some tears shed

you pick him up and twirl him around

zuko’s like holy SHIT

and you pull back to just look at him

“you’re still as handsome as i remember you, zu.”

“so are you, n/n...”

he’s just so awestruck

the person he has been looking forward to seeing for 3/4 years is right infront of him

yall just kiss

sokka now gotta pull a zuko and bang on that door

“yALL DOING THINGS IN THERE??? HURRY UP”

“shut UP sokka”

zuko puts his helmet back on and grabs your hand

yall finally dip and are otw tf outta there

“oh shit zuko he’s cute”

“back off”

“im happy with suki relax sir”

zuko is clingy and was hugging you the whole time

not that you minded bc you missed him dearly

when yall got back and he introduces you

the group minus toph is like “ZUKO’S GAY????”

toph is like “I FUCKING CALLED IT”

alls well

except for the fact zuko wouldnt let you go anywhere by yourself

#atla zuko #prince zuko #sokka would clown zuko 100%#zuko x reader #zuko x male reader #zuko x black reader #atla x black reader #atla x reader #avatar the last airbender x reader #avatar the last airbender

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koishua · 2 years ago

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vienna as one of the older kids on sfw enhablr (not saying ur old !! 😭😭 it’s just that there’s a lot of minors on here) how do you feel abt the current content for the maknae line? like ik it’s not always super sexualized or anything but sometimes i see stuff that’s just the way it’s worded really rubs me the wrong way ☹️ esp bc some of the kids on here are so young it makes me feel like if they see stuff like that , they might start think it’s okay for others to treat them the same or vice verse … whenever i see edits of niki on tiktok , i have to avoid the comments bc there’s almost always like a “daddy” , “how is he 16” or “you don’t know what you do to me” like wtf he’s a literal child ?? it makes me so mad and honestly so uncomfortable :( and i saw an article on kboo today too that said niki apparently has around 200 explicit or mature fics written abt him on ao3 … sometimes even the fboi trope (usually when it’s written abt minors) bothers me bc i see minors writing abt it (like 13-15 y/o) and i don’t understand why they don’t just use the term player or smtg … bc they’ll go out of their way to mention how the character has sex a lot an whatnot , even that feels way too suggestive for me personally for a minor too write let aline abt a minor too , sorry for the rant,, i was just wondering how you felt … omg also though tbh i noticed that some of the minors on here / blogs in gen seem way too comfy on here like they’ll be sharing where they live , their actual names and sometimes like giving a lot of personal info … like did they not learn abt internet safety or do they just no care? as one of the older kids , i kind of worry abt them :( i really hope everybody stays safe on here <3 & some reminders: never be afraid to block anyone ! bc i’ve seen a lot of minors on here get sent stuff from the p*rn bots or just weird dms :( & u don’t need to force yourself to interact with someone , make sure ur comfy with them first !

yup yup it feels like im definitely one of the few older engenes i know of and im not even in my twenties haha i am glad you brought this up, because it's a topic that's bothered me and quite a few others as well for such a long time :/ you are so true with how younger people might start to think that it's okay to be treated (and also to treat others) the way some of these content creators treat clearly underage idols. i too see suggestive edits of riki or jungwon and yes, the people creating them are incredibly talented at editing and whatnot, but the choice of songs and the atmosphere they choose to create and then going ahead and writing a small "don't sexualize so and so! this is only for blah blah blah" somewhere in the comments really, really irks me.

i dont think i have come across written content like those, but the amount of visual content (especially tiktoks?? my god people be wildin with what they post there) where they disrespect obvious boundaries? those i have seen a lot of and frankly? jail. those who comment ridiculous things about them when they are/were literal children? jail 😐 and oml 200 M rated fics for a literal 15/16/17 year old?? i did not know that. i don't really care if minors think of those sorts of things bc it's only natural tbh as long as they keep them to themselves but projecting them on riki or jungwon and other younger idols is so morally wrong. also yes?? the amount of fboi fanatics is a whole nother can of worms i don't have the energy to be opening rn good god

i can't chastise anyone for joining tumblr too early, because i was here at 16 too (which was mayhaps a grave mistake bc my grades suffered bc of my attachment to this site during the pandemic oof don't put the internet above your education, kids 🥴🥴) but last time i saw a literal 12 year old?? my concern is the same as yours bc yes although there might be some pretty cool and nice people around, you literally can NEVER know if someone is telling the truth or not unless you personally know them and my god there have been more times than i can count where my own mutuals have turned out for the worst and i wouldn't wish anything bad to happen to unsuspecting children here. grooming, doxxing, bots and so much more dangerous stuff can happen and i wish some of them would take their cyber security seriously.

you are so right with the blocking thing too!! the number of blogs i have on my blocked list is huge and y'all should never hesitate on blocking anyone you find uncomfortable interacting with! none of these people know you in real life, no one is gonna curse you out because of it and if they do, they're simply immature. you should configure your online space to fit your needs, comfort and safety! there are a variety of options tumblr serves you to optimize your experience like blocking tags, content, blogs and all that jazz, so make sure to use those functions any time you need!

sorry for taking a bit to answer your ask, nonnie, but im happy to have someone discussing these issues with me and giving their opinion! have a good day and stay safe <3

#ii. ( pt ) —! anon asks.

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koheletgirl · 3 years ago

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Hey Shira, may I ask what a vriska is?

ok so again i have not ever seen homestuck so i don’t have the full context, but im going to do 2 things here -

1. link this post, which i love

2. copy the transcript of the relevant part of this video, under the cut.

so taking into account that i think this should be taken semi-seriously, i really really love vriskas. obvious examples are azula, catra, tdp claudia (who i dont think is a vriska yet but is definitely headed in that direction), and im sure there are more you can think of. anyway the concept is fascinating to me for so many reasons, i might talk about it more in the future but for now ill leave it at that

the relevant part in the video is 29:44-36:37. im leaving some parts out bc it’s pretty long, i’ll use this [...] as an indicator of parts i’ve skipped. also i did leave in the part where she talks about redemption arcs, bc i think she’s right.

“So, basically, Vriska is, especially at the start, not a good person. She’s manipulative toward all her friends, she’s really mean toward several characters for what seems like cruelty for cruelty’s sake, and she kills a lot of her friends. Keep in mind that death in Homestuck is very much not permanent, because resurrection is a thing and multiple timelines are a thing and so a character can die and come back and be kind of okay with the fact that they died. A lot of it is video game rules, y’know? But. Still. She does do quite a bit of murder. I would say she’s, in academic terms, kind of a huge b*tch. And a lot of people don’t like her specifically because her levels of uh… Huge B*tch Energy are sort of relatable to people. [...] The ways in which Vriska was A Huge B!tch were very real to some people, so she naturally inspired a lot more emotion than some of the other characters. [...] Not only that, but a lot of people feel like given all the times she’s depicted as sympathetic, she isn’t sufficiently punished for all the bad sh!t she’s done. So, this is where my opinion differs from other people’s in terms of redemption arcs. I don’t think characters need to be physically punished in some way to be redeemed. I think redemption arcs are about making amends to the people hurt in as good a way as possible and making an active commitment to do better. It’s why I hate redemption arcs that start and end with a character doing one grand gesture and then dying. I don’t think good redemption stories need to incorporate punishment, but rather a commitment to do better. But a lot of people did feel like she didn’t earn what redemption she got, whether it was because of a lack of punishment or a lack of commitment to do better. [...] On the other hand, a lot of folks really, really liked Vriska. For one, a lot of the shitty things she does are… I wouldn’t say excusable. But it’s at the very least, explained beyond just that she’s a shitty person who hurts people for no reason, so a lot of fans can be like ‘oh wow, this is a tragic character, I can ympathize with why she’s like this’. She’s a murderer because she was raised with an abusive parent figure [...] who forces her to do it. She’s cruel to people because, due to her parental figure and background, she sincerely believes she’s making them stronger. There are moments where she clearly shows a capacity to be tender and care about others and try to be better, which makes it fascinating and devastating when she fails to do that. And because she gets so much focus by the narrative, she’s very easy to grow attached to. [...] So, there are naturally a lot of divides when it comes to her. This both included shipping debates with her, and the big thing: whether we should like her or hate her. There are people who hate everything she stands for and they think she’s a bad character and a bad person. There are people who think she’s a bad person, but a great character. There are people who feel really attached to her and defend her and feel like she’s a good character and a good person. I… haven’t met anyone who thinks she’s a good person and a bad character, but I’m sure they exist. [...] But you can see how very quickly, these sides could come to hate each other. One person complains that Vriska shows up too much? Someone who loves her comes in to argue that she’s a great character and you’re being unfair to her. One fan says they think she’s a good person? Someone else comes in with a laundry list of bad things she did. Someone else replies that those things were excusable and understandable. Someone else says they’re not. And because it’s the internet, these people fight forever and ever and ever. [...] It also spawned the meme ‘Vriska did nothing wrong’, which some people loved and some people hated. My understanding is that most of these people do not actually sincerely believe that Vriska did nothing wrong, but it’s more like a glib ironic thing you say when you like Vriska and don’t want to fight about it. They were tired of people getting mad at them for liking a character who’s a bad person. Some people also point out that a lot of male characters have done stuff that’s pretty much on par with Vriska’s actions, and they tend to be humanized more and seen as a lot less divisive by the fandom. So ‘Vriska did nothing wrong’ quickly became a meme.“

#jtv mutuals - i think petra is a vriska :))#dont rb pls i really dont want any part in homestuck discourse lol #btw the video i linked is by sarah z who is also the op of the zuko post i just rbd. the one that prompted this ask #ask #soph tag #mars dont look

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nkhrchuwuya · 3 years ago

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firstly, i’m beyond happy you’re doing such a nice event for everyone!! thank you! congratulations and i bet you’ll have more people adoring your works bc they’re worth sobbing for, they make me feel, i gobbled up each one of ‘em (the first one i read was the one where chuuya rented the entire gym💀) lmao but monitor ur health too, there’s no rush and have a lovely day💛

✨my pronouns are they/she, and i’m in love with reading!! especially collections of letters + classic lit, which in turn made me write letters to people i care for, with the cute envelopes, flowers, and tiny spritz of perfume. sometimes i attach my own poetry or quote something i think conveys what they mean to me/remind me of them. i’m typically quiet so i express it in written words instead, or surpises that are handmade/homecooked, and if i really don't know how else more to say ily i just resort to cuddles + outburst of kisses (and back hugs *screams*). or a random act of service they currently need (when i see fics where reader takes care of chuuya after a tough day like patching him up and just making him comfy i scream cry and throw up hsuwshsh)i also love listening to ppl i love, like plans cancelled and earth irrelevant dont u ever shut up keep talking hduwhsywh

Ty for this again, sending love n good things💐

oh my gosh anon thank you so much 🥺 "worth sobbing for" is such a huge compliment and i'm so happy if i can draw such big emotions out of you! thank you for looking out for me, i promise i'll take care of myself (i say as i write this at 2am)

anyway, here are your chuu stuff!! :

he loves your little thing with literature! he also has a sweet spot for literature (and really, art in general) so whenever you get to have a little moment where you geek out he’s always so soft about it, you can see it in his eyes.

of course, he enables your hobby with all he can! ebooks? got the best reader out there right now, honey. hardbound books? guess what’s being carted into the penthouse. love writing letters? cool, what kind of stationery do you need, babe?

he falls even deeper in love with every letter you write him. so write him a lot, won’t you? he appreciates every little touch you make to make the letter even just a little bit more brighter for whoever will read it, and if he’s gone away for a mission or a trip he always has one with him to read and sometimes just hold when he misses you.

if you make him something yourself he’s always low-key bragging about it to anyone close enough to him. like if you cooked him a little bento to bring to a chill day at work, he’d be sitting outside some sort of balcony just nose-up like “you see this? they made this for me. do you get any lunchboxes? no? that’s cause i’m special. that’s cause they’re special.” (the only person he’d ever directly brag about it to is probably kouyou, maybe the black lizards, but to everyone else... turn green with envy looking over.)

lots of quiet dates for the two of you! of course, if you’re up to going to somewhere like a rave or an amusement park he’d gladly bring you, but oftentimes it’s in quieter places where you guys spend your dates. out at the park, by the portside, aquariums, a local cafe... you name it. he just enjoys relishing in your presence without the excess of everything else. you’re such a quiet, calming presence to him that he loves to bask in it.

the moment he discovers you are one for physical touch that’s the end of it for you! chuuya’s not a man of much words. ...well that’s a lie, he talks a lot, but he has a hard time putting his feelings into words often. knowing he can rely on touch to convey what he wants to, and that you will still receive the message clearly, is a weight off his shoulders.

your genuine concern whenever he comes home even the littest bit injured actually leaves chuuya... very flustered. he hasn’t had anybody fret over him like that before, not since he came to the mafia. kouyou took care of him but there was always an air of distance between them. and port mafia clinics are cold and clinical. but to come home to you gasping and “chuuya?! oh no, what’s happened to you this time...” he’s so thankful and grateful but also embarrassed at getting in trouble.

chuuya has a fixation on your hands. there’s something about it that’s just magical, he knows, and he will absolutely adore the hell out of them. these are the hands you use to tenderly flip through the pages of your beloved books; these are the hands that make his delicious lunches and all those handmade little things; these are the hands that patch him up; these are the hands that put him back together. he’s always kissing your hands to show how much he adores what they do.

overall, i think you’re going to be a great, more domestic kind of partner to chuuya, one he actually needs to balance himself out! he loves that he can be the loud to your quiet, and he can urge you out of your shell the same way you pat him down to calmness. a really good match if you ask me!

#anonymous #chuuya's special someone event #nakahara chuuya #bungou stray dogs #chuuya x reader #bsd chuuya x reader #chuuya x you #bungou stray dogs imagines #bsd imagines #bsd x reader

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sunnnfish · 4 years ago

Text

Rambling about tbhk thoughts & theories n stuff

Hi I’m thinking too much about how much is still unanswered in tbhk :) this is all over the place but i tried to organize it a little bit but it is very very ramble-y and it might not make much sense. Please feel free to talk to me i have so many thoughts (but also not many answers)

I also bolded some of my favorite thoughts for maybe easier reading

(Also crazy spoilers about literally everything watch out)

Gonna put it all under a cut bc its long but please read 🥺 i talk about like straight up everything and everyone (tsukasa, Sakura, natsuhiko, amane, tsukasa, nene, kou, mitsuba + what is going on with them)

Tsukasa, Sakura, natsuhiko:

Okay so like why did tsukasa only recently appear after supposedly being dead for like 50 years cause like hanakos been around yknow ? Does it have something to do with the seal? Cause like tsukasa is clearly very clingy to hanako so you’d think he’d stick by him as soon as they died but they apparently hadn’t seen each other in a long time. and how did Sakura get into like a contract or whatever with him ? and why can natsuhiko see and interact with supernaturals ? Natsuhiko is so weird what is his deal. why in the world does he know how to turn into a supernatural ???

GASP i just had a thought so like tsukasa says he only grants wishes for the dead so like how would Sakura get into some kind of deal with him if she’s alive? She could be dead but idk it kinda does and kinda doesn’t work.

Hanako, tsukasa, seals:

And as for hanako and tsukasa like when did they get those seals and why ??? And like during the part where kou asks yako about rumors being changed hanako at the end like touches the seal on his cheek and ?????? What does that MEAN ??? Did he have to get sealed because his rumor was changed ? Like what was that about ??? Also why in the world are hanako and tsukasa so powerful? They are so strong and its crazy. Also I REALLY wanna know what hanakos boundary and yorishiro are and what purpose his boundary serves.

Tsukasa, plans, rumors:

Also why is tsukasa changing the rumors ? Is he trying to like kill the 7 wonders or what ? Or remove them from power cause like yknow breaking their yorishiros removes their control over the boundary and like he did straight up kill number 3 to put mitsuba in control so does he want to do that with all of them? He also keeps messing with nene and like why.... i just wanna know his plan...

Also how come they haven’t like put anyone else in charge of the boundaries after their yorishiros got broke? Also also why is hanako the leader despite being like the youngest like what did he do ??? He is also pretty bent on breaking the yorishiros too like couldn’t they just change the rumors instead of breaking the yorishiros? Like they did with the mokke? I think hanako has some other agenda too.

Amane:

Also thinking about if tsuchigomori knew about tsukasa ... like when amane was alive yknow like where was tsukasa ? Did he go to school? Was he in a different class or what ?? Also did amane immediately kill himself after he killed tsukasa or did he like go on for a bit afterwards ?

I’ve also had a little theory about the whole “I’m not going anywhere” scene, so like amane gives his lunar rock, that he has had and treasured since he was 4, to tsuchigomori and that seems a little odd to me, but its seems especially like su*cidal behavior yknow? If someone’s got a plan to, yknow, die, then they sometimes start acting different and start giving away things that are important to them. I’ve also seen recent theories about how maybe tsukasa got them involved with something supernatural while they were alive so maybe amane was like planning to die or something... and I’m also still super intrigued that amane was the only human to defy what was written in their book, and it makes me wonder about what was written in tsukasas book, like was he supposed to die? Was it written in amane’s book that he killed tsukasa or was that different too?

The severance:

Also thinking about the whole lead up to the severance and like how that went down—like number 6 shows up and kidnaps Aoi of all people and like sacrifices her and stuff and it all makes me wonder if hanako planned it? Like he clearly thinks the severance is a good thing and that aoi being sacrificed extended nene’s lifespan so like did he plan it? Did he ask number 6 to do a sacrifice cause like they haven’t done that in YEARS like why would they suddenly do it again? Number 6’s rumor hadn’t been changed or anything so there was no reason to do that (unless i missed something).

Red house, mitsuba:

And then there’s the freaking RED HOUSE like my goodness like what does it have to do with mitsuba??? Why did he have a picture of it? Why was the picture black until nene found it? Like the house is cursed and it seems like the picture might be too, since nene and kou mysteriously showed up at the house. There’s of course all the theories that its probably the yugi family and that it might be connected to Nowhere now so that’s fun but I still really wanna know what this has to do with Mitsuba

OH i also just remembered yknow like at the beginning of the hell of mirrors arc mitsuba is like different mitsuba and doesn’t remember anything but at one point nene mentions hanako and he like reacts like “hanako?” Like he knows the name but like stuff keeps happening so that’s quickly forgotten BUT like what does that MEAN !! Why does he know hanako !!! When he’s not supposed to remember like anything !!!! Zdfghgjhfdhfj

Oh also also what in the world happened to mitsubas arm and why does he keep it hidden?? It clearly still works cause like he grips things but he still keeps it hidden so ??? Also like his eye too idk if something happened to it or if its stylistic but its only shown vaguely like once or twice, and in scenes where he’s alive it’s much more visible so ?

Nene:

I also think nene is totally gonna die or at least turn into a supernatural somehow because like so much official art and stuff really points to it. With like pictures of the four (nene, hanako, kou, mitsuba), nene is always tied in with hanako and mitsuba while kou is shown separately or with different motifs. The ones that really come to mind is the one where nene, hanako, and mitsuba and tied together with a rope, it being tied around mitsubas neck, hanakos chest, and nenes leg, while kou is positioned away from them. With the recent chapter with that dolls leg coming off and like the references to dolls n stuff like i think something crazy is gonna happen to her leg at least. The other one that comes to mind is the one with the four pictures of their middle school entrance ceremonies, where hanakos, mitsubas, and nenes families faces are scribbled out, while kous is fine. At first you think it’s because teru and tiara are like actual characters, but in amane’s and tsukasa’s, one of their faces is scribbled out too so its not about whether or not we know the character. So like nene is continuously shown with the same symbolism as the supernaturals soooo....

Kou:

Also thinking about how kou was WAY to ready to die for mitsuba like he’s 14 !!! And do y’all realize he ACTUALLY for REAL fell off the building right then and there, not expecting mitsuba to save them ! He was fully ready to die at the drop of a hat and as much as it shows how much he cares about mitsuba like that is not healthy babey. Like think about yourself for once kou, stop hurting yourself to help others !!! People care you !!! (I’m people)

Misc:

And then i still have thoughts about the minamoto family but mostly i just wanna know more about their family and history like where are their parents ? Also that reveal that teru like protects the whole town was like crazy.

Oh also gotta wonder like why so many of the ghosts are attached to the school ?? Like i dont think any of them actually died at the school so why do they haunt the school? Shijima died at a hospital, mitsuba died like in the town supposedly, and we dont know about the yugis but idk how they would have a knife at the school unless they were doing some kind of after hours ritual. Also no adult ghosts.... all the adults are pure supernaturals.... hm.

Anyways that’s all i can think of right now and its a lot :) I’m so sorry

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teenitinygod · 5 years ago

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I’m not too good at thinking of ideas but maybe a hc of Chuuya (he’s my fave asdghf) with s/o whose ability is to detect/manipulate emotions? Or maybe a fluff scenario where Aku’s s/o secretly tries to kiss him when he’s asleep! Ooo ooo or one where Dazai keeps trying to get s/o to leave him bc he believes he’s bad for her but she’s not falling for any of it? These are just suggestions you don’t have to do it if you don’t wanna, PLS DONT KILL ME T_T ps ily you one of my fave tumblrs 🌼

I love you more bby- I did the Dazai one!

———————————————————————————————————- Dazai pushing his s/o away!

Dazai wasn’t one to get attached, that wasn’t his thing, he laughed at falling in love, and scoffed at the thought of getting in a relationship. The deep sorrow that constantly filled his soul was unwavering and no matter what he did, no matter how many people he saved, it wouldn’t go away. The endless depression that came with being so empty inside became tiresome to deal with, so Dazai resorted to distractions. Those distractions varied and came in different forms. His new distraction was you. You were pretty, straightforward, not one to beat around the bush and bullshit anyone. That’s probably the main reason you caught his eye. You were fun, someone to laugh with, open minded and didn’t mind his 3am calls to come over. You were easy to keep a mask around, you didn’t pry, didn’t question, didn’t press at the unknown, his bandages, his past. The way you smiled and blindly followed his lead was almost endearing, he realized that being near you made days just a bit easier. He liked what you both had built, your unlabeled relationship made life a tad more bearable, simple, dare he say normal. Like he had a shot at happiness. And then came night.

One night. One night was all it took for what he had built to come crumbling down. He cursed himself for not being hyper aware of his actions, not being able to detect the way your eyes shined with deeper emotions when he was around, the little things you did to be closer to him. It didn’t hit him until in the afterglow of intimacy you muttered words he never thought he would’ve ever had to hear from you. In that instant his brain raced, wondering if leaving or not was the best option. You cut his thoughts off with a voice of understanding, pressing your face against his shirt, telling him that he didn’t have to say it back. Against his better judgement, he pulled you closer, drifting off into a night's rest. Yet Dazai lay awake, retracing his steps, grinding his teeth at the fact that he had done something he'd sworn not to do. Even if it was just a bit, he’d become blindsided by the distraction he created, addicted to the temporary relief you gave him of the metaphorical pillow that pressed against his head.

That night was the start of many nights that started with intimacy and ended with a cold bed. Your once contempt attitude about the undefined nature of your relationship dissolved, succumbing to the angsty title of demanding partner. You didn’t want to be that way, but you couldn’t help the feelings of dread and chipping of your pride as Dazai fucked you in the night and left before the sun rose. His lunch date requests came to an end, the talks about any and everything stopped as your regret for muttering your feelings grew. You weren’t stupid, you could see that there was something going on with Dazai, and maybe that fact made you regret confessing to him. You were dazed, in a faux-reality where Dazai would wrap you into his arms, whispering that he returned your feelings. Maybe you were too naive, too shortsighted, too narrow minded.

That longing look in his eyes wasn’t something you can pick up easily, it takes being with him for a while, watching him, and you did. That subconscious part of you knew you were his distraction, something to take his mind of whatever he had been going through, that’s why you didn’t press. You didn’t question the bandages, don't question the suicide, welcome him into your arms, home, and bed in the late of each night. Deciding that you’d had enough of pitying your past mistake, you decided that you would go to the agency and talk to him face to face. Five weeks had gone by since that night, not long enough to clear the awkward tension that squeezed your lungs as you both walked the calm streets of Yokohama.The sun was setting, the soft tones of the sky blended outwards as the day transitioned to night. Neither of you dared to speak first, not that you were scared, but what were you going to say? How were you going to say it? You paused, watching as Dazai took notice and turned towards you, an expectant look on his face.

“I know, I know that whatever we are was never meant to be something more to you, it was never meant to go any further than mindless sex and shallow talks. I’m not stupid and neither are you. I can see that look in your eyes, that desire for something you clearly feel that you don’t deserve. I’m not going to sit here and pretend like i’m the answer to your past, some miracle person that sets you free from the pain and trauma from what was before me. But I won’t apologize for my feelings, I stand by what I said, and I don’t want to let you go,” You confessed, voice unwavering as your toes dug into the soles of your shoes. Dazai’s face held a stoic expression, brown eyes that bore into yours, like he was trying to figure out your motives, like he was staring at your soul from the inside out, and it gave you chills.

“I think it’s best that we go our separate ways,” Dazai responds, hands forcing their way into the bottom seams of his coat pockets. Your eyebrows furrowed, fist clenching harshly as you denied his words.“I don’t want that and I don’t think you do either. I want to figure this out, frankly I don’t give a shit if you don’t think it will matter. If you decide you don’t want to be with me after, fine. But don’t take me lightly, don’t brush me off because I know my worth. I’m willing to put up with whatever you're looking for,” Your words are sharp as you take a step towards him. The stinging of your nails pressing into your palms are somehow soothing. His expression doesn’t change and you sigh.

“I can’t make you want better for yourself, I can’t make you see yourself the way I see you, nor can I make you want to try to make this work. But I do know this, I do have feelings for you Dazai, I’m willing to do this, make this work, I’m willing to see this through,” Dazai shifts on his heels, feeling the breeze of the spring evening comb through his hair. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. You were supposed to be a distraction. Nothing more, nothing less. Yet, here he was, standing on the sidewalk as you poured out your emotions to someone you knew nothing about. It was laughable, but he knew you wouldn’t do it if you didn’t mean it. So with a tiny smile he pulled you into his arms, taking in the scent of your hair and the warmth of your body, now realizing how much he truly missed you. You both stood there for a while, knowing this was only the beginning of something, neither bad nor good at least he wouldn’t have to be alone. And underneath the setting sun as he held you close he felt a little more whole.

#Bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs imagines #bsd x reader #dazai x reader #dazai osuma #dazai imagines #dazai headcanons #bsd imagines #bsd headcanons

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