#but can they stand any further apart? ugh

[mrsfitzgerald]

22.07.23. video: @kimifillovny 💗

[pretty-circa006]

Mystery Man

Sugar Daddy! Coach! Negan x Cam girl! F! Reader

summary you finally find out who your mystery man is tags online relationship, meeting up with a stranger you met online, making out, almost sex, dirty talk, male masturbation, age gap

wc 3.7k words

part 1

note here's part 2! also thank you so much to all the people that follow me. it makes me really happy to know that that many people like reading what i write! and extra thank yous to the people that leave comments and repost. comments make me so happy, like kicking my feet and giggling happy!

*you are responsible for your own content consumption. if this is something you DO NOT like, simply DO NOT read or interact! :) *

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Ever since her video call a few weeks ago with the man online, they’ve been messaging each other quite frequently. It’s mostly flirtation and nudes, but it has quickly become her favorite part of the day. He even gave her his number so they can communicate outside of the camgirl website, but despite all this, they still haven’t seen each other’s faces. 

“Who’re you texting?” her friend asks as she tries to get a peek of her phone. 

“Nobody,” she snaps, turning her phone away from the other girl’s view. 

“C’mooon, lemme see!” she pushes trying to grab her phone. 

“Britney, stop it!” she urges and she hold her phone away from her nosey friend. Britney glares at her disappointedly, but stops trying to grab her phone. 

“Sorry, it’s just that I wanna keep this relationship kinda private until I know where it’s going, y’know?” she tells her friend half truthfully. 

“Yeah, whatever. I’m gonna go out before Coach Negan starts yelling at us again.” Britney leaves and she can finally resume her texting without any prying eyes. She reopens her messages and sees a picture from the man. He’s shirtless, revealing to her the tattoos on his chest, and palming his erection through his boxers, but of course his face isn’t in it. The text that followed reads Just watched some of your videos. She smiles to herself before typing back maybe one day you’ll get the real thing ;). Before she can get carried away, she shuts off her phone and puts it in her bag before joining the rest of the team out on the field. 

Coach Negan shouts her last name angrily and beckons her over with his hand. She rolls her eyes, feeling irate, and trudges over to him. He stands impatiently with his arms folded over his chest, his hazel eyes glaring down at her. 

“What?” she snaps, coming off a bit ruder than she intended. 

His glare hardens, but he doesn’t say anything about her attitude. “I just thought I’d let you know that this is the third time this week that you’ve been late to practice,” he states the obvious. 

“Okay? I know. Sorry, but things came up. What’s your problem?” she half truths. The things that kept coming up were more messages from her mystery man and she tended to lose track of time when it came to him. 

“It’s actually gonna become your fuckin’ problem because if you keep showing up late, you’re gonna put your track scholarship in jeopardy.” 

“Why is that any of your business‽” she asks defensively. 

“Despite you being my worst student, you are the best on this team, so it does benefit me to keep your rude ass around.” 

She glares up at him, matching the glare he’s already sending her. Shame washes over her, not only from slacking but from having Coach Negan of  all people call her out on it. Her scholarship isn’t something she can afford to lose, literally. Even though it only covers half of her tuition, it still helps a lot. 

“Well if keeping me around benefits you, maybe you should stop being such a dick to me.” 

He laughs sarcastically, exposing the dimples on his face along with his perfect teeth, before his face returns to a deadpan. 

“Or you can just get your shit together. Now go warm up with the others before you piss me off any further.” 

“Ugh!” she screams before leaving to join the others. 

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As soon as she gets to her apartment, she tosses her bag aside and flops down onto her couch. She pulls out her phone and checks her messages with the mystery man to see if she has any new ones. When she sees that she doesn’t, she opens the camgirl website to see if maybe he said anything there. Disappointment swells in her chest when she sees that there’s none there, either. She almost feels dumb for being so hung up on this stranger. The stranger she’s never met in real life and doesn’t know what he looks like. But talking to him makes her feel good, like someone actually cares about her. Even if their conversations were purely flirtatious and sexual, she can’t help but feel something for him. So she sends him a message. 

@ virginesque hey 

@ BigBadWolf Miss me already?

@ virginesque yes actually how was ur day?

@ BigBadWolf It was alright. How about yours baby? 

@ virginesque kinda shitty tbh. school sucks but talking to u makes my day better :)

@ BigBadWolf You must really want another tip, huh lol 

@ BigBadWolf sent $100.00

@ virginesque no, i rlly just wanted to talk to u :( 

@ BigBadWolf Well aren’t you just the cutest. What do you wanna talk about baby?

@ virginesque idk i kinda been wanting to get to know u better. u seem interesting 

@ BigBadWolf Well what do you want to know?

@ virginesque what do you look like???

@ BigBadWolf I don’t even know what you look like haha

@ virginesque fair. how old are u??

@ BigBadWolf 45, you?

@ virginesque 20 but i’ll be 21 soon 

Their conversation strayed away from the usual exchanging of risqué photos and flirtatious banter and instead they got to know each other by taking turns asking questions about one another. It’s almost two in the morning on a week day and their conversation is still going. 

@ BigBadWolf Do you accept gifts? I want to send you a gift

@ virginesque ooooh what is it???

@ BigBadWolf You’ll have to be patient and wait until you get it

@ virginesque fine :( u can send them to my PO box

@ BigBadWolf When you get it, I wanna see it in your next stream 

@ virginesque oh? no private video just for ur eyes?

@ BigBadWolf You can send me a few pictures ;)

@ virginesque cant wait :D

@ BigBadWolf Goodnight babygirl, it was nice chatting with you 

@ virginesque night! ♡♡

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Almost every day since the mystery man said he’s gonna send her a gift, she’s been checking her P.O. box on the way home from school. She’s gotten mail from her subscribers before, but it was usually weird stuff like disgusting fantasies about her, cumsocks, and other depraved things. But she knows her mystery man is nothing like those weirdos, which is why when there’s finally something in her P.O. box, she’s excited. 

As soon as she gets to her apartment she tears open the box and inside is a package from an expensive lingerie company. She tears open the package and inside is a quarter cup bra in a sheer white color with little flowers embroidered on it and a matching g-string. She hurries to the bathroom and changes into it. The bra doesn’t cover anything and even if it did, you could see right through it. What surprises her most is how perfectly each garment fits. She puts on some natural looking makeup before standing before the full length mirror in her bedroom. With her phone, she snaps a few pictures, each one a different pose. 

@ virginesque sent 6 attachments 

@ virginesque u like?

@ BigBadWolf Wow, it fits you perfectly. You look so fuckin sexy

@ virginesque thanks, i love it ♡

@ virginesque im gonna go start my stream now, maybe we can call after ??

@ BigBadWolf Can’t wait :) 

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“You looked so sexy on that stream, doll,” her mystery man compliments. This video call is a lot like their first one. Neither one of them showing their faces with only their bodies in the camera’s frame. 

“Don’t I always?” 

“Of course you fuckin’ do. Every picture you send me tightens my pants.” 

She giggles, smiling like a fool, but luckily he can’t see that. 

“I wish I could be there to help you out. I’d let you fill any hole you wanted.” 

He frees his cock from his sweatpants and from what she can see he doesn’t have any underwear on. 

“What else would you let me do?” he asks, his hardened dick in his large hand. 

“Hmmm, I’d be wearing a cute little dress with nothing underneath…”

“I’d never be able to keep my hands off you.” His hand begins pumping his achingly hard cock. 

“And I wouldn’t want you to. I’d let you take me whenever and wherever you want. Over my kitchen counter, the backseat of a car, the back of a movie theater, anywhere.” 

He lets out a grunt as he urges himself to his peak. “I’d love to fuck you on my motorcycle.” 

“You have a motorcycle? You just got even hotter.” 

“Sure do. I’d be happy to take you for a ride sometime.” He curses as he increases the speed of his hand, successfully making himself cum. 

“I…I know it’s all just dirty talk and fantasies, but would you really wanna take me for a ride?” she shyly asks. 

He pauses for a second, but the anxiety she feels during that pause makes it feel like an eternity. 

“I…I mean, yeah of course, baby, I’d love to,” he stammers. 

“M-maybe if we do…we can make all these fantasies reality,” she seductively suggests. 

“You are getting me hard all over again just thinking about it. I know you live in Virginia since that’s where your P.O. box is and lucky for you, I do, too.”

“I’ll text you my favorite restaurant and we can meet there!”

“How’s this weekend sound?”

“I’ll be there in my little dress with nothing underneath.” 

“And I’ll be there ready to take it off.”

“Five o’clock?” 

They agree on the time before wishing each other a good night and ending the call. 

Saturday felt like it took forever to get here, but when it finally did she started to feel nervous. She stands in front of her closet and looks at the few dresses she has. Deciding on a lavender colored mini sundress, she upholds her promise to her mystery man and wears nothing underneath. She even paints her nails and does her hair and makeup nicely. The reality of the situation dawns on her. She’s really about to meet up with a random man she met online, but for some reason, she trusts him. He’s nothing like the weirdo fans that have sent her weird shit or left creepy, almost threatening comments on her posts and streams. He’s charming, generous, and has a huge dick. What more could she ask for? 

It’s a quarter til five once she gets to the restaurant since she likes to be early. She grabs a table by the window and sends him a message telling him that she’s here and sitting by a window. Someone calling her name causes her to flinch and look up from her phone. 

“Coach Negan? What’re you doing here?” she asks rudely. 

“It’s a goddamn restaurant. I’m obviously here to eat.” 

She sighs and rolls her eyes. “Okay, whatever, bye.” she shoos him away with her hand and pulls out her phone to text the mystery man and ask where he is. He texts back that he’s here and asks where she is. She replies by telling him what she’s wearing. Coach Negan comes back over to her table, but this time he looks shocked and pale. He sits at the table, across from her and looks her in the eyes. 

“You…you’re not virginesque…are you?” he asks dryly. 

As she looks into Negan’s hazel eyes, it feels like her entire world came crashing down around her. Her stomach turns into knots and she’s not hungry anymore. 

“Y-you’re big bad wolf!?” she says shakily. Tears prick at her eyes due to the realization that the mystery man she’s been crushing on is her mean track and field coach. 

He sighs and runs a hand over his face. “Holy fuckin’ shit.” He holds his head in his hands and refuses to look at her. She can’t look at him, nor can she hold back her tears. At the sound of her sniffling, Negan looks up at her. 

“I can’t believe my coach has seen me naked,” she sobs. 

“This isn’t easy for me either. My student has seen my penis!” 

“Why didn’t you tell me it was you!” she asks incredulously. 

“I didn’t know you were you!” he argues. 

“Oh my god, I’ve masturbated in front of you…to you! I…I’ve sent you nudes a-and videos,” she cries into her hands. 

“I’ve sent you dick pics and thousands of fucking dollars!” he bemoans. 

Through their bickering, neither of them notice the waiter approach. “Hi, my name is Tyler and I’ll be your server for tonight,” he places menus, napkins and silverware on their table, “Can I get y’all started with anything to drink?” 

“Not now, Tyler!” she shouts between sobs. He looks at her, offended, before walking off. 

The atmosphere is incredibly and awkwardly tense. Now, Negan has not only seen her naked, but he’s also seen her cry. That man she met on her live stream was nothing like Coach Negan and to see that they’re the same person almost makes her nauseous. Coach Negan is a mean, foul mouthed dick who makes her contemplate dropping out of track and field every time she goes to practice. Her mystery man is caring, charismatic, a gentleman even. 

“Look,” he says, grabbing her attention, “I know this is weird as shit for you because it’s weird for me, too. But the attraction we felt to each other was fuckin’ real.” The more she hears him speak, the stupider she feels for not realizing how similarly he and the mystery man spoke. 

“Yeah,” she agrees, “and I appreciate all the money you’ve sent.” 

He sighs as if he doesn’t want to say what he’s about to say, but says it anyway. “And I do enjoy our late night chats and video calls.” 

“Me too. Talking with you was my favorite part of the day,” she admits, trying not to cry again. 

“I don’t want this to end just because we already knew each other,” he confesses. 

She looks away from him and down at the table, nervously biting her lip. “But you hate me and I’m not the hugest fan of you either. How could we possibly not end this?” 

“I do not hate you. You only know me when I’m your coach. Outside of that, I promise you I am the man you’ve been talking to.” 

She mulls over his words for a moment before taking a chance and letting her worries go. “Good, because I really like him.”

Negan waves the waiter over and they order their food. The atmosphere is less awkward when the food comes and she’s starting to feel comfortable with him being Negan. They finish eating and he covers the bill. 

“Y’know I wasn’t kidding about takin’ you out on my motorcycle,” he tells her with a smirk on his face as they walk out the restaurant. She follows beside him as he takes her to his motorcycle.  

“Wow, it’s nice,” she comments unsurely. 

“What’s wrong? I thought you wanted me to take you for a ride?”

“I do, it’s just that I also wasn’t kidding about wearing a little dress with nothing underneath…” 

He stops in his tracks and turns to look at her. His hazel eyes scan her body and a smirk spreads across his face, bringing attention to his dimples. 

“You are way sexier in person,” he compliments, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. He takes off his leather jacket and ties it around her waist. 

“We won’t go too far, so that should hold you over.” He puts a helmet on her head before putting one on himself. She gets on the bike behind him and he grabs her arms and wraps them around his waist. 

“Hold on tight, baby.” 

He takes off, causing her to hold him even tighter. She watches the scenery pass by as he drives by the coast. The full moon shines beautifully over the ocean as the waves crash along the sandy shore and it soothes her. He stops at an overlook that has an even better view of the beach and climbs off the bike and takes off his helmet before helping her off. She unties his jacket from around her waist and hands it to him, but instead of putting it on, he drapes it over her shoulders, which she's grateful for considering the cool weather. 

"Wow, you really are different when you're not coaching," she teases. He lets out a laugh and wraps his arm around her shoulders and guides her to overpass' railing so they can get a better look at the view. She watches the waves and Negan stands behind her, watching the scenery too. He hugs her around her shoulders, holding her close to his chest. It's an oddly intimate position for people who just met, but when she's not thinking of him as Coach Negan, it feels right. 

"Any other fantasies you wanted to live out tonight?" he whispers in her ear. The feeling of his facial hair and soft lips brushing against the shell of her ear sends tingles down her spine. With his teeth, he gently nips at her ear before pulling away. She turns around to face him and smiles seductively. 

“If I remember correctly,” she bites her lip and slides her hands up his chest before holding onto his broad shoulders, “you said you wanted to fuck me on your motorcycle.” His tongue seductively swipes across his bottom lip before a smirk grows across his face. His big hands slide down her body before cupping her ass. 

“Oh, baby, I was hopin’ you’d say that.”

“Really? Even after you found out I’m the girl you were talking to?” 

“Doll, even before I found your cam girl account, I always thought you were undeniably sexy.”

Warmth spreads across her face at his admission, even though it contradicts the way he treated her during games and practices. 

"Yeah? Well, I can't say I'm disappointed to find out someone as good looking as you is my mystery man," she flirts back. 

He grabs her by the back of her head and pulls her in for a kiss. Having been caught off guard, she gasps, but wraps her arms around his neck and deepens the kiss. His tongue forces its way through her soft lips and she welcomes the intrusion. He picks her up by the backs of her thighs and she reflexively wraps her legs around his waist. She can feel his hard-on through his jeans against her bare pussy, causing her to moan into his mouth. The need to breathe forces her to pull away from him. 

“Negan,” she pants, “I want you to touch me, please!” 

“Patience, baby,” he urges. She pouts and grips his shoulders tightly as she grinds against his clothed erection. Negan lets out a repressed grunt, suddenly regretting asking her to be patient. He carries her back over to his motorcycle and sets her down. He pulls his jacket off of her and hangs it on the handlebars. 

“You look so goddamn delicious in that little dress,” he states as he ogles her. 

“Wore it just for you.”

“I can’t wait to unwrap my present.” A cheeky, dimpled smile lights up across his face as he unzips the back of her dress and peels it off of her body, revealing her naked body to him. Eagerly, she undoes his belt, then his jeans, then pulls his hard cock from his boxers. 

“Wow, it looks bigger than it did on video call.” 

“Just wait til you feel it filling that pretty little pussy.” He sits on the seat of the bike and pats his lap. 

“Wanna ride me on my motorcycle,” he jokes. Her eyes drop to his cock before smiling up at him and eagerly nodding. 

“Go grab a condom out of my jacket pocket.”  She does as he says and hands the condom to him to which he rolls it on. Excitement had filled her mind up until this very moment because now nervousness is taking over. He helps her climb onto his lap and positions her over his dick. He teases her slick folds with his tip, causing her to tighten her grip on his shoulders. Her heart pounds wildly in her chest once she feels him line his tip up with her entrance. 

“You okay?” he asks, his hazel eyes filled with concern. The tense look on her face didn't go unnoticed by him.

“Y-yeah.” 

“Baby, we don’t have to do this.” 

“No! No, I want to. It…It’s just that this is my first time.”

He pauses and rubs a hand over his face. She can’t read his expression as he stares into her eyes. 

“You’re a fuckin’ virgin?” 

“Uh, yeah? It’s kinda in my username on the cam girl site.”

“Yeah, but it’s virginesque, which kinda implies that you’re not really a virgin,” he explains. 

“I know, that’s the point.” 

“I don’t get it…” 

“Well, I’ve never had sex before, but with all the toys I’ve used and stuff I’ve done as a cam girl, I don’t really feel like a virgin." 

“Oh my fuckin god,” he sighs as he urges her to get up. She grabs her dress from off the ground and puts it back on as Negan fixes his pants. Her heart’s still racing, but this time, instead of awaiting Negan’s dick, she’s waiting for his next words. 

“I-is that a problem‽”

“Kinda, yeah. I can’t fuck a virgin on my bike at an overpass in the middle of the fuckin night. Isn’t your first time supposed to be special and with someone you love or some shit like that?” 

“Well what if this is how I wanna have my first time?” 

“There’s better ways!” He argues. 

“Like what?”

The look in his eyes is dark as a smirk spreads across his face. He steps closer to her, his tongue salaciously gliding across his bottom lip. He leans down to whisper in her ear, his lips gently brushing against the shell. 

“What if I fucked you on your livestream. Showed all those pathetic excuses of men you have for viewers that their tiny little cocks could never please you the way I can. Show them that I’m the first man to ever fuck you.” 

Her face blooms with heat and her stomach flutters at his words. She was afraid he was going to completely turn her away, but instead he embraced it. 

part 3 ➢

[gothic-thoughts]

Hello! 👋🏾 Your knight!Ghost and Princess!reader was so fun to read｡⁠:ﾟ⁠(⁠;⁠´⁠∩⁠`⁠;⁠)ﾟ⁠:⁠｡

If you feel like it, Could you do a continuation? Like where ghost escorts her through the village because she kept complaining about it( and maybe they do something semi-public, like in the carriage or any alleyway)

Or maybe something risky in the palace, or just furthering their escapades in her bedroomJust some ideas!

I write too, so I get if you're not inspired by this or if you are and it takes a while lol

just hope it sparked some ideas(⁠*⁠˘⁠︶⁠˘⁠*⁠)⁠.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡

All of them did thx sm 🙏🏾💙💙 I made this story a lot deeper than it was 😅😅 long story incoming

Part 1 is right here, but it's not required to read this tho

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The Truth

Ghost Riley x Black Fem Reader Angsty Smut

MDNI, Virgin!Reader, Princess!Reader, Black Knight!Ghost

CW: a lil angsty corruption kink??, semi-public smashing (castle library), afab parts, talking through it, fingering, riding

Word Count: 2525 (give or take)

Even after Ghost touched her in the bathtub, the Princess was still hellbent on seeing the fountain near the village entrance or the village in general, and not just from her balcony. The Black Knight wasn’t verbally rejecting her request anymore, opting to stand there with folded arms and cold eyes.

"What the hell is so special about that damn fountain, anyway?"

“I don't know! I’ve seen people throw coins into it after making a wish and I have to try it! It’s unfair!”

"What’s unfair is you being so hellbent on getting yourself killed. Are you in denial at how dangerous your town is?”

“Ugh, now you sound like my father; it's our village, why would my people want to hurt me?”

He raised his eyebrows as his eyes widened.

"You...think... the people in this village actually care about you?"

“Um, of course they do.” She laughs, backing up, “Did you forget I’m the princess? They may not know me to love me, but they surely care.”

"Oh they care alright— they care how easy you’ll be to rob... or worse.”

“Oh please, Simon, that’s a bit dramatic.”

“The moment you walk out there unprotected, they'd rip you apart. Just be thankful you haven’t been caught by anyone out there when you sneak out."

“I don't believe that...”

"You don't believe it?"

“No.”

“Jesus, your father’s a worse King than I thought. Makes sense he’s an even worse father.”

“Hey! He may be a pain, but watch your tongue.”

“I’ll watch my tone when he goes back in time and tells his daughter what people do when they’re desperate, especially the people in this town. Because I can tell you holding people for ransom, robbing and even killing is never off the table— they might even do it for fun.”

“Simon, stop!”

He laughs, “You know what, I’ll teach you myself. Maybe there’s a book in the library on betrayal and human nature.”

“You mean any book in there that I somehow haven't read a thousand times?”

“Let’s go, it'll give you something to do besides complain and piss me off all night."

Ghost steps out of the way to reveal the door across her room, gesturing for her to take the lead, allowing (Y/n) to lead. Once in the library, the Princess walked through the biology books, calling out everyone that she’d read already— and she was right, it was most if not all. They then moved to the history book aisle, her fingers skimming past all the books' spines while her guard followed close behind silently, watching.

“Find anything yet?”

She groans, turning to face him. “Of course not, maybe because I read all these already! Ugh, besides some of them are missing.”

Ghost raised an eyebrow, “What do you mean missing?”

“These books have been lost for forever, I think.”

“And nobody has tried to look for them?"

“I don't know, my father told me they went missing around the time he became King.”

“Around? Lost? What could've possibly happened to these books for them to just disappear?"

“I don't know, perhaps they were lost in the move...”

He almost laughs, "Lost in the move?"

“Don’t laugh! He’s not of royal blood, he was elected in by the old King before he passed!”

“Oh, I know; the biggest news in the land was when a common blacksmith took his place.”

“Simon—” 

“But you’ve never seen a bookstore, so you wouldn’t know that most books don’t look like...” He gestures to the golden spines on the shelves, “...This. So a common blacksmith couldn’t have bought them.” 

“I... I-I don’t know! I never really noticed or thought about until now... I was too young and they’re just books so I never asked again...”

"Good, you're learning.”

“Why would he hide books...?”

Ghost crossed his arms, giving (Y/n) a look as if it were a rhetorical question.

"Do you really have to ask? There is a reason he keeps you in this castle, isolated and dumb like this."

She blinks, “...Because I'm young...?”

“Because your father knows what those villagers are capable of."

“But all the times I snuck out, the few people I met were nice... They had to have known, the only I don't wear is my jewelry.”

"Why’s that?”

“In case something falls off while I'm sneaking out and leaves evidence to my routes...”

He chuckled, "You may be craftier than I initially thought."

“I'm naïve, not stupid.”

The Princess starts to walk to the bookkeeper’s desk to see if the books are over there, impressing Ghost with her newfound determination. She climbs over the desk and crouches under to look for the books and to her surprise, there is a stack of missing books sitting right where the bookkeeper would be standing. She gasps and grabs them, standing back up to place the 10 books on the desk for Ghost to see while she reads off the titles.

“So, she...” (Y/n) trails off, “The bookkeeper knew about this too...”

"Do you trust her?”

“I trust all the staff... at least I did.” The Princess gasps, “That's why he hired you to watch me— cuz a Black Knight wouldn't be as lenient with me as a palace guard.”

He smiled and uncrossed his arms. "You're catching on, Princess. Well done."

“Should I read them...? I feel like it maybe too much information, especially in one night.”

“I could give you a summary of what might be in those books.”

“What, then tell me!”

"Do you really want to hear my thoughts, Princess?”

“Yes, all of them, everything.” 

“You aren't going to like it.”

“That’s probably why it was hidden from me, isn’t it?”

The Princess carefully jumps back over the desk and adjusts her nightgown before walking over to the lounging area of the library, causing a sly smirk to slowly form on his lips somewhat amused by her eagerness. She sat on the couch closest to the fireplace while Ghost stood in front of the couch opposite of her, silently gathering his thoughts before walking closer to (Y/n)’s sitting form.

"Your people are not kind." His boots thumped as he walked closer, “You're smart to sneak out at night because not only will the guards bring you back, but your townspeople are some of the most aggressive, opportunistic people I've ever encountered."

(Y/n)’s smile fades, eyes widening as they search his eyes for any sign of a joke.

"Maybe it was the King before your father or the one before that, but your father has yet to try to do anything about it.”

“Well, he—” 

“And he won't." He knelt before the couch and looked her straight in the eyes, "And you know how I know?"

She swallows thickly, shaking her head. Ghost leans closer, his hands gripping the arm of the couch as he leans forward.

"Because in the time he became king to right this second, he had a goddamn daughter that's now 20 years old.”

Her jaw dropped with a sharp inhale. Her eyes slowly drifted to the floor where he was crouching, heart panging as a sick feeling of guilt bubbled in the pit of her stomach.

“He had over 2 decades to do something about the people in this town— but didn't. And now here you are, sitting in this palace not knowing a goddamn thing about the place you're meant to rule.”

“He wouldn’t, he’s just... He....”

“Now, I don't blame you, how could I? You're the only one who's in the dark about all this because he doesn't want his ‘precious daughter’ hurt.”

“See? He cares... about me at least...” 

“And I don’t doubt he was going to keep this from you until you became Queen to make it your burden."

“What, no... My father—”

“Planned on teaching you nothing before shoving you into your new position? That's why I hate him-- that's why I could give a damn about consequences, ‘cuz there are none. Not even for touching his daughter in her bathtub."

(Y/n) gasps, looking back up with wide eyes and a burning face, the sight forcing an amused smirk to appear under the Black Knight’s mask.

"Oh don't look so horrified.” He rested his hand on her thigh, caressing the inside just like he did in the bath, “Remember, you tried to seduce me first."

Her thighs tremble, closing under the blue silk of the sleeping gown, “Then you already got your revenge; you don't have to taunt like this.”

"I'm not taunting you, Princess. Merely telling you all my thoughts, just like you asked. And I do so enjoy how easy it is to get a rise out of you.”

He continued to rub his hand along her inner thigh, a sly smile under that skull mask of his.

She scoffs, “But when I do so, it's wrong...”

"You need to be careful how you go about things, Princess.”

“Oh is that so?”

“Yes. For example, your method of 'accidentally' forgetting your towel is a very subtle tactic and if I was one of your stupid palace guards, I would've fallen for it. But mine...” He suddenly gripped her thigh firmly and separated it from the other, making her gasp, “Is much more direct.”

“Then.... You should teach me more...”

He chuckled softly and shook his head, his hand started to slowly slide further up her thigh, “And what makes you think I'd be willing to teach you a goddamn things like this?”

“Because you're the only one that's taught me anything.”

He paused for a second to think. 

"Put your legs on my shoulders and lean back."

“R-Right now?”

“No time like present. Especially, we’re less likely to get found.”

Looking down at him, the Princess slowly leans back on the couch and places the soles of her feet on him, the chill of his armored shoulders making her shiver. He smiled under his mask as his hand slipped under her gown to trace small circles on the inside of her thighs. He slowly lifted the silk over his head and pulled her hips closer to the edge of the couch cushions until he was sure she couldn't see his face before finally tugging his mask under his chin. She gasps when he tugs her underwear to the side before gripping the armrest of the couch at the feeling of his warm, plump lips wrapping around her tiny bud.

Ghost’s tongue gently caresses sensitive clit in circles in a way her fingers have never done. She looked down at her dress where his head was with a slack jaw in shock at his ability to make her feel this good already. His fingers were one thing but this was another. Every lick and swirl of his tongue was another whine or squirm from her, causing Ghost to grip her thighs even firmer.

“O-Oh my gods... How are you...?”

“Hush... Shh...” His voice was muffled, his mouth refusing to stop, “Just feel...”

“But it’s too good... I don’t know what to do...”

She could feel her smirk against her folds before sucking harder until her legs tremble as they try to close around his head. Try. He closes his eyes as he angles her hips upward to be able to push his tongue inside, slurping and flicking her insides with soft grunts from under her sleeping gown. (Y/n)’s hips buck and stutter until she finally cums with a yelp of his name.

He retracts his tongue from her and watches her cunt pulse while listening to her pants and gasps from inside the silk. He then drags his tongue across her folds one last time, cleaning off her excess slick before pulling his mask back up and standing up to nonchalantly sit next to her quivering body. She pants, turning her head to aim her glassy eyes at him. 

“Wh-what now?”

“Now...” He slowly undoes his belt, “You’re gonna sit on my lap and give yourself some pleasure.”

“But I thought the man was supposed to be on top of the woman.”

Ghost chuckles, “That’s one way of doing it. But I don’t wanna be too rough on you for your first time so I’ll let you take over. So c’mon, you’re wet enough.”

(Y/n)’s eyes widen as his hand reaches into his pants and pulls out his hard cock, letting it stand erect from his pants. She takes a deep breath.

“So that’s why you...”

“Ate you out? Part of the reason; it’s also just a way to get you even more turned on.”

The Princess slowly climbs onto Ghost’s lap and straddles him while holding his shoulders to keep her soaking wet cunt hovered above his tip. His chin was angled up, observing how her nervous gaze looked all around, seemingly worried about his size so the knight softly grabbed her hips to get her attention.

“Oi.”

“Y-yeah?”

“Relax... Remember, you’re in control and I’m right here.”

With that notion, she slowly lowered herself onto him, biting her lip to keep her discomforting groans from echoing in the library. Her fingers dug into the metal of his shoulder armor as her body adjusted to him—  the slick from her earlier orgasm helping like he said it would and more than she thought. Her face contorted in displeasure, her eyes shut tight from every inch but suddenly fly open when his cockhead hits something inside her— something his fingers and tongue hit, but somehow even better. The Black Knight stifles his laugh with a groan.

“You felt that huh?” His voice drops to a whisper, “Hit it again.”

With the guidance of his hands, the Princess lifts and drops herself on his cock, hitting her spot over and over again and understanding what he meant by giving herself some pleasure. Her eyes flutter shut again as she creates her own slow, steady rhythm up and down on his lap, her ass lightly slapping against his thighs with each drop. Ghost groans, making her open her eyes in time to see his head tilt back on the couch with his own eyes shut.

“Are you alright?”

“Never better....” He pants, “Never fucking better, just keep going.”

“Can I go faster?”

“Fuck, please yes.”

Her hands grip his shoulders harder and she bounces faster, whimpering at the way his thick, veiny shaft drags against her walls. His pants come through his mask, making his hands tighten on her hips. The Princess leans forward to rest her forehead on his shoulder to which he pulls her closer, pressing their chests together. His arms wrap around her and his hands hold her ass cheeks to help her bounce faster, their grunts and moans softly echoing off the walls along with the slapping crackling of the fireplace. It wasn’t long before her hips started to grind back and forth on his lap to fight off the growing pressure in her body.

“No, keep going. That’s a good thing.” He murmurs, loving the fluttering clenches around his cock, “A great fuckin’ thing, keep doing that ‘til you’re done.”

“What about—”

“I’m the teacher, all you gotta worry about is keeping that pretty voice down.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(a/n): sorry its so late loves, I got a cold and then a job lmao🤣😂

[its-avalon-08]

Newfound lando lover🙋🏾‍♀️ reporting back for duty to send in my first request 🤩

Would love a period comfort fic (I’m currently in the trenches) with tons of cuddles I need my cramps being rubbed away and perhaps some good ol emotional support for out of control hormones aka crying out of nowhere

My holy trinity rn is Daniel, Carlos, and Lando so any of them would be great 😍

I have no clue if you’ve done this before since I have yet to go through your whole master list, so sorry if you did it alr 🥲

Thankssss🙇🏾‍♀️

heat packs and cuddles (cs55)

✦ pairing - carlos sainz x female!reader

✦ genre - fluff, period pain, comfort

Y/n winced as a familiar ache bloomed in her lower abdomen. Groaning, she tossed the duvet off, only to be met with Carlos' sunshine smile.

"Morning, sunshine," he chirped, his voice husky from sleep.

"Ugh, not exactly sunshine today, babe," Y/n mumbled, burying her face back into the pillow.

Carlos' smile faltered a touch. He crawled closer, concern etching lines on his forehead. "What's wrong? Did you sleep badly?"

"Aunt Flo decided to visit," Y/n muttered, the code phrase they'd established for her period.

Carlos' face softened even further. "Oh, love, that sucks. Cramps?"

"The worst," Y/n whimpered.

"Here," Carlos said, gently pulling her into a sitting position. He grabbed a heating pad from the nightstand and placed it on her stomach. "This should help ease the pain a bit."

Y/n sighed in relief as the warmth seeped into her. Carlos then started gently massaging her lower back, his touch light and soothing.

"You're an angel," Y/n mumbled, snuggling against him.

"Anything for you, mi amor," Carlos replied, placing a soft kiss on her temple. "How about some tea? Ginger helps with cramps, right?"

"You're a walking encyclopedia of period knowledge," Y/n teased weakly.

Carlos chuckled. "My sister schooled me well. Plus, I would do anything to make you feel better."

He padded to the kitchen and soon returned with steaming mugs. Y/n took a sip of the ginger tea, surprised by how much it calmed her stomach.

Suddenly, a wave of frustration washed over her. "This is so annoying," Y/n mumbled, throwing the covers off again.

Carlos put down his mug, his brow furrowed. "What is, love?"

"Everything! I can't wear that cute skirt today, and I have a million errands to run..." Y/n trailed off, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Hey, hey," Carlos soothed, pulling her back into his arms. "It's okay to feel frustrated. Just let it out if you need to."

Tears spilled down Y/n's cheeks, and a sob escaped her lips. Carlos held her tightly, whispering comforting words in her ear. He didn't try to fix it, just offered his presence and support.

After a while, Y/n's sobs subsided into sniffles. Pulling back, Carlos wiped her tears with his thumbs.

"Feeling a little better?" he asked gently.

Y/n nodded, a watery smile forming on her lips. "Yeah, thanks to you."

"We can reschedule those errands," Carlos said. "How about we order breakfast in? Pancakes or waffles sound good?"

"Definitely waffles," Y/n declared, a spark returning to her eyes.

As they cuddled up on the couch, Carlos spooning her with the warm waffles, Y/n couldn't help but feel incredibly lucky. Periods might be annoying, but having Carlos by her side made them a whole lot more bearable.

add on scene ft. lando norris!

The apartment door slammed shut, rattling pictures on the wall. Carlos poked his head out of the kitchen, spatula in hand. "Everything alright, love?"

Y/n stormed past him, muttering under her breath. "He could have just been more careful!"

Carlos spotted Lando standing sheepishly by the window, a box of tampons in his hand. Understanding dawned.

"Lando, what happened?" Carlos asked, raising an eyebrow.

Lando sighed. "She thought I called her clumsy because she tripped over the rug. I was just trying to explain the floor was slippery after I mopped."

Carlos couldn't help but grin. Y/n's period mood swings were legendary. He grabbed a mug and walked towards Lando, who looked like he'd just been scolded by a headmaster.

"Here," Carlos offered, pouring him a cup of tea. "She can be a bit… intense. Let me handle this."

Carlos walked into the bedroom, finding Y/n curled up in a ball, a half-eaten chocolate bar smeared on her cheek.

"Hey," he said softly, sitting down on the bed. "Want to talk about it?"

Y/n sniffed. "He called me clumsy!"

Carlos suppressed a smile. "Land was just worried about you slipping, love. Remember that wet floor sign?"

Y/n glared, but a flicker of doubt played in her eyes. "Maybe…"

"Here's a thought," Carlos suggested, pulling her close. "Why don't you say a small sorry? And then we can cuddle and watch that cheesy rom-com you love?"

Y/n hesitated, then sighed. "Fine. But only because I miss our movie nights."

Carlos chuckled. "That's the spirit."

He helped her out of bed and nudged her towards the living room. Lando looked up, eyes widening. Y/n mumbled an apology, cheeks flushed. Lando simply smiled.

"No worries, Y/n," he said. "Maybe next time I'll just warn Carlos to pre-warn you about the floor."

Carlos and Lando exchanged a look, both bursting into laughter. "Sounds like a plan," Carlos replied.

Later that night, as Y/n snored softly, nestled against Carlos' side, he watched Lando through lowered eyelids.

"You're a lucky guy, Sainz," Lando whispered, shaking his head.

"Tell me about it," Carlos grinned, pulling Y/n closer. "Wouldn't have it any other way."

[rinhaler]

luxe, hear this anon out. rin with a crybaby type of reader who cries when they feel too good. just imagine him unlocking the fact realizing that he gets turned on by their crying when they're sputtering and choking on his cock <33

apologies if im a bit deranged about this

- jellyfish anon

okay I cannot express how sexy this request is. I NEED him in a way that undoes centuries worth of feminism I fear :( also apologies I'm not that best at writing BJs but I hope u like! (slightly inspired by scream vi)

warnings: 18+ MDNI, fem!reader, oral (m receiving), dacryphilia, praise, slut used once, alcohol mention, reader has long hair/hair long enough to do a makeshift ponytail ♡

words: 1.9k

“You shou— talk to ‘im—” your friend slurs, giggling as you help her sit down on your couch. You laugh a little as she falls from your grip and spreads out comfortably on the sofa beneath her. “Look, he’s looking!” she yells a little too loudly and points.

You shush her, carefully moving her hand to her lap before looking to where she had been pointing. Your neighbour had been looking from his window into yours for a little bit, smirking a little when he finally notices you looking back. He’s doing dishes in the sink, and it gives you the idea to get your friend some water.

“He’s been giving you fuck me eyes f-for weeks! Every time I come over he’s always—”

“Maybe you shouldn’t point and make it so obvious, babe.” you laugh, handing a glass full of water to her. “He’s just being friendly. Besides, I’m not really ready to date or anything yet. I’m just having fun hanging out with my bestie.” you tease her, nudging her with your elbow.

She pouts, eyes filling with water before she hugs you. She’s always been an emotional drunk, and soon enough she’s confessing how much she adores you and what a perfect best friend you are.

“Do you have any snacks? Wan’ some chocolate.” she tells you. You shake your head. “Ugh. Ooooh! You should go ask hot guy if he has any!” she suggests, kicking her feet and giggling all the while.

You look elsewhere. In the direction of hot guy. But he’s not at the window anymore. He’s probably in bed, it is pretty late. You hadn’t expected to be getting home after midnight from your cousins wedding given that you aren’t really that close. But bringing your best friend as a plus one extended the time you spent there.

There was an open bar.

“I’ll go to the store. What kind of chocolate do you want?” you ask.

“Surprise me.” she smiles. “Thaaaaank youuuuuu~!” she speaks in a sing-song voice.

“Don’t burn my apartment down while I’m gone.” you warn her, pretending to scowl at her before you laugh at yourself. She nods, eyes fluttering closed as her body sinks further and further into the couch.

You grab your keys and head out of the front door. If you were smart, you would have ordered dessert. There’s no way you should be leaving the safety of your apartment so late and stepping out into the city. But it’s just around the corner, that’s what you’re telling yourself. Nothing bad can happen to you if you just hurry.

As you reach the bottom floor, you recognise the man standing by the mailboxes near the entrance to your apartment building. He hasn’t noticed you, though, and why would he? He’s occupied sifting through the letters in his hands. You take a shallow breath, mentally preparing yourself for the dangers of going outside.

He raises his head as he smells your perfume when you walk by.

You gasp, feeling his hand dig into the flesh of your upper arm before he pulls you closer to him. It’s hard to even figure out what your thoughts are as you feel your back connect with rows of metal mailboxes. And before you can greet him, his lips are on yours.

You smile into the kiss, a hand cups your face as he presses his body a little harder into yours. He smiles back when he hears a soft little moan escape you at the feeling of being trapped against him. A sound from a higher floor frightens you, you turn your head and move away from him.

“Sorry, I thought my friend might be—”

“Hey,” he grabs your wrist and makes you face him. “You’re too ashamed being seen with me?” he smiles a little, teasing you. You smile back, shaking your head in protest.

“No it’s not that!” you tell him. “I better get going, though. She’s drunk and wants some chocolate.”

“You’re not going out on your own.” he speaks. It’s commanding, his voice filled with care and concern and it makes you weak at the knees. “Do you know that you can order snacks?”

“Uh, no, I've never heard of that.” you roll your eyes and speak sarcastically, earning a laugh from him.

“Maybe you should come upstairs with me, and I’ll show you how to do it.” he tells you, approaching you again. Your voice gets trapped in your throat as he looks down at you, and you find yourself nodding before even thinking about your answer. He smiles, though, kissing you deeply at your response. A sweet sort of praise for delivering an answer he’s happy to hear.

He takes your hand, guiding you up to his apartment.

“Done.” he smiles, putting his phone down on the counter. “I ordered pizza and your friend’s chocolate.”

“Perfect, thank you, Rin.” you thank him, “It’ll probably be a while… what shall we do in the meantime?”

“You know…” he starts, closing the gap between you. “I’ve really missed you all day.”

“Yeah? Ah—!” your voice gets caught in your throat as you feel him pick you up with ease. You wrap your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck as he carries you. You’ve missed him, too. You’ve never put a label on whatever this is. But as far as you’re concerned, it’s just fun. It’s easy. And it’s good.

He is good.

He sits on the couch with you straddling him. A little groan leaves his lips as yours stray to kiss down the column of his neck. His hips roll up, the outline of his cock rubs into your wanting core. His eyes are glued to you as your kisses descend his body, and he curses himself for not throwing away his sweater before picking you up.

It doesn’t matter though, not when you’re resting between his knees with your hands pawing at his cock. Your eyes are full, wanton whimpers filling every breath you take as you do all you can to quickly undo his belt.

“Can I give you head, baby?” you ask, helping remove his cock from the confines of his jeans. He nods, eagerly, his fingers stroking your scalp through your hair as encouragement.

You’re salivating when his dick is revealed in all of its perfect glory. Flushed pink and pretty and throbbing with lust. An unyielding desire to feel your mouth around it. You lick at the oozing pearlescent pre gathering at his slit. The moan he emits at the feeling rushes straight to your cunt. Your hand flies under your dress and beneath your sopping panties, Rin’s cheeks fill with a pink tint at the sight. He hadn’t expected you to touch yourself, his ego climbs heights he hadn’t thought possible at your overzealous act.

“Baby, please… please suck my cock.” he begs. You nod, mewling as you sink your mouth entirely onto him. “F-uck. Good girl, such a good girl.” he groans. You feel his hand cup your face, angling your vision so that your watery eyes are focused on him. He sees the pleasure building in you as you stare back at him.

Your little fingers aren’t enough to satiate the burning need pulsating at your core. But seeing Rin’s facial expressions are more than enough to keep you motivated. You want to make him proud. You want to make him cum. You take his cock entirely down your throat, and pride fills your body when he throws his head back.

He looks down at you, and he bites at his lower lip as you suck and choke around his length, tears spilling over your lash line as you take him more and more.

“Fuck, baby, you like this?” he asks, and you nod without hesitation. He thrusts his hips and fucks into your face until you’re choking on him. His hand grips into your hair and forms a makeshift ponytail as he continues to pound into your mouth like you’re his own personal fuck toy. He pulls you away reluctantly, giving you a chance to breathe. Though that isn’t why he did it. He wants to hear how good you feel. He wants to study the tears welling at your eyes. “You’re such a cute slut for me… cryin’ for my cock? Fucking adorable.” he grins.

You sob, unable to stop yourself. You rest your hands on his thighs as you sniffle, allowing him the time to really enjoy how pathetic and desperate you are.

“Love making you feel good…” you speak, shyly. “I—”

You don’t get the chance to speak anymore when he forces you back down on his cock. His eyes are heavy and filled with lust as he carries on rutting his hips into your face. You can’t stop yourself from twirling your fingers through his dark pubes. It’s the only thing keeping you grounded in reality as the feeling of his cock entirely takes over every synapse in your brain.

It’s unrelenting. He can’t stop himself as the tears continue to fall. Fat tears rolling without end down your hollowed cheeks. He batters his length into your drooling mouth, a mixture of spit and pre rolling down your chin and coating his balls as he repeatedly slams himself in and out. His thick length clogs your airways with each thrust. He can’t believe the pretty, lewd noises leaving you as you do your best to take him. The sputtering doesn’t cease, and knowing he’s so big that you can’t help but gag is making him mad with lust.

He holds your head with both of his large hands, keeping you in place as he fucks his length down your throat.

“Fuck, fuck, baby. Take it, ‘m cumming.” he warns you, a loud grunt following as ropes of tangy white cream spurt down your throat before you can barely get a taste. You show him your empty mouth, and he kisses your forehead in response. You hear your phone buzz, your head turning to acknowledge the sound. But he pulls you back, lifting you onto his lap before standing up with you in his hold. “I got carried away.” he kisses your lips.

“No it’s okay, I had fun.” you smile, kissing him back.

“You make me fucking crazy. Crying like that, over my cock? You’re so sweet.” he tells you, kissing you again. “Have you always been such a cry baby? I like it, a lot.” he whispers before kissing lovingly along your neck. You roll your eyes, kissing him and giggling against his lips. Before you can answer you hear your phone buzz again,

“Sorry, I should check that.” you tell him. He sets you down and tucks his cock back into his underwear and jeans. You smile when you feel him hug you from behind, kissing him before checking your texts.

Bestie 💖: are u still at the shop? hot boy has a gf :( i can see him getting a blowy through the window Bestie 💖: ugh they look so cute i hate her, i rly thought he liked you!!

Your blood runs cold as you feel the vibration of another text coming through. Rin smiles, tucking his head into your neck to offer a calming kiss while you read your texts together.

Bestie 💖: OH MY GOD YOU BITCH! IT’S YOU! YOU FUCKING BITCH!

You reluctantly look up, and Rin does the same. You see your best friend standing by the window with a shocked expression on her face. She holds her phone up and takes quick picture as you and Rin wave at her through the window. You look down to see a notification from her, the picture is now available for your whole Snapchat group chat to see.

“I gotta remember to close my blinds at night.” he laughs.

© 2023 rinitxshi

[dongfuck]

Christmas Miracle - l.jn

pairing: stranger!jeno x fem!reader

genre: fluff, angst, smut

warnings: dom!jeno, slight handjob, finger sucking, teasing, fingering, overstimulation, blowjob, praising, edging, unprotected sex, riding, multiple orgasms, cum inside, messy sex

wc: 4.2k

note: kinda proud of this ngl

taglist: @smuchsmut , @tyongspice1 , @matchahyuck , @goquokka , @nctgirlok297 , @jenojammin , @johnniverse , @jungkooksmamii , @220513080208 , @ablackbtsstan , @melaninjhs

“Pfftt That’s stupid. Stop trying to set me up on blind dates, assholes.” Jeno rolled his eyes at his friends and continued playing his game on his PS5. “You’re so boring, dude. You need to have a little spice in your life y’know?” Haechan nudged Jeno with his elbow. “What, like pussy?” Jeno scoffed in disbelief at his friend. “Yes!” once again, he rolled his eyes before replying, “That’s all you dicks think about, isn’t it? Fucking nincompoops.” without him noticing, Jisung, who has been quiet ever since they got on this topic, finally spoke. “I didn’t say a word!” he crossed his arms to his chest and pouted ever so slightly. “Apart from you, Ji. You’re nothing like them.” Jeno turned around swiftly to flash his signature smile before turning back to focus on his game.

Renjun, on the other hand, didn’t seem too happy about the situation. “Ugh, it’s so annoying that Jeno has a favourite.” he muttered under his breath. “Good luck taking that spot.” Haechan smirked to the boy as he popped a marshmallow in his mouth. “Of course! I’ll even buy you one the next time we go there. Mhm. What? No, it’s okay! I’ll manage.” Jaemin’s voice was heard faintly from behind them as Jeno turned around in curiosity. “Who’s Jaemin talking to?” he asked the boys. “Probably his girlfriend. They’re literally insufferable.” Chenle shivered visibly and a round of snorts and chuckled were heard. “You haven’t seen Haechan with his.” Mark raised a brow as the thought flooded his mind.

“I’m not as disgusting as they are!” Haechan said loud enough for Jaemin, who just ended his call, to hear. “You hurt my feelings!” Jaemin yelled. “He hurt mine!” the other boy pointed in Mark’s direction as he made a ‘not my fault’ look. “Can you guys shut the fuck up for a minute, please? I’m trying to play my game. God.” Jeno moved one side of his headphones behind his ear to make sure he was hearing everything correctly. “What about you, Jeno? When are you going to get all cringy with your future girlfriend or boyfriend?” Chenle teased with a wiggle of his eyebrows. “That’s it! Get out!” Jeno wore his headphones properly again before the boys broke into a fit of laughter.

“I’m being serious!”

It was exactly three days before Christmas and Jeno was beyond excited to spend another holiday with his relatives and some douchebags. He’s currently standing by his Christmas tree as he searches for any imperfections on it. Walking around and squinting his eyes at the tree, he finally found a crack behind a gold ornament. Too bad, it was his favourite though. “Aw man, why does it have to be this one?” He mumbled to himself before throwing the broken ornament into the box he prepared for things like this. Walking further along the tree, he spotted another one, this time, it looks like someone spilled gorilla glue on it. “These dicks, I swear.” Jeno shook his head side to side and threw the piece into the box.

Long story short, Jeno had needed some help decorating his Christmas tree and he thought that it was a great idea to ask the boys for some help. He knew he couldn’t trust them but at least they got the job done. Not sure where the glue came from though. Taking another round around the tree, he finally finished taking out all the spoiled ornaments. Taking a quick scan at the tree, he noticed that it’s almost half empty. Groaning, he took a peek at the box and thought of the what ifs. What if he hadn’t asked for their help? What if he bought higher quality ornaments? What if he just doesn’t buy a tree at all? Figuring he should probably go shopping for some new ones, he took a mental note to visit town and look for some. Tomorrow. He is not in good shape to leave his house right now. Might as well fall asleep in the middle of the drive.

The next day, Jeno was seen getting dressed in his room to go shopping. He wore a white hoodie with some jeans and who thought that even the simplest of clothing could make heads turn. He sighed before leaving his house with his phone and car keys in hand. Who needs a wallet if you have a phone? Getting into the car, he set a GPS to the nearest department store before driving off. The drive to the store was quiet, except for the soft Christmas music playing through his speakers. Jeno purposely played them from his playlist to sort of get into the Christmas mood. His personal favourite would definitely be ‘Last Christmas’ by Wham! though.

As Jeno listened to the lyrics of the song that said, “Last Christmas, I gave you my heart but the very next day, you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears, I’ll give it to someone special.”, he suddenly chuckled to himself as he looked out the front window. “Not gonna happen.” All of a sudden, there was a ring coming from his phone which he startled himself with. “Who the fuck?” he furrowed his brows before lifting his phone and pressing the green button on it. Don’t worry, he’s got his eyes on the road. “What do you want?” he said harshly into the phone. “You didn’t have to be so mean.” a girl from the other line spoke with arrogant laced in her voice.

“I asked you a question.” Jeno was already starting to get tired of his ex’s voice and he really felt like ending the call right then and there. “I’m getting married on Christmas and I just thought that maybe you’d be interested to attend my wedding.” when Jeno didn’t respond, she continued explaining the details of her upcoming wedding. “This invitation is very limited ‘cause not everyone is gonna be invited. I’ll even save you a seat if you decide to come. You can bring your girlfriend too if you have one.” at that, Jeno scoffed incoherently and rolled his eyes. Of course not everyone’s gonna be invited. Not everyone cares about you. “I’m busy on Christmas.” he shortly responded. “Oh— I mean of course you are, it is Christmas. But if you ever change your mind you can—” she wasn’t able to finish her sentence when Jeno cut her off.

“Why are you making me feel like obligated to be there? It’s your wedding and you’re not someone I’m personally close to so stop pressuring me to attend.” he spat out calmly. He knew he was a little overreacting but he just can’t help it when she’s so far up his ass. Memories of how she treated him just starts to flood back in and all he could feel was rage. “Jeno I… I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. I was just trying to—” groaning loudly, Jeno annoyedly said, “Just have your wedding done and get it over with. I don’t wanna hear from you anymore.” and with that he ends the call. Don’t get me wrong, Jeno isn’t always like this but something about her just irks him in a way he’s never felt before.

He hated her. No matter how many exes he’s had, she’ll always be the worse. She’s upset him in the most ridiculous ways ever but he always held back. Until one day, he decides to end things off during an argument and boy was the look on her face priceless. She was undeniably shocked but soon her face turned into disgust and horror and Jeno almost felt bad for what he said but fortunately, he stood his ground and didn’t let his feelings get to him. And that’s how he ends up here. In the car, on the way to a nearby department store to pick up some decorations for his half empty tree that seemed to be taking forever.

Finally, Jeno parked his car in a very convenient spot right by the store before getting out of it and walking into the said store. He was immediately greeted with beautiful Christmas themed everything and there were quite the amount of people too. Walking further into the place, he looked around for the Christmas section until he finally found it right at the end of the trail. As he looked through the tree ornaments, he was astonished to see how low the prices were for a box of beautiful and unique decorations. He ponded on the thought of getting some for his friends but they probably wouldn’t need it anyway so he settles on getting just one.

On the spur of the moment, Jeno suddenly gets reminded that he hadn’t got any presents for anyone! Looking distraught, he immediately went and took a basket and started to look for things to gift. After a while of searching and looking, he finally got the perfect presents for the perfect people. Here are a part of the gifts he bought. A shaver for Haechan, a painting set for Renjun, a film camera for Jaemin (he always wanted one), a pair of sunglasses for Chenle, a speaker for Jisung, and a blanket for Mark. Yeah, he couldn’t really think of anything else for Mark and a guitar would definitely leave a hole in his wallet. Or at least in Jeno’s case, his phone.

After paying for the items and thanking the cashier, Jeno walked out of the store with a cheery feeling in him. That’s when he saw a woman struggling with the bags in her hand. “Ah shit, these really are going to kill me one day.” he’d heard her say. At first he didn’t care too much about it but when he noticed her walking to the exact direction as he was, he thought that maybe lending a hand wouldn’t hurt. So he walked up to her and offered some help. “Hey. Let me help you with that.” he said. “Oh— it’s fine I can—” before she could say anything more, Jeno had already took some of the bags in his free hand and began walking with her. “Where’s your car?” he asked as they walked awkwardly.

“Just right there.” she lifted a heavy hand and pointed to the car right next to his. “Oh that’s convenient. We’re parked next to each other.” Jeno smiled and looked at her which she shyly returned. Reaching her car, she put down the bags and unlocked her car before starting to load it with the mentioned bags. “Thanks for helping me. I really appreciate it.” the woman thanked him once she finished. “It’s my pleasure.” he said and walked away with a smile carved onto his face. Helping people really do make you happy. Getting into his own car, he couldn’t stop thinking about the woman he just helped and silently regretted not asking for her number but he knew that if God was willing to give him a chance, he’d meet her again.

The next two days went by in a flash and without anyone noticing, there’s only about 6 hours until Christmas. Jeno is currently spending time with his fellow mates at a local pub. “So what do you guys wanna do before it’s finally Christmas?” Chenle spoke with a sip of his beer. “I don’t know. Chill?” Mark suggested as he shrugged. “What the fuck do you mean by chill? We should have some fun! Go ice skating or bowling or something.” Haechan excitedly exclaimed. “If you wanted to do all those things, you should’ve said that sooner like I don’t know, yesterday?? Not when there’s less than a day ‘till Christmas you idiot.” Renjun added with a roll of his eyes. “Excuse me? Did you not read the group chat? I literally invited you guys out but none of you responded to me.” Haechan stated with annoyance.

“I mean like, who would respond to you, right?” Jaemin muttered under his breath but it seemed like everyone heard him when they all started to laugh softly. Except Haechan of course. “How dare you—” he was cut off by none other than Park Jisung himself. “Can we not fight right before Christmas?” Jisung glared at the black haired boy. “I wasn’t going to say anything.” he put his hands up and sipped on his cocktail before they continued chatting normally. Just then, Jeno received a notification on his phone. Lifting the gadget to check it, it was just Instagram letting him know someone had liked his story. Putting it back down, the whole table was suddenly staring at him. Like some kind of horror movie. “Why are you guys staring at me like that?” he gulped his iced lemon tea nervously. Who the fuck orders lemon tea at a pub, gosh.

Suddenly, they all looked interested in the notification he just got. “Is it someone you’re seeing?” Mark smiled mischievously as Jeno’s face turned into a look of pure annoyance. “God, just fucking drop it!” he plead with a hushed yell. “Not until you find someone for yourself. We’re trying to help you! You just look so miserable and lonely after Rina left and we—” Haechan said but stopped when he noticed the shift in Jeno’s demeanour. He knew he shouldn’t have talked about her but it just slipped through his mouth without him even thinking about it. “I’m sure you’ve found yourself interested in someone, right?” Chenle tried to advert the attention from Haechan to avoid any awkward conversations.

Clearing his throat, Jeno threw a look of warning towards Haechan (which he smiled nervously at) before answering Chenle’s question. “Maybe I have. But I’ll probably never see her again so…” he took a sip of his drink once again and stared at the wooden table in front of him. “Oh my God. Are you being for real? What’s she like?” Jisung spoke with curiosity and excitement hidden in his voice. “Well, I’ve only talked and seen her once but she seems like a nice person. Very shy too. And… extremely pretty. She’s not pretty in a sense that she’d make heads turn and be the one everyone looks at in a crowd but rather a very low-key one. Like she’d look really basic if you look at her from afar but from up close, you can really see how beautiful of a person she really is. I might be wrong though. I’m not entirely sure.”

No one said anything when he was talking about the girl he met but deep down, every single one of them knows that he’s finally met the one.

Eight minutes ‘till Christmas and the whole town’s gathered together, waiting for the clock to strike twelve. Jeno was standing with his friends as they talked about their wishes this Christmas. “You shouldn’t say it out loud y’know. It won’t come true then.” Haechan teased the youngest with a sick smile. “Wait— For real? Shit.” Jisung had his eyes wide as he looked everywhere but Haechan. Jeno seemed to be preoccupied on something to even pay attention to the conversation his friends were having. Who’d guess that that something is the girl he’d met a few days prior. She looked beautiful in a brown coat and a beige beanie standing next to what he guessed to be her friend.

They were laughing and chatting with uncountable joy and Jeno couldn’t help but smile slightly at the sight. And within no time at all, he’s standing in front of the two girls smiling brightly at the girl on the right. Not creepy at all. “Uh do you know this guy, Y/n?” your friend whispered into your ear softly. “Yeah, uh… Give us a moment.” and then you pulled Jeno away from the crowd hurriedly. “Hey. You’re the guy that helped me the other day, right?” you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear nervously. “Yeah. Didn’t expect to see you again.” Jeno still maintained the smile on his face. “Well I mean the whole town’s here. Kinda hard not to be here as well y’know.” you laughed a little as you stared at your feet on the ground.

“Right. My bad.” Jeno laughed along with you before he looked down at his watch. Two minutes more and his phone is blowing up with calls from his friends but he decides to put his phone on silent mode. He then clears his throat and looked back at the girl in front of him with soft eyes. “Look. I’m going to be completely honest with you. Since I saw you the other day, I just knew that I liked you. And I know we don’t really know each other, I mean we don’t even know each other’s names, but I just really wish that we can work things out and love one another.” Well that was quick. Even Jeno himself admits it. You were shocked to say the least and stared at him with wide eyes before the corner of your lips turned into a small smile.

“I think I might like you more than I thought.” and with that your that lips landed on his as you tip-toed to reach his height. Fireworks were blowing up in the sky as the locals start to cheer loudly at the thought of surviving another Christmas with their loved ones. Jeno’s phone (and yours too) was vibrating in an ungodly manner but he didn’t seem to care once his hand slithers around your waist before he pulls you closer to him until your bodies were touching one another. You smiled happily into the kiss and wrapped both of your hands around his neck as you kissed him deeper. Pulling away for air, your foreheads met and within seconds you both were laughing shyly but the fireworks were loud enough to block any sound you let out. “So what’s your name?” Jeno asked with a breathy chuckle. “Y/n. Park Y/n. How about you?” You raised a brow and bit your inner lip softly. “Lee Jeno.” he grinned before pecking your left cheek cheekily. “Well then Merry Christmas, Lee Jeno.” you wished him. “Merry Christmas to you too, Park Y/n.”

And since that night, you guys have been going out more than normal couples do but you both didn’t care. You loved being around one another and sometimes, you just can’t get enough of each other.

Like right now.

When his hands are feeling every inch of you he didn’t get to feel before. His lips are attached to your neck, leaving bruises and red spots so much that you don’t even bother to ask him to stop anymore. Your hand unconsciously found its way into his pants and you’re currently stroking his cock in your palm with your eyes closed. “Fuck, Y/n, faster…” he moaned into your neck before you rubbed your thighs together and began moving your hand up and down his dick at a faster pace, just like he wanted. This action seemed to catch his attention when his right hand suddenly makes its way between your legs and rubs against your clothed heat.

You threw your head back at the touch and all of a sudden, Jeno takes your hand off of him and rips off your last piece of clothing (which just so happens to be your panties) before throwing them somewhere around the room. You were caught off guard by his sudden dominance but that doesn’t mean you didn’t enjoy it. The shriek you let out was whorish but you pretended not to notice when he suddenly takes two fingers and sticks them into your hot mouth. You sucked eagerly at the digits and when he thinks that they’re wet enough, he pulls them from your mouth gently and lead them down to your reddened pussy, leaving a trail of saliva along the way.

Jeno teased your clit multiple times. Pulling and drawing circles around it before finally going to where you needed him the most. He traced your entrance with two of his fingers, making you let out a frustrated moan loud enough for his ears before he enters them excruciatingly slow. “Jeno, please just—” before you could even finish your sentence, he was pumping them in and out of you rapidly and you couldn’t help but grip his arm tightly, leaving red marks around it. “Fuck yeah.” Jeno muttered when hot liquid start to flow out of you. He didn’t want to stop though, he just kept going and going. “Jeno, t-that’s enough.” you tried to push his hands away but he wouldn’t budge. When he began hitting that spot again, you just went completely feral under him. Kicking your legs and tightening your grip around his arm before finally, you came around his fingers once again.

Pulling them out of you after a few last pumps, Jeno took his fingers to his lips and made sure you looked at him as he licked them clean. The gesture was lewd and dirty but you couldn’t help but want more. As you were still in your daze, he leaned against the bed frame and urged you to go to him. Following his instructions, you crawled your way towards him and instinctively pulled his shorts down along with his underwear and placed your hand on his hard dick before beginning to move your hand around it like before. Jeno probably did see it coming but even if he didn’t, he did a good job hiding his surprise when he quickly adjusted to it. His eyes flickered to your face to watch your expressions with heavy breaths before he wordlessly asked you to suck on him.

Taking the hint, you lowered your head and started giving kitten licks to his pink tip and in no time he already has a hand gripping your hair with his head thrown back. Moving further down his length, you tried to take all of him inside your mouth but you knew that it wasn’t possible so you covered the rest with both of your hands. Them synchronising with your mouth movements. Jeno’s grip on your hair softened and he gave small pats and rubs to the top of your head as he mutters praises under his breath. “Such a good girl…” he moaned out. You could literally feel him twitch in you and you knew that he was close. Speeding up your movements, you heard him letting out incoherent phrases before he rapidly shook your head with the grip he had in you.

Deciding to tease him a little, you abruptly took your mouth off of him with an innocent grin plastered on your face. “No— Fuck— Get back down.” He looked puzzled by your actions but you wanted to give him something you think he’ll like more. “Shh… I have something else for you.” you placed your knees at opposite sides of his legs before positioning yourself on his cock. “I love you, Jeno.” and with that you entered him inside you and felt your walls clenching around him. “Fuck!” you both exclaimed in unison before you took a hand and held his shoulders to balance yourself. “S-So… tight…” said Jeno with parted lips. “Mmh…” you sealed your lips to contain your moans as you moved up and down his length at a steady pace.

“Oh fuck yeah.” Jeno opened his shut eyes before taking both of his hands and placing them on either sides of your waist to help you out. He was setting the pace himself and within seconds all you could hear was skin slapping against each other and lewd sounds coming from the both of you. You couldn’t take the pleasure anymore and without you noticing you’ve already came all over him. Jeno noticing this, quickly fucked all the cum back into you and said, “Not yet. You have to wait for me.” he kissed your neck lovingly and licks it every now and then. “Jeno, please I can’t take it anymore…” you whined with a small pout on your lips. “Almost there, baby. Just a little more.” he gripped your waist tighter and gave you a kiss on your wet lips before he finally came in you. Hard.

You could feel his release flowing out of you but Jeno knew better than to leave it so he collects all the cum with his dick and fucks it back into you like before, smearing the remaining white liquid all around you glistening pussy. “You’re the best, Jeno.” you smiled and hugged him tight. “Me? Noo you’re better.” he laughed and hugged you back with a grin on his face. “I wish we can stay like this forever.” your voice was muffled in his neck and you were beginning to get tired and drowsy until you finally fell asleep right then and there on his shoulder without hearing his response to what you said.

“Don’t worry. I’m never letting go of you.”

jeno’s a sweet guy okay ☹️

[cultven]

His Last Plea

Deadpool X Reader

Content: ANGST, you break up with Wade but you honestly have a justified reason to do so, you both love each other, just lots of tears and angst ugh, no comfort, some cursing

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: Just lots of angst and heartbreak

a/n: I DON’T KNOW WHY I WROTE THIS WADE ILY YOU DONT DESERVE THIS ;( As an apology if enough people want a part 2 I will gladly write one...

“You’re over two hours late.”

“I know baby, I was just-”

“You promised you would be here this time. You promised you would actually fucking try to show up. This is our third reschedule with my parents Wade, do you know how bad this looks on us.” You stand in your shared living room all dolled up, blankly staring at Wade who looks like a deer in headlights. Contrasting to your beautiful skin-tight dress, Wade was in his Deadpool suit, blood casually splattered on the fabric. Once again, he prioritized his mercenary work over your personal lives, and you are at your wits end with him. It was insulting. 

Wade carefully inched further into the apartment, testing the waters. “I’m sorry baby, really I just got caught up trying to kill this one guy. He locked himself in a safe room like a pussy and he’s like a really bad guy so I had to keep trying!” This apology may have worked the first or second time, but this was the third. The third time you had to explain to your parents Wade was a busy man, too busy for dinners with family. The third time you walked back to your apartment alone, fighting the tears lingering in your eyes. The third time you swore to yourself you wouldn’t put up with it any longer, and you were finally ready to uphold that promise. 

At this point Wade was only a few feet away from you before he ripped off his mask, finally revealing his distraught expression. His hand begins to reach out before you put a hand up, promptly stopping the action. “I can’t do it anymore Wade. I’m sorry.”

“No… Baby girl, just give me one more chance, I swear to God I will be better.” His voice was now shaky, scared of losing the one thing in his life that had kept him going all this time. He knows he should have been better and more attentive, but his profession has him chained to a post. Who was going to do the dirty work when Spidey works under a ‘no kill rule’?

“I’ve given you chances! You blew them, you always do.” It hurt to say these words to Wade, you still cared about him, which was why the situation stung so hard. You wish you could just forget about this night entirely and curl up with your sweet boyfriend on the couch, but you knew this was needed. If things didn’t change now they never would. 

“Please...” Wade choked up, sensing this wasn’t something he could smooth talk his way out of. “I’ll burn this damn suit, it’ll be a memory, long forgotten. We can set a new date for dinner and I will be there. I always will be from now on.” You wanted to believe the bargaining but you couldn’t gaslight yourself into thinking this would be it for Deadpool. You knew it wouldn’t be, even if Wade thought it was. 

“Wade be serious, you can’t give up your mercenary life. You will always return to it, whether you believe it or not. You are Deadpool and Deadpool is you.” You subconsciously began rubbing your arms, all of a sudden feeling small. Your eyes are now downcasted towards the floor, the confrontation killing you. You hated talking to him like this. “I know there is nothing I can say or do to stop you from being Deadpool, but it is killing you, Wade. It is killing us. Your immortality may spare you from physical death, but you will emotionally die on the hill of trying to use your powers for good. It takes a toll on people, constantly being out in the field as a human punching bag.” A shaky breath falls from your lips as you find the strength to look back up at the man in front of you. 

It was unsettling the way he was just standing there, looking at you. Actually, upon closer inspection, it seemed like he was looking just past you instead, dazed in his own world. As if he hadn’t heard a word you said. Abruptly, a stray tear fell down his face, wetting the tumored skin under it. “I want to be better for you.” That was all he said. 

“I know, honey.”

“So then let me be. Let me try.” His last hope, his last plea for you. Wade’s body was shaking, but he had yet to notice. 

“We both know I can’t.” That was all it took for a stream of tears to envelop both your faces. You were just two people madly in love living worlds apart. Truly the heartbreak was your own fault, you two should have figured it wouldn’t have worked. Between a superhero and a regular civilian, it never does. 

It was your turn to step forward, hand coming to rest on Deadpool’s cheekbones. Your thumb absentmindedly rubbed the wet tears away, feeling the surprisingly soft skin of his cheek. Now closer to his face you begin to whisper. “Do you know what it feels like to have your partner come home bloody every night? Bruised and battered. I know it doesn’t hurt and I know you can’t die, but what if that’s just because you haven’t found what can kill you yet? The stress of it all overtakes me, Wade. I stress so much because I love you so much and I can’t take it.” Your own set of tears grows heavier. With the already close proximity of your bodies, Wade pulls you into a hug where you both crumble to the ground. 

Tears mix and spill onto the fake hardwood floor as hands eagerly grasp the others’ bodies. “I don’t want to love you as much as I do. Because it just makes it so much harder.” You sob, your whisper now coming out with a much wetter tone. Wade only nods into your neck where his face hides, his arms grip your body tightly, knowing this may just be the last time he has the right to do so. 

After a long moment of selfishly drinking Wade in one last time, you lift your head and land a short, soft kiss on Wade’s cheek. You begin to rise, legs wobbling and chest heaving. You knew if you didn’t leave now you never would. “Baby?” Wade whimpers, knowing this is the end. 

“I have to go.” 

“Where?” It was a valid question, the two of you had shared an apartment for a year now. 

“My sister’s. She knows about everything now and said I could crash there for a bit.” Wade only nodded, not fully processing the fact that you were leaving. God damn it he wanted to rip his heart out from how much it hurt. When he heard about heartaches he didn’t think it was such a literal term. 

“Will you be back?”

“I hope not.” You walked past the mess of a man on the floor, reaching the apartment door. Taking one glance back, you took in one last image of what was once you and Wade’s oasis. “Goodbye Wade, maybe under different circumstances we could have been what we wanted to be.” You left, the door clicking shut. 

With that goodbye, Wade let himself fully break down, sobs racking through his chest. Perhaps he was doomed to a life of perpetual darkness and pain. He thought he had escaped the dark once you so gingerly entered his life, but of course, he had to fucking mess that up too. You were the one good thing to happen to him, the one person who treated him like an actual human instead of some fucked up science experiment. You made him feel loved, not ashamed of his appearance or crude sense of humor. You were love. 

Wade’s hands vigorously began ripping the now too-tight suit off his disgusting body. Oh God, how he wished he could just die. It really was one of God’s best fucking jokes he couldn’t. He began to crawl into your shared bed, laying on his respective side. If you could see him right now you would be exceptionally pissed at the fact he hadn’t showered beforehand and was now getting old crusted blood on your duvet. Well, good thing you couldn’t see him then, huh? Wade sighed, grabbing one of your pillows and bear-hugging it, attempting to capture your scent in his nose permanently. There he tried his best to lull himself to sleep despite the constant berating from the boxes and the consistent ache in his chest. 

[unrefinedmusings]

snooze

pairing: no outbreak!joel miller x f!reader

summary: after a few blissful weeks of dating, you meet the most important people in Joel's life in the worst way. part 1: sweet, sweet sugar (can be read as standalone)

warnings: allusions to smut, explicit language, age gap (reader is mid 20s, Joel is 36) smidge of nasty talk, one use of y/n

a/n: took ten years to write a sequel but the joel miller girlies are still going strong so who cares? thank you for all the support for part 1! btw this was inspired by the scene in gilmore girls the morning after luke and lorelai's first date hehe

---

The mid-morning light awoke you. You were surrounded by warmth, by Joel. He had you wrapped up in his arms, his chest acting as your pillow. The smile on your face grew bigger as you remembered where you were: in his bed, in his house. 

Sleepovers happened less than often between you two, and up until last night they had been held exclusively at your apartment. But with Sarah staying over at a friend’s and Tommy staying over at a “friend’s”, you were finally allowed a bigger glimpse into your maybe boyfriend’s life. 

You were tempted to stay in bed with Joel, even just to watch him sleep. However, you vaguely remembered the blaring sound of an alarm clock going off earlier. Your response had been to nuzzle further into the man next to you, and it seemed Joel’s was to turn off the clock entirely. Due to your busy schedules, you cherished your time together and did not want to waste any more unconscious. 

Despite the sluggishness in your body, you trudged down the stairs to make some coffee for you and your still snoozing man. If you hadn’t still been so dazed from slumber, you would have registered the light noises of chewing and metal scraping against plates. Maybe then you wouldn’t have been standing in front of your maybe not anymore boyfriend’s brother and daughter in nothing but a precariously buttoned flannel shirt.

Your jaw dropped but no sound came out as you stared wide eyed at the two of them sitting at the breakfast table. Their faces glimmered with surprise and a hint of mischief. Tommy’s gaze met Sarah and he sent her an impish grin before turning back to you. Not that you were processing any of that right now. You were too busy silently praying that Joel’s shirt was long enough to cover the array of hickeys he left on your thighs last night. You knew it wasn’t covering the ones he left on your neck.

The man’s got a possessive streak.

Tommy cleared his throat before speaking.

“Hel-“

That’s all he could utter before you darted right back up the stairs to Joel’s room. You shut the door behind you before letting out a long, shuddering exhale and pacing the room.

A familiar groan caught your attention. “Baby, c’mon back to bed.”

There you were, trying to recover from one of the most mortifying moments of your life, and there he was, barely awake and looking delicious with the sheets lying dangerously low around his naked waist. 

Ugh, men. It wasn’t enough to just be unhelpful. He had to be sexy and distracting right now too.

With heavy eyelids, Joel catches your form across the room. He lingers on your bare legs before meeting your glare with a suggestive grin.

“Think I need somethin’ sweet to start the day. Why dontcha come sit that pretty pussy on my face, sugar?”

For a second, you forget about everything but his tongue and all it was capable of.

NO!

“We’re not alone…in the house,” you said meekly.

Joel sat up in bed before replying, “What?”

“Tommy and Sarah are in the kitchen! I went downstairs to make coffee and walked in on them eating breakfast. I ran back up before they could even say anything.”

“They’re not supposed to be home until 10.”

You grabbed his watch from the dresser and tossed it at him. “It’s 10:30! We slept through your alarm!”

He let out a grunt of annoyance before getting out of bed and grabbing a pair of sweats off the floor.

“I’m sorry, sugar. We’ll explain it to ‘em and-“, he paused, turning to you. “Hold on now, did you go downstairs like that?”

“…Yes.”

“You’re not wearing any pants.”

“I know that!”

“You mean to tell me my brother saw you with no pants on?”

“Seriously? That’s what you’re focused on right now?”

“I don’t want Tommy gettin’ any ideas about what’s mine.”

His. His. His. He said I’m h—no!

You forced yourself to focus on planning an escape.

“Do you think I could climb out the window?”

He shot you a look. The look. “You are not climbing out the goddamn window.”

“Back door?”

Joel lets out a long exhale before walking over to where you’re standing. He pulls you into his chest and you melt into the embrace, his hands gently rubbing your back to comfort you further.

“Sugar, we’re gonna get dressed, go downstairs, say hello, and if you want, have breakfast with Sarah and Tommy. If not, I’ll take you out the front door and give ya’ a ride home.”

“…breakfast sounds good.”

You feel the rumble of his laugh before a press of his lips meets your forehead.

After finally getting some bottoms on, Joel leads you downstairs, undeterred by your dragging feet. You couldn’t help it, you were so embarrassed. 

This plus the age difference…they probably think I’m some airhead.

As you reach the kitchen, Joel speaks, “Sarah, Tommy.” He pauses before turning to you, a small but proud smile on his face, and says, “I’d like you to meet Y/N. We’ve been dating a few weeks now.”

The two Millers at the table send you bright smiles and welcome you to their home. You give them a shy smile and a wave, slightly reassured by their hospitality. The two of them traded your plate back and forth across the table until it’s piled high with waffles, eggs, and bacon.

After a few minutes of pleasant small talk, Joel turned to Sarah and, in a more serious tone, spoke, “Now, I’m sorry I sprung this on you with no warni—“

“I already knew,” Sarah interrupted. “You were pretty insistent Uncle Tommy make plans once I told you about my sleepover at Hannah’s. Why else would you need the house all to yourself? Overnight too? Not to mention,” she paused to pop a blueberry in her mouth, “you’ve been bathing more often. Generally, looking less scruffy. I knew something was up.”

You couldn’t help but snort at her comment. Joel grumbled around a forkful of eggs, “Five minutes at breakfast and you two are already gangin’ up on me.”

Tommy rolled his eyes at his brother.

As if Joel minded that his two girls were getting along.

---

💕💕💕 Thank you for reading 💕💕💕

[4dkellysworld]

When suffering happens

When unpleasant things happen in life, in an effort to understand it and find peace, we (our egos) often either try to find reason and understand why something happened/is so or immediately jump to conclusions and label it, often linking it to our identity like "oh it's because I am _____" or "it's because I did/thought/felt _____ which caused this, I shouldn't have done that!" or "This always happens to me ugh!!!" yet I find this habit ends up causing more harm than good and it is this self-identification that then ends up causing further spiralling and a pattern of similar events later in the future.

M: Detach yourself from all that makes your mind restless. Renounce all that disturbs its peace. If you want peace, deserve it. Q: Surely everybody deserves peace. M: Those only deserve it, who don't disturb it. Q: In what way do I disturb peace? M: By being a slave to your desires and fears. Q: Even when they are justified? M: Emotional reactions, born of ignorance or inadvertence, are never justified. Seek a clear mind and a clean heart. All you need is to keep quietly alert, enquiring into the real nature of yourself. This is the only way to peace. Chapter 8: The Self Stands Beyond Mind - I Am That, Nisargadatta Maharaj

Leave poor Vanessa alone and stop assigning her the responsibility and accountability of everything that the dream shows. The entire dream is all an expression of the Infinite Being, not hers (the ego) which she is just one more creation of. And it doesn't have to be your (the Self's/I AM's) dream anymore when you stop identifying with it.

This is why it's so important to let go of our ego, to let go of the unpleasant thoughts with indifference, reject any claim over them and detach any association with your I AM (the Self's identity) rather than intellectuallise what happened with the mind. You can cut it off and break the cycle right there.

Understanding this was truly the turning point that launched me into earnest and honest study of 4dbarbie's teachings and by extension, Lester Levenson and Nisargadatta Maharaj's teachings. I was just so sick of going through the same shit, being stuck in the trenches and going nowhere. At some point you're going to get so fed up that you just want to give it all up and not care about anything anymore.

The thing about nothing though is that it's the only thing that can take the shape of everything. 1

Isn't it so much more freeing to just say "fuck it all, it doesn't make sense and I don't care to think about it anymore. This isn't mine", let it go and move on?

Imagine you see a random couple out in public fighting about all their relationship problems openly. What goes through your head when that happens? For me, I go "phew yikes, I'm glad that's not me. Not my circus, not my monkeys. Not my problem", feel a sense of relief and gratefulness that it's not my burden to bear and move on with my day.

When nonsensical or unpleasant things happen in your life, treat it the same way you do when nonsensical or unpleasant things happen in your sleeping dreams for they are both I AM's imaginary creations. Just let it go, detach it from Self and move on - no matter what happens, it is not yours.

Important distinction: I am not saying to physically ignore your body and ego's needs, do what needs to be done but you (the Self) do not have to identify with it, you do not have to claim it as yours. You know it's not you and you are just observing everything, unaffected.

"When the mind is quiet, we come to know ourselves as the pure witness. We withdraw from the experience and its experiencer and stand apart in pure awareness, which is between and beyond the two. The personality, based on self-identification, on imagining oneself to be something: 'I am this, I am that', continues, but only as a part of the objective world. Its identification with the witness snaps." Chapter 6: Meditation - I Am That, Nisargadatta Maharaj

Stop trying to find reason as you are only further sustaining its reality by doing that.

"By resisting evil, you merely strengthen it." Chapter 72: What is Pure, Unalloyed, Unattached is Real - I Am That, Nisargadatta Maharaj "You may try to trace how a thing happens, but you cannot find out why a thing is as it is. A thing is as it is, because the universe is as it is". Chapter 4: Real World is Beyond The Mind - I Am That, Nisargadatta Maharaj

Just let it go. Letting go is what gives ultimate peace and freedom.

Not yours, remember? Repeat. Not yours. You won't lose your mind, you'll only lose your misery. See this world and the body as not real first. What is true is only what I AM is identified with, right now this body which is not in that TV show (your desired reality). Correct this first by letting go of thinking it's you 2

Just let go of the ego, that’s how simple it is.

[bronx-bomber87]

Hello lovely fandom and happy Wednesday. We are cruising along with 6x09. Can't believe we're already on the second to last ep. Not a ton of Chenford or Tim in this one but what we do get is GOOOD. It's an all around good episode though. Let us begin.

6x09 The Squeeze

Recap of 6x06-6x08 got me all in my feels before this one even starts. Poor Tim killing me right off that bat. Always be floored by Eric and his ability to convey so much with a look. How it just makes me wanna hug his hurt away. No wonder Lucy always pulls him in for hugs. How could she not? I’m sure he hasn’t even begun to process how he feels. It’s a lot what just happened to him. It all unfolded in the blink of an eye.

Someone who he used to work closely with killing himself in front of him. Doing so because he’s a dirty cop. Not only that but taking all his secrets with him. Only thing Tim got out of it was Dr. London being dirty too. Grey shows up to the scene and startles Tim out of his thoughts. He debriefs Wade letting him know Mad Dog confessed to being dirty. That he believes Blair to be apart of it as well. Now we all know he didn’t mention her by name.

BUT it was pretty damn implied. With the awkward interactions in the hospital and the rooftop scene. Wade asks if he used her name specifically? Tim tells him no….But it was clear she was who M.D. was speaking of. Grey reminding him to be careful of accusing without any evidence. As amazing as his cop gut is that’s not evidence unfortunately. Loving the hat on Wade btw. Very fitting.

It’s not too long before the accusatory Detective Pearson shows up. Not loving him from the jump. Couldn't stand him for couple reasons. One because douche bag just comes off him in waves. Two the way he comes at Tim makes me wanna knock him on his ass. This guy coming in way too hot for my liking. Far too eager to pin this on Tim.

Makes my protective Sicilian side emerge and she’s not happy. I do love Grey being quick to Tim’s defense. No one better to have his back in this moment. Lucy would be great of course. But Wade is the superior in this moment so his 'back off ' holds more water. Gotta love this man. Always protects his people.

Wade can tell Pearson wants to have a slam dunk case against Tim. It’ll further his career to get such a high-ranking officer tangled in a dirty mess. It's why Grey tells him as such. Ugh. What a schmuck. Kudos to the actor though. I instantly dislike him so well done sir LOL The way Tim watches the body get wheeled away breaks my heart. Damnit Eric you’re too good at your job. Expressing so much in that look I just want to hug him. But that’s Lucy’s job later…

We join Celina officially moving in. This will be an interesting dynamic for s7. Especially after they get back together. I’ll be intrigued how that is all handled... But I’m getting way too ahead of myself. It's hard not to when we don’t know anything. It’s easy to daydream and speculate about the unknown. Anyways John is there and sadly not as a friend but to check in on Celina. She says he’s just making sure she’s not late for her shift.

Nolan commenting would reflect poorly on him and his performance review is coming up. Not selfish at all John….His review should be ‘Needs work.’ But we all know how I feel about him as a teacher. He asks Lucy how she is? I don’t think he expects the epic rant he receives. I mean she has healed some but not nearly enough. Her words sounding like she’s trying to convince herself. Makes me sad. Doing her best to flip all this upheaval into a good thing.

Our girl feels really lost in her life right now. All the turmoil that I don’t know she’s really dealt with. I think part of her having Celina move in is she doesn’t have to deal with it as much. To not have to be alone and sit in her feelings. Because I am the the same way. If left alone too long with my thoughts they eat at me. This scene just being more proof she hasn’t dealt with much of it at all IMO. I know the prevailing theory of the season for Lucy was she was alone. Isolated. I mentioned this in my mini too.

I think a lot of the isolating is self inflicted. Her and Tim are very alike in how they handle emotional distress. At an arms length and solo. Other than Jackson, Tim is the only one she’s really allowed close to her. Tamara yes but that's always been more maternal and not like what she has with Tim. And even him she doesn’t tell everything to and vice versa. It’s very in character for her to do this. I know people thinks because she’s bubbly, optimistic and outgoing this isn’t the case. But it is. Just like how people who are depressed don’t come off that way. When there a signs of it despite their ‘happy or sunny’ demeanor.

She was isolating herself before the breakup even occurred. Rewatching this season she was doing so from the very jump of s6. Their fight in 6x01 being proof of that isolation. She felt herself overloading and shoved him away with her accusation. That was just the start. 6x04 and her rash decisions with Jeff Budny is a huge one as well. She didn’t include the one person she should’ve in that ep. It's how we ended up in that hospital room with her. I’ve said this many times before. But her and Tim are quite alike in how they handle their emotions.

Tim’s is showcased more especially this season. It's easier to detect. If you're really looking you can see her's. Lucy’s were screaming through out this entire season as well. She is a control freak just like Tim in the way she shuts people out. Even her person couldn’t get in and vice versa. They have the same fatal flaw. It’s why their lack of communication became their downfall. Our girl has as much growing to do as Tim does. I’m hoping all this is a setup for s7 for her. To me her explosion here is an example of her not dealing fully with what happened still. Shall see how s7 is handled for her. I'm hopeful.

Their convo is interrupted by Angela calling Lucy. First off I love her looking out for Lucy. Just like she does with Tim. There was a great parallel set for this and 2x12. Angela providing comfort to them both when the other is in distress. Our on-screen cheerleader for them both and I love it sfm. Even knowing what a weird place they’re in, she knew Lucy would wanna know from her than anyone else. We love you Angela Lopez. You’re a real one.

She also knows Lucy well to tell her right off the bat he’s ok. You know her heart stopped when she began that sentence. We watch Lucy instantly go into wifey mode. Both in her body language and tone of voice as Angela explains. How she turns her back to the others when it’s about her person. Needing a moment to herself as she absorbs this information.

Melissa crushing it in this scene with everything she does. From closing her eyes taking in the severity of this situation. To the concerned wifey tone she switched to quickly. We all know she has a million and one thoughts rushing through her brain right now. Mainly was he ok? Does he need her? The worry for him settling into her soul and growing rapidly by time the call ends. Once Angela hangs up she finally turns around and updates them. Concern flooding her tone.

The wifey vibes continue when John gets a call shortly after. Tim has called him to be his union rep. (Only reason he would ever call Nolan in a personal matter...) We watch as anxiety all but pours out of Lucy. Worried wifey mode has activated and it’s not going away. Despite everything they’ve been through. Everything he’s done. Her number one instinct is worry and concern for him. It's deeply rooted. It's who she is.

She loves him so much still. That is written all over this scene and her reaction. That instinct to be there for him coursing through her like a powerful current. I love her stopping Nolan before he goes. The worry seeping out of her tone. Asking how he sounded? Nolan just replying ‘Tight.’ Which is apropos for Tim in situations such as this tbh. The reason she asked this was that she could gather everything she needed to know about his state of mind from that information alone.

When she hears Nolan’s reply her worry increases tenfold. Melissa is killing me in the best way in this scene. Props to her and Eric once again for this season. I can't praise them enough honestly. It hurt so much but hot damn if they weren’t giving their A game and more every single episode. Holy hell. Not that they don’t always. Just with such limited episodes they did really good with the material. Writing was superb for them. They rose to the occasion and then some.

Tim is so anxious waiting for Nolan it’s making me anxious. He is wound so damn tight right now. Not that I blame him but we can feel the anxiety just seeping out of him. The tapping of his feet, hands, and whole body is tense before Nolan arrives. He pops right up the minute John enters the room. He doesn’t look at all prepared for what Tim is about to thrown down at him.

Nolan tries to ask him questions but Tim doesn’t have time for it. Immediately let's him know what’s going on. That they’re going to want to hang this on someone. Now that Mad Dog is dead their scape goat is gone. All that is left is Tim. He’s STRESSED they’re going to hang this around his neck. That he needs Nolan to take over the investigation. I said this in my mini and I'll say it now.

My first thought was I don’t trust Nolan with this….That I wouldn’t have chosen him to spearhead this whole thing. But Tim doesn’t have a ton of options atm. So he’s gotta go with what he’s got. And that happens to be John Nolan right now. He asks Tim who to investigate? Tim tells him to look into Blair London the rookie police department shrink.

That he’s been seeing her and so has Aaron. That he thinks she had leverage on M.D. and that’s why he jumped. I wanna pause here and say how proud I am of Tim in this moment. Look at him reaching out for help this time. Not trying to quarterback this alone. Handling this completely differently than how he handled Ray. Not isolating himself and trying to figure this out solo. He’s going through the proper channels this time. Not wanting to do a OP and segregate himself from everyone.

To say it sucks Dr. London is dirty is an understatement. Because my greatest fear would be what she does in this episode. BUT I am forever grateful to her in the same vein. Because despite her being dirty she truly helped Tim in short time he had her. Look at the growth in this moment right now. I’ve said this many times already but I truly hope we continue his therapy journey. The results are astounding and I need more of this growth. It’s just like Chenford ship crack to me. Tim growth is my other drug of choice haha Give it to me writers LOL

We see Pearson is under Dr. London thumb. (Monica’s really) It leads up to this next scene that makes my blood boil. I hated watching this scene the first time and I didn’t love it any better second time around. It makes me sick to my stomach to watch unfold. How Pearson comes after Tim like a dog with a bone. The way he uses Dr. London to solidly his reasoning makes me all kinds of angry. I'm seeing red.

I HATE them using his sessions and twisting them for their own gain. It was like I said earlier this was my biggest fear of her being dirty. This right here. Gotta commend Danielle Campbell though. She does a really good job in this scene. Even though this was her idea you can see the conflict raging in her. Because she is the one who convinced Tim to go to therapy. For pure reasons actually. To help him out. Which she did. We know that’s why she’s under Monica thumb.

She used her need to help people against her. That she is only doing this because she is being coerced. Doesn’t excuse a damn thing, but explains her hesitation and almost tortured look in this scene. Especially when Pearson comes at Grey. Accusing him of favoritism. Saying he cares more about that than this city. You can see the restraint on Wade's face not to knock this punk out. How very dare you come at him and Tim like this. Makes me wanna rage so much.

This scene right here is why love Angela Lopez so much. That fiery passion she has for those she loves. How she is unwaveringly loyal to those she holds dear. Tim being that person in this moment. Not gonna lie that’s why I love this moment so much. Calling her husband. Love her of her life to chew him out to defend her brother. Her first instinct just like Lucy is to protect him.

To make sure if he’s charging Tim that she better know first. Hot damn Angela. Tell us how you really feel. haha This man is so lucky to have this fire ball in his corner phew lord. Telling Wes she stands by Tim a thousand percent. That he’s family. Ugh my heart. Gonna make me cry. I love their friendship so much. Give me more of them in s7. Their dynamic is fantastic and I need far more of it in my life.

We arrive at the best part of the episode. After nearly fifteen minutes filled with tension…We need this hug as much as these two do. My god. I adore her being so attuned to him. Lucy sees him and knows she needs to go to him. She can see how tense he looks. The clench in his jaw very evident. Her look damn near mirroring the worried look she had in 5x19. That same longing look to reach out to him surging through her. Worried Lucy is a fav of mine and we got to have that a lot in this episode.

This time she doesn't stop herself and we all love her for it. She worries about him, regardless of the state of their relationship. It’s what drives her to go after him before his elevator closes. That magnetic pull she can’t explain nor describe. All Lucy knows is she needs to be near him and comfort him. That even from afar she can tell he needs her. As I said earlier Lucy is so attuned to Tim and what he needs. It’s a beautiful thing to witness.

To say Tim is shocked when she keeps the elevator from closing is an understatement. Not only that but stopping it so they aren’t interrupted. Wanting to ensure they have a moment alone. Even when she says to be clear she’s still mad. That this doesn’t change anything. He’s still clueless as to what is going on here. You can see it all over his face above. He has zero idea why she is in here right now.

Because in his mind there is no way she’s thinking about him. Let alone wanting to be there for him in this moment. Which breaks my heart. The last thing he ever expected was for her to care for him. Or about him in any way shape or form. Also the 4x09 vibes coming off this hug had me losing my friggin mind. This hug is everything. It showcases their bond, the intimacy that still exists between them, the vulnerability has me reeling and how they are each other’s safe place still. *happy sigh*

The way she pulls him in reminiscent of the 4x09 hug. Tim standing there not expecting this moment of comfort and getting it. It’s the way she draws him into to hide in her arms. Just like she did in ‘Breakdown.’ I’m fine….Only difference in this hug from that one is the way he just melts into her arms. The face smoosh into her shoulder. Once again mirroring that infamous hug. We watch all that anxiety and stress just drain out of him. The tension he was carrying into the elevator leaving his body once he's in his happy place. Closing his eyes and surrendering to the comfort she brings him.

He immediately wraps his entire body around her. Melding into her. Easily falling into this hug and her arms. Like two puzzle pieces that are meant to be together. Fitting back together so effortlessly after time apart. Encasing her back in his hands and snuggling in for good measure. Clinging to her like she is his emotional life raft. Because. Well she is. Holding her as close as he physically can. Cherishing this moment. Because I’m sure he never thought he would experience this again. Holding her in his arms like this. Feel her comfort and love.

These two make me insane in the best way. Also let me once again point out Tim's growth. He didn’t even try to fight her like he’s done in the past. He sees this for the gift that it is and absorbs this moment. Savoring it really. The peace you can see on his face floors me. Eric at it again. You can tell this is first time in long time he’s felt whole. This hug is beautiful on some many levels. You can feel the raw emotion coming out of them both.

The concern that’s been building up in Lucy since this morning coming out in waves. She is tucked in TIGHT to him. Clinging to him as much as he is clinging to her. I'm not ok. You can hear the immense worry in her voice as she asks him if he’s ok? Despite everything she felt the draw to be there for him. The way she looks like she can finally breathe as she asks him that question is EVERYTHING.

We get some good hands hands hands in this hug. I can’t stop staring at her thumbs in that gif either. The soothing way she is running her thumbs up and down on his back and arm. Methodical in her soothing of him. Gah I cannot you guys. Her remarkable empathy shines through in this moment. This was a balm my soul needed so much. That all of us needed. We all know how much our boy longed for this.

Can't get over her face pressed so tightly into his neck. Doing this, as she asks him what she’s been dying to since she received that phone call. Like she couldn’t breathe until she knew the answer to this question. Look at the concern on her face when she does. I’m reeling and sobbing. Lucy looks on the verge of tears herself. Their hearts are just starting to mend in this glorious hug. You can feel it. Ours too.

No one does hugs like our ship does. They’re always top tier goodness. Holy hell. They’re just breathing each other in. Calming one another down. The anxiety that was raging in both of them cooling down to a simmer in this embrace. He has melted into her like butter at this point. Reveling in the comfort and empathy she's providing him. The way he says ‘I am now.’ Reminiscent of 5x21 and their phone call in the alley. How he wasn’t ok till he heard her voice.

Song remains the same in this moment. He wasn’t ok until now. Until she had her arms wrapped around him for this hug. Didn’t know he was holding his breath till she released it for him. It’s how he sways with her and sinks even further into her arms. Smooshing his face even farther into her shoulder. It’s so sincere his reply back that I am just a puddle of emotion. He’s so vulnerable in this moment with her.

Letting her know he wasn't ok until she was there. Imma scream at how much I love this growth in him. If there was any more doubt in Lucy’s mind of his feelings for her, this hug and his reaction to it should clear that right up. That is a man who is still so in love with her. Letting her know he wasn’t alright until she came and found him. I’m not crying you are…. Find you a person who knows what you need when you need it. Even when you’re not in the best place. That’s Lucy Chen for this man. Reigniting him falling in love with her all over again in this moment.

Lucy picking up on this growth reflects in her reaction back. Gah it’s the way she tightens her arms around him after she hears this. Closes her eyes and tries to bring him even closer. Trying to wrap him up in her arms even tighter. Absorb any stress he is carrying right now. The sheer relief written all her face. The way she shuts her eyes knowing he’s ok because she is there. *sobs*

Just melting into this man as she holds him as close as she can. Clinging to him as much as he is to her. I’m not ok in the best way. I remember thinking this hug would feed my soul into the hiatus. Just gonna scream into a pillow how much I love this moment. Their chemistry is insane and with a hug? Even more so my god. We are blessed to have a ship where our hugs are this amazing.

I love this faraway shot of their hug. They are in-sync as they part. How do they do that? We can see how deeply entangled they are. Nary an inch between them. You can see how they were just clinging onto each other for dear life. Look at Tim’s arms/hands. How gentle and intimate his are placed.

Having her as close as he can. It’s the hand gently wrapped around her lower back that has me losing it. It’s just so intimate I can’t get over it. Lucy is retuning the favor in kind. She too is just as intertwined as he is in this moment. Arms clinging to him and her face buried in his neck. Their chemistry on massive display here.

You’d think the hug alone would be enough to make me squee to death. Lucy follows it up with fixing his collar. I’m dead. The most wifey move of all moves. Reminded me of the lint picking from 5x12. Such an intimate coupley thing to do. I’m losing my damn mind over it. Wife energy coming off her in waves. Just seemed so automatic and natural when they part.

Also she touches her arm before reopening the door. She can’t keep her hands off him and I’m here for it. Tim looks like he’s going to cry in that elevator. I also love Tim putting his hands in his pockets right after. Because if he doesn’t he’ll never let her go. They’ll never get off this elevator. He could've stayed in that hug all day.

Basked in the comfort she had to give him. So he puts his hands immediately in his pockets after they part. Ugh my heart. They miss each other so much and this hug is screaming that. Also screaming how they didn’t miss a beat. How natural and wonderful it was. *happy sigh* This hug giving me true hope for the first time.

They re-open elevator to find Angela and Harper waiting for them. They look like they’ve been caught. Like they didn’t just have this deeply emotional embrace. The looks they share before Lucy leaves are LOADED. The expression on Angela’s face... She knows they interrupted something. I adore her saying she can get him extradited if he needs it. Love this woman so much. We know just like Lucy she is willing to do anything for this man.

Makes my heart so happy. All these women in his life want is to support and protect him. You can tell Angela wants to be tagged in so badly. Tim telling her won’t be necessary. He didn’t do anything wrong. That she had his back last time. He has different forces at play this time. Adore her saying 'Different isn’t me.’ Not it’s not ha Sadly last of Tim for this ep. *pouts*

Another telling scene for Lucy. Really really need s7 to clear these things up for her. Because despite being wonderfully empathetic human to Tim. She is still lost in life and not sure who she is. I NEED UC and some other things clarified for her next season. I really do. Just because she’s amazing at UC (and she is) doesn’t mean it’s her path. I do love this scene because it’s just Lucy being Lucy.

Having EIGHT covers ready to go. Our little nerd in action here. I adore it so much. It’s the most Lucy Chen thing she could do. Telling them it takes twelve off duty hours to grow. I love her so much. It’s not a mystery why Tim is so damn gone for her. Their faces as she explains cracks me up. Tim wouldn’t be shocked in the least. Hell I’m sure he was there while she was growing some of them.

The detective line is just another stab at our hearts though. Hoping for clarification and goodness for her career in s7. Manifesting it. As much as I need their reconciliation.(and I need it bad) I need her path resolved just as much tbh. For her to find her purpose and grow. Because once her and Tim do this. That reconciliation is gonna be even sweeter because of it.

I will say I was impressed with Nolan. Enjoy this it won’t last ha He handled investigating Blair really well. Rattling the cages of the potential dirty cops she was seeing just by showing up to her office. I forgot seasons 1-2 Nolan was a good cop. He just got really annoying after s3. LOL Also roping Smitty in was hilarious. He was already there for the food so might as well use him.

It’s the first time in what feels like a long time I enjoyed John. He enlists Nell too to help him with data from dispatch. Maybe it’s Bailey that makes him extra irritating to me. Lmao Sorry Jenna....lol Anyways quite the miracle Nolan pulled off in this ep getting me to like him. Not only that but commend him on the job he’s doing. Helping out Tim in a major way and I can’t deny that.

Nolan’s plan works out like gang busters. He went to her office to rattle a dirty cop into revealing himself. Pearson does it perfectly. Losing his mind about finding out they were in Mad Dog's apt. Like I said earlier I commend John on his work in this. Had Tim’s back and then some with his investigation. If they wrote him like this more wouldn’t dog on him so much lol

The other part that is so great is Grey. He is a papa bear ready to devour anyone messing with his work kids. This part was so cathartic to watch after earlier. Watching him dismantle Pearson like the schmuck he is. Was sick of him stomping around the station. Acting like he can just be top dog when he's really on a leash.

Rubbed me the wrong way being disrespectful to Tim and threatening Wade. Watching him attack Nolan/Celina is Grey's final straw. Puts that turd in his place. We watch him visibly shrink as Grey tears him a new asshole LOL All but telling him to stay in his own lane. Get em’ Wade! Nolan putting together the connection of Pearson and Blair due to this. Was fun to watch them piece this together.

Scenes like this give me agita like no other. My heart was beating in my chest for her. Lucy did a really good job despite the toy. Unfortunately it’s one of those loud musical ones. That not only gives away her position. But possibly her cover in the process. He find it’s on the floor. Looking menacing af. This man gives me the creeps on so many levels. I hated this mission for her on so many levels.

Unfortunately they’ll need her going back into the house. Now that Monica is in play it’s crucial she is there. Especially with Batista investigating who tried to kill her. Lucy is worried they’re going to blow her cover faster with her involved…But it’s a risk they have to take. If Tim knew about this he would be feral. Oh Feral Tim how I miss you. I need more 2x11 feral Tim in my life. That's a wishlist for s7 I suppose.

The ep ends with Nolan making a deal I’m not sure he can make lol But he was good in this episode so I’ll give him a pass. You can see how panicked she is. I am impressed John got her on this bench I will say. Getting her to almost spill her guts to him. Saying she didn’t think anyone would get hurt. That's what they all say....

I will say I missed Tim a lot in this ep after he was gone. That's my man. But it was a good episode. Reminded me of what a good ensemble cast we have as a whole. That's all she wrote for this one.

As always thank you to everyone for reading, liking, commenting and reblogging these means more than you’ll ever know. Shall see you all in the finale with 6x10 :)

~~~

Side notes-non Chenford

We get more insight in how Dr. London is being leveraged. Of course it’s a Monica connection because she is the absolute worst….

It’s great to see Pearson get nailed to the wall at the end of the ep. Prick.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Shamura meeting a spider s.o who isn't really apart of the cult and lives the life of a traveler but visits from time to time and members consider her to be a 'big sister' and people love to come to her for advice...

like she'll be pulling pieces of debris, leaves, twigs, pieces of mushroom, etc. from the lambs wool (which she had lectured him about a few minutes prior like "Lamb, you got this in your wool AGAIN?? I will not allow you to continue to talk to people when you basically have a FOREST in your wool, sit down and let me help you.") and Shamura is there and I feel like they have real deep conversations, maybe s.o telling him their story after a while, how they think that they might be from the Silk Cradle but aren't sure because they were taken when they were young and raised in the mountains ... just a little thing i thought abt haha

"I-I can assure you, [y/n]..I don't need-"

"Oh no, you absolutely do need this." You tutted as you made Lamb sit down on a tree stump, picking bits of mushrooms and leaves out of their wool.

They winced as you harshly tugged on a twig that was especially embedded in it, casting it aside once it was plucked free. "I need to do my morning sermon," they grumbled. "Can this wait until-?"

"There's still a few more hours till noon. I will not have you walk up to that podium with your wool being a literal Anurian forest! How do you keep letting it get this bad anyways?"

"I-"

"Actually..don't answer that."

"But...!!! Ugh, fine." With a pout, the Lamb sat with their cheeks puffed out, remembering that they couldn't order you around...as you weren't one of their followers. So you didn't have to abide by any of their rules.

You were a nomadic spider who traveled all across the Old Faith. Your heart desired adventure, but every once in a while it would lead you back to these temple grounds, and you'd witness Lamb's cult growing steadily with each visit.

When they weren't around, their followers would flock to you, having grown accustomed to your frequent appearances. You carried a lot of knowledge during your travels, so you'd share stories of your recent journeys and offer advice to those who asked for it.

Whether it's about something personal or just how to navigate through a domain safely, you had plenty of answers for most of them. Some followers even looked up to you as a sister, which made you happy.

The most important part of your visit, however, was ensuring Lamb looked their best before they went to preach in the temple. You always caught them after they return from crusades, finding them covered in earthly debris without a care in the world.

If this new "god" of the lands wanted to be taken more seriously...they had to look presentable to their followers.

But even so, they were quite the fussy one; stubborn like a child: Bleating constantly, kicking their hooves, and sometimes even demonically hissing if you suggest they removed their crown for a moment.

They only acted that way because Narinder saw you preening their wool once and mocked his former vessel until your glare shooed him away.

Fortunately, Lamb chose not to argue with you any further, making your job easier to finish.

It took a few more minutes, but their wool finally looked a lot better, so you sent them on their way to preach the Red Crown's gospel after bidding them farewell.

Whatever debris you plucked out of them went into a bag of silk you've crafted for yourself. Surely you can do something with the twigs, leaves, mushroom stems, and pumpkin seeds they carried back to the cult grounds--you couldn't let any of that go to waste.

"Greetings, traveler. Back so soon?"

The familiar voice made you perk up, looking to see Shamura standing there with a book in their hands. It seemed to be one from Silk Cradle, detailing trap layouts and designs.

You smiled. "Hello, Lord Shamura. And yes. I like to come and go as I please."

".....forgive me, but your name slips past me.."

"It's [y/n]."

"..ah yes, yes...Sister [Y/n]. Welcome back." They bowed their head politely. "I do have a question, if you have the time."

"Of course." You nodded, before frowning as you noticed the somewhat troubled look on their face. "What ails you?"

"...hm?" They blinked. "Do I look sick?"

"Oh, no. I mean..your expression. I've seen it on other followers, and it's usually because something's weighing heavily on their mind-"

"Why call me "lord" if you have not served under me?" Shamura abruptly interrupted, confused as their gaze went to the open book in their hands. "I have seen many spiders in Silk Cradle...but none quite like yourself. If only I could remember..were you a servant? A warrior? A merchant...?"

The more they struggled to recall, the more ichor began leaking through their bandages. And you could see it was physically paining them, too.

It made you wonder how they ever survived losing the Purple Crown, but then again it probably took a miracle from the Lamb to give them a fighting chance--a second chance.

Even so, you felt bad for Shamura. Their memory gaps kept widening despite their desperation to remember things and continue reading.

"Oh dear..allow me to hold that for you." You gently took the book away from them before the liquid could splatter all over the cover, closing it up. "I didn't grow up in Silk Cradle, but I'm sure I was born there. I only remember being taken up to the mountains..perhaps my family became deserters who disliked the violence."

"Hm...under my ruling, deserters would have been swiftly found and jailed."

"I see-"

"No, no..that's not it...they...would have been swiftly found, tried in my court, and publicly executed." They corrected themselves, huffing. "My apologies."

"...oh. Then I guess I'm glad we weren't ever found out." You awkwardly chuckled, having much preferred what they said before. "It seems your memory has been improving since the last time we met."

"Yes, indeed...indeed it is.." Shamura nodded, before you both heard the tolls of the temple bell, signaling that it was time for the sermon. "The Lamb calls..they are speaking now." They looked to you. "Shall we go together, [y/n]?"

"Sure." With a smile, you linked arms with them. "But as a fair warning, I tend to hang around the back and just listen."

"As do I, my friend...as do I." A tiny smile formed between their fangs. "I hope Lamb's wool isn't covered in earthly vermin anymore."

"It's clean as a whistle." You reassured, smiling back at them, before you two headed towards the temple.

Perhaps you'll stay here in the cult for the rest of the day. Just to spend a little more time with Shamura.

You enjoyed the company of a fellow arachnid.

[gretavangroupie]

Vigilance (Chapter 15)

Word count: 27.5k

Pairings: Jake x Reader, Sam x OC, Sam x Reader

Warnings: 18+ as always, drinking, smoking, language, fluff, angst, smut, talk of violence and abusive situations.

This story is a collaboration with my best pal @gretavanmoon.

NOVEMBER 2021

JAKE POV

You sit on the edge of her queen size bed, watching her throw the final items into her suitcase as she tries to decide which coat to bring. 

“Just pick one baby, they’re basically the same.” you say, leaning back onto your hands.

“They aren’t the same, one is a peacoat and one is a puffer! Not even close to the same!” she says laughing. 

“I don’t think it’s going to be that cold…” you reply. 

“Jacob, twenty-five degrees is pretty damn cold…” she says. 

You groan as you flop backwards onto her pillows. You turn your head into the soft fabric, inhaling the scent of her, suffocatingly strong on the pillowcase. You close your eyes as you rest your hands behind your head.

“Bring them both?” you offer.

“Ugh! I don’t have room for both…We have to leave here in like, ten minutes. Are you ready?” she asks, shoving the puffer jacket into the suitcase. 

“Yeah, when you’re done I'll take your bag down to the car.” you say, rolling to your side and sitting up. 

She starts to roll her suitcase out of her room and down the small hallway. You hear her rummaging around through her kitchen drawers looking for something as you stand up and close the blinds in her bedroom, scanning the road out front first. 

“Hey babe?” she calls through the apartment, her voice echoing through the tiny space.

“Mmmhm?” you answer.

“Can you look in my desk and see if you can find a brick thing for my phone charger?” she asks.

“Any particular drawer I should be looking in?” you ask, staring at the desk.

“Uh…check the one on the left side maybe?” she replies.

You slide the drawer out and move around a few papers and miscellaneous objects looking for the shiny white adapter. You pull the drawer out a little further but it catches in the back on a small black box. You stick your hand in to press it down so you can open the drawer further, revealing the item she requested. You move the box to the side and a flash of color catches your eye. A shock runs through you as you push the items around it out of the way to get a better look.

You bite your lips together and slowly nod your head. You send a quick look over your shoulder as you pluck the tiny piece of green plastic from the bottom of the drawer. She still has it. A flutter runs through your chest as you hold it in your fingers again. After all these years…

You think back to the day you taped the pick into the card, so nervous about giving it to her. Wondering if she would even remember it from that night in the garage. Wondering if she would even care. But of course she did. Your heart is pounding in your chest at the sight of it again, then wondering if she remembered it was even in the drawer. Grasping it tightly in your fist you closed the drawer, reaching into your back pocket and pulling your wallet out. 

As you slide the pick back into the same little slot it once sat, the indentation of its outline still rubbed into the worn leather. You weren’t sure why you decided to take it, but you couldn’t just leave it. Left and forgotten like it meant nothing. You carried that pick with you for years. It almost hurt to give it to her even then, not knowing if you’d ever see it again. Not knowing if it meant as much to her as it did to you. It was crazy, the significance a tiny piece of plastic could hold. How something so small and common could still affect you years later. You slid your wallet back into your pocket just as she popped her head around the door frame. 

“Did you find it?” she asks, holding her phone cord. 

You walked over to her, with the charging brick in hand and presented it to her. As she plucked it from your palm, you grabbed her waist and pulled her into you. You placed a kiss on her neck and pulled back from her as she giggled at the tickling feeling of your lips on her skin.

“Jake!” she laughed, tossing her head back further.

Her eyes met yours, sparkling and bright as she rested her hands on your forearms. 

“I never really lost you. Did I?” you ask quietly, eyes peering into hers.

“No.” she admits.

You smile and nod to yourself, before letting out the deep breath you were holding in. “You ready to go?” you ask.

Her fingers untwist your necklace, her soft fingertips gliding across your chest and down towards your hand as she tangles her fingers with yours, “Yeah. Let’s go home.”

—

“What gate are we again?” you ask, flipping through the paper tickets in your hands.

“B8…” she says, showing you the screen of her phone. 

“How do you do that, I need to know how to do that...” you say, folding the tickets and shoving them back into your pocket. “Or maybe I’ll just keep you around.” you wink.

“Oh that’s why you’ll keep me around?” she laughs.

You squeeze her hand in yours quickly before letting it fall back to her side as you step up to your gate. Much to your surprise you see Sam, Elle, Josh and Daniel already sitting there waiting. 

“Oh my god, Elle. You actually did it…” she says, walking up to the group.

“Ye of little faith…I’m scary when I need to be.” she laughs.

You send Sam a questioning look and he shrugs his shoulders, “Y/N put her in charge of getting us here on time.”

“And I did! Early actually!” she exclaims proudly. 

They all swat their hands at her, and you huff a laugh as you sit down across from them. 

You relax into the seat, crossing your legs. You only have about thirty minutes until the flight boards. You are anxious to get back home, for once. Looking back over to the group you put on a devious smirk, “Okay, so what’s the plan?” 

—

The flight was a little long but fairly easy. Y/N was finally starting to get more comfortable flying, and you were thankful for that. After waiting forty-five minutes to pick up your rental car, you were all finally stepping out the double doors into the frigid Michigan air. A stark contrast to the hot and muggy air you left in Nashville. It had been years since you’d been back in the winter, only returning for the first time this past summer while the air was warm. The air was cold and dry in your lungs and the chill of the wind brought a pink glow to everyone’s faces. 

You all piled into the shiny white Tahoe, everyone voting Daniel as driver since he had drank the least on the flight. Sam connected his phone to the bluetooth almost immediately, filling the car with whatever blues ballad he had been fixated on recently, as Daniel pulled out into traffic. 

Y/N gripped your hand tightly, clearly nervous about surprising your parents. You rubbed your thumb over her knuckles feeling every valley and peak along the way. “It will be fine. They are going to be so happy to see you. Don’t even worry about it okay?”

“I just feel bad. We didn’t even tell them. They aren’t expecting two extra people I–” she stammers.

“Baby, my parents cook enough to feed a small village. There’s no reason to feel bad.” you reply. “And what do you think they would do, turn us away?” 

She giggled, and leaned her head on your shoulder as she watched the familiar buildings start to pass by the windows. 

It’s not too much longer until the car is pulling into the driveway, and everyone is feeling a little anxious, ready to surprise your parents. 

“Alright, let's go in first, and come get our shit later.” Josh says, jumping out of the backseat.

Everyone agrees and gets out of the car. You all make your way up to the front porch, the cold air chilling your bones once again. Damn you missed this. 

You and Y/N stand to the side of the front porch, letting the guys all walk in and quietly shut the door behind them. It’s not too long before you hear the booming laughter and the roar of excited exclamations pouring through the wooden door. Y/N looks at you with a genuine smile, and you pull your hand from your pocket lacing your finger with hers. The excitement seems to die down a bit and you can tell that the moment is approaching. 

“Okay love, you ready?” you ask. She looks up at you, her nose pink from the cold. It was something you had completely forgotten about her. Something so small and so endearing. 

“I’m ready if you are.” she says, gripping your hand. 

“Okay, let’s go.” you reply, swallowing deeply as you let your free hand twist the door knob. 

As the two of you step through the threshold and into the warm and familiar space. You walk a little further in, and everyone’s heads snap to look at you as you stand proudly next to Y/N, hands still intertwined. 

You make eye contact with your mom who gasps at the sight of you. “Jacob Thomas!” she yells. “You! You–” she stammers, making her way over to you.

“Surprise…” you reply.

Y/N releases her grip on your hand allowing you to wrap your arms around your mom, who has taken you in a suffocating embrace. After a few seconds she pulls away and turns to Y/N.

“Oh honey! I am so happy to see you! Oh my gosh! I can’t believe my babies are all here. Y/N I just talked to you mom! She said you couldn’t come! Oh you two planned this!” she says in succession, pointing at the two of you.

She hugs your mom and you feel your heart swell seeing your two favorite people so close. Your mom pulls away from her and turns to head back, inviting the both of you in further to join the rest of the crew. 

“Come on, come on!” She swats her hand for you to follow as she frantically walks back to the living room area. “I need to see you all together!” 

“Oh, Karen! Please don’t tell my parents I’m here. I want to surprise them tomorrow!” she says excitedly. 

“My lips are sealed, honey. Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you’re all here. All of you, together! They are going to be so excited!” she smiles back. “Kelly! Look who I found!” 

She smiled as she sat, Sam sitting next to her on the couch. She grabbed his hand to hold in hers as she beamed at all of you. 

As you walk in, your dad stands slowly from his seat, his jaw dropping at the sight of you two. 

“Well now, what is this?! Look who it is!” He brought you in for a tight hug with heavy back pats. 

“Hey, Pops!” You said excitedly. When he released you, you both turned to Y/N as he grabbed her hands, absolutely over the moon to see her again. He hugged her tight, swaying from side to side for just a second. 

“Never thought I’d see the day!” He said as he pulled away from her. It hurt your heart, just a little. 

You and Y/N squeeze into the small love seat near the fireplace, and you instinctively throw your arm over her shoulder, pulling her into your side. 

Your mom watches as it happens with a smug grin on her face as she turns to your dad. 

“So….anything else…new?” she presses.

You roll your eyes and shake your head, as you sigh. “Well, clearly, since the last time you saw us things have changed a little bit.”

“They are in loooove mom.” Sam says playfully.

“Is that right?” your Dad says, a knowing look on his face. 

You shoot him a questioning look and are met with a shrug and a grin. Fucker always knew.

“Alright Kelly. Fine. You win...” your mom says, tossing him a playful smile.

“Wait, you were betting on this?” you ask, shocked. 

“Yeah! Since you were about, I don’t know, what do you think Kelly? Seventeen? Eighteen?” she asks, tapping her finger on her chin.

“Eighteen I think. I always knew. She doubted me.” he replied, pointing to her with his thumb. 

“Oh, very nice. Very nice. She hasn't been here for five minutes and you are already going to scare her away.” you say.

“Oh give them a break Jake, we knew since then too. We were just too stubborn to do anything about it.” she said, elbowing your side. 

You dig your fingers into her side tickling against her ribs, eliciting a shriek of laughter that rings through the small living room. 

“I’m going to go heat up the leftovers from dinner, I’m sure you’re all starving. Samuel I don’t want to hear a word about it, if you don’t like it you can look in the pantry.” she says getting up and walking off with a laugh. 

Sam groaned as he pulled himself up from the couch, doomed to rummage through the pantry until he could make it to a grocery store. Y/N and Josh struck up a conversation with your Dad and you sat in awe as you listened. How many years did you wish for this? Wished to be here, home with your family, and with her doing this exact thing? 

It felt good to be back. Home. This time it truly felt like it, because home was here, sitting next to you right now on this very couch.

—

HER POV

“Danny! Want another?” You yelled from across the room as you waltzed over to the old half-rusted fridge for another round. 

“Yes please!” You grabbed the drinks from the ripped box, and gently tossed them around the room. 

After sorting sleeping arrangements and a round of goodnights from Jake’s parents, the night had turned into a hazy concoction of mindless conversation around an old tattered poker table. The game hadn’t even started yet, and Jake and Sam had already started bickering. 

Josh sat at the corner of the table, an Uncle Sam hat perched on top of his curls, pink-lensed sunglasses sat low on his nose, and a fat cigar bitten between his teeth. He shuffled the cards between his hands with ease. 

“The game’s hold-em, ya see. Minimum bet twice the big blind. All bets are on, no flops on the river. No bluffs no bluffs, ya see.” He spoke between his teeth in his best old New York accent. 

“Josh, are you talking out of your ass?” You asked him, crossing your arms across your chest. 

“When am I ever NOT talking outa my ass, sweethaht?! Doesn’t change the fact that I can play the game. Bets on, bets on!” He said as he struck a match and lit the cigar. 

You glanced at Jake, who was sitting quietly and to himself, laughing and shaking his head at Josh’s display. 

“Can we play something else? There’s like, a million other card games. Or even like, a board game!” Sam whined. 

“Nobody wants to do puzzles, Sam.” Danny retorted. 

“Hey I love puzzles!” He replied. “But I meant like, Monopoly or Clue, so I can whip all your asses.” 

This felt so good. So familiar and so much like the home you always loved that it almost overwhelmed you. Tomorrow you were slated to surprise your parents; you’d made up an intricate lie about not being able to come home for Thanksgiving, and it hurt to lie to them, but the reward of seeing their faces would be all worth it. Especially when they saw you and Jake finally together. 

You watched as Elle rolled her eyes at Sam’s complaining, like always, and then proceeded to beat everyone at poker. 

“You owe me $11 Samuel and I expect it in my hand before sunrise!” She yelled at him. 

He reached in his back pocket, pulling a twenty out of his wallet. He walked over and held it between his two fingers up in the air, way above his head and out of her reach. 

“If you can reach it, you can have it. Jump high, shorty!” She began jumping in the air, reaching high for the bill. Finally she got it in her grasp, quickly folding it and sticking it in her bra. 

“Thanks babe. The extra $9 is a tip for me having to put up with your ass.” She said, taking her seat back at the table. Sam stood dumbfounded. You laughed, Sam truly had no clue how to handle this woman, but you knew that he absolutely loved doing it every day. 

Everyone had become sufficiently intoxicated, dancing around to the loud old rock coming through the speakers. Josh standing on the couch singing way too loud. Jake and Danny still very involved in a card game...You and Elle sitting together on the couch taking silly selfies… just like old times. 

The string of multicolored Christmas lights still hung around the perimeter of the basement. Tons of old photos hung off it, clothespinned and dusty. Old beer mirrors adorned the walls, along with a few concert posters from the 70’s hung framed and forgotten. A giant stand of old 45’s stood in the corner, still often played by Karen. The 80’s model television sat unwatched, and the black and white static fuzz across its screen reminded you of childhood. 

You spotted an old Greta Van Fleet poster hanging on the wall, one you’d never noticed before. You walked up to it, taking its design in. Suddenly you felt a warm and familiar presence at your side. 

“Mom finally got all these framed, I suppose. They’ve been sitting in the attic for years.” Jake had to lean in closely to speak over the music, the smell of his cologne suddenly enveloping your senses. 

You took a step back from the wall, noticing tons of them. Their old show posters all hung together. Colorful, vibrant designs, each one different than the last. Their young faces looking so youthful all over the pages, and their logo changing so much over time. 

“Did you design these?” You asked him, remembering how much he loved to draw back then. 

“A good bit of them, yeah. The earlier ones. I used to hide in my room and draw these massive, intricate designs, but I never showed anybody until it was time to print them. After so long we were able to contract someone else to do them.” He replied, lightly touching his fingers to his old artwork. 

“Why didn’t you ever like to show anyone?” You pressed. 

He took a short breath. “Ah, I don’t know. Embarrassed, I guess. Never thought they were good enough.” He gave you a crooked smile. 

“Well, they’re amazing, Jake. Really. I’m– so sorry I never got to see them hanging up at your gigs…” you trailed off, the guilt of missed memories coming back again. 

“S’okay. They’re here framed for you to see now. I’m glad the pressure is off of me, actually.” He laughed, placing his arm around your shoulder. You could tell his words were slurring. 

“You should design some again!” You perked up. 

He shook his head quickly, sucking his tongue between his teeth. “The people we have making them now are amazing, truly talented artists. We’d rather outsource and showcase others’ art. A million times better than I could ever even think of being. Plus, we have a really cool idea for posters for this next leg of tour…” he said, his eyes traveling all over the wall. 

You laid your head on his shoulder. “Do you miss being creative like this?”

After a few seconds, he nodded. “Yeah, sometimes. Too busy to think about it now.”

“Well. Maybe one day we’ll set you up a little studio at home and you can do it whenever you like.” The words slipped from your mouth more quickly than you could think of them. You were damning yourself for your indulgence tonight. 

He pulled away and met your eyes, a huge grin forming on his face. “…Home?” 

Shit. You bit back your words. 

“Yeah... I– your house. You know? At your home.” You stammered. 

He said nothing, only looked at you like you were the only thing in the room. He took your chin in between his fingers, bringing his whiskey-soaked lips to yours, and pulling away slightly. 

“Home.”

——

The giant, oversized couch had become a second bed for you back in your high school days, passing out and waking up on it more times than you could count. And it looked as though tonight was going to be no different. 

Danny had already succumbed to his liquor, passed out with one foot on the floor and the other draped across the arm of the recliner, with his shoes still on. Elle had gone and gotten a giant blanket and tucked him in like a cocoon, only his eyes and his fluffy curls poked through. 

“Let’s get your shoes off, Danny boy…” she said, untying his shoestrings. Always the caretaker. Jake and Josh had sleepily gotten into songwriting, Jake’s acoustic draped across his lap while Josh dabbled away in his notebook. You knew it wouldn’t be much longer for the both of them, their eyes both blinking heavily while they strummed and hummed. 

“I’m going upstairs to bed. I’ll see you guys in the morning! Your mom wants us up early to start cooking, I’ll set an alarm.” Elle said, coming over to kiss Sam on the top of his head. 

“Night babe...love you.” Sam said. 

She turned as she ascended the stairs, waving sleepily. “Love you too, baby.” 

When she was out of sight, you turned and punched Sam hard in the arm, your mouth ajar. 

“Ow, fuck!! What the hell Y/N?!” He yelped. 

“Love?! LOVE? Since when, Samuel?!” You tried to whisper. You felt overjoyed. Your best friends telling each other ‘I love you’. 

His cheeks grew pink as he grinned from ear to ear. “Ahhh, at the observatory, a few weeks ago. Was…romantic... I guess?” 

“You guess?” You exclaimed. “What do you mean you guess?”

“I don’t...really wanna give any more details.” He winked at you, laughing and putting his head in his hands. 

“Okay, fine.” You said. “I’ll get the details out of her later.” 

His eyes grew wide. “Eh, suit yourself, if you wanna have that conversation with her.” 

You left it at that, wondering what exactly he meant. He tapped your arm, pointing over to the twins. Passed out side by side, Jake with his head on Josh’s shoulder, his guitar still on his lap. 

“How many times have we seen them like that?” He asked. 

“Too many to count. Look how cute they are. They don’t get to spend much time together like this anymore, I guess.” You said, taking in the scene. You and Sam tucked them in just like Elle did Danny, moving the guitar and covering them up with a thick blanket. 

“Go get your camera, Sam.”

He returned after a minute with his film camera hanging from his neck. You made sure the blanket was tucked around their identical but different faces, and Sam snapped the photo. You met eyes, and tried hard not to giggle too loudly. 

“Hey.” He said, grabbing your attention. “Look what I got.” He held out his hand, showing you a perfectly rolled joint. He moved his eyebrows up and down, and silently motioned his head for you to follow him upstairs. You looked back to Jake, and bent down and laid the tiniest peck to his nose before you snuck away up the steps. 

The night was very cold, but thankfully the wind died down. You grabbed your jacket that was hanging by the door and bundled yourself up. You sat down on the old wicker furniture next to Sam, the same spot that you and Jake shared so many special moments together. He lit the joint, taking the first hit. 

“Have you and Elle…talked?” He asked, passing the joint to you with his exhale. 

“Yeah! We talk all the time…” you paused. “Oh wait you mean…” you stuttered. 

He smiled. “Yeah. That’s what I mean.”

“Uh, no actually. We haven’t. I guess I haven’t really...found the right time.” You hit the joint, letting the smoke fill your lungs to their capacity without choking yourself. You needed it if you were going to have this conversation. 

Sam didn’t say anything, just stared off into the trees. 

“She acts like she’s okay with it though...she’s never showed me any type of strange reaction or attitude or anything. Things feel okay. Why? Has she...said she wanted to talk to me about it?” 

Sam slowly shook his head. “No, she hasn’t. That’s the weird thing. I mean, I know it’s just the kind of person she is. She’s so…mature.” He took the joint back from you, meeting your eyes. 

“But, if it were you, wouldn’t you feel like… a little bit weird? I mean, for her to have never felt like she needs to have the conversation with you…” he trailed off. You could tell where he was coming from. He wanted affirmation. He wanted you and Elle to be truly okay. 

You inhaled, feeling the marijuana hitting you in the face, bringing confusion and clarity all at once. 

“I’ll talk to her. Soon. Gauge her thoughts...make sure she is truly alright with us all being so close. Promise.” You said, winning a sweet nod from Sam. 

“Thanks, Y/N.” 

Your mind began racing. You thought things were normal with Elle, she had never once shown you strange behavior after she found out about you and Sam. You began to wonder if she knew the extent of your relationship...and how long things lasted. Your heart began to race thinking back on all the times with him, all the laughs, the closeness, the fun…all the while you were hurting the hell out of Jake, and you didn’t even realize it. Why did doing something so wrong feel so good at the time? You couldn’t even fathom hurting him like that again. 

“Let’s go inside, I’m freezing.” Sam said, grabbing his lighter from the table and sliding the glass door open. You felt the warmth of the dying fire still heating the room, and you breathed in the smell of the woodsmoke. You still didn’t feel tired. You plopped down on the old leather couch, bringing a blanket with you, and curled up in the corner. 

“You want another drink?” Sam asked, already heading to the kitchen. 

“Ah, sure. What’s one more?” You whispered loudly. 

He returned with two glasses in hand. You took a large swig, the thought that Elle might be holding resentment toward you still swirling in your brain. You stared into the fire, letting your mind take you to too many negative places, while unrelenting memories of your time with Sam were popping in and out of your head. The guilt was suddenly eating you alive again. 

You glanced over to Sam, finding him already looking at you. “What?” You asked him, smiling. 

“You’re thinking about something, aren’t you?” He responded. 

You paused and looked down into your drink. “Maybe.”

“Spill it, babe. Tell me all your wildest secrets.” He said animatedly, pulling his legs up underneath him. 

You laughed. “You already know them all, dummy.”

He swallowed some of his drink, wincing when he realized he may have made it a little too strong. 

“Yeah, I might. But it’s been a while since we really talked. Nothing new has come about?” He asked. 

“No, not really. Just, now I’m nervous that Elle might resent me.” You admitted cautiously. 

“Oh nonono, I didn’t mean to make you feel that way, Y/N. That’s not what I meant. I just…thought it was strange seeing as how close you two are. I just want everything to be A-OK, you know? It’s not up to me, it’s between you guys, but don’t feel pressured to talk to her. Please. If you feel okay, then she probably does too.” He rambled, sitting up and grabbing your hand with his, squeezing it when he realized he made you feel uneasy. 

The fire suddenly crackled behind him, reigniting itself like wind had blown right through it. Big and bright orange flames illuminated the space, making him look like a silhouette before your bleary eyes. 

You squeezed his hand back. “Thanks Sammy. Everything will be just fine. Don’t worry. I’ll talk to her soon.” 

He sat back on the couch again, the anxious feeling in the room subsiding. He pulled half of the blanket up over himself while you continued talking into the night, telling funny tour stories, talking about the new music and upcoming trips...all the things you didn’t get to talk about much anymore one-on-one. You had missed him, missed your best friend. The one who you could talk so freely to and never be judged for any of your weird thoughts. You realized you’d spent nearly every day together for the past few months, but things were so very different now. 

What you didn’t realize, though, was that Sam had never let go of your hand. 

—

JAKE POV

The snoring. God the snoring. You really were home. Your eyes popped open and you found yourself laying on Josh’s side, his freight train snoring waking everyone in a five mile radius you’re positive. 

You push the blanket off of yourself, looking next to you to take a peek at Y/N, only to find she isn't there. You sit up, and glance around the room, but all you find is Daniel passed out on the recliner. Where is she?

As you stand up from the couch you toss the blanket back on to Josh, and turn off the TV. You make your way up the stairs, thinking she must be curled up in your bed upstairs. The thought alone makes your chest grow warm, but as you reach the top of the steps you notice a light snore coming from the couch. 

As you round the corner you are taken aback. You see Sam and Y/N curled up together on the couch, fast asleep. 

You feel a flash of warmth come over your face, a feeling of either jealousy or even possessiveness? Maybe even nerves? You aren’t completely sure. You know that Y/N or even Sam for that matter would never do anything like that, but still you find yourself walking over to the two of them a little quicker than intended. 

Her head is resting on his shoulder, and his hand is laying across her thigh. Rubbing your hand over your face you grab his hand and gently move it from her thigh, careful not to wake him. You rub your thumb over her cheek, knowing it will rouse her awake, and sure enough her eyes flutter open slowly. 

“Hey baby…” you whisper. 

She pushes off Sam carefully, and looks around the room, shocked at the position she found herself in. Her eyes squint at the clock on the wall trying to make out the time. 

“It’s late, well, early really. Come on, let’s go get in bed. We only have a few more hours until we need to get up.” you say, offering her your hand. 

She places her hand in yours as you pull her up from the couch, and into your side to walk up the stairs. 

As you open the door to your bedroom, she walks in and kicks off her jeans, letting them fall to the floor. She pulls her shirt over her head and grabs a t-shirt from her suitcase as her bra hits the floor. She pulls the shirt on and slides into your bed in such a fluid motion, like she has done it a hundred times. 

As you undress yourself you think about seeing her with Sam, and ask yourself why you even thought for a second she would do that to you. Of course she wouldn’t. You slide into the bed next to her, wrapping her in your arms, and pulling her close. You lay a soft kiss on her neck as she positions herself onto her pillow. 

“I love you.” you breathe into her hair.

“I love you too. I’m glad we came.” she whispers, drifting back off into sleep as you hold her tight.

—

SAM POV

“Saaaaaammmyyy…” a soft voice echoes through your brain.

Your eyelids felt heavy, like they wouldn’t open on their own. 

“Saaammmm…. Time to wake up, love...” her voice sweet like honey. 

Finally they cracked open, blurry and hazy, to find Elle’s beautiful face lying right next to yours. 

“Good morning sunshine.” She said softly once she realized you were awake. You rolled to your back, feeling slightly confused at what you saw for just a second. Small bed, blue walls, dark curtains. Ah. Home. You rolled back over to smile at Elle, taking her face in your hands as she rolled herself on top of you. 

“Babe, my parents…” you choked out in your morning voice. 

“I locked the door. Don’t worry.” She said, laying her lips softly into yours. 

“If it was 10 years ago, I would have gotten grounded for locking my door. Guess it is cool being a grown-up…” You pulled her face closer, feeling all her weight shift to balance completely below your waist. She ground into you, feeling you already slightly hard below her. She kissed you hard, and you reciprocated. The very early morning light was sneaking its way through the cracks in your curtains, making you realize that you’d only gone to bed a few hours ago. 

Wait. Bed? 

No…you never came to bed…

You fell asleep with…

Suddenly, you shot up, pushing Elle away and looking around. 

“Whoa, what’s wrong baby?” She said, startled. 

“How did...how did I get here?” You asked. 

“Uhhh…what do you mean? We got here yesterday. Are you still asleep, Sam? We’re at your parents house..” Elle said, utterly confused at your display. 

“No I know. I thought I…fell asleep on the couch. I don’t remember coming in here.” You wiped your face hard. “I guess I came in here while I was still out of it. I’m sorry babe, I’m just...out of sorts...” 

Your mind began replaying everything from last night, you and Y/N smoking outside, talking by the fire, holding her hand and…touching her thigh? God, what were you thinking? You remember her drifting off with her head on your shoulder, you were so sleepy and so high…you didn’t even remember passing out.

“It’s okay, hun. Just, go take a shower or something. Wake yourself up. I’m going to go down and help in the kitchen.” Elle responded, kissing you on the cheek. “I didn’t mean to get you worked up.”

“No, I’m sorry Elle. I– just had too much to drink last night, that’s all. I’ll go get in the shower. I’ll see you down there in a minute.” You stammered out, pressing a quick kiss to her lips. 

You stepped into the steaming hot shower of your childhood home. It felt so small, now. Or you felt big, you didn’t know. You tried to shake off the thoughts of the past 6 hours. No big deal, right? Nothing out of the ordinary. Best friends catching up. Having good conversation again. Enjoying the fire and being home again. The holiday made you feel nostalgic. That was it. 

You’d tried to talk yourself out of any type of guilty feeling for the entirety of your shower, but it still nagged. Nothing happened. 

Was Y/N still on the couch? 

You stepped out and dried off, retreating back to your room for clean clothes. You combed through your wet hair, and tried to wipe the look of alcohol from your eyes. 

You looked in the mirror. Time to face whatever weirdness awaited you downstairs. Hopefully no one saw you on the couch. And if they did, who cares? Nothing happened. 

You needed coffee. 

HER POV

“Happy Thanksgiving!” Karen and Kelly sang out as you stepped off the staircase. You met them both with giant hugs and the biggest smiles. They were both beaming, so happy to see you in their house again. Have all their babies home and in one place. 

“Thanks for getting up early with us. There’s coffee started, and the turkey has already been in for a few hours.” Karen said, throwing her towel over her shoulder. 

“It’s no problem at all! Happy to help. Wait, you said the turkey’s already been in for a few hours?” You asked. 

“Yes! Kelly got up in the wee hours of the morning and went ahead and slipped it in the oven so we weren’t waiting on it all day.” Karen replied. 

Shit, a few hours ago? That must mean he would have seen you and Sam–

You glanced over at him from the corners of your eyes, feeling the pit of your stomach fall to the floor. He met your glance with a smug grin. “Coffee, honey?” 

Damnit. He did see. 

Should you feel awkward that your boyfriend’s dad caught you asleep on the couch with his other son? Maybe, a little. But Kelly knew how you were. He understood you and Sam’s relationship, minus the well, the more recent part, you hoped. You used to fall asleep on the couch as kids all the time. It was a long night. Nothing more, nothing less. 

“Yes please, thank you.” You said, snapping out of your train of thought. 

Everyone else began trickling into the kitchen one by one, Elle first, then Sam, then Danny. You knew Jake and Josh would probably sleep the morning away. Jake had become an early riser, but you had an inkling being back home like this might relax him a little bit more than usual. 

Elle greeted you, surprisingly, with a giant hug from behind as you poured creamer into your coffee. 

“Hey boo, got another mug for me?” She asked, unbothered and sleepy. Your eyes darted to Sam, who wore the same amount of shock on his face as you did. He shook his head so quickly you almost didn’t see it. 

“Yes, love. And it’s brewed strong, just like you like!” You answered her, pulling a mug from the shelf. 

“Perfect. Delicious.” She said, blowing on the hot liquid as she walked over to inspect her job for the morning. 

“I’m heading home to change, we’ll see you guys around 3?” Danny asked, grabbing his coat to head out the door. 

“Yes, honey!” Karen walked over to kiss his cheek goodbye. “Don’t forget to tell your mom the only thing she needs to bring is butter and wine. She knows what kind I like.” 

“Got it.” He smiled back. “See you all in a bit.” and with that he slipped out the door.

—

The morning cooking went on normally, you and Sam only sharing a few awkward interactions. Both of you tried to play it off each time, being overly apologetic and uncharacteristically nice. Why were you both acting like this? 

Jake and Josh finally arose a couple hours later, each of them dragging themselves into the kitchen.

Jake came over immediately, taking your waist in his arms, not caring who saw. It felt so nice to not have to hide here. “Why did you let me sleep in so late? You know I don’t do that anymore…” he growled in your ear. God, his morning voice was enough to make you weak in the knees. 

You smiled as you continued to open multiple cans of green beans. “Oh I just figured you could use a little extra sleep, didn’t want to disturb you. You looked so comfortable when I slipped out this morning.” 

“Hmm yeah, I was pretty comfortable. But not nearly as comfortable as you and Sam looked on the couch last night.” He said only loud enough for you to hear. 

You nearly dropped the can opener as you turned to look at him, popping walnuts into his mouth and winking at you as he walked away. 

What the fuck… 

——

Shit. Shit. Shit. Was he mad? He didn’t seem mad. There was nothing to be mad about. You just…fell asleep with Sam on the couch. By yourselves. Cuddling? Fuck. You didn’t know, you couldn’t even remember falling asleep. You barely even remember making it up to Jake’s room last night. Damnit.

You continued on with doing the little tasks that Karen gave you, mixing this, timing that. All the while your mind was racing. Why did you feel so...guilty? About something that was purely innocent…you would have to talk to everyone later, and get this resolved. 

You took a break to step outside for some air, finding Sam on the porch smoking a cigarette. 

“Hey, sorry. Just got a little hot in the kitchen.” You said. 

“All good. Uh, how’s it going in there? Need any help?” He asked, blowing out smoke. 

“No, actually almost done. Should be ready right on time.” You answered, watching his body language change. 

It was quiet for a beat, neither of you knowing exactly what to say. You cleared your throat to speak, but nothing came to mind. 

“I’m sorry I uh… I’m sorry we fell asleep like that last night. I didn’t mean to– I hope it didn’t cause any arguments or–” he stammered on, not quite knowing how to approach it. 

“Sam, it’s fine. No need to apologize. We just…did what we always used to do. Nothing...happened. Neither of us need to feel guilty about it.” You said, speaking it into the universe, while feeling an underlying horrible pang of guilt. “Jake did come upstairs in the middle of the night and find us, though.” 

His eyes grew ten sizes. “What? What did he say?”

“Last night? Not much. We just went to bed. But just now, he said we ‘looked comfortable on the couch last night’. But, he seemed fine. He didn’t act upset or anything. So, nothing to worry about I don’t think.”

“Right, yeah. Nothing at all to worry about.” He brushed his hand through his hair, an action that you learned over the years, he does when he’s anxious. 

“Apparently um, your dad might have seen too.” You said quietly. 

“Fuck, are you serious? That’s just great…” he said, putting his cigarette out in the small glass tray. 

He met your eyes, and came over closer, resting his hand on top of yours. He felt warm, sweet and familiar. He squeezed your hand again like he had last night, looking at you with his puppy dog eyes that you used to be a sucker for. “It was nice talking again, though. I really missed that.” And with one more squeeze, he went back inside. 

——

About an hour later, you found yourself alone in the kitchen with Karen. She was putting the finishing touches on her famous Granny Smith apple pie, and was going on and on about how good it felt having everyone home and a full house. 

“This house was never meant to be quiet, ya know? It’s always been filled with so much life and so much noise and sound. You remember.” She went on as you sat and sipped some sparkling grape juice. 

“Of course I remember.” You smiled at her. 

“And for the past few holidays, it’s been…well... kind of incomplete…” she said as she put the pie into the oven, counting on her fingers and setting the timer. You suddenly felt bad. Really, horribly bad. 

She walked over towards the island and leaned against the counter across from you, looking down at her fingers as she spoke. “He never wanted to come home. And I know you never knew that, honey. All those years you came hoping he would be here... I could tell you were upset. Every single year. The first year was the hardest. I remember you going up to his bedroom…I knew you needed that. That you just wanted to feel close to him. I held out hope every year that he would just show up...Not even for his dad and I, but for you.”

You felt the threat of tears stinging your eyes. 

“He always called, though, of course. Always told me he had something going on at the time but wished he could be here…In my heart I think I knew. Josh told me the truth though. Honey, I’m so so sorry...” she said. 

You’re not a crier. You’re not a crier. 

“You’re sorry? I’m sorry, Karen. God, I can’t even explain it to you…I truly had no clue he wasn’t coming home because it hurt him too bad to be here. I feel awful, all those times he missed out on spending time with you guys…just because of m–” a sob threatened your chest, but you chased it down. 

She walked over and took you in a warm embrace. Nothing like a mother’s hug. She let you relax into her, rubbing swift circles up and down your back. You wanted to smack Jake for missing out on time with his family because you were there. But you came anyway, taking up space in a home he inhabited first. Now, looking back, you felt intrusive. Barging into your old love’s home, enjoying his favorite surroundings while he sat alone in a cold apartment. What did he do on holidays by himself? Did he eat alone? His brothers were all here... 

You couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. You felt horrible. But, you had no idea. You thought you were family back then, your parents and his, and the Wagners...you wanted to be there. Even if it was painful for you, too. 

“It’s okay, sweetie. You’re here now. He’s here now! You’re both here together...I’m so excited for you, Kelly and I both. We’re over the moon for you two. And you working for them without even knowing it? What are the odds, honey? It’s like fate.” You let a singular tear fall down your cheek, letting it drip onto the floor behind her. “You’ve always been my favorite of his, anyway.” 

——

After Josh caught you and Karen in a teary embrace, and decided to join in even though he didn’t know what you were crying about, you felt a warmth in your heart that you truly needed right now. Reassuring words and a long hug from your second mom, and Josh bringing his loving energy to console the two of you, even if he didn’t know the reason. Family. 

Speaking of family… you jumped back from their arms, glancing at the clock. “Oh my gosh! My parents will be here soon, too!” you said, wiping your eyes. 

“Ohhh, yes they will! And they really don’t know you’re here?” Karen said, using her towel to dab her eyes. 

“No,” you responded. “And they don’t know about…” you trailed off, your face turning red. 

“Oh my god! You guys both didn’t tell your own parents?!” Josh yelled, his arms flailing around in the air. 

Sam, Danny, Elle, and Kelly made their way in too, joining in on the chaos. 

Jake slid in, and wrapped his arm around your torso. “What’s going on? Why are we yelling?” He looked at you, wiping stray hairs from your face. “Have you been crying, love?” 

“My parents should be here any minute…we get to tell them too!” You said, your eyes still lined with the remnants of tears. 

Jake’s face suddenly went flush, and he swallowed hard. “Shit, baby, I haven’t seen your parents since I was like, 21. I haven’t...even talked to your dad...” he trailed off; you could tell he hadn’t thought about this part of your relationship yet. 

You placed your hand on his chest, trying your best to center him. “It’s fine, no need to be anxious, my dad is the most laid back guy you’ll ever meet. They loved you the first time, and since we were kids. Don’t worry. He will be so happy. And so will Mom.” 

Just then, there was a knock at the door. Karen looked to all of you as she made her way to the door. Jake huffed a cleansing breath, preparing himself. 

You mom slid in first, carrying a baking dish of some sort, her features happy and pink from the cold air. “Ahh! Happy Thanksgiving! So wonderful to see you!” Karen took the dish and brought her in for a hug, the two of them embracing like the old friends that they were. Your dad filed in behind, his handsome and slightly aging face making your heart fill. 

The rest of the guys crowded around them, hugging and shaking hands, hiding you from their immediate view. You felt a pang of nervousness in your gut, from what you weren’t sure, but you were suddenly so, so excited to feel their protective arms around you again. 

Jake had stepped around to the other side of the table, wanting to fall back from being the center of attention. After about a minute of their hellos, they all stepped aside, revealing you to them. You stood up quickly, while your mom and dad both stood in pure shock at seeing your face. Your mom’s hands shot up to cover her mouth, while your dad’s jaw dropped to the floor. 

“Oh my god, my baby girl!” You ran straight to them, letting them lift you into their already tear-filled hugs. “Honey! You didn’t tell us, you’re so sneaky! We missed you so badly! What a perfect surprise!” They gushed on and on, your dad taking your face in his hands to look you over. “Sweetheart, we didn’t think we were going to get to see you. So happy you’re here!” 

“Surpriiiise!” You laughed. “We wanted it to be a secret until you got here! Now I’m so glad we pulled it off.” 

Everyone laughed and talked a little more informally as your parents hung their coats and hats on the tree by the door. 

“Mom, Dad...I have another surprise. I...kind of brought someone home with me...” you said shyly as everyone made their way further inside. 

“What, like a new boyfriend?” Your dad asked. 

“Well, not necessarily new…” you said.

Jake was already making his way toward you, placing his arm around your waist and stretching his arm out to shake your dad’s hand. 

“You’re kidding me...Jacob?!” Your mom pounced forward, wrapping both of her arms around his neck as his hand met your Dad’s. She nearly knocked him backwards. He laughed his sweet chuckle, and hugged her back. She pulled away, leaving her arms on his shoulders to take him in. 

“My goodness, it’s been years, honey! Look at you...I thought we’d never see you join us for a holiday again! My gosh, look at your hair! It’s so long!  Aren’t you just a handsome thing!” She brushed his shoulders and cupped his face, just like she would if he was her own child. You could feel the relief radiating from him. 

“Well, I had some convincing this year...” Jake responded, pulling you in again. 

Your mom covered her face again, the tears returning as she looked to your dad, who was beaming all the same. She pushed yours and Jake’s shoulders together, taking a good look at you standing side by side. “You kids finally found each other, huh? It’s about time...” 

Karen had popped the cork on a few bottles of wine, and everyone had gathered in the kitchen and common area, talking and reminiscing. 

“Karen, all of our kiddos home again, in one place. Did you ever think you’d see it?” Your mom said, sipping her glass of red. 

“They surprised me, too. All of them are so grown up and have their lives together. I’m so proud of them. All of them.” They both looked to you, giving you a warm feeling that you’d not felt in many years. Like everything was finally just the way it should be. 

JAKE POV

You stand back and watch her, wine in hand as she talks and laughs with her mom and Elle near the stairs. You lean against the couch, completely ignoring Josh and Sam talking your ear off at the current moment. It feels so surreal to be here after years of choosing to be absent. As you stood here, watching your family, watching your love, something clicked and you realized you’d never miss another. Never again. 

You were in this exact spot, the first time you really saw her. Huddled on the floor with Sam working on some project, her tongue between her lips as she concentrated on the book between the two of them. You remember not being able to take your eyes off of her, and even now all these years later, that was still true. Her eyes caught yours as she listened to Elle talk, and you nodded your head, silently asking her to follow you. You watched as she excused herself from her conversation and began to walk towards you. 

You walked towards the back door, grabbing your coat as you slipped out. A minute or two later you see her stepping out, coat in hand as she reaches you on the porch. You grab her coat from her, holding it up to help her slip into it one arm at a time. She spins to face you as you pull the zipper up, placing your hands on the collar and rubbing your hands down her arms until your fingers meet hers. 

“Wanna step back in time for a minute?” you ask, pulling her towards the garage.

A smile crosses her lips as she nods.

You walk to the tiny gravel path to the garage, twisting the handle to let the two of you inside.

You pull the string on the old fluorescent light, hearing it hum as it comes to life. You take a look around seeing it just how you left it. Not a single item out of place. Your crappy old amps still plugged into the wall, and the guitar stand sitting empty.  Boxes litter the space, full of items from your childhood, long forgotten. 

You walk over to the drum kit, and run your finger over the high-hat, a thick layer of dust collecting on your fingertip before making your way over to the old red couch.

“I was…right here.” she says, throwing herself into the couch. “...wait…was I? Or was I here?” she asks, switching seats. 

You place her back in her original position, and take a seat next to her. “You were there.” you smile, relaxing your head into the cushion.

“Feels like a long time ago.” she whispers meekly.

“A lifetime, really. I think that night, I kind of knew I was going to fall in love with you.” you say, staring off into the wooden beams of the ceiling.

“I think I did too. I fell asleep that night dreaming about you.” she says shyly.

“Do you remember what you said that night?” you ask.

“Which thing? I said a lot, I was so nervous.” she laughs.

“You said, you couldn’t wait to see us headlining in arenas someday.” you smiled. 

“Well I guess that came true, didn’t it?” she said, turning her head to face you. 

“Well, almost. This next leg of tour will be more like a true arena tour. You’ll see. It’s different from when we play festivals and amphitheaters.” you say. 

“I will try to come to as many shows as I can. I don’t know where my next contract will have me. I don’t even know who I will be working with yet.” she replies.

What?

You feel your heart sink in your chest, “What do you mean?” you ask.

“Well…babe… My contract ended with you guys after LA…I will be assigned to a new client any day now…” she answers.

Your brow furrows as you realize what she is saying. “So you won't be working with us anymore.” you say.

“No babe, and I don’t know where I will even be. For all I know I am going to Europe or something. But it will be okay, I will come see you every chance I get. We will make it work, right?” she says, a look of desperation in her eyes. 

You rub your thumb over her face, in an attempt to soothe her anxiety, “Of course we will. I don’t want anyone else, ever. I waited years for you, I can wait a few months.”

She nods her head in agreement.

“Although, who is going to fix my outfits?” you ask, playfully.

“The ones you would mess up on purpose?” she laughs.

“Exactly.” You say, twisting a piece of her hair between your fingers. “I just needed you to touch me so bad, it was the only way.”

“I probably would have found something wrong even if there wasn’t. Just so that I could touch you.” she smiles.

“I love you so much. You know that right?” you ask her. 

“I know you do and I love you the same.” she pauses,  “Get up. Go stand over there, like you did that night. Let me take a picture.” she says. 

You haul yourself up from the sunken in cushions, and find the worn in spot on the rug, where you used to practice for hours on end, standing there and letting your mind take you back.

“Turn a little towards me.” she says, before snapping the picture on her phone. 

“Perfect.” she says, smiling at her phone. 

“C’mere…” you say, waving her over. 

She stands up, walking over to meet you. You pull her back to your chest as you whisper into her ear, “Remember I showed you how to hold the guitar?” you ask, positioning her hands in the air around the invisible instrument. 

“Yeah, just like that.” You growl into her ear. 

“Do you know how hard it was for me not to kiss you that night? Pressed up against you, just like this.” you ask, watching her squirm under your hands as she pressed back into you. 

“Sam wanted you. I knew that. But I wanted you too. So I did what he couldn’t. Got you to come to me. Got to feel you. Touch you. Smell you. That’s all it took. I knew I would never stop chasing you. And I’d never let you go once I got you. Took everything in me to let you go that night.” you said, quickly spinning her around to face you. 

“But now…I never have to.” you say, taking her chin between your fingers. Her eyes flick between your lips and your eyes, trying to decide what she wants more.

“Listen to me. I don’t care if you are halfway around the world…” you say, placing her hand on your chest, “...This heart beats for you. It always has. A little distance isn’t going to change that.”

She brings her lips to yours, connecting the two of you in a moment fated for years. You slide your hands around her waist, pulling her closer to you as your lips tangle with hers before she gently pulls away. 

“I love you too Jake. You know I’ll always come home to you.” she says, twisting her fingers with yours. “Now, let’s go in before they come looking for us.” she smiles pulling the two of you towards the door.

—

You all stood around the kitchen island, patiently waiting as the ladies made their plates of food and sauntered off into the dining room. Your stomach was growling seeing all of your favorite things spread out across the countertops. How many years did you sit alone in your apartment wishing you had gone home to have some of your moms cooking? You thought about it every year, telling yourself ‘maybe next year’. Maybe next year it won't hurt so bad. Maybe next year things will be different. But last year as the thought entered your mind, you would have never thought it would actually be true. 

Now here you were, taking a heaping spoonful of green bean casserole that you watched being prepared this morning by the two hands you loved most in the world. Josh made small talk with you as you made your way down the line, filling your plate until it couldn’t hold any more. You had lost time to make up for, after all. Stepping into the dining room your eyes met hers, sparkling in the candle light scattered throughout the table. 

She tilted her head to the chair next to her, the one that has always been yours, but sat empty for years. You joined her, placing your plate next to hers and your napkin on your lap. 

“God, I hope the speeches are short this year. I….don’t know if I can wait much longer.” you laughed. 

“Missed your moms cooking?” she asks.

“You could say that.” you smile, watching your dad take his seat at the head of the table. 

“Alright, I’m going to keep this short and sweet. I am so happy we are all here all together again. Some of us in more ways than one. It’s nice to see the chairs filled, and even add a few more. ” he says looking to you, and to Sam. 

“I am thankful that you boys get to do what you love everyday, but more importantly, that you get to do it and share it with the people you love and people that love you. That’s what makes life worth living. Anyways, more later, let's eat.” he smiles, lifting his wine glass. 

A round of cheers goes around as everyone begins to dig into their plates. You take special care to pace yourself, not eating too quickly despite how delicious everything is. Lots of laughter is shared around the table as Josh tells jokes, Danny shares stories, and your parents reminisce on the old days together. 

Y/N’s hand slides its way onto your leg as she sips her wine, listening in on the story Sam is telling. 

Your stomach is so full you’re positive you couldn’t move if you tried. You can tell everyone is beginning the early stages of a food coma as the table begins to grow quiet. Your mom clears her throat as she begins to talk.

“You know, I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it but, I just can’t even begin to tell you how happy I am that you’re here Jake. It’s the first time in years I haven’t had to wonder where you were, and if you were alone. We always kept the table set just in case. We always hoped you’d come.” she says, and you feel your heart sink. You knew it hurt her every time you told her you weren’t coming. 

You look over at Y/N as she nods her head in reassurance. 

“I was just telling your dad the other day that maybe this year would be the year, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up. But then, you walked in. Together. It was like…my little prayer had been answered. And to see you happy, and smiling and… in love… I think this year we are all just really thankful that…you’re at the table. That you’re here. The both of you. The way it was always meant to be.” she says, smiling at you with a heartfelt smile. 

“Thanks mom. I am happy–we are happy. We were just talking about how good it felt to be home, together. We…don’t want it any other way, ever again. I don’t think you’ll have to miss us around the holidays anymore. Where she goes, I’ll go.” you reply as she leans into your shoulder. 

You see her eyes grow misty as she excuses herself from the table, “Well. Pie? Anyone want some pie? I’m gonna go get that…” she says, busying herself with a task to keep from crying. 

Everyone chimes in and Y/N pushes her chair out, removing her hand from yours, “I’m gonna go help her with the pie.” she smiles. 

“Hey…” you say, twisting your fingers with hers. She turns around, eyes still sparkling with the glossiness of her own fought off tears. 

“Yeah?” she breathes. 

You want to tell her you love her. You want to tell her that this is the life you want with her. A table full of your family. Your own kids. The house, the dog, all of it. But instead you just smile back at her, “Nothing…Sorry, go ahead.”

She blinks a few times as she stares at you, a sly grin on her lips. She’s trying to read your mind, and you wished she could, but you know deep in your heart, that she already knows what you’re thinking, because that’s exactly what she’s thinking too.

——

HER POV

The night was turning out to be a repeat of the night before, except tonight everyone had gathered outside the basement back door to share a few bowl packs.

Danny had brought his favorite trusty bowl “Roxanne”, as he named her, back with him from his parents house. 

“God, I haven’t seen that thing in years. I think that was the only bowl we had for a few years, wasn’t it?” Sam said, his breath floating into the cold night air as you all huddled around each other. 

“Yeah it was. I dug it out of that box in my closet at my mom’s earlier, I had to stop and think about where I used to hide it. And what do ya know? Right where I left her.” He replied. “And if I’m not mistaken… Jake, shine your phone light over here.” 

He reached behind an old flower planter on the windowsill, removing a small piece of broken brick from the corner. “Ah-ha! Still right where I left it!” He pulled out a flattened paperclip and a piece of screen he had hidden there so many years ago. 

“Holy shit, no way. I forgot we hid that there! Ha ha ha!” Sam laughed hard, shoving his hands in his pockets. 

“Why didn’t you guys just come ask to hide this stuff in our rooms?” Jake said. 

“It was more fun being sneaky, Jake.” Danny replied, motioning for him to bring his light over closer so he could pack Roxanne to perfection. 

Everybody had become fairly drunk and stoned, and all still full and sleepy from dinner. It was an earlier night, and you were thankful for it. For some reason, you felt exhausted. You sipped on a mimosa, which garnered strange looks from just about everyone. 

“Y/N, why the fuck are you drinking a mimosa right now? It’s nine o’clock at night.” Josh yelled over the loud music. 

You shrugged, raising your eyebrows to him. “I’m still full, and this is light. Plus, champagne drunk is one of the best drunks there is, duh.”

“I actually can’t argue with any of that.” He rolled his eyes in thought. “Where is the champagne?”

You laughed and pointed upstairs, and watched him dart straight up, skipping a step as he went. Josh was already just as intoxicated as he was last night, and it was showing in his energy. 

Danny was scrolling on his phone, with the most unamused look on his face. You hadn’t even thought about his situation with Heidi being on the fritz during the holidays. 

“Danny…” you got his attention, his eyes perking up. 

“You ok?” You mouthed, concern on your face. 

He shook his hand side to side. “Eh, ya know.”

“Heidi again?” You asked. 

“Yeah.” He scooted his way over to you. “She was supposed to come home with me for Thanksgiving. But she just, didn’t. Of course. I should have known she would bail.” He looked down, disappointment written all over him. 

“I’m sorry, Danny.” You offered, trying your best to be empathetic. You knew they used to be happy together, but Danny was truly coming out of his shell lately, developing into a man and into his personality, and this new leg of tour might really allow him to fly. 

“Yeah. She promised Christmas, so. We’ll see.”

You tried your best to be positive. “Yeah, she will make it then.” You smiled, lying your hand on his knee before leaning back to your spot on the corner of the couch. 

You looked over to Jake, sitting quietly on the recliner as he slowly and intricately changed the strings on his guitar. One by one, he stretched them across, tying them off and snipping the ends. He never noticed you watching him. He was so particular, and used so much care as he went through the process; it was like watching an artist  paint a mural. Each movement calculated, so sure and so steady. He’d done it a thousand times in his life, and it showed. 

When he was finally finished, he began to tune it. He pushed his hair over his shoulder, and leaned his head down close so he could hear. You knew you’d fallen into a trance watching him, his hands gliding slowly across the strings as his brow furrowed and his eyes closed, paying special attention to how his instrument sounded. He never once asked for anyone to turn the music down, and you wondered if it was because he had taught himself to tune it out. You were captivated by him, watching his hands perform a task he’d done so many times, completely in love with the way he moved. 

Suddenly, two fingers were snapping in front of your face. 

“Hey! Earth to Y/N! I know he’s cute and you’re in love and shit, but can you really not hear me?” Elle said, laughing as you snapped out of it. 

You pushed her aside, giggling as she fell onto the couch beside you. 

“I’m a little drunk, Y/N.” She said, letting her body go limp on the old cushions. She slapped her stomach with her hands. “And still so full. Why do we always eat so much at Thanksgiving? Eeeeeeevery single year. We know what’s gonna happen! Food and drink. Too much.” She hiccuped, and leaned her head on your shoulder. 

You cuddled in next to her. “You want me to take you to bed?” 

“Naaah, I’m okay. Thank you though, friend.” She said, her eyes slipping closed. 

“Can I take you outside for some air?” You tried again, not wanting her to pass out too early. 

She perked up. “Actually yeah, let’s go outside. Maybe a brisk smack in the face with cold air will wake me up.” 

You stood up, and put on your jackets, retreating out back and finding the old metal bench on the small porch unoccupied. 

“Why the hell would anybody ever wanna live in this cold-ass weather all the time? How do y’all do it? Back home, it’s heat almost all year round. And I loved it. Miss it, actually.” She actually sounded a bit more coherent already, the air really must have helped. 

The two of you sat down, close together to shield yourselves from the chilled breeze. You looked up to the clear sky, seeing the stars twinkling and the moon almost full. 

“I’ve never been to Georgia.” You confessed. 

She turned her head dramatically toward you. “What? Really?” 

You laughed. “Yeah, really. I mean I’ve passed through, but never really stopped or gotten to explore. I’ve always wanted to, though. What part are you from?” You realized you’d never asked her. 

She smiled hard. “I’m from Helen, have you ever heard of it?”

“No, I haven’t.” You answered. “What’s it like?”

She smiled again, looking back up at the sky. “Honestly?” She laughed. 

“…Yes.” you answered, confused. 

“Picture here. Picture the town of Frankenmuth. And you got it.” She said. 

“Uh, a German town?” You asked. 

“Yes. A German town. It’s literally almost the exact same as here, except in the mountains of Georgia. Down to the sidewalks and old building design and all. That’s why me and Sam connected so quickly. We met and started talking about our hometowns, and realized they were almost identical, just 700 miles apart.” She said, her words clearing up just a bit. 

“How did you guys meet, anyway?” You asked her. 

“I volunteered as clean-up crew for one of the venues they’d played. I was earning free tickets to a show that wasn’t even theirs, if I cleaned up after Greta. So funny. We ran into each other afterward, we were both throwing things into the recycling bin at the same time. I was filthy. Sweaty, gross, and wearing giant rubber gloves. He asked if I had watched their show. Said I caught the end of it.” She laughed again, remembering the memory. 

“He asked if I enjoyed it, and I told him it was alright. Think I pissed him off. In all reality, I was just trying to flirt. I watched him the entire show. Think I fell in love right then.” She went on. 

You burst out laughing, “So you guys met by a dumpster?!”

“A recycling bin, Y/N. Thank you very much. He asked for my number right then and there. It was like fate. If he thought I was pretty meeting me like that, I knew he’d like me once I got myself cleaned up.” She went on, laughing at herself. 

God, you loved this girl. Maybe as much as Sam loved her. You couldn’t help the smile that came across your face. “That’s so neat. You guys are made for each other. Take me one day? To your town?”  

“Absolutely. We’ll have us a girl’s trip.” She wrapped her arm around you. “I’m so glad you’re back, Y/N.”

“I’m so glad you’re back, Elle. You make Sam so happy. It’s insane. I’ve never seen him like this.” You said, speaking truthfully. The thought crossed your mind, of the promise you made Sam last night on the couch. Now or never. 

“Elle, are you sure you aren’t...weird about...” you couldn’t find the words. “You promise you’re not upset with me, with us...? After Sam told you...about while you were gone...” 

Elle looked back at you, her eyes full of sorrow. “No, babe. I promise. I’m not upset with either of you, at all. Was it a little strange to hear at first? Kinda, but I wasn’t here. I had broken up with him...I didn’t have a say in his life at all.” 

“You promise? Because you can tell me, if you need some...time. Some space? If you want Sam and I to take a step back from each other, I completely understand.” You pleaded. 

“I promise, hun. You’re my best friend. I trust him. And when you find people in your life who bring you joy, who bring out the absolute best in you, you keep them close. Treat them like family. Confide in them. I think that’s what Sam has in you, and what you have in him. I came in after you two had already established that. I can’t rip it out from underneath you.” She said. 

Wow. 

“Are you sure you weren’t a therapist in a past life?” You asked her. 

She smirked, looking surprised at your statement. “No, but it’s actually my dream to be one. One day.” 

“Plus, now we can make jokes about him. Because we’ve both…been there.” She continued, lightening the mood. 

You burst out laughing again. “ELLE! I’m embarrassed, you really want to discuss that?!” 

“Sure, why not? I’m not weird about that kind of stuff. You can tell me about all the rendezvous y’all had!” Maybe her alcohol was hanging around. 

You put an end to the conversation. “Let’s get you back inside. It’s getting colder.” You giggled as you stood up. 

Ahh, you and Sam...what rendezvous you had…

——

You made your way back inside, and everyone was still continuing to wind down the night. You and Elle found your places on the couch again, deciding you were done drinking for the day. 

She sighed heavily, twirling her hair between her fingers. “God, you know what? I’m so excited to go on tour again. I’m so glad you guys don’t think I’m annoying tagging along. I’m so anxious to travel again.”

“I’m actually ready, too.” Danny agreed. “I think a whole bunch of distractions will do me some good.”

“Ugh. You guys just promise me you’ll send me every photo imaginable, okay? I want to know every detail.” You said, dread filling your body at the thought of not being with them on their wildest adventure yet. 

“Wait, what? What do you mean? You’ll be with us...” Elle replied, confused. “Josh, didn’t you all re-sign her?!” 

“Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about, Y/N?” Josh spat, sitting up in his seat. 

You shook your head, looking to Jake. “My contract ended after Strange Horizons. I’m waiting to hear what my next assignment will be...” 

The room was silent for a second while they all processed what you said. Jake nodded quickly in agreement. 

“Your next assignment, Y/N, will be with us on Dreams in Gold…we signed the paperwork in LA...” Josh said, rage beginning to fill his voice. 

“Wait, what? We did?” Jake also sat back up. 

“Yes Jacob, do you ever read the fine print or do you just sign whatever is in front of you?” Josh said.

 “Either way, that was a while ago now. They should have already been in touch with you with details...it’s not that far off…” he shook his head in disbelief, and felt his pocket for his phone. He quickly remembered it was 10:00 pm on a holiday weekend, and changed his mind. 

“Well, they haven’t. I haven’t gotten the first email or phone call, nothing from Allison either...” you stammered. Come to think of it, you hadn’t had any contact with work in a few days, which was odd to say the least. 

“It will be fine. We’ll figure it out.” Jake said, resting a reassuring hand on your shoulder. 

“Yeah, I’ll call soon. All four of us signed that paper restating that we wanted you as coordinator.” Josh reiterated. 

“We did. I remember.” Sam chimed in. “Because I thought it was weird we had to do that. I kind of just…assumed you’d be there again.” 

“Maybe the paperwork is just backed up with the offices being closed. Don’t worry about it. We’ll get it straightened out.” Josh said, smiling his comforting smile. 

“Yeah, okay. It will be alright.” you said to yourself, looking to Jake. He offered you a tiny smile, putting positivity back into your bloodstream. It did make sense, the paperwork was probably sitting on someone’s desk, waiting to be emailed to you when the offices reopened. Maybe things would work out. 

——

Danny had long since gone home when you all decided to make a giant bed on the floor in between the couch and TV. You strung blankets and tons of pillows on the fluffy rug, piling onto each other like you did so many nights years ago. 

“Pick a movie, Sam. We probably won’t all make it too much longer, so don’t think on it too long.” Jake said, his voice getting sleepy. Josh and Elle had made themselves comfortable lying across the couch, so you and Jake cuddled up on the floor. 

“How about Terminator?” He asked, holding up the DVD. 

His request was met with grunts and ‘sures’...and he put the DVD in, grabbing the remote to hit the play button. 

“Looks like this is the only spot left in the house.” He said, taking the floor next to you. He sat down cross-legged, pulling his hair back into a bun at the back of his head. He laid back, pulling the shared blanket over top of him and making himself comfortable on the flat pillow. 

“Ahh, I’m a Kiszka sandwich. Just like old times.” You said, some of the alcohol still lingering in your brain. Everyone giggled lightly, the delirium setting in as the beginning credits played. It was only a minute before you heard Josh’s light snoring and Elle’s heavy breathing above you. Jake, half asleep, wrapped his arm around your waist, and cuddled his face into the back of your head. He was snoring immediately. Sam turned and watched him bury his face in your neck, a solemn look on his face.  

“What?” You asked, noticing him staring. 

“Nothin’, babe.” He said, returning his eyes to the movie. 

You and Sam. The last ones standing. Again. 

“Why is it always us last?” He whispered quietly after ten minutes or so. 

The colorful lights from the TV were bouncing off his perfectly toned skin, making you ever jealous of his unblemished complexion. 

“Because we’re the most badass, I guess.” You said quietly, rolling to your side to face him. Jake rolled over, his back facing you. Sam mirrored your action, turning himself sideways to face you, too. 

“I talked to Elle tonight.” You said finally, both of you now ignoring the movie. 

His eyes opened wide. “You did? And?” He asked. 

“Went perfect. She’s absolutely fine, Sam. She’s one in a million, I swear.” You answered, remembering your sweet conversation from earlier. 

His face fell. Not in a bad way, but in an accepting way. 

“Yeah, she really is.” His eyes bolted back up to you, staring those intense daggers directly into your soul. “Not another girl like her in the world.”

You felt your face go flush, and your stomach turn. Your faces were so close, his hand was brushing up against yours. It had been a long time since you were this close, since the day he played you Wonderful Tonight at sound check. 

His pinky began to brush your hand, tickling the inside of your wrist. 

“Remember that time we went shopping for clothes for that wedding, at that giant mall?” He asked. 

You nodded, bringing the memory back. 

“And we’d accidentally gotten drunk at lunch right before, so we…” he trailed off, scrunching his nose up. 

“…Snuck into a dressing room?” You finished the story for him. “Yeah, I remember that.” You grinned, feeling yourself blush at the memory. “God we were dumb! We could’ve gotten caught so easily.” 

He laughed quietly through his nose. “Yeah, it was dumb. But it was hot, you gotta agree...” 

You nodded. “Of course it was hot. Everything we did was hot.” 

Ah, watch your words, Y/N. Shhhh…

He beamed. “We were pretty hot, weren’t we?” You could tell you’d gotten his wheels turning. 

“Yeah, ha ha, we were. Years of pent-up frustration, I guess.” You said. “We had to let it out somehow.”

“Frustration? Like sexual frustration? I thought you didn’t ever think of me that way…” he was genuinely surprised. 

You brought your face closer to his, trying your hardest to speak as low as possible. You were glad the movie was still playing loudly. He was still tickling your wrist. 

“Of course I thought of you that way, Sam, way back at the very beginning. We went through puberty together, basically. You were the first boy I was ever attracted to, like that. I always thought you might…I dont know– But I just never had the same…feelings as you did for me. I mean, we hardly spoke until highschool.” You hoped your confession wasn’t going to make him feel weird. 

He took a second, his mouth falling open slightly. You could feel his breath on your face, a familiar feeling that you didn’t think you’d ever experience again. Especially not with Jake’s back still pressed against you. 

Sam glanced up onto the couch, making sure everyone was still sleeping soundly. His eyes bounced behind you to Jake, too. 

He laid his head back down, looking in your eyes again. “You wanted me to take your virginity, Y/N?” He asked, all seriousness in his voice. 

You nodded, thinking back on your past. You always trusted Sam the most, and you were attracted to him, most ways, but it was a strange time in life. You were very young, but you remembered, at one point, thinking about asking him. Just as friends. To learn together. But you’d changed your mind, you’d never be caught dead telling him that at such a young impressionable age. 

And then you got to know Jake. 

And then you met Andy. 

“Wow…” he rolled his head back to look at the ceiling, blinking rapidly. You felt your heart begin to thump. You weren’t sure you’d ever told anyone that. 

He rolled back over to face you, grabbing your hand with the tips of his fingers. “Why didn’t you ever tell me that? I could have– we could have been each other’s…”

He couldn’t finish. The unspoken regrets from both of you filled the air. You laid your free hand to his face, eliciting a small gasp from him. 

“Why didn’t you ever ask me to?” He said quietly. 

You thought for a second. 

“I was shy, didn’t want to ruin our friendship, I guess. That’s kind of a big thing to ask someone as young teenagers, you know?” You said, giving him a small smile. 

He was quiet for a minute. “I wanted to ask you, too. I always wanted it to be you, my first. I knew we’d both be clueless, so it would be comfortable. Probably would have laughed through the whole thing. But…I guess my brother caught your eye.” 

“He wasn’t my first either, Sam.” You admitted. 

His eyebrows shot up. “He wasn’t?” 

“No. Andy was.” You said, your eyes dropping. 

“Oh. Well.” He sighed hard. “I’m glad we got to experience each other, even if it was years too late.” He paused again, fully grabbing your hand. 

“I sometimes wish…” he bit the inside of his cheek. 

“Wish what, Sam?” You said, your breath hanging with the feeling of his on your lips. 

He paused and swallowed. “That I could’ve made it last just a little bit longer.”

You felt your heart fall. His face was hanging, he was biting his lips. His eyes flicked back and forth from your eyes to your lips, you quickly recognized the warmth between you, and you knew it all too well. 

“I didn't even know it was the last time… I would’ve–” he stopped as you interrupted him.

“It’s alright Sam, maybe it’s a good thing we didn’t keep things going. Things could have ended up very differently, if we did…” you let the words hang there. 

His eyes scanned yours, searching for an answer that wasn’t there. He brought his hand up to your cheek, too, his thumb rubbing tiny circles. 

“Right, things could have been so different…” 

——

SAM POV

You didn’t realize you’d drifted off until you felt a light tapping on your cheek, and fingers rustling your hair. 

“Sam, Sammy hey...” the tapping continued. You opened your eyes, finding yourself lying with Y/N in the same position still. Faces close, and your hand still cupping her face. You blinked a few times, checking your surroundings. Everyone was still sleeping. 

You looked at her, her eyes wide with want. “Let’s go upstairs.”

“What? Upstairs? Why?” You whispered, feeling out of sorts. 

“You know why...” She said. 

Suddenly you found yourself being whisked away from your bed on the floor, her pulling your hand to stand. You looked back to see everyone still in their places, pillows covering their faces from the light of the TV. 

Her hand was pulling you up the stairs, your legs tripping over themselves as you tried your best to keep up with her rushing you. What is she doing? Is this what I think it is?

You landed at the top of the stairs, and she was still yanking at your hand to follow. You quickly rounded the corners of the house, trying to be light on your feet so as not to wake anyone with a creak in the floor. Her hand was warm on yours, your fingers interlaced. Your heart began to pound as you entered your bedroom. 

She pulled you inside with force, letting you fall into your unmade bed. She closed the door behind you, and you heard the lock latch. 

“Y/N, what are you doing? What is this?” You asked, your voice stammering like you had a mouthful of peanut butter. 

“Sam, I want you. One more time. Just one more time…” her voice was low, almost a whisper, and you couldn’t see her face very well in the dark of the room. 

Suddenly she was straddling your lap, pulling herself onto you and pulling your hair from the bun you’d put it in. Her fingers intertwined in your hair, and you could feel the heat radiating from her body as she pressed against you. 

What the hell is going on? 

She leaned down, pressing her lips to yours in a heated and strangled kiss, like she was starving for you. For just a second, you let yourself feel it. Let yourself enjoy the taste of her again. It had taken you by surprise, but you welcomed it. It felt so good, so wrong…

“Wait. Wait wait, Y/N.” You pulled away. “This is wrong. We can’t do this.”

She pulled back too, looking deeply into your eyes. 

“…You and I both know you want this too, Sam. I see the way you look at me, still. We don’t have to tell anyone. Please…” she whines.

“What about Jake? And Elle?” you ask.

“They’re downstairs. Asleep. They’ll never even know, Sammy…Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t want to fuck me one more time?” 

You met her eyes, blurry and zipping back and forth with unhinged passion. You did. You did want this. One more time. You couldn’t deny it, the fire inside you still raged for her, but you’d never admit it. Coming back home and being close with her again had begun to take a toll on you mentally...you found yourself being drawn to her again. All the while still falling deeply more in love with Elle. 

Her hands rustled into your hair, and the fiery attachment you learned that you shared with her came crashing back onto you like waves knocking you right off your feet. So wrong, so wrong. 

But you couldn’t stop yourself. She was here, she felt it too. You brought your lips to hers again, taking her in a heated and searing kiss, grabbing her ass and her tits, anywhere your hands would allow. 

You picked her up and flipped her over, lying her on her back. You pulled her sweatpants down quickly, taking her panties with them. She sat up on her elbows, watching you. You crouched to the floor and pushed her knees apart, revealing her beautiful core to you again after so long. You immediately attached your mouth to her, taking her sweet taste in, absolutely driving yourself wild with want for her. 

Her sounds were euphoric already as she whined as quietly as she could, her whimpers making you impossibly hard. Your tongue stretched deeply inside her as you savored her taste…your hands forcefully massaging her thighs. You worked her clit a little bit, swirling it around with the end of your tongue, then switching to flattening your tongue to collect all her wetness. Her legs squeezed around your head, and her body began to quiver. 

“Fuck, Sam. I missed you…keep going…don’t stop…” she breathed. 

But you did stop. You knew that you were going to make the next move, you were in far too deep to turn back now. You needed to feel her again, needed to feel her release around you. You were craving it. You knew your bed would make too much noise, so you took her hands and stood her up, pushing her backwards against the wall by your closet. 

She reached down and pulled your pants to the floor, letting you spring free. You stepped out of them, losing your balance for just a second. You regained your composure, and pulled her leg up to hitch around your hip…Just like you did in the hotel shower...This was one of her favorites…

“Are you gonna fuck me Sammy? Please? Can you make me feel good again?” She asked as you teased her entrance and buried your face in her neck. 

“Yes…” you breathed. “Only I can make you feel perfect, you know that, right? You never forgot? Tell me.” 

“I never forgot…I just need you, please Sammy…”

With that, you plunged into her, filling her all the way up as you pressed her hard against the wall. 

“Ahhh..fuck meee…god I missed you...” she let out. 

Feeling her tight around you again was like heaven on earth, she felt so perfect around you. Like a puzzle piece that was meant for you and you only. You drove into her with force, expletives falling from both of your lips. Your head was spinning, her scent overtaking your senses…it was euphoric. So carnal and so primal…she still brought out those feelings in you. She always had. Your sex lives together were one you’d never be able to emulate with anyone else. So right, so right. 

Why did you ever stop this? 

“Fuck Y/N…” you whined.

Her sounds were driving you mad, her hands were pulling at your body, gripping at your skin, her nails leaving her marks all over you. But you didn’t care. You attached your lips to hers again, letting her whimper into your mouth. You pulled away, bringing your mouth to her ear. 

“Stay quiet, baby girl. Just our little secret…Just us…”

You knew this was so wrong, but for some wild reason you let yourself do it. You let her do it. 

You felt her clenching around you, coming closer to her release. You continued to fuck her senseless..just like she asked you to the very first time you slept together. 

“Baby…I’m close...I’m coming…keep going...” she whispered just barely below speaking. 

“Let me have it, beautiful...fuck you’re so gorgeous, Y/N…” 

And she was coming undone around you, letting her knees buckle and her body go limp, but you held her steady with the wall at her back. Her sounds rang out like music flying through the air. You’d forgotten how melodic she sounded...how perfect and beautiful she was.

“Come for me now, baby…don’t hold back...” she said as you continued your assault on her. 

You felt your release drawing closer, the knot in your stomach pulling tightly and then releasing, pulsating in your stomach as your muscles began to tighten. 

“…come on…”  she pleaded, her voice like a siren in the ocean. 

No. 

No, no, no. Stop. 

You couldn’t. She wasn’t yours anymore. She was Jake’s. You couldn’t risk it. You pulled out, meeting her eyes once again, except this time they weren’t their normal color. They mirrored the glow of a fire, like they were filled with burning embers. They lit up the space between you, blazing and shining bright beams of light across your face. You had to shield your own eyes from hers, it felt like looking straight into the sun. You backed away, feeling terrified of what was in front of you. You fell back into your bed as the lights in her eyes grew brighter. 

“Bye, Sammy….” She spoke. 

Your eyes shot open as your breath caught in your throat. It was dry and hot, and you could hardly catch your breath. The layer of sweat that had covered your body was thick, almost dripping from your forehead. You looked around aimlessly, searching the room and feeling lost in your own mind. 

You looked across from you to find Y/N wrapped up in Jake’s arms, their bodies tangled together into one. Elle was still on the couch, laying perfectly still and angelic in her deep sleep. 

Fuck. A dream. 

A nightmare. 

You rubbed your eyes hard, lightly pounding your head with the heels of your hands. 

What the fuck, Sam?! What the hell was that about? You felt angry at yourself. So guilty for even thinking that your brain could cook something up like that. So vivid. And so realistic. You swore you could still feel the touch of her lips on yours. God, what an idiot. 

You sat up, deciding to retreat upstairs to your bed, feeling purely disgusted with yourself and your subconscious. Where did those thoughts even come from? 

These thoughts were not okay. Not okay in the least. 

—

The next morning, you were woken up to the smell of breakfast being cooked. It was tradition that your parents always cooked a giant breakfast the day after Thanksgiving, using as many leftovers as possible. Elle was curled up beside you; she must have come up to join you earlier this morning. 

Your head was pounding. Did you drink last night? No, not much. But you may as well have, with the way your mind was acting up. You covered your face with your hands, trying to physically wipe away the memory of the nightmare. Facing her today would be very weird. You already felt like you were outside of your own body, and you hadn’t even fully woken up yet. 

Make it through breakfast, go shopping, kiss your girlfriend...go with the motions…

You shook Elle awake, smiling when she swatted your hand away to let her sleep. She tossed and turned, grunting in aggravation as you kept shaking her. 

“There better be a good ass reason you’re waking me up like this.” She spoke through gritted teeth. 

You laughed. “How about my mom’s famous scrambled eggs and leftover honey ham?” 

She rolled back over, opening one eye to look at you. “Yeah, ok. Ok ok. I’ll get up for that.” 

You went to the bathroom to brush your teeth and calm your wild hair, and watched yourself in the mirror as you did so. You could hardly look at yourself. You felt so ashamed. You hadn’t done anything wrong...but your thoughts made you feel like absolute shit. You hadn’t thought about Y/N in that way in so long, it was almost foreign. 

But if it was so wrong, why did you enjoy it so much? You let out an audible cry of aggravation with yourself, damning every bad thought you’d had about her in the past few hours. You tried your hardest to shake it away, and put on a normal face. This was so stupid. You were happy with Elle. 

You joined everyone downstairs, the entire group actually awake at a decent hour. 

“Thanks for cooking again, Mom.” You said, putting your arm around her side as she stirred the eggs in the skillet. 

“Aw, of course my baby. I would cook every single meal for you all if it meant you’d be back home with me. Oh, and don’t forget I’m sending you back to Nashville with plenty of leftover pie, too. Don’t forget it.” She said, earning a chuckle from you. 

Y/N was brewing another pot of coffee when you caught her eyes, suddenly feeling the uneasiness creeping back in. She gave you her warmest smile, making your head spin. Fuck, look away. 

“Do you want coffee, Sammy?” She asked, holding up the fresh pot. Your name fell off her tongue like a perfect sonata. 

“Ah, no, I’m okay today. Thanks though.” You blurted out. Anything to get you away from her quicker. 

She gave you a strange look. “What? Are you sick?” Yeah, I think I am. 

“Nah, just. Gonna get some OJ instead.” You walked awkwardly over to the cabinet and pulled out a glass. Can you not act fucking normal around her? 

“…You hate orange juice...” she said, looking at you confused. 

“Welp, not anymore. Hey Ma, can I help set the table?” You’d say anything to get away from her chit chat right now. You had to keep your distance. Things just felt really freaking awkward. 

After sitting through the most uncomfortable breakfast you could have ever imagined, everyone made the decision of where they wanted to Christmas shop today. You’d all decided to keep it simple, and just visit the shops in town. 

“Let’s leave at noon?” Your mom said, making the executive decision. 

Elle came and kissed your cheek. “I’m gonna go shower and get dressed. I’ll see you in a bit, love.”

You decided to clean up the kitchen to distract yourself from your annoying thoughts. You were still having a hard time shaking them. Your whole body felt dirty, like you’d actually done what you dreamed about. You felt like you needed to punish yourself. So you made yourself work. Cleaning every inch of the kitchen and doing every dish, even going as far as wiping the refrigerator down and rearranging leftovers. 

“What the hell are you doing, Mr. Clean?” Josh asked, waltzing into the kitchen. 

“Just…trying to help mom out a little. Why do you care?” You replied, avoiding eye contact. 

“You’re scrubbing granite, Samuel.” He pointed to the now sparkling countertops, raising his eyebrows in question. 

You dropped your sponge dramatically, turning and leaning against the counter and crossing your arms. You knew what this was, he was about to lecture you about something. You could hear it in his voice. 

You lifted your two middle fingers to him, signaling for him to get on with whatever he had to say. He mirrored your stance on the opposite counter. 

“Have any wild dreams last night?” He asked quietly, looking over his shoulder. 

Oh fuck. 

“No, why?” You lied. 

He leaned in closely. “I heard you, dumbass. I got up to pee and you were making some god awful noises that I would rather not mimic.” 

You stared at him, unable to speak, feeling even more humiliated. You bit your tongue. 

He got even closer, bringing his voice to a whisper.  “Y/N, Sam? I heard you moaning her name…While you were laying right next to her, Jake and Elle?!” He shook his head in disappointment. 

He went on. “Listen to me right now, I don’t know what’s going on in your pretty little head, or between all you guys, but you need to dry it the fuck up, right now. Jake will fucking kill you this time. And I don’t mean that metaphorically. Do you hear me?” He growled, seething through his teeth. 

“It was a dream Josh, shit. I can’t control my dreams. I didn’t want it to happen either! Do you know how awkward I feel? And now even more awkward that you heard me? Damn!” You spat back, defending yourself. 

“All I’m saying is you seemed pretty involved in whatever you two were doing in your little dreamland…and you’d better not do anything to act on it. They just got back to being good again. We just got our Jake back. So don’t even think about it. Capiche?” He warned. 

“Are you fucking serious, Josh? Do you really think I’d act on it? Come on…” you responded, throwing your hands down in desperation. You were getting a little pissed. “I have Elle. We love each other. I can’t believe you’d ever even think…”

He stepped closer to your face again. 

“You acted on it before, Sam. In case you don’t remember. You took her away from him once already. Who’s to say you wouldn’t do it again? Do you not remember what you two put him through just a few months ago?! You tortured him…your own brother.” he was raising his voice a bit now, inches from your face. 

You bucked up to him, using your height as an advantage. Your blood was boiling at this point. 

“We have moved past that, Josh! The four of us. We cleared the air. Because we’re adults. Jake and I are fine. Plus it’s none of your fucking business, anyway!” You all but yelled in his face. 

His forehead was almost touching yours. 

“Anything that has to do with my twin, and my brother, and you two letting a girl come between you and the band, is ALL my business!” He shouted, still quietly enough so as not to draw attention. 

You couldn’t handle it. You put your hands to his shoulders, shoving him back with force. 

“She is not just a girl, Josh. How the fuck could you even say that? What you need to do is have more respect for your twin’s girlfriend than that. Jackass.” You seethed. You could feel your face getting hot. 

He laughed deviously, his tongue in his cheek. But absolutely nothing was funny. He was showing restraint, amused that you put your hands on him. 

“Who the fuck do you think worked so hard to get them back together, hm? Who orchestrated all of this? Made their dates happen, kept their secrets from management, cooled off the crew when they acted suspicious that their boss was flirting with a band member, hmm? Me. Did you ever stick up for them? Did you ever go to bat for them? No, I’m not sure that you did. And if you did, then call me crazy. But fuck you for assuming that I don’t have respect for her.” He said. 

A million words were threatening to spill from your mouth in retaliation, but all you could do was step back, and take a deep breath. He was right. Shit, he was right. 

Just then, you mom walked into the kitchen, catching the two of you amidst an impending brawl. 

“Boys! Is everything okay in here? Do I need to get your father?” She said, a truly heavy motherly warning in her voice. She had seen this many, many times before. And though you wanted to bash Josh’s head through the glass door, you’d thankfully grown up a bit. 

“No, Momma. Everything is peachy.” Josh said, smiling sarcastically as he was coming past you to leave the kitchen. He whispered to you again. “And don’t you ever fuckin’ put your hands on me like that again, little brother.” You rolled your eyes, shaking your head. 

“Let’s go shopping!” Josh said, gathering your mom up in his arms. 

You stood planted where you stood, feeling completely defeated, mad, embarrassed and confused. Why was she on your mind so much again? Elle was everything you could have ever wanted. You could feel the magnet pulling you toward Y/N again, sending you into her aura in a way that you couldn’t deny. You felt for her like you did when you were 15 again. All of it coming right back up to the surface out of nowhere. Except this time, all of it was completely forbidden. It was undeniable and unattainable.

You had to force these thoughts away. No matter what it took.  

JAKE POV

You tapped your fingers on the couch, staring out the living room window at the quiet street. The house however, was far from quiet. The sounds of everyone rushing around to get ready to leave, deciding on a day of shopping to burn off the extra indulgences from the night before. 

It took you about ten minutes to get ready; A quick shower and threw on whatever you put in your suitcase. You didn’t really understand why it took everyone else so long, but at least you had a little time to yourself while you waited. You began scrolling through social media, your foot tapping on the floor as you moved your fingers. It was almost second nature to move your foot in a rhythm, something you could never seem to turn off. 

As you scrolled you saw nothing of interest, pushing the phone back into your pocket with a sigh. You heard your dad in the kitchen, milling around to keep himself busy, so you decided to join him.

You perched yourself at one of the barstools, leaning your elbows onto the counter as you watched him arrange the dishes that were put away incorrectly. 

“You not joining us on this riveting outing?” you asked sarcastically. 

He turns to face you, “Pffft…not quite.”

“Lucky man…” you quip.

He places the mugs back into the cabinet as he turns to face you, “Seems I am not the only lucky man, lately.” he says, raising an eyebrow.

“Seems so. Didn’t see it coming. Glad it did.” you reply, not giving away too much. 

He nods his head as he leans onto the countertop, “You know…I met your mom when I was eighteen…”

“Is that right?” you ask.

“It is. We were young kids…didn’t know our asses from our elbows. But the one thing we did know is that we loved each other. That was enough for us. I could look at her and I knew. Same for her.” he said, staring off into the distance. 

“I see a lot of the same things with you and Y/N. See a lot of your mom and I. Just thought you should know I’m happy for you son. Just want you two to be happy.” he says, sending you a soft smile.

“How did you…” you stop, clearing your throat before starting again, “How did you know you were ready to… move forward?” you say, glancing over your shoulder. 

“Well, do you love her?” he asks.

“Since I was sixteen…” you answer. 

“I figured as much. Can you imagine your life without her?” he asks.

“No. Not anymore.” you answer truthfully.

“Do you see yourself…” he shrugs, “...you know…” he says gesturing to the house around you.

“What? Living with her?” you answer, confused.

“No. Well, yeah, living with her. I mean, do you see yourself years from now in your own home washing your own dishes as your kids get ready to leave you to go shopping?” he laughs.

“You know, when we first got together, before we ever really made it, yeah, I saw us together. Big house, kids, all that. But then she left and we started touring and I started living that musician dream I always had, and that all got kind of pushed to the backburner. It wasn’t…important, at least not without her. I dated a few people, but…I never saw it moving past anything other than casually dating. Then, she came back and my whole world got flipped upside down and shaken out in front of everyone. Everything exploded in my face. I got cheated on…She started seeing Sam for a bit.. and I was…so fucked up over it. Really….” you pause as he nods his head. 

“Yeah, I saw them on the couch the other night. Seemed friendly.” he says, cocking an eyebrow at you. 

“But see, that's the thing. That’s all they are to each other. She loves me, I love her. Sam knows that. Sam loves Elle, and he loves Y/N too, but in a different way than he loves Elle. They were best friends before I was ever… involved. I don’t know how to explain it, but they were just… there for each other while I figured my shit out. It sounds crazy and messed up, but it works for all of us. Somehow…”

“So, how did all of this come back together the way it did?” he asks, hanging the dish towel on the stove.

“Well, Josh brought her on to come work with us. She did our coordinating. Fucking killed it too, I have to say. Anyways, she came to work for us, and things were a little tense for a while. I wanted her, I knew she wanted me but wouldn’t let herself have it. I think we both kind of knew and were prolonging the inevitable and trying to fight it. The problem was that she signed a contract saying that she wouldn’t have relationships with anyone involved in the production, and that included me. She fought it for weeks. We were both miserable, I said some horrible shit to her…I was ready to give up. But, I think it was Chicago… I…played that song I wrote for her… She knew it was for her, I finally spoke to her in a way she could understand. We both couldn’t fight it anymore.” you said, rubbing your fingers over your chin. 

“But it was like the moment she came back into my life in that way, that backburner was flipped to high, and the pot started to boil over. All those feelings came rushing back, and had only been growing over time. Sitting here, in this house with her, where all of this started… I realized I do still want all of those things, but only with her. We’ve only really been together for about two months, but it just feels…so much longer than that. Partly because it has been longer. Years longer. Like I said, I have loved her–no, been in love with her since I was sixteen. No one else ever came close. No one else ever will.”  you say.

“So… you think she’s the one?” he asks, voice low.

“No. I know she is. If it’s not her, then it's no one.” you answer.

“I know how you feel son, it’s all too familiar to me.” he smiles.

“And I’m sorry I hurt you and mom all those years I didn’t come around. That was shitty of me. I was only thinking about me and my pain, and not the pain I was causing to others by removing myself.” you say finally. 

“I knew why. Your mom did too. Doesn’t mean we didn’t miss you. But, feels like we’ve got you back now. Hopefully for good. Haven’t seen your mom this happy in ages.” he smiles.

“Can’t get rid of me old man…” you smile back, hearing Sam’s loud footsteps thundering down the stairs.

“For what it’s worth, your mom and I couldn’t imagine you with anyone else. Even if we never said anything, we always hoped it would be her.” he says, patting you on the shoulder just as Sam walks into the kitchen.

—

Your dads words echoed through your head as you walked the strip of shops downtown. You walked with her, hand in hand, stopping here and there to take pictures and sign autographs, making a special stop in the tiny store that sold your merch, to sign vinyls and take a few photos. 

There were quite a few shops on this main strip, and since it was the day after Thanksgiving, people were out and about already beginning their Christmas shopping. It was a Christmas town after all. You hadn’t really put much thought into Christmas yet. You had something in mind for her, but first came her birthday in a few weeks.

“I love it here. It's so…charming!” Elle said cheerfully. “Oh! Y/N let’s go in here and see if they have anything for us!” she said, pulling Y/N from your grip and into the store with her. 

Sam follows them inside, leaving you, your mom and Josh to continue walking the path of stores. 

“Hey, I’m gonna pop in here for a minute. I’ll text you when I’m done.” Josh says, nodding his head to an all too familiar record shop. 

“Just you and me now, huh buddy?” your mom said, linking her arm with yours. 

“I’m going to stop in here for a minute, do you want to come in with me, or wait out here?” she asks.

“I’ll come in…” you reply, pulling the door open for her.

She walks to the back of the store, talking with the shop owner as you look around at the various racks of clothing and shoes. After a while your mom makes her selections and walks up to the register, and as you walk up to meet her you walk past a lit jewelry case, letting your eyes glance over the items inside.

You stop as something catches your eye, your heart beating a little faster at the sight of it. It’s perfect.

An employee walks over to you, with a friendly smile, “Anything I can get out for you?” she asks.

“Hey! Yeah, could you take out this one for me?” you ask, pointing through the glass.

“This one?” she asks.

“Yes! Please, I will take that.” you reply, pulling out your wallet.

“Oh, don’t you want to know how much it is first?” she asks.

“No. Thank you though.” you reply, sliding your card across the glass. The price didn’t matter. It never would. You’d pay any price to see the smile it was going to put on her face. 

“Okay, let me get it wrapped up for you, I’ll be right back!” she says. 

After a few minutes she comes back, and processes the purchase, handing you your card and the shiny black bag. “Thanks so much!” she smiles.

“Ah, thank you!” you reply, knowing that you just found the most perfect gift. Or, it found you.

Your mom makes her way over to you, smiling with bags in her hands, “Did you find something, honey?” she asks.

“I did. Just bought Y/N’s birthday present. She’s going to love it.” you smile.

“Oh, Jakey, I’m so happy you’re happy. I love you both so much. Makes me want to cry.” she laughs. 

You laugh with her, putting your arm around her shoulder as you walk back up the street, “Get what you wanted?” you ask.

“I did! But, where did your brother run off to?” she asks.

“Vinyl Bank, where else?” you laugh. “Want to grab a coffee while we wait for them?”

She nods her head leading the way to the little coffee house you used to frequent. After ordering your coffees, the two of you sat at the small tables outside sipping on the hot drinks, waiting to hear from the girls, Sam, or even Josh. 

You took in your surroundings, a place you once called home, and felt nostalgic about the time you used to spend here. As your eyes looked over the rim of your paper cup you spotted the place it all began. Just across the street sat Fischer Hall. The place that welcomed you and your little band, so many years ago, time and time again. You spent hours in that place, playing, wondering what it would be like to play on a stage bigger than that. In a venue that could hold thousands instead of a few hundred. 

You let out a deep breath as you stared at the building, remembering all the times you walked in and out of those doors, promising yourself you’d make it out of here. Make it out of this small town and show the world what you and your brothers could really do. Make an impact on people. Spread your message of love and unity. Provide hope to people who need it, the same way you did.

You wished you could go back and tell that version of yourself that you did it. You did make it out of here, you did show the world, and that you did get the girl in the end. 

You smile to yourself as a small bout of tears fill your eyes. You blink them away quickly and look over to your mom, knowing that none of this would have happened without her. 

“Hey Mom?” you ask, getting her attention.

“Yeah, honey?” she replies, looking at you concerned. 

“I love you. Thank you…for everything. You know we wouldn’t be where we are now without you supporting us in the beginning.” you said, still blinking back the tears welling in your eyes.

“Jakey…” she replies, grabbing your hand. “The greatest accomplishment of my life is watching my sons be able to live their dream.”

Just then, Josh walks up behind the two of you, and takes a seat. “Um… did I interrupt something?” he asks.

You both laugh as you sniffle away the tears, “No, no, we were just reminiscing on old times.”

“Ahh, You must have looked over and saw Fischer, huh?” he asks.

You nod with a smirk.

“Happened to me too the first time. We all feel that way brother. Always gotta remember your roots.” he smiles, patting you on the back. As the words sank in, it hit you.

“What if we went back to them?” you said, turning to face him, a serious look on your face.

“Our roots?” he asks, rubbing his fingers over his mouth.

“Yeah. Strip it down…Take it back a bit.” you answer, a smile threatening your lips.

His eyes squinted, before looking off into the distance and smiling as he nodded his head, “Yeah, what if…”

You both looked at each other and smiled, your next great idea was just born, on the very steps of where it all began.

—

A half hour later, you finally found Y/N, Sam, and Elle walking at a quick pace down the sidewalk toward you. When you finally met, you could tell something was off. 

“Hey! You guys ready to go? I think I have everything I need.” Y/N said, taking your hand. 

“Yeah, I think we’re ready to go…Hey, you okay?” You asked, pulling her back from the group and squeezing her hand. You pulled your sunglasses to sit on top of your head to look into her eyes. 

“Yeah yeah, I’m...fine. Just tired. You ready?” She pushed past you again…hurrying to catch up with the group. She was definitely not fine. 

The car ride home was full of your mom’s old stories about your dad’s shows at Fischer Hall, all when they first got married and she was going to watch him play. Never knowing that their kids would one day be doing the same thing. 

Y/N sat beside you, her knee bouncing as she started at the window, trying her best to stay involved with the conversation. 

You leaned over and whispered in her ear. “Babe, you’re acting like we’re about to get on a plane. Your nerves are making me nervous. You sure you’re okay?” 

She looked directly in your eyes finally, giving you a knowing look. She didn’t even have to speak, you knew from her expression that she’d talk about it later. So you left it at that. 

After lugging your bags and gifts upstairs to your bedroom with Y/N, you took off your coat and plopped down onto your bed. “Let’s take a nap.” You suggested. 

She sauntered over, laying down next to you and cuddling up underneath your arm. “Mmm, that sounds kind of nice actually.” 

A few moments passed as the two of you relaxed. “You feeling better now?” You tiptoed lightly, wanting to know why she was so bothered earlier, but also didn’t want to overstep. 

“Yes, better now that we’re here. That I’m safe with you.” She murmured. 

You furrowed your brow. “Safe with me? Why wouldn’t you be safe there-“

She sat up, leaning on one arm. “I- I think I saw Andy, Jake. In the shops…it was only for a split second, but I swear it was him. He looked different, but. I could tell.” 

You sat up, too. “What? Are you serious? Are you sure it was him?”

“No, I’m not 100% positive. It really looked like him, though. He made eye contact with me for just a second, too. So, if it was him, he saw me too. I haven’t seen him in so long…you know what I mean?” She rambled, becoming visibly more distraught. 

You brought her back down to lay beside you, curling her up underneath you. Fuck. You knew it was him. It had to have been. You never thought he would have followed her back home again, but then, he’s surprised you a few times now. You thought home was your safe space, but apparently not. You had to tell the guys to be on lookout. This was getting worse and worse as time went on. You felt your blood beginning to boil again. 

“I’m so sorry, love. Maybe it wasn’t him, you know? Maybe your eyes were playing tricks?” You played it off, as much as it hurt you to lie to her. 

“Maybe…I don’t know…” she went silent as you let her relax for just a little longer in your embrace. 

—

After a while, she sat back up again, rubbing her face with her hands. 

“I can’t sleep, my brain is running wild.” She said. 

She was still shaken, that much you could tell. You knew you had to get her out of the house while she processed her thoughts. You knew she wouldn’t want to talk about it around the others. She barely even talked to you about it, and you couldn’t risk one of the guys slipping up about what had been happening the past few months. 

“Let’s go for a drive.” You said, pulling her up from the bed with you. 

“Right now?” She asked, quickly sliding on her boots.

“Yeah, just us.” You said grabbing the keys and rushing her out the door. 

You shut the passenger door behind her, the nice weather giving way to a cloudy sky, gray and cold. You jumped into the driver's seat, turning the key in the ignition and pulling out of the driveway, with your hand draped over her headrest.

“Where are we going?” she asks.

“I don’t know, away from the house for a while…” you say, driving down the old backroads. 

You place your hand on her leg, letting your fingers trail over her jeans. The gray sky decides to give way, as tiny raindrops begin to litter the windshield. 

You look over to her, her head resting on the window as she gets lost in her own head. 

“Baby…” you say, grabbing her hand in yours. She looks over to you and pulls your intertwined hands up to her cheek, resting your warm hand on her face. She drops her hand leaving yours to rest on her cheek, letting your thumb rub over the prominent bone. 

“My love, what’s wrong? Talk to me.” you plead.

You see the sign for the turn off to head to the lake, and realize that is where you were already driving whether you knew it or not. It was the place you always went when you needed to clear your head. 

“I don’t know what to say Jake, I– I never thought I would see him again.” she said emotionlessly. 

“Are you positive it was him?” you question. 

“I…I think so? I don’t know. It’s been a long time. It was his eyes. I just…felt it, you know?” she says, searching her mind.

“Well, you’re safe with me. You know that right?” you ask, bringing her hand to your lips.

“I know. It just brought back that fight or flight feeling, and… every bad memory I fought off after everything.” she says, rubbing her thumb over your fingers.

You pull into the entrance for the lake, but instead of parking in the parking lot you drive a little further down, into the small patch of trees you used to park under years ago.

You turn the car off, letting the sound of the rain hitting the windshield bring you both into a more relaxed state. 

She turns in her seat to face you, and you look at her, taking a deep breath before you speak. 

“I know you have a hard time talking about that part of your life. I don’t expect you to share any of it with me, if that’s not something you want to do. I know it’s painful and you do your best to forget about it. But, we never really talked about it after you had your nightmare back in LA, and again, if you don’t want to, we don’t have to. I just…want to be able to help you the best way I can if it happens again. I want you to feel safe, and protected. You never really told me the extent of what he did to you back then, but from what I’ve gathered, it’s enough to turn my stomach.” you trail off. 

She swallows hard as she turns her gaze to the raindrops pelting the windshield through the trees. 

“It was a memory.” she whispers. 

“What?” you ask, playing with her fingertips.

“The nightmare. It was a memory.” she breathes. 

You nod your head, “Are they all…memories?” you ask.

She stares off into space, her expression sullen. “Usually. Mostly.”

“Was he hurting you?” you ask, nervously.

“He was trying to. I was fighting him off. It was a normal occurrence, but it got out of hand that night.” she remembers. 

You brought your fingertips to your lips, pressing them together softly as she continued. 

“It was his birthday. I thought it would be nice to surprise him, cook him dinner, hangout, just have a little date night in. I had a key to his apartment, and I let myself in and started cooking, and cleaning up a little while I waited for him to come home. He did eventually come home, I could tell he had been drinking already. I could smell it on him. I knew I needed to tread lightly.” she pauses, swallowing back the lump in her throat. 

“Baby, you don’t have to tell me, it’s okay rea–” you start, but she interrupts you. 

“No, you need to know. You deserve to know. I love you and I want you to know about the shit that haunts me. If… you want to know about it.” she says nervously. 

“Of course I do. I want to know every single thing there is to know about you.” you answer. 

She nods her head and continues, “So he came in guns blazing about ‘springing plans on him’ when I supposedly knew he was going drinking with his friends that night. Made a big deal about me ruining his night. I felt horrible. Like everything I did meant nothing. I told him I was sorry, and that it must have slipped my mind. Then came the name calling. Of course I was upset, which made him even more mad. I wanted to leave, but after a while he cooled off. Said he was sorry, and wanted to eat with me. So we did. I thought things were fine, and that maybe I had just overreacted. After we ate, he told me he was just going to go out and have a few drinks with his friends and he would be back in an hour or two. So he left, and I stayed, and cleaned up everything.” she says, with a sigh. 

You knew this story was about to take a turn, and you were already gripping her hand tightly as she told it. 

“It had been hours. I waited up for him. It was stupid of me, really. I knew he wouldn't be home until three in the morning. It would be no different than any other night. I must have dozed off waiting, because I woke up to the sound of him drunkenly barrelling through his living room and into his bedroom. He walked with two bottles of beer in his hand, and used the other to  rip the blankets off the bed, saying he was ‘glad I was awake’. I could tell he was completely gone. Completely belligerent. I sat up in the bed and asked him why he was gone so long. He asked me ‘if I really thought he would want to spend his birthday with me at home.’ That hurt pretty bad, I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, but I knew it would set him off, so I choked them down.” she says, her voice starting to grow shaky. 

You knew she needed to get this out. Part of you thought maybe it would help her let it go, but your blood was boiling, and you knew you would never forget it, regardless if she did or not. You shook your head, thinking how you’d do anything to spend a birthday alone at home with her.

“He grabbed my legs and pulled me down the bed telling me that he was going to ‘fuck me as his birthday gift to himself’. Told me ‘I was his favorite place to put his cock, at least tonight’. I told him no, and kicked off of him. I didn’t want him anywhere near me. But he didn’t like that answer. He grabbed at me more forcefully, and told me that ‘it wasn’t up to me’. I kept kicking at him, and that only pissed him off more. My foot connected with one of the beer bottles in his hand, spilling it all over him, which in turn made him let go of me, long enough for me to sprint into his bathroom and lock the door.”

“Fuck babe…you were kicking in your sleep. That’s what woke me up.” you say, rubbing your hand over your face. 

“The dreams feel so real. Feels like I am right back in the moment…I hate it. I don’t even know what brings them on.” she says with a sigh. 

“Anyways, so–” she stops as you cut her off. 

“Wait there’s more?!” you ask.

“Yeah, there's…more.” she pauses. “So I am in the bathroom, panicking. I’m essentially trapped in there. I didn’t have my phone or anything. He is just pounding on the door. It was so loud, he had to have woken every neighbor he had. I was finally alone, and the tears were flowing. I couldn’t stop them if I tried. I huddled on the bathroom floor with my hands over my ears, trying to tune out his screaming, but it was no use. He started throwing his body against the door, trying to break it down. I knew he would. I knew I just had to open the door and let him do whatever he was going to do. I knew that the sooner I let him, the sooner he would pass out and it would all be over.” she said, eyes welling with tears. 

“So I stood up, and tried my best to pull myself together, and that's when he started throwing things at the door. I don’t know what it was, but it was glass. The beer bottles he was holding… whatever he could find really. It stopped for a second, and I opened the door to see him starting to swing his broken bottle against the door. I threw my hand up to try and catch his arm before the jagged glass hit my face, but in his drunken state his reaction time was delayed and he sliced my hand. I pushed him back away from the door, blood pouring from the top of my palm.” she says, extending her right hand towards you.

She flips her hand in yours to rest it palm up, maneuvering her fingers in the light to reveal her still pink scar. Your heart dropped into your stomach at the thought of her trying to fight him off. You had first hand knowledge of how he liked to fight. You were seething, trying your best to contain your emotions as she continued telling you this story.

“I was bleeding everywhere, I tried to hold pressure on it, but he still hadn’t even noticed it had happened. He was still trying to drag me to the bed. I screamed at him, told him I was bleeding, and that he cut me. To stop touching me. He finally saw, and his entire demeanor changed. It was like a light switch flipped. He panicked and spent an hour trying to bandage me up the best he could, even completely intoxicated. He knew I was upset, and said everything he possibly could to try and make up for it. Told me he loved me and he didn’t mean what he said earlier in the night. I know now that he was gaslighting me into staying with him. Telling me what I wanted to hear to save face…” she trails off. 

“...In the end he did get what he wanted that night. He did fuck me, just like he wanted and I laid there and took it like I had no choice. He told me he loved me after all…Made me say it back, even though I knew it wasn’t true. It hurt and I hated every miserable second of it, but I knew it was the only way the night was going to end. To finally be over. He passed out afterwards, but I didn’t. I laid there still shaking from the shock of everything, thinking of any and everything else to get my mind off of it. I cried as quietly as I could, wishing things were different. Wishing I never met him. Wondering how I was going to get out of the situation I found myself in. I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone. I knew how it would make me look, staying with someone who treated me like that, but I was scared of what would happen if I left.”

She grabbed your hand and ran her fingers around your palm, a single tear slipping from her lashes. “I fell asleep that night thinking about you. Wondering what you were doing. If you were awake, or asleep. If you were alone or with someone. Wishing I could just call you up and talk to you about anything you wanted until we both fell asleep. I didn’t know that a few weeks later you’d be falling asleep next to me. I wish I would have known. I think it would have made that night a little more bearable.” she finishes. 

It’s silent in the car for what seems like ten minutes as the two of you just stare off into the distance, the view of the lake blurry and obstructed by the continuously falling rain. Her hand, still gripped in yours, was growing cold. Your thoughts were swirling around in your head so quickly you could hardly catch one to make a coherent thought out of it. You were mad. No, furious that not only had he hurt her mentally, and emotionally, he hurt her physically. He drew blood. You kissed her cold hand, holding it to your lips as you memorized the feeling of her skin on yours. 

“I will never, ever, let him near you again, Y/N. Never. He will have to go through me to get to you.” you promised. 

“I know, Jake. I think that’s why I never told you all the things that he did back then. I was afraid if you knew the extent of it, you’d do something drastic. I couldn’t risk you losing everything you worked for. It was part of the reason I left.” she admits. 

“You’re right. Back then…I probably would have killed him. I should have done worse that night at the bar.” you say, shaking your head. “But I get it. You couldn’t live with that guilt. I understand why you didn’t tell me, or anyone for that matter. I wish you would have though. You shouldn’t have had to endure that.” you reply.

She nods her head in agreement. The past is the past, and there's nothing you could do but move forward. Move forward with the small increments of this part of her that she was willing to share. You knew that she felt like it made her look weak, but you knew that wasn’t true. In fact, you never saw her stronger than she was right now. Sharing something painful with you in hopes you would understand. Opening up to you little by little. Baring her soul to you, in hopes you’d still love it the same. And you did. You loved her more, even.

“I love you Y/N.” you whisper. 

She swallows the lump in her throat as her eyes meet yours, “I love you too Jake. I really do.”

The two of you sat, saying nothing for a while, just being there with each other. The rain pattered across the windows, as the sky started to grow dark. You turned the car on, letting the heat blow into the now chilly cabin, rubbing her leg with your hand to warm her up. 

She smiled over at you, and you watched her expression change to one of fondness. 

“Do you remember that time we came out here…right before you guys left to write the first album?” she asks.

You smile, covering your mouth with your fingers, as you bashfully look down at the steering wheel. “Yeah. Yeah, after our date.” you reply. Knowing exactly which memory she is pulling from, completely unknowing that it is one of your favorites.

“God, I was so sad... I didn’t want you to leave. I wanted to stay in that backseat with you for the rest of the summer.” she smiled. 

“I didn’t want to leave either, love. If I would have known what was going to happen when I got back, I probably would have. Do you remember what you told me that night?” you asked, wondering if she would remember it as clearly as you do.

She smiles playfully, “Hmmm….what did I say…Let me think…” she says, tapping her finger to her chin. 

“Wasn’t it something along the lines of, ‘I’ll love you forever Jacob Kiszka’…” she says, tilting her head to the side. 

You laugh, as your eyes meet hers. “Yeah, that was exactly it. Do you know how many times I replayed that memory in my head? Just wishing I could hear you say it one more time?” you say.

“Probably as many times as I did. Thought of that night all the time. I knew you loved me. I could feel it in the way you touched me. I knew no one else could love me like that. I was right.” she smiled, running her hand down your leg. 

“Will you? Love me… like that again?” she asks, nervously.

You tilt your head to the side and smirk, “Are you asking me to take you back to the backseat?” you laugh.

“Yeah… Like old times.” she says innocently. 

You purse your lips together, stifling back a smile as you open your car door and walk around to hers, quickly shuffling her from the front seat to the back seat through the pouring rain. 

You join her in the backseat, dripping wet, and giggling. You find the lever to lay down the seats, and let them fall until the backseat is now flat. You grab her feet and pull off her boots one by one, before removing your own. It had been a while since you’d done anything in a car, the space was cramped and unfamiliar, but there was a certain nostalgia swirling in the air around you and you let it guide your every move.

You slipped her arms out of her coat, throwing it over the front seat as she pushed back further into the car. “You know, we haven’t really touched each other in a few days…” she says, pulling her shirt over her head. 

“Kind of hard when you’re in a house full of people who are also your family.” you laugh.

“I know, I just…miss you. Miss your touch.” she says, laying back onto the black seats. 

“Everyday has been a struggle. Believe me.” you laugh, pulling your own shirt over your head. “Thought I was going to have to wait until we got home.” 

She laughs and pulls your neck down towards her face, connecting your lips in the kiss you’ve been thinking about all day. The rain is pouring down onto the car, the hum filling the air around you in a continuous buzz. 

You pull away from her just enough to speak, “Baby?” you ask, feeling your lips moving against hers. 

“Yeah?” she breathes.

“You know if you ever… don’t want to…we don’t have to right?” you ask, hoping that she does in fact, know that.

“Of course, Jake. I know you would never…” she says, eyes piercing into yours. “But right now… I do.”

You connect your lips with hers, cupping her cheek in your hand as you rest your weight on your arm, over her. 

Her fingers find the button of your jeans, pushing them down your body as she fumbles with her own. Your free hand leaves her cheek and pulls down her jeans, giving her the freedom to kick them off into the floorboard. 

Your eyes catch her tattoo, your fingers running over the darkened skin. “Do you ever regret it?” you ask.

“At one point I did, a little, but only because it hurt so bad to think that it was all I had left of you.” she pauses. “But now, I couldn’t imagine it not being there.” she says, pulling you back down towards her. 

Your hand slides down between the two of you and over the top of her lacy panties, feeling the warmth settling between her legs. Your fingers hook into the blue fabric, pulling them to the side as you let your fingers slide through her center. A satisfied hum leaves her lips, as you let your fingers dance delicately over her clit. 

It's evident to you just how many days you’d gone without being intimate in some way, when you feel your dick start to pulse between the two of you. Your fingers slide up her stomach and to her tits, scooping your fingers into the cups of her bra, pulling the fabric down enough to let them both spill over. You lower yourself to your elbows as you let your lips connect to one of her nipples, basking in the taste of her skin. You feel her hand reach between the two of you, wrapping around your length, stroking it a few times to let you know she is ready. 

You push up onto your knees, inching your way forward to align yourself with her opening. Pulling her panties to the side, you press forward into her, inhaling deeply until you feel yourself fully seated inside of her. You rest on the palms of your hands, feeling her hands wrapped around your back. 

You let her adjust to you, her eyes never breaking contact with yours as you feel her start to squirm underneath you. You begin to slowly roll your hips into her, making sure to hit that special place deep inside of her with every fluid movement. Breathy moans fill the car, and the windows begin to fog, the heat radiating from your bodies, causing both of you to sweat. You wrap her leg around your waist as you quicken your pace, watching her tits bounce with each thrust. You knew you could never live without her. Never live without this. You didn’t want to, and neither did she. 

Your name fell from her lips as she came the first time, tight and perfect around you. You continued to work her, greedy for another orgasm by your own doing, watching her writhe around you as you snapped your hips into her time and time again. 

As you looked down at her, you were transported back to that day in the backseat, this same look on her face. Happy, satisfied, full of love. You’d never grow tired of seeing her this way. The way only you could make her feel. 

“Can you do it baby? Can you give me one more?” you ask, pressing further into her. 

“I think so. Just don’t stop. Please don’t stop…” she begs.

“I’m not going to stop. I’ll never stop. Never stop giving you what you want.” you pant, snapping your hips into her furiously.

“Jake…” she says, her eyes clamping shut. You know she’s close, you can feel her walls fluttering around you, causing you to twitch inside of her. 

“I feel you, baby. I fuckin’ feel you pulling me in. Want me to fill you up, baby? Fill you up just like you like?” you ask, knowing you’re both seconds away.

Her leg wraps around you pulling you in tighter, “Please. All of it. I want all of it.” she whines. Her lips connect to your ear, biting down gently on your earlobe as you feel her release wash over you. A moan leaves her mouth as she shakes with pleasure. 

“Yeah, that's it… Just like that…” you hiss, feeling her tighten around you.

With a strangled moan you fuck into her one last time, painting her insides with the evidence of your release, her name falling from your lips as you come down from your high. She pulls you on top of her, forcing you to rest your full body weight on her as you feel yourself beginning to soften inside of her. The two of you lay there for a minute, hearing the rain finally begin to let up as you catch your breath.

“I swear, with everything I have, that I will love you forever Jacob Kiszka.” she says, pressing a kiss to your lips. 

And just like that a new memory became your favorite. 

After redressing and making your way back to the front of the car, the two of you sat for a while longer, talking about your plans to return for Christmas, and even a brief mention of her birthday. You smiled to yourself as she talked about it. You couldn’t wait to give her the gift you bought her. 

The sky had grown dark, and you both had to pee, so as you began to back out of the tree covered hiding spot, you spun in your seat, suddenly feeling your phone buzz in your pocket. You pulled it out and handed it to Y/N, letting her read the message aloud to you as you drove the two of you home. 

Josh

7:24pm: I know you two snuck off. Dinner is almost ready and mom is looking for you.

You both laughed, knowing you definitely should have told someone where you were going. But you were pretty sure he already knew exactly where you were, and exactly what you were doing.

“Just text him back that we’re on the way. He isn’t dumb.” You laughed as she typed the words, and handed your phone back to you. 

You held your phone so that you could watch both the road and the screen, while also keeping it shielded from her. You opened the band group text. 

You

7:28pm: 911 

Almost immediately, Josh responded. 

Josh

7:28pm: Here?? 

You

7:29pm: Looks that way. Keep an eye out & make sure dad locks the doors tonight. 

You slipped your phone under your leg, and took her hand in yours as you drove.  You refocused on the road and getting back to the safety of your house as soon as possible. 

—

HER POV

Everyone gathered around the table one last time for a meal together, everyone reassuring the parents that you would be back next month to celebrate Christmas together. Danny and his family had joined, as well as your parents, too. One big happy family. 

You felt content, much better than you did earlier in the day. Jake had a way of bringing you back down to earth every time you flew too high, and though you had built up so many walls around yourself, he continued to vigilantly break them down, piece by piece. You knew in your heart he would never stop. And you’d never let him. 

He met your gaze across the table over the candlelight as he lifted his glass of wine to his lips, his dark eyes glittering in the ambient glow. His little peach fuzz of a mustache was prominent in the dim light; he hadn’t been bothered to keep up his clean shaven face while you’d been here. And you had to admit, it suited him. 

He looked grown for some reason, tonight. He had on his casual suit jacket that fit him just right. He seemed to stand a little taller, sit with a little more poise. You saw him so often that sometimes you forgot to look at him. And right now you were looking. He looked mature, so sure of himself. Like a man. And you were undeniably and deeply in love with him. He sent you a wink over his glass, licking his lips as he did so. What a flirt. 

Sam, on the other hand, hadn’t spoken much to you all day. You thought back, and he actually hadn’t spoken much to you since you fell asleep on the floor last night. You knew your conversation had been touchy…reminiscing on the time you spent together wasn’t something you’d brought back into general conversation yet. You didn’t feel strange about it, though. You wondered if you had overstepped any boundaries. 

After a delicious dessert and a few more bottles of wine, everyone decided to go to bed early, as your flight was leaving at 7am. You gave your parents a long genuine hug, not wanting to let them go as they put on their coats to leave. 

“I love you guys. Hopefully we will be here for longer during Christmas, and we can have a few days together. Just us three.” You smiled at them, knowing that some time in your true home might do you some good. They were overjoyed at the idea. 

“We love you, sweetheart. And we’re so proud of you. And happy for you and Jake…it’s been so wonderful seeing all of you together again.” You mom gushed as your dad kissed the top of your head. 

“Don’t forget to text me when you land back at home, okay?” Your dad said. “I mean it, young lady.” 

You laughed. “I promise, dad. I love you guys too. Drive safe.” With waves and kisses blown, you closed the door behind them. 

You laid down in bed with Jake a while later, feeling sleepy enough to pass right out. You let yourself relax into his comfortable, worn-in mattress that you had come to love so much. 

You turned on your side to face him, laying with his hands over his head, “Goodnight, baby. I love you so much. I had lots of fun this weekend.” You said as you kissed him right on the lips, not lingering too long, so as not to let it turn into something neither of you could stop. 

“Night, darlin’. I love you too. Can’t wait to get back to my bed though, so we don’t have to sneak around anymore…Make lots of noise…Gonna love you so good and so hard when we get back home…” he mumbled, falling asleep as his words trailed away. 

Back home. 

———

JAKE POV

It was just after 11:00 am when you pulled into the driveway of your house. The warmth of Nashville greeting you promptly as you sloughed your coats into the back seat. As much as you both loved going home to Michigan, you had grown to love Tennessee too. It was your new home, and after traveling the world time and time again, you truly couldn’t picture yourself anywhere else. 

It didn’t take much convincing to get her to come back home with you for the night, but truthfully she had spent most nights with you since Chicago. Neither of you really wanting to be apart from each other longer than you had to. The nights you were apart, were spent making plans for the following day. 

You opened the trunk of your car, pulling out both suitcases, and rolling them up to the front door. It had been a long day, waking at 5:00am to make it to the airport, then the long anxiety filled flight home for her… The both of you were ready for a nap, and that was just what you intended to do after things were settled. 

You unlocked your front door, as she joined you on the porch. You let the door swing open, and quickly typed in the code for the security system, as she shuffled in behind you with the suitcases. You took them from her, rolling them into your bedroom, as she followed behind and flopped down onto the fluffy bedding. 

“Glad to be home?” you ask, from your spot on the floor. You unzip the metal suitcase, and begin to pull your items from inside. 

“Happy to be vertical.” she laughs. 

“I know baby, let me get these bags unpacked real quick, and then we can take a nap, yeah?” you offer. 

“Okay…” she groans, flipping to her stomach to watch you over the edge of the bed. 

You begin to sort your clothes into piles of clean and dirty, putting away the clean items as you came across them. You grabbed your toiletries and made your way to the bathroom, putting each item where it belonged before stowing your bag away for another few weeks. 

When you returned to the room, she was scrolling through her phone as she twirled her finger through the ends of her hair. You smiled to yourself at the sight of her lounging so comfortably in your bed. 

You unzipped her suitcase and were met with far more color than you were used to seeing when you opened up a suitcase. Unpacking the clothing, you threw the items you knew were dirty into the pile with yours, and folded the clean items on the floor next to you. When everything was sorted you pulled the clean items into your arms, and made your way to your dresser, stashing them in a newly empty drawer. You wondered if she would notice, completely enthralled with her phone at the moment. 

You grabbed the pile of dirty clothes and walked down the hall before depositing them into the washing machine, and starting the load. As you walked back into your bedroom you glanced to see if she was watching you at all, and she wasn’t. Completely zoned in on her phone. You bent over, scooping up her myriad of bathroom products and placed them in the bathroom next to yours. 

As you placed each bottle and container, you felt your chest grow warm at the shared counter space. You didn’t want it any other way. Neither of you had talked about it, but consider this your test run. You smiled to yourself as you dropped her toothbrush into the cup with yours and made your way back to the bedroom. You rolled the two suitcases into the hallway, locked your front door, and turned off the lights before returning to the bedroom.

You pulled the curtains shut, effectively darkening the room and causing you to yawn. You tugged your shirt over your head, and kicked your jeans off, before pulling back the duvet. She jumped up out of the bed, walking to the center of the room, looking around for her suitcase. 

“Wait, where did mine go?” she asks.

“Oh, I just unpacked it. Did you miss all that?” you laugh. 

“I guess so, I was just catching up on work emails to see what I missed while we were gone.” she says. “Wait, so where did you put it all?” she asks.

You slide into the cold sheets, resting on your elbows as you point to the old antique dresser in the corner of the room. “Third one down.”

Her face blushes a shade of pink as she makes her way over to the dresser, pulling the drawer open slowly and looking inside. 

“This isn’t all of it?” she says, holding up a few items. 

You laugh through a smile, “I know. The other stuff is in the washer. I’ll switch it over to the dyer when we wake up.”

“You’re washing my clothes? How– how did you know what was clean or dirty?” she asks.

“I don’t know, intuition I guess. Tried to remember if I saw you wear it or not.” you answer. “I probably should have asked, I just thought…”  

“No, no, it’s fine…thank you babe…I just…don’t know how I missed all of that. I was really out of it I guess. I didn’t even see you clear out this drawer. I feel bad. Where did you put all of your stuff? I can just keep my stuff in my suitcase until I go home... You didn’t have to do all of this…” she stammers on. 

“Hey…” you say, connecting with her eyes. “I cleaned out that drawer weeks ago…you just never left anything for me to put in it. I don’t want you to live out of your suitcase when you’re here, or even a bag for that matter. I want your things to go in there. To live there. I want to see your perfume on my bathroom counter as I rush out the door. I want to see your toothbrush sitting next to mine when I grab for it in the morning. I want to search the house for your missing sock that somehow didn’t make it into the dryer. I want my sheets to smell like you because you steal them in the middle of the night. I want to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at midnight in front of the fireplace because I know they are your favorite. I want you here if you want to be here. Because to me, it doesn’t feel like home when you’re not here...” you trail off. 

She pulled a t-shirt from the drawer, and pushed it shut slowly before returning to stand at the edge of the bed. You could see the wheels spinning in her head, as she shed her clothes, and pulled the t-shirt over her head. 

“I’m not asking for all the time. I’m just asking for sometimes. Just a few things here to make your life easier. I know you need your own space and so do I. I just… like seeing your things around, is all.” you offer.

She pulls back the sheets and climbs in next to you, instantly sliding into your arms. She snakes her arm around your stomach, and hitches her leg over yours, letting out a deep sigh against your chest. 

“Okay…” she breathes, almost a whisper. 

“Okay?” you repeat.

“Just a few things.” she says, and you can feel her smile on your chest. 

You kiss her head, and squeeze her tight, a silent thank you. Your heart swells in your chest at the thought of her things mixed with your things, and you wonder to yourself when those things would make the switch to ‘our’ things.

Her phone buzzing on the nightstand has both of you turning to look at it. She rolls off of your chest and grabs her phone, sitting up as she reads the message with a furrowed brow.

“All good?” you ask, noticing her hesitancy. 

“I don’t know…It’s a message from an unknown number.” she says, showing you the screen. 

You blink a few times to adjust to the brightness of her screen, as you read the message. 

Unknown

11:43 am: A Michigan girl at heart, but Tennessee seems to suit you. And what a lovely home…

You feel your breath catch in your throat as you read. “Do you know who that is? One of your friends get a new number, maybe?” you ask, swallowing nervously. 

“No. I don’t think so. What does that even mean? A lovely home?” she asks, confused by the intent of the message. 

“You know what, it’s probably one of our fans who did some weird shit and found your number. Wouldn’t be the first time this has happened to one of us. Just block the number, love.” you say, trying to remain calm. 

You roll over to your nightstand, grabbing your phone and setting your security system. You hit Arm, and rolled over back to her, watching her block the number as the security system beeped in the distance. Thankfully she seemed to be significantly less concerned about this text than you were, so you stayed cool and let your fingers rub her back as she cuddled back into your side. 

You stared at the ceiling watching the fan spin around in circles as you listened to her fall asleep on your chest. From the outside all was well, but inside your head, every warning bell and whistle was going off on full blast. Things had just progressed to the next level. Contact had been made. You knew it wasn’t just a friend with a new number, and you knew it wasn’t a crazed fan. 

It was Andy. 

And from the sound of it, he knew exactly where she was.

.

.

.

.

.

.

. 

Chapter 16

Taglist:

@gretavansara@jordie-gvf-admin@starshine-wagner @eyelinerjake@gretavanfvckface@gretavanmoon@misshunnybeebee@fretaganvleet@gvfpal@joshkiszkas@ascendingtostardust@raviolilegs@sammysprincess@gvfpal@objectsinspvce@lallisonl@gvfpal@raviolilegs@jaketlover@ascendingtostardust @indigostreakmorgan@jakemarrymeibeg@fakeplastiqtree@radmads-gvf @fwzco @katelynn-gvf @writingcold @jakesgrapejuice @jakekiszkasbabymama @emsfallingsky @gretavanbear @ejoygvf @beebloopbleep @mackalah @weneedsomehealing123 @reesetrippingthelight @lightmylove-gvf @wetkleenex-gvf@fulltimecynical@ageofbajabule@ageofsinners@indigostreakslut @profitofthedune @katelynn-gvf @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @joshskittytickler21 @mp0801@starcatcherry @samsbirks @darianh07 @cassiesgreta

[breadcheekstete]

Nothing can quite compare to the feeling of arriving home after a long week of nonstop work. Taehyung kicks his shoes off as he sighs in relief. He missed his house, his bed, but most importantly, he missed his boyfriend.

Said boyfriend who is currently laying on the couch, watching TV and drinking what seems to be his third beer. In his defense, he got injured a few weeks ago and he already has a month or two to go, so he relied on stress drinking. He can’t work out and it shows on his rounding body.

“And here we are again for my favourite game, ‘is that a t-shirt or a crop top?’ promoted by your one and only; Park. Ji. Min,” Taehyung announces as he walks in the living room.

Jimin looks up from the TV and pulls a face at him. “Haha, very funny, Taehyung.”

“I know, I’m hilarious.”

Jimin gulps the last of the beer and burps under his breath. “For your information, this is a t-shirt I cropped myself when we started dating.”

“You know what wasn’t here when we started dating? That beer belly.”

“Can’t you leave my tummy alone?”

“What tummy? That round gut?” Taehyung bends to poke it and it doesn’t give in to his touch from how bloated it is. “Hm… I feel like someone is gonna be a gas machine tonight.”

Jimin groans, cradling his midsection protectively while he gestures at his sprained ankle with his head. “If I could go to the gym, this wouldn’t have happened in the first place. You already know how easily I gain weight.”

“I know, baby. I’m sorry.” Jimin sits straight up and Taehyung sits right beside him. His once sculpted body rounds out in a thin layer of fat and over-bloat, all from his stress drinking, and he pitifully stifles a burp. “Want some dinner?”

“I refuse to let you cook again,” Jimin says, trying to stand up. “I’ll do it.”

Taehyung takes his hand before Jimin can hop his way to the kitchen and hugs him by his waist. He leaves a heartfelt kiss over his navel and looks up at him with puppy eyes. “What is it?”

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Come on, Taehyung. I look like a settled dad.”

“I love you no matter your body type, Jimin,” he assures. “I love you and our beer baby.” That makes both of them laugh.

“You are such an idiot.” Jimin carefully bends to leave a kiss on Taehyung’s crown and as soon as he pulls back, he pushes Taehyun by his shoulders and climbs on top of him.

“Well, hello,” Taehyung says nervously.

Jimin covers his mouth and belches before he steals Taehyung’s lips in a filthy kiss. Taehyung can’t even focus when his boyfriend’s belly keeps pushing against him, so warm and tout and gurgly.

His hand curiously dives lower, caressing the pouch and squeezing it. It makes Jimin blush further as a string of burps interrupts their make out. “Ugh –bWOOooUurP Taehyungie, this is so embarrassing,” he laments, covering his mouth once again.

“I missed you so much, Jiminnie,” Taehyung says out of the blue, ‘cause he means it. He’s been so busy with work now that Jimin is injured, that they haven’t spent some quality time together for a long while. “So so much.”

Jimin smiles at him, kissing every inch of his face before diving into his mouth once again. He notices Taehyung’s growing boner and redirects his attention to undoing his belt when a late night delivery calls at their apartment. 

They stop abruptly, wondering who the fuck they are about to blame for interrupting their little moment. Jimin groans, hiding in Taehyung’s neck. “I’ll go see who’s it,” Taehyung says, patting his hips.

Jimin faintly hears the conversation with the delivery guy. But once Taehyung is back, he groans again when he sees Taehyung reading the back of a little box. “Fuck. I forgot I promised Hoseok hyung that I would beta test his pills.”

“I don’t think you should ingest any pill or such with your current intake of alcohol,” Taehyung points out. “Perhaps, you already have enough with your poor ankle.”

“What should I do then?”

There’s a moment of silence where none of them know what to say, when an idea sparks in Taehyung’s head. “I could test them for you.”

“What?”

“Come on, I can work from home for the time being.”

“Are you sure?”

Taehyung reads the effects again, just daydreaming about those four weeks he’s gonna be able to spend fully with his lover. “Absolutely.”

AO3 Link for more (4.1k words)

mpreg / chub k¡nk / feeding / burping / gas /smut / breastfeeding

[multiversed-daydreamer]

Pet: Chapter 4 - The First Day

WC: ~4k

Summary: Joel and Tess finally clue you in on their plans and you three have a discussion about how this will all work. You disagree with most of it.

Tags: MDNI, Obsessive behavior, Possessive behavior, Hostage, Joel and Tess keep Reader against her will, Reader is disabled. This one is where it gets a little sketchy. Reader doesn't like being touched, Hints that reader has PTSD if you squint.

A/N: Thank you so much for those of you who have stuck with me from the beginning and welcome new readers to the ride! I hope you guys like it! Please let me know what you guys think and if I missed any warning tags, let me know so I can add them in! Check out my Masterlist for more!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When you wake, it’s slow and a little sluggish. Your head feels foggier than usual and you’re warm and cozy against a dark green couch. You frown, why are you on a couch? You look around and immediately regret it because your vision spins for a moment. Ugh, what the fuck? But you do remember where you are now. You’d stayed over at Tess’ because you’d been too busy doing shots instead of paying attention to curfew. Fucking idiot.

You debate on sneaking out before they wake up just to avoid the utter embarrassment of facing the scariest people in the goddamn QZ hungover. Fuck, Nick was right, Tess was not supposed to be someone you got close to. You should’ve said no, should’ve bailed again. 

A creak of the bed behind the wall alerts you to someone getting up, a moment later you hear the bathroom door close. You sit up with a quiet grunt. It’s not that bad, you’re not gonna puke or anything, just a little spinny. You slowly get your bearings, your shoes are under the coffee table, and your jacket is hanging on the back of the chair you’d sat at last night. You sigh, leaning down and snagging a shoe, pulling one on and then the other. There’s something a little too intimate about walking around Tess’ apartment in your socks. You stand as the toilet flushes as you cross the floor to put on your jacket. A sink turns on and as you zip up your jacket, it turns off, a few seconds later Tess emerges, flicking droplets of water off of her fingers. 

You give her a tight smile, nodding to her. She smirks a little at the sight of you already in your shoes and hoodie. “Planning on leaving early? Told you I’d walk you home.” 

You shrug. “I was planning on waiting for you. It would’ve been rude to just up and leave.” Tess eyes you for a moment. 

“Would you like some eggs first?” She asks tentatively. You frown, you don’t really want to stay much longer, and you don’t know what time it is. 

“What time is it? I’d like to be home around nine. Nine thirty by the latest.” You respond. 

“It was about seven when I got up. Let me get you some food, and maybe some water. How’s your head?” She smirks a little, likely knowing you had drank a little past your limit last night. You smile a little easier at her teasing. 

“A little slow… and a little spinny.” You admit. She chuckles quietly and moves further into the kitchen. 

“Water and some eggs will help settle you.” She points to the bathroom. “Go ahead and freshen up.”  You nod and mutter a soft thanks. You really had to pee. You slip into the bathroom, using the toilet, and flushing before washing your hands. You glance into the mirror and glare at how wild your hair is from sleep. You take out your ponytail and comb shaking hands through your hair. It’s not the best method, but it felt weird to dig around for Tess’ hairbrush. So you did your best to tame your hair with your fingers before putting it in a messy bun. You’ll fix it at home, it’s presentable for now. You sigh, bracing yourself for breakfast with Joel and Tess. 

You open the door and intentionally avoid the bed where Joel is still sleeping. You step over to the table, finding a glass of water waiting. Tess was at the stove with a spatula in hand, the smell of eggs and toast wafting over from her. It smells good. “Thank you for breakfast.” 

Tess smiles over at you. “Of course.” She dishes the food and butters some toast, before bringing the plate to the table. Right on cue, you hear a creak of the bed and a soft grunt as Joel gets to his feet and shuffles to the table, sitting down next to you.  Tess sets a plate in front of you and a plate in front of Joel before going back to the stove grabbing a plate for herself, and sitting on your other side, which surprises you. You had expected her to sit across from you to be next to Joel. 

You take a bite of toast and sip some water. You wonder where they found butter but you don’t ask. Joel’s presence unsettles you and you’re a little relieved that the meal passes in silence. The food helps your stomach and your head and you’re grateful . Joel finishes first, sitting back and eyeing your jacket. 

“Look at you. Already ready for the day.” Joel hums. 

You look down and shrug. “Yeah, I have a shift at eleven.” 

“What shift?” He asks, and again, his curiosity surprises you. 

“Sewer detail.” You grumble, not happy with it but it’s one of the best-paying jobs available. You finish your own breakfast and sit back. Your eyes flicker to Joel who grimaces in sympathy.

 “Oh, that’s rough.” 

You nod in agreement. “But the pay is great.” You point out. 

Tess is stabbing some egg onto her fork as she speaks up. “Is Nick joining you today?” The way she phrases it makes your hackles rise immediately. Did Joel tell her about the argument the two of you had a few days ago? 

He tenses at her question, eyeing Tess for a moment with a disapproving look before turning to you with a raised eyebrow. “Is he?” 

It’s only right now that you notice Joel has big brown eyes and full lips. He’s… handsome you realize kind of secondhandedly and you suddenly notice just how good-looking a couple Joel and Tess make together. You look down, a bit surprised by your thought process for a moment. “Uh… Yes, he’s meeting me there.” 

“Thought I told you to stay away from him.” His voice is low and level, and he’s watching you with an intensity that freaks you out.

You shrug, “I mean… we’re bound to overlap on shifts sometimes.”

Joel raises a pointed eyebrow at you. “And what about your days off?” 

Your jaw clenches. Motherfucker. Tess told him. You’re not surprised, and not even shocked. You tell Nick everything. Of course, Tess is gonna come home and bitch a little about how you bailed on her at the market and got high with a boy. But it’s not like you technically had plans with Tess that day. You two just end up walking together whenever you see each other. It’s never a planned meet-up. You shrug at him but don’t say anything. You stand instead. “I think it’s time I got home.” You scoot your chair in and turn to the front door. Tess and Joel don’t move from their spots and part of you is glad. You’re pretty sure if Tess insisted upon walking you home it would’ve ended in an argument. You’re not one for fights typically but everybody had their limit and you were at yours with their bullshit about Nick. You really need to apologize to him for not taking his worries as seriously as you should’ve. 

You make it to the door and unlock the deadbolt, twisting the handle to open it. It doesn’t budge though. You’re eyebrows furrow and you assess the door. The deadbolt is unlocked there’s not a little lock on the doorknob. When you look up you do realize that there's another lock about a foot above the other deadbolt. It looks like it belongs on the outside of the door, not the inside. It requires a key to unlock it and when you peek into the little crack between the door and the doorjamb you can see a second bolt glinting ever so slightly in the sun. You turn back to them. They’re just watching you silently, waiting for you to realize that you couldn’t leave without their help. You meet Tess’ eyes and raise an eyebrow in silent question. In response, she nods towards your chair. “Come sit for a minute.” 

Your jaw clenches and your stomach twists up in a knot. Something is wrong and fear slams into you as you realize you’re stuck here. “Why?” You stay by the front door, unwilling to move any closer to them. 

“Because she asked you too,” Joel said back, his voice a warning. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Nope… this is gonna end terribly. You walk over to the chair and grip the back of it with your hands, sitting feels far too vulnerable right now. 

“What?” You ask lowly, staring at the table, not meeting their eyes. 

~

Tess frowns at you. She’s not too pleased with your behavior, but you’re not outwardly defying them so that’s something. You’re starting to get scared, they could tell by how tense you are that you’re freaking out a little. “We want you to stay here for a while,” she says gently, preparing for the immediate backlash you might go for. 

Your brows furrow with confusion. “I have to get ready for work.” Next to Tess, Joel’s jaw clenched. 

“Don’t worry about work, we’ll get you excused so you’re not in trouble,” Joel assures. Not that FEDRA would ever get to you now, not that anybody would. 

“Why?” You ask again. Tess can tell you’re low on patience, you want to leave, and the thought pisses her off a little. 

“Because we want to keep you.” It probably wasn’t the best way to reveal you to your new life, but you’ve always seemed to enjoy Tess’ honesty.

~

Your eyes snap to hers, and you blink at her, completely speechless for a moment. “I’m sorry... You what?” You can’t believe the words that just came out of Tess’ mouth. ‘You can’t leave.’ you remind yourself. Finally, after months of looking for a red flag with Tess, she gives you one when you’re trapped in her fucking apartment. 

“You shouldn’t be working with your condition anyway. You’re gonna end up hurting yourself.”  Joel points out. Fury and embarrassment warp through you at his words. Condition? Just because you were disabled doesn’t mean you can’t work. You meet Joel's eyes with a fiery glare. 

“I am perfectly capable, thank you very much.” You snap at him. You expect him to respond in anger, instead, he smiles. 

“I know you’re capable, I’ve seen it. But they should minimize your hours at the very least. Burnout is still a thing, and you give off the impression that you’ll go until you literally can’t anymore.” Joel responds, once more giving you wide-eyed pointed look. “We’re trying to help.” 

“No offense, but that’s none of your business, Miller. I am an adult, I’ll figure it out for myself.” 

Joel sighs, shaking his head and standing up. You step back, making sure to stay well out of arms reach of him. Joel looks to you in surprise for a moment, pausing the same way Tess had last night, before turning and heading back towards his and Tess’ bedroom area. Your eyes flicked to Tess, who nodded toward the empty chair. “Please sit down.” 

You sigh and take a seat, pulling your chair back from the table to keep your distance from them. Joel rummaged around in his dresser for something. Tess leans her forearms on the table, bringing your attention back to her. “Joel saw you first when you first came to burning shift. Said he was surprised FEDRA would ever let you sign up for it.” Joel was now on his way back to the table, hiding whatever he got up to get behind his back so you couldn’t see it. He ends up sitting back down next to you. 

“Shouldn’t have been working in burning shift. Ever.” Joel pipes up. 

“It pays good! And it’s not like there’s a whole lot of options, I was just trying to grab what was available.” You defend. 

“I saw you a few weeks later at the market.” Tess continues as if you and Joel's continual argument about work didn’t exist. “Joel told me how you showed up on burning shift. I was surprised. After having a discussion we decided we wanted you.” You open your mouth to protest but Tess continues, “You won’t need to work anymore, you’ll be completely taken care of. You’ll stay here with us, for now, you will not leave this apartment and one of us will be here with you at all times. Once you get settled, we’ll start taking you back out again.”

You shake your head… what the actual fuck was she talking about? Her words make your panic flair. ‘You’ll’ not ‘you’d,’ they’ve made this decision without you’re input and you want to think you’re smart enough to change their minds about it. “No thank you.” That is all you can come up with. “I’d rather do the work myself and figure it out myself. I have no interest in relying on anybody.” 

~

Tess smirks at your words, ‘Well… aren’t you a prideful one.” She can’t help but taunt you just a little bit. You’re cute when you’re trying to figure out how to outsmart them. “Let me know when you successfully figure out how to leave.” She sits back in her chair, feeling more than a little smug. She gestures to Joel, who had grabbed the collar and a small padlock to put on it so you couldn’t take it off. 

Tess wiggles her fingers at you. “Give me your hands.” You sit back, eyes flicking between the two of them. Tess gestures again. “Come on now, it’ll just be for a moment.” She’s thanking you mentally for putting your hair up in the bathroom, it won’t be in the way when Joel gets the collar on. You shift but don’t move, already testing Tess’ patience. Joel stands and you startle a bit. Tess leans forward and grabs your hands gently, soothing you softly. “You’re safe here. We’re not gonna hurt you.”

~

You jerk against Tess, trying to pull out of her grip. Her fingers tighten around your hands and you try to stand up again, feeling Joel step up behind you. A large hand lands on your shoulder, keeping you in your chair. “Relax. Nothin’s gonna hurt, I promise.” Joel murmurs quietly.

“What are you doing?” You don’t even bother to hide your panic as you try to escape them. They’re too close, they’re touching you, and you want to scream. “Stop touching me.” 

Tess shushes you, shifting to kneel down in front of you, her hands moving up to grip your forearms. “You’re okay. We’ll let go in just a minute. Count to thirty for me.” Tess coaxes you gently into some deep breaths and into counting with her.

~

 Joel’s thumb rubs your shoulder gently, waiting until you are counting with Tess before moving his hand to wrap the collar around your neck. He’s as quick and gentle as he can be, looping the end of it through the buckle and tightening it to the correct size. 

~

As soon as you feel the leather tighten around your throat you yelp and move your hands upward to fight Joel. Fuck counting. Tess keeps your arms in place, she leans forward to put some weight onto your thighs, keeping you pinned in the chair as Joel quickly fastens the collar and hooks the tiny padlock into it, and snaps it shut. 

“Easy. Easy, I’m done.” Joel tugs lightly at the padlock and dips two fingers under the collar, making sure it isn’t too tight. Once satisfied with his work, Joel steps back. “I’m done. I’m done.” 

Tess squeezes your arms before pulling back with a soft smile. You immediately reach up to claw at the collar. “What the fuck.” 

“Easy,” Joel says again, taking his seat and gently prying your fingers from your throat. “It’s just a reminder. You’ll be fine with it on. You won’t even notice it after a few hours.”

You scoff, glaring at him. “Reminder? No. No, take it off.” You’re losing, you realize. They’re not listening to you. You swallow, focusing yourself on your goal. Escape. “I don’t want this. I want to go home now.” 

~

Tess has to admire your stubbornness and your focus on trying to talk them down from this. “You are home, pet.” She replies. Joel’s eyes darken at her words, and his hands twitch around yours. 

“Welcome home, pet. We’ve been preparing for you for months.” Joel squeezes your hands. 

~

You shake your head “I don’t want this. I don’t want to do this. I’m sorry, but I’m not interested in whatever this is.” You try to pull away from him but he keeps his grip, fingers strong around yours. 

“You’re not leaving. I think you’ve figured that out already. We already told you, we are keeping you. You’re not going to change our minds.” Joel’s voice cut through your head like a knife. You yank away from him, standing up and pacing to the living room and back again. 

~

Joel stands to intercept you but Tess stops him. “She can’t go anywhere. Give her a minute to process.” Joel looks back over to you, but your back is to him, you’re looking out the window. So he sits back down and looks at Tess who shrugs. 

~

You glare at the window. They’re by the wall of the QZ, which makes sense for smugglers you suppose. There are no people outside this close to the edge and their place is too high up to survive jumping. You frown. What the fuck were you gonna do? You turn back to them, you don’t go back to the table, but you do lean against the white shelf on the wall giving them your attention. 

“We have one basic rule for you right now.” Tess addresses you. “Just do as you’re told. That’s it.”

Joel glares at you. “Something you haven’t done yet.” 

You glare back. “I’m my own person, just because you’ve offered advice to me doesn’t mean I have to take it.” 

“It wasn’t advice, I told you to stay away from that kid and you didn’t listen.” Joel growls, clearly pissed you still hang out with Nick.

“Yes.” You nod, “Because why the fuck would I listen to you?” Knowing their plan now, at least now you understand why they hate Nick so much. Tess has been planning on taking you for months now, and yesterday you openly admitted you had a thing for Nick. No wonder she responded weirdly. 

“Because,” Tess cuts in smoothly, “you are not you’re own person. You are ours, and if you disobey us, we’ll punish you.” 

You pause at that threat, it stops you in your tracks. No. This isn’t a situation you were ever supposed to be in. The whole reason you pushed your group to go to a Quarantine Zone in the first place was to avoid raiders and slavers. You were supposed to be safe here from this exact situation. Fuck, you really owed Nick the nicest home-cooked meal you can make, and a huge ass apology. “What happened to ‘we’re not gonna hurt you?’”

Tess sits back and eyes you with a sharp look. “We have no interest in hurting you. But what is the first thing you start with when bringing home a new pet?” She asks you. 

You glare, jaw clenched so tight that in any other circumstance, you’d be worried you’d chip a tooth, but you’re too freaked out and angry and scared to care right now. 

“People train pets so they know how their owners want them to behave.” Joel interferes when you refuse to answer Tess. You stare at the ground, letting his words sink in. “We won’t hurt you, but we will discipline you so you learn what to do and what not to do. Just like any other pet.” You nod in acknowledgment and glare at the lock on the door that keeps you from your freedom. They have to go out at some point. It’s only a matter of time before you at least figure out where the key is… likely on one of them. 

You watch Joel stand up, he looks at you before once more heading back towards the bedroom area. He disappears behind the wall for a moment before coming back with a giant pink pet bed in his arms. He places it next to the shelf with the radio on it, right underneath a ring thats been drilled into the wall. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that they’ll probably leash you there at some point. It makes your body tense and you edge away from Joel. 

He turns and spots you backing away from him. He holds his hands up in surrender and steps away from the bed. “We found this for you. We figured you might like it.” 

You eye the bed and then Joel. “Are you expecting me to sleep there at night?” The bed seemed comfortable to sit on, like a beanbag chair, but you’d definitely fuck your back up if you had to sleep on it. 

Joel looks at you and shakes his head. “No. No. Probably wouldn't be too comfy for an entire night. It’s just a spot for you during the day.” He points to the bookshelf. “We got some books you can read, stuff like that. Just a little place that’s yours while we’re busy with stuff.”

You nod but don’t point out that you already have an entire apartment that’s yours that you can go to while they're busy with stuff. Instead, you eye the couch. That won’t be too comfortable in the long run either. 

“You’ll sleep in bed with us at night.” Tess pipes up from behind you. You whip around to look at her. 

“What?” Sleep in bed with them? Next to them? You can’t do that. 

Tess gets up from the table and walks over to you. You flatten yourself against the wall and she steps in just a hair too close, slowly reaching a hand up to brush her fingertips against your cheek. You pull back but she follows you, keeping the contact. You look towards the window again, and you’re glad she doesn’t force you to look at her. You’re pretty sure if you meet her eyes while she’s this close, you’ll burst into tears. 

Joel closes in as well, his hand reaching for the top of your head, gently massaging your scalp with his fingertip, much like one would pet a dog. You swallow against the rising emotions as they gently touch you. “With us,” Tess says, confirming what you’d already heard. “You’ll sleep with us, and we’ll keep you safe and warm.” 

You swallow again, blinking rapidly as tears well up in your eyes. There are so many emotions running through you right now and you don’t think you could name a single one. A tear slips free and slides down your cheek only for Tess to swipe it away. If you were so safe with them, why does your heart feel like it’s shattering into a million pieces?

They stay close, murmuring softly to you as you try to come to grips with this new reality. You won’t get out today, or likely the next few days. They’re on high alert and still trying to set some kind of routine. Your best shot is to play along until an opportunity arises. So you nod, accepting Tess’ words for now. 

You still don’t look at them but Tess leans forward to press a kiss to your temple and Joel presses his forehead against the hand he has on your head. “Welcome home, pet.” He whispers softly. Crowded between them against the wall, another tear falls.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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A\N: Thanks for reading, I hope you all enjoyed it! Let me know what you guys think!

[trashexplorer]

BLCD Review: Zanzou Slow Motion

Title: Zanzou Slow Motion (残像スローモーション)

Author/Artist: Janome

Shop: CD + Manga

Release Date: 2021/05/28

Cast:

Furukawa Makoto x Nakazawa Masatomo

Eguchi Takuya

Satou Gen

Tadokoro Hinata

Yasuaki Takumi

Matsuoka Yoshitsugu

Ichikawa Aoi

Yanagi Kouhei

Karino Sho

Synopsis:

What happens when two rival directors who hate each other's guts are forced to share one roof? And what if one of them has a secret he's been harboring for years? Throw in a shared love of movies, BL manga, and an accidental kiss, and you've got the next heart-pumping love story in Midorigaoka High and the sequel to Twilight Out of Focus 1. Jin Kikuchihara, third-year director, main actor, and president of the film club, and second-year director Giichi Ichikawa see eye-to-eye on very little. Jin is flashy, flirty, and focused on keeping everyone happy, while Giichi expects the best from himself and others, and will compromise nothing to see his vision through. Constantly at each other's necks, the two can hardly stand to be in the same club. But what will happen when family trouble forces them to live in the same room? Will their shared interests bring them closer as friends, push them further apart as rivals, or something else entirely?

Review Proper

I love Tasogare Outfocus, but this is actually my favorite Janome.

The second installment curse strikes again!

UGHHHHHHH THIS WAS SO WHOLESOME. Don't get me wrong, Tasogare Outfocus is written pretty decently, but I really don't like how Janome just glossed over Hisashi's SA and grooming like that. It reminds me a lot of Etude vol. 1. I can still get over Etude vol. 1 'cause it's not that uncommon to see in sports and Ichi-san's deal with Futami was given some closure in 2, but given how short Tasogare Outfocus was, Hisashi felt like he just lmao byed his teacher. 😔Doesn't help that it kinda doesn't matter anymore in overlap even though it hasn't been long since it ended. Is my son Hisashi really okay now? 🥹

I'm old, so DK BL doesn't appeal to me that much anymore. It's also hard to find good DK rivalries nowadays that aren't just about fucking or delinquents. Zanzou Slow Motion, however, just checked all the right boxes for the category: simple, no drama, and no loose ends. That coupled with Janome's element of touch?

And can we talk about this monologue?

Ugh.

I will say Jin's suspenders, Ichikawa's snatched waist, and the ABO shout-out greatly influenced my decision too. Y'all should get suspended in high school, not wear suspenders!

Onto the technicalities...

I don't think I've heard these two co-star before (or I just don't remember), so I was a bit skeptical especially 'cause last I heard Makonyan in a DK was in, well... Given as BLCD!Ritsu. And where else did we hear Yuuma star in a DK too? Yuuma as Anime!Ritsu. We just had Given Anime!Ritsu in Tasogare Outfocus being somewhat friends with Ichikawa and now we have BLCD!Ritsu (thanks to ecargmura for catching this!) trying to romance him. They used very different tones for Ritsu, but the vibe was the same overall. THEY'RE THE SAME PERSON. Makonyan and Nakamo also played tops in the last works I heard of them (Makonyan as Takaba in Kurui Naku and Nakamo as Yakumo in Nu:carnival), so I was concerned about a lot of things. Thankfully, however, instead of Makonyan going for his Ritsu tone or his lighter Kimitte Yatsu for a more youthful vibe, he went all shounen in here lmaooo.

His bwakame was so funny it reminded me of this:

I love roasting Makonyan more than any other seiyuu out of fondness, but I'm really proud of how far he's gone. He's gotten so much better in his delivery, and it's obvious in his budding anime career, too.

But...

I didn't expect there would be improvements in his bedding techniques too...

What the fuck was that? HAHAHAHAHAHA. WAIT. No, y'all don't understand. I have most of this man's r-18 otome CDs and BLCDs, and I have never heard him this... this hot before???? Jin is such a smooth flirt, so I had some expectations on the delivery, but FURUKAWA MAKOTO HISSES. HE HISSES!!! SIR IS THIS APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOUR FOR A HIGH SCHOOL BOY??? THEY DON'T EVEN SHOW THEM DO THE DO FOR MORE THAN A MINUTE??? WHERE WAS THE NEED?!

PUTS THE GODDAMN FU IN FURUKAWA MAKOTO ALRIGHT!

First it was Ono Yuuki, now it's Makonyan. Is Nakamo's ass really that good that his tops go all in???

I admittedly don't have a lot to say about Nakamo because that man always slays. I was afraid that Makonyan would overpower him during their Netflix and chill, but as soon as I had that thought, Nakamo pushed back like??? THEM SHAKIRA HIPS DON'T LIE!

HOW DO I LEGALLY MARRY GINGER RECORDS???

I didn't read the scan or the official English release 'cause I actually had the raws, so I can't vouch for the translation. As for faithfulness to the manga, however, I need to stress that there were a lot of rearranged events and cut dialogue. One notable instance was Ichikawa's message for Jin. It was placed after their kiss in the last chapter, so I believe that these changes are quite significant. It is still possible to read the manga while listening to the BLCD, but I suggest reading the manga once first so you're aware of which pages you need to jump to.

Chil-chil Awards 2022 was a scam 'cause this wasn't nominated for ANYTHING! This might actually just be my favorite BLCD of 2021... and Makonyan was my favorite actor in this series so far. OKITSU AND MAKONYAN REALLY SWITCHED IN THIS LOG HAHAHAHA. Makonyan and Nakamo at least won in my heart. 😌 Definitely listen to this if you're a Makonyan fan or if you're a fan of the series in general. It's also perfect if you're looking for something light and sweet but immersive at the same time. Chesk gives this a 9/10! Only the third 9 after Sonna ni and KD!

[poopyballz28]

Can I get a uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh chiba x baki with a side of baki making chiba flustered cause he knows he has an effect on him.......with a large drink pls

Of course, my dear friend. Enjoy!

"Ugh..!" A frustrated groan of pain escaped from Chiharu's mouth as he was knocked directly on his butt by the man in front of him. He could feel every part of his body pulsating, hurting. He was covered in bruises and scratches lining his body up and down, drops of blood illuminating in the moonlight. But he didn't really seem to mind it all that much, being too busy glaring the man in front of him down.

"Hm? Do you concede already?" Baki said, a small awkward smile appearing on his face. God, how Chiharu just hated that stupid little face of his. Oh, how bad he wanted to punch that dumb...adorable smile off of it. It was infuriating. They've already fought 5 times this week, but each time Chiharu just couldn't seem to get the upper hand over him. Not to mention that ridiculous cocky smile he always has to see when it's over. Chiharu sighed, laying his back down on the ground and staring at the sky. It was quite late, stars beautifully shining above the two.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Chiharu says, interrupting the silence, still staring at the night sky.

"Hm?" Baki mutters lightly, clearly looking a little confused.

"You're just gonna stand there instead of finish me off?

Baki couldn't help but sigh, just what the hell does he mean finish him off?

"This fights already over." Baki said, sighing.

"It'll never be. If you don't end it right now. Go ahead."

"Kill me." Chiharu said, a small smirk on his exhausted face.

Before he could process why he'd even say something like that, Baki began walking towards him.

Then suddenly, he was on top of him, his arms outstretched beside Chiharu's head. Then there was that look. That look that always seemed to make Chiharu's head twirl. Those eyes that felt like they were always looking down on him happened to be so strikingly...beautiful. Chiharu felt his cheeks grow warmer the longer their sort of staring contest continued. That was until Baki suddenly broke the silence between them, leaning his head further down, their faces now inches apart.

"Chiharu." Baki said, a small smile painted on his lips. "If there's anyone out there who'd want to beat you to pulp, it would be nothing in comparison to how I do it."

Chiharu was completely dumbfounded, still thoughtlessly staring into Baki's eyes.

"But to kill you?" Baki couldn't help but slightly laugh at the thought. "I don't think I'd ever be able to do that." This made Chiharu's gaze soften, but before he could even manage to get any words out, Baki spoke.

"Because I admire you. I think you're amazing. In every aspect."

Holy shit. He admires...who? Chiharu's softer expression then formed into one of shock, his eyes slightly widening with a deep blush taking over his cheeks. This man, so gifted and great in all of the things he does, this guy who's not even comparable to me in the slightest and you're trying to tell me he...admires me? Chiharu couldn't wrap his head around it at all, but something about it made his heart pound outside of his chest.

"Not to mention..." Baki leaned his head even closer into Chiharu, his eyelids lowering.

"How cute you tend to be." Baki said softly, before planting a quick kiss to Chiharu's lips.

Seriously? He...seriously?

Chiharu's face was now redder than a tomato, his head spinning profusely and his heart beating faster than if he was still fighting.

"Baki...you..."

"Hehe." Baki laughed, a satisfied smile plastered on his youthful face.

And just like that, Chiharu lost to Baki twice in one night. Again.