#but becuase 'it makes me feel better' | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

tenrose · 2 years ago

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My therapist give me "homeworks" and it seems so complicated and emotionally draining on a paper but he told me that my own avoiding mechanisms are in fact worse and more complicated I just don't realize...

#i have to go drink coffee in a public space #alone which i can do #but i have to not look at my phone or read and watch people for as long as i can #and also i have to force myself to cook #not because i have to #but becuase 'it makes me feel better'#and organise my cooking schedule and dishes in advance #because he knows that if i miss one single ingredient i won't do it #even tho there is a shop five minutes by walking from where i live #also told me to put the ingredients ready the morning so i see them and do the stuff #anyway i hope it works #i mena i do cook even tho lately it has been a slide to the void #so i hope I manage to get myself back on track #and cook and eat at reasonable hours so i can sleep earlier #so if i sleep earlier id be more fit to find another job #next time I'll talk to him about the filth I am with cleaning... even though im like very ashamed of it and hate myself for it #but i can't solve everything at once

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334iwatchshit · 9 days ago

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yeah this mlm fan ship is fun but what if they were both butch lesbians? you ever think about that?

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scopophobia-polaris · 11 months ago

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Honestly could we throw out the idea that totk's story issue is that it isn't consistent with the lore of the older games but instead drops intresting world building from botw because it might have gotten actually dark

#seriously eveeyone keeps up bring up the triforce not being the same like the older games instead of HEY why DOES the royal family just.....#have it #like all of it #and was the sheikah tech from the last game that functions the same was as light arrows/the biden blast was uh #how do i put this #how did they weaponize lightmagic in robots and does this all tie in with the “banishment” thing #or idk dropped point from botw zelda's fucking chracter arc #i know it ended with LOOOK!!!! YOU FUCKED UP BY DOING WHAT YOU THOUGHT WAS RIGHT #But damn they could of just not done that shit in totk making her just the #what was jt #idk man they just keep taking away her agency #man and it sucks cuz the dragon is so cool but mf shes forced to do it what she gonna do stay in the past and DIE?#idk man it just all feels hasty. makes me sad #and it sucks cuz a lot of shit shit is really cool and intresting but man idk i may become a botw zelda deserved a better weiter for her #becuase girl she needs a break. not saying chracters cant go through hardship #but there is something so nasty about the framing of youll never be anything but eveey past princess zelda trope and nothing more #instead of a crystal she turns into a dragon like guys this is the same as skyward sword but idk man is it werd to say #when Hylia does it aginst a thing that wants to steal the god triangles and is also a god its like yeah you had no other choice #how the fuck did one fuckass stone make ganondorf into a god like being you would think that like #mannwhy are the stones THAT powerful and why werent the other bitches able to take them down what because #did #did rauru give sonia the equivalent of the one ring at their wedding hey wait a fuck #sorry for all my spelling mistakes but what the fuck man

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anaer · 4 months ago

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i really do hate jjk

#i just can't quit this fucking fandom #but i hate this series now #like the core narrative issues drive me insane #everyone deserved better #especially yuuji deserved better #the culling games is such a pointless??? arc???#that stalls progression of both the narrative and yuuji's character development #i know everyone's loving the new chapter but honestly i dont think its earned #i think gege skipped the best time he had to actually allow sukuna and yuuji time to breathe as characters #but its more than that #nothing about the culling games narratively leads into this finale #its a complete waste of space #everything about this feels so unearned becuase gege also didn't give anyone except like...nanami's death time to breathe #and don't get me started on nobara #gojo's death i would've been fine with if he hadn't played it as shock value #that's not even the thing that made me nope out #it was choso's death #and the immediate whiplash to todo's entrance #which was so fucking infuriating #like at least when nobara died we got time to sit with that and for yuuji to have feelings before todo came in #but here its like oh no are you sad well NOT ANYMORE look its TODO #to the complete BULLSHIT that was yutajo #i love tragedy but tragedy needs to say something #its gotta be worth it #this just feels like pointless nihilistic bullshit #and that's what im not here for #it makes me mad when gege writes good character interactions now because its like #we could've had this the whole time #you're so good at this #but you just fucking refuse to

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hawnks · 10 months ago

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Etienne pushes on a pull door in front of Mason and he cries himself to sleep that night

#he’s trying to open it for her too #he’s like ‘allow me mon cherie’ (doesn’t speak French btw)#and the silence that follows after the door won’t budge…..#(well it budges A LITTLE because. yknow. vampire strength)#anyway Mason holds back a laugh becuase she doesn’t want to make him feel bad but that just makes him feel WORSE #she learns that it’s better to laugh at him #and then give him 10000 kissies 😔

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the-worms-in-your-bones · 2 days ago

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If I become a fish they can’t make me do things

#I couldn’t think of a better way to express my emotions so #but I have to go to a coyote dissection for a class and my grade definitely depends on this but I have a migraine already and moving is kind #of bad right now and I know for a fact that a three hour long dissection will only make that worse #also this shit makes me so anxious #I can’t deal with when things are wet and have smells #and I really don’t want to watch a coyote get cut up #nothing about that seems enjoyable #and I get why my professor wants me to be there but man do I want to just go lie down #and I really don’t want to have to email and say I can’t come becuase I already missed on dissection due to a migraine and had to leave #another early becuase the dead bird smell made me feel ill #so now I’m just sitting in my car becuase if I don’t leave my car I don’t have to participate in real life #j rambles

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elytrafemme · 4 months ago

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heavy sigh. whatever i dont think me talking about politics right now is doing anybody any good but i really do wonder if its such an insane ask to ask people to be a little mentally fucked for it. like you can afford to feel miserable for a few days you can afford to sit in guilt you can afford to not be able to sleep at night you can afford being overwhelmed with anxiety. you can afford all that if it gets you doing something. you can afford all that because some people cant. theres always going to be someone who cant more than you. is this trauma olympics is this glamorized self destruction or is this the reality of organizing i dont know

#is it a good thing that most of the people i work with havent slept recently? no #it makes them worse because theyre self destructing in a way that is eventually going to fuck them over if they dont change it #but like going a few sleepless days because youre organizing something is worth it #people need to kill their aversion to discomfort when it comes to being involved in politics it fucking sucks.#its overwhelming and its broken me but its made me better #but maybe im mentally fucked. i dunno. but im fucked ina way that gets people to turn up #ask to tag #i don't feel well right now. sorry #not as in disregard what im saying becuase im making the same points id make in sane mind #just as in like. fuck. i dont know.

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zoppzoop · 6 months ago

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GAAHAHHHHH

#venting in the tags #maybe its just past darkness and the Bad Thoughts which i shouldnt listen to are clouding my brain too much #but i feel so fucking weird and inadequate over everything rn #im unable to work on drawings as i usually would have and its kinda plaguing everything which it should like yeah i love drawing but #i cant let just one aspect of me ruin everything. right? the fact that i havent been able to draw as well as i usually can should make me #feel sick to the stomach and unsure about everything i do but it happening and i hate it.#plus i got the ipad id saved up from the comms to buy and its fun and nice and all and maybe i just need more practice with it but i feel #like im not able to draw on it even more? and i spent the whole day trying to get used to it but its just not as good?? and then when i went #back to the no screen wacom i couldnt get a hang of it becuase idek its just not happening #and also the fucking art block wants me dead i swear i want to draw so bad and i have so many ideas but the moment i start anything its just #crumbles down into nothingness and i hate everything i do and gods fuck i want to cry but i can because there are people at home and #usually im a big 'crybaby' when im at home but i dont fucjing wanna be like that anymore like i can handly my shit myself im fine.#i dont need to just fuckinf cry abiut it becuase thats not gonna fox anything but also i feel like crying might just make me feel better #but then id have to hear shit from my family and i know theyre just teasing in a /pos way but i dont wanna fucking deal with that #plus my brother iust talking to him os annoying sometimes like he talks about things so condescendingly and fucking hel dude shut #the fuck up i dont need you telling me that my art is something people can 'just do' and the fact that i was able to get the ipad #'basically for free since i got that money from the little drawings i make' as if they dont fucking mean anything to you like #shut the fucking fuck up dude i worked hard on those and even though i dont like my own shit sometimes i still fucking work hard on those #fuck you you bitch #i think a lot of things are just piling up and i need to sleep #tomorrow will be a new dawn and a fresh start and maybe ill hate myself less #ps. note to anyone reading the tags #im fine i just needed to yell out and express my frustration a bit. some sleep will help surely.

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fractallogic · 2 years ago

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just want to say that the salary range of one of the jobs I applied to today was $118-140K, which is such a laughably stupid and unfathomable amount of money that I just shut it out of my brain until I was pondering idly just now

my salary right now is $54K. my only-touch-this-money-for-research-costs stipend is another $15K (so yeah I have access to $69K per year, nice). i can't IMAGINE making basically my entire two year postdoc of pay... in a year.

like I know you get paid better out of academia but holy fuck it has NOT been sinking in

#this is like BUY A HOUSE money #and BUY A NICE NAP-ON-ABLE COUCH money #and BUY THE CHAIR THAT COSTS A MONTH'S RENT RIGHT NOW money #and MOVE TO DENVER WITHOUT NEEDING RELOCATION COSTS BECAUSE THE JOB IS REMOTE money #is this how people like. afford children???#also my god the realization i had just now that before taxes i make $26/hr is also laughable #this does feel like the appropriate minimum wage.#i live comfortably! except when i was having to pay an extra 1000-1500/mo to visit my mom!#or when it comes to having to buy my own healthcare and trying to find a therapist!#it also makes me feel better about going 'six hours? yeah that seems like a good enough work day'#anyway i'm going to go to bed. tomorrow i have no participants coming in. damn them.#but it also means that maybe i'll roll in with my now monday-ly jimmy johns for lunch??#i'll see how i feel.#it also means i'm only moderately fucked by staying up this late #sorry @ cousin asking 'do what you love or get a fat salary'#having been incredibly underpaid the last 10 years i can confirm that a fat salary >>> doing what you love #becuase here's the thing i can do what i love when i'm NOT earning a fat salary #and having a fat salary and benefits means i'm more likely to actually be able to do what i love

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hinadori-chan · 1 year ago

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low key wanna like

set up a queue for posts i like that don’t circulate anymore so that way the recirculate but also i don’t spam but like

i don’t think i’ve ever used a queue before tbh lol

#listen i’ve always been the kind of blogger where you just know what i’m about when i’m about it #but since this is more of a fandom sidespace than my actual blog maybe that’s the better route?#cause there’s a lot of really good fanart and fanfics and analytical pieces that just #don’t get as much love since they got burried by time and i wanna bring them back to the forefront becuase they’re GOOD #and people put their heart and soul and time into them and i want them to be appreciated becuase i love them and they make me happy #but also i’ve hit post limit multiple times becuase if this blog and i’m scared it’ll happen again #cause i think you still hit it with the queue too #and like #i do actually use my main blog a log and the posts come from the same pool #(pro tip for new users btw if your side blogs are connected to your main account all your posts come from a pool that your account gets)#(kind of like a deck of cards that has to be distributed between all players)#ANYWAY it might be the better move for now #i’ll stew on that while i try and get myself out of writers block #cause i’ll need to get the first draft of peghawks2023 done this weekend if i want ot done in time for the 16th #need to figure out how to trick my brain into working #had this problem in school also #the only reason i passed is because most my teachers loved me and wanted me to succeed in spite of my executive dysfunction #and my other two teachers hated me so much (adhd kid with a pension to cause problems) that they passed me #just so they never had to see me again lmao #it’s okay feelings were mutual fuck those guys #(or love those guys for the teachers that adored me)#(hope they’re doing good)#what was i talking about #RIGHT queues and writing #yeah i should go do that okay bye for now!!!

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caruliaa · 1 year ago

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losing something you once had feels so much worse iv learned then realising youll never get something you never had

#this isnt true im just not in the middle of the second one anymore but its just. such a new sudden pain #what do you do when you lose a close connection with someone that used to tell you you made every day of their life better #and that theyd do anything to keep you in their life just a few months ago?#how you deal with the pain of the person youd go to to laugh with and cry to being gone?#i dont know. i dont other than to just. try to make sure im still here tomorrow and do the same the day after #its jsut so sudden. three years gone in less than a week i cant bear it. and i can still talk to them and i want it that way #and like. just just just i hope so deeply that one day we will be able to rebuild a relationship again #but thats dependant on them not on me. and i know if that day does come its at the several least months away #its not even their fault i know what theyre going through has to be awful too. i just dont know what it is and it feels so sudden for me #idk. what do you do when you lose the person you wanted to learn how to drive you could drive to meet them irl one day #before youve even started lessons? other than cry to olivia rodrigo ig but i was listening to olivia rodrgo without crying on friday #can i go back to that please? can i go back to before this fell apart becuase it did so quickly and i dont know how #vent #flappy rambles

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confettigraffiti · 2 years ago

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I miss talking to my friends genuinely but also I have very much overstayed my welcome everywhere and it's too late (I got VERY annoying near the end + fell out of a major interest which didn't help. my bad yall 😔) I feel like I should remake at this point and just move on but also. move on to what

#goddamn its fucking confetti again #go back #like at this point nobody wants me around because of obvious reasons but also #part of me would rather be distantly known as instead of being completely forgotten 💀#love my inability to keep up with anyone despite wanting to so bad #either becuase i cant fucking remember or because eventually i either become intensely annoying or intensely boring #im already a fraction of how active as i was like even a year and a half ago. Would it even matter if i remade. Probably not #WORST lesbian dream of my life was dreaming about bayojeanne and having every single positive feeling i felt about them and then waking #and remembering i can never go back to that. I dont even care about bayo 3 anymore i just know i was MAD annoying #and i cant just to it even if i wanted #and then it started making me spiral about everything even unrelated to it #pain. So much pain. Lets take ibuprofen together #ok thinking about it most of everyone probably doesnt even remember me and arent actively annoyed by me so. Maybe thats better #thats probably better #uhrmm thid got long lol sorry i dont really hsve access to a place to talk anymore so i kind of just go here #bc this tumblr is filled with dead followers and so its safer snd less likely it gets seen #not to be dramatic but this must br what dying feels like lol

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wizerdbattle · 6 days ago

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Whateverr...

#today's going to be a bad day i just know it #ate peanut butter with a spoon because i couldn't stomach anything else and it's making me feel sicker :/#i have tp perform in a show that i seriously hate and i know it would feel better if i was happier but i really struggle to feel happy #it also means being around people all day like the other performers and my family becuase they have to drive me places and on top of that m #mum has a friend over all weekend so i basically won't get any time alone and i'm gonna have to pretend to have energy around people becaus #otherwise i'm a bad person and i'm making other people feel bad!#urg #vent

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comunications · 4 months ago

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I know that this is very diferent to the other content here, but i don't understand netorare, i mean yeah, You are getting fucked by another man than Your boyfriend, but girl why are You Mean about that? You don't we're a sadist 15 minutes ago what the fuck happened here

#Imagine throwing away Your childhood friend romance just because other man Dick feels too good #could not be me #netorare Is like hyper misoginistic #They should make a “netorare” manga with a nietzschean girl #one that admits that sex with other man feels better and on the same breath explains why she would not leave her boyfriend becuase Of it #And bites the other man ear off

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bigender-cowboy · 4 months ago

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I HATE DOCTORS WHYYYYY NO NO NO GUYS WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS YOU’RE QUITE LITERALLY PAID TO MAKE SURE IM OKAY WHYYY

#I MIGHT HAVE HIP DYSPLASIA #MY MOM WAS WORRIED I HAD IT BECAUSE I HAVE REALLY BAD AND CHRONIC HIP PAIN #HAVE SINCE I WAS LITTLE #AND SHE HAD IT AND I HAVE THE SAME BODY TYPE SO YEAH #AND WE TOOK ME TO GET TESTED WITH X-RAYS AND SHIT #JUST FOR LIKE A YEAR LATER FOR HER TO FIND OUT THEY DID THEM WRONG #SO I MIGHT HAVE HIP DYSPLASIA #FUCK DOCTORS #FUCK HOSPITALS #FUCKING HELPPPP #AND WHEN I GO BECUASE I HAVE THE WORST PAIN KNOWN TO MAN IN MY STOMACH #OR IM VERY SICK #THEY JUST BRUSH IT OFF AND TELL ME TO GO HOME????#eat a dick shitty doctors #I FOUND A DECENT ONE AND HE WANTED TO GET ME ULTRASOUNDS BECAUSE HE WAS AFRIAD I HAD WEIRD ORGANS #LIKE DUDE YOU CANT BRUSH THAT OFF????#IT OBVIOUSLY IS SERIOUS IF A DOCTOR WANTS ME TO GET CHECKED FOR WEIRD ORGANS???#props to the doctor who 1. actually helped treat me and made sure it wasn’t an emergency situation 2. was comedic so when I was stressing-#-to make me feel better 3. when he offered alternative medicine instead of pumping me full of meds and 4. on the topic of meds is trying to-#-help me get antidepressants #ALL MY OTHER DOCTORS HAVE BEEN SHIT #I HAD THE MEDICAL WORLD #btw I only hate shitty doctors as long as your a good doctor it’s alright!#keep working good

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trans-phone-eater · 7 months ago

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I hope there is hell specifically so i and only i can go there i deserve pain worse than anyone has ever felt. I do not deserve to live i do not deserve to exist my existence is a horrible despicable vurse upon this world everyu single problem on this earth is my fault and mine alone I am completely serious/genuine about this. I want to suffer because i deserve it. I cannot tolerate pain and i think is shouls drown in a flood of it. The world would improve significantly if i was torn limb from limb bone from bone and reassembled in an infinite loop.

#boiled electronics #this is a normal thing to think. this is a normal amd healthy belief. i am mentally stable.#I am 100% sure that i will be alive and not dead from suicide at 20 years old #yep.#totally.#prba ly #someone kill me #please.please. i want to die eo badly i dont even know why its not like ive experienced suffering in my life #or that I've ever been sad. ( i cannot experience sadness i am fundamentally a horrible person and cannot experience negative emotions)#theres something wrong sith me but i dont think i should fix it. the worse i feel (which i cant i cant feel bad) the better the world is #therefore the world cannot improve until i die becuase then i won't feel anything which mean i can't feel good so the world wont get worse #someone kill me someone kill me someone kill me someone kill me someone kill me.#i should notg et therapy i dont deserve it. i only deserve death.#Yet because of my fundamental complete atrociousness I cannot bring myself to do so myself so please. i ask you this #anyone who sees this. it would be best for tge world if you found a way to get my real life adress and room and then shoot me or something #I make things worse for everyone universally no one but me understands this fully. nothing can improve until i am gone.#i want to die i want to die wiant to die iwajt to diea #kill .e kill me kill me kill me kill me li.elkee

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