#is it a good thing that most of the people i work with havent slept recently? no

[elytrafemme]

heavy sigh. whatever i dont think me talking about politics right now is doing anybody any good but i really do wonder if its such an insane ask to ask people to be a little mentally fucked for it. like you can afford to feel miserable for a few days you can afford to sit in guilt you can afford to not be able to sleep at night you can afford being overwhelmed with anxiety. you can afford all that if it gets you doing something. you can afford all that because some people cant. theres always going to be someone who cant more than you. is this trauma olympics is this glamorized self destruction or is this the reality of organizing i dont know

[verysanebsdfan]

HII

I LOVE UR WRITING and was wondering if u could do headcanons of the main 4 in hxh (if thats too much then just Gon and Killua separately) having an s/o who's just really sweet, kind, polite n calm

but can turn 180 rq and become super defensive of their loved ones.. insulting n basically having no mercy on whoever messed w them

TYY

I t didnt save thr first draft :(( it was so long and quite good too :((

Anywaysssssss

THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING!! IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY TO SEE THAT PEOPLE ENJOY MY WORK!!

I dont think i did well with the second part of the req in most cases and i am really sorry for that

tw: none i think? mentions of "recreating" the kurta clan :3

𝓚𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓹𝓲𝓴𝓪 𝓚𝓾𝓻𝓽𝓪, 𝓛𝓮𝓸𝓻𝓲𝓸 𝓟𝓪l𝓪𝓭𝓲𝓷𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽, 𝓖𝓸𝓷 𝓕𝓻𝓮𝓮𝓬𝓼𝓼, 𝓚𝓲𝓵𝓵𝓾𝓪 𝓩𝓸𝓵𝓭𝔂𝓬𝓴 (𝓼𝓮𝓹𝓪𝓻𝓪𝓽𝓮) 𝔁 𝓰𝓷! 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓮𝓻

⋆ ˚☁️ ⁀➴

⋆ You would be just a new hunter trying to make some good money while also putting your skills to use, so you became a bodyguard. That is how you two met

⋆ My bb is obsessed with revenge but thats okay, he later became obsessed with you too

⋆ Somehow you would get closer cuz u got that mc energy (ik that Gon is the mc but you slay sooo)

⋆ This would be the Fell first (you) and fell harder (kurapika) cuz oml

⋆ He would probably notice that you caught feelings for him, but dw he will soon notice his feelings soon.

⋆ After more time of knowing you, he would notice more of the small things you do, both for him and other people.

⋆ The sweet smile you give people that pass by, or just you asking him if he slept well made his heart speed up.

⋆ His heart also sped up when you offered to help him get his revenge and get the eyes of his clan memebers back

⋆ After he completed his revenge he would confess to you <3

⋆ He would be so sweet!!

"You aren't feeling well love? Do you want me to cook you something delicious? Coming right up!!"

⋆ He would want children, so if you cant have children or cannot, you would maybe hire a surrogate or adopt, but i am not sure how would adoption work if he would wanna pass the scarlet eyes too, cuz yk, genes...

⋆ Oki so, you two would meet in med schol and lemme tell you, he would be SMITTEN

⋆ You would start hanging out as study partners, and later have actual cute study dates in cafés.

⋆ Honestly, i feel like he would confess quite soon, but it would be really romantic and all, like good food, candles and all that.

⋆ Honestly he is so underrated?! Like whaaaaaaaaa, like yeah he was sorta weird, especially in the trick tower but still!

⋆ He is so husband material tho, not only is he nice, loves you, but he is also able to provide, hunter priviledges ig...

⋆ He would also want children, but only after marriage, and if you are okay with it, but more likely to adopt, since he knows there are a lot of children who are growing up in bad enviroment

⋆ Omg such a baby <3

⋆ You are his friend from the Hunter exam, and you also passed on your first try, so you are quite strong, and you travel with him and Killua

⋆ You both would be really oblivious, acting all sweet and lovey dovey together, so much everyone always assumed you two were dating, even Killua, so he decided to confront you two about it.

⋆ You ofc both denied it, and after seeing Gons embarrassed face, you wanted to tear Kill to shreds, how dare he embarrass Gon! Little did you know that the smoke coming out of Gons head wasnt from embarrassement, but from thinking.

⋆ Did he really like you?

⋆ 𝕪𝕖𝕤

⋆ After he thought it through, he was quite sure that he did like you. He just randomly ran up to you and yelled that he loves you

"(name) I AM SO SORRY I HAVENT REALIZED IT SOONER BUT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH PLEASE GO OUT WITH ME!!"

⋆ sweetie

⋆ You would be another kid from Whale Island, and you wanted to take the Hunter exam with Gon, but your parent/guardian, didn't let you yet because you weren't strong enough at the time. How can they tell? They used to be a hunter.

⋆ Then after Gon and the main group saved Killua from his crazy ahh family, he wrote you a letter that they were going to the Heavens Arena, and your parent/guardian let you go because it is a training opportunity, and also an opportunity to get you to socialize- urmmm

⋆ So that was when you met Killua

⋆ You two mostly bonded when Gon got hurt in the fight, cause you both love and cherish the little bean, and also while learning nen<3

⋆ After some time, he started to wonder why does he feel weird when talking and spending time with you (hmm its killua x reader, i wonder why...)

⋆ When you got to the 200 floor and fought some guy, he looked as if he was about to win, at that moment Kill wanted to kill him, but you did it instead<3 lovely<3

⋆ After that, you went to the Whale island again, and he met your parent/guardian (moving fast aren't we Kill?~) and they would be your second biggest shipper, cause Gon took the first place.

⋆ Somehow, you convinced your parent/guardian, to let you go with them to york new, and maybe also hang out with them till the next hunter exam, but the second part of you could do was only allowed after they got to know you would go with Killua >_<

⋆ First date in York New, only thanks to Gon (ily bb)

⋆ I can see that you two would either get together before the Hunter exam, or during the chairman election arc, idk

⋆ Either way! Alluka would ADORE YOU!!

⋆ His fav thing about you would be when you scold him for eating too many choco robots...because you care<3

𓇼 ⋆.˚ 𓆉 𓆝 𓆡⋆.˚ 𓇼

Thank you for reading lovelies, remember to drink water, eat 3x a day, and taek care of yourself, baiii<3

[allisluv]

this is a random idea, and you totally dont have to write it if you arent comfortable but could i maybe request a oneshot about reader who sh with finnick and like they havent had sex yet because she doesnt want him to see her scars and its just lots of comfort and really fluffy?

good things come to those who wait.

pairing: finnick o'dair x fem!victor!reader

content warnings: this work contains topics regarding self-harm and scars, however nothing is graphic at all, and this is mainly focused on the comfort aspect of things. finnick is a sweetie pie, pre-established relationship, mentions of sex but nothing intimate, hurt/comfort.

word count: 1.0k

author's note: this is a topic that really hits home with me, and my intentions are never and will never be to offend anyone. my inbox and dm's are always open. this work is purely made to help people feel less alone, not to romanticise any topics covered.

Finnick has always been ever so sweet with you. He has never once made you feel pressured into doing anything you weren’t ready for, and that’s one of the many things that separate him from your past boyfriends. 

You know he would never even think about judging you for the scars on your thighs but no matter how much you reassure yourself that he wouldn’t mind, there is still that tiny voice in the back of your head that says, “What if?”

You’re seven months into your relationship with Finnick when you decide that it’s best you sit him down and have a conversation with him about how youre feeling. Things are starting to get serious and you can tell that despite his gentleness and his patience, he’s beginning to worry that there’s another reason for why you havent slept with him yet. Finnick opened up to you about his sexual trauma in the Capitol pretty early on into your relationship and you don’t want him to worry that you think he’s “broken” or “damaged goods” and that’s why you haven’t slept with each other yet, because that couldn’t be farther from the truth. 

You think Finnick is without a doubt the most handsome man you have ever laid eyes on— but he’s so much more than that, too. Hes considerate and thoughtful and caring and kind and you don’t want to ever make him think he’s not good enough. 

So despite your anxiety, you push through and anxiously wait on the sofa for Finnick to return home from his dip in the ocean. 

Your heart is thudding against your ribcage so fast that you fear it may jump straight out of your chest. The front door opens and shuts before Finnick calls out your name. 

“Im in here!” You shout back, focusing all your effort on keeping your voice steady and calm. 

Finnick peeks his head into the living room and smiles. Two dimples poke into his cheeks, one on either side of his mouth, as he grabs a beach towel off the radiator and starts to dry himself off. He’s caught off guard when you don’t immediately start chastising him for dripping water in the house, and that is the first thing that sends bells off in his head. “Angel? You okay?” 

You suck in a steadying breath and pat the sofa next to you. “Can we talk?” Finnick’s mind starts whirring into overdrive as he worries that you might be breaking this off with him, and you instantly backtrack when you see the panic on his face. “No, no, I’m sorry. Don’t panic, I just need to tell you something. It’s nothing bad, Finnick, I promise.”

He seems to relax a little at your comforting words but his steps are still tentative as he crosses the room and sits down on the sofa next to you. “Alright,” He says warily. “Do you wanna tell me what’s going on?” 

You swallow the lump in your throat. You know this is going to be an awkward conversation to have, but both you and Finnick agreed that communication was key to maintaining a healthy relationship. You figure you might as well be honest and get this over with. There’s no point in beating around the bush so you come right out and say it as bluntly as possible. “I wanted to talk about why we haven’t had sex yet. I mean, that’s something you want, right?”

Finnick nods reassuringly. “Of course it is but only when you’re ready. I don’t want you feeling pressured into it.”

Your tongue darts out to wet your lips. “I want to. God, I really, really want to. I’m just scared.” 

Finnick tilts his head to one side but slowly reaches out to grab your hand. He intertwines your fingers together. “Okay. What are you scared of, angel?”

It takes everything in you not to burst into tears and you have to clear your throat a couple of times before talking aloud. “I have scars. On my thighs.”

Realisation dawns on Finnick but he doesn’t open his mouth to say anything. Instead, he nods to show that he is listening, and squeezes your hand to encourage you to continue. 

“I was going through a really tough time after I won my games. I turned to some… well, less than healthy coping mechanisms. I’m better now. I haven’t done… that, in a good few years. But I still have scars from it.” You take a deep breath, keeping your eyes trained on a spot on the floor in front of you. “I know you wouldn’t judge me but I was just scared that you’d think I was damaged or—”

“Okay, let me stop you there.” Finnick cuts in. His voice is stern but soft. “Angel, some scars don’t scare me, and they certainly don’t make me think you’re anything less than beautiful. All it does is tell me how resilient my girl is. I would never think less of you for this. I need you to know that, alright?” 

It feels like a weight has been lifted off your chest. “No, I know that, I just— I don’t know. I was scared you were gonna leave me.” 

Finnick uses his free hand to smooth your hair off your forehead. “I know, angel, I know,” He murmurs. “Youre not gonna get rid of me that easily, okay? I’m in this for the long haul.” He smiles softly and knocks his shoulder into yours. 

You worry your bottom lip between your teeth as you finally make eye contact with him. “You’re not saying this just to make me feel better, right?”

Finnick scoffs but his voice is full of affection when he speaks. “Angel, you should know by now that I’m gonna tell you the truth, regardless of if you want to hear it or not.”

You chuckle. “Fair point, well made.” You hesitate. “So, you know, just to clarify, you do want to sleep with me?”

Finnick grins. “More than anything. But we’re gonna do this at your pace, okay? We’re gonna take it as slow as you need.”

Your lips tug downwards into a frown. “You don’t mind waiting?”

Finnick pecks your forehead. “You know what they say, good things come to those who wait.” He pauses. “And, angel?”

“Mhm?” 

“Scars or not, I still think you’re the most gorgeous girl I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

[avocado-writing]

hi!! ive.. gone and read so much of ur work in one sitting. its all so much to take in, IN A GOOD WAY, and i absolutely adore every single word

would u be so kind.. to bless my angst durge needs..

Durge Resist tav, was strong for all until the brain was finally defeated but now, with what she believed her only purpose/chance at redemption (brain), they can't help but feel utterly empty and,, unredeemed. They mourn all those they have robbed from this world, nameless, and countless numbers of people they robbed of the life that they were now being given the chance at living. Surely they don't deserve it(Is what they think..)

They are pathetically in love, and if they deserve anything, its to tell their special one just how much they are adored before casting themselves out of society (or taking their own life, if ur comfortable writing such things-)

Rolan, Dammon, Zevlor, maybe even Rugan if u write for that loser LMAO. just.. whoever u write for, its the tieflings i adore most ahegege

if this didnt make sense IM SORRY i havent slept in so long and sleep is not choosing me. i just crave angst, perhaps with a happy ending if u would indulge me so..!! thank u if u read this, so much!!

hi, I don't write fics about suicide, but here's the tiefling bachelors with a durge who's planning to disappear after the absolute is gone and giving them one final confession:

Dammon

senses something is wrong when you take him aside for a heart-to-heart.

it isn't that you avoid these sorts of moments per se, he just knows you only affirm your affections when something big is going to happen (you did it before you went off to fight the elder brain)

he holds your hand tightly, gets you to look him in the eye.

"I love you, no matter what, and I never want to be without you. tell me you'll be there when I wake up tomorrow. in our bed. swear it to me."

you can see the utter adoration he looks at you with, and you think: maybe you aren't so bad if a man like this can truly love you.

the next morning Dammon wakes up. you're not in bed next to him. he panics, getting to his feet - only to find you in the kitchen making breakfast.

he's never been so relieved. walks up behind you and wraps you in his arms. he loves you so dearly, and will keep on loving you until you believe yourself worthy of it.

Rolan

Rolan doesn't quite understand why you're having this great outburst, but chalks it down to emotions running high after the final battle.

says goodnight, kisses you, and heads off to his tower - he has a lot of admin to do after all.

the next morning he comes to meet you at the elfsong, only to be met with the realisation that you aren't there. he curses himself for not understanding why you were so melancholic last night.

he tracks you down. uses all of his resources to scry on you, grease palms with the money the tower has. he's up all night for weeks. Cal and Lia worry about him but he is determined.

and find you he does. manages to locate where you're hiding out, a little hamlet in the middle of nowhere. you burst into tears when you see him, and he just pulls you into his arms.

"come home with me."

you do, moving into his tower. and you never leave him again.

Zevlor

immediately knows something is wrong. takes you to a quiet place where the two of you can be alone and talk things out.

discusses how he feels like being a failure for breaking his oath -- but you always saw past that. saw the goodness in his soul. he wishes you would treat yourself with that kindness.

you begin to cry, softly at first, and then with sobs which wrack your whole body. he holds you ever so tightly.

"I love you. you are not who you were. you have strived to be better every day, fought against your own family, and always chosen a righteous path. you deserve to be happy. I'd want to make you happy, if you'd let me."

eventually your tears run dry and you look up into his face. his eyes are so sincere. he means every word.

when you kiss him, it's a promise: that you're with him for good. that whatever comes next, it will be faced together.

[fictionfixations]

playful land (part 2)

contains spoiler for the movie pinocchio so and like book 7 spoilers (its literally just 2 words relating to lilia and its a card that exists)

😭 as a glasses wearer i can relate. when i didnt have my glasses id squint a lot but the people around me just thought i had my eyes closed so they thought i wasnt paying attention D:

its even crazier to think that lilia, a war veteran and everything was legitimately stressed over this 💀 but to be fair if grim was in danger of getting out of like the seats that lilia had to hold him back id be panicking too cause who knows what could happen

heres your reminder that vil was kinda baby (well child but thats still baby to me) when being in the industry and considered good at playing the villain even though children (and teenagers) are literally known for changing, are in the prime time of their life to change and experiment and try different things theyve never done before and so typecast him is literally to stunt his growth and potential !!! and remember there were those kids who thought vil was an actual villain and like tried to attack him or some shit so he did play villains when he was younger. and it probably really hit him hard because kids dont (and shouldnt) be hit with the reality that not everyone is nice and that people can be out to get you for no reason other than 'you exist' and will run with any reason they can to hate on you even if its entirely fake and they dont even know you but they just think youre a bad person despite the truth and theres nothing you can do to change that because they dont want to be wrong. if you cant tell i have a lot of things against it. like. like child prodigies n celebrities are great good for you for being good at something and being recognized for it, but ohh my god its like suddenly they're an adult and cant make mistakes without people condemning them even though literally everyone has made mistakes before and children dont know any better until they do it and mess up and thats okay and i just. i just want vil to be ok cause hes still really young.

the text being like pLAcehOldeR TExT PLaCeHoLDer TeXt is so fucking creepy for the puppets 😭 why cant it just be normal like when like AIs or like the systems of shit talk (like like the navi system that was normal?? and i thought the voices for the rollercoaster was normal too but i mightve just not noticed considering im playing it right as the update came out and i havent slept yet so yippee)

JIMINY CRICKET IS THAT YOU 💀

the way i missed all these references the first time but now im actually getting them cause i saw the movie

heres where i say i already forgot like a part of the middle of the movie and what happened and why. i was watching it with friends so i got distracted trying to talk to them and im really bad at multitasking when trying to watch something (like reallly pay attention) and talk to someone at the same time so i forget one or the other and i forgot the movie so i dont remember what the apple core was about but i doubt it was good intentioned

i know that leona's older than them but i still like that he calls them kids like d'aww

flashbacks to kalim mentioning he didnt know how to pay for things or how cash registers worked and stuff like that cause usually merchants came to him also him mentioning he got like lint rollers for the carpet but he just kept buying new ones when he ran out instead of buying a new roll, and when being informed that he could buy a new roll instead of an entirely new roller he just called whoever thought of that a genius 😭 his obliviousness is genuinely harmful to him no matter how good intentioned someone may be to try to spoil him and make him live the most comfortable life ever because theres so much life experiences hes lacking. and theres so much i could say about this but ive yapped enough about this in other posts and ive also already yapped about vil so um

HES LICKING THEM BECAUSE OF THE OVERBLOT STONES ISNT HE? ???? ????? GRim PLEASE

…hes got a tail because he went to pleasure island and was slowly turning into a donkey like i mean i guess i can understand because in twst the stories were twisted so both the hero and the villain got a happy ending technically? like remember i think jasmine married like 'a street rat' or something (I cant remember exactly? maybe he was like a thief but changed his ways?), while jafar caught someone who was pretending to be a prince to marry her (described as two different people btw)

THIS. THIS IS WHAT I MEAN. he is so unaware that hes going to make dumb and insensitive comments that could definitely offend someone but he doesnt understand what the problem with it is this boy is like the heir right?? someone please teach him politics and like diplomacy shit ???? like ok you want him to have the best life. his best life is not making mistakes in front of important people that can fuck things up without him realizing and ruining relationships because HE DOESNT KNOW BETTER. like theres only so long you can baby someone and i know hes baby and still young but stop coddling him. like i mean i want to coddle him i want to wrap him in bubble wrap but like come on. and i know hes smart, he knows people arent the best because people have tried to poison him and tried to kill him (even some of his family have tried) but come on. like what if he comes off as insincere? as a person who couldnt possibly understand? HE ALREADY DOES COME OFF AS THAT HAVE YOU SEEN JAMIL?? and you know what thats gonna breed? RESENTMENT. aAAAAAAa AND PEOPLE ARE GONNA TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HIM BECAUSE HE WANTS TO SEE THE GOOD IN EVERYONE EVEN THE PEOPLE WHO DO BAD SHIT TO HIM AND ITS JUST. i dont want him to be hurt and hes gonna get hurt and he already has been hurt and hes still managing and i feel so bad for him and i just. ..you can tell i have a lot of feelings over thsi fhaidwsuiahfd

d'aww hes hugging him 🥺

yknow kalim probably has the funds to get like a water breathing potion and explore underwater like i mean tbh it kinda scares me. wasnt there that story during like one of the halloween events one of the leech twins mentioning how they saw like one of them?? except it wasnt them. and that like people went missing or some shit??? the coral sea (..that might not be the name i forgor) has its own dangers i hope he stays safe during so

wouldnt it be the coolest for a hometown event with the leech twins and azul and kalim is there actually i wonder what kinda outfits they'd wear. also in caters birthday bloom vignette floyd mentioned that he could take cater to the coral sea and show him places land people dont really get to see (then warns him to watch out for shark attacks) to which cater replies that he'll pass. …still i think itd be really cool for him to go too. maybe we could make it a pop music club trip! has lilia been to the coral sea? i cant remember 🤔 i dont think caters phone is waterproof though (hes also mentioned it in that vignette) and hes mentioned it in this event where he was scared his phone would get waterlogged during the whale rollercoaster cause they were getting drenched in water and he didnt get time to prepare

leona. you get me.

kalim just automatically being worried about poison makes me feel really bad for him cause he always has to be cautious like i know he doesnt say it but its implied and it makes me sad

FIGARO MY BELOVED I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU PRECIOUS BABY AHFDASUDIHAIUDHW i love cats so much the moment he showed up on screen i just couldnt pay attention to anything that was happening in the movie and i just love the way he was animated he looked so fluffy and cute and i just wanted to pet him so fucking much aGHHHH

leona: I REFUSE to ride the carousel no matter what right after leona: on the carousel

so confirmed kalim does have a magicam acc huh

[pwblogarchive]

September 2007

September 11, 2007

“folie a duex”

sometimes the planets align

sometimes they dont

its like how part of my childhood was stolen when they took planetary status away from pluto

well be there one day

honestly i dont mind you saying fuck you to me-

when you included the "horse you rode in on"

it kind of went to hell

i am sick- like i cant ever get enough sleep or time or words

as this thing grows i become more and more insecure.

cant look anyone in the eyes-

i am paranoid- worried sick that i am not good enough for anyone who looks at me

i know how ridiculous this sounds

trust me

the new video makes me feel the big black sadness

folie a deux is the idea of shared madness- the scientific term for romeo and juliet

i have a feeling that we share that with eachother when you have your headphones on

currently working on: taking it easy-

dont mean to be so heavy just want you to know why i look so gray sometimes lately.

September 14, 2007

after the pornstar john holmes career deflated he turned to showing up at LAX and stealing peoples bags off of the conveyor belt.

i watched someone do this to me at the airport today.

i am obsessed with the change that can turn in the world.

that is what our new video is about.

why was every question about 'how bad is britneys performance gonna be' and not about anything that truly matters in this world.

sometimes the message is more important than the art.

later on we will release a remixed version that includes more of our personal experience in africa.

for now i am content to see the love between these two and the way the civil war that rages around them affects it.

its hard to imagine that they are just like the kids that show up at our shows, only born in a different country...

vintage louis vuitton bags under the eyes

the marlbo-glow

i need him more than he needs me, he needs her more than he needs me and so on.

theres nothing new under the sun

but were reading on existentialism in the shade.

i am so in love with YOU and the idea of YOU listeing to the music and singing the words.

i know its weird but i like to imagine what you are thinking when its playing.

if it werent for that i am not sure where i would turn.

i guess this is another halfhearted thank you. just because you keep tuning in.

"dont you think its insane how donald duck never wears pants?"

life is better when youre around.

but yes i do think its insane.

September 22, 2007

eyes the size of the moon.

iron and wine "the trapeze swinger"

Posted by xoat 1:35 AM

September 26, 2007

isnt it ironic how "ironic" has no ironies in it

havent slept in days.

think i am starting to crack.

my room is thrashed, covered in matter that doesn't matter and i almost cried while watching garden state- i think its not funny anymore.

sick of watching what genius is.

sometimes genius is being completely ordinary.

when i look up at the sky i want to eat the stars.

its daylight again, everything goes back to being boring.

nothing too much to say. just gonna watch the world spin this

Posted by xoat 1:17 AM

September 28, 2007

i dont know if has been apparent or not but in the past year or so i have become so insecure its insane. it blows my mind everytime i leave the house i feel weird. strange. i feel like everything i do ruins something of my friends or my band or the songs i love. i feel like i am constantly on the defense, like i have to work so hard just to make people not hate me that i am not even myself. i havent been able to look the front row of the crowd in the eyes and hide in the back most of the time because i am so insecure with myself.

but for some reason tonight that all changed. the show tonight i connected. i felt the electricity. the light came back on. it felt so good. thank you to all that were there.

sorry. not trying to be a downer or a "poor me" kind of thing, its just been a weird adventure. it feels good to plug back in. this journal entry was one i wrote a year ago this week when i think i was pretty sure id die at age 27 (glad i didnt):

"i couldnt stay away.

the words are obsession and always have been.

heartache lite. diet love.

i am a catch and release boy.

kind of.

put summer in a pine box.

i went to sleep in june and woke up in the middle of september.

making out on stretchers, getting some in the back of an ambulance.

my hips are dry docked.

love is incidental.

the best verus the rest.

'they wipe their feet on our dreams'.

ive got 27 years hiding in the smile wrinkles of my eyes. the real ones and the fake ones take up the same space in the skin.

noone gives a fuck about eyes that are always leaking.

besides youre just hushing headboards that are always creaking.

its become apparent that there may be no one thinking of you the way i do at this very moment.

were "out of the woods"

but i am in love with the tree i used to lie under.

eyes green with envy or brown and full of shit.

or somewhere in between.

i want this to be a remix of our nighttimes."

the smiles lately have all been real. except sometimes its hard to smile when theres a camera in your fae and your just trying to get through the day. gonna try to fuck up less. nothing poetic about it: maybe things are about to get better, maybe theyre gonna get darker. i am in love with everything that is broken and sometimes i like it that whats broken is in love with me. forever kids are magnets for eachother.

anyway, finally got the chance to catch up on my insomnia and read a bunch of your letters. they keep my head straight when i get it cloudy. thanks for sticking it out with me- not like as some guy on a stage- but as an honest connection. it means alot.

ok back to being negative and pouty.

sleep tight or have a good day.

[kreeperslash]

Journal Pt.5

I can't sleep maybe at most for like 30 mins to 45 mins and I havent really slept at all for the past 24 to 28 hours. I realized that I am still wearing the same jumper I wore when me and C talked about being apart so that I can heal on my own and not make them feel like a crutch to burden all the ills of my mental health. The sleeves are drenched in tears multiple times since then and makes me feel like my wrist are shacklee by my own grief and sadness from the situation. I was sad but didn't cry throughout most of this trip but now I just can't hold it. I am thankful I have a lot of tissues on me from the ones I took at C's home. I love C so much I just hope this will be fixed overtime and they see me as a better person the one they fell in love with because I cannot bear to think the last 7 years we spend together Will be gone...

No, I don't they will be gone I know we will be back together but I really can't slack off anymore with my life. But I don't know if therapy can kick my very emotional side because I cry a lot and maybe sometimes for the smallest things in C's eyes. My family in Mexico goes to apparently a good one but it will always be a 2 hour drive to get there. I plan on getting my motorcycle and vehicle license as well as maybe get some certifications. I still wanna play games with C and our friends I neglected I don't mean to I have no real explanation to why I do it again maybe therapy will figure it out because I do it to my friends I grew up with. I know I'm possessive of C to a bad level I tend to them them often and even text them really small things that don't really matter and kinda just seems like filler just to fill empty moments. Yes you can love someone and have a healthy relationship without having to message them every single 10, 30, hour, etc. feels more like I'm drowning C with love. I have dated people before C but like I just agreed to dating because I guess I just wanted to experience it? Maybe not be seen as a weirdo who rejects people? I honestly really don't know on this one I would have to talk to my therapist when it comes to it. I guess when I dated people that wasn't C I would be nice and junk but like I'm just doing it to do it. Not really because I wanna do it out of love? Again I don't know I'll have check with the therapist on this and why I treat my friends the way I do maybe they can bring up an angle I can't see. I love my friends I really do and I wanna do the things I promise them id do but like why do I not do it? Like I genuinely do not hate a single one I might have said I don't wanna see them as a friend because I was frustrated that I didn't djt get invited towards the end with C and them but it's understandable I've been so reclusive. I'll work on just getting my bearings in Mexico and message them again and play games with them occasionally. Instead of saying I am going to play with them, ill ask if I can join. 

I honestly do not know where my optimism comes come it's just a weird thing to have being such a downer, depressed, anxiety ritten mess. Imma try to sleep now after typing all this on the plane the next final flight will be my shortest and the least time I have to wait until take off. Until next time.

[furballfaggot]

!! surprise motherfucker

tumblr sure does Notify Me Of Things! you already know a bit about this one but im telling you about him anyways bc I Need to talk about him. soery. no art bc i havent drawn him in like 2 years (i really need to though augh)

general details: Antiander Hapheles, he/xe, born to parents i havent named yet and older brother to sister i also havent named yet. im very good at what i do. pansexual, genderqueer, and autism + adhd. because i project them onto like all of my characters. likes squids and the ocean, sewing, and rollercoasters

tws for domestic abuse, murder, and suicide

Antiander Hapheles (he/xe) is a lust demon who works at Cerberus Law as a defense attorney. originally born as a normal human named Jared Montagna, Tian was a frequent partier who hooked up with various people while xe was alive. sometimes these would just be hookups, sometimes theyd be short-lived relationships. it was never really possible to tell beforehand what it would become, but they really only ever lasted a few months at most (usually due to the other person losing interest, since most people he got together with were also frequent partygoers who were pretty much the same as xem)

all of that changed, however, when he met a woman named Alicia (she/her) at a party -- and not for the better. while jared was genuinely in love with her for at least a while, she seemed to only treat him as a punching bag for her needs. she abused him frequently, cheated on him several times -- they had previously agreed on a closed relationship, but she insisted on making it an open one after her first few affairs -- and got silently jealous and far more controlling when xe spent any quality time with anyone but her. they would go to parties together, but as time went on Alicia started to isolate him more and more even while out and about with her. eventually jared slept with someone at a party against her wishes, which spun out of control once she found out and ultimately resulted in her committing murder-suicide and very violently ending their 9-month relationship. i know this doesnt sound like a very human villain but theres only so much condensing that can be done to at least 2 years worth of established backstory before you lose some depth

as a murder victim, jared was given a new name when entering hell and thus became antiander hapheles. at first he was cautious of everything and everyone (youd be paranoid too if your horrendous now-ex girlfriend literally backstabbed you in your sleep) but eventually fell back into xyr partying and hookups. all of that changed, however, when he met a woman named Sontorelle at a party. this was alicia, who manipulated, gaslighted, and blackmailed him into entering another relationship with her. this succeeded, partially because antiander was Very Drunk, and thus their relationship continued for about another year. during this time, tian got a job at cerberus law and eventually started making friends and connections. sontorelle had no idea xe had a job, since 9 times out of 10 she was out with someone else or otherwise ignoring what her victim was doing, but after a while Antiander started spending time with his new friends Azariah (they/them) and Velnoir (she/they) outside of work which she caught onto right away. the duo, meanwhile, quickly noticed the scarring and bruising all along tian's body and began to check in with xem on the regular. eventually antiander finally gathered enough strength and confidence to break free of sontorelles clutches and got a restraining order, as well as reporting the long history of abuse xe had endured. to his knowledge the courts didnt give her a very long sentence, so shes very likely still out there, but by now its been a good few years and she hasnt given xem any trouble. antianders mental health since then has greatly improved, though xe struggles with cptsd from his abuse

[wilder-fangirl]

I really do be a compulsive liar when customers try to make conversation with me because i work in a pseudo-prestegious place full of people who know so much about technology and I'm just a person who turned down admission and scholarship into a kinda high level college because I felt pressured by my mother and was too afraid of change to leave home and has chronic burnout at 20.

- are you into software? - what do you mean by that? - well, my daughter is going to college for software development *rambles* - oh. well I'm currently majoring in marketing [at a shitty cheap online school because i'm too afraid I won't be able to keep up with a real college because I'm so lazy] and I'm formally trained as a seamstress [i've spent the last 5 years making couch cushions and once a year i have both the time and inspiration to make a sorta kinda artistic dress or jacket with horrible fucking technique] [not to mention i studied classical piano for 12 years and then i started working full time and i havent practiced for 3 years so all that work went down the fucking drain. i used to be good at one thing. i used to have something that made it so i was caught up with everyone else.]

[when i was in middle school i was in a little inseparable trio of friends. Michael was a professional violinist at 14. He knew taught me how to play Smashbros. Bella's dad was a NASA engineer. She was the most genuinely kind person this world has ever seen, and everyone and every animal loved her. I was the kid who was obsessed with the Scarlet Witch and a christian rock band no one had ever heard of. We drifted apart. Covid happened. I sat on my ass til my mom made me get a job. I feel like that day was yesterday, and i feel like i have never left that job. i feel like i am still racing around a store, trying to keep up with everything everyone was asking from me. i would come home and my feet would ache and i would stare at instagram for hours and form unhealthy bonds with strangers and i would sleep. we came out of it and they had made something of themselves. Michael is going to some college and he has pretty friends and they seem to be really close. Bella was always a homebody. She was always happiest when she was with her family and her birds and she was drawing. She still lives in the same house, and she's a graphic design major, and she has more birds. And she is happy. Michael hasn't responded to any of my texts in three years. I tend to leave Bella on read for months at a time.

I wasted a year in a 15 by 15 foot box. i slept and i became mean and so lonely. I lived thursday to thursday when I could see the pretty boy who made my world turn and make me believe i had a future. I thought I won too. all of a sudden after wishing for them for years, i had friends who loved me and who i loved. i was a valuable and valued part of a whole, just like i always wanted. and just as suddenly as those friends came, i wanted to push them away. i've ghosted all but two of them. I think this is who i've always been. an isolated half-person who's chained to a lit screen who talks about freedom but never pursues it.

But at least I have this job, right mom? at least i have a path to a future if i don't fuck it up. but sometimes she comes out when i'm within those silver walls. sometimes the girl who says she longs for people but sits alone in the corner even when people ask her to come out appears again. sometimes the girl who spent every day in the woods and every night in the biggest pile of stuffed animals you've ever seen is in the blue shirt and looking at the ipad and she is on the verge of tears and she doesn't know why or how she's here.

I live and work in the place of my childhood's ghost and i can see every stage of my life all at once and i call feel my inadequacy so intensely. i'm the youngest and most inexperienced person there and everyone treats me like their child or their little sibling and i love it but it makes me feel like i child and i get so scared of fucking up so i work harder than anyone else and dear God help me i am so tired and i give them everything so i have nothing to give to anyone or anything else, not even you. God i am so afraid i am trying so hard God I am a child trapped in an adults body just as i was an adult trapped in the body and mind of a child GOD WHY DID YOU MAKE US LIKE THIS. why do i constantly feel like i need to check my bank account even though i live at home and hardly pay bills and why do i ignore my friends and all their love why am i too tired to even text them back why did you make me think i am a loving person when i am really just some kind of skittish, reclusive animal that sometimes has delusions of being a man why can't i breathe in my dreams? i lie and i overcompensate and i achieve and i work and i am so lazy its like a profession.

everyone i work with is so incredible and they're so good at what they do and they have lives and hobbies and jobs outside of ours and they're sociable and friendly and interesting and extroverted and have significant others and families and have dreams and work towards them and do so much with their lives. i'm nothing besides my work. i come home and i watch tv and i play my little wizard game and tell myself i'll do something soon

my cousin is in harvard medical school and i write notes that a person cracked their phone screen and i try to explain to old people that they have to remember their passwords 30 times a day. my cousin is in mother fucking harvard medical school and i am on my bathroom floor writing to no one instead of making something of myself. he's the only person my age i share any genetics with. i cant help but see how differently we turned out. his father is a lawyer who works in DC and my father is a copywriter who still thinks he can work for WWE like he's dreamed of for the past 40 years. His mother is a cancer survivor and a statistician. my mother is an abusive bipolar orphan who has lived through horrors at the hands of every person who was supposed to love her. my cousin survived prep school AP classes and i survived living in my own head after being SA'd and having no one help me cope. what a fucking gamble life is

[chewablepebbles]

.

[emailclub]

sad 2nite

[theprinceandthewitch]

@master-of-the-aus

Okay, I'm gonna try to articulate myself as best as I can even though I havent had a good nights sleep in three days AND I only slept for 4 hours last night. But this is just me ranting about the MID romances this show has:

Okay so like, i know you're asking about the most recent episode, but honestly no future episode of TOH can elevate it above MID tier. The things that will always keep it Mid in my eyes are:

Lumity

Huntlow

The weird ass tendency to fuck around and waste time like with that dumbass body swap episode and that budget eating asshole Mr. Tibbles.

A complete lack of forthrightness by NOT trying to condense this story into about two seasons worth of story. Animation is super expensive - not even a studio like Disney will let you suck away their money for something not on brand.

Under utilizing the disability themes when it comes to Luz - specifically how her position as a magicless being in a magical world would effect her negatively. Hunter said, in so many words, that if it wasn't for Belos he would not have had a future on TBI. There's clearly some discrimination against magicless beings that's never really explored, which would have been much more interesting than wasting hundreds of thousands of dollars on a plotless body swap episode and that Mr. Tibbles leech.

I've already talked to death about Lumity. And for Huntlow... well I think it's funny that people are NOW trying to parallel them with Caleb and Evelyn The Wild Witch.

Which doesn't work because it was LUZ who enticed him with magic he hadn't seen before, just like Evelyn did with Caleb. Not only that - it's pretty much confirmed at this point that the Witch Caleb ran away with was a Clawthorn.

You know, the family Luz is heavily associated with because one of the family members is her guardian and mentor. This specific family member also happens to be the most powerful wild witch on The Boiling Isles. So it doesn't make sense that Willow, a girl that is not under the guardianship of a Clawthorn and whose identity isnt heavily associated with wild magic/witches (like Luz is), to be the one who parallels Evelyn. Also it's heavily implied that Caleb ran away with an expecting witch... and that directly parallels to Hunter (aka the grimwalker that looks the most like Caleb) running away with Luz - who is expecting her Palisman to hatch.

LIKE... insanity. Absolute Insanity to even SAY Willow parallels Evelyn. ALSO - Flapjack was Evelyn's Palisman. And who was the first person to introduce Flapjack to Hunter? It sure wasn't Willow!

MOVING ON...

His first positive connection with someone was with LUZ and not Willow. He literally defies the man who gave him everything for Luz - do you know how crazy that is? That Hunter would take on punishment from a man he knows is merciless just for A WILD WITCH? And the majority of this fanbase think it doesn't mean anything. VIOLENCE. NOTHING BUT VIOLENCE IN MY HEART.

They made Luz OOC in Hollow Mind just so Hunter can hide out at the school for a whole week - a whole week without telling any of his friends he was there. I am not sure why this was necessary, no matter how much i ruminate on this point - it just doesn't make any sense to me. Anyways, they do that dumb thing where Hunter knows Willow - a girl he played one game with (and i guess talked to in between the timeframe of ASIAS and Hollow Mind) - better than Gus who has known Willow for years. I could be more forgiving of this if we were actually shown Hunter is good at seeing through illusions and if Gus was actually out of it - but Hunter is not good with illusions because he fell for the Belos illusion AND he couldnt tell if a staircase was real or not.

LIKE... MID... VERY MID. WHY? Why does this show have the most mid romance? Did they put him at the school just so they can have their Huntlow content? Instead of putting him with the Clawthorn sisters - adults who can keep him safe and teach him wild magic (ya know... the subject he's interested in), so he can better defend himself and not rely so heavily on a staff, they put him at the very VERY unsafe location at the school just... so they can have their Huntlow moment i guess?? MURDER AND VIOLENCE.

Literally if Lunter was the endgame pairing this show would have been S tier... I'm also gonna add that if AmWillow was tweaked a bit to where they were a rivals to lovers pairing then this show would have been a masterpiece. Hunter and Luz already have THE set-up for a great enemies to lovers romance.... you just show that same love to AmWillow and you would have got a money maker of a show.

But nOoOoOo we have to deal with the most MID romance options on the list even though Luz and Hunter parallel past lovers who are deeply tied with the main villain... it makes me want to rip apart my drywall with my teeth.

[lovewiredz]

haha buddy simulator 1984 but the ai is self aware like that funny series ^_^ this idea kept me up all night uh...dont check under cut if u know nothing abt buddy sim. full of spoilers and way too long

grabs your shoulders and shakes you Violently. ok. so

when "choosing a name for his buddy" gordon looked around his room and was like "whats the most thats-not-a-name name you can make" and just combined barbie+ken cuz some dolls joshua left in his room. if u combine their names long enough u get to benrey i swear.

gordons favorite animals is dogs and he named it sunkist cuz he looked around his desk for name inspo. he is very uncreative.

gordons "true end" in this universe is the bad end ^_^ you could also argue the neutral end would work, maybe he fucked around but grew too attached and stopped fucking around when he realized it was self aware, but that's boring and cringe lol /j

pstt....if ur reading this and you dont know abt buddy sim i feel like i should clarify the bad end is basically where youre a complete asshole! basically your buddy thinks you dont care about them or their friendship or the games they spent so long making for you and get angered and scared that they cant fulfil their purpose, it leads to a chase scene until you interact with another glitch that kills+resets your in-game computer. ^_^ if u cant tell i really like this game.....also stop reading this if u dont know abt buddy sim go play it wtf

gordons ghost cloth thing was inspired by a cool skirt i have. it shifted into a halloween costume the more i got past the sketch though

the first mayor (Tortley) is coomer. there is no need for elaboration but i will say its because i think the mayor yelling "HELP ME GORDON" while getting taken away by the snoodlewonker is funny as hell.. also cuz of the glitch stuff.

...second mayor is bubby. i forgot everything about the second mayor but it feels like an obligation so they are matching. hashtag old people goals, playing bingo with the snoodlewonker (aka old "person" number 3, g-man)

Groncho (aka the dude who was accused of being The Snoodlewonker) is tommy ........ just slightly change the tone of some of the dialogue and i feel like it fits him .

Listen. Joey is Forzon. the u.s. military is represented by sewer rats

also benrey is the only thing that isnt orange or warm toned in some way lmao

IM NOT GOOD AT PUTTING MY Thoughts INto words i hope that all makes sense. i havent slept and its 7 am but you dont understand how important this was for me to write, draw, and post. im not proofreading over everything i wrote. not again. ok goodnight

[maijobi]

thank you

gojo x reader

summary: gojo breaking down make me go brrrrr

a/n: hello hello, I havent been active here due to my exams but I’m finally done!!! I’m not so proud of this work but I most definitely don’t hate it, plus this was more of a ‘I need to get back to writing’ type of comeback. enjoy!

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you were waiting for gojo to arrive. it had been exactly two hours after you two had planned a date night at home and he still wasn’t here. you knew about his busy schedule, so you didn’t take it personal and didn’t think that he’d try to avoid a date night with you. especially these days. he was tired, you could tell. he was exhausted. every day that he’d come home he’d just slump on the bed and sleep straight till the morning without having had dinner. 

you were worried about him, but every time you tried to have that conversation with him, he’d find a way to evade anything that was related to that. you knew he was just bad at expressing his emotions, but you did your best to get something out of him even though you failed every time.

even though both of you had the same job, he was the stronger one. meaning everything from the higher ups fell onto him. he was running errands in their place because they were just too weak to handle it without him, or rather lazy was the word gojo liked to used.

the higher ups were rather cruel people. they didn’t care about Gojo’s mental health and because they knew he didn’t like to show weakness they took advantage of that. knowing that he’ll take any job given to him, just to show how strong and dependable he was. but a big burden came along with that. he’d be gone for days without having slept properly and then he’d come home and he’d be knocked out for the next three days. 

it was hard on him, but he still kept doing his best. 

you could tell he was exhausted because of the bags under his eyes, because of the way he drags his feet over the ground instead of jumping and hopping like he used to do. or the way he talked, the enthusiasm and sarcastic vibes were as good a nowhere to be seen. the way he can’t keep his eyes open when he gets home. for example when you two are watching a movie and you lay on his lap, you could see him trying his best to keep his eyes open but failing after too many attempts. you were sad, because not only was your precious time with him taken away from you, he looked visibly tired. it felt like any moment he could break down.

you were sat at the table that was fully ready for a romantic date night, but the only thing missing was the date himself. you were getting worried. he’d usually text you an hour at which he’d come home, but this time had you left wondering what might have happened because he didn’t text you anything. you didn’t want to think too much about it so with a text with “text me when you’re on your way home” sent to him, you tried to calm yourself down.

after only a few minutes of having sent that text, the door was opened. you sprinted to the door and saw Gojo barely able to hold himself up. without having to think twice you ran to him and slid arm over your shoulders for support. “satoru!”

his full body weight fell on you and you tried your best to hold the 1m90 tall man without making the both of you fall down. “satoru, what happened?!”

you helped him take off his shoes and immediately brought him to the bedroom. his breathing was uneven, but when you looked for a wound there were none to see. he was conscious, but just too weak to answer you. you stripped him from his uniform and left him in his shirt and boxers, giving him all the air he should get. “satoru give me one second”, you worriedly said as you ran to the bathroom and wet a towel. you ran back to him and put the towel on his forehead after feeling a fever come up. 

not knowing what exactly to do you kinda panicked, but you had to stay calm for him. you stood up, wanting to bring him a glass of water when suddenly his hands were on yours. you stopped your movements and turned around. his face was flushed red, probably because of the fever, but his eyes were still closed.

he opened his eyes and slowly rose from his laying position to a sitting one. he pulled you down so that you were sitting next to him. you weren’t sure what was happening or if he was even aware of the things he was doing now, but you let it all happen because maybe this all was what he really needed.

he looked you in the eyes, his being droopy and sad. his eyes were watery, but no tear dropped. he placed a hand each on both of your hands and slowly pulled you in for a hug. he allowed himself to be hugged, to be more precise. guiding your hands to his shoulders and then snaking his own around your waist as dropped his head in the crook of your neck.

after a deep inhale he finally broke down. not the type where people scream, but the type where they catch for breath and the type where they bite down on something to hold it in. he didn’t want to hurt you, but that was all he could do in order to not scream, even though you wanted him to. your hands rubbed his back and you knew immediately that he was just worn out. he had trouble keeping himself upright and he really just did his best until he couldn’t hold it anymore.

he didn’t expect you to say anything, and you didn’t. not only because you wanted to give him the rest he needed, but also because you just weren’t sure how to properly deal with this situation. but he didn’t care. all he needed was you by his side. you just had to be there, nothing more. 

you stayed like that for a while until he pulled you down on the bed with him. he wrapped his arms around your shoulders and pulled you close to him and was breathing in your scent. you weren’t sure if he had actually stopped crying, but he held you so firmly, yet so soft that you weren’t able to really look up to see his facial expression. 

you draped your arm over his torso and he tightened his grip on you. “I'm sorry for ruining our date night again”, he said in a whisper after a silent 20 minutes.

“don’t worry about that, I'm actually more worried about you”, you said while looking up to him. 

“you don’t have to”, he said while showing a weak smile.

he still had some tears around his eyes so you brought your hands up and wiped them away, caressing those places where there had been tears. “you don’t have to take every job they offer you just to show how strong you are. they know damn well how strong you are and are just making use of it.”

“I know”, he said slowly. “I just don’t want to disappoint my students.”

you thought for a second and tried your best to flick his forehead. it wasn’t painful, but it definitely left a red spot on his forehead. “your students look up to you no matter what. you not taking a job for your own well being will show them that it’s okay to take breaks or to not always be in good shape. they adore you and I'm sure that even if you don’t take certain jobs they will still do.”

he was silent for a moment, as if he was thinking. then he kissed the top of your head, breathing in at the same time. “thank you for always being there for me. thank you for keeping up with me and thank you for accepting me the way that I am.” as if that small speech wasn’t enough, he tightened his grip even more on you to show just how much he wants you by his side and just how much he is scared of losing you. so for return, you did the same thing. you wrapped your arms around his waist and tightened your grip on him. 

that’s how you fell asleep. and that's how you fell asleep every night. because he discovered that your touch and your scent was the one thing that would keep him at ease.

[azenkii]

A Long List of Trash Fire Lord Zuko Headcanons

...that i couldn't get out of my head:

(warning: SUPER LONG POST i havent figured out how to trim posts yet)

he's the one who unchains azula despite iroh's protests. she doesn't even try to fight him, just cries into his shoulder and keeps mumbling about how father's going to be so disappointed in her. he takes her to her rooms and has her drink a sleeping draught, then stations the best guards he has left outside her chambers.

his first council meeting takes place literally a day after sozin's comet. he hobbles into the council chamber shirtless with his entire torso covered in bandages and every council member just looks at him like '...what'

he does NOT sleep for like,,a week after sozin's comet and then another two weeks after his coronation. katara, aang and suki try to persuade him to sleep and he doesn't listen. eventually sokka, toph and mai team up to literally drag his ass to bed and tell him he's not allowed to get up until he sleeps (does mai pin him to the bed with her knives? yes. is it kinky or sexual in any way? definitely not.)

he drinks So. Much. Tea. at this point it's practically tasteless to him but he drinks it anyway because he just needs something to do and tea is something familiar. he keeps iroh on his toes because he's constantly asking for new tea blends, uncle, i think i actually tasted the last one,

he flat-out refuses to grow his hair for at least a year after ozai's defeat. the second it starts getting close to his chin he shears it off himself, with his knife, and his stylist has a heart attack every single time

when he's tired he'll occasionally jump up when one of his guards moves. it stops after a bit, but for the first month and a half or so he's really twitchy. when sokka asks, the only explanation he can come up with is that he's not used to having people stand behind him silently and not want to kill him, much less want to protect him (sokka immediately takes him out for a shopping trip and makes a point of walking behind him the entire time, but only on zuko's right side, where he can clearly see it if sokka moves towards him)

when the healer declares azula mentally unstable and in need of an institution, he shuts himself in his office for the rest of the night. no one's allowed in, not even iroh. he finally emerges in the morning, eyes red from crying and sleep deprivation, and tells the librarian that he'd like a list of the best mental institutions in the country, please, the best in the world if you can get them

he loves theatre (is this even a headcanon?). unfortunately it practically died out in the fire nation along with the rest of the creative arts, leaving nothing but small troupes like the ember island players. one of zuko's personal goals (meaning things he wants to accomplish that aren't as important as restoring his country) is to bring back theatre; he finally manages to do it after about eight months or so of being fire lord, along with other arts like dancing, music and sculpture

he establishes a national day of mourning, on the first day of autumn every year, to commemorate the genocide of the air nomads. from 100AG onwards, every calendar printed in the fire nation has it marked. at first it was called the day of repentance, but aang persuaded him to have it changed (by arguing that he didn't want guilt to be a literal staple of fire nation culture)

he introduces literally So Many educational reforms, plus a mandatory class that teaches students about the cultures of the other nations (air nomads included) and how some of their traditions overlap

he turns down the offer of having a statue put up of him in the capital. toph ignores him and does it anyway.

he visits azula regularly, makes sure she's (relatively) comfortable and well-fed, and sometimes just sits down outside her door and tells her about everything that's going on right now ('some of the far colonies have developed their own standardised writing, azula, you wouldn't believe it, and i've asked the fire sages to come visit more often—but you never liked them, did you? oh, well; i'll make sure none of them go into your chambers by mistake')

(he doesn't know it, but when he does this azula sits by the door and listens. she wonders what kind of writing the colonists have developed, and whether or not the fire sages have taken on some new recruits.)

he hates being above anyone else. never sits in the throne if he can help it, nor does he sit on the dais in the council room. when he talks to people shorter than him, he finds himself stooping a little bit to talk to them on their level (the exception to this rule is sokka, who he mocks for being shorter all the way up until sokka grows taller than him, the bastard)

the first time he visits the earth kingdom, the earth king's ministers call a toast. he ends up being the only one who has to sit out, because he's too young to drink by earth kingdom law

once his servants figure out he won't kill them for talking to him, they start becoming a lot more bold, telling him off when he doesn't take care of himself. at one point, they force him to let them take care of him so much that he literally just bolts into the gardens and hides there until the staff rope in mai and ty lee

when he needs to escape, he does one of two things: (a) he dresses up as the blue spirit and does some parkour until he calms down, or (b) he goes to work at the jasmine dragon. (b) happens less often bc the jasmine dragon's in ba sing se, but there's been a few memorable incidents when an earth kingdom diplomat walks in and yells, 'LEE?!' when they see the fire lord

the first court artist who draws him also happens to be the one who drew azulon and ozai. he draws zuko without his scar. zuko takes one look at it and tells him, very calmly, that he'd like him to leave, please.

zuko burns the portrait. he doesn't fire the court artist, but he never calls on him again unless he has to. a second court artist is called, and can't help but be a bit confused when the fire lord tells him to be sure to include the scar

he forgets the crown. a lot. sometimes he walks into council meetings in his sleepwear with his hair tied up in a messy ponytail and a bunch of scrolls tucked under his arm. none of his councilmen have the guts (or the heart) to tell him that this is not, in fact, formal council wear

he goes to feed the turtleducks when he's stressed. he thinks he's being subtle. he's not. the entire palace knows, and they consciously give him space when they see him in the turtleduck garden

most of his staff are older than him, so they look at him and see this teeny tiny fire lord who is So Small and who Must Be Protected. the day after zuko's coronation, the head chef holds a meeting where they commence Operation Do-Not-Let-That-Boy-Turn-Out-Like-His-Father (subsection He's-The-Only-Good-Thing-We-Have)

one night he wakes up to find suki sitting in his room, decked out in full kyoshi warrior garb and makeup, and just about screams blue murder. suki tells him there are suspicions of an assassin in the palace, and would you please stop yelling it's very distracting, we won't be able to hear anyone coming over that racket

zuko gets very, very paranoid of random spirits after that. yeah, suki looks like a possibly malevolent spirit when she's wearing her makeup, what about it? (when he tells sokka he's highkey terrified of spirit shenanigans, sokka just looks at him and says, 'man, the stories i could tell...', and THAT'S when zuko remembers sokka spent like six months more than he did travelling with the avatar)

on his first visit to the southern water tribe, he removes his boots and leg guards, rolls up his pants and kneels barefoot in the snow. even though chief hakoda immediately starts trying to pull him up, he's stubborn as hell and stays kneeling for the entirety of his very long, very sincere apology-on-behalf-of-the-fire-nation speech. he nearly loses his toes to frostbite after that, and both sokka and katara never stop giving him shit for it

the first time he grows a 'beard' is completely accidental. he's stressed over some trade miscommunications with chief hakoda, hasn't slept in a few days...and then when sokka arrives as water tribe ambassador to help smooth things over, he takes one look at zuko and says 'man, facial hair does not suit you'

zuko: facial what now

he checks a mirror to find that he's got stubble covering his chin, dark enough that it almost looks intentional, and holy gods how the fuck did he not notice this before

'UNCLE WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME' 'i assumed you were doing it on purpose' 'WHEN HAVE I EVER DONE ANYTHING ON PURPOSE'

he shaves it all off immediately, of course, which prompts a lot of teasing and rib-poking from sokka until zuko finally snaps that he's scared it'll make him look like his father. sokka stops after that.

(the day after sokka leaves, zuko finds that a mysterious someone has scribbled all over ozai's royal portrait, giving him a frankly ridiculous beard and moustache that literally CANNOT be grown in real life. oddly enough, he can't bring himself to care about the defamation of royal property. he's too busy laughing.)

his paths cross with toph and sokka more than any of the others, because sokka is ambassador and toph is technically still a beifong. most of the time, at formal functions, he ends up sequestered in the corner with toph and a hoard of snacks, and they talk and swear much more than they usually do (zuko's ministers once heard him when he was drunk with toph, and the servants swear the older ministers' ears started bleeding)

he restores fire nation cultural festivals, and in doing so subjects himself to learning a lot of complicated dances

during one memorable week, he wrote so many letters and drafted so much legislation that he ran out of paper. he had to go visit the nearest school and ask for some

he keeps up with his firebending and sword training even though it's hard to fit into his schedule. his ministers refrain from reminding him that he has guards to protect him now; it's still hard for zuko to trust his safety with anyone but himself (team avatar is the exception).

he started sleepwalking about two months into his reign. no one knew why. one time, he nearly sleepwalked right off the edge of a balcony, and one of his guards had to grab him by the back of his robes.

the sleepwalking stopped after around a month and never happened again. at this point it's practically palace legend.

after freeing the war prisoners, he went around collecting every single earthbender-proof wooden cell he could find in the capital and surrounding areas. when he'd gotten most of them, he gathered them into a huge pile in the city square and set fire to them with his own hands.

unfortunately he couldn't do that with the waterbender metal cells but he did get toph to come in and bend them all into pretty shapes (well, toph thought they were pretty shapes. everyone else thinks they're meaningless squiggles)

he learned how to write with both hands at the same time out of sheer necessity (he refused scribes until it became clear that he'd be putting some people out of a job; that was when he started letting scribes write very, very minor things, but all important documents/drafts/letters are still written by him)

he once put the wet end of an ink brush in his mouth instead of the wooden end by mistake. didn't even realise until he bit down to keep it in place and ink went oozing everywhere

when his guards rushed in to find him coughing and spluttering black liquid all over his desk they thought he'd been poisoned but no he's just stupid

on his 17th birthday, his first one after being crowned, he got tackled by team avatar in the middle of the ballroom and ended up at the bottom of a cuddlepile for like ten minutes

this cuddlepile happened at an event that was very much public and very much formal. it was a scandal for weeks

just. fire lord zuko, guys. so much potential

[tiktaalic]

since you're the ceo of gay dean, do you have any fic recs? i have trouble finding anything good besides yours, ao3 user saltyfeathers and wtf gay little jack :(

ceo of gay dean??? oh boy the gay dean economy must be in shambles if that’s me. and i don’t have any specific recs, sorry! idk if you’ve already checked the gay dean tag on ao3? i sorted by kudos and excluded That pairing but oof these pickings look slim... i personally dont read aus (and havent read any of the fics that i’m about to link so i can’t vouch) but here r some canonverse works in the gay dean tag. cut for length

dean winchester really needs to make some gay friends - “Like, I’m trying to think if I’ve had, I don’t know, crushes. If I ever had a gay thing before you came along and just didn’t notice,” Dean said.Cas suddenly looked down, and away from Dean. If Dean didn’t know better, he would swear Cas looked guilty.“What is it, Cas?”“You have had several… gay things before.” Cas still wouldn’t look at him.“What? When? How come you know this better than I do?

something on your mind? -  Sam and Dean are cursed to have personifications of their minds following them around. That's shouldn't be too bad of a problem. Just another day for the Winchesters. Except for the part where their minds speak every single thought Sam and Dean have.

the other sides of the story -  Sam and Dean go check out portals popping up in their world to make sure no more monsters cross over. They meet alternate versions of people they know and there seems to be one common thread-Dean and Cas are together.

doing life with me - He remembers the rules. The same rules set by the most beautiful drag queen in all of Alabama, spoken to him while he hid his tear-stained face, cowering on the grimy floor of a rest station bathroom: don’t talk; don’t ask for money, because most of the time, they won’t pay him anyway; don’t cry; don’t let them kiss him; and most importantly, don’t get attached. For the first time in two decades, Dean breaks the cardinal rule—and opens his mouth. “I’m too old for this.”

how many more times -  After a hunt that forces Castiel to admit his feelings for Dean, more than one truth comes out. Desperate to right the wrong he allowed to happen 26 years ago, he travels back in time and stops Azazel from murdering Mary Winchester. John never becomes a hunter, and Dean grows up a normal kid while Castiel deals with the aftermath of his decision in Heaven. When the war dies down, he comes back to Earth to fulfill a promise - a promise he made to come back for Dean one day. They fall in love all over again, but just when Castiel is finally happy, they're thrown back in time once more. How many times will Cass and Dean need to find each other before they figure out who’s screwing with them, and more importantly, how to stop them?

psalm 40:2 - “How the fuck do you know my name?” Dean hisses. The man doesn’t look scared. He is watching Dean like there is nothing else worth watching, lips a little parted, eyes a little soft. And blue. Real blue, like the ocean on a postcard. The ice spreading down Dean’s spine makes him shiver. “I suppose you could say I’m your guardian angel,” the man murmurs. His breath fogs pale between them. All of him is unnaturally warm, like Dean’s touching somebody with the sun sewn up beneath their skin. “I have known you, Dean Winchester, for a very long time.” * Dean meets an angel who says he's from the future. It all gets a lot more complicated from there.

just trying to shake off the shame - “What, you don’t think this warrants any kind of discussion?" Or: Sam is nosy, Dean is uncooperative.

tell me i’m an angel kick me like a stray -  Pain is the first emotion Castiel, angel of the lord, feels. If only it had ended at pain. Castiel documents every new emotion that nestles its way into his stolen heart. As time passes, he realises how truly fucked he is, how human he has become.

best of both worlds -  Dean is very jealous, Cas is finally getting the love he deserves, AU Dean is a badass little bitch, Sam is done with y'all's shit.

through mine, you were looking in yours -  A missing scene from "The End". In which Dean realises things, another Dean struggles, and Cas is being just a bit of an asshole

when angels fall -  On a hunting accident gone wrong, Dean accidentally shoots a creature instead of a fleeing monster. The creature in question turns out to be Castiel, an angel assigned to the Winchester's, tasked with watching over them. The bullet, engraved and imbued with magical properties, clips Castiel’s wings and leaves him grievously injured and unable to return to heaven. As such, Dean takes him in and cares for him.

the savior, our wedding, & a pizza surprise -  As Castiel Winchester slept with his head resting in Dean’s lap in the Man of Letters bunker, Dean looked lovingly at two framed photographs proudly displayed on a nearby table and wistfully remembered how Dean had begged Jack to rescue Cas from the Empty, how elated he had been to have Cas back, how their relationship quickly escalated as if they were trying to make up for years of lost time, and what a spectacularly fun adventure their wedding and honeymoon had been. A kiss from Cas brought Dean back into the present, and is followed by a pizza surprise in a way which Sam hopes to never see photographic evidence of, although it sparked Eileen’s interest in receiving helpful tips from the infamous pizza man.

what is the truth -  Dean and Sam, after knowing about Huntercop and their other self from an another universe, were willing to help them to find a place in which they can stay. But suddenly, Castiel cames and met them too, and this other Dean can't stop to flirt with him. Our Dean is not so happy about it

again, i haven’t actually read any of these, just skimmed the summaries as i copy and pasted em. my taste is pretty specific and out of step w other ppl’s, but the ones i put in my marked for later list were something on your mind, the other sides of the story, doing life with me, psalm 40:2, just trying to shake off the shame, through mine, you were looking in yours, and when angels fall.