#and then it started making me spiral about everything even unrelated to it

[confettigraffiti]

I miss talking to my friends genuinely but also I have very much overstayed my welcome everywhere and it's too late (I got VERY annoying near the end + fell out of a major interest which didn't help. my bad yall 😔) I feel like I should remake at this point and just move on but also. move on to what

[xuchiya]

Idk if you're receiving requests, but I wanted to ask a hurt/comfort/fluff where reader is receiving so much hate on the internet and Wooyoung comfort her being the best person as he always been. I'm passing through a hard moment, and need this to feel a little better.

hi my loves, yes I'm always open for request! And I hope things will turn out better for you at the end of the day, don't lose hope okay? I hope this satisfy you, my loves.

"In Wooyoungie's arms" || jung wooyoung || one-shot

|genre: fluff. comfort. angst. idol! wooyoung. girlfriend! reader. |mentions: hate comments. insecurities.

The moment you met Wooyoung inside the company meeting room, the small talks and asserting of flirty words, and the casual walk from the near cafe to grab some drinks for the staff and the boys and the numerous dates he finally took you to.

And the sweet surrender of yes on the night of the countless date nights you both have.

Your life would have to turn over for the best and the worst. It wasn’t discussed within the team to publicise your relationship but fans being fans and their possessiveness with their idols can be a little over the notch as they found out about your relationship with the main dancer of Ateez. While they didn’t know your name or what you looked like—something you were grateful for. 

But it didn’t stop them from attacking you. Indirectly, sometimes directly, their words found a way to reach you.

The glow of your laptop screen felt colder than usual as the hateful comments piled up like bricks on your chest. Wooyoung had warned you about this, his words a mix of care and frustration. "They’re just meaningless words," he’d told you. "Don’t let them break you. They don’t know you like I do."

But the cruelty of their words was precisely the point—to drag you down, make you feel small and undeserving.

Each word you read felt like a dagger, sharp and unrelenting. You had become the topic of conversation for days, and despite your better judgment, you couldn't stop looking. Each glance at the screen chipped away at you, robbing you of your joy, your passion, and your sense of self. The comments weighed heavily on your mind, and over time, the pressure seeped into your body, manifesting in exhaustion and self-doubt.

Your hands gripped your sides as anger and sadness churned inside you. Why couldn’t you be like others your age? Successful, confident, with clear skin and even clearer paths to their futures. The questions spiraled, pulling you deeper into a haze of self-pity and despair.

When you feel your eyes start to burn from staring at the screen a little too long, your hands tremble as you close the browser, you could have avoided going through this but the damage is already done. You were so curious that it killed you. It sent doubt and despair. Tears blurred your vision, and your chest tightened with the weight of emotions you couldn't put into words.

A soft knock at the door broke the silence. 

"Y/N?" Wooyoung's familiar voice called out, gentle but laced with concern. "I brought snacks... Can I come in?"

You quickly wiped your tears, but it was too late. Wooyoung had already stepped inside, carrying a tray of your favorite treats. His expression softened the moment he saw your red eyes and trembling lips. Wooyoung had promised you along the time you were growing inside your relationship, to always provide assurance and no tears to shed. Unless they were happy tears.

"Hey," he whispered, placing the tray on your desk before kneeling in front of you. "What happened?"

You shook your head, trying to muster a smile, but it faltered under his gaze. He reached out, his hands warm and steady as they cupped your cheeks.

"Don't say it's nothing," he murmured. "I can see it, Y/N. Talk to me."

The dam broke, and everything spilled out. Between ragged breaths, you told him about the hateful comments, the overwhelming pressure, and the toll it was taking on you. Wooyoung listened intently, his thumbs gently brushing away your tears as you spoke. His heart ached watching you break down, seeing the vulnerable side of yours. His own heart breaking as he felt helpless in that moment when you’d been carrying these all alone. He pulled you into his arms as you finished, holding you as though you were the most precious thing in the world. 

When you finally finished, he pulled you into his arms, holding you like you were the most precious thing in the world. "Y/N, listen to me," he said, his voice firm but kind. "Those people don’t know you. Their words only have as much power as you let them have."

You clung to him, his warmth grounding you. "But it hurts, Wooyoung. It’s like they’re always waiting for me to mess up."

"I know it hurts," he said, his fingers threading through your hair soothingly. "And I wish I could shield you from all of it but what I know …" His fingers run down above your chest, pointing softly where your heart beats slowly. You look at him expectantly.

“The scars that carved your heart are what makes you feel alive.” He leaned back slightly, looking into your eyes with a soft smile. "You're not alone in this, okay? We’re a team. And if anyone has a problem with you, they’ll have to deal with me."

A small laugh escaped your lips despite the tears. "That sounds dangerous."

Wooyoung also let out a small laugh. A moment of silence made you both bask in each other's presence. Wooyoung brushed a stray hair behind your ear, his eyes staring at your shaking ones. His hand lands softly on your cheek, as you lean in on his warmth that made his chest bloom in admiration. 

His thumb caressing your cheek,  “Life comes with a lot of baggage and you don’t know which one carries the heaviest and which one has to go.” 

The tension in your chest eased in his words as Wooyoung picked up one of the snacks from the tray. "Now, let’s eat. You can’t fight internet trolls on an empty stomach."

You chuckled, taking the snack he handed you. "Thank you, Wooyoung. For everything."

"Always," he said, sitting beside you and wrapping an arm around your shoulders. "Now, let’s watch a movie or something. Something funny. No sad stuff allowed."

With Wooyoung by your side, the world felt a little less heavy, you allowed yourself to smile genuinely, knowing you were loved and supported by the best person you could ever ask for. 

And for the first time that day, you come to realize that life indeed has a lot in store for you, either you remove them from you or share them with people. You don’t have to carry what you can no longer hold on to, it’s time for you to realize that having them with you will only drag you down and slower. Find the time to declutter inside your mind and things will be easier for you. Time heals and scars rejoice. 

i hope this one helps, my loves.

[dystopicjumpsuit]

Hiatus announcement.

Hi friends. I've got some stuff I need to focus on in my personal life right now, and I'm not able to balance that with keeping up with Tumblr and Discord. I'll be taking a hiatus starting immediately. I'm not sure when I'll be back, but hopefully it won't be too long. If you have submitted a request for a fic, design, or artwork, please know I'll do my absolute best to fill it when I'm back, but for now, I need to be present in my real life.

I love you all, and I'll miss you, and I can't wait to come back! I'll put a few more details below the cut in case you're interested. CW for medical issues.

My partner has been unwell recently, and this week, we discovered that they have a blood clot in their leg. Further testing revealed they have a serious heart condition. Unfortunately, they also have a preexisting vascular condition that makes blood thinners risky, but their PCP went ahead and prescribed a three-month course of medication for the clot since it's an immediate issue. We are waiting to hear if insurance will cover the meds; apparently this prescription gets rejected by insurers frequently due to the cost. (Thinking about the fact that some analyst in a cubicle could decide that my partner's life is worth less than a three-month course of medication is making me feel absolutely sick.)

They have more appointments scheduled with a cardiologist and a vascular surgeon, so for now, we're just kind of stuck in limbo. Their PCP gave us a long list of, "If x happens, go to the emergency room immediately. If y happens, go to the emergency room immediately. If z happens - you guessed it - go to the emergency room immediately."

At this point, I'm still trying to come to terms with it. My partner just turned 44. We have an active lifestyle; we eat healthfully; we don't drink to excess. We just got fucked over by genetic risk factors.

The scariest part is that we wouldn't have found out about any of this if they hadn't gone to the doctor for a completely unrelated issue. I'm trying not to think about it too hard, or my imagination starts to send me into a spiral.

Please allow me to get sappy for a moment:

If you've read much of my work, you probably know my partner better than you might think, as they inspire a lot of my characterization, either directly or indirectly. If you enjoyed the way I wrote Waxer in "The Sixth Language" or Jesse in "In Which Jesse Gets What He Deserves," then you have a good idea of their personality. They are extraordinarily kind and patient, funny and sweet. They have been here for me consistently for twenty years, first as my friend, and later as my everything. They've held me when I cried, and they've made me laugh every single day since I met them. They know me better than anyone in the world, and I trust them with my soul.

They are the only person IRL who even knows that I write fanfiction, and they have read every single fic I've ever written. They've served as my guinea pig when I needed to work through the physical mechanics of a scene, and they've listened to me ramble for hours on end about plotting and characterization. They've supported and encouraged me in this and so many other areas, and now it's my turn to support them through this.

If you've read this far, I just want to say thank you for all the love, support, encouragement, and kindness you've given me over the past year. This fandom community has truly changed my life, and I am more grateful than words can communicate. I hope to see you all again very soon, hopefully with good news. But in the meantime, please know that I love you all.

May the Force be with you. 🩵

[st7arlight]

meet the sims-blackwood family!! this is set post-200 in a new world where the fears are weaker and more hidden in the shadows, but quickly building strength as more avatars and artifacts are born. meet blaire and not-adam, two students in jon’s homeroom and english class!

worldbuilding and brainstorm notes under the cut :D

the student ocs i created here are

-a transfem student who straight up doesnt have a name. you can call her anything but her deadname. its a fun game the class plays. it started as a gag but jon went “yeah okay ive seen weirder and kids deserve a chance to explore” so he comes up with a different name every day during roll call. shes v chaotic and inspired (personality wise, not funky name lore) by an irl friend of mine

-the student she has a crush on and is best friends with, an AP art student who uses they/she pronouns

they both eat lunch in Jon’s classroom, where they eventually notice that he never really eats much? just. reads a book in his free time, maybe has cereal bars occasionally

they form really close bonds with jon and he sponsors their lgbt club,,,, the second student realizes she’s agender when hes explaining the ace spectrum,,,,,, they come across The Horrors that were released when jmart moved on to Somewhere Else and he saves them,,,,,,,,, after they start to understand that “something spooky is here bc of mr sims but he was a victim in it” they sneakily start categorizing what they call “The Horrors” into 9 groups and get into shenanigans. they save jon at some point

their romance follows the plot of jmart’s but jon notices student B treating student A like he did martin at the start of the year and intervenes

so theyre healthier

(maybe jmart adopt student b, as they’re in a rlly unsafe home environment and thats why they started lashing out at their buddy)

at the beginning of the year student A knows shes trans but isnt sure what name to use. her buddy suggests not-adam (as she isnt suuuper uncomfy with her deadname, just that its too masc for her) so they call her that for a good bit and it comes up occasionally until they learn about the fears and the joke kinda. sours.

jon called her anything but that. not-adam thought it was because he didnt want to deadname her (and she insisted she was cool with it and thought it was funny) but she said that he can use a name that isnt adam, just not to stick to one bc she didnt want to feel boxed in

so the joke of her being anything but adam began

!!! WHAT IF NOT ADAM HAS AN ENCOUNTER WITH A STRANGER OBJECT THAT MAKES EVERYONE UNABLE TO SEE OR REMEMBER HER??? AND (character B) IS THE ONLY ONE WHO REMEMBERS HER BUT STILL CANT SEE HER!!!! AND THIS IS HOW JON REVEALS HE KNOWS STUFF ABOUT THE SUPERNATURAL

student b breaks down only a couple days in when she realized something was deeply, truly wrong, earing lunch (seemingly) alone with jon in his classroom. she says something with “not-adam” and “nobody remembers her but me” and jon’s trauma plus eye powers helps break his illusion, even though he doesnt remember her still

WHAT IF THIS IS AROUND WHEN NOT ADAM IS STARTING TO SEE HIM AS A FATHER

he adopts her bc she still legally doesnt exist and her family doesnt remember her , and its not like jmart already have fake identities anyways. they break the curse but everyone but B and Jon are completely wiped of her memory, just can finally see her now. its a mush of stranger, spiral, and lonely bc the horrors work different here

…she eventually settles on a name because she desperately needs to be reminded that they know her, they remember her, and that they remember all of her. (jon doesnt remember *everything* still, but most. every now and then she or B references something and they pause when they realize it was another memory lost to The Horrors)

oh also jon wears combat boots bc of daisy now. unrelated but important

im realizing my plan of them adopting B is a little funky with them adopting not-adam. however, unconventional found family prevails in tma. B just stays at their house most of the time bc she is neglected a lot at home so it usually isnt noticed when she disappears. theyre both 16 so fighting for custody when they can move out so soon is deemed too much stress on the teens. not-adam’s family actually are v loving and great, they just. dont remember NA. they dont remember how to love her, that they ever did

(thats why B needed to remember her. also, the effect intended of the horror was to torture NA until she died unnoticed and she will either be remembered by everyone when her body is found or will rot unseen until shes gone. or become an avatar, if she chose to embrace it. B was an intended victim of the leitner, the fear of nobody believing you and losing someone you love feed the Horrors)

(jon and his funky eye powers are likely the only reason NA didnt die)

in the end A picks the name astrid, but jon still calls her any name he can think of that starts with A when calling her down for food n stuff

anyways jmart unofficially adopting queer teens bc found family is so themcore but i *know* the fates would never allow them to do anything conventionally or fully legal

(all of this copy-pasted from me infodumping in a tma chat in the past couple hours)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for refusing to get back with an ex?

So i (21m) was in a poly relationship with S (21x) and J (24m) for about a year (so that would be when i was 20, S was 19 and J was 22)

Midway through the relationship i was going through some mental health shit so i kind of subconsciously distanced myself (my bad, i definitely shouldve been upfront about what was happening but i have vulnerability issues)

Dont get me wrong, i wasnt straight up neglectful or anything (to my knowledge?), but i really didnt go out with them as much as i used to (if one of us couldnt attend, the other two would go as a couple. It was more efficient like) and didn't really feel as much "honeymoon" intensity if that makes sense

I think its also important to note that once i was semi-able to pull myself out of my rut i decided to start these big art projects to show my appreciation for them and also kind of make up for my distance, like that shit took up my time and sleep and effort. i felt like i wanted to take the next step from casual dating to something actually serious with a future and everything because getting out of my spiral made me remember how much i loved them

So i called them up and found out that they kind of... kicked me off the polycule?? It was this weird situation where they thought I was leaving them behind so they also fully moved in together and started acting like a regular couple without me. obviously i was pissed, and S apologized and tried to communicate which i really appreciate, but J was just doubling down blaming me. At the time i was so angry i turned it into a full out yelling match

I realized it wasnt healthy nor working out and broke it off fully, telling S we could still be friends but cutting J off entirely. I gave all J's shit that was still at my place back to S, blocked J's number and scrapped my project altogether

Fast forward to present day, and im in a completely unrelated relationship with two people i love with all my heart, and by this time ive healed and mended my relationship with S enough that i thought we could start over and add them to the polycule (to be clear my current partners like them too and are on board). We did do that, it's going great and i'm remembering why i loved S so much in the first place

The issue is that S is still with J, and while J doesn't have any issues with both of us separately dating S, S wants all of us to reunite again for old times sake and its very obvious that theyre still holding onto the old versions of us and what we used to be. I say no, i dont even like J anymore and havent spoken to him in forever so why the hell would i care?? Ive grown and changed so much in the time after our relationship that i wouldnt even fit into the nostalgic mold that you want me to be a part of and i dont think J would either

The thing is J does also seem like hes interested in starting over. S said he's grown a lot since, but i think our personalities just dont mesh and ive also just fallen fully out of love with him. It seems to break S's heart, but they get it and don't bother me about it anymore. On the other hand J respects my decision but is still like passive aggressively annoyed about how seriously i took it, saying it was mostly my fault and i took drastic measures for nothing.

Aita?

What are these acronyms?

[zuzsenpai]

personal post. sorry there's been so many lately. politics mention. verbal abuse mention

Wednesday was rough for A LOT of people, no doubt about it. I was upset and spent the day scrolling through tumblr and talking to friends, grasping at whatever positive messages I could find. A lot of those messages about surviving and living in spite of everything... they did help me. I didn't feel good by the end of the day, but I at least felt loved.

So my mom is 65 and has undiagnosed and unmedicated depression. She's retired and spends a lot of time trying to fill her life with exercise, loom weaving, bible study, book clubs, etc. But she's not a happy person by any means and I can't remember a time in my 36 years of life when she was upbeat or positive in any way. She had a tumultuous childhood filled with a lot of yelling and she had a few traumatic incidents as an adult that she's never gone to therapy for and never will. My mom and I have had pretty bad fights over the years about various things I won't get into, but things had been generally calm recently.

So anyway, on Wednesday evening my dad was out at a basketball game so my mom was alone. I went over there just to kind of be a presence in the house. It was fine for a while, until she brought up the election. She quickly became extremely distraught and started sobbing about how our current government will be overthrown and the US will be a dictatorship and there's nothing to live for. Which, okay. I get it. There are very real possibilities of that happening. But I wanted to try and calm her down. I told her some of the things I had been seeing all day about how they want us to be miserable and have no hope. There are still things to live for and we have to hold those things close. That if I decide to declare everything is over right here and now, then I would have to accept that the rest of my life is going to be miserable forever.

Well she wasn't having any of that. She was very clearly spiraling. I made the colossal mistake of telling her I thought she was catastrophizing and wanted her to calm down. The words came out of my mouth before I could think rationally about what I was saying. Because like... of all days for anyone to be allowed to be distraught and rightfully catastrophize things, Wednesday was it. I just hated seeing her so upset and I guess I wanted it to end.

Well she started screaming at me, which is her right, because I was a shithead. She asked if I thought she didn't have the right to be upset. I tried to apologize and say that of course she has a right to be upset. I just wanted to make it better somehow. She screamed at me to get out of the house. So I left.

I felt like I got my hand burned. I went home and cried until I fell asleep, because I hated how I treated her. It was not lost on me that I was treating her exactly how she's always treated me every time I got upset around her, over the course of my entire life. Instead of listening or being sympathetic, she would try to "fix" the problem, or tell me I'm just crying because I want sympathy, or tell me I'm overreacting. I was told I was overreacting A LOT as a kid and teen. I never got sympathy from her. Ever.

My dad texted me about something unrelated about an hour ago, asking me to pick something up at their house. This was the first time I'd spoken with either of them since that incident on Wednesday. I responded by saying I was concerned about coming over because I was worried mom was angry with me. He told me she's "over it", which... who knows if that's true. There are seemingly minor things I've said to her that she takes to heart and brings up for decades. So you'll have to excuse me if I don't believe she's "over it". Then my dad said:

"Remember she gets emotional then feels bad about it later. You just have to be careful about telling her not to be upset about something. Apparently that happened a lot when she was young."

Yeahhh..... so now I feel even more like shit, and like I said something she's going to take to heart forever. In hindsight, I should have been sympathetic. I know people in her childhood household yelled at each other a lot. I guess it's not a huge leap to think that she was verbally abused and told her emotions weren't valid. I just.... wish that cycle didn't continue from her to me... and apparently now from me back to her. I am notorious for having a hard time thinking before speaking. So uhhhhh I really need to do better.

[borderline-culture-is]

(MAJOR CW: RAPE, ABLEISM, THE MELANIE MARTINEZ AND PUMPKIN THE GENTLEMAN SITUATIONS, SUICIDE THREATS, PSYCH WARDS) --- bpd culture is making a tony crynight discord server out of spite because nobody in the already-existing server seems to understand wtf having bpd is actually like and how to properly communicate boundaries with someone who has bpd

Context:

(disclaimer: some details may be inaccurate because I don't 100% remember what happened, and I'm trying to recall it to the best of my ability)

in the first server, I was talking about the pumpkin the gentleman situation because I was frustrated at how people were handling it(mainly through unneeded jokes about a particular video that had nothing to do with the overall situation), and at first, everyone was agreeing with me on what I said, but after I brought up the melanie martinez situation (because the same shit was happening to that situation too, mainly calling her "felony fartinez" and the ungodly amount of rape threats getting thrown around), they started to switch up on me and even started to make jokes about the ptg situation themselves just to confirm that their opinion changed.

Frustrated, I ended up leaving the server and blocking a few people that were in the server, splitting from them in the process, and I was left emotionally dysregulated for the rest of the day afterwards.

A few hours later, I unblocked one of my friends and apologized to him for what happened, and he said I was allowed to come back as long as I didn't talk about the ptg situation because everyone was uncomfortable with talking about it entirely.

Now, I know this probably sounds unreasonable, and I'm not saying he was in the wrong for this because he didn't know what happened himself, but I feel like the people in the server should've just communicated beforehand that they weren't comfortable with the discussion of the ptg situation, instead of pretending to agree up untill the mention of the melanie martinez situation, because that just sounds like they switched up on me to trigger me on purpose, so naturally, that set me off, like a lot.

So I got back on the server and started mass-blocking everyone, and then I left after that. The stress from that + some unrelated stuff that was going on sent me into a spiral that led to me threatening to kill myself (and just to clarify: when it happened I was experiencing suicidal urges, so yes, I was actually gonna go through with it). I put an end date in my bio on all of my social medias and left it at that.

Two of the people from the server tried messaging me, but because i was in a split from them, I told them to fuck off and leave me alone. This will be important later.

I'm just honestly lucky that I had an irl friend who was staying the night that day, because they saw what was going on and went to check up on me, same with my mom and sister. That, and also seeing ptg's apology video where he explained a few things and took accountability for the things he did wrong, helped me calm down and regulate to a point where I could think logically. Realizing what I just did, I decided that maybe it was time for me to get help.

So after a bit, I came back to the server and apologized for what happened, and let everyone know that I was voluntarily admitting myself to the psych ward because I realized the mental state I was in was getting worse.

Let's just say people weren't too happy about it, because they all started to chew me out, mostly through condescending comments and yelling at me over what happened. This caused me to dysregulate again, and I tried everything I could to get them to understand what I was going through, while repeatedly saying that I was sorry because I didn't want the friends I genuinely cared about to leave me (abandonment issues am I right). I brought up how I was getting admitted to the psych ward, and one of them said "great for you" in a condescending tone, just as an example of the condescension being thrown around in there. They were also telling me that I was trying to manipulate them because of the amount of times I said "i'm sorry."

one of my friends was trying to de-escalate the situation, but the people in the server kept pushing and making it worse. I eventually left the server crying, and the friends in question was comforting me the whole time, which helped me a lot.

I took some time to reflect on what happened while I was at the ward, and even after I was discharged, and after a few weeks, I realized that it wasn't entirely my fault, and in fact, it's no big surprise why I did what I did.

the people in the server manipulated me into believing that I could trust them with whatever opinion I had in mind, and then they decided to switch up on me with no warning, triggering me into an episode that led me to do something bad and out of character (because before this I haven't threatened myself since 2023), and then they blamed me for what happened, further worsening my mental state.

If that doesn't sound like reactive abuse, idk what does.

The reason why I say that is because they KNEW I had bpd, I disclosed it to everyone the same day I got diagnosed, and they all acted supportive of it, and then used that to their advantage when I was at my most vulnerable to emotional dysregulation.

Of course, I'm aware that threatening suicide isn't okay regardless, and it's triggering for some people, but at the same time, I couldn't think logically when it happened, so obviously I acted in a way that was unreasonable. I am trying to work on myself a bit more to prevent something like that from happening again, and I'm also taking mood stabilizers to help with the emotional dysregulation.

I'm just extremely frustrated at how stigmatized BPD is, because I feel like what happened was because of the stigma, and what they did just basically contributed to it, and I also feel like some of them were uneducated about bpd, which also contributed to what happened. But overall i'm still shaken from what happened, and I'd rather not be associated with that server anymore.

They did end up banning me after what happened, so in retaliation, I made my own server, which has better security measures and more strict rules regarding ableism and triggering content than the last one. A few of my friends are currently in that server, and I'm planning to publish the official link for it here on Tumblr and on youtube after I post this.

Constructive criticism on this question is welcome, because I want to know if I was in the wrong here, and if so if there are things I can do to improve myself should I be in another situation like this.

All I can say anymore is this: Niko, go fuck yourself. <3

.

[subway-boss-jericho]

SORRY ABOUT STEADY TRACKS if u want I can… send an ask in about it… if it would help… maybe… 

Going on the coupled (Uncoupled) post- struggling to communicate turning into an Issue that makes it Harder to communicate but then the characters realizing they Really Have To Communicate and Doing so even tho it’s hard is. So good. It’s especially interesting here with emmet kinda dealing with trying to figure out how to reverse the fusion Without any real input from ingo. 

(I do freaking feel you Emmet. Forgetting that people have you Explicit Permission and Freaking out despite being aware they knew the risks. Man. It’s rough.) 

Love seeing stories about their relationship. How much do you love your brother? How well do you know him? Just how far would you go? … could you forgive yourself? Could he..?

Mmmmm tasty. Especially since the answer is often “yes” jejdjdnenidjx

It’s also nice to see a story where initially trying something that seems like a good solution didn’t work! And possibly made the situation worse! (Or perhaps is exactly what they needed to get talking with one another) 

No one is perfect! It’s so fun to see what these two characters who love each other would do. 

On that- I. Feel you incredibly hard about the romantic aspects of “love”. It’s… very sad to see how little people feel friends can do with one another without it being “romantic” in nature. Even more so for siblings. I’ve also written fics where I read it back and I’m like “will people misinterpret this? Will they think that this is wrong?” And it sucks. It really does. (I usually put a “this is Not romantic in nature” and have to trust that people won’t assume things.

“I can't really control what other people will think, say, or do. I just hope they don't get me involved”

as you said, about sums it up.) 

(ok now. Gimme a sec to whip up something for two left hands jejdjsjdnbxns)

Don't worry about it! Firstly, you can do whatever you want forever <3 Secondly, it is never anyone else's fault if my brain switches tracks. I mentioned Coupled (Uncoupled) offhand on a totally unrelated ask and then hyperfixated on them for the rest of the week sdjhgsdg That's just how my brain does stuff sometimes, which is the real reason why working on big long-term projects (in this case, Steady Tracks) take a while. Thirdly, this is the most anyone who doesn't know me personally has ever interacted with any of my not-steady tracks AUs, so please know that I would go through the trenches on your behalf

I got mentally ill again + was busy the next day so I blame my delay in answering this ask on getting so excited that I genuinely didn't know how to respond right away ksjdhgsdgh

So hard to write good conflict! So funny when I look back on how I write conflict and it ends up being inextricably tied to my life experiences 🤣 (wheeze) Art can tell you a lot about the artist?? really? that's crazy who would have guessed /j /s The struggle with him trying to reverse fusion is the first "major arc" that I mentioned on one of the other posts. It's one of the shortest ones, thankfully, yet also has an extremely dense angst content sjkdgsdg Unfortunately it's easy to spiral when you believe everything going wrong is your fault. it's a bit hard for me to talk about much more without starting to spoil the story and I'm trying so hard not to 😂 The love was always there! It always has been and always will be! But Emmet needs to stop feeling guilty so he can accept that love and move on, and Ingo is going to keep doing his best to try and communicate + show support in the meantime.

The splicers initially making things worse is definitely one of the funnest parts of the AU for me :] it was supposed to help Emmet feel more secure, and yet instead it made everything way more complicated + made him feel way less secure... I can't pretend to be normal, I'm very fucked up about them

🤝I won't drag out the romantic/platonic discussion because I know it makes people uncomfortable to discuss- more than fair, it makes ME uncomfortable to discuss -but hell yeah solidarity. It's at least nice to be able to voice my stance on it, since I feel like it's hard to even bring up in the fandom. I love a civil discussion about hard topics :D love setting boundaries. Peace and love

Thank you as always for the asks!! 🌠✨

Coupled (Uncoupled)Masterpost

[sarahscribbles]

It might be Valentine's Day this week, but tomorrow is the vastly superior Galentine's Day and I couldn't let it pass without showing all my amazing computer friends how important you all are to me. I'm so grateful for you all and the porn we all share together. It warms my heart like nothing else.

I've written you all a lil something because I love you all so, so much

Love, Saz 💕

@cake-writes I begrudgingly recognise that you are a pal, even if you bully me relentlessly. My only issue is that you live so far away in upside down land so I can't see your eccentric gay ass in person. You have been an amazing friend to me over the past year and helped me through some really dark times. Talking with you makes my day and any time we don't talk for whatever reason, I'm always by my phone like "I miss Bri." I love you so much and I hope you feel it all the way in Oz.

@the-lady-amphitrite Amphi, you know how much I adore you. I can't go a single day without speaking to you and I wouldn't ever want to. I don't know what I did to deserve you as a friend, but I am giving thanks to the universe that our paths crossed. You are unhinged, but in the best way that I would never want to change. You listen to me be a whore 99.9% of the time (and also in the other 0.1% where I'm ranting/crying/exploding over something completely unrelated), and I get to be one of the first people to hear what goes on in that whorish brain of yours. You are a joy to know and I wouldn't choose anyone else to be an unhinged whore with.

@muertawrites My OG Tumblr pal. The one and only first friend. I would be lost without you always in my corner and always encouraging me to be the best whore I can be. You're always ready to drop everything to listen to me vent about my Latest Problem and I don't tell you enough how much I appreciate it. You are so strong and so amazing and damn if I'm not lucky to have someone like you on the other end of a DM while we go through the horrors of figuring out our 20s. I love you so much!

@muddyorbsblr One of my New Friend Recruits that I'm endlessly grateful for. Talking with you is like being wrapped in a warm blanket while drinking hot chocolate. You're absolutely an enabler but I wouldn't have it any other way! You're so encouraging with my porn even though it's killed you multiple times and I appreciate your dedication to the cause. You never fail to provide the filth and I thank you for that. You're hilarious and fantastic and talented and I'm so glad I get to call you my friend!

@cheekyscamp AYOOO my fellow rear enthusiast! You are also completely unhinged daily in my DMs but I actively encourage this! And the talent you possess?! Outstanding! You have a freaking heart of gold and Lord am I glad you decided you wanted to interact with my dumb ass! I love whoring out with you even if I do lose a little bit of my sanity each time. I can't wait to see what this friendship brings!

@springdandelixn My Beans! You are just all round amazing and talented and fierce and I love you so, so much. You've listened to all my silly vents without complaint and been the voice of reason every single time that's saved me from spiralling and making a mountain out of a molehole. I don't know what I would do without you! You're always ready to throw hands on my account and I want to send you the biggest, tightest hug for being on my side. Keep on moosin'!

@joyful-enchantress Steph, my love! You've been with me since almost day one of my Loki days and I'm so glad of it! I don't think you have a bad bone in your body, and I am so infinitely grateful for all the support you've given me (including photos of London when I've been feeling down)! I always love talking with you and hearing the filthy ideas that come out of your head, and I'm so thankful that you decided to start writing and let us see how talented you are! You're a wonderful person inside and out!

@mochie85 Mochie, you are a delight! Honestly, I couldn't find one bad thing to say about you if someone paid me to. You are endlessly supportive and uplifting and beautiful and so damn talented! How did I get so lucky to have so many talented friends? You're someone I look up to and try to be like - effortlessly kind and just an all round good egg. I love you so much, my dear!!

@give-me-a-moose Cas, I love you so much. You might not know it, but HoC got me out of such a bad writing slump last year, so I credit you with the filth that followed! You have been so supportive both with my writing and with other shit that's been going on and I can't thank you enough for everything you've done for me! I know I keep parroting this, but you're amazing and I'm so lucky to have you as a friend. You can make me laugh so easily and reading about your work escapades always puts me in a good mood (praying that you find your museum dad soon)!

@lokisgoodgirl I know we only talk sporadically and briefly (and even then it hasn't been without some bumps), but it's plain as day that you have a good heart (and an equally filthy mind that we're all thankful for). You're the reason I've met so many wonderful people on here and I'm so thankful for it. I can only hope that there are no more bumps along the way because you're the type of person that everyone needs in their life. (Though I'm still going to beat you at that dance off).

@fictive-sl0th Camille, you are without a doubt one of the kindest souls I have ever met. You are a human rainbow! Anytime I see you in my notifications my mood increases by 110% because I know it's going to be something that will make me smile (something you have never yet failed to do)! I want to bottle you up and keep you with me all the time! You're wonderful and talented and a little ray of light in so many people's lives!

@simplyholl You've been in my notifications from almost day one of the Loki shenanigans so I've considered you a friend for a very long time! I don't know how someone can be equal parts incredibly sweet and a complete whore but you manage to do it perfectly! You've also supported me through so much shit and I can't thank you enough for it. I'm sending you a massive hug (I'd send you Loki if I could) for everything you've done for me over the past ? years. You are a wonderful human being!

@maple-seed Maple, you are also completely unhinged and I adore it. You make me laugh so much and when your name pops up in the server my first thought is "oh yeah this gonna be good!" You're another New Friend Recruit that I'm glad to have in the ranks! You deserve all the good things (because you are a good thing) and I love you so much!

@loopsisloops I freaking adore you, Loops! You keep me feeling young and hip, but also prevent the whore in me from dying with all the thirst traps and photos you never run out of! You're a sweetheart with a heart of gold and I hope everyone in your life knows how amazing you are. (If they treat you than anything less than amazing I will fight them)!

@kinky-faerie I am so glad you have managed to find your way into my corner of this hellsite. You are full of filth and I wouldn't have it any other way! I love nothing more than checking this app first thing in the morning and seeing your name in my inbox because I know it's going to set the horny mood for the rest of the day! You are my favourite kinky lil fairy!

@lokiprompts You are so strong and amazing I can't put it into proper words. You never fail to be positive and supportive and every compliment you've given me has made me grin like a complete idiot. I hope you get all the love you deserve and all the love you put out into the universe because you deserve it tenfold!

@coldnique Girl, you are just all kinds of lovely! You have such a kind heart and I couldn't find one bad thing to say about you. You're always popping up with your hilarious comments when I need a little bit of a mood booster and my day instantly improves! I'm so freaking grateful that you're one of my Regulars now and just know that I adore you!!

@holymultiplefandomsbatman my fellow sub!Loki enthusiast! You are a delight to know and an amazing friend to have. Your mind is wonderful as are you as a person! You are so incredibly smart and capable and I wish you knew that! I'll tell you every single day if I have to. There's nothing you can't do and I fully believe you are going to shake the world! How you manage to find time to write such amazing filth while also being a bad bitch getting your degree is beyond me and I bow to you! You are going to do amazing things, I have no doubt! I love you so incredibly much and I can't wait to see what amazing filth that brain of yours comes up with next!

[fallenwhumpee]

Why howdy!! 'Tis I, :D anon, unable to resist the call of the arrow that has struck me thusly. Anyway here you go :)) dw I have put one (1) bandaid on the wound upon removal. I see no way that can go wrong.

-

In Leader's defense, Teammate looked like shit.

What else were they supposed to do? They were the captain, after all, and Teammate did just recover from a nasty infection. They couldn't risk catching the bug going around this time of year. So of course Leader coaxed them into their bedroom, quietly making sure Caretaker kept an eye on them while they took Teammate's work into their own hands.

(Besides, if Caretaker was busy with Teammate, that meant they couldn't pester Leader with stuff like "resting" and "holy shit, Leader, put the coffee down!" as if either were viable options.)

The clock on their desk had been turned face down. The term "plausible deniability" flit through their head. They slammed a metaphorical flyswapper on it immediately.

No light was filtering through their curtains anymore, but that was fine. The sun was setting early these days, anyway. Besides, the reports weren't going to do themselves. Teammate's portion was finally finished, and they set it aside to do their own work.

(If they winced as they moved, nobody was there to see it.)

It was standard stuff they expected to see after being rescued: injury reports, health leave, etc, etc. It was all perfectly mundane deskwork, especially in comparison to what Whumper had--

No, nope, not thinking about that. Focus, Leader, they scolded themself. Deep breath in, deep breath out. If they had to do it through their mouth and ignore their screaming ribs, then so be it.

Distantly, they were aware that if any other member of the team tried to pull this sort of stunt, they would've suspended them from their duties and put them on bedrest faster than Whumper could--

No! They weren't supposed to be thinking about that! They shouldn't. Just head down, focus on their work. If they couldn't even do that, how else could they help their team? No, they couldn't give into that weakness. It was just a report. They could do this without having to stifle these irrational thoughts about-- about the past few months. They had to, or they'd spiral, and that would do nobody any favours.

Getting up only to dim the lights (to save power, they told themself. It had nothing to do with their head), Leader continued to work as the moon climbed higher into the sky, trading places with the sun.

(And if they simply curled up on the floor of their office after finishing the report, unable to make it to their room... well, hopefully nobody would notice.)

-

Tada :)) first snippet of the new year I suppose :D happy new year btw!! Gotta love starting my new year with some leader whumpees who try too hard

Also, totally unrelated to the whole "struck by an arrow" thing, but is it just me or is the room spinning

Hi, dear anon!

Oh wow. Just... just the hypocrisy. The hypocrisy and denial. Those two things will never fail to give me good whumperflies. And overworking can always distract you from every unpleasant thought crawling through the edges of your brain. Focusing on something is like putting a shadow or drawing a curtain over everything. They still stay there, but you don't see, only until your eyes get used to dark— starting to do the job automatically in this case. And sleeping on the floor is awful, they will be so sore when they wake up (with a nightmare would be delicious, but poor leader seems to have enough demons to deal with, since it's possible that they will feel guily about not completing the work anyway)

Happy New Year to you, too! You chose the best way to start the year :) I also posted traitor as my first writing of the year hehehe.

Please go lay down! I may not be a mama bear like a caretaker but I won't stop bullying a friend to rest/sleep/eat/get hydrated. If you hadn't done any of that in the last two hours, go and do it. Take care of yourself, please.

[mugiwara--ya]

heyyy hi a little life/med update !!

ive been super super busy these past couple weeks w a ton of socialization etc and ngl i think i burned myself out lol last night after we got back home from a con (and the bar stop after it) i had a massive shutdown that lasted hours and im still reeling from it, but ANYWAYS!! med update med update wooo

so! on top of the lifesaving bupropion ive been taking all year & the eszopiclone for sleep i finally !! got put on something for my ocd, lets give it up for fluoxetine to join my beautiful, beautiful cocktail, mwah 💖💝💗💕💞💓

i know it supposedly takes a few weeks to fully Work but im already feeling a MASSIVE difference right off the bat, like yesterday i was at the mall and i ✨ touched the escalator's handrail ✨ i was literally so excited i kept looking at my hand going yoooooo im DOING it im making it HAPPEN like even my friends congratulated me on it kdsfjhakjg it felt silly but massive at the same time lol and of course i still immediately disinfected my hands but the important thing is that I Did It

and idk its like!!! i knew it was BAD like especially these past few months its been just. VIOLENTLY out of control but god the absolute relief ive been feeling is making me feel like i was still grossly underestimating it, it had completely taken over my life. right now its like, i encounter any random trigger and i brace myself for the anxiety spiral to come and then it DOESN'T and its so ??? like i still have The Thought but then i just go "ok" and dismiss it like an annoying notification and thats IT, while the last time i was on therapy i literally described my ocd as having hundreds of those cymbal-banging monkey toys of different sizes just sitting there in my brain Waiting and every single time i got triggered one of them would start losing its absolute shit - for example if im at the supermarket, on top of the everything about existing as an autistic person at the supermarket, thered be like a dozen of them constantly going ALERT ALERT CONTAMINATION CONTAMINATION EEK EEK DANGER DANGER BANG BANG BANG- and now the monkeys r GONE. get turned into mostly-dismissable phone notifs, idiots !!!!!!!!!

the only monkey im willingly keeping!!!!! is the low poly 3d model of monkey d. luffy constantly rotating in my brain <3 kfngskjdfs

also like i still do like, say, my cleaning rituals when i get back home, but idk i just. i feel Normal about it?? like calmly wiping my phone bc phones r Gross and not bc i literally see a green film of Germs And Various Pathogens enveloping it lol. anddd i havent been attacked by violent intrusive thoughts in a minute !! lets see if it stays that way. im generally super sensitive to medications too so im on low doses of everything and i wanna keep it like that lol so heres to hoping it keeps goin like this so i dont have to up my dose 8)

uhh thats about it ! having a bit of Personal Issues tm at the moment tho but im so relieved abt my ocd i kinda have the bandwidth to deal with them lol. i prolly jus need some sleep quiet and to not be perceived by anyone for a solid week.

in other lighter and unrelated news my queue is completely empty rn so it'll be just a liiiittle quiet around here for a bit but ! yeah. also i just watched the latest op anime episode and urhgrhghrghrgh it was so good hhh <3333 so yah if you read this whole thing i am giving you a little kiss on the forehead, mwah, hope you have a great week !!

[magnorious]

Frozen 2 is still a sequel that exists

Requested by @valentinerose529

If Disney released the BTS of all their terrible movies and bravely showed how such nonsensical plots came to be, with the best of intentions by the creators, people might have a softer take on disappointments like this. Frozen 2 isn’t a movie I was waiting for (certainly not for six years). I wasn’t a little kid obsessed with Elsa and I got really tired of all the music really quickly.

The only thing about this movie I was excited for was the new music, and based on the BTS, that’s the only thing they were banking on. So, with that in mind, this movie is just so confused with what it wants to be, I can’t even be mad at it for existing. It’s not the cultural juggernaut the original was, it came and went without much pain and hopefully there won’t be a third.

I probably have the same burning question so many other people who don’t like this movie have: You had five years to write this movie, and this is what you did with it?

There's certainly things I have problems with: Kristoff's stupid "Lost in the Woods," rinsing and repeating the "Elsa freaks out and vanishes and Anna must go save her (or nearly die trying)," plot, the botched twist reveal of the rewritten history, the underbaked development with the mom character to the point where Elsa was bawling at the sight of her during "Show Yourself" and I just did not care because the movie didn't do enough to make me care, and the self-depricating references to the hype of the original, making fun of fans' earnest enjoyment of an insanely popular movie, was in poor taste.

—

Unlike Pixar’s bad movies, where the plots beats and story elements are so interconnected that certain pieces can’t really be good in isolation, this movie actually does have really strong individual moments—the songs (“Into the Unknown” is still my favorite), Anna’s depressive spiral in the cave, the concept of the rewritten history, the new character designs, the concept of elemental winter spirits and Elsa being one of them—these are all great in isolation.

Put them together and they’re a hot mess. They wrote, performed, animated, and edited all the songs before settling on a story, and thus had to write their story around these really unrelated songs (quite similar to the first one, actually), and this is the result. It’s not a bad movie in that it’s unwatchable. It’s disappointing, confusing, and a little underwhelming. It’s not awful, because it’s not pretending that it’s amazing. It knows what it is, unlike the first one.

Thus, I don’t have strong opinions about it. I will still rewatch “Into the Unknown” on YouTube and everything with AURORA in it is great. The movie started out very strong, they just should have picked one of those plot threads to go with and make it a streamlined plot instead of mashing all these conflicting beats together.

The elemental spirits, the backstory with their mom that was sorely missing in the original, this uncreatively-named Enchanted Forest, the rewritten history—all of these deserved their own movies. Mashing them together like this leaves all of them underbaked and the story very scatterbrained. Heck, I’m shocked Disney hasn’t created a Frozen TV show to explore all those ideas and slapped it on Disney +. A little six-episode limited series, perhaps even with cheap 2D animation to plop your kids and die-hard Disney Adults down in front of for three hours.

The movie is better than the ride at Epcot, though, I’ll give it that.

[ysabelmystic]

My brain is building dream lore again

I don't remember if I posted this before but if I did that post is lost to the void of tumblr's broken navigation so I guess I'm starting from the top.

So back in fucking August,I had a dream that felt extremely real and made perfectly good sense until I thought about it, but even after thinking about it, it did have something of a coherent plot-line.

I was back in college getting my English degree (but not the college I went to), and the year was 1981. For reasons related to Ursula K LeGuin that I do not recall, my professor made us do this project that involved digging up the corpses of two famous philosophers/politicians/writers/etc and somehow relate/compare the state of their decomposition to their ideologies. For the second part, we had to dig up two more people (famous or no), who's existences somehow contrasted the ideals of the first two. Then we would analyze their corpses and write a paper about the whole thing. We did this in groups of four.

Now we were all very anxious about doing this, but this was worth a large percentage of our grade. Our professor assured us that we wouldn't be caught if we stole the bodies and buried them at another site since it would somehow be easier to make the graves look undisturbed. My group picked a new burial spot in the middle of the woods about five miles away from a small suburb (and unrelated until the sequel, one mile away from a haunted baseball field). We got a change of clothes, plastic bags, a bunch of cleaner, etc, and set out to acquire the corpses. Because dream-logic, the first body we stole was the partially mummified corpse of Immanuel Kant. Two stayed behind to clean up. Me and another person transported the bodies and after documenting our findings and taking photos for the other two, we buried them.

The next month was uneventful, but when it came time to gather the second pair, things started falling apart. We decided that the corpses we would gather were a famous ballet dancer (name unknown) and a random child. Of course, two people were very conflicted about this, and were very upset when my partner and I chose to dig up the old graves and throw the new bodied on top of the old ones. There was a big fight, but ultimately, we left, wrote our papers, turned everything in....everything was fine.

Until two weeks later, someone found the bodies. The police were sure it was a prank for some reason, so were taking a while to investigate, but word had gotten around that some kids had found four crosses in the middle of the woods.

Because someone had gone back and put crosses at the graves. So of course, we started spiraling into paranoia and arguing about who did it. One person wanted to confess to the police. They "committed suicide" that night, and the next morning, another group member vanished. This left me and my grave-digging partner.

We decided that since it was inevitable that the police would find the bodies, we decided that the best way to clear our names would be to frame the English professor. So we went back to the graves, dug up the bodies, did a little extra dismemberment to make it more manageable, and drove them to our professor's house.

We took one arm per person. The door was unlocked so we let ourselves in. We went to the professor's bathroom and closet and started touching everything with the corpse-arms. Unfortunately, his wife was there. Fortunately, they were in the middle of a divorce. I came up with the idea to say that I was having explosive diarrhea and was in the area, and she believed it (and was happy to let me wreck his bathroom).

We finished our work and then went outside. It was trash day so the cans were on the curb, and our professor's was only half-full. We started throwing the bodies in when my professor pulled up in his car. Again, we were lucky. He was drunk. My partner said we were cleaning up Halloween decorations that his wife had thrown on the lawn, and he bought it. The trash truck drove by and picked up the bodies, and my partner and I made out aggressively by the empty trashcans. Then, we fled to Canada, and then I woke up.

(Unrelated but my professor's deranged son who ate wires tried to fight us but ended up chasing the trash truck because he smelled old TVs).

Now, in theory, this would be the end of it. But sometimes my brain likes to incorporate old elements to the level that I now have "dream lore". This ended up being one of those times.

PART 2

Halfway on our ride to Canada, we decided that we were probably being hasty, and it wasn't worth it to abandon our grades for the semester. After all, we still had finals to take.

When we got back, the case progressed quite slowly. The police did eventually visit the graves, but since we had refilled the holes after digging up the bodies, they found nothing except a couple of scraps of clothing and a single tooth. This didn't give them much to work with, so though an investigation was opened, they didn't have an immediate explanation. We took our finals, got our degrees, graduated. Because the investigation had caused housing prices in the nearby suburb to tank, we bought a house there. In fact, we bought an oddly-built 3-story house at the edge of the woods. It was obscenely cheap, but was also covered in Mickey Mouse and Elvis memorabilia, so we figured that that was why it had been empty for years.

Of course, anyone who's ever seen a horror movie knows where this is going. That shit was haunted. We were having nightmares. The mickey mouse heads would start singing Elvis songs at random. Cabinets were flying open...it was a whole thing. More interestingly, the baseball field had been recently abandoned. No one knew why, except it was now covered in a mess of tall, very aggressive weeds and grass and anyone who went there got the intense feeling of impending doom. Hikers who used the woods also reported becoming anxious and disoriented, sometimes waking up in completely different areas.

(Fun fact: the haunted baseball field has appeared at least three other times in my dreams. I believe this instance is the earliest in the timeline, as later instances have a much more post-apocalypse kind of vibe)

It seemed fairly obvious that clearly, something was up with the graves. At this point, a few months had passed. The police weren't really watching the crime scene. It was fairly safe to investigate. So we took our gear and went off in the middle of the night to do some digging.

We didn't expect to exhume bodies, but lo and behold, we got about a foot down into each grave's surface when the bodies appeared. It wasn't our original bodies either. There was just a mass of corpses, and they were all spilling out...like y'know in Minecraft if you spawn a bunch of mobs in a box and then once you open the box they kinda explode out? That's what it was like. It was weird as hell. Then, naturally, it got really cold, and we became extremely anxious. Suddenly, we were in the center of the baseball field. The sky was completely black. No stars, no moon, nothing. Just a never-ending field. A large black dog materialized out of nowhere, but it did not attack us. Instead, it delivered its terms.

I don't remember the exact details, but basically, the whole area, especially that house, was already haunted as fuck. By transplanting the bodies we'd picked up Bad Vibes. By digging up the earth, we'd allowed a place for evil spirits to manifest in the land. By moving into the house, we'd heightened the power of the spirits. This was all linked to some spiritual fuckery that an occult organization had performed at the university. The only way they (and we) could be released was by finding diamonds and gold-dust on university property, a specific coin that could only be given by catholic priests, and a small disk picturing a woman in a white dress playing in a field with her dog that was hidden on the 8th floor of the school library...which didn't technically exist).

Because dream logic, we decided that the best way to find precious gems/metals on the university property would be to pan for gold. It was winter break, so the campus was mostly empty. My roommate agreed to search the grounds. I still had a library pass, and there was some legend about there being gold hidden in the dustiest of library books, so I figured out some way to pan for the stuff without damaging the books.

When I arrived, I ended up using some back entrance instead of the main entrance. I hadn't seen that entrance before, but maybe it was a shortcut, right?

(Fun fact: The library near the has appeared several times but gets increasingly stranger and more decrepit. The fact that it was this established adds proof that it was earlier in the timeline.)

And luckily, that was the right decision. I went down a moldy hallway with stained wood floors and found a single concrete staircase at the end of it. The staircase went up in a spiral, with a never-ending hole at its center. To my dismay, it ended at the top (fifth) floor. But when I entered that floor, I was in a section of the library that I'd never seen before. It was a small room with shelves of ancient books. In the middle was a single desk, and in its chair was a taxidermy orangutan in a dusty lab coat. On the other side was an open door leading to more concrete stairs. Except now, the walls were covered in old-fashioned gold and floral wallpaper.

I thought I was alone, but as I was almost at the eighth floor, a woman with glasses and a vaguely Edwardian black dress appeared in front of me. She didn't let me pass at first, but somehow, we fell into conversation. I did eventually leave, but I came back the next day, and we talked again, until I left and returned, and so on and so forth... we grew attached to each other, and one day, she led me to the 8th floor. She brought me a trough of water, and together, we meticulously removed the dust from the books. This was difficult since they were heavily damaged, but we did it with minimal damage.

Time didn't pass in that room, so I was probably there for an equivalent of months. During this time, of course, we fell in love. We panned through the dust together and indeed we found diamonds, emeralds, rubies, and gold dust. She said I needed much more than what I initially came for because the priests would only trade those coins for these gems from the 8th floor. She also told me that I couldn't simply bring the gold and diamonds to the baseball field, but that it needed to have been *inside* a priest. She knew this information because she'd formerly been a part of the original occult order. She'd had a relationship with a specific priest. He was the one who had bound her to that floor.

I also found the disk. It was hidden in a false book (the inside had been cut out). I don't know why I didn't tell her about it. I simply pocketed it.

She'd never died, so she planned to come with me when I left. Once I had what I needed, we descended the stairs. We entered the room with the orangutan. She followed me to the other side and down the next set of stairs, and then, suddenly, she was gone. Just...completely vanished. When I went back to the fifth floor, it was full of people (no orangutan in sight). All of the other floors were also full of people, students, and new books. Somehow, I knew this was because of the disk. The disk crossing the threshold had nullified her existence.

I was fucking devastated, but I still had work to do. I went to the church and provided the gems and gold dust. After some back-and-forth with the head priest, I was taken to a separate room with white walls. Lo and behold the priest who'd trapped my late ghost/goth girlfriend, not having aged a day, was there to greet me. He gave me the coins and almost sent me away but, remember, I what I kept needed to be handled intimately. And I'd been told some very specific, very useful information.

Long story short, I seduced and pegged the priest. Since the gold and diamonds had indeed been inside him at that point...well...you get the idea.

While he slept, I stole more of his coins and fled. I took everything to the baseball field. The dog ate the disk. And then...

I woke up...feeling very cold, morning the death of a relationship I'd never had, and a newfound confirmation that I definitely have a Type.

So. WHAT THE FUCK??????!!!!!

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

so the project i’m editing is one that i accepted back at the end of november, not realizing when i said i’d be happy to start work on it in december that i was about to spiral into feeling totally overwhelmed by holidays and frequent guests and multiple rounds of covid in the house...when for the first time we had multiple family members staying here at the same time and i had also decided to make people crocheted gifts for the holidays. all my people. as a beginner. 

i also didn’t realize at the end of november that i was going to feel an utter lack of holiday spirit last year, most of the time, so secluding myself with crochet projects on a self-imposed time crunch was self-protective, a bit. either way, though, i received the draft i was meant to edit in november, made sure i could open the file, and then--and this is key--did not actually read it. 

instead i spent december surviving the holidays, confident that in january i would dig into it, once our house was quiet again. that plan didn’t include the new year’s covid of it all, and the brain fog that lasted most of the month afterward. from february to now, family visits combined lasted another two months or so, and the stimulant medication shortage has given me gaps that mess with my brain each month of this year--until the last one, when i was able to talk my doctor into renewing my prescription early for the first and only time.

so basically, by the time i opened the draft in january and was already struggling to work on it or anything requiring brainpower...that was the first time i realized that it was a very rough first draft, not what i had expected (i’m honestly not sure why. i hadn’t been given an indication in any way). i started working on it, but battling my adhd while trying to do my best work was like a tug of war i couldn’t win, because my brain is detail-obsessed, which makes me a good editor, but also got me totally bogged down in this process because it just needed so much shaping up before i could even see it for the story. 

the battle that is my brain makes me frustrated and whiny and even more avoidant of trying to work, because i know that if i just had the perfect conditions i would suddenly be able to function again, and it feels so unfair that i can’t magically create those conditions for myself. anywhere that i work is near noise and people and an adorable cat whose affection i refuse to ignore, and it’s nobody’s fault that i’m so easily distracted, but it certainly feels like it should be somebody’s fault, which must mean the fault is mine. also not a great feeling to toss in the mix.

in april, i was lucky enough to get a few weeks with no family events and a lot of quiet, and i made good progress on the draft, leaving me with only 47 more pages to line edit. after that’s all done, i have other notes to take and things to check and tidy up, so i suspect i’ll need a few more days to finish the whole thing. but so far today i’ve gotten 8 more pages edited, and after a break i’m going to do some more. despite feeling lousy lately, i’ve been able to make use of my alone time just the way i needed to, and i’m really proud of that. 

if i can get the line editing done by wednesday, i’ll have thursday left to do some of the follow up work. and since today really has let me prove that i’m still capable of thinking clearly when i’ve got perfect conditions, i’m aiming to get as much done as possible before i go back to struggling. basically, since november i’ve had this project and an unrelated crochet project waiting for me to finish them, before i allow myself to move on to anything new. 

that has included tv shows (i’m avoiding spoilers for everything), reading books, crocheting for fun...really anything but podcasts and tablet games, which is how i’ve kept busy for half a year now and which i suspect has been bad for my mental health. because new tv shows give me breaks from reality and sharing tv shows is my love language, and a birthday loophole that had me watching nancy drew and later sharing it helped me a lot last week when depression came out of nowhere and knocked me down.

so i needed to ramble about that journey, and possibly post further updates just to keep myself motivated. once the editing is done, i’ll be free to get back to my more-fulfilled life, and stop punishing myself for struggling by withholding all the stuff that makes me happy. (and in future, i will have learned valuable lessons about how avoiding fun distractions doesn’t help me work better, and how i can only work with the environment i have--waiting for a better one to come along means not working at all.)

[lothrilzul]

2022 brought loads of new interesting stuff and content in my life. I won’t talk about the war special military operation going on next door because I’m not here to be stressed out.

Behold, lots of exclamation marks

2022 started slowly with Fallout on eco burner. My love for Paladin Danse is forever and unrelenting.

Book of Boba Fett! Ming-Na! Loved her in ER, Universe and Stargate, and now as Fennec. Extra cameo at the end!

Obi-wan Kenobi! Ewan McGregor, stellar as ever. My first platonic love, still going strong. Shame he didn’t get enough recognition for his portrayal in the early 2000′s and I’m glad the fans could reach both him and Hayden at last. It was so good so see them in their roles again. The last episode hurt so much it was so good.

Then in August we decided to finally finish Divinity Original Sin 2 with my Hubbo. That meant starting a new character, because we forgot like everything. 

Then I learned there was romance in D:OS2. That lead to a quick spiral with Ifan ben-Mezd. I already liked his character since the first time we played, at first I picked him as follower, second time I mained him, and now I picked him again, but accidentally triggered a romance dialogue and rolled with it. I’m glad I did. So worth it. I was robbed 4 years of Wolf Husband content.

Then I finally caught up with House of the Dragon. I started binging it the week the last episode came out because there was no way I’d wait that many weeks. I loved the structure of the series and how it knew exactly how much to serve. The experience felt like I’m watching fanfic. (Obi-wan, too, btw.) I didn’t really like either side, both the greens and blacks have good and bad people. And I know how it ends. However I understand their problems and see why they do what they do. I’m still not a fan of either Daemon or Rhaenyra, but for some inexplicable reason I imprinted on damned Aemond. I didn’t want to like him. I also adore Halaena. And let’s not forget Harwin Strong, the daddest dad to ever dad. And Rhaenys. True queen.

My new debilitating love for Ifan naturally led to a cursory search on AO3 for Ifan content. It’s scarce. So I read what was up my alley and decided to trying my hand at writing one. I think it’s 50% done now at 20k-ish words.

Also, I found a multifandom fic with some Dragon Age characters along with Ifan. Namely Alistair and Blackwall. Then I got Blackwall recommended if I liked Ifan. (I don’t dare tag you friend but you know it’s you.)

So, I asked Hubbo to get me Dragon Age. I was dreading to start, the whole religious aspect was a bit much for me. But I decided to dredge through the intrigue for the romances and story. TBH I knew some elements of the story, because I watched Hubbo play a few years back, but I never really cared. I remembered Morrigan because he romanced her. I was also very much spoiled throughout the story so it was really time to get a coherent experience.

Naturally, I started with Origins. I was pre-conditioned to go for Alistair and I am glad I did. He’s such a dork. I love him so much. Couldn’t harden him or make him king. My Cousland stayed with him until other orders came from above. At that point, I knew I would do anything to keep Alistair safe. Even break my own heart later.

I decided to go for Zevran next game. Maybe Morrigan, once, but I need the perfect character for that.

Then, Awakening. I was glad I could keep my Warden from Origins, so Cousland rolled into her new arling only for me to be shocked in the first quest. Hubbo never played this. I didn’t knew Anders was there. Nor did I know who Justice was. I had second-hand Corypheus flashbacks from the Architect. Like, vibez.

I loved every Warden recruit! (except Oghren. I didn’t like him in Origins, but he was not much better here) Especially Nathaniel Howe! I grew fond of my arch enemy’s son rather quickly. He was the only one I maxed out I think because I ran out of game. Anders was close second tho. Shame I found Sigrun last.

Naturally, next step was Dragon Age 2. I burned through Kirkwall in a week. It was a blast. Heh. I wanted to romance Fenris, but I decided to go for Anders because then I would have an easier time in Here Lies the Abyss. Or so I thought. My purple Hawke grew on me. Her relationship with Anders grew on me. It was always supposed to be a slightly pro-mage playthrough, but at the end I decided to go all in. Hawke has had enough. And I knew I’d be in a pit of despair soon.

I also made sure to max Fenris out, because I need the best friend.

So, here comes Inquisition. I’m only, what, eight years late. I set out to romance Blackwall, because, recommendation. First experience was underwhelming, but he worked his way up quickly. I’m not finished with the game or the romance yet, I didn’t even travel to the Winter Palace yet. But I kissed the sad bear enough for him to say he could get used to it. Good, do that. (I’m not at his personal revelation part yet.)

I did Here Lies the Abyss. I was like, I need to tear this band-aid off ASAP. I saved Alistair and left Alma behind, as I previously planned, but man... I wouldn’t want to be near Anders when he hears about it. The game really served me with a below-the-belt-punch for that decision by Varric’s tale. I cried like 4 different times after it and it was only 5 days ago. I’m broken. It was supposed to be my expendable Hawke. It was supposed to be least resistance. 

Oh, yeah. Varric. I grew rather fond of my charismatic friend and I’m damn broken I made him hurt like that. 

Cassandra is my bestie. Dorian is close too. And I adore Crem. He’s the best.

Later playthroughs I want to see Cullen’s romance, and possibly either Solas or Cassandra. Or Dorian. But that’s like 5 games. Whole lotta time.

I think that’s it? Quite a list, I always thought there’s nothing new this year can bring, but here I am with like 5 new boyfriends and 2 new heartbreaks. At minimum.

[adversarialharrow]

The Echoes of Responsibility

Eighteen-year-old Leo sat at his cluttered desk, his heart racing as he stared at his phone. After weeks of relentless harassment from unknown numbers, he finally decided to share his experience online. In a moment of frustration, he posted: "I keep getting these weird calls from numbers I don’t recognize—like the Department of the Interior and the Department of Energy. What’s going on? It’s driving me crazy!"

The responses flooded in like an unrelenting tide. Some were sympathetic, but many were cruel. "Glad you’re getting them," one user typed. "I wish you’d just shut up. Nobody cares about your problems." Another chimed in, "You get them because you’re stupid. Maybe if you weren’t so anxious, you’d handle it better."

Leo felt a knot tighten in his stomach. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he was being judged not just for his predicament, but for who he was. He wondered if the people behind those comments even considered the weight of their words. Did they know how isolating it felt to be dismissed so harshly?

In the days that followed, Leo’s anxiety spiraled. He found himself reaching for energy drinks to cope with the fatigue that accompanied sleepless nights. Each sip was a temporary escape, a burst of caffeine that kept him alert but also heightened his nerves. He could hear the echoes of the negative comments in his head, making him feel trapped in a cycle of self-doubt.

One evening, in a moment of clarity, Leo decided to take stock of his life. He sat down with a notepad and began to write. He listed everything he was worried about: his phone, his car, his license, and even that multifunction fire starter he owned, which he learned was illegal in his area. With each item, he felt a sense of responsibility wash over him. These weren’t just random worries; they were aspects of his life that he could control.

As he wrote, he realized he had never taken the time to understand the implications of his actions. The phone calls were troubling, sure, but how he reacted to them mattered too. He had never reported the harassment to anyone, assuming it would only get worse. He felt a wave of shame wash over him: Was he really the person those online comments suggested he was?

With newfound determination, Leo decided to take action. He researched how to report harassment and found the right authorities to contact. He also reached out to a friend who had experience with anxiety, seeking support rather than suffering in silence. Together, they talked about healthy coping mechanisms and the importance of self-care.

Within a week, he filed a report and began to feel a shift in his mindset. The world around him didn’t feel quite so heavy anymore. Leo also made a conscious decision to reduce his energy drink consumption and replace them with water and herbal teas. He began to exercise, finding solace in the rhythm of his own heartbeat.

As he continued to share his experiences online, he also started responding to others who posted similar concerns. "I know how it feels to be overwhelmed," he typed one day. "But we can find a way through this together." The response was different this time; others reached out, sharing their own stories and offering support.

Through this journey, Leo learned that ethics and responsibility aren’t just about following rules—they’re also about how we treat ourselves and others. He found strength in vulnerability and discovered the importance of community. The negative voices that once haunted him faded, replaced by a chorus of understanding and empathy.

Ultimately, Leo’s story became more than just a tale of harassment; it was a testament to growth, resilience, and the power of choosing kindness—both for oneself and for others.