#the sudden issues (that lasted years!!!) with my adhd meds/health insurance after years of stability with it. having to try new dosages and | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

stepfordgoth · 3 days ago

Text

Honestly shout out to anyone who started following me before March 2020 and is still following me to this day, you're the real ones. I just did a bit of thinking and realized that the Covid era really did change/kill/fuck up just about everything for me and put me on a hamster wheel of misery that I'm only now crawling out of. Like obviously I can't blame it all on Covid because lots of things I experienced as part of that hamster wheel were results of my own decision making but honestly when the Covid lockdowns hit I instantly lost my job and also could no longer take my yoga classes multiple times a week..... So not only did I suddenly lose my source of income and the exercise routine that I'd spent years building (which is probably enough to make anyone depressed on its own), I also lost every social outlet with real people off the internet that I had at the time (other than my husband). On top of that, when everything shut down I was already dealing with a "breakup" with my former best friend of a decade that happened two weeks before then (Feb 2020, completely unrelated to Covid), which absolutely broke my heart. So I literally didn't have anyone other than my husband. So when the shutdown hit I felt incredibly lonely and disoriented. And then eventually I started to feel angry. And I think it all snowballed down from there.

My point is, if you've been following me for more than 5 years now you very likely have seen me at my worst and (unless you're hate-following me for some reason lol) I appreciate that you've stuck with me for so long even after watching me spiral into briefly becoming an angry, bitter, fat, day drinking loser bitch. Lol. I'm heading back upwards finally I think. 🩷

#healing #(granted this is not the first time ive reflected on exactly how much my life changed in 2020 but in that last post when i said its been a #really long time since ive felt so healthful. well i started thinking about it and wondering when exactly was the last time i felt so good?#and i just kept coming back to: when i was working and had a best friend id see every day and i was going to yoga classes 3x/week. i felt #healthy then. damn was i actually miserable for the whole biden administration? lol)#UGH and this is not even going into all the awful things that happened after march 2020 that absolutely did impact me (rightfully).#the sudden issues (that lasted years!!!) with my adhd meds/health insurance after years of stability with it. having to try new dosages and #meds. often in very short amounts of time. im sure that was not good for my brain.#the fact that i attended three funerals in 2020-2021 that were almost exactly 6 weeks apart. one of which was my father in law. that was a #fucking tragedy. he was such a good man and i miss him every day.#there were quite a few good things that have happened in the last few years too but my point here is: yeah no shit i was a huge mess for th #last few years lol. probably anybody would be with that barrage of sad/scary/negative things happening consistently for a number of years.

6 notes · View notes