#but back in storage it goes this is an artifact lol

[iwanthermidnightz]

hello again, old friend✨

[according2thelore]

omg i love that es sam post!!! imagine him “taking a break” from the three of them. he’s a jealous bitch and feels like they don’t even WANT him around, they all like each other better anyway!! cue Flagstaff Part 2: Electric Boogaloo

gosh!

if sam ran away, it would be an absolute shitshow, lol. i don't know if i think he would full-stop run away. i think maybe it would be a miscommunication--especially since for ES!Dean, stanford is so fresh and raw.

in my head, i'm picturing maybe ES!Sam steps out because he found a lead on a surprisingly non-BS book on time travel at a new-age bookshop a town over and gets stuck out overnight. and honestly, he's not that mad about it. he could do with a fresh night at a motel away from the Sammy and Dean show (and will not admit that it stings that he's not the 'sammy' in question). plus! sunlight! he hadn't realized how dark and damp everything is underground until he actually has a room with a window.

at first, as much as it sucks to admit, no one really notices at first. ES!Sam has really tried to distance himself from everyone (much more at the beginning of this ordeal than a few weeks in), and spends most days either archiving a storage room that LS!Sam told him about just to have something to do or in he and ES!Dean’s room avoiding them.

so LS!Dean is the first to notice. he's just had the idea to maybe reach out and offer the kid a grilled cheese for lunch. but...he can't find him. anywhere.

he goes to ask ES!Dean&LS!Sam who are tucked in next to each other in one of the armories, giggling, and LS!Dean gets distracted for a bit at how irritating--and honestly?? kind of arousing--they are together.

they "split up and look for clues" as LS!Dean puts it, quite excitedly, and ES!Dean kind of flushes like 'wow you're such a dork' but he's practically skipping down the hallway and LS!Sam rolls his eyes.

once their search turns up no sam...it's Hit Every Alarm Bell Time.

ES!Dean is the most freaked out. what if ES!Sam got taken back to the past without him? what if ES!Dean's stuck here? what if whatever brought them both to the present kidnapped him? he's guilty because he should've noticed it sooner. he's been spending so much time with LS!Sam that he didn't even notice his own little brother was missing for what? hours? dean's little brother is his whole thing! and he didn't even notice! not to mention stanford is still so fresh for ES!Dean that he's absolutely the most freaked out about the Lack of Sam, and therefore absolutely the least helpful.

LS!Dean is in the middle. that is to say, on a scale of 0 to rip the building apart brick by brick ("hey, stop it kiddo, he's not in the fucking walls." "shut up, old man!") he's a 7. a Missing Sam is a Missing Sam, okay? you could bring any dean (even squirrel dean) in and tell him this, and that's a category five disaster. and this sam is small!!!! and alone in the world!!!!!!! he's calling local hospitals and jails, before widening the search. he's probably even on "foot" patrol (patrolling motels and town with Baby) which he drags ES!Dean into, because that poor kid's fourteen seconds away from having three concurrent heart attacks.

LS!Sam checks ES!Sam's search history. he promises to do a more thorough up-and-down of the bunker, including investigating if any of their artifacts that they've got spilling out of old boxes in almost every room, have the power to transport people. but then, he sees the laptop in ES!Sam's room (kid has a FASCINATION, and LS!Sam cringes to think of a time before laptops were widely available). and okay, yeah. let's check his search history. after 'curious college twink gets ass ate large hunky man hunk bearded middle aged' and oh. okay. ES!Sam found internet porn. cool. (LS!Sam does not notice that the 'hunky man hunk bearded middle aged' has light brown hair and a strong jaw and does not remember the website and thumbnail. because that would be weird!) LS!Sam sees the bookshop.

he calls LS!Dean, and he comes back so they can all hop the town over to go collect him.

they find him immediately under "dean plant" at a motel on the edge of town closest to lebanon.

he's groggy because it's five in the morning. the storm from the night before has barely cleared, and the smell of wet concrete hits him before he's even full awake as the door slams open.

he's got three guns pointed at him (two identical ones, one significantly less scratched than the other; and the third is very familiar) and an ES!Dean that immediately falls upon him like a regency woman reuniting with her long-estranged husband returned after years of war.

LS!Sam keeps trying to calm the situation down with calm words and an annoyed glance at ES!Sam but mostly calm. and LS!Dean is just pissed.

"where'd you go? why'd you go? why are you here? the storm? yeah i guess it was kind of bad. but that's no excuse! oh they closed the bridge because of the flooding. well you could have called! no phone. hm. well. you can't go disappearing like that, kid."

and ES!Sam is kind of equally pleased and annoyed. because honestly, he didn't think they would really notice. he didn't think he was an integral part of this machine that they occupy. he thought he was the weakest link, but they chased him down (even if it was only twelve miles) and—

(and ES!Sam tries not to think it, but it reminds him of a sermon at the church he visited once a month with brady, before brady stopped going to church (the church that made sam's feet tingle as in his shoes as soon as he stepped on hallowed ground); about the shepherd chasing down the wandering lamb, and how fucked is it that sam's thinking, in part, about himself? some bigger, stronger, wiser version of himself bringing him back into the fold? it makes sam shudder a little, bc sam didn't even question the part about dean being god, just himself.)

and later that night is when ES!Sam gets his first "we"--LS!Sam pulls him aside after dinner, and says quietly,

"we can't disappear on dean, okay?" he's quick to continue, because he can see the beginning of ES!Sam's indignant protest. "it was an accident. and they shouldn't've freaked out like that. but we go through...a lot. and he needs us. even in 2006. and he's glad we're here."

ES!Sam shrugs him off, but later that night, when he says goodbye to ES!Dean, he says "goodnight jerk," and dean relaxes against the doorframe. and sam thinks, maybe this isn't the worst thing that's happened to them. not as long as they're all in it together.

every time i say "oh this ran away from me" and UGH! every time it's TRUE! flagstaff pt 2: electric boogaloo would end with a lot less tears and anguish on all parts involved, i think. but like any good sequel, it would increase the stakes (TWO deans losing their minds + a bonus sam!).

thanks for this ask, anon! my brain really took to it, lol!

-lizzy <3

[am-i-sans]

dnd adventures 31

cam returns from eeby deeby and lands on undyne! they apologize for landing on her and fall to the ground. undyne tells them to scram cause she wants to be alone. cam heads back to the shop.

frog is still resting on dans. suzy is still crabby. cam tells us what happaned. frog says they should go have fun. frog goes to a random person and asks if theres anything fun around here.

they dont know they just got here, why is that building destroyed? frog tells them about the zombies lol. shes like 'really? where did they come from?' cam says it was a necromancer. 'well thats a bother.' dans is still zoned out. cam tries to think of what to do.

she calls herself annika crow and walks off ok cool. museum? dinosaurs cool! dans is still zoned in the shoe shop oh no they just left him. the kids are in the dino petting zoo. frog can talk to the dinos! tori also talks to them lol. one if the dinos preens cam.

undyne cools off and now is lost again dammit. she got a crit she finds the dinos! meanwhile dans was wandering the city in a daze. a guy runs up to him. he looks like a normal guy but somethings off. he hands dans something and then leaves. dans checks for anything sus. its a brown package and has a weird staticy magical energy he hasnt felt before.

dans opens it. theres a foldable wooden board and an envelope with no signature. in the envelope is a jack of clubs! with a weird shine.

its dess why?! dans reads a letter inside, their instructions. typewriter? 'unfold the board on a flat surface, put the card face up' dans looks around then finds a spot to put the board down. the card turns black! dess pops up out of nowhere?! 'oh im back here. hi.' dans is fucking flabbergasted. 'did you hop out of the card or something?' 'yeah kinda thats employee storage.' 'does that...hurt? are you conscious?' 'nah the last thing i saw i fell to the ground so i guess i was put away.' 'so no eeby deeby?' '...what?' 'did you get your egg?' 'no. i think? now when i got put in the card.'

dans blinks a bunch then slowly tells dess what they missed. 'thats a lot of stuff. sorry im out of it.' dans says to find the others and get them some food. dess tells him to keep the board and stuff and into the bag it goes. we find the dinos!

undyne looks at the dinos and says cool your here and dinos are here nice. she just needed a moment to cool down. she asks if they let you fight dinos here. cam says she isnt allowed to fight dinos cause she would kill them immediately. 'id only knock them out!' tori offers to be a dino if needed. frog is stoked their mom can be a dino lol. tori says she feels smart when she talks to undyne lol.

attika speaks up and asks how you can be a dinosaur? undyne starts asking if she can turn into various plants and her lol. shes now a 9 ft tall undyne lol. now 11ft sksksk. now she picks up undyne lol. cam says she could pick up undyne oh no. dans and dess walks in as undyne is taking off her armor lol.

'uhhh dess is back did we...miss something?' undyne says whats going on and dans gives cam a sly look. oh no undyne is gonna run at her. tori waves at dans as she shrinks to normal. CAM FUCKING DID IT THEY CAUGHT UNDYNE LETS FUCKING GOOOO!!! they forget cam is a fighter lol. 'its not the size' says dess lol. frog tosses confetti hehehe. tori is mildly shocked. undyne tells cam to yeet her at suzy. 'dont break her undyne' undyne crushes suzy oh no lol. suzy cant even shove her off. she finally gets her off and kicks her.

now undyne asks tori oh no. she sighs and agrees. yes she caught her! annika speaks up and says they should stop cause this is a museum. dans is just smiling fondly at them. oh no. undyne. no. nonono. oh no. 'do you wanna be the reason god says yes?' tori throws her at dans oh god. HE GOT A FUCKING CRIT! hes just like how did this happen? she reaches down and fucking picks him up shes pumped now lol. then she puts her armor back on.

so whats the plan? that artifact right. undyne finally notices dess lol. dans says dess teleported in but we assume its weird eeby deeby shit. dans is fucking attuned to dess's board so shes stuck with him wtf. hes gonna be horrifed when he realizes lol.

annika perks up and asks about the artifact. cam asks if she studies magical items. she says magic in general, recently graduated. undyne shows her and annika asks to come along cause she might know of it. undyne tells her its dangerous and some of us have even died and she cant guarantee her safety. also we have a curse where we get stuck lol. annika says shes been in danger before so its fine. undyne calls dibs on the artifact but says she can come.

time to get on soupnik! annika is surprised to see them and undyne explains its her spiritual summon. tori asks if shes sure she wants to stick with us. shes studying soupnik now lol. frog actually introduces themself and blobbo to annika.

tori asks what field she was in. evocation. hmm. vani crawls forward and curls up against annika. we eventually land cause its dark and they need to rest. dans is making dinner. were in a swamp gross. vani is chasing a frog. not our frog like the animal. tori argues with undyne that no she cant magic the water away. undyne asks dans whats for din-din. dans is still kinda out of it and says its sliders.

frog is playing with blobbo who is now splashing around in the swamp lol. so is suzy lol. annika is reading after failing to help with the fire. dans told the local bugs to fuck off lol. tori for fun casts detect magic. she senses something weird in dans backpack hmmm. but she doesnt bring it up cause he IS a warlock.

suzy calls out to cam and throws a mudball at them! cam screeches and ducks under the log after it hits lol. undyne laughs and chokes a bit. cam yells that their shirt is ruined but dans yells they have magic for that. cam yells about the mental toll. dans tells them to throw back but cam says they dont like to get dirty. 'your already dirty.' 'fuck off.' suzy grabs cam and drags them into the swamp. undyne sighs and goes after them and picks them up.

suzy keeps trying to drag them into the swamp. undyne just picks her up too lol. suzy is just feral i swear. undyne offers to play in the mud if she lets go. now its on! cam goes and clings to dans and he sighs and uses presti. cam says they have something to tell dans. its a jar full of those feathers they pulled off of themselves. they say dans has no hair. cam wanted to braid them into his hair but the beard will do.

cam says its a social thing. if your close to someone you give them a feather. an old legend said the feather let the other person have influence over them. cam is a halfling but growing those feathers was so exciting. why is everyone giving dans influence over them lately lol. its to establish a connection aww they wanna share with everyone. dans gets misty eyed and says he would like that very much. cam combs through it and braids a feather into it.

cam looks at undyne and says she needs presti before getting a feather. undyne is too busy wrestling in the mud to notice lol. time to brain tori! then frog! frog gives cam a cool rock.

undyne finally wins and their both exhausted. dans cleans her off with presti, the most useful skill.

moss had to go so we had to stop.

[curechocolattymilk]

Skyrim OC Questionnaire

Saw @jessaryss​ ‘s questionnaire in the tes tag & decided to give it a whirl w my current Dovahkiin!

BASICS

Name: Jeer-Tei Perdes

Race: Argonian

Age: 26-28??

Pronouns: He/They

Eyes: Turquoise-ish

Hair: Red feathers

Skin: black/super dark green?? idk i was playing around w a race menu mod w this lad

Height: 5′7″ - 5′8″ (A bit on the short side for an Argonian)

Weight: 153 LBs

General Physique: Probably average? With a bit of beef since they swing around battleaxes/wear heavy armor

Tattoos, WarPaints & Scars? I’m just plopping down a screenshot bcus i suck at explaining em. Can’t see his scars on this one but they have three long ones over their left(?) eye

Yes I went edgy color scheme with him. No, I have no shame

ABOUT

Dragonborn: YES / NO

Werewolf/Bear or Vampire?: Werewolf time (yet to find a good werecroc mod tho :c)

Occupation: Adventurer, Thief, Listener, Arch-Mage, Harbinger, Mercenary, soon to be Legion solider, all-around bastard

Guild Association(s): TG, DBH, Companions, College of Winterhold & I believe that is it bcus i went back a couple saves in hopes to avoid a CW bug & lost a bit of progress in return oof

Favoured Weapon Class / Type: Two-Handed, Battleaxe

Favoured School of Magic / Type: DESTRUCTION. Tei loves himself some Fire n Lightning. The fire shout is his most used lol

Heavy Armor? Light Armor? Robes?: Heavy Armor

Place of Birth: Unsure still but I’m thinking of having them not have a Hist-connection/not hatching in Black Marsh? Seems like an interesting route but who knows

Place Where They Were Raised: Hammerfell till their teens (Tei was adopted), then they wandered around for a bit w a group b4 landing in Skyrim

Current Location: Since last save? Ivarstead I think

Education / Place of Study: He’s well-read/educated! Mostly learned the smithing trade under his family in Hammerfell, but snuck into a few academic courses during their travels in Cyrodil

Any Teachers / Inspirations? Tei has an elder brother who helped teach him the ropes of adventuring/survival. He helped kickstart the Argonian’s adventure drive.

PERSONAL

Patron Deity (if any): Mora & Hircine I’d say? He doesn’t really worship any of the Nine, though he acknowledges all of them.

Political Alliance (if any): They could care less for the warring factions, but the civil war is starting to inconvenience him, so for the sake of choosing a side & getting it over with, they joined the Empire. (The recruiters were closest & Tei really didn’t want to travel aaalll the way to Windhelm...never really liked the place anyway) Don’t expect him to be extremely loyal/treat them or the Dominion w any respect though lol

Strongest Skills: If going off ones that reached 100: Two-handed, Heavy-Armor, Destruction, Smithing, Speech, Archery

Strengths: Can take a hit physically; Pretty stealthy despite their armor type; Pretty much fearless, will take you head on

Weaknesses: Has piss-poor sense of direction when it comes to Dwemer/Nordic ruins; Pretty much fearless, not much of a danger sense so they can get pretty fucked up; Can’t tank spells that well, despite being Arch-Mage; Doesn’t have an issue following their Draconic or Werebeast nature/Can’t control nightly transformations

Spouses? Flings? Lovers?: Rumarin is their hubby. Though Tei & Ru are discussing among themselves about opening their relationship & adding Kaidan to it, if the warrior comfortable with the idea.

Thaneship (and of where?): Yes; Solitude, Whiterun, Dawnstar, & Falkreath. They’re worming their way into every hold they can though

Most Difficult Quest They’ve Been On? The whole Dragonborn quest was definitely a challenge he completed out of spite for Miraak. However, the Blood of Kings (3DNPC-Slight spoiler warning for the end of this quest? Maybe?) quest fucked w them a bit more mentally. Tei likes to act big & tough but having to acknowledge he’s the only one who went through/remembers all that did mess with them a bit. It’s hard to explain those dreams/nightmares.

Jail Time? So far? Just Cidna Mine because of the Forsworn Quest. Tei is pretty good at not getting caught/using his connections to get away with things.

Largest Bounty Held? I want to say around 5000+? Again, it was Markarth, they did not go down w/o a fight after that false accusation.

How Much Gold Are They Typically Carrying? Too much idk what to spend it on

How Do They Get Gold? Stealing, well-paying jobs, selling treasures they looted from tombs or found in dungeons, that sorta deal

Are Werebeings and Vampires Vile Creatures or Simply Misunderstood?: Simply misunderstood! Until you attack him then it’s game over for you. bud.

Do They Actively Hunt Dragons?: Not really, in a turn of events regarding this character. Part of it is because I just can’t find any spawning vanilla-wise post-Alduin, but for an in character explanation, Tei does feel a strong kinship with dragons. They won’t hunt them/kill them unless it’s a well-paying job/they challenge him first. Which...the latter happens often in the form of Assaults (Deadly Dragons is one fun mod). Hell, Tei refused to kill Paarthurnax. He respects the Dovah, even if he disagrees w the passive way of thinking, & goes to them often to meditate or talk. Not that anyone needs to know that.

Goals In Life? Honestly? Probably boost themselves up the ranks/collect more powerful artifacts for his hoard. If there’s a powerful figure he can challenge he will do it Figuring out how to turn into a dragon would be cool too, i guess

Deepest Regret?: Not hanging out with their kids (Ram-ku & Chases-Starlight) as much. They visit when they can but the urge to travel/explore can keep them away from home for a bit. So everytime they head back to Proudspire/Lakeview they have a ton of treats/toys/daggers to give the two.

Greatest Hope?: Not a shared fact with anyone, but deep down Tei does wish to retire comfortably, he jokes with Inigo that such an idea sounds boring but honestly? They wouldn’t mind it.

Most Embarrassing Moment: Rumarin caught him playing with the dog’s rope toys while in Werewolf form once. The High-Elf refuses to let Tei live it down

Flaws: They don’t really pick up on how rude they can be at times, or maybe they do & just don’t care.; Lack of personal danger-sense in battle/thrill of the kill can often lead to Tei getting some serious injuries if he’s not careful, his continued mastering of Restoration is from licking his own wounds. Sorta ironic considering he fusses over close teammates not being careful after opening up some more.

Fears: After the whole Blood of Kings debacle, Tei developed a deep fear of losing the reality they’re in/losing their loved ones. Alduin may have been defeated but the idea that any & all progress or events he went through can just be taken away regardless sticks with him. It may or may not drive his need to take out anything they deem as a big threat/challenge.

What Makes Them Happy?: Playing with their kids is a big one, Tei always makes times for games. Other than that it’s finding new discoveries/techniques about destruction magic or soul gems, reading a good book (or being read to, if he feels like asking Rumarin), being with his family in general, or going out for a hunt in their werebeast form.

Hobbies: Playing the lute, building his hoard some dragon behaviors just stick regardless of the body you’re in, smithing/creating little decorative daggers, treasure diving

Favorite Locations: Throat of the World/Paarthurnax’s Library (Mod), Lake Ilinalta, Apocrypha

Favorite Holds: Falkreath & Solitude

Eating Habits?: They’re not picky, but tend to prefer raw meat. It’s not an uncommon sight to see Tei just up n swallow a salmon whole while he’s swimming to catch the group some dinner.

Can They Cook?: they leave it to Rumarin if at home/the elf is traveling with them, but they can do it decently enough.

Favorite Food: Tei would kill for Ru’s seared-slaughterfish dish

Favorite Drink: Shein/Velvet LeChance

First Thing They Do At A Tavern?: Ask around for bounties/buy some food for the road

Sleeping Habits?: Due to the beastblood, Tei is very restless when they sleep, often tossing & turning. Ru holding them helps a bit, but on days where he travels, Tei just stays awake until he passes out in an inn/at camp from exhaustion seeing as they don’t toss around as much then.

Cities or the wilds?: The wilds

Pet Peeves?: Being stopped for bounties of like...5 gold. Like dude fuck off or he’s going to make that bounty go higher.; Followers bunching up/not letting them pass, Tei has places to be guys; Also really hates being grabbed/touched unless its close friends/family

Describe Their Bedroom or Home: Their bedroom is rather neat & tidy, same as any personal forge or storage room. Alchemy/Enchanting areas, or any place of study you should watch your step. Especially in the Arch-mages quarters, that place is a total mess.

How Would A Stranger Describe This Person?: A short-tempered, apathetic asshole through & through most likely.

Someone Close To Them? A snarky arse who actually is a bit of a softy with some rough edges. Tei’s no goody-two-shoes, & tends to tease, but he’s not cruel either, y’know?

How Do They Deal With Anger?: He tries to avoid lashing out at others unless they caused it. Usually cools off from big episodes by working at the forge, doing a big bounty or two, or using their Thu’um somewhere till their throat hurts.

How Do They Deal With Failure?: Tei gets broody, frustrated & fidgets with his claws/tail/feathers a lot. Over the years of their adventuring they understand failure is a fact of life, but that doesn’t mean they can’t get upset about it. Don’t take it to heart if they snap at you during this time, they don’t really mean it & just are mad at themselves

How Do They Deal With Loss of a friend or someone close?: Not horribly bad but also not in the best way, they immediately put walls up & avoid conversation for a good while, maybe even leave for a few days. While slowly working with this with the help of Ru & Inigo, Tei doesn’t like being seen in a vulnerable & would most likely brush the event off as “shit happens.” However, it’ll eventually get too much. A good example would be when they lost most of the Brotherhood due to Astrid’s betrayal; Tei would brush it off constantly if it was brought up, pushing it down. One day though, it hit him full force while prepping for a contract, he’s grateful it was just Rumarin there when it happened.

Go Into The Bandit Filled Cave To Retrieve The Lost Amulet For Some Simpleton, or Tell Them Nah Bye?: Depends if they pay well or if Tei can get away w keeping the item, but it’s mostly “Lol that sucks bro”

Opinions on Daedra?: He only respects/likes two (Hircine & Mora), but will shimmy up to the other princes for their artifacts

Companions / Followers

First Follower: Rumarin! Found the dude by accident while running around & immediately fell for the snarky fucker.

Have They Stuck Around?: I mean, the two did get hitched. Rumarin mostly stays at home with their kids now-a-days, as Tei is chasing after more & more dangerous “prey”

Something The Look For In A Follower (or do they hire anyone without question?): Hold their own & does what their told, mostly. The former is the proving factor for him (except in the case of Lucien...but they’re paying to tag along so I guess they can stay)

Followers Over The Years (or whatever amount of time): Rumarin, Zora Fairchild, Gor, Anum-La, Skjarn (but only once), Inigo, Kaidan, Lucien, & Hoth.

Fourth Wall

Any Must Have Mods To Play This Character?: Anything to help boost Argonian experience (Amazing Argonian Traits/Feats, Horns are Forever, Digitigrade Khajiit-Argonian Raptor, Bigger Argonian Tails....We need more Argonian mods), Ordinator, Apocalypse, Wildcat, Deadly Dragons, Real Bosses USSEP, Ultimate Combat SE, TK Dodge, Shout Overhaul. And while you don’t need it to play Jeer-Tei, the Racial Body Morphs SE is fun to help diversify everyone’s height! Until you realize you’re short as hell to most of your party.

Random Screenshot / Drawing: Here’s Kaidan & Rumarin stealing the bed in my bugged saves, gotta redo Kai’s quests again for this tho. F

Level?: 91 I think? First character where I grinded up via Alchemy & Enchantments for perk points for a good while. (Also started out as a light armor build but I quickly decided, “lets become a sneaky tank build!” mid-gameplay) I used to have the People of Skyrim mod on as well, which spawned waaay too many dragons (im talkin about none of them landing even after their hp hit zero bcus the ai got bugged w the amount spawning) & bandit mobs, so that helped too lol. Eventually disabled it though bcus my old laptop was struggling. 

Serious RP or Thomas The Tank Engine Dragons, Fart Shouts, and Kawaii Cat Girl Mods?: Serious RP, though I may add some sillies later

[zoanzon]

The Monkey Archives: Episode 39

So, formatting of this one migbt be a bit odd; mobile doesn't feel like playing nice so we'll see how it goes...

Episode 39

GOD, Martin, really?

Also, dang; that's not good.

"I refuse to become a goddamn mystery." I...think you'll get what you want, John. Only question is if you'll still be happy with your wish...

"Deeper...into the same of something I don't even know yet..." :3

"Whoever takes over from me is going to know exactly what happened." :3 :3 :3

Is Tim dying?

Urp, that ending. 0.o

Lol, Tim's fake transcr-

Holy fuck, Jane's voice! 0.0

Lol, Martin and John, locked in an office, F-I-G-H-T-I-N-G

Wonder if Tim is actually dead (or wanting to be dead)...

Damn Martin, gettem!

"It feels like I'm being watched...I lose myself a bit." ...You know, I wonder if he's sensing the Eye, or us listeners...or if we listeners ARE the Eye... :3

"Are we doing my review NOW?" Lol Martin

And lol John's response

I came in expecting horror episode and got fluff? In this economy?

"Did you think I was a ghost?" Shdhsgsbs

"Whatever web these statements have caught you in..." Oh, WEB :3

"A ghost, really?" "Shut up, Martin." Shshdhssb

Is that- yep, Elias.

"I tbink John's got a lighter somewhere." Ah, there's Old Man Chekov's gun. :P

"Funny story really..." Tim what the fuck, fhshsgsgssv

"-Feel a bit lightheaded, not a lot of ventilation in the tunnels-" Lol, Timbo the himbo is high as balls.

"You look fine, put them back on please." TIM DHSHSSG

Lol, the silence for Martin's poetry revelation

"I had to retreat into artifact storage..." My mind immediately went to Intern Dana going into the Dog Park 0.0

"Just a...just a..." Oh...oh dear. Oh dear 0.0

"I see you." ...Is that Prentiss? 0.0

...No, THAT is.

...Thats the end? (So, what spoke from artifact storage?...)

[prismarine-parrots]

Tree of Life Notes

Would this technically be a masterpost? Not sure what that entails so let’s just keep it as notes.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 3.5 Part 4 Part 5 (1) Part 5 (2) Notes

The basic ideas of ToL- function, plot, what happens to who... basically while I was writing ToL me jotting down everything I could think of to try and make this make sense XD

-in this AU, everyone's life force is tried to a tree. These are special trees that relate to the person.

-link to the Google Doc with everyone’s tree designs... except for a few I’m not sure of still (taking suggestions for those, comment on Google Doc!)

-whenever the player dies, the tree takes a small amount of damage eg. a leaf falling

-many deaths in a short amount of time can lead to the tree becoming more visibly unhealthy, but normally if you wait a couple days without dying the tree will heal itself and go back to normal

-the trees can be moved by using a special axe, similar to the armor stand book or the wrench tool. It's a iron axe that is enchanted and when you break one part of the tree, the entire thing disappears and it drops one sapling. When that sapling is replanted it grows immediately. While the sapling exists as an item, the hermits will still PROBABLY  respawn, but there is a lot more risk of perma-death or having complications.

CAUSES

1. Grian joining from an old version server brought glitches unknowingly (catalyst for all and at his never worked properly in the first place)

2. The ConVex using Vexnos to Thanos-snap the server probably doesn't help at all

3. Lag from all the redstone keeping the trees from healing (MUMBO?)

4. Exploring the world as much as the hermits have (literally like 30,000 blocks in multiple directions wow) has started to cause world corruption (like broken chunks and such)

This is a mess

HOW THEY FIX IT:

-no clue

-Xisuma rolls back the server to a time where this wasn't an issue? (Grian would still be dead/on his way to dying)

-EX becomes a hero and gives his life force to heal the others (originally plan but I couldn’t make it work so that was scrapped)

-heal them like you do a zombie villager?? Wait for the tree to die completely then use a potion/healing item on it to revived it? (This one!!)

CASUALTIES

-Grian is first death

-Wels dies soon after

-TFC dies but not a lot of people realize because he's still in his bunker

-Evil Xisuma nearly dies??? Or does?? (Yes he does)

-Xisuma gets sick but they solve the problem before he dies

-False tries to be a tough cookie and suck it up until she collapses and dies on the spot

-Doc dies right at the end but puts up a serious fight

-Tango dies

-Zedaph dies

-Scar dies and Cub is not okay

-xbCrafted dies

-Python dies

LIVING PEEPS (read: Dead-Only-On-The-Inside Peeps)

-Mumbo (he’s worse than he lets on)

-Jevin

-Xisuma

-Iskall

-Cleo

-Stress

-Rendog

-Cubfan (oops I’m sorry)

-JoeHills

-Impulse

-Jessassin but he doesn't know what's going on anyway so

**list is not comprehensive (as in I'm not sure I have all the hermits listed lol)

-not everyone knows what's going on. TBH some people probably don't even know about the trees in the first place, and some may have just randomly died or didn't know people were perma-dying in the first place. These are mainly the hermits that are actually hermits and dont do many collabs/I don't watch enough to feel comfortable writing/don’t do HC anymore in the first place XD

Hermits that are actually involved in the issue (AKA the ones I'm writing)

-Grian

-Mumbo

-Iskall

-Xisuma

-Stress

-False

-Cub

-Scar

-Ren

-Doc

-Tango

-Impluse

-Zedaph

-Joe

-Jevin

-Python

TIMELINE

-Iskall, False, Mumbo, and X discover Grian and his tree are sick

-Grian explains what he knows but passes out before he can finish

-everyone panics and tries to figure out how to heal him, calls Tango, Joe, Doc, and Stress to help

-Grian dies

-(side)Ren get footage of Grian's death message and keeps it in his video not sure of it's seriousness, Recap has it as the main part of their video and literally the entire fandom freaks out

-(side)almost all of the hermits go silent until this issue is resolved. Not everyone knows what is going on and are doing their own thing, so they continue to make their content until maybe some of them randomly die too. Innocence is a blessing. These hermits are Jessassin, xbCrafted, Python, TFC, and probably some others because I might shorten my list of hermits because that's a LOT of characters to write

-Xisuma calls every possible to a meeting ASAP to address the issue and figure out what caused it and how to fix it (they're assuming they can still get Grian back rn XD)

-no one knows what the heck happened, most people haven't touched their trees/forgot they existed

-Jevin is late and bursts in in a panic, saying that Wels isn’t waking up

-they get to the bone arch between shopping/modern districts on the way to medieval/industrial before they get the seat message that Wels had died

-they devise a plan to look for a cure, start preparations for a lot of traveling

-False gets exhausted and collapses, dying on the spot as her tree unknowingly gave out

-they start their mission to stop this madness

SOMEHOW—

-Scar and Cub go to the Woodland Mansion to see if any old books or artifacts there might have anything to help the situation

-They fight some Vindicators and start looking for what they came for

-Cub realizes that something is off with Scar and Scar says that he's not feeling well

-Scar suddenly sinks to ground but is still conscious

-Cub starts to panic and tries to help Scar

-Scar explains that he hadn't been healing properly after taking damage and assumed that his tree was broken as well, but had been hoping he could play it safe and hold on until they healed the trees but the fight with the Vindicators had really taken it out of him

-Cub tried to get Scar to heal but it isn't working

-Scar says something really sweet and brotherly to Cub before closing his eyes and going limp but still having a smile on his face

-Scar died.

SOMEHOW-

-When Tango's tree starts to die he goes insane and goes feral/demonic and starts attacking everyone with he demon features (horns, claws? Wings? That's a headcanon tho)

-in the frenzy Tango kills Python (I think I said he died earlier but I'm going with this here for sure)

-Tango pins Doc

-Impulse kills Tango before he can kill anyone else

-they find a clue that they can find a cure at a set of coordinates

-coordinates turns out to be EX's hideout

-EX is dying, Xisuma's tree is affected but he is safe until EX dies

-Xisuma convinced EX to help them to keep EX from dying

SOMEHOW-

-EX dies. Originally I had it that EX is some sort of salty anti-hero and gives his life to help but I couldn't find a way to make that work so he just ends up dying. Does he respawn? Idk up to readers

-they find a cure and head back to the settled areas of Hermitcraft. Some of them go and raid everyone's storages for potion ingredients to make harming potions and splash healing potions.

-Doc and Ren fly around the server and set up beacons (existing or new) to have regen activated

-Doc is killed by phantoms

-the cure is finished and tested

-Grian lives!!!!!!!!! :D

-Impulse goes to revive Tango and Zed

-Ren revives Doc

-Grian revives Scar

-Mumbo goes to get Cub and help him out

-Cub lowkey wants to die until he sees Scar and then yay no more dead Scar and dead-inside Cub! 🤠

-Jevin revives Wels

-Iskall, Stress, and Cleo revive False

-Joe helps out Xisuma, then they go revive TFC and Python

and that's all I had written down? Did I forget anyone?

-all this happens over the course of one very stressful week :D

[cherryclakanin-blog]

CHARACTER DESIGN

CHARACTER INFORMATION

Name: Estelle

Race: Magical (Sorcerer)

Age: 17

Magic: 

Father-inherited: Air - Sun          Mother-inherited: Fire - Moon

Strand (Other World): Alchemy

 CHARACTER DESCRIPTION

Dealer at a human school.

Used to be an alchemist student from a parallel world but went through a portal.

Her body's artificial with insertion of a soul and magic from both of her parents because her parents are of different species and can’t produce and offspring.

She strong (power-wise in using magic) but her stamina is weak.

PERSONALITY

Arrogant (at first) and sassy but chill.

Gets easily frustrated when she can’t be good at something right away.

Has an inferiority complex because of her situation in the magical world but she slowly learns to accept herself through her time on earth while making business with people and learning about humans and spending her days in “Luna Magica Academy”.

TRINKETS

Heirloom 

holds partial magic. Every magical has this object or something of the like. It's for controlling power. It’s comparable to a wand or staff used by magicians from classic literature and story books. 

It helps manifest the power and change its form. For example if an individual inherited water-based magic, using the heirloom, they can transform it into water healing magic. Skilled users can even transform their element to use a different element (but to an extent).

Basically, if your magical energy stored within the heirloom is the same amount of energy as the magic you want to use, you can transform your magic to an ability outside of your own capabilities with the heirloom. 

Amount and power of magic depends on the wielder's skill, and talent regardless of quality of heirloom (although quality of heirloom is also a big factor in magic making).

Suitcase 

That's where she lives.

A gift from parents because since she’s from the alchemy division, she does frequent research and tends to stays over at school or goes home late. It was given to her so she could stay at school when she needs to. Permission was asked from the headmaster so it’s all good.

Also made it into a storage room so it's a mess.

100sqm x 100 sqm, 2 floors on the inside

Glasses 

Conceals eye color so criminal magicals don’t finds out she's one of them or so that nobody thinks she’s weird.

Dealer jacket 

Contains magical stuff that she sells when someone approaches her for it... sort of like sketchy dealers from games and movies.

OTHER IMPORTANT CHARACTERS

Ellis

Met Estelle by asking her for a potion.

Has pure magical parents but was tossed out by relatives because they thought he had no powers, he's abandoned. He also knows this story because he was already conscious when this happened.

Didn’t know he was a magical until he found out Estelle wanted use him because her body’s too weak to handle very immense magic.

eyes: instead of having a glint is completely empty.

Thought he had no powers but he's made sort of like a shell (i.e. you can insert magic in him) 

Living heirloom (can transform into weapons or magical items)

Gemini

Junior gatekeeper(s) 

disguised as students because they were tasked to pursue Estelle.

not actually twins the sign gemini just needs to manifesters

magic: Air - Sun and Moon

Sansa

Estelle’s best friend from the Other World

magic:  aparition and astral projection

Turns out  they were following Estelle when she was breaking in the sacred rooms and reported everything to the ministry 

actually didn't like Estelle, she was jealous of her and was pushing her to steal the object.

LORE

The magic world has no concept of time so it's hard to control where you jump if you encounter a portal. It could be anywhere at any time and is dangerousif you’re not trained in time magic.

Powers are inherited

You could distinguish magicals from non-magicals with the glint in their eyes (Estelle has bluish gray eyes with a glint of pink)

Gatekeepers - guards time and space since it's very fragile, ancient, and barely touched magic.

Astrology is important because constellations and planet alignment are important to finding the gates that separate the two worlds.

Magic school - kind of like school on earth, from very young to high school students are taught the necessary things and basic magic and construct of the world while higher enchantment (SHS) gives students a choice for specialization. After HS you can go for higher learning or not.

Some jobs don't require magic at all

Current era earth contains very very tiny amounts of magic since criminals are banished here (explanation for sightings of the supernatural.. e.g. aswang and those who carry great “luck” that are the so-called “mediums” and “voodoo witch doctors” on earth)

“Luck“ is the only form of magic within humans. Their luck also coincide with Astrology and the alignment of various heavenly bodies. If it is taken out, they futures might turn haywire. If you have only a small portion of luck, you could still accumulate some through a) practicing good karma b)getting astrologically connected with your sun and moon signs.

In the past united non-magic earth and magic earth used to be one until the Disaster of Divine Separation happened where half of the population lost their magic and the other half didn’t. This caused a divide as the ones who retained magic called themselves the “chosen ones” and those who didn’t got ridiculed. So the now non-magicals threw a rebellion which forced the separation of the normal and supernatural. 

All magic fall under the four elements (Earth, Water, Fire, Air) and two categories (Sun and Moon).

STORY

Estelle is a genius at their school although, she's arrogant and prideful because of her talent. You could say she's admired but also disliked. Her parents are also quite powerful and hold high regard of their daughter. Her co-students don't wanna praise her though because they know it'll further inflate her ego. 

Eventually their class went on a trip to the ministry of magic (not Harry Potter lol I just couldn’t think of a name) where all magic records, historical events, and experimentation are kept. The ministry also guards the sacred artifacts which hold the "secrets" of time magic. Only selected people could handle time magic, even if one is very powerful but cannot contain this magic will not be able to handle it. 

Prior to this trip, Estelle had a fight with her Higher enchantment  professor because she was saying she’ll make the ministry make her a gatekeep and was acting all high and mighty. Her professor told her "whatever you become, in that state, you’re not going to be as good as your parents". 

Maybe it was the professor’s choice of words but it didn’t sit right with her. Estelle’s parents were former gatekeepers that now work for the ministry after their contract ended (and also by choice). During the selection period, she didn't get picked. 

Due to desperation and wanting to “show them all” she planned to go to the artifact room and see if she could handle time magic. Her friend Sansa helped her with distracting security and Estelle was already good enough to bypass the guards.

When she reached the room of the sacred artifacts. Because she wasn’t at the right location and time of alignment, and for various other reasons, she failed in trying to use the items and the whole ministry’s magic got drained then she got transported to the earthly world.

Naturally she was very confused but one thing lead to another, she got scammed into enrolling into "Luna Magica Academy" which she thought was a magic school that could help her get back to the Other World, but in all truth it was just a name of a private school with zero magic. She wasn’t fond of reading history books as she thought they weren’t necessary. Here, aside from being frustrated by the whole ordeal, she get's a taste of failure as she doesn't know anything about earth and their studies. 

Here, she notices a lot of problems in the non-magic world that could easily be fixed by magic. From typical things like aching backs and sores to things done by other magical beings banished to the earthly world .

Because of this, she thought of opening up a service where she sells potions and extinguishes problems for a price of a portion of that person's luck. Since they didn’t know what she was talking about and thought they had nothing to lose, they’d agree to this contract. She puts their luck in her heirloom in hopes of trying to return (she still has this the sacred artifact btw).

Business runs smoothly but then she meets a guy asking for her help, a healer’s potion to be exact. Through the emptiness in his eyes, she figures out that he's a powerful living heirloom and makes a contract with him, without him knowing he was an heirloom. From here on out, he became her assistant and according to the contract will help her with whatever problem may be and agree if she asks for “divine” help.  

Long story short, as she interacts with more people and encounters their problems and commit many failures both in school and personal life, she slowly loses her will to do business for the sake of acquiring magic as she doesn't want to take away other people's luck and becomes guilty whenever she lets someone sign her contract. 

As she grows as a person, makes new friends and her abilities in academics improve (since she catches up quick), and feels normal, she felt like she found her place and nearly forgets her desire to go back to earth. She even thought of opening up a magic shop (totally not sketchy at all) after graduation. 

But of course fun times ain’t the end of it all, because someone enrolls in their school - part of the gatekeepers, Gemini. And everything was coming back to her. 

Of course this had to happen, she still had the artifact, naturally someone was going to chase her. Although she didn’t want to leave anyone behind and didn’t want anyone to forget her, she most of all didn't want to get the people she interacted with on earth involved because she knows at that point that she made a mistake. So it was back to plan A - to go back to before she stole the artifact, the day of the ministry field trip and he needed Ellis to get back.

When he found out he was mad, they fought but eventually made up. They talked to the people they helped in school and they all agreed to give her a part of their luck (she returned these people's lucks after meeting Ellis, also everyone at the school knows she’s not ordinary by now) to her.

Ellis also agreed on letting her use him as an heirloom. They guided their way through the constellations while escaping Gemini’s surveillance. She finds the portal entry and uses Ellis to get back.

After the travel, she realizes she transported at the exact time that she left and found out her friend, Sansa snitched on her. Afterwards she got into all sorts of trouble and was banned from entering the Other World until she fixes everything on earth because after she opened the portal of time - the ministry which is also a prison had the criminals escape. 

She's gotta find em, on this journey she’s going to be accompanied by Ellis and Gemini.

 She goes back to earth and apologizes to everyone and thanks ‘em before venturing off through time and space to find these criminals.

to be continued in season 2... 

[valamerys]

we were forced to hide in this very cramped space (from friends/authority figures/people trying to kill us) and this is a very awkward position to be stuck in with someone you’re avoiding because they’re too attractive for you to deal with” au WITH RHYS AND LUCIEN?? PLS??? I CRY???

this was for the prompts from a while ago!! still doing them, it’s just taking me 5ever lol. BUT THANK U FOR THIS GIFT IM ALSO CRY. 

WHO IS READY FOR RHYCIEN?????

———————

“Get off me, you idiotic--”

“You’re the one who’s on me, you get off.”

But there is nowhere to go, and after a few moments of futile struggle, Lucien is forced to settle with his shoulder wedged against the door, half being poked by the cleaning supplies sticking from the shelves in this comically small maintenance closet, and half with Rhysand flush against him, their limbs askew and intertwined as they’re posed to avoid randomly hung buckets and mops.

Lucien swears and Rhysand asks, almost incredulous, “does the Fall Court not believe in adequate storage space?”

“Couldn’t you just replace all their memories with giant squids or something?” Lucien snaps in response, “Cauldron boil me, you’re supposed to be this all-powerful godlike creature and we’re hiding in a closet--”

Rhysand puffs out a laugh and Lucien can feel it on his ear. “I am an all-powerful godlike creature, first of all. And there should be an ‘extraordinarily handsome’ somewhere in there too.”

Insufferable. Insufferable. That he is, in fact, extraordinary handsome, and the slight implication that he knows Lucien thinks that... there are so many awful people in this court it seems impossible that Rhysand could introduce him to new ways to hate a person, but here they are, pure frustrated loathing coursing hot through Lucien’s veins as they hide from the Fall Court guards.

It is entirely Rhysand’s fault, a stunning highlight to this diplomatic trip that seems to have been planned with the specific goal of making Lucien’s life difficult every turn. Today Rhysand had been taking an uncomfortably close look at one of the Fall Court heirlooms, when he definitely had no business being unaccompanied in the vaults--Lucien had stumbled across him and must have startled him, because Rhysand dropped the precious glass artifact he was inspecting, and the sound of shattering was met with cries from the guards and the sounds of approaching boots. A mutual look of fury and fear--neither prince wanted to be associated with the crime, much less face Beron’s wrath for it--and they’d taken off down the hall, since winnowing was magically disabled in the palace. Lucien had been the one to pull them into a closet as the guards drew closer, and as Rhysand’s elbow digs further into his side, he regrets it fervently. His father’s retribution--or almost anything--would have been better than enduring this. It’s pitch black in the closet, and the darkness is heightening his other senses: Rhysand is warm and firm against him, and Lucien is discovering nuances in Rhysand’s scent, thick between them, something like saltwater under the citrus-musk, and he likes it and he hates that he likes it.

Rhysand goes on after a pause; Lucien suspects it’s because he can’t handle the mere suggestion that he’s less powerful than he’s supposed to be.

“In any case, the peace between Night and Fall is tenuous--”

“It gets more tenuous with every passing second of your knee jamming into my thigh.”

Rhys pauses to make a huffy little show of being interrupted. “--As I was saying, is tenuous, and tampering with will or memories leaves traces, if you know where to look. Your father employs people who know where to look. I’d like to not endanger that peace by giving anyone cause for suspicion.”

“Yes, we certainly wouldn’t want you, sneaking around the vaults alone and fondling ancient magical items, to seem suspicious.” Lucien loads it with as much venomous sarcasm as possible.

“Interesting word choice.”

“Oh, you’re going to distract me from your snooping with innuendo? Very mature behavior from a High Lord apparent.”

“I’m not the one who said fondling.” A pause, and Lucien can hear the filthy smirk in Rhysand’s voice when he adds, low and breathy, “And I could distract you with a lot more than innuendo, if I wanted to.”

The points where their bodies press into one another suddenly feel very heavy, and the air around them very thin. Lucien is going to kill him. He’s going to set all of Rhysand’s clothes on fire at once; even if Lucien gets third degree burns by proximity and/or murdered by Night Court spies in retaliation it’ll be worth it.

“Do you just go through life assuming everyone in the world is insatiably attracted to you?” He hisses.

Rhysand hums faintly. “Mostly. I tend to be right, though.”

How can he be so casually haughty, so at ease in this ridiculous pose they’re holding? How in the world does this not phase him?

And what would it take to break that cavalier composure of his?

Lucien feels the urge to try, one way or another, throttle him or kiss him, something, anything, to bring him down to some part of Lucien’s emotional level of lusting contempt. He manages, with great effort, to ignore it and lie instead.

“Consider me an exception.”

“Really?” It’s an amused little purr. “You’ve never thought about me fondling anything other than glass trinkets?”

"Incredibly, I find arrogance something of a turn-off,” Lucien bites out.

“I’m not sure I believe you. Maybe I should rifle around in your head and check.”

“Stay the fuck out of my mind, Rhysand,” Lucien snarls; aware that it’s bait, rising to it anyway. “I catch you trying to get past my shields and I swear I’ll—“

“You’ll what? Mouth off to me some more?” Rhysand says, sharply, baldly. Lucien feels thin fingers find his face in the dark, finds himself paralyzed with equal parts fury and heat as Rhysand traces the shape of his lips, his jaw.  “That temper of yours is going to get you into trouble, little Lucien. I hope you get as good at finishing things as you are at starting them.”

The nickname is too much.

Lucien snaps with something like a growl in his throat, and they collide with the clatter of cleaning supplies, door rattling as Rhysand shoves him against it, lips hot and seeking against Lucien’s. Hands grapple ungracefully, pulling, tugging, digging into clothing, both of them seeking to take; Rhysand tastes like sweat and the dust of the room and a bittersweet darkness, and Lucien is all teeth in search of more of it.

“You bit me,” Rhysand grunts, although it doesn’t stop his hand’s frenzied ascent up under Lucien’s now-untucked shirt to touch his bare chest.

“You called me Little Lucien,” Lucien pants petulantly, as Rhys latches onto his neck, sucking out his revenge.

“Well you are proving me wrong, aren’t you?” Rhys palms the generous bulge of Lucien’s hardening cock by way of explanation. “Not so little.”

Lucien holds back a groan, instead gritting out, “Fuck, I hate you.”

Rhysand chuckles, and Lucien kisses him again, rough, sloppy, just so he’ll shut up, for cauldron’s sake—

And then the world is bright, and they’re both tumbling backwards. Lucien hits the ground hard, arousal interrupted by the painful weight of Rhys landing almost entirely on top of him.

The poor maid who opened the door—and managed to dodge out of the way before her prince and the foreign dignitary he’s clearly making out with tumbled out—stands there in absolute shock, a hand clasped over her mouth.

“Sorry,” Lucien apologizes to her vaguely, feeling his shame return to him with his sense of sight.

———————

Rhysand rights himself and slips away before Lucien can finish calming the frazzled, embarrassed maid, and is mercifully absent for the rest of the day, as Lucien grows more and more mortified about the event. By the time he retires for the night, he’s considering hiding in his room for the remaining days of Rhysand’s visit and also maybe the rest of eternity.

But he opens the door to see Rhysand, calmly inspecting the contents of his desk.

“What are you doing here?” Lucien blurts, too surprised and lingeringly embarrassed to put any real hostility behind it.

Rhysand puts down whatever he was playing with, walks over to where Lucien is rooted to the floor with that brand of disaffected self-assurance that reminds Lucien: he hates him, he hates him, don’t make out with him again--

“We weren’t finished when we were interrupted earlier,” Rhysand murmurs, and kisses him.

Arrogant, entitled, presumptuous, insufferable, insufferable, insufferable--

Lucien’s resolve crumples like wet paper and he kisses him back, Rhysand’s night-cool aura washing over his senses, making him forget why this was ever a bad idea. Somehow they end up stumbling towards the bed, Lucien gripping the back of Rhysand’s neck as they tumble onto it.

“It’s Rhys, not Rhysand, when you come,” Rhys manages to get out against Lucien’s lips, somehow still imperious when he’s underneath Lucien, both of them flushed.

Lucien swears softly. “Only if you promise to stop talking.”

[evenstevensranked]

#53: Season 1, Episode 13 - “After Hours”

Ren is late for school and gets detention. Now the world is ending because she’s in desperate need of extra time to finish up a display for LJH’s 75th anniversary. So, with some help from Louis and a new pal from detention.. she sneaks into school at night to get it done.

This episode opens with Louis walking into Ren’s room at night, eating a chocolate bar. He asks Ren (who’s asleep) if he can use her laptop and takes a tired sigh from her as a “yes.” Pretty sure that wouldn’t hold up in court. I’m still not sure why Louis needs Ren’s laptop at 1:27AM but with most things Louis does — I’m not even gonna ask. In the process of unplugging her computer, Louis accidentally unplugs Ren’s alarm clock. Which is literally THE WORST. I hate when my alarm doesn’t go off. It’s sort of a fear of mine. So, basically I’m watching Ren live out one of my nightmares. She’s woken up by the sound of a lawnmower and she clearly suffers a “holy crap I overslept” heart attack. Again… The worst. She sees her laptop is missing and her extension cord is covered in chocolate. Which can only mean one thing… Louis.

She gets ready at the speed of light and rushes to school. When she gets there she bumps into Wexler who reminds her about the display project and she assures him she has organized everything into boxes and only needs a few hours to set it all up. I’m laughing because he mentions he’s been called out of town for “principal business” yet he has a snorkel and goggles in his bag. He quickly covers them and tries to act like it’s a “very important conference” simply because he “has to take a plane and everything!!1!” Again, Ren tells him not to worry while he’s gone. She vows to get the display done in time.

Due to Wexler’s absence, Coach Tugnut is put in charge. Ren asks why Vice Principal Mason isn’t in charge, but in Season 3 their Vice Principal is Mr. Landau. Just something I noticed. Anyway, Tugnut’s the “top dawg” and he’s on a power trip. Ren ends up being late for gym and Tugnut makes her sit the class out next to a girl who’s coloring her toenails with a crayola marker (she makes sure to say it’s “non-toxic.”) She’s obviously supposed to be an ~edgy~ trouble maker. As soon as Ren sits down, the girl introduces herself as Chloe and starts talking to her. And then… *dun, dun, duuuun* Tugnut gives them detention for “illegal use of the mouth.” Um…

Ren approaches the detention room after school that day like she’s walking to her execution. The detention monitor is an old dude who’s apparently been “asleep since 1985” according to Chloe. This guy must be a saint or something because he’s obviously dead and there’s no explanation for why he hasn’t decomposed after 16 years. Of course, the room is full of strange kids and Ren is a fish out of water. Chloe introduces Ren to everyone and suddenly Louis walks in shouting “MY PEOPLE!” and they’re all pumped to see him. Yep. Louis is Detention King. Unsurprisingly. 

Louis has this awkward looking scrape on his chin. He plays it off as a “sports injury” but Ren exposes his lies and says he got it from tripping over their TV remote. I feel like they wrote this into the script because Shia actually had a scrape on his chin. It’s so random and I don’t know why they’d decide to give Louis this ugly thing on his face just to casually address it once. Plus, Shia has said before that they would write things into the script all the time (as well as ad-lib.) So, yeah. That’s what I’m betting.

Suddenly a microphone comes down from the ceiling. Louis says “Let the games begin” and within a few seconds they proceed to transform the room into a hamster race arena. I always felt like the surreal element didn’t come in until the second season… but then I remember that stuff like this happened in Season 1. I guess the show always had that element, I just prefer the episodes that don’t. Louis smells french fries which means Tugnut is on the move. They scramble to revert the classroom to the way it was.

Ren tries to show remorse to Tugnut in an attempt to get out of detention early and finish the display. But, a hamster crawls up her pant leg mid-speech and she starts screaming. For some reason, Tugnut gives Ren double detention for it and tells everyone else to leave. 

After detention that day, Ren comes busting into Louis’ room and finds him applying crayola marker (that he makes sure to say is “non-toxic”) to his chest to look like hair. Is using crayola markers on your body and explicitly saying it’s non-toxic a thing that detention kids do or something? Why else have Chloe and Louis both do and say that in the same episode? Louis tells Ren that she didn’t “break the code” by telling Tugnut about the hamster race, so he offers to help her out with getting the display done. Wexler calls Ren from his important principal conference (a.k.a - a hot tub party) and is under the impression that Ren has finished the display. Now she has no choice but to go with Louis’ plan — which involves sneaking into the school at night. Couldn’t they just go on Saturday or Sunday, though? No one will be around then either, but.

“Just wanted to see how it’d look...” 

Wexler’s important conference. 

Louis called on Chloe for backup and she shows up whisper-yelling like “YOOU-WHOO! IS THIS WHERE THE TOP SECRET MISSION IS?!?!” Wow. Everything seems easy enough, but Tugnut is at the school rollerskating in the halls like the strange man he is. So, basically they have to spend the rest of the night making sure he doesn’t catch them. That’s really the rest of the episode. This one was/is hell for me to review for some reason because… not much happens really.

Louis brought Jumbo Size Crinkle Fries to distract Tugnut with. You know where the Faculty Sauna and the Wexlervator once were? Well this week, it’s a closet. They take a fan out from there and try to lure Tugnut to the smell of the fries. All they leave is the empty container so that he’ll have no choice but to go and get fries for himself because he’s a french fry addict apparently. And he does leave but before he goes he makes sure to turn on freaking HEAT, LIGHT, AND MOTION SENSITIVE LASERS, RIGHT IN FRONT OF REN’S DISPLAY CASE. What the heck?! What Junior High school is so important that it needs freaking lasers to keep people away? Well, Ren is storing school artifacts from the last 75 years in boxes underneath the display case. So, maybe they’re trying to protect them?! lol, it’s the only thing I can think of because there’s literally no need for this. Louis says he’s “wispy” and dances his way through the lasers. Aside from the fact that he most definitely hit a few on his way to the other side… he successfully disarms them. This whole sequence is ridiculous but I love Louis too much to care.

The Faculty Sauna, Wexlervator, Storage Closet area... lol. 

Ren and Chloe get to work on the project. But, Louis decides to cool off in front of the giant fan and blows all of their materials away. This pisses me off. When Ren tells him to turn the fan off, he cranks it up accidentally. Instead of just turning the fan around, he leaves it and on stands in front of it as if that’s going to help the situation. He finally turns it around and off, but Ren is left in a mess. This gives me so much anxiety. Thankfully, Chloe suggests that they forget about making it “perfect” and just slap together some funky display instead. I can tell you right now, I am positive that it turned out a million times better than whatever Ren had originally planned. So… shout out to Chloe! It all worked out! :D Of course.

They finish and get out of there just before Tugnut returns. Tugnut is standing in the laser area, so Louis decides to sneakily turn them on before they leave. This totally could’ve killed Tugnut but he happened to be standing so that the lasers perfectly frame him. This is awful. He’s left straddling the lasers ALL WEEKEND. There’s no way. The heat and energy would’ve gotten to him and he would’ve died. Oh well.

Barbra Bushwick, a woman from the first graduating glass of LJH, is a guest at the 75th Anniversary on Monday. She compliments the display and says she loves the fact that it’s random and breaks boundaries! Ren, Louis and Chloe are all smugly proud of themselves. And that’s it.

Idk what it is, but it took FOREVER to even attempt to do this entry. I’ve been sitting here wondering why I didn’t rank this one lower… but, I just remembered that I really like seeing Louis and Ren work together. I just wish Louis had a bigger role in this episode and didn’t mess things up, haha. There’s also something I’ve always liked about being at school at night. Is that just me? Back in the day I loved going to functions at my middle school at night or on the weekends. Maybe I’m just weird. This is another episode that doesn’t have a subplot. That probably has something to do with it. I had trouble tackling Duck Soup for that reason, as well. Idk why. But, yeah. It’s a pretty simple episode. I feel like some people might find this one a little boring. 

Thank you so much for reading! I desperately want… no, need… to stick to a schedule so that this can be a definite, fun weekly thing for all of us.

Chime in below with your thoughts on the episode!

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