#but at this rate im gonna have a mental breakdown and then i wont be capable of helping anyone on Any level
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charonte-simi · 2 years ago
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I can't wait to move and be in a blue state and be around people that I like so that I can just completely go offline. Like, obviously that's not gonna fix all my problems and I'm gonna have the urge to log back in when I'm inevitably by myself but at the very least the first few months I'll be SO busy with settling in to a new life that I won't have the desire to be online. Cause I'm so fucking scared every time I turn my fucking phone on because I'm gonna see new legislation being proposed or another fucking nazi advocating for my and my communities eradication or another one of us being murdered.
I just can't take much more of it. I want to just focus on building a real community that I can interact with in person and focus on bettering my life and the lives of those immediately around me. Cause the doom scrolling and "staying informed" about national news is Not helping me, it's not helping anyone around me, its actively deteriorating my mental state, and it's a horrific distraction from the things I can *actually* do to help local people and make real change.
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kingxfmischief · 3 years ago
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gotta love suuddenly having a sobbing mental breakdown at 12 am at the pick up window at a mcdonalds drive thru
im so fucking exhausted. been irritable for no reason all the time for like twow months now. fucking feeling like no one wants me as so many friends just fcking ignore me for so long because im nothing but a burden.
anda t what fucking point do i just sit back and realize that its too late for me? that im too old for any of my dreams. seeing someone just 2 years older than me with like 20 years of experience as i dread turning 28 in a few fucking weeks with 0 experience for the things i want to do with my life. no jobs since iwas like 19, i probably couldnt get hired at mcdonalds or walmart let alone any of the jobs icould  mentally handle, any of the jobs ive wanted for years, the career ive wanted sicne high schoool and itsjust  too fucking late for me. my dreams are gone because ive instead just done jack fucking shit with my life. just a fucking useless waste of space, a burden, fucking feel like im mentally a teenager lately too and it slike jfc can i have any MORE problems can i be any fucking worse. ugly, hideous, gross, bad personality, no talent, not good at anything, no accomplishments, college dropout, never lived on my own (likely never will), nojob  in years, no job ever that’s lasted more than like 4 months
like my fucking god whyam  i still on this planet
oh right because im too much of a fucking wimp to do what i should have done ten fucking years ago. i shouldve illed myself the moment i dropped out of college because it was all fucking down hill form there. like fuck im so fucking
im tireed. im so tired. im so touch starved. attention starved. starved for everything and im just....im so exhauasted. sitting here sobbing as i type this, knowing tha it wont do shit that i cant get better, only worse
whats the fucking point
i dont have a purpose on this planet. all i am is a burden, a waste of air. but whats it fucking matter anyways? planets gonna be fucked in like 10 fucking yeras, maybe less with the fucking rate were going. plus fucking covid never going away so no normal again, nothing ever back to normal. the world is fucked so even if there was some hope for me (which there isnt), theres no hope for this ffucking planet so why bothre
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