#but at the same time. i don’t wanna put myself thru that

[milimeters-morales]

the guy who destroyed the cure that was supposed to keep you alive/stable and ultimately kind of caused the deaths of your two brothers when maybe there was a chance they could’ve had at least a tense but less-evil life if the cure wasn’t ruined and you don’t really know who ms marvel is but she’s your new friend and she also looks annoyed with him so he must have done something: have i ever let you down? 😉😏

[milo-is-rambling]

Need to stop making jokes about my grief and depression but then literally who would I be anymore.

[pepprs]

update i have to apply for my own job for the SECOND time in two years by wednesday and im taking my learners permit test on friday which means i have to finish absorbing the drivers manual by then. the way i am LONGING to walk into traffic.

[loohser]

toxic!Ellie pt. 2

a/n: me love toxic ellie :))))). Going thru massive writers block atm so please stick with me y'all. Have many drafts started so if u sent me a request theres a good chance that i started it!!! Also Dina kinda goes sicko mode in this. Smooches for everyone and they momma

Word count: 1.6k

<3 <3 <3 <3 

“Ellie, get off.” You grumbled. 

You feel Ellie let out a small laugh from where her head is laying on your chest at your complaining. “But you're so comfy babes.” She wrapped her arm around your midriff and pulled you closer to her. 

“But I have somewhere to be! Don’t be mean.” 

“You think this is me being mean? I can show you mean.” She told you seriously. She sat up against the headboard and pulled you into her chest.

You frowned at her, “Ugh you're so annoying. I have to tutor someone in 10 minutes!” You start to get up from the bed but she grabs your arm last minute and pulls you back to her body. You let out a huff and rolled your eyes. She grabbed your chin and pulled your face right in front of hers. “Don’t ever fucking roll your eyes at me again. Understood?” You widen your eyes at her sudden seriousness. 

“Fine.” You snipped at her. “I have to go. Or I’ll be late.” You stood up firmly this time in case she were to pull you down again. You started to pack your backpack to take to your study session. 

Ellie watched as you gathered your items. She knew as soon she said her last words to you that she struck a nerve. She hasn’t gotten that strict with you before so she was afraid that she scared you off. She watched as you scrambled to pull on your shoes. “Hey, maybe I can drive you? By the time you get back it’ll be dark and I don’t want you by yourself at night.” She stood up and walked towards you. 

You pulled back from Ellie and headed towards the door. “No, it’s fine. I’ll take my car, thanks.” 

You slipped off your sneaker that wasn’t going up your heel and switched to your crocs that sit beside the door. 

“Hey, don’t be like that. Lemme drive you.” She started searching for her car keys. You held up your hand. “Ellie, I’m serious. I can drive myself. Go smoke some weed or something. You need to chill the fuck out.” As soon as you said that you turned around and left the room. You were scared as fuck and didn’t want to see her reaction. You looked down at your phone and saw 2 missed calls from Abby. “Fuck.” You whispered. 

<3 <3 <3 <3 

You pulled up from Abby’s apartment and let yourself in. You saw her sitting on the couch. “Abby I am so sorry. Ellie didn’t want me to leave. But you know me, I pulled out the big guns and left anyway.” You flexed your non-existent muscles and sat down next to her on the couch. She watched you explain with a smile on her face. “Oh yeah? You my strong girl?” She smirks as she puts her arm around you. As soon as Abby leans into your personal bubble you start blushing. You like the way Abby makes you feel.

You looked at her shyly. “Yeah.” You whispered. She laughs, “Why so quiet all of a sudden? You literally just tried to flex on me.” 

You shrugged your shoulders and looked away. She hummed to herself and cleared her throat. “So, wanna tell me about Ellie? Like how you two became friends?” 

You perked up. “How come?” 

“Look, Sam told me something crazy about Ellie today and I just want to make sure you're okay. Ellie is fucking crazy, to put it simply.” 

“Wait. The same Sam that canceled on me when we met?” 

She hummed to herself, “Yeah. But that’s not the whole truth. Ellie apparently scared the fuck outta her and told her to stay away from you.” 

You lightly slapped her shoulder. “No way! She wouldn’t do that!” 

“Well apparently she would. And she did. Sam almost shit her pants so she stayed home. She didn’t want to test Ellie.” 

You stayed silent. You had trouble imagining Ellie scaring someone off for you. She was your best friend. Why would she do that? You had to talk to her about it. 

Abby waved a hand in your face. “You okay there?” 

You nodded. “Yeah. Just in shock I guess.” 

“So you gonna tell me how you two met?” 

You let out a breath of air. “We met in our freshmen year. We’ve been roommates since day one. I didn’t know her prior to college. But we seemed to click when we met on our first day.” 

“Hm, that’s it? Knowing Ellie I would’ve assumed that you two have been friends for years.” 

You suddenly faced her direction. “What about you two? No offense but Ellie hates you.” 

She laughs, “Non taken I guess. One random day freshman year, I ran into her because we were both turning a corner and she happened to be holding coffee in her hand. She yelled the fuck outta me but I assume the reason why she gotten so mad was because she was with a girl. She was tryna look cool and I messed that up for her.” She looks down at her lap and laughs at the memory. “What a cunt.” 

“Hey! I’m sorry that she did that, but she’s still my best friend and my roommate.” 

“You could be my roommate instead. If you ever get tired of her, you can come here whenever you want.” 

You smile warmly at her, “Really? Thanks Abs.” 

“I would do anything for you. Now come on. Let’s go see a movie or something.” She stands up from the couch and takes your hand in hers. Next thing you know you're laying in Abby Anderson’s bed with her arms around you. 

<3 <3 <3 <3

“Son of a bitch.” Ellie mumbled to herself. 

“I don’t know why you let her tell you off, Ellie. If she said that to me I would’ve locked her ass in my dorm room.” Dina said as she rolled another joint. 

She scoffed at her, “I can’t do that. She would hate me. Plus, you should’ve seen the look on her face when I snapped at her for rolling her eyes at me. She looked so sad. I made my girl so sad.” 

“Oh boo fucking hoo. You need to be more firm with her Ellie. Look at her, she fucking called me your guard dog. She needs to learn some respect.” 

“Oh my god, I know.” Ellie groaned as she sat up from her bed. “I’m sorry that she said that Dina. She didn’t mean it. Trust me.” 

“Whatever Els. If she says shit like that to me again, I will make her cry. And I’m not gonna feel bad.” 

Ellie laughs, “Yeah I know you won’t feel bad. Fucking bitch.” 

“Hey I’m just warning you.” Dina laughs while nudging her shoulder with Ellies. 

Ellie looked down at her phone. “Hey, she’s on her way. At least she texted me right? That means she won't be pissed at me.” 

Dina hums to herself, “Yeah, maybe. Good luck with that though.” She gets up and starts to get her stuff. 

“Hey, where are you going? You can stay.” She looks at Dina with a pout on her face. 

“I don’t really wanna be around your girl toy. I already have to put up with her during class.” 

Ellie let out a huff, “Fine. But if you run into her on your way out though, don’t be a bitch.” 

“Hm, maybe, maybe not.” She winks at Ellie. “See you tomorrow Els.” 

“Yeah, bye.” She watches Dina as she leaves. She kinda hates that her two favorite people don’t like each other. She didn’t know what she would do if the other person made her choose one or the other. It’s not fair. Ellie will make you two be friends. Even if she had to force you two. You had to get along with Dina. Especially if Ellie was going to ask you out soon. She just had to make sure that her competition was out of the way. That’s why she had to get rid of Sam. Sam is a cunt and will always be a cunt. And she’s a pussy. Who the fuck gets scared of one threat? If anyone ever threated Ellie to stay away from you, she would’ve laughed in their face and told them to go fuck themselves. 

Ellie watches as the door opens and you appear in the doorway. “Hey babes, how was the study session?” She watched you as you took off your crocs and put them by the door. She saw how your face looked confused for a second. But that look on your face quickly disappeared. 

“Oh yeah, it was good. Felt like they understood quickly.” You start to grab your pajamas from your drawer. 

“Yeah? It’s because you're such a good teacher.” She looked down at her hands. 

“Well, I can’t take all the credit. She’s a smart girl.” 

Ellie snapped her head up to look at you. “She? I thought you were helping some dude named Timmy?” 

You froze in your spot. “Did I? Oh well, it was some girl. I must’ve gotten mixed up. But anyways, I’m gonna change.” You quickly rush into the restroom. 

Ellie's face hardened. She knew you were lying to her. Why would you lie about who you were tutoring? Unless you were lying because you knew that it was with someone that Ellie had beef with? But that could be a lot of people. “Fuck.” She thought to herself. Guess she was gonna have to check your phone while you were sleeping tonight.

[autism-alley]

alright sorry to be a bitch about casting, but i’m gonna bc i do think it’s important to illustrating the feel of a character (if you come to me to bitch and whine about black annabeth get the fuck off my lawn). myself and others have already talked at length about the writing of the series, so if you’re looking for more weighty criticism, just scroll thru the pjo crit tag, now is my time to be a stickler for details, and this is a live action show, a visual medium, the casting is important for reasons beyond an actor’s ability to deliver lines. embodying the character purely in an actor’s personality isn’t enough—they need to physically feel like they could be this person to really sell it (there’s also something to be said abt not having to cast someone who supposedly feels like the character they’re playing just as themself—it’s called acting for a reason, but i digress).

just. take in the official viria pjo art of sally jackson.

look at this woman. look at her!! that is MOTHER. that is the woman who worked herself to the bone to single handedly raise perseus jackson, flaws and all. that is the woman who rocked up to the battle of manhattan with a shotgun and A WILL. that is the woman poseidon himself called a queen amongst women and offered a palace to. with warm lighting only outshone by her reassuring smile and the candle of percy’s blue birthday cupcake—that’s sally jackson. the composition of it, her pose and welcoming smile, makes the viewer feel like we are percy jackson, and it’s our birthday we’re being beckoned to join in the celebration of, a special moment between mother and child.

now look at this woman.

i feel like i’ve had this english teacher before, asking me why my autistic ass was tweaking out in the middle of her lesson on iambic peranimeter. i’m sure she’s a nice lady in real life, it’s nothing against her as a person or her skills as an actress, to me she just lacks the warmth and gentleness crucial to sally jackson’s feel as a character. that is my own subjective take. she doesn’t make my shoulders relax at the sight of her. her smile doesn’t make the tightness in my chest go away. looking at this sally jackson, i feel everything her character ISN’T meant to embody. i start feeling stressed out. like everything is somehow a lesson and she has grand expectations of my answer. and the script does NOT do her any favors with lines like “you decide how ugly this gets” at VERY MINOR “outbursts” of percy’s. paired together, the script and the casting, we get what feels more like all the chastising teachers in percy’s life rather than his loving and patient MOTHER. and i don’t wanna hear another one of y’all defend this depiction as more accurate to parents of ND children or i’m gonna lose it.

now finally, look at this woman.

we can bash the pjo movies for all their inaccuracies and adaptation flaws, but if there’s one thing they nailed, it’s sally jackson. the kind eyes. the welcoming and reassuring gaze. a tired yet inherently trustworthy face. she’s so open. she feels so special, so giving, even if she herself has little. i can see myself laughing in her kitchen, making seven-layer dip or blue cookies. i can see her handing me an extra few jelly beans after a long shift at the candy store. i can see myself as percy jackson, able to put aside another school expulsion because that’s my mother and she’ll never let me doubt she loves me. i can see why poseidon, god of the sea, would fall in love with her in a way he hadn’t in thousands of years. i can see him offering her the world.

i don’t know if this casting impacted the official art, it did come first, maybe that’s a well-known fact and i just sound like a jackass—nor is official art is the end all be all (looking the og official pjo art dead in the eyes)—but this woman just deeply strikes me as the same sally jackson as the one in viria’s art and the pjo books. she’s sally jackson in ways show sally vehemently just… is not.

[t0mcruize123]

The Alpha is spawned

This is a John Taylor Alpha smut with themes some people may find triggering (it’s sigma aura is lethal) so if ur mildly scared or worried about reading I suggest u don’t to preserve ur own safety👩🏿‍🦲🫶 this is written for my freakmate @mqverick and others may find it confusing and disgusting so tread lightly guys!!!……Xx

“Jawnnnny boy” I looked at John with a smirk, “I made a new Christmas song.”

"Ok what is it?" Said John, trying to chew on his meat he was eating

(that won't be the only meat ;))

"Okay here it goes,” I breathed in deeply, readying myself to sing the song I’d worked so hard on…,

“ON THE 5TH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE GAVE TO ME:

FIVE STDDDDS, FOUR CUM SHOTS, THREE FRENCH MEN, TWO LARGE DILDOS,

AND ALOT OF CUM, IN MY ASSHOLE.”

"Wow Jerome that was... Something" said John, looking disturbed.

"Well you clearly enjoyed it, look at that boner" I said pointing to the shaft in his pants.

"Well.. I.. Uh." John said panicking, blushing in the process. I got up and put my finger on his lips

"SHSHSHSHS CHILD, Im a magician, and I can make that boner disappear" I said seductively.

John jizzed in response.

"Jerome.. Just fuck me..." Said John, with lust filling his eyes

I laughed, and I stepped away him.

"John, you're my Christmas present and I can't open (dat ass ) until it's 12th because that's how Christmas works!" I said with a smug smile

He sighed, and got up from the chair and walked towards me, his clothed erection touching my thigh

"Ok fine, but just so you know.. you'll regret making me wait" said john with a grin as he slapped my ass and walked away into his room

I gave it no thought and just shrugged it off

Oh but I was wrong

So very wrong.

On the 12th of December there was a blue Smurf moon and I could hear John howling with the rest of his pack. He was taking a fat shit and I walked in “on accident” to smell that wonderful dung.

"JEROME GET OUT" I ran like a flash not wanting john to throw the dung at me even tho it smelt delicious.

“Did u walk in on the alpha shitting?” Nick asked, “was it as glorious as I imagined?”

“Even more so,” I hummed and sat down on the bed. John came out of the bathroom with a brown booty hole and satisfied smile, “I just shat and cummed at the same time, you were right Jerome it’s the way of the future.”

“Nicholas could you give me and jawnny some privacy please?” I giggled y/n style.

“Sure thing, have fun you two gay bastards,” he smirked and trotted away.

When the door finally closed, I grinned at bbg John and slowly lifted up his shirt to reveal rock hard abs, WRONG! There was nothing but smooth skin and my inner organs salvated at the sight. I ran my fingers thru his luscious wavy locks and he tipped his head back in sigma style.

“Jerome uwu,” he whimpered, “Give it to me mommy.”

I grabbed hus thong string and pulled it as far as it’d stretch before letting go. The thong slapped against his tight little bum hole and he almost released at the sensation.

I bent low and slowly pulled down his thong to reveal his throbbing member. It twitched like an Alpha ready to hunt and the idea of his piss claiming me made me tremble. My sensitive bud of nerves was desperate for his long bony fingers but I halted.

I slowly rubbed my hand down his shaft and he giggled and whimpered uwu style, hopping and jumping into my touch like a wild boy gone mad.

His eyes darkened as the waves of ecstasy approached and a muscle in his jaw tightened. The moonlight highlighted the sharp planes of his face, all due to the mewing, and I felt a secret formula coat my thighs.

“You’re mine,” he howled as I edged him harder, “I own you.”

“Just because he’s black-“

I jumped as a strong black man came into view, dressed in tropical shorts with his hair swinging in brilliant braids.

“I’m Jamal, Jerome’s hotter sexier drippier wetter sloppier brother” jamal shook johns hand, “wanna see a real cock?”

John roared as his cum spurred out like a fountain, sending me flying into the far window and covered in his sloppy juices.

“I’m ur guilty pleasure,” John grinned, “crawl to me Jerome.”

Did he think I was a spider?

He pulled my hair roughly and I felt my wig rip a lil. I cringed and John looked down at me.

“Call me master.”

I stared at his thick meaty sausage..was he going to teach me kung fu? I looked back at the moon and released he was alphalating at that time on month. He needed to be locked up before he became to powerful.

He snarled in anger and jamal grabbed his cock, spinning it like a helicopter and John felt himself arriving, lifting up into the heavens.

“Jamal what are you doing?” I pulled John back down to planet earth, “we need to lock him up-“

“Tell Simon I say hi” Jamal grinned as he rubbed him faster, his cock flying at Mega speed as he lifted up.

“I’ll never forget you Jerome,” John confessed as he flew, “I own you forever and ever,”

“Tell a trusted adult,” jamal told me and I rushed to find Nick for help. I came back to see jamal had transformed into dobby and was frantically throwing all his socks at John.

“What are you doing?!” I exclaimed.

“Dobby won’t be owned, dobby will be freeee!!”

Eddie weddie walked into the room, his pale arse as bright as the moon and his fat, long, fiddle as brilliant as a thousand orange stars.

“What’s the ud?” He asked.

“John turned alpha during sex and jamal helicoptered his cock so he’s flying into space,” I explained, “we need help.”

“I’ve got this.”

Ed walked up to John, kissed his neck, took his hand, and gave him the sloppiest, wettest, most jaw breaking, world ending, dick shrivelling, head of his life and John blasted into outer space, little kid sperm shooting out like a rocket.

He flew away and I watched the loml disappear to his true home with the rest of the three long legged people. I smiled and blew a kiss..

And then shat so drastically my panties disintegrated and I had to use dobby as a butt plug. Nick and Ed bent low and emitted the most gas chamber farts they’d been brewing the whole night, showing their respect to Alpha John,

As the gas became too much to handle and the shit trickled down my knee, my arse beginning to sneeze, I inhaled deeply and died a happy shitty death.

Thanks for reading guys UWU :(

#ur mental health matters

[chekhovs-nailgun]

i have some thoughts on coping thru fiction and using fic/writing as a general tool that i wanna put out there. warning: i will be discussing grooming below the cut.

so to get it out of the way, i was groomed when i was 11. i don’t think this is the time nor place for me to go into a whole ramble about the specifics of that, so i won’t. all that’s necessary right now is that it happened and within a year i started adding similar dynamics to a project i was working on.

it was a sideplot during my first nanowrimo attempt centered around a post-apocalyptic scenario. the jist of it was a kid in his mid-teens, think 16 or so, was romantically obsessed with a mid-20s, closer to 30 woman. the age difference was about the same. i would ask for advice on the story in general from my mom (phd in psychology, literally never had a problem with it lmfao, funny how that works).

was it ass? absolutely, it was. a 12 year old wrote it. it’s never seeing the light of day lmao. but it was really important in the process of me not fucking hating myself for years for thinking/internalizing that it was a moral failing on my part.

the thing about it is that at the time, it didn’t feel like coping. i felt like i was just writing about something that happens. fleshing it out in that sterile environment helped me get a grip of how fucking gross what happened to me was, while putting myself in a position where i had control over what happened, something i didn’t have irl. i didn’t even realize that’s what happened until i thought “ah yes, i started writing dark fic when i was 12, the same calendar year i was groomed.”

“…”

now i look at people arguing over the semantics of it, with fic of that type being morally reprehensible with exceptions like “only if you never share it” or “only if you use it to cope” or “using it to cope is morally reprehensible for this-or-that reason, don’t interact with it in any way other than seething rage or some other specific way”. while seething rage and pure fucking anger can be a totally fine way to deal with it, people who think in these kinds of ways need to remember: not everybody is you. making broad assumptions, nitpicking, and believing that your way is the only correct way does nothing but harm other victims by taking away an opportunity for them to work out their trauma, at best. at worst? it allows more predators to hide and commit tangible harm due to widespread assumptions that the people hurting others are the people posting fic, and not the “safe” adults playing into kids’ interests and making them feel important and special. (source: that’s what mine did; yucky bad fanfiction was never a part of the equation.)

i know what the response to this is. “ackshully posting it is doing harm because it normalizes it and gives predators the confidence to act on the thoughts they already have; the human psyche is more sensitive to porn and if you get tired of fiction you’re bound to turn to nonfiction”. this is where the age old disagreement comes into play, and while i don’t see much of a point in rehashing it for people who already have their minds made up on it, i would like to note a couple of things, firstly that humans aren’t mirrors. most people see things like this and recognize it’s wrong, just like they recognize that other subjects criminalized irl are wrong, such as murder, theft, etc. if somebody sees something problematic and decides it’s a good way to act, there was something already wrong, be it undiagnosed mental illness or being too young/impressionable to participate safely in such circles. i also find this viewpoint really cruel in that it takes responsibility away from the actual predators, essentially painting them as wild animals who “couldn’t help it, they became desensitized and just had to have more of that vile content you people make” when grooming is, at its core, a desire for power over another. im gonna come out and say it: predators are smart. they are called predators for a reason. thinking of them as lawless beasts who operate out of instinct is entirely disrespectful to victims.

the cold hard truth of the matter is that darkfic, no matter how disgusting people find it on a case by case basis, is morally neutral. it cannot damage anybody by simply existing unless warnings are ignored or it is actively weaponized, sometimes meaning that the content itself is removed from the protective warnings and wantonly put on display for large audiences of underage people to see.

i personally don’t like a whole lot of darkfic, im really picky about what i read. and i think that no matter my thoughts on it, it has a right to exist. idc, consider me a “bad victim” lmao. if you do that’s your cross to bear, not mine.

tldr: sometimes you need to express shit and fuck you if you try to enforce your own feelings on others trying to do so

[valleyoftheprimadonnagirl]

rant lolz i try avoiding bleak on here but it seems tumblr is the only place where i can be without judgement

____________________________________________

i know i say this a lot but i genuinely feel so unlovable sometimes i don’t even know if it’s my looks or the dark cloud of bad energy and bad luck that tends to loom over my head all the time i just i don’t know and the worst part is even if someone was willing to give their heart to me i’d push them away every single time, love feels like this really stuffy emotion it’s so overwhelming and odd and at times disgusting, romantic affection often feels like a chore and like some sort of coffin yet at the same time as much as i hate to say and admit it i crave it sometimes it gets lonely being so unwanted, i hate admitting these things because it reveals the thing i run away from the most that deep down i do feel wanna feel wanted and care for and it feels so gross and disgusting to even admit it, it makes me feel weak, i don’t think i was always like this, i think there was probably a time where i’d like to fantasize and dream id one day meet someone that would love me for me, not the other versions of me i’ve had to create for people i never really enjoyed their company, but just me, i quickly realized that me in itself wasn’t going to be enough and that i simply wouldn’t be the type of girls or people that would be admired or sought for and i’ve settled with that reality a long time ago, i truly have, i like being a realist it keeps grounded and it keeps me focused from not hoping for too much, but sometimes it’s so bleak being a realist i’d be lying if sometimes my mind doesn’t wander places, places where i am sought after, i am admired and i am loved unconditionally for being me, but the fall back to reality bruises deeply and i find myself regretting even going there and fantasizing

people say it doesn’t hurt to dream and fantasize but that’s untrue it’s probably the biggest form of self harm one can do

that’s why i think i love romance media so much i like seeing people enjoy/ living the fantasy i’ll never have it’s indulgent and most importantly it’s safe because i’m not the one that will ever have to go thru it

safety: that’s why i love sometimes being unwanted sure, it’s isolating and at times harrowing but it’s so safe.

my mom always tries to tell me that regardless of how horrible her marriage might’ve ended with my dad that i shouldn’t be scared to love, love is still a beautiful thing and experience isn’t bad to have regardless of how it may go but i strongly disagree nothing is more scary and disappointing and humiliating to pour urself into someone and something just for it to be split and discarded, i refuse and if that means never experiencing what i crave the most then i rather starve then put myself thru that humiliation and anguish.

[simp4konig]

Hii! So I’m new in the Call of Duty fandom but I don’t play the games like on the ps5, etc… I only play Call of Duty on my phone and I got addicted and began digging deeper so here I am! Since I don’t/can’t play the different games of cod do you recommend any channels on youtube that does an amazing walkthrough of the games? I really really want to watch some walkthroughs but I don’t know whats the order of watching each game?? Does each game connect to each other? I’m still kind of confused since I’m still new😅😅. I’m sorry to disturb you though but I hope you can help me😭

To summarise before I go on a useless tangent and ramble needlessly, here are short answers for your questions:

Yes, the games are related. Modern Warfare 1+2+3 are chronological, and are the same story with the same characters. Similarly, it is widely believed that the Black Ops series + Cold War take place in the same timeline as Modern Warfare. I know for certain that Cold War is connected to MWI+II+III because Captain Price is a playable character in multiplayer, and the Black Ops series mention the same villains.

There is no particular chronological order in terms of a greater narrative, however, if you want to understand the story of Modern Warfare, watch walkthroughs of MWI, MWII, and finally MWIII. Black Ops has its own series so if you want to watch those too, you can, however you won't be missing major plot points in Modern Warfare if you choose not to. Cold War is in the same timeline as Modern Warfare, but you won't be missing major plot points in Modern Warfare either if you choose not to.

My advice: Watch game walkthroughs (I would recommend at least once, even in 2x speed, just so you know the general gist of the lore).

Watch COD compilations (trust me, there's LOADS) that are 10–20 mins long, and feature the most iconic scenes in the game back-to-back so you aren't missing anything

Dont resd this if you dont want to!!!vvv it's long and its just me sympathising with you becsude im in the same situation 💀💀... Vvvvvvv

... LMAO IM THE WORWT PERWON TO ASK BECUASE I CANT PLAY THE GAMES EITHER DJDJDJDJDJSJSJSJSJJSJS 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Played MW and MWII, theold versions only💔And i DONT hsve a PS5 EITHER so i csnt play the remasyers/reimagines, neithet can my parents justify buying the games just to hage a 100gb game on our PS4😫😫 were in this together anon,... 😓

I mostly have been going on youtube and tyoing out "MW 2019 walkthrough" and "MW2 2022 walkthrough" to see wheyher the plot has chsnged so i can keep up to daye and understand whay the fandom is on about !! Since ive plaued the older remasters , i watch these in like 1.75 speed or even just skip parts bc i already kniw what's gonna haooen mostly 😙✌️ but any scenes that im like "WOAH wtf is this i dint rmeebrt this happening🤨" I watch them 10–20min compilations of certain charwcyer moments 😌 Because i honestlu do NOT hsve the time to watch a whole ass 9–12h video in multiple sittings, i have homework and studyijg to be doing‼️‼️

And fir my headcannond/fanfictions , "[insert character here] voicelines" so i can understand the characyer thru their voicelines (like König and Krueger), as well as seeing their skins and backstories on theit respevtive wikis, googling their respectivr countries, ajd builfing my vision of these by also reading OTHER people's headcannons/fanfictions !! If you were to resd my oldest works, youd see thay my König was the fanon König, but as ivr gotten more used to writing him and changing my perception of his character+personality, you can tell how how i write for him has slowly developed 🙌

i feel like a hypocritetelling u to watch MWIII tho because neitjer have i plaued it NOR watched a walkthru bc my fav characters DIE and i dont wanna put myself thru that just yet😇 obviously, with MWIII remaster here, i think ill hage to soon ....

Im honoufed u chode yo ask ME of sll people !!☺️❤️❤️❤️... So im sorfy i couldnt be more useful ☹️💔💔💔

[cocain3katesblog]

Ik this my Ed page but I just have to let this out there somehow. I just wanna let you the few ppl that follow me know who tired I am of fighting. I constantly have to battle my sadness and the way I do that is by not eating. I don’t eat so it can overwhelm the sadness. Everyday passes by but I still feel like I’m living the same day over and over again. I wish can’t handle this sadness anymore. I see my life from afar and I feel like I didn’t accomplish anything I feel like a background character in my own life story. How is this even possible ? I lost someone so dear to my heart and this January will be 2 years without them. I saw them struggle with feeling good down bc they were sick and I wouldn’t eat too so they didn’t feel alone in their battle. Now I can’t stop eating and think how I’ve let that person down. My own family even doesn’t like me. All the sudden they started to act like they care when that person passed. Even my own brother and father talk about me behind my back. I don’t want to physically harm myself bc I don’t want ppl to see how badly I’m struggling in the outside. I’d rather starve and suffer from the inside and slowly wither away like a wilted flower in the breeze. I hope no one finds this because I’m usually not the vulnerable type especially on social media but Ik this platform and the ppl that follow me share a similar story where it all started. I’m starving myself until I drop dead so I can just see that person again. I’m not brave enough to physically do anything to myself to end up dead so I decided to just waste away. That person was my main source of happiness and my only true friend. I can’t believe it took the passing of that persons death to realize that person was my entire world. I usually was able to sleep away the pain but now the pain has followed me into my dreams where I thought I could escape. I wake up crying or in my dreams I am crying and I can feel my facial expressions mimic crying. I don’t want help. I’m too far gone to be helped. Everyday I pray to god to just let me be free from the body and let me see that person one more time. I’d leave everything behind for that person. Every birthday wish, everyday New Year’s resolution, every night before I go to bed, I beg and plead to god to free me from this pain, this endless suffering. I told God to make that person better and I’ll do anything, anything! I’ll be a better person I’ll devote my life to the church I’ll detransition, I’ll do wtv it takes. In the end I guess my prayers weren’t heard. I cry almost everyday even when I laugh so hard I have tears running down my face for some reason I have the feeling to cry and just shut up and sit in silence. The day that person passed I looked in the mirror and saw someone else. Someone different. I didn’t recognize myself. I still don’t. I feel like I’m wearing someone else’s face. I don’t wish this on my worst fucking enemy. The loss of someone this close to you. I drown my sorrow by listening to sad music and reading poetry like Sylvia Plath and it does help for a little to know that someone in the world has felt this pain before and that I’m not alone but yet I look around and I see everything living their lives and I’m feel like I’m stuck. Maybe I deserve this torture. I put that person thru hell and back and even my own family says that I didn’t make their passing any easier. At the time I didn’t know to to express my feelings. How do you think a 15 year old highschool student is supposed to react to the news that someone you love is slowly passing away and you’re just watching? I was such a bad kid to that person and I’d do anything to have them back in my life. I want that person to hit me, yell at me, tell me how worthless I’ll be but at least I’ll that person would still be here. That person never hurt a single hair on my head and was just the sweetest soul a person can imagine. I still question why that person ? Why not me? Why did they have to suffer when I was the bad one? If I could , I’d be gone tmr but I can’t

[milo-is-rambling]

Being depressed with a pet is so weird like what do you mean I have to get out of bed bc funk wants to practice skateboard to earn sunflower seeds and now he’s yelling at me

[aheartunseen]

I was typing something sweet and cute for baby’s goodnight msg and I made myself sad by thinking about how even if we didn’t end up together, this what would be what I hope she took away from “us”/us meeting (the text msg)

I just HATE THE THOUHT OF LOSING HER IDK IDK LIKE IVE SUFFERED THRU sm in my life already, what’s another heart break added into that list?? I don’t wanna assume all of this but I just.. am so scared that she’ll leave me or abandon me like everyone else. She won’t choose me. My ex didn’t even choose me BC SHE CHOOSE SOME BITCH FRIEND WHO GHOSTED HER FOR 4 YEARS AND WANTED TO RECONNECT— and my ex claimed to love me (lol fuck you Josefin WHAT YOU DID WAS NOT LOVE AND I WILL DIE ON THAT HILL) —- so why wouldn’t she do the same?

Honestly maybe I’m starting to freak out about losing her bc tn I wanted to tell her I loved her. When we were staring into each others eyes, I felt so overwhelmed with emotions in a good way and I wasn’t sure how to express it thru FaceTime that I all I wanted to do was blurt out I LOVE YOU

I LOVE YOU

I fucking love you.

It’s been only about a month since we’ve met but LOVE DOESNT KNOW TIME. Love is the moments when I choose to be understanding instead of upset with her bc I’m jealous/hurt/etc. she makes me want to be a better person for her bc that’s what she deserves. Love is when she told me she had a hole in her shoe and the bottom was worn so I got her a new pair. Love is when i do what’s best for her, putting her ahead of myself because that’s what she deserves, always.

I want to think in my delulu mind, that she wanted to say it too at that same moment. But she’s holding herself back bc we haven’t met and it’s probably too soon BUT SHE SAID SHES NEVER FELT LIKE THIS BEFORE AND SHES OVERWHELMED WITH EMOTIONS TOO. Again I could be reaching on this but a girl can dream, can’t she

I love her….

[32flavorsotbbg]

10.23

Lots on my mind tonight. Faith is beating out at work because she can’t micromanage Mariah anymore. She’s losing her marbles lowkey like i feel like I’m watching her implode. She wouldn’t interact with me at all today. But unfortunately I can’t acknowledge the thing if she doesn’t bring up whatever’s bothering her. Cause I’m not about to draw it out of her. I’ve got my own stuff to worry about.

I know that if I pissed her off, that’s not really my problem. I didn’t go to Veronica to be malicious, I did it to give myself some peace of mind in the midst of not only the disorganization at work but eeevvveerryyyything else.

Being ghosted by a married man, my mom going thru literally stage four cancer and it honestly looking lowkey not great just from how feeble she’s gotten over the past few months. Her back feels stiff and just……idk it’s scary.

Just all of it. Life. Staring with whether or not I’m making the right move by moving out again. But it sounds like my parents are kinda financially stressed (long term). So it seems like I should get tf up outta here and kinda let them go thru this with a lil more privacy idk

It looks like ad and Jake saw Raymond last night. They took pics and ad put them on ig. Then when I called her to complain about work she didn’t bring it up at all but like, neither did I. She kinda seemed like she wanted to get off the phone lol maybe she doesn’t wanna talk about it.

Maybe he asked them not to say anything.

Maybe there is nothing to say.

Maybe whatever there is to say would just be even more like, mind boggling and it’s better if I don’t hear it.

Whatever the case, I don’t have fucking space for any of this shit lmao

Life is hard enough without being a single ish parent or your mom dying or your bd being trash or some man being a loser or your friend being mad because they’re hurt probably because your boss crossed you. It’s fucking messy lmao

I gotta dust off my resume dude fr I gotta go on and get. This did the trick for a minute but it’s very clear how fucked this is. I myself am cool off it. Idk how much longer I’ll be there but I do know I need to make moves ouuutttt.

This is going everywhere. That’s what my mind is doing rn I guess. And you know what’s so weird is like, Raymond is probably so deep in the trenches he doesn’t even think about me lol he probably can’t even remember my face on his own lmao a man

God how sad

How fucking sad to feel any type of way over this. It was, as is the case with most men, truly nothing.

But at the same time I do not want to believe that!

But unfortunately I think it was nothing lol which feels embarrassing.

Idk idk. Kinda wanna disappear for a min and come back hot af and then just like, reject everyone lol but not in a Paloma way… in a healed way. Reject as in it will be easier to detect the bullshit. Am I nuts?

Wish I could just leave my body whenever and go see whatever I’m dreaming at any time.

I gotta start trying to remember my dreams.

Good god where have I taken this lol I’m stoned 😛

I gotta figure this shit out nd get it together. Maybe I do need goals. Fuck.

[iluvajdotcom]

i’m so confused cuz i keep on checking up on these wack ass men… yet they don’t have the same care for me cuz i can’t even get a simple “how are you” once in a while??? i’m so fkn tired of this bs. i deserve better. if they can’t even do a simple check-up on me then how can i expect them to do more than that, in the future. seems like they’re incapable. they can fall back on their wack roster of wannabe emo girls with no substance or personality outside of looking cool. oops. sorry not sorry. go find another person that’ll waste their time upgrading you. cuz i can’t continue to keep putting myself thru this, wasting my energy & resources. & i bet emo girl #1 & emo girl #2 will be more than happy to chase u around like a flock of birds, while sucking ur dick & stroking ur ego at the same time. cuz thats what yall are looking for right? rip to my dating era cuz im fkn done. if they wanna contact or text me that’s fine but i’m done reaching out for fkn crumbs. go get ur wannabe emo girls, that ur so desperate to hook up with.

[blonde-n-dirty]

What’s going on, you’ve been quiet.

I don’t even know. Still pregnant, feeling sick, very very emotional, having a hard time eating. Had my 1st doc appt for the baby & got confirmation, I’m being monitored heavily for high blood pressure & im extremely high risk atp so they’re sending me to a high risk ObGYn I guess, so waiting for that referral & appt rn. I can currently do a sneak peak for the gender but I’m gunna wait a little longer. I put my mom on hospice & she’s fallen 3x in 2 days so they want to put her in a nursing home since I can’t give 24/7 care myself anymore, but my fam was raised to believe nursing homes is giving up on someone, so the second I told mom I couldn’t do this on my own, I got “so baby is more important & you just wanna give up & kill me. I’ll kill myself before I make it to a home.” Like ok what do I say/do w that?! I have no family to rely on & ask for help or guidance, my mom has a sister but she judges everything I do to care for these ppl & assumes she can do better, so will not even message her. So I have to do what’s best for ME bc nobody ever did or cared, I have to get called selfish when I know I’m not selfish I’m just being a mother which has always been my only dream, I have to deal w the guilt when she’s gone that I made her last months miserable bc I’m done overworking myself for someone who has never done the same in return. I told her she would’ve been dead 5-10yrs ago if I looked after myself 1st, so I saved her this long & she just doesn’t get it. Idk how to NOT have high BP in this environment.

So I just sit here feeling so guilty that I am over it, I have given up & chosen who matters more bc this fam has taken too much from me I won’t let them take my baby too. It’s just waking up & saying “let’s make it thru today” bc I know she could die tomorrow & I’ll miss her. But atp I’m done pouring energy into anything besides this fetus.

I’m overthinking constantly & feeling guilty & scared if I’m not nauseous or sleeping. There’s no happy moods anymore. Just surviving.

[bl6ckr0s3]

Back To My Roots

As soon as some bids came out, I put in 3 bids on tour 3. 2 are working at the dock, and one is working around the automation machine. Yes, I h8 automation, but hopefully this job won’t be as bad as coming in on graveyards working on the same shitty robot. I wish I was able to spend all evening separating and unsleeving the trays of 3 digit and 5 digit mail. Such an easy job and it keeps me busy in 1 spot. When Shea is my supervisor, he allows me to do that which is smart. Sadly, Tim and Jamie ain’t the same way. I remember when Jamie was asking him something about what he was or wasn’t aware of then I remember Tim was responding back to him like he thought he knew something, then he said he must’ve been tired. Lol. All I know is I just need to get back to my old tour, because 1 is definitely not working out for me since I got here. I rather be doing something different on my preferred schedule than what I am currently stuck doing right now.

I haven’t called back the court yet about being able to have a conference call during the hearing. I just haven’t made any time to do it because as much as I should be there present, I rather avoid dealing with my son’s father as much as possible. If I have to deal with the child support bullshit again with the father, then that will be handled next time the same way with a mediator.

I had been calling off work more than I should’ve since I been here. Hopefully, I will still have my job until I am able to bid out then hopefully I can do better with my attendance and fix it on my preferred shift. Tour 1 really has fucked up my sleep. I am honestly not really worried about being writtened up either because I got many other issues to deal with and I don’t have time for anybody’s bullshit whether they care or not.

Evertime me and Joshua are out doing runs on Uber deliveries, I miss the times I am able to eat out, go to shows, do all the things I was able to do and still had some money to myself. I really am sad that I had it better back in the older days when I was financially stable. I took a lot of those times for granted, but at the same time I know I had it better back then even when I had my own place in San Bernardino. Everything got all fucked up ever since Covid19 hit the world. As we are driving around thru all these nice neighborhoods with big beautiful homes and a lot of yard space, I feel sad that I may take a long ass time before we may possibly have anything like that in the future. Even just to have a small house will make me happy. No more renting apartments, being able to even rent a home would be a blessing to just have all the space we need for our things rather than to spend extra money on storage. My photography won’t be able to expand anytime soon. I been wanting to get a 2nd job, but Joshua wants us doing the Uber deliveries together which hasn’t been a consistent thing with our schedules, and the amount of rides that come thru the app ranges because if you are wanting to work in a certain nice rich area that’s clean and has no drug addicts and a lot of homeless roaming around, we are less likely to run into accidents.

We have witnessed a shooting at the front of some guy’s front yard with some psychotic chick in her big red pick up truck yelling at his ass when he was busy talking to another female outside his home. Next thing you know, we were hearing gun shots from that lady trying to shoot up the guy. We didn’t stick around to see what happens because we didn’t wanna get shot. We have witnessed a couple of bad accidents including a huge group of a motorcycle crew that we’re doing a bunch of stupid stunts on the road and riding on sidewalks then we saw a car got into a wreck with one of them. The car’s front end was pretty much done and there was so much leakage coming from the vehicle from the crash. We just choose to avoid the ghetto parts of Nashville. Doing deliveries around apartments is also a pain in the ass especially if you are having to hunt down their place instead of the person coming outside to meet you to get their order which makes the delivery a lot easy and less time consuming. With the nice areas, we just deliver to houses which are easier to locate and find.

Joshua has been having conversations with his friend William (who helped produce his “Peacemaker” song) of him joining Royalty Kult and possibly writing and recording music together. He lives in. N. Carolina. They have plans on just doing Skype or zoom meetings to write their material and when there is an opportunity to do mini tours next year, hopefully they will be able to get a full band together by then. All they need is a drummer and a 2nd guitarist. Mike from BIAS may be joining his project because things doesn’t seem to be working out with them in the long run. He also has plans to move to N. Carolina because his dad lives there.

From what I been hearing and seeing on social media, seems like more people are planning on leaving California.