#no hope for women. fuck my stupid baka life. but also this is a good thing and also i have it sooooo good which is soooo unfair to everyone
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update i have to apply for my own job for the SECOND time in two years by wednesday and im taking my learners permit test on friday which means i have to finish absorbing the drivers manual by then. the way i am LONGING to walk into traffic.
#the driving thing is just extra stress but the applying for my own job AGAIN thing is making me absofuckingLUTELY insane. this process was#so psychically damaging for me to go through a year ago and the fact that exactly a year later i am doing it again and have to jump thru all#the same hoops and write a new cover letter and find new references and INTERVIEW with my colleagues and all that… like i appreciate this so#much bc basically what is happening is im getting a raise and will be converted to a regular employee (im contractual rn bc that’s all they#could do when i graduated). but like the fact that i am once again under the MORTIFYING psychic stress of my colleagues being the search#committee and me being u able to talk to them abt this or get reassurance and them having to treat me like they don’t know me and this not#being guaranteed and other people potentially applying and me having to compete with them… it is too much fucking stress for me to go#through. it’s just too fucking much. i am so mentally and emotionally exhausted and now i have to walk through fire AGAIN⁉️⁉️⁉️ i wanna KMS#like it’s fine. but also the existential dreaddddd the way i cannot bear to live through this one more time but i have to and im going to. 😍#purrs#delete later#like i get it and i know it’s to make it fair and equitable. but whyyyyy do they have to put me through this again have i not proven myself#time and time again is this job not QUITE LITERALLY designed for me to be in it. and it’s not merely an annoyance it’s like… actively a#stressor that is taking years off my life just like it did last year and the timeline is even more accelerated bc last year i had two weeks#to apply and this time i have FIVE DAYS!!!!! and i have to reach out to references and i can’t do that until monday bc it’s the weekend 😭😭😭😭#like LMFOAHDHSKDHSODHAJJB of course this is happening to meeeeee im going fucking insane. also i might have to do this a THIRD time someday#and i would have to get a masters degree for that too. so basically the only path forward is CEASELESS suffering and psychic agony. there is#no hope for women. fuck my stupid baka life. but also this is a good thing and also i have it sooooo good which is soooo unfair to everyone#else for example possibly wasting everyone else’s time who applies for this job. but also fuck my stupid baka life.#technically im applying for this job for the second time in 365 days. like it’s not even two years it’s that i did this a year ago and now a#year later im doing it again. LESS than a year later. it hasn’t even been a full year yet. help 😻👍#if february 9 2022 me fucking knew what HORRORS awaited her 24 hours from then and 3 months from then and 5 months from then and 15 months f#from then. she would have imploded LMFAOOOOOOOO
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