#but at the same time I just generally feel exhausted atm

[yaminerua]

I miss selling at those smaller local cons I used to go to as well. I always hoped I’d gather the courage to sell at a bigger one some day but then the pandemic hit and then my laptop died and I couldn’t get any art drawn until literally this year when I was given an iPad bc I still haven’t managed to sort out a replacement laptop lmao but even then I haven’t done much since the initial burst when I first got given it ;;;

I wanted to make loads of charms and other things back when I sold at cons but I couldn’t afford them and just did badges and stickers and prints and now all my old stuff is years old and I never added new stuff to it rip

And I can’t seem to get back into the productivity flow I used to have and I wish I could. So much has fallen off between then and now and I’m still trying to crawl back to getting even little doodles done again;; I really miss when I was always able to draw whenever I sat down to

now I mostly sit thinking about drawing or writing and when I try to actually do it my brain shuts down

[dol-dee]

what does limone think of cow ladies,,,

cant stop thinking about her teasing me for needing to be milked so often, and she grabs and gropes me whenever she feels like just to get me all hot and flustered throughout the day, until im so needy and leaky and desperate to be milked,,,,,,,

dw they'd tease you for it but forgive you

"Ahaha- woww, I haven't even started and your brain is already leaking out between your legs.. how cute~" I know you came here for fun horny times, but you unknowingly (and unfortunately) opened a can of worms. So you will have to listen to me break down Limones deal and psyche a little first. Apologies <3 

So the thing with Limone, is that they’re a human fucker first and foremost unfortunately. 

Doesn’t mean they won’t have some fun with you, if you have a TF or two. But it’s a lot less likely that they will get fixated on you. (i.e.: starts pestering you 24/7 and takes notes on you in their encyclopedia when back at home like a freak)

(I wont say never, but both the characters they’re fixated on atm are full humans, with very bad awareness- who are also church related in some way, lol)

The sliding scale is essentially:

(Human) on one side and (Inhuman) Plantpeople on the other. Limone is a little off from the plant people position)

Basically, anyone who started out as a human and has gained a Transformation would still read as inherently more human, than inhuman to them, compared to wolf people for example. The more TFs a person has, the more they start to be in a weird, muddy inbetween area (still recognizable as human though and always more human than Limone) - but they might be a little less compelled because of that. That’s due to a few things:

(They subconsciously want to be seen as, treated and held to the same standard as a human. Even when they keep falling short of it lmao.  It’s debatable how successful they are in that regard but they go out of their way to suppress a lot of their instincts.)

Limone is technically a 100% plant person. I say technically, because theyre a plantperson gone wrong, gone inadvertently merged with a human- whoops. and unaware of it- whooooopsss Thus their biggest internal conflict is the way that speck of humanity clashes with their nature as a plant person and the inherent suffering that comes with humanity in general. They don’t like other plant people. Are disgusted by their natural inclinations, their lack of self control and unwitting cruelty*

‘I am NOT like them, Limone wants to snarl. Nothing like those other mindless drones, with no common sense or self control- Who pluck wings from insects just as easily as they do limbs from people just to sate their own sick curiosity.’

*(Little note to add here: in my personal canon, plant people are kind of  hive mind-ish and very much Fae-like in disposition. They are quite cheerful and bubbly and maybe even nice sometimes, but will be cruel at the drop of a hat and not even realize that’s what they’re doing. So imo they end up killing the majority of the people they abduct. Just by virtue of their carelessness, plus the over exhaustion due to sex and nectar overdoses)

Limone vaguely knows that something is wrong with them, but isn't aware of the what or why. They know how they *should* be and they know what they want to be. But they dont really fit into either category.  Too human to be like every other plant person npc, yet not human enough to truly fit in as one. So If they can't be what they physically are, and they feel this draw to people, then that must mean that they are a human. or at least a person. maybe?

They aren’t though. 

Emotions overwhelm them, because theyre not really supposed to experience them and even then, the range that they have (so far?) is limited. (And they cope with it by self harming; they abuse pain to force their body to overwrite any overwhelming/unpleasant emotions they’re feeling)

They pride themself on their self-control compared to regular plantpeople and the fact that they don’t rape or kill humans but Limone arguably, encroaches on that territory. It just veers on the side of dubcon rather than noncon. So it might be more gradual than outright force, but they keep poking, prodding and pestering until, Luci for example, gives in. They have a predatory/sadistic streak in them no matter how much they like to think that they de-fanged themself or are better than other plantpeople. They ofc wouldn't like it at all when if its put like that.

Then there's the obvious physical differences: They can morph their body to a degree, they have yellow skin, black sclera- yellow eyes, a black tongue and sharp teeth (even when they can rip them out and regrow them). They can’t die, can squish their own memories out of existence like pimples, can manipulate vines and grow plants easily. Substances don’t work on them. They wouldn’t even need to eat if they hadn’t made it so they could.

Because of (gestures at previous chunk of text) all of that, they tend to most easily grow fixated on humans with no TFs. Because they idolize humanity somewhat. Not to an unhealthy degree. They just adore humans and are fascinated by them. So infinitely complex and bright. No one human quite like the other.

You’re lucky though, because they are a very hedonistic person (and a whore) so they like to have fun. Wherever they remember you after or actively pursue you is a different story though.

Okay enough explanations- Time for dirty talk:

Yes, Limone would have a lot of fun teasing you. They’ve made themself lactate before, they know how agonizing it can be. How uncomfortable it is to run around with plump, full tits, practically begging to be milked.

It depends how sadistic they’re feeling at the time. They’d enjoy giving you immediate relief, just as much as being a lil mean.

With the first one they’d pull you on their lap and start to fondle you. Rubbing your nipples through your shirt until milk soaks it through. It’s then that they would milk you outright. Giggling and praising you for being such a good little cow for them. They’re sure you’re soaking through your underwear just like you did your shirt. They’d look forward to licking up your slick, after making you cum several times on their lap, tits finally dry and nipples sore.(Human substances is the closest they can get to a high)

If they’re feeling a little more mean and playful it will be a long, drawn out thing. That knowing gaze boring into you and so very humiliating when you can’t see anything but their mean little smile. They will work you up soo much. Fleeting touches, mean pinches, flicks and more groping. Sweetly asks you if you’re desperate enough to moo for them. There’s a 50/50 chance that they would still not milk you even if you do. Too entertained by your pathetic flush, teary eyes and pitifully drenched shirt. 

Just be prepared to get dropped like a hot potato if one of their current fixations crosses your path :(

[reikunrei]

i honestly cannot get over how much this scene from tfs

reminds me of terry stuck in her chair in st2

especially how much her dress is reminiscent of the sheet(?) over henry's lap, and arms in the same pose on the arms of the chair (yes, i know henry is tied down and that's the logical place to do it, but still). even the cuffs on her sweater are visually similar to that of the straps tying henry down

it took me a minute to connect the visual back to terry, but with the general context of the scene in question (brenner talking to henry about the kids in the lab, how he's been behaving well enough that he's now allowed to meet them, etc.) i was immediately looking at it like "this looks like a woman just coming out of a rough pregnancy/delivery who was barred from seeing the kids due to her acting out of sorts/unhealthily." and maybe it's just because of all of henward's mother coding (shoutout to mothergate and the post of all time by james) but with all the sa coding throughout tfs, the weirdness with henry's supposed relation to the lab kids, etc... i definitely feel like it's a connection we're meant to make

and while i don't have the full context from that tfs scene yet, james and em have also said that henry is way out of it in that whole sequence (and you can really tell in the still of him looking down at where brenner is touching him. he looks exhausted). which only further reminds me of terry, not just in the sense of her being involved in hnl drug programs and mkultra, but also her general state after she's been zapped (not to mention how terry has no real way to communicate other than these flashes of memories using her/el's powers, much like how atp henry has no real way to communicate the truth to anyone, including the audience, so we have to form our own conclusions based on the fragmented evidence we're given, but anyway)

which, speaking of...

sure, a ball gag and a bite block/mouth guard aren't exactly the same thing, but they could be used for similar purposes (in this case, to prevent biting. in the case of terry, to keep her from biting her own tongue. for henry? perhaps the same case, but likely also to prevent biting others if his arms are also strapped down)

and with the question of henry's relation to the lab kids/el specifically, it brings me back to the idea that el and jane might not be the same person at all and it was more of a mixup/el misunderstanding what terry showed her, etc. (which has been talked about countless times before by multiple people but i can't find the posts atm rip im so sorry)

and so if we're meant to make a connection between henry and terry with these visuals, plus with the whole "henry was being kept away from the kids for misbehaving" and "terry was punished for trying to find her child after she was taken from her" ... i feel like it's stupid to not draw a line between the two of them and reach the conclusion that henry fathered (or mothered) at least some of the lab kids. and to then see terry fight so hard to get jane back... only to be shown 001 (some version of henry) doing everything he can to save el as well?

anyway i can't remember where i was going with this post anymore lol. long story short, i think this new visual from tfs is just one more nail in the mothergate coffin, and henry definitely was used to breed more powerful kids, and the close tie to terry just makes me think that he really and truly fathered el

[a-ackermann]

RP RULES

This will only be a brief synopsis of my rules and standards, after reading below if interested please dm me, we can discuss rules and boundaries more in depth prior to beginning an rp. As of now all rps I’m opening are AoT exclusive.

- As a literate writer, varying on how detailed or lengthy of a writer you are will of course effect my responses, however please consider that me being a literate writer means the majority of my responses will be longer, varying 2-10 paragraphs, overall I max out at 3k word replies (IF that is what we’re going for). So long as there’s something for me to actually form a real response to I’ll gladly keep a rp alive.

- I will portray most canon characters and am very open to either SFW or NSFW plots, though when it comes to my own prompts my rps tend to turn NSFW eventually. (though I’m very strict about enforcing slow-burn say it were a build up to romance.) I tend to prefer playing as my OC with canon characters, obviously I ship my OC with Levi but this doesn’t mean I exclusively rp with Levi mains/portrayers. I’m open to about anything so long as you reach out with a suggestion. If you wish to have no NSFW content whatsoever, or at the least no sexual content please let me know!!!! I have no issues with these accommodations just because I’m a freaky little goose in the pond.

- I do not write homosexual pairings, both mxm and fxf. I’m a straight woman, who used to identify as a trans gay man when I used to write for gay pairings exclusively, if I were to do that now I’d feel as if I’m fetishizing. So respectfully, please don’t come to me asking for this because I have no exceptions.

- Regarding sexual content, I will not engage in any beastiality, scat/piss fetishes, DDLG/MDLG/age-play, etc, basically if it could get you in legal trouble or it’s just generally fucking disgusting don’t even bother suggesting it. Reiterating here, I enjoy getting freaky in writing now and then, but I won’t ever make it the exclusive theme of the rp.

- Please understand I love doing this in my free time,

FREE TIME!!!

Meaning, no, I am not ignoring you. I’m an outspoken and confrontational person by nature, if there is an issue I will openly address it to your face before ending a role play, guaranteed. Therefore, give me time if I haven’t updated you whatsoever, as in not even to say that I’m answering you soon, because I’m either at work or at home rotting after work.

- If you’re looking for me to play a specific character for you in one rp and you’re willing to portray for me in another at the same time lmk!! I know it can be exhausting writing as a character for someone else’s appeal when you also have an idea to execute.

- If you dislike the way I write for a character, please let me know so that we can discuss it and potentially work out changing things about my portrayal to better suit your expectations. I’m very open to criticism so long as it comes from good intentions.

- If you want to restart an rp by all means please speak up!! It’s very difficult to rouse or annoy me over an rp, I’d rather know you’re unsatisfied than continue leading an rp knowing you’re struggling to come up with a response.

- ISO long-term rp partners atm, I’m very interested in meeting other compatible writers.

- I’m not hellbent on any particular platform, I prefer Discord, otherwise if there’s an app you’d prefer to talk on just let me know.

- Finally, I can be picky with what rps that I open and those I engage with, though this doesn’t mean I’ll shoot you down immediately if I don’t like your suggestion, I’ll most likely stay and work with you til we’re both happy with a plot unless what you’re looking for is something I’m entirely disinterested in.

Please do not be afraid to reach out to me!! Even if we end up not starting an rp together I can assure you I will get back to you and I wont be upset if you have questions either 💙💙💙💙💙

P.S. Just to avoid further confusion, I’m continuing to go under my OC name on this account 💙

[lixxen]

Danny Phantom Headcanons/World Building (Masterpost)

So I rewatched Danny Phantom within the last week (of the time of creating this) and forgot how much I love it. I'm falling back down the rabbit hole and have started to collect my own HC/world building. This is just a collection of me putting ideas together that my brain was rattling off while watching and a few wiki deep dives. This will probably change as I get more into things and read more fanon. But like. This isn't canon stuff at all and is meant more as a base of operations for any fics I'm gonna write for AO3/drabbles for Tumblr.

Content warnings: mentioned of childhood trauma, minor graphic descriptions, talk about death

---

I was into DP as a kid but was never into the fanbase and online spaces. So some of this is from me as a kid/teenager interpreting the show on my own. And sorry if it contradicts canon or is similar to what other people have said before. Genuinely most of this is from me as a kid or just me rewatching the show. I've noticed some of the things I already was thinking about in fics or in a few posts I've seen floating around.

---

Danny specific

Danny did die in The Accident, but was practically zapped back to life at the same time due to the Ghost Zone choosing him. It rewrote his DNA, so he was still a functioning human but with Ghost DNA. Unlike Vlad, whose DNA was just rewritten since he was hit with a pure blast of eco-energy. So think of it as like dying in the hospital but automatically being resuscitated but the resuscitation alters your DNA.

Danny doesn't need to sleep or eat a lot of human food often if he doesn't exhaust his human form. Human functions only apply to his human half, so if he stays in his Ghost half then he will not get tired or hungry in that form. But when he transforms back, he will feel it and need to eat or sleep off what he's done as a human.

He needs to consume/absorb ectoplasm just as much as he needs to eat food. It is more of a balance in his system between Ghost and human. So he will eat ectoplasm (normally while in ghost form but he will do it in his human form since it doesn't matter which form, unlike human food).

Danny's Haunt is Amity Park (see Ghost Haunts)

He is the Ghost Zone's core, as he was chosen by the Ghost Zone (see Ghost Cores).

His own core is an ice core.

Jazz and Danny are very close from a young age since their parents are more or less absent. She raises Danny practically, and once he gets into high school and The Accident happens he drifts because of the secret. This is why Jazz throws herself into psychology.

Danny gained Jazz's music taste over the years from exposure, so he likes different genres and doesn't really have a favorite. Jazz recently has an emo phase before The Accident, so he currently enjoys rock, alt rock, and general alt music ATM. He likes pop because that's the genre his peers are into (like Ember). He's never really had a big opinion about music, so he just listens to what is around him

Out of some of the alt rock bands, he listens to what's popular. Jazz showed him Fall Out Boy and Set It Off first to ease him into it, and he likes them.

Danny's ghostly tied item is a small rocket ship toy his parents bought him (see Ghostly tied items. Also called Ghost objects)

Danny is a trans man, but in Reality Trip he may have changed this. I might expand on this, but as a trans person I automatically saw the opportunity and after that we see him without a shirt so I made jokes about how he changed himself to be cis.

I also see him as bisexual, female preference. But he doesn't really think it's important to label his sexuality and has only really had three crushes and he's 14 when he realizes it because he gets a crush on a random guy for two seconds then moves on. He's 14 he doesn't need to have it figured out, y'know? I didn't when I was his age so it doesn't actually matter to him. He just knows he's fruity

Danny has nightmares. Bad nightmares. Nightmares of being dissected by his parents, Amity Park mobbing him for a witch hunt, his friends dying, of Dan (TUE evil Danny will be referred to as Dan) coming back. Stuff like that.

Danny is touch starved from an absent parent childhood. Don't get him wrong, they were there and showed him love and they're so proud of him. But they weren't... there. Y'know? They would give him hugs here and there but he doesn't have positive physical contact memories. So whenever his friends hug him he loves it. When they hold hands he loves it.

Danny and Tucker are close. In the way that when they were younger they'd take naps next to each other. They're platonic and people thought they were dating in middle school before Sam joined them. Sam wasn't always goth and was more opened up in middle school. But 8th grade hit and she saw Jazz go into her emo phase and she found goth and that scene understood how she felt inside (insert Sam's trauma from being in a picture perfect family and the pressure coupled up with her parents controlling her every move. And she just doesn't like pink and light colored stuff y'know). Sam also enjoys the contact, but only from her friends and mom. She loves her mom. I got off topic, but she would never actually use the photo against them. Besides, she partook in the sleep pile and still does. They just never talk about it.

He's called Daniel (aka full named) by Vlad and Lancer because it's them genuinely respecting his identity. Lancer did it to reinforce the name. The town is actually very pro-trans and accepted Danny with ease. But some people still messed up, y'know. So Lancer does his best (he cares deeply about his students)

Talking about Lancer; he noticed Danny's changes in behavior. After Danny spent a few days in the hospital for The Accident, Danny changed. He is constantly worried for Danny.

Dash and the popular kids also noticed and let up for a bit and did feel bad for him. On days he's visibly not feeling good, they don't bully him. They're not heartless. Just bullies.

The class knows he was in an ecto based accident, so they think that's why he's a bit weird and the ghosts are attracted to him. Even if others don't believe it, they just go along with it for the sake of Danny

Danny is also the Ghost King. After defeating Pariah Dark, the recrowning process starts and months later he ends up being King. Clockwork hints that this was planned from before he was born since he knows how time will go. Clockwork had made sure he got to this point.

Danny begrudgingly became king and is actually quite happy with it. The ghosts treat him slightly better and they've come to a mutual understanding with Danny.

Danny really likes space and he has a collection of space books and rocket ship models. He's been to Cape Canaveral multiple times with his family and he used to spend nights on his roof with Jazz looking at constellations. That's why when they went to camp that Sam made them watch the stars. She knew that he wanted to be an astronaut and admired the stars

Danny's ghostly obsession is protection (see Ghostly obsessions). Since he is half ghost, he isn't always having to obey his ghostly obsession. But he doesn't have a say in it. Some days he is strongly attached to it, when something triggers it or it's just one of those days. Then sometimes he has almost no connection to it. It's why sometimes he would rather not deal with everything and wants to give up his powers (or doesn't care) then turns around and is over protective. But in the end, it's protection because his subconscious recognizes he should have been protected from the accident and that no one looked after him to stop it.

Danny also never gets sick. If something's up, it's ghost related.

Being Ghost King means that he is one of the most powerful ghosts. He just is too young and inexperienced to understand and be able to use his power. We already know Dan was the most powerful, so its possible.

Have I mentioned that he is begrudgingly King, so whenever he is interrupted in his daily life for King duties, he is openly annoyed.

The ghosts fetching him will overshadow his classmates to talk to him, or Sam and Tucker, since he made it clear his human life cannot cross paths. They respect their king so after the first time of him enforcing it they just stuck to overshadowing.

Danny is 100% repelled by blood blossoms as a ghost and is only allergic as human. He will sneeze if he smells them, get rashes and hives if he touches them. If he ingests small amounts he will just get sick and poisoned, throat will swell slightly and tongue goes numb. He may have bad stomach problems. But if he eats a lot it can possibly send him into anaphylactic shock. (I have more on blood blossoms later)

Danny does have gnarly scarring on his chest and back from the Accident. It disappears into his skin as a ghost, since ghosts seem to not show injuries or death related scars on them. But as a human they're raised; some parts pink and some white. They spiderweb across his chest and back, blossoming out of his right (our left) side. He has some on the back of his neck and there's a few underneath his hair (which is thick enough to cover). There's a few scarring on his arms and hands, but they're small enough to not be noticed.

His eyes used to be fully blue, like an icey lighter blue with dark blue edges, but around the edges are little spikes of green that you can't see unless you're close and looking into them. Dash noticed it one day when he pushed Danny against a wall and commented on it. Danny called him a weirdo for looking into his eyes enough to notice.

He will get phantom pains randomly in his chest. They're from his organs being damaged from the Accident and his core sits near where his heart is when he's a ghost, so if his core is hurt then his heart aches. Vice versa.

Danny's death was horrible and every once in a while he gets flashes of it. His ghost and human half will try to fully take over and he will have the feeling shoot through him and he kinda jolts. His eyes will change slightly, just a moment of flickering.

Danny always has a pull or need to go into the Ghost Zone. It's like his DNA is calling to go home and absorb the natural energy. It is also because he is the core of the Ghost Zone (will be explained later)

I feel like Danny would have trust issues and PTSD. He'd hate sudden loud noises and sudden blinding light. It will shake him to the core because of the accident. He doesn't like thunder and lightning (the type that lights up the room and is really close and blinding. Not the distant little line in the sky ones)

I feel like he would also not have a good sense of self identity. He would feel alienated from humans AND ghosts because of how Ghosts don't treat him like normal, and how humans just aren't the same anymore and the ones who know treat him differently. Even if the ones who don't know, he just can't fully relate anymore. He also can't be close to the only two (technically) who can relate since Dani isn't around and he doesn't trust Vlad. Makes him uneasy and feel like shit constantly. (Also the fact that he doesn't feel like a guy fully and can't relate to girls anymore but has the lingering connection. Y'know, trans stuff).

Human world

A lot of this is set Post-S2 and Pre-Phanton Planet and most of S3, so Vlad is mayor but no one besides Sam, Tucker, and Jazz know for (canon) humans. Thought I'd give a timeline.

The town LOVES Phantom. After a year or two of him openly saving people, they treat him differently. The Fentons still don't like him but barely tolerate him. They'll try to capture him still and want to dissect him.

The town as a whole think the Fentons are crackjobs that shouldn't have the funding they do, but if they're managing ghost levels with Phantom then they're okay to stay. They also acknowledge that as destructive as the two parents are, they do actually help and know what they're doing

There's different types of ghost hunters in the world; theology based and science based. It depends what region you're from and your roots.

There are people like the Fentons, Men in White, and the various others we see who are science based and somewhat understand very basic ghost biology and rules because they studied it and went to school for it (or have scientist families).

Then there's theology based hunters (who would best be compared to the Winchesters in SPN) who come from lines of old school hunters. The theology hunters are just as valid because their system works (salt and iron work, holy water depends on the type). But the scientific world laughs at them because they're seen as archaic and outdated.

Blood blossoms were bred centuries ago by the original theology hunters. The legend states that a hunter received seeds from their god and was told to burry it in salt and iron inside of a graveyard. The flowers grew into blood red flowers and kept ghosts away. They were bred with a few other flowers to have them in different regions. There are no cases of allergies or being harmful to humans, even for ones that were centuries ago crossbred with flowers that are known to not be good for consumption. They seem to always be edible to humans and are grown in churches and graveyards specifically. They taste like rose and sweet, according to people who have access to them.

The town didn't believe in ghosts at first, but did halfway through S1.

Wes exists in this. I know enough about Wes to say that he just happens to be a ginger look alike to Danny and they were friends in middle school. His parents told him to stop being friends with Danny, especially post-accident. He is one of the first to realize Danny is Phantom and isn't fixed in Reality Trip since Danny thinks it's HILARIOUS. And nobody believes Wes.

Word travels quickly in this small town, like normal. So there's a giant gossip mill; being anywhere near the popular kids will give you a chance to hear just about anything and you can get about anything in there if you talk loud about. Tucker and Sam use this to their advantage sometimes. So do other students. It's great

The town loves Vlad, but think he's weird as hell. They can tell he beefs with Danny but doesn't know why.

Talking bout Vlad, his ghostly obsession is being loved. That's why he is so obsessed with Maddie Fenton. When he found out Danny was half ghost like him, he was added to the need for love. He wants Danny to love him like a father just as much as Maddie to love him as a husband. But as Maddie rejects him, he starts to shift his focus more on Danny becoming his son. He acknowledges that Danny will never want to be his kid, so that's why he creates the clones. He's a really lonely dude and his obsession is what basically corrupted him and turned him evil, from being unchecked and never balanced. If he was regulated like Danny, he would be just like Danny and less effected by it.

For the clones, Dani was actually the perfect clone because she was the only female clone. Vlad just didn't like that and so he wanted to have a perfect male one to be respectful to Danny. But he realized it later on and that's why he wanted Dani to come back and stabilize her after he lost the Perfect Clone.

The other clones weren't perfect, which led to them being barely sentient. They were ghost alive. But... they were practically hive minded.

Anyways, Dani is just out in the world stabilized now. She came back and got Dani to use his cool King powers to fix her. She still met Valerie and D-Stabalized events kinda happened but not at that time and exact. So Valerie knows about Dani and likes her. Y'know? You do.

Valerie figures out Vlad isn't a great dude, but she's gonna use his resources and just go along with his shit and kinda comes to an agreement with Vlad. Vlad does slightly care about her through proxy because of Danny.

Vlad doesn't personally care about people in Danny's life, but goddamn is he gonna by proxy care because he wants Danny to be happy. Vlad also does care about Jazz. Just not as much sadly.

Jazz is liked by the popular kids by the way. She's a bit weird, she's a Fenton. But they think she's very pretty and Jazz helps them pass classes. So who cares if she's related to the loser kid? She's older and cool in their eyes.

Jazz knows this. She's very smart. But she takes any friendship she can get.

I think I genuinely need to talk about Jack and Maddie for a second. They're not bad parents... they're just... they're not good parents. They genuinely love their kids. Jazz and Danny are the highlights of their life and they'd do anything to protect them. They just get carried away and are just too focused on their work so they became very absent and just not good parents. They never meant to be like this and they just never realized how badly it has gone. They don't realize the implications of growing up around aggressive environments are. They're not aggressive to the children, but seeing parents be aggressive in that degree to the point of making weapons will do something to kids. Even if the kids are just annoyed at this point. Jazz recognizes this and that's why she spent so much time trying to support Danny in the way she never got.

Also, the world does view Amity Park as one of the most haunted places. But they think it's more gimmick like. And since they don't have any hotels or Airbnb, no one really visits. The town made sure to not let hotels build in their town for this reason. The only thing you'll get is an Inn fifteen miles outside town limits. People do visit for ghosts. But it's not like people do for Salem or Point Pleasant.

His class over time realizes Danny is actually important to the ghosts because of small occurrences. But they don't know who he is. Eventually, they will find out one by one and be relatively chill about it in front of Danny. Only in front of Danny. Behind his back they're like oh my god he's phantom, king of ghosts. Guys what the fuc-

Ghost Zone/Ghosts

To start it off, there are different levels of ghosts. There's a hierarchy based off of power and respect. The more powerful you are, the higher you are and respected. There can be higher ghosts who aren't powerful due to respect.

There's the regular ones that we see, the Ancient ones that are canon, then there's the ghoul looking ones that are just generic and their obsession/items are fairly simple so they aren't too out there and can be controlled by others, then blob ones that are barely sentient. The blobs are usually animal souls that don't end up like Wulf or the other animal ones we've had episodes around.

Ghosts are created by extreme emotion and are fueled by human emotion and ectoplasm. Either they died with a ton of emotion or someone had too much emotion surrounding their death (that's why blobs tend to be pets that died. Or ghoul like ones had enough people shocked and upset over their death).

Their bodies run off of ectoplasm and ecto energy, which holds them together and fuels them. It allows them to conjure themselves and exist because the Ghost Zone gives it to them.

They are drawn to people who have been exposed to major ecto energy (which would be why they're drawn to Amity Park. So much exposure everywhere. So much) or heavy emotions. Which is why a lot of them feed off of them too

Ghost Cores are the metaphorical hearts and souls of ghosts. It hold their emotion and energy together. It fuels them and keeps them pulled together. If you get rid of the core/destroy it, the Ghost is completely gone. It cannot move on. It cannot reform. It's deader than dead. If you harm the core simply, they can barely keep form. They kinda become goopy and become extremely tangible. It causes their being to not keep.

There are different types of cores, as such in canon. You can have mixed cores or normal cores. Depends on your powers and your color is based off of your alignment and core.

Ghostly obsessions is what raw emotion effected the ghost. They could have had this obsession all their life, like Box Ghost loving boxes, or having to surround their death, like Danny's being protection. They are compelled by their obsession. They must follow it and are obsessed. They can be normal sometimes, but it's only when their obsession is not being challenged. That is your very being because it fuels your core with that very emotion and can give you powers.

Your ghostly tied item/ghost item is what you are tied to in the real world and you are tethered to. If it is destroyed, you are forced to move on. It isn't like the core, as that is the heart/soul. This is more like a leash that allows them to be connected to the human world and not just the Ghost Zone. Some ghosts don't know what it is or where it is. But Johnny 13 has his bike, Pandora's is her box. Danny's is a rocket replica because his parents gave it to him and he protects it. But some of them simply don't know where it is and don't care. Some have things that were buried with them or clothing they loved. They're still around because someone just hasn't destroyed or found it yet.

A blob's ghost item could be a collar or favorite toy if it was a pet. Things that are kept as memories.

A ghost haunt applies to a ghost that mainly resides in the human world, like Danny. They own that area and it is theirs. They usually do not have a lair in the Ghost Zone because they're the same thing, but on the human plane. But ghosts tend to get aggressive towards other ghosts who enter their haunt, so that's why Danny is a bit aggressive. Especially as he gets older and more in tune with being half ghost.

A ghost lair is simply just the ghost's claimed area in the Ghost Zone. Most have them and blobs and more ghoul looking ones will freely roam since they aren't powerful or "important"/high enough. They will tho, if they have a master to serve, stay with them. Laira are usually guarded and keep territorial ties to their owner, but not as strong as a haunt.

Ghosts with haunts will routinely go back into the Ghost Zone. This is for health, survival instincts, or for other reasons. Portals tend to appear more often in haunts because of this.

Ghosts need ectoplasm to survive. Simple. That's why they go in and out of the Ghost Zone a lot of they're in the human realm

The ecto weapons use ectoplasm and reverse engineers it to harm them. Reverse polarity and all. And the reason why salt/iron/holy water works on them is because it purifies and can control the energy. Plus, since they're based off of emotion, if enough people will it to work it will.

Blood blossoms effect them so well because of this. The salt and iron in the breeding mixed with the pure belief. And at some point someone started to soak the seeds in the reversed ectoplasm. But humans don't know that. They're just hardcore believers.

The Ghost zone is partially sentient. That's how it opens up portals and controls ectoplasmic levels. It is a realm made of ecto energy and ectoplasm in the end, so it makes sense. It was crated because human souls needed a limbo between reincarnation (hell/heaven doesn't actually exist in my version. Just a limbo and a few other realms that will be mentioned later). The Ghost Zone needs a core to keep it all together, and it tends to choose a ghost to be it's core. But it chooses very carefully and can move the core to a new ghost if it senses danger. Self preservation.

The Zone chose Danny because it knew it could trust Danny. Which is why Danny is destined to be inherently the most powerful. And the Ghost Zone can loosely be understood by the ancient ones, like Clockwork and Observers. And now Danny.

Every Ghost can speak Ghost Speak. It is an old language that Latin is based off of loosely. Humans cannot understand it. Some have loosely learned it and have trained to understand it. But it's very difficult since they don't have the right vocal chords. Or... have them. Ghosts don't actually have them.

Ghosts can switch freely between whatever human language they speak and then ghost. While speaking to other ghosts, especially in the Ghost zone, they speak in ghost speak. That's how they all understand each other and not have to learn a new human language. It's quite literally in their brain hardwired. It's the ectoplasm and ghost zone doing it. Plus the Ghost zone likes to slightly give mind them so it needs them to know it.

Death day is when they died. It's normally not that pleasant of a day because they can feel how they died throughout the day. Some relive it as a death echo if they're on the human plane, then some just have flashbacks. Some just relive the pain. Normally they like to be alone. But some will be with others. They are literally reliving their deaths because their energy is all jazzed and upset. It's a horrible reminder.

Death days are treated like sad birthdays. So it'll be a truce for that specific ghost and normally the others will give them things to make them feel better. Like... small gifts or words of encouragement. Or if they know their obsession, something to do with it.

Death echoes are not fun. There are a few ghosts who are always trapped in them and have to be released, those are normally weaker ghosts who don't have enough energy to move to the zone so they're trapped. But the stronger ones will leave an echo of energy at their death; which means that if they're on the human plane when death day comes they will reunite with the echo and be stuck in it until the time of death. They will not be themselves, but the fragment of the bit leading up to their death. A literal ghost of themselves being forced in a loop of their death. Think about yelling down a large tunnel and it echoes forever, except when you go back a year later you're forced to keep doing it until the original one is due at the same time.

The final echo will actually physically effect them as they're let go of the echo (for that year). The effects will disappear. (So for example, Danny for the whole day if he's in Amity Park will be stuck as a translucent almost non sentient, not knowing what's going on around him, replay of the Accident. Whoever is there will watch it happen again and again, but only him and not the others, until it comes time for his death and he comes out looking burn and electrocuted. Then it'll disappear and he'll be normal. No memory of the day besides the pain of the last one)

The Ghost zone can't really stop the echo unless they're inside the ghost zone. It contains them and protects them, so that's why they will leave their haunts or just go back for the day.

There is actual royalty, which is the Ghost King and and his court. The king can marry and have a queen. There can be ghost queen as rulers if a girl wings the crown. It just so happens the last two/three have been guys. Whoever rule's full title is king/queen ruler then their partner is king/queen consort. There can be two kings or two queens this way, and it's even gender wise. Yippee. Princes/princesses are children and do not actually hold any right to the thrown unless their ruler turns it over or they overthrow. It's a formality and political status out of respect. It barely happens.

The Ghost King is earned by right of conquest. So Danny challenging Pariah Dark and winning meant that he stripped Pariah of his crown and title. Everyone involved could lay claim if Danny does not take the crown and challenge Danny. And if someone does challenge Danny, then the ghosts will be able to access whether or not they actually do have the right or should be allowed.

Vlad actually challenged the right, but most of the ghosts knew Vlad was a bad option and vetoed him before Danny even knew what was going on. Vlad knew exactly what was happening and that's why he wanted to awaken him. He just... didn't plan out the events that unfolded.

But how normally the crowning works is that the crown would return to the Ghost Zone, and the Zone would present it to one of the Ancients. Whoever defeated the previous king will automatically receive title of Prince (which Danny didn't know but the others knew). The Ancient will then send out lesser ghosts or allies of the newly titled Prince to announce their new right. They will be brought to a coronation ceremony where they will accept or decline.

If they accept, they will be bound to the title and they will gain new powers literally and metaphorically. They will gain the King's Keep as a new lair. And they will be diplomatically/politically responsible for the new era

The King's court is mostly appointed with the exception of the higher ranking ghosts. They have a right to be on there.

The Ghost King is what people precieve as Satan/Lucifer/the Devil actually. But in the sake of continuity, they're just summoning the Ghost King by that name. Y'know. Only the religious folk call him by religious titles. Same dude.

This ties into the fact that the Ghost King and other ghosts can be summoned. Anything having to do with king/Satan/devil summonings the Ghost Zone will literally route to the Ghost King. Most "powerful ghost/demon" ones will more than likely be a powerful ghost, but the ghost zone will put the king in there also. If someone isn't specific in the summoning, they'll get someone with a related obsession to their goal or just a lower level generic ghost (probably a ghoul like one).

Which means Danny will be summoned from time to time. He can easily get back since it's a portal that can't be seen besides the summoned. Silly stuff tbh. People don't do it too much, but it's often enough to make him have a system for it.

Half Ghosts only have two natural cases and one unnatural. Dani isn't considered a true half ghost by the ghosts since she is a clone. They don't see her as anything other than a clone of Danny who is now her own person. They treat Danny and Vlad the same.

The term Halfa is the term for being half ghost, and most ghosts don't necessarily mean it in a mean way since it's just their slang term for half ghost. But some do use it in a mean way (the ones who don't like humans and hate the idea that two powerful ghosts are half human. Some ghosts are just dicks and use the term blob in the same way)

Since Danny doesn't talk about half ghosts to other ghosts a lot, he doesn't use the term. Sam and Tucker were confused when he first said it and looked a bit concerned. He explained what it means and they just nodded slowly. His friends personally don't like it, but just don't use it unless talking to ghosts.

A lot of the more powerful ghosts don't like it when the humans call them anything besides ghost or ectos, especially when they're called ghoulies. When they're called ghoulies they see it as being deemed the same as lower powered and they get offended.

Don't ask a ghost how they died. You don't need to ask exactly what their obsession is; if you can figure it out you can be like "oh this is it." But asking directly is a bit weird and rude. And don't ask them directly what their ghostly tied item is. Usually it's personal. C'mon guys. You wouldn't ask someone their deepest personal trauma. Why would you do that to them??

Also, it should be obvious that not all ghosts are evil. But a lot of them are just mean spirited or the emotions that made them aren't nice so they just... yeah. They can be good and nice people obviously. They just don't tend to be all the time

Also, Christmas truce came from three kings ago. Pariah Dark's full reign when he wasn't locked up caused a pause, but when he was locked up it continued.

Other

There's other realms, like the dream realm and the area outside of time that Clockwork lives in.

The Observers also live in the area outside of time, but do follow the main continuity of time. They do not care about the other continuities or timelines. The timelines exist but aren't the main one, so they don't really matter. Just branches that fizzle out after a bit. The Observers' job, along with Clockwork, is to protect the main one. Think kinda like TVA except like... you obey a realm and not some man playing god. And they don't just cut off the timelines. They just redirect the main one and let the others naturally fizzle out

There are Ghosts of __, like how we have the ghost of time and dreams. They're powerful and are important for the Infinite Realms to exist. Clockwork knows where to find them if needed, as he is one. Nocturn is kinda just an asshole and Clockwork keeps him in check. He knew Nocturn wouldn't win so he let the guy have his fun and then kinda reprimanded him on the side

Dan also exists outside of time now. Clockwork lets him outside the thermos sometimes and has put a blocker on his powers so he can't use them. Dan says it's inhumane and Clockwork hits him with a "maybe don't kill a ton of people and ruin the timeline. Ever thought of that?" (Obviously not exact words). It works. Dan is just glad to be out of that thermos.

Dan also really wants to meet Dani. Clockwork shows her story to him, and even though Dan doesn't have his human side he is interested in her and want to know more.

I just really want Dan to eventually get some humanity back and Clockwork is a manipulative ass, so he would use Dani as a tactic.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary295

7/10/24

wednesday

did a bit of writing today.

and the j-card is done. metadata undone, that changes 2morrow for sure...

all it takes to write is heat exhaustion and slightly fried nerves and dysphoria. so i guess mega fried nerves. and matcha.

here is da j-card:

i like how unreadable it is to beeeeeeeeeeeeeee honest. it's like it just makes you stare at the thing and the text just kind of melts into a mess. especially the big chunk there which is just every song title listed unspaced.

there's some stupid discourse out on the internet today, obviously i shouldn't look but there's some insanity about all the stuff going on re: sexual politics atm. the way people are throwing around 'sex positivity' which can really mean 30 different things, some of which were pretty minimal and like, don't judge people who have lots of sex because sex can be a thing that happens for all kinds of reasons, we ought to have conversations about sex outside of the regular assumptions re: desire and what it leads to, an aversion to moralism, or rather directionless 'having sex is liberating*' (* meaning: if you want to have sex), there is more here too.

really the baffling part for me, outside of the moralism, or i guess i should not say baffling, but it's generally how each generation seems to have bought more and more into the distinct generational character thing, creating insane stereotypes as if they're super real and just proceeding with a huge chunk of earth being those things and never really thinking about or interacting with, those people, or when they do, what they see are the assumptions/signs that they are what they imagine, and nothing else. and as this goes on, it strengthens each prior generation's notion that it is a thing unto itself, it solidifies against the stereotype as if that defends itself, or taking these features as points of pride rather than spectacular invention. this results in the kinds of millennial you see getting mad about eminem getting cancelled or this discourse about how millennials didn't know what boundaries were.

one thing lost in all this is the fact that the mid 00s were a horrific time to be feminine, thinking abt a lot of the ed stuff, the american apparel ads and so on (i recognize the irony in me saying this after posting that image i made where i am wearing american apparel thigh highs + the general uhm sexual nature of the cover and stuff but i'm messed up okay i don't want to get into it but i guess i have and i am crazy and whatever and i at least want to use that in a way that isn't me doing things that hurt myself okayyyyyyyyyyy), this wasn't liberating but it's also not because of 'sex positive feminism' that these images came to be, it's because of patriarchal exploitation and the pornographic gaze which is deeply bound to advertising already, a lot of these things remain the same, we have our current day forms of this. it's an issue that does not need to be so complicated and obfuscated by generational fingerpointing, but i think it feels good to do this, and this is the essential drive mobilized by posting inside the computer, the feeling good and right, and the invention of things to be right about, creation of logics which enable the rightness, and the ability to litigate truth with these methods, at their root they are not very complex usually, it's just about being able to 'see' a demographic and point at it. it goes beyond strawmanning to the point of really seeing people in a distorted way, not inventing them, but seeing them speaking, and not being able to understand because you know what they are already. it's wholly spectacular and strange.

anyhow, this is a pointless thing to look at. interesting to note i guess though. or useful for me. it does wig me out though, everytime you see surges of radical leaning or, idk, i don't think this is radical at all really, but this "radical" appearing way of thinking, you see terfs pop up, young ones too, that always wigs me out, they're funny though, not like in a good way, they're just, funny, as a notion i suppose.

anyway i need to sleep, i hope nobody finds my blog somehow over this and hits me with a t.i.m. moment, they love 2 hit that shit like the griddy.

oh one other thing, there was this british kid in the store today, he put a box of triscuits in his shopping cart, his mom asked what they were for as her and her friends were looking around for crisps, and he said "smores", and i felt so bad and i wanted to say something, as i stood there waiting for my girlfriend, like how he needs graham crackers for his smores and not triscuits but i didn't say anything but he put them away anyways. i am glad there was no tragedy but i feel bad that i might have enabled a minor tragedy in some way, that's kind of a stupid way to think but it's true . as in true that i felt that. or even feel it.

anyway

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[darlingpwease]

shh shshshsh– im happy you do like my writing tho :))) you sound like my friends like that, but it's pinching with them lol

Oh, well I guess we do all do different things for 'me' time. My brain usually shuts off when I do those things lol,, I'm glad that what you do is helps shut off ur brain for a bit :)) I do hope ur work isn't too stressful (I couldn't even forget it rn even if I tried 😒) was it really in yesterday's post?? The only thing I can think of that was somewhat smooth was the Yuuta addiction thing???? Idk–

(I feel like I've aged 10 years because of this haha :')) /hj I know that some of the group members wouldn't be pleased but I'm to drained to really care atm. Good news? We managed to do quite a lot yesterday and now we're just organizing everything. Bad news?? We're all super fucking exhausted and are still stressing that we have a very short amount of time for post. bunny face?? I do, but when you go around being too sweet, of course I get at least a few from you >:(( /t)

I slept in so I think thats a good thing, right?? Once I finish this I'm gonna sleep as much as I can.

...ah... WORM???

I do try to be flexible lol, but I really do like that!! I love when colors mix together well, but things such as earthy tones, nude tones, pastel ones, just soft and/or nature-like colors in general I guess?? are some of my favorites. But I really like different shades of them too,, I also like how they all can correlate to some things or match with things as well, I could go on lmao /neu What?? Of course not!! Do I have to reiterate what I said??? /ht

I can't tell which one would be worse <//333– probably the first one times a trillion well of course I'd stay with the box. I think dying in it would be unsightly tho

-panna cotta

ajshjs don't shush me!!! i'm in great sadness, fruitcake wrote to me again, ahahah, do I have to read and be touched again??? how awful :(((( 🤨🤨🤨 look at him, he looks as if he immediately switched from an anxious mood to a complacent one🤨 that is, it's not pinching with me??? I, I feel betrayed; I will try to follow their example!!! obviously, someone (ex. cocotta) react to the method of punishment more than to encouragement, which is very contrary to what the modern school of management says, you know? it's outrageous 3:<<< /t /hj

... you doing??? my brain calms down only when I don't allow anything to analyze or reflect,,,, If I have to communicate or think about myself, it's always making plans and calculating the best moves — especially if it's games or future... on the other hand, I think if you used your brain more, you would be more tired & would understand the principle of sleep, — and would be taller, — so your brain is more of a curse😔 /t /j [work in the sense of "brain activity", not in the sense of "somewhere where they get money or work experience" — I can still afford the life of a rake😋 not counting volunteering, donating blood, working with some documentation...] (I could say the same about our past messages, but given your forgetfulness, I'm afraid I have to make sure that you remember that you sent me a message yesterday🤨🤨🤨) ... wow, is that your social skills & hint recognition getting... better?😦😧😯😲 impossible...... /t /hj /pos

(apparently, now you're the senior sibling instead of me, huh? /t /j well... but this is the experience of working in a very short time. most deadlines at work will sound like "when did we have to do work?" "yesterday," so it's good if you get that kind of experience early, even if it's, um, not the best way to get it</3 just make sure you're not trying to go ahead of the engine and rest, okay? don't make me crawl out of the blanket to carry you there<//3 yes, a bunny face. when you look with frightened innocent eyes, as if you are trying to convince everyone around you with a more temperamental personality to "attack" you; I'm sure when you're nervous and scared, you make that face ://// /t /hj me? sweet? didn't you tell me I was a 'rotten crumb'? so fickle, so fickle~ don't blame me when we both know it's you too sweet<333 /t)

... does this mean that you will sleep 'a lot' or 'a little'??? because in your case, it has a lot of interpretations, even if I'm sure that this cocotta brain probably assumes "a lot" — I know how cunning you are, I can't let you slip like that ://///

you were caught by the tail of course!!! don't you remember how you agreed to become a worm~?<3333 /100% srs & 100% gen hehehe silly forgetful panna cotta >:3333 /t /j /nsrs

... peacemaker<///333 yes, yes, I realized that you are harmless and accept and love any color & shade, stop being so sweet</3 I myself am about to start caries from you</333 /t /j /nsrs pastel shades and gold are the best honestly but what about snails?🤨🤨🤨 what did you say? what won't you say when you have someone??? I can't trust your words — what if I kiss the already taken panna cotta??? I can't be an 'other crumb', I'd rather be not-kissed and lonely, but proud</33333 /t /j

because it's not one of them!!! I know you don't mind, hey, don't be shy<333 we haven't sorted out your clothes yet and the fact that people are naked under their clothes, so don't be so timid, we still have so much to discuss<3333 /t /j wrong. none of them. you didn't pass this test 3:<<< ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? why??? aren't my pocket and my hands better??? I'm going to recognize this as tyranny and insubordination, besides the fact that you've already shown how unfaithful you are!!! 3:<<<<<<

[tiniinbookland]

Hi hi :D

I feel like I haven't been here for a long time. Life is busy in the summer :) I hope you are all doing well.

Before we all get swept away in the excitement for the new minecraft video (I can't wait!!):

What is your favorite Sapnap stream? This feels like a hard question just because there are so many.

But maybe there is one that sticks out for you :)

See you all (hopefully) this weekend, freaking out over the new video :D

- 🌵

welcome back! i hope your summer is going well :]

i'm pretty exhausted, got a lot of private stuff going on atm that's draining me and everyone around me, so really it hasn't felt that long since your last message haha

hmmm favourite Sapnap stream is so hard to pick, i'm so on and off with his streams 🤔

he was my number two for MCCs (after Dream) simply bc of his energy and skill, so maybe those? i also enjoyed a bunch of his reaction stuff, like reacting to the manhunts or to hell's kitchen, that was enjoyable. i'm a little sad i missed out on his twitch valorant streams, but i used to skip them bc i did not for the life of me understand what was going on. now i play myself and would love to see what he's doing (i could watch VODs but... its not the same)

generally i dont catch a lot of his or any streams because of time zones but oh well

and yes! i'm also excited for the new drideo :D it's a little subdued because of the aforementioned private stress but i have no doubt it'll have me hyped once it drops

[thelemmallama]

random thoughts

[ i like individualism, but i'm skeptical of markets. it seems like a 'game of chicken', where people are incentivise to care less than they actually do and 'play hard to get' in order to leverage more out of others

e.g. everyone wants roads, but everyone also wants everyone else to put in the work of building roads. therefore they pretend to care less about roads so the people who care more would do most of the work

perhaps can be fixed with a culture of rigid boundary-setting? e.g. 'this is what i'm willing to put in, any more is not worth for me' and stop bargaining right there because continuous bargaining is exhausting? still skeptical though; people can still play hardball by under-bidding

(or maybe this isn't really an issue as people who actually care a lot would eventually have to relent if they tried to play hardball, and people who 'bid' low woul generally be the ones who actually don't care much (like me, in a lot of situations) ?????????????)

perhaps gather more data on this via my large scale projects under the 'coordination without coersion' banner, like the bitwam public anime project ]

[ i find it easy to be generous when i have surplus. surplus time/energy (boredom, having energy but not particularly feeling like playing or working on my projects atm), surplus food from dumpster diving, etc. it requires no effort from me, no self sacrifice

it's the people who give even when they're stretched thin that i consider 'altruistic'.

conversely, i also think altruism is overrated. you may not be able to pour from an empty jug, but it's kind of sad to fill your jug for the sole purpose of immediately pouring it back out to others as well. i prefer to overfill my jug, and whoever's around can collect the overflow :D ]

[ do not preach cooperation, do not preach competition. do not teach kindness, do not teach ambition.

teach only the importance of defending one's ability to do what one wants, whether that be helping, sharing and caring; achieving, winning, and being the best; or simply relaxing, playing and exploring … … without treading on others' ability to do likewise. ]

[ (on competition) competition for fun - good competition with stakes - bad

(on cooperation) more efficient than competition; covers more ground, less redundancy. there's not much reason to choose competition over cooperation except for the funzies (and below) bad when peeps are forced to stay and collaborate on something they're no longer interested in; at that point they should be allowed to leave with no consequences or hard feelings. (e.g. even if they're still interested in the ends but disagree with the means, they should be able to leave and go about aiming for those ends with their own means. this would also be a good sort of competition. sure the ends might get achieved faster if the leaver instead stayed and continued being an addition to the original project, but the actual output rate of this potential leaver is lower than if they're doing something their heart is actually into, even if it's 'redundant' in a sense)(but if they're literally doing the exact same thing with the exact same means and ends but are doing it separately just because someone want to be acknowledged as the one to 'do it better'; then that's dumb (unless it really is fun for them and they really do get joy from measuring up against each other that would be absent if they worked together, and not resentment and a win/lose situation where someone must necessarily end up disappointed)) ]

[ the root of morality is some sort of non 'archiness'; where 'archy' probably can't be finitely axiomatized with there being a set of rules it can be reduced down to that is still a completely faithful representation. but that doesn't mean it's completely arbitrary* or an 'i know it when i see it' deal in the naive sense. it is a direction one can aim for, and there are measurable ways to objectively determine if something is closer to 'archy' than not, which can be explained without just insistently screaming 'i just know it is', even if the explanation isn't always in terms of discrete, predetermined principles

in particular, there are discrete systems of principles that are necessary but not sufficient; that provide a '(upper?) bound' or 'covering' for what archy is. that if one does not cross the bound, one is guaranteed to not be committing archy - but there are some things that cross the bound that is nevertheless not 'archy'. forbidding others from doing such things that cross the bound but is not 'archy' is in itself an act of 'archy' (example of a bound in the other direction (lower?) - things that are definitely 'archy')

(put this in atwws to explain politics/ethics alongside topology/analysis!) ]

[stranger-nightmare]

hi my dear! I'm currently not very active on tumblr bc life's stressful and somehow it feels like I never have time to do anything I enjoy—I'm either working on uni stuff or doing chores or being tired atm. I'm actually really sad that I haven't gotten around to reading your fics lately and I miss talking to you, so I wanted to at least send this little message to let you know that I'm thinking of you 🤍 hopefully, life will soon calm down a little, I could definitely use a break. sending hugs and rooibos tea 🫖—🍸🖤

hi hi my love!!

I hope you’ve been well, outside of all the stressful busy-ness! and I hope things calm down for you soon! tbh I’ve been kinda the same, I’m still adjusting to my new job and then when I’m not working I’m just so exhausted so I haven’t really been that active on here myself recently! I know I have all my kinktober posts going on atm but they were all written ahead of time so it’s actually been ages since I’ve really written it just generally been on tumblr myself

but thank you sm for this lil message, it really means the world to me! again I hope things settle a bit for both of us and I hope when you do have the time to catch up on my fics that you enjoy them! I’m sending you a hug and a lil cup of tea in return, we both deserve some rest and relaxation <33

- hope

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

The Cult Girl (Hannibal x Female!Reader) pt. 11

Cult girl gets interrogated, tapping into her training at the Hannibal Lecter school of police deception.

Trigger warning: CSA mention, suicide

The interrogation room was cold. And they had you waiting for at least half an hour.

"Miss [L/N]," an officer finally entered. "My name is detective Allison Greene."

Don't get defensive. Always be polite.

"Hi." You said, cordially. "You can call me [F/N] if you want."

Detective Greene smiled. "Can I get you anything? Water? Coffee?"

Don't accept anything they offer you. They will take your DNA wherever they can get it. Don't give them the opportunity.

"No thank you." You shook your head.

"I'm sure you have a lot of questions." Detective Greene leaned over the table. "Some of the guys here have been trying to pin this on you. I work with a bunch of chauvinist assholes. Sorry if they gave you a scare."

They might assign a female officer to your case. Don't let it get your guard down.

"What exactly are they trying to pin on me?" You tilted your head, feigning ignorance.

Detective Greene cleared her throat and shuffled with some papers. "Late last night, your cousin's husband reported her missing. Said she didn't come back to the hotel."

"Well that’s news to me." You said, looking away.

"He said the last place she went was your place." Detective Greene recounted. "Didn't specify that you lived with your boyfriend. So why don't you tell me what happened and you can go home?"

And tell them this story exactly.

"Hannibal invited Theresa and Gideon to dinner. Only Theresa showed." You began. "I came downstairs to find her making a pass at my boyfriend. The fact that he didn't immediately throw her out kinda pissed me off, but I tried to let it slide. We sat down for dinner and then there was an argument that got really heated. I decided to take a drive to clear my head. I went to the drug store to pick up some things and then Hannibal called me to tell me she had left. Then I went back to his house."

"Can anyone confirm your story?"

"Maybe the cashier." You offered. "I was the only one in the store at the time."

"Was the argument about her hitting on your boyfriend?" Detective Greene inquired.

You shook your head. "No. Hannibal shut her down before she could pull anything. She was saying some really ugly things about my mom and that's what provoked the argument."

"Was anyone intoxicated?" Detective Greene raised an eyebrow.

You shrugged. "We finished one bottle of wine between the three of us, so maybe a little."

"Is your cousin known to get aggressive while under the influence?"

"She's aggressive when she's stone-cold sober." You admitted, going off-script a little.

"Oh, yes." Detective Greene flipped through some pages. "Her husband said you two don't get along."

That was undoubtedly the worst way she could have possibly put it. You wanted to tell her that Theresa hated you. That you were her punching bag for years. That you were completely justified in not making an effort to 'get along'. But this wasn't the time or place.

"Have you questioned Gideon?" You asked, feeling frustrated but trying to hide it.

"Yes, actually." Detective Greene nodded. "We haven't eliminated anyone as a suspect and his criminal record is certainly relevant."

"Which part?" You smirk. "The embezzlement or the sexual exploitation of minors?"

Detective Greene let out an exhausted sigh. "Yes, between you and me, it does make more sense that the convicted sex offender would kill his serial adulterer wife. You don’t need to convince me, but I am professionally obligated to do my due diligence."

"Look, I didn't do anything to Theresa." You maintained, leaning back in your chair. "If your instincts are telling you it's Gideon, it's definitely Gideon."

Detective Greene took a deep breath and stood up from her seat. "Thank you for your time, Miss [L/N]. We'll let you get back to your boyfriend after we confirm your alibi with the drug store cashier."

"You're welcome." You said as she saw herself out.

Another hour passed. You sat in the uncomfortable chair, watching your phone battery gradually drain as you ate it up playing mindless mobile games that didn't require internet.

Finally, Detective Greene reappeared.

"Miss [L/N], the cashier corroborated your alibi." She said, notably not making herself comfortable. "And security camera footage from the ATM confirms that you were at the drug store last night."

So that's why he wanted you to withdraw cash.

"Does that mean I'm free to go?" You asked, a hopeful upturn in your voice.

"Not quite." Detective Greene narrowed her eyes. "The cashier brought up a few queries of his own I'd like you to answer."

You tried not to let this deter you. "...oh?"

"He said that while you were shopping, you seemed really on edge." Detective Greene said. "To the point that you visibly flinched when you heard your cell phone ring. Care to explain?"

"Yes." You answered, calmly. You folded your hands in your lap. "I have a general anxiety disorder. That evening, Theresa said something deeply troubling that sent me into a panic attack. That's why I left."

"What did she say that was so troubling?"

You paused. Did she really need to know this? Or was she just nosy?

"She commented that I looked like I could be pregnant." You told the truth. "And while insisting I was pregnant, brought up my mother's suicide and suggested I do the same."

Detective Greene went quiet for a moment, then lowered her head. "...that is a very awful thing to say, yes."

You were on the verge of tears. You covered your mouth with your hand. "And Theresa knows that talking about my mother is triggering to me. So she was just being cruel for the sake of it."

"So you left." Detective Greene repeated, for what felt like the hundredth time.

"I went to the drug store and I bought a pregnancy test." You admitted. "Because she just has so much power over me."

You didn't care if this suddenly gave you motive. It meant nothing to you anymore. You just wanted to tell someone impartial what a piece of shit she was.

A knock interrupted your near breakdown. Another officer poked his head into the room without so much as waiting for permission.

"Yo, Allison." He said. "They found a head."

[thirstyforcharacters]

*Damaging the Petals (Obi-Wan Kenobi x Senator! Reader

Summary: You and Obi-Wan have a rare night to yourselves in the midst of the Clone Wars. And of course, you only have one thing on your mind.

Notes: It’s finally ready! It feels like it's been forever since I've written anything. That's mostly because a new semester of college has begun (I'm in week 3 atm and it feels like it's week 300000), and I have much less time to write. It took me 3 weeks to write this because I literally have almost no free time, and I thought I'd only get a chance to finish this weekend, but I actually had a bit of time today, so here comes the Obi-Wan smut! Hope you enjoy! (no she/her pronouns, no y/n)

Warnings: smut! 18+ only! inappropriate use of the Force, oral (female receiving), unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it, y’all), a smidgeon of choking

WC: 2.2 k

“Can I ask you something?”

You and Obi-Wan were lying in your plush canopy bed together, enjoying one of the very few evenings you were able to snag alone in the midst of the Clone Wars. Being a Jedi and a senator in a secret relationship was hard enough in normal circumstances, but during an intergalactic war, it was practically impossible. But somehow, you were able to make it work. It was the small moments like these, in between Obi-Wan risking his life for the greater good, and you writing up anti-war bills that would inevitably be rejected by the chancellor (which always confused you), that made the hell you were going through worth it.

You were mindlessly watching a random holodrama, your head in his lap and his fingers running through your hair, which normally would put you right to sleep. Right now, though, you were keyed up. One unfortunate consequence of not being able to see each other was the fact that your sex life was dwindling. The few intimate moments you had together were fantastic (you both made sure of that), but they were so infrequent that you found yourself left on edge more often than not. And Padme putting this particular idea in your head at lunch earlier that day wasn’t helping anything. Now, the cadence of his fingers gently tugging at your hair made your heart pump faster.

“Anything, flower.”

Your heart swelled for a second, the sweet nickname he reserved only for you briefly making you forget the impure thoughts that swirled around your head. But they soon returned, and you knew that if you didn’t ask now, the tenderness of his actions would soon make you forget your purpose. You looked up at him from your place in his lap, and his eyes were already on you, giving you his full attention.

“So, Padme told me something that her and Anakin do in the bedroom, and I was wondering if maybe we could try it? Only if you’re comfortable with it, of course,” you asked.

He raised an eyebrow, “Oh? And what would that be?”

“Well, they occasionally use the Force to… enhance their activities. I know that you stick to the code a little more than Anakin does, so if that’s too much of an inappropriate use of the Force for you, I get it. If it’s not though, I’d really like to try it,” you explained.

“That’s an interesting topic for senators to speak about at a business lunch,” he quipped, his eyes sparking with mischief.

You rolled your eyes, “Did you really expect us to talk about Senator Organa’s clone citizenship bill the entire time? No matter how good of an idea I think it is, it is a bit boring to talk politics for that long, even for a senator.”

He chuckled, shaking his head, “Of course not. As for your question, I would be willing to give it a try. But, you have to promise that you’ll tell me if it’s too much, or if I’m hurting you in any way. The Force is a powerful tool, and I do not wish to damage your petals with it, my flower.”

You smiled at his tender words, “You have my word, Obi-Wan.”

He returned your smile, then rearranged your bodies so you were lying beneath him. It started as gentle as always; Obi-Wan always preferred to be delicate with you. The soft, yet passionate kisses that your lover pressed to your lips made your head spin. He began removing your clothes then, peeling off each layer as if he was peeling the petals off of a rose. The only time his lips left yours was when he pulled your blouse over your head; otherwise, it was like he couldn’t get enough of you. And you couldn’t get enough of him, either.

Once you were fully nude, your lover started to trail kisses down your body. He gently nipped at your neck, though not enough to leave marks. You both knew that doing so would be detrimental to the secrecy of your relationship, but that didn’t stop him from leaving marks in other places. There were many mornings after your escapades where your inner thighs and breasts were covered in small bruises and marks. Running your fingers up and down those spots always made you blush, remembering the passionate nights before. Even though he did blemish your skin with his teeth, in most other ways in the bedroom, he was gentle and loving.

A soft nip to one of your breasts brought you out of your thoughts, and you gasped out in surprised and pleasure as Obi-Wan soothed the mark that he left with his tongue. His lips wrapped around your nipple and sucked harshly, making you arch into his mouth. His other hand moved to toy with your other nipple, making soft whimpers of pleasure fall from your lips. You could feel him smirking against you as he continued his ministrations, reveling in the way he could make you so needy for him with just a few tweaks to your breasts.

Eventually, though, he was getting bored with this game, and his hands moved down to your legs, each one gripping your thighs and pulling them open, exposing your dripping cunt to him. Even though he was being on the gentle side, you could still tell that you would probably have marks on your thighs tomorrow. Obi-Wan placed his head between your thighs and looked up at you. The fire in his eyes made you even wetter for him; you knew that you were an absolute goner. Without so much as a warning, he licked a stripe up your pussy.

You cried out in surprise and wound your fingers into his hair. But almost as soon as you had, you felt a hand grip your wrists and pull them until they were above your head. It couldn’t have been Obi-Wan’s hands because they were holding you open, so there was only one thing it could be. Your realization, combined with the soft, teasing licks Obi-Wan was pressing to your pussy, made a wave of heat rush through your body.

Obi-Wan looked up at you and almost moaned out himself. Your body stretched out before him, being held down by invisible hands, was probably the most arousing thing he had ever seen.

“Does that feel okay, flower? Not too much?” he asked softly, not wanting to overwhelm you.

You couldn’t help but smile gently at his sweetness, “It’s perfect, Obi.”

And it was. The hands holding you down were slightly warm to the touch, and they were holding you down just enough to keep you still, not enough to hurt you. It was exactly like how you had imagined it.

He smiled back, “Good. Just wanted to be sure.”

And he dove back in with renowned fervor. He ate you out like he was a starved man, eating his first meal in weeks. He enjoyed giving you oral almost as much as you did, so he was always willing to give you what you needed, just as you were for him. The symbiotic nature of your sexual relationship is why it worked so well, and it was why the few times you would get alone were always wonderful. There was never taking without giving; you both were generous lovers, responsive to each other’s needs.

His lips worked dutifully, licking up every bit of wetness dripping from your core, and all you could do was lie back and take it. Obi-Wan’s own hands on your thighs, combined with the Force holding down your arms, successfully kept you completely still, defenceless against whatever Obi-Wan had planned for you. Soon, you were close, your wetness dribbling down his chin. His lips suctioned to your clit and two of his fingers pressed into your entrance, making you come harder than you thought you had before, and that was just from his lips. He moaned against you while he worked you through your orgasm, taking everything you gave him and still pumping his fingers to help you ride it out.

When you came down, Obi-Wan removed himself from between your thighs and moved up to your lips, kissing you softly. You reciprocated as best you could, but you were already exhausted. And you hadn’t even gotten to the best part yet.

“Are you doing okay, flower? Not too much?” Obi-Wan asked.

You nodded in agreement, “Yes. ‘M fine. Need more.”

He quirked up a brow, “More? Well, you know I can’t say no to you.”

You tried to use your legs to pull his hips back down to yours, but found that your ankles were now being held down by the same force holding your wrists. You didn’t quite know how you didn’t notice that before, but you weren’t complaining. Actually, you loved it.

He noticed you pulling against your invisible bonds and smirked a bit, “Eager?”

“Need you, Obi. Please.”

Luckily for you, Obi-Wan wasn’t really in a teasing mood. Neither of you had been lately, since your sexual escapades have been few and far between. That might also be why he still felt so big, even though you had taken him so many times before. Every time he was inside of you, it took your breath away. This time was no exception. You couldn’t hold back the desperate sound that tore from your throat when he pushed in, almost as much as you imagined he couldn’t keep the low groan that fell from his lips contained.

“Please, Obi,” you begged, “need you to move. I’m ready.”

Of course, he complied with your request. Though at first his rhythm was slow and steady to get you used to the feeling, before long his hips were snapping into yours at a rapid pace. Whenever you tried to arch your back to meet his thrusts, the Force would push you back down. Your body was completely at Obi-Wan’s mercy. You couldn’t even bring yourself to speak; the ecstasy you were feeling proving to be overwhelming in the best possible way. The only vocalizations of your pleasure that you could give were needy whines, and Obi-Wan was drinking it in. Every soft sound that fell from your lips served to spur him on further.

“You always feel so good, my flower. Still so tight for me, even after all of this time. Every time we’re together feels better than the last.”

Somehow, even his dirty talk had an air of elegance about it. It certainly didn’t lose any effect, his words made your moans grow louder as you grew closer and closer to your peak. His hands were planted firmly on the bed to steady himself as he thrusted into you, which is why you squeaked in surprise when you felt a phantom force start to rub circles on your clit. The surprise quickly became pleasure, and you gasped out his name in broken syllables as you felt another hand slowly close around your throat. This particular kink of yours wasn’t utilized too often, as it wasn’t exactly the most delicate of treatment. But the feeling of the phantom limb squeezing your neck was what brought you to the edge.

White hot pleasure flowed through your body, and you knew that you had never felt like this before. You were lost in the feeling; it was so intense that you didn’t even register when Obi-Wan came to his own high. You only vaguely heard him murmuring sweet nothings into your ear, and barely even noticed him running a cloth between your thighs to clean you off.

When you had fully regained your awareness, Obi-Wan was cradling you to his chest, running his fingers through your hair and whispering, “You were so wonderful, flower.”

“Thank you,” you replied quietly, signaling to him that you were finally back.

He tilted your chin up so you were looking at his face, a serious expression crossing it.

“That wasn’t too much for you, was it?”

You shook your head, “It was exactly how I thought it would be. Thank you for doing this for me.”

His serious expression gave way to a loving gaze. It truthfully was something you never thought you’d see from him when you befriended him all of those years ago, and now that you had it, it was something you would always treasure.

“I can’t say that I hadn’t thought about it, either. I was just hoping you would bring it up first.”

You giggled, “I don’t think those thoughts have any place in the Jedi Code.”

He shook his head, a fond smile etched across his features, “No, not exactly. I don’t think the council would be very happy with me right now.”

“Probably not. Improper use of the Force and all,” you joked.

His fingers moved from your hair to your face, gently tracing your jawline, “I love you.”

“And I love you,” you reciprocated.

Sure, what you had was complicated. It went against all rules, and everything that your boyfriend was supposed to stand for. But in this moment, none of that mattered. You had each other, and you would navigate the rough waters of the galaxy together, no matter what.

[babyhoney-28]

So this is me trying to type out some of the thoughts I have regarding the current stunt around Harry.

I have the feeling a lot of us are still trying to make sense of what is going on, because so much about this situation just doesn’t seem to make any sense at all. People are definitely confused and irritated and it seems like no one has really been able to make sense of it all as of yet.

What I want to start with, because it’s what’s been the hardest for me to wrap my head around, is the wedding situation. Especially the pictures showing Harry happily officiating Jeff and his wife. I don’t want to really go into the fact that holding a wedding these days, especially in a city like LA where covid cases are running over the hospitals, is extremely ignorant, inconsiderate and basically a big fuck you to everyone who is struggling because of the virus for whatever reason that may be.

I think we all felt extremely disappointed in Harry for not only attending this wedding despite the pandemic, but also officiating it. This behaviour is quite frankly very hypocritical, especially considering he put out that stay at home shirt, yet has since then not at all been acting accordingly. We all thought he knew better and would do better than this and we have every right to be upset about it.

It also was really weird to see Harry so happy next to Jeff, when most of us had the feeling, especially over the last couple of month, that Harry isn’t doing very well atm. We’ve seen the acceptance speech videos, watched the jingle balls performance and how off, exhausted and unhappy he seemed. Tbh it was and still is really concerning. We therefore have been worried and suspecting that Jeff is miss-managing Harry, trying to create an idol and image out of Harry that he himself has said multiple times he doesn’t want to be. All Harry wants to do is make music and entertain people. But here is his team, pushing him down everyone’s throat and creating fake narratives to make him more interesting, to the point where people are already getting tired of him, because they are basically creating an image for him that is just not very likeable (e.g. queerbaiter & homewrecker).

People have been quite vocal over their dislike towards Jeff, while simultaneously another part of Harry’s fandom have been aggressively defending him, those that view Jeff as Harry’s best friend (which ironically are the same people that not only shit on the other 1d boys but also on Harry’s actual familiy).

So here we were all worried about Harry, believing he was unhappy with the situation he was in because of what his team and Jeff are turning him into (which has gone as far as articles being written about it) when suddenly those pictures of Harry officiating Jeff’s wedding drop, contradicting what we were thinking, while simultaneously proving what other fans believe, that they are in fact close friends.

So this was the part that confused me the most over this whole situation. Why would Harry so happily participate in this wedding and stunt when he seemed so unhappy and had every right to be so?

Here comes the part where I might be reaching, but the more information we got about this wedding, the more sketchy and sus it became. When I first hear people suggest this whole wedding was a stunt, I thought people were reaching, but the more I think about it the more realistic I think it is. Because:

1) why was there paparazzi if this was a private wedding?

2) why did Harry bring a +1 when this was a small private wedding that took place during a pandemic. There’s really no justification for her to have been there, especially when they just started dating

3) when did this wedding take place? This weekend? In November? Because there apparently haven’t been any events at that location due to covid

4) the wedding dress situation is sus. A dress from 2018 that was most likely second hand, whatever. But the fact that it was not fitted to her at all is just very suspicious

5) They might have been married for some time according to some articles

It looks like the paparazzi were there for Harry alone, both to show that he officiated the wedding (and prove the close friendship) and be used in order to announce the relationship. The paps were called there with an intention after all, and Olivia, even if she really was Harry’s gf, had absolutely no business being there given the current circumstances and restrictions. You just don’t bring +1 to a wedding at the moment, especially not if you only just started dating them.

All of this considered, I have the feeling this entire wedding might have been faked with the function to 1) show that Harry and Jeff are close friends and 2) to announce the relationship. Faking a wedding really isn’t that hard if you think about it, all you need is a location, some people in suits and robes, a couple and a photographer. I’d say the current situation makes it even easier because everything is smaller and toned down anyways. It also isn’t that unimaginable that they would pull shit like this. Jeffs dad is allegedly worse than Simon, and we all know what Simon did to Louis. What is faking one wedding that helps dealing with two issues at once compared to baby gate? Even if said wedding took place during a pandemic (this is where I think this whole thing may have actually taken place in November when the covid situation wasn’t as bad)..

Obviously, H&O is a PR stunt. It’s so painfully obvious in fact, it’s pretty much developed into a comedy show within less than 24 hours.

Now, the question that we are all still having is why? Why pair these two, when it puts both of them in such a bad light and certainly can’t be beneficial for their careers in any way, shape or form? Why did Olivia agree to this when this compromises her professionalism? Those seem to be the main questions that people are struggling to come to find a reasonable answer for. However, if one looks back at other Hollywood scandals, this seems to fit right in there, or isn’t even half as bad as some previous scandals or gossip. Think of the Jennifer, Brad and Angelina situation or the cheating scandal around Kristen Steward for example. It’s stories like this that are eaten up by the media and the general public (especially the American audience), because it’s juicy and scandalous and something to gossip about. But in the long run, it’s probably not as career damaging as we make it out to be, since people will get tired and move on to the next drama. It will taint their reputations yes, but also bring them a lot of attention and will most likely not be as ruinous to their careers as we think.

But what could be in it for Olivia? Promo for the movie, maybe because the interest from the go wasn’t big enough yet? She might have other projects coming up that she could need the attention for.. I don’t know but she will have her reasons.

As for Harry, I think we have to admit that he has been without a stunt for much longer than we could have hoped for.. He’s been in involved in narratives just as bad before, this only earns him one more bad title (homewrecker). This stunt however certainly helps in making him even more of a household name, which is exactly what his team has been going for. Thinking further ahead, Olivia might be who future songs of his could be claimed to be about. My hope for the reason of this stunt, as it is the hope of all of us, is that something is going to change about Louis’ stunt situation soon, that baby gate might really soon come to an end and that H&O serves to prevent Larry speculation to arise.

This leaves the question of how long this stunt is going to last. It by now seems like they really are going through with this stunt, so we might have to deal with this for a while (though part of me still hopes they will pull a they are just friends and he is being there for her after her break up card)...

[slightlymore]

hi, sam. it’s me, the anon who we fully agree is liked by that boy but has no idea what to do. i feel like he’s being more careful about my nonnegotiables?? but also, i’m kind of terrified of being in a relationship. i’m taking 4 AP classes and only one of my classes in total is non academic(it’s also my junior year which is bleh). i don’t know how much more i can take. like, the flirting is fine, but i don’t think i’m even emotionally available in terms of romantic relationships. i am in a hard time financially as well, so to throw a relationship on top of that? we both have wacky schedules that line up, so that’s not my concern, but ugh. i tried soul searching and shit, and thinking about what i do for him, but it’s hard to distinguish what i do for him and what i do for everyone bc i always like to be prepared, help out, and all that stuff. and i’m pretty sure he was gonna try and ask me to go “hang out” on sunday, but i told him i would be busy bc my mom is working a little further out and wants me to go with her, which is mostly true. i also kind of think i want a girlfriend more than a boyfriend at this current time, but that’s not gonna stop me bc he is kinda cute and has a good personality. also, this other guy in my first class today said my name was hot when i introduced myself. this is so all over the place, i am so all over the place, and so is my life. and i’m done. i don’t know if i want advice or comments, but give me whatever you’ve got.

😭😭😭😭😭 baby

hm so, I've seen many people say this, like they don't have time for relationships. and while it's absolutely true that they need time and care and effort from you, at the same time, I don't completely get it.

a relationship shouldn't be something to put on top of your already full plate. a good romantic relationship is something that wraps you up. it shouldn't be hard. it should be a breath of fresh air. when you're hurting, when it's hard, when you're exhausted, a romantic relationship can come in and help you out, not make it worse. just like any very good friendship. I've never heard of people saying "I don't have time to make new friends because I'm too busy" but I've heard it about romantic relationships. I guess people think they have a certain new responsibility after getting in one. which could be true. you still have to make time for the person etc. but it shouldn't be hard at all. when you like some truly, the thought of meeting them is always exciting. you actually want to meet them and be around them. and when you do, even if for a few minutes, it recharges you and it doesn't drain you. it's powerful.

so if you see someone that doesn't make you feel like that, then maybe that's not the right person.

another thing tho, is that idk how much it takes you to like a person after dating a bit. personally I already know if they're the right one from the beginning, but maybe you need some time, maybe hang out as friends a bit, like just casually "talk" to each other and see. tbh I think this part is the draining part of it you're talking about lol

also, the guy sounds alright but I don't sense much passion from you ahahaha unless that's how you always are then it's fine, or unless you actually need more time to build something for it to be more exciting, but atm I think you're more attracted to love in general, like the thought of being in a relationship, and not the person. if another dude is there and it made you feel a certain way, you don't like the two dudes because they're themselves, you know? could be some other people instead with the same qualities and you'd like them too. idk it I explain myself correctly ahahaha I see you interested in a relationship in general but it doesn't matter with whom

[karasuno-volley]

HAIKYUU CAPTAINS + FALLING OUT OF LOVE  ( ft. kuroo, oikawa, daichi, bokuto )

plot: it goes unsaid sometimes, but it is clear you need a break from each other.

pairing: haikyuu captains + gn!reader

a/n :  a little more of a drabble/flow for each boy. i tried to make it a little different than you would expect? it’s my first time writing for most of these boys !! liking & reblogging allowed, but please do not repost. if you want to be on a taglist or have a specific request, just send me an ask !! love, volley. 

     The comfortable silence that you two had shared over the past two years was usually punctuated by something: a summer breeze through the window of your apartment, the humming from Kuroo as he cooks breakfast, the light electrical buzz of the TV late at night, the voices muffled and soothing. Now, however, as you lay with your head in his lap, there is nothing. It is so deafening that a high-pitched ring was beginning to sound in your ears. Kuroo goes back and forth between lowering the volume and raising it, indecisive and hesitant. 

     “Are you okay?” He asks, but does not lower a hand down to run through your hair. Whether or not you want to admit it, you are not sure you want him to. “You’re not, right?”

     He takes your silence for an answer, and Kuroo adjusts, causing you to sit up. The ringing in your ear becomes a new sound, a backdrop for a conversation both of you know is coming. It looms over your heads like a summer storm. Kuroo does not look at you directly, and settles back into the documentary on the TV. The silence is cold and empty. The space in each of your hearts grows for someone else.

     It is missed phone calls and dinner dates that get to you first. It is not his fault and you are aware of this, but after leaving Japan to join him in Argentina, you had at least assumed this would become less frequent. He tries, of course, to be home on time. To avoid the inevitable. 

     His keys are set on the coffee table, and he calls for you. There is no response, and he understands. Oikawa’s eyes wander the kitchen and finds something in a pot warming there. Even in moments like these, you always thought about him. Oikawa is hesitant to make too much noise, as if disrupting the peace you two had gained over the past few months that was slowly fading away. As if by making any sudden movements, that peace would disappear entirely. The sunlight that stirs through the blinds in your room is what he sees first, dipping onto the sheets of the bed. Then it is you, sitting up and looking towards him with a mix of love and apathy. Oikawa sets his gym bag down with a sigh, a wayward hand running through his hair. “You want to talk, hm?” 

     “This isn’t working.” you say, watching him settle at the edge of the bed. Your whole body still pricks with anticipation when he sits close.

     “This?” Oikawa knows exactly what you are referring to, but doesn’t seem to want to believe it. “Say it, babe. Out loud. Otherwise, I won’t believe you.” You can smell something burning from the kitchen. The stove must be on too hot. You’re sure your boyfriend does as well, but neither of you move. Your eyes catch his, and Oikawa suddenly feels a chill. The blinds ruffle in the window, the white sheets on the bed turn golden with the sun’s rays. Neither of you feel its warmth.

     Over morning coffee, he wants to talk about it. You had told him last night, without mincing words, that you needed a break. He accepted it, but that didn’t mean that Daichi was going down without a fight. He sips his coffee, watching you over the table as you stir more sugar cubes into your tea. Daichi’s gaze wanders to the wall directly behind you, covered in a year’s worth of photos and polaroids. Some are older, creased, and wrinkled from being carried in wallets and gym bags. You two look young in this one, older in that one, but only by a few years. He is so distracted by the timeline of your relationship splayed out for everyone to see that he does not hear you talk.

     “Daichi.” You say, now finally catching his gaze. “I just told you I want a break. It’s nothing catastrophic.”

     “It’s not?” Daichi murmurs, almost incredulous, because for him it feels as though his heart is being shattered. “What did I do wrong?”

     You struggle with this, and go back to your tea. The birds outside are louder with each passing moment, the ticking of the clock a constant reminder of the seconds the pair of you remain silent. It gets to Daichi slowly, eats away at him, and he only allows you thirty seconds of silence before standing up and dragging his feet to the kitchen to wash up his dishes. 

     “You feel it too, don’t you?” you ask, but it isn’t necessarily a question.  Daichi doesn’t look up from the stream of water and lets it run over his hands. “This….?” It does not have to be said. Daichi admires you for a moment, watching as you sip your tea and put it back down with a sigh. You always put too much sugar in it, and he smiles softly, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. He feels it, though he wishes for the world that he didn’t. 

     He says it to you first. With awkward hands and saddened round eyes, he explains, gently, this emotion. You do not accept this, and stand suddenly, as if physically hurt. “Listen, I…” Bokuto stumbles over his words. This was so unlike him, so different from the boy you had met in high school so long ago. At your sudden movement, he stands as well, reaching his hands out palm up, as if calming a scared animal. “I didn’t say I wanted to break up! I said I… I want a break? Maybe?” 

     “Which is it? Do you want a break or not?”

     “Yes! No! I don’t know.” He slumps back down to the couch, defeated and sullen. He wipes his eyes frantically. Exhaustion. Tears? You weren’t sure, but at this moment, you didn’t necessarily care. You stalk to the back door, look out to the garden. You remember having been so excited that you and Bo had found this place, your own quiet oasis outside of Tokyo. You wonder where the two of you had strayed. Whether it was your fault. 

     You hear him behind you, a presence you can’t ignore and strong arms wrap around your middle loosely. A promise, an embrace. “You don’t have to leave. I will. I’ll stay with Akaashi or something.” He mumbles into your hair. 

     “No.” You don’t even realize you’d said it out loud, and he takes a step back. “It’s for the best.” He insists, and Bokuto reaches out a hand slowly, thinks better of it, and pulls away. He is different from the high schooler he once was. He has matured, you think.  You wonder if you’ve done the same, managed to grow with him as much as he has tried to do with you.  

     You have never heard Bo so quiet, so demure and cautious as he moves from room to room and finally to the front door. “Just to be clear, darling. I just need a little space. I’ll be back soon.” There is no goodbye kiss, only the noise of the door shutting into its frame as Bokuto leaves the tiny home. You do not let the tears fall until you are sure he is gone. 

tag list: none atm. send me an ask/message to be added to a general taglist, or a specific pairing!

[pebblysand]

[may '21] - the life update no one asked for (and some quick links)

Hello team! How are you? What a month it has been! But: we have had some proper sun, the days are getting longer, I have gin&tonic with me to give me fuel to write this and it is now the 30th of april - yay! I know I'm bending the rules of these monthly posts a bit there, by writing the may post by anticipation but I really want to focus on 'proper' writing this weekend, so I hope that you will forgive me :).

But, first, some quick links to different blog pages you might not see on mobile :

to read my fics [links to the hinny ficfest fics: one ; two ; three]

to read my original work

fic recs [new additions]

proper blog/site [that I never update but maybe one day I’ll bother]

[NOTE: i am currently accepting prompts for short ficlets on the hp fandom if you fancy. my ask box is open :).]

Everything else, under the cut (contains: ETAs for current WIPs - say, if you’re waiting for chapter 8 of castles, for instance... -, reading lists, and life update)

Currently, I’m writing:

**Castles [HP - post-war canon]**

links extended a/n-s: chapter v ; chapter vi

This is ONE HUNDRED PERCENT the priority for the coming days. We are having a bank holiday here in Ireland on Monday and the main objective now is to get the first draft of next chapter done. I have the outlines (both general and particular) and have - maybe - around 15% of the actual chapter done. Due to external factors (more on that below), I've had quite a hard time finding the time and energy to actually focus on this over the past few weeks which is why I kind of booked out this weekend to Get Shit Done. Hopefully, it works. ETA for next chapter: 30th May.

**R O A R series**

Harry&Hermione one-shot [ETA: July probably]

An original horror/thriller story [ETA: this is the next thing (after castles chap 8 on the agenda. Considering the ETA for chapter 8 of castles, we're probably looking at beginning of June for this.]

Something to fill this silk prompt [ETA: TBD]

That Peaky Blinders fic I started and never finished [ETA: TBD]

** Hinny Ficfest **

I am very happy to announce that I'll have not one but two short stories coming out for the upcoming hinny ficfest. I obviously can't talk about them too much on here but here's what I can tell you.

- the first one will be called: [like fire in the rain] and answers to prompt 78 - "truth or dare". It's a short three sentence story (a format I used to enjoy but haven't done on tumblr in aaaaages) that's a bit angsty (you know me) and is set within the 'sunlit days' in year 6.

- the second one, I'm not too sure of the title yet, but right now I'm thinking of a line from a song by passenger called 'holes': [she said the wolf's just a puppy and the door's double-locked (so what'd you gotta worry me for?)]. this is (loosely) inspired by prompt 27 (Molly finding out about Ginny/Harry) the summer after the war, but has kind of grown into a what-if-castles-wasn't-my-headcanon kind of fic. It's currently just shy of 3,000 words. I'm considering posting it on AO3/FF as well by the time it comes out on here but I'm not sure. We'll see.

They're both fully written but need a bit of polish but will definitely be ready by the 10th :).

Currently, I’m reading:

Calypso by David Sedaris: I've finished this! It was absolutely lovely - would highly recommend if you're looking for a nice, non-fiction read. I'd probably give it four stars. Not magnificent but definitely worth a read.

I’ve started re-reading the Divergent series because I have the attention span of a five year old atm. -- Update: yeah, still there. I don't think I've picked this up recently.

I've also started Watch Her Fall by Erin Kelly. I really loved her thriller He Said/She Said so thought I'd give it a try. For now, it's fine but I've found it sort of hard to get into it if I'm honest.

I’m still labouring through Troubled Blood, the JKR/RobertGalbraith book (ugh), but I have made significant progress on this. I'm on page 789 so almost at the end. I cannot wait to be finished with it. On top of everything else, it's just way too long. And, that's coming from someone whose favourite HP book is OOTP.

In other news:

I have to say, this month's been a bit of a struggle. Not in terms of mental health but just a lot of things happening at once. I had my exams at the start of the month, obviously, then I went home to France. Then, Ireland decided to introduce mandatory hotel quarantine so I had to change my tickets, come back early to avoid it. Then, the day before I left, my mother had a stroke. I just - I don't want to dwell on this too much. It's over, now, she's fine, has (from what the MRI showed) very little damage to her brain. She's at home and living her best life. Frankly, she's a bit of a miracle. This being said, I can't explain to you the stress and anxiety and heartache of last few weeks, and of not knowing what to do. Of not being able to fly home, having to be in Ireland because I was starting a new job and couldn't afford the hotel quarantine; it was just a lot. I think I didn't even have words to put on it at the time, which is why I didn't write about it before. It's easier now, now that it's over. In the thick of it, I didn't know where to start.

Now, I also didn't want to mention this because I don't mean it as a sob story. I just feel like I should explain why I haven't been the best at putting content out, lately. For that first week after it happened, when we were waiting for the medical exams to come through, I had to start a new job, pretend to be 'happy to be here' and 'excited' like everything was fine and that alone kind of sucked all the energy out of me. I was texting her every half hour at the same time, anxiously waiting for a reply. She lives alone, you see, and she's the only family I have left. I feel bad about not being able to write, but it's been hard. I just couldn't focus. On top of that, while the new job is interesting (and it pays money, yaaaay!), it's just a new routine to get back into, so I've also been feeling very tired.

Additionally, the extrovert in me has been begging to see more of her mates, lately. The weather has been really nice and I'm so eager to go out that I have struggled to keep my resolutions of 'no, I'm staying in and writing tonight.' I used to get plenty of social interactions at work, back in the day, but now that I'm fully remote, all I want to do on my days off is see people (especially with the easing of restrictions in Ireland). I feel like overall, it's fair, though. Introverts have struggled in our society for years, now, it's fair that we, extroverts, during the pandemic, bear more of the burden. It's just that this sudden return of my social life has also not truly catered to much writing time, haha. Hopefully, May will be more stable.

I am feeling better, now. Mum is doing good, the results of her MRI were very positive and the only real thing that's changed is that she says she's 'exhausted' which I guess can be expected after a stroke, haha. She's a warrior and I love her. This week, I've been feeling finally more able to focus and with the bank holiday, I really hope to get some proper writing done. I just need to escape in the magic of HP again, haha.

Anyways, sorry for this rather grim update. I suppose I also want to be honest and say that it's not always rainbows and butterflies. Here's to May, though. Hopefully, it'll treat us better :).