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zmayadw · 3 years

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Evening to all :)

All right, so I finaly did it, the last chapter of my original story is finaly done :) It took me a while, what with the episode 8 being released at that time, and with some other stuff I wrote in the between then and now, but it is done. Well, one more part is left, basicly like an epilogue, wich will be posted in a couple of days, too, but the story itself ends with this one.

Anyway, enjoy, and I wish you all a nice evening :)

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 26

Jakes POV

„How is she?“ I asked Jessy as I entered the room. She got her head up from the book she was reading to look at me. „Still the same.“ She said. I sighed, walking to her bed. I took her hand, placing a soft kiss on her wrist. „The doctor was here earlier.“ Jessy informed me. „He said she is doing fine, that there's not any medical reason to be worried about.“ I just stared at her sleeping face. „Then why won't she wake up, Jessy?“ I asked her desperatly. „She will, Jake.“ she said to me, and I turned arround facing her. She smiled at me „When she's ready.“ Four days passed since they operated on her, and I was worried. Maybe Jessy was right, but her words didn't bring me any peace. She collected her stuff, and came to me. „Call me if you need anything. And if there's any change.“ She said hugging me. „Thanks, I will.“ I said, Jessy smiling once more at me before leaving. With Jessy gone, I moved myself lying next to her, leaning my forehead on the side of her head. „Please, Maya, you have to wake up.“ I whispered to her ear „ I can't do this alone, I need you with me.“

I felt a hand on my shoulder and flinched, turning my head. That nice nurse from before was smiling at me „Sorry, dear, didn't mean to fright you.“ I must have dozed off. „It's fine“ I said. „Is something wrong?“ I asked alarmed, and she smiled again „No, dear. I just need to change some things, so I have to ask you to leave for a while.“ I turned my head back to Maya, she looked so peaceful. „Dont worry, dear“ the nurse said „I'll take good care of her, just like I did before.“ I turned my look back to her. She smiled so heartedly at me, I got a feeling she had a special liking for Maya. And she did stick up for me when they brought Maya in here, and I refused to leave her and was almost dragged out by security. So I felt at peace to leave Maya with her. „Ofcourse, I'll let you do your thing.“ I said, getting up from the bed. I got to the doors when I turned back to her. „I'm sorry, but I don't know your name.“ I said and the nurse looked at me „It's Doris. Why do you ask, dear?“ „So I can properly thank you.“ I said. „So, thank you, Doris, for everything.“ She smiled wide at me „Oh, dear, you're sweet, and I knew I was right about you, but no need to thank me, really.“ She said and winked at me. I smiled back at her a bit confused before leaving the room.

I went outside, getting coffee and just sat at the bench in front of the hospital. I hated being here again. And seeing her back at that bed once more made me angry. And scared. More scared than the last time. All this uncertainty was driving me insane. If everything is fine like the doctor said, why isn't she awake yet? I was deep into my thoughts, that it took me a while to notice my phone was ringing. „Hey, Hannah.“ I answered the call. „Hi, Jake. How is she? Any change?“ she asked. I sighed „Nothing yet.“ „I'm sure everything will be fine soon, she's a fighter.“ She said reasuringly to me. „I hope so.“ I said. „I don't need to ask how you are“ she said „I can hear it in your voice. Did you eat anything today?“ I could hear the worry in her voice for me, and I could have easily lied, but she would know. „Not yet, I will later.“ „Jake, you can't do that to yourself.“ She said „And I won't let you. I'll be there in 10, and I'm taking you for lunch.“ „Hannah, that's nice of you, but rea...“ she didnt let me finish. „Stop it, I don't want to hear it!“ She almost yelled at me, and it made me smile. She really was worried for me, just like a sister would be. I was still geting used to that, of being someones brother. „All right, Hannah, I'll be waiting for you outside.“ „Good.“ She said „And besides, there is something I want to talk to you about anyway. Allrighty, see you in a while.“ „See you, Hannah.“ I said ending the call. I got up from the bench, taking the last sip of my coffe, heading out from the hospital area to meet with her.

The lunch with Hannah passed mostly with her talking and me thoughtfully nodding and saying a few words. She tried hard to lift my spirit up at least a little, and I was grateful to her, but only one thing could pull me back to normal now. „Just think about my proposal. I know you're worried about Maya, we all are, but just think about it, ok?“ Hannah said to me as she drove me back to the hospital. „Yeah, I will.“ I said back to her. She hugged me tight „Hang in there, and call if you need anything.“ „Thanks, Hannah.“ I said hugging her back before leaving the car. Walking back inside the hospital, I did think about Hannahs proposal. She was moving in with Thomas, and she wanted to leave her apartment to me. Wich wasn't a bad idea, actually. I liked the apartment, and besides, when Maya gets out of hospital, she would be more comfortable there than at the motel. And that one room has a nice big window, she would love all that natural light for her drawing. I chuckled to myself at my thoughts. Not im my wildest dreams was I expecting to be thinking of something like this, ever. But she changed me so much, she gave me hope again. She made it so that I felt like I finaly found my quiet place in all this chaos. She was the missing link I was looking for all this time. She became my everything. I entered her room with a smile for the first time after days. And I froze. Her bed was empty. It felt like my heart actually stopped beating for a moment, panic hitting at me like a truck. What happened? I was gone for a few hours, she was fine, what the fuck happened?! „Jake?“ I swallowed hard, turning my head to the sound of my name being called. My eyes swelled with tears, as hers locked with mine. In a few quick steps I came to her, carefully embracing her in a hug, burying my face to her neck. „Don't you ever scare me like this again.“ I said, unsuccessfully hiding my sobs. „I don't think my heart could take it.“ She released me from a hug, her eyes also full of tears. She rested her palm on my cheek, and I closed my eyes taking a deep breath, relieved to feel her touch again. „I knew you wouldn't leave me, that you'd come back to me.“ I said opening my eyes. She smiled at me, her voice raspy „I could never leave you. Nothing can keep me away from you.“ She kissed me then, the kiss salty from out tears. Doris sighed next to us „Oh, the young love..what a beautiful thing it is.“

Doris and me helped her back to bed and she tapped with her hand beside her for me to join. I got next to her and she rested her head on my chest. „How you feeling, angle?“ I asked her. „Tired“ she said „And in pain.“ „Don't worry, hun“ Doris said „I gave you some 'good stuff' now, it will help.“ „Thanks, Doris.“ She said with a weak smile, Doris winking at her before leaving the room. She stirred a bit, making herselff more comfortable „You won't leave, right?“ she said to me sleepily, the meds Doris gave her starting to work. „Ofcourse not“ I said, kissing the top of her head „You just rest, angel, I'll be right here when you wake up.“ She smiled and fell asleep instantly. I just stared through the window, the feeling of her steady breathing relaxing me. I felt my eyes getting heavier, and before I knew it, I too fell asleep.

Mayas POV

It was early in the morning when I woke up. I felt a bit better, but was still in a lot of pain. Jake was still sleeping. And even asleep, he looked tired, the rings under his eyes showing again. Doris entered the room, smiling at me. „Good morning, hun.“ She wispered to me as she came next to the bed checking on my IV. „'Morning.“ I said smiling back at her. She glanced at Jake „I was right about him after all.“ She said and winked at me. I chuckled silently „You sure wer, Doris.“ „Well, rest some more, hun. I'll be back shortly with your breakfast.“ She said, smiling at me again leaving the room. „What was that about?“ I turned my head, Jake looking at me sleepily.“It's not nice to eavesdrop.“ I grinned at him. „It was kinda hard not to.“ He said raising his eyebrow at me. I laughed „All right, you got a point there.“ He smiled at me, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. „It's good to see you laughing again.“ He got serious then „I'm sorry, angel.“ „What for?“ I asked. „For not being there with you.“ he said and sighed „I shouldn't have left you alone. I've let you down again.“ „Hey, that's not true.“ I said „I basicly forced you to leave, so if anyone is to be blamed, it's me then.“ „Even so, but I wasn't there.“ He said. „Jake“ I said softly, and he looked at me „Don't do this to yourself. It's not your fault this happened.“ I could see he was troubled with this. „Who is to say that the same thing wouldn't happen even if you were there?“ I asked him. „I can't, so please, don't torture yourself with 'what if's'. It happened, and I just want to move on, leave it all behind, now that it's finally over.“ He just looked at me „I don't know how you can so easily just move on.“ I sighed „Because, I don't want for it to take over my life. I want to focus on good things ahead of me, not dwell in the past.“ I placed my palm on his face and smiled at him „I want to focus on us.“ He kissed me softly, when Doris voice came from the door „Listen to her, dear, she speaks wisely.“ She said, winking at us. „She sure does, Doris.“ He said, not taking his eyes off me. She came to the bed bringing the food tray. „Now, lets get some food in you, hun. You will need it to get better.“ She said. Jake helped me to sit up, leaning on the pillow, Doris placing the tray in front of us. „I brought some extra, so there is enough for both of you.“ she said and winked at us, before leaving the room. „She sure likes you.“ he said to me as she left. I grinned at him „What to say, I'm just so darn adorable.“ He shook his head at me „And still impossible.“ I grinned even more „Even so, you still love me.“ He looked dreamily at me and smiled „More then you can imagine.“

The rest of my days in hospital passed fast. Jake was mostly with me, making sure to leave me with some kind of entertaintment when he left, either to help with Hannahs moving or for something else. He brought me his laptop, since mine got broken, with bunch of downloaded movies and books on it. Jessy also came to see me as often as she could. I was grateful for everything, but at some point all I wanted was some peace and quiet.

„Are you sure you don't want me to call Jessy to come?“ Jake asked me once more before leaving. „I'm sure“ I said „Don't worry, and don't get me wrong, but some alone time will be nice.“ „Humf, fine.“ He said „But call me if you get bored or anything and I'll be back right away.“ „I will.“ I said and smiled. He kissed me before heading for the doors. „See you soon, angel.“

With Jake gone, the room was quiet again, which was relaxing. I closed my eyes just apprieciating the silence, trying to get some sleep. But the nightmare was back. The images of what happened haunted my dreams repeatedly. Jake noticed it too, but I dismissed his worry quickly every time. He tried convincing me to talk about it with someone, anyone, even if it wasnt him, but I always said I'm fine, that it's not necessary. But he was right after all. I should.

With a sigh, I turned on the side staring through the windown, when a knock came from the doors. I turned, and laughed. A cute teddy bear holding a heart with 'Get well soon!' written on it was smiling at me from the door frame. The person holding it peeped his head behind it and grinned „Hello, gorgeous.“ „Hey, Phil.“ I smiled at him „I was worried you forgot about me.“ I said. He was the only one that hasn't visited me, at least till now. „That could never happen, gorgeous.“ He said walking over to me. „I just...waited for the right moment to come.“ He grinned sitting on the bed next to me. I laughed „So, Jessy informed you it's safe to come now, huh?“ I said raising my eyebrow at him. He grinned even more „Something like that.“ I shook my head „Well, I'm glad you came.“

„You know, my job offer still stands, gorgeous. I would still very much like you to do it.“ Phil said to me after a while. I chuckled „Can I at least get out of this place first? Then we can discuss it further.“ „Ofcours. I just wanted to let you know the offer still stands.“ He grinned devilishly and winked „Just so you don't forget about it.“ I laughed „Oh, don't worry, I never forget about the jobs being offered to me.“ „Good.“ He said and winked again. „Anyway, gorgeous, unfortunately I have to go now. Some of us don't have the luxury to lay in bed all day.“ He said getting up and grinning at me. He stood there for a moment, his face getting serious. He leaned then, embracing me in tight hug „I'm glad you're back with us, gorgeous.“ He said to my ear and kissed me on the cheek before moving from me. I smiled „Me too, Phil, me too.“ I took the teddy and grinned „And thank's for this guy.“ He grinned back „No worries, gorgeous.“ „Hello there.“ A voice sounded at the doors. Phil raised his eyebrow looking at me „Now it really is time I go.“ He smiled once more at me „Take care, gorgeous. See you soon.“ He turned and nodde at the person entering the room „Loverboy.“ Jake did the same walking towards my bed, looking extremely calm, and I was surprised. As they passed eachother, Phil stopped „Hey, loverboy?“ Jake turned to him and Phil's fist colided with his face, sending him to the floor. „Phil!“ I jumped in my bed, wincing instantly from the pain. Phil didn't even spare me a glance, he just leaned down closer to Jake „I told you to take care of her.“ Jake just looked at him, not trying to do anything. Doris bursted to the room „Phil Hawkins!“ she yelled „How dare you come to 'my house' and make a mess?!“ The two just continued to look at eachother, when Phil finaly straightened and turned to Doris with the most wide smile „Sorry, Doris.“ He said walking towards her „I owed him that.“ He gave her a quick peck on the cheek before heading for the doors „Hope I'll see you and the others soon at the Aurora.“ Doris shook her head after him „Schmack.“ She turned to Jake „You all right there, dear?“ she asked him as he got up. „I'm fine, thanks Doris.“ He said and she looked at him „Mhm, sure you are. I'm still gonna brig you some ice for that.“ She said and walked out. „I'm fine.“ Jake said to me seeing my expression. He came and sat next to me. „Thats was very unexpected of you. I was sure you would fight him back.“ I said and he looked at me a bit sad „Well, he was right.“ I sighed „Are we back to that again?“ „What? To me not looking after you? Ofcourse, I will never forgive myself for it.“ Now he sighed desperately „I'm sorry, angel, but I can't just get so easily over it. Maybe with time, but for now it still sits heavy on my shoulders.“ I saw how much all of it still bothered him, and I knew no matter what I might say he wouldn't listen. „All right“ I said after a moment „But, just promise me, you will try to let go off that. For me.“ He half smiled „I promise, angel.“ I pulled him to me for a kiss, and he winced. Doris came back giving Jake the ice pack. „Thank you , Doris.“ He said taking it from her. „You're welcome, dear.“ She said winking before leaving again. I took the ice pack from him „Come here you.“ I said and pulled him to lay next to me. Placing the pack on the spot that was really red by now and started to swell he winced again „Ouch!“. „I'm sorry.“ I said quickly and he grinned at me. „Ohh you, that was mean!“ He laughed „Sorry, angel, couldn't resist.“

„Ready to leave, hun?“ Doris asked smiling from the doors holding my discharge papers. „Definitely!“ I said cheerfuly. She came to me and hugged me „Now, hun, as much as I like you, I hope I'll never see you again.“ She moved from me and winked „At least not in here.“ I chuckled „I hope so too, Doris. And, thank you, again, for everything.“ „No need to thank me, hun.“ She turned to Jake and winked „Now, dear, you take good care of her, this one's a keeper.“ „You can say that again, Doris.“ He said back, and to the surprise of both of us, walked to her and gave her a hug. „And I also thank you for everything.“ He released her, and with glazing eyes she waved her hand at us „Oh, you two..get going now, before you get me even more teary.“ She smiled and squeezed us both on the hand before leaving the room „Take care, kids.“

Feeling the sun on my face as we stepped out from the hospital felt so good. „So, do you maybe want to go somewhere first?“ Jake asked me as we walked towards the car. „I mean, you were in there for quite a wile.“ I smiled at him „Yeah, thats true. But I still feel a bit tired. Maybe tomorrow.“ As much as I appriciated being out, I still needed to rest. But I also wasn't very eager of the thought of returning back to the motel. Not after all that happened there. He smiled back at me „As you wish, angel. We got to the apartment then.“ „Apartment? Not the motel?“ I asked surprised. „Ahm, well yeah.“ He started „I hope you don't mind, but I got all your stuff and took them to Hannah's place.“ He got a bit nervous „I mean, I am staying there now that she's moved in with Thomas. And to be honest, I thought you might feel...less uneasy there.“ I stopped walking, and he turned to look at me. „Everything all ri...“ But I didn't let him finish. I pulled him in a tight hug „Thank you. You have no idea how glad I am to hear this. I so didn't want to go back to the motel. Not after everything.“ I felt tears coming to my eyes. „I know, angel.“ He said, and a sob escaped me. Then another, and another. He hugged me tighter „It's ok, angel, everything will be fine. I've got you now.“ He just held me there in a tight hug, letting me cry on his shoulder, for as long as I needed it.

„Ohh, this room is amazing with all this natural light!“ I squealed as Jake showed me around the apartment. He chuckled „I thought you might like it. Hence that big table there.“ I turned grinning to him „You did this for me?“ „Ofcourse, angel.“ I rushed to him throwing my hands around his neck and kissing him, but winced from the pain in my shoulder. „All right, that's enough excitement for you for now.“ He said ushering me out of the room. He lead me to the couch, made me sit then lifted my feet up. „Now don't move from here unless it's really necessary.“ He said stern with a raised eyebrow. „Oh, come on, that's not needed.“ I said protestingly. He chuckled „Maybe, but just take it easy for a day or two more.“ I was about to protest again, but he looked at me, making such a puppy face that I couldn't possibly say no to him. „Argh, all right, although I feel fine, I'll do it for you.“ „Thank you, angel.“ He said and leaned to kiss me. „Now, can I get you anything? Drink, food?“ he asked and i grinned „Well, I would kill for a coffee.“ He laughed hard „Why I'm not surprised about that.“ He said standing up. „Well, since I'm not allowed to move from this spot, I hope you're ready to indulge my demands.“ I said grinning. He smiled „For you, angel, I'll do anything.“

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3 MONTHS LATER

„Just come to the Aurora tonight, Jessy, I will tell you everything then.“ I said to her on the phone, as I entered the apartment. „Fine, be all secretive then.“ She said sulky. I laughed „No need for that tone, you know that won't work on me. I'm still not gonna tell you anything now.“ „Ahhh, fine! See you tonight then.“ „See you, Jessy.“ I entered the kitchen, Jake sitting at the table with his laptop. He smiled „Hey, angel.“ „Hey babe.“ I said going to him for a kiss. „How was with dr. Barret?“ he asked. „It was ok.“ I said sitting next to him. „It actualy feels good to talk about it with someone.“ I smiled „Thank you for talking me into doing it.“ „No need to thank me, angel.“ He said smiling back. I sighed „I hope it doesn't bother you that it's not you that I can talk to about it.“ He took my hand, pulling me from the chair to sit on his lap „I don't really care who you talk about it with, angel. Heck, I wouldn't care if you said you wanted to talk to Phil about it. As long as you get better.“ I laughed „Huh, you know, now that you mentioned it, they do say that barkeepers are a good listeners. So kinda close to psychiatrist.“ I tilted my head and said teasingly „It would definitely be cheeper. And beside, I'm sure Phil wouldn't mind listening to me, me being all vulnerable around him, and..“ „Ok,ok, no need to continue.“ He said quickly interupting me. „You just stick with dr. Barret.“ I laughed „Awww, babe, will you ever be at ease about Phil?“ „Probably not.“ He said thoughtfully. I smiled „Not even now, when I'm about to move in with you?“ He grinned „Not even then.“ I chuckled „You're hopeless then.“ He gave me a quick kiss. „Sooo“ he started grinning again„You think Jessy will be happy when you tell her the news about you moving here?“ „Happy?“ I said, „No, I don't think so.“ He looked confused at me, and I grinned „She will be thrilled.“

A/N: Ok, so after a short, but lovely chat with @lovingstudentangel who got a bit confused with how I ended the previous chapter, with the part of Jake visiting a grave, thinking it was the end of the story, so I want to clarifie it for her, or anyone else who might have been equaly confused. It was his mother grave that he visited, and I used that part as a clifhanger. I hope all is in the clear now :)

#duskwood #duskwood everbyte #duskwood fanfiction #duskwood mc #duskwood jake #duskwood jake x mc

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ajbwasntwriting · 4 years

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Daughter!Reader X Negan, Reader x Daryl: Chapter 7. Home Sweet Home

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The quest for relevant gifs continue as we begin this chapter with a cheeky little flashback. Hope you all had a happy end of 2020 and may all your 2021 goals come to fruition.

I’ll only post more chapters if previous chapters get a good reaction so if you enjoy this please heart it, reblog it, and/or reply to it. Interaction inspires.

if you wish to be added to the tag list please dm me. All chapters can be found under the tag AJ’s Negan’s Daughter AU

The school bell rang. All the kids packed up their things and got into a line to walk out the school to their parents. You were told to always take the back of the line, that way when all the other kids walked out the door to meet their parents, you could break off and run down to the teacher’s cafeteria. You’d stand outside the door and fifteen minutes later your father would arrive, usually with another two teachers in tow. Everyday you’d see him round the corner then drop your bag and sprint your little legs down to him. He’d pick you up in his arms and place a big kiss on your cheek.

“How was your day princess? Did you give Janet a hard time?” he’d ask, to which you’d always shake your head no. He’d smile at you before placing you back on the ground, then you’d run back to your bag and your father would bring you back to his classroom where he taught other kids. He’d correct work for a bit while you did your homework, usually at a desk far too big for you but it was still easier then the kitchen table.

After you had finished your homework your father would let you pull out pencils and paper and draw until either he had finished his corrections or it was time to go. It was 1985 and you were strapped into the backseat of your father’s car with ‘Out Of Touch’ on the radio. You were six years old and living the high life in the back of your daddy’s car on the way to your suburban house where your mom was cooking pasta for dinner after a long-shift at 7/11.

You woke up when the light hit your eyes, stirring you from the peaceful childhood dream of speeding down the country rode while The Bangles sang out. You were lying on a hard bed in what looked like a med-bay made out of an office. Realisationed hit you like a truck that this was the Sanctuary and you shot up, immediately regretting it when everything started to hurt.

“Woah Woah, easy.” A man chided as he jumped to your side, grabbing you by the shoulders to stop you from getting out of the bed. You yelled at him to get off you as you swung at him, sending him backwards. In a moment another two were on you, a man and a woman.

“Tie her before she pulls out her IV!” the woman yelled. The first man stood up and began strapping you in using broad leather straps while the other two put their weight on you.

You struggled as best you could, still exhausted and something heavy on your leg. “Let. me. Out!” you yelled as you pushed against the bonds.

“Get Daryl” one of the women commanded, the second man running out. “Try not to pull that IV out. We can’t patch you up if you do.” she commented, walking around to tend to the man you punched. At this angle you could see the four barred tattoos on her neck. You recognised her, but it seemed she didn’t recognise you. Or at least wasn’t saying anything.

“What are you gonna do to me?” you asked, trying to hide your fear. The man glared at you from where he sat on another hospital bed, his eye turning bruised.

“Nothing.” The woman commented. “Bosses orders” the man scoffed at that, earning a slap to his chest by the woman.

“What? You actually think Daryl is the boss. Negan had him putting dead ones on the fence! He should still be doing that!” the woman punched him in the chest

“Knock it off,” she chided “Unless you wanna get punished”

“He doesn’t do that shit” the man grumbled.

“Do you wanna be the reason he starts doing it?” You couldn’t help but laugh. Maybe it was your nerves at the situation but their banter was completely unexpected. She turned around and looked at your tied down giggling figure. “What’s so funny!?”

“You sound like his mom” you turned your head to look at them as you spoke, a smile on your face.

“She bitches like the old hag too” the man chirped, earning a more playful slap from the woman. This was good, the tension was being lifted if only slightly.

“Sorry for punching you. New surroundings, ya know.” you piped up, hoping to take advantage of the tension drop.

“Yea well, you're not getting out of those belts” the man retorted, nodding towards the binds

“That’s fair” you sigh. Looks like you’ll need a new plan. Maybe some info, but you’d have to give a little to get a little “So are you gonna kill me? Like your friends tried to”

“What you mean?” The man asked

“Couple of people broke into my safe house, said they were saviours and they were gonna kill me to save their friends.” you stared at the ceiling, trying to feign complete helplessness. “Are you with them?”

“No, but-” the woman shushed him again, but that did nothing to deter the man. “We used to be, then a war happened and our boss got locked up and they put an outsider in to look over us”

‘Locked up?’ you thought ‘so he’s not dead.’ you bit your tongue to contain your happiness. “I can’t say I’m sorry” you said after a beat, “So...I’m gonna live?” you looked at them with intentionally wide eyes. The woman looked pissed, but she nodded. You breathed a sigh of relief and closed your eyes. A beat or two later the man returned with Daryl and a grey-hair woman in tow.

“Get those off her!” Daryl ordered.

“It’s okay” you interjected. “I punched your friend there. Kinda earned this”

“Nah” the first man perked up “If I had been jumped then woke up in a strange place I’d have acted out too,” he moved over and started opening the belts, Daryl working on the others. You slowly pulled yourself up, Daryl jumping to your side to help you into a sitting position.

“You alright?” Daryl asked. You looked over now realising your palms were bandaged and your leg was in a splint. You reached up to your aching head and felt a bandage with your fingers.

“I’ve been better” you spoke low, still in a great deal of pain.

“What happened?” the grey haired woman asked. You spun a story of a bunch of people claiming to be saviours who entered your apartment with the plan of ambushing and killing Daryl, how you burned down the apartment and jumped out the window for your escape. The grey haired woman listened to you with growing worry on her face. “Did you kill them all?” she pushed

“I don’t know.” you admitted

“What do you mean you dont know!” she snapped

“Carol-” Daryl started

“No, if there’s people out there claiming to be saviours and hurting people then we’re gonna look bad in front of the other settlements.” Carol snapped back.

“She’s right,” the messenger added. “We’ll have to do something.”

“These were our brothers” the punched man spoke out “We can’t just kill them.”

“They didn’t give us a choice” Daryl snapped. “Y/N barely got out alive and she’s been living out there for months. What if they get someone who can’t hold their own!” he went to storm out but you reached out of the bed and grabbed his arm, yelling out in pain at the strain.

“Don’t” you warned, after Daryl and the woman helped you back into the bed. “If they’re still there then they’re barricaded and have significant advantage.”

“Well what do you purpose we do?” Carol asked. Your breath was getting heavy.

“Anybody got a map of DC? And maybe a pencil”

The original messenger boy got you a map and a pen. You marked out where your apartment had been, as well as some buildings that had fallen apart with age. “They said they were watching me, which means they could be in any of these” you marked around the stable buildings that could make for a hide, which was surprisingly few. “This is my hideout in city centre” you said marking the building

“You never mentioned another safe house.” Daryl spoke up, you smirked

“A girl needs her secrets.” you handed the pen to Daryl “What route did you take to my place?” he lined in his route.

“What if they’re farther?” Carol asked.

“They’re not.” you spoke firmly “They were watching me for long enough they knew when Daryl wouldn’t be around which means they made their place comfortable, and I bet a couple of them got injured in the fire, meaning they’re gonna have to lay low and patch themselves up,” You explained. Your body finally gave way and you fell back on the pillows. The woman jumped to your help, telling the others to go. She made you comfortable in the bed, you drifting off to sleep again not long after.

“How’d you know they’re there?” she asked later that evening when you were awake, eating some acorn mush, “How are you sure?”

You could sense she was worried. “I was in the military before all this” you answered. “Our job was to sneak into enemy territory to help our fellow soldiers or civilians. We used to make maps like that, using where our friends got attacked as a central point to where the enemy could be hiding” she nodded as you explained, though still visibly nervous. “They’ll be fine” you tried to reassure her. “If they’re not nearby, they’ll have to get through hordes of walkers before they’ll be somewhere safe. You’re friends will get them”

She seemed to be reassured, If only a little. “You know I’m meant to be looking after you,” she breathed out, a tear sneaking over her cheek. She wiped it away before it could fall. “I’m Laura, by the way”

“I’m Y/N”

The following morning they all returned, with the exception of Daryl. “You were right” Laura informed you. The ‘saviours’ were held up barely a block away and now they were dead.

“Where’s Daryl?” You asked when Carol visited you.

“He took off for Alexandria” Carol replied. “I’m in charge now.”

“Oh” you spoke, clearly disappointed. Carol ordered Laura to leave, putting you on high alert. She pulled up a chair and looked you in the eyes with a dead stare.

“What is your relationship with Daryl?” she asked bluntly. You cocked an eyebrow at her.

“I’m gonna need you to elaborate so I can give you an answer you’d be happy with, Carol.” you replied helpless from the bed. She knew you couldn’t run, yet she was putting on this show of bravado? She seemed to accept your request though.

“Up until three days ago we didn’t know Daryl had a secret lady hiding in the city. We want to make sure Daryl isn’t keeping secrets that can hurt us.” she spoke a little more relaxed now, but still direct. She reminded you of your mother in a way, whenever she noticed a cookie was missing, or later in life, her vodka had been replaced with water.

“So Rick, Carl, or Tara hadn’t mentioned me either?” those names spurred on some recognition. “Guess not” you sighed, thinking on how to break to this woman you had tried to kill two of her friends. You came to the conclusion that you shouldn’t. “I traded with Carl and Rick for some medical supplies. Few months later Tara, Rick, and Daryl stumbled into my area needing help so I did. Daryl’s been trading with me since.”

“What kind of trade?” she pushed.

“Food,” you answered. “He’s been feeding me, in return I’ve been getting him stuff. Blankets, bandages, jeans, kid’s shit like bottles, and toys-”

“And raincoats with little butterflies on it?” Carol interrupted you. You nodded and whispered a ‘yeah’ under your breath. “I have a niece called Judith. She’s trying to name all the butterflies.” she spoke lovingly of the child and you couldn’t help but smile at the thought of a small girl pointing at water-proof butterflies giving them cute names. She probably gave them different names every time she listed them.

The smile faded as you remembered the world isn’t that simple anymore. “So what now?” you asked.

“You’ll stay here” Carol ordered. “You’ll do your part, whatever way you can.”

You nodded in agreement “I know this might be a big ask considering we just met but,” you began, taking a big breath to try and stave off the tiredness, “Could I help here? In the hospital. I was a combat medic before this so it’s probably the best way I can help.”

And it could be a great way to weed out who knows who you are and threaten them into keeping their mouth shut, or even shutting it for them.

Your request was granted, under the watchful eye of Laura, and so began your new life at The Sanctuary.

~Tag List~

@bodeckersbitch @lauren-novak

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honeypirate · 3 years

Text

Figure it out

Part four

Hinawa and fem reader

Masterlist here

The one with ✨ another song! ✨ And nurse 👨‍⚕️Hinawa!

I’m like that monkey at a type writer that people always say “even a monkey could write that” that’s how I feel with this lol but I like it anyway 😜

You wake up before him, slowly coming to consciousness as the sun shines into the window, your eyes flutter open and immediately look over to him, taking in his messy bed hair and calm face, a hand on his chest and one on his stomach. You watch him until you see him start to stir, then you take a deep breath and sit up, stretching out your arms and groaning at the pain and stiff muscles from your injury.

“Good morning sleepy head” you say when he sits up, he smiles “good morning” you smile at his morning voice, so low and raspy. “How do you feel?” he asks and you shrug “as good as i can post surgery with a stab wound. I don’t like that you were so overworked, but I’m glad I don't have to be here alone” he yawns and then smiles softly at you, his eyes still full of sleep as he gazes over at you “well, honestly, even if I didn’t have to be here, I still would come and stay by you if i knew you didn’t want to be alone.” you raise your eyebrows with a smile “you’d do that for me?” he nods and sighs, a soft sound containing all he feels about waking up and seeing you in the morning, makes him wish he stayed beside you when he slept in your bed. “of course i would. You’re important to me” he says softly and before you could discuss that any further nurses came through the door.

After their tests they tell you that Hinawa can be discharged and that you could as well if you promised to be on bed rest with minimal office duties for the next few months until you’re fully healed. You decided to take that offer because there was no way in hell you’d sleep in this bed another night, they gave you some as needed pain medication and a prescription for another month, with an appointment to get your stitches taken out in two weeks.

Back at the base you head towards the Captain’s office but Hinawa stops you “you heard them. you should go rest. I’ll tell Captain Obi” you’re about to insist you’re fine but he shakes his head, holding out your medication he was carrying “go, take some of your medication and rest” he orders and gently shoves you in the direction of your room and you huff before sticking your tongue out at him as you walk away, keeping your right arm against your middle so you didn’t move your stitches.

You stop by the kitchen to get some water and run into Maki, “oh Y/N you’re finally back! How are you?” “it’ll take more than a little knife to take me out” you say and laugh gently as you get yourself a glass of water “how long will you be out?” you take one of your pills before you say “a couple months, i hope less though” she nods “you should go rest but it’s my turn for dinner so it’ll be done in a few hours” you nod “okay thank you, see you later”

When you make it back to your room you lay down, the short walk strangely exhausting, you find yourself panting, your side hurting. “Okay, i’ll just lay here until my meds kick in, then i’ll get up” you close your eyes, trying to distract you from the throbbing pain, focusing on evening out your breaths, you didn’t notice when the meds kicked in because you were already asleep.

When you wake up again it’s dark outside, your clock’s lights reading 12:23am, you lay there for a moment, considering going back to sleep but your stomach rumbles and you groan, having missed all meals today you were starving. You slowly roll out of bed, the familiar walk taking longer because of your baby steps.

He was worried when you didn’t come to dinner, but he figured you were sleeping when your door was quiet, and figured he would make you a good breakfast in the morning. He woke up to your singing again, your voice from the kitchen vents

“It's nothing, it's so normal you You just stand there, I could say so much But I don't go there 'cause I don't want to I was thinking if you were lonely Maybe we could leave here and no one would know At least not to the point that we would think so”

He pushes off his blanket and quickly makes his way to the kitchen.

The lights are on this time, illuminating the hallway from the open door “And I couldn't tell, if anyone here was feeling the way I do But I'm lonely now, and I don't know how To get it back to good”

he walks in and smiles at the sight of you singing softly, heating up some of dinner with a metal bowl with your hands on either side, using your fire instead of the microwave. “Hey” he says and you look up at him from the counter you had used a chair to be able to sit on top of, “hey are you hungry?” you ask and he shrugs “i could eat” you laugh “perfect, I already have enough for you here”

You convince him to eat on the couch since you were injured, and he carries both of your bowls as you walk, he tells you everything you missed during the later afternoon and evening, the fights over dinner and the new information about the white clad. Once you’re sitting on the couch, he hands you your bowl and you smile up at him warmly “thank you Hinawa” he nods and sits next to you, his thigh pressed into yours leaving no space between you. He was warm and it was comforting, you found yourself leaning into him but didn’t care enough to stop, you were injured and medicated and needed some comfort from him

You eat in silence and when you are just thinking about how you needed a drink, Hinawa hands you a bottle of water. you didn’t question it, just took it with a smile. After you were done eating, you leaned your head against his shoulder and closed your eyes “when I was younger, I used to help out on my grandma’s farm in the Chinese peninsula. well one day i was messing around while working, completly goofing off, and slipped in some mud while carrying these 5 gallon buckets full of water with lids on them. i slipped and landed on the very edge of the lid. The edge went right between two of my ribs and cracked them. What was the worst was that one of the farm workers saw it happen and came to ask me if i was okay and I just popped up and pretended i was fine, i said “at least i didn’t spill the water!” and laughed And he gave me this like” you raise your head and look at him with a super worried face, causing him to chuckle “and he said ‘no sweetheart,who cares about the water. Are YOU okay?” you chuckle, the medication making your ribs only slightly ache, “I didn’t even find out my ribs were hurt until later, showing my grandma my bruises that night, it hurt to laugh for two weeks or so” you lean your head against his shoulder “you must have been a really tough kid” you smile and nod “I guess I was, but the actual reason why I told you this story,” you frown and bring your hand up, grabbing his shirt sleeve gently and turn your face further into his arm, your voice more muffled now “ this injury is going to take longer to heal than that one, which means less time I can laugh. And I love joking around with you every day, love that you make me laugh easily, I don’t want to have to miss out on that for a long time” he chuckles and lifts his arm, wrapping it around your shoulders and gently holds you a little closer “i’m sorry you wont get my amazing jokes for the next little while” you lean up and point at him “you have to keep telling me things! No! Don't stop. I will just control myself!” he smiles and you get a little embarrassed by your outburst “please, dont stop telling me funny things. Okay?” you whisper and he nods “okay, but if you hurt yourself and laugh i will stop right then” you nod quickly “deal! No going back on it!”

He laughs some more and you lean back into him, a smile on your face as you try and hold in a groan, pain shooting in your side from your wound, hoping to get away with it until Hinawa tenses, scooting forward and looking at your side with a worried face, thats when you notice the blood on his side and you gasp, looking down at yourself and seeing the blood spot against your white shirt “you might have ripped a stitch” he says and you sigh “fuck. Can you help me? I can't quite..” you hold your hands up and try to reach it to showing him how awkward it is, he nods “i’ll meet you in the bathroom for the better light after i put the dishes away i’ll grab the first aid kit and be right there” you nod and stand, wincing with the movement, thankfully Hinawa wasn’t looking and you sighed in relief. When you look up to himhe looks straight into your eyes “i saw that” he says and then laughs at your look “i’m not going to lecture you this time though, not unless you do this again” you nod and salute weakly “yes sir” he shakes his head and holds the two bowls stacked in one hand, his other resting on your lower back as you walk down the hall together, not moving it until you pass the kitchen and he leaves you to continue your slow shuffle by yourself.

You reach the bathroom and manage to maneuver your way up onto the counter top and once you do you look to the doorway and see him standing there, an amused smile on his lips “did you..?” he laughs “yeah, the whole thing. Im impressed with how determined you were, i could have just lifted you if you waited” you sigh and he comes over to you holding the first aid kit and an extra shirt

He looks at you for a few moments, you look back into his eyes without speaking, like you were lost in his beautiful golden orbs, until you realized he can’t help you with your shirt still on. You blush and look down before you use your arm on your good side to lift the bottom up over your head before pulling it down your other arm and holding it in your lap as you avoid eye contact now, suddenly feeling very self conscious.

He watches as you take off your shirt, the tips of his ears turning pink because of how soft your skin looks, of how gorgeous you are. He watches as you blush and shrink into yourself, watching the physical response of your self consciousness. “Hey” he says softly and you hum in question without looking up at him. He reaches out and with his first three fingers, gently tilts your head to look at him.

“Let’s fix you up okay? Don’t worry I wont hurt you” you smile at his warmth “I trust you Hinawa” he nods “good” he drops his hand and then washes them in the sink next to you before opening the first aid kit and slowly peeling off the bandage stuck to your skin with tape.

He dabs at your would gently with a wet washcloth as you hold your arm up, clutching your opposite shoulder so it’s out of his way. “it’s not bad, you won't have to go back to the doctor, you just need to take it easy and go to bed after i’m done” you smile as you study his face while he looks at your stab wound. He dabs it with peroxide, then puts on some neosporin so it won't stick to the gauze he places over it and then another bandage that he wraps around your middle instead of taping it to you.

“Is this too tight?” he asks and you shake your head “no, it’s perfect. Thank you for your help.” he nods “of course, here, i brought you a shirt” he hands you one of his extra black shirts and you thank him before taking it and trying to put it on. He watches as you struggle for a moment before reaching out, helping you unfold it and slip it up over your bad arm and then holds it as you slip your other arm through it, gently sliding the soft material down all the way, his fingers brushing across the skin on your back.

Once you brush your teeth and make sure you have everything you need, you lay in bed, him helping you get situated in silence. You watch him, a question in your eyes that you’re too embarrassed to ask “Do you want me to stay?” he asks for you and you smile shyly “only if you want to though” he smiles and then looks into your eyes “if i am being honest, I slept the best next to you than i have in the all of my adult years” you beam up at him “then you’re saying you’ll-” he nods “I’ll stay” your heart warms and your stomach floods with butterflies as he climbs into your bed beside you.

Because of your wound you have to lay on your side facing him, a smile on your lips and your eyes looking at his face as he lays beside you “you can’t sleep unless you shut your eyes” he says with a smirk, his eyes never opening. You reach out and grab his side, pulling yourself as close to him as you can and moving down just a little before you bury your face in his chest, he chuckles and watches you, waiting until you're comfortable before he gently wraps his arm over you.

“Tell me a story?” you ask and he sighs with a smile into your hair “real or fake?” he asks and you smile into his chest “you decide” he hums as he thinks “okay, ill tell you the story and at the end you can guess if you think it’s fake or real” he thinks for a moment before kissing the top of your head and beginning his story, his hand coming up to play with your hair that’s on the bed behind you

“There once was a prince of a small kingdom, he was handsome, intelligent, and level headed. One day the prince’s best friend was poisoned by a neighboring kingdom that was trying to start a war. The prince vowed then and there that he would never allow himself to care for another person again, never wanting to feel the same pain and grief again. He lived like this for many years, keeping his heart guarded, thinking he was doing the right thing” you were trying so hard to pay attention, forcing yourself to stay awake for this, it felt important. But the sound of his voice, the smell of him, and the warmth of him holding you, that fights to pull you to sleep.

“One day the prince met a princess, she came to stay at his kingdom and they became friends, laughing and joking with each other every day, she was the only one in the kingdom who seemed to understand everything about him without even trying. She easily walked into his heart and made it her home, walking through each wall and barrier like it was nothing, like it was her purpose to make him feel again. The only one who made feelings joyous instead of exhausting. She saw every hidden part of the Prince and made him feel worthy, she showed him how nice it is to have someone close to him who understands and doesn't make him feel guilty about where he lacks. The door in his heart opened for her like she had the only key.” you smile, thinking about how lovely the princess sounds. He swallows hard and his hand stills, strands of your hair twisted gently around each finger.

“The Prince fell in love with the Princess easily, even though he hadn’t felt the feeling for years she easily claimed all of his love as her own. She would sing to him, call him to her with her angelic voice. She made him laugh easily and not to mention she was an amazing person. She is kind, smart, and the prince is positive she is made of everything sweet and good. One day the princess got hurt.” Your fingers clutch his shirt gently as you whisper “oh no” he chuckles and kisses the top of your head before continuing “She got hurt and the Prince couldn't protect her. He felt terrible about it even though there wasn’t anything he could have done in the moment, he was tied up at the time. There was nothing he hated more than seeing her hurt and wished he could save her from it, but since he couldn’t, he would do anything he could to help her as she recovered. staying by her side and protecting her until she was strong again, until she was back to being able to protect herself. then he would go back to being her partner, and not just her nurse and guard.” You sigh and turn your face so your cheek presses against his chest “I like the prince” you whisper and he smiles

“Real or fake?” he asks and you hum into his chest, too far asleep to truly answer. You hum again and try to wake yourself up more but your mouth doesnt say what your brain tells it, it just mumbles out “my.. prince” before taking a deep breath and sighing into his chest, completely unconscious.

He wakes up with a start, panic in his heart from a dream he can’t remember. He looks down at you in his arms, a smile on your sweet sleeping face. You looked like an angel in his arms, the sun on the horizon hitting your window illuminated the back of you like a halo. He tried to move, to get comfortable again, but your unconscious hand gripped his shirt, and his heart. He was frozen to the spot, his heart racing thinking he woke you up, he waited a moment before looking down at you again.

“Maybe, if this happens again, we could sleep in your bed. It’s bigger than mine right?” you say and snuggle further into him, making sure you don't hurt yourself anymore, your wound was already throbbing and you didn't want to make it worse until you had to get up. He chuckles and kisses the top of your head “right” he clears his throat, the sun rising waking him up more, “you’d want to, do this again? Sleep beside each other?” you look up then, opening your eyes purposefully to look into his, “Hinawa” you reach up to cup his cheek “why wouldn’t i? You keep me safe. Do you think that these have just been coincidences? That it was just because you happened to be here?” you pull your hand down and furrow your brows “unless you don’t like mmm--“ you stop and change your sentence “ You don't want to. Then I mean yeah of course whatever you want I don’t want to make you uncomfortable” he smooths out your brows gently with his finger and he chuckles softly “shhh shh it’s not like that” he gently wraps his arm around you and holds you to his chest, his hand gentle against the back of your head.

A knock sounds at your door followed by Maki’s voice “sorry to wake you y/n but we have an emergency meeting in 5” you tense, knowing it must be big if they’re waking everyone “thank you Maki” when her footsteps retreat is when Hinawa lets you go, he looks into your eyes, he was sad you had to part so soon but he knew it must be important. “We’ll talk later” you smile softly and nod as he gets up softly and helps you out of bed so you didn't hurt yourself. At your door he cups your cheek with a smile before silently slipping out your door.

#hinawa fanfiction #hinawa imagines #hinawa x y/n #hinawa x you #hinawa takehisa x reader #fire force hinawa #hinawa x reader #takehisa hinawa fanfiction

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mollydollyjournals · 3 years

Text

Everything feels so quiet again. I hate this about being nocturnal. At least during the day more people are around and online and I might have a little interaction. I wonder if I'll ever get my body clock to function on a 24hr schedule. Even as a child and teenager I've always had sleeping problems though. My body clock has always fought against regular timing. I definitely find it easiest when I'm actually excited to get up for something in particular, but that's not all there is to it. Besides that feels like a tall ask right now.

I've been crying a lot recently. I dont usually cry that much at all but the past month maybe, in increasing frequency, and the majority of the past few days, I'm always on the verge of or in tears. I'm on so much prozac I can sometimes feel it pushing me to just smile through it and do something, but I think my mind wins over it when it sees that my 5 minutes of positivity didnt bring luck like everyone says it will. I'm tempted to lower my dose just so I can at least be consistently sad. Part of me hopes I'd get bad enough to SH and do more noticeable stuff so someone will realise how I feel, but part of me knows that's not how itll work and I'll just do those things and feel even worse because I'm still by myself. Most of me feels guilty because that's the dramatic stereotype and nobody likes an attention seeker, but most of me also knows it's not socially acceptable to directly ask for help and support. The times I've said a thing about how bad I feel, very obviously in need of support, i havent got it. So if i did something more, i still wouldnt get it, but I'd just be bothering people even more by letting them see. But then maybe I'd actually get the balls to just end it properly and get it over with. But I also know I'm not someone who'd do something so final without exhausting all options first, which means I'd also say that more directly, and then the same issue applies.

I'm so sick of feeling like this. I feel like such a waste of space and it's the same problem where I need x to do y but I need y to get z and I need z to get x. Whenever I try to force myself to break that cycle alone, I burn out. I feel worse for the fact that I'm doing it alone. I feel like theres no point in achieving any of it if I'm still alone. I did so much growing up by myself and doing way too much and all it got me was a bit more time alive so I could watch everyone else actually live and realise how cut off i was. Last time i had a major breakdown i came out of it over time but i felt worse afterwards than before because of the fact that I'd had to deal with it alone. I felt resentful of all the people who saw me say outright on my social media 'I feel really terrible and I need support/dont think I can deal with this alone/etc' and either said nothing or just briefly acknowledged it then continued on. I didnt really get over it, I just stopped in the same way a baby learns to stop crying eventually if nobody comes. So i came out of the breakdown with the resentful and anxious feeling that i cant really rely on anyone and am truly alone.

Now I'm so much more sensitive. Of course I'm more sensitive. I'm scared this is more permanent mental shit that I wont be able to get rid of. I cant stay like this forever. I never used to be this bad. But I had some outlets at least, and some hope that it might be different at some point. Now it feels like I'm just so worn out and I need to rest and be protected but the longer I go without it the more I need and the more impossible it gets and then I feel like theres no point in trying because theres no way to fix the cycle. Not without some anime-level miracle.

All I can do is drink and hope I get distracted by something else for a while. Hope I get chatty and confident enough to send the first messages and make the first posts, hope the audience happens to be responsive. Hope I come up with some kind of idea that'll keep me busy and entertained.

There was a day a few months ago where I drank a lot over the course of a day, and I started getting really bad palpitations where my heart was stopping for a few seconds at a time and restarting painfully. It especially stopped whenever I lay down and kept still, ie when I was trying to sleep. I thought I was probably going to die in the night so I wrote out a little note on my phone just in case. But I was kind of happy about it. For whatever reason, a few friends had been online and we'd all talked a lot, and I'd had things to do, and we talked about what we were doing throughout that day, and we all screwed around and shitposted, and it was just nice. It didnt feel so much like quarantine as just long distance friends and I felt like if that was gonna be my last day then so be it.

Of course, I didnt die. It turned out my meds needed adjusting so I did that and the palpitations lessened. I kind of wish I did just die. I guess it's morose. But it would have taken the guesswork and worrying out of all this. I'm just so tired. Its not that I dont want to get better and enjoy life. I just dont know if I can. I dont know if theres too much damage been done. I was already a difficult case before the pandemic but it's really fucked me over a lot and brought up a lot of old and new insecurities and I dont know if I'm really able to make the transition to something normal and okay.

My heart palpitations are bad again right now. Today it's because of restricting food. Theres some kind of weak heart trait in my family so I've always had the occasional palpitation, but they get bad sometimes. It's not painful right now, just weak. If I breathe too deeply it loses rhythm. I keep beginning to hyperventilate from anxiety and my heart gets irregular and weird. Of course as I say that I get some pain.

I dont feel like I can eat more though. I did have a meal for dinner. Low calorie, but a meal. So my calories for today weren't super low. One thing that's always consistent about my thing with food etc is the control element. That when everything is bad, I need something to go my way, and this is all I can do. I dont know.

Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. Probably not. But I really want to. I really need to. It only takes small things, small distractions to keep me going. If I can just survive long enough to keep at some things to change my situation, maybe I can get out of this. But if I crack, I drink and binge and do other things that make me feel worse. I dont know. I'm trying to drag myself along but I guess it doesn't look like I'm doing anything at all.

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feeling-uncomfy · 4 years

Text

This is for u @trademarked-but-not-really do with it what you will :D

There is a blood warning, just a heads up!

Also, Hawks platonically calling Tokoyami baby bird gives me serotonin —

"Goodbye, sir." Tokoyami waved from the front door of Hawks's agency. The sun was setting slowly, the sky was a warm orange colour. Hawks grinned and shot a feather to bump his interns shoulder, hands occupied. "Dont forget to text when you get back to the dorms, okay?" Tokoyami let's out a huff but nods and walks out of the building. Hawks sighs, another day done.

The other sidekicks left in an orderly fashion, each getting the paperwork finished relatively easily, so Hawks was left alone after a half hour. He sighed and looked down at the paperwork left unfinished.

It was his, so Hawks had no excuse to not have it done. Plus, the commission had been on his ass recently regarding his lack of monthly check-ins, which annoyed the winged hero. Why should he still have to answer to them? Hawks huffed and sat down, prepared to sit there and get it done.

Until there was a loud bang at the door.

Hawks sprang up. He had just closed up, why was someone there? He left his office and walked down the hall. He was about to tell whoever was there to piss off, but what he was met with made him freeze.

"Tokoyami?! What—?" Hawks walked up to the door, where Tokoyami was hunched heavily over it, clearly trembling. He didnt look up when Hawks approached, which worried him. "Kid? What's going on?"

Hawks opened the glass door, and Tokoyami fell through. Hawks let out a shout of alarm and picked his intern up, and set him on his feet. "Kid...?" Tokoyami still hadn't responded, his hands were clamped down on his beak, shielding it. Hawks couldn't help the confused expression rise on his face.

"What happened? Answer me, kiddo." He went to touch Tokoyami's beak, but the teen jerked out of his grip, and swayed dangerously on his feet. Hawks stared. It was like he couldn't stand straight.

"Kid, I need to see your face, can you do that?" Hawks asked softly, moving closer. Tokoyami let out a pained noise in the back of his throat, but moved one hand. Hawks inhaled sharply. There was blood coating his hand, and it looked like the flow hadn't stopped.

Hawks was immediately put on edge. "Tokoyami, who did this." His voice had lost all hospitality, and Tokoyami scrunched up, clearly taken aback by the dramatic change. Hawks asked again, more urgently this time. Tokoyami couldn't get the words out.

"Did— didnt know what to—" Tokoyami shut his eyes tight again, his whole body tensed as another load of pain shot through his head. It was enough to make him stumble again. Hawks caught him easily, and moved him to the couch. Hawks didnt like how slurred and messed up his interns speech had become.

"Right, stay here, I'll go get you a first aid kit, okay? We'll fix this." Tokoyami didnt react. Hawks got worried. "Kid? Open your eyes, kid" Tokoyami's eyes opened slowly. They were glazed over and lidded. Hawks cussed. "Okay, okay. I'll be right back. Try stay awake for me." Tokoyami's eyes shut.

Shit. Did Hawks need to go to the hospital? Maybe? He should ask Eraserhead? No, the last time he asked about bird related things, Eraser said 'Hawks you're supposed to be the bird expert here.' and hung up on him. So no homeroom teacher. Maybe Dark Shadow would come out and give him answers.

Speak of the devil, Dark Shadow came round the corner. He didnt say anything, but turned and went back the way he came. Confused, Hawks followed. Tokoyami had moved from the couch to the ground. Hard, judging by the fact that the tremors had gotten worse.

"Fuck! Okay, I'm back, come on, up you come." Hakws gently moved Tokoyami to the couch again and opened the first aid kit. Tokoyami sank boneless into the plush couch, and his eyes shut again. Hawks slowly moved to peel his interns hands away from his face.

They didnt budge at first. "Come on kiddo, this'll make it hurt less, promise." Hawks coaxed gently. Tokoyami shuddered as both hands were placed on his lap. Hawks stared at the mess. It was hard to see where the blood was coming from, but there seemed to be a nasty gash across somewhere.

Hawks decided to ease his kid into it by starting at his hands. "Do you know what happened?" Hawks asked gently, pulling out a cleaning kit and wiping the red off Tokoyami's hands. His intern tried once again to get the words out, but it came out garbled and wrong. Dark Shadow came out, resting on Tokoyami's shoulder. "He cant talk properly." The shadow explained quietly, and Hawks nodded, shoving his anger down.

"Can you tell me what happened then? I really need answers here." Hawks was only partially frustrated at the lack of answers he was getting. Dark Shadow grew considerably in size. "Some asshole who doesn't like people with animal type quirks jumped us." Tokoyami's hands started shaking violently as Hawks shot up, wings flaring out.

"Are you fucking kidding me—?!" Hawks yelled. The first aid fell to the ground with a clang, and Dark Shadow flared up more. Hawks took a breath, calming himself. He picked the kit back up and silently cleaned the rest of Tokoyami's blood off of his hands. Tokoyami's hands still shook on Hawks's grip, he realised.

They came to the beak. "How much does it hurt? On a scale of one to ten." Hawks tried to gauge the reaction of the teen, reaching out. Tokoyami shifted back, shrugging. Dark Shadow answered before Tokoyami had a chance to. "He wants to tell you it's not that bad, but it hurts a lot. A solid nine point five." Hawks bit his tongue to stop himself from yelling again.

Tokoyami looked betrayed, but nodded in confirmation. Hawks exhaled slowly. "Okay, we'll I'm gonna give you something for the pain, and then I'll treat you. That sound good?" Tokoyami looked uncertainly over at the meds. More specifically, the needle. It took Hawks a second to realise why.

"...You dont like needles?"

A teen shook his head. That's all Hawks needs. He sits quietly, thinking. How was Hawks supposed to do this? Tokoyami starts opening his beak, but immediately makes a noise of pain and closes it. Dark Shadow doesnt translate.

Tokoyami tried again, slower and much more muffled than usual. "You... dont have to worry... I can—" He cuts himself off with a wince of pain, hand flying up to his beak again. Hawks takes his hand away, gripping tight. "Its okay, dont push yourself."

Hawks looks around for a distraction. If he can manage to get Tokoyami's mind off of the needle situation, Hawks might be able to inject him without a problem. He's used those drugs on his sidekicks and himself before, and they work fast, and are completely safe, a bonus. Plus, considering how small his intern is, Tokoyami should be put straight out, the stuff is strong.

Hawks's eyes land on the T.V. and he grins. He turns it on and flicks through the channels. Someone catches his attention. "Hey, isnt that Eraserhead?" He stops on a talk show. There, in all his glory, is the class 1A homeroom teacher. "He doesn't look very happy." Hawks laughs. Tokoyami is staring, seemingly occupied.

Hawks let's him watch for a little longer, setting up the needle. Dark Shadow noticed, but said nothing and continued to watch. Eventually, Hawks finally deemed Tokoyami distracted enough and quickly injected the needle into his interns arm. Tokoyami visible jolted, but the drugs worked fast and Tokoyami fell quiet, and slumped against the couch after a minute.

Hawks sighed. "Sorry kid..." Hawks turned him over, and got to work quietly. Tokoyami's beak was fragile, so Hawks had to work gently. He wiped a considerable amount of blood away and saw it. He wasnt surprised that it hurt. There was a large gash sliced over the right side of his kids beak. It was a messy cut, so obviously Tokoyami had either been moving or the person had shaky hands. Or both.

Either way, Hawks wasnt letting them away with this. He was gonna hunt the fucker down himself if that's what it took. He cleaned it up and was going to bandage it when Tokoyami's hand shot out and gripped Hawks's arm tight. Tokoyami's eyes were barely open and it looked like he was completely out of it.

Hawks chucked. "Alright bud, go back to sleep—" Tokoyami cut him off. "Hawkszzzz. There'sss dis guy. Dis guy and he keepssssss..." he trailed off, mumbling nonsense. Hawks stopped. A guy? He must really be out of it. Tokoyami continued. "He keepsss followin' me! Amd I dont know why... hess freaky dough. I domf like it."

Well, now Hawks was concerned. Before he could ask any questions, Tokoyami had gone slack again, his breathing evened out. Hawks didnt think much of it, and just bandaged him up. Hawks sat back with a sigh, looking at his work. Tokoyami was oddly calm, Dark Shadow no where in sight.

Hawks turned off the T.V and got up. He'd have to call Eraserhead once he was finished up with his interview, and judging by the yelling he heard, it wasnt going very well. Hawks looked down at the sleeping teen. He couldn't leave him on the couch, but he didnt want to risk injuring him further by moving him and fucking dropping him, which, knowing Hawks's luck, was a very real possibility.

Hawks decided it would be safer to just grab a blanket and wrap his intern in it. At least he'd be comfy, right? Hawks grabbed the fluffy one he'd seen the kid eye after a rough patrol. Hawks manoeuvred the kid and wrapped him into a mini burrito. Hawks smiled and decided fuck it, the kid was up, might as well move him. He carefully walked down the hall towards the elevator.

He asked himself where he would put the kid. The simple answer was to put him in Hawks's room, but his office was all the way down at the bottom floor. Would Tokoyami be able to handle the elevator if the drugs are still in his system when he woke up? Hawks sighed and brought the paperwork with him, playing the safe game.

Hawks sets his kid in his bed, and does the rest of his work quietly, feathers keeping a close watch on his kid as he sleeps without a problem. Hawks finishes his work and sits back, eyes closing. He drifts off, his feathers still active.

The next morning, his feathers woke him. Tokoyami is moving. Hawks groans and stands up, stretching and walking to his room. Tokoyami is sitting up, hands touching his beak with obvious confusion.

Hawks laughs and pushes his intern back down on the bed. "Go back to sleep, baby bird. It's still early." Tokoyami nods and curls up, still feeling exhausted. Hawks sits himself on the edge of the bed, watching his intern as his chest rises and falls. Hawks gets bored after a while, leaving as his phone buzzes.

Erasurehead? This should be fun. Hawks leaves and puts it on speaker. The angered shout that greets him tells Hawks everything.

"Hawks! You are aware of what a curfew is, correct?" Aziawa yells. He's in class as they speak. The rest of the class is confused. Bakugo rolls his eyes and Mina pokes at Asui and whispers something.

Aziawa continues without a pause. "Because I know damn well that Tokoyami wouldn't break curfew, so where is he? I swear if you tell me he's in hospital again." At this Hawks winced as the class perks up on the other end of the line. "Again?" Midoryia turns to Todoroki, who shrugs.

Hawks laughs. "Well, you'll be glad to know we didnt have to bring him this time, but—" Aziawa cuts him off. "Then why isn't he in class?!" Hawks sighs. "Some guy jumped him on his way to the train station, okay? They hit him hard, too."

The class grows nervous as Aziawa stays silent. Whatever Hawks had said must have either shocked him or caught him off guard. "Are you serious? Why—?" Hawks answers with a shrug. "Dark Shadow said something about animal-based quirks."

"Really? Just because of his appearance—" the class falls quiet again. Kirishima shakes Denki's shoulder. "They cant attack someone like that, right? Just because of his face?" Kirishima whispers, and Denki shrugs. Shouji's fists clench. He's delt with more than enough of those types of people in his life. Iida was chopping angrily, and Bakugo looked pissed.

Aziawa is still ranting. He's gotten so angry he couldn't hold his phone, in fear of breaking it. So it went on speaker as he went on a tangent. Hawks finds a good place to cut in. His voice rings loudly in the class.

"Hey, I'm just as angry at you. But the kid is trying to sleep. Maybe keep it down?" Hawks chuckles darkly. "Not like he'll be able to voice his complaints, though."

Aziawa immediately regrets it, but he asks why. "The motherfucker slashed his beak. It'll probably scar, it was deep." Hawks peeked into the room. Tokoyami was still asleep, turned away from the door. Hawks closed the door softly and tuned back into the conversation. Aziawa was yelling. There were other voices yelling, as well.

Aziawa's voice rang clear. "Sorry, Hawks. Gonna have to cut this short. Bring him back around when he wakes up, Recovery Girl will help him. Bakugo! Dont you dare—! Fuck!" The line went dead.

Hawks laughed. Looks like the class knew. He turned to go down the hallway, but stopped when something pulled at his jacket. He turned to see Tokoyami standing, albeit wobbly. The blanket Hawks had wrapped around him hung on his shoulders, and Tokoyami's body disappeared under it.

Hawks smiled softly. "Hey there, baby bird. What's going on?" Hawks moved to support him as the teen almost went down. Slowly, they moved to the kitchen. With Dark Shadow's help, Tokoyami sat on the counter, still wrapped in the blanket. Dark Shadow faced Hawks. "He's wondering how to eat. We're hungry."

Hawks blinked. "I hadn't thought about that...." He trailed off. "We'll ask Recovery Girl when we see her. You wanna go now or do you wanna wait?" Tokoyami shrugged. Hawks shook his head. "Well, let's re-bandage your beak first, then we'll go, sound good?"

Tokoyami nodded and moved to stand. It took a minute, but they got there. Hawks took off the bandages. The wound looked as ugly as ever. "Hey, what did the guy look like?" Tokoyami thought about it. He turned towards the T.V and his face dropped. He pointed at the screen.

Hawks looked. Someone had been murdered late last night. Ouch, it looked brutal. There was something familiar about the wounds though...

"That looks like..." Hawks stared at the wound he was cleaning. "Oh. Holy shit." Hawks snapped his head up, looking for confirmation. Tokoyami nodded, a little too hard, and hissed in pain. Hawks steadied him. "Wait. If the wound is so similar, then..." He turned the volume up.

"The only suspects we have at the moment are the league of villains, and that's because of the dust left behind. Also scorch marks left on the victim's back..."

Hawks's phone lit up as a message came through. He checked it. It was from an unknown number, which meant it was from Dabi.

"You're welcome." Was all it said.

Hawks typed out his reply. He asked why the fuck he would do something like that. Dabi responded with: 'Dude was on our hit list anyways. He should learn to think twice before slicing a league member so close to Shigaraki.'

This left Hawks confused. Dark Shadow said that the guy didnt like people with animal-based quirks, so it would have to be their driver, but the last part....

Oh well. He's dead now. That's all that matters.

He took Tokoyami to Recovery Girl, and she did all she could. Within a week it had scarred, much to Tokoyami's annoyance. He could talk properly, which was okay. Before he got used to it though, he had a lisp. Hawks thought it was adorable. A lisp plus head tilts?? Hawks's intern was the cutest, no doubt.

Hawks grinned as Tokoyami waved goodbye two weeks later. "Make sure you get home this time, okay?" Tokoyami sighed and flipped Hawks off, being the last person to leave.

Hawks laughed. Hopefully this time there would be no unexpected attacks on his intern. Hawks walked to his office and stared at the pile of paperwork left unfinished.

"Son of a bitch—"

This ended on a funny note, though I wanted to make a point on quirk discrimination. With everything that's happening in America right now, its important to say

Black lives matter. They have mattered all along, and they will always matter.

But I do hope you enjoyed! If you wanna see anything else, just ask! I'm always open to suggestions :D

#boku no hero academia #tokoyami #bnha hawks #aizawa shouta #this is the first political thing ive ever posted wow #but yes if u dont agree go away❤

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shhh-no-ones-home · 4 years

Text

behind the barrier din djarin x reader

+++++++++

Im back! or at least for right now i am. this is the only story i have for a while because i started writing a new book during my break and have been focusing on that more than anything. i promise i will be back with something else before the month is over, i just dont know how soon that will be right now lol. until then though i hope you all like this one because i have thought of nothing but the Mandalorian since the season two finale absolutely wrecked my body and soul :)

themes of nightmares, war flashbacks, and surgical ptsd. its nothing too heavy, i dont think, but as always read at your own risk

Song: disguise by motionless in white

tag list: @cynic-spirit

+++++++++

I sat at the end of the bed, head in my hands and shaking it lightly to a beat that wasn't there. Din had been asleep for a good while now, curled up behind me. God I wanted this to be over, I wanted the nightmares to be over. I stood up, rubbing my hands over my face as I started pacing the otherwise empty room. It had a bed and a small table and a sink placed outside the privy. It was cozy, or at least it should've been. When I heard the bed creak I drew my blaster, pointing it to din as he sat up slowly.

"Y/n? What time is it?"

He asked groggily, his voice gruff coming through the modulator. I sighed, holstering the gun.

"Almost day light."

I said reluctantly, moving to the small window and pulling the wood slat back. We probably had about two hours till the suns came up.

"Have you slept?"

He asked, sounding more awake now as he started the walk around the bed to get to me. I shook my head no as I leaned against the window sill.

"We have a long day ahead of us, you might want to try."

He said and I scoffed, a laugh barely audible emerging from my chapped lips.

"I'll be alright."

I said, Finally looking to him. He was still in full armor, helmet too. He was still on the fence about removing it, despite having taken it off for the kid he spoke so fondly about. I grew up hearing about Mandalorians and it was never anything like what he told me, even in the few months id known him. And I still hadn't seen his face, or the foundling. He puzzled me sometimes.

"You're lying to me aren't you?"

He asked and I sighed.

"Just go back to sleep. I'll figure something out."

I said, being startled by him leaning into the window beside me, causing me to scoot over in the small space.

"I hear you screaming sometimes."

He said and I tensed up.

"And?"

I asked, seeing him turn to me out of the corner of my eye.

"You haven't told me everything have you?"

He asked and I shook my head.

"I'm not what you see on the outside that's for sure."

I said through a dark laugh.

"Do you trust me?"

He asked and I shrugged.

"Do you trust me?"

I asked back, a long silence following.

"Touche."

He finally said, standing and walking away. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply before standing and turning to him, now on the other side of the bed where he had started.

"Din-"

I said quickly and he stopped, his back still to me.

"Don't take it personally, I don't trust a lot of people. But I'm glad you took me in when I had nowhere else to go. It's just-"

I paused for a second, trying to collect my words and he turned to look at me over his shoulder.

"You don't know what it's like out there, to be stripped of your identity and put back together piece by piece."

He slowly turned his whole body to look at me.

"I close my eyes and I see them. I'm so tired of running but I know I cant really face myself either."

I said softly, looking to the ground.

"Maybe we're more alike than I thought."

He said nonchalantly before turning back around and opening the cabin door. I sighed as he disappeared down the hall, pinching the bridge of my nose in frustration.

"If you only knew."

°°°°°°°°°

"What happened?!"

He yelled as we ran through town, shots being fired.

"How should I know?"

I quipped back, ducking behind a metal beam, grabbing him and pulling him into me. We both panted, looking to each other as the red flashed around us.

"I can't keep this up."

I said through a harsh breath and he tilted his head.

"We don't have another choice right now."

He said, looking over my shoulder before grabbing my hand and pulling me along.

"Din I can't!"

I yelled over the crashing behind us, feeling my legs and eyelids getting heavier. I was exhausted. I hadn't slept in over 38 hours and we had been working all day. My body just couldn't keep up anymore.

"Keep going."

He said through what sounded like gritted teeth as he drug me around.

"Din."

I said softly, feeling my feet go out from under me, his hand slipping from mine as I hit the ground hard.

"Y/n!"

He yelled as my eyes closed. The last thing I felt was a gust of wind before everything went blank.

°°°°°°°°

More running. Except this time it was from a tall, dark, hooded figure. I couldn't quite make him out but he was chasing me. He was gaining on me, his hand outstretched as the sounds of gears grinding filled my brain. No. No. I wasn't being put under again. I couldn't take the pain anymore. No. Don't take me back. No. I can't do this again. Let go of me. Get off. Why won't you all listen? I don't want to go to war for you again. No. I just want to be normal again. Stop it. Let me go. No. No!

"LET GO!"

I yelled, jolting upright in bed, feeling my body drenched in sweat. It was then that I realized I had pushed din backwards away from me. He was stumbling back at the foot of the bed and we were somehow back at the inn. Everything was painted in the low glow of orange light and this was the first time I'd seen him without his helmet. But I knew it was him, he still had his other armor on. Then I realized. He looked scared. Was that because of me? I let out a staggered breath, one I didn't know I was holding, as I swung my legs over the side of the bed. I closed my eyes for a second before snapping them back open and placing my head in my hands.

"I'm sorry."

He said, peaking my interest. His voice was harsh, like he'd been screaming too. I wonder if his throat burned like mine did.

"For what?"

I asked, barely above a whisper, now noticing I wasn't in the same clothes I had been in before. I sat upright, looking to my exposed arms, the metal and wires of my upper arm and shoulder shining under the tank top straps. I was mad but only for a second.

"I'm not sure."

He said a little lost and I laughed.

"I guess we know each other's secrets now."

I said looking from my arm to him. He sent me a small knowing smile, matching my own.

"Does it hurt?"

He asked, noting the irritated skin where the metal was attached both at my chest and my forearm. After they configured my new shoulder and upper arm they had reattached it to the metal. I inspected it as he moved to sit beside me.

"Sometimes."

I said softly and I could see pity flash across his face.

"Is that what you dream about?"

He asked, me looking around for my jacket. I nodded as I found it and slipped it on.

"Sometimes."

I said again.

"Is that what you where dreaming about this time?"

I sighed, sending him a look.

"yeah. They were hunting me, holding me down and bolting me back together."

He nodded once, clearing his throat.

"I see why you wanted them to let go."

He said and I laughed.

"It's not all bad I guess, I'm more ashamed than anything and I only dream about it when it hurts. Or I guess it hurts when I dream about it, I've never really figured out which it is."

"How did it happen?"

He asked, turning to face me and running his hand over my arm, tracing his finger tips lightly over the leather of my jacket and pushing the wires flat.

"I got shot by a battle droid, point blank. It completely blew out half my shoulder, chest, and arm. I was a soldier at the time, drafted, not willingly; and because I was one of the poorer soldiers they decided I was a perfect test subject for their new med team. I couldn't afford proper help and my forearm was barely holding on by a few tendons so they experimented on me. Sometimes I can still feel the pain of their needles digging into my skin and tacking my muscles to the metal."

I said, looking down at my hand, opening and closing it a few times.

"It took months to figure out how to use my hand again, after more poking and prodding, reattaching the nerves to more wires."

I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut. There was a flash of white light and I could see the doctor clear as day, coming at me with a scalpel. I opened my eyes back up when I felt him hug me.

"I won't let them do that to you again."

He said softly and I froze, not sure what to do.

"Din-"

"I promise I'll keep you safe."

He whispered and my face fell. There was a long moment of silence like he needed this as much as I did but I finally hugged him back.

"Thank you for being a friend din."

I said and he nodded against me.

"I'll keep you safe."

He repeated and I could feel tears burning my eyes. No one had ever done anything like what he'd done for me in the few short months we'd been traveling together. Maybe this was it, this was what family felt like. I squeezed him tighter to me, digging my face into his neck and he let out a shaky breath.

"I'll always keep you safe."

#wattpad #x reader #293 #imagines #one shots #the mandalorian #din djarin #star wars

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peace-favor-your-sword · 5 years

Note

I would love a Kix and Jesse brotherly love and fluff. All the death is getting to Kix one day, and he's stressed. Another clone lets Jesse know that something’s wrong and then when Jesse gets there Kix is sitting at his desk. he has a migraine and feels really dizzy. Jesse helps him by trying to find some medicine but Kix ends up feeling nauseous, and Jesse moves him to the bathroom where he promptly throws up.

———

Hello!! In honor of the new episode that came out this Friday, I’m going to have Jesse rocking his new ARC trooper outfit. We are so proud of you Jesse!!! Also, sorry ahead of time for the bit of Fives and Hardcase angst. I still haven’t gotten over it if you couldn’t tell.

-----

Jesse made his way down the hall, his kama swinging solidly against his hips. He was proud that he was able to fill that place and role among his fellow troopers and be of help to them when it came time for missions, and it made him think of another ARC trooper he had become fast friends with.

Even after all this time, it was hard for Fives to be gone. He had been such a large part of the 501st, that it felt like there was part of them missing. But you did what you had to in war, with your brothers. You honored them the best you could and moved on to fight another day.

He continued to the med bay, to see one of his closest friends. It seemed since Five’s death, Jesse could rely more and more on Kix, and they had become closer and closer which he believed, gave them both a deep sense of relief. At least they had each other. As he approached the door, another brother exited. It was hard to miss this one, with the bright red stripe in his hair. His name was Codes, and he was one of the best when it came to tech issues on a mission.

“Hey vod, what’s going on?” He asked, and Codes sent him his signature bright smile.

“Oh, not much Jesse. Captain just wanted us to go in and get a check-up before this next mission. Last one left us all a little shaken I think.”

His company had suffered severe losses, and the rest had been wounded, so it was good to see him back up on his feet.

“You might want to check on Kix though while you’re in there. I think something’s wrong, but I’m not sure. He wont really tell me anything.” Codes’ eyebrows were drawn down in concern and Jesse put a hand on his shoulder with a smile.

“Hey, don’t worry about him. I’ll go make sure he’s ok. He’s a tough one. I think we both know that.”

Codes lifted a shoulder and snorted. “Yeah, I guess you’re right on that one. I hear they still use stories about him back on Kamino to make sure that our brothers listen to their medics.”

Kix was notorious for ignoring command in favor of protecting or saving his men. He would throw himself into a firefight just to drag out that one, because they were that important to him. It was their lives before his. He was their medic, and that was his job. And if anyone tried to fight him, they learned very quickly what it was like to argue with a medic. Without fail, the clone who had argued would completely back down and accept what Kix deemed necessity.

Jesse shoved his shoulder a little before the both of them got too far into thought. “You look hungry. Head to the mess and maybe I’ll see you at the training room tonight. I could use a few rounds on the weights myself. See you there?” He asked, and Codes nodded, while halfheartedly trying, to no avail to get back at Jesse.

“Alright. I’ll see you then.” He said agreeably and headed back down the hall with a lighter spring in his step. Jesse shook his head in a mix of amusement and awe. Some brothers were just like that. They maintained that excitement they had all felt as boys, as cadets, which many brothers lost as the war progressed. A particular brother came to mind, with a trigger happy attitude and a wicked sense of humor. He shoved that memory out of his mind for the time being. It was still too painful to spend too long dwelling on.

His boots made a solid click against the floor as he looked into the med bay, which was nearly empty from what he could see.

“Hey, Kix. You in here brother? I could use a fresh cup of caf. Want to come with?” He called, and when there was no answer he started looking into rooms. After looking in over a dozen curtained areas, and finding most of them empty, he wound up in one of the back rooms, and that’s when he found him.

Kix laid with both arms on the desk and his head laying on top. His shoulders were hunched in what Jesse could immediately recognize as pain. After spending your entire fighting career together, it was hard not to pick up on your brother’s tells.

“Hey, Kix. What’s up? You don’t look too good.” Jesse said quietly and Kix groaned and mumbled something.

Jesse came and crouched right next to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Sorry, vod. Didn’t catch that. You ok?”

Kix had his eyes shut tight and he made a noise Jesse could only describe as a non verbal “no”.

“My head.” He whispered, and Jesse’s eyebrows lowered slightly as he realized his brother was suffering from a migraine again.

The first time it had happened was after Umbara, after Kix had verified too many brother’s deaths and it had taken a steep toll on him. That migraine had kept him down for two entire days, but due to all the intense action and losing battles on Anaxes, it wasn’t a surprise that another had popped up.

“You have some medicine for that right?” Jesse asked, being sure to keep his voice level. “Tell me where it is and I’ll grab it. We’ll get you fixed up and you’ll be feeling better in no time.” He said, remembering to keep his voice slightly quieter than normal.

“Across the room, third cabinet in. Middle shelf. Purple hypo.” Kix said and Jesse walked over trying to keep his steps quiet as well. It was amazing when you were required to be silent how much of your actions made noise. He found the correct cabinet and looked through the middle shelf and he finally saw the hypo, when he heard the sound of Kix dry heaving, the breaths stuttering and shallow. Jesse grabbed the hypo in one hand and quickly crossed the room, grabbing Kix’s arms and throwing it over his shoulder with a practiced ease.

“Hey, let’s go.” He said quickly and started them towards a bathroom. “You aren’t throwing up all over your stuff, you’d never forgive yourself.” He joked, and they made it to the bathroom just in time for Kix to stumble to the toilet and empty what seemed to be his entire stomach into the bowl.

It was hardly the first time Jesse had seen a brother throw up so it didn’t even cross his mind to be bothered. He knelt by him and soothingly rubbed his neck and back of his head, the new hair growth greeting his fingers. “Hey, it’s ok. Deep breaths Kix. Deep breaths. You got it. Get a breath in.”

Kix sucked in a breath, and coughed, and seemed to shudder before breaking down into tears. He hiccuped a few times before leaning over the bowl again, and again a third time, yet this time next to nothing came out, so Jesse figured he was done. He, as gently as he could, injected the hypo into Kix’s neck and threw it in the trash. He got up and got a wet towel before coming over and wiping the back of Kix’s neck and his mouth, before throwing that away as well. He went to the lights and turned them down halfway before siting with his back against the toilet bowl.

“Kix. What’s going on?” He asked, and Kix hung his head, and tears flowed in a steady stream.

“I…I dont know if I can do this for much longer, Jesse. I keep losing them. I keep losing brothers, and I want to save them, but I can’t.” He said, his voice small.

It was common for medics, Jesse knew, to share that same feeling. They did their best but there was never a way to save all the troopers that went down in a fight, but the squads never blamed them. How could they when your medic rushed into the heat of battle ahead of you to pull unarmed, injured brothers out?

“I know brother. I know. But you do the best you can.” He said quietly and Kix lifted his head, his cheeks flushed as he cried, and his eyes filled with tears.

“We’re losing almost every battle we have, Jesse. I mean, look at the captain. That man’s sleeping on his feet, he’s exhausted. Every time we fight, I feel like we lose more men that we come back with and..” He shuddered and pushed back from the toilet a little. “I just don’t know what to do anymore.”

Jesse scooted forward so he could look Kix directly in the eye, and he stared him down.

“Kix. You do your best. You know you do. You always told me, save who you can, and be there for the living. None of us every blame you, or any medic for the brothers we lose. I know you’re doing your best. And I know it’s going to turn around soon. It always does. Always. So let’s get you up, get you to your bunk and you can tackle tomorrow when you feel better. Deal?” He asked, and Kix stared back at him, two pairs of identical eyes searching each other, one for any hint of hope and the other steely determination.

Kix knew his brother would never lie to him. He knew he could count on Jesse, and that he could trust him with his life, which he did every day. He nodded slowly, feeling the sharp sting of the headache recede to a dull tightness.

“Yeah. Ok. I guess I can do that.” He said quietly and Jesse hauled him up again with a smile. As they took him to his bunk, he gave a small smile of relief.

That was the nice thing about brothers. Every time you fell down, you knew without a shadow of a doubt there was going to be someone to pick you back up again.

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auswriteforyou · 5 years

Text

To Be The One. (Deacon, SWAT)

Requested.

Summary: the one where no one can admit their feelings and you apparently dont know how to use a butter knife.

TW: i cuss a lot, mentions of blood, knives, also finger wounds.

“Fucking shit,” The skin of your finger flayed open, the knife slipping from your hand with a curse as you clutched your hand haphazardly to your chest. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” You chanted, shoving the cut under the sink in the SWAT break room, rinsing the blood from the fragile flesh just to see the damage.

“You okay?” Deacon’s voice startled you, a low timber over the hum of the refrigerator and the sound of your cursing. “Woah, what did you do?” He dropped his bottle of water back in the fridge, leaving the door swinging open in his haste to reach you.

Strong fingers didn’t flinch at the blood as he reached into the steady stream to cradle your hands with his. You tensed against the contact, leaning slightly away from him as he invaded your space but welcomed it nonetheless. He was muttering to himself, something about how you could handle a sniper rifle but not a butter knife and you resented the statement but couldn’t disagree with him.

You had joined the team a little over a year ago, only a few months after Deacon’s sudden divorce from the wife everyone thought would be his happily ever after. You hated him.

Perhaps it was his stuck-up manner, his prudish demeanor so opposite to yours that it made your hairs stand on end. You constantly felt his eyes on you, evaluating you with an icy cold gaze that made it impossible to feel comfortable in your own skin. It was four months in that you realized he wasn’t watching you because he thought you couldn’t do your job but rather because he was intrigued by your natural talent, how you’d fallen in with the team so easily.

You guess that was the night you fell in love with him. Your father had always said there was a thin line between love and hate.

It’d been a hard day, probably the hardest you’d had since joining the team and your nerves were shot to shit. When he walked up behind you in the locker room, you weren’t exactly proud of the way you yelped, falling off the bench and cracking your lower back against said seat hard enough to leave a bruise for the next six days.

“Sorry!” He was quick to apologize, wrapping his deft hands under your biceps to lift you into a standing position and you yelped again. It wasn’t everyday a grown ass man lifted you into the air, at least not since you were fourteen. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“It’s alright,” You acquiesced, finally turning to face him and you’d recognize that look on his face anywhere. “I’m okay.”

“I didn’t even ask you anything yet.” His lips tilted in a half amused smirk.

“I know pity when I see it.” You huffed, throwing your duffle onto the bench and continued to throw the days items in it. This time he let out a laugh, settling heavy beside your bag and looked up at you with cerulean eyes.

“Concern, never pity.” And when he patted the seat next to him, you took it. “It was a tough case today.”

“Yeah.”

“And you’re okay?” He didn’t respond when you nodded. Actually he stayed fully silent, not even a sigh leaving his lips, until you looked up and made eye contact with him. He just stared at you, long enough to let your thoughts take over and tears well in your eyes.

He moved without hesitation, one hand hooking behind your neck as the other ghosted the curve of your back and pulled you ever closer to him. Your resolve broke the moment your head hit his collarbone. He didn’t shush you, still didn’t speak as he rubbed soothing circles into your spine as you let out the days frustrations. Frustrations for the ones you couldn’t save, for the problems you couldn’t fix.

It wasn’t until you had stopped crying, unbeknownst to how much time had passed in his comfort, that he spoke.

“You okay?” And when you told him no, he stayed there and spoke to you until you were.

And that was it, that was the night you knew there was no one else in the world who would ever understand you like him.

He must have felt the same, both of you being attached at the hip so much that a bet had begun between the other team members on how long it would take for you both to get your heads out of your asses. Completely without your knowledge, of course.

“I’m okay,” you assured your best friend, utterly confused on why he was freaking out like that.

“Yeah, I’ve heard that bullshit before.” He teased, using his own fingers to rinse the cut out despite your continued protest that you were fine and whatever the fuck he was doing hurt a shit ton more than the cut.

“I have to irrigate the wound, you know that.”

“Shut up, it hurts.”

“Yeah, you might’ve mentioned that.”

So you let him be a macho man. It was not like you personally wanted to clean out the gaping wound, not when you could lean forward and rest your forehead against his shoulder while he worked away and rest your tired eyes a little. You’d both stayed up late last night, him crashing on your couch once again and definitely didn’t get enough sleep for a shift this lackluster.

“I think you need stitches.” You must have dozed off, his words jolting you. His smirk was evidence that he knew not only that you were sleeping but that you hadn’t heard him. “You need stitches.

“Okay - wait, what?” You demanded, drawing the cut finger into your view and gagging a little at the flayed wound. You groaned throatily, throwing your head against his broad chest as you complained. “I hate stitches.”

His fingers threaded through your hair, tangling and untangling with ease. He’d had enough practice the last few months. You knew you should stop him, that you were nothing more than friends and this would only make it harder when he finally did find someone. It would ruin every other man for you, that no one would ever understand you or care for you or be as kind to you as this man right here. But you couldn’t, not when you could pretend for just a few moments that this was real.

“I know you do, but I’ll be right there with you the whole time, okay?” Your head snapped up, face inches from his but you didn’t pull away, both of you used to being this in each others space.

“You don’t have to take me.” You chuffed, fingers still cradled between your chests as he cocked his eyebrow nearly up into his hairline.

“Well you’re not going to drive yourself, especially after they give you pain meds.”

“No, but I can get an Uber.” His face turned stern, something deep within those baby blues that made you sit up a little more straight, pull back just an inch.

“You absolutely are not getting an Uber while you’re incapacitated.” You opened your mouth to argue but paused mid sentence. That was your greatest fear, being unable to defend yourself in a common situation despite knowing exactly how to. “Exactly, let me take you.”

“No, it’s okay, really. I can ask Hondo.” If one could win awards for amount of expressions in under a minute, he’d take first prize as irritation clouded his handsome features.

“Why won’t you just let me take care of you?” He sucked in a harsh breath the moment the words left his lips, eyes widening like saucers as you furrowed your eyebrows.

“It’s just a cut finger, relax.” Take care of you? You hadn’t so much as had a cold in the last year, you hadn’t needed any care.

He stared at you for a long moment, long enough for you to get uncomfortable and slowly pull your fingers from his grasp. He was making you uneasy now, a feeling you hadn’t had towards him since you’d joined the team. The feeling only grew when he grabbed your face with both hands, your mouth falling open to protest but he didn’t let you get that far.

“I want to take care of you.”

“If it’s that big of a deal to you then you can take me.” You were more than a little offended when he rolled his eyes at you.

“No, you’re not listening to me. I want to take care of you.” Had he hit his head?

“Deac, I’m gonna need a few more adjectives, maybe some nouns. A verb or two might be nice.” Your words fell like lead in the room, no reaction from the man in front of you and it took all you're might not to worm out of his grip. He had something to say, clearly, you just needed to let him find the words.

“I want to be the one to take care of you. I want to be the one to hold you when you cry, the one you call when something good happens, when something bad happens. I want to be the one that you come home to, the one who makes you smile and the one who makes you laugh. I want to be the one you make memories with, the one who talks you out of those stupid ideas you have running through your head. I want to be the one to go to the hospital at 2 pm on a Tuesday with you because you’re so adorably clumsy that it kills me. I want to be the one to kiss you goodnight, the one who wakes up to your messy bedhead and debates laying in bed all day just to keep you in my arms. I want to be the one to take care of you, everyday and always.”

Heartbeats pounded in your ears, you couldn’t even tell if they were yours at the weight of his words. He wanted you? Deacon, the man you’d been in love with for months who you had finally accepted would never love you back, wanted you?

You were unable to speak as your eyes followed his as he traced your features with his gaze. His eyes lingered on your lips before flickering back up to your eyes, holding your gaze in a heart stopping moment. He smiled, small and shy as he admitted what he’d been working up the courage to say since he met you.

“I want to be the one you love.” Your smile could’ve lit the stars in the sky, his own breaking through his nervous mask as you laughed into the quiet room.

“Oh Deac,” You whispered, going onto your toes to press your nose to his. “Don’t you know? You’ve always been the one.”

—

i still dont know how to finish stories without cliffhangers and who knows if you ever get your finger stitched but we’re at 1800 words and i need to relax lol but yay! i finally watched swat and i need everyone to know that i would marry shemar moore right now, that is all

#SWAT #SWAT imagines #deacon #deacon imagines #deacon kay #deacon kay imagines #imagine #imagines #hondo #hondo imagines #idk what to tag this #lol #me #writing

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zmayadw · 4 years

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Hello :)

It’s time for the next part :)

Thanks again to all who read it so far!

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 3

I woke up with the sun already out, making my eyes adjust to the light again. I checked the clock above doors. 9.45. Huh, nice, I tought, the nurse didnt lie when she said the pain meds would make me sleep better. I felt more rested today, but still pretty sore. I managed to get up and go to bathroom. I looked myself in the mirror -I looked like hell. I hoped Jessy would come today with my stuff, I needed some fixing up urgently. As I was leaving the bathroom, my phone beeped with new message. My heart jumped with excitement,only to see it was Jessy. „Hey hey, sleeping beauty, im sorry, you will have to manage without my awesomness today, but dont worry, i'm sending the next best person to keep you company! ;D Call you later ,kisses!“ I smiled as I layed back to bed. That sweet nurse from before entered my room smiling. „Good morning, hun, hope you slept well“. „I sure did, thanks.“ I replied, while she settled the food tray with breakfast on the stand. She helped me make myself comfortable in bed, and putted the tray in front of me, when a voice came from the door. „Doris! My favorite nurs!“ It was Dan, and Doris chuckled as Dan came over to the bed. „Oh my, hun, if I knew who your friend was, I would have brought you something stronger then this tea“ I laughed, while Dan made a gesture with his hands, stabing at his heart. „Awww, c'mon Doris, dont be so cruel, you know you like me!“ Doris just waved her head as she went for the door. „If this schmuck starts to bother you too much, you just yell hun.“ I smiled at her „Thanks Doris, I might just do that.“ Dan looked at me. „Is that a 'thank you' I get for coming here?“ he siad, being dramatic as Dans always is. I grinned „Ofcourse not! But its entertaining to see you all squirmy.“ „Tsk,tsk, sure, pick on poor Dan.“ He grabed a chair and sat next to the bed. „You look like shit, Maya.“ „Gee, thanks Dan, thats really what I wanted to hear.“ I said, even tho I knew he was right, I did look awful. „Hey, dont get mad at me, I just say it as it is! Luckily, Dan is here to the rescue..again.“ he said handing me my backpack. „ Jessy went through your stuff, and filled your pack with what she tought you might need the most. She said to text her later if theres anything else you need so she can bring it.“ „Thanks Dan.“ I said taking the backpack from him. „And I mean thanks, not just for this.“ Dan looked at me, and I could read a bit of worry on his face. He quickly tried to hide it „Hey, no need to thank me, I told you once before, if theres a damsel in distress, im here to help.“ „Damsel“ I snorted. „Doubt that a damsel would act so stupid as I did.“ I felt that awfull feeling of guilt taking over me again. „Look Maya, i'm really not the one to judge you here. Yes, what you did was Incredibly stupid, and lets be honest, you almost got yourself killed. When Lily called me and told me everything, I was so pissed at both of you, well you mostly, but also kinda excited that someone actualy took the matter into its own hands.“ I looked at him with awe, I didnt quite expect it. He continued „And frankly, I kinda expected something like this from you sooner or later, well at least the part of you coming to Duskwood. As I was running to my car, calling Thomas and filing him in on everything,I got really angry at you for not turning to me for help. You know I would help you no matter what, I told you that hundred of times before.“ „Yes Dan, I know you would.“ I said, even more of that guilt creeping in. „But you didnt! Then I tought, maybe afterall you didnt trust me enough as you said.“ „I did trust you, I do trust you Dan, you have to know that.“ Now even tears started forming in my eyes. „I know, Maya, its just how I felt at the time. And when I got to the mine, Thomas was already there, with this cop who was close by and responded to the call since I told Lily to inform that inspector guy. He said we should wait for backup, but stuborn as I am, I just rushed in, Thomas yelling after me, but I just kept running. Good thing they went after me, because God only knows what would happen if they didnt.“ I couldnt keep the tears anymore, and I just burst out crying. Dan got up from his chair, sat next to me on the bed, hugging me. „ As I said im not here to judge you, or make you fell more guilty. Heck, I might have done the same thing, or something worse. Things wer starting to get us really nowhere, and something happening was kinda of a kickoff for me. And im not mad at you any more Maya, just to get that out in the opet.“ „Thanks Dan, I really appriciate it.“ I barely managed through my tears. „Yeah,yeah, im awesom, I know.“ He grined at me, as i looked him with eyes full of tears. He huged me a bit tighter, and I rested my head on his shoulder. „You got me really freaking scared there in that mine, Maya. When I saw you like that..“ he paused. „I cant say how much im sorry about all, Dan. I did more harm then good, and I betrayed all of you guys again.“ „Well, at the end, you did find Hannah, so im sure Thomas wont have that much of a grudge.“ He grined at me, handing me a tissue, wich made me relax a bit. „Yes I did. And how are our little love birds doing?“ i asked wiping the tears, as Dan moved back to the chair. „Oh, theyr fine. Thomas is not letting Hannah alone for one milisecond, wich is a bit too wooshy mooshy if you ask me.“ He mad a face of gaging. „Oh, c'mon mister tough guy, that picture Jessy sent me of you two from last night was quite mooswhy wooshy in my eyes.“ I said teasingly. „If you ever say that to anyone about me, and I mean ANYONE, i swear Maya...“ I didnt let him finish, I just grined „Dont worry, your mooshy wooshy secret is safe with me.“ „Good, good. So when are they letting you go from this shit hole?“ „Oh, come on, its not that terrible here: food is not bad, room is nice and quiet, and I have a killer wiev, what's the hurry?“ „I promised you some whiskey.“ he grined „And Jessy wont let me drink, but when you get out she wont be abel to say no.“ „ You really ARE scared of Jessy.“ I said laughing. „She might be small, but the woman is a dynamite when serious!“ I laughed so hard, the tea I just sipped when out through my nose. „Thanks Dan, I needed this.“ „Dan to the rescue.“ He smiled and winked. „Sooo...“ he starte, and I got a feeling I knew what he gonna ask me. „Did the 'hackerboy' contaced you by now?“ „His name is Jake, could you please not call him that anymore.“ I said a bit too stern maybe. „All right, all right, no need to get all serious on me now. Did 'Jake' contacted you?“ I hesitated for a brief moment before answering „No, nothing yet. And to be honest, might be better like that. I myself am not too eager for that talk .“ „Heh, I can understand that. If I was that much pissed at you back then, I dont want to imagine how much 'hac..' , sorry, Jake is pissed at you right now.“ „Well, I guess I will find out soon enough..if he still wants to talk to me at all.“ Dan putted on his serious face, but with a little grin on it „Hey, if he talks bad to you, let me know, i'll show him off!“ „Ohh, im sure you would enjoy that..maybe even to much.“ I said, him grinning even more. „But thanks, Dan, again, for everything.“ „Yeah,yeah, dont you get all wooshy mooshy on me now also.“ he said, getting up. „Well, I gotta go. You get better soon, and call if you need anything.“ „Thanks, Dan, sure will.“ I replied, and waved him goodby. Doris came shortly after Dan left, and got me off the IV, suggesting I take a shower. I grabbed the pack Jessy sent me, and went through it. I took out some underweare, clean shirt and sweatpants, grabbed the shampoons, tooth brush and paste and headed for the bathroom. The shower did feel nice, but it took me ages to finish it, since I was still quite sore. A big bruise at my ribs was still making me short breathed at the times, and all the other cuts and bruises didnt help with easing the pain either. I had a cut on the back of my head, wich was the reason my head still throbed a lot. I brushed my teeth, looked myself in the mirror, and already could notice some color coming back to my cheeks. I got back to bed and took my phone, might aswell check those messages and emails, its not like I'm have anything smarter to do. Most emails wer not important, I answered a few I needed, and switched to messages. Most of missed calls and messages wer from the night of the incident, so not much replaying needed here. Cleo sent a message saying shes happy im ok, and she will come to visit soon. Thomas also sent a message, thanking me for everything, emphasising tho that I was reckles and how all could have ended differently, but still no grudges from his side. He was just too happy Hannah was back with him. Ofcourse, they all wished me to get well soon, and they cant wait for when I get out so we can all meet properly.I replied to both, thanking them for good wishess. Staring at my chats screen, I opened my conversation with Jake. He was offline, ofcourse. I stared at the blinking pointer on the text space, but I didnt know what to write. My head was blank, I couldnt think of anything. After few minutes I exited the chat, settling the phone aside, and turning the tv on. Maybe some movie or something will get me relaxed a bit. I switched through channels, till I found something acceptable to watch. I ajusted myself on the pillow, and before I knew, dozed off.

#duskwood #duskwood dan #fanfic

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nowhereiswhereibelong · 4 years

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73 Questions

I mas tagged by: @mrs-machinegun-norris about two centuries ago sorry

On a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now?

• 5

Describe yourself in a hashtag?

• #sadbicht

• Cause I'm a bad bicht you can't kill me, only I do that

If you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be?

• Aaron Taylor-Johnson

• Colson Backer

If your life was a musical, what would the marquee say?

• The crazy bisexual is on the loose

What’s one thing people don’t know about you?

• That I cant handle silence

What’s your wake up ritual?

• All my cats and family yells at me till I roll of take my meds and stare at the wall till I'm late

What’s your go to bed ritual?

• Make sure I cleaned the litter box and that my cats have food and water then is up to bed and reading anything and everything till I fall a sleep

What’s your favourite time of day?

• Night time (I get the zoomies), or when I'm home alone

Your go to for having a good laugh?

• I really like comedy and some that make me laugh even when I watched 1000 times: John Mulaney, Daniel Sloss, Russel Howard and Sarah Millican

Dream country to visit?

• As many as I can! I have an extensive list

What’s the biggest surprise you’ve had?

• Last semester 3 professors at university were really supportive and understanding and I didnt expect them to be so kind or belive in me that much.

Heels or flats/sneakers?

• Sneakers everywhere all the time for any given reason

Vintage or new?

• Vintage bits and pisses of different eras but late 80s early 90s give me live

• And I'm obsessed with 70s buildings dont know why

Who do you want to write your obituary?

• An creative stranger - go nuts dude freak people out

Style icon?

• dont have one I guess

What are three things you can’t live without?

• My cats

• My phone

• My guitar

What’s one ingredient you put in everything?

• I'm crazy about mustard

• My dad always says anything salivary can be better with cheese and anything sweet be better with chocolate - not that far from the truth

What 3 people living or dead would you like to make dinner for?

• Elvis Presley

• Jane Fonda

• Janis Joplin

What’s your biggest fear in life?

• Failure

• The dark

Window or aisle seat?

• Window: you can look at the view, it's better for sleeping and during the day sunlight for reading

What’s your current TV obsession?

• A have many, it's a problem, but right now mind hunter

Favourite app?

• Instagram and tumblr

Secret talent?

• I like to lie to myself and say acting but maybe just weirdly good at pretending to be good at things (ain't that the joke huh)

Most adventurous thing you’ve done in your life?

• I would say it was dumb, stupid and streamly dangerous but when I was 16 a friend and I went to some guys house in a very weird neighborhood and lied to our parents about it and only 1 other friend new (also our taxi couldn't find the house). We meet those two guys at a friends party and they said that they were throwing one and that we should go, and our dumb selfdestruting alcohol hunting minds though, why not. It was not a party. It was just a hang out with us and one other guy and to this day I dont know how we left at 7am (the only way to get out of there was the first bus because uber wasn't a thing yet and me and my friend were to scared of what kind taxi driver we would find) unharmed and not sexually harassed, given that one of the dudes that our friends new more hated me for a few months for not putting out for him, cause you know, men.

• I'm absolutely sure they wanted a sex party that didnt happen. But I did show my unasked skills of knowing every single black veil brides lyrics.

How would you define yourself in three words?

• Anxious

• Laud

• Loyal

Favourite piece of clothing you own?

• The stolen 80s tshirts from my dad

• High waisted shorts

Must have clothing item everyone should have?

• A comfortable pair of jean shorts that you feel pretty in

Superpower you would want?

• To stop time

• I get to anxious trying to time manage and it just snowballs from there. And sleeping in without being always late.

What’s inspiring you in life right now?

• Machine Gun Kelly (I stared listening to his stuff a few months ago)

• But always and forever is the passion that moves people

Best piece of advice you’ve received?

• Be/do to other people what you wanted to be done for you

Best advice you’d give your teenage self?

• It's not just on your head it's a real thing, you're lot alone, and it ok to need help.

A book that everyone should read?

• Harry Potter: that even thou I have read multiple times it still is amazing and full of symbolism that people brush through some times.

• Women who run with the wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés

• My older sister made me start this book and its absolutely live changing and I belive should be obligatory to all women in this world. This book is a live long work by this psychologist and through miths, legends, folk tales and stories she puts together what she calls the wild women archetype and what is the feminine instinct is and how those tales teach us about it and how to have a healthy relationship with her.

What would you like to be remembered for?

• For being kind

How do you define beauty?

• It's an powerfull force within

What do you ~love most~ only love about your body?

• The shape of my eyes

Best way to take a rest/decompress?

• Listening to music and dancing around

Favourite place to view art?

• I dont understand sorry

If your life were a song, what would the title be?

• Static supernova

If you could master one instrument, what would it be?

• Guitar and piano cant choose only one

If you had a tattoo, where would it be?

• My planned ones:

• Orca

• Felix felicis

• Tree

• Mother earth

• Penicillin allergy (I dont trust nobody)

Dolphins or koalas?

• Dolphins

• Did you y'all know that orcas not only aren't whales but belong on the same family as dolphins?

What’s your spirit animal?

• Orca

Best gift you’ve ever received?

• My cats (even thou there are rescues they're my little special gifts from nature)

Best gift you’ve ever given?

• On my best friend wedding my friend and I gave a performance as siluetes (it was private beach and all the light were off and we had the car headlights behind us) I played the song you are in love by taylor swift while she did an beautiful performance on silks the song represented their relationship and how she shared it if us in a very sacred way and the silks was a representation of her herself and how the 3 of us saw in the last few years her transformation from a very broken person to the women she was born to be.

• Yes we were crying the hole time but was the most genuine and beautiful think I ever done so yeah

What’s your favourite board game?

• Dix it, its awesome go play it pls

What’s your favourite colour?

• Petrol blue

Least favourite colour?

• The color of lentil soup my mom makes it looks like a baby have serious digestive problems

Diamonds or pearls?

• Diamonds of the symbolic value of "the pressure that could've break us made us into diamonds insted"

Drugstore makeup or designer?

• Drugstore makeup, the one I know that are real brands hauahauahs

Blow-dry or air-dry?

• Air-dry

Pilates or yoga?

• Pilates even thou I must prefer sports mostly

Coffee or tea?

• My blood is coffee at this point

What’s the weirdest word in the English language?

• Wolrd, because English is not my first language and specially in an American accent the pronunciation of wolrd if simply the worst and is absolutely obnoxious and unsettling.

Dark chocolate or milk chocolate?

• Dark

• But my absolut favored is a 70% cacao white chocolate. It's incredible but I only got to buy it twice :(

Stairs or elevator?

• Stairs, I also love to sit on them

Summer or winter?

• Winter. I only like heat if I'm inside very cold water

You are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat?

• If nutrition value doesn't matter, ice cream

A desert you don’t like?

• Orange cake. Bad memories and I vomit every time I try to eat it.

A skill you’re working on mastering?

• Singing and playing the guitar

Best thing to happen to you today?

• I think I made a online friend :D

Best compliment you’ve ever received?

• That I'm kind

Favourite smell?

• Buttering sugar

Hugs or kisses?

• Hugs i Iike to be permanently attached to some people at times

If you made a documentary, what would it be about?

• Domestic violence

• Parenting

Last piece of content you consumed that made you cry?

• Today I was trying to play this song called Ronan and cryed my eyes out like all the other times I tried before It's a song of child cancer in the mother's perspective

Lipstick or lip gloss?

• Lipstick

• I'm a red matte lip stan

Sweet or savoury?

• Sweet

Girl crush?

• Billie Elish

How you know you’re in love?

• The only time I think I've been in love I only realised it because they left and I didnt understand why i was severely hurt by it and changed the way I created all relationships after that. And then it hit me

• So pain and heartache.... yeah that's depressing as shit

Song you can listen to on repeat?

• When the sun goes down - Arctic Monkeys

If you could switch lives with someone for a day who would it be?

• My own self but not a anxious depressed mess just to feel what it's like

What are you most excited about at this time in your life?

• That I dont need to make decisions

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tyrantofthefirmament · 5 years

Text

Shocking Revelations

It’s been many weeks since Starscream has made contact with Shockwave and... stolen a protoform from the Well of AllSparks. During that time he has been putting off broaching the subject with Knockout, and the more time has passed, the more impossible that conversation seems. Now he has to explain not only why he is working with Shockwave, but also why he failed to mention it. He has no intention of explaining either, at least not yet, but under stress and with a lack of sleep, things don’t always go as intended...

@ask-dr-knockout is in block quotes

Clack clack clack clack clack CLANG clack

SLAM!

Starscream did not take it well when his pacing took him over the loose piece of plating in front of the medbay and he startled himself out of his racing thoughts. Hence the dent in the wall. He now stood, venting, with his wings half lowered and rigidly held.

Every moment since he left Shockwave’s lab had made him more tense. He’d tried burying himself in work, but his thoughts kept returning to the tiny Seeker in the tank, with no one to keep Shockwave from indulging his curiosity on it. He’d decided to take a break, but flying only made him think of the Seekers Shockwave wanted to clone, and his break had turned to restless pacing, which led him here.

Growling in frustration, he turned to drag himself back toward his console. Construction teams didn’t check in with themselves, and he still had to arrange tomorrow’s supply movements from Tarn. Pit, he’d spent all night getting nothing done.

Not long after Starscreams violently loud expression of frustration came the abrupt sounds of a rushed transformation soon followed by a clang and thud before a muffled swear from the oposite side of the wall over powered the once quiet hum of the medical bay.

clunk Clunk CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK!

VrrrWOOSH!

Footsteps aproached before the med bay doors cycled ubruptly wide open to reveal a pair of frowning dully lit halos.

Knockout looked around huffing as he rubbed at a fresh dent on his helm. His face wearing a recharge ridden scowel of discontent.

“Alright who is the wiseguy banging on my wall after hou-…!” Knockout cut of his speech that had most likely been meant for a underling or vehicon as his optics set sight on the cuprit to his painful awakening. His chest and shoulders instantly puffing up in suprise before his optics rew a bright angry red. Of all the childish… HE was supposed to know BETTER!

“STARSCREAM!! don’t you have any couth!” He glared stomping toward the other and pointing a finger into the silver mechs chest.

“Just because you repel recharge doesn’t mean the rest of us can! Just LOOK what you made me do! I thought for a moment the base was collapsing… again…” Knockout yelled in a harsh not so whisper gesturing to his slightly dented helm. “You made me transform out of recharge and hit my helm!” His voice mixed with a harsh static induced from his abruptly disrupted recharge and/or sleep deprived state.

“It’s not like this would have been the first semblance of a full recharge I was able to coax myself into after the horrors of what Soundwave and you absurdly acomplished!! You know… The same mech that resides just down the hall from me!” Knockout pointed out exasperated.

“That’s not even including the fact I have been working for the past week on analysis of Perceptor’s research! Intensive analysis!! The least you could do is keep it down but what do i wake to find… that you have oh so subtly put a dent in my wall!” He huffed grumpily… it was only after his own rant he noticed the angle of Starscream’s wings the clenched fist the tightly lifted shoulders… he backed up a bit…. away from Starscream and calmed his grumpy tone but only slightly. “What the scrap has gotten into you!” Knockout crossed his arms Glaring.

Starscream flinched when he heard Knockout coming, before whirling toward him with angrily flared wings. Oblivious to the irony, he motioned to the medic to keep his voice down, before he blinked, distracted.

“You recharge in alt mode?” The quiet question seemed to go unnoticed as Knockout continued his rant. Starscream didn’t appreciate this on top of everything else he was dealing with - couldn’t a mech stomp around his own base in the middle of the night without getting a full dressing down? He curled his talons into fists and stepped closer to Knockout, who finally shut up and backed off.

“Take a guess what’s gotten into me, Knockout! I’m trying to juggle a lot of different things right now, and as soon as I decided to take a break, your stupid floor panel practically tripped me! You thought the base was falling down? Really? Well the floor is certainly broken, so let’s add that to my to-do list!”

He thrashed his wings with finality and glared at Knockout. “Go back to bed so I can get some work done.”

“If I had to take a guess it be a sour mix of fuel and a long jaged staff up your-” He was interrupted by another harsh retort on Starscreams part.

Knockout steeled himself despite his instinct to shy away from the others claws when he was in this mood. But Given the past few months wether it was wise to do so or not he felt more confidant in expressing his distaste or opinions to the other.

“Oh and you think I am not! Do you know how many vehicons and crew repairs I have done in the past cycles all while balancing HQ repairs, ship repairs, this world changing research, AND scouting!” Knockout optics widened and he sputtered in offense as he placed a dramatic hand onto his chest before holding them out in exasperated explanation speaking in harsh angry whispers. “Look at my finish! I have bearly had time to buff myself Starscream!” He looked sad for a moment before his optics turned hard again.

“I dont know whats gotten into you tonight but YOU of all mechs should understand the concept of proper crew moral! It’s one thing putting up with your temper tantrums during the day fine! But a piece of loose paneling! this is unaceptable when your crew and only CMO is trying to get rest to work more efficiently for YOU!!” Static again filtered through his whisper as he forced the words.

Knockout huffed and sighed. “I do not appreciate being woken up for such a small pathetic reason!” He put his hands on his hips glaring at Starscream unrelenting.

Starscream thought his wings were up all the way, but he was mistaken. He flared them so wide they banged against his pauldrons, making himself look huge. “Oh, so I have one bad night and suddenly I’m bad for crew morale? What about my other bad nights? Is it fine as long as I stay in my quarters where no one can hear me? I was trying to get things done! Sorry you all have to put up with me!” His voice qualified only technically as a whisper - a harsh, rasping hiss that verged on the squeak he hated to admit he had when he was emotional. It wasn’t particularly quiet.

“The stupid loose paneling was just the last thing in a slew of scrap!” He raised his talons, not to scratch, but to enumerate all the things he was dealing with. No one pity partied as hard as him. He counted off each woe on his claws. “I’ve had to redo the construction schedule three times because of the rains. The old smelting factory in Tarn just caved in so that sets us back on supplies. I’ve got to step up repairs on the other ones. Soundwave is a ticking time bomb, as you’re oh so fond of reminding me. I’ve barely had time to think about finding Megatron and I don’t know if I can count on Soundwave when I do! I’m not having much trouble automating our radar based defenses without him, but it’s one more thing I have do myself, and it takes time we don’t have. Suddenly Shockwave’s dragged me into his schemes, and I’d rather train Phoenix but I’ve barely seen her. I can’t sleep, so I try to work, but yes, Knockout, it’s so pathetic to have a slightoverreaction to the slagging base being so dilapidated you can’t even walk thr-”

He suddenly stopped. He flicked a wing. Had he seriously said what he thought he just said? Maybe Knockout had tuned out his rant. He could hope…?

Knockout deflated a bit at Starscreams retort. “That’s not what I mea-” but Starscream continued cutting him off undaunted wich made Knockout irritable again.

Knockout huffed now tireing. much of his initial fight leaving him as his fatigue set in and oposed the prospect of continuing this verbal sparing match further. he rolled his optics shaking his helm at most of it now. Starscream always had to have the last word.

None of it had to do with the actual issue Knockout had with being woken up. all he realy wanted was some peace and quiet to recharge…. was that so much to ask?

He had half a mind to just tune out Starscream now and head for his room and deal with the others temper at his actions in the morning.

And that was just what he had been about to do as he was turning to walk away when his audials caught a terrifyingly familiar name uttered, one he had NEVER expected to be associated along with the rest of their team efforts…

Knockout paused as if he was thinking over if he had realy just heard the other correctly.

Suddenly he whipped back around his optics burning bright red all semblance of fatigue gone, replaced by a burning fury!

“SHOCKWAVE!…. SH- SHOCKWAVE!!!?? WHAT-” he stomped closer anger rattling his shoulders. “DID-” Stomp “YOU-” stomp stomp “DO!!”

Knockout latched onto the thin edges of Starscreams shoulder pauldrons and jirked the seeker down face to face with his porcelain furious visage.

“You said Shockwave!!! You mean the mech who invented PREDACONS! The mech who Whipped out VOS THAT SHOCKWAVE!! What about SHOCKWAVE!? Starscream!??” Ironically Knockout had betrayed his own peace and quiet as his voice reached for new hights.

Knockout released Starscream pushing him away as his own mix of anger, anxiety and fear took hold.

He began to pace not knowing what to do with his Flux of sudden emotions. In this situation normally he could keep his cool perhaps a bit better but this was too much, too sudden and he was too tired to deal with this now! his ventilation systems kicking into overdrive as he neered hyperventalation.

Why would Starscream put them all at such risk!?

Shockwave was a threat he was dangerious to all of them Soundwave had been bad enough but now this! Knockout tried to calm himself but failed for a moment as he held his helm from the onset of a panic attack while he paced Infront of Starscream. He could not believe this!! How could Starscream go behind his back! Wasn’t he supposed to consult him before making a decision like this!! Of course he was! His anger boiled anew.

Clank thunk thunk. CLANK

Knockout in his panic had tripped and almost fallen forward from the offending piece of flooring that had started this whole mess!

“St-pid peice-ofScrap!” He growled through clenched denta and plunged his sawblade into the floor cutting off the offending piece of scrap before chucking it unceremoniously down the hall before a watching Starscream.

A moment later Knockout spun around to again stare at Starscream and spent a few more vents managing to compose himself to a degree.

Once he felt composed he continued.

“Considering neither of us are going to be getting any recharge now…” Knockout spoke calmly despite himself. “Care to enlighten me on this matter too Starscream… since you saw fit not to consult me to begin with!!” His voice sharpened on the last few words.

He waited now forcing himself to calm down before he did something he regret and punch the other in the face that wouldn’t go over well…for either of them. Starscream wasn’t like Breakdown afterall where that might have made a proper point.

But just like Breakdown when he had went off and did something royaly idiotic.

Starscream also had PLENTY of explaining to do!

Starscream’s hopes rose just for a moment as Knockout turned to walk away. But then he paused and Starscream’s wings slowly sank.

Scrap.

He backpedalled as Knockout stormed toward him, flinching and shutting his eyes when he was grabbed. Fighting back didn’t occur to him - his mind was racing to come up with something to get himself out of trouble. Someone jerking his frame and yelling in his face made him scramble for something to appease, and long experience had conditioned him to resist bringing his claws to bear lest he make things worse for himself. “Knockout,” he whispered, opening one eye and motioning for him to be quiet.

He backed away farther when Knockout let go of him, looking around wildly in case anyone else heard them. Knockout might be angry, and he had reason to be, but there were Seekers in his team who would leave, if not kill him, if they heard he had let Shockwave live.

As he watched Knockout stomping around, his own sense of outrage flared back to life. Did he think he was stupid? That all those concerns weren’t ever present in his mind every time he talked to or looked at, or even thought about Shockwave?

He was afraid of Shockwave. But he needed what he could do, and… it was like old times… He really didn’t want to admit any of those things to Knockout. The longer he’d waited the harder it had been to come up with how he should tell him, until it was impossible. Because then he’d have to explain the delay, and face the accusations and berating.

Well now there was no more putting it off, but he still had nothing to say for himself. For a long moment he cast about for some way to begin at least. He snapped out if it when Knockout tripped and handily sawed the broken floor panel off. That was one way to do it, and it brought him enough vindication to defend himself when Knockout finally addressed him more calmly.

“I was going to tell you,” he huffed, drawing himself up. “Shockwave and I both monitor Decepticon channels, and naturally we found each other again. I had no intention of getting into any schemes with him when I asked a simple hypothetical question about the Well of AllSparks. No one here is a biologist. I’ve been trying to think of a way to tell you about it, but I knew you’d react exactly like this.” He brushed himself off where Knockout had grabbed him. “You don’t make it easy.”

“Realy Starscream were you?…” He rolled his optics listening. The nagging feeling of hurt returning. Did he want to replace him as a confidant? No that was rediculous! Wasnt it… He squashed it down.

Starscream continued to explain how this had all come about.

“Otherwise what your saying is you contacted him first… Primus…”

Knockout had been in the middle of pinching the bridge of his helm praying to Primus for strenth when Starscream accused him.

His helm snaped back up and he turned it very slowly to glare, almost baffled at the others ludicay for a moment before he could even bring himself to retort.

“Excuse me?! … hah hah! Iiiii~ make things dificult! Do you even hear yourself! Just uhhg! Just get in the med bay Starscream.”

Knockout quickly padded the medical bay doors open. At the doors swishing open he pointed into the room to indicate he wanted to have this conversation in a more private environment. As he was sure Starscream did as well.

“Leaders first…” Knockout spat.

After calming he realised his reaction could very well initiate a few eavesdropping eradicons soon… of course it was Starscreams fault for droping this on him instead of consulting him first! But Still he sensed Starscreams worry now… they couldn’t risk it that would not be ideal given the subject matter.

Once inside and the doors closed Knockout crossed his arms.

“So I make things dificult do I…? And you don’t supose adding Shockwave to the mess sounds like a sure fire method?” Knockout huffed.

“…what’s going on Starscream, just tell me…” Knockout sighed. “Why in your right mind did you think it was a good idea to contact that psychopath.” His shoulders fell a bit as he fought back the fear and hurt seeping into his voice. His optics on the other hand shown a different story.

why didn’t you trust me…

Starscream glared at Knockout but allowed himself to be ushered into the medbay, ducking his wings only enough to clear the doorframe before flaring them again. Once inside he turned to face Knockout, arms crossed on his chestplate.

“For your information, Knockout, I didn’t contact him first. Well, not on purpose. I didn’t seek him out. It was a comms frequency on a Decepticon channel, like I always look for. Once I knew it was him I couldn’t exactly cut off the channel without trying to find out what he was up to.”

He flicked a wing. That would have been a reasonable time to inform Knockout about the contact, but that wasn’t what he’d done. “Obviously we both suspected each other, and we were both trying to size each other up and see where things stood now that Megatron is gone.” Another wing flick. “We both told very little, and that was that. A short time later though, I was wondering about a biology question, and not a medical one. A… well, one that I would classify as mad science. Who better to ask?”

There was a long pause as Starscream tried to think which the several things that had happened next would upset Knockout the least. None, probably. He shifted and straightened his wings before continuing.

“He called me back with what I thought was an answer to that hypothetical question, but he… tricked me.” The last bit was mumbled quickly and quietly, because now that he’d said it all out loud the whole thing sounded like he’d given Shockwave the idea and then played directly into his hands for an obvious mad scheme. That might have been what happened but it wasn’t on purpose. And he also didn’t exactly have a problem with how things had turned out. He glanced around, not meeting Knockout’s gaze.

“I didn’t tell you because it all just sort of happened and it happened quickly, and… In retrospect I should have.”

“Oh joy more mad science!!! And here I thought you got your fill with me!… Of course he tricked you!! It’s Shoooockwaaaave!!!” Knockout facepalmed with a mild clang.

Despite his internal desire to interrupt further he resigned to listening to Starscreams explanations.

“Yes you should have…”

Knockout tensed when he realised Starscream had not only been in contact but had been meeting with Shockwave no doubt repeatedly for some time from the way he described things.

Happening quickly his aft. Starscream was lieing. He recognized that twitch in his wings.

What kind of crazy biology experimenting was so important Starscream repeatedly risk his saftey and kept it from one of his only confidants?! No matter how interesting a experiment Shockwave presented… Starscream still had been brash and it terrified Knockout to think about the what ifs.

“Starscream…. let me ask you this…” Knockouts voice had calmed but his tone was still serious.

“What do you suppose~ we would have done if Shockwave had tried to pull something drastic against you?… it could have left us all vulnerable without any knowledge as to what could have happened to you!” Knockout was looking at the far off wall in thought while he spoke. As if staring into a ghostly image of his own past.

“You can take care of yourself, but you made youself unnecisarily vulnerable and by extension us, to his subterfuge without a plan B. Without backup.” He paused but for only a moment.

“-And did you consider he’s still in contact with Predaking too? You could be in grave danger every time you are around him.” Knockouts concern filtered into his tone before his voice became hard again.

“This isn’t just about you and that lonely quest for ambition anymore! You have a loyal team who shares your goal! You have Phoenix and the squadron to look after! Stop acting like none of us matter when I know you don’t feel that way!” Knockout yelled his shoulders trembling not unlike the number of times he had failed to hide away his grief.

“This… slag you pulled its, it’s just like your reckless political days on vos before you learned to delegate! Or do you still not trust me to do my job!” Knockout raised his hand to point to Starscream then at himself before his arms flung wide in exclamation.

“You know better! And… I know you don’t want to hear this from me of all mechs… but that’s EXACTLY why I’m here telling you! Because you don’t want to hear it!” He stepped closer looking up into Starscreams optics with firm resolve.

“Starscream, Your too important now to take risks like this! And we can’t help you if you won’t let us!” Knockout looked up defiantly. He knew Starscream was going to be angry at him for this but he had to do something.

Knockout would not allow this.

Regardless of his own insecurities, He wouldn’t stand by and lose another friend to a trecherious enemy because they made foolish, rash decisions!

Not again!

At one point he might not have cared but now?… it terrified him to think how close he- they all had come to that same circumstance all over again.

He wouldn’t let it happen again. even if he had to face down Starscreams wrath to make that point.

He braced himself but never broke eye contact.

Starscream found it very hard to keep his wings flared as all of Knockout’s warnings and accusations piled up on him, but he managed, rolling the building hurt into his anger and focusing it all into maintaining his glare at the medic. At the mention of Predaking his hands began to shake, and when Knockout brought Phoenix into it he clenched his fists so tightly that Energon beaded up on his wrists.

“I know all that!” he yelled when Knockout was finally done. “You think I’m stupid?” They were standing so close together Starscream could easily strike Knockout for talking to him like that, for making him feel, well, stupid. He had taken all of that into account, many times over, every time he considered what was happening with Shockwave. They were things he accounted for, planned for, and set aside, satisfied he could handle it. Hearing it all laid out though, he found himself reeling. Perhaps he’d lost perspective on what was normal, having lived for so long with those sorts of calculated risks always in the back of his mind. But his risks hadn’t paid off… Ever.

He didn’t touch Knockout. Just for a moment, his wings quivered, but he flared them again. “I thought about all of it, Knockout! It wouldn’t be logical for him to try anything against me. Have you considered that everything is different now that Megatron is gone? He even told me he finally realized our former master played us against each other!” He thrashed his wings, trying to shake the recollection of the momentary understanding he and Shockwave had shared. He loathed agreeing with the scientist, even if it meant he was vindicated.

“I hate him, don’t worry about that. My claws ache to pierce his wretched Spark! But he offered me a chance to see the rebirth of my kind - actually see it with my own eyes. I went with him, and I didn’t know what he was going to do, but now he’s working for the Seekers. Let’s just say he owes me and he’s working it off so his death might be less painful. I’m not saying I trust him, because I admit he tricked me, but he needs my expertise this time as much as I need his.” He tried to sell that last point, as much to himself as to Knockout, but found it rang hollow.

“And-” he glanced away just for a moment, casting about for a finishing argument, before returning with an even fiercer stare. “And don’t you dare bring Phoenix into this! I kept everything separate with Shockwave because he can’t know about her. He’d be overcome with curiosity if he learned where she came from, and that’s unthinkable! Let him be in his lab with the Protoform, far away from here! I was figuring it out!” Even he knew that was lame. Compartmentalizing was no excuse for keeping Knockout out of the loop, but up until this very moment, it had made sense on some insane level. Knockout, Phoenix, his team, they were his world now. Shockwave was the past - an ally of convenience whom he was using for his own ends. It was a simple past where he knew what he had to do and who he had to do it to, and at times Starscream still missed it, perverse as it was. If Knockout was placed in that world… a world where Starscream used everyone and his every move was a cynical calculation, then Starscream would only hurt him again.

But now, looking at Knockout’s unwavering glare, his well justified anger and poorly concealed fear, he realized - he had hurt him anyway. He couldn’t juggle a world where he was not alone anymore, a world he still barely understood, and a familiar world where he had nothing - no one - to lose. He’d lose either way.

Finally his wings fell, and he looked down, busying himself with wiping away the Energon that dripped from his wrists. “I know I should have told you,” he said again, quietly now that he was out of excuses and bluster. “I - I’m sorry. I do trust you, and I’m not trying to do this alone. It’s just… alone is how I’ve had to do things. I always lose everyone and it’s usually because of Shockwave. And…” His voice staticked out but he continued anyway. “because of me. I was afraid to tell you. Jetfire left and even Thundercracker left. My Trypticon crew… they didn’t leave; Shockwave butchered them, but I couldn’t hold the station. The stakes were high then, just like now, and they left anyway, or were taken. I couldn’t stop it. I made mistakes… and they cost so much.”

He fell silent, waiting tensely for Knockout to berate him for not trusting him, like he always did. Still, he could weather that, because despite the fears he’d just confessed, he did trust him. He knew Knockout wouldn’t leave him again, deep down, though he feared losing him to Shockwave. Even if the Seekers caught wind of him working with the mass murderer of their kind, and turned on him as a traitor, Knockout wouldn’t leave him. So he’d let him be angry. Who wouldn’t be, having to deal with a mess like him?

Knockouts anger continued to boil as he listened to Starscream drone on and on in traditional outrage of how his insanity was a good idea…

However like a pin to a ballon the building fury suddenly released at 2 simple words.

“I’m sorry”

Knockout took a moment to process what he just heard… the words indeed spoken in true sincerity.

Knockouts shoulders fell in an instant all semblance of heated retort dying on his vocals. Instead he heaved a long tired sigh before approaching the seeker.

“Starscream… I am not Thundercracker or jetfire… and your not alone not anymore…” He placed a gentle palm on Starscream’s shoulder.

“Just because I think you’re out of your processor for dabbling with Shockwave for what possibly could be the most backwards risky unethical scheme to date, doesn’t mean I’m going to leave… besides someone need to stick around to watch the rear.” Knockout smirked with a knowing glint that Starscream would recognize.

“And quite honestly, this whole conversation is completely exhausting for the both of us and at this point I know too much and your not going to kill me soooo you might as well tell me everything now so we can both get back to recharge…” Knockout pulled up a chair inviting the seeker to take a seat before he did so behind his desk.

However before Starscream could begin to elaborate he held up a single digits signaling a momentary pause. During which time Knockout retrieved 2 energon canisters and promptly placed them before filling them with a particularly strong grade of highgrade.

“Cheers” Knockout lifted the canister before promptly throwing it back in one swig.

“Alright, begin”

Starscream waited with downcast optics for Knockout to respond. None of his excuses made any sense and he knew it, but even now he cast about for something to ward off the desperate feeling of not knowing what to do. The medic’s prolonged silence only made him more apprehensive with each passing moment. He was really going to get it, and he was too spent to put up another fight.

He tensed at the touch on his shoulder, not flinching but still drawing inward. Knockout’s assurance that he wasn’t Jetfire or Thundercracker only seemed to crack the welds on those old wounds and made them bleed. Starscream struggled to find his voice, barely managing to mutter, “I know…,” as he turned to face Knockout. He’d spent so long convincing himself that he hated the old friends who had abandoned him, that he didn’t need their help and was better off without them, and now it hurt to recall how earnestly and sometimes desperately he’d sought their advice and trusted them to have his back.

As he watched Knockout move off and offer him a seat, he tried to remember the knack of explaining a problem to someone and… asking for help. Civilizations on countless worlds had flourished and fallen since he’d last done so. Stars had burned out.

The medic’s sly jabs and matter-of-fact insistence that he divulge everything oddly did reassure Starscream. This was Knockout. He wasn’t going anywhere, and even the fact that he’d seen all of the same dangers Starscream himself had seen in the situation was a good start. Freaking outabout them hadn’t helped, but now that the shock had worn off, they could get down to business.

He eased down onto the seat and fussed with his wings a bit, not sure how to hold them.

“All right. I’ll tell you. Just keep it down.” He gave Knockout a sharp look, before taking his canister of Energon and turning slowly in his claws.

“As I said, I asked him a hypothetical question, about what would happen if an implanted Spark were taken from the Well prematurely. I was worried about whether there were any Seekers being born or not, and what was happening with them. I specifically told him not to try it.”

Starscream rolled his optics. “Of course, when does anyone listen to me? Anyway, a while later he called up to tell me he knew for certain that Seekers were being born, and could show me. I… went with him.”

For a long moment he grew quiet, staring into the fuel he held. “The Well was… it was incredible. And sure enough, at the bottom we found one. A Seeker.” He held his hands about three feet apart to show show Knockout how small the protoform had been, and a soft smile stole onto his face. “It was only this big, but you could already the wing roots forming. I was trying to think of when we might be able to venture down again and check on it, when I turned around to see Shockwave cutting it right out of the ground!”

He swept his hand and flared his wings, recalling his outrage at what Shockwave had done. “I didn’t know that’s what he was planning! But sticking it back in the hole it came from wouldn’t repair the damage. It would have died. So…. I flew it back to his lab, where it’s now growing in one of his cloning tanks.” Finally he knocked back his drink and set the empty canister down. “It’s the best thing he’s ever had in there by a long shot. Hmph. Unfortunately it does make killing him more complicated. At least for now.”

Knockout stared optics wide jaw slack… the high grade doing hardly a thing for him when faced with this type of taboo.

Knockouts shoulders were again shaking but his own shock over the horrendous act was enough to keep him quiet for the moment.

That was until the canister in his hand exploded into a thousand pieces despite his obvious restraint.

“He… you both took a newspark… a child… from the Allspark…” Knockout couldn’t look at Starscream but instead his saucered optics cast downward at the broken shards now littering the desk In front of him and the energon dripping from his hand that had accidentally been sliced by a few of the stray shards.

The damage was hardly what bothered him most.

He wanted to yell to be angry again to shake the other and scream his outrage but all he could do was stare in horrified shocked silence for what seemed to stretch on for an uncomfortably long amount of time.

Finally Knockout found his voice once more.

“Starscream… I need to see the protoform… what you and shockwave have done is… I just… take me to the lab we have work to do if that spark is going to survive with Shockwave.” Knockouts voice remained calm now but almost deadened. As if any semblance of personality was being blocked out or repressed.

getting up from his desk Knockout turned his back to the seeker still sitting at his desk while he retrieved a tool to extract the shards from his hand. cleaning it and bandaging the minor wounds he did not turn to face the other as he spoke again quietly.

“I think… you should go- take a flight, should help calm your nerves.” Knockout spoke his tone professional… impersonal.

“I will prepare for tomorrow…” was all the more Knockout spoke leaving no room for debate.

Starscream looked expectantly at Knockout once he’d come clean about everything that had happened. Surprisingly he did feel relieved now that he’d laid it all out. That is, until Knockout crushed the Energon canister in his grip. The Seeker’s wings whipped down, clanging against the back of the chair, and he stood partway, not sure what Knockout was about to do. He noted that the medic was quite pointed about lumping him in with Shockwave, and his wings flared slightly. It wasn’t fair.

“It was mostly Shockwave. I didn’t want to- I didn’t mean to… ” Trying to fill the silence only made it worse, and he trailed off, finally just nodding when Knockout said he needed to see the protoform.

Of course he did, and Starscream wanted him to. When Knockout got up to leave, Starscream started to follow him, relieved to have a new plan, to have help. His restless mind latched onto the idea of getting started and he forgot how tired he was. But when Knockout spoke, he stopped, wings sinking slowly behind him.

You should go.

He was glad, in a way, that Knockout wouldn’t look at him as he stood there at a loss, swinging one fist against his leg and blinking nervously. Knockout didn’t want him around… Perhaps the medic needed to think. That was probably it. But Starscream couldn’t help the shiver that ran down his wings, and he tried to force the memories of all the times Thundercracker had shut him out like that from his mind. It had happened more and more towards the end… This was different though. Knockout said he was going to help. Or perhaps, not so different after all, except that this time Starscream was going to let him.

Finally he turned and stepped toward the medbay door. “Tomorrow then,” he murmured, not looking back as he twitched his wings together and slunk out.

#compiled threads #shocking revelations #cut for length #getting a few more of these done

7 notes · View notes

iamloveandlightsworld · 2 years

Text

I had an okay day

The last month I've been talkative and not too down

But then like a switch

I feel like I'm being pulled under the water again

My mind is chanting stick a knife in your throat

You're disgusting

I hate looking myself in the mirror

I haven't been drinking water

So ofcourse my face looks like a monster

I haven't been moving ofcourse my body is disgusting

I don't have a personality ,I'm as bland as they come

I'm a fraud,an imposter

I'm a bad person who loses interest in people and then blame them for not caring enough

I'm pathetic because I expect people to care when I'm already pushing everyone away

Lately most shows I watch with mum there has been a suicide

And she'll comment something like Amejiua

And she has zero awareness that I am thinking and planning on how to die

There are so many people who have potential and are good people and have the will to live but they die

I wish I could give them my life

You might be wondering..ah..she was so weak and such a coward..did she expect us to read her mind...why didn't she ask for help...she knows we love her and we supported her

Maybe I'm wrong

I'm a lazy ass bitch who can't get off her ass and look for work

I've wasted everybody's time and money

Mum and dad must have spent a fortune on my education

But lil sad Gin...poor Gin...just take your meds and integrate into society and stop being so pathetic

You expect people to wake up and serve you

What a joke....can I just sleep and never wake up again

Why am I so resistant to God

People seem to have their lives together when they believe and trust in God

I don't really try to make an effort to get to know him

The being in charge of me

The being who supposedly loves me so much he brought me to existence to fulfill some type of purpose when I'm on earth....the one who will send my soul straight to an eternity of pain and misery

Gin...you think being this privileged is so miserable

Wait till you're in purgatory and burning in hell for an eternity

Why the fuck are you so resistant

I think it's because I'm exhausted

I don't want to be helped

Maybe I deserve an eternity for suffering

You're nothing but a waste of space

Taking up oxygen that someone else needs

Like I lie in bed and let mum slave herself with house chores

Like Fuck Gin....you could at least be helpful if you're going to lazy around in bed and eat free food and get free shelter and clothes and electricity and comfort

I mean why the fuck do you feel like you're suffering

What the fuck is wrong with me

JUST TAKE THE KNIFE AND PLUNGE IT IN YOUR HEART

YOU DESERVE A PAINFUL DEATH

YOU ARE NOT A GOOD DAUGHTER

YOU ARE NOT A GOOD SISTER

YOU ARE NOT A GOOD NIECE

YOU ARE NOT A GOOD GRANDCHILD

YOU ARE NOT A GOOD FRIEND

YOU ARE NOT A GOOD HUMAN

SO HURRY UP AND STOP BEING SUCH A PUSSY

THE MORE YOU PRETEND PEOPLE NEED YOU

THE MORE IM HURTING THEM, NO ONE NEEDS YOU

I MEAN THEY WILL BE HURT AND BETRAYED BY MY SELFISHNESS 😂😂😂🤣SEE EVEN IN DEATH YOU ARE A MISERY TO EVERYONE‼️

YOUR COALS TO BURN YOU ALIVE FOR ETERNITY ARE ALREADY BEING LIT

I MEAN I DONT WANT TO GO TO HELL

IM NOT EVIL

I DONT WANT TO BE ON LUCIFER'S OR GOD'S SIDE

I JUST DONT WANT TO BE ON ANYONE'S SIDE

I DONT WANT TO EXIST

I DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK GOES ON AFTER ONE DIES...BUT CAN I JUST PLEASE DISSAPPEAR AND CEASE TO EXIST

LOOK AT YOU GIN

RUNNING AWAY FROM LIFE LIKE A COWARD

AND ALSO TRYING TO RUN AWAY FROM MY PUNISHMENT

I FEEL LIKE I CANT BREATHE

I FEEL LIKE MY HEART IS BEING SQUEEZED SO HARD

YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO HUMAN SOCIETY

YOU SEXUALITY

YOUR MINDSET

NO ONE NEEDS SUCH FILTH,DIRTY STAINS IN THEIR LIVES

I WAS HERE BUT I WAS NEVER HERE

YOU SAID HELLO ONCE OR TWICE

SO MY DEPARTURE FROM EXISTING SHOULDNT AFFECT YOU AT ALL

JUST ATTEND MY SENDING AWAY BTS THEMED "FUNERAL"...CRY A LITTLE...REMINISCE SOME OLD TIMES WE HAD TOGETHER AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIVES

FOR MY FAMILY...I AM EXTREMELY PROFOUNDLY SORRY TO MY FAMILY...I WISH I COULD ERASE MYSELF IN A NOT SO TRAUMATIC WAY..LIKE A PHYSICAL ILLNESS OR SOMETHING...THATS EASIER TO ACCEPT AND MOVE ON

BUT MAYBE LEARN FROM ME

IT MIGHT BE PAINFUL

BUT PLEASE GROW CLOSER AS A FAMILY

STAND TOGETHER AND LOVE THE HELL OUT OF ONE ANOTHER

To be completely transparent and honest,Bangtan are a very high reason why I never stick a knife in my throat esp Park Jimin...I keep telling myself to wait and see what they do next....they will never know they had someone who loved them so much that they were my life jackets,my beam of light...they will never know of my existence as an individual and that's okay...it's been a great journey with them...they made me see the beauty of life but unfortunately the darkness won....I CAN BREATHE TOTALLY FINE BUT I CANT BREATHE....MY LUNGS ARE BURNING..MY MIND IS SCREAMING....DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE WHY WONT YOU DIE YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT....🤮🤮🤮YOU DISGUST ME..NOTHING ABOUT YOU IS LOVEABLE...WELL YOUR FAMILY LOVES YOU BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE..THEY CANT HATE YOU...GOD STRIKE ME DOWN..IM AN EMBARRASSMENT AND A WASTE OF SPACE, A GLITCH IN THE SYSTEM...PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON ME AND ERASE ME...PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON ME AND JUST MAKE ME DISSAPPEAR NEVER TO EXIST AGAIN..PLEAS HAVE MERCY ON ME AND FORGIVE ME

PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON ME AND DONT CONDEMN ME TO AN ETERNITY OF PAIN AND SUFFERING

GIN.....WHAT IS RHHSSUEYEHKSKAUJDJKDJWJEJJEJEJJEJWJJRJDJJAKSJDIIE...IM TIRED AND EXHAUSTED AND DONE

PLEASE DONT HATE ME

PLEASE FORGIVE ME

I don't own any of this photos credit to the original owners

#thoughts #negativeintrusivethoughts #self-deprecating #mental health #mentally drained #exhausted af #archive #late night thoughts

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gocatboygo · 6 years

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1-50 for Sarsaparilla?

ohhh my god skfjskdf sarsaparilla has no development whatsoever this is gonna be a blast and a half

1) which faction did they side with (NCR, legion, yes-man, or house)?

she sided with the legion from the time she saw vulpes in nipton bc Romam Armor Look Cool, cured caesar of his tumor & everything, and then just before the battle of hoover dam, assassinated caesar and sided with yes-man. she realized about halfway through her work for caesar that siding with the legion was never going to pay off and decided to Fool Him TM and then take vegas for herself

2) preferred armor?

OOF probably like… leather armor sdkfjsdk i dont know. she wore the tribal raiding armor at the very beginning of the game. she doesnt wear the legion uniform but i imagine her w some Legion Accessories TM like a mark of caesar on her chest or something

3) melee, guns, energy weapons, or unarmed?

melee babey

4) highest skills? secondary skills? lowest skills?

her highest skills are melee, stealth, and medicine (she polishes that up real nice when she realizes caesar has cancer). secondary skills are explosives and lockpick. lowest skills would have to be barter and survival :/

5) SPECIAL stats?

im just guessing at this point bc i dont remember them skdfjkd but i would say ST:5, PE:6, EN:4, CH:4, IN:6, AG:9, LK:9

6) what are their perks?

black widow, cherchez la femme, friend of the night, cannibal, scrounger, ninja

7) favorite companions? least favorite companions?

literally no one will hang out w her bc she’s legion ksdfjsd. she takes boone as a companion at the very beginning of the game and then she has to kill him. her fave would probably be cass, or raul, who is the Only Mf who will talk to her

8) any romantic partners? how do these relationships begin and end? are they healthy?

she thinks vulpes is hot for 0.2 seconds but she also thinks that about violet, gloria van graff, and some securitrons so i wouldnt worry about it

9) gender / sexuality / ethnicity / species / etc.?

cis female / bi / asian / human ((i just realized all my couriers are cis even though im trans as hell sdkfjsdkfsdj yikes))

10) where were they born/raised? when/why did they leave?

she doesn’t remember anything from b4 the bullet but she’s from new reno. she left because it’s new reno.

11) when, why and how did they become a courier? how long did they remain a courier before benny shot them?

she needed work after she left home and delivering packages didn’t seem terrible. she did it for like 2 years max before she got shot

12) how did the bullet affect them?

took out most of her memories (including her name) and sort of scrambled her good sense. she doesn’t feel very much fear, restraint, or remorse anymore, which is why she’s been doing All This recently

13) how did they deal with benny?

seduced him, slept with him, killed him in his sleep, and took his roomba yes-man

14) what’s their reputation with the ncr / the legion?

the ncr - fucking horrible she can barely go on the strip sdjfskdsd. pile body upon body babey. / the legion - superb. sparkling. if she weren’t a woman they’d even stop insulting her

15) what do the people in freeside think of them? the followers, the kings, the garrets, the van graffs?

the followers aren’t a fan of her because of all that legion business. the kings like her because she takes care of rex. the garrets generally dislike her. the van graffs like her a lot because she let them kill cass & did all their quests

16) what’s their reputation with goodsprings / novac / primm? (i know primm reputation was cut from the game but like let’s pretend for a minute sdkfjd)

goodsprings: bad bc she sided with the powder gangers kdsfjs / novac: she did come fly with me so its lookin alright! / primm: very mixed bc she’s pro-powder ganger but she also got them a new sheriff (meyer)

17) what’s their reputation with the khans / the brotherhood / the boomers / the powder gangers?

the khans: she’s a Legion Ambassador… a shining monument of their new allies… Excellent and yet they know fuckall about her / bos: well she did blow up that whole bunker. / boomers: i dont remember / powder gangers: as i mentioned before she sided with them at goodsprings and made meyer a sheriff so they like her a lot. boxcars is happy to see her

18) what do the people on the strip think of them? the omertas, the white gloves, the chairmen, ncr military police, mr. house? do the gamblers like them?

the omertas: she did cachino’s quest so it’s pretty good / white gloves: idolized / chairmen: hey that’s the fink that killed benny / ncrmp: BAD / mr house: well considering the fact that she killed him, not excellent

19) what is their motive for taking vegas?

literally just ‘she wants to’. the whole point of this courier was that she’s a no rules run, she’s lost a lot after the bullet scrambled her brain and she’s literally just doing whatever she wants to do

20) do they have a theme song?

no :(

21) what do they look like? how tall are they? are they attractive? any piercings, tattoos, scars?

she has black hair in the “blast back” style. pretty short, like 5′4″. no piercings or tattoos (but she probably gets a legion brand at some point w like the mars symbol or something). there’s of course a bullet scar on her head, and a few around her arms and torso.

22) how old are they? do they know their birthday? if so, what’s their sign?

she’s in her early-mid twenties, very young. im not sure if she remembers her bday (probs not) but she’s a Sagittarius

23) do they speak any languages other than english?

god no. she doesnt even try to learn latin jhjhkjgfkj she pronounces all of it wrong and caesar’s like please shut up,

24) can they read, write, do math, sing? did they ever receive an education?

she went to school in new reno so she can do all that. maybe not sing.

25) what were their parents like? are they still on good terms with their parents?

i honestly havent given it much thought. her parents were probably Just Okay TM. she doesn’t remember them.

26) what’s their d&d alignment? (bolded bc i really like that one ksdjfksd)

chaotic neutral, leaning into chaotic evil.

27) how’s their karma?

not great

28) how do they feel about killing people? do they try to avoid it?

like i said, the bullet messed w her remorse a lot, so it doesn’t particularly bother her anymore.

29) do they take chems? if yes, when and which ones?

yes, sometimes! usually mentats, buffout, med-x, or psycho.

30) do they gamble? where? is their luck good?

she likes to gamble. usually at the ultra-luxe. her luck is pretty good!

31) where do they usually sleep? do they have more than one home location? do they live with any other people?

she usually stays in the lucky 38, in her hotel room in novac, or in the tent Big C TM hooked her up with at the fort. if it comes to it she’ll sleep in the ncrcf. no one else really lives in her 38 save for the securitrons

32) what are their favorite weapons? where did they get these weapons?

her caesar’s fall collection legion-brand machete babeyyyy, one n only! she’ll also use a pistol (a light shining in darkness most of the time since u know she sides w joshua graham) or a police baton if that’s appropriate

33) do they flirt a lot? is it well-received?

yes she does and no it isnt! she licked vulpes. just. right on his visibly ugly face. one time she tried to climb yes-man

34) do they goof around a lot? do other people find it funny or do they just entertain themselves?

once again yes she does and no they do not! she’s doin it all for her, baby. chaotic neutral here we go

35) what do their companions think of them? are they close? have they done any companion quests?

the companions,, obviously dont think very well of her most of the time bc she’s legion. cass thinks she’s a Real Wild Card and respects her for that at first. raul doesn’t like her very much but he’ll still travel with her from time to time just to see what she Does TM.

36) why did you create them?

i wanted to do a no rules run! like i thought it would be cool to just. do the craziest things i could think of in fnv and do it all with one courier. and thus sarsaparilla was born

37) do they draw, paint, play any instruments?

hell no

38) how do they deal with injuries? do they use stimpaks, healing powder, med-x? does a companion help them? can they bear a lot of pain, or do they need to attend to injuries immediately? when they do have to see a doctor, do they have a preferred doctor, or do they just see anyone?

she uses all 3 depending on how bad the wound is. for minor wounds she uses healing powder because she has an abundance of it from the legion, but since she has fairly low endurance she often just has to use stimpaks & med-x. she’s not very tolerant to pain all of the time? but if she has a lot of adrenaline (which she comes by very easily) she can all but ignore it entirely. she doesnt have a preferred doctor

39) have they ever been irradiated? how did they deal with it? did it have lasting effects?

probably a few times but she just threw up and then took a bunch of rad-away and ended up fine. she’s never been damaged by radiation permanently

40) in conversation, are they kind? gentle? sarcastic? rude? do they speak warmly and openly with people, or are they more guarded? do they talk a lot?

she’s somewhat talkative, she mostly says whatever pops into her head whenever it comes to mind so her talking is just. a big mess of Thoughts She Had. she likes making a lot of jokes that are mostly for her

41) do they like long journeys through the mojave, or do they prefer to travel more quickly? do they prefer using roads or travelling through the deep desert?

she likes to travel quickly. no time to waste! she’s almost always using the roads

42) name a random fact about your courier.

she thinks it’s really funny to blow vulpes’s cover whenever she sees him undercover on the strip & she almost gets killed every single time. oh holy shit it’s vulpes! vulpes inculta! spelled v-u-l-p– oh my god its the ncr mp quick vulpes take your dick out in this gift shop

43) do they watch movie holotapes? what are their favorites? least favorites?

yes but shes literally only seen blazing saddles, gladiator, and we bought a zoo

44) what do they do with the lucky 38? do they like being there? do they leave their companions there? if they’re a yes-man courier, do they open it back up as a casino?

she doesn’t leave companions there too often, like i said. she likes it pretty well bc of the robots and the hot water? but i think that she really prefers staying in hotels except for special occasions. she doesnt open it back up bc yes-man kills her sldkfjds great transition

45) what do they do after hoover dam?

yes-man says fuck work and just absolutely murders her. hes like ok enough of this and finds a new human to do what he needs done skdfjksd

46) how do they die? how is their death received, by the mojave and by their companions?

yes-man fucking KILLS her ass! the mojave takes a great big breath of relief knowing they wont have to watch her shenanigans anymore skdjfds

47) what are their vices? are they an alcoholic, a thief, a hoarder?

oh boy literally all of them. she definitely steals a lot but thats literally just. a part of her “do whatever you want” complex that Is TM her greatest vice

48) can they cook, and if so, what do they cook? what are their favorite & least favorite foods?

she absolutely cannot. she likes pizza from the tops dskfjkds

49) did they kill caesar? vulpes inculta? what about prominent ncr figures, like kimball and colonel hsu?

yes she did kill caesar! her securitrons killed vulpes at hoover dam and she was power-tripping so hard she didn’t realize they’d already gotten to him. she probably didnt think about him again before she died. she didnt assassinate kimball herself but she definitely assisted in making the assassination go smoothly, and im sure her robots got to hsu sometime before she had yes-man throw oliver off the dam skdjfskd

50) what’s their happiest memory?

not to be fake deep but all this shit she does obviously causes more adrenaline than happiness. you could say that it’s when yes-man threw oliver off the dam, because that was her most exhilarating moment, or you could say that it was when she woke up in goodsprings, because it was the last time she was calm and being taken care of.

—

thank u so much if u read all this and thank you for sending me this ask. it took a long time but its a good exercise like i said skdfjsdf. send me more if these if yall have the heart, maybe not a whole 1-50 but like ! & please reblog my fnv courier questions post because i do think its nice, bye

#courier 6 #sarsaparilla #fnv #long post

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