#but as a gross generalization (which everyone is already doing anyways in this discourse) i think this sums up my feelings pretty well

[st5lker]

wild half-thought out rant since at this point im not seeing anyone on tumblr talk about this its more of a tiktok discourse thing but as someone who is gay the whole "genital preference" discourse and the way it comes from people who arent even outwardly transphobic or trans exclusionary is pretty wild to me. i can only talk about this while getting into tmi territory sorry so the rest is under a readmore

its usually transmascs especially younger ones propagating the whole idea that "its not transphobic to have genital preferences i wouldnt be offended if someone didnt want to sleep with me bc im afab" and even ignoring the way that that completely ignores how different this entire situation is for trans women, as a gay person who is very aware of and comfortable in what i am and am not attracted to it just doesnt ever make any sense to me. like i am attracted to men. point blank and period. im attracted to things that register as masculine or a feature of a man in my mind.

but like. i get the idea of where theyre coming from in that attraction is an instinctual reaction or whatever but like, sure im not "attracted" to vaginas in the sense that im not turned on by a picture of one and yes sometimes the idea of getting up close with one turns me off. but believe it or not i am still attracted to trans men and would still have sex with one because i register them as men? and in the same sense like, yeah im usually attracted to an isolated picture of a penis but like that usually comes with the idea in my mind that its attached to a man. looking at a trans woman's penis when im aware its a trans woman gives me the same hormonal reaction that looking at a cis woman's vagina does, in that... its nothing. because my mind registers that as a body part belonging to a woman. a person's genitals are one tiny part of their body and if thats the ONLY thing you can focus on when youre attracted to somebody then i really have to wonder if youre attracted to people or if you just see partners as like... sex toys with extra baggage attached

like i kind of get where theyre coming from, my brain is hardwired towards amab genitalia, but its also hardwired towards a lot of things other things too LMAO. its not like i have any particular inclination to get close and focus on afab genitalia the way i might with others but like... that doesnt mean its impossible to interact sexually with a trans man or even their genitals yknow. there are lots of ways to have sex. and like, is that to say im attracted to every single trans man or every one of them ticks the boxes that make me attracted to someone? no of course not but im far from attracted to every cis man either LOL. there are plenty of cis men who are far less attractive to me than the majority of trans men on testosterone lol and thats not even always about them being 'ugly' as much as it is them not being my type.

there are so many arguments people make about how alll trans peoples bodies are different and how you dont have to interact with trans genials and all that and while all of that is true and i just mentioned some of it i think honestly the core of the matter comes down to this: in most cases we are attracted to gender, not sex, and so we're attracted to the things that our brain pattern recognizes as matching with our orientation. and contrary to what a lot of transphobes believe if you are not actively trying to remind yourself of a trans person's AGAB every time you see them in most cases it is very easy to register them as their identity in your mind. the issue is not that youre not attracted to trans people, the issue is that you refuse to allow yourself to see trans people as anything other than the gender they were assigned at birth, and that conscious perception block is what is keeping your body from reacting to them as you would a member of your preferred gender.

[micahdraws]

Well since my last post on the Dislyte sexualization discourse, some ignorant jackass insists on arguing with bad faith assumptions. So I did a little research into because I was curious and who knows. Maybe I was wrong about my own understanding.

First, they liken being horny on main to "sexual harassment," which it's not. Yes, it makes some people uncomfortable, but it's not harassment to witness a sexual conversation that has nothing to do with you outside of a workplace. People are allowed to talk about their sexual fantasies openly and in public areas outside of work. There is nothing inherently wrong with that. If you're out with your friends and you want to talk horny topics among yourselves, that's not harassment even if others overhear.

Second, in online spaces, everyone is responsible for their own experience. So crying "sexual harassment" and "what about the children????" is not only disingenuous, it echoes the same conservative talking points being wielded in places like Florida and Texas. It's gross, insidious, and ultimately not about the children, but about that person not wanting to take proper responsibility and curate their online experience so they can be more comfortable. Nobody is forcing them to continue exposing themselves to the unwanted content, and the main difference between seeing horny on main content and "sexual harassment" is that online you have the power to immediately cut it out of your perception, full stop.

Also, speaking of "what about the children," you don't get to lump "young adults" into that. Either something is appropriate for adults or it's not. Young adults are not children. They're adults. Don't pull people in their late teens/early 20s into this mess.

The other thing that was thrown at me was a "common sense" assumption that the majority of gacha players are "extremely likely" to be teens. Source: trust me, bro, it's "common sense" because nobody with a full time job and money is going to be playing a gacha. Which...okay, that's a take.

Anyway, here's where I was really curious and did some quick research. This took all of like 5 minutes to compile. This post is already getting long so I'll put the rest under a cut but the TL;DR is the average gacha player is most likely in their 30s.

According to Google Play demographics, the average age of mobile game players is 36.

According to this 2023 study, here is the breakdown by generation:

79% of Gen Z

Millennials are second with an unstated percentage

68% of Gen X We know that somewhere between 68% and 79% of millennials play mobile games, so for the sake of this discussion, we'll assume 74% of millennials play mobile games, putting them squarely in the middle between Gen X and Gen Z.

Estimated population by generation:

Gen Z: 2.56 billion (69.58 million in the US)

Millennials: 1.8 billion (72.24 million in the US)

Gen X: 1.025 billion (65.37 in the US)

Estimated number of players by generation:

Gen Z: 2.02 billion (55 million in the US)

Millennials: 1.33 billion (53 million in the US)

Gen X: 697 million (44 million in the US)

If you look at the totals worldwide, Gen Z only makes up about half of the estimated number of players. And currently about half of Gen Z is adults, so we can assume about 1 billion of this number is not children. That means of the about 4 billion number of players, about 75% of them are adults. In the US alone, millennials and Gen X make up nearly double the number of Gen Z players, and that's even before we cut the Gen Z number in half to account for adult Gen Z-ers.

So yeah, the average gacha player is not "extremely likely" to be a child. The average gacha player is, in fact, far more likely to be an adult.

But hey, I'm sure the "for the children!!!!" people are gonna find some way to explain why this is wrong and/or you still shouldn't be horny on main because they're running out of pearls to clutch with their weird conservative talking points. So whatever.

Bottom line is if you are seeing something you don't like, just fucking block it or mute it or unfollow it or whatever. Grow up.

[phoenix-is-the-hottest-thing]

it’s not a matter of being old, I just don’t like hearing anti rhetoric parroted— I’d rather shut that down right away. It’s always “why not use college students if you’re going to sexualize them” and never “what age do a lot of people start becoming more aware of their sexuality again?”

I personally don’t give a fuck (and I’m not mad at you just annoyed about age discourse in general) but allow me to play devil’s advocate for a second.

Sexualizing youth at roughly the age a lot of people start exploring sexuality isn’t weird to me. It’s, like… representing a particular experience a lot of folks have.

It’s not something I care about, because high school kinda sucked for me and I don’t have all that many fond memories, but sure I do find those struggles relatable, or at least understandable. I’ve been reading a manga where a bunch of baby lesbians start dealing with having romantic feelings, or their crush kissing someone else, it’s something that you’d get over more quickly in college because you already have the experience and development to deal with it.

This development is something people like writing about! They’ll pull from their experiences, or other people’s, and it’s so common/popular that it practically became its own genre, them being minors isn’t even a bleep on the radar.

I mean come on it’s almost all coming of age stories! What age do you come of age again???

16~17 is when people go through that kinda character development, they get super hormonal/particularly horny or their peers do, or they start having new anxieties about their future post graduation, etc.

16~17 is the toughest age to be and probably sees just about the hardest changes to handle. So that’s when most coming of ages stories happen. It’s perfect as a setting for a story about maturing.

I also assume it is more relatable to everyone considering going to college isn’t a given, nor does it have a true standard for the experience— there are manga drawing schools now, but I don’t think every mangaka went to college to write their stories.

Finally, you have to think about the target audience. Coming of age manga is often written FOR TEENAGERS, just like YA novels. Why wouldn’t you write about teenagers going through teenager bullshit when you’re talking to teenagers going through it?

I’m an adult now, to pick the manga I mentioned earlier back up— my view of them has changed because I’m no longer the primary audience for shoujo/shonen type stuff. Back when I was younger I would have identified directly with their struggles. Now I relate because I see my past self, or it feels like watching little siblings or younger friends going through struggles I know seem sooo big now, but they’ll be okay. It’s not about going wow so hot they are kissing. It’s playing on my nostalgia. I was once 16 too!

A lot of the time I’ll read josei or seinen now, much more often than I used to, and guess the fuck what I found one set in college last week.

So tldr, why high school? Target audience and memories of growth, primarily. Why is it sexualized? Because that’s the age you start discovering sexuality, and it’s very charged for both teens and adults in that context.

Are there also standard tropes like sexy loli stuff, yeah, manga is kind of a weird genre with that, but it probably comes down to more social context which I’m not going to try and get into— imo it’s literally just a symptom of saying the quiet part out loud, young girls are extremely sexualized in the west too.

Anyway rant over. Don’t like don’t read don’t come into my inbox throwing around blanket statements about how weird or suspicious a super common trope with years and years of context and thousands of works with various degrees of questionable content is.

Instead of “isn’t it kind of weird (weird means ew, I am distancing myself from this gross concept I’m being judgmental about), why do they even do this thing where there’s an obvious solution to this thing I personally perceive as a problem”, try to think about it or do research.

Coming from a place of compassion and understanding is more interesting! People have good or at least understandable reasons for what they do 90% of the time.

isnt seele 16?

I was about to answer “no” and leave it at that but I decided to battle misinformation and make myself clear

If you’re making a high school AU, then sure Seele would logically be a teenager. Just like if she’s in a, say, florist and tattoo artist AU, as a working adult, she would not be 16.

If you’re talking about canon, not only is she old enough to drive a motorcycle, she is a 2000 kid and it’s currently happening somewhere in 2018, definitely not 16.

So no, in the man-eating mermaid AU, be reassured she is definitely not 16. Man-eating mermaid Seele gives no indication that she is a minor, nor is she meant to read as a minor. She’s definitely munched on humans though.

(If it had been the case I would’ve probably mentioned it or tagged it Underage. I try to be thorough.)

[sparkthespork]

Hello, fandom. Let’s have a little chat about Sasha Waybright again shall we

In case anyone’s still really excited about that parents analysis post I teased forever ago, I’m aware that I’m getting down to the wire to have it out before Season 3 so it will come this week I promise.

As for this post, it’s not discourse exactly, but it’s something I’d like to bring attention to in the fandom before it becomes a big problem. Generally I don’t like talking about these things but I’ve seen no one else bring it up yet so I might as well.

With all that out of the way, I’m here to remind everyone that Sasha Waybright is in fact 13 years old. I’ve seen a growing number of people treating her like she’s much older and it’s getting a bit concerning.

I’m all for criticizing and analyzing character’s actions (heck I kinda live for it,) but lots of what I see about Sasha goes into demonization territory, believing that she is irredeemable and that Anne and Marcy and whoever else should cut her off forever.

I’m not entirely against the ending where they all separate if it’s more mutual and seen as the best for everyone, but the way it’s explained sometimes rubs me the wrong way as if Sasha only exists to be a two dimensional abusive friend when she’s not (the show wouldn’t even have episodes dedicated to her and how she’s feeling if that were the case.) It’s almost like cancelling a character, and I think it’s common sense to never cancel a child, since they’re growing up and need more guidance.

Granted, I see this done with Marcy too and that’s also a problem, but I’m happy to see a lot of people are talking about that already and don’t feel it needs my two cents. I bring up Sasha because frequently, people who use the “Marcy is just 13” defense (which I do agree with) will go after Sasha a post later like she’s not the same. I’ve seen her accused of screwing up Anne or Anne and Marcy’s friendship because she’s somehow inherently more powerful, as if she’s older.

Sasha definitely tries to act older than she is to be more powerful than she is, and I almost feel the fandom has almost fallen for that just as everyone in the actual show has, herself included. But as we see pretty concretely (I’m mostly thinking of Battle of the Bands,) what Sasha really wants is the typical connections and friendship that any other kid her age has, because she is a kid herself. It’s naturally a much more comfortable and fulfilling way to act for her to just have fun and do kid things.

I’m a little more forgiving of the younger audience that goes after her, because kids the same age as you who act like that can be intimidating or even frightening. They’re easy to feel pushed around by and not someone you should want to be close with. But I hope that the older audience can be a little more mature and recognize that she’s a 13 year old who shouldn’t be treated like an adult, or analyzed like she’s fully grown and stuck in her ways forever.

On top of this, I’m also seeing it go to the extent that Sasha is occasionally sexualized, not in an upfront grotesque way but in older fandom members crushing on her and saying she’s “hot.” I see art of Sasha, remember 13, posing in a pretty way that might be fine on its own but is captioned with something like “Please marry me!!!!! 😭” Then when I see who the artist is they’re 16 or 17 at the very least, often even older. I have yet to see this with Anne and Marcy, and I definitely think it’s connected to treating Sasha as an older teenager or adult in general analyses and rants as I mentioned. It might not seem crazy harmful at first but it leads to things like this.

I do see Sasha shipped with Grime too, although most of the fandom agrees this is wrong. Still, it happens far more often than any of the other girls getting shipped with their respective amphibians who are obviously older than them. All of it is gross and I’m kind of tired of Sasha being the exception just because she wants to act like an adult. She’s not more mature or more powerful or more anything, she’s 13.

Anyway, I’m super excited for season 3 and to read all your thoughts!!! But I’d really appreciate everyone keeping this in mind. Sasha Waybright’s a middle schooler, tell your friends.

[idk-my-aesthetic]

Ok the whole thing w/ clogging up ao3 tags is stupid for multiple reasons, like how it fucks with screen readers for one, but the MAJOR issue is that having too many tags isn’t actually a problem w/ ao3

Like seriously guys? There is a lot to criticize. And I say this as someone who heavily relied on fandom spaces to get me through some really really hard times and still loves ao3. I can say I love what it does for fandom while also acknowledging there’s some seriously fucked up shit going on both behind the scenes and with ppl who use the site. It’s literally like saying “I love tumblr but I acknowledge there are literal nazis on here and as a Jew/human with a working brain I hate them and that they’ve been here so long”

Like. I get u think ur sticking it to the man or whatever. And idk I partially agree bc. There’s so much nasty shit and some technically illegal shit that I don’t want to even mention! But ur not even wasting the moderators time or anything ur just being obnoxious and then everyone starts discoursing on tumblr and I’m legitimately tired of it. I don’t wanna see ppl defending gross stuff and I’m tired of talking about the ppl who do defend gross stuff bc I don’t wanna remember that they exist bc I have shit to do irl and not enough space in my brain for them

So. Idk ima propose at least a temporary solution before I have to hear one more argument for or against censorship bc y’all seriously don’t understand how to have a nuanced conversation

How about instead of asking AO3 to take down gross fics (which may or may not be morally correct but will 100% reopen a very over done conversation) instead we ask for some specific plausible things

1) when you use ao3 explicit and unrated fics are automatically filtered out. They do this on ff.net. Yes it may be like 2 extra clicks for ppl who wanna read explicit stuff but ppl who don’t are going to do that anyway, and it protects the people who don’t know to do that and don’t want to read graphic tags. Most importantly it requires consent to browse explicit fics. Yeah you need to give consent to read explicit stuff, but you can look through the incredibly graphic tags/summaries without consenting to anything. It’s literally the default. Which is both upsetting to ppl who don’t wanna see that and also maybe a bit of a legal loophole they should close up

2) a “suggest tags” feature. This would be moderated by authors not ao3 staff. Basically ppl can like..... idk entire a series of tags and you can choose if you want to add them or not. The person submitting them has an option to be anonymous or not. Obviously the author doesn’t have to add every random tag and it might be annoying but it would help with making sure triggers got tagged. It would be helpful if it didn’t let you suggest tags that were already suggested/on the fic but I’m not too picky. Like I said the point of this is to make sure ppl can block stuff properly, and it honestly might also help authors with visibility bc like. Obviously you know the tags you use but you don’t know what tags other ppl look for. Again maybe it may be obnoxious with ppl having a lot of tags but people already have a lot of tags

3) a dispute rating button. Now before someone bitches at me that the ao3 moderators don’t have time to go through disputes- I know I already took that into consideration. Basically the idea is when you dispute the rating the site will ask you what rating you think it should be and anonymously log it. So if someone rated something M but you think it should be an E the site will log that and send a message to the author. The author has a choice if they actually want to listen to ppl and change the rating or not. They don’t actually have to listen to the ppl disputing the rating. Unless they get a certain amount of disputes. I was thinking maybe like 50 or so?* So if 50 ppl say “hey this really needs to have a different rating” then and only then would the moderators take a look at the fic. And the moderators would then figure out what the rating should be.

(*idk if 50 is the right #. I was thinking it should maybe work on like a percentage of your hits in the fic?)

3.5) have a sexual content marker. This is marked as 3.5 bc i feel like this idea if implemented would be misused. But yeah in theory you could just have a sexual content marker that could be clicked by the OP and then automatically filtered. Again you could use the system from #3 but again I feel like ppl would missuse it.

Anyway yeah. I wanted to give some viable solutions ppl on both sides might actually agree with. Like I get not wanting to make concessions with gross ppl, but it’s a lot faster so I’m ok with doing it for now while the rest of y’all continue to debate or w/e

Final note- please for the love of g-d learn how ratings work. Ask someone else’s opinion if you have too. I have seen so many explicit fics marked as mature or teen it’s a legitimate problem. I’ll give a quick rundown of what each rating means but pls guys

General- g- basically go by what you’d see in a Disney cartoon

Teen- pg/pg 13 - there are swears there’s violence, sex may be mentioned, you might call someone sexy or smthn idc, but no one is shown having sex or or discussing/thinking about it in detail

Mature- R - injuries/gore may be described with more detail. Uhh there could be some heavy making out and the characters might talk about sex or feeling sexually attracted to someone. But actual sex is not shown!! If you have to mention or refer to someone’s genetalia in any sexual way you should probably move it up to an E. Even if ur characters are fully clothed the entire time. Also If you’re talking about kinks outside of a quick joke or reference you should probably move it up to an E.

Explicit- NC 17- sexually explicit content. (You can put non-sexual violent stuff under here but most ppl leave it under mature)

TLDR/oversimplification(for the ratings) -

General: nothing sexual

Teen: implied sex

Mature: refrenced sex

Explicit: shown sex

General tldr:

Some criticisms of Ao3 are valid and needed, and some are just stupid and infuriating (specifically talking about the tag thing stop it’s annoying and ableist). There is constant arguments and drama surrounding those criticisms, and I decided to offer some solutions that actually have a chance at getting implemented, even if I would prefer a different option.

[delusion-of-negation]

top 10 (ish) ridiculous or annoying FAQs:

(click at your own discretion)

1) "kids today rely on others to do everything"

ah yes, damn those participation trophies! if it wasn't for them my hands wouldn't be fucked, and I wouldn't need people to write for me. but seriously, stop reading boomer comics, and go outside to meet some actual young people.

2) "sus that a non-american says mom"

yeah, because it's clearly the superior version, and I'm not too patriotic to concede a defeat.

3) "sweaty, the victims of abuse by catholics are real people, stop appropriating their pain just because you want to hate catholics; plus teachers abuse people just as often anyway"

so firstly, I don't hate anybody. and secondly, regarding the fact that victims really do exist, [insert "of course I know him, he's me" meme here]; although I don't often talk much about the abuse I went through or what my religious beliefs are. but, more importantly, statements like "survivors are people" can be phrased like "some people are survivors", and when you're unable to act according to the latter (like when you don't even consider that somebody might be one) then you display a failure to recognise the former - you're projecting; a survivor can't be appropriating their own pain, but you can be appropriating it to silence one. and thirdly, teachers do abuse - the problem isn't and has never been purely religion, rather that abuse is often done by somebody in a position of trust, power, and familiarity; and that the lack of a global minimum enables totally legal abuse on top of the illegal stuff. people with access and respect have more opportunity to abuse than those without, and that goes for teachers too. but, once again, you can be appropriating the pain of survivors to deflect and silence people. please remember this before you say that shit.

4) "get help/therapy"

way ahead of you - years ahead of you. but it's not magic - people who say this often act as if you'll start behaving differently overnight. not only are some things simply beyond the ability of talking therapy to completely rectify, it also takes time and has to be selective. you've got to pick your priorities, and that's definitely not whatever ship or joke you're mad at me about today. therapy is a slow, arduous process that can't guarantee results - it isn't "anti-recovery" to recognise that, it's honesty. while I've been in therapy for a long time, it is not necessarily going to change whatever you don't like about me - whether that's because it can't, because my focus now is on more important or urgent things, or because I don't want to change that.

5a) "tell your family you ship incest, see how that goes; normal people find it disgusting"

actually, some know, and they're fine with it. in fact, one prefers sibling pairings in fiction to all other dynamics because, to paraphrase, "it's a deeper level of messed up co-dependence". so unfortunately for you, my remaining family (by which I mean those not dead or cut out of my life after abuse and so forth) actually are able to distinguish between fiction and reality. plus, my reasoning for caring if they find it gross or not pertains only to recommending books and such - their opinions do not dictate my tastes.

5b) "don't sexualise/appropriate incestuous abuse" and "I bet you enjoyed being raped" and other attempts to upset me over 5a

firstly, as I've already said here, survivors can't be appropriating ourselves. in addition, you're not owed people's history or trauma - it's not okay to require people's personal information, or else you'll send anon hate and accusations of appropriation. secondly, I'm not sexualising our abuse (not just because I write horror, and so a lot of my writing is intended to be creepy, not sexy); these stories aren't about us, they're not us at all. entire dynamics/people (fictional or otherwise) aren't all going to be applicable to us or identical to us, just because they have something in common with us; they're not us and they're not accountable to us. thirdly, the fact that people send this stuff (attempting to trigger people's trauma over ships) is so much more worrying to me than somebody making our communal imaginary friends kiss. you're trying to hurt people. and finally, to the "I bet you enjoyed it" crowd (if you're at all serious): do you think you'd enjoy being in a real zombie apocalypse, alone, afraid, and really at risk of being eaten alive? a fictional scenario does not feel remotely the same as a real one. this isn't rocket science - things that look like you aren't you; fiction isn't reality; don't send anon hate. (edit: comparable "just leave me alone, I'm not hurting anyone" sentiments for yandere stuff, and anything else you decide I'm naughty for.)

6) "you'll be sent off to do manual labour once your communist revolution happens"

while I don't know why people think that I'm a communist, a dictatorial regime probably isn't going to want me to do manual labour. they're more likely to just shoot me; I'm useless and a liability. call me crazy, but something tells me that "ah yes, we shall give ze deranged cripple ze power tools" isn't the communist position.

7a) "they/them can't be singular pronouns"

yes they can, and they're used as such in both shakespeare and the bible. but you don't have to say this - I'm also okay with he/him, so you could've just used those and chilled out. also, do I look like somebody who views the rules of grammar as fully immutable and imperative?

7b) "enbies/aros/pan/etc aren't valid"

do you really think that you're going to change any hearts or minds by putting that in my ask box or under my funny maymays? chill out, it's not worth the effort - you could be planning a party (in minecraft) and having fun instead. it isn't worth my time to rant at everybody who's saying something isn't valid, updating how I'm explaining it as my opinions grow and general discourse around it evolves; I'm just who I am, somebody else is who they are - why bicker in presumptuous ways about if that's enough? it ultimately is valid, in my opinion, but that isn't an invitation to keep demanding that I debate. (edit: old posts of mine probably don't phrase things incredibly, on this or anything... I tried.)

8) "what are your politics?"

my politics are informed first and foremost by the knowledge that I'm not cut out to be some kind of leader - I don't want to be the guy who tells everyone else what to do, I just offer what seem to me like valid criticisms of how we are doing things now, and general pointers on the values and ethics that I would prefer to move towards. things like individual freedom, taking the most pacifist route where possible, trying not to give excessive power to small groups of people (governments or corporations), helping those in need even when they're not palatable, and letting me suck loads of dicks. but please refrain from decreeing me something - there's not enough information in what I said, so you'll just be filling in the blanks with assumptions. (edit: workplace democracy seems cool to me; benefits are good; fair fines and taxes; and the "sperm makes you loopy" saga: 1, 2, 3, and 4.)

9) "you're a narcissist"

no, I don't meet the diagnostic criteria. joking on the internet that you're hot doesn't make a person a narcissist. the fact that I've chosen to keep my actual self-esteem issues to myself is not proof that they don't exist - you're just not entitled to that information about me. but it's also not narcissism to really like how you look. (edit: don't throw labels around carelessly too.)

10a) "kin list?"

the fabric of the universe, a zombie, dionysus, maned wolf/arctic fox hybrid, a comedian, big gay, big rock, ambiguously partial insincerity. (edit: kin list may or may not be incomplete.)

10b) "kin isn't valid/that's just being insane"

haven't we established that I'm deranged, and that sending stuff like this on anon is simply a waste of your precious time? besides, I do not care if it's invalid or insane - it's fun, I'm happy. (edit: see 7b for my opinion on sending me yet another ask with "that's invalid" in it; I'm not in the mood to discuss the nature of validity.)

bonus: "it gets better" and "trigger list?"

as I've said before, things just don't always get better for everyone - sometimes things can't be cured or even treated, sometimes they kill you; in some cases it could get better if not for a blockade or lack of time. the world is messy. it needs to be more normalised to reassure or comfort people without relying on saying that their issue will get better or be cured. it does suck to be this ill, but it also sucks to be made out to be a lazy pessimist, just because I have the audacity to not play along. and as for the trigger list, I don't like providing people with an easily accessed list of ways to hurt my feelings or harm me - upsetting me is supposed to be challenging, and thus rewarding. if you want a cheat sheet then you're out of luck, I'm afraid.

bonus #2: "FAQ stands for frequently asked questions, it doesn't need that s at the end!"

yeah, I know, I just enjoy chaos and disarray.

bonus #3 (edit): "what are your disabilities and how exactly are they incurable and/or deadly?"

again, I don't tell the internet everything about me, especially when it poses a risk, especially not as an easily accessible list for you to refer back to whenever you feel inclined to hurt my feelings. that is understandably a sore subject. (edit: that includes physical health issues btw.)

bonus #4 (edit): "so we shouldn't be critical?"

if it wasn't clear from my answer about politics or my post in general, you can have opinions about things, and you can voice that. it's just not realistic to exist at extremes: to think that you alone should dictate what exists in fiction, or to think that people shouldn't be expressing disdain or criticism of any calibur. say how you feel about things, that's fine, but it's also fine if people find that they don't value your input. plus we're all flawed, we can all be hypocritical from time to time, we all get bitchy, and we all make mistakes, or even knowingly fuck things up. that's important to keep in mind, whether we're talking about the one being criticised or the one doing the criticising - poor choices of words, imperfect tone, or contradictory ideas are inevitably going to happen occasionally.

congrats on reaching the end! if you have, at any point, said one of these to me, you owe a hug to your nearest loved one (once it's safe).

edit: might add more links/bonus points in the future when I think of things, but it's late now. (sorry for links where prior notes in the thread have my old url, that may get a tad confusing; also, not all links are my blog or my op, since it is to illustrate points/vibes, not to self-promo.)

[sage-nebula]

Hello! I know that it is not actually a pokemon type so to speak but I'm staring down an essay deadline with less than half the word count. Would you mind talking about your favourite pokemon that is a dog or canine? Like the pokemons that are also dogs? Does that make sense? Sorry I'm very sleep deprived right now. Thank you so much for always being such a lovely presence on my dash and I hope you have a brilliant day!

Thank you for the compliments, and I would be glad to talk about some of my favorite PokéCanines! I’ll talk about all of my favorite canine pokémon, though please do note that I am leaving out the Ecruteak Trio because it is hotly debated whether they are canines or not and I do not feel like getting into that tonight. (For the record, I feel that Entei is definitely canine, Raikou is feline, and Suicune is too hard to tell, but still, I don’t want to get into it, so I will leave it at that.)

Growlithe / Arcanine — Probably my favorite of the canines for personal, sentimental reasons. When I imagined my previous dog in the Pokémon world, I imagined her as a Growlithe who would evolve into an Arcanine, because the PokéWorld doesn’t have a sheltie pokémon and I felt that the fluff and warmth of Growlithe fit her best, along with the ‘Dex descriptions of them being very loyal and willing to do anything to protect their trainer. My previous dog was exactly like that. But I also feel that Arcanine would be just such a wonderful pokémon to be companions with because they are gigantic, fire-breathing fluffy puppies, and riding them across the countryside would be AMAZING. (Not that I live in the countryside, but I do live in the midwest, so the plains are everywhere and not hard to find.) They’re just so good.

Smeargle — Okay, I will admit, Smeargle loses some points for being bipedal. HOWEVER. They gain those points back by virtue of how cool they are! While they’re not very useful in battle, sadly, due to low stats and the like, Smeargle are cool because each Smeargle has a different color paint (it’s not really paint, more a bodily fluid they use like paint, but close enough), and that as they grow up they let other Smeargle that they are close put their pawprints on their back. (So in other words, Smeargle A let’s Smeargle B use Smeargle B’s ink to put Smeargle B’s pawprints on Smeargle A’s back.) The ‘Dex always says “comrades,” but listen . . . we know what it means when two Smeargle have each other’s pawprints on their back. They are in love. 

Houndour / Houndoom — ACTUAL HELLHOUNDS, THEY ARE GREAT. True, the fact that their breath smells like sulfur is kind of gross, but their design and concept are so incredibly cool, and I also just absolutely love the mental image of a Houndour puppy having gigantic paws they have yet to grow into. It’s just the absolute cutest. I also like to imagine that my current dog would be a mixed-breed Houndour and Poochyena in the PokéWorld, so there’s that, too.

Flareon & Umbreon — Listen, some of the Eeveelutions look like felines, some of them look like canines, and others (such as Jolteon) make it really hard to tell. But I’m convinced that Flareon and Umbreon are both canines, and I love them both. FIRST of all, Flareon DOES NOT deserve the hate it gets. It is small and soft and so incredibly warm, it CAN be useful in battle, and most importantly, FLAREON WAS NOT THE FALSE PROPHET AND DID NOTHING WRONG, EVERYONE WHO HATED FLAREON DURING TPP SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES. If you don’t know what I’m talking about there, you don’t need to know about it, but just know that Flareon had a lot of libel posted about it and it was completely unacceptable. As for Umbreon, Umbreon is the Eeveelution I connect with the most given that I am naturally nocturnal, and I love how its rings grow stronger depending on what phase the moon is in. Shiny Umbreon is also choice. They’re definitely the best two Eeveelutions (though Espeon is also up there, sorry Espeon, although Espeon is also one of the feline ones and so shouldn’t be discussed here anyway).

Poochyena / Mightyena — As discussed in another ask, technically hyenas are not canines (or felines), but I’m still going to include them here because the localization team at the very least thought that Poochyena looked like a puppy (“pooch”), hence its name. I LOVE these two. Although my Mightyena ended up underperforming in AlphaSapphire, I’ve always loved the scruffy look contrasted with how loving and puppylike they can be. Also, again, I like to think of my current dog as a mixed breed Houndour/Poochyena, so there’s that, too.

Absol — Absol is another contested one, but I always thought Absol looked canine to me, so I’m going to count it. Absol is wonderful because it not only has a super cool design (though could also benefit from a dual typing, I feel), but also because this is another poor baby who has had so much unfortunate slander spread about it. Absol just wants to help! Absol wants to warn people! And people decide that instead of being grateful, they want to blame the messenger!! Absol does not deserve this at all, and the world likewise does not deserve Absol. That is a fact.

Lillipup / Herdier / Stoutland — Before anyone says anything, NO, these are not shelties. Lillipup is more like a yorkshire terrier, and while Herdier and Stoutland seem like they could be herding dogs of some kind (it’s even in Herdier’s name), I can assure you they do not resemble shelties. More like they resemble oversized yorkies. REGARDLESS, I loved them. Lillipup is adorable, so is Herdier, and while Stoutland is less cute and more gruff, it is also an absolute BEAST. BW confused me because I always took Cheren down easily, but Bianca regularly fucked up my shit with her Stoutland. (And yet they tried to make Stoutland Cheren’s ace in the sequels, smh . . .) My Stoutland was also very reliable. Very good doggos, 10/10

Rockruff / Lycanroc — WOLVES!!! FINALLY WOLVES!!! oh my GOD I waited SEVEN GENERATIONS for this!! To be fair, when I was a child I mistook MIghtyena for a wolf because of the coloring and the fact that it looked like a canine, but as I got older I learned the truth and was back to being disappointed. And while the fact that this line is pure rock (which has a million weaknesses) is disappointing, and while I’m also not fond of Midnight Form being bipedal, I can forgive it because we finally have wolves AND ALSO Rockruff is adorable and perfect AND ALSO because so is Midday Form. Plus, despite rock-type having so many weaknesses, my Midday Lycanroc is pretty strong, so. It works out.

Yamper / Boltund — Okay, I will level with you: a corgi evolving into a greyhound is kind of weird. Also, I do question why they used yorkshire terriers in Unova when they should have saved them for Galar, and instead maybe had like, American bull terriers (a.k.a. pitbulls) in Unova instead (although I guess some could argue that Snubbul / Granbull are pitbulls, but I disagree, I think they look more like English bulldogs than pitbulls). Regardless though, anyone who says that Yamper is anything other than adorable does not have eyes (the puppy has a heart on its butt), and also they are the GOODEST of puppers in how they bring your pokéballs back to you. And while it took me a bit to get used to Boltund, my Boltund, Poppy, is AMAZING and  love her very, very much. This line is great and I love them. ♥

Zacian & Zamazenta — FINALLY, SOME LEGENDARY WOLVES!! And not only are they legendary wolves, but one has a tuft of fur it can turn into a shield around its neck and the other CARRIES A SWORD IN ITS MOUTH, HOW BADASS IS THAT. I do get a little annoyed when people call them doggos when they are actually wolfos, but that doesn’t change how excited I was to have some legendary wolves at last, particularly ones dedicated to beating up hellspawn from space. I love them, they are beautiful, 10/10.

So those are my favorite canine pokémon!! If anyone disagrees with any of these pokémon being canines, I do not care and I do not want to fight about it, please do not send discourse my way. And as a final note, here are two lists of future canines / dog breeds I hope to see in future gens:

Dog Breeds: SHELTIES, miniature schnauzers, Italian greyhounds, German shepherds, Siberian huskies, dachshunds, shiba inu, some kind of spaniel, chihuahua (and it HAS to be fighting-type, it HAS to), and many others. You can never have too many doggos.

I also have to have one more final grievance at the fact that we didn’t get shelties in Galar either considering that sheltie is a nickname for shetland sheepdog, and this breed of dog ORIGINATED IN SCOTLAND, which at least part of Galar (particularly the Crown Tundra) was inspired by, ffs Game Freak why did you miss this opportunity. 

Wild Canines: Maned wolves, African wolf, African wild dog, dingos, coyotes, and just more wolves in general, honestly. I would say more foxes too, but we already have several fox lines, and while I wouldn’t say no to them, I want to see more wolves get attention first.

Anyway, thanks for asking!! I love Pokémon and I love canines, so this was a fun ask!

[qqueenofhades]

I love the term militant idealism from your last post. I wonder how you think about the ongoing removal of names on buildings and statues as Americans become woke about eugenics, systemic racism and sexism, and other fuck ups across white American history?

A couple years ago in August 2017, at the height of the furor over removing Confederate statues/imagery from public places, and after the Charlottesville white supremacist riots, I wrote this post in response to a similar question. It outlined extensively what the rationale for the “we should preserve history and keep those statues up!!!” defense is (i.e. racism and systematic amnesia). My position hasn’t changed much, and I think it demonstrates the depths of white fragility in this country and the utter inability of white Americans to think about what their history really consists of and what the construction of this geopolity has entailed, apart from all the fuzzy feel-good stuff and giant flags and slogans about Freedum!! and so forth. We… we realize that we live in a hyper-capitalist fasciso-patriotic militarized nightmare land, right? The giant flags and flyovers and the fact that the entire month of November in the National Football League is now “Salute to Service,” after they couldn’t stand one black man taking a knee for the national anthem? Where coaches wear camo on the sidelines and everyone acts like they actually give a crap about veterans aside from their use as convenient propaganda? We… we know this isn’t normal, right?

See, I do think there is a useful application and a genuine need for militant idealism. It just isn’t in throwing slogans or personal attacks at each other on the Twitter echo chamber, or any argument at all on social media about politics, culture, entertainment, fictional ships, etc. Most people picking fights on social media really aren’t doing a whole fuck of a lot of anything useful in the real world. The internet has brought a lot of use into our lives, and indeed we cannot function without it, which is a little terrifying (turn off the internet for 24 hours across the entire world and welp, nice knowing you civilization). But it’s also morphed into a giant, ravenous beast that you really, really have to approach with caution in a whole different way from the “oh no you might meet a pedophile” panics of the 90s. (And I mean, there are still trash men everywhere, so it’s just with extra Terrible now. Winning?) You are not going to change this overwhelming, violent, omnipresent system by holding hands, playing nice, and singing Kumbaya. Sometimes, a little violence and militancy is needed in return. You need to stand up and play hard and not back down. And since the general liberal ethos is that “violence is always bad!!!/if you use violence you’re Just As Bad As Them!!!”, that is cut off and stigmatized in the name of social order.

The thing is, this is the first time in American history that there has been even any kind of visible and sustained public debate on whether these things that we’ve just all gone with for so long are actually acceptable. That’s why we have “OK Boomer” and similar movements, because young people are taking a long hard look at what they’ve been left with and are understandably being like are you fucking kidding me. But as I have also been discussing, a certain subset of young people are also extremely insistent on having the Right Opinion and Only The Right Opinion, and that demonstrating any uncertainty or looking like they’re not sufficiently Woke is Unacceptable. This is why I can never get students to talk in class. They have been raised in a culture where they will be mercilessly punished for being Wrong, and it’s hard to conceptualize a space, i.e. a university classroom, where you’re allowed to start at zero and work your way up with dialogue and engagement. That just isn’t how it works anymore, and frankly, we have to blame social media for a lot of it. Especially when combined with CEOs (why yes, I am looking at you, Twitter not banning Nazis and just all of Mark Zuckerberg) who are more willing to cater to the alt-right in the name of “freedom” than to enforce any kind of standards for public discourse or try to tell 21st-century Americans that they can’t have something they want. Our society is built on the maxim that All Consumption Is Good Consumption, Consume More Now. And… that’s a problem.

I feel like I may be getting away from the point of what exactly you asked, but these things are all interconnected. If someone is going to actually translate internet outrage to real-world action, and actually put some skin in the game and fight against the terrifying normalization of these narratives: please. We need more people to do that. But real life is scary in a way that the internet isn’t. You might face immediate consequences for something. You might have someone tell you that you’re wrong and you can’t just block or mute them. How do you change someone’s mind without the two of you just yelling pithy, polarized slogans at each other? It’s fuckin’ hard work. So it’s easier to just retweet someone that you agree with, to other people who agree with you. And so the cycle goes.

Obviously, I 100% support any and all efforts to bring to the collective American conscience just how fucked up American history actually is. But I sometimes worry that the shortcomings in the methods used to do so make it easier for the tired old class of establishment bigots to dismiss as “snowflakes.” After all, I’ve just been ripping into the self-righteous infighting and tendency to rigid ideological purity and insularism in the left, and… what do we do about that? I don’t know. We can’t just immediately remove people from the entire contextualising framework in which they’ve grown up and made meaning and understood themselves. We can try to educate them, but presenting people who have already made up their minds with conflicting information really does not do much. It usually makes them double down on the positions they already hold, because they can feel unfairly victimized by the people who Just Don’t Get It. It can oftentimes feel hopeless, but we have to do it anyway.

So yes. We should take down statues of Confederate generals. This goes without saying. The “we shouldn’t pretend it never happened” defense is functional only to a point. As I said in the other post, Confederate statues can go into storage. They don’t have to be destroyed, if it’s really so vital that we keep them. But their enforced presence in public life is an act of white supremacist violence, and their defenders know it. Besides, how about, uh, we try goddamn being able to talk about what the Confederacy really stood for first, instead of clinging to it as a token that is specifically intended to deflect public debate or constructive discourse on the issue?

This also reminds me of the recent backlash happening on historic plantations in the South. These are often beautiful manor houses with grounds, and they are tourist attractions. They are also, brace yourself for grossness, popular locations for weddings. (I don’t know why, but White People.) The tour guides at these places have finally been empowered to talk somewhat more honestly about how all this beauty was built by slave labor, and white tourists hate it. They tie themselves into knots about how slavery wasn’t that bad or how the Civil War was about “states’ rights” or why are you bringing this up now, that was Just What Our Bad Ancestors Did. This… this is the level we are still at. It’s bad. The white tourists seem to feel that they can go to, again, a plantation in the South and just enjoy the beauty and not to be “forced” to hear about slavery. It spoils the illusion. They want to keep living this way, so they throw fits, and why shouldn’t they? The entire establishment of this country thus far has supported them. It threatens their whole identity. It must be destroyed. And I just… sigh.

Anyway. This has gotten away from me, and I’m still not sure if I answered your question. Sorry. But there you have it.

[realisaonum]

Spread the love; be generous with your authors

Several people have asked me what happened to my fics, and for a while, I wasn't sure I even wanted to post a public explanation of what happened, since I have a feeling my reasoning might start Discourse or some crap. However, considering as it’s Thanksgiving and I have already received two asks today over this issue I felt like it might be time to break the silence, because the irony of that was just too much honestly.....[continue reading below the cut]

Before I get into it, I want to say: I am not interested in anyone’s explanations or reasoning for not commenting. Nor do I want their opinion on my decision to take either of my a/k fics down. There is a reason I didn’t make an announcement they would be deleted. Nor is it a cry for attention. It’s not meant to start a discussion. This is not a decision that can be shifted by one or two folks suddenly pretending to give a shit about my feelings now that they have been negatively effected. We’ve all made our choices. It is what it is. I will not be reposting either story. Having said that…..

I’ve spent three years of my life working on these two stories. Over that time, I have gathered a small, dedicated following. I’ve received thoughtful engagement with a lot of my updates of BRM and AK and that’s kept me going in the face of increasing hatred of the source text.

Until part iv.

Of all my adamk fic, this update undoubtedly had the poorest response and it’s not just because it was too long for people to read. I know people read it. They told me. And then….just chose not to elaborate on that.

It might sound a bit bitchy to tally up the number of comments I get and compare their content, but I want to see people engage with my story—and let’s be real there was a lot of part iv to engage with. So when a majority of responses—not just comments on ao3 but other places with people I consider good friends—consisted of basically two sentences telling me they loved it and that it was great or they finished it in one sitting; I was surprised. This is not real engagement. Frankly, only four people gave me a substantive response to part iv of AK.

I had so many people come tell me they had finished it and that it was great and...nothing else. No elaboration about their favorite interaction, not what scene resonated most with them, not even what they didn’t like….Of course, I knew it was a very long section of story to read. It was a lot to process and, like my taking so long to write the story in the first place, I figured if I wanted a thoughtful engagement with what I wrote I would need to be patient.

Only—aside from one very wonderful comment that came a few weeks after I published—that hoped for thoughtful engagement never came.

For several weeks, I had been trying not to look at my feelings about this lack of response head on, because I knew I would only feel let down and frustrated to put it euphemistically. I ask for comments every time I post, but frankly there are only so many ways to ask readers to comment without it becoming debasing. Why should I have to beg for something readers on any fanfiction site should be doing anyway? Complaining about a lack of response or threatening readers to take it down like some kind of mercurial child is embarrassing. Besides, comments written under that kind of duress hardly mean the same as when a reader writes to the author under their own volition.

But I spent a long time working on part iv. I really struggled with sections of it. It was a lot of work and I am very proud of it. I know it has some of my best writing in it and some of the most moving scenes for the characters as well. There was no way this part, where there were so many subplots, so many highs and lows for the characters, so much promise of what was to come, didn’t have something there to resonate with readers. So then they just couldn’t be bothered to tell me their thoughts—which is unacceptable. It was 111k; that’s novel length. It was a novel for free! I spent a year and a half trying to get this right and they can’t spend ten more minutes to write a few sentences about what struck them? Excuse me for expecting too much apparently.

Until a month and a half ago, I never understood why a fic author would delete their work, even if they weren’t gonna finished the piece. But staring down the barrel of two more years of writing (optimistically) to get the last three parts of AK done, only to get a similar—and in my opinion very un-giving—response to something I have dedicated so much of my life and soul to was untenable. Despite all the work I had already put into writing upcoming scenes for AK and BRM and loving them both dearly, I could not in good conscience do that.

This kind of hit and run reading behavior is something I associate with published fiction, not fandom. Knowing people sped read through it and then didn’t take a fraction of that time to communicate their feelings about what they had just read made me feel really gross. Considering how much time I dedicate to writing, when my primary feelings towards my work are of being taken advantage of by my readers, that is not a good place to dwell. It is an especially not good place to dwell when I hate the source text with the passion of twenty-billion burning suns. Clearly, how betrayed I feel about this is not particularly healthy and obviously I need to step away from fandom culture for a bit. So that is what I am doing. I am trying not to be bitter and give myself the space to grieve my two stories because I won’t be finishing them in their original glory.

Now all these people are coming out of the woodwork to demand where my stories went, when they sure as fuck didn’t have anything to say to me when they were still on ao3. I find this to be monumentally disrespectful. I spent a year and a half working very hard on something none of you felt the need to share (with me) that you engaged with in any real sense; you all should know why I took it down. That un-engagement was a clear demonstration to me that you did not care about the effort it took for me to write my fics and that I should be doing something else with my time. 

Do you see how ridiculous it is to come talk to me over the stories being deleted when you had nothing real to say when they were up? That's a pretty shitty kind of irony.

Look, I know I’m a good writer. That kind of validation was never what I was asking for. What I wanted to know is what specifically in my writing affected you. I am really not interested in the excuse 'you loved it, but didn’t know what else to say.’ As if I myself didn’t struggle with writing some of my story? Of course I did, but I made an effort and I found a way through it. There are more than enough guides on the internet to help improve a person’s commenting. If you gave a shit, you’d have found a way to communicate how you really felt. Since all these folks know where to find me on tumblr they should be able to find them even easier since I reblog a lot of conversation about this! In case you missed it, here is my tag for supporting authors:  https://realisaonum.tumblr.com/tagged/spread-the-love%3B-be-generous-with-your-authors Oh my! I know we say it a lot but fandom artists and fic authors do their work for free—for the love of it, usually. Ideally, that kind of passion—especially with the preoccupation of monetizing EVERYTHING—should be met with a similar enthusiasm. Unbridled geeking is kind of the definition of fandom in the first place. I don’t understand why people have been moving away from that. 

Spread the love; be generous with your authors.

Now I am not singling anyone out, obviously. By ‘you’ I mean the general you. It is not the actions or inactions of any one person, but an issue with the collective fandom. For whatever reason, it has become alright to just not comment on fic—including fic you all apparently really fucking enjoy????????? Well, hey, you could have fooled me. Like I said, it is what it is. You all wanted to know why I deleted, so I am here to tell you that kind of behavior affects writers negatively. Shocker.

tl;dr - Folks who don’t comment on a 111k chapter should already know why it was deleted. 

Everyone who has the gall to come at me now that my stuff’s gone when they had nothing real to say when it was posted might want to take a hard look at their life choices because that shit, it ain’t cool.

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

What happened to the sunset lesbian flag?

i just explained this in private to a friend so i don’t want to get Too into it, but i’ll give you the quick-ish vers? also none of this will be sourced but i’m not gonna make shit up, if anything’s wrong i just misremembered so just shout in the comments.

also before anyone starts shit, if you hadnt already pieced this together, im a lesbian. i am fully within my rights to talk about this, bc this is an issue with my own community. dont call me lesbophobic for calling this out bc there are real problems here and we as a community need to acknowledge that

general reasons not to like it:

-it’s based off the lipstick flag. if you’re not aware, the whole reason we started doing this search for a new flag is because the creator of the lipstick flag is really really gross. like aggressively racist, biphobic, iirc butchphobic too. and also the flag design was stolen, apparently. and basing our new community flag, that’s explicitly meant to be moving Away from that, on that flag? is really really nasty! 

-it’s hard to make merch for which was also an issue w/ the lipstick flag (shocking! what! there are issues associated with the lipstick flag that carried over to a flag based on it?? gasp! who could have seen this coming??) this is basically bc it needs different shades of colors, which can be hard to find if you’re making physical stuff. especially for people who handmake their merch and need to buy fabric/yarn and have to color check each fabric against the others they’re using to make sure it’s not too close but not too far. deeply frustrating!

-the creator’s kinda sketchy. i’ve been trying to dodge this discourse bc it makes me feel like shit so i havent totally kept up on this but she used to be an ace exclusionist, kinda-sorta backed off when her flag got popular and people pointed that out (which in and of itself is kinda shitty like? did you actually change your views or did you just not wanna get called out bc it sounds like the latter!). and also something about copyright law i don’t really remember. and the way she uses her flag’s popularity for money is just kinda :/ to me. 

reasons i personally don’t like it:

-almost all the cases where this flag is used and promoted, are cases where either 

a) someone’s trying to force a merch creator to sell this flag. which is gross gross no thank you nasty. i mean like calling them lesbophobic, borderline slandering, and trying to shut them down if they decline selling this flag. which the creators are fully within their rights to do bc as i said above it’s a hard flag to make merch for. also let people sell what the fuck ever they want? even if it didn’t have merch issues, don’t tell people what to do with their own shop. 

b) it’s being used by someone who explicitly wants to exclude people from the lesbian community. so people against nb lesbians, trans women, aspec ppl, so on and so forth. it should go without saying that banding under a flag that was, first and foremost, adopted by exclusionists and gatekeepers? is not great. 

-also if you’ve been a lesbian on tumblr, you may have noticed that it’s been fucking forced on everyone and defined as “the flag” and all other alternatives got thrown out and this makes me so fucking angry every time i think about it and. anyway. thats most of the reason im so touchy about this. bc i am sick and tired of having to repeat myself into the void and my only response being more people trying to shove this piece of garbage down my throat. i do not want it. i do not like it. fuck off. [im editing this post bc i want to make it really really clear how gross this is. this flag doesn’t represent the entire community. do not act like it does. do not present it as The lesbian flag. you are forcing people to define their community by something they hate. you are disgusting.]

[herefortheace]

Masterpost: People in “Ace Discourse” DO Hate Aces and Aros

And it’s despicable and scary and it needs to stop.

I’ve made most of this post before, but I’m creating a new one because 1) I didn’t expect how long it would get and failed to include a by now much needed “read more” at any point and 2) tumblr won’t let me update the old post anymore via reblogging.

So before I copy the old links and add new ones, a not so brief explanation of why this is necessary.

People, for some reason, after years of blatant evidence to the contrary still claim “ace discourse” has NOTHING to do with anyone hating aces and aros, that not even a single person involved (or anywhere) does. By blatant evidence for people here hating aces and aros, I mean everything from pathologizing our identities to comparing us all to violent misogynists and white supremacists to wishing harm and death on us. Yet the anti-ace/aro crowd will claim we’re just making it all up because we’re hysterical liars who “wanna be oppressed”. It’s a blatant and nasty silencing tactic, but sadly not ineffective because people fall for that shit.

Which is why I originally made this post and am now making it again.

A too influential bunch of people on this site have spun a wild narrative wherein aces and aros are this super privileged group of people who essentially can’t be harmed and whom it’s therefore funny to treat like shit. They also act, over and over, as though asexuality and aromanticsm are some sort of evil idoelogy rather than minority orientations.

A lot of us - most of us I see around - belong to various oppressed groups, but the anti-ace/aro crowd has worked hard to erase that, because it becomes very obvious very fast that it’s not funny to sexualize aces and aros or compare us to Trump or claim our orientations give us an “oppression fetish” when you keep in mind who exactly they are saying it to (I’ve spoken at length about the anti-ace/aro crowd’s efforts to erase aces and aros of color and how they make me furious as a WoC here, but you’ll find plenty proof among the links below). This is not just incredible bullshit, but harms especially the most marginalized of us.

As does the more general willingness of the anti-ace/aro crowd to throw misogyny, racism, ableism and all sorts of bigotry around as a weapon against us. A ton of the links here contain some seriously dehumanizing shit.

Whatever else you may believe, asexuality and aromanticism as identities do not confer any social privilege and do not make people impervious to or deserving of harm. And frankly I should not need to say this.

But apparently I do, and I also (after all this time still) need to prove we’re not just making it all up for attention or to trick people, so here we go. I’m mostly copying the old parts (1-8) of the list as-is because I don’t have time for anything else. Also, while my point definitely isn’t that every single person involved loathes aces and aros, this crap didn’t suddenly come into an already existing “ace discourse” (by that name) either - it’s a huge part of how it got started and was a deliberate move by many to make it gain traction.

This is by no means a complete list, but the shit the anti-ace/aro crowd on this site has pulled includes:

Comparing aces and aros to Trump  (and pretending this is funny)

Comparing aces to Pence 

Comparing aces to Ronald Reagan (and pretending this is funny)

Comparing aces to a literal slave owner

Making fun of aces not being accepted by their parents and of aces finding this upsetting (making it into a crytyping “joke”)

Making aces feel shitty/shaming them for telling their parents they’re ace because it’s supposedly “unnecessary”

Saying if we tell family about being ace, it’s no wonder if they send us to therapy

Doing their best to sexualize the orientations of aces, in so many cases. The link before these two is also connected to that. They treat our orientations like (graphic) details about “our sex lives”, frequently acting like if we want to talk about them ever we’re gross/creepy

This one is also “nice” re sexualizing aces (one of many examples of ppl also engaging in sex-shaming while they’re at it, saying only one’s partner should know anything about one’s “relationships with sex”. Except this person goes kinda even further)

More sexualization, when I say this freaks me out as a WoC, I’m told this white person gives no fucks and wants me to be miserable

Another person who says the identities of aces but also of aros need to stay between them and their Partners because they’re “TMI” and inherently sex-shaming somehow

Oh yeah did I mention, much the same with sexualizing aros and ppl frequently link our identities to misogyny and to using people while they’re at it

Making light and fun of ace WoC asking to not be sexualized because don’t we know aces have done Bad things and so we deserve it/don’t get to complain

One of many examples of white people who hate aces+aros talking over PoC and trying to erase us from our communities (+usually when we call that shit out they don’t care. This is actually one of the more cordial responses I’ve come across despite the lack of apology lol.

Another example of white ppl in the anti-ace/aro crowd talking over aces and aros of color here complete with that person condescendingly lecturing a PoC about racism

People like this saying outright they hate aces

Saying sex ed shouldn’t teach about asexuality

Outright stating they think being ace/aro gives people privilege (because supposedly aces+aros both benefit from conservatives pushing for abstinence)

Outright invalidating the identities of aces (who don’t have the attitude towards sex they think they should have)

Calling asexuals demons

Outright calling aces and aros a “plague” and saying aces/aros regardless of other identities all need to be kicked out of the LGBT+ community.

Erasing the identities of people who speak out against anti-ace/aro shit to declare them “straight” or “cishet” …or saying that treatment is what they get for being “traitors to their own community”

Ignoring the boundaries of aces/aros who have them blocked and don’t want to be vagued to make fun of them …

…or even to continue sexualizing them after they have made it very clear that shit freaks them out (cheerfully doing this to a WoC)

Someone saying asexuality does not exist and “encourages slut shaming”

Spamming the ace positivity tag with vile hate (ppl have talked a lot about how this harms and endangers especially mentally ill ppl)

“aces are embarassing“ in the positivity tag

Posting nsfw content in the ace positivity tag and being completely unapologetic, apparently using the reasoning that our identities are inherently nsfw anyway (see the “TMI discourse” aka people sexualizing our identities)

Calling aces and aros a “sexuality fandom” while pretending we’re a group full of people with every privilege imaginable, bored of being accepted by everyone and of having no Actual Problems in our lives. This kind of nasty erasure constantly goes on and is a big tactic in this mess tbh

Wanting aces to be “exterminated”. For good measure putting this in the ace positivity tag

This disgusting vile shit that I don’t even know how to sum up but it includes wishing death on someone

Talking about wanting aces/aros dead after somehow misunderstanding(?) a post that was very clearly not about asexuality or aromanticism

Graphically telling aces to die

Specifically telling ace kids to kill themselves

Did I mention that many people in this mess have wished death on aces and aros and that they often put it in positivity tags. Some of the most messed up shit I’ve seen is missing because I didn’t reblog/respond to it at the time or can’t find it right now

And I know anons don’t count as hard “proof” for anything but have the less graphic one of the death/rape threats I got  in my inbox for speaking out against anti-ace/aro shit (still kinda eerily detailed though. Not linking the other one because it is extremely graphic)

Part 2:

Comparing aces to a literal white supremacist (in the positivity tag)

Again someone invalidating the identities of aces who don’t have the attitude towards sex they think they should have

Sexualizing aros again, not caring about how it affects particularly aro PoC. And here two other ppl sexualizing and demonizing aros, like in posts further above claiming (non-ace) aros just use people for sex (said on positivity post).

Someone sexualizing aces again and engaging in sex-shaming at the same time, as usual with the claim that literally no one but a partner “needs” to know our orientations

Those Rachel Dolezal comparisons I mentioned made by non-black/white people who want to use antiblackness for what they call “ace discourse”? Yeah here is one white person doing it and here is another, even worse example where a white person goes “this is like if I pulled a Rachel D. and put on blackface and used the n-word…” (paraphrasing here). Here is the latter person utterly dismissing me being upset by their antiblackness (because black ppl’s pain only matters when it’s useful)

[For ppl who don’t know: Rachel Dolezal is a white woman who pretended to be black and built her career on it. White people sure as hell do not get to compare this shit to anything that is not antiblackness and use black people’s pain for their own purposes.]

A white person using antiblackness as a weapon against aces and aros in general (aka “ace tumblr”), acting smug regarding how supposedly we’re all so racist and “get triggered” by black people existing. (I am so tired of white ppl using racism as a cheap “gotcha” against aces and aros - groups which include PoC. And who then ignore or belittle PoC who call them out)

White person randomly informing WoC aces/aros can have white privilege

Again someone claiming ace privilege exists and here another person doing it adding to the post further above, claiming aces/aros have privilege for being ace/aro and that this is the case bc people who don’t have sex are privileged (wrong definition of asexuality… also of aromanticism??… and also no. No.)

What I mentioned about ppl telling us asexuality/aromanticism are not orientations but only ever modifiers? It’s happened a lot but here’s one example. And here’s someone outright saying aro aces don’t have an orientation but only modifiers.

Here’s the same person who said aro aces don’t have an orientation later turning around saying the orientation of aro aces is determined by how they behave and who they have sex with.

Another person putting nsfw shit in the ace positivity tag (link is to nsfw text)

And people try really hard to justify despising aces and aros by pointing to shitty people who share our identities/orientations. Honesty is secondary in this. Here you have someone taking a shitty post from an obvious nasty troll blog to say this is why ppl hate aces, and later when having the troll thing pointed out to them saying they already know. The post got over 3k notes.

“asexual shouldn’t even be a way people identify themselves”, with a second person in the thread agreeing

Part 3:

Someone saying they hope all aces “get checked out by a doctor” first (holy shit)

Saying asexuality is not a sexuality aka more invalidation like in posts further above

Someone calling aces a “turbo virgin club”, then declaring if an ace gets upset about it this shows their immense privilege

I’m 96% sure this is a troll and/or worse but here’s someone using absolute bullshit reasoning to claim asexuality is an inherently racist/antiblack identity (…on a black person’s post)

Speaking of racism, someone claiming vile crap and utter bullshit about aces including that we are all white

Once again a white person trying to use (extremely vile) antiblackness for so called “ace discourse”

Another incident of a blatant troll post getting nearly 3k notes because people wanted to use it to demonstrate how horrible aces/aros are, since we supposedly made up the fake slur “arobot”. Explanation in link, but basically no, “we” didn’t, it was an ancient pretty blatant troll post.

Again someone linking aromanticism to misogyny and to using people for sex

Someone in our positivity tags basically claiming aces and aros in relationships are selfish leeches who demand things but don’t give anything back. Talking as if we don’t deserve “time, effort, attention and love” and as though people in relationships with us are to be pitied

People spamming the ace positivity tag with nasty negativity and hate (once again)

Someone repeatedly wishing rape and like so often death on aces and aros (among other things) in our positivity tags. This person also put nsfw content there and spammed the tags

Again someone specifically wanting ace kids dead, talking in the positivity tag about hoping they get hit by a bus

After someone in this thread talks about the worry of being sexually assaulted for being ace, a person responds with the vilest victim-blaming, claiming shit like “it is easy to learn how to defend yourself“ and worse that I don’t want to put here. If you want details check the link

A number of screenshots of extremely vile posts, out of which two older ones weren’t listed here before: one is about wanting aces/aros to have “full blown panic attacks” and “cry themselves to sleep” over being marginalized/erased by society;

the other utterly disgustingly talks about wanting aces/aros to face torture and medical experimentation and death (the person brings in concentration camps)

This anon was also among the screenshots just now: extremely graphic torture and death threat I got from someone because they hate all us “ ~uwu~pure~smol~aceys~”. There’s wanting to peel the skin off my body as well as gun violence and sentiments that echo the post above

Since we’re already talking anons, somewhat graphic rape/death threat I got in my inbox, this time using the “dare I say meme” that is frequently employed to shit on aces and aros (still leaving out the most disgustingly graphic threat I’ve received bc I don’t want to link it)

Part 4:

“I would actually fucking slaughter aces if I could“

Listen this crap is terrifying and at this point I’m just tired. I could add the same sort of shit to this list over and over. Yet there’s still a huge crowd here denying any of this is happening, who’ll come to posts about ppl hating aces and aros to declare that no one does and we’re all just making it up or too clueless to understand what’s Really Being Said, because that’s how they like to paint aces and aros and anyone who supports us. It’s unbelievable and so so horrible and draining.

It needs to stop. I hate putting this negative crap on ppl’s dash but what’s going on is just so harmful and there’s not much else to do about it I can think of. Aside from people condescendingly explaining to us all the time none of this is happening (or outright calling us liars the moment we don’t put the links directly on a post and claiming we’re making this all up to make other aces/aros feel unsafe holy shit), I’ve also had ppl come to this very post (the original version) saying it’s just “mean words on the Internet” so I shouldn’t talk about -isms here and ppl literally wishing us dead.

Please help get word around that this is happening and a serious issue if you can? (But also if you can’t please don’t feel bad about that)

Part 5:

Someone saying ppl only get to headcanon extremely privileged characters as ace/aro

Someone spouting the incredible, unironic line: “isn’t that the point of being ace?? to desexualize yourself??“  

Telling aces to date non-aces otherwise they’re automatically abusive for “taking sex away” from their partners (holy shit)

As I mentioned, if we speak about the anti-ace/aro shit on this site, ppl love to try and shut us up by coming to our posts acting like we don’t know what we’re talking about or are deliberately lying for example because they’ve not personally seen what we’re talking about, and they can get really utterly horrible about it

Someone making up an insult (”stiff”) for aces to mean “a prude who cant keep their trap shut abt it “ (the person also posted a screenshot of a dictionary entry of the word in the positivity tag where “a dead body” is listed as one of the definitions)

Same person saying aromantic means “a boring person nobody will ever love”

Yet another person sexualizing aces, making fun of how supposedly we constantly talk about wanting to “fuck”… and about wanting to be led around on a leash in public

Two people defending hating all aces and comparing this to statements about privileged groups like white people, because ace/aro privilege I guess

A white person mocking me having experienced racism in “ace discourse” while heavily implying I must be lying (while demanding proof and no I’m not saying asking me for links is the problem)

Another person outright defending hating aces, except it’s okay and not bigotry according to them because it’s… not our existence that’s the problem but us existing as aces??

Part 6

Saying ace/aro identities belong in the DSM

And also a post I really want to talk about that made me add to this post again:

Saying asexual/aromantic people are “weird” and “ugly as fuck” and we id as ace/aro because “no one wants us” (I got an extremely vile anon once that made a similar “argument” and this line of thought is neither new nor harmless)

The thing about this post that makes it especially horrible and made me put it here almost right away? The notes. There are tons of people who responded to that post with approval and if you check, you’ll see them acting like aces/aros being treated like this and getting upset about it is just one big joke. There are many people going “lol that’s mean but true” and “lmao careful they’ll use this as proof they’re oppressed haha” (paraphrased)  and otherwise talking nasty shit about aces and aros. This is fucking vile and the kind of shit you’d expect from anti-sjws, but nope, “ace discourse” everyone

Someone saying ace awareness week should not be a thing because they’re already “painfully” aware we exist

Did I mention when we talk about any of this people immediately in big numbers rush to silence us, dismissing and mocking us out of hand and painting us as hysterical liars who “just wanna be oppressed“ because who gives a shit about aces/aros saying they’re being harmed

As a bonus, let’s return to the anons for a moment, which I’ve not talked about much before:

Someone telling me to die after I made more posts calling this sort of anti-ace/aro shit out

Someone telling me they want to ally with conservatives and shoot me and also other aces, calling aces a “plague”

Someone telling me sending the above to a black person has nothing to do with racism, and also that asexuality is a symptom of mental illness/trauma that needs to be corrected, not a sexuality. They tell me to “get fucked” so I’ll be fixed

Right after these asks I also got a nazi in my inbox (”88″ is nazi code). Make of that what you will

Another person coming to my inbox calling aces a plague and wanting us all dead

“Tumblr aces are deserving of every drop of loathing they get”

And now back once more to the posts people actually put their blog names on (aka most posts by far on this list, so no one skimming better try to claim this is primarily about anons just because I put a few in)…

Reacting to hateful vile anons by claiming we must have sent them to ourselves (why? because they say so), such as graphic anon rape/death threats. Nasty on so many levels and encourages people who hate us further to send shit like that

Part 7

People thinking it’s appropriate to tell a black ace woman (me lol) she has an “oppression fetish” just based on her minority orientation, in response to her asking ppl to not do EXACTLY that

Someone comparing asexuality to a kink to mock the idea of and paint as gross aces talking to family or anyone not involved in “their sex life” about their orientation

Same person in a wild post calling all aces “demons” (as ppl keep doing)

Someone not only as so often comparing aces to Trump with a moodboard, but also including the word “fascism” in ace colors in it (this is an older post)

Someone coming up with the wild conspiracy theory that people upset by aphobia (along with inclusionists) are actually largely the alt-right trying to disrupt activist communities wtf I can not make this shit up  (the person being ace themselves does not make this better or any less anti-ace/aro. This is fucking vile)

Someone mocking all aces by calling us “aceys” and talking about wanting to fight us, and another person approving of this and calling aces speaking out against it “dumb” and my legitimate anger “cute”. Also apparently being upset by this at all means I’ve “deluded” myself into thinking I’m oppressed

Same person who said the above claiming aro aces are somehow straight

Mocking aro terminology and aros for calling their partners (who they may or may not be married to) anything but “friends”

People (once again) painting aros as monsters who by virtue of being aro treat their partners without basic respect and decency. Also making aro identities all about wanting to “fuck” people without loving them, or caring about them in any shape or form. This shit is both sexualizing our identities (as usual) and nasty as hell in general

Another person outright saying they hate aces and trying to justify this by comparing it to venting about a privileged group, as if ace privilege exists rather than asexuality being a minority orientation

Someone (as too many ppl have done) comparing aces to “incels”, dangerous misogynists who are frequently rape apologists/rapists

Silencing tactics still include viciously mocking aces/aros speaking out against any of this shit and painting us as irrational, Senselessly Angry, and evil like in this bullshit “parody” post of what I (and two others?) have supposedly been saying. Apparently when I make posts like this one, that is what the OP gets from that… somehow. People keep doing shit like this to me, and painting black women as hysterical and angry for no reason when we’re legitimately upset is not a new move?

While we’re on the topic of antiblackness and misogynoir, remember how ppl love to send me graphic anon threats? Yeah this person purosely invoked the image of lynchings while doing so, aware themselves it’s racist and admitting they don’t care, as long as they can tell a black person they’d like to “hang me from a tree” and then also all other ace ppl, because “ace discourse” has proven to them we’re evil apparently

Part 8

Saying there’s somethong “wrong” with aces and aros and that we need to get professional help, and that our orientations are “unnatural”. There’s way too much pathologization among these links

Comparing aces to Ayn Rand, a racist rape apologist among other things. Apparently it makes for a fun moodboard about how we’re evil (and hate poor people?? wtf)

Once again someone comparing aces to incels (for some reason people love associating aces with misogynists, rape apologists and rapists, hmm)

Someone sexually harassing a user for simply saying to ignore/block aphobes, putting extremely explicit sexual content into the post’s notes, very possibly trying to deliberately trigger the OP. This is disgusting af

Someone saying asexuality isn’t a real sexuality (again)

As usual someone putting negativity in the ace positivity tag like we don’t deserve to have positivity - this time about how we’re “idiot aces” and all “cishet”

Talking about how this masterpost that, you know, has literal death threats on it and not few of them is hilarious

Here we have someone after being linked to this masterpost defending the Ronald Reagan and Trump moodboards (while completely ignoring all the other shit on this list)

Someone spewing the old bullshit notion that conservatives love aces for our supposed “celibacy”, with the typical implication of ace privilege or at least the idea that being ace makes those of us belonging to various oppressed groups less oppressed (or that we don’t exist at all lol)

Here’s an older post where someone cruelly made fun of an anon on an ace blog non wanting to get a pap test, presuming it’s due to internalized oppression and treating that as funny and inherently mock-worthy (the post got lots of approving notes at the time), because haha aces “valuing their virginity more than their health”, even though 1) the anon said nothing of the sort and 2) even if they had, people not wanting to get health care due to messed up ideas surrounding “virginity” is not funny either. (And this sort of ridicule is nowhere near comparable to correcting actual misinformation)

Making Kylo Ren ace/aro moodboards because aside from real life fascists it’s fun to compare us to fictional ones

Since we’re on the topic, another, older post that has a lot of people comparing aces to various fictional abusers, mass murderers, fascists, etc., “joking” about how these are the characters we can have as “ace representation”. And then ppl going “lol it’s just a joke haha silly aces not getting the concept of humor” in typical bigot fashion, something the anti-ace/aro crowd does A LOT

Meanwhile once when I in response to someone comparing aros to Voldemort (based on him being incapable of love) made an aro-spec Hermione positivity post using the same meme the Voldemort post had used,  emphasizing her good qualities/sense of justice, a whole wild mess happened that included people making jokes about (house elf) slavery on my aka a black woman’s positivity post and calling one of the most commonly hc-ed as black characters demonic and equating her to Taylor Swift… for among other things the evil trait of having an issue with, you know, slavery.

(Later a white person tried to in a separate post paint me as hysterical/irrational for getting upset about this, completely [and deliberately] erasing the fact that it was about race at all in that retelling of things. Not that it’s not bullshit and extremely telling to gleefully heap negativity on a positivity post like this in general, but damn.)

But back to comparing us to real life fascists, someone literally said “cishet asexuals act almost identical to white supremacists and nazis” because saying this about a minority orientation which includes aces TARGETED by white supremacists isn’t fucked up at all I’m done

For the xth time someone outright saying they hate aces

Here we get tons of misogynoir again from someone making a sort of Nicki Minaj ace moodboard that compares ace inclusionism to her breasts/”silicone implants“, and someone else approving of how hilarious that supposedly is. It’s pretty fucking gross tbh, the OP even put it in the Nicki Minaj tag

Fitting in with the above nicely: someone suggesting that subsets of aces and aros be called “breeders” (this is an older post)

Calling asexuality and aromanticism “cults” and comparing them to scientology among a ton of other vile shit including once again pathologization

Calling (non-ace) aros “objectifying assholes”

More demonization of aros, claiming as so often that being aro is the same as fetishizing and using people

Once again someone calling aces (or well just ace girls this time because misogyny is fun) ugly and claiming we’re all white (because racism is also fun)

Part 9

And here finally the new part that tumblr wouldn’t let me add to the original post the usual way. Not to repeat myself but I’m exhausted. And pissed. Remember these are all just examples. And I’d like to say there won’t be more in the future but who am I kidding.

Making light of comparing aces to incels, who are still dangerous misogynists/rapists/rape apologists. How dare aces and especially ace women be upset about it

Another person making light of (nasty moodboards) comparing aces and specifically ace teenagers to vile af dangerous bigots

Again someone comparing aces to incels (....who apparently no longer oppress women, at least if they’re ace)

They really love that incel comparison

They love it a lot. Yet another person comparing aces to incels (while defining asexuality as “not wanting to fuck”). Someone else joining in and going, “Is ‘turbo virgin’ better for u”

The same ppl as in the link above continuing to be horrible+apparently thinking ace and aro WoC are no longer oppressed by racism and misogyny. Did I mention I could not make this shit up

Also if you scroll a bit, there’s a link there to one of them telling an ace to “get laid” to be fixed (this link here leads to the same thread as the one above)

Once more comparing aros to Trump

White person thinking it’s a good idea to equate aces/aros of color upset about being compared to white supremacists with white ppl upset about jokes about white ppl

“asexuals go to hell”

Claiming it’s just “crying racism” and funny that I call call out, you know, all this pretty blatant racism, such as comparing aces and aros to slave owners/white supremacists to give just one example of the literal dozens here (even sth on the level of that anon wanting to lynch me apparently doesn’t count as racist for the OP there what the hell even)

Pathologizing our orientations, saying aces all have some “underlying issue” and that we just id as asexual as an excuse bc we don’t wanna “work through” said issues

Again someone claiming aces can’t have sex, making fun of ppl saying otherwise (apparently we physically can’t this is so wild)

Again ppl claiming aces and aros are basically all white, hurting (and pissing off) aces and aros of color bc that’s always fun. Also I’d argue some not that subtle misogyny there but decide for yourself

Among other things claiming aces are obsessed with sex which uhh uncomfortable+creepy. If ppl’d stop sexualizing us that’d be fucking nice

Another nonblack person comparing ace inclusionists to Rachel Dolezal (not giving a shit about black ppl’s opinion on the matter)... and then claiming antiblackness isn’t racism (when coming from other PoC)

Claiming asexuality is a “specific sexual preference” that no one wants to know about and also the same as “not fucking”. Literally saying (as ppl in this mess do so often) we should literally mention our orientations to NO ONE but our partners bc of this. AND not giving a shit about being told this sexualizes aces including aces of color

As usual pretending we make all the shit documented in this post up (and let me repeat this post was just meant to have EXAMPLES, there’s way more horrible crap out there)

Ace girls are apparently “like straight girls, only worse”. And that regardless of other identities

Using the term “acehets”

Another person referring to “acehets and arohets”

Apparently asexuality and aromanticism are “technically het” now

Calling aces (explicitly+deliberately ALL aces) a “cancer to the lgbt community”

Saying a black aro ace woman wouldn’t have time to be “melodramatic” (=make posts like this one lol) if she had more sex. I CAN NOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP it’s so incredibly sexist, racist, and creepy omg. There’s already examples further above of this person’s misogynoir BUT DAMN

Here we have some pro Trump, pro gun person after going “fuck tumblr ace culture” talking about how aces aren’t oppressed (especially those of us to whom guns or ppl like the president they support are an incredible danger I’m sure lol) and how dare we make our orientations “our entire personality”. This is all so wild help me??

Remember when we talked about how ppl like to when we talk about this despite all the easily available proof accuse us of lying/being hytserical/just “wanting to be oppressed” as a silencing tactic? Yeah here we have someone calling me speaking out against some of the (racist) shit listed further above “delusional”

Linking being ace to being a nazi (”Been noticing a lot of these “Asexuals” are also nazis”)

More linking being ace to being a nazi (”You can't spell asexual without axis power”). Did I mention the anti-ace/aro crowd is wild and despicable af

The solution to people being this horrible to us is CLEARLY for us to “log off” so why the hell are we whining

This white person wants millions in “emotional damages” from people with ace headcanons for characters belonging to various oppressed groups, including characters of color. Because clearly others acknowledging the existence of aces of color must be incredibly painful for them. Wtf is the anti-ace/aro crowd even. Also, this is what aces and aros of color mean when we talk about constantly being erased by ppl wanting to pretend our orientations are somhow “white” identities - frquently like here under the guise of protecting us from those evil aces and aros aka ourselves.

Putting “your flag is ugly and so are you“ in the ace positivity tag

Same person posting in the ace positivty tag about wanting subsets of aces to get hit by a bus

Okay I know further above I’ve directed you to such unbelievably vile anons they must be getting old but I’m gonna put just one in this part: wanting aces dead but it’s our own fault because the ace community on tumblr made them into a shitstain devoid of decency who thinks fondly of people dying based on them sharing a minority orientation!! They had no problems with aces before!! And it’s just if we’re on tumblr that they want us dead really!! Using this site like other people makes us... wait for it... “incel equivalents” apparently

Aaand here the nonblack ppl go again with the comparing ace inclusionism to antiblackness/Rachel Dolezal, one of them specifically complaining they got called antiblack for it when clearly this white person also doing it proves it’s okay

After as the anti-ace/aro crowd loves to do pretending none of this is happening, this person admitted that yeah sure their crowd compares aces and aros to misogynists and racists, but it’s not because of our orientations but because we’re Bad, and if we claim otherwise we’re manipulative and just wanna victimize ourselves!!

racism and comparing PoC (because their asexuality continues to not magically turn aces of color into white ppl) to their oppressors are apparently still funny (”date an asexual who thinks reverse racism exists“)

Someone talking about wanting “porn of aces” where aces are raped and turned into “hypersexual sluts”. The person adds, “ESPECIALLY if it’s real”. This shit is VILE AND DISTURBING AF HOLY CRAP

And apparently aces who have sex are by virtue of this themselves rapists now, along with anyone who consensually sleeps with people they’re not attracted to?? Wtf even. (These people REALLY want to villify us and for us to not enter relationships - if we don’t have sex with a partner, we’re absusive, but if we do, we’re rapists. We’ve had both these “arguments” now I fucking can’t.)

Again someone posting (in the ace positivity tag) about wanting an “ace concentration camp”

“asexuals get death challenge”

And listen I WISH I was making this shit up and that these posts all didn’t exist. Then I’d not have to deal with the knowledge that a ton of people here don’t even see aces and aros as human beings, constantly throwing -isms and nasty af shit in general at us and pretending when aimed at us it’s somehow okay. People are doing all this to us, and trying to claim we deserve it, based on our MINORITY ORIENTATIONS.

It’s wild, it’s despicable, and it needs to stop. And I’m going to say it as many times as necessary.

[trender-sollux]

anti anti discourse megapost

I’m probably not the Best Most Informed person to ask about this stuff but!! here’s the disc horse as I understand it. this is pretty much a tumblr formatted argumentative essay, so buckle up or scroll to the tl;dr as fast as you can.

(I’ll put it under a cut bc 1.) things are gonna get pretty controversial, and 2.) things got Very long Very fast.)

the bg (the intro paragraph)

in fandom, as most people know, people tend to ship characters together. it’s fun to think about what two characters may act like in a relationship, and this gives way for loads of innovative and unique content to be made around ships! communities can be built, friends can be made, and lots of original fan content can be made centered around shipping characters together!

now, everyone has different tastes in ships, whether it be gay straight or somewhere in between, as well as different tastes in dynamics! (take the fave ship dynamics art meme that’s been going around for reference on what that means lmao)

some people may not even like to ship anyone with anyone, choosing instead to focus on lore or more platonic but no less important relationships, which is also just fine!

la problema

there however is copious amounts of people who deem other people’s ships “problematic”.

this in and of itself is not the problem: whether the ship makes them uncomfortable because of:

a large age gap (typically of 10+ years)

one person being a minor and the other an adult

it being an incestuous relationship of any sort (whether by blood or not)

they don’t enjoy the dynamic of the characters (perhaps it’s an unhealthy or simply turbulent relationship)

that is not the problem.

people are allowed to be uncomfortable with pairings! it’s not something they can help! content reminding people of real world issues or trauma are especially touchy, and that’s understandable and completely okay.

people may even be uncomfortable with those that consume that content, whether they have a sound reason or just simply because they don’t like it (they don’t really owe an explanation), and if they should want that content tagged so that they can avoid it, or ask simply that people who like it and post about it not interact with them so that they can further avoid it, that is perfectly okay.

ships can squick people out or even badly trigger them (in the serious mental terminology way not the internet watered down ‘this makes me mad’ way)!

the real problem comes when you have people harassing others for ships they don’t like.

you have loads and loads of call out culture where hundreds of people ridicule targeted shippers for their problematic pairings, calling them pedophiles or incest supporters or whatever buzz word of the day is to make them out to be awful scummy people.

they make call out posts to “expose them”, get people on their side, tell them they shouldn’t enjoy this thing that makes them happy, and in a rather awful amount of cases, send death threats and attempts to dox them/leak their information, things that can ruin actual lives.

all over the enjoyment of fictional pairings.

you can replace “ships” with just “fictional characters” or “stories” and you have anti-fiction discourse, where people harass the fans (or authors/creators!) of specific “problematic” characters or stories the same way they do shippers.

(also, about to get real controversial here, but you could also replace shippers w/ fujoshi/fudanshi and get the same effect. I know that saying fujoshi are gross is the hot new trend, but anti-fujoshi are just as bad as anti-shippers. I’m significantly less qualified to talk on that and I can link some really great posts if you want more info on that mess, but for now I’ll just say I’m pro-fujoshi and go.)

(if you go through the vld ship tags, I guarantee you will run into a lot of this for reference, though tw for death threats and A Lot of them. kl@nce has an infamous anti following, and anti-sh@l@din has a very fervent following as well.)

these people commonly refer to themselves as the broad and catch-all term “anti”. anti-insert ship here, anti-insert character here, anti-insert story here. they are against them, those who create content for them, and those who just sit back and enjoy them.

why that’s bad

at first glance, this seems like a good thing.

after all, people who consume that content must condone it, right? why else would they enjoy it? and if they condone such awful things, they’re awful people and they must deserve whatever happens to them! they’re dangerous! they deserve threats and misery and the loss of their jobs! they don’t deserve to be happy! they don’t deserve to be alive!

this mentality is really why a lot of antis end up being young people with an interest in activism. social activism is a good thing, after all. raising awareness about real problems through a social platform is a good thing.

it also tends to attract young trauma survivors who went through similar experiences as those portrayed in fiction.

not all antis are young/naive. that’s too much of a scapegoat (that they already use themselves too much). there are a lot of adult antis.

however, a lot of anti rhetoric is specifically targeted at minors. some antis will go out of their way to harass adults that make explicit content for other adults, saying that they are predatory for making it because it makes the anti uncomfortable.

I’m not saying I was immune either; for a while I thought that was just.

antis have a tricky way of worming themselves out of responsibility like that, after all. they make the victim out to be deserving of punishment, whatever it may be, whether it be some public humiliation or threats or leasing information that could put them in real actual danger (which is illegal, by the way.)

I never participated in death threats or anything (they made me,, really uncomfortable), but for a while, at very least, the public shaming made sense.

however, this doesn’t actually help trauma survivors. it doesn’t help people that actually go through horrible situations like the ones depicted in fiction. it doesn’t help those who are groomed by pedophiles, or abused by family members, or in abusive relationships.

what it does do is bully and ridicule people for something that inspires them and brings them happiness. people who did nothing wrong.

this is commonly referred to as performative activism.

you take the name of something vile and awful, and use it to say you are doing something for the greater good, a righteous and necessary evil, but really you are doing nothing at all. nothing progressive to help those in need, nothing daring or brave, nothing to make the world a better, kinder place. nothing.

it can be done out of the desire to help, or the desire to make a difference as someone who isn’t sure how, but your intent isn’t the issue on the table. the fact is that anti rhetoric hurts innocent people.

walking through common anti talk points (q&a)

now, I know that there are people who interact w/ my tiny blog who are antis, and actually one of my super tiny follower count is an anti (which I’m a lil sad about bc they have super cool art and a generally positive blog; not to be indirect but I also don’t wanna be like Hey I Don’t Agree With You In Particular. like nah they’re really cool actually and I hope they’re having a chill day), and for you antis reading this, you may be thinking, “sol, I see what you’re saying, but I’m not convinced antis are all that bad!”

well, it’s time for a lil bit of q&a!!

What makes problematic content innocent?

the content itself isn’t hurting anyone.

content, online especially in this day and age , is oftentimes tagged to make sure no one is triggered by the content they want to enjoy. if not tagged, usually descriptions or summaries include warnings. if not in the summary, ratings (like in movies) are also a good indicator of what you should look out for.

let’s say, for example’s sake, someone ends up ignoring the warning and consuming the content anyway, and ends up hurt because of it.

the content is not at fault, the willful ignorance of the person is.

What if they didn’t know to read the warning?

they were still warned. this should be taken as a learning experience, and they should be more careful in the future. it may sound harsh, but not knowing how something works isn’t exactly any excuse. people aren’t exempt from consequences because they didn’t know how something works.

What makes the creators of problematic content innocent?

a lot of people have the misconception that if someone makes content for something, they think it’s okay or would do something like it in real life.

this is not inherently true.

I’m not saying there may be predatory content creators out there, but that definitely does not mean that all content creators that produce things with dark themes always always think that it’s okay in real life.

there is such a thing as exploratory fiction. this is where although you know something is bad and dangerous, you’d like to know more about it and envision scenarios around it from a safe environment. writing or making art won’t leave you with permanent life ruining trauma, but you still get to explore that concept and sate that curiosity.

exploratory fiction can even be used as a coping mechanism for trauma survivors! that’s right!! some of the exact same trauma survivors that antis claim to want to protect and give voices to are some of the people hurt by their rhetoric.

my own traumas and potential anecdotes aside, I don’t really know much about this topic and as such I’ll let other survivors get more in depth/talk more personally if they’d like (as no survivors deals with their trauma the same way), but I know for a fact that exploring something that hurt you badly in the past can be an excellent way for someone to better understand themselves, what they went through, and better cope with what happened.

it may seem like making light of a bad situation, but it’s their trauma to deal with, not anyone else’s. no one can tell them that they’re reacting wrong. if it makes them happy and isn’t inherently hurting anyone, it shouldn’t be taken away from them.

(I’ve seen anti rhetoric directly harm trauma/abuse survivors and for their privacy I won’t name them but don’t come @ me w/ your “But I’m A Trauma Survivor And I’m An Anti” junk. I’m not saying you can’t be a trauma survivor and an anti. I’m simply saying that antis can’t exactly be counted as completely innocent and uwu-unproblematic either.)

What makes the fans/consumers of problematic content innocent?

by reading something or looking at something, did you just hurt somebody?

did you read this book or look at this art and in doing so just ruin someone’s entire life by violating them or some other heinous act?

no. that’s not how anything works ever.

by writing about murder, did someone just take a knife and kill someone? did someone die because they wrote a book? is every murder mystery author actually a murderer?

no. (but that would make an excellent murder mystery novel. an unreliable narrator who is revealed to be the murderer all along lol writing prompt)

by that same token, reading about someone dying doesn’t make you a murderer or as good as one.

people may come to realize things about themselves through fiction, as access to terminology and information may help them develop, but someone can enjoy fiction simply because it makes them happy and they enjoy it.

But consuming problematic content can inspire someone to do something problematic! Fiction affects reality!

taking inspiration from something and putting something into action are two entirely different things.

assuming a person has the presence of mind not to be so susceptible to suggestion that they do everything they see on tv, fictional content on the damn internet shouldn’t be any different.

But what about Jaws? Shark hunting saw a huge spike after its release because people were all afraid of sharks because of it!*

people were already afraid of sharks. people probably already wanted to hunt sharks, dude. what do you think inspired the original movie?

I mean, a huge carnivorous fish with rows and rows of teeth? and it occasionally came up and just took chunks out of people?? it was horror/thriller material just begging to be used.

shark attacks definitely got more publicity because of the success of the movie, but if you think there wasn’t a fear of sharks before Jaws, you’re either super dense or super short sighted.

also, if you think hunters won’t hunt something just because it’s super big and scary, you have never met a hunter. Jaws’ story is not exactly the perfect comparison to the average person minding their business who would never ever consider doing something heinous.

if someone already wants to do something, they will do it whether or not they have fiction to blame for it. they may never consume that fiction and still do it.

they are the screwed up ones, and it is not because they consume screwed up fiction. that is correlation, not causation.

fiction in and of itself does not affect reality. it is the people who use fiction as a scapegoat to weasel themselves out of the consequences for their actions who say it do.

Does that mean that all fiction is exempt from criticism?

hell no. in fact, fuck no.

fiction can still be bad. fiction can be piss poorly written. the characters can be well presented but executed poorly. the designs might be good but they might not make sense. the anatomy might be fuckin wack and the story might not go anywhere. it might just be pure self indulgent nonsense that no one on earth but the creator enjoys.

this does not mean anyone gets the right to completely forget all sense of human decency and make people feel like shit for the things they created.

as a creator, creating stuff is hard. it takes time energy and practice.

some professional artists’ work aren’t really my thing and their work may make me a little uncomfortable to look at, but I’m not all in their comment sections making their days worse. I recognize that they put time and effort into it, and they may not even be too confident about it!!

sometimes the nicest things you can say is absolutely fucking nothing. however, if you have to say something mean, if you have to give those damn two cents, at least recognize that there is a real human being with thoughts and feelings on the other side of your screen, and they’d probably appreciate some manners and maybe some well wishes for the trouble. no sense belittling people when you can uplift them and inspire them to do better instead.

Does this mean you hate antis?

in any other post I would just say yes. I hate their rhetoric and the awful shit they put creators and fans alike through. however, because this post is informative, my precise answer is not technically.

I do not wish harm on antis. I don’t wish death on them. they deserve their privacy as much as anyone, and I won’t harass them though they may harass others.

I think the things that they do is often times abhorrent and I think that their toxicity is largely a contributing factor in how draining fandom culture has become and I hate that. I hate feeling unsafe in spaces meant to be fun and community driven. I hate looking through blogs to make sure I don’t accidentally come into contact with someone who may potentially try to dox me because I read a comic they think is garbage.

however, I don’t think all antis deserve real hatred. some are simply misguided and don’t do this super invasive awful shit. even if they do this awful shit, I still hope they can change for the better and address their issues, apologize even if they can’t/won’t be forgiven, and become happier chiller people who can focus their energy towards better things.

like... I don’t think I hate them as much as I hate who they are right now. despite what another bit of anti rhetoric says, people aren’t static. even if it doesn’t excuse what they’re doing and consequences will find them accordingly, they deserve room to grow. all people deserve room to grow. they aren’t entitled to my forgiveness, nor my time, nor company, but I wish the best for them at the end of the day. I hope this passes for them and they learn better.

and w/ that I think we’re done!

I think that about explains everything I know, and while at the time I’m writing this it is very late and I’ve been staring at this for a few hours now, I don’t think I’ve missed much of anything!

if I’ve missed a talking point you’d like to see explained, have any questions this post doesn’t answer, or have a post that disproves anything I said, my ask box is always open!!

I humbly request that any debate that may happen on this post if any stay polite and sexy. negativity earns yourself a hearty block from me bc it’s my blog and I do what I want. take it to dms if you must but please don’t be all up and rude. this may not be the most polite and neutral post around but I don’t think any argumentative piece is. I am in fact opinionated and I won’t present both sides of the argument as equal when they quite clearly are not, thank you.

tl;dr

antis are harmful to the very people they claim to protect and stand for and can do better things w/ their time like ride a bike or roll in some grass. they can go step on an entire bucket of legos. just plunge their feet in the sharpest of lego bricks. I hope all their library books are dog-eared to death and their internet is slow. I wrote an entire essay on this practically for over 2 hours no breaks. I’m tired. I’m more tired of their shit but I’m tired.

* this was a real and original argument I saw to justify fiction affects reality that I saw while I was scrolling someone’s blog. it sucked bc the rest of their blog was pretty positive and cool and I even wanted to follow them but like,, ya know, yikes. they seemed condescending and close minded and I was outta there.

edit: this is actually being posted bc it’s been brought to my attention that the antis have already taken to “calling me out” (lmao okay jan) so like. this is wildin - I’m by no means an influencer (I have?? 8 followers. I’m not actually famous.) nor have I been super vocal about it thus far but like,, my dudes I am laughing this is exactly what I knew would happen and I still manage to be surprised.

[kattahj]

Concerning those AO3 posts, you could ask, "Katta, almost all of your stuff is teen rated. You're basically a gen girl at heart. None of it is wank material and very little is even disturbing. Why do you care what happens to those gross fics?"

And the answer would be: BECAUSE almost all my stuff is teen rated, and I'm basically a gen girl at heart, and I STILL had trouble with archives before AO3.

Some years ago, fanfiction.net famously all of a sudden decided that it wouldn't host any sexually explicit fic anymore. It less famously also decided that certain formats of fics weren't allowed, such as fics in script format, because reasons.

Also, it wouldn't allow any fic written for fandoms whose authors didn't approve of fic. That means no Anne Rice, no George RR Martin, no Diana Gabaldon, etc. And if we're talking about the immorality of various fics, let's remember for a moment that Diana Gabaldon claimed that writing any fic at all about her characters was like selling her children into white slavery. (She specified white slavery, because she's classy like that. /sarcasm)

Then there were the smaller, fandom-specific archives.

In one of my earliest online fandoms, out of dozens of sites, only one permitted slash of any kind. One other permitted R-rated het. I had to haggle with the archivist at the archive where I usually posted, to be allowed a sex scene in my plotty romance fic. She only allowed it because I made about five different arguments about why it was relevant to the plot. 

Another fandom only allowed G-rated fic. At all.

in yet another fandom, when I asked for a fic of mine to be hosted on a character-specific site, I got a note back saying that they'd only allow it in if I changed it so the character was no longer in an open relationship, but instead in a monogamous one. (To make it more bizarre, the character was Faith Lehane.) I declined.

I had people tell me I needed to "warn" for lesbians in a story with only female characters, marked romance, and rated mature, because clearly those weren't obvious enough signs that there would be lesbians.

due South had separate archives for people who preferred RayV, RayK, or "swung both Rays". (I escaped most of that drama because I had a Diefenbaker archive, and people generally could agree on liking Diefenbaker.)

Plus, of course, archives were just up for as long as archivists wanted them to be up anyway. Server space costs money. After a while, they might decide that they wouldn't bother, and take it all down. (Not to mention that Geocities shutting down meant a whole lot of sites disappeared - but that was after AO3 had already been created.)

And then there was Livejournal, which seemed like it didn't give a shit what fans were doing in the various communities (much like tumblr) until it suddenly closed down a bunch of journals based on buzzwords like "rape" in the interests, and accidentally got some survivor and fannish communities/journals in the sweep.

I wasn't affected by strikethrough personally. Most of the people I knew weren't. Thing is, we didn't look at that and go, "Ah, well, it's just those porny pervs, the innocents will get their journals back." (Which, by and large, they did.) Instead, we thought, "Here we go again."

It was THAT sense of fatigue that led to AO3 becoming the huge archive it is. Not just a sanctuary for the fic that had been blocked from LJ, but for any ficcer at all who was tired of the whims of archivists deciding which fic could stay online.

AO3 has all fandoms, all ratings, it's easy to search, you can filter out content you don't want to see, AND it's run as a nonprofit by fans for fans. That's not something we had before, and it's not something we can take for granted.

The AO3 staff will remove stuff that's downright illegal (according to US law), but it's true, they won't remove legal stuff for being immoral (as long as it's adequately tagged). And here's why: Everyone has different ideas of what constitutes immoral. Shit, the discourse in any fandom at all will tell you that, what with all the "your ship is Bad and Wrong/no, YOUR ship is Bad and Wrong!" going on. And that's not even going into different countries, religious communities and so on.

(Heck, where I come from it's legal not just to write about two 15-year-old first cousins having sex, but for real-life 15-year-old first cousins to actually DO it.)

AO3 offers no stamp of approval on the millions of fics on its site. There are probably fics on there which the board members disapprove of, just like there are fics that you disapprove of. But if those aren't the same fics, you'll still be able to find the stuff YOU think is okay, even if it's not what the board thinks is okay. And that's something to cherish.

None of that means you can't criticize specific fics, or fic tropes. Of course you can, and you should. (As long as you acknowledge that your opinion is yours alone and doesn't define the content of the archive. If you can persuade someone to write differently, great. If not, tough titties.)

As for actual abusers using fic to lure kids in, report them to everyone you can think of, because those people need to be in jail. But that's NOT the same thing as reporting every fic with a subject matter you find squicky.

[otdderamin]

Analysis: Caduceus and Caleb build their relationship – CR C2 Ep47 2:40:07

REVISED: The original article was written before Talks Machina 2019-01-15 where Taliesin clarified that Caduceus' feeling for Caleb are platonic. This article was written on that assumption anyway. It's been lightly revised to include that certainty and include the Talks Machina Transcript.

The two flattering exchanges between Caduceus and Caleb caught my ear as much as anyone. There's clearly some stronger, closer relationship forming there. Maybe it will come to something else one day, but on review, I was not reading it as romantic overtures so much as two socially awkward people trying to communicate kindness, which Taliesin confirmed on Talks Machina 2019-01-15 (0:39:18). Taliesin: "I will say he doesn't feel that way [about Caleb], though, but yeah. Yeah, he don't- he doesn't have a thing going on in that direction, but he's definitely like, 'Yeah, you're cool.'" I really like the idea of an ace/aro Caduceus who basically doesn't understand the concept of flirting. He just thinks you should be kind and supportive to all living things and ease their insecurities, but other people reserve that for ulterior motives.

Caduceus' comment that Caleb smells nice (3:23:42) came directly after Jester was projecting all her insecurities & making Cad feel insecure himself before she tried to correct (3:22:56). Caduceus could see that the joke about Caleb being stinky was really bothering & hurting Caleb in the same way. So, Caduceus was partly trying to reassure Caleb that wasn't the case and passive-aggressively put an end to the joke with the others. And doing that with his disarmingly frank honesty and supportive personality. Taliesin said on Talks, "I think that it's more the teasing that he smells bad." (0:38:03)

Caduceus is flattering to plants and animals he wants to reassure and persuade to be kind to them in exactly the same tone. And Caleb was irritated enough to be withholding magic from them until they apologized (3:23:46), so there's a similar motive here.

Also, this is Taliesin. He tried to flatter sentient grass with Percy and it came off as flirting (CRC1 Ep060 2:21:56). He's expressed before (on Gather Your Party, I think) that he sees flirting as a way of making people feel good about themselves without necessarily expecting it to be reciprocated.

Caleb offering Caduceus the book I've a harder time reading, as did Caduceus. He's clearly stumbling his way through trying to build a positive relationship of some kind. Caleb's been socially isolating himself for such a long time that any attempt to peak out of his shell is a bit startling. Caleb saw Caduceus being very kind to him when his best friend was being an asshole, and he had something he could offer in return. He was trying to practice returning kindness that wasn't so transactional, which he is very, very rusty at and unsure about.

Caleb was also unsure what value it would have to Caduceus. Caduceus is as backwoods as you can get, and clearly not that bright. Caleb was probably unsure if books were something that would ever interest him or be of any use to him. Remember that Molly was barely literate, so I can see why he wouldn't want to make assumptions. Also, this is Caleb making himself even more vulnerable by trying to share his dearest passion with someone else he feared would reject it.

There's clearly some form of attraction there from both of them, but let's look at a multi-layered attraction model view of it. It could be romantic or sexual from Caleb, but those seem to be tied up in a lot of old baggage. Taliesin explicitly said Caduceus isn't sexually or romantically attracted to Caleb (0:39:18), and Caduceus has frankly never expressed having either attraction at all.

We're clearly seeing emotional attraction, the desire to get to know someone better as a result of their personality. Both Caleb & Caduceus have been isolated and struggle expressing this in general. Caleb by withdrawing and not getting close, Caduceus by being overly friendly.

Caleb seems to have been testing intellectual attraction by offering the book. Caduceus is wise in ways Caleb is not; Caleb is smart in ways Caduceus is not. They complement each other. Intellectual attraction is the desire to explore how someone thinks and know them that way.

Caduceus obviously shows high sensual attraction to everyone. The desire to tactilely interact with people in a non-sexual way like hugging and cuddling (frankly, this is also just Taliesin). Caleb shies away from a lot of physical contact with people.

The UNC-Chapel Hill LGBT Center has a great article on multilayered attraction called "Asexuality, Attraction, and Romantic Orientation." It's linked on the Critical Role Campaign 2 Index, but Tumblr punishes external links. It's something developed in ace/aro discourse that applies to everyone and everyone should be aware of to better understand themselves and others. People can be attracted to certain genders more than others in any of these ways, and they might not line up. Gay ace and aro people exist and are just as valid, even if there's strict limits on the sort of relationship or physicality they want.

In examining character interrelationships, I think it's important to examine the context they've already given for their preferences. I've written an analysis of Caduceus already. He not only expressed no interest (or experience) in sex, he's tried to firmly avoid the subject every time it comes up and seems completely mystified that anyone thinks he should engage that way. Even in this conversation with Jester, he's lost for how to respond when she asks, "So, like, if you think something dirty, [Melora] knows?" (3:22:56)

Given that he's been clear, be it celibacy or asexuality, it makes me extremely uncomfortable when other people decide he should want sex (even as a joke) because that's a microaggression against ace and celibate people that happens CONSTANTLY. It's rape culture and gross.

Caduceus has also not particularly expressed any romantic attraction to anyone past or present, and he doesn't feel that way for Caleb. He was perfectly content on his own. He seems to just want friends. He hasn't expressed being against the idea, so this is uncertain.

Caleb, I don't have a clear read on, but he shows many signs of feeling too damaged for relationships at the moment. He has his hands full with friendships he's still scared of. It's possible he doesn't know what he's feeling at this point.

So, this is not to step on anyone's ship, but there are other equally interesting motivations & desires that could be at play here, which frankly line up with more evidence, & which have MUCH less representation. It'd be nice to not see those possibilities drowned out, especially given that we have a canonical answer.

The character growth here is significant, whatever the subtext. Caduceus reached out to comfort Caleb when everyone else was giving him a hard time. Caleb reached out as the very first person to offer Caduceus help on the quest he left home for. No one else has cared.

Some stronger bond was formed here between them. Some greater trust. Caduceus is getting through like Beau has, and it's built on a base of greater comfort, healing, and respect for goals. However it plays out will be fascinating.

3:38:57 Caleb: "I'm glad you are traveling with us." Caduceus: "Me too, I'm... I've never felt so helpful." It's brief, but Caleb actually warmly smiles.

Transcripts

Scenes run:

1. CR C2 Ep47 Jester asks what Melora knows, Caleb smells nice:  3:22:50 to 3:24:16

2. CR C2 Ep47 Caleb gives Caduceus to book: 3:38:12 to 3:39:09

3. TM 2019-01-15 How Caleb smells to Caduceus and attraction: 0:38:09 to 0:39:57

1. CR C2 Ep47 Jester asks what Melora knows, Caleb smells nice

3:22:50 Jester to Caduceus: "Do you think the Wildmother can hear your thoughts?"

Caduceus: "Well, I know the Wildmother can- knows everything."

3:22:56 Jester: "So, like, if you think something dirty, she knows?"

GIF: Caduceus looks confused.

Jester: "What if, like, you're thinking like, 'Oh mom, I've really got to poop?'"

Caduceus: "That's- I don't- I mean… Sure?"

Jester: "What if you're thinking, 'Oh man, you know, I think I smell a little bit today,"

Caduceus: "I've never really thought that."

Jester: "but what-I've got a booger in my nose…"

Caduceus, more anxiously: "Now I'm thinking about that. Oh man, I've got a booger in my nose." He curls in to one side rubbing the side of his nose."

Jester: "What if you think like, 'Ah, does my breath smell bad?' Do you think she thinks-"

Caduceus, alarmed: "No, does it?"

Jester: "Do you think- No, your breath smells fine, but I'm just won-"

Caduceus: "You're sure?"

Jester: "No, you smell pretty good."

Caduceus: "Oh, that's nice." He rubs the bridge of his nose again. "Ah, think about this."

3:23:31 Nott: "Speaking of stinky, Caleb, what'd we get? What's our stuff?"

3:23:37 Caleb, incredulous and perplexed: "I have been in the ocean for days, and days, and days, and days."

Travis: "He's the most sterile he's ever been."

3:23:42 Caduceus: "I think he smells great."

Jester, excitedly: "What did we get; what did we get; what did we get!"

3:23:46 Caleb: "Well, first I want you to admit that I have been washed from top to bottom for a month."

3:23:51 Caduceus, firmly: "I think you smell fantastic."

Jester: "Yeah, if anything you smell briny now."

Caleb, pointedly to Caduceus: "Well you're- You are a nice fellow."

3:23:57 Caduceus: "Thank you. But no, really, I do actually think you smell very nice."

3:24:03 Caleb, satisfied: "You see?"

Jester: "Yeah. I didn't say you were stinky. Nott said you were stinky, Caleb. I think you smell like salt and fresh air."

Nott: "Like a douche."

Caleb: "Revved up."

3:24:16

2. CR C2 Ep47 Caleb gives Caduceus to book

3:38:12 Taliesin: "I'm going to gather some of my stuff and go to the crow's nest."

Matt: "Okay."

Taliesin: "Big everybody good-"

Caleb: "Oh, uh…"

Caduceus: "Yeah?"

Caleb: "You're going up?"

Caduceus: "Yeah."

3:38:21 Caleb: "Do you like a good book?"

3:38:23 Caduceus: "I- I'm not going to be reading up there, but…"

3:38:25 Caleb: "I don't mean for tonight, in general."

3:38:27 Caduceus: "I- I'll admit I'm not the best reader, but… I've read a couple books."

3:38:33 Caleb: "But you have? Um… One of the books that we found in that… ball-o-fun is about the corruption of plants."

3:38:45 Caduceus: "I would be curious."

3:38:47 Caleb: "I thought you might be."

3:38:49 Caduceus: "I'll… If you could leave it in my- my quarters, that would be most agreeable."

3:38:54 Caleb: "Surely."

3:38:56 Caduceus: "Thank you."

3:38:57 Caleb: "Mmhm. I'm glad you are traveling with us."

3:39:00 Caduceus: "Me too. I'm uh… I've uh… never felt so helpful." He gives a half bow.

3:39:09

3. TM 2019-01-15 How Caleb smells to Caduceus and attraction

0:38:09 Brian: "[@asahi_azumane] Caduceus has mentioned in a couple of episodes that he likes how Caleb smells, is this just to refute the teasing from the others or does he find something comforting in Caleb's smell like Nila […] with her smell bag?"

0:38:36 Taliesin: "I'll actually, I've often just assumed that Caleb smells a little bit like peat moss."

Brian: "Oh, really?"

Taliesin: "Or just peaty and dirty…"

Travis: "Oh! Not manure, or fertilizer but…"

Taliesin: "Not manure…"

Brian: "No no, Pete Moss, the tennis player."

Taliesin: "but like peat moss, earthy. Just from, from… Yeah, Pete Moss."

Travis: "Yean he has the soil in his hands, and…"

0:38:03 Taliesin: "Yeah, well, 'cause he's got a pocket full of weird things that he uses and they're all kind of like interest- I don't- I think that it's more the teasing that he smells bad, I don't think he actually does."

Travis: "It's not a sandalwood fragrance?"

0:39:03 Taliesin: "I wish. That would be amazing! But, like, I actually think it's legitimately from a, 'No, I think he smells pretty good. I dunno.'"

Travis: "Yeah, earthy fellow. Alright."

Dani: "I appreciate Liam hitting his breaking point with that last episode, and be like, 'You HAVE to admit that I smell fine now!'"

0:39:18 Taliesin: "Yeah, no and, like, I think Clay is always… And it's not like a sexy thing, like, 'Woo, hey!' But like, you know, 'No, you smell great.'"

Travis: "You can compliment I fellow on his…"

0:39:27 Taliesin, firmly: "I will say he doesn't feel that way, though, but yeah. Yeah, he don't- he doesn't have a thing going on in that direction, but he's definitely like, 'Yeah, you're cool.'"

Travis: "Try telling Tumblr that."

Taliesin: "Tumblr is welcome to their own opinion, and I'm not going to disagree with them."

Travis: "Boy, I tell you."

Taliesin: "I am not going to stop anybody from having a good time with their…"

Dani: "Everyone can ship whatever they want to ship."

Taliesin: "Yep. Nope."

Brian: "Except female presenting nipples."

Dani: "Yep. No, Tumblr has a really bad problem…"

Travis: "Or lithium batteries. Most couriers have a problem with."

Brian: "They cracked down on that."

0:39:57

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[janiedean]

finn and poe’s sl in the last jedi: a few considerations

first thing to state: these two both needed to have some kind of journey from A to B in order to arrive at the ending that this movie had in mind and the set-up for IX, finn needed to deal with Some Issues that were there since TFA and poe needed a lot of screentime to make up for the fact that while he’s one of the main three, in TFA he had very limited screen time. now.

finn:

needed to work on his main **character flaw** that was stated in TFA, ie: he tends to go flight when in a flight or fight response, which is entirely understandable from his POV but not exactly useful if he has to, uh, *be in a rebel resistance*;

needed to know more people and see more beyond what he knew since he’s been a stormtrooper all his life and only ever worked for the first order and he can’t get around just knowing rey and poe and maybe leia but it’s not like they knew each other;

needed to see beyond his stormtrooper bringing up and get around, you know, having individuality;

what this movie did was addressing all of that by:

sending him away from the only two people he knows (okay, poe not so much because they were in contact always but still) so that he has the chance to, you know, leave and come back;

giving him a storyline with rose ie someone who has entirely good reasons to fight for the resistance and lost her family and everything she had and opened his eyes to other horrid shit the first order did (you know, he goes from ‘this town is beautiful’ to helping her tear it apart sooo) and who admires him first as an icon but then as himself and is willing to die for *him* without really owing him anything beforehand;

doing that, he realized which were his priorities, he fought for people other than his two friends, he realized that he wanted to be rebel scum (or did I dream that conversation with phasma) and by the end he was about to die for the cause when in the beginning his first thought was running (without even warning poe for that matter) so that he’d save his ass and rey’s. which is entirely understandable from his pov, again, but it was something the movie needed to address and is named character development, which he got in spades;

now he’s reunited with his friends, made more friends, knows his place in the world and doesn’t want to run anymore. mission accomplished.

poe:

needed more time to have his personality established given his lack thereof in TFA;

needed to be established as leia’s successor which this movie obviously was pointing at;

needed to learn the skills to be a good leader;

now, they could have shown him already being good at it, but thing is: this movie ran two hours and a half and no one wants a Perfect Protagonist Without A Flaw in movies, because it’s completely unrealistic and the fact that poe was a+++ amazing in TFA worked because we saw him less than the other two, if he was like that all the time he’d have been a gary stu.

so, what this movie did was addressing all of the above by:

giving him a hell of a lot of screentime which was used to show us that while he’s an excellent guy all around he does have some flaws;

(which are all by the way entirely consistent with his character because if he’s a hothead who likes to blow things up and fly in the middle of the action he most likely won’t consider that sometimes you have to retreat or that sometimes you have to look at saving lives rather than making sacrifices of most people you have before being left with a handful)

establishing that he and leia have definitely a parental/familial vibe because she basically treats him like she’d treat her own family and they’re familiar in ways you are not with your boss;

putting him in a situation where he realizes that acting rashly means you get demoted regardless of how good you are at your job;

giving him the tension with holdo which made him realize that you can be a good leader also by retreating and not ATTACKING all the time, that sometimes you have to buy time like that and that it’s not cowardly to run and that it’s not necessary to go around sacrificing your own life and others’s for the cause;

doing all of the above, he went from promising general to virtually effective leia substitute, because at the end of the movie he did exactly the contrary of what he did in the beginning, told finn what leia told him (to disengage), stopped finn from going after kylo and luke when he realized luke was buying them time so they could run, and leia herself told people to follow him and not her, which brings us to the conclusion that the infamous rewrites post-tfa most likely were to give him a larger role and effectively set him up to become the next general (also because let’s be real, if han died in VII and luke died in this one, leia was gonna die in the next one if carrie had lived to act in it, and all of them needed the new trio to pick up where they left from), and this when poe was a character who was supposed to be killed at the beginning of tfa.

like, they gave all of this hell of a storyline to a character who was supposed to not even survive the first movie, that’s how much they liked him and how much they accounted for the fans liking him.

so: what happened with this movie was giving them arcs with proper screentime for both which addressed points that couldn’t be addressed in TFA and set them up respectively to a) finn being a full part of the resistance where he’s staying by his own choice and where he’s made friends and found his own individuality and not forcing him to be it which would have happened if he stayed in the main ship for the entirety of tlj, he needed to leave and come back and get rid of his former boss/phasma to fully leave his past behind, b) poe being the new general of the resistance with leia’s full blessing and after we saw that he learned how to be one and we can trust him to take good decisions because he learned on his own skin what it means to take bad ones.

doesn’t seem to me like *character assassination*, except that of course we get to the crux of the problem which is, ‘stormpilot didn’t happen’ and ‘neither of them is confirmed gay’ and apparently that trumps everything else. ship discourse under the cut because this post is long.

now:

this is the middle movie of this trilogy. if stormpilot was gonna be a thing I highly doubt it’d have been a thing here since we’ve seen that people were clutching their pearls over freaking lefou in b&b and here we’re talking about main characters - if it was happening, it would happen next movie;

if they locked lips now it’d have been in a situation where finn literally knows no one except rey and poe and we don’t know anything about poe except that he’s a good pilot, he’s a nice guy and looks hot in leather jackets, which.. I mean, do we want them to establish their personality before thinking about them kissing?

neither of them was *confirmed gay* (though I mean with finn I guess he’d need some experimentation around to find out what he likes but never mind) and finn and rose kissed and poe was flirty-ish with rey so OMG HORRIBLENESS: you know, they could.... be bisexual. or pansexual. both of them. which would also mean they might be interested in women as well as each other. like, just a thought to consider;

the finn/rose kiss was her kissing him, not him kissing her, and like it could either go somewhere or it might not, but if it turns out that he likes her and they become canon and stormpilot doesn’t happen.... there’s nothing inherently horrible in finn liking rose who is a nice girl who went through a lot of shit and has all the reasons in the world to like him and tbh I find it really gross that I’ve read around ‘ew omg he kissed a girl how horrible’. I mean, back when TFA came out we were all rejoicing that we had a nice diverse ship and we were all having fun and sorry to break it to you but finn/rose is also a *diverse* ship so it’d be still fairly progressive to have it canon in a mainstream scifi movie. but now since finn kissed the wrong diversity it’s... a downgrade? like, you do realized how it sounds?

anyway, if finn/rose doesn’t go anywhere, the next person in line realistically to be his love interest (if he does have one by the end) is poe, not rey (who, as much as people around here like to deny, might have been set up to have a meaningful story with *ben solo* who is, sorry to say, not the horrible irredeemable villain a lot of people decided he is, and if you still think he is just go watch the OT and realize that the entire point of it was redeeming darth vader ie someone who did a lot worse than kylo but of course we all forget that SW is a franchise about redemption, huh?), and those two spent the entire movie worrying about each other, staying in contact if they were apart, let’s not go over the ‘finn is naked and wet’ part or finn wearing poe’s clothes for the entire thing or poe coming fully into his future-general self by ordering finn to retreat therefore saving his life rather than send him to sacrifice himself at all costs to take out that cannon (while most people who went after the cannon in the beginning died, including rose’s sister), which doesn’t seem to me like *nothing*. like, we had a lot of stormpilot interactions in this movie considering what they needed to do with it;

now, while it’s probably not likely that it might happen forreal or overtly (it’s still disney guys) saying that, considering all of the above, what I’m seeing was a movie that did both of them justice and didn’t sideline them or their relationship while also dealing with another ten storylines at once and if the point that makes everyone think they’ve been butchered was that they didn’t lock lips you know how it sounds like? like whatever these two characters do or stand up for it’s worthless unless they make out, or unless they’re **gay** (not even bi, gay), and therefore you’re basically reducing them to their PERCEIVED sexuality. ie they’re worth nothing if they aren’t the sexuality the fandom wants them to be, which sorry but a) it’s bullshit, b) it’s tokenism, c) it’s ASSUMING SOMEONE’S PERSONALITY ENDS AT THEIR SEXUALITY AND THEIR ACTIONS ONLY MATTER IN LIGHT OF THEIR SEXUALITY.

like, we have two main characters in the new trio who were given extensive screentime and storylines that brought them forward from the previous movie and gave them character evolution and development and brought them to a narratively better place and made them better people (never mind that if they get together in IX it’d be way healthier than if they had in this movie)........ and that somehow doesn’t matter because we didn’t get a confirmation that they would lock lips or that they prefer to bang men and actually one of them being kissed by a woman is seen as character assassination when in the first movie finn sure af wasn’t going around stating his sexual preferences if he even figured out any?

I mean, I’d like to think we’re watching these movies also for the plot and if poe and finn have to be lgbt rep other than minority rep maybe it’d be nice if they also had a personality to go with it, and possibly realistic too because people without flaws aren’t realistic and sure af the OT trio and prequel trio weren’t flawless people actually all the contrary, and this movie did nothing wrong in establishing it. but hey, seems like we only care about it if they kiss. does it sound woke to you? because to me, it doesn’t.

tldr: idk how this movie butchered either of them or did them wrong or ruined them (all the contrary), but if all the criticism’s point is OMG THEY AREN’T GAY AND THEY DIDN’T KISS then we don’t want well-written characters, we just want the ship. and honestly, making it everything about the ship while throwing everyone else under the bus (rose first and foremost) is hardly, like, progressive or anything, but whatever you like.

[solitarykairos]

On Preferences and Transphobia

What I did: I wrote a small post about how while preferences aren’t inherently transphobic, it is transphobic to refuse to date someone purely because they are transgender.

What happened: a bunch of gross TERF blogs reblogged the post and added some lovely transphobic comments.

Why? I don’t know. Maybe they were just feeling salty today.

I blocked the TERFs (because first and foremost, I have to take care of my mental health and I would rather not engage in that kind of discourse right now) and deleted their comments on the original post. One of the TERFs left a long list of things that they were salty about on my post. Ironically, the comment was longer than the original post. Funny how that works.

So here’s some thoughts on that list, kids:

1. You’re correct, sexual orientations are not preferences. I could have worded that better, and I apologize. While preferences was not the correct word, what I meant was simply that some people have certain genitals that they would prefer not to interact with. As a lesbian, you would likely not want to have sex with someone who had a penis.

And, small caveat, if you did, that’s totally fine, too! Because sexuality is a fluid thing, and there are women who don’t have vaginas. There are *gasp* trans women! I know that sounds terrifying to you, but honey, trans women are women. It doesn’t matter what they have in their pants, they’re women, and if you sleep with a trans woman or date a trans woman, you’re still a lesbian, don’t you worry. You’re still valid, because, again, trans women are women. So off the bat, get used to the fact that in the year of our lord twentygayteen, we support all women.

2. Yes, gay men are attracted to the same sex. They are also attracted to the same gender, because sex and gender are different things. In my original post, I stated an example. Let me explain that a little further, because I don’t think you understood it. Let’s say there’s a gay man, and let’s call him Andy. Let’s say I told Andy I was AFAB, or assigned female at birth, and had not had any trans affirming surgeries. I would be absolutely okay if Andy told me he didn’t want to sleep with me. He knows the specific details of my situation. He took the time to ask and be fully informed before declining. We go our separate ways, and stay close friends because hey, Andy’s awesome. And, yes, this is a true story! Sometimes, in the real world, people are adults and respect other people enough to be affirming of their identities. And Andy is a feminist, but he’s no TERF.

However, let’s say that this gay man tells everyone that he would never date anyone who is transgender. Blanket statement. Boo, Andy. I know, in the original post, you took offense to my talk of genitalia. I’m sorry that bothered you so much, but in the real world with real adults, you have to talk about that kind of stuff, because it’s important to know your partner well if you’re planning to sleep with them. So Andy decides he’s never going to date anyone who’s trans. Andy doesn’t understand that there’s a wide range of genitalia in the trans community. There are trans men who’ve had every surgery imaginable, and have fully transitioned to the point where you couldn’t tell (and don’t come up in here saying that you can “always tell”, because I, a trans person who is well acquainted with all sorts of genitalia and all sorts of transgender surgeries and such, slept with a transgender man a couple weeks ago and I did. not. know. until after the fact.)

Later in your reply, you called this incel logic, which, ew. Can we not compare a young trans person’s logic to the logic of a group of generally homophobic rape-apologizers? But I digress. I’m not saying that a gay man should absolutely have to sleep with every trans person he comes across or he’s transphobic. I’m saying that, if this gay man says that he won’t sleep with anyone who’s trans JUST BECAUSE they are trans? That’s transphobic. You don’t know what genitals someone has, and assuming that every single trans man has a vagina is a bad game. I’m absolutely not saying that anyone should force themselves to have sex with someone they don’t want to have sex with, because they shouldn’t. I’m saying that trans women are women, trans men are men, and you need all the information of the situation before automatically assuming that because they’re transgender, you won’t be attracted to them.

Here’s another example, just in case that one was also a little too hard for you to understand. I have another gay male friend, we’ll call him Stanley. Stanley likes to sleep around, and he’s good at it. Stanley recently slept with a trans man, and he didn’t like it as much because the trans man had not had surgery. I asked him if he would continue to sleep with trans men after the experience, and he said yes, but he would have a conversation with them beforehand about sex, genitalia, and STI protection, because that would help him decide better whether he and his partner would have a good, safe, enjoyable time. Stanley, a gay man, knows that trans men are men. Stanley also knows that genitalia come in many shapes, sizes, and variations, and understands that while he’s not attracted to vaginas, not. every. trans. man. has. a. vagina. And therefore, Stanley knows that he shouldn’t exclude trans men as an entire group.

3. This may be a revolutionary thought, but if you’re a gay man and you date a woman, you might not be gay. If you’re a lesbian and you date a man, you might not be a lesbian. And, because trans women are women and trans men are, in fact, men, guess what?

I’ll let you draw your own conclusions.

4. Sure. You can call me obsessed with genitals. That’s fine. As a trans person, I am obsessed with genitals. Wanna know why? Because I care about the people that I choose to have sex with. I care about informing them what they’re getting. I care about them informing me what I’m getting. If we don’t talk about genitals, if we don’t talk about sex, if we don’t talk about STIs and safe practices and contraception, someone’s going to end up getting hurt. And nope. Again, not incel logic. I’m not saying that anyone has to give me a chance in bed because I’m trans. I’m saying that if a person says that they won’t have sex with anyone who’s trans, that is a transphobic comment. Because, as we’ve already gone over multiple times, not every trans person has the same genitalia, or the genitalia you expect us to have.

Also, for the other TERF who commented that I’m probably a virgin-first of all, there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin, dude. Get off your old fashioned horse drawn carriage and stop shaming people who haven’t had sex. Secondly, I’ve done and continue to do sex work, so of all people, I’m pretty sure I know what I’m talking about when it comes to sex and genitalia.

5. Pump the brakes, buddy. If I were a less nice person, this is where I’d get mean. I am not a woman. I am a transmasculine person. My pronouns are not ““new””, they’re the pronouns that fit me the best. On that note, I’m not heterosexual either. I’m bisexual. I like men and women.

And you wanna talk about gay men and conversion therapy? You wanna talk about how you somehow think that, because I’m not a gay man or a lesbian woman, because I exist somewhere else on the queer spectrum, that I haven’t faced discrimination? Not that being gay should ever be a fucking discrimination marathon, but I’ve fucking been in shitty situations because of my queerness. When I came out to my parents, they told me not to come home again. I was homeless for a period of time this summer and was blessed enough to sleep on a friend’s couch. I’ve been yelled at, I’ve had people ask me what went wrong in my childhood, I’ve had letters written to the president of my university asking why I’m leading a group that makes being queer seem like an okay thing.

The last line of your post really tells me what I need to know, though. “shut the fuck up bc nobody asked you”. You’re right. You’re right, nobody asked me. Nobody asked Marsha P. Johnson. Nobody asked Harvey Milk. Nobody asked any of the other countless people who’ve given their entire lives over to make sure that people like us have the ability to walk the streets without fear. Nobody asked them, and yet? They spoke up anyways.

If you think that I’m going to shut my mouth and live in shame because people like you don’t like the fact that I, a transgender person, can live openly and with pride now, you’ve got another thing coming.

You’re right, nobody asked me. That’s exactly why I’m still talking.