#but as a finn i gotta root for my own

[erinaonice]

🙏🕯️clean programs and season's bests to all of team finland🕯️🙏

[unseemingowl]

Saga Anderson, and Nordic rep in Alan Wake 2

Early on in Saga Anderson’s exploration in Alan Wake 2, she runs into Ilmo Koskela. Fiercely proud of his Finnish heritage, Ilmo gregariously makes note of Saga’s Nordic sounding name and the familiar design of her knitted sweater. Perhaps a fellow Finn?

Alas no, Saga’s mom is Swedish she informs him. Immediately Ilmo’s face falls. I’m not sure if it’s actually just the animated character defaulting to his resting face, but either way the timing is too perfect. Cue uproarious laughter from me. People in the Nordics are on friendly terms of course, but we gotta have the tiniest bit of… scornfor each other. All in good fun of course. It’s traditional.

Now, I’m Danish, not Finnish, but still, I feel right at home in the towns of Bright Falls and Watery in Alan Wake 2. All of the little nods to Nordic culture and mindset feel so wonderfully familiar to me. The melancholia, the irreverent sense of humor, the affection for the Finnish and Swedish quirks of the characters. The game feels all the stronger in tone and narrative for Remedy embracing the Finnish roots of the studio.

Which is exactly why it sucks that I almost immediately saw the charm of those narrative decisions weaponised against Saga.

I first watched the scene between Ilmo and Saga on a lets play when I was trying to figure out if I should finally dip my toes into survival horror and buy the game. Delighted by the writing I took a look into the comments to see if people were vibing as hard with it as I was. They were. But I also saw a comment that made me frown.

Paraphrasing, it basically went, come on, like hell a guy like Ilmo would make the assumption that a black woman is Finnish. There are a multitude of reasons why I think that person was wrong, mainly that Nordic people love it when we run into each other in other countries, but it also just made me sad.

Saga being black does not negate her Swedish heritage. Formally, she is American, sure (I assume, not sure how that works in the US), but she’s raised by her single Swedish mom, of course she’s going to identify heavily with that part of her herself. It’s a profound and essential part of who she is.

But hey, I’m a white potato Dane, so I’m not gonna argue that I know much about the experience of being biracial. I’m gonna stick to what I know, which is that Saga is a very moving and beautiful example of something that I’m actually not used to seeing much of - a story about connecting with your Nordic heritage and roots. And it’s part of why I love her so much.

When Nordic people show up in big, international productions, it’s usually as Vikings, and sure, it’s fun to see our wild ancestors, but contemporary questions of Nordic identity and heritage is not something I often see explored. Not even in our own productions.

So much of Saga’s story is about family. Fighting for her current one, Logan and Casey (and sure, David too, lol), and rediscovering her first one. Tor and Odin.

Her discovering her ties to Tor and Odin is profoundly moving and made me teary-eyed several times over. And sure, a lot of those ties are fantastical in nature, but they still feel very much grounded - and what makes us Nordic if not the ties to our myths and legends that Tor and Odin have made themselves the living avatars of.

While Saga’s mom, Freya, had good reasons for leaving the Anderson seer magics behind, seeing them as part of what made her family fucked up, she also cut Saga off from the fullness of her capabilities. It is only through Saga reforming her family, healing its scars and fully embracing the Anderson heritage that she becomes as powerful a parautilitarian as she is at the end of the game. That’s beautiful.

And in fact I think Saga being black only deepens the richness of those themes rather than negate them or make them irrelevant. Because yes, Saga’s story would have been moving if she was a white character too, but I am very well aware that a lot of biracial people of Nordic ancestry can feel alienated from that part of themselves. Not least because questions of who gets to claim a Nordic heritage can get pretty ugly around here. There are most definitely people who share the racist mindset of that commentator. It adds an extra dimension. Which is why seeing Tor and Odin’s eagerness to claim Saga as part of the Anderson heritage is all the more moving. Through her magics, she’s just so obviously an Anderson, and they’re so damn proud to call her theirs and fight alongside her. Because they all got that wild Viking blood in them. They’re part of her and she’s part of them.

Roger Ebert, the film critic once called movies empathy machines. I think games, when they’re at their best, can be an even more intense variation of that. Which is exactly why it baffles me that some people can play through Alan Wake 2 and still think Saga is a stunt-woke character rather than someone fully and beautifully integrated in the narrative. A narrative which, at its most basic level – in my opinion – is about the mystical bonds we form with each other and the rest of the world through art and love and blood and family and heritage. All the great horror doesn’t negate that either, it amplifies it. Kind of like that clicker.

[blenselche]

Before Fern returned, what was going on with Finn after the W. O. G (war of Gumbald)?

Before he had the memoir tattoo;

he must've been contemplating lots of heavy stuff after Jake's passing.. (-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩___-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩)

My other au dives into this but I'll condense it. Kinda long so I'm putting it under a cut. (I'm not good at condensing things.)

The comics imply that he moves somewhere between the border of Mountain Kingdom and the Grasslands, living on his own in a cabin after the war/before he finds his van. I usually hc him as taking up an arborist position to keep busy/be better able to know how to care for Fern, but w/ Fern not turning into a tree I think he'd be more fulfilled exploring around Lizard Kingdom/the city ruins and learning about human culture. He'd help with the second war (comic Season 11's unfinished ending) and get a real fatigue for conflict but fall back into hyper aggressive hero work after Jake's passing. So, flip flopping between hanging w/ pacifist societies and going out of his way to find a fight.

My version of Finn's got perpetration induced traumatic stress & I don't think he'd actively contemplate anything too close to the root of his issues, he's not the type to think of himself first. "I'm the helper, not the helped," kind of mindset. He gets into home brewing, learns basic herbal healing from HW and takes up leather and wood working. He'd probably do some labor work for KKW and do concert set up/break down for FP and Marceline since he's got a vehicle. Once Minerva shuts her personality matrix off he fully withdraws into himself/away from his friends and family. If one of them has a face that needs punching he's good for it but he turns real avoidant. You can't get hurt if you don't let people close to you, and he's real hurt from losing so many of his loved ones in such a short amount of time. (I gotta assume Jermaine passes soon before or after Jake.)

Basically he turns into an alcoholic hermit but is hardly introspective about it. Fern actually almost thrives while he's away.

[castlebyersafterdark]

AHHHH i am just in time to see that lyrical post about finn! just for me! thanks hahahhahah

I gotta say... agree 🤭🤭🤭 and it speaks volumes about you vin. an emotional boy beneath all the horn. youre so sweet. what a gem.

one of my fav finn things not seen mentioned is the way he walks and stands. his feet are very opened-out, sort of like mary poppins style haha. it's a really particular thing i always notice, when people are pointed outwards, straight, or inwards. i dance so i am often drawn to people's feet and how they are positioned.

i think it says so much about how someone carries themselves and what they think of themselves, plus a combo of genetics and physicality. finn is lanky and probs only a few years into successfully navigating his body in terms of not being all over the place like spaghetti. i always think he looks like he's walking around his own feet haha.

whereas noah is very demure, hips coinked, knee bent, like he's trying not to take up too much space, like he's trying to keep his legs closed.

finn has a loping gait and turned out feet, interesting combo. and noah is just so delicate and graceful yet also clumsy? again, interesting combo. honestly, these physicalities are what led to my suspicions about their sexualities, as stereotypical as it may seem, because underneath cultural assumptions, we DO show off who we are through our body language, especially when sexuality is still latent. neither of them adopt deliberate queer mannerisms, so i don't think it's a case of 'theyre so camp'. i dont see any floppy wrists or lighthearted performative gestures (tho there was one tiktok where noah accidentally flopped his wrist and then looked horrified, as if who am i? this was shortly after he came out haha)

but otherwise, their physicalities are unique to them but speak to me of people who are not completely comfortable in their own bodies full stop, sexuality aside. we know finn has anxiety, but it seems noah's main cause for hiding WAS his sexuality. so its interesting to look at finn's postures and body language and wonder whether sexuality might be a root cause of his lack of self confidence too.

Always a pleasure letting my imagination run and letting the words flow with little regard for holding back. That's why I call things visions - I like approaching stuff here stream of conscious style with writing whether it's a drabble or goofy post or HC. Ponder and ponder and once my brain formulates what I'm feeling - go. Type without abandon haha. And yeah... I do agree that I'm one ruled by my emotions. The spicy sexy horny vibes is a catalyst from the root cause, the emotional core. That's me. I would absolutely call myself a romantic above all else, with pride 😊🥰

Interesting observations, I'm loving all this! Because you're so right, putting things into words I noticed but couldn't articulate just right? Finn has a very particular body language and physical energy. It's definitely that of someone who at one point was very insecure and awkward in their own skin but now has grown into a confident man, but still cooking a little. Its really different but we can see that clearly with him. Mary Poppins style is killllllling me but I know exactly what you mean! And then so does how you've described Noah. Clumsy grace is perfect for him. He seems like someone in real life when he's going about probably has terrible spatial awareness so he's walking into stuff but being so awkwardly endearing about it and it makes you just want to grab him and pull him close to you, away from disaster and spacey klutz moments which... yeah, that's kind of cute so totally him 🤭

I always find behaviourial analysis and observation so interesting as a subject because there's so much about identity and culture and even sexuality that informs a person's entire demeanor, that line between personality and individualism and stereotypes and reality. The way you notice things about people and are looking for hints because sometimes you gotta admit - you're looking. You're assuming. We don't have signs over our heads or have the capability to scan over someone and see their details and stats like a video game. Patterns and familiar traits. Someone you know of acts a certain way, has a mannerism, then you see it through someone else so you paste notions you're familiar with onto them. That kinda thing.

Anyway, all this is to say it's reasons hard to explain and can be accurate or totally off base, but there are definitely mannerisms and energy that reads off them both as very familiar, very queer, and asking me to detail why - instinctive. Could be wrong, but I roll with it for now. Noah is an interesting case because to me I'd be counted among the people who would not feel shocked, within the "we know," when he came out. His speaking manner was a main thing that tipped it for me to be honest? He just had a way. A way I really like and admire! But to me it felt like a tell. And I get that, because I've heard that about myself once I stopped trying to hide me. I don't know what it is. But the expressiveness in gesture and voice tone sometimes... I get it. It's very trye, like you said, certain things just bleed through and why does it correlate to identity, the way I roll my eyes or verbally phrase a question? WHY is it a tell? But it can be. Or it cannot, and that's assumption and stereotypes. The tightrope. It's complex, humans are so complex.

But it's the approach. Are we discerning this for what reason? Mockery and harassment - that's the negative that assumption and stereotypes fuel. But kinship and celebration and solidarity and support, community? All the happier side of the coin. The most basic example of all - seeing someone's swishy arm gesture, does someone else read that as 😏😊 or 😒🙄 to make it pictoral.

their physicalities are unique to them but speak to me of people who are not completely comfortable in their own bodies full stop, sexuality aside. we know finn has anxiety, but it seems noah's main cause for hiding WAS his sexuality. so its interesting to look at finn's postures and body language and wonder whether sexuality might be a root cause of his lack of self confidence too.

This is very much something I think smacks the nail right into the wall. A big part of the why and how for what I think some of us have conjectured this about him. Sums the root observation up right there.

[heyitssmiller]

Frosted Windowpanes Part Two

I have no idea why this was so hard to write? Part one just came so easily and this... not so much. But here it is! All the holiday tropes! Christmas puns (thank you to all of y’all who gave me ideas for those)! Falling in love!

As always, @donttouchmycarrots is my hero for proofreading!! Love you <3

@lumosinlove Guess who’s back to borrow your characters ;) Thank you so much!!

Part One if you missed it!

.

Finn had a Plan.

Well, half a Plan.

Maybe.

Step one: meet up with Logan and Leo again. Step two: woo them. Step three: …

Well, it wasn’t much. And it was very vague. But Finn’s plans tended to never go the way he wanted them to anyway, so vague was usually for the best. And so far, it had been going well. They’d grabbed dinner several times, ran into each other at the store or buying Christmas presents downtown. And on Monday the diner was closed, so Finn and Leo spent hours at the farm helping where they could and pestering Logan. He was so fun to tease – he got all gruff and grumpy and adorable. Leo seemed to think so, too, if the number of times he teamed up with Finn to make Logan get all red was anything to go off of.

At the beginning of all this, Finn had thought he’d been overdramatic. He’d woken up the morning after first meeting Logan and Leo and assumed he’d been tired and jet-lagged and was imagining all those feelings he’d felt the night before.

And then he’d met up with them again.

Love at first sight wasn’t real. Finn knew this. But being here, meeting Logan and Leo, just might have been enough to change his mind. It made no sense, but – well, here he was. The past few days were happy, rose-tinted, and Finn couldn’t believe his luck. What were the odds that he’d find both of them in this sleepy little town?

So here he was, pulling into the parking lot of Leo’s for a cup of coffee and a healthy serving of sweet southern blond.

Leo was out front, shoveling snow and looking absolutely miserable while doing it. He was bundled in a thick coat and hat, scarf wrapped high around his neck. Finn laughed under his breath as he turned his car off and braved the cold. Poor southern boy. Leo glanced up at him briefly when he approached, then did a double take.

“Morning, sunshine.” Finn said with a cheeky grin. “Enjoying the snow day?”

Leo’s resulting grumpy look made Finn laugh. “I’ll take that as a no.”

“Nate called and said he can’t make it to work today because the roads are so bad.” Leo took a deep breath, and then the rest of his words came out in a jumbled, rushed mess. “Which isn’t his fault and I’m not blaming him at all. But I haven’t started cooking and we open in thirty minutes and there’s no coffee brewing and nowhere for people to park because of this goddamn snow and so I’m stuck shoveling snow instead of cooking and I’m so far behind-”

Finn gently pressed a finger to Leo’s lips, halting the nervous ramblings. Leo looked down at his finger, then back up to meet Finn’s eyes.

Oh, he was so gorgeous.

Finn had to force himself to focus on the matter at hand instead of cherry-red lips and soft baby blues. “Relax, ok? And hand me the shovel. I’ll do this, while you get on inside and start cooking.”

“But – Finn,” Leo said, and wow did he love the sound of his voice in that southern twang.

“Leo,” He echoed with an attempted accent, eliciting a smile from the blond.

“I can’t just ask you to work. You’re on vacation.”

“First of all, you didn’t ask – I offered. And the friends I’m visiting are both at work,” Finn explained, “so I’ve been left to my own devices for the day.”

Leo winced in sympathy. “Bless your heart.”

And see, Finn had done his research. He’d googled New Orleans, the state of Louisiana, and the south in general. And he’d learned that southerners were very confusing – more confusing than people gave them credit for. They were polite and kind to everyone, even if they definitely didn’t mean it. The phrase “bless your heart” could mean they either absolutely adored you or they thought you were the worst person on the planet.

Finn really hoped it wasn’t the latter. He didn’t think it was the latter, anyways.

“I’m literally dying of boredom. I’ll shovel the snow, and then I can come help you cook!” At Leo’s skeptical look, Finn brought out the big guns: his puppy dog eyes. They were known to melt even the hardest of hearts. He’d learned this lesson in college when asking his Grinch of an Ethics professor for some extra credit. “Please?”

Leo hesitated, but Finn could see the exact moment he caved. “Alright. But you’re getting paid.”

“Absolutely not. Consider it a Christmas gift.”

“I’ll pay you in food and coffee.”

“Deal.” Finn said, grabbing the shovel from Leo’s mittened hands. “Like I could ever say no to your food.”

Leo’ smile, warm and a little bashful, probably could’ve thawed the snow on the pavement if it was directed that way. “What would you like: sweet or savory?”

“Sweet,” Finn said instantly, even though he really preferred savory. His one-track mind was still stuck on dimples. “But I take my coffee black.”

“Comin’ right up.”

Finn watched him go, knowing that he had the dopiest smile on his face. Today was going to be a good day. And he knew a way to make it even better.

Finn dialed the number for Tremblay’s Trees, hoping more than anything that Logan would be the one to pick up. But of course he wasn’t that lucky. A bright, cheery voice answered the phone - definitely not Logan. “Tremblay’s Trees!0 This is Thomas, how can I help you?”

“Uh,” Finn said articulately, “Hi, I’d like to talk to Logan. Is he there?”

There was a slight pause, then: “Maybe. Who’s asking? And how do you know our dear Lolo?” The voice sounded curious, if not a little mischievous. Before Finn could answer, though, there was a scuffling over the line.

“Talker, give me the phone.”

“Oh, come on, I’ve got the five o’clock news slot tonight. Give the people what they want, Logan! Who’s your mystery caller?”

“I swear to god-”

The scuffling sound got louder, then there was a loud clatter when Finn assumed the phone hit the ground. He jerked his own phone away from his ear with a wince. “I am very confused.” He stated, not sure if anyone else heard him.

There was a small, softer rustle, then a breathless voice asked, “Hello?”

Finn couldn’t help but smile. “Hi, Lolo.”

That laugh was just as wonderful over the phone as it was in person. “Please don’t call me that.”

“Mmm… I might need to be convinced.” Finn said, letting some flirtiness slip through. “Anyways, I’ve got an idea. You busy today?”

“I’ve got the morning off. Why, what did you have in mind?”

So Finn, with the phone pressed between his shoulder and his ear, told the story of this morning as he shoveled – Nate not being able to make it to his shift, the ice and snow in Leo’s parking lot, Leo being behind on cooking and acting anxious. “So I was thinking we could do something? Like a surprise? And I know you guys need to actually sell things and make a living and stuff but I was thinking about decorating the diner? He just works so hard and he’s so stressed and I feel like he could use a little holiday cheer. What do you think?”

The other voice from earlier must have shouted, because he was loud enough to hear over the phone. “Phone guy! What the hell did you say to make him melt like that?”

Logan punched Talker in the shoulder. Hard. “I will lock you in the closet, Talker. Shut. Up.” His attention was brought back to the phone by Finn’s laugh and his demeanor softened again. He’d never met someone as chaotically considerate as Finn O’Hara. It was such a sweet, thoughtful idea. And it was something to help out Leo? How could Logan say no?

“Sounds like a plan.” Logan said, cradling the phone closer to his ear. “Most people already have their decorations so we don’t have a whole lot left, but I’ll see what I can find.”

“Perfect! Oh this is going to be so fun – fuck, I’ve gotta go. Customers just showed up. But I’ll see you soon, yeah?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“Great. Ok see you soon bye!” The words reached Logan in a rush before the line went dead.

What a dork.

Logan was pretty sure he was half in love with him.

“So…” Talker said suddenly, making Logan spin around quickly. “Who are you pining over?”

Noelle, who had been passing by on her way to the kitchen, backpedaled in order to join the conversation. “Are we talking about Logan’s love life? Because I’m so here for that.”

Logan sighed and went to the coat rack by the door, grabbing his coat, toque, and scarf. “I’m not having this conversation with you.”

They both promptly ignored him. Talker grinned at his fiancée, sensing trouble he could get into. “He’s become such a sap.”

Noelle snuggled up to Talker, turning her teasing gaze to her brother. “But if it’s who I’m thinking of, they have such good chemis-tree.”

“Did you guys practice this or something?”

“Hey man, don’t be so defensive.” Talker said, voice turning serious. “You know we’re all rooting for you.”

“I hate you both so much.”

“Aww, don’t be like that, Lolo.” Noelle sighed, giving him an over-the-top hug and obnoxious kisses to his cheek. “We’re just having some fun. Do you want us to stop needling you?”

“I’m having fun fir sure!” Talker shouted, then burst into raucous laughter, which stopped as abruptly as it started. “Wait. That wasn’t Leo on the phone. You've got eyes for someone other than him, now? Branching out a little, are we?"

“No.” Logan said instantly, then winced. Because his feelings for Leo definitely hadn’t changed. But then there was Finn… “Maybe. It’s complicated, ok?”

“The redhead that was hanging out with you and Leo on Monday?”

Logan felt his cheeks heat up but didn’t say anything. Monday had been the best, though. Showing the two of them the farm and how he did his job and watching their noses and cheeks turn adorable shades of pink from the cold. Even though he’d been there for a year, Leo still seemed in awe of all the snow. He clearly hated it, but Logan could tell he still found wonder and beauty in a clean blanket of undisturbed, freshly-fallen snow. Finn, even though he was clearly freezing too, kept cracking jokes the entire time, his voice muffled by his scarf. They’d walked and talked and learned more about each other among the saplings that would be full-grown and ready to be cut down by next season.

Yeah, Monday had been a great day.

And Logan was so screwed.

“Birch, please.” Noelle teased, then softened. “But really, Logan. Both of them were just as interested in you as they were in each other. You’ve got nothing to worry about, you just need to talk to them.”

He looked up from the buttons of his coat. “You think so?”

“Only one way to find out. What are you doing with them today?”

“We’re decorating the diner.” Logan pulled his hat on and looked over at his sister. “Do you think dad’ll be ok with me taking some garland and a wreath?”

Noelle scoffed. “With all the coffee and pastries you boy’s given us, I think he’s more than paid for it. Do you want company?”

“No.”

“Oh, come on,” Talker said, wiggling his eyebrows. “We’d make the perfect wingmen.”

“You did enough while I was on the phone, thanks.” Logan said, grabbing the keys from the counter. “Ok I’m headed out. See you later.”

Talker and Noelle sent a chorus of boos after him, only stopping when the door closed firmly behind him. He huffed out a laugh, shook his head, and headed towards the display counter to grab decorations. They were a little old since it was so close to Christmas day, but they’d have to do. Logan hesitated for a split second, then grabbed the Santa hat as well. They’d get a kick out of that. He threw the decorations in the back of the truck and took off down the road.

.

They actually worked really well together – Leo and Finn, that is. Finn dealt with customers while Leo made the food. They had a complex, intricate dance around the close quarters of the diner but they seemed to know the footwork already and could predict exactly what the other needed without blinking an eye. Leo peered out the kitchen window at Finn as he took orders at another table, laughing at something one of the women said. He was good at this. He was naturally outgoing and good with people, but he was also efficient and seemed to be able to keep track of twenty different things at once.

Leo frowned thoughtfully down at the grits on the stove. Logically, he shouldn’t like Finn. The redhead had appeared like a whirlwind and thrown everything off course. But then he went out of his way to be helpful and sweet and thoughtful even though it didn’t benefit him in any way. He had a big heart with a lot of love to give. And he gave it willingly to everyone, it seemed.

Don’t get him wrong, that was a good thing – it was a great thing. But it also made the past few days incredibly confusing. Was Finn treating Leo like everyone else, or did he want something more?

He definitely wanted something more with Logan, though. That much was obvious.

Leo just wasn’t sure how he fit into all of this.

Finn barging into the kitchen snapped Leo out of his thoughts. He looked up as Finn started looking around for something on the counters and shelves, tongue poking out in concentration. Leo couldn’t help but smile at the little detail.

“What are you looking for?” He asked, stepping away from the stove.

“The, um…” Finn said, trailing off as he continued to search, clearly distracted. “The spicy maple sauce for the chicken and waffles.”

“In the fridge.” Leo stated plainly, maneuvering around Finn to grab flour from the pantry, brushing against his back as he did so and trying to ignore how the simple touch heightened his awareness of the redhead. Finn threw open the fridge door, scanning the shelves.

“Where?”

“Second shelf from the bottom, on the right.”

A few seconds of silence, then: “Where?”

Leo laughed, dumping a cup of flour into a bowl and heading to the fridge. He peered over Finn’s shoulder, then reached around him with one long arm to grab the bowl of sauce. “Right in front of you, sweetheart.” He teased. Finn turned around so that he was facing Leo, a look that Leo had seen a lot in the past few days but still couldn’t identify on his face.

“Yeah,” was all he said, soft and a little strangled.

Leo looked away from those deep, brown eyes and down at the sauce. His heartrate picked up significantly. “Have you tried this yet?” At Finn’s shake of his head, Leo grabbed a spoon from a nearby drawer. “Figured I’d combine my roots with where I ended up, y’know? Tabasco, black pepper, maple syrup, and a few more secret ingredients.” He said with a wink, spooning some out and holding it out to Finn. “I’m pretty proud of it, if I do say so myself. Try it.”

Instead of grabbing the spoon from Leo, Finn just leaned forwards and tasted the sauce straight from the spoon in Leo’s hand. Leo’s breath hitched and his stomach swooped as Finn straightened again and met his eyes.

Oh, he could stare into those eyes forever. Eyes the same color of the coffee Finn had slid through the kitchen window about an hour ago with the words, “figured you could use some” before dashing off to clear another table. Leo had turned beet red, but grabbed the coffee and held it close before taking a sip.

Leo also hadn’t realized how close they were. The diner was small and the kitchen was cramped, but they definitely didn’t need to be standing this close. Not that Leo was complaining.

“Is it hot in here?” Finn murmured, gaze flitting from Leo’s eyes down to his lips and back again.

Leo seemed a little lost, too, leaning closer to the redhead without even realizing he was doing it. “Must be the sauce.”

It definitely wasn’t just the sauce.

The chime that alerted them to the front door opening startled both of them, forcing them to jerk away from each other and blush furiously.

“I, uh, I’m going to go check on that.” Finn said, still not looking away from Leo as he backed up.

“Ok.” Leo whispered, reaching back to grab the island behind him in an attempt to steady himself. Finn reluctantly tore his eyes away and disappeared from sight, leaving Leo reeling in the kitchen as he entered the dining area.

Finn’s mind was still back in the kitchen, wishing more than anything that he hadn’t been forced to step away. He’d never wanted to kiss someone senseless quite as much as he did right then. And how was he supposed to keep it together when all he wanted to do was flip the diner sign from open to closed and get Logan here and finally talk to them. They’d felt this pull - this magnetism - too. He knew they did. The only thing left to do was finally talk about it. 

Finn was forced to snap back to the present when the counter was suddenly covered in green needles, red berries, and festive ribbons. He looked up to see Logan grinning at him. Under his coat he was wearing red plaid, which matched the Santa hat perched on his head.

How was it possible to want two people so much at the same time? He couldn’t breathe with all the emotions overflowing in his chest.

“Ho ho ho,” Logan attempted to say, but cracked up before he could finish. Finn grinned and laughed as well, stepping forward to greet him.

“You should’ve used the chimney.” Finn joked, tugging on the end of his hat playfully. He got a smile and sparkling green eyes in return. Finn bit back a dreamy sigh. “But really, thank you. Leo’s gonna love this.”

Logan’s face grew a little worried. “How is he?”

Ha.

Haha.

That was a good question, since Finn left him standing there in the kitchen with the spoon still in his hand, looking a little lost.

He ended up shrugging, glancing back at the kitchen door longingly. “Better now. Still seems tired.”

“We’re going to have to force him to take breaks, aren’t we.” It wasn’t a question.

“Probably. If we tag team, I think we can manage to make it happen.” Finn looked down at the decorations. “So where are we putting these?”

Logan looked around the dining area, giving Finn a perfect view of his profile. He longed to kiss that strong jawline so badly, holy shit. “We could hang some over the kitchen window and some around the front window. And the wreath can go on the door.” Finn followed Logan as he maneuvered his way around tables to the front window, eyeing it critically. “The frame is wide enough that it should stay up on its own, so we won’t need nails or anything.” He grabbed the garland from the counter and then turned back around. Finn looked from him to the tall crown molding around the window.

“Need a ladder?”

“No.”

Finn laughed, grabbing one end of the garland and stretching up to place it on the ledge. Once it was secure, he looked over his shoulder at Logan and stuck his hand out for the other end. Logan hesitated, clearly wanting to do it himself, but quickly admitted defeat and handed it over. He huffed at Finn’s smug smile.

“Shut up.”

Finn laughed as he hung the garland. Logan was so small and grumpy and cute. Finn wanted to bundle him up in his arms and never let go. His little pocket-sized lumberjack. How adorable. He was so different from Leo, in basically every way. And yet Finn still wanted them both. How the hell did that work? 

“I should probably check on the customers.” Finn said reluctantly, glancing around at the breakfast crowd. “Do you think you can manage the kitchen window?”

“I got it.” Logan grumbled, sizing up his next target. Finn just shook his head fondly and started making his rounds to the occupied tables. Logan grabbed the remaining garland and headed behind the counter. He couldn’t help but stick his head through the window and look around. It was several degrees warmer in the kitchen than it was in the dining area. Logan was surprised at how tidy it was, considering how hectic the morning had been. There were a few scattered dishes in the sink, but the counters were mostly clean and organized, each bowl seemed to have a designated location. Leo, focused with his head down, maneuvered between stations with an effortless grace as he breaded a chicken tender and threw it into a frier. Logan never thought he’d be so entranced by something as simple as cooking but here he was, watching Leo hum along to the Christmas music on the radio as he poured batter into a waffle iron. He grabbed a mug of coffee off to the side and looked up as he took a sip, jumping when he saw Logan.

“Logan! Hey, honey!” He smiled, like seeing Logan was the highlight of his day. Logan yearned at the sight of that smile. He seemed to be doing a whole lot of yearning lately. “When did you get here?”

“Just a few minutes ago. Brought you something.”

Leo arched an eyebrow. “That sounds a little ominous.”

“No,” Logan laughed. “No, it’s a good thing.” He held up the garland and wiggled it around a little, causing it to sway in the air.

Leo’s entire face lit up. “Christmas decorations?”

“It was Finn’s idea.” Logan said, looking back over his shoulder at the redhead. Leo visibly softened, smile gentle and eyes warm.

“He sure is sweet, isn’t he?”

You just need to talk to them, Noelle’s voice echoed in Logan’s head. Looking at Leo right then, he couldn’t help but think that maybe she was right.

.

“Sure is snowing hard out there, eh?” Logan asked several hours later as he looked out the window. It was a strange lull in the day – too late for lunch, but too early for dinner. They were all grateful for the break. Logan honestly wasn’t sure how Leo did this every day – it was exhausting.

Finn, who was sitting on the other side of the booth from Logan and Leo with his legs stretched out, pulled up the weather app on his phone. “It’s only supposed to get worse. They’re calling for a blizzard.”

Leo looked out at the snow worriedly. “I really don’t wanna drive home in all that.”

“Might need to close up early, then. No one’s going to be out in this weather, anyways.” Logan said, watching Leo bite his lip as he thought about it. “I could drive you, if you want.”

Leo looked over at him, relief clear in his eyes. “Would you?” He rushed to continue, “I don’t wanna inconvenience you or anything, and I know you need to get home too-”

“Leo,” Logan cut in with a smile. If Leo didn’t know Logan would do pretty much anything for him at this point, he was clearly oblivious. “I don’t mind, I promise.”

Leo seemed to accept it without further argument and looked over at Finn. “Do you wanna tag along? I was thinking about making cookies.”

“Well that depends.” Finn said with mock gravitas, leaning forward to rest his forearms against the table. “What kind of cookies are we talking?”

Leo matched his pose, mischief alight in his eyes. “I was thinking snickerdoodles, but I’d be willing to reconsider.”

“Sneak in some sugar cookies we can decorate and you’ve got yourself a deal.”

Leo and Finn shook on it, keeping it professional.

Logan was infatuated with the two of them.

“So you’re closing early?” He asked, excited at the prospect of spending the rest of the day with them. At Leo’s nod, he nearly sighed with relief. “Good. You need a break.”

Leo rolled his eyes, but smiled all the same. “Maybe I do.”

Finn grinned. “He finally admits it!”

“Ok, ok, I get it.” Leo sighed, shoving Logan’s shoulder repeatedly until he got out of the booth. Leo followed after him. “I’ve got to put stuff away in the kitchen and then I’ll be done.”

Logan and Finn shared a look before trailing after him. They worked together to clean up, put food away, and organize the receipts and cash register for the day. It went much faster with three people. Before they knew it, all three of them were piling into Logan’s pickup truck, bundled up against the cold and brushing freshly-fallen snowflakes off of their coats and out of their hair. Logan pulled out onto the road, driving while Leo gave directions from the passenger’s seat.

Leo’s house was nice – small, but it looked warm and well-loved. There was a snowman out front, complete with a scarf and carrot nose.

“Cute.” Finn said as they got out of the truck, walking up to the snowman. Leo smiled, fishing his keys out of his pocket.

“My friend’s little brother made that over the weekend.” He unlocked the front door and ushered everyone inside as he held the door for them. Leo’s house was all cool tones – soft blue and purples and greens. There was a tree in the corner of the living room by the window, all lit up and decorated. There were presents under the tree, wrapped in brown paper with ribbons and bows.

Leo hung his coat on the coat rack and took Logan’s and Finn’s from them. “So. Cookies?”

“Nope,” Logan said, grabbing Leo by the hand and tugging him towards the living room. “Rest first, then cookies.” Leo laughed, reaching behind him to find Finn’s arm and pulling him along with them.

“I won’t say no to a Christmas movie.” He agreed as they all collapsed onto the couch. Finn grabbed a blanket from the arm of the couch and threw it over the three of them while Leo grabbed the TV remote.

Logan moved closer under the pretense of getting under more of the blanket. He was now pressed up against Leo, butterflies in his stomach. “My vote is for Die Hard.”

Finn scoffed, throwing his legs over Leo’s and Logan’s thighs. “That doesn’t count as a Christmas movie.”

“I beg your pardon-”

“Is it about Christmas? No. Case closed.”

Logan leaned forward to look around Leo at the redhead. “It takes place during Christmas!”

Leo just listened amusedly to the bickering as he flicked through movie titles. They were still arguing when he started the cute, old Claymation Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer. Both boys trailed off as the introduction music started.

“This works.” Finn said, settling in to get more comfortable, his calves flexing against Logan’s thighs as he stretched. Logan hummed in agreement, eyes already glued on the screen.

They hadn’t even met Hermey the elf before Leo was sound asleep, head pillowed on Finn’s shoulder and breathing slow and even. Finn looked over blond curls at Logan and smiled, making his heart thud painfully in his chest. He needed to talk to them, and soon. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could sit there and keep all these feelings internalized.

But it could wait until after a nap. He snuggled up close and turned back to the TV.

.

“No, you need to-” Leo stopped and laughed, pointing to the recipe. “Teaspoon of vanilla extract, darlin’, not tablespoon.”

Finn switched out one measuring spoon for another with a wince. “That would’ve been bad, huh?”

“Very bad.” Leo agreed, looking over at the oven to see Logan already staring back at them, a wide, almost-giddy smile on his face as he started loading cookie dough balls onto a baking tray. One tray of snickerdoodles were already in the oven and spreading out rapidly as they cooked.

“We might’ve put those too close to each other,” Logan said, crouching down to look into the oven. “They’re all starting to stick together. It’s just one big, square cookie.”

“That’s ok. It’ll still taste good.” Leo said with a shrug. They both turned when Finn started banging on the table in time to the music.

“I don’t want a lot for Christmas! There is just one thing I need!” He screamed, bopping along to the song. Logan laughed and let himself be tugged forwards to dance. Leo watched as they both jumped around and danced in the kitchen, hips swaying and acting like total dorks. But they were so happy, as well. Big smiles graced their faces as they laughed and sang and held each other close. Leo whisked wet ingredients together in a bowl and leaned back against the counter as he enjoyed the over-the-top show. They were cute together in the warm glow of the kitchen – a sharp contrast to the snow falling outside and collecting on the windowsill. Finn tilted his head back to shriek the last high note, causing Logan and Leo to both burst into fits of laughter.

“O’Hara, please don’t audition for Broadway.” Logan teased, still laughing a little. Finn scowled and grabbed a tea towel, spinning it up before whipping it at the brunet.

This started an all-out war. Many a cookie lost their life in the crossfire when Logan accidentally hit Leo’s arm as he was transferring cooled cookies into a tin. They had a warrior’s send-off as they were dumped into the trash can.

After the cookies were baked and decorated and the kitchen was cleaned thoroughly, it was pitch black outside. Leo had genuinely lost track of time, but he was selfishly grateful for it. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for y’all to be driving in this weather in the dark.” He said, snagging a cookie from one of the plates and taking a bite as he tried to be casual about the two boys potentially staying the night. “I’ve got a guest bedroom and a pull-out couch if you wanna stay here.”

Finn and Logan looked at each other, then Logan shrugged. “If that’s ok with you.”

Ok? It was wonderful.

“Of course it is. I’ll go make up the beds and get y’all something to sleep in, ok?” Leo said before hurrying to his room, where he hastily made his bed and rummaged through his dresser for clothes. He muttered to himself as he pulled out two pairs of sweatpants. “Don’t make a big deal of this, Nutty. They’re just spending the night. That’s it.”

His mind fast-forwarded to imagine sleep-mussed hair, soft smiles, and rough morning voices. Sitting at the table together, nursing cups of coffee as the sun rose over a clean, white blanket of snow. They’d talk and laugh and just maybe share some coffee-flavored kisses.

Leo sighed, pressing his forehead against the edge of his dresser. “I’m screwed, ain’t I?”

.

Logan woke up to a gentle hand prodding his shoulder. He breathed in sharply as he remembered where he was and blinked his eyes open to be met with worried blue ones. “Leo?” He asked as he sat up, voice raspy with lack of use. “What’s wrong?”

He was greeted with an absolute onslaught of words. “There’s so much snow outside. Like, so much snow. I’ve never seen this much snow before. And I didn’t think it would be this bad so I don’t have any milk or bread or eggs in the house and I doubt I can get to the store. How long do you think the roads will be out? And what about the diner? Is snow damage a thing? Do I need to go check-”

Logan laughed softly, falling back against the pillows and covering his eyes with his forearm. “What – milk, eggs, and bread?”

“It’s a southern thing.” Logan couldn’t see him, but he could hear the pout in his voice. His vision was suddenly filled with blond bed-head and wide baby blues as Leo pulled his arm away from his face. If he could wake up to this every day, Logan would die a happy man. “Come on, sweetheart, I’m really freaking out right now.”

One of these days, the terms of endearment were actually going to kill him.

“I’m sure the diner’s fine. Besides, there’s not much we can do until the roads clear, so we’ll just have to wait it out.” Logan shifted over on the bed, leaving a Leo-sized spot open. He tugged on Leo’s arm until he crawled into bed, laying on his side to face Logan, their feet tangled together. Leo was wearing fuzzy socks.

Logan smiled at the sight in front of him, then closed his eyes again. “Go back to sleep, Leo. We’ll deal with it when-”

The door banged open to reveal Finn, face bright with excitement. “Snow! Have you guys seen all the snow? We should-” He stopped when he saw the two boys in bed, nestled together and still sleepy. He cleared his throat. “Uh, sorry. Didn’t mean to-”

“Cuddle.” Leo said, reaching up for Finn as well. “We should cuddle.” Finn smiled warmly and didn’t hesitate to clamber into bed on Logan’s other side, scooting in close and only elbowing Logan once as he got comfy. Logan grumbled, but quickly got over it when he felt a tentative arm wrap around him as he drifted back off to sleep.

.

Leo woke up to two boys asleep in bed with him and couldn’t think of a time when he was happier. They were all tangled together in a mess of limbs and blankets and pillows. It was warm and soft and Leo never wanted to leave. But he also wanted to surprise them with coffee and breakfast. Breakfast in bed wouldn’t be too obvious would it? He thought back to the past twenty-four hours and decided that if this wasn’t flirting, he wasn’t sure what was. Now it was just a matter of taking that next step and actually talking about it. So who cared if it was too obvious or not?

Leo glanced at Logan and Finn one last time. There was just something about seeing the two of them in his clothes. Logan’s sweaterpaws were visible from where he was grabbing onto Finn’s arm in his sleep. Finn was close to the same size as Leo so the clothes actually fit him pretty well. His face was pressed into brown hair, arm tightening around Logan as he huffed out a breath. The sight did something to Leo’s heart. He smiled dopily before sneaking out of bed, his back popping as he stretched. Ok, game plan: coffee, breakfast, talk. He could do this.

He crept down the hall and into the kitchen, trying to be as quiet as he could when getting a frying pan out and setting it on the stove. Next came the kettle for water to use in the French press, bacon, and ingredients to make homemade biscuits. Normally he would’ve done eggs, but they’d used all of them on the cookies yesterday.

The biscuits went into the oven and the bacon into the frying pan, sizzling away. So much for breakfast in bed. Leo knew the smell of food cooking would bring the other two out of the bedroom and, sure enough, he soon heard two pairs of footsteps headed towards him, one slightly muffled by too-long sweatpants hems dragging along the floor. He grabbed three mugs from the cabinet and sent a smile over his shoulder at the two boys.

Three cups of coffee: one black, one with cream only, and one with cream and sugar.

Leo pulled the biscuits out of the oven and quickly transferred them onto a plate, doing the same with the bacon before bringing both to the table.

“Leo, you’re an angel.” Finn said as he grabbed plates and silverware for the three of them. Logan hummed in agreement from in front of the fridge, where he was collecting butter and jams for the biscuits. They all joined each other at the kitchen table, still a little sleepy-eyed and half awake.

Leo, halfway through his first sip of coffee, passed Finn his mug of steaming black coffee, then Logan his own cup full of cream and sugar, just how he liked it. Logan looked down at it and sighed happily, “Love you, Nutter Butter.”

Finn’s head shot up. Leo choked on his coffee, cheeks heating up. Logan looked at them confusedly before he realized what he said and his face paled. “Shit.”

“You... you love me?” Leo asked, voice barely above a whisper.

Logan’s heart ached a little at the look on Leo’s face. God, he should’ve told him a long time ago. In response he just slowly nodded, hesitantly meeting wide eyes and hoping for the best.

Leo smiled, letting out a soft laugh. “Honey, I’ve loved you for months.” He took a deep breath, as if gathering up his courage, then reached out to grab Finn’s hand. “And I think I’m falling for you, too. Judging from the way Logan stares at you when you’re not looking, he feels the same.” Leo looked from Finn to Logan hopefully. “Right?”

Finn squeezed Leo’s hand, finally daring to hope. Maybe he could actually have this. His heart thundered in his chest, so loud that Logan and Leo were bound to hear it. “And how does he stare at me when I’m not looking?”

Leo’s eyes flicked over to Logan with a smile. “Take a look for yourself.”

Finn’s breath hitched as he looked over into evergreen eyes, bright and gazing at him the same way Finn had caught him staring at Leo so many times before. He laughed a little in relief, tracing Logan’s cheekbone with gentle fingers.

“I was a little worried we were never going to have this conversation. And I know we’ve got a lot to figure out, but...” He trailed off, a little in awe. What were the odds of this? Everything seemed to fall perfectly into place, like puzzle pieces. It wasn’t some huge revelation, though. There were no grand romantic gestures, no race against time, no frantic outburst. It was calm and gentle like the sun rising outside, casting everything in light pastels and golds.

Logan just laughed softly, scooting his chair back with a loud scraping noise and standing up. “Stop just sitting there and come here, I’ve been wanting to kiss you two for forever.”

Finn scrambled up from his seat and all but threw himself at Logan, nearly bowling him over as he kissed him enthusiastically, arms wrapped tightly around Logan’s waist. Leo smiled as he watched them. He loved their dynamic – the bickering and teasing like they’d known each other for years, and yet the head-over-heels way they looked at each other and held each other and kissed each other. They were so comfortable together, not shying away from anything it seemed. Leo couldn’t wait to see how their relationship grew and evolved over time. He couldn’t wait to see how all three of them would grow together. He stood too and joined Logan and Finn, pressing kisses to their cheeks, their jaws, their necks – anywhere he could reach.

Finn broke the kiss to press his forehead against Logan’s, eyes closed and smile a mile wide. “I’ve been wanting to do that since the first time I saw you at that farm.” His eyes turned to Leo next. He reached up and cupped Leo’s face in his hands. “And I’ve wanted to kiss you since that first bite of pie.”

“What, was the muffuletta not good enough for – mmph.” Leo’s teasing words got cut off by Finn’s lips on his. He sighed into the kiss, draping his arms over Finn’s freckled shoulders and angling his head to deepen the kiss. He could taste black coffee on Finn’s lips and had never loved the flavor more. There was another hand at his back, stroking over his spine. Logan. Leo leaned back into his hand before breaking away from Finn to look at Logan – the guy he’d been pining after for just shy of a year.

“How did I get so lucky?” He murmured, prompting Logan to lean up and kiss him, softly and heartbreakingly gentle. Leo kissed him with purpose, running his tongue against Logan’s bottom lip and causing his breath to hitch.

He thought back to his musings of the night before during his panic in his bedroom and laughed against Logan’s lips. The brunet made a questioning humming noise, so Leo leaned back just far enough to whisper, “Maybe I’m clairvoyant.”

Finn laughed, bewildered. “What?”

Leo just glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, smiled, and combed a finger through red tresses. Sleep-mussed hair, soft smiles, and rough morning voices. Sitting at the table together, nursing cups of coffee as the sun rose over a clean, white blanket of snow. Talking and laughing and sharing some coffee-flavored kisses. Those had been his thoughts last night. And here he was, suddenly getting all of those things.

“Nothing, sweetheart.” Leo said, looking down at his two with overflowing fondness as he thought of the future and hoped that those musings would come true, too.

[pulltothelight]

2020 Reylo Fanfic Recap

With just a couple days left of 2020, I wanted to go back and appreciate all the Reylo fic I’ve written this year. Totaling 24 Reylo Centered Fics.

Like His Father’s Dice: *Puts on Tin Foil Hat* Here’s how Ben Solo can still be alive. Remembering how Han Solo’s dice disappeared in his hand gives Ben the key to surviving the battle on Exegol. G, 1,057 words, Complete.

He Gotta Go Check On Her: a sequel to Rey Has a Cold, where Ben crosses the Galaxy to take care of a sick Rey. G, 2,848 words, Complete.

I Licked It, It’s Mine: Senator Benjamin Organa-Solo is prim and proper and polite. Rey, the scavenger his father picked up on Jakku, is everything but. G, 1,884 words, Complete.

Yes I’m Wearing Your Shirt: You’ve Been Mostly Dead: Ben Solo was only mostly dead, and over the past several months since Exegol, his life Force has been recuperating in the Force. Rey is where we last saw her on Tatooine, working through her grief. G, 1,045 words, Complete.

Rey Crashes a Speeder: Rey and Ben are living a happily married life with peace in the Galaxy. That doesn’t mean that accidents don’t happen. G, 1,065 words, Complete.

Abilities Deemed Unnatural:  Post TROS AU where Ben could not save Rey on Exegol. He's left to pick up the pieces. T, 6,341 words, 5/? chapters, WIP.

Broken Hearts and Healing Hands: A 1 shot that turned into a multi-chapter fic, and then post TROS, it got an epilogue. Rey and Ben fix the Legacy Lightsaber. T, 16,049 words, 16 chapters, Complete.

Dismantled: The Supreme Leader learns that the Force does what the Force wants. He decides he will do his best for the Galaxy, and for the little life the Force placed inside him. Mpreg. T, 13,233 words, 6/7 chapters, WIP.

Putting Down Roots: part 3 of my Scenes From a Sweeter Space series,  Set after the events of Playing in the Snow, Ben and Rey find themselves caring for more than just the plants in their greenhouse. G, 1,590 words, Complete.

The Son & Heir of a Shyness: A modern high school AU, where Rey is the new student, and Ben is horribly shy. G, 2,344 words, Complete.

Down From the Tower: A Rapunzel/Tangled AU where Ben is the one with the gorgeous hair and Rey is our scrappy scavenger thief. G, 5,200 words, 1/3 chapters, WIP.

The Memory That Matters:  The last thing Ben remembers is the fight in Snoke's Throne Room aboard the Supremacy. When he wakes up in a med center, he learns that a lot has happened since his last memory. Canon Divergent from TLJ. G, 2,829 words, Complete.

We Don’t Match:  Ben is on an overnight road trip when he stops at a podunk diner in the middle of nowhere, and the light on his soulmate indicator lights up when the waitress brushes his hand. Unfortunately, she's not wearing an indicator herself. G, 7,995 words, Complete. 

Saving What We Love: When the Supremacy and the Legacy Saber were shattered down the middle, Rey dragged an unconscious Ben back with her. Unfortunately, he wakes up in a cell. G, 747 words, Complete.

Padawans of Ren: Luke refused to teach Rey on Ach-to, and so she returned to D'qar to the Resistance, which was still hidden from the First Order, until Kylo Ren shows up with three new faces. G, 1,167 words, Complete.

Entangled Stars:  Dance Stars: Galaxy was the hottest televised dance competition, and the this week's paired dances draw out the most compelling dynamics. G, 889 words, Complete. 

Always a Woman to Me: Finn is missing Rey, where ever she is in the Galaxy, but his emotions pull another someone who is missing Rey to him through the Force. G, 705 words, Complete.

Palpatine is a Liar: A detour to confirm Rey's lineage leads to Palpatine's defeat and Ben's redemption. G, 2,093 words, Complete.

Written in My Hand: Diverging at The Force Awakens, Ben and Rey are soulmates. They know they are because they have the other’s name written on their arms in their handwriting. Knowing that they are soulmates from the very beginning changes everything. G, 9,884 words, 6/? words, WIP.

The Fire of the Sith: Ben and Rey send their adopted children up to summer camp, the same one that they perform at every Fourth of July. Little do they know, Ben's camping years have sprouted up the Knights of Ren, a group of campers who may very well burn the whole camp down. Part 4 of the Scenes From a Sweeter Space Series. G, 6,660 words, Complete. 

Two That Are One: Ben Solo was the avatar, everyone knew it. Except, he couldn't bend all 4 elements. G, 1,637 words, 1/? chapters, WIP.

Celebrating Rey’s Birthday: Ben knew Rey's Birthday, and he made sure to celebrate her, even though she had never celebrated it herself. G, 939 words, Complete.

Chosen: As teenagers just presenting as an alpha and an omega, Ben and Rose promised that if they turned 30 without being mated to someone else, they'd marry each other. It's fine and dandy until Rey, an unmated omega, sets off Ben's rut. T, 10,323 words, 2/4 chapters, WIP.

The Wings We Stole: Before this Earth, before this life, Rey and Ben promised to find each other. They only agreed to do come to earth so they could spend eternity together. They don't think of themselves as angels or saints. They can't make it through this on their own. A Mormon Flavored Modern AU. G, 11,329 words, 8/? chapters, WIP.

BONUS

A Meta: Today on I fricking Love Ben Solo: A meta concerning the fall of Ben Solo. G, 537 words, Complete. 

A GingerRose Fic: The Rose of The Titanic: Armitage Hux had helped design the massive ship, Titanic, and upon touring his pride and joy before the maiden voyage, he runs into the prized mechanic down in the belly of the ship. A GingerRose Titanic AU. G, 3,153 words, 2/4 chapters, WIP.

[aphroditestummyrolls]

Tagged by: @rhubarbdreams @cactusdragon517 @morallygreywaren and @ceraunos (I’m so sorry this took so long! Thank you for thinking of me, it is so flattering <3)

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag 10 of your favorite authors!

This was SO FUN. It was so nice to go through my old stories... I’m really proud of my writing. That’s something I never thought I’d say, and it’s something I’ve decided I’m going to do unabashedly from now on. <3 Happy almost April, everyone! 

Gaining Heart (Spartacus) 

The days following the defeat of Glaber had been a flurry of activity.

Agron found himself not only leading on field of battle, but leading organization and defensive strategy. Those fucking Romans had moved into the temple as if it was their own home, claiming all that they saw— but they had also brought much of their own. Food, wine, supplies— it was a gift from the fucking gods, and needed proper inventory.

Agron knew not how to do that. Nasir and Naevia were invaluable, cleaning each chamber of any evidence of battle, cataloguing lists and categorizing everything from barrels of grain to rolls of bandages.

Tangles and Roots (The Old Guard)

He was covering Andy.

The hangar was dark, shadowed by the last of the night while dawn crept up over the skyline outside. The plane was set to land any minute now, and Nicky’s eyes flicked from corner to corner, finger on the trigger of his gun and his jaw grinding hard. He could swear he saw shapes moving along the roof— the banks of high windows above them left eerie patches of weak blue light, flickering with little flashes of darkness.

It was probably just birds. He was out of practice— they had done nothing but sit around in the six months since Merrick, trying to heal the deep wounds left in their minds… and bodies, in Andy’s case.

Nicky swallowed, stepping that much closer to his friend’s side as they took their places in the shadows.

Still Awake? (The Old Guard)

He pretended to sleep. His eyes were closed, and his muscles were stiff, tying themselves into knots where he laid in his cot between Andy’s empty bedroll and Joe and Nicky’s snuggled up bodies. Booker refused to be comfortable— he refused to rest. The day had been rough, and the fighting had left a bone deep ache inside him, even while the physical wounds had healed.

All the Time in the World (The Old Guard) 

The first time Nicolo and Yusuf bathed together, it was by the river— he wasn’t sure which river. It had probably changed names and countries a hundred times by now. All he remembered was that, by the time they heard the steady rush of water and cleared the brush and trees to the bank, he was half mad with annoyance.

If that man made one more grumbled complaint— one more clearly telegraphed grimace— about the supposed smell of him, Nicoló might have to break their truce and run the bastard through.

Kissed by an Angel (The Old Guard)

Nicky felt his lips flicker into a private smile, setting the pot on the stove to simmer and turning to look out the window into the garden. Joe’s garden.

He was humming to himself— Nicky couldn’t quite hear it, but he could tell by the set of the other man’s jaw under his beard and the purse of his lips as he concentrated. The weeds wouldn’t rip themselves, the overgrown shrubs wouldn’t miraculously be already pruned and waiting for them.

They were finally back in Valletta. Finally home.

Patron Saint of Satisfaction (The Old Guard)

It had been a long, long few weeks.

Joe’s shoulders were tense and knotted, and his whole body still ached from the train ride he and Nicky had taken all that day. There was a stifling, choked sensation in his gut that would rise in waves, up his throat to the tip of his tongue until he was ready to scream. The whole way to their safehouse, he brushed shoulders with his lover— practically leaning on him— and let himself take refuge in the feeling of Nicky’s warm hand entwining their fingers.

Waking Dreams (The Old Guard)

At first, they could’ve been anywhere for all Joe knew.

There was nothing in the world but Nicky— his scent, his body, his quiet sleeping breaths. Joe felt himself hover on the edge of sleep and wakefulness, the familiar thrum of pleasure making up the backdrop of his thoughts.

He nuzzled into his Nico’s neck, pressing sloppy, half asleep kisses to the back of his neck.

Here There Be Monsters (The Old Guard) 

The morning had been blustery and hot. The scent of ozone made the sea air thick as it blew through his hair where they all stood, crowded around the lower deck. They all squinted against the bright sunshine, but Joe knew better than to trust the blue sky.

”If I’m getting in, I’ve gotta do it soon—“ he spoke up, cutting into some conversation that he hadn’t been listening to, “There’s a storm coming in from the East.”

Nile— still so young, so far from the American Midwest, and in her first field season— raised an eyebrow at him from behind her sunglasses.

He smiled at her bemused look, shooting his gaze over to Andy. Andy smirked, huffing a laugh. “If anybody knows, Joe knows.”

In Loving Memory (The Old Guard)

The wind whipped up off the water, cold and salty despite the way the sun beat down on them. It was alright, honestly— refreshing after all those stuffy hours in the car.

These immortals were highly resistant to normal modes of transport. Like a plane— a real passenger plane, not a Russian cargo plane full of drugs. It was all cars and boats and trains, low to the ground, literally under the radar.

Nile understood why. She didn’t want to end up strapped down to a lab table like the one they escaped all those months ago. She’d just rather take a nice plane from the closest airport to Provence and get to Valletta in a matter of hours, rather than drive through three countries and all the way down the Italian boot, just to bribe a fishing boat.

Feed My Soul (The Old Guard) 

Malta looked good on Nicolò.

Joe leaned on the railing of their balcony, looking down into their old, old walled garden where his Nico shuffled around in the herbs. He was looking for something particular, the bridge of his nose scrunching as he peered at the mess of overgrown pots.

Joe beamed, the familiar, all-encompassing warmth of loving that man filling him up and making him feel expansive and bright. There was a cathedral ceiling in his chest, airy and golden with the light of dawn through its tall, jeweled windows. There was a house of worship where his heart should be, and he traced the lines of the other man’s body like he was devoting a painting to him.

Sono Qui (The Old Guard)

Andy left Booker on the beach.

She felt his gaze follow her, but couldn’t bring herself to look back.

It wasn’t as if they had never separated before— as if the four of them had been constantly attached from the time they finally found the Frenchman, even after months and months of dreaming and searching. There were plenty of times where they spent months, or sometimes years apart. They took breaks from each other, they traveled. Just a year ago, Andy had declared that she needed a break— was that last year of being alone the thing that led Booker to betray them? Maybe they should’ve stayed together. She never should have left him. She understood how it felt to be alone in the world… to lose someone so precious that life loses its color.

Andy had left Booker plenty of times. It wasn’t something she liked to think about now, but she had… She had assumed he was handling it like her. Somber and drunk, wishing for some type of release. They’d talked about it enough times. But not like this.

Brother of My Heart  (The Old Guard)

Joe clenched his hands on the steering wheel, flexing his fingers to feel the stretch in the tendons, even though any injuries from the fighting had long since healed.

While driving away from the ruins of Merrick’s car, the adrenaline was still rushing in his veins, and all his self control was devoted to staying reasonably within the speed limit. The last thing they needed was to get stopped by some bobby cop while covered in blood and dust, with a bullet through Andy’s stomach.

Right now, they needed to blend in. So, Joe didn’t press the gas pedal into the floor.

Care and Feeding (The Old Guard) 

Nile couldn’t ever remember liking the cold.

Even at home in Chicago. Sure, her memories of warm Christmas masses, bright lights on the tree, and gently falling snow outside the kitchen window made her throat dry with that familiar, wistful grief. She wasn’t sure she’d ever get used to seeing pine trees or twinkle lights without thinking of her mom’s mac n cheese, or how early her brother would wake her up on Christmas morning.

But loving Christmas, and loving snow? Those were two completely different things.

Going Underground (Star Wars) 

Poe wasn’t sure what it was like when they broke through the atmosphere into Yavin IV. He didn’t watch through the Falcon’s wide front window as the familiar jungles passed by in a blur of green underneath them, and he couldn’t pick out the roof of home from the surrounding grasses as they came in for a landing.

The first thing he saw as he came to, bleary and aching, was Finn. They’d fallen asleep right where they were, pressed shoulder to shoulder at the holochess table, Poe’s head on Finn’s shoulder. It took him a sluggish moment to recall why his hand had its own throbbing pulse, and why Finn’s soft, dark skin was pockmarked with strange cuts, glistening with bacta.

The second thing he saw, swallowing against the rush of memories filling his fuzzy mind, must have been a hallucination.

STAR WARS VIII: The Battle of the Force (Star Wars) 

“General, I don’t know how much longer we can hold ‘em off—”

Poe’s voice crackled from the shoddy reception, nearly engulfed by the constant bombardment in the background.

“Commander, the Resistance depends on taking down this dreadnought.” Leia kept her voice steady and strong “Stand your ground.”

Beyond What We Can See (Star Wars) 

If he was being honest with himself, he supposed that he’d been feeling the Force his whole life. He’d always just brushed it off as basic intuition— he thought everybody felt this way. It wasn’t until he started seeing the way the Force was treated in the First Order—as a myth, a fearful, distant thing—that he realized how much he needed to keep his head down. Even though he only felt it in small ways, he was different. He buried the feelings, tried to ignore the nagging dread that said that he didn’t belong there in his platoon. That none of them did.

But that wasn’t something he was allowed to feel. The Force wasn’t supposed to be something any of the troops knew firsthand.

Like She Always Did (Star Wars) 

The first time she left was barely a memory. More of a dream. He didn’t remember the fight they had, but he knew in hindsight that they must’ve had it for much longer than the tail end that he saw. Maybe it was what got his little feet out of bed in the first place. Daddy’s eyes were rimmed with red and Mama was pacing out her anger into the sitting room rug. Poe’s eyes were wide as he watched from the threshold to the hall, his little hand gripping onto the pillow that he’d tugged along with him from his room.

Love Will Help You Heal (Star Wars) 

Every inch of him throbbed, the last dregs of whatever the interrogation droid had injected him with still pumping through his bloodstream. He was so tired. How long had it even been? Getting captured on Jakku felt like a hazy dream, as if it was weeks ago.

No one was coming for him. He knew that much—he’d probably be mad if they endangered the resources to try—but he couldn’t help but wish anyway. Death seemed so close, like a cold hand on his shoulder, by his side in the recirculated air of the Star Destroyer.

He wished they’d just hurry up. His drug-addled, sleep deprived mind didn’t know if he was asking for rescue or death. Maybe they were the same thing now.

Dying a martyr. At least it suited the image—Poe Dameron, Poster Boy of the Resistance.

Ghosts of Future and Past (MCU/Captain America) 

His head was throbbing. His back ached. Everything in him pulsed with agony like he’d been hit by a train.

A train. Bucky.

“Bucky is alive.” 

He could feel the winter cold at the memory, his eyes snapping open as the past few moments came flooding back to him.

There had been another Steve. Even without the mask, he’d looked just like him. It must have been Loki playing tricks again, it had to be.

Sweet as Honey, Gold Like the Sun (Stranger Things) 

Steve was drifting after high school graduation. He drifted right out of the halls of Hawkins High and into a desk job at his dad’s office. If he was being honest, he’d been drifting since the Gate closed— maybe even since Nancy broke it off.

He wasn’t mad. She was his best friend. He and Jonathan were even friends now. No, he hadn’t been mad for a long time— but he was lost. The kids were going to high school. Dustin would be getting his license one of these days, and Steve’s last function to his little gaggle of brats would become all but useless.

The idea of not serving a purpose left the bitter tang of anxiety in his throat. Once the kids didn’t need him— and Joyce and Hopper and even Nancy— Steve would be left behind. Again.

Okay... Some of these may have been more than just what is considered “Opening Lines”, but I can’t just leave something feeling unfinished, and I’m a little tipsy, which means I am bending the rules <3

**EDIT** i forgot to look for patterns and pick my favorite! I mean, I think all storytelling/creative expression (anything from developing a recipe to composing a painting to writing a story) follows a distinct formula. And the best way to establish the story is by starting it with the most important element front and center— I almost always start with my main character. A thought or a feeling, a situation or a sensation. They’re the focal point from which everything ripples out. Those first ripples (the 2nd, 3rd or 4th lines) are usually about building the setting. It’s an equation that works so well for me, and though I sometimes shake it up by adding immediate dialogue or flipping the positions of setting and main character, it has served me well ❤️ i think my favorite has to be Brother of My Heart. It’s the first really, immediately big story Ive ever had. So many comments, so much warmth, so many kind people— it grew my confidence and helped me make friends. It reminds me of how truly wonderful fandom can be, even just with the first few lines.

I’m going to continue to bend the rules by not tagging anyone immediately-- it’s giving me weird anxiety levels, so I’m gonna wait and do it later maybe. If, in the meantime, you see this and want to do it, write me down as the one who tagged you! <3 Feel frrrreeeeeeee! 

[hecohansen31]

Not The Right Time

The Story of How Everything Solved (for now):

Ivar+Reader (Modern! AU)

(Chapter 1: The Story of How We Ended Up There)

(Chapter 2: The Story of How He Found Out)

(Chapter 3: The Story of How She Found Out)

(A/N): Hello there, lovelies!

Happy Easter, if you celebrate it, if not happy Pesach and if not... happy eat-all-the-chocolate in the world!

I hope you’ll enjoy this fic, because I have decided to take a bit of a pause from my original fic, but don’t worry, you’ll have certainly your weekly fic!

As always, I am more than happy to be given feedback.

It has helped me a lot with the last chapter of ‘To Kill a King’ to understand the direction to continue the fic in, so if you have any sugesstion-ideas, I am just here!

Feedback makes my heart beats faster and move my fingers quicker!

Also if you want to support me, here’s my ko-fi!

SUMMARY:  Ivar now hasn't simply to deal with one scorned woman, but two.

But, not only the thought of bieng separated from Eric pains him too much to be considered, but feelings for you are slowly being brought up, even more when you smile so prettily and take care so lovingly of your child.

WORDS: 6,1K 

WARNINGS: Pregnancy, Unexpected Pregnancy, Pregnancy at a Young Age, Mention of Abortion (and Being Harsh About it), Heartbreak and General Angst, Abandonement Issues and Being A Single Mom, Mention of Infertility, Talk about Custody Battles and Custody, Fighting and Angst, Use of The Word Cripple.

The day of the game you couldn’t help but be nervous about whether Ivar would be coming or not.

You had sent him a small message that morning, to ask him to confirm his presence and if he wanted to meet you and Eric, before the game started, to have breakfast together and he hadn’t answered you, making you almost think he wouldn’t have come.

Which you didn’t know if it would have been a good or bad thing.

Maybe he had started thinking that Eric was ‘baggage’ for him, and most importantly would ruin his picture perfect life, although, if it was like that, you didn’t understand why he had insisted so much to try to support you.

But you couldn’t help but dread the thought of what his absence would do to Eric.

You had told him in the car about the fact that Ivar might not have come, lying that he had had an appointment, coming up at last.

‘So… if you don’t see him… don’t worry’ you had tried to console him, although he had already gotten quite the pouting expression, thing that made him similar to Ivar in any way, shape and form.

And you had felt like the worst mother ever.

Eric had brightened up a bit as his friends had all come around him and lead him to the coach, once he arrived at the game.

You definitely appreciated Eric’s schoolmates, and were grateful for the warm welcome they had given him.

He had had his own share of bullies, although he said everything was fine.

But once he had created his own group of friends, the bullies had eventually stopped taunting him.

You still kept an eye out for them at these things.

And as much as you were thankful for the other kids’ company, you dreaded their mothers.

You hated stereotyping people, but no mom had ever been so nice to avoid doing the same with you, as they looked at your hand-me-down clothes, and your lack of diamond ring on your finger.

And at your young face.

You had heard some rumors going around you, how you had gotten pregnant pretty young from an older man, probably some married man and had been basically thrown out of your small city for the shame of carrying a bastard.

A crippled bastard.

So, you tried not to associate yourself with them and instead, you had developed some kind of strange friendship with Angelika.

Angelika had also married young and had a child even younger, but after a small year together her husband had decided that the married life wasn’t for him.

He had gotten himself a mistress, meanwhile Angelika tried her best to keep the family safe and going, getting a small job in a local law firm.

By the end of the year she had kicked out the lazy husband and was the owner of the law firm, in a truly inspiring story.

At first, she hadn’t liked you, too young and stupid.

She had thought you had done the same mistake as her, but then she had soon discovered that the story was deeper, and she had taken the time to get to know you.

Not only she had become your friend, but she had pushed you to pursue the gallery work, eventually getting you an appointment as a try-out.

She was honestly one of the few people that you trusted and felt like she genuinely liked you.

Angelika immediately reached out to you, as she saw you arriving on the side of field where parents were allowed.

As usually she carried her small water bottle, filled with vodka and orange juice, and the ripped shirt of the soccer team, worn inside of her boyfriend jeans, meanwhile you wore it over it, completely uncaring of your appearance.

“Oh, thank God, you are here” she immediately mumbled, gripping onto your arm, as she brought you in a tight hug “… it’s been for ever since I last saw you”.

“… been busy” you were simply able to breath and you giggled softly at her affectionate antics, before she smirked at you.

“Gosh all business and no fun” she reprimanded as she took in your discarded appearance “… I gotta take you to some club”.

“What about Finn and Eric?” you asked, although you knew perfectly that if Angelika put her mind to something, everything would ever change.

“Drop them at my house, I’ll tell Theresa about it” Theresa was her German nanny, perfect and impeccable always eye-rolling at Angelika’s antics, but it didn’t wok with Angelika, who would eye-roll even harder back at her.

“I’ll think about it…” you mumbled, unsure of the entire thing.

Before Eric you had never been one for clubs or such, and you certainly wouldn’t start after the entire pregnancy and your motherhood, not simply because some nights you were too tired to even crawl to bed, but because there was a reason behind your uncaring appearance.

You were scared of your body.

Of the way it had changed during your pregnancy.

“… I know that tone” mumbled Angelika, prowling around you as a big feline “… that’s the ‘it’s definitely a no, but I am too gentle to tell you no’ “.

“That’s a ‘I’ll think about it’ “you retorted softly, as you gently held an hand out for her, before something else caught your eyes.

Ivar.

He had come.

And he was looking around as if he was a lost child.

“Just excuse me, for a moment…” you mumbled softly, as you approached him carefully, since he had this kind of lost emotion in his eyes, sadness almost and you couldn’t help but feel a fifteen girl again, who blurted out weird Taylor Swift lyrics because her best friend was unhappy, and she was trying to make him feel better.

He shook himself back to consciousness as he saw you in front of him, almost scared.

“Well you are here!” you said it with definitely much more uneasiness that you were supposed to, almost a forced out emotion “… I mean… you didn’t answer me… so I thought…”.

“Yes, I am here” and you knew that with that tone you had gone back to that fifteen-year-old-girl smiling at her best friend, because she knew she loved him.

You were screwed.

---

Ivar had woken up on the couch that morning, with his legs hurting like hell and yet, when he had seen your worried messages on his phone, he had just thought that he would be late for Eric’s game.

And he couldn’t.

He had swallowed a few painkillers, as the memory of last night came back to him, but nothing set onto him till he moved into his car, setting the journey for the school park, but then he just couldn’t stop himself from thinking.

‘What the hell am I thinking?’.

His soon-to-be-wife had basically left him because of his lies towards his life with you, and he was running to you and your child, as if you were his wife.

Which would only confirm Freydis’ jealousy.

Although he wouldn’t have approved of her psyched behavior, she certainly hadn’t been wrong about the influence you and Eric now held over him, but he would have preferred she hadn’t straight up attacked him.

But to avoid this, he shouldn’t have kept the secret from the start.

But would have Freydis allowed him to see Eric?

With that serious tone of their ‘confrontation’, he couldn’t help but feel like he had seen a side to Freydis he wasn’t used to.

Something he wasn’t completely unaware of, since he had seen some glimpses of it, but at the same time, it now seemed so deep-rooted that for a minute he had to admit that he had thought that she was going to be much more than simply vocal about the matter.

He certainly felt guilty for the wrongness of some of his actions, but he was also surprised by Freydis’ reaction to them.

He had thought some jewelry and a few promises might have made it all better, but now, in the aftermath of their fight, he had no idea how to make everything better.

Certainly, dwelling in his car wouldn’t have worked.

He tried to contact her, but her phone was switched off, and he honestly didn’t know where she could be found, certainly not a work, which was the only other contact he had for her.

And he realized he knew nothing of his soon-to-be-wife.

He didn’t know who were her friends, to who she could have gone and neither her family, since Freydis had told him that she had had a bad experience with them and had run off as soon as she could have.

He remembered a small apartment at which he had come to pick her up on their first dates, but she had soon moved away from it, as soon as Ivar proposed he just started living with her.

Hence, she was a ghost.

And although it made Ivar feel like a horrible husband, he couldn’t help but decide that this meant that she simply didn’t want to be found.

If he knew one thing for sure about Freydis was that she never did anything without a reason.

And he should have respected that.

Although it pained him.

He didn’t want to give her the impression that he didn’t care.

But at the same time, as he had made it clear the previous night, he wouldn’t leave Eric.

No matter what.

Hence, he started the engine and got to the school park.

He had almost regretted the decision, when he had arrived at the venue, immediately catching a crowd of chanting parents had welcomed and, although everybody kept their eyes to themselves, he couldn’t shake off the fact that they were staring him down.

He caught sight of you quite easily, as he saw you by the side of a pretty brunette with feline eyes, trying to convince you to do something reckless by the horrified look on your face.

It was the same you’d give Hvitserk every time he’d try his wicked charm on you.

Those were happier and easier times.

You were wearing a simple soccer jersey and oversized jeans, and although they both hid your body, they did nothing to dampen the natural beauty you had always owned.

He couldn’t help but wonder how men didn’t buzz around you like bees on a flower.

‘Stop being a creep Ivar’ he told himself, meanwhile he remembered the words of Heahamund after he had shown him a photo of you and Eric.

‘Fucking God! Do you even realize what a hot babe you left?’ he had immediately stammered as Ivar blushed ‘… did they drop you on your head as a child’.

And he confirmed it, with the way he answered your question.

Your eyes held a frantic fear and a pleasant surprise, almost as if she hadn’t thought that he’d actually come.

And your cheeks were flushed red.

He had a pleasant memory of your cheeks being flushed after their first and last night together.

It brought out all kind of memories.

‘Again, Ivar, no’.

“Well I am glad you are here” whatever gentleness you had showed for him immediately retreated back in you as you turned “… Eric will be happy of it”.

“Of course, I couldn’t miss his great day” his tone was teasing, and he could see with the way you stiffened in your position, he had hit something inside of you “… is he already on the playing ground?”.

“Sadly yes” you mumbled, but pointed him out to him, although he didn’t need much time looking to recognize the only child with braces, trying to exercise with the others, and as he exchanged a quick glance with his child, Eric immediately raised an hand to salute him.

His smile got so so big, that Ivar couldn’t help but smile back.

And ignore the continued glares sent his way.

Now intensified with his proximity to you.

He could only imagine what they all were talking about.

And as you two took a quick seat beside the brunette he had seen you talking with at the entrance of the venue, she immediately moved towards Ivar, offering a hand and a charming smile of pointy teeth.

He couldn’t help but feel a bit relieved that your ‘friends’ were so protective of you.

You deserved it.

You deserved to be protected from anything else that could have hurt you, after everything you had endured.

“… Angelika Magnussen” she mumbled quickly presenting herself “… (Y/N)’s best friend”.

He almost wanted to scoff that he had once been your best friend…

… and look where it got him.

Where it got both of you.

“Nice to meet you, Ivar Lothbrock…” he sent you a quick look to check with you, but there was no need to lie since everybody seemed to recognize what was going on “… Eric’s father”.

“Gosh I never thought I would have ever met you” in her tone there was a tang of sarcasm that annoyed Ivar, definitely more used to people like Freydis and his mother who would have no trouble agreeing and siding with him.

Maybe not Freydis, anymore.

“… I didn’t know” he simply muttered and you pushed yourself between her and him, sending to both a vicious glare, before the referee whistled the start of the game, getting the three of you to focus on the game.

Ivar couldn’t help but be on edge as soon as he saw Eric in oversized gloves, trying to guard the door, something that could seem absolutely normal and harmless for every child who didn’t have osteogenesis imperfecta.

But for Eric, he couldn’t help but feel nervous.

But you beside him seemed completely at ease, cheering on the boy as he managed to block the ball from entering the doors, and then pushing the ball to his schoolmates.

He couldn’t help but be again amazed by your prettiness and the natural way you did everything and handled motherhood.

And then a ball hit Eric right on his chest, knocking him off his legs, enough that both you and Ivar immediately moved raising up as Ivar made a move to move away from the steps you were sat onto, but you grabbed his hand to stop him as Eric got up pretty quickly, the trainer of the team coming close to him, alongside the school nurse.

And Eric immediately put himself up, lightly limping as the nurse helped him off the field, and the trainer got another boy to take care of his place.

And then as he moved towards the benches, you both scurried off the steps.

You both came to the part that was the closest to the benches seeing the nurse helping Eric with his braces, as you oversaw the entire process, before moving to check in with the nurse, his bones.

Thankfully the hit had been to the chest and the legs bucking off under him were simply for the impact.

And Ivar couldn’t help but watch raptured your soft gestures and the way Eric leaned in softly against you, as you checked on him before helping him into his braces again, asking with a whisper if he felt ‘ok’ enough to stay.

The child immediately nodded as a few of his classmates moved to also check on him.

Ivar had never had this kind of love poured onto him.

He had also to admit that sadly he wasn’t an easy child, as loving and gentle as Eric was.

But he couldn’t help but appreciate that his son had what he hadn’t had back then.

He might end up not turning up in the big screw-up Ivar was.

You returned to him a few minutes later by Ivar’s side, and although you had seemed quite calm and cold-blooded for the entire action, he saw the way your body trembled lightly and…

… your hands were still linked.

Suddenly you gripped tight back onto his.

And he honestly liked it too much to tell you anything, although it wasn’t proper.

He had Freydis.

Or at least he had had her.

Because her actions of the previous night certainly weren’t something that made him feel reassured about his relationship status.

But at the same time, he wasn’t sure that it was so bad to be away from Freydis.

Mostly when your hands matched so perfectly in his.

He had forgotten this feeling.

And he realized he had missed it.

And when you unlatched your hands, as you sat down, he couldn’t help but feel more hurt by that than the pain in his legs, that was starting to bother him.

As soon as the game was finished. he pushed himself by side, meanwhile you and Angelika waited for your children, to take his pills again.

He was caught mid-swallow by a laughing Eric as the boy limped lightly to him and you helped him, a blond boy beside him, who hid underneath Angelika’s legs and from the way their eyes shone of the same malice, he understood he was her child.

“Ivar! Ivar!” he called out, as he tugged gently onto one leg of his pants “… have you seen the way I got that ball?”.

You giggled at his excitement and Ivar couldn’t help but nod gingerly, although he didn’t know shit of soccer, and compliment his child on his optimal score, but Angelika’s child looked at him suspiciously before muttering softly.

“… your dad doesn’t know shit about soccer” he muttered, immediately getting both yours and Angelika’s attention.

“Phineas Christian Hogarth! I don’t pay an expensive German nanny for you to curse in American!” Angelika reprimanded him quickly, gripping tight onto his shoulders, as she saluted you, continuing her lecture “… at least do it in German!”.

But the deed was done.

And Eric looked confusedly at you and Ivar.

Ivar wasn’t so afraid of it all, in the end it only accelerated things, but you looked like you had had seen a ghost and Ivar quickly proposed going out to lunch to celebrate, hence shifting the attention away from the boiling revelation.

And Eric was all too happy to be distracted.

Even more with food.

But you looked still so shaken that he couldn’t help but feel like the tables had turned from the start of the day, with him being the confused one.

As you both sat down, finishing your lunch, as Eric escaped your attention to move onto the game section of the restaurant.

“… I am sure that he’ll forget about it, as soon as he can” he mumbled softly.

You were unfocused as your gaze didn’t shift from Eric, till you shook yourself away of it.

“Maybe…” you seemed doubtful, although Eric hadn’t said anything, proceeding to explain to Ivar everything that worked in soccer, as you drove them to a small restaurant, definitely chosen for the children area and menu.

He couldn’t help but think again about all the work you had done as a mother.

It certainly took all the courage of the world to grow a child on your own.

“… and would it be so wrong to if he had heard right?” he asked, and you petrified him on the spot with a tight look.

“That depends…” he had loved that teasing tone you’d use every time you were annoyed with somebody that wasn’t him “… will you stick around?”.

“I am trying to” he commented.

“And Freydis?” you were hitting low, he wasn’t surprised “… does she know about this?”.

And his eyes answered before his words and you pushed yourself back lightly as if you had lowered yourself too much in his psyche.

“… she knows” you simply mumbled.

“… and she doesn’t like” he added with the same grim tone “… she is also pregnant so…”.

“… so she thinks that Eric is threat to her child” you completed and Ivar couldn’t also deny that he had missed your immediate telepathy “… we won’t be pissed if you want to disappear, you can do it, I don’t…”.

“I don’t want to run away!” his voice raised lightly and the usual annoying old lady beside their table raised her head to hear them better, but Ivar immediately lowered his tone again “… I don’t do that… anymore”.

“But she is pissed” you mumbled, your tone almost guilty “… I could call her, explain how we aren’t… we aren’t involved and how…”.

“She has switched off her phone” he shot back.

“… doesn’t this sound familiar?”.

And yeah that did sound familiar.

It was the same that had happened when he had broken your heart.

“… yeah it does” as he raised his head to meet yours, he almost expected to see a satisfied smile on your face, but you looked honestly… sad for him.

“… she won’t leave you” you mumbled softly “… you didn’t break her heart”.

“I kind of think that hiding a family from her is not exactly the definition of caring for another”.

“And yet you were happy for the baby and you proved to her that you wanted it” you spoke softly, as if you had imagined the same with you “… she just needs to clear up her head”.

“It’s fucking strange that you are comforting me” he mumbled, unbelieving what you were doing.

“… well I am used to your fuck-ups” you giggled silly, shooting a look at Eric as you continued to be attentive at him “… but if she gives you another chance please don’t fuck this up, ok?”.

“Ok” he mumbled, before his gaze also shifted on Eric “… she wanted me to give up on Eric”.

“Don’t blame her” and he hadn’t expected it “… us, women, are put against each other as natural competitors, so it isn’t strange for her to feel threatened by me, although she has nothing to fear. She is the one with an engagement ring”.

“I also think it’s because you and me… we…” Gosh why was he acting like a teenage boy “… had sex back then”.

And you were also flushing.

“I am not interested in your adventurous sex life with Freydis… but don’t you also?”.

“No” why was he explaining your sex life with you “… you were the only one with who… you know… the doctors said that it’s the legs and some others told me it was just my confidence not being enough… the child was created in vitro”.

“Oh” you looked taken aback, and he could see that you were processing the thought of being the only one he had been with, in “that” way “… well I do say that she has a few reasons to detest me”.

He just nodded.

“… but I do think that she should be sure about your love” you added immediately a nostalgic tint in your pretty eyes.

“Why?”.

“Because I know for experience that when you fall for somebody you fall hard, and so deeply that it is difficult not to feel loved, even though you are an asshole and sometimes a bit too harsh with your words, but you have this thing that’ll make everyone feel like being loved by you is the greatest privilege ever”.

And like that you had come closer to him, maybe more than it should have been allowed between two ex-lovers, one of which was engaged.

But he couldn’t help but value attentively each word you said, as you gently pushed yourself back, as if you hadn’t revealed to him some special secret.

Back in it, he had always thought he was ‘the difficult one’ but with those words a veil of insecurities was lifted off his chest and he couldn’t help but think about how it would have been if he had stayed with you.

And for one moment, he almost wished it.

---

You had definitely gone mad that evening.

And you blamed it on the fact that Ivar’s behavior had simply brought you back to five years ago, when you’d walk together on the small playing field of school, usually with one trying to convince the other to ditch school.

It was mostly Ivar, but you had followed many times his dark influence.

And again, this time it had gotten to you.

But it had felt nice.

Except the entire Freydis’ thing.

You had honestly felt bad for her, almost guilty, although it was Ivar’s fault (and you had told him so, as you suggested what to do to calm her down), because she seemed as somebody extremely nice with the way Ivar described her and she shouldn’t have had somebody just barging in her life with a child that could shatter her relationship with Ivar.

Maybe you should have spoked with her, explaining that you weren’t a threat to her and her child in the slightest.

One day Ivar would have gotten tired of this toy and would have wanted a new one.

And yet, the way Ivar had reacted immediately when Eric had got hurt and the way he played almost naturally with him (even informing himself on ‘The Flash’) was genuine and you hoped it’d last.

You were coming back home, just in time for a shower and a dinner, since Eric had insisted to teach Ivar a few tricks with the balls in the nearby field and Ivar, although clumsily, had agreed, even going as far as to ask you to film him getting won over by your child.

Eric had fallen asleep on the field and you had had to use a bit of Ivar’s help to get him back in the car, as he asked you if you needed anything.

‘Just do me a favor and try calling again Freydis, she’s probably going to switch her phone soon, believe me’.

‘If it makes you sleep well at night…’ he had replied simply, shifting the sarcasm back onto you, and it had been… strange.

Although again, from what Ivar said, Freydis seemed nice, he had seemed to talk about her as somebody would of an idealized role-model, but with less passion and more analysis of why ‘she was such a good partner’.

But it wasn’t your place to judge.

You woke up Eric as you arrived at home, the big boy immediately attaching himself to you as a koala, as you pleaded with him to let you go.

‘Mommy is a frail gazelle, and you weight like an elephant!’.

‘Mommy you are more a lemur’.

‘You pass a few hours with Ivar and then you treat me like this!’ you had retorted before tickling him till he had asked for forgiveness and had been awake enough to walk on his own, helped by you, because due to the strain he had put himself through his legs hurt.

‘A quick bath will solve everything’ you had mumbled and as you had helped him clean himself, as he played absentmindedly with a small boat, he had asked the fateful question you had been waiting for him to ask:

“Is… Is Ivar my daddy?”.

You froze in your movements, although you had been waiting for that question since Phineas had pointed it out.

In the end Eric was a smart boy, he certainly wouldn’t have missed all the clues.

And you couldn’t lie anymore.

“Yes” you mumbled trying to keep your tone low, as you saw your child’s eyes brighten and immediately all that fear of your child being hurt scared you even more than the thought of him running away from you.

“Then why didn’t he tell me before?” he continued asking, curious enough to prove to you that he had inherited Ivar’s precious mind.

“Because I asked him not to” you mumbled gently, seeing immediately offense shining in his eyes “… you see me and your dad… we didn’t have a good relationship, your dad… your dad and I aren’t together”.

“Does that mean that he isn’t my daddy” his tone honestly broke your heart and you couldn’t help but be hurt by this yourself and you hurried to shush him softly.

“No no, he is, but…” you didn’t want to break your heart to your own child, but you couldn’t keep him in the shadows “:.. daddy has another child on the way and a woman who will become his wife soon, so he might… he might not want you to call him ‘daddy’ “.

You tried to be the most delicate possible, but you, yourself, were on the verge of tears and were grateful that Eric didn’t ask questions for a bit, as he seemed to think all over this.

“… but I’m your mom and he’s your daddy that means that we’ll always love you, even if we are a bit busy… “ you tried to sweeten everything “… don’t ever doubt that”.

He seemed to think about it again and as your heart was breaking you rushed to take him in a big hug, as he hugged you back immediately and you stayed like that till you felt  a bit too cold for your drenched shirt, and gently moved your child away slightly to help him out of the bathtub.

As you were drying his hair, he finally spoke again.

“… but can I ask him if I can call him ‘daddy’, the next time we see him?”.

And you smiled at the sweetness of your boy.

“Of course, sweetie”.

---

Ivar had tried to call Freydis but again her phone was off.

He was halfway through asking Oleg to dig up his ‘sources’ to search her, when he walked back in the apartment and found her there, as if solely his positive thought had made her appear.

And he honestly had a few minutes in which he simply looked at her getting dinner ready thinking it might be a hallucination.

And as much as he had been worried, he couldn’t help but also be a bit disappointed by her presence.

And guilty for having spent the day with you.

She continued preparing of dinner, and Ivar took his sweet time adjusting everything about himself, such as getting out of his braces and pushing his light coat onto the coat-hanger, making less noise possible, as if a noise would have startled her into disappearing.

He felt like he was in trap, having no other option than to acknowledge her presence and she did the same with him.

With her usual smile as if nothing had happened.

But it only angered Ivar further.

“… where were you?” he asked, huffing out the question “… I was worried”.

“I was over at Ubbe’s house” and the affirmation hit Ivar in the guts, because he’d have expected his brother to at least say something, maybe to ease his smaller brother’s worries.

And worst of all: what would he have thought about Ivar letting his wife go.

“… I think we need to talk” he muttered, since Freydis was certainly ignoring the entire situation as if it hadn’t happened “… about what happened last night”.

And finally Freydis stopped her rummaging of the kitchen to look at him, her pretty clear eyes and her styled hair doing nothing of what they’d use to do on Ivar’s heart, as if it was frozen and not even her timeless beauty could make him feel better or less annoyed by her childish antics.

And her betrayal.

“I… I am sorry” mumbled Freydis, completely surprising him as he expected her to at least keep up her attitude of the previous night “… last night… I was… out of control”.

And what was worst of all was that deep down he felt annoyed by her apology.

As if he felt it wasn’t genuine.

He kept his mouth shut, playing the silence game with her as she stammered through what he’d have described as ‘excuses’:

“… I was a bit tipsy… and I… it’s shocking, isn’t it?”.

“Freydis, I am not…” he tried to formulate a thought that wouldn’t have made her feel attacked “… I am also not completely in the right, since I should have told you about it from the start but it was a shock for me too”.

“Well… but for me… think this like me, Ivar, please” she pleaded softly as she sat down in front of him “… you are pregnant and your fiancé finds out he had a child from a past relationship… would you have felt calm?”.

He certainly wouldn’t have been calm, but at the same time the possessive and mean way she had talked to him and about Eric.

“Certainly no, but I’d have asked for explanations” and then decided on the matter.

“… I wanted to, but then… you were so convinced to keep the baby in our life…” she was stammering again, as if her confusion was a sign of her heartbreak, the same way she had felt when she had discovered it “… and since you didn’t tell me I thought you wanted to keep it a secret, that you’d have discarded me for another…”.

And in that moment, finally, Freydis’ apology seemed genuine.

But mostly because he, himself could understand her train of thoughts: the worry of being replaced being one of his biggest fear.

And one hand shot out to hers to comfort her softly and she leaned in immediately.

“Freydis, I am not discarding you, I want you, I want you as my wife” he spoke, his tone slowing on every word, as she softly moved even closer to him, gently purring against his warmer body “… but Eric is my child and I don’t want to abandon him”.

And although Freydis hid well her annoyance to this, he still felt her stiffen against him, eventually getting her to simply nod, but she didn’t speak.

But it could have been worse.

And yet he thought about the afternoon with you…

… it could have been better.

---

You had managed to brighten Eric’s mood through a ‘rewatch’ of the ‘Small Avengers’ series and as the phone drilled, he immediately caught to get it, faking being Quicksilver, as your mother pretended to catch him.

But he dodged her quickly and got the ‘magical phone’, joking he had defeated Ultron as you and your mother faked being dead and defeated.

Eric proceeded to answer the phone, since he thought it might have been Phineas, calling him to chat about the game, since they usually would spend the afternoon together talking and they hadn’t been able to do it, today.

And you were very surprised when Eric thrilled an excitedly screamed: ‘mom it’s Ivar!’.

And you quickly ‘reanimated’ yourself and rushed for the phone, as your mother’s hands wrapped around Eric, and you moved to your room, in order to have a bit of privacy.

“Haven’t you had enough of us?” you joked, although you felt like choking.

“… maybe not” he shot back “… she came back”.

And Gosh it hurt.

Although you were aware that a relationship between you two wasn’t possible and you had made peace with that, still the notion that he had moved on, hurt you in a way that stole all the breath from your lungs.

It was impossible that already five years had passed.

“I am glad” your tone was pointed “… now don’t fuck it up”.

You were almost ready to close the phone in his face, when his voice kept on talking.

“I told her about Eric, and how I won’t abandon him, even though I am marrying her”.

That was unexpected, to say the least.

“… how did she take it?” you asked between tight teeth.

“Well… I think”.

“That doesn’t seem well” you shot back, with a sarcastic laugh.

“… it was either that or not being together” the ruthless voice Ivar had assumed made a shiver go down your spine “… now that I have finally found you, I am not giving up on you”.

He could have said ‘Eric’ or ‘him’ but he had chosen ‘you’.

You shouldn’t honestly overthink about it all…

… but you were overthinking it.

“Now can I talk with him?”.

Yeah, you shouldn’t overthink the entire thing.

“Just let me get him” you replied softly, as you found Eric with his ear against the door of your room “… we have had the talk”:

“That’s…” Ivar’s voice trembled lightly “… wonderful”.

You simply moved the phone onto Eric’s hands, unable to deal with this illusion any longer, as the child immediately giggled softly, and he greeted Ivar, sprinting off to his own room, but you could hear clearly when he called Ivar ‘daddy’.

And for the first time, in this whole mess, you thought that maybe it would have made less damage than you believed it would.

---

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[potatowitch]

finding out that the star wars sequel series was written on the fly rather than actually planned out makes so much fucking sense but also pisses me off EVEN MORE because i watched the force awakens in 2016 and within a day of leaving the cinema had a fully fleshed out idea in my head of the direction the next two films would take and the plot points they would cover, all brainstormed in the shower. 16 year old me was more capable of writing a cohesive storyline than disney was. so here you are - i rewrote the sequels to be ten times better than what disney actually gave us. enjoy.

- after rey finds luke they train for a bit then he's like "gotta tell u something. u ever heard of mara jade? she's ur mum" "wait weren't u two dating for a bit" "yeah" "does that mean ur...." "...yeah"

- "why did u leave me on jakku?" "i didnt. she did. i only just learned u existed i wouldve come for u" "oh."

- "...can i call u dad or" "i would be honored if u did"

- meanwhile at the resistance base leia realises finn is force sensitive, gives him her old lightsaber she had in the comics

- because come on. rewatch the force awakens and tell me that man aint fuckin feeling the "shitloads of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced" when starkiller goes off

- and he picks up a lightsaber and instinctively knows how to use it?

- also: two main heroes in a star wars film being a queer coded woman and a queer coded black man.

- and the whole "used to be a stormtrooper and defected, becomes a jedi" is a TOTALLY NEW storyline? not some tired old "white boy villain is a dick for three movies then suddenly turns Good TM right at the end" trope

- make rey explicitly asexual. she's beautiful and smart and got abs that make everyone who sees them MELT but she is NOT INTERESTED in anything but JUSTICE and PLATONIC HUGS

- finn and poe are also making out because come on, disney, if u wanted to show you're becoming more progressive having a loving interracial gay romance is the fucking easiest way to do it. BB8 has two dads and they share The Jacket

- turns out finn is a kenobi because u cannot tell me obi wan didnt Fuck. jedi code says "dont form attachments" but watch the clone wars - obi wan plays fast and loose w the jedi code at the best of times. now we got a skywalker and a kenobi working together being best buds again, THE WAY IT SHOULD BE.

- the destruction of starkiller has crippled the first order. don't fucking look at me like "the resistance just won a major, VERY VISIBLE victory but OOO no somehow they're still very low on numbers and infrastructure" NO. the public destruction of starkiller has earned the resistance an influx of allies. the republic has started publicly supporting them. the first order spent years building that thing and now not only is all that time, effort and MONEY gone, they lost a shitload of staff and military personnel when it blew up

- "the first order is rich" is a plot point I DO NOT UNDERSTAND because it directly contradicts what's going on in the expanded universe books. the first order was built from remnants of the empire that had been banished to the outer reaches of the galaxy to live out of broken down, shitty old star destroyers.

- it's the reason hux, who was raised in a decrepit old academy in the ass end of the universe by an abusive father, is SO anti republic. in his head, it's the reason he starved as a child. it's the reason his mother is dead. it's the reason he had to be raised by a father that beat him. his hatred for the republic is PERSONAL

- disney learn how to write a good villain challenge? hux EASILY could have been terrifying AND sympathetic

- hux and kylo now have to deal with how absolutely PISSED snoke is that both of them failed with starkiller. hux gets force choked and threatened. kylo gets snoke very painfully rooting around in his head. it is emphasised that snoke's relationship with these two is downright abusive.

- somewhere in there, they realise that the whole five years they've known each other snoke has been deliberately pitting them against each other and sneakily forcing them to undermine each other's authority

- they realise it was snoke's shitty leadership that lead to the destruction of starkiller. they realise that maybe they'd be better off on their own

- the two of them plot to murder snoke themselves. while this is happening, the resistance is happily building an army, gathering resources, and forming alliances. luke and rey have reunited with the resistance and now rey and finn are both happily training with luke.

- snoke dies. hux decides to take the mantle of emperor. kylo LETS HIM because he realises he doesn't know shit about fuck when it comes to leading anything more than his knights. has a crisis of confidence about how useful he actually is, then hux decides he wants to keep the knights of ren around as his personal "fuck up the resistance" squad.

- the two of them working together turn out to be fucking terrifying, competent villains. the films have short, five to ten minute sections where they explore their VERY SIMILAR traumas to make them sympathetic WITHOUT making them seem like "uwu they're not actually bad people" because THEY'RE STILL AWFUL GENOCIDAL MASS MURDERERS

- on the kylo trauma side: it's made obvious in the books that from about age 6 snoke has been in his head deliberately grooming him away from his family. make that obvious in the films. make its impact on kylo obvious in how unsure of himself he actually is. don't make his "redemption arc" one where he suddenly goes light side. give him a bastardisation arc where he realises his whole life he has never made a choice - and then make THE FIRST ORDER his choice. (it is the wrong choice! emphasise that! but make him MAKE THAT CHOICE)

- the resistance thinks they're doing well. they have two new jedi. they've seen very little of the first order outside of small operations that they've been squashing. they think "hm. starkiller's loss must have crippled them. we're doing well!"

- until they learn actually. they've got an emperor now. and the commander of the knights of ren is INCREDIBLY loyal to him. the first order is PISSED OFF and VENGEFUL. they're back with a force. they've started invading and subjugating planets even with their forces cut as thin as they are because hux is a military mastermind and kylo and the knights of ren are a fucking TERRIFYING unit in combat.

- also why did disney decide to present hux in the films as a weak pissbaby when he probably topped his class in all combat situations and fights dirty in close quarters. man can SNIPE. man will bite your fucking finger off if you manage to disarm him. he is a 6 foot beanpole and he will kick your ass

- kylo has a crisis about actually having to kill his mother, uncle and cousin. he still feels a bit bad about han - despite everything, he still loves them and is struggling. he actually confides in his knights about this. we get to see that the knights of ren have a found family dynamic with their commander and they comfort him.

- kylo realises it will be painful to murder the last of his bio family but it must be done, because he's come around to hux's view that the resistance and the republic are standing in the way of true peace in the galaxy. he actually believes that reinstating an empire is the best thing for the galaxy. this makes him a more effective villain because he actually believes what he's doing is right.

- more stormtroopers defect to the resistance. finn is there to welcome them and help them adjust. there's a couple of lowkey force sensitive troopers in there too. we learn more about how horrible, soul crushing and traumatic stormtrooper training is. this is a good way to keep painting the first order as an organisation that violates human rights and the geneva convention at every turn.

- the first order makes up for this loss of troops in picking up recruits from the planets they've taken over in the outer rim because they've been providing stability. again - it is SO EASY to write the first order as sympathetic villains WHO ARE STILL FASCIST ASSHOLES. this would've been such a good opportunity to show the moral argument between stability vs freedom. show the flaws in the republic because they do exist!! we see that throughout the ENTIRE expanded universe! every iteration of the republic fails in some way!

- the fight against the first order becomes increasingly more difficult, but they're actually on pretty even ground. it doesn't make sense to me that disney decided to go for the route of "the resistance should've been squished easily by the might of the first order but uwu kylo can't make up his mind and thats what saves them!" that is not a compelling storyline! they are relatively evenly matched and the resistance only JUST comes out on top!

- kylo kills luke in actual combat, not just "luke randomly dissolves for ... no good reason?". this hits the resistance HARD. rey and finn have to struggle with their desire for revenge. leia realises her son is beyond help. it nearly breaks her. she has a moment where she feels like she has lost everything. poe has to step in to remind her she still has him. it is revealed that he joined the resistance after the first order killed his family HORRIBLY when he was a teenager and he and leia sort of have a mother/son relationship.

- this is also a good way to juxtapose hux and kylo. they took their trauma and it made them awful. poe takes his trauma and it makes him kind. it makes him want to protect people from what he went through. also gets rid of the "haha we made the latino man have a drug dealer background" bullshit that disney did

- poe also has to comfort his boyfriend and best friend and remind them that they are fighting to make the galaxy a better place, NOT for revenge. then they have a discussion about "yeah, don't make revenge your main priority, but the jedi were a bit wrong in saying that you shouldn't enjoy it anyway. it's going to feel good to fucking murder kylo and that's okay". acknowledgement that the old jedi code was garbage and too restrictive for actual PEOPLE to follow it.

- kylo still can't kill leia or chewie. we get flashbacks of her singing to him, braiding his hair, comforting him after nightmares. we see baby ben riding on chewie's shoulders. seeing the conflict between kylo recognising his family loved him and still choosing to be a villain would have RUINED ME. he tells hux this, expecting hux to shoot him for it. hux understands - he had a mother, once. the republic killed her.

- (they actually didn't. she was an imperial slave and was probably left behind when an imperial settlement was being razed. the only reason hux actually survived was because he was his father's only heir. there's a whole spiel in the books about brendol going "this kid is a piece of shit bastard i dont want him" and imperial officials being like "the empire needs kids. go pick him up")

- hux decides to kill leia instead. he nearly dies doing so because woman is STILL a force to be reckoned with even at this age. remember she is actually trained to use a lightsaber AND guns. the only reason hux doesn't die? kylo steps in at the last minute and kills his own mother. he's made his choice. he mourns, and then he steels. there is nothing left to pull him to the light side anymore.

- anakin has given up trying to bring his grandson to the light from beyond the grave. him and obi wan are focusing their force ghost attention on rey and finn. now luke and leia are both there too. we get the same "all my jedi ancestors are rooting for me" moment that disney gave us, except now it's shared between rey and finn.

- the two of them plus chewie cut through the knights of ren until they get to kylo. he kicks the living shit out of them, but they manage to kill him. rey earns some gnarly, sexy scars. chewie needs a hug and goddamn does he get one.

- poe is the one to kill hux. he's not just doing it for the galaxy, he's doing it for leia. the first order already stole his first family from him. he won't lose his second family to them. bonus points if BB8 joins the fight and like ... tases hux in the leg a few times.

- we get some gratuitous "c3p0 and r2 are sneaking through an imperial base and fucking shit up but like, badly because 3p0 never stops talking" scenes

- you want to bring rose tico into it? she's head of the resistance's infiltration team. she's with the droids taking down shields, stabbing people in the back, freeing prisoners, stealing plans, sowing chaos. she's the one who finally takes down phasma.

- without their emperor and the knights of ren, the new empire crumbles pretty quickly. the resistance has taken HEAVY losses but they have won. we get a very beautiful funeral scene for luke and leia. there's a gorgeous group hug between finn, rey, poe, chewie and bb8. poe and finn smooch against the sunset.

- we see finn and rey going into crystal caves to get kyber crystals. poe, chewie, bb8, r2 and 3P0 wait outside the cave in the falcon for them to be done picking up their crystals, then we see finn and rey inside the falcon building their new lightsabers with guidance from a bunch of force ghosts. we get to see that rey has chosen to decorate the inside of the falcon with a bunch of potted plants so she can be surrounded by greenery at all time. the found family aesthetic is STRONG

- rey builds a saber pike. it comes out golden. finn builds a standard single blade saber that comes out white, like ahsoka's. gold to emphasise protection of the weak and the perfect blend of combat and scholarly pursuits. white to emphasise free will from both the jedi and the sith. it is emphasised that these two will NOT be your traditional jedi.

- we see an epilogue where poe is working to help shift the republic's focus from political squabbling to actually protecting its citizens. he leads reconstruction efforts, helps establish more of a presence in the outer rim, constantly fights for moving resources from protecting the republic's assests to providing food, shelter and safety to its citizens.

- finn is constantly by his side. we see him protecting his new husband, on the front lines destroying remnants of the empire and the first order, and using his combat prowess to absolutely murder slave owners.

- rey has taken to training new force sensitives with chewie by her side, however she recognises the jedi code has been failing force sensistives for millennia, and instead her teachings are more aligned with the grey jedi philosophy. she recognises that people feel anger, hate, grief - and that they are all valid emotions. it's what you choose to do with them that is important.

- she actively encourages personal connection, believing that loving your friends and family is righteous and the true path to the light side. her apprentices all adore her, and she is always there for them - she'll listen to their worries, from something as small as "i am 13 years old and my first crush just rejected me" to "i am a former slave coming to you after the first order murdered my family and tortured me. i am having nightmares and am afraid of the anger i feel".

- she encourages apprentices to stay in contact with their family, and she becomes that family for the ones who have lost theirs.

- you get the feeling that this time, peace in the galaxy is actually going to last. anakin, obi wan, luke and leia look on from the Force in pride at their children and grandchildren. they did good. they can finally rest.

- the sequels have made personal choice a major theme. finn chooses to defect. poe and rey choose to be kind, when they have every reason not to be. hux and kylo make the wrong choices. there's no flip flopping like a dead fish between good and evil until the very last second. the lines between kindness and freedom and hatred and subjugation are clearly drawn again and again.

- i sit in the cinema after the screen goes black and i weep. i am satisfied. this was a fitting end for a franchise i have loved for most of my life.

[kiwiimmellon134]

ONE LAST TIME

(not my gif!)

summary — in which the resistance’s best fights try and recruit one of the galaxy’s deadliest creature resulting in an unwanted reunion.

word count — 2k words

paring(s) — vampire hunter!poe dameron x fem!vampire!reader

warning(s) — blood, violence, and angst

notes — this vampire au is heavily based on the vampire diaries so this is gonna follow a lot of the supernatural lore of the show. and my first fic on this app, be gentle

Being a vampire wasn’t exactly your cup of tea when it first happened. But the longer you were a vampire, the more you got used to it and the more you embraced it. You were turned by Emperor Palptine himself, the first vampire.

You were the granddaughter of a Sith Lord and it was why Palpatine turned you in the first place. You were a member of the Original Bloodline, the first line of vampires.

The Sith vampires became power hungry and started a war that lasted one thousand years, and is still being fought till now. It began with the Empire, led by your grandmother and Anakin Skywalker.

But then, Luke Skywalker destroyed the Empire’s weapon, seemingly ending the war. Until the First Order rose under you and Kylo Ren.

The First Order had allies among the vampire species. They made sure to make allies with the most deadly creatures in the galaxy. Although, the Resistance had an alliance with the werewolves. Meanwhile, the witches were neutral. The playing field was even since a werewolf bite was toxin and dangerous to vampires.

You had left the First Order a while ago. You finally saw the evils the First Order was doing and left. You snuck away in the middle of the night. You were an ally the Resistance wanted.

General Leia Organa sent her best vampire hunter, Poe Dameron, and his two closest friends, Finn and Rey, to find a new ally for the Resistance. They ended up on a planet named Vela, in hopes of finding this new ally.

"Where did Leia say to search?" Rey asked as the trio walked down the street that was suspiciously empty.

"Here," Poe said, leading them to a bar. Poe, Finn, and Rey entered the bar and were met with a bloody dead body. "Gross," Finn said softly.

They turned into the main room of the bar and saw the horror that waited for them. Blood splattered on the walls and floor, bodies were scattered along the bar and there were some dismembered limbs as well.

Poe looked over at the broomstick resting against the wall. Poe snapped a piece of the broomstick off to make a stake. He only knew about one creature that could create this kind of mess.

Rey swallowed down the distaste in her mouth and felt sick to her stomach. "Holy shit," Rey whispered.

There, in the center of it all, was you, feeding on a dead body with her back facing the trio. You released the man's neck with a snarl and the man's head fell onto the ground with a disgusting thud. You turned around with blood-red eyes and grey veins trickling down from your eyes.

Your mouth and chin were covered in blood. "You've got to be kidding me," Poe commented.

Your eyes turned back to normal and she sighed. "You've got to be kidding me." You said. "Haven't seen you around here in a long time," You added.

"Been busy," Poe answered.

"You know her?" Finn asked.

"I dated her." Finn and Rey turned their heads to look at him, "You what?" Rey asked.

"It's a long story," Poe replied. "It was your typical forbidden romance," You interjected, "Vampire," You pointed to yourself, "Vampire hunter." You pointed to Poe.

"And don't forget the fact you're a manipulative bitch," Poe added.

"Ouch," You put her hand over her heart, "Did my betrayal hurt you that much?"

You met Poe when you were still with the First Order. You found out he was a vampire hunter not long after you met and you came clean about being a vampire to him.

You both tried to make it work. You really did. But you came from opposite sides of the war. Kylo found out about your relationship with him and gave you a choice.

You chose the First Order, which broke your heart but you wanted to stay on the First Order’s good side.

"Okay, who is she?" Rey asked softly.

You introduced yourself to them, "And I come from the Original bloodline. And I'm a Ripper." You explained, "You know what that means?"

When you were met with silence, you answered your own question. "It means I literally can't stop feeding until I tear your head off," You explained, your eyes slowly shifting back to red.

Rey and Finn slowly moved behind Poe since he was the only one relaxed in this situation. "I need to talk to her alone," Poe whispered back to his two friends.

"What?" Finn asked, "Did you not hear what she just said? She will kill you."

"She can't kill me even if she wanted to," Poe replied. He looked at you with a small smirk, "Not unless she wants to deal with me for the rest of her life."

"Don't remind me," You rolled her eyes.

"Let's just say I have supernatural immunity. Go wait outside. This won't take long." Poe said. Rey and Finn hesitantly nodded and left the bar. They were glad to get out of the bar though, it smelt ridiculously bad.

"And what exactly are you planning on doing with that?" You asked, looking down at the stake in his hand, "You think you can kill me? I'm two hundred years older than you."

"I can take you."

You laughed softly, shaking her head slightly. "When did you turn it off? Your humanity?" Poe asked. He knew you wouldn't do it unless you didn't care, if you didn't feel.

"Two years ago." You answered, "I just need to get on human blood. Get off of that rabbit diet my uncle put me on and get back to my roots." Poe glanced down at the floor for a quick moment. Two years ago? You broke up two years ago. Poe looked back up at you.

"General Leia thinks you'll make a good ally to the Resistance. I don't know why since you're the same selfish vampire I've always known." There was a time when Poe really believed you could do good. That you weren’t the same as your family that was currently trying to take over the galaxy.

Just like there was a time where you believed you could change. You wanted to change. For him.

Your face fell for a moment. Just a quick moment as you processed his words. Then, your face hardened again and you replied, "Fucking hell, I lie to you once and you won't let me live it down."

"You could've killed me," Poe argued.

"Yeah, well, I didn't. You know that stupid curse got in the way. Believe me, if the curse didn't exist, I would've torn you apart... And you know it." The Hunter's curse was the only thing stopping vampires such as you from killing hunters like Poe.

If a vampire killed a hunter, the spirit of the hunter would torment the vampire relentlessly for the end of time. Or if the vampire drove a stake through their own heart.

You wiped her chin with the back of your hand and sighed softly. "So, why are you here?" You asked, "You miss me?" You smirked.

"No, I don't," Poe replied, "The Resistance needs your help. We're just asking for some assistance. Then, once the war is over, you can go back to murdering people aimlessly."

"I'm not gonna help you. I like my little neutral alliance. It's... strangely peaceful. I get to kill whoever I want without caring if they're on your side of the First Order's side. And it's not like anyone could come after me. I'm a Sith vampire. I have as much supernatural immunity as you." You rambled.

You took a couple of steps closer to Poe and looked down at his neck, hearing his heartbeat.

You looked up into his eyes and licked your lips.

"Yeah... Thing is... I'm not necessarily asking." Poe said softly. Before you could process what he said, Poe grabbed your throat and slammed your back on a tabletop, holding you down by your neck. He brought up his other hand and stabbed the stake in your chest, causing you to yell in pain.

"Two more inches and I pierce your heart," Poe said, twisting the stake slightly in his hand. You groaned in pain. "So what's it gonna be?" Poe asked.

"God, you're hot..." You whispered softly. You put your hand on his wrist causing his hand to tighten ever so slightly around your throat. "When did you get so hot...?" Poe slowly drove the stake further in her chest, you winced in pain.

"Don't flirt with me."

Your eyes flicked down to the stake and back up at Poe. "You wouldn't..." You argued, "If you did, my entire bloodline would come after you."

"Not like they could kill me," Poe retorted.

"You think the curse is gonna stop them?" You asked, wincing in pain again, "You fuck with one of the Originals and the others will kill you. Curse or not. Besides... You care about me too much to kill me."

Poe leaned down and whispered in your ear, "I couldn't care less about you. Gotta be honest, I might even hate you. So, it looks like our little love story ends here."

You tightened your grip on his wrist and twisted it, pulling his hand off of your neck and a loud snap echoed through the bar. Poe shouted in pain, which alerted Rey and Finn outside, and you kicked him off of her. You pulled the stake out of your heart and got off of the table, the wound already healing.

You grabbed his throat, like what he did to you, and stabbed the stake in his gut, expertly missing everything important. "You hate me?" You asked as Poe groaned from the pain, "That sounds like the beginning of a love story, Poe. Not the end of one." You heard the bar doors open and the footsteps of Rey and Finn coming.

You let go of Poe and used her vampire speed to leave the room before Rey and Finn came into the bar. "Poe!" Finn shouted as he and Rey rushed to Poe's side.

"She doesn't want to help," Poe winced.

"We noticed." Rey retorted.

Poe was fine after a long period of rest. You disappeared again, flying under the First Order's and the Resistance's radar. But Poe's seen the messes she left behind, the amount of people you killed made Poe second guess his belief that you could be good.

The war ended after many more months of fighting. The Resistance didn't need your help to win, but you still would've been a powerful enemy against the First Order. A lot of the vampires went into hiding and the galaxy finally felt peace.

Currently, Poe was back on Yavin IV, his home planet, tending to his x-wing with BB-8 beside him. BB-8 let out an alarmed beep, making Poe turn around. Lingering in the shadows was a figure Poe knew all too well.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He asked. You stepped out from the overhead shadow and into the light, "I heard the war's over." Poe looked at BB-8, not saying anything. BB-8 turned and rolled away from you two.

"What do you want?" Poe asked.

"I wanted to see you," You replied. "I've been thinking about—"

"—Save it. I don't want to play your games." Poe interrupted.

"Us," You finished her sentence anyways, "I've been thinking about us."

"There is no more 'us'. Not after everything." Poe pointed at you and took one large stride closer to you, "You did this to us."

"And you're right. I know what I did..." You trailed off. Poe could hear the softness in your voice, something was different from the last time they spoke in that bar. "I just... I'm sorry." You spoke softly.

"You turned your humanity back on, didn't you?" Poe asked.

"And I'm off human blood," You continued, "I stopped killing." Poe knew that statement was true, the killings dropped immensely toward the end of the war. You did stop killing.

"Just... Give me another chance. Don't give up on me... please." You pleaded.

"Tell me you didn't come here with the expectation that I would take you back just because you can feel emotions again." You frowned and glanced down.

"I just wanted to see you," You replied, "One last time..." You whispered.

"What does that mean?" Poe questioned.

"I'm..." You trailed off, stumbling slightly because your knees gave out from under you. Poe quickly threw out his arms and caught you before you could hit the ground.

"What’s going on?" Poe asked.

"Some werewolves jumped me a couple days ago..." You explained softly. You grabbed your jacket sleeve and slowly rolled it up your forearm, exposing the infected bite. Poe stared down at the bite mark, shocked.

"Heh... I'm dying..." You chuckled lightly, smiling weakly. Poe reached down and picked up your legs, carrying you bridal style.

"What're you—"

"—Shh."

Poe carried you back to his house and laid you down on his couch in the living room. Poe crouched down beside you and you shifted, getting comfortable.

"Poe..." You muttered.

"Just relax," Poe replied. Poe gently reached up and tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear.

"I know... You hate me," You began softly, "And that's fine. But I..." You gently put your hand on his cheek, "I love you, Poe. I always have."

He mumbled your name, then used his hand to lower yours.

"What I felt was real... And I hope what you felt was real too... I just want to ask you one thing." You continued.

"What is it?" Poe asked softly.

"You know no vampire has survived a werewolf bite. And you know how painful a bite is in its final stages... I just want you to..." You stopped, taking deep breaths.

"You're asking me to kill you?" Poe asked.

"You didn't seem to have a problem with it at the bar..." You replied, "Please... I wouldn't have it any other way." Poe looked down in deep thought.

"There's no way around this. I'm not gonna live..." You laughed slightly, trying to lighten the mood, "This... This is where our love story ends." Despite the weak smile on your face, tears escaped your eyes.

Poe felt tears prick his eyes, "What about your family?"

"I don't even know where they are..." You answered. "Just do this one thing for me..."

Poe remained silent and stood up. "I'll be right back. Try and rest," He said softly. Poe walked away from you, thinking about his options.

He didn't have many. Let you suffer from the werewolf bite or... just put you out of her misery now. There was no cure for a werewolf bite. You were going to die.

Poe entered his room, feeling a heavy weight on his heart. He didn't want to admit it out loud but he did care about her. Deep down. He did.

Poe pulled out a duffle bag from underneath his bed and unzipped it. He reached inside and pulled out a stake. Poe exited his room and headed back toward you.

Poe gently lifted up your upper body and slipped on the couch under you, resting you back on his chest, putting the stake on the coffee table in front of the couch.

"Hey," Poe said softly, "I'm here. Just breathe."

You slowly looked up at him, "I can't believe I'm about to die with the entire galaxy thinking I'm a monster... Including you," You said.

"You're not a monster. I spent a long time blaming you for what happened between us. I'm sorry. You deserve peace." Poe said, his voice shaking slightly. Your gaze fell and she saw the stake sitting on the table

"Look at me," Poe mumbled, grabbing your chin and turning your head back up to him.

"Careful. I might think you actually care about me." You joked, your breaths getting shallower and shallower.

"Maybe I do." Poe replied, keeping his voice quiet and soft. Poe moved his hand to grab the stake from the table. Your eyes followed his movements.

"Hey, look at me," Poe said, seeing you look away. You gazed back up at him, "Just keep your eyes on me, yeah? Just look at me. Nothing else." You nodded again.

Poe brought the tip of the stake to your chest with shaky hands and then felt your hand on his, telling him that it's okay. "Don't forget me, okay?" You asked softly.

"I won't..." Poe answered, "I'll never forget you." Poe said softly, tears building in his eyes.

You nodded, tears falling down your face. You could feel him moving his hand back. "Wait," You whispered, using your hand to stop his hand, "Tell me you love me... Even if it's a lie. Please..."

"I love you." Poe replied with a shaky tone. Those words brought you a strange sense of peace. You finally felt peace. You leaned your head against his chest and closed your eyes. Poe pulled his hand back slightly and then stabbed your heart.

You gasped and Poe finally let the tears fall. Poe rested his chin on top of your head. Poe looked down and watched your body turn a dark grey color. You were desiccating. You were dead.

Poe sighed defeatedly and planted a kiss on top of your head. "I love you." Poe repeated quietly.

my one tag lol : @damndamer0n

[margoshansons]

Desperate Measures: 13/?

Masterlist

Summary: the hundred stands their ground and tries to save what little population they have left. Bellamy and Reader get separated.

Notes: this is the finale! if you want season 2 let me know but I’m gonna take a break for a while until the new year. 

“You know the first thing I'm gonna do when I get to the beach?" Miller's voice wove itself through her ears, having moved up to the middle of the pack.

"No, what?" Y/N asked, letting out a hiss of pain as she dragged her foot over a tree root, turning to face her friend.

A smile burst across his face, "I'm gonna go surfing,"

She let out a laugh at the silly goal, wondering if it was a viable option on this hell planet. She had given up on those small dreams the moment Jasper was speared. She had so many. She wanted to climb a tree, go swimming, hike until her feet got sore. Instead, she was running from murderers with spears. The camp halted, and she caught a glimpse of Octavia's hand near the front of the pack

"What is it?" Y/N asked, pulling herself upward and releasing her grip on Miller's shoulder.

Jasper wondered the same thing, lowering his gun before asking, "Why are we stopping?"

"I don't know."

"I don't see anything."

Silence blanketed the group, soon broken as silver flew their way, a blade lodging itself down the middle of Drew's face, their position given away. Miller and Y/N shared a look before looking forward again, the crowd beginning to stir.

Jasper readied his gun, "GROUNDERS!" He bellowed, joining the rest of the gunners in protecting the camp as they scrambled back toward the dropship, back toward their safety net. Miller picked up Y/N in his arms, handing her off to Bellamy as the stampede persisted, taking his place next to Jasper as a protector of the delinquents.

The gate shut behind the last of the group, Drew's dead body collapsing to the ground as his eyes stared blankly upward, fear the last emotion he had felt.

"Where are they?" Bellamy asked, placing her down on the wall next to him, "Why aren’t they attacking?"

"Because we're doing exactly what they want us to." Clarke joined them, shooting Y/N a confused look at the closeness the two shared. She rolled her eyes, making sure Clarke understood that now was not the right time for this. They turned back to Bellamy, "Lincoln said the scouts would be the first to arrive."

Octavia piped up, "If it's just scouts we can fight our way out." She was ready for a fight, whether it was inside these walls or out, she wanted to fight something.

"I agree with Octavia," Finn commented, breathless from the run back "For all we know there's one scout out there."

Y/N rolled her eyes, "They’re grounders, do you really think they'd only send one?" Her words came out harsher than she meant to. She was tired of running. She was tired of hiding.

"Clarke, we can still do this." Octavia interjected, a pleading look on her face."

"Looking to you princess," Bellamy chimed in, sending an expectant look Clarke's way, "What’s it gonna be?"

Clarke locked her gaze with Y/N's, heart pulling at the sight of her injury. It was doubtful she and Raven would make it in the first place, but now? They needed rest, they needed to survive. She dropped from the wall.

"Lincoln said scouts, more than one," She reminded Finn, "He said 'get home before the scouts arrive' they're already here."

She sent a harsh look at Bellamy and Y/N before walking away to help Raven into the dropship. Y/N shared a smile with Bellamy, pulling herself up as they met each other's gazes.

"Looks like you've got your fight." She told him. He nodded, shouting orders at the gunners while Y/N hissed in pain, trying to ignore the bleeding coming from her leg. Just because it was good to walk on, didn't mean she should do it.

"Come on" Bellamy gestured forward, "We gotta get you to the dropship."

"Wait!" She stopped, tearing herself out of Bellamy's arms to approach Miller, pulling him into an embrace. "Don't die. Please."

"I won't" He promised before pulling away, playing lieutenant to the gunners of the camp.

"Come on," Bellamy told her, hitching his arm around her once more before dragging her into their new metal coffin.

***

"We've got 25 rifles with 20 rounds each, give or take." Bellamy explained, his eyes shifting back and forth between the table and Y/N, making sure she was okay, "Roughly 500 rounds of ammo." He explained to Clarke and Finn, placing his hands on the table, "While you two were gone we made some improvements, thanks to Raven and Y/N, the gully's mined."

"Partially mined," Raven spoke up, her voice cracking in pain, "thanks to murphy."

Anger stirred in his chest as he remembered the events of the morning, the asshole holding a gun to Y/N's head and forcing her to say things she probably didn't even mean. He shook his head forcing that thought out of his head as he returned to the problem at hand.

"it’s the main route in so if the grounders use it, we'll know." Bellamy explained, "They also built grenades."

"Not many," Y/N spoke up this time, hissing in pain, "Again thank you murphy." She gestured to her leg when she said that.

"We'll make 'em count." he promised her, "If the grounders get through the gate guns and grenades should hold them back."

"And then?" Clarke asked, as if there was any other plan.

"Then we close the door and pray." Y/N leaned against the table, finally able to walk on her injury. "It's the only choice we have."

"The ship won't keep them out." Clarke continued to protest, looking between the two leaders, as if there was some secret they refused to share. Instead, Bellamy locked eyes with Y/N, catching the determination swirling in her own while he contemplated the smirk that crossed her face.

"So we won't let them get through the gate." She told Clarke. Her confidence was almost enough to transfer over to Bellamy. Almost.

"You said there's fuel in those rockets right?" Clarke turned to Raven, ignoring the promise Y/N had just made. "Enough to build 100 bombs."

Raven shrugged, "I also said there's no gunpowder left."

Clarke shook her head, sending a blazing gaze toward the mechanic "I don't want to build a bomb. I wanna blast off." Bellamy furrowed his brow in confusion, watching the three women discuss their new plan.

"Draw them in close, fire the rockets," Raven muttered, a smile tugging at her lips.

 "A ring of fire." Y/N whispered excitedly, her eyes lighting up at the prospect.

"Barbecued grounders, I like it."

"Can you do it?" Finn asked.

Raven and Y/N shared a look, speaking a different language than the others before turning back to the group, "You give us enough time, we'll cook em real good."

***

"Hey" Bellamy caught her by the arm as she moved to push herself into the bottom half of the dropship, "Be careful okay?"

"I will" She nodded, glancing at the gun he held at his side. "You too. You need to stay alive you hear me?" She pressed, her tone urgent. "I need you to stay alive."

He nodded, eyes flickering downward before his lips graced her cheek, the soft touch pressing against her, releasing unknown endorphins in her brain as she closed her eyes, leaning into the gesture. The two leaders stared at each other, unable to grasp exactly what that meant for each other. 

"I had to do that." He whispered softly, eyes scanning her face as his throat moved up and down. "Just once."

"You're coming back." She assured him, both of her hands intertwining with his as their foreheads touched, eyes closed in prayer. "I won't let you die. I promise. I'll run down to hell myself and pull you back to the living if I have to."

Bellamy chuckled, meeting her gaze as the two broke apart, "Well, I'm glad to know I have my very own Orpheus ready to fight against Hades for me."

She playfully pushed his shoulder at the reference. "Shut up, you're such a nerd."

Their hands intertwined, the laughter died down as the sound of war drums was heard through the camp. She swallowed, her nervous gaze never leaving his own as he curled her hand against his face, pressing his lips to her palm before marching off to war.

The plan was going about as well as she expected it to. Raven couldn't move, so it left only her and Clarke to find the igntition system and get everything hooked up.

"You have to find the wire that connects the manual override--"

"To the electromagnet, I know" Y/N yelled up for the third time, finishing Raven's sentence.

"I thought engineers were supposed to know this." Raven joked, and Y/N cracked a smile at the attempt at banter.

"Just because we know the theory doesn't mean we know how to apply it." She admitted, searching the bottom half for the wires.

Raven paused before continuing, the silence lasting unusually long as she struggled to find the right words to say to the engineer. "I'm sorry Y/N." She spoke into the air, causing the other girl to freeze. Y/N sat on her knees, biting her cheek as Raven continued to rant. "I'm sorry I got your mom floated, I'm sorry I slept with Bellamy, I'm sorry I've been an ass since I got down to the ground. I'm sorry I didn't try harder back on the Ark, I'm just--I really need you Y/N, more than you know."

Silence filled the dropship, Clarke refusing to look at any of the girls participating in the conversation.

"You have so many people down here supporting you, and I just--"

A beat passed over the three girls. Y/N glanced upward, eyes locking onto the woman she had known since birth.

"Hey Raven?" She gulped.

"Yeah?"

"I forgive you."

Laughter floated down to the hull of the dropship as Clarke and Y/N continued, a smile tugging on their lips as Raven spoke up again. "That's a relief, I thought I had to let you sleep with Finn to even things out."

Clarke turned away at the comment, sending a shy smile to her friend before stripping another wire, the bright color a beacon of hope, "I found it!" She shouted upward.

"Now follow it to-"

"The override panel." Y/N finished examining the wire, her smile dropping into a frown, "I would except it’s fried. Totally useless." She let the wire drop down, hanging her head as her hands rubbed themselves on her knees in disappointment.

"You know how to splice a wire?" Raven asked, her voice seeming further and further away. Before any of them could respond Jasper's voice came over the radio, telling the gunners to hold their fire.

Raven's voice became reinvigorated as realization struck her, "Jasper can splice!"

Y/N grasped the radio from Clarke, pushing the button to call him, "jasper, we need you in the dropship now."

"Negative," Bellamy replied, "we can’t give up the west woods."

Y/N rolled her eyes, "The woods are mined Bellamy," She reminded him wondering why she fell for such a lovable idiot, "Now Jasper get in here."

It didn't take him long to splice the wire, and Y/N was almost impressed with the record time it took.

"Okay, got the good wire ready to graft on what’s next?" He asked, being met with silence. Y/N creased her brow as she turned her gaze upward, shouting through the hole in the ship.

"Raven?" She called still not getting a response. Worry panged against her chest, sending her heartbeat skyrocketing as she scrambled up, pushing herself on the edge, facing Clarke as she took the pulse of the now unconscious girl.

"Is she?"

"Not yet," Clarke assured her, worry still lingering behind her eyes, "but soon."

Y/N felt her breathing quicken, heart crushing itself at the thought of losing Raven. She couldn't. Not when she had just gotten her back. She pushed herself back down, looking Jasper directly in the eye.

"Finish it." She ordered before pulling herself up, scooting her legs out of the hole to stand up and face the grounders with Clarke.

"Current to magnet to valve to barbecue" Jasper repeated to himself over and over, the words fading as she met Miller at the front of the dropship.

He called out to the gunners, "They're gonna blow the gate everyone inside!"

"No" Y/N urged, knowing they needed more time, "gunners stay at your post," She shared a concerned look with Clarke before the blonde called out to the unarmed delinquents.

"the rest of you inside, now" She ordered, everyone following suit, their footsteps trampling against the silver protective metal. Everything halted as a boom rang from the sky, causing everyone, even the grounders to gaze up at the inky sky, multiple ships burning up from entering the Earth's atmosphere.

"Is that from the Ark?" Fox asked, her eyes wide.

Y/N stared up in awe, finally recognizing the shower of ships for what it was. "That is the Ark" She murmured, before heading back into the dropship, her hope restored. They weren't alone. They never were.

Marcus could be alive.

Vera could be alive.

Sinclair could be alive.

She joined Jasper down in the hull, helping him connect the wires to the necessary inputs and outputs while the grounder army grew closer. Miller's voice tore her from the now finished job.

"Clarke, Y/N, they’re taking down the gate." He warned, his gun clicking.

"Good," She pushed herself upward, carrying the remote with her, "cause we did it. We think."

She shared a hopeful look with Jasper before standing back up on the floor of the dropship, the pain in her leg nothing but a dull annoyance.

"I'm closing that door," Miller told her, as he walked toward the lever.

"Wait!" She called, pulling him back, an incredulous look crossing her face, chest tighetening as she realized Bellamy hadn’t returned yet. "We’ve still got people out there, Bellamy isn't back yet."

She and Clarke ran outside, yelling for everyone to get inside. The camp had erupted into full on chaos, the last of the gunners running into the ship as she scanned the horizon, almost missing him as he ducked back in from the bushes.

"Bellamy!" She called, running forward before being stopped by a charging grounder, Miller's rifle ending his charge and saving her. He grasped her arm, pulling her down next to Finn and Clarke. Their eyes met across the battlefield as Bellamy tried to race toward the dropship.

Toward Y/N.

"Bellamy run!" She called out in a panic, hoping her voice was loud enough to be heard over the raging battlefield. She couldn't lose him. Not after everything they'd been through. She needed him alive. She needed him.

Only one thought rang in her head as she forced herself to watch Bellamy's trek back to the dropship, mowing down any grounder that got in his way.

I need you, I need you, I need you, I need you, I need you, I need you, I need you, I need you.

He was her reason for living. He was her reason for surviving. He was the only reason she cared enough to stay alive anymore.

She sat there helplessly as Bellamy pulled out his gun on the leader of the grounder army, his gun clicking and Y/N's stomach dropped, her blood running cold as realized that Bellamy was out of bullets.

"NO!" She shrieked at the sight of the leader pounding Bellamy's face with the hilt of his sword. Bellamy stood helplessly as the leader continued throwing punch after punch, until eventually, he collapsed, "He's killing him" Her voice quivered, unable to stop the tears from gathering in the corners of her eyes.

Finn grasped a gun from the nearest delinquent, firing off a round as he ran forward to try and save Bellamy, Clarke's voice calling after him. "No Finn no!"

The two women watched as Finn tackled the grounder, giving Bellamy an open shot to lunge at the leader and land a few punches in.

Miller broke them out of their reverie, "Clarke, Y/N you can’t save everybody let's go." He pulled the two of them backward, scrambling to the dropship as Y/N sat there, Bellamy's gaze latching onto hers. Her eyes pleaded with him, told him he could make it. But his gaze was urgent, reminding her of the promise he had made before he left. 

He wouldn't die.

 And she would make sure of it. 

He nodded toward the door, eyes softening as if to let her know it's okay. That he'd be fine. They will see each other again. Her heart thudded against her chest, the battle forgotten as she continued to focus on the fact that Bellamy wasn't going to make it.

"Now!" Miller fired his gun at the hive of grounders running through the almost empty camp, Clarke and Y/N pulling each other back into the dropship, the latter running toward Jasper to set up the ring of fire, while Clarke stood by the door, pulling the lever to close the door. It was official. Bellamy and Finn weren't going to make it. Something in her snapped, sending an uncomfortable numbness coursing through her veins, heart groaning in pain.

She had no time to focus on that though, because she was staring directly into the painted eyes of Anya, who had somehow managed to board the dropship at the last second.

"Y/N, now" Clarke ordered, never taking her eyes off the grounder. Y/N nodded, flipping the switch, reeling backward in shock as nothing happened. Jasper repeated the order out loud one more time and Y/N caught one word they had forgotten about.

"We need current." She spoke aloud, grasping onto the magnet as the rest of the delinquents turned their anger toward Anya, beating whatever strength she had left out of her.

Miller grasped a gun, pointing the barrel at the grounder, "She deserves to die" He yelled, malice lacing his voice. Clarke tore the gun away, four words dripping from her mouth, reminding them of who they were in the first place.

"We are not grounders"

Y/N connected the wires to the magnet, the ground rumbling underneath them as flames spewed out from every direction, burning every living thing in its path. She breathed a sigh of relief as the dropship fell on the ground once again, her leg pain returning as she drew in a sharp inhale. The doors fell open and she settled in next to Raven, unable to stand from the effort of the night.

Red smoke clouded her vision and her alarm bells went off. Unable to run anywhere, she pulled herself back underneath the dropship, placing the panel above her head as she ignored the burnt smell of rocket fuel filling her lungs, the smoke seeping through the cracks as she pulled Bellamy's jacket closer to her, snuggling into the warmth as her consciousness slowly faded away.

and we’re done!! I’m so happy to have finished this before the end of the year! Please remember that I am a human with a life and I cannot respond to people’s requests all the time. If you want me to do that, then you’d have to pay me and I want to keep this free.

Permanent TAG LIST: @begonbirds @iamaunicorn4704 @galacticstxrdust​ @darkcrystal-wolf​

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[freelancearsonist]

"Born for This" by The Score and Poe Dameron 😍

(UPDATED) 400 Follower Celebration

Thank you for this request! I’d never heard this song before but I loved it. I’m not sure why this is the vibe I got from it but I regret nothing :)

You can’t help staring as he makes his way around the small clearing, exchanging greetings with anyone and everyone he crosses paths with.

“Oh, (Y/N),” Jess laughs softly from beside you. “You’re so smitten it’s making me sick.”

You don’t even try to deny it anymore. You did at first, but Jess can read you like a book.

She’s right. You’re so in love with Poe Dameron that it hurts, and he looks right through you like you’re not even there.

Okay, maybe not through you. He sees you, all right. The two of you are friends—he can’t exactly ignore you. But knowing that he doesn’t return your feelings just makes being near him that much worse.

It weighs on you like a ton of bricks, and you’ve gotten used to carrying that load. You hope that someday the weight will go away, but you’re smart enough to know that it won’t be any time soon. Not when a brick gets added to the pile every time you see Poe Dameron.

You’re too far inside your own head to realize that Jess has walked away and Poe is getting dangerously close. You don’t snap out of your thoughts until he’s right in front of you, extending his hand to help you stand up.

You know that touching him will hurt too much, so you push yourself to your feet on your own. You miss the flash of hurt in his gorgeous eyes because you’re avoiding looking at his face.

He doesn’t ask if you’re okay, because he can tell you’re not. How could you be? The Resistance had taken substantial losses. No one was okay.

Instead, he asks if you want to go for a walk.

You don’t want to be anywhere near him. Why, out of everyone that had survived Crait, did he want to take a walk with you? Did he derive some sort of sick satisfaction from toying with you?

You can’t bring yourself to deny his request, though. You’re putty in his hands–you have been for longer than you care to admit. You just nod, head hanging low as you will back your tears. You won’t let yourself cry over Poe Dameron. Not right in front of him. You won’t.

“I haven’t seen much of you lately,” he says quietly, hands tucked into his pockets as he leads the way through the unfamiliar jungle. “I’ve missed you.”

You whimper deep in your throat, quiet enough that he doesn’t hear it over the sound of his heavy boots against the leaves and roots and twigs. He’s breaking your heart, and he has no clue that he’s doing it.

“We’ve gotta rebuild the Resistance now,” he sighs, perfectly content to fill the silence with the sound of his own voice. “Leia… she’s getting weaker. I feel like a lot more of this is on us now, even though she says she’s fine.”

You don’t know what you’ve done to deserve his friendship, but you seriously doubt if you can go much longer without sobbing.

“If I’m being honest, there’s no one I’d rather fight alongside. This war… it sucks, and it’s far from over, but together, we’ll get through it.”

He sits down on a fallen tree trunk, leaving plenty of space for you to join him. You don’t–you can’t. You opt to lean against a nearby tree, and you finally look at him.

You wish you hadn’t. His hair is mussed up slightly, curls untamed and denser than normal. His tan skin is covered with a slight sheen of sweat due to the humidity of whatever planet you’re on, mouth open just the slightest bit. His chest rises and falls steadily, brown eyes staring at you like you’re his moon. You suppose you must be, because you gravitate around him.

“The thing I love the most about the Resistance is the people,” he continues, and you feel tears welling in your eyes. “I love that a bunch of us got together, from all over the galaxy, and we all fight with the same symbol on our arms.”

He smiles fondly as his fingers trace over the patch on his upper arm. You like this jacket–the one that replaced the one he gave to his friend Finn. You think it might’ve belonged to his father, once upon a time.

He stands up and takes a step closer, and you automatically bow your head.

“I know it looks really bad right now, and I’m gonna be honest, I lost my hope for a second there, when we were in that cave and nobody showed,” he tells you quietly, like it’s a secret. It’s not. You watched the hope leave his eyes. “But there’s no one I’d rather build a rebellion with. We were born for this.”

He’s standing too close now, and when his hand traces up your cheek and tucks your hair behind your ear your wall comes crumbling down. You flinch away from his touch, tears streaming down your face.

He recoils in an instant, concern flashing through his eyes. He’s scared he’s somehow hurt you even though he knows he hasn’t–physically, at least. He doesn’t know that he’s settled a dull ache deep within your chest.

“(Y/N), I-”

“I can’t do this,” you whimper, trying desperately not to let your voice break. “Why are you playing with me?”

“What?” His mouth hangs open slightly, and he has no clue how to respond because he has no clue what you’re talking about.

“I can’t… I can’t…” But you can’t even put to words what, exactly, you can’t. It just hurts. It hurts to be around him when you know there’s no chance that he could ever love someone like you.

He pulls you into his arms, letting you bury your face in his chest. He smooths a hand through your hair as you sob against him, fists clutched tightly in his shirt.

When you’ve calmed down to the point that your body isn’t shaking anymore, he cups your face in his hands so you’re forced to look at him, and you try desperately to escape but he won’t let you. Not until he’s told you the truth.

“I love you.”

“No you don’t,” you dispute before you can stop yourself.

His eyebrows furrow and his jaw sets in the most confused look he’s ever given anyone. “What the hell do you mean?”

“You can’t love me. I’m not… I’m not that lucky,” you whisper, and for a moment you almost think you see affection in his eyes. Almost.

“Wait, so you’ve seriously tricked yourself into believing that I could never fall for you?” He asks, completely flabbergasted. “Why would you do that?”

You just shrug. “You’ve only ever treated me like a friend.”

“Because we’ve only ever been friends.”

Oh. Oh. That makes sense. Holy shit, how did you miss that? How could you be so irrational?

“For better or for worse, I fell in love with you. Hard,” he smiles slightly, bottom lip pulled between his teeth as he stares adoringly at you. “And I’m kind of hoping you feel the same way, because you’re my best friend and I really don’t want to lose you. Not after everything else I’ve lost today.”

“I do,” you say through tears, except this time they’re good tears. Happy tears. “I love you.”

He smiles like he’s just won the galactic lottery. “Can I kiss you?”

You pull his face to yours without giving yourself time to answer.

Song Fic Masterlist

[mcrmadness]

"I’m not from the US” ask set: 4, 7, 13, 14, 15, 16, 19, 22, 26 :) :)

Thanks! :) Here is the ask set if anyone wants to send more asks!!!

Sorry for taking so long with the answer, I got bit too excited and had a busy weekend so I’ve been writing this a little bit every day because I managed to make tired on each time because of the amount of text I’m apparently able to produce because I’m a proud Finn who loves their country a bit too much :D

4. favourite dish specific for your country?

Hmmm. This is interesting question, our cuisine reminds the German one a lot to begin with and I feel like it’s just so very... basic (like: potatoes and meat/sausages + milk products). There’s also many regional dishes that I haven’t eaten because I’m from the East Finland and those are popular in the West or so, and some of these sound really disgusting too. And I want to leave out desserts like mämmi or other foods like Karelain pies and focus on actualy dishes not... So I’d say my favorite is Karjalanpaisti aka the Karelian hot pot (UK)/Karelian stew (US) so it also has bit of Russian roots for it, too. It’s more common here in the East and I don’t know about other families, but that is what my mom makes as the main food for Christmas but sometimes she cooks it even if it wasn’t Christmas. So it’s just beef, pork  and liver stew and eaten with potatoes. The broth also tastes sooooo good if you put butter on a rye bread and then dip the bread in the broth! I usually don’t eat the beed/pork pieces because I have to chew them for so long that they become so dry and lose all the taste, but I LOVE liver. And during the few past years my mom has bought local, organic Highland cow liver and made us our own stew without the beef/pork (unless beef is organic since I only eat organic meat) and omg, it’s just so good :D

And another one worth mentioning: fried vendace! It’s a small fresh water fish (’muikku’ in Finnish) and it’s a famous dish (’paistetut muikut’) especially here in Finnish Lakeland. These are always the highlight of the summer when the vendace/fish restaurants open and you get the summer’s first (and often the last too because of money lol) fried vendace meal from a restaurant :p

***

7. three words from your native language that you like the most?

- Niin kuin / Niiku / Niiko. This is a filler word, you can start a sentence with it or put it anywhere. It basically means the same as saying “like” in the middle of a sentence in English. Like, the way I’m doing now. It depends on the dialect which version one chooses to use, “niiko” is not typica for my dialect but I’ve adopted it to my speech anyway.

- Kylömä. This is a dialect word, typical for my dialect, it comes from the written word “kylmä” which means “cold”. Here in the East we like additional letters, especially vowels, so this often becomes “kylymä”. And when wanting to make it even more Savo dialect-ish, you say “kylömä”.

- Häh? / Täh? That’s right, German is not the only language with a word for the question mark mood - Finns also will say “hä???” when something goes over our heads. I think it comes from the word “mitä” which means “what”, which then has evolved into “mitäh” and from there to “täh” and finally to “häh?” But I’m not a linguist, it just sounds most logical for me like this. I also like other Finnish interjections and I wish I had similar words in English.

***

13. does your country (or family) have any specific superstitions or traditions that might seem strange to outsiders?

Finland isn’t really that superstitious anymore. Back in the day, before modern religions, Finland was very much superstitious and especially into magic a lot. And there were gods everywhere, if you saw a face in the tree, it could have been nothing else but the forest god. And what still playfully lives from these eras of magic and spells are the spells we’re talking about during Midsummer. Mostly they were about running around naked and doing random things like sleeping with flowers under your pillow in order to see your future parten in your dream, or do things in order to get good luck at future marriage. But I don’t know if anyone does those anymore, we just playfully joke about them every year.

Talking of Midsummer, I think I need to mention here our tradition about: drowning. That’s right, in Finland there’s always a number of people drowning during Midsummer because alcohol and swimming don’t go together but people still go swimming while they’re drunk and then accidents happen... So, whenever the Midsummer approaches, everyone is wishing for good weather so they can go out and have fun and get drunk with others (except for me because I’m an introverted teetotaler who hates people and heat waves lol) but at the same time we’re wishing for a bad weather so as little people would drown as possible. The better the weather, the more people will drown. But still if the weather is bad, it makes everyone angry because they wished for better weather but at least more lives are saved, then... So you can basically never win, as long as people will go swimming while drunk and forget to look after their friends (because they’re also too drunk to notice someone disappeared).

***

14. do you enjoy your country’s cinema and/or TV?

Not really. There only a few comedy shows that I really like - Kummeli being the ultimate best and I pretty much grew up with that show. I don’t like Finnish drama series nor movies because I just can’t stand the acted Finnish. It sounds the same as normal spoken language too but I just can SEE from the people they are acting and it gets on my nerves so much. Plus Finland loves melancholy so we can’t even have police series without it being about human relations instead of investigating stuff and people are just constantly lying, angry at each other and crying 24/7. I don’t like that sort of negativity at all, it makes me just angry myself.

Plus Finland only has like 5 different actors that are in every goddamned show and movie, and then we also have just like 3 different people who are hosts in radios and tv shows and like... why??? Kinda tired of seeing the same faces everywhere all the time!

But I have to mention that a few good movies have come from Finland during the past couple of years: Tom of Finland is actually a great movie and it’s great for anyone interested in the LGBT+ history (especially the gay community’s) too as it tells about this Finnish artist whose drawings have inspired many today’s praised LGBT+ icons too. I don’t know if you can find it with foreign subtitles or so yet as it’s mainly spoken in Finnish. The same director also made a movie about Tolkien, this one is entirely in English (apart from a few pseudo-Finnish words here and there because Finnish inspired Tolkien a lot in real life too) but it was a good movie anyway.

***

15. a saying, joke, or hermetic meme that only people from your country will get?

Well, in Finland we have this phenomenon called “Suomi mainittu, torilla tavataan!” aka we get so excited everytime Finland is mentioned anywhere even a little so everyone gotta “meet” at a market place to celebrate it. It literally means “Finland mentioned, let’s meet at the market place!” No matter what is the original language of where the mention is, and it doesn’t matter if we don’t understand the language, if we can clearly tell it’s about Finland, we need to leave a comment in Finnish and go crazy about it because our lil country was noticed somewhere finally.

And here’s an extra one:

Source. Write “Finnish bus stop” on Google and you get tens of these photos. We really love our personal space.

***

16. which stereotype about your country you hate the most and which one you somewhat agree with?

I don’t know if we have any wrong stereotypes? I even tried googling this and I agreed with every single one of them? :D But I googled a little bit more and apparently people tend to see Finns as very rude because of our introverted and emotionless nature and I have to disagree with this one. Yes we’re introverted (but still extroverts exist too, I myself am an ambivert) and especially our monotonous language can make us seem very emotionless as well, but the “rudeness” comes from the fact we show our respect by not paying too much attention to others. We even run away from people we know if I we happen to see them in a supermarket and they didn’t see us yet, we’re ust shy! :D I’m also pretty sure that the dark, Finnish sense of humour (we’re the kings of dank memes btw) can also often go way over other people’s heads and what we meant as a deadpan dark humour can seem like something very offending to those who have gotten used to a very different and more light-hearted humour.

Finns can seem very pessimistic. I was once watching a video, because I’m learning German, about how different the people of Berlin are to other Germans and they have this very similar “attitude” to things as people from Nordic Countries too: instead of saying “oh that’s a great one” we tend to say “well it could be worse”, but we mean exactly the same with this.

Finns are also very humble and we just HATE bragging and we don’t like it at all if someone else is bragging about themselves, which is why especially Americans easily get our nerves. We even have a saying that goes “self praise stinks” because no one likes someone who loves themselves too loudly. That’s why we find it hard to take in compliments and instead of a “Oh thank you!” you get something like “Oh that was nothing, really, not a big deal at all...” but on the inside we’re very flattered, just too shy to show our true feelings.

I guess this answers to the both aspects of this question!

***

19. do you like your country’s flag and/or emblem? what about the national anthem?

The flag is a white one with a blue cross and yeah it’s nice. It looks calm and it’s just... simple. At least I don’t have trouble remembering which color is which unlike with all those flags with two or more stripes. I legit cannot remember in which order they go in which countries’ flags and whether a country as horizontal or vertical stripes. So at least that is nice, otherwise I probably wouldn’t be able to draw the Finnish flag either. I associate the colors with Finland because they’ve always been there so I couldn’t even imagine a different kind of flag at all.

The emblem then is a yellow lion on a red background, with some swords. And flowers because... why the heck not? No but I honestly have no clue why it’s a lion. There’s never been lions in Finland? Other than in zoos and our biggest wild cat species is lynx so... why a lion? (I clearly have to do some googling here.)

The national anthem is a bit boring one and I don’t know if I’ve ever even read the full lyrics. At least I never could memorize them... but I guess it sounds like... Finland.

***

22. what makes you proud about your country? what makes you ashamed?

I’m proud about lots of things. There’s many things Finland has done right and what other countries should really learn from, e.g. how to deal with homelessness. And how a democratic country actually works. And how cops should actually be like - there’s more racism from other agencies than from the police in Finland, and withing the past 20 years only 7 people have died from polices’ bullets and they were occassions where these people were going to harm other people or themselves. And every time a police uses their gun, that will be investigated thoroughly to see if anything was done wrong there and if it looks like there was no right to use the gun, there will be consequences.

There’s also lots of things that cannot really compared to the other European countries, like the laws about animals, for example. I eat organic meat that comes from Finland because it’s nothing like the meat industry in other places in Europe (I think all Nordic Countries are a lot like Finland with this). An ex-friend once tried to convince me of why also organic meat is bad and animals get treated badly but this person did not understand that you can’t send me photos from farms in another European country far from Finland because it is so far from how things are in Finland to begin with. Our animal right laws are a lot stricter than anywhere else in the Europe and I really trust the agriculture of Finland and there are no big secrets, most farmers also have voluntarily signed up to a website that shows their vet checkup results etc. publicly, which is great because it means they care about the animals too and not just about making money. (Of course Finland is not perfect and occassionally farms with terrible animal healthcare issues are found and there’s still lots of things where we could improve, but I’m saying that, at the moment, animals in Finland [and Nordic Countries] do have a lot better rights and lives than anywhere else in Europe or even in the World we have only a small portition of the problems that are present in other European countries’ intensive farming habits on a daily basis.)

And from here we get to what makes me ashamed: our justice system. It’s way too easy on people! I mean, our “lifetime” is not lifetime, every goddamned murderer will get to walk free after a decade or so, sometimes a lot earlier if they are behaving nice, and we have already had so many cases where someone has got out and then killed yet another person. But for some reason we just can’t keep murderers behind the bars because apparently Finland believes that sociopaths won’t kill ever again if they behave nice in the jail (which btw are more like hotels here). And what about rapists, child abusers and other assholes? Oh, no jailtime, fine is fine!!! Or maybe in parole but nah, why bother put them behind the bars :) And despite the great animal rights laws, the consequences in animal rights crimes are nonexistent. You might get fined and they can forbid you from ever owning an animal again, but absolutely no one is supervising this. There’s so many animal hoarder/abuser cases where animals have been taken away and they’ve been fined and told that they are not allowed to keep animals anymore, and it won’t take too long until they again have a house full of animals, or they are again charged for animal abuse. And nothing ever changes.

But I’m also really ashamed of those loud asshats who keep shouting their right-wing views. What especially gets on my nerves is that when ever a transgender person is mentioned, these people just can’t keep their mouths shut but they just have to be there in the comments saying how... okay I don’t even bother saying what they say, you all know what transphobics say so all that bullshit and it just annoys me so much because I KNOW they are doing that on purpose to be provocative but I so wish I had some huge mallet I could beat sensibility in their heads but I also know they will never change their minds because they’ve already decided to think like that and they want to just upset others with their opinions. I just hope everyone would walk away from them because if no one answers for them, I’m sure they would stop eventually because no one bothers to continue bullying if there’s no one around to bully anymore.

***

26. does your nationality get portrayed in Hollywood/American media? what do you think about the portrayal?

Very rarely. Usually it’s another “torilla tavataan” moment if Finland is mentioned in an American TV as it’s so rare, and usually then everyone will know about it even if they wouldn’t be interested in the media. Usually there’s been a Finnish person or a person with Finnish roots making that media whenever it gets mentioned (e.g. Iron Sky was made by a Finnish team). But usually it’s rather annoying because of course Russia is always mentioned everywhere and sometimes even Sweden! But Finland? Neverheard. Which probably is the reason because most Americans have never even heard of Finland and they have absolutely no clue where that is and if that is even a real place.

More often Finland is linked to Santa Claus but even then they get it wrong because Americans believe Santa comes from the North Pole and the North Pole is not in Finland (and Santa comes from Finland and not from the North Pole :D). And one common belief is also that there’s polar bears in Finland. No, there is none. Just regular Eurasian brown bears but no polar bears.

[madebycoffee]

I feel like you really want Gian to win. like you keep saying you dont but you are obviously proud and attached to him. same thing with Finn. you kept saying you wanted him to lose but you got so distraught when he ended up going home. why not root for Gian this time? (no offense) maybe he needs some good vibes from his OG Watcher

🤔 Inch resting as my guy would say.

To an extent you aren’t wrong but at the same time I genuinely don’t want him to win because I think that’ll make the bachelor challenge for him funky. I wouldn’t really want to give him one if he wins bb ya feel? 

With both Finn and Gian i made them with the intent that they’d be sent home like first or second. There always needs to be sims that get sent home early and I figured it would be a good thing to make them. And then @boomchicapopdatsims and @colourfullsims made my guys too charming for their own good and alas they stuck around. So some of me being conflicted is that my head says: they gotta go, but my heart says: but nooooo.

On the flipside some sims that I am not outright rooting against, Vivi (SNTM) I probably won’t be surprised when she doesn’t win. A rude contestant doesn’t normally win those competitions lol. And Francesca (Sulani Survivor) is probably the sim I’ve made that has the best odds of winning. I guess it’s also “if I assume they will lose it will be cool to see how far they get”

ANYWAY this is very long to say while I’m attached to Gian and love that set of pixels v much, my good vibes for him are going to his bachelor challenge after the fact and he shouldn’t win big brother. I honestly don’t think he will with Willie still in the game but that’s just me. But good lookin out for my guy.

[smuthuttpodcast]

Fetch is iconic because to read Fetch is to suffer. I say that with the warmest regards to Tam. It's an example of the medium as both a challenging, cathartic, and escapist one.

Name/Handle/Alias

@secretreylo SecretReyloTrash

About how long would you say you’ve been rooting for Reylo?

When it comes to smut I tend to go two directions: "Shipping" it or a hypothetical "They'd Be Hot Together". I've been on that TBHT train since TFA, but not contributing and only casual browsing of smut because that's what TBHT is for. Spring of 2018 was when the mediation of how to realistically get these two together, the meta aspect of shipping, really started to appeal to me because of stories I was reading ("Lilies" by diasterisms was my first Soft Ben and I loved him) and I gave writing it a try with Perfumed in Obsession, a story that is 100% mediation of opposing viewpoints. I fell very far, very fast into it.

What did you think of the way Rise of Skywalker handled Rey and Kylo’s relationship?

Really gross. TLJ was a very sensitive text. It's not about physical force; it's about persuasion. Understandable viewpoints, where they both offer so much of themselves and it still doesn't work, and that's really heartbreaking and compelling. TROS felt like it had taken several steps back. Kylo was more of a bullying, negging presence when before he'd respected Rey's power and autonomy before, he just had hopes about what she'd do with it. now he's controlling. He withheld crucial information about her trauma, which is deeply wrong. He was a generic villain and Rey was physically fighting her way out. Their ending wasn't given space to breathe or feel like something was happening, and then he drops dead in her arms. A lot of simpering was done on the filmmakers part about what he deserved by Rey doesn't get anything she deserved. Their only interactions before the Exegol Disaster are only focused on drudging up pain and hostility, so there's no moment where they "see" each other that matches TLJ. The final battle there is some grasping at recognition, but it's really imbalanced towards Ben's redemption, Rey being rewarded for essentially waiting out his bad boy phase, and nothing to address her anger and grief and darkness. It tipped the scales way out of Rey's favor, and she's an important character!

Do you think the film understood why you, and other people, felt like Rey and Kylo had something together? Did it get their chemistry?

No, it really felt like the conversations between them were missing the point. Negging, withholding, leveraging. These were two flawed but honest people (at least with each other) who had a lot of circumstantial baggage that kept them apart. Ironically a lot of the "hero" and "villain" posturing gets stripped away and they are shown as their truest selves through the bond. Finn never sees this side of Rey. Snoke never saw this side of Ben. It's a relationship that mattered because it was so nuanced that way. TROS Rey being stalked by Kylo in his Supreme Leader Helmet seems antithetic to the sincerity of the relationship. It's telling that one of Rey's lines is a generic, cliche whisper of "No": it falls horribly flat because a conversation can't just be "Yes." "No." "Yes." "No." I constantly bring up TLJ in my answers because it's what solidified my love for this ship, but their conversations that Rain wrote were a compelling back-and-forth that filled in their arguments with detail that made the arguments appealing. What about the handling of Kylo’s redemption? Was it something you had to think through in your stories?Here's the thing. I wanted Bendemption to be painstaking, bittersweet and maybe not even completed in full by the ending (but explicitly in the works). Here's where the mythology of TROS gets really wonky, and why I think fans are so upset: If Ben was mentally infiltrated and groomed by the most powerful Sith Lord in the Galaxy for 9 movies, can we actually have a nuanced conversation about what he deserves? No. We all just want to wrap a shock blanket around him and let him have a nap, which, fun fact, is the actual ending of the Exegol Metlife Stadium Battle. My point here is that TROS took his accountability, his toxicity, and his choices and rendered them meaningless. It is way too extreme. What does he have to atone for if Palpatine ruined the lives of every Skywalker so thoroughly that he never stood a chance? I adore the self-sabotage of his character. I adore that he is his own antagonist. I adore that he faces consequences for his toxicity and that his love for someone leaves the ball in his court to Fix His Shit for the potential of his own goodness. But you take a situation and make it so tragic where he was so weaponized and powerless that I'm actually impressed he only killed Han. I liked when his actions actually had weight. I adore him for how his emotions compromise his happiness and how damaging it is that he doesn't deal with them because I see so many parts of myself. Step one or writing Redemption was always facing those emotions. I love writing Ben throwing himself at his father's, his mother's, and Rey's feet and just letting these repressed emotions out, and their capacity for forgiveness sheltering this change. It didn't need to be completed by TROS but it needed to be started. 

What did you think of where Rey landed at the end? There had been a lot of excitement around Star Wars having a female protagonist. Do you think she lived up to the promise of her character?

Rey's ending devastated me. It was a period of active mourning that went way beyond Ben's death for me. You know when you pick one phrase when you cry and just fixate on it? "She's alone" was mine. For days. That was all I asked for from this series. For Rey to find her home. Rey was stripped of so much, and most insulting was the fucking Skywalkers playing keep away with her own backstory until it was convenient for them made it seem like they were the actual villains. Why did she have to go in ignorant? Why did we retcon a girl coming from a shitty family and excelling despite that? Symbolically, now she as a character is most alike to Shmi, and that makes bile rise in my mouth. A single woman on Tatooine, dressed in her Virgin Whites, waiting for the Force to decide what to do with her? Smhi. It's Shmi. Here to immaculate concept some more important sacred Skywalkers. Because if she's a Skywalker, there's gotta be more, or what was the point? Thanks, I hate it.

There’s criticism of the movie that argues it’s akin to “fan fiction” and that is has too much fan service. As fans and fan-fiction writers, how do you react to that?

No; it's too corporate. Fanfiction has a love for the source that constitutes the FREE effort to write for it. I think the comparison to fan fiction labors under the assumption that fan fiction is lazy and bad: when the most popular stories that do incorporate high levels of drama earn them through painstakingly hard work. Fetch is iconic because to read Fetch is to suffer. I say that with the warmest regards to Tam. It's an example of the medium as both a challenging, cathartic, and escapist one. It had very real feelings and a happy ending that was earned in a trial by fire. TROS instead was pure studio interference. It was trying to please *everyone* instead of someone earnestly saying "this is what I love." There is no joy. Just cynicism and punishing people who were sincere. I can't validate its need for me to love it. It's desperate and sad. 

Are you still writing any Star Wars fanfic? Tell us about it! (Don't forget your Ao3 handle!)

Yep. I will be updating my newest story "The Witch and The Holocron" every Saturday. It is the closest I will get to a Miyazaki Movie. I'm still on my WIPs: Soldiers in Petticoats is due soon, Virtue Rewarded requires an extensive amount of time but it's in progress, I really want to pre-write my Romanov Imposter AU before posting but I'm excited for it. I'll be around. We all know how bad I am with WIPs but I'm still enjoying writing. We'll just pretend TROS never happened. 

Thank you Secretreylotrash! you can find their writing here: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadOldWest/pseuds/SecretReyloTrash

[rynliadon]

notes I took during my second viewing of tros (on my phone in the theater because I'm that asshole)

Warning: many a spoiler for the rise of skywalker ahead. if you haven't seen it this post will ruin the whole movie

kylo ren is a nasty ass emo boy with gross hair but adam driver's voice? god tier

what are they doing with Palpatine in this why wouldn't they just leave him dead

goddammit my dad figured out the big twist in the first five minutes

JJ ABRAMS IS A LIL BITCH FINNPOE WAS RIGHT THERE BUT HE GAVE POE SOME FUCKIN RANDOM ASS HETERO LOVE INTEREST OUT OF NOWHERE

cannot emphasize enough that kylo ren is gross

"I'm just... not feeling myself." -rey skywalker, 2020

okay is it nighttime or daytime make up your fucking mind

hold up the sith have their own goddamn LANGUAGE

wait who tf is rose. didn't she die last movie

my assholery is really showing as I spoil the movie for my family

leia: "never be afraid of who you are." rey: does the exact goddamn opposite

okay darth vader wannabe

the festival scene was actually really cool

rey you're too good for ben, he's a freaking douchebag. don't take his hand blergh

a thought: polyamorous rey x finn x poe

way to make an entrance lando

what is disney's thing with bloodlines?? WHO YOUR PARENTS ARE DOESN'T FREAKING MATTER 90% OF THE TIME. WHO YOU'RE RELATED TO DOESN'T MAKE UP YOUR PERSONALITY TF

they fly now? seriously?

yep. star wars would definitely kill all the important people a third of the way into the movie /s

I know they did their best because Carrie Fisher died, but all of her scenes fall flat. she barely talks and when she does it's ridiculously vague.

are the sith a nation? do they have their own planet? lore? are they ALL bad?

yes I just healed the snake thing with my magic, what about it

now we know what the baby yoda healy thing is ig

is Finn force sensitive? could he become another jedi?

just the IDEA of facing ren is giving rey a panic attack but sure reylos they're meant to be

how the fuck is kylo even ALIVE what the FUCK

they both be vibrating doe

POLYAMOROUS REY X FINN X POE THOUGH

[leaves to refill popcorn]

what is a spice runner? why is that significant?

zory's alright but I just HATE that they gave pie a hetero love interest

they gotta stop killing characters just to bring them back

jj abrams is still a lil bitch

how did they remember what 3PO said? I IMMEDIATELY forgot

ngl poe damaron is kinda hot. my inner bi is showing

oh what your girlfriend never tried to kill you before?

oh what your boyfriend never tried to control you by making him your only option?

oh what your girlfriend never stabbed you in the gut?

oh what your boyfriend never pinned you down and almost murdered you?

I miss han solo

okay tbh, Ben had potential for a redemption arc. there just wasn't enough of it there, and too much violence against his supposed love interest and everyone else.

the sith robe people don't seem real. neither does palpatine tbh. they just feel like ghosts.

why can't we explore the jedi and the sith as valid, opposite parts of the force. just like mistborn and avatar the last airbender. they're both necessary for balance.

yessss finnpoe the cogeneral boyfriends

tbh the lesbian kiss at the end pissed me off. I'm glad they know at this point that representation is important and including the gays gets them a wider audience of people who don't hate them but it pisses me off that they'll do the bare fucking minimum and praise themselves for it. a 2 second lesbian kiss, one unnamed gay man, both cut out for international audiences.

the sith audience served zero freaking purpose. they were just. there.

oh so the sith formed a choir huh. between the murdering and the evil they practice ominous harmonies

ow I ate too much popcorn

that lightning shot looks really cool

can't really see it but it's super badass

I'd be mad if they did kill someone I care about but I'm also mad they didn't. where are the stakes

They're blurry but I got a pic of the lesbians

I hate that reylo kissed but GOD the look he gave her when they pulled away.... watch me start to cry. adam driver you're incredible

I'll take this as confirmation that my rey x finn x poe ship is sailing

oh shit is it illegal to take pictures? woops

what happened to tatooine though? it's completely empty

"rey who?" *TEN HOURS LATER* "rey skywalker."

why the fuck does rey have a gold lightsaber? when did she even have time to make it?

jj abrams is still a lil bitch

You're welcome that was my commentary

Review

I liked the glimpse into Poe's past, but if I were in charge I would have made Zory an ex-boyfriend, and instead of Poe asking "can I kiss you?" it's Zory, and Poe says something angsty about being in love with Finn. I enjoyed the continuation of Finn pining after Rey, but I wish that he'd realized there was no hope and started to move on a bit. (with poe obviously.)

This is a bit of a we'll-never-be-happy-with-anything commentary, but I wish that an important character died without warning. they kept killing but bringing back characters (chewie and 3PO) and magically getting characters out of ridiculously dangerous situations (skimmer on water, climbing around the death star, about to fall off the star destroyer). I'd be mad if a character died, but I'm mad none of them did, if that makes sense.

I think that the Rey and Ben force diad thing whatever and their entire relationship had tons of potential, but they executed it terribly. They made kylo ren an unlikable character when he killed han solo for one, and the fact that they kept trying to kill each other made it impossible for me to root for them as a ship. However, I loved the ending they had, standing together against Palpatine. (side note- making Rey a Palpatine was GENIUS. big fan.) also adam driver and daisy ridley are incredible actors.

Main takeaway-- it could have been better, but I'm really happy with it. Overall I enjoyed watching it, which is the #1 priority for any movie, the twists and character arcs landed well to me, it had a satisfying ending to the trilogy. I'd watch it a third time. jj abrams is still a coward bitch but I can look past it.