#but anyway. I’m all good. just. 👍
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#tw caps#tw vent#(all /lh I’m just in a pissy melodramatic mood don’t mind me)#AARRRSTMMMFLSLFKWHRDJ#*yelling screaming into the abyss*#life has been giving me one thing after another huh#first writers block for months- haven’t been able to finish my fics#Christmas burnout was like ‘heyyyyy bitchhhh’#tumble keeps eating my posts and my engagements on posts and rbs and activity has dipped#family health issues causing us to be constantly at this bloody farmhouse with no wifi and just grumpy#had a death(from said health issues) in the family a few days ago so can’t go home yet#also emotionally stressed#AND NOW IM ILL#WHY#FOR GOODNESS SAKE I JUST WANT TO DRAW MY LIL GAYS BEING HAPPY#AAAAGHHHHHH#*screaming continues*#but anyway. I’m all good. just. 👍#GOOD NEWS: I have a new piece for a new au for you guys and I’m pretty happy with it-#THAT IS IF TUMBLR DOESNT EAT IT#(friendly reminder that I see your reblogs and they make my day so those who actually still rb my art that I put my entire soul into ily <3#standing in my room like 🧍🏻♀️ while typing this#god my brain feels like it’s been put through a blender
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another comfort media. crash bandicoot cutscenes
#relic answers#I know I know I keep mentioning that damn game#but it is my Faborite Game Series of All Time so like#what do you expect#also can you tell I’m not doing well rn. going through my comfort media ajdnkcmckfmekskjxjxjenwjsjde#anyway. the animation on crash 4 is incredible I wish it was on a better game with a better story#WOAH HOT TAKE ALERT ‼️ 🚨 ‼️ 🚨#crash 4 was genuinely amazing as a revival of the series#as a game itself? perhaps it is my nostalgic bias speaking but it could have been better in some places#I am saltiest about coco. why does she look act and sound like a DreamWorks character (derogatory)#I miss when she was voiced by Debby Derriberry 😔#I know she was in like the n sane trilogy + ctrnf but that was still with her dreamworks personality#I need. her crash nitro kart personality#where she was cutie and sweetie :> and also beat ass when needed :> but also cutie and sweetie :>#it was a good contrast against crash’s wild personality#meanwhile in crash 4 coco was like. confident and snarky#which like. good for her ig#I just personally prefer when she was the cute smart girl which contrasted the fact that she could beat ass#this coco you’d *expect* her to beat ass#which I guess is fine#I just prefer the older one#myself#personally#lol#uh if you read this far thanks i love the crash games and I could discuss them an unhealthy amount 👍
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#gonna be honest I fully intend to drink again today#despite knowing full well that the last lapse was not good for me#and. like. I did not have a good time on tuesday at all#but I’m feeling really anxious and also self destructive#just want to stop feeling overwhelmed for a bit ig#the overwhelm never ends#on account of the ‘overwhelmed 24/7’ disorder#anyway. not going to drunkblog if it does happen because. yeah done with that#but 👍👍
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i wanna live on my own again …. i’m so ready to put my books on a shelf and my clothes in a closet
#absolutely adore my parents but i’m just excited to Have My Own Place again. where i can unpack all my shit & decorate & stay for a year#and be back downtown tbh. the suburbs are very quiet & it’s peaceful but i feel so lonely out here#i’m gonna have to wait til october for prices to drop a bit but i’m determined to make it work#i got a dope job as a neurofeedback technician but it’s only 9-15h/week ($22cad/h) soooo that ain’t gonna cut it#little nervous cuz frankly i dunno if i can handle working more than ~30h/week rn & also. holy fuck it’s hard finding decent part-time jobs#although! last night my old manager asked if i’d consider coming back to the restaurant to host/do cash on a casual basis/for the holidays#which means i’m probably going to end up balancing 3 jobs again. which is kinda fucked up lol but it’s good money so i can’t turn it down#anyways i’m getting ahead of myself#i do feel like i’m genuinely looking forward to things for the first time in a while though#like grad school next year & tattoos this fall & hopefully making friends w new coworkers n shit. even if it’s unbelievably stressful 👍#pegasus speaks#hi btw i am alive. i just haven’t really been very interested in tumblr at all lately. which is kinda weird but probably for the best
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i have a feeling my mom (who has acted extremely upset + sympathetic about me sweating profusely in my shitty 80+ degree room) is going to tell me that they can’t help me replace my 20+ year old ac unit for $250, even tho they are about to pay Thousands of dollars to replace their central ac bc clearly her needs are more important than mine (when one of my worst and most impactful symptoms is heat intolerance, which makes me dehydrated and even more dizzy and fatigued and i’ve been getting dehydration headaches even tho i’m drinking almost a gallon a day)
#like idk if it’s just the ptsd and i’m psyching myself out for nothing but i don’t feel good abt it#to the point of being extremely anxious abt asking her abt it and not knowing how to approach the convo not angrily#it’s just extremely frustrating bc i 100% Know my stepdad has the money to help me. if he says no it’s literally just bc he doesn’t like me#and cares more abt having retirement money than me not being even more ill and suicidal than i already am#Anyway i’ve been feeling like i’m being hunted for sport all day#and regardless i’m ordering it tomorrow bc i Cannot keep living like this and it’s a basic need#it would just be like half of the money i’ve worked to save up down the drain#and even longer until i can move out which i Desperately need to do at this point#idk man it’s just like. if they don’t offer to even help w Half of the cost i will have lost All trust in Her especially#bc 99% of the time she doesn’t give a single shit what that man thinks. she spends his money Constantly#literally in the past month she spent like $300 on a Bush Trimmer and a Chainsaw#she pays $200 monthly for an art studio that she barely uses#but ah yes my immediate safety and health is too much to ask for. totally understandable#just Extremely maddening when she constantly tells me that she’ll do Anything to help me and was like Why didn’t you tell me sooner????#abt my ac not working#like my brother in christ letting me bring a tower fan up to my room is not going to fix the situation 👍#ventnote
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Gonna talk about my writing project but in typical ‘dahl talks about their wip’ fashion it’ll be extremely vague and won’t make any sense lol I just really need to say this, especially now that I'm so close to the end and it’s been something I’ve been feeling for a while too
so the further I get into the project, the more I feel like I've ventured so far from the original inspiration of this story and it makes me a little bit sad.
I wrote the original version in 2021 and looking back at it, it’s a completely different story than what I’m writing now. it was silly and lighthearted which… is not at all what its current state is like. I’m not entirely upset about it, because this new version has so much more substance and I'm extremely proud of it. I feel like I'm finally saying something and the message overall is really meaningful to me.
last night, I realized how I should title the story. Usually that’s a great feeling. Titling is one of the hardest things after all. But honestly it just left me even more conflicted. For the longest time I thought I knew what the title would be: something very similar to the original title (cryptlandia, the reason why i often refer to it as ‘cryptids wip’, which is extremely ironic bc the story doesn’t even focus on cryptids much anymore). That plan won’t work anymore though, because it no longer fits the tone of the story. Another reminder of the story’s evolution. I’m debating something different now, something more sincere, which has me feeling like I’ve completely lost the heart of the story.
Idk on one hand I’m really happy and proud of how this story’s evolved, but ngl it also hurts to see it shift so far from what i originally wrote.
#Don’t mind me i’m just… mourning my killed darlings#The original version of cryptlandia was so fun.#It was set in a fictional world. I created original cryptids#It was going to be a graphic novel!!#I know that version wasn’t good it just sucks looking back and wondering what could’ve been#like i didn’t abandon every idea from the original story#I took parts i liked and parts i knew would work#But there’s still sections that just no longer fit the story anymore#At the end of the day the story i’m telling now is far superior and much more important than what i had previously and i don’t regret it#I /like/ my story. I like how it’s grounded in reality more than the last#It’s just a little sad that’s all. But its a natural part of the writing process I just have to accept it.#anyway that’s all 👍#blahblahbills
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Today on jjk furries: world’s most normal family, gay people of course, projecting my blue eyes issues onto mr pretty blue eyes, and also Sukuna is here
#zoracontent#zora arts#jjk furries#sukunas design remains fluid until I give him a ref. as any good tiger design does#anyway do you like that sky pic I took it like a year ago#gojo gets headaches from light if he doesn’t have his sunglasses/blindfold trust me I have blue eyes and issues. that have been worse lately#that first Sukuna + yuji is based on some random ass image I saw on tiktok but I don’t feel like going back to find it for the post 👍 it was#a wolf and a tiger and my first thought was omg dog and tiger… them. and thus this is your introduction to his design#sukunas still in yujis body n all it’s just funnier to draw them separate sometimes. and these happened to be those times#anyway I’m scheduling this from 2am in the hopes my like three jjk followers actually see it lmao#I say followers as if I’m not mutuals with all three of you. hi guys
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Joshua Rosfield || Final Fantasy XVI (16)
#he’s so sweet#i haven’t finished the game#and like i don’t know what will happen to him#but i refuse to the main quest#i’m just dragging him along with me#and doing all side quests with him#and taking little shots of him#because actually#i only went to like dhalmekia#and then had to leave#sorry joshua#anyways actual tags#also maybe this isn’t the best virtual photography but also#well…#i’m not that good 👍#so#joshua rosfield#final fantasy 16#final fantasy xvi#ff16#spoilers#final fantasy 16 spoilers
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So bonkers how my general ability to do tasks has changed since new playlist and tv show. No longer pulled into spending one million hours stuck on The Apps either, I’m doing things. The power of feeling happy and excited…….
silly. but I’ll take it!!!!!!!!!!
#I’ve also actually been switching my brain off to rest too or it feels like it. maybe the key is enjoying breaks so I can task switch more#easily. IDK! I think part of it is that life just feels easier when you feel happy instead of somewhat desperate and like the world is out#of reach 😅#anyway I’m doing good 👍 if I can work out how to feel like this often then that would be so nice.#flip side is kind of bleak post that I have Not been doing well and things are not good for. a while. but I’ve been staying afloat!!!! and#u know I’m constantly putting effort in!!!!!!!#if that effort had guaranteed benefits then wow. we would be in a different stratosphere hahahaha#like I know what the problem is! being ill all da time and not being able to leave the house or socialise or do stuff that’s fun and#interesting and novel and fulfilling is so bad for you. alas. the disabilities.#another drs appt next week though!!!! hoping the new tests and referral to new specialists gets approved no problem! 🤞#u know I am doing everything in my power to make a positive chance that’s also physically possible for me! even if I’m coming at it with#very little expertise or ideas of what’s out there! there’s gotta be more options! there’s gotta be someone who can help or#at least explain more!#even if they get to the bottom of things better and say it’s never gonna get better. maybe I can be eligible for more support then!#it’s gonna be okay!!!!!!!
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weekend is here. time for 24/7 intense panic-inducing intrusive thoughts
#with no distractions bc all i do is isolate myself so people don’t see me in my most repulsive state of being 😋👍#truly feel undeserving of anything good really#i genuinely believe bad things happen to me regularly for a reason#and i might not be aware of it but i’m doing something to deserve or warrant it#and it’s only a matter of time until i’m all alone with no other option but to k*** m***** 😋 lolz#anyway i ate for the first time today (depressed) and now i feel sick and it’s triggering my emetophobia so you know#all around winner of a night#can’t wait to endure a thousand more just like it!!!!! i have nothing to look forward to in the near future and everything is bleak 😍#i feel like i’m going to have a fucking psychotic episode bro lol like my mind is going a mile a minute every waking moment#but that’s life (heart) i love it here btw
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i even piggybacked off my bravery for confronting the medical system to go to the weed store :)
#i’m so brave :)#chatpost#what’s next… gonna schedule a dentist appointment???? gonna go to the eye doctor??? high on my supply (medical help)#next time i have to talk to them about all the other things wrong with me 👍 good thing i’m going back in two weeks#it was sooo nice to be like ‘yeah idk it can be hard to breathe in cold dry air & i get wheezy when i laugh :/‘#and for the doctor to immediately be like ‘yeah dude you’re asthmatic!!!’#was expecting to have to fight more……. esp because i’m fat!! people usually just think i’m really out of shape!!#but like man… breathing hard sometimes. :( and my brothers asthmatic anyway & hes thin
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HEY HOMIES !!!
Here’s the big baddie 😮💨 my final for Digital Illustration I ! I was so excited to do this assignment when I first heard about it in Week 1, I had kinda planned from the start for it to be an Aiah and Polor piece since I can’t get their dynamic outta my head. Came back to an old rendering style I haven’t touched in ages and really tried to push the color palette this time around (I learned about gradient maps ! They’re super cool !!) In the end, I think there’s a lot about it I wouldn’t change at all. This is honestly one of my best pieces if I’d have to judge, haha.
I’m super pleased with the finished version even though it drained every ounce of my life force <3 I now vanish to pursue more back-breaking projects
#enthusiasm at its best#original character#aiah#buttoncraft#polor#character design#digital illustration#minecraft oc#ain’t got nothin else to say about this it killed me is all#it’s so so sexy tho i’ll be sweet and loving to my art#everyone in class kept going on and on about how polor’s got the anime villain vibe going on and i went Yeah Where Do U Think I Got It From#tbh i did it without an exact ref but someone else in the class did a tokyo ghoul card and it reminds me a lot of kaneki’s hand thing#i’m rly obsessed with this palette tho it’s so … it’s so hot listen#im so crazy over their hair colors and how well it worked out im gonnaTRHWO UP#but no fr this piece rly made me want to quit school LMAOOO which i guess isn’t good but#i was working on it literally days on end and wasn’t finished even when i had to turn it in like 2 minutes before the deadline#i just refined it a bit on my own time bc i actually love it that much#hehe hoohoo so anyways more hw posts soon but hopefully they’ll be inchresting ! i’ve got my background to post of aiah’s hometown#concept art I is already killing me 👍 but we’re good#we know it’s life drawing IV it can die
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Okay, after having finished watching A Journey to Love (I’d put off the last 5 eps) I think I can definitively state that this cdrama has an effect equivalent to that of a truly perfect cheeseburger when you’re hungry. Are there better things? Yes, sure. But frankly, this is really really good and all I really need.
#ajtl#a journey to love#yngs#cdrama#watching the last five eps basically just CRY FOR TEN MINUTES!! CRY FOR 10MIN!! ok plot. NOW CRY!!!!!#but like. I’m not left wanting to throw something like in trop. all the holes are sewn up!! catharsis and closure.#and I think I liked that chu yue got the last scene and not yy and ltg bc they have their own lives they build anew.#I knew exactly why characters made certain choices!!#and frankly I didn’t mind rushing the political plot bc I DID NOT CARE abt the scheming royals.#anyways that’s my two cents! good drama 👍
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Been thinking about you hon, missed seeing you around. Glad to have you pop up in my feed again ❤️
#thank you so much for the kind message#idk how much I’ll be on right now tbh#I’m struggling a lot#I know I say that all the time#but it’s been bad like really really fucking bad lately#today has been especially bad because of my period and my emotions and hormones or whatever being all whack#might just be my period talking and how whack my brain is right now#but I’ve been seriously thinking about admitting (committing? idk the right word) myself to some sort of hospital#I don’t know where to go or look at…. I just want to go into some hospital and be like ‘hi I’m extremely mentally ill and I need help asap’#but I don’t think it works like that#I would talk to my parents about it but I already know what they’re going to say#99.99999% sure they’re going to say something like ‘well have you been praying?’#trust me i WISH praying would magically heal me but it doesn’t#anyway I was hanging out with a friend today and we watched a show and I barely even remember what it was about#the entire time I was thinking about how to get myself into inpatient or some sort of help#also freaking out that I’m almost 26 and then I’ll be off my parents insurance and feel like it’ll be 10x harder to do anything like that#I just don’t want to live like this anymore#everyone else is growing up and doing things with their lives and I’m just the same old depressed girl with nothing to show for my life#I’ve been surviving which is good don’t get me wrong#but when I die I don’t want to be like ‘wow what a good life I really survived well’ 👍#anyway thinking about texting my sister and asking her to help me but I don’t want to be a burden or anything#lol forgot I’m probably going to get criticized for bitching in the tags so I should shut up#anyway I’m very very very unhappy#and I’m going to go eat some cereal now ✌️#ask#anon
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was going to say this yesterday but lord forgive me all of a sudden i think max and warren are cute ://
#opinions that would have had me executed in the towns square in 2016#lichrally never thought that abt them before though 🤔#anyways.txt#delete later#the whole Thing around warren is an…… interesting look at fandom if i’m being honest#and i think a good example of a fandom misreading a game#like the ambiguity of relationships in lis is its selling point but the fandom jumps to black and white conclusions#which just isn’t how lis should be consumed and shared#it’s cool bc it allows you to shape your own reality and version of events and relationships !!#there rlly are few right or wrong interpretations when it comes to dynamics bc not only are the characters given room for complexity#but they’re approached via the show-don’t-tell method of writing#so everyone comes away from the game with varying ideas and none of them are ‘wrong’!!#but fandom just like. doesn’t understand that nuance at all.#so u get the ‘warren is a stalker’ crowd and the ‘rachel is a cheater’ crowd and the ‘the game means x’ crowd#(which btw meaning can be derived from both endings which like. no one seems to grasp at all. one is accepting that you can’t change realit#/run from it and have to face grief and the other is a means of defying fate and the universe telling you your beloved must die#those are both good and satisfying endings depending on how u want 2 play !!)#and those crowds get tunnel vision and demand that their version is the one true version etc etc#anyway i’m rambling i don’t know where i was going w this#but yeah. warren and max r nice 👍 and i think some ppl are delusional abt him it’s okay to just not like him
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EMAILED MY LANDLORD and I was so brave about it!!!!!
#ishdjsjdisjdjshdisjds dosjdiwbdishdishsjs#anyway if you’re following my common hallway light drama: it was not on when I came home but it’s on now 😭#GUYSSS fr if this is common charge or something I’m going to scream#I should be paying for a fucking light in a hallway that I don’t…..actively live in!??! you know?????#I should not***#and like for fucks sake the hallway light switch to their unit they can just flip it on and off as they go 😭 there’s another switch at the#bottom of the stairs that control it#anyway I combed my lease and couldn’t figure it out#I talked to my realtor and she said it’s most likely not connect to my electric account but it’s still good to ask 👍#sorry for all the typos I’m a mess
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