#but anyway it was extremely scary and I'm basically still crying

[natjennie]

:(

[audioroleplayconfessions]

So, just to get things started right off the gate, I have always had such a hard time focusing on my drawing or working, basically anything that had me need to focus. Then, one day, I somehow stumbled upon escapedaudios, then GBA , and finally, Scytheaudios. I can say with 100% certainty they and meny others now, but they are the main components to me being able to focus so much better and make something that I love so much. Hearing the story's be told is something I love so much. My dyslexia makes it really hard, read, and write. They're for making it extremely difficult for me to focus with them playing the be background not only am I have a fantastic time with the story I found it much easier to concentrate enough to read when i need to and work when I'm on the job! Thank you so much for them! They are 100% the reason I keep drawing (a huge passion of mine), and I get so happy when they see it, let alone reblog it! I can't thank them enough for always pulling me out of a dark and scary place and always making my days so much better. I love them all so much they make me laugh and cry, lol. I'm still fair to shy to just say this to them, tho so I'm doing anonymously, lol. Anyways, keep up the good work, guys, and know that you changed not only my life but meany others love you guys so much! 💕💕

.

[whumpshaped]

For Beck, what was it like for him when he first started noticing that he was... enjoying the entire vampire bite thing? When did Helle first enthrall him, since he didn't on purpose the first time?

:) thank u anon ur first question hit a point i was eager to write abt. the second is very exciting too, but it came juuuust a bit later at a different time... i will write it though !

masterlist

tw vampire whumper, possessive whumper, gaslighting, mind control, basically noncon drugging, manhandling, noncon biting, and EXTREMELY suggestive stuff, i would go as far as to say it's noncon vampire kinky stuff

"No, wait, wait!" Beck hit the soft bed with a yelp, and he immediately tried to get up to scurry away. Helle was on him in an instant, straddling his waist and pinning his wrists above his head.

"Oh, I waited once. I am not in the mood today." They didn't sound angry, not yet anyway. They just sounded... less playful, which began to become the new angry in Beck's mind. He knew there would be hell to pay if he actually made them angry, but their fleeting moods of practicality were scary enough for now.

"No, Helle, please, not today, please not today! Any day but today, please!"

That seemed to pique their interest. He was still weakly trying to get out from under them, tears stinging his eyes and quickly trickling down the sides of his face as he moved around. "Why?" was all they asked, and Beck slowly stopped struggling.

Why?

Why, of course they wanted to know why, and now he had to explain or get bitten.

"I– can I explain tomorrow?" he sniffled, not even trying to sound as pathetic as he ended up being. "Please, just, just give me 24 hours, I will be ready by the door and you can tear my neck open and whatever else you want! Not today, please–"

"No, I need an explanation today," they cut in. Beck swallowed when they leaned down, gently dragging their fingers along his throat. "If I am to miss out on such fine blood for a whole night, I absolutely must know why. Only a fool would give it up without good reason."

"It's o-only a good reason to– to me... b-but it's so important to me, I– please, I will tell you everything later, tomorrow! Anything!"

"You are not on top of your bargaining game today, human, and I am losing interest very quickly."

Beck knew they were being genuine, he could see it in their eyes. So he bit the bullet and just said it, a blush creeping onto his face and probably making him all the more enticing as he did so. "I have a date."

Helle's hand stilled on his neck. The entire vampire stilled, in that unnatural way only someone undead could, and for a moment Beck thought they were about to laugh. He might've preferred it to the cold 'oh' he eventually received in response.

"I just– I don't want to be dizzy and bleeding, and, and I don't want her to think I'm– I'm..."

"What? A thrall? A bloodbag? The unluckiest man alive for having wandered into that alley? Do you actually think I care for your little mortal love affairs?"

Oh, they were angry now, and Beck backtracked as fast as he could, openly crying now. God, he was so terrified of them. "No, n-no, I'm sorry, it was stupid– please, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to waste your time..." He could just cancel. He could cancel and reschedule.

To when, if they're feeding every single night? an insistent voice whispered, and he brushed it off as quickly as it came.

"Please don't be angry," he whimpered, tilting his head to expose a row of healed and half-healed bite marks. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please don't hurt me."

"The living are so tiresome," they sighed, grabbing him by the jaw and forcing his head further to the left to the point it hurt. He didn't complain. "But, lucky you, I am forgiving."

It did not feel like that as they bit down, and he whined again, glad to have the sound muffled by his blanket. Maybe it was never going to get less terrifying to be fed on in his own home. To see his own bed, feel it under his back, and have the vampire on top of him. These were two things that never should've collided.

But here he was, trying to tune it out as Helle clearly made it hurt more than necessary. He knew enough by now that he could tell when they did that, and today was definitely–

"A-ah," he gasped, the half-whimper half-moan escaping him involuntarily.

-

They weren't jealous, they told themself as they accidentally pushed some venom into their human's neck. It wasn't enough to be noticeable, but it was enough to have an effect; Beck would simply have to discern whether his body betrayed him on his own or with a bit of help.

They pulled away, pretending to be annoyed. "Oh, in the dating mindset already?" they hissed, way more vicious than they intended. "You will end up making me feel bad after all, for stealing such precious sounds from your girlfriend."

"I– I don't– she's not– I don't know what–"

"Keep quiet. I will have my meal in peace." They bit down again, purposely sucking a prominent hickey onto his neck. None of his cute little shirts were going to cover this one, they made sure of that.

They weren't jealous. They were... territorial, as all vampires. They told themself that over and over as they slowly released more and more venom and heard the human moan again before choking out a helpless little sob, clearly very afraid of the consequences.

"You– you're using–" they moved their hand to cover his mouth, deciding to finish feeding first and lie later.

-

It had to be. It had to be the venom. He couldn't feel it being injected into his neck, but he felt good, and it had to be the venom, because he never felt good when being bitten, it hurt, and he didn't like pain, he didn't. And Helle was especially rough tonight– so why else would his mind be so hazy? Why else would it be so hard to stifle moans even under the threat of more pain?

He was just caught off guard by venom, that was it. Helle had never used it before. Why now? They weren't jealous, were they? No, he trashed that thought before it could take root in his mind, focusing instead on keeping his composure.

He was burning up by the time the vampire finished, and he couldn't bear to meet their eyes even after they pulled back and let go of his jaw. "I'm sorry," he said immediately, voice thick with something he didn't want to think about. "I'm sorry, you shouldn't have had to cover my mouth, I was just– I didn't expect it, I'm sorry–"

"You know I am not using any venom this time around," they said simply, and Beck's heart sank. No, that couldn't be right. "But I will be mindful of just how painful I make it on your next date night, now that I know it makes you act out."

"N-no, that's not– I don't like the bites, I'm not into–"

"Sorting that out isn't any of my concern, you can do that alone in your free time. Or with her. But I have a particular distaste for people throwing around accusations like that, so do not try to tell me what I did or didn't do again." They waited a moment, and Beck tried to process everything he'd just heard. It wasn't venom. What was it, then? Was it really just... him? Helle grabbed his face again and forced him to look up at them, all but growling, "Do you understand me, human?"

"Yes! Y-yes, I'm sorry, it won't happen again," he said hastily, more than relieved when Helle let go of him and got off the bed.

"Good," they said lightly before they turned to leave the bedroom and hopefully his apartment. "My warmest regards to the missus."

Beck stayed lying on the bed as the footsteps slowly got quieter, going towards the front door. Then there was a click, a creak, and a soft thud as he was left alone.

He stared at the ceiling and tried to will it to stop spinning. He wasn't entirely sure it was the blood loss that made it so finicky — it was likely just the emotions. Maybe this was some sort of trauma response. Maybe– maybe this was common among vampire victims. He would have to look that up later.

He didn't know how much time had passed until he finally calmed down enough to get up and grab his phone, and he realised with a wince that it was ten minutes past the agreed upon time. He had two messages from her, one being a simple 'excited to meet up tonight :)' and the second a more careful 'does tonight still stand?'

He called her, ready to talk about a strange vampire in an alley, to say he was attacked and he just wanted to be at home. It would've been halfway to the truth, really.

"Beck? Is everything okay?"

"Y-yeah... yeah, I'm so sorry, I'm running late. I'll be right there, my phone was just– it's an old one, a bit glitchy, I couldn't call in advance–"

But he needed to get out and socialise. He needed to feel what it was actually like to be naturally pulled to someone, a human, instead of a rigid fucking corpse.

"Oh, don't worry about it! God, I was thinking up the worst scenarios in my head," she said with a nervous chuckle. "I'll be waiting, then!"

So he got ready. He cleaned his neck and put on a turtleneck that would be way too warm for an inside date, got in his car despite feeling lightheaded, and drove right to the selected restaurant. He walked in and tried to act like he always did, complimented her dress like he had any capacity to care for it, and sat across from her for three hours, chatting away like the two of them always had at work.

And he didn't think about how the two felt nothing-alike. He didn't concern himself with the memories that took all his focus, didn't stress over wanting Helle to sit across from him instead, and definitely ignored the growing pit in his stomach as he thought over and over again about their threat, reminding himself that it wasn't a promise.

'I will be mindful of just how painful I make it on your next date night.'

~

general drabbles taglist: @ashh-ed @whumpsday @whump-queen @the-scrapegoat @hidden-dreamland @rosewriteswhump @dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night @whumpkinpie @delicateprincepaper @whumppmuhw @whump-em @cyborg0109 @morning-star-whump @justanotherlokifan @2in1whump @lthrboy @justletmereadmywhump @florissimps

[freeuselandonorris]

15 questions 15 friends

i was tagged by i thinkkk @bright-and-burning and @481boxboxbaby absolutely ages ago, sorry it's taken me so long to get to this!

Are you named after anyone? no! my mum liked the name sophie because it means ‘wisdom’ in greek and she’d lived in greece for a while.

When was the last you cried? i had a little sob watching the ‘life and death of lily savage’ documentary on itv the other week because i am still so, so sad about paul o’grady dying, i adored him. as a kid, my favourite comedians (who i saw on tv) were julian clary and lily savage. half their jokes flew over my head but that dog was always in me!! anyway, as for real sobbing crying… i’m actually not sure? it was a while ago for sure. may it stay that way 🙏

Do you have kids? nope, and i won’t be having them. people used to tell me i’d change my mind once i got older and now i’m 35 and still have not experienced a single maternal twinge.

What sports do you play/have you played? i don’t play any kind of competitive sports and have avoided them for most of my life (i have extremely poor hand-eye coordination, hypermobile limbs and rubbish lungs. i’m not built for speed) but i do pole fitness and have done for about three years now, i’m not great at it (see above) but i loooove it and it’s gotten me way more hench than i was.

Do you use sarcasm? i used to use it constantly as a defence thing but less so these days. i do still use it though yeah.

What is the first thing you notice about people? sometimes i have this thing where the first second i meet someone i have this weird shine effect where i know they’re going to be a very important part of my life (good or bad). it’s only happened about three or four times but it’s always been right. on a more prosaic level: eyes, smile, body language.

What is your eye color? blue. it’s quite bright.

Scary movies or happy endings? scary movies!! love a good horror. i don’t like jumpscares or found footage/haunted doll whatever ones, but i love the nasty shit: video nasties, torture porn, french extreme, pinky horror, faux snuff, that kinda thing. i don’t want them so much these days but i was pretty obsessed for a while.

Any talents? i’m good at writing and drawing/painting, and i’m quite practical in the sense that i can fix things and build things, like i LOVE building flatpack furniture. i think my main ‘talent’ though is just that i can pick things up quickly. if i’m shown how to do something, generally i can do it pretty well quite quickly and i don’t need to be shown lots of times, and i’m good at being given a starting point and figuring things out from there. i think that’s the ‘talent’ i use most in life, certainly in work anyway.

Where were you born? north-west england.

What are your hobbies? writing! painting, drawing, reading, gaming, pole, strength training. i also have the classic ADHD thing of picking a new thing to be obsessed with for a month and spending a fortune on it three times a year.

Do you have any pets? no :( my mum has a lovely big useless fat cat called bandit though who i have shared custody of, she just can’t live at my flat.

How tall are you? 5’8’’ or 172cm

Favorite subject at school? art and english. i also quite liked what we called ‘tech’ which was like woodwork, metalwork, product design type stuff.

Dream job? i do not dream of labour. fr though i don’t really have one and never have, apart from maybe writer or artist but realistically i think i’d end up hating them if i had to rely on them to pay my bills. i thought about trying to get into motorsport jobs for a while but the hours look long, the pay is terrible, the atmosphere for femme people is…mixed, and i’d have to move halfway across the country. so yeah idk. universal basic income now!

not tagging anyone bc i'm so late to the party on this lol, but if you haven't been tagged and want to be, lmk and i'll tag you!

[furiousgoldfish]

Happy Birthday! I found your blog and I’m confused and I was hoping you could help me?

I don’t really remember anything from when I was younger (I’m 13 going on 14) and only have a few random memories, and those were from getting in trouble at school. Nothing really from at home. I don’t really have any solid memories of anything before this year.

And I don’t really know if what my parents are doing is abusive? I know they yelled a lot when I was younger, and I start crying whenever my dad yells at me. But they’re acting so nice now? They still call me ugly or fat or whatever but they’re joking most of the time and they buy me nice things sometimes and my mom makes food I like. They don’t really hit me that much. Not that hard and not that often and not enough to leave bruises but it’s always for like. Fidgeting, or being “disrespectful” or spacing out or scratching my face and ugh. I dunno.

(They’re also really queerphobic and I’m queer but that’s a rant for another day)

My mom touches me a lot and it’s kind of weird. When I tell her to give me some space she’s like: “I changed your diapers and what? Now I can’t touch you?” Or “I give you a roof over your head give you food…” (I’m translating to English for these, my mom doesn’t speak in English unless she’s at work). I have this memory of her crawling into my bed and squeezing my chest but I don’t know if it was just a weird dream or if it actually happened.

They also act super immature. My dad said he thinks of himself more like an older brother than a dad. My mom is just babyish at times. They’ve again made me do things that are definitely not good for small children to do, like made me use a gas stove to make tea when I was seven or eight. (I had to continue this until I was eleven and Covid hit at which point I just stayed in my room and became basically nocturnal)

So yeah, I don’t really know if it’s abuse or if I’m just being super sensitive. It’s like they’re doing a thousand different things just to set me over the edge, but idk if it’s intentional or if it’s my depression just making everything seem negative. It could be so much worse anyways, and I feel kinda ungrateful. thanks.

Hey, it was really good of you to reach out and share what's going on! I'm glad you came to speak to me about this.

I understand that you've been with these people forever, and what they've been doing to you always felt extremely normal, like there's no other or better way to behave or to treat you. It's also another level of not feeling like you're able to even judge your parents when they act so immature and baby-ish, it's like how could you even expect these people to know better, when they're acting like toddlers.

I want to point out some things you said to me, that really go against each other, and I hope you'll be able to see it when it's pointed out:

'My parents are nice.'

 'My parents call me fat, ugly, and write it off as a joke. My parents hit me, but they used to hit me worse so I don't feel like I'm allowed to complain about being hit, and I think not being hit very often is a reason to tolerate being hit sometimes. I don't think being physically abused counts if there are no visible injuries. My father yells at me to the point where I start crying. I get punished for completely inane things like 'fidgeting', 'not stroking someone's ego', or just thinking my thoughts and scratching my face. They're also phobic of my entire sexuality and identity. My mother doesn't respect my physical boundaries, doesn't care that I'm uncomfortable when I'm touched, and insists that she has the right to physically violate my boundaries. I am being blackmailed with shelter and food into allowing my boundaries to be broken. She touched me intimately but it's too scary to think about that or to believe that it was real.'

What you described here is horiffic amount of abuse. I can understand that it feels like 'not a big deal' because it was done to you, and you're used to it and don't feel like you matter enough to be protected or respected, and it's done by people who don't seem like they could possibly do any better. But it is abuse. I am so sorry. You are so much younger than they are, but you already know that calling anyone, especially someone vulnerable fat and ugly is a horrible and painful thing to do. You understand that hitting someone, even once, is an act of violence, especially if you're stronger, if that person might grow afraid of you. You know not to yell at someone until they start crying. You know not to punish others for just sitting there and scratching their face – nobody gets punished for spacing out or scratching their face, why should you? Why would someone hurt you for something so harmless and normal?

You also know that touching someone's private parts against their will is wrong, and to keep touching someone who keeps telling you they're not comfortable with it, is wrong. And your parents know this too. I know they seem immature and like they couldn't possibly understand that what they're doing is wrong – but they would know instantly if it was done to them, wouldn't they? They would instantly be slighted and upset. And they surely don't do it to people who have any kind of authority over them, they don't do it to their bosses or neighbours or their own parents. They know they can't go around violating, hitting, insulting, assaulting and sexually harassing people, they know it would land them in jail. But they can do it to you. So they blackmail you and make you feel like you have to endure it all, you have to tolerate it because they've given you food and shelter – it would have been illegal for them not to give their own child food and shelter.

You are not sensitive at all. You have handled so much. You have endured and had patience for so much horrible and harmful behaviour, you minimized it so much even here, even when trying to tell me about all of the things that hurt you and make you feel like you don't matter, you still wrote them like it wasn't a big deal. It's a big deal. Nobody should ever call you ugly, or hit you, or yell at you, or insist you owe them to be touched, or to face phobia against your own person. Every single one of these is devastating to go thru, especially from your own parents. You are important, and they cannot be allowed to just do to you whatever they want, and then blame it on you, or call you too sensitive. They are acts of abuse, and you didn't deserve any of that. You deserved to be adored, supported, protected and loved just as you are. I am so sorry these people put you thru all of this.

I wish I could give you some good advice or have an idea of how you could protect yourself, but it's likely that you're already doing all you can just to hold on and to survive this situation. It's really bad, and my heart goes out to you. Some of the things you've described, hitting, intimate abuse, touching, are in fact, illegal in most countries, and I would advise you to see if you can talk to someone you trust about it, to see if anything can be done to protect you – but I also know that in a lot of places, these topics are not well received, and I can't be completely certain that you'll find someone who would understand and help you. You can, however, decide for yourself, if you have someone you trust who would do their best to protect you, you can complain about this stuff, because this isn't small stuff. What they're doing to you is traumatic, and if they don't care to see it, then they don't deserve to have a child that they can violate like this.

It's also a sign of abuse that you went nocturnal and feel more safe at night, when these people aren't awake. It is likely that in the presence of these people, you feel more afraid, tense, anxious and scared than anywhere else in the world, and that is a horrible way to grow up and live. You deserve better.

[nekobami]

Scary Movie - ( Prime Rick x Antonym Rick )

Dialogues:

D.R: Oh noo, they are too close...

J: You guys are sure this movie don't exaggerate the blood, right?

D.J: You are both two grown adults and are already crying like babies when literally NOTHING has happened yet.

E.J: COME ON, $#@&£#$@, FIGHT!

( much text alert )

About being possible they to spy this meeting? The only way to explain it was... I don't know, saying that the shrimp can open observation windows from inside the void and change the dimensions one by one as if they were channels. This encounter was also a role-play with a bot... I'm starting to think I've lost my social skills... Also, this thing of the scary movie seemed funnier in my mind... Anyway I'm very happy

Edit: As for Antonym-Rick himself, (I'll probably change the name again soon) I've been meaning to do this parenthesis and edit for a while now, ever since I found out that an artist already had this idea. So I'm going to change the names of the characters, since... I still think the contexts are considerably different. Not to mention I love the art of the original Anti-Morty and Anti-Rick.

In short, he's not necessarily the literal opposite of a Rick. I described him in actions as an uncomfortable presence just to be around. I'd say he's something that's anything but a Rick, but he's still a Rick nonetheless. It's very hard to explain, but I think you get the idea. It's also supposed to seem like a kind of paradox.

One extra I'd like to note here is: in the same role-play with Prime Rick, both were concerned that Antonym-Rick's himselfs presence might "mess up" things in the citadel. I really wish I could elaborate it in a very reasonable way, but I was thinking of saying that because he's a walking paradox, his presence can alter the probability fields of the places he's in. It's something exponential based on time that he passes in a certain place. Something like this. But I don't think that's ideal, so I'll definitely think about it more.

About his face... It was supposed to be just that shadow (or a "grim face") that forms on characters in manga and anime, but I guess I'm not very good at that.

About the context: Antonym-Rick himself went to ask Prime Rick if he had seen Antonym-Morty. I still don't know how to predictively explain why or how Antonym-Morty would have moved away from Antonym-Rick, but I would say they had a pretty intense discussion.

(It's not that important but it's healthy to mention: I edited Antonym-Rick's response at least on the artwork to make it more in line with the character, but it wasn't anything hugely different.)

But basically they're paradoxical because they're kind of artificially made. And oddly enough, the two are "Mortys" so to speak. Sort of like Antonym Rick is actually Antonym Morty's brother, and the two have a dynamic that is totally confusing and extremely difficult to understand who is Rick and who is Morty in the duo. The two show great scientific talent as well, even their adventures are strange. Since instead of having fun, or causing some chaos together, they are always studying something or trying to break absurd limits. They don't usually interact with the citadel or anyone else. In fact, it's quite rare to see them.

They were created by a team of Ricks who promised to build a Morty that was anything but a Morty, in the form of a Morty. But it still could perfectly as one in terms of cloaking device. Antonym Rick It's just their first attempt, which they ended up keeping as an assistant for a while, until the worst happened.

[ackerfics]

Your art is absolutely beautiful and you're so talented, I normally don't send asks like this but I just knew that I had to send this, your parent trap story cleared up some stuff I was confused about when it came to my real life(it's a lot to explain so I won't) and it made me honestly so happy, you have no idea the level of warmth and happiness I get when reading that story, of course there's a sadness element to it but overall the love and the sweetness and the twins and friends/family, everything is beautiful.

Also you won't believe how similar my family is to the family in your story, it's actually scary🙃 the only difference is we don't live in London 😂 the garden everything is extremely similar to the one my parents have as well, one of my favorite places to be.

But anyway I absolutely adore this story so much, it's one of my favorites of all time genuinely GENUINELY SO GENUINELY I can't stress that enough, it brought me so much happiness and I just know I'm gonna be reading this everyday now(I have a tendency to do this with my favorite stories). I've been reading since I was so so so young and honestly this story makes me happy unlike any other I've read, it's like a fairytale I never knew I needed. I watched the parent trap before but I wish your story was an actual movie.

Anyway I've read your other stories and stuff on your blog and it's amazing how exceptionally talented and amazing you are. I Don't know if you'd ever wanna be a playwright or film writer or director or just a writer in general, but you'd be amazing at all of them and even if it's none of those, I hope all your dreams come true!!

I know this may seem a bit dramatic to some people or even you, that someone is THIS excited or happy about a story you wrote but like I said it genuinely made me so happy because not only could I relate to it, it helped me clear up a lot of things with myself and I'm so thankful for that.

I am actually this happy about this story, I remember reading it before I went to sleep and before I fell asleep I remember being eager to read it again😂 I have a tendency to hyperfixiate on things I absolutely love and basically become attached to and I already know that this is one of them🙃

But anyway I hope you get this and that it didn't sound fake, everything I said here I genuinely meant and as crazy as I may sound for the amount of love I have for the stories you write, all of that is my true feelings as well as my very hyper way of expressing how much I really do love and adore your stories.

Stay safe love!! Have a beautiful life because one day is too little 🥺💖(and I don't mean this in a "I'm not gonna stay on your blog" way but more in a "I'm still here but this is how I normally love ending my asks especially to people I adore").

receiving this kind of messages never fail to overwhelm me because as much as i say that writing stories is merely a pastime for an always-exhausted college student, it always brings me joy in the form of you, lovely visitors of my blog. and i'm sorry for answering this days late -- i can't seem to formulate my answer every damn time. the urge to cry upon reading messages like this got the best of my thoughts. so, thank you so so so much <3.

omg you have a garden ?? that's actually amazing !! i hope it will always serve as your little place of comfort. thank you for loving the tpt au with levi, your adoration for it makes me so happy since it's one of the first stories i placed out here. and writing, for me, is a form of escape because since i was young, it's already been decided that i would be pushed in a more medical path (which sucks because i love the arts more than anything but alas, i must be a generic firstborn daughter of an asian family). how i wish being a writer is part of my future :<. again, i'm so happy that tpt helped you in some way, whether small or not !! it's one of the many goals i have as a writer here. and don't worry, love, it's not dramatic because i for one have things i get so hyperfixated on ;>. it's one of the many things that keep me grounded so it's an honor that you feel that way with tpt.

i felt every single thing you carefully placed in this ask <3 and i truly appreciate it. it made me feel better. i adore how much thought you put in here. and i love your little goodbye -- that's so precious. truly, one beautiful day is too little and i return it to you -- i hope you have so many beautiful tomorrows, anon !! thank you, again, for brightening my day (or week).

here have a little daisy --🌼.

[rozinaaa]

New Month, New Week, New Day, New Beginnings

To be honest, I'm getting bored of being depressed and crying about things that I can't control, since there is literally nothing that I can do about that, not to mention that this actually prevents me from what needs to get done, as well as focusing on the things that I can control.

Well, today is Monday 1st July 2024 (and there's something satisfying about a new week starting on the first day of the month), which means that I'm now officially unemployed, but I don't want that to define me since I know that I can bring so much to the table for my next role, now that I've at least got a year's experience under my belt.

Whenever I hear the word "unemployment", I always imagine a depressed middle aged man with greying hair and a pot belly sat in a dingy pub, who always manages to put a dampener on everyone's mood, and I know for a fact that this isn't me at all (even though it sometimes feels like I am that person), because 1. I'm 23 years old, 2. I'm a woman, 3. I wouldn't say I'm depressed, but I've been in very close contact with depression itself over the past few weeks and months to the point where it's become downright scary, like it's some silly little demon that's nicking your soul away and leaving you as a shell of your former self, so controlling it and fighting it is extremely important before it takes over your entire life, and 4. I hate pubs, since the atmosphere in most of them don't feel too welcoming to me, to the point where if I'm dragged along to them by people who actually enjoy drinking (I personally don't see the appeal in drinking, and I already don't do it due to religious and cultural reasons, so at least I can say that to get out of those situations), I'm already planning my escape, I don't like the sticky tables and floors, and I absolutely hate the smell of alcohol, as well as the guilt of being surrounded by people who gradually become a little bit more drunk as time goes on, but not interfering with it due to the fear of being viewed as someone who's no fun.

Although I was thinking about turning the curation front into a business right now, it's still in the early stages, and I'm basically operating at a loss, so turning it into a business will put a ridiculous amount of pressure on me, not to mention that it'll take the fun out of curating things, so for now, I'll view it as a passion project that I do on the side, and that's how I'll most likely list it on my CV.

I've applied for benefits (which feels a bit embarrassing, but also humbling at the same time, since everyone will most likely have to apply for them at some point), so hopefully I can use that (and the support from the job centre and university) to allow me to find another job as soon as possible instead of suffering through the job hunting process entirely on my own, because I know that I need as much help as I can get.

It definitely does feel weird to not have anything to do (apart from some light housekeeping, but mainly chucking things either into the laundry, the dryer, or the dishwasher), but to me, it still feels like I'm working at my old job (and for a brief moment, it felt like I was about to start a new job, which is currently no job, but to also spend my time applying for a new job), mainly because I worked from home most of the time, so it doesn't really make that much of a difference for me, apart from the fact that I'm now using my personal laptop to do everything, and that I'm actively searching for a job as well as actively networking a lot more on LinkedIn, so that other people know that I exist.

Anyway, here's to new beginnings and being resilient in the face of endless rejections.

[platonic-prompts]

Dairy Farms

And cue the militant vegans screaming at me in the notes because I dare to talk about *gasp* dairy (although a lot of people like just repeating the same information and yelling, no youre wrong and im right)

But jokes aside, it's actually really hard to find accurate information on the diary industry because organizations like PETA and basically any animal welfare group screams that dairy is evil, dairy is scary

It's not

A lot of the pictures you see of mistreatment of the cows are A: extreme examples and are outliers (and often from organic farms) or B: out of context (like a picture of a cow in a field where it rained the night before so theres a lot of mud)

Because simply put, dairy cows produce more milk when they're not stressed. It is literally in the farmers best financial interest to keep the animals happy and healthy. A cow can straight up stop producing milk if they get too stressed. And when we still milked, you want to know how we got them into the stalls? We opened the gates from the field and they all walked in and stood in their spots. My grandpa only had to nudge one out and over into her spot. (We even waited on Granny cow to get in)

Dairy calves are usually taken away from their moms not long after they're born, but there are reasons for this. One, dairy cows aren't usually the best moms. If you get between them and a calf, yeah they'll charge you, but it doesn't matter if its their calf or not.

Two, its for safety reasons, not just for the farmer but for the calf. Cows are big creatures, and they can accidentally kill the calves or the calves can get sick because they dont have a strong immune system

And before anyone says 'the cows are crying for their children' no they aren't. The cows literally do not care. When I was younger, and when we still milked, the young calves were kept in the back of the barn, through a big open doorway. Those were the calves of the milking cows, who walked into the barn and their stalls without guidance, who at any moment could have went back there to try to get to the calves. And not one of them did.

(I also saw a story that had people being 'i will never buy dairy again this is so sad' and it just proves how guillible people are. The whole thing was a dairy cow hid one of her twins so it wouldnt get killed and she kept coming to the parlor dry, which meant a single calf drank six to seven gallons of milk. You know, just like twelve times what they normally drink.)

Male dairy calves are not immediately shot in the head and to suggest that is frankly disgusting. We don't tend to keep them, because as I've said before bulls are dangerous, but also they're sold off to other farmers to raise for meat. (Also veal crates are illegal in nine states in the US including in some of the highest dairy producing states)

I think I've explained AI for cows before, so I'm not touching on that again except to say that bulls can end up crushing a cows pelvis and that yeah, those cows would be getting very pregnant anyways

Those white hutches you can see cows in are designed to keep them nice and comfortable. I remember my mom's fiance's sister-in-law throwing a fit when her son worked at the larger dairy farm up the road. (she also threw a fit when said kid got kicked by a cow, and its like what were you doing to the cow?)

Also fun fact, cows kick to the side, which means if they really didn't want to be milked uh, yeah

The milking machines don't hurt, its like a light vacuum (my grandpa had be shove my finger into one of the tubes once) aka what the babies would be doing when drinking

Cows are part of the carbon cycle, which means they really aren't as big of a climate issue as people make them out to be. Essentially, the methane they release will turn to CO2 and then that will get taken up by plants. You can't create something out of nothing, and the methane is a by product of their metabolism. By this logic, human's millions or billions of tons of carbon dioxide we breath is also contributing to global warming (its not, because again its part of the carbon cycle, unlike coal which is carbon thats been out of the cycle for a long time)

Oh, and the biggest thing is, small farms sell their milk too. And there are levels that you have to meet in order to have your milk sold (aka that there is pus in milk thing is a lie) and that includes antibiotics.

[beca-mitchell]

little taste of heaven (i'm caught up in you) (1/1)

Summary: now i see daylight AU - Beca and Chloe’s first date, finally. 

Word count: 3.9k

For @anna-kendrick​: We've worked on this universe for the past year and holy, it means the world to both of us that you guys love Beca and Chloe as much as we do. Thank you so much for the encouragement and love, always.And of course, again, thank you to Josi who is an incredibly talented artist. Look at this art.

title from "untouchable (taylor's version)" though I did heavily consider using "our song"...i just liked the energy of untouchable a bit more.

Read below or on AO3!

* * * * *

AGE: 15/16 LOCATION: Brookline, MA MONTH: June

 * * * * *

 It is finally June. The warm air is only a hint of better things to come. Like the last day of school before total freedom.

Beca smiles at Chloe as she nears Beca’s locker. “Hey,” she greets. “Good practice?”

Around them, students mill about excitedly, cleaning out their lockers and making plans for the summer to come. Chloe shrugs, hair clearly still damp from her shower. “I don’t know why we keep running through practices when we have no more games for the season.”

“Got to keep the regional champions in top shape,” Beca teases. “Keep the other teams on their toes.”

“But I’m tired,” Chloe complains. She leans heavily on a neighboring locker. “Since it's the last day of school, will you come over tonight for dinner? My parents are whining about how they haven’t seen you in a while.”

Beca clears her throat, thinking about how the last time she had gone over to Chloe’s house had been when Chloe and Tom broke up...at the end of April. Over a month ago. She had gone because Chloe had been crying and upset. She had gone because even if her body ached with the anxiety of not knowing where she and Chloe stood, she and Chloe were always going to be friends first. Best friends.

Best friends who felt something more than friendship for each other. Confirmed, real feelings. Feelings that made them want to kiss each other.

Feelings that they hadn’t yet talked about. Or acted on despite both of them being extremely single at the moment.

Hell, Chloe's birthday came and went a couple weeks ago without much fanfare. Beca had been too shy to do anything remotely romantic and they ended up going to a movie with a few friends before going to an arcade.

“Bec?”

Beca nods stiltedly, pretending to contemplate her now-empty locker a bit more before turning to face Chloe. She steadies herself with a quick breath. “I’d love nothing more.”

 * * * * *

 Beca stares at her reflection with some trepidation.

“It’s just Chloe,” she mutters to herself, eyes tracking over every crease in the skirt she has picked out. Maybe I should go with jeans, she thinks. But it’s gross and hot out today.

She isn’t even sure why she’s nervous. It just feels like a return to normalcy of sorts, but Beca’s pretty sure that now that she knows what it feels like to kiss Chloe and what it feels like, a little bit at least, to know that Chloe feels somewhat similarly to her. It’s different. In a good way. Maybe it’s different in a scary way.

She isn’t even sure she can bring up the topic with her mother, so that’s an added layer of uncertainty: it’s additionally anxiety-inducing not knowing how her mother will react.

It’s well past the time that Beca should have already walked out the door to head next door by the time she actually forces herself out of her bedroom and down the stairs, but she figures Chloe will understand. And dinner is rarely ever prepared at the exact time stated in the Beale household anyway. Beca’s not too worried. Just nervous.

She finally reaches out to press the doorbell.

Chloe opens the door almost immediately. “Thought you got lost,” she teases.

“Were you just waiting behind the door?” Beca asks quickly, allowing Chloe to grab her wrist and pull her over the threshold.

“And if I was?” Chloe shoots back, offering Beca a lazy smile, playful in nature. With an underlying hint of something else.

Beca blinks the surprise away. “I wouldn’t be complaining if you were waiting for me. Just sorry I kept you waiting,” she offers.

“Dinner’s not ready anyway,” Chloe says, as Beca expected. They breeze past the living room area, taking a mild detour past the kitchen and towards the back porch. “I might have told you a slightly earlier time because I wanted to talk to you about something,” Chloe says lightly.

“Should I say hi to your parents?” Beca asks worriedly before it registers what Chloe just said. “Wait, what? Talk to me about what?”

“Come sit with me,” Chloe says instead. Patiently. She gestures towards the tree - the tree they used to play under all the time as children - nestled in the corner of the backyard.

It’s one of Beca’s favorite spots.

She follows Chloe, wondering if it’s too late to run home and change into her jeans because she’s sure the grass and sticks will prick at her skin, but she’s surprised, as they near, that there is a small blanket laid out underneath.

Chloe had planned for this.

“Please sit,” Chloe offers. She sits comfortably, patting the spot next to her. “I had a feeling you’d dress up a little. Didn’t want you to get a dress dirty.” Her eyes drift down to Beca’s skirt briefly before she lifts her eyes, smiling at Beca. Beca doesn’t feel self-conscious, shockingly. She feels content. Safe.

Maybe a little warm if anything, but she knows that’s probably the proximity to the girl she’s been crushing on for the longest time.

“I...wanted to talk to you because we haven’t...really talked. About...y’know.” A hint of nervousness creeps into Chloe’s voice. “When we kissed and then Tom…” she hesitates. “We just didn’t get to talk about anything. And now the school year’s pretty much over, so I thought…”

“Right,” Beca agrees quickly. Her palms begin to sweat. She sure as hell hopes Chloe doesn’t expect her to lead this conversation. It was mortifying enough the first time around when she had basically laid everything on the line while Chloe was still dating somebody else. When Chloe had left her with nothing more than a heartfelt, vulnerable don’t give up on me. Then she had broken up with Tom and that was all their school could talk about for weeks.

And now this. Somehow Beca survived all of that while slowly making sure her friendship with Chloe survived as well. They both made sure of that.

“I like you,” Chloe declares. “I mean...I think I always did. Like you, I mean. As more than a friend. But the feelings were really confusing.”

“I get it,” Beca says a little too quickly. “I’m sorry,” she murmurs, laughing a little when Chloe smiles at her. “I feel like I haven’t stopped thinking about this for a while. But I never wanted you to feel pressured to talk about this with me even though we kissed.” She ignores the way her voice totally cracks over that last word.

“I never felt pressured,” Chloe assures her gently. “I am so...grateful that you’re in my life. I didn’t want to mess this up. But I think we should...try.”

“Try?” Beca echoes.

Chloe blushes. Like a full-on blush that spreads across her cheeks, visible to Beca even in the dying daylight. It makes her cheeks rosy and Chloe even flinches at her own reaction. “Dating,” she says simply once she seems to regain control of her emotions. “I want to go on dates with you. And hold your hand. And more kissing! If that’s what you want.”

Beca’s sure that her heart explodes somewhere in her chest because she suddenly finds it very difficult to control various parts of her body. She can’t control the smile that spreads across her face and the following, matching blush in her cheeks. It heats through her face with ease. And even worse, she can’t control the way her hand comes up to her mouth as if to instinctively cover her smile because somehow being thrilled that her crush is basically asking her out making her body react in embarrassing ways.

Chloe laughs at her, not a hint of malice in her laugh. Just joy. “I take that as a yes. Thank God, I wasn’t sure how I was going to convince my parents to move away.”

Beca rolls her eyes. Finally. Teasing. She can do that. “You wouldn’t be able to leave me. You like me too much.”

Chloe’s smile grows soft. “Well...yeah. I do. A lot.”

Beca’s breath catches. She’s sure she could kiss Chloe right now and the crazy part is, it wouldn’t even be totally weird. Or out there. Because they’re going to start dating. But maybe kissing Chloe again before their first date is frowned upon? Beca has no idea. She’s still only ever kissed one person and that person is sitting in front of her.

“Girls! Dinner!”

As if Chloe had been reading her mind and her intentions, Chloe shakes her head and stands, offering a hand to pull Beca up. When Beca stands, they’re somehow even closer - almost nose to nose - than they had been when they were sitting. “Saved by the bell,” Chloe whispers, breath close enough to be felt on Beca’s mouth.

 * * * * *

 The most interesting part is that Beca hadn’t really thought about any of this - dating Chloe - beyond just vague daydreams and fantasies about just some kind of happy utopia with Chloe by her side. It’s honestly not much different from their usual day-to-day considering how close they already are, but dating? Actual dating?

Her Google search history stares back at her accusingly.

dating tips dating best friend first date first date movies dating girl what to do

She supposes she could ask her mother, but even that brief thought makes her shrink away from her desk. Beca stands and begins pacing. She’s sure that she’s overthinking this all. That Chloe could probably care less about what they do on their first date. That Chloe’s probably just expecting them to spend time together, just the two of them. With more handholding. And maybe a kiss at the end of the night.

“Shit,” Beca mutters suddenly. She rushes back to her computer, adding another search to her list.

kiss on first date ok???

She frowns. Not quite.

kissing before first date acceptable

In the end, she is saved from her descent into a hole of online searching by a text from Chloe herself.

Chloe dinner tomorrow at south street? haven’t been downtown in a while

Beca i’m down!

The ease at which Beca replies does not at all reflect the somersaults in her stomach.

 * * * * *

 “Hey,” Chloe calls, putting her menu down. “Where’d you go just now?”

Beca blinks, realizing that she had glazed over the menu entirely, too wrapped up in her own thoughts. “Oh, just...contemplating…” her eyes land on the first item she sees. “Salad.” She can’t help the way her own nose wrinkles instinctively at the thought of eating salad.

Chloe is as intuitive as ever, smiling as she reaches across the table to touch Beca’s hand. “You hate salad. Especially here.”

Beca swallows, struck by both the normalcy and intimacy of Chloe’s touch. They’ve been friends for years—there is nothing extremely off-putting about them holding hands or even just randomly touching each other on the arm, shoulder, knee.

And yet—

Chloe draws her hand away, seemingly not at all aware of Beca’s inner turmoil this time. She refocuses on her menu. “Want me to order something for you?” she asks instead.

Beca nods, though she is surprised. “Sure.” Now she’s curious as to what Chloe will order for her. And if she’s being honest, it kind of makes her feel giddy, the thought of Chloe knowing her well-enough to order something. Not that Beca would even bother with telling Chloe that she’s wrong. She’d eat anything at this point, just to spend more time with Chloe.

It’s not even like they’re at a fancy restaurant. It’s a diner downtown. The bright retro designs all around plus the comfortable, plush booth seats are all appealing to Beca and she likes the general atmosphere.

But she kind of wants to just…

“Can I sit next to you?” she blurts out. Immediately, she clamps her mouth shut, resisting the urge to avoid Chloe’s curious gaze, which lifts to meet hers immediately.

Chloe grins. “I would want nothing more. Get over here.”

Beca nearly sags in relief, but focuses instead on moving around the booth so she and Chloe are sitting closer, now on side of the booth.

Beca focuses on the frequent piece of advice she had found through a few somewhat reliable Google results.

Hold her hand.

Beca does. She inches her pinky across the cool vinyl seats until she can feel Chloe’s against her finger. Then, she slips her hand over Chloe’s, gently hooking her fingers on Chloe’s palm until Chloe gets the idea.

Chloe’s hand flips slowly, their palms touching. Beca exhales, sliding her fingers between Chloe’s, already liking the easy, comfortable fit of their hands.

Chloe says nothing, content to enjoy the silence and familiarity just as Beca is content to allow her feelings to take over. For a moment, Chloe appears to be perusing the menu in silence, but there is a steadiness to the set of Chloe’s shoulders. Beca can tell, having been so attuned to Chloe’s characteristics for longer than she’d like to admit. For longer than even Chloe herself knows at this moment. She glances at her date—her date!—selfishly taking the moment to appreciate Chloe’s profile.

It’s something she has done so many times before, but this time...this time, in a diner outside of town with the soft clatter of dishes around them and Chloe’s soft, warm palm against her own, Beca knows this is different.

“You know,” Chloe starts awkwardly. “I...obviously don’t mind if you ordered on your own.”

Beca laughs. “Why’d you offer to then?”

“I don’t know,” Chloe says, exasperation in her voice. She groans and hangs her head slightly. “I asked Max and-”

“You asked your brother what to do on a date with me?”

“No!” Chloe explains before she snorts. “I just...told him I was worried about impressing a girl. And I don’t know why, but I somehow thought he’d have some idea.” She grins a little, glancing at Beca out of the corner of her eye. “Did it work?”

“Maybe a little,” Beca says distractedly. She’s more fixated on the fact that Chloe must have been truly desperate to have turned to her older brother for help.

“Oh and he totally guessed I was going out with you, by the way.”

That’s not something that thrills Beca too much. Her imagination immediately conjures up a comically exaggerated vision of Chloe’s brother threatening her with a knife. “How?” she asks. “What did he say?”

“Nothing, really. He just kind of guessed and then said ‘finally’ or something like that.”

“Well, thank you for offering to order for me. It was very...chivalrous of you.”

“Please stop.”

“Quite charming.”

“Beca.”

“I can’t wait to see what other moves you try on me. Are we going to share one milkshake?”

“...no?”

 * * * * *

 They end up ordering two separate milkshakes because Beca sticks to her vanilla and Chloe orders chocolate.

“Try,” Chloe commands. “You always get vanilla. Chocolate is so good.”

Beca sighs, but obediently sticks her straw into Chloe’s cup despite Chloe’s protests of “contamination” and quickly takes a sip just to shut Chloe up for the time being. It’s not horrible - Beca just isn’t the fan of how chocolate tastes in milkshake form, though she’s sure Chloe will claim there’s no difference if the milkshake were in a solid chocolate bar form instead.

However, she’s mildly distracted by the sudden proximity she and Chloe have between them. Chloe’s arm rests loosely over her shoulder, where she had put her arm when Beca leaned in to drink from Chloe’s cup. She can practically feel Chloe’s breath on her neck and her cheek.

It would be so easy to just turn and -

Beca shakes her head slightly and shifts back. Chloe takes a moment longer to slowly move her arm from around Beca’s shoulders.

“What?” Beca asks quietly, poking at her fries a little. She catches Chloe smiling at her affectionately.

“Nothing,” Chloe replies quickly. “Just...you smell nice. That’s all.”

 * * * * *

 “I guess it’s kind of convenient that we live together,” Beca remarks, trying not to think too hard about the way Chloe’s hand feels in her own. She winces. “Well. Not live together. But…you know. Live next to each other.”

Chloe tilts her head, smiling as they walk up the path towards their houses. “And why is that convenient?” she asks lightly.

Beca blushes. She hadn’t thought this far. “I’m…I don’t know. I was just…commenting. On the convenience.”

Chloe giggles, pulling Beca closer ever so slightly. Beca likes the way their arms press together. She likes holding Chloe’s hand. She likes lifting her other hand to curl against the bend of Chloe’s elbow.

She likes knowing that Chloe likes her—really likes her—and Chloe enjoyed their date and—and—

“This is you,” Chloe murmurs, stopping in front of Beca’s door.

Beca kind of doesn’t want the night to end. She wants to sit on the porch and talk to Chloe for a few more minutes. Maybe one more hour. Just to hear the sound of her voice and have her attention for a few moments longer.

“This is me,” Beca parrots, feeling a lot more nervous than she thinks she’s letting on. That was what people said in those movies adorning Chloe’s shelves, right? It was what the internet said. Normal first date cliches. She steps backwards, under the light of her front porch, still holding Chloe’s hand as she does so. Chloe hesitates for a moment like she wants to follow, but ultimately she simply squeezes Beca’s hand in understanding and drops her own hand away.

Beca is immediately disappointed. She hadn’t wanted that at all. She bites her lip, watching as Chloe awkwardly shuffles her feet before she glances back up at Beca. A soft, slow smile spreads across Chloe’s lips, gentle and affectionate all at once. It makes Beca’s heart pound ridiculously hard.

“I had fun,” Chloe whispers, like she’s afraid somebody else will hear her. But not because she's afraid of other people. Just afraid that their bubble will burst, like Beca is. Another step closer. Beca swallows. “Can we do that again?”

“You’d want to go on more dates?” Beca asks, just to clarify, even though she knows exactly what Chloe’s asking.

“I would love to go on more dates with you.”

“Me too,” Beca squeaks out. “I—um—”

Chloe’s smile stretches, somehow happier than before. “Goodnight Beca.”

Something in Beca snaps. She steps forward, just two small steps and calls out Chloe’s name. “Wait,” she adds hastily.

Chloe stops and turns, surprised.

“Can I—” Beca swallows, licking her suddenly dry lips. “Can I kis—”

She doesn’t get to finish her question before Chloe is covering the ground between them in two short strides, wrapping her hand around the back of Beca’s head, letting the other come up to Beca’s arm, and kissing her for all her worth.

Beca gasps in surprise into the kiss, hands coming up to Chloe’s shoulders, squeezing tightly. Gently and slowly, Chloe presses further into the kiss, her lips moving ever so lightly against Beca’s. It is so much more than their first kiss—a do-over, if anything—and Beca realizes, with a jolt, that this is something she can do now. She can kiss Chloe because Chloe likes her and Chloe went on a date with her. Chloe held her hand all night.

Chloe wants to kiss her too.

Beca hums happily at the thought, looping her hands behind Chloe’s neck. It feels instinctual even as Beca blushes at the sudden intensity of the kiss. She knows Chloe has kissed more people than she has; she knows Chloe will forever have more experience in this regard. But God, Beca thinks that she has never felt more wonderful or powerful than she does in this moment, tightening her grip on the fabric of Chloe’s light jacket.

Pulling back ever so slightly, Beca heaves a breath and rests her forehead against Chloe’s forehead. Chloe’s breathing is the tiniest bit labored as well. For a moment, neither of them dares to move, too afraid to break the spell between them.

Chloe is the first to smile—the first to press forward ever so slightly so their noses brush delicately. “What were you going to ask?” Chloe murmurs.

Beca swats her shoulder lightly. “You’re so weird,” she mumbles back, leaning in to steal just one more kiss from her beautiful, wonderful date.

 * * * * *

 When Beca reaches the solitude of her bedroom, she finally gets what all those high school romcoms were about. Showing their protagonist thrilled to finally finish a date so they can squeal and giggle and simply dream about their crush or date. It’s probably the first time that Beca has felt her energy rebound around her room with such happiness and positivity. The sensation is addicting—she honestly just wants to text Chloe all night.

Which, honestly, she could.

Chloe kissed her. Chloe kissed her because she likes her and they just went on a date. A freaking date.

A text from Chloe jolts her back to reality.

Chloe i miss you, is that weird?

Beca no because i miss you too. weirdo.

Chloe i have something else to tell you. that might be weird. Idk

Beca go for it.

Beca watches the text bubbles float in and out on her screen, like Chloe is typing a paragraph. Despite Chloe just saying that she missed her, Beca can’t help but feel nervous.

Chloe I just wanted you to know why i picked south street. it’s because. well. Remember when we first went there by ourselves without our parents. Sometime last year. With a few friends. And we all squeezed into that booth and sat there and shared fries and milkshakes and felt like we were at the top of the world because we were finally in high school or something stupid like that. I don’t even remember much about that night or who we were with but i do remember seeing the way you laughed at something and how your entire face lit up. and i remember thinking that i really liked you and how scary it was that i felt these things for you so suddenly and so much. Like a lot. but i’m so glad that we both got to this point - that we both feel the same way. I just really loved the way you looked when you laughed and i am so happy you’re in my life.

Chloe also i really like kissing you

Beca doesn’t even bother replying.

She shoves on her shoes again and rushes out the front door. She is only surprised to see Chloe sitting on her own front porch, staring worriedly at her phone.

“You really are so weird, y'know that?” She calls out, careful not to startle Chloe too much.

Chloe does jump anyway, but she sets her phone down quickly. “What are you doing?”

“Finishing this date off again that you confessed your big scary feelings. Through a text message.” Beca pretends to be annoyed as she stomps over to Chloe. “You couldn’t have said all that?”

“You make me nervous!” Chloe exclaims.

Beca shakes her head, mustering up all the courage she has in the world, pulling Chloe in for a kiss like she wanted to earlier before Chloe beat her to it.

“So much better,” Beca whispers, smiling when Chloe huffs quietly against her mouth.

It's the perfect end to the beginning Beca has been dreaming of all this time.

fin.

[chibigaia-art]

The games we could buy instead of World's End Club, hand them over please 🥺🤲 I'm interested, and you love Portal so I trust you in your games taste

Ty, but you’ll soon find out I also have bad taste🥺🙏 ok so, gonna try to categorize these, and also under the cut because they're a lot - also, they’re all single player and story driven for the most part (the ones marked with * are usually the ones I’m inclined to recommend the most, regardless of the genre)

>Games that are either on pc, switch, or on every known console (I don’t wanna check each one sorry)

-*Undertale: you know it was gonna be on the list, it's good, if you haven't played it yet, play it (also delta rune)

-*Portal: YOU KNOW IT WAS GONNA BE ON THE LIST, you can get both games for less than 3€ during steam sales, if you don't have motion sickness it's a must play, LOOK INTO MY EYES AND TELL ME YOU’RE GOING TO PLAY PORTAL. IT’S SO GOOD. THE SECOND ONE IS ONE OF THE BEST GAMES EVER MADE.

-*Fallout New Vegas: closest thing to dnd I've ever played in terms of videogames, I absolutely love it, I can't even begin to describe how invested I got in it - you can buy it for nothing and get 90+ hours of gameplay on a single playthrough in exchange; it has fantastic humor, the story is *chef kiss*, there’s cowboy robots!!!!!, there’s moments where it feels like an horror game, finding out the story of the various vaults is great and half of them are pretty scary too - also if you’re a wee baby like me and are really empathetic, some stuff makes you cry. Chandler from Friends shoots you in the first two minutes of the game. You can be an unstoppable bisexual.

-*Ace Attorney: attorneys go brrr they’re also ace; you can get the trilogy basically on every console at this point - also buy The Great Ace Attorney when it comes out because TRUST ME it’s so good!! if you still have a 3DS you can get all the other games for cheap too when there’s sales, otherwise uh,,, e m u l a t e

-*Hades: I think pretty much everyone has seen at least the trailer for it, so I won't say much except it's a 10/10 game, it makes you go 😳😳😳😳everytime a character is introduced; another game where you play as an unstoppable bisexual

- Oxenfree: adventure game with multiple endings, ghosts, makes you sad but also happy! There’s some small jumpscares, but it’s not a horror game and more of a puzzle one

- The World Ends With You: played it the first time last summer, absolutely loved it - playing it on switch lite is a bit of an hassle tho, and the only reason I haven't played it again :') really loved the story and characters!!

- Grim Fandango: will gaia ever stop recommending old games she just randomly finds out about: no it’s basically a noir movie set IN THE LAND OF THE DEAD ok so gameplay wise i used a guide a lot, some stuff wasn’t very intuitive, but GOD THE ARTSTYLE IS SO GOOD, also it has a really fantastic humor!! I played it twice already, probably going to play it a third time too!! The main character is a manlet skeleton, this is extremely important

- Life is Strange: your actions have consequences, lesbians, crying

- Night in the Woods: ahaha nice jokes and artstyle > I don’t understand > I’m crying

- Dark Souls: ok so. it fucks but also I hate it. but also, itsbfbddfb man it’s cool. I only played the third one tho :°]

- Monster Prom: the only dating sim I care about

- Hatoful Boyfriend: I lied, this is the other dating sim I care about

- Da...dangan... hnnnnggh

- Abe’s New n’ Tasty: this is actually the platform game i was talking about in the other post! idk if the opening is creepy because I first watched it as a child or if it’s because it’s uh actually really dark, but anyway!! platform game that makes you bang your head against a wall, excellent character design, dedicated fart button

>Games that are only on Playstation section (sad)

- Persona 5 Royal: ryuji is in this game. P5 Strikers is also super fun, tho it has a different gameplay but I enjoyed it a lot! Ryuji is also in this game

- The Last of Us: I havent played the sequel so I can't speak about it, but the first one is still super good in terms of story and super fun to play imo

- Uncharted: ok so it may not be one of those games that make you sit and think abt the story, but it sure as hell is fun and the scenery is really pretty!!! Also the main menu theme is a banger, and the banter between the main characters is usually p funny (also found family trope my beloved)

>Free RPG horror games that I played ages ago and are still engraved in my brain: Ao Oni, Ib (personal fave), Mad Father, Misao (heavy content warning for this one, it’s really fucked up) you can find all of these here, except ao oni

[crumbsnailz]

Lost Witchling AU

|next post|

AU where at the age of 7, Amity ends up accidentally stumbling into the human world through a wayward portal. I just had to doodle this, I think it would be absolutely adorable! I'm also gonna share some ideas ;3

The reason Amity had gone through the portal in the first place is becuase she was playing hide and seek with her siblings. She ended up straying too far from home and ends up finding a long forgotten portal mirror in some abandoned ruins. Curious, she wanders over and accidentally trips, falling through it.

The portal spits her out in the human realm through the same little rickety shack that Luz had went through in the show.

7 year old Luz ended up finding Amity, who was scared and crying. (Luz wasn't supposed to even be in the woods, but that hadn't stopped her from going)

At first the two of them were kind of shocked; More so Amity becuase she saw Luz's ears and remembered the scary stories about humans her parents told her.

This made her start crying even harder.

Luz being her happy and kind self, was quick to try and soothe the crying witchling, telling her she wasn't gonna hurt her and asking what was wrong.

After a long time of trying to get Amity to calm down, the two of them started talking(Mainly Luz asking about her ears and a bunch of other stuff). Luz ended up inviting the girl to her house.

Luz ended up tripping and scraping her elbow, so Amity was quick to heal it; Which startled and excited Luz to no end.

The two girls had raced back to Luz's home; Amity trying to keep up with Luz.

Camilia was quite surprised when her daughter dragged another child into the house. Seeing the girl's ears concerned her.

Before Camilla spoke, Luz had immediately started joyfully explaining how Amity was her new friend and that she could do magic and wanted to show her mom.

Camilia was amused with her daughter's excitement and turned to the other girl to see(she expected some sort of childish antics, like a 'magic' trick or something).

Imagine Camilia's surprise when the young girl casted a light spell.

Big confusion and mega panicking. And lots of questions and pacing. And even more panicking.

After a long couple of hours, everything kinda settled down. Amity explained how she couldn't get home and such.

Camilia, despite still extremely put off and confused, had offered to let Amity stay with them until she found a way back. She couldn't leave this child to fend for herself on the streets.

Luz called it 'THE LONGEST SLEEPOVER EVER'.

After getting everything situated and forging quite a few papers to make it seem that Amity didn't just randomly appear out of nowhere, she was finally settled in.

Luz and Amity became fast friends, practically joined at the hip.

Most of the time Amity would try hiding her ears with a hat or her hair. If anyone asked they would just say it was a rare birth defect.

Camilia enrolled Amity into school with Luz after she got used to the human world.

Amity never ended up dying her hair.

Amity probably also slowly started picking up on Spanish in the Noceda household.

Other kids would sometimes bully the two girls for being weird, especially for Amity's ears.

This caused the two of them to get into a lot of fights with others, mainly to protect each other.

When the two of them were 14, Camilia had decided that the two of them would probably benefit from going to a summer camp, thinking that fresh air and being with nature would be good on their stress.

They didn't really like that idea. But they went along with it anyway.

The two of them were waiting at the bus stop when an owl had appeared out of nowhere and stole one of Luz's bags.

So they both ended up chasing the owl through the forest and to the old shack Amity had been found at 7 years prior.

They both got some uneasy vibes, but ended up going through the door anyway.

*let the demon realm confusion commence*

Oml this was so long to write, it's a lot. It took me like an hour and a half. I really hope y'all like this idea! If you beans do, I'll totally draw Amity's older self(Luz is basically the same in this AU). I'm definitely gonna post more writing and plot for this too. Y'all should stay tuned for plot writing when they get to the demon realm;))

If you beans want you can totally send me asks about this,, 🥺😳 I'd love to get questions for the AU

Hope y'all liked this!!

[warriorsbutnotreally]

Okay, so. Runeclan Starclan isn't like Canon Starclan. It's not filled with dead cats that we good enough to be there. It's filled with giant, towering cats with stars and galaxies in their pelts. These are the Watchers. Nine cats who control things. They never interact with any cats unless those cats are truly gifted. Leaders don't get extra lives here, they just get the star title. Only certain cats get more than one life and no one in Runeclan has gotten extra lives in thousands of years, much less special powers. The only cats who are "gifted" enough to even hear the voices of Watchers are healers and even then it's only a select few. The clan doesn't get prophecies left and right like in the books, they get them when Starclan thinks they deserve hints, which isn't very often, if not at all. Now, I know what you might be asking- where do the other cats go?

This is where the middle earth comes in. Other cats are basically ghosts. Wandering around, doing things they did in their old lives or even watching their families. When a cat dies, they wake up like nothing happened. They feel the same. The only difference is that they are dead. They can see their dead body, hear their loved ones crying for them. They can't speak or touch the living and the living can't see them. Unless, of course, you've gotten a gift. The cats still have scars and wounds like they did when died. If they died from sickness, they would continue to have a cough or any other symptoms. Their wounds don't bleed but it is extremely scary for the cat who sees them just walking around.

The Dark Forest is where horrible cats go. Cats who have upset the Watchers so bad that they are banished or even struck down by their overseers. These cats are as black as volcanic smoke with multiple limbs and bleeding red wounds. Their rules are much like the rules or the dead but they can't leave. They are shackled their, tied to the dark soil with chains of obsidian and hell fire. Here, the Dark Forest is called the Ebony Prison and though the cats trapped here can visit living cats dreams, the living cats cannot kill or touch a cat who resides here. They can change their form to look a little less threatening, mainly taken the shape of a loved one the cat longs to see, but it's only temporary and the Watchers will try everything in their power to help the living cat see them who they really are. Monsters.

Anyway, I hope this was interesting and that it isn't going to off the mark from the source material. Also I'm probably going to have the heiress be named Lightwater. She'll still have the tie to Starclan here and honestly it fits her. I'll go into more why she is tied to the Watchers later but for now, that is all.

I actually really love this???

you should be proud of your creativity with this afterlife you've created for your story!

it shouldn't matter if it goes off any mark so long as you're happy with it and honestly you should feel proud of the thought and care you put into this! It sounds so cool and I like that RuinClan has its own unique afterlife instead of having something too similar to canon.

[gencat21]

NCT - Him saying something hurtful to you and you get hurt afterward (2)

NCT Dream

Requested

RENJUN

"So, how do you say this?" he asked you again, and your mind went blank. You begged Renjun to teach you Chinese a while ago, but you had a tiny problem. For some reason, no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't understand. Being a foreigner learning Korean better but actually wanting to learn at least some basic Chinese was harder than expected. To the point where Renjun was getting frustrated. "You don't pay attention or something? Y/N, I've tried for months to teach you but you don't get anything. Are you dumb or something? Aish! I don't think I can do this anymore. I'm done." He stood up from the floor and went to the kitchen while Jisung just sat there looking at his Hyung, wondering why he exploded like that. His eyes went from the back of Renjun to you, who was still sitting on the floor but with eyes getting watery while you gathered all of your stuff slowly. Were you holding back your tears? He saw how you stood up and without saying anything, you left the dorm, but he couldn't forget the cast that you had taken off a day before, could you really stand up and leave quickly like that? "Hyung, " Jisung stood up from the couch he was on and went to the kitchen.

"Yes?"

"Hm… she just left." He said, somewhat nervous just in case Renjun wanted him to stop you.

"Without saying anything? What's gotten over her?"

"Hyung, you kind of… not kind of, you actually called her dumb. She seemed sad then she stood up and then left." Realization hits Renjun at that moment and remembered that the way he said you were dumb was hurtful. It was hard for you to learn Chinese when you weren't perfectly good at Korean either. He immediately left what he was doing at the kitchen to run after you.

His heart breaks at the sight of you right outside of the dorm door on the floor knowing that you didn't have to leave so quickly and tried to run when you actually couldn't.

"Y/N," his voice seemed sad as he crouched beside your crying figure. "Baby, let me help you up. You know your leg is not healed completely for you to be so harsh on it." His hand sweetly caressed your head.

"I'm just really dumb," you said, not lifting your eyes from your leg.

"No, you're not sweetie. The dumb here is me for even saying that to you. I'm really sorry." He carefully delivered his words making sure you can understand every word.

"You are dumb," for the first time you looked at his eyes ever since you fell on the floor.

"Forgive me?"

"I will think about it."

"Hot chocolate for my princess?"

"Sure."

JENO

He was going through something, but you didn't know what to do about that. All you wanted to do was help him overcome whatever he was going through, and instead, you were sitting in front of him drinking your ice coffee while staring at him and how he was looking outside with a straight face. No exchange of words, no exchange of looks, no eye smile he always has on no matter what. You were just there in silence thinking why he planned this date a week ago when he was just going to ignore you. "Can I ask what is going on inside your head?" You asked when you couldn't entertain yourself with your coffee since it was over.

"No, "

"Will, you ever tell me?"

"I don't think so, " he answered.

"You don't trust me?" You wondered, looking at him waiting for him to tell you, yes, instead he remained quiet and full of thought. That silence put pressure against your heart. Does that mean he doesn't trust you at all? After a year into the relationship? You got full of thought and just looked at his side face for a minute. His silence answered your question. And your heart broke. "I thought we were on the same page here but apparently we are not." A tear was begging to appear but you contained it by looking at the ceiling.

You were a sensitive girl you had to admit, but that occasion was just so painful for you for two reasons. Jeno didn't trust you, and when you stood up to leave you ended up crashing with a waiter that had a tray of hot coffee that found its way to fall on you. I repeat, hot coffees. You yell in pain when your chest and stomach started to burn in a way that you just broke down right there. The Jeno situation plus this was enough for you to let it all out.

Jeno looked at you as soon as you stood up and wanted to stop you but when the boy crashed onto you, he just didn't know what to say or do. "Babe, I—” he started to say but you already left the coffee shop and he wanted to punch himself for that. The truth was that he was jealous of Jaemin because ever since you met Jeno there has been this bond between Jaemin and you, like sister and brother, no feelings involved. And you have gotten mad about it because you felt like he didn't trust you enough when you said you were friends.

That's why it hurt your feelings when he didn't answer. You thought that was left in the past, you thought he had grown out of it. You were wrong.

Obviously, he ran after you, thinking about taking you to the hospital but you ignored him completely. You wanted to go home and nowhere else, and not being near him. " Where are you going?"

"Home, can't you see." You said, trying to stop crying even thought your chest and stomach were in pain.

"We should go to the hospital."

"My mom will treat me this," you said and continued to ignore him until you got home and left him behind. He called you that night, and the night before not being able to see you due to busy schedule, or so he said. Three days later he was on your bedroom door, with no eye smile.

"Can we talk?" Your eyes stared at his figure on your door, wanting to say yes but not wanting to open your mouth at all. "I was… jealous of Jaemin again. I saw he texted you when you went to look for our coffee and couldn't help but to feel jealous. I couldn't tell you because you were going to get mad at me again but I just can't hide my feelings and I'm sorry.” he said while you listened, getting upset about the " Jaemin" thing again.

"So… either way you don't trust me. I understand—" he cut you off mid-sentence, seeing Jeno get m frustrated for the first time in your life. "No, I do trust you! But even though he is one of my best friends I can't help but feel like he will steal you away from me. He could if he wanted, and that's scary." Instead of being mad at him, that disappeared and you felt sad.

"Babe… he will never.”

" I'm sorry.”

"Say sorry by asking my mom for that cream she put on me for the burn that practically was your fault.” you laughed a little so he could stop being so tense. Guess that was not going to happen, because the other concern was your stomach. It really got burned. Anyone could see the mark it was about to leave.

DONGHYUCK

You were getting pissed. You couldn't control it. He was joking trying to bother you so much today that your patience was running out. He knew you were hard to tease, and he decided that today was the day that he was going to tease you for the first time and do anything that would get you annoyed. At first, it was all fun, but it was getting to a point that you just wanted to run away after punching him in his extremely handsome face. "DONGHYUK, JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE ALREADY." he was startled by you suddenly screaming his name instead of Baby, and then smiled because he got what he wanted. "are you mad?" He asked you. "I came to spend the day with you and you've been bothering me all day and joking around, can't you be a little more mature?" You lowered your voice but still raised your voice to let out all the frustration you had been locking up the whole day. His face was not playful anymore, in fact, he was getting a little mad as well

"Can't you fucking be a little less boring? When we got together I understood you were more of a serious girl but you're just boring."

"Sure, whatever." You said, totally hiding the fact that he saying you were boring was not hurtful at all. "There's no point in being together don't you think? I will just be annoying you by how boring I am, let's you leave this right here." You said, starting to look for the few things you had outside of your bad like your keys, phone, and wallet.

He stood behind you watching what you were doing not getting in his head that you were getting ready to leave on the only day you had to see each other for more than an hour. "That's not what I meant." Until he saw you grabbing your bag and walking straight to the door and started panicking.

"No, that's what you meant. I'm not stupid, I heard you." In a flash you opened the door and closed it, ignoring him calling out your name. You just continued walking through the people, not caring about him not being behind you or anything. You still had in your mind that there was no point to be with someone that you will never make happy no matter what. Or at least for a couple of minutes. Until you remembered how he said that you were boring. "I am really that boring?" You asked your self, completely lost in thought until you heard people yelling at someone to get out of the way. And realizing that that person was you but not being able to do anything because it was already too late was the worst part. Hopefully, the person driving the car stopped before he could hit you in a way that you would just have died. Instead, it touched you. You fell to the ground anyway and felt pain on your right leg. The lady got out of the car immediately and ran to you say how sorry she was and you almost could see her eyes getting full of tears. "It was my fault, I didn't pay attention to where I was going. I'm sorry."

Haechan was going to run after you but he got the most unnecessary call from his manager that he ended up hanging up, but when he got out of the dorm there was no sign of you. How he was so stupid to answer that call at that moment. He just started running in a direction while calling you to your phone to find out where you were. Did you just break up with him? Was it over for you two already? No way. He regretted his words because you weren't boring at all, but there was no way to tell you that since he lost you. A few minutes after his heart stopped when he heard people screaming at someone to stop or to be careful. He wished that person it wasn't you. But he heard your voice screaming for a few seconds due to pain. There was a mini crowd of people in the sidewalk in which he pushed around until he saw you being carried by two men that were helping a lady getting you inside her car. His heart broke when he saw a few tears rolling down your cheeks.

"Y/N!" You heard him and couldn't help but to roll your eyes while you were being placed inside the car "I'm her boyfriend can I go with you?" He said to the lady totally desperate, and the lady felt pity for him so she said yes and he sat beside you in the backs it without touching your leg. You avoided his eyes at all cost but you knew he was glancing at you with the puppy eyes you loved and hated at the same time. "You're not boring, " he broke the silence. "Whatever, " still avoiding his eyes. "Stop looking at me, "

"No, you're gorgeous."

"I hate you, "

"And I love you so forgive me, "

"Whatever, " you said but finally looked at him and laughed a little, seeing him feeling relieved.

JAEMIN

"Can't understand how you got to debut." His voice was audible as soon as the music on your phone stopped. You turn around to see him standing on the door arms crossed, and you can't help but look somewhere else to hide the fact that those words were actually hurtful. But you couldn't show him that to him, right? "Look who's talking," you didn't know where the strength to respond back came from. "There were actually a lot of other girls that could have debuted in your place, guess they wasted the spot completely." You laugh ironically, knowing that it was true. You spent hours and hours practicing you singing and dancing because you knew you were there for your looks. But looks don't give you talent. No matter how beautiful you are, you have to work hard to get the skills you lack, and that's what you were doing for longer than your schedule had planned for you. In that case, hearing say something you already knew was hurtful, and more when you knew what he was doing there. "It's enough, Jaemin."

"Don't like the truth?"

"Stop,"

"Can't hear fac—"

"Just because you're in love with me and we cant be with each other doesn't mean you have hurtful towards me. You're not the only one that got a broken heart so please leave so I can fucking practice." And without another word you olay the song again and start to practice harder. Three hours later, you let yourself fall on the floor panting hard, feeling how every single muscle from your body was hard to move. You couldn't. The tiredness was extreme, and you couldn't remember if you had taken water while sweating for all that time. Did you have lunch? You can't remember. Your eyes were barely able to look at the ceiling due to the lights hurting your eyes. And slowly your eyes get closed until you lost consciousness of your surroundings.

He couldn't really focus on the recording they were doing, his mind only was thinking about you and how he really got over the line while trying to push you away and forget about how much he liked you. As soon as he finished, he went back to the dance room where he saw you lying on the floor with your eyes closed, and panicked washed all of his face. He quickly threw himself on the floor beside you and held your face while calling your name softly. For his luck, they opened. But they looked so tired that he regretted more than ever saying that before.

"Are you okay? Did you faint? I'm sorry. For what I said, this is just difficult for me. I can't control my words lately and… "

"Everything was dizzy," you ignored the other things he said after you promised yourself not to talk about what you two went through a little while ago. " I was really dizzy. So I laid down and next thing I know you're grabbing my face like this." He noticed he was holding your face with both hands, but doesn't think about taking them away. He did not want to.

"Do you want something? Anything I can get from you?" He was nervous to see you so worn out. after all. He liked you.

"Just call my manager, tell her to please take me home. Even though I'm not supposed to be here right now."

"Anything else?" He nods and shifts his eyes all over your face, remembering why he loved it so much.

"And stop talking with me… we can't be doing this and you know it."

"I know,"

CHENLE

Your eyes were fixed on the broken piece on the floor, not believe what happened. You didn't want to stumble and end up breaking something that looked so expensive. It was a simple vase, but it looked like it was worth more than your entire life and you wanted nothing more than disappear in the thin air. As soon as Chenle heard the loud sound of glass breaking, he ran outside his house. You were supposed to just go for a glass of water, nothing else. Your heart was beating fast, and tears started to roll down your cheeks and when you saw Chenle with his mouth wide open. "I'm sorry It was not my intention to break this I—”

" What did you just do?" He yelled at your figure crouched on the floor.

“I—it was no—” you wanted to say in between sobs, but he was not listening to you. All he could hear was his parents scolding him for breaking that.

"You just went for water, you can't even do that right?” his words echoed inside your head, and it just felt like a vivid Deja Vu. It wasn't, but the words were similar to your parents telling you that all the time. You had found comfort when Chenle appeared in your life as the first person that was proud of you for anything that you had put your effort into. And then he left you alone like your parents have done your entire life. The tears didn't stop falling even if you tried to calm yourself down. You opted for at least pile all the pieces of glasses together while thinking about looking for broom at least. But you didn't know if he wanted you to throw it away or leave there. Either way, you piled them. "Ah, ” you whined when you felt a piece of glass piercing your hand. " everyone is right, I can't do anything right.” you decided to ignore it and finish to pile it up until you see that the cut in your hand was bleeding more than normal. In the end, it wasn't that deep, but it was bleeding a lot. You thanked God that the floor was not covered by a carpet, because it was dripping. "Aish, " you said a little bit loud for your liking and tried to cover your hand from dripping more with your other hand while ran you went to the bathroom. Chenle was looking for a broom to clean the mess you did while frowning and thinking what his parents were going to do and pissed with you for causing him trouble, obviously until he saw the blood on the floor, and knowing that it wasn't his he panicked.

There was something that worried him more than his parents taking off all his privileges and scolding him, and it was seeing you hurt and crying in the bathroom. He saw how you had your hand close to your eyes so you could see if there was a piece of glass, and then putting pressure on it so It could stop bleeding. The anger was forgotten at that point, and then he regretted yelling at you. Just seeing you so broken was enough to do that. He silently walked to you and carefully grabbed your wrist to take a look at the cut.

He pulled you to the toilet and sat you there while looking everywhere in the bathroom for the first aid kit. He crouched in front of you and with a cotton he started to clean your wound as carefully as he could, and from time to his eyes went to your face. Your look was lowered, and the almost dry tears were visible to him.

You wanted to speak but knew that saying sorry was not fixing the expensive vase. "It's okay, ” he said sweetly. " my parents have enough money to buy 10 of the same vase. They should just do that." He tried to joke, but your expression was the same. You felt sorry and there was anything that could be done. you couldn't pay it back. "Look at me, " he ordered, still sweet. You did so. "It's okay, "

"Your words said a different thing earlier."

"But they were not true, I was shocked."

"I'm sorry." You felt your tears watering again.

"Give me a kiss and it will be good, okay?" You smiled at his cheesiness.

JISUNG

"Leave me alone, Jisung." You said as you walked quickly through the hall with your books in hand. You were going to be late for your other class since someone wanted to pester you and finding a reason to stand in your way. You couldn't say be was bullying you, he just liked to bother you and make you pissed for no reason, and you hated him for that. Even though he was the cutest boy you've ever met. At some point, you thought he liked you the same way you liked him, you how they say that if a boy bothers you it means that he likes you. He bothered you but made clear he would like anyone but you. It was hurtful at first, but you got over that. "Why should I?

" Gosh, you need me at school if not you would have nothing else to do, right?" You stopped abruptly and he did the same, following you with a cheeky smile. "Don't flatter yourself, Y/N. You could disappear and no one will notice. Or at least I wouldn't." Your heart skipped a beat, and not for a good reason. You have thought that before, but hearing a person actually saying that to you struck your heart so suddenly that all you could do was look somewhere else and continue walking.

Next day you didn't show up at school, and his lie fell right down on him. When he walked through the hallway and didn't see your figure in your locker, he frowned and asked himself why you weren't there. He knew you had math first period and walked past the classroom but didn't see you there. And for some reason, he started to worry.

At recess, he saw your group of friends at their table and decided to go and ask. "Excuse me, I'm sorry for interrupting but do you know where's Y/N?" They all looked at each other with a worried look, remembering why you were at school today.

"She's in the hospital."

His world crashed down. Or at least that's what he felt. "Why?"

"We don't know yet, her mother just told us that."

After that, he was anxious all day. The hours were slow, each period seeming longer than they have ever been, and when the last class ended, his body jumped from his seat and the first person to leave school was him.

You opened your eyes to see the doctor beside you writing something while speaking to your mom at the same time. "She must wake up anytime so— oh, look who's awake."

"Sweetie, my love, " your mom called your name. "What have I told you about skipping meals? You should eat more, and sleep more, and do what humans beings need to survive

"I forget, " you said as you could, and smiled when your mom kissed your forehead. The doctor helped you sit down on the bed and gave you a glass of water.

"Also, why you never told me you had a boyfriend? I thought you trusted me."

"I don't have one, mom."

"Then who's the nervous boy sitting outside? He's genuinely worried about you." You got more confused as she was talking. What boy? "I will let him in, he's really cute. You would look good together." She started to go to the door, told the boy to enter and just left. "Who is the mother here, her or is it me?" You were saying until his face appeared in sight. "Wh—what are you doing here?"

"You weren't at school." He seemed hesitant. He was standing in the door and didn't know what to do or say. Until he finally got the courage to walk slowly to you, who was still confused." How are you feeling?"

"What do you want, Jisung? Weren't you the one that told me that if I disappear you wouldn't even notice?"

"Don't disappear." He said to the speed of light, so fast that you were shocked. "Never."

"Do you need someone to bother so bad? Get a girlfriend, you're already annoying anyway."

"It's true. I would bother you if you were my girlfriend anyway."

"What do you mean?"

"That I like you. And that somebody needs to check that you are eating well all the time." You've never hard him be this straight forward for all your high school years. He bothered you, and most off the time it was silently. Now that he was saying that to you, you didn't know what to do more than just stare at his eyes, figuring out if it was a joke. But he would travel from school to here just for a simple stupid joke. "I know I've gotten you to hate me all these years but it's because I never had the nerves to tell you that. But you had to get me all anxious and worried for me to actually tell you. And I realized that I have try my best to win your heart."

"It will not be that hard, actually." You murmured.

"What do you mean?"

"Let's see what happens."

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

[justtogetthrough]

Comparably speaking, my experience of that derecho was far less traumatizing than for other people in town. I missed the storm itself because I was out east - I left my house around 11:30 am and the storm hit between 1:00 and 3 it looks like. I came home at 11:30 pm to a power outage that was extremely unnerving because I'd never seen even the street lights turn off, rather than blink. I was on a very familiar road and had no idea where I was in the pitch black. For 40 mins outside of town it was a dark wasteland. I had seen photos that afternoon of whole mature trees on their sides and in houses and all sorts of damage. In the darkness I increasingly worried whether any of the mature trees around my property had fallen through my house and if my cats had escaped. I got home and they were shaken. I realized that without power they had been without water for 10 hours because I only use an electric fountain. Neither of my cell phones were working. My work cell had reception sometimes so I was able to text my friend that I made it home but that my town was apocalyptic and idk what was next. Neither cell phone had much of a charge and both were basically bricked due to no wifi and no cell service, because that's how apps are in 2022. I don't have lanterns so needed my phones for flashlights. I tried to slow charge them from my computers figuring they didn't need the power anyway, but the charge was so slow it was absolutely pointless.

I slept from 1 am to 10 am. I had thought the power would return by then. I had maybe 10 minutes of cell service? Enough for 2 messages to come through and get my hopes up. Then it was back to no power, no internet, no data. Could not even look up how long food in a fridge lasts without power. My cat was going ballistic because I wasn't feeding her but I didn't want to open the fridge just in case and it was heart breaking. My entire town was shut town so I would have had to pick a direction and drive to a differwnt town that hopefully had power to pick up some ice and food. I only have a tiny cooler. I only had 1/3 tank of gas after driving home from 1.5 hours away yesterday. The village I usually stop for gas in was the first place to be engulfed in darkness and it set off my feelings of, everything is scary. So i spent 3 hours on Sunday wondering what the fuck to do, having zero communication with the world to find out where I could get necessities, or even any way to entertain myself. I was just in shut down. Feeling lost and unprepared and uncertain.

But that was only for 3 hours. Then my power got restored, and a few hours after that my cell service came back, and shortly after my wifi returned. By Sunday night I was gaming with my friends again.

Huge swathes of my city still don't have power and we're 3 days out. Streets one over from me still don't have power. My therapist doesn't have power so today got canceled. I had to throw out all the perishables from my fridge, but my freezer is fine because I got power back in 24 hours. I had dinner at my friend's house Saturday and on Sunday morning just snacked, and by the afternoon could cook pantry stuff.

I got off really easy here - I missed the storm itself which looks like I would have spent it crying and having a panic attack it was so severe, but I was 1.5 hours away for it - out east it was only rain and sleet. I was really only home and awake for 4 hours of being totally off the grid. I am surrounded by people whose houses and cars and yards got damaged, who still don't have power, who lost the entire contents of their fridges and have to sanitize the entire thing now, who haven't been able to have a warm shower.

And yet, I'm sitting here with my life basically back to normal still physically experiencing shock and fear and total shut down. It feels like early COVID all over again where social media just causes alarm because i keep seeing people offering food and showers and I'm like, when I had no cell service I couldn't access fb to look for things like that. I had no way to reach out to friends to ask for help. It was terrifying and it was only for a few hours but I'm still fucked up about it and I feel guilty when other people are actually still suffering.

My body is in neverending crisis and it doesn't bounce back from the lightest of things. I feel like this environmental disaster should be barely affecting me but I feel paralyzed still. I don't feel okay. My body is so dysregulated and idk how to recover from feeling so alone and scared, even though I am safe now.