#but america is so weird lmao

[nolongerexistingsadcatface]

Ok yes America hating the cold is funny (eh) BUT. have you considered that I like the imagery of an America sitting alone in the forest in the bleak mid-winter landscape of an east coast woods, all alone in both body and mind, agonizing over her seeming doom to be stuck in the throes of loneliness for all eternity?

[cubistemoji]

god I get so fucking sad every time I remember homosexuality was so common and accepted in medieval russia foreign visitors to Muscovy were taken aback by how much gay affection they saw and nowadays you get arrested for that in Moscow. we could've had it alllllllll

[amee-racle-ofmyown]

the heist!mark brainrot is consuming me…, just imagine mark n the viewer meeting for the first time as little kids to shoplift candy or smth together ╥﹏╥

the (brain)rot consumes!! I can relate

my dear anon... LISTEN. I am a big advocate for childhood friends captaineer, it's one of my favourite headcanons, but a childhood friends AU for the heist partners? that's something I hadn't considered until now. and it's adorable. I had to write something for it asap because I was INSPIRED. I hope you enjoy💖 thanks for sparking the idea!

Heist!Mark x reader (not explicitly romantic at all it's more about the friendship in this one) | Words: 1,317

You are in the kitchen of your shared home base, unloading the groceries your heist partner has just bought, when you pick up a bag of sour candies, smiling quietly to yourself. He's always been a fan of them.

Turning the packet in your hands, an old memory drifts to the surface of your mind:

You don't remember exactly how long ago it was, but you couldn't have been much older than maybe ten.

Your father was busy working, and had reluctantly sent you to the store with a small list after you insisted you could handle it on your own.

You slipped the folded piece of paper out of your school bag and scanned the list of items. At the bottom was a note that read, ‘Remember to stay hydrated, kiddo! :)’

You walked around the supermarket collecting the few things on your list and placed them in your trolley. On your way to the checkout, you passed through the candy aisle and slowed to eye the products on display.

‘Aren't you going to get anything?’

Your head perked up, shocked at the sudden voice addressing you.

There was a boy next to you with dark hair, looking at you inquisitively. He seemed to be about your age. He might have even been slightly shorter than you.

You must have been standing here for longer than you realised if it had prompted him to ask you about it.

You shook your head.

‘Why not?’

‘Oh, um. My dad only gave me enough money for what we need,’ you said timidly, showing him the list.

‘Ohh, that's too bad.’ Then, a small yet undeniably mischievous smile appeared on his face. He glanced discreetly up and down the aisle. ‘You know you can just — ’ and he took one of the small packets of candy off the shelf and slipped it swiftly into his pocket.

Your eyes went wide, stunned. Both from the fact that he was suggesting you steal, and at the speed and subtly with which he'd enacted the crime, as if he'd done it dozens of times before, if not more.

‘What are you doing?’ you spoke in a harsh whisper.

‘It's no big deal,’ he said in a lower voice than before, but one that still felt entirely too loud. He slipped another bag into his pocket.

You did not want to associate with this boy any longer.

You pushed your trolley away and towards the checkout, handing your items to the cashier.

You were unhappy to find the boy waiting for you when you exited the store, shopping bag in your hand.

‘What do you want?’ you asked, a little standoffishly, frowning at him.

‘There's no need to be rude,’ he said with a small pout. ‘Y'know, I think I might have seen you at school a few times.’

To your dismay, he followed along as you started walking home. When you pressed him, he simply said, ‘Hey, I'm not following you! I live down this way too, I promise!’

As the two of you walked, he chatted annoyingly by your side. What was more annoying was that you found you didn't mind his presence. You were a quiet kid and you didn't have many friends. Having someone to walk home with you was kind of a nice change of pace.

Just as you thought this, though, you immediately chided yourself mentally. You and him were not friends. You weren't going to be friends. This boy was a criminal and he wasn't even sorry about it.

You frowned in thought.

Oh no, what if he got caught? What if you went to juvenile jail for being an accomplice to theft? What would Dad say? What would Mom say? What if—’

‘Hey, are you listening to me? You haven't responded to anything I'm saying.’

You simply sighed as he pulled you out of your thoughts.

‘Are you still mad about the candy? I told you it's not a big deal.’

You stopped as you realised you were approaching your front door. The journey seemed to have gone a little faster than usual.

‘Really?’ you finally replied in an exasperated tone. ‘That was no big deal for you? That was stealing. Stealing is wrong.’ You couldn't believe you had to spell it out to him.

‘They won't notice a couple tiny bags of candy are gone. My mom says big companies that own supermarkets are greedy. They make loads of money anyway and don't pay enough taxes.’

‘Does your mom know you're a thief?’

‘W- well, no, but-’

‘That’s what I thought.’

He looked a little disheartened.

‘Please don't tell anyone. I'm sorry if I upset you,’ he said quietly, looking down.

You hadn't really expected an apology from someone like him. You sighed again.

‘I won't tell, but don't expect me to just go along with it. And don't act like we're best buds all of a sudden. We don't know each other. You don't even know my name!’

‘Well, what's your name?’

You gave him a slightly surprised look before telling him your name, albeit hesitantly.

‘Look, I have to get going now…’

You fumbled with the shopping bag as you reached into your coat pocket, feeling for the house key, when you suddenly felt something that wasn't there before. It made a crinkling sound beneath your touch.

‘You didn't.’ You pulled the candy out of your pocket. ‘When did you—?’

The boy grinned at you.

‘I thought you could have one of mine.’

‘I don't want your stolen candy!’

‘Judging by how you looked at it earlier, I think you do. And besides, stolen treats taste better!’ he called out, already walking away.

‘Wh- SHH!’ You hoped none of your neighbours had heard.

‘I'm Mark by the way! See ya, buddy!’

You stood outside the front door, dumbfounded.

Finally you let yourself in. Your dad wouldn't be home yet for a while.

You put the shopping away and sat down at your kitchen table, staring at the stolen goods in front of you.

You could try to put it back but… that would be more suspicious.

You figured, the deed had been done. There was nothing you could do now, so you may as well make the most of it.

You tore the edge of the packet and popped one of the candies in your mouth, savouring the sweet and sour combination on your tongue.

Maybe Mark was right. It did taste extra good. But maybe it was just because you'd been craving it.

What a weird kid.

‘Stealing is wrong, huh…?’ you mumble under your breath. You look down at the candy in your hands. It's not the same brand as the one from back then, but you imagine it tastes more or less the same, from what you remember.

Present day Mark is the one to pull you out of your musings.

‘Hey, what's with that face you're making? I know that look, buddy. Are you contemplating your life choices??’

You chuckle softly.

‘Just… got reminded of something. I suppose I got lost in nostalgia for a moment.’

‘Oh yeah? Penny for your thoughts?’

You turn and smile at him.

‘This just made me think of an annoying little boy stealing candy from a supermarket. And his reluctant acquaintance who ended up getting dragged into his antics for the foreseeable future.’

It takes a second for it to click.

‘Ohhhhh.’ You watch as realisation turns to him smiling fondly at the memories, which turns to him snapping his attention to you with a fake-offended look.

You laugh at his expression.

‘Wait, hey! Annoying?!’

‘Mhm.’

‘Excuse you, I was a wonderful, sweet and positively charming child.’

Your laughter rings out in the kitchen, full of mirth, and he shakes his head at you with a familiar lopsided grin, and you are so grateful for the cheeky little boy who approached you that day.

[moonstandardtime]

i like to imagine that all my chatfics are in the same extended universe. what this implies im not sure

[grapecaseschoices]

for some reason i always forget that kendis' highest trait is stubborn. it's funny bc that's the way i'd describe them. but whenever i look at the stats i always forget to look at the blue ones, so i'm like okay 'friendly' AND THEN 'impulsive' ... sure that tracks ....

until the gianormous blue bar catches my focus

[twistedappletree]

every time i go to an EDM festival i’m appalled by how many people just walk around in public carrying their tickets days before the festival even starts?? EDC especially like there’s people all over the strip just waltzing around with their ENTIRE pre-ordered wristband STILL IN THE COLLECTORS BOX almost as if they’re flaunting it????

it’s like yall want to get robbed 😭💀

[kylos-starlight]

NO WAIT I ACTUALLY FUCKING FOUND ONE!?!?1 WHAT THE FUCKCKKK

/HJ

But I really do love the sound of his lightsaberrrr AAAHHHHH!!!! \O/

ITS NOT 10 HOURS BUT I'LL FUCKING TAKE IT OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

[shikai-the-storyteller]

I finally watched the Transformers One trailer and was startled by the voices, the buddy cop-esque feel to it, and the fact that the target audience age is clearly significantly lower than I expected, but Bayverse bent over backwards trying to be as ~serious~ and boring and edgy as possible for 50 movies in a row, so you know what? I welcome the silliness with open-arms.

(Also I DID scream when the Quintessons showed up because HOLY CRAP—)

[horrorvampirebatbite]

whatever happens with ghost i hope tobias stops writing about american politics its just annoying. i can enjoy the songs regardless they arent that bad, twenties is a bit.. much but i didnt listen to it often anyway. the only time i clapped and cheered was when the jesus he knows me video came out last year and the guy handed a wire hanger to some woman

[comradecowplant]

so things are not going well with my new elderly socdem friend unfortunately.

[oculusxcaro]

-gives u a grimace milkshake-

"Ahh, no thanks, ummm..." Khare's rambling trails off as the cup is shoved into her hands, feeling delightfully cool to the touch. Her nose wrinkles a little, both at the incredibly sweet aroma emanating through the plastic top and that it was given to her by a complete stranger. Thoughts of drugging immediately runs through her mind, of falling asleep only to wake up strapped to a chair, inside a cell but... nobody would be so stupid as to attempt such a thing in public, right? She looks down at the shake in her hands. She's heard people raving about this, the unnaturally purple liquid topped with a frothy layer of cream. She hadn't much time to get used to the sweetness of things in America before... everything, and had no idea what it was even meant to taste like other than being, well... sweet. Well, here goes nothing. Khare cautiously uncaps the shake, a blob of cream catching on her fingers while doing so. She tries that first and it's... almost synthetic, if that was a word. There was barely a hint of cream, not like the shakes at Pauli's. The purple liquid similarly tastes of disappointment, her tastebuds scratching as though trying to deduce a flavour in the same manner that drunk blind men would argue about the colour of the sunset. Either way it made her lips pucker, whatever taste there was cloying unpleasantly upon her tongue.

"Yeah no, that's gonna be a miss from me. Maybe next time."

[mihai-florescu]

Some random person could say "i wish the internet wasnt so US centric because i now know against my will about laws in Nevada that will literally never be relevant to me" and a usamerican will reply with "but you know american politics affect the entire world so we Have to be the center of everything" my brother in christ the only reason youre relevant is cuz you started shit in half the countries on this planet...

[vogelmeister]

love it when im writing and i write a sentence and afterwards I whisper “famous last words”

[echidnana]

honestly. if u read rmd and don't see how the story is a colonial narrative. that's a u problem

[memingursa]

Hi There! I am a fully cis man. However I am disgusted by the treatment of transfem users on this website. So, I emailed some press about just my recent issues I’ve personally noticed and support emails documented, and Guess what, you can too!

Yeah, you can do that! If you are a trans person you can say “Hey, this shit is going on.” And if you have enough documentation, they will notice and say Hey, that’s weird? Here’s some now

Media Matters: A left leaning publication

email action@mediamatters.org or call 202.756.4100.

Glaad: A LGBT advocacy organization that you can contact using this page for more suggestions

Vox, a general left leaning site they ain’t perfect but hey:

Fuck it, CNN!

If you are a trans user on this website with documented support emails with Tumblr’s behavior or can personally attest to how staff treated you? send out information let them know what is going on, and please find other websites that you get your news from to let them know! If i’m nuked? Lmao.