#but also this is in consideration to straight folks

[agdab]

i love the sheer Insanity that is tiktok bc now the newest thing going around is that men only marry women who a) come round at the "right time" and b) the convenience of their proximity. aka saying men dont marry women out of love at all

[iammatthewfritz]

I find the basketball scene in 7x04 Buck, Bothered, and Bewildered to be quite funny as someone who has played basketball for 10+ years.

The main thing I find funny is, why are Eddie and Buck guarding each other?

Not only is Buck a little bit taller than Eddie, he’s also quite a bit more built than his best friend. Eddie, if we take into consideration Buck’s “you’re the fastest runner” line and that he must of been playing for years as he’s been asking Buck to join him to this basketball pickup game since he’s moved to LA, would be quite a scrappy player with experience. Meaning he would be quite difficult to guard. As with Buck having enough distaste for basketball, and doesn’t play at all means his skills are low.

Not to mention with Buck’s built and height, he should be playing post (down by the hoop), not point guard (bringing the ball up and demanding the offensive moves for the team). Whereas Eddie would be more of your point guard/guard player.

Usually before the ball is in play, teams will discuss quickly who they are guarding so no player is left open for easy basket on the first play. This will lead to guards usually choosing another guard player to guard and post players will guard a post player.

Making this clip pretty interesting because why is Buck, an inexperienced player, bringing the ball up (yes I know it’s a silly little pickup game but usually sports players are a competitive bunch 9 times out of 10) and trying to maneuver the ball with a behind the back move?? And Eddie just swoops in with easy because oh, I don’t know… he’s actually good at basketball and his ball handing skills. (Stop with you dirty thoughts folks)

If anything, Buck and Tommy should be guarding each other as they match up in built and height. Making them an equal match up… but they aren’t?

Which leads me to think…

What if as the new subs are brought in during the time out (Chimney and Buck), Eddie was like “Aye I got Buck!” immediately, and no one fought him for it.

There isn’t even a single scene where they are being guard by anybody else. Even after Buck gets screened by Tommy, he still caught up the slack to continue to guard Eddie instead of the smart decision of switching players with whoever was guarding Tommy.

But those two just need to be together even if it’s playing opposite of another. Getting all sweaty and up close with each other- don’t get me started on if we got a boxing out scene (which is when you use your butt and push it into you opponents front as you continue to push them backwards for a better shot at retrieving the ball after a miss shot).

All in all,

Edmundo “Eddie” Diaz really wanted to guard his best friend Evan “Buck” Buckley which is the gayest thing a “straight” guy could do.

[foldingfittedsheets]

so I've been following along with the mattress questions because my mattress is just about exactly 10 years old and sags SO BAD. It's deeply, deeply uncomfortable and all the things you've been saying to look for to replace, it has. I've already decided that when I start getting my paychecks this fall, the first thing I'm buying is a new mattress.

Are there any brands that sell $800-$1000 queen beds that you'd recommend? I get so overwhelmed with choice, so names to at least check out at the store would be useful.

Also, is it better to get a mattress topper earlier rather than later? Or should you wait until you notice problems with it to shell out for one?

(thank you so much, I had just resigned myself to sleeping bad forever, but this series of answers reminded me that I'm an Adult with Adult Money and can (eventually) buy myself a new one. and as I buy the new one, I WILL be buying a couple protectors)

Hmmnnngh. Okay. So here’s the thing. There’s a lot of really good queens in that price range. But taking a recommendation usually supersedes personal comfort, which is why almost all of these asks I deal in generalities rather than specifics. Also because bed names vary by retailer to be confusing because why not.

Just because I think a bed feels good doesn’t mean someone else won’t like something better, and I’ve seen a ton of folks who buy the bed a friend recommends even though their comfort is different. They return it later. So I am going to name names, but it’s very important that you take into consideration how the bed feels not just that I said it’s a good brand. We straight up don’t tell people what we sleep on for this reason because people will just buy that one assuming it’s the best.

Sealy, Serta, and Simmons all make great beds around that price point that I’ve had personal experience with. But as scary as it is the best thing to do is go into a store. The person is there to guide you around. You don’t need encyclopedic knowledge of beds, because it’s all about first how it feels to you. Their job is to help you navigate the showroom from there.

My personal process and what’s still taught in my company is to determine the comfort that fits you, then look at different styles in that comfort. Most folks are a medium-plush if you’re a side sleeper never go firm, ever, for real. Once you know how soft you like it you can compare A-B style between innerspring, hybrid, and foam.

Most people will have a strong preference for one of the three, and you won’t know before trying. Then you can narrow down from there. There’s probably only like six maybe seven beds you need to lay on to find the one!

Regarding the topper: no. Get a bed you like out the gate. When it sags, get a new bed. The ONLY time you will need a topper is if your bed is too hard on shoulders and hips and ideally you’re not buying that because you’ve just bought a super comfy amazing new mattress that’s perfect as is.

You need a thin waterproof protector and sheets and that’s it. Anytime you’re adding stuff like a topper or an extra pillow something is failing you and should get kicked to the curb.

[imperator-titus]

Favorite Party Banter [Druid Edition]

[Astarion (Ascended)] [Halsin/Jaheira] [Gale] [Karlach] [Lae'zel] [Minsc] [Minthara] [Shadowheart] [Wyll]

I often miss party banter because of party comp (and sometimes just straight up can't hear??) so here's a collection of my favorite bants while going through dialogue files. I know the wiki has the banter (most? all?) but I added the file names and dev notes.

Either Jaheira or Halsin is the main speaker/subject or I think their reaction is good shit.

Not in any particular order.

[PB_Astarion_Jaheira_OskarsBeloved]

Astarion: Cazador always warned us to stay clear of this neighbourhood. Never said why, though.

Jaheira: The last spawn who tried was sunk into the cobblestones and left for the sun to find. I had an unfortunate taste for theatrics, in my youth. {Devnote: A little abashed, but shrugging it off}

Astarion: Ah. Yes, that was probably it.

[PB_Halsin_Jaheira_Park]

Halsin: Ah, a glimpse of nature. Like a sip of water to parched lips, eh, Jaheira? {Devnote: content}

Jaheira: Baldurians think all druids to be hay-haired idlers, Halsin. Perhaps we ought not speak of nature - but high art, or politics? {Devnote: ‘change the record, all these city folk think we’re hippies as it is’ A little tongue in cheek, she agrees with him entirely}

Halsin: I think on them also. But nothing matches the splendour of an ancient tree. {Devnote: Unfazed}

Jaheira: It is so. And, should one favour bear-form, that tree in particular makes for excellent back-scratching… {Devnote: Idle, teasing - offering a direct tip to Halsin under the guise of a hypothetical}

[PB_Shadowheart_Halsin_ROM_Act3]

Shadowheart: Halsin, if I were a druid, what animal do you think I’d be? {Devnote: Idle banter, either Loyal/Reject Shar arc}

Halsin: Given your memory issues, perhaps a goldfish? {Devnote: Gently teasing}

Shadowheart: I’d hoped for something a bit more exotic… but would you carry around my fish bowl, feed me flakes of food?

Halsin: Only the finest, of course.

[PB_Laezel_Halsin_Act3_ROM_001]

Lae’zel: You’ve quite the appetite, Halsin. I’d wager you’ve bedded more of your foes than you’ve felled.

Halsin: Hmm. A challenging sum. The chimera has three heads… but does it still count as one? {Devnote: Not offended, thinking back}

Lae’zel: Must have been a challenging kill.

Halsin: Kill… yes. {Devnote: ‘Yep, that’s definitely what I mean.’}

[PB_Halsin_Shadowheart_SteelWatchFoundry]

Halsin: The birthing ground of those steel monstrosities. I would feel little sorrow if this place should close forever. {Devnote: some disdain (in a factory making robo-sentries)}

Shadowheart: Oh come on, you have to be at least a little impressed by the craftsmanship. There's only so much you can do with wood. {Devnote: gentle poking}

Halsin: Not so, in my experience. There is little I cannot whittle.

Shadowheart: Did you do that on purpose...? {Devnote: half-amused groan}

[PB_Halsin_Gale_ROM_Act3]

Gale: Halsin, you must have accumulated considerable wisdom on matters of the heart in your long life.

Gale: Anything you'd like to pass on to a strapping, love-struck wizard such as myself?

Halsin: Dispensing advice on matters of the heart would be like swapping boots - what suits me may be a poor fit for you.

Gale: Ah. Well, there's no faulting that logic. At least you didn't tell me to 'be myself'. {Devnote: Accepting the answer. Thinks 'be yourself' is naff advice}

Halsin: Oh no, perish the thought. That can be outright cruel advice to offer in certain cases.

[hotpinkstaples]

didnt wanna hijack someone's post with the Disk Horse, but I just wanna note that bernard being tim's love interest in 2023 is VERY different from him being a side-side-side character in the early 2000s. i think there's definitely a generational divide on how the relationship's perceived bc there's absolutely a difference between how bernard and tim's relationship is portrayed during their time in school versus in adulthood.

part of reading tim's coming out story in the 2020s with relation to bernard is finally acknowledging that we finally broke tim out of his amber glass. this is also, i will note, a SPECIFIC kind of coming-out-story that won't resonate with folks who weren't living through that specific era of homophobia where the fallout of the AIDS crisis overlapped with the rise of mass surveillance and that post-9/11 grimdark take on superheroes across ALL media. it was a weird fucking time. it also won't resonate with anyone who wasn't "growing up" with tim during his time as robin. now, do you HAVE to know every little thing about tim to accept this piece of character development? no, you don't, but you DO have to take into consideration that tim was locked in the time vault for a veryyy long time and a lot of things, including his on-and-off with stephanie, were part of the status quo for his character long before dc decided to pull the trigger with tim's bisexuality.

but what happens when the forever-sixteen isn't sixteen anymore? he grows up! he gets to reflect! he gets to try new things without being held back by the amber glass. time is the key factor here! if you look at tim and bernard's relationship through the eyes of the robin run of that era, of course it's gonna feel weird! that tim could only really take bernard in doses, bc that tim was as much of an asshole teen as bernard was. with the breaking-of-the-amber, we now learn that tim had to do some serious reflection to get to the point where he could say that this guy he used to know COULD be someone special. if you follow tim's story through the lens of a closeted queer raised in the era of when that robin run was being published, tim's just another queer guy who's finally come to terms with the fact that, that dude he went to high school with who he just ran into at the target might not be so bad after all. he's kinda cute, actually. did he think he was cute back in the tenth grade? probably not, but he's not in tenth grade anymore, now is he?

could DC comics have created an entirely new character to serve the narrative purpose of tim's coming out special? sure. then we woulda had ten years worth of criticism from fandom about how tim magically found a guy superhot and thus dumped stephanie over it, and we would circle back to the same argument about whether tim was a douchebag for dumping stephanie for some rando, and that his bisexuality is an asspull versus 'relevant character development'. either way, it would have upset the status quo. now, is that to say timsteph was never real? no! tim and stephanie talking about his erratic behavior and him coming out to her was to SPECIFICALLY address how him being bisexual isn't meant to downgrade their relationship, or that their love wasn't real. for anyone who's still whining about timsteph not being real anymore bc bernbear entered the chat, i've long stopped seeing it as legitimate criticism bc there are YEARS worth of content with them to indulge in. shitting on a coming-out story and a romance that hasn't even had five real-time years to be explored is just straight up crass and highlights much more insidious problems in the fandom aka the rampant homophobia, quick-to-anger behavior of fans who never learned media or litcrit, and motherfuckers who ride or die for status quo like it'll kill them to enjoy something tangential.

long story short, timbern real and so is timsteph, and one of these days, inshallah bartkon will be real too.

[couldawouldashoulda50]

From Completely Different Worlds - William Nylander

The Sweden Chapter - Part Three

For @misshoneyimhome birthday celebration - I hope you enjoy this next part. And no rush with this either - I know you are killing it with your training 👏💞

A/N - so this was to be the final part of the Sweden Chapter but I still have more that I want to write for these two so yeah... I will need to do another part to this.

Just a quick note, that this is 10k words. I really try hard not to release these larger stories as readers are busy, and I totally get that. But I couldn't find a natural break in the story (that was obvious to me anyway) in order to further split this up.

Notes and Warnings - goes without saying - profanity, smut (basic p in v, oral - m receiving). I think that's it.

18+ only please.

Camilla Nylander Altelius stood waiting at the arrivals gate at Stockholm's Arlanda airport with a simple sign with two letters colored on a white foam board: L and G. Her young nieces wanted to make a sign for William's friend, Loren, who was coming to visit him from Toronto.

Although Camilla knew the sign was not necessary since Loren knew what Camilla looked like, she thought it was a sweet gesture from the girls nevertheless.

Despite her typical friendly nature, Camilla stayed off to the side of the other folks who surrounded her while waiting for their respective arrivals. The Nylanders are well-known throughout the city and preferred to blend into the background and remain inconspicuous.

She watched carefully as the passengers from Loren's flight began to trickle through the doors. The number of passengers were many, and there were moments where Camilla had to stand on her toes to try and spot Loren as she walked through.

But as the people who disembarked the plane met their awaiting greeters, Camilla grew nervous as there was no sign of Loren.

After 30 minutes, Camilla texted William to make sure that she was supposed to be on that flight. A panicked William responded straight away, confirming that she had texted him once she was in her seat. It was a direct flight, so there were no connecting flights to miss.

William said he would text her to see if everything was okay.

After calls and texts went unanswered and unread, William and his parents were visibly concerned.

Camilla continued to wait patiently despite the knot that had formed in her stomach.

Close to 45 minutes after the plane had fully disembarked, Loren appeared looking a little tired but incredibly relieved when she saw Camilla there still waiting for her.

Camilla cheekily held up the sign, and Loren hurriedly walked up to her, a mix of joy and appreciation expressed on her face.

The two embraced excitedly, and the chatter between them began while Camilla motioned to take Loren's carry-on.

As they walked, Loren began to profusely apologize and explain the reason why she was held aside.

As she tried to explain, Loren also felt her phone buzzing in her purse with incoming calls.

Camilla saw that Loren was getting a little frazzled and overwhelmed, so she stopped walking, took Loren's hand, and warmly reminded Loren to breathe.

Loren did exactly what Camilla told her. She breathed deeply and managed to squeeze in another apology for the delay. William had told his mother about how considerate Loren was, almost to a fault.

Armed with this knowledge, Camilla joked that William, who she assumed was the one calling Loren's phone incessantly, could wait or else she'd ban him from using it altogether. He still had to listen to his mother, she said.

Loren nodded enthusiastically and replied, "I can hold him while you grab his phone." She looked at Camilla and blushed. "I imagine he's pretty stressed right now."

Camilla nodded and draped her arm around Loren's shoulder as they began walking. "He's just really looking forward to seeing you again. And I can see that you are excited to see him too."

They liked each other instantly, and their connection was almost palpable.

Loren continued to explain that customs had flagged her as entering with a tourist working visa. All the paperwork met the requirements and everything was above board, but the officers wanted to look through her suitcase and ask her questions anyway. They even asked to see some of her content and videos.

"They asked who I was staying with while I'm here—I thought I'd better keep William's name out of this, so I hope it's okay that I said you and Michael… that I'm a family friend?"

I really, really like this girl, Camilla thought.

Camilla chuckled. "It's all actually true. You'll be coming to the lake house to stay with us during your trip, and you are absolutely a family friend."

Camilla exuded beauty and grace. She was warm, caring, and Loren sensed a deep wisdom in her.

Never mind William—Camilla was Loren's new crush.

Camilla and Loren chatted on like old school friends as they rolled Loren's luggage through the bright open space towards the exit to the car park.

Loren's nervous excitement looped throughout her entire body.

Seeing William. Meeting his family. Seeing his home. Greeting his dogs. Going out with his friends.

While Camilla and Loren had been talking and navigating the airport, they seemingly missed several calls from William. Camilla finally heard the chime from her own phone and this time, it was Michael calling her.

Camilla spoke Swedish and then let out a chuckle while rolling her eyes. Loren smiled at her but tried to mind her own business as they stepped on the elevator to go to the 4th level of the car park.

Camilla put her phone back in her purse and smiled at Loren. "A certain someone has been trying to get a hold of us—he's been panicking a little bit. But we're almost there."

Loren took a deep breath and exhaled, placing her hand on her stomach to try and calm the butterflies. Loren's hand was even trembling slightly.

Camilla glanced over sympathetically and put her arm around Loren. She said nothing, but the comfort in her gesture spoke volumes.

When the elevator doors opened, Loren's pulse was racing so fast, she had to grip the handle of her luggage hard as a distraction.

They walked past a large cinder block post, and that's when she saw him. He was leaning up against his SUV, a baseball hat shaded part of his face as he talked to his Dad. The off-season certainly agreed with him. He looked incredible.

Loren's breath caught in her throat as they came within view. William turned and half-jogged, half-sprinted towards Loren.

She let out a little squeal of pure happiness as William pulled her in, hugging her tightly. Her feet left the ground as William's embrace was so strong and exuberant, she almost got lost in the moment and wrapped her legs around him.

William leaned in close, his lips brushing her ear. Though his words were muffled, they expressed absolute joy and relief that she was actually there with him. Loren's fingers trailed up the back of his hair as she whispered, "You look amazing. I'm so happy to see you."

After William stabilized her on the ground, Loren looked over to Michael and tried to settle her emotions as she introduced herself. Michael embraced Loren as well, and the two exchanged pleasantries as William put Loren's luggage in the trunk.

Holding the back passenger door open for her, Loren slid onto the seat, unable to quell the smile on her face. William slid in next to her. His cologne must have pheromones in it as the effect it had between her legs was immediate and intense.

If Loren was feeling the heat rising in her panties, William was right there with her. He was thankful that his parents agreed to accompany him, so that he could keep a low profile, yet still be at the airport when Loren arrived.

But God, how he wanted her in that very second. If they were alone, he could have easily found a secluded area, adjusted the back seats, and spent hours pleasuring and exploring her body. From the moment they expressed how much they missed each other in the previous weeks, the anticipation of their reunion was now reaching a fever pitch.

The confined space of the car only seemed to amplify the mounting desire them. Forced to keep the heightening tension at bay, Loren answered more questions about her overall travel experience.

Did she sleep? How was the flight? How was the meal?

As Loren engaged in laughter and further conversation with Michael and Camilla, William remained quiet. He watched her bright and effervescent personality immediately enchant his parents. As the SUV approached the city centre, her excitement overflowed as the beauty of Stockholm was in her line of vision. William leaned in close to Loren, and with their fingers entwined, his thumb caressed hers drawing light circles on her skin.

Every so often, Loren would turn to him, her eyes were alive and sparkled with joy. She radiated pure happiness, and William felt his heart swell with an sense of absolute contentment. The only thing he wished he could change is pressing for her to come sooner.

As they approached a beautiful and ornate stone and brick building, William leaned over an quietly explained that his siblings are waiting for them in his flat. He knew she would be fatigued but he felt it would be best for her start adjusting her body clock to local time, and remain awake until later that evening.

Michael and William unpacked Loren’s luggage and followed her and Camilla up the one flight of stairs to William’s door. Loren smiled at Camilla and took a deep breath. She could empathize with Loren’s nervousness, she felt the same meeting Michael’s enormous family back when they were dating.

Camilla ushered Loren through the front entrance and were first greeted by Pablo and Banksy, both on standing on their hinds legs, clamoring for Loren. She knelt down, scratching and rubbing both dogs while murmuring words of affection against their faces.

William warmly placed his hand on the small of Loren’s back as she stood up, letting her know he’s putting her bags in his bedroom. That felt surreal unto itself.

Then William's siblings approached Loren. Introductions began with his three younger biological sisters, who welcomed her with warm hugs and laughter, playfully teasing William in the process. Michelle, William's half-sister, was slightly more reserved, but she and Loren connected instantly—much like Loren had with Camilla.

Alex was next. He grinned widely and gave Loren a sizeable hug and expressed how great it was she was able to visit. He made a dig or two at William about his golf game and said he looked forward to Loren kicking his ass on the course.

There was only one person who appeared unimpressed by Loren’s arrival. To say she was unenthused would be an understatement.

Alex’s girlfriend, Isla.

Her greeting to Loren was cold and unwelcoming. She barely accepted Loren's offered handshake, and sneered at Loren when she said she was so happy to meet Isla.

After returning to lean against a door jam, she scanned Loren and her attire, she muttered comments under her breath to Alex in Swedish—remarks that were unmistakably snide. Alex scoffed incredulously at his girlfriend’s jeers and ridicule towards his brother’s guest. “Look, be nice. She doesn’t have a lot of money.”

“She had enough to fly here. Oh wait, I bet William had to pay,” Isla said scornfully. “There’s a million girls around here that would suit William so much better than her.”

Alex pulled Isla into a side hug. “Okay, tiger…that’s enough. You don’t know her to say anything like that.”

“Fuck that. Oh shit….she’s going to be coming out with us to Gemma too, isn’t she. Oh god, I don’t want to be stuck with this girl all night, Alex.”

“Isla - c’mon. She came here to see William…not everything is about you,” Alex playfully jabbed.

“Yeah, well - William should have maybe given Margot a chance. Given he fucked her, she thought he might have been interested….. we’d all have so much fun together, and Margot is a way better fit for his lifestyle. If could be him and Margot together tonight at the bar and he can send this one home,” Isla said, flippantly pointing towards Loren.

Isla sipped her drink and watched how everyone was fawning over Loren. They certainly never treated her like this when she and Alex first started dating.

Isla didn’t even realize that she was glaring at Loren, but Loren sure noticed.

As she sat across the room, Loren was baffled and worried at the same time. The exchange between Isla and Loren could not have been much more than 20 seconds and Loren was wondering what the hell she had done to Isla for her not to like her….already. Loren wanted to make a great impression across the board, and Isla in particular, given the boys’ tight knit relationship. It would be a major blow if the two ladies couldn’t find at least some common ground.

She just met you - what the fuck happened that she can’t stand you already? Loren thought as she felt her gut twist.

William's sister, Stephanie, called out to Loren after speaking with Camilla.

"Wait—so Loren, you're going to be working during your vacation? What kind of work is it again? Mom said you were held back after you landed—and the guards went through your stuff?"

William had heard about Loren's brief detainment during the car ride to his place. Once more, he felt pangs of guilt as he reflected on her sacrifices. Loren had just started a new job, and he had practically begged her to visit. The sudden realization of how self-centered his request was began to weigh on his mind.

Since William had implored Loren to visit, he offered to cover not just her expenses, but compensate for her time away from work. And as expected, she refused, having dipped into her Caribbean getaway fund to pay for the flight and time away from work.

A thought nagged at him.

She always seemed to add to his life, while he somehow subtracted from hers.

And yet Loren was interacting effortlessly with his family. Her smile and infectious laughter seemed to help dispel these notions that were infecting his mind.

He had begun to consider that they might be on the precipice of something really amazing with one another, and he silently vowed he would show her the best time in the coming days.

Loren explained the basics of her language vlog, and how her new manager was receptive to her apologetic vacation request. They devised a plan for Loren to do some field work in Stockholm related to those with dual and multiple languages. Getting a tourist working visa was simple due to less stringent requirements for Canadian citizens. They could review the footage upon her return and create a multi-part segment. Her manager even suggested they might reimburse part of the trip if her videos ended up being published.

William's youngest sister, Ella, chimed in, suggesting that since Isla had her own vlog, perhaps she and Loren could collaborate.

Loren looked towards Isla, hoping this could be their common ground. Her smile quickly faded as Isla chuckled, as if the mere idea was utterly absurd.

Loren's personality was highly empathetic—she absorbed energy from those around her. She could often relate to and understand others' feelings deeply, sometimes even adopting their worries as her own.

This is why Isla's demeanor affected Loren to her core. She wasn't used to evoking such a negative response, especially from someone she had been looking forward to meeting.

Loren looked towards Isla again, hoping to find some connection. Her smile faded as Isla chuckled dismissively.

Isla's immediate dislike may have gone unnoticed by most of the group, except for Alex, as she was quite vocal about her disdain for Loren. However, Michelle, the Nylander’s older half-sister, quietly observed Isla's unwarranted behavior. Noticing how Loren's bubbly and personable nature seemed to wilt from her interactions with Isla, Michelle internally resolved to be an additional support to Loren.

Much to William's delight, his family instantly warmed to Loren.

In one moment, he observed his father engrossed in conversation with her, explaining the ins and outs of Swedish culture and cuisine. William heart swelled watching Loren, clearly fascinated with Michael as she listened intently with genuine interest. After Loren was whisked away by the Nylander women, Michael was quick to approach William and tell him how impressed his is with her.

Alex approached his brother and father and the three sat down together and continued to enjoy some drinks and appetizers that had been laid out. Most of the woman had congregated in the kitchen, which was just through an open doorway from the living room. William had a clear line of vision to Loren as she leaned against the countertop, her engagement with the ladies remained effortless.

Alex followed William’s gaze and chuckled at how smitten his brother appeared to be.

“Fuck dude- keep staring,” Alex laughed. “She seems really nice though - fucking banging hot,” he added. Michael sent his second son a disapproving glance.

“I think she’s probably one of the kindest people I know. And yeah - she’s smokin’ but I don’t really even care about that….and neither should you.” William playfully backhanded his brother’s arm.

Michael smirked. He was proud of his boys and how much they loved each other.

Isla’s comments to Alex regarding Loren using William for money remained in his head and Alex decided to cut to the chase. “So - did you have to pay for her trip? You said she’s broke -,”

William was quick to interject. “Bro - I didn’t mean it like that…all I meant is she doesn’t have a lot of money to spend on extras. She works basically three jobs - she’s trying to set herself up so she eventually doesn’t have to work as much later on. I didn’t mean she was broke like that.” William thought for a moment before he continued. “I actually don’t think I have paid for more than a few meals in the time I’ve known her. She’s super fucking stubborn about paying her own way. I actually feel like shit since I asked her to come here. I offered to pay for her flight and she flat out refused. She ended up using money that she was saving up for a winter vacation.”

Alex raised his eyebrows and glanced at his dad. The two were taken aback with what William had revealed. Alex thought maybe if he explained this to Isla, she could back off Loren instead of trying to bulldoze her.

Michael turned to William. “You’ll just have to make sure she has a better time than she would have had she gone away in the winter. Maybe take her somewhere else while she’s here.”

As the men continued their chat, laughter from the kitchen suddenly echoed throughout the room. William watched Loren as she animatedly gestured as she explained something to the group with her special brand of wit. With his interest piqued, he listened in and heard key words of airport, security guard, camera, and the a surprise reference to triple x-rated movies. He smiled to himself and wondered what the hell she was talking about. Whatever it was, she was getting a chorus of laughter from the women.

William loved how Loren just seemed to bring a whole new dynamic to his family and felt himself falling more for Loren by the second.

His mind snapped back from his musings to hear Isla, with her tone bordering on loud, on the phone in the corner of the room. It made him wonder why she seemed to be excluding herself from the rest, but he didn’t spend time worrying about it.

Loren excused herself and headed to the washroom. As she gently closed the door behind her, she leaned against it, taking a deep breath to steadying herself. She felt so exhilarated from the welcome she had received from his family, and just being in William’s presence.

After washing up, she caught sight of her reflection in the bathroom mirror. She was losing steam and felt tired, but William and his siblings had plans to take Loren to A Bar Called Gemma, a cozy and popular watering hole in the city.

The prospect of experiencing Stockholm's nightlife and meeting William's old friends both excited and slightly intimidated her. She was eager to see William at home, in a completely different light than Toronto and to understand more about the world he came from. Yet, she was worried now more than ever about making a good impression, especially given the less-than-warm reception from Isla earlier.

Loren heard a soft knock at the door and responded with a quick apology and that she would be out in a moment.

William’s muffled voice sounded on the other side of the door, asking if he could come in for a moment. She opened the door wide enough for William to slip in, undetected.

His hands immediately grasped onto the narrow part of Loren’s waist. “You’re killing me out there y’know,” William said as he brought his lips close to hers. “They can see why I think you’re incredible, and they’re in total agreement.”

Loren pushed thoughts of Isla and her initial reaction out of her mind. This was not the time to mention her noticeable dislike of Loren, as she felt it would stir up unnecessary drama. What mattered to her the was the warm welcome she had received from William's family and the look in his eyes from the moment they were reunited. The Nylander’s approval and enthusiasm meant the world to her, and she resolved to focus on why she was here to begin with. She came to be with William. He wanted her there with him. He invited her so she could experience his world, explore Stockholm and get to know him more as well as the people who were closest to him.

Loren smiled softly, her cheeks flushed and her heart fluttered with William's words and his body pressed against hers. Loren leaned in, closing the distance between them, and brushed her lips against his. The kiss swiftly became deeper and full of need, but remained brief—a silent acknowledgment that they still had company and needed to wait to act on their desires.

William gave Loren’s waist a gentle squeeze before he exited, while Loren waited a few more minutes before she reappeared in the living room.

The dinner which had been previously arranged and now delivered, was a veritable feast from one of Stockholm’s most renowned sushi establishments. The spread before them was wide array of beautifully crafted sushi rolls, sashimi, and other Japanese delicacies artfully presented on platters with decorative embellishments.

The dinner conversations were lively, with laughter echoing through William's flat's open windows and spilling out onto the street below.

Loren found herself thoroughly entertained as she witnessed, on several occasions, William's siblings treated her with lesser-known and rather embarrassing stories from William's teenage years. The accounts ranged from innocent misadventures to moments that everyone cringed in unison before erupting into side-splitting laughter.

As more sake was handed out, the stories began to take a turn towards the more scandalous side of William's youth. Tales of wild parties, questionable decision-making, and narrow escapes from trouble had Loren both shocked and amused. William, his face flushed with a mix of embarrassment and laughter, finally decided to intervene with a subtle reminder that he had just as much dirt on his siblings. The laughter was an indicator that perhaps William’s defense was flimsy but after some good-natured protests, the siblings conceded defeat – at least for the moment.

Loren began to clean up the plates and utensils but was met with Camilla waving her off from doing anything of the kind, reminding Loren that she was on vacation. Instead, she assembled and instructed the male members of the family to do the clean up.

The women remained in the living room, digesting the smorgasbord of food they had delighted in. Stephanie received a message from a friend who planned to meet their group later at the bar, and called out to William, asking what time he thought they would arrive at.

Another animated discussion ensued as the ladies wanted time to freshen up and have a few more cocktails before the group headed out. Loren asked what the dress code was, trying to visualize what she had packed for the trip. Chelsea had helped select a number of mix-and-match casual, smart casual, and classy clothing options, so Loren felt confident that she should have something that would look nice.

Isla interjected—she had been sitting quietly, messaging and scrolling on her phone in a chair just off to the side of the rest of the women. "I was thinking—it might not be so much fun for Loren, coming out with us tonight. You know, we start drinking and then we forget she doesn't speak Swedish… she won't understand any conversation. She might feel like she doesn't belong."

Loren felt her cheeks burning. Although Isla's sentiment seemed to be born from concern for her, there was a hint of something else in her tone. Language and cultural differences aside, Isla simply did not want Loren around, and she was making that very apparent.

Isla continued, "We cannot spend the night translating everything—you know, it will be hard for her to have fun, or anyone else."

Alex had returned to the room, followed by William. Alex had only heard part of Isla's attempt to dissuade Loren from coming. William had not heard it at all.

Loren watched Alex say something in Swedish to Isla in a low, warning tone. His statement to Isla was just out of earshot of William.

Isla's response was blunt and mocking and undoubtedly was in reference to Loren. Loren then watched William's sisters and their perplexed expressions as they observed the interaction between Alex and Isla.

Isla's tone was becoming slightly louder and more defensive as Michelle began to intervene.

The situation was becoming increasingly uncomfortable, and Loren decided to put an end to it.

Glancing across the room at Isla, Loren smiled warmly. "No, you know what—Isla's right. It's going to be really hard for me to keep up with conversations, and I don't want to take away anyone's enjoyment by having to stop and explain things to me."

William was quick to look at Loren first and then over to Isla. His eyes darkened as he tried to piece together what the hell had changed from the moment he left the room. After getting to know Isla over the years, William had grown wary of some of her behaviors. He was heavily suspicious that Loren's change of heart was likely due to something that came out of Isla's mouth.

Before William could object, Michael calmly reminded Isla that virtually everyone there and in their respective friend groups, spoke English well. Isla was quiet, but made a retort under her breath.

Loren once again spoke in a gentle but clear tone. “I understand what Isla is saying - I can imagine that once everyone has a few drinks in them, it’s going to be more natural to slip back into speaking Swedish. And - it has been a super long day. I’ve loved every second of being here but maybe it’s better that I sit out this time and get some rest instead.”

It actually pissed Isla off even more, seeing how agreeable Loren was to concede to her.

William looked defeated and a little shattered. “I could stay back with you - “

Loren shook her head, vehemently but kindly declined. “You have friends coming - I don’t want you to cancel on them, not because of me.” Loren looked at William hopefully. “Before I leave, we can try and carve out some time for a dinner or drinks - a meal sometime with them, maybe?” She looked at William and smiled with appreciation. “I really am ok to stay back here, and I want you to go out and have a great time. I’m totally okay with that - gives me a chance to sleep before you come back home.”

William chuckled lightly as behind Loren’s bright eyes, there was a hint of suggestiveness only discernable to him. She had a point. Ever since her saw her, sleep has been the last thing in his mind so she’d better take the opportunity while it’s there.

“Loren, if you’re okay with it, I’ll stay back with you. We can watch a movie - in English,” Michelle said rather coolly, her eyes briefly glancing towards Isla.

“We can stay for a little longer too, if that’s okay with you, Loren?” Camilla smiled. “I have so many questions, you might be tired of me by the end of the night,” Camilla said with a wink.

Loren flashed a smiled of appreciation to Camilla, Michelle and Michael too. Given the “girl-talk” that might ensue, Loren wasn’t certain if Michael really wanted to stay behind, but he seemed happy and comfortable as he relaxed the in overstuffed plus chair, nursing his sake.

With the evening plans now confirmed, Isla and William’s three younger sisters ventured to a better lit spot in the apartment to reapply and freshen their makeup. Camilla poured herself another glass of wine, leaning into Loren saying Michelle would be driving them home, so she’s decided to indulge a little.

William found a spot next to Loren on the couch. He couldn't shake the unease about leaving her behind, but his heart also swelled seeing how good-natured Loren was in how she handled the situation with Isla. He asked her softly if she was sure about staying in, and he apologized if Isla made her feel unwelcome and excluded. As tight-knit as his family was, that's not how they operate.

William leaned his forehead against her hair, thinking about how he could take her somewhere and just be totally alone with her. For days. His dad was right—he could make it worth her potentially missing out on a sunny vacation in the dead of winter.

But for right now, he breathed in her comforting and light fragrance, quietly telling her he wouldn't be out late.

—

William and his crew arrived exactly on time for their reservation at the bar. Because of the number of Nylander siblings, significant others and the size of his friend group, reservations were always warranted, especially in the cozier cocktail bars like A Bar Called Gemma.

With everyone now assembled and accounted for, the Nylander group accounted for a large portion of the total capacity of the bar. Knowing who they are, the owner and bartenders knew the Nylander’s would keep them busy with many orders throughout the night.

The bar had clustered tables together for their group, allowing everyone to mingle easily. William sat with his longtime friends, Anders and Erik, and their girlfriends. When asked about Loren's absence—with some concern for her well-being—William briefly mentioned he'd explain later, hinting it was related to Alex's girlfriend. However, he emphasized how thrilled he was that Loren had made it to Stockholm and she looked forward to meeting everyone.

Their lively discussions continued as they perused the menu and the myriad of cocktail options.

William bought the first round of drinks for the entire house. Shortly thereafter, trays of flaming monkey heads—containing Gemma's signature cocktails—were distributed to the patrons, elevating the festive energy to new heights. A rollicking "Skål!" echoed through the bar, catching the attention of many passersby outside.

The bar's owner, anticipating a busy night, greeted William and his guests. He thanked William for his generosity with buying the house a round, and offered complimentary snacks to pair with their creative cocktails.

William sipped his drink and cheerfully caught up with his friends, but Loren lingered in the back of his mind. He wasn't worried per se—his parents and Michelle had already taken a clear liking to her. It was simply the fact that she was so close in proximity, yet not by his side.

During a lull in an otherwise entertaining conversation, William excused himself and stepped off to the side, pulling out his phone from his jeans. His initial instinct was to text Loren directly, but he quickly changed his mind, opting to text his dad to ask how everything was going. He admitted to himself he was fishing for some positive feedback about Loren. He was already filled with admiration for her, but he wanted to hear straight-up from his dad what his thoughts were.

His dad's comments did not disappoint. Though the messages were short, Michael's words echoed what William already felt about Loren, and then some. But hearing the same adjectives about Loren being used by his dad, who he felt was also a keen and excellent judge of character, further solidified everything William had seen in her since their first meeting.

With William’s mind at ease after his dad’s final message about taking Pablo and Banksy home with he and Camilla, he heard a light squeal from Isla. He watched as her slender figure quickly slid off the stool and approached the doors where three of her friends awaited her.

William shot a look towards his little brother, who seemed just as surprised with the sudden arrival of the three pretty, young blondes who were part of Isla’s social circle. Included in the trio was Margot, and upon seeing William, she waved and eagerly approached him.

“Heeey, Willy! Good to see you - wow….you’re still so tanned!”

William smiled in acknowledgement and gave Margot a rather non-committal side hug.

Isla pointed at Alex to move stools so her friends could all squeeze in together, which eventually forced a total reconfiguration of the seating arrangement.

Relieved that he remained surrounded by his brother and close friends, William listened to his brother express his relief and excitement about joining William in Toronto this coming season after signing with the Toronto Marlies.

As time ticked on, the ladies in the group had all congregated together and had become a little more boisterous from the many cocktails consumed. Anders and Erik chuckled as they looked on at their dates, astounded at the number of conversations happening simultaneously.

William, however, was lost in thought. The evening had not turned out the way he had planned, and he was on the cusp of just paying everyone's tab so he could leave and go home to Loren. He hadn't had more than 5 minutes alone with her, which were spent in his bathroom, no less.

William's phone buzzed and his pulse jumped, hoping it was Loren texting him, which would help to lighten his mood. Instead, the message was from a couple of tables over—from his sister, Jackie.

J: Did u have sex with Margot when we were away?? 😬

William glanced over at Jackie, wondering where a question like that came from.

J: I need to tell you something but I don't want them to know you heard it from me. Delete these after.

William, not in the mood for cryptic exchanges, texted back asking her to come over and just talk to him.

With a shrug, Jackie made her way over to William's table, where Anders and Erik also sat. Alex had vacated his stool long ago to join Isla, and it was the conversation between those two that Jackie heard what she heard.

Jackie began speaking quietly. “So you slept with Margot?”

Anders and Erik exchanged knowing glances, their smirks widening as they looked over at William. William rolled his eyes at his friends before responding. “Yeah - once…why?”

“Isla didn’t want Loren to come tonight. She was saying to Margot that she needs to take her shot with you - that you and Margot should be dating. Margot suits you better apparently.”

William started to turn to look towards Isla but Jackie quickly snapped at him not to.

“Don’t look over at her. I don’t want her to guess that I’m telling you this stuff.”

Anders and Erik were enthralled with the new saga unfolding. Alex returned to find Jackie in his spot and motioned for her to vacate his stool. Jackie gestured she would in a minute then shoo’d Alex away.

Jackie leaned into William a little more, knowing she had to be quick with her words. “Isla was mocking Loren - she told us she thought she was so fake. She keeps going with really nasty comments about her clothes and how she looks - Michelle heard her and even said something back to her.”

William clenched his jaw and gritted his teeth

Jackie was trying to remember the most important parts as she could not believe what Isla was saying about Loren. "Alex was trying to tell Isla that Loren paid her own way—that she's not using you for money or anything. That pissed Isla off even more. So Isla said to Alex that maybe she should just tell Loren that you fucked her best friend a few weeks ago. She's twisting it around, saying you made it seem like you really liked Margot. So like—you're probably playing both of them. And—that you sleep with every girl that you can get your hands on."

William was caught between a rock and a hard place. He wasn't going to approach Isla as he knew of her confrontational and defensive tendencies, and he wasn't looking to make a scene. The problem was there was truth in Isla's accusations toward William. He had slept with Margot, and he had, in the last couple of years, indulged in the never-ending supply of accessible women.

William looked across at Anders, then Erik, and then to Jackie. His mind was suddenly clouded with a mix of resentment towards Isla and anxiety about hearing she might try to sabotage what he was starting to build with Loren.

Shaking his head, he knew he had to get in front of this situation, bite the bullet, and just be honest with Loren. As far as Margot, he thought his general avoidance for the remainder of her stay in Saint Tropez would have been a clear indicator that their one evening together would remain a singular event. He was going to have to make sure Margot understood that they had no future together.

William rubbed his face with his hands. "Fuck—what a fucking bullshit situation this is." He turned to Jackie and wrapped his arm around her. "Thanks, my spy. I'm glad you told me. Fuck, I don't want to have to explain this shit to Loren," William's tone was full of regret.

Anders looked at William, his face shrouded in concern. "So, the Margot thing… is—did you—is it like a cheating thing—meaning cheating on Loren?"

"Loren and I aren't—dating… like she's not technically my girlfriend. So, no… I don't feel like I cheated on her, not exactly. But I care about her, and I do feel really fucking shitty about it." William shook his head. "On the other hand, the thing with Margot actually pushed me to call Loren. I kind of realized that—I missed talking to her, y'know?"

Erik tossed an ice cube around inside his mouth and then crunched down on it. "Bro—that's a bit messed up. But—I wouldn't put it past Isla to tell Loren—I think she likes to just lob a grenade into the middle of something and watch the chaos. You'd be better off telling Loren yourself and just hope she'll accept it for what it is."

"Yeah, use the Nylander charm that you claim you have," Anders scoffed, teasing his friend.

Jackie's exaggerated roll of the eyes made the men around the table chuckle. "The girls got all the charm. And the looks. And the hair. All the boys have are their appendages that keep getting them into trouble," Jackie said dryly before William feigned putting her in a headlock.

"Are you going to say anything to Isla?" Erik asked, unsure of what he would do in the same situation.

William rubbed his beard, gently at first but then a little more forcefully out of frustration. "Fuck. I want to. But I've heard her and Alex get into it after he's tried to call her out—like posting private shit on TikTok… and man, it's like a fucking war. I'm just more concerned about Loren right now."

One thought remained which he kept to himself. Fuck—here you go again. She comes all this way to see you, and you're going to end up hurting her all over again.

—

William arrived home just after midnight, his social battery completely drained. Save for hum of his climate-control system, his flat was silent and he immediately missed Pablo and Banksy excited greeting.

Entering his bedroom, he saw Loren in his bed, her face slightly illuminated from the street lamps which towered along the sidewalks outside his window. He had seen her in states of exhaustion after long shifts at the group home, lightly snoring and mouth agape. Although he would chuckle at her endearingly comical appearance, he still thought she was ravishing.

Tonight, she looked ethereal, her luminescent tanned skin, dotted with the freckles along her cheekbones, the same ones he had tenderly kissed many times.

He climbed into bed and slid next to her, pressing his lips against her warm skin. With her eyes still closed, she began to smile. In a move so fluid it seemed choreographed, she turned towards him and pulled their bodies together, limbs soon intertwining. The embrace was more than physical. It was a culmination of so many emotions that ran deeper than either of them could find the words for.

For William, it was the reminder that Loren often sensed what he needed before he even knew himself. Her hand that caressed the ridges of his back and shoulder muscles found its way to first his face, and then his hair. She kissed him tenderly under his chin and along his jawline as he pulled her towards him even further. A lazy smile spanned her face as she opened her eyes and absorbed every one of his beautiful facial features.

William slid his body down slightly which allowed him to nuzzle his face into the crook of her neck. Loren wasn’t complaining, but the way in which he held her - it resembled something different.

His lips tickled her neck as he spoke in a low, gravelly tone. “How was tonight? How did everything go?”

He smiled against her skin as he felt her trying to contain her giddiness. “William, I just - holy shit - I cannot begin to tell you how much I love your family. Like - ,” Loren paused, trying slow her mind down so her mouth could catch up with her thoughts. “I guess I see why you are they way you are. I really - I mean, no offense because it would have been amazing to go out with you - but I had such a great time with them here.”

Loren pressed her lips along William’s hairline. “How was the bar? Did you have a fun time?”

He nodded his head slightly. “It was ok. Wished you were there,” he said quietly, lifting his head up to look at her.

William looked like something was weighing on him as Loren studied his weary expression and tired eyes. She stroked his stubble just under his jawline and gave him a reassuring smile. "I know it's late, and I'm not trying to pry, but I'll listen if you want to talk," she said softly.

He looked into her dark eyes, adorned with long thick eyelashes and he wondered how he could possibly shit on Loren’s parade already.

With it being almost 1am, he was still wrestling with one question that he had in his mind for hours.

Does Loren need to know about Margot - tonight?

His silent retort was firm. You cannot drag this on. You cannot spend days with her, have sex with her, and then tell her about Margot.

William hesitated for another moment and then took a deep breath before speaking.

“I’m not sure where to begin - and I’m so sorry to even have to tell you this at all, let alone when you’ve basically just gotten here. But - Isla didn’t want you to come tonight, because she invited a friend of hers to see if her and I could make something happen.”

Loren’s insides flinched and her pulse quickened. Her stoic expression belied how her stomach suddenly twisted and her racing mind. Judging from the look of regret on his face, William wasn’t done either.

His crystal blue eyes fell downward to the pendant fixed to the delicate chain around Loren’s neck. “This friend - Isla’s friend - Margot….her and I had sex while she was staying with us in Saint Tropez.”

Loren’s eyes trailed down William’s face as she processed his words. A short breath escaped her mouth as she pictured William in bed with some Nordic stunner. Loren bit her lip and looked away, trying to find something to focus on. So she chose the small, fine hairs on William’s shoulder. She found them oddly comforting.

She listened to William as he explained what he realized about his feelings for her after Margot left his room. It was the shove he needed in order to reach out to her, and having Loren there now means so much to him.

Loren remained silent for a long moment, her fingers that had been tracing patterns on William's skin now lay motionless. The warmth and security that was present just moments before faded quickly. Although she understood his explanation, and all the layers of their situation, she couldn't shake the sharp sting that accompanied his confession.

As the moments passed, a dull ache formed in her chest. William and Loren and what they were - or weren’t - had never been defined. The ambiguity of it all meant there were no boundaries in which either of them had to be accountable to. This arrangement was one that seemed tailor-made for William’s lifestyle, but Loren knew in her heart, it didn’t suit her at all. The gap between having reasonable expectations and their mutual desires now lay before them and was impossible to ignore.

Loren’s eyes reconnected with William’s. Her gaze, which had sparkled with adoration and excitement moments before, was now filled with uncertainty and the internal ache that goes along with it.

William started to apologize again, but Loren interrupted. “Do…you have feelings for Margot? I mean, I know - I appreciate your honesty but I guess I'm a little confused why Margot is the one girl you're telling me about?”

William quickly read between the lines. Loren assumed there had to be other women he's slept with throughout the offseason, and her question to him hit hard, because she wasn’t wrong.

“No, I don’t. I know how this might sound but I guess - I was lonely, or thought I was.” He knew he had to be transparent and honest despite how guarded he could be with his emotions. Loren deserved to hear how he feels about her.

And so he began, hoping he wouldn’t sound too corny or over the top.

“We didn’t spend the night together. I know how this can make me sound…like a player - like someone who just fucks around all the time. But the minute she left my room, you were the only person on my mind. It just hit me - felt like a punch in my stomach…when I realized just how badly I wanted to see you….so I had to message you.”

Loren lay there recalling the night he messaged her weeks ago. She replied back, and soon they were engrossed on a video call. After a few vodka coolers, she didn't remember much of what they spoke about, other than her glasses. He REALLY liked her in glasses. He gave her a certain look that only William could. It was comically frustrating to Loren, how, by just looking at her, the pressure between her legs could immediately be felt. She wasn’t complaining though. She gave herself two hardcore orgasms that night as she pictured him, with that face, fucking her hard.

She stifled a smile and continued to listen intently as William

William didn’t want to push his luck, but he needed to touch Loren. He lightly placed one hand on hers while his thumb stroked hers. “The thing is - the reason I’m telling you about her is Isla. She got it into her head that I should have given Margot more of a chance. I mean, I kind of went off and did my own thing for the rest of the time she was at the villa so I didn’t interact with her much. I don’t know what went on but I guess when Isla found out you were coming, she made this last run at pushing Margot and I together.”

Loren fought the urge to not to roll her eyes at the notion of Isla’s interference, but Jesus. What the fuck.

“So tonight, Isla was pretty drunk and was kind of saying a lot of shit that’s not worth repeating. She thought she might need to tell you about Margot - “

“Fuck - William….how can she dislike me this much already? I mean - I’m not for everyone but Jesus…give me a chance first, then she can hate me all she wants.”

William tried not to chuckle but Loren and her self-deprecation always made him laugh.

“I didn’t mean to sound so ‘why doesn’t she like me’ but - wait …is she going to show up with a fucking pitchfork and run me out of Stockholm all by herself?”

William’s eyes floated across her face and absorbed her exquisite features. “Fuck that - and by the way, you were amazing with how you handled everything. Even with me leaving you here too - I still can’t believe how bad that sounds - I left you here on your first night...”

“I think I had a far better night that you did so I guess...thanks for ditching me…”

William hung his head in mock defeat.

A long silence hung between them before William leaned towards her in a slow and deliberate motion. He lips kissed her softly, almost tentatively as though he was testing the waters between them.

Loren felt unsettled given the information and events that had transpired on her first day in Stockholm. Perhaps she felt this way about William too, as much as she did not want to admit it.

A battle raged in her mind between letting go of her concerns and retreating into self-preservation mode.

William began noticed that Loren’s kiss and touch was less eager, less enthusiastic than usual. He grew anxious with worry that there was far more going on behind the even-keeled front she put up.

William broke from their kiss, his hand slid under the nape of her neck and gently grasped a handful of her hair. He rested his forehead against hers not knowing what to say or do.

“Are you - I mean fuck…this hasn’t gone the way I wanted it to…but are you okay - like okay with me? I hope you’ll forgive me for what’s hap-,”

“William….you haven’t - why are you asking for forgiveness from me?” Loren consoled, while being genuinely perplexed. “You are 100% free to do what you want and be with whomever….I know I’m not anything to you…”

Loren’s eyes grew wide with her poorly chosen words. “Wait, no….that came out wrong….that’s not what I meant….” As soon as she said the words, the dejected look on William’s face nearly shattered her heart. “I’m sorry - I think I’m just super tired…I’m not thinking straight…”

He could see her struggling to stay awake, her eyes looking more bleary with each second. “Okay - yeah…we’ll just leave it. Sleep on it.” William pressed his lips against Loren’s. He wanted to feel her so badly and yet somehow, everything he had hoped for and wanted seemed suspended indefinitely.

Loren fell asleep almost immediately on her back, which prevented William from nestling in behind her as he usually did. He expelled a deep sign, turned onto his stomach and waited until sleep found him.

—

As Loren slowly regained consciousness after a long, much-needed sleep, her eyes gradually focused on the surroundings of William's bedroom. Still on her back, she lay motionless, her gaze fixed on the curtained windows that filtered the bright morning sun. A gentle smile began to tug at the corners of her mouth. The memory of last night's conversation had faded, replaced by a renewed sense of excitement and anticipation for the days ahead.

With little disturbance, she turned onto her side to face William, who remained sleeping on his stomach.

He looked ridiculous and perfect with his matted blonde hair sticking up in all directions against his pillow. His trimmed mustache, which was both polarizing and popular with so many females, was surrounded by stubble which seemed to grow thicker by the minute. His lips were smooshed firmly against the pillow, forcing them to part, allowing light snores to escape.

The longer she gazed at him, the more she could imagine the feeling of him inside her. The blissful intensity of wanting him grew rapidly, and with the decision to go with it and not fight it, she slid out of bed to freshen up.

When she returned to the bed, William had flipped onto his back. His body mostly uncovered and his legs slightly splayed, Loren could see a burgeoning erection tenting his shorts. The images it conjured in her mind made her salivate.

On one hand, she didn't want to disturb his sleep, knowing how much he treasured his rest. But it had been months since she last spent time with him, time which was shrouded with the noise of the playoffs and the team's eventual defeat.

Carefully reentering the bed, William groggily motioned for Loren to come towards him. She gracefully crawled over to him and pleasantly surprised him with soft, open-mouthed kisses on his neck. He groaned as her mouth began to travel further down, across his chest, kissing and tonguing his nipples. Loren slowly climbed on top of him, pressing her throbbing need against his cock.

Looking down at William’s face as he turned to look at her, daylight illuminated the turquoise in his eyes - making him that much more irresistible - and she began lowering her mouth to his.

“Mmm….Loren, I’ve got morning breath - you don’t want that…,” William said, his voice still sounding husky from just waking up. He playfully gave her ass a little squeeze.

Loren smiled as she lowered her mouth once again, this time close to his ear. “Nylander’s don’t get bad breath…” she purred softly.

She kissed a line back towards his mouth. He didn’t stop her this time.

Loren kissed him with a fierce yearning, as months of pent up emotions took the form of intense passion. Her raw display of emotion which she no longer could suppress unleashed a whole new level of desire in William.

With the thin layer on fabric between them wet with arousal, Loren rubbed and grinded her pussy firmly against William’s shaft. He was beyond aroused and worried he might cum far too early, as he desperately wanted to feel her bouncing and grinding hard on his cock. He gripped her ass cheek once again - but something else inside of him took over for a moment and he firmly smacked her ass. Her mouth fell open with a air of surprise, followed by smirk so seductive he had bite the inside of his cheek to try and quell the urge to cum.

William’s arms enveloped Loren as she continued to grind on his cock. “Fuck - Loren - I’m too close…you gotta get on it…I wanna cum inside you,” William groaned desperately.

William released his hold around Loren’s torso and she sat up, fully straddling William. His eyes focused on the puddle mark on her cotton underwear.

He had to bite his cheek again.

She shimmied a little towards his thighs, pulling the waistband of his shorts down. The smile that his exposed cock evoked on Loren’s face was one of the sexiest things he had ever seen.

She slid her own panties off and cast them aside before she fully engulfed his cock in her mouth. She heard William chanting her name - leading to pleas for her to fuck him - that he was dangerously close to cumming.

For William, Loren had always exuded something he had rarely seen before. It was part of the lore in various songs - a demure and elegant woman to the outside world versus a total uninhibited spitfire in the bedroom. She just kept getting better, more confident and somehow remained soft and seductive.

William guided Loren back into position atop him, swiftly aligning himself with her entrance. She eased down his length in one fluid motion, a soft gasp escaping her lips as she adjusted to his impressively thick girth.

William's mouth fell open as Loren's tightness gripped the length of his shaft as she began to ride him. His hands pushed up the thin cotton fabric to expose her bouncing tits—a sight he could never get enough of. Loren moaned loudly as she arched her back, spreading her legs wider as her arousal began to seep down his shaft and drip off his balls.

The sensations were so intense that Loren all but collapsed onto William as he took over bucking his hips, driving hard into her. Her forehead was pressed into the pillow and her breath was hot against William's neck. Wrapping one arm around her waist and snaking the other to lightly grip the back of her neck, he continued to fuck her until her eyes were literally crossed.

William grunted and bucked and soon called out that he was about to cum while gripping Loren's ass hard. As he did, she pushed down and grinded back and forth on his cock, covering her mouth to stifle a shriek as clear fluid shot and sprayed out all over his cock. Seconds later, he pressed his cock deep within her and coated her walls as he twitched and spasmed with each release.

They lay there, still intimately connected in their blissful aftermath, barely able to form coherent thoughts. It seemed the only words either could muster were a breathless "Holy fuck."

After a few more moments, as the euphoria became manageable and Loren regained her ability to form basic sentences, William coaxed her out of bed and into the shower. What could have been a quick 20-minute rinse turned into a leisurely 40-minute affair. They spent most of their time—and the hot water—standing still, exchanging long, delicious kisses while their hands roamed each other's bodies.

This was exactly the kind of start William had hoped for—even better than he could have imagined. He was determined to show Loren the most amazing experiences and give her the time of her life, just as she deserved.

[rainy-astrology]

ATEEZ San Birth Chart Analysis

Based on my opinion and observations. Not a professional astrologer. May change later.

July 10th, 1999

Jinju, South Korea

10:08 AM

☀️♋️, 🌙♊️, ⬆️♍️

Sun in 11th shows a drive and ambition towards his future dreams and goals. San has always wanted to be a singer since he was young and has worked very hard to achieve his dream. He has improved his performance and vocal skills immensely over the years, often being the most eye catching member for many people who aren't ATINYs.

Mercury Leo in 11th shows a preference for like minded people. San seems to really enjoy the company of others - seems considerate of others feelings and cares to be on good terms with people. He has a natural charm and sweetness about him.

Moon in 9th also adds onto his ambitiousness - he truly seems to want to make a great influence on the world and be successful. Especially as a Virgo rising...I've never seen a lazy Virgo placement, they always work so hard for they want. He's very strongly opinionated, all of his beliefs come from the heart.

Saturn is also in 9th, which solidifies his strong beliefs/opnions. Saturn here puts a heavy focus on building future career and life. He makes sure to implement a sense of strictness and discipline into his routine.

Saturn trine ASC can make him appear serious and quiet. Physically, it can give people sharp features (Saturn and prominent bone structure), which San definitely has: sharp cheekbones and jaw, nose and eyes, prominent brow bones. Angular brow shapes suit him the best too (at least imo - it looks more cohesive with the rest of his features compared to straight brows). This is also likely why many people may find him intimidating at first or think he's older than his real age.

Mars Scorpio in 2nd is such a possessive and protective placement. It also creates an incredibly hardworking individual who always goes for whatever they want with no limit. San may be especially inclined to working hard towards his finances and can be particular about things he owns (iirc he has a black card but also won't bother to buy new things sometimes).

Jupiter in 8th...this could be about being good with finances, it is a priority for him (could obtain wealth from someone else maybe). This could also be about transformation of himself as 8th house is "death" and Jupiter is expansion. San seems to focus a lot on being authentic and true to himself, so it would not be too surprising if it is about him constantly trying to improve his character for the better. Maybe he has gone through a lot of life changing experiences or will be/is going through them.

Venus Leo in 12th is interesting, especially since Venus squares Moon and Pluto too. He's certainly loyal and devoted to those he loves (Leo's loyalty + Pluto's possessiveness). In 12th though, perhaps San is shy at first? Or at least very selective. It seems once he trusts/loves a person though, he really clings onto them (just look at the way he's glued to the other members and how he always says Yeosang is his. Venus square pluto behavior). Moon square Venus can add onto his attached and affectionate nature (though, many Leo venuses are just affectionate in general)

Uranus and Neptune in 5th makes for a creative and expressive individual. San clearly loves the arts and always expresses his passion in every performance. He may be a bit strange and unconventional, but I think that's just an artist thing in general

Pluto in 3rd explains his thoughtfulness so much! San is a little silly at times, but he seems to have a very deep side to him due to this placement. You can especially see it in the way he talks/writes in his letters to the members and fans - he writes in a way that pulls at heart strings (even I've gotten emotional at one of his letters and I'm not the type to get soft hearted so easily) and makes people reflect. It also explains his strong beliefs and opinions - he's such an advocate for authenticity. Pluto in 3rd folks have a very specific way of talking and thinking that makes them stand out.

Chiron in 3rd may make him feel insecure about the way he talks and thinks though - maybe San is going or has gone through a period of feeling misunderstood by others. A lot of Chiron in 3rd ppl do. Although he does like spending time with others, I think he may accidentally drive people away by oversharing and/or talking too much...He seems a bit intense and clingy, which may be overwhelming for others. Communication and self esteem is a struggle for many with this placement.

Being a Virgo rising, he may appear quiet and serious, observant and disciplined. Hard working with high standards. Pluto and Saturn aspect his ASC so it adds onto the natural stern energy he has.

North Node Leo in 11th is focused on building community, contributing to groups, and celebrating the individualities of others. I think he is doing a pretty good job at this as he's very encouraging and kind to others and is always advocating for people to simply be themselves.

Gemini MC can appear sociable, curious, and optimistic. San is a pretty positive person, I don't think I've seen him be negative to himself or others much...He always seem to be active on socials as he talks to ATINYs a lot. ATEEZ considered him one of the more talkative members in the group too.

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Other Analysis:

MBTI | Enneagram

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Masterlist

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[shenzaibird-art]

A Discussion of Soulmagic

Verloren presented his research notes to his latest visitor as he described the process of pulling magic directly from a creature's soul instead of just the physical body, a concept that none had attempted before him. He had been explaining the exact same thing to several different people lately and more often than not he was met with disdain and skepticism. He was so tired of all these mages who seemingly couldn't embrace new ideas telling him that this was too complicated and irregular to be worth it. But he did not mind what they thought about his work and continued to discuss it with others when he had the chance, trying to find more folks who could have interesting ideas for his consideration. Verloren had heard about Hyden's impressive magic skills, and how he was particularly interested in darker magics. Would he be able to see the true potential of soulmagic?

Hyden belongs to @chocodile! Just borrowing him for a sec haha

Long stupid excessive ramblings below :'D

I was working on this for a long time. Kinda had it planned for a few years actually, before I even redesigned Verloren and got obsessed with him! They're both evil mages who caused chaotic historical events and then eventually faced The Consequences and lost their powers, so I felt like there was a lot of room for crossovers hehe. I started actually working on this in December and totally thought I'd finish in January but... oh well I guess that didn't happen xD

Unfortunately, all this time spent working on this pic has allowed me to come up with a fuckton of headcanon about it, and I could not rest without spilling all of it in an obnoxiously long wall of text.

So, if I were to steal Hyden and adapt him into my setting, I think he would be a Grand Augur of Necromagic from a kingdom neighbor to Houndsdagger. Augur is a word I stole because it looks cool, but in my setting it basically means a mage that works for the kingdom and does magic research. A Grand Augur is a higher rank than an augur, typically has earned the title through their experience, but also usually they're nobles or important people. They get a seat at the royal council of magic and stuff. So yeah I think that would fit him kinda. And necromagic because it allows for some of the most powerful crafts... and because it's typically the most potentially evil of the magics lol

This probably would take place when Verloren's work with soulmagic was starting to attract private clients looking for dark powerful magics, so Hyden might have heard the rumors about a mage in Houndsdagger who could make magic from souls (of animals but also of people obviously). At first, he might have thought it was nonsense like witchcraft (non-standard magic that a lot of people consider superstition) but maybe he might have grown a bit interested once he learned that this was apparently some extremely powerful form of magic. So on the next opportunity he had to visit Houndsdagger, Hyden decided to check it out and meet this Augur Verloren.

I think this interaction could go well, but it could also go really bad.

Verloren is known for being difficult to work with and straight up hostile at times. He's very quick to judge and will not work with you if he decides that he dislikes you for any reason, so the way that Hyden approaches him would matter a lot. Some things about Verloren that I think would influence Hyden's opinions of him:

- Verloren is just an augur, and augurs typically serve under Grand Augurs, so Hyden is technically above him, although he doesn't exactly have any authority over him since he's from a different kingdom. - Verloren is also not noble or anything like that, AND he's from Vykrest. The Vykrest are a bit more animal-like in some of their ways (like growling, biting, running on all fours at times), which makes people from outside think they're somewhat uncivilized or primitive. Doesn't help their image that they're typically wary of outsiders, with some of their cities restricted to their kind alone. - Verloren also usually appears kinda arrogant, like in a "I don't have time for you" sorta way, which pisses off a lot of people who think that he should bow down to them.

But I think if Hyden is interested in what he has to offer, he would be wise enough to treat him well no matter what he actually thinks of him. And unless the other person is being actually rude to him, Verloren enjoys talking about his work and showing what he's capable of even if he doesn't like them. (It's the part of working with/for someone he hates that he won't do.)

Verloren's work is very complex and his notes and diagrams might seem to make no sense, so Hyden might be skeptical at first, but he'd probably change his mind after some demonstrations of soulmagic's power. I think he would be especially interested when Verloren gets to the part about the Triangle Workyn of Ravenbone, a craft that could permanently increase one's magic ability.

So at this point, if the conversation was going well, they might try to make a deal. Verloren offered his soulmagic services for a cost, but he was very picky about what that cost would be. He was not interested in wealth and instead he would ask his potential client what they could offer that would be really worth his time. Hyden probably would have some interesting magic knowledge to share... or maybe he would offer Ambroys' blood. I have some thoughts about what this would mean in my setting but I guess I can spare you of those ramblings and leave for some other time since it's not directly related to this pic anyway.

Aside from that payment, there would be the materials required for the craft, and for the Triangle Workyn of Ravenbone that included three victims, with their souls bound to their skulls (the process that allows you to use a soul in magic), who should be made to kill each other in order. Verloren would provide the soul-bind spells but Hyden would have to find victims and handle the killings on his own (which I think he'd be pretty capable of doing.) So once Hyden had all the required materials, they'd meet again to do the Triangle Workyn of Ravenbone on him. If everything went right, congratulations! Hyden can now output a lot more magic at once, making all of his spells stronger. Also, his bones are black now (that's what the Ravenbone in the name is about), and possibly a bit stronger too.

Overall, I think they would get along ok, but not exactly amazingly. More of a "I guess I can deal with this guy" sort of thing despite obviously having some shared interests. They'd probably have pretty good conversations about magic, but that alone.

But what if their conversation actually didn't go so nice? If Verloren refused to work with Hyden, how would he react? How would he feel about this random lowly wild-dog of a person having some unbelievably powerful magic rivaling his own and not being able to get it for himself? During Verloren's time as an augur, he gathered several enemies who'd plot his demise and attempt to have him killed and steal his work, and I think maybe Hyden might have been one of those. Eventually, some of his most influential enemies end up convincing the king of Houndsdagger to have Verloren exiled, and maybe Hyden could have been involved. It turned out to be a terrible idea however.

Ahhhh there would be more, but I think it might already be enough and maybe I should shut up...

Sorry I guess I fanfic'd too hard about our evil mages coexisting :'D

[hapan-in-exile]

WIP Wednesday - Tales from the Dark Garden

New Mandalorian x Reader one shot from me

Hey there 👋 I’ve been traveling a lot lately and I won't be back home for a while yet…but, I kinda can’t believe how much I have missed writing and spending time with my characters. Made me realize how deeply I appreciate this creative outlet!! Thank you Tumblr

While I'm at the airport, I thought I'd post something in the works since I haven't been active in a few weeks. For folks who are reading my serialized Mando fic, don't worry—I did not abandon it!

The last installment I wrote for Hapan in Exile was all smut. It was also my most popular post! Give the people what they want? And apparently, now I can’t get enough of writing erotica. Sooooo…

I’m working on a one-shot set in the same universe as my ongoing series. A sort of non-canon spinoff that's just smut.

No plot. No character development. Just sex. I'm making fanfics of my own fanfic, basically. Very meta!

Below is a snippet of the first installment. Hope you enjoy!

I should be back to posting regularly in Aug. If I can get some time to finish this up in coffee shops while traveling, I will! That honestly sounds like a great way to spend an afternoon 😌 ✨

Tales from the Dark Garden 18+

“Thank you,” the Mandalorian says disinterestedly, sliding the pile of neatly stacked credits into his waiting palm. “Please extend my gratitude to Boss Set’ki for his generous and timely payment.”

You watch him tuck the metallic ingots into one of the leather pouches sewn to his belt—right between the buckle and a string of explosive charges. There’s a dull thunk when the butt of his rifle knocks against the table’s edge as he turns to leave.

It's quite the arsenal. The bounty hunter certainly cast an imposing figure. 

It’s a miracle those shoulders made it through the hatch.  

You’d heard rumors from the other girls at Dark Garden about the fearsome Mandalorian who visited Mistress Anassa. This just happened to be one of those delightful twists gifted by the universe, where the real thing exceeds expectations. He was terrifying. And sexy as hell.

That first moment when you’d opened the door to see him standing there in full plate Beskar was a shock to the senses that would have reduced a younger Thuli into a stream of inane babbling. 

Good thing you had a lot of practice controlling your expression—the demands of professional decorum, after all. It would ruin your Mistress’s reputation if you started drooling over the customers.

The armor suited him. It accentuated the breadth of his shoulders, the strength in his forearms, and his powerfully muscular thighs. The belt slung low around his tapered waist, and the quilted canvas hinted at the taut abdominals concealed beneath.

All the adrenaline that surged through your body at the sight of his weaponry had  immediately transformed into excitement, raw and primal. 

This man made you feel…

Sweet gods, divine and merciful.

“Of course,” you smile, leaning forward to place your elbows over the polished tabletop so that your breasts rise enticingly. Lacing your fingers together, you gently rest your chin atop your knuckles. “I will happily deliver your compliments to my master.”

The Beskar gleamed in the candlelight despite an ashy layer of soot. From the state of him, he might have come straight from the lower levels where he’d tracked his quarry. Your eyes linger over the blood splattered across his helmet, sending a shiver of panic down your spine. What sort of violence had this man committed mere hours ago?

Arousal surges within you, fear and wanting intertwined. 

The gore and grime are a stark contrast to the lush surroundings. Draped in silk tapestries, with thick woolen rugs and brocade pillows, your shuttle interior was designed to be a sanctuary from the vulgar world outside. 

But you suspect the Mandalorian wrapped brutality around him as tightly as the cloak hanging from his neck. It would take a woman of considerable charm to remove either.  

Which is why Anassa chose you.      

“It is my honor to serve, Master Set’ki,” you reply, rising artfully from your chair and gesturing toward the lounge where you’ve laid out a modest tea service. “And my duty to please.”

The Mandalorian pauses midstep on his way to the door.

“Excuse me?” he asks, curiosity peaked.

Shrugging out of your robe, the silken fabric pools at your feet. You kneel onto the plush carpet before pulling back, sitting on your heels, and reaching for the enameled pot. “My master thought you would enjoy the companionship. A chance to indulge in softer luxuries before you return to the Outer Rim.” 

The Mandalorian’s helmet gives away nothing, but you can feel his eyes tracing over you.

Looking up at him through dark lashes, you explain, “The use of this ship—and myself—are yours for the night.” 

Despite the layers of cloth and metal, when he folds his arms across his chest, you see the muscles in his back ripple. He looked powerfully, almost aggressively masculine. Like someone who took what he wanted. 

And right now, he’s imagining taking you. 

The fear is still there, but by now, it had sharpened to anticipation so intense that it ached. 

“That won’t be necessary,” he says firmly. Yet, his words did not match his actions. Instead of continuing on his path toward the door, he turns to face you, uncrossing his arms to hold them at his sides.  

Is he simply nervous? Sometimes, warriors hardened on the battlefield liked to yield dominance in the bedroom. Maybe you should try throwing him against a wall and climbing him like a tree. 

No. If submission was his preference, Anassa would have chosen someone else—Katlin with her barbed whips or Bat’ya with her cruel tongue. 

You need to coax him without pushing. The subtle art of persuasion. 

Let’s start with coy seduction. 

Turning to look at him from over your shoulder, you toss your hair just so, sending shimmering waves down your back. You twist gracefully at the waist until your bodice gapes, revealing the generous contours of your body.  

“Think of it as a reward,” your voice is supple as the velvet cushions surrounding you on the floor. “Someone to take care of you. My only desire is your comfort and pleasure.”

With that, you pour the tea and walk over to him, proferring a cup.

“That is indeed generous,” the Mandalorian cocks his head. “But I usually find more comfort in solitude.”

Yet, again, he makes no attempt to leave, accepting the cup from your hand graciously. Worn leather caresses your skin as your fingers brush against each other, reaching around the warm porcelain. The jaw of his helmet lifts, and you catch a glimpse of bronze skin and coarse black hair while he raises the cup to his lips.

Surprisingly full lips.

What did he mean by offering resistance? Was this a challenge? Some test of your professional acumen?  

A skilled courtesan is, above all else, a student of human nature and hidden desires. She must know what her clients want before they speak the words. Before they know it themselves. This Mandalorian wanted to be…tempted. 

Timidity would yield nothing. 

You arch an eyebrow, “I have never known a man who preferred solitude to my company.” Then, you stare directly into the jet-black surface of his helmet’s visor. Meeting his gaze, you place a delicate hand over his chest plate and fill your voice with honey, “Let tonight be a rare exception to the usual.” 

The Beskar feels cool against your palm and the pads of your fingertips. You hadn’t realized how flushed you’d become with your heart beating this fast. The insistent yearning between your thighs matches each pulse coursing through your veins.

“I am here to satisfy your needs. Whatever the Mandalorian desires is his for the taking.” 

While the bounty hunter remains stubbornly silent, you can hear his breathing grow shallow through the modulator.

Having made your supplication, you draw back. “If it is tranquility the Mandalorian desires, perhaps I could play the valachord or sing for him?” 

“Sing?” he huffs, sounding amused. It’s funny, hearing the smirk on his lips.

Well, at least he’s not completely immune to your charm. 

“Pleasure takes many forms,” you say, flashing him a demure smile. “As such, we courtesans are skilled in many arts. I’ve been told my voice is exceedingly lovely. And I know all the Twelve Ballads of Kiergaard.”

You shift onto the edge of a thick cushion to pour yourself some tea. When you raise the cup to your lips, the look of elegant femininity slips—just for a moment, so he can see the earnest hunger filling your gaze. You fix him with your most smoldering stare, “Though I can certainly think of other ways to please you with my mouth.”

The tea tastes bitter on your tongue, but you hardly notice, waiting for his reaction.

The Mandalorian says nothing as he pulls the rifle over his head, settling it against the door frame. He walks over in a slow saunter that makes his hips dip and sway. Slowly, he extends his hand to take your face in his leather fingers, lifting up your chin. 

“You want me to fuck your mouth?”

Your breath catches in your throat. A wave of arousal courses through your body, emanating from your clenching belly until it ripples over every surface of your skin, pinching your nipples.

“If the Mandalorian—” but he cuts off whatever beguiling line you intended. 

“I thought this was about what I wanted?” he demands.

Suddenly, you’re too flustered to speak, confused by the sudden shift in dynamic. All his polite reticence had been an act. He was done testing you. He wanted to assert dominance. 

In answer, you lower your gaze.

“That’s right,” he says cooly, brushing his thumb over your cheek. “You’re remembering what you’re for.” The Mandalorian takes the cup from your hands and tosses it aside. “There’s no more need to talk. Don’t open your mouth unless I tell you.” 

Then he reaches down to his belt and unbuckles it. 

And to think you worried he’d be too self-conscious for roleplay. This is going to be so good.

---------------------------------------

to be continued...

[kanmom51]

JK live 21 July 2023 London - Part 2

cr./to the creators of the content used in this post.

How do you start a part two of such a hugely significant live?

I guess I'll continue straight from where I left off.

JK has changed, is changing, and he wants us to understand it and accept it.

JK talks about how he got his courage from us and he wants to use it to try new things, that might make army uncomfortable, so he wants to find a way to do these things but also take army into consideration because he feels like he is not alone in this, he's with us. So he wants to communicate openly with us as a friend, bringing up suggestions as to what next, laughing saying without it being a spoiler.

And he goes on...

And here's the punchline.

This is him saying: it's not all about you. As much as I love you army, this here is also about what I want and what I need to make me happy!!!

And here am I wondering if he’s only talking about the creative process.  Because to me this feels like him also telling the fandom that there are boundaries.  Boundaries to which they can expect or demand things of him.  That he too needs to be happy within this relationship with army.  And that army needs to respect that as well.

This here folks is him cutting ties with his idol identity.

He's not disconnecting from army, not at all. He's also not saying "it's all about me and my happiness", but he is saying to us "it's not all about you anymore - this is me, I'm a real person, I deserve to be happy as well. See me, acknowledge me, let me be me and be happy, and we, Jungkook and army, will find our happiness together."

JK reads one of the comments asking him if he is crying.  He answers that he is not but he is clearly emotional and continues to say that as a 25 yo man :

He struggles to find the words, but he wants us to be understanding towards him.

As you see, JK is continuously drawing that line. The one between those that love him, and he loves them back, and those that hate him, don't see him for who he is. For those that love him, he wants to give his all, and within that relationship he wants to be honest and open and natural - a friendship with us.

And this is a sentiment that is on repeat throughout the live.

Again JK talks about army cheering him on, and having to repay army but:

This live, what he was talking about, it was important army all over the world will see – hear what he is telling us.

JK talks a little about deleting IG.  Tries very diplomatically not to dis IG, but in ever so many words says that the way to show himself honestly was in the lives, even that side of him (talking about being drunk).  Not flawless. HUMAN. REAL. (less company control – this is me talking not JK).

Again, the real person JK, not the idol JK.

Thing is, in all that talk about deleting his IG account all JK did was explain why he preferred the lives, and not why he went and deleted an account with over 50 million followers, lol.

But what he’s saying is that he wants a direct line to his fans. And he thinks he can achieve it with the lives.

And there you have it folks.  The company being Hybe, not BH.  BH are the boys.  Hybe is “The company” that is trying to impose what they think the boys should be, what they should sing about, what their image needs to be, all to be able to capitalize on them as much as they can until they enlist and until their contracts are back up for negotiation.  JK has shown us in the past few months, starting with his late night lives, his deleting the IG account, the JM promotion lives, that he is done with it.  Done with what “the company” wants or expects of him.  And he wants to care even less about what the company thinks or wants of him.

Again.  Comfortable.

We talked about what that means, didn’t we?

When are you most at comfort?  When you are being yourself!  No walls, no masks, no hiding, no omitting or lying.  Being yourself.

Again talking about the friendship relationship with army…walking down the street meeting up…

JK brings up again people criticising him for doing the lives while drunk – so what? And then he goes on to talk about an interview he did in the past - he knows there are those that care about him, for them he will give his all.

JK, well aware of the voices, those that don’t like him, those that criticize him, those that hate him:

Just JK saying fuck all the ops in his very nice and polite way.

Piss off, fuck off is what he wants to say, but he's too nice, too polite to say it. He is definitely a much better person than myself, because I will very loudly and bluntly tell them just that. To fuck the hell off, go live their lives and leave him and JM alone. And that includes those that claim to care about JM and go on to back JK, because they are just as bad if not worse than 'the others'.

So if, by any chance, what JK is saying is lost in translation for those antis, then here it is:

FUCK YOU HATERS!!!

Another proud moment right there!!

Funny bunny asks for permission to go to the restroom, lol.

But before he goes,

And there you have it. 

If you were thinking for one second that I was talking out of my ass in part 1 about him having notes. He came prepared. He had things he wanted to say. Things he HAD to say, and he wanted to make sure he said it all.

JK’s back for the toilet, yay.

JK telling us, once again, he loves us.  And he sincerely does.  That’s just who JK is. People need to listen to what he tells us, not only now, but over the years what he told us too.

This here is something that made me sad:

Him saying “if I don’t get strong the reason that I am loved or cheered for disappears”.  But he also says that is what he’s communicating with us about and that we will get stronger together.  I feel like this is him talking about growing together. He's changing, he understands that the fandom will have to change as well. If army have the same expectations they had of him only a couple of years ago, well that won't work. He's grown, he's different, he wants different things for himself, and army needs to recognize that, accept it and grow from there together with him.

JK again, talking about wanting to have drinks with army.  Man is on a mission, lol.

He wants his own Suchwita style show, only with army, lol.  But the company, that is literally terrified of him, will be monitoring (he knows what he knows, lmao).

He’s asked in the comments if he would be able to handle drunk army, only to ask in return if army will be able to handle him, to which he answers that he doesn’t think they would, lol.

This JK too.

Getting comfortable while talking again about being himself during lives, even if he makes mistakes or disappoints army.  This is him.  He takes responsibility for his actions. 

"Someone who is really nice and proper..."

"Those people..."

Again JK defining the people that he cares for, as such.

Continues that he hopes army are healthy and those they care for are too. That he hopes they are happy and healthy and that “you have a lot of happy moments in life”.

But notice, this is about “good” people. 

So he's really saying that army to him, those are the good people. Those ones, he wants them to be happy.

The others, the haters, they for him are not army. He doesn't say what he wants for them, but he definitely does not wish them happiness as he does for the "nice people".

He thinks he will have to work to find that too – happiness. That is such a mature way of thinking.  Because yes, happiness, lasting happiness is not something that is given to us, it’s something that we need to earn, to work hard for, and to continue to work in retaining it.

So, towards the end is when he lands the final blow.  A big one.

"Anyways this Jungkook that you love, I hope to live up to that."

like “Oh? This isn’t the Jungkook that I know”

"Yeah, that's ok...I'm going to live my life properly."

He struggles a little with how to say it, can’t talk dirty, doesn’t want to be too nice…

At this point he has a little trouble organizing his thoughts.

He wants to live life free and fun, for himself and army.

Again the word comfortable is brought up.

That moment there literally broke my heart into tiny little pieces. It's not just the realisation that JK knows that there are people out there that hate him, it's the "there's a lot of people that hate me..." and repeating it again "there's a lot of people"...

Why anyone should have to go through life feeling hated by others, strangers, people that don't know him at all, people that make assumptions about him, people that tell lies about who he is. People that write vile hateful things about him. No one should have to go through that. But JK, humble, big hearted, loving, talented, amazing, precious man that he is, most certainly shouldn't be dealing with so much vile hate against him.

I see him seeing it. The hate towards JM and himself. I see JM seeing it. JM is silent, he just withdrew, he doesn't share his thought with us like JK does. So I'm living through JK and his hurt and disappointment. And I know that this is how JM feels as well. Like I said, no one deserves this, but those two especially don't. And it's just heartbreaking to see they know it all, and those that think they don't or that they aren't hurt to their core by it are living in denial. 

JK and JM may not see posts like these:

But they most certainly see people that express sentiments like that and worse.

I chose to link this one I just happened to come by and that infuriated me, because of how fucking ridiculous that ask was. JK ungrateful. JK arrogant, full of himself. That there are actually people that think this. To people like that, people that put these words to paper without having the basic decency to go and watch content, see what JK talks about, read what he says, go see what others that work with him NOW say about him: humble, talented, work ethic, perfectionist, soft exterior, kind and so much more, I say go fucking watch his live and count how many times he says he's grateful for army. Thankful for army. This is the ONLY member that has torn down that wall between himself and army and literally voices wanting to be friends with us, and you call him arrogant and full of himself? What planet are these people living on?

So yeah, these sentiments and way worse, they see them. They see it all!

Again, he wanted to tell us things, he came with a plan in mind.

Ok, JK at the end, the whole goodbye was hilarious. We needed some mood lightening, lol.

Time to sum it all up.

Theme throughout the live: gratefulness, thankfulness, please understand me and accept me for who I am.

Words repeated throughout the live: army, grateful, fun, happy, friend, natural, comfortable.

JK was open and sincere and very drunk. Like his drunk sleeping live is nothing compared to how drunk he was in this live. He did tell us he was out celebrating with the staff the end of his promotions and that he was drinking hard, lol.

He was also all over the place.  But I’m attributing that to his neuro-divergency.  If it wasn’t apparent up till now (let’s be honest, JK screams neuro-divergent), then the live was just so clear.  He had things to say, but you could see how he was getting distracted, couldn’t keep on track, and although liquid courage is good at times, in this case, perhaps too much of it, felt like it had the opposite effect on him. 

So on the one hand we had a drunk JK who wanted to tell us stuff, really wanted to get things off his chest. And on the other hand, a little too drunk to articulate what he wanted to say. And that's why he was a little all over the place, lol. But he's such a precious soul, and he only ever means good. Even with those that mean him harm. When talking about those that hate him, not a bad word from his mouth, even with a loosened tongue, but you could see the hurt in his face.

So what did JK say?

He loves army.

He made that abundantly clear.

No matter what, army has been by his side for 10 years supporting him even more than his own parents (he apologised to his parents for voicing this sentiment).

He wants to be friends with army.  Drink together, eat together, meet on the street and say hi casually.  Basically friend zoning army.

He isn’t a child anymore, he is an adult and he’s growing still and changing still. 

He is going to continue to do things according to his gut feelings.

And with all of that change, he’s trying to tell us that he wants us to continue and be by his side.  Continue to trust him and love him and support him even if he’s not exactly the same JK that debuted years ago.

JK establishing this friendship between himself and army and asking for us to continue to accept him and love him even if he changes, but also know that even if there are those that don’t accept it, that is not going to stop him changing. 

He wants us to know who the true JK is, even knowing there are those that don’t accept him, don’t wish him well and even hate him.  That is not going to stop him being true to himself.

And no matter who he becomes or no matter what and how much he reveals of himself, army are a part of him, and he loves them so much.

The comment with the parents it’s about showing army just how much he appreciates them standing by him, supporting him even more than his parents did since debut (he apologises to his parents for saying that). 

He needs people to see him as a grown up.  Not the maknae anymore.  Yes he’s the youngest in the group, but hardly the youngest idol out there, and it’s time for army to acknowledge that.  He needs for them to acknowledge that.  Acknowledge he’s a grown up. Acknowledge he’s an artist.  Acknowledge he is making his own artistic decisions.  Some may be right some may be wrong, but he is taking ownership over them.

He is disconnecting himself from his idol identity. He is a person, an artist, and not something that is there to fulfill the fans wants, needs, fantasies. He wants army to be happy but it's a two way street. Army needs to understand he wants and needs to be happy as well. And we can achieve that happiness together.

Another thing that came to mind was separating himself, who he is, from the others. 

And you can like or dislike what he does. It’s ok to criticise as well.  As long is it’s not malicious.  He understand that not everyone will agree with him or like what he is doing.  Just like friends don’t always agree on stuff.  All within the boundaries of appropriate discussion and no hateful behaviour.

In a way it’s a turning point for his relationship with army:

I love you. I want to continue and be friends with you. But not only have I changed and I am changing, there are parts of me you don’t know just yet, parts that I want to reveal to you as well.  And I want you to continue to love the new me.  But if you can’t, it’s ok, we don’t have to continue to be friends anymore. 

Those that care for me I care for them too.  Those that hate me, let them live their lives…

This is JK asserting himself as an individual, a mature young man and artist as of his own.  He is part of BTS, but BTS is not all that he is.  Kind of like a teenager asserting their independence within their family.  And he loves his family (army in this case), he still wants to be part of it, but he also needs to find his own path, be allowed his independence and be allowed to find his own happiness. If he's happy, so will his family be. And this here most definitley isn't only about his music or professional decisions!!

Something is coming. I just feel it in my bones.

[iocity]

Here’s a post about it WITHOUT Shuro tags since that bothered some folks. I think Shuro is a good guy, but I think he is a hypocrite AND I think he was extremely rude to Laios without consideration for his feelings. That is Laios’ sister after all. Laios having to be told that his only friend (or the person who used to be his only friend) was faking while fighting his sister who is currently half monster is just… mean. Like plain mean and rude, and he could’ve said something earlier like Laios said but he had no backbone and a crush on his sister. Laios can’t exactly make himself understand normal social concepts he is not even aware of, but Shuro COULD have been straight with him if he knew he didn’t understand. But. I do understand that he is tired and heartbroken. And I also understand that he has probably been socialized to act like that growing up. So all in all, so far I dislike him but I understand his character. I’m on episode like, 20 now.

[elliespuns]

In the prologue, how long do you think they’ve been in Jackson? A few weeks? It seems like Ellie moved straight into the «shed», why is that? Like why didn’t she live in the house with Joel? She was only 15, right?

What I always thought was that the prologue scene was happening a little while after they settled down in Jackson. Because when we take into consideration a few things, it surely didn't happen right away. 

For example, when Joel talks to Ellie, he talks about how the folks are impressed with how well she's helping out. This means they've already had to be there for a couple of days for Ellie to start joining in with other people, right?

Then there's Ellie's chemical burn. It also must have happened shortly after they arrived. She probably did it to herself in fear of the people finding out that she was bitten. It'd be hard to explain, and she just didn't want to risk putting them in danger of being exiled from the town. She already has a bandage over it; she must have gotten it taken care of in the clinic, probably. That also means they've already had to be there for a couple of days, if not weeks. 

Another thing is Joel finally talking to Tommy about what happened back at the hospital. It also seemed like they'd already been in Jackson for a while, and now he felt like it was the right time to tell his brother. This surely didn't happen overnight either.

Plus, Joel and Ellie already seem too comfortable in Jackson; they are not living there just for a couple of days. I would say weeks, if not months. We don't know what Joel's house looked like in the prologue, but judging by Ellie's house and how many things she already owned and how cozy the interior of her little shed was at the time, she had to spend some time putting it all together, right? I mean, when they came to Jackson, they had nothing. Just their backpacks.

Ellie's strange demeanor towards Joel also hints that they already had to start being estranged, which probably didn't happen overnight either. Ellie always knew he lied to her; she was trying hard to make herself believe that he was not. But it would still not stop her from acting weird around him at the time. That was also maybe one of the reasons why she ended up in the shed. She probably lived with Joel for a while before Joel, Tommy, and other folks put their heads together and made her a little house out of an old garage. Maybe it was Joel who recommended it to her when he started noticing the changes in her behavior, wanting to give her some privacy after all—which Ellie loved for sure. Knowing she would still be in his backyard, he wouldn't blink an eye to give the girl some space because she was still living under 'his roof' anyway.

As the prologue says, she is 15. The opening scene with Tommy and Joel hints that it's still spring, probably late spring by the looks of it. As already confirmed, Ellie's birthday is in the spring (her passport says so), so I'm guessing she might have already turned 15 a while before they reached Jackson. Which would make her 15 and a few months old.

To conclude this, I think they've been in Jackson for a while. I'd guess something around two months tops when we see her in the prologue talking to Joel in her 'little shed' (oh, how I love to call her house a little shed). They needed some time to settle down. Ellie has already made some friends with the people too, as previously stated. She also managed to get the chemical burn in the meantime. Joel needed some time to tell Tommy about what happened too... It all hints that this must have happened within a few months, at least.

I love her so much in this scene. She is pocket sized. Bean sized.

[thefeathercollective]

we're 99.9% sure that portuguese poet Fernando Pessoa was plural.

okay uh disclaimer. we're not a psychology or literature expert by any means. we rarely even read poetry. we only heard of this guy in high school literature class and the thought stuck with us and then we found plausible evidence lmao. also, as a plural system ourselves, we're clearly biased.

and a considerable amount of this post will be sourced from wikipedia. and this is the first time we've made a post like this. please don't come after us I'm just writing this for fun lmao

huge ramble ahead!

who even was that man

Fernando António Nogueira Pessoa (Portuguese: [fɨɾˈnɐ̃du pɨˈsoɐ]; 13 June 1888 – 30 November 1935) was a Portuguese poet, writer, literary critic, translator, publisher, and philosopher, described as one of the most significant literary figures of the 20th century and one of the greatest poets in the Portuguese language. He also wrote in and translated from English and French.

yeah that's who the man was. but what really sparked our interest in him during class and made us wonder if he was plural were his...

✨heteronyms✨

y'know pseudonyms? when someone writes under a different name than their own for whatever reason? these are similar, but the catch is that the different names have different personalities, supposed appearances, philosophies, all that shit.

the term was coined by Pessoa himself, and his heteronyms were written as if they were real people. they had detailed careers, histories, etc. he had at least 70, although I vaguely remember some other source estimating it at around 100.

"but eva, these could just be OCs or something!",

he had 3 main ones though, being Alberto Caeiro (known for interpreting the world as-is, without greater meaning or anything, like some sorta anti-poet), Álvaro de Campos (a naval engineer who even had multiple phases in his philosophy) and Ricardo Reis (who wrote with a lot of structure and rationality, and was very pessimistic).

I predict someone typing. to that, I begin my endless copy-paste + ramble about all the things that make us think the heteronyms were headmates.

I'll throw in a section of a letter Pessoa wrote to some other poet (bolding the parts I find relevant because I don't love walls of text lmao)

How do I write in the name of these three? Caeiro, through sheer and unexpected inspiration, without knowing or even suspecting that I'm going to write in his name. Ricardo Reis, after an abstract meditation, which suddenly takes concrete shape in an ode. Campos, when I feel a sudden impulse to write and don't know what. (My semi-heteronym Bernardo Soares, who in many ways resembles Álvaro de Campos, always appears when I'm sleepy or drowsy, so that my qualities of inhibition and rational thought are suspended; his prose is an endless reverie. He's a semi-heteronym because his personality, although not my own, doesn't differ from my own but is a mere mutilation of it. He's me without my rationalism and emotions. His prose is the same as mine, except for certain formal restraint that reason imposes on my own writing, and his Portuguese is exactly the same – whereas Caeiro writes bad Portuguese, Campos writes it reasonably well but with mistakes such as "me myself" instead of "I myself", etc.., and Reis writes better than I, but with a purism I find excessive…)

so not only does he describe writing Caeiro completely unexpectedly, he also gives the same sort of opinion about his heteronyms' writings that we've seen (and experienced) plural folks give about their headmates' typing or drawing styles.

hell, "writes better than I but with a purism I find excessive" is exactly my opinion of lynn when he does our assignments lmao

the semi-heteronym surfacing when Pessoa is sleepy could be some sorta dissociative state that lets a headmate come through, be it straight-up fronting or passive influence... but I'm probably forcing it too much here.

uhhh here's something on the heteronym thing from some guy called richard zenish. I bolded some parts again

For each of his 'voices', Pessoa conceived a highly distinctive poetic idiom and technique, a complex biography, a context of literary influence and polemics and, most arrestingly of all, subtle interrelations and reciprocities of awareness. [...] Pessoa was often unsure who was writing when he wrote, and it's curious that the very first item among the more than 25,000 pieces that make up his archives in the National Library of Lisbon bears the heading A. de C. (?) or B. de D. (or something else).

"okay.... they could still be characters though"

the heteronyms were aware of and sometimes interacted between themselves. wikipedia's list of Pessoa's heteronyms even has the man himself as a heteronym and pupil of Alberto Caeiro, although I don't feel like going after the source for that bit.

dear hypothetical person I'm quoting here, you're entitled to your opinion. but how about we take, say... a more DID/OSDD-y approach to things? because there's things that hint that Fernando Pessoa's plurality could be traumagenic and/or disordered too.

When Pessoa was five, his father, Joaquim de Seabra Pessôa, died of tuberculosis and less than seven months later his younger brother Jorge, aged one, also died (2 January 1889).

(written by himself about himself:) Nothing had ever obliged him to do anything. He had spent his childhood alone. He never joined any group. He never pursued a course of study. He never belonged to a crowd. The circumstances of his life were marked by that strange but rather common phenomenon – perhaps, in fact, it's true for all lives – of being tailored to the image and likeness of his instincts, which tended towards inertia and withdrawal.

(written by a schoolfellow:) For one of his age, he thought much and deeply and in a letter to me once complained of "spiritual and material encumbrances of most especial adverseness". He took no part in athletic sports of any kind and I think his spare time was spent on reading. We generally considered that he worked far too much and that he would ruin his health by so doing.

so childhood trauma, check...? at the very least this stuff doesn't sound very good for a child's mental health.

Pessoa's earliest heteronym, at the age of six, was Chevalier de Pas. Other childhood heteronyms included Dr. Pancrácio and David Merrick, followed by Charles Robert Anon, a young Englishman who became Pessoa's alter ego.

"I can remember what I believe was my first heteronym, or rather, my first nonexistent acquaintance — a certain Chevalier de Pas — through whom I wrote letters to myself when I was six years old, and whose not entirely hazy figure still has a claim on the part of my affections that borders on nostalgia. I have a less vivid memory of another figure . . . who was a kind of rival to the Chevalier de Pas. Such things occur to all children ? Undoubtedly — or perhaps. But I lived them so intensely that I live them still; their memory is so strong that I have to remind myself that they weren’t real."

oh I just found some spiritual stuff too

the appearance of the first heteronym was after his family members died so that's one thing... and like, that's not just one childhood heteronym but at least four. and well, to me they sound a bit too vivid for your average imaginary friend.

Pessoa's interest in spiritualism was truly awakened in the second half of 1915, while translating theosophist books. This was further deepened in the end of March 1916, when he suddenly started having experiences where he believed he became a medium, having experimented with automatic writing. [...] Besides automatic writing, Pessoa stated also that he had "astral" or "etherial visions" and was able to see "magnetic auras" similar to radiographic images. [...] Mediumship exerted a strong influence in Pessoa's writings, who felt "sometimes suddenly being owned by something else" or having a "very curious sensation" in the right arm, which was "lifted into the air" without his will. Looking in the mirror, Pessoa saw several times what appeared to be the heteronyms: his "face fading out" and being replaced by the one of "a bearded man", or another one, four men in total.

........

man, this wikipedia article is extensive and full of stuff that supports our silly little theory, huh.

yeah, so he attributed it to spiritual reasons which is fair and valid, but... "owned by something else" all of a sudden? the thing with the right arm sounding a lot like partial possession in tulpamancy? seeing his heteronyms' faces in the mirror?

yeahhhh.

(I'm guessing the magnetic aura thing could be some sorta derealization, contributing to the he-was-a-dissociative-system hypothesis, but that's yet another stretch on my part.)

(plus, spiritual plurality is a thing.)

oh! this thing he wrote sounds a lot like it too.

"This tendency to create around me another world . . . began in me as a young adult, when a witty remark that was completely out of keeping with who I am or think I am would sometimes and for some unknown reason occur to me, and I would immediately, spontaneously say it as if it came from some friend of mine whose name I would invent, along with biographical details, and whose figure — physiognomy, stature, dress and gestures — I would immediately see before me."

let's just do a quick google..

am I biased? yes, very much so. but y'know. you can see I have my reasons.

to see if any people with more qualifications than we have think the same about Fernando Pessoa possibly being plural lmao.

...oh, yes. contrary to what we thought a couple years ago when we had that class about the guy, other people have indeed thought the same. and written about it.

keywords "fernando pessoa mpd" give us:

this paper from 2012 (in portuguese) that... well, I *think* it claims he had mpd but it's very convoluted and abstract about it

this little... forum post? from 2009 that quotes a dead link :v

this one seems kinda cool. it regards Pessoa's positive approach to his heteronym-having as a creative condion called Pessoa Syndrome, and later mentions some Multiple Personality Order (not disorder). don't love some of its wording about mental disorders and madness... it's good to see someone consider healthy multiplicity as a thing that exists, though. it also claims Pessoa became someone with multiple personalities through his heteronymic writing, which is yet another possible origin I hadn't considered before for some fucking reason.

this one cites a dissociative process

this one straight up calls it "subject plurality"!

conclusion ig. I'm pretending to be organized here.

other keywords (like "fernando pessoa dissociative") provide some more results :0 but I've been writing this post for far too long now and would rather not read through more odd wording lmao

it really surprises me that wikipedia doesn't mention the possibility at all from what I've read and ctrl+F'ed. I thought we were being a conspiracy theorist about it but then I found even more stuff to back us up, including other people's analyses. so that's nice.

and I think this kind of thing, of plurals of the past, should be talked about more in the community. it's really interesting to say the least.

...

how does one even end a post like this one.

uhh thanks for reading!!

[panged-lin]

This is gonna be another long one, bare in mind.

Part of me always wondered why Providence wanted the Survivor to not escape the planet. The biggest threat the Contact Light posed was the teleporters on-board - just take those out of the ship and let them pass.

But then I remembered that Providence is no stranger to keeping violent creatures bound to Petrichor V when they could otherwise leave when they want to. From the Black/Portal Imp log:

Unlike the other fauna on this planet, the black imp is aggressive to all other species. Is the imp also stranded here?

And its log fron RoR2:

Worst of all, attempts to return through the portal have been unsuccessful in our weakened state. It takes considerable effort to enter [the between space] - and we lack the strength to stay there long enough to cross the membrane. We are stranded. And then there is the master of this world. Curiously, it is in his presence that we find ourselves most weakened - and when he senses us, he wastes no time in his approach.

The Imp's ability to cross the planes is weakened on Petrichor V, especially when close to Providence. In Risk of Rain and Returns they and the Overlord straight-up die in gory fashion when they're health is depleted, but in Risk of Rain 2 (where Providence is dead) they seem to be sent back to the Red Plane before they can die, their strength no longer as limited by the Bulwark of the Weak's influence.

Providence is hostile to both the Survivor and the Imps but keeps them there by defending the items they need to escape the planet (Contact Light for the Survivor and access to a portal for the Imps, possibly the Artifact of Origin which you get for beating him with a combination of other Artifacts).

It's notable that both of these stranded creatures have access to some kind of warping ability, be it the teleporters or shifting between planes of existance. Teleportation in particular is heavily coveted by Providence and his brother Mithrix, being the only way they can extend their power to beyond Petrichor V.

Something still doesn't add up, though. The Imps I can understand since Providence's possession of their artifact seems to be what's keeping them under. But the Survivor arguably wouldn't have posed a threat if the teleporters were simply removed from the Contact Light and they were allowed to go on their way. I get why he crashed the ship - it was to bring the teleporters back to the planet - but after that point they don't need to stay on the ship. If they couldn't be moved they likely wouldn't be in there to begin with.

Another idea then; did Providence keep these creatures on Petrichor V because of his love of soul? He consistently indifferent about his legendary status amongst the creatures he saves. The only times we've heard of him interacting with or reaching out to his subjects is to cleanse Mithrix's infulence from them - by deadly force in the case of the Beads of Fealty. While they flourish on Petrichor V, Providence never lets them return to their homes or find a new one to regain what they've lost. His choice of creatures to save run the gambit of intelligent almost-human lizard folk, a people fallen to a parasitic Tar (complete with a desert landscape flowing with Tar littered with giant snake (Worm?) skeletons), and even Scavengers who could threaten to rise to the same level of power as the Survivors through their kleptomanic impulses. It's an aclectic mess that - as proven by the Imps - can still include those firmly against Providence's divine rule.

Providence loves soul. He constructed Aurelionite with an excess of it, exhausting himself in the process. He traps Mithrix on the moon out of fear that he was going down a violent path that could destroy the soul-filled creatures he concerned himself with. He has a fondness for worms, which are perhaps the largest creatures on Petrichor V including his own personal Gilded Wurms. Did he keep the Imps and the Survivor from leaving peacefully because they too contained soul? He was certainly interested in keeping humanity on Petrichor V if given the chance as with the Commencement log:

I know the planet you trail – of water and dirt. You fear their stability. That they will consume themselves.

He's a curious one, that much is certain.

At the same time, a peaceful confrontation might not have been on the table with Providence being the one to kill almost all the crew aboard Contact Light to begin with. The creatures on Petrichor V may have recognised that whatever Providence knocked down was a threat to their way of life and moved to attack outside his influence, pushing the Survivor to horrendous means to... survive, the experiences on the way to Providence molding them into a threat that he could not allow to persist lest they kill more soulful beings. And that's likely the solution to the puzzle; a chain of events that led to neither side having an option but to kill the other due to decisions made independant of - albiet influenced by - the other. Providence forcing them to find a means of escape, the creatures thinking they were under threat by something that caused their god to turn his head, the Survivor going to grisly means to leave as a result.

That answer would gel with the running thread of Risk of Rain; flawed people making decisions based on what they see, with those decisions trickling down and creating horrific consequences as a result. Providence's own reluctance to explain himself is one of his biggest flaws and what ultimately led to the downfall of himself, his brother, and the planet as a whole. All because he felt the need to go to dire lengths to prevent harm. Those means would create the very circumstances for the ones hes stifling to seek the same great, often terrible power Providence himself holds in order to exact their own wants more brutally than he could manage. I'm not entirely sure if Providence even knew the Survivor was alive on the planet until they were on - or close to - the Contact Light. With this idea in mind it's hard to believe he kept them there on purpose. He's powerful, sure, but not omnipotent or omnipresent.

Oh right, the Imps. They might honestly be another creature Providence saught to keep and had to deal with the consequences. Or he saw them as a threat to soul and aimed to prevent them from crossing into our plane, from butchering any life they encountered, and picking off the ones that were on Petrichor V when this occured. His relationship with them is very different from other creatures - even compared to the similarly hostile Void which he completely held back to the point they aren't even seen until RoR2 (because they weren't written at that point nor retroactively introduced in Returns). I'm kinda sad we didn't get any further expansion on them like we did with the Void. Ah well.

[jbaileyfansite]

Jonathan Bailey's interview with The Standard (2023)

(TW: this interview contains a story of Jonny being threatened by an homophobe in DC the day after the Human Campain Rights Gala)

Queer as Folk, Will & Grace, It’s a Sin: it’s not as if TV hasn’t tackled the gay male experience – and well – before. But I can’t think of a gay, straight (as it were) drama that matches the sweep and sheer mainstream gloss of Ron Nyswaner’s new eight-part Paramount+ series Fellow Travelers. 

Nor can I think of one that does sex quite as brilliantly – frequent, searingly hot, sometimes tender, sometimes perfunctory, sometimes borderline brutal (one of the writers’ rules, Nyswaner has said, was “that we would never repeat the same act. When we got to episode eight, we were really kind of flummoxed”) and always articulate in a way that the necessarily secretive characters can’t be.  

It’s certainly the first series I’ve seen that explores gay relationships in such an unapologetic yet nuanced and, frankly, expensive way, I tell Bailey, when I meet him at the Corinthia hotel in London. 

“Totally,” he says. “And you can see it on the screen; the respect. In the early 90s, you needed a straight superstar like Tom Hanks [in Philadelphia, also written by Nyswaner] to bring a queer story and commission it. Cut to thirty years later, and it's the story itself that is the commissionable thing.”

I think the heartthrob star of Bridgerton is underselling his own clout a bit. The series follows the love affair between Tim Laughlin, an idealistic young congressional staffer (Bailey), and the vastly more experienced, cynical and outrageously handsome State Department official Hawkins ‘Hawk’ Fuller (Matt Bomer, whose all-American jawline could open a can of luncheon meat) that begins at the height of McCarthyism.

It jumps around a thirty-year timeline, expanded beyond the mid-century scope of Thomas Mallon’s original novel, to explore the relationship’s far-reaching repercussions, and the way that legislated oppression shapes people.

The other thing that stands out about the series, which begins in 1953 at the start of the Lavender Scare – the government crackdown on homosexual federal employees that resulted in upwards of 5,000 losing their jobs, and an alarming number taking their own lives – is that all the gay leads are played by out gay actors.

Bailey has said before that the important thing is gay stories being told, rather than slavishly ‘appropriate’ casting, and “I still 100 per cent stand by the fact that I think all actors should be able to do everything,” he says. “But to have gay actors chronicling the oppression and the trauma of it, I think it only adds to the experience. It's exciting that people welcome it.”

It’s encouraging too, that an out gay man was trusted to anchor a heteromantic behemoth like Bridgerton, to the point that having been snapped at Wimbledon with Ariana Grande (with whom he stars next year in the movie of Wicked), a newspaper was calling his agent threatening to out him as straight (“I'm in two minds about whether that's a really good sign of progression”). But all this progress is set against a sobering backdrop.

Rights for women and LGBTQ+ people are being rolled back across the world. Hate crimes based on sexuality have risen by 112 per cent in the last five years in England and Wales alone. How does he feel, right now, I ask him. After a moment’s consideration, he tells me a story that shocks me to my core.

He’d been to Washington DC, he tells me, at an annual event for the LGBTQ+ organisation The Human Rights Campaign. 

“It was an incredible experience,” he says, sitting one leg tucked under on a tasteful beige chaise longue. “I met President Biden. I was there with Shonda Rhimes, she was being given an award, Matt Bomer was given another one; I was introducing him. My first political gala. I had the most amazing night; had a drink; couldn't sleep; buzzing.

“I woke up the next morning, it was like a montage. Sunshine, I was like, this is brilliant. I went into a coffee shop, and I was wearing a Human Rights Campaign cap from the night before. And the young lady who I was ordering from recognised me from Bridgerton, we were just chatting.

“And a man arrived behind me and he said, ‘Are you famous?’ And I said something like, 'I'm really famous for ordering coffee,' which is actually quite an annoying thing to say,” he laughs. “And then he got my cap, and he pulled it off my head and he threw it across the room and he said, ‘get out of this f***ing coffee shop, you queer.”

The room went still, Bailey remembers. But he walked over, picked up his hat, and put it back on his head. “If you don't take that cap off, I'm gonna f***ing shoot you,” it came again. “Where I'm from, people like me kill people like you.”

It was, of course, terrifying. But “in the moment, everything slows down,” he says. “No one knew what to do, apart from one girl, she was amazing. Angela, she came up, and she got her phone out and she said, ‘I'm recording this message, I think you are welcome in this country. And what you're saying, I think, is appalling.’ That happened sort of five minutes in, and he left.”

The man was from Pennsylvania (yes, Bailey did ask), and what Bailey took from the experience, he says, is that “potentially, there is a kid who – that's his father. That's his uncle. That's his teacher.” 

He pauses. “My life was threatened. My body believed it; my brain didn't and it took me a while to really catch up with it. But I've got friends and security. There are so many people that don't. They are surrounded by that every day, and the torment of what that must be like, the amount of fear that was generated... If that's what children are surrounded by, they're not going to be able to grow in any way.

“And of course, that's not just an American story,” he continues. “It's international. And it's terrifying, that [here in the UK] we're not looking after queer people, in terms of allowing them into the country. Because that is the reality; people’s lives are literally at risk.”

He says the messages he’s been getting in response to the show bear this out. “People are still living in the closet. Or they’ve had a moment where they're watching and they realise, that was their father's story, or their mother's story; or it’s people who have been affected by this, but for the first time are understanding the trauma.

“People are so shocked that this is such recent history, but the majority of people in the world are living under that sort of belief system. And people on Instagram message from areas in the world where just getting through the day without being outed is survival.”

Bailey, 35, grew up in rural Oxfordshire as the youngest of four and the only boy to an audiologist mother and a father who worked for Rowse Honey. He had nothing but support and love within his family, but even he internalised shame from the way gay people were represented in the media when he was growing up. 

“The majority of gay people were either the butt of jokes, or being caught in sexual acts and considered deviants, or they were committing suicide, or they're dying of AIDS,” he says. 

He’s spoken before about an episode of Casualty he saw, aged 11, with exactly the latter storyline, “and I do remember that episode, viscerally, and crying and being like, that's what I'm [going to be]. And that isn't Casualty’s fault. It's brilliant to have that story out there. But it was the lack of variety, of access to being allowed to feel that you're going to be okay.”

Having said that, he says, “every five years is a different gay generation. It was nowhere near as tough as if I'd have been born 15 years earlier. Me and my friends, two in four, if not three in four, would not be here.” 

His relationship status is off-limits. There’s “a lovely man”, but that’s all he’ll say. “It's not secret, but it's private,” he says. “Having a private life is, for me, completely critical. I don't know if I would be able to be as confident to speak out on other things if I felt that my whole life was up for grabs.”

Bailey’s next big screen project is Wicked, playing Fiyero alongside Grande as Glinda and Cynthia Erivo as Elphaba. At one point though, he was doing that, Fellow Travelers and Bridgerton at the same time, which sounds insane.

“On World AIDS Day last year, I was in Canada playing Tim on the AIDS ward,” he says (you know this from the start, no spoilers here). “And then I wrapped, went straight to the airport, slept on the plane, got up and went straight to a Regency ball, slept in a hotel in London overnight and then went and danced with Ariana Grande for a day, my first day of rehearsal. Then I came back and burnt some conscription papers for the Vietnam War on the Monday.”

He’s got big plans of his own too – galvanised by the gala in Washington, he’s been working with the charity Just Like Us, which brings queer speakers into schools. "You're twice as likely to be bullied if you're gay, or queer," he says. "And yet if there's positive LGBTQ+ messaging within the school system, 100 per cent of people's mental health and happiness increases. It's a no brainer." He is planning to establish a foundation next year, to consolidate his charitable work.

But for now he’s glad to be home for a bit. Bailey moved out of London to be closer to his Nana during lockdown, and stayed (“I was watching Strictly with her the other day”). She’s 93, born in 1930, so “we worked out she's the same age as Tim. So we charted everything that Tim experiences with where she was, and it was amazing,” he says.

“I knew that she had known one gay man at work in her life, because that obviously came up when I was having conversations about who I am, and I knew he had taken his own life. She's watching Fellow Travelers, and it's really emotional for her because she's, I think for the first time, really being allowed to understand what might have been going on.”

She's “blown away” by the show, he says. They haven’t talked about “specific scenes”, but “she said to my sister – ‘I didn't know he had it in him.’ I actually want that on a T-shirt.”

Source

[deermouth]

Just gonna ramble about the most recent ep of legion I watched bc it has to go somewhere instead of sitting in my brain. 5 minutes of lunch break let's gooo

The Legion episode I watched last night was a multiverse thing, which, like, yes I am in agreement that the current rash of multiverse slop for the sake of franchise expansion is. bad. and yes, this is technically a marvel show and thus in constant danger of slopification, BUT this thing came out before the current trend and was done well imo. Definitely with a degree of silliness and melodrama and questionable age-makeup, but that's fine. The setup was, essentially, David looking at different paths his life could have taken and choosing to assert his own current reality despite the emotional pain it's causing him.

The point of this post is there was one of these realities where he's still dxed schizophrenic, living with his sister, working a menial labor job on what is clearly a high dose of antipsychotics. And sure there's a lot of "ooh the pills don't let me think straight" narratives out there that I usually find hammy and unnuanced, but I really appreciated this show's portrayal of a "recovered" schizophrenic, where the given value of "recovery" is "so cognitively/affectively dampened by years of sedatives that he doesn't have to be institutionalized anymore and can stack boxes for 8 hrs a day! Yay!" No consideration for his happiness of course. And this timeline ends in traumatic death via police, (which was imo staged in an over the top manner, but hey, it's a superhero show about a guy with telepathic powers) and I just like. Idk I appreciated the kind of bitter honesty in a portrayal of what a lot of people consider "recovery" for schizophrenic folks. Not from a gritty hopeless "it has to be this way," perspective, more like "hey maybe people shouldn't have to live like this." The show seems interested in what it means to inhabit the label of "schizophrenic" more than rehashing the tired trope of Guy Who's Not Really Crazy Bc He Has Real Powers. Also I dunno that I've seen a lot of portrayals of "guy who has been on lots of antipsychotics for like a decade," that actually feel true, which I appreciated.