#but also one of the poems is about being trans and does not make a ton of sense without that context sooooooo....

[vulpinesaint]

cis people are so funny. i turned in a poem for workshop a couple weeks ago about watching your body rot away around you (gender dysphoria) and opened my reading of it by reminding people of my pronouns (not specifically to go 'this poem is about being trans' but because i honestly had not said my pronouns to this class yet and i wanted my professor to know before he referred to me for the comments) and One girl opened her comment by saying "yeah, i saw your pronouns on canvas and i figured that the subject matter was related to that..." and then Nobody Spoke About Transgenderism For The Rest Of The Class. closest it got was referencing the narrator's discomfort with their body (the explicit focus of the poem). like y'all it's okay you can say the word trans it's kind of important to the piece lmao

[jesncin]

Firstly, I loved Lunar Boy and congrats on the Harvey nom! Also wanted to know if you have any recommendations for stories (any medium, any demographic) that you think has a nuanced take on the intersection between race and queer/trans identity? it's really easy (for me at least) to feel pretty doom-and-gloom about the overwhelming whiteness of queer rep but no! the intersectionality we crave is out there! you just have to look for it!

p.s I really enjoy your approach to criticism and have enjoyed reading your recent posts. I genuinely think it's making me a more thoughtful viewer.

Thank you for the kind words on Lunar Boy and our media criticism!! ;0; Ooh yes! Here's my list of recs for QPOC stories:

Our Dreams At Dusk by Yuhki Kamatani. While race isn't directly talked about, it's still specific to the realities of being queer and Japanese. This short manga series inspired a lot of Lunar Boy.

Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender. YA novel about a trans masc Black teen going through love triangle shenanigans and self discovery.

The Henna Wars by Adiba Jaigirdar (this author does a ton of sapphic novels I believe). YA novel about two girls starting a rival henna business but perhaps?? Love?? Happens??

The Ribbon Skirt by Cameron Mukwa. This MG graphic novel is available for preorder now, and is written and drawn by a friend of mine :3 the story is about a 2 Spirit child who wants to create a ribbon skirt to wear for the upcoming powwow.

Sergius Seeks Bacchus by Norman Erikson Pasaribu. A collection of poems (translated into English by Tiffany Tsao) covering an array of genres and stories. Beautifully touching queer Indonesian writing, I recommend anything Norman writes.

These are harder to find but for more queer Indonesian film there's Memories of My Body (coming of age story about a Lengger Lanang dancer, Indonesia's drag dance tradition), Lovely Man (a religious young woman seeks to reunite with her estranged father, who is now a waria sex worker) Madame X (extremely camp queer SUPERHERO MOVIE about a trans woman fighting a violent hate group).

Idk if this is available anymore, but I adore To All The White Girls I Loved Before by Sarula Bao. A short comic from Short Box's annual digital Comics Fair (which I recommend keeping an eye out for comics in the indie scene). It's about the author's unflattering desire to assimilate with the white girls she had crushes on. Some pages are on her site.

Those are what immediately come to mind for me but I'm sure I'm forgetting more!! These are the ones that directly engage with the intersection of being queer and POC, as opposed to a character being incidentally QPOC.

[queer-reader-07]

if you would allow me to be sappy on main for a moment, i think there is something so powerful in choosing to fall in love with the world and with the human story.

i can't speak for everyone, but i know that i went through a period in my life where i was nothing but cynical and nihilistic about the world. i had convinced myself that nothing mattered, that if the world fell apart before my eyes it was what we deserved.

but here's the thing, cynicism isn't sustainable. you are never going to be able to find joy in this world if you convince yourself everything sucks and there's no joy to even be found in the first place.

yeah, sometimes the world does suck. sometimes all i want to do is curl up in a corner and sob because i'm violently scared that my loved ones won't come home safe because they dared to exist as themselves in this world. i cannot put into words the levels of fear i felt for my mom's safety during 2020/2021 when anti-asian hate spiked in the US, i worried everyday that she would not come home because how dare she exist as an asian woman in this country. when anti-trans legislation started picking up steam i was, and still am, scared for the safety of myself and all the trans people i know. the world sucks sometimes, people suck sometimes. but i refuse to let myself give up.

i want to believe in beauty of the world, i want to be able to revel in the fact that we are alive, that i am alive. and that our being alive means that we can create beauty and wonder and joy.

i get to enjoy the art that people create, because oh how special is it that we create art? that i can open my phone and read beautiful words crafted by people oceans and countries away. that i can bask in the beauty of the drawings and paintings people so kindly share with the world. that i can walk into a library and be surrounded by generations of stories that i have the privilege of reading. that i can go to a concert and experience the transcendence of live music.

but i also get to experience the beauty of nature. i get to watch as the clouds turn pink on my early morning drives to school. i get to take photos of the cherry blossoms in the few weeks that they turn pink in the spring. i get to look out my car window on a clear day and see the mountain grace us with her beauty.

i am alive. we are alive. why should we waste this life wallowing in cynical despair?

i have to believe in the world. i have to believe in the human story. i have to hold onto the hope that life is worth living and that things will get better. i am reminded of that hope every time i see art that makes me feel alive, every time i read a book or a poem or a story that makes me feel like being a human is a beautiful thing, every time a song transports me into a new world. i am reminded of that hope every time i talk to my friends and am reminded of why i love them so deeply. i am reminded of that hope every time i learn something new and feel the joy of new beginnings and new experiences wash over me.

i hope. and that is a powerful thing. it is a powerful thing to hope and to love and to believe. to hope for a better world. to love the world. to believe in the world.

a friend told me recently that i love and care for humanity fiercely and gently. and i think that's the root of it all. i don't just love my people, i love people. i love the human story, i believe in the human story, i have hope for our story.

it is powerful to love and believe and hope when you exist within a society that wants to beat you down. it is powerful to love and believe and hope when you are the "other" in the social order. it is powerful to love and believe and hope when you used to think you were not worthy of those things.

it's hard to love and to hope and to believe. but i have to, for my own survival. i have to allow myself to fall in love with the world. i have to allow myself to believe. i have to allow myself to hope. because for so long i didn't allow myself those things. and i think that is a powerful thing, that i can allow myself those things now.

[littlesparklight]

While Artemis being a misandrist has no bases in reality what do you of the claim that Athena is a misogynist I’ve seen many websites and videos claim that she is a pick me and that she never helps women and unlike man-hating Artemis it does seem to have more seem to have more bases in mythology like we see in Aeschylus’ Eumenides where she claims that she would support men over women no matter what and in mythology it doesn’t seem to show her being charitable to women even to her own priestesses(auge)

I really don't think one can say such a thing (or things, for the "man-hating" bit as well) about Athena in specific and in general about the gods. Aside from a general statement acknowledging the culture and attitudes the myths were formed in, or were treated in in various ways (tragedies, poems, prose stories, etc).

It's also not even true that Athena doesn't aid/show favour to women and girls, so such a claim that she never does so or is a misogynist isn't... even really true anyway. Like yeah, of course there's her statements in the Eumenides, but she is, after all, out to absolve Orestes (he's a suppliant at her altar!), even if she's the "neutral" deciding vote. She has Motives to be saying what she's saying, as much as Apollo does in that trial.

And when it comes to, say, Auge, there's very obviously some very strict rules and social mores of what is allowed to be done or left within a sacred precinct (regardless of the reason it's done or something is left there). And in the myths the gods can, provably and unlike in our "historical" reality, make their displeasure known when the purity of the temple grounds is being defiled.

Antoninus Liberalis, Metamorphoses 25 (trans. Celoria) (Greek mythographer C2nd A.D.) : "In Boiotia Orion, son of Hyrieos, had as daughters Metiokhe and Menippe. After Artemis had taken him away from the sight of mankind, they were brought up by their mother. Athena taught them to weave the loom and Aphrodite gave them beauty."

Pausanias, Description of Greece 10. 30. 1 (trans. Jones) (Greek travelogue C2nd A.D.) : "The daughters of Pandareos . . . were reared as orphans by Aphrodite and received gifts from other goddesses: from Hera wisdom and beauty of form, from Artemis high stature, from Athena schooling in the works that befit women."

Hesiod, Catalogues of Women Fragment 7 (from Berlin Papyri No 7497 & Oxyrhynchus Papyri 421) (trans. Evelyn-White) (Greek epic C8th or 7th B.C.) : "Eurynome the daughter of Nisos, Pandion's son, to whom Pallas Athene taught all her art, both wit and wisdom too; for she was as wise as the gods. A marvellous scent rose from her silvern raiment as she moved, and beauty was wafted from her eyes. Her, then, Glaukos sought to win by Athena's advising, and he drove oxen [as a bride gift] for her."

Some myths of Athena showing favour to women/girls! Just because they're focused on teaching "womanly" domestic craft doesn't make it any less favour, being given directly by Athena, after all. (There's also two more when she, like many other deities, transform someone to help them avoid assault.) So yeah, those videos and websites are just wrong about such a claim!

[banghwa]

Like Crazy (2023) as a discussion of (queer) loneliness 

hiiii anyways i keep saying Like Crazy is incredibly bisexual/queer and its been hard to explain why without writing an essay so. without further ado:

*DISCLAIMER* I am not claiming I know anything about how Jimin identifies or the intended message of the album, nor am I claiming my interpretation as above any other. This is just my reading of FACE and Like Crazy as a gay person of colour and a grad student writing a thesis on transness where I discuss topics of loneliness as a systemic form of violence and intimacy. I am also looking at this from a very Western perspective; though I know there are likely many Korean and likely queer Korean authors, theorists, and poets evoking similar ideas, I’ll be making reference to authors that I am familiar with who are better known in a Western context.

Loneliness as a cycle of abjection

“I want to introduce Jimin’s true feelings that I didn’t bring up anywhere else. I looked back on myself and honestly expressed my […] emptiness and loneliness.”

I don’t think it would take a particularly high level of analysis to conclude that FACE, and Like Crazy more specifically, are meant to explore loneliness as a process of self-alienation. Non-binary author Olivia Laing describes the cycle of loneliness as one where: 

“[…] the lonelier a person gets, the less adept they become at navigating social currents. Loneliness grows around them, like mould or fur, a prophylactic that inhibits contact, no matter how badly contact is desired. Loneliness is accretive, extending and perpetuating itself.” 

It’s very clear from the beginning of the music video for Like Crazy that Jimin struggles with reconciling a comfort in loneliness with a need to experience intimacy. Regardless of his efforts, the rot of loneliness is never far, seeps in through the walls and stains his hands. As (ironically) relatable of an experience as loneliness is, it does not occur in a vacuum. Rather, the unique experience of queer loneliness and rejection is one riddled by othering from acceptable sexuality and gender experiences and an inability to be framed within normative categories. Robert Phillips, scholar in language analysis as it pertains to gay male sexuality, wrote on abjection through a trans studies framework. To him, the process of horror or unease that defines abjection, through which the “other” is separated from and by an “us,” goes beyond “casting out” and becomes more interactive process; the hegemonic is protected by rejecting whatever does not conform, that is ambiguous, that does not fit in box. “The anxiety at the root of this unease with transgender subjectivity can be traced back, in part, to a fear of the ambiguous.” Loneliness, like queerness, acts as a sort of mark of Cain, a characteristic that becomes so impeded in our being that it if first noticeable and then rejectable. 

Despite being marked by loneliness, Jimin is the center of attention for the first act of the music video, featuring him crowd surfing and posing delicately for pictures. Yet, despite his yearning, he makes no move for intimacy. The music video implies the possibility that it is the result of this very hypervisibility as a figure of softness and boyishness, inviting parallels to be made here with the foucauldian references and the power play between surveillance and identity in other areas of the album, namely Set Me Free Pt. 2 (a discussion for another post for another time…..).

Hedonism as an escape

“[Like Crazy] expresses the emotions of the moment when you run away from reality to forget your wounds.”

The overlap between loneliness and overt sexuality is why eroticism is so culturally important to queer communities. Like Crazy explores desire and intimacy through what can be called a queer lens, as an escape and as an unsuccessful means to being perceived and acknowledged outside of suffering. The whole poem is absolutely beautiful, but a specific excerpt of gay Asian-American poet Ocean Vuong’s On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous comes to mind: “Don’t we touch each other just to prove we are still here? I was still here once.” As Like Crazy, Vuong’s poem discusses intimacy as the antithesis to loneliness. To be intimate is to come out of ones self.  The erotic becomes an avenue to salvation (I will permit myself a little shoutout to Christian mythos by drawing parallel to the Song of Songs - we all dream of kissing God, of laying with the presence of something larger than us, and finding deliverance from it!). 

Like Crazy communicates a power struggle between desperation for intimacy and an addiction to loneliness. What Jimin says about it and the juxtaposition with the actual visuals of the music video paints the picture of an attempt to build closeness on the foundations of perpetual solitude. In Like Crazy, closeness is futile. Loneliness becomes a lifelong lover, and intimacy an occasional affair. Though still better than perpetual solitude, it is marked by disillusion: “I’d rather be lost in the light.” Rather than evoke the image of a passionate one-night-stand, it acknowledges of the persistence of loneliness. queer latino write John Paul Brammer evokes this feeling: 

“Loneliness, I find, continues too. Our relationship with solitude is one of the most important ones we have in this life. No matter how full and vibrant and loud we make things, the quiet always finds us.”

Despite Jimin’s desires for closeness, we don’t actually see him making any move for closeness. Rather, despite his best efforts, he walks against the course of those around him in a repeated shot before knocking the camera’s lens away; again, a parallel to the surveillance of set me free, as well as a possible denial of him pace against the grain.

Queer desires and longing

“Let me have a taste / Give me a good ride.”

For non-queer people, what is difficult to understand in the particularities of queer loneliness is its entwining with desire. It’s an unspeakable yearning - as much in the ways it is indescribable as it is often life-threatening to do so. It is a profound sense of non-belonging felt in the knowledge that you are not as others are or see you because of a fundamental issue with how - and for whom - you experience desire. As a result, the erotic and sexuality along the margins of what is normative, i.e. reproductive cisgender heterosexual missionary sex after marriage, are profoundly radical and embodied manifestations of queer desire: kink, bondage, leather, sadomasochism, casual sex, chemsex, etc. all contribute to this expression of queer intimacy and self actualization.

I know I’m being a little dramatic in the set-up here but it is really difficult to try to explain this inherent outcasthood to straight people. It is such a specific experience that is so untranslatable, and yet it is a feeling that I pick up so strongly in the Like Crazy music video. The remedying of sexuality with the profound alienation that queer people feel up until, very often, a dramatic and self-destructive discovery in young-adulthood, is something that straight/cis people just can’t understand. Leading African queer scholar and (erotic) writer Keguro Macharia writes: 

“what is the taste of loneliness? / salt-bitter-sweet-nothing / after midnight, in cars, in booths in sex shops, in dark bedrooms, in anonymous hotel rooms, encounter after encounter, trading orgasms for ‘hold me’ and ‘let’s cuddle’ ‘if I suck you off, will you cuddle with me’ ‘if I let you fuck me, will you cuddle with me’.”

I’m not knowledgeable on kink culture so I won’t get too into it but I think it’s really interesting how submissive the lyrics come off. What is striking about the way Like Crazy approaches desire that sets it apart from any generic “we found love in this club”-type pop song is its desperate tone rather than one that boasts virility with promises of a “good time.” Instead, Jimin is the one pleading.

Queer loneliness as liberation

“She’s saying, ‘Baby, don’t think about it / There’s not a bad thing here tonight.”

Like Vuong’s poem, Like Crazy could also become a larger question on a heterosexual culture that is increasingly anxious about bodies and touch. The music video can be clocked as having the intention to discuss the erotic - the Robert Mapplethorpe reference is enough to assert this - yet it does so very tamely. Everyone is clothed, no one touches too much, the atmosphere is fun, chill, controlled. Jimin, despite his expressed desperation for closeness and hedonism as told through the lyrics and through his interaction with those at the party, through the careless throwing back of shots, does not find what he needs. The environment is too controlled, too “straight” (as in “proper,” or “innocuous”). He himself does not find any intimacy. He stays at the center of it all, untouched, and not daring to get closer. 

Something that is reflected by a lot of trans theory writers (some whom I’ve read including Paisley Currah and Dean Spade) is that the normalization process in inclusion produces and reproduces ideas on who is and “insider” and who is an “outsider.” I read a bit of Melissa Caroll’s thesis on the political implications of queer loneliness as part of my own (much shorter) thesis. In it she discusses how “straight” culture, through the aforementioned social accounting processes, delimit the realm of the socially accessible, in a process Denise Riley calls loneliness. Caroll says: 

“Currently, any public declaration that “I am lonely” presumes that we are registering this feeling based on what we have been led to believe that loneliness, as a term, means: sad, alone, lacking, in need or want of friends, odd, bizarre, queer, and unhappy.”

Heteronormative abjection of queer and trans modes of being are increasingly reclaimed as constructive and disruptive political strategies. As postmodernist feminist scholar Julia Kristeva writes, abjection is “the place where meaning collapses.” Rejection of inclusion to instead embody abjection and loneliness is another cornerstone of queer self-affirmation that is explored, again, through the erotic and the sexually obscene. The tame nature of the music video, Jimin’s desperation, implies a dissociation from himself and a refusal to face himself. There is an acknowledgement of the futility of his desires for closeness beyond what he is “marked” for, that it will “break” him yet he refuses to be “saved.”

So, regardless of whether Like Crazy truly is an attempt to explore the unique nuances of queer loneliness, it is clear that what it does discuss is struggle against self. The music video depicts not romantic rejection or conflict, but rather an imposed alienation. A self-rejection from an objected self and from a normative way of life. The stained, leather clad hand presumably belonging to Jimin himself dragging him to the party, the knocking away of the camera as a refusal to accept a self or to showcase that “wound,” the interplay between the warm shots of androgyny and desire contrasted with the cool setting of the club. The premise of the music video and its use of a movie itself is a refraction of this longing and abjection in a way; what does it say to attempt to translate a profound feeling of disorientation and loneliness within a normative context through the reference of a romance film featuring a White, conventionally attractive, heterosexual, cisgender, normative couple as a man of colour often read as gender non-conforming? 

TLDR: Whether Like Crazy or FACE globally means to discuss queer loneliness and desire, the way they are ultimately explored and the play on gender and belonging imply a framework that is, intentionally or not, queer. 

[c9kefestation]

Heyo!! :3!

Heard you had some Penguin Band hcs, care to share what they are? The Penguin Band is so coolness

OMG I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS QUESTION THIS EARLY AAAAAAAAAAA /POS

even though im very happy to be sharing them im also very nervous aswell. i was rlly overthinking my hcs how to word them, which ones to add cuz there are a lot of micro ones, throughout my time writing this, hence why it took me so long to respond. however i think its just best to kinda bite the bullet cuz youll never know how ppl will feel ab them if u dont talk ab them.

tried to keep these hcs more generalized and keep some of the more basic ones, alongside throwing in some more fun ones. any details or other hcs that arent here will prob show up in future content

with all that being said, pls let me know if any of these hcs stray way too far from the canon or come off as wrong or offensive

LETS START!

Franky:

Trans! (love how this is a universal hc in the fandom lmao) he/him

Dyslexic, Stompin' Bob is mainly the one who lends him a helping hand when he's having a hard time

When he's stressed or nervous he'll pick at the feathers on his flippers (kinda like picking at nails/skin)

He can be very self conscious about his appearance/body (this was especially heavy during his first years in the band). Ofc his bandmates and Cadence are always there to reassure him and comfort him whenever it bothers him

His main love language/way of showing affection is words of affection, correlating to the previous hc

He's a big mamas boy TEEHEE

He loves snacks (especially limited edition ones) and freshly cut fruit

Petey K:

Trans aswell! he/they

ADHD

When in thought, heavily stressed or nervous, he'll bite his flipper(s) or the inside of his mouth.

His love language is gift giving and physical affection (cuddles and such)!

When they stick with their band, he'll usually stand pretty close behind one of them or hold onto their shoulder so as to kinda ground himself.

He REALLY hates seaweed, he finds it overstimulating and disgusting

He usually has a sensitive stomach, although he can be a bit careless with this at times, he tries his best to be wary of what he eats and drinks

They're very crafty and artsy. A lot of their gifts are handmade!

Although this kinda doesnt match up with his outfit, he likes to wear long sleeved shirts

He's near-sighted. Even though they have myopia glasses they always stick to using contact lenses

G Billy:

Gay and/or MLM, he/him

Neurodivergent

When he's very stressed or overstimulated, he'll hit his head or squint his eyes heavily

His love language is acts of service, he's more of a man of action, mainly he cooks for his friends, memorizes their favorite meals, or brings them stuff when they need them

He and Cadence are step siblings! Him being the oldest (his dad and her mom being their parents)

Unlike Petey, he really likes seaweed! So if Petey ever has seaweed on their plate, they throw it over to him

He's camera shy! He's more comfortable in photos when he's with his friends or family, but paparazzi type situations can really stress him out

Although he does like to party, he tends to stay a bit reserved and cautious

and finally...Stompin' Bob:

Either Bisexual or a Straight Ally, he/him

He has two moms and 3 siblings

When in thought,anxious,stressed he'll twirl his hair or pull it

His love languages are words of affection and gift giving? he basically writes poems and cards and gives them as gifts or he sends articles to his friends abt smth he overheard them saying they liked

He has the biggest passion for music and can get very serious with it, often overworking himself and staying up to make songs

He's the most hot-headed and defensive, either over his passions, friends and family, it's not that he's mean, it's just that he cares a lot

He's far-sighted so he uses reading glasses.

And i think ill end it here for now, ik theyre kinda messy but i tried my best to give a fulfilling answer. Hope you like 'em! And ty for asking op!

Edit: ALMOST FORGOT 2 HCS FOR SB AND PK </3 they're there now

[davyjoneslockr]

Yes yes I'm sending more playlist related questions because these are fun. So The Rain The Park And The Other Things on the Fugio playlist caught my eye..ear? And it reminded me of the song Send me no flowers by Doris Day and I like that a lot.

Everybody says that Strawberry Blonde is very them coded but nobody explains why. I'm curious about your interpretation :D

Also does the Naramis playlist tackle the sad side of their relationship? How, you know, Narancia isn't there anymore. I appreciate that a lot about this ship- losing someone you love but still needing to move on. I think that's very realistic and I hope Mista finds peace again.

HI I'M SO SORRY I MISSED THIS sorry for the wait!!

Just listened to Send Me No Flowers and it's really lovely, I think I could also see it being Fugio-y in a way? Specifically postcanon pre-PHF from Giorno's POV. Something something he has all the tangible things he wants but not Fugo. But maybe that's just because my brain loves to make songs about wanting someone back + flowers about Fugio lol.

I won't lie, Strawberry Blond is a holdover from when I started making this playlist four years ago, when Strawberry Blond was considered the Fugio song and was on everyone's playlists lol. But listening to it now, I actually think it aligns with my Fugio vision more than I initially thought.

I think a lot of people take it as a Fugo -> Giorno song, but I much prefer imagining it the other way around. Again, imagery of someone leaving and the other aching over it, and the line "I love everybody because I love you" makes me think of Giorno basically getting his whole worldview tossed up because of Fugo, who's so completely different from him in every way. But also, I really really like to imagine that Giorno's feelings are unrequited at first. I think I've explained the Fugonara -> Fugio pipeline before, but Fugio during canon to me is more like. Giorno is very infatuated with Fugo, and Fugo doesn't notice because he's still hung up over his own one-sided feelings for Narancia. So the second verse kinda fits that, too, I think. The thing with "all I ever wanted was a life in your shape" also could have a lot of different connotations with them, too - Fugo had, and still has, a lot of privilege Giorno doesn't (Fugo grew up rich, never had to face xenophobia/racism, had a strong and well-funded education that is clearly shown to still give him a huge advantage even after he's disowned), and on the headcanon side of things, I do usually hc Giorno as trans and Fugo as cis, so there's that, too. But it could also be how Giorno has always repressed emotions/feelings, and Fugo isn't really able to, but also derives power from those emotions (even if they're harmful) - maybe a tiny bit of subconscious envy that Fugo's able to feel, to cry, so on and so forth? Idk. Something like that.

As for the Naramis playlist, I actually don't have a ton of angsty stuff on there, because I did originally envision it as a happier vibes sort of playlist (even I need a break from Naramis angst sometimes hehe). But I did start including a few sadder ones as of late!!

This song is super postcanon Mista to me and that's why I used it as the title for the second part of my fic :] "Once my heart was filled with the love of a girl/I held her close, but she faded in the night/Like a poem I meant to write" specifically.

Another postcanon one. The airplane metaphors really sell it for me. I think Mista sometimes plays this one on his guitar and thinks of Narancia :)))

And slightly different, but I actually think of this one from Narancia's POV!! He's been let down and betrayed a lot in his life, he can't envision a better life for himself than being a criminal, and his best friend ends up leaving him out of cowardice, so he hopes that he can at least have one person he can trust and rely on - ie Mista.

Thank you again for the ask, I love talking about my tunes (and Fugio and Naramis) ^_^

[icedmetaltea]

5, 6, 8, 9, 10, 15, 16 UwU

5. if you make content, what's your favorite piece you've contributed? - UM that's a tough one... prolly dis since it was the first time I spent so much time on a single piece of art, like bout a week

6. Answered in the previous one!

8. do you have any ocs, or have any ocs you're fond of? - Yup! The only ones I've made a bit of content for on here are Allie and Molly, and I think like one piece w/ Nelly and Night (my ocs tend to come in pairs for some reason) there's also the Glowworm ocs but I haven't made any content for them but one vague post with like a poem?? Idk I suppose I'm the most fond of Allie/Molly just cause I projected into Allie HARD growing up, esp when coming to terms with being genderfluid since he's trans

9. what do you think of the dca's canon appearance? Scary? Cute? Something else? - Cute, huggable, kissable and I am not joking ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Pls just let me hug canon Sun one time and I can die happy. Forreal tho I love robots who genuinely look like robots, not just humans with metal skin or something lol

10. what keeps you in this fandom despite the very small amount of canon content the dca had? - My unhealthy obsession for Sun 😭 I thought I'd move on but like... he's so my type it hurts and I haven't found a character that checks so many boxes at once since then

15. do you interpret sun and moon as two sides of the same person, or truly two separate beings in one body? does it matter? - Two beings in one body; I don't think it makes a huge difference unless you're writing a fic and trying to go in-depth about how they interact

16. what's something in the fandom you'd like to see more of? - UNHINGED SUN UNHINGED SUN UNHINGED SUN, Sun being a dick, Sun being rude, Sun being morally bankrupt, just Sun MMMMMM

Thanks so much Charshine! :D

[raw-law]

I forgot to explain when I woke up. It is quite personal, it's faintly based on my parents, the line about the color mostly had to do with my parents not actually knowing anything about me despite when I was 9 or so. I warn suicide for the next part

This is. Also mostly inspired by my thoughts on suicide. It's not as if I'm actually going to do it, but I catch myself thinking about what I would do if I did, where to hang myself, what things I would give my friends and what I would tell them ect. But I am, ultimately, too scared off death and the afterlife to do anything.

The part about hating myself is based on my dad, mostly. He's very vocal about what he thinks they should do Transgender people, which is sending them to mental hospitals and other things. And I think you get the point. I might try doing something similar again (heavy on might).

I feel like I should say thank you? I wasn't expecting compliments, nor do I know how to take them

-☾

L:

ahhh.. a lot of these were what i was thinking when reading the poem, i just didn't know if i'd be correct.

i can certainly understand all of those thoughts. i'm sorry you have to deal with them at all. but i am glad you were able to turn it into something like this instead of acting on any of them. and i'm honored that you were willing to share something so personal too. it really did make a nice poem.

i know you said "heavy on might" and everything, but i really do suggest writing more if the last one helped you. i know it at least helps me explain most of my emotions, and it could probably even give you some ideas for other non-poetry writings, like those characters you've shared. use it as like... brainstorming, maybe? if that makes sense.

either way, the more you write, the greater the possibility of making some really beautiful things. oh and, get used to compliments. i like art, i like analyzing art, and i'll be damned if i have to sit and witness an artist quit doing what they enjoy because they didn't get the analyses they deserved.

Light:

Oh, that's indeed interesting! And I can see it now...it wasn't quite what I had in mind, but now that I know, it makes a lot of sense.

First of all, thank you so much for sharing something so personal with both of us, and the rest who'll be seeing this. I want you to know that I really, really appreciate your trust in us. Thanks for that. It definitely isn't easy.

Secondly...I am very sorry that you had to go through that. No-one deserves something so terrible to happen to them. Just know there is absolutely nothing wrong with being trans, though some people might try to convince you otherwise. You are who you are, and other people don't get to have a say in that (unless what you're doing damages society, which it definitely does not in your case). Hang in there; I promise you'll find your people, people who truly love and support you no matter what, one day.

And you should keep writing! It really does help with coping with things in your life, and it feels very therapeutic to just get it all out on the page, doesn't it? It's a wonderful hobby to foster; it'll follow you a lifetime.

Anyways, you don't need to 'know' how to receive our compliments. Just know that we love your work. Happy writing, and have a great day!

[pretensesoup]

Queer books, day 21/30

Okay, let's take a detour from romance novels to the world of weird fuckin' poetry.

I stumbled on this book by accident, because the press that published it (Milkweed Editions) also published a book by my sister-in-law, and when I was ordering it I asked her if there was anything else I should get off the website. You know, for free shipping.

Although I am a poet, I am only tangentially attached to the world of poetry, so I can't say this with any surety, but it does seem to me that transness is something that poetry rarely touches upon. Homosexuality in general, yes--poetry has for sure been super gay since like Gilgamesh (see also Shakespeare, Sappho, Whitman, Wilde, Housman, Auden, I cannot list them all in one parenthetical note). And most poetry is not like Charles's poetry anyway, which uses a Middle English-esque dialect that is Charles's own invention. The play of words and puns she is able to create would certainly make James Joyce ecstatic, but the use of Middle English is an interesting choice that might bear some examination.

Off the top of my head, Middle English started to be a thing at the time of Chaucer--by which I mean that our boy Geoffrey was the first one to write down language the way people were speaking, not that he invented the language or something. So writing in this new/old mode evokes a particular type of creation--not of something de novo necessarily (although the language in feeld is of course new), but of potentially bringing to light themes and ideas that a lot of trans people struggle with, as well as a moment in history when the world is shifting, and being out as a trans person is suddenly a thing people do in a way it wasn't when I was younger.

(To be clear, there have always been trans people. We talk about this in the podcast all the time--see for example this episode's discussion of Brother Marinos and a lot of this episode which talks about Eleno/Elena de Cespedes and the Blind Prophet Tiresias who switched genders and, like, a lot of other episodes. However, trans people didn't organize/discuss their experiences so publicly/as a political class until fairly recently. So the parallel of "everyone was speaking this language but no one wrote it down until now" feels apt.)

Another way this language feels appropriate to this book is the way that it forces an interpretation by the reader--when Charles writes, "i ware / & inn a hiv / u r born", does "hiv" mean "hive"? "HIV"? Can we trust that it will have the same meaning the next time it appears (e.g., "befor the wharing / the hiv")? In a way, this recreates the interpretive act trans people constantly experience when they meet cis people--another thing chronicled by Charles when she writes, "how many/ holes would blede/ befor/ u believ/ imma grl." But here, because the language is Charles's, she always has the reader at an advantage.

Here's a poem that struck me:

Anyway. Poetry! Who knew. You can definitely buy this one from Milkweed Editions, which is a small press and so always in need of/deserving of love. 10/10, go read it.

[rottenresponse]

BURSONA MASTER POST!!

(Rottenresponse Edition) ((Will definitely be updated))

The Title basically spells it out for you, so WITHOUT FURTHER A DO HERE WE GO!

But-

I'mma put one of those read more lines because I'd hate to make someone unknowingly scroll through this whole fucking thing by accident </3

Also Also, Important Sidenote but I see all the Bursonas as Brothers (whether they be Step or directly biological), So please remember that while reading this <3

Youngest of the bunch

Twitch addict

Possibly Cupidromantic

Likes wearing YouTuber/Streamer Merch, no matter what it may be or how much it may cost

Definitely wears those Gaming Cat Ear Headsets when gaming/streaming

Made his own Twitch Channel after his favorite E-Girl dropped him from her Mod team and blocked him on all her accounts (It's a long story, we don't get into it)

Eats S'mores cereal straight out of the bag (It's a comfort food)

Would have definitely been a fucking IPad kid if he was born in today's generation

HE'S A FUCKING CREATURE!! A SILLY GUY!! A GOOBER EVEN!!

Being real for a minute, idk what kinda creature he is, but he does have cat like tendencies and he is part Phantom

The tips of his ears, fingers, etc, are blackened due to how often he'd tinker with charcoal and gunpowder when he was younger

Don't get me wrong, he still does, just not nearly as often due to how it stains his food and comfort items

SPEAKING OF COMFORT ITEMS!! THIS MF HAS TWO ✌ DOS: The Handmade flag L'manbur helped stitch into the inside of his cloak + A walkman he got as a birthday gift when he turned 16

Due to him having more apparent phantom-esk genes, Whenever his face isn't covered by the Shade over his eyes it looks a little something line this!

Trans (FtM) + Binding

Claims to not be interested in relationships, but definitely hints at having a crush on someone that none of the Burs can fully figure out for one reason or another

Middle child that is often reduced to the role of Family Babysitter

Angsty Emo Hot Topic little guy

Is the only Bur in a committed relationship with someone (TNTduo beloved)

Has scars on his face that make an upside down U with an X stitch where the bridge of his nose is (would be in the picture above)

Wears red glasses purely for the aesthetic since he broke his proscription ones a looooong ass time ago

Also insists he doesn't need his prescriptions despite being far sighted and not being able to see much past his hands after fully extending his arms in any direction

Definitely the fluffiest hair out of them all, simply due to how little he cares enough to style it

Gained his white strands due to stress despite being the second youngest

Is ferturnal twins with Ghostbur

MERCILESSLY MOCKS GHOSTBUR OUT OF ALL THE OTHER BURS, BY A LONG SHOT

Is much more Angry and Sarcastic than he is emo and bitter like Vilbur

Does, indeed, genuinely care about Ghostbur despite treating him so poorly a majority of the time

Isn't keen on showing outward affection towards his brothers no matter how they try to coax it out of him

Revivebur is the kind of brother that would leave little, small presents outside of his brother's doors or in out-of-the-way areas in their rooms as a sigh of affection

^^^^ Most commonly old poems he wrote about them, or random small gifts he bought from the store for them like sweets or stickers

Phantombur!

The Oldest Bur of the bunch

Aroace + Demiboy

Handles their finances and most of the bills like Water, Electricity, Garbage, etc

The Bur with the most noticeable Phantom appendages/attributes

Sensitive to sunlight, which is mostly why they carry an umbrella around with them a lot of the time

Occasionally uses hoods or Said Umbrella indoors, due to how overwhelming the lights can be to at times

Has taken up the role of being The Father Figure of the household, outside of L'manbur

Is the only Bur aware of what happened to their parents, and refuses to elaborate on what happened to them or lead to their disappearance.

Ghostbur!

Demiboy + Panromantic Demisexual

Has a comfort/childhood sheep plushie named 'Friend' that he takes with him everywhere in the house

The one time he took it outside, Revivebur hid it too well and caused Ghostbur to burst into tears after telling him he lost it

Revivebur was grounded for a month and they let Ghostbur choose what they had for Dinner after they found Friend again

Is technically older than Revivebur by a few minutes? But Ghostbur doesn't care, and Revivebur will MURDER HIM if he even so much as mentions it

Due to him also having more visible Phantom qualities compared to his brothers, he has the ability to turn translucent

Although, BECAUSE Of this, his skin is much more sensitive than it'd be normally

Asides from not being a big fan of certain textures and sounds, he also isn't that big of a fan of being by himself

He tries to be social, but struggles with the loud noises that come with it

Gained his love of music boxes and melodies through his brothers, but mainly L'manbur

Would beg his parents to sing him to sleep when he was younger, and occasionally asks Phantombur or ARGbur to sing him in the present

L'manbur!

Woooo Straight Cishet Ally moment <3

Second oldest Bur

He actually doesn't live in the house?? But he does come by to visit often

Plans to have a wife and a child in the future

HE ALSO HAS A PLUSHIE LIKE GHOSTBUR AND L'MANBUR WAS ACTUALLY THE GUY TO GET HIM FRIEND IN THE FIRST PLACE IBSBISBU

^^^^ L'manbur's plushie is a little fox named Fundy

Is the closest to Argbur surprisingly enough

Used to be a big music nerd back in High School, and actually makes his own music on the side between work and his other hobbies

ARGBur!

The third oldest fucker in the house

Actually ended up running away from the house at some point due to his affiliations with a certain missing person's case

Is debatably more online than Simpbur is, but Is most definitely more tech savvy

He actually ended up helping Simpbur set up his custom PC build and some other technical difficulties that he didn't know how to properly handle himself

Probably has a thing for cryptids after his time in the woods, just saying

Gay, just Gay

A big thanks to those who read this far!! I'm still definitely gonna update this with more info later because OMG IT IS SO, S O LATE GOOD GOD-

Have a good day/night broskis <3

[trythatagainnn]

halloween is the anniversary of my coming out at trans.

my “traniversary” as i like to call it.

this year,

itll be five years.

i was 12 years old.

i came out in middle school.

i was the only trans kid i knew of in my school.

i had no support.

my friends accepted me,

i think,

pretty quickly.

but they didnt support me.

there was no,

“im proud of you!”

or

“im happy you told me this.”

there was a lot of

“…okay”s

and sidelong glances.

i think you dont realize what that does to you

until five years later.

at the time,

i had one queer friend.

she was bi.

we dated,

whatever two 12 year olds dating looks like

(we held hands at recess).

later, she came out as a lesbian,

and i came out as gay.

its funny.

we stopped talking after eighth grade.

i dont really know why.

i have a lot of queer friends now.

all of them are, actually.

queer, i mean.

im not dating any of them.

mostly because,

after i came out as gay,

i came out as aro/ace.

thatll do it.

not that aro/ace people cant date,

or fuck,

or whatever.

i just. dont want. that.

sometimes i kind of wish i did.

i think.

i wonder what its like to really enjoy that.

but.

whatever.

anyway.

i heard someone say once that

after you come out once,

it never ends.

i think thats true.

ill never stop coming out as trans.

isnt that what im doing right now?

and ill never stop figuring out new things about myself.

also, i think maybe thats not true.

sometimes, people just know.

i dont have to tell them.

and sometimes,

when i tell people,

its not coming out.

it just is.

maybe thats what finding the right people is.

it just is.

halloween isnt really it, by the way. the anniversary.

sorry.

that wouldve been cool right?

yeah.

i lied.

i dont know when it actually is.

sometime in november, i think.

maybe december?

on halloween of 2018,

i was still a girl.

i was wearing a very large and annoying inflatable ostrich costume

(you know the type

where it makes you look like

youre riding on the ostrich’s back?).

it was a last minute buy from spirit halloween.

i got tired of it.

i took it off,

and i put on a tie

over my grey wolf t-shirt.

i put on a tie,

and i told everyone i was a man.

of course, they didnt believe me.

i think they laughed.

i felt great.

thats not when i came out.

maybe thats when i knew, though.

to be honest,

i dont care that much.

i dont get emotional on halloween,

most of the time i dont even think about it.

its more of a convenient way of keeping track

of the passage of time

than anything.

im still trans, yeah.

this year on halloween,

im still trans.

ive changed though.

ive changed

names and

ive changed

my hair and

ive changed

how i act and

how i think and

who i am and

ive changed.

five years this halloween,

thats a lot.

maybe.

maybe its not

that much at all.

in another five years,

ill be 22,

and ill still be trans.

and ill be different.

happy halloween.

happy five years.

happy passage of time.

heres a little monologue poem thing about being trans

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

Hello hello! May I request a match up my friend? Specifically for obey me, ninja go and blush blush!

Pronouns: they/them and he/him (I'm trans)

Sexuality: omniromantic demisexual

Zodiac/MBTI: Sagittarius, enfp

Appearance: 5,8, shoulder length straight fluffy black hair (dyed), pale, thick eyebrows, a stahl's ear (one elf ear), a beauty mark in between my chin, jaw and lips, my fashion is emo, goth, scene, punk, metalhead some 80s and 90s mixed in (I listen to all the music also)

Personality: I'm curious, traumatized, ADHD, eccentric, blunt, defensive, witty, indecisive, creative, sassy, impulsive, YOLO, dark, adaptable, emotional, supportive, and I would probably be able to be friend pretty much everyone if they didn't hate/fear gay emos 🤦‍♂️ (I also still have a huge fear of being like my mom and her boy freinds)

Interests: comics, zombies, vampires ect..horror, superheros, self care, books, cooking, anything creating, video games, plants, my pet bird, manga, playing instruments, teamfortress 2, music, space, and, collecting random stuff.

I dislike: liars, dolphins specifically, hypocrites, frat boys, and pick me's idk what else to put 🤷‍♂️

Hi Anon! Thanks for your request! I hope you like your matchups!

In Obey Me, I match you with...

Belphie matches your vibe very well. You dress emo/gothic, he acts emo gothic.

Loves watching horror movies with you. He's right into that stuff. Doesn't scare easily, but when he does, expect him to insist you sleep in his room or he sleeps in yours (like he doesn't do that anyway).

Belphie enjoys listening to you practice your music. He will fall asleep but he assures you when he wakes up that he had the best dreams because of your music.

Another sassy one. The entirety of Devildom quakes when the two of you are in a self-described "sass-off".

You love space, and Belphie spends a lot of time in the observatory. You two can go on stay-in stargazing dates.

But the thing Belphie enjoys most is watching star showers with you.

In Ninjago, I match you with...

Kai loves dancing around with you while listening to 80's music when you two are supposed to be doing housecleaning.

Can't play music to save his life. Any times he's successfully played a tune was completely by chance. So he thinks it's very cool that you can play music.

Loves watching horror movies with you because he thinks it'll give him a chance to do the cliché, protect his significant other when they're scared.

In the end, you'll have to turn the lights on to sleep. Kai can't handle horror. Please protect him for the suspiciously shaped pile of clothes in the corner.

Arguable one of the sassiest of the ninjas. Loves that you can match his energy.

In Blush Blush, I match you with...

Emo, gothic besties. He will use any makeup you have (especially black eyeliner) but you're also free to use his (extensive) collection of makeup.

Poe enjoys reading with you. If you haven't already discovered Edgar Allan Poe's writing (especially his short stories like Black Cat and Tell-Tale Heart), you will be familiar with it soon. They're some of Poe's favourite pieces of literature and he'd love to share them with you.

Also enjoys listening to you practice with your instrument of choice. He finds it relaxing, regardless of how it sounds. All the little flaws make it sound better in his mind.

Huge fan of horror! Show him the scariest, most psychologically scaring movie you've ever seen and he'll have the time of his life!

Poe will write poems about you. You're his muse after all! It just might take him a while to gather up the courage to show them to you.

[amrv-5]

5, 12, 14 for ask post :))))

HELLO LIVV!!! I’m DONE WITH WORK sorry for the late answer!!! These were fun!!!! And also. my god retrospective apology for the length of this I got really excited about my Symbolic Worldview Statement About Windchimes In Somewhere to Get To / Sailed Calmly On for a . lot of paragraphs.

5. What do you wish someone would ask you about [insert fic]? Answer it now!

AH well!!!!! Exciting. I’m about to sound so insane for paragraphs and paragraphs. I’ve got metaphors and symbolic imagery operating in very silly places. Here goes:

What’s up with Daniel’s windchimes in Somewhere to Get To and Sailed Calmly On?

And the answer: As with so much in this little fic verse, it comes back indirectly to [loud buzzer noise indicating incoming Parker Being Annoying About A Poem He Loves content] dear old Auden’s “Musée des Beaux Arts.” Sorry to anybody who has heard me be soooo annoying about this poem in relation to these fics in the past. At least it’s a new angle on it (after a restatement of the Poem’s Relation To Blah Blah Etc. So Sorry Hurrying Through It Now). 

Anyway, the poem focuses partially on Breughel’s painting “Landscape with the Fall of Icarus” (see it, and the poem, reproduced at the prior link). As per its title, the painting represents the fall of Icarus, but embedded in a landscape. Icarus is a minute little ocean-splash in the lower right corner of the canvas, a pale pair of legs about to be dragged under the water. Looking at the canvas from a distance, it’s hard to notice him at all. The focus is more on the foreground, where ploughmen go about their work, and on the lovely ship moving through the water. Like us on first viewing, none of the figures in the painting notice, or at least care to act, on the fact Icarus is drowning. This enormous, mythic moment is reduced to a petty background splash—lasting an instant, and then fading away, nobody paying it much mind. 

That’s the topic of Auden’s poem (swear to God we’re getting to the windchimes), which (in excerpt) notes: 

About suffering they were never wrong,

The old Masters: how well they understood

Its human position: how it takes place

While someone else is eating or opening a window or just walking dully along; 

(…) 

In Breughel's Icarus, for instance: how everything turns away

Quite leisurely from the disaster; the ploughman may

Have heard the splash, the forsaken cry,

But for him it was not an important failure; the sun shone

As it had to on the white legs disappearing into the green

Water, and the expensive delicate ship that must have seen

Something amazing, a boy falling out of the sky,

Had somewhere to get to and sailed calmly on.

So that’s the painting, and the poem, which both deal with the sort of tragicomic mundanity of suffering. Somewhere to Get To and Sailed Calmly On are clearly ripped, title-wise, from the last line of the Auden, and that’s because it was a theme I was playing with very consciously through each—there are a lot of characters drowning, in their own ways, and the world spins on. 

OKAY sorry for restating all of that if it’s been read or said before.

In re: the wind chimes: to me, they’re meant to stand—I don’t want to say in opposition to, because both images stem from the same sort of philosophy—but as a partial response to the Icarus-Drowns-Unnoticed theme at play in the fics. Windchimes force a person to acknowledge the existence of the unseen. To me they’re like… symbolic of being a sentinel of joy or care. Happiness (your own) or suffering (of others) is very easy to let slip by unnoticed or at least not consciously registered or responded to (gentle breeze one does not make intentional note of). Treating happiness / joy as a practice instead of a transient, at-random feeling, and being intentional in wanting to perceive others/the world as it stands, helps (I think) Icarus (us, in despair) swim a little stronger, and helps (us, preoccupied) notice drowning strangers when they need it. All of this, translated to fic-verse and imagery, is the ridiculous number of windchimes around the Pierce household, tracking every unseen, unfelt shift of air in a way that is impossible to ignore. They’re doctors, and they’re also, as we learn (to my characterization) people who work actively against an innate despair with the conscious, repeated choice to care, and care widely, and actively look for joy. 

And, then, why Hawkeye finds himself so devastated after the war, and so doubly hurt by his inability to get help: all of that attentiveness to the world, other’s pain, active search for joy against an interior tendency towards the water, has been burnt through by witnessing mass-scale violence he was largely powerless to stop. He’s distressed because he’s put so much of himself into the world, at an unsustainable pace, and nearly none of it comes back to him. Or at least not right away. He brushes a windchime when he comes home, listens to it sound, and then does the same with the same windchime in reverse as he leaves the house and flees to the city. And then, by the end of S2G2, a neighbor’s windchime sounds as BJ brings him a clementine and enjoys a warm day, and as Hawk wakes up to look out into the morning fog. Healing, hope, joy and rejection of despair, caring for one another with intentionality, etc. Sorry if this is sooooo silly but I love the windchimes and I'm so glad I got to talk about them LMAO <3

12. Are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you?

Ouuughhhhh. Hmm. Barring a few specific exceptions, I’m usually down to read just about anything trope-wise; usually it’s more a question of Author Trust or Is It Well-Written In My Opinion, etc. I’d say, though, there are certain Tropes / Themes / Fic Concepts that are hard Nopes for me in most contexts but are for Hawkeye totally fine because, well, he’s a bit of a special bird. 

14. Are there any tropes you would only read if written by a trusted friend or writer?

Major character death. ESPECIALLY in MASH, if we’re not talking a character who’s already… etc. I can think of 2-4 authors who I would MAYBE. MAYBE read a major character death from. Breaks my heart tooooooo much <3

THANK YOU FOR THE QUESTIONS and I’m sorry about the. length. LMAO got excited about my windchimes

[hyenaswine]

how does one make more friends at our age?

it's very hard, especially if you don't have a job! it's been difficult for me to make friends (i'm unpleasant 🤗) but i try to go to events. first i started going to movies by myself, not just current films but revival screenings that have like a preshow associated. then i started checking out bars & going to karaoke, & that's where i really started being able to get to know people. but i'm lucky because i live somewhere that has a lot of gays & transes that are organizing a lot of stuff. you can also meet people at things like craft fairs or farmers markets. if you follow local venues or businesses on social media, they usually let you know about events they're having. you can also take classes or workshops! it can be very difficult depending on where you live (i live in a city so that helps a lot) & how accessible stuff is insofar as transportation or even just literal accessibility, depending on your needs. the one piece of advice i can really give is not to be afraid to go to things alone. like if a band i like is coming to town, or there's a movie i want to see, i'm not just going to sit home & not go because i don't have anyone to go with, because then i miss out! also, check out things you don't know if you'd ike, just to see! on sunday i went to a trans open mic which i usually wouldn't go to because i..... get very uncomfortable when people do poems & are sincere at me, but i went to see a friend play music & it was cool! it was different! i found out about other events the venue has! i'm not great at connecting with people & that's just a Personal Problem, but i HAVE figured out how to find other people to just be around, so i hope some of these ideas are helpful-ish.

[hella1975]

hi okay so, this is a piece of shitty poetry i wrote just now after thinking about your protrayal of zuko (again) and wanted to share bc im a dumb bitch who craves validation and needs to know what you think of this. and if i put a little too much of myself into it in the process, and it became more about my weird relationship with being trans than zuko, it's irrelevant, dont ask questions! it was about zuko initially and i still think it can kinda be applied to him so thats all that matters!! pls forgive the lack of capitalisation, its turned off on my phone and im too lazy to change it :,)

(you dont have to read the next part but if u finish the poem and think it sucks it will explain why lmfao)

BUT FIRST, i need to clarify that ive never written poetry in my life, i know nothing about writing, and my punctuation is definitely all over the place. this whole thing for sure sucks but i have an excuse!! a flimsy one, sure, but still an excuse! im 16 and dont remember ever actually learning gow to write, or all about punctuation or any of that jazz. this is more of a stream of consciousness than a poem. and its just a rough draft so, very unfinished too!! so if u really dont like it that will explain why. basically the point of this whole paragraph is just to tell you that im dumb but im also terrified so please be nice to me bc i will cry and that is a threat! (if im starting to sound hysterical and like im spiralling its bc i am okay pls ignore it)

okay so enough excuses, here she is:

this deep, harsh, incessant feeling of shame harbouring in the bottom of my gut is to me, what roots are to a tree,

solid, strong, and stable,

intertwined with my bones and rooted within my very being.

it feeds me and mother me, swaddling me like an infant and rocking me to sleep from within its familiar, welcoming grasp.

I need it for survival, so integral in my very existence that ripping us apart would destroy all thats left within me.

But yet, we are so very unlike that beautiful symbiosis that the root and plant achieve,

that sweet, simple promise, void of all evil, so pure and light that it, He speaks vengefully about it, spitting sour words into my face and whispering harsh lies into my ears.

Our promise is not so gentle. it solely benefits Him, throwing all of me into the dirt and replacing him with a new unidentifiable creature, borne of self hatred and a need to become something, anything else. a dire need to detach myself from everything ive ever been and anything i could possibly become.

He is a parasite, a horrible looming creature, a cruel beast, making me cower in fear within my own, wretched body. He is cruel, intent on toppling the civilisation i spent so long building, the kingdom of my ego, my heart, my emotion; while i sit, and i watch, and i do nothing.

i may need Him to push the breathe from my lungs and carry the blood through my veins, but, He does not need me. He will never need me. im merely another of his children, an effortlessly replaceable thing. a shameful, ugly creature that He does not care for. that He does love. that He does not need. He does not want me. He does not want me. He does not want me. He does not want me. He does not want me.

anonstie i absolutely adored this you cant write something with the theme of shame written with visceral nature imagery and expect me not to go stupid crazy. the way it starts so structured and delicate just to end with that hysterical repetition like it's all falling apart and i LOVE your wording of things, like 'our promise is not so gentle' is such a sick line. im obsessed with this tysm for sending it me!