#but also my parents made blueberry muffins the other day

[writingforatwistedworld]

oooo ok ok ok

so what bout a platonic deuce, epel, and lilia with a gn reader that kinda talks out loud to themselves when they play?

like they say how much they want to be this character's brother, or how they bet this character would be a good parental figure, etc. or even when another character says/does something they don't like they kinda just, voice their opinion on it?

just their reaction to reader talking out loud/voicing their thoughts lmao srry if this doesn't make sense

Self-aware au

I do not take any responsibility for you reading this no matter which age group you are from!

WARNINGS: Yandere themes, violence, description of violence, obsessive themes, religion, war (if you squint)

Deuce Spade/Epel Felmier/Lilia Vanrouge-Player voicing their thoughts whilst playing (PLATONIC!)

Deuce is a calm guy, they said. Deuce is a chill guy, they said

Well whoever they are haven't seen him when you are around, behind the screen or not

This guy is just happy that you confide in him enough that you voice your thoughts to him

Don't mention that you are just on venting-you-thoughts mode when you play… Like seriously, don't.

He is always more than happy to listen whenever you are talking.

Could be about how much you like his newest card design but could also be about what you want for dinner. Idk? I would recommend something light like banana muffins with blueberries. It's very tasty. Trust me.

If you could see through the coding he would be like “Oh really.” and “You don't say.” or “What? Really?”

What I am trying to say is that he is probably more engaged in this “conversation than most would be

If some poor NPC “interrupts” (aka not heating what he is hearing and starting to talk) he will show them how fragile the ordinary human nose is. In other words, fist meet face. Nose make crack. NPC is screaming.

But on another note, should you voice wishing to be a family member of his, say for example his sibling, he would be over the moon

He is in lalaland, imagining how he and his younger siblings would enjoy their free time together. Heck, probably taking care of some chicks

Oh, and what if you were his older sibling? Like, wow, you would be such a cool role model! You probably wouldn't be a thug like him so that makes you even… cooler (?) in his eyes

Dude over here is having such a great time imagining being your sibling he is low-key looking like he ascended

But then he starts to imagine the darker sides of life

Like how his younger sibling could be bullied in school whilst he is stuck on this island

Or even worse if you are the older one of you two, you might start dating!

I don't know if it is funny or sad that he is feeling a sensation of loss over a sibling he never had

Like bro, chill. Don't beat up that student that looks similar to the imaginary partner you just made up in your mind. They can't be held accountable for your min-OH NO DON… Didn't he want to stop with this?

Epel is literally frothing at his mouth when he hears your innermost thoughts

Now now, I know this is creepy (like wtf get yourself together man) but I promise he is totally normal (who am I kidding he looks like he has rabies) and is also a totally chill guy (is it obvious that I am lying?)

Religious indoctrination or whatnot

Imagine, you are already isolated in a village filled with religious zealots, always hearing how great that person (you) is

And then they spill everything on their mind to you

Give him a day or two and he will be back to normal��� if we ignore that poor student in the corner

Like man, you noted one single time how much you liked this NPCs design and the next thing he knows he is seeing red

It's kinda like seeing your favorite family member favoring that one annoying cousin who is related to you over five corners

Has a notebook and writes everything he deems important down… which is a lot to be fair (but let the guy have his weird hobby, ok?)

But then you mention how you wish you were a family member of his and oh my god I think he is this close to breaking the fourth wall for real this time

This hits home to him

Remember how I told you about his village's eight lines higher than this one? Yeah.

There had been others his age but they were little to none and his village is in the middle of nowhere so…

But we also know how much he loves his grandma so it is a given that he would cherish you as well

Also, his god saying that they would want to be related to him. Ugh. He is honored so much that it is disgusting

But I could see this isolation and certain closeness you only get with a sibling also being not so good for you

What if you like the other villagers your age more than him? What if his girly appearance drives you away from him? (Bro u probably more dangerous with those looks than without them bc no one expects you to be able to throw hands but go on)

This leads to more and more self-doubts until he more or less bursts and just turns into someone no one wants to be around because of how aggressive he is

Thank god for the fourth wall or else you wouldn't see him like his old, not-so-destructive self anymore

Lilia is… something

His interest in you isn't purely romantic. It started out as something more like him holding onto something so he wouldn't go mad during “those days” *add fire noises and screaming in the background*

So it's more of a “I BETTER BELIEVE IN SOMETHING OR ELSE I MIGHT LOOSE MY MIND” than “Omg I am such a good follower te-he” situation

Little to no one has had access to the Overseer's thoughts and he is just randomly hearing them whilst thinking about what to make for dinner

Like Epel, he is pretty intense when it comes to you. Difference is that Epels “interest” in you stems from a place of… let's say religious views and Lilias from “those days” *fire noises and screaming in the background intensifies*

But unlike the guy who more or less shares his height and is a cotton candy version of himself concerning their hair he doesn't write down your thoughts

Oh no

This guy listens to it like he is hearing the world's greatest opera singer perform live in front of him

Thank goodness no one other than the other Diasomnia students mention your ramblings or else there would be heads flying

What? Can't a guy hope to have some special link to his deity? God, you all are so cold. Can't you even try to see his perspective? (I am joking please don't do what he does your reaction is totally valid)

But then you once mentioned how much you want to be part of his little family and whoops- there went his sanity

What if he had adopted you and Silver at the same time?

Wouldn't that be the cutest?

Sebek is almost screaming when he suddenly hears *ahem* LILIA-SAMA cooing at nothing out of nowhere

You two would be so cute growing up together and he would be the one honored to be this close to some kind of reincarnation of his God

But- but what if he was the only one knowing who you truly were? The other Faes (Malleus and Sebek being the exceptions) can't hear you so what if… what if you were also seen as some sort of weird outsider like Silver?

Don't get him wrong, the Faes have never shown hostility to his son but there was always that certain distance, Sebek and his family being one of the few accepting the young silver-haired knight as he was

Suddenly Lilia feels a certain kind of rage bubbling up to the surface like he hadn't felt in a long time

Silver… uh… you better hide that meatclea- *coughcough* I mean, legendary sword from your father

[redheadspark]

heyyy i hope im not late for requesting for this month's prompt, time has been really tight recentlyyy!! i would like prompt #12 and #16 with benedict bridgerton (do wtv pleases you, however you'd like, whether u wanna combine them or do them separately each prompt has its own imagine)

and thank youu!!❤️

A/N - Sorry this was a bit late, I was with my parents and I never got around to writing this sooner! but I hope you like it! Thanks for requesting!

Taste

Summary - Benedict will forever be your taste tester

Warnings - Just fluff :)

“You ate the last one?”

“You don’t have the proof!”

“It’s clearly on your face!”

Benedict laughed as you scowled at him, though it was not a real scowl.  In a teasing manner, Benedict quickly went to wash his hands in the sink before you would take the hand towel in retaliation.  The sweet smell of the freshly made cookies was still lingering above both of your heads, as well as the tangy scent of the lemons still perched by the sink.  The rest of the kitchen must have looked a mess with flour everywhere and some of the other ingredients askew, but it was not a negative thing.

In fact, you loved it.  Sundays were meant for baking.

You loved to bake, it was something that brought you peace ever since you were a little girl and you baked cookies with your mother.  She had the magic touch in baking and would bake everything and anything.  Cupcakes, muffins, bunt cakes, all and more, she knew precisely how to make it memorable.  Thankfully, you had the same gift and made it your own as you got older and branched out on your own.  You were still working a 9 to 5 job, gathering every single cent you would earn, yet you would save baking for your own time.

Baking was also a good second job for you, almost like a side hustle.  You’ve baked for birthdays, gender reveals anniversary parties, retirement affairs, and even for one funeral.  It was decent money, and once word got out about your baking skills, people were reaching out for you to bake for them.  So money was no longer an issue.

Your main issue was your fiancé, Benedict Bridgerton.

He stumbled into your life by pure accident or fate.  His brother Anthony and sister-in-law Kate reached out to you after hearing about you from a mutual friend, they requested treats for their own gender reveal tea that Anthony’s mother was throwing for them.  They were a lovely couple, the Bridgerton family was well known for their kindness and charitable work, so you took the couple up on their offer. Arranging an assessment of treats, from small cupcakes to large donuts, your dessert table was an instant hit.  Especially with the Bridgerton siblings, all of whom praised you in your desserts and stirring up a conversation with you.

Benedict was instantly smitten with you when he asked about the blueberry lemon cupcakes, and you two have been inseparable ever since.

Being the man that he was, he made your life far more interesting and entertaining.  There was never a dull day with him, which rocked your world and life greatly.  After a few times of dating, you both moved in together and you got the whole scope of who he was.  Although he was an acclaimed artist, he was also a bit messy.  You oddly trip over his shoes every once in a while that was thrown on the floor, his paints and easel seemed to look out of place in your shared bedroom with a bit of mess growing by the minute. Even in the way that he would be so aloof in how he would walk in the apartment as if he was walking amongst the clouds.

You walked in on him stripped down to his boxers at one moment in your kitchen, standing in front of the freezer to get some relief since your AC was not working its best.  You huffed, tossing your work bag on the countertop, and glared at him with your hands on your hips.  It was even harder since you wanted to jump his bones then and there from how he was only in his boxer shorts and leaving nothing to the imagination.

“I know it’s hot but Jesus, put some clothes on!” You scolded him, yet it was short-lived when he slammed the freezer door shut and chased you into the bathroom, you laughed as he helped strip off your clothes and you both went under the cold water together. 

He became a massive supporter of your baking, as well as everything else in your life.  You found him to be kind, insightful in the most unique of times, and an amazing artist.  He made you laugh in both the good and not-too-good times, your voice and advocate when you would have some unruly customers that would try and rip you off, and beyond loving to you when you were hard on yourself. It had to be the Bridegrton touch, something that seemed both magical and rare.  You found yourself far deep with him, which was not scary.  But it was light, light, and seasoned with magic here and there.

He asked you to show him how to bake, which turned out to be more chaotic than you thought.  It wasn’t that he was clumsy or couldn’t work around the kitchen, he could to a point.  But Benedict was still aloof, like his personality, even with flour on his nose and some of the cookies burned from the bottom.  Yet it was still fun to bake with him, he knew how to make the evenings light or the early mornings genuine.  Baking alone was always fun, but now having another person to bake with was even better.

Even one evening in December, he made some freshly baked muffins on a plate to give you as you were curled up in your favorite chair with a book in hand.  But when he placed the plate in front of you, you saw a small velvet box in the middle of the muffins, making you cry as he knelt on one knee.  

Now, in the swelting heat of summer and your wedding coming around the corner in the late fall, you were experimenting with cookie and cupcake recipes that you would use in your reception at the dessert table.  You were a bit stressed about it, looking through plenty of baking books and recipes online to find the right dessert for your big day.  Your fiancé knew you were under a bit of pressure in that department, the rest of the tasks when it came to the wedding seemed not as stressful.  He hoped in plenty of the decisions and booking the vendors, the venue was his mother’s back garden.  

“It was delicious, my love,” he reasoned as he kissed your cheek and you moved a bit of the crumbs that were left on his chin off with a swish of your thumb, “New recipe?”

“I found it online, but I’m not sure if I like it or not,” He explained, dusting off your fingers on your baking apron, “I’m still on a hunt for a good lavender blackberry cake that I want to make for your mother as a Mother-In-Law gift!”

“I’m sure my mother would like anything you bake her, and she does,” Benedict explained as he wrapped you in his arms and tucked you in close, “Whatever you decide to make for our day, it’ll be amazing, just like you.”

He tucked his finger under your chin to lift your lips up to meet his.    Having this small moment, the kitchen semi-destroyed in baking tools and ingredients, in your cramped little kitchen of the apartment you both have been sharing together, it was perfect.  You both had plans for your future after the wedding, wanting to travel together as a newly married couple and see the world past the little town you grew up in.  You wished to take new culinary classes to sharpen your baking skills, and Benedict was going to look for a bigger apartment, even a townhouse, for you two to perhaps grow your family further down the road. 

But for now, for this small moment, you were happy.

Benedict pulled away and smiled widely at you, his bright blue eyes looking even brighter as he found your voice, “How about you and I have a movie night in, and I can order us an extra large, extras cheese pizza along with that bottle of wine Colin and Penelope gave you,”

“Oh, I’ve been. Looking forward to opening that for weeks!  Sounds lovely,” You replied in a hum pecking his lips one more time before he started helping you clean some of the pans and measuring cups.  You were looking forward to this kind of slow Sunday with him, every slow Sunday even, as long as Benedict was at your side. 

Your mother-in-law, Violet Bridgerton, loved her Blackberry Lavender cake you made especially for you, along with the card you gave her with the news of your pregnancy.  

The End

[suckitsurveys]

Do you ever have days where you just don’t do anything? Yessssss I am looking forward to having several of those in a row soon. After this Thursday I am off work for 2 weeks!

Have you ever been extremely tired but refused to go to sleep? Yeah.

What is your favorite episode of True Life, if you have one at all? I don’t have one.

Have you ever experienced something paranormal? Nah.

What’s the longest amount of time you’ve been stuck in traffic? I think when L*d** and I went to Indianapolis to see Sarah when she was there. There was an accident on the interstate and we sat in the same spot for almost two hours.

Best field trip experience? I LOVED going to any kind of museum on a field trip. We also went to the Zoo a lot because it was so close to where I went to grade school.

Have you ever been to New York City? Not yet! I am going this spring though!.

If so, is it all its cracked up to be? --

What is the most amount of money you’ve spent on a meal before? Like $400 at a steakhouse once oops.

What museums have you visited, if any? A lot of them. Most of the ones in Chicago, and some in other cities too.

Have you ever had a group project and one of your partners bailed on you? Uh huh.

What’s your worst traveling experience? I've *thankfully* haven’t had any really awful traveling experiences. Just exhausting ones.

Sims 1, 2, or 3? Why? I never really played the Sims games.

Have you ever dealt with noisy neighbors or roommates? How did that go? The people who lived above us before our current neighbors had the LOUDEST dog that they would just let bark and bark and bark.

Who was (or is) the teacher that gave you the hardest time in school? My English teachers. All of them.

Best muffin you’ve ever had? Blueberry muffins with the crusty sugar tops.

Have you ever taken a woodshop class? Just a workshop, not like a whole class.

If so, was it required? --

How much time do you spend on Facebook, if you have one? Maybe 30 mins - an hour a day total. I belong to a shit ton of shitposting groups so I like to check those daily lol.

What area of math are you best at? Worst? Blah.

How do you feel when you meet someone with the same music taste as you? I mean, good? Idk. My music taste is “hey, I like the way this song sounds,” so.

How often do you “half-ass” things (put little effort in)? Every day at work baybeeeee. Lol I’m kidding, but it does happen.

Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? Not really.

Has a teacher ever made you hate yourself/your work? My English teachers completely ruined reading for fun for me.

How reliable is your internet connection? It’s pretty good.

Have you ever missed a meeting/event that was required/necessary? Yes.

What’s something that makes you incredibly nervous? Making phonecalls.

What’s the latest you’ve ever stayed up to finish homework/a project? I’ve pulled some all-nighters in my time.

If you don’t have glasses, how would you feel if you had to get them? I do have them.

If you do have glasses, how would you feel if you didn’t need them anymore? It would be so refreshing to just wake up and be able to see. Or have other sunglasses I can actually wear lol.

How many vegetarians do you know? I can think of three of the top of my head.

Have you ever considered going to art school? I considered going to an art high school just because some of my friends were going, but I really didn’t have a desire to outside of that.

Is there anyone in your life who consistently angers you? My brother in law.

How quickly can you write an essay? I would need a full day to stress over it first.

Have you ever had problems falling asleep in class? Never fell asleep while in school.

Have you ever been on the barrier or front row at a concert? Yeah.

What bug frightens you most? I’m not “afraid” of bugs, but earwigs and centipedes creep me out the most.

Are your parents supportive of you? Yes.

How often do you take the train to go places? Rarely.

Do you play with your phone in awkward situations Sure.

Have you ever participated in a mock trial, or a real trial? Yeah, mock trials in school.

[itsbrandy]

Burnout Chapter 5

A/N: We finally get to learn the woman's name! I imagined when she meets Dieter, he's in this super comfy looking outfit. Flailing his hands about and she can't stop staring at them. He makes me weak looking like this.

Word Count: 5.5k

End of Episode song: Weak For Your Love - Thee Sacred Souls

Chapter 5: Bee

For the first time in her life, she found herself in the very same room as Dieter Bravo. Her current obsession, the man of all men, and most importantly, the man with whom she had started to envision living life with in her new ideal. 

Her daydreams were filled with him and now he was here. He was real, tan, and laughing with his makeup artist right in front of her. 

The table of food in the back of the conference room was not appealing to her at all, but still she made it her mission. Trying as hard as she could to not look at Dieter (as if it was humanly possible to even do such a thing), she focused instead on the croissants, cupcakes, veggies, and dip that awaited her. 

Staci rescued her from her own thoughts by asking her about her sick day, but the questions didn’t exactly save her. She still had to lie to her coworker and hide the events of the day prior. 

“I just had like a head cold,” she lied easily. “Didn’t want to sneeze on the pastries or anything.”

“I get it,” Staci said emphatically. “Plus, you work harder than most of us here. You deserve a day off. Did you cuddle up with your man on your day off?”

The woman flushed deeply, grateful for the other conversations in the room covering up theirs. She didn’t want Dieter to hear that there was another man in the picture, even though that man was her long-term boyfriend and puppy co-parent. Let alone the fact that she was feeling completely disconnected from her partner. 

She was hesitant to share her relationship problems with Staci, but she had also spoken to Staci before about how she wished they could get out more. Staci knew that she was dissatisfied with her partner’s affinity for being a homebody. 

“We’ve been having some trouble,” the woman admitted with a grimace. “So, not really.”

“Oh no, girl what?” Staci asked, guiding her past Dieter and the other stars. “What happened? Do you need to talk about it at all?”

That was not her goal. She distinctly didn’t want there to be a chance that Dieter could overhear them speaking about her partner. Her words sat in her mouth delicately as they crossed in front of the cast. Staci cut between the lead female role and a supporting character, making the conscious choice to not go past Dieter himself. 

“I’ve just been feeling like my life needs more,” she decided on. It was an accurate statement and probably more true than other things he could have said. “I’m just looking for more than what I have right now.”

Staci looked back at her as she approached the snack table. “Huh,” Staci said. “So, it’s a you thing then?”

Staci grabbed a plate for her and handed it over. She then grabbed one for herself. 

“Thank you,” she said. The woman shrugged in response to Staci’s question. “Yeah, I guess so. You know I love working here. It’s a dream job.”

“But it isn’t your dream?” Staci filled in the gaps while she loaded raw carrots and ranch dipping sauce onto her plate. 

“It’s not,” she agreed. “I wanted to do something different before…” The mini blueberry muffins were calling her name, so she placed two on her plate. 

“What was that?” Staci asked her. “Your dream?”

The woman shrugged, not wanting to profess her desire to be an actress in the same room as some of her favorite professionals in the industry. 

“I don’t really want to talk about it. It’s kind of silly,” she admitted. Looking at the table before her, she looked for a way to change the topic of conversation. “Wow, those madeleines look gorgeous.”

“I made them,” Staci said with a bright smile. 

She grinned at her. “Of course, you did. Did you come in early?”

“I mean, if you knew yesterday that you’d be baking for Dieter Bravo…” Staci trailed off, knowing how she would answer. “Wouldn’t you?”

The woman laughed. She would have been, she would’ve been here all night trying to impress him with her expertise. Or maybe she wouldn’t have been. She might have been too nervous to even show her face if she had advanced notice of Dieter’s visit. 

“Maybe,” she conceded, stealing a glance back at Dieter now that they had passed him successfully. “I like my sleep though.”

Staci smirked and finished up her plate. There were carrots, dip, chips, and a couple of cookies filling half of her plate. “Want to go sit in the corner?”

The woman followed Staci’s eyes to two chairs in the back corner of the conference room. They were completely out of Dieter’s view; she could only see the back of his perfect hair sitting in the chair. 

He tilted his head to the side, allowing his makeup artist to see his face better in the professional light that had been set up around the room. 

The makeup artist dabbed at his cheeks, lightly melting concealer into his dark circles that no one knew existed. But she knew now, he had perfect skin that just needed to be gently applied to accentuate his natural beauty.

“Wow,” she said under her breath. She shook her head slightly in disbelief. There was no way that human beauty on this earth should just be allowed to exist like that merely feet away from her. 

It was unfair. She couldn’t help but feel like whatever power that be was laughing at her from wherever they made their omnipotent residence. Dieter Bravo was being dangled before her like beef jerky in front of a hungry dog. 

Staci took a crunchy bite of a ranch-loaded carrot and observed him as well. The makeup artist started to apply clear brow gel to his eyebrows, aligning them just so.

“I know,” Staci agreed with her mouth slightly full. “What a man.”

The woman concurred and started to eat her mini muffins. She carefully unwrapped each of them to drive off the nerves before she ate. Even though Dieter wasn’t watching her, she still felt self-conscious eating in the same room as him. 

She felt insufferable and slightly embarrassed that she felt so insecure in front of him. In her real life she was confident, she wouldn’t change the way she spoke to a man or the way that she carried herself even if she was interested in them. 

Though she had never felt like a supermodel, the men that had been in her life had pursued her. And even the actor that approached her in Whole Foods the day before had approached her. But something about Dieter Bravo had her reverting to girlish tendencies. 

She had last felt this way in high school, unable to function as a human person because of a boy. It was a terrible lesson taught to young women that they needed to make themselves smaller in order to be loved and valued by men. She wasn’t allowed to eat. Wasn’t allowed to take a drink, wasn’t allowed to burp or laugh too loud or make foul jokes. 

But none of that was true. And she hadn’t followed those practices that had been so culturally ingrained in her since she was a child. Instead, she existed as herself, genuinely. 

Keeping this in mind, the woman rolled her shoulders back to loosen her form of the nerves and allowed herself to slouch a bit and eat her muffins. 

Who was she kidding? Her circumstances for meeting these superstars were already less than ideal. She had barely slept, had tear-stained eyes and was wearing one of the least flattering garments known to man. 

Her bright white culinary outfit was hardly a shape hugging pair of leggings or a red carpet gown. There was no way that Dieter or anyone else would be able to regard her as an equal here. Though she and Staci had been in the room for nearly ten minutes now, no one had so much as looked in their direction. 

“These are good too. Did you make these also?” she asked Staci. “I haven’t had muffins this good in ages.”

“Yup,” Staci said with her mouth full of food. “Aren’t they good? I wish we made muffins for scratch for the Parks. They’re so easy.”

“They would be hard to theme though,” the woman said sadly. “Or maybe not. With a little bit of decoration, you could sell them as a little trio of muffins. Mad Hatter’s Muffins, Moana Muffins, Maleficent Muffins…”

She listed more alliteration names which were common for Disney treats, but she wasn’t certain where blueberry muffins would fit in. There were many practical snacks within the Disney parks but most of the sweet baked goods were more elaborate. 

The appeal of treats that doubled as advertisements for both the Parks and the movies themselves was the very reason why Dieter Bravo and the rest of the main cast of the newest Star Wars show was sitting in their conference room. 

The woman looked up again and Staci’s face looked stunned. “What? Maleficent Muffin not good?” she asked. 

Staci shook her head and excused herself, dashing out of the conference room and into the hallway as quickly as she could. “Bathroom.” was all she said. 

“I’d like a Moana Muffin,” a smooth, deep voice said from the woman’s left. Someone at the snack table had said it. 

The woman looked over, her head turning in what felt like slow motion as she turned to face the man that had overheard their conversation. As she turned her head, she saw that the chair in which Dieter had been sitting was now empty. 

And sure enough the man that was standing at the snack table was none other than Dieter Bravo himself. He was tall and his warm skin looked somehow darker under the office-building fluorescents. Or maybe he had gotten tanner since the woman had last seen him photographed. 

His eyes were just as kind and playful as they were in digital form but here, he was real. He was real and he was looking at her. His gaze was something she could only describe as sultry, but she doubted that he meant it to be. 

He looked at her like he was considering her next move. Almost like a chess player evaluating his opponent. And damn, it was sexy. 

“Oh yeah?” she replied, not sure of what else she should say to him. Her tone was suggestive, also by complete accident. 

“I think that would be a nice treat. Maybe some blue icing on it. Just like little waves?” Dieter held one of Staci’s miniature blueberry muffins in his hands. She couldn’t help but notice how nice and strong they seemed to be. His long fingers traced where he would position the waves on the muffin itself. 

“That’s a good idea, actually,” she said with a smile. “I’ll have to add it to my list of themed baked goods.”

She felt her face flush deep and hot at his gaze. It was insistent. She could feel it, he wanted to talk to her. He deposited the muffin onto his empty plate.

“Well, only if you credit me, of course,” Dieter said with an easy grin. “Waves by Dieter...you at least have to give me something.”

The woman shrugged. “I did come up with the name though.”

Dieter laughed easily and the woman found herself feeling slightly dizzy. 

“Then it was a joint effort. You and I both,” he said. 

Without letting the words sit in her mind, the woman smiled back at him like he hadn’t just “you and me’d” her. He had no idea how much she loved him, how much of her life she dedicated to him at the moment. And somehow, he had her sitting in his very hand over some mini muffins that her coworker had made. 

“Well, if you make it, I’ll eat it,” he said diplomatically. He spooned some chips onto his plate as well and grabbed a tiny bottle of water to complete his small snack arrangement. 

“I didn’t make them, actually,” she admitted. “My coworker, Staci, did.”

Dieter took a bite out of the top of a mini muffin. “It’s good. But I bet you can make them twice as great.”

The woman shook her head ‘no’. “Staci’s just as good as me if not better.”

“Humble,” Dieter said simply, before tossing the rest of the mini muffin in his mouth. He quickly added a second one to his plate to replace it.

Her brows knit together in confusion. She had heard the word ‘humble’ but she didn’t understand what he meant by that. Staci was talented too, there was nothing wrong with admitting that. 

“Sorry?” she asked.

“You’re humble,” he repeated. “Disney picks you as one of their star bakers and you don’t think you can make a better mini muffin?”

I would do it for you, Dieter, she thought to herself. I would make ten thousand mini muffins for you. Holy shit.

“I would try to,” she admitted. Though the subtext of her words was known to only her. 

“That’s better,” Dieter said, grabbing a napkin and flashing her his white teeth. “There’s that confidence and drive.”

“Sure,” she conceded, though she felt conflicted on whether or not she was truly confident and driven. At times she felt like she only moved forward in life on pure survival instinct. 

“You aren’t confident and driven?” he asked flirtatiously. “I must have the wrong person.”

The woman blushed at his compliment and fiddled with the food on her plate. “You don’t know me.”

Dieter pressed his lips into a line and looked at her curiously. “You’re right, I don’t.”

As soon as he agreed with her, he walked away with his full plate of food and joined his costars, leaving the woman reeling with the realization that she had just blown her first ever conversation with Dieter fucking Bravo because she couldn’t accept a compliment properly. 

No one ever compliments me! She thought angrily. I’m not used to it, what else am I supposed to say?

“I have a chair available for you, Miss,” one of the makeup artists said to her. She was cute and had curly bright pink hair. “I promise that I won’t bite.”

The woman smiled at her and stood to deposit her plate in the trash. “I believe you.”

She then crossed the conference room with the paranoid feeling that Dieter was watching her as she walked. 

“I’m Becca,” the pink-haired makeup artist said with her hand extended. She shook it and took a seat in the chair. 

“You have gorgeous skin,” Becca said to her, looking it over and starting to craft a custom foundation shade. “I would say that all you need is light coverage, but I want to get you a good blend for TV.”

The woman smiled. She didn’t mind the special treatment. Her threshold for complaints in the negatives. There was nothing that could truly bother her about the opportunity to appear in a recorded segment with her favorite actor and celebrity crush. She only hoped that Staci hadn’t let her nerves get the best of her when she saw Dieter Bravo eating one of her muffins. 

“Gorgeous eyes too,” Becca mused as she applied the foundation and blended it seamlessly into her skin. 

The woman relaxed as Becca blended product after product into her skin, setting layers and adding details and perfecting her work. 

“Your face is really made for the screen. You have so many natural angles and contours.”

“Really?” she asked. 

Becca nodded. “You’ve heard of how the camera adds 5 pounds right?”

“Mmhm,” the woman agreed. 

“That’s much less likely to happen to you because of how clear your bone structure is. Other people, they can look like they have a circle for a face unless you contour them properly. Your face kind of just does all of the work for me. I’m just following your natural lines, girl.”

“Oh wow,” she said, keeping her eyes closed as Becca applied product to her forehead and nose. “So, are you saying that I’m meant to be a star?”

Becca laughed. “Honestly, yeah. You’re making my job easy.”

“Well, that feels good,” the woman admitted. “If I ever wanted to go into acting, do you think I would have a pretty easy job?”

Becca was silent for a moment, sending the woman’s confidence plummeting downward. “I think so. There needs to be more representation for Asian women in acting. I always just see the same old faces on the screen. No offense, you know.”

“No, I know,” the woman said. “I totally agree.”

“Hey,” another voice interjected. Even with her eyes closed, the woman knew that it was Staci returning to the room. She opened her eyes and saw Staci standing before her. 

“Hey Staci, what’s going on?” she asked as Becca put another layer of powder on her face. “Are you doing okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just kind of nervous,” Staci admitted. “But they called me back in here to start doing hair and makeup.”

To her right, another makeup artist waved in Staci’s direction. “I’ve got you right over here, doll!”

“Thank you,” Staci said. “Sorry that I was late.”

“It’s totally okay,” Staci’s makeup artist said, beckoning her over. “I promise you; we totally understand that it’s intimidating being around celebrities. I’ve been doing this for almost 15 years, and I still am not used to hanging around A-listers all day. It never gets easier, I promise you.”

“I don’t know if that makes me feel all that much better,” Staci admitted, gaining laughs from all of the people that had been in the vicinity. 

“It does make me a little sick to my stomach too,” the woman admitted. Her own makeup artist was starting to work on her eye makeup, brushing light browns into her crease and winging out her lash line just slightly. 

Becca handed her a mirror after she completed her handiwork and the woman looked at her eyes in awe. She had managed to define her eyes well without whitewashing them and she looked absolutely stunning. From feeling like she had gotten into a car crash this morning to looking flawless, she was thoroughly impressed with the makeup artist’s handiwork. 

“I’m sorry about my hair,” she said as Becca moved toward her messy bun. She had done it in the car, trying to avoid having to brush it. Of course, now someone else was going to be dealing with her mess of tangles and knots. At least she had thought to shower. That much she was grateful for. 

“It’s fine, girl,” Becca said. “We just need to get this back into a tighter bun. Production wants a slicked back bun for you.”

The woman nodded. She liked to have a few pieces hanging forward just a touch to give her a “messy baker” look, but she understood the desire to have her appear professional and rigid like the chefs that people associated with Disney were. 

As Becca started on detangling her hair with spray and a comb, the Star Wars actors began to filter out of the room and into the hallway. 

“Are we running late?” the woman asked. “Why are they leaving?”

“We have a tour before we start shooting,” Dieter answered as he passed her chair. He looked at her and Staci and winked. “Looking great, ladies.”

The woman looked at Becca wide-eyed. 

No way did Dieter Bravo just wink at me, she thought. There was no way that had just happened to her in real life. The actual real life Dieter Bravo had not only spoken to her twice, but he had winked at her.

“Oh my god,” Becca said, releasing a breath after Dieter and the rest of the cast had exited ear shot. She started combing at the woman’s hair with more intensity. “I can’t believe he just- wow.”

“I know,” Staci agreed. “Isn’t he just the hottest man you’ve ever seen?”

Becca laughed. “Yeah, he is. Girl, I’m a lesbian but that is a man.” 

“Did he talk to you?” Staci asked her. “Like when I had to leave? About the muffin?”

“Yeah,” the woman admitted. “He did. He talked to me about his idea for a Moana themed muffin.”

Staci sighed. “No way. I just couldn’t do it. I’ve been obsessing over that man for I don’t even know how long, and I just couldn’t sit there and have to talk to him.”

“What are you going to do for filming?” the woman asked her. “Won’t you have to?”

Staci smiled sadly at her. “I asked to switch. You’re with Dieter now instead of me.”

The woman swore she could feel her heart stop beating in her chest and then kickstart again like the motor of a gas lawn mower. It slowed to a screeching halt and then chugged up once more with all of the drama that the comparison implied.

“I didn’t even know we had groups,” she said breathlessly. “I thought it was just bakers and all of them in one room.”

Staci shook her head ‘no’. “Nope. There’s going to be one group segment, but the tastings are going to be two stars to one baker.”

“And now I’ve got Dieter,” she deduced. 

Staci nodded. “Now, you’ve got Dieter. And you better not ask to switch back. I could not handle it. I would embarrass myself in front of the entire world.”

The woman laughed. “There’s no way the entire world is watching a segment on the new Star Wars treats at the Disney Parks.”

“Maybe not the whole world, but anyone who likes Star Wars will probably watch,” Becca pointed out. 

The woman glared at her. “Becca, you’re not helping us out here on the nerves front.”

Becca laughed and continued her work on the woman’s hair. “Okay, fine. But there still will be a lot of people watching. This is a really cool opportunity for both of you.” 

The woman nodded and closed her eyes once more. She didn’t want to think about it. Her acting career needed opportunities like this but the pressure of having to interact with her celebrity crush was crippling how she would normally approach a situation like this. 

If it wasn’t Dieter Bravo, she would still be nervous. But if it wasn’t Dieter Bravo, she would also know how to do this. With him, she didn’t know how to act.

The next time that she saw Dieter was back in the employee locker room of the bakery. It was really a private space, but Disney seemed to want to give more of a behind-the-scenes look at the bakery even though the lockers had nothing to do with baking. There she quickly explained the design process and showed off one of her many notebooks with brainstorming ideas. 

She explained that usually, her boss would tell her about a movie or tv show that Disney wanted to promote with a dessert or meal in the Parks. Then, she would begin to sketch out some ideas for recipes taking into consideration the many possible locations in the Parks that they could be served at. 

“The recipes are mostly our own here but sometimes we get directions that are more specific. It’s still such a fun and collaborative way of making food that thousands of people get to enjoy as they come to the Parks,” she explained, locking eyes with Dieter as she did. 

They had been instructed specifically to ignore the many cameras surrounding them for this portion of filming. 

“I get such satisfaction hearing about how fun people find it to eat desserts and snacks inspired by their favorite characters and films. Our treats are part of what makes Disneyland magical. You can only access these special desserts right here in the Parks,” she continued. 

“Cut!” someone yelled, and the woman found herself relaxing her posture. 

“Alright, that’s a wrap on the opening segment. Now, let’s divide into our teams and head to the two test kitchens,” the producer said with a demanding clap of his hands. 

“Oh my god,” Staci said, her eyes wide with excitement for her work friend. 

She was going to film with and interview The Dieter Bravo. 

“Wish me luck,” the woman said with a sad smile. She was both eager and nervous to be nearly one on one with Dieter, but she was sad that Staci felt like she couldn’t do it. They had bonded together over their love of him. 

“Oh my god, you’re going to do so great.” Staci said.

The other star that she had been assigned was one that she wasn’t too familiar with. Her name was Amanda, but other than that she wasn’t really sure what her role was supposed to be within the show. In fact, she barely knew what the show was about. She had been told about the Star Wars promotional desserts more than six months in advance of their launch in the Parks scheduled for next week. 

She stayed silent and within her own mind while she walked to the test kitchen where she would meet with Dieter and Amanda. The two stars trailed behind her as the group walked, talking among themselves about an event that was coming up. The woman tuned it out. She was jealous as it was that Amanda talked to him effortlessly. 

What she would give to be Dieter’s equal. 

“Alright, quiet on set,” someone said from behind her.

“Hi Amanda, hi Dieter,” she said, as instructed. 

“Hello!” Dieter said happily, taking a seat at the bar height seat across the table from her. Amanda echoed his greeting with a smile so perfect that the woman thought her teeth must be veneers. 

“Tell us more about yourself,” Dieter said as planned. This was as far as what had been scripted for this exchange and the woman felt her heart thundering at the improvisation aspect of this segment. “Before we get into the desserts, I want to know about the baker behind the creations.”

“Sure!” the woman said happily. “I grew up in Northern California and I have two fur babies that I love with my whole heart.” 

“There’s no way that’s it,” Dieter protested. “What else is there to know about you? What did you want to be when you were little?”

“An actress,” she replied effortlessly. 

“Oh wow, really?” Amanda asked, leaning forward in her seat. Her tone was condescending, but the woman kept her true feelings from displaying on her face.

She laughed instead and kept the tone of the conversation light and airy. “Yeah but of course, it doesn’t work out that way for everyone. Dreams change and my dream changed to making amazing creations for Disney lovers of all ages.”

It was a lie, but she sold it as the truth. Though this job had been a dream of hers for a time, it was not the dream like acting was. Something about Dieter’s expression told her that he knew she was bluffing. 

Instead of calling her on it, he grinned at her and then turned to a camera that was trained on him. 

“I love nicknames,” Dieter said to the camera. The woman watched as he played up his charm and intrigue. He was somehow just as mysterious as he had been back at the snack table but he was much more animated. He then looked back at her. “Nicknames are such a great way to get to know a person. Finding out what their friends and family call them is so interesting.”

“Nicknames are great,” she agreed. 

“What do people call you?” he asked. He stretched his arms out and leaned forward onto the table of the test kitchen, eagerly awaiting her answer. 

“Um,” the woman said, pursing her lips and trying to think of an appropriate nickname. 

There were plenty of pet names from both her current partner and her ex, but none of them would be suitable for the camera. Babe, sugar, etc. weren’t exactly PG. “I’m not sure.”

“There has to be someone out there that calls you a great nickname,” Dieter insisted. “I know that there is. You seem like you have great nicknames.”

There was one. But it had been retired from use for quite some time. And it was embarrassing. With the pressure of having the camera on her and the hesitancy to admit that she had no one around her that gave her genuine nicknames, she picked it. 

“Bee,” she confessed. “My mom called me Bee after I found out that I was allergic. But she doesn’t call me that anymore.”

Dieter looked pleased at the answer. “Let’s revive it then.”

The woman blanched. She didn’t want Dieter Bravo to call her by her childhood nickname, but she could hardly tell him that him calling her Bee didn’t align with her sexual fantasies of him. 

“Okay,” she said, smiling for the camera’s benefit. 

“Alright then, Bee,” Dieter said. “Show me what you have in mind for our new show. What is going to give Disney Parks guests the best experience? Which one am I going to have to beg you to make me over and over?”

She resisted the urge to blush and utterly melt at Diet’s insistence on using her silly childhood nickname and insinuating that she would bake specifically for him… and that he would beg for her. 

Ugh! Stop it! she scolded herself within her own mind. 

“Are you asking me to start with the best one?” she asked him with a coy smile. The desserts were all lined up on a shelf at knee-height behind the counter. 

“Yes please,” Dieter said eagerly. 

“I’ll take anything you have to offer,” Amanda agreed. “We’re just excited to eat something!”

Amanda was lying, obviously given the entire star-caliber snack table that Disney had laid out for them. Still, she reached down and brandished two plates with two Star Wars themed jelly donuts. They each had a galaxy pattern for icing and a tiny white chocolate spaceship atop them. 

“These are the Galaxy’s Edge Donuts,” she announced, placing one plate in front of Dieter and another in front of Amanda. “They were created here in this very test kitchen. With galaxy vanilla icing and lemon galactic filling. The small ship on the top is a handmade white chocolate mold.”

Dieter grabbed for his donut eagerly and took a bite of it before groaning at the delicious taste of the snack. She felt her heart flutter at the realization that Dieter Bravo was moaning while he ate food that she had baked for him. Well, she hadn’t baked this batch, but she had made the recipe and designed them. 

“I love this one,” Dieter said with his mouth still slightly full. “Did you create this one, Bee?”

“I did,” she said proudly. “What do you think, Amanda?”

“I love it,” Amanda lied. “I don’t usually like lemon in desserts but this one truly is out of this world.”

“Oh, I disagree, I love lemon,” Dieter said defensively. “Bee, you know how to make dessert. I have no doubts you could do anything you set your mind to. I bet if you auditioned for a movie role right now you’d get it too.”

She flushed deep red at the compliment, hoping and praying that the full-coverage foundation that Becca had mixed up would cover her blush. She knew Dieter was a sweetheart without even knowing him, but she had never imagined that he would be this sweet. 

“This one is a hit, guys,” Dieter said to the camera. “When you’re in the Parks next, you’ve got to stop by and get yourselves one. I know this is going to be my new go-to.”

“Oh, but Dieter you haven’t tried the others!” she protested. 

He laughed and referenced his now-half eaten donut. “I don’t know how you top this!”

“You did ask me for the best one first,” she reasoned. “But I have two more great desserts to show you that I designed.”

Dieter clapped his hands together and Amanda let out another fake giggle. 

“Bring it on then, Bee,” Dieter said happily. 

“We want more!” Amanda agreed. “What’s next?”

“Cut!” the producer said, startling the woman out of her next move. She had planned to lean down and procure two plates of the next dessert. “Clear these plates out of the way and take a few minutes before we do the next round. Which ones are next?”

“The-the cookies,” she stuttered, shaken out of her confident streak.

“Okay, cool,” the producer said. “We’ll start again in two minutes. Drink some water, all three of you."

She complied and couldn’t help but watch as Dieter drank out of his small sized water bottle. She loved how he looked holding small things. It made his hands look massive. She wondered how her small hands would look with her fingers intertwined with his. 

“You okay, Bee?” Dieter asked her after he had swallowed. “You’re doing amazing, really. I think you’re a natural at this.”

“Yeah,” she said, feeling the heat rush to her face once more. “I’m doing just great. Thank you, Dieter.”

She knows Dieter Bravo now. 

And he’s the only person in the world that calls her Bee. 

Chapter 6 | Series Masterlist

[survey--s]

530.

When was the last time you were stung by a bee? What kind was it? Years ago - I think it was just a normal bumblee.

Do you know anyone personally who had their house burn down before? Yeah, my ex’s parents lost everything in a house fire.

When was the last time you had a piece of cake? What was the occasion? Uhh, last week sometime I think, and well, because I fancied some cake lol.

Has anyone ever kissed you in the rain? Did it seem romantic at the time? Yeah - it’s been both romantic and irritating depending on the circumstances.

Have you ever had a pet that was black and white? Yeah, all our black cats have technically been black and white as they’ve all had tiny white patches on them somewhere.

What are three great toppings for pancakes? Butter, maple syrup and blueberries.

Have you ever been hypnotized? No.

What are three things you’ve gotten a lot of compliments on? My photography, my business and how good I am with animals.

Did you/do you like school? I loved primary school but hated middle/secondary school.

What was/is the best thing about going to school? In primary, all of it - I loved it. I hated pretty much everything about the rest of it.

The worst? The social aspect was probably the toughest bit for me.

What was/is your favourite subject? History.

Least favourite? Maths and Chemistry.

What age did you start school? I was in pre-school from 18 months old.

What is the worst rumor that has been spread about you? Nothing too horrendous, thankfully.

What is the worst rumor you have spread about someone else? I’ve never spread any rumours.

Who is your favourite sportsman/woman? What sport do they play? I don’t really pay any attention to sports-people.

Do you believe in the devil? No.

Is religion in the world a plus or a minus? Minus. A big fat minus.

Do you respect other people's religions? I respect other people’s right to believe in whatever they like, but I don’t respect religion as a concept, no.

Do you get more headaches, earaches, toothaches or sore eyes? Headaches.

Favourite type of muffin? Blueberry.

What’s the first animal you go to see at the zoo? Penguins and tigers.

What’s the strangest or rarest creature you’ve seen at a zoo? White tigers, white lions and snow leopards.

What animal is at a zoo that really, in your opinion, shouldn’t be? Orcas and dolphins.

Do you like zoos or aren’t you bothered? I love good zoos who focus on conservation and who make sure the animals have the best quality of life possible.

I offer you a cigarette, you say… No thanks, I don't smoke.

I offer to buy you an alcoholic drink and you reply… Sure.

I offer you $5,0000 to kill a world leader. What’s your response? Nowhere near enough.

When do you normally laugh the most? When something’s funny?

Where does your best friend live? We live together.

Who do you think, outside family, has made the biggest impact on your life?  I have no idea.

Color is the nearest book to you? Red and green.

Is it ever okay to hit a child? When is this? I’d say the only time it’s acceptable is if you need to hit their hand away from say, an open flame or a burning hot radiator - so when the alternative could kill them or cause life-changing injuries. 

Are you afraid of going out at night in case you get attacked? Nope, I can’t say that’s something that’s ever crossed my mind, but we live in a really, really safe area.

Can you honestly say you’ve got a good heart and mean well? I suppose so but I also think I’m very selfish person.

Do you have any hormone problems? How do they affect you? Only around my period, and I just get irritable and short-tempered for a few days.

What do you think the world would be like now if Germany won WWII? I mean, how can anyone answer this? Hitler winning the war is no guarantee that he’d have stayed in power for any significant amount of time.

Can you imagine a world without music? No.

What natural phenomenon do you find the most beautiful? The northern lights, sunsets.

Would you kill someone who killed a child? No. I think that makes you just as bad as them.

How about YOUR child? Again, no. It makes you just as bad a person as them.

What’s your thoughts on Donald Trump? He’s a giant orange fuck-nugget.

If you’re American, how do you feel about it? Haha, I’m incredibly glad I’m not American.

Favorite alcoholic drink? Raspberry vodka.

What do you think of Satanism? It’s not really something I have an opinion on, to be honest.

How do you feel about global warming? It’s too late to do anything about it now.

Do you know how to handle somebody having a seizure? All I know is to roll them on their side.

Have you ever had a seizure? No.

Worst drug you’ve ever done? I've never done a drug illegally. 

Metallic or matte? It depends - I think both can look good.

Do your siblings dye their hair? I don’t have any siblings.

How long have you liked the person you’re into now? We’ve been together almost seven years now.

Do you still have any of your exes’ stuff? Just gifts they’ve bought me.

What did your first best friend look like? She had long brown ringlets, freckles and green eyes. Her name was Lucy.

Is your best friend dating anyone? I’m married to my best friend.

Have you ever given oral sex? Yes.

Received oral sex? Yes.

Do you like poetry? I love reading it but not writing it.

What period in history is your favourite? The Tudors, the Stuarts, the Victorians and WWI.

How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies, family, strippers, locker rooms)? No idea. It’s not really something I keep track of, lol.

What is the last game you played on your phone? MergeHotel.

Do you have your full birth name on your Facebook? No.

What’s the last notification you got on there? A comment on a post I put on a Beagle page from someone called Audrey.

Do you live in a house, townhouse, apartment, trailer, etc.? A house.

Does a lot of your family live within 15-20 minutes of you? All my in-laws do. My parents live about 40 minutes drive and the rest of my family live overseas.

[heyidkyay]

Blueberry Muffin |

Okay, haven't posted anything much like this before but I've been sick, bored out of my mind, and have recently gotten reacquainted with my love for The 1975. So here's a cringy and crappy short fic for all my Matty Healy fans:) Just a forewarning, this hasn't been edited.

Summary: London, its many strangers, and a whole lot of guessing..?

Mentions: anxiety, food

--

Fuck.

Fuck-fuck-fucking-fuck.

The grit of my teeth had long since begun to hurt my jaw as I ground them together, but I paid it no mind and just continued to aimlessly tap away at my upper thigh. Questioning, once again, why I had forced myself into another one of these situations. Fucking London.

It wasn’t that I was some sort of recluse or anything like that, promise. It’s just that somedays my anxiety grew so intense it made me want to hide away from everything and anything. Even myself. 

But I’d had a somewhat decent nights sleep and woke up feeling alright, so I’d decided to venture out into the city to pick up some things I’d been putting off for a while now. December had come and gone, Christmas a bleary haze, and now that the January sales had finally died down, I figured that things might not be as hectic as they typically were so that I could just pop in and out. 

I really should’ve known better. 

London, even on the slowest of all days, was nothing if not polluted by people. And if there was one thing you could truly rely on, was that not a single one of them gave a shit about you. No, there was none of that Northern politeness here down south. And Central was the worst for it.

Still, it was home, and most days I liked the feeling of being nearly invisible. Because the city was also so incredibly easy to lose yourself in, you could blend seamlessly into the masses and nobody would be none the wiser. Yeah, there was a bump to the shoulder here, and the beep of an oncoming cab there. But no one remembered your face, or even the unhelpful apology that usually followed without a second glance.

Albeit saying that, here I was, stood on some random street corner, somewhere between Carnaby and Soho, outside a cafe or some other, struggling to resemble the simple act of appearing calm.

I was beyond ready to just head home, but knowing the underground like I did and the thought of having to sit within such a close proximity to a hundred other commuters was not something I felt like would help very much at this moment. So I’d ultimately decided to just head over to the nearest coffee shop and grab myself a brew. But yet, I was still stood here, agonising over the fact that to do exactly that, I would ultimately have to go inside and interact with even more people.

It seemed that my anxiety was winning the war this time around, because I just could not see myself doing it. So instead, I kept loitering, letting my eyes roam over the rest of the people that passed by me blissfully unaware. 

As mad as London was, it was also one of the best places to people-watch, there were thousands of people constantly bustling there way around and each of them wore some part of their story on their person. Whether it was a wine stained blouse, an exaggerated yawn, or a neon coloured mohawk peaking ten inches above an otherwise balding head.

So I found myself just idly watching as I took a moment to breathe, propping myself up against the nearest brick wall.

There were a bunch of school lads pissing about a little down the way, shoving and laughing amongst themselves whilst a couple of older women shook their heads in passing. I rolled my eyes and transferred my attention. I couldn’t help but chuckle under my breath at the grinning toddler who then blew past, a struggling parent staggering behind.

The wind today seemed gentle, although a tad bit cold, so I dragged the sleeves of my jumper down over my hands in an attempt to warm them slightly. It was then that a larger group caught my gaze. They had congregated just outside the tiny cafe I was stood beside, six or seven girls around my age, perhaps a little bit younger, all appeared to be clawing for the attention of some bloke they’d crowded around. I surveyed them a little in amusement- Oh, what most men would give, I thought with a soft snort.

I couldn’t see much of him, the man, just the top of his head really. A mass of dark curls. He appeared to be taking the sudden devotion in his stride though, talking back and forth animately, nodding along with enough enthusiasm that his hair sort of followed in a bounce of its own.

Another breeze hit then and as I shivered I wished that I’d remembered to grab my scarf on the way out this morning instead of just my headphones- which, were now almost completely dead. I was helplessly trying to save the last of their battery for the journey home, hoping they’d prove to be a welcomed distraction.

But when I glanced back up, I found that the group had dispersed somewhat. The girls were now wandering further away, all of them adorning huge smiles as their excited eyes kept trailing back over their shoulders. The guy though, had seemed to sort of vanish. Probably having slipped back into the oncoming traffic of people, I supposed. It was then that I silently scolded myself when I noticed I’d been rubbing the back of my thumb over my teeth again. It was an anxious tick of sorts, one that sometimes left my hands raw, and something my mum wholeheartedly hated. 

I smiled slightly at the reminder of her, she’d have started swatting as soon as I’d started up. 

Should probably give her a call later, now that I thought about it, maybe on the way home if I still felt like crap. That woman was godawful when it came to talking, could chat about absolutely anything at the best of times, but always knew how to best cheer me up.

“You alright?” Came a sudden voice, startling me from my tangent of thoughts.

I snapped my head over to where a man now stood about a foot away, leaning casually against the same wall, with a cigarette hanging from his lower lip. He seemed ready to light it from the way he was cradling a lighter just by his chin, but had paused once he’d taken note of my presence.

“Uh,” I stumbled, slightly taken aback. I’d not even realised he’d been stood there, nor was I prepared for an actual conversation. “Yeah, you?” I forced out on instinct, confused by the sudden exchange but not bewildered enough to not give that typical greeting its usual half-arsed reply.

The guy hummed as he lit his cigarette, taking a quick drag before he let it hang loosely between his fingertips. My brow furrowed, certain that this was the same bloke I’d just seen, the one who’d suddenly disappeared from his swarm of adoring fans.

“It’s just,” The man begun again, blowing remnants of smoke out the side of his mouth. “You seem a little jumpy, like you’re waiting for something to happen. Wanted to know what I was getting myself into, standing here beside you. Not plotting nothing, are you?”

I choked a little on my next laugh, a bit disbelieving. “And if I was?” I found myself asking before I could think better of it. 

As the guy shrugged, his lip curled enough to make his nose twitch. The picture of indifference. 

Then he turned to me with a shit-eating grin, “So go on then, who’re you stalking? An old flame, the one who got away… A maths teacher who gave you a crappy mark?”

I quirked a brow. 

“Um,” Unable to stop myself from blowing out a quiet chuckle, “None of the above?” Phrasing it like a question.

“How boring.” The guy dragged out, letting his head fall against the brick work, his curls cushioning its landing. He looked at me then, and I could sort of make out where his eyes were from behind the dark shades he was wearing.

I hummed, feigning offence. “That hurts, coming from you- the guy wearing sunglasses on a day without sun.”

His mouth twitched as he took another drag. “It’s London, love. There’s never any sun.”

I shook my head at him and looked away in attempt to hide my smile.

It was quiet for a few moments after that, but he was still stood there so I figured that that had been the end of our short interaction. My anxiety had dulled somewhat but I couldn’t help the way I’d begun to play with the zip of my jacket, eyes scanning the crowds as my mind found a soft rhythm in the metal’s sound. 

My attention differed when I heard him move again and glanced over to find him stumping out his fag beneath the heel of his boot. When he met my gaze he held it for a slow second before he said, “Wait here, yeah.”

He wandered off then, too quickly for me to question him or utter a reply to that strange demand, he’d just left me to watch him round the corner. 

And so I frowned, staring into the space he’d just occupied, before a huffy laugh slipped out and I found myself shaking my head once again.

Living in London, you met the oddest sorts. Someone asking for something or other as they passed you by, another nutter off their head offering up their life story as you waited for the bus to come. But I’d never really had an exchange like that.

Wait here. I mulled the words over.

With nothing better to do, and not really sensing any immediate danger headed my way, I decided to take perch on the cobbled curb of the side street I’d been lingering on. If I was going to wait, then I’d sit and do so. I couldn’t much be arsed to stand about any longer. My legs were already stiff from standing for ages trying to pluck up enough courage to head into that stupid coffee shop, and the wind had decided then to pick up. 

Besides, the guy hadn’t been half-bad to look at, I could see why the girls had grown quite attached. 

So it was there that the stranger found me when he returned, lips pursed as he rounded the corner. When he noticed me sat there though his smile widened and he manoeuvred himself quite quickly onto the curb beside me, easily enough that he didn’t upset the cardboard tray he held in one hand and the bag he had in the other.

“Thought you’d wandered off for a second there.” He commented, dropping the bag between his folded legs to pluck a drink from the tray. He then handed the warm cup to me and I seemed to take it on impulse. “Good that you hadn’t though, would’ve gone to waste otherwise.” He added as he gestured with his head towards the steaming cup I now cradled confusedly. He was rummaging around for the bag again before I could even work up the words to question what was happening. He tossed it towards me. “That too.”

“Um…” I said, eyes flitting between the drink, the bag, and the man himself. 

“A thanks wouldn’t go amiss.” I heard him say, and finally looked back up to find him wearing an amused but cocky smirk.

“What?”

He gestured at the cup again and I peered down, taking note of the logo which I then realised belonged to small cafe sat beside us.

“This is for me?”

He just stared blankly back at me.

“Why?” I finally questioned, coming to my senses.

“Why not?” He retorted smartly, already sipping at his own drink.

I blinked whilst I tucked a small strand of hair behind my ear, unsure.

“It’s not poisoned.”

With a unhelpful snort I said, “Sounds promising. What is it then?”

“Was gonna grab you a coffee- figure, everyone likes coffee.” He started with an animated shrug. “But you seemed a bit jittery already, so went with tea instead. Oh,” He stopped to pull a couple of tiny pots from his coat pocket and dumped them onto the road between us. “Milk.”

“And if I liked sugar?” I found myself teasing as I opened the plastic lid, pouring in a good amount of milk into the dark brew. I blew at the rim to watch the steam whirl into the air before I took a small sip, my eyes found his, still hidden behind those dark glasses he wore.

“Then I’d tell you to go fuck yourself.”

“Fair enough.” I chuckled, liking his bluntness, then held up the cup as I added, “Thank you, though- for this.”

He simply waved me off. As though it was no big deal.

I set the tea down on the pavement beside me for a moment to peer into the bag he’d tossed my way. I tried to bite back a pleased grin when I turned to him. “We’re sharing this, by the way.”

His forehead wrinkled from over his cup.

“Bossy, I like it.” Was what he came out with, before he dipped his chin slightly in discouragement. “But no, you’re all good. Have it.”

I shook my head at him. “Come on, we can split it.” I said, already pulling the sweet treat he’d purchased halfway out of the paper bag. 

He quirked a brow. “How? It’s a muffin, just keep it.”

“It’s blueberry though.”

The guy just looked back at me, lost but somewhat curious. “What the fuck does it being blueberry have to do with it?”

“Everything. Blueberry muffins are the best sort.” I shrugged as though the answer had been obvious, pulling at the cake’s top to split it horizontally through the middle. I handed him his half then shook the crumbs off of my jacket sleeve. “I’m taking the top part though, sorry.” I added, already tearing into the dome shaped top.

He adverted his gaze between myself and the cased muffin’s bottom a few times. Almost like he didn’t know what to do with himself.

I hummed in appreciation at the sweet flavour that coated my tongue before peering back over at him, he seemed to be watching me but I couldn’t be sure.

“What?” I question, feeling a tad self-conscious under his gaze.

“Blueberry. You’re claiming that blueberry is the best of all the muffin flavours. That’s astounding to be frank. I’m actually baffled. I mean, blueberry… Really?”

I merely grinned.

“Really.”

He shook his head, holding his tongue between his front teeth to keep from smiling too.

He kicked a leg out then, sitting his drink on the gravel road to take a taste of the soft treat. He seemed to mull the flavour over a bit before he finally grunted, “It’s alright.”

“Alright? Just alright?” I retorted, almost offended on the muffin’s behalf. “This-“ I held up my segment, “is almost perfect.”

One word seemed to catch his attention though, he cocked a brow. “Almost?”

I hummed, not bothering with a reply as I broke off another chunk and tossed it into my mouth.

His tongue danced over his lower lip and left the topic be. I took the moment to grab my tea again, appreciating the warmth of it in my palms. That’s when I caught the name sharpied onto its side.

I snorted, “What’s with Frankenstein?”

His eyebrows lifted up over the rim of his glasses as he turned to face me, but he seemed to make sense of what I’d meant when he caught me cradling the cup. He laughed but didn’t comment any further.

I couldn’t help my smile by this point, “Come on. What’s your real name then?”

He smirked. “Now where’s the fun in that?”

“Um, so I can thank you properly?” I suggested, but immediately wished I hadn’t.

“Properly, hm?” He parroted back, that cocky smile of his was back in full beam. “I can think of a hundred different ways you could thank me properly without even needing to know my name.”

His grin only grew wider when he saw the mostly disgusted look plastered on my face. I scoffed playfully.

“I might’ve just been stood on a street corner, but I can promise you now that that’s not happening.”

A sharp bark erupted from him, but it didn’t seem to garner any attention from anyone else, as though we’d created our own little bubble. “I like it. But we’ll see.”

I rolled my eyes but decided to move on. “You’re really not going to give me your name then?”

He acted as though he was mulling it over. “What do I get in return?” He asked with a small jerk of his chin, then seeing my unimpressed stare, he added, “I’m just messing about, darling. How about- you guess it.”

“You’re not being serious.” At his nod, I all but groaned, “How am I supposed to guess your name? Do you know how long we could be sat here?”

He shrugged a shoulder and went in for another bite of the blueberry muffin. “Don’t know, but you’re the one who’s guessing so I’d get started.”

I thinned my lips. “At least give me a clue then.”

He eyed me for a moment, then wiped at his mouth before he ultimately dipped his head. “Alright. But this is your only one, yeah?”

I thought about it briefly then nodded unhappily, it was probably the best offer I was going to get out of him. 

He grinned as though he’d won some sort of prize, but before I could snark back he was prattling away again. “Okay. It’s common, I’ll give you that. But that's all you’re getting.”

“Common.” I thought about it as I brought a knee up to my chest to rest my chin against. “So are we talking Bible sort of common, or just British?”

“Ah, ah, ah. That’s cheating. Only the one clue, remember.”

I exhaled huffily before chewing on the inside of my cheek. 

“Jack.” I guessed.

He shook his head.

“John?”

He snorted, “No.”

“James? Jacob!”

“Fuck me, what’s with all the J’s?”

“So it doesn’t start with a J.” I smiled triumphantly but my victory was rapidly swept away when he hit back with, “Never said that.”

Even with his denial, I switched it up a bit and took the time to carefully observe him. He definitely seemed like someone who owned his name. Meaning, that he wasn’t a Tom who looked a lot more like a Harry. 

Immediately I removed those two names from the mental list I was rapidly curating, deciding that they didn’t much suit him.

I was almost unaware of myself as I looked at him, taking in the small details he offered to the world. The hollow of his cheeks, the scruff on his chin, the wrinkles dotted around his mouth and hairline. I wished for a moment to see the colour of his eyes then, believing that they might share a few more of his secrets.

“Oli?” I tried, then instantly decided against it, “How about George?”

He shook his head again at the first, and laughed a little harder at the second. I chewed at my lip. 

“This is difficult.”

He hummed, obviously finding amusement in my struggle as he sipped at his drink again.

I tapped away at my knee before kicking my leg out in mild frustration, not thinking too hard about the way my boot had lightly nicked his extended leg.

“Um,” I drawled out in dwindling thought. “William, but you keep it short… So, Will?”

“Nope.” 

“Christopher?”

“Look, you’re close with the length.” He mentioned. 

I grinned at him in complete surprise and he grunted unhappily when the realisation hit him that he’d just offered me up another clue.

“Nicholas? I think you could be a Nick-” I paused, tilting my head one way, then another. “No wait, actually no.” I grimaced at the thought, then sighed. “I have zero clue here.”

“Ah, come on, love. You can’t give up just as you’re getting close.” He encouraged, I pulled a face at him, hating the fact that he was finding this whole charade entertaining.

“Just tell me.” I pleaded.

“Nah.”

“Come on. Why not?”

He shook his head, smiling all the while. “‘Cause.”

I narrowed my eyes.

Taking another aggressive bite out of my muffin, I let my gaze roam over his attire, taking in the dark oversized pilots jacket he had layered over a slightly longer linen shirt, which was a few shades lighter than that of his trousers. The trousers were crumpled from the way he’d chosen to sit but otherwise seemed to fit him well, a beige sort of colour that led straight into a pair of heavy black docs.

A few more names lingered on the tip of my tongue but ultimately I decided on, “Matthew.”

His face perked up upon hearing it and I was celebrating before he could even confirm it for me. 

“Fucking dragged that out.” He said with false fatigue, to which I swatted his arm for, but he leant away, chuckling all the while. 

When I relented he made a show out of repositioning himself- somewhat closer now than he had originally been, which I vaguely noticed but chose not to comment on. He rubbed at the tip of his nose briefly then, before he finally- finally- tugged off those godawful glasses he wore, making a home for them in his nest of curls.

I quietened down.

Brown. His eyes were brown. And they were bright and earnest and wrinkled by his smile.

I couldn’t not grin right back at him. 

“Matthew.” I practically declared, happy to have won. 

He shook his head in laughter, “Now, before you go getting ahead of yourself, it’s actually Matty.”

Hm, yeah, that sounded more like him. 

“Matty.” I couldn’t help but repeat, somewhat quieter than before.

We shared a look then that seemed to last a century and yet a second. I blinked. 

“Am I gonna have to guess yours now? Payback and all that.” Matty queried, and had somehow procured a pack of cigarettes in his hands. He lit one.  

“Oo, should I?” I ask, half tempted, and finished off the dregs of my muffin, wiping away what little remained. “Feel like we’d be here all day then.”

Matty offered up the lit cigarette. He’d already taken a slow drag, and I wasn’t much of a smoker, but it had honestly been a day, so I accepted, watching him as I inhaled.

“Is it something cool?” He quizzed, palms splayed out now across the pavement behind us as he relaxed further. I frowned at him, not catching what he meant. “Your name.” He chuckled.

“Oh, I dunno really. Bit uncool to say your name’s cool though, ain’t it?”

“Depends on whether your name’s actually cool or not.” Matty commented, and I couldn’t not laugh as he continued on, “If you’ve got a generic fucking name like- I don’t know- Andy, and think it’s proper cool then that’s just a bit sad. I mean, Andy. Really? How bland can you be? But you come out with something like Megatron, then…” He shrugged, “You’re sort of set for life. Kids will think your sick, and you’d be in there the second you mention it when you’re out trying to pull.”

“I fucking doubt that.”

“Ah, come on! You mean to tell me you wouldn’t shag a bloke called Ezekiel or some crap like that?” Matty demanded, seemingly in disbelief.

“Ezekiel- where the fuck have you just pulled that name from?” I couldn’t not ask.

“Hebrew, ain't it?” Matty brushed over, before continuing on with his argument. I just sat there and listened, chiming in here and there to wind him up further, but was mostly entertained by his take on the topic.

“Fuck!” He all but shouted with a strangled sort of laugh— in the time he’d been ranting, he’d already lit two more cigarettes and downed the last of his coffee. “Why’d you let me ramble on? I was meant to be getting your name!”

I smiled and moved to sit in a more comfortable position, crossing my legs. “You can talk for England, you. Not my fault you don’t know when to shut up.”

Matty didn’t seem to mind the jeering, he snorted as he sidled closer on the curb. “So go on, your name.” He prompted, brown eyes teasing and bright under the afternoon sun.

I rolled my own before letting them stray to the left, up and over to where people still seemed to be bustling past the side street, unaware of us, or just uncaring.

“Y/n.” I relented, turning my head back towards Matty.

He stared long and hard at me for a second, appearing to rest my name between the cusp of his teeth, right there on the tip of his tongue. And then he spoke, “Y/n. Suits you.” 

I quirked a brow, “Oh, yeah?”

Matty hummed with a smile. “Yeah. Reckon I could’ve guessed it easily.”

I couldn’t help the god awful snort I released as I shook my head in exasperation, hair brushing against the shoulders of my jacket as it fell forward. “You’re a twat.”

But he didn’t seem to mind it.

[l4k3hug43s]

platonic - rafe cameron

part two / part three

rafe cameron x f!kook reader

inspiration songs:

back to sleep - chris brown, fuck up the friendship - leah kate, come thru - summer walker, skin - rihanna, nasty - ariana grande, kisses down low - kelly rowland, say it tory lanez, drunk and nasty - pi’erre bourne, wet the bed - chris brown, ride - somo, naked & woman - doja cat, find your love - drake

summary: rafe was two years older and her older brother’s best friend. always has been off limits they have always been close, but never close enough. when rafe finds out y/n has feelings for him and suddenly he sees her in a whole new light. he starts to notice her more and more, developing his own feelings for the girl. will her brother keep them apart?

warnings: swearing, under age drinking, angst, jealousy, anger, & toxic past relationships 

word count: 2.5k

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friday 7:12am 

making her way down the stairs to head to school y/n hears her older brother talking to rafe. fuck. god what the fuck. why is he here? it’s 7am! she fixes her backpack strap and slowly walk towards the door. “y/n.” she hears her father say from his office. suddenly rafe and hayden look over at her. “damn it,” she squeezes her fists together and turning towards her dad. “hey dad, good morning.” he stands up from his desk chair and makes his way towards her slowly. “why are you leaving the house so early?” it was her last day of high school and she wanted to catch up with her friends. 

“just wanted to see my friends,” she smiles lightly before turning back towards the door. “y/n you need to eat,” she hears her brother say. she groans quietly. she soon makes her way towards the kitchen to see hayden and rafe standing on the other side of the island. their large figure 8 home gives her at least 6 feet of distance from rafe. she bites the inside of her cheek before making eye contact with rafe. that alone made her heart stop. she was extremely nervous all of a sudden. she knew why she just didn’t want to be in this situation in the first place. hayden sets a plate in front of her placing a blueberry muffin on it that he heated up in the oven. 

“i was going to eat it, but i figured you needed it more than me,” he says shutting the oven off and pushing the plate towards her. “thanks,” she mumbles taking a bite. rafe looks back at her brother. “so, you think i could be an officer for the fraternity,” rafe says leaning against the counter. “oh yeah, definitely. especially with the name cameron you are already a shoe in,” hayden laughs. her family has always been close to the cameron’s. it was always the monroe’s and cameron’s, the richest people on the island of killdare and honorable alum of chapel hill. 

“thanks for the muffin hayden, i’m gonna head out,” y/n says climbing down from her stool. hayden nodes and goes back to talking to rafe. 

- 

“he looked so good mace, he was doing doing absolutely nothing, like he’s walking sex” y/n groans while laying her head against her locker. “who?” she hears a voice ask from behind her. it was no one other than sarah cameron. the sophomore stares up at y/n with wide eyes. “oh uh hey sarah,” she laughs awkwardly because she almost got caught drooling over the blonde’s older brother. “i came over here to invite you to my annual last day of school party. parents are out of town,” she smiles ear to ear. “also rafe is back so he’ll be able to get booze from someone,” 

macey laughs and thanks sarah for the invite. sarah walks away quickly catching up with topper and his other friends to invite them as well. “you know, hayden doesn’t want you anywhere near rafe,” macey sighs. “yeah i know, he’s a cock block,” she slams her locker shut. “i understand the whole bro code thing, but if i wanted it first it shouldn’t be breaking bro code,” y/n mumbles biting her lip. “rafe doesn’t see you like that babe, im sure hayden has warned him a million times,” she says patting y/n’s back looking at her sadly. “i know, god why won’t he see me as more than just his best friends little sister?” y/n frowns closing her eyes. 

after the last bell rang everyone floods the hallways and outside the school to finally enjoy freedom. y/n grabs the last of her things from her locker. she looks at it one last time before she shuts it and walks towards the exit. “hey y/n! wait up!” she hears sarah shout from behind her. sarah catches up to her and wraps her arm around y/n. “you’re coming tonight right?” sarah asks all giddy. “of course, how could i miss a cameron party,” y/n laughs. “good, i have to tell you something big, but you have to promise you won’t tell anyone,” she says biting her lip nervously. “yeah of course hop in,” y/n says unlocking her car. 

“i may have kissed john b,” she spills quickly. y/n looks over at her with wide eyes. “what,” she gasps. “what about topper?” y/n asks breathlessly. “we uh we’re still together, but i want to end things with him. he just isn’t the one for me,” she sighs laying back against the seat. “you’re 16 you have lots of time to find out about who you want sarah.” y/n is still processing what sarah just said. “but... you know how much your brother and his friends aka your boyfriend hate the pogues,” she rubs her face and frowns again. “i know i just, he’s so sweet and he treats me better than topper,” 

y/n sits back and looks at sarah with sympathy. “look maybe you need to talk to topper and tell him how you’re feeling before you decide anything,” y/n says starting her car. “also am i picking up wheezie?” she asks to lighten the mood. “oh yeah she was going to walk, but i told her i would find a ride,” sarah laughs softly. “alright lets go,” 

- 

friday night 10:23pm

y/n looks through her clothes and finally picks out an outfit for the party and makes her way down stairs. she finds her older sister standing in the living room talking to her brother about something involving the family business. she looks at them waiting for them to stop. “y/n, you look so cute where are you going?” laura asks walking towards her to touch her hair. “the cameron’s,”  hayden cuts her off before she could answer laura. “ohh you finally going on a date with ra-” y/n quickly covers laura’s mouth. “no what,” she says face flushing red. “what?” hayden says a little angry. “rafe?” he furrows his eyebrows. “you like rafe?” he says walking closer. laura whispers a sorry. 

“i uh, no she was kidding,” y/n laughs nervously. “why are you blushing?” he asks getting even closer. “i’m not its just hot in here,” she looks away from her brother and backs away. “stop hayden,” laura says pushing him away. “there is nothing wrong with a little crush,” she rolls her eyes. “yeah but there is a problem if my best friend is macking on my baby sister,” he says with gritted teeth. “no look, you guys have it all wrong. sarah is throwing a party and i am going for her. plus i dont know what laura is talking about, i dont like rafe,” y/n lies shaking her head. “y/n its okay,” laura smiles. y/n looks away from them and walks towards the door. she couldn’t believe her sister would say that. she told her that in full confidence. she sighs before starting her car. she feels her phone vibrate in between her legs. 

monhoe siblings grp chat 

monroe #2: laura you better be joking, or i’ll kill cameron. 

monroe #1: i was jeez chill out hay. i like to tease y/n bc rafe is cute 

monroe #3: hayden please i’m trying to have a good night. obviously rafe doesn’t like me like that nor do i. she likes to rile you up.  

monroe #1: hey y/n thats not fair :(

monroe #3: you know its true laur. rafe is his lover

monroe #2: stfu y/n/n. >:(  just have fun and be safe, call if you need a ride

monroe #1: yeah have fun babygirl your graduation is on sunday!

monroe #3: yeah yeah :/

y/n finally pulls up to tannyhill and shakes off the conversation with her older siblings. she was ready to get absolutely wasted. she gets inside to see there were a lot of people. way more than last year. she makes her way to the kitchen to get a drink. she runs into a hard chest and gasps almost falling on her ass. she feels someone grab her arms and pull her up. “woah there monroe dont fall want you on your ass,” she hears rafe’s laugh. she looks up at him and quickly gets out of his grip. “thanks,” she mumbles fixing her dress. “you okay you seem stressed?” he asks with a soft voice looking into her eyes with his deep blue ones. “yeah, yeah i’m fine,” she says dismissive not looking him in the eyes. rafe looks her up and down before nodding and walking away. she watches him walk away. 

she gets a drink and chugs it not caring at all who’s watching. rafe looked deep in her soul. jesus what the fuck. why was he concerned. he has never cared about how she’s been. she’s known him since she was 3 and he was 5 and he has never ever cared. she takes another glass and chugs that as well. “fuck yeah y/n!” macey laughs wrapping her arms around y/n’s waist. “you look so sexy and smell so good,” she giggles nuzzling into y/n’s neck. she was way past gone already. “thank you mace, how many drinks have you had?” y/n laughs taking her best friend into her arms. “too many, kelcey left me for rafe and topper,” she frowns. her and kelce were attached at the hip so y/n assumed macey walked away because she was drunk. “okay well, lets go find him yeah?” 

once they find kelce he thanks y/n and takes macey into his arms. she finally enjoys herself and starts dancing. she dances with sarah and a few of her other friends in he senior class. she has had a lot of drinks and is starting to feel warm and fuzzy inside. she wraps her arms around some guy who was dancing next her and lays her head back in euphoria. she was gonna let go tonight. no more thinking about rafe. he is off to chapel hill once again and she’ll be at duke. 

- 

the next morning y/n wakes up on sarah’s bed next to sarah and some girl named olivia that wants to be sarah’s best friend so bad. y/n moans and rolls off the bed. she fixes her dress and looks at herself in the mirror. “fuck,” she mumbles looking at the giant cut on her top lip. she hissed and the feeling when she touched it. “you look like you fought someone,” she snaps her head to see rafe standing in the door way laughing at her. “honestly, i might have,” she laughs looking at it again. “wonder what the other person looks like?” she jokes grabbing her shoes to leave. “hayden came by and picked up your car so your parents wouldn’t be mad,” he says showing her the text from hayden. “well what the hell how am i supposed to get home,” she groans. “i can take you,” rafe says shrugging. she looks up at him with wide eyes. “no thats not necessary,” she laughs nervously. “no its all good i need to go that way anyways to meet my dad at his office, they decided to come home early this morning to work,” 

y/n nods and follows rafe out of the room. “rafe!” they both turn to see olivia rushing towards them. “can you give me a ride too,” she bats her eyes. y/n rolls her eyes and looks away. “uh, no sorry i dont know where you live,” he says looking at her annoyed. why was he annoyed? i mean it would make things less awkward if she came, right? y/n looks back at olivia and smiles at her apologetically. “oh uh okay,” she says glaring at y/n. “thanks anyways,” y/n frowns and looks down at her feet. 

the car ride wasn’t as bad as y/n anticipated. the low music in the background made things seem so much better. y/n was shaking her leg really hard biting the tip of her finger. she was so fucking nervous. she looks over at him to see him concentrated on the road with one hand on the wheel the other on the gear. she stares at his large ring filled hands. she swallows looking away. it was suddenly getting extremely hot in there. she rubs the top of her thighs and coughs. “so uh, did you enjoy the party?” she asks softly. rafe looks over at her and nods. “yeah i always enjoy the parties i throw,” he says turning down her street. “me too,” she says reaching for all her stuff. “tell hayden i’ll see him later, yeah?” he says parking in front of your house. “yeah, course,” she says stepping out of his pick up. “thanks for the ride,” she says before shutting the door. 

when she steps inside its quiet. almost too quiet. confused she walks deeper into the house starting to hear some voices outside in the back. her eyes widen when she sees her ex davis standing there with his father talking to her mother. she shakes her head quickly and walks quickly away from the back door. “no no no no no no,” she says looking down walking towards the stairs. davis was her first and only boyfriend. he turned out to be the worst human being on the planet. why the hell was he here with her mother. she makes her way up the stairs. she finally reaches her bedroom locking her door. could this day get any worse. 

-

rafe makes his way into his dad’s office. he sees his father talking to a few clients. “oh rafe perfect you’re here,” he sees rose walk towards him with papers. he looks at the stack of papers and she hands them to him. “what are these?” he asks following her down the hallway. “houses that my clients will be interested in,” she says opening the door to her office for him. “also you’re late, what took you so long to get here?” she asks motioning where to set the stack of papers. “had to take one of sarah’s friends home,” she looks at him with a confused look. “why? you never cared about sarah’s friends, let alone doing her a favor by taking her friends home,” he rolls his eyes and sits down. “i felt like being nice,” he shrugs playing the rings on his fingers.

“it was y/n wasn’t it,” rose smirks. rafe looks up with wide eyes. “what? why would you think that?” he asks defensively. “you like her,” she says nonchalantly signing some papers on her desk. “don’t act like i don’t see the way you look at her,” rafe shakes his head in disbelief. rose seemed so confident in her response. rafe didn’t think much about y/n. he didn’t like her. well at least he didn’t think he did that is. 

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tags: @lilacsandwhiskey​ @sugarcoatedjj​ @r0und3bitch​ @aemtdea 

[talkfastromance4]

Hardships, Happiness, Hemmings--a magazine article--Luke&Lily

**this is a MOCK magazine page**

a/n: Hi! I wanted to try something different and I also just wanted to write about Luke gushing about mama and the kids😊 I hope you like it!

Word count: 1.8k

Enjoy!

•••

Article by: Claire Tucker

Flowers line the walkway to the front door and after a doting doorbell rings, the first thing before me is a brown eye-ed bulldog-terrier mix named Petunia, known famously as the dog owned by the tall, blond-curled Australian frontman of 5 Seconds of Summer, Luke Hemmings. He’s smiling warmly and then the quick patter of feet on the hardwood is behind him followed by an excited question, ‘who is it daddy?’

Luke swings his second daughter, Posy age 5, in his arms. She waves hello and asks who I am. ‘This is the nice lady interviewing us, remember? Come on in.’

An episode of Bluey plays on the tv where his other children, Lily (9) and Oliver (1) sit happily on the couch. Oliver waves, Lily gives a quiet yet polite hello as Posy introduces me to her siblings. From the outside they’re seen as a rockstar’s family, but on the inside, they are a family just like any other. Toys are everywhere, grocery lists line the fridge and a month’s calendar is filled and color coded with each child’s extracurriculars.

CT: How do you manage all of their schedules while you’re working on new music or are on tour?

LH: All of it couldn’t be done without my wife, y/n. She’s got everything down to a T and I have reminders on my phone as well. Being home on most days is really helpful while she’s at work so I can take Lily to ballet and Posy to karate. Their uncles are a big help.

CT: What’s the hardest part of parenting?

LH: There are hard things but having a partner is what makes it all better. We have difficulties like any other family; getting them to bed isn’t always easy, making sure homework is done, asking permission to use a toy instead of just taking it (he chuckled at that) Posy is always taking Lily’s things. We’re working on asking first.

CT: You share custody with Lily’s father, Cory Stone, was it hard at first? Because you’ve been with y/n for…almost ten years, now?

LH: Yeah, ten years. There were some rough spots in the beginning of our relationship and I was so nervous to meet Lily in the beginning. She was only one at the time, but I knew if she didn’t like me, I wouldn’t get another date with lovie. Lily and y/n have such a close bond.

CT: Lovie?

LH: Oh, sorry (he blushed) that’s my nickname for y/n. I always call her lovie. But um, Lily and I got along great right away and soon, I saw her like my daughter. Cory is great, and so is his wife Ella. They have a beautiful little girl, Violetta who absolutely adores Lily, Posy and Oliver.

CT: So you’re all a big blended family?

LH: Definitely. It takes a village to raise kids and our village is big enough to do just that. We have so much love and support and we want to make sure we’re supporting and helping them in any way we can.

At this point of the interview, y/n Hemmings joins us with a pitcher of lemonade and some blueberry muffins she said Lily made. y/n joins us for the second part and sits intimately close to Luke who greets her with a soft kiss to the cheek and an arm flung around her shoulders.

CT: Oliver is your youngest and you shared very briefly with fans that it was a somewhat difficult pregnancy. How did you maneuver that as a couple?

LH: It was very hard. My main concern was how y/n was doing after it all happened. She had to have an emergency C-section but as soon as her eyes opened, she was the mama bear I’ve known and loved all along. She demanded where our son was, what his condition was and that we needed to see him as soon as possible.

Y/NH: You make me sound horrendous. (she said this with a laugh and a hand to cover her face)

LH: No! Lovie, you woke up and were fierce. You always put our children first and it never ceases to amaze me.

CT: And how is Oliver doing now?

Y/N: He’s so wonderful, he loves to laugh. Because he was born prematurely, he hasn’t been talking yet so we’ve been Signing with him and he’s caught onto that pretty quickly. He loves snow.

LH: Yeah, we went to a cabin and it was the first time any of the kids saw snow, Oliver loved it the best. When it’s raining here, he’ll go to window and sign ‘snow’ and he pouts everytime that it’s just rain.

CT: Y/N, what is it like at home while Luke’s away touring with the band? How do the kids handle it?

Y/NH: It’s always hard the first few weeks. The kids miss him terribly and it’s hard to explain timezones but we always mark a spot on a map where he is. We FaceTime with him as much as we can and when he’s home, we always make the most of it even if it’s for a few days.

CT: Luke, how is it with you?

LH: I have yet to find the best way to get used to being away from them but honestly, I don’t think I will. It’s always hard to be away from my family and especially when they’re younger and going through milestones. I’m happy I was able to see Olly walk for the first time, but I missed Posy’s fifth birthday. So when I’m with them, I cherish every moment.

Y/NH: And he’s the best dad, he’s always present and supportive of whatever they want to do. He and Lily love to sing together, he helps Posy with her karate and yes, he does wake up whenever Oliver is crying. We’re a great team and I couldn’t have asked for a better husband. The way he welcomed Lily into his life too…I’m sorry, I’m going to start crying. I’m a bit emotional.

CT: I understand you both wanted to talk about another hardship you faced as a couple and as a family.

Y/NH: Yeah, I had a miscarriage last summer and it really caused a wedge between me and Luke. I wasn’t handling it well, I wasn’t opening up with him because I was trying to process what happened. I kept thinking it was my fault, but I couldn’t dwell on that because I have three children to care for. I didn’t want to lose it in front of them so I kept it all bottled inside.

LH: I tried to uncork her bottle but it was hard. We were both thinking and assuming the wrong thing of what the other wanted and we started to see a marriage counselor. We went through some sessions, we did a technique she suggested and it got us through. From the outside we held it together, but on the inside, our family has gone through so much in the last several years. From y/n’s pregnancy being difficult to Oliver being in the NICU for weeks, normal sickness that come with children, touring and being split apart, and the miscarriage…

Y/NH: We’ve had so many hardships, but within those hardships there’s been happiness and a ton of help from our friends who are more like family. Luke’s parents were so amazing and flew out to help when needed. We have so much love surrounding us, it’s incredible.

CT: It sounds like you two have created a wonderful life. Anything to look forward to in the next year?

LH: We’re just taking it one day at a time. Our anniversary is coming up soon. Might plan a trip with the guys over the summer and we’ve got a double ‘first’ birthday for the twins.

CT: That’s right! Michael and Crystal are still the new parents, how’s that going?

LH: Great, Michael still calls and asks me for advice.

Y/NH: Luke is a pro at the blanket wraps, he can do it in thirty seconds flat.

Just as our interview was coming to an end, Lily, Posy and Oliver ran out with Petunia hot on their heels. Posy leapt into Luke’s lap reaching for a muffin and Lily made sure Oliver walked carefully to y/n. The Hemmnigs’ may have gone through some tough trials, but the love they exude is evident.

***

“Are you sure you can’t tell I’m pregnant?” you ask staring at the pictures in the magazine article.

“I’m sure,” Luke kisses your shoulder as he pours himself a cup of coffee. “The kids are covering you and in our pictures, your dress is billowy enough it covers it. Look how beautiful you are.”

“Stop,” you blush then start giggling when he places soft kisses on your neck. “When is the video supposed to show?”

“I think it’s live now. Claire said as soon as the magazines were out, the website would release the video on social media.”

You check on the kids who are playing outside with Petunia, you know Lily will make sure Posy and Oliver are safe, and sit down at the table. Luke pulls out his phone and opens up Instagram to find the video that he was already tagged in.

Along with the interview and small photoshoot, the magazine did a video of your whole family. Luke opens it and presses play.

It starts off with a close-up view of your walkway full of flowers, then Petunia’s nose poking at the camera. Posy appears next waving at the camera, and Oliver is seen crawling behind her. Luke gives a small tour of the house and his music room where Lily is practicing her ballet. She becomes bashful and hugs herself to Luke. The cheek kiss he gave you outside during the interview was shown, and a bunch of other kisses during the photoshoot.

After the family group photos, Ashton came by to keep the kids occupied while you and Luke had photos taken. Ashton was seen a few times in the background with the kids. There were photos of you seated on Luke’s lap, his arm wrapped around you. This was the first time you’ve ever done something publicly with him and he could tell you were nervous.

“Just pretend it’s Andy and Sarah, lovie,” he told you stroking circles on your back with his thumb.

The photos were lovely and you were thankful you were given hard copies of them all. Your favorites were of you and the kids on the couch, the kids playing together in the grass and the one of you and Luke smiling and kissing each other.

“What do you think?” Luke asks when the video ends on a fade out of your whole family doing group photos. Oliver started to cry and Posy was getting restless.

“It’s perfect,” you smile then touch your belly, “I can’t wait for this little one to get here.”

Taglist: @calumance  @in-superbloom @calpalirwin @karajaynetoday @wiiildflowerrr @sunshineeeluke @littledrummeraussie @suchalonelysunflower @hoodhoran @thew0rldneedsmcreycghurt @sunshineeashton @ashtonsunflower​ @mymindwide​ @itjustkindahappenedreally @seanna313 @mulletcal @pandaxnienke @celestialams @in-a-world-of-fandoms @blairscott @writersdare

[angelasscribbles]

Bad Parenting Chapter 2: Chaos for Breakfast

Series: Bad Parenting

Fandom: The Royal Romance/The Royal Heir

Pairings for series: (Riley x Liam x Max) + Riley x Drake

Featuring: Leo, Oliva, M!OC Hudson Rys and F!OC Lilith Nevrakis

Rating: PG

Warnings for this chapter: mild language

Word Count: 2,867

A/N: This chapter indulges my HC of Max as the domestic one of the group!

My other stuff: Master List.

Original series this spun off from: Bad Romance. More specifically Bad Romance Disney Adventure.

After the events in Disney Adventure, Leo finds himself in possession of his thirteen-year-old son Hudson for the summer. Unfortunately for him, Hudson isn’t that impressed with Leo’s newfound desire to be a father.

Being back in Cordonia stirs up old feelings for Leo and ignites new ones for Hudson. Leos strives to reignite an old flame, but Olivia is busy with her own parenting struggles as her aunt’s imprisonment made her the legal guardian to Lucretia’s daughter Lilith, who has plenty of Nevrakis attitude of her own.

Lilith Nevrakis is borrowed, and retrofitted as Olivia’s cousin rather than sibling, with loving permission from @harleybeaumont. She is also much younger here.

Leo woke to the smell of coffee and bacon and the sounds of dishes clattering, children laughing and people talking. He climbed out of bed, hurried through teeth brushing and the relieving of his bladder then wandered down the hallway and into the great room where the open floor plan meant that the living room, dining room and kitchen basically faded into each other.

Max was standing in the kitchen, pulling homemade muffins out of the oven. “Good morning, Leo! Want a muffin? I made blueberry, cranberry, chocolate chip and banana nut. You can have one of each if you want!”

The muffin tin in Max’s oven mitted hand clattered to one of the stone countertops as he lowered it onto a cooling rack.

The kitchen had exploded with activity. It was alive with noise and activity.

Liam walked calmly out of the master bedroom and into the chaos completely unphased. He was immaculate, as always, perfectly pressed suit, every hair in place, briefcase firmly in hand.

Max thrust a coffee mug into his hands, “Just the way you like it, babe. Your plate is ready, it’s on the table, next to Ellie.”

Liam gave Max a smile and quick peck on the lips as thanks before setting his briefcase down and taking his seat at the table with a smile. “Good morning, everyone!” He said brightly.

“Good morning, my love.” Riley was seated on the other side of Ellie, between her and Xander. She leaned around their daughter to kiss Liam good morning then gave both Ellie and Xander a flurry of kisses as she got up from the table, scooping the last of her food into her mouth as she walked to the sink to deposit her plate in it. She then hurried to both highchairs to kiss her little one’s goodbye before grabbing her glass off the table and walking back toward the sink.

She nodded at Leo from across the room, “Good morning!”

“Riley, I made you a lunch, don’t forget to take it!” Max thrust a paper bag in front of her face. “You can’t keep skipping meals!”

“I don’t skip meals!” She protested as she tipped her glass of orange juice up and drained it. She took the bag and sat it down on the counter as she rummaged around in her attaché case, “Do you have a copy of my itinerary for the day?”

Max produced a laminated, bullet pointed list with face to face meetings highlighted in blue, zoom meetings in green and time sensitive tasks in yellow.

“Thank you love bug!” Riley rewarded him with a kiss as she pulled the itinerary out of his hands.

“I wanted waffles!” Xander started to wail from his seat at the table.

“Right here!” Max slid a plateful of waffles in front of him, complete with a smattering of blueberries and a dollop of whipped cream on top.

“Waffles are gross! I want-“

A plateful of chocolate chip pancakes cut Ellie off mid-sentence. Her face lit up, “Thank you Poppa!”

“Drink your milk, Ellie!” Max said, then turned back to the adults as Drake stumbled into the room looking rushed because he’d woken up late, “Drake, you want breakfast?”

“No thanks.”

“I have bacon-“

“No time, Max, I have to go!” Drake said as he filled his travel mug with coffee.

Max immediately threw together a bacon, lettuce and cheddar sandwich with mayo as he asked, “Tomorrow’s your mom’s birthday, have you called her lately?”

“Max, stop trying to mother me!” Drake scolded, but he took the proffered sandwich as he kissed Riley goodbye. “Love you, babe.”

“Love you, cuddle bear.” She pulled away to shove papers into her attaché case.

Drake grabbed a muffin and balanced it on top of his sandwich.

“Don’t forget about your mom’s birthday!” Max called as Drake headed out the door.

“I’ll call her!” He promised as he stepped out into the palace hallway.

“Leo, grab a plate, there’s plenty of food!” Max said as he spooned yogurt into Jace’s opened mouth. 

“I’m not sure there’s room.” Leo protested.

“Here, take my seat!” Liam said as he rose, “I have to get going.”

Liam made the rounds, kissing children and Max and Riley before retrieving his briefcase.

“Max, can you call down to housekeeping today and tell them to use just a tad less starch in my casual business shirts? I felt like a fucking statue they were so stiff this last time! Oh, and could you order me some more socks? I swear, every pair I pulled out of the drawer today had holes in them!” Liam said as he leaned over to kiss him goodbye.

“Yes, and here, take some coffee with you!” Max shoved a thermos at him.

Riley was right behind Liam as he opened the door when Max caught up with them, “Riley! You forgot your lunch!”

“Sorry, and thank you!” She told him.

“I’m going to call you at one o’clock to make sure you remembered to eat!” Max said.

“Okay, okay! Love you, bye!”

Hudson wandered into the kitchen rubbing his eyes, “What’s for breakfast?”

“What do you like kid?” Max asked as he cut up more French toast for Jax.

Jace was banging his sippy cup on his highchair tray as he babbled loudly. The corgis ran around the bottom of the hair chair, yipping and begging for more sausage to be dropped.

Xander was singing at the top of his lungs about four little speckled frogs, Jax was making car noises as he pushed apple slices around his highchair tray and Ellie was yelling at Xander to shut up.

“Uh…” Hudson’s eyes widened as he took in all the food. There were waffles, pancakes and French toast, bacon, sausage and ham, fried and scrambled eggs, toast and muffins, cereal boxes stood open next to the sink, milk, coffee, and carafes of both apple and orange juice littered the counter.

“If there’s nothing you like, I can make you something.” Max offered as he gave Jace more scrambled eggs, which the toddler immediately tossed to the floor and squealed in delight as the dogs went crazy racing around to get to them.

“No, that’s cool uncle Max, there’s plenty here, I can get it myself.” Hudson replied as he started loading food onto a plate.

Max started clearing away the dishes. He rinsed them in the sink then loaded them into the dishwasher.

“Ellie, if you’re done, wash your hands and put your plate in the sink. Your tutor will be here shortly.” Max said.

Ellie grumbled as she put her plate in the sink. She washed her hands.

“You too, Xan.”

Xander followed Ellie to the sink and placed his plate in it. Max supervised his hand washing and drying then he sat about cleaning up the little boys. He wiped hands and faces, removed highchair trays and placed them on the counter to be cleaned before removing bibs and pulling each boy out his respective highchair. Max then wiped down the highchair seats.

“Max, have you eaten anything?” Leo asked.

“Oh, I eat plenty while I’m cooking and getting it ready.”

“You know the palace has a kitchen, and a dining room, you could all eat in there, or have whatever you want sent up…”

“I know.” Max replied, “But it’s not the same. These muffins are made with love, Leo! Plus, most of that was sent up from the kitchen. I just plate it up and add the finishing touches, like Xander’s whipped cream and Ellie’s chocolate chip smiley face.”

“I just watched you make Drake a fucking breakfast sandwich!”

Max shrugged, “I just assembled it.”

“You had the bacon sent up just for Drake.” Leo sounded vaguely accusatory.

Max’s eyes flicked to him as he responded, “Yeah. So?”

“So what? You….like each other now?”

Max looked up at Leo in surprise, “We’ve always liked each other! He’s my best friend roomie!”

“I….” Leo’s eyes met Hudson’s and they both suppressed a smile. Hudson might be new to everyone, but a day had been long enough for him to recognize just how unlike Drake that statement sounded.

It did sound just like Max though. Leo widened his eyes at Hudson as he hid his smile behind a coffee cup. He was gratified by the conspiratorial grin he got in return. Maybe the kid was warming up to him after all.

Max whipped out his phone and tapped furiously away, “There! Socks are ordered, housekeeping has been advised about the starch issue and Martha has been told to remind Riley to eat lunch!”

“Who’s Martha?”

“Riley’s office manager.”

“Damn, Max! You’re on top of everything!”

“Thanks, Leo! My organizational skills are second to none. Why do you think Riley hired me as her personal assistant and top advisor in the first place?”

“Uh…” Leo’s eyes flitted over to Hudson then back to Max as he tried to water down his response, “To give you a valid reason to always be around without the press having a field day?”

Max gave him a wounded look, “Wow, really? I mean, yes, that was part of it, but I have always had superior organizational skills and Riley needs that, she’s total chaos most days.”

“Yeah, I get that.” Leo chuckled fondly, “But I never pegged you as the organized type.”

“Really?” Max huffed, “Did you think that those epic, days long Beaumont bashes just threw themselves?”

“Uh…”

“DJ’s just knew to show up? Caterers? All that fucking alcohol? People to assemble the champagne towers? Staff to clean up after the horses? The invitations put themselves in the mail? Customized placards on the doors?”

Leo was stunned, “I just assumed Bert did all that!”

“Ha!” Max barked out, “My brother? Mr. Stick in the mud himself? You thought Bertrand made sure the swords were sharpened for the champagne sabering? You thought Bertrand knows where the strobe lights are stored? You thought Bertrand-“

“Ok, ok!” Leo laughed, throwing his hands up in the air, “I get it!

“Personal assistant is still my job. I just work from home now so I can be here for the kids.”

Leo raised an eyebrow, “Don’t you guys have nannies for that?”

Max scoffed, “Nannies can’t replace a loving parent, Leo. We prefer to be hands on.”

“Yeah,” Hudson interrupted with his mouth full of bacon and waffles, “That sounds like something good parents do!”

“I…” Leo’s eyes cut sidewise to Hudson. There went what little progress he’d made. “I’m just saying, Max seems to be doing all the heavy lifting in that department!”

“Nah.” Max replied as he threw a piece of chocolate chip muffin in the air then caught it in his mouth, “Liam and Riley have a whole country to run, and Drake has the queen’s guard. My job provides the most flexibility. I can run Riley’s staff and juggle her schedule in my sleep at this point. Besides, I like being home with the kids!”

“Of course, you do!” Leo chortled, “You’re a big child yourself!”

“Oh, so real men don’t fuck with their kids, is that what you’re saying?” Hudson had dropped his fork onto his plate to glare across the table at Leo.

“What? No! I didn’t mean….I just meant….” Leo’s head swung around to take in Max, the kids running amuck, the food still strewn across the counters, “You know what? I can admit when I’m wrong. Max had to have been up before everyone else to get all this food ready and make sure everyone else’s day got off to a good start. It’s not a frivolous thing. It’s work. I’m sorry, Max.”

“It’s ok, Leo. You haven’t been around in a while. Things change. People change, they grow and mature and move into different stages of life.” Max said as he put the cereal away in the pantry and the milk and juice back into the fridge.

“I see that.” Leo admitted.

“Uncle, Max?”

“Yeah, Hudson?” Max answered.

“Can you show me around the palace today? I want to see everything!”

Max’s eyes went to Leo, “Uh…sure, but your dad would be even better at that. He grew up here, you know.”

Hudson’s shoulders slumped, “Fine. I’ll go get dressed.”

The two men watched him leave. Leo turned to Max and asked, “Maybe you could help me out with this parenting thing? You seem to have it down.”

“We’ll all help you, Leo. We’re family.”

“You really consider me family, Max?”

“Of course, I do! You’re Liam’s brother! Listen, I know you make fun of all of…this.” Max gestured around vaguely at everything. “But Liam is my husband in every way that matters. We’ve been together for over a decade now. We’re not just playing around and even though the official, legal marriage is between Riley and Liam, we all love each other, deeply! I’m not just a plaything to them, Leo. They both love me as much as I love them, and we are a family!”

“How the fuck does she do it?” Leo asked.

“Do what?” He didn’t have to ask who she was; Leo was talking about Riley.

“Bringing everyone together like that. Never in my life have I been able to maintain one real relationship! You and Liam juggle two each and Riley….” He trailed off, unsure exactly how many relationships Riley had in addition to Liam and Max. Drake, of course. But over the years he’d had his suspicions about Rashad.

“Well, she’s just fucking amazing, that’s how!” Max responded. He knew he and Liam would never have become a thing without her intervention. He was as grateful for that as he was for the woman herself. His life was perfect. Close to eleven years in and he was still just as stupidly in love with both of them as he had ever been. Not that it had been smooth sailing in the beginning. Anything but, actually.

“Speaking of relationships that didn’t work out…” Leo said.

Max blinked, “Were we?”

“What’s Liv up to these days?” Leo asked carefully.

Max laughed, “You’re not subtle dude. Liv is fine. You know Lucretia went to prison in Hidar?”

“What?”

“Something about being in a group that tried to overthrow the government. I don’t know. But anyway, turns out Lucretia had a teenage daughter named Lilith. Liv is her guardian now.”

“Wait, wait, wait, wait!” Leo exclaimed, “Miss I’m never having children because they’re evil little crotch goblins is raising a child?”

“Yep. For about a year now.” Max confirmed.

“I should call her!”

“Are you telling me you haven’t spoken to her in a year?”

“Well….see…last time I saw her, there was a…ah….disagreement and she…well, things were said, accusations were made, furniture was broken….I thought it was best to let her cool down for a while.”

“A while? It’s been a year! Jesus Leo! No wonder you can’t maintain a relationship!”

“Liv and I….we go all the way back, to like the age of six, ok? And things between us are…complicated.”

Max snorted, “I’ll say! Remember the time you crashed that party on the Prime Minster of Japan’s yacht because you thought Liv was there with his cousin and-“

“I don’t want to talk about that Max! It almost caused an international incident!”

“Yeah, I remember. Constantine was sooooo pissed!” Max chortled.

“It wasn’t funny! She lied to me about where she was that night, she wasn’t even on the damn yacht!”

“Yeah, well, you chose to date a crazy woman.”

Leo lifted a surprised eyebrow at that, “And you didn’t?”

“Ok, fair enough. No wonder those two are BFF’s.”

Xander and Jax ran through the room shrieking with laughter as Hudson chased them. Max laughed out loud, “Look at them bonding!”

Leo sighed heavily, “Now if I could only get him to bond with me.”

“Have you tried apologizing to the kid?”

“What?” Leo blinked at him.

“For not being around? He’s mad, Leo and he has a right to be.”

“I didn’t know how to be a dad, Max. My own dad was a piece of shit. I thought the kid would be better off without me.”

“You should tell him that.”

“Why? It doesn’t excuse a goddamn thing.”

“No. But it helps explain it a little. Hudson’s a good kid. Talk to him.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

There was a knock on the door. “Okay, that’s the tutor for Ellie and Xander. I usually give Jax and Jace a bath while the big kids are occupied. Do you want to have lunch later? I was thinking we could meet in the private family dining room and have lunch with Regina, so she can meet Hudson.”

“Sure, Max. That actually sounds good.”

“Oh, one more thing.” Max told him as he let the tutor in, “We’re having a dinner party tomorrow night and Liv will be there.”

Leo felt both dread and excitement shoot through him. If Leo Rys, the playboy prince, had ever truly loved a woman in his life, there was no doubt that woman had been Oliva Nevrakis. He just seemed incapable of making it stick, no matter how many times he’d tried.

But he was nothing if not persistent.

[maizumis]

Dad Haikyuu au! Can you write a post about the Miya twins, Iwa, Sakusa, and Oikawa picking up their kindergarten daughter and see her holding hands with a boy?

— HAIKYUU BOYS PICKING UP THEIR DAUGHTER AND SEEING HER HOLDING HANDS WITH A BOY

ft. timeskip!miya atsumu, miya osamu, iwaizumi hajime, sakusa kiyoomi, oikawa tooru

note: but this request is *chef's kiss* hope you like it! I'm a little sleepy so sorry for any mistake!

•ATSUMU parked the car in front of the kindergarten, excited to see his daughter with a whole afternoon planned on his mind, closing the door of the car he made his way towards the front door already thinking how his little girl would run to him with open arms so the sight of his daughter, hand in hand with another boy that had the audacity to kiss her cheek was not what he was expecting "ANGEL! DONT YA DARE!" he tried his best to avoid his situation "daddy! yer here!" big smile on her face while his daddy picked her up, the little boy long forgotten since his own mom picked him up "a missed ya angel, we need to have a talk at home" she gave him a confused look "a talk? ‘bout what daddy?" "ya gonna find out when we are there"

•OSAMU feets were carrying if to the gate of the kindergarten where is daughter was, happy to see her after a long day at the shop, he was thinking about making a cake, or blueberry muffins for you; the figure of her daughter was approaching him, but she wasn't alone, she was holding hands with a boy, giggling and running to the big gates in front of them, osamu thought he was mistaking her daughter for another girl but clearly he wasn't when she was right in front of him, with the little boy still holding her hand "hi dada! meet my future husband" he panicked, not wanting to come out as rude to the boy but also caring for his daughter "baby, ya can't have boyfriends until a say so" the little boy had now a pout in his mouth that was quickly removed at the sight of his family picking him up, saying goodbye to osamu and ‘his future wife’ with a kiss on her cheek "but dad! a want a boyfie!" he gently picked her up her bag on his left shoulder while he carried her with the other "not anytime soon baby, yer mine for now"

•IWAIZUMI arrived to the kindergarten five minutes before her daughter would get out, patting his foot to the ground, a wave of kids started to come out the gates, a smile coming to his face at the thought of his little girl ‘welcome hugs’ as she called it. the smile was quickly replaced with a annoyed look when his daughter was walking towards the door holding hands with a boy both of them blushy and shy. Hajime didn't thought twice when he walked towards them and picked up his daughter giving the little boy only a nod to acknowledge his presence "daddy! you interrupted me!" he kept moving his head from side to side while letting grunts and sights "to young to be holding hands with a boy missy, to young"

•SAKUSA was waiting on the corner, a place where the crowd didn't get him but he could also perfectly see if his daughter was about to go out, pink mask with butterflies in hand, the kids were now going to his respective families and there he saw it, those unmistakable black curls with purple clips, his child holding hands, with a boy to be specific. once the two kids were at the door, she told him goodbye with a toothy smile on her face before running to his dad, kiyoomi's heart was on hold, already afraid to loose his daughter to another ‘man’ "hi daddy! today was fun!" he brought his mask down to give her a forehead kiss before handing her own mask to his daughter "I'm glad it was good sweetie... you love papa, right?" covering her face with her mask she frantically nodded "yes! I love papa the most in this world!" proud of his girl, he was now the one holding her tiny hand "papa loves you more"

•OIKAWA was home after an away-game, and has he promised her daughter, he went to pick her up to have a daddy-daughter special day, with the gift he picked for her when he was away on his hand, he saw the crowd of kids running to their parents, happy that it was finally weekend, waiting for his turn to be greeted, the smile that was on his face turned to an 'O' shape, his daughter holding hands with a boy and they were about to hug! he couldn't let that happened, his feet were quicker than his mind and now he was in front of the boy, bending so their faces could be at the same level "little man, what do you think your doing with my daughter?" the child let go his daughter hands in the matter of seconds "n-nothing... there's my dad, bye sir!" now that the boy was out of sight his attention was all on his child "I missed you angel! look, papa brought you a gift!" tiny arms around his neck while kissing his cheek "I missed you dad! a lot! thank you so much for this, I love you!" returning the gesture, he picked her up and hugged her tightly "love you to sweetheart, love you too"

[goddessalthena]

Hijacked by a head-canon...

@mangakachan asks this question in the Moonlight Legends Discord tonight:

"Does anyone recall how Mamoru addressed Usagi's friends in the manga? Specifically, what does he call Makoto? Is it Mako-san? or Makoto-san?"

Being the helpful soul I am, I promptly reply:

"Greetings fellow orphan." When he's feeling casual.

I apologize, this is a poor attempt to cover my own inadequacies so far as it comes to canon knowledge. I have no real solid answer, only a vague notion that they all seemed pretty formal with each other. No doubt some much smarter fan can cite myriad examples to prove me right or wrong.

But seeing as how I don't let myself get bogged down with any actual FACTS from SM canon, that leaves a lot of room in my brain for useless junk. So later I was thinking about the question again and had a thought. Soon enough it was big enough I thought I might write it down.

Clover, thanks for the question. This obviously still isn't the answer you're looking for, because...well, reasons above, but I had fun exploring this anyway (and completely ignoring my other writing).

Didn't realize until later that this fits with Rare Pair Week. ❤️ Lil' platonic MakoxMamo

---

Please note: I wrote this quite late as a stream of consciousness, so the writing isn't polished. (Also a thousand apologies for perfect participle...it just kind of happened that way.)

Also note: this head-canon is 90s anime based, making Mamoru older than manga Mamoru (let's say 18ish when meeting the girls).

Makoto fingered the rose affixed to her right earlobe and released a weary sigh. It was the first moment of quiet she'd had all day.

Up at dawn to bake a special batch of celebratory blueberry muffins, she'd been taking the last pan out of the oven when everyone arrived. With nerves and excitement running high, no one had actually been hungry…well, except for Usagi. While she munched her way through the mountain of muffins, Ami had forced Rei to listen to the final version of her valedictorian speech (this was probably her hundredth or so ‘final version’). Makoto set to tackling Minako's hair, and she'd gotten nearly three quarters of the way through curling it before Minako had decided she'd rather wear it straight after all. Makeup had been an ordeal, but they’d gotten through it, and as school uniforms were mandatory, wardrobe hadn’t been an issue.

Usagi had cried (ruining her mascara), then grumbled, then cried again (ruining her second application of mascara) when Rei announced she was leaving for her own ceremony. She was only permitted to go after making numerous assurances that Yuuichiro would videotape everything. Soon after, it was time for the rest of them to leave, and they’d shuffled out of the apartment together (after Usagi had secured a few more muffins for the road).

The ceremony itself had gone by in a blur. Only a few key moments stuck out. Minako planting a kiss on the principal’s cheek after he handed her her diploma. Usagi tripping as she walked up on stage…and then tripping again as she walked back down. Of course, Ami’s amazing Valedictorian speech (the FINAL final version).

Oh, and when Makoto had gone up to get her own diploma.

She hadn’t tripped, hadn’t kissed anyone, hadn’t made any speeches, but she had felt rather proud at that moment. It had taken a lot to get there, more than most anyone knew, and she’d congratulated herself on a job well done. Then she’d looked out into the crowd and smiled at all the familiar faces while forcing herself not to think about the two faces she didn’t see.

Afterwards they’d all hugged and laughed and gushed and cried. They had plans to go to a karaoke bar later, but the parents swarmed in before, eager to take their graduates to lunch. Ami was the first to go; her mother had a shift at the hospital in an hour. Minako went next, rolling her eyes at her mother’s scandalised rebuke. Then it was just Makoto and Usagi left, and as the Tsukinos showered praise upon their daughter and promised a hearty meal of all her favourite foods, Makoto had seen the hesitation in her friend’s eyes.

“Come with us,” Usagi had said.

Makoto had smiled and racked her brain for a way to politely decline. She loved Usagi, loved what she was trying to do, but Makoto couldn’t bear the thought of sitting through an entire meal with her wonderful friend who had two wonderful parents. Not today.

“Actually Usako, I thought I would take Makoto-san out for lunch.”

Mamoru. Until then, Makoto had forgotten all about him. She hadn’t meant to…he was just so quiet sometimes that he tended to fade into the background. Thus, his unexpected offer came as quite a surprise.

She’d blinked and looked at him, and for the first time in their long acquaintance, they had shared a true moment of understanding. She’d found herself nodding, and then he and Usagi had shared a look too intimate for Makoto to intrude upon.

Once Usagi had left with her parents, Makoto had turned to Mamoru. “Thank you Mamoru-san,” she’d said, meaning it. “You don’t actually have to take me to lunch though.”

“I’d like to,” he’d replied, his voice soft and sincere.

And so they’d wound up having lunch together in a small cafe just off campus from his university. It had good coffee and tea, he’d explained, and it was quiet. It might have been awkward, had it not been for Mamoru’s efforts to make small talk. He’d talked about nothing at first; the weather, school, books he’d read…nothing personal or anything that required more than a monosyllabic response. Being that Mamoru was not a big ‘talker’, Makoto knew he had been doing it for her benefit. She’d been content to listen to him, sipping her tea and letting her thoughts drift throughout the quiet moments.

When the food had come, they’d eaten in companionable silence, relaxed enough now that chit chat wasn’t necessary. When the waitress had returned to retrieve their plates and asked if they wanted dessert, there had been no awkward glancing at watches or stilted excuses about places to be. Slices of triple chocolate cake and cherry pie were delivered promptly along with refills of coffee and tea. It was only as Makoto took her first bite of the tart pastry that Mamoru told her about his own graduation day. As he’d recounted his tale of a quiet morning, a faceless crowd, and celebratory cake for one, something had shifted between them.

Until that day, he had been Usagi’s Mamoru-san. The quiet, composed, reserved college student that hovered on the edge of their boisterous group without ever really becoming part of it. Makoto realized this was perhaps her own personal bias. Though he had been their ally all these years, a part of her had never forgotten the cold soldier who had fought for the Dark Kingdom, or the (seemingly) heartless boy who had broken her dear friend’s heart. While Makoto was well versed in forgiveness, she rarely forgot.

But when they stood from the table, and Mamoru excused himself to pay the cheque, Makoto fingered one of her rose earrings and saw him through fresh eyes.

“Ready to go?” he asked, offering her one of the restaurant’s complimentary mints.

“Yup,” she said, taking it.

When they reached the car, Makoto paused with her hand on the door latch and looked at him across the roof.

“Thank you Mamoru-kun.”

“You’re welcome Mako-chan.”

[the-scarlet-witch-22]

The Coffee Shop (Agatha Harkness/Female Reader)

Summary: During your early morning coffee shop visit, you make a memorable first impression by bumping into a mysterious woman.

Word Count: 1.5K

A/N: Hello Agatha Harkness fans (I hope I found you). I took a rather long break from my tumblr account, but my love for WandaVision/Agatha Harkness and needing a good stress outlet from LSAT prep has led me here. This was originally featuring Agatha as a barista but it sort of changed into this. It’s set as a one shot but I might be expanding it to multi-chapter. Hope y’all enjoy :) please let me know what you think!!

“Stupid Percy breaking my stupidly expensive espresso machine,” you mumbled under your breath as you trudged through the snow filled streets of Manhattan on an early Saturday morning.

As delighted as you had been by your older brother’s surprise visit, you were less than pleased when you had discovered he somehow destroyed your brand new espresso machine. He appeared just as shocked as you were, but before he could get a full sentence in to apologize, you quickly left the apartment to search for some much needed coffee.

Since it was only just after seven am, your favorite coffee shop was basically vacant and you felt a sigh of relief when you entered the warm building. It had been a while since you had treated yourself to coffee. Now that you were in law school, you had been telling your parents you would be more responsible with your finances. Granted you hadn’t cut out any of your shopping excursions, or really anything else, but you were very proud to say you mostly cooked at home and stopped going for multiple coffee runs a day.

Shrugging those thoughts aside, you walked up to the counter and glanced at the menu, already knowing what you wanted to order for you and your idiotic brother. “Hi there, can I get one medium vanilla latte and one medium cold-brew with caramel and oat-milk?” You asked the barista who nodded.

“Of course. Will that be all?” The barista asked with a smile.

“Um, you know what, throw on two muffins,” You added, realizing you didn’t want to make breakfast. “One blueberry and one cranberry.”

“Alright. That will be $12.67,” The barista gave you the total as he put the order in.

You gave him a twenty dollar bill and told him to keep the change as you sat at a table in the corner and pulled out your phone. You frowned when you saw a missed call from Percy, and decided to play the voicemail he left.

“Hey sis, I’m really sorry about the espresso machine. I promise I’ll replace it. I got a call from mom and she needs some help with a couple projects at the office, so I have to get going. I’ll call you later and we can catch up then.”

“Guess I ordered his latte for nothing,” You said quietly before going up to the counter to tell the barista they could keep the latte. You were so lost in your thoughts that you weren’t watching where you were walking and bumped into a woman going the same direction.

“I’m so sorry,” You blurted out, immediately feeling embarrassed. “Are you alright?”

The woman huffed but didn’t bother turning around. “I’m fine. Thank you.”

“Well at least let me buy you a coffee or something to make up for bumping into you,” you offered, and hoped the woman would at least take a second to turn around to acknowledge you.

There was a pause, but the woman turned around and you felt your  cheeks heat up as she stared at you. The woman was a little older than you, maybe mid to late 30s. She had dark brown wildly curly hair and strikingly beautiful blue eyes that appeared to gaze into you soul. The woman had a frown on her face but she nodded. “Sure.”

“Great,” You said with a smile. You approached the counter and the same barista greeted you.

“We’re almost done with your order,” The barista informed you.

“Thank you,” you replied. “The person who was supposed to meet me cancelled so you can keep the vanilla latte,” you then motioned to the woman standing next to you, “and whatever she would like to order is on me.” You handed the barista another $20. “Keep the change.” You turned back to the older woman who still had a passive expression on her face. “I’m sorry again for bumping into you.”

You made your way back to the table and still felt embarrassed by what just occurred. The woman was beautiful. So so so beautiful. And you had majorly pissed her off. It was just your luck, really. Between your constant studying throughout undergrad and your gap year preparing for the LSAT you didn’t have time to consider a relationship. That and you were usually oblivious to any advances from women interested in you. So it made sense you would humiliate yourself in front of a beautiful stranger.

“Order for Y/N,” A different barista called out from the counter.

You went to grab the order and frowned when you saw they had still given you the latte. “Hey I don’t need-“ you started to say but was interrupted by the sound of laughter. You turned and saw the woman you bumped into standing before you with a curious expression on her face.

“I asked for the latte you ordered,” The woman explained. “I also let the barista keep the $20 sense you told them to keep the change.”

You arched an eyebrow but gave the woman the latte. “I see...well I hope you like it.” The woman continued to stare at you which made you feel very self conscious. “Um...?”

“Well aren’t you going to invite me to sit with you?” The woman asked, still showing no emotion.

“Oh,” You said in surprise but quickly nodded. “Of course.”

You took a seat at the window table and you could feel the older woman’s curious gaze fixated on you. You motioned to the two muffins on the table. “Would you like one? I ordered two thinking I would be sharing them...”

“Well aren’t you sweet,” The woman said with a smirk. “Blueberry is my favorite.”

You slid the muffin across the table and nodded at the woman. “You know, I usually like to know the name of the woman I’m sharing breakfast with.”

“Well maybe I’m not like the other women you’ve met, dear,” The woman offered with another smirk and a glint in her eyes. “So who stood you up? A boyfriend, or perhaps a girlfriend?”

“My brother,” You replied, remembering the tragic events that led to your now broken espresso machine. “He got a little tied up and cancelled after I ordered.” You shrugged and took a sip of your cold-brew. “I’m sorry again for bumping into you.”

“Don’t be,” The woman insisted. “Besides, I ended up with free coffee and a cute breakfast partner.”

For a second, it seemed like the older woman was flirting with you, but you brushed it off as your own attraction to the woman and tried to continue the conversation. “So do you live in Manhattan?”

The woman’s face was passive as she replied. “From time to time,” She explained. “I travel a lot for work.”

“What do you do?” You asked curiously, while trying to guess what the woman did for a living. She was torn between a powerful business woman and a member of the mafia.

“This and that,” The woman answered with a wave of her hand. “How about you, dear?”

“I’m a first year law student at Columbia.” You replied nonchalantly.

“Ah a future lawyer,” The woman said in a teasing tone. “You must be a very smart woman.”

“I study a lot,” You explained, feeling uncomfortable with the stranger’s praise, or with any praise. “Lots of hard work and late nights, that’s all.”

“Not comfortable with compliments, hun?” The woman teased again and ran her fingers through her wildly curly hair. “Interesting.”

You let out a slightly nervous laugh before changing the subject. “You’re very mysterious, you know that right?” The woman in question merely arched an eyebrow at you so you continued. “I mean don’t get me wrong, you’re really nice company, but you won’t tell me your name or really anything else about you.”

“Well maybe I haven’t decided if I want you to know me,” The woman offered and she smirked, but you noticed her eyes darkened ever so slightly.

“I see,” You replied, trying to keep any trace of annoyance out of your tone. “Well maybe I should try making it obvious that I;m interested in getting to know you.”

“You just met me,” The woman pointed out. “What if I’m a crazy evil witch in disguise?”

You grinned. “Well lucky for you, I like crazy. And I loved Bellatrix in Harry Potter, so the evil witch thing doesn’t scare me.”

The woman let out a loud cackle that made you smile. “You’re funny, dear.” She glanced at her watch before continuing. “As much as I hate to leave so soon, I’m running a little late.”

“For all of those very important evil witch tasks?” You joked, a smile gracing your lips.

“It’s like you can read my mind,” The woman smirked back. “It was lovely meeting you dear. Thanks for the coffee. Call me sometime.” She stood up and left, leaving you alone.

You watched her leave and mulled the woman’s words over before frowning. “How am I supposed to call her?” You mumbled, glancing down at the table. There was a $20 bill tucked under your muffin. Curiosity peaked, you grabbed the bill and smiled when you saw there was writing on it.

“Agatha Harkness 678-999-8213

-Put it towards my future legal fees”

[hitozy]

nefarious ‹ masterlist › cavalier

𝐑𝐮𝐛𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐬

Entry log >>

Novel butterfly is typing…

Have you ever had such an god awful month, that you actually don’t think it could get worse… but then it does and all your brain can process is to burn all of your most sacred memories in the firepit your parents have in their backyard while holding your boyfriends hand while ugly sobbing at the biggest loss of your life… when it shouldn’t even be you that’s crying?

That’s how this month is ending for me.

It all starts with misscommunication.

ᴅᴀʏ 01.

We start to talk a bit when we are together in the library - I find out that while he does want to spend the rest of his life playing volleyball (until he physically can’t), he wants to have a degree as a backup and remembering the way that Oikawa would destroy his knees, I fully support it. There’s also no doubt in my mind that he will get recruited the moment he graduates, if not before that, even if he says so.

How he starts to open up to me, slowly and then all at once, until I know things that many others wish they could.

I find out that he dislikes germs from people that he doesn’t know, meaning that by now he’s alright with me touching him or getting into his space without provoking a panic attack. I came to understand and sympathize with him after our first encounter, you never know where people have been.

I learn how he started playing volleyball and had yet to quit because it had no ends to meet or how it was his cousin that got him hooked onto it, how he sometimes misses his days in high school and how he doesn’t necessarily hate anyone, just questions their morality or lack of.

How he didn’t like ordering online unless he had been to the store beforehand because it might be suspicious, which made me question my expectations in life.

Or how much of a curious cat he actually is, always wondering, looking, searching for an answer.

He eventually asks what I like to drink and soon after he starts bringing different kinds of flavors of coffees and teas, it never fails to make my heart stutter or how he sometimes brings me a muffin or pastry on the days I had mentioned to be filled with classes without any breaks, like today.

I get there earlier than him and wipe down the whole table and chairs with disinfectant wipes that I have somehow carried everywhere and feel disgusting if I don’t use them. I know it has a lot to do with Colon guy explaining germs and his germaphobia, how gross it all sounded. Once done I sat down and pulled out all of my things to start with my homework until Kageyama could pick me up.

I can feel more than hear when he’s close to our table, I had begun to recognize or at least predict his presence around me that was at first intimidating is now much more calming, more present and real. He sits down in front of me, knowing I had cleaned beforehand, trusting me as he had begun to do it once he caught me cleaning a few weeks ago, handing me milk tea and a blueberry muffin while setting aside his coffee.

I groan after I take a sip of the drink, “You need to stop bringing me these things, my jeans are starting to get tight and I cannot go a size up.”

He rolls his eyes and scoffs as he takes out his things, “You haven’t eaten all day, you need to take care of yourself.”

I grunt in disagreement, not wanting to say anything as to advance in a petty conversation and continue to work on my homework. I can hear him sigh and from the corner of my eye, I can see him shake his head in exasperation; whether it's towards me or someone else is something I’ll have to figure out later, I need to read 25 pages first.

“You’re beautiful just the way you are, butterfly. You need not worry about that ever.”

This is not something that is new, the casual flirting started the day I blurted out loud how beautiful he is and continued. That doesn’t mean my heart stops beating faster or I stop blushing at his words, words spoken so tender and soft, holding so much affection that I need a few minutes to stop my eyes from watering.

I never reply to them, but whenever I look up to see his face, his eyes tell me that he knows I appreciate it, that I am aware of his sentiments and that’s enough.

He figures out my name before I do, it's during the third week in our shared class that he says it, that he calls for me to sit with him and I blush at the sound of my name coming out of his lips, with his deep voice. He doesn’t mention it, but from the way he's smirking (because he takes his face mask off whenever I’m around), I know that he’s aware of what I’m thinking.

He doesn’t tell me his( “I figured out yours by asking around and paying attention, now it's your turn, little butterfly.”), and I figure it out until we are partnered up for a project.

Sakusa Kiyoomi.

I laughed out loud when I found out, I had read his name a few times on VB magazines and heard from the VB club about him in between bitter words and harsh criticism, and even when he gives me a weird look after apologizing and saying it's not what he thinks, I can’t stop.

Looks like my type is solely VB ace’s.

ᴅᴀʏ 02.

Getting partnered with Kiyoomi, he refuses to let me call him Sakusa, is one of the best things that could have happened to me. He’s very different from all the men I have met, and yet a bit similar in some cases.

He’s quiet, but not in a way that’s exasperating. He just knows when he should intervene or give his opinion. That doesn’t mean he won’t sass me every now and then, but it doesn’t matter if he’s going to give me that lovely genuine smile that seems reserved only to me, for me.

We get together at Kageyama’s apartment, since it's close to University and I’m not shocked to find out that they know each other, I’m just relieved that they get along or partially get along… as long as they don’t fight it's okay with me.

The project is tedious, exhausting and overall a pain, but I’m not going to complain if I can look at Kiyoomi every now and then for breaks; or when he’s looking at me for his.

Neither one of us has mentioned out loud about this relationship we have. It's present, just there and I can feel it surround me whenever he’s around or mentioned, like a soft warm blanket in the middle of winter. I want to ask what this all is and I’m about to, until Iwaizumi calls.

It's during the call that I realize I haven’t told Kiyoomi about my relationship with Iwaizumi, about being married and now divorced, about being with another man in ways others would find hard to accept and while I try to stay professional, I’m worried about Iwaizumi. His tone is… off and I can’t help but feeling unsettled. I must show, because as soon as I hang up with him, Kiyoomi is pushing my hair out of my face and resting the back of his hand against my forehead.

“Feeling sick again? Have you gone to the doctor yet?”

I shake my head, his cool hand numbing the headache and nausea that was forming, “Not yet, but I did make an appointment for later this week. I bet it's nothing, just stress.”

He gives me a look that I know means that I’m about to get my head chewed out, so I quickly change the topic to food and work.

It seems to get him off of my case for a bit, and I’m grateful. I can’t deal with too many emotions in one day.

ᴅᴀʏ 04.

Kiyoomi asks me out on a date two days later and when I say yes, he kisses me.

His lips are soft against mine, so soft that you could confuse it for the touch of a feather, just barely grazing each other, as if testing the waters. When I incline my face to the side, following his lips, he shifts closer to me. When our lips meet again, the presence against mine is stronger yet nonetheless, soft. We let our lips naturally find their course against each other, slight smacking sounds filling the air along with our yearning.

He pulls me into his lap, the sound of crinkled paper and falling pencils background noise for us. I wrap my arms around his neck and he kisses me with more force, with much more passion than I had ever felt before.

My legs wrap around his waist as he settles me down in his lap, one of his hands rests on my thigh, caressing it circular motions, as the other one makes its way to my waist as my fingers run through his obsidian locks, and they are as soft as I’ve imagined since the first time I saw him. He lets his fingers dig into the dimples of my lower back to then feel his knuckles glide up my spine, rising goosebumps all over my skin, provoking a shudder of anticipation and a soft sigh escaping my lips, separating us for a moment. He smiles against my lips and when his hand finds purchase at the back of my neck, he pulls me back to him to continue the onslaught of our lips, much slower this time but never less passionate. I let one of my hands lower towards his chest and settle right on top of his heart.

He kisses me with so much care, so much love and his heartbeat resonates with it, I don’t realize that I’m crying until I can taste the salty tears in our sweet kiss and even though I’m overwhelmed with emotions, I don’t want him to stop, so when he starts separating himself from me, I grip his hair with both my hands and pull him back to me, turning the kiss into something more messy and raw.

He doesn’t protest, he doesn’t fight me or push me back, instead he leans back against the foot of the bed, pulling me along and settles me against his chest. His hand that was once settled on my thigh is now running slow circular motions from my hip to my knee, and the other one is cupping my cheek, running down to the side of my neck and warping his hand around my arm loosely, pulling it up to his chest, against his heartbeat where it a few moments ago.

It isn’t until our lips are more caressing each other than actually kissing that I separate. Instead he pulls me up and leans our forehead together, breathing each other's air, the position so intimate that I feel like crying all over again.

“I’m here, butterfly.” He presses his hand over mine, his heartbeat underneath our hands stronger than ever, a beautiful anchor to reality, “I’m not going away, not until you ask me to go.”

I sob at his words, at his touch and let him cradle me, he lets me bury my head in his neck.

“Never want you to go, Omi.”

He pulls me tightly against his body, “Then I’m never leaving, my love.”

We don’t get anything done that day, papers lay forgotten for the rest of the night as Kiyoomi carries us to the bed and cuddles me until I fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat matching mine.

ᴅᴀʏ 05.

The doctor's appointment doesn’t go well, or at least the outcome is terrifyingly unexpected. It's almost comical how a number has me shaking in fear, anxiously biting my nails bloody and I can barely listen to what the doctor is saying.

The only thing that crosses my mind is that I have to call someone, while the number repeats in my mind. 14. 14. 14. 14. 14.

14.

Everything turns black before the line rings.

I come back to my senses momentarily.

It takes a while before I realize that I am enveloped in warmth, have been for a while and I slowly start to come back to my senses. The noises of a busy hospital, the strong arms cradling me against a solid chest, the sound of a heartbeat resonating my own and the soft but sure murmurs of affection.

"It's going to be alright YN, just take your time, I'm right here for you."

14 weeks.

I want to ask him when or how he got here, how he found me but the words are stuck in my throat. I’m scared, I’m exhausted and I don’t know what I’m going to do. But his arms are around me and his heartbeat slows mine, I feel myself floating in the air slowly falling asleep against him. It’s been 14 weeks...

When I wake up I find myself in my bedroom back at the apartment. It's quiet except for the soft noises of someone walking around outside of my room and I wonder briefly how I got here until Kiyoomi walks into the room with a cup of tea in his hands and a surprised look on his face that makes me giggle.

He smiles at me, as he sits beside me and hands me the cup, “Here, the doctor said that ginger tea would help with the nausea.”

I take the cup and moan in appreciation as the warmth settles in my stomach, relieving a bit of the pain I was having these last few weeks. Halfway through the cup reality hits me and I find that I can’t take another sip without wanting to throw up. I place the cup on my bedside table and stare at the wall in front of me, avoiding Kiyoomi’s gaze.

I don’t know how to tell him and I’m so scared of his reaction to it, because it's all my fault and it's all messed up. How the hell am I going to fix this? What am I going to do?

“I know you’re pregnant.”

My thoughts freeze the moment he speaks, I don’t dare look at him.

“The doctor told me when you passed out from a panic attack, which by the way scared the shit out of me, he gave me a list of prenatal vitamins and stuff. I already ordered them online, should be here in a couple of days, if not sooner. You also have a follow up appointment next week for an ultrasound. I made sure that it was set up after practice to be able to get there at time, and I’ll make sure to tell coach to not set up any matches or practice matches once we make the appointments-”

“What?” I look at him, shocked eyes looking into calm and confused ones. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“About what? I tried to set up the appointment referencing your schedule and mine, so there shouldn’t be a problem?” He seemed genuinely confused at my reaction.

I really don’t understand why he’s so calm, “Omi… you do know that I’m pregnant, right?”

“I just said that, butterfly.”

“That means that this baby”, I point at my stomach, “Is not yours.”

He rolls his eyes at me and smirks, “I’m aware. Sex is involved to do that and last time I checked, thats not our case. Unless you can get pregnant from just kissing…”

“Omi! NO!”

He laughs and takes my hand, smiling as he watches our fingers intertwine, “I know what you want to say.”

We stay quiet for a while, him looking from our fingers to my abdomen every few seconds, and me watching him do this filled with so much confusion. I don’t know what is going on inside of his head and I won’t lie, I’m extremely worried. My mind can’t wrap around everything he said and mentioned, about fitting the ultrasound appointments in our schedules. OUR, not mine, ours.

“I know you used to be married, people in our class would pester you about it and I can guess that he’s the child's father.” He looks up to me to confirm, when I nod he continues, “I also know that he’s not in the picture anymore...”

I guess it's the moment of truth, I’m just thankful that he doesn’t see me as a cheater or less, “We’re divorced.”

He looks at me surprised, “Really?”

When I nod, he’s surprised face turns confused, “Really…”

“Why are you so surprised? You kind of knew we weren’t involved anymore.”

He looked me straight in the eye, completely serious as his fingers tightened against mine, “I thought he was dead, I couldn’t think of another reason why anyone would willingly leave you.”

A sad smile appeared on my face, “Some people would disagree.”

He pulled me towards him, changing our positions to him laying against the bed’s headboard, making me sit on his lap with a smile, “Some people are stupid, that includes your ex.”

“He’s not stupid. He just… he loved her more than me.” I whispered in a small voice and I saw a glimmer of understanding in his eye, as if my words were the last piece of the puzzle. He pulled me close and kissed my forehead, one of his hands caressing the slightly protruded bump.

“So… stupid AND a jackass.”

I burst out laughing, “Oh my god, Omi!”

He chuckles and ends up looking at the roof, as if finding it the most interesting thing in the world.

The air around us feels light, but the weigh on my chest, on my abdomen feels heavy as led. Unable to look at his face, I focus on a spot on the wall, trying to get my mind back in place.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do, Kiyoomi.”

He doesn’t say anything, but he graze of his knuckles on my spine tells me he’s listening and to continue. It takes a few minutes to finally voice out everything.

“I didn’t want to get pregnant, I didn’t want kids now, I-” I try to calm down my breathing, “I had everything planned you know? I would get married to him, keep my studies and graduate. Get a job at Asahi Shimbun and after getting settled into my job, start thinking about kids. But,” I stutter, feeling tears well up and trying so hard to push them back, unsuccessfully, “But now here I am, divorced before the first year anniversary, still in school and 14 week pregnant living with my best friend and getting your shirt covered in snot and tears and I-” I sob into his chest, “I don’t know if I can do this, Omi, I really really don’t know.”

He stays silent, maybe because he doesn’t know what to say or maybe because he knows that there is nothing he can say to make me feel better, but he shifts so that we are facing each other and pulls me tight against him, letting me borrow my face into his neck and let out everything.

When the afternoon sunset glows through my bedroom window, he finally speaks.

“I don’t know if you want him in your life for this, and I… I am not going to stop you. But ever since your doctor told me, I have been reading all of these articles and news and it's...”, he pulls me tight against him, the hesitance in his face makes my heart beat faster, “I think you should tell him that you’re pregnant. I know you- I know this is a lot, but maybe getting his input might help you make a decision?” His voice is uncertain and I can sympathize with it, this is unmarked territory for me too.

“I am.” I sigh more than say, feeling weak and unmotivated.

“Good.”

His body is still against mine, and I realize that he’s avoiding my gaze.

“...Are you okay, Kiyoomi?”

“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?”

“You haven’t looked at me for a while now.”

His eyes snap back into focus and gaze at me for a moment, a question hidden deep down that seems to be drowning everything he wants to voice, but afraid of the answer.

“Spit it out, Kiyoomi.”

He hesitates for a moment and detaches himself a bit from our entangled limbs, it makes me miss his body heat immediately. I want to pull him back.

“I don’t want to assume but,” he sighs sadly and his smile is reluctant, “you’ll get back together with him, won’t you?”

His words don’t make sense to me. I hear them, I process them and it still doesn’t make sense. I’m getting back together with Iwaizumi? Why would that happen? I stare at him, eyes wide from confusion. He continues to give me that smile and I want to pull it off of his face, I don’t like it. When his eyes focus back on me, I can see a momentary lapse of loss before he looks away and avoids my gaze. It hits me like a ton of bricks why I don’t like his expression. It’s the same one I had on mine when I had sudden reminders of how Iwaizumi wasn’t mine.

Kiyoomi thinks I don’t want him.

“Whatever he decides,” I caress his cheek, “it won’t change our relationship, Omi.” I bite my bottom lip, blushing, “If you still want one with me, that is. Since, I’m… you know.”

He chuckles and finally peers down to meet my eyes, searching. Whatever he finds must be good, his eyes turn soft and his whole demeanor relaxes. He pulls me close and kisses me, tasting the sweetness of the tea on his tongue. It doesn’t last very long and yet, it leaves me breathless.

“I’ve wanted you for a while, if I’m honest, and you being pregnant won’t change my mind.” He takes my face between his hands and slides them down to my neck, keeping me close, his thumbs resting on my jaw and the possessiveness of the act makes my heart beat faster, his eyes hungry and yearning. “I want you, all of you. We’ll figure it out little by little, okay? You are not alone in this, love.”

I feel my face heating up, fully aware of the blush that is extending from my cheeks to my neck. He pulls me in for another kiss and before our lips touch I whisper against them a secretive, “Okay.”

14 doesn’t seem like a scary number anymore.

Later that night I get a notification from the house seller plus a bank deposit confirmation, half of what the house is worth, just like Iwaizumi promised. I hadn’t thought about how I was going to use it until today. That money is for the baby, every last cent and I’m okay with it… even if I don’t know what to do with the baby yet.

Kiyoomi had left a few hours earlier for practice, and I can’t keep him with me, even if he says its fine. I made him miss a few classes and he hates it, I can’t make him miss practice. So with a kiss and a promise to call later, he walks down to the elevator, his gaze leaving mine only when its doors close up on us.

Once he’s gone, I get a huge craving of agedashi tofu and as I’m cooking it, I realize it's Iwaizumi’s favorite with a laugh. I eat the whole pot of it and as I wash it, I curse Iwaizumi from heaven to hell and back. I can’t be eating this all the time.

When I’m back in my room, I start to make a list of things I need to get done… asap.

I have to tell the school, and Kageyama, and Mom, and Dad.

But first…

I look at Iwaizumi’s contact number, realizing I never changed his ID name. It's nostalgic and I had used it for him since I had a cellphone.

But he isn’t my one, he never was and so I change it.

Calling Iwaizumi…

I rub my tiny bump as I wait, and wait, and wait, and then I’m sent to voicemail.

Confused, I try again.

It rings and then cuts off.

I huff, frustrated. One more time.

We're sorry but the number you have dialed has been disconnected or is no longer in service.

What the hell? I try again.

And again.

And again.

Nothing.

I stare at my cell phone screen, anxiety causing my stomach to turn uncomfortably.

“Sorry, bubba,” I rub my bump in comfort, “Just worried. Maybe he turned it off, I’ll try again tomorrow.”

ᴅᴀʏ 10.

I call him everyday, and he doesn’t answer.

I tell Kiyoomi as much after four days pass, he looks at all the calls, angrily. “Jackass.”

I hum in agreement, “I’m thinking about telling his parents, and have them tell him to call me?”

“Are you close to them?”

“We grew up together, him and I. He lived down the block from mine and we went to the same school together.”

He handed my cell phone back, “Are you going to call them?”

Sighing, I lean against his side, “I don’t have their number, I think I’ll just go to their house once I tell my parents this weekend. I was planning on seeing them last weekend by the way, but I thought it might be nice to get them one of those ultrasound pictures?”

“We’re going to need 5 copies of those.”

I pull back a little bit, and look up confused, “5 copies?”

He takes my hand, closing it into a fist. “One for you,” he pulls out a finger, “One for your parents” another finger, “One for the father’s parents” third finger, “One for me” fourth down and he pulls the fifth one straight, interlacing our hands and I shiver at the warmth coming from his against my cold one, “and one for my parents.”

My body freezes as I peer up to see him watching me, a ghost of a smile on his face, “For your parents?”

He nods, “For my parents.”

I don’t say anything else, not even when a deep red blush forms on my face at the thought of him telling his parents about me.

ᴅᴀʏ 11.

On the day of the ultrasound, Kageyama asks me at what time he should pick me up and looks confused when I answer that I have a doctor's appointment after school, so I would be seeing him at home.

He knows I went to the doctor last week, and asks if it's ‘that bad’ and not wanting to give myself away, I answer with a simple ‘depends on how you see it’.

It's the wrong answer to give, if the way Kiyoomi’s phone is blasting off. He cocks his eyebrow at me, “Is there something I need to know?”

I blush and shake my head, “He can wait until after the appointment.”

Kiyoomi only tells him that he’s accompanying me… and then turns off his phone for the rest of the day.

We met at the front gates an hour before the appointment, and made our way there. Kiyoomi hands me a face mask before we board the bus and stands in front of my seat, making sure to glare at everyone that comes close to us. I giggle every time Kiyoomi death glares at someone coming our way, making them run to another place. Or when he holds my hand, tightly in his and death glares at everyone walking opposite from us… to walk away from us quickly.

He relaxes slightly when we get to the clinic, and fortunately passed in quickly since they didn’t have any other patient waiting. The doctor is nice and comforting, explaining what this first visit would be about and explaining what everything means in her patient sheet. Apparently, I would start showing soon, if the five pound I gained in two weeks was anything to go by. Kiyoomi’s eyes sparkled at that, his excitement apparent even with his mask on and I feel giddy about it.

When it's time to do what we came for, I reach out to hold Kiyoomi’s hand, only to see that he is already doing it. The doctor gives me a secretive smile as she warns me about the cold jelly and his thumb rubs against my hand, soothing me when I tighten my hand in his at the feeling of the jelly.

It’s only seconds later that we hear a heartbeat. It's strong, letting its presence known and I can feel myself tearing up.

“Can you hear that, mom and dad? It's your baby.” She moves the wand around my abdomen, until she finds a satisfying spot and points on the screen a curved blob, “And here they are.”

I cry a bit, feeling extremely emotional at the sound and sight of this baby. I want to take back my moments of doubt and hesitance. I won’t give this baby up, it's my baby. I turn around to look at Kiyoomi, only to find him just as teary eyed as me. We laugh at each other but he comes closer as we watch the baby on the screen filled with wonder.

That night when I come back to the apartment and show Kageyama the ultrasound of my baby, explaining everything he stays silent and walks away. When he comes back, he has a photo frame in his hand.

We both watch the picture on the coffee table, cuddling and wondering about their future.

ᴅᴀʏ 12.

I’m not surprised that Kiyoomi wants to go with me to see my parents, since he kind of worked his schedule around it that weekend. I am surprised to see him outside of the apartment complex in a sleek, black car that he will drive to my parents place. It's a quiet drive and the highway is filled with drivers that should have gone to a class or two before getting on the road. It's stressful and I hear Kiyoomi cuss them out underneath his breath about safety procedures, but he holds my hand the whole way there.

When we get to the house...

I wish my parents were a bit more shocked to see me arriving with Kiyoomi.

Instead they usher him in and I have to stop my mom from asking him to stay forever. My father is cold with him at first, but he steadily works his way up and soon they are acting like old pals, both of my parents showing pictures of me through different stages of my life.

Kiyoomi smiles at all of them and doesn’t move away when they lean close, though he does stiffen up a couple of times. I have to snap at them to leave him alone, just to get attacked myself. He watches amused as I blush in embarrassment, but still fight back stubbornly.

When I pull out the ultrasound from my bag and place it in front of them, I see them glance at each other from the corner of their eye, look at me and then look back at each other. I feel Kiyoomi’s large hand grip my thigh and squeeze it, trying to comfort me during the minutes of silence that pass as my parents have a mental chat.

“...Are you okay with this?”

I nod looking straight at them, expressions serious.

“How long are you?”

“14 weeks.”

“Is it… is-”

“The baby is Haji- Iwaizumi.”

They stay silent, watching both me and Kiyoomi, calculating.

“Will you stay with her?” My father asks him, voice cold.

Kiyoomi squeezes my thigh again, and leans forward, sliding his hand up to my knee. He looks at my mom first, then at my dad. There is no hesitation in his eyes, nor in his facial expression. With a complete confidence that I wish I could have, he answers, “As long as she let’s me.”

My parents look at him a bit longer and once they have their fill of whatever they are looking for, their eyes focus on me. I can see their shoulders relax and their body language opens up immediately. My mother smiles at me, giddy and holds up the picture, “I’m gonna be a grandma!”

That night, I walk to the Iwaizumi’s. Kiyoomi offered to go with me, but we both knew it would be in poor taste so he decided he’ll wait outside of the house, looking at the street to keep an eye on me… and my parents accompany him there as well. I can feel their eyes on my way there and by the time I reach the front door, they look small but ever present.

I have to knock a couple of times before his mother answers the door and from the shocked look on her face, I know I’m the last person she was expecting. I had grown up on this block, in this house and mine my whole life - even when Iwaizumi was in California, I would visit them every weekend and make sure they were alright. They had always received me with open arms and it brought me so much joy to know that we could have such a relationship, never having to doubt or feel uncomfortable.

But now it is, both of us have been standing at the entrance of the house, just looking at each other and the air is… chilly. Her expression gives nothing away, when it always held a smile to me. She would offer me to come in and have something to eat, but now she’s looking at me as if I had done something wrong. I didn’t like how this was going.

I still try though. “Hello Mrs. Iwaizumi,” I bow and give her a smile, “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

“Yes, hello YN.”

I can feel my heart pounding against my chest, “How have you been?”

She stays silent and looks at me from the tip of my head to the floor I am standing on, “Is there something you need, YN?”

Well, huh. I dropped my smile, confused by her reaction to me… I know I divorced Iwaizumi but she’s acting as if I ruined his life…

“Ah! Well, okay. I uh- I came to see if you knew about Hajime? I’ve been trying to contact him but he won’t answer.”

“Is it about the sale of the house? Are you not satisfied with how much you received?” Her voice is haughty, and I wonder if that is the reason for her behavior.

“No? I’m okay with that, I would have been fine with nothing as well… I need to speak to him about something… private.” I wasn’t about to say, ‘You’re son and I had sex the night before I asked for a divorce, and the result of that came in the shape of a baby.’

“I’m sorry, YN. I am not comfortable with you speaking to him again.”

… Maybe I should have.

I laugh a bit strained, and tilt my head confused, “I- I know the divorce has been hard on everyone, but its really urgent and important-”

“Look, YN,” she steps outside of her house and meets my eyes head on, filled with fire, “Iwaizumi has told us what happened, everything and while we do know that he is at fault there is a small part of me that blames you. It is… wrong to blame you for it but you should have seen him, YN. He looked devastated and lost, he looked like he had just lost his entire life and I” she looks at me teary, “I can’t let him be like that again, YN.

She sighs, absentmindedly shaking her hand, “He left for California to get away from it all and he won’t be coming back anytime soon. I’m sorry if it's private and important, but I don’t think it can’t wait until he comes back. Until he has healed from this.”

I try again, “But-”

“No, YN.” She steps inside of her house, without looking back at me, “Let him be.”

She doesn’t see that when she closes the door, she also closes off the part she had in my heart.

When I walk back home, no one asks me how it went, they don't need to when the first thing I do is curl up in-between Kiyoomi and my mom, crying about a loss that wasn't mine.

rubatosis | \ ru-bê-to-sis \ | (n.): the unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat. I am here, I am here, I am here.

a/n! this chapter... is much longer than usual. i think its around 6K? but there is a lot of elements happening now and I didn't want it to be split up.

now that this chapter is finished, i can go and read fics that i've been sitting on from last week :) ♥

taglist ! ​ @daphnxy​​  @zukoslosthishonor​ @i-am-a-hoe-for-shinya @mrsdoradominguez-barnes @anejuuuuoy

[jogetschatty]

I Am An Ironman (IM Chattanooga Race Recap)

Well, y'all - Ironman Chattanooga surpassed my wildest hopes and dreams.

I'm honestly still in disbelief. Not just that I accomplished this dream, but about the day I had on Sunday. When I crossed the finish line, I couldn't stop saying "I had the perfect day." I never went to that dark place everyone talks about. There was never a moment I questioned my ability to finish.

Monday brought perhaps an even bigger surprise, but I'll save that as an incentive to make it through this very long post (Hint: it involves a big island).

Anyway, let's start from the beginning.

We arrived in Chattanooga late Thursday night with two bikes, a car full of gear and a whole lot of race nerves. Thankfully, we had a lot to do over the next couple days to distract us. After chatting with other athletes over breakfast in the hotel lobby (we stayed at the Hampton Inn downtown, just blocks from transition), we set out for a shakeout ride. We decided to drive the full bike course and ride a short stretch of it. It worked out perfectly that by parking at the Cedar Grove Community Center, riding down to see the sharp turn onto Hog Jowl first hand and heading back we got a 30 minute shakeout ride. I was nervous that the roads were pretty rough until you crossed into Georgia, but otherwise it was a beautiful course!

Next we headed to Ironman Village to check in. It really gets real when they put that bracelet on your list and assign you your race number (as an odd number loving gal, I had a good feeling when I was assigned 1155!). I also started to feel the pressure - I knew if I didn't finish the race, I'd never want to look at all the great swag! Next we headed to Cashew for a quick vegan lunch, drove the run course (oh man, those hills looked even harder than I'd imagined!) and rested up before the undie run.

The Undie Run is a longtime Ironman tradition, meant to shake out the muscles and ease the nerves - and I have to say, it worked! About 50 of us gathered in undies of all sorts - from lingerie to tighty whities, costumes and beyond - to be a bit silly and run through town with our tushies hanging out. We ran about four miles, and after a week of tapering - it felt great! By the time we were done, our support crew was in town! We enjoyed dinner at Proof Bar & Incubator and settled in for an early night. I slept remarkably well!

By morning, the race day forecast had shifted quite a bit. Instead of showers in the afternoon, it was calling for rain throughout the entire bike ride. I was already nervous about the 116 mile ride, and this really spiked my anxiety - I'm scared to bike in hard rain, and was worried about being cold. But we set about our day, starting with a practice swim at the Chickamauga Dam (one lap in a wetsuit, one in a swim skin since we weren't sure whether it would be wetsuit legal). From there, we packed up our gear bags and checked our bikes into transition (in the wrong spot! thankfully an amazing volunteer moved them and reached out to let us know). I found someone to put my hair into battle braids a la the great Lucy Charles, and made sure my nails matched my bike (#priorities)!

We took a bit of downtime before heading to the parents' Airbnb for a very early dinner (we landed on these BBQ tofu bowls!) and were in bed by 8pm. Again, I slept remarkably well until about 3am! At 4am I checked my phone - wetsuit legal! Our alarm went off at 4:30am, and I was remarkably calm (despite a forecast that now called for "gusty winds and small hail") as we set about our race morning routine. We ate breakfast (an English muffin with sunflower butter, jelly, half a banana and a mini blueberry muffin, plus a bottle with electrolytes). We got dressed, had a good poop (this is important!), packed our morning clothes bag, and were making our way to transition by 5:15. From there, things were a bit hectic as we had to circle a few times from bike to bike gear bag to run gear bag, but we'd left ourselves plenty of time and with nothing else to do, we were on the bus to swim start shortly after 6am. When I saw Kipchoge had broken the marathon world record in Berlin, I took it as a good omen - it was going to be a great day to race!

/\ Swim start!

We had almost TOO much time at swim start, and the nerves started to creep back in! We chatted with other athletes in the porta potty line, ate some gel blocks, drank water, brushed our teeth and finally it was time to line up. We checked in our morning clothes bags, said goodbye to our phones and self seeded in the 1:10-1:20 swim time (faster than I usually swim, but what I anticipated with the current). When Courtney said he was going to stay with me and get in the water, I let out a sigh of relief.

Finally it was 7:30. The anthem was sang, the cannon went off and we made our way toward the water. I told Courtney I loved him, to "be safe, race smart and have fun," gave him a kiss and said I'd see him at the finish line - and we jumped in the water.

From there, my nerves vanished. You couldn't wipe the smile off my face the rest of the day (seriously, people kept commenting on it!)

The 2.4 mile Swim: The water felt perfect. My stroke felt natural. I was calm and doing what I came here to do. I kept thinking to myself, "this swim is beautiful!" I felt like I was all over the river, but I had plenty of room and when I need to, took a few seconds to get out of the way of other swimmers and find my own path. I couldn't really tell how fast the current was moving, but soon I could see the bridges - and after swimming under the third, I could see the final buoy marking the swim out. I couldn't believe it when I looked down at my watch and say 56:10 minutes!

T1: Volunteers helped us up the stairs, and at swim exit I saw my brother in law Nate followed shortly by my father in law Mike! I put my hands up and waved, and ran on to where the strippers helped remove my wetsuit, got handed my bike bag and ran into the changing tent. It all felt like a blur! Since it felt pretty warm, I'd decided not to put on the throwaway long sleeve shirt I brought along, so I just dried my feet, put on my cycling shoes and helmet, applied chamois butter and sunscreen, shoved my wetsuit and goggles in the bag, took a puff of my inhaler, ate half my Maurten bar and grabbed my bike. 8:11 minutes.

The 116 mile Bike: This was hands down the part I was most nervous about. It was far and away the longest part of the day, the only section of the race I'd never done the full distance of before, and the part of the day that felt like SO much could go wrong (bike crashes, mechanicals, getting hit by a car). But I didn't take time to think about that - I just hopped on my bike and went. I was a little bit concerned when I looked down and saw my heart rate was at 141, but we were going up a slight incline and I knew I had a ton of adrenaline pumping from running out of the water and then running with my bike. I took deep breaths and calmed myself down.

I took the road out of town easy, to warm up and also because it's by far the roughest part of the course with potholes and train tracks and everything in between. There was an audible cheer around mile 5 when we crossed over from Tennessee to Georgia and the road quality immediately improved! It had started to rain, but it wasn't coming down very hard and I could see sunshine ahead. At that point I looked down and realized I was moving upwards of 20 mph, way faster than planned, but it felt effortless with the wind at our backs so I figured it would balance out once we hit the hills.

Before I knew it, I was at the start of the loop! I hit mile 16 and thought to myself "just a century left, you've done that before! The course was pretty crowded at this point, and it was hard to maintain 6 feet and also keep up speed. Since I had a full bottle of Maurten's 320 I was sipping on, and water in my aero bottle, I skipped the first aid station.

At some point around mile 20 it started to rain pretty hard. I said silently to myself, "you're okay, you've done this before, just keep biking, you're okay." And that's when I realized I actually really was okay. I biked cautiously and defensively and taking it easy on my descents. I saw quite a few cyclists crash into each other when one person slowed going up hill, so I kept my distance. I was soaking wet, but just above the line of uncomfortably cold. The rain subsided, and I actually found myself passing a lot of riders.

By aid station two, I'd finished my bottle. It was situated on the way up a hill, which made stopping annoying, but I decided it was still my safest bet. I pulled to the side and yelled for water, filled up my bottle with Untapped Mapleaid lemon tea, and had a little snack. While I was doing that, I saw two unsuccessful bottle hand offs and actually had to yell to warn a rider of a bottle, and stopped a teenage volunteer from running out RIGHT in front of a cyclist to get it, which definitely validated my decision to stop for a minute or two rather than get caught up in that chaos.

Soon I was taking the sharp turn onto Hog Jowl Rd. no problem, and heading to Chickamauga. Just as I'd started to get dry, it started raining on us again - but the road on the back side of the loop is a smooth, gorgeous descent. I realized, somewhat surprised, that I was actually enjoying the ride! I stopped again around mile 50, at special needs, and gobbled down an Uncrustable, took a gulp of the electrolyte drink I'd put on ice in case it was hot and poured the rest into my aero bottle. I realized I'd taken *no* salt pills, so I also popped one of those. On the way out I had a quick snafu where the lid to my aero bottle flew off and I had to turn around and get it, but I knew it would be worth it with 60+ miles left to go.

/\ Probably laughing because it was only after thinking a cyclist was peeing on my that I realized *everyone* had a stream of water shooting out from behind their bike.

On the steep, wet descent out of Chickamauga I saw the scariest thing I saw all day. Out of the corner of my eye, something bright in the ditch caught my eye, which I soon realized was a bike. It took my brain a second to register that there was someone lying next to it, unconscious. I briefly considered trying to turn back, but realized I'd very likely cause a bike pile-up with many cyclists coming around a corner and down a hill behind me, so I yelled to the first spectators I saw to please call medical right away - and realized they were already doing so. I realized I was shaking both at what I'd seen and whether I'd done the right thing, but I felt better when very soon after I saw the ambulance on the way.

I expected I'd be seeing my family soon, at the turnaround, and sure enough - there was my mom yelling and pumping her arms in the air! I gave them a big smile and thumbs up because I had a feeling they might be worried how I was holding up in the pouring rain and I wanted them to know I was actually doing okay. Then I was onto my second loop!

I will say, on the second loop there were hills I didn't remember - probably because they hadn't felt like hills the first time around! But despite being pruney from being wet for 5+ hours, I was still feeling good (though laughing at the thought I still had to do a marathon) and keeping in mind what a fellow triathlete told me a few weeks ago - if you feel any emotions on the bike - tired, hungry, angry, sad - eat or drink something. I also have to say - from spectators to volunteers to other riders, I got SO many call outs for my unicorn helmet, and it really kept my morale high! On my second loop, folks recognized me and were even yelling, "the unicorn is back!"

It wasn't until around mile 100 that I really started wanting off the bike - and honestly, it wasn't because I was tired or uncomfortable (miraculously, my shoulder and neck gave me no trouble - despite a lot of pain in training), but because I'd come so far feeling so GOOD and really wanted to get off the bike without any issues - I'd seen SO many mechanicals along the way, and didn't want to be one of them! As I turned back onto the highway toward home, the sun had come out and I realized I had a dull headache so I made a point to get some electrolytes in my body right away (I actually gnawed on a package of watermelon Nuun, because I couldn't get it in my water bottle), and immediately the headache started to subside.

As I made the final trip into town, I realized I was approaching my family's Airbnb and soon saw them in the front yard - including my brother who had flown in to surprise me! What a boost to get me through that final stretch home (when you hit 112 that would be the end of a regular Ironman, it hits you!) Soon I was rolling back into transition. I couldn't believe it - I made it through the bike and it was only 3:30pm, and when I signed up this race, I was genuinely nervous about making the 6:10pm bike cut off. Total time, 6:37:56.

Nutrition: 2 Maurten bars, 1 Uncrustable, 1 bottle Maurten 320, 2 Maurten gels (1 caffeinated, 1 uncaffeinated), 1 chocolate cherry caffeinated Clif gel, 1 Untapped waffle, 1 pack Untapped Mapleaid lemon tea, part of a bottle of Body Armor electrolyte drink and a few gel blocks, 3 salt pills, 4 mostly preventative painkillers.

T2: It was with huge joy and relief when I handed my bike to the catcher, but I was surprised that I actually didn't have the "and I never want to see you again, bike!" feeling that I'd had on some long rides. From there, I a volunteer handed me my run bag and I headed into the changing tent. Another AMAZING volunteer proceeded to unpack my bag, get me sunscreen, and help me when I was dropping things all over the place. This is also where I saw the most BADASS thing of the day - a fellow athlete BREAST PUMPING between the bike and run. Women are fucking magical beasts. I said goodbye to my unicorn helmet, popped on my cap and bib belt, took another puff on the inhaler and took a quick stop in the porta john - despite the rain, I'd had a really hard time peeing on the bike! 7:20 minutes

The 26.2 Run: I set out on the run feeling strong. It was hot, but I felt good and still had my legs. I was feeling pretty confident at this point about my prospects of finishing, with more than 8 hours to complete the marathon. I headed up the hill to the highway, where the first 4 miles of the course is in pretty much direct sunlight. Everyone was telling me I looked strong, and I felt it too.

I stuck with my plan to walk the aid stations. My primary concern at this point was keeping my body temperature low and maintain a heartrate under 140. When I hit the first aid station, I put ice down the front and back of my kit and on my head, splashed cold water on my face and drank some Gatorade Endurance and water. This would be my routine at pretty much every aid station until the sun went down! I was surprised that the miles were kind of just ticking away, and even with my stops I was maintaining a 10 minute mile or below.

The turn onto the Riverwalk - the only portion of the course I'd not seen - brought some relief from the sun. I was a little bit farty from everything that had gone into my body, but I still felt good. I walked the steep hill up Battery Place and was excited to see my family soon. Sure enough, there they were as I turned onto Veterans Bridge! I gave them all huge hugs, and let them I was sticking with my plan to walk the hills and aid stations, so they wouldn't worry if my next splits were slower.

And with that, I was off to Big Bad Barton and the dreaded hills on the backside of the course! To be honest, at this point I was kind of excited that they'd give me an excuse to walk.

Now let me tell you - people DREAD Barton. It's .4 four miles long, and you have to run it four times (two each direction) - but it's actually sort of fun, because it's a giant party. There's an aid station about halfway up it on the way out, and since my heart rate was low and I felt good, I decided to run to that and walk the rest of the way. I did the same on the hill by the golf course, took a quick and not very productive porta potty break around mile 11, and headed back toward the pedestrian bridge. As you cross it, you can hear people being called into the finish line. Throughout the bike and run, every time I saw the mile marker for the second loop while on the first, I'd been thinking to myself "you'll be SO happy to see that next time!" - but never more than here. And I knew my moment was coming.

At the halfway point, I stopped at special needs for a quick bite of pickle and grabbed my socks and a waffle in hopes I could hand it off to a family member (guys, Feetures are expensive!) But when I dropped them less than a mile later, I sacrificed another $18 to the triathlon gods. I was headed back out to the lonely, exposed highway stretch - and I remembered what my mom told me that morning: even if you're lonely out there, remember I'm with you. And I thought about her proud face and arms in the air when I'd seen her last.

People were still telling me I looked strong, but around mile 15 I started to feel a little light headed. My heart rate was still nice and low, so I had a feeling it was the start of a salt bonk. I decided to play it cautious. I'd had a great day so far, and by that point, I had all the time in the world - something like 6 hours to finish a half marathon. I sure as hell wasn't going to risk passing out and being taken off the course. So I walked a little bit, doubled up on my salt pills (I'd only taken 5 all day, at that point), and because I knew my stomach couldn't handle pretzels or chips - I put them in my mouth, sucked on them and spit them out (gross, I know, but it works!) By the time I was turning back onto the Riverwalk the day was cooling off and the shade offered even more respite. I didn't feel 100% back to normal, but it was getting better not worse, so I continued mostly running with a few extra walk breaks, using mile markers and minute markers to motivate myself.

/\ Still all smiles on the second loop, around mile 19.

I was excited to see my brother again at the bottom of the Battery Place. hill! We walked up it together as I grabbed some nutrition, and he told me I looked happier than anyone else he saw on the course. I told him I felt good, and it was true. By that point, I had absolutely no doubt I had another 10k in me. I gave him a big hug, told him I'd see him at the finish line, and headed back toward Barton.

At the aid station on Barton I had my first taste of liquid gold! I squealed when someone handed me the infamous chicken broth - offered at Ironman after dusk. I took a couple sips to test it out on the stomach and dang, that hit the spot. I definitely walked more of the second loop, though I was making a concerted effort to break a 5 hour marathon. Honestly, could I have pushed harder on the run? Absolutely! But it was much more fun to save some energy to dance to the music on Barton (it's a straight up party after dark! Though alas, no one heeded my request to play Hungry Eyes!), get my booty whipped by the sexy costumed ladies in the Girl Zone, thank and joke around with the volunteers at the aid stations and give out high fives left and right. And I wouldn't trade that experience for a few minutes off my time.

Before I knew it, I was back on the bridge and I could hear Tony on the microphone. Rounding that corner was incredibly emotional, as everyone had changed their tune from "you can do it" to "you did it!" and I knew that I had. The tunnel is long in Chattanooga, and try as I might to take it in, it went by way too fast! I did get to see and wave to my family, and had the wherewithal to back pedal so I wouldn't cross the finish line with the jerk from a relay team who sprinted past me at the last second (seriously dude, I hope I'm in all your photos).

/\ Serious glare right there.

As I crossed the finish line, I heard the words I've been waiting to hear since I signed up in May (and really, for much, much longer than that): "Johanna Elsemore, you are an Ironman. 4:48:33

Finish Line: I came through the finish line, and there was Courtney, face glowing with pride as he put my medal around my neck (he signed up on the spot to volunteer to give out medals (smart man right there!) I told him I'd had an absolutely perfect day, and he told me I'd crushed it. It was only then that I thought to ask what my time was - and I was flabbergasted when he told me I'd handily beat 13 hours, coming in with a final time of 12:38:08.

Going into the race, I had said that if everything went perfectly, I'd come in between 13-13.5 hours. I expected at time closer to 14 hours. I completed an Ironman in far less than double the time for my 70.3 in May, which really shows how much training I put in over the summer.

/\ THE BEST support crew!

After getting our bikes and gear bags back to the hotel, changing clothes, seeing off the family and getting Courtney stable (he was in pretty rough shape) we headed back to the finish line. It was the finish line of Ironman Maryland last year that inspired me to sign up for this. There truly is no party like an Ironman finish line party. And in true Courtney and Jo fashion, we closed down the bar - staying to welcome every last finisher home.

Quick selfie with Tony, who I thanked for being the only one ever to pronounce my name right at a major life moment (wrong at my graduation, wrong at my wedding), and for calling me home for my first Ironman.

I have so much gratitude. For the support of friends and family throughout training and in the lead up and aftermath of this race. For my family who came all the way to Chattanooga to watch me achieve this dream - they literally always show up. For my health, and the fact that I could even get to the start line. And most of all for my amazing partner, who trained with me even when it wasn't his preferred pace or distance, and hands down believed in me at least three times as much as I did.

I also have so much pride. I'm proud of how well I know my body, to be able to pace myself and finish with a strong time for a first timer, but also finish with a smile and the energy to keep on dancing. I'm proud of the discipline and hard work it took to get here, but perhaps more so of how I managed to maintain balance in my life - to continue to show up for birthdays and weddings and dinners, travel, and never stop playing as hard as I worked.

Now, the even bigger surprise I mentioned.

I'M GOING TO FUCKING KONA! I'm still in disbelief.

I swore before the race, after the race, the morning after the race morning that I was one and done. But then we went to the awards breakfast and roll down… and my 25th place finish was enough to qualify me for one of the Women in Tri slots (Chattanooga was allotted 100 extra this year, with 16 going to my age group - and 6 people didn't show up to take it - so I got the last slot for my age group).

Moral of the story, in life and in Ironman, you gotta show up to get the prize. This wasn’t even close to being on my radar when I signed up. I just wanted to finish happy and healthy. So, while usually I’m a woman of my word… you don’t turn down Kona. For an athlete of my caliber, this is the opportunity of a lifetime.

[siriuslyloonylove]

One Rule, and One Rule Only by siriuslyloonylove

Sirius Black has one rule, and one rule only, about his feelings: “never, ever bother someone with your feelings if they’re busy”. And he’s always stuck to this rule, for example when James has a quidditch match the next day, he won’t wake the boy up if he has a nightmare, or if Peter’s eating, he doesn’t talk about how his parents starved him over the summer.

But the most important person he doesn’t want to bother is Remus, the boy whose problems seem worse than Sirius’, even though Remus repeatedly tells Sirius that it’s okay. The raven haired boy doesn’t want to bother him because what if he thinks badly of me for complaining about my stupid family while he never complains about turning into a werewolf every month?

Sirius knows he’s being illogical with that last bit, but when are feelings ever logical? He logically knows that Remus would do everything in his power to help him, even on the days before and after the full. He logically knows that being in a relationship means having someone to lean on when you can’t stand by yourself. He logically knows that Remus is the only one, besides James, who can help him when he’s feeling down about his family.

But he irrationally thinks that no one loves him, even after Remus spends an hour every night before bed kissing each and every one of Sirius’ scars, telling the boy a different thing he loves about him for every scar on his body, and has yet to repeat the same reason twice even after a year of doing it. He irrationally thinks that he’s only James’ friend because of coincidence, even after he took Sirius in as his own brother when he ran away from home and held him when he woke up in sweats from a particularly bad nightmare. He irrationally thinks that Peter is only his friend because James is, even after Peter smuggles freshly made blueberry muffins from the kitchens when Sirius is having a bad day.

He logically knows that he thinks irrationally, which leads to him bottling up his feelings until one day they explode and there’s nothing anyone can do to calm him down other than getting Remus, because everyone knows the only person he’ll listen to in this state is the boy with scarred skin and curly blond hair.

The explosion happens on a late fall evening of seventh year in the Gryfinndor common room after an eventful meeting with Headmaster Dumbledore.

“Headmaster, you wanted to see me?” Sirius announces himself to the room after walking up the spiral steps that lead to the Headmasters office. He can hear his great-great grandfather muttering curses about Sirius from where his portrait hung on the wall, but chose to ignore the hateful man.

“Oh yes, thank you Mr Black for meeting me on such short notice, please sit” Dumbledore said, gesturing towards the chair sitting across from his desk. Sirius nodded politely and sat down, looking around the room to take in his surroundings as this is the first time he’s been in here without knowing he was in trouble - I haven’t done any pranks this month, so am I in trouble?

As if reading the boy’s mind, Dumbledore laughs and says “Don’t worry, you’re not in trouble, I just wanted to have a chat with you about a pressing issue.”

Sirius sighed in relief, shoulders untensing for a short moment until he remembered what the man had said. “What issue? Has Regulus done something? I swear I don’t even talk to him anymore, well he doesn’t talk to me.” He said, nervously playing with the rings on his hands.

“No, no this isn’t about your brother, well it is but it is more about your family in general - I received some unsettling information this morning about the whereabouts of your parents and wanted to gauge your reaction.” The old man vaguely said, leaving the boy confused.

“Okay?” Sirius started, “Have they done something bad-well something worse than usual?” He corrected himself mid sentence.

The old man chuckled at his response, shaking his head in surprise, “I see you already have a gauge for their actions,” he smiled sadly, “But yes, they have done something that they don’t see is wrong.” Dumbledore said vaguely, again.

“Okay? So why am I here, I mean I’m in no contact with my family other than the occasional howler sent to me when Walburga is drunk.” Sirius says as a matter of a fact, not understanding why he has to be here when he could be spending his time with his friends, sadly not with Remus because he has an essay to write in the library with Lily.

“Yes, Mr Black I am well aware of those howlers - we really need to block those coming in, that’s on me - but I am also aware of the fact that you don’t speak with them.” Dumbledore agrees, making Sirius even more confused, “Can you tell me your feelings on that?”

This catches Sirius by surprise, no one has even dared to ask that question in fear that they might get hexed, and he can’t very well go on hexing the Headmaster, so he shakily answers, “Well Sir, it’s not really something that I know how to describe - I wasn’t surprised when they disinherited me, I saw it coming from the moment I got sorted into Gryffindor, but I was surprised when they disowned me, not the family itself but Reg, because that’s when I knew that he had picked a side and it wasn’t mine.”

Dumbledore nods solemnly, “Yes, and who’s side are you on?”, which was the wrong thing to say.

“Are you asking me this because I’m a Black? Are you asking me who’s side I’ll pick in the end because I have incestual blood running through my veins, or is it because dark magic was taught to me before I could speak? Maybe it’s because you think I’ll choose my brother over my real brothers - which you must know that family doesn’t mean blood, love does. And if you think that I’ll pick Voldemort's side, then you’re not who I thought you were, because I’d rather die than let my friends die.” Sirius says defensively, not caring that he’s mouthing off the Headmaster, who doesn’t even have the audacity to look surprised.

Before Dumbledore can even open his mouth, Phineas shouts, eerily calm, from his place on the wall “How dare you speak to your Headmaster that way you filthy little blood traitor, I cannot believe you come from the Noble House of Black-”

“-Silence” Dumbledore booms from where he’s sitting at his desk before Phineas could spit more curses at him. If he wasn’t so angry, Sirius would’ve poked his tongue out at him just to piss off his great-great grandfather even more.

“Now Sirius, I know you’re upset, and you have every right to be, but that doesn’t give you permission to talk to me like that because all I’ve done is help you.” Sirius fights the urge to roll his eyes because he knows damn well that Dumbledore only does things that will eventually benefit himself, he’s heard the exact words come from his parents. “However, I am glad to know that you feel this strongly about the war.” Dumbledore says, smiling.

“Of course I feel this strongly about the war, I’m right in the middle of it and I learned a long time ago that I can’t push myself to the sidelines because someone will get hurt.” Sirius shivers, remembering The Prank.

“Yes, and I should’ve thought of that before having you come here, well now that I know how you’re feeling, you are free to go.” Dumbledore says, making Sirius sigh in relief.

But just as he’s about to get up, he remembers what started this conversation, “What did my parents do?” he asks, looking Dumbledore strongly in the eye.

“Nothing for you to be concerned about.” Dumbledore lies through his teeth, and if Sirius would’ve been more clear headed, he would’ve pressed on but instead he nods and gets up, walking towards the staircase.

“Oh and Sirius,” Dumbledore says as Sirius is about to walk down, “I’d be more careful about who you choose to shout at, you never know if you choose the wrong person in the end” He finishes vaguely. Sirius furrows his brows but chooses not to question it, just nodding and walking down the stairs.

When Sirius gets back to the common room, he immediately goes and sits down on the comfiest chair available, not even noticing his friends trying to get his attention. The only thing on his mind is wishing that Remus was here, but Sirius knows that he won’t get to see his boyfriend until after Remus was done with his prefect rounds after the library.

“Padfoot”

“Pads”

“Paddie”

“Siri”

“S”

“Sirius”

“Black!”

“Sirius Orion Black-Potter!” James says, exasperatedly, finally catching Sirius’ attention with his name changing.

“Huh- did you just call me Sirius Orion Black-Potter-Lupin?! Me and Remus aren’t married, and why did you add Potter?” Sirius says, looking confused.

“Yes! You weren’t listening so I had to get your attention!” James says frantically, moving his hands around in exasperation. “And one, you are a Potter, two you and Moony will probably get married before me and Evans will.” James says seriously.

“I second that last one!” Marlene shouts from across the common room, stopping snogging Dorcas for a second before going back to it. Get it Marlene!

“See!” James shouts happily, excited that someone agreed with him for once, before realizing Sirius’ solemn expression. “Wait what happened? Did you just get back from Dumbledicks?” James asks, reaching up to fix his glasses on his nose.

“Yeah.” Sirius responds, “But it’s fine, I promise, we’re not in trouble” he adds shakily, quickly standing up from his seat, “I’m going to go upstairs and lay down, I’m kinda tired” Sirius ends, walking towards the stairs before anyone can say anything, especially since it’s a Friday.

He hears Peter asking James what’s wrong, but doesn’t stay long enough to hear the laters response. Sirius quickly enters the dorm room and closes the door before taking off his shoes and getting in Remus’ bed and under the covers, taking comfort in the smell of soft vanilla and chocolate.

The tears don’t come immediately, but Sirius also doesn’t realize when he starts crying so he doesn’t really know how long he’s been crying by the time he does realize it. All he knows is that he’s clutching Remus’ pillow in his arms and crying into it because I’m so overwhelmed.

Why would Dumbledore even ask me that? Doesn’t he know how much it hurts to hate someone you love? Doesn’t he know-

Sirius’ thoughts are interrupted by someone opening the dorm room door, making him settle deeper into the bed wishing that whoever it is thinks that he’s asleep. His wish goes unheard when the person sits on the bed next to him. He slowly opens his eyes to see James sitting next to him with a sad smile and Peter standing behind him with a warm muffin in his hands.

“Hey Pads, we brought you a muffin” Peter smiles sheepishly, blushing pink.

“Yeah, and we brought you a cup of your favorite tea, we had to bribe the elves with helping do the dishes for the next week.” James and Peter smile proudly, which makes Sirius start to cry even more. “Oh no, Pads don’t cry! We don’t mind it, it’s worth it to see you feel better! Well I hope you feel better…” James says, looking scared.

“No, I- thank you, I know, I just had a really hard meeting with Dumbledore and I just feel overwhelmed” Sirius hiccuped through his crying, quickly wiping away his tears. “I promise I’m fine, I just needed a moment, but siriusly thank you guys” He tries to smile at his joke, though it comes out more like a grimace.

James smiles at him softly, reaching out to gently pat Sirius’ arm and move the comforter higher up. If Sirius were clear headed, he would push James away because he’s such a mother hen, but right now it comforts him.

“Okay Pads, do you need anything else? I can take over Remus’ shift if you need him” James offers, which makes Sirius start shaking his head muttering ‘no’ over and over again, he sits up and starts quickly mumbling about how Remus is busy and he doesn’t want to bother him, James can barely make it out.

“Okay Sirius, okay, settle down, I won’t get Remus” James promises, wrapping his arms around Sirius gently trying to get him to lay back down, noticing that the tears are falling faster down his face. James looks at Peter with a look that says “go get Moony” who responds with a quick nod and sets the muffin on the bedside table before quietly leaving the room.

“Please, you can’t get him Prongs, he’s so stressed with his essay and his rounds, I don’t want to bother him, please” Sirius cries out, grabbing onto James’ wrists and looking him in the eye. “I can’t let him know how sad I am, please”, his voice breaking off.

“Okay, calm down love, I won’t get him” James says, heart breaking at the sight of his best friend crying. Sirius nods frantically, letting go of James’ wrists to latch onto the pillow again.

Remus can’t see me like this, he just can’t. Would he think that I’m weak? I mean he breaks and rebuilds his bones every month and he doesn’t complain about it, this isn’t nearly as bad as being a werewolf - family issues happen to everyone, they have to, right? What if he breaks up with me because I’m selfish and crying over something that isn’t that bad?

James can sense that Sirius is overthinking everything, so he lays down next to him and wraps his arms around the shaking boy. Fifteen minutes pass of Sirius crying in James’ arms, the later hiccups every once and a while but relatively stays silent, sobbing quietly.

The door finally opens and he gently lets go of Sirius and stands up to give Remus room to climb into the bed, James nods at him, smiling sadly. Remus just looks at him with sad eyes and gets into the bed, wrapping his arms around a panicking Sirius.

“James, you promised!” Sirius exclaims, starting to shake even more, trying to push Remus away out of fear of rejection.

“I did promise, but I said nothing about Wormtail!” James said sheepishly before running out of the room and shutting it behind him and a flushed Peter.

“Fucking dickhead” Remus hears Sirius mutter, making him chuckle sadly.

“Hi, mon étoile” Remus softly says, making Sirius blush even through the tears. Sirius lets go of the pillow and cuddles closer to Remus, laying his head on his boyfriend's chest, even though the irrational part of his brain is screaming at him for it.

“Hi, mon loup” Sirius says, blushing even more at their terms of endearment before crying a bit more.

“Wanna tell me what’s going on?” The curly haired boy gently says, running his fingers softly through Sirius’ hair, making him cuddle more into his chest.

“Not necessarily” Sirius whispers. He would never admit it, but having Remus there makes him feel a lot better even though his mind is racing with irrational uncertainties.

“Can I tell you what I think is going on, and you can tell me whether I’m right or wrong?” Remus says, pressing a soft kiss to the top of Sirius’ head.

Sirius takes a moment to think about it, what if he’s mad at me? Or what if he pities me? But what if he loves me anyways? Sirius’ curiosity takes the best of him and slowly nods his head.

“I think that Dumbledore said something upsetting, or inferred something, about your family and you’re overwhelmed and think that I will think badly of you for having feelings, which by the way is bullshit because your family sucks and I love you no matter what.” Remus says, surprising Sirius, because that’s exactly what he’s thinking.

“What the fuck Moony? Are you reading my diary or some shit?” Sirius says while smiling, wonder and tears filling his eyes while he looks up at Remus to see his face.

“Sirius, I know you, I’ve known you for seven years and have loved you for every single one” Remus says, making the boy in his arms blush, “I know you think no one truly loves you, but I’m here to prove you wrong, for almost the billionth time by the way, because I love you and you’re allowed to have feelings. I know you’re scared that I’ll think you're weak, but you’re not. You’re the strongest person I know, stronger than me, and not to compare trauma, but hateful parents is a lot worse than my furry little problem.”

“But Remus-”

“No, you can’t change my mind about this, you are so unbelievably strong and I’m so proud of you. I don’t know what happened in the meeting, but I do know that it hurt you a lot. Fucking Dumbledore, he better stay away from the shack this next full or the wolf’ll tear him to shreds and I wouldn’t even care.” Remus interrupted him.

“Moony!” Sirius exclaimed, laughing while still crying.

“I’m serious!”

“No, you’re Remus, I’m Sirius.” Sirius said proudly, the tears stopping in favor of being proud of his joke that got old years ago.

“Fuck I walked straight into that” Remus laughed.

“You’re gay.” Sirius said feigning seriousness.

“Sirius! Stop!” Remus said, now crying from laughing so hard. “I’m trying to be- well you know what I’m trying to be, but really, I love you and nothing can get in the way of that, not your family, Dumbledore, not even Azkaban.” Years later they both would look back at this, one hoping it’s true and the other hoping the other knows it’s true, but for now they laugh with tears in their eyes.

“I love you, mon étoile.” Remus says, reaching up to wipe the tears from Sirius’ face and resting them on his cheeks.

“I love you too, mon loup, so much, thank you” Sirius says, wiping Remus’ tears away and leaning up to press a soft kiss on his lips, the love overpowering the sad feelings.

⭐︎

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second post for the night! i'm not really sure i like this one, it didn't turn out how i wanted it to and didn't even come close to what my original prompt/idea so yeah that sucks but it's alright. plus i think it was very fast paced and weird but oh well, please tell me what you think though! some people seemed to like it on ao3 (i still don't know how to link it in this post) so i decided to post it on here too :) i think i'm going to rewrite this sometime because it's not my favorite and i think i can improve!!

edit: bahahaha i accidentally named this the wrong name, it's supposed to be "only rule, and one rule only" lmao not "explosive feelings", i mean it was the original title but it didn't really fit so yeah sorry lmao

[casspurrjoybell-20]

Blueberry Muffins - Chapter 1a

*Warning Adult Content*  

Awkward Encounter - Part 1 - Wren -

"Welcome, Alpha Kristen. We are honored to have you here," our Alpha said with a smile, walking next to the tall she-wolf.

Today we had a neighboring pack visiting. They were going to renew a treaty of alliance between our packs, especially since the current alphas would be stepping down soon. Along with them were Alpha Kristen's son and his soon-to-be Beta but the Beta wasn't around. I think I'd seen him at one point but he must've gone off somewhere else. Our Alpha's son and his future beta and gamma were with the group too. My eyes were immediately drawn to the Alpha's son. He was so handsome. Beautiful curly hair, tanned skin and bright brown eyes that always made me swoon a little. 

He felt my eyes on him and turned his head briefly. He smiled at me, sending a wink. Since I'd given up on my mate, I decided to date anyone that I could. Erin's mate had unfortunately died before he could meet them. He'd felt the bond sever one day out of the blue. We'd been friends for a few years beforehand and I'd always found him attractive. A couple of months later, we decided to start dating. He was amazing. It had already been a year and I couldn't be happier. He was a very passionate man and fun to be around. I waved to him, deciding to head off to work now. 

Since I couldn't become a warrior with my wolf form, I decided to open my own cafe. It did pretty well and I enjoyed the work, so at least I was happy with what I got. I knew my parents worried I was unhappy but I wasn't. Life dealt me a bad hand but I was making the best of it. They didn't have to worry but they did anyway. I wished I could reassure them. When I told them I was dating Erin, they'd been happy to know I wasn't lonely. They probably hoped Erin and I would mate. Since both of us were mate-less at the moment, we had already discussed mating anyway. It was rare to mate with someone other than your fated mate but we couldn't really do anything else. 

A few minutes of walking took me to my cafe. I unlocked the doors, heading into the back to start making the items I'd sell today. I was starting late today but I'd prepared some of the recipes already so I could finish quickly today. I hummed to myself as I worked, hearing the door open again.

"Morning, boss," a voice chirped.

"Farah, I'm back here," I called back, hunched over some dough.

The young girl walked into the kitchen, a smile on her face. 

"Need any help, boss man?" she asked me, heading over to grab an apron.

"No, I'm fine. Can you open up, though? And stock the display case, please. I have some finished items over there," I told her, pointing to a cooling shelf unit.

She quickly got to work, bouncing around. She was fresh out of high school but an extremely hard worker. She'd been a part-timer here before but she decided to come on full-time, thank goodness. I loved to have her around. I wasn't old or anything, barely twenty-three but she still made me feel more lively. Plus, she was one of my closest friends nowadays. She was an omega as well, so we kind of bonded over being the runts of the pack, so to speak.

An hour later we started to get customers, mostly regulars. Our pack made up most of the town we lived in. There were few humans, nor were there many visitors, so business was usually from people we knew well. I decided to man the counter after a little while, watching Farah go around and take orders. One of the part-timers also moved between the tables, while another full-time worker was in the back making sure food kept coming. It was a small business but it was home.