jogetschatty

[jogetschatty]

I Am An Ironman (IM Chattanooga Race Recap)

Well, y'all - Ironman Chattanooga surpassed my wildest hopes and dreams.

I'm honestly still in disbelief. Not just that I accomplished this dream, but about the day I had on Sunday. When I crossed the finish line, I couldn't stop saying "I had the perfect day." I never went to that dark place everyone talks about. There was never a moment I questioned my ability to finish.

Monday brought perhaps an even bigger surprise, but I'll save that as an incentive to make it through this very long post (Hint: it involves a big island).

Anyway, let's start from the beginning.

We arrived in Chattanooga late Thursday night with two bikes, a car full of gear and a whole lot of race nerves. Thankfully, we had a lot to do over the next couple days to distract us. After chatting with other athletes over breakfast in the hotel lobby (we stayed at the Hampton Inn downtown, just blocks from transition), we set out for a shakeout ride. We decided to drive the full bike course and ride a short stretch of it. It worked out perfectly that by parking at the Cedar Grove Community Center, riding down to see the sharp turn onto Hog Jowl first hand and heading back we got a 30 minute shakeout ride. I was nervous that the roads were pretty rough until you crossed into Georgia, but otherwise it was a beautiful course!

Next we headed to Ironman Village to check in. It really gets real when they put that bracelet on your list and assign you your race number (as an odd number loving gal, I had a good feeling when I was assigned 1155!). I also started to feel the pressure - I knew if I didn't finish the race, I'd never want to look at all the great swag! Next we headed to Cashew for a quick vegan lunch, drove the run course (oh man, those hills looked even harder than I'd imagined!) and rested up before the undie run.

The Undie Run is a longtime Ironman tradition, meant to shake out the muscles and ease the nerves - and I have to say, it worked! About 50 of us gathered in undies of all sorts - from lingerie to tighty whities, costumes and beyond - to be a bit silly and run through town with our tushies hanging out. We ran about four miles, and after a week of tapering - it felt great! By the time we were done, our support crew was in town! We enjoyed dinner at Proof Bar & Incubator and settled in for an early night. I slept remarkably well!

By morning, the race day forecast had shifted quite a bit. Instead of showers in the afternoon, it was calling for rain throughout the entire bike ride. I was already nervous about the 116 mile ride, and this really spiked my anxiety - I'm scared to bike in hard rain, and was worried about being cold. But we set about our day, starting with a practice swim at the Chickamauga Dam (one lap in a wetsuit, one in a swim skin since we weren't sure whether it would be wetsuit legal). From there, we packed up our gear bags and checked our bikes into transition (in the wrong spot! thankfully an amazing volunteer moved them and reached out to let us know). I found someone to put my hair into battle braids a la the great Lucy Charles, and made sure my nails matched my bike (#priorities)!

We took a bit of downtime before heading to the parents' Airbnb for a very early dinner (we landed on these BBQ tofu bowls!) and were in bed by 8pm. Again, I slept remarkably well until about 3am! At 4am I checked my phone - wetsuit legal! Our alarm went off at 4:30am, and I was remarkably calm (despite a forecast that now called for "gusty winds and small hail") as we set about our race morning routine. We ate breakfast (an English muffin with sunflower butter, jelly, half a banana and a mini blueberry muffin, plus a bottle with electrolytes). We got dressed, had a good poop (this is important!), packed our morning clothes bag, and were making our way to transition by 5:15. From there, things were a bit hectic as we had to circle a few times from bike to bike gear bag to run gear bag, but we'd left ourselves plenty of time and with nothing else to do, we were on the bus to swim start shortly after 6am. When I saw Kipchoge had broken the marathon world record in Berlin, I took it as a good omen - it was going to be a great day to race!

/\ Swim start!

We had almost TOO much time at swim start, and the nerves started to creep back in! We chatted with other athletes in the porta potty line, ate some gel blocks, drank water, brushed our teeth and finally it was time to line up. We checked in our morning clothes bags, said goodbye to our phones and self seeded in the 1:10-1:20 swim time (faster than I usually swim, but what I anticipated with the current). When Courtney said he was going to stay with me and get in the water, I let out a sigh of relief.

Finally it was 7:30. The anthem was sang, the cannon went off and we made our way toward the water. I told Courtney I loved him, to "be safe, race smart and have fun," gave him a kiss and said I'd see him at the finish line - and we jumped in the water.

From there, my nerves vanished. You couldn't wipe the smile off my face the rest of the day (seriously, people kept commenting on it!)

The 2.4 mile Swim: The water felt perfect. My stroke felt natural. I was calm and doing what I came here to do. I kept thinking to myself, "this swim is beautiful!" I felt like I was all over the river, but I had plenty of room and when I need to, took a few seconds to get out of the way of other swimmers and find my own path. I couldn't really tell how fast the current was moving, but soon I could see the bridges - and after swimming under the third, I could see the final buoy marking the swim out. I couldn't believe it when I looked down at my watch and say 56:10 minutes!

T1: Volunteers helped us up the stairs, and at swim exit I saw my brother in law Nate followed shortly by my father in law Mike! I put my hands up and waved, and ran on to where the strippers helped remove my wetsuit, got handed my bike bag and ran into the changing tent. It all felt like a blur! Since it felt pretty warm, I'd decided not to put on the throwaway long sleeve shirt I brought along, so I just dried my feet, put on my cycling shoes and helmet, applied chamois butter and sunscreen, shoved my wetsuit and goggles in the bag, took a puff of my inhaler, ate half my Maurten bar and grabbed my bike. 8:11 minutes.

The 116 mile Bike: This was hands down the part I was most nervous about. It was far and away the longest part of the day, the only section of the race I'd never done the full distance of before, and the part of the day that felt like SO much could go wrong (bike crashes, mechanicals, getting hit by a car). But I didn't take time to think about that - I just hopped on my bike and went. I was a little bit concerned when I looked down and saw my heart rate was at 141, but we were going up a slight incline and I knew I had a ton of adrenaline pumping from running out of the water and then running with my bike. I took deep breaths and calmed myself down.

I took the road out of town easy, to warm up and also because it's by far the roughest part of the course with potholes and train tracks and everything in between. There was an audible cheer around mile 5 when we crossed over from Tennessee to Georgia and the road quality immediately improved! It had started to rain, but it wasn't coming down very hard and I could see sunshine ahead. At that point I looked down and realized I was moving upwards of 20 mph, way faster than planned, but it felt effortless with the wind at our backs so I figured it would balance out once we hit the hills.

Before I knew it, I was at the start of the loop! I hit mile 16 and thought to myself "just a century left, you've done that before! The course was pretty crowded at this point, and it was hard to maintain 6 feet and also keep up speed. Since I had a full bottle of Maurten's 320 I was sipping on, and water in my aero bottle, I skipped the first aid station.

At some point around mile 20 it started to rain pretty hard. I said silently to myself, "you're okay, you've done this before, just keep biking, you're okay." And that's when I realized I actually really was okay. I biked cautiously and defensively and taking it easy on my descents. I saw quite a few cyclists crash into each other when one person slowed going up hill, so I kept my distance. I was soaking wet, but just above the line of uncomfortably cold. The rain subsided, and I actually found myself passing a lot of riders.

By aid station two, I'd finished my bottle. It was situated on the way up a hill, which made stopping annoying, but I decided it was still my safest bet. I pulled to the side and yelled for water, filled up my bottle with Untapped Mapleaid lemon tea, and had a little snack. While I was doing that, I saw two unsuccessful bottle hand offs and actually had to yell to warn a rider of a bottle, and stopped a teenage volunteer from running out RIGHT in front of a cyclist to get it, which definitely validated my decision to stop for a minute or two rather than get caught up in that chaos.

Soon I was taking the sharp turn onto Hog Jowl Rd. no problem, and heading to Chickamauga. Just as I'd started to get dry, it started raining on us again - but the road on the back side of the loop is a smooth, gorgeous descent. I realized, somewhat surprised, that I was actually enjoying the ride! I stopped again around mile 50, at special needs, and gobbled down an Uncrustable, took a gulp of the electrolyte drink I'd put on ice in case it was hot and poured the rest into my aero bottle. I realized I'd taken *no* salt pills, so I also popped one of those. On the way out I had a quick snafu where the lid to my aero bottle flew off and I had to turn around and get it, but I knew it would be worth it with 60+ miles left to go.

/\ Probably laughing because it was only after thinking a cyclist was peeing on my that I realized *everyone* had a stream of water shooting out from behind their bike.

On the steep, wet descent out of Chickamauga I saw the scariest thing I saw all day. Out of the corner of my eye, something bright in the ditch caught my eye, which I soon realized was a bike. It took my brain a second to register that there was someone lying next to it, unconscious. I briefly considered trying to turn back, but realized I'd very likely cause a bike pile-up with many cyclists coming around a corner and down a hill behind me, so I yelled to the first spectators I saw to please call medical right away - and realized they were already doing so. I realized I was shaking both at what I'd seen and whether I'd done the right thing, but I felt better when very soon after I saw the ambulance on the way.

I expected I'd be seeing my family soon, at the turnaround, and sure enough - there was my mom yelling and pumping her arms in the air! I gave them a big smile and thumbs up because I had a feeling they might be worried how I was holding up in the pouring rain and I wanted them to know I was actually doing okay. Then I was onto my second loop!

I will say, on the second loop there were hills I didn't remember - probably because they hadn't felt like hills the first time around! But despite being pruney from being wet for 5+ hours, I was still feeling good (though laughing at the thought I still had to do a marathon) and keeping in mind what a fellow triathlete told me a few weeks ago - if you feel any emotions on the bike - tired, hungry, angry, sad - eat or drink something. I also have to say - from spectators to volunteers to other riders, I got SO many call outs for my unicorn helmet, and it really kept my morale high! On my second loop, folks recognized me and were even yelling, "the unicorn is back!"

It wasn't until around mile 100 that I really started wanting off the bike - and honestly, it wasn't because I was tired or uncomfortable (miraculously, my shoulder and neck gave me no trouble - despite a lot of pain in training), but because I'd come so far feeling so GOOD and really wanted to get off the bike without any issues - I'd seen SO many mechanicals along the way, and didn't want to be one of them! As I turned back onto the highway toward home, the sun had come out and I realized I had a dull headache so I made a point to get some electrolytes in my body right away (I actually gnawed on a package of watermelon Nuun, because I couldn't get it in my water bottle), and immediately the headache started to subside.

As I made the final trip into town, I realized I was approaching my family's Airbnb and soon saw them in the front yard - including my brother who had flown in to surprise me! What a boost to get me through that final stretch home (when you hit 112 that would be the end of a regular Ironman, it hits you!) Soon I was rolling back into transition. I couldn't believe it - I made it through the bike and it was only 3:30pm, and when I signed up this race, I was genuinely nervous about making the 6:10pm bike cut off. Total time, 6:37:56.

Nutrition: 2 Maurten bars, 1 Uncrustable, 1 bottle Maurten 320, 2 Maurten gels (1 caffeinated, 1 uncaffeinated), 1 chocolate cherry caffeinated Clif gel, 1 Untapped waffle, 1 pack Untapped Mapleaid lemon tea, part of a bottle of Body Armor electrolyte drink and a few gel blocks, 3 salt pills, 4 mostly preventative painkillers.

T2: It was with huge joy and relief when I handed my bike to the catcher, but I was surprised that I actually didn't have the "and I never want to see you again, bike!" feeling that I'd had on some long rides. From there, I a volunteer handed me my run bag and I headed into the changing tent. Another AMAZING volunteer proceeded to unpack my bag, get me sunscreen, and help me when I was dropping things all over the place. This is also where I saw the most BADASS thing of the day - a fellow athlete BREAST PUMPING between the bike and run. Women are fucking magical beasts. I said goodbye to my unicorn helmet, popped on my cap and bib belt, took another puff on the inhaler and took a quick stop in the porta john - despite the rain, I'd had a really hard time peeing on the bike! 7:20 minutes

The 26.2 Run: I set out on the run feeling strong. It was hot, but I felt good and still had my legs. I was feeling pretty confident at this point about my prospects of finishing, with more than 8 hours to complete the marathon. I headed up the hill to the highway, where the first 4 miles of the course is in pretty much direct sunlight. Everyone was telling me I looked strong, and I felt it too.

I stuck with my plan to walk the aid stations. My primary concern at this point was keeping my body temperature low and maintain a heartrate under 140. When I hit the first aid station, I put ice down the front and back of my kit and on my head, splashed cold water on my face and drank some Gatorade Endurance and water. This would be my routine at pretty much every aid station until the sun went down! I was surprised that the miles were kind of just ticking away, and even with my stops I was maintaining a 10 minute mile or below.

The turn onto the Riverwalk - the only portion of the course I'd not seen - brought some relief from the sun. I was a little bit farty from everything that had gone into my body, but I still felt good. I walked the steep hill up Battery Place and was excited to see my family soon. Sure enough, there they were as I turned onto Veterans Bridge! I gave them all huge hugs, and let them I was sticking with my plan to walk the hills and aid stations, so they wouldn't worry if my next splits were slower.

And with that, I was off to Big Bad Barton and the dreaded hills on the backside of the course! To be honest, at this point I was kind of excited that they'd give me an excuse to walk.

Now let me tell you - people DREAD Barton. It's .4 four miles long, and you have to run it four times (two each direction) - but it's actually sort of fun, because it's a giant party. There's an aid station about halfway up it on the way out, and since my heart rate was low and I felt good, I decided to run to that and walk the rest of the way. I did the same on the hill by the golf course, took a quick and not very productive porta potty break around mile 11, and headed back toward the pedestrian bridge. As you cross it, you can hear people being called into the finish line. Throughout the bike and run, every time I saw the mile marker for the second loop while on the first, I'd been thinking to myself "you'll be SO happy to see that next time!" - but never more than here. And I knew my moment was coming.

At the halfway point, I stopped at special needs for a quick bite of pickle and grabbed my socks and a waffle in hopes I could hand it off to a family member (guys, Feetures are expensive!) But when I dropped them less than a mile later, I sacrificed another $18 to the triathlon gods. I was headed back out to the lonely, exposed highway stretch - and I remembered what my mom told me that morning: even if you're lonely out there, remember I'm with you. And I thought about her proud face and arms in the air when I'd seen her last.

People were still telling me I looked strong, but around mile 15 I started to feel a little light headed. My heart rate was still nice and low, so I had a feeling it was the start of a salt bonk. I decided to play it cautious. I'd had a great day so far, and by that point, I had all the time in the world - something like 6 hours to finish a half marathon. I sure as hell wasn't going to risk passing out and being taken off the course. So I walked a little bit, doubled up on my salt pills (I'd only taken 5 all day, at that point), and because I knew my stomach couldn't handle pretzels or chips - I put them in my mouth, sucked on them and spit them out (gross, I know, but it works!) By the time I was turning back onto the Riverwalk the day was cooling off and the shade offered even more respite. I didn't feel 100% back to normal, but it was getting better not worse, so I continued mostly running with a few extra walk breaks, using mile markers and minute markers to motivate myself.

/\ Still all smiles on the second loop, around mile 19.

I was excited to see my brother again at the bottom of the Battery Place. hill! We walked up it together as I grabbed some nutrition, and he told me I looked happier than anyone else he saw on the course. I told him I felt good, and it was true. By that point, I had absolutely no doubt I had another 10k in me. I gave him a big hug, told him I'd see him at the finish line, and headed back toward Barton.

At the aid station on Barton I had my first taste of liquid gold! I squealed when someone handed me the infamous chicken broth - offered at Ironman after dusk. I took a couple sips to test it out on the stomach and dang, that hit the spot. I definitely walked more of the second loop, though I was making a concerted effort to break a 5 hour marathon. Honestly, could I have pushed harder on the run? Absolutely! But it was much more fun to save some energy to dance to the music on Barton (it's a straight up party after dark! Though alas, no one heeded my request to play Hungry Eyes!), get my booty whipped by the sexy costumed ladies in the Girl Zone, thank and joke around with the volunteers at the aid stations and give out high fives left and right. And I wouldn't trade that experience for a few minutes off my time.

Before I knew it, I was back on the bridge and I could hear Tony on the microphone. Rounding that corner was incredibly emotional, as everyone had changed their tune from "you can do it" to "you did it!" and I knew that I had. The tunnel is long in Chattanooga, and try as I might to take it in, it went by way too fast! I did get to see and wave to my family, and had the wherewithal to back pedal so I wouldn't cross the finish line with the jerk from a relay team who sprinted past me at the last second (seriously dude, I hope I'm in all your photos).

/\ Serious glare right there.

As I crossed the finish line, I heard the words I've been waiting to hear since I signed up in May (and really, for much, much longer than that): "Johanna Elsemore, you are an Ironman. 4:48:33

Finish Line: I came through the finish line, and there was Courtney, face glowing with pride as he put my medal around my neck (he signed up on the spot to volunteer to give out medals (smart man right there!) I told him I'd had an absolutely perfect day, and he told me I'd crushed it. It was only then that I thought to ask what my time was - and I was flabbergasted when he told me I'd handily beat 13 hours, coming in with a final time of 12:38:08.

Going into the race, I had said that if everything went perfectly, I'd come in between 13-13.5 hours. I expected at time closer to 14 hours. I completed an Ironman in far less than double the time for my 70.3 in May, which really shows how much training I put in over the summer.

/\ THE BEST support crew!

After getting our bikes and gear bags back to the hotel, changing clothes, seeing off the family and getting Courtney stable (he was in pretty rough shape) we headed back to the finish line. It was the finish line of Ironman Maryland last year that inspired me to sign up for this. There truly is no party like an Ironman finish line party. And in true Courtney and Jo fashion, we closed down the bar - staying to welcome every last finisher home.

Quick selfie with Tony, who I thanked for being the only one ever to pronounce my name right at a major life moment (wrong at my graduation, wrong at my wedding), and for calling me home for my first Ironman.

I have so much gratitude. For the support of friends and family throughout training and in the lead up and aftermath of this race. For my family who came all the way to Chattanooga to watch me achieve this dream - they literally always show up. For my health, and the fact that I could even get to the start line. And most of all for my amazing partner, who trained with me even when it wasn't his preferred pace or distance, and hands down believed in me at least three times as much as I did.

I also have so much pride. I'm proud of how well I know my body, to be able to pace myself and finish with a strong time for a first timer, but also finish with a smile and the energy to keep on dancing. I'm proud of the discipline and hard work it took to get here, but perhaps more so of how I managed to maintain balance in my life - to continue to show up for birthdays and weddings and dinners, travel, and never stop playing as hard as I worked.

Now, the even bigger surprise I mentioned.

I'M GOING TO FUCKING KONA! I'm still in disbelief.

I swore before the race, after the race, the morning after the race morning that I was one and done. But then we went to the awards breakfast and roll down… and my 25th place finish was enough to qualify me for one of the Women in Tri slots (Chattanooga was allotted 100 extra this year, with 16 going to my age group - and 6 people didn't show up to take it - so I got the last slot for my age group).

Moral of the story, in life and in Ironman, you gotta show up to get the prize. This wasn’t even close to being on my radar when I signed up. I just wanted to finish happy and healthy. So, while usually I’m a woman of my word… you don’t turn down Kona. For an athlete of my caliber, this is the opportunity of a lifetime.

[jogetschatty]

IT'S RACE WEEK! Taper Niggles, Pre-race Jitters, Imposter Syndrome and More

Well looky there, it's been a full month since I've provided any update on my training progress. Yes, the race is still on. Honestly, I'd started to get pretty burnt out by training, and writing about training in addition to actually training wasn't helping.

But now that it's race week and we're *solidly* in the taper, I figure this is cheaper than therapy! We've been focused on bubble wrapping ourselves the last couple weeks to get ourselves to the start line without injury or illness (you know, other than Courtney getting hit by a car in the parking lot of the Red Hot Chili Peppers concert, two weeks out, and bruising his rib) - and honestly, it's giving me WAY too much time to think and feel! More about that later.

But first, what'd you miss?

BEAUTIFUL SwimBikeRun Practice in Northern New Hampshire! Including a very hilly century ride in the White Mountains, with a Mt. Washington fly by!, and several long swims in Silver Lake - where I first learned to swim!

Going off plan. For better or worse, I felt like the last month of training was where I saw myself go the most off plan. Some of that was accommodating for travel schedule. Some of that was adjusting for bad weather. And some of that was feeling like my plan wasn't going to prepare me adequately or build the confidence I needed. It never called for me to run more than 2:40, which for me is only about 17 miles - and it had me doing that for the last time five weeks before race day. It also called for a maximum bike time of 5 hours, which at my pace would have meant NO century rides (100 takes me at least 6). I actually understand the former - I think above a run certain thresh hold, your injury risk is higher than the likelihood you'll benefit. And most of us probably going to feel pretty rough by mile 15 of the marathon regardless of whether we max out at 16 or 20 during training. But for me - getting in some 100+ rides was critical. At the end of the day, I did a 95 and two 100s - and ran 17, 18, 19 and 20 mile runs. But to do that, I missed some of the other scheduled workouts.

Taper Niggles. Is it just me, or does the taper bring out every little ache or pain you've ever had? Is that just our bodies slowing down enough to notice all we've been putting them through? My hip has been tight again, my shoulder has been killing me on the bike, my knees have been achy. I listened to a podcast that said to not pay too much mind to the little niggles - so long as it's not a true injury, they tend to go away if you don't think too much about them. And honestly, I kind of get that. I think it's actually possible to cause an injury or worsen the pain if you focus so much that you compensate in some way and end up injuring something else.

Pre-race Anxiety: I knew I was in trouble when almost two weeks out, I had already started losing sleep. Am I injured? Am I going to get sick? Have I trained enough? Am I over-trained? Am I getting my bike tuned up too close to the race? I should have done more long BRICKS earlier! Do I have all the gear I need? Have I figured my nutrition out adequately?! Shit! I need to practice changing a tire! And seriously, someone needs to block all weather apps on my phone. Is it going to be too hot? Is it going to rain? This isn't even the full list. But you get the idea.

Control the controllables, Jo - Control the controllables.

Imposter Syndrome: This is a big one. The Facebook groups for the races are a great resource for first timer information, but they also can be dangerous - it's SO easy to start comparing yourself to other people. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one without a TT bike. The only one without a coach. The only one who doesn't have their nutrition plan down pat. WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE?! I'm not qualified to do this!

I've been trying to remind myself how damaging this self-talk in. There are going to be some dark moments on race day. And during those dark moments, the only thing that's going to get you through it is believing in yourself and your ability to make it to the other side.

So, now that it's race week - I'm trying to leave those things behind, to focus on what I *can* do (like work on my Medusa costume, rather than pack and prep everything for the race - oh wait, that's not helpful?)

Really though, I've put in so many hours. Some of them have been fun and beautiful, but I've also put myself through a lot of pain. I biked in the rain, run in the dark, swam in crowded pools and mucky ponds. I've sacrificed time with friends and put my body through a beating. And ultimately, I've earned my right to race on Sunday.

So we head to Chattanooga on Thursday morning with a mission. To get ourselves safely to the start line, and then trust the strength of our bodies and our minds to do what we've trained them to do. To live in the moment. To enjoy as much of the day as possible. To lift up other athletes. And hopefully, at some point late Sunday evening, to run down that carpet and hear those magic words.

[jogetschatty]

A Change of Scenery + Going Off Plan

Well, after a week-long COVID delay, we finally made it to New England! Though the ride there wasn't without incident. Our SeaSucker roof rack (emphasis on the SUCK) failed, and our biked nearly flew off the car going 70 miles per hour on 95. Nearly, meaning they were holding on by a SINGLE suction cup.

Fortunately, we made it to Cape Cod with our bikes in one piece.

Cape Cod. What a beautiful place to train. Besides the MUCH cooler weather (we had high 60s to mid-70s most days), there's kettle ponds to swim in, ocean sides to ride along, and it turns out - hills to train on!

The Run: We started out the week with our long run - 19 miles to be exact! Which we finished in just under 3 hours. Not speedy, but super solid for a fairly hilly course. I remember when marathon training, 20 miles was the highest I went, about 3 weeks before race day. So, I was quite surprised when I looked to see that the scheduled 2:40 run - nearly 6 weeks before race day! - is the longest run on my schedule. From here, it has me doing two bricks a week - a short brick (1 hr bike, 20 minute run) and a long one (4 hr bike, 1:45 minute run). I'm super uncomfortable with the idea of not running more than 13 miles the last 6 weeks, so I'll definitely be adding at least one or two more long runs in the schedule.

The Bike: Though I *really* wanted to get two bikes in during our time there, our rack mishap had other plans. We discovered, too late, that in the process of disassembling my bike to load it in the car we'd lost a tiny nut that was critical to keeping the seat post in place. Though we tried to Macgyver it, ultimately it wouldn't stay up - and it wasn't worth risking injuring my knees or back riding in the wrong position - so we missed a ride this week.

The Swim: Since we had access to a beautiful kettle pond rather than a pool, we replaced the speed swim with a second full Iron distance open water swim. I managed to do the full 4,300 in less than 90 minutes, which I'm really happy with!

The (super) BRICK: The other *BIG* milestone we hit this week - my first triple digit / double digit super brick! My training plan doesn't have me doing any long bricks until early September, but it felt really important to me to be working out the kinks now. Of course we picked the hottest day of our entire trip - but fortunately, that still only topped out at about 85 degrees. Our 100 mile ride (my first century in years!) took us on a gorgeous tour of almost the entire Cape, from a loop around Provincetown to the Cape Cod Rail Trail and everywhere in between. I did a much better job staying hydrated and practicing race day nutrition, and it showed! I was shocked to find that when we set out to run, I still had my legs! Even on the hills, everything felt pretty good. Courtney, however, was struggling to breath and keep his heart rate down, so we split ways at about 2.5 miles and he went home and I went on. I was careful to stay hydrated, keep my heart rate low, and keep my body cool (stopping at a store to buy water to dump on my head) - and for the most part it worked! I even managed an entirely up hill mile 8. However, come mile 9.65 running up the final hill I had a hard time breathing. It almost felt like an exercise induced asthma attack. I stopped and walked for a minute before finishing out the final 1/3 mile - but when I stopped it once again was really hard to breath. It was borderline scary really, because this isn't something I usually experience. Well, we discovered that in addition to picking the hottest day of the week, we picked a day with an air quality advisory due to ozone suggesting that folks limit the intensity and duration of their outdoor activity. Oops! I'm really hoping that was the cause of our breathing issues.

Overall, it was a really strong week - which we were still able to balance out with a raucous Medusa pool party, dinners with friends and family, and a super fun Carnival parade!

And with that, I'm in my final rest week before two more "peak weeks" - and then the taper!

[jogetschatty]

Working out the kinks + Race anxiety

Where to start. Well, I spent most of last week planning my workouts around the fact I was probably about to get COVID (By some combination of luck, vaccinations and Courtney's relegation to the realm of the back bedroom, I seem to have escaped it).

Beyond that, it's been a lot of working out the kinks.

When you hear "working out the kinks" you might be thinking, "that must mean she's got all the big stuff under control!" Which to some extent, is approaching the truth. I'm swimming the full Iron distance, riding 95 miles and running 19 doesn't feel horribly difficult. But the thing with Ironman is that there are MANY potential kinks, and they can all have a big impact on race day.

The biggest kinks left to work out, for me, are my comfort on the bike and my nutrition.

After last week's long brick ride, where I had excruciating back and shoulder pain way too early in the ride (not that it should be happening at all, but it definitely needs to not be happening with 50 miles yet to ride) we decided to work on my upper body alignment. While I've had a bike fitting, it was before installing my aero bars, and - as my pal at the bike shop pointed out - we're trying to turn a road bike into a tri bike (a nice way of saying "why didn't you just buy a TT bike, ya dummy). Anyways, we replaced my stem with a shorter one and brought the stem down as far as it goes - which shifted my aero bar rests back to get a better 90 degree angle. And it made a big, big difference on this Saturday's long brick ride - 95 miles, starting at National Harbor and going out around Indian Head. Once you get into Charles County, the roads are absolutely beautiful, though not without a few small weenied drivers with points to prove.

It wasn't without its trials and tribulations - a flat for Court at the halfway point, and a loose crank that ultimately ended his ride around mile 80.

It turned into an all day endeavor, and rather than the 10 mile brick run we'd hoped for - we had to settle for 30 minutes. Still - the run felt really, really good, with none of the dehydration and brain fry we experienced last week (the mild weather helped a lot).

The next BIG kink I need to work on is nutrition. I've been winging it way more than I can get away with in an Ironman - like this week, coming out of the convenience store at mile 65 with Pringles, tonic water and an Almond Joy. That's not going to cut it.

So for the next month, I'm going to focus on trying out specific products we'll use on race day - including Maurten, the on course gel of Ironman - and practicing hitting the 60-90 carbs per hour, staying well ahead of hydration, with adequate sodium intake (600-1,000mg / liter / hour, depending on the heat and humidity), and limited, front-loaded caffeine.

At this point, I'm also getting some serious pre-race anxiety. Beyond being nervous about how little time I have left to work out the remaining kinks, I'm pretty nervous about the 6:10pm bike cut off. Though our rides have averaged WELL above the pace needed to hit that, I've stopped my watch during our oftentimes numerous breaks - which of course, doesn't happen on race day.

Less than 6 weeks to go, y'all. This is crazy.

[jogetschatty]

Our First Super Brick... with an uninvited Guest

Well, peak phase is here y'all. I've been eagerly anticipating getting up to New England for cooler weather, new scenery, beautiful open roads and open water swimming in the kettle ponds of Cape Cod, and of course - my favorite, Silver Lake.

And man, after one shit cake of a week I was READY to go. My bags were packed, my out of office up, and my mind and spirit 100% checked out... But, Thursday night a positive COVID test for Courtney foiled our plans to leave first thing in the morning for our 2 week vacation.

Fortunately, his symptoms - at least thus far - have been extremely mild. So trying to make the best of a real shit hand, yesterday, we drove out to the Eastern Shore for an 85 mile “Beach to Beach” ride from Betterton beach on the coast of Maryland to Woodlands Beach on the coast of Delaware and back.

It was an absolutely gorgeous ride and one I would highly recommend - very lightly trafficked roads with nice big shoulders - clearly a popular bike course and the safest I’ve felt on any of our non-trail long rides to date.

The way out was flat and easy - and we were averaging about 19 miles per hour for the first 40. The way back, the headwind made it a different beast. By mile 55, my shoulders and neck were in so much pain I just desperately wanted it to end. Probably time to go in for another fitting (it's just SO hard for me to pay $300 for something intangible). Despite one refill stop, I also found myself COMPLETELY out of water by mile 70, and was getting pretty dehydrated by the time a Walgreens (is it a mirage?!) appeared in the distance. Water and a change of wind made a BIG difference, and the remaining 10 miles flew by with ease.

But we weren't done. We knew we were setting out to do a Super Brick, and Court charted out a route with 5, 7.5 and 10 mile options. In my head, I really wanted to hit that 10 mile brick milestone, but once we got running it pretty quickly became clear that wasn't going to happen.

In fact, we blew up pretty bad.

We had to start up a brutal hill, which felt like a slow shuffle more so than a run, but by mile 1 my legs had come back to me. By this time, it was mid-day and the sun was beating down on us. We'd forgotten our salt pills (shameee) and despite drinking lots of water, the period of dehydration on the bike had taken it's toll. The first three miles had intermittent shade, but by mile 4 it was just direct sunlight. Around mile 5, I looked at Courtney and just said, "this is hard" - slightly relieved that he agreed, and it wasn't just me. About a half mile later, he asked to take a quick break in a shady spot to cool down and get his heart rate under control, and when we stopped running my blood pressure dropped to quickly and I felt like I was going to pass out. I was seeing lights, sort of similar to when I'm about to get a migraine, and we just sat down by the side of the road in a shady spot to collect ourselves. Even though my stomach felt sloshy already, I forced myself to finish the electrolyte mix in my water bottle. After about 10 minutes, we were able to continue and felt mostly okay for the last 1.5 miles - where we ended at the beach and were rewarded with a nice dunk in the Chesapeake.

I'm not going to lie. Blowing up like that is discouraging. But I'm glad I'm doing it now rather than later, so I can learn from my mistakes and practice working through it. My plan didn't have me doing any super bricks until early September, but we decided to start incorporating them earlier to get a true feel for where I'm at and what I need to work on.

Lessons learned from this one:

-Do NOT get behind on hydration on the bike. -Remember your salt! -No sudden stops - blood pressure coming down too quickly is no good. -Try, try, try to avoid getting overheated (in the race, there will be ice, water, etc. much more readily available) - but if you do, remember not to panic. Find a shared area to cool down, let your heart rate come back to normal, and hydrate until you're ready to continue.

[jogetschatty]

Progress.

I'm just finishing up a rest week, given every 5th week or so to allow the body to recover before hitting a new peak. And man, did I need it. Physically and mentally, my training had me exhausted coming into this week.

Now don't get me wrong, a rest week isn't what most people would think of as a rest week. It's just that I'm doing 7-8 hours of training, rather than the 15-16 in the weeks prior. Essentially, the longest hardest workouts are forgone. Instead, I retook my fitness tests for each discipline to determine how my functional thresholds have changed over the past eight weeks of training.

This is where I was when I started, in May.

Any this is where I was coming into this week.

So what does all this mean? Where, there's a lot of data that goes into it. But essentially, the number I'll call attention to is Fitness - which I've seen increase from 83 to 139 in the past eight weeks. This is essentially just reflecting the total training time I've put in. It shows progress.

But what really shows progress, are my functional threshold tests:

Swimming: Your CSS (critical swim speed) is calculated by taking your pace over 400 yds and 200 yds. It's the theoretical fastest pace I can be expected to maintain continuously without exhaustion. And I saw it improve from 2:05 / 100 yd to 1:55 / 100 yd over the past eight weeks.

Biking: Here, I'm calculating my threshold based on power, taking my average power over a 20 minute all out cycle and multiplying it by 95%. I saw this go up by 8 watts (147 to 155), but I feel like something is wrong with this measurement. This time, I truly did go all out - and I think my power should be higher than this. I'm not an amazing cyclist, but I've maintained 144 watts over 70 miles and 4 hours, so it seems like my FTP (here, this is meant to be what you can sustain for an hour) should be higher.

Running: Here's where I'm probably the most pleased. When I started eight weeks ago, I wasn't able to run at all because of a hip injury so I had to skip the threshold test altogether. It was nearly a month (and several sessions with a very good physical therapist) into training before I could do any speedwork at all. This is measured by the average pace you can sustain over 30 minutes, and when I tested this week that number was 7:49 minute miles - and I took my test the first day back after a straight up bender of a weekend in NYC. I know there's more in there, but right now I'm just happy to be well enough to even think about speed.

Now, we head into the first peak phase. Over the next three weeks I'll be focused on getting physically - and perhaps more importantly - mentally race ready. That will mean super bricks and at least a couple of century rides - while carefully balancing rest to prevent injury and ensure I can make it to the start line in tact.

Wish me luck - the nerves are getting very real, and I feel like I'm going to need it!

[jogetschatty]

Halfway there! Plus, a scenic run through NYC.

Holy shit, this is a weird feeling.

Halfway to race day. Honestly, it's a feeling that's both exciting and terrifying. I feel like I have a LONG way to go before I'm race ready. I finished my long rides, which are still 30 miles short of the 116 I have to do day of, and the idea of running a full marathon seems beyond reach.

But at the same time, I think back to the day I started this training plans eight weeks ago - I was contending with a hip injury that left me unable to run at all. For weeks, speedwork was out of the question. Now, I've gotten up to 15-16 mile runs - and don't feel totally gassed at the end - and I set a new functional threshold pace at a 7:49 min mile this morning.

So, I choose to focus on the progress. And keep putting in the hard work. But this week, I get a much needed rest (7 hours of training, instead of 14) to prepare me for the first peak week of my training.

I ended the week with an amazing run through New York City that, even with extremely tired legs, flew by as we opted to leave the headphones at home and take in the sights!

[jogetschatty]

Battle Scars

IronMan training is GLAMOROUS y'all. As we get up there in mileage, my body is definitely starting to show it.

First of all, the bike short tan lines. Talk about SEXY y’all.

But that’s nothing compared to the chaffage. This weekend’s long ride through the pouring rain, combined with a 16 mile run with snacks in my pocket have led to a pretty gnarly situation.

Nothing says “hot girl summer” like open wounds on your upper thighs. We’re not even halfway through our training, and I’ve already got battle scars! (And these are only the ones I can post on the internet 🫣)

Here's the highlights from week:

-The Swim: Swam 4,350 yds - my longest to date, and more than the full Iron distance! Continuing to get faster, with my speed swim averaging 1:55/100 yds (with my fastest 100 yd at 1:45!)

-The Bike: Got three bike training sessions in this week - power pyramid to improve speed, a torque session to practice resistance, and a 75 mile, 6,400 ft long ride.

-The Run: Completed a 7 mile "No Let Up" run, averaging 8:15 minute mile. Incredibly strong long run, completing 16 miles - this was one of those rare "on autopilot" runs that felt strangely easy and enjoyable right up until the final mile, with my fastest mile coming at mile 14. I did skip the brick run, because we'd already put in 5 hours on the bike and it was pouring rain and I didn't want soaked shoes for the next day's long run.

Other than the battle scars, my body feels great. I feel like I'm recovering quickly even from the difficult workouts and don't feel totally wiped out.

[jogetschatty]

Remember you GET to do this! Plus Maryland Ice Cream Trail Part 3

As we were setting out on our long ride yesterday, a 75 mile peddle through the beautiful backroads of Northern Maryland - ending at a creamery, nonetheless - it struck me: I wasn't looking forward to it. I might not go so far as saying I felt a sense of dread, but I definitely wanted it to be over before we even started.

Courtney, on the other hand, was excited to get to spend the better part of a day on his bike - putting in work, but also enjoying the ride.

There's no denying that my husband is an amazing athlete - but truly, I think the biggest thing that sets us apart is that where I approach my longest, hardest workouts with an "I have to do this" mentality, he goes at with "I get to do this!"

As we were riding, I was reflecting a bit on why I feel this way and why it's changed over the past couple months of training. I think, in part, the pressure to put up good metrics that make me come away feeling like I've had a "good training session" is part of it. It's no longer a (long and hilly) joy ride on the ice cream trail, I feel like I also need to do it at a "respectable" speed - and I know that for me, that takes constant mental focus.

I think I'm also prone to burnout during long endurance training plans - and in anything, really, that requires knowing I have to get up and do the same thing again and again and again. Whether it's a diet (back when I did those!), a rough college course load (back when I did those!) or a training plan, I don't like it when things feel repetitive or monotonous.

And yes, I enjoy each of the individual sports - but I also enjoy late night and sticky dance floors. And those aren't particularly conducive to the training process.

I also know, though, how lucky I am to get to do a rigorous, time-intensive sport like IronMan. I'm lucky to have the disposable time to train (and honestly, without having to get up crazy early or forfeit all that much). And I'm luckier yet to have the health to put my body through this and have - for the most part - cooperate.

So I'm trying to adjust my mentality to enjoy the process rather than just pursue an outcome. After all, I have 12-16 hours a week, every week, of training and only 12-16 hours TOTAL of race day.

How it started… vs. how we were feeling after 5 hours, 6,400 ft and 2 hours of straight rain.

Nothing ice cream can’t fix! We only hit one creamery because “I need to work on my race nutrition” (she says, and then stops at gas stations where she buys Dunkaroos and a fried chicken sandwich 🤷🏻‍♀️) but it was a good one! Highlight was definitely the fruity pebbles cereal milkshake 😍

[jogetschatty]

Am I doing enough?!

I swear, I go back and forth weekly - if not daily! - on feeling right on track/ahead of the game and feeling like I'm not doing nearly enough to prepare for this race.

This week, I'm feeling the latter. Shouldn't I be having more two-a-days and early mornings? Shouldn't I be doing more than two runs a week?! (Not including my short brick run) Shouldn't I be doing more hills/sprints/insert X here?!

I'm finding it *incredibly* hard to trust the process.

Even though I did 80 miles on my long ride this weekend, I felt like it was a big step back after last week's 18mph 70 miler - I did it on a trail, averaged 16 mph, and took several stops to buy a (non-alcoholic) drink and a bag of potato chips.

I also felt pretty weak, the result of back-to-back 2am nights that I wouldn't change anything about, given they were spent catching up with one of my oldest, bestest friends who I'd not seen in three years.

The other thing that is getting in my head, is that during those long, long rides - I have *such* a hard time imagining biking another 30-40 miles AND THEN RUNNING A FRIGGIN' MARATHON!

At the end of the day, I know I need to trust the process and my plan. But 10 weeks feels SO SOON!!!!

Also, some wisdom I learned the hard way/your side of TMI: Don't shave your bikini area and go on an 80 mile bike ride. I don't care how much chamois butter you use - you WILL regret it. You don't want more details, trust me. But I could barely walk Monday morning. As a side note: if you find yourself in said situation, 1:45 in the pool seems to help!

[jogetschatty]

Digging Deep on the Bike + I graduated from PT!

After numerous weeks of interruptions and modifications to my training plan, I finally had a week where I hit every single workout strong. I'm most proud of my long bike ride - I stayed really focused on maintaining pace and power, and managed to average 17.9 mph over 70+ miles!

This felt HARD and definitely a higher exertion ride than I’d want to do on race day - I need to save more gas for the run - but this felt like excellent practice for bringing my speed and power up overall.

The run was extraordinarily challenging, between the heat (my watch sad “feels like 115”) and not having taken in enough nutrition on the bike (I did the math after the fact and realized I only took in about 500 calories over 4 hours - oops!)

Despite the hard ride, I was still able to get up the next day and run a strong, consistent 13.1 miles - the first run of that distance since my hip started acting up in May.

Speaking of, the other good news: I've graduated from PT! I'm no longer experiencing pain, event with speed runs. We've solved the problem I came in for, and I've got a good variety of strengthening and stability exercises to prevent future issues.

This was the first weekend where I felt like my training load really took it out of me - and I needed a nap to be able to make it out to my social gatherings. And I'm definitely starting to experience the "I'm always hungry!" phase of training that Courtney has described. I need to focus on filling those extra calories with nutrient dense foods, not just extra sugar.

[jogetschatty]

12 Weeks Out - And I Feel BEHIND!

Last week was our first recovery week, and it couldn't have come at a better time. On top of a planned long weekend trip to paddle the French Broad River, Courtney and I have been battling a nasty bug we just can't seem to beat. It started right after my trip to New Orleans, and has landed in our chest and head, heavily impacting our lung capacity and energy. We ended up skipping more of our scheduled workouts than we'd originally intended, just to get well enough to paddle down the river.

And it was a blast. But three days and two nights of camping, canoeing, drinking and poor sleep and one major knee contusion from a collision with a rock (could have been much, much worse) have left me not feeling like I'm going into this coming week very strong - and we're already missing yet another day to make the drive back home. And I'm still waking up with awful congestion and have a cough and irritated chest.

Birthday week, work travel, illness, vacation. It's always something. And with just 12 weeks to go, I'm starting to feel really behind. Honestly, it's got me a little freaked out.

Recap of the week: I had a good speed run, with strong intervals that brought no hip pain. I also had a strong speed bike, that upped my FTP by 10 points (I think there's more in there, I just need to dig for it). We swam once and I did one day of strength training. But we skipped our long ride and long run for the week (neither were particularly long, given it was a recovery week) and have now on our 5th consecutive day without any sort of work out (beyond paddling a canoe).

[jogetschatty]

Maryland Ice Cream Trail, Part 2

We knocked two more creameries off our Maryland Ice Cream Trail quest, and with more than 5,000 ft of climbing I'd say we earned those cones! It was a much more gradual climb than our first ice cream ride - I never found myself walking my bike up a 9% grade - but it was definitely a challenge, particularly given the nasty respiratory virus we've both been dealing with.

Between the hills, and some scary roads, I spent very little time in aero, and I was definitely dealing with some major discomfort by the end of the ride - probably about time to get my bike fitted again.

Stop 1, Woodbourne Creamery, where I enjoyed a scoop of ginger and a scoop of malted milk ball!

Stop 2, Rocky Point Creamery - I had a raspberry, that was super creamy and nice and tart with real pieces of raspberry.

By the end of the day, I definitely felt like I never wanted to touch my bike, or ice cream, ever again!

[jogetschatty]

How to maintain a training schedule while on a work trip

So, this was admittedly another imperfect training week. I was in New Orleans for an awesome work event, which meant I was without my bike or a pool... unless you count the rooftop one at my hotel.

And as much as I’d like to swim 12,000 laps while dodging tourists bobbing with hurricanes, I opted to skip the swim.

I obviously wasn't going to fly with my bike for a single training workout, but I did notice the hotel fitness center had a Peloton. While not a perfect substitute for my shiny Bianchi by any means - especially given the levers to adjust the seat/handle bars/etc. were all broken off - it would have to do the trick for my torque workout. So I headed down before 6am when no one else was awake.

The fitness room was much better equipped than what I have at home, so that was actually a plus!

I even brought my resistance bands from home and rigged them to my bathroom door so I could maintain my hip strength PT routine!

Running is, of course, the easiest discipline to maintain during travel - except for the fact that even before 7am, it was in the high 80's with 1000% humidity. Still, I set out to Crescent Park for speed work. Woof.

Since I've been rehabbing from an injury, this was actually my first real speed training, and it was HARD. But other than the nasty fall I took (and unfortunately in an area that smelled very much like urine - not ideal when you're laying on the ground with an open wound), I had no hip pain which I was really happy about.

Unfortunately, this happened after the first of 5 speed intervals. But inspired by these words, I dusted myself off and kept going.

I even managed some stints in the high 6’s and low 7s!

Of course, I let my cool down take me through Bourbon Street, which somehow smells even worse first thing in the morning.

The moral of the story - it's almost impossible to maintain a *perfect* training schedule on vacation or work travel - and over time, it would certainly start to impact your overall readiness. But it's possible - if you're willing to get creative, and get up early - to maintain it pretty well!

[jogetschatty]

Birthday Week: How to maintain a training schedule while also partying your face off.

I should probably clarify, this wasn't my strongest training week. I cashed in my "birthday girl" pass to not live the most IronMan friendly life this week. I got my primary workouts in, for the most part, but did skip my speed run, my BRICK run and my optional bike torque session. Will it impact my readiness? Maybe. Do I regret it? Absolutely not. I had an amazing week that left me feeling exhausted but very loved.

The Swim: A couple of late night concerts meant swim workouts had to happen in the evening, but I got them in! Overall, I'm really happy with how my swimming is coming along - I've gotten quite a bit faster lately, averaging 1:56/100 yd in my most recent speed workout, including the cooldown drills. For reference, just a couple months back my "fast" was 2:08/100 yd, and I couldn't imagine being able to break 2 minutes. No, I'm not going to win any races at this pace, but improvement is personal.

The Bike: Because I was riding alone this week, I rode the WO&D trail - which really isn't the best training. It doesn't mimic race day at all, but I don't feel safe riding on the roads by myself - especially with weekday drivers. I did meet some new friends, who recognized my horn from Strava, and rode the last 20 with them, including the killer hill on Walter Reed Dr.!

The Run: I only ran once this week, which really isn't great. But the good news is that one long run (11 miles) felt strong, still not experiencing any sort of lingering pain, and my physical therapist even suggested that I try out some speedwork to see how it feels!

Strength Training: Definitely feel progress! Whereas last week I could barely walk after a short lunge/squat session and had to heavily modify my next strength training session to skip legs, this time I was able to do both sessions AND function! Also building in a lot of hip strength and stabilization, to ensure I'm strengthening the muscles we've lengthened out in PT so I can try to avoid future injuries.

Social Life: Straight. Up. Bender.

[jogetschatty]

How do you feel about some needles today?

After a rollercoaster of a training week, I was eager to return to my physical therapist yesterday to talk about how things have been progressing and hopefully get some clarity around what pain I should worry about and what pain is a normal biproduct of my work to strengthen the surrounding muscles. She assured me that what I was describing sounded like normal muscle soreness and that overall, we seem to be moving in the right direction - which definitely came as a relief.

Then she suggested we try some needles. Dry needling isn't something I've had done before, but I've heard great things from friends who have and was eager to try it!

Small needles are inserted through the skin to underlying trigger points to decrease banding or tightness, increase blood flow, and reduce pain. My PT described it as hitting the hard reset button on a muscle that has been shortened (typically what we're referring to when we say "tight") - when the muscle recovers, it returns to its normal state.

I have to say - it's not comfortable. It causes the muscle to spasm, and afterwards it feels like it's been through a hard workout. But I was told the most important thing was to keep moving. By evening, I could already tell it felt different.

This morning I went out on my long run, not quite sure what to expect. It was still just a tiny bit sore from the needling, but I was surprised to find just how improved my range of motion felt! I ended up getting in 10 miles, with no pain, and a sub-9-minute mile to boot (I was actually reminding myself to slow down throughout the run - I'm trying to be really careful not to get excited and overdo it).

[jogetschatty]

No pain, no gain they say. And no doubt, training for and completing an Ironman involves pain. You’re constantly pushing the limits, which inherently involves a good deal of discomfort. But when trying to train while also combatting an injury, it’s incredibly stressful to determine which pain is bad pain and which pain is just part of the process.

Tuesday night, I felt like I was almost 100%. I was feeling really, really good. But Tuesday I did my first strength training session - which I mocked for being only 20 active minutes - and Wednesday morning decided to try my speed run, but at very slow speed intervals.

It didn’t feel good, and I probably should have stopped. But I found myself questioning what is a 3-4+ on the on the pain scale, and what is just sore muscles from doing squats and lunges after not doing them for quite some time. So instead, I slowed way down but finished the workout.

By the end of the night, I could barely walk my quads were so sore it felt like my legs might buckle. Uninjured, I’d have seen this as a sign of an intense strength workout. But now I find myself laying awake worrying, “did I make it worse?”

And that’s perhaps the most frustrating part of all of this. Instead of putting my mental energy toward training (and that alone takes a lot!) I’m spending a significant portion of time worrying about the thin line between progress and “starting a fire.” My confidence and optimism is a complete rollercoaster, and it’s more exhausting than the training itself.