#but also killed many people in the process

[yujiphoric]

Why I Love Caitlyn, and Why You Hate Her

⚠️ READER DISCRETION: I am not condoning Caitlyn’s actions and behavior, I am simply exploring the depth of her character and explaining what motivated her pursuit of revenge.

There’s no denying the gravity of Caitlyn’s actions as they are unquestionably wrong. However, her character cannot be reduced to these actions alone. This sudden, devastating behavior of hers is shaped by a thread of complex motivations and circumstances, but many choose not to acknowledge this simply because of her elite background. 

Like many others, I initially overlooked the point of the gassing in Zaun, which I think is a crucial thing everyone must first understand before diving into the discourse over Caitlyn's character. 

The Grey, often misunderstood as being used indiscriminately, was strategically deployed against the Chem-Barons to limit collateral damage. Caitlyn chose precision over chaos, targeting those directly responsible for Zaun’s turmoil. Furthermore, Caitlyn didn’t kill the Chem-Barons; she captured them, with net-deploying bullets. While her methods are controversial, they reflect a calculated approach; mischaracterizing her raid as a reckless attack ignores these details.

This isn’t to deny or excuse the fact that Caitlyn did, indeed, gas Zaun. Who’s to say that gas didn’t seep into the streets where innocent Zaunites roamed, harming them in the process? It’s entirely possible that innocents were affected and devastated. However, my brief explanation is only added to gain better perspective over the objectives of the gassing itself.

Now moving on, despite her privileged upbringing, Caitlyn shows a genuine effort to understand and connect with Zaunites. She places her trust in Vi, a Zaunite she’s never met before, to guide her in her search for Silco. Her journey through the undercity opens her eyes to the struggles of its people, challenging her perspective.

In S1E4, when investigating the airship attack, she encounters an undercity resident and reassures him, “I can protect you.” Later in the season, when Vi gets stabbed, Caitlyn encounters someone formerly connected to Vi. He’s grown a distaste over himself due to his appearance, and yet Caitlyn embraces him with compassion and tenderness, as a silent sign of gratitude. Then, she surrenders her cherished firearm—her only means of protection—in return for a healing potion to save Vi. In S1E7, Caitlyn’s heartfelt monologue in her conversation with Ekko perfectly captures her hope and determination: “This city needs healing. More than I ever realized. Please, let me help you.”

When Caitlyn and Vi stand in front of the Council, Caitlyn declares: “Councilors, this is Vi. She was born in the undercity. Even though we failed her in countless ways, she risked everything to show me what life is really like down there. People are starving, sick, ravaged by Shimmer. They live in constant fear of the coordinated efforts of violent crime lords.” This monologue alone shows how Caitlyn embodies optimism, believing in the inherent goodness of people, even Zaunites. It also shows that she is very willing to fight for them; she sees helping Zaunites as an act of bringing justice and equality into this world.

Many overlook the depth of Cassandra and Caitlyn’s relationship, reducing it to a simple narrative of a daughter mourning her mother. However, Caitlyn’s mourning is more layered than that. Throughout her life, she has been rebellious, driven by a desire to uncover the reality her mother tried to shield her from. In S1E4, Caitlyn reflects on this by saying, “She’d do anything to keep me from seeing the real world.” Caitlyn’s defiance wasn’t just rebellion for its own sake—it was a stand for her ideals. She sought enlightenment and understanding, even if it meant stepping outside the privileged bubble her mother built for her. By venturing into the undercity and aligning herself with Vi, Caitlyn rejected her mother's own ideals. In a way, her actions mirror Vi’s: just as Vi betrayed her people by working with the enforcers, Caitlyn betrayed her mother by involving herself with Zaunites. Remember: The last time we see Caitlyn and Cassandra interact on-screen is during Caitlyn’s plea before the Council. And in that moment, Caitlyn was fighting to protect the very kind that would soon kill her own mother.

You say that Caitlyn’s drastic shift is unjustified, as she’s only experienced a fraction of the suffering Zaunites have been enduring. But that’s precisely the point! Her transformation shows how personal loss can drive the change of one’s entire character; she’s never experienced loss before which is why it feels so heavy for her. And unlike Zaunites, Caitlyn actually has the power to act on her grief. Zaunites have only known misery their whole lives. When their loved one dies, they know there is nothing more they can do but grieve. They don’t have an inch of the privilege and military support Caitlyn has. If you had given them the same resources as Caitlyn, they wouldn’t hesitate to bring ruin to Piltover. Simply put, they don’t fight Piltovans because they don’t want to, but because they can’t.

When Jinx takes her mother away, her compassionate ideals completely shatter. Having always sought justice and understanding for Zaun, Caitlyn feels deeply betrayed, as her faith in the good within every Zaunite is overturned. Her mother’s death becomes a turning point—driving her to abandon her ideals and adopt Piltover’s disdain for the undercity, finally understanding the resentment many Piltovans harbor.

We also tend to forget that, aside from losing her mother, Caitlyn has directly suffered under the hands of Jinx. Caitlyn was held captive by Jinx in Season 1—and God knows what was done to her during that period. In the dinner scene, we see Caitlyn break down in tears, visibly flinching when Jinx moves toward her. It’s clear that Jinx has traumatized Caitlyn not just once, but twice. These experiences deeply shape Caitlyn’s actions moving forward. The pain and fear she’s endured push her to a place where she’s willing to sacrifice almost anything, even if it means putting a child’s life at risk (Isha's) or severing ties with Vi.

While they share their differences, Caitlyn and Jinx are the perfect example of foil characters. Here’s an instance which proves this: Both allow themselves to be influenced by manipulative, powerful figures all while being in a vulnerable state of mind.

Jinx is haunted by guilt; her attempt to save her family only ended up killing them, leaving her with the crushing weight of self-blame. She clings to Silco, not because he was the father she needed, but because he was the father she wanted. Silco indulged her destructive tendencies, keeping her at an all-time high on the edges of chaos. Fragile and broken, Powder crossed paths with Silco at the right moment; he saw the perfect chance to mold her into someone bewildered, unrestrained, and astray.

Caitlyn has her own Silco: Ambessa, the ruthless Noxian leader with a brutal philosophy of war. Ambessa enters Caitlyn’s life at a pivotal moment, stepping in just as Caitlyn is grappling with the devastating loss of her mother. In a spiral of self-identity, Caitlyn struggles with the weight of Piltover’s expectations and her unresolved guilt over her strained relationship with her mother (as explained in previous paragraphs). Just as young Powder mourns her family, Caitlyn blames herself for the death of her mother. Caitlyn got herself involved with the Zaunites even when she was warned not to, and at the expense of her defiance came the death of her mother. Driven by guilt and a thirst for vengeance, Caitlyn steps fully into her role, declaring in S2E1: “I am a decorated officer. Leader of House Kiramman.”

Jinx and Caitlyn share a tragic parallel: they both lose everyone they hold dear. Jinx loses Vi, Vander, Claggor, and Mylo. Caitlyn is left without Cassandra, Vi, Jayce, Mel, and Tobias. Stripped of their support systems, they are left isolated, with no one to confide in or rely on. They become vulnerable, used as pawns in the larger schemes of Silco and Ambessa’s strategic games.

Caitlyn's inner turmoil is exactly why Ambessa’s manipulation is so effective. Caitlyn is compelled to take revenge, but she doesn’t know how to. And without anyone else to guide her, she places her complete trust in Ambessa's expertise. Ambessa doesn’t just give Caitlyn the authority and power to avenge her mother; she teaches her how to use them to their full potential. She toys with Caitlyn's vulnerability, making her adopt the Noxian values of wrath, bloodshed, and ruthlessness. 

It’s easy to downplay Caitlyn’s grief since she comes from an elite upbringing. While Cassandra Kiramman is laid to rest in a golden casket with a proper burial, countless innocents in Zaun become victims of merciless violence, being left to die on the streets. After the timeskip however, Caitlyn is shown to recognize the moral cost of her actions. Though the series portrays this realization subtly, it becomes evident that Caitlyn is grappling with the inhumanity and immorality of her pursuit of revenge. In S2E4, this internal conflict comes to light during her conversation with Ambessa. When Ambessa attempts to stoke her fury again, Caitlyn disarms her with a piercing question: “Why is peace always the justification for violence?”

Here's another scene that subtly depicts her realization and remorse:

Caitlyn: You're a monster. Why? Why do all this? Singed: Why does anyone commit acts others deem unspeakable? ... For love.

When Caitlyn steps further and sees Orianna, she realizes that Singed's revenge is a reflection of her own: a person grieving the death of their family member. Here, there's a saddened glint in her eyes. She finally understands now, that love and grief made her do things that once seemed so foreign to her. In this case, going against her own principles just to succeed in her revenge.

Caitlyn is now forever haunted by the outcome of her mistakes, but she knows her past cannot be erased. During her confrontation with Jinx in the prison, she admits, “No amount of good deeds can undo our crimes.” While this statement is directed at Jinx, it feels like Caitlyn also holds this against herself for her wrongdoings. 

Caitlyn’s acts of atonement are done quietly. She’s not good with words; she’s bad at articulating how she feels. Ironically, Vi is much better than Caitlyn when it comes to confronting and vocalizing internal conflict. So instead, Caitlyn’s actions speak for herself. By removing the guards at the prison, she tacitly allows Vi the opportunity to rescue Jinx. She knows Vi will come to save her sister, and yet she lets her. She finally lets go of Jinx and the grudge she held against her, as a silent act of her love for Vi.

And in S2E9, Sevika is shown to be sitting among the Councilors. But thanks to a fan's keen eyes, we find out that she is sat particularly on Cassandra Kiramman's chair (which not many notice). By allowing a Zaunite to occupy her mother's seat, Caitlyn gives them a chance to be rightfully represented, a chance for their voices and suffering to finally be heard. It’s a quiet display of Caitlyn’s evolution and willingness to bridge the divide between Piltover and Zaun.

That said, Arcane’s ending left much to be desired regarding Caitlyn’s arc. The heavy focus on Hextech overshadowed the sociopolitical dynamics of Piltover and Zaun. This is the main reason a lot of hate is thrown toward Caitlyn—there is an act of accountability, but there a lack of consequence. While Caitlyn acknowledges her mistakes, her privileged status keeps her from real repercussions, unlike the tragedy other characters had to face. This is frustrating, even to me, as someone whose favorite character is Caitlyn. Yet, in a way, it realistically portrays the inequalities in our own world—where the elite are often shielded from justice, and repentance is the closest they ever come to redemption.

[k1tty5]

I would like to make it clear that I do NOT want anyone’s firstborns, but I will ramble. for you.

rambles about the process and other thoughts under the cut! I talk a LOT, so… view at your own risk?

I originally had this idea a couple months ago, I think when I first heard the song. I had made a little test for it, which I didn’t end up doing anything with because I thought it didn’t really make much sense. Which, I’m not sure I did that great of a job making this make sense, but you know. Whatever.

this is the original drawing i made for it back in early august, very rushed and not a big fan of it.

I liked the black background & grayscale palette, as well as the way the string kind of . Twirls around the text? BUT, I went into this without any planning, mostly just me doodling and then threw the lyrics on for fun. No plot or whatever, very short.

After I made this, I was kind of just keeping this idea in mind for later, but I held back on trying to do it as I just wasn’t really sure where I wanted to go with it. I’m very bad at planning and tend to rush into things a lot, which ends up hindering the quality of a lot of my art. and since this was something I actually liked the idea of, I wanted to give it my all.

There was also the fact that because I liked the idea, I wanted the best outcome. This kind of ends up in a sort of paralysis where I don’t want to work on something because I’m not good enough for it, but I did realize that I will likely never consider myself good enough for it, so why not just go for it?

Anyway ,

I did not end up keeping the black background for the reason that I decided that this time around I wanted it to have a more traditional vibe/look? Like perhaps it was scrawled over some roughed up paper, hence the sketchy style and limited palette.

And as for why I didn’t keep the string looping around the pages, I just thought that would add too much red to the pages, sort of ruining the vibe. So I instead just kept it inside the panels!

these are the original thumbnails/sketches! most of them I kept the same, but I did end up pretty much entirely changing the third page, because I decided there was already too many panels of just their faces with somewhat unsettled expressions .

thoughts on individual pages - don’t expect me to be organized or this to be well thought out, by the way,,

on page 1 ,

I started with a shot of the relationship, mostly to just… set the scene. I am NOT an expert on comics, and went into this with very minimal planning, so this work in general is more of the vibes than it is a storyline, but I did try to vaguely get it to resemble something comprehensible.

the second panel of Etho brushing Joel’s cheek is very much no thoughts for me lol, not very happy with how it looks. I do picture Etho as the more openly affectionate one (though i can see it both ways). BUT, to match with the lyrics, you could say that the first panel paired with “it’s hard to tell which elements of this are real” could be resembling that the boat is something tangible and physical, whereas the second panel paired with “and which are chemically enhanced” is referring to whatever feelings they have. Asking themselves if this is really real, or if it’s just the game.

no notes on the third panel lol. like i say this was not well thought out, the story is somewhat there, but it’s VERY much up to interpretation and I did intend it to be that way. I have ideas about what is happening, but I want to keep it up to the viewer.

on page 2,

“But it’s not easy to tell what I want from what I need” OH BOY !!! manic red joel. blinded by the bloodlust and rage and adrenaline. he needs this. he needs it, doesn’t he?

“I am more scared of myself than I am of anyone else” okay okay okay. I don’t headcanon he has any real remorse for killing anyone. this is a death game, you’re not meant to be a good person, this is built on lies and manipulation and blood and hurt. headcanon they’re all insane people doing bad things (with a forced hand or not). BUT !!! big fan of “i break everything i touch” kind of thing (its kind of a pattern in ships i like OOPS). so much angst. regretful of your violent nature, wishing to be gentler so that you can cradle his face without digging your nails into his skin, unwanting to break the only thing you’ve learnt to love.

but. etho doesn’t care !!! he doesnt care. his hands are just as bloody as yours, don’t you see?

on page 3,

panel one is just a continuation of the last scene which i just talked about blah blah blah

panel 2!! thats a portal. we all know what happened in the portal :)

on page 4.

ending the mini comic thing with the ship burning, while it started with a shot of the ship in its prime. before and after, how it started and how it ended.

all in all, I !! AM !!! INSANE!!! about them. I could ramble for hours probably but this is already long so ending with a couple final thoughts.

this is definitely meant to be set after they’ve gone red, when in that timeframe is up to you, though. in my vision the lyrics are kind of correlating to c!joel’s thoughts/feelings/whatevers, but it can definitely go both ways - or neither way lol. This song is really just like. THEM. To me.

anywho, thank you to anyone who has put the augh’s and ough’s in the tags, they’re very gratifying haha <3

the simplest words

[freizusein]

Can I please. Just for ONE sec. YELL about the Redeem Solas ending of The Veilguard from perspective of a platonic "save Solas worldstate" Inquisitor!!! (in my case a male Lavellan who romanced Dorian).

The Inquisitor is coming to Solas with nothing but their heart on their hand (their remaining hand, the other one taken by the very elf they are trying to redeem) - extended in pure hope of redemption, without any sort of further motive beyond that - never giving up fully, even after Varric's death (which totally made me waver in my erstwhile of stance of trying to redeem Solas no matter what as I'm sure many others jfc but I digress). They have EVERY reason, next to the whole issue of *cough* killing Varric, using blood magic and manipulating Rook like he did, and after Solas then continuing to betray Rook MULTIPLE TIMES, to say nope, Solas has done it, he crossed the line of no return. But they are, despite all that, STILL continuing what they have promised Solas in the Crossroads 10 years ago: "You do not have to destroy this world. I will prove it to you." Despite how lost they might be themselves! DESPITE how much Thedas and its people, and events that were set in motion by Solas himself have taken from them!!! (If you are playing as Solas-platonic Lavellan this also makes you a lost elf just like him in a way and even MORE painfully poetic). And just as Varric carried that promise to prove this to Solas with him, to the final line - just as, depending on how you play them ofc, Rook does - The Inquisitor, JUST AS THEY DID 10 YEARS AGO - walk up a set of stairs to Solas while his back is turned, and ask him. With empathy and kindness. Because deep inside them, they can see through Solas' facade. They know how he feels.

The Inquisitor sets aside all they have suffered, also by Solas own hand - who has been ripped from their old life by events out of their control; by duty; in many cases ostracized from their culture and beliefs in this process, forced to take upon a burden (the safety of the whole southern continent, or at the end of Veilguard more like the whole of Thedas) and a destiny they have never chosen and despite that still need to commit to 10 years later - and they continue to say, no. I WILL NOT BECOME TRAPPED BY WHAT I'VE LOST. (*screaming in the distance at this quote from the earlier conversation with the Inquisitor, btw, the foreshadowing in everything is so good*). And the PARALLELS in this, not just to Solas himself, but then also in the cinematography and TO TRESPASSER!!!

THIS!!!! THIS RIGHT HERE IS THE SHIT I WANT TO ESPECIALLY YELL ABOUT!!!!!

After Solas encounters Mythal and breaks down in pain and despair, the Inquisitor tells Solas, "You are free to find a better way."

And they kneel down before him - kneel down to be UNDER him - just to say it. They don't "talk down" to him, having proven their point made at the end of Trespasser. They are not "winning" here, or triumphing over Solas in any way (if anyone is winning at this moment, you could say that it is Varric from the afterlife). They fucking kneel before him, the lyrium dagger that killed Varric, nearly ripped open the Veil multiple times, killed Ghilna'nain and Elgar'nan, centimeters from their throat.

They reach out to him, one final time. Again with empathy and kindness, not judgement. And with it, light the final beacon to Solas' atonement. Doing this, they prove to Solas, without any doubt, that this is a world ((worth saving)) where he is indeed free to find a better way.

Remember Trespasser? Remember, how, at the end, The Inquisitor was kneeling before Solas, forced to kneel because the anchor was actively killing them and they were suffering unbearable torment while Solas was telling them that he would rip down the Veil and destroy the world as they know it?

See this down here, actively paralleling the final moments of Trespasser in the way Solas and the Inquisitor are positioned, Solas bent with pain... and yet, although they roles might metrophorically be seen as reversed, the Inquisitor again on the ground before him for that final statement, spoken with such softness?

Idk what to close this post with bc I have resorted to mindless rambling at this point but make of it what you will, something something full circle and breaking the circle of violence while doing so, I'll just be in my corner screaming on the inside (also Solas, when he turns around for one final time before stepping into the Veil, saying "Thanks to you I can now see the way" while looking directly at the Inquisitor (who is also the only one who's facial expression reacts to that statement, not Rook or Morrigan))

late night edit of this post bc i cannot stop thinking abt this: something VERY important is to be said here imo that the Inquisitor does not have to forgive solas to do this. In fact after all that has happened it is absolutely fine if the Inquisitor cannot forgive solas for (some of) the things he has done, and that should also be able to be the case in a save solas/solas as (former) friend world state!!! And that would not lessen this scene. On the contrary, even. Giving someone a chance at redemption - bringing light to them and opening their eyes to another path with kindness and empathy DESPITE the pain the inquisitor has endured - while not being able to forgive solas for the pain - just makes the breaking of the circle of violence and the not being trapped in regret themes even more powerful!!! This is actively abt the Inquisitor (and Rook!) setting aside all pride and ego, letting go of their loss and pain and their demons of regret, and making solas open his heart to the way out as much as it is abt Solas himself!!! In spite of it all!!!

[zaine-m]

I like to think that Jayce and Viktor get a happy ending in the other universe too

Jayce feels awful that hextech took a life. Especially seeing powder (who is around the same age he was when him and his mom were saved by hextech) holding her dead sister's body

He says similar things as in the start of the trial but now fully meaning them and never mentions trying to create magic

Vander comes to Jayce's trial and stands up for him, saying he's just a stupid kid with a dream to help people who didn't know what he was doing

"Vi's with her mom now, let Jayce go home to his"

He does still sneak into his lab to attempt suicide but this time Viktor's "am I interrupting?" doesn't do anything, Jayce just turns back around and jumped, not being able to handle the guilt of accidentally taking a life while also realizing his life's work only caused harm

He survives the attempt and wakes up in a hospital bed, paralyzed from the waist down with his mother crying next to him

Viktor comes in a bit later while his mom is out making some food for him

His tone is completely too cold for the situation. Jayce is in complete despair and Viktor refuses to match the mood

He says most of the same stuff about how hextech can change people's lives but Jayce responds "yeah, well so far all it's done is a take the life of an innocent child"

"ehh, she was from the undercity. I grew up there, many children did not live to see adulthood"

"How does that make anything better?"

"Because this has the potential to change that. One explosion? There are toxic fumes and polluted waters slowly killing hundreds of children each year"

"Even if I wanted to I'm banned from the academy and ..." *waves at legs*

"pshh, you think trenchers are supposed to be at the academy and everything I did in my life I did while being disabled"

"Listen, I can't help you"

Viktor leaves Jayce's bracelet by his bed and heads towards the door. Jayce takes one look at it and throw it across the room in anger. "you probably shouldn't throw that", "GET OUT!"

A while later Vander comes to invite Jayce to Vi's memorial at the last drop

Jayce feels so guilty when he first comes into the last drop, everyone is staring at him

He sees Ekko, the kind little kid who had sold him such reasonably prices wares just days before his experiments accidentally killed his friend

Powder just starting going at him when she first sees him, her weak child-who-has-never-punched-before fists do very little damage especially because she's going so fast she doesn't fully pull her hands back

Jayce just lets her at it, crying and apologizing between the blows

Vander comes to pull Powder off of him, "it wasn't his fault, he didn't know how dangerous the materials were" she just looks back and screams at him before going back to her bedroom

Vander takes Jayce on a walk through the undercity to talk,

"Everyone in there knew what I did?"

"huh, no?"

"they were looking at me like I was a monster"

"yeah, that's cause you're dressed like a piltie"

"ohh, ha... I'm so sorry about what happened to Vi"

"It's a shame, but she's with her parents now"

*Jayce looks down, only feeling worse finding out the girl he killed was an orphan*

"You want to know how her parents died?" *they arrive at the bridge* "I thought I could help the undercity, create a better world by fighting for sovereignty. I led us across this bridge and lost so many people in the process, the undercity is still recovering"

"I'm so sorry"

"I was like you, I was young and ambitious and I wanted to help people. But you know what I learned. You don't need to make giant leaps to help the people around you"

On the way back Vander points out all the ways he's helped different people in the undercity, helping them make a business plan, caring for their kids when they were sick, helping them find a community at the last drop

He also points out all the things that could be helped like roofs with holes in them and cliffs that should have railings

"You don't need hextech to help the world, Jayce"

Jayce spends his time between his family's forge doing hammer work and around the undercity working as a handyman, building what he can to help people

Eventually he tracks down Viktor, hoping to find ways to make a more systemic change for things like the dirty water and polluted air

Viktor works on studies surveying the living conditions of those in the undercity and seeing what affects it has on expected lifespan and the likelihood of developing different diseases to present to the council

That along with the more pro-Zaun push that's been happening since Vi's death he gets quite a bit of work done

While he's doing this Jayce does what he can to start implementing changes by making water filters and distributing masks to those in the slump levels

After a few years Jayce petitions to be let back into the academy to help Viktor with his work on a formal level and with outstanding testimonials from many people in the undercity he's let back in

When their work making the undercity safer is done they move onto studying how to treat the various illnesses people in the undercity have suffered from living there

first starting with Viktor's various physical health issues and finding that a lot of his issues come from it never being studied how to use mobility aids and how improper use can put a strain on other parts of your body so he switched to a forearm crutch to help his back

I'm gonna say in this universe Viktor just has severe asthma which they're able to find medicines to treat so he still has issues breathing in a lot of the undercity, he just wears a mask most of the time and keeps his medication with him

Viktor and Jayce end up dating but it happens to slowly that it's hard to realize, they just spend all their time together working on their research and then they get an apartment together because they were both looking for roommates

Jayce stopped looking for people to date after the accident because he was going through a big life change and never got back in the game and Viktor always rejected anyone, saying he was too busy with his studies

Jayce is just physically affectionate in a way where hugging Viktor a lot turns into Viktor sitting on his lap whenever his leg is sore turns into Jayce playing with Viktor's hair when he's bored turns into them cuddling on the couch turns into them cuddling in bed turns into kisses on the forehead when one of them is sick turns into kisses when they're not sick

They're at the last drop one day and Viktor gets up off Jayce's lap to use with washroom and Vander asks Jayce, "so you think you'll propose soon" Jayce almost spits out his food, "what, what do you mean?"

"I mean you've been dating for like what 5 years now. You gotta pop the question sooner or later"

"umm... yeah" wait fuck are we dating, have we been dating for 5 years, what

In bed that night: "Viktor, I... I think I might like you... like romantically. I guess I never thought about it but I was talking to Vander and... and you've been the most important person in my life for the past like 6 years"

"Jayce, I thought we were dating? How are you only realizing this now"

"ohh"

"I called you my partner"

"I thought you meant like research partner"

"we kissed a lot"

"I thought those were like just for comfort... between friends"

*Viktor kisses him passionately but not the most passionately they've kissed before*

"Does that seem like it would be between friends?"

"heh, now that you mention it I guess not"

[galacticghoste]

THANK YOU

Just let people complain its not like their opinions are gonna change anythings what's done is done it's not changing so just let me complain on what they could have done

Me rambling

AS MUCH AS I LOVE each episode on their own

bunce of ships becoming Canon!!!

And the art was gorgeous through out the whole series and the music chefs kiss to both

But seriously I don't get what people's deal is with someone not likeing the ended of a show like if you love it good on you bro that your opinion

For me NOPE it's not bad I can deal with cliffhangers that's not the issue here

(I KNOW NOT EVERYTHING GONNA BE PERFECT)

But seriously though for me personally it's didn't hit.

There's SO MUCH potential wasted and so many characters died but we don't get enough time to fully process their loss bc nope time limit

Me and my friend went on for like an hour on what could have gone differently

(I know they have a limit on money and time)

This obviously needs more episodes to actually fully tell the story

LIKE ISHA KINDA DIED FOR NOTHING what was the point of the beautifully painful scene of her sacrificing herself only for Vander to be revived once again WTF?!?

We don't even see what happened after that because we only learn it by characters say what happened after we don't even know what they did with her body we only know Jinx got REALLY depressed

It felt like we could have had a episode dedicated to vector more focusing on him and Jayce and how he tried to change that fate so many times kinda like homora from madoka magica did

Also what was that homeless guy Vi finds name anyways i don't remember it and we GOT NOTHING ON HIS BACKSTORY I really thought we would get an episode on that since he seemed important

SAME WITH ISHA I DONT KNOW WHY SHE WAS BEING CHASED OR WHAT HAPPEND TO HER FAMILY we don't get anything on that either

She kinda in a way existed just for Jinx to get better just to get hurt again by her lose

I think since multiple storys were happening at once it was struggle to find a way to fully close it correctly so what better way then killing off most the characters

Also

WTF happend to HEIMERDINGER??? Like is he dead? Bc he just poof and dissappear not even fluff was left behind

by the way. people are allowed to complain about this season feeling rushed. i don’t know when it became a thing in this fandom to completely jump people who have valid complaints like YES arcane is a fantastically produced and beautifully animated show and nobody will be able to top it but they did start things with some characters only for it to never go anywhere so it can all be wrapped up in three episodes 😭

[monowritestoomuch]

My thoughts on the High King/High Queen of Prythian Argument:

I am currently reading A Court of Silver Flames and have not finished it has not been confirmed to me through reading that Eris has killed Beron yet, so until then and Eris can reform the Autumn Court, these are my final scorings.

To preface this, I currently like how there is a seven court system for Prythian in the books, as the lands are a continent, not a country. In addition, it would be impractical and inefficient for there to be a “high king or queen” of Prythian as the geopolitical system and issues would be far too difficult and incredibly complex, giving its high chance of collapse under the sheer weight of whoever ends up ruling on the throne.

This being said, many arguments have been made on who is going to be the high king/queen among the high lords and I believe I’ve figured out, if there was to be a high king/queen, who would be the best to sit on the throne and bear the title.

So here we go:

7: Rhysand

At number seven we have Rhysand. I know I’m about to get a supreme amount of hate for this, but hear me out. Most of his people hate him, including the Court of Nightmares and others, including Hewn City. His armies aren’t loyal in places like Hewn city or the Court of Nightmares because of his treatment of them, and I haven’t even mentioned how he treats women.

This man took over FIVE HUNRED YEARS TO REALIZE that Illyrian men’s treatment of Illyrian women was too harsh. He put in place laws to stop wing clipping and to allow women to own property and business, but there was a fatal flaw in his lawmaking process. He didn’t enforce it.

It had already taken over 500 years to make proper laws to prohibit the mistreatment of Illyrian women, but he doesn’t even enforce the laws he put in place, basically rendering them useless. And the Illyrian men don’t even care, they just carry on with the treatment, only now they can get caught but not much would be done about it regardless as Rhysand never visits to do a welfare check. 

And don’t get me started on Velaris or Illyrian reproductive rights.

6: Beron

There are many others who could go here but I’m putting Beron. The reason he isn’t at the bottom is because his court doesn’t completely hate him.

However, his prominent issues are clear within his court. There is a clear divide in privilege between classes, a classist system, clearly enforced by him. And as far as I’m concerned, this man doesn’t care for child safety laws (based on how he treated his dead son’s deaths after their subsequent murders) and murder. Since he clearly doesn’t care for the lower class, there could be horrific crimes against them, such as what happened to Jesminda.

His entire court, including his advisors and emissaries, are all toxic, backstabbing individuals who couldn’t care less about anyone besides themselves, which is what Beron intended.

The only reason he isn’t lower is because his court is still decently stable and doesn’t look like it’s going to collapse due to the obscene laws created by the high lord or BEHAVIOR exhibited by the high lord.

Once Eris kills Beron then perhaps the court will be reformed and this rating could be changed but until then this is my opinion.

5: Tarquin

Now I love Tarquin, he’s my favorite character out of everyone in this series, but there are some extremely flawed political matters that have landed the Summer Court so low.

Here are the Positives: 

Tarquin, as the youngest high lord, has a more modern viewpoint than any of the other high lords.

Tarquin wants to abolish classism in his court, he wishes to merge the higher and lower classes into a single body, for there to be little to no tension between them. This is a very different view than what the other high lords have conjured for their courts. 

He also takes in refugees from spring after  Feyre destroys the Spring Court, implying the reconstruction and beginning rehabilitation of his court, including the deep care he has for both his subjects, and refugees that may be in harms way. He offers them benefits and a way to live with less fear than they had, which I admire about him. He seems to be a very kind-hearted high lord.

However,

Flaws:

He’s too trusting, as exhibited when Feyre visits the Summer Court for the first time. He trusts her immediately, causing him to have a piece of the Summer Court stolen and diplomatic declaration of perhaps even war on his hands due to the actions of another court because of how trusting he is. This boils over when he sends blood rubies to the night court to show his distaste, displeasure, and a ban from returning to the Summer Court overall.

He is also too forgiving, as exhibited when he forgives Feyre for the blood rubies without an explanation. I can’t tell if that is SJM’s intention, or if Tarquin is just that naïve. 

In addition, he has a weak military. This is exhibited during the war with Hybern, as his forces cannot properly hold their own and the Summer Court gets heavily damaged due to it. 

He is also the youngest high lord, at only eighty years, he hasn’t lived long enough, or been the high lord for long enough to fully grasp his position and the power it holds, along with the power his subjects hold. His modern views are nice, but he isn’t experienced, which can and has caused tensions and fatal flaws in his rulings.

Tarquin is a good example of a good person, just not entirely fit to rule, which isn’t his fault given Amarantha’s whole “I’m gonna be high queen shtick” with her murdering his parents and relatives, causing him to have to become high lord.

4: Tamlin

Now I just KNOW I’m going to get hate for putting him as fourth on this list, but if the shoe fits 🤷

Tamlin was a decent high lord before Amarantha and Feyre came into the equation. Even when Amarantha came into play, he welcomed in refugees from all over the continent, especially the Summer Court, as if you recall, Alis and her boys were from there. 

Not only that, Tamlin’s people were extremely loyal to him, his emissaries were loyal enough to GO OVER THE WALL AND GET KILLED FOR HIM. That is how loyal they were.

(And another thing, because there were refugees from all over Prythian in the Spring Court, they celebrated other courts’s holidays and traditions, as a form of respect.)

He had reformed the once slavery-ridden court his father ran, effectively destroying the concept and acceptance of slavery. He reformed his court to be nothing like the court his father tan, but more alike to what his mother would’ve approved if she were still living.

However, Tamlin’s easy ability to get manipulated and gaslighted is very troubling and important to include in here. Because of this, his court is falling and his people have become disloyal. His self-destructive, and generally destructive tendencies must also be raised in alarm as he drove his sentries out by shapeshifitng into wild form and becoming a beast. He also was just generally self-destructive and dangerously suicidal when we last saw him.

In the past he was a good high lord, but now? He needs a good healing arc before he can properly rule again. He needs to be able to make himself better than he currently is, meaning in the future he’ll NEED a support system to help him reach that. Until then, he stands at fourth place.

3: Kallias and Viviane 

These two are so politically inclined that it makes me incredibly relieved that some high lord and lady in Prythian is finally getting forcing and regulating laws, not only that, but reviewing previous laws and adjusting them to fit the newer values of the court to part of the people’s values too.

Speaking of their people, they listen to their people and they care, they let their people speak to them trustingly, giving them hope and encouragement that their high lord and lady will listen to their issues and find a viable solution.

They’re both politically strong people given Viviane held the court up on her back for fifty years while Kallias went UTM to help protect and keep a watchful eye on his people and other citizens of Prythian.

They also are decent at making deals and alliances with other courts, which is a very good thing considering how much war this continent goes through on the regular.

But here are their issues:

They have a weak military, as it’s mentioned during the war with Hybern how their forces might be able to hold off Hybern’s forces and help, but that they’re small and not very powerful. This is a very prominent issue as an improper military could lead to the collapse of their entire court.

And with the other courts there are some tensions mentioned? Such as between them and the night court, as Rhysand’s actions UTM were less than pleasant.

With that being said, they would making promising rulers, which is why they take the third spot in the top three for now, this is until we hear any more about their court in future books.

2: Helion

Now Helion and Kallias & Viviane’s spots on this chart could flip flop depending on what he opens in the future books, but until then, this is my placement.

Helion’s court is not only rich in magic, but it’s rich in information. Don’t forget this man being the second oldest high lord. 

Magic is very prominent in the Day Court, the Fay Court itself being the most magically driven court, leading me to assume that’s a large part of the infrastructure and economic system.

But it is also mentioned how the Day Court has the biggest and most libraries in all of Prythian. That is a lot of reading material, meaning a lot of information, which is valuable.

Helion is older and wiser, he’s seen a lot in his days as the High Lord of the Day Court, meaning he’s much more experienced than many of the other high lords. He’s dealt with war before several times and he knows how to handle himself and his court.

That being said, there’s also some not so great parts of him being the High Lord of Day. . .namely his actions.

Sure, Helion is nice, but he’s also incredibly sexual. He can be serious, we’ve seen that, but he is known as the high lord who sleeps around. Not exactly the nicest title to be given. He needs to be able to be more mature sex miss given his age, especially around other diplomats, such as high lords.

In addition, we don’t know much about his military, which is disappointing to me as it’s a large component on whether one’s court can hold its own. Without a proper military, the Day Court could be in shambles. Luckily, it seems like the court does have a good military, it just hasn’t been mentioned. But I’m the future, knowing how efficient his military is would certainly help in my scoring of the Day Court as a whole.

AND FINALLY

1: Thesan

Hear me out, he would be the best candidate for High King of Prythian.

As previously stated, he has a strong military, loyal and dedicated. His husband is literally their general, so he’s constantly well informed on it.

He might not be one of the older of the high lords, but it is implied how he has much expertise politically and morally. 

Another large part of Thesan is how the Dawn Court is known as the most neutral court in Prythian. This is an incredibly important position for his court to be in, as a strong military and strong neutrality is a great defense for his court, not to mention when Dawn helped during the war with Hybern, Dawn’s reinforcements of the Seraphim military were mentioned to have helped push back and eventually defeat Hybern.

Dawn also held the meeting between all the high lords, giving Thesan the upper hand as the host to have executive authority as it’s HIS COURT. 

Their neutrality is incredibly important as it’s kept them out of trouble for most of the series so far, and I sincerely hope SJM keeps it that way. We haven’t gotten to know Thesan and the Dawn Court well enough as they haven’t been mentioned since the war with Hybern.

Also, just personal opinion, gay high king. He would totally legalize gay marriage, prove me wrong.

Again, these are my opinions, and if you’d like to be an ass about them, then click off of this post. This is just what has been on my mind since I’ve seen others on tumblr debating who the High King of Prythian would be.

That’s all for today, Mono out ✌️

[everyoneonthenormandyisgay]

Liara is so babygirl??? and also Mommy?? she'll do a cold read that sends you to therapy and then turn around and go "yeah the little robot has a bowtie and he's my best friend 🥺"

Ms "were you kept as a pet you oversized has been" to "oh I just guessed cause I read Wikipedia articles on pre flight species one time on a rabbit hole search"

I'm kinda obsessed with her "I'm just a girl" energy mixed with the "look at me wrong and I'll cut your throat" vibe she's so weird I love her

[heartorbit]

find another role, carry on the show

[fandomaddictwut]

As someone in the conversion process, I’m blown away every day by how ignorant of their own scripture so many Christians are. They never think to put any of it in historical context, either.

IT WAS LITERALLY ILLEGAL FOR JEWISH PEOPLE IN THEIR ANCESTRAL LAND TO PRACTICE THEIR LAW AND FAITH. The reason they HAD to have Jesus killed BY ROMAN DECREE AND BY ROMAN SOLDIERS is because they literally were not allowed to actually convict anyone or punish them, much less state-sanctioned killing of a convict. ACCORDING TO THEIR OWN SCRIPTURES, the Roman governor had to give the order, AND the orders were carried out ALSO BY ROMANS. Crucifixion was very specifically Roman. Like… I’m pretty sure that crucifixion isn’t even a valid form of execution in Jewish law.

Now, I also find it awfully convenient that the ROMAN Catholic Church (the only church in Western Europe for over a 1000 years and the ones who decided what was in the Christian Bible) also had the Roman governor officially decline responsibility for the proceedings and the Jewish elders absolutely took total spiritual responsibility for such an act and even passed on any and all guilt TO THEIR DESCENDANTS (all Jews, basically).

Antisemitism is baked right in to Christianity, from the very beginning.

can't believe I really just came across someone saying "nono, the JEWS didn't kill jesus, the ZIONISTS killed jesus."

I'm literally laughing. This is histeric. It almost makes it hard to see these antisemites as a serious threat. Almost.

[wereh0gz]

I'm definitely not the only queer person who's kinda wary of Christian ppl they encounter online right?

Like I see a profile that clearly states they're Christian and they post like Bible verses and shit and I'm just. Hoping they're not queerphobic. Or saying some dumbass shit like "hate the sin love the sinner" or whatever while pretending that's not queerphobic

If they're interacting with me first it's pretty safe to assume they're not gonna be like that bc I'm very obviously queer (🏳️‍🌈 + pronouns in bio) but if it's someone who hasn't interacted with me at all I kind of instinctively avoid interacting with them out of fear of them being that way. Y'know

[jungle-fae]

Thank you, I wholeheartedly agree with this. Like you’ve said, Ash’s death to me speaks more to the tragedy of the abuse he suffered so young. It’s not about whether he deserved to die, it’s about whether he was able to live under the circumstances. And it’s unfair and horrible, but when you become as entwined in that kind of life as Ash was, there sometimes isn’t a way out.

Does that mean Ash deserved to die? Of course not. He deserved to heal, he deserved to be happy, he deserved the world after what he went through, especially when his heart remained pure in spite of everything. But as the OP put it, the abuse he suffered forced him into a life of crime, and that life of crime was not so easy to escape.

I still wish it would have ended differently, because I love Ash. The amount of pain he suffered in his short eighteen years of life is unfathomably horrific, and more than anything I wanted to see him happy. But I will not say that Yoshida’s decision to end the story that way was bad, or that it means she believes Ash deserved death. Ash’s death is not narratively insignificant in any way. Do I hate that it ends that way? Yes, with every fiber of my being, but the fact that I hate it so much, the fact that I shed so many tears over this fictional character, exposes the tragedy inherent in Ash’s story. The prolonged abuse that forced him towards gangs and the mafia is also what prevented him from leaving it behind. In that I find a powerful message about the resounding echoes of this kind of repeated, sickening violence.

When Ash dies, we are forced to confront the horrors of his life. Sure, it can be argued that all of Banana Fish forces us to do that, but when we receive the shock of his death, we immediately start creating a chain of events in our head to figure out how he ended up at that point. And through that process, we internalize the ways in which the violence done to him stretched beyond any single moment to touch every aspect of his life. That creates an endless, soul-rending stream of grief because we are left with a deep sense of injustice—he only ended up dying because his life was so irreversibly shaped by his trauma, and no one deserves that. No one deserves to have the ability to choose the course of their own life taken away, but that is the tragedy of Banana Fish. Ash lost that ability so young, and that is a very painful reality to face.

If anything, I would say the only one believing Ash deserved to die for the blood on his hands was Ash himself. I won’t go into detail about this because honestly, I’m not sure whether that was truly what was going through Ash’s head when he made the decision to go to the library. What we do know is that he did struggle with a lot of self-loathing. He often saw himself as a monster because of the people he had killed, the things he had done to survive, and so he could never see himself as Eiji did, or as we did through Yoshida’s story. The people who hurt Ash did so to the point that he believed he wasn’t worthy of healing, that he believed he was only hurting others by being around them, and that is once again an effect of that consistent abuse.

That is what saddens me the most about Ash’s death, that he might have believed he didn’t deserve better, when he did. But we all saw it—we all knew, from the very beginning, that Ash was a kind soul whose life was cruelly domineered by his abusers, and he did deserve to live and heal.

What people seem to constantly misunderstand about what Akimi Yoshida said regarding how Ash couldn't have just gotten away scot-free from his life of crime is that it ISN'T Yoshida saying Ash "deserved" to die. Yoshida frames Ash as a hero from beginning to end. He's shown to be a genuinely good and kind person, that goodness remarked upon again and again by multiple characters, and his death is seen as a tragedy. That should be enough to convince people that Yoshida didn't hate Ash or think he deserved to die. The fact she frames him in such a positive light shows she understands that Ash is a good person that was forced into doing terrible things for his own survival and the survival of others. So this insistence that she thought he deserved to die because she said in some fan-translated interview that he couldn't just walk away from his life of crime, or that there's a price to be paid for murder, is ridiculous. It relies on nothing but assumption about the character of the author.

It's also a problem in fandom, in general, where interviews with authors, in which they're often giving on the spot and half-baked answers to random questions without any prepreation, are given greater credence in interpreting the author's intent than the actual, published work itself. How about letting the work stand on its own and interpret it as is? I've seen so much hate lobbed at Yoshida for supposedly hating Ash or thinking he deserved to die, when the actual story itself does nothing but portray Ash as deeply sympathetic and tragic. Again, no one could read "Banana Fish" with any level of reading comprehension and come away with anything but the impression that Ash is the hero and a good person who's life and death was deeply unfair and unjust. That fact alone should override any answer Yoshida gave in any interview, especially when it's obvious how much Yoshida hates giving interviews and very obviously, intentionally gives half-assed answers that she doesn't put much thought into. It's clear from the work itself that Yoshida has a great love for Ash as a person and as a character. She based his design off of River Phoenix, her favorite actor, she shares her birthday with him, and again, the way she frames Ash and his actions is as that of a hero, from beginning to end. I don't know, maybe it's because she sees Ash as a hero herself?

Ash dying only demonstrates the point further about how child abuse ruined Ash's life. He was led into a life of crime because of the abuse he suffered, and the fact it was that life of crime that led to his eventual death, with it basically being a gang dispute that got him in the end, only further drives home the point of how devastating and ruinous child abuse is. Ash wasn't a criminal because he was a bad person, he was a criminal because the abuse he suffered drove him to become one, and then, eventually, that life of crime he'd been forced to lead came back on him in the form of Lao stabbing him, which is what I think Yoshida actually means when she says Ash couldn't just walk away from the life of crime he'd lived. That inability to walk away further demonstrates the tragedy of the abuse Ash suffered, because it shows how it forced him into doing things which eventually came back to haunt him, things which he couldn't "escape". Lao stabbing Ash was in consequence to his being a gang leader, and his being a gang leader was a result of the abuse he suffered. The two things are interconnected with one another. It's not about Ash deserving to die because of the lives he'd taken, it's about how the life Ash was forced to live as a result of his abuse eventually led to his death. That's where the whole notion of "you live by the sword, you die by the sword" comes from. It's not necessarily a moral condemnation of the person committing acts of violence, but an acknowledgement that violence begets violence. That violence is cyclical. But the fact of Ash's death as a result of his life of crime only further demonstrates the true devastation wrought by the abuse of children, and that's the ultimate point of "Banana Fish's" ending. It's meant to force us to face, through the tragedy of Ash's death, the tragedy of his life in turn.

[juanabaloo]

if you live in the USA and are feeling especially overwhelmed rn, remember we are living through both a modern day civil rights movement (like the 1960s) and a genocide that our govt is funding (like the Holocaust). keep fighting. if you need a break, rest up. take care of yourself. i believe that we will win.

[guesswhosaninja]

do you ever hear the phrase "I was so scared of wasting a day that I nearly wasted my life" and have it haunt you for a month

there are so many times I've felt like I simply lost years, and you'll finally do something and realize you spent six months saying "I should do that soon" without doing anything or "I should get back to that" each day for months on end

[shoplifting]

Laois's party would see post-Shibuya Incident Tokyo as another dungeon. Tokyo Jujutsu Tech students would see the island's dungeon as a vacation.

[paragonrobits]

So the Embers fic I'm thinking of is by a fic writer called Vathara, and I suppose the best way I can describe her work is that at one point in the story, in her author notes she outright claims that the protestors at the Kent State Shooting (a famous event where the national guard opened fire into a crowd of student protesters, killing many) deserved it for antagonizing the cops, and I THINK she referred to the cops as 'the keepers of civilization', which may give you some insight on her politics.

Embers itself is part of a AU continuity focusing on the idea of other bending arts having healing powers in their own right, though most of them were lost over time; this story branches off from canon after Zuko becomes a waterbender as well as a firebender (a concept in the fic where a spiritual wound can result in someone being able to learn another element after a brutal process), which makes him ineligable for Fire Lord, causing the story to completely branch off canon.

I will give it this much; its a well written story, with some very interesting lore and worldbuilding, and i think it was a prominent influence in the fandom for a long time.

However, it certainly has many flaws; its thesis seems to be 'the Fire Nation deserved better' as stated by the author in the first chapter, and there's a big motif about military people being treated better, or implying that the Fire Nation had every right to retaliate after Aang communed with the ocean spirit during the Fire Nation attack on the North, or that it was wrong of Aang to deceive Zuko at the South Pole... the story's biggest issues is a tendency to constantly take Zuko's side and depict him as mature, intelligent and knowing better than everyone else for the most part, and constantly depicting Aang and Katara as childish, immature and in Katara's case, xenophobic and biased against the Fire Nation, and even depicting her as backwards and reactionary. She is outright compared to a mean school girl bullying other girls.

Bear in mind, the fic's major aspects take place around the end of Season 2 and onwards; this is at the same point where Aang is trying to master the Avatar State and they have all gone through a lot of growth. There's a bunch of lorebuilding depicting the Air Nomads as brainwashing their sisters to give up their children at birth (with a lot of emphasis on family ties), and the narrative strongly sides with the Fire Nation, though at least acknowledges the Air Nomad genocide as wrong, even though while Zuko is deeply contrite in a spiritual discussion with Gyatso, he is constantly rude and dismissive towards Aang on the few times they interact directly, and the plot implies that Aang is SUPPOSED to be seen as naive.

Ty Lee here is explicitly an air nomad, but one in hiding and allied with the Fire Nation, because apparently the temple monks will drill ropes into her hands and brainwash her, meaning her ancestors took sides with the Fire Nation, the people who GENOCIDED THE AIR NOMADS. It's a real weird bit.

The story has a LOT of anti-pacifism, to the point where the author criticizes the Air Nomads for their beliefs, at one point stating "respect for life is good and all, but when it comes down to it, check which nations are still standing'.

I will also give it this; it is very much NOT a Zutara fic. It's in a weird position as hitting all the buttons for the kind of atmosphere those fics take, except that Zuko and her do not get together at all, and instead he and Mai are focused on.

It's something i liked a lot back in the day, but as time has gone on its issues are quite glaring and a precursor to the outright Fire Nation apologism we see now.

(Also there's this bit where Kyoshi was a reactionary who banned interracial/national marriages and mixing the elements, which wound up being deeply ironic when canon material later established her as being the child of an Earth Kingdom man and an Air Nomad woman.)

what is embers?

Okay, so, there are (I think) two fics with that same name. One is some super popular one that became a podcast or whatever, never read it, can't speak on it, had it recommended to me a few times but it didn't interest me.

But there was one that I did read and that I'm pretty sure either had the same name or at least had the word Embers in it and it was TRASH! It was one of those weird zutara fics that make the airnomads evil (the fic literally opens with a "the airbenders were not as innocent as Aang would want us to think" kind of line) to justify the Fire Nation genociding them and to go "Aang is a bad person, therefore Katara should marry Zuko instead." It was really, really, REALLY long (and it was either on hiatus or discontinued), and I only managed to stomach around three or four chapters.

I cannot find that one anymore, not even going through my ao3 history (so either I got the name wrong or it was deleted). I highkey don't WANT to find it, and I pity anyone who managed to read it.

[perenlop]

i'm not ok. < just saw the chimera ant finale