#but also jack cannot avoid some blame as well

[h0bbs-a]

i think the concept of abigail having been "dead the whole time" is so interesting because she didn't HAVE to be. there were ways to avoid this, thinking about jackie from y.ellowjackets: she was never going to live, but abigail... she could have if they would've just left her alone.

[mutable-manifestation]

Okay but

imagine it's pre-reveal

The Fenton parents don't know that Danny is Phantom

but they do know about ghosts

Because the Fentons are scientists. Ectobiologists. They study ghosts.

The reason they started going on and on about tearing ghosts apart/hunting them once the portal was open?

It's because in the month or so Danny was figuring out how not to sink through things, his parents were doing science. And figuring out that fighting is a natural part of ghost socialization (via observing animal ghost behaviors & maybe a few probes. Maybe they even visit the zone - you cannot tell me they made a whole entire Specter Speeder for traveling the Zone only to Never Use It).

So when Phantom shows up and deals with all of the other ghosts before they can get to him? That's exciting. Because it seems that he's trying to haunt all of Amity.

That's great. Because ghosts zipping over for a visit is one thing, but the chance to observe a ghost in a location they are actively haunting? Where they - well, not live - but where they dwell? 10/10. They are in science heaven.

Now if he would just stick around long enough to actually fight with them!

See, they don't know exactly how ghosts differentiate between friendly and unfriendly combat. There's a lot of nuance and they can sometimes parse it, but... it's hard to judge exactly how to go about things without more experience.

They figure it would be a slight to be seen as treating the ghost with kid gloves, but they don't want to risk coming across as a real threat just in case they make a misstep and come across as unfriednly - a weak unfriendly and Phantom might still interact with them some. But if they're perceived as strong and unfriendly they might never see him again.

For all that they could track him, Jack and Maddie have no illusions about the sheer infinity of the GZ. If Phantom disappears into it, they could track him, they could follow. But Phantom never has to rest, Jack and Maddie will eventually tire, will have to go home for resources. Better not to chase him off.

So instead, they crank their weapons to the lowest setting and they play up the goofy parts of their personalities and behaviors - things Phantom will hear about them from any other humans that might choose to talk about them. This will avoid their behavior being seen as manufactured, despite the exaggeration being exactly so.

And after one of their more dangerous-to-ghosts weapons (that was made only for emergencies) goes missing after they talk about it with their kids?

They start talking up other More Dangerous Weapons.

Just once, they glimpse the wisp of Phantoms tail disappearing through their lab ceiling with a weapon left behind.

They can hardly contain their glee at yet another point of contact. A race of make-dangerous-weapons vs dismantle-before-they-can-be-used-against-me is it's own type of fight, if more indirect than they'd expected (and, again, even more exciting).

They continue the trend, talking up Super Harsh Weapons and finding them taken apart.

This is great. Not only does it give them a glimpse into the ghosts mind by observing how it takes things apart, but the continued pattern should allow the ghost to build confidence. They continue to prove capable of strength with their designs, but they also prove thwartable with their lax security in addition to their "bumbling" act in public (though Jack will confess he is occasionally Actually That Distracted...)

And it works!

Instead of fleeing on sight, Phantom starts bantering with them!

Only a little, and it's not like they can hear more than a syllable, most of the time, but it's progress!

So on the one side you have ghost-focused Jack & Maddie completely unaware that their son is Phantom (they know he has an ecto sig, they just blame contamination)

And on the other side you have Danny, who is completely convinced that his parents genuinely want to frog-in-biology-class his ghost half, utterly unaware that most of the missed shots are intentional or that the guns have a setting higher than *okay-ish punch*

And then the JL show up. 

It happens like this: the first distress calls from Amity Park are properly addressed. A member of the JLD goes to investigate pretty much immediately, only to find a ghost protecting the place.

The ghost who's signature is all over the city deftly keeps the civilians from harm's way, drawing the aggressive one's attention to unpopulated areas and containing it in short order.

Amity Park already has a capable hero. The city goes on the low-priority list for deeper investigation, "Inviso-bill" goes on the list of potential recruits, and life goes on.

The attack of Pariah Dark, to the outside world, looks like the city domed itself off, then disappeared off of the face of the Earth for approximately five seconds. Time moves differently in the Zone, and the city was barely missed. When it returns, dome absent, the streets and some citizens are wounded but they're... partying?

Amity Park moves up the "further investigation" list, but the JL has bigger things going on than a city of alive and clearly pretty happy people at that point. They let the government handle investigating for the time being, the JL can follow up once their own disasters have been at least relatively managed. (Not long after "Inviso-bill" is updated to "Phantom" - a relief for Paperwork GuyTM, that first name was awful, honestly)

This incident and the following gov't investigation is, of course, what sparks the GIW into being.

The GIW are government run, but they're an off-the-books group. Meta protections are too broad, covering ghosts within their purview. They can be changed and tweaked to suit the new situation, but it will take time they are not willing to wait. Until then, if the GIW is called out on their actions, if they are taken to court, they will be charged as criminals acting of their own accord. Their funding will net additional charges in the form of theft from the government.

Luckily, they know how to work PR.

If they claim to be government run, that alone will decrease the odds of anyone acting. Fake badges, strict adherence to the uniform - they act like the supporting laws are already in place.

And they make use of Jack and Madeleine Fenton.

Anyone who hears them speak knows the two hate ghosts. Despite this, they claim to be scientist as well as hunters. The GIW take this and run, dedicating resources to drawing up papers on ghosts describing them as evil, non-sentient, incapable of pain or emotion, a danger to the public.

And they publish it all in the name of the Drs Fenton.

The couple seemed scatter-brained enough to forget publishing something, and even if they did notice the discrepancy they wouldn't know to trace it back to the GIW.

With science like that backing them, even the hardcore bleeding hearts likely wouldn't imagine that ghosts might be covered by the Meta Protection Acts.

It may have even worked, if the articles hadn't pinged the JL's systems so hard they called an emergency meeting.

Nothing pings the "something is horribly wrong" button like several supposedly scientific articles detailing how a specific species actually doesn't deserve rights whilst feeling the need to emphasize that they actually aren't sapient or even sentient. The paper doth protest too much and all that.

Things cascade from there.

A quick bit of research reveals a video of the Drs Fenton is a heavily modded vehicle chasing and shooting at a staticky blur while yelling about tearing it apart molecule by molecule.

Another quick search reveals some of their accomplishments - namely, a business website for Fenton Works showing the smiling couple and their two children posing by what looks like an upright Lazarus Pit, but is actually, Constantine assures them, just a portal to hell. (Okay, so he actually said "the afterlife" but part of that would be hell, so the Flash isn't very comforted by the semantics of it all)

To compare the JLD to a hornet's nest that's been used as the ball in a game of soccer would be generous.

News in the afterlife travels slowly, ever so slowly. By the time they find out that the High King of Infinite Realms has been replaced? That the evil but unquestionably absurdly powerful previous king had been defeated in single combat?

It's probably been a month, at least.

Probably.

Probably. Because the only way they can measure is judging by how many "heard it from XYZ's" Deadman lists before he actually tells them what he heard.

It's awful news, because the old king was locked into an eternal slumber for being too evil and powerful.

Meaning the new guy is both

Powerful enough to kick the old kings ass by himself, making him at least as strong as (but more likely stronger than) 7 ancients combined

Nuts enough to intentionally free Pariah Dark

So the JLD has spent their time since trying to learn more - which has been a nightmare since the new king is either New new, or the most reclusive mf in the damn Infinite Realms.

Or the inherently infinite nature of the realms is just working against their ability to information gather, but they're all very irritated by how many attempts at information have failed after how much effort they've put in for net zero returns in information.

And then they find out that a couple of randos in middle-of-nowhere Illinois ripped a hole into the guys' domain.

And then

And THEN! Promptly started trying to declare his whole species as less intelligent than a rock! And encouraging people to HUNT THEM!?

Even if the new king is peaceful - which is a Very Hopeful sort of "if" given how he got the title - that kind of behavior could be grounds for war.

And listen, if they thought Earth vs alien war might be bad? The US versus every single creature that has ever died would be infinitely worse (no that was not a pun and now Zatanna is looking at Flash like she wants to strangle him).

So the priorities now are: Make the Fentons Stop Doing THAT and prevent the new High King from deciding war with the US (or the whole Earth. Or the entirety of the living realm. Just. Depending on how he takes the slights being leveled against him. Ya know).

Which is how Batman, Superman, and Wonderwoman (each with possession-deterring stuff cast/carried on them courtesy their Dark members) end up at Fenton Works while the JLD themselves work on trying to summon the new king to meet/mitigate/appease depending on what he knows and how he behaves. (VERY HARD since the summoning circle changes depending on the king - there isn't just a "summon king" circle. Someone should really get on that, Constantine thinks, exhausted already - so they have to kind of try a few different things to see what sticks).

They're hoping the reputation of the Big Three will shock-and-awe the Fentons enough to make them more receptive to what they have to say - very important given that what they have to say is "all of your research is wrong we need you to retract these paper and stop hunting ghosts" - ie throw away what is apparently their life's work)

They go as soon as the meeting is over, arriving in the early morning given that they pulled an overnighter to have the meeting.

Which is how they end up sucked into a whirlwind of hospitality on arrival, shuffled in between the Fenton children to have breakfast with the family while the adults regaled them with talk of their inventions.

The daughter - Jazz - tries to deter them with a "no weapons talk during meals" rule, but Jack waves it away with a "But it's Batman! How many times do you get a chance to talk tech with Batman, Jazzybear!"

The girl looks doubtful, but drops it. She and her brother - Danny - had greeted them with paper-thin enthusiasm.

More likely than not, Bruce guesses, they can tell that their visit isn't the good thing their parents seem to believe it is.

"I will not deny that your weapons are impressive," Batman starts after wiping his mouth. "However-" and the word is sharp, necessary to prevent the overly exuberant couple from delving into another longwinded aside before he can finish speaking "-that is not why we're here."

"We are here for several reasons," he begins again after a brief dramatic pause. "None of them pleasant."

The children tense as he pulls a stack of papers out of his cape and slides them across the table to their parents.

"But let's start with these."

He is expecting another exclamation of delight, for the children to be ushered out or for the three of them to be ushered to their lab to talk about their papers more in-depth.

He is not expecting them to hunch over the papers with furrow-browed confusion, followed by shock, followed then by a swiftly growing cascade of anger-outrage-fury.

"What..." Jack Fenton frowns, trailing off in a quiet way that leaves his, for the first time since their arrival, coming across as huge and threatening instead of the till-then golden retriever energy of it.

"We didn't write this!" Madeleine "Maddie" Fenton shrieks, flipping rapidly through the next few dozen pages before both of them freeze.

"NONSENTIENT!?" they bellow, both standing to lean closer over the pages, expressions scornful.

Batman clears his throat a few pages later, drawing their attention back to him.

"We didn't write this," Maddie repeats, voice calm despite the unchanged expression.

"We haven't even finished our first paper yet!" Jack chimes in, nodding sadly. "We're still gathering data!"

"...You haven't?"

Jazz Fenton's voice is small, but it cuts through the room like a knife.

Jack is the one to reply.

"Of course not, Jazzerincess! Science takes data, and the ghosts are so skiddish we can barely interact with them! Any real paper on the topic is going to take time; the portal's only been open for a few months!"

His face is earnest, voice back to nearly booming in his enthusiasm, dulled just slightly by concern.

"Where did you get an idea like that?" Maddie asks.

""Your" papers are all over the GIW web portal. Which everyone who doesn't want to be surprised by one of their "patrols" checks at least once a week," Danny chimes in for the first time all morning, discounting the half-conscious 'mornin' when they were first dragged to the table.

His voice is tight, expression hesitant. "Doesn't help that everything they say is pretty much the same stuff you usually yell at Phantom."

At this moment, the Fenton parents are stricken with horror as they realize that they never discussed their plans with their children. They've heard every threat to the ghosts and they've heard them talk about how their weapons work, but neither of them can recall ever sitting them down somewhere secure and explaining that they're trying to get Phantom to interact with them by seeming friendly.

Never explained to them that fighting is a play behavior for ghosts. And with the articles...

They don't have long to fret over what their children must think of them - ethically or academically - as Batman cuts in again.

"Phantom is another part of why we're here, actually," he says. "Whether you wrote the paper or not, that you've been seen hunting your city’s hero and declaring intentions to experiment on him is still a large issue."

"Ah." Maddie says. "Jack, sweetie, would you get the sweep shield?"

Batman tenses as he moves for the fridge.

"Just a precaution, so we can talk without risk of a ghost overhearing," she hurries to add. "We...probably should have talked about this before. With the kids. Maybe then this-" she brushes a hand through the pile of supposedly-fake articles "-wouldn't have gone so far."

The children exchange a look.

"Talked...about Phantom?" Jazz asks.

Just then a click emerges from where Jack is burried half into the refrigerator, a green energy sweeping out and out and out until it can only be seen out the window, just barely infringing on the sidewalks.

At least until they start closing up the curtains.

Then another button has steel shutters sliding down to close off the kitchen.

Superman taps his knee, a reassurance that he can see out just fine and break the barriers as needed, and Bruce allows himself to relax a smidge. But only a smidge.

For their part, the children are incredibly tense, even when their parents break out a whiteboard and projector, starting up a PowerPoint presentation.

What follows is a breakdown of everything they've learned about ghosts thus far. Every bit of what they know is learned from noninvasive observation, and the numerous slides on social behaviors - really, most of them - are what make him certain that they were telling the truth about the papers.

You don't do social analyses on the behaviors of a species if you don't believe they are capable of such behaviors.

"If you know that ghosts are people then what was all that about tearing Phantom apart molecule-by-molecule!?" Danny shouts, throwing up his hands in exasperation.

For her part, Jazz remains still, blinking rapidly in what looks a bit like shock.

"Didn't you see slides 41-147, Danno? Fighting is a social behavior for ghosts!" Jack exclaims. "Uh, sometimes."

"The exact nuance can be hard to pick up on," Maddie adds, "But our main goal since Phantom started showing up regularly has been to try and lure Phantom into social combat so that we can observe him more closely."

"Maybe he'll even talk to us!" Jack shouts, punching the air.

"Eventually," Maddie emphasizes, patting his arm. "And it's a very loose maybe. It's taken forever just to encourage him to dismantle some of our weapons. It is working, and he's been slightly more chatty with us before running away, but it's slow going."

"...Encouraging him to dismantle your weapons how?" Superman asks.

He regrets it, just a bit, when they pull out a new PowerPoint presentation. They've already been here for hours. The Fentons fed them all Lunch a little over halfway through the first one.

Still, the new one is mercifully brief.

They explain their suspicions about Phantom snooping on them, about finding a weapon dismantle and talking up more weapons. Finding more dismantled. They even charted out weapon type vs time they talked about it vs how long before it was taken apart vs which ones disappeared entirely.

One slide is a graph of how long Phantom has lingered after fights before running away from them over time. Another charts how many syllables he says before bolting over time.

Another about the kind of hits he's taken vs given in attempts to graph his physical strength and durability. Other attributes fill further slides.

One slides includes the rules of their experiment - talking like they hate the ghost, pretending to be aggressive, pretending to miss, keeping their guns on the lowest setting.

A baptized cat would have a less offended expression than Danny Fenton at that moment, Batman thinks.

One slide is dedicated to a brief essay on Phantom's complete and immediate avoidance of them for a solid week after they accidentally clipped him once.

"Why didn't you ever tell us any of this?" Jazz asks.

"Well at first we didn't want to risk Phantom overhearing and taking offense. By the time we had the sweep shield it just... slipped our minds. You and Danny were both so uninterested in ghosts by then and... I suppose it never occurred to us how things might've seemed from your perspectives," Maddie answered, leaning against Jack's side, both looking contrite.

"What, that our parents were genocidal maniacs hellbent on torturing and experimenting on people?"

Danny mutters it under his breath, but in the otherwise silent room it practically echoes.

The two look stricken, eyes tearing up. Maddie covers her mouth with a hand and clutches her husband with the other as he hugs her.

Jazz winces, but only nods, damningly, when they glance her way.

The litany apologies and hugs that follow leave the children a mixture of relieved, embarrassed, and resigned - though the last seems to be aimed at their parents’ assurance that they will “give them regular updates on their research goals and progress from now on.”

***

I have been simmering this plotline since the post went up like two days ago

Part 2 incoming tomorrow or the next day most likely, this is only a fraction of the extent to which my my has been triggered, but I got IRL Obligations (bleh) & I don't want to lose my place so I'm just posting this for now

So, I have a new headcanon where, after tailing Phantom for a while, Danny's parents have learned enough to realize that they were wrong. They still chase him though, but instead of chasing him to capture him and tear him apart, it's more a game at this point.

Like Phantom will get away and Jack would hop out of the RV and playfully shake his fist going, "Ah, you got us again, Ghost Boy!"

But other heroes confuse Phantom and the Fenton parents having fun for a Feb ton parents hunting him down for malicious reasons.

The Fenton's turn their blasters down so far that they only feel like a soft punch. Their tech looks the exact same as before but now it's akin to a lazer tag gun and not a bazooka.

[astermacguffin]

I've never really understood the mechanics of Sam's Hell Trauma, specifically on how Cas "transferred" it to himself in Born Again Identity. Like, Sam clearly still remembers what happened to him in the Cage (since they do get referenced/alluded to in later seasons with regards to his interactions with Lucifer), so what Cas seemed to have absorbed is only the hallucinations and the "metaphysical trauma" inflicted on Sam.

The question then becomes: "What's causing this metaphysical trauma?" My headcanon is that Lucifer's leftover grace has been marinating within Sam this entire time. Since angels are beings of intent and Lucifer very much bears malice towards Sam, this leftover grace has exacerbated the metaphysical damage to his soul.

I like this interpretation because it has evidential support from canon (angels do leave some grace within the vessels they occupy), plus it explains why Castiel, an angel, could be similarly affected by human trauma (because it's not normal trauma, and the archangel grace overpowers his own grace).

I also like how this interpretation colors so much of Cas' interactions with other entities in the future:

Meg feels gravitated towards Cas for some reason that she cannot explain. She feels relieved when she discovers the thing about Lucifer's grace, because she very much prefers that explanation over the alternative: that she's starting to feel affection towards Cas (which is totally what's happening, but she'll stick with the plausible deniability, thank you very much).

Hester's "You have Fallen in every way imaginable" holds so much more weight when you consider the fact that Cas is tainted by the grace of the Fallen One. Actually, all of the Castiel-Lucifer parallels get bass boosted by this interpretation.

Lucifer later makes a quip about it when he reveals himself possessing Cas, like how the vessel somehow "recognizes" him, maybe even welcomed him. Something with Lucifer trying to blame Sam about the fact that Cas' body was a viable vessel because of the trauma transfer.

The label "God's favorite" is used in S11 interchangeably to refer to either Castiel or Lucifer. Amara torturing Casifer and calling him the said label would blur the lines even better.

Cas taking custody of Jack becomes simultaneously hilarious and thematically potent. Cas would totally taunt Lucifer with it, citing that he "technically shares grace with Jack" and can therefore be justifiably called his grace-father as well.

This interpretation is also pivotal in the S14 AU in my head where Cas gives up his grace to heal Jack. Tainted by the tiniest bit of archangel grace, it technically works. This does two things: (1) it makes Cas human and invalidates the Empty deal, and (2) it avoids the need for Jack to burn off his soul, thereby preventing the chaos of S15.

[blood-sucking-whore]

Gender in Killing Eve and Hannibal (TV Series)

WARNING: LONG TEXTPOST!!!

(pls tell me ur thoughts)

Both Killing Eve and Hannibal feature characters who perform gender (or don’t) in particularly interesting ways.  Killing Eve’s subversion of female gender roles is rich and complex, especially for a crime drama - a very male dominated genre.  In crime shows, female characters are typically either non-existent, or badly written props for insufferable male protagonists.

The women of K.E. (namely Villanelle and Eve) are not only extremely intelligent and driven, but have a sensitively-described moral greyness.  It is fascinating to see both women’s moralities evolve throughout the series, especially in relation to each other.  

There are consequences to their actions, but the writers allow them to do bad things, to be bad people.  It is refreshing to see ‘strong women’ written in this way: they don’t have to make women look ‘good.’  Often this moral flexibility is only tolerated from male characters.  

That’s not to say that Villanelle and Eve are never vulnerable.  They are people: their worth as characters cannot be based on filling the age-old mold of cold, dull, emotionless male detective characters.  Eve is manipulated by her employers, by Villanelle, affected by the death of her friends, and is a victim to her own guilt.  Villanelle, similarly, is subject to the needs of her employers, is orphaned, and is overall dysfunctional.  

This inhibits their control of their own situations.  But both characters make decisions, and take power for themselves.  And while their intentions are muddied along the way, they both keep fighting for something, even if it's just for themselves and each other.

The two central characters of Hannibal, Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter, exhibit a similar relationship to that of Eve and Villanelle.  While they (Will especially) don’t flout the rules of gender as decisively as Villanelle, for example, they also are not typical male crime protagonists.

Will Graham is vulnerable, quiet, and uncomfortable with power.  And, unlike other male underdog characters, this isolation isn’t resolved by, or blamed on a woman.  These descriptors apply most obviously in the first season, but even through Will’s development, he doesn’t exactly become masculine or powerful (at least in the traditional way.)  He is consistently affected by mental illness, which is sensitively depicted, and (character-wise) is sympathetic to other mentally ill characters.  This is a point of weakness which is constantly exploited by other characters such as Jack and Hannibal.

Hannibal, on the other hand, is not very vulnerable (until he becomes more sympathetic to Will.) He is always in control, always able to manipulate the situation to his advantage.  But even he isn’t exactly masculine.  He enjoys art and music, and even through murder, is opulent and flamboyant.  

This is easily comparable to Villanelle’s (fashion, visuals, performance) 

Both Hannibal and Will are very clearly queercoded, and in a relationship that can’t really be described as platonic.  Scenes with them are written, acted, and framed in an intimate way.  Even when stabbing each other, there is romantic tension. This is a union between two people who understand each others’ deepest, most hidden nature. 

I am hesitant to compare murder entirely to queerness, because of how this has been used to suggest evil inherent to queer people.  But murder, and wanting to murder, is sensitively and subtly compared to the way queerness is viewed by society, and to an extent how it can be experienced by queer people and their own self-discovery.  The way both characters talk about murder is intensely intimate.  And Will’s development as a murderer, and someone who understands murder, is parallel to his evolving relationship with Hannibal.

Villanelle and Eve are canonically bisexual, and have scenes that are clearly romantic.  They share a similarly obsessive relationship.  It is endlessly entertaining to watch this relationship play out.  It is infinitely toxic, as opposed the clean, unpassionate lesbian romances we’re used to seeing on TV.  It’s also not an oversexualised, voyeuristic male fantasy.  

TV writers need to stop avoiding making queer characters that are bland, moral, nice and boring for fear of making something problematic.  That’s just lazy writing, and it’s up to them to write these characters well.  I am tired of clean, easy ‘girl power’ types, or tick-box diversity.

Another interesting facet of gender performance in the two shows is fashion and costume design.  In particular, Villanelle’s penchant for two or three piece suits is considerably masculine, but not a masculinity typically performed by men in crime shows.  She chooses fashion outside of the default, minimal idea of masculinity, and embodies gender performativity.  

However, Villanelle is just as likely to wear overly feminine clothing (eg. pink tulle dress, black tulle dress) in a way that is just as deliberate and theatrical.  She is fully aware of herself and how she is perceived, and is able to manipulate and enjoy it.  This is an especially enjoyable rebuttal to the ‘beautiful but doesn’t know it’ trope, which I despise.  Her self-confidence is not granted by a man: she seizes it herself. 

Eve is almost the opposite of this.  She wears very neutral, almost utilitarian clothing throughout the show, and rarely considers what she wears, except when she has to.  But this doesn't give way to the aforementioned display of female insecurity.  Both women show a performance of womanhood that is unconventional on TV.  What I think causes this is that the male gaze is rarely applied to either woman.

Will and Hannibal have somewhat of a similar visual comparison to Eve and Villanelle, simply: Hannibal is very attentive to his clothing,  Will, for most of the series, is not.  Hannibal, despite dressing in typically masculine clothing: three piece suits, does it much more deliberately and precisely than many masculine male TV characters.  Will’s clothing is perhaps a choice, less by him than the writers, to make him seem unthreatening and unaware.  This changes in the third season when Will begins to wear fitted suits, and seems to brush his hair more often.  

Some interpret this as Will mirroring Hannibal, but it could be read as Will rivalling Hannibal.  Hannibal was able to, quite literally, keep up appearances of himself as competent, sane and respectable.  He asserts himself as Will’s superior.  However, Will understands that maintaining his appearances is beneficial to him, and shows the viewers, and Hannibal, that he understands the way he works.  He is, by season three, no longer a vulnerable stray, but not a ruthless, efficient killer.

Both series display complex, well written characters: and this is their strength.  But I do wish the writers of Hannibal had developed their female characters better.  

[narraboths]

[Bodyguard AU, inspired by revisiting @battenthecrosshatches‘s exquisite sketches. Fic also on Ao3.]

Lena can’t stand Sergeant Danvers.

She can’t stand any of her PPOs, frankly. It’s always the same humorless face, the same square jaw and shorn hair, the same cheap cologne, and inescapably, the same thinly veiled disgust for her name.

(At least they only get to spit out her title or the usual ma’am, instead of Luthor, like the rest of the country.)

But there’s something especially irksome about Danvers.

In many ways, she’s cut from the same cloth as the others: the towering, bulky physique, the hard-set features, the air of indifference, the only distinguishing mark being that she’s just handsome enough for Lena to have let her eyes wander for a second too long when they’ve first met.

It’s not that, though. 

(Or not just that, anyway.) 

It’s the dark, morose look in those ridiculously blue eyes, the haughty twitch of her lips every time she opens the car door for Lena. It’s the rigid, tense way Danvers carries herself, somehow both unnerving and magnetic, drawing Lena’s eye to her whenever she enters the room. It’s the way she just has to know better than any other bodyguard how to protect her and make every aspect of Lena’s life harder in the process, and then have the audacity to take all her reproachful looks with a stiff upper lip and a just doing my job, ma’am. It’s the fact that she does make Lena feel more safe, somehow, and cared for, too, in some odd, itchy way.

Lena cannot stand it.

–

In retrospect, she thinks she has the right to blame the incident at the studio on Sergeant Danvers, too. 

The bodyguard is standing by the door, monitoring the room like a sullen statue, and Lena’s decidedly trying not to look her way as she’s flipping through her papers. She’s wound up enough as it is, having to stand in for a major interview at the last minute and defend a controversial bill. She doesn’t need Sourface Danvers to aggravate it.

She’s not looking, then, as Jack is buzzing in her ear with his pep talk, a kind and gentle tone, nor when an assistant floats by with a three minutes and we can go to the studio, ma’am.

But she does look up when Eve strides into the room with a peppy exclamation of “Your coffee!”, the cup already enthusiastically extended towards Lena. She does look up, and by some freakish twist of fate, catches Sergeant Danvers looking right at her with the sort of searing intensity that makes Lena’s heart skip a beat, and her hand knocks a bit too forcefully against the cup in Eve’s hand, and–

“Fuck!”

The coffee stain spreads rapidly across her blouse, and Lena instinctively sucks her stomach in to avoid scorching herself too. Eve’s already dabbing away at it, babbling a nervous mantra of “Oh gosh, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry”, the fussing making Lena grasp the extent of the disaster more swiftly than the sight of the brown stain on the white silk.

“Stop it,” she grits out, springing up and away from Eve. She stares down at her blouse again, her nails digging hard into her palm. Luck of the Luthors. “Do we have anything I could change into?”

“There’s a spare in the car,” Eve says, slightly trembling. “But you’re on in like–”

“Can’t you give her your blouse?” Jack tries, and Lena shakes her head with an eyeroll.

“It’d never fit. God fucking–”

A pair of wide shoulders move into her view before she could finish, Danvers shrugging off her jacket and tossing aside her tie as she starts to unbutton her own shirt.

“Fresh on this morning, ma’am.”

“You can’t be serious,” Jack laughs, a nervous tinge in his voice, and Danvers only spares a glance for him before she extends the garment towards Lena.

“It’s altered to fit over my ballistic vest, so the chest to waist ratio should be compatible.” Practical, dispassionate, life-saving. It must only be due to the shock of the situation that Lena allows her eyes to linger on the exposed skin of the officer’s shoulders, the flexing biceps of her extended arm. Danvers shows no awareness of being ogled. “But you’re gonna have to tuck it under your blazer, ma’am.”

One heartbeat passes, then another. Then Lena reaches out and takes the shirt from Danvers, her fingers brushing over the bodyguard’s hand without meaning to.

“Thank you, Sergeant,” Lena says, but the words come out breathless, somehow. Danvers only blinks, then gives a curt nod, thoroughly unmoved, and that helps Lena find her footing again. “Eve, organize Sergeant Danvers a new shirt. Jack, some privacy?”

Eve is scuttling away already and Jack follows her, too, though not without flashing an all too cheeky smile. Lena resists throwing her papers after him. She reaches for the hem of her blouse, and Danvers is already turning away, stuffing her tie into her pockets and putting her jacket over her now-exposed vest. A most infuriating knight in shining white body armor.

As she hurriedly buttons up the shirt and adjusts the sleeves, Lena tries to shut out every new sensation surrounding her with it. It proves to be an uphill battle. There’s a hint of something around the collar, citrusy, slightly sweet, though not terribly intrusive. Pleasant, even. Much worse is the lingering warmth of its previous wearer, wrapping itself around Lena and clinging stubbornly even when she’s in the interviewer’s chair like an invisible cloak, like a hug that could never be.

The interview goes well. Amazingly, frighteningly, "Press Secretary Grant sending an unprecedented well done text two minutes after airing” kinda well. But when they’re back in the car and Lena catches herself pressing her face into the collar of that shirt and inhaling deeply, the tension in her shoulder that just dissipated returns tenfold.

Sergeant Danvers is nothing but trouble.

[ljones41]

"The Deconstruction of Dr. Jack Shephard"

"THE DECONSTRUCTION OF DR. JACK SHEPHARD" I have a confession to make. I must be one of the few fans of the ABC series "LOST" (2004-2010) who did not dislike the series' lead character, Dr. Jack Shephard. Before anyone makes the assumption that he is a favorite character of mine, let me make one thing clear. He is not. But for some strange reason, I never disliked Jack.  I still do not.

Throughout most of the series’ run, many "LOST" fans had consistently ranted against Jack’s faults. Mind you, he was not the only flawed character in the series. In fact, most of the major characters seemed to possess some very serious flaws. Jack Shephard seemed to be one of very few characters that had drawn a considerable amount of ire from the fans. I do not know why he was been specifically targeted by these fans. But I cannot help but wonder if the combination of Jack’s role as the series' lead character and his flawed personality had set fans against him. Now, someone might claim that my last remark sounds ridiculous. As I had earlier pointed out, most of the major characters are also seriously flawed or have committed some serious crimes. Extremely flawed characters like John Locke, Jin Kwon, Michael Dawson, Kate Austen, Miles Strume, Ana-Lucia Cortez, Charlie Pace, Sayid Jarrah, James "Sawyer" Ford, Sun Kwon, Boone Carlyle, Mr. Eko, Juliet Burke and Shannon Rutherford. Hell, the list was practically endless. And yet, the only other character who had received as much criticism or hate as Jack was Ana-Lucia Cortez. Why? Well, I have my theories. Both Jack and Ana-Lucia had assumed leadership among the castaways at one time or the other, due to their personalities, circumstances and professions. Ana-Lucia assumed leadership of the Tail Section passengers that crashed on one side of the island and remained stuck there for forty-eight (48) days. Since Day One of the Oceanic 815 crash, Ana-Lucia had stepped up and utilized her skills as a police officer to save lives and make decisions when no one else would. Jack, a spinal surgeon, did the same with the surviving passengers from the Fuselage Section on the other side of the island. In one early Season One episode, (1.05) "White Rabbit", he seemed willing to back away from the role of leader, until John Locke convinced him to resume it. Jack remained the leader even after Ana-Lucia and the remaining Tail Section passengers joined the Fuselage camp by the end of Season Two’s (2.08) "Collision". And it was not until after his departure from the island in the Season Four finale, (4.13/4.14) "There's No Place Like Home, Part II" with Hugo "Hurley" Reyes, Sun Kwon, Sayid Jurrah, Kate Austen and Aaron Littleton (the Oceanic Six) that he finally relinquished the position. Recalling the above made me realize something. Human beings – for some reason or other – expect leaders to know everything and always do the right thing. Always. And without fail. Humans seemed to have little tolerance toward the imperfections of our leaders. This certainly seemed to be the case for fictional characters who are leaders. And many fans of "LOST" had harbored a deep lack of tolerance toward Jack and Ana-Lucia’s personal failings. In the case of the former L.A.P.D. police officer, many fans had complained of Ana-Lucia's aggressive personality. They also accused her of being a bitch. In other words, being aggressive and hard – traits many have claimed are more suited for a man - is a sure sign that a woman is a bitch. And unlike other female characters on the series, Ana-Lucia lacked the svelte, feminine looks prevalent in productions such as the 2001-2003 "LORD OF THE RINGS" saga. Actually, gender (and racial) politics may have played a role in the fans' opinion of Jack. His main crime seemed to be that he did not fit the image of a heroic leading white male character. Physically, he looked the part. Unfortunately for Jack, he had failed to live up to those looks. He made the wrong choices on several occasions – choices that included his decision to continue Daniel Farraday's plan to set off the nuclear bomb Jughead in the Season Five finale, (5.16/5.17) "The Incident". It is interesting that many fans had dumped most the blame upon Jack’s shoulders regarding that bomb. And he was partially to blame. But those same fans had failed to remember it was Daniel Faraday who had first insisted upon setting off the bomb to reset time back to the day of Flight 815’s crash – September 22, 2004. And they also failed to recall that Dr. Juliet Burke's decision to set off the bomb for her own reasons was the final action that led to her death. Many had accused Jack of failing to be a proper parent figure to his nephew, Aaron Littleton, during his three years off the island. And at the same time, many had praised Kate Austen for pretending to be the boy’s mother. I found this rather perverse and a little disgusting, considering that Kate had set in motion the lie about her being Aaron’s mother. Jack (along with the remaining members of the Oceanic Six) was guilty of supporting Kate’s lie. But instead of criticizing both for lying about Aaron and keeping him from his Australian grandmother Carole Littleton for nearly three years, many fans had criticized Jack for not being an effective father figure to Aaron and praised a kidnapper like Kate for being a good mother. Ah, the ironies of life. Many fans had accused Jack of being emotionally abusive toward Kate. And yes, they would have every reason to criticize his behavior in episodes like (1.11) “All the Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues”. But Kate’s own behavior in episodes like (1.12) “Whatever the Case May Be”, which featured her constant lies and attempts to manipulate him and others, occasionally triggered his temper. If one character is going to be criticized for the situations I have previously described, the other character involved should be criticized for his or her own questionable behavior. Some of Jack's other mistakes included sanctioning Sayid’s torture of Sawyer, failure to organize a genuine search for the only child passenger from Oceanic 815′s Fuselage Section, the kidnapped Walt Lloyd, instigating that ludicrous search for Walt’s dad Michael Dawson and communicating with Martin Keamy and the other hired mercenaries aboard the S.S. Kahana. Yet, he had received more complaints about his relationship with Kate, along with his tendencies to get emotional and shed tears than for anything else. Once again, many “LOST”  fans managed to prove that we still live in a patriarchal society. It was okay for female characters to shed tears in very emotional moments, but not male characters. Especially if that one male character happened to be the series’ leading character. Jack's penchant for tears was not the only sign of how some fans can be hypocritical. I have written articles criticizing some of the series' other characters. Most of my articles have criticized Kate Austen. I will be honest. I used to dislike Kate very much. However, my dislike of her has finally abated - somewhat. Most of my dislike had stemmed from her past flaky behavior and especially from the fans’ tendency to excuse her mistakes and crimes . . . or pretend that she had never done anything wrong. However, Kate was not the only character given this leeway. James “Sawyer” Ford had murdered three people – one in Australia and two on the island - within a space of two to three months. Yet, many fans had made constant excuses for his actions. I never disliked Sawyer.  But I have complained about his flaws, mistakes and crimes on numerous occasions. When I did, many fans had pretended that he had done anything wrong. And to this day, I still find this frustrating. Sometime back in Season Two or Season Three, actor Matthew Fox and the show’s producers, Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof, made it known to the media and viewers that they were doing something different with the Jack Shephard character. They took a superficially heroic type – a brilliant surgeon that assumed leadership of a group of stranded castaways – and deconstructed him. In other words, they slowly but surely exposed his flaws and took the character to what could be viewed as the nadir of his existence. Jack eventually climbed out of that existence by the series’ last season.  But certain fans on  many "LOST" message boards and forums made it clear this was not a path they had wanted Jack to take. Instead, these fans had wanted – or demanded that Jack behave like a conventional hero. During most of Season Six, Jack had managed to avoid indulging in self-destructive behavior. He also refrained from displaying any inclination to pursue a romance with Kate. The worst he had done was engage in a temper tantrum over his discovery that the island’s spiritual "man" Jacob had been observing and possibly interfering in the lives of several castaways. Another personality change I noticed was that he had passively allowed others to take the lead without questioning their decisions. I must be honest. I never liked that particular period in Jack's emotional makeup.  It made him seem like a mindless moron. Did Jack finally become the hero that so many had demanded, when he saved the island in the series finale?  Apparently, those responsible for the Emmy nominations believed he had. Why else did they finally nominate Matthew Fox for a Best Actor in a Drama award, after the series' final season. Mind you, Fox had been giving outstanding performances since the first season. But when Jack finally became a likable and somewhat conventional hero, they deemed Fox worthy of an Emmy nomination. Dear God. Personally, I never did care about Jack Shephard's status as a hero. Nor did I really care for his passive behavior in Season Six. But I did hope that he had  finally discovered some inner peace for himself. And I believe that he did during the series’ final moments.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

I’m rewording some parts A bit angst request How about a situation in which MC breaks up with Dorm heads (Malleus, Leona, Vil and Azul)? Saying that “I cannot handle you anymore. All these rules, laziness, weirdoness etc” How would they react? It would be a lot worse in dorm heads wanted to go phase 2 or 3 with MC Gender: she/her (preferred but they/them is also okay) Thank you for the feedback and have a nice day

***Warning: spoilers for SR Malleus Lab Coat personal stories.***

Curiouser and Curiouser...

“I’m sorry. I just can’t do this anymore...I think we need to break up.”

Vil Schoenheit...

...thinks he must have misheard you.

You repeat it--that he is too demanding of you, too obsessed with maintaining a perfect image in the public eye. It tires you, always having to meet his high expectations and having to pretend to be happy so he can keep up his facade.

Vil gives a cold, high-pitched laugh.

“So that’s it? You’re dumping me, little potato?” His words drip with venom. “Fine. I won’t waste any more of my precious time entertaining you. Go on then--out of my sight!”

He is very bitter about the breakup after the fact--always turning his head away when you’re in the room or wrinkling his nose when you make eye contact.

Vil has enough class to avoid “getting back” at you by spreading nasty rumors--though he will vent to Rook about his love troubles.

The type to be petty to you in person, but will also cry into a tub of ice-cream in private while drowning in self pity. Will passive aggressively talk about you to his 5 million MagiCam followers, but remains vague/”courteous” enough to never bring up your name.

Vil is broken, like a shattered mirror missing various fragments.

Leona Kingscholar...

...becomes angry--no, livid.

He immediately jumps to conclusions. Leona is a lion wounded--but instead of tucking his tail between his legs and whimpering, he lashes out,

“Have you found someone else? Is that it?! Who it is? Don’t tell me it’s Jack. That damn dog has always been trailing after you like a lovesick pup. No, wait--Ruggie? If it is, I’m going to kick his ass. Oi! Look at your king when he is talking to you, herbivore! Who is it?!”

You correct Leona by saying that he has no one to blame but himself. He is stubborn, lazy, and arrogant--you are fed up with such childish behavior! He’s like, what? 20? He should be more mature!

You get into a huge argument that results in you storming out.

Leona goes on a rampage in the night.

The other Savanaclaw students are too terrified to check up on him. When Ruggie comes to wake up Leona the next morning, he finds the room in chaos. Fabric shredded, pots smashed.

Having lost your heart, Leona is king of nothing now.

Azul Ashengrotto...

...becomes very, very emotional.

He swaps between cold rage and being a blubbering, teary-eyed mess.

He has done everything he can to make you happy, hasn’t he? He has given you so much, shown you his vulnerable side...so why? Why are you leaving him?

You point out that Azul’s shady business dealings are becoming too much. It’s morally wrong to cheat others like that! Not to mention that he is also so greedy, so possessive...he constantly has the twins checking up on you!

“...Fine. I see your point. If you do not see yourself being happy at my side, then leave. They all leave eventually--why shouldn’t you do the same?!”

Definitely cries to the twins after the breakup. Azul fears they, too, will abandon him. They reassure him that they won’t, but Azul is uncertain.

Throws himself into his work just to keep himself from thinking about you and spiraling into another fit of inky tears. Literally cries himself to sleep once his work has exhausted him.

Azul is such a poor, unfortunate soul...wallowing in his own self-pity.

Malleus Draconia...

...is absolutely crushed, heartbroken.

You tell him that he is too mopey, too clingy. For a great fae, why is he so dependent on you for emotional support? You’re sick of always having to listen to his problems.

“...Very well. If that is what you wish, then so be it. You are free, Child of Man. Go forth, and do as you please.”

He accepts defeat gracefully and willingly, only breaking down after you have walked away.

Malleus sulks in his room for a long time, barely eating anything and refusing to leave. He can’t even cheer up from Gao-Gao Dragon-kun--it is just another painful reminder of the times you spent together.

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts so much--this crushing despair, the loneliness, the rejection...he thinks he had found true love, but this is no happy ending.

Lilia and Silver need to restrain Sebek from charging up to you and ranting about how the breakup has negatively impacted the Young Master, and how ashamed you should be, and blah, blah, blah--

Malleus walked with you once upon a dream, and now he walks alone in an empty dreamscape.

[onlyhereforangst]

WWR 

Ok y’all if you thought 18x05 was long, you in for a trip. Get ready for lots of caps, lots of not PG-13, and lots of overanalysis. I hope this lives up to the hype since it took me forever and a day (literally almost every minute of the 20 minutes of scenes took practically an hour to breakdown, I have a problem I know). Anyways, let’s get sweaty under the cut because the day ain’t young no more 👇🏼

Their bickering in the car but Nick smiling the whole time is a huge married vibe but also he’s so happy she’s alive and will take any shit she gives him vibe and I’m here for it. Pluuuuus Ellie avoiding nicks question about the phone call 😭 he’s so freaking concerned for her (he’s been through his own version of PTSD), his voice drops all the teasing and he actually opens up a little bit - really wants to make sure she’s ok. He needs to be there for her and ugh poor Ellie, those walls are going back up after that hug- a momentary lapse in her usual self. She’s so far outside of her comfort zone talking about feelings and weaknesses and she immediately deflects. Nick respecting that deflection is also huge growth for him, knows it’s not ok to push through like a person like him would normally do and force her hand. He knows she needs space but also clearly ready to be that ear to listen or shoulder to cry on whenever she needs it.

His joke about notable mustaches only to be the butt of the joke about using the word notable later is hiiiiiilarious. 

Her comment about Zillow 😂 um excuse me ellie you looking for houses and to settle down 👀 but then(!!) Nick pushes her down the stairs first when shots start, getting her out of harm’s way and putting himself in danger like he always does my heart 😩 like he’s still on the stairs by the time she’s in a cell “safe.” And side note damn they are good shots, oof. 

The toilet bowl scene is easily one of my favorites. Nick freaking out over Ellie moving hers and him not being able to had me DYING. Like legit cackling over his worry she’s suddenly way stronger than him 🤣🤣 and then he gets SO pissed they took their car hahaha like so mad he hugs the damn wall in frustration. But then he claims he’ll rip out the bars of the window (you know, to make up for not being able to move his toilet and still prove he’s macho) and Ellie’s comment about superhuman strength & his agreement LOL. His anxiety level of being trapped and more so Ellie being trapped is getting to him already. He is reaching for any possible way to get them (read: her) out of there safely it doesn’t matter that the plan sounds outrageous. Cue him moving back to pissed and breaking the toilet with his damn foot like 🥵 we get you strong Nick but no need to show off. Hot damn. His “I really think we’re stuck in here” after that IDK why but had be laughing again. I’m pretty sure I said “no shit Sherlock” at my TV watching live because thank you Captain Obvious. 

Aaaaaand then when she pauses and finds the bomb bricks but goes so quiet oooooof he’s on high alert. You can practically hear his heart pounding and then he goes and starts panicking slightly when she doesn’t respond with our first use of a first name, “Ellie we have a wall between us, what is it?” But his tone is so frantic and his eyes are darting around putting the whole picture together and my heart aches for him. He’s starting to realize just how helpless he is to save her. The exact thing he likely swore he’d set out to never let happen again (Ellie in danger) after last episode, is happening again. And this time, it’s not like he can go hunt the guys down, he’s quite literally stuck. Helpless with no way out. Aaand here’s where Nick starts to lose his patience. Pissed at himself for not saving her before, not being able to save her now. Pissed at everything. He cannot comprehend how she is in this situation AGAIN and he can do nothing. But oh lord, he doesn’t even realize it’s about to get worse...

Him brooding over this crappy situation in a corner and being the cautious one is so unlike him (but also so telling as to how unnerved he is by her being in danger once again and not wanting to do anything to make it worse) and Ellie calls him on being “so careful, cowboy” and hot damn again she really does like a man in uniform doesn’t she??? 👀🔥 and she not picky on the type of uniform either 😏 but Nick immediately deflects because he’s not *quite* ready to talk feelings so let’s get down to business about counting bullets BUT the second Ellie starts to worry again he goes into hyperdrive protective and caring boyfriend partner. Without hesitation he tells her they’re going to figure it out because goddamnit he HAS to figure this out for her. He can’t fail, again. And he’s so so SO worried about her & her mental health right now and I sincerely love it. I know Ellie doesn’t want to have that conversation but I stan (I can’t believe I’m using that word, I’m not hip enough for that word) an empathetic boyfriend who supports their significant other when facing mental health issues (like PTSD in Ellie’s case) ❤️❤️❤️ Nick breaks my heart, he wants to be there for her- wants to be the one she feels comfortable enough to open up to and he just gets so dejected when she rejects his probing again (but I don’t blame her, it’s *hard* to open up about these difficult topics), his body language slumped over the bars and tone is just so defeated even if he tries to snap back into his usual Torres self (newsflash it ain’t working bruv because she’s not totally wrong in calling you hovery). Yet naturally he gets annoyed because he JUST CARES ELLIE DAMMIT LET HIM CARE. Like you go through this entire list of him trying to protect you from everything that could go wrong because HE CARES. HE WAS TERRIFIED HE LOST YOU ELLIE. HE TRULY THOUGHT HE’D NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN. NEVER TOUCH YOU AGAIN. NEVER TELL YOU HE LOVES YOU. HE CARES. AND HE CANT LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO YOU AGAIN. HE LITERALLY WANTS TO SAVE YOU (his own words because god damn this show plays with my emotions 😭😭) FROM ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING BECAUSE HE COULDN’T SAVE YOU FROM GETTING KIDNAPPED AND HAVING TO FIGHT YOUR WAY OUT OF A PLANE RIGGED TO BLOW. Ok done with yelling for now but man this part gets me. The implications are so important even over trivial stuff. He felt helpless and Nick Torres cannot do helpless, so he tries do to everything else in his power to keep her away from any danger no matter how little it seems. Even hot coffee is too much for his precious babe and while he knows she’s not some delicate, fragile flower- he knows she can hold her own (& has called her a badass as proof), his heart can’t possibly take another explosion on an airstrip. Even if that airstrip is something like a burnt tongue. Ok I die now 😩😩😩

But let’s come back to living because this bullshit Nick “I always tell you what’s going on with me...you ask I tell you” exCUSE ME. Is this the same man who claimed he was being overprotective and that Ellie was like a sister to him?!???!! Yeah, I call bullSHIT that you tell Ellie what’s going on with you. (And Ellie calls BS too, btw buddy). 

But when Ellie finally decides to open a little I love it. I think she finally understood at least just a bit that he just, simply cares about her & her well-being. So she gives him a tiny taste of what she’s going through. And god Nick’s face when he understands the gravity of what she’s having to face mentally. Like I know he knew but I don’t think he knew just how bad. And you can just see that hatred towards his perceived failure turning inward once again as the mood shifts in these cells to somber. Plus Ellies last comment here with them *needing* to find a way out of there- girrrrrrrl poor baby girl 😭 she’s struggling so hard right now and trying so hard to not let it show and not let it get to her but you know she’s terrified. You know she’s desperately triggered. UGH Ellie 💔💔

We cut to Ellie desperately trying to figure out a solution to getting the fuck outta there and once again my heart aches for her triggered self. Nick seems desolate and frustrated, shutting down slowly as it seems less and less likely they’ll get out. Buuuuut then the GUM. Ahahahahahah Ellieeeeeee how do you know about that last piece of gum for “breath emergencies”??? AHHHH this man’s jeans are so damn tight (& yes trust me I would know, I observe) but like also you staring at a spot on said tight jeans that’s only maybe five inches from a different outline 👀👀👀 GIRL I FEEL YOUUUU. GET. IT. Plus she knows exactly what he calls it and I freaking love that. His excuse for why he has to save it is also hilarious 🤣 his breath emergency later hmmm doubt you wanted to save it to MacGyver something Nick sooooo you got another thing in mind?? 😏 and then LMAO it’s mushy because his pants are sweaty I’m rolllllling. Your pants too tight Nick? (this is not humanly possible btw) ALSO is this why later Ellie says she expected Nick to be more sweaty??? If it is and now rewatching I kind of feel like it is, omg what a great callback on her part 🤣🤣

Nick trying to coach her on the proper way of opening the cell door is hilarious because bitch which one of you was able to move their toilet Nick 👀😂 but oh damn now it’s when shit goes downhill fast. 

Nick not being able to see anything and his frantic questioning is amazing compared to Ellies absolute panic realizing she is once again facing down a bomb. I feel like her calming breaths are a coping technique Jack has been helping her with but man kill me now, Nick’s face?? When he realizes what he thought was helplessness earlier has just shot yo exponentially??? Oof with a capital O. This poor man needs a damn drink and yet all he can have is a club soda boy I *feel you* on that (side note #letsgetthisbabyoutmybellyasap). His woman has gone and gotten herself into another bomb encounter for the second time in a week. And he CANT DO A DAMN THING ABOUT IT. Can you imagine the absolute inner (and outer, give it a sec) freak out he’s having?? He wants to save her from hot coffee for Christ’s sake and now he can’t save her from a rigged bomb. Talk about a shitty situation. 

I just love the Torres Teachable Moment little discussion. Like Nick’s smirk gets me. I really don’t think he knew she had a name for it or realized that she caught on to what he was doing (trying to help her grow as an agent without being obvious or “degrading”). And then we move on to comparing arm length and I crack up 😂 “my arms are longer than yours” and “no they’re disproportionately short for your body” HAHAHA like what the hell have you guys been doing to know this?? Do you stand *that* close together with your arms down to know their lengths comparatively and how much do you stare at Nick, Ellie? Daaaaaaamn. From his gum to his arms to his body I see you 👀 I’m not hating tho I would too 😏 I think what I loved most about this whole jail scene (aside the ending obvs) is the quick flipping back and  forth from joking & teasing to dead serious & worried. Like they’re both trying so hard to keep it above board and light- trying desperately not to think of the implications of what’s happening but then (usually Nick) those intrusive thoughts sneak through and he can’t help but redirect them back to serious. It shows their inner warrings with themselves and just how hard this is for both of them. How much they want to appear strong and unflappable but they both know deep down the whole situation is eating away at them. And Nick bringing up her standing on a bomb only moments before he tells her he’s going to shoot the wall- OOF. Ellie’s genuine terror for him injuring himself and her then not being able to do a damn thing about it because she’s standing on a FREAKING BOMB is so painful to watch. Like she’s stuttering she can’t get it out fast enough, she needs to stop him, she can’t fathom him getting hurt while she’s helpless (uh, hello there theme of the episode how have you been). Nick’s facial expressions through this scene are also so telling. He goes from “this isn’t a big deal” to “oh shit she’s panicking” to “holy shit is she going to open up, is she really talking about this” to “fuck it’s my fault she had to go through that and it’s tearing me up inside every second” to “hooooooly fuck is she about to say what I think she’s about to say?? Is she about to confirm what I know deep inside but am too afraid to say aloud?? Is it true??” And ELLIE OH ELLIE. Reliving that *has* to be hard, has to. To finally bring it up after she’s been dodging it all damn day...you know the thought of him getting seriously injured had her more than rattled. And she cracks open those cement walls around her heart so briefly, the glimpse in it provides I think a turning point for Nick. Finally seeing that it’s not just him, she’s in deep too. Even if she can’t say it, can’t say she was fighting to see him again 😩💔 he knows. She says he only has one bullet left and to save it and they’ll figure some other way with tears in her eyes my HEART. But Nick gets it. Nick gets it because he’s been in the exact same situation. His eyes as they process the implication of her words and the fear for his life running through them 🥺 his simple “ok” is so unlike his normal self, you just know he’s once again doing anything and everything he can for. Even if that means standing down and not fighting for his way (the natural instinct for him). He knows what she needs is reassurance he won’t accidentally shoot himself. So he does it 😭 But him pacing (as a man of action suddenly faced with forced inaction) & Ellie begging for an inventory over and over (a woman of logics and data faced with PTSD) is so painful. You can tell they’re both struggling and neither wants to admit it but also they both need to do something - for Nick that becomes finally deciding to shoot a foothold in the wall and for Ellie that meant trying to go over their facts again and again but suddenly she’s once again terrified Nick is going to injure himself. The one man she fought to see again might hurt or even kill himself and she can’t do a damn thing because she’s standing on a bomb for fuck’s sake. Aaaaaaand cue the blow up. Cue Nick voicing his worst fears of Ellie accidentally triggering the bomb. Cue Ellie getting defensive because she’s so damn used to be babied and treated like she can’t take care of herself. Cue the “overprotective hovery man crap” line that had me rolling on the floor (tbt ROFL). Cue Ellie calling herself a girl but Nick calling her a woman like DAMN get me where it hurts Nick- that right there is a man who respects the living hell out of this fiiiiiiine representation of a woman in front of him 🔥. Cue Ellie saying because I’m “me” like um FUCK YES IT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE YOU AND HE’S TOO SCARED OF LOSING YOU ELLIE. Cue Nick finally losing his shit and getting reeeeeealllllllll like hallelujah do you hear the church bells?! Even Ellie knows to finally pause and listen. Nick never loses it on her, never. She knows this shift is serious and it’s happening. And omg his confession can I just have a moment of silence for the GROWTH.

Thank you, it needed commemorating. The same Nick who didn’t belong to a team is the Nick that is out here claiming he can’t sit idly by while the love of his life might get blown up again. He’s NOT OKAY WITH THAT AND NEITHER AM I. NOT AFTER THIS GODDAMN SCENE. His head bob accentuating just- how- important this is to him is so in character (thank you Wilmer) and theeeeeeen shoot me the way he has to fucking collect himself from almost crying. The emotion- there just aren’t words. Literally he has to look up to the sky and blink back those tears you know are threatening to fall at the thought of the woman who he still *technically* hasn’t told that he loves her could potentially die, again, for the second time in a week. So guess the hell what? He’s telling her (sort of). He’s telling her he would do anything, anything, put himself in danger’s way if it meant there was even the tiniest chance it would save her. Pardon the callback but- HE WOULD RISK HIS LIFE TO SAVE HERS. DON’T YOU REMEMBER ELLIE. YOU SAID I KNOW. DO YOU KNOW NOW. DO YOU. BECAUSE GOOD LORD CAN YOU MARRY THIS MAN ALREADY BEFORE I DIVORCE MY HUSBAND AND DO IT (jk love you honey 😘). But like damn, she knows it now. That look- she bites her lip and has tears in her own eyes at the realness she can feel even through a cement block wall. It’s a feeling she’s not used to. She isn’t used to being a person someone would literally risk death for. She doesn’t think she deserves it (sip on that like whiskey, mull it over, let it sink in & cry about it). Even if she knows she doesn’t need saving (and so does Nick), she finally realizes it isn’t about that. It isn’t about he feels like she can’t do it. It’s about the overwhelming pull that your life isn’t greater than the one you love. That love, real true love, is knowing you would do anything for that other person (and they the same) because the world would be worse off without them in it. And Nick will never be okay with a world without Ellie. Never. Their joint quiet after his confession is so powerful. There’s no claims of falsehood, there’s no trying to quip back at him, there’s no trying to stop him. It just settles into the room- into their hearts. They’ve crossed a line and it means so, so much. Nick can feel a weight lifted off his shoulders as he loads his gun and gets ready and Ellie can feel a weight settle on hers from the need to reciprocate. And not out of pity, it would be out of truth. But she knows it isn’t the right time. She knows she has to do it, and she will. She held back earlier when she couldn’t say she was fighting for Nick, but his outburst and confession gave her the courage in this scene. She finally has confirmation she means to him like he means to her. And she has to know, she has to know if he means it or if it was heat of the moment so when the dust settles she inquires, “what’s going on over there?” A pulse check. A way of asking without asking—did you mean that? And the shock of confirmation of her face as Nick, dead as a doornail serious says, “close calls make you live harder”….holy hell. That’s the moment it snaps for her, everything snaps into place—the agony he’s gone through not only this week, but the past couple years of close calls. He’s done beating around the bush, he’s living harder, he’s going all in, he’s getting what he wants. He refuses to let anything like a damn jail cell rigged to blow stand in his way. And she knows, she knows just how important she is to him. He might not have said those three words, but that phrase- that phrase was a direct window into Nick Torres’ soul. And by god I love it. 

But Nick pulling a prank on Ellie like that is also so Nick- the little shit. The genuine concern in her voice when she yells his name 😭 like dude, her worst fear, something causing ongoing trauma in her head right now is the ONE THING you decide to tease her with??? I should expect nothing less but damn that’s low 😂 her checking on his status update with Gibbs though feels like such a role reversal from earlier and it cracks me up, side note. 

When they’re getting ready to stand down the returning brother and Nick gets in position next to the wall but can’t even look ahead- he’s just staring at Ellie, oof. In that moment he’s brutally and painfully aware she can’t hide for cover. Not only can she not hide, he can’t cover her because he’s (locked in a cell but also) out of bullets. He’s once again near helpless and the woman he loves (and has now finally kind of told) is a sitting duck. Someone get this poor man a damn club soda, I repeat. 

And the little talk between the two parties- I love that Ellie takes point. Love that Nick lets her. Like damn that’s a supportive partner right there and I 👏🏼 AM 👏🏼 HERE 👏🏼 FOR 👏🏼 IT. He knows she can handle this shit and he will willingly let her. But nooooooowwwww weee gettinggggg to the goooooood paaaaaaart. 

Ok first, “good to see you” - this man has missed her face. Straight up dying to see her in the flesh. Just listening to her voice and not seeing the emotions written on her face is not enough. Seeing her alive, smiling at him, he needed it. But of course, let’s keep it light, act natural Nicholas. 

“I thought you’d be sweatier” - excUUUUSE ME ELLIE. Not only did you just call out his reference to his sweaty jeans earlier, you also WANT TO SEE HIM SWEATY DON’T YOU. THAT SMIRK SAYS YES DON’T LIE. And honestly, I don’t blame you shhhhh.

“The day is young” - can I get another excUUUUSE ME NICK. Words- they don’t- function. Because that knowing smile of hers- SHE’S OKAY WITH IT. GET YOUR MIND OUT THE GUTTER YOU TWO THERE’S A HOMICIDAL MAN UPSTAIRS. YOU’VE GOT TIME TO GET SWEATY TOGETHER TONIGHT YOU HEAR ME. THAT DAY IS YOUNG AND SO ARE YOU SO GET THOSE BRICKS AND THEN YOU CAN GET TO BANGING LATER. I just fucking can’t with their smirks. I can’t. This isn’t the normal banter, this is the fuck me banter and I’m okay with it. Because right after the I-wanna-get-in-your-sweaty-jeans banter we have Ellie putting her HAND ON HIS GD HIP AS HE PASSES ONLY TO MOVE UP TO BOTH SHOULDERS. AND THEEEEEEEN HOLY HELL SOMEONE LIGHT A MATCH BECAUSE THIS BITCH ABOUT TO EXPLODE FROM SEXUAL TENSION. Is it possible to rewatch this scene a thousand times in slo-mo and still not have watched it enough? Because that is me. That will always be me. How are they so in tandem, so in sync as they look up mere inches from each other- directly into the other’s eyes knowing exactly how serious this situation is and yet pausing to freaking gaze longingly (read: have eye sex) at each other. And I’m sorry Nick looks down at her lips like three times??? For a good while too?? Sir nothing you said required you to look there. nothing. And also there’s no way his hands aren’t on her I thiiiiiiink they’re on her upper arms (based on the last shot as he’s walking to get the bricks) but like hold her tight Nick please. Also while Ellie doesn’t look at his lips (in this scene) holy shit those are some come-hither eyes if I’ve ever seen them. “I’m sure” ABOUT YOU. SHE’S SURE ABOUT YOU NICK. SHE’S SURE SHE’S READY TO GET SWEATY WITH YOU NICK. Like literally, this girl had been leaning up against the cement wall for a looooong time before he has to pass her and now, NOW that Nick has to pass her- SHE STANDS UP TALL. TO GIVE HIM NO SPACE. WHILE SHE’S STANDING ON A BOMB. BITCH YOU WANTED IT. That was a damn power move Ellie and I am not mad about it. She so easily could have leaned back, given him a ton of space to get around, but nooooooo she stands right there, middle of the tight opening and says yes Nick come get 1mm from my face, touch me here, touch me there, touch me everywhere don’t care 👀 while you pass. I’m sure I’m okay with it because you’ve just eye fucked me and it’s exactly what I wanted. And I mean come oooooooon just the underlying emotion behind both of their words. Nick isn’t just asking if she won’t move her foot- it’s his way of asking if she’s ok and she looks SO much better, more relaxed now that he’s with her. The tense, anxiety-ridden Ellie that was asking for inventory or snapping about him being overprotective, is now at ease despite still standing on said bomb- all because Nick is right there with her and if that doesn’t make you 🥺😭 I don’t know what will. Like she can’t even take her eyes off of him even after rude brother interrupts this gold moment of theirs until Nick has already completely turned his head towards the dude. She’s just so relieved to see him standing there, so close to her, feeling his warmth underneath her hands again. 

Side note to prove my earlier point, when Nick casually reaches through to throw the bags of bricks through the door Ellie is leaning on the wall and THERE’S SO MUCH ROOM. HE COULD HAVE EASILY PASSED. 

Nick looks like he literally wants to murder the guy, enraged that he’s the one who put Ellie in this situation again. We would’ve seen swan!Nick if it wasn’t for Ellie choosing this moment to finally share her feelings. Because remember- she’d decided she was going to reciprocate but knew it wouldn’t come off the right way before. Now’s the time. Now when the immediate threat to their lives is gone (excluding bomb of course). Now when they’re alone, they’re together, and she can look him in the eye so he knows she’s serious. He can read the truth in her eyes rather than doubt her words said across a jail cell wall. 

“This isn’t about me, it’s about you” - well damn that got your attention didn’t it Nick??? So used to putting Ellie first, putting yourself second its weird to hear it come from someone else isn’t it? That someone is worried for your safety? That someone needs you living and breathing just as much as you need them doing the same? His eyes immediately change from Imma kill this man to did I just hear this woman right. 

“I’m not okay with you getting blown up either” - first off, the parallelism is what makes this absolute *chef’s kiss* because Nick has literally zero chance of being blown up if he runs after this dude. Shot? Yes. But blown up? No. Ellie has chosen these words precisely to call back to what Nick said earlier. To make sure he’s aware she understood the weight of his earlier confession and is making the same one. They are on equal footing- their feelings are not only reciprocated but just as strong as the other. She could’ve said anything else but choosing his exact words was so poignant in the moment. It’s like the difference between saying “I love you” & “I love you too” compared to “I love you” & “I really care about you.” And the way she says it with such confidence, she isn’t playing around, she didn’t even *have* to bring up their previous conversation, she’s got determination etched across her face with a ghost of a smile on her lips. She means this, and it’s dying to bust out of her. And so the shock to Nick’s system is quite frankly understandable. This is Ellie - someone who hours ago didn’t even want to tell him who she was trying to make a phone call to. Ellie who has walls the size of Mt. Everest erected around her heart. Ellie who could have brushed off his earlier comments said from the safety of a cement wall between them. But no. This Ellie is all-in, she’s ready to own up to her side. She’s ready to lay it on the line just like him. Equal footing. If Nick is ready to jump, then so is she. And he’s just so taken aback- glancing at her lips, blinking through the shock as he processes. Processes the weight of her words on their relationship. He knows he could laugh it off, make a joke about his superhuman strength not allowing him to get blown up, or he could man up and take them both forward. Ellie doesn’t even flinch under his stare, if anything she becomes more confident, more resolute in her words and her stance. Her eyes searching his for what his reaction will be and for a brief moment I swear there’s a tiny bit of worry, a tiny bit of unease that he wasn’t ready for her to repeat his words back to him. 

“Well, what are we gonna do about that?” Oh YOU HEARD. That smirrrrrrrrk Nicholas stop iiiiiit, Eleanor’s standing on a bomb you don’t need to light her on fire!! Because this is a challenge, a goddamn challenge. Staring straight into her soul saying, “oh you want me and I want you? How about we blow this popsicle stand and go get fucking sweaty ok? Because that’s what I want to do about that 👀🔥🔥🔥” and not only is the smirk sexy as hell but it’s also got this glint of elation. Like he could not be happier she said those words back to him. That he finally took Ziva’s advice, wasn’t a wuss and WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT IT PAID OFF. But his words also tell of a little nervousness. And not necessarily in a bad way, more as in a leaving it to her way. Putting her in the driver’s seat of this relationship knowing it’s where she’ll feel most comfortable. Given all she’s been through, like all of it not just the past week, he knows that she needs to be in control of how fast they move. And once again his chivalry and thoughtfulness of her is just- I cry. He doesn’t just assault her with what they should do next, he leaves it for her to decide. For her to weigh in on how far and how fast she wants to take them. And by the little shy smile Ellie gives him- she knows what he means. She knows her words have hit their mark and that he respects her enough to let her lead the way. And now she has to make her decision, a decision we DON’T GET TO SEE BUT I’M NOT BITTER IT’S FINE. But a decision nonetheless. 

I honestly go two ways on this- the most obvious of hell yes they kissed right then and there and started *something* and then the bitter realistic one of they were probably interrupted by Gibbs (who was literally outside like right then based on timing) but also may have just continued to stare into each other’s eyes- still slightly taken aback by everything they just shared and what it means for them. Still unsure of how they “work” as people who *love* each other, not just partners. Having that reality sink in as they continue to face off and wait for a rescuer. That reality sinking in could lead to obviously very good things (that we better see on our screen or I will fucking riot) or a slight nervous closing-off. Like not quite closed off closed off, but a tiny retreat when the gravity of the day falls down on both of them. I don’t think either will believe they only said what they did because of the situation/moment they were in, but it’s still a lot to deal with after all is said and done. I sincerely hope they unpack this in the coming episodes and give us some direction of what happened after that jail cell scene. 

I love the Torres told McGee about what happened today and I’m so curious about how much detail he told him lol but I also love that McGee has now received genuinely good advice from Torres twice now (the one about the reunion and now this). Just goes to show you the brotherly bond they have ❤️ but also that the advice was the same advice he literally lived out that day. Close calls make you live harder, almost as an affirmation to himself (Nick about what happened), but as something he knew McGee needed to hear too- they all do. 

And then this bullpen scene - one, how far of a time jump is this and whyyyyyyy won’t they telllll meeeeee. They hate me. Two, Ellie coming over so close just to hand off a file that he doesn’t even look at 👀 three, THEIR SMIRKS. WHAT DO THEY MEAN. Because Nick is holding back the world’s biggest smile as Ellie gets close to him and Ellie is just all nonchalantly checking him out with a brief eye-sex scene. Like damn this fine man doesn’t want me to blow up and I don’t want him to blow up either 🔥 Now does this mean they absolutely got together and did the nasty after they got out of that cell? Of course not. We can only dream, and write fics. This ending scene is very reminiscent of what NCIS loves to do with their power of open-ended persuasion at the end of an ep, see On Fire for example. The ending music and comments combined with the shot of Gibbs leaving in the elevator is literally there to try and persuade you that he killed Xavier. In this ep, the ending music and voiceover combined with their looks at each other is there to try and persuade you they totally got it oooooon. Not to say they didn’t, but I don’t trust NCIS one damn bit. 

All in all, cannot *wait* to see where they take ellick the rest of the season. Emily hyped this ep and man, she did NOT disappoint. Let’s see that shift that is going to ripple for the rest of the season now like Wilmer promised 🤞🏼

Oh and my only side note because this was insanely insanely long and if you’re still reading I’m proud of you for hanging in there with me & my screams into the void, send me an ask screaming back it’s ok I’ll love you for it—waaaas the whole team poking fun at Torres for using the word notable was downright hilarious. That and Gibbs trying to do everything himself, I can’t. Comedic gold. I love. I would go from dying of laughter to intense emotions so fast in this ep I got whiplash and for that, I am thankful to Gina. She always delivers 🔥

[simptasia]

Sorry I'm a bit late, but here's some Lost nonsense from my brain:

If Jacob's & MIB's adopted mum didn't adopt them, then a whole lot of mess could have been avoided.

Also.

Why didn't John's dad just say he was moving after he stole his kidney and see him like once a year? (That way if you need to borrow a lung later down the line the option is is there.)

Also.

If I knew my past self was gonna kill my son I won't let that happen. Screw the time space continuum, I'm doctor who-ing this nonsense.

And on top of that.

How come no one really tried to mess about with time in the 70s? I know there was a bit of "ahh don't effect the future" but like, if I was stuck in the past I'd have a go at screwing around with time. I'd be like suck it universe, there's no Internet and I've got people in the present I care about. I know alot of the Lost people had reasons not to, like Jin's trying to keep his family safe and Sawyer doesn't really have anyone outside of the island. But Julie's sister? Kate needing to find Claire? WHY WASNT THERE A DANIEL FOCUSED EPISODE ABOUT HIM TRYING TO CHANGE THE FUTURE AND SAVE CHARLOTTE THAT JUST MADE THE FUTURE HAPPEN MORE SO THAT THEN WHEN SAYID SHOT CHILD BEN I COULD HAVE BEEN ALL LIKE nah bro thats no gonna help, when instead I thought there was gonna be some funky timeline nonsense that I'm always here for AND THEN THERE WASNT. Also more Daniel.

Last thought (sorry I can't shut up)

Now I'm thinking about it, why was everyone's reaction to Sayid shooting child Ben as a bland "this is bad" ?? Im not trying to say it was good, but its like the whole 'go back in time and kill Hitler as a kid' argument? I thought characters would at least have thoughts? Like no one even talked about it beyond face value?? Or even had an emotion?? Everyone was just like: "this is bad, but let's leave him with his abusive dad" ???????????????

Epilogue Thought: i genuinely thought when Kate handed child Ben over to the Others she was doing to say something to him along the lines of what adult Ben said to her at the beginning of series 3 when they had breakfast together. (My memory is so bad, but it's something like "I wanted you to have a nice memory to cling onto because a lot of bad is going to happen.") And then it was gonna be like a weird time loop thing of who really said it first, like Ben doesn't remember them properly or anything (but it might help why he didn't just ask Jack for surgery help when they first crashed.)

lost spoilers ahead

Okay, first of all, how the fuck did you send a message this long. Whenever I send messages, I'm given a character limit???

If Jacob's & MIB's adopted mum didn't adopt them, then a whole lot of mess could have been avoided.

"Adopted", yes that the's word for it. And yeah... yeah. The entire plot of LOST, down the drain. Isn't it ironic, this show is known for so much daddy issues and all of this fuss was caused by mommy issues

Why didn't John's dad just say he was moving after he stole his kidney and see him like once a year? (That way if you need to borrow a lung later down the line the option is is there.)

Short answer: Because Anthony Cooper is a cunt

Longer answer: it's pooossible that anthony genuinely didn't wanna spend any time with locke at all. as you pointed out, this isn't pragmatic on his part. but he's a dick. he also has a history of not sticking around the people he's conned

If I knew my past self was gonna kill my son I won't let that happen. Screw the time space continuum, I'm doctor who-ing this nonsense.

I've had this same thought. Offense to Eloise, but I'm different.

like, yeah, even if it turns out to not be possible, there's merit in fucking trying to prevent this. like, morally, emotionally, i'd respect eloise if she'd fucking TRIED to not kill her baby boy :(((

legit, same, if i knew i was destined to kill my boy, i'd be like "no"

and at the very fucking least, i'd give the best life possible! which, paradox or no, is what a parent is SUPPOSED to do, eloise!!

not only does eloise not even try to not do this, what makes it so much worse is that she didn't allow him the life he wanted. you know he's gonna die young, bitch, let him have love and piano!

HES NOT EVEN ASKING FOR MUCH. free will??? please???

i Cannot talk about eloise without going on this rant, it seems

and the rest of ur message, i won't copy paste, but what ur saying about time travel. i'm kinda indifferent to a possiblity of them trying to change more but thinking about it, it's odd that they didn't Try more. however this can chalked up to like, not enough run time. but yes i'm all in favour of the characters ties to other characters mattering more. and charlotte mattering more. grrrr

oh boy the ben thing. well, i don't blame them for the This Is Bad thing. because it is. it's very bad to shoot a child. i wanna say, sayid is so fucking out of character when he does this. the writers mishandled sayid pretty bad in seasons 5 and 6, sigh. personally i don't believe its anywhere near okay to try to kill somebody because they're gonna be a bad person One Day. but yeah i am surprised there wasn't more of a debate about this in canon. we have people of different morals here... plus, it's a debate in real life. i'm in the "punish the people who have actually done something wrong" camp

it's fucked that he has to stay with roger though. i don't put that on our losties tho, overall i blame the others. because they could have accepted ben into the others way sooner and they really should have. richard could see this kid was suffering and they let him stay with his abusive dad. that's awful. then again, charles was in charge during this time period so that makes THAT make more sense but ugh

and finally. inch resting... i always saw kate's sympathy for little ben as 1. he's only a child, he's Not big ben. and 2. she grew up in an abusive home too so she sees a kindred spirit

regarding ben's memory, it annoys me how the writers felt the need to erase some of little ben's memories to supposedly Make It Make Sense but i felt that was unneeded. i think it's perfectly viable for ben to remember all the stuff that went down in season 5 but he never mentioned it because why the fuck would he. for one thing, he was henry gale at first, he's hardly gonna be like "oh hey are you the guy who shot me when i was a kid??" no, he'd keep his memories to himself. i think ben keeps a lot of things to himself for tactical reasons so i think the lost writers employed a get outta jail free card when they really didn't need to

[wendibird]

SPN 15X15 Observations

The saga of my shitty cable/internet provider continues. This week I was again watching it on my computer through the streaming app since TV still isn’t getting reliable reception, and my internet connection kept dropping! (Luckily, I’ve also set it to record, so I was able to re-watch the episode after it aired.) So, my notes are much less coherent probably, and I’ve had a long day so my after-episode thoughts probably are too. 

Everything else under the cut for those who wish to avoid spoilers and all my rambling:

- Connor isn't going to last long. - wtf? (freaky teddy bear!) - "she and I used to have a thing"? Seriously Dean? - Cas: "Sam?" (aka "Please be the reasonable one.") - soooooo much salt from Cas. - "Agent Swift!" - BABY YODA!!!! - I think the crossroads thing is Cas just making a phone call more or less. - Cas, there are NEVER "too many cats". - LOL I love Cas' literalness - Eeeeee..... love them bonding. - Hrm. So there's definitely a karmic element to these killings. I mean, "Lair" seemed like a bit of a stretch for the other kid, unless the "lie" was in him agreeing with the snobby girls. But I have a feeling this lady here is going to end up with something like "thief" carved into her. (So, thoughts: Avenging Angel? Just Deserts? Probably something new.)

- Also I feel like there was maybe something in that "previously" scene that I don't remember seeing before. (Was talking about Dean going into detail about needing to take Amara out as well as Chuck. I remember part of that conversation, but some parts felt "new" to me? Though I've only seen through this current season once, so I might just not be remembering everything right.) - Sam's worried/concerned about Jack! <3 - "At least this time it's not you and me." Oh man does that feel like foreshadowing. - Not sure I trust the pastor. - I've been watching this show too long. They all feel sketchy. Especially the girl with the headband. *LOL* - Oh man. Are they really going "Torture Porn" on us again? (Apparently) - His (Jack’s) Mom died 3 years ago too. - "I have more dads than most." <3 - "Put your trust in God." Wow. *LOL* Poor Jack. - Cas, you're totally one of his dads. But yes. It is complicated. - Ahhh. Maybe that's what the "Liar" thing was about. (Connor being gay and hiding it?) - Hi Amara! (My cat wants to get into my closet.)

- Amara's still in relatively light colors.

(Stupid internet signal is being a pain)

- I wish I knew what was going on.

(Aaaaand more internet problems)

- I love Cas! (still confused about what's going on.)

- So, what's with the random demon in the squad car? - Dammit.... I had a feeling Jack would end up having to die to kill Chuck and Amara.

(OKAY! Now that the episode is over, I'm going to re-watch parts of it so I can find out what the hell I missed! (still irritated))

- Jack HAS one of those teddy's! I wonder which one got it for him.... (My guess is Sam or Cas) - Maybe it was Zack in the cop car at the end? He DID say he was really bored. - Reason why I was thinking it might be something supernatural was because the one who did it seemed to know in advance who they were going after, but that lady just now stole from the poor box. So, how did the daughter know? Unless she'd done it before? Hrm. - Minor note: "We've been on the road almost two days." WTF? SPN doing somewhat realistic travel times?! *LMAO* - Trying to tell what's in her other hand. Looks like it's duct-taped closed into a fist around something. A transmitter maybe? It's an odd detail that I don't think gets explained. - So, did she call him a "liar" because she saw the two of them as having dated and then he came out as gay at some point? - So, they're just gonna leave the Impala there while it's gassing up? *LOL* - I still love Cas for this part. Sharing his "Journey". - Okay, got to see the guys' talk with Amara. (At least the first half of it.) I still think it's risky for Dean to tell her about Jack even being a player on the board. Though I get that he had to give her SOMETHING so she would get that the threat is credible. That they actually CAN do something against Chuck. - Also, SPN can't settle on its history. *LOL* But that's nothing new. Back in S5 it was God and Death and Death couldn't remember who came first. Then at the end of Season 10 we got an updated version with the Darkness (Who didn't seem to have met Death prior to her imprisonment.) Now, Darkness and God were twins. - Ewwwwww.... dead guy. - Wow.... They actually textualized that. (About Mary.) - He sounded like he meant it when he said "I will never hurt you." - I still love Cas being a subtle badass. - Jack... it's NOT the only way... (And I'm pretty sure Sam HAS forgiven Jack. But I don't think they've really talked.)

SO.

I apologize that my "notes" this time are a train-wreck, but so was my internet connection, so sadly, this is what happens when I watch part of the episode, miss some important bits, and watch most of the rest of it (while still missing more bits) and then when it's finally over I can finally go back and re-watch the bits I'd missed. And I wound up mostly just re-watching the whole thing again anyway. And some things definitely made more sense, and I definitely noticed some things I hadn't caught the first time.

I know a lot of people aren't going to like it because it mostly featured Cas and Jack while being light on the brothers. (But there WAS some good brother content!) I did enjoy it well enough though. (Like, it's not gonna make my top 10 total episodes, but I liked it better than a lot of the ones earlier this season.)

Organizing my thoughts is gonna be a bit hard (I've had a long day) but I'll make an attempt here.

Cas and Jack's arc: It definitely had a more old-school SPN horror vibe to me, though more like some of the newer horror movies (like Saw and the like) and I think both characters were written well. We had two awkward angels who still don't get all things human, but they obviously care. There was also a lot of talk about God in a way that I felt made both of them feel awkward considering their perspective on Chuck. I do still wonder though about some of the details of what Sylvia was doing. Like, I get how she'd probably been stewing about the one boy for a while. But the lady (could never quite tell if it was Valerie or Mallory) had literally JUST stolen from the donation box when she stepped outside into the trap laid for her. So, was this maybe a habit of her's? How would Sylvia have known about it beforehand? And also, what was with the crossroads demon at the very end posing as/possessing a police officer? Is he going rogue because he's bored? Is he acting on some weird kind of orders? I saw some theories about maybe the Dad made a crossroads deal to spring his daughter, but... I dunno. Unless it's supposed be a tease for something to come later, it feels odd and random.

Overall, I did really like Cas in this episode. I thought his blend of salt, cluelessness, and altruism was good, and I loved what he said about his past, and how he found his new purpose. Because he has been drifting quite a bit since he lost his original purpose. But he definitely seems to have found it again with Jack. So naturally he gets to find out that Jack is fated to die taking out God and the Darkness. *sigh* Dude CANNOT catch a break! Also, JACK! I love him so much! (And honestly, I'd had suspicions already that this is what had been troubling him. I'm glad he finally told one of his dads at least.)

Also, just wanna reiterate, I loved that bit at the beginning when Dean suggests Cas and Jack go tackle this case "that probably isn't anything (supernatural)" and he turns to Sam like "Please be the sane one here." (My hope/headcanon is that Sam encouraged him to go because he knows something has been troubling Jack, and if Jack won't open up to Sam about it, maybe he was hoping he'd open up to Cas at least. Then maybe SOMEONE could help him. But I don't know if the writers are thinking that deeply about Sam.)

Speaking of Sam and Dean... Okay, overall I thought their part of the episode was okay for what we saw. Like, the brother talk in the Impala, mild bickering about driving times and regular mundane stuff. Also their talk with Amara had some GOOD emotional beats in it. For Dean and Amara. Sam was mostly just there. And then he wasn't even there for the main part. So... *sigh* It's not that I begrudge Dean having that moment. I mean, he definitely had more of a connection to Amara than Sam did. But it still feels like not much really happened with him besides being a soundingboard and showing some concern for Jack. Hopefully we get more of him actually being important to the plot in upcoming episodes.

But let me reiterate that I DID like the talk Dean and Amara had! I'm glad that she textualized something that I know a lot of fans have theorized about Mary and her purpose narratively. That prior to her resurrection she had been put on this pedestal, but Dean and Sam were actually able to get to know the real woman. That the real woman was better than the memory because she WAS real. Flaws and all. (Not that I blame Dean for being angry.) I'm just glad that it was said outright. Because I got the feeling from some of the things Samantha Smith has said at cons that that was part of the point of Mary's character since S12, to make her real. And I know a lot of people couldn't see past her flaws and still hate her. (I DO think some things could have been handled better with her character, but that's not the point of this long rambly post today.) Also, when Dean said that he could never hurt her? It felt like him telling the truth. Maybe he was able to get that feeling across because technically he WAS telling the truth, since the plan is for Jack to be the one doing the hurting. But I dunno.

Anyway, overall I thought it was a decent episode. It had some good character moments in it, and considering I thiiiiink the next episode is going to be very Sam and Dean heavy, I'm not gonna begrudge Cas and Jack some screentime in this one since things are likely going to be getting dicey here fairly soon.

(And again, I apologize for how scattered this is this time.)

P.S. Oh, and one last thing before I forget. Especially after last episode, I find it odd that Jack still thinks BOTH brothers haven't forgiven him. I get why he would think that about Dean. The dude outright said it was going to take some time. But Sam, as far as we've seen has been shown to be supportive of Jack. So, I wonder if it's because Jack still hasn't forgiven himself? Or if it's because maybe he and Sam haven't really talked about that whole issue, so maybe Jack thinks Sam is just avoiding it? (Or if the writers are just lumping Sam&Dean together again because WHY would anyone see them as two separate entities? *salty*) Because if anyone in this show SHOULD be aware that the brothers don't always think the same it should be Jack. Because from the start Sam has tended to hold a different stance in regards to him than Dean. *sigh* Ah well. We'll see how things fall out. Especially considering what Cas (I’m assuming anyway) told Dean about Jack and Billy’s plan. 

[yoonjinkooked]

I Miss You | Jungkook

Pairing: Y/N / Jungkook

Genre: Fluff, a bit of angst (mostly pining) and comedy, oneshot

Warnings: (cursing, brief mentions of anal sex (jokingly), banter, oblivious Jungkook, heavy pining on both sides)

Word Count: 3666

Summary: You are in love with your best friend and he doesn’t know it. When the two of you start breaking a long term tradition of yours, feelings become more obvious on both sides. 

A/N: Jimin’s bday gift for JK fucked me up. ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ is one of my all-time favorites and today it pushed me back into Blink 182 and “I miss you”. So, I wrote this in like two hours completely inspired by the song, even though I had other stuff to write. I will go do that now. I hope you enjoy this, let me know what you think! 

You could laugh at how stupid this whole thing is.

It is so ridiculous and plainly stupid but it still affects you, more than you would like to admit to anyone.

Since you were 18 and a broke college student, you and a fellow broke college student became friends, bonding over your love of music, movies, TV shows and essentially irrelevant pop culture knowledge. It didn’t take long for you and Jeon Jungkook to have weekly movie nights together, whether at his dorm room or your run down rental apartment.

It also didn’t take long for those weekly movie nights to end up being limited on one movie and one movie alone: The Nightmare Before Christmas.

There was something about that masterpiece that drew you both in, time and time again, never becoming boring. Of course, you needed to make sure of that: a few months down the road, movie nights were still a weekly occurrence but ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ nights were monthly.

You obsession went as far as dressing up as Jack and Sally for Halloween – it was a horribly executed costume, tragic even, but the two of you loved it. It was your thing. No one understood it but no one needed to – the two of you have always known.

Adulthood came knocking, graduations came and went, jobs became a daily and not a temporary thing but somehow, you and Jungkook still followed tradition.

Even three months ago, when Jungkook packed up and moved half the world away. Even with seven hours between the two of you, you still spared one day a month for your tradition.

Granted, you barely even watched the movie anymore – you would be too interested in catching up with one another, Skype was a bitch and constantly lagging and the first 15 minutes would always be spent in trying to play the movie at the same time. After yelling at each other and blaming the other one, and of course Skype, you would both just play the movie at your own terms, barely paying attention to it because you could finally look at each other again, even over a computer screen.

You were supposed to be having your movie day/night now. And for the first time in 6 whole years, Jungkook stood you up.

Twice before, movie night was cancelled. Once by you, once by him, very much in advance. And even then, it would simply end up being re-scheduled. Nothing stopped your movie nights, not illnesses, not real-life drama, not a whole ocean between the two of you.

Which is why it is actually painful now, when he did not show up.

He is online – you can see the little green light shining on his Skype name. It’s not yet late night in his time zone – he should be here. Or at the very least, texting you and asking for a last minute re-schedule.

And yet he isn’t. It’s stupid and it’s trivial and who the hell would be hurt with this but it also makes perfect sense because this? This feels like an ended chapter. No, a whole closed book.

Over the years, you and Jungkook always hovered between being the best of friends and maybe, just maybe, something a little bit more.

Frankly speaking, you had a stupid crush on him for several years and never did anything about it, perfectly aware that said crush had ruined every single attempt at a relationship you have ever had. You tried to leave it behind, knowing you would never be able to put your feelings into words, much less actions. You knew your longing for Jungkook would always remain unsaid and you tried to move on. There were men, one night stands, serious relationships, all of it – and none of it worked.

Him moving miles away didn’t have the desired effect either. It was still there, in your heart, annoying you and making it painfully obvious just how strong the stupid crush is.

But this? This situation from today? It finally did what nothing else could do.

It showed you that you and Jungkook will never be.

Seemingly meaningless to someone else, a punch in the gut for you.

  JK: Y/N? You there? [4:24 AM]

JK: Y/N!!!!!!! Come on! I know you’re up! [4:36 AM]

JK: btch, I know you’re up and watching Walking Dead or something [4:39 AM]

JK: Ugh, fine, whatever [4:51 AM]

Y/N: I was sleeping, dumbass [9:08 AM]

Y/N: What do you want [9:08 AM]

JK: Finally! I wanna reschedule our movie night – I couldn’t make it last night, sorry. You wanna do it tonight? [9:14 AM]

Y/N: Can’t do it tonight – have work to do. [9:14 AM]

JK: Tomorrow night? [9:16 AM]

Y/N: Soz, work. [9:16 AM]

JK: Any night in the next two weeks? [9:17 AM]

Y/N: Ask me in a few days, I will know more. [9:22 AM]

  “Thank you so much for taking me out tonight,” you smile at your date, trying to make the awkward first-date goodbye a little less awkward. Hoseok is a kind, charming guy – on paper, he is exactly what you need, what you had hoped to find. Stable in all the right ways and not textbook proper. If you were to let your imagination run wild, Hoseok would be a perfect long term companion – yes, one date was more than enough for you to realize that.

“It was my pleasure,” he smiles brightly at you, a smile that should make your stomach somersault. It doesn’t. As much as you want it to, it doesn’t. “I would very much like to do this again. Are you free on Monday, for example?” he suggests.

“I’ll have to check my schedule,” you avoid giving him a direct answer, despite knowing you have absolutely no plans for Monday night. You don’t want to lead him on but you are not brave enough to say it to his face. “I’ll message you once I know. Thank you so much and have a good sleep,” you tell him, hand already on the car door – you didn’t want to give him a chance to do something more.

“Bye Y/N,” he smiles at you as you close the door, the sound of it making you flinch.

He is perfect but he is not him.

He is not your stupid best friend, the one who eats too much ramen and misses scheduled movie nights and snorts when he laughs and cries during cheesy romcoms and makes you laugh like no one ever has.

He is not the guy you are insanely comfortable with, the guy who had made you shed every single mask you have ever worn and show yourself to him for who you really are. He is not the guy you want, he is not the guy you need.

But unlike Jungkook, he is here.

You cannot string Hoseok along and you cannot let your feelings for Jungkook take over you – it’s over and you know it. You just need to learn how to live with it.

  You are so sure that you’re dreaming, you don’t even bother lifting your head, much less answering your phone when you hear it ringing. Soon enough, it stops and you almost fall right back into your dream before it rings again – and this time too, you don’t even bother because it’s obviously a dream.

The third time it had started to ring, you know you’re not dreaming.

You also know that it’s fucking late and as ‘How I Met Your Mother’ had taught you, nothing good happens after 2AM.

With a sense of dread, you do reach for your phone, not bothering to open your eyes as you try to slide your finger on the right area.

“What?”

“Hey… it’s me,” you recognize his voice instantly.

“Jungkook what the fuck do you want?” you sigh. “It’s almost,” you pause to look at your phone’s clock, nearly blinding yourself in the process, forcing your eyes shut as soon as you saw the exact time. “It’s past 4AM. What the fuck?”

“I’m sorry, I know it’s late,” he apologizes instantly. “But I just wanted to see what you were up to.”

“What I-,” sometimes, like right now, you cannot believe the stupidity Jeon Jungkook can utter. For a genuinely bright and knowledgeable person, there are times when he truly is the biggest dumbass you have encountered in your whole life. “I’m sleeping – what the fuck did you think I’d be doing?”

“Sorry for waking you up,” he mumbles. He doesn’t even have to be in front of you for you to know that he is pouting – right about now, he is looking like a kicked puppy, making you want to hug him and punch him at the same time, because even with an entire ocean between the two of you, he is using his charms in his favor – he knows how fucking whipped you are for his pout, even if you can’t see it.

“Did something happen?” you ask, finally realizing that he must have some reason to call you at this hour.

“Why weren’t you here today for our movie night?” he blurts out.

“Huh? Jungkook, we didn’t plan a movie night today.”

“No, we didn’t but we always have it on a Saturday,” he tells you. “I just assumed after weeks of not having one, we will have one this Saturday.”

“I never confirmed that,” you mumble, suddenly not as sleepy as you were seconds ago.

“I watched it alone,” he admits, his voice sounding oddly sentimental. However, you are still sleepy and could very well be imagining the whole thing. “It felt so weird, to watch it without you. It felt wrong.”

“I watched it alone the last time we had our movie night,” you remind him, hoping that you don’t sound too sour. You are not angry – you’re really not. Yes, you are still a little bit hurt, but not by his actions. You are hurt because those actions made you realize the truth you have been avoiding for years now. “It felt wrong then too. But life goes on.”

“What do you mean life goes on?” he asks.

“Life goes on,” you repeat. “We live in different places now. We have our own obligations. I had a date tonight – last time, you had… whatever it is that you had. We are not those stupid students anymore, Jungkook. Traditions are cool but real life gets in the way.”

“I don’t want life to go on without our tradition,” he uses his kicked puppy voice again.

“Me neither but tough luck.”

“Was the date good?”

“It was,” you answer honestly. You could never lie to Jungkook – not in person, not over text, not over the phone. Keeping things to yourself was a more common practice than you’d like to admit but never have you lied to him. “It was good but there won’t be a second one.”

“That’s very contradictory,” he points out.

“I know,” you sigh. “I guess I just had to admit to myself that he wasn’t what I am looking for.”

“Y/N, do you even know what you are looking for?” he chuckles.

Better than you might think. “I know exactly what I am looking for. Sleep. Goodbye Jungkook.”

“Y/N, wait-“ he tries to stop you.

“We will talk in a few hours. Goodbye!”

You had to end the call before you ended up saying things you will likely end up regretting. They were there, on the tip of your tongue. It would have been so easy to say them, to finally not carry that burden with you. It would have been easy, therapeutic even. But the aftermath? The aftermath would have destroyed you and you knew it.

  You curse when the ringing drags you away from your dream – it was a good dream too. You were eating chicken wings and someone, you can already imagine who, decided to pull you away from it.

Jungkook and you had a timetable of times when it is socially acceptable to call the other one – different time zones made you do it. For four months, both of you were perfectly capable of sticking to it. Except, over the course of last week, Jungkook had decided to blatantly ignore it, several times.

“Jungkook, this is the third time this week you wake me up at the dead of night,” you answer the phone angrily, not even checking the caller ID because you know it’s him. “What do you want?”

“I miss you.”

“You truly could have waited a few more hours to tell me that.”

“Actually, I couldn’t,” he tells you, to which you just roll your eyes. “Y/N, I’m going to need you to not interrupt me now – I have something to say. Are you awake enough to listen?” he checks.

“I am,” you mumble. Yeah, now you are, when the dumbass woke you up.

“I miss you,” he tells you the same thing again, the words not having much of an effect on you because you know he is not missing you in the way you want him to. “It pisses me off that we don’t have our movie nights anymore. It is just so wrong to watch ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ without you and it pisses me off that it’s like that – it’s just a stupid movie. I should be able to watch it without thinking about you every damn second.”

You want to reply to that, of course you do, but his earlier request and frankly, your surprise, leave you speechless. You do however sit up, knowing that even if you ended the call this second, you wouldn’t be able to fall asleep for the remainder of the night.

“I know that this is not something I should be doing right now,” he continues. “It’s wrong and if I am going to say it, I should at least say it to your face and not over the phone, at the dead of night. But I just… I can’t keep it in anymore, you know? I miss you. I miss you so fucking much Y/N.”

You want to ask him why, you want to brush it off. After years of keeping your hopes down, you don’t want one misunderstanding to get them up. You know, you just know, he doesn’t miss you like that.

“Ever since I got here, I have kept living with this horrible feeling,” Jungkook admits, swallowing lumps as he speaks. “I know I have made a mistake. I knew it even before I left. I thought it would clear my head, lessen your influence or whatever… and it just didn’t. I am still feeling the same way about you as I did before and now I can’t even see you. I sabotaged myself.”

He is talking about his feelings for you, he said it in those very words and still, you don’t want to believe what you’re hearing, knowing that if you believe it, the eventual truth will leave you broken. Your heart however gives you away – it starts beating faster, excited at what this could mean.

“I miss you, Y/N. And I don’t just miss you as a friend. That’s a given, that will always be true, even if you don’t ever want to see my face after tonight. But I just needed to put it out there before I… exploded. I miss you. I want to be right there, right next to you. Kissing you, holding your hand… doing all sorts of things to you, things that would make you blush and kick me in the shin if I were to voice them. I don’t want to scare and chase you away, I don’t want to lose you as a friend, that’s exactly why I haven’t said this for so long but I just can’t keep it in. Not when you are ditching movie nights and going on dates and living your best life while I am… pining after you. And I don’t blame you – you didn’t know, I made sure of that. But now you do. And whatever your response is, just know that I will always consider you my best friend, whether you let me fuck you into oblivion and hold your hand 24/7 or if you never want to see my sorry ass ever again.”

For the first time in a very long time, your heart and mind are on the same page. One is not trying to hold to hold the other one back or to push it into something that makes no sense. No, your heart and mind are not working together, both perfectly aware and very accepting of that fact that for you, it was always going to be Jungkook.

Whether your feelings are returned or not, whether it never happens or lasts a lifetime, it was always going to be him.

And now, when your mind is finally accepting, and aware of Jungkook’s feelings, you can finally embrace the feeling you have spent years, fucking years, trying to escape.

He likes you. Hell, if he’s anything like you, he is in love with you. ‘Like’ is too weak. You like someone you barely know. When you know the person you like, when you actually know them, the way you and Jungkook know each other, it’s more than just ‘like’.

“Can I talk now?” you ask.

“I kind of want to say no,” Jungkook sheepishly admits. “But I know you have to. So go on, Y/N. Go on and break my heart. For all I know, that may be the exact thing I need.”

“Okay, now I’m going to ask you to shut the fuck up,” you deadpan, not surprised when you hear silence on the other side – Jungkook was never a push around but the truth of the matter is, he knows how scary you can get when you are angry. He doesn’t want to make you angry, not right now. “Seeing as you moved your ass to a different continent and couldn’t wait till the morning to call me, you are obviously blind and completely unaware of the massive crush I’ve had on you for years.”

It’s his turn to be stunned to silence.

Or maybe he’s quiet because you asked him to. Shit.

“I’m done,” you tell him. “Your turn.”

“That’s all you’re gonna say?”

“Are you seriously complaining right now?” you ask in disbelief. “What more do you need? I like you, you dumbass. I have liked you for years! I want you here, next to me, holding my hand and all that shit. And all the things you say you want to do to me, if I were you, I would compile a list of them before coming back home because I’d let you do them all.”

“Y/N, are you-“

“Well, maybe not all. I’m still iffy about the butt stuff.”

“Are you seriously talking about anal while confessing your feelings for me?!”

“I just didn’t want you to get your hopes up for nothing, that’s all,” you admit in a low voice. You know you’re going to end up regretting saying this. Jungkook has a horrible, yet endearing habit of reminding you of all the embarrassing things you have ever said in his presence and mentioning anal sex in the middle of such a heartfelt conversation will definitely make the cut.

“I miss you even more now,” he admits, sighing into the phone. “Do you seriously like me?”

“Yes,” you reassure him. “It’s weird, I know.”

“Hey!”

“It is!” you argue. “You are my best friend. It wasn’t supposed to happen that way.”

“Or maybe it was absolutely supposed to happen that way,” he counters. “Is there a better feeling than falling for your best friend?”

“Hell yeah, it’s a horrible feeling,” you laugh. “It only feels good when you know it’s not one-sided.”

“Okay, you do have a point there,” he chuckles. You find yourself feeling all giddy on the inside, biting your lip and fighting the urge to yell out of pure happiness. It’s actually happening. After years of not being able to keep him out of your heart, you finally don’t have to. Sure, the whole conversation is weird as fuck but it’s also very Jungkook. Very you and Jungkook. If it had happened in any other way, it would not be so characteristically you. “So… now what?”

“You’re the one who moved away – you need to answer that one.”

“Temporarily,” he sighs. “I tell you this every time Y/N, it’s temporary-“

“Yeah, yeah.”

“-because I literally can’t stand being away from you,” he ends with a sigh, making your heart flutter all over again. “I’ll still be here for two months. I’d say… maybe you should go to your living room and play our movie. And we can watch it once a week, sticking to our tradition. And then, when I come back home, I will kiss you silly and make both of us regret being silent for as long as we were.”

“You gonna date me?” you giggle as you get up and head straight for your living room.

“I’m gonna date the shit out of you,” he announces.

“Are you gonna meet my parents?”

“I already know your parents, Y/N,” he laughs and you chuckle too, as you turn on your TV. “But I’ll gladly meet them all over again. We need to discuss how much you’ll be bringing into our marriage, after all.”

“Oh, fuck you!” you laugh.

“Give it two months babe and you will do just that.”

“You are insufferable.”

“And you love it.”

Watching ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ was always a special tradition for the two of you, but never more special than now, with him half the world away and on the phone with you, while you banter and ignore the growing feeling in your chest, acting as if this is a completely normal thing to do on a Wednesday at 3AM. Because for the two of you, it kind of is.

[bruisesandbuzzaxes]

The issue with DLC 4 (Its not BL2)

Spoilers under the cut as to avoid, well... spoilers.

I have seen many people give DLC 4 shit because it did not meet their expectations lore/game play wise. Although many of these criticisms are indeed true, I have also found a trend (within all of BL3, but especially within DLC 4) that seems to be ever present within these issues. 

Borderlands 3 is not Borderlands 2 and should stop trying to be as such. 

I know, shocking right? But it seems that both the devs of the game, and its audience expected a BL2 clone and yes, they got on but in the worst way possible. The thing that made BL2 great was the lore (or greater presents of), the game play, and characters. The villain we got was deep, sadistic, but also compelling. Handsome Jack was not just some 1 note CEO with an evil company with shallow motivations. He was a father who was twisted by the pursuit of his goal SO MUCH that he ended up killing his daughter to achieve that goal. He thought he was the hero SO MUCH that he built a city commemorating that fact. And at the end of the day, his hatred for us (the vault hunters) comes from his hatred of those who were responsible for the death of his wife (bandits) and imprisonment of his daughter. His megalomania came over time and was not the ONLY facet of his character. The Calypso Twins are still villans, but just not as well developed or compelling. They are sarcastic, manipulative, and at the end of the day still want “the vault” but their presence cannot be felt in previous games despite not being introduced yet. They are not as “impending” and dont interact with you as much. They dont really feel like a threat. They are just sorta underwhelming and over compensate by making the characters as annoying as possible. They try to mimic Jack by dialing all of his negative qualities up to 10, and thats where you get the twins from.

But what does this have to do with DLC 4? Dont worry I am getting there.

The rest of Borderlands 3 follows the same pattern of trying to mimic 2 in both its DLCs and main game. In borderlands 2 Roland (a past vault hunter) dies at the hands of Jack after the events of the control core. Jack gains a siren, and can now finish charging the vault key. Roland’s death was built up to, and executed well. It provided motivation for the characters to move forward in their quest, and also a greater looming threat since Jack just killed/took 2 of the characters we spent the entire game up to this point getting to know and love. However BL3 does the same thing with the death of Maya (another past vault hunter) after the battle with the rampager. However Maya’s death really does not hit that hard since we only got to know here for about 1/3rd of the game, and the rest of the events following this are devoted to her bratty apprentice Ava blaming Lilith for it occurring. The twins also steal her siren powers (sorta fulfilling the need for a siren on their side, in this case just their powers) and use that to help open (or nearly open) said vault. Maya is our Roland, and the twins are Jack. The situation may be changed, but the roles are exactly the same.

Krieg’s DLC ( DLC 4) fulfills the need for a DLC dedicated to how the character closest to that “Roland figure” deals with the loss. Tiny TIna’s assault on Dragons keep DLC does this well by not only giving us a fun story, but also closure. Its fully fleshed out story wise and may not introduce a lot of ‘new’ lore, but it does give us a better look at the Tina and how she deals with grief. It was not given to us to be a “lore intensive” DLC, it was given to us to resolve a conflict for a character and further flesh Tina out as a character. 

Krieg’s DLC essentially achieved the same thing (although in a rather strange fashion), but it was marketed to us as more “lore intensive”. Going into the mind of a fan favorite who has very little known about him and his origins is a GREAT opportunity to give us new, much needed, lore. Even within the nonsensical confines of Krieg’s mind, we still could have gotten much needed exposition and lore about Krieg and his relationship with Maya. We got SOME of that, but it only seemed to only be limited to the template that Assault on Dragons Keep gave us. Krieg was essentially a much more unstable Tina and the snippets of lore we got were either retcons of previous content or were loose enough that they could have applied to ANYONE who was a patient during the Hyperion slag experiments. We did not really learn anything all that important or new. Does Krieg have a wife and son/daughter? Maybe, but we know nothing about them or if they are still alive. Was Krieg’s eye removed by Dr Benedict or a skag? I dont know, it was mentioned once but that could have literally been any patient in the trials. Did Krieg have a relationship with Maya? Yes, but we literally get to see NONE OF IT. Instead, we get a DLC that is trying to ride the emotional coattails of BL2 and trying to reskin what worked there, here. 

I feel like if the devs did not do try to create another BL2 , and the fans did not expect another BL2 the people would like both DLC 4 and BL3 better. Like, having a quality game is important. But we dont need another BL2 for it to be a good game. 

[dreadnought-dear-captain]

You Asked, I Told

(Note, if this post shows up twice or massively delayed or just looks weird, it’s because it was flagged for adult content [??!] because I had a picture of Willem Dafoe’s face in a gif. I am not even kidding. Do with that information what you will. I’ve removed it and I still don’t know if/when this can be publicly viewed, I’m kind of lolling. So if you see a blocked out photo that looks like porn in your post, I swear it’s just a gif from The Lighthouse!)

Hello, amazing people. This weekend, I’m putting the final touches on my last draft of Baghdad Waltz Chapter 39, which will then go to the beta for one more round of edits. I imagine I will have the chapter posted in 1-3 weeks, which is close to record speed for me, especially since it’s around 30k words. I’m going to be talking about my writing process (at unfortunate length) for one of the asks, for those who are interested. 

Please forgive me. I’m feeling quite verbose and a little squirrely. I blame living alone during lockdown. 

It’s also Memorial Day weekend in the States, which is when we are meant to honor those who gave their lives in military service to this country. This is often confused with Veterans Day (November 11), which is honoring anyone who has served in the military and is no longer serving. This gets further confused with Armed Forces Day (rotating date, May) which is to honor those currently serving in the military. I know, super confusing. 

There’s a wide range of opinions on how Memorial Day should be commemorated, which often involves gathering with friends and family for a barbecue or some other social activity. It’s the first major holiday after a huge holiday drought throughout the late winter and spring, which often makes people look forward to it immensely. Some people feel it’s inappropriate to celebrate Memorial Day with barbecues and fond social gatherings because it’s dishonoring the memories of those who can’t be here, people don’t take time to remember those who have died, people have no idea what the day is actually for, etc. Others, even some very vocal veterans, maintain that people died so that we could be here to celebrate in freedom, so why not relish this life we have? Many offer the caveat that it’s appropriate to at least acknowledge the purpose of the day, even if it’s just in a few minutes of quiet reflection. 

Anyway, I offer this as a little food for thought for this upcoming long weekend. 

(And in case you missed it, I posted a BW Timeline for your reference.) 

Contains spoilers through Chapter 38.

[Takes deep breath]

I’m so glad that you are enjoying the read and that you’re finding it inspiring for your own work. I think my dedication to research for BW is threefold. 1) As this story evolved, I decided that I wanted to create the most realistic depictions of military, civilian, emotional, and physical life that I reasonably could. I will fully admit to lapses in this, deliberate and unintentional, because sometimes the plot just needs to go and I can’t wait around for a year-long medical discharge process for my character. 2) I’m in an academically stringent occupation, and because research is such a prominent part of my work life, it’s bled to my hobby. (IS THIS EVEN A HOBBY ANYMORE?) And 3) I get very easily and passionately obsessed with things and delight in getting “into the weeds” with a subject. Almost every research divergence usually takes me off track for at least an hour. And you will never catch me without an MTA subway map open in at least one tab.

But that wasn’t even your question! Sorry. Are you beginning to get a sense of why BW takes me so long to write?? I cannot keep my shit on track. As for the bibliography, YES! I plan to include that in my author’s note at the end. I wish I had kept better track of all of my works consulted over the past three years, but I will definitely discuss the importance of some of the main ones. I’m so thrilled that you are interested, and I’m excited to share them!

Thank you. This is such a kind thing to say, and I’m humbled and delighted to hear it, especially because our fandom is so blessed with some AMAZING fics. And asks certainly don’t have to be questions! I appreciate them all (except the flaming bag of dog shit ones, which I haven’t had in a while, hooray).

(Re: Chapter 37) Good question! I imagine Claire would want to keep the 1:1 conversation somewhat limited, as she is treating the couple as a patient rather than them as individuals. If anything, she might have somewhat superficially checked in to see if he was okay rather than dive into anything regarding the relationship with Bucky not around. That could be seen as a betrayal of trust to Bucky and could be interpreted as favoritism, which Steve craves and which Bucky is probably terrified about.

I am always pleased when people re-read and enjoy it or get new things out of it, even if it’s sometimes a re-read is a function of my slow-ass writing. I really want a story with good re-read value.

You make an excellent point about Bucky’s relationships. His friendship with Jack also had no real closure. Sometimes this is a factor of circumstance and sometimes it’s because of his avoidance, like a self-fulfilling prophesy almost. He’s learned that people betray you, either by hurting you or dying, so he creates conditions sometimes (often unwittingly) for things to go sour and end poorly, or he will simply make himself disappear so that he’s not hurt and doesn’t have to wait to see if he will be abandoned or betrayed. He’s not a guy who is good with goodbyes.

As for Thor, I totally see how it would read that way. I think Thor started out fishing for longer-term possibilities in a romantic relationship but then realized Bucky is really not a guy who is comfortable settling (which, as we can see, is true). As for why it seems more serious, one thing is that Thor still wanted Bucky in his life as a friend, possibly one with benefits. They have a lot in common, and it’s hard for veterans - and, more specifically, special operators - to find people in their lives they can relate to with these very intense life experiences. I wanted this to be a real relationship, but maybe not necessarily one that was bound to become a RELATIONSHIP. I think Bucky was very intriguing and attractive to him, and he very well may have struggled with his own vacillation between whether to take it seriously or whether to remain friends+. This can lead to mixed messages.

And we also have to remember Bucky’s notoriously unreliable narration, where he will see what he wants to see. Our perspective comes from him. We see the details he zooms in on, miss the one he ignores, view the relationship through the lens of his own contentious desire for a real relationship, even as he consistently demonstrates the lack of capacity and his fear about getting serious. I imagine Bucky has having an extremely poor ability to distinguish friendship from romance, and why wouldn’t he, given the most recent bit of history we have learned about him with Jack? He’s had a series of friendships become sexualized, and I think this affects his capacity to be discerning. Bucky’s radar for relating, whether friendships, romance, or potentially dangerous sexual situations, is terribly mis-calibrated. How confusing for him and for the people in his life. Of course, everyone is free to interpret the dynamics of any relationship however they choose. These are just some of my thoughts.

I really appreciate observations from the re-read! Thank you!

I watched the video and you are right! This is definitely a Bucky song. Bucky’s sense of self is by turns profoundly distorted and lacking in grounding, especially now that he’s not in the military. He’s been in a low key existential crisis since he was a kid and has turned to drinking and sex and war to fill this horrible void, and although I can’t speak for what the artists here intended, I certainly sensed those elements here for sure. (Also, what an interesting choice for a music video…)

Thank you for sharing! I’ll add it to the unofficial BW playlist in the author’s note, which consists of various songs people have associated with BW and shared with me.

Good question! I started off this story picturing the actors who represent the characters in the MCU, because I figured we’d be picturing that when we read the fic anyway (though my beta told me she doesn’t see them as the actors, more like artists’ renderings of the characters, which I find interesting). So when describing their physicality, I tend to refer back to the MCU, since this is technically an MCU AU. But the longer I go with the story, the murkier the resemblance feels to me, especially when I think about Bucky, IDK why. I have also been considering doing something more with BW after I finish it (i.e., converting it into a proper not-bajillion-word novel, sunk cost and whatnot), in which case I would definitely change the characters’ appearance, names, cut MCU Easter eggs, etc. So when I try to think of who these people might be in future iterations of the story, things get even more blurred in my mind when I imagine them.

I wonder how other people see them??

So, with regards to PTSD clinical teams, there is some variation across VAs in the system. Some focus more on military-related trauma, whether it’s war, military sexual trauma, accidents, etc. as a way of concentrating their services and managing supply and demand. From talking with providers in these kinds of systems, sometimes you just NEED a military-related trauma, but you can be treated for, say, a childhood trauma if it’s more pressing. Other VAs are very open in their criteria, and you can see them for pretty much any kind of trauma that qualifies diagnostically for PTSD (or sub-threshold PTSD) without question. That’s why I love the expression “If you’ve been to one VA, you’ve been to one VA.” That said, it kind of doesn’t matter what kind of PTSD clinical team is at the VA in Manhattan, because Bucky has so much military trauma that he would very likely qualify to receive services in any PTSD clinical team. They just might focus on childhood stuff (if Bucky actually let them, which is another matter entirely).

This is a great question! Thanks for asking.

I love a snarky asshole Bucky so much, and I’ve tried to temper this version of him with enough hard-earned genuineness to offset it a little bit. It’s such a tender balance with him, because if you back him too far into a corner, he’s going to let you have it. But if you give him too much space, it’s hard to pin him down and wring something honest from him. He’s definitely learned to use humor and sarcasm to deflect from painful or uncomfortable situations, and it’s a very adaptive short-term strategy that makes him both endearing and infuriating to others.

But ugh, yeah, shit gets so rough around Chapter 28/29. I don’t know how to feel when people have really strong emotional reactions to this story, because one part of me doesn’t want to contribute to the crappy feelings people may already be struggling with — especially in the times of COVID — but I don’t want to be afraid to dive into the hurt these characters are experiencing. That’s why I recommend checking in with oneself before reading to get a sense of how much emotional bandwidth is available to manage the immense problems of two people struggling so much. I also think that for some people it can be cathartic or otherwise not-bad maybe (?), based on the feedback I’ve received. I also really try hard to balance out the painful stuff with growth, even though it can be terribly difficult to locate sometimes.

In comments to folks, and here, I often talk about adjusting the ticks on your measuring stick for progress, where instead of leaps of progress over feet/meters, we may be observing things on an inch/mm scale. This story is my most sincere effort at a “recovery is not linear” narrative, which I think is so much more reflective of real life for a lot of folks than a straight upward trajectory. Humans are such creatures of habit, and the lessons these characters have learned through their lives about themselves, trust, relationships, and how to manage emotions are very deeply ingrained — often through traumatic means. These are the lessons learned the hardest, with the greatest perceived consequences for change, and it takes real courage for us to be able to try new things even once, let alone to establish a reliable pattern of behavior. This can lead to a lot of frustration for us as readers/writer, and I come from a place of this being okay, because we are encountering a parallel process with the characters, who are frustrated with each other and themselves about the same things. I do hope the pain/progress/joy ratios are not horribly out of whack most of the time. That’s another reason I like long chapters, because if this was just blips of sometimes terrible episodes in shorter form, I think it would be very challenging to not lose hope entirely.

But I’m so glad you’re finding the read meaningful, even if it’s sometimes painful and difficult.

(YES.)

And FINALLY -- (this is all soooo long, I’m so sorry.)

Oh, thank you for this question! My spreadsheet ended up getting too difficult to manage, and I actually had a small crisis six months ago about how the fic was going to end, because it just didn’t feel right. I had to scrap it and go back to the drawing board and really ask myself - what would these characters really do? Naturally, as a factor of their psychologies and circumstances, how will they bring this story to an end? Some advice I once heard about a “satisfying” ending is that it’s the place where there’s simply nothing more to say about the characters. There’s no more story to tell. I had to abandon all of my desires  and ideas for a particular ending or concerns about making people sad or happy or excited or disappointed. I know that the only ending that will be satisfying is one that makes sense for these people. Anything contrived or backward-engineer-y wouldn’t feel right to anyone. I do have a couple of specific character arc things I want to happen, so I set those down as touchstones and said, okay, what would happen next? What would Steve do with this? And what would Bucky do with this? And what would they do with the thing the other person did? I take a very psychology and prior-behavior-based approach to plotting, almost all character driven. The rest is just figuring out what is supposed to go where and how to organize it.

I’ve converted everything to a Google Doc and have a very basic outline where I write plotty-plot stuff. I also have a “garbage dump” doc where I write certain lines I want to use or certain details I want to include somewhere. When I get into a new chapter, I’ll check the dump doc as I outline and write to see if I want to pluck anything from there. I have my outline open regularly to add to it. Sometimes I write scenes out of order, dialogue first, but that’s only if I really am excited about a particular scene and cannot contain myself. Otherwise, I write completely chronologically and have no buffer. I post things as soon as I write them.

As for your specific questions, I do have a “process” for getting into my characters’ heads. It helps to know them so very well and to have a firm sense of their idiosyncrasies and patterns of behavior. As you may have noticed, they repeat their patterns all. the. time, as humans do, but I also want to have them change their behaviors a little as things go and they progress. So I may wonder what they could do a little differently, why they would WANT to behave differently, and imagine what they would need to do to change their behavior. Do they need to take breaths? Do they remember the last time some shit went down? I really try to think of the “how” and “why” of every single action - from big blowouts to eye rolls.

So once I’ve figured out what they are going to do, I try to pinpoint the associated emotions I want to highlight. This is a whole separate process, because I have to think also about their internal versus their external emotional states. Steve, for example, will often have a discrepant inside and outside, because one of the truths about his character is that he is a chronic suppressor. There is also the issue of unreliable narration and interpretation of behavior. Steve might do something in a scene, but that doesn’t mean Bucky is going to interpret it the way it was intended. I have to think about their individual filters, which often reflect their internal beliefs about themselves. Bucky is more likely to read Steve’s actions as reflections of how BUCKY feels about HIMSELF (e.g., he’s disgusted by me because I’m disgusting) rather than imagine what Steve is really thinking based on his own experiences and beliefs about Bucky. I also attempt to convey some of the more second and third layer emotions that people have in situations, rather than only highlighting the primary emotion. Sad things don’t always just make people sad. Powerful emotions, for example, might make Steve feel out of control of himself, which could generate secondary emotions for him like frustration because he’s losing control. Part of the process in the construction of the narrative is also scrubbing what I’ve written for POV, because Bucky’s word choices aren’t the same as Steve’s, and in order to try to preserve the “voice” of each character, I often have to change the words I’ve opted to use, as well as the syntax.

So, as you can see, there’s a lot of layering that is happening all the time. As for the dialogue, I have no compunction about saying the lines aloud, “acting” them to see how they sound, to get a sense of what tone I want them to say things in. Now that I think of it, I do a bit of movement-based stuff, thinking about how people sit and stand, figuring how many steps it takes to get from A-Z, what it would look like to lean against something, how it would feel on the body, etc. I try to get the most felt sense of things as I can. If I’m imagining a scene, I try to put myself in the shoes of the characters to the point where I feel the emotions, just so I can know how it reflects in my body and my mind and behavior. I have more than once gotten drunk and drunk-written drunk Bucky then gone to clean it up later, as drunk writing can generate some great content I never would have been able to come up with sober, but the form, grammar, spelling, etc. is often rubbish. I also talk a LOT to my beta about all of this stuff, and I have certain friends and acquaintances in the fandom who are my consultants for various things.

So, I’m somewhat method I guess?? Is that a thing?? I dunno. It’s not hard to do when you live and breathe a story. It’s required a deep level of interest in - quite possibly an obsession with - the characters and their lives. I adore my characters, not in a self-congratulatory way, but because they feel so real to me. So it’s a joy to plan and write -- though I do hate first drafts with a passion.

OH - I also sometimes fast-draft chapters, which I did for 39. That is, write as FAST AS YOU CAN with no regard for how shitty the writing is. I wrote 10k words in a week, which was a finished fast-draft for me, and thus I had a very good felt sense of what was going to happen in the chapter, which felt amazing. It requires intensive outlining before, and nearly every word had to be rewritten, but one of the greatest frustrations of a story for me is having blank space ahead. Re-writing is way more fun than first draft writing. I have fluffed it up twofold with higher quality content, which I did all in less than two months…!! 

-------------------------

Well, this is surely my most unnecessarily yammering YAIT in history. But I hope it at least conveys my enthusiasm for these wonderful asks! It’s so lovely to hear from all of you, even if I take an eon to get back to you. Hang in there, everyone!

@grimshady @hutchhitched​ @b0n3l3ssm1lk​ 

(And thank you to @bae-buckyaboveeverything​ for the shout out. You made my day<3)

[magical-beans]

Chapter 3: The Suicide Squad (Danganronpa x Reader)

(The chapter title is a movie reference only.)

(G/N) = Given Name

(N/N) = Nickname

Possible trigger warnings: mentions of guns, panic attack (nothing graphic)

~死~

Not long after the Office Incident -- merely what Kokichi is calling it now as a short term solution.  He needs a better name than that to retell his much more enthused, dramatic version of the story -- Kokichi called an official DICE meeting.

To be honest, the call was kind of a shock to the other nine members.  They don't often get together anymore now that business is booming, and someone has to supervise.  The only time they really see each other is for heists, and those are only after throwing around several ideas about the next location.  The only things filling their text thread currently are awful memes and check-ins.

It was even more of a shock to discover why he'd called.

~死~

Hearts — Shinzou Yuu — is monitoring the Chinese base of operations when he receives the call from Kokichi.

"What's up, Boss?"

The call isn't necessarily unusual: Kokichi often likes to call Yuu and complain, lamenting about this and that. Yuu's used to it by now.

"Shi-chaaan! You have to help me! I'm traumatized! Someone attacked me with a big, bad gun, and it was sooo scary!"

This should be alarming.

It's not.

It might have been if his voice wasn't whiny and drawn out — if he attempted to be serious for once: but he hadn't. Things don't scare Ouma Kokichi. Not anymore, at least.

Yuu sighs, prepping himself to deal with the worst of Kokichi's dramatics.

There is an odd shuffling sound, and Kokichi's mocking laughter follows. It spills through the speaker on Yuu's end, muffled, as though Kokichi has pulled away from his phone. Yuu thinks nothing of it.

"That's horrible, Boss." Yuu humors him with his words, but his tone is monotonous. Thankfully, that's all it takes to avoid Kokichi's obnoxious crocodile tears. "You aren't hurt, are you?"

"Hurt!? Of course not! I'm the Great Supreme Leader of DICE! I have people who would become my human shield if I so much as lifted a finger!"

This is true, but they both don't like to think about it.

The laughter rings out again on Kokichi's end, muffled once more and followed by a playful "Shut up, (N/N)-chan!" Now that is odd.

"Boss, you got someone tied up on your side?"

"Yup yup! That's actually why I called! I got myself a professional human shield! They're awfully grumpy, though, so I might have to kill them before they can do their job!"

His voice is still playful, but this isn't a laughing matter. There hasn't been a case in the last four years of Kokichi finding an orphan interesting enough to introduce to his closest friends. The innermost group of DICE — the heart of it all — is exclusive. They had built DICE from the ground up, and that's special in their hearts. To have someone join that...an outsider, well...

Yuu breathes in deep, closing his eyes momentarily, then sighs. If Kokichi wants to meddle, it's not his problem.

There is a reason Kokichi had called Yuu first.

"I'd love to meet them, Boss," Yuu says, and he knows his voice sounds tired. "Be careful. We trust your judgment, but some of us can be hardheaded."

"Thanks, Shi-chan. When you wrap up business in China, head on back, 'kay?"

Kokichi's voice is softer now, more fond.

Yuu smiles slightly. This new person must really be something special.

~死~

"Hey, Love, what's hangin'?"

Jack — Ippanjin Mayumi — has picked up the phone in Argentina, her syrupy sweet drawl traveling smoothly through the long-distance connection. She traps her phone between her ear and shoulder before continuing to paint her nails.

"Nishi~ Yumi-chan, there's someone I'd like you to meet!" Kokichi giggles.

Mayumi grins. Two can play that game. And she would admit, she is a little curious.

"A romantic partner, Dear? Don't you think it's too early for them to meet your parents? You should know better than to move too fast." Stepping into the role of Mom isn't so hard: playing it for four years will do that to you.  

Kokichi giggles some more and then drops his voice into something akin to earnest.

"They might be the one, Mom."

Mayumi stills, nearly smudging the deep purple on her nails.

"Oh?" She tries carefully, concealing any emotion in her voice. "Is that so?"

"Could you come back to meet them, Yumi-chan? I think you'll like them."

He sounds a little nervous. He must have known this would be a tough call. Adopting is cool and all, but it is also a big decision. Mayumi isn't sure how she feels about adding another person to their tight-knit group. Kokichi seems certain, though. That should be enough.

Mayumi sighs into the phone, resuming her nail painting.

"All right, then. See you in a few weeks, Love."

~死~

King and Spades — Osama Akihiko and Suki Ryuunosuke respectively — race for the phone when it goes off. There's a flurry of limbs and blows, each one trying to hinder the other from reaching it first.

The phone is on its last ring when Ryuunosuke reaches out to grab it and answer triumphantly, Akihiko sprawled on the floor with a pout.

"Heya, Boss! This is Super Evil Demon Number One speaking, how can I help you?"

"Hey, how come you're number one?" Akihiko whines petulantly from his spot on the floor, and Ryuu sticks his tongue out at him.

"'Cause I got here first, Dumbass!"

Kokichi giggles at their banter.

"Well, my loyal servant," Kokichi begins, a haughty tone possessing his voice, "I need to speak with your lesser demon as well."

Ryuu grins. "Lesser Demon indeed!" He says into the phone before turning to Akihiko. "Get up, Hiko. Kichi wants to talk to you, too."

Akihiko sniffles a bit before getting up, wiping his nose, and Ryuunosuke puts the phone on speaker.

"Hey, Kokichi," Akihiko sighs into the phone, the dejectedness palpable.

"That's no way for a prince of Hell to be speaking, now, is it? Be proud of the havoc you wreak!"

Akihiko sniffles again, but this time it's followed by a smile.

Ryuunosuke frowns.

"Why is he a prince and I'm not!? I thought you said he was my lesser demon!" Ryuu whines.

"You're the High General, duh!" Kokichi says brightly. "You have way more power than he does, commanding armies and stuff. Akihiko just has his gross libraries." A faux gagging sound comes from Kokichi's side of the line.

Akihiko huffs, trying to seem both offended and arrogant, but he's proud of his new title. Ryuu can't blame him: High General is pretty freaking cool, too.

"Your Majesty, Sir, how can I be of service to this kingdom today?" Akihiko asks, bowing even though Kokichi can't see it. Ryuu snorts, jabbing him in the side. That earns him one back. That starts a tasing war.

"It's a big request. Are you sure you can handle it?" Kokichi challenges teasingly. Ryuunosuke salutes the phone, as a High General should, and Akihiko snickers. Ryuu tases him harder this time, and Hiko bends over, clutching his side. Serves him right!

"Of course we can, Sir! We won't let you down!" Ryuu is practically shouting, still in salute position.

"Have faith, My King." Akihiko is upright again, composing himself and smoothing out his blazer. "There is nothing we cannot do."

Kokichi's deep breath is audible through the speaker, and both boys tense. If their leader is nervous, it must be something big.

"Someone will be joining your legion soon. I'd like you to return to the castle and train them as soon as possible."

It takes a second, but another grin cracks across Ryuu's face and a soft smile dusts Akihiko's. That's all?

"I don't know why you're nervous, Boss. If you picked 'em, I'm sure they'll survive our impossible training!"

"Under our care, they will be nothing short of perfect. Rest easy, Your Highness."The pair looks at each other, and smiles widen. Ryuu bumps shoulders with his partner in crime (one of them, anyway).

He's not expecting Akihiko to frown.

"What makes you think you can touch me? Me, a prince?"

"I'm a High General! I command the armies!"

"I am royalty, you swine!"

With an angered growl, Ryuu tackles Akihiko to the floor and another wrestling match begins. The phone is discarded, forgotten, and Kokichi's laughter trickles briefly through the speaker before it's cut off, call ending.

~死~

The last five minutes have just been the two of them shouting and elongating each other's names across the phone.

"Taaaaarou!"

"'Kiiiiiiichi!"

Kokichi finally breaks down in giggles.

"Tarou-chan! I miss you!"

Dealer — Diira Tarou — is in America.

Specifically, he's gorging himself on a pound's worth of McDonald's' cheeseburgers and about three large cartons of fries in the safety of DICE headquarters, New York, but details, shmetails.

"Well, I miss you, too, Boss," He says around a mouthful, "Wha'd' ya need?"

"Why would I need anything, Tarou-chan? Can't I check in with my subordinates like a good boss?"

"Well sure, but ya wouldn't call. Is it something big? I can try smuggling these fries back home. It'll be tough, but I guarantee the amount of salt is worth it. This is the kind of heart attack that's worth it."

"Tarou-chan!" Kokichi scolds, but Tarou can picture the smile on his face.

Tarou's laughter is full-bodied, and it shakes him in his entirety. He leans back in his plush swivel chair and props his feet up in the one across from him.

"Can't say I'm sorry, Boss, but I respect your decision. What'cha got for me, then?" Tarou snatches another cheeseburger, chowing down.

"Y'know, I made a friend recently."

"Oh?" Tarou reaches for a fry.

"Yeah. The day after I met them, they ate a whole pizza. A whole one. All by themself. In, like, fifteen minutes. It was gross."

Tarou laughs again but pauses when he hears commotion on Kokichi's end. His boss is snickering, and another voice — one Tarou doesn't recognize — is audible. The voice sounds exasperated, though its words are unintelligible.

Tarou understands, now, why his boss had called.

"Ya'know that if they can't beat me in an eating contest, they can't stay, right?" He says jokingly, a soft smile on his face. Kokichi, though, gives a sage hum of acknowledgment.

"I'll start starving them right now."

The person in the room starts to yell, and Kokichi laughs out loud, nothing like his signature giggle.

Tarou knows already that this person is here to stay.

~死~

"Emi-chan, I want to try on all your new dresses when you get back."

Queen — Ojoou Emi — has been stationed in France, dealing with most of Europe. (Even though there are two of them, King and Spades never get anything done.)

"I was planning on it, Ko-chan! There is this cute purple one that you'll like! Oh, and I got this pair of shoes to go with it and I love them!" Emi sing-songs.

"But your feet are too big, Emi-chan! I can't wear your shoes because my feet are dainty! Ogre shoes won't look any good!"

"I don't know, Ko-chan. You need something to balance out that enormous head of yours." The banter is playful, familiar. Emi doesn't know why Kokichi called, but she's glad he's okay.

"I don't know what you mean, Emi-chan! I'm cute, small, innocent, and perfect!" Emi giggles.  She agrees, for the most part, because he is cute and small and perfect (innocent, though? That's a stretch), but she can't say that to his face. She isn't wrong about his head; it can't take any more inflating.

"Although..." Kokichi trails off, and he says something else, but Emi can't understand him. He must have lowered the phone, but she can't imagine who he could be talking to. "Aha! They do have feet bigger than yours! They're taller than you, though, so I don't know if they count as Ogre Feet."

This makes Emi pause. Who is he talking about?

"Aw, Emi-chan! Can't think of anything to refute this fact that your brilliant leader has presented you with? It seems I've gotten smarter in your absence! I didn't know idiocy was infectious! It must be like STDs, Emi-chan! Now you have to warn someone before you engage in intercourse; otherwise, you could get sued! I should sue you, y'know, for infecting me with your stupidity. I can't afford to get dumber: the world needs me!"

"Who are they?" Emi whimpers softly, shaking with the effort of holding in a whine and ignoring his jabs at her intelligence. She feels heartbroken, like something special she once had is now no longer her own. The tears pricking at the corners of her eyes sting.

Kokichi's monologue stops, and when he speaks next, his voice matches hers.

"They saved my life, Emi-chan. They ran into machine-gun fire to save my life and the lives of probably a hundred others. They're ten, and they're in so much pain, too much pain. And they've never taken a life, no matter how hard life gets. I'm pretty sure they can't take a life. And Emi-chan-" he pauses briefly, listening to Emi choke on a sob before continuing.

"Their smile is the most beautiful thing you'll ever see, Emi-chan. You're going to love them."

Emi sniffles, the tears slipping down her cheeks hot and shameful. She's jealous. She knows she shouldn't be.

Kokichi takes a different approach to calm her down.

"They haven't cut their hair in a long time. If you ask nicely, they may let you play with it, scissors and everything."

Emi's hiccuped laugh is gross but relieved — one short chortle.

Kokichi doesn't even attempt to hide his sigh of relief, breathing out his nervous anticipation.

"I think you'd have a lot of fun dressing them up, too. They don't have a lot of clothes, so they'll have to trust your fantastic fashion sense."

She's smiling now, small and content despite the ugly feeling rolling in her gut.

"Okay, Kokichi. I can't wait to meet them."

"You'll always be my twin, Emi-chan. No one can replace you."

The gross feeling begins to fade. Ouma Kokichi is rarely so soft, so kind, so quiet. Emi loves him like this. Maybe this additional person won't be so bad if they're worth his heart.

~死~

Clubs — Karabu Nobutoshi — is out on the water off the coast of Sydney, Australia when Kokichi calls. He grins.

"You caught me at a good time, Boss. Just made it past the pier. What's going on?" One hand on the wheel, he turns his small schooner downwind, and Nobutoshi grins wider at the thrill in his stomach at the feeling of gliding over the water. Sailing is the best.

"No fair, Toshi-chan! You're having fun without me!" Kokichi whines, and Nobutoshi can see his pout. "Now you have to take me sailing when you come back!"

He laughs, throwing his head back and adjusting the wheel slightly.

"It's cold in Japan right now! You'd have to wait a bit." Then he realizes. "Wait. Come back? Did something happen? Are you all right?"

"Aww, how nice of you to worry about me! You're so sweet, Toshi-chan!"

"Seriously, Kichi. Is it an emergency? I can book a plane ticket home for tomorrow if-"

"Relax, Toshi-chan." Kokichi's playful tone disappears, and he instead adopts a more genuine air. "I'm okay, but I want you to head home once you wrap up business in Australia."

Nobutoshi sighs in relief.

"... Could you tell me why?" He asks, now more curious than worried but still a little hesitant.

"Well..." Oh no. Toshi can hear his grin. "There was some trouble. There was a gun and-"

"A gun! Kokichi, I swear!"

Kokichi laughs.

"Yup! A gun, Toshi-chan, and the evil villain who had the gun wanted me dead!"

"You literally just told me to relax, then you spring this on me. C'mon, Kokichi, I'm getting old! My heart can't take this!"

Forget about sailing, this little gremlin takes up all his time! Nobutoshi clicks on autopilot and rubs his face with his now-free hand. He would need the entirety of his focus for this conversation.

"What!? You're only sixteen, Toshi-chan! Don't worry about me, we need to worry about you!" Kokichi exclaims, sounding not the least bit concerned. Toshi smiles into his hand.

"Well, now you gotta tell me," Nobutoshi says, "because if you leave me on the cliffhanger, I will die of a heart attack and you'll need to dig my body out of the middle of the ocean."

As if he's mulling it over, Kokichi hums, then says, "Well, I guess we can't have that, so I'll tell you. There was a gun, but someone saved me! They beat up the big, bad villain and broke his gun! That's why I'm calling, Toshi-chan: because I want you to meet my savior!"

Okay, so that took a turn at the end. Nobutoshi was not expecting that, not in the slightest.

"Someone new, huh?"Kokichi pauses before he answers. "Yeah. They're a total dork like you, Toshi-chan, so I think you'll get along well."

Nobutoshi forces his brain to work again, forces himself to process the conversation, forces himself to breathe right.

The first breath is too harsh, making noise as it rushes out his nose.

It feels like so long ago now, but after running away from his latest orphanage with Tarou, Kokichi had found them on the streets. At first, they talked. For a long time. About anything and everything and nothing in particular. And then Kokichi brought them back to an abandoned building. It was old and dirty and warm and cozy and everything that home should be. They both stayed the night. And the one after that. Then suddenly they were family, him and Tarou and the small boy with a doll's face and his ragtag bunch of friends.

Family isn't born on a whim.

But then again, Kokichi found them all, so...

Toshi looks out over the calm ocean, drinking in the expanse of blue, and breathes again, slowly this time.

So maybe he should trust Kokichi's judgment. Toshi had trusted him this far; he could go a little further.

"Yeah, maybe we will."

~死~

Trick — Damasu Airi — is surprised to feel a buzzing in her back pocket as she's racing through the outskirts of the Congo Rainforest. She stops for a moment to answer, settling into the nook of a gigantic tree and catching her breath. When she sees the caller ID, she smiles and quickly picks up.

"Hi, Nii-chan," she breathes into the phone, so ecstatic to talk to him.

"Hi, Airi-chan," he says just as softly, and Airi squirms with a feeling of satisfaction, her smile widening. "How are you doing?"

"I'm good, Nii-chan. The trees are pretty and soft here." And it's true. The people are also really nice, especially when she brings food and supplies. Even though they can't understand each other, they are always so eager to help.

"That sounds like fun!" The smile in his voice makes her smile.

"Mhm."

Airi is content to just listen to Kokichi breathe into the phone, and they sit in silence for a bit before he speaks again.

"Airi-chan," he begins, oh so softly. She loves him. "I called to talk to you about something important."

He sounds serious. Airi freezes. Did she do something wrong? Is he getting rid of her? Is she never going to see him again? What's-

"Can you come home? I miss you."

Oh. Yeah, she can do that.

"I miss you, too, Nii-chan."

"I wanted to warn you, though. There is a reason I'd like to see you again." It's okay, a warning doesn't mean anything bad for her, he misses her-

"There's someone I want you to meet."

No. No. Someone new? No way. This new person will make him realize that she doesn't do anything, that she's useless. This new person will take him away from her. He'll leave her all alone and she'll get hurt again and everything will be so cold. She's so useless. Why couldn't she help him? Make him want to keep her? Why can't she stay and be loved and warm and have no new people and-

"Airi-chan." Nii-chan's voice sounds so grainy through the phone. It's another reminder he's not here with her. "I need you to breathe, Airi-chan. Please?"

She can do that. But maybe she can't. Her breath stutters, and it's so hard to get it through her nose and-

"Good job, Airi-chan. Can you do it again for me? Nice and slow."

She loves the way he says her name. She can do it again. For him.

"Good. Keep breathing for me, okay? Can you name five things you can see?"

She can do that, too. When he tells her she's done well, the warm and fuzzy feeling comes back in her chest. She likes that.

"The moss... the leaves... a bird... the dirt... and... the tree branches."

"Hmm, now four things you can hear?"

He goes through the rest of the sequence with her, slow and patient. They've perfected this through all the times it's happened before, and now she's breathing evenly again.

Okay, someone new.

"Their name is (G/N), and they like to protect people from bad guys. They protected me."

Airi likes the way their name sounds, this stranger, so soft and round as she tries it out on her tongue. And they like to protect. Are they like Nii-chan? She might like them if they're like Nii-chan.

"Okay."

Kokichi knows what her word entails, and that's enough.

~死~

Diamonds — Naiya Ren — calls Kokichi first.

"I'm not surprised you called me last," is the first thing he says when Kokichi picks up.

Kokichi hesitates for a moment. Ren takes advantage of his silence.

"If you want to know how I know, Mayumi called.  She said to be ready.  I figured I'd make the first move."

Kokichi stays silent. Good, that means he's willing to hear Ren out.

Ren has been with him since the beginning. The very beginning. As is, the time where DICE was still a fantasy in Kokichi's head. Back when he would share his dreams with Ren while they would play chess with their makeshift set of rocks and chalk and beat-up checkers pieces.

Kokichi's bleeding heart has always been tempered by Ren's calculated indifference.

"I have no issues with employing people around the world to do office jobs and run service counters," Ren says, "but I have told you I don't like it when people get too close to you. You are in a very high-risk position, Kokichi; you're a high profile target. Anyone could want you dead."

"They know who I am." With none of its usual mischief and lightheartedness, Kokichi's voice is lifeless. "They knew who I was when they saved my life."

"Which you, Kokichi?" Ren already knows.

"Does it matter?" He sounds close to tears.

"Of course it matters. Joker is not the same person as Ouma Kokichi and you know it."

The tears are streaming down Kokichi's face now. Ren can't hear them, but he knows.

"I'm making an assumption here, but I don't understand why you told them about DICE, the true DICE, and mentioned nothing to the rest of us. I get that this is your organization, your idea, but I can't help but feel that this is something that belongs to all of us." It almost hurts to say this to him, to treat him like he doesn't feel the same way the rest of them do about this entire thing, but it needs to be done.

"It does. Belong to all of us, I mean. I can't take all the credit, you know." Kokichi's typical speech patterns without his mischief to play along make his words sound eerie and robotic. It's a wonder how he can speak so calmly through his most emotional moments.

"I never meant to imply that you did." That's a lie. "But it belongs to us. Not someone who doesn't know the value of what we've built. Who doesn't understand the journey from the bottom to the top. Who can't appreciate it the same way we do. It doesn't feel fair. This may be petty of me, but I may be the only one who will say this to you. You're too smart to have called us all without expecting this reaction, this feeling."

"I think you're wrong. About the journey. Maybe not with DICE, but they know. And they'll know DICE, too."

Ren sighs. If this is enough to bring him to genuine tears, and enough to keep him fighting after hearing all this, perhaps Ren can hear him out.

There is one question that weighs heavier than all the rest in his mind.

"What makes them so interesting?"

He knows Kokichi. Better than anyone. Playing round after round of chess will do that to you. You get to know how a person's mind works, how fast it works. Kokichi is the smartest person he knows. He doesn't like things that bore him easily.

"What about them is so mysterious that makes you want to keep them around."

Because that's what it's always been. Each person Kokichi has picked up off the street has something more to them than their tragic backstory.

"Their smile."

Shit.

He's getting teary over a smile?

"Fine." Ren gives up. He wasn't sure he would even win this argument in the first place. "I'll meet them. I make no promises about what happens after that."

"Thank you. That's all I ask."

Damnit.

He got played, didn't he?

~死~

As Kokichi puts the phone down for the eighth and final time, he turns to face you with an enormous grin on his face.

"Now," he says, a mischievous smile on his lips, "We wait."

You look at him, trying to decipher what that smile means, whether it's genuine, but give up after a few seconds. You can't read the perfect mask on his face.

At least, not yet.

~死~

I’m actually really surprised that I managed to get this chapter out so soon.

Finally made it to DICE!  I hope you enjoyed their characters as much as I enjoyed writing them.  This is my take on DICE, and if you disagree, that’s fine, let’s agree to disagree.  I’ve seen other representations of these characters before, so I thought I’d try my hand.  I also tried my best to write a panic attack, so I hope I did okay on that, too. 

Thanks for reading!  I’ll be back next week.

[moonlightheretic]

WIP Wednesday The Heretic: Chapter Unknown

“Where are we?” I struggled to find my bearings in this dark tunnel. The ground seemed unstable, pebbles shifting underfoot. My hands reached out in a blind haste for something solid to guide me through the dark. The walls practically disintegrated at my touch and nearly caved inwards. I did not feel safe. This place was one wrong step away from total collapse. I stumbled, my feet slipping into the rock ridden path, his hand caught my arm.

“You do not need to know.” He answered simply, pulling me to my feet.

It was becoming his go-to reply for everything I asked. I wasn’t satisfied with it. He watched my struggle and called flame to his hand, the hollowed cave’s secrets scattered into the shadows cast by the wiggling ignition. “You have stripped me of my weapons and most of my dignity. Do you mean to strip me of basic information as well? Am I so scary to you, Dread Wolf?” I challenged. Bitterness chewing through my words.

“They elected you as Inquisitor, not for your skill in battle alone. You are formidable. In any case, there is no benefit in informing you, it will make little difference. You will activate this one, as done previously.” His voice dipped into the octaves of an order.

“Where are we?” I pressed. “I want to know what you will destroy.” I stood firm, shoulders squared, refusing to tread further. He turned to face me, the blaze in his hand distorting the shadows across the planes of his face.

“When has any truth of my plans comforted you? Or perhaps, any truth at all? You live, stuck in a halcyon that never existed and you yearn for its return.”

“And who painted that pretty picture for me? This impressive hiraeth? A lie built on lies, a tower, and then brick by brick, a rotunda, and finally, a castle! What a beautiful empire you raised. Such an artist as you perhaps, should have erected that on Skyhold’s walls.”

We dove into a thick silence, neither of us giving in. I could almost see him biting his tongue, any remark quelled by fledgling self-control. He took a breath and smiled.

“You evade blame almost as skillfully as you evaded me, ah, but then again, where are you know?” He tilted his head, his left brow raised. “I wonder, what more dances have you that I not discovered yet?”

“I believe it was you who taught me to dance, Solas. I cannot take credit for my skills, when I have the master in front of me.” I gestured to him.

A muscle in his neck twitched and the fire cradled in his fingers strengthened significantly, staining his skin red.

“There is work to be done. Enough.” Even though the fire was causing us both to sweat in this enclosed space, his words were of pure ice.

We advanced upon this hovel, a crumbling crooked crevice of rock and stalagmites, dripping with Maker knows what. His steps were full of confidence and prior knowledge, muscle attuned with memory. He maneuvered past the tight angles with experience. He had been here before, perhaps?

“Whose bright idea was to locate an artifact in this dreadful place?” I snapped, as I was compelled to duck when a bat screeched by my head. Ah, but if a bat made its home here, surely there was an additional entrance to this hollowed nightmare.

He answered me with a chuckle and then reassured, “It isn’t far. Have patience, Inquisitor.” Ah, so he was no longer angered by my words, or had he folded the displeasure up and saved it for later?

I grabbed his illuminated jaw and snapped his head towards me. “Patience? I waited for you! With each year passing no more than a decade of drought! I have been patient, Solas.”  I wasn’t expecting a simple comment to provoke such raw emotion into my words, but there I was, fingers digging into the flesh of his jaw.

Solas’s eyes crept over my face, tracing every detail with his heavy gaze. “And so you have me.” He remarked gruffly and shrugged me off. A small draft tingled against my skin, the blooming flame flickered and listed, perhaps a vein in this stone body led to freedom, after all. But, I could only see what his flaming palm afforded me.

I felt it before I saw it. The anchor reacted, fizzling, smoke-like, and churning the air around it a greenish hue. My first reaction was to recoil and hide it within my cloak. Solas’s armored arm slithered into the fold of my cloak, the fabric hissing against his metal arm guards. He held onto my throbbing hand, pulling it from its hiding place, cool fingers calming my shivering ones, he presented it to the artifact before us.  Mist entrapped light uncoiled around the artifact, as if we had woken it from a long slumber, its light stretched and billowed in flight, like a flag caught in the wind and it rippled and convulsed, as if it was rejoicing. A warm welcome, indeed. A statue loomed behind, a winged and headless figure of a woman. Mythal. She was immured in this foul place, a feeling of sorrow washed over me.

“We are within the Vimmark Mountains.” He informed, sullen and remorseful, his eyes lingering on the statue.

A mountain chain, opportunity screamed into my mind. Then we could be in the vicinity of Kirkwall or even Ostwick, or rather, it was also possible we were somewhere in between. What mattered the most was the very fact that we were under a mountain.

“Surely, this place has significance.” I argued, playing along, with my eyes following his.

“Indeed.” He whispered.

Solas closed his palm and in doing so, snuffed out his flame. We were bathed in a greenish and golden light, I stole a glance, his mouth set in a hard line, eyes devoid of emotion, and in doing so, he gave me nothing. Unreadable. He was skilled not only in magic, but also, in masking his intentions. He was undeniably powerful, but so was I.

My heart hammered in my chest, possibly my only chance at stopping the Dread Wolf lay within these simple and faulty rock walls, carved out by water. Maybe, I did not need my little dagger, for it, could not compare with a mountain.

The next set of actions were to be done without instruction, as they were no different than the times prior. But this time, everything would be different. Hesitation would no longer best me.

I neared the artifact, Solas stepped behind me and observed. I lifted my hand and waited, the artifact pulsated with green waves of light surging upwards, and revealing thousands of tiny eyes glaring back at us in this aphotic sanctuary. Fucking bats.

I felt my release and I moved closer to it, the lights brightened in response, and I wondered, could I not only activate the artifact with the anchor, but also destroy it? Hell, I could bring this entire cave down and trap him in, weaponize our very surroundings…and so I did. I had only used the anchor’s power as much as I required of it, in the past, I was too careful to abuse it. That some calamity might befall myself and others if I used it for anything but its intended purpose, but what I needed most was in fact, calamity, itself.

I opened a rift right into the very center of the artifact. In less than a blink of an eye, it exploded into a shower of glass and stone, its ancient powers reveling in the new found freedom. In an instant, the small pocket of this mountain, shuddered and began to collapse, as the rift twisted it into its own shape, pulling and knotting, then thrusting and flailing. The bats flew to an escape as dust, stalagmites and murky water rained down, then chunks of rock plummeted downwards until the very ceiling threatened to fold in like a deck of cards. I tried to avoid the falling debris as the area shook, thunderous and vengeful. I could hear the bats, screeching in terror and I made my way to follow them.

“Moon’Hwa!” Solas roared. Eyes lit, his hands invoked a barrier, though as the mountain piled high, he was struggling to hold it. He gritted his teeth and grunted under the weight, too preoccupied to stop me, for if he let go, we would surely be buried. So this was his limit. I crawled along the ground, my back was pelted with rocks and earth. I covered my head with one hand and dug through debris with the other. He fell to his knee behind me, his gaze burning a hole in my back. The consequences of my actions stopped ricocheting from my body, I peered upwards to realize that his barrier was stretching, enveloping me within its safety.-----------------

So I am not sure where this chapter is going to end up...as in numerically where it will sit. It is not done yet...but it is further along then what I posted. I fear it will be too long to post here in full. 

@followingthewolf | @noire-pandora | @kita-lavellan | @jarakrisafis @stratsome-jack | @musetta3 | @weird-in-thedas | @eccentriccoffeebird | @5lazarus | @shadowcrow @anavakarian | @mrstethras | @silvanils @sratsome-jack 

[recentanimenews]

Bookshelf Briefs 9/30/20

Accomplishments of the Duke’s Daughter, Vol. 6 | By Reai and Suki Umemiya | Seven Seas – Another series down to “once a year” release—I had to jog my memory at the start to recall what had been happening. Many things are going wrong for our heroine, who is trying to be strong and tough but is also starting to break down, and I felt that the scenes with her and Dean struck just the right balance of comforting and letting the heroine cry without making her seem weaker. This sets the stage for her comeback, which is extraordinary. (And also has a corrupt Church, a constant in Japanese light novels, though at least here there are also honest and good religious people in it.) That said, eventually Dean’s identity will come out, and I do wonder how this very good “villainess” isekai will handle it. – Sean Gaffney

The Ancient Magus’ Bride: Jack Flash and the Faerie Case Files, Vol. 1 | By Yu Godai, Mako Oikawa, and Kore Yamazaki | Seven Seas – A faerie switched at birth for a human child, Jack never fit in in either world. Only in the mortal realm could she earn money for anime collectibles, however, so she decided to make herself into a tough, capable woman like her literary heroes and set up shop as a detective. Together with her fellow changeling, Larry the werewolf, Jack takes on supernatural cases in New York City. In this volume, Lindel tasks them with tracking down a missing dragon egg. I liked the resources Jack uses to obtain information, which include a dapper theatre ghost and a spell with components of rat whiskers and taxi tires because “Nobody out there knows this city better than them.” I still found this a bit hard to get into, though, especially the parts involving a perpetually tearful off-off-off-off-Broadway actress and her pickpocket boyfriend. Still, I will check out volume two! – Michelle Smith

Black Clover, Vol. 22 | By Yuki Tabata | Viz Media – At long last, this interminable arc comes to an end. I enjoyed a lot of it, but I cannot deny it should have been about two volumes shorter. Most of the book is taken up by shonen battles, with the villain being nigh unkillable, the heroes almost breaking themselves to stop him, etc. Fortunately, the day is saved, and even the Wizard King turns out to be… sort of alive again? Shota fans should be happy. Asta fans perhaps less so—the sheer amount of damage done to the kingdom in this arc means someone has to be blamed, and give Asta has the “dark evil magic” it’s gonna be him, especially when he takes the incredibly obvious bait they use to get him to fight. Oh well, if Asta were smart, this wouldn’t be Black Clover. – Sean Gaffney

Don’t Toy with Me, Miss Nagatoro, Vol. 3 | By Nanashi | Vertical Comics – Part of the problem with titles like this and the other teasing works (Takagi-san less so as Nishikata doesn’t fall into the category) is that they are, at heart, the classic “extroverted girl acts overtly extroverted to bring introverted guy out of their shell,” and that’s not really a plot that feels comfortable in the Gen Z days, where you’re more likely to say “why doesn’t she just let him be in his quiet, safe space?” And by she I mean they, as Nagatoro’s two friends appear far more often here, which offers some good two-way teasing action, as they clearly see her crush on him, if not why. It’s still sort of hard to read, but if you pretend he’s more OK with it than he actually is, this is cute. – Sean Gaffney

Failed Princesses, Vol. 1 | By Ajiichi | Seven Seas – The concept of “popular girl meets unpopular girl” is a common one in yuri manga, and we do indeed hit several of its tropes in this first volume. The amusing thing is that Kanade, the shy outcast girl, is perfectly aware of how things are supposed to go, and keeps pulling back a bit to try to save Nanaki from, well, making herself an outcast by associating with the wrong people. The best part of the volume is that Nanaki really doesn’t give two shits about any of that, and seems set on making Kanade her best friend… and also making her over, which backfires a bit as Kanade cleans up nicely. I hear this gets a bit dramatic later, but for the moment it’s a cute and fluffy proto-yuri story. – Sean Gaffney

In/Spectre, Vol. 12 | By Kyo Shirodaira and Chashiba Katase | Kodansha Comics – The first story in this volume is another “Rikka tries to make people understand Kotoko is an evil Machiavellian schemer,” this time with one of her ex-classmates, but again the response seems to be “we know she’s a manipulative bitch, but she’s a good person anyway.” The larger story, which will continue into the next book, seems to be a chance to write Kuro and Kotoko as an actual romance, as the man we meet here and his relationship with a yuki-onna… as well as his penchant for attracting misfortune… very much parallel them. That said, they’re very cute together, which is why I hope he avoids the murder charge he’s now being investigated for. Still a favorite. – Sean Gaffney

Interviews with Monster Girls, Vol. 8 | By Petos | Kodansha Comics – The author knows what people want to see, but also knows that the best way to get readers is to drive them crazy by not showing it. We finally get what we’ve been begging for here, as Tetsuo asks Sakie out on a date. (This is after rejecting Kyouko’s love confession, both because she’s his student and also, as he is forced to admit, as he likes Sakie.) The stage is set for the date… and the rest of the book is thus spent with the three main student girls going to Kyouko’s for a fireworks viewing and meeting her family. They’re good chapters, and I really liked showing how difficult Kyouko has it as a dullahan in terms of everyday life, but GOD, please get back to the teachers, I beg you! – Sean Gaffney

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War, Vol. 16 | By Aka Akasaka | Viz Media – The series has gotten to the point where the more rewarding chapters are the ones as part of a larger arc. Not that the one-shot chapters are bad—though Maki’s journey to India may be the most pointless thing in this entire series to date, we do get Chika’s iconic “shut up or I’ll kill you” here. But the larger arcs, featuring Miyuki and Kaguya attempting to date without interruptions, and setting up Ishigami and Iino for a romance—though given the number of limbs broken in this book, and Iino’s own horrible lack of self-awareness, it may be a ways out—are better. This series is still hilarious, but we’ve come to read it more for the heartwarming moments. Heck, there’s even some serious drama here. Very good. – Sean Gaffney

Nineteen | By Ancco | Drawn & Quarterly – Although it was translated and released second in English, Nineteen is a precursor to Ancco’s internationally award-winning manhwa Bad Friends. The volume collects thirteen short comics originally published in Korea over a decade ago which absolutely remain relevant to today’s world. While understandably not as polished as some of Ancco’s later work—one can observe her style evolving and growing over the course of the collection (which is fascinating)—the comics still carry significant emotional weight and impact. Nineteen includes diary comics, which tend to be more lighthearted, as well as harder-hitting fictional stories, many of which also have autobiographical inspiration. As a whole, the collection explores themes of young adulthood, growing up, and complicated family relationships. In particular, there is a compelling focus on the relationships among daughters, mothers, and grandmothers. Some of the narratives can be rather bleak, but a resigned sense of humor threads through Nineteen, too. – Ash Brown

Ran the Peerless Beauty, Vol. 8 | By Ammitsu | Kodansha Comics (digital only) – Shoujo manga that has couples getting together BEFORE the end of the series is inevitably going to have an arc dealing with how far the lead couple should go now that they’re dating, and this is Ran’s turn, as she and Akira and their friends go to a beach house Ran’s family owns and have some beach fun. Unfortunately, the cast gets winnowed down one by one until it’s just the two of them… and her overprotective father, who arrives in time to provide the cliffhanger and no doubt ensure that nookie does not ensue. Not that I think it should—these two kids are even purer than the couple from Kimi ni Todoke, and I think they should mature a bit more before going further. Plus, watching them blush and kiss is wonderful. – Sean Gaffney

Spy x Family, Vol. 2 | By Tatsuya Endo | Viz Media – Having spent our first volume establishing that our found family can really come to love each other deep down, this volume shows off how they are also, at heart, fundamentally awkward and unable to socialize normally. This is unsurprising—hints of Loid’s life we’ve seen show him as a war orphan, Yor is a contract killer, and Anya basically grew up being experimented on by bad guys. As the school soon finds, this leads to issues. The second half of the book introduces Yor’s sister-obsessed little brother Yuri, who turns out to be a torture expert for Loid’s enemies. As always, half the fun is that everyone except Anya has no idea who their real selves are, and the cliffhanger tells us we’re in for some hilarious family fun. I love this. – Sean Gaffney

Spy x Family, Vol. 2 | By Tatsuya Endo | VIZ Media – After a brief spell atop the waiting list, Anya officially makes it into Eden Academy. Loid is anxious to progress to the next stage of his mission and, believing there’s not much chance in turning Anya into an elite scholar like his agency wants, focuses instead on having her befriend the younger son of his target. It does not go to plan, of course. Anya is very cute in this volume, and I also really appreciated how Loid genuinely listens to Yor and values her input. The arrival of Yor’s brother, a member of the secret police, is going to be a fun complication, and another cast member with a secret, but my favorite part of this series is probably always going to be how much love these three are already feeling for each other. So unique and good! – Michelle Smith

Sword Art Online: Hollow Realization, Vol. 6 | By Tomo Hirokawa, based on the story by Reki Kawahara | Yen Press – The weakness of this manga is the same as always—it’s written to tie into the games, and features several characters I just don’t recognize, which can be a problem given this is the big final let’s-save-the-world ending. That said, this is still a decent SAO title. Kirito gets to be cool and badass, but because this isn’t written just by Kawahara others do as well, and it’s a nice balanced effort that focuses on heroine Premiere. I also really liked the point where all the NPCs are worried when everyone has to log out for several days for maintenance. While I’ll still remember this as the “SAO only everyone is alive” manga, I enjoyed reading it, when I wasn’t confused. – Sean Gaffney

By: Ash Brown