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#but also it just doesnt help me mentally lol
navvigating · 7 months
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<3
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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pepprs · 11 months
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my depression is getting really really bad. like it’s been bad before but this is like… consistently really bad. like a long unending stretch for several weeks (and tbh months) now. to the point where no inoculation actually sticks (and im isolating myself from most of my inoculations anyway and feel unable to stop doing it even though i know it’s self destructive). im either helplessly unbearably miserable or numbing out on video games. i just don’t feel like it’s going to get better for me and i KNOW that is factually untrue but the feeling is louder than the knowledge and it’s just utterly immobilizing. ive been sinking in quicksand for 2 years.
#purrs#longer than that too ofc but i think ever since i moved to campus in 2021 and shit started hitting the fan my life just started snowballing#and picked up speed majorly when i moved back home and ive been stuck in this horrible limbo ever since. like im scaring myself with how#deeply profoundly unhappy and unwell i am. i am just detached and scattered and bewildered by everything. and the only way to break free is#to fight it but i don’t even have the strength. like in order to fight it i have to have the strength and it s exactly the thing that is#being stolen from me. and i work really really hard to suppress it when im around people so no one can tell but on the inside im being eaten#alive and every day that goes on the pain gets harder to bear except im numb most of the time so i can’t tell except for when i can#one of the things that makes me saddest is ive pushed everyone away either by ghosting them or scaring them. when what i want and need the#most is love and comfort. but then when i get it it isn’t enough. idk. im not explaining it well i just feel like. horrible. unbearably#i think i need to go on meds like i truly cannot go on like this not even in a s*i cidal way it’s like i just can’t take living like this#delete later#i know im causing the people who love me pain by being unable to accept that they do love me and that’s the worst fucking part. is hurting#people by being like this. scaring people by being like this. and being so disconnected from myself#and feeling completely and utterly beyond help like nothing ive tried has fixed it but also there are a lot of things i haven’t tried but i#feel so terrible or my freedom is limited so i can’t. idk.#also the crushing knowledge / sense that i have lost the most precious important years of my life both bc of the lockdown and bc of mental#illness lol. except that’s not true bc of all the stuff abt how your best years are always ahead of you and you can make them. but it doesnt#feel like it for me and then i beat myself up bc my job is literally to exude that belief and help other ppl feel it and i increasingly cant#i remember in high school having the thought that one day i could be depressed and being conscious that i wasn’t and now i look back on that#and am like… how. and will i ever not be. i don’t think so. it just feels unending
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itsays · 11 months
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that post going around about not getting profesional diagnoses is crazy. but what are they talking about? just adhd or? because you need a professional diganosis for treatment so why wouldnt you?
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im-smart-i-swear · 1 year
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Does Jiro has ghost like abilities (possession, ability to levitate things, etc etc) or does she just live in Shiro's head?
when i created this au, i thought the best option would be for her to be unable to interact with the physical world in any way(including possesion), beacuse i really wanted to lean into her isolation and how it affects her....... and while thats something i still want to emphasise here, lately ive been toying with the idea of jiro being able to impact the physical world somehow(though it still being fairly limited). i think letting her have some control could have a lot of potential! buuuut i also have no idea what abilities i want her to have lol
For now i think im not gonna give her any telekinetic abilities, bc i feel like it would be giving her too much power......... if she could throw shit, shed go APESHIT with it. it would made things too easy for her. i'm sorry babygirl but i'm NOT giving you the possibilty to throw knives and other sharp objects, i dont trust you to not kill someone:/
i really like the idea of her being able to temporarily posses her old body in certain circumstances tho- maybe when shiros uncouncious?? or like when hes is very tired or heavily injured she can kind of 'squeeze through' and take control back for a few minutes???? idk. i think this could be a very cool ability to give her- it cant be frequently used but can also be very helpful, and also theres so much potential for ✨shenanigans✨here>:) oh god i could put these fuckers in so many Situations with this..........
uhhh. so basically i think all of her influence on the physical world are through shiro. shes here bc of her connection to her old body, and thus its the only way for her to interact with anyone besides him- and shes NOT HAPPY about this(neither is shiro).
#ask#thank you for this ask!! it made me think more in depth about jiros abilities and come up with this so thanks<33333#if you have any ideas pls share them with me cause im still not really 100% set on everything lol#also im making a new tag for this au ->#two disasters au#bc. theres two of them.. and theyre both Mentally Unwell#also im gonna use this ask as an excuse to ramble about jiros motivation and character a bit-#okay. so i feel like the most importrant things about jiro are her tunnel vision and self-rightiousness#she gets really focused on one thing at a time and then fixates on it so much that she doesnt see how her behavior affects others#so when she gets evicted from her own body her first reaction isnt 'oh god this is such a messed up and dehumanizing thing to do to your#friend. what the FUCK guys'#its instead 'oh COME ON how am i supposed to be the black paladin without a physical body??? what the FUCK guys'#and bc deep down she KNOWS that if she ever stopped and thought about her situation for like 5 seconds shed just fuckin BREAK. so. she#doesnt do that.#and bc her self worth hinges on being the black paladin#she is really protective of tha title and tries her hardest to make sure shiro knows just how much better at paladin-ing she is than him#and that he wouldnt be able to keep the role without her help#she doesnt have any sense of personhood besides her job and so she clings to it desperately#the same applies to her gender#when jiro gets a new body(did i mention that???? i feel like i forgot to mention that. whoopsie???) he#(sometimes im gonna use he/him for jiro for when im showing things from a certain characters perspective cause thats what pronouns#she was using at the time)(if thats not okay i can stop tho) was trying very hard to pretend that hes just Shiro No. 2 and nothing more#to kinda 'make things easier for everyone' and bc he could FEEL the gender crisis approaching and was just. dead set on ignoring it and#hoping those feelings would go away(spoiler- they very much didnt. it just made things so so much Worse)#so anyway. basically jiro is a person obsesed with being Good Enough and respected but also lacks the experience patience and foresight#wnich results in her ignoring everyone and everything else to focus on doing her job Correctly#does this makes sense?? im still figuring shit out with her but thats what ive got rn
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ramblinseahorsey · 2 years
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Me: Why r my adhd meds making me feel worse not better :( Also I am the meanest person alive I shall hide in my room and sleep forever from guilt
A few weeks later
*Gets diagnosed with Bipolar* OHHHHHHHH
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softmeetscreatureplz · 2 months
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Everything i look at the first note I made in the notes app I have to try so sosososs hard not to laugh because like. I sound like I'm having a full mental breakdown- am one of the TikTok girlies™️, or am high as fuck. Like it's short but lmaooo- ????
(It was the compartmentalizing and mental breakdown I was suppressing and Trauma™️ but shhhhhhh-)
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marsbotz · 3 months
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BTW ive been watching a bunch of life on mars (UK VERSION 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧‼️‼️) and its sooo good. crazy funny and awesome too
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mbat · 5 months
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by the way i doubt anyone remembers me mentioning writing a video about steven universe future, wanting to analyze stevens mental health and stuff in it. i mean, ive had the first draft written since BEFORE i even made that post but im just having a hard time writing/editing it. it just means a lot to me and im finding it hard to get the script to where it feels right. i cant really promise anything but at the very least its not nothing
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ancient-reverie · 7 months
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the day my mom listens to me AND remembers the shit I've told her about my disabilities is the day I grow a tail and manage to move out
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phantom-tiger · 8 months
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I fell up a step stool at work, trying to get workers comp is a thing and a half don't do it lol
ᵛᵛᵛ ᵐᵒʳᵉ ᶦⁿᶠᵒ ᵃᵇᵒᵘᵗ ˢᵗʳᵘᵍᵍˡᵉˢ ᵗᵐ ᵒᶠ ʷᵒʳᵏᵉʳˢ ᶜᵒᵐᵖ ᵛᵛᵛ
luckily it's just a bad strain, but im also kinda sad I didn't break my shit for milestones sake lol. It happened at 12:40am and I worked till 5:40am when my manager came in as well lul.
I figured it wasn't broken cuz I could wiggle my toes and could stand on it without being in immense pain, but when I got home my Mom saw and she's a nurse and she said there's a possibility something could be broken bc it swelled immediately - im uncertain if i heard a pop or crunch bc I had headphones in :).
But getting workers comp - I was told to go home, mother told me I need to get it seen/an xray, called back told I should've filled out an incident report, didn't get to do that till the next day, where there the managers just handed me a list of doctors that work with my work. I start calling places, one place it took 3 calls to figure out they don't take workers comp any more, another said they couldn't see me for two weeks, and then another place had to be the one to tell me 'oh - [your work] is supposed to set up the appointment for you' - *why* give me a list of doctors if they're going to choose anyway - more back and forth calls with my manager and like the head of the store - finally HR guy gets in contact with me - apparently your initial visit is covered regardless of where it's at - great perfect there's an urgent care right down the road from me, start heading there, HR guy calls and says the *urgent care* is also by appointment only, so I head to one that's 30 mins away -MIND YOU- im driving myself around, uncertain if my shits broken or not lol. But after that it was fairly smooth sailing, the walk-in clinic was very nice and the HR guy is very sweet and helpful - letsfuckinggo Greg.
The doctor was also concerned about it being broken which makes me feel better, and not just like My Mom being A Mom tm and concerned. The doctor/we were concerned about the high tiny bones. But yeah just a bad strain. It happened on 'Tuesday' (i work nightshift so tues 11 to wed 7am) and my schedule worked so that I was off wed and thurs,, that was my two days off 🙃🙃🙃.
My Manager (whos a Good guy) has "threatened" that he's got sit down work for me and evil laughing lol. There's been talk of physical therapy but idk. But that's whats happening with me lul
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southislandwren · 10 months
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ooogh stargazing makes me all vulnerable i cant help it. somethin about looking into the center of the milky way with meteors coming down and capella twinkling right in front of me. but anyway i told mr. boy that my dog died march 2021 and its still really hard for me . and now i dont even remember how he reacted but i do trust him with that info i think
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jiatiful · 11 months
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Ahhhhhhhh
I wanna watch ofmd
But I dont know if my parents are planning on watching it
I mean I'm definitely cool watching it more than once
But will my dad be upset i didn't wait for him is the question
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lilacstro · 3 months
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astro observations pt 11
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literally had a dream about two of the pointers lmao so i thought I have to do this!!
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1.Sun in 8th house people, are extreme. Either they would be extremely motivated or they won't care at all. My brother has this placement and guess he is in wont care his at all era lmao
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2.Often seen when someone's sun falls in your 8th house, you might have an unexplainable attraction to the person, and unexplainable feelings about them, sometimes often wanting to over give to them without explanations. However, in any form of relationship, you both end up transforming each other, and in some cases things end in extreme forms between both of you, like for example in an extremely emotionally charged situations, huge conflict of feelings and ending up hurting each other etc. I don't recommend this one tbh lmao. This in just my personal opinion never ends well for so many reasons that it deserves a single post lol
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3.Your 4th house can show your relationship to your past. People with Scorpio in 4th house may hold resentment to the past but transform themselves out of it and not really cling to it like most people would think. Clinging to the past more so feels like Pisces 4th house thing, but not always. In fact, they can be very empathetic towards themselves and their past. They may even dream about past events in their life often. Can make a separate post on this one again.
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4.Often seen people with Jupiter in 4th house are hopeful about the future, no matter what they have been through. They are usually infact very optimistic and make good things happen for themselves with this attitude, sooner or later
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5.Having Jupiter in any subconscious house (4/8/12) is again a sign of having a good heart and intentions, and having some kind of hope and optimism. Like, people with Jupiter in 8th house would be going through the worst phases of their life and yet be kind and helping to others around them, have hopes that all of this would pass, even if it doesnt feel like so in the moment.
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6. Someone having water placements in 2 or all of the subconscious houses esp 8 and 12 can be really, really intuitive. This also makes me think they are more prone to feeling energies and having mental health problems
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7. Having Cancer/Pisces in 8th or 12th house, can mean you can connect with your ancestors or they connect with you more than you think, through dreams, intuitive nudges and things like that. I think this even more amplified if you have these in the 12th house
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8. There is something with 11th house stelliums and everyone wanting to be their friend. My sister has this placement and despite of being an introvert she manages to have some really good friends, its like she doesnt even have to do much, people just find her and make friends with her.
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9. People with 8th/12th house stellium or even personal planets in those houses and feeling like lone wolf in a crowd full of people. Its like feeling no matter who is by your side, in the end, you have to go through everything alone and do everything alone and it can get frustrating at times.
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10. People with Jupiter in 1st house have a really good sense of humor. I have seen this in charts of two people tbh. I would also say this for people with Mercury-Jupiter aspects
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11. Whereas people with Mercury dominance or Mercury as chart ruler/1st/2nd/3rd house can have peak level sarcasm and dish it out fast at times lmao Like bro how do you even come up with that thought so fast.
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12. Wherever Sagittarius is in your chart can show what you may change and leave behind often and can't really be tamed about. Sag in 1st? FREEDOM, these people would also change their personality and everything overall whenever they feel they need to plus points if you have pluto in sag in 1st house, and transform into someone new. Sag in 11th, changing friend groups and social environments whenever necessary or felt like so, like wont really think very deep about leaving a friend behind until its really serious for them. Sag in 10th? Changing multiple careers and jobs
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13. Venus conjunct mercury people may actually not just flirt but fall for flirts too lmao. I think at times, this can also translate to being able to fall in love with someone online or just through texting.
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14. I dont know if I have said this but one of the OG placements for keeping emotions coming on face and being able to keep a poker face throughout are Capricorn moons fr. Like they may go through a swindle and tsunami of emotions but keep such a straight face lmao. Unbothered queen/kings (surficial though). Its either because they don't know how to express their emotions or they just restrict them on purpose, and guess what it never ends well and they need to break this cycle.
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paid readings are open:)
xoxo
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milkwands · 2 years
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ive been out of claritin for like 10 days ive been itcjing so much
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