#but also i'm literally creating art i'm passionate about and this work has given me some incredibly close friendships

[magentagalaxies]

since today was the last day of the semester a bunch of my classmates and i were reflecting on where we were one year ago vs where we think we'll be at the end of next semester and of course i was like "yeah one year ago i had just wrapped my musical other girls, which was such a big project i worked on it for four years i was very proud of it but also it took such a toll on my mental health that even tho i had this huge accomplishment i was still dealing with very intense depression. but that was also the early days of when i first started connecting with paul bellini online, and by the end of next semester i'll have accomplished so much of my work on the buddy cole documentary i'll have finished fundraising and filmed behind the scenes stuff from scott's tour and had scott visit my college and met so many industry people and i'll be getting ready to move to toronto at the end of 2024"

and everyone was like hell yeah that's awesome. and then they started doing their reflections/predictions and so many of them were like "one year ago was when i met my partner for the first time and we're still together and she's amazing" or "one year ago i got dumped and it broke my heart but it led me to meet my current partner and he's amazing" or "last year was rough bc i'd been single for a solid two years and i was worried i wouldn't find someone, but now i have my current partner..."

and since i'm very single and haven't had a partner in much more than 2 years i started getting a little sad like wow everyone my age is finding love and having tumultuous romantic lives that lead them to finding a deeper connection what am i even doing here

and my brain just goes motherfucker you literally just said "one year ago i finished production on an original musical i wrote/composed/directed. six months from now i will be in the process of directing a feature film with my favorite comedians that is going to quite possibly launch my career. why would you want to be doing anything else

[jmdbjk]

Make assumptions and get the wrong idea. Please. That's what he said.

My brain listening to Who:

(on the beat of course)

Sorry for the brain porn but that's how my brain feels when I hear Jimin's vocals. The runs, the ad libs, the highs, lows, and in-betweens, the breathing, especially the breathing. Especially in the 4K version of the Tonight Show performance posted on BangtanTV.

For many years now I've been wanting to hear Jimin let 'er rip on a big song and FINALLY! FINALLY!

FINALLY!

I started to jot down my interpretations of Who but you know what? no one needs yet another analyzation of the song, the lyrics, the MV, the belt sharing, the ... but one thing I need to point out... Ryan's Vintage Clothes is definitely a nod to Ryan Gosling don't you think? (just kidding sorta)

A ton of people have given their dissertations on what they think it all means. All I know is Jimin has that MAGIC and he is FLEXING big time.

This is my favorite shot from the most recent promo image drop on Weverse. I have always dissented when Jimin would say his left side is his best side. No sir. It's your right side.

The entire Muse album is a complete mind-bender for me. He came up with the ideas and themes and what he couldn't do on his own, he explained to all the people helping him in order to create his vision...

PDogg said this in an interview: "I also believe the experience of collaborating with various producers and songwriters in LA and NY gave Jimin the opportunity to further explore his limitless potential."

Minseong Kim (Performance Director): "When we were working together, I saw Jimin putting a lot of thought into delivering the song's choreography as a visual art form. He uses his detailed expressions to convey various artistic elements in the performance beyond simply presenting stylish, energetic choreography. He is always devoted to emphasizing the artistic elements of the performance by forming a visceral connection to it. I believe that his commitment and passion has shaped Jimin's unique style and allows him to deliver one of the most exciting performances in pop music."

and:

"We had countless discussions about how to visually articulate the story and message of the song through the performance on a larger scale, in a manner that's true to the song's title Who. When the choreography was completed Jimin was utterly pleased with the performance having all the elements he had wished to incorporate."

You can read the entire VMAGAZINE article here.

Regarding the other songs on the album, in MiniMoniMusic Exchange, Jimin mentioned that Rebirth was his favorite track. I do love it too, Jimin. The heartbeat, the poignancy. Perfection.

And I have to compare Be Mine to Seven. In Jungkook's Seven, the explicit version was so very literal and so in your face it was funny, even the MV added to the unserious vibe of it all.

But in Jimin's, Be Mine, he has probably the most erotic lyric I've ever heard coming out of the mouth of a Tannie: "... a hot island, a party with just the two of us; I know what you want and baby I want the same; love ‘til the morning; we just keep fallin’... baby come, baby come; show me what, show me what love is, yeah yeah; melt me hot, hot, hot quickly"

I am streaming all the versions of all the songs and album. I absolutely love it.

Now that I got that out of my system...

It's been about a year (??!?!?) since Jungkook's Only Fans debut live stream. Time is flying.

We are anticipating gaining more context soon surrounding exactly what went down between them the prior two weeks to this live and what did Jimin mean when he said he "can handle it? (Are you sure you wanna know?)

There is a high possibility we might get some jikook carpool karaoke.

The main trailer drops Monday. Hold on to your ... whatever it is you hold on to when you get shook because I'm sure it'll be another earthquake on the timeline.

All lyrics translations credit: © 2024 by Learn Korean With Sel www.learnkoreanwithsel.com/

[maxisanangrywell]

Review & Rant Concerning MW3 Reboot

**This has Spoilers for MW3. If you have not played the full game and care about spoilers, please do not read.**

To preface this, hi!! I'm Max is a Well, and I am a writer. I have not published any novels, but I do have one in the works. I have written for plenty of people, including some pretty big fanfiction authors [past tense] (not as impressive as most, but I quite enjoyed it), and I have written my fair share of fan artworks, and then a few half published WIPs are floating around the internet somewhere. I've been writing since I was like, 12 years old. I've done it for the better part of my life now, and I've turned some heads with my writing. If circumstances were better where I could pursue this passion for full-time, I'd probably be really well off by now. All this to say, I'm very much someone who knows a lot about writing, story pacing, emotions dramatics and the whole 9 yards.

I love playing games and immersing myself within what's happening in game, and I got that feeling from MW1 & 2, but 3 was just, a little rough feeling. I can't quite explain it, but it just didn't have the same vibe as the first or second. I enjoyed the narrative although, again really rough story telling. (You're gonna get that in games like this that are essentially propaganda for a certain cause or organization, so I disregard most of it. It's the "look this is cool guys! You wanna do this," kind of thing.)

Then, Price didn't let Soap kill Makarov. Standing from a narrative point of view, we were told this guy 1, is extremely dangerous extremist, and threatening to bring WW3 onto humanity. 2, Brass is worried about this, and if they're worried about it, than we need to be too. (This solidifies that the man is a genuine threat, and that he needs to be treated as such. Often this means, a straight up get rid of this guy.) 3, Price and the 141 have some history with Makarov. Then, to build off this, in the previous game, MW2, we literally were on a to-kill mission for Hassan. So if Makarov is an even bigger threat than Hassan, (and Hassan had MISSILES), then, shouldn't we have killed Makarov when given the chance?

Also to build off this, they are all within the SAS, or have passed SAS selection. They are, narratively speaking, the best of the best within their specific branch. They are more than well trained and specialists when it comes to Counter-Terrorism, which with that would come with knowing things like how to properly debilitate your enemy, knock them out, etc. They would have had done interrogations to get specific information and you can't just bring someone awake to a location to be interrogated. You would have to knock them out or debilitate them prior before moving. Yet, they didn't do any of that. Just, knocked his ass to the ground after a stab to the shoulder.

None of it past a certain point makes any sense narratively, and me as a writer is so fucking pissed. They made Makarov a fucking badass and BBEG for the century, yet they kill off arguably one of the best liked characters? Especially after Neil did so much advertising for the fans and even doing the corny Christmas thing that was all over COD TikTok for a few good weeks afterwards. People were going WILD over the Scot, and Ghost.

One thing you learn pretty quickly when creating content, whether it be games, art, comics, novels, etc... is that you got to feed your fanbase from time to time. You give them an inch, and you'll get a mile. No one needed to die within the third game, especially when it felt so rushed. If they really needed the suspense, then they could have easily injured Soap, and kept us wondering if he was alive, and then revealed him okay within the fourth installment. That would have made people buy the game just to see if their favorite was still around, and who knows, maybe they'd actually enjoy the story and decide to play the rest of the game.

What really pissed me off other than the weird pacing of the stretch of the game is the way they reacted to Soap's death. Now, they didn't have to be horribly torn up at it like Price in the original series, in fact, that would be horribly unrealistic. My mother is a hospice nurse, so she's gotten close to a lot of patients that have passed. Some being really traumatic and saddening ways. She can't cry anymore, but she does grieve, and she grieves hard when it's a patient she's had for a while and gotten close to. You can't look me in the eyes, and tell me these three men who have just spent a year and some change chasing down Hassan, and now Makarov, wouldn't show no emotion when it came to one of their own dying?

Soldiers are friends but more. There's a whole reason there's the saying "brothers in arms" exists. They go through hell and back together, they definitely did in Las Almas, and during Chicago in the second game. So to have barely 2 minutes worth of a cutscene to pay homage to a character that they all bonded so deeply with? I genuinely thought people were seriously joking about it, and then I saw it with my own two eyes and I'm appalled on how they thought that was a good send off both emotionally and narratively. It did nothing. It didn't comfort you, it didn't sound like they were grieving too terribly, it was just, flat. Monotonous. There was hardly any emotion in the lines, and the guys didn't have to be crying, but at least put some emotion in it.

Ghost and Gaz arguably in the reboot are the closest to Soap, so some sort of emotion, like Ghost being just a little choked up on his "Rest in Peace, Johnny" would have been just top tier. You would have been able to gauge so much off of that, and it would have fed the Ghost and Soap fangirls so much. (I know some COD players don't like to hear that, but the fandom shifting is a normal thing to happen, and the new people within the fandom are buying the games to play them just to understand the story and that is absolutely helping the studio and the games preform better. To put it simply, they are now also apart of the integral part of keeping COD alive and well.) Or, Gaz instead of just saying the most generic army farewell thing in the world, instead make a personal promise to bring Makarov to his knees himself. Again, it would gauge so much with his character, how he's feeling, what this death is doing to him, and what his personal goals are moving forwards.

They absolutely, from a narrative position could have done so much better. There are always going to be bugs and glitches in games, especially shooters, but the thing that draws people in and keeps them coming back, is the story and the characters. At the end of the day, this was not only a horrible story decision, but also is probably going to hurt them a lot when concerning the next game release. The newer crowd hardly has a reason to come back to see the new game. If Soap, a beloved character was treated this way, how are they going to treat Price, Gaz or Ghost if they die? I'm incredibly disappointed, they had an amazing story, amazing VA's, amazing graphics and design. The COD fandom was seriously getting a much needed breath of fresh air, new life was coming in, and they just tossed everything out the window.

TL;DR:: As a writer, the decision to kill off Soap was extremely horrible from both a monetary and narrative standpoint. It didn't move the story forwards, create any friction, and he didn't even have a decent send off. This is probably going to kill the new growth the COD fandom was experiencing, which in turn is definitely going to hit the studio's pockets. How much is yet to be seen, but I've seen a lot of new-blood say they weren't satisfied and aren't looking at purchasing the next game. Me included.

[fushiglow]

Here's the anon that talked about a limiter in music and it's connection to Gojo's story a couple of days ago. Firstly, I'm really glad that you found such joy in that previous ask and I'm really really glad that you followed your instinct and implemented into the story so artfully.

'In music, counterpoint is the relationship between two (or more) musical lines which are harmonically interdependent yet independent in rhythm and melodic contour.'

Once again, you did the unthinkable and produced a chapter that so beautifully wevaes the title of the chapter into it. Had me stopping several times to think things over and even throwing my phone across the room.

For me the summary of the chapter and the definition set in it showcased how they both may be brilliant on their own, both distinguished in their own work and dedicated, yet when they come together they create something more beautiful, an harmony that's so characteristically them that it's unique. How 'me' and 'you' becomes 'us' (because of course they'd be the only ones capable of making a lead single from scratch within days). Also what really struck me was the comparison of them to binary stars and how even that connects to the definition of counterpoint, since the stars may from far away appear as one, yet upon closer look they are distinguished, independent, but still caught in an everlasting dance, dependent upon each other's gravitational pull to continue it.

In regards to that, i absolutely loved how when Suguru almost played into the restraining role of the industry by deciding to morph 'blue' into something that was unrecognisable, yet easy to enjoy by the public, he immediately backtracked and comforted him, highlighting exactly why he's just far too perfect of a counterpart for the singer. He doesn't limit him, instead he helps him reach his limits, even broadening those limits, until they literally are limitless. And I just love how this is shown with how Suguru pushes Satoru for the perfect recording, even if he doesn't get it. He's willing to ruffle Satoru's feathers if it means getting him to be even better, more perfect than he already is. And the way Satoru's love for Suguru and the literally fiery passion between them seems to reawaken the passion for music within Suguru? (I'm far too curious about what had happened to the dear producer 7 years ago)

And gods...them being all domestic and soft? Sweet to one another and Suguru giving Satoru the love he had been given by his mother so generously, openly and earnestly, as if it came naturally. I'm not tearing up, not at all..

Generally, this whole chapter is a work of art and it just cements how they're meant for each other.

Thank you and sorry for rambling!

COME OFF ANON AND BE MY FRIEND PLEASE 🙏 I am obviously kidding, I entirely respect your choice to remain anonymous but god... I want to kiss your brain!

Once again, you had me screaming the place down because you interpreted this exactly the way I intended, even making the connection to the binary stars. I literally want to shout this analysis from the rooftops, because it's spot on!

I always knew I wanted to bring the idea of counterpoint into play at this point and wondered how I could signpost the theme to readers without putting it in the text itself. Honestly, shout out to @bunnieshoneys for the chapter title idea! I love how their choice of title in coanda effect sets the tone for the chapter ahead so, realising that I'd already set some precedent with limiting in the introduction, it seemed like the obvious choice (side note: I'm damn proud of 'prosody' for chapter six 👀). I didn't even set out to marry counterpoint to the binary stars; they were two separate metaphors that naturally evolved together over time — and isn't that just perfect?

~insert unwieldy thoughts about subtext being subconscious to some degree for both writer and reader~

I alluded to this before, but it's difficult to find the balance between being too heavy-handed and too hands-off with my metaphors. In the end, I try to trust my gut and trust the reader — and you continually bolster my faith in my instincts! I assume you did this on purpose, but I got extremely excited by the fact that you described Suguru as the perfect 'counterpart', literally personifying him as a musical line that complements Satoru's. God, this means everything!

You're probably my ideal reader, so please NEVER apologise for rambling! I'm incredibly grateful to have you along for the ride ♥️ If you pop into my inbox again (god, I hope you do!), I'd love to know if you have any kind of background in music yourself because your grasp of counterpoint in particular intrigues me! I hope that's not rude, it's one of those things where I'm too familiar with these concepts to imagine how easy or difficult they are to grasp from scratch... I just want to know your brain, anon!

By the way, the part about Suguru's mother was such a lovely change of pace for me, so I'm really glad you enjoyed that. Actually, I'm just really glad you're enjoying the fic in general, thank you so much again for everything!

[witch-of-the-threshold]

I have murdered a god, and so can you.

A short stream-of-consciousness on the power and pain of deicide.

Before Selena Gomez's song broke Google's search engine, the term "rock god" could pull up anything from Elvis to Freddie Mercury to Kurt Cobain. The Urban Dictionary gives the following definition first:

A rock god is an artist that is so talented and amazing that (s)he is worshipped as a god by his fans. A rock god has usually touched the masses beyond just music. An artist that people can associate with an idea/style/time.

"God" here is assumed to be a bit of a euphemism for "beloved target of fandom," but the behavior of some fans would certainly rival—if not surpass—the passion displayed by the most ardent religious observer of a given faith.

I admit, I am one such fan. But, even among that group, I might be a bit unusual.

I'm among a growing number of modern day witches who fall under the umbrella of "SASS," an acronym whose reading is, or is along the lines of, "skeptical, agnostic (or atheist) and science-seeking." Whether or not we will say we believe in magick—used with a "k" to distinguish it from purely stage-show entertainers—varies by witch and by the definition you choose to use for "magick," though, generally, no, we do not think that doing X spell makes Y happen in the most literal sense. To varying degrees, we "believe" in the placebo effect (where one is able to exist and have effect), the power of ritual to focus the mind, the benefits of meditation and journaling, the power of introspection and the power of belief as it affects the believer.

You could say it's imaginary play for grown ups. Frankly, it's a blast.

There are greater bits of media out there by witches who came before me on the general topic of who we are and what we practice, so I'll leave the volumes of modern witchcraft to them. But there is one more thing about my own personal practice I should inform you of.

I practice pop culture magick.

If you do a web search for the topic, you'll likely come across references to fictional magick systems that others have incorporated in to their own. A favorite for those working with elements (in the western system of earth, fire, water, and air) is that of Avatar: The Last Airbender. There's an even more popular one from a series of books whose author I'll speak of shortly…

In my case, I found more connection with Emily Carlin, a witchy blogger whose source of magick is often quoted in articles on the subject of pop culture practice. The story goes that, while struggling to understand and incorporate the four elements into her practice, she was inspired by the presence of her Master of Puppets CD to use the members of the band, Metallica, one for each element. It worked, giving her something concrete to attach an otherwise abstract concept to. What's more, such an approach is highly personal, a favorite aspect of SASS witchery.

I have yet to be able to incorporate the elements into my own practice, whether I attempt to use the four western elements or any of the sets of five eastern elements. Though I hoped that the one band I work most with in my practice could represent an eastern five, they ended up fitting better with a selection of tarot cards. But that's a story for another day.

They are, however, gods to me.

Do not misunderstand me. I do not deify the five men who write and rehearse regularly, put on costume and make-up for a whirlwind tour of the country each year, and then return home to their spouses and children and pets. In my mind, there are two beings in one form: The image that has been created and curated for the art and for the fans, and the artist behind that great work who also shares its visage. Two, but also One.

If you grew up in Christian circles as I did, it's less of a struggle to comprehend the paradox of it. Though I definitely feel the irresolution most at concerts and live meetings where my image of the "rock god" and the mere human performer collapse in front of my eyes like the leveling of a spiritual city by an earthquake, a fissure rupturing between planes of existence.

I've come to appreciate these moments as one would a difficult work of art that forces one to withdraw and reconsider, and that sticks in the mind like melted rubber on concrete on the disturbingly-ever-more hot summer days.

Those gods I worship now, whose challenging humanity I welcome and adore, I have loved off and on for most of my life. I feel quite blessed that, in all the many interviews they have given over the years, they have said few controversial things and that in their youth. By all accounts, their care and focus seem to have grown with their age. At best, they have actively educated themselves in both their craft and their understanding of the world at large. At worst, they are not vile.

I once worshiped a god who did become vile. But I killed him. I have that power.

I suppose I have to take a moment to tell bad-faith or otherwise oblivious readers that, no, I did not literally kill anyone. No human being is dead on my account, to the best of my knowledge, and few humans have ever even evoked such a horrid wish out of my heart. I am speaking of a metaphorical murder here, just as I speak of metaphorical gods.

When I was very, very young, I adored a particular pop star, my first rock god. He fit the definition from earlier, effecting the world beyond just the sounds of his music. He was influential in dance and social awareness, able to command the praise and participation of giants who came before and alongside him. Everyone knew his name, his style, his sound, and he influenced innumerable artists who followed him.

I had all his albums—on cassette, at that time—and several of the films and documentaries of which he was the subject. I knew every lyric to every song by heart. I named my pet hamster after him. To say he was a formative force in my life is an understatement.

There were rumors throughout his life, but I never wanted to hear them. I could not believe them. When he said, or when others parroted, that the rumors were wrought of jealously and were, in fact, completely unfounded, I took those words and looked no further. It was enough for me to believe him.

After his death, and after some time, the rumors were still swirling. And then there was a documentary of some of his victims. I watched it, skeptical.

But now, I believe his victims. And I'm sorry I didn't want to listen before.

At his death, I had mourned. I never missed an opportunity to soak my ears in his sound when I caught one of his songs in the air. Now I found myself struggling. This song… THIS SONG. It's such a mark on the culture… It plays every year! How can I not listen to it?! But I made myself turn away. Other people were enjoying the music, and I couldn't. I loved that song, I LOVED IT, but I couldn't enjoy it anymore. Not like before.

And never again.

The death of a god is slow and grating. They do not go down gently. Their worshipers uphold them, and the trick to surviving the ordeal yourself is to avoid the sycophants at all costs. And so, the death of a god is also lonely work. The death of a god is personal.

With time and practice, and time and practice, it became easier to turn away from the music when I heard it, to say, with the stoicism of a Zen monk, "It's just not my thing," in ever more rarer cases that someone should ask if you're into that artist.

The adoration you once held calcifies and passes. Maybe there's a scar. You are at once sadder and lighter.

He ruled the alignment of my stars for the first two decades of my life. His afterimage lingered, untouchable in my third. In my fourth decade, over the course of a year, his color changed, he fell and faded, and finally died.

I will never deny the impact his music and style had on the world or on me personally. But I have the power to turn away from his work. There are other artists who better deserve our attention. Other rock gods whose human creators are doing their best, not merely as artists, but as people. I will give my love (and, as a fan, my patronage) to them.

And if they turn vile, I will kill them too. I have done it once, and I can do it again.

I am no proponent of "cancel culture" as it specifically occurs on a certain accursed social media platform. No one is perfect nor should they be expected to be. But there is a wisdom to not engaging on such sites. And there is a level of basic decency we should all show our fellow humans, a behavior for which celebrities are even more scrutinized.

At the same time, there is, if not a clear line, a zone into which one may cross. Certain people have hurled themselves into the darkest reaches of those places. The god I killed was there.

Another one of a different ilk but the same degree is also there. She is not my god, but she may well be yours. She constructed the universe that ruled the stars of your formative childhood. She wove stories of a kind of magic(k) that made your heart manifest its own.

You can kill such a god. You have that power.

It is painful and lonely work. I know. I know so, so well. But it can be done. A god can fall from your heavens by your hands. The storms of guilt and excuses clear. There is a scar. You are sadder. You are lighter.

And then you remember, or perhaps you realize for the first time: There are other artists. There are other worlds.

Do it.

Kill your god.

[cheswirls]

oh the woes of having multiple hobbies....

i think it being artfight month is making me sink back into the 'i shouldn't want to do anythin but draw until this is done' mood i usually have during the semester which is.. ick, kinda

the other day i had the urge to write (unmedicated too!! that doesn't happen very often anymore!) and i should've jus acted upon that but i ended up guilttripping myself w the whole 'you should do art instead its only 30 days its only once a year' which is already so suffocating. i ended up doing neither actually in part bc i psyched myself out abt making a choice so in the nd i made no choice (typical when unmedicated so this is the okay-ish norm tbh) and think i tired myself out enough to go to sleep. i woke up to an art file on my laptop so i intented to start smth i guess

also i think checking out an ipad from campus during the semester is so much easier to draw on vs the hassle that is drawing on my display tablet these days. i miss my wacom if only bc it was wireless and thin and easy to power on and get going. with this new tablet i have to plug in 3 diff cords and its bulkier nd i gotta scoot my laptop on my desk to still be in reach bc the tablet has no touch function and it takes A LOT of power and effort out of my laptop thats 12 yrs old now. it makes drawing digitally that much more of a chore tbh and is partially the reason i've doodled so much traditionally in the past year and kept all my digital art for uni work only

which another point. is uh. idk i think i'm rambling now but. last year i got super excited for artfight and drafted a bunch of stuff digitally and was sitting at the coffee table in the main room of my apt for the first time in so long and it was going well until i got rly into tetherverse again n started working on the sequel like mad and that stole away a lot of my drawing motivation. i had two handfuls of of artfight attacks sketched and only ever finished a SINGLE one last year which was terribly disappointing. and then i think realizing that at the end of the month absolutely killed my desire to work on the writing project i'd grown so passionate about too. vicious cycle all around rly.

i dont want it to be llike that this year but once again now that artfight is here even tho its a fun thing i've made it a "requirement" in my mind which kills all my passion to work on it. i think the term is... obligation? when something turns from doing it for fun into an obligation i Have to complete then i lose allllllll motivation and desire to do it. it's THEEE reason i'm always telling my dad i could never write books for a living, bc writing is a hobby first nd foremost and although i enjoy it a lot i know as soon as i become tied down to a project and i Have To complete it or face consequences then it will suck all the fun out of it

this is the same way for school and part of the reason uni's been so hard since.... ever, really, and it's jus taken me long to realise it. i get really into an art project at the start and then as deadlines and check-ins and such creep up i become less and less engaged. i have no trouble completing things in one sitting if given the time to do so if i'm 100% invested and engaged. during spring break 2022 i stayed up for almost three nights and two days and did nothing but research and write almost 25k for a fic opener. if i had work or anything else those days i literally cannot recall. the only thing i remember doing is taking a break to walk 15min to go and pay rent and that's when it rly set in how much caffeine i'd had and how long i'd been up writing.

all of that to say that if i'm into something i can waste away working until it's done. i've said this before bit making a wip folder for art Killed™ my art creating process. i used to have one file open and work on it until it was done, and if that took me more than one full day then i'd sleep on it and finish it the very next day. i don't rmember that happening very often. now i leave things unfinished all the time and its terrible. i also have a Lot Less free time to be fair but also. also. i cannot multitask so as soon as i save a wip and move on to the next it fucking bites the dust. i've gotten into the habit of leaving smth unfinished in another window on csp in hopes that i'll jump bck to it but i stopped that after a while bc i jus collect windows like i collect internet browser tabs.

i also think to go along w the time thing.. i have to mentally acknowledge that i have sufficient time to devote to smth. i'm not the type of person that can do smth for 15 min then jump up and do smth else. if i could write 100 words a day for a fic every day then i'd have far, far less wips than i do now. its harder especially to do this for fic bc a lot of what i do is longer work and sometimes i have to sink into it. if i'm writing for a 50k+ fic i haven't touched for even a month then i need time to go over what i have and what my plans are. it's much harder to work on a longer fic after a bit has passed than it is to pick up a shorter one bc it requires less time to dive back into the world. especially if its been like 6mo-1yr, before i even start writing again i gotta reread everything i've written up to that point. that takes more than a day, and i might get tired and move on to smth else before i've even finished rereading which is so exhausting. it's exhausting to work on so many diff things at once.

with art that means i gotta have time to fight w my display tablet and get everything settled. it takes so much work and effort that if i only have a couple hours, i feel like even that's not enough bc i know i'll have to stop before i'm done. if it takes me 90 minutes to get into drawing and i gotta be ready to leave in another 30 then like whats???? the point rly???? that's how i think tho!!!! it sucks !!!!! if i'm up at 8am but ik i have smth to do at 5p then my whole day revolves around that thing happening in 9 hrs. when it hits 12p i theoretically have enough time to do smth but executive dysfunction makes it hard to pick a singular task to prioritize, and when its 3hrs away from w/e i have to do suddenly nothing is worth it anymore. i'm very much a 'sink into it' creative person which means i cannot jus dive in and work on smth. i gotta have music, i gotta have some focus, i gotta be comfortable, i gotta have my mood set to w/e i'm doing, i gotta know what direction i'm going in,a nd i gotta have energy and enthusiasm to do said creative task. all of that aligning w/ inattentive adhd is so hard and makes life so miserable, but this is compounded even moreeeeeee by not being able to work unless i make my mind feel like i have ample time to do so. mainly bc if i get rly into smth then have to stop for an obligation that i'd rather do less (mainly work! rather would do anything but work but alas) than what i'm doing currently then it drains all my energy very rapidly and i get so disappointed. w/e i'm doing after, whether it be work or class or w/e, is with an air of such disdain bc it interrupted the 'special thing i was doing' that it makes life hell in all honesty. i want to put myself thru that the least amount of times possible which is why i never start anything i know i'll have to put down w/o being able to finish. let me rephrase that. being able to finish as i'd like it. working on a super long fic but writing enough for a chapter or running out of steam on my own and finishing a scene and then being dragged away to smth else is fine, bc i've "finished" on my end even if not in full. it's being interrupted in the middle of the process when i'm not ready to quit, basically. that kind of "finished" is what i mean. if i have 2 hrs and it takes me an hr to find references and i'm not exhausted after that then another 20m to sketch smth decent and only with like half an hr or so left am i into what i'm doing then what's the point?? especially when, as established, i can push a drawing into the wip folder and forget abt it if i'm no longer "into it" when i'm back and have time to draw again.

long rambling i'm tired of but basically it's the season of drawing obligations again and i wanna try this year to have fun and do what i want but ALSo not feel guilty abt doing smth that is not drawing for other ppl, which i already do so much of year round anyway (i love it, this is not a complaint). i wanna be able to write and play pkmn and read and do whatever and not feel like i Have to be artfighting every second of the day.

[kcatta-wodahs]

Hello! I wanted to ask if I could get an obey me matchup!

My pronouns are she/her, and I go by the nickname "Chilly"! I don't really mind being matched in a poly or a single matchup! My zodiac sign is Taurus and my MBTI type is INFJ.

Personally, I'm not clingy but I do respect when someone is or needs space. I prefer slow burn romances to truly get to know the person on a deep emotional level. In my spare time, I find myself writing, drawing, helping and having an interest in odd topics! (Usually things like true crime, internet drama, and scary conspiracies!)

I find myself daydreaming about things I'm passionate about! I'm a bit hard to know since on the outside, I get judged as a very shy and reserved person. It's really hard for me to make friends and form relationships since I can be really awkward with the way I talk and over think situations.

I'm kind of stubborn when I get into a disagreement but when I'm wrong, I'll admit it and try to fix my conflict with the other person. I don't like confrontation so it's very hard for me to do! But for my future, I want to have a stable life to inspire and help others by cheering them up! Specifically with my art since I have a strong interest in animation and I hope to make people happy that way.

Sorry if my english is a bit awkward, Spanish is my first language but I'm doing my best to get used to english. And thank you! Have a good day!

I give you a partnership with... Leviathan and Diavolo!

This may seem like a strange trio, and you would be right, but hear me out! Your interests and personality bring out the best of both of these demons, and as you spend your time in Devildom, you get to know them deeply. First with Leviathan, who understands what it's like to be shy but passionate. Your determination to cheer people up and help others inspires him to look beyond just gaming for himself. He realizes that his passions can create something incredible for more than just himself. 

As for Diavolo, it takes longer to get to know him given his position. But he finds himself completely enamoured with your personality and interests. He loves the layers you have, and feels honored when he's able to break through your reservations. He LOVES delving into your odd topics with you. It's just so innately human, and the uniqueness of each one fascinates him. He will follow along with every bit of internet drama you uncover. You allow him to indulge in the childish parts of himself that he has to hide from most demons.

More Below the Cut!

Being the avatar of envy, it is really hard for Levi to cope with an open relationship at first. He loves you with all his heart and he wants you to be *all his.*

Once he learns that you are getting closer to Diavolo also, he becomes terrified. If a *literal king* is falling for you, why would you ever choose to be with a yucky otaku like him? 

Diavolo on the other hand, is a much more hands-off and independent partner -- which is one reason why this works. 

Diavolo is the one who gets you and Levi to air out your worries, since both of you tend to keep things to yourself to avoid conflict.

Having a set schedule for the time you spend with each of them helps Levi with his envy, and Diavolo is surprisingly pragmatic when it comes to things like this. He insists on conversations between the three of you to make sure everyone is happy.

After a while, Levi's envy morphs into something like pride. If you've chosen *him* as well as the ruler of Devildom... doesn't that mean that you see him as highly as a king?

He loves praise and if you tell him how much you value him he will practically melt.

You spend most of your time with Levi, because he wants you by his side always. It will often be on weekends or special occasions that you (and sometimes him too) go and spend time with Diavolo.

However you're always in contact with Diavolo, usually over text. He loves to send you little updates on his day, and is always happy when you do the same.

He can't stop smiling every time you send him a snapchat of whatever you and Levi are doing. Any little thing.

He also calls you ‘mi reina’ and makes an effort to know Spanish!

A bonus to this relationship is that Levi and Diavolo end up becoming closer than they thought they ever would. Diavolo really respects Levi's passion, and remembers every little fact when Levi has the bravery to infodump around him.

Levi gets to feel what it's like to have a genuine and supportive friend in Diavolo, and Diavolo gets to have a closeness to both you and Levi that he has been missing for years.

Snippet

Levi's room had become almost a base for Chilly. She felt safe and comfortable while with him, regardless of what he was doing. She would happily spend hours working on her own drawings and animations while he tried to get through his latest game. He would even sometimes get her to join in on virtual reality games, which ended up being really fun!

Today he was explaining every single one of the faults that the TSL game that came out five years ago had compared to the books. Chilly never failed to get his heart beating. He would spend hours talking about the same topic, and still she would come in with really good questions and thoughts about it. She would listen to him, and really understood what he was saying. That meant the world to him.

And he couldn't handle the blushing what happened when she would giggle and hold up her D.D.D. "Smile!" she chirped, snapping the picture right in the moment of his floundering embarrassment.

"W-Wait!" Levi reached out towards her phone, blush rising further. "I wasn't ready! You can't save that!"

Chilly's laugh warmed the room, and his entire soul. "Too late!" she said, clutching the phone to her chest. "This adorable picture of you is going to stay with me forever!"

Levi whined, leaning on her to wrestle away the phone. "I-I'm not adorable! I bet I look like a toad! Let me see!"

Chilly only let him once she had her arms wrapped around him in a tight hug. He leaned against her, reveling in the warmth of being held by her, as she opened up the picture she had taken. "See? You're cute. I want this to be my new background."

He was beet red, mumbling protests, but his heart soared as she gave him a kiss on the top of his head. He stayed there with her for a while, the two scrolling through devilgram together when the phone vibrated in her hands. A notification popped up from Diavolo.

Opening snapchat, Levi and Chilly were met with a picture of post-it notes all over a table. It was blurry, like Diavolo hadn't been able to stay still. In all caps his caption said "I THINK I FIGURED OUT WHO THE ZODIAC KILLER IS."

This was followed by like 4 more snaps as he tried to explain what was going on in his mind, but it ended with him begging both of them to come over and help him prove his theory.

With a small laugh, Chilly closed the app and snuggled against Levi. "Want to go see Dia?" she asked. He glanced to the pile of games he had planned for the day, but then shrugged. 

"I'll bring a few games for us," he said. "For when he's done using me for my computer skills."

Chilly giggled again, taking another moment just to snuggle with him. "We'd be lost without you," she promised him, causing yet another deep blush across his nose.

"Really..?"

"Really," she whispered.

And the amazing thing was that Levi believed it.

[obeymematches]

Hi!! I saw matchups were open and 👀 I'm an ANFP (A for ambivert). Generally with friends, my personality adapts to them, but I'm talkative, energetic and pretty playful. I like to annoy them by doing petty things such as untie their shoelaces or pat their head. I'm 5'2" with long black hair and brown eyes. I love learning about everything, I'm an enthusiast for learning new things!! My most favourite thing to learn about is cultures/languages or anything in the arts department! 1/4

I'm in love with music. I love all types of it and it's my life, though pop is the genre I most appreciate. I also enjoy making my own music, and will make songs for my partner, possibly a whole album for our anniversary. I also love writing and creating stories. It's a big passion of mine. I recently took up drawing too, and I would love to draw a portrait of my partner, should they allow me to!! With my partners, I tend to be overly affectionate. I love giving them praises!! 2/4 I've been told I'm very good at flirting, so I would wholeheartedly flirt with them, even though my pickup lines are very cheesy and wholesome. I will snuggle with my partner pretty much constantly should they allow me and press kisses wherever I can. I love playing with my partner's hair and giving them the world. I'm a switch in terms of being more confident or more flustered. It goes either way. I don't usually get mad, and I'm not normally a jealous type either. 3/4 I do hate being restricted though. I have a lot of guy friends and girl friends. If I'm not allowed to hang with them, the relationship will not go well. I also don't like a partner who doesn't respect my decisions about my life or my dreams. I'm very laid back about dates or things. I don't care much about gifts or where we go, more the experience and fun we have. Thank you so much and I hope this was okay!! Love your work!! 💕4/4 Oh hecc I forgot some hobbies!! I'm a singer!! A mezzo-soprano and I love singing given the opportunity! I'm a coder that's forever interested artificial intelligence! I love the thought that I could create a thinking mind with just codes or wires. I'm a true neutral. I love food as well as cooking it too!! But I'm not greaaat at it. I'm also in love with JRPGs and anime! And kpop haha. However, I'm not necessarily revolving my life around it. I bite my nails and I hate it. Sorry and thank you!

💕 Hi! 💕

Thank you for sending in a request, and thank you for your kind words! I hope you like the result! 

So I decided to match you with Asmo! 

My other choice would have been Levi since anime, but I decided to stick with my first thought. Levi can be too jealous at times and he definitely wouldn’t do well in a big social circle but I’m sure you’d be best friends, or it’s up to you if that would turn into something else. Because besides that there wouldn’t be any conflicts and the two of you could be just yourselves.

Here is why: 

 I think he is also talkative, so the two of you would have some things to talk about at all times! 

I think it would be easy to annoy him but I’m sure he can prank you back if he wants to. I mean he lived with his brothers for centuries, for sure he has some ideas when it comes to pranking someone. 

He likes the fact that you like to learn, that makes you smart and thats so cute! 

The fact that you are ambivert probably means that he was the one who initiated conversation at first but you were very good at keeping that conversation about whatever was the topic, so you two connected early on. 

I think at some parties he met with people who studied something similar as you are interested in so because of that he might actually know a thing or two about your interests. Sure he is probably more into gossip or makeup or fashion but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t listen when a different topic comes up. 

He also likes pop music the most, so you would never have any conflict concerning this! You later mention that you sing a lot, so imagine having a duet with him!!!! I mean think about that!!! You could establish a band, juts the two of you! 

Or if you are not into that then he would be sure to show you off at karaoke bars! The whole club would be looking at you two! 

He would definitely serendae you if thats what you want, any time, on the spot!

I think his gosspis might influence some stories that you write. I mean us humans can’t even imagine all the things that go on in the devildom. 

DRAW HIM LIKE ONE OF YOUR FRENCH GIRLS-

Jokes aside he would absolutely NOT be shy about that, you could practice drawing and he would be flattered! 

Oh his love language is definitely affection so theres no conflict or conversation that needs to be held because of that! Imagine all the cuddles with him!

Asmo definitely loves himself and he definitely enjoys compliments so he would really appreciate that about you! Be prepared though because he is going to return the favor tenfolds more! 

He is definitely one of the better flirtes of the bunch so if you two are at it i’m not sure who would decide to stay in the room anyway

Especially early in the relationship he would cuddle you so so much, lay on top of you, snuggle you, etc! very affectionate couple! 

Oh I’m not sure if he likes it when someone touches his hair but if it’s you he might make an exclusion! 

It’s really handy that you are not jealous because I don’t think he will ever stop flirting even if he is in a relationship and some might consider that cheating. But it doesn’t matter because the two of you have a strong connection! He is definitely not going to be nearly as jealous as Mammon would be for example, so hopefully you’d have no conflicts. 

He is one of the more open-minded demons so he will definitely not restrict you in any way. Literally any way.

Oh it’s really nice that you have many friends, he is a social butterfly so he will feel just fine in your circle!

Maybe he would suggest merging his friends group with yours to have an extra big one where all of you have fun! Idk, think about that, its up to you

Anyways house parties are always loud and crwoded when the two of you are hosts. (imagine all the food you need to prepare beforehead....and all that cleanup afterwards...oh god i feel so bad is it really a good idea to match the two of you...)

I know you said you don’t care much about gifts but for sure thats his giving love language so expect many gifts just for you! Makeup, clothes, keychains, instruments, anything that reminds him of you!

I think he would respect you being a coder, I mean that means you could code some stuff for him too, right?? honestly he adores that you are so smart to do all these!

Don’t worry about food, I think you’d go out so much or have food delivered that your cookings skills might be unnecessary.

I think the fact that you are into animes would draw Levi in your circle and honestly Asmo would not really mind that. As I said he doesn’t mind your friends as long as you can give him attention too. He might join you two sometimes before going out or something. If you catch feelings for Levi along the way he doesn’t mind that either, I mean... he is the avatar of lust.... he knows how things work.

I mean in case Asmo hurts you or something I’m sure Levi would be the first person to be there and support you through it!

I headcanon that Asmo is into kpop. I mean idols are just perfect, just like him! you could definitely talk a lot about that! 

He cares so much about appearance he would definitely find a way to have your nails well-kept! 

So this is a very outgoing and energetic relationship, theres always something going on. But the two of you also trust the other and both of you are open-minded so hopefully there wouldn’t be many conflicts. He would absolutely infuelnce your appearance. He is also supportive and sensitive when it comes to you so you really feel special! Your hobbies differ a bit but hey, that is just a way to explore more of what life has to offer! 

[cherubchoirs]

Hey, hey, hey. I love your Bad End AU and your art style and saw your most recent comic and thank you for the good angst. And may I ask, how do you see the Phantom Thieves of Hearts while under Yabboath's control? Is it basically the same for each Phantom Thief as Akira is in? Or is it different for the different tasks Yabboath gives them? And, if I maybe so selfish, would their outfits be similar to Akira's as well? Sorry for all the questions, I'm just really curious about your Bad End AU.

You never have to apologize for asking about my bad end au, I could talk about it for days!!! In fact...this answer got a little out of hand, so it’s under a cut to save people from scrolling fgbggg

 I actually have a few different “paths” for a bad end - in the full corruption path, the thieves would be pretty similar to Akira, where they’re brought back but fully under Yaldabaoth’s control, with Akira leading them more directly. Essentially, they would be extremely shallow versions of their real selves - they have the same personalities, but none of their morals or driving forces. They keep Akira happy and he believes he still has his friends with him and agreeing with his actions, which creates an Akira that has much less of his true self surviving. The thieves here, and in the bad end au in general, are really just “supplements” so Yaldabaoth can keep the power of the Trickster under his control. They support, assist, and comfort Akira, as well as just generally keep him company. He’s very sensitive to feeling as though he’s alone or his friends have abandoned him, even when he’s corrupted, so keeping them around is advantageous to Yaldabaoth so Akira doesn’t regain his rebellion.

In the gradual corruption path, the thieves return as their normal selves and it’s only Akira’s rebellion that’s been robbed from him. Things begin relatively normally, the thieves continue doing their work, but Akira begins to change and spends more and more time on his own in Mementos. He corrupts further and further, which leads to the group fracturing as Akira becomes more of a dictator. He doesn’t sound anything like he used to and he’s no longer egalitarian, but because the threats they’re fighting keep becoming increasingly horrifying and their loyalty to Akira, the thieves continue working in a growing state of unease. Desperate to help him but not understanding what’s caused the change, the thieves begin to corrupt one by one along with him, with Ryuji and Futaba most likely being among the first to fall because of how close they are to Akira. 

And just as Akira represents the Fool in reverse (taking a “sure” bet even if it sounds too good to be true to protect against the consequences of the unknown), all of the thieves degrade into their reversed positions which causes the group to crumble entirely. Ryuji no longer pushes the group forward with his passion, instead backtracking to only support all of Akira’s decisions. Futaba seals herself off and no longer offers to investigate Akira’s apparent issues - basically, she gets to the point where she only talks to him. Haru gives everything to assist Akira and make him comfortable, which adds to the support he receives from Ryuji already. Yusuke, likewise, is sapped of his own power when his objections fall on more and more deaf ears - he’s also one of the thieves that trusts in Akira the most, so he begins to give his power over to him as Akira becomes increasingly authoritarian. Makoto is swayed at this point and stops listening to her instincts telling her something is very wrong, instead keeping it to herself to keep harmony in a group that largely supports Akira without hesitation by now. And finally, Ann, disconnected from everyone else, only falls when she’s left all alone despite her misgivings. I don’t really think Morgana would be with them anymore and, if he is, it’s a fake created by Yaldabaoth to, again, keep Akira happy and in line. Goro, already on the outside of the thieves, isn’t influenced by Akira’s corruption, and so my comic can apply to this path of the AU. These two paths offer little hope of a good end, as in the first, the thieves are entirely puppets and in the second, only Goro would remain to oppose them, and he simply wouldn’t have the power to defeat them + Yaldabaoth on his own...though I think he would try, since his life is borrowed at that point anyway. 

And then there’s the “good” end path, which I sort of went with for the comic! The thieves all recognize something is wrong with Akira, discussing it among themselves and trying to seek a solution with no place to start. They try to reign him in gently, but Akira begins to move on his own, eventually disappearing for days at a time and when he returns, it’s like another piece of him is missing. He spends more time in the Metaverse than he does in reality and, one day, he never comes back (He takes up residence in Mementos, where I imagine Yaldabaoth keeps him company with his cognitive version of the thieves. Akira, in this state, is so far gone that he believes them to be real). The thieves are scared he’s dead or possibly worse, so they go into Mementos to search for him, but they find it far more hostile without him now. They have to take several passes at it, and on one of these missions, they run into Goro fighting through Mementos on his own. They’re shocked to find him alive, but he tells them it’s all Akira’s doing (he’s more clued in since he was literally resurrected, rather just being saved through altering cognition), and he’s furious with the decision. He refuses to work with the thieves, who are looking for Akira to attempt to reason with him after they hear his explanation of what he did. Goro believes he’s beyond redemption with what he’s done, considering it a betrayal toward himself, the Phantom Thieves, and the entire public at large, so he’s therefor abandoned his justice. The scene in the comic comes after Goro manages to travel through the whole of Mementos to find Akira, who explains his choices and his deal with Yaldabaoth, furthering Goro’s hatred of him in this state. He definitely tries to kill him but it’d be near impossible to succeed on his own given he’d be fighting Akira and Yaldabaoth (yea I’m a sucker for “everybody lives” but if Goro did succeed, I can see it either 1. Slowly degrading Yaldabaoth’s control but never really enough to make a real change - there would just be some people that manage to escape his prison but are lost in a world without free will or 2. Reality destabilizing to a dangerous point). This allows the thieves to make it to him in an attempt at a rescue mission where they would try to get him back to reality in order to break some of Yaldabaoth’s control over him. However...in this state, Akira isn’t exactly suited to existing in reality, which leads to a lot of unforeseen consequences as the thieves try to find their leader in the puppet Yaldabaoth’s turned him into. Goro doesn’t believe he exists any more in any meaningful way and even if he did, he figures it’s pointless to try to draw him out - Goro no longer believes Akira would be strong enough to bear the weight of his guilt.

Wow ok that was long but!!! I’m just very passionate about the bad end and I’m so glad you like my ideas for it ;o; Thank you for letting me ramble and for your sweet words!!! It means a lot to me esp since I was really excited about making the comic!!

[cagedinspirations-blog]

The Odyssey of art and evolution.

Art like life is a journey of constant evolution. As far as I can recall I've always gravitated towards art, in school I was that kid who would skip over the written pages and focus on the pages with imagery, at home, I used to get on my parents' nerves because I used to make a mess each time I'd draw. In this journey, as a kid I used to draw a lot of cartoon characters I'd see on t.v or in books eventually I expanded my drawing to include my surroundings things such as; houses, animals, trees, cars, etcetera though I did enjoy drawing I wasn't quite content. As I got older, I continued drawing but limited myself to that which I was accustomed to. As artists, we are oftentimes inspired by the works of other artists. I recall when I first came across the artistic genius of my fellow comrade and Brotha Kevin Rashid Johnson (Rashidmod.com) his style of using art to tell a story and/or educate was something that deeply resonated with me, this encounter came at a time that I was also becoming politically conscious, inevitably I then shifted my focus from what I had limited myself to drawing and begun challenging myself to draw and create images which depicted themes of struggle and oppression and images of those who organized against oppression and content which was empowering. Initially, I wanted to give up on this style and stick to what I was accustomed to because I felt that drawing images paying homage to people who fought and gave their lives to make others better was too great of responsibility, but when I'm passionate about something, I have always been one who put all my energy into it until I got it right plus I was confident the more and more drawing I did the better I would get and I did. Although I can draw and create an image that comes to mind, themes of struggle and oppression, revolutionary figures, and empowerment are what I find to be my best work. However, when I produce this kind of art I not only want it to be aesthetically pleasing to where it'll catch your eye and provoke your emotions I also want it to be educational to were seeing my art can trigger one curiosity into wanting to learn about a particular figure or the depiction of the struggle. Often times the only materials I have access to are a small flimsy pen and typical typing paper. Given the lack of access to art material, creativity certainly comes in handy. We cannot purchase crayons or colored pens or pencils but as one would notice, some of my art has various colors included, those colors derive from magazines or M & M's yes the candy. We also cannot purchase glue which would be helpful when making cards, since we cannot purchase it, when I make cards I tend to use creamer, yes coffee creamer, take about 3 spoons of creamer and literally add a couple of drops of water and stir until ready to use. As for the embroidered pieces I've made, I use string from the knit hats solids on the commissary, I've even included an empty bag of chips with my art, There's a saying that "Necessity is the mother of invention" certainly apply in this case. I don't consider myself an accomplished artist,I think that phrase sounds as though one had reached a goal or their achievement as an artist, similar to life, art is about growth and evolution which I'm steady trying to find ways to evolve and grow not just as a person but also my art. Throughout this journey my art has always evolved in time, the artist I was as a kid is not the artist I am now and by examining my art on my Instagram page one can see the evolution of my art how the older pieces look vastly different from the recent one but yet still has that distinct personalized style. We all have various hobbies but most hobbies tend to fade in time, art is timeless you can start drawing or painting from 9yrs old all the way to 90 yrs old. I truly appreciate art for many reasons but I think if I had to choose only one it would have to be that it allows you to continuously challenge your creativity with no limit, even the sky isn't the limit, but oftentimes I tend to challenge myself to create

and/or draw something unique to the point of exhaustion, I think that's because I'm a driven and determined person, once I set my mind to an objective I have to see it through. As for how I would describe my art; pain, struggle, silliness, love, hope, empowerment, liberation, revolutionary, and education. When people see my art I want them to feel or think so I try to draw imagery that will capture and hold their thought and emotion, especially when I draw something that reflects social injustice. Other than art being a hobby I enjoy,I also love to share my art with others, when I send my family, comrades, and friends art, I love the process of creating art imagery which I know the people I send it to will love it. Just hearing the joy my art brings to them when they receive it that feeling is indeed reciprocal as it also gives me joy, sometimes I'll do half of an art project and send it to a friend so that they may do the other half to make it a whole complete piece, I love doing that because its collaborative art. My ultimate goal when it comes to art I would love to do a huge mural in a public space. Since the beginning of time, art has always played a critical role in society and it has also been a way of telling stories, in fact, Afrikan and indigenous ancestors certainly used art to tell their stories and of their existence, artistic imagery which has lasted for centuries, which highlights why art isn't optional its more than necessary. Dare to struggle, Dare to win! All power to the people! Peter Kamau Mukuria Comrade Pitt Instagram @ pittpanther_art

[justherefortaylorswift]

there’s glitter on the floor after the party...

Taylor,

*About 9 days ago, on May 22nd, 2018, I had just arrived home from your Seattle show at CenturyLink Field. It was 4am and I couldn’t sleep. I had so much on my mind and was still on a high from your show. So, in the early hours of the morning, after my friends had long gone to bed, I began to write. I’ve revised my original note quite a bit since then. I’ve also had the opportunity to do some additional reflecting since tour, and I have some thoughts. So, I guess this is the end-result of a mash-up of 4AM overly-emotional rambling, combined with well thought-out, fully coherent, mature writing. I feel like I really over-explained this. I could have been a lot less-awkward in setting this up. Let's just get into it:

[SO. I just got home from your Seattle show. It's 4 am and I can't sleep. This was my 6th tour, and I made what seems like an infinite amount of unforgettable memories with a group of incredible people I call my ‘Swiftie Fam” (the name needs work...). There's Cecil (my long-time, Canadian Swiftie friend, you’ll see him in earlier posts), Wanda (Cecil’s wife), Kaeden (7. Cecil & Wanda’s son. Major Swiftie. His first concert!), and finally the beautiful Maile (a recent addition to the fam, and now a life-long friend!).  It’s hard to explain in words, but we all have developed a connection that’s special and unique because of what we experienced together. I couldn’t have asked for a better group of people to stand by my side tonight. We danced, laughed, and cried together… I don’t think I’ve ever felt more understood. These people ‘get’ me.

Not surprisingly, I screamed every single lyric at the top of my lungs and subsequently lost my voice almost IMMEDATIELY. With that in mind, I suppose a more accurate description would be: I wasn’t so much singing, as I was gasping for the remainder of the show. I literally danced with until I was out of breath. I cried (ok, SOBBED) all of my make-up off (a Long Live/NYD mash-up… are you kidding me?! I FEEL ATTACKED). 

By the end of the night, I resembled a pathetic, overly-emotional, glittery, drowned rat.

and I was living my absolute best life.

Also, I was REALLY proud of our outfits this time around! I think we did a decent job of recreating your Direct TV commercial, with my rainbow two-piece, and Cecil’s interpretation of Olivia Benson dressed as a Caticorn (I can’t say I ever thought I’d use that in a sentence). It consisted of around 8-10 hours total of gluing, painting, and hand-sewing, leading up to the show. Everything turned out awesome, way better than expected. Totally worth the man hours! Wanda hand-made matching these adorable matching t-shirts for her and little Kaden (Big Rep & Little Rep), and Maile constructed a beautiful MASTERPIECE from the mountain LYWMMD outfit- it was freakin’ incredible and HOT!

There was something a bit different about this tour for a couple of reasons:

[The production.] I don’t think I’ve experienced such sensory-overload in my LIFE. The whole time it was like a constant stream of frantic, internal dialogue with a lot of run-on sentences, like, “WHAT IS HAPPENING SHE’S GIVING US CHOREO OMG YAAASSS WERK HONEY IF A MAN TALKS SHIT WE DON'T OWE HIM A DAMN THING OH MY GOD ITS RAINING CONFETTI I MUST COLLECT IT I HOPE THESE MULTI-COLORED FLASHING LIGHTS DON’T GIVE ME AN EPILEPTIC ATTACK WHERE THE F-CK DID THESE GIGANTIC SNAKES COME FROM THERE ARE LITERALLY STAGES EVERYWHERE I’M OVERWHELMED OH SHIT SHES PULLING A SPEAK NOW BY WALKING THROUGH THE CROWD WHAT'S GOING ON OH GOD F-CKING FIREWORKS THESE VOCALS ARE LIT THO I'M SWEATING I’M DEFINITELY GONNA NEED THERAPY AFTER THIS NEW YEARS DAY/LONG LIVE MASH UP IS THAT A FOUNTAIN WHATS HAPPENING OH GOD IT’S REAL WATER AND SHE’S IN THE FOUNTAIN I’M HAVING A 2008 SHOULD’VE SAID NO ACM AWARDS FLASHBACK MOMENT HOLY SH-T MORE F-CKING FIREWORKS SO MUCH PYRO IS THIS EVEN LEGAL” I’ve gotta say, you have BEST band (Paul, Amos and Mike..OGS), vocalists (Eliott and Kamilah…the TALENT), and all the dancers. Every single person on that stage was on FIRE, and their talent, passion, and individual personalities made the night sparkle.

[The fans.] I freaking adore this fan culture. I’ve never met a Swiftie who wasn’t ridiculously friendly, welcoming, and super relatable. The vibe was so positive. I’ve never smiled, waved and taken pictures with so many random strangers in my life. It felt as if we were literally in a different world that day. It felt like home.

[YOU!.]  We need to talk about this major GLO UP you’ve got going on, honey. You exude SO much confidence and you're just pure sunshine. When I think about the way you’ve carried yourself these past couple of years through all of the BS drama, I can’t help but feel damn proud. You’ve successfully converted pain into art, into music. Real music, that’s poignant, raw, and just BAD ASS. Your lyrics continue to foster a special connection you maintain with the audience...a connection that often times breathes life into brokenness.

I felt like the luckiest girl in the entire world tonight. 

This may have been my best concert experience ever, which is actually pretty ironic because:

Unlike Red, I wasn’t in the Pit

I didn’t have VIP seating, like 1989

You weren’t close enough for any potential high fives, waves, or eye contact like I experienced at Speak Now at B-Stage

We were not chosen for Rep Room (or T-Party, Club Red, or Loft 89)

…But, it was OK. It was way more than OK. It was truly a dream.

Listen: Something I've always deeply admired about you is that you make it a priority to maintain a personal relationship with the fans.  It’s clear you want to meet as many of us as possible, and you make a conscious effort to do so. You get to know us as individuals and you CARE, and that means everything us and makes such an impact. I mean, you invite us into your HOME for crying out loud, you walk through massive crowds and give high-fives, you lurk our Instagrams and Tumblrs and interact on social media, and you always make a notable effort to meet as many of us as possible at tour.

However, this can sometimes turn into a bit of a "Catch 22" situation for people. The downside, is that it’s honestly SUPER easy to fall into the “trap” of being consumed with the possibility of meeting you after your shows. Due to the fact that the “selection” process is both intentional, yet also random. To be transparent, it's quite difficult to not obsess with the idea of ‘trying’ to get chosen. I witness this behavior so often, in others and in myself just as much, if not more. Selfishly, I often feel not only jealous, but UPSET when I see photos/read experiences of other fans meeting you. I sometimes feel like the only one who hasn’t yet gotten the opportunity.  It can quickly turn into a mind-game if you're not careful, which has the potential to become toxic if we allow the idea of meeting you to rule supreme over what it's actually about...which is the MUSIC. And, this amazing show you put on for us night after night. And somewhat understandably so, I've witnessed the obsession with being chosen to meet you become a main focus point for a lot of us (including myself a bit!). It's pretty stressful, and can easily dampen or cheapen the concert experience, if you're not careful. As dramatic as this probably sounds, Tumblr (and social media) can be brutal within this fandom, and dare I say ‘cut-throat’ at times. It's easy to get upset watching (what seems like) literally EVERYONE get that opportunity, except you. 

That said, I had a wake-up call/mini-epiphany recently, which manifested while driving home from your show at Midnight on May 22nd with my friends, feeling so amazing and so grateful for what I just experienced…but also a little guilty because I feel like I’ve spent way too much time worrying about the possibility of meeting at you when you come to Seattle, how to get the attention of Taylor Nation, where to find Mama Swift, getting that guitar pick from Papa Swift, and this time was no different. Granted, my intentions are 100% pure and it’s only because you’ve meant so freakin much to me for so many years, and it's almost as if my life won’t be complete until I finally get to tell you in person. That said, there is certainty a valuable lesson to be learned here. I am confident that you and I will come face-to-face one day (hopefully with my Swifie fam!). The stars will align at the exactly the right time, and I will have my moment with you, and it will be SO worth the wait. You can't "force" stuff like this, you know? The privilege of meeting you is almost ‘sacred’ in a sense. At least in my opinion. Anyway, my point is: I refuse to a continue to attempt to “create fate” by attempting to "earn" my worthiness in fandom. It’s not productive, it's not healthy, and it’s not cute.

Alright, this is getting out of hand. I need to wrap this up. 🤣 I’m not sure whether or not you’ve seen any of my throwback photo-posts I posted the week leading up to the show. They definitely explain a lot more about me, and my history being a fan. Either way, I must reiterate how grateful I am to have you in my life, and that support you 100% and will always be here. The amount of hope, joy and comfort you've given me over the past 10+ years is insurmountable, and I'll never be able to repay you for that. And I mean that in the most sincere way. Not a lot of things make me as happy as you make me (especially lately). This experience was the ‘boost’ I needed, I think. And like I said, the relationship I have with my friends/Swiftie Fam is invaluable, and I look forward to making memories with them at your shows in the future. You’ve brought the most random group of people together and created a bond that’s unique, unconditional and unbreakable, and I think that’s so cool.

This was A LOT longer than I originally intended it to be. This escalated quickly. Haha. Thanks for listening. 💗

Don’t read the last page…]

Love you, T

Crystal

@taylorswift

@taylornation

@ceunit

@maileswiftie

[photos]:  1) The whole crew: Cecil, Wanda, Kaeden, Maile and myself at our seats. 2) Kaeden the night before the show. SO EXCITED!! 3) Testing out the Caticorn onesie w/ Cecil 4) Cecil and myself FULLY DECKED and ready to go. 5) Wanda and Kaeden: Big Rep & Lil’ Rep! 6) the girls! Maile, Wanda and Me pre-show 7) Us at the end of the show! And yes, that’s me in the middle..in disbelief, exhausted, sweaty, and a physical and emotional wreck (see also: ‘drowned rat’ description above). 8) All of us after the show literally in a hotel lobby (and glitter on the floor after the party!), waiting for traffic to die down before we headed home.

[metazensae]

Ahhhhh Hi! I've been kinda shy to interact with you just because I'm a nervous nerd but I just wanted to say that I think you're awesome and everything you make/do is beautiful! Your blog makes my day brighter! (@pocusilla-flanchette)

This message has absolutely touched my heart. I’ve read it probably 17 times since I received it and I’ve been a blushing mess each time. I’m so not used to any of this, not used to people liking what I do, not used to feeling good enough, and especially not used to being noticed in any capacity. 

The fact that other people enjoy my work literally makes my heart SING.

((The rest under the cut bc I’m long-winded and sappy as hell))

The last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind for me, and I’ve been wanting to say something about it publicly, so I’ll use this ask as a chance to write out my thoughts. 

It’s amazing to me that you would feel this way about me. I brighten YOUR day??? What!!!! I don’t think you guys have a clue how much you mean to me. Every single like/reblog/comment/mention/interaction/tag MAKES *MY* DAY. Up until 3 weeks ago, I existed in a void where I would toss half finished sketches, and I would despair. Radio silence. Inadequacy. Insufficient skills. Loneliness.

I wanted to change everything. I was considering giving up traditional art and thinking maybe I should just give up my dream of making comics altogether. You probably don’t know this, but from about 2006-2016 I was severely depressed and completely lost my will to draw. I had been THE ART KID in high school -  my identity - and when depression took that from me, I fell into a really dark place. My skills had deteriorated completely, but on one not so special day two years ago, I thought to pick up a pencil and try again.

Even still, I’ve been struggling. Everything is digital nowadays, and I stepped out of the art world during a very technologically-advancing decade. I kept looking at my sketches and finding all their limitations and flaws - things I know could be fixed or done quickly if I just learned how to use digital mediums. But digital confounds me. You have no idea how much I am awed by digital artists. And people who can do both? They’re my gods. But I couldn’t even finish my sketches because I was impatient to improve - my skills were nonexistent, deteriorated from so many years of nonuse. I may even pose that I never had the skills to begin with. And since my pieces were simple value drawings with the LAZIEST of hatching as shading, I didn’t think anyone else would want to see them either. I thought I needed to change my style and needed to learn a different medium.

But you guys have given me my passion for drawing back. I’ve only known about the Arcana for a few months, and I was totally inactive in the fandom, so I didn’t know who any of you were, though some of you showed up on my dash from time to time. But then, on @badly-salted-pretzel / @asraaaa ‘s suggestion, I drew the Lucio sweaters comics as a gag. ((ALSO SHOUT OUT AGAIN BC THIS IS THE PERSON WHO INTRODUCED ME TO THE ARCANA SO THANK YOU EMILIA I LOVE YOU SO FREAKING MUCH))

And then I LIKED drawing Lucio, so I did another shit sketch of him being weird and shirtless (basically… uh… my thing) and along came the @samael-bellamorte /Lucio seduction arc. 

And my life has changed forever?

These last 3 weeks I’ve spent drawing the Arcana fan art and fan apprentices have been the most rewarding in my life. For the first time, I’m drawing things that other people LIKE, things that make other people HAPPY, and it is SO SO SO motivating. Every piece I draw gets better and better, and it’s because I want to do a good job for YOU. So thank you - thank you - THANK YOU.

The other thing is that I’ve met so many great, talented people here in the Arcana fandom. Your passion for drawing, writing, and just generally creating is so catching - I’m blown away by how interesting, diverse, and well rounded your characters are, by how just damn good your writing and story-telling is, and HECK? I CAN SHARE MY ART WITH YOU TOO?!? WIN-WIN-WIN-WIN-WIN. This community is exactly what I have been looking for my whole life, and really. I’m so overwhelmed and excited and full of love for you guys. 

You all have made my dreams come true, and I can’t even tell you how much all of this has meant to me.

All of that said, I really hope you will interact with me. In fact, my immense loneliness begs you to. I’m also shy and nervous and awkward and a HUGE NERD - it’s like we were made from the same soul, so don’t feel nervous to talk to me

 @pocusilla-flanchette  let’s be friends, ok?

[immawritethat]

I'm reading your posts and I'm so happy to find someone on Tumblr whose an artist and not constantly negative towards their art, I'm literally teary eyed reading some of your stuff because it's so refreshing to find someone who can view the world in such an open-minded light and is so observant towards it. Don't ever let go of this even when times get hard. For my ask I'd love to know in general about your characters and/or writing 'v'

Your ask is making me tear up! I’m glad it means something to you! I just feel that, like, positivity is important in creative pursuits. They’re hard enough as they are, but they’re rewarding if you let them be. Every artist and every work has flaws, so the best we can do is improve on them, you know.

As for my characters and my writing. Oh boy. That’s an endless ocean of information that I can’t even fathom knowing where to start. I think I’ll just mention some quick summaries/themes of my major projects and snippets of a few major characters, if that’s alright! (Also, I’m going to break this up with a “Keep Reading:” to avoid a massive block of text.)

The Left Behind

This is my major WIP. It’s a dystopian novel set in a world a few centuries after our current time. This society strives for a low, efficient populous in order to properly conserve the resources left to them. In order to ensure that it stays such, citizens are required to test into major job groups called “Coteries” by a certain age. Derelicts, or those who don’t meet the cut off, are given the less desirable jobs (sanitation and waste) and executed if there are too many/not useful/problematic. The main character is unable to belong to a Coterie, through a chain of events finds herself stuck in the middle of a revolutionary organization’s inner workings. Focuses on finding your self-worth and determining your own values.

Natalia Klysov: An anxious teenager who wants to follow rules and please people. The only thing she’s really certain about herself is that she’s a bisexual mess.

Meghan Harbinger: A happy-go-lucky go-getter who doesn’t mind starting or finishing a fight. She’s young and naive, but has more experience than most.

Ezra Holmes: A teenager who doesn’t always know the appropriate time for a joke, he’s more than he lets on; underneath the bravado, he’s worried, serious, and contemplative.

Dominic West: A charismatic leader, who’s got high hopes to change the world and captivates his troops with that. He’s more than willing to be your friend, but don’t catch his bad side.

Laura Satoshi: The true leader, she’s self-assured, logical, and careful footed. She has enough sense to surround herself with the right people and takes calculated risks.

Mirrored/The Spectrum Series

This is my secondary WIP. As a whole project, the series is a collection of superhero novels focusing on nine people all coming from varied walks of life. It’s a project focused on diversity, with no clear set theme as of now. Mirrored is the first set in the series, which focuses on a twenty six year old MTF woman whose hormones are swapped with a serum which results in her gaining the ability to create duplicates of herself. Over time, she decides to do something with this power, and throughout the series discovers others who have faced similar occurrences.

Drew Kung: A scientist who lives alone in her Monarch City apartment. She’s intelligent, introverted, and has a cat named Sir Isaac Mewton.

Keira Cox: A journalist with an animal rights passion. She’s focused, sly, and determined to find out the root of any issue she may have.

With the Assist

Another superhero themed story (one of four, technically) which centers on sidekicks in a universe which has an organization called the Partnership of Extraordinary Allies for the Care of Earth (or P.E.A.C.E.). After a number of issues, the Partnership has organized a Sidekicks Anonymous Support Group. The story focuses on these sidekicks, who all attend for a variety of reasons: some out of loneliness, others to express their concerns, and others because their heroes recommended it. This story focuses on themes of teamwork, communication, and is also a bit satirical. 

Carter “Sully” Sullivan: A golden-boy by all-accounts who’s progressively falling on hard times. He’s had issues balancing his work with his personal life, and attends support group because of a continuous problem with fans making lewd comments in relation to his hero name, Private Freedom.

Andrea Bianchi: A hot-headed, loud-mouthed recent high school graduate who’s finding trouble adjusting to keeping her life a secret. On the bright side, though, she’s finally working out what she’s fighting for.

Marcus Atkins: A young man with a troubled past who only seems to trust his hero, Glasswing. His childhood was rough (to put it lightly) and he’s only attending support group on Glasswing’s insistence.

Juliet Springfield: A high schooler who’s very new to being a sidekick and very anxious about things going wrong. Nothing has yet, but she’s heard enough stories about her hero’s sidekicks specifically.

Untitled Writers Play

This is my most recent concept, but I thought I’d include it. Thematically, this project is going to follow the two kind of writers I’m used to encountering/being and the highs and lows that come with them. It may be a musical if I ever learn how to write lyrics/find someone who can write music. Two women who were roommates in an arts college have moved onto life after school; for an artist, that’s mediocre jobs, stress, and squalor. The girls still keep in touch, and meet often for coffee and discuss the progress of their work. This is sort of a love letter to my passion and frustrations being a creator and the only play I’ve managed to come up with that isn’t satirical.

Robin “Francine Frazier” Shelton: An enigmatic author who works on impulse, fits of inspiration, and far too much caffeine. She insists on being nothing more than a sales clerk as she waits for her latest work to burst off of shelf, stage, and screen. If she could just manage to stick to one project and write something other people would want to read.

Aster Livingston: A careful, reclusive writer who can’t find herself able to live in the moment, unlike Robin. She’s frustrated with the speed of her work, with decisions she did or didn’t make, and spends more time dreaming about her success than she cares to admit.

Cornelius Hawkins: A social worker who adores the arts and small coffee shops. He has an interest in writing himself, but it’s a backburner dream for him. He meets Robin in a coffee shop one day, and decides to help her out with her work.

[makkunsta]

Hello! I'm going to graduate high school in about a year, and so I've been thinking about college lately. I have a huge passion for the arts, and was thinking about applying to an art school. I've done research, and I found that there are mixed emotions about it, and now I'm not quite sure if I want to go to an art school. Is it worth it? Thanks :)

Oh man, art school. I myself have mixed feelings about it. I personally benefitted greatly. My professors are some of the most amazing artists I’ve ever known, and they are valuable allies in the artworld. I met wonderful people I love. And I learned more than I could have ever expected. However, the politics in art school can be.. well.. troublesome. I can only speak from personal experience, but a lot of the times some majors were clearly given preferential treatment. Mine never seemed to be one of them. Also, art school is fucking hard. It is not fun. When I went into art school, I knew that the workload was going to be massive but I thought “Hey, you’ll be doing what you love so it won’t feel like work.” Wrong. Deeeeaaaad fucking wrong. Shit sucks. And I mean, sometimes it was fun. Everyone would camp out at school, staying up for days on end. It created a sense of camaraderie. But it’s not ACTUALLY fun. I would often go days without sleeping or eating just because there wasn’t enough time. My last week of college, I literally spent 5 days working non stop. Art school has the power to ruin you physically and emotionally. Which is why, while art school was right for me, I in no way believe it will benefit everyone. At least half (if not more) of the people I started with dropped out. And I mean, no shame at all on them. Some people just can’t work under that kind of stress. You have to get everything done, meet your deadline, have your work be actually good enough to land an impression, form good working relationships with the professors and other people in your class (because connections), and probably study for some big art history test which you may or may not give two fucks about but shit, it’s required. It is a fucking lot of pressure. So before anyone actually goes to art school, they need to really think about themselves and if that’s an environment they can grow in, or will it just break them. Because shit be expensive. And really, there is no shame in deciding that kind of environment isn’t good for you. 

I hope that helped you out. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you luck! 

[gifts-of-heimdall-runes]

A Tribute to Krystyna

A Blog reflective interlude.

At one time or another in life one can’t help but stop, pause and think about what one is doing. 

This intermission from my usual entries is one of those pauses.

Reflection one: why did I start this blog? Well, at the outset due to following orders from their Lords / Ladyships Norse Gods / Old Gods Spirits to create a platform where artwork created fifteen years ago was in the open rather than festering on a hard drive. Rationale: what’s the point of doing art unless at some point it is viewed by the public? Ah, but that was some 450+ blog entries ago. So what happened?

Reflection two. Discovery that blog and writing again therein was fun! Thus, an opportunity to flex some creative muscles which were otherwise atrophied due to working in the UK health system.

Reflection three. Runes and rune art central to the blog. Does anybody really care about the various rune art formats that I’ve been able to share via this blog? On the whole, probably not. But there again, this blog was about ME. So that doen’t really matter then, does it?

Reflection four. As is suspected by much-beloved husband, is all this blog part of a mid-life quasi-hippie crisis? Well, perhaps. But there again, so what? At least I'm not dressing like 30 years my junior (whatever that should look like!) Regardless, I’ve travelled with a passion for the runes now for over thirty years now and not going to stop anytime soon.

So where is this blog reflection going given this context? 

This dutifully leads me to my Kriystyna tribute.

Last night, I was chasing a few leads to discover and cross reference rune art blog entries that had been both drafted and already published. In the course of these travels I discoved this Polish site:

http://dobrytarot.pl/forumdisplay.php?fid=81

The lead of the section on runes was Krystyna.

Suddenly I was faced with the reality that in this world there was someone who not only shared the same passions of rune art as me but Krystyna’s research was more comprehensive than I could ever have imagined. Seriously, I had no idea there was so much rune art out there!! Literally pages of it discovered and shared to a mostly Polish audience (and subsequently, me.)

Coincidentally, I also discovered my own artwork which had been found by Russian rune website [deafening chorus by The Old Gods of "...we told you so!]

And so, my tribute to Krystyna. Her avatar is here:

I do not know if she will read this entry but if she does then I will have great pleasure posting the link to the site moderated by her both here and on future blog entries. Krystyna’s site has opened my eyes to runes in Eastern Europe - Poland and Russia in particular. 

All this was also made possible by Google Translate. So thank you too Google.

Who knows, perhaps the message here is The Universe is calling me to visit Poland as the Runes, rune art, divination has such creative roots in these areas of Europe.

In the mean time look out for links to Krystyna’s site on quite a few future blog entries. 

Finally, Krystyna, if you are reading this please accept a very big THANK YOU from this gentleman in UK. You were never alone. Your passion was shared and crossing paths with you online has been a great honour and pleasure.