#but also i think its a pretty emotionally affecting part

[13eyond13]

Naomi Misora is when Ohba being so so close to write a decent female character until he killed her. She's even more successful and smarter than her fiancé.

Agreed, I feel she should've been in the story a bit longer than she was, it would've been fun to have at least one decent character who was a female on the investigative side of things (but I also don't know if the way Light kills her was THAT unbelievable either? She wasn't super stupid about it or anything, and I think it does a good job showing just how manipulative and unsympathetic to the people he's opposing Light can be at times). Though I def feel like it was jarring how she was just starting to settle into being one of the characters you care about and get invested in following and then bam, goodbye! But that's kinda how this story works most times as well. Nobody's really safe usually, and it's not a long story by manga standards either.

[wobblingjello]

Shadows of His Past

Summary: Spencer had a routine he always did on Maeve’s death anniversary. Lost in his own grief, something, or rather, someone, completely slipped out of his mind. You. He was hyper-focused in his grief that he hurt you in the process.

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Pairing: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader

Word Count: 5111 (This is now officially the longest fanfic I’ve ever written!!!)

Author Notes: This fanfic was born from one line that stuck in my head for days: “Do I have to compete with her for a place in your heart my entire life?” I’m clearly not an expert on the language of flowers. I simply read people’s blogs/articles about flowers and their meanings as I wrote this. Sorry for any inaccuracy.

In the last two months, you’ve noticed that Spencer has been acting a bit off. It became more noticeable every time you spent the night at his apartment. You’d find him standing in front of the bookshelf, simply staring at his collection, or maybe one certain book, you weren’t entirely sure. Yet he never actually took anything off of the bookshelf. He clenched his fists, as if he restrained himself from reaching out to that book. After a few moments, he’d usually go to a different part of the apartment; either it was the kitchen or the bedroom. You didn’t know if he was even aware of what he was doing, and you didn’t know the reason he did that either.

Knowing that something bothered him but didn’t know how to help him irritated you. One night, you’ve had enough of this behavior, so you pulled him to the couch, and confronted him. You could tell that he was taken aback by the question — proving your suspicion that he wasn’t aware of his actions. He didn’t answer immediately, but you knew his big brain was running its gears to form an answer for you.

“It’s almost Maeve’s death anniversary.” His voice was shaky, and it was barely audible.

That was the only response you got from him, before he buried his face in the palm of his hands. You didn’t know what kind of answer you expected from him, but that was entirely off the table. You weren’t sure what to do, but you offered him a hug. The moment you pulled him to your embrace, he immediately held you close. As if he was afraid he’d lose you.

One of the first things he had brought up when you two started dating was how his job could possibly be a danger to the people in his life. The people he loved. That was also the day he first ever mentioned a woman named Maeve, who tragically had been murdered by her stalker, right in front of him. Possibly the first woman he ever loved.

You didn’t think much of it when he told you about her. Didn’t even think she was still relevant to the relationship you had with him right now, because it’s been years since it happened anyway. Right?

A week after Spencer told you about Maeve however, when his female colleagues invited you for a girls night’s out, you instantly said yes — thinking it could be the perfect opportunity to ask them about her. After the second round of drinks, you mustered up the courage to ask them about her. Once the question left your mouth, you were greeted by an uncomfortable silence. You clearly had put them in the hot seat, and most likely ruined the night. They hesitated to tell you, afraid that it wasn’t their place to share the story. You encouraged them that it was alright, that Spencer had already told you, you just wanted to know the story from their perspectives.

So, they eventually told you everything they knew about Maeve, which was pretty much the same things Spencer had told you. However, they revealed that what happened to her greatly affected him mentally and emotionally. Which at some point also clouded his judgment in the field. It took him weeks to seek out help from the team, and another weeks to give himself a proper closure. The topic surrounding her and the relationship with Spencer seemed to be more sensitive than you let yourself to believe.

The sound of a muffled cry brought you back to the present. You were so lost in your own head you didn’t even realize that Spencer was crying. You tried to sooth him as best as you could; one hand rubbing his back in gentle motion and the other hand brushing his curls. At one point, you managed to convince him to call it a night. That night you slept with his hands tightly wrapped around you, like he needed proof that you were real.

The next day, you wanted to ask him when exactly her death anniversary was, but he didn’t even try to give you a further explanation, so you went along with him. Pretending that the conversation from the night before had never happened in the first place.

Days, weeks, passed by since that night, and things have returned to normal. At least, that was what you wanted to believe. Both of you still communicated like you two normally would. He still informed you when he was about to travel for a case or when he was about to go home. From time to time, you still spent the night at his place, or him at yours. It was just that both of you carefully avoided the subject altogether.

One day, the buzzing sound from your phone wouldn’t stop. There were dozens of texts in the group chat. The one group chat that consisted of you and Spencer’s female colleagues. You were overjoyed when they added you to the group chat — how they considered you as one of them. However, today, as you read through the texts, you felt… confused? They were talking about going to another state to catch yet another bad guy, guessing who they’d share the room with, etcetera.

You were confused because you received no text from Spencer that indicated those things. No, scratch that. You received no text from him at all. You thought he was busy juggling piles of case files, thus he hadn’t responded to your text, but apparently that wasn’t what was happening.

You tried to send him another text before putting your phone aside. Trying to ignore the unsettling feeling in your gut, and getting back to your work.

By lunch time, you still hadn’t heard anything from Spencer, and you began to worry. A bit desperate for an answer, you made a phone call to Penelope.

“Hey, sweetness. It’s always a great time when you call. A distraction that I need. Anyway, do you need anything?” She sounded like her usual cheerful self on the other side of the line.

“Hey, Penny. Um, it may sound weird, but I wonder if you happen to know where Spencer is? I haven’t heard from him all day.”

“Oh. I don’t think I’m the right person to tell you about it, hun.”

“Will you please tell me what’s going on? I won’t be mad at you. If he’s going to be mad at you for telling me, then it’s his problem with me. I promise.” Considering what’s been going on between you two, you didn’t like the implication that he hid something from you.

She went silent for a moment. Probably contemplating her choices. Then you heard her sighing. “Every year, on this day, Reid always takes a day off. Today’s Maeve’s death anniversary.”

Your heart dropped to the bottom of your stomach. You vaguely heard Penelope’s worried voice through the phone, but you barely registered what she said after that. Her previous words echoed in your mind — played over and over, like a broken record.

Every year…

He takes a day off…

Today’s Maeve’s death anniversary…

You didn’t even remember how you ended that phone call. All you could remember was the pain that grew in your heart.

As reality started to kick in, a bitter laugh escaped your lips. Knowing how demanding his job was, you two rarely made a plan for dates. Your dates always revolved around his day off. Even on your birthday, you only received a phone call because he was miles away solving a crime. Meanwhile he willingly took a day off, to do God knew what, on his almost ex-girlfriend’s death anniversary?

What did he do that he needed an entire day off? Did he visit her grave? Where was he now?

You had so many questions, yet you didn’t have any idea how to communicate with Spencer, when he hadn’t responded to any of your previous texts.

The rest of your day went on a blur after that phone call with Penelope.

---

Even after years had passed, waking up on this day never got any easier. The moment Spencer opened his eyes, everything that happened that day flashed before his eyes as if it just occurred yesterday. Then the guilt would follow close after. As he laid on his bed, he constantly asked himself the same question; was there something he could’ve done differently in order to save her?

Every year, today, he’d do the same routine. He’d start his day by reading “The Narrative of John Smith”, the book she gave him. At this point, he had completely memorized every word page by page. He didn’t really mind, because this was the only thing he had left of her. If he normally could read 20,000 words per minute, he took his time when reading this one. He wanted to completely immerse himself in the memory of her.

When he was done reading the book, he’d take a ride. His first stop was a florist, where he always bought 2 bouquets of flowers for different purposes. Beth, the lovely elderly woman who owned the place, would have the bouquets ready for him when he arrived. She knew Spencer would stop by to get the bouquets every year on this day.

Once the bouquets were secured, he drove to his next destination; the crime scene. He put the first bouquet at the entrance  of the loft. After the first year of Maeve’s death anniversary, he learned that her parents went to her grave around noon, hence he opted to go to this place first. Spencer would stay in his parked car, pull out the “The Narrative of John Smith” book from his messenger bag, then read it again for an hour or two, before finally driving to the cemetery.

There was a bouquet at her grave when he arrived, definitely from her parents. He put his bouquet next to it. He’d stay there, and simply talk to her. Over the years, he’d tell her the same things. To this day, aside from the fact he failed to save her, his other regret was he didn’t get the chance to tell her how he felt. He knew that Maeve was smart enough to realize that him saying he didn’t love her was part of the plan, but he wished he didn’t have to do that. He wished for the alternative outcome where she was alive, and he could tell her how he felt in person. He’d apologize for what happened to her, how he couldn’t save her, asked her if she had forgiven him, and asked if it was okay to forgive himself.

He felt lighter when he drove home. Usually he’d try to recall their phone call conversations. How Maeve laughed when he attempted to make terrible jokes, how she often made intellectual puns, or how she sounded like when she told him that she loved him. It scared him that someday he would forget the sound of her voice.

The sun had already set by the time he was back to his place. Spencer was exhausted and starving. The last time he had meals was before he left his apartment. He’d make himself a quick dinner, then get ready for bed. He was about to get a few ingredients from the fridge, when he saw it; a bottle of juice he usually didn’t drink. Odd. Then the realization hit him like a ton of bricks . That was your favorite juice that he stocked in his fridge for you.

Shit.

He quickly pulled his phone from his pocket and turned it on. Once it was on, Spencer noticed tons of texts and calls from you and surprisingly Garcia too.

He had completely forgotten about you.

You [09:47 AM]: Hey, genius. Are you heading somewhere or stuck in Quantico doing paperwork today? You [11:29 AM]: Spence, are you okay? I haven’t heard anything from you. You miscalled (3) You [04:31 PM]: Can you at least tell me that you’re okay? You miscalled (2)

Garcia [01:15 PM]: Your girl found out through the ladies group chat that the team headed to San Francisco today. She asked me about you because she couldn’t reach you. I’m so sorry.

The last call from you was one and half hours ago. He grabbed his bag and car key, then in an instant went out of his apartment again. Before he started the car engine, he tried to call you once but it went straight to voicemail.

Garcia miscalled (2)

Garcia [04:26 PM]: Please call her back. She’s worried about you.

How could he be so ignorant?

The fact that you had called him out for his odd behaviors lately was bad enough, then you found out the significance of today from someone else. Not from him. That felt like a punch to his face. You were kind enough for not forcing him to explain everything to you immediately that night. No, you tolerated him enough to not bring up that topic again. He should’ve told you sooner.

On his way to your place, his brain ran a mile a minute; thinking of what would be the best explanation to give you. At this point he knew his explanation would probably sound like an excuse to you, but he’d still try. If you wouldn’t listen to him today, then he’d try again, and again, and again.

Once Spencer parked his car, he realized he didn’t know if you were even home. There was still a probability that you were somewhere else. He remembered how you once stayed the night at Garcia’s place when you weren’t feeling well, and he was unfortunately away for a case — you could be at her place again. Now that he was standing in front of your door, however, he could vaguely hear the sound from your TV. He released a sigh of relief. You were here. He could do this.

He knocked on your door twice — you didn’t answer. The sound from your TV was gone. He tried knocking again. Still no answer.

“Sweetheart. I know you’re in there. Can we please talk?” He pleaded as he rested his head on your door.

Silence.

The silence stretched too long for his liking. He tried knocking again. He didn’t want to give up on you. On this relationship.

Then he heard a shout from inside the apartment. “Just go away, Spencer! I don’t want to talk to you!”

Even through the door, he recognized the hurt in your voice. He hated that he caused that pain. You were alone inside your apartment, hurting, and it was because of him.

Determined, he simply had to try again. “You don’t have to talk, if you aren’t up for it. I just need you to listen to my explanation. Please.”

He heard footsteps coming his way, and he allowed a tiny hope blooming in his chest. You opened the door, and the sight of you made his heart shattered instantly. Your eyes were red and puffy, the unmistakable proof that you were crying. Spencer was furious at himself, looking at the undeniable evidence that he caused that. He wanted to caress your cheeks so badly, and to tell you that everything would be fine, that you both would be fine. But he restrained himself from doing so. How could he? When he was the source of your distress to begin with.

“Babe—”

“I’m tired, Spence.” Your voice was hoarse, definitely from the crying. “I don’t want to deal with any of this now. Just go home.”

You didn’t entirely turn down his effort to make it up to you, he’d take that. So he tried a different approach. “I’m helping the team from Quantico, so if you’re up to have the discussion tomorrow, or any day really, just let me know.” He eventually reached for your hand, and the tiny hope from earlier grew a bit bigger when you didn’t flinch at his touch. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you like this.”

“Good night, Spence.” You let his hand go, and closed the door on his face.

---

When Spencer woke up the next day, he couldn’t shake the guilt that lingered within him. The look on your face kept replaying in his mind like a movie. You looked so broken and defeated — a far cry from your usual bubbly self. He felt sick to his stomach knowing he did that to you. If he had to spend the rest of his life making up to you, then he’d do exactly that.

As he walked out of his bedroom to get ready for work, he checked his phone, and no text from you. Understandable. After all, he ignored you all day yesterday, why would you text him today?

Before he left his apartment though, he texted you.

Spencer [07:18 AM]: Hey, sweetheart. I know that you’re still mad at me. Rightfully so. But let me know if we can meet up today. I want to properly explain everything to you. I love you.

As he stepped into the bullpen, he immediately walked to Garcia’s office. It’d be more efficient if they assisted the team together from her office. After he knocked on the door, he didn’t bother to wait for an answer, he just walked right in. He was hoping for the usual witty greetings from her, but the moment she saw him, her expression was a mix of sadness, worry, and perhaps pity.

“Oh, Reid.”

Knowing what she was probably about to say, he held his hand up to stop her. “Let’s not talk about that, yeah?”

Having his mind occupied with the case was the distraction that he needed. However, Spencer couldn’t help himself from checking his phone every now and then, in case you texted him. You didn’t. He could feel Garcia’s stare every time he checked his phone, but he didn’t really pay attention to it.

He appreciated her for granting his wish to not talk about his personal life, and they were strictly discussing anything work related. Although, he knew she was dying to say something; asking him how you were, had he apologized, or something.

Ever since Spencer introduced you to the team, they instantly adored you. Of course they were. How could they not? You were kind, funny, smart, and beautiful. They told him that the two of you were a perfect match, but also joked that you were too good for him. That wasn’t wrong, because for him, you were perfect. To this day, he couldn’t believe the fact that you two were dating. 

If the rest of the team easily welcomed you, then Garcia practically adopted you as her sister. He had lost count how many times you had lunch with her when the team was away. You once joked that you were actually in a relationship with her, and not him. He didn’t really mind, in fact, he was glad knowing you could share such a bond with one of the people he considered family.

Frankly, he wasn’t even surprised that Garcia told you the significance of yesterday for him. Spencer might know her longer, but you were her chosen sister. He also understood that she had no ill intention when she informed you. She simply helped someone she cared about.

As he packed his stuff, ready to go home, his phone buzzed. He immediately checked it. A text from you.

You [05:47 PM]: You can come to my place now if you want.

He hurriedly packed the rest of his stuff, not caring if the folders were folded in his messenger bag. In all the years he had worked in the BAU, he didn’t think he ever ran to the elevator that fast.

When he arrived at your apartment, he tentatively knocked on the door. This time though, it didn’t take long for you to open the door. As if you were waiting for him to be there.

You already changed your work outfit to your favorite pajama set, makeup had been washed, and you put your hair on a messy bun. Despite all of that, you still looked beautiful to him.

“Hey.” Spencer greeted you with hesitation.

You didn’t respond, simply step aside and let him in.

The two of you sat on the couch, but you kept him in an arm’s distance. He disliked how you even needed a space from him, as if being in any close proximity with him would hurt you.

You still hadn’t said a single word since he stepped into your place. The tension that filled the silence started feeling unbearable, so he began talking.

“I’d like to apologize to you first. For the way I behaved lately, but especially yesterday. I didn’t mean to hurt you, at least not intentionally. I’m so sorry.” You just shrugged it off, and he took it as permission to continue. “It’s like a habit at this point, something I do every year. It wasn’t my intention to ignore you. It’s just… I always have my phone off.”

“Because you don’t want anybody to disturb your time with Maeve.”

It felt like you mocked him, and perhaps he should be ashamed that he pitied himself for how you reacted.

“No, that’s—”

“Then what, Spencer? You forgot that I existed for the entire day.”

“I didn’t mean to.” It sounded like a pathetic excuse even to his own ears.

“I’m here, still breathing, and pretty much alive, while she’s 6 feet under! Yet, she’s still at the top of your priorities.”

“That’s not true.”

“Is it? You willingly take a day off to spend it with someone who’s dead, while I constantly got rescheduled dates. No, shit, Spence, that sounds like she’s more important to you.”

To some extent, it was perhaps true that there were other things at the top of his priorities, his job for example. However, he never put Maeve above you. No, never mind, she wasn’t even on the list of his priorities to begin with. He never thought he made you feel like that.

For someone who once saved both his and Hotch’s lives by talking, right now the gears in his brain stopped working, and he couldn’t form a proper response for you. Besides, he felt like no matter what he said to you at this moment, you wouldn’t believe him. He couldn’t even blame you for that. After all, it was him who put you both in this situation.

Big fat tears freely fell from your eyes. He ached to reach for you and hold you close.

“I feel like I’m living under her shadow. Do I have to compete with her for a place in your heart my entire life?” Your voice was barely above a whisper.

“What? No! I love you. I’m so sorry for making you feel that way, and I’ll spend the rest of my life making up to you.”

Spencer tentatively moved closer to you, and when you didn’t react, he tried reaching for your hand. A sigh of relief escaped his lips when you didn’t take your hand away from his.

“Sweetheart. I’m really sorry for what I did. Please give me a chance to make this right.”

“I don’t know, Spence.”

He panicked. “You… Do you no longer love me?” The question left his mouth before he even realized.

“I still love you, but I don’t know if I can forgive you yet.”

He’d gladly take that answer. At least he knew that he still had the chance to right his wrong. He could plan what to do in order for you to forgive him. He would grovel if he had to. He didn’t really care, as long as he could obtain your forgiveness.

“What can I do to make this right?”

“Give both of us time and space to thoroughly think about what we want.”

“No, but… I don’t need those to know what I want.”

“I do, Spence.”

That night, Spencer reluctantly left your apartment, but not before promising you one more time that he’d do whatever it took to right his wrong.

---

It’s been two weeks since Spencer came to your apartment. True to his words, he continuously made amends while still respecting your wish for time and space. You didn’t contact him as often as you usually did, but he would still tell you about his whereabouts throughout the day. You knew from Penelope that he would ask about you through her, because of course he knew you would talk to her. You apologized to her that he kept bothering her, but she only shrugged it off like it wasn’t a big deal for her.

While he was away for a case, every other day, he sent bouquets of flowers to your apartment. He had sent 3 bouquets so far. Knowing Spencer, each of the flowers must’ve been chosen with intention, and not random at all. Therefore, you looked up the meanings for each flower.

The first bouquet he sent was a mix of Lily of the Valley; the classic apology flower, Red Tulip; for one’s true love, and one that represented your birth month. The second one was a mix of Statice; for remembrance, Dahlia; the symbol of commitment, and one that represented the month you both started dating. The last bouquet you received yesterday was a mix of roses in different shades. Red Rose; the ultimate symbol of eternal love, Peach Rose; for gratitude, White Rose; represented a new beginning, and Yellow Rose; for lasting happiness.

As you were about to make yourself dinner, you heard your phone buzzing. A text from him.

Spencer [06:29 PM]: The case is closed. We’re going home tonight.

You reread his text a few times, then glanced at the flowers he gave you — now neatly put in a vase and placed in your kitchen counter. Maybe it was time to have another talk with him?

You [06:34 PM]: Can I come to your place tomorrow?

The response came immediately, like he was waiting for you to reply.

Spencer [06:35 PM]: Of course. Just let me know when you’re on your way.

Truthfully, you weren’t even sure what you wanted to talk about, but one thing you knew for sure was how you missed Spencer. You just hoped you made the right decision.

The next day, after informing your boyfriend, you went to his apartment around noon. Aside from your rapid heartbeat, the commute to his place was uneventful. The last time you felt this nervous at the prospect of meeting Spencer was probably on your first date with him, which was funny considering the current situation you both were in.

It only took two knocks before he opened his apartment door. The corner of your mouth drew downwards at the sight of him. Penelope had told you that Spencer looked like a mess ever since he left your apartment two weeks ago, but you didn’t know he looked this awful. His hair was in disarray, as if he’s been running his fingers through his curls in the last hours. The dark circles under his eyes were more noticeable, perhaps he had trouble sleeping. It wasn’t like yours were any better, but at least you managed to conceal them with your makeup.

“Hey.”

“Hey, please come in.” He stepped aside to let you in.

You immediately went to the living room, and tried to make yourself comfortable. From the couch, you could see Spencer in the kitchen, probably making tea for both of you. Your guess was correct when he walked to the living room with two cups in his hands. A tiny smile adorned your face when you noticed one of the cups — doodles all over it. You insisted on buying it when you two went to the local market close to his apartment a few months ago. You wanted to have something that was yours in his place. He always made your drink of choice in that cup. Spencer put the cups on the coffee table, then sat on the other corner of the couch.

You could tell that he was nervous. Probably more nervous than you were. He was most likely afraid he’d say something wrong that’d jeopardize the relationship further. You put an end to the silence by striking up a conversation ��� something easy.

“Thank you for the flowers. They were beautiful.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“I also did my own research on the language of the flowers.”

“You did?” 

You noticed the way his eyes lit up from your confession. “Of course. I didn’t even know there’s a flower that represents my birth month.”

You missed this, having a laid-back conversation with him. However, you knew the heavy conversation was also inevitable, so you told him that he could start his explanation if he wanted to.

He told you everything, from the beginning down to every tiny detail, like the book “The Narrative of John Smith” and the bouquets of flowers. He even mentioned how Beth, the florist, had remembered him and his order after the second year. 

The knots in your stomach felt more and more undeniable as his story went on. It hurt knowing how the guilt still consumed him, and the fact that to some extent Spencer still cared about Maeve.

By the time he was done with his explanation, his eyes were looking anywhere but you, and his hands were fidgeting the hems of his cardigan. The guilt you saw in his eyes wasn’t the reflection of how he felt towards her. It was the regret for causing you pain.

“Spence. Honestly, I’m still hurting, and I don’t know if I can fully forgive you just yet.” You saw the moment the light in his eyes dimmed even more, and maybe your heart cracked a little. “But I’m willing to try again. You have to be patient with me though.”

He looked directly into your eyes, probably searching for any hint of doubt in them. “Anything. I’ll do anything to gain your forgiveness.” He slowly moved closer to you on the couch, but still maintained some distance, afraid he might startle you. “I love you. I’ll do everything in my power to correct my wrongdoings. I promise.”

You offered him your hand, which he immediately took. You smiled at him as he squeezed your hand. For the first time in a while, you knew it’d be alright. It might take some time, but you knew that the two of you would survive this one.

[poetryvampire]

✨️trop men and if they could get you off based mostly on vibes ✨️

💕Now to level the playing field let's give a simple y/n on if they could get the job done during your first time together and the overall mood of the evening. Mildly nsfw (I'm not gonna get too detailed...unless 👀)

Adar💀 Yes. Woof, not to get too crass right off the bat but daddy is the name he earned so yes absolutely. Also brace yourself it will be kinkier than you think and it will awaken something in you. And it would start off painfully slow just easing you into it lightly. Seems like a great opportunity to try things you've been curious about but beware you're getting into like five kinks that haven't even crossed you mind before. One minute you're having a romantic candle lit dinner then Bam youre wearing a chain collar with his name on it.

Elrond 😇 Oh, god bless. No. Baby I'm sorry but no. That being said it would still be a great time with really positive vibes. But Elrond would get too in his own head thinking about options and the best 'plan of attack' to actually deliver. Plus he would play it super safe not wanting to off put you in anyway and thus would kill the passion a bit. Still would be the biggest sweetheart and over all give you a fun time. (Give him time to build his confidence though lotr Elrond Fucks for sure)

Halbrand 🐶 LISTEN Listen listen...No. Hear me out. I just-I feel it in my blood that this guy will rizz you so hard and talk such a big game and than when he time comes it's just ok at best. Like he's made at least one person come before and thinks he has cracked the code. Still his heart's (seemingly) in the right place and its pretty romantic over all. Lots and lots of cuddling.

Annatar 🐱 Yes. And it's amazing but the vibes are terrible. He gets way too intense too fast. He's the kind of guy to say some really weird shit during. Like not even anything dirty just waxing poetic about how you're part of each now and the bond of your bodies is inescapable even in death. And he waaay into talking about how you belong to him now and you're just like?? Is he just talking crazy in the heat of the moment or ?? Also no aftercare and he's 100% gone when you wake up.

Arondir 🏹 Yes. And it's Good but not as romantic as you were hoping. He's into you but Arondir def doesn't realize what a catch he is and is surprised that you're so here for him. Also buddy's got a lot going on so he's still gonna be pretty guarded emotionally. Still he's extremely respectful and such a good kisser like he's got your head spinning and you've barely started.

Elendil 🗡 No. But he tries hard and it's a great time. He's kinda got that big puppy Halbrand thing going on but like genuine. Def more into you than you are him. Elendil will rizz you with care. Pays very close attention to what you like/want. Even if it doesnt happen he's fine with talking about it, even makes a few light jokes at his expense. He's terribly good at putting you at ease. By the end of the night you're more smitten than you first thought.

Celebrimbor 💍 Yes. Are you kidding me?We're talking mastery, we're talking attentiveness, we're talking about a very smitten old man that's going to court you with his whole heart. The vibes are impeccable and he's going to make it known that taking care of you is his top priority. Additionally I can't explain why but you know this man's head game is god tier.

Gil Galad 🏵 Yes. Don't even get me started on how this man is gonna rock your world. The high king is a big guy so it's go big or go home when it comes to love and affection. He doesn't allow himself to pursue romance often but when he does he goes hard. In terms of the act itself and the amount of extravagance and detail he'd put into wooing you. Plus cmon you know he's stressed and pent up as hell. Brace yourself for being be absolutely worshipped All night. You're in for a wicked case of jelly legs and you're not going anywhere.

[arottenlust]

cuz im pretty when i cry (the inspiration)

everything started with that edit. i don’t know what it was, but something about it was hard to look away from. ive rewatched it like a hundred times at this point. the song and the smile on his face inspired the first iteration of this story.

spoilers for the series below (kind of? It kinda fucks w the immersion i think. Idk its spoilerish to me)

one where youre desperate for any crumb of his affection, desperate to have your affections returned, and sukuna is willing and happy to enable your sickness. it grew from there to it instead being a misunderstanding of sorts- sukuna is showing his love and dedication the only way he knows how, with action instead of words. you, used to the very hot and cold and emotionally abusive environment you grew up in, don’t know how to pick up on this. it leads to you slowly falling apart more and more, miserably obsessed with keeping your place beside him, lashing out at any perceived obstacles, despite the fact that sukuna never planned to leave, would never want to. And, blinded by your seemingly easygoing nature and the fact that he quite enjoys your increasingly psychotic behavior, knowing that it stems from your love for him, sukuna doesn’t notice anything is amiss until the cracks begin to splinter and break you apart.

I didn’t plan to make you yandere esque, but it seems that the more twisted parts of me leaked into the story. Oops?

im not sure about including smut. I think i might but im still on the fence about that one…. I probably will tho

it has a happy ending. I didn’t want to give it one, I wanted it to just be a sad, horrifically desperate, story, but this route seemed a little more interesting to write. I think I’ll probably write a different version in the future, one where sukuna really doesn’t care.

the relationship is unhealthy in the sense that a well adjusted person wouldn’t frame their entire life around another person the way you do in this story. i.e youre a yandere. in your head, sukuna could keep you locked up and treat you like his dog-servant-thing, and you’d be happy because you’d be the sole object of his attention. (While u may be unaware) He feels the same in reverse, and he wouldn’t do that anyways, because he’s obsessed and he values you more than you value yourself. That’s why it’s unhealthy. And also because you tweak out if he talks to other people at all with anything on his face other than complete and utter indifference…. but hey! You’re working on it. Basically, It’s written um, romantically? Yes I’m romanticizing the codependent yandereisms sue me. But ya not super heart breaking and depressing. just putting that out there because I get really like unreasonably hurt when i read unhealthy -> very sad fics instead of unhealthy -> very in love and reciprocated fics

dykwim?

ugh. I’ll need to write a prequel or something. I want you all to see the way you go from normal and unattached to fighting the urge to stick cameras in his room and huff his underwear. You’re so weird. Stop fantasizing about killing the people he talks to, they dont even exist!

i originally planned to make it as gender neutral as i could but a lot of the scenarios don’t make sense if youre not fem, so that’s that. if that changes throughout the course of writing out the series, i shall let you all know.

also. should i make a playlist?

[tanadrin]

Sorry about the long ask, but what do you think about this claim: i often see marxists (and adjacent groups, blah blah) say that the united states (empire) is about to collapse or is gradually declining, something along those lines, and specifically with regard to its economy, military and ideology. For example, i was watching a video hosting Richard Wolff, and he claimed that the united states is being replaced by china as the global superpower; he compares the situation to the historical rise of the united states relative to the british empire that slowly took place in the 19th and 20th centuries. I think his comparison is slightly flawed (imo hes comparing apples to oranges here), but in the broad strokes he might be right? I also remember seeing a pretty respectable maoist on here claim the us military is failing. Idk, i would like to hear your take

This answer got real long, so I added a cut. The short version is "people who say things like this are living in a fantasy land, and you can safely ignore their opinions on anything else as a result."

The United States is not the USSR in 1990 or Somalia in 1994 or Rome in the fifth century, or anything similar. Failed states are absolutely a thing, and they're fascinating (and often quite depressing!) historical case studies, and the United States looks nothing like a failed state. It's not even about to collapse in the sense of "suffer a prolonged period of sharp economic decline that forces it to drastically reduce its presence in the wider world and curtails its power in influence." It's not even about to collapse in the sense of "experience significant regime change." The U.S. economy is, overall, doing quite well. There is no significant popular unrest. There is no elite appetite for revolution. There are not competing centers of power that would rather see the status quo burned to the ground than their rivals get power. You might want the U.S. to collapse, and you might not, but the idea it is about to is pure fantasy.

I think before we get to any other specific claims about the United States' position relative to other countries, it's important to note that claims of impending American collapse are, like claims of impending civilizational collapse or Paul Ehrlich's claim of worldwide hunger or breathless claims that the war in Ukraine is going to escalate into WW3 any day now, IMO affective claims about how the speaker feels about the world: there is a certain class of person who, whether out of nihilistic glee, hope of revolutionary change, or simply untrammeled anxiety sees the signs of collapse all around them, Doom-Is-Nigh streetcorner prophets who are emotionally invested in the idea of collapse, for whom the idea of collapse would often justify some pillar of their politics. If, after all, the US is a failed state about to be toppled by its own decadence, this would justify their inordinate degree of contempt for the US.

On another recent post someone phrased claims like this as often being more about "what would be necessary for someone's politics to be justified," and I think that's an important part of it! In fact I think "affective claims about the world being distorted into factual claims about the world bc they are what would be necessary to justify someone's politics" is a fully general phenomenon, regardless of political orientation. There are much milder forms of it than out-and-out doomerism, though of course the absurdity of doomerist claims to this degree make it really hard to take someone's claims about the state of the world seriously.

About the specific claims here:

Re: China: China has experienced terrific growth since the end of WW2, and that's great! A country of over a billion people should by any reasonable metric be one of the largest economies on Earth, and China is, it seems, taking its inevitable place internationally as an economic powerhouse. It's a big country with a ton of people, and it's terrific that it has been able to lift so many people out of the grinding poverty that prevailed throughout much of the country in the 20th century. But like a lot of middle-income countries it seems to be having a ton of trouble, for significant institutional reasons, transitioning from an industrialization-focused economy to one driven by consumer demand and consumer spending. AIUI (and I am so, so far from an expert; mostly I just read what folks like @argumate post from other sources), China has a lot of debt dragging down its economy, and weak consumer demand. China is still much poorer than the United States on a per capita basis, and though it has a large military, is much less capable of projecting its power beyond its borders. It has aspired to increase its economic and diplomatic influence through the Belt and Road initiative, but returns on this project have been decidedly mixed, and China's military and strategic focus remains decidedly confined to its neighborhood. It wants to absorb Taiwan and protect its interests in the South China Sea, and prop up North Korea and such, but it's not able to or interested in, like, fielding large carrier groups that routinely sail up and down the world's oceans or conduct invasions of distant countries like the U.S. is able to. N.B., I'm not saying those invasions are good, just that the U.S. can historically, if it wants, invade and occupy basically any small-to-medium sized country on the planet in a few weeks, and that's not the kind of capability China has, or--AFAICT--is interested in developing.

The British Empire comparison is also, I think, very misleading, and gets at something I find frustrating about a lot of modern Marxists: they want to fit everything into the model of 19th century capitalist imperialism, when the modern global system doesn't look too much like that anymore. Mostly countries like the United States, if they have economic interests in a country, don't invade and reduce the country to a status of colony to extract raw resources from. The Cold War supported a fair bit of regime change in the service of commercial interests, even in the aftermath of post-WW2 decolonization, but nowadays the tools used to develop and enforce the international order preferred by the Status Quo Coalition (which is led, but not commanded by the United States) are much more indirect. They don't involve directly administering colonies, which is significant because colonialism is, for the states that run it, expensive as hell. Sure, it's great for commercial interests--but it's often more a drain on state finances than anything else. I have come around to the view that colonialism was as much an expression of wealth as it was a means to acquire more. Britain was always a small-but-wealthy island country whose empire was much, much larger than its metropole. The vast majority of the population and wealth controlled by the United States is within the fifty states which comprise the core territory of the United States. This isn't Britain with a far-flung overseas empire which is expensive to administer and a minority of Britons on the island itself--this is a country whose wealth and industry is built on a population of 350 million or so which identifies as American first, which speaks English and votes for President and congress. Most of the United States' actual imperial possessions are tiny archipelagoes these days that are economically marginal, or else military bases overseas--these do not generate American wealth and power, they are expressions of it. For the United States to collapse like the British Empire did, it would have to lose control of California and Texas and the Midwest or something like that--which is a goofy-ass fantasy, because if the United States federal government disappeared tomorrow, I think the vast majority of the 350 million or so people living in the present borders of the United States would support re-establishing the United States federal government. Americans like and support the country they live in! This is very different from the subjects of the British Raj, or even the people of Australia and Canada, who had begun to develop their own identity (and thanks to distance from the metropole, completely divergent economic and political interests).

"The U.S. is an empire analogous Britain" is only true if you squint from very far away and don't care about the specifics of history, economics, or politics. But I think again the way to understand this claim is partly affective. If the U.S. really is the second incarnation of the British Empire, then you can cast a lot of disparate conflicts that otherwise don't fit the mold under the aegis of a broad anti-colonial struggle. It also facilitates a certain sort of base campism that some people love to indulge in--the NATO-is-always-evil-so-anything-NATO-doesn't-like-is-good angle, which has a lot of self-described leftists backing in to saying that Putin's Russia is somehow an antifascist or anticolonial force for good in the world.

"The U.S. military is failing" is pure cope. There's no country or active coalition of countries that's even remotely close to the U.S. military in capabilities. Though there is always going to be a stream of waste and corruption and medium-sized bureaucratic fuckups streaming out of the U.S. military, it remains without peer simply by virtue of one of the largest economies on the planet being willing to spend like 4% of its GDP on military stuff. The EU or China might in some counterfactual world be able to field a similar military if they spent a comparable amount, and had similar strategic aims, but they won't and they don't, so unless U.S. foreign policy drastically changes and military spending is slashed as a result, I don't see that changing at any time in the near future.

[merrimentsmight]

Cicero nsfw dom/sub general hcs pls

Okay so I think he is a pretty subby switch, but obviously its complicated because his own relationship with power and service in the Dark Brotherhood is complicated. This is a large part of what makes Cicero so interesting and sexy: no matter what he is doing there is always something else simmering under the surface, either a secret resentment or a secret affection. When the Listener is dominating him it falls under the hierarchy of the Dark Brotherhood, to which he is loyal and incredibly devoted in action, but also which he hates for the position it has placed him in, and all the years it left him in torment. When he is dominating the Listener it is a transgression against that hierarchy, which must feel just incredibly satisfying until he thinks about it for too long, and then he is wracked with guilt for bearing ill will against the Dark Brotherhood, the Listener, and the Night Mother. Obviously none of this is emotionally healthy or safe BDSM, but this kind of inescapable religious guilt and repression is not an uncommon element in erotica.

Anyway I think he's a huge sadomasochist and would be into punishment and humiliation, with a big catalyst being him masturbating without permission or despite orders, or him coming too soon. He does not need to find any contrivances for punishing the Listener, because hes really punishing them for being chosen over him, and would probably bring up and humiliate them for things he sees as actual failings instead of for fun roleplay reasons. This is also obviously unhealthy.

He likes leaving marks and being marked up, especially in visible places like his neck. He likes to be put into contraptions like the rack or stocks. He likes to get whipped, he likes it when magic is used on him. When he is hurting the Listener his methods are more simple. He likes to get on top of them, choke them, and use a knife. If he does restrain them he uses rope and ties it too tightly, because he wants to leave marks on their wrists and ankles. He also likes the idea of having sex in public and other people being able to hear them if they have sex at in inn or something.

Cicero would find the tables turning during sex to be incredibly thrilling in either direction, and is not too proud to go from sneering to simpering in an instant (or vise versa). More than once he has probably become incredibly aroused while sparring with the Listener, and fighting-as-foreplay would appeal to him, even or especially with real danger involved.

[fishsticksloser]

Megumi SFW HCs

Warnings: opinions, fluff, slight spoilers

A/N: Gumi is my spirit animal... Requests are still open!

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

He doesn't seem very affectionate.

Over all he's not very touchy, normally showing his love with quality time, just enjoying time with his partner.

Especially after the last battle, he's very touch adverse, scared that Sukuna hasn't left and that he'll hurt his partner. He feels very icky, making touch feel like pin pricks...

At least for a while anyways.

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He loves his partner's hands. He enjoys holding them, massaging them. He likes playing with their fingers when he's anxious, often doing it unconsciously as well.

He doesn't really favor any part of him. He uses his hands a lot with his sorcery so he'd probably just say that.

But overall, he doesn't really have a reason.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Not really?

Megumi isn't against it, sometimes there are just days where he needs it, but he doesn't go out of his way to get cuddles.

If his partner wants them, he will give them though.

He finds that his partner laying on top of him is the most comfortable, leaving his arms free so he can read or something.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

He does, especially after the last battle. He doesn't want to fight anymore. He wants to have a normal life or at least one as normal as possible given he's a sorcerer.

He's very clean, making sure every space he was is cleaner than he got it. And he's a decent cook.

He can learn pretty quick and has been taught a few recipes by Yuji.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Blunt as hell.

There's no sugarcoating, no comfort.

If it was done to protect his partner, he stews on it afterwards, wanting to go running back, but he knows its better this way. He knows they deserve better.

F = Fiancé(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

He things commitment is a good thing, but not something he's been capable of.

Megumi is not going from partner to partner by any means, but he feels like his sorcery keeps him from being able to commit. What if something happens to his partner? He can't protect everyone.

If he is able to, he waits at least 2 years, giving them plenty of time to leave if needed. He also waits until he and his partner have a deep conversation about where this is going.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Physically he's pretty gentle, though he can be rough too. (ie smacking Yuji) He will never outright hurt his partner, but if they're playing around, he can get pretty rough.

Emotionally he is very rough. He doesn't really like sugarcoating things, valuing communication over feelings. BUT! He can get pretty sentimental, his voice and words soft. This is very rare though.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He's not the biggest fan, but he also doesn't turn them down.

He only gives hugs if someone asks or if they force him into one (Yuji).

They're normally loose, especially if he doesn't want or know the person. But they do tighten, squeezing the person a little tighter than you'd think.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Never...

Well... At least it feels like it. Megumi is very anxious about saying it, worried that once he does, everything will change.

When he does, it's in passing in hopes his partner doesn't notice. He feels so nervous saying it, he wants it to feel natural, unnoticeable.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He doesn't get jealous so much as he gets insecure.

Megumi can definitely get jealous, but he's more worried that his partner will leave him because he's broken and unwell.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

He loves kissing his partner's lips, but also their cheeks. The way the scrunch up, how soft they are...

He likes when his partner kisses his face, anywhere on his face. It makes him feel grounded.

They're normally soft and sweet.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He's not great with kids.

They're sticky and gross. Coughing with their mouths open like that? EW

But does he want kids...? He's not really against the idea.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He's up and moving

He has things to do, people to see, so he has to get up pretty early.

He'll kiss his partner before he leaves, sending them a small text to brighten their morning when they wake up.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Megumi joins his partner's nighttime routine.

He enjoys the intimacy and closeness. He may not do exactly what they do, but there are a lot of small touches and giggles as they get ready for bed.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

He's pretty standoffish.

The simpler things (favorite color and such) he'll share

But he takes a while to get into the deeper stuff.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He has a fairly short temper, but its also a choice few things that really set him off.

When he is angry, he normally gets pretty quiet when he's angry, trying to get it under control before he snaps.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

This man keeps it all in a notebook that he keeps hidden from prying eyes.

It has every little important thing his partner has every said, shown interest in, etc.

He has a pretty good memory, but it helps to write it down.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

The first kiss

Taking his partner on the first big date

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Very protective

Megumi does everything in his power to protect his partner. They're his everything.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Dates, anniversaries, gifts... He doesn't put a whole lot of effort into, it's just not how he shows love. But if its something very very special, he'll put in a lot of effort.

Everyday tasks, he gives it his all.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He bites his nails a lot, so they're in bad shape. It's a habit he's been trying to break.

Megumi also has a habit of pulling his hair when he's overwhelmed, then shutting down afterwards.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Not overly worried.

He'll dress up nice for his partner, enjoying how excited they get.

He normally looks pretty nice anyways, but he puts in a lot of extra to make sure when needed.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

He knows he can live without his partner, he knows that.

But he definitely doesn't want to.

He feels incomplete, but he knows that's just a symptom of his partner not being around.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

While he's very quiet, Megumi takes in everything.

He has a habit of always make sure he knows he knows what's going on, eavesdropping unintendedly.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Don't mess with him like Gojo does, that is reserved for Gojo himself.

Don't assume things. It makes him angry, especially if it means embarrassing him.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

If he has a nightmare, he can't wake up by himself, he needs help.

But most of the time, he just cuddles close, sleeping soundly.

He's a light sleeper though, so small noises can wake him.

[that-ineffable-devil]

Long post incoming, but I've been on and off it for days so you're gonna see it.

On Charles and Love

I think there's a lot more to Charles' reaction to Edwin's confession than what we may first assume.

Charles loves harder than anyone, but I don't think he even knows what it means or feels like to be IN love--or to be loved back. This isn't a dig at Edwin, so don't @ me. This has to do with Charles' past.

When Edwin first confesses on the steps of Hell, Charles doesn't even hesitate with his response: "Great, love you too, can we go now?" He does love Edwin, one way or another. He hasn't needed to examine that love any further. He doesn't think Edwin could mean it that way, because Edwin probably has never given any indication of feeling that for anyone. Perhaps he didn't think Edwin capable of love in that way. Perhaps it's his own repressed sexuality. Perhaps it's the feeling that he is inherently unlovable. Perhaps it's a combination of things.

On Edwin's and Charles' Repression

Look, Edwin is clearly autistic and heavily emotionally repressed--he's British, from 1916, and male. That's the perfect storm of emotional repression. But he clearly feels and feels deeply--he just doesn't always let on about it. (Which is such a nice thing to see for autistic representation, the "unfeeling alien" trope ain't it.)

And even though they've been together for 30 years, they clearly do not talk about deep emotions much, because it makes Edwin uncomfortable and Charles probably wouldn't manage to get much out before cracking a joke instead--it's his defense mechanism.

As for his own repression, Charles grew up in the 80s as a biracial kid with an abusive father. He was also at least questionably queer while alive: he was part of an alt crowd, wore eyeliner, and wore a single dangly earring. Now that doesn't mean for certain he's queer or questioning, but it IS a pretty common code in media and storytelling. And I imagine no small part of his father's excuses for abusing Charles had to do with "beating the queer out of him." Of COURSE that led to repression--how could it not?

On Feeling Unlovable

And the feeling that he's inherently unlovable? Does he really feel that way? I think so.

He wants it. He wants to be loved so badly. And because of that, he tries so hard. He tries to stay light and happy and kind, even when he's suffering underneath--he has his own flavor of emotional repression. Because if he can't be loved, he can at least be liked.

And he doesn't just want people to like him, he needs them to like him, because he needs to know he's likable. Because there's safety in being likable. There's safety in being funny and friendly and "a good sort of chap." It's proof he's not the monster his father was--the monsters his friends were. It's his shield. The shield he uses to protect himself from the world, yes, but also to protect the world from him. Or at least, who he thinks he is, deep down.

It's also, in his mind, his only chance at being loved. His only chance at staying loved. Because love is earned. Because love is the reward for good behavior. At least, that's how it was as a kid, right? And that's all he knows. He died before he could experience any other kind of love--besides the love between himself and Edwin, which is its own complicated matter.

The other difficult aspect of growing up in a household where love and affection were weaponized and where violence is an acceptable reaction to anger, is how it radically alters your perception of love and family.

You crave the love and validation you never received, but you also fear it and don't believe it's real when it comes without strings.

You struggle to identify love in healthy relationships because if it doesn't hurt, then is it really love?

And even though you crave it more than anything, you're afraid of it. You're afraid for things to get real, because real love--or your understanding of it--is dangerous.

Because love is a weapon and you can't bear for anyone to use it against you again.

Hurt People Hurt People...Sometimes

Trauma manifests differently in each person. There are some commonalities, but it's never exactly the same. I know the saying is "hurt people hurt people" and that's not entirely wrong. But sometimes, hurt people heal people--or at least try to. Charles is in the second group.

Charles never, ever wants anyone to feel the kind of love he knew while he was alive. So he paradoxically loves openly while remaining guarded. His loyalty and devotion are unmatched. He went to Hell for Edwin. But he also never told Edwin the truth about his father until essentially forced to. Because that involves vulnerability. It involves, in his eyes, weakness. And what did vulnerability and "weakness" get him in life? Well...dead.

But he craves reciprocation. He needs to feel like he can be vulnerable, safely. I don't think that Edwin has done anything to make him feel unsafe, but being that they're both emotionally surpressed boys killed by other boys for perceived weaknesses at 16 and the lack of a ghost therapist...it's not all that surprising they haven't dealt with their issues in 30 years.

I think this is why he latches onto Crystal so quickly and easily. Firstly, she's alive: he can at least pretend to ignore his own death for a bit. Secondly, she's his age (sort of) and can see him, which is an uncommon experience at best. Thirdly, again--she's alive, so it can never last--never be real. Either she'll age beyond him, or she'll die and likely be taken to her afterlife. Which he'll happily ignore for the first two reasons.

On Types of Love

I won't get too into this, because I'm in no way an expert in the wide variety of emotions attributed to love. But I will say this: Charles died at 16.

If we set aside the possibility of him being aromantic for now (which he absolutely could be), he may never have had the chance to fall in love while he was alive. If he could even recognize it for what it was. I mean, I'm in my 30s, been married and divorced twice, and I'm still not sure I've ever been in love. At 16, you're drowning in hormones and it can be hard to decipher feelings.

On Arrested Development

If you think about it, his death and subsequent ghostly afterlife are a supernatural version of the arrested development a lot of child abuse survivors experience. But his development arrested literally--he literally CAN'T grow up. At least, not physically.

He may have had 30 years to address his issues, but why would he have thought to? He doesn't have the same responsibilities or needs as a living adult. He's constantly on the job or on the run from Death, he's living with Emotional Repression the Person (my beloved), and frankly...it hurts to examine those problems. How many adults are actively avoiding their own issues?

On the Confession

Edwin, with the most heartwrenching tone of voice since David "I would like to spend" Tennant, makes clear that he's IN love with Charles. And for a moment Charles looks like he's been walloped in the gut with an iron bar, trying to process. But then the trauma-brain kicks in.

He finds the first "logical" explanation to someone (Edwin) telling him they love him: it's a literary reference, and Edwin is...maybe not "messing" with him, but maybe being extra dramatic about this? It can't be real.

But then Edwin gets upset--he's serious about this. And Charles sort of...short-circuits. He can't process this right now, not when they're running for their afterlives. Not when the Night Mother is waiting to split them up. Not when he's barely even begun to process his trauma. So he does everything he can to make sure Edwin knows that, no matter what, he loves him. Maybe not in the same way, but with the same depth.

Because they'll have time. They'll have all the time in the world to figure out what this means. Because they certainly don't right now, and everything Edwin is saying flies directly in the face of every opinion Charles has ever held about himself.

And what the hell is he supposed to do with that?

[everestgale]

Sorry if this is a bad hour but I have a question. Is there any part of StP you think is genuinely bad?

No worries! I usually respond to asks when I have time/when I'm in the mood to talk anyways, so it's never a bad time to send an ask!

In general, I don't think I really feel comfortable with saying any parts of StP are genuinely bad, per se, because the game is just so expertly crafted and means so much to me personally that I'd be lying if I said I'm not biased to it. And also I'm no media expert, I'm not even that great at media analysis either, so I generally tend to be quite reserved with judgements; there is no way I could, in good conscience, say that any parts of StP are objectively bad or anything like that.

What I can share, though, are my personal dislikes about the game and its writing. There aren't a lot of them, and of course, the positives far, far outweigh the negatives (I wouldn't be here if they didn't), but I still have a couple of issues with the game, and I want to talk about one:

Happily Ever After lets the Long Quiet, or rather, you, the player, get away with too much.

Now for full context, Happily Ever After is one of my favorite chapters in the whole game. It is deeply personal to me, and I resonate with it on a very strong level; it emotionally devastated me, in the best way possible, when I played it for the first time (Paranoid variant), and this chapter holds a very special place in my heart.

...that being said, I dislike the fact that the game never acknowledges that it's your fault that everyone is miserable and stuck in the cabin. You made the decision to stay in the cabin, but the game never calls you out on that, never forcing you to acknowledge that you did this. It weakens the ending of the chapter for me, especially with the princess asking "Do you... still care about me?"... I know the game gives you a lot of options in that moment, a lot of which are written well, but the option to say "Of course I do" just feels so off and so hollow to me, and I can't seem to verbalize it quite well, but it really annoys me.

In general, the ending is very sweet, but in my opinion, it doesn't feel that earned, precisely because the game never acknowledges your fault and never lets you to truly apologize for it, to feel remorseful for it, to earn that moment of dancing under the stars. Though, I do very much like that scene from the princess's perspective, as I've rambled about in tags of this post, as this symbolic moment of her finally getting her wish fulfilled after being denied and denied and denied for so long.

I'm sure I'm not expressing my thoughts very clearly, and I apologize for that, I just feel quite passionate about HEA because it really did impact me so much, and so these personal dislikes about the chapter irk me because it feels like a missed potential to me, on an already such a great chapter. If it affected me this much and this deeply when, in my opinion, it has a pretty major flaw in its story... I can't help but imagine how much more powerful it would've been without said flaws.

Though like I said in the other post, even with those problems, I adore this chapter a lot. And this kind of extends to the whole game too, whatever issues I might have with the game, those all pale in comparison to just how many things the game did right, and just how much this game has impacted me, and just how much I love and adore this game, and just how much this game has changed my life. Thank you, Slay the Princess, thank you, Black Tabby Games, and thank you, Slay the Princess community, all for being so wonderful <3

[g0nta-g0kuhara]

The Chapter 4 Essay Part 1: Kokichi Ouma

A metapost on my thoughts on Kokichi’s overall motivations and Gonta’s actions during ch4. Split into two parts. You can find the Gonta half here: (LINK)

I think the way Kokichi acts when he’s telling the truth says something crucial about his personality. When he’s telling the genuine truth, his expression becomes carefully neutral.

(post trial, chapter 1)

To me, it feels like he’s trying very hard to keep this face of neutrality. Normally, he’s able to expertly express any emotion that he wants to. In these moments, its almost like the emotion he’s feeling is so overpowering that he’s trying to repress it in order to maintain control over the face he presents to everyone else, but isn’t quite able to do so.

Kokichi is very careful about keeping people from seeing the parts of himself that he doesn’t choose to show. His villain persona and constant lying is part of this- He wants to keep people away from him. During the events of the killing game, he uses the distance that he creates in many ways. Part of it was that not having many close alliances allowed him to go off and do whatever he wanted during daily life. This let him explore the school and investigate the truth of the killing game without interruption or much attention. Lying also gave him distance between the game and himself. Pretending that the killing game was fun might’ve been his way to cope with everything that was happening. I think Kokichi is really damn good at separating himself from his emotions, lying to himself to do what he thinks needs to be done. This line from Chapter 1 is pretty telling…

(post trial, chapter 1)

This was also something he says himself to Kaito in the exisal hanger during chapter 5.

(post trial, chapter 5)

I’m inclined to believe everything that Kokichi says to Kaito in the exisal hanger. As Kiibo says when Kaito questions it, “I think his dying words may have been the honest truth.” Knowing he was about the die, and that he absolutely needed Kaito’s help to get his plan to break the killing game to work- to achieve his genuine, true goal- I don’t see any reason for him to lie.

This emotional distance extends past just the killing game. I think it's a key part of how he interacts with others around him.

Kokichi is an ultimate leader. I think he uses his talent throughout the game in an attempt to “lead” everyone from the shadows. He wanted to stop the killing game and escape with as many people as possible. However, his methods are very ends-justify-the-means. I believe that he did genuinely care about everyone at the ultimate academy, but in the detached way a distant king might care about his subjects. On the other hand, if he had to use or sacrifice a few as pawns for the greater good, that is what had to be done. It’s not like it didn’t emotionally affect him, but I think he was deliberately trying to keep his distance so that it would not impact him as much, and so that he could continue trying to tear the killing game apart with as many tools in his arsenal as possible.

(post trial, chapter 5)

With this core motivation in mind, this brings us to Chapter 4.

In my opinion, the Killing Game Busters was never a plan that was meant to succeed. From an in-game perspective, the idea that he was originally going to follow this mercy kill plan doesn’t make sense to me. Firstly, Kokichi already had suspicions that they were being watched as early as chapter 3.

(post trial, chapter 3)

…and he later confirms that he was fully convinced of this fact when Monokuma agreed to reuse the chapter 4 motive in the virtual world.

(post trial, chapter 5)

He knew that this killing game was for somebody else’s entertainment. I’ll go a bit into the secret of the outside world in a moment, but considering this, I don’t think he ever fully believed in it. Choosing to mercy kill everyone, in the name of a “truth” that was incompatible with what he had discovered… just doesn’t make sense to me.

Not to mention, from a narrative standpoint, I think the idea that he was completely for this mercy kill plan, decided to throw out the plan mid-trial, and then start an entirely different plan to end the killing game in chapter 5, isn’t very compelling. It weakens Kokichi’s overall character by making his motivation less cohesive and making him seem less organized over all, which I think is one of his strengths as a character. A Kokichi that is this fickle with what he’s trying to do would not have been able to write the script for chapter 5.

I think he always had different goals in mind with the Killing Game Busters. The first was something that is made very clear in chapter 5, but started here in chapter 4: He wanted to stop the killing to give himself room to break the game while minimizing deaths. The second was to further villainize himself, for all the reasons I talked about above, and some more I will get into in a little bit.

Seeing the secret of the outside world was undoubtably disturbing, regardless of whether he believed it or not; there is a noticeable shift in how Kokichi acts before and after he swipes that card key. Combined with discovering that Miu, someone he’d been working with closely, was planning on murdering him, I believe that seeing the destruction of the outside world pushed him towards more drastic measures than what he had been doing in previous chapters. He decided that in order for his plan in chapter 5 to work (which he had almost certainly already been planning at this point, considering how elaborate it was), he needed to make everyone question if pursuing the truth was the right thing to do at all.

After Miu’s body discovery, nobody was really worried about losing this class trial. Everyone had seen how Shuichi had guided them all to the truth and caught the blackened three times in a row, despite the unique difficulties in each case. They had full confidence in his abilities.

(investigation, chapter 4)

Shuichi is also not really doubting his abilities as a detective anymore. One of Shuichi’s core internal conflicts is his fear of the consequences of revealing the truth. Up to this point, it seems like he’s been moving past it. Especially after catching Korekiyo “Actual Serial Killer” Shinguji, who had no regrets or grey motivation for his killings. Shuichi’s morale, and subsequently everyone else’s, was at an all time high. (Of course, he was starting to feel a lot of pressure to solve these cases and save everyone on his own… but that’s another issue. ily Shuichi)

If Kokichi could take the wind out of Shuichi’s sails, really destroy the confidence he had built up so far, he could set up his impossible trial in chapter 5 to be more likely to work as intended. Everyone will be less motivated to try and figure out what happened if they are uncertain that finding the truth would actually result in anything good.

And I do believe he was trying to knock Shuichi off balance specifically. Damaging his confidence is one thing, but he was also deliberately trying to drive a wedge between him and Kaito. He antagonizes Kaito all chapter 4 investigation, including making up a nickname for Shuichi (“Shumai”) that directly riffs off Kaito’s closeness with Maki. He insists into the trial that he and Shuichi are partners now.

(class trial, chapter 4)

(Sidenote: Kokichi’s behaviour during trial 4 is genuinely really interesting to me. On top of the direct digs like this, he says a lot more subtle things to get under Kaito’s skin during trial 4 that I think are super neat to pay attention to.)

Theoretically, pushing Kaito away from Shuichi, combined with the powerlessness he’ll feel in the wake of the truth of both trial 4 and the outside world, could make him easier to convince to join Kokichi’s “side”. He even directly asks Shuichi to team up with him before leaving the virtual world:

(daily life, Chapter 4)

This leads me to believe that Shuichi was originally the one that Kokichi intended to use to build his impossible trial. I mean, if Shuichi was the one in the exisal hanger and presumed dead instead of Kaito, the chances of everyone else solving that mystery drops Significantly. Everyone else, aside from maybe Kiibo, was 100% convinced that Kokichi was the mastermind at that point. No one except Shuichi would’ve tried to dig as deep as he did, for better or for worse. I think this idea is supported by the note that Kokichi wrote next to Shuichi’s face on the whiteboard in his room (“trustworthy?”). He was clearly considering Shuichi as a person for one reason or another, and I believe this is it.

By condemning Gonta, who everyone else perceived as a kind soul who would never hurt anybody, someone who was struggling to understand what the virtual world even was with his amnesia, would be perceived by the others as kicking someone when they were down. Gonta has an absolutely miserable time through the accusations and wholly blames himself for how things turned out in the end. That, and Gonta’s actions were even well-intentioned. The secret of the outside world was apparently so horrible, Gonta thought it would be kinder to mercy kill everyone rather than force them to face it. This result would make everyone question if the truth was really as undoubtably good as they had come to think so far; Not only did Gonta suffer because they had to find the truth, but seeking the secret of the outside world would apparently also only lead to suffering. This would make them hesitate during Kokichi’s impossible trial.

(class trial, chapter 4)

As I said before, Kokichi’s second goal for trial 4 was villainizing himself even further. He says that this was a goal himself to Kaito in chapter 5.

(post trial, chapter 5)

Part of this villainization was just adding to the persona he had already created for himself and that I already talked about his motivations for before. The other part was what he says here. He specifically wanted everyone to think that he was the mastermind. This gave him leverage in two main ways. First, making himself appear to be the mastermind with an actual mastermind as hands off as Tsumugi genuinely gave him power over everyone else. He used this in chapter 5 to put a pause to the killings and give himself more room to enact his plan to break the killing game from the inside.

(daily life, chapter 5)

Although he then says “You guys can commit suicide together or kill each other… / Or, you can change your mind and stay here! You’re welcome to do that too!”, having experienced the secret of the outside world already, I think he’s pretty confident in what they will be feeling in this moment. No one is going to kill each other, and he knows that. He wants them to take that second option for the time being while he sets up his plot.

Making himself appear like the mastermind also benefited his impossible trial plan directly. Everyone would be much more likely to vote for someone they were convinced was the mastermind rather than one of their friends. No one would suspect that it was really him that was the victim.

“Using Gonta and making him into a murderer” was a significant part of how he villainized himself, but the way he treated Gonta during this whole experience was also a major factor. Starting as early as just after Miu was killed, he begins to be really aggressively mean to Gonta. He just straight up bullies him throughout the second half of the trial.

(daily life, chapter 4)

(class trial, chapter 4)

And then, after all this, he acts remorseful and sides himself with Gonta at the very end. It isn't genuine emotion like he felt before Kaede's execution, shown by his neutral expression. To me, this uncharacteristically open expression of grief feels like it was just set up to exacerbate the impact of his cruelty after Gonta’s execution. At this point, everybody’s little faith in Kokichi has been shaken significantly. With the shock of the trial, maybe you Could start to believe they were on the same side, as a team. Then, at the reveal of the extent of Kokichi’s manipulation, that is all ripped painfully away again.

(post trial, chapter 4)

(post trial, chapter 4)

Even if these parts of trial 4 make my stomach turn, I don’t want to imply that Kokichi is completely cold-hearted and unfeeling. Actually, I think there were multiple moments in chapter 4 that show him struggling to regulate his emotions and keep face around everyone else while he enacted this plan.

1: I don’t think Kokichi initially planned to make the reveal that Gonta was the killer as dramatic (or frankly, a bit traumatic) as it ended up being. He had been carrying himself a certain way during the first half of the trial, and I think Shuichi lying to his face in front of everyone about Kokichi’s own alibi dramatically changed his attitude. I mean, Shuichi lied (as he had done almost every trial and gotten 0 flack for) and Tsumugi even called him out on it, but everyone believed him over Kokichi anyways. So when Kokichi lies, it’s completely inexcusable, even though he’s been working tirelessly on his own trying to save everyone?* But when SHUICHI lies, and gets caught in it, people go along with him? They don’t doubt their trust in him for even a second? This double standard infuriated him. It’s at this point that he completely shifts in energy. If Shuichi, no, everyone, is going to disrespect him like this, he was going to make them suffer for it.

(class trial, chapter 4)

2: Kokichi only goes full villain after Kaito says “Kokichi, If you really cared for Gonta, explain yourself to everyone�� in the post trial. I think that even though he was always going to paint himself as the villain, he was legitimately affected by the things that had just happened (Gonta’s death, Miu’s attempted murder, the secret of the outside world, even if he knew it wasn’t real) and what he’d just done. Even if he was trying hard not to be. The sudden shift he has from not saying anything to cackling about how little he cared about Gonta feels to me like he was kicking himself back into gear after trying to process some genuinely difficult emotions. 3: After Kokichi punches Kaito down, and everyone completely ignores him in favour of helping Kaito up, Shuichi says these iconic words to Kokichi: “Kaito always has us by his side, see? But no one wants to be around you. / You’re alone, Kokichi. And you always will be.” Kokichi responds like this:

(Post-trial, chapter 4)

There’s something about the way he cuts himself off, pauses, and then his mask falls. I think Shuichi’s words got to him more than he wanted them to. Honestly, Kokichi’s attitude towards cooperation, keeping everyone at arm’s length, and insisting (to himself) that he (as a leader) must fix the killing game completely on his own just seems so lonely to me. Even if he is intentionally trying to alienate himself and get everyone to hate him, being so viscerally cut into like this must have hurt. Especially from someone he was trying to work to get onto his side. It’s no wonder he quickly left after this moment.

This is what I think drove Kokichi in chapter 4. He’s a leader who wants to “lead” his classmates into safety, but he isn’t afraid to use underhanded, cruel tactics if he thinks it will get him ahead in the game for the greater good. He viscerally represses his emotions in order to keep himself going and keep everyone else away from him. He tried to destroy Shuichi’s confidence and drive a wedge between him and Kaito to get him on his side for his plan. He used and made Gonta into a murderer to villainize himself and discourage everyone else from seeking the truth.

Whenever I imagine Kokichi on his own, out of the spotlight of the Audience or the eyes of his castmates, he’s never as expressive as he is in the open. I think in reality, Kokichi is a pretty depressed and lonely person. His clownish personality isn’t entirely a facade, and outside of a killing game scenario, I think he would act pretty similarly to how he does in game. But I do think that he uses it as a mask for his true emotions. While I feel like the “evil villain” persona is a genuine part of Kokichi’s personality, outside of the killing game he probably doesn’t act on it as deeply as he does in-game. I also think Kokichi struggles with letting people become close to him, even without anything on the line. The killing game just caused him to lean into these aspects of his personality hard, and in potentially the worst ways.

*I feel like here it’s important to mention that personally, I still think the collateral damage he caused in his attempts to stop the killing game matters. A lot. I don’t think he should be excused for the things he did, even if he had good intentions. This makes him a really interesting, morally grey character, and I like that about him. EDIT: I can't believe I have to add this, but please do not use this essay as ammunition for harassing people who ship ougoku… I don't agree with doing that at all. I hope I made it clear that I find Kokichi to be a complex character whose mistreatment of Gonta was never targeted, and more just an aspect how how he isolated himself and how he manipulated others to end the killing game, even if it caused suffering to them in the moment. Kokichi cares about everyone in the ultimate academy, in his own weird, detached way. He's not completely heartless nor is he an abusive monster. And even if none of that was the case, it's never an excuse to harass people for disagreeing with you. Please be cool!! Thanks <3

[obsidianpen]

I saw your comment on BG being a dark romance versus NG not really being able to claim the label, and it occurred to me I think that's part of what I like about NG? I'm also in the same camp of readers who argued that NG was less emotionally distressing than H&H, so make of that what you will.

The short version of this is just that I'm not really a fan of the dark romance genre (no shade to people who are, it's just not for me) and I like NG because I fundamentally agree that it's not actually a dark romance, at its core.

The longer version of this is that I would argue NG is not a romance, full stop. Does it have romantic leads? Yes. Does the plot center itself around their interactions and developing relationship? Yes. Is it a romance?

I would argue not, and for one key reason:

Harry doesn't like Voldemort.

Harry may manipulate or seduce, may challenge or cajole, but all of this is really a means to an end. He has some scant fondness for Voldemort, kind of, in select circumstances, but the reality is that if you gave him a "make Voldemort stop existing with no major consequences" button, he would smash that thing before you could even blink. He might not want to kill Voldemort, but Harry's closeness to him right now is primarily practical.

Voldemort, by contrast and against all his better judgement, genuinely likes Harry. He craves his approval and attention, and would likely be absolutely gutted to think too hard about how mercenary Harry's relationship with him truly is.

I say this as someone who's sitting on the sidelines with popcorn, rooting against all odds that somehow these two will work... something... out. But there's not actually a foundation of mutual interest upon which a romance novel is typically built.

For this reason, I'd argue that NG is probably closer in genre to dystopian fantasy. The dystopia is told through the relationship of Harry and Voldemort, pushing the societal ills of the Wizarding World into pretty glaring view for the audience, but that doesn't actually make their relationship romantic (in the modern sense of the word).

I was pretty conflicted on whether or not NG followed the hallmark of Austenian romance, whereby loving someone fundamentally changes your perception of the world, and I think my answer on this is that it is certainly changing Voldemort's, but not Harry's. Voldemort is busy having the foundations of his world shook every time Harry walks in the room; Harry, meanwhile, doesn't have the freedom to even think his own emotions privately. Under those conditions, love, for Harry, is a freedom he simply can't afford.

The one-sidedness of Voldemort's affections doesn't produce a romance from an audience perspective -- it highlights the disturbing disparities in the Wizarding World's "glorious" new dystopia.

Maybe I'm wrong, because I am due for a re-read, but overall I think that NG intentionally sacrifices a lot of its traditional romantic tropes to further a complex narrative of power, justice, and mercy (on both the individual level and the societal) and I think as a book, it's come out the stronger for it.

I think you are pretty spot on - but I am SO overdue for a reread myself at this point lmao I am not fine tuned on the details at all myself. I want to say Harry’s feelings are a little - a lot? - more nuanced and confusing than that. I’d say he does kind of like Voldemort. Sometimes. For fleeting moments. It’s more that he fundamentally loathes what he stands for, what he’s done, and what he’s doing, and simultaneously finds him physically attractive (now - he went hard with that monster comment), and well that whole soul bond and having an intimate relationship sure makes things messy af huh. God I need to read whatever the fuck I wrote

[rozemynelovebot]

Connection between duchy cape colors and the gods

Something I noticed about some of the most major-character duchies in AOAB is how I think you could argue that their cape colors correlate to the Supreme Gods and the Eternal Five respectively. The duchies that I consider to be the most frequently mentioned/closely involved in the story are Ehrenfest, Dunkelfelger, Alexandria (both on its own and also in holding the position of former Ahrensbach), Klassenberg, Drewanchel, and the Sovereignty. I think that the general outlook of these duchies or their major characters can be pretty easily tied to the god/goddess that their respective cape color correlates to, which I’ll explain further below-

—

The Sovereignty: Black

The divine color of the God of Darkness. Just as the God of Darkness is King of the Gods, the Zent rules the Sovereignty. The AOAB Wiki also has some potential etymology for Rozemyne’s name for the God of Darkness, Schicksantracht, to be translated as “unity/harmony,” which could tie in to how the Sovereignty, or at the very least the royal family that rules it, is meant to unify the duchies and bring harmony to Yurgenschmidt. Anastasius, member of the royal family and currently prince-consort to the Zent, also often likens his wife to the Goddess of Light, meaning that he by default falls into the role of the God of Darkness, and their romance is often compared to that of the Supreme Gods.

Drewanchel: Green

The divine color of Flutrane. Duchy of scholars, could tie into the “change” association with Flutrane as such an intelligent duchy continually seeks out new and changing research and ideas. Individual character mention in Adolphine, who boldly seeks to and accomplishes in changing her own marriage circumstances for the better.

Dunkelfelger: Blue

The divine color of Leidenschaft. Deeply in line with Dunkelfelger values and general temperament, a duchy of hot headed and battle-obsessed nobles who even receive more divine protections from Leidenschaft and his subordinates than any other. Pretty much any major Dunkelfelger character mentioned could be tied in here aside from Hannelore.

Ehrenfest: Ochre (Dark Yellow/Gold)

There are two angles to view the associations in Ehrenfest, tying it to the Goddess of Light’s divine color of Gold, and tying it to Schutzaria’s divine color of Yellow.

One of the main associations with the Goddess of Light is motherhood, and Ehrenfest has strong ties to both positive and negative examples of motherhood. The overarching plot of Veronica, Georgine, Sylvester, and Ferdinand is focused around the core conflict of an abusive mother and her victims. Veronica haunts the entire narrative of AOAB despite never really being physically present in any non-flashback scenes, and her misuse of her position of “mother” is what shaped many of the main characters and various plots throughout the series. Additionally, as AOAB is a very story very heavily focused on familial themes, Rozemyne also has close relationships with multiple mother-figures as she grows up both as a commoner and as a noble. Effa’s unconditional love for Myne is a large part of what shapes her into who she is, and Elvira’s love and motherly support once Rozemyne is baptized into noble society is essential to her, both socially and emotionally. The main printing industry in Ehrenfest is largely advanced thanks to Elvira’s “motherly love” for Rozemyne as well, meaning that even Ehrenfest’s economic, technological, and social advancements are founded on a mother’s affections for her daughter.

In terms of associations with Schutzaria in line with Ocher being considered a Dark Yellow, I looked for associations between Ehrenfest and Schutzaria’s association with protection. Ehrenfest’s archducal family is seemingly much closer than other duchies’ archducal families. Spearheaded by Rozemyne, who is forever hellbent on protecting what she holds dear, Ehrenfest can be considered a duchy that values protecting its own perhaps on a higher level than other duchies. For example, when Ferdinand is engaged into Ahrensbach, despite his own relatively weak political position, Sylvester tries his best to stand up to the Zent to protect him and is devastated when he is ultimately unable to. While other duchies seem to think that nobles, especially female nobles, marrying out of one’s home duchy for political power is a given, Ehrenfest tries to protect Rozemyne by keeping her in their own duchy through her initial engagement to Wilfred. They do originally intend to marry Charlotte into another duchy, but in what seems to be an unusual fashion asked of him by Rozemyne, Sylvester still tries to protect Charlotte by trying to give her as much freedom of choice in her partner as possible. Rozemyne protects Wilfried from the consequences of his trip to the Ivory Tower, and Charlotte from her kidnappers. Sylvester protects Myne when Bidewald attacks her. The first spells Rozemyne casts or is taught are all protective in nature as well. Overall, Ehrenfest’s nobles seem especially inclined to protect those close to or associated with them, just as Schutzaria is a goddess known for her shield and strong protective power.

Klassenberg: Red

The divine color of Geduldh. Color associated with warmth, compassion, and femininity. In P5V1, Rozemyne remarks that perhaps all Klassenberg women are kind and gentle like Eglantine, Hortensia, and Primevere, implying that at least the women of the duchy are in line with the divine association.

—

The only one missing from the Supreme Gods or the Eternal Five is Ewigeliebe, with his divine color of White. The closest I could think of for a duchy with story relevance and a white cape was perhaps Jossbrenner with their cream capes, as there is no duchy represented by the color pure white, but as Jossbrenner was only brought up a few fleeting times (and regardless is not what I would describe as one of the “major character” duchies to begin with), I couldn’t think of any particular ties to Ewigeliebe.

Perhaps it could be theorized that, like how the shrines in the Royal Academy have one singular consolidated shrine for both Geduldh and Ewigeliebe, Klassenberg’s men could relate to Ewigeliebe in the same way that its women relate to Geduldh. I don’t have any concrete evidence for this though, so it’s just a silly idea to make up for Ewigeliebe not having a corresponding duchy of his own…

—

Aside from the Supreme Gods and the Eternal Five, Alexandria could be tied to Mestionora (obviously), arguably the most important of the subordinate gods or goddesses in AOAB, so I’m including it as well-

Alexandria: Dark Blue

Ties to Mestionora’s hair color, though her divine color could possibly yellow instead due to her position as a Wind subordinate. Specific character reference is obviously Rozemyne, Aub and divine avatar of Mestionora, who constantly and gluttonously desires new written knowledge, as well as secondarily Ferdinand who continually seeks out greater knowledge through his research.

[captainlordauditor]

Anyway.

This is the dickbabs break up scene, from Nightwing #87, in its entirely.

Sections of particular note:

Dick: She [Tarantula] doesn't even know what secret identities are for. Babs: Do you? Dick: Excuse me? Babs: Well, you have been a little on the reckless side lately, don't you think? Dick: Did you just ask me if I know what secret identities are for? Babs: showboating at the PD, letting Dick Grayson and you-know-who run around with the same injured shoulder.... Dick: Did you just ask me if I know what secret identities are for? Babs: ....body-tackling armed maniacs in public restaurants...

And

Babs: I'm tired of this, Dick. I'm tired of fighting with you to let me take care of myself, I'm tired of your relentless energy, and I'm tired of always playing "Remember when". Babs: Oh, and I'm really tired of the way you always look surprised when your ex-and/or-potential-psycho-love-interests-in-costume plant a wet one on you. Dick: Barbara, please. What did I do? I haven't seen you this angry since back when your dad got shot and I came to give you the- Babs: Don't you dare? Not one word about the past! Are you even listening to me?

It sounds to me like while Catalina kissing Dick earlier in the issue (yes, without consent, we'll get to that) was the final straw, Babs has been thinking about this for longer- I'd say at least since last issue when she had to call Alfred to force him to stay still while recovering from getting shot. That was also the issue where Babs finds he goes stir crazy if he doesn't have ways to help, and tries to invent ways to help:

And here in #85, Babs' issue with Dick dwelling on the past comes up as well, as does his recklessness:

We can plant the roots of their communication issues much further, actually - here they are in #77, a full ten issues before the break up, having what's clearly part of (actually given the timing I think it's the start of) a long running argument about secret identities:

Now, this one I'll give leeway - Dick is late, he knows he's not going to win the argument, so he ignores her. But it IS worth noting that Babs doesn't feel she's being listened to on a pretty major subject that affects both their lives.

Also going to note this little exchange in #85:

Babs: Yeah, yeah, you love me. Heard it before, hunk wonder. Can I go back to sleep now? Dick: Actually, I was gonna say I crave your touch with every fiber of my being. Babs: [skeptical expression on her face]: You were gonna say that? Dick: I was. Babs: Even remembering that I can't walk and everything, right? I mean, you're not just daydreaming about the good ol' Batgirl days? Dick: Oh, but you were so hot with that big yellow bat on your chest....

This is, in my humble opinion, a really notable exchange. Babs is expressing a very private personal insecurity - she is skeptical at the idea that her partner can desire her sexually with her disability. This is a very realistic way for Babs to feel. The problem is that instead of reassuring her, Dick responds by making a joke, reminiscing about the past (in her mind, confirming the idea that he's in love with someone she can't be anymore), and signing off. Babs is generally pretty emotionally guarded, so it makes sense that Dick might be caught off guard and unsure how to respond when she does open up (especially considering who he was raised by...) but that doesn't mean she can't be upset by exchanges like this, especially given that Dick frequently brings up a past that is now painful for her to think about.

TL;DR: Tarantula kissing Dick might have been the straw that broke the camel's back, but I really don't think it was the only reason - probably not even the main reason - Babs broke up with him. Their relationship is messy and riddled with communication issues, and that's what makes it so interesting! But Babs has a right to decide she doesn't want to keep fighting for something that's not what she wants anymore.

[make-me-imagine]

Evan Buckley A-Z Relationship Headcanons

Pairing: Evan Buckley x Gn!Reader

Words: 3.2k

A/n: This is my first time doing these types of headcanons, so I hope it goes well. Get's a bit less detailed towards the end, mostly because I jut wanted to get them out already lol.

A: affection (is he affectionate? how?):

Buck is very affectionate! Emotionally, verbally and physically.

He doesn't shy away from showing his affection either. If you don't mind PDA he is all for it. If you are a bit shy about it, he will just hold your hand, or have his arm draped around your waist.

He is a cuddler, and enjoys you being close to him physically. And he loves to hold you tight, and press kisses to your head, shoulder, cheeks and hands whenever he can (and your lips obviously).

He is emotionally and verbally affectionate and will often remind you how much he loves you. He compliments you like crazy and will tell you anytime you do something he thinks is cute.

B: Boyfriend (what is he like a a boyfriend; boyfriend things):

Buck can be a little dense at times, but he tries very hard to be a loving and caring boyfriend. He can be very selfless though so you gotta make sure he is looking out for himself too. He is a romantic at heart so expect random gifts, fancy dates, flowers, snacks, etc.

He is protective, and the last thing he wants is for you to get hurt. But this might drive you up the wall sometimes if he gets a bit too protective lol.

Constantly hearing new and bizarre facts he learned on the job, or when he fell down a research rabbit hole and two in the morning

Also, if you are someone who gets your period, he would take care of you. Bring you anything your craving buy you heating/cooling pads, medicine, etc. Anything to make you feel better if you are in pain.

C: Confession (did he confess first? how did he confess?):

He was fairly straight forward with his confession. You already knew he was interested since he basically made it obvious from the beginning. And he asked you out on a few dates. But when he wanted to tell you how he really felt about you (meaning his attraction was full-blown romantic feelings), he brought you flowers and gave you a charming smile.

He gave you a cute speech about how you made his heart hammer in his chest every time he saw you, and that he never really got butterflies from someone until he met you. Buck would make it clear that he wanted a serious relationship with you, and that you had become a part of him, and that you had his heart (so please don't break it).

D: Dates (what kind of dates do you go on?):

Buck loves a fun date. Sure he goes with the romantic candle-lit dinners every now and again, but he really loves fun and cute dates.

Picnics on the beach or in the park. Amusement park dates, arcade dates, movies, bowling, mini golf. Any and every activity you could do together, he is ready and willing.

If you plan a date he is all for it as well, he can find and make fun out of anything. Hell, he even enjoys date nights at home just watching movies and eating take-out. Any time spent with you with great to him.

E: Excitement (what does he do to bring excitement into your relationship)

Similar to the fun dates previously mentioned, he might suggest adventurous things. Bungee jumping, helicopter rides, boat rides, etc.. Anything that might bring adrenaline without being too dangerous. He makes sure to keep you on your toes and will be impulsive, bringing you along for the ride.

Maybe recommending a weekend trip, camping, road-trips, etc. If he gets an idea, its hard for him not to run with it.

Buck is an over-planner, so you know he does his research as well, so you always feel safe (if not still scared).

F: Food (does he cook for you? do you cook for him?)

Over the last few years, Buck has gotten pretty good at cooking, so he enjoys cooking for you. If you love to cook as well, he enjoys the two of you cooking together in the kitchen, or watching as you make something for the two of you. If you cook, he cleans, if he cooks, you have to get to the dishes before he does because he will do them even if you say you will.

He learns (often with Bobby's help) how to make your favorite foods. So when you are having a hard time he can surprise you with them.

Buck really is a prime example of giving and receiving love through food.

G: Gifts (does he get you gifts? what kind? does he like gifts?)

You probably have a hundred little trinkets around your house because of Buck. Oh, he saw a little ferris wheel key chain that reminds him of your third date? He's buying it for you. See's couple aprons? Definitely buying those. Matching mugs? Yep.

Anything that reminds him of you will most likely be bought, or at least greatly debated. You can thank Eddie and Hen for the fact that you do not have a thousand other things that reminded Buck of you.

Anytime you give Buck gifts he cherishes them. If it's is something simple and cute, he gives you that dopey grin and hugs you. If it is something sentimental or special, he might get emotional, or will take pictures of it to show the others.

H: Hugs (is he a hugger? does he like hugs?)

Pretty obvious by now, but yes he is a hugger! Back hugs, side hugs, hugs where he lifts you off the ground. All the hugs!

He loves when you hug him too. If you come up and wrap your arms around him, he immediately stars grinning. Coo's at you, might lovingly tease you, and will press a kiss to your head. If you hug from from behind, he will grab your hands and press kisses to them.

I: "I Love You" (how did he first say 'I love you', does he say it often?)

Buck knew he was falling in love with you the second it started happening. When his friends were talking about marriage, and he could easily and happily picture marrying you. He knew.

It was a few weeks later when it slipped out. After a rough day at work, you were cuddling together after eating. You were running your fingers through his hair while he was talking about how he was feeling. He could feel your love for him in that moment and gently caressed your face.

"I love you, you know." "I do know. And I love you too."

He is not shy in saying he loves you after this. Every time you say goodbye, he needs to make sure you hear him say it. He does not believe you can say it too much to someone, and he always wants to make sure you know.

J: Jealous (does he get jealous? how does he show it?)

Buck isn't one to get jealous often. He trusts you 1000%. When others get close to you, showing interest or flirting, he gets more protective than he does jealous. He knows you would never give them the time of day, but that doesn't mean he can trust them to back off.

Before you were dating however, he would get that little pang of jealousy in his chest if others showed interest in you. And if you seemed to be interested at all, he would feel it more as well as a bit worried that he might lose his chance.

K: Kissing (does he like kissing? how does he kiss?)

Like previously mentioned, Buck is a fan of physical affection and this does include kissing. Though he is fine with PDA, kissing isn't part of that, apart from a kiss on the cheek or forehead.

Kisses on the lips are for just the two of you. He can get lost in kissing you as well, and he loves lying on the couch or bed, with you in his arms as you slowly kiss each other. He also is the type too pull you flush against him as he is kissing you. Or he places his hands on either side of your face as he kisses you.

He often gives you kisses as he passes by you. Either a quick kiss on the cheek, temple of a peck on the lips.

When you kiss him he melts, and often smiles into the kiss, especially if he was not expecting it.

L: Love Languages (what are his giving and receiving love languages?)

Buck's main giving love languages is Acts of Service, while he also often uses physical affection and gifts to remind you how much he loves you.

His receiving love languages are words of affirmation and quality time. He loves being reminded and told that he is loved as it reassures him. And he loves just being around you, it doesn't matter what you are doing, just as you are together.

M: Marriage (does he want to get married? what would married life be like with him?)

Buck totally wants to get married, and thinks about it often. He knows he wants to spend the rest of his life with you.

Being married to him wouldn't be much different than when you were dating. The only thing that really changes, is how he enthusiastically introduces you as his spouse, rather than his partner. He loves the sound of it, and it reminds him that you are together forever.

On the other side of it, if he is dating someone who does not want to get married, he is okay with it. He might be a little disappointed, but he'd never force his partner to do something they don't like. But this would not stop him from buying you some sort of promise ring, or token to remind you that he wants to be with you forever, married or not.

N: Nicknames (does he use nicknames or pet-names with you? what do you call him?)

On a daily basis he will call you by whatever nick-name you go by, or just your name. But he has a variety of pet-names for you. Babe, baby, sweetheart. If you are shorter than him he calls you 'Little One' or 'short-cake'.

You usually call him Buck, or Evan if you need to get his attention. Otherwise you call him Babe, Handsome, or Gorgeous.

O: Oath (what kind of things does he promise you?)

One of the biggest promises in your relationship is that no matter what. You both try your hardest to come home to each other every day. Alive, and safe.

He also always promises to make you happy, and to never hurt you. Something you promise him as well.

You promise each other to never hold things in, and to always tell each other everything. Communication is very important in your relationship.

P: Proposal (how would he propose?)

Buck is a romantic, so he will be planning something for a few weeks before he actually proposes. He gets advice from everyone, asking if his ideas are good, if he should do more, less, etc. He panics, but only because he wants it to be perfect.

Finally, he decides to do it on a weekend, when you are both off of work. You go stay in a cute house a few hours away near the coast. On the second day, while you were in the shower, he set up a picnic for the two of you.

When you were ready he asked you to go on a walk with him. You noticed he is a bit antsy, but you try not to think much of it. Though you had an idea he was planning something, you didn't think it was a proposal.

The walk was to the area he set up the picnic. You figured this was the surprise, and that was why he was a bit antsy. Hoping you liked it. Which you very much did.

After you ate, and the sun began to set, that was when he proposed. As you were looking out at the sunset, you turned back to look at him and he was on one knee.

He had a speech, because of course he would. It was emotional and romantic and made you cry. It was perfect.

Q: Quarrels (do you fight? what are fights like with him)

You rarely fight with Buck as he is the type to talk everything out, something you both decided was important.

So the only times you really argued, was when he did something reckless, usually endangering his life. You get angry out of love, but he might get defensive leading to an argument.

You make up fairly quickly though as you both realize the other's view. Buck is Buck and will do anything to save others. But you are afraid of losing him. He apologizes, and promises he will try his best not to put himself into more danger than he already gets into (you know this is kind of a lie, but you forgive him anyways).

R: Remember (does he remember important things?)

Not only does he remember important things like birthdays and anniversaries, but he remembers very small things. Details about you, and your relationship.

What flavors of ice cream, desserts, candy, you do and do not like. What specific orders you like with coffee or drinks. The ingredients in meals you avoid, or push to the side to save for last.

He remembers the places you've said you'd like to go to, the dates you've said sound cute.

He even has a notebook of stuff he's written down because he doesn't want to forget.

On the opposite side of this, he is horrible at remembering things like appointments or where you said you were going after work. So when you don't come home he gets worried and messages you, only for you to have to remind him that you were visiting your parents or friends. Something you told him about four times.

S: Sentimental (is he sentimental? how?)

Buck is pretty sentimental. He loves taking photos anytime you do something, dates, trips, going on walks. He has folders on his phone with 1000's of photos of the two of you and all the things you've done together.

He occasionally keeps things like ticket stubs, or stuff like that, but only if it was something meaningful or really fun. If you are the type to keep those kinds of things too, he thinks it is cute, and will make sure to keep them for you, so you can put them with the others.

T: Together (how does he act with you in public vs in private)

There is not a real difference with how he acts with you in public versus private. He does not hide how he feels about you. The only thing that is different, is how he keeps the PDA on the more casual side like previously mentioned.

He is not afraid of telling people about you, or how much he loves and admires you. He is proud of you and loves telling people you are together and about your relationship.

U: Uplifting (how does he cheer you up? what is the best way to cheer him up?)

When you are upset, Buck tries his best to cheer you up. He will buy you snacks, flowers, make you food, anything to show you that he is there for you. He will set up the couch to be all cozy, turn on your favorite shows or movies and just cuddle with you.

If you need to talk or rant about your feelings he will listen intently and make you feel seen.

If you need a break from the world, he might take you on a small trip, or do his best to distract you from the world.

He knows how much you try your best to make him happy so he will do his best to do the same for you. Any day you are sad or do not smile, is his least favorite day.

V: Vacation (when or where would you go on vacation together?)

Went over this a little bit before. But with more specific trips, if you only have the weekend off, you might take a road trip up the coast, or go visit Yosemite.

If you had a week or longer then you would take a trip out of the country. Most likely to a cute European town, or some place on the ocean.

You look for places with a lot of activities and places to visit like restaurants and museums, because you want to get as much out o the trip as you can. Though, if your vacation comes after a long stressful time, a place near the ocean where you relax and do very little is just what you need.

W: Wedding (what kind of wedding would you have?)

If you and Buck get married, he will be happy with whatever you want. If you want a small simple wedding, he is all for it. Close friends and family only.

If you want big and extravagant, he is all for it and will help you come up with fun ideas to make it the best it can be.

Most likely though, you will have something in the middle. Not too big, not to small. With a few things both of you wanted. Your decorations and theme, food trucks and maybe a karaoke machine for Buck. And you know there will for sure be a dance sequence with Eddie buck and Chimney (with a special appearance by Chris and Bobby). It is embarrassing, but also very funny, and you often look back on the video when you need to cheer up.

X: Xtra (a random head canon I have)

Your first date with Buck was home-made dinner at his place.

He burned it a little, since he was so nervous, but you thought it was good anyways. You cleaned the dishes together and ended up having a small water fight in the kitchen. Which then lead to your first kiss.

Y: Yearning (does he yearn for you when you are apart? how does he deal with it?)

Buck doesn't like being apart from you for too long, because he misses you easily. He is so used to you being in his life daily that when you aren't around he feels like a part of him is missing.

So to remedy this, he texts you a lot and face times with you whenever he can. He also has a tendency to talk about you a lot more often when you aren't around. Which often leads to Eddie or Chimney texting you begging you to cm back sooner before they kill him.

Z: zZzZz (sleeping habits)

Buck falls sleep fairly easily, and is also kind of hard to wake up. He can be a bed and blanket hog sometimes, but once he gets used to sharing a bed with you, it lessens.

He is a snuggler as well, and likes to be the big spoon holding you close to him. He is quite big and very warm so sometimes you have to rip your blankets off so you don't overheat.

He likes the occasional nap, and will sometimes kidnap you from whatever you are doing and carry you to the bed with him so you can nap with him. He will hold you tight, so good luck trying to sneak away if that was your plan. You're stuck now.

xx

First time doing this like I said, so I hope you liked it!

General Taglist: @criminaly-supernatural, @imaginesfire, @onuen, @rexit-mo, @witchygagirl, @alexxavicry

911 + Buck Taglist: @spuffyfan394, @webreathfandoms, @locke-writes, @persephonesportal, @pockyandme, @soultrysworld, @averyhotchner, @iinmysights, @that-marvel-simp, @gatefleet, @merlin-dahlia, @silverose365, @bellarkeselection, @shiftingwh0r3, @rqmanoff, @fanboysfangirl, @readingbookelf, @luvwanda, @oliviah-25,

[seltelm]

Wind breaker S2 rant because fuck I'm tired of ppl sometimes

Contains spoilers for the Manga, I try to keep it vague

Can we just talk about how stupid the arguments about Tsubaki are? Like jeez, if a guy likes feminine stuff then a guy likes feminine stuff, there's no big deal with it especially in this century or fuck, even in Japan! Like it's pretty normalized there to cross dress:/

And what if he likes Umemiya? Who gives a shit? Forced gayness in Anime? Dude, Anime's been queer for forever. Sailor Moon for example has been around since the 90s

And on the cross dressing note, that's a common trope in Anime and literally ouran high school host club which was released in 2006 (manga 2003) has a cross dresser in it. There's probably other examples too from older Anime, but I'm just naming more mainstream stuff. Also, in Naruto, Naruto literally has a jutsu to turn into a girl, like, cross dressing but on a whole other level.

Also I saw someone comment once on another platform about how Tsubaki "clearly made Sakura uncomfortable for"... idfk pushing his sexuality on him?? He literally just asked if he wanted to go on a date? And like... I... I'm so baffled because they just don't understand Sakura's character at all. He wasn't blushing because he was comfortable, he blushed because he's sensitive to affection, like literal moments prior he was blushing over Tsubaki affection for Umemiya.

And okay, I can't blame them for ignorance since episode 6 isn't out yet, but we literally find out that Sakura, first off agreed and second off was a little disappointed even that it wasn't just the two of them:_: this doesn't mean that I think Sakura's gay. Doesn't mean I think he's straight either. I just don't wanna speculate on it since, and I'll say it louder for the people in the back, THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION. And people will do what they please with its characters. And you can't stop it. That's that.

Btw, I had to take a double take when I saw a person with a sailor moon pfp talk about how anime, in this case Wind breaker, has forced queernes... Like... What?? Also, it's not forced if the author literary puts it in... It's the author's choice, hence, they decided to add it, because it's their story... It's only forced if it's put in by someone other than the author themself, because, again, it's THEIR story. No, fan content and head canons don't count because ultimately they don't affect the canon story

Anyways. Also the 'fans' of the show that hate on Sakura for being emotionally weak baffle me. Like, can't they understand that he's a kid. Like 16. (his age confuses me sometimes tbh, but I'm guessing he's actually 16 since his b-day is on April first around when school usually starts in Japan[source shitty google search, don't quote me] and he was 15 when he came to the town a day or two before school started).

And he's been abused his entire life! Neglected, shunned, hated for everything he can't control! He doesn't trust people but he wants to. His character is so well written that it hurts to see people disregard it.

And like, what's so fun about a story without debth? Okay fine. I won't lie, mindless action can be a great way to unwind. But that's not what Wind breaker is about. Sure, there's a lot of action and I personally love that part of the story! But at its core, it's a story about finding a community and accepting yourself and healing and ahhh so much more than just the action. That's what made me so obsessed with the series. Not the action that I'd probably forget about in a few weeks, but the story, the characters, the world. How deep and real they feel. And yes, sometimes the story is a little unrealistic, like with how Keisei is run by a whole bunch of like 18 year olds, but the rest of the well thought out story makes up for it.

Anyways.

So, yeah. It's funny to see people crash out at Tsubaki. It just proves to me that they can't handle the zest fest named Yamato Endo and his other half of the wonderful toxic yaoi cake of Chika Takiishi✌️ seriously, Endo, you're so zesty for Takiishi all the time for a playboy who, mind you, pulls girls🤨

Much love to the real fans of the show🫶 I hope I wasn't too harsh with my rant too lol

[invinciblerodent]

As I'm making my way though the Chant, one thing I'm not sure I quite understand at this point is the Urn of Sacred Ashes.

Like it's more or less confirmed in Veilguard that the Maker either doesn't exist, or at least he's not what that the Chantry suggests he is. Since he almost definitely isn't a deity (because it's starting to look more and more like Thedas is a setting absent of gods), Andraste was also not chosen by a deity, and therefore was not holy.

But her ashes really did seem to heal Arl Eamon from his poisoning, and if this part of the Chant is to be believed, they also healed Disciple Havard from two stab wounds through the chest, well enough that he could then trek from Minrathous down all the way to Ferelden.

Even ignoring the apparitions, the flourishes, Andraste appearing to Havard from beyond death, and all the other garnish that's in the Chant, the core fact remains that there exist ashes (a powder, some substance) that is a genuine panacea, that is somehow capable of healing, even after close to a thousand years buried in a crypt inside a remote mountain.

From a Doylist perspective, it'd make sense to just chalk this up for an inconsistency, or someone changing their mind: that quest was written fifteen years before Veilguard, and the writers having decided on the ✨magic ashes✨ quest before hammering out the intricacies of the world's theology twenty years into the future seems perfectly reasonable.

But I think a Watsonian explanation is almost always more fun than a Doylist one, so I have a couple ideas.

Explanation 1: Spirit Magic Shit.

No gods, no masters, just very powerful magic.

To me, it seems to be a reasonable enough interpretation of the text that the ✨spectral Andraste clothed in starlight and armored in moonlight✨ that appeared to Havard after Andraste's death (Apotheosis 2:16-2:18) was simply a spirit that was drawn to the area by the very intense emotions of the people, and death thinning the Veil. (Central square of Minrathous, probably the gallows were there at the time, and the place has probably seen its fair share of executions even before Andraste.)

It also feels very much in line with canon events that a spirit would/could assume the form and some of the personality of a recently dead person, like the spirit who appeared to the Inquisitor adopted Justinia's form, voice, and to some degree her memories (although that did happen in the Fade). Andraste was also a figure very much emotionally tied to Havard, so him seeing her in even just a vague spirit that couldn't fully manifest outside of the Fade and was holding only remnants of her, isn't far out of the ordinary.

If that is the case, I'm pretty reasonably sure it would be a spirit of Faith (the text of the Chant goes out of its way to mention the "army of the faithful" multiple times) that sort of absorbed Andraste's blind faith in her death, and more or less "became" her. There has been an example of a Faith-spirit "healing" mortal wounds before, in Wynne's reanimation- "spirit healing" used to be the actual name of the discipline while it was still mechanically in the game (which was at the same time the Chant was written in real life), so it having that sort of narrative consistency as well as that ability also checks out.

That though does lead me to wonder what kind of magic can sustain itself for quite literally a millennium, locked away in stasis, outside of the Fade and without its creator affecting it physically.

While there are examples of powerful old magic in the setting (mostly elven), much of it does seem to weaken and falter over time- could the power of Andraste's ashes be sustained by people's faith in her and the Maker? Is the Faith-spirit that may or may not be Andraste, and is responsible for that healing power, still being sustained as a powerful entity by "her" followers' emotions? Does that make the Urn of Sacred Ashes essentially a kind of application of the placebo effect, it works because people believe that it works, only in a slightly more tangible way? Does the Warden "corrupting" the urn with blood do anything on the physically magical level, or does it simply alter the state of it significantly enough that others' faith no longer affects it, either because it's believed not to work anymore (so it's a self-fulfilling prophecy), or because it's no longer the same object? Does any of this make any sense at all to anyone else????

(Asterisk on this one, there's some interesting "storm" and storm-like imagery in the Chant around these parts that makes me wonder about whether the "Devouring Storm" has anything to do with this all, but we don't know anything certain about that.)(Yet? I hope it's a "yet". Trying to remain cautiously optimistic about it being a "yet".)

.... but, I think there is also another, more straightforward interpretation, that is a bit less dialed into the mythology of the setting, but I just like it better:

Explanation 2: It's All Just Coincidence.

The ashes are mere legend.

Havard was always going to survive being stabbed through with spears. The fact is, he did somehow drag himself to the center of Minrathous from somewhere around the Valarian Fields- which is nearby, but still quite an unlikely walk for a man with mortally severe abdominal injuries. In his case, it's possible that either his injuries weren't actually that bad, or homeboy was always resilient enough to pull through all on his own, and him putting ashes into his wounds probably just acted as an antibacterial rub.

He also got there after the pyre had already burnt down, so he had no way to tell which ashes were Andraste's, and which were just wood-ash and charcoal from the pyre itself, so he presumably just swept like five pounds or so of debris into a jug and went on his merry way. Maybe it was milled or sifted to be finer, more "ashlike" later, but what he took from the site probably had bits of wood, as well as bits of Andraste's actual remains in it. (An open-air fire iirc doesn't burn hot enough to completely turn bone to dust, so he could very well have struggled to distinguish between charred wood and charred bone chips.)

And the funniest thing about this is that... in this case Eamon, since he was poisoned, could be assumed to have been healed by the "ashes" because whatever it was that the Warden gave him just so happened to basically act as a piece of activated charcoal.

Which is a non-magical, non-fantastical, very pedestrian solution, but it's almost elegant in its simplicity, and I kind of love it.

It makes for a fun theme, too.

The storm broke out right at the time of Andraste's burning? Yeah, we knew it was coming days ago and nobody actually bat an eye, but it made for a great couple verses in the Chant.

Rubbing Andraste's ashes on them healed Havard's wounds? Well, wood ash could have helped the healing process somewhat, and that was perhaps exaggerated into a magical and instantaneous recovery by the story being passed down over a thousand years.

The ashes have incredible healing properties? Maybe, if it's the right thing that ails ya. It's not a panacea, but if you're specifically poisoned, sure, it might help.

And I know this is such a small thing, but it really does crack me up.

(It might raise the question of why the healers at Redcliffe jumped straight to the Ashes and didn't just give him charcoal the moment they learned that it was poison causing the illness, treating poison with charcoal has been a thing since antiquity irl, but then I feel like I should revert back to a Doylist POV, which would make the answer simply "because then there's no quest", so I'm cutting them some slack there lol.)