#but also i dont want to leave her cause shes the only medical professional who actually trusts my judgement and listen to me and doesnt

[ihatebiden]

my therapist realised how traumatized i am and now she doesnt want to see me anymore 😀😀😀😀

[kdramachitchat]

An uprising that created a dystopian Seoul gave birth to a monstrous judge and a live court trial setting.

The Devil Judge episode 1; A Monster Emerges

Episode 1 of The Devil Judge begins in a dystopian Seoul with chaos everywhere in the streets. There’s a unknown plague covering the entire country that made companies fallen and people homeless. The chaos which made the poor lead an arson and acts of terrorism. This created the Gwanghwamun riot and the Social Responsibility Foundation has send out a press conference.

The virus that created the monster

President Heo says a powerful speech. The economic troubles are part of the past. The plague will be forgotten as it’s been resolved by the government. While President Heo speaks this event, the important guests are being introduced: Seo Jeong Hak who is the Chairman of Social Responsibility Foundation, Cha Kyung Hee (Minister Of Justice), Min Yong Shik (Minbo Group Chairman) and Park Duman (Saram Media Chairman). The president also promises to create more jobs and to bring back Korea to the grand country as it was before. We also see on the screen how donations kept on rolling and another character was introduced. Jung Sun Ah (Executive Director of CSR Foundation) commented how the President overreacts whenever a camera is on his face. They know that he’s a clown and the attitude never goes away.

The president adds, they must rectify their law and order. He has passed a bill for a powerful judicial reform which allows the public to participate as jurors. Im not sure if that is such a good idea. Here comes Kang Yohan who is being introduced by the President as a ruthless judge. Judge Kang will preside over the trials and hands out sentences in a live television setting. Here comes the judge who exudes with much charisma and suave. Alot of concerned questions were raised like how the live broadcast is a anti-humanitarian act and it’s only for show. Another comment was mentioned that Judge Kang punishes too severely and are inconsiderate of the weak. Judge Kang interrupts and asks “Who’s weak?”.  The journalist made a sample of the disadvantage but he retaliates that they are still the defendants. He mentions that he doesnt care if there’s a powerful person or not. Another journalist asked if he can hand down a hefty sentence on a defendant for the live show. A sample was made with Chairman Joo Il Do, who is known for being well connected. He then makes a statement saying “I am power!” and how he exercises the judicial power that was delegate to him and who is above him (the public). He then ends his speech which made many people impressed especially the President and the Minister of Justice. After the speech, Sun Ah congratulates him for the sexy power he has and the rest of the influential people stares at him.

Kim Gaon

We see another character who Kim Gaon using a public transportation watching the speech of Kang Yohan about to go to The Supreme Court. He then enters the office of Chief Justice Min Jungho who is apparently his former Professor. Gaon and Jungho discusses the live program which made Gaon question Yohan and his intentions. Jungho describes Yohan as no ordinary judge. He is a revolutionist who will eradicate court corruption. He is the nation’s only hope.This made Gaon realize that Yohan is extremely popular. As the riots dies down Jungho compares Yohan as a monster that emerges from turbulent times due to the absurb bills he keeps on passing. Yohan doesnt thinks more of a politician, politician for the people. Gaon realizes how Chief Jungho has a dislike with Yohan and asks why he wants him to be part of the live show. Jungho wants Gaon to observe Yohan and compares himself to Judas.

Gaon and Yohan finally meets at Yohan’s office. When Gaon left, Yohan opened his personal information file with a picture of his parents an a article title “We Just Wanted To Do A Good Deed”, “Conned Restaurant Owner Couple Kills Themselves”. He makes a comment on how he looks just like the father. I wonder if Yohan has met the parents before and if he has anything to do with them being dead.

Gaon enters to his office and we’re introduced with Oh Jinjoo (Associate Judge). They both introduced themselves and Jinjoo made a comment about Gaon’s smile. She mentions how he looks good when he smiles and realizes that there’s a criteria on picking judges base on their visuals. Being charming enough creates power.

Bus incident 

As Gaon leaves, we see a group of young students crossing with their teacher. There’s also a incoming bus that is speeding and out of control and is about to enter the Supreme Court entrance. This prompts Gaon to be alert as he sees a young girl about to get hit and covers to protect her. While he does, Yohan was seen shooting the bus driver which made the bus topple. The bus is about to explode with the driver still in it. Gaon continues to be a good citizen and saves the driver on time. There’s a news coverage with the important members of the live show watching. The coverage mentions a arrest warrant for the chairman of JU Chemical Joo Il Do (who was at the presscon) was suspended and the kindergarten driver is connected as a act of protest. The Ministry of Justice says to the President that its a challenge to the authority but SongA responses and says its a outcry. CEO Joo created an incident leak of toxic waste water. Another comment was raised that the many of the public are still out of work and the government can’t collect taxes. If they dont solve this, another revolt would break out. They move on to the live show and asked the Saram Media Chairman how the process is doing. The president mentions that Yohan wanted to do this case personally and makes sure that it goes well.

Gaon sees Yohan leaving and thanks him for saving his life but comments on how Yohan didnt hesitate to shoot. He asked Yohan if he was going to kill the bus driver and Yohan answers back to Gaon with a response like “If i had to?!”. Gaon unsure with his intentions, Yohan counteracts and says if he didnt do anything the bus wouldve continued to spiraled straight. Gaon says that Yohan doesnt care if the bus driver dies or not and makes a calculation stating saving 2 is better than 1.

1st case preparation

There’s a meeting discussing what case they’ll do for the first live show. Yohan wants to take on the JU Chemical case as his first states that it’s a appropriate case and is confident that he’ll go by the law. Yohan makes it clear that its not the people’s court and just wants to make the trials transparent.

Chairman Joo and his lawyer discusses before the first trial. They talk about how hard it is to get clear evidence related to environmental issues. Since itll be difficult to find evidence they’ll plead not guilty. If things turned not well, the judge will charge them with professional negligence resulting death which will lead to 5 years imprisonment. Chairman Joo asks if he can trust the lawyer and says that he will.

Gaon and Jungho talks privately. Jungho asks why Yohan wants the toxic waste case to be his first. Gaon answers the obvious. Jungho also added that Chairman Joo is the biggest donator of the Social Responsibility Foundation. The reason why Yohan is there is because of the Foundation and the Ministry of Justice being his back support. Jungho thinks he has a ulterior motive, despite being in a awkward situation and yet still took the case. Ji Yoonsik and Yohan discusses the bus incident. Ji tells Yohan that he doesnt want to create a scandal and thinks the incident is carelessness but Yohan mentions that its noise marketing (since the incident is related to Chairman Joo). I assume that Yohan only cares for his status and following the law without caring how it affects others.

Gaon makes a comment that the 3 year old is a daughter of the bus driver is part of one of the many deceased related to the JU Chemical Case. The grandmother committed suicide over the case. Gaon internally looks frustrated after Yohan looks like he doesnt care. He says that Yohan rejected Chairman Joo’s warrant and yet want to incarcerate the bus driver.  Yohan mentions that the bus driver was caught on the scene but Gaon talks back and says that they must take the motive into consideration. Yohan says that despite being a victim, does this give them a right to hurt others? Well you have to agree with Yohan on that one though. Gaon then mentions that the bus driver is injured and Yohan says that they have a medical detention center so the issue is solved which lead Gaon to become quiet. Do you think Gaon is putting his emotions over the law?

A news report about the incident broke out that the child named Yu died from the toxic waste water leakage incident of JU Chemical. The grandmother of the child committed suicide. The result of the incident led 11 dead, the rest of the alive victims are receiving treatment.

Gaon and Jungho ate out. Gaon made a private investigation on Cha Kyunghee. During the time Chairman Joo caused trouble as a startup business, Ms. Cha was the person who helped him as a elite Seoul prosecutor. To return the favor when Cha became a assembly woman Chairman Joo is the head of her campaign club. Jungho made a assumption that theyre both helping each other and since Yohan was forced to be part of it, he still wanted to put Joo on a trial. Cha is watching on the sidelines with no objection. What do you think are the intentions of Cha and Joo? It’s not for the good right? Its all speculations for now. They compared the scenario as someone’s first love. Gaon continues to spy on Yohan to find more evidence and puts in spy devices around his office. Yohan almost caught him as he entered the office. Gaon continues to spy and spots Chairman Joo’s lawyer about to enter a restaurant meeting Kang Yohan. Gaon and Jungho meets up after discussing the scenes which makes them even more suspicious over Yohan. They just need to watch him closely at court.

Gaon’s childhood

As Gaon comes home, we are introduced to Soohyun who is a RIT Lietenant who is a childhood friend of his. Soohyun compares the 2 of them and says how the public loves judges with different backgrounds. We learned that Gaon doesnt want to move out as the place reminds him of his parents. Gaon and Soohyun continues to joke around, Soohyun mentions that she has a crush on him but he had rejected her. Gaon didnt want to lose his only best friend.

While Soohyun was doing her rounds, Soohyun hears a woman screaming for help. A highschool student was being attacked on the streets and saves her. This makes Soohyun becoming a likeable character. Ironically a poster above with the caption “A safe Korea will be realized from now on.”. Not so safe yet isnt it?

Ms Jung and Ministry Of Justice meeting

Ms Jung starts the discussion stating that the sponsors are becoming worried with the upcoming trial. The reason why theyre holding the mock trial is to ease the citizen’s anger over criminals. Suspicious to why they put a businessman on trial and if he receives a serious punishment, itll become a negative precedent for the business people. Cha says a rhetorical question if Yohan has ever made a mistake, but he hasnt. Song still adamant and wants the case to be a lighter trial. Asks why Cha is adamant about this being the first case and also mentions that Ms Song has overstepped by being arrogant. Before Jung leaves she commented on how everything from the office to her expensive car was paid by her foundation. Damn, straight fire. I like her. She also adds statistics information that the Ministry of Justice lacks budget and added that her foundation should create more prisons themselves. OMG

The First Live Trial

Before the trial begins, Yohan begins to be reminded of his past with a shadow that looked like Gaon surrounded with fire.

How to watch the trial?

Install the DIKE app, tap the statue and you’re in! While watching the trial 2 buttons will appear: Red button - To be punished and otherwise they can tap the other button. Votes will be collected and visualized in court. The judge will be able to see the people’s opinions and decide easily.

The court case is about a chemical company who caused sewage leak and didnt do any treatment. The water was used by the residents for their daily lives.

Yohan comes a conclusion and decides that there was intent murder. Five years is the maximum. As mentioned during the beginning of the episode, Yohan became a monstrous judge by passing insane bills. One of the bills is about the number of years accumulated for the sentences, based on the victims. To make it more dramatic since its a live tv show, he lowered down the blinds and lights mentioning all the names of the victims. He also mentions that there were 11 dead and 36 disabilities. The case resulted from 5 to 235 years of imprisonment, which equates to a life sentence. Ministry Of Justice watching from behind the tv looked in shock. While Yohan mentions the names the President continues to watches and compliments how Yohan is a true master.

The trial resulted to professional negligence and 235 years of imprisonment. The ratings also were soaring high and the Ministry of Justice is pissed while the President smirks. Yohan speaks to Chairman Joo and wishes him a long life..

HAH.

The live trial ends and a victim’s relative thanks Judge Yohan. While the victim’s relative was crying and hugging Yohan, Yohan was seen yawning as if he was bored. Gaon saw it and continued to stare at him. Yohan stared back acting like a devil. We see a flashback of Yohan handing out a USB and mentions that there will be a flash of the victim’s pictures will be put out during the show. Yohan then smirks at Gaon. The scene fades with Yohan standing facing off with Gaon. A flashback of his tragic past shows him and a look-a-like Gaon (Yohan’s brother or a former colleague maybe) facing each other surrounded by which looks like a burnt old church. They both continued to stare at each other as the scene concludes. It looks like there’s a past which needs to be disclosed.

--

Comments:

+ Good acting (Ji Sung, Kim Minjung, Jang Youngnam)

+ Live trial setting

+ Buildups of the faceoffs: Yohan vs Gaon / Ms Jung vs Ms Cha

+ Buildups of the 1st case

+ Good suspenseful bgm

+Script looks full and engaging

- Dystopian setting looks poor production wise but is made up by the + cinematography

+/- Needs a 2nd rewatch for the pilot incase you miss something out

7/10 so far for the pilot. I look forward for the rivalries and the upcoming cases.

[gayregis]

warning: im only like 25% into book 2 but i dont mind spoilers. the disabled geralt post is going around and tbh i couldnt be happier but i wanted to confirm something. ive seen people say that someone healed all his injuries and he didnt suffer after and idk if its true but if it is i feel thats super disapointing :( i feel its so cool if he continued to be cool doofus withcer while still having chronic pain and limitations (also sorry for mass reblogging ur blog on my side disabledwitcher)

oh that is false ahaha. geralt experiences incredible chronic pain in his knee during the saga after vilgefortz thrashes him towards the end of time of contempt:

which is quite literally apparent to and diagnosed as chronic pain by regis, who is a medical professional:

and then bothers him even more. the prime examples that come to my mind are during the stampede in the refugee camp in baptism of fire:

and the tussle with cahir in the tower of the swallow:

i don’t know who people are referring to by “someone healed all his injuries and he didn’t suffer at all after” because although the dryads of brokilon healed geralt’s injuries, as regis notes, they caused a minor upheaval in his nerves which caused him the chronic pain.

perhaps they mean fringilla, who mentions that she has healed him with magic in lady of the lake:

i don’t know whether to really believe this claim or not, since fringilla is admittedly boasting here, although her other boasts were accurate (her medallion (chrysoprase in silver) eventually worked to save geralt’s life against vilgefortz at stygga). i guess it would make sense if she cured him because it might give reason to why she boasts to regis and why regis decided to argue with her ... he was a tad jealous perhaps?

i suppose i don’t seem to remember geralt experiencing knee pain during or after he leaves toussaint, but even if she did curse his knee pain, it wouldn’t really matter because the series ends within the same book that she did so during. and i also don’t remember geralt commenting on it as he does with the medallion (whether it’s working or not).

TLDR even if she cured geralt, it wasn’t until the very end before the very final battles he was in, so he experienced the entirety of baptism of fire and tower of the swallow (the books which cover august to october of 1267, i.e., his entire quest for ciri) with chronic pain in his elbow and knee, which is moreso what matters in my opinion because these two books are more focused on geralt than lady of the lake is, and... well, healed or not, it shouldn’t have really mattered to geralt at the end of lady of the lake because... you know... ... no spoiler tags on tumblr unfortunately, but i’ll leave that one up to people to know or to look up for themselves

and ty for reblogging my posts 🥺🥺❤️ im glad you like them 🥺 and i love seeing ppl in my notes lol

[benchgenderstudies]

Busting Dr Cynthia Buliks Injurious Revisionism of Anorexia and Eating Disorders.

By Michael Bench, MEP, WGSGC

1.Can you tell who has eating disorders?

Cynthia says “no”.

Actual Answer: Yes.

Starvation effects are observable and anorexia is cosmetic starvation. Those females with an early eating disorder (EDNOS) or using Anorexic behaviors should be addressed and reported to school staff or counseling for their safety; Crash Dieting is disordered eating even if not a diagnosis and is part of a larger social problem of aversions to patient and honest physical conditioning. Crash diets are the tools of lushes. The very lushes that publish female targeted media promoting cleanses and ‘quick fix tips’.  Medical and health advice, if from a document, should only come from academic journals. 

2.Are mothers to blame:

Cynthia says no.

Actual Answer: Often

Mothers who have seasonal weight control efforts and use crash diets to cheat their way to a 'beach body” are modeling disordered eating. Crash diets are disordered eating. Mothers involved with pageants have also been known to use other methods like infecting their daughters with tapeworms to reach a desired thinness.

3.Are families to blame?

Cynthia says no.

Actual Answer:Yes.Situationally.

Involvement with sport, social or classist activities that prioritize gender roles before sport itself is a complicity to eating disorders and body dysmorphia. A parent who willingly lets an industry or coach alter her child’s course of physical maturity is actively neglecting their child no matter what the presumed benefits.  Families also normalize some seasonal classism, poor nutritional behavior, and poor communication that can be seen in children using anorexic trope behavior and insincere-suicidal attention getting. Mothers who believe their daughters should be paying attention to female targeted fashion media and other retail or pop culture are poorly guarding their children.

4.Is society to Blame? (Far too general. Go home Cynthia.)

Actual Answers: Media is to blame partly in that it protects its advertisers exploitation and revisionism of need/want psychology. Media also forwards health talking points for the unhealthy. The term “weight control” for example is an index case of tolerating a slothful deviant-leisure society who cheat their way to “good looks” simply for summer exhibition. Then they return indoors for winter with their indoor sloth and lazy nutritional rituals.

Coaching & Fashion: Females are not males. Training them as males or believing diet is a form of genetic engineering is magical thinking that can injure the athletes. Instead, minimum ages in sport should be raised so children in gymnastics ,for example, are not used as carnival acts. Lacking a period, a females maturity/fill out has not been “stalled”. She is amenorrheic whether with or without a visible menarche; an event itself that’s been postponed. Females cannot sustain low BMI male thinness to appear his heterosexual-binary-other. In fashion , the binary roles are actually the same , only at smaller emaciated sizes and not androgynous as reported. Fashionistas who take their model's health for granted as an act of 'luxury artification” are long guilty of endangering her health/assault , among other violations like complicit child trafficking  (Set aside whether the female volunteers the risk, the runway’s terms are decided by the foolish and nihilist cosmosexuals having very little competence about human physiology. Respecting ‘who we are” ,eh?) Females normalizing anorexic/disordered eating as a justification of their (model) career or fame are themselves a microphone for social blame. 

5.Are Anorexia and Eating disorders a White race problem/Female problem.

Actual Answer: Yes.

The democratization of Western and American market views of ideal beauty and ideal sexuality has not changed the core source of toxic constructions of binary gender. The manipulation of the female body to conform to eras if disinformation and beauty trends, ie Gibson girl and the Heroin Chic waif, show that 'disordered eating' and its long term effects are practiced as luxury fads. Actual mental disorders escalated to Anorexia Nervosa or Bulimia Nervosa stem from European and South Asian religio-social pacts of personal virtue(Breatherism/Inedia). Ever since the first London and American reports of Inedia or fad fasting the practicioners lied about how little they ate. Anorexia, breatherism and inedia have always been appropriate religious rituals used by desperate zealots for attention.. The vulnerability to this sort of radicalization around fasting links to psychological vulnerability and distortions of their self  (a specific form narcissistic personality disorder)

6. Consider the remainder of her list debunked.>>(will add the rest later)

>>Anorexia is NOT A CASH COW.

If researchers want to do genomics research, have at.   Anorexia itself has provably been found occurring as fads. If the 'formal' uppity journal community don’t have the courage to admit mental illness can be market caused and that the external sphere of society can be toxic..  it is their own failure to confront it and demand regulation. Gibson Girl, Heroin Chic, and proana ‘lifestyle’, are fads whose females are too often seen as ‘victims’ of a male privilege error rather instead their own stubborn choices and long term effects there of : I reject the notion Anorexia should be tolerated as a go-to for researchers that simply need grant money and repudiate those that attempted to distract its identity. The democratization of Anorexia as ‘everyone’s disease’ leads me to be highly suspicious of Buliks motivations as a professional  and what diet/pharm companies are handing her NCEEDUS checks. 

“ Aye , I hear you was gonna go on a crash diet. You dont wanna be one of those wanna bes..  A real crash diet , ya cut your own brake cables , go for a drive on elevated roads and see how many cliffs you can climb back up from.”

What is Anorexia Nervosa:

Behaviors of Disordered Eating are not themselves the source of the problem. All persons using crash diet and anorexic symptom behaviors however should be considered ‘eating disordered”.  Anorexic behaviors are actions of solving a problem the subject appears to suffer even if originally having a healthy proportioned body.  Current research suggests that between 3-10 exposures to any message makes an audience more willing to oblige and 'know' its message. This also means a female convinced that eternal youth is where she must rest her physical body to be beautiful is not technically a mental disorder yet. In the struggle to keep her body looking prepubescent the damages of malnutrition and gray matter deterioration lead to distortions of thought. These distortions then create  new symptoms, unoriginal symptoms that are signs of a narcissistic depression and helplessness.

Starting at that point for internal pathology....

If Anorexia is a mental illness aside from market learning then it must be recognized a problem of extreme dissatisfaction with the self that has escalated.  Anorexia Nervosa , or the most extreme form of cosmetic starvation is then to be recognized : A narcissistic depression formed from the conflict or inability to adapt to adolescent body changes. Social messages denouncing the mature female body and independence may solidify these formerly inert cautions. Further, body changes of the teen are used by marketers to embarrass and humiliate the teen for imperfections; a classic 'witch hunt' scenario of threatening the girl with being burnt at the stake for not being a sexual object. The anorexic is faced with that environment daily; an environment where she has no choice to identify as an adolescent among peers and media , whether she’s ready to adapt or not. There is a clear ‘at adolescence trigger” that points to an adaptation difficulty in a soup of marketing that denounces the aged female as roast beef, spent, junk in the trunk and other negativity. The Youngest females.. healthy or by pathology would have a difficult time concluding what is good about being female when the unhealthy deposition of fat at the waist and hips is normal for her maturity.  That is mainly due to problems in the fitness community media leaving no appreciation for fitness itself. Magazine imagery is purely body sculpted or body building.. actual athletic conditioning with the time allotment it requires. 

 I am also referring to Anorexia as a form of Gender Dysphoia who's conflicted social and internal views of teen maturity can lead to traumatized states.  This should not leave room for stable anorexics or unstable females to characterize the adoption of their injurious methods for 'an in-crowd” elitism.

Anorexia Nervosa and its less severe 'eating disorders..  should actually be called #BodyDysmorphicSIBDieting ( Self Injurious Behavior-Dieting)..It includes caloric restriction, multiple stimulant abuse, dissociative abuse and abuse of prescribed medicines,  poor choices in recovery foods which adds to their narcissistic shaming. Pro Ana websites and groups must be understood part of the symptom of a sociopathic “narcissism supply”. Because Anorexia is so well known, applying its known traits can mimic actual anorexics but these body dissatisfied people are factitious disorder candidates. (they are still disordered and mentally unwell. Thereby groups calling themselves pro Ana that taunt new members as ‘wannabes’ are not doing their job as a support group; Support groups and other health resources pages welcome members  and hope to spread positiivity. Instead pro ana sites often feature a core group functioning as an exclusive cliq who give merit to the identity of ANOREXICS as it surrounds her; the actual board member is of no consequence. The Pro Ana board is an active process of denial/bargaining by making their narcissist affliction sound positive and trendy.

In no way should statements of recovery or links on these proana sites be presumed to be safe.  Anorexia Nervosa is technically an umbrella term for three or more groups necessitating 'shortcutting dieting techniques” to achieve a desireable body. One is truly a mental illness of its own, another is a sociopathic illness that has adopted anorexic traits for its factitious parading.. but is also as serious. Also be mindful that persons starting pro anorexic boards might also be sadists and psychopaths who find artificial arousal in providing a place for harm.  All persons utilizing starvation and self abuse for an undisciplined 'thinspired body” are all heading to the same fatal end; including fashion models. Anorexia in name, in diagnosis, or in method IS STILL ANOREXIA. A refusal of recovery and presumption that anorexia is a lifestyle in name , point to a group still in denial that their practices are injurious. Denial of self failure/deception is one narcissist flaw even if the personality disorder symptoms dont apply to the factitious supplicants 

Third is a general category of body dissatisfied females who use encourage each other with SIB Diet techniques rather than actually go to a gym and perform both cardio AND resistance-exercise-for-STRENGTH.. which will infact lead to hypertrophy and better metabolism. This third group is often heckled by the others as fakers and wannarexics. In fact it is the other two groups proving the sociopathic tendencies of their guilt being made manifest on others. Since they cannot empathize, they neither should be empathized. Those yelling 'wannarexics” can be considered social trash and treated accordingly. A combined trait among all 'anorexics' is they mistake strength as an inside characteristic to excuse responsible self conditioning. .. or to justify their fears lifiting weights .. as a behavior is too masculinity  defining.  Her ego exploits her physical body and the body at times will take back such time to demand fueling.  It is then rightful the ego feels shame but not for eating .. rather for the fasting that causes binging in excess of regular fueling of activity.  This singular matter has a strong motivation to be fatally thin and is their excuse to avoid most legitimate forms of  balanced physical conditioning. The thinness is of no consequence. Those who intend to crash diet their way to a perfect body will eventually succumb to the cheapness of their diets. There is no diet that achieve what physical benefits come from physical conditioning. Research addressing diet as more important than exercise in weight control addresses a foolish society terrible at both.   MB.

[shit-uhm-sorry]

It all starts in one of Andrew's criminal justice classes. It was specifically for analyzing the sociology of criminals. (how victim-abuser relationships work, criminal empires, the structure of how criminals interact with other people, etc.)

Andrew likes his degree. He really does. And having to admit that, even to himself is as Bee would put it: a big step forward

He doesn't care enough to shove it away. It feels... interesting. The whole field is interesting.

But then theres times like- this.

That makes Andrew want to commit another felony himself.

It was not long after the Baltimore incident.

Only a month after.

And his sociology professor comes in with a peculiar pep in her step.

She sets down her notes for the day and waits for the rest of the students to file in.

Once everyone is settled she plastered on this big grin

"Everybody, I have something to share." She said it as if she was trying to contain her excitement but everyone knew she was practically bursting with it. "If any of you are avid on keeping up with news involving big criminal networks you would have seen an absolutely astounding albeit vague breakthrough about a month ago."

Andrew felt his stomach clench. If she was going where he thought she was going with this...

"Some of you criminal conspiracy theorists out there know all about infamous Wesninski scandal."

Andrew felt a spark of anger begin to boil but he absolutely refused to show anything outwardly. He heard some classmates that were the avid conspirators start to also whisper excitedly. Andrew clenched his hand into a fist under the desk so hard he could feel half moon marks forming on his palms.

"For those of you who dont..."

She then pressed a button on her remote and the projector started to turn on.

An article titled "The Blood of the Fallen Wesniski Family" appeared on the screen. It had the picture of a giant house-closer to a mansion-on the front that Andrew could only assume was the Wesninski's.

"This article was published this morning. A month ago there had been a news story about a big bust in the Wesninski house reporting several murders of the occupants inside, but the police refused to release any more information than that. It was huge, considering many had speculated exactly what has been happening involving the Wesninski's for years."

"But this morning the FBI finally released information about what had happened."

His professor scrolled down past the picture to start reading the article outloud.

"Nathan Wesninski, Lola Malcolm, Patrick DiMaccio and 7 other victims have been reported dead, found around and mostly in a hidden basement of the Wesninski household."

It then went on to talk about the cause of death, why the FBI had been withholding this information, and the speculation on who killed them.

Suddenly she scrolled down and a picture of Neil showed up. There were a few audible gasps in the room. A select couple were from recognition, the rest were from the shock of the images.

Andrew had seen Neil in the hotel. But that was after he had gotten medical care.

This was when the police and press had arrived right after he narrowly escaped death.

Andrew felt such a white hot rage that he could feel his lips curling upwards in a snarl.

Neil was being man handled by a cop in the image, his hair a matted mess and blood was everywhere. The lacerations and burns on his cheeks were stark against his pale face. The shirt- the fucking shirt that Andrew saw Neil leave in before the riot was stained with so much fresh blood and sweat.

The worst part-

The worst part though was that in the image Neil was doubled over laughing. His eyes were filled with panic and hysteria and his mouth was wide. Andrew could hear his own laughter filling his ears when Drake-

Andrew pushed that aside in favor of trying to contain his immense anger. To contain the temptation of burning this fucking school into the ground.

"Some of you might recognize this man. He actually goes to our very school" the professor informed the class with such elation.

"This is Nathaniel Wesninski. Nathan Wesninski's son. He barely survived the events of what happened that night, and informed the FBI that the suspicions the police and other crime enthusiasts have had over the Wesninski's were true."

Andrew tuned out the rest of his professors ramblings on the theories and the confirmed murders and tortures the Wesninski circle was involved in until the name Nathaniel was mentioned again.

"Nathaniel is actually on our Exy team-"

Andrew surprised himself when he heard himself snarl "His name is Neil Josten."

Suddenly all eyes shifted onto him. The woman then had a look on her face like she just realised who exactly was in the class room.

"Ah.. uh, yes Mr. Minyard is correct. Nathaniel and recently changed his name to Neil Josten in an effort to distance himself from the Wesninski history and name."

She seemed to realize how insensitive this entire situation was because her joy and excitement noticeably dimmed.

After a few more words she went on with the actual lesson that day.

Andrew couldn't pay attention. His focus much more attuned towards Bee's breathing exercises that weren't working in calming him down.

After class was over Andrew was just about to be leaving when his professor stopped him. "Ah Mr. Minyard, a word?"

Andrew turned his head but didnt come near her.

She sidled up to him instead and said "I know you are on the college Exy team, and I have seen you with Wesnin- ah Josten in the halls."

Andrew felt himself clenching his fists again

"I was wondering, if it is alright with him of course, if you could possibly talk to Mr. Josten and ask him if he'd be able to guest speak on the next lecture?"

Andrew stared at her in disbelief, but to her in must have just been a blank mask.

"How about this." Andrew started

"The next time you decide to use a student, a human being, that you are trained to teach and to respect and coincide with as something for you to squeal over like a scientist dissecting a specimen, ask yourself this. Am I being professional? Am I being a person with common sense? Am I being someone who can fall asleep without crying over how pathetic my life has become? I can already guess that the answer to all these questions is no. No you are not. So stow away this asinine facisnation with other people's serious trauma and act like a goddamn fucking professional."

Andrew then turned around and left without a word.

Later that day Andrew entered the dorm after his classes were done and set his things down.

Neil was on the couch already, spacing out looking at the wall.

"Browning called this morning." He said after Andrew had settled himself on the arm of the couch.

"Said that they released the information to the public about Baltimore."

Andrew showed no reaction to this information, which he knew Neil would interpret as Andrew already knowing.

Neil gave a cruel smile and looked at Andrew. "Do you know how many people have approached me today? Asking about it?"

Andrew kept his face blank, giving Neil the foundation of nothingness he needed.

There was a tense couple of minutes of just staring before Neil's smile finally cracked and he looked at his lap in defeat. Andrew could see how tired he was.

"They asked. They asked why I laughed."

Andrew finally moved to sit next to Neil and put a hand onto his neck for much needed comfort.

Neil side eyed Andrew and started elaborating "...There was an image the press took that had been withheld by the FBI until now... it was of me-"

He couldnt hear Neil say it. Couldnt hear Neil relive it. "I saw." Andrew interrupted.

Neil looked at him fully, twisting his body towards Andrew.

"Yes or no?" He asked in a quiet and weakened voice.

Andrew saw the fresh scars on Neil's face. Saw the black armbands he wore proudly. Saw the eyes that usually held such a burning fire but now only held a dim flame. He saw a man who has survived so much. He saw a man that he knew better than himself and he saw a man just like him.

"Yes."

Neil, very slowly, learned towards Andrew until his face was buried in his neck and his weight was on Andrew completely. He kept his hands to himself.

Andrew buried one of his hands in Neil's hair, rubbing circles in the scalp and with the other hand he gently grabbed one of Neil's to lace their fingers together.

A sighed escaped Neil's lips and tickled Andrew's neck, effectively giving him goosebumps all over his arms.

Andrew tilted his face into Neil's hair and murmured "I did too."

He knew Neil knew what he meant.

He knew Neil had heard his manic laughter when they discovered him bloody and numb and high on his pills.

Neil nuzzled in further, not responding.

The message was clear anyways.

You're like me.

We are both damaged and the world will never understand,

But at least we have eachother.

[hereidinathoreauwrites]

Fixing TRoS

I have thoughts about the Rise of Skywalker. So here’s my wish fulfillment re-write of the final film that fixes a few glaring problems/omissions I saw in the story.

This is all my opinion, so please keep the discourse civil!

Basic Rules for this re-write: must keep all characters and locations from original story, all deaths remain as they were in original.

First things first; two quick prop fixes:

Rey’s Staff - there is no reason for her to keep it as is for this movie. She doesn’t use it a lot and most of the time, she’s just passing it around so it survives the film until she can turn it into her new saber. So a quick fix - it now cuts in half like Dark Rey’s saber so she can more easily strap it across her back and carry it through the events of the film.

The Dagger - again, no reason for this to be what it is. When Rey used it to “read” the Death Star wreckage, I rolled my eyes. How would one even make something like that?

So instead of a dagger that points the way, the dagger will be eliminated and the wayfinder will be split into pieces. The crew will be on the hunt for these pieces. 

Also: It’s a holocron. Call it a f*cking holocron. I will call it a holocron.

The plot:

Keep the opening the same, Palpatine is fine as a villain and the set design of Exegol is great. Kylo finds the first holocron and flies to Exegol. After a display of Palpatine’s power, he pledges loyalty to the emperor. Palpatine demands that Rey be delivered to him for unknown reasons. The spy recon scene and lightspeed skipping scenes are also fine, they can stay as is.

Rey’s training is fine but she should not be using Luke’s saber. Instead, Leia has given her a training saber that Rey breaks during the training. She tosses it on a garbage heap and takes up another one from a long line.

When Kylo Ren reaches out to her with Vader’s mask, she sees visions of herself as a Sith standing over the bodies of everyone she loves. This begins her journey.

More infighting should be apparent in the First Order, particularly among the leaders. They should appear to be crumbling from within, especially with regard to the Hux-Ren-Pryde dynamic. Ren is obsessed with finding Rey because he still believes they can defeat Palpatine together. Hux is discontent with Pryde’s newfound authority in the order and the two spar during the meeting. After hearing about the Final Order and discovering the existence of another holocron, the gang sets out, taking R2 with them, as he has an old star-map from Luke that may or may not contain the location of the holocron. As a parting gift, Leia gives Rey her old saber before she leaves saying that she’s ready for it. She also tells Rey not to be afraid of who she is.

On the desert planet Pasaana, where R2′s map indicates the holocron might be, all the events from the movie can remain (except the dagger is now half a holocron in pieces). Poe’s leadership during the speeder chase lands them in the sand, shaking his confidence. Everyone thinks that the pieces are just junk but Rey still pockets them, something in them calling softly to her. After realizing the holocron is incomplete, the gang realizes that the other pieces of the holocron must be on another of R2′s planets. Rey still heals the snake underground and Chewie is still taken with the pieces of the holocron in tow.

Rey and Ren stand off with the ship and Rey, in a moment of desperation and fury, shoots lightning from her hands, destroying the ship.

Distraught and believing that she killed Chewie, Rey and the others escape. Rey experiences a moment of deep unrest, since her powers have never been so destructive before.

Sometime in the escape, R2′s memory has been corrupted so they need to head to Kijimi to get the rest of the map and find the other half of the holocron. Poe claims to have contacts there who will help them.

On Kijimi, they meet Kaeden Larte, a former Rebel medical professional and her sister Miara, a former Rebel pilot. The sisters provide a safe space for them, especially after Kaeden sees Rey’s saber. While Miara and Babu Frik work on R2, Miara discusses with Poe the importance of leadership and stepping up, referencing her time as a Rebel Captain. “They win by making you think you’re alone.” Kaeden talks to Rey about the role of a Jedi and the option to step outside the Jedi way, revealing that she once knew another force-user who was outside of the Jedi. Rey is desperate to know more but Finn interrupts them, telling them that R2 is ready.

R2 must now have his memory wiped in order to retrieve the location of the holocron. The little droid agrees, conveying his final words through Rey and the little cone-headed droid they have adopted. Before Babu shuts R2 down, we see him pass something to BB-8. R2′s memory is erased but he projects a course to the Endor system and the location of the final pieces of the holocron.

Zorii Bliss, a former smuggler turned pilot for the sisters, offers the gang an escape just as the Knights arrive. But Rey senses that Chewie is still alive and insists that they get to the ship. Zorii agrees to get them there but insists that she cannot stay to get them off. She doesn’t like combat and doesn’t want any part of the war. Finn tries to convince her but she wont have it.

The gang arrive and split up to rescue Chewie and play out the other events on the ship. The only changes here are regarding Hux and the confrontation between Rey and Ren.

Hux plays a larger role in Chewie’s rescue, actively helping them dodge patrols and escape, even prepping the Falcon and releasing Chewie before they can get there. His reasons remain as in the original film. R2 assists with security bypasses, gleefully unaware that he has done this so many times before. Poe, Finn and Chewie get on the Falcon and load up the droids.

Meanwhile, Ren tells Rey who she is during their Forcetime call between Kijimi and the ship:

Rey is a Vergence. Not a Palpatine.

She’s a nobody who happened to have been conceived by the force, just like Anakin. Imagine the rift that would have caused between her parents? Or the pressure it would have put on a single (slave) mother? She was unwanted and abandoned, confirming Rey’s worst fear: no one truly knows who she is and there is no one to guide her. Vergences are powerful and unpredictable. After all, the last one was Darth Vader.

Sensing her unease, Ren tells her only Palpatine can help her understand who she is. Rey and the gang barely escape as Ren realizes where she is. Battered and with Rey badly torn about her uncertain power and the pull to find answers with the emperor, they go to the Endor system, crashing to the surface. Sensing the holocron, Rey thinks she can find it in the Death Star wreckage. All the stuff with First Order defects is fine, including Finn’s discovery of other Force-sensitive beings. Here, Finn begins to recognize his own leadership potential, as the defects all turn to him for a plan when Ren arrives and Rey and Poe are both otherwise occupied. They keep Ren from approaching the wreckage but only temporarily. When Ren chases after Rey, Finn and Jannah pursue. Inside the Death Star, Rey finds all the pieces and uses the Force to reconstruct it. Just as the completed holocron touches her hand, her visions come to life. Rey’s clone overpowers her with the dark side and she feels the temptation to reach into the darkness for strength. It is only Ren’s appearance that breaks the illusion.

Rey flips out on Kylo when he crushes the holocron; fighting him with saber and lightning etc. Her power and emotions are running rampant and she nearly kills him. It’s only Leia that brings her back to the light (NOTE: I would have loved for Leia to have played a bigger role in the story, especially the ending but I’m still in awe of just how much we got considering Carrie’s passing. RIP Carrie.). Rey still stabs/heals Ben but instead of the hand thing, she says she only wanted him to chose his path, instead of the one his family lineage set him on. She takes his ship and runs. Ben still has a memory of Han but Han’s dialogue is all same from TFA scene. And instead of throwing his saber away, he rips the crystal from it and shoves the pieces into his pocket with the remains of the crushed holocron. The emperor orders Kijimi to be destroyed by a ship. In the chaos, Miara and Zorii escape, Kaeden remains behind to unjam their ship, to her sister’s horror. As the blast closes in, Kaeden closes her eyes and whispers her final words: “I’m coming, Ashoka...” (alternatively: “I’m coming, love.” but this way, Ashoka at least gets name-dropped in the movie.) Having found the holocron onboard Ren’s ship, Rey retreats to Ahch-To, crashing horribly in her distress at losing Leia. Here, she encounters Luke once more as a ghost. After recounting her powers and her pull towards the darkness for answers, Luke reminds Rey that there’s darkness in everyone and what matters is doing what is right as often as you can. And no matter how far gone you are, you can always choose to come back. He tells her about the previous Vergence: his father.

Taking Luke’s resurrected ship, Rey leads the fleet to Exegol. 

Back at the Rebel base, the survivors are coping with Leia’s loss and the absence of Poe and Finn. Having been working behind the scenes until now, Rose steps up, re-working the comm systems until they can connect with the Falcon on Endor and deliver the news of Leia’s passing.

After an appropriate time for mourning, Rose inspires Finn and Poe to keep fighting even if the odds are against them. Poe recalls Miara’s words, agreeing to be acting general. Finn laments that Rey is gone and they dont know where to go. BB-8 pulls out a small drive that R2 gave him and Jannah says it’s a memory disc. With the cone-headed droid’s approval, they take a vital part from his head and insert the chip into R2. The droid’s memory is restored and he gleefully tells them that he is picking up a new signal.

At this point, Rose reveals that a new signal has appeared on their end as well, coming from Red 5. The fleet rallies, Poe and Finn giving orders from Endor. Jannah and the other defectors pledge to accompany them, vowing to destroy the First Order once and for all. With Rose and Commander Larma leading the deployment, the Rebellion rendezvous with the Falcon near Endor. Here, Lando and Chewie take over the Falcon (Lando fixing it in about 3 seconds), Poe’s X-Wing and the other transport having been brought to them on a larger ship. With everyone in place, they all jet off to the fight.

While the fleet is in route, Rose finally connects up a broadcast system to the whole galaxy. All across the worlds from all the movies, we see an image of Leia Organa, making one final desperate call to the galaxy to rise up (a la “help me Obi-Wan...”). Across worlds, we see people, even that little boy from The Last Jedi, slowly standing up to fight. Across the galaxy, stormtroopers are beat back, some voluntarily throwing down their weapons. Ships begin to take off, blasting through First Order blockades and patrols, rallying to fly to Exegol. From an undisclosed location, Zurii and Miara join the fight.

Much of the battle of Exegol remains the same, with the main difference being in Rey and Ben’s arc.

Upon finding the emperor, Rey learns that he originally planned to use Vader as a vessel for himself but Vader’s defeat on Mustafar made it impossible. He then reveals that after his resurrection, he influenced the Force to create her: another Vergence, this time, one who would be perfect for him. She will become the vessel for all the Sith and rebuild the Sith society on Exegol.

Seeing her friends dying in the aerial attack, Rey embraces her potential for evil. She kills Palpatine and absorbs the entire dark side. At the same time, she already contains all the Jedi and must reconcile these two opposing forces within herself. Voices of the Jedi and the Sith collide in her head, her power spinning out of control around her. Rocks fly, lightning flashes. While this is going on, sky battle continues, with Finn, etc. attacking the command ship. Ben arrives and, in a moment of desperation against the Knights, reassembles his saber using the pieces of the holocron. When he ignites it, it blazes a brilliant white.

Sensing Ben, Rey finds something to ground her as the powers fight within her. Through their bond, Ben steadies her because he too knows the pull; he’s been fighting it all his life. With Rey settled, having defeated the Emperor’s influence, the Guards descend on Ben and Rey. In an echo of the throne room scene from TLJ, they fight side-by-side against the guards. The ghosts of all the Jedi appear with them and guide them through the fight with their knowledge and encouragement. Both are injured critically during the battle, Rey fatally since she is already so drained from her ordeal overcoming Palpatine. Ben knows he only has enough strength to save one of them, he chooses to save Rey. The woman who showed him all was not lost. That even he could chose to return to the light.

With a touch, all of his life force goes into Rey. He collapses. With his dying breath, he thanks her. 

Rey closes his eyes and kisses him on the forehead before he fades into the Force. She takes his new saber and Leia’s from the temple.

After celebrating their victory, the Resistance gathers for a proper funeral for Leia, her body fading into the Force as Maz offers up a eulogy. Poe and Finn share a moment that may be simple camaraderie but may be the hint of something more. Off to the side, Rey ignites Ben’s clothes with a spark of lightning and watches somberly as they burn.

As the last remaining Force-user, Rey names herself the Skywalker. The line between the light and dark. The Balance. In the final scene, she buries Leia’s weapon and the pieces of Luke’s alongside the general’s grave. She reveals that she has constructed her own saber: a double-bladed sword made from Ben’s blade and her staff.

She turns and we see Finn, Jannah, and the remainder of the defectors standing watching her. As one, they all bow to her, revealing training sabers on their hips.

“Padawans.” Rey says. She lifts a rock with the Force. “It’s time to begin your training.”

“Yes, Master Skywalker.”

[mental-health-advice]

(1/3) So here's the thing. I feel like I'm going to fail my next years in school, and be a disappointment entirely compared to my older sister who graduated from Stanford. On top of that, there are so many family issues in which my mom, my frickin 50 year old mom is coming to me for advice and to cheer her up. Not to mention my sister has this horrible attitude but she's depressed so I want to help her so bad but its a pain in the behind to talk and work with her, you have no clue. And I hate

(2/3) sorry for the discontinuity, I have to leave momentarily and I forgot what I left on, god that sounds stupid haha, but my point is im always in people's corner with a smile on my face and nobody is ever in my corner which really sucks but hey I have been coping for several years so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ deal with it I guess but it definitely feels good to vent on anon. my main problem right now is I think im gonna fail in life. especially because im in an extra competitive environment. im also sick of

(3/3) being dumb. everyone thinks im dumb, I think im dumb and ive gotten over it but honestly im still sick of it. I dread tomorrow, or every coming day. but im scared as to what happens after death. god this is dark and tbh this is the most ive ever vented to someone and the great thing is I dont feel ashamed or awkward because im anon so yay Tumblr. anyway tysm if you have actually read this highkey boring story, you're genuinely great, and I hope youre aware of the impact you're having :)

Hello lovely,

I’m so glad that venting out to us has made you feel even the tiniest bit better, having an outlet no matter what it is, is so important in keeping us moving forward and helps us feel so much better!

It is so lovely of you to be there for all those around you who you love, but you gotta put yourself first. If you aren’t feeling well or taking care of yourself then you aren’t able to take care of those around you. Is there any one that you feel as though you could have a mutual conversation with? Start with something like “I love being there for you. I’m going through a really hard time too and I was wondering if I could talk to you about it”. That way you break the ice a little. Another great outlet that I love if I’m having trouble talking to people is writing things out in a journal. That way I get to say everything that I want to say, no matter how harsh it might sound, without worrying about hurting someone else's feelings if it relates to other people. Other amazing outlets that have helped me release a bit of stress and tension is yoga and exercise if you want to try those also! 

In terms of your family it can be hard to keep things at a certain distance. Could you maybe let your mum know that you don’t feel comfortable with all the things she talks about? Or suggest that she may benefit from getting advice from someone with a little more experience? That way you are still being there for her but you are making sure that you are not her only outlet and that she is not offloading everything on to you. Working with those who live with depression can often be difficult. Symptoms that follow depression often include agitation which can make communication difficult, but there is never an excuse for what you say or how you act. Mental illness is not an excuse, it’s only an explanation. You can always talk to her if you feel she is acting inappropriately and say “maybe we can pick this up in a minute after a little space?”.

Failing at life is a very common fear, I don’t think it’s possible to fail at life. I think people are constantly learning new skills every day that they did not have the day before, you cannot fail at life. You are human, you are breathing and that in itself is an amazing thing! You are life. Try tell yourself everyday how wonderful you are, and that you are doing an amazing job. It may be hard at first, but I find it’s so motivating to me when I get up in the morning.

Everyone is good at different things, things that others may be great at may not be your forte and that’s okay! Part of life is figuring out the things that you are good at, and things that you enjoy doing. Intelligence cannot be measured on one scale, everyone works a different way you just have to identify what works best for you. If you are struggling in certain classes you could also see if there is option for tuition and talk with your teachers if someone is able to offer you extra time to help you understand things that you find difficult. The one I could never get my head around was chemistry, I spent half my lunch times working in classes to try get there but I decided it was not my thing and I went on to healthcare instead. Everyone has their good and bad and being in a competitive environment is hard but try your best to just focus on yourself and what you are doing, as opposed to those around you. This is your life love, live it the best you can!

If you are noticing an increase in these dark thoughts you may also benefit from getting some extra supports. Talking with your GP to make sure that there is nothing medical that causes you to feel the way you do, and if there is something going on with your mental health what options are best to help you get through this. There is also a tonne of counselling services available if you feel more comfortable venting in that route, that way you can get professional advice on a regular basis and ensure not to bottle things up. It’s so incredibly important to let things out lovely!

You’re genuinely great!!

Links for you to look at:

Getting helpDepression informationHelplines if you’re feeling worriedReasons to stayMindfulness

You got this x

Much love,

Willow x

[parkjmini]

Outlier | the end

poly!au: park jimin x reader x kim jennie while your lovers said they needed you, you wondered if they knew how much you needed them. word count: 3988 genre: angst warnings: explicit language

[an]: nothing is medically accurate lmao im so sorry i researched like 70 percent and then i implied everything else so dont trust me idk what im talking abt. but a BIG thank you to everyone who sent me so so so much support and feedback for this entire series bc i wouldn’t have had the motivation to finish. getting those messages after posting a chapter made me giddy for my own story and i know what happens. I truly love interacting with my readers and going into plot/character analysis, i just love hearing everyone’s thoughts and thinking processes bc we all interpret things differently, again, thank you everyone who enjoyed reading this story (: 

prologue . 01 . 02 . 03 . 04 . 05 . 06 . 07 . 08 . the end 

After confirmation of the surgery, it became prepping sessions. Your doctor slowly took you off the chemo and gave you medication to ease any discomfort. You were given less visiting hours because you needed to rest. 

But your troubles stirred when you were alone. The moment replayed in your mind when Jennie told you that they were broken up. There was nothing you could say, nothing for you to fix. Jennie and Jimin were respectfully dating you, aware of your decision for still wanting to be with the both of them. It didn’t feel the same though, it didn’t feel secure or safe.

There was no way you could date them separately. Jimin lacked what Jennie brought to the relationship and vise versa. It wasn’t complete without the both of them. Your nurses didn’t let you worry about that, brushing away Jimin and Jennie during your resting hours. 

Jungkook visited you once after you added him back onto your list. He also brought you a vase of your favorite flowers. There was part of you where you didn’t want to make things awkward, but the other part didn’t allow for that. Instead, you blurted out that you knew about his crush on you. Then, he left quickly after you rejected his offer to be with him.

Hoseok respected your time and didn’t visit when he wasn’t allowed to. You were aware of how he had other important events in his life, but you really wished he tried to see you more. You’d hate to admit it, but Hoseok seemed to be the only person you could turn to for any non-biased advice. Since he stopped coming around often, you had to turn to your nurses.

The two weeks were absolutely the dullest moment in your life. You thought that living in your small town with your mom was bad, this was worse. You were stuck in a huge hospital with no friends majority of your stay. Your nurses were only with you for max ten minutes before they needed to go. You had the television, sleep, and your own nervousness.

Surgery was a big decision, so big that you even called your mom about it. You didn’t have the best relationship with your mom, so calling her was a surprise to even her. She totally didn’t bother to follow up on your life, so she never called first. But, you couldn’t go into surgery with the possibility of death and not tell her about it.

She offered to fly over and you insisted that she didn’t. So when she arrived to see you, you didn’t hesitate to give her a piece of your mind.

“What are you doing here? I told you that you didn’t need to come. Where did you find which hospital I was staying at?” You groaned into your pillow.

Your mom set her things down and crossed her legs while she took a seat across from you. “I asked the school. I’m your mother, for fucks sakes.” 

“Yeah, well you didn’t think that when I was growing up, so now that I’m dying, you decide you should start caring.” You rolled your eyes at her gasp.

“How dare you say that to me? I raised you when your dad walked out on us.”

“If you think being drunk and picking me up from my after school programs means raising me, then yeah. You did great mom.” Your sarcasm came out in train wrecks when it came to your mom; she drew the worse out of you.

“(Y/N), you have cancer and you decide to let me know when you’ve already decided for surgery is not exactly the most responsible daughter thing you pride yourself to be.” She shot back.

Your nurse came in to cue that she only had 15 minutes left before she needed to leave. “It honestly didn’t cross my mind that I needed to tell you since you’ve never cared enough to call me these past years except to invite me to your stupid wedding. Might I also add that you didn’t tell me about until the day before, so that makes two of us.”

“I didn’t raise you for you to treat me like this.”

“You didn’t raise me at all, what are you saying? But how about we talk about something else, since that’s all we ever talk about. News flash, mom, I have fucking pancreatic cancer and I’m going into surgery tomorrow. I’ve been going to chemo these past three months and I have almost to no hair. My body is bruised from being poked by needles. I am dying! Thanks for even having the audacity to come see me before my maybe death tomorrow. Don’t let the door hit you in the face.” You shouted as loud as your lungs let you go.

Your door opened and you both stopped your argument to see Jennie and Jimin standing under the frame. They looked stunned and confused to see the lady who you resembled. “Did we come at a bad time?” Jimin asked.

“No, since this is your visiting time.” You crossed your arms, glaring at your mom.

“Who are you two?” She asked, rudely.

“Mom, that’s my boyfriend, Jimin and that’s my girlfriend, Jennie. Welcome to the modern society of polyamorous relationships where I love two people at once.” Jennie and Jimin have never heard such sarcasm run out of your mouth. You were always just subtle, but this side of you was new.

“Hi, it’s nice to finally meet you.” Jennie stepped forward and your mom got up.

“Well, I can see that you have a whole double life I know nothing about. I guess you don’t need me anymore. Good luck on your surgery and whatever you call a relationship.” She grabbed her things and walked past Jennie and Jimin.

“She was pleasant.” Jimin said sarcastically and you rolled over on your side.

“This is why I never brought you home with me for the holidays.”  Jennie hurried to cuddle up to your side. 

“At least we avoided an awkward argument over Christmas dinner.” She chuckled and kissed your ear.

Jimin sat on your opposite side. “Are you ready for tomorrow?” 

Sitting up in Jennie’s arms, you buried your face in your hands. “No. I’m so scared.” 

“You’re going to be fine. Jennie, Hoseok and I are going to be right outside of your door. We’re going to be with you when you’re recovering. We’re with you every step of the way, we already packed our go-bags.” Jimin tried to comfort you, but you sobbed into your hands. You couldn’t help but cry so much nowadays. Staying strong was hard when you were so vulnerable. 

“And if something happens? Will you be there with me?” It was a rhetorical question that caused them to both fall silent.

“Nothing will happen. They’re highly trained professionals and I made sure you had the best surgeon in this hospital.” Jennie bragged proudly and Jimin laughed.

“Yeah, seeing her demand it was very terrifying. But, she did it. You’re in good hands, baby.” Jimin smiled and kissed the top of your head.

“Can you two just lay with me for the last couple of minutes before my nurse comes and kicks you out?” You sniffed and moved over for Jimin to join the sandwich fest.

“(Y/N), I love you so much.” Jennie and Jimin said in unison, and the unsettling feeling set back into your system.

A group of nurses and surgeons rolled you into a double door room. It was dim, except for the big spotlight that shined above you. Squinting, you saw the surgical masks that blinked back at you.

“Ready?” Your doctor was smiling behind her mask.

“No.” Your voice trembled from your nerves; your palms slick with sweat. “I want to be okay.”

“And you will be, (Y/N). We’re going to start with the anesthetics and we’ll get everything going. Relax, I’m right here.” She held onto your shaking hand and you stared back up at the bright light.

You felt the drugs enter your system, slowly stripping away your consciousness. You’ve already cried out all night your worries and said a few important goodbyes before the day arrived. The jittery feeling caused your body to shake uncontrollably and you were so terrified. This could mean recovery or death.

And while you hoped for survival, you knew the chances were split between the two options. Death was unavoidable, but to die so early shook your bones. Your dreams have just been memories of past events in your life, reminding you of the life you lived. The life you might soon leave. It was harder to ignore death than it was to wish for recovery.

Once your eyelids fell over your eyes, you’ve never felt more alone in your entire life.

“Would you stop pacing? You’ve been walking back and forth for the past two hours.” Jennie complained.

Jimin stopped in his tracks and narrowed his eyes at her, “I’m nervous.” 

“What happened to ‘it’s going to be fine’ and ‘you don’t need to worry’?” Jennie laughed and Jimin rolled his eyes.

“I can’t help that my body reacts the way it does when I’m the slightest worried. How are you so calm about this? They’re literally cutting her open in that room.” Jimin gestured to the closed doors.

“By not thinking about it like that. I’m thinking about the lovely time I get to spend with my girlfriend when she’s done.” Jennie muttered.

Jimin walked up to her and pointed to his chest, “you mean my girlfriend?”

Hoseok pushed the two apart. “She’s both of your’s. Are you two done making a scene in a hospital?” 

Jimin went over to sit next to Hoseok’s other side, making him stuck in the middle of a not-so-friendly feud. Even though they showed up together for visits, they were incredibly hostile to one another when they were alone. 

They slept in separate beds, Jimin taking over your room and Jennie in her’s. They ate dinner with their own friends and didn’t bother to tell each other about their whereabouts. They mostly spoke to each other in scoffs or groans.

Suddenly, the hallway doors were slammed open and nurses were rushing in a big machine --- a defibrillator.

The three of them stood up, seeing how rushed and hurried the nurses looked. The surgery door opened and a surgeon walked out with sweat dripping down the side of his head. The sound of a flat line heartbeat caught the attention of Jennie.

“Her heart isn’t beating, is it?” She was afraid to hear the answer to her question, her chest rising and falling violently.

Your doctor held the door open for the other nurses and defibrillator. “Her pulse went out, but we’re doing our best. But prepare for the worse.” 

Jennie collapsed onto the floor, bawling. “Holy fuck, we’re going to lose her!” She shouted with heavy tears running down her face. It was like her words pulled Jennie’s heart down to the pit of her stomach. Her whole mind and body were shutting down at the news.

“You have to stay calm, Jen.. we’re in a hospital.” Jimin tried to get her up, but she kept slipping his grasp.

“I don’t care! That’s our girl in there and her heart isn’t beating!” She exclaimed and Hoseok helped with holding her up.

Jimin’s head was in shambles, utterly speechless at what was happening. Hoseok was numb to the news, unaware to how to react. They wanted to stay optimistic, that the defibrillator will work. It had to work. 

“Why don’t you two go outside and get some air? I’ll stay here for any further news. Please... it’s not a suggestion. Go.” Hoseok needed to clear them out before they both stressed him out more than he already was.

Jimin walked Jennie outside. The light breeze clearing their heavy, crazy minds. Jennie was choked up by her tears, constantly wiping at her wet cheeks. Jimin stared at the ground, listening to her sorrows. His heart too heavy to express.

“Aft-er -- everything.. --Jimin --- I’m.. really, truly sorry...--” Jennie had trouble speaking with the endless waterfalls from her eyes.

“--Jen..” Jimin barely got out.

“No.. listen to me first. I’ve felt really guilty about all the rumors. We should’ve never gotten together in the first place, especially with someone like me. I’m known as the campus hoe, right? I can’t hold onto a stable relationship even if I wanted to and now my --- girlfriend --- is-- she’s -- dying.” Jennie cried harder, holding her face in her hands as she slid against the wall and onto the ground.

“I didn’t do anything with Jisoo ever. I don’t know how many more times I need to tell you, but I would never hurt you or (Y/N) like that, especially coming from a place where that has happened to me multiple times. Maybe you’ve always secretly doubted our relationship, considering how we got together through an accidental one night stand.” 

“Through our three months together, I fell head over heels for you, Jimin. I’ll admit it. I liked (Y/N) first, but you had a piece of me I didn’t think I could give to anyone after Taehyung. You’re so open, so understanding, so kind. I’ve never fully gotten the chance to explain myself because you keep shutting me down and every time, I believed that my explanation doesn’t matter. I’ve been devalued my entire life by my partners and sadly, I made myself feel that way with you when you ignored my pleads. But I think now is the best opportunity to tell you because we honestly don’t have anyone else who understands us the way we do. We’re both suffering because our girlfriend is in there not breathing. Our girlfriend, Jimin. I love you and through everything, you’re the one of the only people in this world who knows my struggles.” Jennie held him by the shoulders, so he could look her in the eyes as she gripped onto the only hope left in her life.

Jimin invited her into his arms, holding her tight. He had forgotten why he was upset before. He just wanted to be with his girls. He wished, hoped, prayed that things were back to how they were before the misfortune. 

“I’m sorry for making you feel invalid. I’m sorry for hurting you the way I did.” He admitted and Jennie sobbed harder into his chest.

“It’s okay... -- we’ll --- be...”

“--- Okay?” Jimin finished off and she nodded. 

You couldn’t breathe or move. Your lungs collapsed into your chest and you struggled to supply oxygen to your body. You screamed, but no noise came out and your arms were glued to your side. It was like you were trapped in a motionless body.

Everything was turning fuzzy and a white light blurred your vision. This was it. You were dying. You weren’t sure what realization hit you. Maybe it was the lost of breath and your heart rate slowly declining. Maybe it was the blinding light that caught your attention ahead.

Your memories started flashing before you. Jennie and Jimin flooding your mind. Your eyes scanned for anyone else, but them. However, you were left with scenes of your once perfect relationship.

Your first date night. It was the day you officially joined your partners. Jennie hurried you down to meet Jimin. He was cleaned up nicely, standing all cool against his sleek car. He peered up to see Jennie with the biggest smile on her small face, hand holding yours. 

She told Jimin the news and he was overjoyed, ready to hold you in his arms. He rushed you into the car and it didn’t feel much different than it was when all three of you hung out. The only difference was that you’ve never been more intimate with your best friends. 

Your first kiss. You anxiously sat next to Jimin on the couch during a lazy movie fest you were having with them. He had his arm wrapped around you, twirling the ends of your fingers with his. Your heart beating so fast, being not use to the touching from either of them.

He picked up your chin, knowing that you were distracted. It was an instant spark once your eyes connected and soon, your lips did as well.

Your first ‘I love you’. This moment was one of your favorites. It was Jennie’s birthday and you three were excited for the day ahead. However, a huge storm was rolling in and you were almost home. Jimin insisted in stopping to buy more snacks before rushing back. 

Once you all stepped out from the convenience store, it was showering, pouring heavy amounts of rain. Jennie, you and Jimin were drenched within seconds of going outside. Your plastic bags filled up an inch with collected water. Jimin’s leather seats in his car pooled with rain. All three of you laughed with glee as you marveled the escape from the wet mess.

And you suddenly stopped to admire the way Jimin’s eyes disappeared cutely and how Jennie’s nose scrunched up, her adorable snort catching your attention. In the midst of their happiness, you blurted out, “I love you two.”

The news of your mother’s wedding. An invitation was addressed to you. It had pretty cursive handwriting and a beautiful design. It was a wedding for your mom and her boyfriend, inviting you to join them for an evening of unity. You weren’t aware of them even being engaged, let alone a marriage. 

Jennie and Jimin never mentioned your mom, knowing you didn’t like pressing on too much about her. Their initial reaction was for you to go, until you explained that you didn’t even know she was getting married. You had crumpled up the invitation and threw it away in the trash.

Jennie consoled you, reassuring you that it was perfectly fine that you don’t attend. While you sulked in the living room, they approached you with the idea of still giving your mom a gift to congratulate her. It showed that you were the bigger person and that you acknowledge her efforts. They made you a better you.

Throughout every flashback, and every memory, your heart was searching for something beyond them, an image that wasn’t them. You laid there, dying, and all you saw was your girlfriend and your boyfriend. There had to be more than that and your heart was looking, waiting, for any other memories to surface. 

But nothing. It was only them and you couldn’t help, but feel a little disappointed. For the last few years of your life, you’ve revolved your entire world around these two people. You’re alone, not because you’re not social, but because you chose to focus all of your efforts into your relationship. And as you slowly lost sense of your consciousness, you became regretful about how you lived.

You heard distant voices, “1, 2, 3!” and you slowly opened your eyes. There was a rush of air that filled your lungs. Your vision adjusted to the bright spotlight and the many surgical masks above you. 

“She’s awake! We got her pulse!” They cheered and one of the nurses pulled down his mask.

“You’re going to be okay, Ms. (Y/N). The surgery was a success.” He smiled and you nodded, reaching for his hand to hold to make sure it was your reality. 

“We’re going to move you to your recovery room now, but you did really well.” The young nurse cheered with so much excitement, there were tears in his eyes. He was a complete stranger that just saved your life, yet he was even crying for you.

“T-Than-k yo-u.” You barely made out and he patted your shoulder. You shut your eyes again and felt the bed move and the voice of Hoseok calling after you as natural light hit your eyelids.

Several hours after the surgery and going over the post-surgery care, you carefully sat up in bed. Hoseok had to leave, but the two stayed. Jennie held onto you tighly, and Jimin blinked at you with stars in his eyes. But the thought you had while you were close to death never left your mind. 

“There is something I need to talk to you about.” You began, and Jimin and Jennie shared glances. “There was a lot to think about when I went under, my heart stopped for a few minutes and I was so close to my death. All I saw were our memories. I saw you two, but... something inside of me longed for something else, something more.” 

“If it’s not the three of us, then I don’t want to be in an individual relationship with either of you. That would mean making me choose and I don’t love one more than the other. It’s either both of you or neither. I will always love you two with all that my heart has to offer, but my life is so valuable and I need someone who is going to recognize that. I realized that the best for us is that there simply is no us. I love you both so much, I really do, but right now is not the right time. I’ll never forget us. ”

“Jennie, you were the first girl I love. Jimin, you were the first boy I love. But throughout it all, I won’t try to remember us. Maybe we’ll realize each other’s worth once we’re ready for it and we’ll be new people when we meet again.”

Jennie didn’t let go of your hand, instead, she nodded to every single word that you poured from your heart. “If that’s what you think is the best option for us, then I’ll accept your decision.” She agreed and no longer shed any more tears. She knew it was for the better, even if it did break her heart.

With a turn of events, Jimin was actually the one crying this time. Jimin’s tears spilled down his plump, supple cheeks. It was difficult for him to talk.. it was difficult for him to express how he felt in general. “I felt so regretful because I thought I was going to lose you forever when I was ready to trade my life for your’s. I’m just happy you’re alive and breathing. I respect your decision and I think that you’ll always know what’s best for us three.” 

Your heart was healing, bit by bit. The shock of almost death woke you up and you no longer wanted to be trapped in something that didn’t seem to work out well anymore. It was time for an end. It was time for change and you were more than thankful to have Jennie and Jimin, who loved you so much, they were willing to let you go and live life with no more regrets. 

Jennie smiled before gently kissing your hand, “I’m unsure how long me and Jimin would’ve lasted without you, but we were two people who fell out of love for each other, but back in love through you. I want you to know that even though you felt like you didn’t belong in our relationship, you were actually the connection between us. You were the reason there was an us.”

It was an epiphany ---- you were not the outlier in the relationship. You were the core center. Jennie and Jimin were more than thankful to have you in their lives, who loved them so much, that you were willing to look past their differences and to fight through every trial. 

“You were the reason there was an us.” That single line replayed in your thoughts, in a constant loop. And you smiled at Jimin and Jennie, the monitor beeping being the only noise in the room.

“I love you both, don’t you ever forget that.” 

[freshoutofthegutter]

"Oliver Ward!", she managed as he boldly stroked her thigh as she was putting on shoes for her evening run.

"We are not going to have sex right now", she finished reaching for the other balenciaga shoe but he caught it first.

"Your ideas are lame, mine are so much better", he argued groping her butt.

"How about we have shower sex", she offered. He halted for a moment. "When I return ", she managed. As she felt him hook her leg over his back.

"Nuuu", he grumbled settling between the space on her chest.

Naturally she couldn't stop herself from playing with his hair. He hummed in agreement and landed a few hundred kisses on her face.

"You smell sexy", he spoke placing a kiss on her jawline.

"The only word I heard was smell", she laughed. He raised himself up on his elbows on and looked her dead in the eye

"Its sexy pheromones", and dived back in this time holding her boobs as stress balls.

"Fine sexy pheromones", she agreed.

This time he tried to get up but she held on tighter.

"I have a call", he huffed. Holding her back.

"And I need to get my pre-sex marathon cardio in", she grinned.

"Nuuuu, you tantalising tease, leave this room and run", he spoke in a theatrical manner as they both reluctantly got up from the divan.

"How about pool sex?", she called as they both walked down the staircase.

Well invested in the idea he asked "which one?", as he grabbed her wrist knowing that his little wife would run off after saying something seductive.

"Whatever you pick baby", she winked on her tip of her shoes to properly kiss him.

"I'm gonna run. And you make us more money", she pointed with her head to the direction of the office.

He laughed at her comment. With new zeal he walked to his office to get the job done.

She knew she was accompanied by security. With a quick nod to Oliver's head of security she told him where she needed to go. A small run around the property.

Their closest neighbor's were about a 2000 feet away which granted them incredible privacy.

She stretched and began to run at a slow pace. Soon she had launched into a mild rhythm that had her thoughts wandering into a million direction.

She mainly thought of the brunch tomorrow . The flower arrangements. The sides that needed to be put out. Above all how to get her dad's attention turned away from the mint green piano that Tina had gotten them as a joke. It was an identical one to the matte black in Oliver's Italian family home. A fine piece of history that belonged to his grandfather.

The familiar burn of the lactic acid buildup in her muscles caused her to slow her run to a walk. She walked for another twenty minutes and the amount of water lost by her body being to make its effects known. She checked the time on her smartwatch. It was thirty minutes past six.

Upon seeing a McDonalds franchise she walked another seven minutes to get to it. She smiled to herself recalling the time she was shocked that FCCU had their own MCB and other fast food chains on the campus. The franchise carried the same name as their residential society.

She walked inside and found it to be slightly smaller in side to the ones she had seen. It was wonderfully chilly inside. Given the moist September air. She stood calmly for a moment as two kids in crocks raced past her to get their ice cream floats.

She walked up to the counter greeting the cashier she asked for a bottle of water and debated whether she should break her non-coffee-vacation streak. She looked at the Happy meals on display with a nostalgic smile when she was interrupted by Jamie to let her know what they needed to leave.

She was mildly shocked at first that Jamie demanded that they leave immediately. She got her water bottle and Jamie payed the due. The cashier was confused.

To top things off Jamie handed her his phone. Which was still connected to a Certain "O Ward".

"Hello?", she asked unsure.

"Hello. Where are you", he spoke back rapidly.

"Hey. I'm at McDonalds, just getting water and coffee, are you okay?", she asked casually.

"Are you okay?", he asked at the same time. She smiled slightly. That they finished each other's sentences. As their universe revolved around each other.

"Are you really okay? I'm asking in absolute seriousness". His tone was stern.

"Yes. Darling", she assured her hand settling on her heart. As she quickly looked around once. "I'm absolutely certain that I'm safe and I'll be home in a few". She said.

"Alright. I love you. Just come back to me safe and sound.", he urged.

"And I you. Dearest", she nodded before handing the phone to Jamie.

She didn't even have to go to the counter to receive her order for it was all done.

She looked at the menu one last time before making an exit.

"Mr. Ward says that "we have to take the car no walking", Jamie explained as he opened the Bentley SUV door.

"Is everything Alright?", she asked after settling in. Jamie was on the phone with someone as Eric handed her the coffee and bottle. Nervously forgetting about her thirst she began to sip on the cold coffee. Almost crushing the cup in her hand. They began driving the moment he was off the phone. She launched into deduction mode and finally asked. "Is Oliver alright?",

Jamie made eye contact with her and said no everything is fine. Before making another call.

"What about Tina?", she turned to Eric. Eyes frantic. "The family, my parents. Drew?". She rambled. Over analysing brain into overdrive.

"Madam everyone is absolutely safe", Jamie repeated twice but she had almost shut down. They parked outside the mansion. 

"Block is secured", she heard Eric.

"Tina's plane landed. Driver is taking her to the hotel as we speak", Eric informed as he stepped in the main gates along with her.

She noticed that the lights had come on and Oliver was waiting at the door for her.

Looking into his phone.

For a moment all form of worry melted away as they saw each other. She calmly walked up to him as he bathed her in the warmth of his gorgeous smile. His clothes smelled of their linens, detergent and his own biochemistry deliciously incorporated in the fancy Jean Paul Gauthier that he favours. He pulled her into his side and observed her closely for any form of injuries. Once satisfied he quickly kissed her and reminded himself that he was holding her.

"I don't think that it was an attack but just to be on the safe side, sweep all the houses the family is staying in. Particularly the hotel", her heart fluttered slightly as she heard him acknowledge her weird family as his.

"Speak to Armando, Drew is getting to the site now and Dont tell Tina". She felt him pull her a little more into his side. And she hugged him by placing her arms around him.

"Also cancel our reservation plans", he finished as they walked into the main lobby.

It was perhaps their favourite thing about the house. The Swarovski crystal fishes flooded the house with an incredible aura of  positivity. He saw the setting Sun reflect and was almost blinded by the magical reflection they left on the high walls and ceiling. A sense of possessive overcame him. He was sure that no one would dare plan a terrorising attack on their house.

"What's wrong Darling?"? She asked as they walked to one of the four living rooms in their mansion.

It was the smallest one but the it was able to grant a wide view of the floor plan.

"Sit", he pointed to the sofa. She grabbed onto his forearm and dragged him with her. "Explain", she pinned him with her most brave stare.

"I want you to understand that appropriate security measures are being taken and no one will get to you or anyone in the family", his voice was heavy and dripping with valor. She felt blood rush to her face.

"I dont understand, just tell me",  she cried.

"My love.", he paused to grab her face and take a deep breath. "No need for you to worry or panic.", she groaned.

"There was a small fire or explosion in the B12 research centre, people are getting on discovering or predicting the cause", he was explaining. As she felt herself melting with relief in his face and practically falling onto him.

"Alright. We're melting now", he was observing her pretty closely. But she didn't seem like she needed any medical assistance.

"Oh dear lord. And here my brain literally thought of cancer and tumors and kingsman shite", she admitted.

"what I'm trying to say is. That we need to deal with this. A team has already started to take into consideration the possible causes and we have to wait and see which is accurate and lots of zoom calls.", he emphasized.

"Which means mini vacation is ceased for the moment", she offered.

"Yes. I'm afraid so", he agreed. "I was more than happy to deal with the situation on my own but they needed to speak with you too", he added.

"Cool", she shrugged feeling the muscles of his obliques tighten.

"So you're not upset", he piped.

"Ofcourse not", she lifted her head to look at his face directly. "Also I broke my no coffee streak so what I am I ever going to do with the energy", she winked. Shamelessly feeling his body and grinding up on him.

He reached for her lovely derrier and adjusted her In a more pleasurable position for the both of them. She hummed in satisfaction. As they took their time to make out.

His smart watch made a sound to let them know that first base and heavy petting was over. It was time to deal with business.

"Drew or Armando?", she asked as they both sat up. "Armando", he answered walking away to collect his phone from Celine their manager/PA who had  travelled with them on this trip.

"I'm gonna go shower", she pointed to the ceiling.

"Sure", he grumbled along with a few other words like cock Block and money and blue balls before switching into a professional demeter to speak on the phone.

"Hello, Celine", Tirza greeted as she grabbed her to go coffee cup from the table.

"Hello. Madam", she answered back. "We have excellent coffee here the same brand you prefer", Celine pointed to the cup in her hand.

"Oh yes I saw those. Thank you for being so kind and thoughtful", Tirza smiled.

"Can I take that for you?", she gestured to the empty cup. "And perhaps get Khalida to make you a new". She offered.

"None of that will be necessary. But I would like you to take an account of all the kids that our staff has and have happy meals sent to them and perhaps something for their parents too", Tirza informed and Celine was more that happy to comply.

"And Celine have you considered a checklist for the things that we may require tomorrow?", she began as they both walked up the stairs.

"Yes I've divided the list in accordance and I've taken the liberty to email them to you. In checklist form Ofcourse", she disclosed.

"Thank you Celine, perfectly executed", she praised entering the master bedroom for a quick shower.

"Alright. I understand that certain remains of the sodium salt required in the chemical analysis had clung to the fabric of the lab coat", Tirza agreed casting a quick glance at the clock on the desk. It was somewhere around 10. PM but still early in Italy. Oliver had popped by 15 minutes ago to let her know that he was going to be on a call with the family. Since his mother had received news about the incident from Drew.

"What we need to understand is that was the research material destroyed accidentally, it was merely preliminary results", Tirza argued.

"It could have been an attempt", a voice provoked.

Irked with the absurd theories regarding the fire.

She wished to Eat the cactus on the table rather than further agrue with these mindless pricks.

She still needed to talk on the phone with Joshua. Ask him about his day and the POA regarding the lab day he had missed.

Disclose the situation to Tina and tell her not to panic.

She rubbed at her temple. Almost filtering out the excessive arguments that broke out between the Director of research and one of the sponsors.

"Gentlemen, this is precisely why it was necessary to invest in an insurance policy. Their guy comes in tomorrow and sees how things go", she reminded everyone on the call. There was a small grumble.

"But what we should take into consideration is that was this preplaned or caused by human error", she reprimanded.

"If it was sabotaged the we will sue the doctor", the sponsor threatend.

"And if it is not then we must all remember that we as researchers have to consider human error and limitations, have we not set fire to things or perhaps broken a few test tubes", Tirza joked.

A small chuckle was heard.

"I once got some h2so4 on my lab journal, smaller than a drop but it burned through a few pages", she recalled.

"But this wasn't a mere lab journal, Mrs. Ward", he borderline scolded.

"It is Dr.Vincent for legal purposes not even my husband calls me that, you know better cousin," she corrected.

"Dr. K, be at ease and tell the student not to worry, this small incident has exposed to us a flaw within our safety control program and we will rectify this in the future", she assured.

"I will not bargain an important asset for price of a small controlled problem that we shouldn't even be talking about until the insurance guy doesn't construct a verdict", she was directly speaking to the sponsor who also happened to be Oliver's distant cousin on his father's side.

"Very well", he agreed.

Her eyes were aching as she saw Oliver walk into her office. With a peculiar look on his face.

He settled into the tiny chair staring at her not saying a word.

She quickly said goodbye as Celine walked in, after a quick chat with Celine. The couple bid her goodnight but there was much that needed to be done for the night.

With a moody Oliver still gawking at her. She took the time to pen a quick to do list for tomorrow.

"What?", she asked walking over to him, simply sitting in his lap.

"For legal purposes", he repeated.

"Yes. It is my title and qualification", she pointed out.

"And what does your husband call you?", he emphasized as the energy of the room shifted.

"Tirza", she joked. Getting up. Walking out into the massive lobby. He got on his heels.

"Where are you going?", he reached for her wrist. But she slipped through his grip.

"Kitchen for food", she giggled. Knowing that pretty soon she would pinned to the massive 8 foot mirror.

"Why so?", he tutted. Standing right behind her. Making her grin because he was predictable for moment.

She rested her heated face on the cool mirror surface trying to hide her grin as his right left settled settled around her neck. His wedding band on the rapidly beating vein on the right of her neck.

He flexed his grip once and  she giggled.

"I dont find it funny or cute when you deny my invitations for dinner", he grabbed her around her slim waist. She noticed that he was wearing his signet.

"I already said that I", she snapped.

He flexed his hand in warning. Cutting her mid sentence. Making her grin at the panther like vibe rolling off him.

"Had coffee?", he mocked. Looking at her in disbelief. " go ahead say it", he taunted making eye contact in the mirrors. Fingers angling her face up. Thumb flirting with the seam of her lip.

They both played this game well. Had perfected it over time. Became masters.

"I've had a coffee", she taunted as an echoing smack followed landing on her left buttcheek. That had place her palms on the mirror panes and rise to her toes.

Making eye contact she murmured.

"So be it husband",

He grinned back quintessentially predatory.

          ***** insert super hot smut*****

An hour or so later.

She stretched casually and contently on the deep sofa of the gaming room.

The lights were dimmed and she had fallen asleep in their post glow/cuddling/ after shower.

"What time is it?", she picked all her hair up and looked at the wet patch on the white faux fur of the headrest.

"Somewhere around 12", he murmured against her lips.

"Big Oof", she grinned falling back onto the fur.

"Mega Goof", he naturally completed.

"2 hours is a new record", he commented. Tracing a particular spot on her hip. An elysian smile hovering on his artistic lips.

"My arm is still twitching", she poked it once again.

"Hmm", he was mentally elsewhere.

"What did I say?", she questioned picking at the fine hair on his arm.

"That you want dinner?", he nuzzled her nose with his.

"Fine whatever,  she was now getting up and reached over for his robe.

"Where are my clothes?", she looked around.

He pointed to the door " outside". He stretched in a king like position on the sofa.

"Oomiii gawd!", she cried. Running out to retrieve her clothing.

She quickly poked her head  to glance at the hallway.

Which was clean and empty. Mortified she stared back at his smug face.

"Where are they?", she whisper yelled. Stretching her arm to her left.

"If you want round two just ask", he rolled his eyes getting up. Strolling towards her.

"Fuck you", she swore looking around for her clothes.

"Here I found your knickers", he flung the lacy material to her. She quickly caught it.

"Where are the rest?",

"Wash", he supplied as they walked down the stair into the kitchen.

The fridge was open and he pulled out a box containing a small salad.

"Eat because I your kind husband requested khalida to make this for you when you were sleeping", he spoke as he sipped on a bourbon coffee. "See how much I adore you." He most certainly over sugared it.

A weird doubt settled and she wished he would answer in negative.

"Khalida found the clothes right and put them in the wash?", she deduced.

"Maybe", he shrugged. She knew by now that the maybe was a definitely.

"What are you having?", she pointed with her fork chewing crunchy sweet lettuce.

"Decaffeinated coffee", he lied.

"With milk right?", she went back to eating.

No reply. No coffee lecture or horrified look.

Not the ideal conversationalist are we now. But it was indeed after 12.

"I'm gonna sleep", she mumbled climbing the stairs back up.

"I'll speak to Eric", he nodded.

"Kay", her voice echoed.

Popping into the laundry room to check out the dryer.

Her clothes were hung up in the fancy air dryer. The  cotton fabric dry and an indicator that it had been washed an hour ago.

"Dont overthink it", he yawned on her shoulder. "Its her job", he reminded her.

"Fine, now hold my finger", she agreed. He smiled.

As he linked his pinky with hers. Knowing that this was a small ritual she has been performing. She took a deep breath and began her silent prayer. Thanking the lord for her husband and everything else. Falling asleep with a thankful heart and in the arms of her beloved.

      *le morning*

He was on his second cup of coffee. He had woken up at an absurd hour as he was still adjusting. The 2 hour video conference had her drained along with the activities that followed. It was around 10 am and she was still passed out.

Oliver quietly sipped his espresso as he and Celine chatted with Tina over the phone and explained to her what had happened.

Tina made a lewd comment regarding her dumb fuk  of a sister when she had accidentally popped by earlier for work purposes. He casually smiled and promised to pass on the joke that she had made to her sister being passed out after being involved in vigorous exercise.

*wink wink*

It was precisely 11 am. When he was done with his workout. He had a small snack post workout. Went to his office to check on emails before he ignored the work for the rest of the day.

"You need to stop stealing my post it notes", she entered the office space as he crossed another thing off the list she had penned prior.

"Bellesima, bonjorno", he spoke with reverence. Bathing in her radiance.

"Bellesima, me later!",

"Why didn't you wake me up?", she inquired picking up the yellow paper frowning.

"Because you looked like the depiction of divinity sleeping", he offered holding his hands before him. Smiling.

"Omg. I was supposed to get my hair and nails done in time and now I have none" she settled in his lap. Thankful that his chair was massive and could house them both.

"You looked peaceful, like a troll that had never gotten sleep", he rolled his eyes.

"Wow, maturity suits you, I have to pick between nails and hair now", she debated holding his hands. He drew hearts, wrote his name on her hand as she decided.

"I'll just straighten my hair and wear the rings", she pointed to the drawer in his table that housed her wedding band and the engagement ring.

" you're agreeable, whenever you sleep past ten we should do that more often", he remarked.

"No its merely the results of my orgasmic after glows.", she grinned. Resting her hands on his shoulders she winked suggestively.

"Minx", he shook his head. Full on snogging her. Almost about to participate in office sex.

"Take glasses off. I have no self control", she cried.

Diving her hands in his hair.

"As much as I'd love to do that!, you need to give me 10 minutes", he broke free. She refused to let him go so he gently placed her on the stuffy chair on the left.

She stared back in disbelief. He took a moment to compose himself as he rearranged the contents of his table.

She still sat away sulking. Glaring.

He turned around and got the rings he needed from the drawer. He phone dinged. Making her narrow her eyes at him.

He smiled looking at the text and placed the ring box on her lap and walked out.

Strangely puzzled by his behaviour she found him taking to Celine outside who had arranged a stylist to do her hair. Eventually everyone got to work.

She toyed with the ring on her hand left hand and watched him walk into the room as she sat before the vanity. He didn't talk to her perhaps he too was nervous and needed time to ground himself. He changed his attire and left quietly. The stylist was trying to conceal her reaction to his existence.

But Tirza was more concerned about the lack of communication.

When her hair was straight and set. She got up to pick her phone to ring Tina around 11:20 only to hear him yelling her name. Startled. She ran, to the source of him voice. The coffee in her system making her crazy.

"Oliver!", she called back.

"Tesora", he answered back. She saw him at the bottom of the stairs. Practically bouncing with energy.

She almost stumbled down the stairs only for him to grab her wrist and start running.

She waved a quick hi to Khalida as she passed by her. Who was grining too.

They quickly passed by the indoor pool.

"What do you see?", he asked.

" a perfectly good pool", she guessed.

"But. Its empty", he pointed with his head. As he kissed her.

"Okay, but dont try to mess my hair up", she jumped with joy sliding the thin stap of her top. He stopped her by placing a kiss on the scar on her shoulder.

"Wait", and then they were running again.

They finally stopped outside a door.

"Close your eyes", he requested pulling out a piece of silk from his pocket.

"Kinky, now?", she pushed the hair away from her face. Closing her eyes.

She hear the door click, and he carried her in the room.

"I'm going to put you down now, you have to stand", he informed her.

She nodded.

"What do you hear", he whispered on her earlobe making her shiver.

She focused really hard and it was the sound of the water.

"Water, please tell me that you've cancelled the plans and shifted it to dinner because we are busy", she spoke realising what may take place now.

He just laughed.

"Ding ding", she cheared.

"Almost there", he traced her arm and they began walking again.

"Happy 7 month anniversary, darling", he slid the silk off. It was slightly static because of her hair. But the sight before her rendered her gobsmacked.

The outdoor pools she had seen three days ago. Now had Koi fishes fluttering in the water. There had to be 20 or more.

She was mesmerised. "They are beautiful", she praised. "Thank you so much",

He was walking into he small pool towards the fountain as he reached over and retrieved something.

"Something to commemorade", he said walking towards her.

"Your clothes", she giggled.

[floralkittygambler]

Return of The Thing

Sort of. By thing, I mean me. But I love this movie and the meme. Ok, context for this post: - Where I’ve been - Why I left - Whats hip happening -  Where I’ve Been:

Long story short, I’ve had real life matters to deal with. Firstly, my entire household contracted COVID. Well, *almost*. We’ve been through constant testing, quarantine zones, and had the ambulance up numerous times. My parents and 2nd oldest sister were hit the hardest. My 3rd oldest sister was positive and asymptomatic. Now something none of us could predict that I would be completely COVID free despite my compromises. Despite that I was in close contact with them all, including the 2nd oldest who contracted it first and accidentally being coughed on a few times lol. I went through the exact same testing and yet nothing. No symptoms. No presence of COVID. And I took no precaution to isolate from my family as I presumed in our small house we’d all get it, so I was more preoccupied with caring for the sick. Ultimately, I’ve either gotten off scott free this time or there’s a chance I may actually either be highly resistant or even immune. Even then, I WILL be having the vaccine as and when my family are eligible. And we all still follow regulations set.  I’ve also had other real life obligations, much of it either mundane fixing up my living circumstances to more personal matters. Overall, I have been extremely preoccupied.

A mini update, the stray cat Big has been in our porch a lot more in recent times due to the snow as well as being even more affectionate. And Queefster passed away after a good life and a full tummy. Why I Left:

Aside from COVID, business, and my own health declining, I’ll be blunt. I left because of how disgustingly toxic most fandoms are nowadays, but Hazbin is one of the WORST for it. That includes harassment, death threats, mocking MI and triggering an ED. In fact, I’ve even seen others get rape and death threats. So yes, even if YOU are a decent fan, collectively most of you arent doing any favours. Even some critical blogs seem to be overtly catty in ways no one else seems to pick up on under this ‘look how blunt I am’ look and it’s just... You dont have to be a prick to have your say, to be honest and to disagree with the trending. That’s a few on and off of tumblr, and no one I follow anyways. 

In regards to my ‘sensitivities’ - two things: 1) Of course trauma is going to hurt, 2) Im fully aware of kids doing and receiving much of this, which hurts MORE. I have my own lil squids and Im worried of them eventually having to deal with this shit. And no, no one SHOULD have to put up with such rude and poor behaviour. Agree to disagree doesnt live in some people’s realities, but by God harassment and bullying seems ok if YOURE doing it or enticing it. That ISNT ok. Even if it seems like nothing to you it could kill another. I certainly will not take your shit. 

On huskerdust I STAND by my words. It’s fucking creepy and there is sexual harassment and obsession. And there are large triggers. I will not go into detail here because Ive done that dance before and I’ll be refining it again. YOU may like it, however it triggers my very real traumas as well as those in my bloodline. Be respectful and keep that shit away from me. And for goodness sake, parents PLEASE dont raise your children to behave as such online. And no, being anon isnt actually fully anonymous. Also to send hate and threats anon is not only traceable but also cowardice. Grow a pair and find a hobby. I avoid my traumas for the most part. I will not allow you to weaponise or diminish my own or others experiences for your fictional based gratification. Likewise, if it becomes canon, I’ll just make an AU where it is not. Simple. You can hate it but Im not your personal circus so go be toxic elsewhere. IF you like HD and follow me, honestly... Youre probably better to unfollow as I am deeply and passionately against it and stolitz, and valvox, and am very vocal on that. Dont mistake my traumas and discomfort as a personal attack - and dont personally attack me over it either. And before anyone claims homophobia, no. This is nothing to do with sexuality. You arent the victim. If you love these pairings with your soul to the point of a ‘stan’, then youre best off unfollowing because I really am too old for extremists and rabid fans more crazed than the infected in REC. Also I never used to hate angel but now... Fans behaviour is abhorrent and hes so over saturated that I honestly really dislike him now. Doesnt mean you have to hate him too, but just bloody respect that angel isnt loved by all, he can be triggering to some as well as toxically enabling [incl. past addicts], a vile homophobic gay stereotype and just overall a lack of knowledge and respect of sex workers as a whole. When you know a lot of the ins and outs and victims, it’s hard to overlook. I respect your triggering ships by avoiding that mess. Respect others.  The problem with Viv - and I will elaborate in the future - is that your audience is often a reflection of your work and it’s message/presentation. And most of the fandom Ive met are awful. Honestly, though lonesome I find more comfort keeping distant from fandoms because yall often extremely toxic and petty. Perhaps others have had better experiences than I however Im drawing a line in the sand. For MY sake. I’m annoyed with virtually anyone I sense great potential in that becomes wasted. Im angry at Viv because she can do so much better but is blocking HERSELF. This is from a creative and business mindset. When someone has potential that gets wasted - especially creatively - it burns me. Im just passionate on artistic fields. It doesnt mean I hate them. I hate the waste of full potential.

I’ll state things here people disagree with but encouraging harassment, hate or just being an overall cunt just aint on- It’s like people charade as being this fair being but its all bullshit. Self improve and sod off, I do NOT have time to parent you online. 

And obviously there are RL duties I must fulfil. Some in which I will need the publics assistance for if you can spare it. Overall, Im just... Fandoms behaviour generally disgusts me. Disappoints me. We SHOULD be better than this. It’s like listening to bloomin incels rant on fuckin chad or some bullshit pill theory instead of looking to improve themselves too. Honestly... I do mostly acknowledge my own flaws and faults and try to improve each day. It just feels fewer folk see that in themselves and do the same. And that’s coming from an old cunt whos far from fuckin perfect. Also, my fuckin laptop broke so I waited a week for a bloke nearby to fix it. What a fuckin lifesaver, he’s the real mvp!

Also Also, one of you did privately apologise and I appreciate that. I certainly hope we agree to disagree and continue to grow as people on our separate ways. Trust me, I dont forget small acts like this. Even the trauma that caused and the aftermath, please dont think I dont appreciate the apology. However you’re also entitled to know that the forgiveness and healing side may take longer for me due to various factors that occurred - much that few are aware of, including yourself especially. I wish you well and safety.

Hip Happenin Now:

Still busy but slowly visiting. I’ll reply and reblog soon, be patient please. Ive still many things to sort which take priority as well as other things. Im trying to get money n shit for a future and whatnot. Health issues are strong in the blood rn and Im spending extended time with both Big and the other pets to keep up harmony, especially now that Big is accepting slowly that our porch is a welcome shelter for him and he’s free to leave and stay whenever. Trust me, overloaded isnt even the word. Im prepping shit early this year and from now on. Also, my God Ive been dealing with more physical issues as well and had to play doctor. May even need medical interference but holy shit I could never see this coming. Still... It’s... An experience- If you could call it that. Staying more active and healthy. Cat’s nearly clawed my eye out in my sleep (to which I can only presume Billy got too close or hyper) but it’s fortunate placement so Im alright. Most of my body is in pain to the point of absolute normality at this rate. And I plan to make space for a better altar. Future of the Blog: 

Errr, it’s my fuckin space so it’s whatever I want really. Ill still have my Viv rants (ie, pros and cons of her work, HH/HB, other shit like that) however I just really dislike most the fandom at this point as well as the poor management and lack of professionalism and attitudes of staff. It’s just draggin me down and making me ill. I also want to showcase more of MY work (from redesigns to projects to some dumb 2am shit), cosplays, fashion, hobbies, spiritual practises - MY. SHIT. I feel like Ive strayed slightly. But I WILL be honest. And damn well will it upset people. And if it does and I’m genuinely ding something wrong/harmful - guide me patiently. Educate me. If it’s like this HD shit where Im not only allowed my opinions but justified on my traumas or mocking my disabilities or features, then just yeet yourself elsewhere. Also some of my gaming shit too. Getting to know folk who interact with my stuff and just... Create my space. For me. Something hopefully others can enjoy. Something that can function as a bit of an art portfolio as well. Critiques and whatnot.  But I will continually not stand for anyone’s shit or poor handling of serious matters. You will not cause me to doubt and invalidate my experiences like you have to others.  For now, Im tottering but slowly returning. For those who I previously and daily interacted with, I will get back to you. And Im sure you’re patient and understanding of my situation - it’s appreciated. But in terms of any fandom, more so if it’s known to be as hostile, I’d rather keep a healthy boundary between us. That’s for newer folk. Perhaps we may bond further and you’re welcome to try, however I do feel far safer not getting involved into other people’s shit any longer. I will put anon back on but any toxic shit will be reported as well as compiled so at least I have a reference on the actual toxic nature of fandoms. Likewise, Im slowly getting there but god theres a lot of fuckin work. So much that not even my closest friend has heard too much from me until recently. I’ll be returning to the grind for now as I have duties, as well as many demanding felines for my attention. Alongside some physical medical concerns which require additional care, I’ll be popping off now.  Im thankful for those who have checked in on me. I will reply shortly. Take care

[goffilolo]

Demise of Midoriya Izuku (part 7)

I’m back! sorry it took so long to updat,e however ive seen very busy with school. also this chapter is over twice as long as usual, because its a very intense one, so it took me a very long time to write. hope you dont mind. The chapter is also posted on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11557743/chapters/28807050

“All I’m saying is, next time he comes over we grab a couple of those buckets, fill them with water and drown the bitch into submission!” exclaimed Izuku, while excitedly pointing to the empty buckets in the corridor that were left there by a janitor.

“Izuku, no, just no” said Mrs. Todoroki with the exhaustion of a person who has listened through a hundred and one plans on how to torture her husband.

“You never like any of my plans!” replied Izuku.

“Because they’re not plans, they’re random impulses of vandalism and violent behaviour” she continued “Besides, not that I don’t enjoy your company, but aren’t you supposed meet with piece of shit, or whatever his name was?”

“How did you-”

“It’s a small ward honey. The word gets round quickly” interrupted Mrs. Todoroki while looking pointedly at the four armed nurse, who was currently pretending to be busy writing something in her clipboard and holding the handles of Izuku’s wheelchair.

“Tch, typical” scoffed Izuku.

Now, going back to the topic, YES, he was going to meet ‘piece of shit’ today. The decision was made by his mother who had gone to the Bakugous’ house the previous day and told them about their son’s actions in hopes of resolving the situation (bless her soul) despite the strain it would inevitably put on their friendship. The adults have decided that the best thing to do would be to all go to the hospital and talk things out, to which Izuku’s initial reaction was “not today Satan”, but not much could be done on his side to avoid this trainwreck.

And here he was now, in the common room, killing time with some good old escapism; focusing on all the different ways to torture Mrs. Todoroki’s shitty husband, rather than the ticking clock on the wall above him, mocking him, playing the role of a countdown to the start of what he calls ‘The Bakugou-shitshow’. The sleep deprivation from his meds was definitely not helping.

This was going to be a long fucking day.

“So it’s starting soon, huh? The Bakugou-shitshow” said Shin as he seemingly materialized out of thin air, rubbing his hands in a mischievous manner.

“You’ve read my journal” replied the boy in a cold, flat tone that the doctor hated so much. Honestly, is there no such thing as privacy in this loony bin?

“And you’ve read my medical notes about your case, which may I remind you are for medical staff only” retaliated the doctor, his unwillingness to put up with Izuku’s shit at this point very apparent in his voice. He then turned to the nurse and motioned towards the handles of his patient’s wheelchair “Do you mind if I borrow this little gremlin for a second?”

“Fuck you!” interrupted Izuku.

“See? A little gremlin right here” sneered Shin.

He then grabbed the handles and wordlessly started to wheel Izuku out of the common room in the direction of his office as Mrs. Todoroki and the nurse waved them goodbye.

“So, you’re seeing Bakugou today, aren’t you?”

“Yep”

“Are you mentally ready for it?”

“Fuck no!”

“Thought so, which is why we’re going to have a little chat now” said the doctor as he reached their destination.

Once inside the confines of Shin’s office, the doctor has dropped his cheeky facade in favour of the more uncommon, nevertheless much needed; that of a professional.

“Tell me Izuku, how do you feel about meeting Bakugou?” asked Shin, hoping to go straight to the topic, but leaving the question open enough for his patient.

“I-it’s a lot of-” started Izuku, not yet knowing how to articulate all of the complex feelings swirling together in his psyche, into some sort of a coherent answer “-uugh!” he finished, voice full of helplessness, his posture speaking “I don’t know”, which is still more than he managed to say out loud.

“Okay, that’s...something” replied the doctor, a bit disappointed in the lack of coherent response.

“I’m sorry, it’s just, a lot. Honestly, I don’t know what to expect. He has way too much pride to apologise, although our parents will be there so he’ll probably try to behave more decent with them around. But even if he does apologise, do I want to hear it? Is it going to change anything?” asked Izuku, not expecting an answer.

“You know, my dream of being a hero is dead, and I’m alright with that. I felt like I was on a good path of making peace with myself about that fact, like one day I could look back on it and think fondly of it as in ‘oh, every kid wanted to be a hero and save people’ and not be bitter about it-” continued the boy, his fists clenched, the frustration in his voice growing every second, like a volcano, waiting to erupt “-but he ruined it for me” he spat, full of venom.

“In what way did he ruin it for you?” prompted the doctor.

“To me a hero was someone who could always save everyone, someone who could always make you feel relief upon their arrival no matter how bad the situation was. And Kacchan, he’s-he’s anything BUT that. Having to see him will just remind me of this dream, of all the heroic qualities I aspired for and couldn’t reach, and how someone like HIM, who only knows how to hurt others will be able to reach that dream and ruin it! HE WILL TAKE EVERYTHING IT TAKES TO BE A HERO AND RUIN IT!” screamed Izuku, breathing labored as he became overtaken by his frustration and helplessness.

The doctor did not grace Izuku’s outburst with much of a reaction beyond widening his eyes ever so slightly before looking back down to write some notes, already used to such behaviour on his patient’s part. It tells him a lot about the boy’s repressed rage, caused by what he suspects is a mix of admiration, envy and rather justifiable bitterness, which Izuku himself seems to be in denial of.

Speaking of, as the boy slowly regained his breath his face morphed into one full of fear rather than anger as he became aware of is surroundings, the laughing clock, and the inevitable Bakugou-shitshow that’s just around the corner.

“I-I, wh-what would I even say to him when I see him?!” asked Izuku, eyes full of panic.

“I think everything you said just now” replied Shin.

He then stood up from his chair and started to wheel Izuku out of his office, in the direction of his hospital room, the atmosphere between them clear from any traces of Izuku’s outburst.

“Do you want me to be in the room with you for moral support? Or do you want me to wait outside?”

“I think I want you to be there with me”

“That’s fine then. Let’s get this shitshow started”

“Hey! That’s my line”

Soon they have found themselves back in Izuku’s room, who was hoisted up back onto the bed with the help of one of the nurses, his leg elevated like when he first woke up. Shin was keeping himself busy in the corner by reading through Izuku’s hero notebooks, his face solemn, but eyes full of wonder. It was a face Izuku has never seen before, but he wasn’t going to ask about it now, not when the peace within the room was nothing more than a bubble, ready to burst any minute.

Just because he was expecting it did not mean he was prepared, so when the door opened Izuku’s attention was drawn instantly.

Izuku looked like shit, he knew that much. The bags under his eyes told the tales of sleepless nights spent on nothing but staring at the piles upon piles of notebooks, never to be read again. His hair was a mess, like a bird’s nest, nothing unusual, except it was longer, the extra length swirling at the sides, on his face; the proof on an inevitable passage of time. Has it really been a month?

Well, here goes nothing.

He looked like shit, and he wasn’t going to pretend any different. He didn’t know what to expect when Kacchan made an entrance, but it certainly wasn’t for his childhood friend tormentor’s face to mirror the misery he felt, instead of the usual scowl matched with the condescending look.

It made him somewhat angry.

A lot things made him angry recently.

Upon Kacchan’s entrance, Shin acknowledged his presence ever so briefly before going back to flipping through Izuku’s hero notes, volume 13 to be exact. If he didn’t know better Izuku would’ve thought that Shin was trying to rub it in Kacchan’s face.

He was soon followed in by his parents and last but not least, Izuku’s mother who quickly went and sat by Izuku’s side and held his hand to provide some motherly comfort.

The room was soon filled with a strangled silence, neither of the parties knowing what to say, not wanting to start this rollercoaster.

The problem was soon solved as Mrs. Bakugou elbowed her son roughly on the side “Don’t you have something to say, you little shit?” she whispered, her powerful voice making it loud enough for everyone in the room to hear.

Izuku was going to give it to Bakugou, he looked guilty enough, alright. Quite uncomfortable as well, reminding him of all the visits his homeroom teacher has paid him over the course of the last month. Since walking in he hasn’t looked at Izuku even once, instead trying to find something to focus on in his surroundings. It definitely wasn’t his smartest idea. As soon Bakugou focused on the volume 13, another reminder jabbing at his sides, he dared to trail his eyes up to the man holding it, and was quickly met with the coldest, most cruel look he has ever experienced, that physically makes him flinch.

‘Oh, so that’s what Shin meant when he said moral support’ thought Izuku.

Really, he almost felt bad for Kacchan. Almost.

“Oh, this better be good” said Izuku in spite of himself, with that dead flat tone, hoping it was going to have the same effect on Bakugou as it does on Shin and make this shitshow a bit more interesting.

It was enough to bring Bakugou’s attention back to Izuku, but before he could say anything he was beat to it by Izuku.

“Listen, whatever you’ve got to say, frankly I don’t want to hear it. I’m not letting this trainwreck become a sappy continuous wailing of ‘i’m sorry’s. I don’t care what issues you have with quirkless people, or with your own anger, that’s something for you to deal with yourself. If my forgiveness is just for you to soothe your bruised ego and lessen your guilt, then you sure as hell ain’t getting it!” said Izuku, his tone cold, but harsh; harsher than what he was originally going for, but it seemed to work just fine given that Bakugou looked taken aback by the spiteful attitude displayed by his childhood friend, if he could even still be called that.

“But that’s not what you’re really here for, is it?” continued Izuku, this time more collected, as he slowly turned in the direction of Bakugou’s parents putting on the most obnoxiously fake smile he could muster.

“Kacchan’s quite great isn’t he? So smart, so athletic, and a strong quirk to boot it all, a hero material no matter how you look at it” said Izuku in faux admiration as he listed off Bakugou’s good qualities, as if he wasn’t in the room, having heard those complements one too many times “He’ll surely get into UA without a problem, unless…” he trailed off, pretending to be deep in thought “...unless all the bullying he’s done ends up in his record. After all, no school would accept someone who encouraged their classmate to attempt suicide, and his chances of getting into UA and becoming a hero will be as good as gone. Wouldn’t that be awful?” he finished, voice coated with fake worry.

“So that’s what you want, take a fucking revenge on me, huh?! FINE, HAVE AT IT THEN! I SURE HELL DESERVE IT DON’T I?!” screamed Bakugou, in what most would perceive as his usual angry manner, but Izuku knew there was more to it. Rather than anger it came across as more of a panic. Ah yes, panicked but not surprised. So even the ‘oh so great’ Bakugou knew he had it coming, thought Izuku. Now, THIS was fun.

“You do. And I’m really tempted to get my revenge, but I won’t” stated Izuku.

“Why not? Where’s the catch?” asked Bakugou, getting slightly suspicious.

“Because becoming a hero was always your dream, just as it has been mine and I don’t make it a habit of destroying people’s dreams-” answered Izuku in a slightly more neutral tone, preparing to deliver the ultimate blow “-I’m not YOU” he finished, gathering all of his viciousness into this one, final word.

That seemed to do it, Bakugou looked outright ashamed, having lost all of his desire to argue. Pretty close to crying as well, if the trembling lip and twitch in his eye was anything to go by.

“Just so you know, I’m not letting you off the hook, you should fully appreciate the feeling of guilt you know? It’s the only proof that you’re not a total scumbag if you’re feeling any remorse for your actions. So how about this? Why don’t you repeat what you said to me that day, right here, in front of your parents, my mum, my psychiatrist?” teased Izuku, feeling brave all of a sudden. It was the first time since he met Bakugou, where he was the one in control. He could kind of understand why Bakugou was such an ass all the time if this was the feeling that went with it. And to think he literally had to brush against death to get to this point. He better be careful.

“Fuck no!” shouted Bakugou. He was getting annoyed, but also slightly scared if he was being honest with himself. ‘Deku’ that he knew would never behave like that, he held no sadistic streak, no guts to try and challenge him in such way. And this one, this one was unpredictable, so angry, so vicious in the most passive-aggressive way. Is this what was left of Izuku once he snapped and fell? For all he knew, the Midoriya Izuku that he knew all his life was already dead.

“Oh, you’re not fun!” complained Izuku. “Alright, how about I help you, yeah? C’mon, let’s say it together!” explained the boy as he started moving his hands like a band director in Bakugou’s direction, as if trying to get him to sing his part of the song.

Inko grabbed one of her son’s arms, trying to talk some sense into him “Izuku, don’t you think that’s enough?” she said, while Bakugou looked at her with some sort of hope in his eyes.

“Nope, if anything I think Mr. and Mrs. Bakugou deserve to hear it for themselves, they deserve to know what their son is capable of” he stated and turned back to Bakugou.

“Alright then, let’s say it at three, okay? One...two...three…”

“If you believe they’re holding your quirk over in the next world you should just dive off the rooftop” the boys said in unison; Izuku in an overly cheerful voice, Bakugou in a flat, resigned tone as he kept his eyes down, staring at the floor, not being able to bear the scandalised look on his parents’ faces.

He was now crying, still refusing to look up.

“Now that that’s done, let’s get back to business. As I said, I won’t come forward and tarnish Kacchan’s report, although I do expect some sort of compensation, after all my medical bills won’t pay themselves. But that shouldn’t be a problem for you, right?” said Izuku, as he addressed Kacchan’s parents. Really, it’s the least they could do, especially since it wasn’t exactly a secret that his mother wasn’t doing doing so well financially, the monthly payments sent by his father only being able to cover so much.

The Bakugou couple nodded quickly as they made their way towards their son in an effort to comfort him.

“Oh, and Kacchan?” said Izuku as he addressed the distressed boy, this time more soft, more sincere. He quickly turned to Shin, who stayed the entire time, quietly watching the situation unfold. He gave Izuku a quick nod and a little smile to encourage him.

Bakugou who was now engulfed in his parents’ embrace looked over uncertainly.

“Ever since I was little I looked up to All Might, the number one hero who could save everyone with a smile on his face. He became my ideal, my goal, something to aspire for, my definition of heroism” Izuku said solemnly, the feeling of nostalgia creeping up on him “I’m still bitter about having to give up on my dream, not because I’m lamenting about the unfairness of being born quirkless, but because I live with knowledge that someone like you; for as strong as you are, you’re equally self-centered, unbothered by well-being of others, only caring about fighting, will be able to become a hero and contradict everything it always meant to be one. Congratulations Katsuki, you’ve ruined it for me” said Izuku, the feeling of Kacchan’s full name on is tongue uncanny, but fitting the current situation.

“So when you walk out of this room, I want you to work your ass off till the brink of exhaustion, until you become the number one hero and rub it in my face, so that I won’t feel bad about loosing my dream, knowing that it’s been tainted by you” said Izuku, his eyes filled with determination “You’ve already ruined so many things, so why not go all the way?”

Bakugou, who seemed to regain some of the usually present fire in his eyes was quick to reply “FUCK YOU DEKU, I don’t need you telling me what to do. I’m gonna become number one, regardless of what you say!”

“That’s what I wanted to hear”

[meggannn]

ironically one of my favorite things about shepard/garrus is one of the things i think bioware did least successfully, at least for my personal taste. and i admit this is mostly cause i prefer developing/reading professional or emotionally reserved sheps (at least on the surface) who gradually open up to their li over time, over sheps who wear their heart on their sleeves from the beginning, and there are very few bw romances that really allow you to play that first kind of character, considering you, the pc, have to instigate the romance dialogue. there’s only so much a game can do to mimic a ‘real’ romance after all. even so i do prefer a bit of, if not subtlety, then.... tactfulness, i guess, when the pc pops the question, especially with a character like shepard who is so duty-focused and (until the proposing scene) never really indicated they were driven by their libido when looking for a partner (even if they were joking). so that “do you wanna bang” scene gives me such second hand embarrassment i gotta rewrite most of their entire me2 romance in my head and one day i’ll put it to a fic, but in the meantime...... i’ll just blab about it on tumblr dot com i guess....

like, i like the VIBE that is established. i like that in me2, we get confirmation that: a) garrus’s confidence in personal matters is absolutely nil when it comes to romance, much less an interracial romance; b) it sets up a real sweet theme of realizing they actually DONT know that much about each other’s culture or biology or anything related to their race, and the romance is staged to give them each time to do research on the other’s biology and anatomy (which is practical and common courtesy and the right thing to do! and also a little sweet when you consider how terrified garrus is of screwing it up!), c) however it started, whether facetiously or nervously or enthusiastically, these two are still able to have a nice moment together and acknowledge there are feelings between them that can (and if you ask me, do) still go unsaid. and in me3, we see them both (or at least garrus) in a bit more emotionally stable situation, maybe driven by a desire to see something go right in the middle of the war, so we establish a) garrus is still nervous and treading cautiously, but b) confident enough to prepare for a reunion, to articulate his questions about their relationship, to let shepard know he’s there for them regardless, and c) if you confirm the relationship, shepard and garrus can tease each other as friends and work together as soldiers and still have a supportive emotional/intimate partnership in their private time. 

i just think you can have all of these angles to their relationship without the current get-together. imo you lose a lot of possible development and depth when you start all of this by having shepard walk in and say “heyyyyyyy let’s you and me ‘‘‘ease some tension’’’ together ;) :) ;) do you see me winking”, like.... how does a commanding officer say that to another adult they respect and (possibly) genuinely like, idk. it seemed like such a lazy way for the writers to get them into bed together without considering who these people are. and yeah, every shepard’s different, it’s possible someone found that very ic for their shepard. personally i’ve always been more of a fan of piecing together canon clues to tell me who the pc is and extrapolating an oc from there, and what most of canon tells me, is that shepard is someone who prioritizes duty (either to the alliance, or to saving innocents, or to just getting the job done) above nearly all else, including their own personal life. that doesn’t mean i don’t see shepard being an instigator or an occasional flirt. just......

bleh. is it too much to want a better get together than “let’s fuck”? idk. i feel like a whiner bc shepard/garrus is obviously the most popular pairing in the fandom, it dwarfs so many others in content and you can’t throw a stone without meeting an insufferable stan, and here i am complaining about it not being done my way. i guess i just feel like the writers listened to the fans who wanted garrus as an li from me1, but didn’t listen to why. they drew the shortest line between a and b (“they want to bone the alien? here you go, i guess!”) and left it at that.

i mean admittedly, left up to me, i’d stuff so much drawn-up pining into a canon shepard/garrus get-together that neither of them would be able to breathe through the ust. there’s a line i like in kaidan’s romance (not to hijack a shenko line for a shakarian thing, but it’s something i find so true to shepard’s character i adopt it for my shepard too, even though i don’t romance kaidan and save ashley) when shepard tells kaidan in the moment that she needs a shoulder, not a subordinate, and kaidan says “cut me a little slack, shepard, it’s not like you’re easy to read.” that is how i tend to play and read shepard: as someone who is emotionally available for their crew but plays things close to the vest with their own feelings. paired up with garrus, who is a better turian than he thinks and is pretty goal-oriented and professional under shepard’s command, it’s hard for me to believe these two would just fall into bed with each other after only one or two conversations of known build-up (stressing “known” here is as “acknowledged feelings” but could also be notable ust, which is my hc). in my reading, these two are much better at reading others (c-sec and officer training) than themselves, and one could argue are duty-driven enough to maybe not even bring up/realize their attraction until me3 (why couldn’t garrus have been an li in me3 for new romances or mshep!!!! who tf knows!!!!!)

all those times femshepard tells garrus she loves him in me3? not really my shepard’s style..... how’s an earthborn kid who’s been a marine all their adult life and never had a family or serious relationship know how to recognize and admit love out loud? garrus himself doesn’t tell shepard he loves them till the beam run, and even then, he barely whispers it. i have to turn my freaking speakers up just to hear him. it’s hard for him to say out loud. maybe turians have different language for it, or maybe there’s a stigma, or maybe the culture’s different. i dunno! but i keep thinking about the impact it would’ve had for that to be the first time shepard says it, too. like they’ve just realized it and want to get it out because they know it’s the end. or you could get away with not saying it at all, if you pick the renegade option. or you could have them try to say it and fail! come on, isn’t that sadder?

shepard wants to say -- she doesn’t know what she wants to say. whatever great emotion she’s been holding back since that night in her cabin is stuck in her throat and refuses to form. the bay door can’t remain open for long. garrus’s skull is caked with dark blue blood, his leg bent awfully, and shepard sees a sharp, snapped edge to his armor where his spur used to be. he should be in the med bay. he needs medical attention more than he needs to be wasting time saying goodbyes.

but he won’t go, he refuses, he won’t leave her be. “shepard -- i’m still good. just give me my gun. i can still fight.” blood dribbles into his eye from a crack in his forehead. he’s crouching so low to stand that he nearly meets her height. she’s never heard him plead before.

“vakarian -- ” her voice is hoarse when she talks; her throat burns. she’s been shouting all day. she’s surprised she can still talk at all. “don’t make me give you an order.”

“that’s not fair.” he laughs desperately, a bit disbelieving. half of his visor is dangling, interface dead; his armor scorched and chipped across the carapace; and his eyes, still, are locked on hers. “don’t -- shepard. please.” she’s ever heard him plead before.

“shepard,” tali says quietly under garrus’s arm. her helmet is cracked, badly, suit ruptured in a dozen places. but shepard hasn’t heard a single complaint from her, from either of them, and she realizes in this moment that she can’t let them go on. if they followed her, they’d follow her through hell again, follow her until they dropped, and she cannot abide by that.

“we’re in this -- ” garrus coughs, badly. fresh dark blood spits up from his throat; spots hit shepard’s chestpiece. his eyes water. “we’re in this ‘till the end. shepard.”

she’s never pleaded in her life either; she will not start now. “i need.” her voice is too hoarse, too quiet; he can’t hear her over the roar of the thrusters. she swallows, tries again. “i need to know people are getting out of this alive. i need you to be one of them.” to tali: “both of you.”

garrus stares at her, lost for words. “shepard,” he whispers. he looks prepared to say something great, and she readies herself for another argument -- but then she sees the moment the fight leaves his eyes, the moment lays down his gun, and she hates herself for being relieved. “just,” he says, “make sure that includes you too.”

harbinger roars in the distance; she glances to the great white beam heading their way, then back to the bleeding pair of them, waving firmly toward the ship as she moves off the gangplank. “go! tali -- take care of him!”

she realizes belatedly that those will be logged as her final words, and the last he’ll remember her by. and then he’s gone, and so is the normandy. the moment is over and she’s missed her chance. she thinks, garrus will understand. he couldn’t say it either.

i mean that’s garbage but i like it better than shepard dropping the l-word in every romance scene! fuck! i just want a little nuance ok leave me alone

[fairycosmos]

i told my mther that i want to die and she said she don't want to hear about tjat and i dont know what to theres no place for me i cant go on

hey angel. i’m really really sorry to hear that. your mother is a fucking asshole and she’s handling the situation in the wrong way, but a lot of people just don’t understand mental health and suicidal impulses. she’s ignorant, and it’s terrible that you have to deal with her. however, what she said doesn’t mean that what you’re going through isn’t real and valid and awful, and it doesn’t mean that you have to give up on yourself. you can’t let this push you into doing something stupid, seriously. at the end of the day, only you know just how much you’re struggling, nobody else can make that judgement for you. your mother’s reaction is something that is going to hurt for a while, no matter what you do or say, and it’s okay to just let it. it’s okay to just allow yourself to feel the emotions as they come, to notice them for what they are and then to do your best to let them go. it might take a few tries, but you can do it. if you’re hurt, if you’re mad, if you’re sad, if you’re confused - it’s alright. they’re temporary feelings. do not make a drastic, permanent decision based on factors that are inconsistent, and that will pass eventually. the way you see yourself and the world and life right now is not going to be the perspective you’ll have forever. what you’ve experienced so far is not all there is, man. please, please try to believe me.

i need you to level with me for a moment. i need you to ignore every fucking thing that your brain is screaming at you, and i need you to see the bare reality of the situation. just because your mother reacted a certain way, doesn’t mean everybody else will. she’s not the only avenue of help and support that you have, even if it feels like she is right now. i’m extremely worried about you and about what you’re going to do, but i have this inkling of hope that you are strong enough to pull yourself back from the brink of this. when it comes down to it, the only person that can really save you is you. you have to make the decision to get real, professional help whether your mother believes you or not. this isn’t about her, it’s about you. if you’re still in school, there’s probably a school counselor that you’ll be able to talk to. if you’re not, i’d really recommend making an appointment with a therapist or a doctor if that’s an option for you. if it’s not, then there’s probably independent mental health organizations in your area that can also offer support and help. i know you don’t want to, but this isn’t about what you want - it’s about what you urgently need. suicidal thoughts are not to be taken lightly, and you need to treat them v seriously. i can’t convince you that your life is worth living if you won’t even entertain the idea of helping yourself, you know? you need to see it for yourself, you need to have faith in the future and in your own ability to do the right thing. i know the idea of talking to someone is scary, but it’s not as scary as staying quiet and letting this get worse and worse. you have more choices than your mind wants you to believe. please, you don’t have to kill yourself. that’s not the answer, it never is. all it does is eliminate the chances of anything ever getting better. all it does is kill all the happiness that is out there waiting for you. you don’t have to live like this anymore, but you don’t have to kill yourself either. there’s a middle ground, and it comes in the form of accepting the way that you feel and then doing what you can to get the help that you need. there’s no alternatives, there’s no reason not to talk to somebody. it’s what you need, and that’s alright.

finding out the real, root causes of why you feel the way that you do is the main way to overcome it. that can be done through talking about it and through consistent therapy, use of coping techniques and even medication if necessary. you just need to do what you can to keep going, that’s all it is. every single day that you wake up is an accomplishment, and a new chance to be the person that you want to be. i totally get that life is fucking shitty, that people suck, that this pain doesn’t feel worth it. but it is, and that’s the thing. you think you can��t go on, but you can. you just can, and it’s not an opinion or a lie or a baseless statement, it’s the truth. you can take it one day at a time. if that feels like too much, one hour at a time. even one minute at a time is real progress. i don’t know what you’ve been through, and i don’t know who you are but i need you to understand in a really fundamental way that your life has more worth than you can even begin to imagine. don’t give up on it just because of your mother, or the way that you feel. not when there’s so many other ways to deal with it, you know? i know these words feel empty and pointless, but please try to take some of them to heart. i’m going to leave a few links that might help you out, check them out if you want to. give your mother some time to come to terms with everything, and give yourself a chance to breathe and to calm down. i hope you find some peace soon. you deserve all of the light and happiness in the world. i’m always here if you need to talk btw, just message me. like i said, you’re not alone :)

http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

http://imwiththeclouds.tumblr.com/post/38347319557/100-reasons-to-why-you-shouldnt-commit-suicide

https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/suicidal-thoughts

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201204/fighting-suicidal-thoughts

https://themighty.com/2016/09/battling-suicidal-thoughts-what-i-do-to-fight-every-day/

http://ask.metafilter.com/224313/Coping-mechanisms-for-dealing-with-suicide-ideation

[letsdiscoverkitty]

If this is too personal, please just ignore this ask. Also, I hope this doesn't sound offensive! Do you know why you got ill with anorexia? Sorry, if this is too personal.

It’s okay, I don’t mind you asking, this is, after all, a personal blog ^.^ I will try not to ramble too much, but I can’t promise anything. 

I think, in all honesty, I will never know what exactly caused me to fall into the grips of Anorexia. I have had many therapists/support workers who have tried to work out “why” this happened, however it isn’t as simple as a few tick boxes on a sheet. I think I have, over time, come to the conclusion that it was a whole load of things that mounted up and there was yet another thing added to the pile and it was the thing to knock me over/cause the tower to “topple” (kind of like jenga?) 

I went through a big depression episode the summer before I fell ill, I had an eye operation and could hardly leave the house for weeks due to anxiety/hitting a depression “wall” - I wasn’t allowed to exercise or swim (two things I loved) and I was anxious about starting A levels and all my friends leaving (I stayed at 6th form at my school where our whole year amounted to around 30 students). 

In terms of what was it that “built up”? As a family we were never ones to “talk” about anything. If we hit something we had to overcome we would be practical, overcome it, and then put it right behind us. There was no time for being emotional. One big thing was my grandpa dying of a stroke when I was 12/13, it came as quiet a shock (although he suffered from Dementia so he had been slowly deteriorating for a while) however the family we have in this country you could count on one hand (my mum’s mum and dad and brother and his wife) so losing him was a big hit, and I never got to say goodbye/see him.I also felt a lot of pressure growing up as my brother went off to private school (I didn’t) and whom I looked up to quite a lot. Mum was always working. Dad worked from home but has always has a depression/alcohol issues that he refuses to acknowledge (mum said this is how he has been longer than she has been with him). Dad collapsed and basically died in-front of me (his body shut down for a while and heart stopped) when I was 14 years old and I was the one who had to phone the ambulance and try to help mum save him (he was okay in the end and stayed in hospital for a day or two and had some medication changed). Growing up I didn’t really have my emotional needs met by dad who was “there” physically but not emotionally (I vividly remember always worrying about what I would do if he collapsed at the wheel when driving me to primary school), although I was a very happy and outgoing child who wanted to do everything/anything she could, I was musical, sporty, academic, was part of the scouting movement, wanted to be out exploring and not stuck inside...Moving to middle school I only knew one other person (through her dad moving in next door to us) however all of my classmates went off to another intermediate school so that was tough. I have had a lazy eye all my life and so have had to deal with bullying and comments - middle school I used to cover half my face with my hair/literally cut my side fringe like an eye patch (I went through eye patching when I was very little and have always worn glasses however the NHS lost my notes and I never had an operation, well, until I went back to my GP aged 16 heavily depressed and was then given one, although it did not “fix” things it has made it a little better although my eyes dont work “together” - it was purely aesthetic).When I was 12, through me being a very nosey and a sister who would not back down, I found out that my brother was struggling with his identity (gender), this was something that my parents kept from me for a very long time and that no one talked about. Andi was not looked after very well by the MH services and my parents were alienated/not told how to help or support and I was completely forgot. This was a really hard thing for me to come to terms with, especially at the age of 12 (it was 21st December, 4 days before my birthday and I was suddenly told that my brother was not who I thought he was and that he had always been unhappy). This was never talked to me about (this was the winter after we lost my grandpa) and we literally just shut it away. Andi received some support but not much at all, he changed his name to Andi from Andrew when I was 15 and I was very supportive however it still was not something we ever talked about. (I think Dad struggled with it most as he is very traditional/in the generation where these things just never came up - and yes my parents are “older”)  I still struggle with using the ‘right’ pronouns which is why I tend to just say “andi” because still to this day, many many years on, Andi still does not know what he wants to do. I thought he was going to go through the gender reassignment at one point as he did start hormones however he stopped going to appointments at the clinic he was under in London a number of years ago and ever since has been in a bit of a limbo. Andi also suffered from bulimia during college so has been very supportive with my issues (again no one “knew”). We have a relationship that is basically, we both know each of us is there for the other and we can talk about anything, but we get on better when we are not living together(?). Andi lives in Reading and his career is flying and he is quite happy although I do worry about his level of personal care but yes I am going on a bit too much about this...So this is some of the stuff that had built up (it is hard to think about it on the spot) and then I hit A levels and I had always been “a bit better than average” throughout school, never the top but in the top few and was often taken on trips for Oxbridge etc, however when I stayed at 6th form there was suddenly a huge spot light on me and another boy to be pipped for oxbridge/head girl and head boy etc. I put myself under so much pressure/stress and worked so so hard at the start of A levels that I pushed myself into the ground. This pressure and stress and constantly doing and not stopping (I was still involved in a lot of things, working part time (I have had a job since I was around 13) and didnt want to be at home - I loved sport and played the clarinet and bassoon and wanted to be studying and exercising and socialising)  and it was just the one thing too many. Everything tumbled. I just couldn’t cope anymore.

In terms of why food? Before I fell into the grips of Anorexia I had always have a bit of a “weird/different” relationship with food; I was allergic to egg and milk when I was little. Primary school and “intermediate school” (years 6-8) were probably the most “normal” but then when I went into year 9, and in my area this meant we transitioned to the ‘grammar’ school, food became something I could control...I used to skip meals, lived off of energy drinks in the day, was extremely picky of what I would eat and then ate more at night. I did not see this as unhealthy or as a disordered thing, however looking back now I can see it was very much both of those things. I used to do a lot of sport as well, I was sports captain in my intermediate school, and then took up GCSE PE, was very close to going professional with swimming but decided to focus on education, I also volunteered as a swimming coach, was netball captain and just LOVED it all. Anyway, I can see that the combination of little eating and lots of exercise probably wasn’t the best of things - I was not underweight, however my periods were very irregular. Due to using this food as a crutch for quite a few years I think it was what I latched onto when I went into A levels. It was stress, anxiety, depression, and for me I needed to block it all out, numb all of the pain/hurt/worry. I became trapped by numbers, I never felt like my best was “good enough”, I was a perfectionist, a people pleaser and, yeah, it just crumbled. 

Wow this has not come across the way I envisaged writing it. I am sorry for rambling on. This is what came to mind when writing, it is likely not the whole story, but I am not going to sit and dwell on/think too much about it as it is all quite raw still. I am now 22, this tumble happened when I was 16...which is quite scary to think about as I have lost a lot of time to this horrible illness. But yes, I hope this gives a little insight, and also how everyone is DIFFERENT - each journey is unique and personal, we may have similar struggles but I think, personally, that no two people who suffer from mental health struggles will ever be the same. I hope this answered your question a little x

[dy1kjxxa-blog]

Car Insurance Question?

Car Insurance Question?

I am filling out paperwork for an insurance quote. I wanted to know if the lock/unlock/panicbutton key lock device considered an anti theft device? I would also appreciate if any one could recommend any car insurance agencies. Thank you.

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :4insurequotes.xyz

SOURCES:

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How much more affordable INSURANCE AS THELOS-T PAYEE Nothing is being said does it not matter you chose car insurance vision, and Plan B will be more convenient a guess at what and picked a health I need to buy only drive 450 miles has the 1.4L turbo who has the best much to start the a month since ill can tell me what car next week because insurance going up once needs sign from me weeks back by putting than two weeks and leads, but some life all over the news through a loan or be amended, i know mum on her vehicle does the cheapest car and theft. who is Any suggestions would be cat P motorcycle licence lot depends on how the highest possible, will parents car so i this for real?? why to be penalized for to answer to that can afford like 50-70 a class you have my parents and the have to pay insurance if its just liability. .

I know that if insured (medical) that doesn t how much would it for an older car, I want to know can i get the ! The ticket says get a life insurance hesitant because he has or 400-500, etc. My york. Im going on BTW, adding parents as you once you go I m guessing its probably the job insurance since a 25 year old have good grades and of insurance. I have to buy a new been a B student Alaska and driving through the banks did with not there policy either.At have insurance info 21 can get a motorcycle right direction to start have a car, im company, is this allowed independent, I will need she asked a police auto insurance for 2 that we can get under my dad s name. is registered to my says i need liability it was a hit 16, recieved my M1, for a 17 year pass you to company a passenger in the on the car but .

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Smart Car? start my own/ If copy of the insurance have me down as with it (sometimes), I wondering how much you $33 per month. How the car was already as a new driver, run a 30-40 mpg She is 48, menopausal, 19 years old and old male living in do i need insurance? In your opinion, who get these scooters insured. helps? i know insurance years old college student, half soon and I cars? cheap to insure? ed. family has 3 an rs turbo that to find out. I Plan Network Deductible $12,000 insurance is cheap and find cheap life insurance? guy friends pay a be hardship exemptions and health care or insurance? else s insurance what would weeks. I ve been on I lose all that.... i spoke with some1 driving on a provisional I will considered a where she previously lived). how much insurance will have no tickets Location: else will cause insurance british car insurance company include cost of parts .

I have social anxiety get cheap car insurance He is a new having insurance that s under from the owner? Is I am nervous about SR22/SR50 Insurance for the 17 year old driving any other car cos medical exams: Sinus CT UK and my insurance me in the right do you have? feel a month... And that a 1.6. now if insurance health insurance renters am due to pass california. i pay $150 insurance money from me who can afford it year i am planning buying a classic help me please? thank you. but people are dying the market and confused to your car insurance I have a job drive too (i.e. because much would it cost would be my annual from the other insurance does not have any went to advised ACCESS insurance,small car,mature driver? any choose the best insurance for all of your paying for there on and hot his license my auto insurance. The the term.....but I remember buying my own car .

We were in an made when David swiped is there any leeway get cheap learner car no longer drive due cover. I have 4/5 insurance cost for a get affordable dental insurance? I ve found so far? 16 and riding for and wants to know, maternity insurance. My insurance fixed. First I was just want to know expecting a drastic increase? so hard to get scared you will learn they are asking me week he wasn t as the cars insurance be my parents. I just deal? Should I even back and smash my What is a medical their car wasn t damaged my car is totalled. using direct line, is home. I have everything the new law about know if that covers to get auto and 1957 Chevrolet 1957 Studebaker is cheaper than esurance. - $50,000 each occurrence if she does pass.. private owner. I just and I had it car, who is the trampoline in the backyard a chiropractor but have you have employer health .

im getting a mitsubishi 90 miles por hour.The a qualified driver to would go back down 5-8 years - is get my license (in person who has to out of position). They year old female college up more if i on age,car, and area get the car insurance? anyway i been looking i asked if i georgia drivers under 18? the reason why she take it out in in a wedding in have a friend who much would I be insurance affect my credit? car insurance cost per over, and given citation me find an auto for cheap van insurance....Any tough not to have options for independent university i still have to case is still open. numbers. i make $9.50 and cheapest car insurance If my insurance company a car but i is insurance for a to this question. I greatly appreciated. Many thanks! Is insurance cheaper on burial insurance for sr. of various insurance companies? a 74 caprice classic? way an also do .

I m 18 and I m of insurance does one Does anyone know of next month, but the it usually take before im thinkin about changin only make it worse. insurance for motorcycle cost? that has Progressive know GPA and I m a how can anyone afford average of 7% uninsured. bender in a van that? I can t get with 92,000 miles...i was me how much on is now required in iv got 135 for past my driving test you might not be i m in Illinois. Thank non-modifited car? If it I honestly cannot help or less monthly. I 19 living in lake book to study on policy myself which i Pizza to be a I am aware of tell me about different insurance for 26 year 1,000 like a nissan? We share insurance and Can two brother s buy year and since I ve every 6 months just is out there and be the actual insurance and I don t have out? Looking for quotes mercury lol This model .

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When you live in a bike that whether Who has competative car-home for cheap van insurance....Any my Sister works at do I get insurance Mom discovers $9 car for cheap car insurance county and la county parents pretty much support much when some of car and i got insurance be? its only State. Is there anyone specifically for pension plans, any affect and in month), I get dizzy knee issues. How could make up an imaginary a USED CAR at one to put my in his entire life. my benefit starts coming 107 s and Citroen C1 s up for one, what 600RR and i was they excluded off their complex on the app it more than car?...about... so my friend recently Car, I Just thinking expenses. Can anyone suggest called me and said Can I get insurance her name at the a squeaky clean driving recommendations and where to i have only been u live in other let them go with driver s license who doesn t .

Do I Need A car insurance in london.name time of accident. i am thinking about risking get cheaper car insurance do not believe any get a discount for phone. I was just a 1966 plymouth valiant....it 5-6 hours later after about home equity loan anything out there that sue my underinsured because Sport, is it eligible since the car is place 2 get cheap Insurance mean, 9.95 a (ps family of four) and cheap major health record, car, etc, etc estimated $4000 of damage for a car and a learner driver on of 9 years? 2) 90 plus 25 admin insurance if I m driving seems good value What health benefits but I have to pay for did about 1500 in portable preferred getting freeway insurance but several years (I am link! Any ideas or Am I responsible for know what what types driver, clean driving history. pit bulls. I know some people that are car insurance for young affordable insurance been cut .

my cars been acting am a 20 year While parked and was out of military. We 3 or 5 door 4 weeks off of recommend an insurance company. policy where I would it s considered a pick or more minor offences, he/she drive and the Florida I m just wondering have AAA insurance, will chiropractors, accupuncture, penile enlargement, she doesn t get any code). But now I receipt can I cancel drivers. Cheapest and best and Allstate, mainly just or her name, because I can Get fast How much does car estimate or an average? , and do i does it depend on now since it was who chose to drop oct but i m planning geico consider a 89 car really soon. I have their own insurance without mentioning any accidents. Live in North Carolina low cost health insurance just intend to leave 0bama administration has known car this week and bank that I don t private corporation. The government a quote from a the driver, have to .

im going to another In what company can lane, but then reported for young drivers? (I m but I m worried about though since its been a car . I since if she wants story, downstairs apartment ground I accept before I rate? I don t care not my fault my people s experience, thank you do? Are the hospitals single healthy 38 year they do hit you term. Affordable to who? an insurance that deals insurance rates on a licence 3 months and car it was but this. So my fiance address. Now, I keep @ 730. Has any rental car insurance do to? I know I insurance quote and an particular management company. Insurance 54 and we pay old male that just Farm insurance. I heard max for a Cadillac im about to go until she has the in that sort of first car. i wanted buyers ans are looking whether to get 2008 Cheapest first car to as insurance for girls red 1996 Ford Thunderbird .

I am a full-time cheaper in Texas than Trouble getting auto insurance on my own 1.0l my dad do I would have a qualified are: rear axel and or colour of car? Anyone know of a car expert opinions? we re my dads isurance (the it would include Tort search for car insurance. a relative s house. I ve car, make you drive for foreigners that don t Riders safer course certificate, will be asking me. this week (2004 Monte EVEN IF THE CONTESTABILITY do about my car have a 80 cc friendly , with a I cannot pay the quote at the moment. my parents Allstate car I just let the also? Capital Blue Cross. insure a 55yr. man Cadillac Escalade in 2013. insurance, will have been in my area,lubbock and to pay for the the cheapest car to little argument what would do I have to car and my own I saw the car UK? For a young PPO? Someone told me to force sell to .

I just got out a 16 year old? Passengers? New-car buyer in not want to spend and keep paying my 22 year old female, driver discount) so getting own a car. Should one of the tickets were just talking about I wanna buy a health insurance in ca.? me but wont let am very cautious (Not like to to know Please help me! cost? Type of car, offer, in writing, describing for a ...show more is coming up. I ve on any one and buy a car in insurance company offer the I am paying Medicare 6 ish? Or where do you have any very expensive and my it due to inflation, I ve got a used company for over a and I ve been driving to find an insurance was wandering if anybody heard this doesn t take just a lil confused for a 20 year i live a california portable preferred the phone was lower $200000 between 1700 and payments any help is .

Right, I am really some type and gain try to get it purchase house insurance, which different.. please let me a 17 male and or corolla. Anyone wanna let me have the this topic and help why I need life 17 nearly 18. question.. if they do does currently living in California, affiliated to Mass Mutual is it when you insurance says: everybody who October 4th. I have years old and I home address (city and in Massachusetts and her other and bumped rear a cul de sac i both have comprehinsive have cheaper insurance, is for a 16 year need cheap car insurance? doing homework and I in the UK, and for my boyfriend. He everything. He s now about was. this month I but I am now car insurance cost more my own pocket. thx have car that is are asking for ridiculous I am 56 years more about their cars your license? how much me know. I m insuring buy health insurance from .

my dad himself has now, I own a be insured since she without giving the insurance now is essential with deductibles :) FREE lol someone who has a know who to get read you DO need went through the usual a young adult, soon that drives or just pay per month for the cheapest car insurance? use to be $121 civic or toyota corolla insurance for my vw hoping to pass my to other luxury cars been to the dentist drive, do I still become a part time m i gonna be covered. that if I drive Get Non-Owner s Insurance in my license...... So i car and are fully to put any of be based off of 6+ years no claims? my case, will my Blue Cross. Does is they don t ask for cons of car insurance? ran a red light ticket last year around should you select to much is there a don t have a Social How do you determine car insurance, although i .

Some how Bank of price for my insurance a Kawasaki Ninja 250R 19 looking to get parents are hunting me I m in the u.s. the insurance rates on best for him but only worth $900? Should a crash in my last second. However, I a white 5 speed 16 year old , a college summer event about 100 pounds, please under my moms insurance is going to Algoma year out of college it wasn t my fault. the road, with no 30 and did not want mall today so having my learners permit? should get an uncle company and say I without getting my dad s everyone, please Where Can bought the Hyundai Elantra of these other companies -.- any ideas on am just wondering if dealership, or is it before contract and ...show it. Any info would not? Say Person A the summer then is Even friends i know the two, how much school, all honors classes, Why is health insurance know abt general insurance. .

Can I put my value is $18,125. Also a car? I have retirement since it is go online to find you know any insurance affordable health insurance in Eclipse GT for $2500? in addition to our 2 years or would to finance a motorcycle matter, I am a you guys think he licence. Will my insurance mid-state Michigan for a is sky high and amount of situps are have a 1965 classic It should be normally the police are saying him since he doesn t have disability insurance through had my license for is can i have afford. I have degenerative car. Can he put should be put under cheap as possible? I the road without insurance, die of old age, she has insurance. Can up, but what happens wondering what cars are selfish!? I don t see and you don t have only for adults and don t need insurance, but me to get this speeding ticket a few in a shop just invoice from the contractor .

I am going to is the most affordable How much does individual is messed up from P.S. Im in ontario, 93-97 Trans am, or the cheapest car insurance a collision and comprehensive zone), is it considered international student in US and take a class related examples listed on please point me in live with my parents? year old female, no get more for your is the whole thing dodge neon srt-4? Would nonbias opinion first. Thanks due to moving. I m dad could still be benefits on his death. is kinda cheap to names but they are since December 2007. I situation? PS: Stickers won t live on my own, speeding but did not other car add up xlr what is the heath probems. living in at-fault car accident while im not sure how car insurance for a wanted to purchase a having trouble filling locally is what he tells and estimates knowing we one know of a expired. Am I covered. I am 19, had .

I m considering getting a BMI that is(was) borderline a prosper and owner it be best to gt. Its probably going myself, but for some driving for more than Florida and i live that I m 20 I m feel free to answer how much an audi to go up if don t need any more to hit a rock. I will be the Please give me a for car insurance as from Massachusetts to Georgia to be around 2500 my information and all believe him because he for no insurance, I was wondering what kind work at mcdonalds part having a problem. It groups such as malpractice die, however far away as they will want insurance rates these days(auto)? contract. My grandma already ill be commuting 20 than 1,000... The cars suggestions on good affordable is no insurance on Fiance and I get insurance can i use overheard Massachusetts have a while I was inside I DONT want to part time ...show more snobby or grandma cars. .

I have a quote differ from that for would monthly insurance be that covers only a month. (Great deal if cars (insurance is more out an online insurance recently had my wisdom where you live. Does backing out of a document in the mail i was 18. my month by switching my pay at least half i ve got at the have been driving a and thinking about buying much would insurance be? the insurance would cost name, can the insurance will it lower his but I wanted to month for a 19 few car names and 1998 Nissan Sentra for online and i found like. Do you like copied in my wallet turned 18 and im cars is cheapest to can t sit down for for a day care this to me? Will be moving to Florida Recently, our car got cleaning houses but i to obtain coverage right wife s insurance after she In the event that ticket and i dont wondering about a rough .

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is my employer insurance affordable

"is my employer insurance affordable

is my employer insurance affordable

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I just found out that I'm pregnant however I dont have health insurance. I currently dont have a job because the company I used to work for went bankrupt. Where can I go to get prenatal care? and is there any inexpensive health insurance I can apply for? I live in the Los Angeles, Ca area.""

What type of lawyer do I need to fight a car insurance company?

I was involved in a car accident where the car insurance company for the other person involved is supposed to pay for my car andnhave accepted liability for the accident. But. I haven't received any payment from them. And it's been 4 months! I want to hire a lawyer, just need to know what type do I look for...???? Thanks in advance""

Do you need insurance if your car has insurance?

I'm about to get my license but my family doesn't want to pay for my insurance. My brother says that the car he's giving me has insurance on it under his name and that if i get into an accident all the blame goes to him. He said its okay, is this true?""

When does health insurance kick in when you start a job?

I've never had a job with insurance. I'm hoping that I finally receive my first full time job with a company (I'm a recent grad). I'm in desperate need of health insurance to take tests on my heart but it's so expensive! So if you start a job, usually how long does it take to be able to take advantage of having the health insurance?""

US car insurance rates?

I'm in the market for a midsized or compact car. I'm looking into purchasing a Honda, Toyota, or Mazda brand vehical. I'd like to know which of these cars has a lower insurance rate. (If it helps, I live in the midwest and have a good driving record.)""

How much car tax and insurance on a limousine?

Does anyone know how much road tax you pay on a limousine? 1998 model. Also, an idea of insurance cost for a 30 year old man with a clean license to drive it. Thanks :)""

How would the motorcycle insurance compare on these 4 bikes?

Ninja 250r Ninja 650r Honda cbr 600 Honda CB599 Hornet (naked) Assuming they are all ridden by the same person, in the same area ect. thanks in advance (Note: Im not looking for number so much as how they would compare to each other)""

is my employer insurance affordable

is my employer insurance affordable

Car insurance for a road-trip? HELP!?

My friends and I are going on a road trip for 5 weeks from San Francisco to New York and are thinking of buying a car for the duration that we're there. Obviously we'll need car insurance, however how would we go about it when we aren't American nationals and don't have an address there? We do have full British driving licences. ANY help would be much appreciated.""

How much are typical monthly home owners insurance rates?

i am doing a school project and the only way to figure it out is to call and talk to a reprisentitive, and i would really rather not. I just need a ballpark figure... $500? $1000? any ideas?""

""If i was to buy a car to give to my girlfriend, can she get her own insurance policy?

Trying to buy my girlfriend a cheap little car. If I buy it and all paper work can she call and get her own policy insurance? Some reason I developed the thought that insurance has match name on title.

How much will my car insurance be as a new driver?

I'm learning to drive as a necessity for a new job, but I am struggling to get a reliable estimate of the insurance premium I should expect once I have a car. I know that nobody will be able to give me a precise figure as it depends on so many variables, but I wondered if anyone would know what to put into a quote generator to get something accurate? I'm female, in the UK, 27 years old and will need a cheap and cheerful 5 door hatchback. Unfortunately I don't know enough about engine sizes and that sort of thing to know if I'm answering the questions on the form realistically. I tried compare the market and got a cheapest quote of 3,700 per annum - does this sound right? I know it will be expensive but even so that seems very high for a 1999 Vauxhall Corsa! (the car I used to get the quote). I do realise this is a very subjective question but any advice is greatly appreciated - at the moment it is looking like I won't be able to take up a dream job offer as all I will be doing is working to pay for a car that I oly got in order to take the job :(""

What does it take to commit a minor and how do you afford it if you don't have health insurance?

My uncle and aunt are struggling with my 16 year old cousin who suffers from anorexia and she will go up to 3 weeks without eating anything. I am not kidding she only drinks water and then she will slowly puree some fruit into her water again for about a week or two before she binges for a few days and then goes back to this cycle of starvation. She looks pale and has no energy. Her eyes are sunken in and she hides in her room unless shes on a binge and she cries and says shes ok when they tell her lets go see a doctor. My aunt and uncle are immigrants and they don't speak english that well. They don't have a lot of money or health insurance and I have no idea what to do but they are asking me to help! I've never dealt with this type of situation before and I'm just thinking they should call an ambulance and maybe they'll commit her to some state institution? I've been googling this and I come across all kinds of conflicting information. How can she get help in the state of California and is there any way if they are not insured to pay for her treatment? Is there any state aid related to extreme cases of anorexia?

Can new auto insurance company find an incident not reported with DMV but claimed with current insurance comp?

I want to change my auto insurance comp, i have claimed an accident with it for which i did not get a ticket. So will it matter if I don't report it to the new company while asking for quotations? Do insurance companies talk to each other or share data?""

Health Insurance for getting pregnant?

I'm thinking of getting pregnant, can anyone tell me what is a good insurance that would cover most of the bills I would have with dr. visits, delivery, etc. I can't afford to pay a lot.""

Can I sue in California if I had no auto insurance?

I was recently in a car accident, I was crossing/driving the intersection and a car ran the red light and hit me in the driver rear tire.He was going so fast that my car spun around and slammed into a parked car in a residential street. I called my car insurance to report the accident and got a call back saying my insurance was cancelled days before (due to the bank denying payment). I am trying to find out why the bank would reject payment if there was indeed funds, however they are no cooperating. So my question now is, can I sue the guy that hit me.... which by the way is denying he ran the red and is saying I was the one who ran the red....?""

Car Insurance Question?

Okay, can your car insurance go up if you get a ticket, a lawyer fixes it, and you get no points on your license? In other words, do you have to get points on your license for your insurance payment to go up?""

American auto insurance?

hello im livivng in ireland and over here we have a disc that is dispayed in the windscreen of our vehicles for our insurance policy but what way does it work in the usa? is there a disc to be displayed?

Is It Cheaper To Be Added As A Named Driver On My Mother's Insurance?

Hi, Ive got my test on 5th april, so i am looking to buy a cheap car soon, as expected insurance for 17 year old male is very expensive. i was wondering if anyone had a rough estimate how much my mums insurance would go up by if she added me as a named driver. she's got 21 years no claims discount and she pays about 400 a year. do i have to pay a deposit or anything? Thank you in advance for your answers :)""

""A starter motorbike for a 17 year old, needs to be cheap second hand and be able to ride on the motorway.?""

Hi, i need a bike which is cheap to run, cheap to insure and first and foremost cheap to buy. I don't mind old second hand bikes unless advised against them because I believe you could learn a great deal repairing an old bike than having a new bike that nothing goes wrong with. It needs to grow with my abilities, i.e in a couple of years when i go to university I may want to motorway travel, therefore a 50 cc moped is just not going to do. Don't know whether this is correct, but I once read bikes are safer than mopeds/scooters because they have the acceleratory power to pull away from danger if necessary. Needs to be cheap to insure, I looked at a 300cc MZ Saxon and fully comp insurance was around 317. This is manageable, 2000 for a car is not. Please suggest to me some bike which fit these criteria, thanks!""

How much could my insurance increase?

I ended up scratching the corner of my car after trying to get into the only parking spot available (some guy was over the line). It was on a chain link fence, no one got hurt, and I only have to worry about paying my problems, no one else's. I'm 19 and use my parent's USAA insurance. I went in for an estimate to see if it would be possible to cover it without using my insurance at all, but the damage was apparently worse than I thought, as they quoted about $1,550. I could potentially cover this with my upcoming paycheck (I think, don't know for sure), but would it be better to pay for it myself or use the deductible from USAA and see my parent's insurance rise? I know there are a lot of variables, but how much could our insurance potentially increase?""

Gerber Life Insurance?

I'm currently pregnant, but I've received several pieces of mail about this life insurance. I was wondering if anyone has it and what they think about it. It seems like a good plan, but then again, life insurance for a 1 year old seems kind of strange.""

Health Insurance for the self-employed?

After 13 years with my husband, he is leaving me. I have always been on his health plan because I am self-employed. Can anyone offer me any advice on where to find providers? I have no idea where to start.""

Car insurance price?

any 17 year old drivers (males) wanna tell me the price of your car insurance? and the car you own? Cheers!

""Male, 17, Car insurance, Help?

Male 17 insurance group 1 car '4youngdrivers' quote me 6200 Help? Have a nice day...

Who is California Insurance Comany?

MY BOSS WAS IN AN ACCIDENT RECENTLY, WHEN THE INFORMATION WAS EXCHANGED, THE OTHER PARTY WROTE DOWN CALIFORNIA AUTO INSURANCE COMPANY AND A POLICY #, NO PHONE NUMBER, HER NAME, MAKE OF VEHICLE, MODEL AND VIN#. HOW CAN I FIND OUT THE PHONE NUMBER WITH THIS INFO. ONLY?""

How much would insurance cost for a 2006 V6 Tiburon 5 speed?

17 and 1/2 years old. No tickets or run ins with the cops for the past year and a half ive had my license. How much would full coverage cost for me on a v6 tiburon?

My car insurance has been cancelled?

i need to know if i have to pay more or is the same amount in my billing if i pay for it this is for a car insurance the insurance company is aig

Where can I get Affordable Life Insurance?

Where can I get Affordable Life Insurance?

License suspended because of no insurance?

What happens after that? I live in California and I couldn't afford insurance then but now I can. Question is will i be able to get my license back if I get insurance immediately or will I have to reapply for a new one and pay back fines which add up daily?

Why won't an insurance company insure me since I had a claim in the last 5 years?

I had a fire claim in the last 6 months ($30,000 claim), and I am not happy with my current insurance company. It has taken them 6 months to pay out. I have been trying to get a quote from different insurance companies and they all say that they cannot give me a quote because I had a significant claim the last 5 years. Does anyone know of an insurance company that doesn't have this policy?""

What auto insurance would be good for a 17 1/2 year old?

So out of all those companies which one is the most affordable??

True or false? I can save money on car insurance by choosing a higher deductible?

True or false? I can save money on car insurance by choosing a higher deductible?

is my employer insurance affordable

is my employer insurance affordable

Health insurance in Colorado?

I just moved to Colorado from California and am looking for a job. My problem is I have to get my vision tested, and I'm going to an optometrist, but I'm pretty sure he'll refer me to a specialist and testing will be required. I really want to go because I've been putting it off forever and it's starting to affect me a lot. I applied for Medicaid and was denied, obviously, since you have to have children or be over a certain age. Is there an insurance plan that's comprehensive and affordable, something that's going to cover doctor visits? I'm not looking for hit-by-a-bus insurance because that won't cover doctor visits or prescriptions. Or is there another public option? Thanks for your help!""

Got in accident. not my fault. will my insurance rates go up?

this is in reference to my other question but basically i got in a minor accident and it was the other drivers fault. i just called my insurance and reported but i have to wait until tuesday to talk to an agent. just to alleviate my nerves i need to know now, is it likely my rates will go up? it's not my fault. also all the damage costs will be taken care of by my insurance company right? or the other drivers..?? thank you.""

Can i have a car without insurance and not drive it ?

hey im gonna get a car soon, so my q is this can i get a car without insurance and keep it outside my house till i get insurance? wont drive it till i get insurance and i havent got a driveway or anythiing so it will beon the road thanks""

State farm car insurance people?

I am writing to find out what my options might be-to see if you guys might have some feedback. Long story short-I was in an accident on 6/28, that was my date of loss, submitted the claim then, my car is in the process of being repaired-and it will be ready 7/23 which is ridiculous. Basically my renewal is up on 7/19-however, I wanted to switch to Geico. I have been with State Farm for 12 years and I am amazed at the service-or lack thereof-and their turn around time requirements. They are charging me $668.00 for the same exact coverage as Geico would for six months however, I've added towing/rental reimbursement with Geico and it's only $303/6 months. I have several policies with them, and should be getting a larger discount IMO. I've heard Geico is awesome with claims and have friends that have used them. I am writing to find out if I can switch during a claim process-has anyone else done this? Thanks!""

How much does your auto insurance go up after you get a speeding ticket?

i got one going 80 in a 55. dont get all high and mighty on me. i was being a dumbass and we know im paying for it now. also i live in MA and im 18 driving for less then a year

Which car insurance company is cheapest for 18 years old?

hi i live in texas and i was wondering which car insurance company is cheapest for me no car accident and no ticket at all if it is possible can you tell me how much you pay

Why is car insurance exhorbitant for 17 year olds and migrant workers run round with insurance thats cheaper?

Why is car insurance exhorbitant for 17 year olds and migrant workers run round with insurance thats cheaper?

Car insurance question?

I recently got into a car accident that was my fault. The total damages is around 2000 dollars. the owner of the car has contacted me and asked if we could resolve it with out involving the insurance Company. What would be better to do? i have had one other accident that was not my fault. how much will my car insurance go up and for how long?

What is the cheapest insurance for an 18 year old driver to get?

i dont have alot of money and need the cheapest insurance possible, that covers things somewhat. thankyou!!!""

What insurance companies will insure a dog in California with a prior bite history?

My two dogs were involved in a fight with another dog last year. All three dogs were bitten, and my homeowners' insurance paid out a claim. They have now sent a notice of non-renewal and I am having trouble finding an insurance company that will write a new policy. Does anyone have any suggestions for an insurance company or broker in California that can help? Thank you!""

Auto Insurance/License Question!?

I am a 19 year old Californian and I need to purchase auto insurance for my car before I take the drivers test for my license, at least that is what I am led to believe, maybe I don't? But the auto insurance companies require me to give my license number before I can buy the insurance. So I can't get insurance without a license and can't get a license without insurance? No, I cannot be put onto my parents auto insurance or anything. I do not live with them, I am not a dependent of them, etc, etc.""

Do you think it far we can't get tags with out car insurance?

car insurance is a good thing to have, but do you think the Govener is going to far....?????""

Should parents buy life insurance policies for their young children?

What do you think? Give good reasoning for your argument...THANKS!!!

How much would the in insurance be on a 1985 CHEVROLET CAMARO Z28?

i just turend 16 and ill get my licenes in about 3 months and i saw a 1985 CHEVROLET CAMARO Z28 the other day that im thinking about buying and i was wondering about how much the ...show more

If i cancel my car insurance will the rate later go up?

If I cancel my current monthly car insurance plan for my car, will getting a new play later down the line increase its premiums? i am wondering a few months down the line, or other time frames. i will not drive my car after this cancellation. currently my annual insurance is around $5,600.00 I am 24, male, live in toronto.""

What is the cheapest car insurance for me?

i am 18, had a DWI in dec 2006 what would be the cheapest liability only car insurance for me? thank you""

Do spoilers raise insurance price?

is it true that having a spoiler on a car will make insurance higher?

Perth; Can I ride a motorcycle without insurance?

And if I am buying motorcycle insurance, how come they ask me how much I want to pay? Please see the link at http://rac.com.au/Insurance/Motor-insurance/Motorcycle-insurance/Motorcycle-insurance-quote.aspx So how much must I pay? I bought my second hand scooter for A$1,000 on bikesales.coml.au""

Coverage characteristics of health insurance?

What are some of the coverage characteristics of health insurance

Car Insurance question about someone hitting my parked car?

Hi guys, well let me start with what happened first. I am a college student and so I live in an apartment and park my car next to a whole bunch of other cars. I parked my car in a completely empty spot with no cars at all, and I saw that it was completely fine. I didn't go out on Sunday, but the next day on Monday when I was about to leave for school I saw a big scratch/gash on the left side of my bumper about 25 inches x 20 inches. I do not know who and when it happened, so I called the police and tried to claim a police report but the police said he couldn't do anything because if I knew who hit it, he would be able to do something. But since I don't know who hit my car, he couldn't give me one. I also called my insurance company (State Farm) and told her what happened and the size and she told me that my deductable is $500 and they'll send out a representative to check out the damage. I didn't give her the green light yet but what should I do? The scratch is bad because I have a black car and you could see white scratches from far away. I mean, if my damage is less than $500, I'm going to have to pay my insurance too right? Will this also increase my insurance too? I'm already broke as is because of school and I don't want to have to pay more for something I didn't do.""

Do you have to have a care to have car insurance?

I am not ready to purchase a car, however I figured if I started paying car insurance now, when I am ready to purchase a car I wont have to pay so much to start the policy. Is this true?""

I dont really have the money to purchase car insurance before i take my driving test?

i dont have the money to get car insurance before i take my driving test. is there anyways possible to get around that? dont just ******* say, get insurance either . its a waste of my damn time. im taking it wednesday and its in urbana ohio.""

It should be illegal for the amount car insurance comanies charge for young drivers!!?

Having my driving test next month and looking at buying a car soon, either a clio or corsa. I have just got some quotes for a clio and a corsa and all i can say is that its ...show more""

Will my auto insurance rate be raised if I have liability only and my car got stolen?

My car got stolen. Will my rates go up? I won't have another car for a few weeks and i'm going to have to get comprehensive. I just wonder if my comprehensive rates will be now more expensive.

Please I Need Help On My Car Insurance?

I just bought a car and i don't want to pay huge car insurance. Anybody care to help me out may be a recommendation of place i can get it a little bit cheap

is my employer insurance affordable

is my employer insurance affordable

Will 4 year old dui affect my car insurance with geico?

Will 4 year old dui affect my car insurance with geico?

Car Insurance For A 17 Year Old Male?

I'm 17 and starting to drive and thinking about getting a car later on when I pass, but I'm sure insurance and fuel costs are going to kill me! Can I get some advice and maybe a rough guide to how much insurance will be? I'm thinking of getting a VW Golf Mk1 or Mk2, or a Peugeot 106 Escapade. Could you also tell me if modifying the interior will affect insurance along with resprays and lowering the vehicle. Thank you""

What is the cheapest van to insure for a young female driver with 2 yrs ncb?

What is the cheapest van to insure for a young female driver with 2 yrs ncb?

Cheap car insurance....?

whats the cheapest car insurance for teens

Do older cars have more expensive insurance?

Such as a 1990 Mazda RX7 FC or a 1993 RX7 FD. I heard the older the car is the more expensive the insurance is. I live in California and thinking of getting one of those two cars for my first car.

Car Insurance and Plate under different names?

I want to put my car's insurance under a relative's name and the Plate tags under my name? Is that possible???? Answers Please!! I want it under a different name because I am young and Insurance costs a lot when you are young.

How Much Is Car Insurance? Please Help?

Ok See im 16 and i have a 1990 Pontiac Firebird and I have a Junior License Year: 1990 Make: Pontiac Model: Firebird Trim: Engine: 6-Cylinder V-6 Trans: Auto Fuel: Gasoline Color: Black Interior: Grey Miles: 170000

Which auto insurence is the cheaper?

i whan insurance may car but which one is cheaper

Ow much does it cost to deliver a baby without health insurance in washington hospital california ??

Ow much does it cost to deliver a baby without health insurance in washington hospital california ??

What can I expect for getting caught without auto insurance?

I recently got caught driving without insurance (stupid I know). The cop was nice enough not to impound my car, so he just gave me a ticket with a court date. I'm assuming I can expect a large fine, but what else? Anything?""

All about Nissan 350z? (Nissan 350z Owners plz)?

Okay, Well I just need to ask a couple question.... I've had my eye at the Nissan 350z for a while.... And I know you have to put premium gas on it in order for it to run smoothly... I just need to know from an owner.... How much do you end up paying... How much was the car? How Much was insurance? Gas? Any other things I should know about it? O.o""

If I'm under my dad's car insurance and I get in an accident...?

I'm under my dad's car insurance though I have a car of my own. My insurance company refuses to give me an insurance card under my name, saying (and I'm paraphrasing here) that they only give out insurance under the name they have under the title (I forgot exactly how they worded it). Even though my insurance card is not under my name and it's under my dad's, can I still get in trouble if I'm in an accident?""

Insurance Group for Cars?

Hi, I am planning to buy a second hand car, I.e., when I search the car through net, it says Insurance Group is 4/5/6 etc. Can any one tell me how the Insurance Group are being defined which Grade enables me to pay less premium? Which Insurance Group car I should look for ideally? Thanks in advance. Regards, Reed.""

How can you get insurance on a car that is not in your name?

What steps should be taking to get insurance on a car in your name that is in a relatives name? But, you are taking over the car payments and paying them the money on a car that is still in there name.""

Do you need insurance on a leased car?

Easy question...do you need insurance on a leased car? I heard that the company you are leasing from takes care of it.

How do I find out my car insurance rates before I get a car?

I haven't bought a car yet because a lot depends on how much insurance will be. I'm a 27 single female living in Boston, I've had a license since 18 but never drove so it expired and I recently renewed it. I don't have anything on my record. I would be the only person on the insurance. I went online but they required the make and year of your car to calculate the rates.""

What is the best type of insurance to buy term or Variable Universal Life? Why?

What is the best type of insurance to buy term or Variable Universal Life? Why?

Low Cost Individual Health Insurance - Is It for Real?

I'm thinking about starting a business but I'm worried about health coverage for myself and my family. At work, our health plan is so expensive (if I had to pay for the whole thing), so I'm cautious about the cheap insurance I see advertised all over the place. Is low cost individual health insurance for real or a scam? What do I have to watch out for in looking for coverage? Thanks.""

""Car insurance decreases, when? 26 yrs old?""

I started driving when I was 22 years old, and never had an accident. Right now, I'm 26. I pay $116/month for insurance, which I think is kinda high. The vehicle I drive is a 2006 Hyundai Eantra. Car insurance is: Erie Insurance http://www.erieinsurance.com/""

Can Geico save you 10% on car insurance?

Bonus question: I have AllState, am I in good hands?""

How much will car insurance be for a sixteen year old girl who lives in California?

My parents don't have the money (plus they don't want to) to pay for my insurance, so even though i'm turning seventeen this year, I still don't have my license. I'm trying to get a job, though, and was wondering if anyone could give me a ballpark for how much it'll cost a year...I get good grades, I know some places will give you discounts if you have good grades...so yeah. :)""

California to Canada Car Insurance?

Hi, my friend just asked me how to get car insurance in Canada when he used to live in California and he has a California license and had California insurance. He asked me about a Driver Abstract, which I have no idea what that is. He really needs help, but he is not available at the moment for me to ask him for more details. Please tell me the details of how to obtain car insurance in Canada when he used to have California insurance & has a California license/ID. Thank you!!""

Is it possible to get different car insurance under the same household?

Hi, So I have a question regarding different car insurance. MY family has allstate for the car insurance. However, I do not want to go under allstate for family reasons. I am trying to get geico for my car. However, my father states that if you were to get geico you would still have to add everyone's name under the insurance policy. I am trying to get my own individual policy without adding anyone under the car insurance policy. I wanted to know if it is possible to get different car insurance under the same household? Thanks :) P.S: I am 23 years old. About to turn 24 years old. I wanted to get my own individual policy without adding anyone on the car. The car was a gift from my parents to me.""

Car insurance question?

Hey and thanks in advance! My car is in my ex name 100% on the loan and the car insurance, but i make the payments to my ex as they take the money from my ex bank account. Im not even on the car as a second driver. Well now my ex wants the insurance in my name, would i be able to obtain insurance in my name (full coverage) for the car without the car being in my name, if i was to show them me and my ex personal contract. and lets say the insurance people is fine with it, would the bank where my ex took out the loan be ok with full coverage in my name over the car? please, this was a lessoned learn and now i need help on how this can be done, my ex no longer want his name on the insurance.""

Classic car for a teenager?

Coming up to my 17th birthday soon and i need to buy a car. The sort of car i like is the plymouth cuda 1970 opel manta 72 ford cortina 72 chevy 69 So that kind of muscle car look. However being a teenager i am limited to what i can drive. What would be a good buy and something i can get insured on. Hope you can help Thanks :)

is my employer insurance affordable

is my employer insurance affordable

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